#as if we didnt have enough characters to worry about i know

[theskymahtin]

yo WHY did I never notice that hennessy HAS A FISH SCALE TATTOO ? aka a tattoo probably very similar to the one she later gives ronan.......... i need a moment

[Image ID: photograph of a paragraph from pg 70 of Call Down the Hawk.

Transcript: She had changed since she'd left in the car. Her kinky hair was now pulled up in a ragged black topknot. She wore tinted glasses, a rabbit fur coat, a lace bralette white against her dark skin, and leather leggings that exposed a fish-scale tattoo on her lower calf. More pastel tattoos covered her knuckles, which were also smeared with paint. He still couldn't tell how old she was. She could be twenty-five. She could be seventeen.]

[silverislander]

have discovered a new enemy while doing research for the honours essay. why are you pretending to understand psychology and BLATANTLY misinterpreting actual terms and concepts in order to tear down a movie aimed at teenage girls, my good bitch. i'm going to start biting

[littlelightfish]

I've been thinking about Mickbell since last chapter came out.

Have you noticed how everyone refers to him as Mick? He's a hafling, they shouldn't call him that since its his first name.

But here's the thing.

We know Mickbell didn't have something to call a family the majority of his life. He was all alone against the word for quite some time. He, as I said before, didn't have a proper family, didn't have any friends. He was alone. No one to care about him, no one to love even in a friendly way.

He can seem to be quite unfair towards Kuro, but truth is he doesn't know any better. He does what he can the best he can, the best he knows, because he loves Kuro so much, he doesn't want to loose his first friend, his first glimpse of a family, the only one that cared for him after so long the first one to recognize him as someone rather than something.

Kuro doesn't understand common language well, we know for a fact that he struggles with it and that he's still learning to communicate. When Mickbell found him, it was his sense of "I'm in great debt to him because he saved me" what made him attack the one that attacked Mick. "How dares he tuch my savior?" Kind of behaviour. And also revenge I guess. But, hear me out. He hears Mickbell telling something to him in a language he doesn't understand, but he sticks to his side from then on, because he saw a savior in him. Because he feels in debt with him, because he sees that this guy enjoys his company and also feeds him. He is like a stray dog after being adopted, loyal. He loves and cares for Mickbell, he wants to be able to truly understand him and to make himself known to him by talking. He's learning how to speak common, not because it might be useful, but because he wants to be able to fully communicate with his dearest friend, with the one he considers family.

Going back to Mickbell, he saw someone caring for him enough to take revenge and protect him. This aren't little things to do for someone you just met. He knows this, because he probably wouldn't have done that, he 100% would've runned away because he has sense of self-preservation and knows damn well he doesn't stand a chance and he wants to continue living. He makes sure to keep this kobold to himself, at first because of his "if it can be made use of, then use it" principle.

He freed the kobold, not because he was a good person, but because he wanted to take revenge in his own terms. He wanted this man to suffer, he can't pick a fight because he doesn't stand a chance, so he steels his merch, or in this case, frees it. He freed Kuro because he wanted the man to suffer the loss of his merch. Not because he feels sorry for a kobold that could easily chomp his head off (they're usually agressive). Now, after freeing him, he noticed that this kobold would die if he didn't take off the thing he had in his mouth, so he helped him a bit there. This seems a bit out of character. Why did he freed the starved kobold from what could've saved him of being eaten himself? Because he is a good person. He doesn't want this creature to starve to death after freeing him, it would be cruel, and he isn't cruel. He doesn't want nothing to do with the kobold at first, he just doesnt want him to die because he didnt properly freed him, but after seeing how far is this someone willing to go for him? He has no room for doubt, he makes himself his boss.

As I said, Mickbell didn't had a real family before. He lacks of proper social interactions and bonds due to his past. But he loves so deeply. He doesn't want to loose Kuro. He sees him as the closest thing he'll ever have to a family, but he doesn't know how to treat him properly. He tries his best. He feeds him, and cares about him a lot, but he doesn't know how to talk to him. He wants to have him close at all times, he wants to pet him, to be carried around by him and only him, to tease him, to help him. He's always worrying about his well-being. And above all, he doesn't want to be alone. Never again. This is why he does everything he can think of to hold Kuro closer to him. This is why he's saving money, why he pays Kuro so poorly for his job. This is why he doesn't spent much money on himself either. He wants to live a life with kuro by his side because he loves him. He loves him deeply, and cares about him deeply too. He's his family. And he is terrified of the sole thought of Kuro leaving his side. Because that wouldn't just mean being alone again. It would mean Kuro left.

Now, this is what the party sees. A hafling that treats his kobold employee quite unfairly. He doesn't pay him almost anything, he leaves him alone as soon as battle starts, he is possessive about him, and he's terrified of someone snatching him away. The kobold doesn't seem to either mind or notice how unfair his owner is being towards him, and doesn't seem to understand him very well either. They see that they both care for each other more than they first thought as time passes by, but the unfairness of it all is still there. They don't get it. Why would the hafling, if he cares so much, reward him so badly? Why is he taking advantage of the kobold he loves so much? Why wouldn't he let him express himself in his mother language? They don't fully get it.

Time passes and they become closer to each other, just as Laios's party does. They start opening up, bonding, and before they knew it, they're something like a small family, rather than just a group of friends adventuring together. It's clear as day something in Mickbell wasn't quite right just by the way he behaves. He is childish, but it doesn't seem to be intentional. He behaves like a kid, but he is quite mature at the same time. He is like this because he didn't had a proper childhood? He only now can allow himself to behave lightly as he does? To cry at minor inconveniences? To want to be hold on someone's arms? They don't know, but they don't prey about it either.

And without realizing it, they call him just "Mick". Some of them, if not them all, know what it means to call a hafling by his first name. They maybe did it to tease him, maybe because they wanted him to know they consider him family, but he didn't even noticed. He hadn't a proper social interaction with haflings that ever got to the personal level of teaching him something he should already know. Haflings call him Mickbell, he doesn't mind, it's his name. His party calls him Mick, he doesn't mind, it's his name. He doesn't even know hee should care. The party picks up he doesn't mind being called that and gets surprised. Is he letting them know he sees them aa family too? They at first are really surprised, but it losses importance over time. They just use it as a nickname now, but they started using it because they wanted Mickbell to know they're family too, that they don't want to hurt him nor Kuro.

Mickbell it's just a good hearted guy who doesn't know how to do good. He saves up money so he can, one day, live with Kuro. So he doesn't pays him well even if he works hard. So he starves himself (he is underweight too, but it could be for the same reason Chilchuck is, he is 5 cms taller than the common hafling after all). So he allows himself to steal from corpses. He needs money. He has a dream. He wants to have a family.

[rayraelleaizawa]

They say something hurtfull in an argument

TW: sad, slight angst, fighting

Characters: Shanks, Beckmann, Mihawk

Side note: a bit ooc cause they'd never say something like that but we live for angst

Part 2: Making up after an argument

Shanks

"Why do you always have to be drunk?" i asked him as he woke up with yet another hangover. Being together with Shanks is amazing, he loves you, he gives you everything you could wish for and more, but there is one thing you hate about his beheaviour: the constant drinking.

"Because we are pirates, we have to party" Shanks answered with a grin before he groans due to his headache.

"This drinking will kill you one time, do you know that? It's also a huge downturn in bed when i want to kiss you and all i can smell is alcohol on your breath." You kept on complaining, tired of this. "Alcohol damages your body so much, do you want to die so much earlier or what?" you snapped at him.

"Maybe I need something to make me feel better about your constant bickering." Shanks said with a growl, the grin disappearing.

You halted in your tracks. A look of hurt crossed your face as you shut your mouth close. Sadness welled up inside you at the thought, that you were also a reason why he kept on having this extremly unhealthy habit.

"I'm sorry then" you said quietly and walked out of your shared quarters, now probably only his quarters, cause you werent sure if you want to go back there and sleep next to him.

You were just worried about him, why didnt you notice that you were annoying him with that? You never said anything, helped him out of all his problems that he caused by himself with his childish demeanour, you only scolded him when he hurt himself. He never hurts others, he only lets himself get hurt. And that frustrated you beyond believe.

Didnt he know how much you cared for him? Did he even care? Are you even enough to make him start to look out for himself?

Tears rolled down your cheeks as you hid yourself in an empty room on the ship. You tried so much to accept his drinking habbits, you didnt even ask him to stop, just to not be drunk 6 and a half days of the week, and that every week.

You burried your face in your knees and cried. Where you that insufferable that he hurts his own body just to be able to endure your company? If you left, then he wouldnt do this to himself anymore, right?

Benn Beckman

"Really? Another one?"

You say annoyed as you watch your boyfriend light up another cigarette.

"Yes. Another one."

He plainly answers. You guys had this discussion before. You wanted him to smoke less, he said he'd try to but the amount doesnt get any less.

"Benn this really damages your lungs. Cant you please try to smoke less?"

You asked again, and he sighed annoyed.

"They help me relax."

You started to get annoyed by his short answers.

"You could relax with other stuff. You could take a bath, or i could massage you, or we could just spend time together."

You suggested as he sighed out audibly annoyed.

"And you think after all the work and stress I have the whole day I want to spend it around a person which constantly nags on me and where i cant let my mind settle even a bit?"

He snapped, looking at you angrily. You looked at him with an unmoving face before you adverted your eyes. You didnt want to show him that his words hurt.

"I'm sorry, I didnt know you couldnt let your guard down around me."

You said defeated, turning around and slowly walking away. You could hear him say your name quietly but you didnt want to turn around. You just walked under deck and into your cabin. You sat down on your desk and started working, tears running down your face as you felt a coldness within you.

Does he not trust me enough? I didnt know that I am a stress factor for him.

Dark thoughts pleagued your mind as you tried to just work through your feelings. You tried to not be even more of a burden. Tears ran down your face, some of them hitting the desk and some hitting the papers with the lists and research about the treasures your crew had gotten lately.

Benn works so hard, and I never made him feel better. I just added to his stress. He'd be better off alone, right?

Dracule Mihawk

"Could you please tell me when you plan on leaving?"

You said to Mihawk as he came back after two months without telling you that he'll be gone.

"Why? I have my own free will if i remember correctly."

"Because I worry about you when you just suddenly disappear! It isnt that hard to just leave a note or something when you cant tell me in the face that you have to leave."

You were angry at him. What did he think? He was your boyfriend so why couldnt he just tell you when he left for weeks?

He puts down his hat and went to get some vine but you stopped him. Him not even looking at you makes you feel like you're unimportant to him, that this whole matter is of no interest to him.

