#and i feel so empty and alone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

a1m05t-en0ugh · 1 year

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I’ve finally realized my problem.

I am lonely.

It’s a simple as that. I’m just very very lonely.

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ineed-to-sleep · 2 months

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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL #AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP #yep that was meee :3 #man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did #but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying #I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious #I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep #then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh #I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking #so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital #luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point #so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like #I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do #and I was scared it might make things worse #but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack #luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone #and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there #I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city #bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there #so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by #I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before #I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches #so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die #cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome #but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug #but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication #now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf #sleep.txt

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everfaire · 2 months

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#ts4 #meme #delete later #simblr #pray for me i deleted about 20G of CC and now i feel empty and alone #listen i had 120G and my computer is a beast but all machines have their limits #i actually didnt even delete it i just moved it to a backup bc i'm so ridiculous #bc i lost some stuff last cleanup that i'm still so sad about #why can i not function with less than 100G of cc in my game #only for me to filter by basement treasures and give every sim every item from that kit #oh did you maybe want brohill counters from parenthood? sure that can be arranged #your neighbors all have them fyi #in the same colorway #but better make sure i have everything from every creator ever #there is some mental illness here i just know it #and all this to say...cc is a luxury #a;dslkjfa;dlfskjad;flkj

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atissi · 1 year

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okay very preliminary thoughts on mitski's new album BUT i think there's something with how "laurel hell" felt like a goodbye to the music industry (can't find the source but i remember reading that it was intended to be her last album under her contract) like i'm sorry anthony fantano but if you interpret the back half of "laurel hell" as being generic breakup songs you're missing like 80% of the context. to me TO ME it feels so clearly about her negotiating her relationship with fame, how she can't love her fans the way they love her, and how she feels like she sold her soul to her job, so the only thing to do is step away. but THEN "the land is inhospitable and so are we" was created after mitski decided to renegotiate her contract, specifically because she loved making music enough to deal with the negative aspects of the work. and then all the songs are about the ghost of love she can leave behind, despite the present pain or emptiness, and like. do you see it. do you see it.

#THE NARRATIVE.#beepbeep.txt #mitski #like you can definitely interpret everything through the lens of personal romantic relationships BUT. i think its even better #envisioning that she is speaking to her actual audience. the love they have for her and the love she is trying to communicate to them #i mean especially “i don't like my mind” just feels like a response to “love me more” where she begs to keep her job #specifically so she doesn't have to be alone with all these thoughts. so she can be witnessed #but then i feel like “the deal” and “when memories snow” are responses to “working for the knife” and “everyone” where her job leaves her #feeling emptied out of all this pain and love simultaneously. hence the ghostliness of the whole album #and her coming to terms with this feeling of emptiness. or actually. the loneliness of having no witnesses at all. after the music.#being king of her own land. if one would like to use that turn of phrase #IS ANYONE ELSE GOING INSANE OR.

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noname-404s-blog · 1 year

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addictt-with-a-pen · 6 months

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oh, don’t mind me, just over here being the most unlovable creature in existence

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shit-im-bpd-too-now · 1 year

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That feeling when you’re all alone and want to call someone but realize there’s no one to call.

#I feel so alone and so empty #bpd #actually bpd #borderline personality disorder #bpdstuff #bpd feels #actually borderline #bipolar disorder #bpd problems #mental illness #mental health

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worthless-misery · 1 month

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Dear diary...

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry I always feel so hopeless...

I'm sorry I think ending myself is the only way out...

I'm sorry I don't take care of myself...

I'm sorry I don't study or work hard enough...

I'm sorry I'm so bad with money...

I'm sorry I sleep so much...

I'm sorry I don't go to therapy...

I'm sorry I dissociate so much...

I'm sorry I always want to relapse...

I'm sorry I don't try hard enough...

I'm sorry I want to give up...

I'm so sorry... You deserve so much better than me...

