#and by bitches i mean myself because i would not sleep anymore

[zoppzoop]

GAAHAHHHHH

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Postpartum

Amelia Shepherd x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI (NSFW), sex, oral sex, hella eating out, fingering, etc., mentions of anatomy/body parts, some explicit language, post-pregnancy times (please let me know if I've left anything out!) Word Count: 2.0k

Summary: You're six weeks postpartum, and your doctor has cleared you for sex, but you're worried that it might not be the same anymore. Amelia assuages all of your worries. 😉

Request Info: This was requested by an anonymous user, but the request itself accidentally got deleted! The user also requested that the reader be an ortho surgeon and a third twisted sister. Whoever you are, I hope you find this, and I'm so sorry to have lost your original request!

“You’re good to go,” your OBGYN declared, finishing up your 6-weeks postpartum checkup.

You raised your eyebrows at her. “As in, good to go?”

She laughed. “Good to go, as in cleared to resume any and all sexual activity as you feel ready for it.”

You nodded and repeated it to yourself. “Good to go…”

But as you left Grey-Sloan, making a quick stop at the ortho unit to say hello to the nurses and the other attendings, you couldn’t help but wonder if you really were good to go. Sure, you missed sex with Amelia. You missed her body, missed connecting with her in that way, but you were also so self-conscious. You hadn’t had any major tears or anything, but you had shoved a human head out of your vagina less than two months ago. It was bound to be different down there. It felt different. What if sex didn’t feel good anymore? What if it never did? Or, even worse, what if it looked or felt different for Amelia, and she didn’t like sleeping with you anymore?

You decided to text Meredith and Cristina about it, as you so often did about any and everything.

Y/N: You guys I’ve been cleared for sex

M: Yay!

C: Good for you bitch

Y/N: I’m kinda scared tho…

M: Aw, why?

Y/N: Does it hurt after? Or like idk was Derek weirded out?

C: It feels like I could have been left out of this conversation

M: Shut up Cristina we’re being supportive! And no Y/N it didn’t hurt. You just have to take it slow and do what feels good at the time. And stop if it doesn’t feel good.

C: You don’t have a dick to deal with so you should be okay

M: CRISTINA

Y/N: I mean tbh we have several

M: Ew she’s my sister I didn’t need to know that…

C: I need to know more…

You shook your head and smiled. You decided that you might as well try, if Amelia was up for it. And there was no question that Amelia was up for it. She’d powered through like a champ, but before this, the longest you’d gone without having sex was two weeks and that was only because you’d been brought in as a specialist on a case at another hospital.

When you walked into the apartment, everything was quiet–a rarity at your house these days. You crept through the rooms, looking for Amelia and Pippa, and finally found them in the nursery. Amelia held Pippa to her chest, bouncing her softly as she slept, little chubby cheeks pressing out like she was blowing bubbles.

You placed a hand on Amelia’s back and kissed her on the cheek. You nodded toward Pippa, eyebrows scrunched.

“I just can’t bring myself to put her down,” Amelia whispered. “How was your appointment?”

“Good.”

Amelia stared pointedly at you. “Good good?”

You nodded, smirking.

If Pippa had not been tiny and fragile, Amelia would have tossed her into the crib like a football.

She placed the baby gently on her back in the crib, then crashed into you with the force of a tidal wave–or six weeks of no sex.

She pushed you into the hallway wall, shutting Pippa’s door behind her, and pressed into you, her mouth and hands desperate. She ran her tongue up and down your neck and back to your mouth and yanked your shirt over your head. God, you’d missed this. You’d missed her. Even though she’d been right here next to you the whole time. She groaned as she pushed herself into you, and you smiled into her kiss.

At this rate, Amelia would be finished before you even had a chance to make it to the bed.

“No, no!” she whined as you pulled away, her blue eyes pleading desperately with you.

“Come to bed, Amy,” you teased, taking her by the hand and leading her to the bedroom.

You gently removed her clothes and pushed her onto the bed. “You first,” you said.

She grabbed at your face hungrily as you leaned over her, kissing you with all the fervor of someone who’s love has been lost at sea for several years. She gasped and arched her back as your hand grazed over her clit.

You couldn’t help but smile at how needy she was, her hips bucking into your hand as you held it still, cupping her heat.

“Y/N, don’t fucking tease me,” she scolded, her voice stuttering. “It’s been way too long for that.”

“Oh, you don’t like that?” you said, smug. It was not often that Amelia was this powerless in bed. Usually it was the other way around, so you were enjoying this moment.

She grabbed your face, rough, and then soft as she ran her hand through your hair. “Just finish me already so I can get inside you.” She pulled your face closer, her breath hot in your ear as she whispered. “I’ve missed the taste of you.”

You’d never switched gears faster. No more power trips, just getting Amelia off as quickly as possible.

You kissed and licked your way down her body, intoxicated by the way she pushed into you and pulled you closer. By the time you reached her center, she was panting and glistening and you knew it'd only be a matter of minutes before she was absolute putty.

You pressed soft kisses into her inner thighs, then closer and closer until she was nearly bursting with the want of you, so that when you finally, finally, wrapped your mouth around her clit, she nearly lost her mind. You held her hips in place as she moaned, licking your way through her, around her, inside of her until she was shaking in your arms, hips rolling to meet your tongue. And for the final touch, you slipped two of your fingers inside of her, curling down and around, just how you knew she liked it. Her hands were gripping your hair so hard you thought might pull it out. “Y/N!” she gasped, her breath coming out in short, sharp moans as she came on your fingers. You smiled as you buried your face in her, guiding her through her high and back down again.

“Holy shit,” she breathed, her chest still heaving.

“Good?” you asked, already knowing the answer, as you wiped your mouth.

She nodded, still struggling to catch her breath. “Give me a second.”

You lay down next to her, feeling wildly pleased with yourself, especially when Amelia rolled over on top of you and pressed her mouth into yours, moaning as she tasted herself on your lips.

But as she worked her way down your body, anxiety shot through you.

You grabbed her hand. “Amy, wait…”

She looked up at you, concerned.

“You don’t have to,” you said, avoiding her eyes.

“I know I don’t,” she replied, still looking at you curiously. “I want to. I’ve wanted to for months.”

“I think…” you stuttered. “I think I’d really rather you didn’t.”

Amelia’s eyebrows furrowed. “Hey,” she said, laying down next to you and propping herself up on her elbow so she could see your face. “What’s going on?”

“I’m just not ready.”

“That’s fine, but you seemed super ready about two minutes ago.”

You didn’t respond, fiddling with an edge of your comforter.

“Y/N,” she said, brushing your hair behind your ear. “Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head please.”

She took your hand and you played with her fingers for a moment before answering.

“I’m scared you won't like it.”

Amelia looked genuinely shocked. “You’re what now?”

“I got messed up down there,” you mumbled. “What if it’s not like normal for you?”

“Oh, babe,” she said, caressing your face. “You’re not messed up. You could never be messed up. You’re you and I love you. I love all of you.”

You stayed quiet.

“Honey,” she continued, more emphatic now. “Your body made a whole human. A human that is sleeping in the bedroom down the hallway. A beautiful, precious human that I love with all my heart and hope with all my heart stays asleep for a while so that I can get in there. She had her time. It's my fucking turn."

You couldn’t help but giggle a bit.

“Listen,” she ranted, excited that your mood was brightening and trying to make you laugh more. “I’m like the Lewis and Clark of vaginas, okay? The wilderness must be explored. I gotta get in there and get the lay of the land. And it might be new, right?”

You nodded, grinning and blushing.

“But new doesn’t mean bad. Lots of times new means better. So just… let me do my exploring, okay?”

“Okay,” you acquiesced.

Amelia was gentler with this attempt, slow and steady and worshipful as she moved down your body, taking her time especially at the place where your uterus still bulged, where new stretch marks had drawn their way across your abdomen. And when she got to your center, she was gentle there, too, mindful of your anxiety, mindful that it might take your body more time than usual to warm up.

She was loving and slow and obsessive, sighing with pleasure as she placed kisses along the inside of your thighs, on your clit, all over you. Amelia’s careful touch had washed away most of your anxiety, leaving behind your flushed face, the shuddering of your body each time her skin met yours.

And when finally, finally, she had you wet and whimpering, she dove in like a woman starved.

“Amy,” you breathed, lightly holding her head in your hands as you threw your own head back, your hips rising to meet her. You could feel her smile against you.

“You want more?” she asked, and you knew she meant, Do you want fingers or a strap or a toy or anything like that?

You shook your head. “No, just–” Your breath caught in your throat, replaced by a moan as the knot in your lower abdomen tightened.  “Just keep going.”

If there was one thing about Amelia, it was that she could eat you out forever. You’d been afraid that would change, but clearly your fears had been unfounded. She was insatiable.

“Amy–” you exclaimed, arching your back as your body approached the edge. You couldn’t even get the words out, just “Amy” over and over.

She reached up to grasp one of your hands in hers as you fell apart around her, Amelia lapping up every last bit of you.

You breathed heavily, watching as Amelia emerged from between your thighs, grinning like an idiot, her face an absolute mess.

You laughed as she wiped her face. “I take it your expedition went well?”

“God!” she exclaimed, flopping down beside you. “I missed you.”

“We literally have not been apart for weeks.”

“Okay, well, then I missed your vagina.”

You giggled, rolling over a bit to kiss her on the cheek. “You’re a dork.”

“Yeah, but I’m your dork,” Amelia retorted, pulling you in for another heated kiss.

You were interrupted then by a loud, crinkly wail through the baby monitor.

Amelia groaned, but you could see a smile creeping in. She stood and stretched. “I’ll go get her.”

“Amelia!” you hissed, throwing a pillow at her. “You can't bring her in here! We’re naked, and it smells like sex!”

“She’s six weeks old! She won’t remember!” Amelia nodded at you. “Go take a shower. Relax. Then we can switch. It's almost time to feed her anyway.”

You lay in bed a moment longer, waiting to hear Amelia on the baby monitor.

“Hello!” she cooed, her voice crackling through the speaker as Pippa continued to cry. “Hi, pretty girl! Oh, I know. I know. You want Mama? Let’s go see her. Oh, you love your mama, don’t you? Mommy does, too.”

You smiled, your heart full as you listened.

“We loooooove Mama, don’t we? Yes, we do. We love her so much.”

[halsteadlover]

Under Fire

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Paramedic!Reader.

• Requested by anon: Hey! Could you write an imagine where the reader is a paramedic and one day a person starts shooting at the ambo and Jay is called? Then he would be worried when he sees the reader there.

• Warnings: mention of sex, blood, gunshot, bad writing (yes it’s gonna be a warning from now on).

• Word count: 4289.

• A/N: this is by far one of the ugliest fics ever and honestly I’m even ashamed I posted it. It didn’t turn the way I wanted but I was too lazy and had no time to write it all again so here it is 💀 Sorry for the ppl who expected a good worried!Jay fic 😭 I’m sorry for any mistake too and of course I know all the ‘medical’ staff was probably inaccurate so pls bear with me lol

“Baby, breakfast is ready!”.

Jay's voice muffled to your ears from the kitchen as you hurriedly got ready for work, super late. You tied your hair into a ponytail, not wanting to waste any more time trying to fix it before running to the kitchen where Jay had just set breakfast on the table.

“I'm late honey I can't eat,” you said frantically, leaning closer to him and kissing him on the lips before stealing a waffle which you popped into your mouth and began to eat as you looked for your car keys.

“Babe you can't go to work without having breakfast,” Jay retorted as he drank his cup of coffee and watched you amused.

“Yeah? And whose fault is it that I’m late?” you asked ironically “Have you seen my keys baby? Damn it… I can't find them anywhere.”

Jay chuckled and there was no need to say he found them as soon as he started to search for them. He was about to hand them to you but suddenly put his hands behind his back. “I want a kiss first.”

You giggled like a little girl and placed your free hand on his face, kissing him passionately, as if it was the first time you'd seen him in ages. No matter how much time passed, Jay managed to have on you the same effect as the first day, and for a moment, lost in your senses, you almost forgot you had to run away to work.

“Mmmh,” he murmured into the kiss, intensifying it as his arm went around your waist, pressing your body further against his.

“Stop…” you muttered between kisses as you giggled “No,” one kiss “That’s not…” another kiss “Fair…” and yet another one. “You’ve already made me late this morning.”

“Baby it's not my fault you're so stunning. You know I can't keep my hands to myself,” he kept kissing you, taking the opportunity to shamelessly squeeze your ass. “You were naked in our bed, you really expected me not to fuck the shit out of you?”.

“Stop, you're making me hot again,” you placed your hands on his chest to push him away, receiving a frown from him. In a moment of distraction you grabbed the keys from his hand and took your bag, before giving him one last sweet kiss and go to the door “See you tonight baby, I love you. Be careful okay?”.

“I love you too princess, text me when you can and be careful too. Don't you even dare come back with even a scratch!”.

But unfortunately, things don’t always go the way we want them to.

Your morning was going well, you were on shift with Sylvie who wasted no time teasing you, between calls, about being late that morning.

“If you're jealous because I'm having hot sex and you're not, just say it blondie,” you retorted laughing, getting from your co-worker a little slap on the back of your head as she kept her eyes on the road while driving the ambo.

“You’re really a bitch you know that? Of course I'm jealous! Do you know how long it's been since I've been with someone? I don't even know what a penis looks like anymore.”

You giggled. “If after every shift you literally fly home to go to sleep, don't complain if you can't find anyone. You need to go out Sylvie, Molly's is always crowded, you'll find someone who can't wait to rail you.”

She burst out laughing. “Rail me? Where did this come from?”.

“I mean… You know… I didn't know the meaning of these words before I met my boyfriend…” you answered and Sylvie let out a fake gag while you dreamily recalled your intense sexual life with Jay.

“You are disgusting,” the blonde replied even though she laughed. Before she could add anything though, there was a call of a shooting with victim and the joyful and playful air disappeared almost instantly.

You were about to text Jay, updating him on the progress of your shift but you mentally cursed as you noticed your cell phone was dead and that’s when you remembered you didn't charge it last night.

You put it back in your pocket, mental noting you’d charge it as soon as you got back to the station.

