#and sasori always calls him brat???

[queercodedvillains]

I firmly believe kishimoto made deidara say "I'm not into S&M" because he KNEW everyone clocked his bratty bottom vibe off the bat and he needed to make a canon occurrence to point at to disprove it but the thing is he doesn't know Deidara like I do!! he has noooo idea he accidentally created a queer icon. But I do. And no posthumous editorialization will ever overshadow that.

[ladykissingfish]

*Deidara walks into Sasori’s room wearing a new knee-length skirt, lace-up boots and one of Sasori’s flannel shirts as a top*

Deidara: 'Sori! I’m ready for our date, hm.

Sasori: *looks at his watch* Already? Good job, you’re getting better at being on time. Er, before we leave, though, I have a question for you.

Deidara: Yeah?

Sasori: I think … you look very pretty tonight. Your taste in clothes is exceptional. But … you know because you’re wearing what’s traditionally considered “feminine” clothing …

Deidara: Ah, are you embarrassed to go out with me like this? I’m sorry, I —

Sasori: No, no! I’m not embarrassed. Like I said, I think you’re very beautiful. But I was just wondering, because I’ve never asked you this … when we’re around other people, and they ask who you are to me, do you want me to introduce you as my boyfriend, or girlfriend? Or simply my partner? What pronouns do you wish me to use?

Deidara, smiling: Your boyfriend, hm. He/him/they.

Sasori: Boyfriend. Got it. *holds out his hand* Lets go, shall we?

Deidara: *takes his hand* By the way, what would you want me to call you, hm?

Sasori: “Husband” would be lovely to hear some day, but for now, boyfriend will do.

Deidara: *blushes* Sasori …

*the two share a kiss before leaving*

Hidan, having heard from the hallway:

*later*

Hidan: Oi, ‘Kuzu. 

Kakuzu: Mm?

Hidan: Say me and you was out somewhere, eating or something, and someone came up to you and pointed at me and asked what I am to you. What would ya tell ‘em?

Kakuzu: Well, brat, you’re so many things to me that it’s hard to pin down just one term.

Hidan: Aw, that’s sweet, old bastard! You —

Kakuzu, ticking items off on his fingers: My headache, my significant bother, the reason I take anti-anxiety medication, my ball and chain, the reason my wallet is always empty, my punishment for my sins, my —

Hidan:

[franceblr]

some nsfw, half-baked sasodei hc, heavily inspired by all the smutty ff i was able to get my hands on over at ao3, and the previous post 🌶️

disclaimer: i’m assuming sasori has a jutsu that enables him to switch back to his human body when they get hot and heavy, and he switches back quite often; i also use the term teenager, because to me an 18-19 y/o is still a teen.

sasori loves riling deidara up until he’s incoherent; loves fucking into him to the point where deidara’s drooling, moaning, panting, screaming broken sentences and nonsense pleas and begging, and then cruelly relishes in asking deidara questions his brain is too far gone to comprehend and answer; adores it when he holds him down, stops him from moving on his own and forces deidara to look at him; meanly taunts deidara into trying to put a sentence together when his brain is mush and the only thing he can think about is his body’s scorching need for sasori’s touch, and sasori knowingly halts his movements, degrading and humiliating deidara with mock sympathy and insulting jabs, forcing him to beg for his pleasure until deidara wails in frustrated desperation. relishes in the way he can turn his otherwise proud and  insolent lover into an incoherent mess that’s got only sasori’s cock on his mind, is absolutely delighted by the fact that he can take all of deidara’s witty words and sharp comebacks right out of his mouth.

deidara’s got an oral fixation; sasori loves putting his mouths to work when he gets too bratty or impertinent. loves brutally thrusting in deidara’s throat, face-fucking him deeply, making him take his cock all the way to the base and keeping him there, chocking on his dick and struggling to mantain eye contact, all gurgling noises and tears; only lets him up for air when deidara stops struggling, and sasori bends over and spits out to deidara that this is what insolent brats like him need to get back in line. loves letting deidara nurse on the tip of his dick for hours when he’s restless and needs grounding, kitten licks and soft suckling sounds, drooling slightly as his plush lips part to accomodate sasori’s girth, and his cock rests on deidara’s palate; loves looking at the way deidara’s eye glaze over, loves how calm and placated he becomes, like all he needed was sasori’s cock in his mouth. then sasori gets nice, cards his hand gently through deidara’s soft locks, praises him quietly and tells him he’s so good, calls him his baby dei, occasionally lazily thrusting up and into his mouth. 

sasori is vigorous and athletic, but his libido is of no match against that of a teenager’s (and a taurus teen at that). that’s why sasori always makes deidara sweat for his attention in the bedroom. sasori never gives in easily, never gives deidara what he wants until the last possible minute, when deidara is right about to tip over. considered how sexy and seductive deidara can be, that’s quite the feat, but sasori’s resolve is of iron. partially because sasori values his own time greatly, and wants deidara to appreciate every minute he spends appeasing his lame human needs; partially because he derives great pleasure in seeing how deidara will jump through hoops and do the splits for his danna’s attention, for his touch; gets a sick sense of enjoyment in watching how much humiliation and patronization and belittlement deidara will endure to get what he wants. loves riling him up and wearing him down until he’s exhausted and satisfied, dried tear tracks staining his cheeks and body gone boneless in sasori’s arms. not that deidara minds having to work for it; though occasionally sasori will indulge in his pillow princess fantasies, most of the time deidara has to go the extra mile to put on a show worth of sasori’s attention and appreciation: but deidara is a huge show off and he’s got no shame, so he’s always eager to impress and seduce, always ready to follow orders and be good for sasori. luckily for deidara, his lover always makes the sex worth the effort. some days he tortures deidara with edging, keeps deidara between his thighs with a hand around his throat and forces his legs open, deidara’s back to sasori’s chest while he works him up right to the brink of countless orgasms he never gets to experience, until dei pants in his shoulder and pleads; other days he punishes deidara with overstimulation, wringing orgasm after orgasm out of deidara, until he’s wailing and twisting in agony to escape from underneath sasori’s merciless touch. sometimes, if he’s feeling generous, he’ll cede some control over to deidara, telling him he can do whatever he pleases; deidara will then either climb in his lap and give sasori a masterclass in riding, one knee bent and his hands resting on sasori’s chest or thighs for balance, grinding down his hips in fluid motions that reach oh so deep, making deidara shamelessly throw his head back in pleasure, sasori following every motion enraptured. Sometimes he surprises sasori and takes charge for real, bending him over and eating him out the way he knows will make sasori gasp and his cheeks flush, and then he’ll fuck into him gently, one handmouth wrapped around his dick as he bites into sasori’s shoulder.

both deidara and sasori enjoy somnophilia. once sasori awoke to deidara grinding against his thigh in his sleep, and touching and fucking deidara while he sleeps has since been a staple in their sex lives. the mornings when deidara wakes up with sasori moving inside of him are his favourites; to know that he’s that irresistible to sasori is very flattering, but the awareness that sasori doesn’t need deidara conscious to take what he wants from him drives him straight up crazy with need. sometimes deidara fights back just for the sake of sasori getting harsher with his thrusts, violently pinning him down, whispering threats in the dark that make deidara’s heart race and his cock wet. other mornings deidara will be woken up by sasori sucking his dick, because if there’s something sasori finds hot, it’s deidara mewling while he thrusts lightly in his mouth, half asleep and arching and so endearingly unguarded, face hidden in the crook of his elbow. 

sasori doesn’t always give into deidara’s need; when he’s feeling particularly cruel, he’ll ignore deidara’s flushed cheeks and his feverish want until he goes mad with arousal, allowing deidara to climb into his lap and grind against him chasing some form of relief, but not budging at all despite deidara heatedly mouthing at his neck, his jaw, at his lips, pleading and bargaining with sasori even if he refuses to touch him. sasori will wait patiently until deidara inevitably cracks, cause the damn brat is so spoiled that not getting his way always results in tears and tantrums: if he’s pleased with deidara, he’ll get him off, or let him hump sasori’s leg until he cums, while sasori sneaks a thumb between his lips. If his sadism gets the best of sasori, he’ll firmly tell deidara no, ignoring him even when he’s on his knees, nosing and mouthing at sasori’s erection through his pants; sasori will push him off gently, and will listen to deidara’s whining with sick pleasure, cause he knows dei knows he’s not allowed to touch himself and cum. If he denies deidara like that, next time he’ll make sure to be extra nice and giving to make up to deidara.

despite regularly denying deidara, sasori finds deidara so attractive. to him, it doesn’t matter if deidara’s trashing underneath him so wildly sasori has to hold him still, making feral animal sounds as he tries to fight sasori off using half of his strenght, like he doesn’t want it, like sasori doesn’t know that being brutally taken with a knife against his throat isn’t all he dreams of, that being subdued and broken isn’t his what he secretly wants and craves and needs; it doesn’t matter if deidara’s coquettishly looking at him from underneath his lashes, wearing a blush silk robe with his hair down and fanned behind him, body angled and oozing sex, playing up his innocence and naivety so sasori cannot help himself but want to jump him and ruin him for good. and when he spreads his legs invitingly, and lets sasori make love to him like he was a girl, moans high pitched and back arched and looking every bit like a sex kitten whose only purpose is to corrupt and tantalize, sasori really loses it. othertimes sasori gets hard at the mere sight of a deidara who’s just woken up, wearing a shirt that’s too big on him and rubbing his eyes; other times it’s a barefoot deidara who just came back from outside, dirty soles and messy hair and flushed cheeks, scratching idly at his newest slew of mosquito bites. it’s like deidara’s cracked the code: he knows that whichever side of him the displays to sasori, whether it’s his animalistic and violent side that begs to be tamed and hurt, whether it’s unsubtly playing into his flirtatious minx fantasies and allowing deidara’s youthful feminine charm to extract exactly what he wants from sasori, or a softly boyish dei who’s unaware of the way his nonchalance and naivety makes sasori throb in his pants, deidara has sasori wrapped around his little finger.

[sanrio-gyal]

Sasodei modern au hcs

College au ^^

Deidara is constantly overdressed while Sasori is wearing a hoodie and worn out jeans

They both leave passive aggressive notes instead of talking about their problems

Sasori is a major germaphobe when Deidara is sick. He will put on a gas mask, wet suit, and gloves to keep Deidara company.

Deidara is the one to never remember their anniversaries while Sasori is always two months ahead on planning.

Sasori is majoring in art and medicine

Deidara is majoring in chemistry and art

Sasori isn’t in any clubs because he takes too many classes. Deidara on the other hand is in a “protect the animals. Go vegan” club. Members include: sai, gaara, naruto (he doesn’t understand what veganism is 💀) Ino, zetsu,

Sasori tried to be a vegan for a week but quickly got annoyed.

Sasori avoids fraternities as much as possible

Deidara parties far too much. Sasori is a hermit crab who only interacts with his boyfriend for the most part

They both have a cat together. They call it their child 😩💗💗 Sasori at first wasn’t very fond of the cat but soon grew to like him

Deidara speaks to the cat and sasori is just awfully confused on why his boyfriend is meowing in the other room.

Deidara is very high maintenance and kind of a spoiled brat but sasori doesn’t really mind, he gives him what he wants to stop the whining.

They both send each other the cutest gifs and emoticons while texting even in arguments except it’ll be an angry cat

Sasori really doesn’t like when Deidara wears provocative clothes but also doesn’t want to be seen as controlling and has to deal with the fact that Dei is comfortable with his his body.

