#before any comments let me make this very clear: liking this character is not reflective of my personal beliefs or ideals Period.

[catboy-on-main]

🐇 ✧ glitchtrap stimboard for me

with cosplays, vhs tapes, and arcade themes!

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[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E17 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - master strategist

Basan - an officer who works in the palace

This episode opens with Jinshi asking Maomao for help with makeup, and Suiren decides that this is a great time to leave these two alone. Maomao believes that to make Jinshi any more beautiful would cause men to go to war.

Maomao: If this man in all his heavenly glory were to put on makeup... Are you trying to topple a nation?

Jinshi: Where'd that come from? On second thought, I would rather you don't tell me.

Is he? Not that he's trying to use his looks to do it, but it's an interesting thought. Is Jinshi interested in toppling a nation? Or perhaps dethroning an emperor? What an interesting thing to ponder. Also, is Jinshi worried that Maomao suspects him capable of insurgency?

Jinshi very much cannot afford to be found talking about toppling nations. I'm sure that the people in power who know who he really is, are already keeping an eye on him to see if he will make a play for the throne. Perhaps it is one of the reasons he was sent to manage the Rear Palace. If he makes a single misstep that could be seen as disloyal to the emperor, it would be enough to depose of Jinshi.

Ah! Jinshi wants some freckles! No, he wants to look like a completely different person. I'm sure he has a reason for wanting this disguise, but to Jinshi who has been the target of so much sexual harassment, being able to look common must feel like having a shield. He and Maomao can probably relate on this. Unlike Maomao, Jinshi can't do this regularly, his beauty is a tool that he is required to use. I also don't know that he would choose to change his appearance regularly. Even if he sees his beauty as a curse, I think he's comfortable enough with his appearance that he doesn't want to regularly alter it. Maomao does offer a more permeant solution, and Jinshi turns it down. His refusal could be because he needs his beauty as a tool, but I would guess that he doesn't want to change himself. All of that said, he's looking forward to this disguise that Maomao is going to prepare.

Maomao sees Jinshi first thing in the morning and is stunned by his beauty. She's annoyed at herself for being so affected by this man.

Jinshi: What's this? Why are you already wearing a scowl? Maomao: It's nothing. I was just noticing how lovely you are yet again. Jinshi: A little early for sarcasm.

Jinshi has tried to use his appearance on Maomao before, and it has failed every time. She's made it clear that she's not interested in him because of how he looks, so to get a comment like this one, he's sure she's teasing him. Which she is but she's also serious. It's interesting that Maomao is letting Jinshi know that she sees the physical appeal of him, when she never has before. And it's happening in an unguarded moment when Jinshi isn't trying to preen or seduce. I wonder why it's happening now. Perhaps it is just something that has been growing.

Maomao does something that disturbs everyone in the room for different reasons. She grabs Jinshi's wrist and sniffs him. Jinshi is blushing, the action a lascivious one to him. Suiren and Gaoshun interpret it the same way, but are shocked to witness it. Maomao explains that his disguise needs to start from his scent.

Jinshi ponders how well Maomao understands the world of the courtesan. He considers Lakan's suggestion to ask Maomao about how to lower a courtesan's value. Will he work up the nerve to ask? Jinshi isn't one to shy away from difficult conversations, however this is a loaded question. Asking it could reflect poorly on Jinshi. We shall see.

And does Maomao know anything about makeup? The gal was an apothecary that worked in a brothel. I'm sure she's an expert.

And she is. Her brilliance mixed with her experience means she's a master of disguise. She uses various methods to completely overhaul Jinshi's appearance, down to the most intimate details such as scent and sound of his voice. During Maomao's work to transform Jinshi, she takes time to admire various parts of Jinshi's body, such as the smoothness of his hair, the clarity of his skin, and the tone of his physique.

Jinshi is enjoying having Maomao's full attention on him and her hands all over his body, and he's going to think about this day every night before he goes to sleep. Maomao will probably also think about this day. It's a rather convenient excuse for both of them to enjoy some intimacy that they won't allow without the pretense. Meanwhile, Suiren can barely handle the multiple indignities that Jinshi has to endure to don this disguise.

Before Maomao commits to altering Jinshi's face, she can't resist putting some lipstick on him. Just to see. A little experiment if you will. One that now lives rent free in the minds of not only Maomao, but Gaoshun and Suiren too. I would give anything to see Jinshi in full glam in this show.

Nothing gets past Maomao and she finds the callouses on Jinshi's palms, surmising that he must train with weapons, which she notes is not a typical eunuch activity. Add that to the mountain of evidence that Jinshi is more than a eunuch official, that Maomao will promptly ignore.

Oh hell yeah! Suiren and Gaoshun are teaming up to send Maomao on a date with Jinshi. He couldn't possibly be seen with his usual companions, that would be too suspicious. Maomao points out the obvious, which is that she is also a well known attendant of Jinshi's. No problem, Maomao can be given a disguise too. And what Gaoshun couldn't? These two could not be more transparent. It's too bad that Maomao can't read this kind of obvious play when it relates to herself.

Maomao is dressed as a pretty young lady from a good family. And she is accompanied by Jinshi who is going out as her attendant. Jinshi loves this role reversal, and Maomao is teaching him how to play his part well. Who they are performing for isn't clear.

Basan is here, hanging back and watching Jinshi live out another one of his fantasies. Will Basan become jealous? One can only hope!

Jinshi is getting progressively more upset that Maomao is drifting in her own thoughts instead of chatting with him. He gets all pouty when Maomao says they have nothing to talk about. His fantasy date isn't going how he imagined it would.

Maomao picks up some meat skewers and after removing the cotton from his mouth Jinshi tucks in with fond memories from "camp." I'm assuming he's talking about time spent with the military. Maomao notes this isn't typical of a eunuch. I wonder what is even left on the list of things about Jinshi that resemble a eunuch.

Suiren and Gaoshun have a discussion about Jinshi and Maomao while they're out. They are pleased with themselves for setting up this outing, but Suiren is referring to Maomao as a toy, as Gaoshun used to. She talks about Jinshi as a boy and how he would fixate on one thing, and how Gaoshun would struggle to find something else to shift his attention. Gaoshun thinks that Jinshi can't afford to be so focused on Maomao. Maybe he's worried about how Maomao makes Jinshi more susceptible to manipulation from people like Lakan. Or maybe he means that with Jinshi's status, that it can't be allowed.

I've come to realize that this show is going to be much, much longer than the single season I'm on. The progress of this romance is like the slowest slow burn. Jinshi and Maomao have been stuck at an impasse for ages. Whenever they do make progress it's in the smallest increment possible that takes more brain power than I have to process and tease out. But I've digressed.

Basan looks like he's starting to enjoy this assignment now that he's picked up some meat skewers, and he can now enjoy both a juicy meal and the juicy conversation he's overhearing.

Jinshi is hurt that Maomao seems to want to get away from him as soon as possible. He asks her very earnestly if she enjoys her life in the palace. She really does, but she is worried about her father.

Maomao reveals more about her father Luomen. I think Jinshi is starting to put some pieces together about what position Luomen might have held. He'll need those clues when he gets closer to figuring out Maomao's true identity.

And it is good to see Maomao open up a little bit. She so rarely talks to Jinshi or anyone about her past, her hopes or her fears. That she does so here, with Jinshi is a step towards friendship.

Maomao sees the restaurant that Jinshi has an appointment at and notices all the ladies hanging over the men outside. She says she could have taken Jinshi to some place in the Pleasure District if this was what he was interested in. She sounds disappointed in Jinshi, or maybe she is disappointed in herself for the jealousy she feels. That she both thinks Jinshi is a eunuch and that he want to visit a courtesan is... interesting. Not that I don't think a eunuch couldn't have fun at a brothel, mind you, but still, her ability to misread a situation is always interesting. I'm confident that Jinshi is not here to meet up with someone for the reasons Maomao thinks. He may be here to meet a courtesan, but if he is, than it is to gather intel.

Honestly I'd support Jinshi if he were here for a hook up. He's committed to no one at this point, and at this rate he'll hook up with Maomao by about the time he is old enough to functionally be a eunuch, so have at it. Go wild Jinshi.

Jinshi finally gets up the courage to ask a terrible question: how to reduce the value of a courtesan. Maomao answers as I expected, you either take her purity or worse yet, you impregnant her. I'm gonna be sick. Lakan is so terrible. Just why is Jinshi so interested in this topic? Is this all to find dirt on Lakan? Does Jinshi suspect Maomao's origins are from the courtesan that Lakan "decreased the value of?" Does Jinshi have his own motives for wanting to decrease the value of a courtesan?

Jinshi is stunned, or perhaps horrified to realize what it might take to lower the value of a courtesan. It's a surreal conversation between these two. Maomao has to wonder why Jinshi is even asking the question. I can't think that she would believe Jinshi wants to use this method to decrease the value of a courtesan, but perhaps she thinks he might be interested in purchasing someone's contract? I don't know what Jinshi hopes to do with the info. Is this something he hopes to figure out to help him against Lakan? If he was hoping the answer would help him find a way to help Maomao, he now knows it's a method that he won't be willing to use. I really can't see him trying to take her purity or impregnate her. If those things were ever going to happen, he would want them to be out of mutual affection, which is still lightyears away.

I kept expecting this outing to be fun, and parts of it are, but there is so much that is undefined and unsaid between these two that there is an unsteady tension throughout the whole outing. Ultimately, the date fails to change any of it. Maomao does open up a bit about her father which is amazing. We so rarely see her talk about her life or her hopes or goals. Jinshi listens intently. And that is kind of the highlight of the day to me.

Obviously the final conversation about how to reduce the cost of a courtesan is important too. But without seeing the end of that conversation I can only guess what impact a question like that might have on these two's relationship. Because the implications of even asking the question aren't great, and I don't know where Maomao's mind is. What does she think Jinshi capable of? I tend to think she knows and trusts Jinshi pretty well, but when there is emotion involved her judgement gets all screwy.

And we haven't yet learned what Jinshi is up to. He wanted to come here in disguise for a reason. I assume he is trying to get information to help him against Lakan. At least, I hope that's what he's up to. Lakan is bad news.

To start at the beginning: Episode 1

Next Episode:

Episode 18

[dramionediscussion]

Can we talk about fic pet peeves?

I want to make it clear that this is not about a specific fic or author, but just some things I've seen in this fandom over the years. I've been reading Dramione for almost 15 years now and there are so many things that authors include that have become a pet peeve of mine.

This is not just exclusive to Dramione though, I have dabbled in other HP pairs before (e.g., Hansy, Theomione) and other fandoms (Gossip Girl, Elementary), and I have seen the same things there. I also have definitely come across some of these in published romance novels.

But this is a Dramione blog, so I will talk about them in context to this pairing.

Men being the cause of the breakup. So many times it's always Draco who messes up or says something horrible or doesn't "do enough". He is the one who has to repent and beg for forgiveness. Very rarely do you see a fic where Hermione is the one who is wrong and needs to apologize. And even when she does, it's always Draco who cuts her off and spins it around and makes him the bad guy who caused Hermione to be that way, and she doesn't actually have to work hard for forgiveness. Just a simple "I'm sorry" and he then says "no no, it's me....".

Having more than one conflict in a fic. Halfway through a story, the pair will have a major fight, which causes them to part. You then have a few chapters of them reflecting and then talking and making up. Then towards the last quarter of the fic, something comes up again and the characters react in the same way as before. You would think that they would have learned from the previous argument and not jump to conclusions and actually communicate. It feels like we are taking one step forward and 5 steps back. Why was this necessary? Why show your characters acting this way and show that they did not grow as people?

Focusing on so many other characters. I get that ensemble fics are a thing, but you need to say that in the beginning. You cannot just tag Draco and Hermione as the pairing, and then 5 chapters in, half the page is Harry and Ginny dialogue with no mention of the main pair. Let people know these things.

Speaking of other pairs, you need to tell your readers if you are gonna include scenes of Draco or Hermione having sex with other people. You need to tag these side pairings and say that we will read explicit scenes with Ron or Astoria or someone. We came for Draco and Hermione smut, not Ron or Pansy or Astoria or Viktor.

Since we are on the topic of tags. TAG ALL YOUR WARNINGS! So many times authors don't tag Rape/Non-Con!! Tag pregnancy difficulties, tag character deaths, tag the non-Dramione endings, tag violence, tag blood and gore, and tag any and all kink. Just tag things, it doesn't spoil the fic for people. Letting people know about things that may trigger them is not spoiling, it's human decency to let us know what your fic will entail.

Hermione's parents not being in the fic. Now I know Hermione sent her parents away before the war, but so many times you read about her not going back for them, not being able to retrieve their memory, then not wanting to be part of her life because of what she did. I understand it if this is a part of the fic, Hermione essentially grieving the loss of her parents. But what I have noticed is that most times author just have a throwaway line that her parents are not in her life, and it seems like it's not a big deal. Like oh well Hermione's mother is non-existent, but hey she has Molly now! Hermione's parents are not important in the HP canon, and it seems like authors feel the same, which is sad.

Molly being the matriarch of the trio. In canon, she kind of is because the stories are from Harry's perspective and he encounters the Weasleys and ingrains himself with their family, but she is always portrayed this way in fanfiction as well. As I mentioned in the previous comment, Hermione's mother isn't there so authors make Molly the mother figure for her, which is fine but authors make their relationship closer than what canon implies. But Draco also has a mother and most times we see Molly in the story more than Narcissa. I would assume that Narcissa would be the matriarch of that fic rather than Molly in a Dramione.

Harry and Ron being too involved in Hermione's life. Again this is fine, but it does get annoying to see fic after fic of them butting too much into her life and getting angry when she makes her own decisions. Friends should not try to control you, but guide and offer advice and be there if you fail.

Hermione not having friends outside of Harry and the Weasleys. I would assume that as they got older and got into the real world, they would meet new people and make new friends, not only stick to the same people they knew since they were 11. The Wizarding World is small, but we do have so many other characters in canon that you can use, it's okay to have Hermione become best friends with Padma, Luna, or Dean. You can have Draco even becoming bffs with Neville. He too is always stuck with Blaise or Theo and Pansy. Sometimes he doesn't have any friends and the fic only shows Hermione's friends.

If a fic starts off with Draco and Hermione having a relationship with another person, the breakup is always a bad one. People in real life have amicable breakups with their partners, it doesn't always have screaming and yelling and hatred. Most times this is used as a catalyst for the drama in a fic, but I would like to read a fic where Ron stays friends with Hermione and listens to her when she is talking about Draco, him offering advice or teasing her about a crush. It would be nice to see Astoria and Draco doing the same. And I say this as a huge "Ron Weasley Bashing" fan.

Hermione not knowing about fashion and makeup and having to rely on Ginny for help to get read for a date. Nowhere in canon does it claim that Hermione is like this, so how is this a common trope? I think this feeds into the "Hermione is not like other girls trope".

Hermione being the Brightest Witch of Her Age. In canon this is not a real thing, it is not an honorific that was bestowed on her by some sort of higher authority. It was something Harry and Remus said, it was their opinion. So having multiple people in a fic say this as though it is a proper title given to her annoys me honestly. Because when this happens, the fic always tends to have her being the only one who can solve the problem. So many people came before her and weren't able to do this particular thing, but Hermione somehow accomplished it without much help, with just a few books and at the ripe age of 24! These types of fics tend to have their characters fresh out of Hogwarts, so they are young but are able to become Heads of Departments! Can you imagine the 30/40-something-year-old who has been working for over 10/15 years in the ministry thinking it's only a matter of time before they get promoted to senior status, then suddenly this 20-year-old who just finished school walks in and gets the highest position without any experience or further education? I'd riot!

Draco not having a job. Many times fics have Hermione working hard in her career, but Draco is "in the family business" or "does investments". What does this mean???

Hermione being a virgin while Draco is the sex god. This trope feels sexist.

Hermione not doing anything muggle. This is similar to Harry in canon. It feels like Hermione forgot where she came from, and she doesn't care to go into the muggle world, or take Draco there.

Draco being obsessed with Hermione. Sometimes fics make his whole life revolve around her.

Luna being seen as weird. After all she has done and all she has shown to people that she is a smart, brave, very important friend to the trio, we still have scenes where Hermione and her friends make fun of Luna and her creatures. That is just rude.

This is all I can think of at the moment. I know this is a lot, but I kind of stopped reading fics for a while and as I managed Dramioneasks during this time, I would see new fics and just add them to my bookmarks. So I am now catching up on those fics and I feel like I am reading the same stuff over and over. Same tropes, same themes, same personalities, which is not a bad thing but it does give rise to pet peeves and thinking about older fics and how things haven't really changed over the last 15 years or so of my dramione life.

Again this is not from one fic or one author, but multiple fics and authors I have read over the years. Some of the fics I think are 5 stars have these pet peeves in them.

Do you guys agree with these? Do you have more to add? Leave them in the comments or send us a message. I would love to discuss and rant with you!

-Lisa

[thesunshineriptide]

-Slide across the floor- Hi~.  Can I ask, a Scenario with the dorm leaders with a shy, gentle and scared gn child MC who has a face full of scars and marks from a fatal accident, something similar to Sally Face, and mc wears a prosthesis face. Thanks for the attention, here have cookies and milk, you deserve.🥛🍪

What an incredibly specific ask. I admire that you know exactly what you want. Hopefully this can reach your expectations. I’m gonna be honest I managed to only graze the Sally Face fandom years ago on TikTok and I didn’t really know much about it before now because it seemed really unnerving to me. I’ve also never played the game, but I did read the wiki a bit and I think I have an idea of what you’re after. I also just picked a few dorm leaders because…it’s a lot of writing

Face the music

Characters: Riddle, Leona, Kalim, Malleus

Tw// body horror, medical talk, children, bullying, crying, low self esteem, rude comments on appearance, crying

Rating: R (potentially disturbing content ahead)

Every student in Night Raven College seemed to freeze upon the last of the students be sorted by the dark mirror. There stood a small child, absolutely drowning in ceremonial robes, standing before the dark mirror.

A child was a weird enough occurrence, but what really made everyone freeze was their face. Instead of skin, there sat a smooth white false face, similar to a Venetian masquerade mask. The eyes behind it seemed to glow with the shadows that deepened them.

“Remove your mask, child.” The dark mirror commanded, “I cannot see you properly. Your spirit shape is hidden from my gaze. Let your reflection be clear to me.”

As the child removed their mask, the dark cavern of the room filled with shocked gasps, then dead air.

“Ah yes, there you are, child. Now, let’s see…”

Riddle

Riddle has always had a soft spot for children, but he won’t like, the scarred face of the magicless child made him…unnerved. It was clear something was wrong with them, but he couldn’t quite manage to psych himself up enough to ask.

But they never seemed to mind, all in all. Even with the rude comment or occasional taunt, they always responded kindly from behind that mask, and never seemed to raise their voice or snap. They obeyed every order from their teachers, they did well in classes (how were they actually attending college? Clearly they were incredibly bright, or the teachers were giving them easier work) and they obeyed all 810 of the Queen’s laws when Riddle checked on them.

He often pulled them aside to have tea breaks with them, and never quite managed to relax whenever they pulled off their mask to eat a scone or tart.

“Little one, do your features bother you?” Escaped his lips before he could think twice, and he flushed bright red in embarrassment

“It doesn’t make life any easier.” Was the child’s reply, “I don’t like the way people flinch from me, if that’s what you mean.”

Riddle took a moment to think, staring deeply at them for a moment before reaching forward to remove the child’s mask carefully, placing it on the counter, “You won’t have to wear that around me anymore. And…”

He tilted his head to the side, surveying their face. It wasn’t nearly as bad as he had thought - it was mostly scarring, though their lips pulled back permanently to show their teeth, and there seemed to be a dent in their jaw.

“My parents are very prolific medical healers,” he began nervously, “If you’d like prosthetics more specific to your features, I’m sure my family has adequate contacts for that. But - ah, no pressure, of course.”

For months they had quiet, maskless tea parties. They talked of everything, from the Queen of hearts to cabbages and kings.

“Riddle? You mentioned a…a different prosthetic face. Is that…is that still something you would be willing to do for me?” The child looked at him with hopeful eyes from behind their teacup, taking a sip (pinkies out!)

Riddle nodded, “if that’s what you’d like, then yes.”

“I’d like that, please. If that’s okay.”

Riddles smile softened and nodded. It was a good reason to deal with his parents, wasn’t it?

Leona

Let’s be clear, Leona hates kids. Like a lot. And…okay, you don’t exactly have cuteness going for you.

It takes the magicless child confidently walking up to him and taking his hand while he’s overblotted before he acknowledges their existence. It’s also that one action that snaps him out of it.

He watched as their skin cracks from the dryness and heat, yet they down let him go. Instead, they lower his mask and stare at him with teary eyes, begging him to come back.

He let the blot leave him then, because even if he didn’t like the kid - he couldn’t bring himself to hate them, either.

He starts seeing them around Savanaclaw more, always with Jack or Ruggie and doing something like running or helping with chores or sometimes just resting. It seems the more they’re around, the less they wear the mask.

It makes sense to the beastmen that they wouldn’t. Their face is painted with battle scars, and they’re relaxed and at home in a sense here. Masks are only used for fighting, but everyone readily accepts their scarring.

Leona’s in the lounge, playing chess by his lonesome again, when the child walks up to him.

“Housewarden Leona? Can I play with you?”

He raised an eyebrow and said nothing, instead jerking his head to the other side of the chess board.

They played in silence, and the kid could really hold their own. Not against Leona, of course, he’s had many years of practice, but even when he wins the child just smiles and thanks him for letting them play.

It’s another instance when Leona’s wandering around after one of his catnaps that he sees The Kid, Ruggie, Kalim, and Rook all sitting on the ground in the courtyard in front of the school, with pots or paint and brushes out. He sees the kid without their mask, laughing with the group as he slinks his way over.

He peeks over Kalim’s shoulder to find the group doing arts and crafts. Specifically, Rook and Ruggie are painting the kid’s mask, while Kalim is painting his face with silvery-white and deep kohl black paints in intricate designs.

Ruggie and Rook are painting a design on the mask, one that Leona recognizes as a symbol of strength. The left half is the face of a lion, in sienna orange and black, and the other half appears to be random doodles that he imagines were done by the kid themself.

When The Kid looks up at him and smiles, and Kalim turns to do the same, he thinks he might hack up a hairball from all the sweetness.

“Oi, Little Warrior, how come you didn’t invite me to do arts and crafts?” He plops down behind the kid, pulling them into his lap as he begins to do their hair in intricate braids.

Kalim

Kalim isn’t shocked because he finds the child’s face disturbing or anything of that sort - he’s shocked because clearly someone did something. Those aren’t the kind of scars you’re born with, they’re the ones you gain from harm.

Instantly, he claims the kid as his, and it’s no surprise. They’re practically two peas in a pod. They’re both sweet and have a gentle disposition, they both love playing, and they both have childlike wonder that persevered from bad experiences.

They honestly might be the only two to properly get each other - sure, plenty of other people at NRC have had trauma, but it’s different when it was an attempt to kill you. So when the child informs Kalim of what happened, he instantly understands and empathizes. He was poisoned a couple times when he was younger, he gets it. It sucks, doesn’t it?

He’s honestly rather oblivious to whether or not the kid is wearing their mask, because it almost seems like he’s seeing through them.

One day magicless student asked Kalim about his kohl and his henna tattoos. Kalim was instantly overjoyed and called over Jamil because oh my seven, Jamil’s henna skills are amazing, you should let him do some on you, it’s awesome!

Kalim himself offers doesn’t even ask, just starts doing it to do kohl on them. The kid doesnt seem to mind, instead just holding still with a little smile as the two work on dolling them up.

It’s a few months in before Kalim realizes just how unnerved and upset other students are around the child. Whispers of how creepy is that kid, always wearing a mask… don’t you remember orientation? That scarring haunts my dreams. Kalim has zero patience for that and immediately says what’s on his mind before he can think too clear.

When you just shrug it off and take his hand to tug him to the cafeteria, he’s confused. He doesn’t want people being mean to him, you’re his little friend! Why are you stopping him? When you just say “I understand their feelings, it’s okay.” His heart breaks in two and he almost starts crying. He holds it together though, instead just scooping you up to carry you off to the cafeteria to eat.

Speaking of, Kalim is excellent because when you’re too nervous to ask for something, he’s always there to ask for you! If you can’t reach something, he’s got it! And if you ever wanna go and dance in the rain and the sands, he’s more than happy to grant your wish. Just call him your personal genie.

Malleus

Malleus wasn’t at orientation. He had no idea of what was going on until Lilia brought in a small human-looking creature that was almost completely still in his arms, and wearing a eggshell white mask.

“Lilia? Have you found a rather large doll?”

When the little human begins to laugh and starts moving, he’s actually a little surprised. He suspected that whatever was in Lilia’s arms was sentient, but hadn’t realized it was actually human.

Lilia takes care of the beastie most, to Malleus’s disappoint and relief. For whatever reason, the child seems to agitate Sebek to no end, and the Diasomnia members part for them in the same manner they do for Malleus.

Ah, yes, he understands. Fear. The students are afraid of a child, for what? Simply wearing a mask?

It’s late one night and he can’t seem to find sleep, or perhaps it can’t find him. He decides to get up and check on everyone to make sure they’re sleeping fine before he heads out to wander the school grounds near that ramshackle dorm. He cracks open everyone’s door, peeking in at Sebek and Silver, sleeping soundly, looking through Lilia’s doorway to find him gaming into the wee hours of the morning with a fond smile, then finally to the little cubby beneath the stairs to check on the tiny human.

