#and labels they want because queerness is good and it deserves to be confusing

[the-ace-lesbians]

Bi lesbian doesn't mean what that answer to that ask says though, that would be bad. Bi lesbian is biromantic homosexual which if homoromantic asexuals exist follows logically. Not saying you have to be comfortable with it, I'm still untangling my feelings on it, but it's important to have information when you're talking about these things. As an ace its weirdly close to the 'if you're asexual you can't be gay because your romantic attraction and sexual attraction have to be the same' argument to be entirely comfortable.

I have a lot of thoughts but tl;dr

The SAM shouldn't be used outside of aspec identities, I respect people who identify as bi lesbians but I'm not gonna be social with them, and I feel like the main difference in 'if you're ace you can't be gay' and 'lesbians can't be bisexual' is that gayness does not require sexual attraction, but lesbianism does require no attraction to men.

I maintain that the split attraction model could and should not be used outside of asexuality. It just doesn't work outside of sexuality because it was made specifically to define an identity including a lack of allosexuality or alloromanticism, where you can lack sexual attraction but have romantic attraction to, say women. The SAM works for aces and aros because asexuality and aromanticism do not contradict with queer identity, but benefits in more correctly defining yourself can be had from a modifier being used such as 'biromantic' or 'homoromantic' instead of simply 'bisexual' or 'homosexual'

Issue is, the foundation of being a lesbian is not including men and loving women. Bisexual and lesbian, while of course we share similar attractions and love and experiences, contradict each other if used together to explain a single identity, because one specifically requires the absence of attraction to men. To me, using the SAM to say you're a biromantic woman but you only like women sexually just feels like internalized comphet to an extreme degree - everything about a lot of it (of course not all and not every definition because it's a nuanced discussion) just feels like comphet to me.

Outside of that, the answer from that ask is absolutely one of the many different meanings to the term 'bi lesbian'. I've never even seen it applied to biromantic homosexuals, only bisexual sapphics who don't want to use the term bisexual sapphic.

I've seen plenty of people say other meanings, but the main one I see is people using it instead of bisexual sapphic or any other term we have specifically to avoid including men in lesbianism. It's a label that has an incredible amount of meanings, and it's definitely different to everyone who uses it or talks about it. There is no defining meaning.

I think, personally, the conversation is still different from the aphobic things people say - Primarily because gay doesn't specify sexual or romantic attraction. Like I said above, asexuality does not contradict anything about a lesbian identity. Lesbianism about loving other sapphics and only other sapphics - a loose definition because gender is so strange and confusing, but we can at least all agree that women.

It was absolutely acephobic and arophobic rhetoric that guided the OG hatred and aphobia we saw in the queer community, and it still is, but the reason that it's wrong to say we can't be gay and ace is because we literally, by definition, can be. Gayness and queer love isn't defined by sex, you know?

I do hear how it can sound too similar, and in the beginning that was a big reason I didn't have any opinion. I think the main difference is that in this, one of the labels used is quite literally defined by the lack one thing that the other has.

Even then, I'm not going to campaign against people identifying with the label bi lesbian, and I'd protect them if they needed help, they're still my queer siblings even if I don't particularly feel comfortable with the way they're labeling themselves because that's genuinely just none of my business, and my feelings don't mean anything about their identity!

And, in turn, their identity and feelings have no effect on my identity because I'm always going to consider lesbianism something devoid of men and attraction to men, that's sort of the whole point of it.

I also feel the need to say that I am actively reading more into this because I do want to know more! I have a lot of thoughts, and my main one tends to be that labels evolve and change with time and old definitions shouldn't be gospel while new definitions deserve to change, but at the same time some definitions sort of just... can't be changed.

Just as well, side note, another reason I dislike the term bi lesbian is because I have also seen it used by TERFs to describe sapphics dating trans women or sapphics who have had relationships with men, and I feel like if your label is used for transphobic and hateful purposes maybe we should all use the regular terms we had to describe this identity like 'sapphic' or 'sapphic bisexual' or literally just 'bisexual' because bisexuals aren't inherently going to date multiple genders and bisexuality is a beautiful word and identity with a beautiful history but idk I am definitely biased because I love bisexuals so much

[aromantic-diaries]

Yknow I feel more represented by characters who aren't confirmed to be aro/ace or even written as such, but can still be interpreted that way because of how they're characterized, rather than characters who are confirmed to be aro/ace through word of god while the actual story has no implications of that character being aro/ace beyond them not having a love interest. The latter kind of waters it down to not wanting to date or have sex which isn't really all there is to it. I get that not all representation has to be a 100% accurate, deep and touching depiction of the aro/ace experience, but that doesn't mean completely ignoring the character's identity beyond not giving them a love interest.

I will elaborate with two examples under the cut

So for the word of god representation, let's take Lilith Clawthorne from the owl house as an example. I think she's a great character, I liked her, and I think the owl house is a fantastic show that deserved better. However I don't think of Lilith as good representation because the only real confirmation we have is outside of the actual show. It's not in the canon material, she doesn't have a love interest but she's not even the only character who stays single so that doesn't mean much. She isn't shown to be any different from anyone, her being aroace isn't really relevant in any way. I'd say the best word for describing this type of representation is Passive. We know she's aroace because it was confirmed outside of the show, she doesn't have a love interest, but it doesn't really go beyond that. I get that the show was cut short and maybe it would have been elaborated on more but that's just a generous assumption on my part. My point is, I don't really see any real aro or ace experiences reflected in her character, neither mine or anyone else's. She doesn't really represent any actual aspec experiences at all which is why I don't consider her to be good representation. I still understand the community's attachment to her though, we take what we can get and what we get is very little. So while I love the owl house, the aroace representation is pretty dissapointing compared to the great representation of other queer identities and I'm kinda bummed that the aroace character still gets sidelined in an otherwise very queer friendly show

For another example I'll bring up my all time favorite, Rudy Waltz, protagonist of the book Deadeye Dick by Kurt Vonnegut. Deadeye Dick is not a feel good story. The story is dark, bitter and the conclusion is no different. Still, I would describe it as oddly comforting and pretty funny at times. So what does that have to do with anything? Well, our Rudy can very well be interpreted as asexual and probably aromantic as well. He isn't referred to as such, he describes himself as a neuter, the author states in the preface that the protagonist's disinterest is a metaphor for his own declining sexuality, and the book was written before the term aromantic was even coined. However, as an aromantic asexual reading the book, I could not help but deeply relate to Rudy's lack of interest in ever having sex or finding a romantic partner. I felt kinship with him as he described knowing how many people there are who are just like him and yet they go unnoticed by most people, because I was one of those people. I related to him and the way his disinterest in sex was met with such confusion from another character. Despite not being described as such, Deadeye Dick is very much in part an asexual and an aromantic story because the protagonist's experiences line up with that of someone on those spectrums. You could argue that calling him aroace is problematic due to him fitting a negative stereotype due to his emotional detachment, or that he only fits the label because of said detachment, but that does not change the fact that he is still better representation than a character who was confirmed outside of the story with no real implications. I see myself in Rudy more than I do in Lilith because Rudy actually feels like an aroace character

Anyways, rant over. Feel free to disagree with me

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

The asexual struggle -

When it comes to the ‘are we LGBTQ+’ question, a lot of us asexuals have complexities far beyond the label, or multiple associations.

Let’s start at the beginning. For folks who are traditional LGTBQ+ - do u remember how hard it was to get to the limited, tepid (to say the least) level off acceptance that you have today? Asexuality in general isn’t there yet. We are still a few decades behind in the society’s mind. We share a lot of similar struggles - we are seen as broken, people think we choose who we are, than can/want to/should be ‘fixed’, etc. we too have dangerous negative associations attached to us. We get called paedo, we are called prudes or incels, we are told we can and should change. Society needs to understand that the lack of attraction, and/or lack of desire, resolution, etc. - and everything in between deserves just as much recognition as this who have heterosexual, or lgbtq+ sexual identities.

What puts us behind? We are rarely even acknowledged. We are the red headed stepchild, sort to speak. No one really knows us, or our struggles, they don’t care. They think we are a joke. It’s incredibly hurtful and damaging. We are frequently overlooked and misunderstood. We are often not taken seriously, and frequently ignored by both straight and other other non straight folks. We have fighting within our own community that causes confusion. This still does not give anyone an excuse to invalidate our existence. We, just like anyone else, didn’t choose it. Some folks struggle with it. Some of us have learned to embrace it in the wake up struggle, but there is usually struggle. Additionally, some folks can be both lgbtq+ AND some form of asexual. (In my case, I like male characters who are not human or animals. Apparently I’ve developed a thing for male machines lol.)

For some folks, the LGBTQ+ identity has more relevance. That is ok, as long as they have sincere intentions, and aren’t looking for attention. Yes, using sexually/gender identification for attention - that is a thing, and it’s been a thing for ages. For me, the label doesn’t mean so much. I don’t even really say I’m queer. I’m definitely unique, and I’ll stick to that. This does not mean that I feel there’s anything wrong with those who do identify more with LGBTQ+. I’m still an ally. I’m not going to hate someone who decides I’m not part of that greater label. I do take extreme offence with those who ‘bingo’ me, and invalidate who I am, or think I’m not serious about it. Worse yet, the ones who think I chose to be asexual, or decide they will ignore how I feel because they don’t know what sexuality is, and don’t care to open up their minds and learn. Then there are those who pretend to be asexual because they are trying to gain something from you, and it’s not clear wtf their intentions are. Or, sometimes it is. Still cringe.

However, in many aspects of society, there’s an unspoken social competition - men vs. Women, sexuality vs sexuality, culture vs culture, religion vs religion, political affiliation vs another political affiliation. There is some relevance behind the reasoning for some of these, but not all. Some of it has become an ego game. This behaviour is toxic. It does not good for anyone involved. It simply persuades prejudice and ignorance. Education, and the willingness to learn is paramount. This was said about the lgbtq+ community, and still is. The asexual community is now saying the same. This is what we are penultimately asking for. We want to learn how to be more recognised, more accepted in society, and given our rightful place. We agree that the mindset of ‘heterosexual is the only healthy identity’ is wrong. Please do not treat us like we are the enemy, especially when we are sex/romance repulsed. We seem gain the most eye rolls - both from within and outside our own own ace sphere. It’s a tiring argument, and we need to spend that energy toward more productive things, working together to help make things better for all ‘minority identities’. Even if u don’t identify with someone else’s sexual identity, respect it. That’s the most important thing. You would want that too. You wouldn’t want to be treated as a joke, as if your sexuality doesn’t matter. Don’t do this to others. This includes all of us in the asexual community, no matter what that may mean for us individually.

