#all the anti tags are to be as safe as possible

[phantomoftheorpheum]

I don't love the Noa cheating thing, but I guess within the plot it kinda makes sense with her having more in common with Jen than she does with Shawn. Like Jen understands what she's dealing with more than Shawn could (even if he wanted to) simply because she's experienced it with her mom. Definitely wondering if it's going to play into her test somehow. The truth coming out or having to choose between the two in a way

This got kind of lengthy (lol, no one has been surprised less), so I've placed most of it under the cut. Also to help avoid detailed spoilers for people who are trying to do so.

I agree that the plot isn't necessarily a bad one for the story (like I've mentioned a million times that I don't like love triangles or infidelity plots, but they can be executed well, and depending on how this situation turns out, I'm still open to being okay with the plot line in theory), just one that makes me feel highly critical of the characters involved. And personally a bit sad, as Noa was my favorite in season 1 and I can't currently honestly say that in season 2.

I can definitely see why Jen (or even just the situation surrounding Jen) is more exciting & appealing to Noa, particularly at this time. She's a teenager who has been in a fairly steady long term (by teenage standards) relationship with a stable, but possibly slightly boring, guy. Noa formed a connection with Jen when she was at a low point (taking the fall for her mom), and the kind of bond that you can create when you're spending so much time with someone outside of your normal context can be intense. And Jen is a secret (at least we have not seen Noa tell anyone else about their romantic connection), which is thrill seeking and a little "dangerous," without (usually) actually being that dangerous. Jen is mysterious. There's a lot Noa doesn't know about her (illustrated clearly by her having no concept of Jen's father or her relationship with him prior to this episode). And I do agree that some of the closeness Noa feels to Jen has to do with their commonalities and relationships with their moms. Jen gets the stigma of having been to juvie. Jen gets what it's like to live with a mother who is an addict. Jen understands what it means to have to struggle to pay bills and be the "adult" in her household when she shouldn't have to be.

The thing is, I'm not entirely sure Jen is actually being honest about her backstory/home life at all. I certainly have some suspicions about that. It could all be true, or it also could be largely fabricated (or selectively true) in order to bond with Noa. Hard to say at this point. The reason that I doubt Jen's honesty (when I am currently giving the benefit of the doubt to Christian and Johnny) is because we've seen her lie multiple times, casually, on screen. If Christian or Johnny are also doing that, we don't know it yet. Jen's family (or her possible lies about her family) have become plot relevant with Noa borrowing money to bail Jen out for stealing from her father, so that definitely makes me question how Jen and her family (or her lies) might be important in the following episodes.

So, all that being said, while I can understand why Noa is interested in Jen (even though I would have personally much preferred a "Shawn and Noa broke up between seasons and then this girl she knows from juvie shows up at summer school" plot, just due to my own pet peeves and the reinforcement of negative stereotypes around bisexuality) the way in which she's gone about conducting herself is just really pretty shit. It's okay to fall out of love with someone. It's okay to end a relationship, not because things were bad, but because it was no longer fulfilling. It's okay to realize that you feel more attracted to and connected to someone else, and therefore it's time to reevaluate and possibly end your relationship. These things happen all the time. People still get hurt, but it's not because anyone is a villain. The problem is... Noa isn't doing any of that?

The only dissatisfaction we have seen of her relationship with Shawn this season is that he didn't go to Mouse's birthday. She also doesn't like/get along with his mom, but it's not as if Shawn was upset with her over this, he recognized and understood this issue, and even pushed back against his mother when he witnessed it in person. Noa has continued engaging in a physical/sexual relationship with Shawn (generally prompted by her), as well as a romantic one, while lying to him about her past and present relationship with Jen. She has not only shamelessly introduced him to the person she's cheating on him with, but had the audacity to play into Shawn's affection/understanding of how hard things have been with Noa's mom in order to get him to pay for Jen's bail. Two thousand dollars is a lot of money, and the fact that she could sit there, ask for that, play into how Jen is dealing with the same stuff Noa has, lie to him about why Jen was arrested in the first place, fail to mention that it was Noa's plan to steal from Jen's father, and then immediately run off to kiss Jen behind his back is... Well, it's something.

Up until 2x04, I simply felt bad for Shawn, because he (that we currently know of) hasn't done anything to deserve this, but I also thought Noa was at least a little conflicted about this situation. Her behavior in 2x04 showed absolutely no regret/remorse for her actions, which reflects absolutely terribly on her character. I was expecting at least a "I don't know if I can do this," or something after the kiss with Jen, where we see her immediately feel guilty, but nope. Just all giggles while cheating with the girl your boyfriend just spent 2k on helping out. Like forget about Shawn as person/character for a second, this is about Noa and who she is, what kind of integrity she has, and it is revealing a really heartless side to her. I hope the show has plans to try to build her back up in the future.

All that being said, (aside from the whole "bisexuals are cheaters" stereotype that is being reinforced) I think the storyline could be really interesting. Will Noa feel bad about her actions next episode when she's had a little time to reflect, or no? Is Jen being honest? Does Shawn already know? I actually think (if this is genuinely plot relevant and not just side romance drama) this whole situation could be a legitimately good use of the love triangle/infidelity plot (even though those tropes are generally not my favorite). It definitely feels like Noa has a big storm coming, and I can't say she hasn't earned it. I'm very curious to see what her test is, and how the Jen & Shawn situation will play into it. Is she going to have to make some sort of decision, like you said?

Right now, on a personal level, I do not ship any of these three with each other. I'm very pro "go sit in a corner and think about what you've done" for them atm. And if Shawn is innocent, I hope he gets a cathartic moment by the end of the season. So... that's where I'm at with it. I get it, I can see ways in which it may work for the plot, it makes me very upset with Noa as a character.

[mixingpumpkins]

Man, we really lost when we decided that the best way to feel safe or to try to prevent bad things from happening is to assume malicious intent from everyone and police every little fucking thing about existing.

Want to go shopping? You'll be treated like a thief. Security cameras, anti-theft sensors by the door, and a staff that may or may not follow you around isn't enough; we're also putting security tags on every single piece of $4 underwear in the bargain bin and keeping everything on the shelves under lock and key, so you can't even look at it without staff assistance/supervision. No, cameras and staff monitoring checkouts isn't enough. We also need someone else searching your bags and verifying your receipts at the door. (And god help you if a security sensor somewhere didn't get deactivated properly and the door alarm goes off.)

Are you a student taking an exam? We've already decided you're a cheater. Of course you are — all students cheat. So you get assigned, spaced out seats in the testing room, surrounded by cameras. Show us your photo ID at the door. Nothing goes in the room with you but your pencil. Leave your phone, wallet, water, and anything else in a locker outside. All your jewelry, too. No long sleeves. Let us check your hair/headbands/pockets/ears/religious garb in case you're smuggling something in. Need to leave for the restroom? No, you don't, or your exam is done. Emergency? You can choose between literally shitting yourself or failing your course and risking expulsion for cheating.

Online exam? Prepare to be subject to literal spyware. Your eyes better not waver a fraction out of the "acceptable" gaze window. Don't press any button you're not supposed to or mis-click anything; that's proof you're trying to cheat. Don't even think about shifting in your seat, even if your test is two hours long.