He had never seen their face before, and nearly recoils at the sight. There laid the tiny, bright, kind, gentle little beastie they had taken in, sleeping soundly, with a disfigured face. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of aching and anger. He reached down, gently stroking along the scar crossing from jaw to cheekbone across their face, frowning. What could be the cause? Who had done this?

But those thoughts left his mind when the child of man nuzzled their way into his grasp, letting out a soft little sigh, still asleep.

He didn’t leave for a walk that night, instead he kept guard over you. If something like this could happen before he knew you, who was to say it couldn’t happen again now?

Malleus is probably the gentlest of the group, every hug with the softest pressure, every pat on the hair a feather light touch. He remembers how fragile humans are every time he sees the beastie, the memory of the night he discovered your face burned behind his Eyelids.

The faerie prince cherishes every moment with this human, the awareness of every moment passing and how fast time is making him savor every second.

He finds you crying, once, at a mirror. When he asks what’s wrong and you answer “I’m ugly” he’s distraught. He doesn’t want you to feel that way - he cherishes you, don’t you know that, child of man? - but he knows he could make it go away.

“Child, if you desire, I could…I could change your appearance. Perhaps not forever, but if you wish for it, I can make it so. While I don’t see anything wrong with your looks, I can understand if you are…unsatisfied with them. But to me, child of man, I find you quite adorable.”

He holds you firmly when you spin around to hug him, sobbing into his dorm uniform, shaking with your cries. He rubs your back and stays there, silent, for as long as you need.

“Thank you, Hornton, I’ll think about it. You’re the bestest friend ever.”

He smiles at you, something soft for your eyes only. This is disrupted when Lilia announces that dinner is almost ready, though, and he quickly changes tactics to getting you the hell out of there so Lilia doesn’t poison you.

[bluesylveon2]

Omg!! Thank you so much for sharing your art with us <3 I would like to request Levihan, prompt 05 <3 thank you beautiful human

Hi anon! Sorry for the wait but it is here! First, let me apologize that it has been a year since I wrote Levihan, so the characters may be oc. I tried to capture how they were when I was into Levihan tho. I hope you like it!

Prompt 05.  I’m a pro-athlete at a press conference and I make a comment to my buddy about you because I forgot my mic was on

Note: Modern au (Winter Olympics), fluff, potential for something more, fem Hange

Word count: 1k

Warning: not beta read, possible OC characters, and idk much about the Olympics besides what is on TV/TikTok

The infamous Ackerman siblings. Levi and Mikasa Ackerman, also known as the Monster Siblings, due to their "awakened" abilities the moment their blades touch the ice. 

Two of the greatest Olympic skaters in this generation with a gold medal in ice dancing during their debut year. They even had more medals under their belt from other events.  

Levi Ackerman was used to the attention. The lights and cameras took some getting used to at first. Now, seven years later, Levi could care less about them before their third Winter Olympics. 

The same applied to his little sister, Mikasa, who typically kept a stoic face on camera except when she won. Of course, this meant the world had nothing better to do than get into the sibling's business. Especially now, after their recent win and the gold medals to prove it is shining around their necks. 

"Question for Levi, when are you thinking about retiring?"

Levi's face remained stoic, but he wanted to groan in annoyance. Luckily, for Mikasa's sake, he refrained from it. "Not thinking about it. Next question."

The reporter looked away and turned to Mikasa to address it. Mikasa smiled before rambling on about whatever her answer was. Levi leaned back and internally thanked his sister before letting his eyes wander through the crowd.

There was a tall guy with a horse-like face, another guy with the ugliest bowl cut Levi had ever seen, and a woman eating a plain potato.

Seriously, who let her in her? Levi grimaced as the crumbs fell on the floor. He mentally made a note to increase security for the next press conference and clean that up later. Levi's eyes wandered some more as Mikasa continued about today's performance.

There was a very tall guy with blond hair covering his eyes, a woman with short banana-blonde hair, and another woman. who had-

"The most shittiest glasses I have ever seen."

Many eyes turned to face Levi, including the woman who had the supposed "shitty glasses." His eyes widened slightly as the woman's eyes met his. The woman was not the only person wearing glasses, but her oval-shaped glasses stood out to him for some reason. They were due for a cleaning, too, and Levi had to stop himself from wiping it with his handkerchief. Instead, Levi mentally prepared herself to face the stranger's wrath but was met by the woman grinning wildly. Meanwhile, Mikasa turned to see who her brother was looking at and the woman, connecting two and two together. She cleared her throat and spoke into the mic.

"What my brother means is that everyone here has nice glasses. He has a shitty way of expressing it." She said with a closed-eyed smile. Despite his sister not looking angry, Levi could sense it from where he sat. 

Levi sighed and took a sip of his earl grey tea nearby. 

This was going to be a long day.

---

Hange scribbled down her notes gleefully as she reflected on her day. First, her puppies, Sawney and Bean, were the most absolute angels she had ever met. Then she met up with her co-workers to head to the Olympics. Finally, she was noticed by Levi Ackerman. The most famous ice skater of the century! Sure, she was noticed in an abnormal way, but Hange did not mind. Her favorite celebrity acknowledged her, and it could not get any better than that.

"We are going to head out, Hange," Erwin said, and Hange smiled.

"I'm just finishing up, so you can go ahead. See you tomorrow!"

"See you tomorrow!" Nanaba replied, and Mike nodded before leaving. 

The center hall was silent, minus a few voices around here and there. Hange was on her last note when she heard footsteps heading closer in her direction.

"Oi, Shitty Glasses."

Hange could not hide her smile, practically ignoring his insult. "Levi! Nice to meet you! My name is Hange. Do you need something?" 

Levi shuffled around awkwardly like he was contemplating what to say. "I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I should not have said that for the cameras to hear."

Hange laughed loudly. "It's alright. I was not offended. I was happy that you acknowledged me, though. You are one of my favorite athletes in the Games."

Levi's mouth curled up slightly. "Thanks. I appreciate that. Just don't let my sister know, or else she might do something about it."

Hange moved her fingers along her mouth and threw the imaginary zipper to the ground. "Don't worry, that will be safe with me."

"Thanks. There is something I want to do before I head back to the Village."

"What's that?"

Levi held his hand out. "Hand me your glasses."

"Okay…" Hange replied in confusion as she fulfilled Levi's request. She watched Levi pull a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wipe it along her lenses. Hange heard rumors of Levi being a clean freak, but seeing it in person amazed her. Levi meticulously cleaned and often held it to the light to ensure no dust remained. He returned the glasses back to her once he was satisfied. 

"Here. Make sure you maintain it, or else you won't be able to see."

"Thanks, Levi." Hange placed the glasses back on her, and her eyes widened in amazement. "Woah! Everything looks so much clearer now! It's like those commercials!"

Levi's smile grew a millimeter bigger. "Don't sing the song. But I have a question to ask before I go."

"Shoot."

"I have a free skate coming up. You can watch it if you want as an apology for earlier. I can even set you up with seats that are close by. You will just be sitting with my sister."

Hange grinned from ear to ear. "YES, YES, I WILL DO THAT!"

"Good." Levi dug inside his pocket again and handed Hange a slip of paper. "Here is my number. Just text me later, and I can send you the details."

Hange grabbed the paper and stuffed it in her purse. "Thanks, Levi." She glanced at her watch and shot Levi an apologetic look. "I need to get home to check on my pups. See you later, Levi!" Hange yelled as she ran off and waved goodbye.

Levi only waved back as he watched her move farther away, his heart beating a mile a minute for some reason. "See you later, Hange."

Disclaimer:Attack on Titan is a manga/anime series written by Hajime Isayama and published by Kondasha.

©: These stories belongs to bluesylveon2 2020-23. DO NOT modify, republish, or plagiarize my work.

[stillsimpingforaymeric]

Kaidan Alenko and the importance of visual storytelling

(Since this post was unable to appear in searches on my old blog, simpingforaymeric, I have chosen to repost it here on my new one)

1. Introduction

One of the most prominent criticisms leveled against the character of Mass Effect’s Kaidan Alenko is that he is, in a word, boring. It’s a comment that seemed confusing after first playing the game and falling almost immediately in love with the character, but gaining some distance after ten years and playing the games more critically than before, starts to make more and more sense.

Don’t get me wrong - Kaidan Alenko is perhaps my most favorite character across all Bioware games. He is by far the one I relate to the most. The following… experiment? Thesis? Elaborate soap box? Is therefore not meant to convince anyone that, Actually, He Is Boring, or even criticize the character of Kaidan Alenko in that sense, but aims to explain why “boring” is the gut reaction of so many (often slightly more casual) players. I want to propose a theory of what issues there are, why they appear across all three games and finally propose a range of edits and changes that might alleviate them. And when I say changes, I in no way mean to change anything about the character of Kaidan Alenko - but to change how that character is communicated to the audience. 

I will preface this by saying that this post is roughly ten years in the making and does not reflect just my own personal observations, but relevant input from other fans across social media, from the BSN, to twitter, to tumblr. Many of these people have moved on, many of them have changed blog names so often it is simply impossible for me to look them up. So while I can no longer source any person in particular for any specific observation, I still want to make clear that this is the result of many thoughtful and insightful posts from many thoughtful and insightful people over a span of years. I have no intention of taking the credit for myself, I am just trying to bring it all together in one project. Once we get to the “How to fix it” part, I will only discuss the ideas that I’ve come up with myself over the past few weeks of replaying the trilogy. 

If a post like this already exists and is already in circulation, please let me know. I have not been active in the fandom for some years and would be very interested if anyone has done a write up similar to mine before. 

Also, this will likely include spoilers for most titles in the Dragon Age and Mass Effect game franchises (not books, or comics, though), so if you haven’t quite finished Inquisition, ME3, or any other game, you may want to hold off on reading this. 

You may also want to hold off on reading this because it’s honest to God 19 pages long. I like this character a normal amount. 

2. The core issues

If there is a thesis statement to this, it is that Kaidan Alenko sounds like an incredibly interesting, multifaceted, uniquely skilled and powerful character who you never see fully represented on screen. My own particular love of Kaidan comes, if I am honest, less from the cutscenes the game actually puts him in and can instead quite often be traced back to deep analysis of dialogue, codex entries and tracing and connecting implications of the two. 

To give a concrete example, I know for a fact that Kaidan Alenko is a very powerful biotic. Most companions in the first game can remark upon this fact and all of them seem impressed. His powers don’t just contribute to an ambiguous Coolness Factor, though. They also impact his personality significantly. They weigh heavy on his conscience, something we learn when he states in early ME1 party banter that he has been deliberately holding himself back for fear of hurting someone. He learned the hard way that his powers are a massive responsibility when he accidentally killed Commander Vyrnnus, something he confesses to you in one of his more powerful conversations in the first game. It’s also a physical burden as we hear from Dr. Chakwas that he suffers from chronic migraines. On top of that, his unique power and his suffering both come from the L2 implant he wears, an outdated model that is considered dangerous. Kaidan has debilitating migraines, but he is one of the luckier ones; other children suffered anything ranging from severe mental disabilities to fatal brain tumors. During the timeline of ME1 there is a serious legal battle raging in the background, of the surviving L2 biotics trying to get reparations for what was done to them. And finally, he is one of the first human biotics to even exist, wearing only the second generation of implants that allow him access to manipulating dark energy. Human biotics are essentially space mages and are socially ostracized and feared by much of humanity. 

It’s safe to say that the entire character of Kaidan Alenko hinges on his biotics. His abilities are a fundamental part of him. They have shaped his personality, his ethical code and his sense of personal identity. Kaidan Alenko as a character simply does not make sense without his biotic abilities. 

The problem is that you can count the amount of times Kaidan Alenko, one of the most powerful human biotics in the alliance military, actually uses his biotic abilities, on one hand. In fact, you can count them on one finger, because there is exactly one scene  - a very simple, not particularly impressive use of Throw on two random goons in the Citadel DLC. Not only is this cutscene not particularly reflective of Kaidan’s extensive ability, it only happens for people who have already locked in his romance and therefore made the game prioritize him. The specific scene could theoretically happen with most other characters. That means anyone who isn’t already completely and entirely sold on the character of Kaidan Alenko, to the extent that they ship their personal OC with him, will likely never see this. I’ll get into why he doesn’t have those scenes a little later. 

You can extrapolate this basic issue for most of the other fundamental cornerstones of his character: 

Kaidan’s morality is strongly rooted in the concept of Paragon, that is to say, he is not an “ends justify the means” kind of guy. He will often try and resolve things peacefully, like when he talks down his fellow L2 biotics from committing homicide during UNC: Hostage in ME1. But because of how the game’s companion system works, Kaidan is never afforded the ability to do more than politely disagree with a renegade Shepard who happily commits war crimes. Voluntarily leaving the squad, as companions in a Dragon Age game might, is simply not on the table. In fact, his personality is so malleable in the first game that it takes one conversation to turn him into more of a renegade and, by proxy, a xenophobe. This option likely exists to ensure that players of a renegade Shepard have a choice in surrounding themselves with companions that do not fundamentally disagree with their ethics and choices, but it significantly weakens a character we are told values integrity. 

Kaidan is an officer. He held the rank of Staff Lieutenant with over a dozen special commendations in ME1, putting him barely one rung below Shepard. The reason Shepard’s initiating dialogue is “Just trying to get a sense of where the crew’s at. Thoughts?” is that Kaidan handles staffing issues and is for all intents and purposes in charge of the marine detail of the Normandy. This simply does not come up. The only thing that is even peripherally mentioned is that Kaidan was the one who recommended getting Ashley Williams on board after Eden Prime. By ME2, he is Staff Commander and outranks Shepard. By ME3, he’s a Major, which is equivalent to the rank of Captain that Anderson held in the first game. As a Major, Kaidan was specifically put in charge of a spec ops team of human biotics. We will never meet them, never see Kaidan commanding them or even talking to them. Never be able to reflect in any way how this changed or affected Kaidan, who was himself abused in an alliance military project under a bad teacher. The game sometimes even forgets that he holds a significant rank at all and will generally consider Shepard to be his superior officer. And I haven’t even gotten into the Spectre stuff.

Kaidan is a chronic pain patient. You will never see him actively suffer the effects, unless we count an idle animation in the first game.  Kaidan values self-control. He will never be put into a position where that self-control is tested and he either overcomes or lets loose. Or, at the very least, highly emotional scenes that could tempt his self-control, simply don’t.

3. The importance of visual impact 

Kaidan Alenko is a very interesting character. On paper. Anyone who doesn’t spend the extra effort reading codex entries, reading character meta on tumblr and investing a considerable amount of time into wrapping their head around the particulars of his character will likely miss a great deal of his personality, because it’s just not on the screen. It used to be my instinct to argue that, well, reading codex entries is important and putting in a little effort to understand a character is fine and dandy. Anyone who isn’t doing that is simply cheating themselves out of appreciating some wonderful fictional guys. And in some cases, I think it is generally fair that not every aspect of a character need be spoon fed to the player. Fans engaging with the text, rather than passively observing it, is a natural part of media consumption.

However, I have to admit that at the end of the day, video games are a visual medium. Furthermore, the old adage of “show, don’t tell”, still applies. And when a character is fundamentally underrepresented, when even the most basic, core concepts of a character are simply missing from the screen, then I can no longer fault anyone for not immediately connecting to a character who is for all intents and purposes absent.

If you are having trouble wrapping your head around the importance of visual input in video games, let’s contrast Kaidan’s lack with other characters’ plenty.

If you don’t think showing Kaidan’s biotics would contribute much, then think about how Samara’s biotics are serene, precise, beautiful. Picture her sitting on the Normandy carefully meditating, shaping a perfect, beautiful little galaxy between her hands. Now contrast it with Jack, violently and impulsively ripping through three heavy mechs to escape her prison. Biotics aren’t just technically something these characters are capable of - their personalities are reflected in what situations they use them in, how they use them and what they look like. 

If you don’t think it matters if a character is afforded an opportunity to show a strong sense of morality, then think about how most companions in Dragon Age do not follow blindly, how big choices like templars vs. mages can cost you the loyalty of one or more companions, if you didn’t invest enough time into forming strong relationships with them. Think about how even in a romance, even at 100% approval, Alistair will leave the party if you choose to spare Loghain. How he will never even consider making that choice if he is put up for that final duel at the Landsmeet. Sure, you can toughen him up a little, you can give him a different outlook and in so doing have some impact on his potential epilogues, but the player is never afforded the opportunity to fundamentally change him. If Alistair leaves, it’s not just a codex entry or a mention on the side. He will confront you and he will walk out on you. 

If you don’t think seeing Kaidan in command of his troops is important, then think about how Cullen’s leadership in Inquisition is reflected on screen. How, at the temple of sacred ashes, in one of the very first cutscenes you may meet him in, he is shown carrying his own wounded soldier off the battlefield. How he is present in some way for almost every major battle in the game. In practice Cullen is stuck behind a desk for most of the game so the player can talk to him, but you don’t feel like he is a passive observer. You know that when battle rages, Cullen leads from the front because you have seen that happening consistently throughout the story. 

I could even be more concrete and talk about how much Jack manages to develop as a character when you see her interacting with her own gaggle of biotic students in her very own mission. How much care is being depicted in how fiercely she protects those she has come to view as “her own”.

If you don’t think it might be relevant to see Kaidan suffer the migraines we’re told about, think about the gut reaction you have when you see a character like Cullen double over in pain at his desk, how he breaks down, visibly shaking in front of you when he is overwhelmed with the debilitating effects of his condition.

And if you don’t think seeing self-control depicted on screen would be all that impactful, think about how you reacted when you first watched Anders visibly fight to control his power. How his own anger, his own suffering cause him to struggle with his abilities, blue light literally pouring through the cracks in his veneer.  You cannot adapt any of the above mentioned scenes 1:1 to Kaidan. He has neither the perfect asari control of the centuries old Samara, nor do I think he has quite the raw power of a royally pissed off Jack. Kaidan is not afforded the opportunity to walk out on Shepard due to how companions work in the trilogy. Kaidan is not in charge of a whole army like Cullen, nor is he likely ridden with trauma quite as intensely as him, since his pain manifests differently and there are modern treatments available to him. He’s not literally possessed by a spirit, like Anders. But all these characters showcase the potential of how a character can impact an audience. They show what can be visually communicated, when care and resources are spent on portraying a character on screen, rather than purely through dialogue and world building.

4. How did we get here

I promised earlier I’d circle back around to the why of it. For all three games, the causes are slightly different and often the result of what I generally call gameplay or story “technicalities”. That is to say, certain aspects of the game or story are simply constructed in such a way that they do not afford Kaidan (and often by proxy, Ashley) the opportunity to do much of significance, if they get to act at all.

I’ve already mentioned how Kaidan’s morality is entirely malleable in the first game based on a mechanic that has less to do with strong characterization and more to do with affording the player the ability to essentially customize their squad. The same applies to Ashley - though I reckon we see her conversation as a little less glaring since turning Ash into more of a paragon generally aligns her morally more closely with most players, while very few people are likely to enjoy turning Kaidan into a raging xenophobe. 

The first game offers up little opportunity for Kaidan to display either his biotics or his position as Staff Lieutenant of the Normandy. The latter is easier to explain - the marine detail of the Normandy are just NPCs. They aren’t relevant to the story in any meaningful way, so leading them isn’t a particularly relevant job for Kaidan to be doing. In theory it’s incredibly important to keep an entire detail of soldiers in line, especially when the CO decides to mutiny three quarters through the story, but the plot is driven by Shepard and the squadmates, not the marines of the Normandy. Therefore, there is no real opportunity to showcase Kaidan’s abilities as a leader of soldiers. 

The first is a bit more difficult to explain and seems to me like plain oversight. Kaidan doesn’t actually have any character introduction scene. The scene where we first meet him on the Normandy is not his introduction, it’s Joker’s. Joker is being characterized as our snarky, cynical pilot - Kaidan is just the person he is being contrasted against. Every other character on the Normandy has a strong introductory scene. Ashley is seen fleeing the geth, before we see her determinedly reload her rifle and turn back to enact some good old fashioned vengeance. Garrus is first seen arguing with his boss, marking him as a not-by-the-book kind of cop, then established as a crack shot by resolving a hostage crisis with a single precise shot of his pistol. Tali is seen negotiating with shady dealers, shown to be self-sufficient and clever enough to know something is up, characterizing her as intelligent and resourceful. Wrex is hilariously unintimidated by the space cops on the Citadel and thus presented as a certified badass. Finally, Liara is our traditional damsel in distress. And Kaidan… well. Nothing. There isn’t a Kaidan-specific scene in the first game. 

At a guess, Kaidan might have played a bigger role in the cut segments on Eden Prime. For those not in the know, dialogue from the game files indicates that the Eden Prime level used to be longer (look for DanaDuchy’s “party banter” video on youtube and start from around 28 minutes. I had it linked originally, but it seems it prevented this post from showing up). Maybe there was a cutscene somewhere here that introduced new players to the concept of biotics in general and Kaidan’s abilities in particular that eventually ended up on the cutting room floor when the Eden Prime level was shortened. Maybe it’s just a general oversight and it truly never hit anyone that a) new players to the universe might want a crash course in what the heck is up with that space magic thing or b) players might need a strong, effective cutscene establishing Kaidan as a character. 

(Incidentally, that cut dialogue from Eden Prime also states that Kaidan was originally intended to be vegetarian, which is, if nothing else, damn funny in hindsight.)

In ME2 the issue can be summed up summarily as “missing out on content”. Kaidan isn’t really afforded any space to act in the story. The one brief moment of involvement he has in the plot - Horizon - is once again reduced to mere dialogue. The one scripted cutscene he has, he shares with Ashley, in which both are fruitlessly shooting at a swarm of insects, trying to protect colonists, but are immediately and forcefully removed from the plot via convenient sedatives. They only return for yet another dialogue-heavy segment, which a lot of people dislike for understandable reasons, but is to me one of the few moments in which the characters display a firm moral stance. I might hate the scene because I hate Shepard and Kaidan fighting and the dialogue itself leaves a bit to be desired, but I like it in the sense that it provides decent characterization by making both Virmire Survivors stand their ground, even against someone they respect or possibly love. 

To make things worse, thanks to the loyalty mission concept, ME2 was actually the game that best handled its character driven storytelling. Every squadmate is afforded the care and resources of a completely unique mission that tells us something important about them and provides ample characterization through their motivations for the mission as well as its outcome. Liara manages to circumvent the problem of not being there for those loyalty missions by getting her own story-driven DLC, which pushes forward her character development and resolves the lingering tension between her and Shepard, whether in a platonic or romantic sense. Kaidan and Ashley are not afforded the same opportunity. 

Some people have pointed out that it is a positive thing, that Kaidan and Ashley do not need a loyalty mission, that their loyalty is gained organically and through actions throughout the trilogy rather than in one specifically scripted mission. I agree with that interpretation, but it does gloss over the fact that loyalty missions are not just a sign that a character is struggling and needs or wants something from Shepard, but an opportunity to spend time with a character on a mission tailored completely to them. Resources and time are dedicated to their portrayal and in so doing communicate what the character is all about to the audience. And Kaidan and Ashley lacking that kind of content is not a net positive. 

In ME3, the preceding issues are not addressed and compounded by new decisions. The lack of a strong, initial cutscene remains unsolved. Kaidan’s introduction in 3 is short and dialogue-heavy, before he is once again forcefully removed from the plot, so Shepard and Anderson can shoot their way through the combat tutorial. When he reappears to effectively save Shepard with the Normandy, he doesn’t do much more than fire a standard assault rifle at a bunch of husks. He briefly returns for the segment on Mars, where the dialogue begins to meaningfully address the tension that was resolved for Liara in the preceding game, but he is then forcefully removed from the plot a third time, getting punched straight into hospital. Even the Citadel standoff, one of the few scenes the VS gets with some general plot-relevance, is undercut by the fact that it has to accommodate both Kaidan and Ashley - two characters who are very different. This is where the problem with the biotics really kicks off.

You see, the reason Kaidan is never using his biotics prominently during cutscenes is because he shares a majority of his cutscenes with Ashley, who isn’t a biotic. Outside of the few romance and friendship scenes, such as the Citadel dates, cutscenes for the Virmire Survivor have to accommodate two characters who are fundamentally different. Ashley is more renegade, Kaidan is more paragon, Kaidan has biotic abilities, Ashley does not. Their personalities and skills are almost at opposite ends of a spectrum, but because any one player of the series will only ever be able to keep one of them alive, fewer resources seem to have been spent on each character individually and their biggest, most important scenes have to operate on an ambiguous middle ground. Ashley is impulsive, a renegade and only has her gun at her disposal, so if Shepard hesitates to shoot Udina during the Citadel standoff, Ashley will shoot him for them, same as she did with Wrex in the first game. For her, this is a fine scene. But Kaidan in contrast is supposed to be calm and controlled, has a strong paragon personality and a range of abilities at his disposal. If the cutscene reflected him truthfully, this scene could diverge significantly for Kaidan. He might choose not to kill Udina and instead wrap him in a stasis field, both to spare his life and so he can be interrogated. These are options Ashley does not have, so the cutscene can’t go there.