Sasori takes about ten minutes to get ready. Twenty minutes with a shower. He doesn’t want to waste time

They constantly argue if they’re not arguing that usually means there’s something wrong. A fight between them looks like (in order) -Arguing

Haughty silence

Avoiding each other

Deidara going to his old dorm (with Hidan)

Ranting towards their friends

Thinking

Realizing they both did wrong

Awkwardly apologizing (they both hate to admit they’re wrong)

Yay they made up 🤣

Btw these last like a week

Sasori buys random things that remind him of Deidara, then gives it to him. They’re like the weirdest too. He’d be in an antique shop and would buy a broken porcelain cup.

Deidara keeps every gift that Sasori gives him. He has whole shelf of teddy bears, dolls, cups 😭 and whatever else Sasori buys him

Sasori is usually big spoon cons is that Deidara elbows him a lot in his sleep

Deidara is very hard on himself and is a perfectionist often leading to panic attacks.

Sasori is very particular about how is food is put on his plate. If it’s touching he won’t eat. Deidara always makes sure that sasori’s food is perfect before serving it to him (cuz ya know he’s in love)

Deidara has a fourty minute long skin care routine

Sasori: babe hurry up and come to bed

Deidara: I’m coming. Just let me wash my face

Sasori expecting Deidara to take five minutes

Deidara washing his face, plucking eyebrows, extracting black heads, exfoliating, putting on a moisturizing face mask, using a jade roller, hydrating lip mask, eye mask for eye bags, lotion, rose water spritz, eyelash serum…boom finish

Deidara: alright I’m ready

Sasori: *snoring*

Deidara: ….

They actually did break up once and both were extremely heartbroken. Sasori poured himself more into his studies and excluded himself. Deidara cried a lot then quickly got over it to distract himself. He tried to date but no one could compare to Sasori.

Deidara doesn’t take being told what to do unless Sasori says so…the he becomes obedient

Sasori likes his room frigid while Deidara likes his warm.

Sasori is a light sleeper while Deidara is a very deep sleeper and takes a while for him to wake up.

Deidara is very much a person who needs love and affection 24/7 Sasori on the other hand hates affection. Deidara is all over Sasori. Kisses, hugs, etc while Sasori dies on the inside. In the beginning of the relationship Sasori was sweating bullets because he didn’t want to be mean to his boyfriend but was also uncomfortable. Later he became used to it lol but he did have to tell Deidara to stop being so touchy all the time.

Sasori has a lot health issues and Deidara has to remind him for medication and doctor appointments and is very protective of him

Deidara eats a crazy amount of food and usually eats whatever sasori can’t finish

They both think they’re the cutest things to ever exist

Sasori has an obsession with Deidara’s hair, so when he chopped it off…he was heartbroken

Deidara is constantly making sex jokes while Sasori so clueless

They both love gardening and nature except sasori is very sensitive in the sun so he’s in a full suit covering his skin 🤣

Animal crossing is their favorite game. They constantly go go each others islands. Ya know cute stuff

There was a moment of time when Deidara was afraid to let sasori see him without makeup but eventually got comfortable to do so. (Sasori didn’t even notice 😭) sasori thinks he’s cute with and without

Sasori is a diligent worker vs Deidara who panics because he does everything last minute

Sasori isn’t known for being affectionate but occasionally he’ll cuddle up beside Deidara or hug him

Deidara trusts sasori’s judgement the most.

They’re young and very much in love 🥺🤭

[mrsbakashi]

Ask game : Akatsuki

god, it's been SO LONG, i'm sorry! but also thank you for asking about them 🫦 this was so much fun!

⚠️ nsfw thoughts under the cut

❧ deidara

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

i headcanon that deidara is a fucking brat and just needs a good dom to put him in his place so he'll behave like a good little boy, and I'd gladly do it, thanksssss. he tries to pretend he's the dom, tho. we'd only be fuckbuds because our relationship would be entirely sexual and wouldn't work otherwise. he needs constant validation - you know, artists (me included).

❧ hidan

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

fucking annoying lol. i met hidan in a club, thought he was hot and he turned me on with all the crazy kinkiest dark stuff i try to hide, degraded me and made me feel like shit while fucking the life out of me, but that's about it. he either never contacts me again, which is fine by me because i wouldn't want to see him again, or he becomes obsessed (specially because his rgo's hurt that i want nothing with him) so he stalks me, and because sex was so great i give it try, but he's just so annoying not even the angry sex makes up for it. also he can't be sweet for a second, and i need sweet.

❧ itachi

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

sweetest man EVER. the answer is always yes yes yes yes. i headcanon itachi is a switch, because he's crazy for control, but sometimes he just needs to feel taken care of and loved, and he becomes fragile so you need to step up and give him everything he needs.

❧ kakuzu

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

this one's @saintrocklee @mytanuki-kun and @chanfictions fault - i was normal about kakuzu until their stories. now i'm all "daddy kakuzu, daddy kakuzu, daddy kakuzu", and honestly i would do ANYTHING this man asked me to do. any-fucking-thing. just want him to call me a good girl, make me feel small and weak, and let me sit on his lap while he counts his money. grumpy strong men soft for their fragile women - BIG YES!

❧ kisame

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

YES!!! i don't understand people who say kisa is repulsive or ugly, like... have you seen him???? the man is fiiiiiiine. my fantasy is to sit on his lap while he hugs me and makes me feel like the tiniest weakest creature ever - and because he's so big that's not hard at all. and he's also so sweet! i can't. big yes to him, let me love you big man 💕

❧ konan

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

mommy?! sorry. mommy?! sorry. mommy?!

listen, i would let konan do whatever she wanted to me. whatever. i'd actually pay her to hit me in the face. queen of everything.

❧ pein

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

i don't know much about pein, but all i can think about is that he's a corpse so... i can't. i just can't. even i have limits.

❧ sasori

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

this man just need some love, you know? like 99,9% of the characters lol. and i can give him love, i can fix him - he doesn't want it tho. we have a weird relationship where he reaches out, we have some sweet moments, then crazy sex and he leaves again for what feels like forever until he's back again.

❧ tobi

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

i could simply copy and paste @saintrocklee's answer here, where she said she would kick him until his final form is revealed and then she'd be on her knees begging for forgiveness lol. i feel the same. but i'mma put a hug because at least he makes me laugh sometimes.

❧ zetsu

repulsive | no | just a hug | kissable | maybe | down to cuddle | yes | absolutely | Take Me Now

i’d top them | i’d bottom for them

i’d dom them | i’d sub for them

one night stand | fuckbuds | partner | marry me

zetsu is cute and i headcanon that sex with him is probably great because white zetsu is sweet and soft, and then black zetsu gets mad because he thinks white zetsu is doing it all wrong and takes over, but he is rough, hard and fast. it'd be only one night stand tho because i cannot handle both of them more than one time - black zetsu is too mean and white zetsu never says anything.

[mayullla]

Title: Babysitter Akatsuki Headcanons part 1

Character(s): Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, Itachi, Pein/Nagato (Naruto)

Summary: The Akatsuki are all teens and hang around with each other as a group and thought why not try to pick a few jobs here and there for a bit of money. One of the odd jobs is taking care of a child whose parents are always busy with work. You are a very lonely child and they noticed that and made it their goal to have an amazing childhood.

Warnings/tags: Fem!reader, young reader, purely platonic

Part 2: Hidan, Kakuzu, Konan, Tobi and Zetzu

Sasori

- A tsundere. A freaking tsundere, he loves you and adores you but acts as if he is indifferent towards you. (even though everyone knows that he would react the most if you ever get lost.)

- Would call you a brat and warn you not to touch his puppets that he may have brought with him but never goes through with those punishments.

- If you have trouble with homework he would be right beside you, putting you down for how you didn't know these simple things but will in the end teach you and later after the study he would pat your head making an offhand comment that you did well and that he was making food.

- If you are a very quiet child or the type who liked to listen a lot he would vent to you about all his frustrations, but he would also teach you many things about the world and warn you, telling you never to follow strangers and such. If a stranger tries to lure you somewhere, call him. Promise?

- If he ever gives you a present you bet he will be giving you a doll that looks like you. (Just cuter than some of his other creepy puppets.)

Deidara

- One of the most cuddly babysitters here, you will never feel touched deprived when you are with this man. Placing you on his lap as he rubbed your head with his cheeks or maybe braid your hair decorating it with pastel clips and more. (He would even do your makeup if you ask)

- Will let you play with his precious clay, and would always coo that you are going well. Tho he also thrives when you look at his art with aww.

- He wants you to have the time of your life, and that means taking you to many festivals around the town always and I mean always bring fireworks with him.

- Would get into a hair-pulling catfight for you. They said that you looked ugly with that outfit you were wearing or you have no manners, you lady come here. Sasori Danna hold my earrings!

-Many selfies with this man, cute ones, funny ones and more. He would have an album by the end of the month.

Kisame Hoshigaki

- Bodybuilder Kisame let’s go! He will be tossing you up to the sky if you ask him to. The man would always place you on his shoulders taking you everywhere, something that always makes you smile and laugh.

- Will show off his swimming skills in the pool and would be your swimming teacher.

- Is the one to make promises before he leaves if he saw you sad that he was leaving. Be it going to the park with that man or he will have sweets the next time he comes.

- He is someone you would show off to your friends. The teen is buff and not to mention he got tattoos and looks so cool! (Children who are scared of him at first slowly become jealous of you, as the man is so much fun to play with!)

- Will be a frantic mess when you are hurt like if you tripped running towards the teen and he wasn't able to catch you and you scratch your knees. He would try to act cool… just causing one accident after another. If he was the cause of you being hurt, he would become hesitant to touch you and would stay in a corner, moping.

Itachi Uchiha

- Itachi will be treating you like he treats his younger brother Sasuke when he was young (Who is at the moment in the middle of a little emo phase and trying to one-up his brother. It was a sad day for Itachi when he found out that his brother doesn't look up to him like before.) brotherly affection.

- Many pokes on the forehead and head pats from this man, he doesn't really hug you but will carry you to go and get some ice cream or dango!

- After your study, he will take you out to go to the park where he would push you on the swings or maybe you guys visit the aquarium or zoo.

- The teen doesn't really need the babysitting job money as he does get a big allowance from his family but he wants to be with you. The babysitting money is spent on you.

- Instead of watching movies or video games, he wants to interact with you more so rather than that it would be board games or you rambling about your day or stories about your school and friends as he quietly listens to you drinking his tea.

Pein (Nagato)

- Will place you on his lap, stroking your hair as he talks about his plans on taking over the world even tho he knows that you would not understand half of what he says but if you ask he would patiently explain.

- People are intimidated by him and if you were not or you were but got used to him and started to like him. You might see flowers blooming in the background of this man and he always smiles when you are around.

- Will teach you many things, especially how to protect yourself from strangers or bad people. He thought of giving you a taser that looks like a bunny keychain but decided not to after Konan *reasoned* (threatened) him not to.

- Pein will be a proud man if you followed his lessons in dealing with your bullies.

- Expects that you like him more than other members (top 1!) and would actually be the most disappointed if you liked someone else that isn't him. (But then again other members would also be distraught if you picked somebody else and not them.)

[jesseevelann]

An Unlikely Opportunity

Deidara spun boredly in his office chair, tapping at the desk while waiting for someone to walk through the door. He loved the job, minimal work and he got to yell at people, but he hated the waiting. Today especially was horrible, he had nothing to do.

His phone had died many hours ago, and his manager would scream at him if he doodled in his notepad again. Deidara didn't mind a bit of attitude, but god Sasori was annoying. Yap, yap, yap. All day long.

The day was almost over, but it took forever to pass. Deidara was losing patience.

"Hey, brat. The boss wants to see you."

"What? Why?"

