#and those are the main two i read fanfic about so they’re the ones i’m counting

[miuszn]

i’m actually so obsessed with your bouncer!ellie.. we need a fic immediately 🤭 -🪐

taste of lust

SETTING : modern au

WC : 5011

WARNINGS : sexual harassment ( nothing graphic ) ( but reader is sort of implied to have trauma related to it , nothing stated explicitly tho ) , bouncer!ellie x bottlegirl!reader , idk shit about clubs so like some stuff might be insanely inaccurate but i did my best to research ( sorry in advance ) , dash of dealer!ellie bc who doesn’t love her , dom!ellie , sub!reader , teasing , overstimulation if u squint , ellie calls u pretty girl & princess , readers first time with a strap , ellie refers to her strap as her cock , i’m not fluent in english yet so there might be mistakes , not beta read

A / N : hello everyoneeee !!! i know this took FOREVER to finish and i’m so sorry about that .. i’ve been super super busy and this fic was so long omg T_T there was a point i started over completely bc i didn’t like the direction it was heading to .. this fanfic shit gets serious truly . in case u missed the warning there is sexual harassment in this fic and reader is implied to have trauma related to it . putting this here again to make sure u guys see it . anyway , i took so long to post this and so much stuff happened !! but alas , it is here , the bottlegirl!reader and bouncer!ellie fic !! this is my fav fic of mine so far so i hope u guys enjoy reading this as much as i liked writing it <3 ( and yes there will be a part two !! )

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

being a bottle girl wasn’t exactly the job of your dreams. having to deal with creepy rich men every friday and saturday night was definitely not something you enjoyed doing, but that was what paid the bills and allowed you to live a rather comfy lifestyle for a college student. the bad part no one tells you about going to a top college on a full-ride scholarship is that a lot of the students are rich kids who most definitely cheated their way through high school, who live in nice apartments paid for by their mommy and daddy, who use birkins and other designer brand bags as their school bags, who would never be caught dead eating at the cafeteria. of course, you felt out of place. you weren’t exactly poor, but your family definitely could never afford that kind of lifestyle.

you’re pretty. extremely pretty. and you knew you could use that to your advantage. so when you saw a new club in the city that was looking for bottle girls you immediately knew you had to apply. sure, you had to deal with a couple creepy customers every night and sometimes even had to remind them they’re not allowed to touch you, which was annoying. you also hated being seen as an object, and you knew that’s exactly how these men saw you, and what was even worse was those very unsettling “you remind me of my daughter” comments from older men since you were so young. but the money was the main thing you needed, and you were able to put up with all this because of the pay. although the salary itself is just enough to survive, most of your earnings were in tips, and you made good tips. with a little bit of flirting and pretending you were really into customers, you scored lots of tips in the hundreds and sometimes even thousands. that wasn’t really enough for you to be able to afford luxury items whenever you wanted, but you were able to treat yourself every once in a while and that was enough for you.

you and your coworker ellie are the only college students that worked at that club. she wasn’t a bottle girl, however, she was a bouncer. during busy nights the bouncers typically took turns being at the door, and the rest would be inside the club making sure everything was fine. she didn’t mind being inside, it meant she could steal glances at you. truth was, she was into you, and it was obvious. but you took it as her just wanting to get a reaction out of you. that’s what it seemed like. but you can’t lie, whenever she wasn’t looking, you’d stare back as discreetly as you could.

she was a little possessive over you, which you weren’t really aware of. whenever she saw you flirting with customers, she couldn’t deny she felt a little jealous. she of course knew you were just trying to get more tips. regardless, she still couldn’t stand seeing the way you twirled your hair, spoke in that sweet and flirty tone, and even sometimes gave them compliments, and the fact it wasn’t towards her. she wanted it to be her, and her only. she wanted you to be hers. but she never did anything aside from flirt with you a little every once in a while, because she was scared she’d make you uncomfortable.

ellie. where does one even begin to describe her? her strong arms, her short auburn hair she styled as a mullet or put in a half bun when she felt a little lazier, her mesmerizing green eyes. from the moment you laid eyes on her you found her extremely attractive, but you were too shy and didn’t know how to approach her. what’s funny is this is the total opposite of the character you put up for your customers, an extroverted, flirty girl. the thing with you is, you can flirt with people, but only when you’re not attracted to them. when you are, such as in cases like these, the main thing you do is avoid avoid avoid. you rarely had the opportunity to interact with each other, but when you did, you always felt she was trying to subtly flirt with you. it was the kind of flirting where it was hard to tell wether she was flirting with you or just being nice, so you simply took it as being nice because you didn’t think there was any possibility she could be into you. she was just out of your league. even if it was flirting, you didn’t know if she had any other intentions. so you decided to play it safe.

that night was different from the others. your boss informed you that there’d be a bachelor party tonight and surprise surprise, you’d be serving them. the thing about bachelor parties is they’re very demanding and their tips can vary a lot. and demanding in your vocabulary is basically a synonym for entitled. they’ll insist you sit down, have a drink with them, maybe even try to grope you or something. you were not happy about having to deal with them tonight, but your boss told you they were short-staffed tonight, so you’d simply have to suck it up.

the moment the group of about 15 men came in, ellie sensed something was wrong. she rejected about half of them at the entrance before being informed by her supervisor that it was a bachelor party. she didn’t really care. she knew they were up to no good.

“i really don’t think we should let ‘em in.” she crossed her arms.

“any good reason?” he asked, annoyed.

“something just feels.. off,” she whispered, “i dunno. feel like they’re up to no good.”

“i don’t pay you to do ‘vibe checks’ on people.”

“i still don’t think we should let ‘em in. feels like they have bad intentions. have you seen how they’ve been eyeing the rest of the female staff?”

“big deal, this is a night club,” he brushed her off. “that’s how men look at women in nightclubs, williams. suck it up.”

“that still doesn’t-“

“do you want to keep your job or not?” he snapped.

she sighed and rolled her eyes, defeated, and hesitantly let the group in. her eyes were glued on them until they sat down at a table, the feeling in her stomach worsening when she realized you’d be dealing with them. it was one thing for any of the other girls to have to deal with them, but for some reason, she found herself way more worried about you. you were newer to the job and a little younger than the other girls. she couldn’t bear the thought of someone possibly harming you, or taking advantage of you, or anything like that. she felt this strange desire to protect you, something she hadn’t really felt towards anyone before. she felt this way toward you, yet she barely knew anything about you.

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

tonight was going to be a long night. the moment those men sat down, you could immediately tell. you could tell by their piercing gazes, which you swore you could physically feel even though you weren’t looking at them, that you’d have to remind them several times they can look but not touch. you heard them whispering stuff to each other while looking at you and then laughing and hitting each other as if they were a group of teenagers. you took a deep breath, put on a smile, and finally went over to their table.

“hey boys,” you greeted with a flirty tone, “anything i can get you guys today?”

“yeah, a piece of that ass.” one of them said, while the rest laughed.

you faked a giggle, trying to do your best to handle this professionally, as you would with all the other annoying customers.

“anyway,” you continued, “do you guys have anything in mind? if not, you can take a look at the stuff we have over there at the bar.” you said, while pointing at the bar.

“we’ll need a moment, babygirl.” one of them replied, holding out his credit card.

you nodded, took the card, and quickly walked away. you absolutely hated that nickname. before you took this job, you didn’t really mind it. but when you started getting called it by basically every single customer you eventually grew to hate it. if you hadn’t been working, you at the very least would’ve given them a death stare or contemplated telling them off (even though you knew you’d never have the balls to do anything of the sort.)

after a couple of minutes, one of them whistled at you to get your attention. strike two. another thing you very much hated. now you were even being treated like an animal. who the hell do they think they are?

you walked over to them and plastered a fake smile on your face and asked if they were ready.

“we just wanted to know what you recommend. i’m sure you drink lots since, you know, you work here.”

some of them chuckled, and you didn’t really get what was funny. but you decided to not start anything and just answered the question.

“well, we have lots of options,” you responded, “we have many of the classics you can find anywhere else, and we also have some that are less common. we just got the louis xiii cognac which is very hard to find, so i’d recommend that one.”

“yeah? are you just saying that ‘cause it’s the most expensive?”

“if you want less pricey options, we have those too.” you replied, avoiding the question. of course you were suggesting it because it was the most expensive. that’s kinda your job. you’re supposed to make money.

“we can afford it.” one of them said.

“yeah, bring us that one.” another chimed in.

you smiled and nodded, walking away. gosh, you felt them draining any energy you had every second you spent near them. you carefully took the bottle and put it on your tray, and grabbed a few glasses and put them with the bottle. you made your way over to their table, placing their glasses in front of them one by one, and although you weren’t looking at any of them, you knew they all had their eyes glued on you. you tried your hardest to pour their drinks quickly enough so you could just get out of there, but not too quickly that they’ll notice. unfortunately for you, they caught onto what you were doing.

“why’re you pouring so fast, babygirl? you in a hurry?”

tonight was going to be a long night.

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

ellie couldn’t wait for her turn at the door to be over. she made sure to peek inside every chance she had, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t eyeing you. she couldn’t help it. she couldn’t stop looking at how the black shorts and black baby tee you wore hugged your body and showed off your figure, and she had never been more grateful for the existence of the uniform. but above looking at you because of how attractive you were, she wanted to make sure you were safe. she had dealt with lots of men like them before, and she wouldn’t hesitate to kick them out if things escalated even the slightest bit.

after a while, her supervisor dismissed her and told her to stay inside to make sure nobody was causing any trouble. of course, she went over to the area you were, since there was no one watching over that area and because you were there.

“why’re you pouring so fast, babygirl? you in a rush?” she overheard one of the men speaking to you, with a sort of entitled tone. if she hadn’t been paying attention before, she definitely was now. with the way they were acting, it seemed like they didn’t notice she was there. you were clearly uncomfortable, but tried to play it off, you didn’t want to cause trouble or provoke them. she watched closely as they kept offering you to sit down and drink with them, not listening to you no matter how many times you politely told them you’re not allowed. telling you to “just have one drink, it’s fine” and “no one will know” and they “won't tell your boss.” but your boss was not the only concern. the concern was you. you didn’t know these men, you didn’t know what they could do.

but suddenly, one of the guys sitting on the edge of the seat pulled you in by the hip and forcibly sat you down. in that moment, ellie immediately went over to the table and knew she had to step in.

“sir, you’re not allowed to put your hands on the employees. i’m gonna have to ask you and the rest of your party to step outside.” she said in a stern tone.

“she willingly sat down with us,” one of them lied, “she just wanted to have a drink. nothin’ wrong with tha-“

“i saw what happened. no point in lying. now please step outside before i have you forcibly removed from the premises.”

“yeah?” he stood up to face her. “you’re just a woman. what’re you gonna do? you can’t get all of us out of here.”

“sir, back down.” she warned.

“or what?”

she didn’t respond. instead, she punched him in the face, breaking his nose. a few of his friends stood up, but before they could do anything, some of the security had already gone over to the scene and stopped them, escorting them out as ellie went with you to the break room.

“you alright?” she asked, seeing how shaken up you were.

“i’m, uh, i’m fine. don’t worry.” you responded, sitting down on the couch, still uneasy from the experience. you hated people touching you without your consent, even something that was sort of minor like this. you were already uncomfortable, and this just made it even worse. you didn’t notice ellie had sat down next to you until she wrapped her arm around you and you melted in her embrace. you felt a little embarrassed at how comfortable you felt with a girl you’ve only had small talk with prior, but you were able to push that feeling away because in that moment, you didn’t care. the fact she hadn’t judged you and said “it’s part of the job” or something along those lines, let alone saying you were overreacting was enough to tell you that you could trust her.

“do you, uh, want me to drive you home?” she broke the silence.

“i can’t. i have to finish this shift.” you mumbled. “plus, my roommate has someone over tonight. i can’t go home right now.”

“then, if you want, we can go to my place,” she suggested, quickly adding on “but just so you don’t have to stay in this environment, i’m not trying to be creepy i promise,” because the last thing she wanted was for you to take it the wrong way and be uncomfortable.

“thanks, but, i still have to go back out there and finish my shift.”

she was a little sad. if it was up to her, she’d make you quit and happily support you. she made a lot of money for a college student, between working as a bouncer and dealing weed on the side. she had more than enough to support the both of you, but she’d never talk about anything of the sort out loud.

“i can speak to management for you,” she said, “i’m sure they’ll understand.”

you accepted hesitantly, the voice in the back of your mind telling you you’d just end up fired. but that didn’t matter to you in the moment. you had to get out of there. you couldn’t stand it anymore.

ellie guided you through the back door, making sure you wouldn’t have to face those men again, holding you by the wrist with just enough strength to make sure she wouldn’t let you go easily but not too hard so she wouldn’t make you uncomfortable. she opened her car door for you, waiting a couple seconds for you to get settled in in case you needed her help for whatever reason.

the car ride was short and silent. it wasn’t the awkward kind of silence, more so the kind of silence when there’s nothing to say. it was a comforting silence, a drastic contrast from the loud music in the club that had been blasting in your ears for the past 2 or so hours. you were looking out the window, watching the city lights and buildings as you passed them. ellie would be lying if she said she didn’t steal a few glances at you when you were looking away. she couldn’t help it, you were just so mesmerizingly beautiful she couldn’t help but look at you any chance she could.

when you finally arrived at her place, you were surprised to see she had a house and not an apartment. it wasn’t a big house, but it seemed like it could house about 3 people. you were about to ask about her roommates, but almost as if she read your mind, she said;

“sorry about the mess, i uh, i live alone, so. don’t usually have people over either.”

“it’s fine,” you shook your head, “i’m just grateful you let me come here.”

she noticed you sounded like you were in a better mood. “you feeling a little better now?”

you nodded. “yeah. i guess i just needed to get out of there.” you bit your lip in worry. “but now i don’t know what to do. i’m pretty sure i’ll end up getting fired after leaving like that.”