When you and Sylvie arrived with sirens blaring at the scene where the shooting had taken place, you couldn't help but notice the amount of people there looking on curiously and trying to figure out what was going on. That neighborhood was not the most idyllic and safe, given the unfortunate presence of criminals and drug addicts, and you mentally prayed you could finish as soon as possible since you didn't feel at all calm in that place.

A man in his fifties came running towards you, cell phone in hand and a terrified expression on his face.

“What happened sir? Where’s the victim?” Sylvie asked as you fetched the first aid kit bags.

“This way. There's been a shooting… There's a young man… I don't know if he's still alive.”

The man pointed to a person lying on the ground, immersed in his own blood and at a rough guess he didn't seem to be more than 16 years old. He was just a little boy.

“We'll take care of it from now sir. Thank you for calling us. Now go back in your house and stay safe,” you said and he nodded before storming off and locking himself inside his house along with his family.

You put on your gloves and leaned over the victim. You checked his carotid pulse and breathing. “He’s breathing and there is still a pulse. But it's too weak.”

Sylvie lifted the victim's shirt, revealing the shotgun at stomach level, and spun him on his side for a moment. “There is an exit wound.”

“I'm putting an IV,” you stated before taking the necessary kit while Sylvie controlled the bleeding by dabbing the wound with clean gauze which was soaked in blood in no time. After placing the tourniquet, it was difficult to find an accessible vein due to the copious blood loss but eventually you succeeded.

As you continued to do everything in your power to keep the still unconscious patient alive, you didn't realize all passers-by had left and that a suspicious car was approaching until the sound of a shot broke the silence.

Your heart stopped for an instant.

It all happened so fast and in just few seconds that you didn't even realize what was happening.

It was all so fast but so slow at the same time.

Everything seemed to stop around you, the world started spinning fast and slow at the same time which you didn't even believe was possible. The seconds seemed to have turned into minutes, hours, and in you kept wondering when it would end.

You and Sylvie threw yourselves to cover the victim, but not before a bullet went through your arm causing you to scream in pain. “Fuck!” you exclaimed as an excruciating pain made you bend to the ground for an instant.

“Y/N! Oh my god!” exclaimed Sylvie, rushing towards you regardless of the danger. Your hand covered your wound from where blood gushed and you tried to take a few breaths to try to regain control of yourself. You hadn't been shot at before by now, but damn it hurt like hell.

“I'm fine,” you murmured and when you opened your eyes you saw a woman lying on the ground not far from you. “Shit… Sylvie, go to that woman…”

Sylvie glanced between you and the poor woman lying on the asphalt, not sure what to do. “I am fine. Go! I'll take care of it here!”.

She nodded and grabbed a first aid bag before running to the woman, leaving you with the still unconscious victim. You checked him to make sure he wasn't hit and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw he wasn't.

You called for help on your radio before getting up with no small effort, dragging the victim behind a car, thus keeping you sheltered.

Your heart was pounding and you didn't know what to do, the fear they'd come back to kill you paralyzed you. You leaned against the car, bringing your eyes to the wound on your arm and noticing you were losing more blood than you would’ve expected.

“Shit,” you winched in pain even if the adrenaline rushed through your veins. You decided not to think about it and just treat the patient until help arrived, after all you weren't going to die from a shot in an arm.

You got up from the car and approached the patient, noticing the movement of his chest was no longer regular and that he was struggling to breathe. You took your stethoscope and listened to his chest, hearing crackles and a muffled sound in the right lung.

“Damn it,” you whispered to yourself, taking deep breaths as the pain became more intense and trying to focus solely on the victim and not on the excruciating pain you were feeling. The victim had a pneumothorax and you knew if you didn't treat it right away, you ran the risk of losing him before help even arrived.

You took all the kit needed to aspirate the air from his lung but your hand was shaking too much to be able to proceed. “Come on. You can do it,” you kept telling yourself and breathing deeply. With no little effort you managed to make a small incision and insert the small catheter to allow the air to escape. You listened to his lungs again after a bit with the stethoscope and breathed a sigh of relief when you realized the pulmonary sound was good and he was breathing properly. You fixed the catheter to his chest with a plaster and continued to treat the wound on the abdomen.

He was losing too much blood and if he hadn't gone to the hospital immediately he would’ve died there in front of you.

Your forehead was drenched in sweat, your arms and body were giving up as you noticed in the distance Sylvie giving a CPR to the woman who had presumably also been shot.

You heard the sound of sirens of the police and of another ambulance in the distance and for the first time in the last half hour your heart started properly beating again.

Jay, meanwhile, didn't have a clue what was going on, that you'd been shot, rushed to the hospital, or he’d completely lose his mind.

His day, unlike yours, was going on normally and no new cases had turned up so he spent the morning sorting through paperwork and old reports that were still incomplete.

He checked his cell phone to see if you'd answered him but still nothing. The last time he knew about you was when he saw you walk out the door of the apartment you shared and he couldn't stop the veil of anxiety that had passed through him. He knew he was exaggerating, as you were most likely having a busy morning and for this reason you hadn’t reached out to him.

He tried to keep his mind at bay, to stay calm and tell himself everything would be fine, that you were okay and he’d hear from you soon.

But when he saw Sylvie's name on the screen as his cell phone rang, he knew immediately that something wasn’t right and the slight feeling of anxiety was replaced by a real vice in his stomach.

“Sylvie? What happened? Is my girlfriend okay?” he asked as soon as he answered the call, without even giving her time to say anything. He knew something was up and didn’t want to waist time.

“Jay…” she breathed out, her voice clearly shaking but Jay couldn't care less.

“Sylvie tell me immediately what the hell happened. Where’s Y/N? Is she okay?” he ordered in a harsh and hostile tone, more than he ever wanted to.

“We are at Med's and…”

That was all it took for him to go crazy and not understand anything anymore.

Before she could finish her sentence he had already hung up the phone and, without even notifying his boss, he exited the unit at lightning speed, under the gaze of his worried and astonished teammates.

His mind kept repeating the last words spoken by Sylvie and never as in that moment did he feel like the world completely collapsed on him. He hadn't even asked what happened, whether you were okay or not, and as he drove like a madman through the streets of Chicago, he kept praying, praying and praying.

“God please let her be okay,” he kept muttering to himself, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he felt like it was going to stop at any moment. He tried to call you several times but each time it directed him to your voicemail. “Fuck!” he had exclaimed hitting the steering wheel in frustration and after throwing the cell phone on the passenger seat, without caring whether it broke or not.

You had to be okay, it couldn't have been otherwise. You had to be okay because you had to spend the rest of your life with him, he had to marry you, start a family with you, raise your children, maybe have pets, and to do that you had to feel good.

Jay knew that your job, as well as his, could be dangerous, but that didn't make the anxiety any less oppressive, the fear of losing you any less crippling.

It might seem like an exaggeration but he couldn't live without you, he couldn't imagine a life in which you weren't there, he couldn't imagine coming home and not finding you there preparing dinner with so much care and love, he couldn't imagine coming home and not finding you walking barefoot, the music blasting while you danced and sang as you cleaned the house, he couldn't imagine waking up in the morning and not feeling your body against his, the scent of your hair entering his nostrils, your arms holding him preventing him from getting up to go to work when you weren't on shift.

“No, no, no, no, no,” he babbled not wanting to even think about this possibility as he darted through the streets without even bothering to stop at red lights and risking causing accidents at least a couple of times.

When he got to the hospital he immediately ran towards the nurses' station, failing even to realize that Maggie was already talking to a patient.

“Maggie where is Y/N? Is she fine?” he asked frantically getting a glare from the gentleman who was previously talking to Maggie. She shot an apologetic look at the man and nodded to the room you were in before giving her attention back to the patient.

Jay ran towards the room and without even thinking twice pulled the curtain away, an expression of pure fear and concern on his face. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw you were lying on the crib, alive.

“Jay!” you exclaimed, not expecting to find your boyfriend in front of you in the hospital, lifting yourself up as if to reach him.

“Y/N stay still,” Connor admonished you, who was tending your wound.

“Oh thank God,” Jay finally managed to calm down and finally breathe again. He walked over to you and gently grabbed your face with his still trembling hands, leaving a kiss on your forehead. It lasted longer than it should’ve but Jay didn't care, he just wanted to savor the moment, smell the scent of your hair, your skin, and realize you were really there in front of him, that you hadn't left him.

“Halstead, you shouldn't be here,” Connor commented without looking up from the bullet hole in your arm.

“Shut up Rhodes, just focus about treating her,” Jay retorted and the serious tone in which he said it caused both you and Connor to chuckle but as soon as you looked at him you stopped immediately, noticing the expression of pain and concern with which he was looking at you.

“What happened baby? My God…” he stroked your face, your hair, “Why didn't you call me? What did they do to you?”. His eyes moved from your features to your arm and he immediately knew it was a bullet hole. He had assumed that you’d been pushed, maybe fallen somewhere, but he hadn't thought it was a shot at all.

Anxiety and worry were quickly replaced by anger and rage and in that precise moment he promised himself he’d make the bastard who had done this to you, who had dared to hurt you, pay.

“I told Sylvie not to call you…” you started talking, not answering Jay's questions but he cut you off, “Y/N please… I'm mad enough you didn't call me and I had to hear from your colleague you ended up in the hospital, don’t even think about making jokes right now.”

“Sorry Jay, it's just… You were at work and I didn't want to worry you. I'm fine as you can see and Connor will fix me.”

“You're not fine,” Connor intervened, glancing at you before continuing to treat the wound “If you hadn't continued to treat the victim your arm wouldn't be in so bad shape, the bullet had gone too deep. But luckily I'm very good at my job.”

If looks could kill, you should’ve been petrified after Jay's glare.

“Connor, you really don't know when to shut your mouth, do you?”.

“Y/N,” Jay spoke up “I'm not playing and I'm about to lose my mind. Tell me what the hell happened.”

You sighed, looking down at your belly as you recalled those moments of terror that seemed to have happened not long ago but at the same time, so long ago.

Jay noticed the way your free hand was shaking slightly and he felt guilty for raising his voice after the traumatic event you had suffered earlier that morning. “Sorry baby,” he said, caressing your cheeks and then giving you another soft kiss on your forehead. He held you as best he could, your head level with his stomach as he continued to stroke your hair, your cheeks, trying to calm you down. It was his way of saying he was there, that you were safe and never like then did you mentally thank Sylvie for calling him.

“It’s okay, I’m here now. Everything will be okay baby.”

God only knew how terrified you were, how afraid you were of dying, never seeing the love of your life again, never hugging him again and feeling him holding you, cradling and caressing you… Shit, this was one of the best feelings you ever had the pleasure of trying in your life.

You kept thinking over and over of those scary moments, the sound of those gunshots you knew would echo in your mind for far too long. No manual, no course would’ve ever prepared you for all this, you knew that being a paramedic would’ve taken you to places where danger was around the corner, but the adrenaline, the fear, that terror… No one would’ve ever been able to preparing for this.

You didn't even realize Connor had finished bandaging your wound until you saw with the corner of your eye he was getting up and collecting all the dirty gauze and other tools he had used. “I can't stress enough about the fact you don't have to exert yourself. You have to rest for at least a week, after that you can do some office work, but no work on the field until you’ll be able to move your arm.”

“Trust me she won’t. Thanks Rhodes,” Jay replied and Connor gave him a smile, then patted him on the shoulder with an ungloved hand.

“I'll leave you two alone.”

You tried to move you arm a bit but it was still numb from the local anesthetic. Jay sat on the edge of the bed, taking your free hand and intertwining his fingers with yours as his thumb stroked your back.

“You made me worry to death you know? I think I've died and risen a thousand times in the last hour.” He was the one who spoke first, but his tone was soft and reassuring. His free hand stroked your face, tucking a strand of hair that had escaped your ponytail, behind your ear.

“I'm so sorry Jay,” you mumbled back, feeling awfully guilty to see him like this, features contracted up with concern, eyes shining.

“You don't have to apologize, I'm just so happy you're okay,” he hugged you and you returned that hug, with your free arm. “God Y/N, I wouldn't have known what to do without you. I've never been so scared as today...” he kept talking “Don't ever do this to me again.”

“I was so scared Jay… I…” you stammered, trying to swallow the lump in your throat “I thought I'd never see you again…”

“Shh, it's okay. I'm here now and you're safe, I won't let anyone hurt you anymore,” he tried to calm you down even if he was feeling a storm inside. He was angry, furious, because he wasn't there to protect you, because if he had the person responsible in his hands he would’ve killed them with his bare hands, because he hated seeing you like that, scared, trembling in his arms. And he wanted to cry, cry so hard, because the fear he'd had of losing you was paralyzing.

Jay had never been in a situation where he’d even think you weren't next to him. To him it was like you were a superhero, immortal, that one way or another you'd always come back to him and he had taking all of this for granted. Reality had hit him full blown and left him breathless, making him lose the ground under his feet, the world collapsing around him and made him understand it wasn't like this, that fate was sometimes a bastard and that only event made him realize how important you were to him. Maybe even more than he could have ever imagined.

How much he loved you, for goodness sake, it was overwhelming. You were his whole world, and however absurd, ridiculous, cheesy, or over the top that might seem, Jay really couldn't live without you. It was a phrase he had told you so many times but in that particular absurd event it took on an even deeper and more real meaning and he really, really couldn't exist in a world where you weren't by his side.

And he didn't care how cheesy any of that sounded, it was the plain, simple, unequivocal truth.

“Baby you're choking me,” you muttered as he began to hold you so tight it literally blocked your breath. Your voice brought him back to reality, “Shit. Sorry, baby I didn't realize it,” he said giving you a kiss on the lips and you smiled at him, “It's okay.”

“Are you okay? Do you need something?”.

You shook your head, your lids suddenly feeling heavy. “No, just some rest.”

Jay smiled sweetly, looking at you with so much love and affection. “I know baby, I know. As soon as they prepare the discharge documents, I'll take you home and you can rest as long as you want.”

You nodded and the tender expression on your face made his heart explode. Had he already said how much he fucking loved you? “You'll stay with me right? I need you.”

“Do you really think I would’ve left you alone knowing what you've been through? I'll take the rest of the day off and, since I have a lot of accumulated vacation days, I’ll take the next few weeks as well.”

You smiled faintly. You didn’t want him to not go to work and felt selfish but God, you needed him so badly so you didn’t even complain. “Thank you love.”