"Do you really care so little about my feelings? Or am I just a nuissance to you right now that you cant even stop walking when I talk with you."

He then looked at you, annoyance but also a sign of being unbothered on his face.

"You're acting like a child. If I leave again and dont come back you'll at least know why now."

He said that so matter of factly that you were stunned about his coldness. He moved around you to the kitchen to grab some vine, and you just stood there.

Did he really just say that I am the reason why he doesnt want to come home anymore?

You shook your head slightly, recalling his words again and trying not to be hurt by them. As you hear his steps starting to come back, you hurried out of the room and into your shared bedroom. Tears streamed down your face as you tried to make it make sense.

When did he start hating to come back to you? What exactly was so annoying about you? Why didnt he just tell you that he didnt like your behaviour anymore? Does he even like you anymore?

All those thoughts were running through your head as you packed the little clothes and stuff you owned. You didnt touch a thing that he bought for you. If he wanted to leave and not come back, then you will make it easier for him and leave on your own. That's what he wants, isnt it?

After you finished packing you quietly stepped out of his castle and made your way into the woods. Tears were still streaming down your face, but you ignored them. This was for the best, right?

[avnasace]

im loving the fact that tommy is an established character with established relationships with the 118, just like karen, just like athena, just like maddie, because that was a huge thing that made it a part of why i think it was so hard to like bucks previous love interests.

like, yes. abby and taylor tried to gel with them, ali kinda knew OF them, but natalia was completely seperate and lucy wasnt even really a love interest. neither of the main 2 (abby and taylor) actually had any link to anyone other than buck. taylor was the closest (but she fucked that up badly lmao).

im so hyped to see whether we get more of tommy and the 118, because he has history with all of them, except eddie (who he's now good friends with), and buck (who he is now dating).

if you look at all the other 'partners', they are all a part of the 118 family, and pretty linked together: athena is besties with hen and married to bobby, karen lived across from and was good friends with chimney and is now married to hen, maddie is bucks brother and is married to chimney, etc.

i feel like bucks other love interests were only ever linked to him, and he always worried about losing them, because he didnt think he was good enough.

but this time with tommy the difference is (tommy actually cares about buck) that hes known by his family and hes safe and hes confident and caring and patient, plus the rest of the 118 all think hes a good guy, and also tommy saved bathena and chimney and hes friends with eddie, and christopher likes him, etc.

everybody that matters to buck, except maddie, likes and knows tommy.

(and who is he going to introduce tommy to next episode? maddie.)

maybe buck doesnt have to worry so much about him leaving, like abby did, or worry how to introduce tommy to his family and not have him run for the hills from the complex parts of his life, like natalia or ali did

because tommys already halfway in it yknow?

[scentednuttragedy]

He stared at you as you patched up another guy's wounds. He could feel something boiling up inside him and he couldn't tell what it was but something about the view just didn't feel right. He knew it was wrong to feel this way, it was all wrong but he couldn't stop feeling that nor could he take his eyes off of how you praised that another guy for taking the pain, how you softly held his arm, how you.... it should have been hi- he immediately looked away as he gulped.

"Are you done?" He didn't dare look at you cause he knew that if he did, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from realizing his feeling.

"Almost" you replied softly as your eyes trained on the rookie that was tagging along with you both.

"Hurry up" Was all he replied as he decided to scout the place a little more.

After a while of him investigating the surrounding he came back to see you sitting there, patching your own wounds. He hated how you hid your Injuries just to not make others worry.

"You're hurt" He frowned as he kneeled in front of you and snatched the med kit from your hand.

"I'm sorry" you felt guilty not cause you didnt tell him but cause you made him worry. All he did was shook his head and sigh. He knew you were too stubborn to reason with and he loved that thing about you just as much as he hated it.

"Where's the rookie?" He questioned to change the topic. He couldn't help himself, he thought the feeling would leave but it just sat there waiting to burst open.

"I don't know,"  You shrugged, you knew that the rookie was smart and strong enough to look after himself.

"You should know" he scoffed

"What do you mean?" You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Come on, you think I didn't see you being all flirty with him" He said in a hushed tone. The image of you and that rookie.... or someone else kept replaying in his mind. Was he scared of losing you? What was this feeling? He was terrified of even thinking but he couldn't control his tongue.

"Are you jealous...?" You were unsure if he was or not, you didn't want to jump to conclusions but what he said made you curious.

"I don't know..." He sighed as he finished patching up your wound and sat beside you as he stared up at the ceiling.

"What are we?" He asked.

A question both of you always ignored.. a question to which both of you knew answer to. It never felt this way... the feeling felt so invisible but today seeing you being happy with someone else made him realize what it was and he was terrified to admit it. He didn't want to lose you. He didn't want to admit that he had fallen head over heels for you.

"I don't know...." You looked at him as a feeling of fear took over. You knew too that you loved him but you were too scared to admit it, too scared to face the feeling.

"I'm not sure what this is between us but it's getting real hard to ignore" He chuckled

"I think I know what it is" you smiled as you looked at him

"Good. I didn't wanna say it just yet" He returned your smile as he looked into your eyes.

The uncertainty was gone and now was replaced with the feeling of peace and acceptance. You both loved each other and it just felt right. It wasn't some cat and mouse chase, it wasn't some toxic stuff. It was all there, healing you both slowly and softly. the feelings have had always been there but both of you were too stubborn to realize them.. you both refused to accept them.

"You know right I'll always be by your side?" You say softly

"I know. Just you and me, yeah?" He smiled as he looked at you softly. You could see the love in his eyes and it just felt right.

"Just me and you"

Feel free to think of any character you wish to! Thank you for reading! Please take care of yourself <3

[aihaitahm]

Hello! Do you mind doing headcanons of dan heng, blade and jing yuan with a reincarnated s/o?? Like their s/o died in the past long ago in a war or something but got reincarnated again, the s/o doesn't remember them right away, thank you so much in advance ❤❤❤

hsr men and how they react to reuniting with reincarnated! s/o!

cw death, ooc? gn! reader, more in depth abt blade’s lore so i hope its correct !! been looking into it. kinda angst —> comfort.

sorry for the wait!! been busy but hope u like it:3

characters: dan heng, blade, jing yuan

dan heng

up to this day, he remembers the promises you both made, what you liked, disliked and everything about you. although reminiscing does not hurt him like it used to, it still makes him long for your presence.

the type to get dreams of you and when you tell him in his dreams that you will most certainly meet again, he is patient enough to wait. maybe it was foolish to rely on dreams but his desire to meet you and love you again is immeasurable.

time passed by and dan heng was still waiting, wearing the bracelet you always wore. he would always fiddle on it when he is worried. maybe he should stop waiting? but what if you appear when you stop waiting?

when himeko and welt came back from an expedition, they brought in a new member of the astral express. their name happened to be (name) and they happen to have similar features to the one dan heng has always remembered.

dan heng’s eyes widened as he realized his dreams were correct. you were correct. he continued to stare at you while doing your introduction. you looked ethereal, you looked timeless as if youve never aged the last time hes seen you and it was like youve always been alive.

you caught up on his staring after you introduced yourself to the astral express and vice versa. you somehow cant put a finger on why he does look familiar but you felt at ease just being with him.

“um… dan heng correct? we have the same bracelet, can i ask where did you get it from? also do i know you?”

“i got this from someone who i used to know and their name was also (name). they made it for me.”

blade

after sacrificing himself to become a blade, his memory of you was not the best however he still felt the same intensity of emotions he held whenever he remembers your name. he doesnt know if its a blessing or a curse.

despite being blade, some parts of him is still ren. and ren has intense feelings for you. blade for some reason remembers the last argument you both had before you died. you were concerned about him possessing and delving into more power which lead to him being defensive and arguing with you.

as much as blade likes remembering you, your touch, your love and you in general, he cant help but harbour some guilt and sadness. he’d prefer if he left your name alone in peace. even though he wants to get to know you again and apologize, what was the point if you were dead. if your lives werent meant to meet each other again in any universe? it would be best if he just forgets about you.

fast forward and his bad luck struck him or this is probably in elios’ script but he was now arrested by the cloud knights of xianzhou alliance. it wasnt much of big of a deal to be honest but while in his cell, one of the cloud knights didnt have a helmet on, guarding his room.

he caught a glimpse of your face and this unlocks a lot of his memories as ren. how… timely, ironic it was to be held captive by your own reincarnation. its as if the heavens really planned it from the start.

you felt him staring at your face and which you snarled asking if theres something wrong. he just continously stared and smirked. you couldnt shake a feeling of familiarity with blade but aeons its an unbearable feeling but why would you say this to the general or other cloud knights… they might just interrogate you.

“you know if youre not going to answer my question well so be it. i know ive seen you in my dreams. i know we’ve met before. i know you know me from somewhere. but who are you?”

“you are bold as ever… but you should maybe figure out things on your own? its no fun giving you all the answers is it not? my new appearance is a clue, i’ll give you that.”

jing yuan

you knew jing yuan as your sparring mate whenever he was under jingliu and you under a different master. you both trained to becoming the strongest and maybe compete for the highest title of the alliance.

you sparred almost everyday with him. he enjoyed every moment he has with you. whether it was going for walks or eating food with you, it is a cherishable moment for him and you too. as you both grew into your teen years, you both happened to confess at the same time and became official.

unfortunately, your death caught up with you quickly. jing yuan was still quite young to experience grief but it didnt hinder him to train the hardest. jingliu wasnt in particular fond of you in the first place since you were distacting him.

without letting his master know, jing yuan would write letters to you everyday about what hes doing and how much he loves you. wherever you are he knows you both are in the same world or universe one way or another. he keeps most of your possessions because he believes it is his goodluck charm.

when he became general, he still wrote letters to you and even ask some of his servants to make a mini statue of your weapon to be displayed, in exchange for great amounts of money. he deeply misses you and he knows he carries a great amount of responsibility now that he is a leader. he secretly prays he gets to meet you again, even for one last time.

one faithful morning, he stumbled across a familiar face while shopping miscellaneous stuff for his cute mimi because he accidentally bumped into you pretty hard.

“ouch! be mindful of where you’re…. i-i apologize! i didnt mean to.”

“oh its alright it is actually my fault, i apologize. sorry to ask you this question but is your name (name)?”

“yes it is… why do you ask?

… on second thought i think you look familiar asides from the fact youre the general, i feel like i’ve known you before.”