“after what happened to you? nah. it’s understandable,”

“are you sure? i-i mean, am i not supposed to let them know beforehand-“

“you’ll be fine, don’t worry.” she reassured you. “you’re sort of new, aren’t you?”

“not really. i’ve been working there for a couple months.”

“so you’re new. got it.”

you playfully rolled your eyes. “sure, let’s say that.”

she smiled. “anyway, you wanna do anything? or do you just wanna rest?”

“i guess we could watch a movie or something,” you suggested, “if you want, of course.” you were surprised at how bold you were. it wasn’t anything too bold, sure, but that’s only true for everyone else. for you, something like that, which others might think is minor, is sort of a big deal. not only were you at this girl’s house, but suggesting to watch a movie as well. you were a bit scared that might’ve been too much.

“yeah, sure,” she replied, “you into horror?”

“uhh.. not really..” you admitted.

“it’s fine, we can just watch something else.”

“no, no, it’s fine!” you insisted. it was, in fact, not fine. especially at this time, horror was not your thing. it wasn’t a huge fear of yours or anything, but you were a little embarrassed of the fact you still got scared while watching them, sometimes even got nightmares. but no way you’d admit that to her right there. you felt you were already being too much of a burden on her, so you’d just suck it up to not bother her any further.

a few moments later, you were both on her couch watching some random horror movie she had picked out. you didn’t even know what was going on in the plot, you were way too scared. you’d argue this was one of the scariest movies, scratch that, media in general you’ve ever seen. where did she even find this sort of stuff? ellie was full of surprises indeed.

you didn’t notice you had snuggled up to her, your head laying on her chest, from the fear. once you realized, your face turned red as you pulled away in embarrassment and mumbled some apologies as you moved away. to your surprise, she lightly tightened her grip of her arm she had wrapped around you (which you only now noticed as well), telling you with no need for words that it was fine, and you could stay that way. you didn’t really know how to react to that, but you stayed. something about her was so comforting. you barely knew her, yet you trusted her as if you’d known her all your life. it was a strange feeling. you’d been on multiple dates with the same person many times before yet you still felt more of a connection with your coworker who you had only spoken to a handful of times beforehand. you weren’t even paying attention to the movie anymore. your mind was too busy paying attention to the thoughts racing in your head to process what was going on in the screen about a meter in front of you. you had lots of questions, and the more that popped up in your head, the more your heartbeat sped up.

ellie could feel something was wrong. she lightly lifted up your chin to make you face her, locking eyes with you. she asked if it was because of what happened earlier. you felt like you should look away, but you couldn’t. something about her was just so mesmerizing. you lightly nodded, not wanting to admit all the thoughts in your mind at that moment. you looked into each other's eyes for a couple seconds, before she planted a soft kiss on your lips. it was the type of kiss that happened almost as a reflex, the type that you have almost no control over. you could feel her try to pull away after realizing what she did, but before she fully pulled away you pressed your lips against hers, pulling her in this time in a deeper kiss.

before you knew it, you were straddling her lap as she placed kisses on your neck, occasionally sucking on it softly and leaving light purple marks on your skin. you hadn’t realized how much it was turning you on until you started lightly rocking your hips back and forth, desperate to get any sort of friction. ellie realized what you were doing, and placed her hands on your waist, almost guiding your movement, causing you to let out a few soft moans and whimpers.

“ellie..” you whined.

“i know, baby, i know.”

she carefully lifted you off her lap and laid you down on the couch, hovering over you. she tugged on the hem of your shorts.

“let’s get these off.” she said, as she undid the button and slipped them off you with ease, revealing your soaked cotton panties. “cute,” she thought to herself.

“i’ve barely touched you n’ you’re already so wet,” she teased, rubbing your clit through the thin cloth causing you to moan softly.

after a moment, you started to whine, tired of her teasing.

“desperate, huh?”

you broke eye contact as you looked away in embarrassment. in the back of your mind, you couldn’t believe everything that was going on. you found it a little embarassing, hooking up with a coworker you had barely spoken to prior. but as you had been doing the whole night, you tried to push those thoughts to the back of your mind and focus on the moment.

“don’t feel ashamed, pretty girl.” she said, noticing you felt a little off. something about her caring but almost demanding tone was turning you on even more.

she carefully pulled your panties to the side, sliding two fingers in, thrusting them at a slower but steady pace. this was better, but it still wasn’t enough. you bucked your hips ever so slightly, to tell her you wanted more.

“you’re gonna have to try a little harder than that, baby,” she said. she knew exactly what you meant, but she wanted to hear you say it. you whined in complaint, hoping she wouldn’t make you say it out loud.

“use your words, princess,” she smirked while locking eyes with you.

“please, ellie..” you begged.

“please what?”

“please, more..”

“good girl,” she said under her breath, speeding up her pace and thrusting her fingers inside you twice as fast as she was before, causing you to moan and whimper louder. soon you started feeling a knot forming in your stomach, making you attempt to grip the couch.

“ellie.. fuck..” you moaned.

“i know, pretty. but you don’t get to cum yet.” she smirked, suddenly pulling her fingers out.

you whined at her words and the sudden emptiness inside you, as ellie softly chuckled at your reaction. she found it so cute. she found pretty much everything about you to be cute.

she stood up, and went to grab something from her closet. it was a bright purple strap, and it was quite big. you weren’t sure it would even fit inside you. you watched as she effortlessly took off her pants and put the harness on, walking back to the couch and positioning herself, the tip right in front of your entrance.

“i want you to cum from my cock.”

she started sliding it along your slit, coating it in your slick, causing you to whine a little, before positioning it once again in front of your entrance and slowly sliding the tip inside you easily.

you were still a little scared since you had never done anything like this before. you’ve gotten fingered before, sure, but this was the first time someone used a strap on you. especially one this big.

“ellie..”

“hm?”

“i’ve never, uh,” you stuttered, “done something like this.”

“never gotten fucked with a strap before, huh?” she said, “i could tell. you seem kinda nervous. but relax, princess, i’ll take care of you.”

the nickname only turned you on more. you didn’t get why you loved it so much. it had never crossed your mind, yet you were now sure it was your favorite pet name ever.

with that, she started slowly sliding it in, looking at your facial expressions to make sure she wasn’t hurting you. surprisingly, you were able to take it all. she started thrusting it at a slow pace, gradually speeding up, but not quite fast yet. she definitely wanted to fuck you way harder and faster, but she wanted you to get used to the feeling first.

after a few thrusts you started to get used to the feeling, and it was amazing. she sped up her pace a little more, gripping your thighs, and this time she was able to locate your sweet spot, and boy was she about to abuse it. she hit it with every thrust, making you twitch and moan at every wave of pleasure.

“good fuckin’ girl,” she praised, “already taking my cock so well.”

“ellie.. please..” you begged, between moans, “faster..”

“yeah? you sure you can handle it, tough girl?”

you nodded, and she immediately sped up. she fucked you a little faster than you expected, and it was a little too much, but the overwhelming pleasure was, at the same time, addicting. the sounds of your moans and whimpers, her groans, and your wet cunt filled the room. soon, that familiar knot in your stomach started forming again, except this time it was much more intense, causing you to try and grip the couch once again. she realized what was going on, and started using her thumb to rub circles on your clit. you started tearing up from the overstimulation which was the littlest bit painful but also overwhelmingly pleasurable.

“i wanna hear you say my name, baby,” she demanded, “i know you’re close.”

and almost on cue, you came all over her cock as you moaned her name, just as she demanded, as she fucked you through your orgasm and finally pulling out with a slight pop.

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

it had been about an hour since you finished your.. activity. she insisted on getting a bath started for you, and now there you were on her bed, in one of her t-shirts that was a little big on you, freshly out of the bath. you texted your roommate before getting in the bath to tell her you wouldn’t be coming home tonight, and of course, she didn’t mind that at all.

not only were you on ellie’s bed, but you were cuddling her, trying to sleep. she told you you didn’t have to, and that she just enjoys sleeping with body warmth, but you knew better. maybe it was true, but it sure as hell was not the only reason. but you didn’t mind. you acted stupid and like you bought her story, because truth is, you really wanted to cuddle with her, and you were even thinking of similar excuses if she hadn’t brought it up first.

“you awake?” ellie whispered.

“mhm, sort of.” you replied, in a sleepy voice.

“i just, uh,” she paused for a moment, “i just wanted to know. when will i see you again?”

“on our next shift together.” you joked.

“no, dummy, i mean like this.”

you thought about it for a moment.

“i guess we’ll see,” you responded softly, “i’m pretty sleepy. i think we should talk about this later.”

she seemed satisfied with your response, but she still had the fear you were only saying that to be polite, and you didn’t want anything more or didn’t want this to repeat. of course, she’d respect you if that was the case, although she’d be a little disappointed. but she felt there was something more there, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. you weren’t like any of the other girls she’s hooked up with before. she wasn’t exactly sure what set you apart from them, but she knew there had to be something.

maybe it was just feelings.

but even if it didn’t seem like that was the case because of your shy personality, you wanted something more. just like her.

[walli3darl1ng]

Hello!!! Me again! Dang I've been requesting a lot lately I need to take a chill pill!

Anywho I'm here to request two fanfics but separately you know okay here are the ideas I'm going to give you you choose either one cuz I'm going to minimum minimize my requests cuz I feel like I'm taking over your requests, lol!

#1: ghost wally x ghost investigator reader

How they met: reader was investigating the old abandoned building of the welcome home studio

And found the dolls of the welcome home cast they took him home and that's how the ghosts of the welcome home cast attached to them cuz the reader was the only one that took good care of them in years. And one day wally decided they are going to introduce themselves to the reader.

#2: Moon themed reader x welcome home cast.

Just reactions and or interactions to a Moon themed reader.

maybe like they were a puppet that came to 'life' for a daycare sort of like Moon from security breach but instead of a robot a they're a puppet!? And they were bought out by the company to welcome home!

+ if they have experience with helping children with mental problems.

From: a new friend 🌜/moon

To: 💖you💝

(I love both of them! And I’ll write the first one since I believe the second one was required by another anon. But I’m here to serve you some food!! …finally after what seems like decades..hehe)

Normal people may do a lot of different things when they’re bored and want something to do. Call friends, go to the movies, go for a walk, maybe even scroll on their phone.

Not you, you’re more adventurous then that. You’ve walked the park a million times, you’ve gone to the movies more then anyone should and frankly all your friends rather be in their shell. You wouldn’t mind it if they didn’t do anything, just the thought of them being there satisfied you.

But none of those are happening so you just decided to walk and let natural take its course. You are looking for something, not sure what, but something so you have your digital camera and started filming.

Soon you glance up to see they Mother Nature has decided to take you to the abyss because she led you to an abandoned building, surrounded by a wire fence and some signs, looking around you see it’s pretty far away from the main road, what kind of building was this? A factory of sorts?

You shrug and find a place to get in. Finding an opening in the wires you carefully slip in and walk towards the building.

It took you a while to actually get in this place has been shutdown pretty good but the druggies or homeless people found a way in and mark their territory but it seem years ago.

Turning on the flashlight on your phone you set off on your adventure in this abandoned factory? Maybe you should find clues on what this building actually is. And doing just that you find a bulletin board in one of the hallways and squint at a piece of paper;

Welcome home brand new special!

Coming soon later this year!

As you move further down the hall you see other special posters of the show ‘Welcome Home.’ You wonder if you ever watched it when you were little or if it stop airing before that. You don’t quite remember if you did or not.

You see another paper, a news report about the show,

Welcome home canceled?!

Read about the scandal involving debts, overworked employees and a mysterious curse!

“A curse?” You whisper to yourself as you continue down the hallway. This is getting a little more interesting.

There was this kid’s show and it seems to be very popular and then gets canceled after some years over some debts; which you can see happening with a big show like this it doesn’t surprise you that they’ll pay money to make it appealing for kids.

Overworking employees? Well, duh! This show looks like it’s come up with special events and episodes like it’s nothing, you can imagine they would work their employees to death!

Now for the curse that’s a little far, right? The show can’t be canceled over some curse that didn’t get proven. That’s just how the writers get to their audience. Say some random, crazy thing and they’ll come running.

It does make you wonder, if their is a curse, what would that curse be? Did the creator of the show sold their soul for a successful business? Maybe asked for help and couldn’t live up the the consequences? This is definitely getting your blood pumping! You’re so hyped to keep exploring and it starts with opening some of these doors!

Door number one was a storage unit, so nothing there besides boxes of supplies which looked to be already cleared by other passing people.

Door number two was a set, with lights and some fake houses, some props and cameras. It looks like the people just up and left without clearing anything, that, you found weird.

And lastly door number three! You had a feeling about this one, Can it be an office with all the answers Inside? Maybe a safe with money? Or or maybe a document or letter about the curse?!

Twisting the door knob you take a deep breath and swiftly pushed it open to find…

Another storage unit.

“Great..” you sighed and step forward to see what’s in here and as you take a step you gasp when you hit a box almost making you trip. “What the—“

Looking down you see the box was slightly open and glancing to the side you read the words ‘puppets’

Filled with curiosity you take the box and slide it out the room and kneel down to see what’s inside and to your surprise you see the whole crew of ‘Welcome Home’ in the box. All the puppets you saw on the posters where here. But why? Wouldn’t they be taken or something?

“Guess Not.” You shrug and tilt your head you remember your friends telling you they are gonna clear this area for a new building, and well, you can’t just leave this here…right?

…

“You’re insane.”

“Hey! Be nice.”

“How can I! You brought a box filled with dirty, musty, creepy puppet dolls you found in an abandoned building!” Your friend scolds you as you hold a sleepy, dirty artist puppet you found out to be Wally Darling from the show. All the rest are clean and sitting on your desk.

“Well they’re clean now, and their not creepy,” you argued and gestures to the clean crew. “Look they’re adorable.”