Sasori walked behind him, shoving the chair. Deidara turned and glared at Sasori, who retaliated by poking out his tongue.

"Don't know, don't care. Now move. I have to take over for you, because you're just that important."

Deidara stood from the chair, yelping when Sasori shoved him out of the way. He huffed, and limped to the doorway, into the hall of elevators.

The hallway was oddly empty for the busy company, but it was perfect for Deidara. Especially since his ankle was twisted. No one would see him fall, but in the same breath no one could help him up.

He was grateful for the perfect condition the building was in, the elevators always worked, and had yet to fail on anyone. The boss was wealthy, and could retire at the age of thirty-two, but for some reason he didn't. Deidara would jump at the idea of not needing to work.

While the elevator took him up, Deidara started to think. Why did the boss want to see him anyway? He hadn't done anything out of line, and he certainly wasn't worth of a promotion. He started a month ago, and was just a secretary.

He definitely wasn't going to ask him out, Deidara was fresh out of highschool. Dirty clothes and worn out shoes, not even his glasses were in good condition. His uniform was a rental, and the fanciest thing he had ever worn.

Maybe he was going to kill him. There were rumours that the big man in charge was convicted of murder, and that he looked almost exactly like the city's most famous criminal. Deidara couldn't say for himself though, he had never seen his boss. He didn't even know his name.

The elevator sang its little song, and Deidara hobbled out, looking around for directions. The top floor felt larger than the rest of the building, it had less furniture and more open space. It was very rarely used outside of the boss calling meetings, or calling people into his office for mostly unknown reasons. From what Deidara heard, most don't come back out.

That thought alone sent shivers down Deidara's spine. He didn't want to join the few unfortunate enough to come to that fate, whatever it may be.

A gorgeous dark wood door came into view, decorated gracefully with silver. A symbol similar to an Uchiwa fan was centred on the door. This man, whoever he was, had an appreciation for art it seemed. Although it wasn't Deidara's favoured medium.

He went to knock, his body freezing when the door opened by itself. He hesitated before pushing the door open carefully, adjusting his glasses while stepping inside. Acting like his injury wasn't there.

The room itself made his jaw drop. Bookshelves and exotic plants, gorgeous paintings on the left and photo frames of some of the most famous Uchiha men to have lived. A gorgeous rug laid flat under the large desk, it's quality and expense could be seen a mile away.

A large, comfortable lounge was pushed to the wall on the left under the canvases, and the wall behind the desk was a full window, showing off the whole city. If he squinted, Deidara was sure he could see his mother and step-fathers house, or even his apartment complex.

Multiple files and papers were stacked on the desk in pristine organisation, a golden name plate sat in front, "Uchiha Obito" carved so delicately in the metal. Deidara's eyes darted around, trying to take it all in as fast as he could. He had never seen such an expensive room in his life.

The door clicked shut behind him, causing him to jump and turn. There was no one there, but he felt a presence creeping against his neck. Deidara shook his head and turned, almost screaming seeing a tall, broad man in front of him.

He was larger than Deidara by a landslide, his features were defined and sharp, and he was dressed in a finely pressed black suit. Looking closer at his gloves, Deidara saw what he thought was dried blood. The glint of a knife hidden in his sleeve made Deidara's breath hitch.

"Sit."

Deidara fumbled for a chair, not even knowing it was there. He sat, sinking into the cushioned wood the best he could. The deep, raspy voice ringing in his ears. The tone was dark, perfectly matching the man's stature. Deidara looked up fearfully, eyes widening when they locked with a single eye.

The man walked around his desk and sat, elbows on the fine wood and fingers interlocked a mere three inches from his mouth. Deidara stared at the deep, swirl like carvings in the tan, slightly grey skin, bringing attention to the sharp, almost emotionless eye glaring into his soul. The iris was a pure black, deep as the darkest night, with a deep blood red tint glacing over it when the light shifted. The other eye was covered by an eyepatch, most likely due to the same incident.

"You are Deidara, yes? The new secretary Sasori is managing..."

Deidara nodded, too entrapped by fear to speak. He shivered feeling the eye study him closer, he didn't dare look away. Although they were all rumours, Deidara truly believed that this man would kill him instantly if he even blinked.

"My name is Obito... we had not met properly, I realised."

Obito slid a small notepad over to him, flipping through it before holding it out to Deidara, who hesitated before looking. The notepad was filled with Deidara's small scribbles. Deidara paled, Sasori must have reported him for slacking on the job.

"These are yours, correct?"

Deidara nodded, biting his tongue. Obito took the notepad back and looked through it one more time. If Deidara knew no better, he'd have thought he saw a hint of a smile on the stoic man's face.

"You are quite talented. Whatever are you doing in a boring office job, you could do so much with this..."

Deidara relaxed just a little, his confusion taking over his fear. Is this what he was called in for? To talk about his shitty doodles? That didn't make sense at all.

"I... I don't understand, hm... wh-why was I called in here?"

Obito chuckled softly at Deidara, his eye softening as he handed Deidara the notepad.

"I was curious... you have much potential. I simply don't see why you would waste your time here."

Deidara looked down at his feet, his face burning red with embarrassment. He didn't get compliments often, especially about his art.

"I-I don't know... it's easy, a-and pays bills. No one really likes what I do anyway, hm. I can't afford university..."

Obito nodded in understanding, pausing before he spoke again, thinking hard before making his decision.

"How would you like to design posters and advertisements for the company? I'll pay you extra, and I can even get Sasori off your tail for a while."

Deidara's head shot up, almost losing his glasses with the speed. Obito smiled amused, he already knew the answer.

"You will work in the office beside mine, I will supply you with everything you need. I expect frequent updates on your progress. Is that alright with you, Deidara?"

Deidara was at a loss for words, but his smile said it all. Obito was shocked when he jumped up, and tensed up when small arms wrapped around him tightly.

"Yes! Thank you Obito-San, hm!"

Obito let out a weak laugh, patting Deidara's back before pushing him off. Deidara beamed with excitement, even when he lost his balance due to his ankle.

"Glad to have you aboard, Deidara."

Big thanks to @peekintoeternity for inspiring me to actually finish this project, if it weren't for them I'd have scrapped it

[captnjacksparrow]

(1/2) Now it's hard to say, because I'm not super creative when it comes to alternate universes/timelines in Naruto. But I wonder how Sakura would change up had her family been massacred instead of Sasuke's.

It's hard for me to imagine because Sakura in canon doesn't really care about her family like that and Kishimoto didn't really dive into her family life. But I wonder, had she lost them at age 8 (or however old Sasuke was for his family massacre), would she change? Probably? I just can't say how.

But more importantly, let's say she would change. Let's say she'd have a more closed off or introverted demeanor (like Sasuke). Would so many people call her "emo" or "whiny" or "a bitch" like how people do to Sasuke?

My consensus is, no. People wouldn't. They'd probably be more understanding since Sakura is a girl. I'm sorry but I strongly believe that people give Sasuke shit for how his entire family/clan being slaughtered impacted him because he's a guy. Had he been a girl almost no one would mock him for that.

The double standards... sexism... whatever you wanna call it is out of this world.

I've seen many non-SS supporting Sakura stans calls Sasuke as this emo, whiny, brat because he calls out her Bullshit from time to time. So, they get bitter about him and call him with such names.

Even many Female fans blames Kishimoto as Misogynist because Sasuke attempted to kill Sakura twice whereas she was the one who truly tried to kill him first.

Somehow, these people has this Mentality they take from real world and apply that in this Fictional World that "A Women should not be attempted to be killed.... A Women should not be kicked out by a Man in a Battle.." While totally ignoring the context that this is a Shinobi World where fights between A Girl and A Boy is common and it's okay to hurt a Girl using a Jutsu rather than abusing her (like slapping her, torturing her, sexually abusing her).....

I also wonder the same, If people are okay with Sakura to hit Naruto, Sai and Konohamaru like some piece of shits..... What's wrong with Sasuke trying to kill her in his defense????

I find this to be extremely hypocritical... If Sakura tries to kick the ass of Sasori, Shin (Male Character), they yell.... "Yaaayaa!!!!! Way to go!!! My Kween.... Girl Boss".... But if the same happens to Sakura, they all go... "Kishimoto!! You Misogynist.... Sasuke is also a Misogynist.... Because he didn't accept the love of a Woman...."

So yeah.... A Female Character garners all the sympathy despite her being an Asshole, Crass and shitty and gets away with it.... Whereas A Male Character will be easily ignored or slandered despite having a valid reason for their actions... ((Not supporting everything what Sasuke did... But we could understand his Motives.... If it were Sakura, people would have cried Crocodile Tears for about 2 Liters and daintily wiped her tears through Manga Pages and TV screens)....

This is a total Misandry.... Somehow looking at a character as a Human is totally difficult for these people I guess... They always view everything through Gender Lens.

[queercodedvillains]

I feel like deidaras actions after sasoris death only make sense if you see it through the lens of grief. He's mourning his partner, he can't do anything to bring him back, so all he can do is carry out his wishes post humously. Sasori hated orochimaru and wanted revenge but couldn't get it himself before he died, so deidara picks up his grudge in his honor. Their love language is revenge and violence and deidara in particular seems to process his emotions through his art. Temporary, ephemeral, transient, everything he argued for with sasori. Now I bet he understands a bit of sasoris desire for permanence. He always assumed he'd die first, that he'd never have someone he loved taken from him. Sasoris art stems from his issues with abandonment, especially in death. Deidara, when faced with the emotional consequences of impermanence, seems to wrap it around himself as a comfort. I think it's clear he doesn't intend to live long after sasori dies, because of his deeply self destructive pursuit of explosive catharsis.

Because the thing is, sasuke kills orochimaru and deidaras grudge doesn't die because his goal is achieved by someone else, it just transfers to sasuke because he's deidaras new target for grief processing murder. He has no other way to get these feelings out because he's a deeply traumatized 19 year old grieving someone he clearly respected deeply (and imo loved, no one can convince me they werent in love sorry not sorry but thats his man canonically), deidara doesn't exactly have the greatest emotional intelligence here. He pursues sasuke to a suicidal extent because that's about all he has left in terms of purpose. He wants to be temporary, and he has so little holding him to this world after sasori dies. He's beholden to the akatsuki out of fear, not belief in their cause. The only upside of his time with them is his relationship with sasori. He found comfort and companionship with him. For all their differences and bickering, they were both obsessed with art and death. Without sasori there to temper his impulsivity, or provide him stimulating company, what does he have to live for? Constant irritation with tobi?? Deidara likes being a brat, he misses sasoris casual dominance over him. He doesn't want tobi running after him calling him senpai and irritating him because HES the one who should be calling sasori Danna and irritating him just to spark a bit of spice.

So without sasori, deidara has nothing to live for but his art. And what better way to go than an explosion that everyone within a 10 mile radius sees? He went out the way he wanted to, when he wanted to. He wanted the glory of taking out sasuke and the relief of oblivion now that he had nothing to live for, not even revenge.

[sweetyaoigirl]

Deidara x Reader

( So my friend told me that I should write deidara x reader so I gave it a try and here it is. )

Word counts: 1849

Warnings: None

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

Deidara.....it's been a long time since we've been partners in Akatsuki.

Everything about him is just so perfect.

His beautiful blonde hair. His ocean blue eye and his art.......

His art is as amazing as he is. There is also this guy called Tobi who admires Deidara like me.

He is so close with Deidara it's almost making me jealous. He is calling him Deidara senpai. I wanted to call Deidara like that but I noticed that it's annoying him everytime Tobi says that.

Well he is artist so what do you expect ? He needs some space to concentrate on his art.