[nordidia]

Do you think CJ and Raph ever talk about their experiences with PTSD/anxiety together or even share advice on coping? Or do you think Raph would rather not? Explain your reasoning in your essay below

(i typed an entire novel and then accidentally closed chrome and it deleted everything let me try doing this again i barely remember what i said ok so. also this is just me blabbering idk guys im not a rise writer im just some opinionated guy online and you can completely disagree with me and i dont say what goes or not ok? ok!)

i dont think raph would go to him with his issues but i think it'd defo get talked about through asking CJ about things and checking up on him etc. and i think CJ would give raph alot of insight and advice on how to deal with anxieties and traumas,, tho alot of their convos would just be one of them saying something vile and the other one going "oh. is that not normal?" and the first one looking at the latter like this

but all in all i think they'd definitely help eachother with dealing with stuff... i think especially raph will assist CJ in just taking the blow on how much there is to unpack... his entire life has been a big traumatic event, i imagine suddenly living a sustained life without having to fight for survival every day would be a lot for him to deal with, especially the confusion and grief over what he has lost (maybe what he has lost feels a bit like pointless grief to him now? which is a trauma in itself) and also grieving what he never had. as we know, grief is also things we shouldve had but never got, and i think all the hamatos would be really helpful in dealing with that.

tho CJ seems to be a bit of a hardass on stuff like this which is incredibly understandable when you've had to fight for everything with zero stability at all anywhere you went. i could see him confiding in raph about it, but not only him if im honest. but there is an undeniable security about raph i think that the characters i the show feel, and i think CJ would seek the stability and consistent reliability that raph provides.

i also like that CJ doesnt seem too scared about calling out people when they do wrong, i can defo see CJ bluntly telling raph that bad coping mechanisms is stupid and makes things worse and worries everyone around. (this is ofc hand in hand with the good ol' HC that raph bottles shit up/avoids talking abt things. personally i think he never shuts up and frequently rants about stuff and lets his family know whenever shit is up but he avoids going too deep so his family thinks he's being fully transparent when actually he's just not voicing the worst shit. this is so real to me no i do not need therapy shut u)

i definitely think raph would confide in CJ about the krang thing. CJ is the one who knows the most about it, i can see raph going to him to just get a bit more information about what was going on, and also a bit of relief hearing that it didnt go as bad as it couldve gone... CJ being experienced with krangification would absolutely soothe worries and make him feel less alone about knowing what he knows and having gone through something thats a step further than his brothers

IS THIS A GOOD ENOUGH ESSAY i have academic anxiety dont grade me please its 4am i have taken melatonin pills im on my last leg help m *ficking dies*

edit: GOODNIGHT LOL

[raffe156]

Playing Favourites

Pairing - Price X MC (Tank) F!reader

Summary - Little fluff drabble that is set the morning after Spoils of war

A/N - Just a quick little thank you and something for you guys to remember its not all doom and gloom for these two! Well it is for the next few chapters but this is set after all that haha also I fully acknowledge Rudy and Alejandro being an item end of :) 

I really appreciate all the recent feedback and asks! Please keep em coming! It only spurs me on haha 

Warnings - Under 18+ DNI,  angst, Smut, (If you squint)  Language,fluff, Age gap Relationship, Price (41) reader (Tank, 26),domestic fluff

Tags:  @irnbru32 @shuttlelauncher81  @mildlyhopeless @mentallynot-here​ @deadbranch @soapyghost​

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Call of duty characters - Only Tank, Luke, Dredd and Mckinley​

Masterlist link here

Price woke to an empty bed, which wouldn’t have normally bothered him at all, but that was before you.

He stretched, his hand finding the warmth you had left, he buried his face on your side of the pillow you shared most nights, the smell of your skin filled his head. He vaguely remembered you kissing him goodbye before you left to get back to your side of the base before everyone was fully awake. He could of happily gone back to sleep, but the sooner he got dressed the sooner he could be in your company again. As he got ready he thought about mentioning you two going on a date when back home, he was thinking about the places he could take you, trying to remember your favourite foods, he knew there wasn't much you didnt like! He remembered you liked the food he had cooked for you that time you came to stay for the weekend with Kyle a year ago, Price didnt like to think about that weekend very often, it had broken up your team, it made you into strangers torn apart, it was the start of a very bad year for all involved, a year he would rather put behind him, so he did or at least he tired.

**********

As he walked out into the main part of the base he couldn’t help scanning the huge bunker for your face, listening for your laugh. Which had to be his favourite sound, well that an when he had you in bed and did that thing you liked were he…

“John!”

He was caught of guard and pulled from his train of thought by Laswell calling him from across the base. She waved him over, he still took a few glances round looking for you, he would find you, he always did.

“Laswell, what can I do for you?”

“John, was starting to worry about you, it's 8am an I'm only just seeing you now?” Laswell cocked her eyebrow at him.

“Had a little lie in, needed it” he wasn’t lying.

Kate looked him up an down, he didn’t look tired if anything this was the best he had looked in a long time she had a sneaky suspicion a certain sergeant had something to do with it, but she kept that to herself. She just hoped that he knew what he was getting into.

“Fair enough, anyway we have a quick briefing later today with Colonel Shepherd, he just wants an update on things you know the drill” she started walking Price followed.

“No problem, who needs to be there, I’ll make sure to wrangle my lot” Price chucked wrangle was the perfect term.

“Just you will do, but if your guys can go meet Shepard’s team that would be great, little playdate” Kate laughed.

“Sure I’ll tell them to play nice”

Laswell smiled, Price looked distracted his mind was obviously somewhere else.

“Lost something John?” She knew what he was looking for, better yet who he was looking for.

“What? No…just wondering where my lot are actually, not checked in with them yet” he motioned for them to walk out onto the tarmac.

Laswell followed she had to hide the smirk, John Price was smitten.

As they walked out of the huge hanger doors, the hot sun in their eyes a yell came from over near the ATV’s. They both shot over a look in the direction it had come from.

Soap was soaked head to toe, his Mohawk flat to his head, jeans now a darker blue.

Where was his T-shirt Laswell thought? Before Price could question him, Kyle came running from behind one of the jeeps also missing his top and also soaked through!

“Haha where the hell is she?” Kyle was trying to catch his breath but his laughing made it difficult.

“Not a clue, but she’s messed me hair up!”

“Serves you right, you soaked her first! Hahaha” Kyle had set off laughing again.

Laswell spotted you first an instinctively pulled Price back a few steps as to not get caught in the crossfire.

You were ringing wet hair slicked back, white vest clingy to your chest, bad day not to wear a bra Laswell thought, but that was probably Soaps motive.

You launched the full bucket in the direction of the two topless men completely oblivious to your presence, in the commotion you grabbed two sponges hitting Kyle with one an Soap in the face with the other.

Before you could get away Soap grabbed you in a headlock pulling you to the now soaked ground a large puddle had formed, water splashed everywhere. You quickly gained the upper hand on soap an now had him in an armbar.

“This is what you get for being a perv! Tap out Mactavish”

“Not a chance lass, was worth it!! I’ll dry you off if you want!”

“Fat chance fairy liquid!”

As you two wrestled on the wet tarmac, Ghost grabbed the hose and started spraying you both like he was trying to break up a pair of fighting dogs, it didn’t stop either of you, if anything you got hold of each other even tighter, Kyle noticed Soap going slightly blue.

“RIGHT PACK IT IN!” Price’s voice boomed across the base causing you both to stop moving instantly.

“Let go of him Tank…” it was more a warning than a request. You did as you were told an released Soap from your grip, slapping him away when he tried to use you to push himself off the ground.

Kyle had gone silent looking at the ground, Soap looked to Ghost for help, who only sprayed him again in the face with the hose. You couldn’t meet Prices eyes so opted for the ground along with Kyle.

“What do you lot think this is a charity car wash?”

“We were just getting the truck clean an it’s so hot so we just…then Soap” Kyle started but was stopped by the ‘not now Kyle’ look from Laswell.

Price pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a loud sigh when he looked up he noticed your now see through top it caused the blood to rush down to his crotch, even though he was your Captain and you weren’t in the privacy of your little bubble where he could openly admire you he was still a man, your top clung to your wet skin, nipples hard from the slight chill from being soaked and the way you were biting your lip like you knew you were in trouble caused a fire in him, he almost wanted to bend you over his knee there and then showing your arse the palm of his hand. But that would be more paper work than it was worth, no matter how badly he wanted to.

Price pulled his eyes from you to look at Kyle and Soap who had apparently started this, Price didn’t know wether to scold him or thank him.

“Go dry off, you lot are going to meet Commander Graves and the Shadow company later and I need you all to behave, think that's possible?” Price glared at each of you. But his eyes remained on you and you could feel the embarrassment crawling over your skin.You felt like a child being told off at school, what made is worse was how he had be harsher on you now, since Soap and Ghost had caught you two in the showers the other night. He couldn’t be seen going soft on you.

Soap had been on the sly tormenting you about favouritism and how even if you threw a grenade into a civilian camp Price would give you a slap on the wrist but at the same time kiss you on the forehead. It was usually followed with Soap doing a terrible impression of him saying “it’s ok kiddo, I’ll make this all go away!” He knew it riled you up an you always gave him the reaction he wanted. Ghost told him to knock it off an that if he didn’t he would happily tell Price that he does a fantastic impression of him. You appreciated Ghost for that, but you had a feeling he thought something not too dissimilar, but he would never voice it he respected Price too much. Was it always going to be like this?

Laswell nodded you off, a silent get going before he has to repeat himself.

“You have 25 minutes an if you are not ready believe me I will come find you myself” Price watched as the 3 of you walked away.

“I'll go make sure the lads don't start again Cap” Ghost followed behind Soap and Kyle. You stalked off to your side of camp. Price watched you for a few seconds, he hated this, hated having to act this way but he was still you Captain and there was still a job to be done, but he made a mental note to make it up to you later. He also wasn't blind to the look Laswell was giving him.

********

The meeting with Graves and the Shadows had gone ok, Graves seemed nice enough. You and Rudy had exchanged a few side glances at each other, but other than that all seemed good. It was now the early evening the sun setting over the base as you all gathered outside under a canopy, getting acquainted. Kyle spent most of the evening talking football with one of the shadows who was an Aston Villa fan so you didn't have him to talk to, Soap and Ghost were listening to Graves talk about the last ‘Assignment’ he had been on. Rudy had Alejandro and every now and again you caught a glimpse of something between them a slight smile or wink, it gave you butterflies. You liked the idea that they had each other and if your theory was right and they did, you wondered how they made it work the Colonel and his second in command?

“Tank? Can I see you for a minute?” Price was stood just outside the canopy you were all gathered under. Most of the chatting had stopped and all eyes were on you now as you nodded making your way over to your Captain who had started walking ahead you followed. As you passed him Alejandro gave you a soft smile.