In general ME3 gave me the distinct feeling that a majority of cutscenes are written with Ashley in mind first and then dialogue is adapted for Kaidan. Liara’s comment about the Virmire Survivor becoming “very capable” makes some sense for Ashley, who started out as gunnery chief and was new to serving aboard a ship, alongside aliens and operating in deep space. Ashley was a bit of a rookie in some sense. Kaidan starts the series as an officer, already in charge of a significant number of soldiers. He already had over a dozen special commendations. I’m certainly not offended on behalf of the character, but this commentary doesn’t make sense unless you ignore everything the world building and codex establishes about Kaidan and just see him as any other soldier, some kind of raw recruit who was looking up to Shepard. Instead, it is Shepard who is afforded several opportunities to ask Kaidan, three years their senior, for advice on both tactics and politics in the first game - and Kaidan who looks out for Shepard in turn. Liara’s commentary is simply not reflective of Kaidan’s role in the story up to this point, or his relationship with Shepard. 

His role as Major is undercut on several occasions. After the Citadel standoff, the game briefly forgets that Kaidan outranks Shepard by now, as Joker complains that Kaidan “almost shot a superior officer”. His leadership of the spec ops squad is mentioned and party banter even indicates he finds at least one squad during the game, but we will never meet them. This time I really don’t understand it. I can easily see that you can’t rewrite the entire structure of ME1 to give the marine detail of the Normandy a more active role to play in the story just to better reflect Kaidan’s rank - but I honestly don’t know why there isn’t even a small cutscene involving Kaidan in the Normady’s communications center just talking to his spec ops squad. It’s a huge wasted opportunity to not put names and faces to his students (like we do for Jack). If we don’t have the time or money for a full loyalty mission (which at this point may be sorely needed) that’s one thing. But to choose to ignore the one, cool new thing that is unique to Kaidan, to not spend five minutes on exploring that aspect of his character? It feels like such an obvious problem in hindsight.

His chronic pain barely comes up, which again just feels a bit odd. If you ask me, ME3 is the perfect opportunity to showcase some vulnerability, to display your companions cracking under the pressure of the end of the world. The game does that quite admirably with Shepard, in fact. It doesn’t have to be a scene where he breaks down the way Cullen does, but it wouldn’t take that much to show some of the facade starting to crack. 

You can easily add the issue of self-control to that. It might have been interesting for Kaidan to be put into a situation where that self-control could be on display, where a difficult decision might make or break him. It could intensify his romance, to really portray the emotional difficulty of finally reuniting with the person he watched die after two long years.  

If you ever catch me complaining about the date at Apollo’s or even the scene in the Citadel DLC, this is why. I don’t hate the idea of Kaidan cracking jokes about his Canadian-ness or his fondness for steak and beer. It’s that these are the things the game chooses to spend time on, to spend money on, when the more fundamental parts of his character are left either entirely on the cutting room floor or restricted to off-handed mentions. There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with having a cutesy home cooked dinner scene. I could and would even argue for the fact that this kind of normalcy is a great contrast for a character who didn’t have much normalcy in his life. What bugs me about it is the knowledge that money and time were devoted to a custom beer clink animation when the character of Kaidan Alenko, after several years of game development and an entire trilogy, does not have a single cutscene where he prominently displays the extent of his biotic abilities. What bugs me is that the lighthearted and fun stuff ends up taking precedence over the deeper, more meaningful cornerstones of his character, rather than flesh out the strong foundation that could already be there. 

Even the fans who really enjoy Kaidan in ME3 seem to be at least tacitly aware that Canadian in-jokes and memes about Kaidan’s fondness for steak and beer feel like a little much. They don’t technically take up that much time - it’s only two cutscenes - but because the character lacks so much on every other front, they become overwhelming. They don’t become a cute contrast of normalcy to a character who has lived a life that was anything but - they become the fundamental cornerstones of his character. They become the thing that people take away from the story. They displace and overshadow everything else that was not prominently featured on screen. And even those of us who have dissected his character to hell and back, who know that a strong foundation is there if you dig deep enough into every codex entry, every smidgeon of dialogue - even we are not immune to the impact of visual storytelling. And even we can end up feeling like there’s a bit too much memeing about Canada, too many discussions of steak and flavors of alcohol. 

In the end - what about Kaidan was visually presented on the screen?

That he’ll spend a disconcerting amount of time aimlessly shooting at insects. That he’ll shoot Udina if you won’t. That he really likes steak and alcohol. Anything else, we just don’t see.

If you take all of this together, is it any wonder the main takeaway from a more casual observer is that Kaidan is some relatively uninteresting, painfully average kind of guy?

5. So what?

It’s one thing to identify the issues and even how we got to those issues, but another thing entirely to provide actual, constructive feedback on how to do things better. So I want to spend the next and longest part of this cry for help thought excercise by finding ways to address the issues identified earlier. I’ve already alluded to a few ideas but I want to bring some structure into it. 

As such, I want to outline a script, an editor’s note of the existing franchise. I want to brainstorm some basic ideas for cutscenes and interactions that untangle Kaidan from Ashley, that give Kaidan a bit of a space to breathe and develop as a character and in so doing, create better contrast for Ashley, making the choice between the two seem a bit more meaningful. 

What I want to avoid is airing my own personal grievances with the way Kaidan was portrayed in ME3. I do not intend to win any arguments over who the “real” Kaidan is. Kaidan is a fictional character who was originally conceived by one writer and then adapted for the third game by another. Small inconsistencies, differences in creative decisions and focus are often unavoidable, so I am uninterested in fostering some kind of bizarre fan civil war. Some people prefer Kaidan in ME3. Some people prefer Kaidan in ME1. I cannot objectively prove which version of the character is better - some fans might never even have felt a tangible difference - so I won’t. And I won’t try and change anything about ME3’s Kaidan that I believe to be my entirely subjective preferences, or result from the kind of differences in style of writing that are inevitable under a new character writer. 

Instead, I aim to limit myself to critiquing only those scenes which I believe don’t so much portray Kaidan as “ooc”, because that can mean something different to every single person, but instead simply fail to portray him at all. The scenes that do not provide strong characterization either way, the scenes where I feel like time and money could have been allocated more wisely. I will try and explain my reasoning for why these scenes are often not bad, but achieve less than they could. 

I also limit myself in what can feasibly be displayed on screen, if we consider that games are made under time and budget constraints. I will not do anything that would require large rewrites of any of the games. I will try to achieve as much as possible with as little as possible and won’t replace quiet, dialogue-heavy scenes with busy, animation-heavy scenes. I will try to think as a game dev and writer might, with the caveat that a) I am not actually in game dev and might over- or underestimate certain issues and b) I’ve had the past 10 years to think about this in hindsight with the input of an active fanbase, which is a very different environment to be in, than a game dev who’s been given a certain number of months to come up with or adapt someone else’s fictional guy. 

This is why I am also uninterested in discussing questions of writing competency, or talk about things in terms of “bad writing”, because I do not feel comfortable rendering that kind of judgment on people working in a field I have no tangible experience in and who worked under conditions so very different from the ones under which I am able to comfortably analyze and critique their choices with a decade of hindsight. 

Ultimately, my proposed edits are just my own personal thoughts, though. The idea behind this is to analyze how you visually represent certain characteristics. If you don’t end up liking any of my proposed solutions, if they don’t really match up your interpretation of Kaidan, I hope they at least provide a decent framework for you to come up with your own. 

With all this in mind, let’s see what we could do to address the existing problems.

6. How to fix it:

I will be writing this segment mostly with a paragon Shepard in mind. Renegade dialogue options are often confrontational or shut down a conversation, rather than extend it, so for now I am uninterested to also include an “and you can tell him to shut up too!” option at every turn. In a realistic scenario I would of course need to script a full dialogue wheel including diverging paths, but this is already embarrassingly long for a thought exercise. When actions, rather than dialogue, are supposed to reflect a specific morality, I’ll accommodate both paragon and renegade options, but for conversations I will outline a simple click-top-right-on-the-dialogue-wheel path.

ME1:

All we really need in the first game is a Kaidan-specific cutscene during Eden Prime, affording him the minimum amount of time and resources that are afforded to every other squadmate in the game. I propose the following: As the team encounters the husks for the first time, during the cutscene where they slowly descend from the dragon’s teeth, Shepard, Ash and Kaidan almost get swarmed. Kaidan manages to pull a barrier around them all, pushing the husks out and smashing some of them against the prefab homes. Combat starts after that. Dialogue back on the Normandy will reference this and Shepard can comment on Kaidan’s extensive abilities. 

I would also plainly cut both the conversations for Ashley and Kaidan that allow a player to modify their morality. This change is not really reflected in later characterization of either VS, so it has become redundant in retrospect. Removing it makes both characters seem less malleable and more firm. Any character development or change they might go through would be on their own terms.

ME2:

I suggest altering the Horizon segment and extending it by a little bit. A lot of this comes down to extending dialogue and adding concrete consequences. 

In the initial cutscene, neither Kaidan nor Ash stand around firing pointlessly at a bug swarm. Both of them attempt to cover the colonists, but upon realizing their shooting doesn’t accomplish much, they follow the colonists, shooting at the swarm once or twice (Kaidan maybe even remembering to use those biotics that he has), but ultimately run with them to the nearest prefab house and hunkering down.  Shepard, partway through the colony, breaks into that exact house and finds themselves face to face and gun to gun with the Virmire Survivor. They are disbelieving, but there is not much time to ask questions, similar to how we first encounter Tali. To gain their trust, Shepard can share the swarm-countermeasure with the VS, at which point the path diverges depending on which VS is alive and if they have been given the countermeasure:

If Kaidan is alive:

If given Mordin’s countermeasure, Kaidan decides to head back out and try to find as many survivors as he can. He has figured out by now that his biotics can slow the swarm down and barriers hold them off effectively (as we see in the suicide mission later on), so he focuses on protecting people. A paragon Shepard will agree with him, a renegade Shepard may try to get him to focus on killing Collectors instead, but ultimately Kaidan is immune to their influence right now and will move forward with his plan.

Later, when hitting the Collector ship, more of the pods will be empty, but the ship is almost fully staffed. Companion banter indicates that Kaidan protecting the colonists has saved more lives than initially thought. More paragon inclined characters will note their approval, more renegade inclined characters will bemoan that it’s a hollow victory if they don’t finish the rest of the Collectors off. Shepard’s agreement or disagreement depends on their own alignment. 

If Ashley is alive:

If given Mordin’s countermeasure, Ashley decides to head back out and shoot as many Collectors as she can. She has enough explosives to blow a decent amount of them to hell and wants to slow them down, so they can’t hit the next colony like they hit Horizon. She lacks the biotic abilities that would let her meaningfully protect the colonists. A renegade Shepard will agree with her, a paragon Shepard may try to get her to focus on protecting colonists instead, but ultimately Ashley is immune to their influence right now and will move forward with her plan.

Later, when hitting the Collector ship, more of the pods will be filled, but the ship is running only a skeleton crew. Companion banter indicates that Ashley going after them has taken out more Collectors than initially thought. More renegade inclined characters will note their approval, more paragon inclined characters will lament that a lot of colonists are dead now to give them this advantage. Shepard’s agreement or disagreement depends on their own alignment. 

After the final battle on Horizon, if Shepard gave the VS the countermeasure, they are slightly more amicable in the ensuing dialogue, but ultimately do not join Shepard, still citing distrust of Cerberus and still not fully convinced Shepard isn’t just a clone or a particularly clever VI. They will say that they will share the countermeasure with the Alliance and bolster other human colonies against the seeker swarms. In the debrief, the Illusive Man will be pretty ticked off for sharing such useful tools with the Alliance, but ultimately agrees since this saves human lives. This will also count favorably towards the Citadel stand-off in ME3. 

If Shepard did not give the VS the countermeasure, they were unable to participate in the fight, forced to remain locked down with the colonists. They are even more distrustful in the ensuing dialogue and do not join Shepard, still citing distrust of Cerberus and still not fully convinced Shepard isn’t just a clone or a particularly clever VI. Without the countermeasure, human colonies will remain vulnerable to Collector attacks, but a renegade Shepard’s reasoning is that they will put a stop to the attacks themselves. The Illusive Man will compliment Shepard on being discreet and sticking to the mission plan, revealing perhaps in some sense that his care for humanity only goes so far. This will count negatively towards the Citadel stand-off in ME3. 

ME3: 

Vancouver

To provide one more, at least marginally stronger initial cutscene for the VS, I would involve them a bit more in the flight from Earth. I would have most of it play out as is but modify the touchdown of the Normandy, giving Kaidan and Ashley something more interesting to do than providing broad, unfocused cover fire.

If Kaidan is alive, he could use his biotics to protect Shepard, raising a barrier and pushing away husks similar to how Jack/Samara can push out the seeker swarms in ME2’s suicide run. This is not just to use the same idea twice - if my proposed scene from ME1 is added, this could be an effective callback. 

If Ashley is alive, she could use her marksman ability (her tactical scores are, according to dialogue in ME1, exemplary!) and protect Shepard from husks with a few well-aimed headshots, similar to how Legion protects Shepard during the derelict Reaper mission in ME2. 

The important thing is to visually portray both characters as distinct, with unique abilities all to themselves.

Mars

I am fine with a majority of the dialogue on Mars (barring earlier criticism of the “very capable” conversation as it applies to Kaidan). 

The main change I propose on Mars is that during the final cutscene where the VS is attacked and almost killed by Dr. Eva Core, rather than shoving Liara out of the way, the VS should be shown visibly protecting and saving Shepard. Dialogue later in the game seems to indicate that this is the scene’s intent. Shepard is later portrayed as concerned, possibly guilty over the VS’ injuries and in some dialogue outright states that the VS “got hurt protecting me”, but this is just not what is reflected on screen. Sure, it sounds like pedantry to even bring this up, but players identify strongly with their avatar and a scene in which a character visibly gives their life for the player’s avatar has a very different impact than a scene in which a squadmate visibly protects another. 

So, in my opinion, it should be Vega helping Liara away from the fire, while Shepard and the VS approach the shuttle. When Dr. Eva Core turns out to be alive and tries to attack Shepard, the VS pushes Shepard out of the way, after which the VS gets grabbed, affording Shepard enough time to get up and into position to fire at Dr. Eva Core. The rest plays out as is. 

This has the added advantage of turning the scene into a more obvious parallel for the events on Eden Prime that kick off the first game. Where once Shepard pushed Kaidan or Ashley out of the way and they had to carry their commander’s unconscious body back to the Normandy, the VS finally gets the opportunity to save Shepard at the risk of their own life in turn. 

(Optional: None of the scenes on Mars can be adapted to truly reflect Kaidan’s biotic abilities without fundamentally altering how they play out. For example, the encounter with the turret would have to be amended considerably if Kaidan could meaningfully impact this scene with a biotic barrier, since it’s a tutorial on how to move from cover to cover. Therefore, I am omitting this. If we want to really be sure that no one shouts “plot hole!” just because, dialogue later in the game can posit how Kaidan was tapped out biotically after the fighting in Vancouver and on Mars and therefore was unable to construct a strong barrier when facing the turret or Dr. Eva Core. But that is rationalization of scenes via dialogue and those things missing are not the games’ most glaring issues. Not when contrasted against the missing visual impact of certain cutscenes. This scene is made impactful by Kaidan being severely injured, being pedantic about how he got put into that position isn’t helpful in this case, provided he has ample opportunity elsewhere to show off his abilities.)

Priority: Citadel

I suggest adjusting the Citadel standoff as noted in one of the earlier sections, with one additional change. The Citadel standoff primarily works for Ashley and in my opinion requires no great adjustment. But I would enable Kaidan to make a different choice. Since the standoff is a big emotional scene I would have it test Kaidan’s self-control and show Kaidan’s biotics flaring slightly when confronted by Shepard, then once again more dangerously when Udina pulls out a gun. In a twist, Kaidan, instead of attacking, uses his biotics to trap Udina in a stasis field, allowing Udina to be taken in alive. Maybe that achieves nothing in gameplay terms, maybe Udina is just not high enough up the chain of Cerberus to carry valuable intel, but it would still show that if pushed, Kaidan will remain calm and controlled, take charge of a difficult situation and try to preserve what life he can as a Paragon would. 

A renegade Shepard can still choose to shoot Udina anyways. This gives the resulting recruitment dialogue more possibilities too. Kaidan can be grateful that Shepard extended the same trust to him that he has extended to them, enabling them to resolve the standoff peacefully. He might butt heads with a renegade Shepard who shot Udina, as his current dialogue reflects. 

By contrast, Ash might butt heads with a paragon Shepard who was hesitant, but might approve of the quick reaction time and decisive action of a renegade Shepard, who shot Udina themselves. 

The standoff can largely function as it currently does because it’s not a bad scene in theory - it’s one of the most meaningful the VS ever gets - it simply needs to provide stronger and more distinct characterization for either VS. Two fundamentally different characters should not be making identical choices. 

The Normandy

To better display the impact of the war on Kaidan and his chronic pain, I would add visible pain to the very first conversation on the ship, the one about his parents. The scene is already suitably heavy and Kaidan is already voiced to be deep in thought and in emotional turmoil, so it wouldn’t take much. Slap in the idle animation from ME1 of him rubbing his head, add a line of Shepard asking him if he’s doing ok and bam! - players can see the stress of the war getting to him. 

There are a number of ways to diversify how this plays out. Maybe a romanced Kaidan puts in more effort to hide his pain, maybe Shepard is shown to quickly cut through his bullshit. Perhaps an opportunity could be offered for a Shepard to reach out and attempt to comfort him in the form of a paragon interrupt, falling into familiar motions from before the Normandy went down. It can be a little tense, a little awkward, a little emotionally fraught. 

Most of those ideas hit better than the very general “there’s strength in camaraderie, in empathy” line. This is the first interaction for Kaidan back on the Normandy. It should be a little more personal than that. 

(Re-) Initiating Romance

In a more controversial decision, I would toss out the dinner date at Apollo’s entirely and replace it. I’ve said that I would not remove scenes based on personal preference and this is one of those cases where I just don’t think the scene provides adequate characterization. 

The basic idea of the Citadel date is a sanity check - a break for Shepard and Kaidan. The restaurant, the food and the drinks are vectors to communicate that idea, but the vector is not the important part, the message is. 

Moreover, while a date is cute, this is the scene that potentially reunites Shepard and Kaidan. Whether we’re talking about a female Shepard who romanced Kaidan in ME1, a male Shepard who was never afforded that possibility but for whom the lingering romantic tension can finally blossom into a real relationship in ME3, or a new player who is trying to make sense of two characters who, romantically or platonically, clearly have a history - this scene is pretty significant. Does a romantic dinner date provide useful contrast or does it undercut the potential emotional intensity of what actually happens? Your mileage may vary, but for me, it is the latter. 

And that is why I propose a change. Kaidan’s love for steak and beer will a) return in the Citadel DLC anyhow, where food and drink are not just a vector of a message but part of a message. Namely they set the backdrop for a moment of domesticity and normalcy, providing a valuable contrast to the rest of the games and their more emotionally heavy, serious scenes. And b) it returns at least one more time as a throwaway line, which is better suited for that. Food preferences are almost always communicated in small mentions at the periphery of a character. Fandom made a big deal about Alistair’s love for cheese, but that’s one, maybe two off-handed lines in the first game. 

(Maybe Kaidan’s original writer was somewhat aware of that idea when he wrote that “I’m glad I’m a vegetarian.” line to play on the sidelines, rather than devote an entire cutscene to it. Maybe it’s entirely incidental. But either way, I think it was the right idea.)

My proposition would be to take that break at a location that is significant to Kaidan and Shepard from the first game. My mind almost immediately went to the scenic view from the wards where Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley first have their moment to just talk. It is the first instance of flirting between Kaidan and a female Shepard, symbolically turning it into the place where their relationship kicked off and making it an emotionally significant location from which to pick that same relationship back up. The locale presents some difficulty from an animation standpoint - the wards weren’t put into the game for ME3 - but the game already reuses assets from the first game when talking to the Council and I see no reason why we can’t do the same here. The location can be polished up with new assets and the view over the ward arms exists in the game, in ME3 you just see it from the docking bay. 

With refugees pouring into the docks and shortly after the coup on the Citadel, this part of the wards could be comparatively quiet, empty streets reflecting a Citadel during war time, with people either spending time with their loved ones or letting loose in clubs. Dialogue could clarify this to set a scene of quiet reminiscing and establish that, just as the Citadel’s residents, Kaidan and Shepard take a moment to spend time with the people that are important to them, platonically or romantically - each other. 

The conversation would be nostalgic, looking back to their first day on the Citadel, reminiscing about Ashley and bonding in their shared grief. Regardless of specific lines, I think a nostalgic, contemplative mood a) reflects Kaidan as a character better, b) has a heavier, emotional impact on the player (esp. with that incredibly sad music that suddenly overshadows the cozy mood of Apollo’s) and therefore better fits into the narrative arc of ME3, c) better communicates the characters’ shared history, both to returning and new players.

The confession can play out rather similar to the original date, but I would support the emotional tone a bit more with animations. Rather than the calm hand kiss we see, I want to showcase Kaidan’s self-control one last time - this time, by breaking, rather than maintaining it. Regardless of whether this is a returning or a new romance, I think I can justify an impulsive, sudden kiss between the two, initiated by either Shepard with an interrupt, or, if missed, by Kaidan, finally and symbolically giving in (possibly once again) to his feelings for Shepard. If Shepard initiates the kiss, it mirrors the kiss in ME1 on the flight to Ilos. If Kaidan initiates it, it becomes a parallel that maybe indicates some measure of character development on his part has taken place - here, at the end of the world, he’s finally, truly letting go. (Can you tell I like parallels?) A harmless flare of his biotic corona underlines this idea and could give rise to a bit of jokey flirting. 

Animation-wise, think Solas’ first kiss in the Fade or Cullen’s first kiss on the battlements. If that’s not in the budget, maybe they can reuse it from the first game? This is where it probably shows that I am not in game dev and therefore cannot properly estimate how easily animations are converted from one game to another, so it’s entirely possible that this kiss is a bigger challenge than I think it is. But a hand kiss is a unique animation too, costs money and time to make too, so I like to think a regular kiss would not be completely out of the question or out of the budget.

One criticism that can be leveled at this idea is that this isn’t as much of a break - not as much of a sanity check as the original date at Apollo’s, but for me, creating strong characterization is more important than sticking to any one writer’s original plan for a scene, even if their original idea was good on paper. If you feel very strongly about the date at Apollo’s, if you have an emotional connection to it, I understand if this seems like an unnecessary and unwelcome change. I hope it’s at least understandable why I think changes like this are valuable, even if any one person does not agree. 

Biotics Division

The only thing we’re missing now is something that adequately portrays Kaidan as an officer, teacher, leader of people. I’ve already said I won’t script additional, animation-heavy content like, say, an entire mission (loyalty or otherwise) and want to come out under or within the current scope. So I am replacing another scene that isn’t fundamentally wrong or “bad writing”, but underutilizing the character. 

I’m specifically talking about the Cerberus debrief after Jacob’s mission. While I think it’s a decent portrayal of Kaidan’s character - he is shown to be introspective, thoughtful and empathetic - I don’t think it adds enough to really justify its existence. Kaidan reflects on Cerberus and comes to the realization that some people in Cerberus might have been “good” people. Which doesn’t seem like the kind of epiphany he needed to have. 

This kind of dialogue implies we’re supposed to believe Kaidan had an extremely simplistic “evil bad people” view of Cerberus as an organization, which undercuts his intelligence. He was already pretty insightful about politics, especially when it came to the distinction of “pro human” and “human supremacy”. Dialogue about Udina, about humanity and its place in the galaxy and his responses to the presidential candidate from Terra Firma already establish Kaidan as savvy enough that he probably shouldn’t be so completely blindsided by the idea that some people working for Cerberus might have been doing so for the right reasons. Several of those people are already on the Normandy, including Kenneth and Gabby, Joker, Dr. Chakwas - and the person he is literally talking to right now. For Kaidan to have this epiphany only now and in such simplistic terms, visibly stumped by a morally complex situation, seems almost condescending. 

In short - ideas are being communicated that a) don’t need to be communicated from a player’s perspective, who is already submersed in the moral complexity of working with Cerberus in ME2, b) wouldn’t be particularly useful in providing context for the new players and c) doesn’t communicate an idea that Kaidan would really be struggling with at this point. And if it doesn’t do any of that, then it seems arbitrary to have it and I feel no great sense of loss by replacing it with a scene that is absolutely sorely needed - an introduction to Kaidan’s spec ops squad. 

With the upgraded communications room and the fancy new blue holographic imaging, the choice feels rather obvious. Shepard gets a message to join Kaidan for a call when they can. Biotics division has made contact with Anderson as they are currently fighting on Earth, who put them through to Kaidan and Shepard.

Shepard walks in mid-conversation as Kaidan is talking to the holographic images of his XOs; maybe Anderson makes an appearance too, bringing them all together. The particulars of the dialogue are once again not that important. I would simply include something that reflects Kaidan’s intelligence and tactical know-how, giving his people advice on things - maybe how to secure rations, maybe how to approach a specific mission. The important thing is - you are seeing Kaidan leading. Some informal banter between him and his squad can cement an emotional connection Kaidan has with his people. 

