#and that's why i think platonic love is so freaking strong

[debtsunpaid]

loooootta parallels between klavier and hugh dancy's will graham, tbh. same principle of being transformed first against your will, then accepting the change because you're too far gone to go back so you might as well walk forward, and finally completing the transformation yourself because you've come to see the beauty inherent in the change. by a similar token, ondine is a little bit of both bedelia and alana.

[specialgradefckr]

Heatwave: Day 4

tw: explicit content. 13k+ words. College AU. Satoru/Reader, past (unrequited) Suguru/Reader and Suguru/Satoru. afab!beta!reader (they/them), alpha!gojo. feral!gojo, feral!reader, i am not sorry

Some alcohol, but no one is actually drunk. oral (reader receiving), sex toys, dirty talk, knots, satoru in rut, satoru is a little gross but only because he's obsessed, you and satoru take turns going insane over each other

childhood friends to lovers. humor. intense platonic love. PINING. so much pining. omegaverse antics. gojo has provider/caretaker!alpha instincts. this fic is more romance than smut so just read it if you want chemistry and yearning with gojo that ends in sex.

Prompt: A beta develops the ability to smell scents and finds themselves losing their mind.

You’d never particularly minded being a beta. Sure, alphas and omegas didn’t have to deal with periods, but considering how awful ruts and heats can be, you think you got the better end of the deal.

In isolation, being a beta isn’t a bad thing, although there’s times you’ve wished you were something else.

Your best friend, Satoru Gojo, is an alpha, and that had never really mattered, either.

Then one day – you wake up, as per usual.

You meet up with him and walk to Jujutsu Technical College together; Satoru lives on campus, but he likes to walk with you. Presumably to snag an extra ten minutes or so during which to be a pain in your ass.

As soon as he sees you, he beams, a spring in his extra large stride as he comes up behind you, throwing an arm over your shoulders.

This wasn’t unusual. He’d done this a million times before. What’s unusual is a – something in the air. You sniff, and Satoru picks it up right away, sniffing along with you.

Whatever you’re smelling, he must not detect it.

It doesn’t smell like anything specific, you couldn’t definitively match it to a food or candle or anything in particular.

It’s a sweet and sour sort of thing, similar to lemonade; it almost makes scrunch your nose, and at the same time your mouth waters as if you can already taste it.

“What is it?” He looks at you from behind those stupid sunglasses that somehow looked awesome on him. “I know it’s not me.”

“Nothing, I just thought I caught a whiff of like… a drink or something. I must have spilled it on my clothes somewhere.” You’re really sure you didn’t, but it’s the only thing that makes sense.

It makes less sense that the smell gets stronger when Satoru leans in towards you – way too close, you’ve gotta yell at him about personal space sometime – and takes an exaggerated sniff.

“You look like a pervert,” Your observation doesn’t stop him in the least. In fact, you think he sniffs even harder. “Have I got crack on me or something?” Satoru snickers at that.

“Nah, I’m actually not getting anything.” He leans in even more, almost towards your neck, “You sure you’re not going crazy?”

“Ugh, stop it, you freak!” You shove him aside, and he lets you with a laugh.

You don’t smell it again for the rest of the walk.

-

You visit a doctor’s office. Nothing has been unusual between your legs, and god knows Satoru would have teased you about it immediately if he’d smelled anything different.

But the doctor tells you why you smelled something he didn’t; alphas, especially young ones not yet out of their teenage years, were generally blind to their own scents, as most people were.

What you’d been smelling had been Satoru.

Sudden onset scent sensitivity. Real tongue-twister of a name, but it was real, and you’d looked it up after they told you about it.

It’s funny, because you’ve never had a very strong sense of smell; Satoru had always been utterly baffled by it.

Especially after presenting, he was floored at the fact that you couldn’t tell that his jacket smelled like him, to which you’d asked him (very seriously) if he had ever heard of a washing machine.

Washing with soap did typically remove the scent from articles of clothing, but it was common for an alpha or omega to run their hands over fresh laundry, or toss a clean-but-scented blanket into the dryer for a quick tumble.

Scenting stuff. You’d never really gotten the idea behind it. All humans were born with scent glands, and their secondary sexes develop those glands – along with their genitalia – in different ways.

A beta like you had no secondary sex hormones, and consequently didn’t develop any secondary sex characteristics. While betas do have scent glands, the scent they produce is weaker, and they don’t emit pheromones at all.

However, human bodies and developments were as diverse as they were weird. It wasn’t uncommon for individuals to produce a specific hormone or group of hormones, developing part of a secondary sex’s characteristics without actually presenting as one.

Turns out your body produces a hormone linked to the ability to smell pheromones. The doctor said it had probably started happening during puberty, and over the years, it eventually led to your newfound sensitivity.

That didn’t make you an alpha or an omega, but it did clue you in to something that only they could sense. A whole new world of conversations and invisible signaling going on, pheromones, scents –

And, as you learned in a painful, awkward stint past Satoru’s dorm room at the college – there was no good way of saying this – cum.

Good old whiff of cum while you walked by, so profuse it almost kind of gagged you, head racing with confusion and alarm at what the fuck this new sensation was.

But very quickly you catch on to how your heart picks up, how your thighs clench. Alpha cum has pheromones in it, after all.

And a peek into his bachelor pad later reveals a trashcan full of tissues you wouldn’t have glanced twice at before. Maybe not even once.

Just beside them is a seemingly innocuous crumpled up sock and your nose is saying yUP. THE SEXY IS ON THE SOCK.

Okay, so it’s cum. And you know it’s cum. And you’ll know it’s cum every time you visit, and every time Satoru is even a little bit messy with it, which is always, because he doesn’t know that you can smell his cum.

Cool, cool, okay, cool.

But that was fine. Totally fine, right? It’s not like you thought Satoru was a monk or anything. So, your best friend jerks off sometimes. He’s a teenage boy, it’d be weirder if he didn’t!

It’s hard to look him in the (extremely pretty) eyes that day, though.

It isn’t a gross scent, exactly, it’s just very… distinct.

Satoru’s cum does still smell a bit like him, that tangy, mouth-watering scent, but with an unmistakable undertone that your brain can only register as horny.

But like. You know what it is! You’re forced to know! And even if you’re just a beta, you can’t help how you react to the knowledge.

Even if it’s weird, though, in a (deeply awkward, uncomfortable) way you’re glad.

You were close friends with alphas and omegas, and those friendships were just like any other, really, but there was this type of communication that you couldn’t understand.

Omegas and alphas would just get certain things about one another, a natural sort of empathy that only came from shared experiences.

A party that you weren’t invited to, a bunch of inside jokes you weren’t in on, a language you couldn’t understand.

Satoru was your best friend, but you didn’t think for a second that you were his.

His best friend was a fellow alpha, Suguru Geto. You’d met in high school, years ago, and you’d been crushing on Geto for a while before he presented. You’d already presented by then and you were sure he’d be a beta, just like you.

Even though Satoru had been telling you for weeks that he’d be an alpha. Said he could just tell. He just knew. Boy, it was annoying when it finally happened.

Alpha-beta pairs aren’t the rarest thing in the world but they’re not that common, either.

You’d been hopeful about it for a while, until you see how the two of them got along, understood each other so seamlessly, connected even during their not-so-uncommon arguments.

(Satoru had always gone to you, after those, to complain. As if you’d take his side over Geto’s! Even if you weren’t infatuated with the guy, he was way more reasonable than Satoru. High school Satoru was a menace.)

Even after Geto left for a different college, there was always this layer of distance that you felt between you two after he presented.

Satoru didn’t seem to know it existed at all, but you felt it, every time he or Geto or anyone else referenced these feelings that only alphas or omegas experienced. Feelings you couldn’t understand.

“Eugh, I’m in pre-rut, it totally sucks…”

“I told you, Satoru, order one of those online rut kits. The included toys work really well.”

“Whaaaaaaat? I thought you were gonna ask out that omega guy from Chemistry!”

“Don’t remind me, I almost wish I had. God, if I did, maybe I could spend the next rut with him…”

And it was bad enough that you kept being reminded of it, that your crush was an alpha and his dream partner would always be an omega.

That you’d never be what he wanted, just what he had, even if you got together.

What was worse was how touchy they got, even after presenting. Casually slinging arms around your shoulders, both of them, hugs to say hello and goodbye, the sudden familiarity and physicality you could only attribute to them presenting as alphas.

It was apparently normal for alphas or omegas to want to scent their close friends, and you were always stuck between the two. Some kind of pack behavior stuff.

Satoru constantly took your stuff, made plans with you then cancelled later, showed up whenever you were trying to make new friends to scare people off.

Like all your free time should belong to him, even if all he wanted to do was find an omega to bang. You were young, and dumb, and Satoru was your closest friend, so you let him get away with it.

He’d always been possessive like that. There weren’t a lot of people who could get close to Satoru, and even fewer people who stayed there.

He was needy, demanding, and capricious all at once, just as likely to leave you on read than to spam you with twenty messages in five minutes.

So hot and cold. Geto got most of Satoru’s attention back in high school, and when he could be bothered to hang out with you, Geto was usually there too.

Geto was less of a raging whore than Satoru, but they talked about it casually enough for you to know they both got around. Like it was some badge of pride.

Dumb alpha crap. Even when they didn’t want you, they had to be weird towards you.

They’d steal your clothes, try to get you to wear theirs, fussing over seemingly meaningless trivialities, like which colors you liked better, whose lunch you wanted a bite from, where you sat during movie night.

Exchanging looks while you glared at them, like they were speaking in a language you didn’t know. Satoru’s arm around your neck while Geto leaned into your side.

But you could tell what was going on between them. Bumping into each other, shoving one another’s shoulders and laughing.

The casual competition that extended to everything – sports, grades, social connections – not just you. How Satoru started spending more time with Geto, hanging out without you.

Nothing was more important to Satoru than finding someone who understood him.

He’d been utterly heartbroken when Geto left, and if this was how he reacted to losing a best friend who he insisted he didn’t have feelings for, you dreaded how he’d react to an actual breakup.

For his part, Satoru had gotten better. You got better at establishing boundaries, making other friends, and telling him directly that he made you feel like shit sometimes. Slamming the door in his pretty face had never felt so good.

If you’d known how easy he was, how that was all it took to get him crying and whining and scratching at your door, then you’d have kicked him to the curb ages ago.

Satoru had tried hard to understand you from then on, to respect your boundaries; borrowing things instead of stealing, keeping his commitments, be the friend you deserved, and not do weird alpha posturing crap.

But now you could detect some of the things that they could. You had a little look into the world he’d been living in, of scents and pheromones and irresistible arousal...

And you’re just as confused as before.

Confirming what you’d always thought; you’re a beta, he’s an alpha, and nothing in the world could ever bridge this particular gap between you two.

There’s so many weird things, so many mixed signals, it honestly doesn’t make any sense.

It has to be something an omega would understand, something Satoru or Geto’s ideal partner would just get, that you… couldn’t.

You start smelling Satoru’s scent in a lot of places, not just when you’re around him.

Somewhere in your closet. Okay, that makes sense, you remember him getting something out of there one time. When you look, you find the source of the scent – a scarf.

Satoru had bought a matching version after seeing it on you; it was something he’d done before. Shown up with an identical article of clothing, crowing about it totally looked better on him. You couldn’t roll your eyes hard enough at him.

He must have dropped it and thought it was yours. You’d sworn your copy of this scarf was in this closet, but you can’t find it, so maybe you wore it and left it somewhere else and forgot. Or maybe he picked up your version –

No, wait, he wouldn’t have. Satoru was supposed to be mostly blind to his own scent but he could smell yours, at least a little.

And scent blindness didn’t apply to objects or people that were actually scented… or maybe they did? You’d have to check it out. Just more alpha things you didn’t understand.

Besides, you were being pretty careless with your laundry lately. There’s an extra sock that appears in your wash, making you think that maybe he really did just leave his scarf and yours is still lying around somewhere, but the sock is nowhere near his size.

Sometimes you think this new scent sensitivity is just driving you crazy.

There’s more, too. Like a pen of yours that suddenly reeks of him; you recall having seen him put it in his mouth when staying over for a study session, but you’d assumed it was his own back then.

He would still help himself to your things these days, boy-prince that he was - he just made sure to repay you later, always with something nicer than what he'd taken. And he never took anything important.

Saliva was so strongly scented that even Satoru would have had to smell it, and he just did that to your pen? Eugh!

And how he leans into you when you’re walking side by side sometimes. An arm over your shoulder.

Now, you realize that with the way he rests his stupid lanky ass body against you, your hair often gets tucked into his neck, right where his glands ooze his electric scent all over you.

But Satoru’s weird, he’s always been weird. Probably a bit possessive, too – you remembered him and Geto doing this crap in high school, it’s just that you’re only now noticing how obvious it is to anyone who can smell it.

Then, one day hanging out in his dorm, you start to smell something different on him. His sweet and sour smell practically burns in the air like ozone, overtaking your head from the first sniff just like a shock.

Satoru doesn’t even notice you being weird about it, either, he just gets all huffy and tells you to come sit next to him.

Wait. Is he… is Gojo…

You look at him, making a face you’ve seen about a million times before, eyes glancing away as if bored.

One breath in and your senses scream horny. Horny, horny boy, horny jail, Satoru might as well be blushing and grabbing his crotch from what your brain is suddenly screaming at you.

This isn’t the scent you’d smelled before, when he had – oh god WHY do you have to be thinking this – just finished jerking off.

What??? What is it?? What is going ON? He hadn’t been watching porn or something before you came in, right?

“Satoru?” You say his name and his head instantly turns to you, like he’s standing to attention.

Something more trickles into the air just for a moment, a happy burst of pheromones reminiscent of a tiny little firework.

…He didn’t just, like, cum or anything, right?

Your name interrupts your thoughts, “What is it?” Big blue eyes looking at you. Pretty as ever.

There’s an inexplicable fondness that rushes through you, a rush of comfort, and reassurance, like you can tell him anything and he’ll help you.

“Uh, just – are you studying for Calc II? I have a test coming up.” Satoru isn’t in Calc II, what were you talking about? Why did you even ask?

“Yeah, I took it, let me get you my notes from last semester!” He shoves the chair back quicker than you’d expect, a grin creeping up his face, “Say thank you senpai~” He says in sing-song as he waves a notebook at you.

You roll your eyes. “We’re both sophomores.”

“But you’re behind me in this class,” Always so smug, “Don’t worry~ You know I’ve always got you, hm?”

Something feels too warm inside you for him to smell this horny. And why is it getting to you like this? What’s getting to you? Is this some kind of alpha thing? Does he even know he’s doing this?

You almost open up your mouth to ask him, but think better of it.

It’s not something you’d get anyways. You’re a beta and all.

“Yeah. Thanks, Satoru.”

He actually leaves you to study in peace after that. He takes the bed, claiming he just needs to review some stuff, and lets you sit at his desk and write answers.

Every now and then, you find your voice asking for help out loud with uncharacteristic meekness. Like you’re afraid he’ll tease you more instead of helping (the teasing, you expect, but surely you know he’ll help you anyways).

But Satoru darts over with an equally uncharacteristic attentiveness, looking over your shoulder, explaining the problem right away from beginning to end, patiently covering each part and answering your questions.

His face feels so warm next to yours. You know his neck – his scent glands – are digging into your shoulder where he’s looming over you, arms reaching around your side to point at different parts of the problem. Satoru doesn’t realize you smell it, but like this, his scent is overwhelming.

It leaves you flushed, tugging at your collar and swallowing dryly.

“Oh, you thirsty? I was about to get snacks!” He chirps before practically prancing off.

Satoru sounds weirdly excited to do it. It isn’t that weird – he loves study treats, “A little reward for working so hard~” – but his scent exudes a weird eagerness, a satisfaction, like he’s doing a really good job at… something.

