#all because i am so sad the final verse

[cavernfullofexistentialdread]

READ U WROTE U could have been the greatest group song/performance in RDR history

But no, Roxxxy's verse had to exist.

As a drag queen, the character and performance of Roxxxy I can respect.

BUT THE VERSE. THE VERSE. I WILL RESPECT HER AS A QUEEN BUT AS THE WRITER OF THAT WRETCHED VERSE I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS

I MEAN READ U WROTE U HAD SO MUCH GOING FOR IT

Alaska's choreography and vocals!

The chair walk and Ms. Detox inventing spelling!

KATYA'S ENTIRE VERSE JUST EXISTING

...and then... theres Roxxxy's verse. The concept was there; the execution was... somewhere out the window. IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD. THE WHISPERING AS A CONCEPT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! But in the words of Alaska herself, its could have been "changing the game like my name's RuPual". I SWEAR. IF THE TIMING, VOCALS, AND CHOREO HAD JUST A LITTLE MORE RERUN AND JUST A FEW MORE ADJUSTMENTS AND POLISHING IT COULD HAVE BEEN JUST AS ICONIC AS THE REST OF THE SONG. I HAVE MEMORIZED THE WHOLE THING UP UNTIL ROXXXY'S VERSE BC I COULD NOT REMEMBER THE LYRICS FOR THE LIFE OF ME.

*Ahem* I'll said it once and I'll say it again, as a drag queen, I respect (and maybe even worship 👀) Roxxxy. But as the creator of that verse... just no

Someone has probably ranted about this before, but idc

[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

[thewritetofreespeech]

Could I request Astarion and his s/o getting into a sass competition where Astarion ends up confessing to her by accident and now he's all flustered?

Astarion x Reader

“Can’t you go any faster?”

“I’m not exactly as well versed into taking these off as I am in putting them on, darling.” Astarion quipped at you as he fiddled with the lock on your cuffs.

Being somewhat of an anti-hero liaisons these days, the group had been pinched on some trumped up but completely true & legal charges of petty theft and larceny. Your options were fight, flight, or get arrested when confronted by the guards and charges. And since you couldn’t fight a whole city’s worth of Iron Fists, and running also seemed unplausible as you’d have to come back to the city sometime, you decided to take you lumps and went to jail. Luckily, where there’s a will there’s a way. Or in this case: a vampire with a lockpick up his sleeve.

“Why did you wait to do me last anyway? Just to see me suffer?”

“Well,” Astarion cooed, “it does have a certain visual appeal.”

You clicked your teeth and rolled your eyes. “Could you just hurry up? I’m starting to lose the feeling in my hands. All the blood is rushing out of them.”

“Oh, well, we wouldn’t want that.”

“Well, if you want my blood again, you should be more sympathetic to my pain.” You told him. Sighing heavily as one arm was free and Astarion moved on to the other one.

“Don’t you threaten me. Besides, if you won’t give me what I want, I’ll just move on to some other lucky companion in our camp.”

“Ha! Like anyone else would have you.”

Astarion frowned. “I’ll have you know that there are plenty of people who would welcome my teeth at their necks. Hundreds. Thousands!”

“Yeah. One blood obsessed drow and…who was the other one you tricked again?” You pulled at the shackles, which jiggled the irons and knocked the lockpick free, but unbroken. The vampire growled at you.

“I tricked you easy enough, didn’t I?”

“Only because I took pity on you.”

“Pity?!”

“Yeah.” You told him. “That poor, sad, puppy dog ‘please feed me’ look was just something I couldn’t say no to.”

Astarion growled again. “That is not how it happened. Besides, if you didn’t like it you wouldn’t keep asking for more.”

“Oh sure. Blame the victim.”

“You are not a victim!” He snapped at you. He seemed a little wounded by that one. Maybe you went a little too far. “Gods.” He cursed under his breath with a frown. “You are lucky I love you so much, otherwise I would just leave you here, chained up, and never bite you again. No matter how much you begged me.”

The lock finally snapped open and your arm fell to the side. You lifted it to rub your wrist but were uncharacteristically silent.

“Would it have been too much to expect a thank you??”

“Did you just say you love me?”

Astarion froze for a moment. A little wide eyed at your question. He seemed to be racking his brain for a moment. Trying to remember the conversation before an ‘Oh. Shit.’ expression came over his face. “What? Oh, that. Figure of speech darling, of course.” He let out a single nervous cough after that and a rushed, “let’s go meet up with the other.” Before he turned on his heels and made a speedy exit.

You rub your wrist one more time as a soft, shy smile came to your lips behind his back. You follow after him and meet up with the others. Waiting just outside the prison for the two of you, as apparently just around the corner was enough of an escape from the mighty Iron Fist.

“Ah! I just love this fresh air.” You exclaim, followed by more comments on how dusty & dank your cell had been, but really just watching Astarion’s shoulders tense.

You spent the rest of the day subversively tormenting Astarion. Making comments on how much you loved the weather, or loved a dress in a window. How much you loved dinner that night. How much you loved getting a good night’s rest that night.

By the time everyone had gone off to their respective tents for the evening, Astarion had apparently had enough and slunk up to yours. “I know what you’re doing. Now stop it!” He hissed.

“But I thought you’d love it.”

“Stop it!” He hissed again. If he could right now, he would blush. You were tempted to let him feed on you for a moment to get the full effect. “I mean it! How would you like it if I threw every verbal misstep in your face? I don’t keep bringing up the time you said Ibis instead of Ignis, now do I??”

It was pretty funny when that bird showed up.

“So, are you upset that you said it and I’m teasing of you, or are you upset that you didn’t mean it and I keep bringing it up?” You honestly didn’t know which answer would be worse at this point. You felt bad you had wounded his pride to the point that he came to talk to you. But you also don’t think you could take it if he told you that he didn’t love you.

Astarion just stood there for a moment, thinking, before he sighed and waved you off. “Just…knock it off ok. I’ve had quite enough today. I’m going to get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.”

He turned to walk away and just before he fell out of ear shot you called to him. “Hey Astarion,” he looked back over his shoulder at you, “I love that you could come and talk to me about this.”

He huffed, but you could see the corners of his mouth struggling to keep down. “Oh shut up.”

[cutielando]

out of line ~ rafe cameron

my masterlist

Ever since you could remember, Ward had always been hard on Rafe. It might have been because he was his only son, it might be because he wanted him to mature early on, or it might be just because he hated his son.

At least that's what Rafe had come to believe.

Nothing he did ever seemed to be right. His father would always find faults in every single thing Rafe did, crushing the boy's morale every single time.

"I don't know how to please him anymore" he would always say when he came to you, all sad and unmotivated to even live.

You hated seeing your boyfriend like that. You hated the way Ward acted towards his son. You hated the fact that he always made Rafe feel bad about your relationship, always filling his head with thoughts that he didn't deserve you, that he should do you a favor and let you go because you would be better off without you.

It made your blood boil.

As you were laying on the couch in Rafe's home, his body laying on top of yours and your arms wrapped around his body, you were hoping to God that his father would not ruin your night.

"Rafe?" hearing Ward's voice made the both of you tense.

Rafe got up from laying on you and sat upright on the couch just as Ward walked in.

Eyeing you, you could see him clench his jaw and swallow harshly.

"Yes, dad?" Rafe said, clearing his throat and looking up at his father.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking between the both of you.

The atmosphere in the room was tense, and you knew that Rafe was desperately weighing his answers to make sure he wouldn't say the wrong thing.

That is precisely why you decided to be the one doing the talking tonight, hopeful to finally give the older man a piece of your mind.

"We were watching a movie before you interrupted us" hearing you speak made Rafe's heart start beating rapidly.

He wiped his head around to look at you with wide eyes, but you kept eye contact with the older Cameron man.

"Excuse me?" his voice was dangerously low, but you weren't afraid of him and had no intention of backing down.

"You heard me. Do you want something with Rafe or not?" you asked, now standing up and stopping while face-to-face with him.

"You better watch your mouth, young lady" his threats fell on deaf ears, you were done cowering in fear of him.

Your family was the second richest one on the whole island, so you were also entitled to speak your mind seeing as you weren't a poor little Pogue afraid to speak in front of a Kook.

"That's funny, coming from the guy whose ego is so big he has to belittle his own son to feel better about himself" that struck a nerve.

Ward took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. His fists were pulsing, his veins were enlarged, he was on the verge of exploding.

But he knew better than that, he knew better than to make an enemy of your father. While Ward must think he's got the dangerous associates on the island, your father was by far more versed than him in that department. 

Your family might not have been the richest, but it was for sure the most dangerous one. And Ward knew that.

"How dare you?" 

"How dare I? How dare you look at your son, your own flesh and blood, and belittle him like he's a stranger to you? How can you stand there and insult him, make him feel worthless after how much he does to impress you, to satisfy you? And nothing ever seems enough. How dare you fill his head with lies about our relationship when you and I both know I am the only person who loves him and takes care of him. I am the only one who wants the best for him, not even you as his father? What the fuck is wrong with you?" you felt so good getting everything off of your chest.