It felt like you had been walking for ages in silence, the sky now an inky blue, you were well out into the desert, still on the base but far enough that no one could see or hear you. Great you thought no one to hear you getting told off.

Price stopped in front of two large rocks, he motioned you to sit down on one and he took the other, he didn't face you instead faced forward. As you sat down you noticed he was tapping his leg, something you had only seen him do when he was anxious which was never.

“Im sorry” Price blurted out.

“What for?”

“Shouting at you like that, I shouldn’t have…there was no need I just…”

“It’s ok, to be a fair we were acting like kids, Soap started it though Kyle told him not to, but he did it anyway and..”

Price cocked his eyebrow at you? You sighed realising you sounded like a kid now telling tales.

“It's fine really, you have to be harsh on me or else it is favouritism” you kicked the dirt under your feet.

“I don't want to be harsh on you Tank, I hate it I really do, that's why I think we should just come clean about us” Price looked up into the dark blue sky now littered with little lights. You looked at him shocked come clean? Was he serious? You jumped up and started to pace.

“You must be mad! Are you joking? Please say you are joking! They will split us up, I'll get put back with Squad 8 and I’m not going back to that shit show! Dredd was the only good thing about it at least I could trust her! But no John I'm not doing that sorry, I'll take all the bollockings you can dish out, I'm not leaving the 141 , not again no…” You could feel the slight tinge of panic in you chest and Price could hear it in your voice. He stood up stopping you by the shoulders.

“Listen to me, I won't let that happen, never ever...I mean come clean to Laswell, Kyle so those closest to us know about us, so I don’t have to be so harsh, they will just have to accept the fact your my favourite” He gave you that eye-crinkling smile that slowed your heart rate slow down. He was right Kyle deserved to know.

“Yeh your right” you looped your arms around his waist burying your face into his chest, he smelt of warm sand, tobacco and kerosene. Price looked down at the top of your head looping his big arms around you in return.

“You know when I was younger, I wasn't afraid of anything, I didn't have the slightest fear of dying, no reason for it. I thought that if I died that was fine by me, I’ve come close a few times believe me Kid, but then I met you and I started to think that, I wanted to survive to live and for the first time, the idea of death scared me” Price looked up into the now pitch black sky.

“What I'm trying to say is this what we have found, I want to keep it safe, but I also don't want to smother it by keeping it hidden, we can do this, others have made it work. Listen I’ve been an idiot before and it cost me a year without you, don't think I could do that again so I want you right next to me where you belong and if that means a few select people know the score then so be it, they will find out anyway when they realise we have the same postcode and the kids come out with my eyes and your hair!” He was laughing now and it seemed to echo into the night.

You were lost for words, too stunned to speak. Kids? Same postcode? Who was this man? Price suddenly felt your silence and wonder had he said too much?

“Ermmm did I go to far with the whole kids and same postcode?”

You looked up at him a little smirk pulling at the corners of your mouth.

“A little, but your eyes? I wouldn’t mind that actually, but my nose…” you winked at him. Price sighed with relief letting out a little chuckle.

“Yeh your nose” he leant forward giving you a kiss. He glanced back towards the base.

“We had better head back before they send out a search party, bet they think your getting a right telling off!” Price draped his arm over your shoulder and started to walk back.

“More like a right good seeing to!” You elbowed him in the ribs giving him a comical wink. He pretended to hold this side laughing.

“That can be arranged? My room lets say about 2am?”

“Yes Sir!” You saluted him as you looped your arm around him.

“By the way what did you mean when you said ‘others have made it work’?”

“Ohh erm well don’t know if you’ve noticed but Alejandro and Rudy are pretty close who do you think told me to bring you out here tonight to talk?” Price looked out across the horizon.

“Ohhhhhh I had noticed it actually, well if a Colonel and a second in command can make it work then so can a Captain and a Sergeant”

As you both walked back to base linked into eachother Price felt like all his christmases had come at once, you just needed to get through this mission then you could really start making plans, he still needed to ask you out on that date.

[inkybloom-luv]

hi hi inky!! i hope youre doing well!!! i thought about my request and i decided to do something basic ^^ i hope asking for headcanons is okay? i didnt see any hc specific rules so UH IF!! YOU DONT WANT TO WRITE HCS DRABBLES ARE FINE!! WHICHEVER IS EASIER FO RYOU IM NOT PICKY!!!

im sure a lot of people can relate to this so yk,,, may i request azul (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and trey with a significant other thats very reserved around new people (like clings to them during social events and group projects but is still capable of working on their own if that makes sense?) just overall someone who feels really safe with them!! and theyre super bubbly and teasing when theyre around but with everyone else theyre :I

I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE?!?!? AND IF YOU DECIDE TO WRITE THSI REQUEST I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN!!! SUPER EXCITED TO SEE WHAT YOU WHIP UP EHEHEHEH and make sure youre drinking water and resting when you need to ^^ i will stop mothering you now just know that jamil loves u <3

Shy? Not quite

♪~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♪

Heyyyy I'm genuinely ashamed at how long this took me but ig I just needed better music?? Literally the second I put on the song I'm listening to rn it just came out like organized word vomit- anyway!!! HOPE YOU ENJOY I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT

Characters; Trey Clover and Azul Ashengrotto

Content; Trey and Azul hc's with a S/O who is reserved around most others, especially in a social setting but bubbly and teasing around them

Gender neutral pronouns used!

♪~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♪

Trey Clover

• I feel like Trey knows how to deal with a S/O that behaves in such a way

• He has siblings and in a way that’s how they act. That means he, in a way, knows how to handle the situation, but that doesn’t mean he’s not surprised when they act like that the first time.

• He remembers that clearly, they were teasing, joking and laughing on their way to an event but how much they quieted down once there almost shocked him.

• Almost because his sibling mode kicked in. He didn’t even realise until he’d taken most of the attention off them actually

• He didn’t ask what exactly happened with them at the event but when they left and were sitting back at home he did.

• He felt happy when they were back to their usual self although the teasing did make him grin sheepishly.

• He felt even happier when he learned the true nature of that shift; the fact they felt so safe with him that they could be themselves. The teasing sure did always catch him slightly off guard though

• Expect your favourite treat the next day with a sweet note and perhaps a few extra bits of affect here and there throughout the day

Azul Ashengrotto

• On the outside you wouldn’t think Azul was all that affected by his S/O’s behaviour

• Oh how wrong you’d be because he was very much affected!!

• Not that he chose to show it mind you, but their behaviour sure threw his poor heart through a predator-filled tsunami

• Regardless of that his acting barely faltered at the event itself though he did shoot them quite a few more glances than usual, as he was actually worried they were not feeling well.

• He actually asked about half an hour to an hour into the event if they were alright due to their suddenly much cooler nature.

• They were handling tasks with others rather well but still he was worried, so it put them at ease when they said everything was alright.

• He told them to speak up should they be uncomfortable or not feeling well regardless though.

• Like Trey he also only asked once having left the event and in the privacy of his office.

• To say his heard sputtered and his cheeks grew red for long enough to be caught like that would be divulging secrets, but here we are anyway.

• He did catch himself but he now knew they felt safe with him, safe by his side.. and perhaps he’d recognise soon he feels the same way about you.

[space-owl]

Okay time to finally talk about the boiling isles/The Titan/Kings Dad!

And why I love him and hes been a character of the show the whole time.

We first really "meet" the titan when Eda shows us the beauty of the boiling isles at the start of the show

Just a dead carcass, right? Thats how it seems at first but over the show we learn that the titan is magic! That the magic around Luz comes from the Titan! Now here is where the Titans character first really shines. He gives Luz the spell! And literally gives her a clue to make the connection!

Now we think that this just happened randomly because she really listened to the nature. But since we now know that the Titan was actually there, seeing and listening to everything, this was a choice he made! Notice how Luz saw the light glyph in the sky after she spoke directly to the Titan.

Luz: "youre supposed to teach me magic...."

And afterwards it starts to snow, revealing the glyph to Luz!

Afterwards in more episodes, and especially in season two we learn that the habitants of the boiling islands worship the titan. The question of course is if they always did this in the first place or if Philip was the one who convinced them that the titan is some sort of god. I think they always kind of worshipped the titan since it was important for Philip to earn the islanders trust and so he used an already established deity that was wroshipped by the witches.

Witch on screen: "he says he can talk to the Titan!"

Witches on the island constantly refer to the Titan like we do refer to god when we express worry or doubt or if we just wonder what is going on. ("Oh my Titan" "For Titans sake" "In the Titans name" etc)

And those graffiti. Sure they were most likely added to be jokes. But those jokes only work because it is established before that the witches of the islands see the Titan as a god!

Also see how Eda and Lilith react when they find out King is a titan!

Lilith: "I cant believe that all this time you had a titan under your roof! - GASP - Ive eaten ice cream with a god!"

The Titan didnt choose to be worshipped. But he chose to tell Luz the glyphs and how and where to find them. And he chose to not tell Philip about them!

Philip: "Took years to find them. Almost as if the world wanted to hide them from me."

Another instance that showed or hinted at that the Titan was still there, alive and watching out for King was when the wind gently brushed the swing he was sitting on in "Clouds on the horizons"

And - of course - something that got kinda overlooked by all of us, the GIGANT still beating heart in the throne room!

But we also learn that Titans themselves were crazy powerful. So powerful that they were the only ones who were strong enough against the collectors powers! Their blood is literally the cause of Luz being able to cast magic in the first place! Because of them and well because of the boiling isles Titan things from the human world wash up there constantly. Because they create those rifts.

So what did we learn? We learnt that the Titan is a big being that was crazy powerful and was worshipped by the witches on the boling isles. We also learnt that he has sort of a character of his own and may or may not be still around.

And THEN..... we actually meet the guy!

Basically in his pyjamas, what he is wearing is also basically merch from the show. The "bad girl coven" shirt and the glyph sweatpants. Thats something any nerd from the show would want to wear. He has a dad bod and the first thing he does is making a joke to Luz about himself. Yes he is wise and does give Luz a lot of advice and her crazy powers, showing that he is very powerful even when he is trapped in the inbetween. But he never considers himself better than Luz or anyone else on the isles. He is very down to earth!

Also the reveal that they dont take gender that serious but is totally fine with the title "dad" cuz thats what King has been calling him the whole time. All while he chuckles!

The Titan: "What? Have you been drinking Edas home brewed apple blood?"

When Luz presents them the idea that she "might just be as bad as Belos" he immediately asks her if shes serious about that in a joking manner.

And, of course, the cherry on top for all of this, is the one direct message they could send to their child. The only thing The Titan could EVER tell directly to King! And what is it?