“Great, you’ve lost it,” your friend drops their arms to their side before gesturing to Wally. “That one is still dirty. Oh, gosh and you’ve been clinging to it since you got it.”

“You’re just mad,” you dismissed them and turn Wally to face you. “Don’t listen to them, they don’t mean it.”

“I do mean it don’t listen to them- what the fuck am I doing talking to a puppet!”

You laugh as you stand up and walk over to your bathroom to clean Wally up. You know your friend is just as weird as you are but you embrace it more then they do.

“You really wasted you month on getting them clean, what’s your plan after?” You hear your friend call out to you from your room, you glance over to see them holding Barnaby with a smile. “Sell them?”

“No! Imma keep-“

“No your not, where are you gonna put them?” They raise a brow at you and hold one arm out to gesture to your room the other holding Barnaby. “If you haven’t noticed, your room is a plushy abyss, you don’t have room.”

“I’ll just make room.”

“Good luck.”

“How about you take a few?”

“I wound but you know how the partner in crime would be.” You hear them as they cuddle up to Barnaby while scrolling on their phone. You coming back after washing Wally and letting him to dry.

“You should break up with them-“

“And you should see a therapist but are you gonna do it?”

“Bitch-“

…

It’s been a few months and you were waken up by another bang coming from the kitchen.

This has been happening a lot even since you brought the crew into your home. Constant bagging and footsteps, would hear whispers and things moving. Yeah it was scary but you ghost hunt all the time so this is the perfect opportunity to do an in-home ghost hunting.

Getting out of bed you get your makeshift board and slip on your slippers. Rubbing your eyes you silently make it in the kitchen and set the board on the countertop.

“Okay ghost, whatever is here. You wanna keep me up? That’s cool but now you gotta answer my question.” You spoke as you slide a chair over and plot on it. “Got it? One bang for yes, two for no.”

You wait a few seconds and you hear a bang on the far end of the hallway. You gasp and straighten your back, that definitely woke you up. “Okay…um, I didn’t think this far so give me a minute.”

Another bang, this one is intelligent! You have to act quickly! You click record on your little EVP to get voices and continue.

“Erm..okay! So are you evil? Like are you gonna hurt me in any way?” You wait for a bit and didn’t hear anything so you kept asking questions.

“Whats your name? What can I call you?”

Nothing.

“Okay..” you take the recorder and stop it then replayed it and held it up to your ear.

“What’s your name? What can I call you?”

“Wally….Darling…”

“What?!” You pulled away before rewinding it and hearing it again for a few times and it sounded like it said Wally darling. “No way…”

You rush up to your room and pick up Wally from your desk, you stare into his sleepy eyes before taking him to the kitchen with you, you set him next to the board and then set a indicator.

“Okay, Wally? If you’re here can you move this thing right here?” You pointed to the Indicator in front of you and glances at the puppet. “It’s okay, I just wanna know if it’s you.”

After what seemed like minutes, the indicator started to move and it started spelling something over and over again. “Woah, Buddy, slow down I can only spell so quick. One more time. Slowly.”

B.

E.

H.

I.

N.

D.

Y.

O.

U.

Behind. You.

“Behind you? What…” you froze when that phrase proceeded in your mind and you look over at the puppet and see that it’s looking behind you. “Im gonna die, aren’t I?”

You gulp down your nerves and slowly turn around to be met with the same sleepy, mesmerizing eyes you grew to enjoy.

