#as someone with depression and adhd there are times where the Act of Having Fun is simply not possible

[mister13eyond]

talking to a friend about getting back into art and i think the #1 most important piece of art advice i could ever get or give is just "figure out what is FUN to you"

like i think there is sooooo much emphasis on how to build SKILL in art but a lot of it really treats art like a job or like video game grinding, like it's this thankless job that you have to work at in order to reach a Threshold and i know it's not EASY to make yourself have fun but like

imo a solid 70% of the reason i create art is because the Act of Drawing is fun to me. it's fun problem-solving and planning and putting down lines and playing with colors and tools. it's fun to depict little scenes in my head or to create outfits or to find ways to fill the canvas. never forget that creating can be fun. sometimes it's hard and sometimes you have to battle through your own blockades to get there but the ultimate goal should always be to ENJOY it, to find what you enjoy doing and then do it forever. improvement will follow enjoyment.

i think especially with all the debate about ML image generation it's more important than ever to embrace FUN. if you're only focused on the end result it's so easy to get in your own head- to think about what doesn't look good or what skills you don't have yet or to compare yourself to other artists. but photography didn't kill the art of drawing and AI won't either because, simply put, there will always be people who want to do the physical act of making art because it's fun to do! using paints and markers, splashing colors around, doing shitty pen doodles, using the symmetry tool in your art program to do abstract mandalas that are just squiggles formed into patterns. do art like you're 5 and you've been handed markers to pass the time. do art like you're bored in class and you're keeping your brain entertained by drawing stick figure comics in the margins. do art like an absent thing, do art because it satisfies your brain. the goal is not to make something beautiful and perfect, the goal is to make something because your hands need to make and your body needs to make.

[frogdisco2021]

How much better would it have been if instead of saying "shut up emo nerd no one ever pushed you away, you imagined all the rejection" Will said something like "listen, those people are judgemental jerks, but there are people here who want to be your friend! *I* want to be your friend, if you'll let me! There are people here who would be happy to see you stay, myself included!"

Cause him saying that no one ever pushed Nico away is literally just not true, we see from other characters perspectives that they see Nico as weird and untrustworthy. He has no cabin to stay in before the Last Olympian and many people are disturbed by the sheer fact that a child of Hades is walking around. There's literally a scene where the seven, including Jason who later becomes one of Nico's closest friends after he begins to understand him better, debate on leaving him to suffocate to death alone in a jar. For real I don't know how it was seen as a good idea to make Will borderline gaslight Nico and have that be seen as like....tough love??? What Nico needed to hear???

Isn't a better explanation that Nico WAS rejected by some people at camp, but there were others (including Will) who tried to befriend him but Nico always thought they were just trying to mock him so he'd respond by being mean aka "pushing himself away"? That's a really common thing with kids who are bullied or feel rejected, if someone is suddenly nice to you, you don't trust it. You think they're just trying to get close to you so they can make fun of you.

It would be especially fitting since Nico along with all half-bloods have ADHD, the fact that ADHD also often comes with rejection sensitive dysphoria could've been leaned into. Nico WAS rejected, and because of that, any time someone would make a legitimate attempt at befriending him he'd push them away. That actually makes sense and validates the feelings of the most depressed and isolated character in the series instead of turning it into him just imagining the years of people acting like he has the plague.

[unfortunatelyself]

✨️ My autistic/adhd headcanons: ✨️

Dipper Pines

From Gravity Falls

Mabel being autistic and adhder is a popular headcanon I've seen several times, but I dont understand how no one seems to care about poor Mason guy. I mean, its clear for me that he is autistic as well. He struggles in social situations, has anxiety, wears the same outfit everyday to avoid wasting time thinking about what to wear, the diaries and the author are clearly his special interests to the point he doesn't sleep bc of it, he stims without even noticing by chewing pens when he's stressed plus he's probably trans.

Star Butterfly

From Star vs the forces of evil

This is a headcanon I've seen a little discussion on and I completely agree. Star behaves differently than those around her and although the show tried this to look like a cultural shock cause shes from another dimension, even in Mewni the only one who understands her is her father. She has echolalia, she happy stims by jumping and clapping, she hyperfocus/obsess, cant stand boredom, always find a way to have fun, she cant get the hint that someone dont like her; Marco was running away terrified of her while she was happily waving at him and saying goodbye and when Britney told her she would invite her to her party when pigs fly she took it literally. She's passionate, resolve things her way, can have strong emotional reactions, shes creative, very energetic and with a strong sense of justice.

Spongebob

I dont even know where to start, not only bc it is incredibly obvious hes autistic, but also it makes angry that his autistic traits are portrayed as annoying in the show and the ableist inside it.

His special interests are krabby patties. He loves his work, although its not even a work for him, its his life, he loves doing this with a passion, he don't want to stop doing it and gets depressed when Mr Crabs forces him to have some vacations.

He can became hyperfocus/obsessive, specially when it comes to krabby patties and the krusty crab in general.

He is very sensitive and experience his emotions very strongly, hes caring and get attached easily.

He doesn't get when people dont like him, although he is aware that he annoys Squidward and even have a day only to annoy him with Patrick, the rest of his interactions with him or anyone, he doesn't seems aware, something thats portrayed as "dumb" which I totaly hate btw.

He acts younger than he is, even some citizens of bikini bottom refer to him as a kid, when he's actually 20 something. More like an adult who does whatever he wants and makes him happy to me. It doesn't seem like he dislikes being called a kid by others but it stills annoy me a bit cause the ✨️ ableism ✨️ yk.

He has an "inappropriate" and "annoying" laugh and in general he is "annoying" and it piss me off that all that considered annoying are nd traits, and it personally annoys me more bc Spongebob has been my favorite cartoon since I'm like four and most of the think he does, I do them too.

Luz Noceda

From the owl house

Since episode one u can tell she has adhd and how the principal(? of her school and her mom, instead of trying to understand her, only want her to change and bahave like she should. Not like the spiders where the best idea but still, they also wanted her to stop engaging on her silly fantasy books. Very understandable she decided to stay at the boiling isles.

She lives in her own world. She's full of creativity, passion, new ideas, she wants not only to explore the world, she want to do it now, like, rn. Shes also very energetic, always ready for an adventure or a lecture as long as shes interested.

Oscar

From Summer Camp Island

He is so clearly autistic to me. He has difficulties with change and adapting, something we see the moment he arrives at the camp and his parents leave; he even tries to leave bc this new environment, all the changes, being away from the safety his parents represent its too much for him.

Hes anxious asf, hes clumsy and a little clingy. He get his confidence when he feels safe with his friends and in the moment theyre not around he starts getting worried.

He is a calm guy who likes doing things his way and prefer staying at his cabin, chill and cozy but who also likes and is willing to go on adventure as long as he feels comfortable and safe with his friends, from which he gets his strength.

Reassurance and a book are enough to make him happy.

I love him. Hes also the character i relate the most with from this list (I relate to all except from Dipper and Neddy).

Neddy

From adventure time

Same thing as with Dipper and Mabel, Neddy is Princess Bubblegum brother, her being autistic is a well known headcanon but Neddy, oh man, hes pretty much too but since he has so little screen time I wouldn't be surprised if people dont even remember him.

He is non verbal and very very sensitive to noise and change, being Bonnies song the only thing that can calm him during a meltdown.