[the-astral-clump]

PLURALITY & PRIDE

On the first day of Pride Month we decided to write a little thing about how our plurality and our queerness affect each other.

But before that, lets get some things out of the way: This is a safe space for every system and any who identify with multiplicity. This is also a safe space for every good-faith identity. We also greatly encourage other systems/plurals to share their own experiences. <3 (mind you this post is a bit long and rambly so theres a closing message slash tldr at the end)

Alright! That being said, this is half describing our fuckyweird identities as a system and half a love letter to it all.

Labels are things that I (the host, Alex) have strugged with for very long time. Since the way we experience such things like fronting as blending, blurring, and/or passive influence I often find it difficult to differentiate my sexuality and gender from my headmates, due to this melding of sometimes contradictory identities (for example, Alex and Mae being transmasc and transfem respectively) we often experience some very.. well.. queer feelings. We all have different appearances in headspace, and due to the nature of our headspace, we can often change these at will. This however (unfortunately) cant be transated into our physical body, which is afab. You can perhaps imagine the feelings that might arise from having an alter who is and enjoys a feminine body co-front with an alter who is a lot more masc leaning, or maybe you can't. Either way you can at least imagine how confusing this can be, having two voices, two entirely separate people, share a body and wish for entirely different things for it. Having alters who experience different levels of romantic and sexual attraction as well as attraction to different genders. How it might feel to have a largely asexual alter co-front with an allosexual alter with a very high libido, how it might feel for a bisexual alter to blur with a homosexual alter unable to really percieve the presence of eachother. Often Alex and Sasha co-front, Alex is aroacespec and experiences minimal attraction though usually towards men, Sasha is m-spec and (very) allosexual. They also feel differently as to presentation, Sasha being much more feminine than Alex, this can lead to weird dysphoric feelings, feeling gay and bi feeling like a girl but also mlm, feeling so many different ranges of conflicting emotions and identities.

Although things like this have brought us great frustration and caused conflicts within the system, this pride month we want to instead celebrate these incongurences in identity. We want to celebrate having complicated identities, having feelings that perhaps conflict with eachother. Because this is real, what we experience is real and it deserves recognition and respect. This is something that can and should apply to everyone, regardless of wether they identify as plural, queer, or anything else. So here's for a lovely pride month, to my fellow queer systems, and to all the people and creatures whose identities dont fit into a solid mold.

closing message/ tldr; As a system we experience many conflicting and weird combinations of indentities and we are learning to live and love this aspect ouf our lives, and hope others can too. You deserve love, pride includes those with complex identities, be weird, be yourself, be queer unabashedly and love yourself for it. &lt;3

[pidgefudge]

very long and rambly and i suppose ventish post incoming so read at your own risk i guess

ive been thinking about my queer identity and how i still feel alienated from the community based on race. my parenrs.never told me about or even mentioned queer people existing (i learned about it from a friend) so i wasnt even aware of the concept until i was 11. and even then it felt like a far-off alien thing to me. obviously i have turned out very queer but i still doubt myself all the time because it feels like im not supposed to be queer. especially since becoming active on pinterest and later tumblr, ive seen that the vast majority of the queer people i interact with (and seemingly in general) on these platforms are white. and yeah western society dominated by white people etc. i know but. it feels likes it's doubling down on this concept in my head of “being queer is for cool white people only.” as an indian kid being raised in an extremely conservative hindu environment it feels like im not supposed to be involved with all this stuff? my parents always parrot this worldview of us being above to other races/religions/etc. (and they still ascribe to the caste system so our being brahmins only exacerbates their perceived superiority) and i have always tried to fight them but. it has definitely isolated me from others either way and leaves me feeling like im not supposed to be queer. im not supposed to even think about any of this all i need to do is study hard get good grades go to a good university get a well paying job marry whoever my parents choose have a few kids and be an obedient wife or whatever. and obviously i don't want any of this for myself (in fact it's like my worst nightmare) but i can't shake the feeling of it being the morally correct thing/my obligation. that was a whole tangent but anyway yeah my coming from that background vs so many other queer people just. existing. being fine and comfortable in their queerness. come to think of it i only know a single other queer indian. anyways. i cant escape that alienation from the community because there aren't a lot of people like me in it (especially not in the circles im in) and idk it's frustrating. and confusing. lonely.

funnily enough the aroace part doesnt bother me itself because my parents are strict and emotionless and a (poorly chosen) arranged marriage and they actively DESPISE any and all romance/affection so i never felt broken or pressured to date lmao. this is just normal. but putting a label on it felt “wrong” because i wasn't funky and queer this is just how i was supposed to be.

sorry this was really long and rambly and tangential and im not entirely sure i even got out everything that i wanted to say but its been in my head for years and i just needed to put it down somewhere. if you read this whole thing well firstly (and i say this with so much love) what the fuck is wrong with you lmao. secondly mad props for even comprehending any of it you deserve a reward 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪 take the cookies :3 thanks for coming to my ted talk or whatever

[andromedaexists]

Andi I have 0 spoons rn for thinking so pretend I sent you an emoji for that lgbt ask that you REALLY want to answer and I will listen like that Spiderverse meme 💕💕💕

lmaoooo hi Alex!! i fully understand and i hope you get some good good rest, you deserve it <3

in the meantime, i've been eyeing this question:

💙 - When you first learned about the Queer community, did you immediately realize ‘That’s me!’ Or did you consider yourself a ‘really good ally’ for some time?

because hooo boy do i have a story for you

So, imagine if you will a little baby Andi. Like 14 years old, just starting high school at this big fancy STEM+M school. I didn't know what I was doing or how I got there, I was just a simple country kid from a town of 2,000 people. I was considered a nerd at my home school and a jock at this new school, everything was out of whack.

I had also just gotten out of a really really toxic relationship. Like, I was The Goth Cheerleader™️ at my home school and I was dating the quarterback kind of toxic relationship.

Actually, touching on that a bit more. I was a cheerleader. Not only that, but I was one of the best cheerleaders on that squad. I had years of dance (Ballet, Hip Hop, and Jazz) behind me and it showed on the field. I was goth (i still kinda am tho i blend the line between goth and punk and don't care about labels anymore) at the time and hyper feminine. Hair down to my mid-back, over the top makeup every day, the whole nine yards. Only, I fucking hated wearing the cheerleading uniform and i never knew why (keep this in mind lmaooo)

So back at school. I had no idea what I was doing but I ended up going to my school's GSA. I knew that my best friend that I had known since we were 5 was gay (tho not out at the time) and the new friends i was making at this school were... queer? i didn't know what that meant, i obviously had a lot to learn

I was in that GSA for about a year before the president (a trans man) sat me down after one of our meetings and asked if he could talk to me. we started off just chatting about life and why i joined the GSA ("I want to be a good ally to my friends! I have a lot to learn!") before we started talking about gender and gender presentation.

Turns out normal girls don't vehemently despise their cheerleading uniform. Nor do normal girls get squicked when their boyfriends say that they can, in fact, feel their boobs in a hug. Nor to girls do everything in their power to wear oversized clothes that hide every single overdeveloped curve on their body. That day, that trans man asked me "are you sure that you are a girl?". That day started the two year long gender crisis that ended up with me coming out at trans.

So yeah, when i first saw the queer community, i fully thought i was a straight ally. baby me would be so confused to see me now

[honeybeecomebuzzingme]

I am overthinking and it's really frustrating I've just realized that it's nearly 5:00 a.m. so I should probably be asleep. However, overthinking is very frustrating yet I don't believe that I've said anything bad in my blogs at all really.

I think people know that this is just me trying to vent in a way that doesn't come back to bite me somehow.

I don't want to over text people anymore.

I don't want to delete messages anymore.

I want to just be able to have all of my friends and everyone I know just be happy.

I want to be happy but I don't know how to communicate with people so that causes me a lot of anxiety. I need to be anxious all the time. That's what people want right?

If I'm not anxious people assume that I'm anxious so there's no winning scenario.

If I'm trying to do something helpful and useful people think I'm gonna hurt myself or even more break something. I'm 31!?

My dad and everyone really confuse me with assumptions about my labels and gender. I know I'm gender fluid because I want to be nice as both and I like being called dude or bro. I don't like that it's assumed that women like dresses because they're women and not because dresses are cool. I don't like but it's assumed that woman like shoes because they're women and not because shoes can be quite practical and history has informed fashion to be the way that it is so it's quite neat to see how things have progressed in terms of function and productivity. In shoes!

I like things because I like things not because my gender dictates it.

I want to have children and get married because I want to make a family that is better than the family that came before me. This is nothing to do with the gender that I was born as or the monogamous old religion that I was forced into when I was growing up. This also has nothing to do with the gender of who I might marry.

I am queer. I seem to cry over odd things.

I don't seem to be able to control my emotions and I never had anyone to teach me. My dad believes that my ex is the one that was supposed to do this and stuff like that. My dad said that my ex not doing that meant that my ex was abusive.

This has been the rinse and repeat of every relationship I've been in no matter what gender that person has been. My dad has not acknowledged and does not want to acknowledge that I am attracted to girls or non-binary people. my queers!

I don't think I choose to be manipulated or abused at all and I don't think my partners that I've had were actually all abusive.

And I definitely do not think that any of my exes deserve to be tarnished with the same brush. ((Just because one was on the register does not mean that all the ones to that same accent are on the register)). And frankly my dad makes me feel like I will never be good enough and there's nothing I can do to not be abused.

All I can do is eat ice cream and then try to sleep. I have taken my meds and I'm tired.

I'm actually eating okay now with these meds and I feel like if I eat then that does help with my more negative symptoms.

And if you want me to talk more about my poems that might be the next thing I do.

You know if I don't go to sleep haha 😆

[waffliesinyoface]

sometimes im very curious about like. school culture, immediately before and after my time.

there’s a reason i refer to myself and people my specific age as “zillenials”, because while generation gaps are largely stupid, mid-late 2000s to early-mid 2010s are VERY MUCH entirely different beasts, and going through school in that timeframe?? 

classes went from “we’re using the overhead projector today” to “we replaced the chalkboards with whiteboards so you need to buy expo markers” to “SMART boards are new and fancy and kids really wanted to be the one who got to calibrate it” to “the SMART board is old and outdated, we’re going to use it as a projector while you log in to this website using the school laptops to take the test” to “okay everyone get out your smartphones and go to this link”. 

and like. that’s not even getting into all the different types of teaching fads, “no child left behind” shit, different types of standardized tests*, funding changes, teachers who were also struggling with the rapid changes, etc. 