There’s probably space here for both light-hearted banter/flirting, or other more emotionally heavy conversations about hope, tough calls and the end of the world. Kaidan could reflect on his position and how he feels about it after everything Vyrnnus once put him through. I don’t want to settle in favor of any specific idea because like I said, I don’t want to script out the exact dialogue wheel, but rather set the stage for a general scene that can go a variety of ways, be used in any manner to communicate something fundamental about the character. The important thing is seeing Kaidan having a relationship with his squad and Shepard, not me dictating what that relationship looks like exactly. 

Aaaaand that’s it! There’s nothing else I think is in desperate need of extensive editing. The Citadel DLC scene can remain happily as it is - because now it has become a bit more stand-out, a bit of a better contrast to the rest of the games’ content. Anything else I might note would be based on my own personal preference, rather than meaningfully contribute to visual characterization.

7. The core issues: resolved? 

After all that, let’s do a recap and see what original issues we have addressed and how we’ve addressed them. 

Characterization through biotic abilities: 

Added the display of biotics in all three games, mostly focusing on defensive abilities (barrier, one of his core abilities), showing us a more protective, caring Kaidan. When he uses offensive abilities, it is ultimately in service of protection, which is fitting for a sentinel - the resident tank class. The use of his biotics displays a character who is calm and in control of himself and the battlefield.

Cementing Kaidan’s morality: 

No opportunity to change Kaidan fundamentally. He is his own person.

Paragon morality is depicted in both the main interactions in which Kaidan is presented with a choice - Horizon and the Citadel standoff. When Kaidan is permitted to act, he acts like a Paragon.

Displaying Kaidan’s leadership: 

In ME2, Kaidan is shown doing his utmost to protect the residents of Horizon. That may not be leadership in a military sense, but it does show that he can take responsibility for other people’s lives and take charge of a situation.

In ME3, Kaidan is shown interacting with his students. While we still can’t see him in action without more extensive changes, we can get a glimpse of what he might be like as a leader based on how his troops interact with him. 

Empathizing via pain: 

Kaidan is now shown at least once to visibly strain under his migraines. It also affords Shepard the opportunity to emotionally connect with him in this moment of pain. 

Maintaining self-control: 

Kaidan now showcases strong self-control even in a very tense, high stakes situation during the Citadel standoff, using his abilities to pacify and control the situation, to avoid harm. It becomes an inversion of his original fight with Vyrnnus. Kaidan’s an adult now and he chooses to use his abilities to prevent harm, not cause it.

On the flipside, because he manages to resist the loss of control here, it makes it feel more significant when he finally loses it in the romance scene. It underlines how strongly he feels about Shepard and how liberating their relationship is for him. 

8. I think we might finally be done here

In the end, your mileage may vary on how much you like my proposed changes. I am not the original writer of Kaidan Alenko, I can only give my interpretation of the character and at best speculate about narrative intent. Other fans might interpret characters differently, might prioritize different things. The things that I see, value and love in Kaidan Alenko might not be the things you see, value and love in Kaidan Alenko. The scenes I suggest removing might be so important to you that you can’t get behind the idea of changing anything about them. And that’s ok.

My goal with this… whatever the fuck this is, is not to prove what Kaidan’s characterization is or should be, but to illustrate how characters in video games are characterized and use that technique to construct a characterization for Kaidan. You can use the same thought exercise to come up with scenes that better reflect your Kaidan Alenko. Maybe you really just enjoy the character as he is and don’t think anything needs fixing, in which case, boy I hope you didn’t put yourself through reading this entire thing. 

In the end, I made this mostly for myself, because I enjoyed it as a creative exercise and because in a way it allowed me to exorcize (get it? Exorcize, exercise? ) a lot of the things that have been itching in my brain for the past decade. 

I may in the future fully script the proposed dialogue scenes, as another creative exercise and will happily post them here as well. If anyone else manages to get a kick out of it, that’s fine and dandy. 

And with that, I rest my case. 

TL;DR

Kaidan Alenko is one of the most interesting characters in the Mass Effect universe on paper. Because he lacks a number of character-specific cutscenes, misses large parts of the plot and ultimately shares a large part of his scripted animations with another character, players cannot pick up much of that character while playing the game. Seemingly small parts of his personality, like food preferences, do get screen time and become almost overwhelming, rather than provide additional detail to a well-defined character. The result is a character that requires a not-inconsiderable amount of time and effort spent dissecting dialogue and connecting codex entries to find the real personality underneath. 

[snezfics-n-shit]

Sicktember Day 18: "Wear Your Coat, You'll Catch a Cold"

Fandom: Ace Attorney Characters: Gregory Edgeworth, Winston Payne Notes: At the local bar, catching up with Winston Payne, Gregory Edgeworth reflects on not heeding the phrase he found himself saying more often than his younger self may have liked. Set in the January of 1999, so there’s nothing really spoiler-y going on because, well, the 90s in the Ace Attorney timeline is pretty much 90% births. Guide for names: Marie = Miles’s mother, Constance/Connie = Winston’s wife, Perrianne = Raymond’s mother. 

     As the new millennium drew another year closer, it was generally agreed upon in modern science that merely being cold is not enough to catch a cold. Gregory Edgeworth knew that, and he also knew how embarrassed he would be when his mother still held onto the misconception of purely cold-borne viral illness. Becoming a father seven years ago, however, changed Gregory's view on the matter a lot.

For starters, the warning of a common cold resulting from neglecting to wear proper outerwear now frequently passed his lips. Not a moment went by where he was completely unaware of how he once couldn't stand those very words, though. Perhaps, subconsciously, he found it to be more convenient than to scare his son with the harsh realities of hypothermia and frostbite; colds were easy to understand, hardly serious, and just unpleasant enough to be something one would rather avoid. 

Secondly, there was the small caveat that while cold temperatures were not the cause of the common cold, they did have enough impact on the immune system to make colds more likely. Combining the cold weather and Gregory's son attending a public school filled with all sorts of microbes that the human body would rather do without made for a good reason for Gregory to at least try following through with the words he now preached.

These things considered, Gregory was well aware of the mistake he had made in making his trip to the local bar without a proper coat. He could defend himself all he liked, insisting Payne’s invitation came so quickly that he hardly allowed himself time to check the evening’s weather, but it just didn’t matter once he sat at the bar, doing his damndest to keep his snuffles quiet.

“Winston!” Gregory waved his friend over, forgetting the napkin in his hand that was used as a last resort tissue. “I thought you’d be here first.” 

“Well, you know the missus. Connie wouldn’t let me leave without a coat.” Despite the words used to explain his late arrival, Winston made it clear in his tone that his wife’s advice was always much appreciated. “Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be wearing one? I always hear you telling your assistant to bundle up.”

“I guess it just slipped my mind.” Gregory answered honestly, fighting for dear life not to cough as he spoke. “Funnily enough, I told Miles and Raymond to bundle up if they were going to play outside just before I left. Kids come first and all that, though Raymond’s hardly a kid anymore.” 

“I understand.” Winston nodded. He and his wife didn’t have children of their own just yet, though they were actively trying, and therefore regularly had discussions often reaching a similar agreement. “Hey, Ray’s graduating high school in the spring, isn’t he? I think you told me his mom invited you to the party, too.”

“That’s right. Perrianne, er, that is,” Gregory’s face flushed as he started to correct the impromptu first name basis,  “Mrs. Shields is really going out of her way for this. I’d hate to make any assumptions here, but I think she deserves something nice to keep her mind off her late husband.” 

“Damn,” Winston couldn’t help but comment, “it really makes you think about what could happen, you know? Worst case scenario happening and leaving a grieving family behind?” 

“I try not to.” Gregory absentmindedly wiped his nose with the napkin crumpled up in his hand. “What with both my parents passing and Miles’s mother making it clear she never wanted to see me again.” He sank into a slouch. “That worked out for her, I suppose. I never heard anything from Marie after she dropped Miles off, and then four years later, I got a call from her father inviting me to the funeral. I’m pretty sure her entire family lives off the grid, so if anything were to happen to me…”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Winston exclaimed, eager to change the subject in order to save Gregory from the pit of worry that was pulling him in. “We’re just breaking into our thirties, we’re smart, we’re healthy–”

“E’SSHHOOUH!” Gregory’s sneeze was followed by him frantically grabbing another handful of napkins to clean himself up. 

“You give people’s hearts a good workout whenever you sneeze like that, Gregory. You do know that right?” 

“I’ve been told that from time to time, yes.” Gregory snuffled before giving a raspy laugh. “But you’re right. It’s too early to be worrying about such matters. My health has been pretty good.” 

“I don’t know, Gregory.” Winston raised a brow. “Sounds like you might be catching a cold.”

“What? No, I don’t think so. You know how long my hay fever goes on for.” Gregory’s excuse was rather flimsy.

“Gregory, it’s January.” Winston tsked. “Maybe I should have Constance call you up once in a while to make sure you wear your coat.”

Gregory wanted to laugh at the teasing suggestion, but his lungs obligated him to cough harshly into one of the already abused napkins he held. 

“E-Excuse me.” He said sheepishly before coughing again.

“That’s it. I’m ordering you a hot toddy.” Winston stated, clearly unwilling to take ‘no’ for an answer. “Heck, I’ll get one for myself, too. You’re probably contagious anyway.”

“Hey!” 

With no real energy to object, Gregory let Winston place the orders. Going to a bar was a rare enough occasion for him that he was actually surprised this establishment took the order without issue. Whenever he and Winston did go out, simply asking for beers from the tap just to serve as evidence against any accusations of loitering was fine enough. 

Once the hot beverages were placed in front of them, they both savored that first whiff of the drinks’ soothing scent. Even Gregory, whose congestion was gradually proving to be stubborn in allowing the registering of scents, found it to be quite pleasant.

“Well, cheers.” Winston initiated, but was disappointed when the clinking of glasses was followed by only him taking a drink. “What are you hesitating for?”

“Ah, you see,” Gregory scratched the back of his neck, “I have what Marie used to call a ‘cat’s tongue.’” He chuckled softly. “I’m not particularly eager to burn my tongue when eating or drinking.”

“How are you going to fully benefit from the hot toddy’s warmth then?” 

“I’m sure it–,” Gregory paused to clear his throat, “I’m sure it won’t lose its healing benefits if it cools off just a little bit.” 

Winston sighed in exasperation. 

“First you won’t stay warm by wearing a coat, now you don’t want to warm up by drinking a hot toddy while it still lives up to its name.” He teased. 

Gregory shook his head and proceeded to take a sip, burning his tongue in the process, just as he predicted. 

“Next time, I think I’ll just wear my coat.”

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Floyd and Epel?

Leona Character Opinion Bingo here!

Rook Character Opinion Bingo here!

***Standard disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions of the character(s); regardless of what I may think of them, sharing my thoughts is NOT meant to offend or to shame anyone that thinks differently.***

I think I’m speaking for almost everyone when I say that Floyd has one of the most unique character designs I’ve ever seen before (I mean, the same applies to Jade, just flip Floyd’s face horizontally and change the eye shape). It’s very bold and eye-catching in both the colors and the shapes; the earring, the black stripe of hair, and the heterochromia should make him look like a non-cohesive mess, but instead it really help the look pop. Floyd’s laidback attitude is reflected in how he dresses—loose, without paying much attention to fully buttoning up. Little details like that are the cherry on top 👌

Floyd is an extremely difficult character to comment on because he’s so finicky and hard to pinpoint. I generally really like him; his unpredictability makes Floyd a real wild card in any scenario or interactions he ends up in. I’m unsure of where he’ll lead the situation, but it’s sure to cause chaos and being me a good amount of entertainment. This wouldn’t be the case if he were real; it’s a nightmare to deal with a person that’s so moody and flippant with their desires and motivation... and worse yet, no clear or consistent way to tame or to calm him! I get a migraine just thinking of that mess 😔 But even with all of that in mind, I can’t help but love how free-spirited he is. Floyd doesn’t let anyone or anything tell him how he should live. He doesn’t let other’s opinions of him or their judgement deter him from having a good time. Yeah, it definitely means he gets out of hand sometimes, but there’s still something so cool about being free of everything but your own whims. Floyd doesn’t even want to be tied down by his relationship with Jade as a twin, he wants to be seen as a separate entity, not just someone “similar” to Jade.

Funnily enough, I think Floyd is the least insidious of the Octatrio. He’s not 100% innocent, he’s still capable of inflicting harm, but at the very least Floyd is open about it and will give you super blatant signs that you’re About to Die. With Azul and Jade, it’s much more of a slow burn, or like... the build-up to a jump scare in a horror movie. You never know what to expect or what they will knock you out; meanwhile, Floyd will give a ton of signals via his facial expression or body language (or outright announcing that he’s coming after you).

There’s two big misconceptions about Floyd in the fandom, and quite frankly, both of them can get on my nerves 🤡 because those misconceptions grossly contradict the canon information we are presented with in TWST. The first of these is that people seem to think Floyd is... dumb??? I’ve seen people straight up and unironically call him a himbo????? Which simply isn’t true; Floyd is “all or nothing”, he runs extremely hot or cold. If he feels like it, he can ace anything. If he doesn’t, then he fucks off to do something else or just doesn’t put in the effort. Floyd is extremely brilliant, but he doesn’t feel the need to put his talents to use all of the time if it doesn’t hold his interest and/or attention. Just because a character is spontaneous and “lolz so random” doesn’t always correlate with low intelligence, and I think it would be unwise to conflate those traits.

Now, the other big thing that the fandom tends to do with Floyd is 🤡 infantilizing him to a sometimes uncomfortable degree, and then often romanticizing that very childish and simple version of him. I totally agree that Floyd can be really cute (especially when he’s in his better moods), but to believe that he can do no wrong, that he is incapable of harming others, that he feels bad when he does it, or that his “squeezes” only amount to bear hugs is just incorrect. Episode 3 literally opens with Floyd “squeezing” a mob student until that mob student passes out. Note that Floyd appeared to be even eager to do it, asking Azul if they’re done talking and if he can finally start squeezing. When Azul prompts him to “squeeze to [his] heart’s content”, Floyd does it hard. There’s so many other instances of Floyd terrorizing his classmates (to varying degrees, it’s not all extremely violent, like when he teases Riddle about his height or ill-intentioned, like when he keeps chasing Jamil after he’s already out in a game because he wants to have more fun), but the fact is that Floyd isn’t sorry about anything that he does, he actively enjoys being a shit. Another thing I see a lot (that’s related to this take) is that???? People believe that somehow his mood swings can be controlled????? That isn’t true; even Azul and Jade, the people closest to Floyd, have a difficult time reining him in because Floyd HATES being controlled or being told how he should act. No one--not figures of authority, not his friends, not his significant other (in fanon), not even his family--can take charge of Floyd. Only Floyd can take charge of Floyd.

One headcanon that I’m very adamant about when it comes to Floyd is that I believe his nicknames aren’t meant to be cute or affectionate (especially Koebi-chan/Shrimp). I’m honestly shocked that so much of the fandom thinks otherwise???? Yes, he nicknames people based on the traits they have that remind him of corresponding sea creatures, but nicknames don’t inherently mean that Floyd likes everyone. The biggest example of this is Azul. When Floyd first met him in middle school, he had called Azul “Tako-chan” (Octopus). In modern day, Floyd only ever addresses Azul by his NAME. The same goes with Jade. What this says to me is that Floyd will actually drop the nickname if he likes someone enough. Now, that doesn’t mean that Floyd will necessarily always obey them, but it confers a degree of respect that’s rare for him to demonstrate in anyone else.

It’s so easy to just take Floyd at face value and not look any deeper into the things he says and does. He’s simple in that he just wants to chill and do whatever he feels like doing, but he’s complex in that he’s a lot more skilled than people take him for. He’s carefree, but that doesn’t mean he’s entirely childish or dumb--and he definitely can be cruel when he wants to be. I won’t claim Floyd is Super Deep, but I still wish the fandom wouldn’t lean into such extremes (whether it’s the soft takes, the harsh takes, or the ones that make him out to be just “random XD”) when it comes to him. It disregards the subtle nuances of his character 😔

With most characters, I can at least list a few redeeming qualities, but that doesn’t really hold true for Epel. He hasn’t done anything to offend me to the point where I’d actively dislike him, though! I just... find Epel to be blander than a slice of heavily processed white bread (and yes, that’s taking the other characters I think are boring into consideration). I guess he looks kind of cute cool? I really like the lace collar of his school uniform, his dainty lashes, and how his lilac bangs form delicate wisps around his face. Maybe I’d cut Epel some more slack if he didn’t look like he was 10 and constantly worrying about coming across as cool and stereotypically masculine 😅

He doesn’t have anything going for him personality-wise other than being a country boy that’s forced to act like a proper high society gentleman (which just so happens to be a trope that I don’t like), and his accent only makes it harder for me to understand him 😔 I don’t even find any of the little things he does cute or charming, I just stare at Epel and see your usual “fish out of water” character with kind of inconsistent writing. Like... in-universe, is there a clear reason for Epel keeping up his shy, timid facade whenever Vil’s not within view or within earshot? I thought the whole point of Epel was that he wanted to be more of a wild child, so why isn’t he breaking free more, because he’s scared Vil will catch him? What about when he’s back in his hometown, why does Epel keep up his polite and well-spoken act up then and only occasionally break out into his dialect?

There’s honestly not a lot of interesting lore about him 💦 I found myself paying more attention to the local foods of Harveston more than I paid attention to Epel’s family tree or to his childhood stories. There’s not a lot happening to keep me engaged, and everything seems to go by so much slower when Epel’s involved. I can’t even explain why I feel this way, it just is.

This is a personal peeve of mine (since I didn’t like Epel to begin with), but I think he took up WAY too much screen time in episode 5. It felt like he and Vil were fighting for dominance, being equally as unreasonable to each other, while pushing everyone else out of the spotlight, including his own vice dorm leader. The back and forth between his cheekiness and his moments of timidity were NOT cute to me. Perhaps I would be more forgiving if I actually cared about Epel, but I don’t :/ so the entirety of episode 5 was mildly irritating to sit through.

In spite of everything I’ve just said, I’m not going to completely write Epel off; he does have something to offer in how he engages with other characters (most notably Pomefiore). He has kind of a found family dynamic with Vil as his stricter parent and Rook as the more lax one. It’s also nice to see Epel cut loose and be himself around the other first years! I think what bothers me about Epel is that most of the time he’s pretending to be something he’s not??? It feels forced on his part and like he’s not enjoying it, so I feel like I can’t get invested in it either.

[purlturtle]

🌿 and 💝 and 🤍 and hey 🍭 for good measure :) (fic writer asks)

Thank you so much! Four at once; I love it!! (If anyone else wants to ask me stuff, here's the rest of the questions!)

Alright, so let's get started (this has gotten LONG, so I'm gonna put it under a readmore):

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Oh gosh. It is tremendous fun, to imagine stories, to play with my characters, to pick (and discard and pick and discard and pick) words and phrases and plot points etc. etc.

It is also a very welcome escape from reality, into a world that I fully control. That is immeasurably valuable! I keep saying that writing keeps me sane, and this is why!

And lastly, both the anticipation of what the readers will think, and the actual eventual feedback, are such a great source of happiness!

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Hah! So, one thing about me is that I don't really look or care about, like, trends or stuff like that. So when, long after publishing them all, I looked at the stats of my fics and found that the kid-fic had the most interactions, by a mile, in almost every metric, I was completely surprised. People just love it much more than any of my others, and I never would have thought!

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

Honestly, I have no idea. I don't think I've ever gotten a comment on any of my fics that made it clear that the reader both (a) engaged honestly with it and (b) didn't get the intention/story/whatever.

🍭why did you start writing?

Heeeeee *big beaming smile* I can answer that one very clearly and boy, is it a story in itself.

So in 2011, in one fell swoop, I lost both my job and my relationship (as in, she dumped me), and with the latter, the place where we lived together, too. Big whoop. It was honestly one of the lowest points of my life.

One thing that sustained me as I tried to find a new job and a new apartment (and told my parents that HELL no I wasn't gonna move back in with them), was a fervent and feverish rewatch of Star Trek Voyager. I'd been in high school when it started airing, and somehow I never really got into it then, although I do still remember watching the pilot together with friends. Now, I really buckled down and watched the whole entire thing - and developed SUCH a crush on Kathryn Janeway.

It was pure escapism - I imagined myself, social worker (aka one form of mental health professional), on Voyager because CLEARLY they needed someone like that, and why not me? In the beginning, those were only daydreams and in-bed-before-you-sleep imaginations. And then I grabbed the novel Mosaic (basically Janeway's unofficial biography, written by one of VOY's EPs) - and oh boy. It was so AWFUL to read that I thought, hey, she got PAID for this?! I can write better than that?

And so I did.

I wrote a whole entire EPIC about Kathryn meeting this social worker in Cologne Germany (courtesy of Q shenanigans) and their adventures together; over 350K words in total, IIRC (starting here, if anyone is interested). It is a happy, hopefully not too contrived self-insert (I was over 30 at that point, after all, and moderately self-reflected) that gave me life while I wrote it - AND!

I met my wife through it.

She liked the story, started commenting, and reading my other stories, and at some point she found my solicitation for a beta reader (I'm not a native speaker of English, and I wanted someone to look over my stories and catch any weird or plain wrong usages of English). And she contacted me. And the rest, as they say, is history or: Reader, I married her.

THANK YOU for your questions, Sam! What a trip down memory lane that last one was; I hope you don't mind!

[i-like-potatoes]

omg just realized park hae young also wrote 'my mister'. is this why i like it so much. my mister is my top 3 dramas ever. i was actually going to rewatch it again because it helped me out before but i kinda wanted a new story so i gave mln a try and i'm glad i did! wow... omg so i finished. the ending 😭 i'm just hoping he's taking that money and going to mijeong and living a life that he actually wants. also my heart when chang hee sat in class for the funeral director, and i suddenly thought that was such an appropriate thing for him tho im not sure that was the class he intended?? im not too clear on that cus it looked like he passed that door and then stumbled in there and realized it wasnt the right one but then the whole thing about his feet takes him where he should be, where he belongs 🥺 oh god i loved these characters and i feel like they did a good job at showing their stories and im satisfied with how it ended. it gave me about the same feeling the end of my mister did :') hopeful. i loved watching them do such normal things in life and have realistic relations and go through the motions. watching these things unfold in their lives and to reflect on mine. when the end they want to restart the club until it works, i'd join 🥲 why do i feel like i just finally let my children live their lives at the end of this ;-; also about your comment on the intros, i didnt this time and now i regret it 😩 i was just too eager to start the show so i only ever watched it the first time and skipped it jfgjf but what a lovely detail to do that, id have to check it out. and ty for your thoughts. tbh im not doing that great in the 'having someone to talk' to department. this year seems to be a year of loss for me. i lost my bf when he just left (so gu just leaving like that kinda hit a little hard) and then i lost one of my bestfriends, bc my depression was/is becoming too heavy and i stopped talking and replying for weeks and they took it as i didnt care anymore. and what mijeong said early on, about how u dont do anything and u feel exhausted and every relationship feels like work.. thats how i felt with the situation and yeah. i regret how things ended but maybe its a lesson i needed to learn. but it was really nice seeing how mijeong starts feeling that way but ends up making these good friends from a place where she hated. she finds love and beauty, shes in a better environment, she looks back on her younger self and sees she was/is very passionate, but maybe it just got lost in her life. i want that. i want to find that love again. i want to be liberated 🥺

hello again, anon!

yes, she did. i haven't seen any other dramas written by park hae young, but i have heard praises about her writing. it looks like you really love 'my mister.' i'll definitely take a look at it when i have nothing to watch.

the ending is really great and i loved it very much (i wrote my thoughts about it too, you can see it here if you're curious). i love the symbolism shown through that coin; like it's trying to say that everything's not lost and you can still pick yourself up again.

and yes! changhee's ending is one of my absolute favorites. you're right, that class was not the one he meant to attend. but it's one of my favorites because it's about him finally coming to the conclusion that that might be his purpose given all the experiences he had with the people closest to him dying.

i felt really hopeful for the characters and myself as well. i'm glad it did the same to you. and i really mean it when i say i'm glad it made you feel something.

i loved watching them do such normal things in life and have realistic relations and go through the motions. watching these things unfold in their lives and to reflect on mine.

agree to what you said! it's so much more than a drama as it allows you to look at your life as well.

(you can save the intros for your rewatch session!)

and about what you're going through, i'm really sorry to hear that. but i want to let you know that you're not alone in how you feel. as a person with depression, i also find myself wanting to be isolated from others, both personally and virtually. i feel too much burdened and feel like a burden. i also know how it is when it affects the relationships you have with people you really treasure.

what i want to tell you right now is please take care of yourself. please get professional help if you can afford it. if not, don't forget that you still need to take care of you. try to get enough sleep, try to eat at the right time, stay hydrated, and try to take a little shower if you think that will make you feel better. it's not easy, but after doing that, you can pat yourself on the back and say, "you did a good job."

i mentioned before that i see myself in mijeong a lot. i knew it was because of this. the way she dreads every single day and has to play the role of a woman who is loved — it hit too close to home. to be fair, i dropped my liberation notes at episode 2, not because i did not like it, but because i relate to it so much that it was getting too heavy. is this why we relate to it so much? anyway, i picked it up again thanks to that i have found something that makes me delighted every time i talk about it.

but it was really nice seeing how mijeong starts feeling that way but ends up making these good friends from a place where she hated. she finds love and beauty, shes in a better environment, she looks back on her younger self and sees she was/is very passionate, but maybe it just got lost in her life. i want that. i want to find that love again. i want to be liberated 🥺

cheers to that! we can say that we're just lost right now, and that's fine. we can be filled with hope and be hopeful too, anon. i'm wishing the best for us 🧡

[nono-bunny]

Thoughts from watching the ATLA live action!