What is this? Some alpha thing? You use the opportunity you get when he prances off to fan yourself. Take a deep breath or two.

There’s nothing weird about this, Satoru is acting the way he’s always been acting. He doesn’t know you can tell, now.

No way are you letting go of this advantage, after all that time he must have lorded it over you. In high school his scent was probably even stronger, and he and Geto rubbed it ALL over you!

Something catches your eye, though, or rather your nose. It’s on the corner of his desk, at the very edge. It smells like Satoru everywhere in here (you’d begun to learn that teen alpha boys, much like regular teen boys, absolutely reeked) but this scarf doesn’t. In fact, you think you recognize it.

Picking it up, you can smell your own scent on it, just faintly. Betas don’t smell like much, but this was something you wore often, and you can catch the faint vanilla sugar aroma that’s supposed to be peaceful and calming, like betas apparently are.

This was it, the same scarf that had gone missing in your closet. This one being yours – it still had your scent on it, somehow, even with how much Satoru reeked – and the one in your closet, as you suspected, was his.

The little thief! What was he doing with your clothing? Did he lose his scarf and decide to nick yours?

But… how could he have lost it in your closet? You were pretty sure you’d left yours in your closet.

From what you know about Alphas, they’re not supposed to like foreign scents in their “dens”, even from a mild beta. It would be immediately obvious that this doesn’t belong.

Maybe, being blind to his own scent, he didn’t notice your smell, but if he’d used it, even for just a couple hours, your scent should be totally gone from it.

So why’s it just sitting here, away from his bed or anywhere else the scent of you on it might be disturbed?

Satoru must have swapped them out intentionally. Or – why would he? If he took yours and just didn’t wear it, then that would explain it, too, right? Maybe the one in your room was yours, and he’d just swapped them back after wearing it. But why? Satoru would probably borrow your toothbrush if it saved him a trip to the convenience store, he didn’t care.

Your mind spins and spins until Satoru comes back, a couple bags of convenience store treats and drinks in hand, grinning and preening so hard – “Aren’t I just the best partner? Study buddy? You’re wel~come~” – if he were a dog his tail would be wagging wildly behind him.

Whatever. You’re just going crazy. Betas aren’t even supposed to be able to tell any of this stuff. It’s weird, you wouldn’t get it.

But Satoru gets you – has your back, like he always does. You leave his company smiling, content, like you always have.

-

After you ace the test the next night, you run at him beaming with excitement. He catches you in his arms and spins you around and you smell a pure and genuine joy in his scent as he teases you.

“Of course you aced it! You doubted my teaching?!”

“Never, Satoru-sensei~”

“Hehe. What a promotion from being your senpai!”

“I never admitted that!”

(Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile. And you’ll hand it over with a smile, too, because when have you ever been able to say no to that pretty face?)

Just – you’re friends. You celebrate each other’s accomplishments, nothing weird there.

-

You see your scarf again after a night of drinking.

It’s so stupid. Satoru knows he’s a huge lightweight. He turned twenty right before finals so he’s not technically underage, but still!

So why was he drinking? You’d heard there was some kind of big get-together (Nanami was there, after all), but Satoru wasn’t a social drinker or anything. It was some kind of celebration after finals being over or whatever. Still, the Satoru you knew never drank.

Then you get a text from him, begging you to pick him up from the bar. Why? You’re a college student, you don’t have a car! He can text you, but he can’t get a taxi? He can’t be that wasted.

And you know it’s from him because only Satoru would beg for help while also making it sound like it was an honor for you to help him. Ugh.

The worst part is, even when he’s tipsy and stumbling, he’s well over six damn feet tall and easily sends you stumbling whenever his steps waver. One arm wrapped around you like you’re some kind of living crutch.

“Awh~ Came to pick me up? You really do like me, huh?” He crows, like he hadn’t pleaded with you over text. He smells like fruity vodka and – someone else. Must be an alpha he hung out with at the party.

“Someone has to.” You grumble as you deposit him into the car seat, shoving at his shoulder when he doesn’t move over right away.

He pats on his lap, head tilted back, eyes dreamy and half-lidded as he giggles. Three times, before you scoff, slam the door, and go around the other side to sit next to him. Dumbass.

The ride to the dorm is less annoying than you thought it would be, mainly because Satoru… isn’t actually that drunk at all?

Just tipsy enough to tease you to sit on his lap, apparently.

“Come ooooon! We never cuddle anymore!”

“We haven’t cuddled since we were nine, and you said I had cooties.” It was pretty normal, of course, but it had hurt at the time.

“It’s been over ten years, won’t you forgive me?” He complains, “What, you don’t love me anymore?”

“I’d love to smack you,” You mutter to yourself.

Satoru must overhear you wrong, because he wiggles happily in his seat, reaching out to pull you against him. You let him sit like that for the ride as he rambles on about his night.

It’s cute. You’re a huge homebody – Satoru knows that – but it sounds like he had fun, connected with some old friends. Shoko, Nanami, and Haibara – names you haven’t heard in ages.

By the time you get to the dorms, you’re chatting animatedly about Nanami’s choice of major and whether or not it suited him (You really can’t believe he just went into Accounting like that. Why wouldn’t he go for Literature? He loved the book club you were both in! Satoru insists he was only doing it to get girls, though).

He starts clinging to you again in that weird way (he is totally not drunk enough to need it), where he rests some weight on you but not too much, at an awkward angle since he’s so stupidly tall.

It’s just enough for you to stagger with him to his dorm room, shoving the door open while he snickers at your fumbling – “Thanks for the help, Satoru.” “You’re welcome! Aren’t I just the best?” – like some prince on his throne.

You shove him in, utterly impatient, and groan when his hand finds your arm and pulls you in with him.

Satoru spins around once like the pretty princess he is, laughing to himself, smelling like ozone again as the arousal hits your senses. But he must not notice the surprise on your face, because he reaches out a hand towards you, beckoning while you back towards his bed.

Maybe he is more drunk than you thought, if he was this turned on –

Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait wait. WAIT!

Your mind is racing ahead, thoughts flooding your synapses, eyes wide as you inhale again and detect the same thing.

The scarf. It’s there, in the corner of your eye.

It doesn’t smell like you anymore. It’s crumpled up in a corner, unmistakably dirtied.

He jerked off on it. He totally fucking jerked off on it. The scarf is literally crusted with his cum. THE FUCK???

It wouldn’t have been weird, just gross, but this isn’t Satoru’s scarf and Satoru knew that. There was no way he’d missed that it smelled like you! It might have even smelled like you when he was jerking off into it!

Did he – why would he –

If he wanted it to smell like him, why jerk off on it? He could just wear the damn thing! Actually, he had one that already smelled like him! And he gave it to YOU! Why???

The uncomfortable feeling in your chest churns harder.

You’re insane. You must be going completely insane.

The sock. No fucking way. There’s no fucking WAY. That would be so gross. Your insides are churning, hot and roiling with something and you just. There’s no way.

That’s the only explanation, because when you open your mouth, you actually say.

“Gojo did you – did you steal my sock? And my scarf?” Your voice gets higher in pitch, “And then jerk off on them?”

You’re definitely going insane, because the Satoru giggles like a kid caught with his hands in the candy jar. Maybe he really did get totally fucking smashed at the get-together. Maybe he’s been getting smashed these whole past few fucking weeks!

“Haha, yeah! I’m in rut, you can’t blame me,” He whines like he totally expects to be excused of this one little slip-up, like jerking off into an article of clothing that smelled like you was just boys being boys or some crap from high school, “And – hey! Don’t call me Gojo!”

He’s – he’s in rut? Had that been why all this weird shit was happening to you? He was just doing some weird alpha crap, and it was getting to you because you could smell it?

A groan escapes you. “Satoru.” Why does he light up when you say his name like that? Why does your chest feel so fucking – “Go sober up and pass out. I’m going home.”

You need to get out of here, before this shit gets to you any more. Satoru doesn’t know he can affect you with this. It’s never affected you before.

Your face is hot. So, so hot.

“Don’t leave.” The words sound like a whimper, like a wail, so impossibly morose. He’s on his knees already in front of you, pawing at you with both hands, clinging. “Don’t leave. Stay with me.”

Crystal blue eyes gazing up at you, wide and tearful. Cheeks still flushed a little pink. Moonlight from the window filtering over his lovely features. Lust in the air, radiating off him, seeping into you with every breath.

He’s so pretty. Satoru’s always been the most beautiful person you know. He’s in rut, and he wants you to stay, and it shocks you how a thrill runs through you at the thought. Desire molten in your chest, dripping down to your core.

“You’re in rut, and you’re drunk – ”

“Even I’m not drunk off one strawberry daiquiri,” And though you’d like to deny it, if Satoru’s sober enough to snark at you, he’s probably not that drunk. Which means this is all his rut – “And god, I’ve wanted you so fucking long. Rut’s just made it worse.”

The words should feel like they’re shattering you. Like decades of friendship are teetering on the balance, on a tightrope over one stupid night of drinks.

Instead you just feel hotter than ever. Every breath tells you what it had been telling you from the beginning, what you were just too blind to see. Desire. Lust. Want.

“I thought we were just friends,” You say quietly, like it’s some confession.

He stands up so he can cup your face, tilt it so your gaze meets his. “It’s okay if you don’t – if you’re not – you know. If it’s too much right now. I was too pussy to say it for a long time, I just scented you, and hung out with you, and whatever else you’d let me, but…”

“How long? I know you didn’t like me in high school.”

“I fucking loved you in high school, I was just a huge dick. You know that.” Those pretty eyes look down, only for a moment, “Back then, I didn’t want to fuck you. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love you to death. Still do.”

“But you want to – ”

“Yeah, I super wanna fuck you now.” He looks back at you with that stupid pretty face and that stupid charming grin, way more cheerful than it has any business being, “But you know, you’ll always be my best friend, right? My number one. If I need to spend a hundred years convincing you that I’ll be the best boyfriend ever, that’s fine.”

A hundred years? You’d dare him to last a hundred seconds without whining for what he wants like the spoiled brat he is.

But his eyes are so bright, and you can smell how much he wants you. He wants you that much and he says this.

“I’ll be so good,” He purrs, arms wrapping around you and bringing you closer to him, “The best. I’m pretty, you know. And I’m rich. I’ll go out on dates with you all the time, my treat, and kiss you, and hold your hand, and you can wear my clothes, it’ll be so great – ”

Satoru starts stepping backwards, dragging you with him towards the bed as he moves.

You chuckle. “Thought about this a lot, have you?”

“Every minute of every day. Half of it I’ve been doing already.” He reaches the bed and turns you so your back is facing it. Pushes you gently to sit.

Satoru gets on his knees in front of you again, and your heart skips a beat. You’re starting to think it’s a good look on him. But his eyes are wicked, his grin feral, pheromones suffocating you in the next breath before he speaks.

“I know you want me too. Let me eat you out.” He’s already taking off his shirt, like he knows what it does to you when you see him shirtless.

Even in high school, that lean, swimmer’s body had left you flustered. Satoru’s always been like that, so effortlessly perfect looking, so unashamed at being seen. He grins at the feeling of your eyes on him, you think he’s even posing a little bit, the diva.

“Yeah, you like that? ‘Course you do. Best alpha around.” His gaze peeks up at you through lowered white lashes, “I’m something special, aren’t I? It’s all yours, baby. All for you.”

God, he’s so beautiful. You’re so weak for him. That hopeful smile makes your heart tremble. He’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, ethereal with his white hair and shimmering blue eyes and lean, muscled body, and it’s all for you, all yours, baby.

“Satoru…” For a moment, you truly can’t believe this is actually happening.

And then a large, warm hand finds its way into one of yours, threading between your fingers, an easy smile on his lips as he looks up at you. This is him, your best friend. Satoru. Your Satoru.

He nuzzles his head against your legs, digging underneath your pants with impatient fingers, “Say you want me, just say it. I’ll make you feel so good.”

“Why – why are you asking all the sudden?” Your will to resist him is dropping exponentially and you’re pretty sure he knows it. “Why now?”

“Why right now? I’ve been dying for you since my rut began, and finally got myself a dose of liquid courage.” He brings your hand up to his face, kissing over your knuckles. “But if you want to know why I want you… It just happened. Woke up one day wanting you and it never went away.”

“Wanting to fuck me, or wanting to date me?” You’d never thought Satoru would want you. It just seemed so impossible. “I’m a beta, it’s not like I can help your rut.”

Your hand is pressed against the front of his pants, unbearably hot, bulging outward. His fingers trapping your palm against it. It’s like you can feel him pulsing through the fabric. A knot big enough to break you.

There’s a part of you that’s thrilled at the idea, that makes you clench and think I could take it, makes you want to try and shove it inside, but you fantasized enough about Geto and his knot in high school to know. It would be sexy for about three seconds, and then it would just hurt.

Not the good kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that leaves you hyperventilating, snot and tears crying as you panic over the possibility of an embarrassing ER visit, wondering if you’ve actually ripped something down there, it hurts that much.

“It’s all for you, babe, whether or not you want it. It’ll always be for you.” Satoru purrs, leaning close enough that you can feel his breath on your face, “I’d take your hands over any omega’s pussy any day. Fuck, please, just spit on it, I could cum from that, you know?”

You giggle, bewildered and unreasonably turned on. “You sure you’re not still that stupid horny alpha boy from high school?”

Satoru leans forward so his chin rests on the edge of the bed, looking up at you from between your legs. You become explicitly aware of the wetness growing against your panties.

“Nope. Stupid horny high school me didn’t know shit. This is your modern Satoru Gojo, older and wiser and better than ever.” His eyes sparkle at you. Hand squeezing yours. “Let me? Please, please, let me?”

“Yeah,” the word leaves you like a sigh, from you and from Satoru, “You talk a big game, Satoru. Just try and make me cum.”

You don’t know why you make it out to be a challenge. It’s not easy to make you cum, but it’s not this impossible task either. He’s a clever boy, he can figure it out.

Step one he’s clearly got down perfectly, tugging your pants and panties down in a move so fast it tugs into your knees. You don’t have time to move for him before he lifts your legs for you, dragging your clothes entirely off in one swift, merciless movement.

Oh. You are wet. Your face heats up, and it doesn’t get better because then he grabs your thighs and tugs them apart, spreading you and pulling you closer to the edge of the bed, where his face is.

“Okay baby,” He whispers against your cunt, breath hot against you, “One last time. Show me how you touch yourself, show me what you like.”

One last time?

God, you should have known this idiot would need pointers. Even if it was a perfectly reasonable ask.

“Sure, since you need it so much.” You mutter, mostly at the heat on your cheeks, the wiggling feeling in your chest at the way his eyes roam over you, following your hand down between your legs.

Something hot and slimy meets your fingers as soon as they get close, and you nearly yelp –

“Just helping,” Satoru’s got that awful self-satisfied look on his face, and he licks your fingers again, like he wants to suck on them, “Get you nice and wet, first, should never go in dry baby.”

At least he had that much sense. It’s hampered by the fact that he’s talking to you like he knows shit.

“Excuse me, this is still my pussy,” Covering your mortification at touching yourself to an audience with words, you dip your fingers into your entrance just to wet them up some more.

“Not for long,” He grumbles. What? “Just show me how you like it.”

“I’m trying!” You press against your clit from the side, rubbing against it indirectly, leaning into the sensation until you feel pleasure pooling from each press. “No thanks to… the peanut gallery over here.”

Satoru does shut up for a moment, and you try not to think about how it’s because he’s staring intently at your sex, like he’s about to take notes on it or some shit.

Fuck, fuck, he’s so stupidly pretty. You can feel yourself getting wetter at the thought of those beautiful eyes on you. Curse your terrible fucking taste.

