#bc the last thing i want is to be misconstrued. he can want to be known by others while being an asshole

[apollos-boyfriend]

hey icarus can you tell me more about cpurpled. can you tell me your favorite hcs and what do you think being a part of las nevadas was like for him and rb your favorite purpled fanarts. smiles /gen /nf /i hope the people annoying you explode

WELL since u asked i have no other option do i ^_^

i've been thinking a lot about this recently bc in the past i've said that i think he + the tiredtwt crew are from hypixel itself, with hypixel being like an alien planet to fit with him being an alien, but the more i think about it the less sense it makes. for me, hypixel is more like one of those fun centers that offers a Bunch of different activities. like i have one in my hometown that has a bowling alley + arcade + escape rooms + go karting + jungle gyms + a bunch of other shit. that's hypixel to me, but on a Much Bigger scale. having anyone Originate from it is a bit silly when you think about it as one of those. it makes even less sense when you consider that like, canonically, cboomer is from a Completely Different Dimension. so what i've decided is that yes, he Is from an alien planet, but not someplace that connects to a real-life server, yknow? it also gives me more flexibility to worldbuild his planet's culture and stuff since i don't have to be tied down to hypixel customs.

a slight tiredtwt-related detour BUT it is important to me to lay this out. purpled and astelic are from the same planet but didn't meet until hypixel. hannah and boomer are from the same dimension which is somewhat akin to the feywilds from dnd. originally all of them just came to hypixel to play together and would have to eventually split to return to their own servers/origins until they were like "what if we just had our own server so we didn't have to keep splitting up every night" and thus tiredsmp was born. a lot of them still lived with their parents at that point so it was also a nice opportunity for them to gain more independence and be able to venture out on their own journeys.

for las nevadas..... that is a whole Rant on its own for me to fully go into it so i will save all of it for another night as i have things to do. however. i think, to him, it was a very mechanical process. wake up, keep up the facade, scheme in the shadows, go to bed, repeat. i don't think he really thought about much other than the Necessities, ie mostly revenge. it is always really difficult for me to talk about cpurpled because the way he approaches things is very... uninteresting? he does what he needs to do, or at least what he feels like he needs to do. there's not a lot of personal feelings or retrospection when it comes to him. so talking about how HE felt in those moments is difficult because what he felt was often nothing really, outside of spite, greed, and a need to win. don't get me wrong! i think las nevadas was a super isolating and horrible era filled with nothing but self-sabotage and an unreachable goal he never even wanted in the first place. but i don't think HE realized that, you know? i don't think a lot of people realize that the persona he puts forth Is a sort of mask, yes, but not in the way they think. there are some things he's aware of doing, like pretending to be nice to the las nevadas residents to earn their trust, but a lot of it Is who he honestly thinks he is. i see a lot of people write him as putting on this mask of a brave, uncaring mercenary to hide how scared he is of all the shit going on around him and no!! he IS just an apathetic asshole!! the mask at play is how he earnestly believes the way for him to make a legacy is to have power, and that power is what he craves, when it's obvious all he wants is for people to Know him. he wants bonds!! the people who do pick up on this also tend to take it a different route of him actually being soft underneath the tough exterior, but that's also not it!! he wants to build relationships and a legacy, but wanting that doesn't and shouldn't erase the fact that he's super apathetic and materialistic and an asshole. bc that's just how he is!!! both can coexist!!!! and they do!!!!

[mamimiou]

hi this is re: roier but too long for a reply !

ive been out of qsmp for awhile and don't pay attention anymore but i wanna just like . place this quietly into the conversation lmfao... when i was watching and seeing things fans posted, i noticed roier is routinely feminized (a combo of misogyny/homophobia + racism) he's placed as "the woman" in the spiderbit relationship constantly in fan art etc. roier as a person irl isn't particularly feminine, but bc he's expressive and openly queer and not white, he's placed as Less Than and under more scrutiny constantly . there's a lot of complex things happening but the usamerican portion of the qsmp world does a lot of heavy lifting in misconstruing roier's character (too flirty, bad parent, too cruel, too harsh, slutty, the wife, whatever else he's gotten that i haven't seen) . so. if he's the woman of the relationship, and Women Belong To Their Husbands, well. they couldn't possibly see roier with anyone else, and it's his fault if others make advances. it's very strange to witness

I feel like I have just received a new point of view right now, and it has blown my mind away to the point where I need this plastered over Twitter (which won’t happen since it is HELL out there).

I have never thought of it this way because I never saw him like that but you are so right now that I put more thought into it ;-;. They really do see him as the woman of the relationship, and I’m pretty sure that it’s something subconscious for all of them (but not all).

Thank you so much for this, really. To me, this makes the most sense for this possessive behavior. Idk if you have read the comments in my last post but someone tweeted out this when talking about why they can’t see roier with someone else “SAME HERE but I have a theory! You know how you ship the character you relate to with the caracter you're attracted to? We probably relate to Cellbit so we ship him with everyone we like, and we're jealous of "our" partner being with others.... just a theory!” And to me that was already something, but this, this is something that I can totally see behind the reason for it all.

The amount of times that I had to read people blaming him for people flirting with him, just even receiving compliments really, but had to witness those same people laugh and make jokes about slime ACTIVELY going after cellbit, is insane.

I totally agree with you btw. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. As someone who watches him constantly I can agree with you, his character is actively feminine. It just stinks having your favorite character being seen like this, it makes me so upset sometimes I just want him to be FREE lol. I don’t think that people stop drawing him in this small, feminine way, until like purgatory maybe? Because well, he’s a strong character.

Everyone knows how flirty he is, but it was expected to go away as soon as he got married. And he never means harm :/ it’s just the way he is. It is very strange to watch people get possessive over him, and I feel like this will ultimately lead to the ship ending. Heartbreaking. If people actually knew his character, they’d know he hates betrayal so it makes no sense for them to get tilted over ships.

Sometimes you just want to have honest conversations about the characters, and Twitter isn’t the place because then they accuse you of hating the CCs which isn’t the case ☹️.

But wow, this explanation could actually be the reason behind it. Thank you for this, it like opened my third eye or something. I need this plastered on a build board for all to see.

[golbrocklovely]

someone posted part of the live k did and i actually thought she seemed nice😭 like what people were saying she did vs the actual video was so different. i don’t think she was shading anyone tbh

and it’s nice for once that no one is playing coy. they just simply are existing, might be together, and are having fun while doing so! i might be speaking too soon but she genuinely does seem like a nice girl and i’m happy for sam. he deserves to have fun despite having been through a public breakup last year.

thank you for being one of the only anons i've gotten that hasn't been hateful towards these girls lol

that's the main issue i've been having with this fandom. they genuinely hate these girls for no reason. these girls have done nothing to prove that they are bad influences or shitty ppl at all. but tons of ppl in the fandom feels the need to hate them with a fiery passion.

i don't get it whatsoever.

and i am SO GLAD someone recorded her livestream, genuinely. bc so many fans misconstrued what she said and made it sound like a mean girl thing, when in reality it was just a weird, flat joke at best that also had NOTHING to do with kat. like i was literally told by anons (who most likely heard it from twitter) that her friend said the joke of her being a singer, k denied it, and then she followed it up with "but you know who is" and they laughed.

that didn't happen, at all. ppl are straight up LYING at this point just so they can be right about the girls being bad.

and look, if the girls do something shitty in the future, then by all means stand your ground and hate them if that's what you want to do. but stop jumping the gun at every chance you get to dislike them. at this point it just sounds like you're jealous (not you particularly, anon. just the general fandom et large).

[dearweirdme]

“I'm still holding out hope that's it's all pr, but if it's not, then I'm just upset at the FS. I just wish kpop would stop doing it with how homophobic they are”

you didn’t comment on this part of anons ask so i’m not sure how you feel about it but i just wanted to give my opinion bc this ask rubbed me the wrong way.

to start because i don’t want to get misconstrued, kpop definitely does do fan service and baiting (i’m not saying queer baiting because real ppl cannot queer bait). and while imo it’s up to the fan to realize they’re being baited (not in every situation bc some ppl are good at manipulation)- especially in todays climate - and fan service isn’t always bad as long as the idols aren’t intentionally trying to trick you into thinking they’re together, it’s still definitely annoying and irritating because so many of these straight idols end up being homophobic but are participating in fan service and baiting. and of course the companies and kpop world root for baiting and fanservice but then turn around and be homophobic and not even allow idols to come out. a lot of korea in general too of course. then you have the straight fans who love the idea of their idols being gay for each other but then are homophobic and unsupportive of gay ppl irl.

so yes i definitely agree with the last sentence of anons message BUT calling taekook fanservice/baiting just rubbed me the wrong way. now don’t get me wrong i’m not saying they aren’t together but in this case let’s just hypothetically assume taennie gets confirmed tomorrow and taekook ends up not being real, that does not mean taekook was all fanservice/baiting and they’re bad for doing it. if we’re simply looking at it from a taekook isn’t real perspective (bc i know most here believes they are but just for this hypothetical in response to what anon was saying. i know i’m repeating myself a lot but i just want to make sure you get I’m not actually denying taekook) taekook have never done anything to suggest they’re together. looking at tae’s support of lgbt+ artists and hints that you take as him confirming he is or hints or videos you take as confirming taekook is real are simply how you took things in your own perspective. they’ve never done explicit baiting or fan service. they’re close and showing how close they are isn’t wrong and they aren’t at fault for what fans assume. it’s also not like taehyung has not said to “get out of your imagination” before - you cant say they tricked you purposely. what i’m trying to say is if taekook ends up being fake it is not the fault of taekook you assumed they were. yes idols often do stuff like that but taekook never have.

i hope anon and you get what i mean !!

Hi anon!

Thank you for your input. I don't think I'll agree on everything you've said, but let me cut up your ask in smaller sections a bit to discuss. I'm probably going to rant a little.

you didn’t comment on this part of anons ask so i’m not sure how you feel about it but i just wanted to give my opinion bc this ask rubbed me the wrong way.

Yeah, I try not to invalidate anyone's feelings. If someone's upset they can't really help it, even if the reason behind it might be based on bias/misinformation/whatever. I try to ease peoples mind by explaining pr-tactics, bodylanguage etc... more tangible stuff. And it's very complicated matter. There's fanservice, skinship, real connections... all those are mixed together and all of them can co-exist. I was confused about the differences between those at first as well. South Korea being very different from my own culture made this really hard to disect. So I understand why fans are confused about this. Especially with SK being homophobic and shipping between members being... normal. A lot of Kpop's standards are weird to me (being from Europe). I have a big problem with the constant mentions of dieting for instance. Young girls are so impressive and having your idols mention being on a diet so often seems wrong to me. The obvious homophobia is a big NONO. Idols not being able to date in general.... not great although maybe it does at first give them more privacy, but the backlash they get when they do get caught dating, wow! So yeah, not everything is great imo. I am very much aware though that cultures differ, and things that are weird to me are normal to them (the enlisting for instance, I've seen many fans angry at the SK govenment for having idols enlist... and it is very sad.... but then again, most of us do not live in a country that is always in a tense situation with their neighboring country, so we don't know what that feels like). I think SK is slowly catching up, but change takes time... and for a whole culture to change even more time.

to start because i don’t want to get misconstrued, kpop definitely does do fan service and baiting (i’m not saying queer baiting because real ppl cannot queer bait). and while imo it’s up to the fan to realize they’re being baited (not in every situation bc some ppl are good at manipulation)- especially in todays climate - and fan service isn’t always bad as long as the idols aren’t intentionally trying to trick you into thinking they’re together, it’s still definitely annoying and irritating because so many of these straight idols end up being homophobic but are participating in fan service and baiting. and of course the companies and kpop world root for baiting and fanservice but then turn around and be homophobic and not even allow idols to come out. a lot of korea in general too of course. then you have the straight fans who love the idea of their idols being gay for each other but then are homophobic and unsupportive of gay ppl irl.