Rafe was still speechless, still sitting behind you on the couch.

He was grateful for every word you had said, having conveyed everything he had been feeling but was too afraid to tell his father.

"You are way out of line here, bitch" he spit with venom in his voice.

Your eyes darkened and you stepped even closer to him, being almost face to face with him.

"Call me a bitch again and see what happens. We don't want to repeat what happened at Midsummers, now, do we? Or did you forget what my daddy did?" your voice now being dangerously low, knowing you had struck another nerve.

Ward visibly tensed, having remembered that your father had almost killed him in a fight when he insulted you at Midsummers while being intoxicated.

He cleared his throat and nodded, taking one last look at Rafe before turning around and leaving the house.

"Thank you" Rafe's small voice said as you next back next to him on the couch, unpausing the movie you had been watching.

"Never thank me for that. I want you to feel safe, and I was just telling the truth. You know my father has your back, he loves you and he would do anything for you" you told Rafe, who nodded.

Your father and him have had a very close and special relationship ever since you started dating almost 3 years prior. 

Due to the fact that you were an only child and your father had always wanted a son too, he treated Rafe like he was his own. He knew about his situation with Ward and always made sure he was being taken care of.

You sometimes thought your father liked your boyfriend more than you.

"I know, but still. Thank you for everything, you don't know how much I love you, baby" he leaned his body back on top of you, savoring your warmth and delicate touch.

"I love you too, so much"

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[gffa]

Over the last week, I decided to go ahead with bookmarking all the fics I've recommended over the years on AO3 since I abide by tumblr poll results always (and man pour one out for all the fic that never made it to AO3 or has since been deleted, sooooo many gems lost to time!) and it was a bit more than the ~3,000 I was expecting:

Hopefully, this will be easier than browsing the hundreds of recs posts I've made, since you can filter for any of the author's tags now! These are mostly focused on Star Wars and DC fandom, but I did my time in the anime mines and occasional tours through some TV fandoms or movies. You can dig into everything unfiltered and start your own filtering, or the bigger fandoms you'll find:

MAJOR FANDOMS: Each of these should have 100+ at minimum and, in the case of Star Wars, literally almost half of them are in that fandom. Look, Star Wars fandom might be a trash fire in a lot of ways, but it is ON FIRE with some good fic. (Older bookmarks not guaranteed to match my current sentiments, especially re: the Jedi, but they did catch my fancy at that point in time!)

STAR WARS: - All Star Wars -OR- All Star Wars minus the Obi-Wan/Anakin ship - OR- Nothing BUT Obi-Wan/Anakin

BATMAN/DC: - DC can sometimes be tricky, but you can do a Batman* search and get most of them (though, sometimes Nightwing* or Young Justice* or Superman* will catch some of the others). Honestly, though, you might want to just do a search for what character or dynamic you like and have fun from there, because otherwise you're getting a face full of my Dick Grayson Is The Center Of The Universe And I'm Making That Everyone Else's Problem agenda. ;)

MARVEL/MCU: - Marvel* will probably get most of the various properties, though you may want to filter for Defenders* or Guardians of the Galaxy* if you're interested -OR- Marvel* without the Thor/Loki - These focus a lot on the Thor* fandom if you want to witness the results of like 8 years of constant voracious reading in that fandom (Minus the ship), because, seriously, I read a LOT of Odinson family fic. - Bonus, just do a search for Maximoff* to find some really good X-Men: First Class-verse because, listen, I have been ALL ABOUT the Maximoff twins since long before the movies or MCU brought them over and I will DIE ON THE HILL of "Marvel, make Magneto their bio-dad again or I'm never reading another comic of yours ever".

TOLKIEN/LORD OF THE RINGS/SILMARILLION/HOBBIT: - Tolkien* -OR- Hobbit* -OR- Lord of the Rings* searches will turn up most of my Elf-hunting, I primarily focus on the Sindar Elves, but look I can't resist my problematic Feanorian faves or that I will die on the hill that Fingolfin is the best ever. (You have NO IDEA how sad I am that so much fic on Stories of Arda or FFNET is not easily bookmarked on AO3, sob. I externally bookmarked a few of the bigger ones, but sooo many shorter faves are missing from my recs tag.)

CLAMP: - X/Tokyo Babylon legitimately bums me out because it's not a huge fandom and yet so much of what was written was pre-AO3 and lost when CLAMPesque went down or was never brought over from Livejournal, yet this fandom (well, the Seishirou/Subaru pairing) still burns brightly in my heart.

MINOR FANDOMS: Ones that probably only have under 100 bookmarks (often around the 20-30 bookmarks range), but will at least give you a place to start! ANIME/MANGA: Bleach | Cardcaptor Sakura | Dragonball | Finder no Hyouteki/Viewfinder | Katekyou Hitman Reborn! | Kuroko no Basuke | One Piece | Sailor Moon | Madoka Magica | Naruto | Princess Tutu | Trigun | Weiss Kreuz | Yuri!!! on Ice

BOOKS: Chrestomanci | Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

DRAMAS: Nirvana in Fire | The Untamed -OR- Modao Zu Shi

TV SHOWS/MOVIES: Community | Game of Thrones -OR- ASOIAF | Good Omens | Hannibal | Highlander | The Old Guard | Our Flag Means Death | Stranger Things

VIDEO GAMES: Dragon Age: Inquisition | Final Fantasy 8 | Genshin Impact | Okami

BANDS: Arashi

All right, whew, that was actually a fun project, despite how much work it was to hunt down a lot of older faves to see if they were on AO3, hopefully you'll find this useful!

[chosetherose]

Two Graves One Gun

So Long London continues the saga of celebrity versus soul. The only way to cure Taylor’s sadness is for her to bid farewell to bearding, and perhaps the closet.

If you can look past the red herrings in this song, you will find a deeply layered masterpiece that illuminates Taylor's battle with herself; how past plans made to maintain her celebrity have marred her soul. She doesn't want to live life like this anymore and is willing to burn her brand down to the ground to free her soul.

As always, the analysis I've written here is only one interpretation of this song. I'm not claiming it is "correct" but I encourage you to plow through (this is a very long post) and consider what I've laid out.

For context, I believe London is a metaphor for bearding. Here is some background for the new folks:

For most of her career, Taylor’s beards have been from the UK. Specifically, from 2012-2023 her beards were Harry Styles then Calvin Harris then Tom Hiddleston then Joe Alwyn.

The beginning of this stage was right around the time she started crossing over into pop music. Red is her first real leap into pop music and to do this successfully she needs to expand both domestically (to pop audiences that don't listen to country music) and internationally (her first opportunity for this since the rest of the world doesn't listen to much country music).

She started bearding with Harry Styles in late 2012, within weeks of Red's release then milks that short lived stunt for 1989 as well. What a way to capture a new pop audience made up of fans abroad and at home. Rinse and repeat until her priority changes to long-term privacy and she finds that aided by an unknown actor named Toe. Even though Taylor's current beard is American, suffice to say one can look at London as a metaphor for bearding given history.

[Intro]

So (So) long (Long), London (London) [repeated]

Pay attention to how she sings this...She breaks "London" into "Lon" and "Don".

So SO / Long LONG / Lon LON / Don DON

This is a sneakily beautiful way to emphasize: So! Long! Don(e)! ...Like "I've been bearding for so long and I'm done with it" or "So long, bearding! I'm done!" Yes, this is a reach but read the rest of this post and circle back. As this intro closes the final "Don(e)!" fades into the upticked beat.

[Verse 1]

I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist

I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift

Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away

My spine split from carrying us up the hill

Wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill

I stopped trying to make him laugh, stopped trying to drill the safe

Taylor seeing fairy lights through the mist sounds like she sees daylight at the end of a tunnel opaque from lavender haze. She keeps focused on this goal, carrying on with all these beards over the years. Although she's able to appear calm during these stunts, living life like this has forged a rift within herself. She beards because it's advantageous for her brand but her soul despises the ruse.

Side note: “Keep Calm and Carry On was a motivational poster produced by the Government of the United Kingdom in 1939 in preparation for World War II.” -Wikipedia. A bit of history that I think furthers the idea that Taylor was battling to keep going.

Tayor has to balance these aspects of herself continually - Too much stunting? Her soul needs a break. Had a good break from stunting? She needs to feed the grocery line Swifties to keep them at bay. It's an idea that got me thinking about yin and yang, "an opposite but interconnected, self-perpetuating cycle." (Wiki). I am not an expert on this concept but I know I've noticed it has come up throughout conversations about TTPD. If yin and yang is relevant for this album, as I believe it is in multiple songs, in the context of this verse it feels related to Taylor's constant need to find balance between the celebrity version of herself we see on our screens and the true version of herself only she can see in the mirror.

