#and has mommy issues but we don't talk about it enough

[obsessedwrhys]

THE PAIN OF PRETENDING

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ Where your relationship with Abby is hidden because of your religious parents. Heartbreaking angst, some fluff, mention of intimacy but no doing it, religious things (reader's religion is not specified dw), homophobia, reader has religious trauma (only real ones know 😔), this could be triggering for some, reader has mommy issues/ is a mommy's girl, reader will go through character growth (whoop whoop!!). reader is fem!!!

ᯓ★

How you found yourself curled up on the sofa was perpetual. Same frown, same feeling. It just seems like the cycle never ends. You wonder how many more days can you tolerate this pattern of lifestyle.

This lifestyle of living in fear.

Soon you snap out of your worries once you hear the door open. The person you've been waiting for finally coming in.

"Hey babe" Your girlfriend, Abby flashes you a sweet smile. You don't say anything but watch as she puts away her bag, then taking off the rest of her equipments and placing it on the table.

"How did it go with your parents?" She asks. The very topic you were hoping she would have forgotten about after a day of patrol.

"... oh... you know..." You chuckle anxiously but almost instantly she knew something was off by your tone. She's dated you long enough to know when you're tensed.

She approaches you and every step she took was making you even more nervous. Once she was close enough, she kneels down in front of you with her hand placed gently on your lap. Her palm grasping your thigh.

"You did talk to them right? About us?" She asks, the way she's talking so softly to you was making the guilt swallowing you whole.

Because of that, you chose to stay quiet.

Seeing your lack of an answer, she sighs with her other hand pinching the bridge of her nose. Almost like an attempt to convince herself to be patient with you.

"Did you or did you not?" She looks up at you and your hands couldn't help but scratch at each other due to the nerves getting to you.

"... I didn't..." You finally said. She looks at you, a mix of disappointment and empathy on her face.

Maybe if this was the first time she'd forgive you.

But it's been a year that you've been trying to come out to your parents.

It's like everytime you gain the courage to confront them about it. Their faces always made you feel so small.

"You promised me you would (Y/N)..." She said and you could tell from her reaction that she was also getting tired of this.

Tired of having to pretend.

Pretending like she doesn't wanna kiss you in public.

To hold you.

To show everyone that you're hers and she's yours.

Yet she can only be known as your friend.

"I know... but they were just so happy about reaching the goal of the fundraiser and I didn't want to ruin that moment for them"

"What about you? Do you not want to be happy??"

"That's different"

"How is that different? Are you happy constantly having to deal with your parents setting you up with guys you don't even like? Or do you actually like that shit??"

"Of course not!!"

"Then just tell them!"

"It's not that fucking easy Abby! They have people that look up to their teachings. Do you have any idea the amount of damage I could do to their lifetime of work?"

"We live in a world with flesh eating zombies. I'm sure they'll survive having their reputation tainted for having a gay daughter" She gets up and you stare at her standing form. Somehow her perspective of the situation made you feel better.

You look down at your pendant, the one your parents had gifted you since you were a child. You still remember the very words they've swore to you, to always have your soul be on the right path in life.

"I'm sorry" You apologised and she turns to look at you. It pained her to see yourself looking like a wounded dog. She let's out a defeated sigh while she reaches to rub both your arms soothingly.

"Let's deal with this tomorrow... hm?" She then leaned in to nuzzle her face into the crook of your neck as she slowly pushes you down on the sofa.

You didn't notice you were smiling when Abby made herself comfortable on top of you. Her arms wrapped securely around your waist and you couldn't resist but run your fingers across her biceps. She hums at the delicacy of your touch.

"I'm so sorry..." You muttered.

"Tomorrow... please..." She lifts up her head and got inches closer to you until she's kissing you on the lips.

-

Just like that, the next day came. Since you had nothing to do that day, you decided to spend some time with Abby. Which is how you found yourself playing at the field inside the headquarters. You laughed as you took the frisbee from Alice's mouth before throwing it again. Abby was simply sitting on the grass a feet away, her face full of adoration as she watches you play.

Just seeing you smile was enough to brighten up her mood.

The feeling always felt so magical.

"Wowow— calm down girl" You chuckled when Alice nearly knocked you off balance when asking for more head pats. After giving her her deserved pats, you threw the frisbee and she ran after it without hesitation.

You watched her go with a smile on your face and soon your eyes trailed to where Abby is rested but you've already caught her staring first. You had to admit, you felt both embarrassed and cocky when you saw the way she was looking at you.

"Is my hair bad or something?" You asked but she simply tilt her head with a humoured smirk.

"Your hair can be a total mess and you'd still look like a model on the cover of a magazine" She said and her flattery made you snort.

"Liar"

"Oh? You want me to prove it to you?" She chuckles mischievously as she began approaching you and the sight of her coming after you made your first instincts to run.

"ATTACK HER ALICE!!" You ordered but Alice was too busy chewing on the toy to even care.

Damn dog.

"STOP IT ABBY!!"

"C'mere!"

Soon you found yourself cornered and you let out an annoyed whine while she couldn't help but laugh at your dismay. Once you were trapped, she stepped closer to shorten the distance between you two.

Eventually the pout on your face was gone the second she enveloped you in her arms, you chuckled uncontrollably at the touch of her lips smooching your collarbone slowly up to your jaw. You smiled when she gently grabbed you by the chin to have you face her.

"I don't think I say this enough but I love you. I mean it" She caresses your cheek and you didn't know how to respond but to kiss her.

It was a gentle kiss at first, tender and tentative, as if she was treating you like you were fragile glass. But soon the sweetness of the kiss transcended to something desperate. Her hand moving down to your waist to pull you closer than you were. Her forceful act made you yelp as your hands fell to the back of her neck.

"Fuck..." She sighs, her eyes half lidded from the heat of the moment.

"Are you sure she's out here?" What felt like a thunder struck. You immediately part away from Abby's grip when the sound of your mother's voice could be heard from afar.

"Yeah, I saw her leaving with Abs just now... Well, there she is" Nora stands with her hand on her hip as your mother's face lit up at the sight of you.

"Oh there's my sunshine!"

"Hey mom..." You greeted her back.

You were too focused on trying to act normal that you failed to realise the discomfort in Abby's eyes as she awkwardly rubs her neck, but she soon covers it up with a forced smile when your mother turned to greet her.

"And Abby! It's good to see you!"

"Haha... sure is auntie"

"Well I hope you don't mind if I steal my little sunshine from you. I need her to help me set up tonight's celebration. We managed to raise up enough resources to build our very own temple to worship. Oh! You should definitely come! Dinner will be delicious" Your mother said while waving at you to stand at her side... and you did just that. It was like she had this power over you.

You might as well be her puppet on a string.

"Sure, I don't really have anything to do" Abby responded but the smile on her face fades a bit when she turned to look at you.

Your brows were slightly narrowed as you had your head lowered. Just seconds ago you were both kissing and now she felt like a total stranger to you. But how could she blame you? You never wanted any of this.

"Oh you're such a sweet girl and a good friend to my daughter. If only you weren't so bulk you'd find yourself a fine man who'd take care of you" Your mother said and it took every muscle in Abby's body not to react to her words.

"Hm... yeah" Abby replied. Her jaw clenches as she grinds her teeth to try to ease the burn in her chest.

"Well let's go, we have a lot to prepare" Your mother shoos you and you shoot Abby an apologetic look before getting dragged away.

The moment you were gone, she let's out a sigh while running her hands across her face and then letting it rest there. Her eyes were completely shut in order to put her entire focus on not being upset at you or anyone.

"You cool?" Nora spoke up but Abby didn't bother looking at her.

"Uh-huh" Abby replied with her voice muffled from her hands covering her face.

-

It was soon the night of the celebration. Pretty much everyone was invited to it. You were dressed formally and forced to greet every guest. It just seems like to your parents that having a child also means having a servant. You were greeting people until someone caught your eye.

A wave of relief washed over you when you saw Abby approaching you and also being the last guest you'll have to say hi to for the night. She smiles when she sees your face finally easing up at the sight of her.

"Tired of playing the perfect daughter?" She jokes and you smack her playfully on the chest.

"Shut up.." You said and just as she's gonna wrap her hands around your waist. You stepped back, nodding at the crowd not far away.

It's not that anyone really cared if someone was gay.

It was more like if YOU were gay.

Because you can bet your ass that they'll come running to your parents to spread the hot gossip. It's like they have everyone as their pal and gals here.

"Right... can you show me where the food is? I'm starving" She said.

Cue to the both of you now in the kitchen where you're standing with your plate in hand. This might be the only time you get some privacy together.

"Mmm~" Abby hums as she happily ate the food. You chuckled when you saw how much she was enjoying herself.

"I'm starting to think you came to the celebration for the food"

"Isn't that the point of celebrations? To celebrate?" She looks at you while still munching on the chicken meat. You shake your head with a laugh.

"I forgot to say, your parents really made you look like eye candy" She said pointing out the dress you had on you. You look away feeling a bit embarrassed. This wasn't really your style but you didn't have much of a say in it.

"They're still trying to find me a 'boyfriend' so it's expected" You said as you began stabbing at your chicken with the fork. Abby notices and she had to admit it was painful to hear those words from your mouth. As a matter of fact, it was beginning to make her feel uneasy.

"But... I'm your boyfriend right?" She said and you laughed thinking she was joking but when you looked up and saw the seriousness in her eyes. The smile on your face dropped instantly.

"Oh... of course. This is what they want, not me. To be honest I really want to sneak off to my room right now" You said but you knew the lecture that would come if you did.

It's either gonna be words like "You're the host's daughter so go be a host!" Or "Why are you hiding in your room instead of socialising with people!" Honestly you can't choose.

"Then let's go... there's nobody stopping you" She said and you could see the mischief in her eyes. Guilty enough you grinned.

"Fine but if we get caught I'm gonna jump out the window"

-

Now you're in your room, the two of you laying down as you decided to cuddle. Honestly at this point you might fall asleep from how relaxing it felt. Your lips formed a smile when you could feel Abby running her hands through your hair or just touching it in general.

"You're gorgeous..." She uttered and from her tone you can hear the genuine love she had for you. If you asked her to take on a whole pack of infected she'll literally do it.

She'll do anything for you and yet...

You can't even do the same.

You can't even tell your parents that you're in love with her...

You're too much of a pussy to do it.

"You alright?" Abby rubs her thumb on your hand that you didn't realise was clenched into a fist. You quickly loosen your grip once you did.

"Sorry I was thinking" You said.

"About?" She looks at you, waiting for your answer that took you a while to give to her.

"I just feel awful that I keep leaving you in the dark with things... I'm too afraid of how my parents will react if I told them I was dating a girl" You said, nuzzling closer into her embrace. She hums in acknowledgement as she cups the side of your face.

"I'm pretty sure they'll freak out more about the fact I'm so muscular. Your dad can't even look me in the eye"

"I..." You stare at her, speechless.

She must have taken what your mother said to heart.

Fuck if you didn't realise you were hurting her, you were hurting her even more by letting this go on.

"I'm so sorry Abs"

"Shhh... it doesn't matter. I'll endure all of this, anything it takes to finally have my happy ending with you" She smiles softly down at you.

You really don't deserve her...

Suddenly there's a knock on the door and the sound itself was enough to have you both jump out of your bed in a hurry. Quickly you checked your reflection on the mirror to fix your appearance while Abby went to find something to busy herself with. The knock on the door continues, growing louder each time until you finally open it, finding your father at the door.

"Hey dad" You said, forcing the most genuine smile you could.

He doesn't say anything but stare at Abby who's back is turned to you, her focus on the collection of toys you've collected. He stared at her for an unsettling long 10 seconds before looking back at you, a faint smile on his face.

"Your mother and I want you to meet someone" He said and you tilt your head.

"Oh? Uh okay..." You responded and it took every strength in your body not to turn around to look at Abby as you're forced to leave your room.

Alone in your bedroom, Abby let out a long sigh as she rests both her palms on the table. Her eyes shut close after the close call. Moments like these seem to never get old.

It always leaves her feeling tensed each time.

After a minute, she was done calming herself down, she hopped herself off the table. But before she left, she walked near the window that had a whole view of the backyard. The same unsettling feeling she had earlier in the kitchen slowly crawled it's way back into her chest as she caught glimpses of you talking to a boy, both of your parents standing by your sides.

It wasn't the fact that you talking to a boy was irritating her, but the sight of you smiling and LAUGHING. That was what settled the score.

Without even realising, she began breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Is she childish for feeling like this? Being jealous? She can't even flirt with you in public and this guy who you just knew for a minute is now trying to hook up with you, in front of your fucking parents!!

Fed up and needing to get away from all of this, she left your room while making sure to slam the door shut. Several guests looking at her in concern when she made her way through.

-

After what felt like hours of chatting with people, you began to feel your face hurt from the constant talking and smiling. So the second the party was over, you were glad to have the privilege to change back into your normal clothes. To be honest the itch of the dress was killing you the entire night.

You laid on your bed and it was then you realised you haven't seen Abby ever since. Maybe she left early? Even if she did, you still felt bad for leaving her at that state. She must have felt so alone. You hurt just by the thought of it so you grabbed your stuff, being as quiet as possible when sneaking out.

It's not your first time sneaking out so it wasn't that hard.

After all, strict parents always raised the most rebellious kids.

-

By the time you were done sneaking past several people and making it to Abby's room, you knocked it a few times and waited for her to answer but she doesn't. Confused, you knocked again but before your fist could make contact with the door. It opened. You froze as you looked to see Abby staring at you, her brows were narrowed and the way she glared at you, you could tell she was pissed off.

It actually made you feel upset.

You don't know exactly what you did wrong but you just knew that you did.

That was until you noticed the dried tears in the corner of her eyes.

"Have you been—?" You hesitantly point at her eyes and for a glimpse second, her eyes widened but she was quick to rub her eye and cover it up.

"It's an itch.... What the hell are you doing here?" She said, quickly changing the topic.

"I wanted to see you" You smiled a bit, not sure if this is even the right time to act all affectionate and sweet.

"Oh..." Her tone was almost like she was mocking you. She then looked down the hallway left and right before letting you in.

While Abby closed the door, you felt uncomfortable being in the room. It wasn't the same comfort you would feel after a whole day of pretending to be the perfect daughter. Somehow it just drained you the very same. You looked at Abby when you heard her sit down on her bed, not caring the least about your presence.

Yeah there's definitely something going on.

And you're not the type to beat around the bush for it.

"Did I do something wrong?" You asked, straight to the point. She doesn't look up at you but her grip around her book tightened vaguely.

"I don't know. Did you?" She asks.

Oh great... she's in her mood again...

"If you're mad at me for leaving you in my room. I'm sorry... but that's the reason why I'm here, to make it up to you" You looked at her, hoping she would give you the basic respect of LOOKING at you when talking.

"Mhm..." She responded.

Fuck... it feels like your head is about to explode.

"Can you fucking talk to me instead of doing that whole shit? I fucking hate it when you do that"

"Then don't talk to me" She looks at you, finally.

You stare back at her with a look of disbelief before letting out a scoff as you roll your eyes.

"The door's that way" She pointed and that was the last straw.

"Don't— Don't you fucking treat me like that!" You raised your voice and she chuckles amusingly to herself.

"What? Did your boyfriend at the party treat you better?" She said, her words left you startled.

"What the fuck?" You blurted out.

Is that what she's so pissed about?

"Is that what you're mad at me for?" Suddenly it was like a whole new rage washed over your face. It didn't make it better with a storm brewing just outside.

"He's my FUCKING COUSIN YOU IGNORANT PIECE OF SHIT!! HE TRAVELLED ALL THE WAY FROM SPOKANE TO GET HERE!!" You yelled that you could feel your face burn up completely.

"And you expect me to just take your word for it?" She got up, standing in front of you.

"I'm starting to think you don't want to come out!! You love the attention don't you?!! DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME?!! Or am I just one of your experiments??"

"Of course I do!! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!"

"But??? I fucking yearn for you (Y/N)!! Every fucking second I'm with you in public. I can't even hold you or kiss you!! Do you know how much it sucks being treated like I'm nothing to you?!!" She said and you could see the tears pour out of her eyes.

"If you love me then why do you still let this shit go on? Are you more scared of losing your image or me? You pick" She returned to her bed, her head lowered as she doesn't want you to look at her crying.

You stare at her, unable to make up the right mind. Suddenly a thunder struck and rain began to pour down heavily. You sigh.

There's no way that a bunch of infected is easier dealt with than this right now.

Your mom's gonna kill you...

"...I'll talk to them tomorrow" You said and she looks at you. Honestly now you're just standing in the middle of the room not sure whether if you should join her in bed after that heated argument.

"C'mere" She said, her arms spread and you stare at her... before completely breaking into tears. You walk over to her which she doesn't waste a second to hold you close.

You placed kisses on her cheek as you muttered the word 'sorry' over and over again. Even when she shakes her head telling you it's fine, you simply ignored her and placed your head on top of hers as you continued on apologising.

Not just for this moment now but for every other time you've made broken promises to her.

-

It was the next day, all the crying last night left you completely numb. You've never felt like such a piece of shit before. Seeing how Abby is still asleep, you decided not to wake her up and just go wash yourself up. Once you were done, you grabbed your stuff and tried to be as quiet as possible when leaving.

Your parents usually volunteer at the stadium's canteen early in the morning so there's no denying that they're already there. Watching your steps as you got down the stairs, you turned a few corners and walked a few more before making it there.

"Hey (Y/N)!" Manny greeted you and you greeted him back.

"You've seen my parents?"

"Yup, they're just in there" He pointed and you made sure to thank him before going ahead. When entering the backdoor to the stall, you could see them busy restocking the supplies.

The moment they spot you, you could tell they were upset.

"Where were you?!! You weren't in your room in the morning!!" Your mother expressed her concern.

"I wanted to go gun training" You lied so naturally that it caught you by surprise. You sucked in both your lips to try to stop yourself from doing so.

"Nonsense, you're a girl, that's a man's job" Your mother said while your father carried the boxes to the table. You took a deep breath.

"Sorry I lied... I was at Abby's" The two perked up at the mention of Abby's name.

"Abby's? What were you doing there?" They suddenly exchanged glances. It's almost too obvious that the two doesn't quite like her too much. Then your father spoke up right after your mother.

"No offense darling but Abby's a rebellious girl and we don't want you following in her footsteps—"

"We kissed" You said, an unmoved expression on your face.

For a second you had thought the two were frozen in time at your words but suddenly your mother laughs.

"Are you messing with us?" She asked but you could see from her gaze she was threatening you to shut up.

For some reason you didn't really care anymore.

"We also fucked... and I really liked it" You said as you watched for their reactions. You knew that deep down that they'll never accept you for the way you are but it's fine. They never really did even when you weren't yourself.

Your mother laughs again but this time louder, almost like she's losing it. Your father who didn't know how to react laughed along to her but his wary eyes weren't in his favour.

"I thought from the lessons our uncle taught you you'd stop having these thoughts! I knew I shouldn't have let you read those comics!" She said with a smile, almost like she's forcing herself to be happy, to stay calm.

"It didn't help. I lied saying it did because I didn't want to go back there. They treated me weird. They made me feel like I didn't belong anywhere, that I was a mistake, that I should have hated myself for having these thoughts" You then smiled, returning the same emotion your mother is feeling.

"But truthfully I love girls"

SLAP

Your eyes widened after feeling your mother slap you, it happened so fast if it werent for the burning numbness on your cheek you didn't think it even happened. You slowly turn to look at your mother who's eyes are red.

"Don't you fucking say that! You're a girl! You were born to marry a man!" She said but you shrug. Your action made her tilt her head in disbelief.

"I love Abby, she's a woman not a man. If you don't like that then that's your problem" With nothing more to prove, you decided to leave but stopped yourself when you were close to the door.

"Oh and... it had nothing to do with the comics. I've always felt this way" You added with your back turned to her. The second you were out in the canteen you couldn't help but stop for a second to catch your breath.

It actually felt like you were breathing right for the first time ever.

It felt so good.

You felt so weightless.

"(Y/N)? You okay?" You look up ahead to see Abby. Her hair a bit messy from just waking up but you could tell she just smoothed it over to make it work.

"I'm so fucking great" You approached her and threw your arms around her but she was fast to observe the hand print on your face. Her face clearly full of worry.

"Who did this to you?" Her tone clearly indicating she's not gonna let this slide.

"It's my mom. I just came out to them" You smiled and she looked at you like you were kidding.

"Without me? I thought you'd want me to support you—?"

"Its fine— but you can support me now. I'm starving" You smiled and seeing how overjoyed you are, she couldn't help but let you have your moment. Not wanting to disrupt this euphoric memory of yours.

"Alright baby" She said before gently kissing you on the lips and you smiled when kissing her back. An obstacle in your life finally dealt with.

Tags:

@bready101

[stormsandfoes]

Thomas Hewitt/ Reader

𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔦𝔰 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢, 𝔱𝔬 𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔴𝔥𝔬 𝔥𝔞𝔰 𝔫𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔦𝔱? 𝔑𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔦𝔱𝔰 𝔫𝔢𝔠𝔱𝔞𝔯?