There's not much else to say, Bonnie and Neddy is the only episode hes part of, but i think thats enough. Since the very beginning, he seemed very overwhelmed by the different environments and noises him and Bonnie were facing after leaving the mother gum. He desseperatily cries and tries to run away from the danger or discomfort hes feeling.

I really wish he had at least another episode to see his relationship with his family and to understand and get to know him more, apart from the ending scene in which Bonnie and their aunt are singing to him.

(For the record, i dont like Bonnie but i do like this quote from Bonnie and Neddy. It also goes pretty well with this post.)

[gentil-minou]

Dang, I didn't realize you stopped writing ML analysis because some dweebs were raining on your parade and making fun of it. You wrote some of the best stuff looking at ML and I'm sorry jerks ruined that for you. Both you and this fandom have been robbed of something great because some people just can't let other enjoy things.

i mean there are a lot of reasons, both personal and fandom related. My work is very demanding, I had some traumatic shit that happened a few months ago I'm still processing, and my interests in fandoms go up and down over time, like right now it's pretty clear to see i'm more active in other fandoms besides ML.

But honestly the awful way the fans have been acting towards this season, not just in the way they rain on everyone's parade but also the way the bible and leaks have spread so far and wide. While that isn't the fandom's fault persay it's still awful. the fun of theorizing is gone when a bunch of people know what's going to happen, so naturally i just kinda stopped (then all the broadcasting bs that always bothers me ugh)

But I think the one thing this fandom hasn't seemed to realize is that it takes a lot of effort to write about this show, especially if you're an adult or a student who has other things going on. It's easy to leave a comment that hates on the analyses they write, and it's also easy for it to feel like a personal attack.

Think of it this way, so many people relate to Adrien and Mari, in so many ways. They can see themselves in them, even their faults and mistakes mean something. It feels incredibly validating for someone to be able to see that.

Take my Adrien has depression posts for example. Because I've had depression since I was younger than him and did a lot of the same masking behaviors he does, it meant so much to me. Here was a character who seemed to be going through what I was at the time and still struggle with today. It was so wonderful to see on screen because it felt like I was finally being seen. Or another example would be Mari's anxiety and ADHD which I also relate to so much, especially when it causes her to make some mistakes or handle things in the wrong way. It's classing anxiety-avoidance cycles, and seeing it on screen made me feel like I wasn't so alone. And I am sure so many other people felt the same way

And then there are people who go and say awful things about these characters on a post where you express those feelings. How Adrien is being a whiney baby or whatever bs they say, how his actions are a sign of him being selfish instead of all of the trauma and neglect he's experienced. Or how Mari's complex thinking patterns and behavior are relegated down to her being a stalker or a mary sue or what have you, once again completely ignoring the core complexity of her character as just a normal girl who was forced essentially to be a superhero. The pressures of which would be tremendous on anyone let alone someone with clear ND traits and traumatic experiences.

And people insult those fictional characters, so quickly and easily, without realizing the very real damage they are doing to the very real people who see themselves in them. I've talked so much about why I love sentiadrien because i can see some of my struggles in that storyline, and then to have people say that no it doesn't matter because my experiences aren't as important? that it's invalid because there's only one right way to experience trauma? that im wrong for finding solace in it? it's awful, and it puts me down.

i shouldnt be feeling invalidated when im watching my comfort show, i shouldn't spend days writing very careful posts only to get them shat on by insensitive comments. as much as i want to ignore them and focus on the good i do and the fun i get from it, it still feels like a stab through the chest every time.

and then there are the people who say i'm an awful therapist because they don't agree with my analyses. that's the worst, and while i won't go into details about why this particular statement brings me so much pain, i just need folks to understand that it's genuinely one of the worst insults i've ever had. and if everytime i write something i have second guess myself, and then second guess if i even have the skill and talent for the field i'm in, it just becomes a horrible spiral. people make these comments like they're the easiest thing in the world to say and it just boggles my mind, because although they may have forgotten their stupid little tag i certainly haven't. i hold them deep in that dark part of my brain where the whispers are loudest and hardest to control.

ultimately, the last few months i wanted to remind myself why i like this show and this website in the first place, and that i'm doing it for me. life is hard enough, if i can't have fun in the one place i can control then what's the point? so i will control my own experiences within this fandom, even if other's want to rain on it

[leorawright]

oh my gosh how did i miss that u have overwatch matchups available???(it's a very easy answer. i am never on tumblr)

If you would be so kind as to do romantic one for me:

I am a genderfluid afab person and the only thing shorter than me is my patience. I am demisexual/demiromantic, poly, and like all genders.

I get angry really easily but hate showing it so i just end up going around in a bad mood acting like everything is ok

i have pretty bad anxiety and appreciate having someone confident enough around to help me with simple tasks(ex ordering food or speaking on the phone) but who won't make fun of me. I can also send myself into a spiral by thinking of things that stress me out. So someone who is a steady presence i always appreciate.

I enjoy all things creative. I mostly write and draw but am willing to try new things all the time.

I look at things in a very logical way. I don't like using my emotions to make decisions and i enjoy learning new things all the time. I am a naturally curious person who is always looking to expand my knowledge.

I have a mix of so many things wrong with my brain. ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression. I work really hard on them but sometimes i have days where i just struggle.

Mixed and can speak a lil bit of spanish. It isn't perfect but i can struggle my way thru most conversations.

I really like someone who is open with what i do wrong. Just tell me what i need to fix and don't make it into a whole thing. Open communication is very important to me. I don't want to feel like im walking on eggshells around them if they are too sensitive

I am a VERY determined person, once i set my mind on something i won't give up easily. I can almost be stubborn in my pursuit of goals.

I enjoy gaming, reading, watching anime/cartoons(i don't rlly like live action shows), drawing, and learning new things.

I LOVE cooking. Giving food to others and sharing a meal/snacks is a way of showing love to me. I honestly take it a bit like an insult if someone i care about isn't willing to give me a bite of food off their plate. I know it's silly so i never say anything about it or hold it against them. But to me sharing food and wanting others to experience the same good food as you is the same as saying "i love you" a million times.

I like toys and stuffed animals and cartoons and other stereotypically "childish" things. I'm not ashamed of it.. (well... usually...)

I love joking around and a good pun can get me wheezing from laughter.

I'm not much of a social person, and prefer to spend my time indoors and alone with only one or two other people. I enjoy parallel play and comfortable silences.

I hope this wasn't too much... i just can be really wordy and ramble a lot.. sorry!

I've picked out....

Zenyatta!

Definitely the calm presence you need and never ever considers making fun of you for your social anxiety.

He enjoys seeing the things you write and draw and offers genuine compliments about everything

He also encourages having direct conversations and if he ever needs to talk to you he'll get straight to the point

He thinks your determination is admirable. Just make sure you eat and drink and take breaks or else he'll get super concerned

He can't really eat any of the food you make but he wishes he could (if only to see you smile)

Expect to receive a couple stuffed animals that he saw and got because he thought of you

If you enjoy a bit of sarcastic or sassy humor then Zenyatta will definitely make you laugh (he still doesn't really understand normal jokes tho...)

