#black adam i think ill just like to like

[jrueships]

top 5 movies

OOOO OKAY so i actually hate doing top tens because i overthink everything and constantly switch things around SOO... im just gonna do a collection of five things bee likes SORRY FOR THE FALSE ADVERTISING 😭

1 City of God

i hate telling people this is one of my fav movies cus I don't wanna seem like that pretentious person who only watches foreign films for the sake of watching foreign films. This is literally my favorite movie because it's my favorite movie. I don't really watch a lot of movies and this just happened to be one i found and happened to like! I read the book first (dont. By the way. It kinda sucks partly because it got translated poorly so not it's fault but mainly because it's violence for the sake of violence. Like if the movie went just by book, i wouldn't like it. But it doesn't so <3 )

think of the movie and the book like No Country For Old Men. The book goes for shock and suspense and the movie goes to make it Art. It's a really pretty film and you kinda value it more knowing like. None of the actors went anywhere. They did their piece for the film then that's pretty much all. It's a good film of a bad film that made it good film? Like what happens is bad, but the bad doesn't happen just to happen and be Bad. IDK man !

Next is

YEAH SO. LMAO um 😭 let's get this clear i hate b*ll i hated him from the beginning righteous prick and i always skipped his parts in the show or used it to do homework when i was lil. I JUST REALLY LOVED THE ANIMATION!! the show and the movie is ass tho. BUT IT'S THE KINDA ASS... you Enjoy 😈. All intentions possible. I love love LOVE watching this movie with friends so we can make fun of it and point out the terrible writing, not in a 'we're better sense' but a 'LMFAO WTF WAS THAT????'

it's a very WTF WAS THAT movie and i love it 😭. Weird Harold, Rudy, and Otis (yall don't even know any of these people but especially Otis. All u gotta know is he's the best) carried. Dumb Donald has a great design cartoon wise but he got on my nerves. He's alright tho

the harder they fall's soundtrack is SO good. It's so cool, it's just a COOL movie. It's an action movie so some of the characters could've been written better (especially some of the women. They werent written horrible but they had more potential that you can feel wasnt justly reached), but the characters they spent time on, you could tell. From their stories and personalities and dialogue and interactions, very cool!!! Sometimes an almost anime-esque kind of movie? Sometimes shot like Scott pilgrim? Sometimes sphagetti western.. Sometimes action.. Sometimes comedy! It's a COOL movie that you can think about a little bit but not cramp yourself over. It's not a complete turn your brain off though. It's engaging in what it is! Which is a lot of things, so it's very engaging!!!

Blade!!!!!! The patron Saint of joth gf!! my first!!! my beloved!! my EVERYTHING!!!!! the movie's writing shows its time in only having personality in 'crazy side villain who dies' 'clever quip when someone dies' 'sad for short time when someone dies'. Maybe the new blade movie wouldn't be in such a fumbling state if i was in the writer's room with my divine, lifesaving advice of 'just make blade more babygirl'. Literally. That's all you have to do. It's not that difficult. ANYWAYS yeah he and the flash and hawkman were my 3 only childhood 'superhero' heroes. This is more of a personal childhood attachment thing like Albert than being a.. Good movie. BUT it DOES have its cinematography! You can feel the wuxia inspiration in some scenes

these two can sit in the same space because they're both childhood films as well. Boyz was better at leaning into characters as human (which i value a lot) and menace was better at showing the edge of what life can do to characters. They're both good films in their own right! Check em out! I liked menace way more than the other when i was younger but growing up im leaning more toward the other but they're AGAIN theyre both super snazzy

Some honorable mentions... to make up for the lack of a ranking system:

- New Jack City: NEWWW JACK! CIIIITYYY (NEW JACK CITYY 🎶 !!) older blaxplotation movie so cheesy, cheap, but like? Cool??? cut out the cheesy old cop crud and you get an entertaining villain with an entertaining mob. Also there's one death in the movie that's a brutal one, and it's offscreen. You just see a glimpse of the desecrated aftermath. Those are like the best deaths in a movie tbh. The imagination being our biggest friend and our biggest enemy. Love it love it!

- dead presidents: WAR IS TRAUMATIZING!!!

- mean girls: the Brutus speech about Cesar.. no essay can compare. Shakespeare shut the fuck up bitch

- clueless: 🥰

- little shop of horrors: open up here i come

- in the wood: STACY!!!!!!!

- Rocky: Apollo slayed and then he died

- sky high + high school musical: Disney peaked with these characters then never again

- FRIDAY + Friday 2: loved the 'you don't need a weapon' moral trying to be taught then using a weapon (brick) in the end. Seamless

- ratatouille: the wii game ratatouille was my red dead redemption

- baby jody: all manchilds need to watch this. It's hilarious and it's true. Don't be a manchild. Grow up. OH also the mom has a little garden and it's really cute. And she's super buff. People try to plant shit in her garden. Makes me so mad. We can never have nice things!!!

- coraline: the movie was so cool.. the video game on the wii scared me so bad i had nightmares from the bad game over screens. But the designs were great the elements the songs the using good characters abilities into their bad character abilities UGH it was SO cool!!! i hate people that like coraline though... it's like.. idk how to describe it. there's like two types of theater people... either really really nice or seems really nice, actually a huge usually passive aggressive or control freak holier than thou smart ass who thinks they're the stem of theater because their personality is loving hamilton (i fucking hate hamilto

- hot boyz: this movie is straight ass

- king of New york: this one kinda sucked too but the secondary villain was gay and awesome

- Good Burger: i watched a blossoming boy romance in a place that sells burgers. Good burgers.

- Monster House

they survived because they had sex

-Kung fu panda all of them except maybe not the 3rd: just gorgeous gorgeous movies. The animation is stunning

- Hustle & flow: Ludacris !!!!!!!!! Acts!! He gets his ass kicked but that's ok. I think in another film he also gets his ass kicked? I can't remember tho. He loves losing

- Se7en: themed kills that play with unique abilities 🥰🥰 i don't have the patience for a murder mystery so i don't remember who did it or what was in the box and i don't cool. Seven deadly sins awesome

- Barbershop: mollusk man and preppy man should've had sex. Hate sex specifically

- that one movie? 9?: i watched it when i was little and alone. The Bara fucking dies

- Johnny English Reborn aka THE MR BEAN X DANIEL KALUUYA MOVIE IM TELLING YOU THEY HAD S*X!!!!!!@ it's actually a mainly unfunny movie with some funny parts like most older comedies but it's gay so it's ok

- encanto: i don't like encanto like Some people like encanto but it was the first movie that made me upset, I can't even Identify why?? It got me in my feelings and i don't even know!! How!! Or what!!!! I wouldn't say it's my favorite movie in terms of i want to see it again because i Like it, but it IS a good movie!! Like objectively it's great

- night at the museum: gay

- white chicks: the dancing scene? Monster high wishes it could

- cars: the purple car was so hot

- mo' better blues: so much could be solved if hate sex...

- remember the titans: football polycule and mean man

- fences: father issues . The Movie.

- into the spiderverse: yes.

- the players club: her boyfriend's name was Lance who tf is called Lance who is real? Like a real person? Lance is for GTA Lance Vance who likes to Dance. He cheated because he was always fake. Like Lance armstrong.. they are not. Real people.

- NOPE: the spectacle idea is SOOOOO

- glory road: gay people gay people gay basketball people gay

- space jam: i thought this was the coolest shit when i was little but the part where Michael's manager got flattened gave me nightmares.

Let It Shine: lord of Da Bling.....

-space jam 2: robot dame is still hot

- Get Out: I liked reading the script a lot for this one!! Also gay. Loving gay couple who survived crazy white people and coparent a tiny dog very well. A well deserved happiness

- jump in: this movie is like fat albert to me

- white men can't jump: gay couple school the system (love wins)

- Jason takes manhattan: my favorite character is on watchmojo top ten best Jason kills 😭😭 Julius gaw you should've won and i stand by that. Should've donkeykicked him in the stomach ROLL CREDITS!!!!

[grandlinedreams]

would you ever consider doing AS!reader with azriel about them having their first child? just all the angst and fear of it and poor azriel worrying? luv luv luv your writing!

Hiya!! I actually had been playing around w the idea of it so I hope this is to your liking!!

|| [AS!reader masterlist]

|| warnings: pregnant!reader, Azriel being rightfully worried, brief description of childbirth

You don't feel right.

Part of you wants to blame it on the fact that your mate hasn't been home the last couple of days. Away to perform his duties as Spymaster for Rhysand, you've felt Azriel's absence more intensely with the emptiness of the bed and nothing to soothe you but the answering tug on the bond.

But it isn't just him being away that has you unsettled ㅡ it's also the scent that's joined yours. Softer and sweeter, it's just an undertone ㅡ but it's enough to have you seeking out Madja for a proper answer, worried that you've caught some strange illness. But part of you knows the answer before she even confirms it ㅡ you're pregnant.

Part of you is over the moon, elated to be carrying your mate's child ㅡ but the fact that you still have to tell him tempers some of your excitement. Given that the two of you are recently mated, the conversation of children hadn't come up yet ㅡ and now it needs to.

Azriel is tired.

You can tell from the set of his shoulders, the way his wings are held just enough to keep them from dragging on the floor ㅡ so when he quietly sinks onto the bed and pulls you to him, you let him.

Azriel splays you over him, arms wound around you as his face meets your neck, sighing as you drag your fingers through his hair. "You can go to sleep, you know."

His grip tightens on you. "Want to spend time with you," he mumbles, pressing further against your neck. "You smell good."

You hum as he inhales, letting your scent sweep over him ㅡ and when he stills, you know he's noticed the change to it. Your heart hammers, but you keep combing your fingers through his hair. "You'reㅡ"

"I am." You play with a dark curl. "Madja confirmed it. I know we hadn't talked about having kids, and I don't even know if you want themㅡ"

"I want them." Azriel's voice is quiet, lips brushing against your skin. "I want them with you, but..." His grip tightens again, unspoken worry igniting ㅡ for both you and the baby growing in your womb.

Because he's Illyrian, and you're not. And with the way Feyre had struggled with Nyx, if your baby has wings...

Your lips meet the top of his head, trying to soothe the fizz of worry that ignites on his side of the bond. "We'll figure it out," you say softly. "Just take it one day at a time, okay?"

Azriel exhales. "Okay."

Azriel watches your body change. The scent that grows stronger as your stomach swells with the growth of the baby inside you. Paranoia has him adamant that he accompany you to every check in with Madja ㅡ even more so when you learn that the baby does indeed have wings.

Azriel had been protective before, but it's in overdrive now. If he can't physically be with you, one of his shadows is ㅡ curling against your stomach in a gentle caress before looping around your arm as a band of inky black.

He's gentle when he touches you, afraid that you'll break ㅡ and all you do is watch as he monitors the way the baby kicks against his hand.

"I hope our daughter knows how loved she already is," you murmur, and it takes Azriel a minute to register your words before he looks up at you.

"Daughter?" He echoes hoarsely. "We're having a girl?"

You nod. "I hope that's okay," you say, and then Azriel is moving up so that he can kiss you, the intensity of his mouth against yours and protective hand against your belly letting you know that it's more than okay.

Your daughter is born early.

It makes him worry something is wrong ㅡ but she's a fighter, and Azriel thinks that his heart might truly shatter as he listens to the pained noises that you make in the throes of labor.

Sweat plasters your hair to your face, turns your skin blotchy with the effort of pushing the baby out ㅡ but you're still the most beautiful thing in the world to Azriel.

Even more so for the way your face lights up as the newborn is placed against your chest. Tiny but all together perfect even for arriving weeks before she should have, he watches as you kiss the head of fine, dark hair and stroke a finger against her cheek, evoking the barely there twitch of those little wings folded against her back.

It hits him all at once. Azriel is a father now. You're a mother. You have a child. Half you, half him ㅡ your daughter, who watches him with little eyes the color of yours as he murmurs softly, "Welcome to the world, little one. I'm your dad."

[lemmetreatya]

content: black coded reader, soft ony omg, cunnilingus, blowjob

nerd!onyankopon who doesnt get into too much trouble and sticks to himself during most of uni

nerd!onyankopon whos so good to you — always cheering you on with your hobbies and making you feel secure within your relationship. he didnt entertain other girls and even when they did have the audacity to try it with him, he knew how to stay faithful.

“look sweetheart, im flattered you’d try move to me but imma tell you two reasons why im turning you down.”

the blonde girl gave nerd!onyankopon a quizzical look, her eyebrows raising at the sheer distraught of a man denying her.

“reason two, my beautiful wife of a girlfriend over there wouldn’t like that.” hed say as he pointed to you. “but reason number one, is because i wouldn’t like that and neither want to do wrong by her a day in my life. now do us both a favour and keep it pushing.”

nerd!onyankopon who knew he was smart but didnt allow his intelligence to undermine how you felt in the relationship. if you said the stars were made yesterday then nerd!onyankopon would agree and fight anyone who disagreed.

nerd!onyankopon who was superb at time-keeping but when it came to spending time with you, would rather throw time away just so he could be in your presence undisturbed.

“shawty, imma be real with you right now” nerd!onyankopon flops his head onto the warmness of your plush thighs, his throat making a whiney noise along with it. “i really dont wanna study for this final.”

you can only but laugh at his uncompliance, your hand automatically lifting to pat at his head.

“come on, pa. you know this shits important.” you try.

“yeah but i have no incentive to do it.”

with a raised eyebrow, you give your pouting boyfriend a look.

“you want an incentive? oh okay, ill give you an incentive.” you giggle as you lean down to whisper something* into his ear.

all of a sudden, nerd!onyankopon is shooting upwards to look at you, his eyes wide and his smile addictive.

“for real?!” he beams.

“for real for real!”

nerd!onyankopon doesnt waste time in scrambling to go sit at his desk and start revising, suddenly excited for what you had in store for him.

*(you promised him you’d play 2K with him)

nerd!onyankopon who was nervous to approach the topic of sex with you because he didn’t want to make you feel pressured into anything or make you feel like he just wanted you for your body.

nerd!onyankopon was adamant that he sat down and had an open conversation with you about how to approach your sex life — and you did — but it turns out you both had the same concerns and were pretty much on the same page

nerd!onyankopon who waited a few weeks before trying anything.

nerd!onyankopon who somehow ended up between your legs whilst you were watching a random movie. his mouth understanding against your cunt as he made out with your lower lips. how hed occasionally glance up at you or squeeze your hand to make sure you were okay, loving the small pretty sounds you made whenever he’d sensually suckle on your clit.

how he’d say “you dont have to return anything” once you’d come down from your high. “i just wanted to make you feel good” but you’re adamant you always want to make him feel the way he made you.

youve never heard nerd!onyankopon make these sort of noises before — the experience is so new to you both — but you love how short his breaths are when you suck at the head of his dick and then engulf your mouth over the rest of him.

how nerd!onyankopon cant help but give you praises of “you’re so good at this, mama” or “just like that, jusssst like that, princess”.

even when hes about to cum, nerd!onyankopon is still so patient with you. “im g-gonna…baby, take your…let go, im gonna cum.” you unclamp your mouth from his cock, eyes doey as you look up at him, but not all before he lets out a guttural moan and spurts his load over your cheeks and top lip.

“oh my god, im so sorry.” hed try to issue an apology, thinking youd be put off by where he landed but you only shake your head.

“don’t worry. its fine. i just wanted to make you feel good” you echo and nerd!onyankopon has to stop himself from falling more in love

for: @neptunes1nterweb

[soleminisanction]

I've always really liked DC's in-house choice of referring to their various superhero groupings as "families," but it has gotten a little frustrating recently with people both in canon and in fandom seeming to forget that families aren't just a parental-unit-and-kids formation. They're complicated, and a lot of the DC families are too messy to fit into that neat little nuclear family mode.