Written in third-person limited POV, focusing on Thomas. Content tags: Neurodivergence, Cannibalism, mentions of rape, Canon typical violence, self harm, Mommy issues, child abuse (mentioned), good vs. evil with nothing in between, religious trauma. Author notes: I honestly intended this to be short and to the point- but here we are. I read a lot of Thomas/Reader stories where Thomas is portrayed as neurotypical and I don't know why it bothers me so much- it's just fanfiction after all, but I wanted to write a short "love" story where Thomas is violent and scared and lonely. He's nonverbal, he's mentally disturbed but not 'slow'. His world is very black and white and full of violence, so that got me wondering- what would love look like for him? What would happen if this man, who has only ever known darkness, met someone who was nice to him? Fair warning, lots of rambling ahead. I also just want to say that I am Autistic and that influenced a lot of this story- from the way that I write, to how I portray characters, to certain interactions. So if anything seems weird to you, I apologize- my mind works in weird ways. If I need to clarify anything, just shoot me a message. I would love to talk about the writing process and why I included certain things. Important: This is about 15k words and NOT even half of it. I had to cut it into pieces, will update the rest in another post.

Thomas brings the axe above his head, his breath ragged as he swings it down and cuts the piece of firewood in half with a low grunt. He’s hot, even though it’s the middle of winter- the weather low even with the sun that hid behind the clouds- and his shirt is sticking to him uncomfortably, the sweat doing nothing to cool him down.

He lodges the axe into the tree stump, grabbing the two pieces of wood and throwing them in the wheelbarrow before he wipes his forehead with dirt covered hands. It was the last chore of the day, and he was tired and sore- a tightness in his shoulders that seemed to spread all the way down to lower back and made him want to get in bed. His mask is damp and tight against his face, the skin underneath irritated. He wants to go inside and change, the thought of taking a shower was frustrating but he knew that he needed one. He could smell himself- bitter with sweat and the slightly suffocating scent that seemed to stick to chickens now clinging to him from when he had cleaned out the chicken coop. His nails were lined with dirt- hands and arms caked in grime. It made him feel heavy and slow.

Uncle Hoyt would drag him to the back and hose him off if he saw him, and he hated that more than he hated cleaning himself off- the feeling of water on his skin something he had never got around to liking. He could handle other things- blood never seemed to churn his stomach, or when Momma or Uncle Hoyt used to ask him to go clean out the pig pen- back when they could afford to have pigs, they were empty now, the whole farm seemed to get emptier and emptier as the months passed- he hadn’t thought that shoveling pig shit into a bucket was all that bad. But he had trouble smelling sometimes, especially with the leather pressed so tight against the place his nose had once been.

He takes the handles of the wheelbarrow, filled with enough dried out wood for the weekend- maybe Monday, if the weather stayed where it was at- and began to haul it towards the house. Momma would need some in the kitchen, to boil water and heat the ovens for Supper when she got back from town. He’d have to check the fireplace on the main floor- sometimes even on the coldest days of winter that room stayed warm enough that if they were to turn on the fireplace it’d be too uncomfortable to sit in. He would wait until Uncle Monty asked for more- he didn’t like it when any of them made decisions for him, more so now that he was stuck in that wheelchair.

There were no fireplaces upstairs, just piles of blankets to layer and hope they did enough to keep them warm. Sometimes it would be enough for him, but there were nights that even with two or three of the ones Momma sewed together for him; he would still lay awake, teeth chattering from the cold. It’s why he hated the cold- he could manage the heat, but winter was unpredictable even in the deep south of Texas.

Uncle Monty is in the living room, asleep in his chair as the TV keeps playing, almost as loud as his snoring. He walks past him, noticing the almost empty fireplace. His footsteps are heavy and loud from the metal on his shoes as he carries an armful of wood into the kitchen. He sets it down on the dining table, right on the white plastic cloth momma had set out before she had left, dirt falls onto the floor and he makes a low, grumbling noise of frustration, hoping that she didn’t see it when she got home.

He had forgotten the plastic mat last time and gotten her favorite tablecloth dirty -the mud staining the light blue cotton forever. He didn’t see why it was such a big deal, Momma had once told him that life was messy, that’s how one knew that they were living it, but she had been so angry at him then- sending him out with the bucket and soap, shouting about the mud he had tracked inside their house. Supper had come late that night- Hoyt growing angry at him. He liked it when it was ready and waiting for him when he got home- shouting at momma that working men weren’t supposed to wait for food.

He had gotten into an argument with him that night- he didn’t like it when people were mean to momma. Uncle Hoyt had called him a bad name- making his blood boil.

He didn’t want that to happen again. He didn’t like how badly he had wanted to hurt Uncle Hoyt at that moment. Momma said that family fought all the time, but he had to be careful not to do anything that he would regret. Maybe he would regret it when his blood stained his clothes, but part of him wasn’t so sure. He liked him better when he was Uncle Charlie. Uncle Hoyt reminded him of the bad men.

He tries not to think about it anymore when he heads back outside to grab a few more pieces of wood for the living room. He didn’t like thinking back on the things that made him angry, sometimes he couldn’t come back from them, and he’d end up doing something bad.

By the time he’s pushing past the double front doors, Momma’s car is pulling into the dirt path off to the side of the house. It’s an old one- rusting from the heat of too many summers, but momma didn’t mind it.

 The car comes to a stop as he picks up another armful of wood and takes it inside.

Ever since Hoyt became Sheriff of the town, things had gotten better for them. There were never days where they went to bed hungry, the meat freezer down in the basement always seemed to have enough for them. If it ever ran low, a Hoyt always seemed to find a way to get it restocked. Momma had taken over the shop in town after the owner had passed away and Hoyt made sure that his son- one of the bad men- went right along with him. He had filled the bellies of those who still stayed in town, too hungry to care enough to question them. Sometimes she brought back what didn’t sell that day and they’d have themselves a little feast. There were days Uncle Hoyt brought a guest with him- always a woman-, other times he’d ask momma to bring his food up to his room- the muffled screaming drowned out by Monty’s TV show.

He liked to stay in the basement on those days. It was harder to hear the pleading and begging as Hoyt played too rough with them. He would always get stuck with getting rid of them afterwards and he was starting to dislike the chore.

By the time he finishes stacking the wood, Momma is calling out for him, the front door swinging open. He freezes- his shoulders squaring and his breath suddenly heavy as he looks up at the hall, hidden between a wall and the fireplace. There was someone with Momma. He could hear the footsteps- Momma walked with a purpose, heavy and loud like him. She said that she did it so God would hear her better, but he wasn’t so sure that God was with them anymore. The ones that came after her were lighter, nervous.

He didn’t like guests. Didn’t like that Momma and uncle Hoyt had developed a habit of taking in strays that would just end up in the basement with him later. They would scream when they saw him- call him those names that made the anger come. Some of them liked to hurt him, momma taking him to the bathroom afterwards and stitching him up.

“You’re going to love my Tommy. He’s a little bit shy but he’s got the sweetest heart.” Momma says and he hears the other person laugh. It’s a soft noise- gentle in a way that manages to make his heart race faster as he tries to crawl deeper into the tiny space. “He’s here around somewhere… but let’s get you set up in your room then you can come down and help me with supper, okay?”

Another laugh, his heart racing uncomfortably in his chest. He didn’t want Momma to find him, he was already so tired.

“Of course,” the stranger says, and she- the thought of a woman in the house irritates him- doesn’t talk like Momma or Hoyt or Monty. Her voice is quiet, it doesn’t drawl out. He’s heard it before- she must be from out of town. “I would love to!”

For a moment, he feels bad for the woman as he hears them go up the stairs. He always feels bad for them at first. Momma said that his heart was too kind. Hoyt called him a pansy boy, in need of toughening up. He doesn’t know why he feels bad, the guests were never good people- he’d always come to learn that, but it never seems to do anything to make the twitch of guilt go away from his heart. The steps grow quieter the farther up they go- until he hears Momma’s muffled voice and then her footsteps coming back down.

She spots him, curled into himself in that tiny, dark space and she sucks her teeth, shaking her head. “Thomas Hewitt, what in the lords name are you doing there?”

He feels embarrassed all of a sudden, getting caught like this. He makes a low noise in his chest, pointing to the firewood.

“Come on and get on out of there if you’re done then, we’ve got company.” She comes down the rest of the steps and makes her way towards him. When she holds out her hand he takes it, a comfort that has his heart slowing down.

 “I need you to go and grab the rest of her stuff from the car- poor girl don’t got no power in her home.” She says with a shake of her head as she pulls and helps him to his feet. “She’ll be staying with us until her electricity gets put back up.”

He shakes his head, this time the noise he makes is in protest, a deep groan of anger. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want her in his house.

Momma frowns, crossing her arms over her chest. “Now listen here Thomas, not everyone is as lucky as we are. Sometimes we have to help those in need.”

He wants to believe her- Momma wasn’t one for lying, after all- but this isn’t anything new. He knew how this would end; with the woman in their bellies and her screams in his head, keeping him awake at night. She would make a mistake and then she’d end up in the basement, begging for her life.

It was like Momma had set her up to fail, like a game that promised a prize that would never come, and Thomas didn’t want to play. Not this time. He shakes his head again, his way of telling her no.

Momma and Uncle Hoyt have a lot in common, no matter how sweet and gentle Momma tried to be, her anger was almost as bad as his. He doesn’t like it when she gets angry at him- everyone was always angry at him- and he can see it in her eyes, making him bend his chin against his chest as he let out a whine, glancing down at the ground. She never hit him, but she would ignore him and that hurt a lot more.

“Then you go on upstairs and tell the poor girl that she’s got to leave. I won’t be the one to break the bad news.” Momma huffs, stomping over to the kitchen. “Tell her you would rather see her freeze than offer a small kindness.”

There it is, that harshness in her voice that makes him tremble, his heart picking up its pace until he feels like he can’t breathe. He shakes his head again, digging his fingers into his arm. He didn’t want to have anything to do with the woman. Didn’t want to be forced to deal with her later but if this is what Momma wanted, then he would do it. He would make her happy.

He lets out another noise, smaller this time and turns towards the door. Part of him is angry- angry that he wasn’t allowed to be angry without being punished. Angry that sometimes it seemed like he wasn’t allowed to have a say when it came to things. He felt as if momma sometimes liked to hurt him on purpose- pushing and pushing until he snapped.

As soon as the thought crosses his mind, he feels the guilt settle in his stomach, hot and suffocating. Momma wasn’t like the bad people. She wouldn’t hurt him. Sometimes he just made her so angry- he knew that. He knew that he was difficult and stubborn and sometimes she got tired of dealing with him.

It wouldn’t be long before the woman disappeared anyways- Hoyt will see her at supper and he’d take her upstairs. The screaming will start, and everyone will act like they couldn’t hear it; Momma would knit, and Monty would turn the volume on the TV up until it was too much. He’d end up sleeping in the basement again, picking at his skin until it was raw and bleeding- the crying twisting his stomach and threatening to swallow him whole.

He just had to wait until then. He would be good until then.

The trunk of the car was left open for him, and he finds the woman’s things waiting for him. It’s not much- a simple backpack, filled with so many things that it ballooned uncomfortably. He grabs it, grunting at the fact that it was heavier than he thought, and slams the trunk close. The car shakes and squeaks at his aggression as he carries the bag inside. He doesn’t like the fact that he’s touching the stranger’s things.

He’s dirty- his fingers staining the bag- but he’s also dirty inside. Rotten from the anger, the bad he’s done. The bad he was going to do. He can feel himself soiling the items inside- turning them just as dirty as him as he walks into the kitchen and sets the bag down on the floor. Momma had taken the firewood he had left and put away the mat. He could feel the warmth of the fire even from where he stood across the oven- filling the room with the scent of smoke. He grunts, wanting Momma to turn around and see that he had done what she asked. He wanted her to smile at him- to ease the way his heart still hammered in frustration.

She turns, but the softness in her eyes isn’t directed at him- she barely looks at him and his heart sinks further down into his stomach, tension building in the back of his neck. He can hear her footsteps now- the creaking of the staircase as she came downstairs. He’s standing in front of a wall, the staircase on the other side. For now, he was hidden- but it wouldn’t be long until she stepped into the kitchen, and he couldn’t hide anymore.

“We’re in here dear,” Momma calls out to her. “Tommy here’s got your bag for you.”

He sees her for the first time out of the corner of his eye- spotting her before she spots him, her eyes on Momma. She’s short- shorter than momma by a bit, and clean and well dressed. Her sweater is thick and colorful, the cuffs of her sleeves neatly folded against her wrists. Something there catches the soft yellow light of the kitchen- a thin golden bracelet halfway hidden beneath the fabric. Her jeans look like they’ve been around for a long time- a different shade of fabric stitched into one of the knees. Her boots are old and worn out, reminding him of his own.

He doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like this feeling that runs through him as he inspects her.

“I really like your house!” she says- voice light and full of excitement that made his mood worsen. “Its-” whatever she was about to say dies in her throat as she turns her head to the left and spots him for the first time.

He doesn’t let her look at his face- turning his head to the side as he folds into himself, chin against chest. He doesn’t like this- doesn’t like that she stares at him without saying anything. He can feel her eyes on him- inspecting him- an animal on display. His chest rises and falls painfully, his breathing hard and loud in the silence. He can feel his hands twitch- his thumb nail grazing along the length of his finger.

“This is my son,” Momma’s voice is tight as she talks. “Tommy this here is our guest. Don’t you want to say hello?”

He shakes his head, his hands trembling. Something wet lands inside the sink and he startles. He hears Momma suck her teeth and he can see her in his mind- shaking her head like she does whenever he does something she doesn’t like.

He doesn’t like this. Doesn’t like that Momma is getting mad at him, that the woman still stands there, watching him tremble in fear. He could already hear it- her laughing as she called him an idiot. They always called him something. They always laughed at him.

“It’s okay,” her voice shakes a bit as she breaks the silence, and she coughs and clears her voice. “I, um, I’m a little shy myself so I know how hard it can be sometimes.” She speaks slowly, her voice almost a low whisper. She tells him her name. Tells him that it’s nice to meet him.

He doesn’t say anything- not that he can, he’s never spoken a single word- but he nods his head, his eyes quickly glancing over at her. She’s still looking at him and his heart almost beats through his ribs. He expects her to be looking at him like they always look at him- filled with disgust and hatred, looking for any excuse to leave, to get as far away as possible from him- but he doesn’t find that in her face.

He finds her mouth twisted downwards and her eyebrows pushed together just a tiny little bit, her eyes gentle and wide. She looked at him as if he was a dog out by the side of the road on a hot summer afternoon refusing help and she had been chasing him with a bowl of water.

She looks at him like there was nothing scary about him. Like he was a man, dirty from a long day at work and not a freak- poor and disfigured- a monster. He had never seen that look from anyone who didn’t live in this house, and it scared him. It terrified him that someone would decide to look at him like that.

But as soon as he met her eyes she looked away, towards Momma- a smile in her voice.

“What are we making for dinner?” she asks, stepping farther into the kitchen and pushing her sleeves up towards her elbows- ready for whatever Momma tells her to do.

The tension disappears just like that, Momma laughing lightly as she places her hand on the woman’s back and pulls her close. “You’re such a darling, helping me out like this. How about you start getting out the pots and pans? They’re over there by the pantry.” She pointed to the cupboards by the fridge and the woman nodded and went straight towards them.

With her back to them- Momma turned and looked at him finally. He could still feel his heart hammering away at his chest, but this was more manageable. He was still waiting for the names to come, for the screaming and the disgust to appear in her eyes. Sometimes when Momma was around people hid it a bit better, but he knew that it wouldn’t be long until they couldn’t hide it anymore.

He expects Momma to still be mad at him- blue eyes dark with anger- but instead she sighs and puts her hand on his shoulder, a silent apology that has his muscles relaxing. The woman pays them no mind- bending down to inspect the cupboard down there.

“Go on and take her bag up to her room and get yourself cleaned up, okay?” She tugs on the collar of his shirt before fixing his hair out of his face. It’s damp from his sweat, but she doesn’t flinch. “She’s a good girl- try to handle her with care, alright?” Her voice is a low whisper- something the woman wasn’t supposed to hear. It unsettles him as he nods along with Momma- not quite understanding what she meant. He doesn’t know if he’s supposed to nod along with her or shake his head, but Momma doesn't wait for an answer, patting him on the cheek before she turns her head and calls out to the woman.

“Honey, Tommy is going to take your bag up to your room- is that alright?”

The woman rises from the ground, two pots neatly stacked in each other in her hands. “Yes,” she says softly- her eyes meeting his. “Thank you, Tommy.”

She smiles at him shyly and his heart begins to hammer against his ribs again. He feels his skin begin to burn- his flesh raw and exposed to her. Even underneath his mask he can feel himself heating up as he looks away, scrambling to grab the bag.

He needed to get away from her- from Momma and her words that he couldn’t understand. He felt like he couldn’t breathe with her here. He stumbles up the steps- feet so heavy against the wood that he swears he can feel the house tremble underneath him.

Momma gave her the room across his- the empty one where she liked to keep the extra bed sheets and towels. But it’s cleaner now as he turns the knob and goes inside, the curtains pulled open to let in the bit of light that still shone from outside- the sun close to setting. The piles of blankets that were on the bed are gone- the sheets neatly tucked into the space between the mattress and the boxspring. There’s a jacket thrown on top- red and faded, the cuffs ripped up on one arm.

He sits the bag right next to it- on the floor, wiping his hands on his jeans. It topples over and he lets out a grunt- fixing it so it sat upright again. He decided that he would stay up here until Momma called him for supper. He wouldn’t go down to the basement while the woman was here- he was worried that she would be stupid enough to follow him down there. That would be the end of her. Blood and flesh and sinew torn from her bones for them to feast on.

He’s careful when he’s leaving the room- closing the door gently so that it doesn’t slam before he hurries off into his own- locking the door behind himself.

Here it’s dark, his windows covered in greased up newspapers. He didn’t like it when it got too bright- when the sun shone through and reminded him of the mess around him. His room is small and cramped and full of things that he had hauled up from the furnace room so that he wasn’t stuck going up and down all the time. Uncle Monty said that he sounded like a ‘goddamned bulldozer,’ stomping around the house when he was trying to sleep. So, it was better this way- even though sometimes he got irritated that there were too many things. But it meant not being bothersome, so he tried not to mind much.

He checks the door again- making sure that he had really locked it, pulling and twisting at the doorknob just to be safe. He knew that no one would come up here and go into his room- Monty was stuck on the first floor, Momma was with the girl in the kitchen preparing supper and Uncle Hoyt wasn’t home yet. But he was always a little paranoid, just the tiniest bit afraid that someone would knock down his door and see everything about him that he had tried so hard to hide. Not even Momma was allowed in here. This was his- the only place where he could hide from everyone, where he didn’t have to worry about anyone disturbing him.

He takes his mask off and it’s not quite the relief he was expecting- the leather inside has gone stiff, his face raw and tender and aching from all the sweat and dirt that had managed to get in. He can feel it as he runs his fingers across his face, a cut on the corner of his lips that wasn’t there last time. It blends into the sores and scarred tissue already there, his skin long ruined. It shouldn’t bother him- but as he opens his mouth and feels the skin stretch and crack, a drop of blood welling up and rolling down his chin- he gets upset, grunting in frustration. He had wanted to clean the mask and add some petroleum to try and soften it up so it wouldn’t bite at his skin anymore- pinching and scratching and making the pain worse. It would have been something to do, something to keep him busy and distracted until he had to face the inevitable, but now it was something that he no longer wanted to do. Why would he? What would it change?

It was never this bad- but ever since his nose began to fall away, it only ever seemed to get worse- no matter what he did or how hard he pleaded for it to just stop and go away- nothing ever changed. There was no one there to listen to his pleas.

With a low groan of frustration, he tears his hand from his face, wiping the blood on the front of his shirt. He hates himself. Hates everything about himself. Momma liked to say that the bad people were liars, that people who were hurting only ever knew how to hurt others- but he knew that wasn’t true. He was a monster. He saw it, looking back at him in the mirror- wild and ugly and evil, everything that he did not want to be. He hated taking his mask off- hated knowing that the man that existed underneath it was the same man that he was trying to escape from.

Coming here was a mistake. He should have stayed downstairs, should have gone out back to the barn- there he would have found something, anything, to do.

He takes a breath like Momma showed him, trying to push the anger away- down, down, down, until he couldn’t feel it slithering through his veins and pounding in the back of his head. He just had to focus on something else-he liked it when he had chores, things to do that kept him busy and away from the bad thoughts. He takes another deep breath through his mouth- dirt and salt on his lips as he picks up the mask and tries to clean it off on his clothing. It does nothing but lift the dust off into the air as he places it on his face, tightening it too much across his head, leather digging into tender skin. He would take a bath, change his clothes, then sit in bed and wait. Uncle Hoyt would come an hour after the sun disappeared and then he would have to go downstairs. He didn’t want to go downstairs.

He didn’t want to feel the bad feelings anymore. The fear, the anger. The woman would look at him and his throat would tighten, and his heart would beat painfully. He hadn’t liked that feeling- trapped in his own skin, unable to get away. Yet at the same time, he wanted her to look at him. No one ever looked at him.