Zenyatta also enjoys comfortable silence especially if he's meditating you're just doing your usual things

[starry-skies-116]

Self-Indulgent Headcanons for Cuphead from The Cuphead Show because I can:

This cup can fit so much neurodivergency inside of him- AuDHD comorbid. What can I say? This little dude has both ASD and ADHD combined type- if a telepath tried to read his brain, it would literally be some sort of bitcoin string combined and layered on top of each other combined with a bunch of windows errors and glitching CRT effects. Cuphead has the personality of Yoimiya, Klee and Hu Tao all combined- a pure chaos catalyst, and he himself is the harbinger.

He’s such a goofy little guy- so fun-loving and carefree and genuinely sweet- ah, but did I mention undiagnosed neurodevelopmental disorders can basically ruin someone’s life?

He secretly harbors a lot of pent up depression and shame, thinking that he has personality flaws instead of a debiliating developmental disability that makes life astronomically and instrumentally, laughably hard. Like, my guy, it’s not your fault that you have a terrible memory or lack foresight or insist on sticking to your plans and are terrible at changing them or will do literally anything to get what you want because “oh god what if it’s not there tomorrow what if this opportunity leaves.”

Cuphead is an energetic, enthusiastic go-getter who never lets an opportunity escape his sights- however, he tends to disregard small details in pursuit of his hyperfixations and goals, and always tends to act on impulsive and reckless tendencies. His dopamine starvation and overwhelming need to feel pleasure and reward through haphazardly set goals in any way, shape and form masks itself as a reckless type of greed- why do you think he gets so excited at the prospect of the Devil offering him 10 bucks to the point where he’s willing to risk his soul? When’s the last time you’re ever going to see 10 bucks? Especially during the 1930s, the time of the literal Great Depression. Can you really blame him for following such an impulse, even if he didn’t have financial prudity in mind when acting on it?

Also, look at this dude. Just LOOK at him. You can’t tell me he doesn’t give off the vibes of a transmasculine asexual who doesn’t understand gender beyond Being A Dude™.

Cuphead is aware sometimes that he can be ‘too much’ for Mugman, and this thought sends him into rumination spirals of sorts whenever he thinks about it. He genuinely loves his brother and doesn’t want him to get hurt, so he just bites his tongue and continues using his behavior as a coping mechanism to mask his guilt and anxiety (basically he secretly thinks everyone hates him- which isn’t too wrong but still, my guy, you’re that scrunkly and ilysm <3).

Genuinely, he’s so kindhearted and such a good, well-meaning kid despite his flaws, but lacking certain things and traits due to a disability and having them labeled as HIS fault takes such a toll on him without him even realizing that the guilt is present and eating him alive from the inside out in the first place. Of course, they DO bleed into his personality, but they can’t EVER be confused with a dopamine deficiency and developmental disorder occuring in the brain.

Cuphead’s safe food is hot dogs. I know y’all are going to attack me in the comments like ‘oh not all favorite foods have to be safe foods’ but have you seen the King Dice episode? That one where Cuphead basically YEETED his speech filter to oblivion because HYPERFIXATION? Broski gushed about hot dogs three times- he LOVES hot dogs and pancakes, especially with COPIOUS amounts of maple syrup. Texture good, taste good, what can he say? They’re just that GOOD.

In addition to that, his favorite foods can be anything spicy and/or deep-fried, basically some of the snacks that can be found at the snack stalls throughout the Inkwell Isles.

Also?? This cup chronically loses things due to a crippling lack of object permanence and spatial awareness. Papers? Puts it down, now they’re gone after 0.0000000001 seconds. Elder Kettle’s tire? Oh, where did it go, did it roll out the fence again even though I NEVER touched it? The out-of-sight, out-of-mind principle always applies with him and the way his mind operates, which is why he sometimes panics when Mugman or Elder Kettle moves his belongings from their original place or puts them down somewhere else because “NO NO NO DON’T DO THAT I’M NOT GONNA FIND IT LATER BECAUSE MY BRAIN WON’T LET ME RETAIN INFORMATION IN MY SHORT-TERM FOR LONGER THAN FIFTEEN SECONDS MAX NO- Guys I know this looks messy but IT’S ALL LIKE THIS FOR A REASON I SWEAR.”

Special interest? Fireworks and fire. Basically anything that’s shiny and sparkly and emanates warmth. Cuphead LOVES operating with fireworks and explosives- something about those bright flashes of light, ribbons of colors streaking across the sky and the low-frequency sounds vibrating through him alongside the boom echoing in his ears making him feel truly alive, with his heart beating so happily in his ears and him feeling it within his chest as he’s not even aware of the big smile across his face. Something about the sensation of working with fire, feeling the crackling within every pore of his being as something ignites making him SO DAMN HAPPY as that adrenaline and dopamine rush hit him. GOD he loves it so much.

In a way, this little cup reminds me strongly of Yoimiya from Genshin- an energetic, enthusiastic kid with an entrepreneurial spirit and a domineering, foolhardy personality due to a constant dopamine deficiency- the ultimate AuDHDers. Also, they’re incredibly talented pyrotechnicians and have an affinity for things associated with fire, elements of daytime and the sun. And the fact that Cuphead is a mischievous prankster like Hu Tao? Icing on the cake.

In the show and game both, Cuphead has black pie-cut pupils due to the characters being animated in a cartoonish style, but my personal headcanon is that Cuphead has brown eyes that are less saturated to the point where they appear a dark shade of charcoal grey, and Mugman has light blue eyes. They both speak in a 1930’s New York Accent, whilst Ms. Chalice has warm brown eyes and speaks in a Brooklyn accent.

[reomikagekin]

greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bsd? (Also take your time, not rush at all. Life comes first.)

I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, death games, true crime, necromancy and anatomy. I typically consider myself a "gorehound". I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start taking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, and I’m brutally honest, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke or I didn’t mean it if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding physical social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( pierce the veil, deftones, system of a down, slipknot, rob zombie,,, sometimes the radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like adhd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

i match you up with...

dazai!!

(Reminder i do not takw any matchup requests after this!! Tho ill finish all my other asks.)

•he loves how short you are,he loves to tease you (but also feels the need to protect you)

•he loves your style! I feel he would also be interested analog horror (idk why-)

•when he first met you,he noticed how quiet you are,but tge more comfortable you are,the more saracstic you became and he loves that.

•Tho people find you rude,he loves to be around you

•if things ever get to much,or your just really uncomfortable,he will take you to a place more quiet.

•he also suffers withd depression and insomnia (i think he does suffer with insomnia-?) He will be there for your and he will help you with a way he can. You have an asthma attack he will get your breathing tube and give it to you(idk what its called-)

•he finds it ADORABLE when you cuddle up with plushies.

•he will most definitly get you fidget toys if you ever need them.

[rize-is-writing]

greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bsd?

I’m 19, I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, death games, true crime, necromancy and anatomy. I typically consider myself a "gorehound". I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start taking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding physical social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( pierce the veil, deftones, system of a down, slipknot, rob zombie,,, sometimes the radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive- and a bit of a pyromaniac. Someone more dominant would be ideal. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like adhd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

I found your match! Come to meet them, c'mon c'mon!

You hit the the jackpot.

Yosano as we all know has a love for the gruesome and gore, I'd totally agree that she would be enthusiastic about it with you, if her enthusiastic way is something you like of course. But I'm afraid she knows too well how it is the insides of human body, and is too happy to be able to...