“Do you feel like telling me what happened?” Jay asked, now impatient. You told him everything from how you were treating the victim, to the shooting and until help arrived. It goes without saying how furious Jay was when you finished speaking and how he looked ready to smash something against the walls.

“It's over baby, I'm really fine now, luckily they hit me on the arm and not elsewhere where it could’ve been so much worse. I'll get better soon, you know how these things go,” you tried to reassure him, placing your hand on his face and stroking his skin, a gesture that made him relax a little. “Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad Y/N, I’m furious. You are the most precious thing in my life and I’d kill anyone for even touch a strand of your hair in the wrong way. Knowing you were there alone, that you couldn't defend yourself, someone dared to hurt you… I can’t even explain the rage I’m feeling right now,” he replied, the tone of low voice as your words kept echoing in his mind. “I'm so sorry my baby,” he caressed your face “My precious princess. I’m so sorry for not being there and failing to protect you. It shouldn't have happened, especially not to you. If something…”

“No love no,” you interrupted him, not letting him finish that sentence “Let's not think about that. I'm here now, you're here with me and that's all that matters, okay?”.

“I know, I know,” he replied. But they’ll still have to pay for what they did to you.

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[sluttywonwoo]

instead of you [part twenty-three] || l.mh

pairing: [best friend’s brother] lee minho x college!reader ft. han jisung

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either. 

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of sex (mdni)

word count: 3.5k

a/n: revamped my tom holland series from my main blog ( @wazzupmrstark ) to try and motivate myself to finish it!!

series masterlist | early access to the next chapter on ko-fi

You listened to the bedroom door shutting and the muffled whispering that followed. You and your best friend traded looks

“Son of a bitch,” Jisung said, smirking. “Didn’t think he’d be bold enough to bring a girl back here with our parents staying in the same apartment.”

“You’re here with me,” you pointed out.

“Yeah, but according to them we’re in a committed long-term relationship. They don’t know I just picked you up off the street.” You shoved him. “Ow!”

“You’re so annoying.”

“You know what I mean, though,” Jisung continued, dropping his voice into a whisper so that he couldn’t be heard through the wall. “I doubt they’ll be thrilled.”

“Who says they have to find out?”

“Oh, you’re right. He’ll probably just fuck her and kick her out.”

You tensed uncomfortably and Jisung turned his head towards you, noticing the way you’d gone stiff next to him.

“What, are you jealous?”

“Wh-what?” you asked, eyes wide in panic.

Did he know? Had he known this whole time and was only acting like nothing was wrong?

“Yeah, are you jealous? That he’s having sex and you aren’t?”

Jesus Christ.

“Oh, I mean I guess.”

Were you jealous? Was it even fair to feel that way if you were? You didn’t necessarily want to be a random one-night stand of Minho’s, but you did want him in that way. It wasn’t worth it to lie to yourself when it was so obvious. It was bad enough lying to your best friend. Still, it wasn’t like you could have him- or that he could have you. It wasn’t fair to be jealous over someone that wasn’t and would never be yours. Even if the attraction was mutual, it wasn’t like you could expect him not to fuck other people since you were fucking his brother.

“Me too,” Jisung agreed with a sigh.

It was easy to forget that weren’t the only one being forced to stay celibate. And even though you were the one who was arguably making the bigger sacrifice, it still had to be hard for him.

“Although, if the sex is that quiet I don’t want it,” he added in a low voice.

You hadn’t even realized it had gone silent on the other side of the wall until he mentioned it. You waited a couple of beats, holding out to see if maybe they had just taken a breather in the middle or something, but you couldn’t even hear them talking anymore.

Jisung had already turned over on his side to go to sleep, but you stayed frozen in place, still waiting to hear anything that indicated what was going on in the room next door, but there was nothing. You knew you shouldn’t even be listening in the first place. It was invasive and inappropriate- sure, Minho had heard you “having sex”, but only because you were loud on purpose, not because he was trying to.

The mere thought of Minho having sex with a stranger was enough to make your stomach turn, and yet there you were torturing yourself and being nosy.

After several long minutes filled with the sounds of Jisung’s soft snores and your own breaths, you rolled over and squeezed your eyes shut, willing yourself to drift off. You weren’t sure how long it took, but you must’ve fallen asleep eventually because the next time you opened your eyes the bedroom was filled with sunlight.

Neither of you had remembered to shut the blinds or draw the curtains the night before which let the light shine through the window unfiltered, right into your face. You blinked and groaned, blindly reaching for your phone on the nightstand to shut off your alarm.

Everyone had to be up early because you were going to Disneyland- something that had not necessarily been your choice, but more of a suggestion by Jisung’s parents. You were happy to go, though. The only Disney park you’d ever been to was Disney World in Orlando. Your family used to go every couple of years and it was fun enough, so you figured Disney in Shanghai would be fun too… of course, there was the whole ‘Walt Disney was a piece of shit’ and ‘Disney as a corporation is a conglomerate monopoly that sucks the money and creativity and joy out of everything it touches’ issues that you had to look past, but since Minho had performed at one of the parks a couple of years ago, everyone got free tickets was so you might as well go and enjoy it on the company’s dime.

Thankfully, it wasn’t the day that you had to wear the matching shirts with everyone so you wouldn’t look that touristy, but you knew they’d probably make you all wear Mickey ears at the very least.

You got dressed along with Jisung and took turns in the bathroom brushing your teeth.

“Make sure you put sunscreen on,” you reminded him through a mouthful of toothpaste as he walked past the open door.

“You too,” he shot back.

You spit into the sink and rinsed your mouth before responding.

“I already have sunscreen on, dumbass. And you’re the one who needs it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “Fuck you.”

“You wish.”

“Good morning to the happy couple,” Felix chimed in, peeking out from the door to his bedroom. “I slept through my alarm, but your bickering woke me up so thank you for that. I would’ve been late to breakfast.”

“We weren’t bickering,” Jisung scoffed. 

Behind his back you gave Felix a look that said we definitely were and he just laughed. Jisung turned to look at you, raising his eyebrow in suspicion. 

“What?”

“Nothing, babe. Let’s go join your parents in the kitchen. I think the food’s here. It smells delicious.”

Dom and Nikki had ordered room service for everyone and it was waiting on the table for you when you walked into the common area together. 

“Good morning,” Nikki greeted you brightly, lifting a cup of coffee to her lips. She gestured to the spread of breakfast foods laid out on the table and encouraged you and the twins to help yourselves. 

You grabbed a plate and filled it with fruit, spooning strawberries and blueberries onto the side so that you could save the middle for bigger things like a bagel or a waffle. Jisung and Felix went for the heartier dishes first, predictably filling their plates with sausage and bacon before moving on to the fruit and carbs. 

Minho was the last to join, stumbling tiredly to the table as he yawned and blinked the sleep from his eyes. 

“Good morning,” Nikki said, just as cheerily as she had been with the other three of you. 

“Morning,” Minho replied quietly. 

“Is your, um... friend joining us for breakfast?” his mother asked. 

Everyone’s attention was suddenly on Minho. You all had stopped what you were doing to look at him expectantly. You’d been about to take a bite of toast, but you didn’t want to miss what he said so now you were just holding the piece of bread inches away from your open mouth.

Minho shot Felix an accusatory look, as if he thought his younger brother had been the one to snitch on him. Felix gave Minho a quick shake of his head and just shrugged, communicating back that he had no idea how they knew. 

“No, she left a couple minutes ago,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. His cheeks were pink with embarrassment and he kept his head down as he took a seat next to Felix.

So she had stayed over.

“Will you be seeing her again?” Nikki pressed, spreading butter onto an English muffin. Dom elbowed his wife pointedly, but she just waved him off. She knew exactly what she was doing, giving her son a hard time. 

“I don’t know,” Minho answered, barely audible. 

“She seemed nice,” Felix supplied helpfully with a grin. “She was a college student studying abroad.”

“How interesting,” their father said unconvincingly as he stirred cream into his coffee. 

“Yeah, she’s American too, like y/n.”

It was your turn to be thrust into the spotlight and you wished you could disappear. There was no reason for the invocation of your name to be suspicious or strange, but you still averted your gaze from everyone and stared at your plate. 

“What a coincidence,” Nikki mused thoughtfully. 

“I didn’t even know you brought someone home,” Jisung lied. You weren’t sure why he was blatantly making shit up, but his reasoning became apparent as he continued. “It was so quiet on our end of the apartment all night.” You reached under the table and squeezed your best friend’s thigh in warning, but he didn’t react and continued to tease his older brother. “Did you guys just have a sleepover or something?”

Minho raised his head and glared at Jisung angrily, offering no response- denial or otherwise. 

“Or are you just not as good as you think you are?”

He didn’t say it explicitly, but the implication was there. Everyone at the table knew he meant good in bed, but for all you knew he could’ve been referring to everything else Minho did too, using the night before as an excuse to call him out in front of everybody. 

Minho clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at Jisung. “You want to go there?”

The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. You didn’t know what your best friend’s problem was, but his apparent unresolved bitterness toward his brother was starting to get on your nerves. Your grip on Jisung’s thigh tightened and you gave him a disapproving look. 

“Quit it, Ji,” you scolded him at the same time his dad said, “That sort of talk isn’t appropriate for family meals”.

Jisung apologized and dropped it, but Minho was still clearly fuming. The rest of breakfast was quiet, with only Felix and Nikki trying to revive the conversation by talking about anything and everything. By the time everyone had finished eating it was time to pack up for the day and head downstairs to call a cab.

Jisung disappeared into your room to get your backpacks leaving you with Felix in the living room. 

“Today’s going to be fun,” he muttered, loud enough for only you to hear. 

“Tell me about it.”

“At least we’re gonna spend it at the ‘happiest place on earth’, right?” he asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Yup,” you agreed. “Can’t wait.”

-

Disney was much more your speed than Yomiuriland had been. The rides weren’t nearly as tall here, and the ones that looked too daunting for you had cute little child swap areas where they were playing movies to wait in. Of course, the movies were all in Mandarin, but you’d seen most of them enough times to know what was happening anyway. 

Jisung wasn’t as hesitant to leave you by yourself in the child swap, but he still offered to stay behind with you every single time. You had to assure him that you were more than content to hold all the bags and watch Beauty and the Beast with a bunch of toddlers and exhausted parents. And it was true. It was nice to have time to yourself to just do nothing. You were able to scroll through social media without having to look over your shoulder, able to simply exist without feeling like every breath you took was a lie. You were only alone for a few minutes at a time, but it was still nice to have a break. 

The wait times were pretty long, considering that it was the summertime and the height of tourist season, so a lot of the day was spent standing in line. You would wait with the Hans up until the very end of the line and then either get on the ride with them or skirt into the child swap room right next to the loading dock to wait for them. 

“How was it?” you asked, standing when you saw the boys coming through the switch door. You distributed the backpacks back to them, receiving a kiss from Jisung as you handed him his. 

They had just gone on the TRON motorcycle roller coaster, something you had been happy to pass on. You remembered all of the TRON promotions playing on cable when you were younger, but you had never actually seen the movie. Either way, you weren’t interested in the ride because of the high drops. 

“It was really cool,” Jisung replied, pushing his curls out of his eyes. “You would’ve hated it.”

“I bet.”

Minho slung an arm around each of his twin brothers and squeezed them affectionately, laughing when they both groaned. “Are you guys hungry? Should we get lunch?”

“I could eat,” Felix said thoughtfully. 

“Me too,” Jisung agreed, then turned to you. “Babe?”

“Lunch sounds good to me.”

You wandered together until you stumbled upon a restaurant called Wandering Moon and decided to eat there. You weren’t sure what kind of food they served, it was a choice of convenience rather than craving- as most theme park meals were. 

You shared some egg rolls and wok-fried spicy chicken with Jisung. You knew that they had accommodated the spiciness for the tourists here and that it didn’t measure up to the actual Chinese definition of spicy, but it was still hot. You had to drink three cups of lemonade just to tolerate the spice and be able to get it down, while Jisung was completely unbothered.

“How are you not dying?” you choked out between sips, spilling lemonade down your shirt in the process. 

“You forget that I’m a culinary student,” he reminded you, putting a hand on your knee. “This is nothing.”

“What’s the spiciest thing they’ve ever made you eat?” Felix asked with a grin. 

“They’ve made us eat a lot of weird shit,” Jisung mused, “but spiciest... there were some peppers we’ve been given the ‘option’ to try.”

“Why’d you say ‘option’ like that?”

“Because they can’t legally make us eat anything. It gets even dicier when you get up past a certain Scoville level, too. But they usually want us to know what the ingredients we’re cooking with taste like so we know how their flavor will affect the rest of the dish. If that makes sense.” He paused, waiting for his brothers to nod in understanding or acknowledgment before continuing. You already knew all of what he was saying from listening to countless stories he’d prefaced with this exact information so he didn’t even need to look at you to know you were following. “So while we don’t have to eat them, our professors always highly recommend trying at least a little bit of everything, and it’s kind of implied that you’re a pussy if you don’t.” 

“What if you’re a vegetarian?” Minho interjected.

“Then you kind of just have to deal with being looked down on until you graduate. Actually, you’ll probably be looked down on your entire career. Culinary is a toxic field, but we don’t have time to unpack all of that right now. Anyway, we’ve worked on dishes with Ghost Peppers and Trinidad Scorpions, and basically, it just turns into a pissing contest over who can take the most heat without drinking anything.”

“Did you ever win?”

“Absolutely not. Look at me. This girl from Nepal beat us all almost every single time. Nepali food isn’t even known to be that spicy. We’re all just wimps.”

“I remember the ghost pepper day,” you chimed in suddenly. “You came to my dorm in tears.”

Jisung grimaced at the memory as his brothers laughed. “Thank you, my love, for bringing that story up.”

“He laid down in my bed and made me go buy him a gallon of milk from the gas station down the street. By the time I got back, he was convinced I’d have to take him to the emergency room. He turned out to be fine, obviously, but at the time my car was in the shop and I’d never driven his before so we really thought we were going to have to take the campus bus to the ER.”

“Oh my god,” Minho murmured. 

“I know how to drive his car now, though. So if that were to ever happen again and you actually did need to go to the ER, we’d be fine. Theoretically.”

“I’m so relieved,” your best friend deadpanned. 