Speaking of artists we also have another one named Sasori.

Deidara really respects Sasori he is even calling him Sasori danna. But sometimes they are arguing who has the best art and it never ends well.

Most of the time the entire base will end up in mess.

Leader is not happy about that but I'm always protecting Deidara. I will clean the base no matter what. Everytime Deidara thanks me my heart is beating so fast. It's worth it.

If only I could have the courage to talk to him. Yes me and Deidara are talking sometimes but it's not how I want it. I want to talk about us. About how amazing Deidara is.

Tobi's POV

Y/N-chan has been spacing out a long time. I think I should snap her out of it. I don't want Deidara senpai to be mad at her because Tobi thinks Y/N-chan likes Deidara senpai.

Y/N-chan !!! Wakie wakie ! Tobi waved his hads in front of my face.

Back to you

Huh ? What ? Tobi ? I asked.

There you go again ! Y/N-chan you have been spacing out. Tobi said.

Was I ? Not again. What if Deidara noticed ? I panicked.

Deidara senpai already noticed. Tobi whispered.

Ehhhh ?!!! I'm sorry !!! I just realised we were on a meeting and everyone's eyes were all on me.

Now I feel embarrassed.

That chick is spacing out again ?! I wonder what was she thinking about ? Hidan licked his lips.

Shut up Hidan ! Kakuzu said.

What did you said ?! Hidan asked.

Quiet ! Pein said.

The meeting is over. Pein said and leaved with Konan.

Hey Y/N. Deidara said as he approached me.

Y-yes ?! I asked.

Are you sick ? You haven't been paying attention lately. Deidara said.

No I'm okay. Thank you for your concern. I'm really fine. I scratched the back of my head.

I see. Let me know if something's wrong un. Deidara said.

Wait you brat ! Sasori yelled.

What is it danna ? Deidara asked.

I saw what you did. What is the meaning of that explosive creatures that were right in front of me ?! Sasori asked.

I don't know what are you talking about Sasori danna. Deidara said.

Don't play dumb ! I saw you ! Sasori said.

I just wanted to show you that my art is better than yours Sasori danna. Deidara said.

I will show you what is better. Sasori was in fighting position ready to fight.

Now now now you two. Let's all be friends together. Tobi said cheerfully.

Tobi stay out of this un ! Deidara said.

Get lost ! Sasori said.

You two should listen to Tobi for once. I know he is fool but he is right. I said.

Y/N-chan you hurt my feelings. Tobi is a good boy. Tobi sobbed.

Well Deidara your art sucks. Sasori said and leaved.

What did you just said Sasori danna ?! Deidara rolled his sleeves and was ready to punch Sasori until Tobi picked Deidara like nothing and carried him away.

Let me go you bastard !!!! Deidara yelled.

Now now senpai. Calm down. Tobi said.

Put me down !!!!! Deidara said angry.

Tobi put Deidara down. I said.

Okaaay. Tobi said happily and put Deidara down.

For a big idiot you sure are strong. Deidara said as he dust off his clothes.

No it's because Deidara senpai is really light. Tobi said.

I swear I'm going to kill you. Deidara said.

I chuckled which caused them to turn their attention to me.

What's so funny Y/N-chan ? Tobi tilted his head.

Yeah what's funny un. Deidara said.

You two are always getting along so well. I said.

Who would with such an idiot ?! Deidara asked.

Hehehe. Look a butterfly ! Tobi followed the butterfly.

Me and Deidara were alone now.

Tch that idiot. I'm going too un. Deidara said.

W-wait ! I said.

What is it un ? I have work to do. Deidara said.

Ummm. Nothing. You can go. I said sadly.

Deidara did as I told him and I stood there all alone in silence.

I failed again. But now it's my fault. I had a chance now but I ruined it. We were alone.

There is nothing I can do about it. I guess I will go to my room and slam my head into the pillows. I sighed.

Just as I wanted to go to my room I step on something sharp.

Ow ! I said as I looked at my foot.

What is that ? Don't tell me it's some of Tobi's toys. But wait this is sharp. I said.

Hey watch where you are going brat. Sasori said.

It seems like it was one part of Sasori's puppet.

You should watch where you are putting those dangerous objects. I said.

I didn't put them here. They just fell from my hands brat. Sasori picked it up.

Where are you going ? I'm bleeding. I said.

Don't care. Sasori said.

Ugh. Come here. I followed Sasori and came to his room.

Who said you can follow me ? Sasori asked not very caring.

Umm you are the reason I'm bleeding. At least say sorry.

If you are here can you hand me that bottle of poison ? Sasori asked.

At least listen to me. I picked the bottle and put it on his table.

Thanks. Sasori said.

Again some puppet with poison ? I asked.

Yeah. Do you have something against it ? Sasori asked.

Not really. I'm not your enemy so I'm fine. I said.

Why aren't you with Deidara ? Sasori asked while working on his puppet.

Eh ? Why should I be with Deidara ? My body was sweating from nervousness.

Why ? You two are always together. Sasori said.

What makes you say that ? I asked.

The way you are looking at Deidara. When you are talking with him it's like you are in another world. And you are standing by his side all the time. Sasori said.

Is this really Sasori ? I can't recognize him. I said in my head.

Don't look at me like that. I know what you are thinking about. It's true that I'm emotionless but I know what it was like to have emotions. Sasori said.

Wow. This is really Sasori. I said in my head.

To get rid of these emotions I became puppet. It's better this way. Emotions are ridiculous. Sasori said.

I see. Do you want me to help you with anything ? I asked.

Sasori looked at me not moving his eyes from me.

He isn't even blinking it's creeping me out.

You......wooden parts. They are in my closet. Sasori said and returned to his work.

Okay. I opened his closet and my eyes widened.

How much creepy can Sasori be ? Well anyway here they are. I don't want to keep Sasori waiting. Here. I came back to him.

Thanks. He was looking at me again.

I can see why Deidara likes you. Sasori said.

Eh ? Wha ? What are you talking about ? I blushed.

You are very helpful. You could be part of my collection. Sasori said.

I backed away from Sasori and couldn't decide what should I be thinking about.

What Sasori said that Deidara likes me or that I will become a puppet ?

Suddenly the door opened and revealed Deidara.

Danna ?!! What are you doing un ?! Flirting with Y/N ? I thought you don't have emotions un. Deidara protectively wrapped his arms around my waist and I was blushing again.

Why not ? I was just going to make her a part of my collection. Sasori said.

You will not touch Y/N un. Deidara said.

Or what ? Sasori asked.

In your place I would be scared. You don't know how brutal I can be sometimes un. Deidara said.

Why do you care so much ? Y/N can always be replaced by someone else. Sasori said.

No one can replace Y/N ! I love her un !!! Deidara said.

My eyes widened and I looked up at Deidara.

Did he really said that ? Was Sasori saying true back then ? Now is not the time thinking about that. Sasori wants to kill me. I will help Deidara in this fight.

Magnificent. I didn't know that you Deidara could have such a strong feelings towards that girl. Sasori smirked.

What are you talking about un ? Deidara asked.

You finally said it aloud. I should be proud of you but I'm not. Sasori said.

Wait wait, you were planning it from the beggining Sasori danna ? Deidara asked.

What ? Sasori is that true ? I asked.

You both are so blind. Of course I was planning this from the beggining. Deidara you were annoying with Y/N this and Y/N that so I helped you a little. Sasori said.

But hey wait ! You scared me to death ! You said that you would make a part of your collection. I said.

That was a lie. Do you think I would do that ? Sasori asked.

Well you are hard to read so yeah. I said.

Thank godness. Deidara sighed from relief.

Jashin !!!!!! Hidan yelled.

Shut up un !!!! Deidara yelled.

You really did get us Sasori danna. But why did you said that in front of Y/N ?! Deidara asked.

Isn't it obvious ? So you two can be together. I don't care about that stuff but you can't be a brat forever Deidara. Sasori said.

That's very nice of Sasori. I didn't know that he could be this kind. I smiled.

Well Y/N you can just pretend that you didn't heard anything. Deidara scratched the back of his neck.

But I love you too Deidara. I finally said it.

You really do un ? Deidara asked.

Yes. All this time I had my eyes on you but I was afraid to confess. But to think that you loved me too it makes me so happy. I hugged Deidara.

Sorry un. I was only focused on my art all this time that I didn't noticed the most beautiful girl. Deidara said.

That'a what I love about you. You and your art. I looked up at him.

Your existence is art of itself. Deidara leaned to kiss me and I did the same.

Hey you brats ! Not in my room ! Get out it's discusting. Sasori said.

Let's go Y/N. Deidara said.

Yes let's go somewhere else. Let's leave Sasori alone. I said and closed the door.

Meanwhile Sasori stopped at his table and smirked.

[ladykissingfish]

The Great Akatsuki Bake-Off

*this was a request in my inbox, I’m so sorry Anonymous I accidentally deleted it before I could reply, but I saw your message and here’s the response! ❤️*

Premise: The Akatsuki is broke af (again), and Pein comes up with the idea of having a bake sale to earn money. Every member of the Akatsuki makes a dessert to sell; chaos (or hilarity) ensues.

**Also I picture them setting up tables outside of one of the Akatsuki hideout caves which of course is equipped with a fully functioning kitchen because why not Jim**

Pein

It was his idea, he’s the leader, so naturally he ain’t cooking. The most the Pein-body will do is sit in the kitchen with Konan while she cooks, offering his opinion or praise.

Kisame

Kisame isn’t the biggest fan of sweets, so is at a bit of a loss for what to make. In the end, he decides to go with something that’s decidedly more savory than sweet; bacon-flavored scones with a maple syrup glazing. This requires some kneading and precise shaping, the latter of which requires small, delicate fingers that Kisame borrows Konan for. Should be noted that he wears a pink Kiss The Cook apron, and he blushes like crazy when Konan reads it and delivers one to his cheek. He gets a bit over-exuberant with the icing, getting more of it on the table than the actual scones. However, the end result is light, fluffy, and absolutely delicious. Deidara especially loves the bacon aspect, and is able to snitch a great number of these until Kakuzu catches him and forces him to pay up.

Deidara

Deidara would make a classic lava cake. He’d know absolutely nothing about this dessert beforehand; he’d be going through a cookbook, his eyes would fixate on the word “lava”, and he’d be sold. Sasori insists that he put on rubber gloves beforehand, because “Nobody wants your hand-drool in their food, brat.” Lava cake requires a very delicate touch and precise timing, something that Deidara has had to become familiar with when deploying his arsenal of bombs. Yet despite being careful he would have to start and re-start this mix many times; maybe he gets eggshells in the batter here, or mistakes oil for milk there. The inside of a lava cake has to smooth and liquid-y but the outside has to be soft yet firm; a single minute in the oven can make the difference between wonderful and awful for these little cakes. When he finally perfects one, he’s ecstatic; but the rest of the group is horrified, at how destroyed the kitchen is. Chocolate batter and powdered sugar covering every wall; yet, somehow, the guy himself remains spotless. Also, Deidara has made another critical error; he assumed that because the recipe was for a cake, it was for a LARGE cake that he could cut into sections and sell piece by piece. However, lava cakes are always small, individual desserts ... and Deidara has only made ONE. Still, he’ll take his one beauty and sell it almost immediately, leaving him time to wander around and filch “free samples” from everyone else’s dishes.