This cycle wears on Taylor so much that her spine splits from the weight. She has been slogging through stunts, dreaming of freedom, for years. It's been storming so long her clothes are soaked and she feels the chill down in her bones.

Because of the pain she decides to change strategy. Theres no more attempts to make her situation lighter or find ways to deal with it. And think about this - if you're trying to drill the safe open it means either A) you feel like you've tried all the codes and are resorting to brute force, and/or B) you're running out of time and growing desperate. Taylor is past even those points and is giving up entirely.

[Chorus]

Thinking how much sad did you think I had

Did you think I had in me?

Oh, the tragedy

So long, London

You’ll find someone

The chorus reminds me of talking to a past version of yourself that made plans for a future you. We know Taylor must plan her life years in advance so perhaps she is asking her past self something like, “Why did you think I could handle continued bearding? Did you really think I could handle all the sadness I'm feeling today?”

Then I think the second half of this chorus is saying goodbye to bearding, symbolized by London, because she can’t bear the sadness anymore. Maybe the "you'll find someone" line is aimed at the fans a la "you should find another guiding light" like you guys will find someone else to fawn over in the tabloids.

Side note: I love the double entendre here. Because so long means goodbye but it has also been so long that she’s been bearding (largely with British men).

[Verse 2]

I didn't opt in to be your odd man out

I founded the club she's heard great things about

I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath

I stopped CPR, after all, it's no use

The spirit was gone, we would never come to

And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free

I don't have a strong opinion on the first two lines of this version. What comes to mind is she didn't opt in to be an openly LGBTQIA+ artist, she chose to closet and beard. Then other younger closeted celebrities have looked to her as a blueprint.

In the process of bearding for stardom, her soul abandoned all she knew. I think there is a red herring here as Heath could reference Hampstead Heath (which has connections to Toe) but it’s also continuing on the house theme that Taylor sings about. Here, it doesn’t sound like this house is a home. She’s not singing about chandeliers flickering inside, it’s “the” house by a heath -- “Heathland is characterized by plants such as heather, bilberry, gorse and bracken, which occur on infertile and well-drained soils. Open heaths have been highly modified by humans for centuries and are maintained by grazing or cutting.” She’s stuck somewhere that’s by drained her via death by a thousand cuts lol.

Again, it's weighed on her. So she's decided to stop trying to revive the disconnect between her soul and her celebrity, it’s no use trying anymore. She’s realized they could never fully come together.

And she’s pissed off she let her celebrity rob her of an open, free, youth where she could live truthfully. Recall that in Peace she sings, “a coming of age has come and gone” which to me means she feels she can’t explain a coming out via a youthful awakening angle. She’s at the age where people will understand she’s known this for years but hasn’t shared with the world. This will raise questions she won’t be able to answer because it’s all too tangled (NDAs, outing beards, etc.).

[Chorus]

For so long, London/ Stitches undone

Two graves, one gun

I'll find someone

For so long, she’s been bearding, stunting, hiding her true self to reach and/or maintain celebrity. It’s caused her stitches to come undone. This wording is interesting because it implies she had a wound from living this life hiding her truth, they tried to fix her up as her celebrity status soared, but it didn’t work because the sadness was too great.

Perhaps there's two graves and one gun because on the path to daylight she will kill both her celebrity and the sadness of her closeted self. Not how she switches from "you" will find someone to "I" will find someone. This is because she will destroy every version of herself that she's ever known if she comes out one day. She will rise like a Phoenix through the ashes to discover a new version of herself in the daylight.

Note that the Spotify clip for this song, from the Fortnight video, feels significant. First, Taylor looks up toward the daylight. Then, with heavy breaths and a concerned face, she rifles through her art (words written out on a typewriter). We know in the rest of this scene she is lighting her art on fire. Two graves one gun on a path to daylight.

[Bridge Part 1]

And you say I abandoned the ship

But I was going down with it

My white-knuckle dying grip

Holding tight to your quiet resentment

I imagine these first lines of the bridge to be aimed toward those in her life, on her team, etc. that steered her toward closeting to gain/keep fame. Maybe she has plans and they are saying by coming out she is abandoning the ship (her celebrity) they've all worked hard to build. In Miss Americana we heard her team tell her that coming out as a Democrat would halve the numbers of her next tour. Can you imagine what would be said about a coming out?

But what they don’t understand is that living this life is killing her. She’s been holding on to all the subtle ways they’ve told her over the years that her career will sink if she comes out of the closet.

[Bridge Part 2]

And my friends said it isn't right to be scared

Every day of a love affair

Every breath feels like rarest air

When you're not sure if he wants to be there

When she confides with her friends about it all they tell her she shouldn’t be afraid to take steps toward the daylight because look where she is now. She’s been stunting for years (love affairs in the tabloids) and it's awful for her. So terrible that she's grasping for breaths, unsure if she can still survive in this atmosphere (thin/rare air means its not a hospitable environment for Taylor).

[Chorus]

So how much sad did you think I had

Did you think I had in me?

How much tragedy?

Just how low did you think I'd go

Before I'd self-implode?

Before I'd have to go be free?

Again, I think she’s talking to her past self here. “How could I have thought I’d survive sinking this low? How could I not realize I’d reach a point where I’d self-implode?” Which here, self-implosion is telling a similar story as I think the two graves one gun lyrics do — the result of the self implosion is being free. If she blows up her celebrity and she will be free to live her truth, curing the sadness that has been ruling her life for years.

[Verse 3]

You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?

I died on the altar waiting for the proof

You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days

And I'm just getting color back into my face

I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place

I imagine this verse is aimed at her fans, the grocery line Swifties who believe her beards are real boyfriends. I read “you swore that you loved me but where were the clues?” as a sarcastic jab because she’s been screaming 🌈 for whoever is willing to listen. The fans claim to love Taylor but they aren’t willing to really listen to her.

Most people here “altar” and think of a wedding but the definition is much broader, “In religion, a raised structure or place that is used for sacrifice, worship, or prayer” (Wiki). So Taylor was up on the altar, a place of worship, waiting for clues that these fans actually loved her. But what started as worship became sacrifice as these fans never found love for who Taylor really is all the while the bearding and hiding were causing Taylor deep sadness.

Despite all this, she loves her job and her fans. The sadness is too much though. She is about to self implode and feels its time to take steps toward a brighter future. It’s maddening as hell to metaphorically blow up your life just as your fame is escalating to new heights you’ve reached for your whole career.

[Chorus]

For so long, London (So long, London)

Had a good run A moment of warm sun But I'm not the one So long, London Stitches undone Two graves, one gun You'll find someone

For so long, she bearded. She had a good run, getting away with it all, reaching levels of fame she always dreamed of. But she's not the one to keep the charade going (as opposed to her heroes who unfortunately 'died' closeted). Goodbye, bearding. The wound was too big to fix. With one action, I will kill the version of myself you (the fans) know and the version of myself I know. You (the fans) will find someone else to worship.

...

I could keep tweaking this theory for weeks but these are my initial thoughts on this song about two weeks out from TTPD's release. This album is incredible complex but for me the signs we keep getting are all pointing toward significant change. There is a momentum going right now that I haven't felt since the early Lover era. No matter what happens or how long it takes, I hope our fearless Chairman gets the chance to bask in the sun shiniest daylight. She deserves the warmth.

💕 CTR

[weebsinstash]

Now that I saw that doodle Vox made again, I'm just wondering how tf he knew Alastor has hooves

Also noticed that he was a lil fixated on Al's ass in that same doodle so there's that :>

I literally searched the Hazbin wiki for the source and couldn't find it but I've seen multiple people posting some screenshot of some website that says, Velvette previously stated Vox had an Alastor body pillow, and I don't know if that's an old Voxtagram post or more recent but it's been living in my head rent free ever since

Like there have been so many Viv streams and q&a's that have mildly spoiled things or mentioned facts that have since become non canon so I'm not sure what to listen to anymore but dude, reading the wiki of all the amalgamated facts is A TRIP. Vox is Actually Totally Correct: despite Alastor having his gentlemanly persona and some weird "serial killer moral code, like dexter", he canonically has awful oral hygiene and both Vivzie and... Fautisse? Have mentioned this. His demon form has black gums. Vivzie said he "probably doesn't prioritize oral hygiene" and also probably wasn't a cannibal in life so that's literally a new hobby he picked up in death so also um. THE SECOND THIS MAN HAD FREE REIGN AND THERE WAS NO RULE OF LAW OR CONSEQUENCES HE DECIDED TO START EATING PEOPLE SO LET THAT SINK IN.