Which is to say... here's some scattered thoughts/summaries about how these families are actually structured in canon, because I think it's interesting:

Supers -- The smaller, more traditional Superfamily (Clark, Lois, Kara, Kon, etc.) is a pretty traditional Midwestern nuclear family, with Jimmy Olsen filling the role of close family friend/goofy neighbor sidekick (in the Silver Age, he was Kara's would-be suitor) and Steel feeling more like part of Clark's personal circle of friends. The recent line up, though, with Jon, the twins, Kong and Nat? Starts to feel more like some old dynasty or noble house, complete with fostered foundlings and the Steels acting almost like knights under a noble's banner, possibly reflective of what the House of El would have been on Krypton.

Arrows -- Might currently be the closet to a traditional nuclear family structure. You've got Ollie and Dinah, their younger sisters, Ollie's adopted and biological children, and Ollie's granddaughter through Roy, plus by some counts Roy's co-parent and her sister as "in-laws." Bonnie and Cissie King-Jones are adjacent to but not technically "part" of the family, though I believe it's implied at one point that Ollie might also be Cissie's bio-dad. Pretty straightforward, these guys are actually family and they act like it, for good and ill.

Shazam Family -- Also a literal, actual family. Not originally, the original golden age "Marvel Family" was considerably more complicated and only Billy and Mary were full siblings, but nowadays the whole point of the modern Shazam family is that they're foster siblings united by familial love and that's fantastic. Meanwhile your average Black Adam story is 75% angsty family drama, 25% Egyptian mythology references.

Flashes -- Technically closer to three nuclear families (the Allens, the Wests and the Garricks; four if you include the Quicks), two of whom are united by marriage and all of whom are bound by the Speedforce, which, given its semi-spiritual connections to things like Speedster afterlives, can act almost like a religious force that connects them to the additional members like Avery, Circuit Breaker and Max as Bart's foster-dad. They're a big, sprawling tree with more cousins than siblings, the kind of family that functionally has a reunion every Christmas and Thanksgiving.

Lanterns -- Now these guys are the exception that proves my point about the whole 'family' thing not being straightforward. The lanterns aren't a family, they're a corps. Soldiers. Space cops. Comrades-in-arms. They respect each other, have each other's backs, might even like or care about each other, but those last two are optional, and they don't have the same kind of assumed obligations towards each other that a family would have. They're friends and co-workers, not family, but that doesn't mean their relationships are less significant, they're just different.

Wonders -- Roughly half of them are either one of Hippolyta's daughters (Diana, Donna, Nubia pre-Crisis) or related to them through the gods (Cassie), and the other half (Artemis, Yara, modern-age Nubia) use sister as a term of endearment more in a utopian lesbian commune kind of way. I think they brought Steve Trevor back recently? He's basically the Ken in this equation and perfectly fine with that role. None of which should be surprising if you've seen Professor Marston and the Wonder Women.

Bats -- This is the one that people get really wrong when they try to force it into a traditional family structure. Don't let WFA fool you, the Bats are and have always been way more a snarled mess of tangled interpersonal relationships than they've ever been a cohesive family. Whether Dick is Bruce's son or his brother depends on what era you're talking about, and the former reading is much more recent than you think -- as in "started cropping up in the early 2000s" recent. Barbara is both Cassandra's sister and her mother. Duke and Steph both have living parents and neither of them want or would ever dream of treating Bruce like their dad; Tim was the same way until his dad died. None of the Robins ever lived in the mansion together, nor did Cass. Babs considered Jean-Paul Valley her brother and Huntress is so close to Tim she once hallucinated him calling her Big Sister. They're a beautiful mess of people finding places where their broken edges fit together into something that works for them and trying to reduce it down to a cozy nuclear family is just so goddamn reductive and lazy.

Blue Beetles -- Are only tangentially related to each other. Seriously, they never even get direct mentoring, each one just takes over when the previous one dies and works on completely different rules from the other two. They're complete strangers bound by a legacy and that's honestly pretty fun.

Zataras -- There's only three of them and they're literally a father, daughter and cousin.

Martians -- Not really a family because there's only the two of them, but an interesting case where the two survivors of what was functionally a war of mutually assured destruction came together in an attempt to find some peace in the aftermath of what they'd lost.

Titans -- The JLA and JSA aren't really in the "family" category, but the Titans lean into it hard, mostly because they're a textbook found family. They don't mirror a nuclear family structure, they're simply a group of people who came together to form a mutual support network. They're the idealized college friends you grew into your own with, some of them childhood companions and others you only met once you leave home for the first time, but all of them friends that you manage to maintain contact with for life, with everyone coming back together even as you scatter and do your own things.

Young Justice -- Meanwhile, this team is the chaotic group of misfits you hung out with when you were a teenager, especially when you were just starting to be allowed to act without adult supervision. You drive each other crazy, none of you know you're all queer as fuck, and you'd fight a bear for any of them even if they asked you not to. They'd probably be insulted if you tried to call them a family. They come out here to get away from their families, thank you very much.

[starstruckwillows]

1725 — regulus black ♡

requested by anon<3

regulus black x fem!reader, platonic!marauders, hurt/comfort, fluff, brief panic attack, swearing, non descript mention of feeling ill

you’re best friends with the marauders, but you like regulus

the marauders were used to your sunny disposition and easy smiles, greeting them in the corridors with side hugs before tearing off wherever you needed to be. taking random photos and losing them three days later.

you were a bit of blur like that.

but recently they’d noticed you pulling away. and it wasn’t just them. there were bags frequenting the areas beneath your eyes, less pep in your step, that sort of thing. the usual signs of stress.

it was beginning to worry your friends.

“hey, are you co-” james tried, but you smiled weakly and were off down the corridor at record speed.

remus approached you with a copy of the daily prophet, not looking up at you as he did so, “have you seen th-”

you’d slipped away.

flitwick sat you next to peter in charms, upon the gryffindor boy’s request. a plea of personal concern. apparently the teacher’s had noticed your sudden swing as well. but you were out the class and feigning a headache in the sick room moments later.

well, not feigning. the lack of sleep was pounding inside your head recently.

you weren’t sure why this was impacting you so greatly. it was a... crush. it was a few torrid, heart pounding moments. a couple of emotional conversations. some hands brushing. one hug.

and it was wrong, so you weren’t going to act on it. you couldn’t.

but it was weighing you down.

“what’s going on?” you’d been so absorbed in your own thoughts, and the rising bile in your throat as a product of your over thinking, you hadn’t noticed sirius corner you.

you coughed, “we’re in a library, sirius, keep your voice down.”

there was a raw quality to your voice, a consequence of crying. he noticed it immediately.

“please talk to me.”

trying not to choke, “i can’t.”

he froze, “why? seriously, what’s going on? you’re scaring me.”

the panic was starting to take hold of you again. the dust on the shelves was settling in your lungs, constricting them painfully.

the eldest black brother was no stranger to these attacks. the icy, burning grips of them. he sat you down, and you tried to ignore the grime on the floor.

“this is worrying us all now, love. you can talk to me, you always can.”

despite your calmer state, you were adamant, “i can’t. it’s fine. i’ll... stop. i just need space.”

“you need sleep. like, yesterday. but this is clearly bothering you, so will you please just out with it.”

you shook your head, stomach churning, “i feel awful. i can’t.”

sirius stopped pushing. a little hurt that you acted like you couldn’t trust him, which is why he later went to find you again. he never was one for letting things be.

he found you at the astronomy tower, in an apparent argument with someone. you sounded in enough distress that he stuck around.

“i’m sorry. it’s too complicated, our lives are just incompatibile. we can’t see each other anymore.” you cried.

a lower voice he almost recognized protested, also sounding thick with tears, “i don’t understand. you said it didn’t matter. we knew it would be hard-”

you cut him off, “what would be hard? we... we aren’t together. i’ve cried myself sick over it already, regulus. this can’t work. sirius would never be okay with it.”

there was a slight pang that you were putting your potential happiness aside because of him, but sirius’ main feeling was anger and it’s source was his younger brother constantly getting involved in his life.

it was that burn of resentment that had him rounding the corner, spiteful words pouring free that he wasn’t completely sure he meant.

“and here i was worried about you, coming to check on you, when all that was wrong was you screwing around with my brother.”

sirius wasn’t cold. he was anger and frustration, an open flame, spitting oil.

you didn’t face him, eyes trained on regulus’ face. pale skin streaked with salty tears, dark eyes clouded, and a slight tremor in his hands. suddenly, maintaining sirius’ expectation wasn’t your main priority. regulus was hurting, because of you.

“please.” his whisper was almost inaudible.

but then you did look at sirius. and he was hurting too. and you’d caused it.

“sorry, i can’t be here.” you muttered, and fled. it was unlike you, someone who always faced their problems head-on, to be so flighty. you’d gone from grabbing the bull by it’s horns to hiding in a bush until it passes.

sirius misplaced the blame for your change on his brother.

“you couldn’t stop at my bedroom? or quidditch? you had to start fucking my friends?”

regulus wasn’t crying anymore, “we’re not like that, we haven’t... it’s none of your business sirius, you can’t tell either of us who we can date.”

sirius scoffed, “i know. but she ended it, so you can stop now.”

“i don’t want to,” regulus protested, “she only ended it because of you. you keep ruining things.”

“i keep ruining things? fuck off.” he left his younger brother up there, fuming.

the next day, you felt everyone was avoiding you. realistically, sirius had only told james, but every eye felt trained and you couldn’t cope.

regulus tried to openly approach you, something that had never happened before, multiple times over the following days. everytime you saw him, you ran, continually contradicting your usual fight or flight response.

this was supposed to be better. a blip to be moved past, then things with your friends could go back to normal. but regulus, your regulus, wasn’t a ‘blip’. you couldn’t attempt to think of him in such a callous way.

james found you in a detention you’d received for skipping class, and he’d received for a variety of recent pranks. neither of you could leave.

a part of you expected him to cold-shoulder you, but you knew really he would never.

“hey, how are you?” he askd, with a sincere smile you’d missed greatly.

you couldn’t find it in yourself to reciprocate that as you quietly answered, “alright. you?”

james shrugged, “i’m great, but i don’t think you are.”

“maybe not.” you trod lightly. james and sirius were more brothers than regulus and sirius were, and you imagined sirius was still furious with you.

his face twisted briefly, like he was having an internal fight, before saying, “you shouldn’t end your thing with regulus just because of sirius.”

whatever you were expecting him to tell you, it wasn’t that. you shrugged, “not just because of sirius. it wouldn’t have worked anyway.”

“why?” you weren’t prepared for james’ questioning. it wasn’t pressing, it sounded genuinely casual.

you shrugged, “he’s a... y’know, bad guy.”

“who told you that? sirius?”

yeah, you wanted to say, and he’s biased.

but you didn’t. again, you shrugged.

james paused once more before blurting, “he feels bad. sirius, i mean, for getting involved and shouting at you, and... i don’t know. no matter how he feels about his brother, he loves you, and he didn’t mean to make you cry. inadvertently or not. plus, remus laid into him pretty hard.”

you kicked back in your chair, teetering over the edge. you weren’t so sad as lost. the gum in your mouth had long abandoned flavour as you considered. talking to james, you felt more like yourself than you had in weeks.

“i miss them. but i can’t have both. y’know what sirius says, bros over hoes.” the jest was an attempt to lighten the mood, and while it worked because james was as easily humoured as ever, he didn’t let you dismiss it all so easily.

he stood in front of your desk, tipping your chair forward so you didn’t fall and crack your head, and planted his hands on your desk, “you don’t owe this to either of them. they’ll get over it, don’t tell sirius i said that, and you deserve to be happy. put yourself first for once.”

“hypocrite,” you mumbled, but you were swayed. james was good at that.

“i’ll sort flitwick. go find regulus.”

so you did. and it took some tears, a lot of explaining, and the clear planning of boundaries, but you did. you found each other.

it wasn’t long after you sought out sirius, sitting down in front of him and sliding a piece of paper across the desk. he looked up at you confused, “well i’m glad to see you mate, but why the blank bit of paper?”

“1725. treaty of vienna. we’re gonna be peaceful and stuff.”

amusement lit his face, “the peace of vienna was about taking down napoleon. it wasn’t all that peaceful.”

you huffed, “whatever, siri, it was symbolic. i’m sorry. but i’m not going to stop seeing your brother.”

he sighed, twinkle lost and smile dropping slightly, “i know. i know, and i’ll... be fine with it.”

“you’ll talk with him?”

sirius winced, “don’t know. but we’re fine, okay? at least on my end.”

you hugged him suddenly, and while he was taken off guard, he hugged you back with relief.

“i’m... going to find reg now. okay?”

he shot you a somewhat awkward thumbs up, and gave a slightly forced but points for trying, “okay.”

it was night time and the two of you were at the astronomy tower again, as if the last two weeks had never happened. except for some obvious differences, like the two of you curling into each other, hands twisted, eyes roaming the other’s face with no shame.

the violet hues beneath your eyes had disappeared.

🏷️ — @faeriieblush @ariyabella @it-be-me-ella @songofpatrochilless @goodoldfashionedluvergirl @saturnband @ell0ra-br3kk3r @river13254 @meredarling @sillylittlenonbinarygremlin

[some-pers0n]

I think the idea of a "heaven is corrupt" sort of storyline could be a neat way to explore the faults of the church and how religion distorts the word of God and turns a faith that should be about love and taking care of one another under the light of the Lord into a means to demonize and other those who aren't "normal", but is kinda wasted in Hazbin Hotel from a lack of understanding of how it works and favours a less nuanced approach.

Throughout history, Christianity has been used to justify discrimination. Demonizing sex and saying sex workers and those who partake in casual sex will be damned. Addicts and the mentally ill are seen as demon-possessed (or demons themselves) and are sent to hell. Of how people justified themselves in colonizing other countries and massacring these people whom they arbitrarily deemed to be unwanted and unlovable in the eyes of God. Twisting His words into hate and viewing those who go against Him in some way, even if it's as small as enjoying sex outside of reproductive means, as sinners undeserving of redemption.

Redemption of sinners I view as being the main theme of Hazbin. Yes, there are murderers and terrible people down there, but does that mean they aren't possible of redemption and salvation? These sinners aren't much different than the saved in heaven. Still human and still capable of kindness and care. Charlie's optimism and hope for salvation and redemption in the sinners contrasts with heaven deeming that they cannot become better people and are better off dead.

Which is a shame since Hazbin seems to take a somewhat black-and-white approach to it all. Adam is so bluntly evil and it kinda takes the fun out of it. I get it because there's also not real subtly with how real Christians see nothing wrong with their hate and say the most outlandish things possible because it just Makes Sense to them, but Adam straight up saying that they kill sinners for fun is too straightforward this early on.

I personally would've preferred it to be more nuanced, or at the very least heaven just attempting to be kind and perfect. An aura of fake-niceness that makes it seem like it's some peaceful and idyllic place, but it only is meant for those who apply themselves to impossible demands and refuses to believe in redemption. Wouldn't it be nice if Charlie harked back to the idea that Christianity is about loving thy neighbour and that Jesus died for our sins? That, if God's love is endless and He forgives all, hell should be empty? Bring up the hypocrisy and how His words are used as a means to hurt and divide rather than bring together community and support.

But where's the fun in that? How am I supposed to know I should root for the red demons and not the angels if they don't make it extremely clear I should hate them? Nuance is stupid anyways.