He could still feel her eyes- soft and warm on his skin, simultaneously calming and worsening his anger. He was half embarrassed- covered in dirt and sweat stains, his clothing old and faded- Did she think that he was disgusting? He was always messy in everything that he did- always having to teach himself how to do things. Filth had never been a stranger. Had never bothered him. But he finds himself wanting to wash the grime and sweat from himself- even if he was just going to put the same clothes back on.

His stomach growls, empty and needy as he unlocks the door and roughly pushes it open- he finds the woman outside of it.

The door swings open, the gust of wind pushing her hair around as the door barely manages to miss her. She’s looking up at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly open- her arms up by her chest. It scares him, seeing her there and he makes a messy, garbled noise of surprise.

“Sorry!” she speaks fast, her words all pushed together. “I was just trying to find the bathroom!”

He feels his heart beating in his throat, muscles tense and solid as he stares down at her. She’s so much shorter than he thought- he could reach out and crush her throat in his hand and it wouldn’t take much force to do so. He’s almost tempted to, his fingers twitching at his sides. Momma would get mad at him when he dragged her body downstairs- but she would forget eventually.

“I’m in your way- I,” she takes a step back, her eyes finally releasing his. “I’m sorry, I’m just-”

He grunts. Low and short- his way of telling her to stop talking. Nothing she says is making any sense to him and the sound of her voice makes his heart hammer at his chest. Thunderous and loud and painful. It scares him how easily she does that to him. Such a small thing like her, carelessly walking into a house where God was nowhere to be found without a single ounce of caution. He could take her to his room, and no one would hear her scream. He could scare her more than she scared him.

She squirms in the silence like a rat stuck in a trap. She tugs at her sleeve, at her collar- his breathing loud as he watches her- watches her chest rise and fall with every breath, her eyes on the space between them.

 Another grunt and she startles backwards, looking up at him. This time, when her eyes meet his own, he doesn’t cower even though his body tenses and he can already feel her pulse beneath his hand.

 His body is stiff as he steps out of his room and moves out of the way of the door- he has to turn his back to her and for a split-second, panic runs cold and fast through his veins as he remembers the woman who had stabbed him. The door slams close as he turns around quickly, eyes wide and wild as he looks down at her hands.

He expects to see a knife pointed at him- the scar on his shoulder aching from the memory of being sliced apart, the pain still there even after all the months that have passed since. He hadn’t done anything to deserve that pain- the woman and her friends had attacked first, had tried to hurt his family. Uncle Hoyt had told him, so had Momma with tears in her eyes and blood splatters on her dress. They were bad people who wanted to do bad things to them, and it was his responsibility to protect them- to keep them safe. It hadn’t mattered that his hands shook so hard with fear, and he could taste vomit at the back of his throat, vile and burning, he had to protect them. They were all that he had. He couldn’t- wouldn’t- lose them.

He was panting as he searched the woman and finds nothing in her hands, her eyes widening as she takes another step away from him.

 Was she scared?

Did she finally see it? The evil that radiated off of him that others seemed to see- always scared of getting too close to him- He was a disease on this town. A burden. Did he finally scare her?

Would she scream?

Was she going to hurt him- just like everyone else? Drive a knife into his flesh- a pain that would only last for so long before it faded into a memory that he refused to think of. A pain that wouldn’t be so bad compared to the shame that churned his stomach whenever a stranger screamed when they saw him.

He waited- teeth clamped together as he stared her down in the heavy silence.

He watched as her lips part, lower lip trembling slightly. If she screamed, he would hurt her before she could hurt him. If she screamed, she would be nothing but a pile of bones, tossed into the fire by the time the sun rose tomorrow.

Scream, he thought, fingers twitching at his sides. Scream already and let this end already.

“You’re scared of me, aren’t you?” she whispers and her voice trembles even as she keeps talking. “I can tell- you’re looking at me like I just pulled out a gun on you or something.” She lifts her hands towards him and moves them back and forth, as if she was showing him that he had nothing to worry about. “But my hands are empty-”

She lifts her hands, palms facing him, and wiggles her fingers. “If it makes you feel better, apart from a kitchen knife I don’t think I’ve ever held a weapon.” She smiles oddly at him- as if she wasn’t sure how to do so, her eyes still wide and unblinking. As if she was worried that he would lunge at her at any second.

He doesn’t like how his body seems to let go of its worries and fears so fast, his shoulders drooping and his heartbeat slowing down until it’s no longer pounding against his ears as the ringing slowly starts to disappear. He unclenches his teeth, the pain still lingering in his jaw and neck, and suddenly, he’s no longer thinking of hurting the woman- of how easy he would have snapped her neck. He still could, part of him even ached and begged for him to do it. To get it over with.

But he doesn’t listen to that part of him that never truly seemed to go away- always begging for blood, for a voice that would finally be heard. He’s staring at her hands instead, focusing on the tips of her fingers that are flushed pink. He notices the birthmark on her left middle finger- a tiny dot right underneath the crease of her knuckle. He notices all the tiny little lines that make up her palms and the way her thumb trembles lightly.

He did not like her.

He did not like the way something as simple as her hands was enough to draw his attention- his eyes seeking out the tiny little patterns between her fingers. He did not like how her voice could soothe him so easily when he wanted nothing but to crush her- to take her, to taste her flesh on his tongue and her blood on his lips.

He did not like how she called out to him as he just stared at her- stared through her, voice gentle with his name. It wasn’t the same as when Momma said it though. This felt like a spell, a bad omen- Satan’s own voice whispering temptation in his ear. Sweet and gentle and unfamiliar.

She made him feel the same way he had felt that one night he had snuck upstairs to watch Uncle Hoyt and his new friend. He had pushed the door open just enough so that he could see but still stay hidden from the light. He hadn’t made a single noise as he watched Hoyt undo his pants and pull the woman’s legs apart. He hadn’t been able to see much from his hiding place, but what he heard had sent a shock of electricity through his body- blood boiling with need as he listened to the crying and the begging and the sound of something slick being hit over and over again. His stomach churned the same it had that night- tight and hot and restless for something that he could not give it.

He lets out a whine- deep and guttural and full of frustration. Go away, he wants to yell at her. Go away before you ruin everything.

“Tommy…?” she asks again, not understanding his plea.

He whines again and it takes him a second to realize that he’s scratching at his arm- digging his fingers into the old scars there and agitating the skin. It hurts. But that pain is familiar and calming and helps him focus on something other than the panic rising in his throat.

She was messing it all up.

 It’s supposed to just be the four of them- Momma, Hoyt, Monty and him. It’s always been just the four of them. There wasn’t enough space here for her. She was too much of a change to get used to- too loud, too much. Even if he went and hid in the basement until Momma got tired of her, he knew that he would still be able to feel her through the walls, a choking weight in the air that would only poison him until he forgot what it was like to be ignored and cautious even in his own home. He’d be able to hear her- hear her laugh, her steps, the tiny little noises she would come to make the more time went on. She would fill this house with her until she soaked the walls and filled in the foundation. Until everyone forgot that she had a stranger at one point- a spontaneous good dead in all the bad they dealt in.

And even then- what would stop Hoyt from taking her to the room where almost all of the women ended up in? From the emptiness of their bellies that might make them remember that she wasn’t one of them- that she was the answer to their starvation?

He's sinking his nails in harder- the thin skin underneath breaks and he itches at the spot as if there was something alive and buzzing under the flesh. He doesn’t feel the pain as the blood begins to gather underneath his dirty nails. He can see it, even in the dim light- but he can’t feel it. Can’t stop. He digs and digs and digs, hoping for the thoughts to stop- for the voices to stop telling him that he had to kill her. That if he didn’t, he had to make sure that she never left- that this house swallowed her whole and kept her from running, from leaving them. Leaving him. If she tried to run, he could keep her in the furnace room; could tie her up and warn her that if she wasn’t good, she wouldn’t be able to stay.

He could be good to her. He would learn if he had to, would ask Momma to teach him to be gentle and kind. He would not make her angry, would not make her cry or scare her away as long as she listened to him. As long as she stayed with him.

He’s lost, stuck in the farthest corner of his mind, in a future that would stop existing if he simply reached out and touched her. All he had to do was cover her face with his hand, she would be too surprised to fight him off when he pressed her against the wall and kept her there-the weight of him against her back. He could already feel her as she squirmed against him- her body unable to stand still as her lungs began to burn. He could already feel her warmth through his clothes, feel the way his heart would race as she sank her fingers into his skin, drawing blood from fear and desperation. His fear would seep into her flesh, make her lash out more. Her pain would become his and they would be inseparable in that moment.

 It’s when he feels her- fingers cold and desperate as she prods and pulls at his arms, forcing them apart that he returns to reality- to the dimly lit hall, the heat of the fireplace already seeping through the cracks in the foundation. He can feel the way her arms tremble, her fingertips burning holes into his skin.

The woman’s eyes are wild when he looks at her, all wet and round- something in them, in the way she looks at him, makes his heart fill with lead- knocking against his ribs painfully.

“It’s okay!” she says, her voice panicked as she keeps repeating it over and over again, almost as if she’s trying to convince herself- or maybe she thinks that if she says it enough times it’d become true.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” she repeats, her eyes on his as she pulls his arms towards her. “We just have to get this cleaned up and it’ll be okay.”

He doesn’t budge when she tries to pull him towards the staircase- instead, he watches as she stumbles over her own feet, her hands sliding down his arms.

“We need to get this clean,” she’s pleading now, tugging at him to get him to move. “It’s going to get infected if we don’t and there’s no doctor in town anymore-” the more she talks, the more hysterical she begins to sound, her voice growing higher. “I don’t know where the bathroom is, but we can go down to the kitchen, Luda M-”

He doesn’t let her finish, easily pulling his uninjured arm free from her. He didn’t want Momma to know. To see the mess that he made of himself. She would yell at him if he was lucky- tell him that he was sick in the head, hurting himself like a damn fool again.  But he knew that Momma wouldn’t be kind like that- she would take one look at him, dripping blood on the floor and she would blame the woman for his pain.

He could already hear her yelling, the shrill sound bouncing through his head. Momma wouldn’t care to listen, to see anything other than what she wanted. Momma was like that- kind and sweet and quiet until someone was stupid enough to go after the family. He was like her in a way, protective of them all. He liked to think that he got it from her- that he couldn’t possibly be bad when Momma’s blood ran through him, sweet and caring.

He couldn’t let Momma find out. Not now- not when he had decided that the woman standing in front of him was worth more to him alive than chopped up into pieces that would fit into the deep freezer.

 With a grunt that shuts the woman up from her rambling, he grabs her arm. She’s soft and small under his touch- her sweater itching at his palm as he begins to pull her deeper into the hallway, into the darkness. Away from Momma. Away from a future he wanted no part in.

“No, Tommy we have to go downstairs. I don’t know what to do.” Her voice is shaky as she takes a couple steps forward before planting her feet and refusing to keep going. “Your mom might me better at this than me, please.” She pleads even as she begins to walk again when he refuses to stop.

He tries to tell her that Momma couldn’t find out. That if she did then he wouldn’t be able to protect her- to keep her safe. Momma would tell him to get rid of her and he always did what Momma wanted, even if sometimes he didn’t want to.

He loves Momma. Loves her more than Uncle Hoyt or Monty. He loves her more than anything or anyone- even himself. He could suffer through any pain as long as Momma was with him- as long as she was happy with him.

He tries to tell her that he knows exactly what he’s doing, but all his words come out as a garbled mess of a groan, the muscles in his throat too weak to form any actual words. It frustrates him- hearing himself talk in a way that no one would ever understand.

He lets out a low howl, that frustration growing when she stops walking again. He has to be careful not to hurt her- he didn’t want to accidentally pull her arm too hard if she was going to make this a habit. He just needed to get her to the bathroom. She had to wash off the blood on her hands before she went back downstairs. He could take care of his injuries himself- Momma had taught him how to clean and bandage cuts and bruises. Though he wasn’t concerned with the open wound dripping blood down his arm.

Right now, he needed to get the woman to understand that Momma couldn’t find out about this. That if she went down those steps, stained with his blood, then there was nothing he could do to keep Momma from lashing out. Facing her, he points to himself- finger beating against his chest twice before he points at her.

He’s watching her- his eyes on her as she watches him repeat the action two more times. Her face is flushed, her eyebrows pushed together, and he begins to worry that she’s not understanding him, that now that he’s let go of her, she was going to be stupid and try to push him back towards the stairs.

Letting out a small whimper, he grabs at her wrist. She’s pliant under his touch- her skin cool and soft. Touching her reminds him of the Cattle fences that were used back when the Slaughterhouse had been open. He had touched one by accident, not fully understanding why they had so many warnings signs- and just like back then, something hot and quick ran through him. Back then, the muscles in his fingers and arms had tensed and burned, taking away all his strength. But touching her, feeling the way his scarred thumb slid against the thin skin on her wrist- felt like a shockwave of warmth had run through him- intense and disorienting and addictive.

It scared him, but he didn’t let go of her even though his brain was yelling at him to stop touching her. He couldn’t. He had to keep her safe. Slowly, he began to raise her hand towards him, his mouth opening as he made a noise from the bottom of his throat.

He looked at her face as he pressed the back of her hand against his chest. She was already staring at him, her lips twisted into a frown. He couldn’t look into her eyes for too long, something in him ached when he did, so he kept his eyes on her mouth as he tapped her hand against his chest. That same warmth that was spreading through his arm poisoned his chest. He could feel it in his throat, in the depth of his belly- It knocked around in his head until he was dizzy.

For a moment, with her hand on him and his eyes still glued to her lips, he forgets about the bad people who called him all those bad words. He forgets all of the evil that he’s done, all the screams that haunt him, all the blood that he can never wash off.

He finds the confidence to raise his eyes to her own and part of him is scared that in them he would find disgust at having to touch something like him. A smaller, quieter, part wonders if she feels it too- the electricity that flows out of her and through him. He wants her to tell him that she feels him in her- that he’s also warm and electric through her veins. He wants her to tell him that a real monster wouldn’t feel the way he did- that if he really was a monster, the softness in her eyes wouldn’t be affecting him so much.

Dropping his eyes, he taps his chest with her hand twice before pointing it towards him. He does it one more time before he lets go of her. He expects her to pull her hand away, but instead she lets it linger on his shirt, the dirt and stains not bothering her. He wonders if she can feel the way his heart knocks against his ribs.

“You want me to follow you?” her voice cracks a bit as she takes her hand away.

He nods, grunting as he motions to a door off to the side behind him before he lifts his bloodied arm and runs his hand over the scratches- they’ve stopped bleeding already, his arm a mess of blood stains and dirt. Pointing behind here, towards the staircase he shakes his head, bringing his hand back towards his arm and covering the mess he made.

She doesn’t say anything as she tries to piece everything together- her face twisting into itself as she thinks. He repeats the movement, groaning when he points at the staircase and once more when he covers the cuts. ‘Not safe,’ he tries to tell her, ‘Take care of it here.’

Realization makes her eyes brighten, her features smoothing out. “You don’t want Luda Mae to find out?”

It’s not exactly what he was trying to say but he lets it be, seeing as it was close enough. She could have thought that he wanted her to go down and grab Momma- and he was worried that with how small she was she would take off running before he could stop her. In trying to help she would run straight into her end.

The thought made his stomach drop- a sudden chill rocking through him.

“Tommy- I don’t know if I can do anything about that…” she pauses, and he watches as she reaches for him, taking his arm in both of her hands. Her touch burns him again, and this time he can’t stop the small whine of delight from escaping his lips. Her mouth twists down as she inspects his arm- and he tenses, waiting for her to start yelling at him, for the bad names to come. But they don’t- she stays silent, her eyes glued to his arm.

The damage isn’t bad- compared to the collection of scars that line both of his arms, this was nothing. He had scratched a small hole in his forearm- breaking the skin and tearing apart the bit of muscle and fat there. He was lucky that he hadn’t hit anything vital- that he had stopped when he did.

When he was younger, he had taken to cutting- tearing flesh from his body and slicing himself open as a punishment for his mistakes, for his bad thoughts. He had done a good job of keeping it from Momma until the night he had cut too deep, and the blood wouldn’t stop. He had ran to her, howling in fear- bloody arm pressed against his chest. She had made Uncle Monty hold him down while she stitched him together, only a glass of whiskey to keep the pain away. She had yelled at him the entire time-first with tears in her eyes then when they had dried up and she had finished sewing his skin together- she had taken the belt and beaten him raw. When she got tired of beating him, she had told him that this was all Satan’s fault- that she had no choice but to beat the devil out of him. God was gonna soothe his pain, his fears, his anguish. He would see, Momma liked to say. She had kissed him on the forehead, and he swore he had seen the devil on her shoulder, laughing at him.

The pain hadn’t convinced him to stop- he simply learned how to hide it better, how to keep things clean, how to stitch himself together on those nights that he fantasized about finding peace in death. He learned where to cut and how deep to dig- and eventually, Momma made herself forget it ever happened at all. Sometimes, he thought that she was afraid of God- of making him angry, of him turning his back on her. It’s why he didn’t tell her that every once in a while, he could feel the devil itself pumping through his veins. Taunting him.

The woman gently turns his arm, and he pulls himself from the memories, watching as her fingers caress his skin. She’s too trusting- doesn’t she see the danger that she’s in? How easily he could overpower her? This was a Godless house, no matter what Momma and Hoyt thought- he knew the truth. He knew that they were all rotten, inside and out. She would be ruined by them all if she stayed. He would ruin her with his sins-but his guilt wasn’t strong enough to stop his desires.

“It looks a lot worse than it is, doesn’t it?” she asks him, but he doesn’t answer- too busy watching the way she touches him- her touch making his breath deepen.

He likes the way she doesn’t mind that his blood is on her hands- twisted into the tiny cracks of her bracelet. She’s careful and slow as she traces the tip of her index finger above the crater he had created in his flesh. He’s almost tempted to push her hand down- to feel her flesh against the inside of his own, to have her hurt him before he could hurt her- but she moves her hand away before he can make up his mind.

“Okay…” she sighs, not letting go of him. “Show me what to do.”

He grunts in satisfaction, the weight of Momma finding out and the woman being punished lifting from his shoulders. Slowly, he turns the arm she cradled in her hands so that he was grabbing her instead- his hand swallowing hers.

He tries not to think about it too much as he tugs gently and finds no resistance in her steps. He almost smiles- lip twitching against the leather on his face as he leads her to the bathroom. Inside him, the devil starts to dance in glee.

The room is cold as he pushes open the door and pulls her inside before he follows. He can feel the cold seep into his thin shirt, see it with every exhale when he turns on the light and shuts the door, dropping the woman’s hand. She shivers and he wants to know if it’s from the cold or the fact that he’s no longer touching her.

The light flickers and dies for a couple seconds, leaving them in darkness before it turns back on- low and yellow like all the others in the house. It makes the woman’s skin look sickly- washing her out as she blinks and tries to get used to the light.

“We have to clean it,” she’s already walking around him, towards the sink. It’s a small one, too low for him to reach without having to bend his knees uncomfortably. Maybe that’s why she pauses mid-sentence- was she trying to picture him, hunched over as he scrubbed the dirt and blood and sweat from his arms?

The thought of her thinking about him- caring about him- splits him in two, a feeling that he’s never experienced before.

“Where are the towels?” she asks, turning around to face him. “If we lay some down on the floor it should keep the mess down a bit, right?”

He doesn’t tell her that it’s not a good idea- that a pile of soaking towels would raise questions that need to stay buried instead. So, he shakes his head, already closing the small distance between them.

The bathroom is small- all of them are. The tiles on the walls are a faded green color, some of them cracked- some of them are separated by mold- the caulk so old and weathered by age and neglect. He hopes that she doesn’t see them- his blood warming in embarrassment as he tells himself that he would fix them later, before she realized that this house was falling apart right under their feet.

The toilet and sink and the bathtub are old- not quite as stained, but still the same faded shade as the tiles that surrounded them. Under the harsh yellow light, it all looked a mess. At least it wasn’t like Hoyt’s bathroom- with too many colors and carpet all over the floors that trapped the smell of tobacco and sweat and soap, the steam that seemed to linger and stick to the walls doing nothing to lessen the stench.

He’s careful as he walks around her- suddenly aware of just how close they were. In here, with the door closed, being near to her seemed almost intimate in a way that he could not quite grasp.

He was used to being alone with people- usually they were screaming and begging, or already half-dead, delirious and confused from the pain and the blood loss. He was used to them thrashing and running and fighting back- hitting him with their fists, kicking him, throwing whatever they managed to get ahold of. They would always scare him when they did that- the pain eventually making him mad until he lashed out and hurt them on purpose.

They didn’t seem to understand that he didn’t want to make them suffer- that he was being kind- taking their lives quickly so that they didn’t have to be so afraid.

He was used to the screaming, the name calling- no matter how scared or afraid he got, he always knew how it would end.

With the woman, he had touched her- she had touched him- without screaming, without her begging or flinching or trying to run away. Out in the hall there had been enough space for him if he needed to get away, but here it was just the two of them- existing in a space that no one else seemed to belong in.

It terrified him just as much as it thrilled him. It made him feel the same way as when he had to chased down someone that had slipped out of his hold- but this time his mind wasn’t telling him to kill. This time, as he stood besides the woman, her eyes on him as he turned on the faucet and waited for the water to warm, something inside of him was telling him to chase her down in a completely different way- to keep her at his side.