Do you work? It'd better be at top speed and no errors at all times. We have security cameras trained on you every moment, sensitive enough to read the text of any paper you handle. We're tracking exactly what you do and how fast. Did your metrics slip for even a second? Unacceptable, even if your rate is otherwise within our "acceptable" range, because we know you can work faster. Yawn? How dare you — we don't pay you to be tired. You're not working hard enough. You must not have enough to do — your requirements have now tripled and we've cut your pay as an incentive not to waste time again. Make a mistake? You must have done it on purpose. You must be trying to steal or sabotage. We'll be evaluating to see how quickly we can fire you and if we can press charges or sue you for damages.

Need to travel via plane? It doesn't matter if you're paying through the nose to do so; you're clearly a criminal who's only not committing a crime at this very moment because you're outnumbered by security officers. We need to question you excessively if you don't look exactly like your ID picture taken three years ago. Take off half your clothes and walk through our scanners that will basically show you without them. (Then prepare to be wanded, and possibly groped — maybe even by more than one person — and if we really feel like it, taken to another room to be stripped and questioned further.) You can't take some necessities with you. Your belongings will be x-rayed and pawed through and commented upon, and they're maybe even a reason to detain and question you further. Why does your purse have suspicious organic matter in it? No, that can't possibly be a bag of fruit snacks you bought from the kiosk 20 feet away; you're trying to hide explosives.

Need medication? You're lying. You're faking. You're just trying to get drugs. You're an addict. You're a dealer. No, you don't have a condition that really requires medication; if you just slept more/lost weight/did yoga/were a better person, you wouldn't have to feel like you need to use drugs. We don't care if your doctor says you need this medication — your insurance company says you don't. Oh, you can afford it anyway? At that price? You must be reselling. We need to investigate and put notes on your file.

Communicating via message? God forbid you take even a fraction of a second too long to respond. You must be trying to hide something. You're slacking off your work. You must be cheating on your partner. You must have a problem with the sender and are leaving them out of something. You left them on read; you're being a bitch. You edited a response or took too long to type something — you're actually being mean and manipulative by not just saying what was on your mind first. Company policy is we get to see everything on your devices. You shouldn't have a problem sharing your personal location/passwords/etc. with your partner if you're not up to no good.

Want to simply exist where a stranger might see you? That's suspicious. What are you doing out here? We don't recognize you. You must be stealing. You must be casing the houses or stores in this neighborhood. You must be looking for someone to rob/assault/harass/etc. You must be part of that rabble claiming they're protesting to cover up the nuisances and criminals they are. Why did you hold a door for me — are you trying to get behind me? Why have I seen you more than once while I'm shopping here — are you following me? Why did you smile at me — do you have a problem? Why are you walking down the street? Why are you sitting on a bench? Why are you visiting the library? Why are you eating alone at the cafe? You don't look like you belong here. You look like a creep. You need the police to come handle you. (If they use force, that just shows you were up to something and totally deserve it.)

Want to exist online? We need to know everything about you — your real name, address, email, age — to ensure you're not a criminal. But you're probably also lying. We need to spy on everything you do, too: every site you visit (and how long you spend there), every purchase you make, every message you send, every search you do. We will take everything you say in bad faith, so be careful about what you post. But it's also extremely suspicious if you don't post — who doesn't have an extensive social media presence these days? What are you trying to hide? You need to indicate that you think the right way. You aren't posting about this — you must not care; you must be a bad person. You deleted an old post — you must be trying to hide your awful views. You can't possibly just be removing things from your profile that no longer reflect who you are. You posted something that I don't like — I knew there was something off about you. It's not a leap to think you're also into worse things. You're probably a pervert. You're actually a criminal of the worst sort and this is an early warning sign for those of us who are smart enough to see it. We're only accusing you of these things NOW so you don't have an opportunity to do them.

Didn't you know? You need to be constantly watched and humiliated and inconvenienced and sometimes even attacked because that's the only thing standing in the way of bad things happening. If you find all this demeaning, there's something wrong with you. Only criminals would rather trade this for being less safe. You don't want us to go from thinking you're a criminal to knowing you're a criminal, do you?

...

Like, fuck. Aren't you tired of living like this???

Some of this stuff has been around for a long time, and it obviously isn't applied evenly across all demographics. But a lot of it has also gotten exponentially worse within the past few decades. Please don't ever accept any of this as normal or necessary or good, because it's not. I'm going insane watching people shrugging off the increasing infantilization and dehumanization of everyone just because this is all they can remember.

It doesn't have to be this way. Don't ever take this shit as a given — it wasn't that long ago that some of this would have been unthinkable. And the instant someone starts talking about doing things a certain way/supporting certain things because of "safety" or "security," be very careful about blindly agreeing with them. We lose very real, important things in pursuit of the nebulous concept of "safety."

[drowning-rat37]

☆ Mia/pvr9ing harm reduction and after care ☆

☆ps.- this is not tips on “how to do it better”, this is tips on how to not hurt your body too much while doing it. I am in no way suggesting anyone starts doing it, i am just saying if you are already doing it, try to stay safe❤️❤️❤️

☆anti-acids: if you’re planning to pvr9e, take a couple before you eat, it’ll reduce the acidity of your stomach acid, which in turn reduces the level of enamel loss and tooth decay as well as reducing the trauma on your oesophagus from the acid

☆short nails: if you use your fingers, keep your nails short to prevent scratching/cvtting your throat. Having short nails is also more hygienic as (even if you keep your nails clean) the underside of your nails can carry a lot of bacteria, (this is mainly found in children but has been known in adults) can carry types of worms under the nails. If you have long nails or false nails i recommend going on the utensil route

☆hand sanitizers or antibacterial soap: if you’re adamant that you don’t want to cut your nails short, clean under your nails thoroughly with hand sanitizer and wash ALL OF YOUR HANDS with antibacterial soap to avoid getting ill. Another thing to address about getting ill: you may think “if i get ill/sick then I won’t eat as much” or “i’ll be throwing up so no need for pvr9ing” in theory, great. In reality, it feels awful. I used to think that sort of way and then ever time i got ill i would feel like actual death, just stay clean and hygienic please🙏🙏🙏

☆water: after pvr9ing your body gets extremely dehydrated, make sure to drink enough water, also I recommend alkali water to reduce acid reflux. Take small sips every couple of minutes as to not make yourself feel more nauseous than you probably already are!!!

☆electrolytes: if possible, get yourself a drink with electrolytes or you can also get sachets that are sugar free and put that in water. In another post (i think i tagged it as an update post to a different post i have put a picture of some electrolyte water i bought, i really like that brand)

☆warnings: bl00d, feeling like you’re about to pass out, legs shaking, hands shaking. If you see any of those signs, take a break or stop all together, I’ll get into each signs in detail in a second.