There being fanservice in Kpop is not debatable. There is, plain and simple. I feel anyone who has been a fan for an extended time is aware of this. I feel most of army who aren't in an actual shipping part of fandom are real quick to point to every single act of intimacy as fanservice. The way I see it is that they make use of fanservice and skinship a lot to justify physical interactions between members. The over the top grand moments are fan service and the more subtle moments they are able to classify as skinship (which is way more normal in SK than in my country for instance). Fanservice isn't bad. Most bands and artists do fanservice, some just do it more naturally than others. Fans should know that not everything an artist does is his/her/their natural behavior... not everything is spontaneous. Artists go through media training and probably also through training to make them appeal to fans more. I use Jk's flirting in lives as an example of learned behavior, because to me those flirty comments (although hilarious) seem prepared/learned. I do think for younger fans this is hard to understand at first though. You don't want to think of your idol as someone who 'tricks' you with their learned pr-behavior. You want to feel connected on a personal level, so you ignore the business side of things. It's happening now too. I'm calling out certain pr-tactics (which is normal for any artist) and yet I get hate for it. Artists always (!) come with a portion of business, they aren't able to do what they do without it. I’m not sure fanservice is supposed to look ‘queer’, I often feel the intent initially (in kpop) was to make it look obvious that it’s fanservice, but some artists just have such great chemistry that it’s easy for fans to start believing it. And once that seed has been planted, it’s hard to get rid of. But having a ‘ship’ alive and thriving isn’t actually bad for business, so labels probably don’t mind much (and might even encourage). It keeps the ships alive, but there will always be enough of army to immediately call "Fanservice" to 'defend' their artists.

so yes i definitely agree with the last sentence of anons message BUT calling taekook fanservice/baiting just rubbed me the wrong way. now don’t get me wrong i’m not saying they aren’t together but in this case let’s just hypothetically assume taennie gets confirmed tomorrow and taekook ends up not being real, that does not mean taekook was all fanservice/baiting and they’re bad for doing it. if we’re simply looking at it from a taekook isn’t real perspective (bc i know most here believes they are but just for this hypothetical in response to what anon was saying. i know i’m repeating myself a lot but i just want to make sure you get I’m not actually denying taekook) taekook have never done anything to suggest they’re together. looking at tae’s support of lgbt+ artists and hints that you take as him confirming he is or hints or videos you take as confirming taekook is real are simply how you took things in your own perspective.

I think you are trying to say that Tae and Jk have never done anything to blatantly state that they are together. They have not been obvious about it, so us interpreting situations would have been us interpreting things wronly and therefore we are to blame for misunderstanding (did I understand you correctly). I do agree that they haven't intentionally been obvious about it. I feel very strongly that they do not intent to out themselves and that they even try to protect their relationship from being outed. There have been many moments that I feel their feelings were obvious, but we weren't supposed to pick up on those. In general, because at times they might have felt a bit more bolder, I think they want us to think they are really close friends. I do also feel though, that Tae and Jk have done fanservice (so maybe we disagree on this a bit). I think things can be both. Jk sitting on Tae's lap during the Las Vegas show to me was both fanservice and them wanting to. It’s like getting to do a part of your job that you really really enjoy. From a business perspective it would also be weird to never have Taekook do fanservice together, because they are obviously close, they are in the top physically affectionate members, and all members do fanservice on occasion. I think these things can co-exist. I feel fanservice comes so easy for Tae and Jk though, they just melt into each other. The way their bodies operate around each other is so lovely to see. Can we be mad about them doing fanservice? No, it's part of their jobs. Can we be mad at fanservice in general? Honestly, it would make fandoms lives so much easier if they were to tone that down a lot. Because it is confusing and it makes fandoms argue amongst themselves. Labels make use of that, because an argueing fandam means it’s very much alive.

they’ve never done explicit baiting or fan service.

I agree on the baiting, disagree on the fanservice. Fanservice is part of the job though, while baiting I would classify to a more personal level.

they’re close and showing how close they are isn’t wrong and they aren’t at fault for what fans assume. it’s also not like taehyung has not said to “get out of your imagination” before - you cant say they tricked you purposely. what i’m trying to say is if taekook ends up being fake it is not the fault of taekook you assumed they were. yes idols often do stuff like that but taekook never have.

Absolutely, they should definitely be able to express their closeness how they want. It's wrong to assume intimate behavior between men can't be romantic, but it's also wrong to assume intimate behavior between two men automatically makes them queer. My believe in Taekook stems from all things combined, the frequency of intimate behavoir, the body language, patterns in behavior, clues about queerness, the way I feel they were being hidden.

I don't know if my answer is satisfying, or comprehensable even... it's difficult matter and I feel I’ve just been babbling here 🙈.

[whovianwholikesgirls]

Top 5 REM songs

Top 5 Stranger Things moments (in the show, not your au 😂)

Top 5 Lyrics (ok I know this is cruel so you can just pick 5 you like rn)

Top 5 Favorite Things About Yourself 😘

Top Five REM Songs:

Fuck they’re mostly going to be from murmur aren’t they? Yep!!!

Perfect Circle

Moral Kiosk (for the riff and the hook honestly)

Laughing

Try not to breathe

Turn you inside out

Top 5 ST moments:

Dustin and Suzie’s never ending story moment. Easily my favorite scene

When Joyce is comforting El in s1 while she’s in the sensory deprivation tank? Rip my heart out of my fucking chest and my inner child said, “Joyce is our mom now”

In S2:

Nancy: you don’t have to do this you know?

Jonathan: stop saying that

It just reminds me of us and it makes me happy🥰Also it’s just a nice reminder that your people will be there for you always and you’re never a burden (which is like a daily affirmation I need at this point.) Damn, when did this get so dark? Fuck ableism. Moving on…..

Joyce and Hop getting Murried will never not make me laugh

At the beginning of S2 when Joyce and Jonathan are looking for Will like, “shit it happened again” and when Joyce finds Will in the bathroom and asks what he’s doing he’s just like, “peeing?!?!?” Iconic

Top five lyrics right now:

“Emotion-bound

Martyed

Misconstrued” Laughing, REM

“It's these little things, they can pull you under

Live your life filled with joy and wonder

I always knew this altogether thunder

Was lost in our little lives

Oh, but sweetness follows

Oh, but sweetness follows” Sweetness Follows, REM

This one is cheating a little but it’s my fav song rn now I’m giving three examples counting as one:

“And if you never saved me from boredom

I could've gone on as I was

But, Lord, you made me feel important

And then you tried to erase us

Oh, oh

You're a crisis of my faith”

“And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons”

“If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?

Years of tearing down our banners, you and I

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts

Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first”

Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve, Taylor Swift

“I asked my friends

Am I a good man?” Tayls, First Cure (I Can’t Hide)

Istg it’s not just because it’s your lyric and I’m not being a kiss ass but:

”Your mind is on fire but so is the world

And you want to escape but where on Earth could you go?

Every single day is some paradoxical mind-numbing mashup of boring and terrible”

Road Ahead, Jay Van Raalte (my fav human🥰)

Top five things that I like about myself

My ability to love people and things. It’s very deep and vast and loyal and in the past has def been given to the wrong people but we’re working on it

My ability to make my inner child feel safe and heard. We’re still working on the internalized ableism stuff for adult me but as far as making sure that little me is safe and her feelings and pain are heard and vailed? Ooff it’s been a long 4+ year journey with an awesome therapist but as a kid who was constantly physically violated by being forced to leave home where it was safe to go stay with her emotionally and physically abusive father for months out of the year, it’s nice that she finally has an adult who puts her needs first

When I have an idea I’ll cling to it until it becomes a thing. (Getting into my dream school for undergrad, saving up for Taylor bc I’ve wanted to see her for years and my parents weren’t going to make it a thing when I was a teenager either bc of money or usually when my mom and I would go to a concert it had to be someone we both liked so it was always Rob Thomas/Matchbox so instead I’m doing it myself, hopefully moving to Seattle etc)

I love my life long love for reading. It’s something that’s really cool and I love that it has always stuck with me

My appreciation for simple things (books, tea, rain, new music, deep pressure therapy, being held. No I did not just say that last one bc you asked😉These are just the simplest things in the word but they make me the happiest)

[flashbackonyourbehalf]

Back on the roommate rant!

I’ve befriended one of the people who works at my apartment’s office (he’s a trans guy who used to work with my ex-husband, he’s technically one of my landlords but he’s chill). We’ll call him E. Once E learned that I was bedridden from re-injuring my back, he offered to help around the house, drive me places, and even bring a homemade meal for me.

I’ve had him come over and hang out once last week. He was an enormous help.

My roommate (who has been sleeping on my couch for six months now and will hopefully get back on her feet soon) expressed unease at E’s presence because if he found out she was staying here, she’d become homeless again. While her concern is valid, I assured her I’d keep it a secret from E.

E texted me yesterday that the homemade lasagna was ready and that he would drop it off before work this (Saturday morning) (it’s currently 4:40am, this convo happened last night). I let my roommate know that she’d need to wake up and go on a walk at that time to avoid him (which is unfortunate bc it’s her day off but I figured she’d prefer that over getting kicked out).

She was NOT happy. At her request, I reassured her TWICE that in the future Id ask E for a little more heads up so that I can plan this on one of the days she works, and then she fucking accused me of playing games bringing E around “all the time” in order to slowly push her out, and that if I wanted her gone, I “should just say so.”

I was appalled. First of all, E hung out ONCE. I hate when people intentionally exaggerate to prove a point in an argument. Secondly, I thought she’d know me well enough by now to know that I don’t do that neurotypical game of thrones bullshit where everything you say and do is like a high-stakes game of chess to get what you want. In the past, she’s accused me of implying things during arguments and I’m like ??? I don’t even know HOW to do that. I’m an autistic fuck and I mean what I say. I accepted E’s offer for help because he can provide help that my roommate unfortunately cannot provide. Nothing more to it. And keep in mind I already reassured her TWICE that I’d try to avoid this in the future.

I wasted four years of my life with someone who made me feel crazy bc they intentionally misconstrued everything I did and accused me of playing games and I have NO time or energy for people like that in my life. I told her that, if that’s truly how she thinks, she needs to leave immediately because things are only gonna get worse from here.