Even if he had to chain her and train her- he did not want her to leave. He would not let her leave.

He remembers when he had first started at the Slaughterhouse, when he had been put to work with the cows- separating the babies from the mothers as soon as they were born. He would take them- carefully scooping them up in his arms, a child at the time, not knowing better, not knowing what it was that he was doing- and carry them to another part of the barn where he would drop them into cages so small that even he couldn’t fit inside.

They would cry and shake, unable to stand, unable to realize what lay ahead of them. He would feed them scraps he had stolen from the feeding center- oats or barley or even handfuls of grass from outside- shoving his hand through and letting them eat from his hand. They would calm down, even though they could not stand fully- their heads hunched over and pressed against the metal. He would show them that even if they weren’t going to live long- even if the world around them didn’t seem to care for them- they weren’t alone.

She did not have to be caged like them- though if he had to, he would keep her locked up if it meant keeping her beside him. Down in the basement where no one would hear her- where no one would disturb them, he would get her to see that he was a kind man, that he only wanted what was best for her.

She was already so much like the calves from back then- stupid and small and too trusting of him. It wouldn’t be hard to break her, to convince her that it was all her fault- that there was nothing left for her outside this home.

When the water heats up- steam rising and filling his lungs- he runs his fingers under the stream. Dirt and blood stain the sink, the hot water turning his fingers pink. It hurts, but not enough for him to stop. He rubs his hands together, the water turning pink as it drains. He can feel her eyes on him as he scrubs the grains of dirt from his skin.

For some reason, it embarrasses him- having her watch him do something so mundane and ordinary. He almost swore that he could feel the warmth from her eyes on his skin- hotter than the water. It makes the simple task suddenly seem foolish, makes him feel as if this was the first time he was doing it and he wasn’t sure if it was right or wrong.

With a grunt he tries to push the thoughts from his mind- cupping his hand and filling it with water before he splashes it onto his arm, onto the wound he had given himself. It makes a mess- water splashing onto his rolled sleeve and onto the floor, the sink too small to prevent the mess.

“Can I?” she says- and she’s suddenly closer than he had thought, her body pressed against his side. He can feel her through his shirt, through the thick fabric of her sweater. He swears that he can feel the softness of her body, the beating of her heart, the blood rushing through her veins on his very skin. It makes his heart leap into his throat- the sudden touch making him want to push her head into the glass of the medicine cabinet or pull her closer- he wasn’t sure which one he wanted to do most.

He stands still, body tense as she reaches for him, grabbing his arm and lifting it closer. She must have found the linen closet- an old, red washcloth in her other hand which she places underneath the running water. She hisses, pulling her hand away and opens the cold water.

“Doesn’t that hurt you?” she asks- and there’s no anger in her voice, no underlying judgement that has him tensing up, muscles rippling with dread that he had done something wrong. Momma liked to talk to him like that sometimes. She liked to ask questions that made him feel bad, that made him regret coming to her- guilty that he had bothered her. Hurt that she saw him as something bothersome.

He shakes his head, his way of telling her that no, it wasn’t hurting him. If he had a voice, he would tell her that his skin is so damaged that he could barely feel it, that some days he even preferred it- he liked the way his skin turned red and pulsed in a way that was almost comfortable, soothing.

“This will feel much better,” she holds her fingers under the water, and once it’s at a comfortable temperature she lets it run over the washcloth. “Tell me if I’m hurting you, okay?”

He nods sharply and she smiles at him- the corners of her mouth lifting. He expects her to rub the wound directly, desperate to clean it off before infection sets in. Instead, to his surprise, she wipes around the length of it- scrubbing gently at the blood matting the hair on his arm. The hand holding his arm is gentle, her fingers sinking into his soft flesh and holding him still.

He watches her- watches the concentration on her face that has her eyebrows knitted together as she wipes and rinses, repeating those two motions over and over and over again until his skin is cleaner- until the dirt is gone and there’s nothing left to hide the many sins he carried on his skin.

She pauses- and he can almost read her mind at that moment. He can see it in the tension in her wrist, feel it in the way her fingers tremble just a fraction of a second before they dig a little deeper into his arm. The feeling of her nails scratching at him isn’t painful, but it startles him just the same as if it were- a warmth growing in his chest that travels down to his belly and pools there- filling him with a different sort of sin.

He expects her to say something about the hundreds of tiny little cuts and bruises that she’s unearthed- he can feel it hang heavy in the air- his lips tingling from anticipation. From the worry that she would open her mouth and ruin it all.

It would either be disgust or pity- and he wanted neither. The scars were his to carry- his own punishment for his terrible deeds. Uncle Hoyt always cringed and acted like he didn’t see them- even though his mouth and face twisted as if he had eaten something sour. The pity always came from Momma- her hands on his as she prayed to God to take away whatever burdens he seemed to be carrying around in his heart. She wouldn’t touch them- maybe out of fear, or anger, or maybe just like Uncle Hoyt, she was disgusted as well- scared that if she touched the scars, they would somehow ruin her as well.

The corners of the woman’s mouth are still twisted down when she glances up at him- her eyes too dark to read. He wonders what he looks like in her eyes- what is it that she sees in him that no one else seems to see?

He waits for her to talk- to break the tense silence that’s choking him- but she doesn’t say a word, dropping her eyes as she picks up the bar of soap that’s been there for months. It almost slips out of her hand, and she lets go of him completely- his arm frozen in place, his body already missing hers. The tension disappears, as if nothing had ever happened, as if it had never been there to begin with. It rolls from the points of pressure that she had left behind on his flesh and up his arms. It moves in his veins, thick and syrupy- coating all of him in a feeling that’s doesn’t sit right.

Maybe he did want her to speak- to pity him after all. But the moment is gone, and he doesn’t have a voice to bring it back- to tell her what he was feeling, so he lets the discomfort drown him just a bit as he watches her act like nothing wrong had happened.

She rubs the bar between her hands, underneath the stream of water and his heart sinks at the thought of her cleaning all traces of him from her skin- he wanted to coat her in all that he was- his scent, his hatred, the bitter taste in his mouth that never seemed to go away- he wanted her to have it all, to carry him even if they were apart for a split second. An extension of him- equally as fearsome.

“Come here,” she motions for him to bring his arm towards her hands, letting the bar fall into the sink. Her hands are covered in soap as she takes his arm in between them- gently scrubbing from his wrist to the inside of his elbow, where his rolled-up sleeve sat. At first, she doesn’t touch the wound- and he can feel the hesitation in her fingers as she scrubs at his arm, circling around it. She scrubs at his skin, at the spaces between his fingers, taking his hand in her own and gently massaging it.

It's the first time anyone has done something like that to him- and while he can’t understand why she was being so thorough when it would have been easier to just hand him the soap and let him do it, he has no intention of stopping her.

He simply watches and enjoys- his mouth twisted into the closest thing of a smile that he could manage underneath his mask.

“Tell me if I hurt you, okay?” she says quietly, and it takes him a second to understand her words, his mind lost even to himself- her fingers lightly press against the cut as she speaks, drawing him back into reality. He tenses as she begins to clean it out, rubbing soapy water into it. It doesn’t hurt- not with how light and slow she moves her hand, her finger dipping into the hole he had scratched open. He expects it to hurt or sting or startle him- but pain doesn’t come. Instead, he groans in delight- enjoying the way her finger seems to be tearing into him, stretching his skin open. It’s like she’s making space for herself inside of him- forcing herself into the parts of him that held him together, sinew and muscle and blood- now poisoned with whatever sickness the woman had inflicted in his heart.

“Sorry!” she says quickly, pulling her hand away from him. The once white bubbles between her fingers are now a soft shade of pink, mixed with his blood. It all disappears down the drain as she rinses her hand, drying them on the front of her jeans.

He grows frustrated at the fact that there’s no way to tell her that she hadn’t hurt him- that he wanted her to do it again. That the pain she caused him was almost addictive- sweeter than the whiskey Uncle Monty sometimes let him have whenever he was in a good enough mood to share.

The woman motions for him to rinse his arm, already cupping her hands together under the faucet and letting the cool water pool between her hands. He angles his arm awkwardly into the sink and she lets the water trickle from between her fingers over his arm slowly. He watches as she repeats the motion, rinsing his arm- it’s so trivial and boring, yet he’s in awe as she takes care of him.

Without a second thought, the woman is already devoting herself to the mundanity of life with him. He could see it as she turns the water off and tells him to wait- as if he would leave her side, as if he could do something so absolutely stupid- subjecting himself to an agony he had no intention of experiencing firsthand.

He hears the closet door open behind him, making him turn around and look at the woman as she rummages through old fitted blankets, washcloths and towels until she finds what she needs. With one hand pressed against the pile of folded towels she pulls one free, tossing it over her arm. “I don’t know how long this has been here for-” as she talks, she moves onto her toes, stretching her arm out as she reaches for something on one of the top shelves.

He almost moves to help her, his body already swaying in place, eager to move, to make himself useful to the woman. But he spends too long trying to decide- her hand closing around whatever it was that she had seen earlier. She lets out a small noise of delight as she drops down to the balls of her feet, and it wracks through him, sending a shiver of warmth up his spine that spreads across his chest- tightening the muscles in his lower belly.

“Expired medicine and antibiotics are better than nothing, right?” She asks as he turns and faces him- lips curved up into a smile and he almost finds himself mimicking it- the corners of his lips twitching. He catches himself, hot embarrassment forcing his eyes to drop from her face- down to the small plastic medicine bin in her hands. It did not matter that he had his mask to hide behind, the way she looked at him made him feel as if she could somehow see through it- his face exposed for whatever ridicule and insults she would eventually throw at him.

 There are bottles of pills stacked on top of one another- the type that Momma used to give him when he was feverish. It would take his sickness as well as his hunger- leaving him too heavy to do anything but lay in bed until the heat of his body burned through the drug. There are other things as well- gauze and bandages, silver packages of pills he couldn’t identify, the label worn off a long time ago- a bottle of Vaseline, faded from the years sits next to a glass jar of Vapor-Rub. Looking at it, he swears that he can smell it even with how far away from the jar he was- even though his nose hasn’t worked properly for months, he feels the ghost of it wrinkle as he cringes from the offensive smell his mind reminds him of.

Momma used to slather him with it when he had first started working at the Slaughterhouse. He hadn’t been used to the smell of it back then and every day he went back had been miserable. The scent of death and blood and shit had soured his stomach until he had gone and thrown up the oatmeal Momma had made for breakfast all over his worktable. All over the slab of meat he had been told to break down. He can still remember the taste of animal blood on his tongue after he had wiped his mouth- forgetting that his hands and arms and chest had been covered in chunks of offal. His boss had called him every bad word under the sun-some were words that he had never heard before, now fully engrained in his mind, tearing at his heart once Monty had told him what they meant.

When he had gone home that night, after scrubbing his station clean- the blood mixing with his waste underneath his nails, in the strands of his hair and in between the cracks of his boots, Momma had slapped him. She had been waiting for him on the porch, her face twisted down in anger, the blue of her eyes dark and cold behind her glasses.

She had called him a great big idiot- uncaring of how dirty he had been, of how hard he had silently prayed to God for the day to hurry up and end so that he could leave and go home. At one point, when the bell for Lunch had rung and he was forced to stay and catch up to everyone else- his boss throwing what Momma had packed for him in the garbage before spitting on it with a laugh- he had wanted to die, his chest burning every single time he brought the cleaver down. He had wanted to die right then and there- to stop existing all together. To be nothing but the air around him- free from the bad people, from the stares, from feeling like all that he did was somehow inherently wrong. No matter if it was an accident or not, no one ever seemed to care enough to listen to him.

Momma had gotten a call from the Slaughterhouse- telling her that because of his careless mistake he would have to be let go. Momma had told him, as she dragged him to the hose out back, that she had begged and begged and begged for them to give him a second chance. They couldn’t lose his income, not with Uncle Monty getting less hours at his job and the Government cutting Uncle Hoyt’s veteran checks so suddenly. They were barely making ends meet as it was- this would ruin them.

She had yelled and shouted, spraying him with cold water until he was a shivering mess, the blood no longer crusted over on his skin. He could feel the cold water pooling in his boots, making his socks stick to his toes. It hadn’t even mattered to him then, his heart hammering away at his chest at the thought of never having to go back. Of not having to wake up so early to walk all the way to the other side of town in a place that he hated.

He didn’t even mind when Momma had beat him, welts forming on his wet skin from the belt she kept exclusively for punishments. The pain was nothing in comparison to when Momma had told him that she had made sure that he had kept his job.

They were going to cut his pay, a little every check, until he paid off the cost of the half cow he had puked all over. But he still had a job, he was still able to help the family out- wasn’t that good? Momma asked him, smiling at him like she hadn’t just beat him tired.

 Momma warned him that he couldn’t mess this up again. That there were no more chances after this- sending him up to his room with no dinner, his stomach already empty and rubbing against itself.

The morning after, when she had woken him up- his body sore from all the walking that he had done and the bruises forming on his back and legs- Momma had twisted open the jar of Vapor-rub for the first time, filling his room with the slightly sweet- minty smell.

She had bought it last night, right before the shop closed- with the bit of lose change she had managed to scrap together. It’s gonna help you from making another mistake she said right before she shoved a finger full of it into his nose. It was thick, and cold, burning the inside of his nose as he moaned in pain, trying to push Momma away before she shoved more into the other nostril. She had smacked his hand away, telling him that this was for his own good. That this was only until he got used to it.

He had moaned as tears began to form, shaking his head- trying to empty his nose, the burning crawling up into his head and making his eyes water painfully. Every inhale he took through his mouth burned its way to his lungs. Momma only slapped him again- telling him that this was his fault. That he had to do this for the family.

“You’re so selfish Thomas!” she shouted at him, holding his jaw and shoving another finger into his empty nostril. “There’s no room for useless boys in this house, do you understand?”

He couldn’t remember anything after that. His memories about that day lost to the pain he had put himself through. He remembers bits and pieces- the hunger. The burning. The anger.

He always seemed to remember the anger. Flashing through him- hot and cold, boiling his blood.

Something outside of his thoughts rattle and he’s once more standing in the bathroom, a man three times the size of the child that he had once been. Beside him, the woman had set the medicine bin on top of the toilet tank and was rummaging through it- the source of the noise that had brought him back.

He’s tense, the muscles in his neck thick and tight. He doesn’t like how he seemed to live more in his memories- constantly remembering all the things that he just wanted to forget. He didn’t want to remember, to be reminded of the pain he carried.

The woman glances at him, holding a small yellow squeeze tube and a roll of self-adhesive medical tape in one hand. Their eyes meet and she smiles at him, even though he can feel the way his face is twisted down into a scowl- his eyebrows heavy over his eyes.

He doesn’t mean to glare at her- to make her smile falter slightly as her eyes widen just a fraction. He could almost see himself in her eyes and he doesn’t like the him that he imagines. Large and imposing- a thing that only knows how to hurt, how to cause fear. He waits for the woman to realize her mistake- to realize that she was trapped in a small room with a monster.

“Give me your arm?” she asks him, holding out her right hand. “Let’s get you all wrapped up, okay?” her smile is still small, and he can see the wariness in her eyes, but when he places his arm in her hand she doesn’t flinch, she doesn’t rush him- wanting to get this over with.

She pulls him towards her instead, slender fingers wrapping around his forearm as much as possible. She tugs, and he moves- lightweight in her hold.

He’s aware of the muscles in his face- of how, even if he’s partially hidden behind his mask, his face sits. He makes himself relax- something that comes easy with the warmth of her hand on his body, easing the tension that he still carried from his memories. Her touch burned into him, filled him until he swore that he could feel her in his blood- pumping through his heart.

Her eyes don’t leave his as she pulls him closer, and motions with her head for him to sit down on the toilet. “It’ll be easier, that way you don’t have to keep your arm in the air.” She explains, shuffling out of the way to make space for him.

Underneath his weight, the toilet squeaks and shifts as he does as told, awkwardly sitting down. She’s taller than him like this, his head at the same level with her chest, making him have to tilt his head back just a bit to meet her eyes.

Her smile had grown in the time he had looked away- and he can’t help the heat that spreads across his face, his ears growing hot. Could she feel it? The warmth that she caused him? The uneasiness thrumming through him that had the tips of his fingers aching to touch her? To hold her like she held him?

“Can you hold this?” she asks, already dropping something into his expecting hand. It had been resting on his lap, calloused covered palm open and waiting- a beggar’s pose. The ointment and tape weren’t what he had been waiting for, but he takes them, closing his thick fingers around them.

What he didn’t expect was for her to lean over him with a mumbled “sorry”, her hand falling onto his shoulder as she reached for something behind him- inside of the medicine bin.

He doesn’t know what to do- his body freezing underneath hers as her neck grazes his mask covered face. It doesn’t last long- maybe a fraction of a second before she’s pulling away and dropping the hand from his shoulder, but it was enough.

Enough for him to inhale the light scent of her- woodsy and sweet and nutty- just the smallest hint of sweat underneath that. It reminded him of the baked goods Momma used to make for him on his birthday when he was small. It was comforting in the same way that it twisted his stomach with the pain of remembering something that used to make him so happy, something that had been taken from him so abruptly once Momma decided that he was too big to celebrate his birthday. Too old to be cared for.

The woman had been so close that he swore that he could almost hear the blood pounding through her veins. He had almost been tempted to turn his head and feel its pulse with his lips. To scratch her skin with his mask- the scent of her tainting it the same way it has already ruined his senses.

He could picture it- his teeth sinking into the warm and thin flesh she had so stupidly given him access to. It was almost scary- the way his mouth began to water at the thought of her blood on his tongue, raw flesh between his teeth. He wanted to fill his belly with it- to make her a part of him in a way that no one could take from him.

Would she taste as sweet as she smelled?

He swallowed down saliva, clearing the bad thoughts from his mind- scared that if he kept focusing on them, he would do something that he didn’t really want to do.  Something that he wouldn’t be able to take back, no matter how hard he begged and prayed and tried to undo.

He didn’t want to hurt her right now. No matter how hard his mind was telling him to do it- replaying all of the times that he could have done so. Showing him all of the ways that he still could.

He feels ashamed of his thoughts, of the temptation that he was barely keeping at bay- and finds himself unable to look at the woman as she rips open a piece of plastic, tossing it in the garbage can between the toilet and the sink. He keeps his eyes on the space between his legs, on her beat-up boots as she stands in front of him- sweet and unaware of what a horrible person he truly was. Of all that he was struggling to not do to her.

“Do you think Luda Mae is getting suspicious?”

The question startles him, reminding him of the world outside of the bathroom, outside of the woman in front of him.

“She’s probably thinking I ran away; don’t you think?” the woman’s laugh is small, feathery light. He doesn’t know how to answer- not knowing how long they had been up here. There was a possibility that Momma had grown suspicious, or maybe she thought that he had snapped and taken care of her in the only way that he knew how.

Vaguely, he shakes his head. Whether it’s to disagree with her or to tell her that he wasn’t sure- he let’s her decide on which one he’s trying to communicate. If Momma had been concerned, she would have come upstairs to check on her already, so he wasn’t too worried. He shrugs, and her laughter fills his ears again.

“Right. If you’re not worried, then I won’t be either. I just don’t want her to think that I’ve been a horrible guest- running off in the middle of helping her with dinner.”

He shakes his head again and this time its to reassure her that Momma wouldn’t think that. At least he hoped that she wouldn’t. The thought of Momma angry at the woman made his chest burn uncomfortably. An ache that slithered in the tight spaces between his ribs- hot and uneasy in its slickness.

“Well, what’s done is done, lets just get your arm bandaged. I might need your help facing her again.” The woman likes to talk with a smile, he’s noticed. It was as if her mouth had no other way to rest- the corners turned up towards the heavens, towards her eyes that liked to seek him out- unafraid of what she saw, of what others liked to look away from.

He wondered if she was joking- if she was just talking in order to fill the silence. He knew people who did that- people like Hoyt and his old boss at the Slaughterhouse, who had to keep their mouths moving or they would stop existing all together. He liked to think that if he had a voice, he would be like that too- not quite as annoying, but loud enough that people were forced to look at him, to listen to what he had to say.

He would tell the woman that he would keep her safe. That he wanted to go down with her and show Momma that she had done nothing wrong. That if anyone was to blame, it was him. It was his fault that she had stayed away for so long. He would hide her away from Momma’s anger- keep her tucked behind him- safe.

If he was being honest, he wasn’t sure that he wanted her to leave just yet. They could stay here a little longer- everything behind that door non-existent. He could make believe that Momma was still at work, busy with too many customers- outsiders who were just passing by, headed for more than the meat hooks in the basement of this house. That for a bit his uncle’s Monty and Hoyt didn’t exist. That the world was just for him and her.

That would be enough for him. He was almost tempted to ask God- to check and see if he was still paying attention to him after all that he had done.

The woman moves from in front of him and takes a seat on the edge of the tub, her knees rubbing against the outside of his thigh as she grabs his arm and places it on her lap. He can feel the buckle of her belt against his knuckles- his arm suddenly a solid weight as he feels the warmth that radiates from the space between her thighs.

 It crawls along his skin- up to his shoulder and through the space in his chest. It reminds him of the times that he’s stayed in one spot for too long, his limbs falling asleep. Though there was no uncomfortable pain this time- Instead it felt like a million little bugs were crawling around inside of him- a buzzing under his skin that he was unused to, but not disgusted by. It was something that maybe he could get used to.