Zetsu

Nobody wants Zetsu trying to cook, because everyone is terrified of what he’d put into his creations. However, White Zetsu insists that (t)he(y) wants to participate, so the others hesitantly let him do so (with everyone periodically coming in to monitor him). His contribution? Pie. Zetsu knows that the key to delicious pie is in the light flakiness of the crust, and he creates several pies that literally melt in the mouth. And he doesn’t just do one flavor; he does apple, blueberry, cherry, and something he calls “surprise berry” ((which is really just a mix of raspberry, blackberry, and strawberry). Before Tobi goes to help Itachi, he’s in charge of helping Zetsu gather up the fruit, and he helps to peel and core and pit and wash until “my hands are really sleepy Zetsu-san!” Zetsu thinks his pies are perfect creations as a whole but Kakuzu insists he cuts them into individual slices to maximize profits, which White Zetsu balks over but Black Zetsu tells him to be quiet about.

Konan

Konan is a delicate, beautiful flower, so naturally anything she makes would reflect this. After much deliberation, she decides to make her version of a layered lemon mascarpone cake. The cake itself is a wonderfully moist vanilla sponge infused with lemon curd, layered with a thick lemon, honey and mascarpone cream, topped with fresh berries, and a light sprinkle of chopped pecans. At first she was only going to make one cake and portion it out into about 20 small pieces; but the demand for it was so high that Kakuzu told her he’d stay and sell the rest while she got back into the kitchen and made another. She’s by far the neatest chef in the kitchen, as she cleans up her mess as she goes so when she’s through, all she has to wash is the empty cake pan itself. She makes sure to save a large piece to secretly take to Nagato later; it’s been a long time since he’s had anything sweet to eat.

Kakuzu

Kakuzu doesn’t want to cook; he’d rather be the one running the sale. However he recognizes that the more desserts they have the more profit they can make, so he grudgingly makes a few trays of brownies. His secret ingredient? Sour cream. At first everyone sees him putting this into his mix and think he’s gone crazy; however, after they try one ((and don’t think for a second he’s not charging his fellow teammates for even a tiny sliver)) they’re blown away by how good they are. After he sets his items on the table, he’s the one who collects the money from the customers. Has to be talked down from the exorbitant prices that he tries to charge people at first. “How much for a piece of blueberry pie?” “500,000 ¥.”

Sasori

He really isn’t into baking (because why would he be? he doesn’t eat) but he knows how to read and follow a recipe. After some careful thought, he chooses to make cupcakes. At first he resolves only to make a dozen, and to keep it all one simple flavor: the chocolate with vanilla frosting that’s in the recipe. Yet as he stands there, a feeling takes hold of him; he remembers happier times, perched on a stool in the kitchen and watching/helping his grandmother as she cooked. That nostalgia drives him to get more creative, and make MUCH more than intended. Some of his creations are great; such as his ginger-chocolate cupcakes with fudge icing. But others, like his broccoli and carrot cake topped with “spicy” cream cheese, not so much. Regardless, the majority of his creations sell, which Sasori’s pleased about. Should be noted that Kakuzu did not entirely trust Sasori not to put some kind of poison into his dessert, so he forced Hidan to sneak and taste-test everything (as he’s the only one who would regenerate from certain death). But Hidan wouldn’t know arsenic from cinnamon; and he winds up with a hell of a stomach-ache after his forced culinary servitude.

Itachi and Tobi

Seeing as how he loves dango so much, Itachi decides to make several dozen sticks of the tri-colored sweet rice dumplings. He keeps the pink dumpling the common strawberry flavor, and the white plain, but he does something special with the green ball, flavoring it with vanilla extract and green tea. Because Tobi is a nightmare in the kitchen (and because he needs supervision when it comes to sweets), Itachi allows him to help, mainly in the form of sticking the dumplings neatly on the stick once they’re shaped. He’s a good helper, except for when Itachi takes his eyes off of him, as he likes to add icing, sprinkles, and a variety of decadent extras that don’t belong on this simple dessert. And it’s a good thing that Itachi makes so many, seeing as they BOTH sneak and eat quite a few when the other is distracted. Tobi is very helpful when it comes to pushing their wares, as his carefree, childlike demeanor attracts customers to their table.

Hidan

Hidan wants something that’s visually representative of him, so what does he make? Red velvet cake bars. The outside is covered with a white-silver frosting, but when you cut into it, the deep red of the cake greatly resembles blood. Hidan isn’t the best at baking (or cooking in general) so he asks Konan to help him when she’s not occupied with her own dish. He’s surprisingly calm and conscientious in the kitchen, keeping his swearing to a minimum and being extra-careful with measuring out ingredients and waiting on the oven to do its thing. He borrows Kisame’s Kiss The Cook apron, only he crosses out the second O and replaces it with a C. His bars come out slightly uneven but really good nonetheless. However, being Hidan, he can’t resist throwing in a prank; he saves some of the cake batter and holds it in his mouth, then, after taking a bite of someone else’s fare, claims that it’s poisoned and spits “blood” out of his mouth, which freaks out their early customers until Kakuzu catches him and exiles him back inside.

[deaththesyd]

Akatsuki Shenanigans?

Just imagined that modern,civilian,reader! Would absolutely love showing the more prideful members clips of olympic level acrobatics, or those crazy trick shots that use the entire house to get a ping-pong ball in a cup, and then ask them if they could do it. This is absolute crack, and I love it.

Roping in Hidan and Deidara is the easiest because all they are made of is pride and spite. They are also prime age of pulling stupid stunts lol. Both would be alright at some of the more "basic moves" like handstands and jumps, but their flexibility isn't actually that impressive.

Not having joined in at the start, Kisame stands by and watches what he calls "sad attempts", then gets goaded into proving that he's better. He of course protests, but when he pulls of a long string of backflips no problem, the three are standing amazed. Under all the muscle, his maneuverability is very high.

Out of them Deidara is the closest to nailing the trick shot, but he's always just the slightest but off. Hidan jokes that its because he cares about his looks so much that he's lost his depth perception, even as he fails to hit the target.

Walking by and trying to not get himself involved, Itachi can't escape when an enraged Deidara swears that "not even the Uchiha could pull it off, hmm". The taunt doesn't make him join, its Kisame who asks him to just for fun, "what could it hurt there, 'Tachi?"

With a sigh, he takes a fresh ball from readers waiting hand and without a moments hesitation, it hits, and they all watch in varying degrees of awe, disgust, and jealousy, as it hits each and every target until it plops into the cup unceremoniously. Its silent, until Kisame's grabbing him and pulling him into a cheerful noogie, and the others are all shouting about how he most definitely cheated. Did he really not use his sharringan???

Several rooms over, Kakuzu and Sasori are losing all patience and are bubbling over with rage. "Where the do I have to go to get away from those brats," mutters the puppet, but he stays in place. Kakuzu however, leaves to investigate. Coming upon the group, he gruffs "whatever's causing you to be so loud better end right now."

Hidan doesn't even think, he simply tells Kakuzu that if he can beat Itachi in a trickshot he'll pay. With money on the table, Kakuzu's in. Tensions are high as the contestants take their stance. Bets are being made, no one knows who will win. They may have just seen Itachi sink that ball in no problem, but Kakuzu with money at stake is nothing to scoff at.

Itachi takes the shot, and once again it lands. They all hold their breath. Hidan for once in his life has shut his mouth. His bets aren't looking too smart anymore. Kakuzu lines up his shot, he throws it, it hits! Jumping from pot, to pan, to wall, to books, to the race car set up, to the pile of tacks they had placed as an obstacle, its going to land! Until Sasori's tail sweeps across the course as he enter grumpily to see what all the commotion is about.

Chaos ensues. Not only is there an angry Sasori, but not Kakuzu is about to tear off limbs. Hidan ia 1 part relieved and 1 part doomed, as he is the closest to Kakuzu at the moment. Deidara is yelling at Sasori for ruining their fun, while Kisame, and Itachi slink away silently, pulling reader safely away from the danger zone.

At least it was fun while it lasted!

[feralcherry]

Naruto takes that might enrage you (girl addition)

Warning, some of these takes might enrage you- that’s fine.

Fillers don’t count as canon, don’t even bring them up if you talk about this post lol. Also it’s been a while since I’ve seen the whole series, so some of these might be disproven as I continue with my rewatch. The excuse that Shounen is for boys is also very weak and holds no weight, as tons of girls (and nonbinary folk) relate to the characters in this show, so that doesn’t excuse Kishimoto for his weak writing of women.

To preface, I love this show. Love it to pieces. It was part of my childhood and holds a very special place in my heart. But there are some things I personally don’t like or wish could have been done better. I love every character and will go blue in the face talking about how much I still love this show. That doesn’t free it from my criticism. I’m also only listing what I don’t like and what I would change, though I’d be more than happy making a post about what I loved.

Let’s start off with my girl Sakura Haruno. She is easily the most hated girl in the series, and all because of how ‘weak’ or ‘annoying’ she is. As if that’s not the fault of Kishimoto himself lol. She was shoved off to the side continuously and never given cool storylines, unlike the other members of her team.

What I took issue with about Sakura:

-What were this girls dreams?? The whole reason she became a ninja was never really talked about nor were they really developed as time went on. She was all about Sasuke, which would be fine if she grew out of it. But no. 

-Her crush on Sasuke was super stale. He was handsome and powerful, but what else was there to him? He was a jerk to her most of the time (there are some instances he’s somewhat kind to her, but if we go off canon, it’s not enough to make her deep love make sense). I think it would have been so much more interesting to see her grow out of her infatuation for him. If they had to have ended up together, watching them relearn each other and fall in love would have made them more compelling. She stayed loving a boy who thought very little of her. 

-She’s pitted against her best friend and doesn’t develop much of a relationship with other girls her age. It’s kind of sad, and I think they should have fought over something other than a boy. 

-We are told repeatedly that she’s super powerful by other characters, but she’s never given time to truly shine. She got like a single battle with Sasori and she deserved more cool moments like that!

-She was a healer, which makes perfect sense. But why is it mostly girls who are the healers? It’s a bit weird, when there’s also Neji with his perfect chakra control. She only has her healing abilities and her super strength; but even then someone like Kabuto has more offensive healing based techniques than her. Like his chakra scalpel. 

What I would fix:

-New dreams. Show her find a dream outside of her team and grow into it. Also give her more of a backstory. Sai has more of a backstory than she does and he’s way newer than she is.

-I would let her fuck up one of the Peins instead of Konohomaru- she’s a main character and passed over for that little brat?? She should have gotten to do more than scream out for Naruto and heal people :/ 

-She her intellect a bit more. She’s so smart, and yet we don’t really see it.

-She’s perfect for genjutsu, Kakashi himself said so. So why not give that to her? Or play more with ninjutsu. She has earth and water on her chart, so why not give her those abilities? Maybe even wood jutsu to even her out with her super OP teammates. Idk how, it could have happened, this is a show full of demons and god like abilities, it could have happened someway.

-She should have grown out of Sasuke and not married a man who doesn’t really appreciate her and isn’t there for her at all.

-I would totally have expanded on Inner Sakura more. Imagine if it made her mind impenetrable? Could have woven that in with her skills for genjutsu and made her unaffected by other’s illusions.

Next, let’s go with a more beloved character of the fandom. Hinata. Now personally I don’t care much for her- she could have been so cool but just like Sakura, they kind of messed her up.

What I didn’t like about Hinata:

-Her entire existence is revolves around Naruto. Naruto this, Naruto that- and yet she simply sat back and watched as his life was shit and did nothing despite her ‘love’ for him. And then fillers/movies are added to show that oh wait! she’s been there this entire time!! no lol. Build her up from the start as his love interest at the very least.

-She stayed super meek the entire time. Shy girls are okay, but I wanted to see her grow into herself more and not need as much reassurance. She’s a ninja and should stand on her own two feet more.