King: "... I loaf you...? I loaf you!"

King: "... Oh hahaha! BREAD pun!"

Its a DAD joke! And King loves it!

I think none of us really knew who the Titan was and if hed ever show up ever on screen. (Honestly I myself thought its more likely that we would see Evylin and Caleb.) But whatever our idea from the Titan mightve been, Im sure no one of us thought it would be like this. The Titan turned out to be just some guy. Just a being that happend to slip into all of this mess. I think we can all learn from that that some things arent as big as they seem (literally.)

This reveal was awesome and I love that the show took this route with him.

[rainbowpui]

"SJ abused many talented disciples"

But it wasn't mentioned anywhere other than SY's chapters and I dont trust SY's pov on SJ especially not when he thought that SJ SA-ed NYY,SJ was in love with QHT, killed LQG and helped LBH to kill YQY.

LITERALLY SY is an unreliable narrator. he THINKS he knows everything about PIDW but most of what he thought at the beginning of the novel gets disproved. its... literally an important plot point that SY makes problems for himself bc hes too hung up on what he THINKS he knows about the characters. But like..... 99% of this is shown to be wrong....

in fact... realizing that almost everything he thought about sj is wrong.... is part of what makes him realize that what he has been thinking about LBH has been wrong too. why would we have to take his word from the START OF THE NOVEL about that when he discover he was wrong about everything else?

when sy wakes up all of sj's disciples were crowded around him worried and wanting for their shizun to wake up (except lbh). that.. doesnt exactly make me feel like they all hate him.

sy claims that sj was a lecher who lusted after his students..... but when we actually see sj's pov it turns out he isnt going to the brothels for sex but because thats the only place he can feel comfortable away from men bc of his trauma. we know its canon that he cares for nyy bc sy literally uses sj's care for her as a way to get around ooc and help lbh, but theres literally nothing to imply his affection is sexual in nature. sj saves qht and drags her away from the fire bc he feels indebted to her for being his only escape from the abuse by the other members of her household, not bc hes in love with her. even when saving her puts him in danger bc thats a loose end that can and does come back to bite him. tbh i cant say its canon that hes gay.... but he certainly doesnt seem to show any interest in women and gives "all of his loyalty" to another man and waits for him like a maiden waiting for her lover to return lol

we learn in the sqh extras that not only did sj not kill lqg in the caves but he tried to save him and just failed that time. we literally SEE sj save lqg on the mission with sqh and then get embarrassed and not even ask for credit for it.

sy blames sj for "killing yqy" but when we see the 79 extras.... he literally tries to push him away and tells him to leave when hes captured so that yqy stays safe and literally mentions that when he was FORCED BY LBH to write the letter he tried to make it obvious that its a trap. why is sj being blamed for lbh killing yqy just to hurt him???? sy CLAIMS to know everything about PIDW but literally the point mxtx is making by showing that sy is wrong about everything about sj.... is that maybe he doesnt know as much as he thinks... he thinks that lbh was the cause of the jinlani city plague as well and THAT is wrong too. (it was actually..... sy's fault. for releasing zzl.. OOPS.)

I dont care if he THOUGHT sj was like that at the start of the novel. hes not actually a reliable source!! esp at the start sj definitely DID abuse lbh. i dont think most sj stans will deny that or pretend that what he did was right. but.... we dont actually see him treat any other disciples poorly. if anything sy is the one making everyone else run laps and teaching them nothing to the point that sqh mentions that the disciples turn from "scholars" into "adhd children".... sy HIMSELF admits that its a good thing sj taught his students enough that they can basically run the sect on their own so that he can be lazy and do nothing and delegate to everyone else. i imagine that he might have been a bit strict as a teacher to the other students but thats not the same as abusing all of them. its literally just lbh he had an issue with

sometimes i feel like ppl didnt even read the same book when they take everything sy says at face value. hes a flawed character who is forced to rethink all the things he thought about BOTH sj AND lbh after witnessing sj's backstory makes him realize..... he cant actually assume he knows everything about these characters just bc he read PIDW. SQH himself admits that the sv universe is based on his rough draft, NOT on the dumbed down version that he was forced to write for the $$$ that sy ended up reading

somehow ppl can admit that sy was wrong about other characters but not about sj even when we see him proven wrong on screen??? its really strange... sj did SOME things wrong but not 99% of the shit ppl accuse him of

[sea-jello]

ANYTHING ABOUT BMCBLR ON THIS BLOG IS ALL IRRELEVANT NOW GO TO @bmcblr-remake

ill keep this post up but anything beyond the line is outdated

-------------------------------------------------

BMC TUMBLR REMAKE (!!PLEASE READ THE WHOLE POST!!)

okaay if youve seen my recent posts youll know that we MIGHT be doing an actual remake of be more chill right here on tumblr dot com! run by me ofc but i might need help down the line so you can sign up for that. its gonna be a completely fan made thing like im talking singing voice acting drawing music editing everything

ive gotten quite a lot of positive reactions to that post so ive made a google form if youre interested in participating! options include major roles minor roles editors artists and more take your pick

if youre not the best at singing then you can sign up for ensemble, for example the bg voices in guy that id kinda be into. no worries at ALL if you cant sing or draw or anything, theres gonna be a speaking ensemble too, for example the overlapping shouting in the smartphone hour. you can pick more than one role, for example ensemble + visuals, cause this is not a very big fandom so we're gonna need duplicates but if you want a major character role i'd prefer if you just stick with that tbh. if you want a major character role you can also pick more than one character! you can specify you want to try for rich, the squip and brooke or whatever. youre not actually auditioning for those roles yet i just need to see if theres enough people to cover every role

EDIT YO GUYS im sorry i forgot but deadline is end of the month! don't worry about timezones, as long as it's april for you you can still sign up. AGAIN I AM JUST CHECKING IF ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED so don't worry if you can't sign up now for whatever reason. you'll get another chance in the future, like an official sign up form. ALSO posts about this would most likely be under the tag #bmcblr remake thank you happistar for coming up with the word bmcblr it's funny as hell

KEEP IN MIND!!! WE ARE NOT FOR SURE DOING THIS I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. again i just need to see if enough people are interested to pull this off. ofc the more who are interested the more likely we would do it. also PLEASE please reblog or interact in some way so the word gets out! remember the more people the better

EDIT AGAIN it looks like we’re doing it! i will have an official blog and a masterpost up on that soon so if you’re still signing up be sure to go look for the forms for the art team, editor gang, music department and the actors on my blog as well

go crazy

im gonna tag the people who already said they were interested i really hope yall dont mind

@stealthkragen @merpiko @finallyheereandqueer @happistar @nezumithewriter @jarofmayonassey @mx-showtime @housebird @thetheatergremlin @celestetcetera @mynameismicah-getitright @william-austin @lohstandfound @lovely-blue-galaxy @genderlesssnake @twoplayergame @h0n3yk1tt3n @thefingerinthemiddle @thesquirrelqueer @tw0-player-game @enamelon @itsjustjo78

oh thats a lot more people than i thought i hope i didnt miss anyone

[friccafracc]

now with the knowledge of strandy being human and alive during the 1940-50's, i have a bunch of thoughts about him

1. you already confirmed that he was such a snitch, and seeing as mccarthyism was rampant during 1950-54, he definitely lied or snitched on so many people and got them blacklisted from everything just for the fun of it. i'm sure that this would've gotten him some sort of social status at this time, but for the sake of his character im ignoring that ❤️

2. going off ur other asks about him being the stereotypical white dad of an average 1950's american family, he's definitely the neighbor who is up at 7 in the morning mowing his lawn and smiles a little too wide at you. you think he's just being friendly but there's this genuinely off putting vibe that he has, but because he's so well liked by everyone in the neighborhood, you don't push it.

3. tbh i dont think that he would have any resentment for his wife at the time ?? like we as the listeners already know that he's weird but im sure he plays up the uncanny factor whenever the two of them attend any sort of neighborhood event/meeting

4. just like the well-liked neighbor thing, he's definitely that one guy at work who is employee of the month every other month, but you seem to be the only person who realizes how weird he identifies. he grips your hand with a shake that's a little too firm, and his smile makes your stomach flip so much that you think you might be nauseous. but your boss is constantly saying that he's such a good guy, and your worries are dismissed just like that

5. he definitely lives in a big big house in the suburbs. the type of neighborhood where there are multiple cul de sacs and the grass is always green and the pets are always running around and the husbands and wives are always cordial with each other

6. changed my mind about the social status thing. i feel like he could (and probably would) take advantage of his popularity with his neighbors and workplace, so he would never be under suspicion about something. you saw him digging holes up in his background late at night? no worries, he was just making new space for his wife to plant a new bed of flowers!

that's all for now but i'll send more when i think of them :D

YOU UNDERSTAND HIMMMM!!! he was a freaky-ass white boy!!! i didnt think about him having a wife, but the facade was important enough to him that he probably did find someone who would stay with him. Loveless, of course, pre-Stranger Strandy couldnt be bothered to find any meaning when it came to love

Still, i think you pretty much nailed what his life looked like before he became an avatar!! chewing on this chewing on this

[marvelstars]

Another interesting thing about Vader´s and Palpatine´s relationship is that unlike Count Dooku and Palpatine, were both truly were in it for the power and both made plans to destroy the other early on, there is almost a kind of camaraderie between the emperor and vader you don´t see with Dooku or Maul. The Emperor trusts Vader to have his back because he knows Vader´s loyalty even now is without question, that was always part of his character. Vader is above all loyal to the people he loves and the ideals he holds in great esteem and he loves the Emperor and is loyal to the Empire.

The Emperor does seem to enjoy having Vader around to talk to even if it´s one of his manipulation plots, at this point in his life he is the only one who still sees him as a person, not an authority figure or as a monster and Vader has grown too weary and tired to see where his master is faking it and where he is being honest so he doesn´t try to interpret it one way or the other but still feels a strong protective steak towards the Palpatine, despite the fact Vader was also getting ready to defeat the him with Luke´s help if that was what it took to keep Luke safe.

But then in ROTJ Vader seems almost ready to give up his post(life really) if that serves to keep Luke alive, because without Luke´s help, he no longer was strong enough to defeat the Emperor but also this protective steak for Palpatine is still there, he just feels the same for Luke now and that´s such a big conflict to him.

The Empire as an institution is such an important part of Vader´s plans and pov that connect with his wish to "bring order to the galaxy" which also connects with the " the biggest problem in the galaxy is that no one helps each other" that he was no going to betray the Empire just because Luke asked.