*(literally, i had to take a freshman english test in senior year because it was a requirement to graduate, despite the fact it had not existed in my freshman year. it was then. discontinued. like a year later.)

you know how like. a lot of shows set in high school back then had an episode where the students were given a sack of flour and had to pretend to be married and pretend it was their baby. My brother is 5 years older than me, and it was an Actual Thing He Was Expected To Do, as part of home ec. When I went to the exact same high school, home ec class no longer existed.

Back in october last year when i was learning to sew, i asked my mom some questions that she thought were very funny because they were the most basic of basics. When i said a sewing pattern was confusing, she said that even beginner patterns assumed that the person attempting it had taken a sewing class in school. This is the level of disconnect I’m talking about. Things just. stopped? existing?? We saw this in real time with cursive. Like. in elementary school there were several years where it was expected that we learn it, and later years you would get docked points if they weren’t written in cursive with blue or black ink. Cut forward a few years and everything needs to be in print. People at work 3 years my junior cannot even read it, let alone write it. It went from Mandatory & Important to Outdated to We’re Not Teaching That Anymore.

Also back on the topic of sewing, that segues nicely into The Gays.

Im not entirely sure what the culture was like before my time, because of the few older gays i know, they’re either not american or didn’t figure it out until at least college. But like. I know it wasn’t good. I also know that it was a lot more hidden? According to my dad, forever ago the polite way of calling someone gay was “they’re not the marrying type”. 

Nowadays from what little i’ve gleaned from social media and occasional screenshots of tiktok, it. Seems better? On the surface? Teens are less prone to giving a shit about other students?? I dont know. 

Meanwhile, my experience was like. Gays dont exist. Gays are the Enemy of The American People. Gays are the wacky friend character on TV. Gays exist solely in fiction. Gay people will cause the downfall of society. The very specific type of fujoshi who constantly shipped male characters together but also thought if people were gay in public they deserved to burn in hell. Girls who played sports needed to dress in a very specific way to avoid being labeled as a dyke. Girls cant be gay what are you talking about. There is a school club dedicated to being An Ally™ of Gay People. 

IS THERE ANY WONDER. THAT QUEER PEOPLE MY AGE. ARE ALL INSANE. FUCK. not enough of an Other to be stoned to death (unless you were in the deep south, in which case, good fucking luck), but also no longer had the slight protection being invisible offered, and also everyone subtly hates you, and also there were assemblies on how hating you was frowned upon, and also Here Is A Mandatory School Event Where You Must Present As Heterosexual And Within Gender Roles : ), and a AAaaAAAAAAA

it was good because queer shit was showing up more often in more mainstream things and we could point to it and go “now hold on just a minute, why does this appeal to me” but it was bad because if you were too interested or interested in the wrong way, it painted a goddamn target on you. I intentionally attempted to give myself a multiple personality disorder early on in high school because I knew i was trans, but i also knew (from experience) that letting any of that show was inviting people to beat me bloody. (also, i knew enough about trans stuff to know it existed, but not enough to know about HRT. and when i had learned about it it was in the context of “MAYBE you’ll get it if you present passingly as female for a year or two without it : )” horror stories.)

*cough*

anyways. the 2006-2016 or so era was a complete fucking hell and apparently i needed to yell about it a little bit?? I imagine school culture before my time and nowadays have their own unique hells too, but i cannot fathom them because mine was so unlike either.

[thearchivistswilltolive]

I posted 811 times in 2022

That's 653 more posts than 2021!

126 posts created (16%)

685 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kohak-u

@shortgremlinman

@ducksmith1546

@inthetags

@professionalchaoticdumbass

I tagged 210 of my posts in 2022

#dw spoilers - 85 posts

#doctor who - 28 posts

#heartstopper - 14 posts

#heartstopper tv - 11 posts

#thasmin - 10 posts

#charlie spring - 9 posts

#nick nelson - 9 posts

#the magnus archives - 8 posts

#alice oseman - 6 posts

#the power of the doctor - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#like bro. what if i don’t shave my legs and i have a big nose and my lips are small and my ears are red and my thighs are big

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

do you guys know how madly blindingly angry I am that there is not going to be another julie and the phantoms series. them fuckers at netflix cancelling all the good fucking shows. no more fucking jatp and babysitters club is ended as well. i’m literally crying about these kids shows. we never got to see alex x willie become real. it ended on a cliffhanger. i’m so tired. it was so good as well.

EDIT: at least we have heartstopper. thank fuck. I feel like we deserve it after this. but equally like. this is tumblr. the demons on this hellsite deserve none of alice’s blessings. thank you Alice Oseman for making my live liveable btw :))

68 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#4

I WANTED A FUCKING GOODBYE KISS

JUST A TEAR SOAKED “hey. one last thing” KISS

ITS NOT THATFUXKINFHARD

MY CRYINF HAS MORPHED INTO ACTUAL RAGE

71 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#3

hi does anyone have queer book recommendations that are less… concrete. about who they’re representing.

I’m a queer person. I know this. I think i’m non binary but I don’t know. I might be a girl I might be a guy i don’t know. I’m with a guy, but I think I also like girls. I think ? I think i’m asexual but I could be wrong you never know.

I want a book that gets that. i’m not questioning. I just don’t particularly care. I think that the only characters I get who are like this in any way, are very bi coded. the ace spec vibes is the things that I never find. I don’t mean someone discovers that they are asexual, but someone that knows about the asexual labels, and partly relates to them and is okay with that. I really just don’t relate to that certainty, or that sort of. tortured confusion. I am not tortured. I simply vibe baby.

72 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

#2

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS’ FAVOURITE PODCAST EPISODES. all the podcasts. EVERY AUDIO DRAMA. COME TELL ME WHAT PODCASTS YOU LISTEN TO AND WHAT YOUR FAVOURITE EPISODE(S) IS (ARE) AND WHY.

in person not many people listen to me about my podcast obsessions. I know how that feels. come rant to me about this. I would love to hear it. give me a whole fucking essay about all of your audio drama thoughts. thank you.

95 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I don’t think we have a release date yet but can we all agree to make the heartstopper tv show ridiculously popular? like watch it twice over in the first week of it being out- hype about it here, and on twitter, and just make it huge!! make people who haven’t even read the comic watch it because of the hype! I think we can do that if we try. any season two will be possible and sooner if we do. and also like, talk about it to real people in our lives like lame boring fuckers you know-

113 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[writing-for-life]

Bi-erasure – A Rant

I am a (somewhat) middle-aged, cis woman.

I am also queer (and no, you don’t get to decide whether l am allowed to refer to myself as "queer" or not). I am in what, quite frankly, should be considered a queer relationship because it is not heteronormative, no matter how much people try to assert it is: I am a cisbi woman married to a cishet man. A man who knows I am bisexual, a man who knows about my past romantic and sexual relationships with both men and women. A man who fell in love with me like I fell in love with him. Two people who connected on a deep level. Simple, isn’t it?

Maybe not that simple: Because I happened to choose him as the partner I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, l am automatically seen in a heteronormative light: I surely must be a straight woman if l am married to a man, even more so since I popped out a child along the way, right?

That’s a whole lotta assumptions right there, and honestly, it’s about time we stop having one glance at people’s relationships and then pretend we understand what they are, or indeed who they are.

I wouldn’t even say anything if I weren’t so fucking used to (and pissed off by) bi-erasure for as long as l can remember. And I dare say from both inside and outside the LGBTQ+ community.

My most common experiences (disclaimer: The irony of having to label people in this post to describe my experience or to make a point is not lost on me)?

Some cishet men looked at me through what can only be referred to as the “male gaze”: There is an idea that getting off with another woman is “hot”. They might even propose a threesome (they’re just curious, you know?), but ultimately, they have you down as straight (potentially “bicurious” at most). When it came to longer romantic relationships, their fragile ego often started to show, and they felt threatened by someone (a woman) they thought they couldn’t “compete” with. Yes, even if there was absolutely no romantic or sexual interest present (in said woman).

Some cishet women (sort of passive-aggressively, of course) assumed I was a slut, even if they knew feck all about me. Because if you are sexually attracted to both men and women, you surely must be insatiable, right? Or they thought I might be hitting on them just because I’m bi. I hate to break it to you, but I’m not sexually or romantically interested in everyone who walks on two legs (are you?), so calm the fuck down.

However, what always stung most was the bi-erasure from inside certain parts of the LGBTQ+ community.

I have to admit that most of my gay or trans friends and acquaintances were never much of an issue (notable exceptions aside, but I’m talking about trends in my community). They were, by and large, either supportive or simply not interested. And I actually somewhat like the latter because it just gives me permission to be (not that we should need anyone’s permission) and sees me for what I am: Human.

Radfem and/or TERFy lesbians (NB: I am not saying all lesbians, just to preemptively prevent those with poor reading comprehension from suffering a heart attack) were often a different subject altogether. I could tell you stories about trying to claim me as “one of us”, saying I was betraying who I truly was (a lesbian, of course. Yeah, but no), insinuating I was “fucking the enemy” (I kid you not), and other niceties. All wrapped up with a massive bow of radical feminist bullshit to thinly veil their hatred of men (that included trans women and gays, who were either all considered rapists or pedophiles. Sure, sure…). Or not to veil it at all, but to actually justify it.

I have always considered myself feminist. I have a daughter who is truly deserving of everything good the world has to offer, and I fight tooth and nail for that, but labelling whole groups as “enemies” is just… nah, I won’t even go there.

Long story short:

We do exist.

We’re not “confused” or “just curious”.

We know what we want.

We aren’t any less bi if we happen to choose a life partner that makes our relationship look outwardly “heteronormative”. That’s just love – it hits you randomly in the gut.

We don’t go: “Well, I’m bi, but I better make sure my partner doesn’t make me look straight so I don’t lose my street-cred.”

We aren’t interested in your agendas. They are yours, so stop claiming us as something we are not to further your ideas or ideologies.

Stop bi-erasure…

[dcbicki]

jesus h christ, it’s been years. aren’t by*ers tired of trying to make will into a knockoff of el, yet? they want him to have her powers. they think mike’s love confession to el was really to will in disguise. they tried to make hop’s heart to heart to el and mike about by*er and now they want the 3 inch rule to be about by*er too. like if you love a character/ship so much why do you feel the need to constantly try and take things from another ship/character? i’m so tired.

I feel like you didn't even scratch the surface of this issue with those examples; I've seen some insane takes that range from "Mike actually only loves her because she helped find Will" to "He loves her but he’s not in love with her" & "I think El would be happier if she let Mike go" and it's like... where do you think Mike is going??? He's got £3.50, a dream and a road map, and it always leads him right to her. He's tied to Eleven like a goddamn safety harness. If the past four seasons have proven anything, it's that he's not going anywhere — If anything, he's following her wherever she goes because that’s the path he wants to go down.