☆utensils: if you’re not using your fingers, keep your utensils clean, weather its a toothbrush or cutlery or something different. Also please use something you know you can easily hold onto to prevent choking on it or letting go of it. If you’re using cutlery, find plastic cutlery, im not talking about the cheap flimsy ones, im talking about the thick type you can get from ikea or other places, make sure it’s rounded in the side you are putting in your mouth, again to not cause trauma to your throat. I can not stress this enough: use👏 something 👏 you👏 can👏 easily 👏 hold👏 on👏 to

☆tools: this is a follow up from the utensil. Please try not to use medication or other methods to induce vomiting, it is extremely dangerous. I have seen a lot of people (specifically on a certain clock app) talking about putting large amounts of salt in water and drinking it to induce vomiting, i can not stress this enough DO NOT DO THAT, it is so incredibly dangerous and by far the most unpleasant way to pvr9e. This is coming from someone who has tried almost ever way, including the salt method. It can cause long term health issues to consume that much salt even if you vomit it back up, there will still be a large amount left in your system which can lead to high blood pressure (which if you are pvr9ing often may already have) and generally if you are going to that extent to pvr9e, take a break from doing it, even if it is hard!!!!

☆food/chewing: make sure that what you’re eating before you pvr9e you chew really well, if you swallow large chunks, it will be hard to get up and you have a chance of choking and it will not be good and is very scary. Bread is especially hard to get up. Some foods should definitely be avoided, such as hard crunchy foods like tortilla chips/crisps, they are sharp once broken and in the time it takes for you to eat, then pvr9e, your body will not have broken it down enough and it WILL hurt coming back up. Try to stick to soft or quickly digest-able foods to avoid pain and trauma to the throat.

☆follow on to the warning signs ☆

☆Bl00d: if you pvr9e bl00d, genuinely stop, i know you might not want to but to avoid damage, stop. If it is anything above a few drops, I greatly suggest seeking medical attention asap. Give yourself a week or two to recover from that, it will be hard but it’s whats best for harm reduction!!!!(this is a very scary thing to experience, the first time it happened i was terrified however as you can see, i am alive, i didnt die although that still doesn’t mean you should just ignore it)

☆feeling like you’re about to pass out/ hands and legs shaking: believe me, you do not want to be found on the floor after pvr9ing. If you’re shaking, take a break, weather its 10 minutes or a couple days, take a break. If you feel shaky, that is a sign you are going to pass out, again, take a break. Sit down in a place you know you won’t hurt yourself if you do pass out, have a drink and rest for a moment!!! I know you don’t want to hear the “listen to your body bull shit” but in cases like this it is vital if you are genuinely trying to avoid permanent damage or injuries of any kind!

☆Thank you for reading, stay safe. My dm’s are open if you need help or advice. If you need to reach out to your local helpline don’t hesitate, you’re weak for reaching out for help!!! ☆

@mamabearwonders

[audristarzz]

KOSA SENATE VOTE TOMORROW!!

Guys just a reminder that tomorrow is the day that KOSA gets voted on in the SENATE. I’m not trying to scare you guys at all but.. guys😭 the KOSA tag on tumblr has been like SILENT. ITS GOING TO THE SENATE TOMORROW!! and considering how it passed the first “phase” (?) with a 86-1 vote then unfortunately there’s probably a high chance of it passed the senate, again not trying to scare you guys but CMON!!! THIS IS THE DAY WE NEED TO BLOW UP THEIR PHONES (do it respectfully ofc) AND TELL THEM WE DON’T WANT KOSA!! There is more opposition in the House than Senate but still!! call your representatives and senators and tell them how this bill is an anti LGBTQ censorship bill that specifically targets the transgender community (said by senator marsha blackburn) and it will be a danger hazard if we’re needed to upload our government ID to access sites which can possibly be easily accessed leading to doxxing, (please correct me if I’m wrong about that) I don’t hear a lot of people talking about the ID part which is concerning.. to my fellow minors who see this!! you can still call and email, they’re not going to ask you for your age or anything like that. Guys if we stay quiet and not do anything other than reblogging then that’s how we loose!! Don’t let them take away the internet from us because I know it’s a way of feeling safe and comfort. Again, I’m not trying to scare you guys but I URGE you to go to StopKosa or just CALL/ EMAIL/ FAX!! WE HAVE ONE MORE DAY GUYS!!! also I know it’s scary but please don’t panic!! We’ve stopped this bill before we can do it again. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CALL!! AND DO NOT PANIC

[samble-movedd]

madohomu isn't "toxic".

madohomu isn't "abusive".

the behaviors they exhibit that are labeled this way only seem such because they are out of context.

for example. pre-rebellion, there were "homura antis" who called homura an abuser (no, i am not making this up, check out @/magicalgirlfanproblems' pmmm tags) for things like her yelling at madoka. out of context, ofc this sounds mean and malicious. but in context, 99% of the time she says something "mean" to madoka in the main series or raises her voice is because madoka is about to make a literal canon deal with the devil that would lead to her dying in horrifying ways. it's the same way you shouldn't normally yell at a child, but yelling "don't touch that!" in panic if they're about to touch a hot stove makes sense and isn't "bad" with the context.

during and post-rebellion, this "homura is an evil abuser, madohomu is toxic" issue only got worse, because again, without context, homura seems to be controlling and malicious.

...but the "proof" that's used to prove this, again, lacks context.

"homura forces madoka out of godhood against her will". yes. but she is doing this because when she previously spoke to madoka (who had her memories of being a goddess gone, unbeknownst to homura), madoka said that being such would distress her, and she couldn't imagine bearing it. that she wouldn't ever want to do this. ofc, memories restored madoka wanted to stay a goddess, but homura didn't know this — it's also heavily implied that what she said while without memories were her true thoughts on the matter, and any "no, i love doing it" statement is mostly posturing.

related to this is the plot point a lot of people also miss, where being this goddess figure puts madoka in constant danger of being captured or controlled by the incubators, a species that canonically have caused the deaths of billions of children, and who do not care about human morals regarding this. it's openly stated that, even if homura had allowed madoka to save her and not acted, the incubators would have just done the same labyrinth experiment with literally any other magical girl they could get their hands on, over and over, until they were able to end up controlling madoka. but even them just seeing her towards the end of rebellion was a massive danger, as they now know madoka is a person and not just a concept, and can be manipulated and caught.

homura's new world is also often used as "proof" homura is controlling and evil. but...her "new world" is one where all her friends are happy, and everyone has a nice time except her. madoka has her family and friends. mami isn't alone, because she has bebe/nagisa. nagisa, a girl she knew for maybe a week and had no prior connections with, is alive, and has a happy life with mami. kyoko and sayaka live together so that sayaka isn't an implied latchkey kid, and kyoko isn't constantly alone and isolated anymore.

homura did not have to do these things. if she just wanted madoka safe, she could have put her in a lonely world with literally no one else. homura doesn't even much like sayaka — she could have easily erased sayaka from the world, or made her miserable. but she doesn't do these things. she genuinely wants her friends (especially madoka) to be happy.