You focus on the presses, speeding them up just enough to not be too much, increasing how far you press in, just a little more, moving your hips to nudge yourself into it –

“Okay, enough.” A larger hand snatches your wrist, pulling it away. Your huff is nothing short of indignant and half-disbelieving. But then again, what had you been expecting? “I got it. No more touching yourself.”

The way he says it, blue eyes darkening, sounds a little more serious than it should. Voice a little lower. Scent dusting the air with something powerful, authoritative, distinctly alpha.

He doesn’t mean…

The thought is interrupted by the sensation of his mouth, warm and wide and open against you, so sudden that you cry out with the heat of it. Wet and welcoming.

His hair threads through your hands. It’s soft, so soft. Like feather down, fluttering at your fingertips. In the pale light pouring through the dorm window it shines like starlight. Something heavenly and pure and right there for you to hold.

Even when your hands fist in it, Satoru just moans, rumbling against your cunt as he lapped against it, drawing you dangerously close to the edge.

Those lips, those pretty, pouty lips, pressing tight against your clit while his tongue works over you. Smooth muscle laving over slick flesh, slipping through your folds.

A naughty dip into your entrance that makes you squeak, just exploring. Tracing along the edge, darting in to sample.

When he pulls away, mouth sinfully wet and shiny with strings of arousal, Satoru meets your eyes directly, deliberately. You watch him raise his two index fingers to his lips, open that awful, sultry mouth, and stick them both in.

The way he does it, tongue hanging out and pooling saliva, then laving it over his fingers, you almost expect him to start moaning like a pornstar.

He’s too dumb to do that, though, and instead closes his mouth around his fingers, sucking on them, and pulling them out with an exaggerated pop!

Yeah, that’s your Satoru. Dumbass. You’re horny and amused, and a little bit mad at yourself for it, too.

He catches it when you roll your eyes at him, and sneaks his warm, wet fingertips right up into your entrance while he latches his mouth onto your clit.

The fingers slide in almost too easily, but his are long. It doesn’t take him long to start curling them, dragging them along your walls inside until that, combined with his suckling at your clit, has you whimpering breathlessly, grasping his hair for dear life – it only makes him moan more, and that only makes sparks of pleasure dance up your already tight, throbbing core.

And it’s annoying, so annoying and so hot and unbearably fucking sexy how he looks up at you right when you’re at the edge, like he knows.

Free hand tightening on your thigh like he’s got to keep you from running away from him, pressing his tongue into your clit.

Rubbing it tightly like he fucking knows exactly how hard it sends you spiraling, panting and wide-eyed as you stare down at the beautiful man eating you out like you’re his last meal ever.

You can barely breathe for the way it takes you, hard and fast, flooding you all at once. Blood soaring with every heartbeat, pressure unfurled into ecstatic currents that ripple out from your core, through your whole body.

Satoru suckles on your clit gently, somehow in perfect time with the waves of pleasure that rush over you, making each one crest just a little bit higher than it should.

He never takes his eyes away from yours. He stays like that, softening, letting up as your climax abates and your clit starts to tingle, oversensitive.

Of course, when he pulls away, he looks invariably pleased with himself. You’re not going to say this out loud (regrettably, it looks like he knows anyways, somehow, he just knows this shit about you) but he absolutely should be.

It was a rush that went through your whole body. You felt like you were flying, breezing freely through the air with Satoru keeping you light.

“What, you want a medal?” It doesn’t have much bite to it with your voice all low and breathy and sated. Satoru just grins.

You move to lay back, but Satoru catches you, straddling you on his knees so he’s not sitting on you, pulling you forward against him. The bulge at the front of his pants rubbing up against your abdomen.

“If you’re offering a reward for my skills, I know just the thing~” Satoru sings.

Utterly cheeky of him, to spring this on you while you’re still in the afterglow. “Satoru...”

"Can I put it in? Please please let me put it on, I promise I'll be so good – "

You smack him upside the head, even though his whimper makes you feel both guilty and horny. Extremely horny, actually. He looks really cute, pouting like that, lips pursed like you really hurt him oh so bad. Like a dog that’s been scolded for something it doesn’t understand.

And maybe he is, with the rut in his brain. Stupid and horny and helpless to refuse you because of it, filled with nothing but the need to please you – every thought flowing through your head starts trickling between your thighs.

"No fucking way Satoru, you know I'm not built for that."

Then he whines, wide eyes looking up at you pleadingly, and you actually feel yourself dripping, clenching, ready for him again when you just came moments ago. Cunt aching for the warmth of him.

God, leave it to Satoru to turn you on so much your dumb ass is willing to even entertain the idea of knot training. He’s in rut. You’re just horny and too dumb to have learned your lesson about pining for alphas in high school.

"Not this time. I need practice." You feel yourself flushing even though it's your own suggestion.

He grins, all teeth and hunger. Eyes bright with something that makes your heart flutter.

"Not this time,” he agrees, “I'll train you. Stretch you nice and slow. Over and over and over again until you can take it without hurting. I’ll train you until you are made for it, made for me, won’t put it in until you’re begging. My omega.”

When did you say he would be training you? And why do his words send liquid fire running through your core?

“Not an omega, Satoru.”

“You’ll be mine.” Triumph laces his voice, “I’ll treat you so nice, I’ll make you feel so good, you’ll never want any knot but mine.”

Now he’s just going full alpha brain, “I didn’t want any knots in the first place!”

“You’ll want mine.” He says it with an utter confidence only Satoru Gojo can possess, “You’ll love it. I’ll make you love it. I’ll be so good for you, I’ll be the best alpha, you’ll never have to make yourself cum again.”

And god, good god, how can he go from puppy dog eyes to proud alpha crowing in the blink of an eye? You just told him you didn’t want his knot! And you only half meant it! God!

“We’ll see about that,” Grumpy, flushed, that’s all you manage, and you’re not even that upset about it.

He rubs up against you like a cat, purring, “I’ll make it good for you, baby, I’ll take care of you.”

Then you should take care of him, this time.

“Go get your toy, Satoru.” You tell him like you’re telling a dog to go fetch.

And he does, all eager and grinning as he darts towards a shelf, tugging a toy out of the drawer. It’s literally huge, enough that you might not be able to encircle it with two hands.

“Not as good as you,” He whines as he grabs the lube. You roll your eyes because he’s had none of you yet, “Wouldn’t be as good as you, any of you. You’ll use it on me yourself, at least, right?”

“Yeah, I’m using it on you, dumbass,” You fix him with a look, and he holds your gaze with a pout, “And get used to the idea.” God, you’re flushed again, this is all just so… eugh. “…Cause… you know. We’ll have to go through a lot of knot toys with me, so…”

There’s a spring in his step all the sudden, thrilled at the thought. Brightening as soon as you say “Yeah” – God, was Satoru always this easy?

He lays the toy on your lap like he really is a dog going to fetch, the awful terrible idea you were thinking of comes into shape.

It’s so embarrassing, just the thought makes you feel so… presumptuous, like you’re assuming so much about something you barely understand.

But he wants you. He said he wants you. So you do it.

Flushed, reaching between your legs (the audacity of him to whine and try to tug your hand away), you gather up your own slick and cum and other fluids, cupping them in your fingers.

Satoru’s eyes dilate, face blank with his staggered breath, as he watches you smear it all over the toy, particularly at the entrance. You squirt in a portion of the lubricant, too, reaching in and spreading it with your other hand. This should feel gross. This is super gross.

You’re so fucking wet. You could put even more on it. But something tells you Satoru would prefer that elsewhere.

“Come on, then. You bragged about it so much.” You look at him, eyes half-lidded, lips curled upwards as you loom over the fleshlight. “Show me the goods, alpha.”

With a fast breath he nearly rips his pants and boxers off, cock springing free of its confines and – oh. Oh. Yeah, you were definitely not getting that inside you tonight, not in any universe. But the thought of it makes your thighs clench reflexively.

It’s a pretty cock, too. All red and flushed, dripping and swollen at the tip. Long, unreasonably so, even with the heavy knot at the base. And this is before it’s expanded.

No wonder the toy’s so big.

You scoot back on the bed, legs spread wide, and you pat between them. Satoru’s taller than you, bigger than you, and you quickly realize this isn’t going to work with you sitting behind him, even if he wriggles happily when his chest presses to your back.

(You file this information to use against him one day, though. Satoru would probably melt if you let him be the little spoon.)

Spinning, you move so that you’re straddling his lap. Satoru seamlessly scoots back, giving you enough space to rest yourself on his thighs and trap his cock between the two of you.

You look at his (unfairly pretty) face. Back down at his dick. At his face again, where he’s smiling an awful, conspiratory sort of smile. All but vibrating with excitement.

When you spit on his dick he moans like he nearly is going to cum, and your cunt clenches at the sound. He wasn’t joking, was he?

Your hand darts down between your legs, and Satoru’s eyes darken at the sight, growling. The same hand quickly wraps around his cock, slick with your arousal. Satoru gives a shuddering gasp at the sensation, hips jerking into it. Everything he does has you getting wetter, it’s effortless for him.

And he knows it, too, smells it, because even while he’s catching his breath he gives you that terrible charming smirk that has you burning in the pit of your stomach. So annoying. Your hand tightens and he makes the most pitiful whimper.

You’re hit with the sudden and very real desire to take a bite out of him.

Pretty boy. Pretty boy, all for you, naked and bare in front of you, aching and whining for you to do with him as you please. You think you even see him drooling a little.

You take his lips instead, face tilted upwards as you press your mouth into his, like you can drink him up if you stick your tongue far enough into his mouth.

He’s sweet, because of course he is. A little strawberry, the faintest touch of alcohol.

Your teeth close on his lips, tender, soft, yielding. It’s so easy just to clench down, hard, while your hand pumps his cock some more, and it throbs, violently, as the taste of blood fills your mouth. He moans into it, tongue sliding, dancing against yours like he wants to lick you up.

He’s panting, still, when you pull away. Lips red and swollen and bleeding.

Satoru grins at you, bent over, eyes glittering. Wiping blood from the corner of his lovely mouth.

 It’s not enough to bite him. You want to devour him whole. You want him to be yours. You want to see him cum.

“Say my name.”

You hear it.

You fit the toy on top of him, and his hands dart towards you, grasp you with deceptive firmness, like you’re all that can anchor him. His nostrils flare as he slides into the toy lubed up with your own fluids, taking in the scent of you.

He’s probably smelling how wet you are. You slam it down, all the way to the knot, to wipe that stupid smirk on his face.

It works. Now his eyes are wide with shock, mouth gaping open, a noise like a squeak emerging from him as he squeezes his eyes tight, hips squirming uselessly to fit more of himself in.

Delight, wicked and thrilling, lances through your chest at the sight of him. Face flushed, eyes squeezing as he fights to keep them from closing, lips in a wide “O” like some kind of pornstar. God, he’s just too fucking hot.

Without thinking you bring your other hand to his lips, and Satoru closes his mouth around your wet fingers and moans. His half-shut eyes flutter at you, like he’s trying to tease you. Tongue threading between your fingers, cheeks going hollow as he sucks them clean.

His hips thrust up, eager, and he whimpers again. “Say it again.”

Your name, again, warbled around the fingers in his mouth as you twist the toy around him. You press it against his knot just for a moment.

“This is for me, you said?” You pull your fingers away, pull the toy up, and he whines at the absence, like the drama king he is, “You’re hard just for me? A beta?”

When he opens that unthinkably sexy, sultry mouth of his, you slam it back down again. It hits his knot and you bear down, “Ah – hahhh – ahhh~”, and god, your heart is racing and he’s only halfway in.

“Fuck,” He sobs, “Fuck, yes, please – ”

It’s hard to pull it up after that, his knot swelling and throbbing and Satoru squirming like some kind of desperate whore. Clawing at your shoulders as you pull the toy up again.

He keens when your hands leave him, only to brighten visibly as you tug your shirt and bra off. Oh, he’s lost all coherence but he can still cheerfully ogle you, huh?

One of his hands reaches for your breast, mindlessly squeezing. It’s so large he can hold it in his entire hand, and you watch his eyes dilate as he tries to buck up for more stimulation.

You reach back, pumping him again, and you keep pressing it down against his knot, shoving it a little further each time. His words are senseless, mumbles and mutterings, and his eyes don’t leave your body for a moment, like he’s drinking you in.

When you reach the widest part of his knot he actively wails, seizing you at the waist and digging his nails into you, and it burns like hot lines of pleasure over your skin. He’s shuddering now, all lean muscle and powerful form turned to a shivering mess before you, for you.

“Just a little more,” You breathe, “Almost there, baby. You’re gorgeous, so fucking beautiful,” a heavy SHOVE and Satoru cries out as his knot finally slips in.

The breath he lets out is pure relief and yearning tied in one. It’s harder to push down now with him lodged in it. His hands loosen around you, gaze going unfocused, and he mumbles something you can’t quite make out. His hands paw at you, like a blind man groping in the dark.

He’s really, really pretty like this. Needy, teary-eyed, desperate like a dog.

While you work the toy in short strokes, your other hand reaches up to his well sculpted chest, to the supple flesh of his pecs where you dig your nails into, just to hear him whine. To watch a streak of red mark where you draw your nails across him.

When you scratch across his nipple he whimpers again, hips shuddering so much it’s hard to keep the toy on him. His face flushes even harder, eyes trembling, grasping at you with quivering hands.

His abs, perfect like the rest of him, tighten, clenching up. His thighs clench up, too, and you see him actually thrust up into the toy, eyes wild with need. Satoru finally gets a grip on you, and he leans in, too, shoving his face into your neck.

It takes you a moment, pumping to toy to make sure he doesn’t lose his peak, for you to realize he’s smelling you. Taking long, deep breaths of your scent, shuddering like a man who’s found his paradise.

You lean your head to the side, just a little, just to meet his eyes. He looks up at you, he smells you; enraptured, delighted, desperately aroused by the sight of him.

“Say my name,” You beg him, “Satoru, say my – ”

He cums with a cry of it, a wail, and you realize what he’d been mumbling before. Shaking in your arms.

There’s something feral in your chest, something about him in this state that drives you absolutely mad. You keep pumping the toy, even just a little bit, hard friction against his swollen knot, the cum that must be hot and packed against him now.

He wheezes, delirious, and you think for a moment he sounds like a dog toy. You think you want to make him your dog toy. Squeaking while you squeeze him, with your hands, your mouth, your cunt.

He’s too pretty like this, too perfect. All yours, he’d said, and now he’s crying on your shoulders, shuddering with the strength of his climax.

“My alpha,” You coo, breathless, “Only for me.”

Satoru nods dumbly, pretty lips wedged apart, eyes bleary. Pressing a kiss to your neck, licking mindlessly at it. His skin is hot, like all the rest of him, flushed from his release.

You want to give him more. You want to mess him up. You want to fuck him up, take a bite out of him for everyone so everyone sees a piece missing, a piece that belongs only to you. You want to see him cry.

So you pull away to get a better look, but he clings to you. When you push him it feels like trying to tear your own heart out, so you let him kiss and suck against you until he’s kissing up to your lips.

Pretty white lashes fluttering while he nips at your lips, gentle as a kitten with tearstained cheeks.

Then he pulls back on his own and grins at you, so cocky you forget he cried at all.

The toy can’t come off him, locked where it is until the knot goes down, but that doesn’t seem to stop him in the slightest.

“I can smell you,” He pants, “I can smell it. You’re ready for me? Got so turned on by fucking me with that toy, huh?”

There’s heat in his eyes, a wicked smile tracing at his lips, but you meet his gaze with your own fire. “So turned on. You looked so pathetic and pretty, whining and bucking into that toy like a desperate whore. If you’d moaned any sluttier, Satoru, I would have creamed my panties.”