It settles in his belly- thick and heavy and hot, stirring awake thoughts that felt too uncomfortable to focus on. Shamefully, he raises his eyes from the woman’s lap, trying to think of something other than the way her jeans clung to her thighs or how close his fingers were to the space between her legs- somehow hotter than the rest of her, the back of his hand burning pleasantly. He wanted to keep it there- to soak all of himself in her warmth until he knew nothing more.

He pushes the indecent thoughts from his mind, suddenly growing paranoid that the woman would find out what he was thinking about her. He didn’t want her to think that he was disgusting. Rotten just like Uncle Hoyt, who was obsessed with playing with their food.

“Is this uncomfortable for you, Tommy?” maybe it was because the silence had gone on for too long, but the woman whispers her question- her voice only for him, distracting him slightly as she reaches for the things she had given him, plucking them from his hand before he even had a chance to register the movement- her hand too fast that he barely feels the way her fingers skim his palm.

She’s already twisted open the bottle of ointment by the time he shakes his head- the cap balancing on the edge of her knee. With a hum she nods- her eyes focused on her own hands even though he wants her to look at him again. He wanted her to ask him more questions- her voice tender and sweet whenever she spoke to him. He wanted her to distract him for his thoughts that liked to pull him away from her- and right now he wanted to stay right here, to not miss a single moment.

The ointment is cold against his skin- the woman squeezing a light amount right above the wound. He can feel it cleansing away all of his wickedness- her finger swiping at it until it’s in the deepest layer of his flesh, leaving nothing behind but an oily residue that coated her thumb. Without a pause she sticks a piece of gauze on top- taping it up until the gauze is well hidden under flesh colored medical tape.

He had found it in the pocket of one of the first of Uncle Hoyt’s guests- setting it aside for Momma along all of the jewelry he had collected. Maybe it was for a reason that he had second guessed his decision to throw it away. Maybe that had been a sign from above that you were on your way- that God hadn’t abandoned them after all.

The woman is gentle as she pats the covered wound and leans back a bit to meet his expectant eyes. What does she see in them- in him- that makes her look at him so sweetly?

“You’re all set. How’s it feeling? It’s not too tight, is it?”

[facefullofsadness]

May i request a bbangsaz mommy kink and degredation fic? With hanni as the top minji's too nice. Maybe a sprinkling of bondage? 🗣

sorry this one took so long, it was sitting in my head for a while. hope you enjoy it anon!

content - popular meangirls!bbangsaz x student!reader (high school!au), smut (threesome, mommy kink, degradation, slight bondage, loss of virginity, cunnilingus, fingering, forced public sex, edging)

wc - 1857

a/n - had to delve deep into my writer headspace to try and think of how to write this bc nwjns girlies are my SWEET BABIES! but but I can find my own way to write it, I'm just so cool like that ;)

kim minji and pham hanni, resident popular girls of the school.

conjoined at the hip and strutting through the hallways like it's their own personal runway. these two were known to actually be really nice and generous, volunteering together around the school and yelling at bullies that would corner defenseless students.

that's what you had heard anyway. so, it came as a total shock and surprise that they were the ones cornering you, a defenseless student in an empty classroom. the three of you were assigned to be groupmates for a project, but they were too lazy to carry their end of the work load. and instead of sucking up to just finish it, they threatened you to do it!

"c'mon y/n-ie, just do it and nothing bad will happen, I promise!" hanni was always known to be a sweet talker, even as she has her hands pinning your shoulders against the wall, pressing hard enough it hurt.

her voice dripped with honey but her actions stung like the queen bee she was. minji watched quietly behind her, the taller girl's arms crossed and humming through a pleased smirk that rest on her lips.

"j-just let me go! I-I'll do the work, but just let me go..." you plead with the shorter girl who you felt so small against, your hands clutching at her blazer.

"mm, I don't know now, I'm having some fun with you. what about you minji? what do you think?" hanni's sweet voice masked with malice.

"she's too cute to let go of right now, I agree," the long dark haired girl says simply, walking up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, "we can teach her a thing or two, bet she's a virgin."

the soft evil giggles from the other girl fill the empty room, "looks it! but she seems like such a whore. I mean why is her skirt so short? just asking to be taught a lesson. and her tits are practically spilling out! it only makes sense for us to do something about this."

it wasn't your fault your assets were busty and voluptuous that the school issued uniforms didn't fit properly, but to hanni and minji, it only fueled them on to punish you for how you slutted yourself out for the whole school to see!

hanni tearing your blazer off and ripping your shirt open, the buttons flying everywhere around the classroom. you felt as her hands flew up to trail your bare sides and slip under your bra, cupping your sensitive breasts.

"no! stop!" you whine desperately under the mean girl's touch.

"play nice hanni," minji calls from behind the girl.

the former rolls her eyes and scoffs, "oh please, you were the one that said you wanted to teach her something."

the latter sighs, "yeah, but a pretty girl hasn't asked us to stop before, feels a little wrong."

you shut your eyes closed at the feeling of hanni's thumbs rolling against your nipples as the two continue to talk, "she'll start to enjoy it soon, don't worry, they always do."

"isn't that right? you're just a doll for us to play with, aren't you?" she whispers lowly into your ear.

"not when you talk to her like that geez," minji comments again, hearing her voice get closer to the opposite side hanni was on.

you feel the tall girl's lips trail the side of your neck, leaving gentle kisses against it. you resist the urge to moan out at the feeling.

"ugh, I'm too impatient," hanni states before flipping your body over and pressing your front against the wall.

you feel her hands trail up your thighs and grope your ass.

you hear a genuine gasp followed by a sinister chuckle, "are you actually just a slut y/n? why are you just wearing underwear? did you want us to fuck you?"

her fingers trail across your slit through your panties.

"and you're fucking soaked! you're into this shit, aren't you? who would've thought such a studious goody two shoes virgin like you would be dripping at being treated like a whore by two popular girls! how intriguing!"

you whimper at her words and teeth nipping at your ear, hands on your thighs, pressing her front against yours and pinning you painfully against the wall.

"hanni please..." you plead out for nothing in particular.

it felt so wrong that you wanted her to stop, but it felt so good that you couldn't tell her to.

"hm? what was that? please what y/n? use your words," her digit presses against your hole while her thumb rubs your clit agonizingly through the thin and damp material.

"I-I'm... I can't, I don't..." you ramble, not knowing to say due to your dilemma.

"hmph, listen," you feel the girl's hot breath hit your neck as her mouth trails up until she's whispering in your ear, "I'll give in to what you want, what I know you want. my pretty little doll just has to call me mommy and I'll grant all your little dirty sinful wishes."

the smile you feel on your skin sends chills down your spine. how did it escalate to this?

"I..."

"y/n-ie, do yourself a favor and listen to hanni, it won't end very well for you if you don't, unfortunately," minji interrupts your thoughts.

"see? you know me so well!" the mentioned girl says, hearing her smile in her voice.

"I'm just looking out for the poor girl," she states with a pout.

"oh boohoo minji, she's literally fine. if anything, she's enjoying it! look at how wet she is," you feel the material of your underwear be pushed to the side before hanni's fingers slide through your entire slit, gathering your slick.

you bite your lip and muffle a moan at the contact. the short girl shoves her fingers towards the tall girl's face, showing her the sticky pleasure that dripped from your cunt.

"go on then, taste it, I know you've been dying for this too," hanni waves her fingers in front of minji's face.

the latter grumbles but proceeds to grip the latter's wrist, "I hate you by the way," she mutters before licking her fingers, slowly dragging her tongue along each digit, savoring your taste.

you rest your forehead against the wall and close your eyes, trying really hard not to look at the erotic scene occurring next to you. you feel a hand in your hair and it pulls your head backwards until you're facing the ceiling, neck exposed. your eyes shoot open at the action of teeth sharply sinking into your shoulder before retreating just as swift as they sank.

"hanni!" you shriek.

"please just listen..." you hear minji's desperate plea next to you, her hot breath hitting your sensitive neck.

"don't tease anymore, please..." you finally whisper.

"well, you know what to do then," the girl who bit you licks at the red marks that remain.

"m-mommy, please just... just fuck me..." you feel a tear run down your cheek, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable.

an amused giggle leaves hanni's mouth, a sweet but devilish sound, "that's a good little slut."

you're manhandled towards a desk nearby, hanni roughly bending you over it and flipping your skirt up. you wince a bit at the pain from hitting the desk, but it's quickly replaced by the feeling of your wrists being grabbed and held behind your back. you feel material bind your hands together (hanni's tie) quite tightly.

"don't panic, I'll give you exactly what you want," the girl behind you reassures (though you're not comforted).

minji comes into view in front of you, her hand under your chin holding it up to look at her.

"hi pretty. I wanna have my fun with you too, I don't think hanni should get all of you to herself," the girl caressing your cheek smiles.

she stands, hand cupping your cheek still. her other hand goes to lift her skirt up, exposing her dampened underwear. at that moment, you feel your own panties get pushed aside and fingers slide up and down your entrance.

"I'm gonna fuck your pussy while minji fucks your face! sound good?" you have no time to respond as you feel two fingers slip into your cunt.

your mouth opens to moan but is muffled by the girl in front of you shoving her clit into your face, her sigh filling your ears.

"use your tongue princess, come on," minji breathes out.

you obey, digging your face into the dark haired girl's core, tongue flicking over her clit and darting into her hole. you whimper against her as hanni's digits quicken their pace in you, her fingers curling to hit that delicious spot inside.

"ha, look at this slut! she's fucking moving by herself!" the girl behind you says amused.

you hadn't realized but she was right, your hips moved back against hanni's hand desperately, chasing your ever growing pleasure building in your stomach.

"ignore it angel, just keep going like that, it feels so good," the girl in your mouth sighs, her hand moving from your cheek to lace through your messy hair, massaging your scalp.

the whiplash between the two girls' attitudes towards you was dizzying. hanni felt like fire while minji felt like ice, one was vicious with her words while one was caring and careful with them. they must've stayed together for so long due to the opposites attract ideology.

your eyes squeezed shut at the slap that stung on your ass, the thrusting of hanni's fingers speeding up every second. you moan against minji's soaked pussy as another digit enters your clenching cunt.

"g-good girl, so good, feels s-so fucking good," minji mumbles above you, the grip in your hair tightening and pushing your face further into her.

"take it whore, take all of it," hanni behind you chants, feeling her place kisses on your ass.

"I'm so close," the tall girl gasps.

"hurry up, I want my turn," the short girl presses her thumb to your clit roughly.

"be- fuckkk... be patient, you've b-been playing with y/n this w-whole time," minji struggles through her sentence.

"so you can eat her out next geez, I'm looking out for you, you know!" hanni smirks before you feel her tongue drag against your entrance all the way back.

the vibration from your scream into minji's pussy has her clutching your scalp and stilling her hips, her moans fill the room and you feel her cum rush into your mouth. you drink all of it and give her kitten licks to guide her through her orgasm. her thighs tremble against you as your own legs shake from hanni's onslaught and abuse of your cunt. but it all suddenly stops when she pulls out her hand and slaps it against your clit a few times before pulling away completely.

you whine out a loud "no" in desperation, minji's hand combing through your hair to try and calm you down.

"don't you worry your pretty little lust filled brain dolly, we're just starting!"

all for a goddamn group project.

[bpcr3yes]

Hello again, lately I've been obsessed with Valeria Garza and I decided to write some headcanons about her because I'm tired of only talking to bots 💀

VALERIA GARZA HEADCANONS (realisct maybe?) (a little subjective??? I don't know)

She is a woman with a strong personality, fearless, focused, stubborn, arrogant.

She is el sin nombré, owner of the biggest cartel in Latina America, she certainly had many women. She has a preference for chubby women, she likes to squeeze, you would probably be an anti-stress ball for her.

I have a lot of doubts about her being bisexual or lesbian (or straight if we could even add that option) but I believe she is a lesbian, a furious one at that, about her relationship with Alejandro I believe she used him (she appears to have a personality narcissistic and manipulative) she used him to get information so her plan could work.

I believe that when she was a soldier in the armed forces, she was totally confident and determined, many men were around her because she was beautiful (and hot) so she had a razor instead of a tongue I believe, she was always shouting insults or belittling men, only with her commanders she was more... well-behaved.

In the interrogation part, we see her tell Alejandro that she didn't take orders anymore, but then you can understand that he was her commander, and she was certainly angry with him.

After she became owner of the cartel, her life became extremely stressful, she doesn't trust any of her men (I think Diego was an exception) she believes if something needs to be done it's perfectly fine to have a woman do it because she thinks men they don't think.

I like to think that she has a trophy wife that she only takes to events like parties, bars and meetings. The wife's only job is to stand there being pretty and not say a single thing.

Now let's talk about this truly passionate woman of ours.

If you are in a long-term relationship (5 or 3 years) she would be completely in love with you. The type of wife who comes home and gives you a long kiss and hug, to make up for lost time.

Every month you go out to eat at a fancy restaurant and then spend the night together. (a long night I can say)

In public, like at events or on the street when you go out together, she rarely shows any type of physical touch, she prefers to remain secret. When she's in the Cartel it's totally different, she makes a point of kissing and grabbing you in front of everyone without caring, she would probably touch you sensually in front of her men but if someone is bold enough to think they can have fun together, She shoots twice. One on the head and the other on the penis.

She is a possessive woman, she would politely (not so politely) ask you to have her initials tattooed on your hip. She would also have a tattoo about you on the back of her neck.

about Family, this part is a little confusing when I create the headcanons. Most of the hcs I read said that she had mommy issues, I believe she was a daddy's girl, while her mother was narcissistic to the extreme, always belittling her for simple things.

Her mother probably had a lot of problems with medication. I also think that Valeria always had an attitude, never lowering her head to anyone. No matter the occasion.

Her family on her father's side loved her and disliked her mother, she probably had kind and caring grandparents and aunts. I like to think that she spent a lot of time with her grandmother, cooking, helping her with everything.

She must have had cousins too, she and them would turn the house upside down.

There's a part in the interrogation scene where Alejandro is saying that she ruined the army and he says "and your brother too?" It makes me think that Valeria joined the army to prove that she had the same value as her older brothers (to prove to her mother that she was capable too)

I imagine her brothers being strong, big and courageous lieutenants, she could be close to one of the two, while she didn't even make a point of saying good morning to the other.

that's it for now ♡

[envy-of-the-apple]

LOVE the new fic. The betrayal literally made me tear up.

I was just curious would Gojo have given up on Ms. Moon if she were married or maybe had a kid.

oh fu c k such a good idea whydidn'tithinkofthis- (this got so long i am so sorry)

in the fic, ms.moon is pretty traumatized after the gojo incident to have any real relationships after.

But maybe ms.moon gets into therapy, works through the issues of intimacy. You meet someone, nice, kind. You settle down, have a kid. It'll be nice for a few years...but when gojo comes back into your life. he'll shut it down quick.

Gojo's worse than his high school self now. He might not beat your husband up, but that might be a blessing compared to the tsunami he's about to havoc on your family. Using his connections, he'll make sure your husband never finds a job in the entire city, the entire region even. He might even dig up something your husband did in his past, a small drug problem he had with highschool-something that would get swept under the rug normally, but with Gojo's scrutiny, it's about to become a lot bigger.

You could stop it. With enough begging. After you'd cry your heart out, he'd shush you, wiping away your tears, saying that he'd forgive you for your transgressions.

You'd be expected to divorce your husband. Your husband would be pretty pissed with your flimsy reasoning of 'my childhood bully isn't done with ruining my life' but then he'd remember that there is a reason the Gojo family is so big. And they don't take kindly to competitors who stand in their way. You'd understand why he lets you walk away without a fight, but a part of you wished he would have pushed more, even if the result would have remained the same.

It's your child who suffers the worst through all of this. Maybe you had a daughter. Perhaps gojo would be a bit more tolerant towards her if she looked like you but she was clearly her father's daughter. In the past, you adored it, now it's another curse for you.

You have to keep her away, for her sake. Gojo is already more than upset that you dared to start a family without him. Besides, why would you want her with you? Why would you want her to suffer under gojo's whims?

A part of you has to admit that it's also for your sake. You don't want your daughter to see you like that. Weak, rolling under that man's thumb.

She's probably just a toddler when you have to leave. She's too young to understand when you say 'mommy's going away for a while'. Maybe you'd lie to her, say that you're going overseas and when she asks if she can come with you, you'd shake your head because talking anymore would be too much because Satoru's waiting in the sleek black car right on the curb. It doesn't matter what you say, she screams and sobs the entire time.

You don't touch your ex-husband, you don't even hug because you know Satoru's watching. You just ask him to take care of her before you walk into the car, getting into the passenger seat. Your daughter's still begging you to come back. You make sure the car is out of her sight before you start sobbing.

There's a hand on your thigh, squeezing, a mocking act of comfort. You're sure Satoru's grinning.

"Aw. Don’t cry, baby," you can barely hold yourself back from slapping him, though you doubted even pain would wipe that look off his face.

The hand drifts up your thigh, playing with the hem of your pants.

"Once we have our own kids, you’ll get way too busy to think about your old one.”

[bluexphoria]

⤳ 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐃

pairing. modern!aegon targaryen x fem!reader

summary. an unlikely friendship born out of coincidences and choices neither of you would have ever made had it been any other time. but here you are and here he is. friends. even when you two should have been anything but. even when you two should have been nothing at all.

word count. 4.8k (this is long, sorry)

warnings. modern au. toxic friendship. addiction. drug use. alcohol use. cursing/swearing. bad language overall. unreliable narrator. aegon is bad but you are no better. extremely complicated friendship, the question "so what are we?" hangs over your head like a haunting ghost. reader has MAJOR mommy issues, yes i am is self projecting. Aegon has his fair share of issues with his family but really, nothing new. implied relapsing and implied threats of suicide (not by aegon or reader). Unrequited love (debatable). Possible grammar mistakes. oh and very reader centric.

notes. i'm gonna be honest guys, this is my first fanfic (probably also the last) and i'm genuine not sure about anything in this lmao (im having a panic attack) but anywayss this one is for you @fishyfables hope u like it <333

It's past midnight and you're parked somewhere, somewhere you don't even know. There is a man beside you, looking somewhere and seeing something that you don't see. There isn't a smile on his face, because you are alone, because he doesn't have to pretend.

He reaches for your seat belt, unbuckles it with experienced hands; his pretty, quick, and skilled fingers brush against your body. And he has lovely eyes, like a pair of amethyst carved into his eye socks and he looks at you in the way he shouldn't look at you.

Yet he always looks at you like this. Dazy, glossy, and desperate. You reach over and nod at him.

There is a man in your car, because it is past midnight and you are his friend, possibly his only real friend, the only one he can trust. Or so you like to think. Maybe it's because you are the only one who is sober enough to pick him up while his other friends are getting worse than him.

There is a man in your car, and then there is a man on top of you — leaning over your body, he caresses your cheeks and whispers how you should leave him (you can't leave him, he holds you too tight), how you can find better friends (he never allowed you to get close to any other people enough to know them and be friends) and how pretty you are, too pretty for him, too good (you are not. He doesn't know that you are not, because he doesn't want to know you. He likes the way you are in his imagination — untouchable, perfect, and flawless).

There is a man in your car, and you think he might just kiss you this time. He doesn't. He never does. Instead, he breaks down into tears, his hands slips from your cheeks to your shoulders and he buries himself to your chest, fucking up your shirt with tears and snot and whatever else he had his lips on that night. He apologizes, he always does, but you know better than those are not meant for you.

There is a man in your car, you drive him to his house, get him out of his dirty clothes and help him into a bath. You tuck him to his bed, and he begs you to stay with him.

You don't.

(Note that: he never means it.)

You met Aegon during the end of your first year at college.

It was a party that was thrown by your friend's friend's friend, or whatever. You hadn't have many plans for the night. Dress up and feel pretty, dance with your friends if you feel like it, have a drink or two (as always, you were the designated driver), and maybe hook up with someone. You deserved it, managing to pass most of your classes, you damn right you deserved it.

And most of the night went according to your plans. Except: him.

He was never a part of the plan. No sane person would ever include him in their plans.

He was standing over there, talking with a few boys, laughing the loudest. He looked…messy. You would learn that it was not an occasional thing but rather a consistency. He always looked out-of-place, wrongly put together.

And Aegon, with his messy silver hair and purple eyes adorned with dark circles under them, you knew him, or at least heard about him enough — who hadn't?

The son of the infamous Viserys Targaryen — a big guy with bigger money and a bigger name. Coming from old money, managing to adapt to the modern world and its technology and doubling or even tripling their wealth by getting into the business world. Companies, markets, whatever one could think of. Their name was branded on the boards, to places, hotels and channels. TargCo.

Oh yeah, you knew about him.

He was the biggest stain splat on the brand, golden name "Targaryen". Even if the family had their notorious members in the past, Aegon outdid them in his short span of twenty years of life. Scandals after scandals, his face on the news and papers; his name falling from everyone's mouth.

His name was almost like a legend; one that a mother would tell their child as a bedtime story, a scary story, to make sure their child would stay away from things and behave.