Vader believes the Empire can be fixed and the Emperor removed because he is no longer looking for the best interest of the Empire but he wasn´t going to betray it until it came to a choice between Luke´s life and the Emperor´s life, he made his choice knowing it would not fix what was but it would give a new beggining for something else to be born from there.

On this I believe Vader didnt thought much of the Jedi Order anymore, I believe he respected them as rivals, in fact he often gets angry on their behalf in novels and comics if he sees someone who is not a Jedi collecting or holding lightsabers, he kept his respect for them as an institution and as individuals, this is why I don´t prescribe to the idea in the fandom that he hated them, he didn´t he was dissapointed because he believed they lost their way, he has regrets for his part in their destruction but he regrets the younglings over everybody else, more than anything else.

So when we meet Vader in the OT he just has so many other things to worry about that they just escape his thoughts, they only matter to him in relation to Luke because Luke is important on his own, Luke is his Son and he loves him. He started letting go of the darkside the moment he found about the child he thought he killed with his mother, a child who was still alive, there was nothing he could do to change that darkside or not.

PD: If Vader lived post ROTJ it would have been interesting to see him in conflict with Luke, Leia and Han over what to do with the Empire, honestly a conflict of epic proportions because unlike them Vader could tell them all the issues the republic had as an institution that he hoped to correct with the Empire even if he agreed with them on the Empire´s(and his own) excesses.

A reedemed Vader would not join the rebellion automatically for the mere fact that the rebellion wanted to bring back the republic as it was and Vader knows very well the issues that began the fall of the republic even before Palpatine.

[dayurno]

recently reread ur de-aged kevin fic and in the end notes you said you were thinking of doing a sequel w neilandrew being de-aged and just wanted to throw my hat in the ring to say yes pls! you genuinely have such incredible writing and characterization and would LOVE to see your take on it!

wawawa i plan to write it!!!!! i did start a little bit after finishing de-aged kevin and had to scrap it off because i didn't like it, so it might take a little longer. nonetheless i feel like i have no reason not to share it so i'll attach under the cut the scrapped version of kevin with de-aged andreil for your enjoyment :=) if its a little wonky i ask that you bear with me theres a reason why i didnt keep this version

//

There is a little garden behind Fox Tower where you could fit a dead body without any real effort.

Not that Kevin would know, of course. But he is sure that he has never seen anyone besides himself tend to the ground there — perhaps once in the past there was another athlete who enjoyed gardening, but such a character has not been around for at least a few years. It took Kevin almost an entire week to entirely weed out the square of dirt between Fox Tower’s backdoors and the fence where Palmetto State University property ends and Fox Perimeter starts. 

Despite the loneliness of it, the ground is quite fertile; as patches of earth left alone by humankind often are. No one ever comes with Kevin when he gardens — Andrew finding it too soft a hobby and Neil, too pointless —, so there is no worry about someone else intervening with his flowers. Worlds apart from Evermore, Kevin quite enjoys the alone time tending to this garden provides, so he makes a habit out of it. 

He’s not sure how well he is doing. His first attempt had been to plant daylilies, because the name had amused him and they were considered beginner plants, offending as the thought is. Daylilies, Kevin’s come to find, are low-maintenance, highly resistant and pest-free — three things Kevin cannot relate to, despite them sharing a surname. Those turned out fine, but one cannot go wrong with daylilies; they’re too easy. The only way Kevin could’ve killed them is if he was an absolute moron.

His second attempt — and the one he is currently keeping a close watch on — were tulips. They’re harder to care for than their predecessors, and take up more of Kevin’s time than he had previously imagined, though he doesn’t fault them for it. He’d gotten seeds from a shop a few blocks down to where Andrew usually buys his cigarettes in Columbia, and hadn’t bothered to ask for more information; Kevin’s first mistake, he realizes.

His tulips have… multiplied. Perhaps too much — hopeless, Kevin sits amidst the rows and rows of golden ladies, dainty-looking but quite surely outnumbering him, and wonders how many more of them could cause a natural imbalance in the area. For how they spread over the garden, Kevin is not sure he wants the answer. Their yellow bulbs seem to mock him. 

Deciding this is now above him, Kevin wipes the dirt from his knees and springs up. He breaks the stem of a few tulips that have already bloomed, mindful that they must reserve their energy for a future reblooming, and checks for rotten bulbs before leaving. Surely, with time, his little garden will recover well enough so that it is not fully covered in tulips. Surely he’ll be able to plant something else, then.

If anything, Kevin is at least happy they don’t have thorns. Gathering the handful of flowers he’d cut off, he returns to his dorm, mindlessly wondering to himself if they have a vase wide enough to fit all of these tulips. When their whiny door pushes open under his weight, Kevin announces his arrival by calling out, “Do we still have that big vase from last year?”

No reply. Frowning, Kevin settles his flowers on the kitchen counter and glances over to where Andrew’s wallet and keys sit at their coffee table, even his half-finished pack of cigarettes left untouched. It is highly unlikely for Andrew to leave without at least one of those three items, creature of habit he is. How weird.

Grabbing for his phone, Kevin sees a flash of motion from the corner of his eye, and is just quick enough to sidestep a little body hiding behind the back of their sofa. The idea of something as small as this just hanging around their dorm is so baffling Kevin can hardly compute it, communication between his eyes and his brain coming to a screeching stop as he takes in the sight in front of him.

There’s a child. There’s a — there’s a child. 

He is quite small. His hair, a gentle wheat-like thing, curls softly over his forehead, leading down to big, round brown eyes and a thin mouth. The child’s face is very tender, his cheeks flushed from exertion, but he does not meet Kevin’s stare with any such feeling — instead, his eyes widen slightly, and he stumbles back like he’s been hit.

For a moment, Kevin even worries he hasn’t sidestepped as well as he thought and indeed had hit this child on accident. Taking a few steps back himself, Kevin asks, “Who are you?”

It seems like the kind of question the child should ask him, instead of the opposite. The little boy tilts his head back to look at Kevin — and he does have to tilt it very far —, before steeling himself to answer, “I’m—I think I live here now?”

“That…” Kevin hesitates, “can’t be right.” The child’s eyes water slightly. Growing more and more panicked by the minute, Kevin immediately retracts it. “But I’m sure it is, if you’re saying it.”

The tears don’t fall, but they don’t quite recede either; the little boy's face is so fair it starts to look splotchy soon enough, red dusting his nose and cheeks. “Are you my new brother?” He asks, with all the certainty of someone who’s had many new brothers before. A nagging chill runs up Kevin’s spine.

“I don’t believe I am, since I don’t have any siblings,” Kevin limits himself to replying. He crouches down to meet the child’s stare, eyeing his tulips from above his head. Kevin really needs to get that vase soon; it’s not good for them to be out in the open like this. “Can you tell me your name? Why are you here? Where are your parents?”

The little boy eyes him suspiciously. He answers none of Kevin’s questions, but he informs, “There was another little boy too.”

“Right. Well,” Kevin stumbles a bit, unsure of what to say — and what to believe in, even. Children often see things that aren’t there for adults; he does not want to see any manner of spirit today. Or any other day. “Can you go get him for me? Then I can help you figure out what you’re doing here.”

“What else… can I be doing here?” The child asks, frowning lightly. “This is a new home. They—at the last one, they didn’t want me. And I have to be somewhere.”

Recognition shivers through Kevin. “I see,” he replies past the lump in his throat. “I think I might understand. The—the little boy that you mentioned, did he have blue eyes? And, and red hair?”

Andrew crinkles his little nose. “Was orange, not red.”

Oh. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. “I understand it now.” Kevin’s thighs tremble too much for him to hold his crouch, so he sits back on his heels, kneeling at Andrew’s height. “How old are you? If you don’t mind.”

Andrew blinks at him for a moment too long before showing Kevin his spread palm — it is unbearably small, chubby, and quite pale, too. “I’m five,” he says.

And he is. He is five years old. He is very five years old by the looks of it, which is not the age Andrew Minyard should be, because before Kevin left for his garden, he was pretty sure the Andrew he left behind was twenty-one. 

“You’re five. Okay. That makes sense. Of course,” Kevin babbles, having gone half-stupid from shock. That this could be happening to him — that it could be happening to them again, after Kevin had spent a week of last month being six years old and with no recollection of it. What kind of rotten cosmic joke is this? “I see. Okay, well, let me just—” He rubs a hand across his face. “Hello, I’m Kevin. I am a collegiate athlete. That means I play Exy for a university. Have you heard of it?”

“Exy is on the TV all the time,” Andrew counters, but it seems to be all that he knows. He looks a little hesitant before he nods; tight and anxious. “Hi. I’m Andrew Doe.”

Without a surname makes one a John Doe. Kevin’s heart squeezes. “Hello, Andrew,” he greets, trying to work his face into something gentler. “I understand what you mean now. You called it a new home, correct? It’s not like that. I think what happened here is…”

“Do you work for my father?” A small voice cuts Kevin’s sentence short. He whips his head around to meet a boy a good few inches taller than Andrew leaning against the doorway of their bedroom, his hair a light ginger. When Kevin’s eyes meet his, Neil — Nathaniel? — hunches in on himself in self-reproach, placing little hands in front of his head. “Sorry. I spoke out of turn.”

Kevin blinks. “No,” he answers, softening his voice. This is—this is not the time to doubt whether gentleness is achievable or not; this is the time to force it until it breaks, or until it gives. “I don’t work for your father. I’ve never even met him before.”

 Neil pales. Perhaps the idea that someone does not know his father seems outlandish when Neil has been raised under his dominion — Kevin is sure it feels that way, for Neil to look so stricken.  Often when you are this small and your parents are the overlords of your world, it feels strange to learn that they are not the end-all-be-all of everyone else’s.  

Like a little tour guide, Andrew steps forward to explain, “I think you might be here because your mom and dad went away and children have to live somewhere.” 

…Of course, being five years old, his understanding of the situation is about as good as Kevin had expected. Andrew’s explanation of the foster system is fairly good, all things considered, but too realistic for a child his age. He should, at least, still believe that they mean to find him a family instead of sending him from home to home because there is nowhere else for him to be.

Neil pales even further. “Is that true?”

“Is true. Is what happened to me.”

“Alright, alright,” Kevin intervenes at last, and two pairs of eyes turn to him; both hesitant in their own way. He coughs into his fist, deciding that honesty is the easiest route. “To be frank with both of you, I’m not sure why you’re here, either. But… thank you, Andrew, for trying to explain it.”

The little Andrew’s face does something unguarded and surprised before he looks away, blushing lightly.