"but the new world is dangerous and unstable, homura is also putting madoka into danger!" madoka's world is also unstable, if you really want to split hairs. the big danger with homura's is someone (esp madoka) could remember the previous world and their roles in it. madoka's world...had homura fully remembering madoka and the previous world, even though this isn't meant to be possible. madoka's brother also remembered her on some level. if you want to get super technical, madoka also made an unstable world that put people in danger, as homura remembering madoka directly led to the incubators knowing about madoka and the previous witch system.

this isn't even going into the background. homura doesn't act cold because she's bored and wants to, she's seen her friends die literally a hundred times or more in various horrifying ways. if you're going to complain about her personality while ignoring canon and context, you really need to channel every single pmmm character hate post i saw from the 2010s and hate all of them, because none of them are as flawless as people seem to want homura to be. madoka cries a lot and has a tendency to do things without thinking. sayaka "died over a dumb crush" if you really want to emulate posts from 2015. mami is a useless character only there for shock value. kyoko is an overly aggressive weirdo. if you're going to hold the same beliefs about homura as people did a decade ago, you can't be this choosey. and yet 99% of modern character hate for pmmm nowadays is directly almost solely at homura, as though she's the only flawed character in the show.

there are still posts made in this very year about this. here's one my mutual @angelroute found (yes, posted in 2024):

and not only is it deeply ironic (seeing this person had a madoka icon while being so hateful), ignorant of canon (with being a magical girl portrayed as a positive in the show where it leads to dying horrifically), and weirdly vindictive (op is thirty and this mad at a fictitious middle schooler), but it shows how strange and backwards 90% of "anti homura" arguments are at their core. they're perfectly fine spitting on canon and all context to call homura and homura alone an evil character while covering their ears to anything that may suggest otherwise.

ive seen homura called a rapist and a predator, though there's nothing even remotely sexual in canon and nothing that ever even implies this is a possibility. homura being a creep is/was a major fanon trope. homura being an abuser as a fanon belief is so prevalent that people believe it when most of canon points to the opposite —

she's not actually evil or abusive, she's a child who never got help for trauma, and genuinely believes she's following what her best friend would have wanted. she's not doing what she does in rebellion because she got bored and decided she just wanted to control madoka, she is trying to protect her and is misguided from what memory-less madoka said, so believes she's following madoka's actual desires.

she's not evil. she needed help desperately and never got it, and half the fandom falls for the facade of "im sick and twisted" put up by a middle schooler.

[sysmedsaresexist]

We're curious, since you apparently were anti-endo in the past Was there any specific event or conversation or experience that got you to start contemplating the idea you might have been wrong? I know you've mentioned talking to a buncha big name docs and going "okay I think I'm on the wrong side of this debate" but what got you to the point of even bringing it up with them in a genuinely open minded way? We think its an interesting topic for people who've escaped any kind of shithead mindset, not just anti-endo stuff, and so we're oft curious what pulls people out of those pits

This has been a loooonnggggg time coming.

I wish there was just one event that did it, if it was that simple I'd be putting everyone I come into contact with into that situation.

I spoke with Kymbra Clayton in early 2021 about her paper, Critiquing the Requirement of Oneness. It was on a bunch of, "proof endos exist," lists, and it didn't sit right with me. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t... quite anti endo, but she was upset that her work was being used to support them. Her paper was specifically about the shift in clinical circles from final fusion to functional multiplicity as a possible treatment goal. It sort of sent me deeper on the anti side, but it made me realize that, holy crap, I can talk to these people???

So I emailed Colin Ross later that year, desperate to prove someone else wrong, and despite numerous back and forth emails, he was completely pro endo. I never spoke about that conversation until I made my post about it... jeez, what, two weeks ago? What even is time.

But from there, I worked through other doctors, pro and anti, from both my personal, professional circles, and anyone else who would respond to inquiries about their work on whatever social media they were active on. Mostly, as therapists, they stressed the importance of understanding and kindness, regardless of personal beliefs.

I ended up helping a lot of endogenic systems learn about DID, and I realized that, wow, shocking, being nice facilitates conversation. As I got nicer, people were more willing to talk to me about their experiences. I saw how many people were really struggling and I realized that I wanted to help them more than I wanted to be right.

I got REALLY goddamn tired of hearing, "we don't have DID," and I realized I had to concede on that point. There was ZERO conversation to be had if I couldn't get my head around that. But if not DID, then what?

The more I heard, the more I shaped my own thoughts and understanding, the more I broadened my academic searches (wow, there's more terms to Google than just "DID trauma"), and the research was just overwhelming.

I wanted so badly to see the Stanford Tulpa studies fail that I actually started to enjoy the other work of the doctors involved (specifically Tanya Luhrmann, Michael Lifshitz is a little out there for me, but he sure is passionate). The more I read, the more I understood what they were hoping to accomplish and prove, and the more I saw ways that this kind of research can help people.

I don't agree with everything, but I'm still excited to see where it goes, and I realized it's okay to have mixed feelings and opinions, as long as I could be respectful about it.

I've been sneaking out endo safe content for about a year now, adding it on as the last tags. I've discussed at length about my changing beliefs. I'm shocked that no one noticed??

But I didn't actually change my stance publicly until the antis turned on me.

With this new round of antis from TikTok, they were posting stuff about DID that wasn't correct. At all. Some of it was disgustingly wrong. I tried to correct them, gave them pointers and resources to use, explained things they weren't understanding. I gave an amazing play by play of how @sophieinwonderland was going to tear their post apart, and managed to get it pretty damn close to what actually happened! That was fun.

And in return, they called me an endo and started an actual smear campaign against me.

(Hi, friendos, another reminder to get off my blogs and block me, please)

It was the straw that broke the back. I had held on the anti label specifically to be able to work within the anti community, but I was clearly not anti, these were clearly not my people, and they weren't interested in learning. Their actions and behaviour were beyond low. I wanted nothing to do with them.

But, I mean, I guess some people noticed my slow shift, because when I did reach out into the endo community just before I made my first Colin Ross post, they were quick to pull me in without question.

The acceptance and kindness that has been shown to me is... breathtaking. I can't think of a better word. The conversations that I've been having with people have been more interesting and beneficial than ever before.

Syscourse needs to involve actual conversation, and I've finally found that on the pro side.

TL;dr I wanted to prove endos wrong SO badly that I accidentally proved them right

[loveless-arobee]

While I know the angry-aro blogs are from a troll (just blog them, really. They're an incredibly annoying individual who has just made a new blog to block-evade...), I do want to emphasize that my notes are not a safe place for ace-phobia.

While I did make a pose critisizing sex-negative and anti-AlloAro sentiments I've noticed in aspec-spaced, that does not mean I hate aces or would in any world agree that aces somehow oppress aros.

Yes, there are quite a few asexual people who do not question their own internalized anti-AlloAro rhetoric, and some (not a lot, but we won't get anywhere if we act like they don't exist) who openly agree with this sentiment and are extremely sex-negative and aromisic, the number of aces who try their best to listen, understand and include alloaros in aspec spaces is much greater. A lot of the people who reblogged and agreed with the post I mentioned above were asexual!

We won't get anywhere by acting like everyone will always be the worst possible. Assuming all aces hate AlloAros won't make the community any better, and aces assuming all AlloAros hate them won't either. Because none of that is true.

We also won't get anywhere by ignoring anti-AlloAro rhetoric in ace-spaces, or anti-ace rhetoric in AlloAro spaces (and also not by assuming anything AlloAros say about themselves without mentioning aces is somehow ace-misic...)

The reason I criticize aces for AlloAro-misia is not because I believe all aces are somehow more arophobic than any other given person, but because I try to make the aspec community a safer place for everyone, and AlloAros are part of that community, and a part that has been very often excluded from aro communities in the past. (One example I can think of being the aromantic subreddit implementing a rule that forced aroallos to tag even just mentioning sexual attraction without ever going into detail as "NSFW" and when they tried to fight back, because simply saying they're allosexual is not NSFW, being told to go to the AroAllo subreddit instead because they made the AroAces uncomfortable (there were also a bunch of AroAces speaking out against that, though. A few of them being assholes doesn't mean all of them are, even if the assholes happen to be the ones in charge in this case.) The rule is gone, afaik, but I'm not on reddit anymore so no clue what's going on now.)