“Hi, neighbor~”

~~~

(I feel iffy about that one, like I definitely could’ve done better but this is the best I got 🥲 I do have a project that I would like to give you guys a sneak peek on but idk if I should.

Okay bye!!!!)

[nerdieforpedro]

🦴

🍓

🥤

Please!

🦴 = a piece of media that inspires my writing?

Not really one set piece. More like music in general does. I often listen to lofi beats when writing or my writing playlist to set the mood of what I’m trying to write. Or it could be music I’m listening to in the car or waiting somewhere could lead to some bullet points that become a fic. 😆

🍓= what led me to write fanfic in the first place?

Going deep here aren’t you Em? 👀 lol I’ve enjoyed writing since I was little as an extension of my love of reading. First with poems and the anime fanfiction when I actually watch more anime. Now I read more manga and don’t write fanfiction about it. If one squints on A03 - I may have dabbled in Marvel characters and actors for a short time. 🫢 The took a long pause as life happened. Sometime last year as my mental health improved so did my love of writing and I hyper focused on Pedro Pascal so here we are. 🤣 I write more the better my mood is. Maybe a bit too much background 😵

🥤= recommend and author or fic you love

Ugh just one? Dammit. 😒 I shall not! I’ll do eight because there are no favorites! Only peeps we support! And I can’t really call any of them number one I enjoy them all too much. 🥰

1. @morallyinept Pretty much anything you read of Jett’s will be beautiful, sensual, take you to a far away place or have needing to remove clothing - possibly from reading the same fic. 😆 She covers a wide variety of Pedro characters and is a wealth of knowledge on them. She also is just really talented and sweet.

2. @maggiemayhemnj Sure Ms. Payday doesn’t have a long Masterlist but every fic on there is worth reading for her turns of phases, vivid descriptions and her love of both Joel and Ezra. 💕

3. @megamindsecretlair One of my fellow black writers who keeps readers thirsty and eager for more with her Sam, Bucky and Loki series (all of which I need to catch up on or finish 👀) and is a hilarious person as she is kind.

4. @soft-girl-musings Another fellow black writer who’s “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps” 1920’s or 40’s (I’m not great with telling time obviously 🙄 ) has me wondering what’s going to happen next, what is going on in that club and where else am I going to see curly haired Marcello is going to pop up at. 🤣

5. @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin The Mistress of Agnst. Her masterlist is for those who aren’t afraid to explore the darker side and stories that may not have happy endings but you’ll still feel satisfied that to finished it. To feel another type of satisfaction, you’ll need to read her smut and seek your other completion there. ☺️ You’ll be thankful for both rides.

6. @pedroshotwifey A newer moot to me who has equal parts smut, agnst and dabs of darkness in there. What can I say? I like dark fics if they’re just right. Like I like my crime dramas and cop procederals. 🤣 She and I have a good time supporting each other and exchanging thots. Her “To The Flame” series has set the reader up for what may be a spectacular fall or maybe she’ll find her way out? Only she knows.

7. @magpiepills Ezra’s second wife (because @morallyinept is his first wife and I think @maggiemayhemnj is the paramour - because it sounds fancy) The amount of filthy things she’s had him do both with one arm and two is something everyone should read twice. I also especially enjoyed her fic “Aquarius” which a whore version of Javier Peña that spoke strongly to me. Or maybe parts of me, let’s not split hairs. 🤭

8. @angelofsmalldeath-codeine She’ll say she’s not a writer. BUT as all writers know, we don’t do very well if someone isn’t reading stuff we toss out into the ether. Hemmy is as supportive as they come, reblogging and offering many a thot as both the High Chancellor of the Horny Delegation and as a friend. ❤️ Plus she supports my very soft bois Dieter and Javi G. 😆 She I think was one of the main reasons I wrote more of “Weddings 101 with Dieter.” She asked me something along the lines of, “is there more to this? This is a very cool or unique premise.” As she well knows, just tell me I did something well and I’m happy as a pearl in a clam. 🤣

Fanfic author ask game

Thanks for the ask Em! Just know I pretty much write paragraphs because I gotta explain. 🤭 I’m Nerdie and I’m wordy. 😚 I had to make one bad joke. You have to be able to tell it’s me.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Do my symptoms align with autism?

I’ve been looking into whether I might be autistic recently. I’m not self-diagnosing. I just suspect I might have autism, and I wanted to put this here to see what other people think.

Reasons why I think I am:

1. Stimming

This is definitely the main one. I think I stim way more than a neurotypical would, even when I was a kid. I pace, I walk in circles, I spin around over and over and over and over again and I don’t really get dizzy. I especially like to listen to music while doing this.

Before spinning in circles, I used to pace around in circles with my hands clenched together. It sort of helped me focus and think and daydream.

I do the spinning thing multiple times a day, and if I’m forced to go a few days without it, I get antsy and a little frustrated. (When I spin, I do it on the hardwood floor, keeping my balance by placing my hands on the back of the couch, and doing it on carpet is a lot harder. This is my favorite “type” of stim, so if I’m on a vacation where we’re at a hotel without hardwood floors, that’s why I can’t do it sometimes. But then I will anyway on carpet because I just have to.)

I do tend to rock when I’m by myself — or, swaying is more like it, but yeah, rocking too. I’ll sway a bit more than I will rock.

I’m literally pacing in circles as I type this out lol.

2. Hyperfixations/special interests

(Are those the same thing, or two different things? Please correct me if they’re classified as different things.)

I have what I’d call special interests — gender, Amphibia, Dork Diaries. I look up genders and try to learn as much about them as possible, everyday.

For Amphibia and Dork Diaries, I usually just read fanfic or write my own. The other thing I do a lot is daydreaming, though, and those are the top 2 things I daydream about. I’m constantly in my head, and I’m usually daydreaming in the back of my mind, like, all day. (About those two things.)

The thing about my hyperfixations are that I don’t talk to other people about them. (I don’t like talking in general, really.) I just keep them to myself and learn about them/daydream about them by myself. I never felt a need to share and I don’t infodump on people.

3. Fidgeting

I’m not sure if this is the same as stimming, but I’m separating these two.

Usually when I’m sitting still, I’m fidgeting. I’ll be tapping my pencil or foot 90% of the time. I do it a lot, and I don’t even notice sometimes when I do.

I don’t know where to put this either, but I also bite my nails. I don’t just bite them either, I pick them off. It calms me down and helps me relax or gives me something to do when I’m nervous or just plain bored. (I’m well aware this isn’t healthy, please don’t attack me in the comments section.)

4. Procrastination (executive dysfunction?)

I know lots of people procrastinate, but I think what I experience lines up more with executive dysfunction. (Which I’ve learned is also a trait of ADHD, so I don’t know if I have that instead.)

It’s so so hard to focus on a school task or something that’s boring. Or even something that’s exciting, like writing on a fanfic or book, I procrastinate on so much. I set plans to do things but I don’t get them done. Even when it’s something stupidly easy to do, sometimes I just don’t do it. And when it’s hard, when I don’t even know where to start, it’s nearly impossible to start. (I usually force myself to get it done anyway, with big projects, but with smaller things and little homework assignments, I don’t always do. Then I kick myself for it later.)

5. Routine

I eat the same food every day for lunch, at school. (Uncrustables sandwich, yogurt, applesauce, and/or yogurt with m&m toppings I can put it in.) At home, I eat different foods for lunch — I make my own cheese burrito when we have soft shell tacos and shredded cheese. If that isn’t available, I make cheese sandwiches. If that isn’t available, sometimes I remember other things that are quick and easy to make for lunch — like pizza rolls. And if I don’t have that either, sometimes I’ll just skip lunch entirely. Or eat a small snack that doesn’t require effort to make whatsoever, but it’s usually not enough to qualify for “lunch”.

I don’t wear the same clothes everyday, but I never go shopping. I could wear the same clothes for years and be fine with it (as long as I’ve not outgrown them). The only time I get new clothes is when I see a shirt I really like. Which is usually Stitch (Lilo and Stitch, anyone?)

It’s really hard to break routine.

So there’s this thing at my school, where you can tutor/help out at an elementary school for service hours, and eventually get a scholarship to a 2-year college. The scholarship thing is major.

It took me months just to email the teacher and ask when I could come in. I’m probably severely behind on my volunteer hours. And the stupid thing is, now it’s not even hard. I just went on the first day, and it was established that I would do it every day, so there wasn’t a way I could back out anyway. And now I go and it’s no problem. It’s so stupid.

6. Social Situations

I might have social anxiety, I don’t know. I get anxious at the thought of new situations, having to meet new people, etc. I heavily dislike talking to people I don’t know. It’s why I prefer not to talk to the cashier at McDonald’s, or rehearse what I’m going to say at the restaurant.

When people ask, “Hi, how are you?”, I answer “Good, how are you?” They say something back, maybe mention a tiny bit of what’s going on in their lives, and then it’s over. For that, I have a pre-recorded answer. For other situations, as I’ll mention later, I’m actually mostly comfortable.

I speak pretty softly, and sometimes I have to force myself to a louder volume.

7. I prefer to do things on my own

I’m independent in a lot of ways, unless I need help. (And, um, not financially independent or anything, I still live with my parents.) And even when I need help, like with homework, it’s hard to let other people help me sometimes. I prefer doing things on my own.

Reasons why I think I’m not:

1. I’m fine at social interaction.

I usually pick up on social cues, and communication has never been much of an issue for me. (Sometimes I will sort of freeze up or trail off when talking, and suddenly my brain won’t make my mouth say things. Aside from that, I communicate well.) I understand that bad social interaction was a pretty big indicator of autism, but I’m not bad at it, really.

Actually, the one difference from this is that I do have pretty bad eye contact. I try to look at people’s eyes when talking because it’s polite, but then I look away, and then I look back, and then I look away, and I don’t know how long I’m supposed to maintain eye contact before looking away again. I don’t like it.

I am deaf, and I wear Cochlear Implants for me to hear. My social interaction is affected by this, as noisy situations are notoriously difficult for me to hear in. I’m asking “What?” multiple times a day lol. Sometimes I can’t hear a word the other kid is saying in school, and I just smile and nod because that’s all I can do, because it’s just too noisy. (I’m throwing this out here in case it’s something you might need to take into consideration, but it is completely unrelated to any potential autism.)

2. I don’t have hypersensitivity (I don’t think so)

Loud sounds don’t really bother me, nor do bright lights, or textures, or certain flavors or whatever. I eat the same thing a lot because of routine, not because of uncomfortable flavors or food textures. I think there have been times when everything was just a little too much. Then I usually find the nearest bathroom to calm myself down in. I don’t know if this is overstimulation or not, tho. Or if it’s specific to neurodivergency, or just me being an introvert and getting overwhelmed by people. And it’s not that often at all.

3. Very little aggression

I know that like a lot of things, autism is a spectrum. One of the symptoms is aggression, and I have very little of that. Usually when I’m frustrated with homework and my mom’s trying to help, I’ll get snappish with her (and then apologize later, because she wasn’t doing anything wrong and only trying to help).

Sometimes I do feel really mad, but I just grit my teeth and deal with it internally instead of lashing out. Like arguing in my head until I’ve calmed down and moved on.

4. Meltdowns/Shutdowns

I’m fairly sure I don’t have either of these. I think that’s also a major autism thing, one that I don’t have.

Things That I Can’t Put Into a Category Because I Don’t Know Whether It’s Indicative of Autism or Literally Just a Me Thing:

• Repeating words and phrases: I don’t do that out loud, but I will in my head

• Vocal stims: I very rarely do these, and if I do hum or make a noise, it’s usually entirely involuntary, usually because I was excited. I don’t mean to

• Repeating words: I very rarely do that also, but it has happened before. (It happened today once, when we were playing a game. Nothing came of it, it wasn’t weird, I just repeated a word my mom said — I can’t remember what it was, not a bad one though)

• Facial expression: I don’t think I have a blank-face that many autistic people do. I’m often smiling when I’m happy, or laughing at things that are funny. (Which aren’t even that funny to other people. Sarcasm makes me laugh a lot. I laugh a lot more easily than other people do.) I feel like occasionally it is hard to force myself into a facial expression if I’m not feeling that way

• Unusual posture: I literally just looked this up. I’m basically running through all of the autism symptoms and explaining mine, and this is one of them. I think I might have unusual posture. One of the things is shifting all your weight into one leg, and that’s something I definitely do, especially when I have to stand still. (And whenever I have to stand really still, and I’m not putting all weight into one leg, sometimes my knees will lock, and it’ll make me light-headed. I almost passed out one time from doing that. Never again.) I don’t really know if my posture is unusual aside from that. It might be and I just never noticed. Or it might not. I don’t know.

• Clumsiness: I never considered myself clumsy, but my brother has told me that he thinks I am. (Considering he’s my younger brother and says a lot of stuff to annoy me, take this with a grain of salt.)

• Oh, speaking of: metaphors. I think for the most part I understand them. Like grain of salt. And if I don’t, then I look it up.

• Sarcasm: kind of hit or miss with me. Sometimes I think my brain knows the other person is being sarcastic, because there’s just no way they’re serious about what they just said. But my brain makes me treat it like they are being serious, especially if their tone sounds serious. It’s hard to tell sometimes. But when I do get sarcasm, when their tone sounds obviously sarcastic, then usually it’s funny and makes me laugh

• I don’t like being away from home for a long time. Even a week gets me extremely homesick, and it feels like it’s getting worse as I get older. Maybe because I know I’ll have to move out eventually, or move away to college. Moving away for college, or moving out and far away, TERRIFIES me. This may not be an autistic thing, but I don’t know, so I put it here. Maybe it’s because my routine and my whole life would be upended. I don’t know.

• Speaking in monotone: Much like my facial expressions, I feel like I speak pretty “normally”. I don’t have a monotone voice usually. (I feel like sometimes I do, though? Not often)

• Putting pressure on the front of your feet: Apparently that’s a thing. I don’t think I do that. I don’t think I’ve done that in the past

• Decision-making: Related to the executive dysfunction thing. I think I put off big decisions. (I‘ve only somewhat-but-not-really decided which college I’m going to. And I might change my mind.)

• Sometimes when I try to joke, people think I’m being rude. I don’t know if that’s a tone issue on my part, or if the joke is in poor taste or seems more mean than just a joke (when I only ever intended for it to be a joke). Also for clarification, none of my jokes are ever racist or homophobic or anything, and I never try to be mean when I joke

• Special object: I don’t think I have one, unless you consider my phone. I don’t go anywhere without it lol. But like little things to fidget with, that bring me comfort, I don’t really have that. I just fidget with my hands, I guess.

• Verbal Instructions: Those are really hard for me to follow. If I only have verbal instructions and not readable ones, you can bet it’s a lot harder to get the thing done. I usually need a lot of clarification or things repeated to me, although that’s partially due to deafness. (I don’t think entirely, though.)

Other things about me that may or may not be relevant/important for you to know:

- I am aroace (no sexual or romantic attraction for anyone)

- I think I’m aplatonic too, and mostly anattractional (or grey-attractional, if that’s a thing). Online friends are easier for me than irl friends. I don’t even know what qualifies as a friendship

- I’m deaf (but I already explained that). I do hear with my Cochlear Implants, but I know it’s not that exact same as hearing people. I don’t know if that’s why I’m not as hypersensitive to loud sounds, or if I’m just not hypersensitive at all. (I don’t think this is something you could help clarify, though, seeing as it’s specific to me.)

I have taken a few autism tests and gotten answers like “you have moderate autism symptoms” or even “high symptoms” sometimes. For ADHD, the test answers ranged from “No” to “Potentially” to “Moderate ADHD”. (Don’t worry, I know that the tests aren’t meant to be substituted for the real thing. I just took them to try and see where I fit, if there were any indicators, etc.)

I am planning to talk to my mom soon and see if it’s possible for me to get a diagnosis. Things aren’t too hard for me right now, but I am getting older and I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to live on my own — which isn’t entirely related to this, but I feel like if I need help, I should get diagnosed as soon as possible. (If I have it at all.)

Basically, my reason for posting this was to get a second opinion, especially from people who are autistic themselves. Does this sound like autism or ADHD or something else entirely? (Is it possible to have both that have symptoms that cancel each other out?) Am I just neurotypical, but like, weird?

I want to be clear, I know you can’t diagnose me and I should see a professional. I just wanted a second opinion, in case it’s just me overthinking everything.

Also, I’m so sorry for this being so long. It’s probably a pain to read. I’m just trying to be as specific as possible.

Hi there,

I’m sorry I’m just getting to this. My goodness this was a long inbox! Lol.

This was very thorough and detailed, so it was nice to read. Nice formatting too.

I would say some traits align. But like you said, I’m not a professional. So I can’t really say. I’m curious about what my followers think too. Hopefully some chime in.

I would recommend writing what you told me here down to bring with you during an assessment, if you have one. This will be very helpful when determining a diagnosis. As it’s very detailed and thorough.

Hopefully this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[butcherlarry]

Kent farm and country Clark Headcanons

Some headcanons about the Kent family farm that @januariat requested I post about :) 