Took a bit of a break because writing these while watching takes a lot of time, actually, but! I'm back on my bullshit again, let's go!

Episode 3:

Jet? Is this Jet? Truly wish I could tell, it would be nice if I could fucking SEE ANYTHING!!!

Oh I do think it's just some rando rebels, but looks who's with them, oh my god! Dang dang diggity dand-dang, it's the best villain of the show! Me recognizing her so fast is 100% a matter of me being really impressed with the way she looked in all the official stills and being really hyped to get more of her because of how much I love Azula rather than it being obvious btw, I kinda tried not to watch any pre-release stuff to not get biased in either direction when it came to the actors, like mostly I just read a couple of interviews whenever they popped up for me, so. Genuinely this is gonna be probably one of the only times I'll recognize a character based on face alone when they first appear without their classic outfit (which? Idk how much of that is gonna happen anyway lol), I just!!! Really liked the casting for Azula purely based on the visuals (as I know literally none of the actors in this show, I just know Ozai voiced General Fong and obviously the OG Cabbage Merchant is reprising his role), like I know a lot of people wanted her to still look like a vicious femme fatale or whatever, and like, I get it, OG Azula is hot, we ALL had a crush on her as kids, but. It's vitally important to remember she's a kid, and more than anyone her casting should reflect that given how often I see people say "we should just let villains be villains" when it comes to her. She's a villain, alright, but she's a tragic one, and the entire reason why there are so many Azula "apologists" (like myself) rather than Ozai ones is precisely because of her age and circumstances. So like? Going into this show knowing that one of their prime directives with Azula is to make sure that aspect of her character is abundantly clear was genuinely a real comfort on a personal level. I'm looking forward to seeing her be cruel, but I'm also looking forward to her not being treated as "irredeemably bad to the bone". Anyway! Azula!!!

Oh shit this is a fire nation civilian coup??? Genuinely was sure this was how they skip ahead a bit and reveal that as soon as Ozai heard about Aang he sent out Azula to Omashu for some reason, but her being a domestic spy for him is actually so cool. Tbh I always kinda wondered what she was up to before being sent out, like? Was she still in school? Obviously Mai and Ty Lee weren't, was she there alone? So this is a cool way to show her finding ways to be active even before being given her first big task abroad! Btw, as much as a part of me loves Spymaster Mai, if I'm being honest that job was absolutely made for Azula ngl, she's killing it!! Can't wait for fics showing her reprise that role in Zuko's council after the war lmao (I already read some with a similar vibe and they're always enjoyable, but now Spy Azula is back and I want more!!)

Fire Palace secret entrances canon?!

I don't actually have too many comments on the whole failed infiltration scene, I mostly just think that aside from being very enjoyable, it was also a masterful way to introduce and estabilsh characterization for everyone involved! I do really like showing that there's a rebel presence in the Fire Nation, and how quickly its plans gets snuffed out. It has probably existed ever since the war started, and Aang has only reignited their efforts. There's something I find really interesting here about how Iroh and the rest of the Order of the White Lotus, who seemingly do nothing for so long, are ultimately the ones to succeed- like, is it about patience? Unity among the nations? Strategic placement of the rebellion leaders and their importance? Ultimately, a bunch of old noble men organizing a worldwide network working with The Chosen One were the ones to succeed in their rebellion attempt rather than the many disillusioned (probably) poor citizens that came before them, and like? I get WHY, but. It's genuinely very depressing how realistic that whole thing is. Idek how coincidental it is, me immediately thinking of The Order here when this is an episode that introduces one of the most prominent people in its ranks, because like? That one interview that's about the LA showrunner "being relieved he didn't have to adress Katara's romance" or whatever was actually about a whole lot more, and one of the things they talk about there is explicitly how the way they built up the episodes was by looking at the original and grouping up stories with similar themes- specifically how both Jet and The Mechanic ultimately do terrible stuff because of the war (he put it much more aptly in a way that really made sense but I can't remember the exact phrasing atm) and like? Another theme there is also rebellion vs compliance- so it makes perfect sense to me that this episode also shows the domestic side of that, y'know?

Yo fr Azula's actress is fantastic here??? I just KNOW people are gonna hate how she's more nuanced here, but personally, I loved how it seems she's a bit conflicted when Ozai kills people she knew, yet ultimately lets the sadistic glee and the "I defended my family and my country today" side win out, ending with a smile. It's good! It's compelling! It's... Very different from the way the original show was very subtle about showing how Azula was also suffering right up until the very end- it was still there, of course! She isn't having a good time in the flashbacks to their childhood! It's shown through Zuko's pov though, which inherently makes her seem better off than she actually appears to be, and like. On the whole Bryke really threw Azula under the bus A LOT, even when it doesn't match what we're shown of her, and because her suffering and struggles were less visibly obvious ig it was easy for them to forget/ignore how she was hurt by her situation too. A lot of Zuko's arc comes at the expense of stopping to think of Azula as a human, forgetting that she's also still just a child, and? I like that the LA refuses to ignore that. Her play here was how easily she convinced others the war tore up her family, and you're forced to remember- it did. She's off the mark with who she believes was at fault here and who was wronged, but ultimately... She genuinely has lost so much here, including her childhood and innocence- she was left alone with only bad influences, and when THIS is the kind of thing her father has her do and witness on the daily? Of course she turns out the way she does!!! And given how much people tend to miss that Azula was both a villain and a victim, yeah, I'm fucking glad they're highlighting the victim part!

Okay I officially don't like how Aang teaches Katara bending philosophy. It's weird, it feels off, and while I do like that he seems to be in tune with the whole "the four elements aren't really separate" thing with the way he approaches explaining air bending philosophy to a struggling waterbender... I do kinda feel like it would've hit harder if he had done it while nailing this form like in the show- him just getting it because he's the Avatar and has past life experience feels hollow, but him getting it because he gets the philosophy would actually feel earned, and I wish that happened. I know he doesn't really touch waterbending this season, and like, I know they gave him a reason (an emotionally charge one that makes sense), but. This is a scene that really called for him to try, and he... Doesn't. I wish he did. It makes them seem so much more distant from each other, and next season he's obviously gonna have to get over this and start learning with Toph, so what gives? Is the plan to have him start learning both at the same time and remove Katara's experience as his teacher from the equation in Bitter Work, only show what works best when both attempt to start teaching him at the same time using different styles of teaching? I don't get it. This just really feels too Katara focused in a way that feels a bit jarring because they still inserted Aang into the scene when really... He just takes out a lot of the emotional weight this scene could've had without him interfering- it just feels like a weird time for an expositional trauma flashback. I don't get what this scene was about! I'm guessing Katara is gonna nail the waterwhip later in combat like in the original, but it was just kind of a weird mish-mash of three plotpoints (Aang's refusal to learn without Gyatso, Katara's trauma, and Katara struggling with her waterbending) in a way that didn't really work for any of them? Aang was cute, but. He really felt out of place in this scene- it's literally one taken from the original, but when they take out the reason he was there and instead turn it into a "oooo isn't Katara so tortured by her past" it just kinda... Feels obtrusive to an otherwise cool scene of Katara practicing

Okay so. This scene bothered me so much that I thought I had to take another look at it through a different lens than "this is a weird change from the original" because that's not a charitable thing to do and kind of the opposite of what I'm attempting to do when watching this show, so I rewatched it through the lens that usually DOES make me like this show- what were they trying to say here, what did this change mean? Initially what really bothered me and caught my focus here was Aang's presence and effect being so different than the original, so I tried ignoring how weird it was that he was still in the scene, and just... Focused on what he added to it- which is when I was finally able to get it, I think. So! I think this is actually the show's depiction of Katara's anger, believe it or not! When she attempted to focus on her emotions, she instead kinda defaulted to her memories- of her fear, and helplessness... And anger- which is when she "explodes" her water. Rather than channeling her emotions, she let them control her, and was thus immediately thrown out of balance. This actually kinda checks out with the original show? A more technically skilled or disciplined Katara is actually usually INSANELY powerful, as she channels her emotions to get the water to do what she wants... But the show literally starts with an emotional Katara who has no real skill or control over her powers accidentally doing some really powerful uncontrolled bending. Like? Going by that logic, I can kind of imagine that what makes a master bender is control- that sort of explosion isn't really something that happens to Katara after the NWT, same with season 1 vs season 3 Zuko for the most part actually! And given how Aang, a master, mentioned that his training mostly covered control... I think that's maybe what they're getting at here? Idk, but this also being the Jet episode, aka an emotional one for Katara, really makes me think that this scene was meant to be its own thing with its own message, but just... Had the unfortunate luck of looking A LOT like the scene for The Waterbending Scroll. Anyway I spent genuinely way too long thinking about it so! Moving on!

Cute Sokka and Momo moment!! Followed by primo Water Tribe sibling moment!!

Zuko and Zhao actively working side by side is an incredibly intersection dynamic, I really like it!! Also poor Zuko desperately trying to hold on to the way he thinks he should act...

Why does Jet get to have his instincts while poor Sokka is reportedly removed from this arc?? Yeah so I'm going into this episode very skeptical given how much I like Jet as a Sokka episode but. I'll try to not be too biased, after all it makes sense that he'd be busy with the Mechanic! Still a shame, hope it's been exaggerated a bit.

Oh my god this is still a really fun group dynamic with Jet ngl

Cabbage Merchant!!!

Omg Teo is so cute! And The Mechanist blowing shit up inside a city rather than just in his own place is actually so funny, imagine all the bureaucratic nonsense he must constantly elicit! He must be such a pain to deal with lmao

What?! The Mechanist gets a name?! I'm shook!! Not really lmao, fr he needed one, it's genuinely such a relief. Sai The Mechanist!!

Oh wait this wasn't Sai's fault? I legit thought he just exploded an experiment or something so I wasn't worried, this gives the scene a much more sinister vibe because it's either Jet or legit somehow firebenders!

Yesss go off Teo, fantasize about dropping bombs on your enemies! Lmao that was both a horrifying and hilarious scene somehow

Katara being just... Completely indifferent to the aftereffects of the bombing felt incredibly off. Aang's attitude, while admirable, is strange given that like? Truly, how does he think he can help here? This is... A lot for an Aang that only knows airbending, a Katara that doesn't yet know how to heal, and a Sokka that has yet to show any aptitude for invention. This episode feels like it should've happened just a tad later, or alternatively, have been just a bit lighter and/or right outside of Omashu. It'll probably still work, but. Again, this is... A lot, really fast, and the characters don't feel like they're quite ready for it yet- I hope to be proven wrong, of course, I inevitably will be! But... Idk, again, this is just. A LOT.

So... Ty Lee never runs off to the circus here, or will that happen between seasons 1 and 2? What about Mai? Will she leave with her family to Omashu/New Ozai in season 2? Genuinely interested how they'll handle the change of circumstances here. I like how these two keep their personalities, and I like the fear mixed with loyalty we can see from them already, but... This is a pretty big change that strips them from a lot of the characterization inherent in the circumstances of their first appearance in the original show, so I hope they manage to make up for it and maybe expend on these two a bit more, as they truly deserve it. They too look really young, which is a good thing and works well with Azula!

Speaking of Azula, once again, I adore her characterization here! Bitter, self assured, effortlessly cruel... A villain, but one that I'm sad to see in that position. She's "softer", or maybe I should say she doesn't have quite the same amount of edge, and... I like that about her, because I feel like she's going to earn it throughout.

Damn, Teo is like. REAL angry here as opposed to the mostly naive and peaceful version we see in the original. I don't... know that I like this episode and what it's doing with everything going on too much so far tbh, actually, a lot of it feels barely recognizable, which isn't a crime, it's just... This episode introduces so many things that I don't know that it manages to do ant singular one justice?

Why is Katara the one first finding out about Sai, and why is she not referring to him by name? This all feels so disjointed istg!! This should be a Sokka and Aang focused episode, so why is Katara so prevalent here? The way they shuffle the roles here makes no sense!!

This is... Not the point of Jet? What are they doing here with him? Why is he sparing a traitor? Since when did Jet discriminate between enemies? Or are they going for a "only firenation people are his enemies" kinda thing? Also, where are the freedom fighters? So much about this bothers me, and I get it, I get that they had to merge plots, but. This creates completely different vibes for everything and everyone in a way that wasn't really an issue with the first two episodes. This merger is really doing a disservice to everything, it's just... Depressing and disjointed, and everyone feels ooc for both the original and what was established so far. This is an episode so filled with characters I cannot imagine any new viewes being able to keep up or care, and frankly, I can't either.

Okay the rest of the freedom fighters are here and I am healed. Still kinda pissed about how strangely righteous Jet is rn and how the whole Air Nomad conservation conversation is just. Not gonna happen but. It's cool to see the little guys!

Cool fight scene overall but. God I really wish Aang and Sokka were there, this feels so disjointed for a third episode!! Why are they all separated right now, it hurts the show so much!!! Even if they're all off getting the parts of these episodes that were most relevant to them, the others had a place there too, and. Genuinely hurts that Sokka is just. Cut out of the Jet arc

In other news I hope to god Sokka is being an unreliable narrator, because Hakoda does actually have an interest in engineering (bombs, at the very least lol), but I guess maybe Sokka hasn't really seen that, huh? Hoping this is a set up for Sokka coming into his own and developing real confidence, rather than just rewriting Hakoda and Sokka's relationship. Like, that Sokka doesn't think Hakoda cares about this stuff because he never tried to talk about it with him, and that they'll later bond over it or something.

Sure would've been nice to get detective Sokka in this episode!!!! God I genuinely do think that after the setup for the episode, all of the scenes work nice, but I just. This episode really, really suffers from the separation of the trio, and even though they do a good job at making the different plots work together... This could've been a great episode but it's just. Too much stuff going on, there are like five fucking plots and characters we're following and while they both mesh well and work individually, it's also just that... Theoretically it works, practically it's really difficult to follow, especially as a fan of the original that's already a bit confused by where they're going with all these changes.

Genuinely so weird for them to make Katara's memories of her mother about the sun, aka, the firebender's source of power. Like?? How am I NOT meant to think about Zuko rn??? This scene was so needlessly Zutara coded istg, it's bizarre!! It was a good scene and in line with what I thought they were going for which gives me a lot of hope in terms of Katara's characterization!! Still wish Sokka and Aang were there though.

The Zuko and Azula parallels in this episode!!!!

I don't like that they made Jee actively go against Zuko, ngl.

Good fight between Sokka and Katara!! Once again Sokka is the one who brings out the usually hidden facets of Katara, I genuinely love the way this show portrays their bond!! As much as I like and miss the Sokka we see in Jet that never appears here given how he... Never meets Jet, I do really like the way this became a three way perspective battle with no one really being wrong. Everyone has reason to believe what they do, and this doesn't make Katara look like just a lovesick fool or Sokka like a jealous asshole (which I don't really seem them as but. I've seen people who do)- the original lessons they learn in Jet are kinda... Removed unfortunately but this does make everyone generally look better as a result lmao. I'm not happy about what this episode did, generally speaking, but. This is a good way to reunite everyone imo, it's fun!

I. Didn't realize The Scarf Scene was in the Jet episode?! Holy shit the implications... Zuko trying to hold on to Katara as she's seeking Jet,,, What the fuck were they on about here unless it was some Zutara high??? What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck?????? I am. Not okay. Genuinely why was this here, why does this exist at all, this is so weird!!! I get it now, y'all, I get it.

Holy shit this whole action sequence is fantastic!!! This episode REALLY struggled to set things up in a believable and natural feeling way but I'm glad it stuck the landing in terms of the resolutions!

In other news, yeah, so that dramatic "My Cabbages!!" scene is not gonna make sense AT ALL to anyone who hasn't seen the animated show, huh?

Holy shit Iroh sacrificing himself for Zuko like that is!!! Incredible. He's gonna get out scot free even if caught because of Bumi, so like... There's that, but! Still Incredible. My poor boy was SO confused by it too, Iroh is likely just gonna go have some tea with Bumi for a bit lmao

This was a good way for Aang to get captured though!! I'm guessing Sokka and Katara are also implicated with a plot against Bumi? Honestly it'd be... Incredibly strange if we don't see the characters from this episode in the next one but I'm kinda getting the feeling we won't given that it's the Bumi one? But neither plot has really reached any sense of closure, so... Hoping they do next episode? Idk, all around just. Really strange to have all of this happen in Omashu but. Whatever lol, this episode mostly redeemed itself at the end haha

[grey-writes-stuff]

I originally posted this on AO3 but maybe I should post it here!

Characters and their Warrior Cat names: (These will be added onto as I make more chapters.) https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QsXMGLfXRijR7JZrNL5Z8a1KEkaIZmtLjBX7DK80_Wc/edit?usp=sharing

The Darkening Dawn

Words: 2,003

Fandom: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare & Warrior Cats AU

Characters: John "Soap" MacTavish, John Price, Yuri, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Simon "Ghost" Riley, Vladimir Makarov, Shepherd, Nikolai.

Chapter 1

Rain pelted heavily down onto the derelict hangar. Pools of rainwater formed on the floor, reflecting the grey sky above, as well as the broken roof. Drops of water dripped steadily from the vines and leaves that littered the walls of the area.

Cats were huddled inside crates, or anywhere there was decent warmth of shelter.

“Why has it always got to rain!” A voice hissed “I hate getting my paws wet…”

“It’s just water, Ghoststem…” A quiet voice murmured “It’s not like it’s fire.”

A large cat crossed the area, its fluffy tail lifted from the ground to keep it from getting soaked.

“We’ll start a patrol once the weather clears.” The cat meowed “The rain cannot last much longer.”

“Exactly!” The smaller cat chirped “It’ll be sunny again before we know it!”

“How can you stay so optimistic, Beetlecloud…” Ghoststem sighed before shaking his head. “I suppose you’re right, Boulderfang…” he muttered, he stood up and stretched, puffing out his thick brown fur. “Either way. Any sign of rain while we’re on patrol, I’m heading back.”

“Fine by me.” Boulderfang murmured “But I’ll tell Houndcall and you’ll be cleaning the camp.”

Ghoststem stopped stretching and stood there, jaw agape as Boulderfang slowly trotted away. “You wouldn’t!” he called after the large cat.

“Wouldn’t I?” he asked with a smirk. With that, he broke into a run, with Ghoststem chasing after him.

“BOULDERFANG I SWEAR I WILL FLAY YOU!” Ghoststem screeched.

Beetlecloud watched the two cats sprint away and laughed softly to himself, before padding after them. He rounded a corner of pile crates and saw them tussling on the ground, with a mixture of insults and hissing.

“Come on guys, before Houndcall sees you and puts you on flea duty or something” Beetlecloud meowed, nosing the two cats away from one another.

The two cats stood up, and shook out their fur.

Ghoststem looked down at Beetlecloud and gave a soft purr. “Trust you to keep breaking up fights, hm?” he meowed.

Beetlecloud gave a toothy grin, which got Ghoststem to nuzzle the top of the short tom’s head.

“Well isn’t that adorable” Boulderfang purred “I won’t tell Hickorygaze. He might feel a little left out.”

“Oh be quiet.” Ghoststem snorted “Besides, Hickorygaze is too busy for snuggles” he shrugged.

“Fair enough.” Boulderfang grunted.

“Hey guys, look!” Beetlecloud purred as he looked outside “It’s stopped raining!”

“Well, let’s get going. We have prey to catch” Boulderfang said as he rose to his paws. He swished his tail to get the two cats to follow, which they did as he walked out of the den, and out of the camp.

The three cats walked through the damp wetland that surrounded the camp. It was oddly quiet. There was no scent of prey, and there was barely any birdsong.

“Something feels off” Ghoststem commented as he padded onwards. “It’s too quiet.”

“It’s only just rained. Maybe the prey doesn’t want to come out yet? You’re too paranoid.” Beetlecloud meowed

“Gee, I wonder why. Who taught me to be paranoid?”  Ghoststem snorted and looked at Beetlecloud.

“No, he’s right.” Boulderfang stopped. “It is too quiet.. It feels very…off” Boulderfang meowed, as he sniffed the area.

“Yeah well, an off feeling catches no food.” Beetlecloud padded onwards for a bit, before catching a scent of mouse.

He instantly dropped into a well formed hunters crouch, and crept forwards. He was about to pounce on the small rodent in front of him, before he smelt something off about it. Sickness.

Beetlecloud drew back and scrunched up his nose. He stood up, and walked over.

A mouse was huddled under a fungi, breathing rapidly. The mouse’s eyes were wide, and its body tensed and jerked around involuntarily. A black ooze dripped from its eyes and mouth, and more of the ooze dripped onto the mouse from the fungi, and pooled around its small body.

“That’s got to be a bad omen…” Boulderfang said as he walked up next to Beetlecloud.

“Is it still edible?” Ghoststem asked.

“Doubt it. I wouldn’t want to touch it.” Boulderfang responded. “Alright. I’m going to block this area off with those brambles. We need to tell Houndcall that there’s a sick mouse in the forest. Where there’s one, there’s more” he continued.

As Ghoststem and Beetlecloud slowly walked away, Boulderfang grabbed some brambles and dragged them over to the area, before padding quickly to catch up to the two cats. He looked down at Beetlecloud and noticed that his scars looked raw and uncomfortable. He made a note to send him to the Medicine Cat den when they got back.

It was sun-high when they made it back to camp. They stopped just inside of the hangar.

“Right. Me and Ghoststem will go and tell Houndcall what we saw.” Boulderfang meowed. “Beetlecloud, I want you to go and seek Wrencreek. Those scars look sore again.”

“I’m fine.” Beetlecloud meowed and began to walk towards Houndcall’s den, but he was intercepted by Ghoststem.

“Do as he says. Me and Hickorygaze will catch up with you later.” He bent down and nuzzled the smaller toms head.

Beetlecloud sniffed and muttered. “Alright. Fine.” before walking away.

Ghoststem and Boulderfang shared an amused glance before they walked to Houndcall’s den.

Beetlecloud made his way to a large metallic crate and poked his head through the entrance.

“Wrencreek, you in here?” he meowed a little too loudly.

A shriek of surprise was heard and a hiss.

“Beetlecloud! For StarClan’s sake, don’t raise your voice like that!”

A cat walked into the light. It was Wrencreek. His ragged fur puffed out, and his tattered ears were flattened. When he saw Beetlecloud looking a bit sheepish, he sighed. “Sorry. Had a bad day.” he cleared his throat. “What can I do for you?”

“Boulderfang wanted you to check on my scars. They’re fine, but he’s worried.” Beetlecloud shrugged as he walked further into the den.

Wrencreek nodded and tugged at a vine, which loosened something at the top of the den to let more light in. He walked to Beetlecloud and examined the scars. “Yeah, they do look sore. Have you snagged it on anything?”

“Not that I can remember. But that fight we participated in did hurt it a bit more than intended.” Beetlecloud mumbled awkwardly.

“Hm. Go figure.” he nudged the wound, apologising quietly whenever Beetlecloud flinched or winced.

“Right. I’m keeping you here overnight. I want to make sure the soreness and rawness doesn’t spread.” Wrencreek meowed with quiet authority.

“What? But it’s fine!” Beetlecloud protested.

“It’s fine when I say it’s fine. Come on, I got a nest for you prepared.”

Wrencreek guided Beetlecloud to a very soft looking nest, lined with feathers. “Lay down, I’ll make a poultice.”

Beetlecloud snorted before settling down into the nest. He was surprised by how soft it felt.

After a few moments, Wrencreek came back with a poultice, and began to gently apply it to the scars. “I think this weather may also be making it sore. It’s drier in here than your den.” he commented.

“Fair enough.” Beetlecloud mumbled.

“Have you been sleeping alright?” Wrencreek asked.

“...Not really, no…” Beetlecloud quietly admitted. “Nightmares…”

“Needlestar?” Wrencreek guessed.

“Yeah…” Beetlecloud puffed out his fur momentarily. “I assume you have nightmares about Makarov?”

“Every night. But that cat is dead. He won’t hurt any of us again.” Wrencreek meowed, before sighing. “Though…the scars remain.”

Beetlecloud looked at the scars that littered Wrencreek’s body. “Yeah…they remain.” he sighed.

“Do you want some poppy seeds?” Wrencreek asked. “They’ll help keep you asleep even during a nightmare.”

“That’d be great. Thanks, Wrencreek.”

Wrencreek nodded and went to the herb store. He pawed out a couple of poppy seeds, and brought them back over and laid them both in front of Beetlecloud, who lapped it up.

“Thanks…” Beetlecloud murmured as he began to feel the effects.

“Anytime. Sleep tight, you little bug.” Wrencreek purred and nudged the moss closer against Beetlecloud.

He kept watch before hearing Houndcall’s yowl.

“Let all cats old enough to hunt and fight, gather beneath the ivy crate for a clan meeting!”

Wrencreek glanced back at Beetlecloud before padding outside. He could see cats gathering around a large wooden box that was wrapped with thick ivy. On top, was Houndcall, and beside him was Boulderfang, and Houndcall’s deputy, Hickorygaze.

Once all the cats were gathered, Houndcall began the meeting.