Some aces being bigoted assholes does not give you the right to attack all of them nor to be bigoted back at them.

[farfromstrange]

Do No Harm: A Matt Murdock x Reader Series

PREVIEW

Masterlist | Series Masterlist (coming soon)

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Doctor!Reader

Set during: Daredevil Season 1

Summary: Two years ago, you fled across the country, leaving your past far behind you. Dedicated to helping those in need, you only barely escaped the shadows that haunted you. But you managed; you changed your name, acquired an entirely new identity and a New York medical license – all for a chance at a new life. You somehow managed to get a job at Metro General in Hell’s Kitchen, rented a new apartment and made new friends. The person you claimed to be did, anyway. Everything was going well. Too well. Until one day, you run into Matt Murdock. In an instant, the safe haven you built for yourself starts to unravel, and you find yourself forced to face the very life you tried your hardest to escape.

Warnings: Angst, domestic violence, implied/referenced child abuse, substance abuse, canon typical violence, injury, mental illness, strong language, eventual smut, Black Suit, medical jargon (but I’m not a doctor), Reader has a fake name that is used for a big portion of this story ("Olivia Carter"), no y/n

A/n: I've been watching a lot of medical dramas lately to cope with the drama of life. This is how this idea came to life. I couldn't help myself. As mentioned in the warnings, Reader has a fake name due to her history, but it still a reader insert. I use "you" and she/her pronouns when referring to the Reader. So you can either see her as an OC or as yourself. I hope you guys enjoy this little gem! See more information below.

18+ for EXPLICIT CONTENT. MINORS DNI!

More under the cut.

ONE: Night Shift (coming December 1st)

Excerpt from Chapter 1

[…] Matt doesn’t want to be a liability, he doesn’t want to be the reason the people he loves get hurt, and yet it continues to happen time and time again.

Maybe he’s cursed. It’s the only explanation for how things are going for him now. Maybe God has a grudge and finally decided to exercise his right to make his life a living hell. There is an infinite number of possibilities, but none of them make sense.

He’s the anti-hero of his own story and that of everyone else who ever dared to let him into their lives. He’s his own worst enemy, his personal saboteur. His unwavering pride has a tendency to get in the way of his happiness, which often leads to more bad than good, but admitting that would leave him vulnerable and exposed—he can’t get hurt again.

It’s better to push the people he loves away before he can hurt them and force them to walk out on him the same way everyone else in his life has ever since he can remember. At least in his twisted mind, that’s true. […]

-> Story Aesthetic

If you want to be added to the tag list, please let me know! I do separate ones for all of my series because not everyone who filled out the tag list form wants to read an entire series. So, this will be tagged separately and only those who want me to.

[aroace-spec-empire]

~The introduction~

Hello fellas

This is the AroAce Spec Empire blog

This blog is all about plans to take over Europe + Being silly

And eventually the whole world WHO SAID THAT!?

Soon, Europe and the whole world shall be ruled by AroAce Specs, and of course, ✨garlic bread✨

We are currently working on:

-A national anthem

-A constitution

(Note: My main blog is @crystalsandbubbletea)

The history/timeline of the Empire can be found here

Government: Anarchy (With a constitution)

National flower: King's Lomatia

National food: Garlic bread

National anthem: 'This is Home' by Cavetown

National animal(s): Squeak (My Shorkie) and Mycocepurus Smithii (An ant species)

List of allies: Here

List of proposed allies: Here

Current population (AKA followers): 354

Some things about the founder Crystals la Bubble Tea (AKA @crystalsandbubbletea)

-Pronouns are They/Xe/Ve/Zir

-ADHD and Autism

-Demisexual and Demiromantic (Also Trixic)

-Transmasc Nonbinary

-Under 19

-Aliases are "Crystals", "Crystal", "Bubble Tea", "Bubble", "Tea", "Rian", and "Mint"

-Made this blog for funsies

-Indigenous American, expect tons of posts about the conquering of Europe (Joke posts, of course-)

-I require tone tags when it comes to certain things (Criticism, jokes, etc)

This blog is not a safe place for the following:

Acephobia

Arophobia

Queerphobia in general

Antisemitism

Anti-Palestine

Sexism

TERFS + Radfems

Proshippers (The mod/Crystalsandbubbletea has trauma related to proshippers)

^ Please check my main @crystalsandbubbletea for more info + boundaries

Note: This blog is mostly meant for funsies + All things aroacespec, this is not meant to be a blog that covers serious topics, the blog where I cover serious topics is my main blog

Also, please shoot me a DM if I post/reblog something that's either wrong or offensive, I will make sure to take the post down

Pronouns page:

[anti-lies]

Attention: After Talking to Another Real System, I've Come to Believe That the Endo Community is Being Infiltrated and Controlled by CIA Operatives

I need everyone to be aware and be vigilant because the threat is real. The endogenic community was invented to divide us and keep us distracted.

Having combed over several big potential CIA operatives, I've narrowed the field down to four possibilities. Remember that any or all of these could be CIA operatives, but I'm certain at least one has to be.

Possible CIA plants

@guardianssystem: This system claims to be a pro-endo "traumagenic" system as a way to give themselves authority. They have activity across multiple websites including TikTok and X. They're notable for compiling this document of "sources" to prove endos exist. This document is everywhere. It has suspiciously become the main compilation of endo sources that they love to link to at every turn.

@cambriancrew: They're a tulpa "system" who runs r/tulpas. For anyone who doesn't know, "tulpamancy" is essentially a form of brainwashing. Tulpamancers say they can change a person's brain to give them headmates, and they've convinced multiple "doctors" to back them. All of this sounds like MK Ultra stuff. Cambrian Crew, besides being an outspoken endo, appears to be well connected, and used those connections to help organize an AMA on r/tulpas. In this AMA, their CIA-paid doctors claimed to have conducted brain scans on tulpamancers that showed changes in brain activity when their tulpas were possessing limbs.

@sysmedsaresexist: A nefarious saboteur, Sysmedsaresexist posed as a prominent anti-endo voice for YEARS, building up a massive anti endo following on this site. Between their SysmedsAreSexist and JustAnotherSyscourse blogs, they practically single-handedly ran the "#shit endos say" tag dedicated to mocking endos. But then all of a sudden, they turn? And like CambrianCrew, SysmedsAreSexist appears to have a close relationship to "doctors," posting a screenshot of an email from Colin Ross, an expert in DID, that appears to support the existence of endogenic systems. All of this looks like a years-long psyop to gain people's trust and convert them.

@sophieinwonderland: Finally, that brings us to Sophie, another tulpa "system." She also has her own page filled with endo "sources" though not as detailed or widely disseminated as Guardians'. The more I looked into this one, the more disturbed I became. Sophie is, as far as I can tell, the system who started "The Future is Plural," the mass movement which we all know seeks to traumatize children en masse and give them dissociative disorders. She also openly brags about teaching people methods to dissociate and hallucinate, says that she believes she can rewire people's brains, and cheerfully is arguing in favor of propaganda.