The grossest take by far is when they claim El needs to be independent *gags* as if women have to be alone to become their own person and figure out who they are, and/or that she shouldn't be in a romantic relationship until she's properly healed from her trauma. Then in the next breath, they’ll tell you Will has it worse — as if there's some sort of scale for measuring childhood trauma — but he would be perfectly well-adjusted in a relationship with Mike because Mike is a caregiver. This is the same Mike whom they loathe because he *checks notes* was a bad friend for *double-checks* ah, yes, wanting to focus on and care for his girlfriend who was raised in a lab and experimented on for 12 years, who wants to be with him in return because he makes her feel happy and safe and human, and maybe she deserves to be on the receiving end of all of that attention and love.

On top of that, like you said, they project El’s every character trait that make for an interesting, unique female heroine (powers, experiences, growth, maturing romance with her boyfriend, complex relationship with her adoptive father, whole storylines & scenes) onto a still-pretty-underdeveloped male character who is on his own journey of self-discovery and acceptance. From what we do know about Will, he doesn't like to be defined or babied by others, and yet it’s the one thing a lot of his stans — I won’t say all of them — do on the daily.

You can't advocate for a well-written storyline for Will and then just copy-paste a completely different biography onto his character, not when he still needs fleshing out in the first place and not when he needs to define himself. And what is it even done for? Representation that wouldn't even be good representation because it would come out of left field, confuse the larger audience, and wreck at least 3 relationships that have been set up since the first season in the process. That's not good writing. That's not groundbreaking. And not doing it is definitely not queer-baiting. These characters are more than the relationships they have projected onto them. Will’s story arc does not revolve around Mike’s feelings — it’s about how Will feels.

But while we’re here, it is kind of baffling to me that people will label Mike & El's relationship as being 'toxic' or 'boring' and then just straight-up want it transplanted onto their own ship? It’s almost like the problem isn't that they are any of those things, or that Mike & El simply don't work as a couple; it's that the relationship is hetero and therefore considered less than. Which is an absurd take given there's no dynamic quite like it in media; she's an (unconfirmed but widely accepted by the fandom) atypical, neurodivergent superhero with a 'straight man' boyfriend who serves as her primary caregiver, a role typically filled by a female character when the central protagonist is male *coughs up the Lois Lane reference*. There's nothing boring about that, or about the drama they have to endure. If anything, that's what is groundbreaking.

The key problems in this fandom seem to be that everyone is either too immature or unwilling to self-reflect and realize that their views have been skewed by being chronically online and/or too much time spent engaging in fandom discourse and speculation specifically, and now their grasp on what the main plot of the show was in the first place is completely gone. It's about love overcoming interdimensional creatures, you guys. — I promise you these characters aren't secretly wanting to kiss everyone in a one-foot radius as much as you've convinced yourself they are.

And then, you know, there’s just the age-old internalised misogyny when women get in the way of non-canon mlm ships, which isn't limited to this particular subset of fans or even the ST fandom in general. It's the oldest story in the book: get rid of the girl if she stands in the way of *checks smudged handwriting* yep, that was it, a headcanon.

[stormblessed95]

Are you doing a rainbow moments for Jin? He confuses me lol.

Hello! I certainly can do one! I will say that when I do these rainbow moments for the members, this isn't me labeling their sexuality. This is just me picking out moments thay highlight things that are at minimum great allyship and read as moments that make me thing they could be apart of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'm not saying that couldn't be straight because of these things or any other label. I'm just gathering some moments and talking about things that definitely did happen here. You are all free to draw your own conclusions with all that information. Lol if you were to ask my personal opinion, yes, there is definitely a possibility that all of them are LGBTQ+. Of course, they all could be straight too. Who knows. Do they all give me sometimes more queer vibes than straight ones? Yes. Does my personal opinion ACTUALLY mean anything? Not really. No. 😂 so everyone should make sure to form their own. In the end, their sexuality doesn't actually matter at all, as long as they are happy, I am happy for them.

Okay, well with all that out of the way, let's get it! Jin Rainbow 🌈💜 Moments:

To start, he had no problem participating in well whatever this was that I can only call extremely sexy touching that alludes to more adult behavior with another man. You can say it's more on the fanservice side, and I would agree. But this is also the year that they started refusing to do fanservice games or saying no to gimmicks that made them uncomfortable, obviously they were okay with this one and the vibes it gave off though:

The way he has always offered to stand in for someone for the members to kiss if they needed/wanted it. The most recent being when J-hope says his sign for the Butter criminal photos says "kiss kiss" Jin turns and almost just goes for it with him. Lol

This one from when Namjoon was reacting his BST statue kiss and Jin said he would play the part of the statue if needed

When he answered that his celebrity crush was Brad Pitt, even after the interviewer tried to insist on an actress

His obvious appreciation for how attractive men can be, sure he could just be confident and okay with appreciating another man (as should be the norm) but it still deserves to be included lol

The way he has zero problem being flirty with men outside of BTS as well. Throwing winks, blowing kisses, cracking jokes. He really has never had any problem telling other men they are attractive or flirting with them, flustering many across the globe

He has checked out and complimented the boys a couple different times, for example complimented all the muscle JK and RM have been building up lately. Or during the Dynamite reaction, he said Jimin's butt looked really good like that, as Jimin was bending over in front of him a little bit lol

I can't not include these iconic super sassy photos from JinJiKook

I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones I could easily remember/find. These could all just be Jin being very comfortable with his sexuality and confident. But they are also moments that could make me go, he might like men too! Lol there is such a wide range of sexualities out there, Jin not being straight is very very possible. In the end though, we simply do not know. It wouldn't surprise me though! The other members (YG, JM, JK, NJ so far) rainbow moments are in my masterlist that you can go check out if you haven't seen those yet. 💜

[diamondcitydarlin]

what do you think about the arguments that lokius is being queerbaited? I want to enjoy and ship it so bad but it seems like im setting myself up for disappointment

And I can't assure you with full confidence that you wouldn't be. I can't be certain I won't be, though I've personally chosen to enjoy what is there and extrapolate from what we are given, even as I know that historically, statistically, it's best to assume a mainstream depiction of a m/m relationship in a Disney-Marvel production is pretty slim. But then...not nonexistent and, in many ways, the likelihood of it actually going there is higher than it's ever been. So there is that.

I've been independently studying LGBTQA+/queer representation in mainstream media for over a decade now. The term 'queerbaiting' is relatively new in fandom spaces (if we're looking big picture, back into the earliest films and TV shows, some of the earliest shipping fandoms like Star Trek), as I only started seeing it maybe around 2012-2014. It's a term I appreciate, because it represented a switch in cultural thinking from holding no expectations of creatives in Hollywood to large swaths of LGBTQA+ fans gaining the confidence to say 'no, this isn't good enough'.

It also represents the switch in Capitalist approaches to LGBTQA+ citizens, from catering solely to the religious, satanic panic morality by pretending gay people simply don't exist, to deciding that gay fans are in fact lucrative and need to be included just enough to feel inclined to monetarily contribute to a brand. They'll write scenes between characters with intentionally confusing, ambiguous energy, give them moments that are meant to be read into deeply, but rarely, rarely, with any kind of payoff that would alienate homophobic investors. The insidiousness of this tactic is in the fact that when payoff does not happen, viewers can be easily gaslit into thinking that was never the intention in the first place, they were the ones who were wrong in their takes. As I've worked professionally in entertainment as actress, director and producer with rather big capitalist brands I won't mention names of, I can assure you this -is- very much a thing, please stop giving corporations the benefit of the doubt.

There is no clean definition or qualification for queerbaiting, despite how often people want to gatekeep how gay viewers use this term. To be clear though, it is an accountability term before anything else. Not an insult, not an accusation that someone isn't good at what they do, it's a reminder that we're owed more than what we're usually given. If we don't speak out, if we don't label things queerbaiting (when they very much usually are), if we don't demand better we will never, ever, ever get it. I promise you that.

Okay, so now that we've established what queerbaiting is at least in my mind...

Do I think Lokius is being queerbaited? Yes, possibly. I'm waiting to see how the rest of the narrative plays out before I come to a definitive conclusion on my own (yes I'm actually optimistic I say as I put on clown make up), but I'm also not going to deny LGBTQA+ fans the right to feel like that's what's happening and voice their opinions. Anyone tasked with writing/creating content for mainstream audiences has a huge responsibility, in that this content will reach millions of people and has the potential to help shape our culture, perceptions- it even has the potential to help normalize and give broad optics of what it means to be queer and have queer relationships, romantic and otherwise. None of this is as trifling as, 'it's just a TV show', because it's never that simple.

As far as Lokius itself is concerned, the show spent a great deal of time first developing their bond and dynamic before (seemingly) switching gears towards elevating romantically the first feminine-presenting character Loki ran into even though there are some clear, uhm...conflicts with the idea of this actually being a thing. If it becomes a thing. It also seemed to first build a solid, unique platonic bond between the 'fem' and 'masc' character that a lot of gay fans would have appreciated seeing playing out before having them mashed together haphazardly as a romantic pairing, as has been done in media for 50+ years now. That's to say nothing of the fact that the most visible feminine character being forced into role of 'love interest' for a broken main character is one we've had to see play out over and over and over and over again too, poorly. People have a right to feel frustrated about that and voice their frustrations accordingly. We expected more of this show than that. (And yes, I am bisexual, I know that it would still technically be a queer relationship, but please consider the broader history/picture here of queer rep in media and the optics of that against that mosaic, please consider the heteronormative lens that so often claims any and every possibility for itself, please consider the long history of how feminine characters are often used as coping tools and objects of lust before they are treated as individuals deserving of their own development)

Now, again, I want to say that I am not convinced of anything really right now. I'm not taking any of the writers at face value because they are all bound by contracts and NDAs and aren't going to come out and say what the outcome of the show will be, so nothing they're putting out on twitter or in interviews is something I will be taking as absolute truth beyond assuming they're trolling, maybe even have been instructed to keep the pot boiling in the fandom through social media antics. Don't rule it out.

Things really could go either way, but my point is I do not deny the possibility of what this is and I'm certainly not going to gatekeep how other gay viewers feel they're being queerbaited, and I really don't see any reason why anyone else should either.

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

I would love to know y’all’s opinion on the word Queer.