I grew up on a farm and at our peak we had a couple hundred head of beef cattle (we’ve had registered angus cattle for about 100 years, and have been farming since the family settled in that area in the mid 1800s I think?  We’re no longer at that farm, the parents moved themselves and the cattle to another one in the state, so they’re still farming).  We also did a lot of crop farming, mostly corn, wheat, and soybeans.  Dad had some hay fields that he would mow and bale multiple times throughout throughout the summer/fall to make bales as some of the food to feed our cattle throughout the year.  My siblings and I were involved in 4H/FFA growing up (my sister and I were in 4H, my brother did 4H and then FFA when he got to high school).  We always raised two steers to take to our county fair as projects (and maybe some breeding and open class projects on the side), and my brother did shop/metal working projects as well.  Needless to say, I have a lot of THOUGHTS and FEELINGS about Clark growing up on a farm in a small rural community.

I don’t read the comics (except WFA), and most of my interaction with the Superman/Clark Kent fandom has been through watching the newer movies, being in fandom discords, reading Tumblr posts, and fanfic that I’ve read.  This was just something fun for me to ponder about based on my life experiences (I also work in the ag industry, specifically the meats industry if you couldn’t tell from my username, lol)

For the type of farm, I think the Kents would have a lot of acreage do crop farming. I'm not as familiar with any specialty crops grown in Kansas, but as I stated before, the big three that were grown on my farm growing up were corn, wheat, and soybeans.  Those are pretty popular crops to grow in the midwest, so I could see the Kents growing those too. Not sure how viable it would be, but sunflowers can also grown as a crop.  I like the thought of the Kents maybe growing that because, you know, Kansas. 

If they had any livestock, it would be a small amount.  I’m not 100% sure on Clark’s current age in the comics, but if he was around before the 1980s, he might remember his parents raising some cattle or hogs as an extra way to get cash.  Unfortunately, there was a farm crisis that hit the Midwest in the 80s, and it hurt a lot of small farms.  Now a days, you have to to be raising a lot of one animal to make any kind of profit (if any).  If you’re raising hogs, you need a barn that holds 2000+ head finishing hogs to make money (I worked in one of these barns and a hog nursey that held 5000+ during covid when I got laid off from my job.  It SUCKS.  I developed a new fear in life of being eaten alive by 300+ lb pigs, but that’s a story for another day).  It’s the same with chicken and turkey as well, but I’m not as sure on the barn size.  If the Kents do have any livestock, it would be animals that would be used to supplement their diet, like a small flock of chickens for eggs, and a dairy animal (goat or cow?  Maybe goat since they’re smaller and don’t take up as much space as a cow.  Might also be easier to handle for the Kent parents as they get older, but I’ve never owned a goat before, so don’t quote me on that.  Goats are smart and are pretty good at getting in trouble, lol).  

If the Kents have any large meat livestock, like cattle, it would only be one or two, which leads me to my next headcanon, that Clark was in 4H/FFA growing up!  I love, love, LOVE the idea of Clark being in 4H or FFA while in school at Smallville, and having a beef or dairy beef steer(s) as a livestock project.  Also, Clark would show his project animals at his county fair!  I don't think he would win or do well in the main classes.  From my experience, usually it's families that are big into showing cattle, and you need a lot of money for that for all the equipment and supplies that goes with it. They also tend to travel a lot with those animals, and show them in other contests as well (maybe state fair.  If you want to hear a rant about how much I don’t like show cattle and the show cattle industry, hmu). If anything, Clark would probably do well in the showmanship shows. That's more dependent on the trust between you and your animal, and how much you've worked with them.  I can definitely see Clark working with his animals everyday, cleaning, feeding, and leading them.  You know someone has really worked with there animal if they can lead and stop them so the animal’s feet are positioned correctly without having to use a show stick to move the feet (yes, there is a correct way cattle need to stand when showing.  A lot of terminology describing the feet positions too.  Again, if you want more details, hmu).

On top of showing cattle, I also love the thought of Clark taking a shop project through FFA/4H, especially if it's welding. He could use it as a way to practice with his laser vision!  You can definitely tell a good weld from a bad weld, and I can see Clark working on his laser vision skills to improve.  My brother and Dad would work on, fix and build equipment and fences with welding, so I can also see Clark learning how to do that to help out on the farm!  And I'm sure Jonathan Kent would appreciate it since he wouldn't have to spend as much money on the welding and torch gasses and the equipment that goes with it.

Welp, those are my headcanons for Clark, the Kents, and farming.  I’m sure if you poke me, I could go into more detail on somethings, or think of more headcanons about those topics.  Most of my ag experience has been in raising beef cattle, so that shaped most of these headcanons that I have.   If you or someone else in the Superman fandom have a farming background, please tell me what your headcanons are!!  I would love to hear them!  Growing up on a farm was a big part of Clark’s life, so we need more country Clark stories!

[moreespressoformydepresso]

When I inevitably write a fanfic starring Treech where (most of) the tributes survive, I’m gonna explore how the academy students go from antagonists to helping the tributes and the mental impact it has on them, because it’s not like they’re monsters. The way I read it, most of the capitol is fine with everything happening because they don’t see the people in the district as people (shown quite literally with the whole staying in a zoo thing).

It’s something you see often in war, where the other side are considered lesser beings, not fully human, other. It’s a protective mechanism, because if you see them as nuanced human beings with thoughts and feelings and dreams and loved ones, you’ll have to accept that what your side is doing is, at the very least, no better than what they’re doing to you. Soldiers have to accept they’ve killed people who aren’t any different than they are. They’ve done the same thing they rage and cry and grieve about when it’s done to them: kill a comrade, a friend. Non-combatants have to accept that the other side has innocents too, who are turned into “collateral damage” for the sake of victory at any cost. It’s easier to cope when you have a group of people to blame, but it’s harder to blame them if you accept that they’re in the same situation as you.

In the Hunger Games, the war is over, but those who lived through it still hold on to that coping mechanism. Some sadist thought of the game, and everyone else went with it because they’re grieving and angry, and they want to see vengeance, which they can only morally justify if they hold on to that idea that the people in the districts aren’t human. If they aren’t like them. Otherwise… well, they’d be monsters. But that can’t be, at least in their heads.

I have two ideas cooking where the tributes escape. One is after the bombing (sorry Otto and Ginnee) and in the other the bombs go off too soon and the games are postponed, giving the tributes the chance to plan an escape and make a run for it. In both, some tributes (mostly Treech, because he and/or Mizzen is/are gonna be the main characters and Treech probably uses his sneaking ability to steal supplies for the group the most) get caught and are, in typical Capitol fashion, brutalized. This, again, is written off by the Capitol because tributes aren’t people. Except when the tributes escape again, one of them snaps and vents about all the shit they’ve been through, and when they’re gone and the words have sunken in, it becomes nigh impossible to ignore the obvious.

The people in the districts are people.

The tributes are children

And now that the veil has fallen and the truth stares them in the face, the people of the Capitol are forced to see what they’ve allowed themselves to become. What they’ve been for so long, which caused the first rebellion in the first place. It leads to a crisis, because now that there’s no longer an excuse for their actions, all that they’ve put the districts through comes crashing down on them with nothing to lessen the impact.

I think it would be interesting to explore, at least

[deathbyoctopi]

making a rec list so I don’t forget

It’s more or less a year since I got started in the Chinese series, and I want to share Opinions with y’all!! 😁😁

I’ll place them more or less in preference order, with tiers and whatnot, so of COURSE we have to start with:

GOD TIER (aka. The absolute best) 

The Untamed. Amazing. Can’t say much without rambling for six hours, so I’ll just say this was a wonderfully addictive thing to discover. Saw the series and donghua, read the manhua and the books, got me hearing some bits of the audiobook too and I’m going insane with the fanfics and fanart. Dead evil overlord resuscitates and meets childhood classmate, they solve mysteries and go on adventures together, which both isn’t and is an euphemism. 

---

DEMI-GOD TIER (because there’s really only one untamed):  

Heaven Official’s Blessing. Going with the books here, bc the gods immortal know when (If!) we’re getting a series of that one. But the story is interesting, the characters very likable, the main ship is downright adorable... And what little donghua we’ve got so far was delightful (praying for that one not to be discontinued, plzzz). Twink God with the worst luck imaginable meets piss-your-pants-scary Ghost King and they go on adventures together. Still an euphemism. 

The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun: Another book/manhua rec, bc I’m looking just as forward to get the series, and who knows... This one has a base concept that comes straight from fanfic dreamland!!! In the best way possible, too! Reccomending this having read only 2 books so far, but it feels warranted. Evil overlord goes back in time to his youth and decides not to repeat the mistakes of his first life. The mistakes follow him, tho. Also, he’s so horny for his shizun, who he Hates™ very much. 

Word of honor. A series so bent on showing everything they can of the main characters relationship without showing it that it may have changed the gears in censorship ^^U I found the story a bit confusing, with a myriad sects and intrigues, but the character dynamics are so fascinating!!! (Speaking only for the series, haven’t read the book). Angsty repentant master spy with a Mysterious Past wants to go die in peace, but handsome leech with a Mysterious Past says otherwise. 

---

MUST TIER (Very recommendable! I’d force-feed all those to you if I knew where you live)

Blood of youth. A series (maybe a book and manhua, idk) about a dumbass young hero that wants to prove himself in the martial art world, a mysterious youth obsessed with money and a handsome (and also mysterious) monk with almost godlike powers entangled in a conspiracy that reaches deep in the Imperial palace... Engaging story and characters, particularly the supporting roles, because even though they’re not the focus, they’re memorable enough to feel relevant. 

Scum Villain Self-Saving System. Books (NEVER mind the very short, strangely paced digital art donghua) about a man transmigrated to the martial art world from a trash webnovel he loves to complain about. He’s the villain there, and doesn’t want to be for the life of him precisely because it will kill him unless he can get in the main character’s good graces. And he does that. All too well XD

Sleuth of the Ming dynasty. A series (is there a book? I’d like to read it) about an official of the Imperial Government who solves cases. No world-breaking powers, no flying swords, just very real crime and clues and palace intrigues (the Imperial family are recurring characters). The main two characters are an absolute delight: the Detective, who is brilliant and socially clumsy, and nevertheless manages to leech off the Soldier to the point that gets in his house and manages to get a lifelong loyalty out of him. 

Thousand autumns. There’s a donghua, which is as weird and uncanny as the svsss one, but since the books got recently translated I’m going more with those. Handsome Horrible Man Extraordinaire harasses, gaslights, bullies and almost kidnaps Pretty-Faced Frail Twink, and they end up invariably together. I can barely remember the story, something something Book Of Martial Arts Awesomeness that everyone and their mother wants, but that’s irrelevant. The story is worth it just because of those two idiots. 

---

OK TIER (Recommend if you’re bored and want something entertaining, but not life-changing)

Birth of the drama king. A half-serious, half-silly series about two warring sects that sic spies on each other. One might be too successful, almost getting attached to the other sect’s leader, because (presumably) they are long-lost brothers. The story is decent, but an absolute point on its favour is the (very handsome, if only a bit lackluster) role of Song Jiyang as doctor Yan. And the fact that he’s so serious, while being the Universe’s punchbag. Seriously, he gets hilariously abused in almost every episode. Love it.  

Till the end of the moon. A long, epic battle between good an evil with a romance so strong that can (well, ought to) defy destiny and the will of the gods. If it wasn’t for all the miscommunication!!!! >:3  This one was very difficult for me to place in this list, because what is good about this series is marvelous, and what is bad (boring or frustrating) is almost painful to sit through. Of the latter, the aforementioned lack of talking skills of these two endlessly suffering dumbasses and the epic battles, which do nothing for me, though might be great for other people. And the good things... if the whole series had been like the first ten or so episodes, this would be now in the demi-god tier. The premise!!! The execution!!!! The acting!!!!! Give me the whole early stage of Tantai Jin and Ye Xiwu’s marriage, up to that new year, and nothing else!!! After that, it’s a slow but sure decline.

Stick to the script. An extremely self-aware comedy sketch show with the transmigration premise and an almost surreal beat. The main point is of course Wang Haoxuan, but it also has good puns, quick humor and at least a couple scenes so absurd I had to laugh out loud. But the episodes are so short!!! I found that very distracting, they last only 2-3 minutes each. I enjoyed it MUCH MORE finding a compilation on youtube. It lasts 2 hours in total, so it’s very manageable like that :)

Be my cat. Another series with an absurd premise, and amusingly self-aware, but sweet and occasionally fun enough to be worth a watch. The plot is about a girl who receives from her cultivator brother (who’s gone missing) a sphere with a yao cat, that escapes and possesses the dying body of a young general. The resulting human-shaped cat forms a reluctant bond with her, and she enlists his help to find her brother and the other three lost animal spheres, with their respective yao that wreck havoc. 

Dance of the phoenix. A series about a young cultivator girl whose powers and memories are stolen, so she has to fend for herself while attracting an alarming number of suitors, old rivals and admirers. The plot is serviceable at best, and the characters not very interesting... but the effects are quite good, and damn my weakness, it has Wang Haoxuan too!! The ending was mightily confusing, tho. I have no idea what that was about.  

---

PASS TIER (Watching that wasn’t technically a mistake, but... ugh) 

Immortal Samsara. Yess, it’s well-made and well-acted, but the story is soooo slow!!! And soooooo boring!!!!! The character’s actions don’t make sense more often than not, she subtleties of their behaviour clashes with some very drastic and unreasonable course of action, the lack of communication in this one is downright painful to behold... Only the second third gets a bit interesting, the stakes are higher and the characters finally less stiff and more enjoyable, but bloody hell... It’s not worth it, not at all. 

[just-antithings]

Not really an anti thing per se, but something I feel the need to vent about:

One of the reasons I feel so conflicted on the Harry Potter thing is not only my concerns about continuing to give Rowling a platform, but also just, unpopular opinion, I… kinda think the fandom can be almost as performative as the haters?

I KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS BUT HEAR ME OUT!

First off: they’re always going on about how "oh, we’re making ALL the hp characters trans to piss off the TERF!" and then you look at the fics and art and stuff and it’s like, at least 80-90% is just the same cookie cutter "Draco and Harry are gay trans men who make out 24/7 and there's some trans gay WolfStar in the background too, I guess, and also maybe black trans Hermione can have a cameo at some point as a treat, but who cares because it’s Drarryin' Time! *proceeds to Drarry all over AO3*" fics.

Like… why is it that after Rowling announced her status as a card-carrying fascist, "all the hp characters" suddenly became just Harry, Draco, Remus, Sirius and maybe Hermione if you're lucky? ESPECIALLY considering the fact that I know from experience that the fandom used to have way more diversity headcanons than this?

What about Ron "angsty because his mom wanted a daughter" Weasley? Or Neville and Hannah, who never had children (clearly, one of them is trans! Or maybe both are trans AND ace! Two groups Rowling hates for the price of one!)? Where are the Trans Dean/Seamus and Trans Lavender/Parvati fics? Trans Luna??? One of Bill and Fleur's kids being the first known male Veela hybrid in the series (literally a fuckin' goldmine of gender possibilities)???? What about fuckin' Nymphadora "gender nonconforming shapeshifter who hates her traditionally feminine name" Tonks (if ANY character would’ve been made trans or enby to spite Rowling, I’d have thought Tonks and her son Teddy would be the FIRST choices)???? EBONY DEMENTIA DARKNESS RAVEN WAY (objectively the BEST Harry Potter character)??!!!????

Part of me suspects that this is at least partly because these characters aren’t "popular" and therefore won't get the same attention as the Drarry "rivals to lovers" vibe and the All The Young Dudes spin-offs, but I can’t be fully sure of that.

And like… a lot of times it looks like their activism just, begins and ends with fandom activity? A lot of the same questions levied at HP haters ("are you supporting and/or donating to pro-trans causes?" "Are you making an effort to understand WHY TERF ideology is bad?" etc., all 100% valid questions) can also be levied against fans who make their headcanons and shipping the main source of their activism.

I’m not saying that NO hp fans are doing actual activism, I’ve seen a few examples, but it feels to me at least like the majority are not. It just seems they think shipping Harry and Draco whilst transing them to pretend it makes the TERF seethe (when really she probably doesn’t even know your fanfic exists) is a substitute for activism, just as HP haters think hating the series and patting themselves on the back for not reading it when they were twelve is a substitute for activism.

I guess the bright side is that at least the Drarry shippers aren’t harassing people? There are testimonies from trans people about hp fans harassing them, but the majority of those fans obviously wouldn’t also be writing trans Drarry fics so ehh?

Idk, like I said I’m conflicted and I need to vent. I’ve been holding this vent in for a while now.

I guess my thesis statement here is: HP fandom, if y'all really want to "diversify Harry Potter to spite the TERF", then please for the love of Glaux ADD MORE CHARACTERS AND IDENTITIES TO YOUR HEADCANON ROSTER.