His laugh is almost a howl, “Hahaha! Yeah! Just for you, baby.” He leans in to steal a kiss, “A slut for you. Let me show you just how slutty I can be, I can fuck you so so good baby.”

Your laugh is cut off by his fingers prodding at your mouth, “Spare some spit for your slut, yeah?”

The look you give him, like you’re telling him off while trying not to laugh, sends a shudder of emotion through him that you can’t identify.

You use the moment to open your mouth wide, letting your tongue loll out. Transfixed blue eyes follow your tongue dragging up his fingertips, how you drool on them, moving down and then drawing it up again to wet them.

Satoru makes a little noise and twitches and you know the toy has just milked another little squirt of cum out of him. Maybe knots are kinda cute.

And then he looks back into your eyes. Quick as a whip, closes his mouth around your fingertips, rolling his eyes back with an exaggerated moan, and he’s so fucking stupid and you’re so turned on you actually feel yourself throbbing. Your hands dart down to feel it.

Well, you’d known you were wet, but this was just embarrassing. Worse, since he could smell it.

 “I’ve got you. Let me have you, I’ve got you. Leave it to your alpha.”

“Really big words from a guy who was crying when I pumped him with a fleshlight.”

Satoru doesn’t balk, he only grins. With teeth. “You bet I did, baby. Fucked me so good,” he purrs, rubbing up against you again, moving you so you’re sitting on the bed once more, “And I got you all hot and bothered, didn’t I? So let me take care of that for you.”

God, he really knows no shame at all. No wonder he didn’t bother to smother his moans. He knew what they did to you. He always knew what he did to you.

Except, you suppose, with the pheromones that are telling you right now to lie down and let him eat you into oblivion.

Your fingers draw up to your clit, gently pulsing again at the hungry look he’s giving you.

He bats your hands away from your cunt, “I told you I’d take care of you. Spoil you so good. You’ll never touch what’s mine again.”

“What’s yours?”

“You are, baby, all of you. Shouldn’t touch my cunt unless I say you can, that’s my job. Don’t tell me you think I can’t make you feel good?” His eyes sparkle in challenge, teeth bared in a grin.

That’s like, an under-negotiated kink or something. He totally doesn’t own you. He definitely can’t tell you not to touch yourself.

God, it’s such a fucking turn on. Every word has your cunt throbbing harder. It’s probably just dirty talk. Right?

“What,” You drawl, but your breaths are getting shorter as his fingers find their way inside you again, “Can you take responsibility for that, huh, Satoru?”

“I’ve never wanted to take responsibility for anything more in my life.” His fingers delve deeper, thumb rubbing over your clit.

You choke out a laugh, legs quivering. “Not a high bar.”

“It’s okay,” He steals another kiss before he falls off the bed and onto his knees again for you, “I told you, I can do it. You don’t need to touch yourself ever again. I’ll do it all. You shouldn’t have to rely on anyone but your alpha.”

“Ah,” Fuck, you really can’t speak at all, but – but every word is turning you on more, pulsing, pulsing, blood flowing down to the throbbing mess between your legs, “Ah – f-fuck! You don’t mean that, Satoru.”

Another breath, and then you continue, “What, are you really going to drop everything just to – to get between my legs – whenever I want to cum?”

Satoru groans like a broken man. “Please.”

His thumb is replaced on your clit with his tongue, just the right heat and slickness you were craving. Every lap sends your tender nerve endings throbbing. Thighs shaking. Close now.

“If I – if I ever want to touch myself, I just call you, you’ll come racing? Make use of that pretty face – hng, whenever I want? If I ever want to shut you up, I just sneak my hands beneath my panties – ”

The sound that comes from him sounds like it could be a sob, his hands wrap around your legs, seizing them in place as he abandons everything that’s not sucking your soul out through your clit, and fuck, fuck, how is he so perfect at this –

It comes, knocking the breath out of you, leaving you gasping. The heavy tug between your legs finally overwhelming your senses until everything just feels so good.

You reach out, groping numbly until you feel his soft hair in your hands, no strength left to squeeze.

Heat rocks through you, racing up your spine, swelling and swelling until you’re just warm everywhere, limbs tingling with a pleasant, blissful sort of numbness.

A hand settles over yours, large, heavy, and unbearably tender.

Every breath is orgasmic on its own, air flowing through you, heat radiating outwards until you feel it dissipate away gently.

Satoru’s moved you, slid you to lay on the bed while he sits over you. You don’t know when he did that, didn’t feel it.

It doesn’t matter. His hand threads through yours, and you watch him raise it up to kiss it again, lashes fluttering, lips still wet with your cum. There’s this look on his face, reverent and desperate, like he still can’t believe he’s gotten this lucky.

Finally, you see the toy slipping off, and with it, a gush of cum, sticky and trailing from his wet, stinging cock. He hisses at the exposure to open air. You’d honestly just tell him to put it in you if you weren’t worried he’d knot you in his sleep.  

Satoru settles beside you, arms wrapped around your form, face buried in your neck.

“Love you.” You feel it more than you hear it, mouthed against your neck, “Love you so much.” A drop of wetness on your throat. “Love you, love you, love you… never leave me, please, never… love you so much.”

His fangs glance over your throat, where no mark they leave will ever stick.

Your heart spills out of your chest a little, through your mouth.

“I love you, Satoru,” You murmur, “I’m a beta, I can’t give you what an omega can, I…” Old wounds, all healed over and aching. “But I’ll give you what I can. If you want it.”

Arms squeezing you. His teeth turn into a kiss, up, up, up your jawline until he’s face to face with you.

“I want it,” He says, eyes shimmering as he leans in to claim your lips. “I’ll always want it. Always you.”

-

Hours ago

“So are you guy still friends?” Suguru asks, sipping his beer, “You were such a bitch about them in high school. I almost thought you wanted to date them, but with them being a beta and all…”

Satoru groans. “Don’t remind me. I mean, I get how I was in high school, but they liked you, didn’t they? So they’re definitely into alphas.”

“They were. Maybe we permanently turned them off,” he snickers, drawing another groan from Satoru, “What changed, anyways? Why do you want to get with them now?”

“I dunno, man.” Gojo sips at his drink. “It was like one day I was walking them to campus, and they were showing me this picture of a white cat with blue eyes. And they were smiling while they said It’s you, Satoru! and I was about to tell them to shut up but my chest just… exploded.”

“No way. That’s what got to you?” A smile plays on Suguru’s lips, “Do you still have the picture?”

 “Shut uuuup. Anyways, I thought about it later and I thought, I want to walk with them every morning for the rest of my life. I want to never go a day without talking to them, or hanging out with them. Want to crawl in their silly little beta brain and live there rent free for the rest of my days.”

Satoru never paid rent to live in anyone’s head, and he lived in everyone’s. “Who’s to say you don’t already?”

“Not like I want to. I want them to think about me all the time, like I think about them. I want them to feel like they’ll die if they don’t see me every day."

His eyes shine with something dark and blue. "I want them to be all mine and no one else’s. I want them to think of me whenever they want something, come to me for everything.”

It’s as good as a love confession, coming from an alpha. Satoru doesn’t have to say it – Suguru knows what it means.

“So… have you told them?”

He startles when Satoru bangs his head on the table. “I wish! It’s like there’s nothing I can do to get them to look at me!”

"So... you haven't said anything, and you're just complaining that they aren't throwing themselves into your arms?"

"Exactly!" Satoru huffs, "I can tell I've gotten to them a little recently, too! We spend like, every waking moment together, and they let me. Why won't they just ask me out already? It's been months, I don't want to spend another rut alone!"

That actually is impressive, coming from Satoru. Back in high school, he would never spend his rut alone, until he and Suguru got close.

Suguru’s chuckle is nothing short of sinister, “God, you’re such a whiny bitch. Can’t believe you didn’t present as an omega.”

“Oh, fuck off.” He snarls, taking another swig of his fruity cocktail. Suguru wonders idly if he knows how much alcohol is in that.

“Sometimes I honestly thought you liked them back in high school, you were so damn clingy all the time. Total omega behavior. I would scent them for five seconds and you’d throw a total fit.”

The glare, the sudden sharp spike of angry alpha pheromones catches Suguru off guard. “You didn’t mean it, though! They had feelings for you and you knew it, and you didn’t like them back! You think I’m just gonna let you fuck around with my friend like that?”

“Hey, hey,” He shakes his head, like that can get the scent out of his nose. “I would’ve dated them, you know, treated them nice. They were cool, I would have given it a shot with them even if they were a beta. But they were so worried about your feelings, they couldn’t even confess.”

“Would’ve, should’ve, could’ve,” Satoru mumbles into his fruity drink, slumping forwards. “They would always side with you in arguments, too.”

“That was because you were an idiot. Godzilla couldn’t take on an Evangelion in a fight and you know it.”

“Dude, the cable! Literally all he’d have to do is cut the cable! I said this a million times! They were crushing on you, that’s why they said you were right.” His nose crinkles in that unbearably cute way. “The fuck was so great about you anyways? I’m way prettier.”

That makes Suguru laugh out loud. Satoru would know. “I honestly couldn’t tell you, Satoru. You’re pretty even when you sulk.”

“Shut up, asshole. You didn’t deserve them, anyways.”

“Yeah,” He sighs, “I guess I didn’t. You didn’t, either, in case you were wondering.”

“Didn’t fuckin’ ask.” Satoru sounds so pouty that he laughs again.

He gives Satoru’s shoulder a good-hearted slap, drawing out a growl from his friend. “We were a pair of fucking jerks back then, you know that. They should’ve ditched our dumb asses the week we presented.”

“You were a jerk. I never led them on, and it’s not like they noticed the scenting!”

“Heh. God, we got away with so much shit because they were a beta and didn’t know what was going on. Got into a pissing contest over a beta we didn’t even want to fuck.” Suguru sighs with a smile, leaning an arm on the bar. “I guess they were just that good of a friend, huh.”

Satoru bites his lip, resting his face on his crossed arms, laid over the table. “Yeah. The best. The one person I never wanted to lose, no matter what. I was so pissed off that you were stealing their attention when you didn’t even like them back.”

“Yeah. I know why you didn’t follow me when I left.”

Satoru snorts. “Don’t sound so morose. I was upfront with my plans from the beginning, you were the one who chose another path.”

“I thought we were friends, though?” A smile plays over Suguru’s lips. Nostalgic.

“So did they. You ditched them, too.” He glares at Suguru out of the corner of his eyes. “Sure, they were too cowardly to confess to you, but you could’ve said something. You never even told them you could smell it when you turned them on.”

“Ha! Neither did you.”

“Why the fuck would I? That shit pissed me off. You’re not that hot.”

Suguru grins at him, “I’m not? You know, I can smell it when you get hard, too – ”

“Oh, fuck off!”

“If it wasn’t for me, then it must have been for them.”

Surugu knows damn well how many times Satoru got a boner because of him. It gets Satoru all cute and irritable.

“Go fuck yourself, Suguru. You can change the subject all you want, but you still ditched both of us. You think I should’ve ditched them along with you?”

He looks down, at his almost-empty beer. “You think they wouldn’t have followed you, if you followed me?”

Neither of them says anything for a moment. Satoru takes one last drinkof his fruity cocktail. His cheeks are flushed a faint pink; painfully attractive, even now. Prettiest alpha he’d ever seen.

He can’t even deny you deserve an alpha like him.

Beautiful, confident, loyal Satoru, who adored Suguru all throughout high school, but wouldn’t leave you for him.

Satoru who cared way more about protecting your feelings than acting on his own. You who cared more about Satoru’s feelings than your crush.

That’s not the kind of friendship you can get just by being similar, by understanding each other. It’s something you raise by hand. Feed it, shelter it, tolerate it when it throws a fit. Learn with it, grow with it, care for it even when it’s shitty. There’s married couples who don’t try that hard.

If friendship is love, then you and Satoru had been in love for years, and Suguru was just the best friend.

“I texted them.” Satoru blurted out. “They’re picking me up tonight.”

“Oh?” Suguru gives him a sly glance. “You telling me after all these years, you’re finally going to shoot your damn shot?”

A scoff. “Nah. I mean – I told you. I really didn’t have that sort of feeling for them back then.”

“Oh, I know.” He rolls his eyes, “But I figured it was going to end like this when you didn’t follow me. If you weren’t willing to leave them for me, then who would you leave them for?”

“Cut the shit, Suguru. If you love someone you don’t make them choose. Whatever you felt for me, your plans for the future were more important than that.”

Suguru stares at his hands. “Why do you think I didn’t ask you?”

Satoru looks away.

They both know why he didn’t ask.

“Still… you’re not going to shoot your shot?”

The blush on Satoru’s cheeks seems a little redder.

His heart aches, because once upon a time, that look was for him. Little stolen moments in locker rooms or during movie nights. A ghost of a heart that was once his.

“I dunno, man. They’re a beta, and I think our bullshit from high school still has them kinda fucked up. Like, they probably think I’m only into omegas.”

Suguru snickers. “You gotta admit, it’s pretty fucking funny. You’ve crushed on everyone except omegas.”

“It’s not like that! You and them just happened to be an alpha and a beta!” Satoru’s words are impassioned – like they get when he’s tipsy, “I just – I just liked you. And now I just like them. Doesn’t matter what they are.”

Three years later, he finally has a confession. It’s a liked rather than like, but at least he’s got the words out of Satoru’s mouth.

You’ll get more than that, he knows. Satoru would move heaven and earth for you.

You’ll get a confession and more, a lot more than a few stolen kisses or heavy petting session here and there, as soon as Satoru’s finished being a huge pussy.

Suguru gets up, glancing at his friend slumped over the counter. Satoru is too busy groaning to see the wistful look on his face, but he does hear his parting words.

“Good luck, Satoru.”

-

You settle into his arms. Warm, fuzzy, sated. Satoru wraps his arms and legs around you like some kind of koala.

He nestles your head under his chin, pulling you tight against him so you can feel his purrs rumbling against you, light and soothing.

The air is full of contentment, the scent of an alpha pleased and purring, every breath warming you down to the bones – even if his body pressed against you does a good enough job of that.

“Mmm…” It’s hard to think, hard to form any words when all you want to do is relax into blissful slumber, “Satoru?”

Your answer is a squeeze, a moment of tightness that leaves you breathless, just for a little instant. No ability to move at all, and even less will to. You’d laugh, if you had the breath for it.

Instead, you hum, “You smell good.”

He purrs harder at that, happy pheromones, a compliment any alpha would be pleased with. Breathing deeply against you, like he wants to take you directly into his bloodstream.

And then, for a moment, he pauses.

“Oh… Hey,” Satoru asks lazily as he snuggles into you, “How did you know about the scarf and the sock?”

He’s going to remind you of how gross and needy he was while you’re all sticky and tired and stuck in bed with you? Typical Satoru.

“Mmmh.” It’s hard to talk, warm and cozy as you are, all nestled against him, “You reek. Probably because of your rut, too… could smell your cum a mile away.”

He hums in acceptance, and settles against you, ready to doze off.

For a moment, he’s silent, leaving the both of you to drift peacefully –

“EEEEHHH??”

[thefiery-phoenix]

YANDERE BAKUGOU FAMILY HEADCANNONS (Platonic)

There would be NO DOUBT that they would ALL be HELLA OVERPROTECTIVE about you 

I mean, Masaru would be kinda chill actually compared to Mitsuki and Katsuki. He won't freak TF out if you talk to other people and have fun with your friends and he's the most lenient one in the family and he doesn't give a damn what you wear. He likes seeing you in all sorts of clothing and thinks his darling little daughter looks good in whatever she wears and won't force you to do anything 

But when it comes to the question of sleepovers and going to other people's houses WITHOUT EITHER one of the Bakugou's to accompany you is a big no go. They're worried that something might happen to you if you step out of the house and they half wish you'll stop trying to be apro hero. Why be a hero and put your life at risk while you have the big strong Ground Zero as your brother and 2 parents who are perfectly capable of protecting the youngest Bakugou?