You start reading Alastor's wiki page and it makes it pretty clear he's like DERANGED, hypocritical, he's like borderline a megalomaniac? It's all hidden behind this, persona, this wall he puts up, his well put together demeanor that allegedly never cracks, but underneath his showmanship he's a haughty, insecure, judgy, gossipy, genuine FREAK who responds with insults and violence whenever he can who relishes in trolling people and scaring them, literally enjoys knowing when he's making people uncomfortable

I have so many conflicting feelings but like PRETTY SURE HIS VERSE IN THE FINALE WAS A VILLAIN SONG, HE'S LITERALLY SINGING ABOUT BEING PISSED AND WANTING TO RETALIATE BECAUSE HE'S BEING FORCED TO DO STUFF HE DOESN'T WANT TO

THUS

I AM CONVINCED VOX IS JUST A BOTTOM AND A SLUT WHO THINKS ALASTOR IS JUST REALLY COOL AND HAS A ONE SIDED PATHETIC BOY CRUSH

Bro the sound I fucking made when his wiki trivia says he's been described as "painfully white, like phlegm in the back of your throat white" NO DONT DO MY TV MAN LIKE THIS 😭🤣

Anyways, you've probably seen the posts but for someone who claims to be so hip and modern, Vox goes out of his way to dress similarly to Alastor. The coat with lapels in the front and a tail in the back, a bow tie with a cravat, cuffed sleeves, intentionally or not the color contrast of Vox's hands resembles Alastor's and Vox CAN customize his body...

He's just. I just completely forget sometimes that Alastor literally called him OLD PAL in episode 3 and yes he was obviously saying it to talk down to him but like ALASTOR DID ACKNOWLEDGE HISTORY BETWEEN THEM, and also oh wait what's this, Vivzie has confirmed Vox and the Vees are major antagonists of Season 2 and that Vox and Alastor's history is going to be expanded upon so.... radiostatic shippers stay winning ha ha

I read a post that I meant to reblog that was something like "Vox is actually an incredibly cunning charismatic manipulative businessman who is a legitimate threat and we see this for all of 5 minutes and the second Alastor is mentioned he starts completely coming apart" and it's SO TRUE, he can be ur angel or ur devil. He's a legitimately OP threat and he's also A PATHETIC SAD FAILHUSBAND. Give me Vox who's efficiently marketing more hypnosis equipment to substantially grow his own wealth and manipulating his shareholders and then he's going back to his computer room with some popcorn and kicking his little feeties as he watches his darling and Alastor on like 30 different monitors. Give me Vox who can know the INSTANT someone is trying to go behind his back and double cross him because he has mass surveillance all over the city and he's using his endless resources to develop high end 3d printers to make posable figures of his crush and Alastor.

Give me Vox who loses his cool and insults you to your face and you two get into a huge argument and maybe Velvette and Valentino lash out at you in defense of him and he's going to his room and crying from frustration into his body pillows totally not plural, totally not ones of you and Alastor and calling himself a stupid idiot because he hurt your feelings and then spends the next like week SUFFOCATINGLY showing up almost every single place you are and embarrassing himself as he tries to bond with you and prove to you what CLEARLY AWESOME boyfriend material he is

[felice-jaganshi]

My Fallen Apple

Chapter 11

You woke up feeling warm.

“Baby, please, open your eyes. Come on, come on���” You recognize the voice, it's Lucifer. Why does he sound so scared? Did something happen?

Your eyes feel heavy.

 

“Hm… five more minutes…” you mutter, even the words feel heavy.

 

“Oh thank fuck! Sorry babe, I need you up asap. Need you to make sure nothing else is broken.” Relief fills his voice. You finally open your eyes, and see his beautiful, worried face. And Charlie! She's right next to you too! 

 

“Hey, what's going on?” You sit up in your lovers lap and as you look around, your eyes land on Adam's dead body. Suddenly the day's events come rushing back. “Oh… holy shit… he's dead. He tried to kill me.” You then look at where Lucifer's wings would be if he had them out. “No… you got hurt because of me…” 

 

He gave a nervous laugh, “Ah hah! Nah, that, everyone was just seeing things! I'm perfectly fine! Not a speck of blood anywhere, see?” He shifted you into Charlie's hold and did a quick spin for you to see. “Fit as a golden fiddle!”

You stood up, and Charlie gave you a tight hug before going to look for Keekee. 

 

Your legs were a little wobbly still as you made your way to Lucifer and pulled him in for a tight embrace and a passionate kiss. He hugged back just as tight and kissed you till you saw stars! He pulled back first and peppered more small kisses all over your face, until he heard Charlie begin a song. He then pulled away with one more kiss before going to her.

________

 

After the musical number and helping rebuild the hotel, Lucifer took you to his new room in the hotel. Once inside you confronted him while his back was to you.

 

“Lucifer… let me see your wings.” He flinched, you saw it. 

 

“Heh, why is that? I'm not really in the mood for wing play tonight.” He smiled over his shoulder at you, looking tired.

 

“Love, that's not why. I want to make sure you're really healed all the way.” You reach out to his back and he turns to face you quickly. Retreating like a scared animal… or an injured one.

 

You sigh, and try to reach out to him in a way he's more familiar with. Something he'll be more receptive to, you take his hands, and begin singing.

“Hands, put your empty hands in mine… and scars, show me all the scars you hide. And hey, if your wings are broken, please take mine till yours can open too. ‘Cause I'm gonna stand by you.”

 

He looks at you with shock, tears suddenly forming in the corner of his eyes.

“Tears, make Kaleidoscopes in your eyes. And hurt, I know you're hurting but so am I. And love, if your wings are broken, borrow mine till yours can open too. ‘Cause I'm gonna stand by you! Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you! Love you're not alone, because I'm gonna stand by you!”

 

The tears fell and he moved his hands to your face, taking over the next verse.

“You're all I never knew I needed. And my heart, sometimes it's unclear why it's beating… but love, if your wings are broken, we can brave through those emotions too, because I'm gonna stand by you.”

He let his wings out and held you close, and there it was, over his shoulder, you could see the hole he kept covered by his big fluffy feathers.

You then sang together, harmonizing as your hearts reached out and understood each other. 

 

“I'll be your eyes, till yours can shine. And I'll be your arms, I'll be your steady satellite. And when you can't rise, I'll crawl with you on hands and knees, cause I, I'm gonna stand by you! Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you! Love, you're not alone! I'm gonna stand by you…”

 

He sighed and pet your hair, “it'll heal on its own in time. I used my power to stop the bleeding, but healing my own wings takes a lot more energy than healing others. The price of being the strongest, when you do get hurt, no one's on your level to pick you up and carry you.” He smiled, but his voice was tired and sad.

 

You scoop him up into your arms, it's a little tricky with the wings throwing off his weight, but you make it work, and lay him on the bed. “Who says I can't carry you?” He was blushing. “Luci goosey, my lover, my king… I will always stand at your side and pick you up when you fall. Just like you do for me.” You smile and kiss his forehead, then each cheek, then his nose, before finally reaching his lips for a soft chaste kiss.

“I love you. And I always will.” 

 

He looked at you in awe, “Marry me?”

 

You blush, is this how he was going to propose?! “Are you serious?” 

He blushed, “I… um…” he took a slow deep breath. “Yes. Yes I do. I didn't mean to do it this way, but I'm not taking back my words, because I do mean them, and I don't want to hurt you with a misunderstanding.”

 

You can't help but smile. What a goof. What a good man. “I do! I mean, yes! Of course I want to be your wife!”

 

“Great! We'll tell everyone tomorrow and start planning then. For now, I just want to hold you. I… was really scared today. First for Charlie, then… You were just suddenly on the ground with so much blood around you… I thought I was about to lose you. Please, never do that to me again.” He pulled you to his chest and wrapped his wings around you.

You've never felt safer or warmer.

 

“I promise.”

[moonsplit]

Can I pretty please get some Poly Cove, Baxter, and Derek x reader 🥺

I am desperate and just want to know how they'd be like all together in a closed relationship- how they treat each other, MC, how they act with the other's families, etc. etc.

PS. You don't have to do this request but It's so hard to find poly prompts for them 😭

PPS. Can I be 💫 Anon?

↠ Cove x Baxter x Derek x gn!Reader HCs ↞

* word count ↠ 2743 * tags ↠ gender neutral reader, fluff, a little angst but it's okay, closed relationship polyamory, meeting the family, a very implied slow burn, bax is a little bit of an idiot, the opposite of proof read

* notes ↠ YES THANK YOU ANON 🙏 I'm polyamorous myself, and the lack of content makes me so sad sometimes. Glad to know there's a market aside from me and @starance

You and Cove were the first two together

After the awkwardness of your first kiss, and the dancing around it, and figuring out the terms and oh god do you tell your families???

And believe me it was awkward for a while

Not a bad kind, just the growing pains of a new relationship- of a first relationship

And then there was Derek.

Who has absolutely had a crush on you and Cove for like- ever? Is that a time frame? He didn't really know, but it felt right.

He didn't realize he was allowed to feel that for both of you for a while.