“Boulderfang, Ghoststem and Beetlecloud went on a hunting patrol this morning, and found sick prey. It has been sectioned off with brambles, but that doesn’t mean it’s contained.” he meowed in a raised, clear voice. “If you see any prey exhibiting behaviours of sickness, don’t go near it. Section it off with anything you find, and move on.”

“What are we going to do about prey? It’s scarce right now” a cat yowled out. Wrencreek looked towards the cat, and recognised Brackenstep.

“We’ll hunt as usual, avoiding sick prey. However, if it does get out of control, we may need to ask DesertClan for help with prey.” he meowed. “They’re still our allies, and they may be willing to help.”

Houndcall took a breath before continuing “Me and Wrencreek will go out tomorrow morning, and investigate the area that Boulderfang and his patrol hunted at, and see what sort of sickness we are dealing with. Clan dismissed.”

The cats began to move away and return to their duties. Wrencreek sighed and waved his tail towards Ghoststem and Hickorygaze. The two toms walked over to him.

“Beetlecloud will be staying in my den for tonight.” Wrencreek meowed. “His scars needed some poultice, and I don’t want you two ruffians rubbing it off him.”

“Will he be alright?” Hickorygaze asked with wide eyes.

“Yes, he’ll be okay. He’s asleep right now. You can come see him when he awakens. For now, you two get some rest. I bet tomorrow is going to be a mess.” Wrencreek sighed.

As Ghoststem and Hickorygaze slowly wandered away with worry in their step, Wrencreek went back into the Medicine Cat den and looked down at the sleeping Beetlecloud. He smiled slightly, before going to the herb stores to sort them.

Night slowly crept up on him, and made him tired, so he went to his nest, and settled down for the night.

He woke up suddenly. It was dark.

Wrencreek looked around, and noticed Beetlecloud’s nest was empty.

“Beetlecloud?” he called out with confusion.

He got up and sniffed the air. Beetlecloud’s scent was stale.

Cautiously, he crept outside, and blinked his eyes to get used to the darkness of the hangar, and was horrified with the sight before him.

Cat’s wandered around aimlessly, choking out horribly. Black ooze dripped from their eyes and mouths, and their voices were garbled and unclear. In the middle, Beetlecloud laid on the ground, his limbs jerking, and his eyes wide. Black tendril-like patterns were in his eyes as he coughed up the black ooze.

Wrencreek backed away in fear, but something blocked his way.

“Hello, Yuri.”

Wrencreek whirled around and screeched in terror.

The cat that stood before him, was none other than Makarov. At least that’s what he assumed.

Makarov looked terrible. One eye was completely black, and the other had the tendril patterns. Ooze dripped from the black eye, and from his nose and mouth. His head lolled to the side and his neck looked twisted.

“Your end will come soon. Traitor” Makarov’s wheezy voice came out, before he lunged at the terrified Wrencreek.

Wrencreek screeched himself awake into the living world. He stood up and ran out of the den. The camp looked normal. He looked back, and saw Beetlecloud still asleep.

He panted heavily and shook out his fur and shook his head. “What the…” he whispered. He looked up through the broken hangar roof and saw it was just moonhigh. He wouldn’t be able to sleep any more tonight. It all felt so real. Unless…

It was an omen. A terrifying omen.

[micer2012]

MatPat plagiarized “Game Theory: Minecraft's DARKEST Timeline! (Hermitcraft SMP)” off of me.

Hello everybody! My name is Della, or micer2012. I made a post on tumblr on August 5th, 2021, that nearly every single point in Game Theory’s new video is stolen from. It’s been a very stressful and incomprehensible past few days for me, and I really wish that I had a PR team of my own to help me write this instead of having to put off my homework at 1:00 a.m. because a channel with 14.6 million subscribers stole from me, and is making profit from it.

TLDR: Though I can absolutely believe that somebody came to the same conclusion that I did independently, there is not a single point in the video that isn’t from my post, or wrong. And obviously wrong, things that make me think they didn’t even bother to watch CarnEvil, let alone make the theory on their own from being a long-term Pooka fan. There is also hard evidence of the comments being deleted, and GT has been caught plagiarizing content for years.

Disclaimer: I know MatPat and Tom didn’t write the video all by themselves, it was “Game Theory” all working together. I use their names interchangeably just because they are the faces of the channel, this video and this controversy, but trust me I Do know that. I also am a bit opinionated in this, but I didn’t make it to be a hate piece. I hope you can see the evidence and points I am making and consider them yourself. I’m open for any debate or questions.

I want to address the main thing first- I can 100% believe that somebody else came to the same conclusion as me. I’m not trying to claim ownership of saying “Jeff is controlling EX”, that’s barely even a theory, just connecting the dots of what Pooka has been hinting at for months. I didn’t make my first post with the intention of stating a theory- I mainly made it because I had just watched CarnEvil and realized that pretty much nobody else had, (shoutout to hermette-historian and arandomshine for being the places I first learned about Jeff and the CE trilogy, respectfully) and wanted to summarize and state what it meant for EX’s story in the past, and the EX storyline now in s8. I knew Jeff controlling EX was pretty much confirmed since I saw the square eyes in the reflection in 1013, (and knowing what Pooka had animated before), and wanted to raise awareness about who Jeff was, what he had done, and what he was about to do in the rest of the s8 plotline. The main theory was that EX’s greed and capitalism was connected to s1’s Midas Curse, that EX was influencing both Xisuma and the other hermits in the same way Jeff influenced them, and that EX’s change in character wasn’t just inconsistent writing, like most people on Hermitblr assumed, but because there actually was someone else behind the helm.

As more episodes came out it was more and more clear that this was where the EX storyline was going, with the white eyes, EX monologuing about how they’re not satisfied no matter how much money they have (and that it must be a problem with themselves, Deep Inside), and Jeff appearing both in EX and Jevin’s dream, (1019) and in Hels (1021). I made more posts, notably this iceberg meme (where I put “Jeff wants to go after MatPat” in the biggest text right at the bottom, because I thought it was the most ridiculous possible thing.) and my analysis of the white eyes.

Though my posts gained traction on tumblr, this was not a commonly talked about theory. I can tell you firsthand, I went looking for as many mentions of Jeff as I could find frequently to reblog, I loved seeing people talking about my theory or just asking who that shadowy guy in the background was. As you can tell from my enthusiasm, I love nothing more than analysis and discussing these theories and plotlines with people. And that’s why a part of me really does wish that ‘Tom’ was just a big hermitcraft fan who came to the same conclusion, but I can tell you that there is no doubt in my mind that the video was copied exclusively from my posts, likely without even watching the source material itself. (Hermitcraft, CarnEvil, and Evil’s Fault).

First, I want to link this post by @stygiuscantus. It compares every part of the video that matches with my explanation of the theory. I want to point out specifically comparisons like this:

(note, there are other shops Tom?? ex isnt controlling all of hermitcraft's diamonds, they can just do digging for more, Tom)

(note, in the small wording changes here MatPat states incorrect information. EX is not in the CarnEvil series, and they HAVE interacted with Jeff on screen in Xisuma's videos before this (the voice in 666 was confirmed retroactively to be him)

(note, he starts with CE2 just like I did, even though I realized after making my post that CE1 was retroactively controlled by Jeff. weird not to mention CE1 at all, except that I haven't posted about it)

While at first I brushed it off as “Oh, they were just going over the same backstory as me” it… It became a lot more noticeable when I rewatched and realized there is NO backstory that he goes over that I didn’t go over in my post. Besides going over the real mythology story of King Midas in more detail, he doesn’t mention a single thing from Pooka’s work or Hermitcraft that I didn’t mention in my post.

This is especially noticeable to me with ‘Tom’ apparently being a longtime fan of both Hermitcraft and Pooka’s hour and a half of self insert fan videos (no disrespect to Pooka!). No mention of the Dreamer and his complex relationship with Jeff, no mention of c!Pooka’s role in the CEs himself, (saying later that Jeff can’t target Pooka because he’s not a hermit, so he’s targeting X... Jeff is Pretty Explicitly targeting Pooka, since the first episode of CE up through Acquisition), and especially the lack of mention of any other Hermitcraft plotlines seems really suspicious and weird. I’ve only been a fan since 2019 (and only learned of Pooka’s stuff 3 months ago), but off the top of my head the nHo plotline has a STRONG case to be made about being connected to Jeff, Logfellas was another storyline where X got possessed, Helsknight and the helsmits and Hels as a whole seem weird not to mention, and ALL of Evil Xisuma’s 6 years of lore seem really important to cover or mention other than “They destroyed things” and “They’re like Darkiplier”. I’m sure there are other storylines through the 9 years of the server that could have easily been tied into this, but I didn’t mention them anywhere in my own post. No mention of very important parts of EX’s s8 plan like DerpCoin either. For someone who MatPat claimed to be using evidence from “deep cuts of the series,” he sure didn’t have any evidence that I hadn’t wrote 2 and half months ago, in a post that comes up whenever you look up “Jeff the Minion” or “Jeff the Minion Hermitcraft”. Real “deep cuts,” there.

The video to me also felt very… Dismissive of Hermitcraft. I wouldn’t say disrespectful, but watching I really didn’t feel like a Hermitcraft fan wrote it. Constantly comparing it to DSMP, saying s8 might be more lore heavy because they were copying the “smash hit” DSMP, (and not. Y’know. Third Life’s success or anything) talking about how they don’t script their lore and it’s reset every season, which… which while often the case. You’re Literally talking about EX lore across 5 different seasons. ConCorp/ConVex, Poultryman, Stargazer leading into s8, and Area 77 being a continuation of the nHo plotline are all very important plotlines that continue throughout different seasons, and this is just off the top of my head, only being a fan for 2 years and 3 seasons. Whoever wrote MatPat saying he never needed to do a theory on HC because it's just “casual fun” has not watched a season 5 Bdubs video. While he said there wasn’t anything wrong with HC’s storytelling, it still really doesn’t seem like the kind of thing someone who’s been a fan of Hermitcraft for 10 years would write. There’s other signs like calling Pungence a ‘character’ (at first I thought he meant this in the DSMP way where the characters and ccs are more separate, but he doesn’t refer to any other hermit this way), which would only make sense if you were just going off my post and assumed he was a character the same way Jeff was, not for someone who’s been watching him since 2011.

I want to state also that MatPat is seemingly only using Tom’s word as gospel here. While I’m sure they looked into the situation, Tom, whether he plagiarized it or not is not an unbiased source, and there has been not a single person reaching out to me to try to talk or hear my evidence. If MatPat just consults his own workers and goes “alright, they said they didn’t copy it so that’s that.”, that’s not objective proof of anything. Personal accounts are not evidence, and I have a lot of evidence that I think contradicts what they are stating. By the fact they don’t even write my name in the post, just say “a tumblr user”, I really don’t think that this is an unbiased look at the situation, it really feels like they’re just trying to bury my name and reassure their horde of fans that they can do no wrong.

So now let’s go over the 3 only original points I could find in the video, and how they show a complete misunderstanding of the sources. The most obvious is when they say “It also allowed Jeff to form alliances with certain hermits, notably the hermits who weren’t part of the original assault against him in CarnEvils 1 and 2. These hermits, Welsknight, iJevin, and VintageBeef have all been influenced by Evil X throughout season 8, making them susceptible to his demands.” Now, no hermits fight in CE1, but in CE2 the hermits who led the ‘original assault against him’ were Pooka, Xisuma, Generik, Pungence, and Biffa. Out of these, X is the only one who’s still an active hermit. Meaning the point ‘Jeff is going after everyone who didn’t attack him in CE2’ is worthless, because that applies to every single hermit in season 8, except X, who he is… also manipulating.

The other way you could take this is that he misspoke (or forgot nobody fought in CE1, so was thinking of the two battles of CE2+CE3) and meant ‘Hermits who didn’t attack him in Any of the CarnEvils’, which is… proven wrong by both CE3, where they are there fighting him (and you can see in a shot he shows in the video), and the spreadsheet. The spreadsheet literally says “Fought Jeff _ times” next to every single person's name, this REALLY should not be a hard thing to factcheck. You can see iJevin’s slot saying he fought Jeff one time in the video itself, when MatPat is showing off what his slot says.

(iJevin, 4 down from MatPat)

Another note about that spreadsheet- There is a video, public on Pooka’s channel that is a video version of the spreadsheet. I didn’t mention it in my post, but if someone was a Pooka fan for a long time there’s no reason they shouldn’t know about it, and there’s no reason they shouldn’t use it in the video, as it makes for much nicer visuals then just reading off the spreadsheet. It is one of the first things that comes up when you search “Pixelated Heart th3pooka”, along with the other ‘deleted scenes’ which both me and GT didn’t talk about.

It is also mentioned (and presumably, used to be linked to directly) at the end of CE3.

The second point is claiming that Jeff is doing this for either 1. Revenge against Xisuma for scarring his eye in CE3, or 2. Trying to get more gold artifacts to power himself up. Firstly, Jeff has been targeting c!Pooka for FAR longer than he targeted X or even Hermitcraft, and saying he’s targeting X now because he scarred his eye doesn’t make sense when he attacked them before CE3 (both in the CarnEvils, and by using EX to attack HC in 350, 450 and 500.)

The second shows a large misunderstanding of how Jeff’s imprisonment and relation to the gold items worked. He needed them to free him from Dionysus’s curse and unleash his full power, and that already happened in CE2. As of Pungence stabbing him in CE2, he is no longer Dionysus’s minion. In fact his name from this point on is “Jeff the Nightmare” (as you can see in CE3’s description, where Tom claims he got the spreadsheet). At the end of CE2 he’s imprisoned in The Dreaming, and then at the end of Pixelated Heart he was defeated with the redstone Power of Love (not necessarily romantic love, just your bonds with people and remembering and drawing strength from them). Judging by Evil’s Fault, he was banished from interacting with the physical world again and only can exist in people's (notably EX’s) dreams and nightmares. While he is weakened again and can’t interact with the physical world, he is not a minion or under Dionysus’s control. In the credits, he’s listed as “Jeff the Nightmare”, and there is no sign he’s doing this to get any ‘Midas artifacts’. He doesn’t become powerful by eating gold items like powerups, he gains power by weakening people’s (notably EX’s) bonds with others and showing them their own memories to make themselves spiral into hate, anger, and giving up. Jeff doesn’t mind control people, he doesn't just mind control EX to Be Evil, he convinces them using their own memories that they’ll never be able to do anything but hurt the hermits, they’re an idiot, they’re useless, and that the hermits will just keep banning them over and over again because they can’t even be Evil right. Jeff doesn’t mind control you, he makes you convinced of what he wants you to be convinced of Yourself, by showing you evidence. And EX was so lonely, so spiteful and angry and jealous of the server that they didn’t have any redstone bonds at first for Jeff to have to break, letting him use EX as a vessel to destroy Hermitcraft before Xisuma banished Jeff from EX’s mind in 666 using the power of their redstone bond. Now, in the 2 year break between 800 and 1000, Jeff was able to slip back into EX’s mind (because Xisuma (who EX DOES still care about (“your precious Xisumavoid”) doesn’t trust or forgive them (and probably never did) and Worm Man has been missing for years). Jeff is gaining power in s8 because EX is isolating and controlling the hermits (notably X) to weaken their redstone bonds with each other, enough so that Jeff can get into their heads, convince them of how much all their friends hate them, and cause them to give up and be puppets for him just like EX is. In short, gold artifacts have Nothing to do with Jeff’s current plan.

That leads into the final point made, one that I… I legitimately cannot fathom how somebody who watched Evil’s Fault could claim it so confidently. It reads like a bad telephoning of the points of my post and my post only, without understanding any of Jeff or EX’s lore.

MatPat says “His (Jeff’s) return would actually explain why Evil X has become obsessed with money- Evil X is infected by the Midas Curse. And wherever that curse is, Jeff is along for the ride, waiting.”. Later on again he says “In true mythological fashion, Jeff needs items cursed by Dionysus in order to restore his full powers. That’s why he tends to linger around whenever the curse of Midas crops up.” This… Seems to imply that MatPat and Tom are saying that EX got the Midas Curse (??How? If not by Jeff??) in s8 (since that’s when EX started caring about money), and Jeff is only here and controlling EX now because he follows where the Midas Curse goes. At no point do they say that Jeff is the one who gave EX the Midas Curse, like I proposed in my theory, they say that EX got it, (after 800, before s8), and THEN Jeff has been lurking in their mind and around Hermitcraft in s8. This goes against pretty much every single thing in Evil’s Fault, the video that shows us the most about EX and Jeff’s relationship to each other for the past 6 years. EX has been EXPLICITLY working for Jeff (and under Jeff’s control) since at LEAST 450, and probably since 350. While EX feeling jealous and spiteful and wanting to destroy Xisuma were probably their own feelings that Jeff just took advantage of and pushed further into destruction, (and Jeff is probably where EX’s powers came from, since they didn't have them in s5 and s6, but do again now), every single thing that happened in all of EX’s episodes is because Jeff was controlling them and pushing them further into their own self hate and lashing out. To say “Jeff only just started being in EX’s mind in s8, since they got the Midas Curse” goes against everything seen in Evil’s Fault, and I can’t understand how it could be said by somebody who had watched Evil’s Fault at all, or even Xisuma’s episode 666.

In short, there are only 3 original points made in the entire video, and they all show an INCREDIBLE lack of comprehension of Pooka and X’s work, that makes me think they didn’t even watch the videos themselves, let alone come up with the rest of the theory independently.

Before I conclude, I want to state some other smaller nitpicks that just show the quality of this video is certainly not up to the standard MatPat claims they put into their videos. An old and incorrect version of Pooka’s skin is used, lacking pants, they call HC “the oldest minecraft smp on YouTube” (not "oldest active") when there have been many before like Mindcrack, says the theory has “it’s roots in the series’s origin from over 10 years ago” when Pungence’s vid was made in 2013, and uses exclusively he/him for Evil X. I don’t want to say that point is the biggest thing in the world since I fear redditors are gonna zero in on just me saying this, but Xisuma has used singular they/them for Evil X the past year, along with he/him. (x) (x) He’s never made a statement that they’re canonically NB or anything and probably won’t, this might not even mean anything, but it’s notable that MatPat took everything from my post except the characters correct pronouns, when you look at Game Theory’s history of transphobia, nbphobia, (x) and misgendering canonically nb characters like Kris from Deltarune (they/them) or the vessels from Hollow Knight. (they/them + it/its). I also want to say that ending the video with a 2 minute Audible ad saying ‘if EX had listened to Audible, Jeff the Minion wouldn't be influencing them!!’ is… In really bad taste, when Evil’s Fault clearly says that Jeff is a metaphor for addiction and spiraling into self hate. Very classy, Matt.

There’s also a lot of weird ways that the video is formatted that… Honestly seem to me like it was just moved around to not look like it was copying my post. 1010, the scene where EX literally watches Evil’s Fault and goes ‘oh I remember Jeff the Minion!! Sometimes I feel like th3pooka is the only one who understands me’ is what I started my post with, and seems weird to not mention until 10 minutes in, using it as a ‘gotcha’. He says “In season 8, the mysterious Jeff has begun to reappear out of nowhere, and not in any sort of obvious way, either.", and then proceeds to show Jeff’s 1019 and 1021 appearances where it’s standing there in plain sight. He doesn’t mention 1010, Jeff’s first appearance in s8 and a Very Obvious one, EX literally saying his name, until 3 and a half minutes later. I can’t exactly prove they moved the points around to not look like plagiarism, but it just seems like a weird and confusing way to format the video.

Addressing the comments… Though I am not a big channel and can’t say I know the details of how comments work, there definitely seems to be proof that the comments are getting at least hidden from view, if not deleted. (x) (x) “micer2012” and “della” are nowhere to be seen when i ctrl+fed a bunch of recent comments, but “micer12” “Micer2012”, “micer2012’s” and “mincer2012” where there, meaning people were definitely talking about me, but the only comments I could find where the ones where people had misspelled my name, not setting off the filter. I also saw people putting slashes through their comments to not get deleted.

I commented this on the video before I finished watching it, when it had been out for about 15 minutes. It was deleted (I’ve posted other comments since then not using “micer2012”, that are still up). It had no link, and the fact that I posted it when the video had been up for around 15-20 minutes, and it was erased the second I refreshed the page, means that “micer2012” was blacklisted before people were even commenting en masse or commenting with links, likely as soon as the video was published.

I wish I could finish this by saying “Oh, I’ve always been a big fan of Game Theory, I can’t believe he would do this!” but the truth is, I’ve seen him as a clickbaiter and plagiarizer (both in art (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) and theories (x) (x) (x) (x, specifically taking from tumblr) for years at this point. I loved his videos in elementary and middle school, but as I saw more and more of the channel’s behaviour, I grew to strongly dislike him. I’ve tried to not let that cloud my analysis and instead just post the facts and evidence that is apparent from the video, but I hope you can excuse this autistic 17 year old for being a bit mad that MatPat stole my work, is profiting from it, and is denying it. I joked about him stealing my theories for months after making my EX analysis post, I put ‘Jeff is targeting MatPat’ as the biggest, most unbelievable thing in BIG letters on my iceberg meme, and I… I still haven’t really Processed that MatPat thought this autistic teen’s ramblings about his hyperfixation and special interest were good enough to steal.

I don’t mean this as a hate piece, although I am understandably angry. I hope you can see the evidence that I compiled in this response for what it is and make your own judgements, and I will be more than happy to debate and answer viewpoints questioning or opposing me. My tumblr, @micer2012 is the best way to contact me, though I’ll be checking the comments on reddit and twitter too. I’m sorry this post is so long too, but I wanted to be comprehensive and show the extent that the video and their response doesn’t add up.

Della, m/i/c/e/r/2/0/1/2.

Transcript to the GT video

Timeline of the GT situation

[silver-weasel]

Diving (Deku x Reader)

Pairing : Deku x fem!reader (aged-up characters)

Rating : E, 18+

Tags : smut • fem!reader (she/her) • best friends to lovers / childhood friends to lovers • quirkless AU • p*rn with feelings (like. a lot of them) • public sex (more or less) • switching • hair pulling? • pining • Deku being flustered and an absolute angel what’s new • Reader being a teasing brat • It’s all soft and fluffy, I’m as vanilla as you can get 🤷‍♀️ • Happy birthday to the bestest boyyy I love him so much it hurts

Word count : 10 600 (Holy sh—)

A/N : Thank you @hoe-doroki my beloved and savior for beta-ing <3

Written for @rat-zuki​’s collab in honor of our favorite birthday boy, The Deku Agenda Escapes no One. Thank you so much for letting me join! (go check out the other amazing writers and artists!)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

The ground grinds repeatedly under your hiking shoes, some pebbles being kicked forward on your way. You’re way too deep in the forest to hear any cars passing by and during the two hours you’ve been here you haven’t run into anyone. The place seems empty, the only souls breathing the forest’s thick air being you, Izuku and the birds chirping all around you.

The afternoon is coming to an end, the sun sinking down on its way to hide behind the mountains. The remains of its soft light are filtering through the dense leaves all around and above you. You’re surrounded by green, lush and immeasurable greenery, every plant merging into another.

You’ve left the marked paths, now wandering deep in the richest, boundless part of a forest you both know like the back of your hand after roaming it all over innumerable times. All over, except for this part, in which you’re setting foot for the first time today. Your many previous hiking sessions were shortened by your questionable sense of organization, always arriving too late to explore further into the unknown.

Leaves brush against your knees with every single step you take as you follow Izuku on his heels. He’s moving at a steady pace, his hands holding tight the straps of his yellow backpack that he’s had for as long as you can remember. He’s always so organized, has everything you two could eventually need and generally never do. Two huge flasks of water, an entire meal he calls ‘little snacks’, with sandwiches, fruits, protein bars, even hard-boiled eggs. A first-aid kit with disinfectant, bandages, scissors and painkillers. Hell, you’re even wondering if he has any pads for you in there, in case of an unexpected period. You wouldn’t be surprised if he did.

You giggle lightly when you see him stumble for the sixth time since you got here; he can’t seem to keep his curious eyes from drifting up and around, looking in every direction, probably retaining every detail and logging it in some impressive mental database of his. And he’s commenting on every little thing he sees too; he makes you notice things you never would have if it weren’t for his candid interest in everything.

“Oh! Look at that bird!” he exclaims, pointing at a branch over your heads. “Do you see it, right there, with the red mark!”

You turn your gaze to where he’s pointing and see a little bird, very cute, but so tiny you’re wondering how one could spot it without specifically looking for it. That’s probably what you like most about Izuku: his attention to detail. That’s the thing—nothing is too small for him, everything is worthy of interest. His eyes always light up with such curiosity, this child-like wonder and it was always one of your favorite things to witness growing up.

When he came over to your house at age six, he was always running around with some bug on his forearm, calling your name, yelling, “Look at this!”

Most of the time, it was a snail or a ladybug, and that always managed to catch your interest. Sometimes, it was a spider or a beetle, and he had you screaming in horror more than once, running to your mother’s legs with weeping eyes. Those times, he always watched you go with wide, sad eyes and a wobbly lip, because, “I would never hurt her, Mom! I swear I didn’t want to scare her!”

“Oh, yeah, I see it! It’s so cute!”

And it is cute, the way his huge green eyes go even rounder in amazement. You treasure these hikes for providing occasions to witness this. But as much as you wish this moment could last forever, the sun is beginning to set, you probably shouldn’t go deeper in the forest at sundown.

“We should probably head back to the car, Izuku. It’s gonna be dark soon.”