Please, whatever you do, do not engage with these people. Not only to avoid harassing them, but because if they are indeed CIA operatives, it may not be safe to do so directly. I may be putting myself at risk just by talking about this aloud, and I believe they're already trying to discredit me, but I feel someone has to talk about this.

Community input in finding the spies is incredibly important.

Knowing all of the facts, I'd like to know who you all think is most likely a CIA operative.

[sophieinwonderland]

Found a Hate Blog in The #Plural Tag. 😮‍💨

As I covered recently, "Plural" is an inclusive word with origins in endogenic and non-disordered systems.

If any anti-endo posts in the "#plural" tag or other inclusive tags, don't expect your DNIs to be respected.

They also are doing this knowingly. People have already tried to contact them about using the inclusive plural tag and the hate blog has stubbornly refused.

So if they're going to post in inclusive tags, I figured I might as well respond to some of their vent posts in anti-endo tags. As always, if anti-endos have a problem with this or feel boundaries are being unfairly crossed, please take it up with the hate blog I'm responding to that's invading our spaces.

Also, really weird how they just jump straight into saying "pro-endos" aren't systems either. Hate to break it to you, but there are a lot of traumagenic DID systems whose disorders and trauma are just valid as yours. And they manage to not be bigots too!

Wait... are they claiming that ALL dissociation can only be caused by trauma?

Although previous research has implicated a history of childhood trauma in the development of dissociative tendencies, insufficient cognizance (in this context) has been taken of the distinction between pathological and nonpathological dissociation. In this study, the relationship between childhood trauma and both pathological and nonpathological dissociation was investigated in a sample of 100 Australian adults. Pathological dissociation was positively predicted by dimensions of childhood trauma, but no such relationship was found for nonpathological dissociation (psychological absorption). The data are consistent with the traumagenic model of the dissociative disorders, but factors other than childhood trauma may also be pertinent.

Amazing how they compare us with anti-vaxxers while trying to claim all dissociation is traumagenic. This wasn't even hard to find. 🙄

"I don't care about any morals"

Well, at least you're up front about it.

Also, I tend to check the DID tags every now and then and you know what I don't see there? Endogenic systems!

"#Endo Safe" tags are more often than not used by pro-endo traumagenic systems.

Guess what! If you have DID, you get to post in the DID tags. Being a hateful bigot isn't a requirement! Anyone with DID has the right to post in the DID tags, and can tag their post as endo safe too!

Maybe you wouldn't get as many anons from endogenic systems if you stop posting in inclusive tags. Just a thought!

How are they harmful to the community again?

Weren't you just saying earlier that pro-endos were stealing resources? Now you're acknowledging that they're making resources for the community, but this is also bad?

LOL!

Genic labels literally only exist because of the pro-endo community. And the anti-endo community notoriously hates xeno-origins like NPD-genic. Yes, people will assume you're endo-safe when you use xeno-origins because these terms, like most resources in the plural community, were made by pro-endos.

Keep it up guys! It's working! We're spreading!

Sorry, I don't feel like rebutting anything here. I just appreciate seeing that our efforts are paying off!

The Future is Plural! 😁

Stop!

This talking point has been completely debunked.

System hopping was used by pro-endos 15 years before the earliest association with RAMCOA. The idea that it was a RAMCOA term is a total lie invented by anti-endos!

OSDD-1A and OSDD-1B are not actually official disorders. There is an OSDD. The first example, called OSDD-1 sometimes, gives two possible presentations. One with less distinct alters and amnesia, and another with no amnesia. But these aren't called OSDD-1a or OSDD-1b.

If your goal is education, this nuance is important.

Could it be because ASPEC people have dealt with a ton of exclusionism from some queer communities, and are more accepting of other people as a result? And perhaps they also recognize similarities between system exclusionists and queer exclusionists?

You're coming and posting in our tags!

That's why people keep interacting with you! "Plural" is a term coined by non-disordered systems, you've been told this, and you insist on posting in inclusive tags anyway!

You don't get to bust in someone's door, complain about them in their home, and then tell them not to interact with you! It doesn't work like that!

Funny how these are the only sources they can provide. And they exclusively deal with DID without even touching on other forms of plurality.

Anyway...

The ICD-11 says you can experience "multiple distinct personality states" without a dissociative disorder.

The creators of the theory of structural dissociation have said hypnosis and mediumship may involve self-conscious dissociative parts of the personality.

And Transgender Mental Health, written by Eric Yarbrough and published by the American Psychiatric Association (who publishes the DSM) says you can be plural without trauma or a disorder.

Sources repeatedly affirm that it's possible to be plural without trauma!

Anyone who claims it's impossible to be plural without trauma is either ignorant or lying.

And if you're going to keep spreading hate and misinformation, at least keep it out of inclusive tags!

[pixxiecup]

U ✩ SA ✩ HA ✩ NA

intro post (ó﹏ò｡)

this is a side blog , i follow and like from @xlittlestpet ^__^ requests: open !!! this is a link 2 my guidlines

my name is ALEX !! boy ,, he/clicks (,,>﹏<,,) big age is 15 !!!! am literally a dog , werewolf , and every other form of canine !!!!!! 🐾

possible perma regressor - i petre 2 a puppy mainly, mayb a kitty. atm, i dont have a cg ! im not a caregiver so please dont ask /nm

i am VERY open 2 making friends ! all interaction is encouraged :3 dms n asks r always open ! i luuuv talking :3

vry sensitive n clingy . delusional /srs !! neurodivergent / mentally ill

hyperfixations :: 3DS and things relating to them .

interests :: supernatural (show), gloomy bear, dragons, tokidoki , kandi/perlers, gravity falls, lps, pokemon, svtfoe, carebears, adventure time, sanrio, romance, zombies, the batman universe, ANYTHING lego, fashion, animal crossing (nl + nh), stardew valley, minecraft, zoo games, slime rancher, cattails ++ way more (bold is special interest)

more info abt me on my main blogs intro ^__^

BLOG DNI :: basic dni (racist, queerphobic, etc.), aam / teleiophile, proship / whatever else, ageplay / ddlg or any of its variants, if your blog is not kid safe, anti diapered little, sh/ed blogs, radqueers, anti-theist (against religion)

i block ppl freely . pls do not reblog my posts with a tw/cw for food !

i will occasionally go inactive ! i do have a lot of stuff going on irl .

#alex howls - me rambling , text posts

#alex rebarks - reblogs ! these posts are usually queued 2 prevent spam

#alex playdates - posts about my mutuals / friends

#alex creates - moodboards + stimboards (all stimboards are tagged with "gif" , cw/tws are formatted "cw _____")

#alex chew toys - posts about toys :D

#alex pack mates - me replying 2 asks .

(taken anons : 🍥🦝 , 🪷🦊 , crow)

the dni banner on most of my posts is by @/zack-agere

[pigswithwings]

anyways while we're on the subject - How Do You Spot A TERF or Radfem? I've blocked probably a hundred of them by now so I thought I would list some characteristics they tend to share

TERFs and Radfems often:

Tag their posts with variants of "radfem safe / terf safe", "terfs / radfems please interact", "terfblr / radblr", "gender critical", etc. Block these tags or any other you find relevant - it'll make it easier to spot and avoid these kinds of posts.