.

[scythemichaelfaraday]

So now that my partner has read all of the Arc of the Scythe books I can post my fanfic / one-shot ideas. (PLEASE DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU HAVENT FINISHED THE MAIN SERIES)

It’s established that extended and successful space travel is possible and we are to believe that civilization will go on and has the best of the best amongst the first interstellar colonies (as evidenced by the excerpts by the Tonists throughout The Toll and Cirrus).

So why not propose that… however many years, decades, centuries down the line, trans-celestial communication could be a thing.

We are to believe that Scythe Faraday goes on to live however long until one of the plagues takes him as it did High Blade Tarsila and Hammerstein. Let’s say he lives until those space colonists… particularly the ones of Anastasia/TRAPPIST-1e is able to create some form of trans-celestial communication.

Imagine if one day he gets a call on his phone, which of course is unusual because he doesn’t really give that information out and there’s nobody besides Munira that he talks to enough to warrant a phone call.

And on the other line is Citra Terranova and Rowan Damisch.

Now I’m thinking it could go one of two ways- it could be a one way communication where they basically send him a video message and tell him all about what they’ve done and how their lives are going. They could introduce him to their kid if they have one (maybe the kid’s name/middle name is Michael haha).

They could finally say the goodbyes that they were never able to say that day that the rockets took off. They could say everything they wish they got to say while still with him. And that would be it, but at least Faraday knows that they’re okay and they’re thriving better than they ever would have on Earth.

The other way it could go, is of course a two-way conversation where he can actual talk back. But he’s just so shocked and overjoyed to see them after so long that he just listens to them talk and talk and talk and he has that warm paternal smile on his face.

He could briefly tell them about what’s going on: the plagues, the sympathy gleanings, updates on Munira and Greyson and Jeri (if they’re still alive, which maybe who knows).

And even after they’ve talked about everything under the sun, they just don’t want to hang up, but they eventually do because its getting late or there’s something they have to do, but now they have the ability to talk with each other until the day that they no longer can.

Maybe one day they’ll try to call him, but he won’t answer, and he always answers, whether he can talk or not, he’ll at least tell them he’ll call back. And they’ll know that their dad and mentor has finally been reunited with his dear Marie.

[artbyfinnbrown]

So I started going onto Re:Zero Tumblr and AO3 as I was finishing up season 1 of the anime.  As a result, I have been spoiled for a lot of things, but unlike other works of media, Re: Zero spoilers have been more likely to get me more interested in reading the series rather than less.

Some honourable mentions of things I got spoiled for that really piqued my interest:

Roswaal’s fun and zany body swap adventures

Subaru’s whole memory loss thing in arc 6

Ram being the “Reincarnation of the Oni God” (which wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be when I found out about it. All it really means is that she’s really good at wind magic)

Capella being Meili’s mother (although I think “mother” is just a title and she isn’t actually her mother. I think?)

Extra special shoutout goes to one of the first Re: Zero Tumblr posts I read vaguely discussing what Otto was doing in arc 8.  Meanwhile I’m still getting through season 1 of the anime going Otto? The cart guy? The guy who drove a cart that one time? THAT Otto?

But do you know what the biggest discrepancy between what I know through fanon and what I know through canon is?

Carol and Grimm.

You know Carol and Grimm, right? They’re married. Carol was an attendant to the previous sword saint. Grimm had his vocal cords injured in the Demi-human war. I know plenty about them.

But I shouldn’t.

I’m pretty sure that Carol was mentioned once in a flashback in Arc 5, and I don’t think Grimm has ever appeared in main story whatsoever.  I know they show up in the EX novels (and maybe some short stories) but I HAVEN’T READ THOSE YET. Despite that, I have a very clear I idea of who these two people are, solely on account of the fact that there are at least 3 differant Re: Zero fanfics that I can think of off the top of my head that have Carol and Grimm appear as supporting characters in some form.

[icannotreadcursive]

Fannish Fest February, day 1: My First Fandom

Prompt from @thepromptfoundry

I really have two first fandoms, that I initially got into right around the same time, and I don’t think it’s worth digging into the calendar month by month to confirm which preceded the other.

One was Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats. My local PBS station ran every filmed version available of a bunch of ALW musicals one day, and I liked Joseph, wasn’t really into Jesus Christ Superstar, but Cats just tickled my little child brain something special.

I learned the whole show, front to back, including a fair bit of the choreography. I didn’t write it down because I couldn’t really write at the time, but I was making up fic—not that I knew to call it that.

I still love the show with my whole heart, have been in a production, it’ll always be dear to me, but I was obsessed as a kid.

The other was Harry Potter.

My mom started reading the series first, cuz she was unwell and couldn’t do a lot more than read. Then, she read the first two books to me.

Then we started getting me the audiobooks read by Jim Dale, and I really ought to find a fan mail address for him and send a thank you letter because that man taught me how to read.

I’m dyslexic and learning to read was a struggle for me, but long before I was diagnosed I learned to read by reading along over and over to the first few Harry Potter books. And, come to think of it, I’m not sure but I think my mom’s original copies must have been British editions because I picked up some British terminology and spellings that I’m pretty sure the original American releases localized.

As the series went on, I grew up with it, and was introduced to the concept of fannish community through it. My first written fanfic and my first published fanfic were for HP—that first published one is no longer up, and thinking back on it I cringe, but there’s also a fondness there for my unabashed unashamed enthusiasm and the real fun I had with that obvious self insert OC.

I learned media analysis and began honing my own story instincts, sitting down with my mom with those fan theory and prediction books that used to come out between HP book releases. We’d talk through the theories in those books, discuss their merits, how likely we thought they were based on the narrative trajectory so far. There’s a few things I called years before they were revealed, and in a couple cases, before me or my mom had seen anyone else in the fandom speculate about them.

That process, starting from when I was quite young, undoubtedly contributed to molding my brain into the story machine it is now and pointed me to my career and my calling as a writer.

I went from younger than the main cast, to their age, to older than them. Now I’m closer in age to Remus and Sirius. And, not entirely unlike them, I’ve had this dear part of my growing up cut off and the associations with it tainted by a betrayal from someone I respected and trusted.

That may sound overdramatic, and yeah yeah “it’s just a book,” but the sense of betrayal and loss is real.

There’s a line that I wrote in a fic a while back, where Remus is talking about finding a happy memory to cast a patronus, and the fact that all the memories he has for that are painful now, they’re bittersweet at best, because of the loss and betrayal that have come since. But regardless of all of that, they will always have been happy moments when he lived them, and that’s what he has to remember.

That’s kinda how I feel about the Harry Potter fandom now. It will always have been what it was to me, and no one can take that away.

[sisterofficerlucychen]

i have so many thoughts and questions about s6 but i'm also Unhinged so putting it under a read more bc this is just me needing to share them somewhere??

something that has my mind spinning is all the bts content we’ve been getting because i’m too curious for my own good and i’ve fallen down this rabbit hole of trying to figure it out (i’m not going to but i have nothing better to do lmao) — we know s6 will pick up with s5 finale storyline bc that obviously needs to be resolved but what i’m so curious about is how big that storyline is? from how they set it up in 5x22, it seems to be bigger than two episodes (assuming s5 finale to s6 premiere).

what has me the most confused in terms of timeline for s6 is that 6x02 will be bailian wedding (100th episode) and we know aaron will be there so there’s gotta be a time jump at some point between 6x01 or 6x02? but then there’s tim and grey show up with facial cuts to the wedding so something happens that may or may not be connected?? 

and then all is well and bailian goes on their honeymoon which angela and nyla may or may not show up at because they all end up at the beach???

AND THEN WHAT I’M LITERALLY GONNA GO FERAL ABOUT IS LUCY CHEN IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!!!!!!

i think i’ve blacked out the bts content between john and bailey on their honeymoon and lucy in the hospital because i can’t remember what they shared in that in-between period. however, whatever happens i think will place them at the hospital for at least an episode or two? because i remember before eric and melissa shared those bts pics, jenna posted a few tiktoks at the hospital (at least one with lisseth so bailey and celina are there too - only ones maybe missing are nyla and angela?). 

sidenote: the way they’re all gonna go through in in s6, maybe??? bc there’s at least three of them now that we’ve seen with cuts and bruises for s6 that have a different placement than the cuts and bruises they ended s5 with?? lmao.

i’m literally so excited for whatever’s to come that’ll give us tim reacting to lucy getting hurt because of how he’s reacted before when she was just his rookie and now that they're canon i can’t imagine him not losing his shit over it. 

i’m also delusional and for a second was like "what if it’s an undercover op??" 👀 because imagine this - the big bad has connections to law enforcement/is or was "one of their own" aka someone from mid-wilshire so in order to flesh them out they put up some elite task force that's made up of patrol, detectives, metro, lafd, & the district attorney (aka the main cast) to scope them out and lucy goes "undercover" to get close to whoever that is and gets caught in the crossfire and that's how she ends up at the hospital?? (or bonus point delusion: she's not hurt and it's a set up) because again, they're almost all at the hospital in whatever episode(s) that'll be??? (this isn't a theory by any means, i'm just being a clown, also i don't think it makes any sense but ya girl loves drama and angst lmao).

anyway, i really hope s6 is fanfic pt. 2 because whoever let a fanfic writer into the writer's room for s5b deserves a smooch. i still can't believe we got half of the canon chenford moments that we did ♡

[aroaceconfessions]

the fact that i realised i was aroace because of star wars, literally star wars, will never not be funny to me

to set the scene: i’ve never seen a star wars movie in my life (several months later though, i’ve watched most of them). i’m searching for fics on ao3. i read a star wars one. i find it interesting, and search for more (i still have not seen these movies, and only know one or two things about the franchise). i keep reading, and eventually search for fics with asexual characters (at that point, i knew i was ace, but i wasn’t sure of my romantic orientation).

i find fics with characters who are both asexual and aromantic. i’ve seen the second term in passing, of course, but i always thought it had something to do with smell (unfortunately and a little hilariously, this is true. i never really saw it in context and my brain always autocorrected it to ‘aromatic’… anyways—)

anyways, most of these fics are about the main characters of star wars, luke skywalker. i become really invested in a character whose movies i have never seen. i write fics about them and them being aroace. i still have not seen these movies, nor claimed the aroace label.

i return home (most of this happened while i was on a roadtrip). i watch the movies, and i feel comfortable enough with the label and one of my friends to come out as aroace to them a few weeks later.

…luke skywalker being my aroace awakening is honestly not at all what i expected from 2022. definitely not complaining, though! i love this community, and i love having words for my experiences, and i love knowing what kind of relationships would make me happy.

and of course, now i also love star wars.

(this does make me wish, even more, for well-written aro and ace rep — or, hell, any rep, any more than we have now. if fanfic for movies they’d never watched could lead one person here…)

it’s… honestly, it’s been a weird journey for me, and this is obviously a slightly simplified version.

but no matter the route, i’m so glad that this was the destination. i feel so seen and understood and validated here — and i want all folks who’ve ever experienced the feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and confusion that many of us did to find their way here, too. even if they haven’t experienced all of those negative emotions, i’d be glad to have them here too. even if they’re not sure if they’re aro and or ace, i’d be glad to have them here too. anyone is welcome to take a seat at the aro and/or ace table! no matter how long you stay, we’re glad to have you

[fiveisnumber1]

Letters of a Lifetime - A “The Roadtrip” Timeless Side Story

Timeless Fanfic Main Story Parts:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35

December 1st, 1963

Well (Y/N), a lot of things sure have changed since you left. Kennedy is dead. Which I can at least say didn't hurt as much as it would've given that I knew beforehand. But still, it is a big deal and a lot of people have been seriously affected by it. I can just feel the tide of the country changing after this and who knows what will come next because of it. Well, you would know, and you told me some, but not all, so for now I'm partially in the dark.

Also apparently all of the Hargreeves have been branded as part of a large conspiracy to kill the president? They're calling them The Kennedy Six. Bet Diego is going to be pretty fucked up over that given he tried so hard to stop it. Also, they've given Diego an eyepatch and instead of saying he was kidnapped too, now Five is an undercover Soviet agent? It's all very weird. I'm sure you'll be able to read all about it in the future because it's making headlines now. Too bad they won't be able to find you all.

But onto other news that you may not have heard about because why would you? My dad died! According to the authorities, he was brutally murdered. Which in my opinion is truly the only way he should've gone out. He was a fucking asshole with a dumb shellfish allergy. Now I can eat all the crab cakes I want without it triggering him because he's gone. It was real interesting having that conversation with the authorities when they broke the news. I didn't show any emotion and put on a "brave face" because I knew those macho men would buy my stoicism as grief. I was jumping for joy on the inside though. I have a meeting with my dad's lawyer next week to fully discuss his estate, but since I'm his only next of kin I'm pretty much going to get everything. House, money, the works. And I'm already receiving life insurance checks and government benefits because he hit certain mile markers at his job.

I do have to say, even with all of this chaos keeping me busy, I miss you a lot. It's been hard waking up and knowing I have no one to see, talk to, or be around anymore. I mean Grace has kept in contact with me, but it's mostly out of grief for you. She misses you too and unlike me, she doesn't understand why you had to leave. She thinks you were kidnapped. The whole country does. And who knows, maybe the word has spread internationally. It's a big deal, they have the FBI on the search for you and rewards for any possible tips that lead to your safe return and arrests of the rest of them. It's wild.

Everything is a bit up in the air right now. The world is out of order and so is my life in a way, but as time moves on so will the world and so will I. I just have to wait to see what comes next.

August 29th, 1965

Oh god (Y/N). I don't know what I'm doing. I have a date tonight. With a girl. And it's not a friend date. It is very much a DATE date. I don't know how this happened. I mean, I do. I was at the local art store picking up some new paint colors because they get new ones in every two weeks. And I've moved slightly away from realism, although it's still my specialty, just because I want to experiment with other styles for my paintings so a wider variety of paints helps inspire me. And so every two weeks for the past four months I go get paint and so every two weeks I saw the clerk girl Madeline.

Now I had always taken notice of Madeline and she is very pretty but I never told her I thought that because that's weird, especially while she's working. But beyond her looks, she's very knowledgeable about art and we've had some really great conversations about it. She's always been super nice and always made a point to go through all the new paints with me. Now I assumed it was because I was a regular customer and spent a lot on paint.

But I was wrong. I was so so wrong and oblivious and stupid. Is this what you had gone through thinking your boyfriend didn't like you when he obviously did? Or is this different? I don't know. You're not here to tell me.

My point is, she liked me. I found this out a week ago when I went to go get paint and she just flat-out asked me to go on a date with her. And I am not exaggerating when the first words out of my mouth were "Oh with me?". She laughed and said yes but I was floored. No girl has ever liked me. I mean you liked me but that was friendship, I've never had a girl be romantically interested in me. Apparently, she thought I was really sweet but assumed I was too shy to ask her first. I did tell her that I didn't want to bother her at her place of employment and felt it would be crossing a line to try and figure out where she lived or frequented. Which is true but not true in the context of why I didn't ask her out. She seemed taken back by the statement, though it was in that good shocked way, not the bad kind.

But now I have a date tonight, and I feel so lost. You were the bold one of the two of us AND you already had a boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I've taken three showers and I've put on my nicest clothes that aren't a full-on suit. Although I'm still debating on wearing a tie or not. I never expected this to happen and I'd like for this to go well. I'm meeting her at the diner in an hour so I should head out soon. I'll update you once I get back.

......

Oh (Y/N), I think I'm in love with her. She's so sweet and so smart and everything about the night was just so perfect. I'm probably jumping ahead of myself but I just cannot get her out of my head. Okay, recap.

I got to the diner early and waited for her to show up and when she did she looked so beautiful. She had a black dress on that had golden swirls and a dark blue cardigan and white shoes. It was a little unmatched but it reminded me of Van Gogh's Starry Night painting. And oh boy when I told her that I could see her hazel eyes just light up. She told me she had worn it on purpose to replicate Starry Night because obviously, she knew I liked art. It was incredibly sweet.