[helloanthy]

🗒️ 24.04.2024 ⋅⋅⋅ 🥀

some notes for 20.09.2023 post and a separate cut out for utena because i spent a very long time rendering her ... the original concept i had in my head for this art was very different. it was just supposed to be a style study of this an official anime prop design art, and i'd thought to draw anthy in a similar pose across from her like in the shown version, but with her wearing her prince outfit from the manga. something something another form of female competition under the patriarchyyy stop pitting 2 girlprinces against each other omg etc (side note, how sick would it have been in an AU where akio made anthy fight against utena in the ring? like i dont think it would hav added more to the story or made it better really ... probably would've diluted the message to be honest ... but everytime i see that manga art of prince anthy i imagine some convoluted black rose arc AU where utenas dodging anthy getting her hair hacked off left and right like himemiyaaa nooo snap out of it this isnt uuu while anthys silent and dead eyed hahaha) but then after i drew prince anthy, the picture looked rather empty ... so i thought to add a few decals or borders in the style of the show & official arts but aaahh ... there was still too much negative space. i had to scrap anthy's prince outfit and put her back in her rose bride dress 😭 man !!! he cant keep getting away this !!! [blames akio the figurehead of patriarchy instead of taking responsibility of my own actions] which made me sad because i was pretty satisfied with the way i drew her pose and legs ! but i had to cover it up 🥲 ... the composition overall looked better though. and then after that it kept spiraling. i just kept adding more and more things until i lost control of this drawing and it plagued my WIP folder for months ... i dont want to try and connect all of it in words so ill just lay out all the pieces for you so you can connect them yourself. and you can experience my art thought process in fraction of erraticity and frustration as i experience it myself. this is a lot neater than what happened in my head though because i bothered to put it in order. honestly if i can make you feel a little bit insane trying to scroll through and read all this than i can make you understand how annoying my brain is when all i wanted to draw was utenanthy girlprinces fighting starting references & inspiration: utena prop reference sheet & manga prince!anthy

the tower & the lovers tarot

above: the lovers as depicted in the tarot of marseilles deck, tarocco bolognese deck, & tarocco piemontese deck the lovers (tarot card) wikipedia: The Lovers is associated with the star sign Gemini, and indeed is also known as The Twins in some decks. Other associations are with Air, Mercury, and the Hebrew letter ז (Zayin). In the Rider Waite deck, the imagery for this card is changed significantly from the traditional depiction. Instead of a couple receiving a blessing from a noble or cleric, the Rider–Waite deck depicts Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

a.e. waite, the pictorial key to the tarot, part III, section 3, no.6: UPRIGHT: Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome REVERSED: Failure, foolish designs. Another account speaks of marriage frustrated and contrarieties of all kinds a.e. waite, the pictorial key to tarot, part II, VI. the lovers: In the foreground are two human figures, male and female, unveiled before each other, as if Adam and Eve when they first occupied the paradise of the earthly body. Behind the man is the Tree of Life, bearing twelve fruits, and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil is behind the woman; the serpent is twining round it. The figures suggest youth, virginity, innocence and love before it is contaminated by gross material desire. This is in all simplicity the card of human love, here exhibited as part of the way, the truth and the life. It replaces, by recourse to first principles, the old card of marriage, which I have described previously, and the later follies which depicted man between vice and virtue. In a very high sense, the card is a mystery of the Covenant and Sabbath. The suggestion in respect of the woman is that she signifies that attraction towards the sensitive life which carries within it the idea of the Fall of Man, but she is rather the working of a Secret Law of Providence than a willing and conscious temptress. It is through her imputed lapse that man shall arise ultimately, and only by her can he complete himself. The card is therefore in its way another intimation concerning the great mystery of womanhood. going off of the rider-waite tarot deck: the pictorial key to the tarot—biddytarot's interpretation of the lovers: UPRIGHT: Love, harmony, relationships, values alignment, choices REVERSED: Self-love, disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values In its purest form, The Lovers card represents conscious connections and meaningful relationships. The arrival of this card in a Tarot reading shows that you have a beautiful, soul-honoring connection with a loved one. [...] The Lovers is a card of open communication and raw honesty. Given that the man and woman are naked, they are both willing to be in their most vulnerable states and have learned to open their hearts to one another and share their truest feelings. [...] On a more personal level, The Lovers card represents getting clear about your values and beliefs. You are figuring out what you stand for and your philosophy. Having gone through the indoctrination of The Hierophant, you are now ready to establish your belief system and decide what is and what is not essential to you. It’s time to go into the big wide world and make choices for yourself, staying true to who you are and being authentic and genuine in all your endeavors. At its heart, The Lovers is about choice. The choice about who you want to be in this lifetime, how you connect with others and on what level, and about what you will and won’t stand for. To make good choices, you need to be clear about your personal beliefs and values – and stay true to them. Not all decisions will be easy either. The Lovers card is often a sign that you are facing a moral dilemma and must consider all consequences before acting. Your values system is being challenged, and you are being called to take the higher path, even if it is difficult. Do not carry out a decision based on fear or worry or guilt or shame. Now, more than ever, you must choose love – love for yourself, love for others and love for the Universe. Choose the best version of yourself. Finally, The Lovers card encourages you to unify dual forces. You can bring together two parts that are seemingly in opposition to one another and create something that is ‘whole’, unified and harmonious. In every choice, there is an equal amount of advantage and disadvantage, opportunity and challenge, positive and negative. When you accept these dualities, you build the unity from which love flows.

the tower (tarot card) wikipedia: The Tower is widely associated to danger, crisis, sudden change, destruction, higher learning, and liberation. In the Rider–Waite deck, the top of The Tower is a crown, which symbolizes materialistic thought being bought cheap, downcast. a.e. waite, the pictorial key to the tarot, part III, section 3, no.16: UPRIGHT: Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin. It is a card in particular of unforeseen catastrophe REVERSED: According to one account, the same in a lesser degree also oppression, imprisonment, tyranny (the wikipedia included a.e. waite's upright meanings, but i have no idea where they got the reversed meanings) going off of the rider-waite tarot deck: the pictorial key to the tarot—biddytarot's interpretation of the tower: UPRIGHT: Sudden change, upheaval, chaos, revelation, awakening REVERSED: Personal transformation, fear of change, averting disaster The Tower shows a tall tower perched on the top of a rocky mountain. Lightning strikes set the building alight, and two people leap from the windows, head first and arms outstretched. It is a scene of chaos and destruction. The Tower itself is a solid structure, but because it has been built on shaky foundations, it only takes one bolt of lightning to bring it down. It represents ambitions and goals made on false premises. The lightning represents a sudden surge of energy and insight that leads to a break-through or revelation. It enters via the top of the building and knocks off the crown, symbolizing energy flowing down from the Universe, through the crown chakra. The people are desperate to escape from the burning building, not knowing what awaits them as they fall. [...] The best way forward is to let this structure self-destruct so you can re-build and re-focus. [...] with a card like The Tower, you have no choice but to surrender to the destruction and chaos, no matter how unwanted or painful [...] After a Tower experience, you will grow stronger, wiser and more resilient as you develop a new perspective on life you did not even know existed. 

infant stars taken by NASA hubble used in the background overlay of akio's tower star birth | cool cosmos: Stars form from the simplest of building blocks - huge clouds of gas and dust that permeate the Galaxy. [...] While these big clouds of dust and gas lay dormant for many millions and perhaps billions of years, eventually some of them are disturbed. This can happen gradually, maybe caused by the approach of one of the Milky Way's spiral arms as it slowly sweeps around the center of the galaxy, or it can be a sudden event, like a nearby supernova explosion that blasts a shockwave through the cloud. Either way, a small increase in the pressure and density of the cloud forms knots in the gas and dust that eventually collapse under their own gravity, pulling more and more of the surrounding material in, and forming the stellar "seeds" known as protostars. From Protostar to Star: As the clouds collapse, they start to rotate, and, like a spinning skater pulling in her arms, each of these seed protostars begins to spin faster the more it collapses. The material falling towards the protostar flattens out into a rotating disk of dust and gas encircling the central core. The protostar warms up, as the potential energy of the material falling in is converted into kinetic energy, but it has not yet ignited to form a fully-fledged star. For the next few million years, the protostar's gravity pulls in more material from the surrounding cloud into its disk. That disk transports the gas and dust onto the protostar, causing the protostar to grow. The increase in mass causes the gravitational field of the protostar to increase and so even more material is pulled into the disk. The addition of more material, in turn, increases the gravitational field even further, pulling in more material, and so on, creating a feedback loop that keeps the whole process going. [...] The density and temperature of the protostar keep climbing higher and higher, until eventually the core grows to about one tenth the size of our Sun, and becomes hot and dense enough for hydrogen nuclei to spontaneously stick together to form helium, in a process called nuclear fusion. At that instant, the core ignites, and the new star is born. Meanwhile, in the disk, clumps of material have been forming, which are the seeds of new planets. These seeds sweep up material in the disk in a process called accretion, forming the planets of a new solar system. Once the star has started nuclear fusion, the heat and wind from the infant star begin to blast the gas and dust away, creating a cavity in the cloud. As more and more matter gets funneled onto the star from the disk, the star gets larger and larger, causing it to push harder and harder against the cloud and the disk, enlarging the cavity, vaporizing the disk, and halting the growth of planets.

deadheading (flowers) wikipedia: Deadheading is the horticultural practice of removing spent flowers from ornamental plants. Deadheading is a widespread form of pruning, since fading flowers are not as appealing and direct a lot of energy into seed development if pollinated. The goal of deadheading is thus to preserve the attractiveness of the plants in beds, borders, containers and hanging baskets, as well as to encourage further blooming. Deadheading flowers with many petals, such as roses, peonies, and camellias prevents them from littering.

[...] Ornamental plants that do not require deadheading are those that do not produce a lot of seed or tend to deadhead themselves [...] if the plant bears attractive seeds or fruits, deadheading is normally avoided

ladybird, ladybug, lady beetle: scientific name "coccinellidae" wikipedia: Etymology: [...] The common English name ladybird originated in Britain where the insects became known as "Our Lady's birds". Mary ("Our Lady") was often depicted wearing a red cloak in early art, and the seven spots of the species Coccinella septempunctata (the most common in Europe) were said to represent her seven joys and seven sorrows. Trophic Roles: Coccinellids act both as predators, prey and parasitic hosts in food webs. The majority of coccinellids are carnivorous and predatory. [...] Cannibalism has been recorded in several species; which includes larvae eating eggs or other larvae, and adults feeding on individuals of any life stage.

Defense: The bright warning colouration of many coccinellids discourage potential predators, warning of their toxicity [...] Species with more contrast with the background environment tended to be more toxic. Coccinellid haemolymph (blood) contains toxic alkaloids, azamacrolides and polyamines, as well as foul-smelling pyrazines. Coccinellids can produce at least 50 types of alkaloids. When disturbed, ladybirds further defend themselves with reflex bleeding, exuding drops from their tibio-femoral (knee) joints, effectively presenting predators with a sample of their toxic and bitter body fluid.

despite said being named after the lady virgin mary they are known to be promiscuous breeders, who's habits have been documented to result in epidemics of sexually transmitted infection in large populations, subject to various academic studies

lyric from lady oscar's theme song "the rose perishes beautifully"

ok there was more but its been like 8 hours it turns out trying to put my thoughts into words even if its just a bunch of copy pasting is even more annoying than just thinking them im ending this post 😭

[thekillingmoonmoon]

guys my age

Pairing: Kishibe x Fem! Reader Warnings: NSFW, age gap (Kishibe is however old he is – 50? Reader is late twenties), smoking, alcohol,  reader goes through a breakup but it’s not a bad one Length: 4k Song: Guys My Age – Hey Violet

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” you read your phone’s screen again and cussed, throwing yourself down on the hotel bed with a thump. “Trouble in paradise?” Kishibe looked over from the windowsill, the smoke swirling around his head in a sunlit halo. “More like, good riddance to bad rubbish,” you groaned, dropping your phone to the mattress beside you. “At least one of my problems has the good grace to sort itself out,” you grumbled, leaning back and pinching the bridge of your nose. “Which one of your problems was it? Rent? The boyfriend? Makima?” you peered at Kishibe from where you lay, squinting at him in confusion. Since when did he care?

“If it was Makima, I think we’d be in a very different position right now,” You answered, gesturing to the rundown hotel you were currently staying in. Kishibe scoffed out a chuckle and took a sip from his flask, offering it to you when you eyed the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he drank. You took the flask with thanks and threw it back, relishing the honeyed burn of the whiskey as it spilt down your supple throat. You missed how Kishibe watched you drink, how his dark eyes narrowed when a drop of liquor slipped past your lips and down your chin, trickling in its cinnamon sweetness down your silken neck. You cleared your throat.

 “It’s the boyfriend,” you chuckled drily, “The trash took itself out this time.” Kishibe raised a brow. “Tsunada broke up with you?” once more, you squinted at Kishibe, wondering when he had ever bothered learning the name of the third division hunter you were dating for the last six months. Emphasis on “were”, as the man in question had just broken up with you for being ‘too serious’. “Yep,” You flopped back on the bed, a blood spatter of red and white on the navy sheets.

“You should wash,” Kishibe instructed, and you groaned, wanting to throw yourself on the bed and sleep for the next ten years. But Kishibe had drinking plans, and as his partner, it was expected that you join him. You rolled yourself upward and grabbed your bag from the end of the bed, leaving Kishibe to seat himself on the twin bed on the other side of the room. You threw his towel at him as you closed the bathroom door, muttering about ‘old men getting sick’ and you not wanting to play nursemaid if he got ill from leaving his hair wet. You barely heard his reply but knew it had something to do with what you’d look like in a nurse’s uniform. You flushed at the thought, and slapping your cheeks at your embarrassment, stepped into the shower. The room still smelled of him, of heady musk and light pine, of cinnamon cigarettes and expensive aftershave, and as you breathed him in, you realised how truly fucked you were.

You were in love with Kishibe. Undoubtedly, irrevocably in love.  After three years as his rookie partner, you’d fallen into a neat rhythm with the older man, quickly becoming the most efficient pair of hunters in Public Safety. The rumours swirled in your wake, the young pup to charm the old war dog, the only partner to last through Kishibe’s rough training and still come out of it semi-sane on the other side. Not that you’d claim to be sane. Not after all the things you had seen. Not after falling for a man nearly twice your age and as emotionally unavailable as a stray black cat. Tsunada had been a distraction, as had the three guys before him. All young and bright-eyed boys whose reckless charm and careless caresses had only barely filled the aching gap in your heart, so empty of cynicism and bitter whiskey.  You undid your hair, grimacing at the flicker of dried blood that fell from your tresses. You plunged in to wash your hair, scrubbing your skull so hard, hoping that you could scrub yourself clean of Kishibe.

Today had been another successful hunt, way out in the boondocks of some country town, where a Corruption Devil had settled in. It had taken you more than half a day to get to the town, but less than two hours to get rid of the devil, and now you were stuck halfway home, forced to stay the night in a hotel. It wasn’t the first time you had been forced to share a hotel room with Kishibe, but it was the first time neither had been so mortally wounded to require around-the-clock nursing. You wondered if the same easy silence that filled your sunlit hours would pervade the darkness as well. You hoped it would, and the warm uneasiness that had been building up in your lower stomach over the last year or so would disappear into the night, along with the sounds of Kishibe’s chainsaw snoring.

You shook your hair out, happy only once the water ran clean and stepped out of the shower. You needed a distraction. From your ex-boyfriend. From Kishibe. For whatever feelings you had for Kishibe.  You rinsed yourself off and rummaged in your bag, pulling out a fresh white shirt. You thought to the night of drinking ahead and wondered if Kishibe would let you get some company for yourself this evening. You needed it. Needed the rush of playing cat-and-mouse, of fumbling hands in the dark, of losing yourself in someone else’s body for the first time in months. You left a few buttons undone, showing off a tasteful sliver of cleavage as you huffed and puffed back into your trousers. You did your hair and face, sure to put on a lipstick that screamed ‘fuck me,’ and stepped out of the bathroom.