When I talk to cis people (that are not straight in some way) they usually say that they think of it as more of a slur or offensive. On the other hand I talk to other people under the trans umbrella it’s pretty much unanimous that Queer is a good term for people who don’t really want to label themselves quite yet, have no idea what to label themselves as, or really any other reason.

I use the term queer because I think it fits me the most. It’s easier to say I’m queer then saying that I am a gay trans man that isn’t really gay or a man. I’m a man but it’s like you bought “Man” from a knock-off website; it’s a man alright but there’s something off about it. And I’m gay unless you squint and see that I don’t really care, but I do have a preference to masc presenting folk (and have been told that I’m not “bi or pan enough” to call myself either one, and not being comfortable with those labels anyway.)

I don’t know if this is a good ask or not, I just like some of the stuff that, specifically Fae, has written about the LGBTQIA+ community. Love what y’all are doing and hope that you are doing well 💜💜 :)))

🥺🥺 every time people say they like my LGBTQIAP content I do a little happy cry.

I'm so sick of cis-straight people having an opinion. (Not you specifically, but there's always cis-straight people that are quick to call me a bigot before I'm like "Umm... I'm actually part of this community".)

[Panromantic-asexual. Gender? What agenda? Lol]

Is queer a slur? Yes and no. I use the term a lot to identify the + in LGBT+. Especially in terms like queerphobic. Because queerphobia attacks the parts of the community that aren't specifically LGBT. (Sometimes queerphobia is also transphobic, but I would never call queerphobia as homophobic or Biphobic)

But I also identify as queer. So like, if someone told you that you can't call me queer that's queerphobic. Because I'm literally queer. They can't tell you to not call me what I identify as.

But if you called someone queer and they don't identify as queer? Then it's a slur.

Also like.

Queer has a lot of use. It's really good for "I fit into several labels of the LGBTQIAP community" (I'm asexual Panromantic nonbinary) and it's just easier to use one word.

It's really good for "I want to tell you I'm part of this community, but don't want to explain myself to you." So if there's a joke and people start debating if it's offensive to the LGBT+ community. I don't feel like explaining what asexuality is. I just want you to know I'm part n of this community, so my opinion should be heard here.

And sometimes I'm like at an LGBT+ group, and I don't know if they'll be aphobic. I don't really feel like arguing why I deserve space here right now. I just call myself queer so I can enjoy my space here while I figure out where they stand, and if they're aphobic I can just leave because I get really tired of arguing the validity of my label sometimes.

And, as you said, it's good for "I'm in the LGBTQIAP community but I don't know where." Because questioning means you might be straight. And it's good for people that are like "I don't like so the labels. I'm queer. That's all I need to know."

It's a very versatile word, but just don't use it to describe people that don't use it to describe themselves.

Hope this helps.

Also there's no bad questions. Queer is a very confusing word because it's very situational.

Feel free to ask further questions or more specific questions if you still need help.

-fae

[love-takes-work]

Steven Universe: End of an Era: Outline & Review

I wrote this review in October but never got around to posting it here

Steven Universe: End of an Era is far more than an art book–it’s also a collection of behind-the-scenes material, stories about the experience of working on the show, planning documents and associated background info, and both older versions of developed concepts AND concepts that never made it into the show. It's a huge fusion of all those elements, and it's definitely an experience!

Some low-quality images are included with my review just to give you an idea of what’s there--it’s not a good substitute for getting your own copy, but here’s a tour!

Like the previous concept art book, Art and Origins, I'll be giving you a description of the structure and overview, while also collecting notable information for fans. Obviously just about everything is "notable" once again, but I'll aim for unique insight or perspective on the main source material, keeping the screaming about everything new to a minimum so you can also enjoy something for yourself if you pick it up. My low-quality photos should prevent people from feeling like I'm reproducing the book in any capacity. Please grab one while you can and have your own experience!

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

OVERVIEW

The book is titled "End of an Era" for a couple reasons--obviously because it is released after the show has wrapped, but also because Gem history recently ended its "Era 2" and began Era 3--an age of prosperity and peace. The author--the person in charge of adapting all of this information into this slick, readable package--is Chris McDonnell, whose work was previously applied on the Art and Origins book.

The foreword is by N.K. Jemisin, a well-known science fiction author who's a huge fan of the show (and wrote a really excellent series that also has a weird geological connection, by the way).

And the cover, like its predecessor, is shiny and decorated with a beach scene featuring minimalistic characters--this time it's the Gems at night in front of the Temple, and on the back cover is a big pink leg ship in a cross-legged pose.

The interior covers are decorated with tons of amazing sketches of Steven and Connie on the front, and a bunch of Gem sketches on the back. Every interior page that most would leave blank is highlighted with some kind of sketch art or character exercise--it's so much to look at, so much to absorb.

The book is dedicated "For Eddie."

Its organization is different from the previous book in that it shares applicable work in chunks associated with groups of episodes rather than pertaining to different aspects of building the show.

FOREWORD

N.K. Jemisin gives us such a great introduction to the book--apparently understanding very well that the audience of this book is full of animation enthusiasts and adult fans more than it is full of kids, and explaining that bewildering journey some adults had from blowing this show off as a silly kid thing to falling in love with it hard and fast.

The important thing, Jemisin says, is being able to trust a storyteller with your heart. And it was clear to her that Rebecca Sugar knew what she was talking about and was saying important things about identity and the radical power that comes with accepting it and demanding respect.

Important also is how we handle heroes and who gets to be one in fantasy. That's part of the reason Steven Universe speaks to so many--because we see ourselves here, and know stories can be about us. Acknowledging the power we all have to MAKE THINGS BETTER with what we fight for is so important--especially if we're going to speaking to the next generation about it.

Highlighting Rose Quartz as a "born leader" who failed and Steven as a relatable scamp who did what she couldn't, Jemisin asserts that we can save the world.

1. END OF AN ERA

We start with an appeal to the audience to think about identity and the formative parts of our childhood--and how different it is if who you are and who you become is restricted, mocked, erased, or Not Allowed. Most people, if not ALL people, can relate to this, but for those of us with a special relationship with Steven Universe because of queer identity, this hits hard.

But it doesn't have to be anything grand to be something we respect--this show's authenticity comes largely from how personal everything is, drawn from real-life experiences and incidental truths from each artist's perspective, leaning hard on childhood and formative experiences.

Rebecca Sugar offers some interview bits to discuss writing philosophy and why "writing female characters" was difficult for a nonbinary person who'd been socialized as a girl and a woman. Rebecca has spoken before about how frustrating it is that marketing for cartoons was SO gendered when she was growing up (and to some extent still is).

The Gems in the story are all "she/her," but on their planet they're defined by their work, not by emotion or relationships (unlike women in our society), so having them be socialized opposite to how she was and be able to claim those emotions through choice and NOT as just an expectation "as women" was revolutionary. Rebecca wants her show to tell all marginalized people that they don't deserve to be in the margins.

Weighing in on other aspects of the show were Ian Jones-Quartey, Joe Johnston, and Miki Brewster. Ian describes feeling like at first doing SU was a thrill ride that meant they'd finally get to do all the cool stuff, but it quickly became a responsibility that he took very seriously--the need to tell a good story now that he'd been given a megaphone.

Promotional art, planning documents, character sketches, and concept art from the lighthearted to the stone serious is included, along with some very cool (sort of famous) timeline charts that track major characters' developments. It's emphasized by Rebecca that the developmental materials ARE NOT CANON (and especially are not MORE canon) compared the final show.

There are concept sketches alongside final art for Aquamarine and Topaz in "Wanted" (with Topaz labeled "Imperial Topaz"), the Zircons in "The Trial," Blue and Yellow Diamond, and the Off Colors (including Pink Lars).

And there's also a spread of "the two sides of Steven's life: Gem Magic and Rock N Roll" featuring Sadie Killer and the Suspects (referred to as "Buck's band")--as well as a cool "Crew Cameos" key and some concepts for short-haired Connie.

And then there's some more "finished" art with stills alongside concepts, including some background art, revision, and really cool "fairytale" art from some of the shadowplay storytelling bits. We get "Lars of the Stars," "Jungle Moon," and "Can't Go Back."

2. THE BEGINNING OF THE END: A SINGLE PALE ROSE

In discussing the huge reveals and Gem mysteries in the show, the pacing is examined, and emphasis is put on the intended "slow burn." One of the most difficult things in the show was to strategize so that every piece that was needed to support another piece in the future was placed properly to seed what it was supposed to.

Some of the ideas they developed were more of a group effort and were fit together collaboratively (like Amethyst's being younger than the other Gems and Jasper being from Earth), while others were intended from the beginning based on Rebecca's vision (the fundamental idea of Pink Diamond's true identity, for instance, as well as Obsidian's design and sword and our Pearl not being Pink's first).

The writing process gets a great deep dive here, including fun tidbits like how the orb in the moon base was inserted by Joe Johnston and they literally had no idea what it was for when they wrote the episode. They repurposed it when they figured out what they needed.

Rebecca credits her detailed timelines for helping keep the order straight, and discusses how other artists are sometimes flabbergasted that a storyboard-driven show can have this much detail and continuity and yet not get wrecked by the free non-scripted boarding process. But Rebecca and the Crew valued that approach and loved the way fresh eyes would handle an idea, making it come back alive, entertaining, vivid.

Several Crew members weigh in on the writing process. Lauren Hecht refers to making lots of incorrect guesses despite being on the inside. Joe Johnston recalled getting briefed on his first day and getting so excited to start working on this massive project.

Miki Brewster remembered being told Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond and being shocked--and also confused about why Ruby and Sapphire would need to be married if they're already basically married. Drew Green talks about being brought in late and getting to watch unaired episodes and a rough of the movie while eating cereal.

Ian Jones-Quartey complains about Pink Diamond's real jester-like form being leaked to the internet through a Hot Topic shirt. Rebecca piggybacks on that and says it was upsetting that the wedding was leaked because of toy fair keychains featuring Ruby and Sapphire in wedding attire. They'd always be worried about leaks, and sometimes Rebecca struggled not to talk about the reality of Pink Diamond before the reveal because she knew it would make so much more sense once the truth was out. And everything associated with Rose makes more sense once you know she's Pink--especially what happened with Bismuth, considering what we know about how Pink Diamond has a habit of treating anyone who no longer serves her interests.

When it comes to visual cues, Rebecca also talks about intentional designs to create a feeling of unity between concepts, like the flower shapes on Pink Diamond's palanquin lining up with the poofs of Steven's hair and the star imagery of the series. Steven Sugar and Mary Nash discuss how the Human Zoo incorporated this imagery, trying to look like Homeworld with a Pink Diamond touch.