And so we go inside and get a booth together, and I haven't said anything yet but she is just beaming at me with the most perfect smile. So then we both order cheeseburgers and fries and I get us a milkshake to share. I can already hear your voice talking about how "That's a very bold move for you Charles Anderson."  but I did it, I got us one shake to share and she seemed pleased. But we got to talking and we talked so much about so many things.

I told her about how I've always loved art and that it was my mom who got me started with it. She told me how she's not much of a painter but is very into drawings. She even pulled out a sketch she did of me one time I was in the store and while I was a bit surprised at first I was still impressed. Her work is so detailed and beautiful, although I think what she sees of me and what I see are two different visions. Hers is definitely a lot nicer. I talked about my art business and how it's taking off. She talked to me about how she wants to pursue art full time but none of the guys in the art world have taken her seriously which I felt was such a shame since she's so good. I even told her about you and how you were my best friend. Everyone assumes you're either still kidnapped or dead. I had to act pretty mournfully about it even though I know the truth and she was very comforting.

But the real kicker here, and don't roll your eyes, I told her about how much I love comic books and she told me that she reads them too! And specifically how she wants to be a comic book artist. We talked for what seemed like forever about comics and our favorite heroes and series and I just adored all the passion she had. Also when I made a joke about some dumb comic scene she burst out laughing and she snorts when she laughs and it's so cute.

And then after we finished our food and milkshake we just went on a walk and I was actually brave enough to hold her hand. It felt so small in mine and I was so nervous. And we just talked and talked about everything until we got to her apartment. I dropped her off and asked if I could take her out again and she said yes. And that was it. At least I thought it was. As I was walking away she called my name and when I turned back around she grabbed my tie and pulled me down to kiss her. Did I mention I decided to wear a tie? I was so shocked. I mean it was my first kiss...ever. But wow oh wow. Her lips were so soft and her lip gloss tasted like strawberries. I think time itself froze for a moment and it was like my skin was on fire. I wasn't drunk and yet I felt dizzy too. It was perfect. She's perfect.

After that, she went inside and I practically skipped my way back across town to my car I was so giddy. And now I'm here rambling to you about a girl I can't get off my mind. Honestly, if you get a chance, can you show some of these entries to Five, since I expect there to be many more, and tell him to jump the both of you back in time? I need advice or at least someone to tell me this is normal. I don't quite have much else to say but believe me when I say that I think I'm in love.

May 17th, 1973

Can you believe it? I know you've read a bunch of entries before this but wow my life has come so far since I started this journal almost a decade ago. As you already know Maddy and I got married back in 68' in a backyard ceremony at my estate with mainly her family and a few acquaintances I've made along the way in attendance. It was small and sweet and was one of the best days of my life. I know I already wrote a whole page about how beautiful Maddy looked about what, 80 pages or so ago? But I have to mention again just how beautiful she was. I was starstruck. Still am when I look at her now.

As you know we have two amazing children our daughter Ellie, named after my late mother Elenor and Eddie named after Maddy's deceased father Edward. Truly was a shame when he passed. It was so unexpected and barely 18 months after our wedding. Rough time for both of us, he was a great guy and more of a father to me than my own dad was. Treated me like his own son. But we persevered and the kids are just as wonderful as the people they were named after. Ellie is four and is getting big into finger painting while Eddie who is just about to turn two and a half has a tendency to scribble on the walls with crayons. But he mainly keeps it to one specific wall in his room so we just call it his mural wall. Maybe he'll add more stuff to it as he grows taller and older. Only time will tell.

My art business is going great and Maddy has been a huge help in that since 66'. It's been very profitable with a lot of high-profile clients, so profitable in fact that we have enough money to do something we've wanted to do for a while and open our very own comic company as an extension of the main business. We don't intend on it being very large like DC or Marvel. Honestly, the stories we want to tell probably won't make it into the mainstream but that's okay. We just want to do something that will make us happy and proud. We've started interviews with a lot of young and creative artists and we'll see how it goes from there, but the biggest thing for me is just getting to see Maddy's dream of being a comic artist come true. The ability that this business I started can do this for her, and we can do this together to make her dream a reality, it's amazing. She's so excited.

She's asked me for ideas on what the first comic series should be and I told her it was up to her, but she insists that I should come up with the concept since she's doing the drawing and wants it to be produced by both of us. She also sees me writing all the time so she thinks I have a story to tell. And I guess I do have an idea in mind. I think the first comic series should be about a pair of super-powered best friends who meet each other and then get separated through time only to find each other and go on high-stakes adventures to save the world from impending doom. Also they just so happen to fall in love but be incredibly oblivious about it for way too long. I'm thinking of calling it "In A Matter of Time."  What do you think? A little too on the nose? If so that's too bad because you're not here to stop me.

Things are good, really good, and I'm happy. Truly I am so very happy and in part, I have to owe it to you. You made me willing to go explore the world more openly than I would've if we never met in that empty conference room. Thank you for opening me up to the life I have now. You're my most important friend.

October 1st, 1989

Happy birthday (Y/N)! Welcome back into the world. I know it's going to be a little less than 30 years until the you that I know will come back into the timeline, but the first day of your life has started! Also congrats on your parents meeting, I remember how enthusiastic you were telling me the story of how they met. They seemed to really love each other and of course you from the way you spoke about them. Although we both know how your life is going to go at this point, I hope in the end when you return to 2019, you can be happy. You deserve it. And sure I'm going to be an old sack of bones by then but I'll still be happy to see you. But for now happy birthday, it will be the first of many.

One more thing, I've saved all the original copies of "In A Matter of Time" that have been published so far to give to you. Consider it a giant overarching present for all the birthdays between 1963 and now. I'll have to give them to you in person though because there's...well there's a lot. Although you can find anthologies of all the comics too. I actually send a copy of each anthology to The Hotel California, oops I mean Obsidian haha. But for real, you were right that song does go hard. Anyway...popularity took off with the series in a way that Maddy and I did not expect. But I guess people just love your life story the way I did. Although it is very funny that no one has questioned the fact that everyone has the same name and looks as you and the Hargreeves aka the Kennedy Six. I mean I changed the last names of everyone for the story but that's it, so it's hilarious how no one has even considered it. Maybe they think I'm just historically inspired or maybe because we started publishing the story 14 years after the Kennedy assassination people moved on and didn't care to question it. Either way, it does make me laugh. Maybe it'll make you laugh too. But I don't know if you'll be excited or mad about them all. I hope it's excited because if not you're going to completely nerf me on sight. Ya like how I still know my future words?  Oh well, for now, enjoy your birth. If that's even a thing you can do as a newborn...? I'll see you in a little over 30 years.

October 9th, 1989

(Y/N),

Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong.

Reggie adopted seven children but only one of them is an Umbrella. Was an Umbrella. The Umbrella Academy doesn't even exist. Instead, he has something called The Sparrow Academy. I don't know what caused the change but he's not keeping this academy a secret in any way. He's announced their adoption and his plans for them in the future in newspapers and on TV. I don't remember you telling me him doing this in your timeline, granted there's a chance he did and you don't know, but still, there is no such thing as The Umbrella Academy. I don't know what is going on.

There's so much going on and I'm so confused by it all. There have been terrible tragedies reported all over the globe. I don't know the full details of them all and I don't know if I can handle them either. But it's bad. I wish I knew where you were, but I can't find you. I can't find anything of you. I can't find anything of anyone who should be here. I don't know what has happened or why but it can't be good. I'm scared for how you'll react when you find out what has occurred. I hope to god that it ends up being nothing huge, but with everything you ever told me about time and space and matter and existence or lack thereof I-

(Y/N) I'm scared for you.

I'm scared of what will happen to you. Both physically and mentally. I know your strength and your ability to persevere is like no other but I saw the way you cried back at Elliot's before you left. The desire to have your parents again...

If I can be there when it happens, when you come back and find out, I will. I hope I can be there.

Just please don't get reckless.

Please keep yourself safe.

Please be okay.

October 2nd, 2002

A great milestone was hit yesterday, after a 25-year run "In A Matter of Time" finally finished out. The thing was it took forever for me to figure out how to end it because I didn't know what would come next for you. I'm going to be honest, I stuck directly to the source material for everything, but I don't know what you're going to do upon return so I was stuck for a while. But I came up with something I think will be satisfying for everyone. I came up with two endings. One is the one that will be published in the single distributed comics and it's just a cliffhanger as a tall, anxious, lame nobody-type guy watches a car drive away forever. But then there's the other one which I've made sure will only be found at the end of the last comic anthology. That one is where the characters drive away, escape through time and finish building their perfect life, and live happily ever after. I call it the ideal ending, because I'm not sure how your story will actually end, but this is the ending I hope you get because it's the ending you deserve.

I know it's going to be a lot to go through and read when you get back but I really hope you'll like everything. Maddy always commented on how I was a stickler for the details but I always told her I wanted to get the story right. Good thing she loves me enough to put up with it all.

But even with that being all good there was something odd that also happened yesterday. Wouldn't you know but I got a call from dear old Reggie. He asked me if I had seen the news about his announcement of his SPARROW Academy. I wasn't pleased about speaking to him for obvious reasons but I told him I had heard about it but I was busy finishing other arrangements yesterday. But what was odder than the call itself was the fact that he knew that the comic series my wife and I had done had finished. The reason he called is that he wanted our comic book company to be the one to do the Sparrow Academy comics for all the missions he planned on sending them on. He told me he would give us five million dollars just to accept the project and then whatever cut of comics we take from regular sales.

I wasn't sure on what to say and asked him if I could call him back so I could talk to my wife. We didn't need his money, we already made and had enough to live a very comfortable life, and also I did not want to associate with him. And while Maddy was very understanding of my side, she did make the point that with the money we could invest in the business to hire more artists and give them the opportunity to create their stories with us and also donate to charities and causes we wanted to support. We went back and forth for a while on it as I was way more hesitant to do so given the history while Maddy hadn't met him and never knew what he was fully like or what he was capable of. In the end, we agreed to take it but on the condition that one, 80% of the initial payment was going straight to charities no if, and or buts about it. And two Maddy and I would in no way be involved with the creation of the comics. We would not write, illustrate or oversee them and they would be put together by our other employed writers and illustrators.

I'm still not sure about the whole deal, to be honest, but I couldn't give Maddy a better reason than the fact that your life was ruined because of him. I guess when it comes to matters of the past like that I just can't be practical about it the way my wife can because I'm too close to it. From now on though any communication that needs to be discussed with us as owners is solely going to be Maddy's responsibility. I'm going against my own judgment on this and am doing this for her but it sure does make me feel slimey. Immortalizing and glamorizing the child abuse these kids are facing on the world's stage. I don't like it one bit. Like you always said, they're child soldiers, they are children being forced to carry the world on their backs and I can't stand to be a part of it even though I am now.

I have a creeping suspicion that Reginald chose my comic business on purpose. I don't think it's a threat but I think it's a reminder that he's still there and he has the same knowledge that I do. Or something of the sort. But for now, I'm just going to keep doing paintings and commissions and hopefully, I can somewhat escape the guilt on my conscience. I won't say this to my wife, but I really hope it's worth it for her because it isn't for me.

Winter 2006

I've never quite enjoyed the colder parts of the year, it always seems like terrible things happen in them. And if they're not completely terrible then they're at the least unfortunate or odd. But this time it seems like a mix of all three.

I guess I'll start with the terrible, although you probably already know from the letter, Grace passed away. When I heard the news of her being in the hospital I went to visit her right away. Maddy had offered to come with me for comfort but I declined saying I just wanted it to be the two of us. She understood though, which I appreciated. Grace still looked like herself even in her old age and her smile was still warm and bright when I walked into the room. Although I could see the sadness in her eyes that you weren't there with me. It made me sad too. I sat there with her for hours talking. After the search for you had gone stale she moved from Dallas to Houston and began a job as a high school science teacher. She told me that getting to bring the joys of science into the lives of her students was like holding on to a part of you. Every time a student enthusiastically proposed a solution she felt like she was talking with you one more time. She really loved you. You were all we talked about really. Just back and forth trading tales of the good times we had. I always knew you changed my life but I guess you changed both of us. She told me that she hoped you were out there somewhere and you were happy and I assured her that you were.  But I do hope I'm right about that. She passed soon after, I think she was comforted by my words enough to let go. I don't know what happens after death, but I hope it's a nice place. I hope it's a place where she can find the answers she was always looking for and I hope when the time comes whenever it is, she can forgive both of us for lying to her for all these years.

Now on to the unfortunate. The Jennifer Incident occurred, but it happened differently than you told me. I know you said you read all the newspapers, I know you told me the story that was told to you by your robot grace and old, talking, Pogo, but it's different I swear. He's still alive this time. Ben is still alive this time. I don't fully know what changed but...something did. I got to see him. I was specifically commissioned to do a portrait of him to hang over the mantlepiece in the parlor. I guess it's better than having to do a painting of Five after he ran away but it's weird. You always told me that Five's painting felt less like a commemoration and more like a warning. Like a constant looming example of what happens when you step out of line. This feels like that too... He has a scar on his face now, and he looks very angsty. I don't know if that's because of the incident or because of how strict this household is. I didn't talk to any of THESE Hargreeves much. Although I guess they knew that I knew you. Maybe Reginald told them, at least that's what I suspect since I never said a word about you. They all perk up at your name. It's weird. Even weirder Reginald uses you as the ultimate example. (Y/N) would never do this, this wasn't a problem for (Y/N), you won't impress (Y/N) with such a lack of abilities, etc. Let me tell you, I think this painting is the fastest I've ever finished. I wanted to get out of there.

And now for the odd. There's a robot Grace, but she is nothing like our Grace. There's no life behind her eyes, there's no joy in her voice, and there's nothing of the original in there. When you talked about your robot Grace she sounded the same as our Grace but this is hauntingly empty. It's like a shell filled with nothing. I don't like it. Also, the kids treat her terribly, and it made me so mad. I couldn't stand being there. I hated it and I know in its current condition you would too.

Maybe you can change them, who knows. All I know is I hope to never see any of them again. They're not my Hargreeves, not my Grace, and the you that Reginald talks about is not my you.

November 22nd, 2016

Well (Y/N), this isn't how I thought it would go. I thought I'd make it to 2019. I thought we could see each other at least once more but that's the funny thing about time, isn't it? It moves on with or without you. And I moved on with time while you traveled through it and so here I am, an old man in the comfort of my own bed at home getting all of my affairs in order in my final days. My will is finalized, and so are the arrangements for my business. Ellie is taking over the painting side of things while Eddie is going to oversee the comics company. I know it'll be in good hands but my poor children are so distraught. I've tried comforting them as best as I can, telling them I will be alright but losing a loving parent is never easy. I'm sure you know that though. I've spent time with my five grandchildren watching the Cars movies, which over the years I've come to see why you like them and apologize for judging you in the past. But now the last thing I'm doing is writing you. I haven't had the energy to do so until now. I think it's that little bit of euphoria and energy people get before they actually die which is allowing me to. Either way, I know this is not the way I expected all those years ago, and I'm sure it's not the outcome you had hoped for either.