He thought he had to choose and it broke him a little, because he adored being around the both of you too much to ever choose

He was always supportive of you and Cove after you two told him you were dating

But you couldn't help from notice a little longing in his eyes when you and Cove were couple-y

Or how he withdrew just that slight bit if you got a little too close to romantic touches instead of platonic cuddles

It went from unnoticeable to unbearably obvious as time went on and years passed

You and Cove stressed about it together

For you, you had always stressed about what being in a relationship with Cove would mean for your trio

You'd heard horror stories from books and school acquaintances about loosing friends after getting into a relationship

And Cove

Was less worried about if your relationship had anything to do with it, and more worried about losing part of his home

The trio, your family, they'd become integral to his perception of home

It never felt quite right when you all weren't right by him

So, naturally, you both team up to confront him!

And it went-

Well, about as well as you'd expect? Derek was usually the one to carry the blunt of emotional intelligence, and even then all three of you were dense as hell

None of you are really sure how it slipped, just that it did. Maybe Derek was the one to tell you two, apologizing because "that's probably weird, isn't it?"

You were all versed in the queer community, but had never delved into what polyamory really was

Or maybe it slipped from you, a hesitant ramble spiraling into comparing the way you felt for Derek a little to closely to the way you do Cove

Maybe even it was Cove, thinking maybe Derek pulled away for his comfort- maybe he noticed Cove's awkwardness and red face and pulled away so as to not upset him

Maybe he explained, flustered, stumbling over his words, that he only reacted that way to Derek because he liked him in that same romantic way

But no matter how it happened

It absolutely did happen

Before any of you could regret it, or really even think on the realization that it was all mutual, Cove blurted out

"Do you wanna go out with us?"

Before either of you could respond, he stumbled out words asking if it was okay with you and that Derek didn't have to, you could just stay friends, I didn't mean to impl-

You cut him off, agreeing with the sentiment

And finally

There's the Derek Suarez smile.

You and Cove nearly got knocked to the ground with the force of the hug, vague words of agreement from him mixed with the three of you laughing

You were all still nervous, you didn't know how to go forward with it all-

And you went to your moms for help, because surely they'd know how this all worked, right?

But it all settled, and you three were still you, just, you know- Liz got to tease you that extra bit more

And it stayed like that, until you were all 18 and you hit a little bump in the smoothness

Because someone you saw that same summer you kissed Cove was back

When you first saw Baxter way back then, you just thought he was pretty and nice to talk to, to dance with

Really, you thought the two of you could be friends

But, as many people visiting Sunset Bird do, he disappeared

A little disappointing, but you only knew him for a day.

And then he showed up, the new guy on the street

You didn't quite remember his face until he talked about the soiree

And well, over the summer, perhaps you fall a little in love with him

It's not your fault! He's very charming, and he's sweet

It's not the same intensity and familiarity that your relationship with Cove and Derek brings, but it's fun and you could see him being a long-term partner

And then, of course, he leaves for another five years.

"Did I do something wrong?" The words spilt from your lips, laying against Cove's chest as he rubbed circles into your sides.

Derek was laying with his head in your lap, letting you run your fingers through- and thoroughly mess up- his hair.

"I don't think so," he chimed.

Cove shook his head, almost trying to convince himself too. "It was his decision to leave, did he seem mad?"

"Well, no, but-" you sighed, anxiety biting away at you as you bit your lip, peeling the skin.

"Mhm! So, it wasn't your fault, or Cove's, or mine. He just wanted to leave. Which personally I think is dumb, who wouldn't want to stay around you two for as long as possible?"

You snorted, letting yourself relax back into Cove for the time being.

So anyways

You see him again another five years later.

Helping your friends plan their wedding on a short notice- perhaps a little too short notice- your own planning stage looming nearby in the distance

Seeing him again..

Well, naturally you tell Cove and Derek

Because what else are you meant to do?

You, unfortunately, drew the short straw to be the one to confront him

"Baxter, hang on- talk to me like a real person, for once." You latched on to his wrist, unwilling to let the moment slip through your fingers. "I get it, you don't want to talk to me. But at least- tell me why you left."

He sighed, not making any move to make you let go. "I do regret leaving Sunset Bird with nary a call to you three, you are still together, no?"

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah and we're getting married, but that's not the point. Bax, I just want you to care enough to tell me why."

"You're..." his steadily widening eyes trailed down to your hand, and sure enough, an engagement ring was sitting comfortably on your ring finger.

He tried tugging his wrist out of your hand.

You held on tighter. "You're gonna tell me what happened so I don't feel like shit about it for the rest of my life, okay?! So I don't have to ask for reassurance that it wasn't my fault every time I remember how you left town. I think I deserve that."

You weren't normally a demanding person, he had to know that. He had to see the way that this all ate at your for the past five years.

You watched his resolve crumble, and it was- weird, seeing him drop the professionalism for even a moment. Weird, but welcome.

"Can we go somewhere private, at least? Perhaps the beach?"

You thought back to the symbol of your life, the beach and the poppy-covered hill behind your house. The same beach and hill you managed to drag him out to stargaze from countless times that summer. The sun was hanging low in the sky.

"I'll drive, you sort out whatever you're about to say." You shrugged, taking the drivers side of his way-too-expensive (in your humble opinion) car.

"Alright," he moved around, sitting in the passenger side. Maybe it was the time you spent with him that long time ago, making you notice the unnoticeable. But he seemed- deflated, a little sad.

It was a quiet night

You could see a bit of disappointment in Baxter's eyes when he looked up to see a cloudy sky, you couldn't help but feel it too

You thought you'd have to push more, but he let out a long sigh

And stared at his hands, almost willing them not to shake

And he started to explain

He was the type to run away, it was ingrained in him

When he realized he was falling for three people all the way back then, he didn't know what to do

The fact that you three were so close knit didn't help

He left because he was scared

What would his family think?

Would he be enough?

Would it end in heartbreak he was trying so hard to avoid? (but, of course, it already ended like that)

Some of his worries were unsaid, he brushed them away with a "I had a lot on my mind, in terms of anxiety"

Truthfully, he thought you would have forgotten about him by now

He realized how much it could have hurt a little while ago, but he thought it would have been so much more likely that he was forgotten- just a blimp in the endless summers you three seemed to spend together

"I would have reached out, if I had known it still haunted you."

His hands were shaking

He clasped them together in an attempt to hide it

They were still shaking, twitching slightly in their hold

He had a crush on you three?

That's why he left and never came back?

You didn't know whether to laugh or scream at the poor man

He wasn't expecting a positive response, of course

But your laugh and yell of "you're a fucking idiot!" felt a little-

unexpected.

"I liked you too, I think those two could have too if you didn't absolutely ditch us."

You leaned on his shoulder, and he made no move to pull away

The scene familiar to an old one, but different

You told him to meet the three of you at a cafe in town

One you used to hang out in all the time

It wasn't a question, but if it was he would have agreed

And the four of you talked

Things were awkward at first, Cove particularly a bit standoffish with him

But you all talked it through

And maybe laughed about how stupid Baxter specifically was back then

He deserved that, he thought

Then a question came up, one he wasn't expecting

Really, the cafe in of itself would have been closure enough for him

But Cove asked if he wanted to go on a date

And Baxter had to shove every instinct and nerve in his body telling him to run away

Because he should be allowed to be happy like this, shouldn't he?

He really didn't know

But he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth

NOW ONTO THE BIT YOU ACTUALLY ASKED FOR

He helps plan you, Cove, and Derek's wedding of course

He's far more flirty with you and Derek than Cove, respecting the discomfort Cove has had with the flirting in the past

But when Cove doesn't respond negatively to flirting?

You, Baxter, and Derek gang up on him and make him a literal tomato with how red in the face he goes

Derek showering compliments and peppering kisses while Bax makes his trademarked flirty comments, kisses lingering a bit longer

No matter what you do to add to this man's suffering, it certainly will

Speaking of Cove, he's the last to get comfortable with touch

From you it's been fine since you were kids, and he got used to Derek's touch quickly because of how openly affectionate he could be

But Baxter's normal touch, even just holding hands, was both more subtle and somehow more intimate feeling

So Cove struggled to adapt

Which was fine, of course, he could take all the time he needed

Baxter would always ask if he was allowed to touch him, whether the ask be verbal or not

Even long after Cove started saying yes (near) every time

Same goes for you, if you struggle with touch

They're all very respectful and will ask you first, respecting whatever boundary you set

Baxter being introduced into any of your family lives

Is certainly a sight

He's so out of place it's kind of funny

His family's more uptight and formal

So going to meet Derek's family and seeing the siblings bustle about and bicker, not quite caring about looking strange

Or seeing how much like a friend Cliff tries to be to Cove

or even the soft care your moms gave to you, and the teasing you took from Liz

Happy, loving, slightly chaotic families was not what Baxter was used to and it shows

He was hesitant to bring you three to meet his own family because of it

He wasn't even in very good contact with them himself

None of you pushed him on the matter

They weren't a big part of his life anymore, and honestly from some of the stories he's told?