Kishibe choked on his flask, hacking up what sounded like half a lung when he saw you exit the bathroom.

 “What?” was all you said, raising your eyebrow as the man, “did you forget I was a woman?” Kishibe could only cough in response. You grabbed your jacket,

“Let’s go.”

…

You weren’t drunk enough for this. Not for this drivelling conversation and certainly not for the slimy pickup lines slithering from the hunter across the table. Kishibe was lost in a conversation, nodding and hemming along to whatever was being said by the senior hunters. You needed a smoke. You scrambled to your feet, meeting Kishibe’s eyes as he looked across at your movement. You motioned that you were going for a smoke and he nodded in understanding.

You broke free into the darkness, breathing in the heady scent of wet asphalt and city lights. You rounded a corner into an alley and fiddled around in your jacket pocket, retrieving a pack of cigarettes and a light. You flickered the flame to life, thinking of all the times you had lit Kishibe’s smokes, leaning in between gaps in the rain, sharing breaths in the muggy air. Smoke trickled from your mouth in a dark dragon of grey and blue, the clouds catching the reflection of the neon sign of the bar above your head.

 “Hey baby,” came a dark coo, and you tilted your head to peer into the dark.  “Kishibe?” you asked, despite knowing it wasn’t him. You would know his voice anywhere, that deep soft rasp that stirred your lower stomach into a fluttering of iron butterflies. “Aw, darling, you wound me. As if I would ever come close to that gross old bastard.” It was the hunter from before, the one whose pickup lines were worse than any of the drivel Tsunada had fed you. “I’m not interested,” you gave a polite smile and prepared to go back inside. “Really, because you were giving me bedroom eyes back there,” he approached you, coming closer and closer, tainting the air with the bitter tang of beer and old cigarettes  “You made an incorrect assumption then,” you corrected him, straightening out and preparing to throw your cigarette out onto the damp concrete. A pity, you wanted to savour it. He crowded up to you, using his height against you, casting a shadow over your shorter form. You looked up at him, tilting your head and squinting. “Aw, don’t be so frigid, baby,” he leaned his hand above your head, effectively pinning you between the wall and his body. You sighed. You really didn’t want to start a fight, especially not with another hunter. “She isn’t being frigid, boy, she’s being polite,” oh, that smoke-saturated voice soothed you, getting you to drop your guard as you saw Kishibe flicker into view. “Get lost, punk,” he said, motioning for the guy to walk, and the idiot listened, suddenly aware that he was between the two toughest devil hunters in the agency.  Kishibe came to stand beside you, cigarette already clenched between his teeth. You lit up for him, relishing the way he leaned in close, the scent of his aftershave rolling down your spine. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall next to you.

“Did I ever tell you that you have shit taste in men?” he asked, and you snorted. “No, but I believe you,” you answered, shaking your head. “Why do you go for punks like him?” “I don’t know,” you huffed, “their boyish charm,” you lied. Kishibe tsked. "Clearly you need a real man,” he said, and you looked at him out of the corner of your eye. What was he playing at? You shrugged.  “Unfortunately, those are hard to come by, unless you know any takers?” you jibed, a little gutsy, now that you weren’t looking Kishibe in the dark, depthless eyes. “I could name a few,” he grunted, and this time you properly turned and looked at him. He took a step toward you, moving closer than ever before, a mere breath away. He looked down at you, all rippling muscles and rugged scars. “And would your name be on that list?” You closed your eyes as you asked, hating to see the reaction in his eyes. You could feel him, almost sense his body around you, surrounding you. “Well, you’d never have to go out dressed like this again,” a single calloused finger traced the low fit of your shirt, almost brushing your breasts. “Or mess around with those boys again,” he rumbled, his finger trailing up your throat, where he gripped your chin.

“Tell me, princess,” he rumbled, “did that bastard even make you cum?” You were sure he could feel the blush radiating off your cheeks, but you bit your lower lip and shook your head. The noise that left Kishibe’s throat was dark and deep as it vibrated through you, sending shivers down your spine as he leaned down. He was just a whiskey’s breath away, all cinnamon and sinful musk, his dark eyes watching your face as he drew closer.

 “Tell me to stop,” he said, and you threw all caution to the wind. You grabbed his tie and pulled him down, crashing your lips to his, tasting the bitter tang of beer on his lips. For a moment, Kishibe paused, his eyes wide open, before he was kissing you, driving you back into the wall, stealing every gasp of air from your desperate lips.

 “Fuck,” he cursed as he pinned you to the cold bricks behind you, pressing his tongue past your teeth and flooding you with the taste of him. His hands seemed reluctant to touch you, so you grabbed them from the wall behind you and settled his hands on your waist and hips. His thick hands were eager, filling you with warmth as he gripped and groped at your flesh. His hips found yours, pressing you even deeper into the wall, his thigh coming in between your legs to push at the apex of your legs. You whine, feeling him rub his thigh over your needy cunt and his hips stutter against yours.

“That’s it, pretty girl,” he gripped your hips, rocking them over his thigh, fucking you on his leg. You moan his name, and he groans, stopping and grabbing your hands as they explore his toned chest.

For a moment you think he wants to stop, that he’s rejecting you, and you feel like you could curl up and disappear, but he reads the bright fear in your eyes and leans in, pressing a single chaste kiss to your swollen lips.

 “Relax doll, I’m only taking you somewhere else,” he rumbled, “somewhere no one can interrupt us.”

You blindly followed him through the dark, stumbling behind him as he makes the short trip back to your dingy hotel room. He held your hand the whole time, large and warm and engulfing yours in its calloused grip. Once in the elevator, he turned to you, dark eyes suddenly serious, despite the hunter’s light that shone deep in their murky depths.

 “This is your last chance, sweetheart,” He stepped closer, crowding you into the corner of the lift, his trench coat shielding you from view, “Tell this dirty old man to stop.”

“Why would I?” you answered, grabbing at the lapels of his jacket, reaching up on your tiptoes to lay a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth, where his scar severed his face. He groaned at your featherlight touch, his hand coming up behind your head to meld your lips to his, holding you tight to his body, so that you could feel his muscles ripple against your tender touch. He only tore away when the elevator dinged your sudden arrival and then he was gone again, practically dragging you through the door and pressing you up against the cool wood, his mouth meeting yours once again. He pushed your jacket from your shoulders, gripping your upper arms tight as he laid a trail of sloppy kisses down your jaw. He sucked your skin into his mouth, nipping and suckling at the skin until he was sure he had left his mark on you. You shucked his jacket off as well, throwing the heavy canvas aside and fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. He was quick to do the same, exposing your tits to his hungry mouth as he cupped you beneath your bra.

 “Fuck, look at these tits,” he cooed, squeezing and groping at the soft flesh, “So fucking beautiful, better than I ever imagined,” he groaned, biting and teasing your nipple through the fabric of your bra. He scraped his teeth up your chest, slithering his hands down the slope of your stomach until he reached the waistband of your pants. He made quick work of the belt and zipper, sending your pants to your knees as he teased your clit through the fabric. Your hips bucked, unused to any decent touch and you blushed, flushed hot by the sudden attention after being neglected for so long. Kishibe kissed you harshly again, biting your lower lip back with a pop before skimming down your body. He nipped at your stomach, lathing his love over your belly, pulling down your panties. He watched a thin string of your arousal cling to the fabric and he hummed, helping you step out of your clothes. He knelt before you, reverent in his worship, fumbling prayer from his scarred lips as he licked and sucked at the skin around your cunt. He lifted one of your legs over his shoulder and sunk his tongue into your cunt, his huge hands engulfing your hips to stop you from bucking onto his face. He licked a slow stripe up your pussy, finding your clit and swirling his tongue around it until you could feel your cunt clench around nothing.

“You’re gonna cum on my face, princess,” Kishibe told you, murmuring into your slick silken skin, “and then you’re gonna cum on my cock, yeah?”, he lapped at you before you could respond, pulling a low keen from your pouty lips before your voice broke into shattered pants. His tongue worked wonders, pressing the hot wet muscle up and into your pussy, effectively fucking you with his tongue. His one hand left your hips, trailing down your thigh and coming up below his chin. The first finger felt like heaven, pushing past your soft velvet walls into your pulsing pussy, reaching, searching until he found the spot that had you shuddering, hips shaking in his grip. He slowly pumped his finger inside you, pushing and pressing as you whined and moaned above him, his mouth never leaving your clit as he traced the kanji of his name over the bundle of nerves. The second finger had your knees buckling, his fingers thicker and heavier than your own, stretching your cunt out to take his cock. He kept sucking at your clit, sending shivers down your spine as he worked you toward climax. His third finger was a surprise, welcomed with a hushed gasp and whimper from your swollen lips as he pushed his knuckles past your puffy folds.

“That’s it, doll,” he encouraged, “take them all.” You could feel pressure pulsing in your lower stomach, sending strawberry starbursts up your spine. You felt dizzy, drowning in the sound of Kishibe lapping and slurping at your cunt. You could feel your climax build, and by the clench of your cunt, Kishibe knew you were close too. He renewed his pumping into your cunt and sucked hard on your clit, tossing you over the edge into a starstruck spiral of static pleasure. He groaned as you came, sucking and lapping up all that seeped from your pretty pussy.

“That’s my girl,” he rumbled, rising from a crouch and kissing you hard. He gripped your hips to his, holding you up against the wall as your knees shook. You tasted yourself on his tongue, moaning at the saccharine tartness as his tongue slipped into your mouth. He stepped back with you stumbling after, holding you upright and pushing you softly down onto the nearest mattress. You bounced on the springy softness, looking up at Kishibe with wide doe-eyes, already fucked out on the orgasm wrought by his tongue and fingers. You stared at him through dreamy eyes, sitting up and reaching for his belt buckle.

 “Easy there, sweetheart,” Kishibe’s hands cover yours, “are you sure you want this?” he asked. You blinked up at him and grabbed his tie, tugging him further down to reach your eye level.

 “I want you, Kishibe,” you soothed, “show me how a real man fucks.” He swore then, unhooking his belt and dropping his pants quickly as he crawled over you on the bed.  You reached down to palm him through his boxers, revelling in the hissed breath that caught low in his throat as you gripped his thick length. He was big, thick and heavy in your hand as you slipped your fingers below his waistband. You smoothed your fingers over his velvet head, smearing pre down his shaft as you pumped him in your hands. He groaned, a restrained grunt spilling past clenched teeth as he moved your hands away and shifted his boxers down and away. You were now bare to each other, your glistening pussy to his twitching length, chest to chest, skin to skin. He leaned down to kiss you again, this time softly as he ran his cock through your soaked folds. You moaned as his cockhead hit your clit, feeling waves of static ripple down your spine. He pressed his cockhead at your entrance.

“You ready, princess?” he gravelled, and you nodded eagerly, your soft silken folds leaving trails of slick on his pulsing skin.

 “Yes,” You panted, “please, Kishibe,” you huffed, the breath pushed from your lungs as he began to ease his cock into your cunt. You groaned at the tight strawberry stretch, sending sparks through your limbs. He filled you slowly, surely, stretching you out until you felt split by his heavy cock.

 “Fuck, doll,” Kishibe paused, slinging your leg up onto his shoulder, “you’re so fucking tight, hah?” He pressed you into the mattress, leaning down and folding you in two as his cock sunk in to the hilt. You gasped, feeling him in the pit of your stomach, twitching in impatience. He paused for a brief moment, as the pair of you caught your breath, you reaching up to him to pull his head down for a kiss, all teeth and tongue and spit as he sucked on your lower lip. He moved languidly, rolling his hips back and out of your plush cunt, and back in with a muted hiss. He set a slow pace, making you feel every inch of him as he ebbed and flowed over your trembling body. His cock reached the deepest part of you, brushing up and over the points that had your eyes rolling back and jaw clenching. You muffled your whines with your hand, reaching up to bite your fist as Kishibe’s hips made contact with yours. He grabbed your wrists and held them above your head.

 “Let me hear those noises, pretty girl, else I won’t be so gentle,” Kishibe warned, nipping the supple skin of your throat.

 “I never asked you to be gentle,” you pouted and prompted a low groan to trickle from Kishibe’s throat.

 “Why?” he snarled, “You want it rough, doll?” he asked, slamming his hips into you with a sudden rush. You scrambled, fingers white-knuckled as your fisted the sheets above your head, your back arching deep as he pressed the pressure point in your cunt.

 “Yes!” you exclaimed, pressing your tits up into his chest. He gripped your hips, hard enough to leave a mark there come tomorrow, and pulled you onto his cock, stopping slightly before setting off at a brutal pace. The sounds of skin on skin surrounded you, wet and sticky and soaked with sweat as Kishibe pounded mercilessly into your pussy, a string of grunts and growls spilling from his lips to your chest. You mewled, releasing your wrists to sink your fingers deep into the muscles of his back, feeling the muscles shift and ripple beneath your clawing nails. You were sure you drew blood, but couldn’t tell as pressure bloomed deep inside your core, burning through your limbs with the fury of a forest fire. Kishibe could feel you clench around him, so soft and strong as his cock pumped into your plush pussy. He stopped, grabbing you by the back of your knees and pushing your legs to your chest. He pistoned into your cunt with speed, his one hand coming down to rub quick circles around your clit. You quickly drew close to climax, feeling each press of his cock deep in your cunt and every swipe of his thumb sending you closer and closer.

“I’m gonna – “ You panted, “I’m gonna cum!” you breathed, keening as the first shudders of your body shook you to your core.

 “Then cum, sweetheart, cum for me,” he groaned in your ear, increasing pressure on your clit until you were shaking in the cage of his arms, limbs twitching and trembling as he fucked you through your high. His name was the only word to fall from your lips, slurred out slowly as he spilt himself deep into your cunt.

 “Fuck,” he grunted, holding himself over you as his hips stilled against yours. You whined when he pulled out, already missing the warmth of his hale body as he withdrew from you. He stepped into the bathroom briefly, exiting only when he saw you shakily try to get off the bed. He tipped you back onto the mattress, a warm washcloth in hand.

 “Don’t run away so fast,” he scolded, gently, rubbing at your battered thighs and leaking cunt.

 “I’m not running,” you said and he looked at you. He crouched before you and reached up to cup your jaw.

“You can run, I won’t stop you. But know that I’ll be coming for you,” he kissed your cheek, “You’re mine now, princess.”

Join my Taglist

I do not own Chainsaw Man, or any of the related characters. Chainsaw Man is created and owned by Tatsuki Fujimoto. This story is intended for entertainment purposes only. I am not making any profit from this story. All rights of Chainsaw Man belong to Tatsuki Fugimoto. Please do not copy, re-use, or distribute this work as your own

reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated

all images and gifs used are either from popular media or from stock photos. I do not own or take credit for any of the images, only edits

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt IX good omens on livestream, i'm not ok: S1E4

You did it, Good Omens fandom, my dear maggots. You broke me in every way. Now I'm here, and where I once spent my day peacefully being sad about normal things, I'm now sad about a random fact about nightingales I learned on a British ornithology site and this is just... the brainrot. It's real. Raise brainrot awareness. Prevention is better than the nonexistent cure.

Well, I've procrastinated this post by like 48 hours by drawing fanart and being mopey over Crowley and generally being asleep because I'm still on antibiotics and ill. So let us not procrastinate further. First, episode 4. Tally, hoes!

In preparation for the stream, I gathered two emotional support oranges, only one of which was gaseous, and an apple. This was so that rather than waste an orange on being gay for Crowley I'd use the apple for that, symbolic of his temptation in the Garden of Eden etc. I didn't know how badly this plan would go.