Mitsuki, on the other hand will treat you like a child along with Katsuki. Everyone loves spoiling the shit outta you and Mitsuki likes dressing you up in cutesy cutesy little outfits. Mitsuki however will NEVER allow you to break rules like disobeying her when she says no to something and sneaking off with your friends. She simply will NOT tolerate rule breaking and even if you DO manage to sneak around her back, your brother Katsuki will always be there to 'get you on the right track' even if he has to use his quirk on you. They just want what's best for you after all

They are self aware yanderes and their relationship towards you is unhealthy and delusional and they KNOW it but they have to protect you from the horrors of the world. If you used to attend the UA, you bet Katsuki had something to do with why your mom suddenly wanted you to drop out and take a break for sometime and soon that 'break' turned into a never ending relaxing vacation at your home for you. You won't be working anytime soon while they're around that's for sure and while Masaru talks to you, Katsuki and Mitsuki will be busy preparing food for you guys to eat. They don't want you going in the kitchen, what if you accidentally hurt yourself or boil or burn yourself?

They'll love cuddling with you and making you feel safe and comfortable in their presence. They have NEVER hit you till date and never will either. And WHO expects parents to starve their own kids? Cuz, they aren't those types of parents

For punishments, they'll just restrict your usage of your favorite items but they won't leave you isolated or without food and water. They aren't THAT heartless psychopaths 

Katsuki is the world's MOST short tempered brother one can have and you BET he's gonna cling to you 24/7 and tell on you to your parents what you both did the entire day (This boi should come with a blabbermouth and a tattletale warning label). You can hate him all you want for it but he just wants what's best for his youngest sibling. He loves and cares about you too much and he won't cuss around you so much either since he actually rather enjoys your innocence. His blood will BOIL when you talk to other people ESPECIALLY other GUYS and he'll obviously threaten to blow them up, even if you talk to Kirishima

 Being in relationships is COMPELTELY off the table for you. They will NEVER allow you to date and if you are in a relationship in secret, oh... what a shocker, that scumbag broke up with you the next day? Well, you can BET your allowances your OWN family was behind it but they'll just comfort you as they get you and give you whatever you want

The house will be full of baby pictures of you and Katsuki and you all as a happy family. They'll have guests over a few times but they can't ever let someone try taking you away from them so they'll try limiting the time of the guest's stay in their household instead of maniacally killing them. They won't let pro heroes enter their house either and will come up with INFINITE excuses as to why they can't come in. They just don't want to lose you 

Just let them take care of you and everything will be all right after all, family ALWAYS knows what's best for you...

''Come on little firecracker, you'll look cute and adorable in that dress and I think we should CERTAINLY put up some pictures of the wall after this. What do you think Masaru?''

''Sure, our little angel looks nice in whatever they wear''

"Tch... you don't look THAT bad firefly..."

[byers-bowlcut]

Mike’s love for El being platonic, and not romantic, and realizing it over the course of season 3 reconciles nearly every contradiction with his behaviour.

He stands like a gay scarecrow as she kisses him in front of Will’s closet. That's him realizing that when he blurted out "I love her and I can't lose her again!" he meant it platonically. But her saying "ily too” WAS CLEARLY NOT PLATONIC, so now he’s left very confused (If he was simply shocked by the fact that she overheard him, he would’ve been surprised initially, and then kissed her back, and been all emotional and happy. But he wasnt.) 

In fact he probably realized his heart fluttered when Will said “not possible” to him in the scene literally 1 minute prior, but NOT when his gf was attempting to make out with him? That’s clearly a problem! lol

This leads flawlessly into season 4.

Mike has apparently been refusing to even write the word 'love’ in his letters for 6 whole months. Why? Cause he didn't want them to look like love letters.

Meanwhile, he’s jealous of Will painting something for a girl. So he argues with Will about growing apart.

El argues with him about not saying ily. In the fight, he deflects romantic connotations with words like “care” and superhero idolization that he seems suuuper into this season.

He NODS when Will says “What if they don’t like the truth?”. That’s him thinking “Yeah, El won’t like the truth that I don't return her romantic feelings.”

In the van, he says their meeting was dumb luck and anyone could've been there for her that night. That’s hinting that he was just being a decent human. Not that it was a fated love at first sight meeting.

Then Will says, “You’re afraid of losing her”. And THAT is the true issue here.

This whole concept of ‘losing El’ (be it in relationship/daily life, or in death), is scary to Mike, because of what he went through seasons 1-2. At 12 years old, he saw another kid that he developed a bond with, die right in front of his freaking eyes. But they didn’t have a body or anything. So Mike kept getting signs and intuitive feelings that she was still alive. So he questioned his own sanity. For a WHOLE YEAR. Can you imagine how traumatic that is? And then for a kid that age?? That’s exactly why he develops an unhealthy codependency with her in Season 3. And we see it have a negative impact on the unity of the party, and on Will.

But a traumatic response doesn’t change the fact that Season 3 transitions us through the party’s puberty and growth into teenage hood. 

And because of said puberty, Mike starts to realize what actual attraction towards someone is, or in this case… isnt.

Like if we think about the first two seasons, for a 12-13 year old living in that type of society, era, and a picture perfect white suburban American family, it would’ve been really really hard to figure it out back then! Like simply becoming very close friends with the opposite gender caused everyone (cough Nancy cough Lucas) to tell him that “ooooh you must like her”. So yeah, he thinks “I really must like her”. Because he does! He just can’t separate it from actual romantic attraction at that point due to age, and strong heteronormative standards, and no role models like Jonathan telling him “it’s okay to stray from the norm bro”. So of course he acts on it? That’s the NORM. He’s like, “You’re supposed to take a girl you like to the ball”, “We're supposed like girls now”, “This is what growing up means”, “This what old people do”. Like HELLO? Mike says stuff similar to that constantly. Dustin and Lucas do not. So yeah, it can be easily be read as heteronormativity. Not romantic attraction!

And so despite wanting to spend every day in the summer with El because of copious amounts of trauma from S1-2, he can’t continue believing its romantic attraction when his hormones say otherwise. 

Like just look at their kissing scenes S3-4:

Seasons 3 starts with him pulling her hands OFF of him when kissing. He’s voluntarily kissing her instead of spending time with his friends, cause he thinks that’s what he’s supposed to do as he’s “not a kid anymore!”, yet he’s evidently not even enjoying it if he’s taking her hands off lol. Then by the end of the season he doesn’t even kiss back, and has his eyes wide open. Then six months later, when he’s way more self aware of his own feelings, this dude wears SUNGLASSES to the airport. We (and all the characters there) can’t even see his true expression when kissing her. And what’s more, he puts the bouquet of flowers between their bodies, to SEPARATE FASTER. When he could’ve very easily put that hand/arm around her, not between them (that's what he does with his other hand holding the bags).  

And all of this: all this repression, the contradictions, the unsaid things... it all culminates to the monologue. Will told Mike in the van that El really needed him. And then Will reminds him of this again when El is in the piggyback, cause Will is annoying! (jokes lol). So of course, all rationality, all of Mike's realizations or progression, goes out the window. After all, he is THE HEART. He is needed by her. He can’t go through what he went through in season 1-2 again! It doesn’t matter if it’s not totally true. He needs to tell her what she wants to hear so she won’t DIE. The stakes are extremely high. So he delivers. He even takes all his knowledge of mediocre romance stories, and blurts out that it was love at first sight. It's silly to us the audience, cause if you actually go back and watch season 1 you can see that it's not even fucking true. 

So why would he lie? Well because he doesn’t KNOW when he fell in love with El. Because he never fell in love with her. So yeah. It’s PLATONIC with a capital P.

(And to add a cherry on top, he gives his sister’s ring to her jfc) 

[bethanydelleman]

I want to tell you about my favourite fairy tale as a kid that I wish got a real adaptation (Frozen was supposed to be but they changed it). It's called The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson.

Summary (because this is a long one): There are two kids, Kay and Gerda. They live across from each other, they are extremely close and very cute friends. Then suddenly, Kay gets a shard of demon mirror in his eye and it makes him a massive jerk. Like just the worst. He is then kidnapped by the Snow Queen who kisses him on the forehead so he can't feel cold.

Gerda thinks he's dead, but when she finds out that he isn't she goes on a Persistence Hunter Quest to bring back her platonic bestie (there is never a hint of romantic love). She has no skills except being good at telling her sob story and just keeps freaking going until she find the Snow Queen's castle. She even convinces a robber girl to give her a tame reindeer to ride at one point.

Eventually she finds Kay, whom she hugs to melt his heart and then he cries out the mirror shard. They escape all the way back home and then are like, "Huh, we are all growed up now." End of story.

I don't know why I loved it so much as a kid, but it has similar vibes to East of the Sun and West of the Moon, which is also about a woman who has no skills except the ability to keep going no matter what. I love it as an adult because Gerda wants to save Kay even though he doesn't deserve it at all and I love how persistent she is in the face of severe adversity. She's an incredibly strong character just for going on, not because she is badass in some unrealistic way. It makes me think about trying to save a friend from addiction or a bad relationship.

This was my childhood copy:

The illustrations are beautiful, but I can't find them online. Here are two:

[l0vem41l]

heart for brains.

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, hurt/comfort-esque but not really, fluff (?) sensitive reader who loooves being tough, a few pet names are used (darling, lovely—) but sparingly because i can never take things seriously 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic </3 」

↳ ft. asra alnazar, julian devorak, lucio morgasson, muriel of the kokhuri, nadia satrinava, portia devorak

author's note: less of the “One Bad Thing happened and it fucking destroyed me” type of sensitive even though that’s so real and valid and more of the "big emotions are slowly killing me always" type. sorry if they're slightly ooc! i'm playing the game again,,,, eventually :> need to get their dialogue right AWIOFJWRIHFW (┬┬﹏┬┬) more lighthearted in lucio’s part (cant stand this bitch!!!!! /affectionate), and unfortunately nadia’s and portia’s are criminally short (；′⌒`)........ i love them i just haven’t played their routes also also!!!! used some borders from @cafekitsune in this!! lmk if it makes things easier to read cuz i might keep it! (☆-ｖ-)

" life's hard when you're soft. "

▸ ASRA has grown the most familiar with your routine. you’re not quite fragile, as he’s come to discover— just that you tend to swallow your emotions down with a smile, only for them to rise back up at the slightest inconvenience. in a few moments— as predicted— the tears stinging in your eyes finally begin slipping.

he gently cups your face, even as you attempt to hide away and avert your gaze, drying your cheeks with his fingers. you swear to him, through mumbles and sobs that you’re trying to toughen up— you’re really trying— while insisting there’s no reason for you to be upset about your little predicament while you choke back the sob rising in your throat. they know you too well for those feeble attempts to convince them.

“shhh… it’s alright. it’s alright.” asra’s voice is understanding. patient. they wouldn’t care if you were crying over the smallest matter in the universe right now. all their focus is on calming you down.

while asra believes and insists that your capacity for strong emotions is a blessing and not a curse like you tend to think, he does wish that your tenderness would not be so abused by the world around you. at the end of the day, he reminds you that you’ve got his love— that he’ll always be there to wipe your tears away— but will always secretly wonder to himself about why you continue to be so recklessly kind.

even so, you’re never to blame for your big heart in their eyes. and slowly, everything they do to make the world a better place is in hope that one day, the world will be sweeter to you.

▸ JULIAN does quietly and internally freak out when he first sees you cry— not because he doesn’t know what to do, but rather because he hadn’t expected seeing you, out of all people, like this. you— the person who always seemed to find something to be happy about instead of dwelling on your misery. you— who frequently brushed off inconveniences and upsetting circumstances with little to no thought. you— who always bounced back, always saw it through.

oh, but he could never be upset with you for crying. not at all.

he knows he can’t just leave you sobbing your eyes out. so, with the sensibility that he has, he gently guides you to a quiet place for you and allows you to lean against him. he’ll attempt to talk you through it, even if you don’t feel like speaking, hoping that the one-sided conversation of his ramblings will at least distract you, if not soothe you.

your head to his chest, he takes one of your hands in his, while the other gently grips your hip. tells you how brave and strong you are— even if you don’t seem particularly inclined to believe him at the moment, shooting a small glare at him through watery eyes as he says these things.

“i wasn’t patronizing you,” he says, eyebrows raising slightly as your shoulders tense, “i mean it.”

you take a deep breath, gauging the sincerity of his words, before finally relaxing.

“‘m sorry… it’s stupid— i know it is. you shouldn’t have to do this.” you sniffle.

for a moment, julian only shakes his head in response, his thumb caressing the top of your hand as he squeezes it. “but darling, i want to.”

while he’s not as attuned with your emotions as asra, julian is good at getting you to calm down. will definitely do a few breathing exercises with you to help you ground yourself, in between his affirmations and reassurances.

▸ is it really all that surprising that LUCIO is completely clueless? in his eyes, everything was going completely fine for you two seconds ago— or so it seemed. here he was, just coming by to check on you, only to watch you crumple into yourself, hiding your face in your hands as you muttered a half-hearted “go away.”

he’s too stubborn to listen to that. besides, even he knows he’d be a massive asshole if he just left you like this. instead, lucio sits right next to you, shoulder pressed up to yours, and asks about what happened. perhaps pester is a better word.

while not intentionally rude, he’s slightly dismissive of the situation at first, wondering why in the world something so trivial would matter so much to you. it takes a second, but lucio backpedals on this immediately when he realizes you're not calming down, you're getting worse. your breathing grows quicker and more tears spill— you don’t even reply to him. oopsies. silent comfort it is.

he’s not completely useless. instead of using words, he’ll put an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side, allowing you to cry it out for as long as you need. part of you wants to question when he gained the capacity to shut up— but you don’t feel the need to be particularly snarky at the moment. he’s trying his best to be sweet to you.

will be more attentive for the days after, assuring you that you needn’t give into the urge to “toughen up” when he’s around.

“stay soft, i can fight.” he grins, giving you a wink that makes you roll your eyes at him almost instinctively.

still, the tiny laugh that escapes your lips ends up betraying any sort of exasperation you meant to convey as you playfully hit his bicep as you tell him to quit. was his tone light hearted? yes. was he kidding? of course not. 

▸ there’s a moment where your lip quivers and your eyes water up that makes MURIEL feel like he’s looking into a reflection of himself somehow. his heart sinks completely at the sight of you breaking down, as he searches for the right thing to say.

he’s flooded with relief when you make an attempt to speak first, even if it’s just you stumbling over your words to lie directly to his face.

you take in a shaky breath, awkwardly shrinking yourself away by crossing your arms. “it’s fine, it doesn’t matter—”

“it matters to me.” he replies softly.

muriel is much better at listening than he is at speaking in these situations, so he allows you to vent all you need as you cry. you feel these emotions so deeply, so strongly— he wonders how you managed for so long concealing these feelings.

“yeah… i get it.” he murmurs, nodding when you rant. to his horror, the tone comes out much more blunt than intended— almost sarcastic— but you know that he understands the minute you look into his eyes. he’s nothing but honest.

after a moment of silence, he asks what you need. you don’t verbalize, instead opting for awkwardly gesture with open arms, half expecting him to hesitate at your request. instead, much to your surprise and his he simply brings you close and sets you on his lap. holding you in his arms like he’s afraid you might break if he tightens the embrace any further, muriel hugs you like you’re the most precious thing in the universe.

leans more on acts of service as a form of comfort as well. will bring you water, blankets— will even brave the market to buy you your favorite snack. anything for you.