You'd rather die than have to pretend to be that stuffy and pretentious

Derek and Cove cannot go five minutes without cuddling or holding hands

They're very touchy and affectionate with each other and it's not uncommon for you or Bax to come home or walk into the living room, and they're just tangled up together watching a movie and snacking

Cove and Bax love hearing you and Derek ramble

Whatever interests you at the moment, they'll listen to your voices for hours on end even of they have absolutely no chance of understanding it

If one of you seems really into something and it's sticking, they'll even do light research on their own

So they can be better conversation partners

And so that they can hear you talk more

It melts your heart when they do that for one of you

Or for each other

When the four of you are all cuddling together, Bax likes being the center of it the most

Nine times out of ten if you ask where he wants to be it's pressed against the three of you

Cove likes being on the outer edge, usually

He can get claustrophobic when he's surrounded on all sides, so he's probably on the side of the bed away from the wall too

Occasionally he's having a particularly clingy day and wants to be held by all of you, so long as one side of him (even just his back or front) is free

Derek's happy so long as he's holding a minimum of one person at all times

You can figure out where you'd place yourself in these cuddle piles <3

I can see Liz and Bax being a bit tense at first and you kinda think they hate each other

But when you ask one of them it's revealed that no they actually adore the banter between the two

Baxter and Derek have such potential between the two of them

The suave and semi-formal man and our beloved golden retriever

Derek would "con" the three of you into playing games together

One time it was a sport

That was the day

A.) You got to see Bax all sweaty, and that did things to you

B.) Bax almost passed out

He's not built for running or working out I'm sorry dude

Derek's generally very affectionate

Even just casually with an arm around you, he's always being touchy

Usually in the most innocent way

Usually

Cove likes less obvious PDA

Hand holding or brushing shoulders or even hugging

He doesn't like initiating kisses when you're out

Because he already spontaneously combusts when you do it

He can't fight down his flusterment when he knows other people could see him get embarrassed

Speaking of

He gets embarrassed easily

My man can give a kiss to a cheek and then will hide his blushing face in their chest

He gets a little better about it as time goes on

But he's still very shy

It's adorable <3

Baxter likes to hold you close to him, arm around your waist style

Almost like he's showing you off

Like any of the three of you

When you're out and about it's like he's showing you guys off to the world like

He's happy to call the three of you his <3

[inktailsaystuff]

Ghost and Soap Relationship Headcanons

Tw: Mentions of Intimacy

Pre Relationship~

Kind of a slow burn

Ghost was scared of getting attached even more to Soap than he already was 

Ghost was also heavily in denial about crushing on Soap, like it took him ages to finally admit to himself that he liked Soap

Soap was quite the opposite, he had already flirted with Ghost whenever he got a wee bit too drunk and was in denial for a total of two minutes once he realized

Because Ghost is so closed off, Soap just assumed he didn't like him back

Didn’t stop him from flirting with him tho. (But Soap flirts with everyone ESPECIALLY WHEN DRUNK so no one really thought anything of it)

Price saw the vision before anyone else did

Ghost’s version of “flirting” is a bit more tame than actual straight up flirting. If you didn’t know him the way the 141 did you probably wouldn't even notice, 

Ghost’s flirting is more like subtle light touches, and lots and I mean LOTS of compliments and praise whenever Soap did something well. 

Gaz clocked in on it when Soap drunkenly confessed his feelings about Ghost to Gaz. (Gaz just assumed that Ghost was Soap’s new target for constant flirting) And while being best wing man he saw how touchy Ghost was with Soap

Gaz is best wing man (He will randomly leave the room to leave Soap and Ghost alone)

Ghost will never admit it nor show it, but Soap’s flirting had him feeling all tingly and happy. It made him feel like he had a chance with Soap. 

And let me tell you. This goes on for months of subtle flirting and romantic/sexual tension for agesssssss, it drives Gaz and Price insane. More so Price funnily enough. 

He just wants them to be happy. 

Like at this point even Laswell knows. Half of the base knows. Even Graves knows/j 

Price is just constantly trying to get Ghost or Soap to confess

Soap decides to confess first? Why? Because Gaz got sick of it and just straight up told Soap that if he’s waiting for Ghost to confess it won't happen and he needs to do it first.

Ghost literally malfunctioned when Soap said that. 

Ghost.exe has stopped working

He just stared at Soap and walked off (He was wondering if this was a cruel joke or not, and he was actually really scared of getting into a relationship)

Soap got sad because he thought that meant Ghost didnt like him back so he decided to do the normal thing. 

And drink his problems away while ranting to Gaz. 

It’s like 3:00 AM when Ghost confesses, he just walks up to Soap’s quarters, enters, wakes him up and tells him that he likes him too and then leaves

Soap is hangover and so confused

It's only in the morning did he realize and almost jumped Ghost while he was trying to eat breakfast

Cue like five months of: are we dating? 

Relationship headcanons~

When they FINALLY became official Gaz and Price almost cried of joy /j

But yeah everyone was like FINALLY they got together

Its slow to say the least 

Once they started dating Ghost became really closed off for a while as a defense mechanism

Soap didn't mind tho, he will happily wait for Ghost to get comfortable

But in the meantime he initiates touches and constantly showers Ghost with affection even if it's sometimes unrequited

Once Ghost has gotten comfortable with this new situation he will open up more

He does cook for Soap and he cooks very well. (Soap can and will burn the kitchen down)

Black cat x golden retriever is real

Separately are the some of the smartest people ever, together they are idiots

I'm not kidding, Soap is the youngest to pass SAS selection and everything… Ghost is really well versed in combat and highly skilled…

But you put them together and Soap can’t tell you what 2+2 is and Ghost doesn’t know how to speak English anymore. 

Ghost is slowly learning Scottish from Soap (He denies the claims)

Despite how he scary he looks Ghost is a sucker for cuddles, he loves just picking Soap up and holding him 

Ghost does tend to wear a mask in their room (like the fabric covid masks) because it gives him a sense of familiarity

Soap embroiders things on Ghost’s home masks like cats and stuff like that

Gaz absolutely teases Ghost whenever he walks out with one of his embroidered masks

NO GHOST DOES NOT ABUSE SOAP HE GREW UP IN AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD HE WOULD NEVER HE'S LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED

Intimacy is a big deal since Ghost got SA’d so they take it very slow 

Soap constantly checks if Ghost is okay even if it’s Ghost that’s leading

They don’t tend to get kinky much since it’s about mutual affection and passion to them because of that they also don't get intimate that often other than like making out and stuff like that

Aftercare is also great, Ghost is a wholesome man and I die on this hill he will happily give Soap anything he wants

Soap’s aftercare is also great since he fusses over Ghost afterwards even if Ghost says he's fine he will be cared for.

Anyway it’s a very wholesome relationship with minimal arguments

When arguing Soap will start screaming in scottish and Ghost justs stands there like “Huh-”

But they don’t argue that much and when they do it doesnt last long… perhaps its the constant nagging fear that they will die in battle and if one dies before an argument is resolved their last memory will be of angry words

Ghost is 10000% protective, he gets so scared when Soap gets injured, like once Soap cut his finger while cutting tomatoes and Ghost literally wouldn't let him into the kitchen for a month

He is possessive in a sense he gets all grumpy when someone else flirts with Soap but unless he thinks Soap is uncomfortable or in danger he won't step in because he knows Soap can handle himself. 

Once they retire from the military they do want to just live in the scottish countryside and own a farm :>

[two-white-butterflies]

two white butterflies | d. targaryen

Description: He begins dating a singer, and you kinda hate the spotlight. Pairing: accomplished!daemon targaryen/singer!reader.

"How do you even open this?" you gruff while attempting to open the bottle of wine sitting aimlessly on your countertop. Daemon, your boyfriend of eight years, lets out a chuckle - watching with amusement while you struggle with opening the merlot. "If you need my help, tell me." he takes a casual sip of his black coffee.

His independent girl.

"I can do it," you encourage yourself while gathering all the strength you can muster in taking the cork off. It was supposed to be easy because of the tool - but it only made it feel harder. After a few more seconds of struggling, you finally give in.

You take a step towards him - poking his sides slightly and his attention is torn from the newspaper. "Can you help me?" you flash him those puppy eyes and he hums, taking the bottle and the unscrewer from your hands - opening the bottle with ease.

"Why are you drinking so early in the morning, princess?" he asked, returning his attention back to the newspaper. A small sigh escapes your mouth, remembering the current problem on your hands. "I feel like - I'm entering my flop era," you complain, pouring yourself a glass of wine. His eyebrows merged into each other.

"Meaning?" he inquired - not fully versed with the slang.

"I've finally reached the point in my career where no one gives a fuck about me." you breathed, remembering the speech that your manager gave about streaming numbers - and how you didn't have enough. "I give a fuck about you," he whispered, forgetting about the newspaper for a moment and wrapping his arms around you.