She started backpedaling immediately and apologized for the misunderstanding and blamed it on being hormonal and while I appreciate the apology, I’m sorry but I’ve dealt with female hormones my ENTIRE LIFE. They cause mood swings and emotional outbursts, they do NOT cause this. I didn’t say so, as she apologized and it was the end of the conversation, but I’m still fuming.

I need her fucking gone.

[cantalooprat]

I Like Your Pheromones

What I Liked

is this the omegaverse of my dreams, the danmei omegaverse i've always wanted to read?

duan jiayan is such a dense dumbass lmao ok it's understandable considering he's always thought he was a beta but i lowkey just felt so much pity for the ml for chasing him akjdlds ok ok but i like how thoughtful he actually is. like abt his family situation and his mother's remarriage, and how he's prob lonely inside but in the end realizes that some things just can't be measured in give and take and just does his best with what he has. and how once he got confessed to by lu xingci, he really started to consider the things lu xingci has done for him and how if he accepts now, it could be misconstrued as him accepting lu xingci's feelings and he doesn't want to lead him on. anw he's a great guy.

lu xingci is also such a good alpha good god he's gentle, respectful, sweet, but also with that repressed feral possessiveness that every reader craves for when seeking omegaverse stories to read. he is such a henpecked husband tho. he might be the alpha but duan jiayan is the one holding the reins in their relationship. i also like how he banters with duan jiayan and makes him speechless nghhhh truly the one with the brains.

yo i am so glad shen chilie isn't a second male lead childhood friend who's destined to lose. for once! he's just a normal friend! with normal concerns! and once he sees that lu xingci is good alpha material, he immediately warms up to him and his friends! u go dude!

there's no real plot it's just a fluffy highschool romcom in an omegaverse setting. i smiled a lot reading it. it's so cute! it's really cute! 

at this rate i need an actual subsection for ost, but anw the audio drama ost is also rly good! they even made one of the songs that was playing in-universe into an ost!

speaking of said ost, the moment in the wn where lxc realized his feelings for djy while the song was playing is such an iconic moment for me, whenever the ost plays i just picture that scene in my mind when djy turns around and asks if he’s good looking and lxc is like en you’re the best looking while inwardly he’s finally admitted that he likes djy ahhhhhh

What I Disliked

reading abt duan jiayan sometimes is so... he's so naive and defenseless, like when he decided not to take an inhibitor during his heat on his bday and let lu xingci do whatever bc duan jiayan loves him a lot even though shen chilie painstakingly tells him it’s dangerous n that he needs to draw some lines. it's good he met someone good like lu xingci, or else he can easily be one of those bad end shou type of char if he gave his all to a scum gong…

duan jiayan’s family background could have been explored a little more, or the author could’ve leaned more towards how he could find a home with lu xingci i feel

Notes

fak me it’s another unfinished tl i have to do the tbbf cope and parallel-read mtl and the raw /crying

the quote below actually came from the in-universe song that was playing when lu xingci realized his feelings for duan jiayan it’s kind of… cheating… but it’s an actual quote… rly…

220516 edit: adlkjfslsdf I FINALLY FINISHED IT… I MTL-ED THE REST… finished the last 3 extra chapters today, hngggg even the extras r super cute /crying /crying when lxc wanted to get married but still didn’t mark djy bc djy’s underdeveloped glands caused him to be able to have only one alpha in this lifetime, and lxc rly wants him to be sure… /crying wuwuwuwuwu i love them xingyan forever i’m so glad they’re married and happy and they even have a cat my heart felt so full reading all the extras

i like it so much i’ll prob buy the wn the next time i top up jjwxc

Quotes

You're the most dazzling The spring breeze squeezing in between the pages of a book The summer sunset floating with the scent of flowers and grass The autumn moonlight stopping under the streetlight The winter fine snow hitting against the glass window After meeting you, the wind, flowers, snow, and moon all lost their radiance

“When you’re with him, you’ll feel like every day is a happy one.”

[broken--stardust]

mine - j.m.k.

summary: this is a oneshot for this lovely anon; could you possibly do one with josh where he’s away on tour and y’all get into y’all’s first real big fight, saying things you obviously don’t mean but nonetheless still very hurtful. and so the reader hangs up and gives him the silent treatment. and he doesn’t know what to do Bc he’s on tour?

i hope this suits your fancy! ;)

pairing: josh x f. reader

warnings: mild angst, cussing, verbal altercations

word count: 2.4k

“Listen, baby, you can’t believe everything you read. The media always misconstrues everything, just for the sake of a story.”

You huffed a sigh at Josh’s shallow attempt to comfort you. Deep down, you knew he didn’t mean to sound condescending, but in your already fragile, heightened state, his words came across like he thought you naïve. You heard him take a breath through the phone, and if you imagined what he looked like right now, you knew he was probably pinching the bridge of his nose and trying not to roll his eyes. The thought pissed you off even more.

“I know that, Joshua,” you seethed, and you heard him sigh at the use of his full first name. “This isn’t my first day on this earth nor is it my first day as the girlfriend of a ‘rockstar’” you accented the last word with a mocking tone. You weren’t sure why you were belittling his fame in this moment, except that maybe sometimes you wished things could be more “normal” for the two of you. You’d much rather be able to have this conversation – well, call it what it is, a fight – in person, but he was states away, on tour, as usual. Actually, if you two had a normal relationship, one where he was just another average guy with a 9-5, you wouldn’t even be having this fight. “Pictures don’t lie” you finished.

Josh sighed through the phone again.

“Josh, if you don’t quit fucking sighing and give me some answers, I swear to God –"

“Y/N.” he cut you off, his tone drastically less patient than before. “Pictures can be taken out of context. You don’t know what happened before or after that picture was taken –"

It was your turn to interrupt. “She’s kissing you, Josh. I don’t care what happened before or after, I’m just looking at a picture of another girl kissing you. And then reading the vomit-inducing article following it.”

“Listen to what you’re saying, Y/N. She’s kissing me. My cheek, in fact. I’m not kissing her. And again, whatever the article says is a load of shit. You know better than that.”

You had to roll your eyes at his once again condescending tone, like a father reprimanding his child. It made you want to punch something. “Have you even read the article, Josh? It says that you’re finally off the market, that you made your first public appearance with your new girlfriend. Do you know how that feels, knowing that you’ve actually been off the market for over a year? And all your fans believe it.”

“And whose fault is that Y/N? You’re the one who didn’t want to be public, you wanted to stay out of the spotlight, and you don’t let me post shit about you. They’re looking for crumbs. Until now, the world has thought I’m single. Because of you. Ironic, isn’t it?”

Hot tears burned at the corners of your eyes at his words. You knew he was right, too. “You don’t have to be such an asshole about it.” You heard him mumble something under his breath, but you caught three syllables that made your ears burn: “dramatic”. “What was that? I didn’t quite catch that.”

“You’re being so fucking dramatic, Y/N! Dramatic! Can you hear me now? Because you haven’t been listening to me this entire fucking time, except for what you choose to hear.”

“Fuck you.” And with that, you hung up.

-

Josh heard the three beeps signaling the end of the phone call. “Shit” he sighed. He sat down on the small couch in his dressing room and held his head in his hands. After a few beats of silence, he heard a knock on his dressing room door. “Who is it?” he huffed; the sound muffled by his hands still holding his face.

“Me” said a voice that sounded much like his own, and with that, his long-haired twin peeked in. “Can I come in?” he asked.

Josh made eye contact with him from over his fingers and nodded. Jake stepped through the doorway and closed the door behind him, took the few steps toward the couch and sat down next to his twin. Josh simply stared at the wall across from himself as Jake rubbed his back a few times.

“That sounded…brutal.” Jake finally broke the silence. Josh nodded.

“I took it too far.”

“Mm”, Jake hummed. Jake was often a man of few words, but nothing if not a good listener.

“Did you see the TMZ article?”

“I did.”

“Bullshit, right?”

Jake half-smiled. “It always is.”

“Y/N wouldn’t really believe all that, would she?”

“I doubt she actually believes anything it says. She just misses you, and seeing that picture coupled with their nonsense wouldn’t make anyone feel very good if they’re already feeling vulnerable, y’know?”

“Well, it’s her own fault people don’t know about us.”

“Hmm”.

“Do you disagree?”

Jake avoided the question and asked his own. “What have you done to reassure her?”

“I mean, I don’t really know what she needs to hear. I mostly just point out every other couple that is in the public eye –"

“Which definitely makes her feel like her feelings are valid, I’m sure.” Jake interrupted in a sarcastic tone, a smirk on his face. People often thought Josh to be the “sweetheart” of the group, and he could be, at times, but he was rather bull-headed and had a very hard time rationalizing anyone else’s views unless they mirrored his own. In short, he always thought he was right.

Josh turned to face him at that remark, the words he was going to retort dying on his tongue as he mulled over his brother’s words. “I hadn’t thought about it like that.” Josh finally said as he turned to face the wall again.

Jake patted his twin’s back a couple of times as he stood up with a sigh. “Give her some time to cool off and then give her another call. Maybe try…listening, this time” he said with a smirk as he made his way to the door. He opened it with a creak and was almost completely out, when he heard,

“Jake?”

Jake turned his face towards the couch from the doorway. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.” Josh mumbled, almost too quietly to be heard if Jake hadn’t been listening for it.

The corners of Jake’s mouth twitched as he bit back a grin. He knew Josh must actually be pretty unnerved if he was actually humbling himself enough to offer any kind of gratitude to his brother. “Anytime” Jake said as he closed the door.

Josh waited an hour, spending time getting settled on the tour bus to drive to their next destination, then attempted to call you. After a couple of rings, it sent him to voicemail, indicating that you had declined the call. After a half hour, he tried again. Same thing. Fifteen minutes after that, he tried one more time. You still declined it. With a frustrated huff he tossed his phone onto his bed. The next day, he tried a couple more times at sporadic hours of the day. Same story as before.

-

You were in the middle of brushing your teeth when your phone began buzzing on the counter. Your finger hovered over the red decline button when you noticed the contact. You spit out your toothpaste and pressed the green button instead, bringing your phone up to your ear.

“Hello” you answered, monotone.

“Hi, Y/N. Are you busy right now?” Jake’s deep voice sang through your speakers.

“Not particularly. Just getting ready for bed. Why” you huffed, but you knew the answer.

“I just wanted to…” Jake paused as he chose his words. “…tell you a story. If you don’t mind.”

You sat down on your and Josh’s bed and made yourself comfortable in the covers. “Shoot.”

Jake told you in detail all about Jita’s and his relationship. He started with how they met, when they were still playing bars and local venues, before fame was really on the radar. He described all the events leading up to the present, noting how her Instagram account is still private with very limited followers. He talked about how fans would recognize her and take pictures with her occasionally but were still respectful of her privacy. You understood what he was trying to tell you without him actually saying the words.

There were a few beats of silence as Jake gave you some time to process his words. “Can I ask you something?” he broke the silence.

You nodded first, then remembered he couldn’t see you. “Sure.”

“Why did that article bother you so much? Really?”