He wasn't around the campus much, maybe a few times you recalled your friends talking about him, about seeing him. He didn't need to attend to pass the classes. He just needed to make sure to call the right person, or make the right person to call the dean. Whatever he was doing, it worked.

That piece of shit.

You had to admit that at least one week (especially during the finals week), you cursed his name so much that if god was real, Aegon would have been miserable by now, if not dead.

But he seemed happy. That night, he seemed happy. And he was laughing, loudly, unashamedly that you didn't doubt it. (You would learn that Aegon had never been genuinely happy, not once in his life, but he always seemed like it.)

And most of all, he looked human. That's what irritated you that night.

He looked so approachable, so like any other guy, so attainable, so easy to reach.

So you did. You walked up to him — a faint smile, little laughs, touches on the shoulder, having a few shots together, whispers in the ear, legs brushing each other and that was it. The next thing you knew, he had his hand on your waist, leading you to one of the unoccupied rooms, stumbling with his steps, complimenting you or your dress or your make up — you didn't remember much, honestly. You didn't really care enough to listen, knowing that most of them were memorized and overused words that each girl who gave him just the right amount of attention heard.

It was never supposed to be a friendship. It really wasn't. You just had to have what you heard so much about from girls who got into his bed and then fuck off and regret it in the morning and forget about it completely in a month.

And you were close to getting what you wanted — everything seemed as it was supposed to be. A drunk boy and a drunk girl (no longer the designated driver), in a room during a frat party, both wanting the same thing.

His hands under your dress, his mouth on yours. You wanted to bite his lip, dig your teeth into the pink flesh and draw blood. You never knew why. You just didn't like him enough to hurt him but also mark him but mostly hurt him and maybe more so to make him remember you in the morning when he looks at the mirror.

You held back. (You usually do.)

His touch was greedy, that you remember impeccably. He was taking more than he was giving.

And then his phone rang. Once, twice, three times and until he couldn't ignore anymore. Until he had to groan and pull away from the kiss, muttering an excuse under his breath ("give me a second") and turning his back to you.

You remember the frustration you felt, wondering if there was something wrong with him or maybe something wrong with you because you did wait, you sat on the bed, looking at the chaotic room and waiting for him to finish his phone call in the hallway and return to you. You were drunk and determined and horny, and so you would finish what you started.

You didn't.

He returned, but his hands were shaking, his steps more miscalculated as his chest heaving with loud gasps. His eyes were red, his look was unfocused. And now looking back at it, you are sure that for a moment he had completely forgotten about you and your presence in the room.

And if you hadn't gone to his assistance when he suddenly began puking out everything he drank, perhaps he wouldn't even remember you. That would be a better outcome; he would just vomit and get up and maybe go into the shower and you would sneak out like you had never been there, like you were merely a ghost.

But you helped him. You held him, wiped his mouth when he was done, carried him to the bathroom to clean his face and offered to give him a ride home.

Unfortunately, he agreed.

Though, you didn't drive. You were in no right mind to hold a wheel. You called a cab and for some reason, you went with him. You two sat at the backseat, his head laid on your lap, your fingers gently playing with his hair and he was telling you about the things you should have never heard.

About his mum — the unexpected caller. About his dad, which came out of nowhere. About his childhood, and even about his brother for some reason. And he had a half-sister. His family was huge, which was known by everyone who knew him or knew the name Targaryen.

But Aegon had no family. He never did. That was the secret.

And he told you more, more than you wanted to hear, less than he actually wanted to tell someone.

And you held him. You didn't let go, through the whole ride to his place because of course he had his own place during college years. And you didn't let go when you helped him through the steps, and then into his shower, then to his bed. And he pulled you in. He had your hands and you didn't let go.

Or, he didn't let go. It was hard to tell.

There are stories in you that you wish to take it to the grave; or even better, forget it all. Most of them are not even yours.

Like the one time when your mother confessed that she had never wanted this, neither wanted you. How she was once your age, how she wanted to be more, to have more, to live more — and how she almost made it out. But then she had you. And she cried. She was drunk, you weren't. She held you; hands like clamps, dug around your flesh, almost bruising but bruising like lovemaking. You tucked her tight but never left the room.

Like the time when you heard your friend talking to her girlfriend on the phone, begging, pleading to take her back. ("I didn't mean to, honey. I promise — I promise! I was good! I was doing good! Please come back, I'll do better. I'll get clean again — swear, I swear, I will, please! No you can't! Fuck you! Fuck you for leaving me! You are no fucking different than the rest! Fuck you! You know what, I'm gonna fucking do it! You'll regret it, you'll miss me but I won't be there, you ungrateful—") Then a big crashing sound, you recognized it immediately; something thrown at the wall. Her phone, mostly. And then herself. You changed your mind from knocking, you forgot what you were there for in the first place.

And there are times when… When Aegon.

Just Aegon. On the passenger seat, or on a couch, sometimes in his bed, sometimes in your bed. He is mostly drunk or sometimes high, occasionally both.

He holds you, and you hold him. His lips on your skin, and your hands under his shirt. He whispers.

You deserve better.

I love you.

You are my best friend.

You are my only friend.

You deserve better.

You never reply. There is no better. Because it is never about him, the problem is never him. You will never find yourself where you should be because you don't know where that is.

But he is familiar.

He stinks of alcohol, he cries a lot, he admits things he could never say to someone else while holding onto you, and he never remembers anything the next day. (You do. Oh you do.) He touches you and kisses you and it doesn't mean anything. There is no love in his affection; it's not about you, it's about him. He needs this. He needs someone; someone to listen to him, someone to carry him home, someone to understand him, someone to not judge him, someone to be there.

You can't be you but you can be someone. That is familiar too.

And he doesn't love you.

Not even when he pulls you to himself as if he wants to bury himself in you and hide there forever, not even when he begs you to fix him, not even when he takes you with him to wherever he goes because you have to be there to pick up the pieces, not even when he tells you how much he loves you, and how glad he is to have you in his life. And that is the most familiar; that is what you know the best.

He doesn't love you.

And your mother didn't love you.

And sometimes there is a fear that maybe you don't either.

(Note that: he is not what you are searching for.)

(Note that: he is everything you will ever search for.)

"Y'know, there is still time for us to make a U-turn…"

He laughs, shaking his head as he changes the song. First mistake was to let him pick the music.

No, the first mistake was to ever agreeing to this.

"Stop complaining. They are not exactly the best parents out there, but they are…hospitable people," Aegon grins.

You sigh, fingers tapping on the wheel as you try to keep your focus on the road. You are his unofficial driver, yes, ever since he managed to crush the last car he had while drunk driving and his father refused to buy him a new one to teach him a lesson.

Maybe that's why he keeps you around, who knows.

"I don't know, Aeg," you begin, your eyes darting between the road and him. He is leaning his shoulder against the window, whistling a melody that doesn't rhyme with the song. "After spending two years listening to you bitch about your family, I'm not sure if I can pretend to like them to their faces."

"'Course you can!" He amuses, flashing that full tooth grin at you as always. "You are the best liar I know."

"Oh fuck off," you roll your eyes. You don't exactly understand what he tries to say, or where he is coming from, but you are sure it is probably about any time you lied to your professors or your other friends.

You smirk faintly, turning to him for a moment. "You look good today, by the way."

Now, he is the one rolling his eyes. He slaps your shoulder, huffing like a child.

It always satisfies you to wipe that stupid grin off of his face. It is a victory.

One that maybe a friend shouldn't enjoy.

"Yeah, yeah. Keep that up, pretty, and I'm sure you'll get along with my family no time," he mutters, scoffing before changing the song again. He really can't commit to anything, always getting bored too quickly and always gives up half the way.

The rest of the ride goes quickly. Aegon sings along with the annoying songs he always picks, only the ones he knows you hate but you're too deep in your head to be as irritated as usual.

You don't know why he invited you to meet his family. Really. You don't even know why he accepted to see them and didn't make an excuse to skip a get-together like he usually does.

Maybe his father has gotten worse. But from what you know, Viserys has never, ever, been good. And Aegon pretends good enough for you to sometimes think that he wouldn't show up to his father's funeral when the day comes.

Maybe it's about his mother, and whatever complicated relationship they have going on. Because he never has the guts to loudly reject her, for some reason, despite always complaining about Alicent to you.

Or maybe he missed his family…

…

Yeah no, not that. For sure.

Whatever it was, he asked you to drive him. And when you said that he could just take a flight or a bus, he rolled his eyes.

"It would be a waste of money to buy two seats when you already have a car."

First of all, he was rich, so fuck him for complaining about money. And second of all, he didn't even ask you if you wanted to come. You had to. He decided this was the time you would finally meet the Targaryens.

And well, you don't have anything better to do that week, so…

You are driving and he is in the passenger seat, which is basically now his seat. The drive had been hours long and it really isn't that enjoyable to spend hours stuck in a limited space with your best friend where you can't take a moment to get out and clear your head to recharge because while you love him, absolutely and completely, he is too much sometimes.

When you finally see the trees that adorn the huge garden of the estate — of course they own a family estate and possibly more than one — you let out a relieved breath.

"Here it is! Chateaux de Targaryen!" Aegon exclaims beside you and you can't help but laugh. Just a little. "C'mon! You're going to hate it here! Let's go."

You've always imagined Alicent Targaryen as a cold woman — no flinch, no smile, hardened eyes and rough hands. You don't know why. (You do. It's Aegon. It's always Aegon.)

But she is…nothing like that. She is gentle, in a way that throws you off. Gentleness seems so misplaced, so unfit on her. She is a woman made to rage, but she looks so faint, like a lingering ghost that is never ready to finally let go.

It's hard to imagine her as cruel as her son depicts. But then again, you are not her son. She is not your mother. There must be a difference.

She is a hospitable though, as Aegon promised. She makes good small talk but not too friendly. She makes sure to act curious about your life and she reacts to everything you tell her.

Viserys is not that bad either. He is… he is barely there. You haven't gotten a chance to talk to him, only saw him from afar while his wife helped him to walk in the gardens. He looks dead, with a smile and sad eyes.

Unlike Alicent, he seems eager to let go.

It's Aegon's brother that lights the bub above your head. You understand the hesitation why Aegon never wants to come home.

Aemond is perfect. There is no other word to describe him. He is handsome, respectful, well-mannered, confident, talks just enough, listens just enough, laughs just enough. Even his flaws, like the eye patch and the mocking smirk or the belittling look he throws at Aegon from time to time seems to add to his charm.

The difference is, Aemond is loved. By the house workers, by Helaena's kids, by the guests and distant family members and most importantly, by Alicent. She is proud of him and it is too easy to tell.

And you can see the green envy filling your best friend's eyes whenever Alicent pats Aemond's shoulder, praises him on his studies or whatever he has done because he does everything perfectly, gentle forehead kisses Alicent gives him whenever she stands up from the table… None of that you have seen received by Aegon.

And that is when you understand— truly understand Aegon.

And your hand finds his under the table, giving him a squeeze and he returns it. Your eyes meet and you nod at him.

I'm here.

I'm here.

That's why you are there. That's why he had taken you with him. That's why he takes you everywhere.

You don't talk much, you don't smile a lot but you have hands and that's enough for Aegon. That's all he needs. Limbs to wrap around him, skin to warm his flesh, a warm breath to feel against his to remind him that you are there — and he's there too.

He exists, he is there, he is seen, he exists.

(Note that: sometimes you are just hands.)

He sneaks into your room (the guest room) when everyone has gone to bed. You are awake, you are waiting for him.

You greet him with an eye roll and he ignores it. He takes you out of the room, both of you walking on tiptoes as he takes you somewhere only he knows — and now you too. He makes sure to stop by the kitchen to 'borrow' a bottle of wine, of course.

The house estate is surrounded by woods that look like shadows tangled after midnight. You complain about the chilly weather and he doesn't give you his jacket ("And why didn't you bring yours?") but he wraps his arm around you, pulling you to his side as you walk.

There is a big rock deep in the woods, enough for four people to sit on and there is a small opening encircling it.

"I used to sneak out to here. I found it when I was like — nine, ten, or something, maybe even twelve," he says as he holds your hand and pulls you to his side to sit down.

You hum. "How did you find it?"

He pauses, one second, two, three and then shrugs. "I ran away. Tried to."

Nine or ten, maybe twelve and he had already tried to run away. It's no big surprise that he turned out this way.

You don't say anything, you know he doesn't need you to even though he might have preferred if you did.

And so, he continues.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I just, I think I had a fight with mum and ended up slamming the door which made her furious. I remember screaming my first swear word to her and I immediately regretted it. Then I just…left. I don't know. Maybe I thought that if they couldn't find me for a day or two, they would be so worried that they would forget they were even mad in the first place. It seemed smart."

"It wasn't."

"I was seven. I didn't need to be smart."

You don't comment on the slip up.

Aegon sighs and reaches for your hand, intertwining your fingers. His grip is a little too tight, so you hold him tighter.

"I spent a night and a half, waiting for them to find me. I was sitting on this rock, waiting and waiting. They didn't. And I was hungry, and thirsty so I went back." Another pause, a squeeze. "They were even more furious than I had left them. That was the first time my mother had ever raised her hand to me. It wasn't the last."

You lean your head against him, giving him a nod to make sure he knows that you're listening. Your full attention is on him.

"They asked me where I had been, I didn't tell them. Just that I got lost. It was supposed to be a one time thing. But I kept coming back here whenever I felt like I wanted to escape. Each time, I returned."

There is a moment of silence, and neither of you don't know how to fill it. There's no stars in the sky, and there's no one in the woods but somehow, being here makes you lighter. Like this was a place cut out from the rest of the world, a planet on its own, where humanity was no longer any of your business, where you didn't have to worry about tomorrow.

"What are you escaping from tonight?" You finally ask.

He turns to you, and there's a curl of his lips. It's not a grin, not a smirk. Just a smile.

"Nothing," he says, and you think he might just be honest this time. "I just wanted to show you."

You have a doubt that it was that, just that.

Yes, maybe he wanted to just show you. Maybe he wanted someone to finally know where to find him the next time he escapes.

Maybe, for once, Aegon wanted to be found.

Or maybe, it was all he ever wanted.

Aegon doesn't know love very well, but he knows you.

More than you think he does, he's sure. And you know him, just less than you think you do.

He knows that you didn't have to take care of him that night, the night you met at the party. But you did. And he knew when he woke up in the morning finding you beside him, both of you fully clothed and one arm around his body, he just knew.

This might be just what he has been searching for.

And everyone thinks Aegon is a lazy bastard but he isn't, not when he wants something.

If he wants something, there's no god or fate that would stop him from getting it.

He had sought you out on the campus the next day, and the rest of them. He has never been the one to show up, but he wanted to see you and you were there. Though, it didn't stick. The moment he had convinced you to hang out after your classes, go to parties with him or just stay in his place, he stopped showing up on the campus regularly.

The night at the party, he knew you wanted to sleep with him, and believe me, god, he wanted the same. But it never happened, it just didn't.

Maybe seeing him in tears or wiping the vomit off his mouth had just ruined the mood for you or ruined the magic, but you never tried to cross that line again and for some reason, he didn't either. It just didn't feel the same again.

But he likes talking and you are a good listener. You make good coffee, even though he never liked it before he tasted yours and you both don't like sleeping that much. Countless nights spent with him and you, side by side, resting on his bed or just sitting outside or somewhere, talking and laughing and doing…human things. Bonding, chatting, getting to know each other, being honest, with no expectations, no promises — only "So this is me. Do you take it?" And the silence followed after, and silence had never been a rejection.

It is almost pathetic how unfamiliar he was with the concept until he met you.

If he is being honest, he still finds you attractive. Of course you are. He thinks you are charming; and whatever he needs, you find a way to give it to him. He doubts himself sometimes, wondering if he had ever returned the favor. But you are still there, and you probably will be there and does the rest matter?

He is sure that this is love, at least in one form or some.

You are, for him.

But he knows you. He knows that whatever you feel for him is not what he wants you to feel. And he knows that what you see when you look at him will never be what he wants to show you. And he knows that in your eyes, he will always be the teary eyed, stumbling, wreck of a boy you met.

He wants your touch, because maybe if you feel his skin, feel the warmth, it might just melt the ice around your sheltered heart. And if he gives you everything you don't get from anyone else, maybe you will let him in. He speaks in flesh, in bones and lips and fingers and nails — and you speak in a language he didn't know it existed.

You don't speak at all.

You are his best friend, he is not yours. He doubts you have anyone else either. You are not made for people, you are not made to be known.

You see, but are never seen; you hear, but are never heard.

But you love him, you might be the only one who does. And he doesn't care if it's not the way he needs to be loved. It's what he gets, it's fine. It's better than nothing.

Sure, it could have been more, had you let him in — he could have shown you how greatly, abundantly, exceedingly one can be loved that it will feel like drowning (choking). And you could have shown him what he taught you, maybe.

But you two don't know how to speak to each other; you only know how to exist, and you manage to do it together. Maybe that's enough.

Surely, it's more than he deserves.

So he doesn't ask for more.

He is sure you wouldn't know how even if he had asked.

(Note that: both of you think you know the other better)

(Note that: neither of you know the other.)

[fanfic-writer-and-rambler]

Bruce asks Talia an important question after learning this information from Ra. This takes place before the Wayne sons go to Jason's apartment.

Talia hugs Damian tightly, making the young boy groan with embarrassment.

Talia: Quit it, I’m trying to be more motherly and that means more hugs and… what else?

Damian: Releasing me?

Talia: No… oh cheek kisses!

Damian: No!

Damian breaks free to avoid the red lipstick kisses and takes a few steps back.

Damian: Mother-

Talia: Please, call me mom or mommy.

Damian's left eye twitches.

Damian: I’m about to call you your government. Now mother, thank you for the art supplies and dropping by, but didn’t you want to talk to father?

Talia: I almost forgot! Thank you, Damian. Where is he?

Damian: Upstairs, in his second office.

Talia: Thank you. Behave while I’m gone.

Damian grumbles as Talia heads upstairs. She finds Bruce sitting at his desk. She walks in with a tight smile, but before she can speak, Bruce interjects.

Bruce: Did you fuck him?

Talia: No hello how are you?

Bruce: Hi, greetings, how are you, did you fuck Jason when he was staying with you and your lunatic father?

Bruce taps his desk impatiently.

Talia covers her mouth, stifling her laughter but she couldn’t contain it. Bruce rolls his eyes, aggravated.

Talia: People bought that rumor? My father came up with that after Jason cut ties with him. Me sleeping with him? He was a young lad and not my type. I would not degrade myself doing such a gross thing. You believed that?

Bruce: You know what, I did! I was about to do something I wouldn't regret because if you hurt him in that way... nobody could hold me back!

Talia stops laughing and places a hand on heart.

Talia: Aww that’s sweet you care for him that much?

Bruce: We’re alone... I’ll admit that yes I do. You better not have taken that innocence from him. I've had one child go through that and he's still affected to this day. I won't let them be abused by a woman who thinks she can have her way with them. Even you. The Lazarus pit would not be able to revive you is all I have to say.

Talia smiles, placing her hands on her hips.

Talia: I respect it. I treated him like a son until you graced me with our bouncing baby boy that... I don't have clones of.

Bruce: I'll pretend that's true. I'll do believe you in this situation. I... Thank you for not doing... that. He already has trust issues and father issues, I really don't want him to have a flawed concept of love.

Talia: Preaching to my father's choir. Oh my word, that is so precious! Brucie, you have to realize you’re the only one I’ve ever tolerated and Jason was going through enough when we dealt with him. I would not do such an explicit act with him. I'm an assassin not a monster. I'm not catching a case either. I promise.

Talia crosses her hand over her heart to show she's being truthful.

Bruce: Don't call me Brucie, we are not like that.

Talia: Oh right, you’re with cattie lady.

Bruce: Selina.

Talia: Same thing.

Bruce: You anger me every time you visit. I apologize for accusing you of such a thing.

Talia: It's fine, dealt with it in the past. Is that all you needed me to grace my presence for?

Bruce: Yes.

Talia: Good, I’m taking Damian to the place they play video games and can get prizes.

Bruce: …the arcade.

Talia: That. I’ll return in two hours.

Bruce: Got it. One more thing, Talia. While you seem infatuated with me, if you do ever try anything with Jason, Dick, Tim, or even our son I will make sure you pay. Not just monetarily. Got it.

Talia: Got it, stud. If anything ever falls out between you and Cattie girl-

Bruce: Get out of my office.

Talia curtseys then takes her leave, while giggling.

Talia: Me and Jason, that's comical. I'd rather eat a cactus.

[archangeldyke-all]

I have an idea but it's a bit iffy for some so it's totally alright if you don't want to write it! Headcanons about being Sevika's controversially young gf? So basically an age gap but all legal. Again, totally ok if it's not your cup of tea!

totally my cup of tea considering i, too, would be a controversially young gf if i ever managed to pull sevika

men and minors dni

i mean, she's not that old. i think in act one she's in her early thirties, in act two and three she's in her early fourties?

in canon i don't think she or many other people would give a shit. at least in zaun.

i think the attitude is more like 'if u can find love, hold tf onto it,' even if just for basic survival reasons.

if you guys ever went up to piltover, you might get a few strange looks. but in the undercity? everyone's cool with it. they're more focused on the war to give a shit about two consenting adults' relationship.

plus, sevika's not the type to let people talk shit about her girl. i doubt anyone would have the balls to say anything to her about your age gap.