Steven Sugar, as a game nerd, liked to throw in video game references from old and modern stuff to feel like he's inserting what he's enjoying and who he is from moment to moment, while Mary Nash, who related to Sadie as a basement-dwelling young person with cult interests, liked to include stuff from MST3K and cult movies. Pearl's hand gestures get a spotlight too--her reflex to cover her mouth when Pink Diamond was being discussed was analyzed here.

A "Top Secret Visual Timeline" from 2016 is included which tells us some Diamond history. It has an earlier version of Pink Pearl's fate and does not include Spinel since the movie hadn't been greenlit. The timeline includes the birth of the Diamonds, the emergence and major story beats for each major character, and some philosophy of the driving force behind each.

We're told that Pink Diamond straightened up, behavior-wise, after she lost her first Pearl, and that Yellow and Blue wanted to give her a planet but White only agreed to it to prove she would fail at managing a colony. Pearl, meanwhile, is so confused to have a Diamond who keeps asking her what she thinks when she doesn't believe she should have opinions.

And when Pink moonlighted as Rose to start conflict, she found herself leading an army to fight Pink's troops--then Yellow's, and eventually Blue's too. Lapis is said to be waiting for the conflict to end on Earth so she can terraform, but she gets trapped instead.

Pearl's love story with Rose is described as "an endless honeymoon" where she's free to love her, while Rose's is more like "I'm now the head of the family and I'm going to give everyone what they never had, so everyone is super special!"

Jasper is described as "adopted" into Yellow's army as the only successful Beta Quartz. And White Diamond knew that Pink Diamond was not dead--she thought she was just running away from home like a brat and would eventually be back.

3. THE HEART OF THE CRYSTAL GEMS

Now we discuss Rose Quartz--the original Pink Diamond. How she was selfish and selfless, never enough and always too much, and how Greg was her first partner who "challenged her" to be an equal. Rebecca describes Rose as being delighted by the idea that both she and Greg reinvented themselves, but when that leads her to want to share her past, Greg isn't interested--he only wants to know who she is now, and doesn't consider the old her to be her.

Rebecca likes Carl Jung's concept of "enantiodromia," which is the idea that extremes lead to their extreme opposite. This is demonstrated in all of the Diamonds. This narrative is interspersed with drawings of Greg and Rose being cute.

But another "heart" of the Crystal Gems is its relationships--particularly, Garnet, the fairy tale romance embodied. More psychological theories are discussed with regard to differentiation in a relationship making the relationship stronger, and how they made sure that happened for Garnet during the appropriate arc. Rebecca has struggled with the idea that she, like Ruby, went straight from a "family" group to a living-with-others situation and never lived by herself. But she also learned that you can in fact develop as a person in the context of a relationship--you don't have to be alone to do it. Ruby learned that too, and chose on her own terms to be with Sapphire.

The wedding made so much sense to Rebecca and the crew that they couldn't imagine a wholesome couple like Ruby and Sapphire not having a wedding episode. They wanted it for years: The wedding concepts always included the tuxedo for Sapphire and the wedding dress for Ruby.

But pushback (often blamed on the conservative standards of the international market) led to negotiations trying to keep Ruby and Sapphire's relationship from being explicit. Rebecca and the Crew were very tired of this double standard, and they were especially irritated by attempts to claim a wedding wouldn't be well received by a core demographic or wouldn't make sense for Steven's character. But other shows had done weddings and Steven had been established to love weddings already.

Rebecca kept adding more elements to the wedding episode to answer all the concerns, but she didn't want to back down from explicit marriage between these characters. They deserved it. And the audience deserved to see this as wholesome, like any other cartoon wedding. Eventually they got their way and were allowed to have the wedding. But the ordered episodes were also coming to a close without promise of more, so Rebecca had to request more episodes to be able to wrap up the storyline!

And of course, there is Steven, the true heart of the team. A very interesting aside discusses Garnet's leadership and how the network pushed the Crewniverse to acknowledge Steven as the leader. This was successfully resisted throughout as well--because Garnet is the leader (unless she's incapacitated, of course). It's fantastic that this concept was preserved because too often a young male chosen one is elevated above people with more experience and knowledge because of that chosen one tradition, so it's really nice to have a show acknowledge that team leadership is more appropriate for an adult.

4. ERA 3

Beginning with a discussion of the Diamonds, this chapter deconstructs the dysfunctional "family" of the Diamonds (who are said to be based on tropes about evil stepmothers and stepsisters), with the thread of dysfunction originating with White Diamond.

Yellow is physical, Blue is emotional, White is judgmental, and Pink is impulsive. Some philosophy on why Pink is naturally manipulative and why she clashes so much with White is offered.

White believes her identity is to be imposed on all because she is the pinnacle of what should be--and therefore, she has the right to make decisions and statements about and on behalf of everyone. But her secret is that she can't do what the others do--act or feel or want. In trying to be everyone, she is no one.

And this becomes very important when she confronts Steven about his identity and turns out to be wrong. The triumph of Steven being totally, fully himself is a beautiful, simple revelation that's described as far more satisfying than the theories about Pink living inside him or Rose returning from his Gem.

Also discussed is Gem architecture. A lot went into this idea, and Steven Sugar weighs in to say he had to think of what it would mean for a world to have buildings but serve no human needs. That's why it's mostly focused on transport and storage. Even the broken planet is meant to indicate a place stripped for its resources, and everything serves a function that is meant to avoid looking like the human equivalents.

And there's another layer, too: a difference between Era 1 and Era 2. Era 2 became more functional to hide Era 1's broken bits, and older Homeworld buildings still have some "ornate and ancient" feel to them. And the fact that props, tools, and even walls and doors could be living was taken from a concept Rebecca thought was horrible from old Busby Berkeley movies, where people were inanimate objects and it was portrayed as lovely. Tom Herpich helped conceptualize these living objects.

Steven dealing with "princess tropes" is discussed here too. The Pebbles (worked on with Pendleton Ward) were sort of his Cinderella's mice, and all the locked-in-a-tower, having supportive tiny friends help you, getting princess clothes made, attending a ball, having to mind your manners stuff was intentionally related to fairy tales.

The point of doing that (besides fun) was to easily invoke the feeling that Steven was being made to be someone he's not, and that he was being treated like THIS is who he really is when it isn't. White Diamond as the "evil stepmother" is discussed with regard to her detailed features and massive scale. They generally didn't put fingernails and eyelashes on characters (especially not to indicate that they were women or girls!), but they decided White would get all of these feminine markers for tradition's sake.

Rebecca also invokes several other references that were included and describes the princess tropes as "chipping away at his integrity" setting him up for the final challenge with White.

There is again tons of concept art: Homeworld architecture, Pebbles, Diamond diagrams, background Jades and Lemon Jade Fusion, Comby, Diamond extraction chambers, and White Diamond.

5. CHANGE YOUR MIND

Now we finally begin to discuss Steven's identity. The "Perfect Steven," discussed in several interviews before this book's release, was an idea back in 2013; the "ultimate Steven," beefed up and shonen-looking, was far from perfect because OUR Steven is perfect, while this alpha hero Steven idea (used in Steven Universe Future) didn't belong being idolized in such a show.

They thought about having Steven fall apart into organic half and Gem half early in the show (during "Giant Woman" after a successful fusion and unfusion, even!), but they didn't try the concept until the last episode. They didn't want the "Pink" Steven to be portrayed as "better" even though he would be more powerful, so they decided he isn't whole without his organic self and he's just as much of a shell as the organic half. They absolutely did not want any ending that required Rose to be inside him or waiting to come back. But the debates were fierce--what DOES it mean to have Rose's Gem?

Ian Jones-Quartey brings in an anecdote about his own family to emphasize some of the immigrant themes that inspired aspects of the show. He had a brother who reinvented himself elsewhere away from family without resolving issues, and all the ramifications of that were explored in the show through Rose Quartz. (He is careful to say he doesn't think his immigrant experience is like being from another planet!) But he did say you can hurt your old family even if they were toxic or didn't know the real you, and you can hurt your new family by hiding your past. The Pizza family of course was also a more direct reference to Ian's Ghanaian family.

In talking about the new Fusions from this episode, Sunstone is largely described by Miki, who also got to board the Sunstone section. Sunstone was described as a cool 1990s character and the evolution just continued into making them a fourth-wall-breaking PSA dispenser. Obsidian is also discussed, with their sword being an early concept. Steven Sugar said they totally knew it would be forged in action. Obsidian being similar to the Temple design is of course another very early detail.

The story of how James Baxter got involved with one of the final scenes (Organic Steven and Pink Steven fusing in front of White Diamond) was shared. His family was fans of the show and Rebecca Sugar took the time to drive to a birthday party for his daughter and give her a drawing. He then owed her a favor, and this was it.

Concept art is again included, this time with sample boards, promo images, a Diamond fight concept, costume design changes for the Gems, new Fusions, the so-called "Mega Diamond" ship conglomerate, some scenes from the White Diamond confrontation, Pink Steven, multiple pages of James Baxter animation, corrupted Gems and their healed selves, and photos from the "Change Your Mind" premiere and some awards. The show has won one design-related Emmy, a Peabody Award, and a GLAAD award.

6. STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE

The book doesn't cover the movie because it got its own book, but dives right into Future. Ian Jones-Quartey emphasizes that the movie and Future are separate and different from the original show, which ENDED. After all, after that, Steven has a neck!

Some new names are invoked now: new writers Kate Tsang, Jack Pendarvis, and Taneka Stotts. They were excited to have Steven make HIS OWN mistakes instead of trying to clean up someone else's! Now, instead of doing the usual shonen anime thing and having the final battle be a big physical rumble, Steven has to make peace with himself and take an active role in coping with what all the fighting has done to him and what effect it's had on who he is (and who he wants to be). There is no sudden "I love myself!" answer, either. It's always a process.

Drew Green and Maya Petersen, who came on board as storyboarders officially in Future, also weighed in on writing for a "mature" show, how to deal with Steven being a "moral compass" while being sort of unreliable, and what they learned as Crew that they didn't know as fans. Drew didn't know Garnet never asks questions. Jack didn't realize the show never deviated from Steven's point of view. Taneka was nervous but excited to collaborate. Kate was worried about how established the show was and what to do as a new writer to contribute appropriately.

Maya was on the old Crew but not as a storyboarder, so felt like some of the "old" ideas ended up not being appropriate for the "new" Future in an embarrassing way--and dreaded the idea of dealing with Steven's emotional problems when they were similar to stuff she'd been through. She also was personally behind the idea of Steven wanting to dump his problems by becoming Stevonnie, and got to work with Etienne Guignard on inventing the Pearl creation backstory with Volleyball.