You considered what he was asking for a few moments. You knew Jake was someone you could confide in, but you were embarrassed to say the words aloud. You took a breath. “I think…because it built up this grand reveal of his supposed girlfriend. And…it wasn’t me who they were revealing. Even though I don’t personally want fame, I still…love him, and I want the world to know he’s mine. And I’m his.”

“Hmm” Jake hummed in response. He was quiet for a couple of beats as he turned over your words in his head. “You know, a little bit of fame comes with the territory. But that doesn’t mean you have to be in any kind of spotlight. It sounds to me though, like you do kind of want people to know who you are. Josh could always ‘reveal’ who you are. But you can still keep your social media private. Keep your personal life with him private. But that doesn’t necessarily mean we all have to pretend you don’t exist, like we’ve been doing.”

You sighed deeply. After a few minutes of casual conversation to shift the mood, you said your goodbyes and thanked Jake for calling.

You considered returning Josh’s missed calls before you went to bed, but your conversation with Jake had been a bit draining, and you were already exhausted. You drifted into a restless slumber, dreaming you were in Josh’s arms.

-

“Y/N?”

You woke up with a start to the sound of a familiar your voice calling your name across yours and Josh’s shared home. You sat up quickly and began rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You had to have been imagining it. Josh was supposed to be in Ohio, wasn’t he?

“Y/N!”

There it was again, there was no way you could have imagined it this time. You leapt from the bed in only your underwear and an oversized tee and took off in a sprint out of your shared bedroom and down the hallway and stopped before you crossed the threshold into the kitchen when you saw him standing there, backpack on his back and a small carry-on in his hands. His eyes sparkled when he made eye contact with you.

“Hi, sweetheart” he greeted you with a smile. You made quick work of the few feet between you and jumped into his arms, wrapping yours around his neck and your legs around his waist, has he grasped your thighs and held you tight. After a few moments he set you down slowly as he pulled away from the tight embrace he had held you in, and crashed his lips into yours. He tasted of honey and vanilla chapstick as you slightly parted your lips and allowed his tongue to dance across your bottom lip.

You both pulled away after several minutes, and his deep, mocha and amber eyes met yours.

“I’m sorry –” you both began at the same time. You both giggled sheepishly. He held your hand and led you over to the couch in your living room, and that began a couple of hours of conversation of what you both wanted from your current relationship. You discussed what Jake had shared with you, and that you hoped maybe you could have something similar to his and Jita’s situation with Josh.

Josh brought your hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss across your knuckles. “All I’ve wanted is just for the world to know you’re mine. Even if you don’t want to attend events with me or anything like that, it’s fine, I understand. But I love you. And I want people to at least know that much.”

Eventually the conversation turned to his reason for being back in Michigan. He explained that he had been asked to do a last-minute interview with a radio station, due to the original interviewee having to drop out at the last minute, but of course he flew in early, so he had time to spend with you.

-

A few hours later you were settled down in a chair in the living room, listening intently to the live interview being conducted with your boyfriend.

“So, Josh…we’ve all seen the article by now. We and your fans gotta know the details. Tell us about your girlfriend.”

Josh laughed. “Well, I would love to tell you all about her. But, you should know it’s not the girl in the picture.”

“Oh damn, this is an interesting turn of events!”

Josh laughed again. “In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve been seeing someone for over a year. We still want to keep our personal lives private, of course, but we’re more than ready to make our own grand reveal. And Y/N, baby, if you’re listening, I love you so much.”

The interviewer gasped jokingly at Josh’s name drop. “Well, you heard it hear first, folks. Our Josh Kiszka is off the market. But has been for much longer than we all thought! If you’re up to it, you should share a picture with us of you and your actual girlfriend for our article.”

“I’d love that.”

-

The next day, the radio station shared their own article with the transcriptions of everything that had been said on air. You smiled at the picture of you and Josh he had chosen to share with them. It was taken on a beach vacation you had went on, your hair was almost as wavy as Josh’s from the saltwater and ocean breeze, a scattering of freckles across both of your tanned faces. You looked blissfully happy, as you always were with Josh. It didn’t take long for people to begin finding your social media, but you took solace in the fact that you weren’t required to let anyone in. In the end, your relationship was only yours and Josh’s, but you were happy the world finally knew he was yours, and you were his. -fin.

[bloody-wonder]

just some thoughts on aftg, aspec rep & acephobia

so last weekend i went to my first pride and it’s strange to think that i wouldn’t be here now, identifying as queer and understanding much more about myself, without aftg. i mean, i guess i would’ve found out about the ace spectrum sooner or later but i don’t think i’d have realized i’m on it if i hadn’t met neil and experienced this story through his pov. which is why in this post i want to address the so-called acephobic scenes in aftg and how they factor into aftg as a book with aspec rep.

the scenes in question are basically some casual comments made by aftg characters about neil’s love life (or rather absence thereof), most notably nicky repeatedly refusing to acknowledge that neil doesn’t “swing”. i don’t want to list them all bc i’ve seen other people do it already, and although these fans are doing the lord’s educational work out there, in all the instances when i’ve seen these posts they seem to imply that aftg is acephobic either for featuring these comments in the first place or for not having the characters who made them explicitly called out by the story. this made me think about why i wouldn’t prefer it any other way.

so the first argument i just want to dismiss out of hand bc it’s kinda childish - having x-phobic statements in a book doesn’t automatically make this book x-phobic. besides, nora is aroace and although people can have internalized phobias of their own identites i don’t think that’s the case here. moving on to the second argument which is “you’re only allowed to have x-phobic comments in your book if the narrative explicitly frames them as wrong, for example by having the characters who made them be punished or learn to do better”. i can see where this one is coming from and yet it still reminds me of a first grader picture book storytelling formula. 

when i read aftg for the first time, even without knowing anything about the ace spectrum i still perceived these comments as wrong. during subsequent re-reads, after a bit of research and self-discovery, i undetstood why exactly they seemed wrong to me but i’ve only ever felt good about them being there bc they showcase vividly what it feels like to be subjected to casual acephobia in day-to-day life. and it has never even occured to me that these scenes might be harmful on the meta-level just bc the story doesn’t draw out attention to them and say “kids don’t do this, this is wrong” in a stern voice.

however, i do understant that the purpose of these lines can go over many (most?) readers’ heads or be misconstrued by them - just bc they aren’t in the know about the ace agenda. that’s why i think it’s important to write fandom meta about them. no one can know everything all the time and it’s okay to rely on other more knowledgeable people for additional information. but the question is, should this educational work instead be done by the book itself? is it a moral obligation of authors to put disclaimers before any potentially controversial scene lest some readers think the book normalizes problematic behaviours? does aftg normalize acephobia bc at no point in the story do the foxes learn about asexuality and apologize to neil? i guess you can tell from my tone that i believe the answers are no, no and no. but that’s only bc, for better or for worse, i have faith in human intellect and critical thinking skills.

since i started identifying as aroace, i’ve read several other books with aspec rep. one thing some of them have in common - with each other but not with aftg - is that labels are used on page, typically in conversations where the aspec character has to explain to the others what all of this means using phrases like “oh it’s when you don’t feel sexual attraction to any person of any gender”. and i don’t want to criticize these books or imply in any way that they do aspec rep wrong, to each their own, but i must confess, when i imagine myself from two years ago reading such a book with an ace character who feels more like a wikipedia entry, i just go hmm,, okay ://

by contrast, with neil you don’t know that he’s on the ace spectrum unless you know. neither the characters nor the readers are owed an explanation or a label by him. neil just exists, he lives out his identity, his aceness is in everything he is and does - and you either get it or you don’t. it’s like an inside joke, the kind that would only be spoiled by explaining it. 

[dreamslesbian]

can i ask why you're a c!dream apologist? /genq :0 bc last i checked hes done lots of. extremely questionable things canonically, and a lot of c!dream antis actually think ccdream is lovely :D!

- please don't misconstrue this as hate or anything! i do just genuinely want to know :00

ok this is late and got long so its going to have a read more but lets give this a go !

first of all: "he's done extremely questionable things" yes he has ! and so has more than half the server !!

listen this isn't whataboutism, im not saying you can't criticize c!dream for x bc this other character did y, criticize him ! analyze him and tear him a new one !!

however we probably are going to disagree on what his wrongdoings are and if they are justified/necessary/understandable/etc, and i suppose thats where the 'apologist' comes in right? like as much as people want to argue that it means a person excuses everything and anything the character has done, that is hardly ever the case. mostly bc for that to happen you have to be defending the stalest most boring piece of wonder bread character to have ever graced the earth, you are severely misinterpreting the character OR youre lying to yourself and everyone else.

that being said, in my case for example i think exile was inexcusable, morally reprehensible and a particular low point for c!dream's character, i don't defend or excuse this. on the other hand his opposition of l'manburg and the deaths that it resulted in? not so much.

now of course ppl are going to disagree with this pov and thats okay ! if you think everything hes ever done is unjustifiable and evil more power to you, i passionately disagree with you, but you are entitled to your opinion. its when ppl get sanctimonious and hypocritical that i get upset. bc they'll curse c!dream apologists out and harass us then turn around and be an apologist for another character with just as long a war crime history like, lets be consistent at least.

this is a long winded way of saying im a c!dream apologist bc 1) it probably doesnt mean to me what it means to you 2) i am very passionate about his character and truly find him an interesting sympathetic character.

also to your last point ! i am aware a lot of c!dream antis like or are at least perfectly civil with cc!dream but the fact that you have to clarify that lets me know you are at least aware that it is a problem with c!dream antis to some extent so yeah.

[incorrectbatfam]

Can I get headcanons for an au where Bruce adopted the kids when they /were/ babies, please?

Use the bathroom, get comfortable, and maybe have some tissues on hand.

For these headcanons, we’re gonna assume they were adopted in order of age, and that they’re all under 18. So Dick and Babs are 16 (with Babs being older), Harper is 14, Cass is 13, Jason is 12, Tim is 7, Steph and Duke are both 5 (with Steph being older), Carrie is 3, and Damian is 1. Yes, I’m aware that it diverges from canon age gaps but once you keep reading you’ll see why I did that.

Now for the headcanons (in no particular order):

Alfred is “Grandpa” and Bruce is anything from “Dad”, “Pops”, “Old man”, “Baba”, etc. All the other adults, like Kate or Clark, are aunts and uncles.

Steph and Duke compete over everything, like who can tie their shoes the fastest or learn to ride a bike first. Steph makes a point of letting everyone know she’s older, but Duke fires back with the fact that he’s taller. They’re both at the top of their kindergarten class and are known for butting heads, but God help anyone who decides to pick on one of them.

Harper got her first period at school while wearing white shorts. Thankfully, Dick and Babs came in clutch.

At school, Kon told Tim that he got ten dollars every time he lost a tooth. Tim tried to hack the system by pulling a bunch of teeth out at once (thankfully to no avail) until someone caught him.

Babs has a different secret handshake with each person.

When Damian first came along, everyone expected Carrie to be angry or jealous since she’d no longer be the baby of the family. And she was a little jealous at first. But the moment she saw him, her eyes went wide and she whispered, “He’s so tiny” and vowed to protect him with everything she had.