"I give a fuck about you too," you lean into his touch - and he begins to bury his face on the crook of your neck.

There was a niche part of the music industry that belonged solely to you - but with the revolutions in music, the fans have forgotten about you. They've forgotten about their aesthetic roots of americana.

"- I feel pressured right now, the label is counting on me to come up with songs." you rant, knowing that failure was about to follow you. This was about to be your fourth studio album - and everyone knows about the 'fourth' curse. "We'll come up with songs together," he promised, pressing a soft kiss on your collarbone.

He'd do everything to make you happy.

(your full name): 'White Dress' out at 12 AM EST. makeup by @archiemakeup photo by @professordaemontargaryen

1,239 comments 129,374 likes

tyronebelmonte: NO WAY BECAUSE THE GUY WHO TOOK THE PHOTO IS MY PROFESSOR 🤩

y/nworld: w'ere so excited 🧡

Another sigh escapes your mouth seeing the numbers on your instagram. Only a hundred thousand likes - nothing compared to the millions you had when you were starting out.

Daemon takes the phone out of your hands.

"Stop checking it," he commanded, closing your phone and settling it down the night table. He hates the way that your eyes held nothing but sadness in it nowadays. "- numbers don't matter, your voice and your songs sound amazing." he added - complimenting you and pressing soft kisses on your lips.

Part of the reason he fell for you - was because of your voice.

It was akin to a siren.

"I'm too old for this," you pout, burying your face in his chest.

It was nice when you were eighteen - but now that you were twenty-eight. You were 'nearing' expiration simply because they couldn't fetishize your age anymore.

"Darling, you're 28 and I'm 35 - you're too young for this. Believe me." he hummed, placing a strand of your hair away from your face.

spongebobmultifandom: Missing this era of Y/N L/N, now she's just 💀...ion wanna talk.

12,890 comments 234,912 likes

kingdomfall_7: she kinda looks too old now 😭

bitchesandbananas9123: I thought I was the only one lol

(your full name): if you don't have anything good to say, please keep your mouth shut. 😊

"A fucking hatepost has more likes than my actual post," you rant - throwing your phone loudly on the mattress. Tears began flowing out of your eyes while your lover does his best to comfort you. "Hey," he wrapped his arms around you - thinking that it would be enough to bring you to reality.

"If you want to run away from this - I have no complaints." he suggested, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

Running away was going to be the bravest thing you've ever done.

y/nworld_whitedressera: "This is going to be the last song I sing for all of you. I had a fun time changing everything and writing songs that I shared, but this is the end of the line." - Y/N L/N while singing "Nothing New" in Taylor Swift's Eras Tour.

189 comments 177,003 likes

(your full name): Releasing the deluxe version of Blue Bannisters, with bonus song "Violets for Roses".

17,293 comments 1,369,203 likes

madelinediaz: I'm about to throw hands, who hurt mom?

y/nlover: NOT YA'LL MAKING MY AESTHETIC COCAINE PRINCESS QUIT HER JOB 😭 I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO LISTENING TO RAP MUSIC

ShakiraFAN: The song is so sad, we're gonna miss you 🥺

Y/N L/N, WHERE IS SHE NOW?

The songstress had a blossoming career and a cult-like following, however she suddenly fell of the grid after her grammy winning song 'White Dress.'

According to insiders, the singer couldn't handle the hate that comes with fame - and the music industry's double standards.

She is currently married to Dr. Daemon Targaryen M.D. P.hD and is living in Spain. "I'm happier than ever and I'm still writing songs, but now - he's the only one allowed to listen." the former-singer reports.

y/nworld: ppl in her label say that there was supposed to be another album after "Blue Bannisters" named "Chemtrails Over the Country Club" AND WE DIDN'T HAVE THE CHANCE TO HEAR IT.

maybe_y/n: listened to her leaked album (toaster quality recording) and now the only thing i want is for it to be published (it never will)

part two is how to disappear

@watercolorskyy

[blazinghotfoggynights]

Can I get my 911 with a double side of drama and a pitcher of messiness?

I love it when fictional characters are being scandalous or whumped. It's okay to have no morals or limits in fiction.

Spice up the entertainment. Make it hurt so good! Bring the mess!

There. I said it.

That was liberating. Anywho.

In one of my perfect 'verses, the remainder of season 7 would be Eddie getting fully involved with Shannon 2.0, who has no idea he is with Marisol, Eddie being caught in bed with his side piece by Marisol, who tells the whole 118 Eddie is a cheating scumbag, and then a reveal that the woman doesn't even look like Shannon.

The season would end with some type of major emotional trauma pushing Eddie and Buck both over the edge. I need Eddie Diaz to be in a mental breakdown. Not a minor one, I mean a life-altering, mind-shattering, reality-altering breakdown.

Seeing Eddie suffering triggers something in Buck and it sets him on a path filled with confusion, because he doesn't understand why he is hurting so much watching Eddie suffer.

Season 8 could follow Eddie through his mental health, and possible physical health, journey, Buck through the difficulties of balancing being there for the Diazes with the demands of work and his boyfriend, and how the whole 118 rallies to support one of their own while thoroughly calling him out for his actions.

I want to see fighting the truth, slowly rising from denial, jealousy, resentment, anguish. Give it to me! You could have Eddie trying to ignore something he has known most of his life, Buck unsure of where to focus his attention, Tommy demanding Buck be more present and if that means cutting down on his time with Eddie and Christopher, so be it.

Just those three things would be fuel for a whole season of five alarm fire! There could be opportunities for numerous confrontations and conversations between characters who have historically had little to no interaction. There could be fighting, breakups, makeups, bad choices, regrets, etc.

Then, at the end, there is a final showdown. That could be huge and inclusive of all the main characters and many of the recurring. There could be secrets revealed, ugly crying with lots of loud sobs and snot, ultimatums, begging, and so much more.

Realistically, if the show got a season 9, the arcs could be stretched into that season.

I am a Buddie endgame girl; however, I'd love to see Eddie and Buck explore their true selves independently of each other initially. I'd like to see the BuckTommy relationship evolution as more than a stepping stone. I just hope for, and prefer, Buddie endgame.

I am saying this as a staunch Buddie girl over the past six years: If Buddie happens, it should not happen now. Eddie Diaz is too messed up right now to be with anyone. His actions are going to cause trouble and whoever is in the blast radius when his BS blows up will get burned.

Say it with me:

Characters can have other relationships then eventually get together. BuckTommy and Buddie can coexist, PEACEFULLY, within the same fictional show. Wank makes fandom sad.

(I felt I should add that after completing this post, it somehow turned into the outline for a new fic. Can very long sighs cause harm to your lungs, because right now...)

[heartache-otbs]

daylight - lrh (songfic)

an: this song is stuck in my head and i figured it'd be an ouchie fic so im sorry

summary: songfic, daylight by maroon 5 (first verse / chorus)

pairing: luke hemmings x reader

warnings: angst maybe? it's sad.

word count: 767

Here I am waiting, I have to leave soon. Why am I holding on?

Luke lays under the cool silk sheets, your body close to his as he lightly caresses your face under the moonlight. He can't sleep.

He hasn't been able to sleep for weeks. He's been stressing about going off on tour, without you. He loved his job, he loved travelling the world and he loved his fans.

But he also hates his job, because it takes him away from you.

Tomorrow is the day he has to leave, you had fallen asleep pretty early, tired from helping him back and prepare. So Luke had been staring at you for hours, memorizing what your face looked like and touching every square inch of skin he could, trying to hold on to you.

We knew this day would come, we knew it all along. How did it come so fast?

Luke doesn't know why he's desperately trying to hold onto you when this day was inevitable, how could he be so upset when this day had been coming for months? Shouldn't have he accepted it by now?

He thought it was just yesterday that he came home to you, announcing that he could finally go back on tour after the pandemic. How happy you two were and how proud you were of Luke. There was so much love and happiness in that moment, yet that memory in Luke's mind has faded into a blue hue of hidden regret.

It's too soon. Luke begins having second thoughts. I can't leave.

This is our last night, but it's late. And I'm trying not to sleep. Because I know when I wake, I will have to slip away.

Luke has hit the point of exhaustion, he can barely keep his eyes open but he refuses to go to sleep. The moment he wakes up he has to get in the car and get on the road, you couldn't take him because you had a school priority that you couldn't get out of.

"That's okay," Luke had sighed when you told him that you wouldn't be able to see him off "you need to do what ya need to do YN"

Inside he was torn to shreds, knowing he couldn't kiss you at the gate made him not want to go through it.

So Luke kisses you now, soft kisses all over your face while you sleep, his soft lips lingering on your warm skin every few seconds as he makes sure to kiss every inch.

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go, but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close. Because in daylight we'll be on our own. But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close.

You actually cried so much before bed. Once Luke got in the shower, you lost it. You were in such hysterics that Luke heard you from the bathroom and came out to comfort you, tears escaping his face as well.