As you want, she is a more "dominant" partner. I would say more assertive, the first to worry about your health in any situation and probably when out with you has already everything ready. As a doctor herself she understands the importance of health as foremost, and your care is important and not something to be "tolerated" as if it was a bother, simply to be supported and cared for in more critical moments.

(hope I am not romanticing ir though, the least I want to do is to make my readers uncomfortable. If I did, do not hesitate to call me out on it, and I willing edit this immediately!)

Definitely a bit fussy around your pyromaniac tendencies and your caffeine addiction, not really supportive on them- even though that might be hypocritical given how easy bottle is for her, and her little questionable hobbies to dissect her friends... I just hope bad arguments don't raise-

Anyway, Yosano as we know is quite the fashionable person so I think she would definitely make the most of your style for you, buying clothes and such (and have an excuse for you two to go out). Would find your love for plushes adorable so expect maybe some extra ones for your collection.

As for your general behavior around people, I don't think Yosano would be much of bothered by it, knowing her maybe sometimes will even back you up or laugh at some jokes (especially if about gruesome stuff) but if it goes too far will be the first to step in and talk to you. She is mature, and would be aware that you don't mean any harm in what you say, so in this case comunication is simply the key, as always.

[andreafmn]

Get to Know Me

Well, somehow I’m nearing 1K followers and I have no idea how!! Thank you to everyone who has followed me and enjoys my writing. When I published my first story I never thought I could get here.

I thought it was long overdue to do a little get-to-know-me tag so you guys can learn about who I am. Also, I am always in the search for new friends since I suck at making them. So, if you want to be mutuals, let me know!

1. Name

Andrea

2. Age

22

3. Big 3 Zodiac

Capricorn Sun, Leo Rising, Cancer Moon

4. What do most people not know about you?

I am audhd (autistic and ADHD), mixed with some generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, and severe depression. Oh, and I have IBD 😅

5. What do most people know you for?

Anything artsy and manual. From doing hair to makeup and nails, to painting and drawing, to singing or playing the clarinet, to party decor and cooking, to building stuff and carpentry.

6. Hobbies

Anything I can do with my hands.

7. What are your passions/special interests?

Makeup, reading, writing, music, human behavior

8. What do you search for in a significant other?

Stability, loyalty, faithfulness, understanding, provider, a best friend.

9. What are you most proud of?

Still being alive.

10. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?

Monday

11. What do you find attractive that others might find unusual?

Good eyebrows.

12. List 10 things off of your bucket list.

Finish and publish a book

Skydive

See all of 1D in concert (even if as solo artists; 1 down 3 to go (we no longer claim Liam))

Go to Germany

Travel through Europe

Get married

Host an amazing Christmas party

Act in something

Get on the New York's Bestseller list

Buy a house

13. What was the last thing you learned?

You shouldn't carry the responsibility of a one-sided relationship, even if the other person makes the falling out your fault.

14. How many relationships have you been in?

0, but a fair share of situationships and talking stages 😅

15. Favorite food

Pasta

16. Favorite drink

I always have three drinks on hand. So the top 3 are coffee, Coke, and either orange juice or water.

17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?

I've not received very memorable birthday gifts but I do love a huge Funko Oogie Boogie my sister got me.

18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?

Many would say pessimistic, but I’ve always been a realist.

19. Do you sleep during class?

Tried not to.

20. What is the most expensive thing you own?

My laptop, I think.

21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?

Tweezers.

22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?

Too many to count.

23. Text or call?

Text. I don’t even answer calls from my friends sometimes 😂

24. Opinion on long-distance?

It’s not for everyone. It requires a lot of work, communication, and trust, and certain people have love languages where long distance just doesn’t work.

25. In your group of friends, what role do you play?

Normally they call me the mom friend, but I like to think I'm more of like the grandma friend 😂

26. Favorite song?

At the moment, a tie between Matilda by Harry Styles and You Might Not Like Her by Maddie Zahm. But it changes with my mood and hyper fixations.

27. Favorite artist?

Too many to count. A few include: One Direction (together and as solo artists), Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Bad Bunny, Maneskin, Olivia Rodrigo, Conan Gray, Maddie Zahm, Billie Eilish, and so many more.

28. Celebrity crush/crushes?

I could be here for hours and I’d never run out of names.

29. When was the last time you read for fun?

Last night.

30. Favorite flower?

Peonies.

31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?

Money 😭

32. Any guilty pleasures?

Reality tv

33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?

The chemical imbalance in my brain.

34. What do you search for in a friend?

Understanding, sense of humor, open mindedness, extroverted enough to get me out of my comfort zone but can understand my limits as an introvert. Just an all-around good person.

35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?

A few times.

36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?

The movies.

37. Why do bad things happen to good people?

Karmic balance.

38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?

In terms of physical pain, obviously the eye. But emotionally, being left out hurts everywhere and for longer.

39. How many green shirts do you own?

Not many. Been trying to buy more clothes with color but somehow still gravitate toward black.

40. Do you like anime?

Kinda. I would like it a lot more if my sister hadn’t ruined anime for me 😂

41. What do you invest the most time in?

Writing, watching things I enjoy, (wallowing in self pity and drowning in existential dread), cooking.

42. What was the name of the last book you read?

She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen

43. What's one place you've traveled to that you never want to go back to?

New York City

44. Where are you most productive?

In a comfortable space with people that don’t drain my energy.

45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.

Go to the beach, play board/card games, just talk.

46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.

Watch stuff, anything artistic, cook.

47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?

Nope. Peace can’t exist without a little chaos.

48. Do you have any allergies?

I get some seasonal allergies and I am allergic to mites. An allergy test said I’m a little allergic to cats and dogs but I choose to ignore that.

49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?

Probably a few minutes ago, I cuss a lot.

50. What's the story behind one of your scars?

My biggest scar is on my forehead. Basically, it was the day of my parent's wedding anniversary, and my sister and I were being watched by my grandmother. We were on the couch watching Clifford the Big Red Dog when my 3-year-old self decided to go to our shared room and grab a purple comb a teacher had gifted my sister. I brought it out to the living room very excitedly and my sister got pissed, she was around six years old at the time. We lived in an apartment that was kind of open concept with a structure in the middle where the bathroom was that basically made the whole thing a circle. She got up from the couch and started chasing me through the circle. We went three rounds, and on the third one, I looked back for a second, and when I looked forward again I fell and hit my head on the edge of the wall on top of the baseboard. Basically, a lot of blood and panic, especially from my grandma. Apparently, at some point, I told her "Grandma, why are you crying if the blood is mine?" and "Why are you crying if I'm the one that got hit?" In the end, I got four stitches and it was the first time during the whole event that I felt pain because the topical anesthesia ran out with the blood that was pouring. Now I joke that my parents should have seen me breaking my head on their anniversary as a sign that their marriage was gonna end.

51. What was your last dream about?

An x-rated dream that featured one of my best friend’s sister 😬

52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?

My friend group and then pay extra for my sister.

53. How many countries have you visited?

Just the US, unfortunately.

54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)

I think I’d have to choose music, though I love everything artsy.

56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?

Yesterday.

56. What's your favorite book?

I've always said is the Hush Hush Saga, but recently I read Instructions for Dancing and I think that one is my favorite now.

57. Do you consider yourself mature?

At times.

58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?

I’d cry if I actually knew 😂

59. What is your favorite quote?

"Life is short, but also like terribly and insufferably long."