The last business trip Bruce took was when Cass was a baby, and the reason why it was his last one was that while he was abroad, Alfred sent him a video of Cass taking her first steps and he burst into tears in the middle of a meeting because he wasn’t there to witness it in person.

Dick once used Damian as a wingman to pick up girls. It worked so well that Jason tried the same thing, only to have it grossly backfire on him.

Whenever Bruce needs a break, Alfred will call everyone to the living room for one of his infamous spy stories.

Cass is the queen of April Fool’s.

Tim, Steph, and Duke regularly climb on each other’s shoulders to try to reach the cookie jar.

Harper is a pro at getting gum out of people’s hair. Tim is a pro at the exact opposite. 

Bruce gives Dick “the talk”. Dick then gives it to Harper who gives it to Cass who gives it to Jason and by then it’s so misconstrued by then that Bruce has to re-give it to all the kids.

One time Jason lashed out at school and it led to the teachers referring him to a therapist. Bruce stayed with him during the first appointment and Jason admitted to feeling unwanted because of what some kids at school said. Meanwhile, back at home, all the other siblings were trying to get their names to be Damian’s first word, like a competition. None of them ended up winning because when the other two came home, Damian called out to Jason. (And Jason cried on the spot because it didn’t matter what people said at school, he was wanted by the right people).

Group outings with the Kents or the Allens are a normal occurrence.

Harper gave Bruce a heart attack when she DIYed her hair dye and piercings.

The first time Tim saw a shooting star, he was convinced that aliens had arrived to take over the world. His conspiracy-driven panic spread to his younger siblings and that’s how Alfred found them all hiding in a blanket fort wearing saucepans as helmets.

Steph once got lost at the mall and the first thing she did was buy ten Build-A-Bears. 

Cass regularly carries her younger siblings like suitcases.

Bruce never rushed Dick into getting a license or helping out around the house.

Harper once snuck on a train to the next town without telling anyone because she wanted to ask Kate advice on coming out.

Nobody got any sleep for the forty-eight hours when Damian’s favorite stuffed animal went missing.

Duke is a LEGO kid. Carrie is a horse girl. Together they created the ultimate toy equine sanctuary.

Bruce can’t ground the kids. They’ve unionized.

Jason is no longer allowed to pick movies on account of the time he chose an R-rated slasher.

It’s an open secret that Cass accidentally left Tim at a haunted house once. 

Alfred custom sews a ten-person "get along" shirt.

Duke once snuck Damian to school for Show And Tell. Steph ratted him out almost right away.

Jason tried to make his younger siblings reenact Shakespeare. It lasted a good thirty seconds before it dissolved into people hitting each other with props.

As a big mystery/conspiracy theory person, Tim was wholly convinced that Damian was an extraterrestrial because the first time he saw him, it was at the hospital where Damian was hooked up to a bunch of machines after he was born. It wasn’t until after three different people explained the concept of preemies to him did Tim finally get it.

Carrie loves to play dress-up and will rope in anyone in the vicinity.

Bruce’s favorite song to sing to someone when they’re upset is Lean On Me by Bill Withers

Cass taught everyone obscenities in sign language and it was all fine until someone caught Babs at school and she got detention

Alfred can’t remember the last time the house was not babyproofed.

Between birthdays, holidays, Gotcha Days, and other special days, there’s always a reason to celebrate at Wayne Manor.

Whenever they fly on the private jet Duke's in the cockpit insisting he knows more about airplanes than the pilots (Alfred or Kate) bc he watched the Planes movie.

Harper got matching leather jackets for all the sisters.

Bruce gives Tim "coffee" that's 90% milk and a splash of coffee for flavor.

Cass and Jason communicate solely in inhuman grunts.

Carrie can and will latch onto the first person she sees like a koala bear.

There's a running gag among friends on how many siblings Dick has because he tells stories without ever using names.

Bruce comes home after a long day of work and everyone drops what they're doing to dogpile on him.

Harper only got an after school job to pay for her Club Penguin membership.

They all make snowmen in descending size order with Bruce's being this huge towering one and Damian's being like three inches tall.

The girls have a "no boys (except the baby) allowed" zone.

Carrie can't pronounce the letters "R" or L".

When Damian learns to crawl suddenly all the other family members become a jungle gym.

Bruce doesn't notice when someone invites a friend over without permission because what's a few extra kids anyway?

Harper comes out and for a week people wouldn't stop making bi puns.

They try to do that thing where each family member puts a different colored handprint on the mailbox and they end up running out of space.

As the oldest Dick gets stuck with babysitting or he's forced to let Jason tag along when he goes out (bc all parents make their older kids do that) and he resents it but at the same time no one can talk trash about his siblings.

Damian's animal collection begins when he brings in a mouse from the yard. (Cue the hilarious siblings-helping-him-hide-new-pets montages.)

Someone beat Bruce for “World’s most attractive man”, but that’s okay because he was voted “World’s happiest man” instead.

[fuck-customers]

I’m 18 working my first job as a front desk assistant at Shmoliday Shminns. And dense as a brick, too. This Guy and his friend came in to check in— both old enough to be my father— and started joking around with me and my manager.

All good things, no problem, he asked for a beer.

So I had never opened the beer freezer before (bc i’m not allowed to touch the beer since I’m 18) but my manager asked me to try, bc when I’m by myself, I’ll need to be able to open it. I couldn’t get it open, so i stood back next to The Guy who tapped me on the shoulder and winked at me. Said it was ok I couldn’t open it or something. I did some fake bows and said I’d be here all week. He offered to buy me a white claw and I was like “haha sure if you’re paying for it!” And my manager was like, “She’s on the clock.” I remember she said it a little weirdly but I didn’t think anything of it, and I was like, “yeah and i’m 18, I can’t drink!” And he was like, “Ooooh.”

I just smiled, he paid for his beer, he told me about hooch? Which I’m still not sure what it is. Jail beer, or something. Anyway he left, I was like “Haha, wow!” And I guess he heard me because he CAME BACK and was like “wow bc of me or bc of other things?” And flexed at me.

We laughed it off and went back to work. Eventually he came down for a few more beers, but I was occupied checking other people in so he just made inappropriate jokes with my manager. Something about doing a pound of coke and how I “get it” (no idea what i got).

Now his FINAL beer is when things kicked off: he started talking about where to get weed (we’re a non smoking hotel) and mentioned he had been stopping other residents in the hotel to ask about it. Which, when you’re in the hospitality business, is not a good thing!! We’re humoring him. He looks at me, looks me DEAD in the eyes, and says “my BLACK friends call me one hit wonder/one and done when I smoke” and I’m like. ????????? I’m black, which makes this significant, I was like haha what the fuck? But i just smiled at him. Then he goes “as long as my wife doesn’t call me that!” And winks at me AGAIN... then goes back upstairs. I hadn’t caught on at this point bc i thought he was ribbing me bc i was new, and also he mentioned his wife twice, so I was like “oh he’s just friendly!” I know it’s stupid but I don’t have much experience with men, let alone men like three times my age.

He goes back upstairs, but comes back again. I start checking in this one family who showed up a little but after him and The Guy turns around and starts asking this one guy about weed!!! I’m trying to hurry and get this family checked in so The Guy can go sit down and eventually he starts talking to my manager again; he makes a joke, and while I didn’t hear it, I knew it was inappropriate because everyone made a face and laughed awkwardly. I finally check them in and they leave.

He leaves too, and my manager and I start laughing about him. I’m like “wow, can you imagine if he really went to a dispensary and was high?” And she said, “yeah, and he started asking me about you, and I had to be like, dude, she’s 18!”

Turns out he was flirting with me the whole time and I couldn’t see it. Put the whole interaction into a different perspective. Apparently when I was checking in that one family, The Guy started flirting with her (which is normal behavior for him, he’s jokey like that) but kept? Asking about me?

I was gonna do a property walk but I wasn’t sure I wanted to run into him while he was drunk. Hell, dude easily was like 1.5x times my height and had like 100 pounds on me. I trust he wouldn’t do anything bad, but apparently my manager didn’t know he would say stuff about his black friends, and I don’t know him at all, so uh. What a way to end my last night of training. He’s just staying for one night, but he is a regular so uh, I’ll probably run into him again over the summer.

Now I’m anxious about my behavior. My other manager said people would flirt with me but I didn’t believe it... now I don’t want anyone to misconstrue my kindness as interest. Especially when they’re like my dad’s age...

[domjaehyun]

Oh myyy! Here I am again for some advice 😅 I need people to comment on this ASAP😩 There’s this guy, insanely attractive, black hair, green eyes, that has been acting weird around me since January. For some reason we want to form a band (him, his friends, my friends, and I) since we sing and play instruments. He asked me how would we be able to communicate and I gave him my phone number, while I gave it to him I said: “Hey! Having my phone number is a privilege, almost nobody has it, so please don’t share and keep it to yourself.” I said it with a smile on my face and he smiled too. Afterwards he started to tell me something about his dad and he got closer to me so his dad wouldn’t hear, and we both laughed…but I felt like he had changed his attitude towards me after I gave him my number. Please take into consideration the fact that I was NOT flirting with him😅 Fast forward! He has seen all of my WhatsApp Status, and I saw him yesterday and he was all flustered, blushy and nervous….now here’s the problem, while we both look the same age, he’s a 16 year old teen and I’m a 22 year old woman🙃😳. He has known my age for a long time, he asked me again on Friday and when I told him he didn’t seem surprised AT ALL…he KNEW I had graduated from university last year, and he just can’t let me go🙃 He hasn’t confessed or anything, but his attitude towards me says a lot of things, and I know I’m not just a crush. The problem lies in what I should do to get him to stop liking me, since he’s a kid and I’m an adult, I in no way like him. I do admit he’s really attractive and cute, but that’s all. Even if he expresses himself and looks like an adult, he’s still a kid lol. Any advice on how I can try to make him stop liking me? I wish he was older, but I could literally take him to school, make him lunch and do his homework😩 I’m too old lol. I don’t like children, not a pedo btw. I like men like Jaehyun🤭😜

oh boy okay um. this is gonna be a bit of a trip to answer so bear with me !! i’m gonna be a little blunt because i am taking this situation very seriously. (under the cut bc i think this is gonna get long)

“insanely attractive” this is a child. as nicely as possible, it was more than a little alarming to read you describe a 16 year old child as insanely attractive given the context of the ask, i’ll be real

how old is everyone doing this band? from a logistical standpoint, he probably couldn’t even get into a lot of events yall would perform at. this is your decision obviously, but given the rest of this ask, my advice would be not to do a band with him

you say you’re not flirting with him but the phone number line can definitely be taken as flirtatious. this is a CHILD, a young boy, and if you think he likes you, then don’t say or do anything that could be misconstrued as flirtatious.

he may know your age, yeah. he also might not care. its not on HIM as the child to be making the responsible decisions right now, it’s on YOU as the adult to be responsible and distance yourself accordingly. he might think you’re a cougar/milf/whatever the case may be, but at the end of the day, in YOUR eyes, that should be a child. replace 16 with 12. if this were a 12 year old, would you be sending me this ask? 12 and 16 are essentially the same in this case because they’re both CHILDREN no matter how “grown” they look/act (not quoting you, i’m quoting society sdfghjdfj)

“he just can’t let me go” this is very alarming, again, ngl. make him???? he’s a child????? tell him to stop flirting and that you’re not interested nor will you ever be because he’s a child and you don’t like children.