ALSO? i don't think sevika dates someone unless she's absolutely enamored with them and can't go on without them. so it's not like she's just dating a younger girl to date a younger girl. she's dating you cuz you're you.

the chemistry you guys have, the way you make her laugh, the easy camaraderie you share-- that's why she's with you.

i could definitely see her being more sensitive about it in a modern setting tho.

she absolutely adores you, and worries that she's holding you back. she doesn't get what someone as young as you would see in someone like her, she thinks she's too boring for you. and she sees the looks you guys get in public.

the longer you're together, the less she worries about it, the more confident she is in the fact that you guys are a perfect match for each other, if a little unconventional.

your friends and family all agree. you're like a match made in heaven.

sometimes she gets really worried about it though. you woke up one night to sevika staring down at you like she'd been studying you all night.

"you don't think i'm too old for you?" she asks immediately. you blink up at her, still groggy from sleep.

"no, babe, you're a milf." you mumble, rubbing your eyes. she blinks.

"what's a milv?"

"a milf. m-i-l-f. mom i'd like to fuck." you explain.

"...i'm not a mom." she says after a minute.

you chuckle, staring up at her. "no, but you are a mommy."

she groans at your joke, throwing an arm around you and settling in to sleep.

after that, 'milf' is a regular part of her vocabulary. her instagram bio is just your anniversary, followed by, 'sevika. gym rat. reader. milf.'

there's parts of your age gap that she finds really entertaining.

you get to introduce her to all kinds of media from your generation that she'd never heard of.

we (by 'we' i mean people 18-25ish) grew up with so much good young adult media! like imagine getting sevika to read the hunger games for the first time. she'd eat that shit up.

she'd love the 2010's cartoons you show her too, especially the dumb ass lighthearted ones-- regular show, bob's burgers, that kinda thing.

she has no patience for technology, so it's a relief that any time she has an issue with a device she can just pass it off to you to figure it out. because if it was up to her? she'd smash the thing and call it a day.

when you're together long enough, you guys can even joke about it with each other. she'll teasingly call you a gold digger, and in return, you'll call her a perv.

some people might not understand it, but that doesn't matter, because to you and sevika? your relationship is the only thing in the world that makes sense.

[myunghology]

so. SLAMS HAND ON TABLE. read this for summary. i KNOW it's a little late but hey at least i did it thanks to @alizaneth for this idea!! mostly crack, im sorry (no im not) TW // i mentioned kinks and mommy issues once

CYNO

- first time you did it, bro tried waking you up. OBVIOUSLY it failed

- when it failed, he just left you there. i mean.. you weren't dead right. right? RIGHT?

- ngl he would probably make a joke out of your body not knowing that ur just sleeping. let's be real

- but let's be fr and serious

- carried you home bridal style once he sees you sleeping somewhere unthinkable. he may be small but holy SHIT is he strong? YES

- plants a sweet kiss on your forehead and leaves

- people have called him multiple times because of you.. so him carrying you is now a daily thing.

- but he doesn't know that you're faking it sometimes LMAO a little smile could be seen on your face when he's carrying you

- you pulled on his arm once when he carried you to bed because it was already late, begging him to stay with our words because babe that's embarrassing! we here do not beg! people with degrading kinks rn 💀

- even though he had so much work to do, he stayed for you

- ugh im so single i can't

- you manage to bribe him because yk he probably isn't getting enough sleep because he's a general. much needed thank you [name]

- he's worried about how pale you are

- guys it's genshin of course there's no melanin

- IM SORRY IF UR POC WHAT I MEANT BY THAT WAS you always look like your frozen.. yk like you can already see your veins through your skin

- encourages you to eat more if you have a problem with that, if that's the cause of you being so pale.

- doesn't look like it but he DOESN'T eat if you don't. you always have to be with him when you eat, if he's not there then it's either him, tighnari, or collei. someone has to keep you company.

- that's all

- btw hey cymps do you not get bothered by his carpet clutchers

AL HAITHAM

- he knows.

- bro stares at you lovingly. he thinks your very pretty when your quiet, he always thinks you're pretty don't get me wrong, but he thinks you're prettier when you shut the fuck up

- sorry that was uncalled for

- police we got another one who carries you when you sleep somewhere unthinkable. but it's in the most stupidest ways possible

- it's either a piggy back ride, or a potato sack carry .. bros feelin a lil goofy. one time you woke up when he was potato sack carrying you and you accidentally kicked him in the face because you didn't realize it was him

- you had to take care of him

- but guess what

- YOU FELL ASLEEP LMFAOAOOA

- Ok sorry.

- now he has to take care of you

- found you sleeping in a cabinet once and never questioned anything you do after that

- his response to "we saw [name] sleeping at [random location]" this fucker responds with "it is what it is" or a "shit happens"

- OKAY let's get serious my bad

- he was actually pretty worried of how pale you were, he didn't know if it was natural or if it was because of your health, and let's say you didn't know either

- he's a lil bit over protective but you know he means well

- once he hears your name in a random conversation, he starts ears dropping, if they're talking shit about you, he pulls them aside to give them a "friendly proper talk" yeah okay whatever makes you sleep at night

- you always look like your about to faint that's probably why he's so overprotective

- yes, you naturally look like that but who knows? he's just worried let him slide

KAVEH

- bro was flabbergasted. he tried waking you up but obviously no avail

- tried calling the hospital. guess what it was closed

- shakes you violently

- I CAN'T REALLY WRITE MUCH SINCE IDK HIS PERSONALITY THAT WELL I'M SORRY KAVEH FANS

- but lemme tell you this he isn't getting used to it

- but when someone tells him they found you somewhere he's so calm somehow? bro sighs but he's sweat dropping irl, comes to pick you up, he doesn't bother waking you up because he already knows the result . . .

- bridal carries you because he's nice, unlike SOMEONE here. you know who you are bro

- “at least im not a free loader”

- al haitham bro stop that

- gags whenever he sees you two arriving, you know what you are, al haitham.

- gets you all cozy like the caring boyfriend he is

- but sometimes he forces you to come with him, best if you don't because al haitham's there too and you probably don't want them disturbing ur sleep since you know how they are!! (i actually just don't wanna explain)

- if you sleep walk then jesus

- JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEELLLL!!!!!

- you may or may not have scared the bejeebers outa him more than once

- sorry his words not mine (it's actually my words) (not false information it's all true)

TIGHNARI

- HE KNOWS. HE KNOWS

- even if it's the first time he's the type of person to know everything about that person when he's trying to approach them

- he's an observant man what can i say. he just leaves you be unless it's important

- has considered throwing you into a pond when you're still sleeping and it's something important

- bro face palms when he sees you sleeping at random places, he has to carry you on his back now, or.. if IFFFF he's feelin a lil giddy then bridal style

- collei tries to help LOL she's so cute, she's carrying all of his stuff while he's carrying you, best student for real

- bribes you into tutoring her when he's busy smh #FREE[NAME]!

- passive aggressive but caring bf .. i want him

- but you obv fall asleep, but you still have notes so she can just snatch them and study it's a win win am i right. no? okay why should i gaf about your opinion radish lookin head ass

- (no im not bullying tighnari im not a bad influence)

- but duh, he's worried because you ARE really pale, asks to examine you with permission because we ask for consent here!! if you don't stop reading and block me and dni

- asks if it's really normal, im leaving ur answer up to you because you know!!!! oh you don't? neither do i

- when you're sick this mf can't tell, because obviously.. headbutts you to see if you're sick, it's a punishment for not telling him

- cups your face and it's so adorable i can't right now i wanna kms

- sorry

- he's just being a little bitch but he really cares about you. source? im a writer and i write x readers of course i know

NILOU

- SWEETEST PERSON HERE unlike some people *looks up*

- always tells you to be careful whenever you randomly go off somewhere because she knows your antics. probably more than you know

- guys sorry we're actually married my bad

- whenever she dances you try so hard to stay awake when ur extra sleepy

- because.. her dances are short and you can stay awake for that long. I think. Unless ur really tired

- but she always let's you slide she understands don't worry

- always places a palm on your forehead whenever you sleep and she's sitting beside you just incase

- she got your back fr, she always covers for you, unless it's really important then she'll lightly scold you for it.. but she's very cute your only focusing on her face let's be fr

- takes naps with you sometimes, when she's supppppper tired after practicing a new dance. obviously you have to help her, so you both are very tired so in conclusion, why not a nap

- flicks your forehead when you fall asleep while doing something important LMAO

- do i have favorites

- always checks up on you, hugs you so fast after a bad day and it's so cute istg

- she's pouting don't talk to me

- also vv worried because you're vv pale! she lays her head on your shoulder while your hand is intertwined with hers because she's looking at the veins that you can literally see right through your skin

- offers to see a professional healer but you deny saying it's natural

- she frowns slightly but wouldn't do anything you don't want to do

DEHYA

- SHE'S SO OVERPROTECTIVE I CAN'T

- you have to be at least 2 ft within her presence. her words not mine but im actually serious

- she will not hesitate to punch someone if they're bothering you when you're sleeping!

- she's almost always there when you take a nap so you feel safe, but when she's not she's probably busy, she knows you won't be going anywhere once you wake up though

- only wakes you up if needed

- she thinks ur a lil lazy so she forces you to take walks with her around the desert because you know staying inside for that long isn't good for you

- but if you're seriously really tired then she won't force you

- carries you around if you're with her and you fell asleep somewhere, she doesn't mind + she's really strong and it's like a workout for her

- at this point you aren't sure if she's your mother or your girlfriend because she's always taking care of you

- people with mommy issues rn💀

- you feel bad so you try to talk to her that you can take care of yourself

- she isn't listening

- you're her number 1 priority

- (real)

©miihai ; not proofread because it's 3:45 am

[mikeysbabygirl]

Ok if we're doing ass grabbing we HAVE to get some tit grabbing too! I wanna know how my fave is gonna hold them while I ride him!

Good mornin' babe, I just woke up, what time is it there ?

THE TITS GRABBING LES'GOOO : ( I didn't talked about sizes don't worry, big or small, these guys are addicted to your tits)

Izana, Mitsuya, Kakucho, Inupi :

We all know this man lacks a mother figure ( Izana and his mommy issues, Mitsuya and his absent mom, Kakucho's mom died... )

I don't know what this has to do with that, don't ask me about the connection, but this man is definitely the type to want them in his mouth.

You're both just enjoying the warm sun rays seeping through the windows, laying on your bed. This big, though, strong man is laying on top of you, head resting on your chest while your hands play with his hair.

Starts slowly at first, placing lingering kisses on your cleavage, sucking on the skin here and there. And as the heat starts building up in your lower belly, he smirks as he lowers your top, letting your breasts break free and taking immediately one of them in his mouth.

" Shhh, love. Sit still for me and lemme suck these pretty things"

Yes yes, a man of muscles, of bloody knuckles and all, laying on top of you with his mouth around your nipples. Good thing is, as you start turning horny, his other hand would start sliding between your legs, making its way to your clothed pussy. " Worry not, won't let my pretty girl get needy "

Mikey, Wakasa,Ran, Haruchiyo,Hanma :

He thinks he owns them. Like literally, it's his boobs, not yours. You just carry them for him.

No seriously, he always has what he wants, why would it be different for those ?

He isn't soft at all, please stay away from him when you're on your period and your chest is hurting.

You were late to your appointment, already running everywhere in the house gathering your belongings. And he was already upset that he had to leave the bed early that morning because his friends decided to come discuss some matters that day.

As you took your bag from in the living room, you greeted his friends and leaned over slightly to peck his cheek. What a mistake. The slight sight you gave him of your cleavage was enough for his pants to already start tightening.

-" The fuck you're doing-" he pulls you by the hand straight in his lap, and those strong hands of him are already finding your breasts under your top, kneading them and grunting as you accidentally rub your ass against his bulge trying to get up.

-" No work for ya today. Ya better shut this pretty mouth, yeah ? Let daddy play with his good girl. "

-" Eyes on me. " he commands directly toward one of his friends, when their eyes start lingering a little away from his face, toward you. " Not on what's mine. "

Kazutora, Shinichiro, Rindou,Benkei, Hakkai, Kokonoi :

He's kinda shy about it ( yes, yes even Rindou )

Understand, he's obsessed. He thinks it's pretty shameful, how everytime you walk in the room, his eyes light up seing your smile first, then they naturally drift toward your tits.

His dirty secret ? Has about ten pictures of his cum all over your chest. He LOVES cumming on them, painting them like the work of art he thinks they are.

But he's still shy about it, and you can see it.

Just like now, his eyes are almost begging, watching you as you bounce on his cock, his shy hands tightening around your hips. Poor boy can't help but let his eyes linger on your exposed breasts on top of him, and you feel him perfectly throbbing inside you just by the sight.

" touch them already " you roll your eyes, taking his hands in yours and putting them on both your breasts. God, he's so ashamed about the strangled moan that slips from his mouth.

" So fuckin' perfect... " His touches, are so soft but so passionate, rolling your nipples between his thumbs and always so hell bent on leaving hickeys on your skin.

He eventually starts getting more confident after some time with you. You notice that, on a night while watching TV on the couch, with you sitting on his lap. You yelp as his hands slide under your shirt, then began slowly caressing your breasts and rolling your nipples under his fingers.

" What is it, m'love ? You like when I touch these tits like I own you ? Like you're my pretty toy ? Hm, bet this slutty pussy's drippin', fucking likes it when I use your body, yeah ?"

[mellowmin]

Walk him like a dog sis

Disclaimer: this is only MY PERSONAL OPINION and my own takes on these characters, please do not interact if you don't like or agree with this 💜

Inspired by the tiktok sound and some of the videos I saw on there 🤭

Content warnings: toxic relationship dynamics on some of these, very girlboss-ish hc's, ooc in the last one (just a what if scenario), mentions of mommy kink, masochistic traits & praise kink. Also last group has a very prominent "men are disposable" mindset/subtext, not to be taken literally or seriously at all.

Fem reader implied all throughout.

MDNI

𑁍 Trained puppies:

Will happily follow you around, grabbing onto you by your sleeve, the back of your shirt or your belt loop.

Wide eyes look at you like you hung the moon and the stars, will not hesitate to jump from their seat to get you anything you need, though they will at times use the puppy eyes to their advantage and it's very hard to say no to them.

Mommy issues? Maybe? Mommy kink at the very least lol, also praise kink. Baby them!! They love that shit and will eat up any attention from you.

When you're at a party, you'll pull them to you by their tie and they'll absolutely melt while letting you guide them to the dance floor like you have them on a leash.

The type to send you pictures of any cute or pretty thing they find because any sort of beauty makes them think of you.

Super needy, they'll wait in bed fighting off the sleep until you finish your skincare routine because they can't sleep well without you :(. Textbook definition of puppy love, they have eyes only for you and will hate to be separated from you for ANY amount of time. - Hinata Shoyo, Goshiki Tsutomu, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Azumane Asahi, Bokuto Kotarou, Nishinoya Yuu, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou, Kaminari Denki, Togata Mirio.

𑁍 Guard dogs:

They spoil you like crazy, princess treatment is real when you're with them.

The type to kneel in front of you and untie your shoes while looking up at you like you're doing them a favor for letting them. When I say these men WORSHIP YOU I mean it.

Super protective, they know and live by the sidewalk rule; and lord have mercy on the poor soul if they think someone is bothering you. WILL NOT TOLERATE anyone talking shit about you in any way. Also "dress however you want, I can fight".

As soon as they get the slightest suspicion that your feet hurt you are up on their arms. Don't even think about carrying anything heavier than your phone. Consider them your personal handbag. Will spoon feed you if you allow them too, gently dabbing your face with a napkin after every other bite.

They refuse to let you pay for anything, as soon as the cashier asks 'cash or credit?' They're rushing to get their wallet out. They sometimes will give you their credit card and ORDER you to buy anything you want.

WOULD absolutely carry you on their shoulders the whole day if they could, but they need to work to earn the money to keep giving you the life you deserve :')

You know those kinda cringe videos that go "my hands look like this so that hers can look like this"?? Yeah that's them lol - Iwaizumi Hajime, Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Sawamura Daichi, Ukai Keishin, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Bakugo Katsuki, Todoroki Shouto, Iida Tenya, also Kirishima lol.

𑁍 Bratty Lap dogs:

Stink eyes to anyone that tries to approach either of you. They're not interested in anyone else and they'd rather die than stand by and let someone steal your attention from them.

Their favorite activity is to cuddle you and snack and they WILL voice their displeasure if your little sessions are interrupted. Will stay hours with their head buried in your neck if you let them. Will leave hickeys on you if you're not careful enough!! They'll do it in places that you won't easily see but others will see clearly too.

They're super needy and sometimes have a hard time understanding your need for personal space like wym we can't go to the bathroom together 🤨. On that note, you never have to ask them to come with you anywhere, as soon as you grab your keys they're putting their shoes on. They never give you that "u can come if u want" bullshit, they let you know that if you're not going, they aren't going.

Talk shit about anyone that you don't like to them, they act like they don't care but they love the gossip and will say things to keep you talking. They trust your gut and your criteria for liking or not liking people; if you tell them you don't like someone you don't even have to give them a reason, they'll drop that person in a second.

They will tease you and clown you anytime they have the chance, but it's like they forget they're the biggest simp ever lol. Try to give them the silent treatment, they won't last longer than 6 hours.

Will check your friends if they seem disloyal. As soon as they get sent a 'hiiii :)" from one of your friends, they're warning you about them. They will encourage you to cut off toxic people from your life, whether it's friends or family but they'll never force you to stop talking to someone on their account.

They will support you in ANYTHING, they're your ride or die and they will defend you until they die no matter what you do. "Oh, (y/n) killed someone? Well I'm sure that person did something to deserve it." They will make a fool of themselves to protect your honor lol.

- Sakusa Kiyoomi, Oikawa Tooru, Miya Osamu, Suna Rintarou, Tendou Satori, Tsukishima Kei, Sugawara Koushi, Kozume Kenma, Kageyama Tobio, Shinsou Hitoshi, Monona Neito, Sero Hanta, Aizawa Shouta, Takami Keigo.

BONUS:

𑁍 Domesticated Hound dogs:

Heavily toxic relationship dynamics, unrealistic representation of a fuckboy, kinda mean reader.

Former fuckboy turned into a begging mess by the bad bitch he shouldn't have messed with.

He tried to play it cocky from the start and play you like all the girls before you, but you knew his game and played him like a fiddle.

When several girls messaged you to warn you about your new boytoy -the man paying for your groceries every week in hopes that you'll give him two hours of your weekend- you knew that you were given a chance by the heavens to do some good karmic work, for every girl whose heart he played with, you'll make him your bitch. Every time you leave him on read is a win for the girls.

At first, he thought you were just playing hard to get and considered you a 'fun challenge' but soon enough he's only answering your texts, all other girl's numbers are forgotten and he finds that hooking up with random girls only makes him think about you more. He found himself becoming more vulnerable when talking to you, actually sharing parts of him in an honest way instead of doing it in order to get sympathy points from you.

This man used to be a professional at ghosting and you got him answering your texts in 0.5 SECONDS. In the beginning he was all like "im not looking for anything serious tho lol" and you were like "yeah I could tell, not like you'd be good for anything serious lol" LMAO HES LEFT STARING AT HIS PHONE FOR 7 MINUTES STRAIGHT AFTER THAT.

Like YES BE MEAN TO HIM. He's gotta be a masochist; every time he gets a mean response (or no response at all) he becomes more desperate for having you praise him and coddle him like all the other girls used to do in order to keep him to themselves.

Lmfao meeting you was a humbling experience, you got him getting into his car at 2 am to see you for 15 minutes as long as he pays for your next nail appointment. You are true poetic justice coming into his life to ruin his bad boy persona.

At some point he tries to get cocky again and acts like he's back to his old ways, but you drop him so fast and so coldly that he gets whiplash. You show this man that you won't hesitate to dump the trash if he doesn't make something good of himself. You teach him really fast that you won't deal with his nonsense, and you WILL find him a replacement if he displeases you. The withdrawal he gets from you giving him radio silence is insane.

In the end though, you end up whipping him into a decent man and dare I say a good boyfriend who by this point is absolutely addicted to you. - Oikawa Tooru, Suna Rintarou, Miya Atsumu, Togata Mirio, Monoma Neito, Shinsou Hitoshi, Sero Hanta, Takami Keigo.

Comment or add in tags if you want me to add any characters! I probably missed a lot lol.

Comments and reblogs are appreciated!

mellowmin - do not repost

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

weñl since I'm new to the AU and already ate every post.... Could you drop some lore of The Prototype and his link to the toys? (especially with Catnap seeing as how he recently calls him "dad" but I wonder how before he allowed Theo to consider him a God and worship him)

For my AU, the Prototype was originally Elliot Ludwig himself. He had an adopted daughter and lost her due to an illness, and then had the brilliant idea to start dubiously ethical experiments in order to bring her back. He eventually volunteered himself to be the first human to become a toy, only to realize, far too late, that without him in charge mr. Harley "what is ethics if not another rule to break in the name of SCIENCE" Sawyer would go "what if i broke every single rule Elliot ever imposed on me". Also I have adopted @lassieposting's hc about Elliot being a military veteran, which is important for this because now this man feels like he, once again, is seeing a tragedy that should have never existed at ALL.