After lunch you were back out in the park, flip-flopping between whichever attractions had the shortest wait times. You hadn’t seen Jisung’s parents in a few hours. They had told you that they were starting on the opposite end of the park and were going to do some shopping. They claimed to be too old for the rides, saying they weren’t worth the back pain later, and you couldn’t blame them. A two-minute ride on the teacups didn’t really sound like a fair trade for hours of soreness. Even if it was just an excuse to avoid their children, you couldn’t blame them for that either. 

Minho had only been recognized a handful of times so far, but as it got later into the afternoon and the park grew increasingly crowded you noticed that he was getting stopped more and more times. Felix and even Jisung were unfazed by the whole ordeal. You were the only one who seemed to feel out of place when people approached Minho. Sometimes the fans would ask Felix for a picture too, because apparently he had guest-starred in a few of Minho’s vlogs, but usually you and Jisung just stood on the sidelines while this went on. There was only one time Jisung was roped into taking a picture, and it was a group picture with all three of the boys. 

He had told you a few weeks ago that he was involved in a public charity organization with his brothers, and that he was only ever recognized because of it in association with Minho, but it was still weird to see. 

You felt a little possessive over your best friend as you watched him interact with the stranger and her family who had stopped them. You itched to take his hand, pull him away from the conversation and keep him to yourself. You weren’t sure what had come over you. He seemed totally fine. It wasn’t as if he looked uncomfortable or anything. He was perfectly friendly to the girl and even wrapped his arm around her shoulders for the photo, but you couldn’t help but feel the need to rescue him. You were relieved when they exchanged goodbyes.

“That was weird,” you said, slipping your hand into Jisung’s again. 

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “It’s been a while since that happened. I was used to it for a while, back in Seoul.”

“Did anyone ever stop you by yourself?”

“Never just me. Sometimes they’d stop me and Felix if it was just the two of us, which was always kind of funny. Like, to me it makes more sense to take a photo with us if we’re with Minho, or at an event for the nonprofit. I mean, I guess Minho’s kind of more well-known too, so even that makes sense. But me, I haven’t done anything. I don’t work in the industry, I’m just Minho’s brother.”

You nodded, resting your head on his shoulder as you walked. You were beginning to understand Jisung’s complicated feelings toward his older brother more with every day you spent with them. 

“You’re not just Minho’s brother,” you protested.

“To you.”

“To lots of people! All of our friends at school, your family, your professors...” you trailed off. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

You wanted to reassure him, but you could tell he didn’t want to talk about it anymore so you dropped it. 

The afternoon passed rather quickly. Every time you got off a ride the sun was a little lower in the sky until finally it kissed the horizon and turned the clouds pink. As the evening wound down into night the four of you hovered over a map of the park together trying to decide what your last stops would be. 

You stayed until the park closed, ending the night by meeting up with Jisung’s parents for the fireworks show. They were the best fireworks you’d ever seen, which was to be expected since fireworks were invented in China. Still, you couldn’t keep your gasps of surprise and delight to yourself as you watched them explode into bursts of color in the dark sky. Jisung kept his arms around you the entire time, hugging you from the back and giggling at your reactions to the show in between kisses to the top of your head. 

If you just kept looking up, you could fool yourself into thinking that it was just you and Jisung. You could tune everyone else out, his brothers, his parents... it was just the two of you enjoying each other’s company like you used to. It was peaceful, although a little naive of you- especially considering that it was the last night things would feel relatively normal.  

lmk what you think i always appreciate feedback!!

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[crowscadence]

BSD as things I’ve heard in band

Tachihara: Who wants to do some carpool kareoke?!

Akutagawa: I’d rather you skin and boil me alive

Yosano: They were like “should we medicate her?” and I said no because I didn’t want to lose my sparkle

Ranpo: I don’t have to worry about that because my sparkle is autism

Kunikida: *sigh* I’ve been afflicted by Dazai’s bullshit

Dazai: hey scoot over a bit

Chuuya: no you’re not my master

Dazai: actually I am, be my dog

Dazai, holding just the head of a dog-shaped cookie jar: Isn’t he cute?

Atsushi: Dazai why do you have a dog head

Dazai: The rest of the body is in my bag :)))

Atsushi: That doesn’t make it any better-

Dazai: Hey, did you hear who just got asked out?

Chuuya: Who?

Dazai: You *finger guns*

Atsushi, running from Akutagawa: Help, I’m being attacked by a wild emo!

*15 Dazai and Chuuya arguing over the plural of penis*

Mori: you two are making me question my life choices

Nikolai: What if edible p*rn was a thing?

Sigma: please never say those words in that order ever again

Dazai, after a mission: You know Atsushi you’re really not beating those furry allegations

Atsushi: yeah I saw that one coming

Kenji: Going to Paris without seeing Versailles is like going to New York for the first time and not seeing the Tilted Towers

Kyouka: …Kenji that's from fortnite

Yosano: well you may be the best walking condom ad I’ve ever seen

(This quote would fit so many)

Ango: nothing like a government website to keep you up at 2AM

(this was from my band director)

Kunikida, talking about Dazai: The fact that he’s not responding to my texts right now is bull because there’s no way that sleep-deprived, caffeine-addicted twink isn’t awake

Dazai: this is the face of a professional

Atsushi: that’s the face of a fucking idiot

Kunikida, talking about his headcanonned college experience: do you know what kind of foul things come out of frat guys’ mouths?

Dazai: no but I know what foul things probably go in them

Akutagawa: I must be a poison type because I can’t stop fucking koffing

Dazai, mocking fyodor: what’s the point of saying meow if it’s not in a Russian accent?

Dazai: I dunno about you but Tom Riddle could grease my cork

Dazai: never thought I’d see the day when I’d be handcuffed in the band room but okay

Ranpo, putting on sunglasses inside: gotta rep that autism

*Dazai bitching and moaning about sore muscles*

Atsushi: be glad for the pain, it means you’re alive

Dazai: bitch you know I’m suicidal

Dazai, holding up a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt: oh my god guys this is the shirt I wore to emergency therapy after trying to off myself

Albatross: do y’all think I could pull off a black turtleneck or would I just look like that kid from The Incredibles

Atsushi, walking with his hoodie pocket full of tuners: I’m like a marsupial with my tuner babies

Dazai: Listen that song is a banger, but with all those weird time signatures I think that playing it would make me wanna kill— shit I forgot I’m not allowed to make that joke anymore

[kiseiakhun]

(nsfw)

read on ao3

*

Alright.

Alright, so, the kid is hooking up with Wally. That... makes more sense than it doesn't, actually, considering how they bicker. It was only a matter of time before they jumped each other. Had been jumping each other. Honestly, they're barely keeping it discreet. Probably the only reason Hal hadn't noticed sooner is because he barely spends time on Earth anymore.

He just wishes they weren't proving his suspicions right on his bed. That he sleeps on.

His bed. Not Kyle's, or at least, the bed that Kyle is currently sleeping in, because the kid had somehow gotten it in his head that Hal's spare room is meant for him. "The beds on the watchtower are uncomfortable," he says, every time he has to stay on Earth for more than two days, "and it's not like anyone is staying with you," and "every time I stay with the Titans I get sucked into teenager drama," and "you're the only one with a place on Earth anymore, please please please please please?"

Which is a lie, by the way. Alan still has his mansion, and he knows Bruce keeps a place around for Kyle because he's soft on the kid. And none of it matters, because Hal always says yes. Kyle's right. It's not like anyone is using his spare room, anyway.

"You're such an asshole," he hears Kyle hiss, through the cracked-open door, and then, "ow! Stop biting me!" He really needs to start learning how to say 'no' to Kyle. It's been years, he's made up for the whole Parallax thing, right? Right.

"Then hurry up," Wally insists. "I didn't come to hear you bitch and whine."

"In case you forgot, I didn't ask you to come. You invited yourself." There's the shuffle of bodies, the creak of Hal's ancient bedsprings. Unwittingly, Hal conjures an image of Kyle. And Wally. And their paper-thin uniforms that they create out of nothing. Would they even need to take anything off? Touching Kyle is like touching bare skin.

And that's a dangerous line of thought. No. Nope.

"I came to see Hal, not you," Wally insists. "And speaking of, hurry up, before he comes back."

There's a seconds-long pause.

"Really?" Wally asks.

"Shut up," Kyle replies, sounding flustered.

"Freak." Wally can't be too offended, if the rocking of the bed and Kyle's low moan is any indication. "Of course you'd like that, you shameless exhibitionist."

"Like you're any better." There's the sound of flesh on flesh. Of lips on skin. Hal stares at the sliver of afternoon light spilling through the crack on the door like it holds all the answers. His pants feel tight. Maybe he should start using his front door instead of flying in through the window. John had lectured him enough on the security threat of an always-open window. So had Bruce, but Hal doesn't care about Bruce's opinion. Kyle also insists on the open window, for his oil paintings to dry.

Hal really needs to start saying no to the kid.

"What are you doing?" Kyle asks, sounding strangled.

"Did you leave your brain in space?" Wally's voice is breathy. Hal is rooted in place. "What does it look like I'm doing, dumbass?"

"I am not fucking you today." Kyle's voice is a tight hiss. "We're on Hal's bed!"

"Oh, so you'd grope me on Hal's bed, but you won't fuck me on Hal's bed?"

"I'm not getting lube on his sheets! He doesn't have a washing machine!"

"Unbelievable," Wally says. "When did you get so uptight? Did space turn you into a prude, too? I thought lanterns were supposed to be sluts."

"You're a slut." Kyle sounds aggrieved. "You really can't live without my cock for one day? You're the one who says we should make this qu-ick-"

"I'm always quick." Wally sounds far too smug for someone who just basically admitted he can't last in bed. The wet noises get louder. "And stop being so precious, I know you've jerked off on this bed."

"Fuck," Kyle hisses. "That's different, you a-asshole." His breathing gets heavy. "Me t-touching myself doesn't mean bringing lube-stained sheets to the laundromat."

Hal feels dizzy. Kyle. Touching himself. On Hal's bed.

He should really leave. He should've left ten minutes ago. He should've left as soon as he flew in through the window and heard Wally and Kyle rolling in the sheets, hissing and spitting at each other like cats. The sheets. On his bed. On Hal's bed, that they are on, right now.

Kyle takes too many liberties with Hal's stuff. Kyle waltzes into his life like a little diva and takes Hal's time and his home like he's entitled to it, wheedling and pouting and nagging Hal until he folds to his every request. He sleeps in his bed, leaves crumbs on the couch cushions, and stinks up the apartment with his paints and canvases and half-drunk cups of coffee. Against his will, Hal knows what gesso is, and fixative, and the dangers of tossing oil paint rags in the trash. He keeps pulling sketchbooks out from under tables, and pillows, and under the bed and behind the bookcase and, once, in the spice cabinet, tucked into the furthest corner. It might still be there, actually. Kyle's still here, in his bed, in his life, flitting around like a moth that won't leave.

And now he's fucking Wally in Hal's room. Not the spare bedroom, but Hal's. He's touched himself in that bedroom. And God, Wally. Hal can't think of Wally. He's known Wally since he was a kid, since he was a bright-eyed little rascal looking at Barry like he's the best thing in the world.

This is so, so wrong.

"Stop worrying," Wally tells Kyle, that breathy tone still in his voice, that breathy, aroused voice that Hal shouldn't listen to, he should not be listening to. "No one cares about - hah. About what you do."

"Are you trying to be nice?" Kyle's voice has the same strain to it. "Because if you are, you're, ngh. You're really bad at it."

"I'm not." Wally somehow manages to sound both unimpressed and turned on at once. Hal wonders what they're doing, wonders at their position. From context, Wally's probably on top of Kyle. Is Kyle sitting up, or lying down? Hal imagines it. Imagines Kyle holding Wally's hips, or his ass, fingers denting the jagged red edges of his uniform, ripped open just enough to ease Kyle's cock into him. And Kyle, in the last thing Hal saw him in, wearing Guy's football jersey and a pair of tiny shorts that ride up enough to show the curve of his ass when he bends over-

More rustling. The sound of a body being flipped over.

"Fucking brat," Kyle spits. "I'll make you shut up."

Hal should really leave.

He reaches for his pants. Squeezes his erection. And doesn't move.

[daylillie]

If anyone is tired of hearing me bitch about OCD yet, I don't care because I'm forever wanting to mentally slap the "I'm so OCD" people in the face. Along with anyone who thinks it's fun or trendy to fake a mental illness for views or knowingly spread misinformation. It keeps the real sufferers from seeking help and they truly don't understand what severe OCD looks like.

Example:

I hit my breaking point today. I really don't know how I'll move past this. I have a Body Focused Repetitive Behavior (think hair pulling and skin picking) where I run my tongue on my gums. I guess it softened my gum in that spot. Before anyone thinks "just stop doing it", BFRBs usually don't go away easily.

So, I was eating chips and I thought a chip got lodged into my gum. Not a big deal, but OCD makes it one. Again, "just stop" doesn't work. No matter what I do, I will keep thinking there's a chip in my gum. I flossed the same tooth over and over. I kept going back to brush my teeth. I wasn't terrified yet, mostly extremely annoyed. My gums were irritated by now.

Here's what a lot of people don't understand either. OCD can slowly build. It's not always immediately horrific. It can start off as a normal "a chip stabbed my gum" (most everyone's been stabbed by a chip or had a popcorn kernel in-between their teeth) thought. This was over the course of three days. Sometimes, the person experiencing it won't realize what's happening until they're knee deep (in my case neck deep).

So, two days of this before I had an intrusive thought "If you don't get the chip out it will move further into your gum and you'll get a tooth infection."

I started picking at it. I flossed more aggressively. At this point it's overly obsessive. It's urgent. It's all-consuming. It's the only thing I can think about.

I googled tooth infection and what can happen. Not super distressing until I'm in the rabbit hole of research.

Intrusive thought "What if the chip is already lodged too deep? What if it erodes your tooth?"

There was no stopping it. I cut my gum. I dug inside it with a tool. I stopped the bleeding. It was late. Eventually, I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion and woke up this morning in (shocking) severe pain.

Argued with myself about going to work but I can't take off anymore time for OCD, I've taken too much. Yeah, I know ADA is a thing, but I don't want a lawsuit situation.