“i’m more than just a crush” ….babe this is a child. this is also concerning. he’s probably a kid with a crush and you gotta let him know it’s never gonna happen. don’t give him future hope or anything, just shut it down.

you can’t stop him from liking you. you can’t control his feelings but you can control how you react to them. he’s a kid with a crush on a pretty, cool, older woman and he’s probably gonna keep crushing on you even if you reject him. but, again, you as the adult need to maintain a healthy and respectable distance.

if he says anything remotely flirtatious, shut it down. i also really do advise not doing this band thing tbh i don’t think you guys need to be around each other.

“i wish he was older” this is literally what ppl who have tried to groom me said when i was underage. they also said i carried myself like an adult, much like you said about this child. i’m not saying you’re grooming him, nor am i implying anything unkind, i’m just pointing out the similarities and leaving it to you to decide if that’s a group you wanna align yourself with.

“i’m too old” no????????? you’re not??????? y’all have no business together plain and simple. he literally should not be on your radar in the slightest

i also like jaehyun 💖 i’m not mad at you but this def made me uncomfortable to read so i’m really hoping you do the right thing and distance yourself from him.

also can other people actually NOT weigh in on this? i already know it’ll get repetitive and any asks about it afterwards are gonna just get deleted. i don’t want this in my notifs or setting the tone for the day.

[talkingismylifewrites]

Shut up you did not just put a fucking db Cooper joger au in the tags

you bet your ass i did!! okay okay so hear me out:

john is down on his luck and needs cash fast

get a job? get outta here!!

john chooses the life of crime

he has this brilliant get rich scheme:

a) hijack a plane

b) get hijacked plane to call the police and give him money

c) jump out of said plane with money

d) profit

so he does the thing and learns to skydive and discovers that he’s not scared of heights so this shit is PERFECT

he buys himself a ticket and prepares for some kick ass legendary action

ENTER ROGER

roger loves to travel and he’s hot so he gets a job on fake panam

he loves it but every day he gets hit on by tired businessmen and businesswomen 

(IN THIS WORLD THERE IS ONLY CRIME NO SEXISM)

its tiring okay the man’s here to do his job not JUST look like a rocking babe with legs okay??

so when the hella cute passenger in seat 8A gives him a cocktail napkin, roger was like fuck it imma keep this one bc he’s purdy

(YES he has a clipon tie but hey roger wears those little sock suspenders so who is he to judge??)

meanwhile john is fucking sweating bullets okay bc he’s got his “bomb” and he’s written his note but when he gave it to the stewardess the dude just....took it?? 

didn’t say anything??

did....did he just wink??

oh my god does the stewardess have a bomb too?????

john waits a bit okay bc he’s so stressed right now he’s pitted out the shirt he borrowed from freddie and if everything goes to plan YES he can buy him a new one BUT WHAT IF HE HAS PIT STAINS IN HIS MUG SHOT

ronnie would never let him live it down

so john womans up and grabs life by the ovaries and flags the beautiful stewardess over

“so,” says the beautiful stewardess. “you go to seattle often?”

john says nothing, just gapes up at the incredibly beautiful stewardess who might also be a total fucking idiot

“i get off work an hour after we land, if you wanted to get a drink. maybe see some of the sights?” 

john’s pit stains have now become bigger pit stains

“i have a bomb,” says john.

the stewardess (is that the right term?? shit john doesn’t know is he being sexist?? crime = good but sexism = bad) raises an eyebrow, looks down at john’s crotch, and smirks

“in your pants?”

john now has two giant pit stains and also a stiffy

“no,” he says as he grabs his briefcase. “in my briefcase.” 

thirty minutes later roger is frantically ushering passengers off the plane while armed police officers throw bags on unmarked bills onto the plane

cute passenger awkward hijacker is just casually sitting in his new first case seat sipping a g&t

roger hates how hot it looks

“sorry about all this,” says the hijacker. “you’re, um...a really good stewardess--” 

“flight attendant,” roger corrects with a scowl. “don’t be sexist.” 

the hijacker has the decency to look ashamed

“again, sorry about all this. my goal is for no one to be injured.” 

“just my pride,” says roger, dejected. 

the last bag gets thrown on the plane and the pilot warms up the engine

(“you know you’re going to go to jail,” roger warns

he’s almost sad about it

do prisoners get letters while in jail?

“only if they catch me,” says the hijacker with a shrug. “should i wear my seatbelt?” )

it’s not until they’re flying does roger realize that the hijacker (”call me deaky!”) has a plan to escape

it involves a parachute and a hell of a lot of duct tape

“you’re going to die!!” screams roger over the roar of the engine and the open door

“not if i can help it!” screams back deaky. “listen, i hope i didn’t read into anything and i hope that you might feel the same and that i’m not harassing you-- i undertand that this is a high stress job and people often misconstrue friendliness for flirty but you’re really pretty and i’m about to parachute out of a moving plane and i know i kidnapped you but--”

“shut the fuck up and kiss me!” screams roger

john yanks him in by the lapels of his panam issued shirt and plants one on him like he’d never been kissed before

roger closes his eyes and leans into him, letting himself get washed away by the kiss

deaky pulls him in closer--

right before he shoves roger into the bathroom and bars the door

roger hears what sounds like a curse and the bang of a heavy object along the side of the plane and then-- 

nothing

one of the other flight attendants lets him out of the bathroom, kindly ignoring his tears

together they close the door, knowing that whoever just jumped won’t be coming back

when its all said and done and they’re circling seattle airport, roger lets himself sink into one of the seats and covers his face with his hands

“it’s been a really scary day, huh, rog,” says dom as she pulls him into a hug. “i won’t tell anyone that you were scared.” 

roger looks out the port window at the dark forest in the background and admits to himself that he’s more scared for what might have happened to deaky

the moment’s over when the police search the plane, finding no evidence that deaky ever was there except for a clip on tie and a the napkin roger had thrown to the side once he realized it wasn’t a phone number

after an extensive interview with the police, roger is released to his hotel

instead of going to bed, he sits down at the bar and ignores the news cycling through the facts in favor of his own g&t

“is this seat taken?” 

roger shakes his head, not looking at the man sliding in next to him.

“can i buy you a drink?” 

roger laughs. “whatever you want, mate. s’your money.” 

the stranger laughs, though roger doesn’t get the joke. 

“it’s funny,” says the stranger with enough mirth that roger can’t help but finally look at him. 

he promptly chokes on his g&t, sputtering tonic all over the bar.

john hands him a napkin with a grin. 

“no one ever checks the closets to make sure everyone has left the plane.” 

(and they lived happily ever after in infamy the end)

[aerynwrites]

Stardust

Cassian Andor x Reader Soulmate!AU

Author’s Note: Why do I do this to myself? I almost cried writing this you guys, I am upset lol. I hope you guys like this bc I was so inspired to write this for whatever reason, hope you enjoy! 

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Character death, angst, lots of emotional turmoil, that’s it. 

////

You had never met your soulmate.

Even though you had lived your entire life feeling all of their pain, their heartache, everything, you had never met them. You surmised from the countless bruises that appeared and the random bouts of pain that you recieved that they had a very active and apparently dangerous lifestyle - but you had no idea who they were. You didn’t know if it was a man or a woman, if they had dark hair or light, what they looked like, what they sounded like...it was all unknown to you.

So why did it hurt so much when they died?

You had been carrying the crop from your garden into your small home when you felt it. It started out as just a deep heartache, that for some reason slowly ebbed away until it was replaced by a terrible fiery pain all over. You dropped the basket in your hands, the pain bringing you to your knees before it was gone in an instant, replaced by something even worse than all the pain you had felt over the years.

There was nothing. Your soulmate was gone.

Your kind elderly neighbor, a woman named Ada who had basically been your mother since your parents had passed, heard your wails of anguish from her home. But even she could not console you as you screamed at the stars. You weren’t even thirty years old and already you had experienced the worst thing anyone ever will - the loss of your other half. Your mind went numb, you had never felt something this powerful in your short lifetime, something this life altering - aching so deep your bones seemed to hurt as Ada forced you from the ground and into your home. Everything was a blur, hidden and misconstrued by the utter anguish in your soul. You think the kind woman had tried to say something, ask what was going on, but you didn’t answer. You couldn’t past the tears burning your cheeks and the sobs ripping from your throat. The next thing you knew, you were in bed, curled in tightly on yourself with the blankets pulled up around your shoulders as you continued to wail into the pillow beneath you. You didn’t even know how much time had passed - seconds? Minutes? Hours?

The only thing your foggy mind seemed to register was that you needed sleep. That and an unfamiliar faint whisper as you fell into a fitful slumber.

‘I’m so sorry.’

***

It had been a couple of days since they died. And instead of things getting even slightly better, they just seemed to get worse. You felt empty since the moment you woke up, a part of you was missing after all, but even though you felt empty on the inside, you had the eerie feeling of not being alone. Every step you took around your small cottage, you felt watched - but not only that, things were...off. The first day after you woke up, you hadn’t left the bed, you didn't have the physical or emotional energy to do so. Yet, despite knowing you were the only one in your home, it’s like you could feel another presence. You tried to brush it off, excuse it as your mind trying to find some way of coping with this complete and utter loss you didn’t know how to deal with. But when you got up the following day and noticed small things were out of place, you didn’t really know what to do.

It went on like this for almost a week, you trying to cope with the fact that you would never meet your other half, along with these strange events. Sometimes you would walk into the living area, only to see your history books open and splayed out on the coffee table. Then the next moment you would be in the garden and you would hear footsteps next to you, like someone was walking through the foliage, only to turn and see no one there. But it all came to a head when you were awoken in the middle of the night - the first time you had managed to finally get some sleep - to the sounds of loud thuds and crashes coming from your living room. You leapt from your bed, and rushed into the room, shocked to see all of your books ripped from their shelves and tossed onto the floor. But the thing that set you off, that finally pulled at your last shred of sanity, was the photo album that lay open in the middle of it all. One of the pages floating back in its place slowly - as if someone had been leafing through the pages of memorabilia. You all but stomped over to the messy pile in the middle of the room, kneeling down to look at where the pages of the album had stopped moving, seeing only you and your parents smiling faces looking up at you. You felt a new wave of tears spill over and down your cheeks as you clutched at the book desperately, as if it would somehow ground you.

“What do you want?” you cry, looking up from the book and around your empty home, “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

You didn’t expect a response, you knew that you were most likely crazy, seeing these things - these figments of your imagination as a way of trying to cope with what had happened. So, when you finally turned to look in front of you once more, you let out a small scream when you saw a figure standing there. You flung yourself backwards onto your butt, hands reaching out behind you to catch yourself as you took in the intruder in your living room. He was tall, taller than you at least, and he looked like he had just fought a war. His dark hair was mussed, he had several cuts and scrapes on his face, and his clothing - a beige shirt and dark pants and boots - were covered in dirt and had holes in them. But the thing that struck you the most, was that you could see right through him. It's like he was a vision, something here but not quite all the way, as you could see your dining room table through his figure.