-Jenna Marbles

60. What issue will you always speak your mind about?

Basic human rights.

61. What languages do you speak?

Spanish and English.

62. Do you believe in the death penalty?

No.

63. What are your goals for life?

Never really had any. But I guess I’d like to possibly one day become an author.

64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?

Not being with me, that’s for sure.

65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.



66. What's one of your favorite comfort foods?

Fettuccine Alfredo

67. Do you have a job?

I had to leave my job due to mental health issues and haven’t had one since then. But gonna have to start looking even for a part time one to alleviate some money issues, but every job I’ve had has given me ptsd and with my disorders it’s very hard to find something that’s not triggering.

68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.

We met because her brother pointed out an anime girl’s big boobs on a series my sister was watching 😂

69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?

No more work!

70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?

Used to pull a lot for school, but I now only pull some when I’m hanging with friends.

71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?

I think it’s safe to say yes.

72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?

Wouldn’t know until I was actually presented with the situation.

73. Does money equal happiness?

It does help.

74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?

Not that many, honestly.

75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?

My whole life.

76. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?

I get asked a lot for relationship advice, even though I've never been in one.

77. When was the last time you looked at the news?

Last Friday.

78. What old-school skill set do you have?

Sewing(?)

79. What is your favorite color?

Red.

80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?

Absolutely.

81. What is your opinion on tattoos?

Love them! I personally need more.

82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?

Normally around 10-11 pm, sometimes I push it to 1-2 am, but most of the time I wake up every few hours so I don’t really get a full uninterrupted sleep.

83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?

NOOOO!!!!!

84. What is your favorite clothing store?

I don't really shop in stores because it is too overstimulating, but Hot Topic.

85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?

Beanies.

86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?

Wings, the ocean scares me.

87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?

Yes.

88. What's something that really happened to you but nobody would believe unless they were there?

My best friends and I were chased around a hotel by some creepy guys during one of their quinceañeras because another one said hi to one of the guys getting out of the elevator.

89. How many digits of pi can you recite?

3.1416, need the brain space for other useless info

90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?

2018

91. Describe yourself in one word.

Intuitive

92. When you want to escape from everyone, where do you go?

Inside my own head.

93. What question do you have that nobody has been able to give you a good answer to?

How does forgiving someone actually help you?

94. Where was your secret hiding place as a child?

Funny enough, in the closet.

95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?

Forget my past.

96. Have you ever broken a bone before?

Nope.

97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?

Love.

98. Coffee or tea?

Both.

99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?

Rest when I feel tired.

100. How many hours have you spent on Tumblr today?

Around two hours for now.

[kikyan]

greetings and salutations, I’ll be fr I got so excited for this event I waited until midnight where I am to send this in. I’m sorry for being terribly down bad lmao. may I please have a yan matchup for haikuu and obey me?

I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, true crime, necromancy, anatomy, etc. I typically consider myself a "gorehound" ig. I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start taking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, and I’m brutally honest, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke or I didn’t mean it if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding physical social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( pierce the veil, deftones, system of a down, slipknot, rob zombie,,, sometimes radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I also have this specific blanket I can literally not sleep without. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like adhd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG OMG, I LITERALLY MOVED AND I WAS SO BUSY I AM SO SORRY!! Don't worry, if you're down bad then we're both down bad LMAO. Okay, I will say this, throughout my very extensive research and careful planning, I shall give you the match and a runner-up! For Obey me, we have Belphagor being the main match, and Satan being the runner-up! For Haikyu we have Kuroo with Sugawara being a runner-up! Lemme explain,

Assuming my research did me justice, as an INFJ you're an introverted yet intuitive person. You're someone who has opinions and ideals, basing your life off of them. These ideals and opinions have guided you and are the main basis for making decisions. Combining this with your sign, Taurus, I think you're someone who has a set path influenced by their ideas, opinions, and personal vision. You don't stray far from the path and despite being introverted, you seek to uplift those around you (those you're very close with) in your own way. You're honest and you don't beat around the bush, very set in your way and stubborn. You probably enjoy having a stable and consistent schedule and work hard to achieve any and all achievements. While you may find life to have no greater meaning, that doesn't mean you don't find life interesting. I'm certain you have passions and things you do that make up for it. You're not doing anything to prove to someone, you're doing this for yourself. I'm not saying you're a defender of justice or anything, but I feel like you're not one to let shit slide. I think when it comes to strangers, you may not care for what they think but when it comes to close relationships, that might be when you start to feel anxious.

Belphagor understands this. I'm not sure if you're caught up with the anime but it did touch on some things regarding lesson 16. In the last episode of the first season, Belphagor noticed how everyone was on edge with him. Walking around eggshells and treating him differently because of what happened. He noticed but said nothing until his feelings got the better of him and lashed out. Whenever he needs time away, he goes to the attic despite that being the place Lucifer had him imprisoned. He has a close connection with Beel and if they ever have a fight, he strives to fix it ASAP! I think Belphie understands what it's like to hold back. To be afraid of admitting things because he doesn't want to make it any more awkward than it already is. He's the sin of sloth which has been dubbed the sin of laziness but in reality, it is the lack of ability to do what is needed to be done. I think goes well with personality because you do what needs to be done (in a sense). You both help each other, you motivate Belphie to do things and he motivates you to take a break. Belphie would never judge you for what you enjoy and take comfort in because he's the same. I think you're a match because you're so similar but also so different from each other. Belphie would enjoy and respect any and all traits, I think the best thing about it is that Belphie understands a social battery and if you ever want to be alone with him, he'll treasure that. As a yandere, he would try to isolate you and take up your time. There's no comfort out there but with someone who understands you with Belphie, he's your comfort. You say you like horror and gore so hopefully, this imagery makes sense but have you heard of the idea of wanting to be inside someone? Not like sexual but hugging someone and having your limbs entangled, the desire to be held more and further to the point you're like inside and protected by them? I'm not weird I promise but that's the way I see him loving you. He'll try to be that plushie and that blanket that you can't sleep without. If you're ever angry, take your anger out on him. You say you're submissive and masochistic and I think Belphie would exploit that as I see him being sadistic and switch leaning to a dominant lover. Your relationship gets dark quick.

Runner-up, Satan! With Satan, I see him understanding where you're coming from in terms of ideals. You have a schedule and stick to it, overall someone who is organized (maybe not organized like planning wise but someone who has a specific way of doing things). Not to mention, Satan would love your sarcastic humor. Maybe the two of you could team up and shit on Lucifer! Unlike Belphie where dark and obscure just is up his alley, Satan might have to cozy up to enjoy your aesthetic and interests. He would never shame you for it, no, but he's not used to it. It's more like you're just there at the start of it all. Satan is composed and usually takes a calmer approach to things, but when angered it's destructive. The type to also bottle up his feelings but at the same time I'm split between him also speaking up. He would understand when you have a hard time picking up social cues (dw I do too we're literally the same) and since he doesn't have a hard time with conversation, he'll lead the conversation and help you when you're confused, it's moving along too fast, etc. I see Satan being one of the people you confess your theories with and maybe even get into passionate conversations about topics that you both enjoy. As a yandere, Satan wastes no time in showing you that he's the dominant one. Pay no attention to my past obey me headcanons as I will redo them because I've been getting more and more into obey me! Yandere Satan would do all he can to make sure you understand that you're inferior to him. He's the one in control but feel free to struggle, he likes that.