We also won't get into how hard it is to make an emergency dentist appointment where I live and not wanting to be at the ER for twelve plus hours. Also, OCD comes with a lot of shame so "I mutilated my mouth because I think a chip is in my gum" is not ER worthy to me. Plus, insurance. No insurance. Money etc.

The pain got worse at work. It spread to my neck. My lymph nodes were swollen. I had a massive headache. I was still doing my BFRB which gets worse with stress. It didn't help that I visited relatives who tested positive for covid. Then I felt like I couldn't breath (cue somatic OCD). I could barely open my mouth or move my tongue without wanting to cry.

I googled tooth abscess from injury.

Intrusive thought "What if you already have an infection? Can it spread to your brain in days? Hours? Is it covid or a tooth infection? You should probably go to the doctor."

Google. Google. Google. Google.

Somehow made it to near the end of my shift. Google again.

Intrusive thought "What if it's really bad? What if you become septic? WHAT IF YOU DIE IN YOUR SLEEP TONIGHT?! GO TO THE DOCTOR."

Made it within ten minutes of closing. Covid negative. Extreme guilt for making the doctors stay late. The damage I did to my gum was bad. I broke down about my OCD. They prescribed me medicine which I hate (iykyk), but I'll take it if it means I get any sort of relief.

Long story short, I was also given antibiotics...to prevent developing a tooth infection...which would have never happened if I didn't obsess over the fear of developing a tooth infection.

Remind me again why anyone wants this? I'm drinking smoothies and soup from a straw until it heals. And when it does heal, I have a fear of anything solid getting into my gum now. I don't want to eat. How is this quirky???

I'm pissed. I'm angry. I want to die (lucky for me I won't because my fear of dying). But you can research the suicide rates. Fuck OCD.

Also, if you do have a certain view, it's not too late to educate yourself about any mental illness, neurodevelopmental disorders, personality disorders. Even if you're already on the band wagon. It's okay to say I was wrong (I've done it before).

[cupoftaae]

Hi, Nini!! Can I request a Jimin angst with prompt 13 for the drabble game? (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

13- "you are breaking my heart...and you cant even fucking see it" x Jimin

Hi sweetheart! apologies for the late post but I hope you enjoy it <3

warnings- angst, swearing, mentions of drinking

"dont slam my car door!"

you heard jimin call after you as you ran into the house, him getting out of the car still.

"y/n!" he shouted, putting his phone in his pocket and running in, seeing you taking off your coat. He caught his breath before speaking "whats your issue?"

You scoff, giving him a knowing look before turning and walking past him.

"Hey!" he shouted, urging you to talk, "you screamed the entire car ride home and now your silent?"

You finally turned to look your boyfriend in the eyes, your stomach churning- "what"

He blinks, "what do you mean 'what'"?

"what do you want me to say?"

Jimin almost laughs "I want you to explain why you are fucking freaking out about this, and why the hell we had to leave the party early?"

"jimin..." you try to gather your thoughts, stepping down the stairs to be at his level. "im mad because you told me-you promised me....that the drinking would stop"

He takes a deep breath before speaking "It was only 2 glasses-"

"4...it was 4" you interrupt

"taehyung offered those, and so what?"

"youre an alcoholic jimin! you can risk to have just 4 drinks, because you end up like you did"

"and how is that?"

You scoffed "you were yelling and causing a scene, then you started being aggressive with ME!" you feel your voice shake as it gets louder, your body cant decide whether youre more sad or angry

"oh are you embarrassed? did i embarrass you?"

"yes, you did. You embarrassed yourself as well, and I wish you'd see that." you sigh and run your hand in your hair, "you were sober for 7 months, jimin, you were doing so well....you finished your therapy progr-"

"oh fuck the therapy program, fuck them and fuck this too" he threw his hands up and tossed his coat to the floor.

"jimin" you warn sternly

"you know...the thing with you is that you cant stand when things arent up to perfection, it fucking irks the shit out of you, doesnt it?"

You remained silent, watching your boyfriend pace the living room.

"like...you bragged about my sobriety like it was something you did, I did it myself. You didnt care when I was drunk and alone in the studio every night"

"jimin thats not true"

"yes it is! dont tell me its not!" he scoffed, looking at you "and then, I decide to have a few drinks at a party when I havent seen my friends in so long, and when I feel like im having a good time, you whisk me away so you arent embarrassed of me anymore"

"jimin I care about you, I fucking care so much and I want you to be healthy!!"

"oh shut up, stop with the bullshit y/n, You only fucking care about yourself, you are a selfish bitch"

You feel yourself tear up at his words, trying to remind yourself that he isnt sober, and this exact behavior is the reason he landed into rehab in the first place.

"are you crying?" he looked at you with a glare, his fists balled up into his own shirt.

You sniff and wipe your tears, "yes?" you bite

"why" he questions, as if he hasnt been involved in the situation

you widen your eyes and look at him, shrugging helplessly, "Because you are breaking my heart.....and you cant even fucking see it!!"

His gaze softens, but he is past forgiveness tonight.

Its silent for a few moments as you quietly sob into your hands, he decides to try to hold you, but you jump away as if you got burned.

"n-no....dont touch me...ever" you spoke through gritted teeth...his words stung deep.

He sadly looked back at you as you spoke, "you arent sleeping in our room, you can sleep on the sofa- or the street for all i care" you wiped your tear

"y/n...im-"

"dont say youre sorry....you dont say that shit unless you mean it, and im starting to think those words were real"

"No!!"

"save it, im going to bed" you turn, walking up the stairs and slamming the door shut, leaving jimin alone downstairs as he watched you go.

[call-sign-jinx]

Tangerine ~ You're My Top Priority

Summary: you and tangerine have an argument that ends up with you crying, you go to sleep after getting drugged and when you wake up tangerine confesses something.

Warnings: swearing, fluff, makeout, guns and i think thas it

A/N: hiya babes! if ur reading this i hope u find it great cos i acc enjoyed writing sommet for once. ill probs do more and requests r open so ye. adios hun xoxo

tangerine x fem!reader

To put it simply. I hate Tangerine’s guts. Why? Cause he’s a fucking twat and everyone knows it. Some people are just more tolerable to him than others. Me? I don’t take any of his shit cause I just don’t care anymore. When I were younger, I used to let people take the piss and use me for my kindness but as I grew older, I started to care less. It started to drain me being that nice all the time. So by the time I was about 15, I just... Cracked. What I mean is I realised who used me and who didn’t and the worst of them all was none other than Tangerine himself. He wanted me to do something for him and instead of finally saying no, I just snapped and let out all my anger out on him. Obviously he fought back, but I won anyway. And from that day, we both hated each other.

Now, I’m on a mission with Lemon, and sadly Tangerine, to bring the White Death’s son to him and also to bring a brief case. Simple but also not. I heard that some other people are after the briefcase so when Tangerine mentioned that we wouldn’t keep it with us for the train journey. I obviously had something to say.

“Why the fuck would yer leave it there without one of us ‘olding it? Ahaha you pleb are you ‘aving a giggle?” I tilted my head back as I laughed at Tangerine. Lemon let out a small giggle as he has always loved my accent. Tangerine just pulled a face at me that looked like disgust.

“Do you plan on holding it mate?” Tangerine wanted an argument, and so did I. So I was going to give him one.

“Nah, am not gonna ‘old it, yer 'olding you daft bastard." Lemon couldn't help but burst into a fit of giggles. Tangerine hit his shoulder to try and stop him but all it did was make them go slightly quieter.

"Maybe if you grew a pair Tangerine, you'd get a job done without needing other people to do all the dirty work." I crossed my arms across my chest and Tangerine gave me the dirtiest look he could fathom.

"Who do you think you're talking to Baroness? You're only on our side cause we needed you for one thing then this bastard decided to let you join our 'team'." Tangerine pointed to Lemon angrily and I rolled my eyes as he continued to lecture me while Lemon put a hand on his chest in mock offense. I lay back into my seat and blocked his voice out.

"Oi! Just because you're rich from daddy's money you inherited when he died doesn't mean you have to ignore me you stuck up bitch." That struck a nerve. He knew my dad died when I was 16. I had to get pulled out of school because of it for a bit. He died because of something I did. Something I did cost him his fucking life.

"You know not to talk 'bout ma dad you fucking stupid cunt." My eyes began to tear up and I couldn't hold them in anymore. I stood up and went to the bathroom as far away from Tangerine as I could. I locked the door and sat there for a while. Guess it was long enough for me to fall asleep. I know, why on God's green earth is an agent falling asleep on a mission? I don't fucking know mate, I were just feeling tired since I had that cup of tea that man gave me. Fuck! It has halcian. I thought it were that in his fucking pocket.

I leaned against the wall and my eyes got heavier and heavier with every second. Until... I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I heard shouting and people fighting. I quickly woke myself up and psyched myself up to get ready for a punch getting thrown or a kick to the leg. I quickly opened the door and as soon as I stepped out I was met with silence. I looked to the left of me, and there were men down on the floor. Then I looked to the right, great. It were Tangerine post-fight with sweat glazing his face and exposed chest. God his body looked good in that sui- what the fuck am I thinking? No! He's a fucking prick. But he's a fit prick. Ugh it's fucking confusing.

"Oh my God, Ness! I thought someone had hurt you! Are you alright?" He cupped my cheeks and turned my head side to side to scan for any signs of damage. I rolled my eyes and pushed his gorgeous, veiny hands away from my face.

"Why don't you go get the brief case since thas what yer always worried bout. Fucking cumbag." I went to turn around and leave but Tangerine grabbed my wrist and held me in place. He looked at me and oh. My. God. I never noticed how blue and beautiful his eyes were. Baroness! Stop! He's been a prick since day 1, why now?

"Y/N, what do you mean? I care more about you than the briefcase. I always have. You're my top priority." He cupped my cheeks once again and heat were rising to my face.

"Anyway, besides the point. Where've you been this past hour? We kind of needed you a bit." He gestures his head side to side at the men down on the floor.

"Some fucking wankface man spiked ma drink. Am fucking livid and am gonna knock his lights out." Tangerine's whole demeanor changed. His went from soft and caring to pissed off and looks like he's about to kill everyone in his sight.

"Who the fuck did it? Do you remember what he looked like?" I looked to my left when I saw a figure coming towards us and it was the prick himself. I pointed at him and before I could even say anything, Tangerine pulled his gun out and shot him between the eyes.

"Jesus Christ Tang, bit of a warning next time?" Tangerine quickly put his gun away and apologised.

"By the way Ness, am sorry for what I said earlier. That wasn't called for and I crossed the line." He looked down to his shoes with furrowed brows.

"Tang, its fine. I've said some fucked up shit to you before. Some has been even worse than that and you just act like you don't care when I know it hits a nerve. Plus am tired of fighting all the time. Mates?" I put my hand out for him to shake but when he grabbed it he pulled me closer to him then pressed his lips against mine.

I was shocked at first but then I kissed him back and pulled him as close as possible by placing my hands on the back of his neck. He slowly places his hands on my waist and squeezes them as he does the same.

He swipes his tongue across my bottom lip asking for access. I open my mouth in response and it turns into a heated makeout, until both of us lose our breath.

"I think I wanna be more than mates darling." Tangerine smirks at me and I returned the expression. We then decide to go look for Lemon and head to the bottom of the train as quick as we can.

[rangergirl3]

The thing about gradually coming to terms with long-repressed traumatic memories is:

Well, you tend to make jokes that no one else finds funny, but it’s how you cope. Sort of.

Mostly to fend off the screaming in your head.

Which can work. Until you have enough faculties to deal with it, which I thankfully do.

Trauma mentions after the cut. Nothing graphic, just yucky.

I made the following joke upon realizing that there is 100% no way I should ever trust my biological father or mother within 100 miles of me or any kids I have.

Let’s just say that waking up sweating, and visceral panic attacks, intrusive flashbacks, and a literal textbook worth of gradual realizations are a real bitch to work with when it ends up that I also have survived: incest. Wish that was a mistype. But it’s not.

Ugh.

Just YUCK.

Although the stuff my mother would tell me as a kid (aka If you ever tell anyone about the stuff that happens at home the social workers will come and take away your siblings and you’ll NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN) really starts to make sense now. (She was a real mean piece of work too. Each of my parental figures really does deserve the other. It’s a match made in Hades. I wish them a very predictably miserable eternity together.)

At the time, I just figured she really hated anyone knowing we, I don’t know, were noisy and messy at times, like kids tend to be.

But instead, my mind was just doing this: Running from anything I felt I couldn’t control. Which was everything.

Thank goodness I have stable relationships now. I mean, it still is nasty to deal with all of the health consequences - past and present - and I’ve definitely begun an overhaul of the house, instead of just a typical spring cleaning. Something about just throwing myself into a mountain of tasks can help me feel a little less lost when the noise inside my head gets too loud. (As long as I make sure I get enough sleep, rest, and relaxation, too.)

But yes, that’s…well, the biggest reason I took so much time off of Tumblr. There were other memories I uncovered - to no one’s surprise, I witnessed a LOT of messed up stuff in my early life that just got stuffed under the rug - including two suicides of total strangers because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time- side note - Please Please Please LIVE. Each life is such an irreplaceable treasure. Please choose to live. Please.

So. That was a lot. I’m a little bit nervous posting this, mostly due to some very cruel anons that have interacted with me in the past, but I wanted to update you, my friends🥰, on what all’s been up these last several months.

Just as a reassurance: I’m safe. I’m truly very happy. And I’m not going anywhere. Except maybe the library. Every time I get another set of books, and cart them back home, my husband just looks up at me and laughs, because it’s not even surprising anymore. 😂

Also my kiddo has asked for a Belle dress as a future gift so that she can ‘look and act just like my mama!’ Which made me supremely delighted.

And now, I’m going to go bake some zucchini bread. And brainstorm my next book. 😎 Because I think some people could really benefit from hearing that people with a terribly painful backstory can still snort milk out through their nose in delight at a funny joke. It just takes some time to get to that point.

[bowtiepastabitch]

.