“Where am I?” the figure asked, his voice snapping you from your observation and instead bringing you back to the first night this all started.

‘I’m so sorry’ - The words ring in your ears as this stranger repeats his question in the same voice that spoke those words to you a week ago.

“Hey!” his voice bites, the snapping of his fingers making you focus on him again, “Tell me where I am? How did I get here?” His voice was sharp, his accent unfamiliar to you, yet you find a small sense of calm wash over you as he barks his questions.

You sit up slightly, never taking your eyes from him as you finally speak, “You’re on Kaith,” you say simply, voice weak after days of disuse.

The man shakes his head, “I’ve never heard of it,” he says flatly.

“It’s a small planet...on the outer rim,” you offer quietly, watching as he seemingly mulls over the information.

You take this moment of silence to speak up once more, you feel like you know this man, despite never having seen him in your life. He just feels…. familiar.

“What’s your name?” You ask, voice barely above a whisper as you gaze up at him.

You see him open his mouth to answer, before it snaps shut, a look of complete and utter confusion taking over his features as he looks about the room frantically before his eyes return to you, “I don’t know,” he breathes.

And then he’s gone.

***

It’s a few more days before your unexpected house guest shows himself again. Things had been calmer since he had shown up, less things moving around and such. You supposed he was too busy trying to remember who he was. You had rushed over to Ada’s house the day after he had appeared, stumbling over your words as you tried to explain what had happened. She didn’t say much, just listened to you while holding your hand and giving you a knowing look the entire time. She didn’t tell you much after you had finished either, just telling you some cryptic line about how you should be open to this and try to communicate. You had left her house more confused than before but opted to try and talk to the strange apparition again.

But he beat you to it.

“Cassian.”

You gasped as the voice reached your ears, breaking the silence of your home as you were cutting up vegetables for dinner. You dropped the knife and turned around at the sound of the familiar voice, seeing the same man as before standing a few feet away from you in the small space of your kitchen. He looks slightly different this time around. He was still transparent, his clothes were still tattered, and his face was still scuffed up, but his hair was neatly styled, combed to the side. He was looking at you intently, hands in his pockets as he waited for you to say something.

“What?” was all you managed to get out.

He chuckled slightly, and you tried to ignore the butterflies it created in your belly, before he spoke up once more, “My name,” he said, “It’s Cassian.”

You nod your head slowly, taking in the information for a moment before gaining the courage to speak again. You tell him your name, taking notice of the small smile that graces his lips as he repeats it, telling you it’s nice to officially meet you.

“Why are you here?” you blurt out, your curiosity getting the better of you, “I just want to understand.”

You see Cassian go stiff for a moment, before letting out a breath, running his hand through his neatly styled hair, “I don’t know,” he admits, “I don’t even know how I got here - I don’t understand what’s happening,” he sounds desperate now, confusion and panic lacing his words, “When I’m here, with you, it feels real - but then when I’m not it feels like a dream, like I’m floating in space,” he tries to explain.

You watch as he takes a few steps towards you closing the distance and you can really see the panic in his eyes, as he tries to find reasoning behind what’s happening, “Am I dead? Is this a dream? Please, you have to he-”

And then it’s like his voice is carried away in the wind along with him. You blink, trying to make sense of what the hell just happened, why this stranger just keeps appearing and disappearing out of thin air. Why he’s appearing to you, why he’s appearing at all. But you can’t seem to come up with an answer. At least not right now.

***

You’re crying when he appears again.

Curled up in your bed as the emptiness in your chest takes over once again. Since your soulmate died, you’ve had good days and bad, usually more bad than good - but today was especially tough for some reason. You had woken up from a dream cheeks damp with your tears as your mind haunted you with flashes of your soulmate even though you had never met them - but what had made it even more confusing was that it was Cassian’s face that kept appearing in your dreams. You hadn’t moved from your bed the rest of the day, alternating between waking moments filled with tears and grief, and sleeping moments mercifully filled with nothing but inky blackness.

Cassian had appeared in one of the waking moments.

You were surprised slightly when you felt a gentle sensation on your ankle, you looked down to see Cassian sitting at the foot of your bed, hand ghosting across your ankle in a comforting gesture. You also noticed that he looked different again, his clothes looked brand new, his hair was styled, but he still had the scrapes dusted along his forehead and cheekbone - and he was still transparent.

“Why do you cry so much?” he asks softly, eyes filled with concern as he gazed at you.

Part of you didn’t know if you wanted to tell him what was wrong, the rational part of you telling yourself that you didn’t know this man. But a smaller part of you, a part that you couldn’t really explain told you that you did know him. You could trust him - you were connected somehow.

“My soulmate died,” you whispered, bottom lip wobbling as you forced the words out.

Something flashed in Cassian’s eyes, a flicker of emotion you couldn’t quite catch before it disappeared and he spoke once more, “Were you together for long?”  

You looked away from him then, shaking your head and wiping at the stray tears that fell from your eyes, “I hadn’t even met them yet,” you confess, “but I felt it when they died - and it’s like a part of me died too.”

You bring your eyes back to the man at the end of your bed and you take in a deep breath, “Did you have a soulmate?” you ask quietly, voice barely a whisper, yet Cassian heard it with ease.

That one question seemed to confirm the thought you both had. You said did - past tense. Cassian was dead. The one thing he had feared since he had shown up in your home. But despite his fear at this revelation, he doesn’t disappear, he tries to stay - for you.

So he shakes his head, “I mean I think I did,” he begins, “But I hadn’t met mine either,” he admits, his gaze falling to something in the distance as a wistful look crosses his features.

You speak up one last time, “What’s your last name?” you blurt, bringing his attention back to you, “You told me your first name, but never your last.”

A small smile graces his lips, and for the first time since he’s started appearing to you, you see him start to fade away slowly. You sit up quickly, afraid he’s going to leave again without answering your question but as he finally fades from sight, a light whisper and warm breath fans over your ear.

“Andor”

***

You sat in your garden, staring at your holopad, the information on one, Captain Cassian Jeron Andor staring back up at you. This is why you wanted his last name, to see if you could find out who he was, what he was doing here, and if you could help him. However, the more you read, the more things started to make sense, and it confirmed your fleeting thoughts since the day your soulmate had died. The fact that Cassian showed up when he did corresponded with his date of death and your soulmates, the event starting on that day you lost your other half, neither of you having met your soulmate...it all made sense now.

Cassian Andor - Rebel pilot and intelligence officer, hero of the rebellion who valiantly gave his life for the rebellion in order to save the galaxy - was your soulmate.  

“I’m sorry,” the familiar voice appeared again.

This time you didn’t flinch, but as you looked over at him, sitting cross-legged next to you in your small garden, you couldn’t help the surprise that you felt. He looked good. Even though you had acknowledged long ago that he was handsome, you could really see it now. It looked like he had never seen battle at all, he was clean, no cuts or scrapes, clean clothes...and most shockingly, he was solid. You couldn’t see through him like before. It was like he was right here with you, and maybe, the fates were being merciful and giving you one real moment with the half you lost.

You set the holopad off to the side, opting instead to reach over to him slowly, afraid that one wrong move and you would lose him all over again. But as he met you halfway, his larger hand enveloping your much smaller one, you knew you would get this last moment with him.

You couldn’t help the tears that fell when you felt the warmth coming off of him, or the smell of blaster fire and spice that invaded your senses. You took in a shuddering breath as he pulled you into him, his own warm tears dampening your shirt as he tucked his face into the crook of your neck.

“I know this is crazy,” you gasp, “But I love you Cassian Andor.”

Cassian pulled away from you at your words, cradling your face in his hands and wiping away your tears, “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, “I was selfish.”

Despite your tears, you let out a small chuckle, “I think sacrificing yourself for the good of the galaxy isn’t selfish Cassian.”

But he shakes his head, “But I didn’t even think about you - about us,” he insists.

You place one of your hands over his own that's still resting on your cheek, “What’s done is done,” you say quietly, “I still love you, no matter what.”

Cassian doesn’t respond, his eyes just dance across your features, aware that this may be the last time he gets to see you, before he’s pulling you to him, sealing his lips to yours. Your hands come up to his cheeks, resting there gently relishing in the feeling of the scruff under your fingertips. Your tears mix with his where your lips meet as you both pour all of your emotion into one single action. You can feel his hands drop from your face down to your waist griping at you desperately.

“I love you too,” the whispers against your lips, breath warm as it fans over you.

Your words come out in a whimper, “Cassian-” and you open your eyes, more tears spilling over as you are met with empty space, the smell of Gunsmoke and spice lingering in the air where he was just moments ago.

Cassian’s gone.

///

Also i know Cassian isn’t force sensitive or whatever so like technically he couldn’t appear as a ghost in canon but i just wanted angst okay xD. so please ignore that small detail.

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[memoriashell]

the luck of the draw ( surely is not in her favor )

Characters /  Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru ( focused ), ft. ( some of ) Class 78

crossposted on ao3

Notes: day two of @tokomaruweek, i'm combining the killing game and talentswap prompts!! it’s still before midnight i’m totally not late at all here,

featuring my totally not original talent / roleswap luck student komaru au. because creativity is dead and i think komaru being stuck in a killing game is ??? when you think about the fact that komaru canonically sees ghosts. you KNOW she ends up possessed by one of the dead students in the last trial bc someone wants to say fuck you to the mastermind :/ also the fact that syo remembers shit but just never says anything feels like great potential!! they just want to love their partner but toko won’t let them front this is homphobia /j

anyways this au just lives in my wips rent free bc i keep changing my mind on how i want things to play out anyways. so this is more of a concept and not canon to that au if i ever finish it and that's also why this takes place in ch1 so i don't gotta think too hard on the details <3 any talents brought up are the ones i'm for sure sticking with.

tws for touko's general paranoia / anxiety / etc, mentions of murder bc kg au, and also since i usually depict syo as nonbinary with they/them pronouns, komaru’s technically accidentally misgendering them from her pov bc she doesn’t/can’t tell that syo is fronting, in case that bothers you!!

Summary: for being chosen on the basis of luck, it doesn't feel like she's ever going to catch a break here.

It’s quiet, this morning.

Not that she really knows any better— they’ve only been trapped in the school with the murder bear for a few days, after all. So maybe Komaru’s focusing on the wrong part.

It’s less that it’s quiet, there’s a few faces missing that she’d have expected to get there before her. Especially since she’d managed to sleep through her alarm again and had been kind of late; she had fully expected to be greeted with a lecture as soon as she’d gotten to the dining hall. Alright, one person specifically that stands out in her mind, but it hasn’t gone unnoticed by her that Fukawa’s not there yet. Weird, given the moral compass had lectured her for being tardy to meet up with everyone on their first day, and then for sleeping in the first morning, but...given the videos that bear had shown them the previous day, she supposes she can’t blame some people to feel reluctant to show up. Maybe that’s where she is? Going around to check on people? She had seemed a little paranoid that people were skipping out on gathering in the morning on purpose...