“Come on, it’s still so light—there’s no rush!” His lips crook a bit into an impish smile. “Scared that a bear is coming to get you?”

“There aren’t any bears here—we’ve been coming for five years.”

“Because if it’s the bears you’re afraid of,” he begins, ignoring you on purpose, “you know I’ll protect you, right?” he says, sticking out his chest like he’s some superhero.

“Against a bear? Right.”

“You’re underestimating me? That’s just mean.”

You chuckle at his antics, shooting him a look of yours that says, ‘Come on, please?’.

His eyes soften a bit, but he’s used to that look; it’s been years since it worked on him as well as you’d like it to.

“We can just keep going this way, then we’ll make a loop and head back to the car directly! It’ll be even shorter this way.”

“Alright, let’s do that,” you agree, and the smile it elicits from him makes something tingle deep in your stomach.

You move forward again, sinking deeper within the forest. It’s becoming harder and harder to walk, brambly branches and huge leaves blocking your way more and more with every step.

You’re a bit ahead of him when you catch sight of a sparkle behind the bushes. Just a glimpse of light, but you’re positive you saw it. Is there water here? You never really looked at a map of the place before—you just always went wherever you felt like and used the same tracks on the way back. You hurry up a bit, curious eyes fixed on that glimmer of light.

Soon enough the dense greenery comes to an end, and you’re finally out of the bushes, finding your way into a little clearing. You’re standing, speechless, in front of a pond: it’s about forty feet wide, catching the last rays of sunshine in a dazzling reflection. The water is surrounded by gigantic trees big enough to be home to an entire niche of biodiversity, and a half-sandy, half-stony shore with reeds rising from the water on both sides.

It’s all calm and quiet and massive trees, branches pouring, cascading above still water. The air feels cool, filled with a pure smell of dew and spring even though it’s the end of a hot day of July.

Izuku is close behind you and lets out a very cute, “Whoa,” ditching his backpack on the ground next to you in the middle of the cove. The both of you just stand there for a moment in complete silence, aside from the birds chirping. Izuku breaks it first:

“How come we’ve never seen this before? This place is amazing.” He sounds distant as he speaks, soaking up his surroundings like he always does.

“I guess you never know everything about anything,” you say mindlessly, without detaching your gaze of the wonderful view ahead.

He’s standing close to you, very close. You’re only noticing now that you’re coming down from the high of your discovery. Your arms are brushing, you can feel his body heat from how close you two are. It wouldn’t be the first time; you’re no stranger to being physically close to Izuku. You’ve been playing together since you were able to put one foot in front of the other. And you wish you could say it feels any different right now, but that would be a lie. Being close to him always felt the same. Always felt like the only easy thing in your life. The only constant.

Yet it’s not enough. No matter how close, it’s never enough, it never was. You hate yourself for feeling that way; you’ve never been the greedy, unsatisfied type. You have everything with Izuku. Well, almost everything.

But right now this place—this very quiet, beautiful place with no one in sight is doing things to your fertile imagination. Despite the sun just beginning to set, the summer air still remains thick with heat. You find yourself staring in the abyss of that water, admiring the masterpiece of a reflection on the surface, a painting of leaves and clouds and blue sky. It calls you, sings an irresistible song of fresh water on sweaty skin and strong, freckled arms wrapped around you.

You don’t know if the slight, insignificant detail that you would have to undress in order to dive into that water—since you didn’t bring a swimsuit—is a better reason to do it or to refrain from doing so.

You’ve lost count of how many moments you’ve shared with him just like this one. So many chances for you to take. You never have.

Back to the original issue: can you see yourself walk out of that clearing the way you always do? Can you see yourself going home, adding this missed chance to your growing collection of lost memories, of hands within your reach that you chose not to take?

The answer pops in your mind, crystal clear for the first time since you met him.

You drop your bag on the ground, turning to Izuku with a delighted expression stretching your features. The look on your face reminds him of one he’d seen on you as a kid, bouncing on the balls of your feet in front of the ice cream truck. At this moment he just knows you’ve got some stupid shenanigan in mind, like you always do. Once again, he isn’t wrong.

“Wanna take a dip?” You’re squinting at him from his side, a mischievous smile lighting up your face.

“I-I didn’t bring a swimsuit,” he stutters.

It’s been a long time since he last stuttered in front of you. He got rid of it years ago, but it still resurfaces sometimes in front of intimidating strangers or in a socially uncomfortable situation. Never in front of you, though.

“Me neither,” you answer plainly with that same impish smile, and his eyes go round at your implications.

“Wait, you can’t be—Oh my God—”

His heart does a great flip in his chest when he catches you taking the hem of your shirt up over your head. In less than five seconds, you’ve got him scorching hot, feverish and suddenly he can’t tell right from left.

His reflex is to bury his face in his hands. He respects you too much to take a peek, but you’re making things very difficult for him. He can hear you move towards the water, can hear the thump of your forgotten shoes hitting the ground one after the other, can hear the soft pad of your naked feet on the rocks.

“For the love of God, please, put it back on…” 

“What? Look at this view, it would be a shame not to make the most of it!”

He’s not looking at the view right now, he can’t let himself. He knows very well he won’t be able to focus on the trees when you’re standing pretty much naked—although he’s not sure to what extent—in front of him. You could be entirely naked right now and he wouldn’t be able to tell, his burning face still hidden in his shaking hands. His voice comes out muffled when he stammers, “I-It’s starting to get late, we really should get back to the car…”

“What, you’re scared of the bears?”

He can’t see you, but he knows you’re sporting that smug grin of yours, the one he first saw when you showed him your impressive collection of Pokémon cards on your preschool’s playground. You’ll have to take a lingering silence for an answer.

“Izuku, come on. I don’t bite.”

He’s not entirely sure the sight of you won’t gnaw him to the bone, won’t melt his entire body down and leave him a hot mess. He won’t be a man anymore, just a walking flame fueled by the heavenly sight of you. No, he can’t let himself fall into that. Obviously you don’t know what you’re doing to him.

Nevertheless, you’re probably the most stubborn person he knows. And he’s friends with Katsuki Bakugou, for God’s sake. He won’t be able to get out of this as easily as he wants, especially as he hears the delicate noise of water splitting at your feet as you enter the little pond.

He slowly moves his hands off of his face. You must have your back turned to him, so maybe he can drift his eyes off somewhere—

You are in front of him, thigh deep in the water now. In nothing but your panties. Your white, flower-patterned lace panties that are doing a very bad job at covering your backside. He lets out a long, pained whine, standing in the middle of the little shore with his arms dangling down his sides, not sure what to do with them.

“Why didn’t you at least keep your bra on?” His voice comes out way more wobbly than he intended to.

You turn a little so you can look at him, and it takes every little bit of strength he’s got left to look you in the eye. But as you’re turning around, the smooth curve of your breast starts showing, and God, is that your nipple?

He wants a giant hole to swallow him right now. He wants some forest creature to come for him right this instant, anything to keep him away from you, keep him from doing things he might regret. To punish him for having such thoughts about you, because you trust him, you’re so oblivious, so innocent, and he’s so weak against this inner monster that’s eating him away.

With a little frown, you deliver the answer like it’s self-evident as you kneel into the water, the surface just above your chest:

“I didn’t want it to get wet.”

“But you’re okay with your panties getting wet?”

The realization of what he just said is slow but surely comes. And when it does, he wishes even harder to get erased from the surface of this planet he’s already lucky enough to share with you. There is a long silence, and all he can hear for a few seconds are the birds chirping and the violent pounding of his heart against his ribcage, straining to get out.

You turn back around to look at him, dumbstruck. 

“I’m more than okay with that—”

“Please forget I just said that,” he cuts you off. He’s not sure he can bear to hear more of this.

“I’m never forgetting you said that. It’s pure gold,” you scoff.

He can only answer with a drawn-out whine. He doesn’t have any choice in this, does he?

When you dive in the water, he takes both his shaking hands to the hem of his shirt and starts undressing.

What the fuck am I doing?

The water is so pure you can see underwater as clear as day: the few rocks at the bottom, the little silvery fish all around you, and the last rays of sunlight permeating through the calm surface above your head. The water feels a bit cold on your naked skin since the sunlight and summer heat must only hit the clearing at certain hours of the day. Still, the cold water isn’t enough to clear your foggy mind.

What was I thinking?

You’ve always been a bashful person, why is it changing all of a sudden? Maybe it’s the devastating effect Izuku has on you.

You try to calm down a bit, taking a deep breath. So, you’re pretty much naked in front of him. Well, it definitely wouldn’t be the first time, and it (probably) won’t be the last. Now you just have to go through with your stupid idea. It’s no big deal, it’s only Izuku. Only Izuku.

Only Izuku.

Fuck.

You finally surface, not only because you can’t hide underwater forever, but also because, surprisingly, you’re not a fish, you have to actually breathe.

You push your dripping hair to the back of your head, still careful to keep your breasts under the water. Izuku’s already in to his hips when you turn around to look at him, your vision still blurry from the water trickling all over your face. He’s merciless, standing like that, only the elastic of his boxers peeking out of the water. You’re a bit surprised by the plain, black color. You were expecting something along the lines of blue, yellow and red. Izuku is full of surprises.

But nevermind the color of his underwear—what you find just above is mesmerizing. Your indiscreet, incorrigible gaze can’t help following the thin trail of hair tracing up to his navel, then the stunning lines of his abs, partly hidden behind his freckled forearms shyly crossed over them. The freckles spread up his powerful arms, gently sunkissed, scattering all over his broad shoulders.

Is he actually hiding, though? Doesn’t he know he looks like he was carved by the gods themselves?

“Have you done this before?”

The sound of his voice startles you a bit. Ah, right. You were shamelessly staring. It takes you a couple of seconds to force your distracted mind back into focus. “Done what?”

“Skinny dipping?”

“No, it’s my first time. It looks like it’s yours too.” His big, bright eyes drift around like they don’t know where to look. It’s really cute.

“It is,” he admits, now kneeling into the water as well. “I would’ve thought you were used to this.” You arch a single eyebrow in an amused frown.

“What, do I look like I have a professional degree in skinny dipping?”

“No, it’s just…You look confident, it just seemed like it.”

Confident? You’re nowhere near confident—you’re terrified. You try to keep your cool, but it’s probably the first time you’re putting on an act in front of Izuku.

“Well, you’re not so bad at it yourself.” You don’t miss the little blush coating his cheeks at that. “Also, I’m not exactly naked.”

“You’re not exactly dressed either, that’s a...v-very small piece of clothing.” He’s blushing a bit harder, looking away.

“Oh, seems like you paid some attention to my piece of clothing then, good to know.”

Now he’s quite simply scarlet. A very cute, very hot, freckled tomato. He’s so easily flustered, it only makes you want to tease him some more.

“Were your legendary All Might boxers in the dirty hamper? That’s a shame. I’m a bit disappointed,” you say in a mockingly innocent voice.

He doesn’t retort, simply stands there on his knees, shooting you an unreadable look and a little pout. After a few seconds, you open your mouth to continue, only to be startled by a strong splash hitting you in the face.

When you snap out of your shock, hair and face dripping all over your shoulders, you look up at him with what must be the scariest look of betrayal. Or the most ridiculous, apparently, since he starts laughing, louder and louder, and can’t seem to stop.

“Oh, you’re pretty pleased with yourself right now, aren’t you?” You can’t help but chuckle while talking, his laugh is so contagious.

“I am, yeah!” he manages to articulate, only starting to calm down.

As the calm of the forest returns, you watch his eyes go back to their usual round shape bit by bit, his face relaxing again. His smile causes butterflies to fly up and around in a whirlwind deep into your belly. You chuckle a bit at the feeling, almost embarrassed by how he’s making you feel like you’re in some dumb, cliche rom-com movie. On the outside, you must look a bit like a maniac, but he’s a nice guy, so he simply asks, “What is it?”

And before you can overthink yourself out of it, you’re hurling yourself at him. He barely has the chance to stutter a weak, “Wait!” before you’re putting all your weight on him, sinking his head deep in the water. Izuku may well be a nice guy, but you know he isn’t going to let you get away with this, so you’re not surprised when you’re dragged underwater by your legs. He lets go immediately, a bit abruptly, even, like it burnt his hands to touch you.

You both emerge from the water soon, and it takes you a second to get rid of the water blurring your vision, but then it hits you. How tantalizingly close you are to each other now, your bodies an inch away from touching. You’re both on your knees, enveloped in the coolness of crystal clear water and the reflections of the canopy of leaves above your heads. A spark of electricity makes you freeze on the spot; you’re so close to him your breasts slightly brush against his chest.

After a little eternity, you find the courage to look up at his face. He looks mindblowing, really. Despite the two decades you spent together, you’re not sure you’ve ever seen the pure, astonishing details of his freckles from this close. You would remember it, you definitely would. It’s a spectacular view, one of those visual memories that comes back to hit you in flashes. His nose and cheekbones are covered in them, drawing a mesmerizing pattern, more complex than the Milky Way itself. They’re an uncrackable equation, like a weird quirk of nature that you’ll never understand but don’t question anyway. They spread a little more scattered, but still very present, up to his forehead and down to his delicate jaw.

And his eyes—you could just drown in them. There’s this bright, blinding light there that feels like laying in the grass and looking up at the sunlight coating the leaves of this tree, the one you grew up near and always played under.

You swear you didn’t move, neither did he, and still you manage to get even closer to him. Now it’s you against the inexorable attraction that pulls you towards him like a fierce magnet. And it’s a losing battle, you think, as you’re both entering each other’s personal space like you share just one.

There’s nothing friendly about the way he can’t look you in the eye, seemingly too obsessed with your lips. You drop your gaze to his and find them calling for you. It’s been so long, now the thought of kissing Izuku seems unfamiliar despite being ever-present in your imagination for so many years. Like repeating a word so much it ends up becoming a series of meaningless sounds to your confused mind.

He’s the one who finally closes the distance, his lips landing on yours so softly you can barely feel them. He doesn’t move, simply content with the contact. You’re both eight years old again for a minute. The kiss feels like the little peck a kid would finally give to his crush in the middle of their school’s playground before running away to his friends.

Time seems to stop for God knows how long, and after what feels like no time and forever all at once, his lips move hesitantly against yours, bringing you back to reality. Right then, it all crashes on you like a tremendous wave. The distant echo of your mothers’ voices from the kitchen and the stupid cartoons they made you watch so they could talk for ten more minutes. The games alone together because no one wanted to play with you two weirdos. The piggyback rides, the dumb jokes, the video games (you always won). The neverending texting sessions at night because one of you couldn’t sleep. The fights that never lasted long enough to see the next sunrise because you both are way too weak for each other. All those stupid places that wouldn’t have looked half as breathtaking if it weren’t for him.

His lips are soft but roughly bitten. Hot and wet from the water and maybe from something else. He doesn’t taste like anything other than home, and that’s more than enough for you. His hands went up to cup your face at some point, but you’re too drowned in all the feelings coming up to the surface to pay attention to anything other than his soft mouth pressing on yours, more and more, opening up—

And it’s already over. You only notice that you’ve closed your eyes when you open them again when you don’t feel anything against your mouth other than the summer air. When your mind manages to regain any sense of function, the blurry focus of your gaze settles on his eyes. Wide open. Pupils eating up the dazzling viridian that puts the forest to shame. And a terrified expression in them.

He’s looking at you like he hurt you. His lips should still be on yours, kissing and sucking, not frozen like they are right now, obviously trying to express something painful as a few weak sounds pass their barrier before he finally manages to speak:

“Oh—Oh my God, I-I’m s—”

You don’t let him finish his stupid sentence. You don’t think twice before you take his face in your hands and lean in to kiss him again, with shameless intent this time. No more pretending—you’ve been waiting long enough for this and apparently, so has he.

It’s nothing gentle this time when your mouths crash against each other, teeth clashing and lips bruising under the weight of twenty years. You hold to his face like a lifeline, fingers sinking just a bit into his cheekbones, the tip of your nails getting caught in the knots of his dripping hair just above his ears. It’s messy, your noses rubbing before he angles his face better. One of his hands loops around your waist in a tight grip, forcing your chest to crush against his, the other burying in your hair at the base of your skull.

The feeling is electrifying, indescribable. It’s nothing like the pale, miserable depiction of your imagination. It’s discovering life in color when all you’ve always known was black and white.

The water is cool, but his body scorches against yours, burns your skin in the most exquisite way. The kiss is desperate on both parts, but neither of you is confident. His lips suck on yours with tentative motions, and you respond in kind the best you can. They are hungry, starving for flesh but don’t know how to hunt.

Your hands are gripping more and more of his hair, pulling harder, sending waves of heat all the way down his groin, and he’s not sure he can hide the bulge growing there for much longer.

He has to be sure, he has to be absolutely certain you want this as much as he does, because once he starts, he may not be able to stop. But you feel so good, all pressed against him. Your skin feels so soft under his hand at the small of your back he has to dig his nails in the skin of your waist so he doesn’t cross a line. But the curve just above your ass is begging for him to grip at the tender flesh and squeeze, fill his hands with it. He’s been dreaming about this for so long.

No, he can’t just hurl himself at you like a hunting wolf the first chance he gets—what kind of friend does that?

It takes him every bit of focus he has left to break the kiss, to part away from you. You have to discuss this, he can’t just throw away twenty years of friendship! Now you’re looking up at him with puppy eyes saying, ‘Why won’t you play with me?’ He breathes out a shaky sigh, and begins:

“Um, look. Believe me when I say I’ve wanted this for a very, very long time, and I love you so, so much. As a friend, I mean.” He sees you frown at this, catches a glint of something he doesn’t like in your eyes, then panics. “No, no, no, I mean, a-as a friend, but also more than that, o-obviously. But I don’t know what you want, you might be...d-disappointed, or...um—” His face starts heating up like it hasn’t in ages. He takes another breath, tries to clear up the muddled mess happening in his head. “Look, I just want the best for you, but you look...good, very good, and you’re making things very difficult for me, doing...this—”

“Izuku.” The deafening hubbub filling his mind falls suddenly silent, your voice a comforting, steady rock for him to cling to when his mind is storming out of control.

“Yeah?”

You get even closer to him, since he gradually set some distance while mumbling his anxious thoughts out again. You cup his face in your hands, a gentle, featherlight touch, and look up at him with determination in your eyes. You pull his head down a bit to settle on yours, your foreheads and noses connected, never breaking eye contact. Your lips graze over his, both your breaths mixing there, your voice a quiet whisper as you speak again. “Do you want me?”

Out of the jittery mess of his mind, the answer comes out like evidence, plain and simple: “Yes.”

“Then shut up and kiss me.”

You take action immediately, kissing him once again and this time he doesn’t hesitate to put his—still rather shaky—hands on you. The feeling of you is addicting, pushing his insecurities further in the back of his mind. He starts at your waist, running his thumbs there, feeling the goosebumps rising on your skin. They wander up your spine, counting every single bump of your bones, all the way to your nape. Then dragging them back down to settle on your hips, his fingers digging in the soft flesh. The little sigh you breathe on his lips causes an impressive amount of blood to run straight to his dick. 

Your mouth is distracting, dizzying, sucking on his bottom lip, nipping playfully. His tongue slides over your lips, then against your own when you open up immediately for him. You’re pressing against him even more, your breasts rubbing against his naked chest and he swears you’re going to be the death of him. You’re hanging from his shoulders by now, your arms circling his neck, still gripping a handful of green hair, pulling. You have to stop doing this—he might cum right away. He doesn’t say it aloud, only lets a moan escape him into your mouth.

He wanted this, wanted this for so long, and now that it’s real, it’s beyond everything he could have imagined. The heat of your skin, the weight on his shoulders as you cling to him, your breath in his mouth, your little sighs.

He’s only now noticing that his hands have gone to reach their destination with a mind of their own. They’re on your ass underwater, feeling the white, wet lace, the sole cloth on your entire body—that thing is just there to tempt him. He’s unsure if you like what he’s doing until you release a whimper, louder this time, enough to send a vibration against his mouth (and straight to his cock at the same time).

Suddenly, he wants to taste a lot more of you. You’re all open up to him for the first time—he has to. He trails a series of open-mouthed kisses from the corner of your mouth to your jaw, savoring every little sigh escaping your lips, then to your neck, dragging his tongue up the column of your throat.

The water is fresh all over you, and he doesn’t miss the shivers running up and down your skin at the contact of the twilight breeze. He needs to warm you up, needs to make you feel good, needs everything to be perfect for you. With his hands still on your ass, he trails lower down to your collarbone, allowing some occasional nips on the way that have you shaking. He freezes, looking up at you from there.

“Is this okay?”

The answer comes out breathy, a little desperate: “Yes, yes, please!” It sends a wave of heat all over him, the way you like what he’s doing to you, the way he’s making you feel good.

He’s not experienced or anything, only had a few hookups a couple of times, so he’s not very confident in his capacities, aside from running his hands all over you because that’s how his instincts are manifesting. You know him better than anyone—of course you would know how lost he could be in this kind of situation. But he also knows you’re not much more experienced than him, and that thought is comforting.

He’s experienced in one thing, though. He feels like the worst, filthiest person on the planet for this, but it’s astonishing the number of times he jerked off to the thought of what’s happening right now. How many times did he fuck his hand in the shower thinking about the water trickling down your skin, about licking it off your breasts all the way up to your neck.

So he does what he’s been dying to do for years. your breasts are just above the surface, so he sits on his heels and licks down your chest. When his tongue finally reaches your nipple, giving it a tentative lick, you let out a gasp, encouraging him to get bolder. And he does, closing his mouth on it like it’s the sweetest lollipop; it’s all cold and hard and raised from the water, but it warms up really quickly against the furnace of his mouth. His right hand leaves your ass to cup the neglected other, running his thumb against the bud, squeezing the flesh. That’s when you reach out to bury a hand in his hair, and pull again. God, you can pull on his hair all day and night like this; he’ll never get enough.

His left hand, still on your ass, rises up to the small of your back, feeling you arching more and more, pushing against his mouth. A harder nip has you gasping and he lets his hands run all over you, wandering without direction. It’s messy and urgent; he can’t help it—you feel so good, so soft under his hands. He’s like a kid getting to open his Christmas gifts in the morning after an endless, sleepless night waiting for Santa.

You trail your hand down his chest and his abdomen, a gentle reminder that the power he holds right now could slip through his fingers any moment. He’s willing to give it to you, especially since he doesn’t really know what to do next.

Like you just read his mind, you take his hands in yours, stopping their chaotic race. He’s feeling himself flush a bit—was he going too fast for you? Did he scare you? Or did he just let himself become overwhelmed by his feelings and it didn’t feel good for you? His eyes are looking down directly at your naked chest, he realizes he never took a proper look at them, too busy throwing himself to taste them. They look just as good as they taste, as beautiful as the rest of you.

Tentatively, he raises his eyes to find your reassuring gaze and fond smile. You lead his hands down slowly, setting them on your hips, over the criminal lace fabric preserving your modesty. Your foreheads connect again, but you never break eye contact. Lacing your fingers together, you guide his thumbs into the elastic on both sides, and now that he gets what you’re trying to do, his mind just stops.

Your voice is barely a whisper, a mesmerizing caress on his lips when you speak again. “I think I’ve waited long enough, Zuku.”

Your tone is fond, but you sound so desperate, it’s unbearably cute. His mind fogs up, the smoke of your words filling his skull and he wants to drive you as mad as you drive him. Sure, you’ve waited a lot, but so has he. He isn’t going to rush this, not if he has any say in it.

He slides your panties down your thighs underwater inch by inch. It’s even too slow for him; right now he just wants to rip the stupid piece of lace off of you and fuck you and him both stupid in the water, hard and fast. But even more than that, he wants to take his time with you, wants to take you apart piece by piece. And the testy whine it elicits from you makes it all so worth it.

You shift a bit so he can take your underwear completely off and, in a second, it lays abandoned on the sandy ground of the shore. Just knowing you’re now completely naked in front of him, it sends boiling desire flowing through every single vein in his body. He can’t see that part of you yet, the water darkening along with the sky clouding his view beneath the surface, but nightfall can’t do anything about Izuku’s wild imagination. He’s dizzy, feeling himself slowly falling into a half-conscious daze, but you anchor him right where you are, bringing him back to the reality of your arms hooked around his neck.

He rests his hands on your hips, dragging his fingertips down the soft flesh of them. The idea of touching you down there is making his head spin, he can’t wait any longer.

“Can I—”

“Yes, I want your fingers inside me,” you say before driving your lips back against his.

Without further ado, one of them goes straight to your core, making you jump a bit, breaking the kiss just for a second. He runs his index between your folds, feeling hot slick already coming out of you despite the fresh water around. His touch is light, slow, hesitant as it glides up and down, testing the waters. He’s getting a bit further, putting a bit more pressure with every stroke and earning a few pleased sighs from your heavenly mouth.

He expected a sudden reaction as soon as he found your clit, but that doesn’t mean he was prepared for the drawn-out moan coming out of your gorgeous lips, wet from his mouth and from your dip earlier. He wants to hear that again, every day for the rest of his life. He drags his thumb over it, again and again, slow at first, but then quicker and quicker, and your voice grows louder with every speed-up of his finger.

Your hands go frantic over him, running up his chest and down his abs in repeated motions that feel a lot like it’s lust driving your limbs much more than your mind. You stopped kissing him at some point, your mouth too busy expressing every ounce of pleasure you felt to focus on such basic motions. Your face is buried in his neck, your hot breath crushing against his skin.