I'm genuinely having such a moment. I saw one of those posts, really well meaning just a "I was backpacking in europe exploring all these cool cities for ten hours a day last year and now I'm disabled and can't get out of bed" and I'm just.... really sad. I never got to go backpacking in europe or explore cities and ruins on foot or anything I just skipped straight to disabled and can't get out of bed. I worked part time and then I worked full time and then I started uni and got disabled (but I'm still working because what other choice do I have). I've never left the north american continent, and the sicker I get the more expensive it gets to potentially do so because doing it cheap means doing it inaccessible. I got exhausted from walking around a grocery store today. Half my friends on instagram are in fucking Europe right now, spain or france or italy or whatever the fuck having a great time. One of the kids at the place where I teach is going on a two week london/paris vacation later this month and she's in fucking middle school. Meanwhile, I'm getting paid 8/hr to teach math and algebra and precal for parents who can afford to send their kid to a fancy tutoring center and even though I only work a couple hours a day I spend the rest of it resting and laying down and barely having the energy to scroll my tumblr dash most days. I'm so fucking tired. I pay money for doctors to tell me things I already know but if I don't then I can't prove I deserve my accommodations and even if I do I still feel like I'm fucking faking it to be lazy. I know the "1 in 3 adults in the united states has this that or the other" is supposed to make me feel less alone but instead it just makes me feel like I'm exaggerating and should be able to at least keep up with a good chunk of people my age but I just fucking can't. I can't do this. Maybe if I was fucking middle class and didn't have to work to live or if I was able bodied and could work a normal job, or if I had rich parents and could do the things I wanted without having to struggle for them things would be different but I have fought so. fucking. hard. for everything I have. I'm alive because of the work I put in to pull myself back from the edge over. and over. learning to keep myself alive until I could learn to want to be alive. working my fucking ass off to get into a good uni with a good scholarship far away from home so I could move out of my abusive household and get a good education. I've worked so fucking hard for every single thing in my life and now my body won't even cooperate and let me enjoy it and I'm so fucking exhausted. My memory's not working very well and my body gives up on moving from the couch half the time and I've got vague all over pain that never quite goes away and I can't sleep and I can't wake up and I can't talk to people without being awkward and weird and I can't save up my money and fly to europe. And because I made myself so sick in high school I've got a horrible nagging fear that it's somehow my fault in some way which is honestly maybe a worse explanation than "I'm being a whiny baby about things that a lot of people have dealt with better" and it fucking sucks. Plus I'm living with my parents for the summer because every single thing I applied to for the summer rejected me, so my mental health is wonky and I've got all kinds of little trauma things popping up from time to time but also they're getting better about some things sometimes so I feel immensely guilty to complain about them. And also they're helping pay my medical, even if it is coming out of the rent I paid to them during my medically necessitated gap year. So I again feel guilty bitching about them too much. And my car doesn't work anymore so I have to borrow or ask for a ride anytime I want to go somewhere and I don't have any close friends that live near me anymore anyway. And it doesn't matter because I'm fucking disabled and I can't do cool fun adventure shit and I can't find the energy for big creative projects and I can't fly to europe.

[thelewdpokemanik]

Miu iruma, junko enoshima, or Kaede Akamatsu .

Which one is the most fitting of the "ultimate bimbo" according to makoto ?

Thank you @cowedeacumootsu for both the ask and the images! Love Love <3

"Ah well, I think it depends on what you're looking for in a bimbo, right? For example, Junko's got the style down pat."

"The make-up, the clothes, the hair, she's not the Ultimate Fashionista for nothing. I know she's always wearing that thick lipstick just to leave rings around my cock. But that's also a big flaw of hers for some people I would think. Very much a free thinker, forward planner, and go-getter kinda girl. Can't say I don't see the good in that myself, but some people think a good bimbo should be an obedient one, and I can understand that too.

Can't count the number of times my plans were waylaid because Junko ambushed me in a hallway, or was waiting for me in my dorm room.

If you prefer your bimbos more docile, then you'd probably prefer Miu."

"That girl won't be trying anything, and if she does, she'll fold if you so much as raise your voice at her. Manhandle her for a bit, and she'll melt. Give her a good spanking, and you'll have a love-struck slave on your hands for the next few hours.

I learned how to handle her the hard way if you will. Miu was a tease and a bitch when I first met her, or she was acting like one at least. She kept pushing me and pushing me, until I finally gave her what she was asking for.

A few hours later, Miu had learned that teasing me meant me being horny and that I wouldn't hesitate to put the slut in her place to satisfy myself.

That doesn't mean she doesn't still try, but we both know she's simply trying to rile me up to fuck her. And if I don't feel like it, or am busy with another slut, simply telling her to 'go masturbate in a corner' will have the blonde scampering to obey me.

But another issue that both those girls have is that I think they fail to be bimbos on a more base level. Oh, they might look and act like bimbos, but they don't think like one.

Both Junko and Miu are Ultimates. They may act like bimbos, or dress like one, but they will always be their Ultimate before anything else.

That’s probably why I would personally say Kaede’s the best bimbo.

When Kaede first entered this school, she was scouted as the Ultimate Pianist. She was known pretty widely as the Piano Freak, a girl who would regularly play until she passed out, either from lack of sleep, or hydration.

But the moment I saw her, I saw something special

With her determined attitude, her single-minded passion, and the way her tits strained against her sweater, I saw a girl who wasn’t operating at her full potential. And as her Senpai, I decided I had to help her out. Give her proper guidance, if you will.

A few hours later, Kaede was drowning in my cum, and her brain was like wet clay, ready to learn at my feet.

Later that same day, Kaede was walking into the headmaster’s office, begging him to let her change her talent to train and become the Ultimate Bimbo.

It’s been a few months now, and I’m pretty sure Kaede couldn’t care less about piano, unless you were talking about fucking her atop one. The only thing she cares about nowadays is cock and cum and sex. She’s been making good use of Hope’s Peak’s facilities to train both her body and mind to become a proper sex toy every day since we first met.

And, well, the results speak for themselves, don’t they?"

"Like I said, the girl’s driven. She knows what she wants, and she wants to do it until she physically cannot anymore.

Problem is, not just anyone can handle the new Ultimate Bimbo. Once, she invited her whole class, boys and girls, to an orgy, where she fucked all of them into the ground. Thankfully, the Ultimate Nurse was on site, or Hope’s Peak might’ve been in trouble with all the broken pelvises and dehydrated students.

Even luckier, I was close by to fuck the cow into unconsciousness before she could attack the nurse.

Though the experience did nothing to slow down Kaede’s training. If nothing else, the school was even more invested in seeing just how far she could push herself, and, well, now they also had a boy to keep her in check.

Can’t say if I really deserved the title of Ultimate Stud after that incident, but most everyone agreed, so I didn’t try and resist when they gave it to me. I think it’s mostly honorific until I actually begin making use of the training Hope’s Peak has offered me, though I don’t see much of a reason to do so.

I also didn’t protest when they moved Kaede to my room, for me to fuck into a babbling mess every night, lest she sneak into some unsuspecting victims’ room for the night.

And I can’t deny that Kaede deserves to be called the Ultimate Bimbo either. Usually, I have to go through two, maybe three, sometimes four girls before calming down enough to put my pants back on, but Kaede isn’t afraid to match me thrust for thrust.

By the time I fuck her to exhaustion, I’m feeling pretty winded myself. Not ‘tired’, of course, but still. Enough that some of the other girls are starting to feel backed up themselves now that I no longer need to go through half the student body every week.

All of them, Kaede included, whenever she’s coherent enough to speak actual words, have been asking me to go through the Ultimate Stud training Hope’s Peak is looking into. I haven’t been too interested, to be honest; I’m fine as I am, and while sex is fun, and great exercise, my libido is more of an issue than anything else.

But, I can’t deny that I might have to. After destroying all the girls of Hope’s Peak, it wouldn’t do to not take responsibility, and train until I could actually satisfy them all, even as Kaede’s own training allows her to keep going for longer and longer.

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think it’s a good idea; I need to make sure I can both satisfy the Ultimate Bimbo and all the other Ultimate sluts that are begging for my cock.

And, well, Ultimate Stud is probably better than Ultimate Lucky Student, right? Can’t deny that the benefits are a lot better, at least."

[anonymouse1312437]

American Amongst The Brits Chapter 7

Readers POV 

“Then why do I feel like it happens often?” I asked.  

“ I am unsure. However, I think it is time to get you to class. I think you still have time to catch the tail end of your first period.” Professor Lupin said.  

“Do I have to go?” I asked him.  

“Yes, I am afraid so.” Lupin said and Sirius laughed.  

Both the men walked me to my first period and gave the excuse that they needed me and apologized.  I am grateful that they stuck up for me today and gave me an excuse as to why I missed this lesson. I hope it wasn’t horribly important. In every class I felt myself getting harder and harder on myself. I did not want to be in a classroom anymore. At lunch I kept my head down and didn’t sit with anyone. I didn’t look over to the Professor’s tables. I have avoided talking to Draco all day and I don’t think he has noticed, which is both nice and annoying. I really shouldn’t be here. I finally made it to the last class of the day, and it was Potions. Apparently, Snape taught two classes. The is annoying. I sleep across the hall from the man and he is almost anywhere I look and that includes my dreams. He is haunting me. I can’t escape him. I sat towards the back of the class away from him and hopefully in a dark enough corner that he wouldn’t notice me.   No one else has noticed me so I don’t think it will be a big enough issue. I don’t think he is even going to address me. I wouldn’t. I would act like I wasn’t here just like most of the students. I am just the dumb American that ended up here.  

“Ms. Y/l/n, what is the consequence of having too many ingredients for Draught of Peace?” Snape asked and caught me off guard. Son of a bitch.  

“If there are too many ingredients whoever drinks the potion can fall into a deep sleep and sometimes that is irreversible.” I mumbled.  

“Speak up.” He said.  

“I said, if there is too many ingredients then whoever drinks it can fall into a deep sleep and that is sometimes irreversible.” I said and rolled my eyes. What is wrong with me? 

“What is the purpose of the potion?” Snape asked. He kept his voice monotone.  

“It is to relieve anxiety and agitation.” I said loud and clear so he didn’t ask me to repeat myself.  

“In other words when someone has thoughts about people not liking them and it is in their own head is this something the person should have?” He questioned. Is he talking to me again? Why does it seem like he is picking on me.  

“Ms. Y/l/n?” Snape said. He is asking me again. I wish he would leave me alone right now.  

“Yes, I suppose.” I said and looked down at my hands.  

“What is the Girding potion?” He said making his way towards the row of table I was sitting at.  

“I believe it is to help with endurance.” I said. Please leave me alone.  

“Why would someone take it?” He asked.  

“I said it helps with endurance.” I repeated.  

“Examples Ms. Y/l/n.” He glared at me.  

“I uh-” I started to try and gather my thoughts but heard him scoff.  

“Very well.” He said and turned his back to me.  

“Running, swimming, sex as endurance can also mean stamina to some. Thats to name a few.” I said and again peered down at my hands.  

“Okay.” He said and the rest of the students looked at me and giggled to themselves. Draco, Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at me and smiled.  

Please stop trying to embarrass me. There is no reason to embarrass me.  

“Healing potion?” Snape said. Who is he talking to now? 

“Ms. Y/l/n" He said. You have got to be fucking kidding me.  

“It is in the name Professor Snape.” I said and rolled my eyes.  

“I asked you a question.” He said.  

“Really because all I heard was you telling the class a name of another potion. Which one are we learning today Professor? Are you having trouble making up your mind?” I said with a hint of aggression to my words. He snapped around and finally our eyes met. Leave me alone. I don’t like when anyone tries to make an example of me.  

“Answer me.” He said.  

“It’s to heal someone. For crying out loud is there a reason you asked me such a childish question? Can’t you pick on someone else? Making up for a time you didn’t know me? Three years of a missed opportunity or something?” I said irritably.  

“Is there a problem?” Snape’s face turned into more of a glare.  

“Stop calling on me. Do not attempt to make an example of me. Use someone else if that is what you are trying to do.” I said.  

“Excuse me?” His voice became deeper.  

“You heard me.” I said and grabbed my bag. I got up from the chair I was sitting on.  

“Where do you think you are going?” Snape questioned with irritation coming through his voice as it got louder.  

“Class dismissed.” I said and walked out as the bell rang. I heard Draco and Harry and his group gasp at what they witnessed amongst the others now whispering to each other as they left.  

Why did he do that? Why was he focusing on me? There was no need to be so focused on trying to make a fool of me. I am just going to go to my room and lock myself away for the night. I don’t need this crap. No way in hell did I need this crap. Screw him. Honestly that might help the both of us if that happened. Maybe the broom up his ass would loosen up and he wouldn’t look so pissed and unpleasant all the time. Maybe he might even ease up on everyone. Or if he wants to harass me the least he could do is do it the right way. I was barely a foot away from the door when I heard someone behind me. I tried to ignore it as I unmasked my door and stepped inside. I felt someone push me into the room while mumbling something under their breath.  

“What the fuck?” I asked. I felt a hand cover my mouth and it was a large thick hand. I looked at the hand before I looked up at his eyes. The dark beautiful eyes. I can’t think straight. I haven’t even been here for more than a couple of days and I feel like he is going to be the death of me.  

“I don’t like to be made a fool in front of my class.” Snape said. His nose was practically touching mine. I was melting into a puddle from his eyes and he didn’t pull his off mine. Melt please. Melt with me.  

“Don’t ever pull that stunt again. No one walks away from me.” He growled out. I can’t even say anything with his hand firmly pressed against my mouth. Please, let my mouth go. I want to tell you everything. Please let me help you melt with me. He is so handsome. The brown and now black eyes. The big nose. The thin lips. So incredibly handsome. He smells nice as well. Almost like a harsh cedarwood. It reminded me of the forest almost. He has a hint of an alpine smell as well. I want to bury my nose in his neck.  

“Stop it.” Snape said. What? I am not doing anything.  

“I said stop it.” He said again. I looked at him and tried to figure out what he was talking about.  

“You are too loud. It is getting hard to ignore you.” Snape said. What does he mean?  

“I can hear everything.” he said and looked down at his hand covering my mouth. He slowly took it off and ran his thumb across my bottom lip while he looked at it. Melt for me Snape. I want you. I want you to do this with me. Give me a chance. Melt into me please.  

“Stop thinking that.” Snape said. It makes sense now. From the moment I begged him to leave me alone in his class he pressed on. Does that mean he heard my thoughts about him?  

“Yes I heard every painful detail of what you think of me.” He said against my mouth. I tried to lean forward to put my lips against his but he pulled away.  

“Please.” I said. He turned around to make sure he was not facing me.  

“What?” He asked.  