( Because she really, really doesn’t want to think about the possibility that Fukawa, or any of her other classmates might possibly be dead. That someone would have actually gone through with trying to kill one another? So she simply won’t think about that fact. It feels kind of like a Pavlovian...no, wait, that’s the wrong person. Uh. Freudian theory? Ah! Schrödinger’s cat. Yeah, that kind of scenario )

Okay, that settles it! She should probably have breakfast first, and if Fukawa hasn’t shown up by the time she finishes, she’ll go see if she can find her. Besides, she’s sure they aren’t the only ones who are concerned about the ones that haven’t shown up. Maizono seemed super nice ( unsurprisingly ), so maybe if she’s still hanging out in the dining hall, Komaru can convince her to help her in her search! Now that she thinks about it, she can probably ask anyone that comes by the dining hall for any leads.

...But why does she care so much in the first place? It’s not like she doesn’t care about the others: even the ones already dead— she can’t place why exactly she feels attached to people she barely knew, but she’s always been pretty sentimental. Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s the way Fukawa seems to try so hard to be close to people in one moment, and then so distant in the next.

In any case, standing in front of the fridge and spacing out is probably far from a good idea, besides the obvious fact that she’s in the way— she doesn’t even notice that someone has decided to take advantage of her distracted state to pull the wool over her eyes. Er, the hoodie of her jacket, technically.

She’s hardly gotten a chance to push the hood back before a hand comes down on her head to ruffle her hair. Or, well, she presumes that is his intention, even if the gesture comes off as more of a light noogie. She puffs her cheeks out in a pout, glaring up while the other smirks down at her. “‘Sup, squirt? Falling asleep on yer feet, or is there another reason yer zoning out in the middle of the kitchen?” The baseball star tosses an apple in his hand like one would with a ball, and she considers lightly kicking Oowada’s ankles in retaliation.

“Just thinking. You probably shouldn’t play with your food like that though.” She responds, and he makes a face at her.

“Ah, so ya do still got something still rattlin’ in that tiny head of yours, good. Worried I knocked everything outta ya.” He teases, reaching past her to open the fridge door. “An’ why would you do that to yerself? It’s still too early in the mornin’ fer that shit.”

“Well...I’m just a little worried. There are fewer people hanging out in the dining hall this morning.” She admits.

He scowls. “Pretty sure they’re just antsy ‘cause of that damn bear ‘nd if any of them have a lick of sense in ‘em they’ll be busy looking fer a way out or somethin’. Don’t worry yer pretty lil’ head about it.”

“...Yeah, I guess.” She can’t help but worry, but her concern isn’t exactly going to help right now, at any rate. Maybe she’ll just find something that she can take with her to eat. “Oh! But speaking of that, did you happen to see Fukawa-san on your way here? I would’ve thought she would have stayed around here this morning, honestly.”

“Her? Mm, yeah, heard her and Ishimaru goin’ at it in the halls earlier—”

“They were what?” Before he can finish his sentence, Asahina’s voice cuts in from behind her, pitch breaking midspeech.

“Fighin’! They were jus’ yelling at each other! N...Not anything weird!” Oowada backtracks in a panic when he realizes how poorly his wording could be misconstrued, even if such a thought never occurred to her. “Jeeze, ya think the Public Morals chick would engage in that shit? Not that I don’t think she might be a bit hypocritical with her rules ‘nd shit but—”

“No! No, I don’t! That’s why I was asking!” Asahina retorts with a huff, and while they bicker, Komaru takes this as an opportunity to slink out of the kitchen with a slice of toast. Unfortunately, Maizono seems to have left in that span of time, but the Clairvoyant happens to be sitting alone, so she figures she might see if she has anything interesting to contribute.

Enoshima opens an eye to stare at her upon hearing her footsteps, presumably, and before Komaru can even greet her, she speaks, monotone. “Four.”

Whatever question you’d planned to say dies in your throat, instead sputtering out a bewildered, “H-Huh?”

“It’s your lucky number for the day.” She sounds bored, as if she’d been stating the obvious, instead of some cryptic statement.

“...Isn’t that the number of death?” She is less certain of herself than she wants to be, ignoring the shiver that runs down her back upon realizing this.

Enoshima grins at that, for reasons she doesn’t understand; cheery voice a total 180 from what it’d been moments ago. “Well, perhaps it means you’ll be having a meeting with death today? Probably about time someone kicked the bucket, someone was bound to snap sooner or later... I’m sure your luck will kick in though, right? But I’ll wish you good luck anyways!”

“Thank you...?” Is that the appropriate response here? She’s not sure, but it’s probably not worth lingering on any longer than she already has, and decides with a rising urgency that maybe she should find Fukawa.

Although, recounting the conversation in the kitchen, she wonders if she should check on Ishimaru as well. Neither of them really struck Komaru as the kind to fight ( with their fists, at least, Fukawa’s mouth seemed set on picking a fight half the time ), so to say she was a little concerned might be an understatement. Given the writer had a tendency to be more openly friendly she could probably get a straight...well, an honest answer from him as to what had happened.

But she wanders for what feels like ages, and doesn’t have any luck ( haha, the irony ) in finding any hint as to where either of them might have gone, and decides to stick to her efforts to find Fukawa first. Ishimaru seemed like the type to be more resilient, so maybe she can catch him around their next meal time. If he didn’t lose track of time again, at least...

Ugh, she’d kill to honestly run into anyone around here. Not literally kill, obviously, but for reasons she’s been trying to keep quiet on, she really hates wandering the halls alone: or most places that they can access right now, to be honest. She keeps seeing this one ghost this one ghost in particular ( or at least Komaru is pretty sure she’s a ghost ), but she refuses to acknowledge her hanging around because that would be weird, and she would like to seem normal and if someone saw that it’d be a hassle to explain.

Fortunately, her search finally turns up fruitful when she finds Fukawa spacing out in the A/V room.

...Unfortunately for her, finding Fukawa earns her a pretty close brush with death. In the blink of an eye, a pair of scissors are thrust against her throat, pinning her back against the moment she steps into the room.

Oh. Uh. Oh god? Was Enoshima actually right about that? Her breath catches in her throat and for a moment, she wonders who would find her if she was killed here. Would they care? What about her parents— Makoto?

Would they sigh and just ponder if she’d ever been lucky at all?

And just as quick, the cold metal is pulled away from where it rests against her neck. “Oh. It’s just you.” The words are spoken with more warmth than she can ever recall hearing Fukawa speak with, which is really weird considering what just went down.

Ever so smartly, Komaru doesn’t actually process what is said to her, and responds with, “Isn’t that technically against the rules?”

A thin eyebrow is raised at her, scissors being tucked away under her shirt. Uh. “No? That’s what they want, right? Or are you so naive that you think that everyone would really follow the rules?”

Well. She’s probably not entirely wrong in thinking that she’s naive, but... “Isn’t, uhm. Isn’t that your thing, though? The rules?”

Fukawa looks startled to have this pointed out to her, for some reason. “Oh, hahaha, yeah. T-Totally! I was just...uh, testing you.”

Okay, now she’s just downright acting strange? Komaru’s willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she’s just acting odd because the videos are weighing on her mind. They are in the AV room, after all. Something doesn’t add up though, but she can’t quite place what it is...

Komaru opens her mouth to ask the other a question, but when she looks back over at Fukawa, her expression has gone kind of...distant? Hazy? She doesn’t quite know how to describe it, and begins to ask if she’s feeling okay when the other girl sort of...collapses into her, arms going around her loosely. She panics a little because that can’t be a sign of anything good, right? Is she feeling dizzy? She’s not passed out, and at least she’s breathing normally. She’s surprisingly pretty light, so it’s not like it’s really an issue to just help support her until she feels better.

The only warning that she gets is the feeling of the other girl tensing up before Fukawa suddenly bolts upright and shoves herself away. Komaru frowns a little, not because of the sudden change in attitude ( if anything, she finds that strangely reliving ), but moreso out of concern, attempting to reach her hands out to help steady her on her feet, but gets her hands slapped away before she can do so. “Don’t touch me.” She hisses.

Okay she’d be lying if she said that didn’t sting, but she can’t help but laugh for a moment. “Ahaha— sorry, I’m not laughing at you. For a moment there, you seemed like a completely different person! I’m glad to see you’re feeling better, Fukawa-san.” If she were more aware of the situation, she might feel more guilty for being unintentionally insensitive: but as she doesn't, she simply misses the way the other looks nervous for a moment while she wonders what that had been all about ( but can’t quite gather the nerve to actually ask ).

“Y-Yeah, real likely story. You just...just came to l-laugh at me in a moment of weakness, r-r-right?” She glares, hands clenched. “I know your type! No one is...is actually that nice w-without some kind of ulterior motive.”

Is that what she actually thinks about me?

“No! I really am glad to see you’re feeling better. You really had me scared there for a minute.” She says sincerely, offering her a reassuring smile. “If you want, I’ll listen to whatever’s bothering you. It’ll stay between us.”

Fukawa scowls, watching her for a long minute with a guarded expression. “There w-was something on the, uh, disc that Monokuma gave you, right? Just like— like everyone else?”

Huh? Well, if this is what it takes to get her trust, then she supposes she can talk about it... “Yeah. It was my parents and my older brother. It’s...kinda scary to think about, honestly. What about you, Fukawa-san? Was it also your family?”

“No. M-M-Mine was blank. Because...because there was no one to choose. Or so he says.” Her jaw is clenched. “Of course, I had to— I acted like I was the same as everyone else, b-because it’d be strange if I didn’t, right? You’d think I was, was working with them or something...everyone would really hate me after th-yhat.”

“Uhm, I’m pretty sure Togami-san didn’t even blink an eye...?” She tries to bring up as a counterpoint, but apparently she has more to say.

“A-A-And before you ask, it’s not like they’re wrong about that, so...so it didn’t surprise me to here it. But everyone got s...something similar, right? All these personal th-things about us...just how much do they really know? How are we supposed to act like, like this is all normal when they’ve got that kind of leverage over us...!”

Oh. She’s shaking— she’s scared. She’s been putting up a front? Komaru puts two and two together after a moment, gently taking the other girl’s hands in her own. This time, she doesn’t get pushed away.

“I’m scared too.” She admits. “Thinking about it like that is scary. But that’s what they want from us, right? To make us scared, so we act the way he wants us to, right?”

Fukawa remains silent, but the conflicted look on her face at least indicated that she was paying attention to her and not ignoring her like she might’ve feared. Komaru squeezes her hands in an attempt to be reassuring. “But you think we’ll all get out alive, right? So no matter what, as long as you believe that, no matter what they might know we’ll be okay. And if you don’t think you can do that on your own, I’ll be right here to support you. So we’ll definitely get out alive, it’s a promise...!”

“You...You really don’t know wh-wh-what you’re saying.” She mutters under her breath, but Komaru takes it in stride with a grin.

“That’s not a no!” It’s not a yes either, but Fukawa doesn’t humor her in further acknowledging the subject: it doesn’t really mater, because Komaru sees a hint of what might be called a smile in her gentle expression.

Yes, at least with one of your peers, you are sure you’ve grown a little closer with today ( and for today, that is a good enough start ).