Okay now with Haikyu! Kuroo is the main match and while I haven't written headcanons of him but trust I will bring justice to his character as well as Sugawara (who is the runner up). I see Kuroo being someone who is drawn to such a strong and upheld nature but can also pick up that you're not the best in social situations. I can sense Kuroo might see himself in you a bit because if my member serves right, Kenma admits that Kuroo was worse than him in terms of social anxiety. Kuroo just found a hobby that he enjoyed and opened up a bit. With that being said, Kuroo would be the yandere for you! He supports you and your hobbies 100%!! Kuroo isn't one to judge and while he may joke a bit he doesn't ever mean to harm. He'd enjoy exchanging jokes and making sarcastic remarks with you. He would also enjoy the way you dedicate yourself to your craft, I feel like Kuroo is one of those people that truly light up when others are happy as well, just the vibes I guess. While Kuroo works hard to achieve the results he wants, he also knows when to take a break. Which is a really good thing if you ever get frustrated and want to see something through to the end. He's the one who provides guidance but doesn't strive to be a mentor but rather a close friend who you could always count on. He's very patient and honestly, I think when it comes to mental health he's the character I'd trust the most. As a yandere, he's very observant of you. He's able to pick up on the things that appear hidden to others like when you fidget, your leg bounces, and maybe any other behaviors you exhibit. He's observant and very careful in his planning, I don't see Kuroo being a dominant lover but rather someone who wants 50/50. You both matter and have to work together to keep the relationship working and he doesn't fall short of it, even if he has to gaslight you into thinking everything is perfect.

Suga was a runner-up and apparently, you have the same MBTI! I was a bit skeptical on adding him because the same MBTI would obviously make sense because you're so similar but I like to think that you and Suga(while similar) are on slightly different sides of the spectrum. Like Kuroo, he's patient but he would take on the caretaker role. Unlike Kuroo who wants 50/50 (despite being manipulative), Sugawara would take on the responsibility. Supports your hobbies as long as you aren't in danger of course! He lets his feelings bottle up as well so try not to get too close to him when they explode because it may have disastrous results. I want to say that he would borderline infantilize you, and make you seem as if you need him. He may even use your mental issues against you because he gives me the vibes of wanting to fix people and mold them to his liking. I see him taking a genuine interest in you, finding you so unique, and despite sarcastic remarks, you're lively and just. The way you have your beliefs and resemble hope of some kind, he wants to preserve that.

Hopefully you enjoyed this match up and thanks again for your support!!

[dracones24]

greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bsd? nsfw parts are up to you, surprise me.

I’m 19, I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, death games, true crime, necromancy and anatomy. I typically consider myself a "gorehound". I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start taking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding physical social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( pierce the veil, deftones, system of a down, slipknot, rob zombie,,, sometimes the radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like adhd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

I pair you with.... Kouyou!

Kouyou is unbothered by gore or darker content, but she also isn't well versed in it, so you could spend a lot of time showing her things

Your music taste shes more hit or miss on, but she never minds you playing it and often looks up the lyrics

She is deeply endeared by your love of plushies, expect new ones gifted Regularly

Kouyou tends to keep her opinions under wraps, too, but with her gentle encouragement I could see you opening up

Being a dick isnt really a love language for Kouyou, but she has a thick skin, you're unlikely to ever hurt her feelings, and she seems to always know when you mean it and when you don't

Kouyou is reserved but passionate, unlikely to get on your nerves

Kouyou actually kinda likes how you can tear into someone, she likes that kind of strength in a partner

She would run a soothing hand along the nearest accessible place when you get fidgety, wanting to provide stimulation for you to hopefully settle you

Youre 4'11, shes like 5'7, so when she wants to she can use the height gap to seem more dominant, but mostly its easy not to notice, shes not the sort to joke about your height much

Kouyou also is great about your pronouns and she keeps careful track of which gendered terms you are or are not comfortable with, shes also zero tolerance for anyone else misgendering you Ever

She is the sort to scoop you up and carry you though

Shes a gift giver, expect thoughtful presents Always, from luxurious clothes to stuffies to fancy coffee related things to records

She likes to read anything you write, shes got amazing grammar if you ever wanted a beta

Dont tell her you're a pyromaniac, she Is in the mafia and Would take you to watch arson from a safe distance like its a date

Kouyou may not be a chatterbox, but she has alright social skills, and she makes up for your more standoffish nature

She is also quite touch starved, and roves her hands over you whenever youre alone, her PDA is more chaste, never exceeding hand holding or a kiss to the cheek, but alone? Her hands are always trailing over you

She has zero qualms about playing the dominant role, though for special occassions she'd switch things up

Kouyou loves to be eaten out, if thats something you came to enjoy, she'd gladly slip you under a desk or play with your hair and praise you while she sits on your face

She also isnt put off by your masochism, in fact she'd make good use of it. Expect claw marks from her nails. She never is Too rough on you because she hates to see you truly Hurt, but she definitely isnt put off by some rough play

If youre into wax, I think that would be a favorite for her, its a lot of intense senations without her needing to worry about harming you as much as she might with heavier impact play or something

Wanna be stepped on? Shes got you covered there too

She can also be really gentle though, making love to every inch of you diligently, spoiling you with lingerie or your preferred form of empowering clothing, its almost worshipful the way she kneads her fingers into sore muscles and kisses along the way

[keefwho]

September 02 - 2023 Saturday

6:50 PM

This morning was going well, I just stuck with the first thing I thought of until I got bored. But I fell into my old habit of not knowing what to do. I also started to get pretty lonely but didn't know where to turn for that. I still kinda am but I am hanging out in the TDS server mostly because I have nowhere else to go. I'm a social refugee. I hope tonight improves.

7:10 PM

I'm just a sad, bored person. Doing the same shit over and over that makes me upset. Maybe I need to crack down on those exercises I said I was going to do. I have been halfassing them after I said I was going to go hard so I could finally start making some progress again.

I am soul-crushingly lonely tonight. I hate myself for it because it's all my fault. There are people I could hang out with or things that I could do to hold me over if only I could actually focus on any of it. But Im always so sucked in my own thoughts feeling dreadful about everything.

Im having the thought that

Tonight sucks, I'll be lonely until bedtime. I'm just a sad person who can't possibly pick myself up and have fun. I'm stuck where I am, bored and alone. This is all I will ever be. Tomorrow I'll either feel guilty about not going to town to get my own groceries or I'll go and realize how much it sucks and how hard life is and how it never ends. I hate weekends, I hate them so much. By default they are becoming horrible days no matter what. I'm so sad that I let it get like this. Why can't they just be fun anymore.

If I could just get some perspective on myself. Instead of doing something, literally ANYTHING, I'm stuck wallowing and going ADHD on Twitter, Youtube, or Twitch. I could pick literally anything to do and it would be better than what I'm doing. There is no wrong choice in that regard.

9:00 PM

I hate myself today and have chosen to succumb to depression. I just can't try tonight, I'll sulk and dread and do nothing all I want. I hate everything, myself the most.

Maybe I'll watch Fionna and Cake like I've been wanting to but I wanted to watch it with someone. But no one seems interested so maybe it'll just be a me thing.

I was also gonna drink 4 drinks tonight like usual but I might only stick to 3 since tonight sucks and I have to go somewhere tomorrow morning. I could have 3 tomorrow too then.