Kevin keeps his eyes trained to his tulips. “I don’t know what happened for you to get here, but you’re welcome to stay until we can figure this out.”

He is eyed with suspicion from both sides. “I,” Neil shakily starts, the beginning of a meltdown creeping into his voice, “I want my mama. Where is she?”

“I’m sorry,” Kevin replies, and finds that he means it, “I don’t know. If I knew, I’d take you to her.”

He would do no such thing, but it is important to say it, anyway.

Springing upwards before Neil can bring out the waterworks, Kevin takes a few steps next to where he’d put aside his tulips and returns with one in each hand. “Here,” he says, kneeling to their height again. “Want a flower? I just got them from the garden.”

Andrew’s hand reaches for it, but does not bridge the distance, hesitant. Neil doesn’t even try to get it. “Flowers are for girls,” he tells Kevin. 

“Hm. Do I look like a girl to you?”

“Yes.”

Kevin supposes that was a mistake on his part. It’s always the hair with children. “Well, I’m not,” he argues — argues! — with five-year-old Neil. “It’s very rude to not accept a gift.”

Neil eyes him, squinting quietly. He takes a few steps closer, looking more relaxed now that he’s figured Kevin is not working for his father. Coaxingly, Kevin offers one of the tulips in his direction — the bigger one, standing proud and yellow and delicate. It took a great effort for them to look this healthy. “These are called golden ladies. They’re perennials — that means they grow no matter the season. I plant them myself.”

A little hand curls around the stem of the smallest of Kevin’s tulips, catching it with all the clumsy delicacy of children who have yet to learn a finer touch. Letting Andrew take it, Kevin's mouth twitches. “Don’t worry about thorns, there’s none.”

He doesn’t mention the eco-system smasher Kevin had accidentally become in the process. Hopefully, no one notices the terrifying increase of tulips in Palmetto for the upcoming springs. 

Andrew doesn’t answer him, eyes trained to the tulip. The yellow of the inner petals matches the pale of his hair; makes him look more flower than child. Sweet, sweet boy.

Kevin turns back to Neil. “Won’t you take it even if you don’t like them? I don’t have a vase yet. I’m afraid they’ll just rot if you don’t take them.” This is a lie — but it’s a fair one. Children shouldn’t be so restrained.

The idea of imminent destruction seems to convince Neil to walk the distance between himself and Kevin to take the flower in his little hand. He says nothing. Kevin can’t tell if he likes it at all — he’s so put-upon.

A little hand flutters in the general direction of Kevin’s head. “Why is your hair…” Andrew asks. 

“What? Long?” The child nods. “What’s wrong about it?”

“It shouldn’t be like this.”

Well, that’s rude. Kevin huffs softly under his breath, absent-mindedly combing his fingers through his hair. “When I was a little over your age, I had a friend — a brother — who liked my hair like this. I think I just grew used to it.” 

It’s not the full story, of course. He can’t tell them about Riko, and how much of his preferences Kevin had taken as law out of admiration, at first, then fear, later on. He can’t explain, either, that his hair staying this way is his own way of mourning — a childhood left unfinished, a little boy abused into the insanity of Riko’s final years, brotherhood yet to be tainted by blood and jealousy. Children this young can’t tell Kevin carries all the marks of the grieving. 

“Oh,” Andrew replies. He looks like he wants to ask some more, but he doesn’t. 

“I can teach you how to braid it later, if you want,” Kevin offers. He has not even a sliver of a clue about what children should do in their free time. In his time, his mother took him all around the world during her trips, which didn’t usually leave Kevin much time for playing; then, after she died, Exy consumed most of his time between little league and Tetsuji’s endurance bootcamp. “It’s a useful skill. You can impress your future wife with it.”

He knows well enough that Andrew is never, ever going to get a wife; still, Kevin knows no other way to frame the importance — or, rather, mask the lack thereof — of this to him.  

Andrew nods politely. He, for one, is taking this much better than Neil seems to be — for good reason, Kevin imagines. Already registered in the foster system, Andrew must be used to adapting to new homes, new siblings, new adults with an eccentric knack for gardening and haircare. He’s indulging Kevin. A five-year-old!

“Well,” Kevin clears his throat, suddenly a little embarrassed. “Are you hungry? It should be almost lunchtime.”

No answer. It’s almost like dealing with the adults Andrew and Neil again.

Lunch is bland and unimaginative; Kevin follows the recipe obsessively, unwilling to make children choke down trash. It’s one thing for their adult selves to indulge Kevin in his lack of culinary talent, but children don’t yet have the taste buds for experimental food, nor the desire to put up with their caretakers’ inability to cook. More than once he resists the urge to add more spice — or even more salt. 

While he cooks, Kevin allows Andrew and Neil to get acquainted with each other. They talk quietly, eyeing the other with no less suspicion they eyed Kevin with, and seem happy to do their own thing. Skittish, for sure: but can they be blamed for it? Kevin doesn’t expect them to hit it off immediately, especially with Neil’s under-socialization. In the week or so Kevin should have them, it is likely they’ll progress on that front. 

Polite like a trained dog, Andrew waits by the kitchen doorway to help Kevin with setting the table. He’s far too small for such a task — he’ll drop any glassware Kevin gives him. Still, unwilling to let the child feel useless, Kevin asks him to set some napkins and cutlery out. Yes, that should be enough.

“Thank you, Andrew,” he says when he is done finishing up on their plates. Looking at the portions, Kevin is inclined to think they are far too much for someone of their size, but he doubts either have had access to an unrestricted meal in quite a while. At their age, Kevin knows he hadn’t. “It is very kind of you to help with the table.”

Andrew tilts his head towards his food without comment. He is almost unnervingly polite. It’s not the Andrew Kevin knows, and the contrast feels scathing.

Despite the children’s best efforts, their meal is not quiet. Kevin is not good with children, but he likes to think he is good with Andrew and Neil — as good as one can be, anyway. He prompts them into conversation by asking questions about their interests, their lives, their routines; half of it is trying to figure out how to care for these two, and the other half is emulating a chewed-out memory of how Kayleigh used to talk to him. 

She was never the kind of parent who baby-talked to Kevin. As soon as he was able to, she tried to engage him in conversation — however loose that concept can be for a five-year-old. Kayleigh, from what he remembers of her, had the ability to make anyone feel listened to; Kevin doesn’t remember ever doubting she cared for his childish babbling about toys and daycare, even if nostalgia had colored the memory a soft mouth-pink. He only wishes he would’ve gotten at least half of her social adeptness. From Kayleigh, all Kevin got was green eyes, a gaping hunger for success and an inescapable attraction to troubled men.

“I play Exy and I like books,” Kevin offers in trade for information. It’s — well, he doesn’t have many hobbies. The gardening and the cooking are a late product of much of Dr. Betsy Dobson’s insistence that Kevin must make something out of himself that isn’t Exy-related. “I like cooking but I’m not good at it. And I like gardening but it takes a lot of work so I don’t do it all the time.”

“It’s not that bad,” Andrew tells him, motioning to his food with small movements. He finished his plate in record time, inhaling Kevin’s poor attempt at a caesar salad like it’s a five stars meal. On the other hand, Neil is halfway through with his and looks done already. “Your food.”

“Not that bad?” Kevin tilts his head slightly, amused. He’ll take it, he supposes. “Thank you, Andrew.”

Hesitant, like perhaps he fears Kevin will be angry at him for it, Neil picks up the conversation where he left off to say, “I like… horses. But, um, like toys.”

 “Horses, I see,” Kevin repeats, a bit hopeless. Children’s interests are so loose. “And what else?”

Neil flicks him a suspicious glare. “What else?”

“I gave you four of my interests. A conversation has to be equal.”

Looking as if Kevin had sprouted a second head right in front of him, Neil does not do as he is asked so much as he stares at Kevin, mouth open in a little o. Has no one asked this child what he likes before? It feels out of character for the Butcher of Baltimore, sure, but Neil’s mother had seemed to care for him, at least from what little Kevin had heard about her. 

“No?” Kevin tries after a few moments of silence. “I’m just trying to be friends.” 

“Why would you be my friend?” Neil asks, putting down his fork with surprising care; as if to ensure it makes no noise. Even his voice is small and unobtrusive, despite the words. “Adults and children aren’t friends. Adults want children to be quiet.”

Kevin hides a wince. He hadn’t imagined the Butcher of Baltimore, in all his serial killer glory, would have indulged his child in conversation — and by the way Neil acts, he could’ve guessed for himself that most of Neil’s childhood had been trying to stay out of his father’s way. But no one ever wants to assume the worst out of a loved one’s suffering;  Kevin had held out hope there’d be at least a silver lining in Neil’s horror stories.

It is not unlike how Kevin and Riko were raised in the Nest, anyway. Their private tutors were stern, and despite much of their trying, there was no place for childhood in Evermore: they were told to keep quiet or else. The Master would often say that they were not to act like children — it hadn’t occurred to him up until now how cruel it is to forbid a child from being childish.

“Well, if I’m asking you, don’t you think I want to know?” Kevin argues. “Not all adults think the same thing. Do you think the same thing as every other child?”

A pause. Neil shakes his head, looking somewhat green, as if he had just realized what he said. From Kevin’s other side, Andrew stares anxiously. 

Rubbing a hand through his face, Kevin slowly puts out, trying to enunciate his words as gentle as he can make them, “I am not angry that you spoke your mind. It makes sense, what you said.” He shakes his head a little. Only a few minutes in, and he’s already ruining it — Kevin’s no good for anything that doesn’t involve a racquet. “But I would not have asked if I didn’t want to know. Do you understand?”

A small, careful nod. Kevin will take whatever he can get. 

“Good.” Kevin starts to gather the empty plates — his and Andrew’s —, and motions towards Neil’s half-finished one. “Do you not like it? I can make you something else, if you want.”

The sudden shift in conversation visibly vexes Neil, but, politely, he replies, “...Not hungry.”

From beside Kevin, Andrew flinches. Hurrying to dispel it, Kevin says, “It’ll be in the fridge in case you want it later.” Piling the plates into one of his hands, Kevin offers the other one to Andrew. “Come on, you didn’t get to tell me what you like during lunch.”

The child watches Kevin’s hand — the right one, smooth and unscarred if a little crooked from the years of gripping racquets — warily before accepting it, threading his little fingers through Kevin’s. His hand feels unimaginably small; so fragile it is a wonder it even exists. Kevin is reminded of the first time he saw a baby bird, back in Dublin: he’d told his mom he couldn’t tell if it was super ugly or super cute. She’d laughed for what felt like an eternity after.