-She’s less skilled then Neji and I would have loved to see her outmatch him at some point, even once. Or gain abilities outside of her clan, or do something that made a name for herself outside of being the heiress of the Hyuga.

-She never fixed her clan which was one of her few spoken goals. That was a huge bummer.

-I think it would have been cool to see her mess up Pein a little more. She only stepped in because it was Naruto, which reinforces that she’s only about him. But at least let her land a hit if she’s as powerful as people say she is. 

-She makes the most sense to be a housewife or a healer with the way her attitude is but in Boruto, she’s kind of rewritten to be a ‘scary’ mother which just doesn’t fit her. Plus, she tells Boruto to go and take care of his dad?? Bro, that’s your child and your husband is the hokage. 

What I’d fix:

-Prove her dad wrong and show him that her compassion isn’t a weakness but a strength. 

-Fix the Hyuga clan bs.

-More character growth and showing more of her life away from Naruto. Her romance with him could also have been better. I hated her always watching him but never standing up for him, it kills me.

-Neij dying for her proved their clans hierarchy bs to be right and it just doesn’t make sense for him to die for her. It showed that he was right to feel caged and that he simply existed for the benefit of the Main family.

Now with the others, there’s much less I have to say about them because they aren’t main characters or the love interests.

Ino-

-Jealous of Sakura, no dreams of her own, stupidly loves Sasuke and for what? WHAT’S SO COOL ABOUT HIM?

-I like her growth for the most part, it was cool watching her fight in the War Arc with her team. 

-Why is she the medical ninja? I never got that.

-She got with Sai but they didn’t really show their development and how they fell in love with each other. It’s like she only likes him because he looks like Sasuke and called her pretty once.

Tenten-

-Should have gotten to train with Tsunade at some point, since she was the one who originally idolized her. 

-We know nothing about this girl at all. She doesn’t even have a last name.

-Her weapon usage was meant to be so cool and yet she missed so often- there’s a disconnect there. Her abilities could have been built up more. Imagine if no matter what she never ever missed. That would have been cool.

-Her weapon shop isn’t doing well. Just because it’s an era of peace doesn’t mean the need for weapons is totally over, not if there are still active ninja??

Karin-

-I actually like her, she’s kind of funny and I like that she’s mean even if she can get annoying.

-Again, another healer, though she’s also sensory which is more interesting. I’d like to see her with some jutsus though. That would have been neat.

-Her love for Sasuke makes sense since he saved her and smiled at her, making her think of him as her hero. And she’s the only one he apologizes to without Naruto strong arming him into it.

Temari-

-She’s pretty solid in my opinion. Though I would have loved to see her more without her brothers.

Konan-

-Her goals in life were to support Yahiko and Nagito’s dreams. It would irritate me so much if other girls in the series were more well rounded and din’t also have some sort of dream involving a boy.

-She was underused. I would have loved to see her fight more.

Tsunade-

-Only becomes hokage to support others dreams...All of them men. And then later passes the title onto Kakashi who doesn’t even want to be Hokage either. 

-No other justus used, she’s on par with Jiraya and Orochimaru and yet she’s only super strong and the best medic. She should theoretically be more well rounded than that, right? She also should be shown fighting more even if she’s a medic, she’s also s legendary sannin 

-Had to be saved by 12 year old Naruto. I know it’s a show about him, but she’s meant to be a literal badass but needs a kid to save her.

Kushina-

-Wanted to become the first woman hokage and then didn’t. Her husband did. and then she became a housewife?? What?? She should have become the first woman hokage with a badass husband or had another prominent role in the village like as a council member or something.

Kurenai-

-Always lost a fight? She’s some genjutsu using badass but always lost fights.

-No real personality, she’s just chilling there. Sexy as hell though. Has a kid and that’s about it.

-What I will give her is that I’m so glad she was allowed to age. So many anime mothers always look the same as their teenage self and she looks like she can be anybody's mama.

Over all, the girls could have been handled much better. I wouldn’t find issues with any of them being housewives or all about boys if that weren’t what seems to be the standard in the anime. I just wanted more of a variety and better character development, especially for Sakura and Hinata who are the mains 😩

Now to what might REALLY piss people off- ships! I’m not trying to start some war here, this is just my opinion and you can take it or leave it.

Sakura- Naruto, since they had the most development and showed more than two seconds of caring for each other. Even Sai in Shippuden has more of a connection to Sakura than Sasuke did.

Ino-Shikamaru, if she had to end up with a guy it makes sense it’d be him since they spend more time together than her and Sai did. (inosaku for the win tho)

Hinata-Shino or Kiba, again, because they spent more time with her. Naruto and her felt very rushed and I don’t quite understand the appeal.

The one that made the most sense and became canon was Shikatem, though their son’s design was lazy :D 

If I do a second part, it’ll be about the boys and the ships with them that made sense to me. For now, this is all I have. If you’ve made it this far, thank you lol

byeee

[precisemuseum]

Puyo Puyo PC-98 Manual Translation

Once upon a time, in the age when the power of magic was bestowed upon the world, a powerful sorcerer created a great spell named "Owanimo." One of the strongest spells of all, it could banish monsters to a space between dimensions, but he sealed it away, recording it only in his "Book of Magic." 

Not because it was forbidden knowledge or incredibly hard to use, but because to him, it seemed useless. And thus, the spell entered a dormant state, awaiting a day when a new sorcerer would come forth...

Years came and went until finally, the seal came undone with the appearance of a great sorceress: Arle Nadja. One day, this auburn-haired girl with golden eyes came across the Book of Magic.

"Owanimo...?" Arle studied the chapter on forbidden spells for what seemed like hours. "When four monsters of the same color are in your sights, chant this spell loudly. The Goddess of Time shall listen, and whisk the monsters away to a space between dimensions." 

Arle continued to read, learning the Owanimo spell, but then closed it with a heavy sigh once she finished.

Why set it aside like that? Well, Arle had never seen "four monsters of the same color" as the spellbook described. 

"I spent so much time reading, and it's not even a spell I can use for anything..." 

But just as fate brought the Book of Magic into Arle's hands by chance, so it brought from the world of darkness the very monsters she had read about.

And thus, a great battle awaits. With her great magic abilities, and the newfound power of "Owanimo," Arle Nadja sets out to protect the world.

CHARACTERS A・C・P

Arle Nadja The protagonist of the game and the (aspiring) sorceress who released the spell "Owanimo". Nobody knows how she ended up this way, but despite looking like she wouldn't hurt a fly, she's actually a merciless girl that slaughters innocent Puyo. She currently attends a magic school, but she's already too scary for anything to stand in her way. That's my opinion, anyway.

Carbuncle During the game, when you find your eyes moving towards the center of the screen... Awww~! He's sleeping!!! This is Carbuncle. When he's lying still, he almost looks like a loaf of bread, but as he sings and dances he shows off a wide range of movement and facial expressions. A truly profound deuteragonist.

Puyo Puyo Despite their fate as short-lived, jelly-like monsters who are stacked and popped, they have managed to secure a leading role this time around, and even get to dance on the title screen. They're sure to enjoy this special opportunity to perform on a grand stage in five different colors. Looking at them with an empty stomach will reveal their appetizing nature and make you hungry. Hehe.

Arle, the protagonist, is brimming with curiosity.

PRACTICE STAGE ENEMY MONSTERS

Skeleton T While he appears as the epitome of a tea-loving Japanese man, he is a fine monster as well. He will be the first opponent you face during your trials. But you'll find that in a rather endearing way, he's a miserable fool who doesn't even know how to rotate his Puyo. Boohoo. Sipping bitter green tea during battle will instantly make you one of his tea-drinking buddies.

Nasu Grave An eggplant. Specifically, a Kamo eggplant. On top of that, he makes for a rather strange presence. Just what the heck is this thing? Despite appearances, his defensive power is high, so novices might find themselves struggling a bit. You'll have no choice but to keep at it and apply a steady technique. But in the end, your opponent is still just an eggplant. A regular talking eggplant. …Heh.

Mummy Even though it's called Mummy, it isn't a mommy. It's a mummy. What? You already knew that? Oh, deary me, I'll wrap it up then. (←One-man comedy routine.) Mummy is an opponent that makes you want to bully it because the crying face it makes when it's about to lose is just too cute. Sorry, Mummy.

The Goddess of Time whisking the monsters away.

BATTLE STAGES 1-6

Draco Centauros As you might expect from someone who shouts "Rawr", this half-dragon being takes pride in those sharp horns. Appearing as the first obstacle of your quest, this opponent has top tier judgment and piece precision but takes forever to think things through. Because of that, she's a pitiful lass who is only ranked as a third-rate monster girl... You heard me right! Draco is a girl. I'm sure someone around you thought she was a boy...

Suketoudara A pollock who has an aura of coming from some far-off sea. However, he seems to have the character of an Edokko​. He's an athletic-type who tends to err on the side of caution. However, he's also arrogant. When he wins, he makes a face that screams "You're no match for me!", which is truly aggravating. Many say they especially don't want to lose to him.

(TL Note: Literally meaning “Child of Edo”, Edokko is refers to a person born and raised in Edo (renamed Tokyo in 1868). It implies personality traits such as being assertive, straightforward, cheerful, perhaps a bit mercantile.)

Sukiyapodes Let's just get this out of the way; he has a giant foot. It measures about 16 mon. Even though he has a complex about it, he directs that frustration into bettering himself. Well, we're not sure if that last part's true, but he always has a cheerful expression on his face as he slowly and steadily builds precise chains. He's a bit of an unpleasant guy.

(TL Note: mon is a unit of length for measuring the size of one's foot. 1 mon is equivalent to 2.4 cm. His foot is 38.4 cm, or 15.12 in.)

Harpy Now then, it is time for Miss Harpy's song. She loves singing more than she loves having three meals a day. She could sing for ages if no one stopped her. If there was something like a "Puyo Puyo World Karaoke Tournament", she'd win for sure. But unfortunately, this is only Puyo Puyo. 

Sasori Man “How d'ya do, partner? I’m a famous Naniwa salesman known 'round these parts as Sasori Man. Put 'er there! Huh? Yer askin' for my secret to success? I ain't spillin' the beans no matter how much ya beg. That's somethin' to look forward to when we do battle. Till then, happy trails.”

Panotty A flute-playing boy. But honestly, he's nothing more than a noisy, mischievous brat. He disrupts his opponent's chains by dropping large amounts of Nuisance Puyo on them. Everyone has fallen victim to his antics at least once. What a truly ruthless Puyo technique. For when his last flute sounds, the dead shall be raised. Just kidding.

BATTLE STAGES 7-12

Zombie A zombie. All of his lines are stuff like "Ugheeee." This zombie is quite the formidable trickster. Sometimes he will be swiftly defeated, and other times he will take you by surprise and suddenly pull off a huge chain. If you don't take him seriously, you'll find yourself in a tough spot. Battle with caution.

Witch In the forest stands a grand mansion. Living there was a very ordinary family whose lineage can be traced back hundreds of years. The family's only daughter was born and was raised in a very ordinary fashion. But there was one thing that was not so ordinary...That young lady was a haughty witch. Ohohoho! Ohohohoho... *fadeout*

Zou Daimaou Pawoo! The mammoth mogul has arrived! A young aristocrat who comes from an ancient and distinguished line of royal Indian elephants. An irritating fellow who likes bad puns, gives his words an elephantine quality, and casually rhymes. He also enjoys Puyo Puyo. Plus, he's strong. An aphant-garde aristocrat whose ground-shaking chains are as sharp as his tusks.

Schezo A silver-haired man with deep blue eyes. Schezo, the embodiment of picturesque beauty. However, he's been deemed a pervert thanks to Arle, and strives to restore his honor by challenging her. 