▸ NADIA’s first attempt is to deal with it logically. initially, she asks you a lot of questions, asks what she can do better— but ceases the minute you struggle to respond, only shaking your head while the words incoherently fall from your lips between sobs.

she sighs, realizing her short-comings. now isn’t the time for problem solving. you need comfort. “forgive me, lovely. i didn’t mean to upset you further.”

LUCIO TAKE FUCKING NOTES.

her embrace is loving. it almost feels like she’s trying to shield you from the world and it’s harshness towards you. nadia plants a kiss to your temple before allowing you to rest your head on her shoulder. as you stay in her arms, she rubs your back, promising that everything will be alright.

she’ll make sure of it too. will 100% throw a sharp glare at anyone who accidentally intrudes on this moment.

▸ it’s almost instinctual, the way PORTIA responds. you haven’t said a thing, yet she notes the way your hands begin trembling, eyes brimming with tears. she immediately gets protective, asking which idiot made you feel so upset with full intention to beat their ass if she ever crossed paths with them— but questions no further when you don’t reply.

physically affectionate as ever, with your permission, portia kisses your tears away, pressing her lips to your face sweetly as she cradles it in her hands.

will not baby you for being sensitive, but will grow more defensive of you. of course she knows you can handle yourself like you keep on reminding, but you’ve been doing it for so long. too long. shows you that she’s right there to support you no matter what, always on your side.

" you've got our love "

— reblogs always appreciated!

[stoutguts]

Autistic/neurodivergent 👻 (💀🧼 too bc why not/it's my comfort ship and I love them)

(chock full my own personal HCs and ideas, also mental health stuff/issues/problems heyo)

CW: brief mentions of s*icide/s*icidal ideation

I have a lot more to say about this freak, than pretty boy, ADHD brain rotted Johnny, so let’s get into it‼️‼️

Ghost is socially awkward as all hell with actual negative rizz, whether platonically or romantically. Most people write him off as weird, creepy, or scary, though that's also part of his charm and mystique for some reason.

Autistic, (and it's painfully obvious lmao). Special interests include Skyrim, DND, Bloodborne, Dark Souls, etc, (wrote a whole fic just talking abt this aspect of his autism lol). Outside of video games, they’re also obsessed with marine life and sea creatures. They're especially fond of sharks, and they love to visit aquariums and the beach. It has encyclopedic knowledge when it comes to most underwater creatures or marine mammals you can think of, and loves to show this off via party trick or just for the sake of rambling about it. (This is also true for the games that they’re clearly highly invested in).

Speaking of his fascination with marine life...He even keeps a few Ranchu goldfish as pets that it bought online from a breeder, (as Ranchu goldfish are one of it’s favorite fish/favorite breeds of goldfish). It thinks of them as it’s own children, and does it’s due diligence and research to provide them with the best care possible, (plus a beautifully decorated tank). Their names are Wotsit, Tangy, and Oswald. Wotsit and Oswald are males, Wotsit is red and black, and Oswald is a "calico" Ranchu. While, Tangy is female, and is orange and white.

At first, Johnny can't for the life of him understand what makes a goldfish, (fish being some of the most boring pets in the world in his humble opinion), so appealing as a pet. But he sees how happy the fish make Simon, so he doesn't really question it, just leaving it at "if they’re happy, than I guess that's all that really matters". Though the more Ghost talks about them with so much excitement and affection in it’s voice for it’s little fishy friends, the more Soap begins to appreciate them and kind of grow attached to them in his own way.

Simon stims by bouncing his legs, pacing, flapping their hands, or grinding his teeth (had to get braces and later a retainer to fix their teeth because of this). It used to mainly stim by rocking back and forth as a child, and he still does it from time to time to help calm himself, or for comfort when they need it. It also likes to walk on their tiptoes,—(he has exceptionally strong legs and calfs because of this habit),—especially when walking up or down stairs.

This detail is more just a general personality trait of his but whatever—

They are very expressive, (Johnny finds it absolutely adorable). For the longest time it’s face was almost always hidden underneath the mask it wears.—The 1-4-1 were shocked—but also positively giddy—At the revelation that big ol' bad Ghost, is WAY more of a softie than it lets on.—A sensitive crybaby, and is a very emotional person. Quite literally can’t help it, (but when the situation calls for it or when they need to get it together, he has excellent control over his emotions).

Ghost often has a hard time understanding other people or what they're feeling due to his autism. They're not heartless by any means, and it tries it's best to understand, but most times they unintentionally come off as insensitive or mean. He’s also brutally honest with people and never lies.

Simon needs constant reassurance due to their often low self-esteem, and Johnny is more than happy to provide that for him. Always praising them and telling them that he’s handsome, that he’s enough, that he’s perfect, that he’s such a good boy.

(Speaking of Soap praising him, Ghost has a praise kink, to which Johnny is also more than happy to indulge. Though will occasionally use it’s kink against it to tease it, such as openly giving it praise during missions. Which Simon is always embarrassed, and seemingly hates it, but in actuality it’s the hottest thing ever).

That he loves them more than anything in the whole wide world, and would not trade him for anything. That he’d never lie, or cheat on him, (and he’s proven time and time again that he’s a man of his word). That it is his “forever” and nothing can change that.

The fact that Johnny is always so considerate of it’s needs touches Simon so deeply, as none of it’s past partners had ever been so respectful. Warming their heart, and it only continues to deepen the love he has for his partner. 💖

Ghost has a rescue German Shepherd named Riley. They love the dog to death, brings him everywhere with them. Simon especially likes to always take Riley with him when they go out jogging or for a run, or whenever they just feel like walking around the neighborhood to clear their head. The two are joined at the hip, not only because they’re incredibly attached to each other...But because Riley is trained as an emotional support animal for PTSD and anxiety-related reasons, and is also a medical alert service dog. Regarding not only some pretty nasty asthma, but he’s got some hereditary cardiovascular/heart issues that could prove to be a real problem.

Simon can't really live without him.

Riley is formerly both a fighting and military dog, they took him as their personal pooch, after no other handlers would work with him due to aggression issues. He has stunning green eyes and a beautiful black and tan coat. Though he's a bit mangy, and heavily scarred with both his ears shredded, (just like Simon hehe). With Ghost having handmade a leather spiked collar and a chain leash to match his overall ruggedness, though Riley's personality couldn't be farther from his tough exterior. Simon has re-trained and re-socialized him very well, and has helped him to unlearn his past temperament/behavior. Good with kids and other dogs and animals, loves people and attention. Though still has just enough bite left in him to be protective and to act as a guard dog for him and Johnny, always at the ready in case something happens. Which in Ghost's eyes is highly important and appreciated in a dog.

Riley's past history really tugged on Simon's heartstrings, so he has dedicated himself to pampering his dog. Getting him the best dog food money can buy, always looking out for a new toy for him when he goes to the store, etc. Riley often will sleep in between Ghost and Soap or at the foot of their bed.

Ghost struggles with PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). His PTSD stems from his traumatic childhood. While his anxiety is mostly a by-product of his PTSD and trauma, as well as something born from the stress of being in the military, and learning to always be on the alert, never at ease. Though both seem to be somewhat tied to his autism as well.

They have panic attacks regularly, (which can be very dangerous because of his asthma, having to carry an inhaler on him at all times). (Plus, his heart condition is heavily affected by stress, which he’s treated/medicated for, but can still pose a risk). Flashbacks occur more often than not, (their flashbacks mostly happen in their sleep, as nightmares and night terrors).

Johnny is really the only one who knows of their past and mental health. (On all government mandated material, it’s intentionally left vague. The most it recognizes is that Ghost was born in Manchester, that his father's got a lengthy criminal record, and his capture by Roba).

As they don’t really talk about themselves that much, half because they’d rather not bring up such painful memories, and half for the fact he doesn’t really want everything out there on full-display. Either that, or it's just that either no one ever really cared to know, or people weren't stubborn (or stupid) enough to press on it further, (apart from Johnny of course).

Soap is incredibly understanding and patient with it, therefore, it was very easy to open up to him. (Simon still finds that Johnny's the only person he's really comfortable opening up to past a surface level).—Johnny has a strange sort of calming effect on Ghost, and they know it too. Soap being an expert on how to get Simon to relax, making sure his physical health is also well taken care of when such an event transpires. Even though Ghost has a whole-ass service dog for this exact reason and purpose.—Johnny doesn’t care, he wants it to know that he’s there for them, and that he cares deeply for him. Simon appreciating his fawning over him greatly.

Simon also has major depressive disorder (MDD), having struggled with such since childhood, and battles with suicidal ideation/thoughts on the daily.

They have actually even attempted quite a few times in the past. (Fun fact, the closest he’d ever come to successfully killing himself, was when Soap had gone into a months long coma after having been nearly killed by Makarov).

He’ll have depressive episodes that can last from days, to weeks, to months, sometimes being borderline debilitating and/or incapacitating. Soap tries to always be there for it during hard times, and this is no exception. He tries to provide him with what they may need, whether it’s a bit of humor to get it’s mind off things, or consolation after a long day, or maybe a hug, or one of their favorite snacks from the grocery store.—All Ghost has to do is ask, but usually Johnny always knows what he needs without a word being said between them.

Ghost goes to therapy regularly, and it does help a lot, (as they’ve got a fantastic therapist, having provided them with certain tools that'll help to save their skin on more than a few occasions). Though unfortunately despite this,—he’ll never be completely happy or stable. But that’s fine and is something it can live with, as long as he has Soap by their side and other people to support him. 💖

And last but not least…All members of the 1-4-1 having highly specific phobias? Yes please!

As for Ghost…

He is deathly afraid of thunderstorms/has major Astraphobia, as it triggers flashbacks regarding his father’s physical abuse. Simon is about the most vulnerable you’ll ever see him during a thunderstorm, they can’t do anything but curl up into a ball and sob and shake. He’s even pissed himself from fear on a few occasions after a particularly loud clap of thunder. Soap always tries to make sure he’s by their side when bad weather is soon to come, even planning his schedule around it. If they end up having an accident he’ll help to clean them up. Cuddling with him, holding them and having Ghost clinging to him while they cry into his shoulder, attempting to soothe him with lovely words and a gentle touch.

They are also afraid of bugs/have major entomophobia, their entire squad teases and makes fun of them for it, (including Johnny lmao). Though it’s all in good fun, and if Simon ever encounters a single solitary insect…It’s got comfort in knowing their buddies and Soap are there for them, and will protect them. :3 (Idk, I just think it would be hilarious that this grim reaper looking ahh mf, 6’5 brick shithouse of a man, is afraid of a fly getting too close to him).

I really need to gather up my hcs for Gaz and Price and write them down, I love those two as much as Ghost and Soap…I also wanna write shit about NikPrice, bc that’s like my favorite COD ship next to GhostSoap…hrmmm

[lihhelsing]

Hate That I Loved You

Now complete on AO3!

Part 1 | Part 2 ↓ | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

On the first day of shoot, Eddie is a nervous wreck. He can't handle it. He won't make it. He stays hidden in his dressing room until Chrissy is pounding at the door and threatening to tear it down if he doesn't come out immediately. 

Eddie doesn't doubt her. 

"It was your idea," Chrissy says as she eyes Eddie and how pale he looks. "Roll a joint, take a fucking shot. I don't care. Just get your ass into the studio because we're filming this today."

Eddie nods but Chrissy is too busy walking away from him to see it. She knows it, though. Eddie wouldn't ignore an order like that. 

The first sequence is with Sean. Sean is taller than him and he used to drive a red convertible that Eddie thought was just the coolest. So that's why he's setting a fucking car on fire for the clip. 

Sean thinks it's hilarious. 

The idea is for them to film the whole song with every one of the exes, so they have options. Because Sean, Pedro and David are all from Los Angeles, they go first. Eddie kept waiting for Lou to show up, but he should know better. Lou always liked to be different, to stand out. He and Steve are pushed to day 2, and for the looks of it, it might be day 3, if they can't speed up David's shoot. Eddie's is breaking a stone wall for him. It's metaphorical and it makes him feel good, actually. 

On day 2, Pedro is the only one around before lunch and Eddie actually have a good time with him. He's funny and sweet, just like Eddie remembered, and he keep calling Eddie 'mi amor' which is endearing in a totally platonic way. For a second, Eddie can't remember why they broke up, but then Pedro gets a call from his mom and everything comes rushing back. 

Pedro was already thinking about marriage and building a family and Eddie wasn't really ready. They are in a backyard with a pretty white picket fence and Eddie throws paint all around. Everything gets stained with black, the color Pedro saw as Eddie's heart color. 

It doesn't hurt as much, but it's harder than the two before him. When Pedro goes back to the dressing rooms to wipe the black paint from him, Eddie's mood had soured considerably.

It gets even worse as Lou walks in, looking like a rockstar. Looking exactly like what he is. 

Lou was Eddie's only famous boyfriend and their relationship had crashed and burned in front of everyone. Eddie feels the tug in his chest as he looks at the scene that's getting built for them. 

It's a stage. The Grammy stage. 

The worst part of it all is that Lou doesn't seem fazed by any of it. It's like he barely remembers breaking Eddie's heart at the Grammy's that year. It's like that was just a day, completely forgotten. 

But Eddie hasn't forgotten about it. He hasn't forgotten how bad he felt that day. How heartbroken. How Lou was trying to make everything be Eddie's fault when he was the one flirting shamelessly with other people in front of him. 

Eddie needs a minute. 

In fact, he feels like he needs a whole year to even be able to do that. What a great fucking idea, put himself through the most traumatic thing in his life for the cameras. No wonder people say he has no self-preservation reflex. 

He just walks away. He knows Chrissy saw him freaking out and he knows she will give him a moment to collect himself so he just keeps on walking past props and music equipment and finally the front door. 

Eddie is out. The cold air hits his face and with trembling hands he reaches inside his pocket just to remeber he doesn't have his joint with him since he's already wearing the outfit for the clip. 

A tux just like the one he wore on the fucking Grammy's. His hands fly to his neck as he pull at the bowtie, trying to get some air into his lungs. His vision gets a little blurry as if there's not enough oxygen in the world for him right now. 

Then big strong hands are pushing his hands aside, circling his neck and unclipping the bow tie. It's a fake one, so Eddie could keep pulling at it and he would get nowhere. 

"Take a deep breath," the voice says and it gives him chills because he knows that voice. He dreams about that voice. 

He does as he's being told because Steve always knew what was best for Eddie. 

"You're ok," Steve says under his breath. His hands fall from Eddie's neck and Eddie wishes they were still there, touching him, grounding him. "Just keep breathing."

Eddie does and things start going back to normal, except there's not a normal scenario where Steve Harrington is just standing there in front of Eddie, looking better than ever, with a frown between his brows because he's worried about Eddie. 

No. That should be impossible with how hard Eddie had fucked things up and still, Steve is really there. 

"I, uh, thought you were only coming in tomorrow," Eddie says when he stops feeling like he's going to die. 

Steve shrugs. "Landed a few hours ago, Chrissy said I could check things out."

After that, Eddie has no clue what to say so he just stares at Steve, dumbly. Much to his relief, Chrissy saves him from looking even more like an idiot by opening the door and calling him back. 

"Uh, thanks for doing that. It really means a lot to me," Eddie says, trying not to sound as pathetic as he feel. Steve smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. 

Eddie wants to say more, he wants to keep talking to Steve. Forget the music video and forget the fact that Lou is standing inside, probably pissed at Eddie, he instantly wants to throw everything away as beg Steve for a second chance. 

By the look on Steve's eyes it's like he can see Eddie's intentions clearly, but then Chrissy is pulling him in and waving at Steve like this is normal. Nothing about this is fucking normal and now Eddie needs to survive Lou if he wants to have a shot at talking to Steve. 