On Discord, our collective loins girded, I noticed with no small suspicion that everyone was muttering about the bookshop and whether I'd be okay. When I demanded frantically what happened to the bookshop (I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS IN S2) everyone shut up and told me the bookshop was in tiptop shape and it was all tickety-boo and nothing would happen at all in episode 5.

Spoiler alert it is not all tickety-boo.

We start with Aziraphale going for a jog to keep uh fit for exercising with Crowley, and he is interrupted by Gabriel, who is not Jimbriel, and is not naked, that is, we cannot see his arse yet, but we can see that he is an arse.

We then see not-Newt the deliveryman with his wife Maude and they are the only straight couple that the people on the chat care about. Calling him not-Newt is going to pose problems for me.

Crowley is being a smart baby, and researching astronomy. Poor Crowley. I love Crowley. Do you understand? I LOVE CROWLEY.

There is a lot of talk of spoons and forks and such innuendos. I make a joke about scissors being missing. The chat does not notice. I am disappointed in the gays.

I am so engrossed in the way Death says "deeAaaAAthHHhh" that I fail to notice Not-Newt get killed delivering a message to Death. This is going to pose problems for me.

I forgot about the apocalypse plotline till the horsepeople arrive. This is understandable. I care not for this 'world' ending, my new world is Crowley. I love Crowley.

Duck aliens fucking descend. This is not a joke. There are duck aliens, and they are supportive of trans people. Newt does not count their nipples.

The Shad guy doesn't care Newt found aliens. He is upset that Newt didn't find witches. If Shad was mowing his lawn and found gold, he would toss it aside because he is focused on mowing. I can respect that. People make jokes about Newt eventually finding a witch.

It is suddenly a Christopher Nolan movie. Someone corrects me and says it's more like Jerry Bruckheimer. I do not know what that is.

Someone says Crowley destroys the Bentley but for whatever reason, like a lot of people before, makes it a black box that you have to click to read. I don't mind that, I like clicking.

Aziraphale bought out a theatre for Crowley, like a Kdrama where the rich CEO buys out an entire theatre for his working class girl.

Adam goes through what I went through with OCD. It is not fun.

It is now a horror movie. Adam floats in the air. That was not a symptom I had with OCD.

Crowley asks Aziraphale to run away with him to the stars. Aziraphale says no. Crowley is upset and my baby Azi looks so sad and confused about everything he believes in. Great. I'm totally fine, I think as I start stuffing my emotional support orange into my mouth.

It is now a Home Alone movie. Crowley in gloves is sexy. Mmmmmmm yes. Crowley does great advertising for plant spray bottles as he murders and threatens demons.

I point out that the GO book says Crowley can do "weird things with his tongue" as I learned from the GO scent guide company page. It was after all the most relevant take-away from that page.

Disco Tony arrives. This is not a safe space.

AZIRAPHALE KEEPS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND IS FAILED BY HEAVEN LEAVE MY BABY AZI ALONE WTF GO AWAY. THE ANGELS WALL SLAM HIM TOO. THAT'S CROWLEY'S THING YOU BASTARDS.

Newt and Anathema are cute. I DON'T NOTICE BECAUSE IM SO UPSET HE'S CHEATING ON MAUDE AND WONDERING WHY THE CHAT IS OKAY WITH IT BECAUSE I AM A FOOL WHO CONTINUES TO MIX UP NEWT WITH NOT-NEWT AND THEN THE CHAT TELLS ME NOT-NEWT DIED AND I'M CONFUSED.

Newt and Anathema are having sex. As an aspec person, I am very alarmed at the visuals.

Azi is failed by heaven and the metatron. Shocker. Fucking get away from Azi. Azi is miserable and looks like he wants to cry.

AZI IS EXORCISED AND THE FUCKING FLAME CATCHES IN THE BOOKSHOP AND THE EPISODE ENDS.

TAKE MY PAIN MOTHERFUCKERS. I WILL POST THIS AND THEN WRITE THE EP5 PART.

[acesofspadess]

This Is The Voice

a/n: everyone needs some more Niall

summary: you're the mega mentor, and Niall doesn't know that

“This is the last knockouts ill ever get to coach and im really excited because our mega mentor this season is one of the greatest singers and people of all time.”

“Shes a legend in the industry.”

“She is an EGOT”

“So the mega mentor this season is……… Y/N L/N! Or Horan to Niall”

BLAKE

“Well this like a full circle moment for me. You were here as Adams advisor in the first season and now you are mega mentor in my last season.” blake looked down at 29 year old you who was reminiscing. “What does that say about our relationship.”

“That whenever you're here I lose.” you laughed at him as he shook his head. “You let yourself lose to an 18 year old Blake.” his eyes widdend at that, “Oh man, i forgot you were only 18. I feel so old. And now your married too.” he shook his not wanting to think about it any more.

—-----

KELLY

“You still havent seen Niall yet?” Kelly and you had a moment to chat before the artist came in. “no and I feel so bad. I've been super slow on my answers to his text. I just want to hold him.”

I've know Y/N since she was around 18, we got to perform together in Vegas almost 12 years ago.

“Im so glad it's Blake’s last season. Hes just had a very good vibe.” Kelly filled you on some behind the scenes.

“Oh thats good, he really can be a pain sometimes.

And I've also been able to work with her and tour with her and learn from her. Shes so young and has taught a lot of artist with singing and being on stage. I love that all these artist are gonna get that same experience today.

—---------

CHANCE

There was a knock on your dressing room door and you opened it to see Chance. “Y/N!” He cheered as he opened his arms up for a hug. You laughed and thanks the heavens you werent wearing heavy makeup as he was wearing white. 

Y/N… shes a legend in the industry. Grammy award winning artist.

“And when was the last time i saw you?” you laughed at his question. “Probably Grammy’s 2020…?” he shook his head, “how could i foget miss album of the year.

Her being a top tier artist for so long and having so many experiences is something that we could all grow from. 

After Chance had run down his artist for you, you waited for them to come in and laughed at whispers you heard. “Well hello there, I love your hair.” you told Nariella whose hair was similar to your ginger colour. “I actually got the idea from you.” you both laughed and whispered an ‘i like you already’. 

I just think its so amazing for her to be here and represent black women and girls. Shes definitely someone i look up to.

—---------

NIALL

It was finally time to see your love. Niall was supposed to be meeting Riley… but you didnt let that happen. You were facing the camera, your back facing the direction Niall would walk through. 

“Riley Tate-”

You turned around at the sound of his voice and he immediately stopped talking. “Hi love.” you  were smiling so hard at his reaction to seeing you before he scooped you up in a hug and twirled youn around.

“Why are you here- wait. Your da mega mentor?” his accent was thicker because of the surprise and you loved it. 

I mean to work with Y/N L/N the queen of pop… im getting goose bumps thinking about it now, its just amazing being in her presence 

Thats your wife Niall

Say it again 

“Well now that your here i was going to ask you if you wanted to come to a golf course with me.” Niall had his head on her shoulder and he could feel the laugh that came from her at his words.

Shes an absolute legend, and she teaches me something everyday, i cant wait for her to teach my team.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright love, Gina, shes really shy, reminds me of you when you came to write for the band.”

Niall laughed his beautiful laugh as you hid your face in your hands. “Don't remind me.”

“You might have to tell her to speak up.” you nodded at the information and were ready to see her. “And then she sings, and a different person comes out, a lot like you.” you cooed at his comparison seeing how much Gina meant to Niall.

“Now Kates kinda got the jazzy, Amy Winehouse-y vibe.” you ‘oo’ed’ at the information. “Lets see what they got.”

You watched as they walked around the corner and saw them subtly freak out at seeing you. You got up from your seat with the help of Niall(not that you needed it but he always held his hand out for you).

“Look who ive got!” Niall cheered from behind you as the girls gave you hugs.

I saw the ginger hair and Niall leaning on her and was like- please… ITS Y/N”

“How are you?” you asked hugging them both.

I was not expecting Y/N to be in the room with Niall. I was very starstruck.”

“Im gonna sing ‘somebody that i used to know’,” Gina shared her song and you marvelled at the softness of her voice. “Im very close to my dad, and he was a DJ and that was a song he always loved.”

“Thats beautiful Gina truly.”

Listening too her sing brought chills to your skin. 

You cheered as she finished and let Niall say what you know hes been holding in.  “And that sass that youve got this week.” Niall admired with a little laugh. “Really?” you loved how she went from this marvellous singer to this soft spoken girl. “I wasnt expecting that.” Gina thanked Niall before she looked at you and you shook your head.

“You gave me chills seriously, the only thing is ‘for lack of better wording’ understanding your words.” you watched as she took the advice and applauded her silently knowing if you were in her possician you would have certainly started crying.

“Yeah keep those words separate. Its very easy to go-” and you watched as he broke off his words in example. “You know what I mean. So give your self a bit of space.”

“I like that bub. I like that a lot.” 

You listened to him sing the words slowly and closed you eyes in sereness. “That staccato.” you pitched in. “her first audition to right now,” he looked at you threading his fingers with yours, “completley diffrent person.” you laughed softly squeezing his had. “I was just like you when i started, you can ask him.” he kissed your temple lightly in admiration, “she still is. Cant give her a compliment without her hiding away. Huh, beautiful?” you did as he knew you would and tucked your face into his neck. “See.” 

You turned your head to watch Gina and Kate play fight as theu swapped places. “I really wish you guys liked each other.” you joked sitting up properly. “I know so much hatred in here.” Niall joked back with you adjusting in his seat. “Its just awful.” Niall lost it, throwing his head back in laughter, letting you hear his laugh again. That would always be your favourite song. 

~~~

“Ooh we've got a guitar.” you saw the shaped guitar and immediately fell in love. “Its my baby.” Kate spoke. “Gonna have to get me self one just like that,” you all laughed before Niall looked at the gap between your seats and pulled your seat closer to his. You grabbed his hand and kissed it before looking back up at Kate. “what song are gonna sing love.” you asked as Niall sat back in his seat. “Im singing ‘Call Me’ by Blondie.”

“Oh lets hear it.” 

Kate had the stage presence of a lifetime. “Very good!” you clapped proudly. “Thank you.” you smiled as Niall began to speak. “My favourite parts are when its chilled.” You agreed with him softly as he continued to speak. “Dont stay with the-” Niall sang in a high pitch for example and you nodde your head. “Towards the end it gets a bit crashy for me. I wonder if there's a way of toning it down?” he looked to you for advice. “Tone down the crashing for more like ‘TOMS’ or something like that?” you offered and he took it. “Yeah so we can offer some more jazziness.” he agreed while drumming in the air, “you wanna come back up Gina?” You smiled widely hearing the softness and joy in his voice when he talked to her. “Im thrilled to pieces. I asked a really close friend of mine when were younger, who is now very successful, what is the best piece of advice you can give me. He said ‘have fun’. So i hope your having fun and getting to meet people that youll remain friends with forever.”

You watched Gina and Kate turn to each other and you hugged yourself. “Awwe that makes me so happy.” Niall grabbed your hand and held it in the air. “And one day you might marry them.” you all laughed before Niall spoke up again. “You're the best ladies.” you watched as they walked away and Niall rested his head on shoulder again. “I love you. You're amazing.”

“I love you too Ni.”

`````````````````````````````````````````````

Niall taglist:

@youcan-nolonger-run @ravenclawdirectioner

@luxiorchive @maeflowers653

[goatcheesecak3]

Bus stop pt 2

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x F!reader

Click here for M!reader version!

Click here for part 1!

Includes: fluff, slight angst, brief mentions of violence

Summary: after meeting at the bus stop yesterday, you and Adam go on a day out together, but when he sees a disturbing article in a newspaper, Adam decides to come clean to you about his past.

Adam threw on the cleanest clothes he owned and sat at the edge of his bed. He pulled out his phone and reread his text exchange with the nice girl from the bus stop for the thousandth time.

Y/n: this is y/n from the bus stop :) was so lovely to meet you! You doing anything tomorrow? x

Adam: not much, I was gonna hit the record store and maybe go feed the birds in the park. Wanna join me?

Y/n: sounds great! It's sweet that you like feeding the birds, I used to do that with my parents when I was a kid

Adam: haha yeah, I love animals. More than people tbh. I always feed the stray cats in my area, they're so cute

Y/n: wow, that's so kind :) I wish there were more people like you in the world haha! What time should we meet?

Adam: haha thanks :) is 2 good with you? At the stop we got off at yesterday

Y/n: two sounds perfect, see you then!

It was 1:40, he had 20 minutes to get to the bus stop to meet with y/n. He was excited, for once in his life, mooning over her kind words and positive attitude. Adam was most definitely attracted to this girl, but he tried not to think about that, he didn't want to get too ahead of himself, he needed to actually make a friend before he started thinking about a relationship. Despite this, however, he couldn't help but feel almost giddy at the thought of her smile.

He waited patiently at the bus stop where the pair had gone their separate ways the night before, with his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels. The weather was gloomy and a chill was in the air, but it did little to bring down his mood.

After only a few minutes of waiting, y/n appeared from down the road, and she merrily made her way over to Adam. Adam watched in genuine awe at how sweet she looked, bundled up in a sweater and a tatty scarf, looking elegantly dishevelled and so incredibly cute. He felt a blush creep it's way onto his milky white face, and he prayed she couldn't read his mind and see what he'd been thinking of her- that's if his pink face didn't betray him first.

"Good afternoon! I like your jacket" y/n smiled, her face practically shining.

Adam looked down at his own attire, he wore a plain black tshirt, a pair of ill fitting worn out blue jeans and an army green jacket. His clothes were by no means weather appropriate, but hypothermia was something he was willing to risk if it meant he would look presentable.

"Heh, thanks. I've had it since I was a teenager"

Just at that moment, the bus pulled up and the pair entered and took their seats.

The windows on the bus were all fogged up, and the seats were cold to the touch. Adam let out a small shiver as he sat down, beginning to regret his decision to opt for fashion over functionality. It would appear that y/n noticed this, and without hesitation, she pulled her scarf up and wrapped it over his shoulder, so that they were both wearing it.

Adam was slightly taken aback by this small act of kindness,

"Wh- what are y-" he spluttered

"Please," y/n chuckled, "you were making me cold just looking at you."

Adam turned to look at her, a shy (and very smitten) smile on his face,

"Thanks".

The seats were small and cramped, so their knees touched, and Adam swore he could taste his own pulse when their hands brushed against eachother. Did she do that on purpose? Was that how girls flirted nowadays? No, surely he wouldn't be so lucky. When they approached their stop, Adam pressed the button to alert the driver, and began to lift the scarf off of himself so that he could stand, when y/n stopped him. She took the scarf off her own neck and adjusted it around his.

"Keep it on, I don't want you to freeze to death" she joked with a warm, nurturing glow.

Adam felt a calming, protected feeling. Y/n seemed to want to take care of him,  and he felt as though he didn't have to be stoic and brave with her. He relaxed into the warmth of the scarf, savouring her scent as the pair of them stepped off the bus.

"Just down this street," Adam directed, leading them to his favourite record shop. Y/n followed eagerly,  gripping onto Adam's sleeve to keep up with him.

"I can't wait, I used to love record shops in my home town" y/n remarked gleefully.

Adam couldn't help but let himself take a moment to fantasise about a future with y/n. He barely knew her, yes, but good god imagine if he got to know her better? He thought about long evenings spent listening to music with her, watching old movies together, holding eachother close under a blanket. He knew it was unrealistic, but can't a man dream?

They entered the record shop and began to browse.

"Wow, look at this!" Y/n gasped, "there's all the prodigy albums on vinyl!"

Adam approached to look at the rack she was observing, and to his very pleasant surprise, y/n had been browsing the alternative and punk section of the store.