“Please then. Let me try.” I said. He turned back around to face me.  

“I can’t. It is inappropriate.” Snape said.  

“No one has to know.” I said.  

“I would know.” Snape said. I tried to reach for him, but he quickly left me behind. He left my room and left me standing there alone. Great he rejected me. That is not what I expected. I figured I would have had him half undressed and I would be on my knees by now but instead I am sitting here embarrassed of what I have just done. He could make a mockery of me if he wanted to. Have a good laugh with people.  

I heard some knocking on my door. I walked over to it and opened it to see Lucius.  

“Well hello dear. Are you avoiding me?” He asked. I huffed and closed the door in his face. I don’t want to deal with this today.  

“Could have said something rather than just slamming the door in my face.” Lucius hollered. I opened the door again.  

“I had a rough day. I am in no mood for anything right now.” I said. He put a finger to my lips and pushed me back into the room. He closed the door behind him and locked it. He put a silencing spell on it so no one could hear anything from the room.  

“Then tell me about it.” He said and pushed some of my hair out of my face.  

“I don’t want to talk about it Mr. Malfoy.” I said.  

“It’s Lucius dear. You can call me Lucius.” He said and gave me a small smile. I want a hug. I am craving to be touched in some way.  

“Come here darling.” He said and reached his hand out. I rested my hand in his and he pulled me into his arms. He hugged me and then backed me into my bed causing us both to fall back.  

“I don’t want to do that tonight.” I said.  

“I don’t either. I just want you to know I am here. Let’s just lay down. We don’t have to talk. You don’t have to tell me if you do not want to. Just let me hold you.” He said. I swooned a little at his words. I laid my head on his chest and hugged him.  

“Thank you Lucius.” I said and he smiled at me.  

“Your smile is beautiful.” I said.  

“Thank you love.” He said and hugged me tighter. I felt him squeeze onto me. It was almost like he needed the hug just as much as I did.  

“Is there something going on with you that you would like to talk about?” I asked hoping he would open up a little to me.  

“Nothing you need to worry about.” He said and sighed. I felt his breathe on the top of my head and I nuzzled further into him. You know maybe he could take my mind off what happened today.  

I mean what would the harm be in getting him to bed me again? I don’t have a problem with doing this anymore. It is not like Snape wanted me. I could always indulge in having some adult fun. Lucius seems to be willing to give me the attention I want.  

“Sir, maybe we could have some fun.” I said and slid my hand down his chest.  

“Oh really? What changed your mind?” Lucius asked.  

“I just really like having your attention I suppose.” I said and looked up to him. He looked down at me and I could see something behind his eyes. Something that let me know he truly was not in the mood to do anything like that in this moment.  

“I would never say no to it.” He said but, again I could see it in his eyes he really was not in the mood to do it.  

“It’s okay. I can see you do not want to. You can tell me no Lucius. It won’t hurt my feelings. I just like having you here.” I said and rested my head on his chest. I pulled away and pulled myself to a seated position and before he could try and move I pushed him down so his head was on my lap. I started to run my fingers through his hair and felt him adjust on me.  

“You don’t have to do that.” He said.  

“Don’t. I want to.” I said. “As well as if you want to talk about it then I will listen but, if not then I understand.” I said. I felt his body relax onto mine and felt his arms snake around my legs as he continued to lay his head on my lap.  

“Thank you.” He said. 

~Lucius POV~ 

She is caring for me. I haven’t had the experience of someone really caring for me. Narcissa won’t do this for me. Ever since Bellatrix came back, she really refuses to be around me. Draco doesn’t much care for me. Something tells me that has to deal with Bellatrix as well. I wasn’t wanted around the house tonight, so I came back here. I wasn’t planning on seeing her tonight but, I just felt the pull towards her room. I knew she would be in here but, what I didn’t expect was seeing Severus come out of her room. Thankfully he didn’t see me, but I am a bit broken. I thought she was merely only interested in me. Have they had sex as well? I don’t really care to share.  

“May I ask you something?” I asked her.  

“Of course.” She said.  

“Did you sleep with Severus?” I asked. I don’t want to pry but, I do want to know if I have to share her.  

“No, I did not sleep with Snape.” She said. I felt a bit of pride at the answer.  

“Okay. I just thought maybe something had happened because I saw him come out of your room.” I said. What is happening? Why am I opening up to her? Has she hexed me, and I haven’t noticed? 

“No, he came to tell me that I was attempting to make a mockery of him in his class and he did not appreciate it.” She said. I sat up and looked at her.  

“How did you go about that?” I asked a little shocked.  

“He kept picking on me to answer questions. It was rather irritating so with the answers I kind of bit back and then stood to leave after he tried to make an example of me. It timed well because I mentioned class was dismissed and then a moment after I walked out the bell chimed.” She said. I laughed a bit. She has a fire in her.  

“Be careful taunting him darling. He is a bit dangerous.” I said. I hope she listens to me on that. “Do you know about the other night?” I asked now putting my head back into her lap. She resumed playing with my hair and I closed my eyes to enjoy her caring for me.  

“No what are you talking about? What happened?” She asked.  

“You woke up, or at least it looked like you had woken up and made your way outside barefoot. You sat in front of a normally dangerous tree and when it came down to you and you touched it you caused it to bloom.” I said.  

“That happens. I think it happens when I feel stressed out. I have caused seasons to change by accident in America. I prefer to look at the green plant life. Alive and healthy plants bring me peace. Maybe it happened because the only peace I see here merely terrifies me.” She said. This has happened before?  

“Do you have any idea as to why?” I asked. I want her to discover her bloodline but, I am not allowed to tell her.  It could cause a bigger issue. With Voldemort around still it means if he can feel it and she knows it that everyone here could be in danger.  

“I have gotten into what is considered green magic over there. Something focused on plant life. It is called differently here but, I still prefer to call it green magic.” She said. Well that is a silly thing. She can’t really believe that is all she is doing. If she has changed an entire season by accident I can’t imagine what else she can do. If I do not sit up I am going to fall asleep with her petting my head.  

“Darling, you are going to put me to sleep.” I said.  

“Get some rest Lucius. You look exhausted.” She said. She was inviting me to sleep here. Does she really want my presence that long? I am not used to that. Surely she does not mean that. No one means that when it comes to me. No one cares that much for me.  

“You are overthinking dear. I can practically hear you. Just relax and get some rest.” She said to me. I slightly hummed at the words she just said and closed my eyes and just enjoyed her presence.  

ºSeverus, I think she cares for me. She is petting my head and playing with my hair and now is letting me rest on her. I think I am enjoying her more than I thought I would. I don’t know why I ended up here but, I am glad. If you had any chance you won’t now. I don’t want to give this up. I will fight for her attention going forward. I know how you feel for her already.~ 

I slipped into a dream about what would happen if something happened to this young woman.  

~Readers POV~ 

Lucius finally fell asleep against me. It was nice to hear the tiny snores escaping him. I leaned my back against the wall and continued to pet his head. I raked my fingers through his hair and continued to play with it. His hair was rather soft. Something I really enjoy about him. I didn’t think I would enjoy this long of hair on someone but, it works for him. I wish I had him get comfortable before falling asleep. He looks like he will over heat in what he is wearing. Maybe I could help him a little bit. I grabbed my wand and said a spell that removed and folded his clothes outside of his briefs. He looked rather toned compared to the little amount of time that I had to view him last night. I noticed that on his back he had some scars and then I noticed a tattoo on his arm. Really I believe that is on his wrist and forearm but it is a nice tatoo. I would get one like that myself but,I do not knot how they feel about students getting markings here. I know back home they wouldn’t mind but the customs here are so different. I wander if I should ask him where he got it once he wakes.  

Lucius started to toss and turn on me and his face started to contort in a sad expression. What is going on in his head? What has got him so bothered? Should I wake him? I started to rub his back and it seems to have worked some what. He is no longer tossing and turning. He peered up at me and when his eyes met mine I could see pain and sadness within them. It was quickly replaced with a stone expression.  

“Where are my clothes?” He asked. I blushed a little bit at his question.  

“I am sorry. I was worried you were not going to be comfortable so I may have said a spell that removed them and folded them. They are just on the table next to the bed. Sorry for crossing a line.” I said and looked down. His hand touched my cheek and he smiled slightly at me.  

“It’s okay darling. Thank you for thinking of my comfort. Maybe I should go and give you some space for the night.”Lucius said. I don’t want him to leave.  

“Please don’t.” I said. He looked at me and took his hand off of my cheek and sat up so his head was no longer on my lap.  

“It would not be appropriate to stay.” He said.  

“So? Who else would know outside of you and I?” I asked.  

“I suppose you are right.” He said and got off the bed. He pulled his wand from his cane and pointed it at the bed. The once twin size bed stretched a bit and became a queen sized bed with fitting sheets.  

“Can’t be uncomfortable with you next to me darling.” He said and I smiled. He is very handsome. I pulled the sheets back for the both of us and tucked myself under it and put one of the pillows on the other side of the bed. He got in next to me but he did not close any gaps between us. Alright he is going to make me do it. Fine. I moved closer to him and put my head on his arm and looked up at him.  

“Is this okay?” I asked. He nodded his head although looking startled a little he smiled. I ran my fingers through his hair again and slowly moved my hand to caress his cheek.  

“You are incredibly handsome Lucius.” I said and he smiled and pressed his cheek further into my hand.  

“I am not going to want to leave if you keep this up.” He said and I smiled.  

“I won’t ask you to leave Lucius. That will be something you will have to do on your own. I rather enjoy your company.” I said. He smiled and rested his hand on the hand that was on his cheek.  

“You are beautiful.” He said and I blushed at his words. Snape did not want me and I did not want to be alone. Lucius is willing to give me the attention I want so then so be it. I want the attention. He is at least being kind to me.  

“Lucius, do you know whether or not this school allows tattoos?” I asked.  

“Not really. I mean I know a few people here with them. Why were you wanting one?” He asked.  

“Yes, I want a couple but, seeing yours I think I like how it looks. I could see getting something like that.” I smiled and he frowned.  

“Darling, maybe you should think on that. I chose to get this tattoo and it has destroyed my life. I don’t want to get into the details right now but, maybe some day I will tell you about it.” Lucius said to me.   

“Okay. That is understandable.” I said. He smiled and removed his hand off of mine and I pulled my hand off of his cheek. I ran it along his chest and smiled. Until I saw some more scars.  

“Don’t worry. Those are there for a reason. I survived some hard things.” Lucius said and I nodded. I looked up and noticed he started to close his eyes. I followed suit and closed mine. I moved my head onto his chest and listened to his heart beating. It sounded so musical some how.  

ºSNAPES POVº 

What the hell. Why is she doing this. Her thoughts are so loud. Someone is in her room with her. It is a male. Seeing how other than the other teachers the only other person that knows where her room is, is Lucius I know it is him. That prick taunting me even from his mind. Letting me know that I have missed my opportunity with her. I don’t want it. She would ruin things for me. She is a student here. Just relax. Get some rest tomorrow is a new day. I will make her pay for what she is doing to me. She has no idea what I can do to make her hate it here.  

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Dragon Reborn! Chapter 34: A Different Dance

As always, I shamelessly spoil anything and everything in these posts so you really shouldn't read them unless you're up for that.

We continue with the Wheel icon as Perrin's personal destiny takes shape.

He was too busy wondering if the black-haired girl knew what yellow eyes meant.

Perrin's paranoia about this is quite cute. Yes, Perrin, the gal was checking you out from across the room because of your hard-to-notice-at-that-distance eye color and not because you're a strapping young lad. Wish Mat and Rand were here, why don't you?

“There is another false Dragon, innkeeper? In Ghealdan?” The hood of her cloak still hid her face, but she sounded shaken to her toes.

Moiraine has clearly figured out through her spy network that Taim and the other guy fell almost immediately after Rand's proclamation, so the idea of another false Dragon is very scary. It would mean that Rand isn't the real deal at all.

“I only know what I hear, Master Andra. ’Tis said the fellow has a stare can pin you where you stand, and he talks all sorts of rubbish about the Dragon coming to save us, and we all have to follow, and even the beasts will fight for the Dragon. I don’t know whether they’ve arrested him yet or not. ’Tis likely; the Ghealdanin would not put up long with that kind of talk.”

It's great how the plotline of doom haunts us even in these early books. Moiraine and Lan would have done the world quite a favor if they'd just knifed Masema in his sleep.

“Only with those who displease her,” Lan said blandly. “Her bite is far worse than her bark.”

Talking blandly instead of darkly or outright growling is how you know Lan is downright jubilant.

Perrin, you will not believe it! My bed is sung wood! Why, it must be well over a thousand years old. No Treesinger has sung a piece so large in at least that long. I myself would not care to try it, and I have the talent more strongly than most, now.

I really want to know what's led to the mega-decline of the Ogier. It makes sense that between the Breaking and the Longing they can't do everything they used to, it isn't unreasonable that they can't build cities of old anymore because they're not being asked to do, just maintain them, but humanity lost its gifts because of the Taint. There's not really an Ogier equivalent, and a lot done to preserve the Ogier way of life. Did they just burn through all the real old-growth trees?

It was no use telling himself the adults would certainly have told him to go on about his business, that he was a stranger in Remen and the Aiel was none of his concern.

There we go Perrin, there's some sensible thinking. You just bitched that reality can't be the way it is because it wouldn't be just and *you* cared more than that. So whatcha gonna do?

No answers came to him, so he went back to the beginning and patiently worked through it once more, then again, and again. Still he found nothing except regret for what he had not done.

Dear lord why do I do this at work when I can't drink away the pain?

Moiraine pulled the pale blue robe that hung from her shoulders around herself. “You wish something?” she asked coolly.

Poor Moiraine, the one time Perrin comes to her of his own free will it's with so little respect that she can't help but go "Please get the fuck out while I'm changing."

“I could almost suspect he had learned to Travel,” Moiraine said with a small frown, “except that if he had, he would have gone straight to Tear. No, he has the blood of long walkers and strong runners in him. But we may take the river anyway. If I cannot catch him, I will be in Tear close behind him. Or waiting for him.”

Moiraine's a great bullshitter when she doesn't have an answer. Rand might be running off Aiel energy (you'd half-expect someone in-setting to claim they have extra leg muscles what with history always repeating itself), but he's also not stopping to sleep anywhere near as much as the main party, which buys him a lot of extra hours on net.