Openly list the fact that they're a TERF or radfem in their bios.

Refer to trans people or tag posts discussing trans people with phrases like "trans identified" or "TRAs / TIMs / TIFs" as well as "gender cult / gender ideology".

Refer to themselves as "manhating" or express some other form of hatred against a generalised idea of men such as "kill all men"

Refer to themselves as "adult human females"

Have the word "rad / radical" in their username <- Be careful with this one; it may just be that someone likes using the word as slang. If you're really not sure, check the person's blog for common TERF or radfem tags.

Have the word "terf" in their username (pretty straightforward)

Have the word "fem" in their username <- Also be careful when looking at blogs like these, some people just like femininity without bigotry. I've only listed this here because it seems to be a pattern with radfems.

It's best to block and report blogs like these as well as flagging them as anti-trans on Shinigami Eyes to let other people know. You may encounter more bigotry than originally expected, and it's unfortunately true that Tumblr hosts quite a few TERFs. With some caution on your side, though, it's possible to avoid people like this and have a better online experience.

[queenofthearchipelago]

I feel like the reason some people in the fandom chose to look at the final fifteen in this sort of "I'm team Aziraphale / anti-Crowley" or "I'm team Crowley / anti-Aziraphale" kind of way is because they forget that Crowley and Aziraphale are literally two sides of the same coin.

And everyone either relates more to one side or the other. For me, I relate to Crowley more. I understand him easier. When the final fifteen came, nothing he said confused me or caught me off guard. I gasped and screamed, sure. But I didn't need to analyze his words the way I needed to analyze Aziraphale's.

Does that mean I'm saying I don't relate to Aziraphale at all? No. Honestly, the more I think about Aziraphale, the more I see myself in him too. It's just that the bits of Aziraphale I relate to are either bits of myself that are harder to see, or bits of myself I don't like.

And so when I watch the final fifteen as a separate person, not part of the coin, I relate to one side more than the other (I relate to both sides equally but it's hard to accept that sometimes.) But I also have to be honest with myself.

If I weren't just the audience, would I be Aziraphale or Crowley?

Would I be Crowley, not letting myself back into a toxic relationship that hurt me? Would I want to run and yell at the sky so that they couldn't find me anymore? Would I want to just allow myself the life where I could have one good thing I've found in the entire universe?

Or would I be Aziraphale? Would I allow myself to be convinced (or manipulated) into going back to a place that hurt me? Or, depending on your theory, would I go back into the lion's den and try to change the system that oppresses me? Would I want to make the world a better place for the person I loved most, even if it was dangerous? Even if they began to hate me for it? (Not that I think Crowley hates him, but what does Aziraphale think that Crowley thinks of him?)

I know myself enough to know that I'm Crowley. I wanna run. I'm scared and I love you and we can be safe if we just keep going forward. Why are you asking me to go back there? To them? You know what they did! You're enough for me, everything to me, why are you chosing them over just allowing yourself to have me?

There's a bit of me that's Aziraphale. A bit of me that would go back, if I truly thought I could fix it. If I was the better manipulator.

But I think not everyone can do that, they see themselves in one OR the other. They take sides because they can't see both sides. And honestly maybe that's part of the point of Heaven and Hell in the show in the first place. They don't see the value of the other side. The merits, the thoughtfulness. The shades of grey of it all.

Maybe most people who are anti Aziraphale can't relate to that desperate tone Michael Sheen chose to use when he said that Heaven is the side of good. Can't relate to desperately needing to hope that this place you come from is still somehow good at the core. Because how could you come from corruption?

And maybe most people who are completely obliterating Crowley's character in the tags don't relate to the bursting need to just be free of the things that hold you back from every good thing you've ever wanted for yourself.

I see myself in both. I've been there. I'd be Crowley out of the two of them. But I see Aziraphale now. The more I think of him the more I understand him.

As much as I ask questions (so many questions) that get me in trouble, I also refuse to ask them out loud for the same reason.

I have people in my life who think I have this incredible capacity to think everything through. Every possible avenue of consideration. And I also have people in my life who get frustrated with me for not thinking hard enough or fast enough.

I have made some difficult decisions on what was good and what was right and made my choice that I would do what I thought was right over what I was raised to think was good. And I also made some of those decisions in complete agonizing secret.

The true ending for good omens 2 is realizing for yourself, however you get there, that you (yes, YOU) are both of them.

As David and Michael said in the interviews, Aziraphale and Crowley are fascinated and completely infuriated by the other. Because they're so different. Because they're so similar. And if you don't feel the same way yet, relating to one, and being amazed at how you relate to the other. Being fascinated and infuriated by it, then you just haven't reached the end yet.

When I rewatch the very ending of the season these days, I don't see a demon, completely in love with an angel who is leaving him. I see myself watching myself do something I would never do. Except I would do it. I wouldn't, I'd never. And yet I would. And I watch myself get in the car and drive away from the version of me that did.

[inell]

About Me

I'm Inell (she/her/hers). Forties. Ace. I write fanfic, and I've been actively writing in fandoms since 1999. I’m a fandom old for sure! Current fandom: 911 (Buck/Eddie) and Teen Wolf (Stiles).

I am basically a Buddie mono shipper. I have written Buck/Connor, Buck/Tommy, and BuddieTommy since joining the fandom, but my heart belongs to Buddie.

I don’t care what other people ship; I filter things I don’t want to see. I’m very anti-drama in my fandom space. I try not to reblog hate against characters or ships that I don’t enjoy because I have friends who do enjoy them. My general motto is that fandom is for fun, and I’m going to spend my minimal free time focusing on things I enjoy, not hating on characters/ships that I don’t like.

Currently accepting 911 prompts from this list.

Also accepting Buck/Eddie prompts from this list.

Inell watches 911 live blogging

I started writing in BTVS with Willow as my OTC. Then I moved into Harry Potter, where Hermione was my OTC. I dipped my foot into the Star Trek XI fandom, where Kirk/McCoy was my OTP, and Avengers fandom, where I wrote a long Steve/Clint series.

I am currently swimming around in Teen Wolf, where Stiles is my OTC. I have a long crossover series that’s Stiles/Bucky Barnes that I’m updating sporadically. I’ve also done a deep dive into 9-1-1 fandom, where I enjoy writing Buck/Eddie and FireFam.

My Ask is always open if you want to chat. I’ve been around fandoms since the days of posting boards and egroups, into the live journal era, and beyond. My general philosophy is ship and let ship, and not my kink but enjoy yourself. I don’t like drama and hate in my fandom experience. I do block tags, and I try to curate my experience. I have never had a ship I love writing in fandom actually go canon, so I tend to live in the fanon & love it. Now, if my current ship did go canon, I certainly wouldn’t complain! But I won’t stop shipping it regardless.

I like writing happy endings and romance, and I ride the wave of the muse in terms of spamming fic when she's talkative and possibly going days with nothing if she stops talking. I’m always happy to be tagged for fic I might like & I like chatting about fic and fandom.

Prompting Me

My Ask is always open! You can prompt me or send me questions/comments on fic/whatever. I can't promise to write every prompt that I receive. I prefer general prompts, like a ship & a dialogue prompt etc. You can find prompts that I’ve reblogged in my tags. If you have a rating restriction or an AO3 account, put those in the Ask. One prompt per ask.