As you held each other, Luke kept promising that he was never going to let you go. That he'd never let anything come between the two of you, that he'd hold you forever if he needed to. He made a slight joke that he wouldn't go if it made you stop crying.

Was it really a joke though?

What the big thing was about the next day, was that you two had never necessarily been separated for each other for a long period of time. You two had gotten together right before the pandemic started, so you spent all of your time at each other's houses. Moved in together pretty quickly, he hadn't gone anywhere for work and if he did you went with him, because of the pandemic you had online school.

But now with societal normalities back in place, you and Luke had to be separated from each other. Something that you both would have to learn how to deal with.

You two really didn't know how to exist without the other one on hand, some would say it was an unhealthy codependency but you and Luke were just happy.

What would you even do without Luke? It'd be so quiet. So empty. You'd no longer have his comfort coming back from class. No more making pancakes for him on Saturday mornings. Your routine will be all out of sorts, what will make up for it?

You tried not to think about it once it crossed your mind, instead, you let Luke hold you as you drifted off, sinking into the last night you had him next to you, dreading the daylight.

[ghost-proofbaby]

ever since the epilogue was posted ive been thinking of 24 hours on a 24/7 basis !!! its just so good and im so sad to see it end but so happy to have a happy ending 🎉🎉

i just wanted to see if you recommend any other authors that can possibly fill the hole in my schedule that was waiting for a new chapter of 24 hours im already reading simmer, the yes policy, and a few others but is there anymore you recommend??

ONCE AGAIN i am forever kicking, screaming, sobbing and forever in your debt for writing such a masterpiece like i don’t usually re-read stories but i might have to because i laughed, cried, and screamed during this read omg

oooo depends on what vibes you’re going for!!!

if you’re looking for some “quick” immaculate vibes, @loveshotzz Whatta Man two night series is amazing.

anything by @luveline just warms my soul.

Do I Wanna Know? by @hellfire--cult is stellar and soon to be finished so 10/10 recommends (even if it hurt this latest chapter).

i’m also personally diving into @munson-blurbs’s Trapped Under Ice, so if you’re looking for singledad!eddie and want someone (aka me 🥺) to scream about it with as you dive in… 😌

if you’re more into stunning imagery, gut wrenching vibes, and just overall painful beauty, i recommend @jo-harrington. she has her current series As Above So Below focused on kas!eddie, but her store manager verse and freaky friday series also hold special places in my heart.

also all of @lovebugism’s summer fics have finally gotten me to live out my romanticized summer vibes ngl. they’re gorgeous and a hit every time 🥰

and i have yet to dive in properly yet (be still my beating heart), but my love @abibliophobiaa has a beautiful series for eddie currently called daylight that i am so excited to have some free time to properly read (also… for my steve girlies… beyond is to fucking die for.)

this is just a few i’m personally reading tho!!! i’m forgetting so so many people because the amount of talent on here is just unreal. i could go on and on with more authors but i need to contain myself and not be annoying lol 🖤🖤🖤

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 3/22

What am I feeling today?

Honestly, I feel sad. I’m just a little heartbroken and I’m not totally prepared for what the future holds. I want to stay in my little bubble of comfort right now but I know it’ll pop soon and I’m not ready for that. I just want more time.

Bible Plan: Spiritual Wilderness

Demons do not live or abide in dry places; they only go through them. They dwell in wicked places. Demons lives in dead places. As long as you are alive, even if you’re dry, the enemy will feel uncomfortable by your constant praises, praying in the Spirit and confessing God’s Word. He will flee if you submit to God’s Word and stand your ground.

We don’t run from the devil; he runs from Christ in us.

Maybe you feel tempted by the devil in your wilderness as Jesus was, but don’t lose hope. The devil will not stay in a dry place. He will go through it. The enemy is seeking a place to rest. So be alert and keep him from finding “rest” by praising God, seeking God and standing on His Word, even when you don’t feel like it.

You may feel tired, but remember, the enemy gets tired too. Your faith, declarations of Scripture verses, and praise wears out the devil. Continue to press into God’s presence until the enemy gets restless and moves on. Stand firmly on God’s promises and enjoy His warm love in spite of your current situation and feelings.

If you are in a dry place right now and feel like you’re being attacked, I want to prophesy into your life that if you speak God’s Word and not your own feelings, the enemy will flee. Remember, you may be dry, but you’re not dead. Your dry season is coming to an end.

We don’t run from the devil; he runs from Christ in us. <- I like this line and I think it’s a great representation of what we need to do. When we resist him he flees, and to do so we need to remain firm in Christ instead of letting the devil get a foothold in our lives.

Matthew 4:10-11 NIV

“Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.”

Here’s Jesus resisting Satan after his time in the wilderness being tempted (and remember that it was the Holy Spirit that led him there in the first place). Once Jesus makes it clear, Satan leaves. We need to mimic Jesus in this way, resisting and shooing him away because he will leave.

Matthew 12:43-45 NIV

““When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.””

This is kinda terrifying but it absolutely makes sense. When we become disciples it flees from us, but then it comes back for the attack. What it was initially we can resist because we’ve already overcome it once. But it realized this and then comes back even harder, the devil is persistent and will go after you even more to get you back.

James 4:7 NIV

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

The main thing to keep in mind! He will flee from you if you resist him. But you have to resist. If you give him a chance, he’ll just worm his way in until he’s made a home of you and then it’ll be so much harder to get him to leave. But again, you have to do all this in reliance and submission to God. Which I know for me can be a bit of a struggle because I can have a hard time being submissive to anyone.

[acknowledgetheabsurd]

It's Sunday. The day is almost beautiful, with wind. They are playing boules on the road below and I can hear the clash of the balls from my room. The world is peaceful. How nice it would be to have the heart of a boule player in a Provençal village on a Sunday! But I promised myself to tell you the facts.

It's not much, it's true. Life continues with one more guest at the meals, Michèle Halphen who has moved to the hotel. I think she's leaving tomorrow. I like her but her sadness adds to the inertia of the days here. Yesterday, after a week's absence, Dolo came to liven up the house. I took her home in the evening. Sad too: she has been waiting for S[artre] for weeks, he said he would come at the end of this month and he announces that it will be at the beginning of the next. In short, things are not going well for her. Cheerful, isn't it?

I was repeating to myself Vigny's verse: "Separated lovers were united at the altars"! Come on, it's not for tomorrow. More important news: my brother is coming tomorrow. As the G[allimard]s are still here (they leave on the 20th) I will lodge him at the hotel. I will go tomorrow afternoon to Cannes to look for him. I am happy to see him again, but worried about him. I would like him to get well again. What else? A doctor from Grasse came to dinner with his wife. She had lost her mother following an operation that had caused an intestinal obstruction. The mourning was eight days old. Now you know that the company of more than four people exhausts me. Moreover, you can't count on the G[allimard]s to animate the conversation. So I made a great effort to talk about anything. The result was that I spoke successively about the cemetery in Cabris, about surgeons who are butchers, and about intestinal obstruction (all this without thinking of the deceased, of course). To finish, I told the story of Chamfort, where a doctor talking about his deceased patient said: "He is dead, no doubt, but he died cured."

On Wednesday Gide, who is in Juan-les-Pins where he is translating an English play for Barrault invited us all to lunch. Cartier, the producer I told you about and about whom you didn't tell me anything (but you are answering less and less to the questions I ask you. Linotte!) writes to me about his projects. I don't know why I trust him. After all, maybe we'll see The Plague on the screen. Now it's my turn. I've been muddy for two days. Headaches, vague nausea, I feel like I'm pregnant. I've even lost my rested complexion, but I guess it will pass. It is true that this waiting, it is silly to say, is so anxious that it ends up tiring me even physically. I exhaust myself imagining you and living our meeting in advance. Yet I behave wisely: a well-organized schedule, regular work (which does not necessarily mean fruitful work. There are good days and bad days, that's all). But the deprivation of happiness sometimes has the effect of under-nourishment, of asphyxiation too.

All my hope, all my courage comes finally from what I expect as a total reunion, love, emotion, joy, absolute freedom between us, bodies and soul, transparency and naturalness. And I do not wait for it as a utopia. I wait for it because I am sure of it. And it is not so far, no, it is not so far. Because listen carefully: yesterday in the mountain I saw the first flowers of the almond tree. The tree was still black. But at the ends of the branches a dozen or so frail and soft flowers were already rustling in the wind. You understand, my love, Maria dear! It was the extreme point of the extreme beginning of spring. And a great impulse came to my eyes and heart, which I can call no more than an impulse of adoration. I made a vow. I looked for a long time at the crying petals. And I went home, my heart full of love. Goodbye, my beautiful and wonderful love. I kiss my Valentine and give her the few flowers that we should give on Valentine's Day to the one that we love. You are the one I love, before every spring, and I kiss you deeply, with all my love.

Albert Camus to Maria Casarès, Correspondance, February 12, 1950 [#187]