B-E-A-U-T-Y! Perfection won't pass you by!  P-R-I-N-C-E! Of the Puyo Puyo World, it's meant to be! Go now! Go forth! Show us what you're really worth! 

...Well, this has turned into something rather silly..

Minotauros Risking life and limb for his duties, a bull who lives by the code of chivalry, leaving a flurry of cherry blossoms in his wake. That is Minotauros. Ever since Rulue rescued him long ago, he has served as her devoted attendant like a faithful dog. Seeing him like this brings some to tears. For Rulue, he'd go through hell and high water. He's giving it his all today, and his one-eyed look is as cool as ever.

Rulue A woman truly worthy of the title of "Fighting Queen". The queen of the Puyo Puyo world. There's nothing that she can't obtain... Oh wait, there is something — Satan's love. Possessing a very jealous nature, Rulue is always lying in wait, ready to obliterate anyone who gets close to Satan. It's rumored that her true strength is even greater than Satan's.

BATTLE STAGE 13

Satan He is the king that rules over heaven and earth. He soars the skies with wings that slice through wind. His two horns point towards the heavens. His sharp eyes are like glistening gems. Cloaked in the veil of night, his devilish hand beckons you in. He is darkness’s cherished protege. It seems playing Puyo Puyo is a guilty pleasure of his. His true strength is unknown. It's said he's won the Puyo Puyo World Championship a countless number of times. In any case, he's obviously a bigshot. Can you truly defeat Satan, who boasts of elite skills in speed and chaining?

(You can download the PDF here)

[ohshitmomitsawritingblog]

Aight my friend I'm here to give you your first post I got you For the Alphabet Soup: Obito, Madara, Deidara, Kakashi, Zetsu, Kisame, Sasori. You ofc do not need to do all, just given some variety; pick and choose, also choose whatever letters you want, my brain can't comprehend so many letters rn Have fun ily

Puca bless u this first post is gonna be a Fat One Folks

Deidara

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Deidara wants to do new stuff all the time, full stop. He’s perpetually uncomfortable with a distinct routine, which he’d consider being stagnant. With his S/O, he’d be down to do anything once - maybe the one bit of consistency in their relationship is his need to be around his partner on a pretty regular basis.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He thinks complaining to his partner is a good excuse to tell them about his day.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Surprisingly pretty understanding! I’ve always seen Deidara as being incredibly independent and assumes others feel similarly, so it’s not like he’ll ever be overly dotting, but he will be considerate. In pain? Go lay down. Need help with something? He’ll lend a hand. That being said, he can be a little egotistical so while he anticipates his partners physical needs often, he can be apt to not check in with them emotionally and sometimes doesn’t consider their views on things. Youth, ya know?

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

‘Hey, you!’

Lmao, he’s a little rude and not the type for being publically sweet to his S/O - in fact I think he’d see it as a kind of weakness or source of embarrassment - so he’d probably come off as a little gruff when addressing them, as if subconsciously compensating for how sweet he really is on them.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Decent. He’s not overly passionate, but he gives surprisingly comforting kisses. But. There’s a learning curve. His first kiss with his S/O involved a lot of knocking of noses and clacking teeth. He takes their face by the chin when he kisses.

Kakashi

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Kakashi probably likes his S/O because they’re tenacious and on the ball in terms of their own goals - of course he 100% supports them doing their own thing, and he deeply believes that they’ll achieve whatever they set their mind to. So much so that it doesn’t cross his mind that they could fail.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Their name. Kakashi nearly passed out reading very innocent phrases from Icha Icha, I think he’d actually choke on his own tongue if he even attempted calling his S/O something like ‘dear’ for like. Years. That’s reserved for the bedroom. 😌

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Reading! Exploring the village! I get the impression that Kakashi and his S/O are partial to late night dinner and drinks with friends - especially on cool, smokey nights. Going to obscure bookshops is a big second, and I can see Kakashi enjoying quiet, laid back art scenes - that giant ass painting in his apartment speaks of a taste for impressionist scenery. I feel like Kakashi likes washing the dishes or cooking dinner with his S/O best! They talk about their days, or they just enjoy the silence of working together.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Sitting next to them. Existing in the same space. If his partner is the type to clearly need physical affection during a crisis, I can see Kakashi being the type to sit next to them and press his shoulder to their’s, or to rub small circles on their back. If they’re crying or are generally on the shorter side, he’ll press his mouth and nose into their hair. It’s his way of telling them ‘I see you, and I’m not turning your pain away’.

Furthermore, Kakashi struggles with himself and what his needs as a person are, and isn’t sure how to relate to his partner beyond being a solider or comrade, and desperately doesn’t want to invalidate his S/O’s feelings, as his own have in the past. He also has no idea what to say, other than going off his his own desperate attempts to make sense of his grief, anxiety, and sadness, but often feels like that doesn’t cut it. The pain may, at the root, be similar, but his S/O’s suffering his their own, so he tries not to say anything at all. I think he especially deeply reflects his S/Os feelings when they’re feeling hurt or sad and it shows in those small physical cues.

To quote Cole from Dragon Age: his hurt touches their’s.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Kakashi kisses are electrifying - he’s so soft and sweet but so intense. Lots of pecks are his style versus one long kiss. When he first kisses his S/O, it’s almost a little sad, though they can’t place why at the time. He cups his S/O’s face in his hands when he kisses them.

Kisame

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Hiking! Swimming! I feel like Kisame would be the type to like to distance himself from civilization during his scant bits and pieces of free time, and would genuinely enjoy the experience nature would offer, any time of year. When he feels restless, I could see him wondering away from his campsite and just exploring the area. Alternatively, I can see him enjoying the stillness of it all. I can see him enjoying a deserted stretch of beach with his S/O, not a soul around but them, watching the spring grey clouds or the washed out blue waves and just taking it all in. Very zen.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Kisame makes it a policy to have zero secrets from his S/O. He doesn’t, by nature, have a taste for lying, but his work and duty have dictated that he lie or, at best, stretch the truth more times than he can count over the years, and now he despises. If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed. That being said, Kisame is human, and I think there are things he’s done that he elects not to volunteer unless directly asked.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Kisame understands his partner and their needs well - I don’t think he rushes into relationships (in fact I think he shies away from anything more than casual interactions more often than not) and I don’t think he wouldn’t take his time truly understanding how his partner ticks. He doesn’t pry, but Kisame is a good spy and a smart man and he observes what his S/O says and does (and reads between those lines) on a consistent basis.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

If Kisame’s partner is female, I feel like he definitely calls her by ‘woman’ affectionately. He’s a little old fashioned like that and I can picture him growing up around adults who referred to their own partners like that. Kisame is one of those men who expresses his affection for his partner through the way he speaks (low pitched voice, soft and just loud enough for you to hear, for instance) versus what he says, so nicknames aren’t really his thing.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He kisses tenderly, and is kind of stiff - but the more he does it, the more he falls in step with his partner and their likes and dislikes. Not good or bad. The first kiss with his S/O was a simple press of their lips, nothing super passionate, and a little awkward.

Sasori

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Absolutely does not like his routine messed with, and, presumably, neither would his partner. Sasori seems like one of those people who are absolutely adverse to any kind of change and isn’t too thrilled with the idea of ‘spicing things up’. He’s there, he’s present, that’s enough right?

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

One of the simplest, most profound expressions of love for Sasori is acts of service - particularly putting a blanket over his partner if they fall asleep without any covers. He’ll never admit it, though.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

That’s a big ol’ no from me dawg. Sasori is just set in his ways and kind of a prick when it comes to anything messing with his plans and how he views the world. If his S/O did slowly influence or help him overcome anything though, I think it would be his consistent rejection of intimate relationships. Like, Sasori has spies, Sasori has informants, Sasori has Akatsuki teammates and associates, but hardly any of them see his ‘true form’ and even less actually like him. He’s a hard man - whose hard on others - who very ruthlessly destroyed his relationship with his sole living relative AND single handedly threw his birthplace into chaos by murdering the third Kazekage.

For him to even toy with the idea of having an S/O, he’d have to really, REALLY like them. He’d have to put aside a lot of subconscious fears and complexes and decide, at the vert least, that he wants them. That’s a huge change, for him, and not one he can fully commit to 24/7. Basically, his S/O changes him before they even get together. Good luck trying to squeeze anything else out of him.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

‘Woman’/‘brat’/‘boy’. Sasori is kind of a dick and he definitely means it as half a put down, half letting anyone in the vacinity know who his S/O belongs to.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Noooope. Sasori doesn’t do affection well, isn’t super inclined to kisses even when he has a human body, and as a puppet, he’s kind of stiff. The first kiss with his S/O is a quick press of the lips to the head or temples - not much of a kiss at all, but for Sasori, it means a lot.

Madara

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Have you watched Naruto?

Yes. Absolutely. Madara has lost so much, and when he connects with someone enough to presumably fall in love with them and pursue a relationship, it’s for the long haul. Madara’s love means Madara’s protection means Madara’s almost obsessive worrying he hides under twenty layers of coo cool, smooth boyfriend material. Worst case scenario, Madara will kill a man for his S/O, and won’t feel bad about it. Worser case scenario, he’d endeavor to create a false dream world where there’s no strife, war, or death, and no choice. ☺️

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Physical activities! Hunting, rock climbing, falconry, hell, even cleaning - i can see Madara’s idea of a relaxing time being cleaning out a shed or re-organizing his office! Presumably his S/O would either be similarly inclined or would indulge him. It does need done after all! There’s something about these all consuming, mentally stimulating activities that i can see Madara truly enjoying. He’d come out feeling refreshed. When feeling less adventurous, or maybe even, gasp, lazy, I can see Madara and his S/O playing board games, practicing calligraphy together, or painting.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

In a long term relationship? Madara definitely sees a future where his S/O is Lady or Lord of the house, deeply involved with clan matters, and maybe, if they’re wanting and capable, with some kids running around. Keep in mind I imagine large families were common amongst the Uchiha pre-Konoha merge, so his idea of ‘some’ probably means five at the least. He has no real expectations of how his S/O would orchestrate themselves - beyond well, that is. He likes them for them, and doesn’t deign to even toy with the idea of putting them in a box, even in his head. The bottom line is: they’re together, and they’re strong together, and the world they build together is sturdier than the one they came into.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

 A repeat question, but on the more emotional side: I think Madara, for the longest time, genuinely wishes for a future in which he and his S/O live quietly, and well. It’s in that bittersweet way though, the way someone wishes when they don’t necessarily think it’ll ever come true.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Not well. Madara is naturally inclined to pinning and has some intense separation anxiety - which no one would ever know because he’d rather die than show just how much he misses his S/O. Madara, paraphrasing John Mulany, stuffs all his feelings deep deep deep down, and he plans to die like that. He just doesn’t cope, and the longer they’re apart the grumpier he gets. He pouts when alone, almost - but not quite - spaces out during meals, and busies himself with the finer details of cleaning equipment. Anything to shake the creeping dread that digs up his spine. Around his S/O’s return, he presses kisses to the nap of his S/O’s neck, just at their hairline, when they’re finally alone; if still around people, Madara has a habit of watching their neck and mouth, but says nothing that gives himself away.