I generally don't write M-preg, age regression, adult/baby play, scat, emesis play, necrophilia, rape/non-con, extreme underage, non-consensual adultery/cheating, hardcore BDSM, pain play, humiliation, character death, watersports, sounding, tragedy, dark fic, unhappy endings etc.

If you happen to send me a kink/prompt not on the above list that I realize I can’t write, I’ll let you know unless it's anon. I tend to like happy endings, romance, fun tropes, smutty times, and plot that is more centered on friendships or relationships than Big Bads etc. I have a fondness for either the getting together, the first times in relationships, or slices of life in established relationships. Really, if you’re familiar with my writing, you probably know what’s safe to prompt and what probably isn’t!

My Fic

My Fic on AO3 - Best place for all Teen Wolf & 9-1-1 fic as I’ve post everything there from 2015 forward.

My Fic Archive - This is best for finding anything written from 1999-2015.

[sainttheodora]

Arguments and symbolism in TBOSAS, or, why it couldn’t have ended any other way.

tldr: I think the biggest lesson from TBOSAS is that it’s less important to know what human nature really is (even if such a thing were possible) than it is to know what someone gains or loses from trying to convince you that humans inherently act one way or another.

Tswr:

It’s pretty clear that Coriolanus is, and it’s critical we say this as an individual, self important. This is a personality trait of his. He might have had it whether he was born during a war or peaceful democracy. But it’s also safe to say his personal experiences push him towards the belief that humans are inherently savage— which is the Hobbesian view and which has been historically used to justify totalitarian government since even a horrible government is better than a state of nature.

Sejanus is the foil. He represents Locke’s view on human nature which is that we aren’t all that bad, and that sometimes, disorganization and chaos is less bad than a totalitarian regime. I wasn’t surprised to see the m/m tags roll out between him and Coriolanus since there’s some obvious tension between their positions but they both share a common argument: BOTH claim to know what human nature “really” is.

So where does that leave Lucy? Or Rousseau? Or even the bigger takeaway?

In David Graebher’s last book, The Dawn of Everything, he is very careful to describe Rousseau’s social contract and, the dawn of human behavior. Where did the idea that humans were originally egalitarian come from? When did people decide to draw property lines and give themselves more than their neighbors? He uses anthropological evidence to cut through the centuries of argument between Locke and Hobbes to say that, maybe we don’t know, maybe it’s a bit of both.

Lucy Gray is NOT Sejanus, and from the very beginning she is shown to exist completely outside of their argument and even government as indigenous and part of a traveling band. That’s why she makes it a point to say she isn’t district, that’s why she moves in and out of Panem freely, it’s why we never get her POV, and why Coriolanus is constantly second guessing where he stands with her, or some of the deeper meanings of her music. *He doesn’t know her nature.*

And what does Dr. Gaul say? The type of government people need is derived from people’s nature. Coriolanus cannot control or overcome Lucy. Nothing she has “was ever worth keeping”. As an individual character, she is driven to self preservation which is the only leverage he ever has over her inside the games but quickly dissipates when she wins. We also know from later books where Katniss and Peeta are willing to commit suicide that even self preservation isn’t a consistent pillar of human nature either.

So what makes their romance so delicious? They’re drawn to each other because they quickly notice they’re both natural performers and they both need each other’s cooperation to succeed. And it’s no surprise that in a book all about human “nature” and who we authentically are theres also so much discussion about performance and anti-authenticity and why Coriolanus keeps bringing up the way Lucy Gray checks the mirror, dresses like a clown, performs, and stays in a literal monkey zoo. I think that’s why the zoo is so special for them is because it’s literally a place where nature meets performance. When animals are in a zoo, it’s manufactured nature and we know they will behave differently outside the bars. Similarly, when the humans are placed in the zoo, it’s manufactured performance with the assumption that they will soon act “naturally” (ie, self interested and evil) once placed in the hunger games.

I think this is where the cautionary tale for the reader becomes important and where Coriolanus let’s his need for power override his common sense: the hunger games are completely unnatural. They’re a continuation of the circus; the games are NOT humanity stripped bare because such a thing CANNOT exist. His problem initially is that he thinks “bare” human condition is what happens when humans are responding to injustice/crisis/war/poverty but I think he quickly realizes even this is bullshit since he adds a bunch of components to the games to make it more cinematic. He might at some point have thought everyone has an outer performance they cloak their internal “savage” nature with just like he does, just like the compact filled with poison, because he thinks people will do anything to get ahead, but I think that by the end he doesn’t even care about this. Its just another framework that services his ultimate quest for power at all costs.

So snow analyzes Lucy through the same lens he holds for himself but also realizes this doesn’t apply. He thinks she’s a singer and show woman with some interior nature he just cannot know. She’s a black box. She sings but even many of the songs just further the mystery of Lucy Gray who got lost in the snow. She tells him he knows the “ideal her, the real her” but maybe the real her is just whatever she is, or maybe she knew that this is the one thing he ever wanted from her and so she manipulates him with it— or maybe not. It doesn’t really matter to her.

So. If Snow always lands on top, but Lucy Gray exists in a framework where there is no top or bottom, he cannot ever control her. If a government must know its citizens’ nature to lead them, but Lucy Gray’s has no clear “nature” then he cannot control her either. So, he fabricated a story in his head about what she’s really like (Lucy Gray is no lamb). This story is NOT criticizing the idea that people have inherently evil nature— it is criticizing the compartmentalization of authentic and performative self. In other words, it’s a DECONSTRUCTION of the binary opposition elaborated by not only the compact, but the games themselves. This is super clear by the 74th games because by then, the games are clearly set up to have a performative phase with outfits and interviews, followed by the game itself where the competitors are at their most “base” selves. The carefully curated contrast between civility and chaos, or performance and authenticity, is what is supposed to scare people into thinking that the circus, or “authority” of gov’t is what keeps these elements in balance. Deconstructing this binary means admitting that we were always performing, and we were always being authentic, at the same time, continuously and always.

In the text, Snow is uneasy after the games end when he’s sent to 12 for several reasons but I think, whether he knows it or not, he’s most surprised that lucy acts the same as when he met her. She’s not much different from in the arena, and his frustrations when listening to her music or dealing with the reality of her simple country life read to me like he’s thinking: “why is she still doing this? There are no cameras here? Why is she still playing it up like this?”. He literally cannot wrap his mind around the fact that there are people whose very lives “are” performance and that they don’t separate themselves out like he does. He must also have realized that when they first developed their romance at the zoo that he characterized her incorrectly in thinking she was “on” and performing like him, and then he may never know if she meant anything by kissing him at all.

If snow had to acknowledge this was possible, that people do not have an internal and external self, then he would also have to acknowledge that people cannot be hiding raging self interest at all times which is policed by a government— then the world would have no need for him.

(The victor, like in any good story, is really Derrida)

So here’s the part that sucks. HOW do you even write fanfic without violating their personalities and making them entirely different characters? How does someone who enjoyed these characters get more than 2 hrs and 48 minutes or the og novel out of them when every decision is so clearly character driven? Either of them would have made the same choices in any universe together! And I think that’s what so maddening about this story for me and why I have reread the book so many times. Just like Snow says at the very end, not only is his rise to power inevitable, so is this story.