9:20 PM

I'm doing this stupid self destruction shit where I put my Discord on DnD and closed it so I don't know if anyone messages me for awhile thinking it'll help. But I know I'll open it back up eventually and find that nobody messaged me and I'll feel 1000 times shittier. Or someone will and I'll regret having muted it. There is no winning.

10:04 PM

I hate being alone, I don't want to watch Fionna and Cake on my own. But here I am.

Who would have thought this show would remind me how detached from everything and everyone I feel. My heart is empty and closed off, thats why I am alone. I have nothing inside of me /

10:56 PM

I'm tired of being alive living as this failure. I just want to stop

I let myself down and everyone around me today. I know what I'm doing. How I'm acting only serves to damage myself and the people around me. I just don't know how to stop it sometimes so the best thing I can think of is to not act at all.

[sandman-vo]

I think I’ve hit a point in my life where I’m able to put a lot of the fucked up shit that’s been going on from 2015-2022 behind me.

And since that’s a long stretch of time til now, I should mention the “fucked up” has varying degrees:

Can’t get employed after college? Fucked up

Some friends turned out to be kinda shitty? Fucked up

The fun and unique culture of the city you like is slowly dying because tech and real estate bros like to gentrify and ruin everything they touch? Fucked up

Worldwide pandemic and finding out the US has always had a fascism problem. And the best you can really do is just buck up and survive this shit? Fucked up

Your State continues to decide to do jack and shit about any of their problems concerning electricity and water and you have had 2-3 winters where you had to go 4-5 DAYS without either water or power? Fucked up (fuck February in Austin)

Existential dread paired with depression, aging to my 30s with seemingly nothing much to show for it, being broke AF while your rent was suddenly raised by 50%, realizing you probably had ADHD this whole goddamn time, and thinking every part of you is broken in some way? Fucked up

Things that are more fucked up than that that I’d still rather keep to myself than write about here? Fucked up

You finish a day at work and go straight to Home Depot to cut through 80 feet worth of 1 1/2” pvc piping into 2 and 2.5 feet segments with a hand saw to finish building your new vocal booth that you have been waiting and planning for months to make, and there’s no heckin way you’re going to cook dinner after doing all that so you go pick up some Wendy’s on the way back. And you said no mayonnaise on your double cheeseburger to the guy at the speaker TWICE and they kept you waiting at the drive through for 15 minutes just for them to finally figure out that what that really meant was to SLATHER THAT SHIT ALL OVER IT, but at the same time you understand and support the concept of acting your wage and goddamn do fast food workers get paid dogshit so you don’t think it’s all that productive to file a complaint? Fucked up

But anyways, I’m gradually making it to the other side of these things.

I’m in a place where rent isn’t trying to starve me. I’m saving LOTS of money after paychecks. I’m at least in a career-adjacent job even though I’m not mega thrilled about it (could be worse, could be fucking up someone’s goddamn double cheeseburger). I’m definitely getting together a “bucket list” for Austin while I’m still in the mindset that I’ll try to give this place at least 1 or 2 more good years before I think it will be a good time to try and move elsewhere. I’m taking shit tons of classes to refine my skills, now that I have both time and money to do so. I’m genuinely building so much better of a foundation than I had 6 years ago, which I will use as a jumping off point and give my my work from home freelance careers in Voice Acting and Video Editing new leases on life. And I recently discovered yoga nidra in a class and while it’s no cure for ADHD it’s a treatment for sure!

One of the big takeaways that I’m keeping in mind lately (thanks to the yoga) is this:

“I am whole. I’m living a full life. And while it’s not how I wanted things to be, and while there’s some fucked up shit, and while it looks nothing like how a typical life would go, none of that shit makes me a lesser/broken/incomplete person.”

This was not a part of the class. This wasn’t taught. This is just what I ended up finding after I tried to figure out the deep seeded beliefs where all of my issues stemmed from. This realization has brought such a stillness to me in the past 48 hours that I can barely describe how I feel right now. But it feels good. There are only a few other places where I could have felt this, and coincidentally, it was not during the fucked up dark timeline that was my 2015-2022.

[fancywordology]

VENT: Millennials and Gen Z Need to Stop Being So “Introverted”, Especially Americans

The one thing I dislike about Millennials and Gen Z is that they act like they’re so damn shy like everyone is gonna hurt them or whatever😑 Especially the adults. You’re an ADULT now. You can overcome.

You can deal with people and you should. I can’t even have a fun dinner or cocktail party because you Millennials “hate people” even though a party will have my friends who are truly good people who I painstakingly choose. You have to work with people and people can be fun if you would just stop being so into yourself and your mental problems and your “introvertedness”. We all have mental problems. How are an entire two generations TRUE “introverts”? The internet isn’t an excuse. We are hard wired to need other people to survive, being a hermit isn’t normal. “Oh but I’m an introvert. I need my safe space. I hate people.” That isn’t normal. Get help where you can

I just passed a Gen Z adult in a hallway and she wouldn’t even move until I was right up on her and said “excuse me” and she move *six inches* for me to SQUEEZE by and she didn’t even look at me besides a quick eye glance. Even in Japan someone would be more accommodating and they usually hardly interact with strangers! Jfc

I’m an ambivert with ADHD, PMDD, depression, anxiety, been betrayed by several friends, have been in several bad relationships, have had bad family experiences, have been harassed, bullied, have chronic fatigue syndrome, have been sexually assaulted and harassed, have been careerless for nearly a decade, had professors treat me poorly in university, etc. so I get it! I’ve been there, but life is fun when you share it with many others.

I just am sick and tired of my own damn generation being so boring and defensive and being bad friends all the time! I look at my parents having fun mature parties with friends all these decades only wishing I could do that, but I can’t. I see them going on group outings and trips with friends and I can’t do that either. I also want to make better friends but no one wants that because they’re all too defensive about their “private lives”. Millennials are so damn flaky and boring and self-centered (as in they think a lot about themselves and what’s going on with themselves) and I’m getting so so tired of it.

Young Gen X still has kids, so they’re not easy to hang out with and anyone older than that is like my parents’ age which, rn is still weird to me tbh…

Millennials are also so flaky too. If you don’t keep them on the line, they just go away or they tell you they’re just too tired or busy or whatever. They make poor friends because they’re not there when you need actual help with something because it’s “too much” for their fragile being with their “mental problems” or they can’t trust people because they’re “jaded”.

Like jfc it’s a CYCLE. If you are an introverted selfish person, that’s the kind of people you’ll be around too because they learned it from those around them. If you learn to be better, then people end up becoming better.

Just. Please. Grow. Up. Get. Help. Be. A. Real. Friend. Be. Better.

Do you realize you’re BLOCKING out people who can UNDERSTAND YOU?