"I've got most of these records at home," he said,  "if you want, you can come over and listen to them at my place"

Y/n nodded enthusiastically

"Oh I will most definitely  be taking you up on that. Don't songs just sound so much better on a record player?" She beamed.

Adam couldn't quite belive what he was hearing. A beautiful girl, with the same interests as him wanted to come to his apartment to listen to music? Surely he was dreaming, this sort of thing only happened in cheesy movies, not in real life.

Much like waking up from a dream, Adam was bitterly snapped back to reality later on in the day when the pair arrived at the park. Just at the entrance stood a little news stand, advertising the latest issue of the local paper. On the front page, in big bold letters read: "JIGSAW KILLER RETURNS, POLICE HOSTAGE"

"What the hell is the jigsaw killer?" Y/n asked, sounding rightfully horrified.

She turned to look at Adam, who's face had turned stark white. His mouth hung open and his eyes were practically bulging out of his head.

"Adam?"

Adam had already turned away and began hastily walking through the park. Y/n followed worriedly, jogging a little to catch up to him.

"Adam, what's wrong?"

Adam wanted nothing more than to tell y/n exactly what was wrong. He was sure that if anyone knew how to comfort him, it would be her, she was so lovely, of course she'd be able to. But he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth, she was such a radiant and beautiful person, he didn't want to risk freaking her out and ruining this friendship. His racing mind was halted when y/n spoke once again.

"Come sit down, Adam. You look like you could use it" she said, sitting down on a bench and patting the spot next to her.

"You don't have to tell me what's bothering you, but you do have to tell me how I can help you" she said.

Adam couldn't believe his ears, it seemed as though y/n just knew exactly what he needed to hear in that moment. She was so kind, so attentive, so perfect. So unlike anyone else Adam had ever encountered. Her kindness struck a chord within him that he didn't know he had, and seemingly unprompted, tears began to well in his eyes.

"Oh, honey!" Y/n gasped, "Don't cry, sweetheart, come here, it's okay" she cooed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and rubbing his arm.

"I'm sorry, I'm being stupid" Adam choked  as he cleared his throat, trying his best not to cry.

"You're not being stupid, don't say that! Just take a few deep breaths, alright?" Y/n said, still smiling, ever smiling. How did she do that?

Adam breathed slowly, attempting to steady his shaking hands. He knew he'd have to tell her about what he'd been through at some point, but he wished he could have gone just a little longer without having to. Just a little longer to be Adam, the animal loving, record playing, charmingly moody guy from the bus stop. He didn't want to have to go back to being Adam, the paid stalker, the jigsaw victim, the self defence murderer. But as they say, all good things must come to an end.

Letting out a deep breath, Adam began to speak.

"I need to tell you something, and I understand if you don't wanna be friends anymore once I've told you"

Y/n's brow furrowed, but she didn't seem afraid.

"I was um.. a victim of that jigsaw guy, the one from the newspaper"

"What?" Y/n said in disbelief.

"He kidnapped me and chained me up in this room with this doctor, said that if we wanted to escape we had to saw our own feet off. A whole bunch of other shit went down, this guy came in the room with a gun and tried to kill me and the other guy, so I had to.." he trailed off and pursed his lips, "anyways, the doctor, he sawed off his foot and got out. I was too fucking scared and I'd already been shot by that point, so I just waited for him to get help. But the asshole never came back. I was in there for a couple days until the cops found me. Doctors say that if I'd been left just a few hours longer I'd be dead now."

Adam's face was expressionless as he started straight ahead at something that wasn't there. His fingers tangled themselves around the ends of the scarf he wore in an absent minded attempt to soothe himself. He could have swore that his heart stopped, the birds ceased their calls, the wind stilled and the world stopped turning for the painstakingly long few seconds he waited for y/n's reaction. He braced himself for the goodbye.

"Wow." She said softly, "you know, I think most people would let something like that turn them into a not so good person. It speaks volumes about your character that you're still so..."

Adam turned to look at her. She was smiling.

"... great" she said.

The look on her face was one that Adam had never seen before. It wasn't one of pity, not even a hint of disgust, just pure, unadulterated kindness. Adam thought she might very have been an angel in that moment.

"So... you still want to be friends?" He asked, feeling slightly more confident.

Y/n pulled him towards her by the scarf and looked him dead in the eyes.

"Adam, I want nothing more than to be your friend"

Adam felt himself smile, only slightly in relief, mostly just in pure ecstasy. Things were finally starting to go right for him.

A/n Hello! Thank you to those who said they wanted a part 2 to this! Comment if you wanna be tagged when part 3 is up :^)

Replies and reblogs are very much appreciated! I thrive on your validation lmao

Requests are open! Check my pinned post for details and masterlist! <3

[books-and-dragons]

I'm so sorry, I'm kinda drunk and dropping another idea, do with it whatever ye will.

Yknow how in the beginning of the game, Sojiro tells Ren he won't take care of him when he gets sick?

Consider: he's not used to city germs/being that closely shoved against other people on the train. He DOES start to get sick around Kamoshida's Palace, powers through it, and then is SUPER sick just after it's over.

He plans on sucking it up and hiding it, but Futaba hears his hacking coughs over her bug even when he's upstairs, followed by wheezing, maybe even a little weeping. He's constantly in and out of the bathroom, and he's starting to run out of tissues.

Futaba nervously texts Sojiro that the kid they took in sounds awful. Sojiro is gruff at first and says he's not a baby, he can take care of himself. She responds by sending him the audio and suddenly Dad Instincts kick in

y/n

obviously it's a YES, our brainrots continue because early-game ren and sojiro dynamics break my heart every time how dare you get me so invested in this idea, this post got too long so it's going under a read more

listen listen look i love sojiro and the coffee family okay, but early-game?? sojiro could catch these hands

ren has already been though so much by the time he arrives in tokyo, to then be put into a dusty old attic like a spare part would absolutely fit in with ren's own perception of himself at that stage. it would be almost too easy for him to put his own health on the backburner kinda like he's already used to it

very used to not taking up space, 'not being a bother', and then sojiro really reinforces this message when ren first gets to leblanc- so when ren inevitably gets ill a month into his probation, it's already doomed for maladaption

tokyo would be such a breeding ground for sickness compared to the countryside, and ren just doesn't have the consitution to deal with it. the dusty attic and poor eating habits don't help matters, and then we have the stress of kamoshida and the metaverse?? ren is not having a Good Time™

at first it's something he thinks he can shrug off, and is adamant that ignoring it is the way to go. a cold, it's nothing, he can handle this alone, no need to bother anyone else with it.

inevitably, he gets worse, because that's what happens when you don't rest and let yourself recover. a tickly cough becomes a tightness in his chest, mild congestion shifts into an attack on his senses and blurriness- but maybe that's the dizziness. he's not really sleeping, either.

it's something that's becoming increasingly difficult to brush off and hide, he even relented to finally getting some medicine (nothing as strong as he needs by this point, that would eat too much into his limited funds, but some painkillers to take the edge off). once or twice he's tempted to stay off school, at morgana's insistence, or a too close call where he definitely blacked out for a minute, but then sojiro's voice will ring in his head 'i won't be the one looking after you if you get sick', 'your parents got rid of you for being a pain in the ass', and all his worst insecurities come rushing back and he's resolved to deal with it on his own

meanwhile, futaba's been making use of her hidden audio bugs- normally they're a comfort for her in the daytime, but since the new kid- ren- has been staying at the cafe (part-timer her ass, how gullible does sojiro think she is?!), she's been listening more frequently. when ren gets sick, she figures it out quickly.

time goes on, he's not getting better- he's actually getting worse- and futaba starts to wonder if she's the only one who knows

(there's something in his sharp contrasts- the quiet kid who shuffles through the cafe and takes sojiro's scolding, to the coughing kid who cries into the silence of night when he thinks there's nobody there to see it- that stabs through her numbness. it feels like a companion to her own ghost)

one night she swears the kid gets up to be sick, and there's hardly any sound heard from the attic all night. if nobody's gonna help ren, then she will (futaba used to like helping, once upon a time).

she texts sojiro the next day, when ren doesn't say anything again, and goes off to school with what she bets is a fake assurance on his face

and you're so right, sojiro dismisses her concern really easily, claims the kid can 'take care of himself' and he won't 'baby' the part-timer. insists ren needs to learn some disipline, then maybe he'll stay out of trouble

frustration wells in futaba- if she was less fixated on what was going on with ren, she'd register it's one of the first changes of mood she's had for months- and she responds with nothing but an audio clip, an attached explanation that this is just from the past few days- it's been going on for weeks, then she waits, and hears the distant sound of her compilation through one of the bugs, a hitched breath from sojiro, curse words under his breath-

for all his earlier postulating about not helping ren if he gets sick, sojiro is immeditely struck with a pang of concern- it sounded bad, and if futaba's words were anything to go by, this had been going on for a while. the kid's at school now (at school, being as ill as that and he was still going to class-), so sojiro will talk to him when he gets back. there's a chance he goes a bit too over the top, between the variation of medicines he purchases, supplies he grabbed from home- if you accused him for over-compensating after maybe being too harsh on the kid in the beginning, you'd be right

and you just know ren would be so resistent at first to help, or even just the offer of staying off school. in his sickness-induced fugue, ren's filter-less in rattling off how he can't stay off, what will the students and teachers think, and he has work that afternoon, and a test soon, and he doesn't want to get in the way-

sojiro's heart just shatters

this kid, whose been silently carring the weight of the world and has apparently been falling to pieces for weeks now and sojiro didn't even notice?

(a part of it reminds him too much of the other kid he's got at home, the countless ways he's already failed futaba, and now ren too? he feels useless)

sojiro focuses on what he can do, and that's making the kid rest. work will understand, school can wait, ren isn't an inconvenience, he guides the kid to bed, calls takemi immediately (who rushes over, despite the fact she's technically closed at this hour, and refuses to take any payment),

even still, there's this stilted awkwardness between them when the quiet pushes on too long- they hardly know each other, afterall. sojiro is still figuring out the 'caring for kids' thing, and ren isn't familiar with any kind of parental affection, so some of sojiro's care veers a bit too close to clinical or mechanic, and ren still struggles to communicate what kind of help he needs, but it's enough for now.

for now, sojiro is there. he's trying, and at least ren's getting some colour back on his skin. for now, ren's willing to take a few days off and have some medicine, but he's over-apologetic and definitely tries to make up for his sickness once he's healed. it's gonna take them both a while yet, but luckily there's always their guardian hacker, ready and able to call them out when needed (and maybe some day she'll be able to keep an eye on ren and sojiro in person)

[myzzjolanda]

Welpz, I finished something.

I'm sorry if it's weird, I'm sorry for mistakes, English isn't my first language, bladiebladiebla. I'm just tired, wrote this in just over an hour because I wanted it written. It's cute at least. I guess.

____

KITTY

Show: Wednesday

Wordcount: 1776

Warnings: slight mentions of horror I guess?

Pairing: platonic Larissa Weems x reader

Enjoy!

It had been an increddible long day. An incredible long week even. Flu-season started, so on top of her normal workload, Larissa had to make sure classes of 3 different teachers were covered since they got ill as well, the heating system failed last Tuesday ánd Wednesday and on top of that, she had to pick up Wednesday Adams from the police station today. “Breaking into the curch? On broad daylight? What wére you thinking, miss Adams?”, she asked the girl angrily when they got to the car. She closed the door a bit too hard. Who can blame me, she thought; it’s Friday. I just wanted to get to bed after classes ended. “I was just testing a theory.”, the girl answered. Despite being angry, Larissa couldn’t resist being curious. “Theory? What kind of nonsense-theory did you want to tesr now?”, she answered impatiently when she started the car. “You know that Maria statue? I've been told that when the sun shines on her face in a right way at certain times, some discoulorations make it look like she’s crying blood. I wanted to see that for myself.”. Larissa shuddered. “That’s the… weirdest story I’ve heard in a while. Especially since you decided to break into the church for it! I wont accept such nonsense, you’ll meet at the church tomorrow morning at 8:30, as we have promised the curch and the police, so that you can help clean up the mess!”.

When Larissa entered her rooms next to her office an hour later, she leaned against the door and closed her eyes first. She sighed and put her face into her hands. “that was embarrasing…”, she whispered. She walked to her chair and took of her coat and shoes. She sat down for a moment. She still had so much to do, but she felt tired. So tired… She didn’t have much time to sleep this week. Not even to relax. Although all problems were fixed quite well and quickly, she still felt quite stressed. Larissa felt her lower lip tremble a bit. Perhaps just a little nap? She walked to her bedroom. A little nappy wouldn’t hurt anyonr. She had been quite big this week, she deserved it. She didn’t even bother changing or removing her make-up. When she hid under her blankets, Larissa her arms automatically reached out for Kitty. But now… Larissa’s eyes were wide open immediatly. “Kitty?”. Her lower lip trembled again and her eyes started to water. “Where’s my Kitty?”

___

When the last students of your class left, you burried your face in your hands. It was flu-season, and you surely felt like you almost had the flu. Your head hurt, your throat hurt, your face hurt, everything hurt. Slowly, you packed your stuff. You wanted to go to sleep quickly, but you first had to go to Larissa first. You promised her to go to town together tomorrow, but feeling as you did, it wasn’t a good idea to go out tomorrow. You walked to Larissa’s classroom first, since that was closer to your classroom than her office. It was still open, but it was empty. Except… for a black kitten plushy on Larissa’s desk? She walked to the plushy and picked it up. There wasn’t a name or anything on it. You decided to bring it with you to Larissa her office, since she could tell you who the plushy belonged to. When you knew, you could return it.

Luckily, the walk to Larissa’s office was short, since you started to feel tired from walking already. You knocked on her door. And waited. And knocked again. You frowned. It was Friday afternoon. Larissa never had any appointments at this time… had she? You heard footsteps behind you. “She just had to pick up Wednesday from the policestation”, you heard Vlad say. “oh! Of course.”, you said. You looked at him and gave him a small smile. “thanks.”

When you were in your rooms, you raised the plushy to eyelevel. “oh, what to do with you?”, you said to the plushy. You frowned a bit. Eventually, you decided to make a picture with it and send iy to Larissa, asking whose plushy it is and telling her you kept it safe untill the owner reclaimed it. When you sent the picture, you picked up the plushy again. “Well, wanna make some new friends for the time being? Come one, I’ve got some cute friends for you!”, you said enthousasticly. Although you felt quite sick, the thought of your own plushies made you quite happy. “Look, I got a guard bear over there, from my visit to London, he protects everyone… and look! My me to you bears, they are cute and fluffy, and that big brown bear over there I got from my uncle when I was two… I think you’ll fit in his lap quite well!”, you told the plushy quite happily. You jawned. You were really tired. “wait for me when you want to sleep. I’mma get changed. I need a nappy!”, you told your plushies and the new kitten. When you crawled under the blankets a few minutes later, you fell asleep almost immediatly.

___

Larissa paced around in her office worried. What happened to Kitty? She had brought her to her classroom that day, simply because she didn’t trust the new cleaner. What if she decided to steal her Kitty, or just throw her away? Larissa was nervous about bringing her plushy, since the chance of anyone finding out she had a plushy or the fact that she could lose her was too big to her, but she wasn’t letting her in her rooms with that mean cleaner. But after class, she got a call that Wednesday was arrested again and she had to run to the policestation to pick her up, and she couldn’t remember what she had done with her plushy. She remember rushing to pack her stuff, but Kitty wasn’t in her bag, so Kitty must’ve been still in the classroom. But when she went to her classroom, Kitty wasn’t there either.