[d6b-onion]

headcanons

i don't really have headcanons in general (hah, baited), because i think that runs against one of the biggest reasons why i enjoy Touhou. I enjoy Touhou in part because it's a giant sandbox of cool characters (with cool designs), dynamics and ideas; "dynamics" includes yuri, naturally. It's a big fantasy world, but constraining the stories it tells too hard is stifling to me.

So for that reason, there is no "true version" of the world of touhou beyond/adjacent to canon inside my mind. What does exist, however, is a big assortment of ideas and themes for characters and relationships that I find cool or interesting or sweet and that I like to explore. I may find some much more interesting or fun than others, but there is no ""true"" one to me.

They may disagree with canon, or with one another. Generally I'm more comfortable staying close to canon because I enjoy the stories ZUN tells. And sometimes other people imagine something different that I find interesting, and so I go along.

For example take ReiMari. I don't have an opinion on whether the ship is ""real"" or not. Canon says they have a very strong platonic bond, and that they're probably not romance-repulsed, and that's about it. IMO you can reasonably imagine Reimu to be aroace. And that's the wonderful thing! You can take this so many different ways, and there are so many interesting stories to tell even when the paths diverge!

They can be hopelessly pining for one another. They can be a married couple. They can be madly in love with each other. They can be star-crossed, with their love never meant to be. They can have a purely platonic relationship; I imagine many aro folks would enjoy it not just being a stepping stone towards romance. They can be complete freaks. Personally, I find them interesting as a way to explore the blurry line between deep friendship and romance.

Whether something is ""real"" doesn't matter, what story do you want to tell?

[horror-beeings-artandwriting]

Hey can I request a headcannon of the ancient Heroes reactions and feelings towards a new hero in the neighborhood with the powers and identity of Spider-Man.

Bonus points if you add references towards the villains.

Absolutely??? That is like so cool!!!

Characters: Cacao, Pure Vanilla, HollyBerry, Golden cheese, white lily, and bonus villains at the end >:3

Prompt: Headcanons(platonic)

Cacao:

- Another ally is always welcome in his books.

- he will however request that you try to not fly around on your website in his kingdom, he already has to deal with snow.

- he thinks your skillet is very interesting, he had to hone his skill to be able to anticipate attacks, but for you it’s natural!

- When you come in front the ceiling upside he freaks out a little worried that you might hit your head. He’s still got those fatherly instincts.

- I feel like if you picked him up, he’s kinda just have this face of utter terror. I mean he’s a large guy, and you’re like. A normal cookie, how the hell can you pick him up???

- overall he’s pretty neutral to you, he’s kind sure but he more want to see what you can do in the field!

HollyBerry:

- Holly thinks it’s very cool!

- a new hero to fight against dark enchantress cookie! How wonderful!

- will ask if you can carry her around!

- and then will carry you around.

- you know that one captain America and spider man thing? Where he catches caps shield, yeah that’s totally how you two met.

- Holly is happy to call you a close friend!

- Very grandmotherly towards you! She’ll make you your favorite meal, and tell you tales of when she was out adventuring with her friends, or pitaya dragon cookie!

- calls you “Petite araignée” means little spider in French!

Pure vanilla:

- he worries a lot, you flying around?? What do you get hurt??

- he’ll heal any of your wounds! Be it from a fight or mising a web on a building!

- His kingdom is 100% one of the most fun to swing around in!

- he loves that such a young person can be such an amazing hero! He’s very proud of you!

- even though he’s happy you’re a hero, he will try to keep you away from the front lines! He doesn’t want you to get hurt, or worse, crumble.

- very worried grandpa.

Golden cheese:

- she is more then willing to invite you to her golden kingdom, a young hero to stop any people who disturb the peace? Perfect! Then bring cheese can just focus on the gates.

- would definitely want to try and deck you out with new gear, new web shooter, and gadgets.

- she’d start to count you as one of her treasures! You help protect people along side burnt cheese! How noble!

- will try and add gold to your suit.

- you and her totally swing/fly around together.

- she’d try and teach you mid air tricks! I mean you must be flashy! A good hero can always let people know who they are just by their look!

- basically like Tony and Peter Parker

White lily:

- she wants to know how your body can produce the webs.

- sure some cookies have magic, but most of them learned! Or have a type of soul jam! But you? You got bit by something and then suddenly have powers?? How??

- will ask specimens of your webs.

- white lily is normally a quiet cookie, but when it comes to the science of cookies, be prepared for hundreds, of thousands of questions.

Bonus round!!

Dark enchantress cookie:

- a new cookie to cause issue in her plans?

- when she sees your spiddy sense working she starts trying to find a way to get around it.

- maybe pomegranate can cast something.

- licorice could maybe overwhelm you with licorice beasts?

- No no that won’t work…she’ll find out something. Soon enough.

Shadow milk:

- oh a little spider!

- soon to be caught in his web!

- he will mock you as you fight

- you’ll never be as strong as him!! Why don’t you just give up!

- he’ll try to grab your webs and treat you like a puppet, when you break free he whines saying you’re no fun!!

- run away little spider. Hopefully you don’t get caught up in your own web :)

Hope you like it <3

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Can we get a mitsuri like reader with the characters? Well minus the demon slaying part. The reader's hair color is almost impossible to get and because of this they used to be insecure thinking everybody will think they are weird so they dyed it. Basically mitsuri's past with the marriage and stuff.

Here, hope, you liked it.

Mitsuri-Like! Reader

Slight! Self-Aware! Platonic! Kyuusaku Yumeno x GN! Mitsuri-Like! Reader

Description: You were hiding your strength for years. But, sometimes, you can't hide it.

Reader have good parents. Reader's partner left them. Q's gender isn't specified.

Warning: OOC. Q almost got crushed. English is my second language.

Your father and mother were always strong.

Your mother could carry around heavy baskets with laundry. Your father could carry around heavy bags. And you, his child.

You, still a small child at that point of time, wanted to be as strong as both of your parents. So you can help them.

You picked up a rock twice your size when you were a toddler.

Since that day, your life has changed.

You were strong. As strong as an adult. An adult, who was training every second of their lives.

Your parents were happy. They called you their superhero. Their precious child.

Your appetite grew with your strength. At the age of five, you were eating as much as three sumo wrestlers.

And then, your [H/C] hair become pink with lime green tips. Your father, jokingly, suggested, that it happened because of you eating "mountains" of sakura mochi.

Somehow, your parents start to adore you even more, after your hair colour changed.

Everything was fine. Your parents loved and supported you.

And then you start going to school.

And people start talking about you.

"Your hair... Is it dyed? What do you mean, it's not? Are you sure that you are human?"

"How you managed to eat all this food? What are you? A pig? Or a black hole in human costume?"

"[Y/N], we are glad to have you on our team, but, to tell the truth... Your strength is terrifying. It's not normal."

"You are a freak!"

Year after year. Comment after comment. You tried not to show them, but their words hurt you.

You are not a freak. You are normal human. You have human emotions. You have human dreams.

You graduated and got into college. Your fellow students still looked at you funny from time to time, but, at least, they weren't talking about you.

At college, you met them. Your partner.

They were kind and smart. In your eyes, everything in them were perfect.

You were happy together. After a few years of dating, you decide to get married.

At least, it was the plan.

_______________

"I think, we should break up"

"Why? W-what did I do wrong? I am sorry, I will change, I will be better..."

"You can't change it! Your strength is horrifying! And your hair... Do you understand, that there is a chance, that any of your biological kid could inherit it! That they also will be freaks!"

"..."

"Goodbye, [Y/N]"

_______________

You were devastated. Their rejection was the straw that broke the camel's back.

The next night, you dyed your hair [H/C]. You can't change your freakiness. But, you can pretend that they never existed.

You tried to ignore your parents' gazes. They were devastated, that their precious child were hurt. And that they couldn't do anything to console you.

___________

For a few years you were 'hiding'.

You didn't show your strength. You ate less, if someone was watching. And then ate a 'normal-sized (for you) meal', when you were alone.

It was hard. You feel terrible for lying about yourself. You are allowed to be strong, right? You are allowed to have unique hair, right? You are allowed to have a huge appetite, right? And you are allowed to have friends and partner, right?

Right... But, most people you have to deal with, still questioned your rights to have friends, strength, pink hair and big appetite.

You think, that you can pretend for years to come. Maybe, one day, the mask will become reality.

Until then, you have your hobbies to distract you from sadness. From earning for acceptance.

To distract yourself, you start playing games, watching anime and reading manga.

That's how you learned about Bungou Stray Dogs.

___________

You looked in a mirror. You were planning to dye your hair again. Because, only tips of your hair remained [H/C]. The rest of your hair became pink/lime green again.

How did you manage to forget to dye your hair? Well, because you were busy. With moving in. And with fixing the house.

Fitzgerald bought a house large enough to fit all of you. Unfortunately, the house itself need some serious fixing.

So, with your hair covered with a scarf, you, and the others, were painting walls, fixing light and so much more.

That's how you missed the time of hair dyeing.

For one moment you thought, that you could let your hair be. Show others the real you.

But you were afraid.

You aren't sure, how your new friends will react to your real hair colour. To your strength.

They didn't judge you for your appetite, but, you always thought, that your appetite was the least abnormal of your... quirks.

So, you don't want to make BSD Cast uncomfortable. You will dye your hair.

While you were preparing hair dye, you heard a noise from the common room. You put a towel around your head, covering your hair, and come to investigate.

Common room, currently, were almost empty. Elise and Q were playing a game of tag there. Right now, they can run there as much as they want. There wasn't any furniture, besides a large wardrobe. The old, heavy wardrobe creaked menacingly.

The wardrobe came with the house. It was also heavily damaged. The wood was old and rotten. Unfortunately, it was impossible to be taken apart, without getting splinters. So, to get rid of it, it had to moved whole. Unfortunately, right now, Kenji's strength were needed in moving materials and furniture.

Q and Else were having fun.

Then Q lost their balance and slipped. They bumped into a wardrobe.

You heard a creak.

The wardrobe was falling right on Q.

You react Immediately.

Like a lightning flash, you ran towards Q. The towel was laying on the floor.

You ducked under the falling wardrobe, and caught it, with both hands.

Holding the old furniture above your head, you start moving towards the large back door.

You, with the wardrobe in your hands and your pink/lime green hair, 'paraded' before BSD Cast, who hurry to the common room, after hearing the loud creak.

You throw the wardrobe outside through the back door.

After finishing with 'cleaning up', you turned towards Q. Child were still laying on the ground, really shaken up. You carefully approached them.

"Q? Dear, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Kyuusaku shook their head. They carefully stand up, blink a few times, then looked at you with an adoring look. Q hugged you.

"You saved me! And your hair is so pretty!"

"Is it new hair dye, [Y/N]?" you heard Kyouka's question.

You own them an explanation.

_________

🐾 They took it well. You are still you, no matter, how strong you are, or what colour your hair is.

🐾 They will tell you every day, that you are not a freak. You are very good person.

🐾 Will judge your partner for leaving you. Will assure you, that it's their loss.

🐾 Q became your biggest fan. They were ready to find everyone, who wronged you, and use Dogra Magra on them. Listen to you, when you forbid them from doing it.

🐾 For BSD Cast, you are the most perfect person in the whole world.

[trsrina]

playing genshin impact with zerobaseone

written in second person pov, gn reader, fluff, can be read as romantic or platonic

!! mentions of death in a game, mentions of food, not proofread

jiwoong

- the type to have no idea what he’s doing like he’s trying his best

- type to main whatever 5 star character he got first which was diluc who he finds really cool (diluc is so hot js like jiwoong) and kaveh is probably on his team

- he can beat normal opponents but sucks at fighting bosses and would need your help with domains/bosses

- makes you help him do spiral abyss but still acts tough and tries to help you fight off enemies in co-op but dies immediately

zhanghao

- has no idea what he’s doing pt 2

- only playing it bc you asked him to and he’s confused af yk with his disturbed face while he’s looking back and forth from your screen to his, contemplating how the hell he’s supposed to fight off those weird creatures which look like ricky to him while poor kaeya is being beat up on his screen

- yae miko main. idk what it is about them but they remind me of each other

- way too freaking lucky, somehow pulled yae the first day playing and manages to win all his 50/50s

hanbin

- plays it just to spend time with you and exerts a concerning amount of energy into this game just so he could have another common interest with you

- nahida or ganyu main

- ends up being better at genshin than you and helps you do your dailies, spiral abyss, trounce domains etc

- best co-op buddy in zb1!! lets you steal stuff from his world

matthew

- confused at hell at first but ends up being addicted

- look hear me out gorou’s like 99.999% on his team and mains ayaka no reason for this

- at first, he would pout and start mumbling about how weird this game is and the next week he’s ar 40 already somehow and has already progressed to sumeru

- buys you matching genshin keychains and stuff and probably will whale for himself but nags about how you’re wasting money on whaling for yourself

taerae

- idk why but i feel like he’d be concerningly good at genshin at first and speeds through the archon quests smoothly

- mains tighnari or yoimiya he just reminds me of these characters and he thinks tighnari is cute (prob a cynonari shipper)

- his red flag is that he enjoys fighting stormterror during the quest and smiles during spiral abyss and spends primogems on the standard banner

- loves doing quests like world quests too and commissions to him is so fun because he likes helping people

ricky

- another natural at the game ricky is just good at everything he does

- al haitham main he says it’s because he’s young and rich, tall and handsome, just like him and has eula on his team probably

- plays with a straight face like no look of anger or frustration is on his face at all while his hands are swiftly moving across the screen like a pro

- logs onto your account occasionally to buy you genesis crystals and you who’s playing on another device is like wth and then you message ricky angrily for wasting money on a game

gyuvin

- bro played genshin since launch like he’s a veteran most probably plays even better than you (he’s ar 60) and imagine the way his face lights up when he finds out you also play genshin

- he is so childe/itto main coded, don’t tell me this man isn’t real life itto and likes to throw ushi for fun

- jokingly makes fun of you for being bad at the game then steals your phone to help you and forces you to buy him food as a thank you

- would go to your world just to steal stuff and annoy you, trolls you in your own world and would push you off cliffs with jean

gunwook

- another one that only plays bc u play

- he’s good at everything so he ends up being good at genshin too, he’d easily surpass you in adventure rank

- i thought long and hard about this but ayato main idk why either really and kazuha is also a strong contender. loves exploring areas with kazuha and using his skill

- whenever he sees that you’re playing, he would immediately flock over to your side and asks to join your world. would help you defeat whatever bosses you want him to and help you farm. would go around finding chests for you

yujin

- i think yujin would also be good at genshin but not as good as the others like maybe 40 something ar while the others are at 50 something

- he’s baby so klee main but this evil boy loves blowing things up and killing random animals. torturing hillichurls is his favourite pastime

- would randomly request to join your world sometimes but when you’re busy and reject him, he would spam you with numerous messages and the ‘:(((‘ emoticon along with the genshin sticker things

- the type to completely ignore world quests and absolutely hates doing his dailies

[wikitpowers]

Ash unfolded the paper. A jolt went through his body. He turned away quickly so that Jace and Sebastian, deep in conversation, wouldn't see his expression.

It was her, the strange human girl he's once seen in the Unseelie weapons room. Dark hair, eyes the colour of the sky he only partially remembered. A murder of crows circled in the sky behind her. Not a photograph, but a drawing, done with a wistful hand, a sense of love and longing emanating from the page. A name was scribbled in a corner: Drusilla Blackthorn.

Drusilla. She looked lonely, Ash thought, but determined as well, as if a hope lived behind those summer-blue eyes, a hope that could not be quenched by loss, a hope too strong to feel despair.

Ash's heart was pounding, though he could not have said why. Hastily, he folded the drawing and thrust it into his pocket.

there is literally nothing (and i mean nothing) that anyone could say that would convince me that ash doesn't have the biggest crush on dru blackthorn idfc.