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uniquezombiedestiny · 6 months

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come on

please tell me

#link leads to the music used in malks 5th story - alone by dan farley #art #malkuth #lc malkuth #malkuth lobcorp #lobotomy corporation #lobotomy corporation spoilers #made this at like 2-3 am in a fit of 'god i love malkuths story and dialogue so much'#i could go on forever and ever but here ill talk about how much i love her expressions. they way the cognition filter has her with that #constant cheery look #when shes not smiling it looks odd #and in her 5th story cutscene the music really hammers in the feeling of like. loneliness. of the facade fading away or crumbling #'come on; please tell me. so i can feel rewarded; just a bit.'#this final moment when her smile fades hits the hardest of all for me #knowing it doesnt come back beyond that (ofc until post meltdown)#the just... desolation. desperation? it feels so alone. calling out into the void #the entire time it feels so profoundly sad honestly #but this makes it feel hollow. when malkuth truly feels/looks entirely hollow #though here i may have drawn it less empty more like. expectant #i hope it still gets that across - the feeling of hollowness #again i could go on about malkuth forever. my favorite sephirah i love her so much

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idnwtdta · 4 months

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there is so many fuckin things i wanna say loud but i keep it to myself

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quins-makeshift-menagerie · 3 months

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sigh hope everyone’s having a good [insert time of day]

#camping wasn’t as relaxing as we thought it would be #truth be told we only stayed one night #the spot we were at was a crazy walk from the car up and down hill #and then we were all alone all the other spots were empty #so every single sound put us completely on edge #so neither of us slept #we got completely eaten up by bugs #and I got some first degree burns around my mouth and nose which #man I already hated my body now I’m just disgusted every time I look in a mirror #which I’m doing a lot of since I’m cleaning my face a lot #spent all today just trying to rest #anyway #we’re gonna try and start moving things tomorrow so hopefully we’re getting closer to normal #hoping my face clears up enough before my doctors appointment on Monday because I don’t want to talk about it with the doctor #i should but its not that bad #its having heavier psychological damage than physical atm #i feel gross

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hella1975 · 3 months

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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment

#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours #which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart #not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently #EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that #there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM #THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS #and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME #LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED #so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour #like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally #have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week #but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN #and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE #FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR #AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill #it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about #and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors #and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593 #my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it #bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment #i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time #i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin #and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day #omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES #LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS #hella slaves to capitalism

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hephaestuscrew · 5 months

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I'm still thinking about that scene in Victoriocity S3E7 where Fleet runs back towards the Beast so as to lure it into the path of the train...

Clara's exclamation of 'Teamwork, Fleet!' after Fleet says he's got a plan reflects her conviction that any plan that Fleet has will be a shared plan, something they do together.

This conviction is a kind of trust, and that trust is part of the reason Clara takes a moment to realise Fleet has headed back towards the Beast. She trusts that he's following behind her. She keeps talking to him, her words full of optimism.

When she realises Fleet isn't there, she immediately realises what that must mean he's done, and her voice sounds more small and scared than I think we've ever heard it before.

Fleet's attempt at self-sacrifice is a kind of betrayal of Clara's trust, but when he echoes her celebration of their teamwork in a more somber tone, I think it suggests that he understands the weight of that betrayal.

If Fleet's plan is that Clara won't realise he's gone until it's already too late, then he thinks "Teamwork, Clara" will be the last words he'll ever speak to her. In what he imagines will be their final conversation, Fleet affirms Clara's understanding of them as a team who work well together, even as he is making a choice that rejects the possibility of their teamwork in this scenario. It's a recognition of what their dynamic has meant. It's a goodbye and an apology, even if Clara doesn't understand it as such at first.

I don't think Fleet sounds scared as he initially faces down the train. When he shouts "Yeah, this way, you stupid machine! Come on then!", he sounds defiant and grimly determined.

In fact, I don't think he sounds afraid until Clara appears, until she might be at risk of being in the path of the Beast or the train as well. It's when he shouts "Clara, stay back for God's sake!" and "Please, get back!" that there's real fear and desperation in his voice. He can confront the idea of giving his own life, but not the idea that doing so might put Clara in danger.

Another thing about these lines is that the move from 'stay back' to 'get back' suggests that Clara didn't obey his first instruction but got closer to him (and therefore to the path of the Beast and the train) between those two lines.