Obito

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Going under the assumption that he has an S/O during the canon timeline? It’s not the sweetest confession in the world. He’s very to the point: his S/O is his. I can’t ever see him saying the world love, even if his body language expresses it loud and clear. He’ll run his fingers over their cheeks, press his forehead to their’s, and his stare? His stare could peel wallpaper, kill, and undress his S/O all at the same time. He’s just real intense and tongue tied at the same time.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

As a kid? Obito is painfully obvious. As an adult with all the maladjusted neurosis boiling under that hood of his? It’s not at all obvious. Obito is a busy man, what with the stirring of many pots and scheming and LARPing as Tobi, local terrorist cell’s local idiot. If he does show his love for his S/O, it’s like a leaking faucet; he doesn’t mean to touch their hand with the back of his, but he does it anyway. He doesn’t mean to look at them as they retreat from a meeting, but he does. It’s the little, tender things that hemorrhage from his cold half dead little heart.

Bonus: if this is a post ‘canon’ au where Obito lives and is the weird, kind of unstable, under house arrest for international dream crimes uncle of the Boruto gen, I can see him being much more open. Super clingy - prone to mood swings where he can become his old, cold self, but that’s just the package deal - a little pouty, and incredibly sweet on his S/O. He’s all hugs when they gets home, his hand pressed firmly to their lower back as they walk the village (probably breaking all kinds of rules in the process) and way more inclined to agree with you or go along with your plans. Everyone knows he’s his S/O’s man because he’s proud and loud about it.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Their relationship is deeply important to Obito. I would say in terms of importance, only the moon’s eye plan trumps his S/O - how he reconciles with these two deeply potentially conflicting facts? He doesn’t. He just assumes they’re on board. Other than that, he will put his partner above everything and everyone else, with an emphasis on their physical safety.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Dominate, even in a post-canon-I’m-alive! AU. Obito has an unhealthy relationship with control, and while he’s not one to want to dominate his S/O’s will, he would almost expect his S/O to follow his lead.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Very very romantic and cliche, although Obito reigns in his more dreamy impulses (flowers or picnics, stuff he daydreamed about as a kid) well. His direct displays of affection or ‘dates’ are few and far in between, and very lowkey. He’ll bring his S/O something he’ll know they like - a string of dried flowers grown only in a particular a temple from the land of Fire, a polished, perfectly oval turquoise rock from the land of Wind. He’ll mail them to his S/O or, more likely, leave these little gifts in places he knows they’ll find them. His idea of a good time, of a happy time with his S/O, is quiet nights where plans and identities are put aside, and they can rest or talk about nothing or go for a simple walk. His biggest daydream he still toys with as an adult is getting caught in the rain and kissing his S/O while they’re both soaked.

Zetsu

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Well Zetsu is an alien prince(?), and a plant, and generally kind of weird. That being said, I think he’s very upfront about his S/O and their relationship! There’s definitely a gap in time where he talks nonstop about his S/O and uses any chance to bring them up. Obito toys with the idea of offing them just to get him to shut up. In terms of kissing or physical affection in front of others though? He’s a nervous wreck/directly dismisses the idea.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Honestly, I feel like his S/O would have to confess to him, rather than the other way around. They casually mention liking him, he scoffs, only for them to insist, and it ends with a very vaguely embarrassed plant ‘accepting’ their feelings.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

What can you do with a plant man? Probably spying, or exploring various places - he isn’t particularly in awe of nature like Kisame, but he likes the quiet and having his S/O all to himself. I can see him liking cards, too.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

‘Babe’ comes to mind - he doesn’t quite get the whole ‘affectionate nickname’ thing humans do, but he likes the sound of babe in particular.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Nope! Zetsu is just happy to have his S/O present, even if they’re presumably just another human who eventually will be swept away in his mother’s plans. He still loves them, and he’s willing to do whatever they’d like in the time they have together.

[fanfic-of-fables-of-kitkat]

Naruto OC ship week

Prompt: Hair

@narutoocshipweek

Synopsis: Temari, Kankuro and Gaara were adopted by the well reknowned couple Hatsue (OC) & Sasori, a few decades when the siblings had long been adults, they reunite and reminisce their childhood

[This prompt will become a future chapter to my existing fanfic at FF.net ]

"You know what, our parents are jerks." Kankuro grimaced and then downed his cup. With a tap, he set it down and his younger brother moved to pour more for him.

Temari, the eldest of the Sand Siblings, giggled in her drunkenness, letting out hiccups afterwards, her eyes half-lidded as the alcohol kicks in. "No kidding."

Gaara couldn't help but snort at that, an action he wouldn't be caught doing in a sober state.

"I mean first, there's our birth mother who couldn't keep herself alive." Kankuro complained. "Don't worry, Gaara, I'll say this again and again: you didn't have to anything to do with her death. Mother protested against Father from making you a jinchuriki and strained herself, risking you to be prematurely born."

The red head sipped generously from his cup. "Then there's our birth Father, who tried to have me killed multiple times for the sake of testing my control over Shukaku."

"Which was real shitty of him." Temari concluded. "He was a stellar father... in another life, probably. Kami, he was terrible."

"He was indifferent to me." Kankuro huffed, downing his shot in one go.

"I could never get a single praise out of him, no matter how well i perform my jutsu." The eldest of the three complained, wiping her face with her hand.

"He tried to have me killed. Multiple times."

The three looked at each other and barked a laugh.

"Oh gosh, are we competing on who among us siblings he treated the worst? Gaara wins that contest hands down." Temari grabs the bottle of sake to herself and orders a new one for her brothers.

"Hey, you should slow down, if you drink too much, we'll get your husband and we'll be cutting our reunion short." Kankuro nagged, squinting his eyes at her.

"I can hold my liquor, Kankuro, besides I know my limits, after this one I'll try to sober up before Shikamaru arrives." Temari assures her brothers, and then takes a swig out of the bottle. She looked... solemn now. "Sorry, I couldn't be here for their burial."

Kankuro gave her a sad smile and Gaara nods at her. Burials here at Suna, when a person dies, the body is buried at the same day because of the heat. The hot weather makes a dead body permeate a strong foul odor so funerals are held almost immediately.

"Hatsue-kaa-san was a damn jerk too." Temari says this without bite, her eyes dulled as she remembers memories of their adoptive mother.

"Yep, mom was a jerk." The middle child agrees, snorting in his drink.

"Agreed." The red head nods, not only to affirm his elder siblings' statements but because the room starts to sway.

"She was so disgustingly kind."

"She was. She had no business on what happens to us and yet she goes ahead and adopts us. Strangers. We would have been orphans if it weren't for her."

"In a way, we already were. Mother died early. Father was negligent."

"She let me use her paints, her paint brushes and... she would paint on my face too.", Kankuro reminisced, a nostalgic smile graced his lips. "She used to tell me I was handsome-

"it's either I'm biased to say you're handsome because you're my son or you're really handsome", the three simultaneously quoted.

"Such a jerk, blowing up my confidence like that."

"Yeah, I remember her combing my hair, hated my hair because-" She looks at her brothers alternately then her eyes went back to her bottle. "Kankuro looked like he got his genes from Hatsue-kaa-san, Gaara looked like he got his from Sasori while I look like neither of them. I look like Uncle Yashamaru. that bastard."

"Everyone here in Suna, knows what's the deal with us. It doesn't matter."

Temari shrugged nonchantly "When we would all travel for Sasori's spy network... It was nice to pretend that we were their real children."

"Yeah."

"... The people would give us scandalous looks, doing the math, it would seem they conceived Temari at 16, Kankuro at 17 and I at 18."

The blonde and the raven head guffawed hysterically, remembering the instances conservative people coming up to their mom and passing down unwanted advices. Sasori would hide a smile and Hatsue-kaa-san would turn as red as her husband's hair.

"Hatsue-kaa-san would tell me she loved my hair. She said every time she brushes my hair it's like she's spinning threads of gold."

Kankuro made a vomiting sound. "She was such a... sap."

"... i miss- ... She would hug me the longest."

"She taught me how to care for myself... and I loved it every time she would do her skincare with me." The memories brought the distinct smell of rose scented lotions and citrus moisturizers.

"She would hover around whenever I would get ready to paint my face." Kankuro chuckled fondly.

"You were their favorite." Temari says, a hint of envy was there and there was also acceptance with the way she shrugged her shoulders.

"Me? No way-" The puppeteer tried to deny it; he didn't believe it anyway since there was this saying about middle children often are ignored.

"You are. Hatsue-kaa-san loved that you were interested in painting and Sasori .. bonded with you through puppet making." The red head gave Kankuro a slow nod.

"You don't need to feel bad, our birth mother, Karura's favorite would be Gaara and Rasa's favorite was me, being the first born and all... before he got into the council."

"You were Uncle Komushi's favorite too, Temari, not just father's."

She laughed at that. "Oh, I miss that old man. I think I only became his favorite because of the fact that I was the eldest. He used to say I was what Sasori owed him."

"And Chiyo-baa-san favored Gaara the most."

They had grins on their faces and it slipped quietly to sad smiles. Memories flooded them, brought them happiness and warmth more than they could ever hold, thus it was no wonder if their eyes were a little misty. They blame it on the alcohol.

"I should've spend more time with them." Kankuro opens up, sake really did have a way in making an honest man out of him.

"I should've brough Shikadai more for a visit." Temari regrets

"I should've called him otou-san, at least once."

The three shared a look and couldn't help but be immersed in their shared regrets.

"We should've."

"But Sasori was an asshole."

"Agreed. He made it hard to call him so."

"His guard was up."

"He was stern."

"He threatened to kill me." Gaara paused, and then added. "Understandable since at that time, I recently attempted to kill his wife."

The older siblings froze and stared at the youngest.

"That happened?"

"You never told us."

The red head shrugged.

"But... he was a father to us. In his way. He would find wind technique scrolls for me to learn. When we were younger, I remember him tying my hair up, although Hatsue-kaa-san made him do it but still..." Sasori had a stoic expression the whole time but the slow, barely there tugs as he gently brushes her hair, belies that he cared despite his seeming indifference. Temari remembers catching an almost imperceptible smile he gives her when he was done, and patted her head.

"He told me, after developing my Red Secret Technique... that it was impressive. It was stupid, I admired him and respected him, idolized him even. He was an example to follow as a Puppet shinobi. It was stupid that I-.. I wanted to hear him say he was proud of me." The middle child confessed, whispered his words, one of his vulnerabilities. "But he was such an asshole, he made us look up to him as father figure but we always felt like we weren't allowed to call him that."

"Shukaku was always loud in my head but Sasori- After defeating me, Shukaku was... cautious of him. He'd grumble alot in my head. But he quiets down when I'm near... Sasori made me feel like... everyone was safe because he was there to stop me. That's why I always asked you to go with me and sleep in their room."

"I think we interrupted them a whole lot." Temari snorted.

The three siblings burst a laugh. They remember Sasori opening the door, breathless and Hatsue-kaa-san disheveled, her pajamas looking suspiciously crumpled. Their laughter faded after a few minutes and they sat there for awhile, wondering about their parents. They didn't doubt that their parents loved them but... they wondered if their parents knew they reciprocated.

"I used to think Sasori tolerated us, you know?" Temari waved the bottle, her head was resting on the table. "That us being his kids was only an extension of his love to Hatsue-kaa-san."

"Not gonna lie but I think that's how it was for him in the beginning. Just a bunch of brats he tolerated for mom." Kankuro says, shaking his head a little. "He was a damn good father, though."

"Except... he just didn't make it known that we were allowed to call him that." Gaara stares blankly into his cup.

"Everyone said we could, if we wanted. But I wanted him to say it."

"We were stubborn. And so was he."

"Yet we follow after them. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"Because we love them more."

"More than our birthparents."

"That's why..."

"Our parents.." Temari hiccuped, cheeks red.

"They're..." Kankuro was swaying his head, as if he was hearing a lullaby.

" All..." Gaara rubbed his eyes, trying to keep the drowsiness at bay.

"..jerks!" The siblings all said simultaneously, clinking bottles and glasses.