LET ME TELL YOU this ain't platonic in the slightest, okay?

NOW FOR THOSE WHO HAVE TIME I WANNA ANALYSE THIS BC I HAVE ISSUES WELCOME

this one is for the folks who doubt morgenthorn will be endgame *peace out*

like the "her" being in italics is already sus enough because he's like "omg it's the pretty girl i saw that one time *blushes furiously*" and then he seems so pleased to finally know her name????? drusilla???? and then like examines the drawing so thoroughly it’s actually mental???? he thinks she’s the most gorgeous human to ever walk the earth (and he’s not wrong)

and to top it all off he’s all “hmmm my heart is beating kinda fast lolsies i wonder why” and then wait for it HE FUCKING TAKES THE DRAWING!!! LIKE HE FOLDS IT AND PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET BC OFC HE DOES!!!! HE HAS TO LOOK AT IT IN HIS FREE TIME U KNOW BC THAT’S WHAT U DO (when ur a freaking simp)!!! he is so so whipped already and twp hasn’t even been released pls i’m so far gone for them save me

dru is getting like properly thirsted over AND FUCKING RIGHTFULLY SO bc she’s an absolute goddess and we all know it… and ash is the drusilla blackthorn fanclub founder idc like god he is gonna have it SO bad for her in twp and guys when she finds out he kept the drawing all these years, i will simply evaporate out of existence

morgenthorn is gonna be my downfall mark my words

i can’t wait yay A N G S T😀

[pterodactyl screech]

[deathmetalangel]

Helo! It's me again '^^

I loved your "Bad Joke" hcs so much that I want to request another bunch of headcanons for this cartoon! (Only if you want tho-)

What about some platonic headcanons of Rose Quartz, garnet, pearl, amethist and Steven (sepparetly if it's possible) reacting to a fem!gem! reader who is 13 years old (yeah, I'm obsessed with fem early teen readers) puffing herself for 3 weeks due to sadness because she felt unwanted.

You can totally ignore this request if it makes you uncomfortable or if the topic is triggering! Have a nice day/night!

POOFING HEADCANONS (GEMS X FEM! READER/PLATONIC)

warnings: slightly depressive talk, abandonment issues if you squint, kind of angsty but not really?

y/n wasn’t as strong as her older companions, and thus wasn’t involved in as many missions or brought along all the time. that feeling can make anyone feel very unwanted. and sometimes desolated.

tysm for liking my writings and requesting. i’m really glad you liked the last headcanons :3 i hope these are just as good.

ROSE QUARTZ

- when y/n first poofed rose thought she had just run off

- perhaps she wanted a break from everyone

- eventually after not long of looking she finds her gem hidden away

- rose is so worried! how could she not have noticed

- keeps her gem with her at all times waiting for her to reform

- when she does rose’s motherly instincts kick in and she just hugs her so tight

- “i’m so sorry! why on earth would you do such a thing.”

- and when y/n explains her feelings rose is on the brink of tears

- how could she have failed as a leader to make her youngest recruit feel unwanted

- goes on for hours explaining why y/n is wanted and why she’s a valuable part of the team

- “you’re so strong and funny! what would we do without you y/n? not even just battle, what would we do around the temple without you. i love seeing you everyday y/n. i want to help you grow and change and embrace earth!”

- rose is a sap and they both cry together (she mostly cried because y/n was crying and she was wanted her to feel better)

GARNET

- of course she noticed her change in behavior

- how dejected she would get when her and steven had to stay behind

- but the infinite possibilities sapphire foretold never considered this path

- steven had found y/n’s gem and quickly brought it to garnet

- she is so so worried how could her future vision fail her

- she had become your mother in a way and this just broke her heart

- carefully kept her gem in her room, which no one ever entered, and counted the days she remained in her gem

- when she inevitably reformed garnet was struggling to hold herself together because she immediately began crying

- sapphire was scolding herself while ruby just wanted to help

- allows her to take her time before coaxing her out of the ball she had curled into

- when y/n explains garnet carefully removes her visor

- “i don’t care what you think, you are never unwanted here. you’re apart of the crystal gems even if we can’t always bring you along. i was only trying to protect you. i’m sorry y/n.”

- when she hugs her garnet cries even more

- she was so worried, but she was so glad y/n was back

- “you and steven are important to all of us, so please keep yourself safe. when you’ve trained more you’ll be on every single one of our missions i promise.”

PEARL

- pearl had a busy schedule almost all the time

- but she did take notice of y/n’s absence rather quickly

- pearl panics when steven is out of her eyes sight for a minute, but she really gets anxious when she hasn’t seen her in hours

- when she finds y/n’s gem she freaks out

- places it on a pillow and watches anxiously sort of like steven did when she got poofed

- pearl genuinely stayed in her room almost the whole time waiting for y/n to reform

- when she does she cries so much

- “y/n! what happened?”

- explaining everything made pearl feel so guilty

- “why would you ever think that? we all love you so much y/n. i’m sorry if i get sidetracked or overly indulged in my work, but i promise you that you’re never unwanted.”

- she cries in pearls arms while pearl ugly cries

- she was just genuinely afraid of loosing y/n like she did rose

AMETHYST

- amethyst would never say she was worried about y/n, but yeah she was always concerned

- she just always seemed distant

- amethyst tried her best to make her feel included

- when she finds her gem amethyst is so mad

- not at y/n, but at everyone else

- “how could you guys not see what was happening? even i seen it! this happened because you guys failed to make her feel like she was apart of the team!”

- she knows the feeling of not being wanted very well

- amethyst was very anxious waiting for y/n to reform

- especially as the weeks started to drag on and on

- when she does reform amethyst does not let her out of her bear hug

- “i’m not gonna say i don’t get it, i do. but y/n, you gotta believe me when i say that you are wanted here. the other gems just get busy with dumb stuff they forget about us sometimes. but even if pearl and garnet are busy, you still have me.”

- they are inseparable from then on

STEVEN

- steven is very oblivious, he’s a kid obviously

- but when he finds y/n’s gem he doesn’t stop crying

- worse than when he cried over snakes

- “pearl bring her back. please.”

- when the gems tell him that he has to wait on her to reform he cries more

- does not leave her gem alone

- even when garnet tries to tell him to give y/n space and time he refuses

- when she reforms steven starts crying again

- “what happened?!”

- hugs her so tight while he cries

- “what do you mean you feel unwanted, i want you here all the time y/n.”

- he doesn’t fully get it, he’s used to feeling belittled but not unwanted yk

- “i promise y/n you will never ever feel like that again. i’m so sorry.”

- now she starts crying because he’s crying so much

- but it did make her feel better after

[sunflowerkiwis]

Speak Now

Harry Styles x Reader | Platonic!Taylor Swift x Reader

Word count: 682

There’s hardly a plot to this so bare with me; You bring Taylor out to perform with you and mess with the crowd a bit.

Unedited—and it shows.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

If there is one thing y/n and her fans have in common, it’s analyzing everything. They all know: almost everything she does is for a reason, it all comes with sharing a strong friendship and fanbase with Taylor Swift. Every capital letter, every number thrown in, every song cover—everything meant something to her, therefore it meant something to the fans. So, having this knowledge… why not mess with them a bit?

“They’re gonna freak out,” Taylor said from her seat in the hair and makeup chair.

“In a good way,” Y/n looked at her, attempting to put in her earrings, “they love you, sometimes more than me, i think.”

They both laughed before Paula, Y/n’s manager came in, letting her know she had ten minutes before being on stage.

~~~

“Well,” Y/n looked around the crowd, no words could describe the feeling she felt on stage being able to bring so many people together and create a safe space for everyone to be themselves and have fun. “Hello, Sydney. How’re we doing tonight?”

Cheers and whistles erupted making her chuckle. She spotted Harry in the area reserved for family and gave him a smile and a wave, making the crowd freak out again.

“You are a gorgeous crowd, Sydney. Beautiful—loud, too.” Cue the noise. “Now, we’re gonna do a song that I’ve wanted to do for a while. It’s by a very close friend of mine and I just enjoy this song so much because of the message it puts out and how…” she paused, trying to figure out how to relate to this song when her very loyal and committed fiancée was in the crowd. “How relatable it can be at times, with… with certain people.”

She stepped back, grabbing her guitar from a crew member. The fans grew confused at her introduction of the song and the new, very different guitar. This one was a dark, sparkly purple, and the way she was unsure of how to introduce the song as she kept glancing to Harry in the crowd? Something was up.

“Sydney,” Y/n started strumming the guitar, a familiar tune to those who were fans of both her and Taylor, “this is Speak Now, by Taylor Swift.” Cue the confusion. “I am not the kind of girl who should be be rudely budging in on a white veil occasion… But you are not kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl…”

Even louder cheers came along as they saw the familiar face walking across stage to where Y/n was standing. “I sneak in and see your friend and her snotty little family all dressed in pastels,” Taylor sand beside Y/n. “And she is yelling at a bridesmaid, somewhere back inside her room, wearing a gown shaped like a pastry.”

Y/n chuckled before joining her later, still strumming her guitar. “Don’t say yes, run away now. I’ll meet you when you’re of the church, at the back door,” she sang with a little too much emotion for someone in a strong and happy relationship—engaged, nonetheless.

She shot Harry side eyes at every snarky line like “And the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march” and a smirk at “You wish it was me—don’t you?”

She gave her all into those four minutes, knowing entirely too well she had no business relating to this song at all, which, obviously, she didn’t. But as they say, it’s for the plot.

~~~

“Should I be worried?” Harry came up behind her, hugging her waist.

“Not unless you have some hidden bride in a pastry dress,” she raised a brow at him through the mirror.

“Counting you, or…?”

Y/n rolled her eyes and turned around to kiss his cheek. “Can’t to see all the divorced parent tiktoks tomorrow.” She joked. Having Harry Styles and Taylor Swift in the same room was bound to get brought up at some point in the next 24 hours—maybe less.

Harry frowned, seeming genuinely confused. “Pardon?”

“‘S what they call you and Taylor.”

“…Why?”

“Oh, boy…” It was going to be a long night.

[xshybutdeadlyx]

Questions for the demiromantic and demisexuals out there

Ok, so I've recently found this term thanks to an aroace character from a show I watched. I knew of the sexuality but I didn't really know the specifics because I always thought I was bi but now looking into it I didn't know how aroace was like a literal umbrella and there was so much more to it then meets the eye. Which I'm 30 I feel like I should know more than what I do. But with doing research into it trying to understand it better, I learned about all the terms, and I learned about demiromantic and demisexual and it really resonated with me. But I wanted to ask for advice, I guess? Like I like romance I love reading it seeing art and what have you but when it comes to romance for myself I'm not a big fan? And maybe it's because I literally have to unlearn so much romance equals a, b, and c when that's not really true. I literally been in only one relationship in my life and it consisted of hand holding small kisses (no tongue, honestly I have an ick with spit and the only reason I "wanted" to do deeper kisses with the boyfriend I had at the time was because I felt like it was a requirement) but I honestly didn't feel attraction towards him until after getting to know him and being friends with him for months well into almost a year. And he's the only one I ever felt that way for I hardly ever had crushes or when I did I almost kinda forced myself into having them if that makes sense? It was "natural," and every kid was supposed to have crushes. Nothing ever came from the "crushes" though.

Now, like I said, I'm well into my 30s, and the relationship I just mentioned was the only relationship romantic wise I've ever had. I have had strong feelings for two of the friends I have but one friend is straight as they come and the other is married lol the one that is married though we have a strong bond that I wouldn't trade anything for. She tickles my hand, and she lets me cuddle her all the time, and we just spend nights just playing games together, just like when we were in high school. I love her so damn much, and I'll cherish what we have even when we are both dead and gone. She is my forever person.

Sorry, I went into a mini rant about my platonic love, but she's the best, and when I start talking about her, I have to gush lol, but anyways back to my sexuality crisis

So anyways, when there is even a chance of someone having an interest in me, I honestly kind of freak out. Or like if someone tries to set me up with someone, red neon flashing warning signs pop up for me. I don't know that person, and honestly, I get put off by big romantic gestures. Like, I appreciate it, but I don't think it's necessary? Can we just go get McDonald's, sit in the parking lot, and just shoot the shit? Play some games? We can watch movies or shows too.

I've also been on the dating websites and such as well, and I'm just always immediately put off. "Hello beautiful," ugh. "Insert pickup line here." please God why. "Unsolicited romantic or sexual advances right after a day of talking." Haha, no. There was literally one guy I thought was cool and we kinda flirted but it was really just talking everyday about the games we were playing I feel like if given time a connection could of been built but he ended up finding someone else immediately. Which honestly was fine I was kinda bummed but like if he wanted romance immediately, I wasn't gonna be giving that to him. I wanted to still be friends, but apparently, we had "too much history," so he ended up blocking me. lol oh well.

I've also literally only have had two "crushes" in like in a 5 year time span (only because this is what I can remember lol) one of em was so goofy and seemed so fun but then it seems like they turned out to be very self absorbed instantly done the other had baby mama drama wasn't into that. Honestly, those things seem to be things that could be worked through? Maybe? But once I just see something off-putting, it's all I see, which seems more like a personal thing because of past traumas.

As of now I'm honestly content with no romantic relationship but I feel like I do want one but I don't want one with just anyone and it just doesn't seem like many people out there are willing to wait or willing to be friends first and want to hop into relationships immediately when I very much don't. It takes me a while to be comfortable with people, and I want to get to know them as a person.

For a long time I felt like I just wasn't doing things right or that I had to actually change something that I was doing. I thought I was wrong or that I should just force myself into the uncomfortable situation of being someone's girlfriend immediately but then if it turns out I just don't have those romantic feelings then there the whole process of hurting them which is just anxiety inducting.

Also, with all that I'm saying, it does go into the demisexual portion, too. I've still never been with someone sexually because even in the one relationship I have had, I haven't met someone I've trusted to give myself to. The thought of one night stands or anything of the like just makes me wanna crawl into myself. I don't mind anything sexual but I want to be with someone sexually that I trust and care about with my whole being, not some dude Craig or some chick Wendy from Tinder. I'm content with that, but a lot of the times, I'm almost made to feel bad because I haven't done anything sexual. But boy, can I read all the smut on Ao3. Like it all in theory, but dunno about in practice lol I just don't have much of a drive in general, but I don't know if that's just because I've never been with anyone before? I keep getting told, "As soon as you're with someone, your sex drive changes," and like, does that shit really happen? Lol

All in all, I really feel connected to the terms demiromantic and demisexual. Even when I just said I'm bi, it just never felt right, but for once, I feel like I finally found something that I felt connected to and finally found me. But I guess I also wanna feel like I'm right in assuming so? I dunno I feel like it'd be disrespectful in using a label that isn't really you? Which doesn't sound right because everyone has the right to find themselves, and sometimes people go through a list until they finally find themselves, which is what's happening to me right now. But my feelings also just get jumbled up and I have a hard time distinguishing what's been conditioned in me, like how you date, you get into a relationship, ya do couple things, then you get married ect. When all I wanna do is get to know you, really know you, then actually date but even then I feel like a lot of my stuff is more on the platonic end? Like, I like cuddling and kissing, and I do like romance but on a more tame level? I kick my feet when reading "he bought her all these extravagant gifts then he swept her off her feet and dipped her into a kiss" so cute but like if I was actually in that situation like bro put me down for real and I'm so awkward when given gifts lol

I dunno I'd just would really like to discuss this with others who have found themselves because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this. I've talked to my friends and they of course support me and love me but I feel like they don't really get it? And my family just chalks it up to " Ya just don't have a lot of experience it'll all change when ya get out there and mingle with people"

Thanks in advance for reading all this if ya made it this far I know it's a lot of word vomit as I like to call it but I don't have very organized thoughts and I just kinda write what I'm thinking in the moment lol