He presses his index inside, but he’s so focused on what he’s doing, trying not to hurt you, that he doesn’t notice the shift of your own hand leaning down until he feels it cupping the painful bulge in his boxers. His eyes go wide with a gasp, and when he looks at you, you already have a playful, but intense, gaze piercing right through him.

“Did you think I was gonna let you play all on your own, Zuku?” Your fingers graze over the soaked fabric, down his entire length and to his balls, throwing gasoline on the fire that’s been consuming him for ages. “Don’t be selfish,” you whisper directly in his ear as your hands slip his underwear down his thighs.

As soon as the piece of cloth gets to join your forgotten panties on the shore, you wrap your pretty hand around him. And when you start stroking, his eyes roll so hard he swears he can see the inside of his skull. It feels better than he ever could have imagined; it’s blistering, astonishing. The only idea his brain can manage to work out right now is that he wants you to feel just as good.

He only notices now that his fingers stopped moving, and they go right back to a steady pace, but it’s a matter of seconds before he drives another finger into you. Soon, you’re both fucking the life out of each other with your hands. You’re sucking and nipping at his ear, and every single moan he draws out of you ends up turning against him, breaking into the defenses he built year after year by your side. He’s simply fucking into your hand now. He can’t help it, you feel so good. He doesn’t even want to think about what it’s going to feel like to fuck into your tight little cunt, he might cum hard just from the thought of it.

The spongy spot he finds inside you feels like he just struck gold. It’s glorious, the sounds you make right now, higher, louder. You’re tightening around his fingers, but it’s okay—you can crush them for all he cares. He wants you to moan higher for him, wants you to keep riding his fingers like your life depends on it.

“Izuku, ah—I’m close, I’m so close, please…”

“I got you, baby. I got you, shit—”

He quickens the pace again, feels like his fingers are gonna fall off his hand the moment he gets them out of you, but fuck, what his princess wants, his princess is gonna get. Your orgasms shatter the both of you to pieces, and in the bliss of his high, he can hear some birds flying away, scared by the harmonious, but probably very loud, song of your combined moans.

While his cum strikes out by ropes into the water, his clouded mind can only think about one thing.

He needs more of you.

You can barely stand on your knees, worn out from cumming the hardest you have in your entire life. You actually have to lean on Izuku so you don’t fall into the water head first like some boneless ragdoll. You just let your forehead rest on his shoulder and count the freckles there, splattered in a fascinating work of abstraction.

But apparently, he has other plans. You’re swiftly lifted up and out of the water, huge scarred hands firmly holding the back of your thighs that immediately come to circle his waist.

“Oh, nice. I don’t mind getting carried around like a baby. Where are we going?”

“Not far,” he says with a little grin, walking out of the water. “Do you think you’ll be able to walk?” His voice holds a sarcastic tone, one you’re not used to hearing out of Izuku’s angel mouth.

“I think I can manage, yeah.”

He drops you to stand on your legs, and immediately goes for his backpack. The sun has just set, its last rays of light filling the pink sky over your heads. You can still easily make out everything around you, and Izuku’s body is no exception.

You’re watching him with a raised eyebrow, letting your shameless gaze follow every curve you couldn’t see underwater. The day he started exercising in high school was the day you knew it was over for you. It was the day you couldn’t deny what you felt anymore, you couldn’t deny your best friend was everything you needed, and everything you wished for. The physical factor was only a—very pleasant— addition to the list of things that made you fall hard for Izuku Midoriya.

Your eyes linger over his impressive figure, staring at the dimples at the small of his back. You always knew they were here, but you never allowed yourself to look at them, to imagine how they would grow repeatedly hollow with every thrust of his hips into you.

He finally digs out what he was looking for: a plaid picnic blanket, because of course he would have one in there. He’s wearing a little victorious smile when he stands and turns around to spread it on a grassy spot that looks a lot more comfortable than the hard ground. He turns back to you but averts his gaze to the side, hardly looking directly at you for more than a second at a time. The heat of his gaze tracing your curves through quick glances pools deep in your core. 

“You know you can look, right?” You sure aren’t refraining from doing so after all.

His face reaches its usual redness—hasn’t he learned anything from making you cum like crazy with just his fingers? It’s cute nonetheless; Izuku will never change.

He doesn’t answer your rhetorical question, only gives you a shy command in that tentative, very cute voice of his.

“Could you lay down on this for me?”

You saw this coming, but still, you’re a bit surprised he’s asking you that out loud. You gladly oblige with your legs pressed together, slightly bent. It’s another golden opportunity to tease him a bit:. “This isn’t exactly the right use for this blanket. Aren’t we supposed to eat on this?”

He smiles at the ground while kneeling at your feet.

“Maybe that’s exactly what I’m planning to do.”

Your sly smile fades away. His tone is a contradictory mix of shyness and determination, so it’s a bit confusing but also unbearably hot—you swear an astounding wave of heat is crashing through your deepest parts, untouched, just from some words and a funny tone. You rub your thighs together before he grabs and parts them to slip himself between them.

He crawls over you and leans down to kiss you, a bit more confident than earlier. His hips are pressing between your legs, where you can feel his hardness best.

He’s rutting more and more against you as the kiss intensifies. You could think it’d be a lot less exciting now that you know he’s going to eat you out, there’d be no suspense. Wrong. The little shit apparently likes to tease you to death, because he left your lips to kiss your face, nip at your neck, suck at your ears. Dragging his devilish hands everywhere, pressing harder each time you get louder. An especially heavy whine makes him buck hard, his mouth back against yours.

“The more impatient you get, the slower it’s gonna be,” he murmurs against your lips, and starts to make his way down to where you want him, kissing every inch of you, clouding your mind with desire. It’s way too much and still not enough; it’s maddening. When he finally reaches down, you’re on the verge of a second orgasm like you hadn’t just come down a few minutes ago.

He’s holding your thighs apart in a firm grip. Just the touch of his fingers burns your skin deliciously, and the look he’s giving you from between your legs...his eyes are clouded, half-lidded, looking at the part of you he’s never gotten to see before. It feels like he’s been looking forever and just a second at the same time.

He finally dips into you, leaving butterfly kisses all over your inner thighs, punctuated by little nips, nuzzling the soft skin. He’s not looking you in the eye anymore, his gaze lingering all over your body—all over except for your face. You can make out a slight blush on his cheeks despite the dimness all around. You know him better than anyone, so you immediately recognize what’s going on in his mind just from the slightest hint in his eyes. He looks like he’s fighting a battle against himself, his shyness against his hunger. And you know who you’re both rooting for.

He finally gives in, and it takes your breath away. A single, slight lick on your clit and you’re gone. And the next ones, more and more intense, more and more hungry, push you further to tumble over your edge. He grunts into your heat, multiple times. Moans like he’s the one squirming under your mouth.

His hands hold a firm grip on your hips, squeezing the flesh and keeping you in place—he doesn’t even give you an inch to move. You can only take and take and take. But you still have the luxury of your free hands, and they rush to bury in the knots of his messy wet curls, your nails dragging, scratching his scalp.

His lips close on your clit and suck just a bit, and before you can refrain, you pull on his hair, hard. He gasps, and the moment you think you hurt him, he breathes his loudest moan, right into you. You’re filled with the vibrations—they spread all over your body, have you throwing your head back, trembling from head to toe.

The louder you are, the hungrier he gets, filling you with his insatiable tongue. You have to look at him right now. And you expected quite a show, but you certainly weren't prepared to see this—him rutting against the ground like an animal. You realize he’s getting off just from your taste, just from eating you out. His hips roll repeatedly, making you salivate just to the thought of those same hips bucking into yours, fucking you into oblivion. And the more he ruts, the louder he gets.

Now if he wants to moan, you’re going to give him a good reason to. 

You hint for him to face you with a light tug on his hair. As soon as he’s back up, he dives in to kiss you. You don’t let him. In a second he’s on his back with you seated on his hips.

“What did I say about letting you play on your own, hm?”

The ‘deer caught in headlights’ look is so cute on him. And the rest is a marvel to look at. You’re straddling him and he has no other choice than to let you devour him with your eyes—not that he couldn’t bounce you off of him with just a thrust of his hips, but he already would have if he wanted to. You let your gaze wander mindlessly over him—it’s surreal. There’s no way he’s actually under you, waiting for you to please him back with his mouth and jaw still shining with your juices. It has to be a dream—it’s always been after all.

You shift so you’re straddling his parted thighs. You can finally take a look at him. The whole thing, that is. His cock is resting against his lower stomach, hard and swollen and thick. It’s a pretty, bright pink, shining with pre-cum at the tip. Your mouth waters just at the sight of it.

He’s looking down at you, his face as flushed as his dick, that usual blush still exquisitely coating his freckles. You take him in your hand, dive in to give a lick to the tip and his head falls back down with a whimper. You let your tongue drag over the whole length on the underside, and your lips close around the tip in a wet smooch. His hips jerk up a bit, startling you.

You finally take him whole in your mouth, and you can feel his whole body tensing under you. You start bobbing up and down, going a bit further each time, earning a series of shameless moans because this boy is loud. You expected him to express himself during sex since he’s such a mumbler—and frankly, it was always one of your biggest fantasies, hearing him come undone because of you, lose any sense of shame and self-restriction when he’s such a anxious person otherwise.

But you could’ve thought about it every night and day and still never be ready for this. It’s sinful. His hand goes to grab your hair just like you did to him, and now you get why he liked it so much. The feel of his nails scratching your scalp is electrifying, soothing and destructive at the same time.

Your tongue hits a precise spot just under the tip and he jerks up again, nearly screams, “Fuck—yes, right there, please—d-do that again!”

And you do, you can only oblige—he asked so nicely. Your lips go up and down, over and over, your tongue grazing this spot with a bit more pressure every single time. You squint over him, and what you find there is a mess. Trying so hard not to buck into your mouth but failing miserably. Sounding like he’s at Heaven’s gate.

“Easy, Zuku. You’re gonna scare the birds away,” you chuckle against him, your lips brushing the tip, dripping with your saliva and pre-cum.

“Do I need to remind you…how loud you were for me earlier?” He’s looking back down at you as he speaks, a tremble in his voice telltale of his approaching climax. “You sounded...so good, baby, I swear...wanna hear you again, wanna make you scream, just for me, fuck—”

You can feel yourself soaking the blanket, can feel the slick trickle down your folds and stain the plaid cotton. Is he aware of what he’s doing? Or is he just saying whatever is going through his chaotic mind? In any case it has you starving. So you let go of his cock and, before he can protest, crawl back to his face and kiss him desperately. Tasting both of your fluids in a mindblowing mix.

You pull back just enough to be able to speak, because you need him to understand you loud and clear when you say:  “Please, Izuku, I need you inside me, I’ve waited so long. Please.”

“Okay, okay, fuck—” He cuts himself off, his eyes slightly drooping like a sad puppy. “I-I don’t have any condoms.”

“You mean you probably have pads in there for me but no condoms?” you say with your eyebrows raised, your mocking tone hinting at a teasing remark, far from criticism.

He frowns in confusion. “How do you know I have pads in there?”

“So the legend turns out to be true. After all these years—”

“Shut up, you’re impossible,” he chuckles heatlessly, resting his hands on your back.

“It’s okay. I’m on the pill,” you assure him with a soft tone.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m on the pill, yeah.”

He rolls his eyes, then clarifies, a hint of hesitation clear in his voice.

“No I mean...you’re sure you wanna do this?” He marks a brief pause, takes a short breath. “With me?”

You don’t even think before answering, it slips your mouth like it’s not even your own words: “I don’t want it with anyone else.”

There’s a silence.

“Fuck, that sounds cheesy,” you scoff, looking away.

“It does, but we’re both cheesy idiots, apparently.”

You look back at him. His smile is so fond, so loving; it melts your heart in the best way.

“I wanna be your cheesy idiot,” you say against his mouth, looking right into his eyes, willing to fall in them.

“You always have been,” he nearly whispers. It fills your stomach with familiar warmth, intense and overwhelming, comforting.

There’s a bittersweet taste in your mouth, one of regret and lost time and God, we’re idiots.

Now it’s about time you make up for it all.

You look down at him, rolling your hips against him, dripping all over his cock, coating him in your juices.

“I think I asked you something, didn’t I?”

A whimper escapes him at the feeling. His hips buck up slightly, hands gripping at your back. When you do it again, you don’t get the chance to see his reaction; you’re on your back again, him towering over you, his thigh between your legs.

He’s looking at you with something in his eyes you don’t recognize, but the tone he speaks with has your entire body quaking.

“And you’re gonna get it, sweetheart.”

He holds himself over his left forearm, his hand thumbing at your cheek while the other strokes the whole length of your thigh. Your noses are brushing, your breaths crashing together. Your hands hold tight to his nape, playing with the short hair mindlessly as you’re waiting to be filled, finally.

You feel the stretch instantly. You try to focus on those mesmerizing emerald gems he calls eyes. They look right through your soul, eating you up and you barely feel the pain. He’s taking it slow, inch by inch, giving you all the time you need, caressing your cheek with a tender stroke of his thumb.

“Relax for me, baby.”

Izuku’s voice is a soothing sound over the incessant chirping of the grasshoppers. It was always one of your favorite things to hear, its every tone another blessing to your ears. It’s loving when he asks if you’re okay, comforting when he whispers sweet nothings to you as you cry on his shoulder, heartening when he’s going on about anything he’s passionate about.

He’s kissing every part of skin he has access to, over your face, your jaw, your neck. You feel yourself relaxing around him, and roll your hips up to give him the hint.

When he starts moving it’s still slow and careful. He doesn’t break eye contact, so you can see his every reaction, and he can see all yours. His hand is still playing with your hair, even as his pace speeds up with every second. The weight of him over you feels amazing, it holds him close against you, countless parts of you both rubbing together: your chests, your stomachs, your thighs. He doesn’t even have a lot of space to move. But getting to touch and get touched by him like this, it's incredible. You always had him so close to you, always right there and still so out of reach.

You still need more; you’re insatiable. You need to see him come undone under you, because of you. You push him to roll on his back, and you end up straddling him, setting the pace yourself. You start bouncing up and down on his cock, taking balance on the hard planes of his abs. He immediately reaches up to grab your hips, guiding you along.

His face tenses up, frowning, his nose wrinkling, his lips parted just to let out a series of breathy sighs. He looks wrecked and dizzy and stunning. He’s keeping his eyes open, fixed up on you, specifically on your breasts, bouncing with your every motion. And you can feel his gaze on your skin just as much as you feel his hands gripping harder at the flesh below your hips.

“Eyes up here, Zuku,” you coo with two fingers pointed at your eyes.

He doesn’t answer, only sits up easily and wraps his arms around your waist.

“You look so amazing, you have no idea what you do to me,” he says with a trembling voice, filled with bliss.

Your heart misses a beat at his words, they fill you with warmth and comfort because he definitely doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing to you. He delves his face into your neck, kissing and nuzzling, his breath coming shorter and shorter, crashing against your skin and his hands running all over you. The sound of his hoarse voice resonates through the forest and through your soul, echoing an enchanting song.

With little effort, he puts you back under him so he can pound into you with full force, and your legs immediately come up to wrap around his waist, pulling him deeper. Your hands grab his hair, tugging to see if you get the same reaction as earlier, and it doesn’t miss: he lets out a groan right into your ear, speeding up his pace again.

The sky is dark now, and all you can hear are his moans and yours and the slap of your hips coming together repeatedly. Your head is thrown back when he grabs you by the hair, forcing you to turn your head and face him.

“Look at me. I wanna see you.”

“Izuku, I’m gonna—”

“I know, baby. Let go for me, come on.”

Just the feel of his hand trailing down your stomach awakens something in you, this familiar pressure growing tight in your belly. And when his fingers reach your clit, a couple of strokes are enough to have you screaming his name, tightening around him, and pulling him towards his climax with you. His thrusts come franticly as you milk him dry, clawing desperately at his back, panting in his mouth as he leaned down to kiss you through both your climaxes.

As soon as he comes down, he rolls over on his side, still laying close to you, an arm thrown over you. You both take a minute to catch your breaths and, weirdly enough, you don’t hear anything aside from your panting. You really must have scared the birds away. Izuku breaks the silence first.

“Do you wanna...sleep at my place?”

He’s looking over at you and, despite the sky getting dark, you can easily imagine the blush coating his cheeks right now, like he didn’t make you scream his name, drunk on his cock two minutes ago.

You can’t repress your fond smile at his proposition.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

You take a minute to gather your clothes from all over the place and get dressed, then grab your bag to tug it over your shoulder.

“You got everything?”

Izuku is waiting for you just outside the trees. You take a quick look around, making sure you haven’t forgotten anything, and turn around without a second look at the place.

Because although it was your first time setting foot here, it definitely won’t be the last; you will come back here with Izuku every chance you get, making it your shared secret, your own little wonderland.

You gladly take the hand he’s offering, making him blush a little harder, and you head straight back into the forest together.

You walk side by side as a comfortable silence settles, only disturbed by the grasshoppers’ incessant, boisterous chirping. The sky is utterly dark now, you can make out a few stars shining above the dense trees. You walk at a steady pace, but Izuku is going a bit faster with every step. Soon enough, he’s walking a bit ahead of you, still holding your hand. Another golden occasion to tease his eagerness.

“Are we in a hurry, Zuku?”

In the dark of the night, you struggle to make out the look on his face as he turns around to look at you. A second later, he’s running, and with your hand firmly held in his, you can’t do much but try to follow along. You giggle as you run, and it quickly grows into a belly-deep laughter. He’s fast, doesn’t get tired, but you follow him anyway, probably as eager as he is. You have to zig-zag so you don’t run straight into the massive trees standing in your way.

You get to the car in no time, but you’re both out of breath when you finally get in your respective seats, ready to go home.

Izuku doesn’t even wait to catch his breath before he starts the car, the engine roaring loudly in the silence of the night, probably scaring the birds away for the upteenth time that night. You catch his happy grin in the headlights glow before he heads back into the road.

You have a feeling the night is not over; you’ve only got twenty years to make up for after all.

[hajimine]

Hey can you do a Haikyuu scenario of how Iwaizumi, Bokuto, Sakusa, and Daichi take care of us after we get out wisdom teeth out?

➵ HOW THEY TAKE CARE OF YOU AFTER YOU GOT YOUR WISDOM TEETH REMOVED

characters. iwaizumi hajime, bokuto kōtarō, sakusa kiyoomi, sawamura daichi

!! warnings. use of laughing gas for medical reasons, IMPLIED surgery (wisdom teeth removal), mentions of medicine/painkillers, mentions of blood

a/n: such a cute request omg i love it!! this takes place right after you got home from the dentist :> also when i had them taken out all i wanted to do was sleep and/or eat so ig this is a reflection of my own experiences lol

IWAIZUMI HAJIME ➞ iwa carries you bridal style towards your bedroom, chuckling at your loopy state. “do you want anything to drink babe? some warm water?” he whispers after tucking you in bed, making sure you have a couple of pillows under your head. mind still hazy from the laughing gas, you reach out blindly to grab his arm, “don’t- stay- c’mere ‘jime,” you grumble, a pout on your lips. his heart warms at the sight of you, “okay baby, i won’t go.” he quietly slips in bed beside you, strong arms wrapped around your figure. iwa smiles as you snuggle closer to him, shivering slightly as you take in his body heat. he’s careful to avoid your mouth, making sure that all of the gauze are in its correct position. he presses a kiss on the crown of your head, humming, “let me know if anything hurts, okay?”

BOKUTO KŌTARŌ ➞ bo would definitely fuss over you, holding your face in his hands as he inspects you for any sort of pain while you sit on the couch, “does it hurt anywhere baby? do you need ice? painkillers? are you bleeding?” you swat his hand away blindly, head a little dizzy from being moved around. “‘wanna sleep. my head hurts.” you mumble, resting your forehead on his chest. he laughs gently, realizing that he has been overly-worried for nothing. he bends down to carry you, holding you by the back of your thighs as your arms clasp securely behind his neck. he gently puts you down on the bed, pulling the covers up to your chin before pressing a soft kiss on your forehead. “i’ll call ‘kaashi to ask him for his soup recipe, kay? you’re gonna have to eat a little something when you wake up bubba.”

SAKUSA KIYOOMI ➞ sakusa treats you with a surprising amount of gentleness, voice soft as he helps you sit down on the bed. “wait here, i’ll grab you a cup of warm water and some painkillers.” he’s very understanding of your state, not particularly bothered by the slightly bloodied gauze in your mouth. “you’re gonna have to be careful okay? soft foods only and no straws. don’t forget to rinse your mouth with an antisep-” you cut him off before he rambles on any longer, a small smile on your face. he gets like this when he’s worried—it’s his way of showing that he cares. “omi, wanna watch netflix with me?” you mumble, voice a little unclear but he still understands you nonetheless. sakusa sighs, biting back a smile. he wanted to chastise you for taking it so lightly, but seeing you all cozy and smiley under the blanket makes his heart flutter. he has never been able to say no to you anyway. “alright angel, anything for you.”

SAWAMURA DAICHI ➞ daichi helps you sit down on the couch, wrapping a fluffy blanket around your figure before crouching down to level himself with you, “do you want anything to eat?” you blink sleepily at him, a dopey grin on your lips, “i want nuggets.” he chuckles, shaking his head at your antics. “clear soup it is then.” daichi laughs when you pout at him, arms crossed and nose turned away from him dramatically. “c’mon gorgeous, no solid foods remember? doctor’s orders.” you continue to ignore him, giving him a loud huff for good measure. daichi bites back another laugh, not wanting to annoy you any further. he runs his thumb across your cheekbone gently, pressing a butterfly kiss on the skin between your brows to smooth your frown out. your petulant act seem to melt away under his touch—you can’t stay mad at him for too long anyway. “i’ll get you as many nuggets as you want when you’re completely healed, alright?”

writing masterlist | requesting rules | taglist is in the comments

reblogs are highly appreciated!! <3

[thefanficmonster]

Hello! Could i request headcanons for Karl Heisenberg and reader with low self-esteem? They very often think in a bad way about themselves and feel like a burden. They believe they are not beautiful enough, not good enough, not smart enough and in their opinion Karl deserves a far better partner than them. Thank you very much!

Of course darling! Enjoy the headcanons 💕

Pairing: Karl Heisenberg x Reader (Gender Neutral) [Resident Evil Village]

Warnings: Self Esteem Issues, Insecurities, Swearing, Minor SPOILERS for Resident Evil Village

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Fluff

- You've always had a tough time with yourself

- You can't remember a single time you've looked in the mirror and seen nothing wrong

- There was always something

- A birth mark that bothered you

- The shape of your nose

- The size of your forehead

- The look of your body in general

- You aren't a shallow person, by any means

- You find practically everyone beautiful

- Unfortunately, everyone but yourself

- Your disliking for yourself goes beyond just the outside appearance, it delves deeper into your personality and character

- You believe you're too emotional for your or your partner's good

- You think you fall head over heels too quickly and then become clingy in fear of losing the person

- And why might you lose them, or why you think you might lose them?

- For all your aforementioned insecurities

- Karl hadn't noticed the way you looked at the mirror's reflection in utter distaste

- The ugly comments you so casually dropped about yourself flew over his head as self-deprecating jokes

- He was right about the first part, but they certainly weren't jokes

- Just lines upon lines of self-deprecation

- One day, he seemed to have caught onto the seriousness of the insults you aimed at yourself all the time

- "Y/N, why do you keep saying that nasty crap about yourself?" He asked you, surprising you

- All your life you'd gotten used to expressing minimal amount of your negative feelings and even when you did you'd laugh as though they were your stand-up comedy lines

- And no one ever questioned it, until now

- You shrugged, "I'm just pointing out the obvious. I'm aware of how I look, you don't have to play pretend with me, Karl."

- While you avoided eye contact to the best of your ability, Karl was staring at you with mighty confusion that would've probably burnt holes through his sunglasses if he had been wearing them

- "What's obvious to me is that you put yourself down on accounts that aren't even true. You underestimate yourself and undermine all your amazing qualities, choosing to instead focus on your lesser ones. I mean, we all have bad qualities, bad habits, whatever, but you...." he trailed off with a sigh

- It was clear he had fallen deep in thought but you didn't want to disturb him, so you let him think it out and after a minute or so, he spoke up again, "I..-I just wish you could see yourself through my eyes."

- You may not be able to do that, but you were definitely looking at him through your teary eyes and that did quite a number on your perspective

- "Since that's impossible, let me tell you what I see instead..." he closed the gap between you, placing the rough palms of his hands on your face, cupping your cheeks gently

- "I see an incredibly smart, brave and righteous person. Someone who isn't afraid to speak up or make a move when nobody else will. Someone who'd jump in the line of fire without a second thought to save a practical stranger. I see someone who deserves all the world has to offer and all the love I could give them. I see someone who has found it in them to love someone like me. Someone as beautiful, incredible, amazing, intelligent, someone like that, falling for me? I can still hardly believe it..." He chuckled, going astray with his sentence again before regaining the trail

- "And lastly, I see someone who needs to love themself more. Someone who needs to love themself as much as I love them. And you may not be able to see yourself through my eyes, but I will, from now on, tell you exactly what I see every day. I'll never let those negative thoughts invade your head again."

- All you could do is nod, seeing him smile as his thumbs brushed the tears off your collarbones

- "There you go, darling. Badass as always."