There's some discussion of "depression hobbies," stress, and the show's pacing. And they say Etienne was entertaining at pitches. There's even some discussion of how Greg is taken off a bit of a pedestal because his terrible restrictive life in the suburbs sounded wholesome to Steven and Greg presented it negatively.

And then there is some information about how the Crew felt behind the scenes due to fan reactions and negative press. Ian discusses feeling offended when the Black characters are described as bad examples, as if their cartoonized but realistic-in-context features are automatically caricatures.

Rebecca Sugar felt beaten down by some of these narratives and began to access mental health services, inspiring some of the content of "Mindful Education." A long reflection from Rebecca discusses people's infighting about her show and what she had a responsibility to show or not show in the story. She learned a lot about bullying from Cartoon Network's anti-bullying program and learned that bullies thrive on whatever attention you give them--unless it is made clear to them by a peer group that no one is impressed by their cruel actions. Also, not all negative feedback is bullying. Constructive criticism is different. Self-awareness can help you avoid internalizing what bullies might do or say to you.

Segueing from the discussion of how people are affected by and connect with the show, we then discuss how they chose as a team what should be covered as the show came to a close. They didn't have time to do quite a few stories they wanted time for, like a Rhodonite story, a Lars side story, and Diamond "prehistory" and religion; all of it was put aside for the main arc with Steven.

They thought people would find those stories about Homeworld and Off Color history very interesting, but so much of the show had been about Steven's Gem adventures, so keeping him mostly on Earth seemed appropriate. The acknowledgment of his battle damage, of his trauma, was necessary and real, and helpful in an important way to the core audience.

Oh, and there was some stuff about a cheeseburger tree. Don't ask.

In discussing the "reverse escapism" of the original show (Gem aliens are intrigued by everyday human culture, and realism is necessary), Rebecca says her views have changed on escapism and gets why some people want a soothing feel-better show. She acknowledged also that her own escapist dreams-come-true fulfilled in the show didn't feel like escapism because they were givens to the majority of mainstream culture, but were never guaranteed to marginalized people.

Rebecca ties in her several-times-told story about "Love Like You" and how the middle bit was when she didn't feel she was worth looking up to, and the realizations she had to tie the beginning to the end. Feeling like someone will like you less if they know you more is terrible. So sometimes a show like this can be helpful in telling people that they belong when their fantasies are things like "I want to be loved" and "I want to know I exist."

In Future, Steven has to connect to who he is and love that person--and understand that person enough to finally feel that even if he's not fixing their problems or saving their world right this second, Steven deserves his family's love and support, and they WANT to give it to him.

There's a huge amount of supplemental material in this section so there's no way I could name it all. The charts for Future's timeline are pretty straightforward, though a few episodes like "A Very Special Episode," "Why So Blue," "In Dreams," and "Bismuth Casual" aren't specifically represented and a couple are in a different order ("Prickly Pair" was conceived as happening after "Fragments" and "Homeworld Bound").

Steven feeling like a monster, having intrusive thoughts, having not forgiven the Diamonds, and getting help/moving on--it's all there.

We have keys, color scripts, and boards for the new opening and some various backgrounds and storyboard art from episodes. Model sheets for Shep, Nice Lapis and Mean Lapis, Jasper, Steven Tag Gems, Pink Steven Powers, Monster Steven. New house concepts, Era 3 Homeworld concept art for the Diamond environments, and background art for the Reef.

New Connie and Greg designs. Concepts for Mega Pearl, the Rose Quartzes, Bluebird, and Morganite (who didn't get used). And there are some photos from recording and the conference room. There are even some extras from "Crossover Nexus," the crossover with OK K.O.!--including an unused cut scene that included Ruby and Sapphire fighting. The rest of the book is a bunch of adorable Crewniverse art--extras, blog drawings, promos, and gifts to each other.

NOTABLE

1.

The first timeline chart in the book features a cool sketch of the original Off Colors, which at the time this planning document was drafted included unused Off Colors Flint and Chert.

We knew of their existence already because of an episode of the podcast, but these two unexpectedly appeared as incidental characters in the Steven Universe Future episode "Homeworld Bound," identified only in the credits. Sad to think that instead of banding with the Off Colors, these two were probably shattered for their crime (being Quartzes who don't want to fight) and that's why we see them being repaired in this episode. Later, there's some brainstorming for types of Off Colors and "a Ruby that wants to wear limb enhancers" is mentioned as well.

2. 

It looks like there was also originally more juice to the story of tracking down the events of the war culminating in Pink Diamond's assassination.

One of the timelines talks about Steven thinking it makes sense that Pearl can't talk about her involvement because she might have been a double agent, explaining why Rose Quartz always knew what Pink Diamond was doing. It seems like that bit was supposed to be included in Garnet's version of the story she believed in "Your Mother and Mine." Seems like they originally conceived Garnet's story to inspire the Off Colors to become pirates and freedom fighters, though in the show's canon this storytelling happened after Lars had already reinvented himself the way he did.

Sadie was also supposed to be sending letters to Lars via Steven, which is funny since the "Letters to Lars" episode is just a montage Steven letter. And of course it's specified that Steven was supposed to get Pink Diamond flashbacks by going to the Palace on Homeworld.

3. 

The second chart in the book makes references to Sadie's reinvention of herself as a parallel to Lars, Greg, and Pink Diamond all doing the same thing, and how positive it is to embrace such a thing--a version of yourself that YOU create.

I love that Yellow Diamond's arm ship arm-wrestling the Cluster was always part of the plan.

There's some more explicit direction to have Connie help Steven understand the Diamonds as "strict parents," and a lot more emphasis on everyone realizing Rose had been inspired by THEM rather than them all following her.

White Diamond is presented here as if she thinks of Pink Diamond as a "daughter" (whom she now understands she has "lost"). There are notes on how the Diamonds have a responsibility to their children and should attend to it before just continuing to make more.

4.

One of the concept art images for the Off Colors features Rhodonite crouching by Padparadscha saying "Don't worry, I won't let them hurt you." It's very interesting because she DOES seem to protect Padparadscha in the show, but doesn't seem confident about it in her final version, even though it does seem like she'd be "programmed" to guard aristocratic Gems because of her Ruby and Pearl makeup. Cool.

5.

A "Crew Cameos" spread was included, which is of great interest to some of us who loved seeing the Crew insert themselves into the show. Not every SU Crew person who's been represented in a crowd was there, but this crowd included Amish Kumar, Kat Morris, Amanda Winterstein, Angie Wang, Lamar Abrams, Emily Walus, Mary Nash, Joe Johnston, Christy Cohen, Danny Cragg, Hilary Florido, Danny Hynes, Matt Burnett, Ben Levin, Elle Michalka.

6.

The official national flower of South Korea, Hibiscus syriacus, is the name of Pink Diamond's flower.

7.

One of Steven Sugar's comments about the silhouette difference between humans and Gems points out that humans have ears. This seems to be pretty good confirmation that they are not supposed to have ears, despite that sometimes we'll see ears drawn on them in some frames.

8.

Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond is characterized in this book as "self-hating" in a really interesting way, saying that because she believed she was not capable of compassion, she practically worshiped those who demonstrated that ability and thought they were so much better than her--which is described as "intoxicating" and resulted in others being drawn to her. How interesting is that!

9.

Timelines reveal that early plans for Pink Diamond's first Pearl originally had her getting destroyed by Pink during  a game, and then her destruction was rewritten as a punishment from the Diamonds after Pink Pearl defended Pink Diamond to the other Diamonds. They went back to the idea of her getting hurt by Pink for the final version, though the cracked face and control by White Diamond was not on the agenda until they started writing "Change Your Mind."

10.

The approximate ages of the major characters, based on emergence, are revealed on these timelines. It begins with a cracked-planet-looking graphic depicting four tiny Diamonds emerging at 20,000 years ago. Some suspicious "blacked out" redacting surrounds a long timeline tail that goes back before that, which may mean there are secrets they still don't want to reveal. But the dates go like this:

20,000 years ago: The Diamonds emerge.

11,000 years ago: Pearl is custom-made for Pink Diamond.

8,000 years ago: Sapphire emerges (on Homeworld).

6,000 years ago: Ruby emerges (on a colony).

5,750 years ago: Garnet is formed.

5,600 years ago: Lapis is poofed and put in the mirror.

5,200 years ago: Jasper emerges (on Earth).

5,050 years ago: The Cluster is planted.

5,000 years ago: Amethyst emerges (on Earth).

4,500 years ago: The Crystal Gems found Amethyst.

3,000 years ago: Peridot emerges (on Homeworld).

40 years ago: Pearl found Lapis's mirror at the Galaxy Warp.

And of course we know 14 years ago Steven is born!

11.

Originally the Diamonds were based on a quartet of themes: Love, Fear, Pride, and Sorrow. It got too complicated to keep and it was abandoned, with Pink's identification of "love" being described as "particularly outdated."

12.

Notes on a sketch say that Pearl was inspired to become bold and unashamed because Pink's questions drove her to have opinions, and it's said that Rose "fell in love" with her boldness.

13.

Rebecca tells the story of driving off a ridge and getting stuck in the desert, comparing this to Ruby's tumble during her Wild West adventure and using it as inspiration. She's told this story before but here it is in print. She also included the story about using the flowers from a friend's wedding to put in Ruby's hair.

14.

Rebecca describes having to "fight" notes she was given when it had to do with Ruby and Sapphire's relationship. One she describes as NOT fighting was for a signing card depicting Ruby and Sapphire dancing. It was called "too romantic" and she decided not to worry about it since it wasn't the actual show content.

She was also scolded over her book The Answer because the powers that be expected her to downplay that relationship. She always argued that queer youth deserved these things.

15.

Tom Herpich describes being inspired to name Blue Diamond's comb "Comby" because he was watching the news about Comey getting fired from the FBI. It's also a mineral-related term and I always assumed that reference was intentional, but maybe it's not and this is the only intended significance to Comby's name?

16.

Rainbow Quartz 2.0's design is not discussed, though the other two new Fusions from "Change Your Mind" (Sunstone and Obsidian) were. RQ2 has some sketches included, but no accompanying narrative in the text.

17.