Larissa started to panick. Were was her Kitty? Was she alone? Was she scared? Who knew. She wanted to call you about it. Ask for your help finding her. But she was scared of your reaction, since you didn’t know about her Kitty yet and het normaly perfect make-up was ruined from the crying and tantrums she had because she couldn’t find Kitty anywhere. She looked at her phone on her desk, doubting if she should call you or not. Precisely at that moment, her screen lit up. Slightly suprised, she walked to her phone. It was a message from you, with a picture of –

“KITTY!”, Larissa almost yelled out hapily. “Hey Riss, I found this cute plushy in your classroom, do you know whom it belongs to? Can you tell them I bring it to my room and that they can pick it up there?”, she read aloud softly. She had do read the message multiple times before the realisation came her plushy was safe. “She’s save, she’s save, she’s save!”, Larissa almost sang when jumping around in her room. “But know I have to tell y/n that the plushy is mine.”. Now, Larissa frowned a bit. “oh well, she wouldn’t mind I guess. And if she does, I don’t care. I want my Kitty back.”. And with that, she quickly put on her shoes and walked to your room.

___

You quickly woke up from a knock on your door. You looked at the time on your phone. “Oh shit, 9 already!”, you mumbled. You stumbled the door and saw Larissa standing there. She looked like a complete mess. “Larissa? Come in, are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying!” “Yes… Yes, I’m okay now, thank you.”. She stepped in. “Are yóú okay though? You sound horrible.” “Nah, I think I’ll have to cancel our plans for tomorrow. I’m afraid I cought a flu too. But tell me Riss, why have yoj been crying?”. Larissa opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it again. She played with a ring on her finger nervously. “The kitten plushy you found? That one is mine. I lost her. I got her ages ago and I grew fond of her, and then I thought I lost her for good because l couldn’t find her anywhere, and then I got upset because my Kitty is just the sweetest and I was so tired and I just wanted my Kitty and…” Larissa stopped talking. She looked at her feet nervously. “Ooh she’s yours! Don’t worry, I can understand you were scared!” “Do you? I’m certain you think I’m chidlish.”. You took her hand and almost pulled her to your bedroom. “No I don’t! Look, I got to show you something!”.

___

When they walked into y/n’s bedroom, Larissa could feel her eyes get big. Her bed was full of cute plushies, and there, on the lap of a big brown bear was her Kitty. “Look Rissa, your Kitty wasn’t alone here! No reason to be scared!”. Y/n pulled Larissa closer to the bed. “Look, Bear was cuddling her. And Guardbeary protects all the plushies. And look! So much friends!”. Y/n sounded happy as a child, despite not feeling well. Larissa watched as she climbed under her blankets again. “Here, there’s your Kitty!”, y/n said, after which she grabbed a plushie to hold for herself. Larissa smiled softly and planted a kiss on Kitty’s head. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wont ever lose you again.”. Larissa noticed y/n looking at her. “What?”, she asked her. “Do you sometimes feel little as well?”. Larissa thought about that for a moment. “Yes. Mostly when I’m alone with Kitty in my room. It works well with loneliness and stress…”. Y/n smiled. “it does, doesn’t it! Why do you think I collect plushies?”. Larissa giggled. Y/n was cute like this actually. In the middle of all her plushies. “Should I tuck you in, my sweet y/n? You’re still ill.” “Yes please! But who is going to tuck you in?”. Larissa thought about that for a moment. “Tonight I’m going to manage myself I guess. I got Kitty back as my support!”. Larissa smiled when she saw y/n immediatly grab for a plushy and close her eyes when she was fully tucked in. “Goodnight, Y/n.” “goodnight, Rissa. Don’t forget your Kitty.”. Larissa stood up and walked through the door. When she opened the door, she heard her name again. “Rissa? Can we have a playdate tomorrow? With our plushies?”. Larissa hugged her Kitty tighter hapily. “I’d love to.”.

[kaurwreck]

On Stormbringer, why Chuuya's humanity isn't left ambiguous, and why N is wildly unreliable for exposition. Everything beneath the Read More is both spoilers and also nonsense if you're unfamiliar with or haven't finished Stormbringer.

I read Stormbringer because when trying to dig into Chuuya's backstory, I couldn't find any clear information. However, the sum of what I was able to find indicated that whether Chuuya was the original or the clone was left ambiguous. And then I read Stormbringer, and it wasn't left ambiguous at all; textually and metatextually, the story concludes that he is the original.

The only specific argument I've seen as to why Chuuya's humanity is ambiguous is that N said he was a clone and there would be no reason for N to lie to Chuuya. But, N has every incentive to lie to Chuuya. The only way to continue the research effectively is to have back the research's source material; iterating on a clone is ill-advised (consider training deep learning models on output from deep learning models, as a comparable example) and can only suffice for so long if it ever sufficed at all. (If that logic isn't enough on its own, N's quick dismissal of the clone's bio matter is.)

But, if your source material believes himself to be an individual, he will resist returning to you as source material. That's the only explanation for why N tortured Chuuya too: if Chuuya's conscious self is separated from his singularity, such as when Randou separated him, the singularity is released as a black hole kaiju, so you can't simply lobotomize him. But maybe you can psychologically break him into complacency.

The only other argument against the epilogue as evidence enough that Chuuya is the original might be that Mori is unreliable for exposition too. Except, in his dealings with Chuuya, Mori is uncharacteristically sincere, honest, and forthcoming. He is manipulative, but because he's manipulative, he understands that Chuuya responds better to frankness. Further, the two people he presents to Chuuya as his birth parents resemble the actual author's parents, providing metatextual validation that those are his parents.

I can't imagine what's left that is ambiguous.

I think, at least sometimes, people just want it to be ambigious. I've seen takes that in confirming that Chuuya is the original, the epilogue cheapens Chuuya's arc. It doesn't, but placing his nonhumanity as integral to his arc certainly would. His arc is that it didn't matter if he was the original or the clone; as Randou told him in Fifteen, regardless of any of our origins, we are all patterns written on flesh. (That's important, because it's what Verlaine couldn't understand himself, and his inability to grasp it, his belief that he was inherently deficient for his origins, is why he perceived insincerity in Randou's assurances.) Mori gifts him the opportunity to confirm his background years after he'd already chosen his innate humanity. He accepts Mori's gesture but does not act on it, because the confirmation that he was born to his parents changed nothing to him. It sincerely did not not matter.

The epilogue's confirmation that Chuuya was born to parents and isn't a clone would only cheapen his arc if Chuuya's humanity existed in defiance of his nonhumanity. But that was never the story. Rather, the story is that Chuuya embraces and internalizes faith in himself and his innate humanity, something with which he struggles as he's fraught with insecurity over whether he's capable of being who he needs to be for those he loves. It's evident that this is his arc because faith in one's innate humanity, compassion, and ability to navigate uncertainty is paralleled throughout, including in Dazai and Adam.

It's also why Stormbringer is framed within the context and themes of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein; Frankenstein's monster isn't human in defiance of his inhumanity, he, like Frankenstein and the rest of us, is human because he comprises patterns of curiosity, love, and mistakes made flesh.

[deermook]

HELLO TUMBLR im very normal, have some Warrior Cats MD

(‼️MAJOR HOUSE SPOILERS‼️)

House is a greyblue cornish rex and idk if frostheart is too corny, I was also thinkibg thunderheart or stormheart but idk its frostheart for now, he was a warrior intent on becoming deputy but he was struck by a car and his leg got mangled so the only job he could actually do was medcat. He used to be an exceptional hunter and loved to lead patrols, now he can hardly even get his own herbs without needing to stop and rest. It makes him angry with starclan and he adamantly refuses to communicate with them. he makes Chase (Whitefoot) do it for him, and when he gets prophetic dreams he keeps them to himself.

Cuddy is Lushstar, formerly Lushpelt, and she got the position of deputy instead of house when he was struck on the thunderpath, she feels guilty for that and he’s the best medcat any clan has ever had so she just lets him get away with his crazy schemes and flagrant disregard for the warrior code and starclan.

Cameron is named Moonface, shes a shorthaired calico cat with a pure white face, she quits and leaves the clan to strike out as a loner after falling in love w whitefoot and witnessing him kill another cat in battle because not only can she not love whitefoot now that she knows what hes capable of, she also just cant live in a place that may require her to take a life.

Chase is a longhaired buff tabby with white paws named Whitefoot, he talks to starclan for Frostheart and almost leaves after moonface but decides to stay and help the clan recover after the battle. He (naturally) ends up taking over for frostheart.

Wilson is a ragdoll cat named Riversong and he serves as the deputy until it becomes public that he is not ONLY unfaithful to his mate (i dont have a name for her sorry julie) but hes also having an AFFAIR with the medcat aughhh the drama!! he has to step down because Lushstar cant uphold her image as leader of this clan and just let that continue.

Enter foreman! Foreman is a brown tabby named Badgertooth. Badgertooth becomes deputy after Riversong steps down, and once Lushstar retires, he becomes Badgerstar :)

Thirteen is a silver tabby oriental shorthair named riptide, she retires early to the queens den after learning she has a terminal illness so she can spend the rest of her days at ease with a mate.

Taub is a tan scottish fold named Shortear, and he has fathered two litters of kits! Lol

Kutner is a siamese cat named Petalstep, he ate a bunch of deathberries and nobody has any idea why :( his parents were kittypets, he was brought to the clan as a very young kit after their twoleg threw him out.

Masters is a solid orange cat named sunfur and she has to step away from the medcat position and return to being a warrior because House’s flagrant disrespect for the warrior code and starclan as well as his attitude towards his clanmates was starting to make her sick.

Park is a black shorthaired cat with a white spot on her chest and a bobtail named Crushclaw and she becomes close with Whitefoot after Frostheart and Riversong disappear without a trace.

adams is a Havana Brown cat with a white tailtip named Foxtail! I really dont have much to say on her ^^;

Amber is named goldenglow, she tried to he a medcat but was too aggressive and thus became a warrior instead! She is hit by a car trailing worried after Frostheart late at night and dies💔

They live in the abandoned ppth lobby right, I figure its probably like. Overrun with plants mice and stuff so theres plenty for them to hunt, but they can also venture outside to get food too! Since the lobby is huge, I figure its probably a huge clan, WHICH is why they can afford to have three medcat apprentices. Idk about other clans, I was thinking maybe there are other clans on the different levels of the building? The cafeteria is neutral meeting ground, the roof is neutral ground, and anything from the parking lot outwards is neutral ground, obvs wherever medcats go to get visions is also neutral. I figure their moonpool equivalent is in house’s office somewhere, maybe the balcony? Idk, but he always brings his apprentices with him. Its a journey that takes him several days since he has to traverse the abandoned, crumbling stairs and other such obstacles that come with living in an abandoned hospital.

[thetrashbinseries]

— Fahrenheit Part Three ( bangchan x reader )

rated - mature | minors dni

parts - one, two, three

warnings - idol universe, name changed idols (ones unrelated to skz), mature themes, drug use, alcohol use, sexual themes, mentions of mental illness, slight angst, internet bullying and harassment

x x x

The biting chill of New York City doesn't stop the crowd from forming outside the Mixer nightclub. Glittering dresses cling to shivering bodies, and the line snakes around the corner. Men with cross earrings, edgy tattoos, and silky updos chat, their breath visible in the frigid air. My Uber Black rolls up to the front, and I observe the scene. 

Despite being a newcomer, I am now qualified to step into this world. Retrieving my phone from my black clutch, my coffin-shaped nails tap out a message to Jake. 

outside now 

As I glance out the window, I ponder if the Uber driver's patience stems from the luxury vehicle or my personality. People treat you differently when they think you have something they don't – that disingenuous feeling irks me. I haven't changed; I am still the same person without a record deal or viral singles. The driver doesn’t even likely care that far—if I’m paying for an Uber black, dressed the way I am, I must be somebody. 

Rarely stepping out, recognition brings a wave of anxiety. Medication eases my nerves tonight. A text from Jake illuminates my screen. 

out front? 

yeah where else would I be? 

private entrance in the back. 

He double-texts. 

ill get you from there 

“Oh?” I voice my surprise. Leaning toward the driver, I request, “Can you take me to the back, please? This is the wrong entrance.” 

With a nod, the driver obliges, and we pull away. Eyes follow the tinted windows, curious about the occupant. The relief washes over me; a private entrance awaits. 

As we circle around, a black door with a colossal bouncer in a sleek black suit comes into view. Standing over six feet tall with broad shoulders and flowing black hair in a ponytail, he exudes an imposing presence. Stepping out of the truck, I smooth my little black dress.    I hate dresses. 

“Hi,” I greet the bouncer with a friendly smile and wave, but his stoic response hints at slim chances of entry.    There’s no way he’s letting me in here. 

Just as I am about to ask, the door swings open. Jake emerges, looking more expensive than the other night at my house. In a satin cream-colored outfit, he leaves the top unbuttoned over a black tank. Sunglasses push into his styled hair, makeup accentuating his eyes and flawless skin. 

“What’s up, beautiful?” he greets, arms outstretched, a confident smile on his lips as he embraces me. I pull away, handing him his knitted hat from my clutch. 

“You almost had me fucked,” I say, referring to the way he carelessly left it at my place, after being adamant about no evidence of another guy being there. 

“Aww, sweetheart, if he didn't fuck you after flying across the country, I hope you're here to tell me you two broke up.” Jake chuckles, taking the hat. 

“You know what I mean,” I reply through clenched teeth. “It’s freezing. Take me inside—” 

“Jake?!” A girl's voice jolts me. “Jake Wong?!” Two girls emerge, probably aware of the private entrance and eager for a chance encounter. The bouncer moves to intervene, but Jake waves him off, effortlessly engaging the girls in conversation. 

One of them jumps excitedly, phone in hand. “Oh my god, can we get a photo? Please? I'm obsessed with your new album!” 

The other rambles on, “I went to see you on tour twice! In Dallas and in Jersey, do you remember me? We met afterwards at the hotpot restaurant!” 

“Of course, I remember you, beautiful. How could I forget such a pretty face? Come on, let’s take a group shot.” Jake signals the bouncer to be their photographer, dropping his shades back over his eyes. He positions himself between the two girls, arms around their shoulders as they hug him closely, posing with big smiles and peace signs. 

“It’s cold out tonight, you should keep yourself warm—here.” Jake hands one of the girls the knitted beanie, and she can barely contain her excitement as she steps in place. 

Officially never have to worry about that again. 

I slip into the club before anyone else notices me. Being photographed with Jake would only attract more attention, and I'm not a k-pop idol; it would only lead to unnecessary questions. 

Chris would've advised against coming, but he's not my keeper. Jake is a good friend, guiding me through this lifestyle. Chris, who spends most of his time in Korea, can't offer the same advice as Jake, who's immersed in American media. 

Speaking of which, I get a notification on my phone. 

babydaddy: *2 attachments* 

babydaddy: it rained last night and the streets looked like that painting in your bedroom 

babydaddy: I know it's random, but it’s real artsy. Might try my hand at photography hahaha 

Cool air rushes in as Jake returns. He pushes his glasses back up atop his head. “Sorry about that, you good?” 

“Yeah, I just... these places give me anxiety. Too many people, you can hardly move, you know? I don’t really club anymore. It’s not as fun as it used to be.” I hold my phone close. 

“You don’t have to worry about that with me. The VIP section here doesn’t get like that. Come on, you've been in that house too long.” Jake takes my wrist, and I follow him, glancing at my phone and opening the photo attachments from Chris. 

Wherever Chris was when he took the photos, it’s empty, the dead silent of night. It looks like an alleyway, with neon signs and storefronts. Their glow reflects on the pavement like glittering lucky coins. 

A small smile stretches my lips, and I lock the phone, almost tripping and ripping my wrist away from Jake, slapping his arm. “Careful, asshole!” I chide. He shoots back, “Get off your phone and maybe you can be careful too.”     He’s not wrong. 