Before I say much else I want to remind you not to blame yourself for my passing. I know there will be a part of you that feels bad for not bringing me along to the future or a part of you that wishes you had arrived early enough that we could've had some time together. DO NOT think that this has anything to do with you, this is just the hands of time doing the job it has always done for eons. And as you recalled from the many pages you have already read, I have lived a long, fulfilling, and successful life. Although, it is unfortunate I won't get to see you again on earth, I know one day when you've also lived a long, fulfilling, and successful life we will meet each other again in the end. I'll get to see you, and meet all of your other friends, and I'm sure we can convince our significant others to start having double dates in the afterlife. We'll have forever to catch up so do not worry about not being here, or me not being there.

And anyway as much as I want to stay to see you, every day gets a little harder without Maddy. She passed two years ago and things just haven't been the same without her by my side. We were married for 46 beautiful years and the past two without here have been difficult, to say the least. But there's this warm feeling in my chest knowing that I'll get to be by her side again very soon.

I wish I had more to say to you, but my story is complete. Through this journal, you've gotten to experience my life from start to finish and I think that it's a great story. And every time I wrote an entry it was like having you there by my side in those moments. Just like everyone else who has mattered to me I carry a bit of you around with me in my heart every day. I've said it before and I'll say it again, your coming into my life was a miracle. You changed my life for the better. You are one of the greatest friends I could ever ask for. And all I can hope for when you get back is for you to hopefully find a way to have as great a life as I had.

At this point, we both know that things have very much changed but I still hope that you get all of your friends back, and are able to continue to have adventures with them like before and like you did with me. I hope that you get to give Five the normal life you always talked about doing and you two get to have decades of love and time together just like you let me have with Maddy. I hope you have an amazing career, get that dog and have children just like you said you wanted and just like you allowed me to do. After all that you have gone through since you were just a child, after all that you have survived, you deserve the world. You deserve every bit of it and I hope that you are able to have it all.

Forever your friend,

Charlie

______________________________________________________________

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[candycandy00]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much for tagging me, @scary-grace! This was a lot of fun!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 

18, though I’ve only posted a fraction of my BNHA stuff on there and there’s even some JJK stuff I haven’t posted there yet. 

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

217,870. And wow it took me way too long to find that lol. I didn’t even know about the Statistics page! 

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Currently, Jujutsu Kaisen and Boku no Hero Academia. I wrote for a ton of different fandoms back in my “previous era” I’ll call it lol. I wrote for One Piece, Naruto, Final Fantasy (mostly 7 and 12), Death Note, Gundam Wing, Harry Potter, Durarara!!, and lots of other things (almost all of it featuring non canon ships like Cloud x Yuffie and L x Misa). I’d like to try writing for Bungou Stray Dogs and Demon Slayer at some point. 

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Doll House (2,280)

Human (390)

The Offering (377)

How to Seduce a Gamer (300)

Little Miss Nobody (234)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! But sometimes if it’s a comment on an older chapter of something I might not or if I got several close together I miss a few and then I’m too embarrassed to go back and respond later. Or if they just comment with an emoticon, I’m not sure how to reply lol. 

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

In my current era, it’s definitely the Mr. Compress chapter of The Dark Carnival. I have other fics that end badly for Reader but this one felt very tragic to me. 

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

Most of mine have pretty happy endings! 

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Current era, I occasionally get people complaining that certain Readers are wimpy or stupid or whatever. I even had one person on AO3 write out a huge wall of text about how one of my Reader characters was a Mary Sue (they simultaneously complained that she was too weak and useless in a fight but also too perfect). But I tend to shrug off those comments. Readers are supposed to be Mary Sues. They’re literally Reader/Writer self inserts! Part of the appeal of x Reader fanfiction is the fantasy of Reader being an idealized version of yourself. So yeah she can hang out with the League of Villains and be the only girl Dabi has ever liked, or she can be old high school buddies with Gojo and Geto and they’re both crazy about her. It’s all fantasy. 

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Yes! And I write pretty much all kinds that don’t involve my three “big no’s” (minors, animals, or scat/pee/vomit). 

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? 

Not since I was a kid, writing Sailor Moon/DBZ crossovers lol. 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

Not in my current era, not that I know of. In my previous era, I wrote a Gundam Wing fanfic that got really popular in the fandom and was ripped off twice. Not exactly copied word for word, but very close in both cases. They basically changed the wording around a bit but kept the entire plot the same (and it was a very unique AU with a big, sprawling plot). 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Not that I know of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Like 20+ years ago a friend and I were co-writing a very fucked up DBZ fanfic together. It was actually pretty good, but it was unfortunately lost to time. I’d give anything to find it and be able to read it again, but she’s the one who was posting it and she deleted her account a few years later. 

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? 

I’m just gonna go with my current fave ships of my two main fandoms: BNHA (Spinneraki) and JJK (SatoSugu). 

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 

Probably The League of Villains Heroes. I love it dearly but it gets practically no notes so I have little motivation to keep working on it. 

16. What are your writing strengths? 

I’ve always felt like dialogue is my strong point. Probably because, until I was up into my 20’s, I rarely read actual books and almost exclusively read comics/manga (which tend to be dialogue heavy). I think I’m pretty decent with plotting as well. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

Descriptions! 😩 I am so bad at describing things. Or rather, I’m bad to just… not do it. I literally forget to. I’ve had friends read my work and be like “what does this place look like?” Or “what does that guy look like?” And I can see it all so clearly in my head that I forget readers can’t see it as well. 

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I sometimes toss in some honorifics just because it seems weird to have certain characters not use them. Other than that, I try to avoid throwing in random Japanese (the only other language I would even consider using, just because these are Japanese characters). I did have Sukuna say his famous “Gambare, gambare” line once but it’s just too iconic! 

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

First I wrote for: Sailor Moon. First I actually posted a fic online for: Dragon Ball Z. 

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 

I’m going to pick one from each fandom, only among completed fics. 

BNHA: Trending Topics

JJK: The Offering

Tagging @missrosegold and any other writer friends who would like to do this!

[rollercoasterwords]

why aren't lesbians more popular in fanfiction?

hello literally no one asked for this but i feel like i’ve seen a lot of discussion about the disparity between mlm and wlw fanfiction, and i simply. have thoughts about it lol. this is mostly focused on marauders fanfic bc that’s really the only fanfic community i’m plugged into, but i feel like it probably applies to others as well -- this is definitely gonna get long so if u don’t feel like reading a lil essay abt it then just scroll past :) 

anyway! i do think the prevalence of gay ships in fanfic is a particularly interesting conundrum given that the vast majority of people who read + write fanfiction are women -- and, particularly in the marauders fandom, i’d guess that the majority of those women are queer. so i guess the question i find interesting can be boiled down to: why do so many gay women gravitate towards stories about gay men?

generally, i tend to see a mixture of three answers in conversations about this question.

1. there’s more canon info about male characters

essentially, i see a lot of people say something along the lines of, “well, it makes sense that there’s more fanfiction written about men, because in the stories these characters are originally from the male characters are main characters/much more developed than female characters.” and i think this answer makes sense, but i don’t necessarily think it’s a sufficient explanation on its own for two reasons:

fanfiction can branch quite drastically away from canon, and there are plenty of popular fics where canon is completely disregarded. even if writers have very little canon information about a character, that doesn’t necessarily mean the character won’t be loved in fandom spaces. which leads to the second reason...

in the marauders fandom specifically, male characters with almost no canon information have become very popular. i feel like i’ve especially seen this more recently with characters like barty crouch jr. and evan rosier, but even some of the bigger marauders characters -- peter, regulus, etc -- have very little information about their actual characters in canon. additionally, there are characters like lily evans, narcissa malfoy, andromeda tonks, etc, who, if we’re going based on the amount of canon information, seem like they should be more popular. 

however, none of this is to say that certain characters should be more or less popular--this is just to point out that i don’t think “there’s more canon information” is a sufficient explanation on its own for why mlm fics are so much more popular than wlw fics. i certainly think it accounts for some of the disparity, but i also think there’s more going on!

2. “fetishization” of gay men

i’ve also seen a lot of people throw out the answer that “it’s because women are fetishizing gay men,” and i...just don’t really think this is the issue that some people say it is. honestly, i think that in most of the cases where i’ve seen people saying this, the term fetishization is being misused. in the marauders fandom, at least, i’d argue that the vast majority of fanfiction is not fetishizing gay men, in that it isn’t reducing gay men to sex objects--in fact, i think that oftentimes the opposite is true. even in heavily explicit fanfiction, the characters are often built out as well-rounded people, and there’s almost always an equal emphasis on the relationship and emotional dynamic between the two characters being shipped together. 

i think when people talk about the fetishization of mlm couples, a lot of times the person they’re arguing about is this imaginary cishet woman who’s like foaming at the mouth to read about gay men fucking each other while simultaneously not really viewing gay men as real, complex people--and sure, maybe there are some women like that. but something that i think this straightforward answer of “fetishization” misses is that there is fanfiction catered specifically to straight women, and it often looks very different from queer fanfic. like, i can almost always tell when i’m reading fanfic whether it was written by a straight woman or not, because heterosexual desire and queer desire manifest in very different ways. and my impression is that the majority of queer fanfic is catered towards other queer people--even if straight women read it, too, i don’t really think they’re the main audience. i haven’t tried to research statistics on this or anything; it’s all just based on my impression of this one specific fandom space, and i’m not trying to claim otherwise. but in the marauders fandom, at least, it seems as though the majority of the readers are queer women; in fact, many writers, like myself, are actually lesbians who literally hold zero attraction to men. so why do we still love reading and writing about gay relationships?

3. *vague hand-waving* misogyny 

once we get past these first two explanations, i typically see people saying something along the lines of, “well, of course mlm fics are more popular than wlw fics, because of misogyny!” and then just...leaving it at that. and it sort of drives me a little insane, because i’m always like, yes, but WHY??? that’s like someone asking why the sky is blue, and answering, “well, because of science.” like--okay, yes, but WHAT science? why?? what’s actually happening??

so, if you’ve made it this far into my little esay, here are some thoughts that have been marinating in my brain about some specific ways in which misogyny effects the popularity of gay vs lesbian fanfiction (and, in some ways, gay vs lesbian media more generally). essentially, there are two big things that it boils down to, in my mind:

the inherent alientation of womanhood

the universality of queer desire

and those two things kinda play off each other, but i’m gonnna take them one by one!

1. womanhood as a process of alienation

so, this is something that i’ve been turning over in my mind over the past few months. generally, i try to avoid broad generalizations about women/womanhood, because i think of gender much more as a socialized series of performances rather than any kind of fixed identity category, however! that being said, i do think that womanhood is, in many ways and for a majority of people, a gradual and unrelenting process of alienation from one’s own body, sexuality, and desires. 

what i mean by that is that in a patriarchal society, becoming a woman means being taught constantly and consistently that you are meant to center men in your life (which is one reason that so many lesbians have such a complicated relationship to gender--because removing men from the equation essentially knocks out one of the pillars propping up “woman” as a gender category). teaching someone to be a woman means teaching them to ignore and suppress their own sexuality, physicality, and desires in favor of men’s. i think many people raised to be women learn to think of their own sexuality as an object of male desire; we are told that we should want to be wanted, but not that we should want. learning to be a woman oftentimes means learning to separate yourself from your own desires--women aren’t supposed to be hungry, or messy, or loud, or ugly, or ambitious, or sexual.

obviously, everyone raised in a misogynistic society internalizes that misogyny; so i think that for most people taught to be women, there’s this shared experience of alienation from your own body. we are systematically and purposely cut off from lesbian desire, from sapphic desire--from any kind of desire or sexuality where men are not a focal point. this makes it understandably difficult to envision rich, complex, sexual and romantic relationships between women, because anyone taught to be a woman has to spend a significant amount of time unlearning internalized misogyny in order to truly embrace queer desire.

so, yes; i think that mlm fics and gay ships are more popular at least in part because of misogyny. but i don’t think it’s this conscious, purposeful thing that queer women should be condemned for--in many ways, i think that gay fanfiction actually provides queer women (especially young queer women) a space to explore queer relationships and queer desire outside of the patriarchy that hangs like a specter over any relationship involving women. for queer women who are still working through internalized misogyny, who still struggle to envision romantic and sexual relationships between women that exist outside the bounds of patriarchal narratives, i think it’s understandable that gay relationships in fanfiction have become this sort of refuge. we are taught to center male desire and sexuality; we experience queer desire that we must learn to stop suppressing; when we look at these two ideas together, i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that the exploration of gay relationships in fanfiction is oftentimes a way for queer women to explore their own sapphic desire.

2. the universality of queer desire    

this first point leads me directly into my second, which is that gay fanfiction can oftentimes provide a space to explore lesbian desire specifically because queer desire has a unique sort of universality--it is outside the boundaries of cishet norms and narratives, which often leads to different expressions of desire and different relationship dynamics. for example, as a lesbian, i feel that my lesbian relationships generally have much more in common with gay relationships than they do with straight women, simply because the dynamics of typical heterosexual relationships are so far removed from my own experiences with sex, romance, and dating.   

something that strikes me is that, in many instances, these fanfictions about gay men read to me, a lesbian, as lesbian romances--i find myself reading about these characters and thinking that the way they relate to one another, the way they process emotion, etc, feels very much like a lesbian relationship. i think part of that is because many of them are written by queer women, but it’s also because of this overarching universality of queer desire.

anyway, i don’t really have a final point or conclusion that i set out to make with this. i guess i just think it would be nice to move the conversation a little further past “wlw fics are less popular because of misogyny!”, y’know? at the end of the day, i don’t think it’s inherently harmful that mlm fics/ships/media are so popular in queer spaces, and more often than not i think it’s actually an important medium for all kinds of queer people to explore desire + sexuality + gender + relationships through stories written by other queer people. however, i do think it simultaneously calls attention to the ways in which internalized misogyny and compulsory heternormativity can make it very, very difficult for people to envision lesbian desire and lesbian relationships, and i do think it’s important to like...do some soul-searching, y’know? like, just on an individual level, especially if you’re a queer person, and especially if you’re a queer woman--if you struggle to get into wlw fics/media the way you get into mlm fics/media, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, and it doesn’t make you a bad person, but it does mean that you should probably take some time to think about why that might be! what kinds of things did you learn to internalize that might be preventing you from embracing lesbian/sapphic/wlw (whatever u wanna call it) desire? and i say this as someone who had to spend years coming to terms with their own lesbian desire, who knows how difficult it can be to work through the layers of internalized misogyny, internalized homophobia, and compulsory heterosexuality. but at the end of the day, a lot of this fanfiction we’re reading is all tied together by the same elements of queer desire <3 

this is by no means meant to be a comprehensive or even particularly academic analysis of the situation--i’ve just been thinking about these questions a lot lately and wanted to write down some thoughts to help me organize them. if u actually took the time to read all of this and have any thoughts or ideas to share i am clearly dying to discuss + my dms + ask box are always open :)