A sheet of corrupted Gems and their healed selves is offered, though it doesn't appear to be final. The obelisk in "Serious Steven" is labeled Albite. The unnamed Worm Monster, Desert Glass, and Watermelon Tourmaline are included. An unnamed birdlike Gem represents the Big Bird monster from "Giant Woman." The crab monster from "Arcade Mania" is labeled Blue Chalcedony. The Tongue Monster is drawn uncorrupted but not named. The Flower Monster from "Back to the Kindergarten" is labeled Grossular Diopside or Titanite. The invisible monster from "Island Adventure" is labeled Moonstone. The Lighthouse Gem is labeled White Topaz. A form for Larimar that was used in "Change Your Mind" but changed in Future is there. The Slinker is listed as Chrysocolla. And the Crab Monster is listed as Aventurine.

On the next page, this is changed to Bixbite (as it was in Steven Universe Future), and we then also have Lace Amethyst, Blue Lace Agate, Crazy Lace Agate (Fusion), Ocean Jasper, the Mother Centipeetle Nephrite (Facet 413 Cabochon 12) and three other Nephrites, Angel Aura Quartz, a hooded Jasper, Zebra Jasper, Biggs Jasper, Watermelon Tourmaline (labeled as Fusion of Gem * Onion--huh?), Snowflake Obsidian, "Little" Larimar, and Orange Spodumene (who was the Worm).

18.

The Rhodonite side story would have been about the love story of a Ruby and a Pearl working for Morganite. Images of Morganite and her servants, unfused, are in the book. We do not get this additional information, but Rebecca said in a panel shortly before the book's release that Rhodonite's story would have been about finding out that she had been Rejuvenated 17 times because her components kept falling in love and needing to be reset.

19.

Referring to the Diamonds on one of the charts, Steven's perspective is "I can't believe I helped these" and then there's a censor bar. Welp.

20.

Some included art by Hilary Florido features Kevin with a souped-up Koala Princess car and another where Kevin is staring at himself in the mirror in front of an altar to himself.

21.

Rebecca's sweater collection is included in the Crew art.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

[casually-slips-into-coma]

An Essay (sort of) Explaining the Many Grievances I Have With Debbie Gallagher

Once again, Debbie is the fucking worst.

I’ve been wanting to write out my feelings towards her character for a fucking minute now just so that I have a full concise list. Now, I can talk about how Debbie has a constant need for attention, or how her character has become someone unrecognizable in the past few seasons, or how she’s a terrible mother, but what I really want to focus on is the center of my issues with her: her sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about to be a homophobic rant or anything. I just think her queer development has been written terribly and that should be addressed.

Too often I see people praising queer characters or relationships based solely on the fact that they are queer, and as a member of the community, I get it. I am also starved for representation. This, however, does not mean I’m going to settle for annoying, poorly written characters.

Why Make Debbie Queer?

The first thing I want to address is why suddenly develop a WLW storyline for her. Given that Debbie started as a little girl on the show, this gives the writers a lot of opportunity to give a character like that interesting storylines because she does not yet have a solid personality. It gives writers the liberty to take her story anywhere they want to without the constraints of established character because she, as a person, is still developing into adulthood. The show runners unfortunately dropped the ball with this.

From season 4 and onwards was when Debbie began showing interest in dating, sex, and romance having just turned the corner to puberty. From then up until season 9, she has shown exclusive interest in men. It isn’t until Alex the welder that Debbie deviates from this path. Alex is portrayed as a stud who confuses Debbie. I am inclined to believe that Debbie was originally attracted to her because she was masculine and therefore close enough to the people Debbie had previous experience with.

This arc was treated very much as Debbie experimenting with her sexuality, something that Alex also ends up realizing after Debbie tells her that having sex with a girl is “not that bad” and “like having sex with yourself” (S9E4). Once this storyline wrapped up (with Debbie shouting “you make me want cock again”) the writers powered through, adamant about Debbie now being a lesbian.

I have two theories as to why they’ve been fighting so hard for her queerness.

1) This was around the time that Cam was leaving Shameless. This obviously didn’t end up happening, but I was under the impression that the writers were freaking out at losing their token gay character and needed to fill that position. When Cam ended up staying, they were stuck with a queer Debbie storyline and decided to just go with it.

2) Shameless was planning on doing a WLW storyline regardless of Cam’s choice to leave and were originally going to give it to Fiona and her lesbian tenant that she had a close relationship and a lot of chemistry with, but Emmy Rossum wanted to move on from Shameless, and so they pivoted and gave the arc to Debbie, a character that was not supposed to be moved in that direction and so her new sexuality seemingly came out of nowhere. Fiona as a bisexual character would have made sense. Debbie still does not.

Shameless’s Awkward Relationship With Bisexuality

One of the biggest issues I have with Debbie is her insistence on being a lesbian. Lesbianism doesn’t come out of nowhere. Bisexuality, however, can. When you grow up being told that you are supposed to feel attraction to men, and you genuinely do feel attraction to men (which Debbie has expressed in past seasons/episodes) it’s easy to ignore your attraction to women and write it off as something that either isn’t a big deal, or something that isn’t there. It’s a lot more confusing than being strictly at one end of the spectrum. It would have been so much more believable if they had simply made Debbie bisexual. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t because the show has a history with bi erasure.

Bisexuality has been treated badly all throughout Shameless, used as a vengeful plot device back in the earlier seasons where Monica was only ever with women when unmedicated. Then in Season 7 when Ian’s boyfriend Caleb cheated on him with a woman (enforcing the stereotype of bisexuals being unfaithful) Ian, possibly acting out of anger or ignorance, said things like “only women are bisexual. When a man says he’s bisexual he’s really just gay”. The only semi positive bisexual representation on the show was Svetlana and Vee when they were in a poly relationship with Kev (though I also think that storyline wasn’t handled as well as it could’ve been).

This fight against the bisexual label in media is not a new one but it is also a harmful stance to take when writing a sexually fluid character. Debbie declaring that she is, in fact, a lesbian after waxing poetic about how Matty had a big dick and Derek had a great body and knew what he was doing is not the way to go. 

You could argue that Debbie, like many other queer women, is an unfortunate victim of compulsory heterosexuality, but frankly I don’t think the writers are well versed enough in queer theory for that to be a possibility.

Debbie as The White Feminist

Debbie is the pinnacle of white feminism. It’s an unfortunate thought that has occurred to me a few times throughout the show. She talks a big game as a man hater and someone after the equal treatment of women but she herself participates in a lot of problematic and anti feminist behavior.

For one, she r*ped Matty back in season 5 when he was blacked out and unconscious. This was a point in the story that was glossed over and one where she suffered no repercussions other than Matty no longer wanting to be around her. It was explained in the show that Debbie didn’t realize what she did was wrong until after she was explicitly told so because she was maybe 14 when it happened (not 100% on the age Shameless is very inconsistent about timelines). It was treated as somewhat of a punchline, something that Shameless has unfortunately done more than once when referring to male sexual assault (Mickey’s r*pe, Liam in season 10 ((i think??)) and in this latest season, Carl) but that is a different topic. 

There was also the time in which she lied to her boyfriend about being on birth control so she could trap him into a relationship with pregnancy (which also counts as r*pe!!) Good on Derek for getting out of that.

Debbie has also been pro-life in the past. Now I understand this was when Fiona was pressuring her into aborting her pregnancy, and as a pro choicer myself, I believe that Debbie was fully in her right to have bodily autonomy and go through with the pregnancy. This isn’t where the issue lies. It’s when Fiona finds out that she too is pregnant and tells Debbie that she wants an abortion that Debbie accuses her of “killing her baby”. Again, her behavior could be explained by her age given that Debbie was still a young teen during this time.

When her actions as a White Feminist become less excusable is mostly in the latest season. Her relationship with Sandy is one that I’m not really happy with because Debbie doesn’t deserve her.

Recently, it has been revealed that Sandy is actually married to a man and has a son. It’s explained that she was basically married off against her will at the age of 15 to a man twice her age. This implies that the product of the marriage, her son, was most likely conceived through dubious consent (or worse) at the hands of an adult when she was just a kid. Just because Debbie thinks that Sandy’s husband “seems nice” does not give her the right to try and make a victim of grooming feel bad about not wanting to be with her abuser. While I understand that Sandy’s son has no fault in how he came into the world, I’m still gonna side with Sandy when it comes to having to take care of a child she didn’t want and who is most likely a source of trauma for her. It’s not difficult to sympathize with Sandy and see that she’s clearly gone through something fucked up and Debbie, despite claiming to love and support her, AND despite her dumb white feminist arc about wanting equal pay and all that jazz, turns her back on the girls supporting girls aspect of feminism.

This isn’t even mentioning how shitty it was to just leave Franny by herself and assume that one of her siblings would take her to school and pick her up and stuff as if they don’t all have separate lives. She talks a lot about being a good mother but decided to “let off some steam” by fucking off to a gay bar to get loaded on coke and fuck a gay man (which wtf thats not a thing that really happens with casual coke but whatever I guess). Once she realized she fucked up, instead of taking responsibility she decided to paint herself as the victim as well as spew offensive bullshit about how she “probably has AIDS now” because of her sexual encounter with a gay man. No lesbian in their right fucking mind would ever say that because as members of the LGBTQ+ community, you are at least a tiny bit informed as to how devastating and tragic the AIDS crisis was for queer people.

(I also have an issue with how Debbie capitalized on her felony as a sex offender and her sexuality to start her Hot Lesbian Convict business but I think that’s enough said.)

Blame the writers

The show got almost an entirely new cast of writers after season 7 which is why the show feels more like a sitcom with low stakes and no consequences rather than a drama, but if there is a queer writer on the team it’s not very evident. Even the better half of the queer relationship story, Ian and Mickey, I don’t feel has really been done justice since the change in writers. It’s just become painfully obvious that the actress is a straight girl playing a gay character (not to mention I have never seen any chemistry between her and all of her female love interests). I don’t fault Emma Kenney (the actress) for this. I actually really like her as a person and I like the videos she makes about the cast and such, and I think she does her best with the script she’s given. My complaints with Debbie are targeted entirely towards the writers.

This brings me to my final point. I need them to let Debbie be alone. Her whole thing for the second half of the season has been that she clearly has abandonment issues and is afraid of being alone. It’s why she’s so adamant about keeping the house and fighting with Lip about it (I’m actually on Debbie’s side for that one but that’s besides the point). They had her and Sandy break up which leaves Debbie to spiral further into her loneliness. From a writing point of view, it makes sense to take this opportunity to give her an arc in which she can overcome that and feel comfortable with herself so that she can move on as an adult instead of jumping into a new relationship. This is especially true since this is quite literally the last season ever of the show and any character development needs to be wrapped up. Introducing a new character out of nowhere does not give the viewers enough time to actually get invested in the new relationship. It’s also unfair to Debbie’s character because her arc is going to feel incomplete.

Anyway,,,,,,uuuhhhhh,,,,,feel free to add on if u want lmao