Prototype took care of little Theo/Catnap as if he were his own son (also taken from lassieposting because good headcanons are GOOD headcanons), and after the Hour of Joy and him realizing that the toys can't go outside without risking even more death and people hunting them, he taught Catnap how to hunt. After he learned how to look after himself Catnap became more independent, and Theo was always a kind of religious boy, and that combined with him seeing Prototype as a hero made him undergo the biggest catholic moment in the history of Playtime Co.

Prototype doesn't like being called a god, but Catnap doing that did help him impose more rules on the toys ("don't go outside so humans won't find us and capture us again", "don't torture each other even if you are really hungry", "if you see a human kill it and give it to me so we can all have food"). Unfortunately their distance grew as time went on, and Prototype just. Never actually tried doing anything to stop Catnap from being like That. Again, it was helping him, and he sees Catnap as the child he failed to protect, and he just never knew how to address the elephant in the room. This entire situation was 100% Prototype's fault for not attempting to sit down with Catnap and tell him to cut it off.

Prototype has a trillion communication issues, honestly. For this AU he helped deliver Poppy's call for help to the Player/Angel, not that she knew that, because he decided that everyone had enough. He wanted someone to save the toys, even if by "saving" it meant "killing them off", because Prototype figured it was better than being alive in that nightmare.

And then Angel saved Huggy, throwing Prototype's whole plan away.

And then Bunzo, the mini huggies, PJ Pug-a-Pillar, and then Mommy Long Legs, and then Miss Delight and Dogday, and then Catnap, even when the big feline begged Prototype to end his suffering. The Angel took care of all of them. They never dared leave anyone behind.

Prototype changed his plan for it to just be for him to die, because he caused everyone to become a toy. He deserved that fate more than anyone, at least in his eyes.

And then Angel convinced him to live. The deal they made was for Prototype to help them take care of everyone and stop anyone from ever find all the documentation about how the experiments were done, and only just enough info for the humans outside to know the toys are alive and were previously innocent children. After Angel finds a bigger house, Catnap convinces Prototype to come in with them, and he reluctantly agrees.

It'll be really funny when Angel realizes Poppy was Elliot's daughter, because our favorite porcelain doll does NOT know Elliot is the Prototype. Actually, NO ONE knows that, not even Catnap himself. When Angel finds out they DEMAND Prototype to talk to Poppy because what the HECK, you already failed to communicate with one kid and now you fail to communicate with ANOTHER?

Anyways, family drama aside, Angel and Prototype unironically make a very good parent duo. Prototype knows how the toys work, while Angel knows how to be gentle and assuring. They teach the other a lot about what to do, but the majority of the toys are too afraid to talk with Prototype to learn that he's Father Material If You Ignore The Communication Issues. Catnap can confirm!

[elysianymph]

🔥 anything about sirius because i am being a little hater towards some characterisations too

i've already talked your ears off about this on discord but i'm happy to talk to about it again bc i fucking HATE new sirius black with a burning passion. i hate him as much as i love my sirius black that marauderstok can pry from my cold dead hands bc i'm not letting him go. i don't know when it happened and why but marauders fans are particularly persistent on taking away any interesting traits sirius had and leaving behind a whimpering pathetic twink that cries when someone looks at him the wrong way. sirius has been scrubbed clean of any morally grey traits he might've had (he's not allowed to care for his family (unless it's regulus) or long for them bc they are bad, he's not allowed to have any prejudices even though he was literally raised with pureblood mentality and taught he was superior to everyone else from the day he was born, he's not allowed to be an asshole bc he's not like his family guys!! and when he is an asshole it's always used to victimize the character he's being an asshole to and sirius is painted as the villain with mommy issues that can only be fixed by getting dicked down apparently)

i cannot stress this enough: LET THIS MAN BE A COMPLEX CHARACTER!! and no, giving him mental illnesses that miraculously disappear when he gets together with remus and making him attempt to kill himself post prank because he feels bad is NOT making him complex! you're just weird. you're just romanticizing mental illnesses and i can't believe you don't see anything wrong with it. giving him bipolar to justify his actions is?? not??? representation??? it's offensive to people who actually have to deal with these issues in their day to day lives and yet here you are using something that will impact their life forever as a plot device for your uwu sadboy mlm fanfic.

and that's what new sirius boils down to. he's a plot device, an accessory to everyone else's story that's never given much depth other than "oh his mom used the cruciatus on him and now he's traumatized". no hate to jegulus but hate to specific jegulus fics that turn sirius into an overdramatic caricature of his former self for the sake of drama and angst.

also, some of these wolfstar shippers... wtf are you guys on?? idk when and why (that's a lie i do but i'm not gonna say it) remus became sirius black in a werewolf costume but here we are. oh sirius was cool and effortlessly smart and handsome and girls wanted him? well guess what? snatches all of those character traits and throws them onto remus they're his character traits now. ignore how it doesn't make any sense for the werewolf child who was isolated from the rest of the world to be a smooth talking alpha casanova who plays basketball actually. while we're at it, ignore how unrealistic it is for a boy who was raised in a family that believed they were superior to everyone else based on blood status, who was raised to be the perfect heir and checked off all the traits needed to be one to be insecure?? and unsure of himself?? and stupid??? and a loser??? i don't understand what the point of flipping the wolfstar dynamic was when you're left with a shallow copy of the original but ok. you do you ig.

to summarize, my sirius is cool and effortlessly smart and egotistical and a complete asshole who thinks he's the best thing ever. is it an act to cover up how damaged he thinks he is because of his family? possibly. but i also fully believe sirius thought he was a god amongst men and everyone should be glad to be in his presence. he talked down to other people because he considered himself smarter, he rolled his eyes when students asked stupid questions and made fun of them when they got an answer wrong. he's a teenage boy let him be a dick with no excuses.

(also i find it funny when people write about sirius getting into a fight with james or remus and crying because they said something mean. as if sirius wouldn't throw hands the moment someone started criticizing him. he's toxic and that's what makes him interesting. that's his purpose! characters exist to make stories interesting, to start drama, not to be your moral guide on how to act. stories become so much more fun once you let go of the need to make every character a good person. also liking a character doesn't equal liking them as a person. i love sirius but i would hate his guts irl)

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

hi i came across your post asking people to talk to you about karl heisenberg so i decided to send in an ask because i absolutely cannot be normal about that man in any way shape or form at all he rotates in my brain 24/7 and refuses to get out

plplsplspls list down some of your hcs for him :33

You and me both, you and me both, don't worry 🤝🏻 I have him living rent free up there since I put my eyes on him and now he won't leave, instead he's wreaking havoc where perfectly normal and content thoughts should be 😭

Thank you so much for sending the ask! 🫶🏻

Karl Heisenberg HCs under the cut since their NSFW 🔞 (gender neutral)

I'll write a SFW Head Canon post later!

🛠 So, what's the first thing that comes to mind when looking at Kar Heisenberg, hm? Yes, exactly: "Damn, Daddy!" but as mighty fine as this is, how about we flip that table upside down and consider Karl with a mommy kink? There is something about the thought of consensually slapping that mountain of a man around and calling him a bad and naughty boy that makes my brain rot so fast 🥴 Depending on how complex of a topic this wants to be fleshed out as, one can always sprinkle some trauma into the mix because both mommy and daddy issues can very much stem from painfully real places and I imagine that Karl as quite a lot of that.

🛠 I like to believe that Karl has a surreal amount of patience, nerves of steel, but only when it comes to a few things in particular. One of them being you propped up in his lap with his cock buried inside you up to the shaft, neither of you making any hectic movements as you cock-warm him while he welds together scraps of metal in his workshop. He can do that for hours if he feels like it, enjoying the engulfing warmth of your body whilst sparks fly through the somewhat damp air of the factory, strangely enough helps him concentrate and be precise for neither sparks nor hot metal to get anywhere close to you.

🛠 Dad-Bod. That's it. Send Tweet. No, but really, I'm drop dead serious about it and will die with my face pressed to that squishy soft belly pooch and my hands clasping at his glorious man-tits. You know what Dad-Bod Karl Heisenberg gets you? So much cuddle-material 😌 And in instances during which you don't peacefully fall asleep wrapped in his arms, he muffles your moans and whines with his chest, just shoving your face into the soft and warm skin.

🛠 In my brain, Karl is a giver. Sure, he might take you whenever the mood strikes, that simply cones with the package, but never without giving equal quantities of affection back. If he'd be out for one-sided sex, he could just as well shove his cock into one of his brainless creations. Karl would make you feel wanted and desired with every opportunity he'd get because he knows how it feels to be left behind, an outcast, and he'd never want you to feel this way especially not around him, ever.

🛠 Intoxication kink, my friends 🙏🏻 Okay, listen, as aforementioned, Kar is a giver and somewhere deep deep down he carries the need to care and nurture. Sometimes it's get so overwhelmingly much that he just has to take matters into his own hands, okay? Fucking you up nicely under his supervision so that you don't go off the rails too hard.

🛠 I believe Karl to be somewhat possessive and very physical about you. Hos fingers are always lingering, sometimes at your waist, sometimes ghosting over the round of your ass and other times lovingly clasping around your throat. Same goes for his lips and teeth. One could say that Lord Heisenberg has a hefty oral fixation that can't be soothed by cigars alone. He'd suck and nibble at your fingers and nipples without hesitation.

🛠 Last but not least, you know how it goes: Save a horse... 🤠

[ryuwonieebae]

𝑳𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝑳𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓

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𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐏𝐒 (에스쿱스), Imagines, One-shot

Genre : fluff, romance

Pairing : Dad!Seungcheol x fem!reader

Warning : use of pet names, Scoups is scared of y/n!

A/n : This fanfiction is purely based on my imagination only. It's totally fictional. I hope this is good enough to make you guys happy. I'm still learning to write creatively. Thank you for supporting me. It means a lot to me. Thanks to my besties too<3...

When you thought that your daughter is a soft girl but boy she proved you wrong...

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"Mommy! mommy!" your 5-year-old daughter came running excitedly while calling out to you. Her excitement made you curious. With her tiny steps, and her dimple smile which she inherited from her dad, she looked even more adorable.

"Slow down, sweetheart. You might fall" you said in your most calming tone, slowly crouching down to her height.

"It doesn't matter. But what matters now is that I punched a boy!" she stated while giving you an innocent smile while your jaw dropped.

"You did what!? Choi Seung-hee! It's not–"

"Before you scold me listen to the story. So, actually what happened was (a huge sigh). I-was-minding-my-own-business-when-that-kid-came-and-started-teasing-me-and-it-made-me-angry-an–"

"Okay okay enough, I got the point but still punching someone isn't a good deed, right"

Seunghee nodded

"What if he tells about it to his parents? You might get scolded, sweetheart" even though you were disappointed, you couldn't be mad at your daughter. After all, she's just 5.

"Don't worry, mommy. I blackmailed him by saying that I'll will smack him again and again if he told about it to anyone" that's when you realised who could be behind this drama.

"You know what? Go to your room, dear. I'll talk to you later" with a reassuring smile, you sent your daughter back to her bedroom.

[FLASHBACK]

"Yah! YOU! ASPARAGUSEU! How DARE you touch my book!?

"I just touched it! You shorty!"

"You touched it!" you hit his head so hard that he felt like the whole world started to spin. Anger took over 10-year-old Seungcheol as he pulled 8-year-old y/n's braid causing her to flinch. You roared and pulled his short hair back which ended up being a big fight for no reason.

The front door opened revealing excited Seungcheol with two bouquets, one larger than the other filled with colourful roses and chocolates while the other one was decorated with baby breaths and a cute teddy bear.

Seunghee ran towards him with a wide grin, showing off her dimple. Seungcheol dropped his things and carefully placed the bouquets on the ground while crouching as soon as he saw his adorable daughter heading towards him. He scooped his daughter and embraced her, placing kisses all over her face.

Seunghee giggled and whispered something in Seungcheol's ear which he responded by nodding his head. He carefully put his daughter as if she's fragile. He made a shushing sound cutely and tiptoed into the house like a pro thief with his daughter following her dad's act.

"CHOI SEUNGCHEOL... "

Seungcheol stopped in his tracks and turned around only to catch the sight of you shooting death glares at him. He was panicking but managed to form a fake smile.

"I need an explanation" shiver ran down his spine at your demanding tone. No one would've expected the most fearsome person to be scared of his wife. Seunghee sprinted away while Seungcheol went after his precious wife.

"Explain"

"Babe, Seunghee told me that a kid is teasing her. I don't want our daughter to be bullied so"

"So?"

"I'm the one who told her to punch the boy"

"Do know how problematic and spoiled she could become if you kept telling her to hit kids and spoiling her. I wonder if she has anger issues at this age"

"I know but don't you think she has to know how to protect herself and about her anger, I don't think you need an explanation. We're her parents after all"

"She's just a kid, Cheol. Plus, as her parents we should take proper action by telling to the teacher not influencing her to hit someone"

Seungcheol took hold of your hand and made you sit on the soft bed when he noticed how much you were getting stressed. He slowly caressed your hand leisurely and pestered a kiss on your temple, washing away all your stress.

"I'm sorry, okay? Don't forget that we also used to be like this when we were her age"

Seungcheol apologised sincerely and fondled your 7-month belly delicately.

"You shouldn't be stressed, remember? It's not good for our baby"

"Sometimes I indeed wanna punch your papa but I'm afraid that his charming visuals will be ruined. Life is cruel isn't it?" you questioned your unborn baby who had no idea what was going on.

"Look who's speaking about cruelty" Seungcheol rolled his eyes in a teasing way only to earn a hard smack from you.

"Okay okay calm down my raging wife" he uttered while patting your head, embracing you, and planting butterfly kisses on your neck and your belly. You tittered stroking Seungcheol's blonde hair knowing how your unborn baby will grow up having a big sister like Seunghee.

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[nemesyaaa]

chit chat talk on my thoughts about momma's rafe with mommy issues, it's clearly messy and long, guys but if you're curious i'm here <33 and why i think this rafe will fear the idea of love / and a big loser with a lot of issues (and why i'm a rafe apologist). nobody ask tho, so feel free to ignore

i really like to speculate on the fact that rafe is a momma’s boy, and i actually think that he has more mommy issues than daddy issues. for me all his attitude, this excess anger, this need for validation and approval, these insecurities, this rage and violence, his lack of consideration/communication and perspective, this inability to think before acting, this madness at the interior comes more from the loss of his mother than from the toxic presence of his father. but is anyone interested?

anyways, I'm still going to confess about it because I need to talk about this. I'm one of those who think that Rafe had a good relationship with his mother, good enough that it affected the person he is today. I'm sure she saved him from all the difficulties, never allowed him to think he was wrong, to face his actions, or to consider the seriousness of what he could do. and as a result, she did not allow him to solve his problems for himself, to see the wrong/bad in his actions.

— he ALWAYS thinks that what he is doing is right, that other people are the problem. rafe never thinks he's the problem. if he has to blame anyone, it will NEVER be him. and this is often the result given by a momma's boy when he becomes a grown man. what i mean is that rafe is not really a pathetic loser, but more emotionally immature, you know? he thinks he is important enough for the world to adjust to his expectations. that there will always be someone behind to save him.

and obviously, that explains one of his notable traits. THE GRUDGE. rafe is a resentful person who doesn't accept being stood up to him whether he is at fault or not. just as he refuses criticism. he responds to criticism and refusal with violence or withdrawal, and this is currently his only way of communication. men with mommy issues don't often express themselves, about what they really think, and most of the time, because we've never let them talk about it. They've gotten used to keeping it inside them until they explode, and when they explode, we know what it's look like. they do not like to hear that they are wrong, nor to hear from others that they have faults. they were brooded by very protective and controlling mothers who made them completely unstable men, and incapable of having healthy relationships, and balanced behavior, by the dependence that they triggered in their son.

— i also think that if rafe will never recognize his wrongs, it is because he is certain that it makes him weak, or that it makes him a failure. and for him, this idea is inconceivable. (rafe + toxic masculinity = match.)

so, unpopular opinion, but i don't think rafe should have a relationship with anyone on the show, it would ruin his character. but in my momma's boy world, I would find it impossible to establish a relationship, or at least HEALTHY, with him. because his opinion on women is rather controversial. I don't see him loving anyone, and if that were to happen, it would be very harmful for him, and for the person. already his vision of women in the series

(even from a sister, well….). men with mother issues are often very dismissive of women, don't care how they can hurt them, often speak very disrespectfully or rudely about them. This does not mean that they cannot have relationships with them, nor fall in love, but only that they have more difficulty respecting a woman who does not meet their high standards. very Freud, but for them, the perfect woman is a woman like their mother (I don't know if you know what I mean.) But momma's boys idealize their mothers, they are the figures who created them, goddesses who are always right and who are constantly there for them. and literally perfect.

so the REASONS WHY I THINK RAFE CANNOT HAVE LOVELY RELATIONSHIPS IN THE SERIES/IN MY MOMMA’S BOY RAFE CODED is because his standards are TOO high and not necessarily respectful towards the woman. If you know what I mean.

he was pampered by his mother throughout his childhood. he expects the same behavior from his girlfriend/wife. This is why he will turn more towards a woman who is not independent, or who has too many expectations on him.

so can you imagine a relationship with this rafe?? you're going to have to deal with a lot of conflicts. because know that you will never be enough for him. there will always be something wrong. and it will ALWAYS, I mean it, ALWAYS be your fault.

rafe will clearly be toxic because he will always need to be reassured, to know where you are, who you are with. and no matter how many times you tell him, he'll need to see it for himself. he doesn't trust you, even if you are his girlfriend, you will have to work hard to have his respect and even his trust. you will clearly have to excel, but above all, don't dare criticize him, never point out his faults. because he will have anger issues, and you will be the one and only or victim.

OH AND SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU but this Rafe will probably cheat on you more than once, and especially with different women, because one is not enough, but above all they will all have different roles in his life. not have the same importance, the same action in his daily life. a man with mommy issues will have cheating tendencies, he may have a woman for sex, a woman for emotional support, a woman completely opposite to his standards. a man with mommy issues, both needs someone, but also needs “substitute” people. “. to be honest dkzdizi, he needs to USE women. I know it's triggering but it's the truth.

so you will have to deal with the void that his mother left, good luck 💀💀💀

SECOND REASON, the idea of a relationship would TERRIFY RAFE. I'm not trying to victimize him, but I really think RAFE would HATE THE IDEA OF A RELATIONSHIP, because he would feel trapped. really. it's too intimate for him.

but at the same time, I like to think that he wants to be loved. or at least to be understood, because I honestly think that even he doesn't really understand what's wrong with him. he acts by instinct. These are his reflexes. and it hurts my heart this need for validation, I think his mother's departure was one of the worst events of his life. because he was never really close to his father. and now he had everything to prove to him. after his mother left, he had to continue to be important, to play a role, to satisfy someone.

but how do we go from a loving parental figure to one who is totally indifferent?

WHY IS RAFE A BIT OF A LOSER IN ANY SORT? oh yes, you also like this confidence that he has, which makes you believe that he is really super mean and terrible? but above all he is someone who is very anxious, whiny and in dire need of validation. sorry but all of Rafe's esteem is literally based on what people think of him, especially ward. (in the first seasons anyway.) he needs constant approval, he needs to be looked at and heard, too bad if people think he's crazy. he needs attention, bad or good.

behind all this rage, he needs to be reassured and to hear that he is a good boy. and speaking of which, i think his mommy issues also explain his conflicted relationship with rose cameron.

and i also have to say that rafe's relationships are based solely on his self esteem, and it shows with topper and kelce. +barry. but mostly with the trio. he needs relationships where he feels privileged and valued. but be careful, I'm not saying that rafe is incapable of creating connections, but who will create relationships THAT BENEFIT HIM ONLY. So the idea of Rafe being friends with a pogue is not impossible, but he would need a reason to trust this person.

MOMMA’S BOY!RAFE is very toxic, because there is no equality for him. for him, it is very clear, men and women are not at the same level. and , it seems like I hate Rafe but I swear I adore him, I find him super interesting and I love talking about him, but I have to tell the truth, because it shows in the way he treats women. he clearly has issues with that. but if I can reassure you, not only do I think he feels superior to women, but to the MEN around him, generally.

in general life he is also very toxic because he is jealous. I told you he was an emotionally immature but above all human loser. that is, people's success clearly prevents him from being happy. what's more, it doesn't help his self-esteem, and it doesn't flatter his ego. support others? no way. the triumph of others robs him of his own glory, his own success. he thinks the world is unfair every time, although let's be clear he is very privileged, but like I told you, this Rafe feels very important

I talk a lot but his mother was the first woman who loved him, who made him understand that he was important, who gave him this feeling of “confidence”. to finish because it becomes very long, we can think that he has no feelings, that he feels nothing, that the loss does not grieve him, but that is very false. on the contrary, he suffers very deeply inside. mommy issues are very serious in men, especially when they become adults and have to face real problems, but this time, all ALONE.

This Rafe is very sensitive and delicate. i actually have a lot of thoughts about this. I'm so curious about the story with his mother, and it would provide so many answers about this behavior. note that I am speculating, and that perhaps this is all false but I like to think so. if you read, thank you very much, it’s a pleasure!!!!😭😭😭😭