Then Fleet gives what might be another attempt at his last words: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry." A repeated apology before an attempted self-sacrifice is an implicit acknowledgement of how much losing him would hurt Clara. He regrets causing her pain.

Even so, he's accepted that he is about to die and that it'd be worth it to destroy the Beast. But Clara very much hasn't accepted either those things. She's still trying to yell over the noise of the train; she's pulling off her ring to throw at him.

I think it's a good illustration of how Clara's optimism is a kind of strength. She always believes that they can "make a new plan" and that it'll be one in which no one has to die. I think Archibald Fleet needs someone like that, someone who'll tell him to drop to the ground when his death advances from both sides, someone who - even in a dark tunnel with an murderous metal monster and a speeding train - won't stop shouting that there's hope.

#Victoriocity #victoriocity spoilers #clara entwhistle #archibald fleet #I have feelings about them!!#I've listened to this scene a normal number of times...#Can't decide if it's more angsty if Clara heard his apology or if she didn't...#Also on the topic of Clara's optimism #I think it is a part of her temperament #but I don't think that means it's always easy or that it isn't something that takes active effort #The 'midnight overthinkies' scene showed us that there's a lot going on under the surface #As previously established I don't personally see Clara and Fleet romantically #but nonetheless there is something Orpheus and Eurydice #about two people who care deeply about each other #in a dark tunnel trying to head towards safety #and one of them trusts that the other is behind them #except Clara doesn't look back for a while and then he actually is already gone #and she's alone wondering if she's lost him forever #I think I can draw those parallels platonically #Oh also there's something impressive about a show that can literally raise a guy from the dead in the first season #and yet still have real stakes when he's in life or death situations after that #something deeply sinister about how in Even Greater London no death ever needs to be permanent #but we know that the vast majority of deaths would be because access to that technology is so restricted #inspector fleet #victoriocity season 3 #victoriocity podcast #Clara & Fleet #The empty man posteth

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brown-little-robin · 3 months

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just had an extraordinarily vivid dream that my family (with the exception of me) decided to go to Japan for the summer/fall with their closest friends, and they left me alone in charge of our empty house without even asking if I wanted to go too, and

#Robin processes emotions on main #okay so context: I've been alone in the house while my family is on vacation for the last week and they decided to stay an extra day #so this isn't out of nowhere #but yikes #also the house they left me in charge of in the dream was 'our' house but it was also the house I grew up in (grandparents' house)#and dang I knew that unemployment and feeling like I'm having trouble with autonomy was getting to me but wow. wow #also I woke up with Tame Impala's song ''Feels Like We Only Go Backwards'' in my head which is NOT REASSURING #I DONT MIND THAT I DIDN'T GO ON VACATION!!! seriously this has been great!!! I've been figuring out how I want to live—#—with this alone time! I'm taking full advantage of the empty house to do some Pondering about the Future!#excuse me brain!!!#anyway please be praying I get a good job for the meantime and eventually a job I want to *stay* in #because right now I'm looking at the future and going 'wow I can't see where I'm going long-term at All. yikes'

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possibly-a-table-or-just-gay · 11 months

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hozier really out here speaking directly to my mental health issues

#DO YOU KNOW I COULD BREAK BENEATH THE WEIGHT #IF THE GOODNESS LOVE I STILL CARRY FOR YOU #THAT ID WALK SO FAR JUST TO TAKE THE INJURY OF FINALLY KNOWIN' YOU #IT AINT THE BEING ALONE #(sha la la)#IT AINT THE EMPTY HOME BABY #(sha la la~)#YOU KNOW IM GOOD ON MY OWN #(~sha la la)#SHA LA LA BABYY #YOU KNOW ITS MORE TO BEING UNKOWN #im feeling fucking TARGETED #andrew how could you DO this to me #hozier #andrew hozier byrne #unreal unearth #unknown / nth #CUS YOU WERE LIKE AN ANGEL TO ME

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endlessmidnights · 1 year

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Why can’t I cry? Am I really that empty?

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