Still sitting politely at the table, Neil watches their joined hands, frowning. Kevin can’t tell what he’s thinking — wouldn’t be able to even with an adult Neil —, but the face he makes claws at his heart. “N—” not his name,  “ah, do you want to come with?” 

Thus invited, Neil follows them into the kitchen. Kevin washes the dishes and listens as Andrew tells him, a little shyly, that he likes Sesame Street, street cats (“Really?” Kevin asks. “Aren’t their claws a little scary?” to which Andrew seems to lose some respect for him on the spot), chocolate and amusement parks, when he is allowed to go. It's a fairly common list — Kevin didn’t know what he expected a five-year-old version of Andrew to like. Something a little more unorthodox, perhaps.

But children are the same everywhere, at any point. Andrew soaks up the attention Kevin gives him, happy to answer all questions, if a little insecure on why Kevin would be asking them. Knowing where Andrew was at this age, he doesn’t doubt it’s been a while an adult has actually spoken to him with some level of care for what he has to say: when was the last time Andrew has actually felt companionship? Someone who hears what he says and asks questions about it? 

It feels sacrilegious to stop now. Already out of dishes to clean, Kevin scrubs and re-scrubs their plates until his hands ache as he asks Andrew questions, not unaware of Neil’s watching eyes.

“And how is it? California?” Kevin asks. The next thing he says is a bold-faced lie, because he’s visited Jean before, but he still says it. “I’ve never been. I heard it’s beautiful.” 

He’s heard no such thing. Jean seems to think California is where meaningful art goes to die, but he can’t tell Andrew that.

“Is okay,” Andrew tells him, propped up on a stool next to Kevin. His little legs swing mindlessly. “The traffic — there’s traffic. And Disneyland.”

“You’ve been?” He asks again.

“Oh, um, no.”

It’s expected. “I have not either,” Kevin relates, making it sound like a bigger woe than it really is. His hands are rubbed raw at this point, and the soap pricks at the skin of his palms — soon, he’ll have to stop. Just a little more. “I don’t think I’d like it, either way.”

Andrew watches him curiously. “Why?”

“I don’t like crowds.” It’s not as easy as that, but Kevin leaves it as it is. The prickling sensation of the soap starts to crawl up his wrist, and he decides it is time to stop. Drying his hands off on a nearby cloth, Kevin prompts, “How about some dessert?”

It is the first time he’s ever said those words, and they horrify him, but the quickly-hidden flash of interest in Andrew’s face is worth breaking his streak for. From the stool beside Andrew, Neil frowns lightly. This child is too serious — Kevin tries to remember if he was like this back in little league, but his memory is not the best after so many hits to the head.

He rummages through their freezer. Andrew’s adult self is fond of indulging — there are a few half-eaten ice cream cartons tucked beneath frozen peas and other such vegetables, though most of them are flavored a cherry liqueur Kevin will most certainly not feed to children. Scavenging further he is able to retain a sealed chocolate carton, the frost covering it making his fingertips tingle. 

This has to be too frozen to eat. Helpless, Kevin turns to look at the two five-year-olds as if they have a better idea. It’s weird, now, to be the person Andrew and Neil look to for answers — Kevin is used to it being the other way around. He is caught thinking that he’ll probably struggle in the coming days, without his two little shadows making life easier for him. 

“I think if I microwave it a little bit, nothing’s going to happen,” Kevin mumbles to himself, aware that he is not inspiring much respect as an authority figure. He’s no Andrew, after all: Kevin’s still himself, despite all his best efforts to be someone else. 

The ice cream loses some of its original texture in the microwave, but, if anything, Andrew seems to enjoy it as Kevin passes him a bowl. Neil does not accept one himself, politely saying he doesn't like sweets, and the lack of attitude from him is disturbing. Kevin is used to Neil being a force of nature — seeing him this quiet, this contained, is not easy. It makes him think of the iron-shaped scar on his adult self’s chest. All that dead skin. 

Unwilling to let him be left out, Kevin cuts some slices of apple for him, which Neil takes with some degree of gratefulness. The little boys settle in front of the TV while Kevin manages to find a children’s channel, looking small on their ratty dorm carpet. Kevin isn’t sure children should be this small in the first place — he’s not sure if they are little because of genetics, or neglect. How much can you hurt a child until they disappear?

Kevin sits himself with them, cross-legged. He is too old to see the appeal of children’s television, so most of it is watching them from the corner of his eye and finding out what to say to Aaron to get him to come and help. 

You 14:36

Hello. I think whatever happened to me last month just happened to Andrew and Neil. 

As in, they have turned into five-year-olds. If you’ve forgotten. 

When there is no immediate response, Kevin huffs to himself and snatches a picture of their two little heads pending towards each other, deep in conversation about the show they are watching. Kevin is, at least, relieved to see them interacting at all: Andrew might have been to kindergarten already, but Neil has always been undersocialized, all tutors and nannies. If Kevin can’t be his friend, then at least Andrew can. 

The picture gets him a quicker answer.

Aaron 14:45

what the fuck what the fuck what the ufck

why doe sthis keep fucking happening to you 

Like it’s his fault!

You 14:45

This is not the kind of thing I can control. 

They are good children. Polite. Easier to deal with than I was, I wager. But  I need you to come and help. 

Aaron 14:47

why should i

what makes you think i could help you

You 14:49

Because he is your brother. 

Before Kevin can read Aaron’s answer, something hooks on his hair. Looking down, he finds Andrew’s hand hanging a few inches away from it, alarmed and wide-eyed at being caught. Behind him, Neil looks just as queasy, as if this had been their joint effort. 

“Can I help you?” Kevin asks, raising his eyebrow a little. When he gets no response, he concedes, "You can touch. Don’t tug or pull. And keep it away from your mouth.”

No response. Kevin doubles down, “It’s really fine. Here.” He pulls his hair out of its low ponytail, letting it curtain down his shoulders and back. It’s not often he lets his hair down like this — it can be too much of a hassle. Kevin ought to cut it one day, but the thought still makes him a little sick to think of. “As long as you’re careful.”

An hesitant little hand inches closer and closer, still warily watching out for Kevin’s reaction. When Andrew finds no resistance, he combs little fingers down the length of Kevin’s hair, faint and amazed. He’s not very gentle — children are too clumsy for it, still, and there is some tugging. It doesn’t hurt, though. Kevin allows it.

Resigning himself to being played with, Kevin gives them his back, leaning his elbow against the couch. Another pair of little hands clutches at a chunk of hair, and he knows Andrew has convinced Neil to get in on their impromptu hairdresser salon. At least they’re playing, Kevin consoles himself as he feels a pull on his scalp. At least they’re getting along. 

“I have hair ribbons on my desk,” he offers, knowing what he is setting himself up to and still going through with it. “Colorful ones. Satin. Would you like to see them?”

A pause on the tugging. “Really?” That was Neil.

“Yes. But I’ll have to get up to get them.”

“I can do it,” Andrew tells him, the ever-helpful little waiter. He’s so polite — Kevin wonders if they taught him there is a higher chance of getting adopted if you treat the foster parents with subservience. Probably. “Where is it?”

“Andrew, it’s fine—”

“I’ll do it. He’s still playing, so I’ll do it.”

So kind, giving Neil time to play by himself. Kevin, helplessly charmed, would allow him anything. “Okay. Thank you.” Motioning vaguely in the direction of their desks, he says, “It’s the one with the shelves on top of it. Yes, that one, with the books. Be careful not to hit your head!” Watching Andrew narrowly duck under a shelf gives Kevin half an aneurysm, but the child seems no less interested in his quest. “First drawer. There. Did you find it?”

“Yes,” Andrew replies, shoving a chubby fist into the drawer and pulling out a handful of hair ribbons, all different colors and sizes. There was an organization system to it, and his careless pulling has clearly ruined it. A little disheartened, Kevin doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “This?”

“Yes. Please keep the drawer closed.” 

The drawer snaps shut, and Andrew makes his way back to them, freshly acquired ribbons falling over his fingers and wrist in colorful flops. Kevin doesn’t see him sit back down, but he feels Andrew’s hand on his hair again. “Why do you have shelves?” Neil asks after a few moments of silence, their hands working ribbons in his hair via extremely clumsy braiding. “Um, just you, I mean. The others are empty.”

That he’s asking anything seems like a blessing, when the child is so quiet. “My—” Kevin hesitates. How to even describe it? “My… friend built them for me. The shelves. He got annoyed at me for leaving my books everywhere.”

 It’s true. Just as Kevin loathes Andrew’s habit of leaving his cigarettes anywhere, so does Andrew loathe Kevin’s astray book piles across the living room, left half-read or unfinished in his haste to get to class or practice. The shelves had been less of a compromise and more of a surprise: one day, they were simply sitting above his desk like they’ve always been there. Kevin never asked Andrew if he built them, but he figured the wood splinters on his fingers were reason enough. It took a lot of arguing for Andrew to take them out the right way, instead of just letting the splinters break on their own.

“Oh,” Andrew says, entirely unaware of the story being about his older self and focused on tying a bow on Kevin’s hair. “Where is he?”

“There’s two of them, actually. They’re away for work.” Kevin leans his head closer when the tugging starts to get a little painful. “What are you doing back there, anyway?”

“It’s pretty,” Neil murmurs, defending his work. Kevin doubts it is, but he’s happy to even have the little Neil’s attention at all. 

“You know how to braid?” He asks, trying to steal a look and getting his head gently moved back by Andrew. “By the way, what’s your name? You haven’t said.”

Neil hesitates, hands freezing. Kevin keeps talking, “Whatever you want to be called.”

 “Um,” Neil thinks on it for a moment. He seems to be rolling Kevin’s hair nervously around his fingers now; a nervous fidget. “My—my dad calls me Junior, but my mom calls me Nat—Nathaniel.”

 He doesn’t say it like he enjoys being called either.

“Hello, Nathaniel,” Kevin tilts his head in acknowledgement, because he wasn’t raised in a barn. “I’m Kevin. It’s nice to meet you.”

Shy little thing he is, Nathaniel doesn’t answer. 

The children play with Kevin’s hair for a few more minutes before losing interest, leaving him a mess of ribbons and tangles he decides not to deal with for now. He imagines they should be put to sleep soon — children this small sleep in the afternoon, do they not? At their age, Kevin is sure he had to be made to nap one way or another, what with his mother’s hectic schedule. It’s a bit of a parenting cop-out, he is aware, but… Kevin could use a nap himself. Sure the children do, too.

He makes a show out of yawning behind his palm. Two pairs of eyes turn to him, neither particularly moved by his display. Tough crowd. 

“Maybe we can all take a nap,” Kevin suggests. Nothing.