Inb4 all the excuses of mental health or being betrayed all the time or being jaded or being really and truly introverted.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

301 of 2023

Anorexia You hate your body. You have starved yourself. You have low self esteem. You use laxatives. You need to be skinnier People always say you’re skinny, but you think fat. People think you are way too skinny. You skip at least one meal a day. You limit your calories or check them constantly by compulsion. Total: 8

ADHD You are hyper most of the time You barely pay attention to anything You cannot cooperate with people well You seem to never sit still You talk all the time You need attention 24/7 You aren’t very shy Total: 2.5 Total So Far: 10.5

Bipolar Disorder You can act wild at times then the next you are severely depressed You are very irritable You barely get any or no sleep You have very high self esteem at times You have used or abused alcohol, drugs, or sex You have thought of/attempted suicide. You have the worst mood swings of anyone you know Total: 3 Total So Far: 13.5

Bulimia Nervosa You’ve thrown up all your food at one time You thrown it up even when you don’t feel sick You have little control over how you eat You use laxatives You eat fast. You have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out People think you are way too skinny Total: 2 Total So Far: 15.5

Conduct Disorder You are a bully You threaten other people You often find yourself in fights You have used a weapon that could cause injury to others You are cruel to humans and/or animals You have raped/molested someone You destroy property on purpose You always lie You’ve stayed out all night You have attempted to run away from home Total: 1 Total So Far: 16.5

Depression You are always, or normally, feel sad. You always, or normally, are crying You find no hope in your future. You no find longer excitement over the activities you used to love You always find yourself around the house or in bed all day You are anti-social. You have low self esteem Everything bad that happens is always your fault Hope is no longer there for you. Total: 2 Total So Far: 18.5

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder You have disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate You have to do a certain thing until it feels right You have to keep things in a certain order You have harmed yourself You are afraid you will get an STD, or AIDS You have to check some stuff over again Total: 5 Total So Far: 23.5

Schizophrenia / Anxiety (how on earth are these put together??) You often have hallucinations or sudden memories you can’t escape. You can be confused about reality and fantasy You think people are always staring or talking about you You have an extreme anxiety or fearfulness You have difficulty with relationships with family, friends, and opposite/same sex You do not take care of your hygiene as much as others say you should You are very shy You often talk to yourself Total: 2 Total So Far: 25.5

Darkness You listen to songs with dark meanings You are influenced by dark media and tones You are a goth by Urban Dictionary definition (come on, UD  is bullshit :D) You often plot crimes in your head for fun! You are not to be trusted with a weapon Your favorite color is black You prefer evil over good in movies. You are most often alone You prefer to be cold rather than warm Next to Black, your favorite color is a dark shaded color War fascinates you You like violence and gore You are rebellious Total: 3 Final score: 28.5

0-5: You’re very normal. 6-15: You’re fine. 16-20: You might be okay. 21-30: You have problems. 31-35: You have really bad problems. You might need to see a therapist.

[rowanwilden]

laying it all out there

i’ve been struggling the last few weeks with some kind of identity crisis, wherein i’ve come to realise multiple things about myself around the same time and i am at once struggling to accept them and suffocating and dying because i am not accepting or expressing them. and this is on top of other stuff that has been going on in my life. so it’s difficult to talk about because it’s a lot, and i have difficulties talking anyway, so i will try to go through it all here, or as much as i am comfortable going through:

so i’m trans and non binary, suspect i have autism and adhd, am gay and ace. i think that’s all lol. i knew i was non binary, thought i was bisexual, or used to be. well maybe not bisexual, maybe just biromantic. knew i was on the asexual spectrum, didn’t entirely realise to what extent. 

i’ve started working with someone who is and an ally of the lgbtqia community and it’s a lot easier working with him than with other colleagues. he is also acquainted with neurodivergent people and has his own mental health challenges so he doesn’t have a problem with me as far as i can tell. 

i am in management and i have this pressure to act normal and sort of authoritative and like i like my job or at least want to work and i don’t, i get misgendered a lot by the one colleague and don’t feel comfortable asking to not be called the way he calls me, even though i could do so without coming out, because it’s too close to coming out for comfort. 

i don’t know what else to say. i’ve been feeling really depressed lately. i have issues at home such that i don’t really feel safe like i used to and being introverted and neurodivergent, i really need time alone and my home was my safe place, i don’t really feel like i can entirely relax anymore and i struggle to relax anyway because of complex trauma issues. 

i can’t afford to move house because rent is expensive where i live and i do not make living wage for where i work. i am very worried that i will burn out and/or not be able to leave my job to do something i enjoy instead because of the hours i have to work just to be able to live somewhat comfortably and eat and get to and from work. i have only just been able to afford to buy enough food to eat and to buy clothes (I don’t have many clothes and most of them are too big on me now as i lost weight after going back to work after one of the lockdowns and never put it back on) as i was promoted recently. 

i feel like i don’t feel alive unless i’m creating something and my job for the most part does not require my creativity. i’m incredibly bored at work and i find the noise of customers, commuters, the radio, it’s all very stressful to me. the lights are really bright and so are the colours of the products and the promotional materials. and you’re expected to talk to people and i can’t, sometimes my own voice is too much noise for me. and i can’t say what i feel or what i think or what i’m actually going through because it stresses people out. people don’t want to be sold to, i don’t care about the products i’m supposed to be pushing. some of them are of poor quality, i get tired of telling customers to not buy them, i just give them the receipt and half the time they’ll return for a refund. i tell the buyers, this thing you’re buying doesn’t work, they essentially say we know, we don’t care. 

i am thinking of - well for this blog anyway, i am thinking of using the name rohan vanya (pronounced *insert IPA translation*, rhymes with “flow ’n’ fun yuh”) and - i write music, i feel like i have to throw away what i was working on and start again because it’s in the wrong genre, i feel like … i am not concerned about gender euphoria/dysphoria with my singing voice in a way i haven’t thought about before, as well as with my speaking voice. i always feel really down and out of sorts if i feel like my creative work is not moving like i want it to, it’s basically all i care about in the world. 

i’ve been wondering about going to therapy (again) but feel reluctant because i guess i initially just wanted an adhd assessment but then i come to realise i have all of these other issues, and i guess i don’t feel like being in a therapeutic relationship again. i feel like though it was helpful in some ways, my main takeaway from it was that therapists are humans, they aren’t necessarily “fully therapised”, they aren’t necessarily as devoted to their own healing as you are to yours, they are never an authority on your life or your experience, they have their own biases and they can never know you like you know you, no matter how open you are with them. so i sort of feel i’d rather just write and make art about what’s going and make that my therapy, except that i come up to this point of am i just living to heal myself? for what? because do i feel better than i felt five or ten years ago? my life is better in some ways but do i feel better? 

and i think of times when i’ve felt happy, when i was practising gratitude and positive thinking and i think about how that had me ignoring things that i now realise were problems at that time. i have never really managed to find a balance between being positive and being honest and i don’t know what that would even look like. 

i have lost two people who were extremely important to me in the space of a few months of each other and they were keeping me alive while they were around and now i really… i’ve been grieving the one person for a long time, the other one, i really don’t know how to process that at all. 

so i’m kind of stuck here in this life i don’t like with not really very much reason to live. but i have the internet and i mean that’s how i’ve come to realise these things about myself, people talking about their experiences. 

i think i always try to be the uplifting person - maybe not always, but often times and i guess i don’t feel like uplifting anyone and i don’t know how to … i used to journal a lot and i wonder if that was at least as helpful if not more helpful than therapy in a lot of cases, but i kind of fell out of the habit over the last couple of years since i’ve been feeling mostly fine until very recently. so i’ve been journalling a lot more deliberately privately as well as starting this blog, which i’d been meaning to do for a long time, i just didn’t know what to say. 

it’s actually a relief to have somewhere that i don’t have to pretend i am okay.