She could not help with Min’s viewing, not beyond telling him what he already knew, that it was important. And he did not want to tell her what Min had seen. Or that Min had seen anything, for that matter.

Ironically, if Perrin had said, "Min told me an Aielman in a cage is important to me, I'm gonna go rescue him," Moiraine probably would have sent Lan with him. Purely because of the Min aspect of things, of course; if Perrin ever had ideas of his own that weren't Pattern-approved Moiraine would instead have Lan tie him to a horse or four. I lament a lot of the lack of communication between our good guys but and I diss Perrin's intellect way more often than I thought I'd be doing but our boy is 100% not wrong not to want to trust her here, even though he also is very much wrong.

The common room was full as it could be, with every chair taken, and stools and benches brought in, and those who had nowhere to sit standing along the walls.

Lord Orban might not be a Gleeman, but he does have a very recent war story to share, so it checks out that everyone is desperate to hear more.

He felt a little ashamed; just because he did not like the man was no reason to suppose the Hunter would take his boasting that far.

Dammit Perrin, your gut is so rarely right you should go with it when it is.

He still had the feel of being watched, but he still saw nothing. He listened, and heard nothing. He smelled chimney smoke and cooking from the houses, and man-sweat and old blood from the man in the cage. There was no fear scent from him.

It's destiny watching Perrin, or maybe the shadow. Also it's funny, I think I've seen "man-sweat" a couple of times and it's an odd thing to specify since most (all?) animals don't sweat and no one would assume Gaul had "woman-sweat". Perhaps the wolfs are rubbing off on Perrin more than he wants to acknowledge.

“You are strong, wetlander.” The Aiel did not move beyond working his shoulders. “It took three men to hoist me up there. And now you bring me down. Why?”

Perrin is an exceptional guy in so many ways that he keeps forgetting about the different ways someone might think him exceptional as he tries to cover up the big ones.

I am Gaul, of the Imran sept of the Shaarad Aiel, wetlander. I am Shae’en M’taal, a Stone Dog.

Hi Gaul! Sadly we don't learn much about the Imran sept or where in the Waste it might be, though it's probably close to the Dragonwall because the Shaarad are one of the four clans that fought the Aiel War. The Stone Dogs are an odd society for the scouting going on at present though - they're really more the rear guard of the Aiel forces.

“Well, I am Perrin Aybara. Of the Two Rivers. I’m a blacksmith.”

Perrin's upset that he has servant's quarters and has no idea that he's just introduced himself to someone who considers his profession borderline sacred.

“Three days ago, I watched a girl sporting in a huge pool of water. It must have been twenty paces across. She . . . pulled herself out into it.” He made an awkward swimming gesture with one hand.

You'd think that the Aiel War and the river crossings necessary to wage it would have made the Aiel a little less frightened of water, but here we are.

“It is too late to run,” Gaul said, and a deep voice shouted, “The savage is lose!”

Perrin, why don't your super senses ever do anything useful? Gaul should not have known these guys were here before you!

For an instant they were caught by surprise, but an instant was apparently all the Aiel needed. He kicked the sword out of the grip of the first to reach him, then his stiffened hand struck like a dagger at the Whitecloak’s throat, and he slid around the soldier as he fell. The next man’s arm made a loud snap as Gaul broke it. He pushed that man under the feet of a third, and kicked a fourth in the face.

The real secret of Aiel combat is that their intense dedication to honor means that anyone else who might be fighting them has to be doing so in a dishonorable enough way to qualify as a ninja, and once you're a ninja, the law of inverse ninjitsu is as much a part of the Pattren as gravity.

Perrin had only an amazed moment himself, for not all the Whitecloaks had put their attentions on the Aiel. Barely in time, he gripped the axe haft with both hands to block a sword thrust, swung . . . and wanted to cry out as the half-moon blade tore the man’s throat.

Perrin could really do with a therapist, huh? Dude doesn't like violence even though he's really, really good at it.

Some of the men groaned; others lay silent and still. Gaul stood among them, still veiled, still empty-handed. Most of the men down were his work. Perrin wished they all were, and felt ashamed.

One wonders if ANY of the unconscious are among Perrin's victims or if it's just the dead.

Sarien and I were careless, being so long in these soft lands, and the wind was from the wrong direction, so we smelled nothing. We walked into them before we knew it. Well, Sarien is dead, and I was caged like a fool, so perhaps we paid enough.

Frankly I'm still surprised they managed to kill even one Aiel, the hunters being the losers they are. Musta been Faile's work somehow.

Perrin started to run, too, then realized he had a bloody axe in his hands.

I'm glad that Perrin is just barely smart enough to remember not to run with scissors. It's a low bar, but an important one.

“Is this your work, blacksmith? The Light burn me! Is there anyone who can connect it to you?”

Lan really thought that with Rand on the loose and Mat about as far away as possible that he wouldn't have anywhere near the level of headaches he did back in book one and Perrin just outdid every single one of Mat's shenanigans in the space of half an hour.

I saw a girl running, but I thought. . . .

No, I really wanna know what your first instinct to "girl running away from Perrin" is, Lan. But since I'll never get an answer, my headcanon is that he assumes Perrin tried to flirt with her and that was more than enough to scare her.

Next time: Faile joins the party!

[t800-uncle-bob]

incorrect quotes

so for some reason a while back I decided to do a incorrect quote generator with Terminator characters and now I want to share some of the ones I saved

Carl: Do we have any orange juice left? Sarah: *pours the remaining juice into their cup* Sarah: Sorry, we’re all out.

Grace: We're having a baby. Carl: Oh, congradu- Dani, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

Carl: Sarah isn’t answering my messages. Dani: Allow me. Carl: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi- Sarah: *replying to message* Hello.

Carl: That’s illegal, right? Sarah: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop? Carl: No- Sarah: Then shut the fuck up.

Dani: *running towards Carl with open arms* Carl: *moves out of the way* Dani: Hey, why'd you move?! Carl: I thought you were going to attack me. Dani: I was going to hug you! Carl: Why would you hug me? Dani: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

Carl: Who hurt you? Dani: *snorting* What, do you want a list? Carl: ...Yes, actually.

Sarah: Where are my fucking keys? Carl: Sarah, Dani is around, can you say it a little nicer? Sarah: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

Carl: What is the one thing I told you not to do? Dani: Burn the house down. Carl: And what did you do? Dani: I made dinner. Carl:... Dani:... Carl:.... Dani: And burnt the house down.

Kyle : What the hell were you thinking? Pops: I heard releasing birds at a wedding is romantic! Kyle : You released OSTRICHES!

Pops: You need to be more careful! Kyle , who was dragged into Pops's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

Kyle , reading a recipe: Beat three eggs? Pops: It means like in hand-to-hand combat. Kyle : Ohhhh- Sarah : Both of you get out of this kitchen.

Pops: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning! Sarah : I'll hate my self in the morning regardless.

Computer: Please enter a password. Sarah : *types in Pops* Computer: Your password is too weak. Sarah : How fucking DARE YOU-

(I will add more later but it's almost 2am and I'm at my wits end)

Edit:

Sarah : Seriously, Pops, how many people would you have killed if we’d asked you to? Pops: That’s not important Sarah : I DISAGREE.

John: Uncle bob is a perfect cinnamon scone who’s never done anything wrong in their entire life! Sarah : Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE!

John: I am going to cry. I’m going to cry until I can no longer physically cry anymore because all the water in my body is gone and I die from dehydration. Uncle bob: Are you okay? Sarah : Did you actually just ask them that? Like, you need that to be answered otherwise you won’t know?

Sarah : Uncle bob, if you don't shut up I'm going to throw myself out of the car. *click* Sarah : DID YOU JUST TURN THE FUCKING CHILDRENS' LOCK ON?!

Rev-9: Oh no! I’m doomed! Grace: Seriously? All you have to do is not insult Carl at their own memorial service. Rev-9: Exactly! It’s impossible!

Uncle bob: I am going to need you to swear- John : Fuck. Uncle bob:... Uncle bob: ...swear as in promise.

John : What? I'm not aggressive! Uncle bob: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips? John : Survival of the fittest, bitch.

John : The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog… Uncle bob: What’s updog? John : Sarah! Get in here, I told you I could do it

Uncle bob: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! John : At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. Uncle bob: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? John : Somehow that's worse.

Sarah: John , I know you love Uncle bob. I mean, we all do, they’re a very nice person and I respect them immensely. Sarah: But I think they might be a fucking idiot.

Uncle bob: Last night I found out John is a sleep talker. Sarah: Oh, really? Uncle bob: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

John : If I were a drink, I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke. If you were a drink, what would you be? Uncle bob: Bleach. Sarah: Sewage. John : ...Please calm down, edgelords.

Sarah: If a demon possessed me, I’d just be like, “Okay, take it from here, good luck man.”

Sarah: Why would you give a knife to John ?! Uncle bob, shrugging: John felt unsafe. Sarah: Now I feel unsafe! Uncle bob: I’m sorry… Uncle bob: Would you like a knife?

John : Who the fuck- Uncle bob: Language! John : Whom the fuck- Uncle bob: No.

John : Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container. Uncle bob: The cow?? John : What? Sarah: Uncle bob, W H Y?

Sarah, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.

[howlofhades]

Barks, Storm, and Glowstick shenanigans

@canonically-a-genloser

Glowstick: What type of dog is this?

Barks: That’s a tortoise.

-

Glowstick: I am an expert at identifying birds.

Barks: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?

Glowstick: Yeah, they're all birds.

-

Barks: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.

Glowstick: ...We're on the ground floor.

Barks: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

-

Glowstick: Is… Is that meant to be on fire?

Barks: No… not really.

Glowstick: Are you going to do something about it?

Barks: Hm… nah.

-

Glowstick: Barks, you’re such a genius!

Barks: Yes, I know.

-

Barks: If you think I’m playing favorites, you’re wrong. I love all of you equally!

Barks, earlier: I don’t care for Glowstick.

-

Glowstick: Are you this rude to everyone?!

Barks: Yup.

Barks: Don't think you're special.

-

Glowstick: What do you do for a living?

Barks: I exist against my will.

-

Barks: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done.

Glowstick: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real.

Barks: They're not.

Glowstick: Haha, very funny.

Barks: I'm serious. Didn't you hear?

Glowstick: No... what happened?

Barks: ...Why would you fall for this again-

-

Glowstick: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.

Barks: What changed your mind?

Glowstick: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

-

Glowstick: Here is my wall of inspirational people.

Barks: Is that a picture of you?

Glowstick: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

-

Barks: Glowstick, where’s your report card?

Glowstick: My friends stole it from me at school, so now I don’t have it anymore.

Barks: Do you think I’m stupid enough to believe that lie?

Glowstick: What lie?

Barks: That you have friends.

-

Barks: I believe in you, Glowstick!

Glowstick, to themself: God, I must suck. The nicest thing Barks can think to say to me is that they don’t doubt my existence.

-

Storm: Evil never sleeps!

Glowstick: But ugly gets plenty of rest.

-

Glowstick: Hey, what’s your Netflix password?

Storm: ihopeyoudie

Glowstick: Thank you!

-

Storm: Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food?

Glowstick: ...What???

-

Glowstick: That was a joke. Say ha.

Storm: Ha.

Glowstick: Now do it again.

Storm: Ha.

Glowstick: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.

-

Storm: You have Crayons?

Glowstick: Yes, I have—

Storm: You're— how old are you?

Glowstick: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

-

Storm, trying to comfort Glowstick: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

-

Storm: What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave, and her name was Mozzarella?

Glowstick: Don't ever speak to me again.

-

Storm: That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Glowstick?

Glowstick: No.

Storm: I think I speak for Glowstick when I say it sounds really super.

-

Glowstick: I’m not stupid, you know.

Storm: Well, you’re doing a really good impression of it!

-

Storm: There is no i in happyness…

Glowstick: There is if you fucking spell it right.

-

Storm: Holy shit, Barks, do you know what this means?!

Barks: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

-

*Storm and Barks are texting*

Storm: Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone.

Barks: What did they change my name to?

Storm: Chosen One.

Barks: Don’t change it back.

Storm: BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?!

Barks: I’m the chosen one.

-

Barks: Deep down, I'm sure I was always pretty okay with you.

Storm: Thanks, Barks!

Barks: It wasn't a compliment, numbnuts.

-

Barks: When I first met you, I did not like you.

Storm: I'm aware of that.

Barks: But then you and I had some time together.

Storm: Uh-huh?

Barks: It did not get better.

-

Barks: What does a winner do when life gives them lemons?

Storm: Um, make lemonade?

Barks: No, they squeeze them right back into life’s eyes!

-

Barks, passing their phone to Storm: I'm passing the phone to someone, who if I had to choose between hanging out with them, and having my organs removed one by one, I’d choose the organs.

Storm, passing the phone back to Barks: I'm passing the phone to my best friend!

-

Barks: I wasn’t that drunk.

Storm: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.

Barks: BECAUSE YOU ARE!

-

Storm: My head hurts.

Barks: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

-

Glowstick : What do you think Storm will do for a distraction?

Barks: They'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Barks: ...or they could do that.

-

Storm, rushing into the room: It’s terrible, just terrible! I am so upset!

Glowstick: Storm, honey, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Barks, would you get Storm some water?

Barks: What are they gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, “Thank God, the water’s here!”?

-

Storm: I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand!

Barks: Glowstick quivers before them!

Storm: Fuck off!

-

Barks: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

Glowstick: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Barks: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Storm: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

-

Glowstick: What would Barks think?

Storm: Okay, that’s an interesting thought, but hear me out: what if… we ran an experiment where we spent the rest of our lives finding out what happened if we never told them?

-

Barks: I have a bad feeling about this, guys.

Glowstick : Oh don’t worry, you’ll be fine.

Storm: Yeah, what’s the worst that could happen?

Barks, being bailed out of jail the next morning: I hate you all.

-

Barks: Glowstick, gather the others. We need to have another Storm-is-doing-something-stupid-again-and-we-have-to-stop-them-before-they-hurt-someone convention.

-

*The gang is about to do something dangerous*

Storm: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk?

Barks: Go ahead.

Storm: Be careful.

Storm: Don’t die.

Glowstick : *Holds back a laugh*

Barks: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.