Now, back in my environment, I notice a red rope blocking an open doorway. The music is louder, and I wonder how much louder it can get once we’re inside. Were clubs always this loud? I can hardly remember. I’m not that old, am I? 

Ugh. This might totally be Jake’s thing, not mine. 

Another bouncer. I know their job is to protect the wealthy and influential, but do they all have to be so massive? Where do they find these guys? He steps aside, unhooking the rope by its golden clasp, and I enter, this time voluntarily clutching onto Jake’s arm and pressing my body as close to his as possible. 

Sure enough, the VIP section, and this club in general, is a dazzling spectacle. Talk about over-the-top—the mirrored ceilings above the booths reflect the money and gold bars encased in the clear flooring. Crystallized lighting sconces stand outside each booth, offering an option to be covered by a curtain, with lavish black velvet couches inside each. In the darkness, I can't discern individual colors; it's so dark that I'm surprised Jake can navigate us to his table. Even the sconces emit a barely-there, almost tea-light glow. 

As I arrive, I see several other folks sitting around—some laughing and talking, others engrossed in their phones. Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice pierces the music, prompting me to let go of Jake as he greets another artist. 

Oh, I know this guy. Well, I don’t know him, but I sure do recognize his wavy hair and tattooed arms and hands proudly displayed on the visible parts of his skin showing from his wifebeater top. 

“What’s up, Jake?! Inju said you were here, I said—I gotta go say what’s up to my boy!” 

It’s an infamously problematic former idol that runs in these circles parallel to Jake in America. Known for shameless and repeated counts of cultural appropriation from black American culture, amongst other questionable moral offenses. He was all but exiled from Korea years ago but seemed to have become even bigger on his own in America and internationally too. 

“Good to see you, Ray,” Jake replies, confirming my suspicions. 

Ray Park.    I look around, but I see no flashes, no cameras, not even any phones directed in our direction. I’m still paranoid about being seen in any close proximity to Ray. I’m quite vain to believe anyone really cares that much about me, but because I’m new, I wanted to observe from the background more than anything else. See how things moved around these parts. I quietly step away while they converse, giving them privacy as I sit down on the couch. About an arm’s length away, there’s another girl. She’s beautiful, a girl with long black hair that falls into her lap. She’s on her phone, and I figure I might have a chance at talking to her to at least figure out where the alcohol is at. A little liquid courage could do me well right now; I feel way too uptight. 

“Hey,” I say, raising my voice over the music as I lean over to her. She looks up with wide, glitter-lined eyes, her phone illuminating her blue dolly lenses. “You know where I can get any tequila?” 

“Oh yeah! Gimmie a sec.” She jumps up, maybe a little too excitedly for the request, but I figure, that must be her personality. She seems cute. She tugs at the bottom of her silver dress to adjust it before she sidles over to the other side of the couch where a white guy in a fitted cap is sitting. I can see a tattoo going down the side of his neck, but otherwise, he’s pretty covered, including sunglasses. Something about him gives me stay away vibes. She whispers something in his ear, and he affirms her, standing up and nodding to Jake before leaving the section. 

I'm confused; what does that mean? 

She sits back down, smooths out her dress, and opens her clutch, pulling out what appears to be a very unusually tiny compact mirror. Maybe it’s the size of a quarter? No, that can’t be a compact mirror; it would be impossible to— 

To my dismay, she dips the tip of her stiletto pinky nail into it once she flips the lid open and brings it to her nose, taking a big sniff and wriggling her nose after, sniffling a couple more times before dabbing her nose with the back of her hand delicately. 

I immediately avert my gaze. 

Oh, I’m in the trenches. 

I start to feel uneasy. I pull my phone out and bring up my thread with Chris. I quickly type out a reply. 

if you become a photographer, Hyunjin has some competition, those are gorgeous. I kinda wanna get them printed in canvas. 

cute way to admit it was raining and you thought of me 

I’m thinking of you too ;) 

I tuck my phone away, feeling a bit more settled. Suddenly, there’s commotion on the opposite side of the VIP section. The DJ is playing air horn sound effects back to back, and then Jake’s newest single starts booming throughout the venue. He walks over to the balcony and begins waving, and I can hear all kinds of screams. I do love this song, and he’s certainly in his element, which I love to see. I stand up, unable to resist a good groove, and I inch my way out from the couch to have standing room. 

More airhorns sound, and a bright flash emerges above the heads of everyone else. I'm confused for a split second until I notice they're sparklers. 

“Oh shit?!” Jake exclaims, looking back at some members of his crew. “Which one of you?” 

“Your girl!” a guy exclaims, pointing at me. 

My eyes widen as I catch the error in his identification. Not only am I NOT Jake’s girl, but I am NOT responsible for the bottle girls making their way over here with what appears to be four bottles of… 

Casamigos 

Tequila.    But I didn’t mean-- 

I immediately shoot a look at the girl from earlier, but she’s already hugged up on another guy on the couch, holding her finger under his nose as he takes a suspiciously long, hard sniff. Jake enthusiastically embraces me, and I already knew he had been drinking, but now? It’s going to get worse. 

“Jake, this is—a lot of attention. I didn’t know you were a special fucking guest here tonight.” I say close to his ear so he can hear me and just how annoyed I am. “I told you me and Chris just made up!” 

His arm is around my waist as he leans down to pick up one of the bottles, already fitted with a metal spout. “What? You're not allowed to party without asking your stray kid?” He laughs, throwing back what looked to me to be quite the lengthy pour. “I’m kidding, I’m sure he wants you to have fun too, or is he a controlling, abusive boyfriend?” 

“It’s not that, it’s just—“ 

“Open up,” he says, tilting his chin up at me as he holds the bottle in front of me. “C’mon, girl, live a little!” 

I do want to drink. In fact, I’m the reason why four bottles of fucking tequila came prancing into the section to begin with. It’s private up here anyway; I’m being paranoid. This is what I convince myself. 

I’m not doing anything wrong. 

This is what I keep telling myself whenever I’m doing questionable shit morally. 

But why do I keep challenging my morals? 

What the fuck even are my morals? 

Shaking my head, I let my head fall back, I open my mouth, and I take in as much tequila as I can manage before it’s just completely gross. For some reason, this gets the other nearby people cheering, and they too, start passing the other bottles around and pouring shots into glasses and each other’s mouths. 

“Look at you, fucking rockstar.” Jake says, his nose nuzzled into the hair by my ear. I’m not sure what gives me the chills, his words, or how he says them. 

“Yeah yeah, I know.” I say with as much strength as I can muster, parting our bodies. “This place is pretty cool, the music’s hot. The people--” I don’t finish that sentiment as I look around at the questionable few that I’ve seen thus far. 

Jake can’t stop moving; he’s not full-out dancing, but he’s moving around with an excellent sense of rhythm. It’s got me laughing and moving with him too, spinning me around and catching me just in time before I lose my footing. He leans to my ear again, “You should see the downstairs; it’s fucking huge.” He steps back, his eyes widening as he puts his hands out to show the growth in size. He then jerks his head to the balcony. “Here, let me show you.” 

I join him at the balcony, feeling the buzz of top-shelf liquor in my loins. I’m not exactly thinking straight. People start cheering again, and I quickly have a knee-jerk reaction as if I’ve made a terrible mistake, but I don’t know why. Jake leans over the balcony, pouring out from the bottle onto expectant fans below. It’s probably not getting in anyone’s mouth; they’re all just collecting at the wall, clamoring to get a drop poured onto them. I try not to make it obvious as I back up into the safety of the darkness, out of the view of the general public below. 

This celebrity shit is exhausting. 

I just wanna get drunk and shake my ass. 

I don’t even wanna do this part. Can’t I just make music? 

“Hey beautiful, I don’t think I got your name?” 

Once Ray Park approaches me, I know I’ve about had enough of this scene. I force a tight-lipped smile and nod at him. “Y/N.” 

He mispronounces it for confirmation. 

“No, Y/N” I say a little more clearly. 

“Your name sounds familiar, what, you a singer or something?” Ray inquires. 

“Yeah, kinda.” I say before I hurriedly add, “I gotta go to the bathroom. Nice meeting you, though!” And I beeline for the door that we came into earlier. Once I’m in the empty hallway, I feel like I can breathe, not even realizing I was holding my breath. I can feel the alcohol settling in more, and it’s getting a bit tough for me to fake sober. I can feel the inhibitions disappearing. 

I should smoke. Yeah, I should smoke so I can think out my next moves. I step out the door and nod to the bouncer who steps aside, and I take out my pre-roll, cupping my hand to spark the flame that engulfs the thin paper twisted end of the joint before disappearing with a couple of light puffs from my lips. 

I have to leave for LA in two days.  Eli, and the rest of the band members are going to meet me out there, at the rental house.  It’ll be nice to see Eli again, and get out to perform again, which is what we love doing the most.  We’ll have a couple of meetings too, with the label.  That’s the part that’s gnawin’ at me. Music reviews, suits with no rhythm telling me what to change, make it more palatable to everyone but me.    I take another drag and my phone pulls me from my runaway thought train.  I can feel my heart skip a beat, like I’m a child with a crush. 

Stumbling slightly, I retrieve my phone from my clutch. 

Damn, did I drink that much? 

I blink away the drunken haze, opening my notifications and clicking on the message. 

babydaddy: Oh, I don’t know about that, baby. Hyunjin's really good, but thanks lol. 

babydaddy: yeah……you got me, I’m definitely thinking about you hehe. 

babydaddy: I think about you when it rains. 

babydaddy: It’s late over there, you’re still up??? 

I lock my screen, dropping my phone to my side as I take another puff. No immediate response; the right words elude me. 

When a familair call breaks the silence. I roll my eyes and answer. 

“If I lose you one more time tonight, I swear to God—” 

“What? You swear to God what?” I kiss my teeth. “I told you, being the guest of the night, I can’t hang.” Glancing around, I lower my voice, “Shorty on the couch was doing coke off her acrylics. And Ray Park was there? I’m calling an Uber.” 

“You for real right now?” Jake's voice struggles against the thumping music. 

“I’m out, Jake. You know where to find me. Call me sober, and not a second sooner.” 

I end the call, shaking my head with disappointment. Swiping to my Uber app, I call for a ride back to Jersey, the driver just four minutes away. Moving down the alley, I hold my coat tight, shielding myself from the icy wind that pricks my bare thighs. 

My stomach grumbles, a mix of emptiness and a craving for something satisfyingly awful. The tap of my heels leads me to a corner where a man grills hot dogs and sausages. Only one person ahead of me, the tantalizing smells engulf me. 

“One with everything, please.” 

“Spicy or not?” 

“Not spicy, please.”    “You were at the club tonight?” he asks, looking up only for a second before returning to his task, arranging my hotdog. “It’s early to be going home, no?” 

I chuckle, “It’s eleven at night! That’s late.” 

“Ah well, not here. Usually, I have line way down the street at three...yes at three everybody is ready for sleep all day.” He gestures behind me. 

“Your food must be good then.” I say, impressed with his narrative as he hands me my meal, wrapped neatly in foil.    I give him cash, tell him to keep the change, and with the buzz of my Uber arriving, I bid the hot dog chef goodbye. Walking a few paces to a black Escalade, I disappear into the backseat. 

Relaxing only when the door is closed, seatbelt secured, I sit back with a sigh. 

“Y/N?” The driver confirms. 

“Yes.” 

The Escalade cruises through the city, leaving the club and its wild allure in my rearview. The smell of street food wafts through the air, and I feel the warmth of the hotdog in my lap. My FaceTime rings, and I glance at my updated contact photo of Chris—black and white, his bare back on full display as he sits on the opposite end of the bed on his phone, completely unaware of how beautiful parts of him can look candidly.   

Something simple, but it was sexy to me.    His goofy emojis make my dopamine surge, and I answer without hesitation.    "Oop." 

Changbin's face appears, eyes wide, hand covering his mouth. Another head pops into view and disappears too quickly to identify, accompanied by muffled exclamations of "Oop" and "Ope." Changbin, the apparent culprit, glances off-screen guiltily. 

He begins in Korean, and my rusty language skills catch words like 'phone,' 'really,' and 'answered.' I respond in both English and Korean, demanding answers. "Yeah, I answered! Why do you have Chan’s phone? What did you do?" The chorus of surprised sounds echoes through the call. 

"Your Korean is so good!" Changbin exclaims in English. The phone is snatched away, and I hear Chris' muffled voice through his hand covering the speaker. I can't comprehend the words, but Chris quickly switches back to English, apologizing for the chaotic background.    "Oh my God, baby, I'm so sorry about that. They start drinking and turn into monkeys, all of them," Chris explains, his voice slightly higher and choppy with movement. The camera blurs as he paces, and suddenly, a door closes, casting the room into darkness. He flicks on a switch, revealing a studio in the JYPE building. 

"It's early to be drinking over there, right?" I question. 

"That's what I said!" Chris exclaims, finally settling on a black couch. He tilts the phone toward himself, leaning back. "What're you all done up for? You in a car right now?" 

"Just went out with a friend, tried a club in New York. Wasn't my thing," I casually reply, avoiding details. 

"Ah," he nods, bringing the phone closer. "What club was it?"    Jesus fuck why is he asking me all these questions?! 

Chris excels at conversation, delving into details with his myriad of questions. It's never intrusive, just genuine interest. "Club Mixer," I respond, watching his reaction through the screen. 

"Hmm, sounds kinda familiar. Was it cool? Bump into anyone interesting?" 

"Nah, no one mega-famous or anything." I glance out the window, shrugging. "Getting too old for this kinda thing." 

"Same here." 

I snort. "Come on, you're practically a baby. Your age talk kills me." 

"'Cause I am old! I'm twenty-seven, almost twenty-eight. In Korea, I'm already twenty-eight!" 

"I thought they ditched that system." 

"They did, but I'm still pushing thirty." He's insistent. "I mean, in the real world, that's young. But in K-Pop, I'm..." He chuckles, envisioning younger idols. "I'm climbing up there." His gaze returns to me. 

He's got makeup on, just enough to alter the look of his eyes. Dressed in a deep-cut sleeveless shirt, hair tufted above a designer sweatband, two small silver hoops in his ears. 

"I'm a cougar then." 

"I mean, cougars are hot." 

I laugh, and a chuckle from the driver makes me more aware of my surroundings. Peering out, we pass willow trees lining the street near the grocery store minutes from my home. 

"Almost home, beautiful babygirl?" He sings, unusually animated. 

“Cap, cap.” I wave my hand. 

“What?” he asks with a laugh. 

“That’s cap, you’re overdoing it.  Did you have something to drink too?” I lift a suspicious brow. 

  “Are you speaking Gen Z at me?” Chris’ laughter increases. “No I didn’t have anything to drink, someone’s gotta keep things under control around here.  You do look gorgeous though, I mean that.  Wish I was there with you.” 

He holds back a smile, licking his lips. "Not a guarantee, but I might be in LA while you're there. How long are you staying?" 

"A week. Leaving this Sunday." 

A series of knocks startle Chris, and he yells back. Once he identifies the visitor, he turns to me, "Oh, it's Felix. He was out earlier. Wanna say hi?" 

"Oh, sure!" I reply. Talking to Chris's members like this isn't my usual thing. Felix is the one I've chatted with the most, thanks to our shared mother tongues, but the others, well, we've had our interactions, even if they involved a lot of Papago (I'm looking at you, Minho). They were a bit awkward, understandably, knowing this wasn't the norm. Still, they supported their friend, their leader, their brother, and just kept to their business, willingly oblivious unless I was around.    But I rarely went to Seoul, it's easier to fly under the radar here in America when we’re together. 

"Felix? You can come in," Chris calls. The driver slows to a stop at my driveway, and I rush out to get into my home. Giving the driver five stars and a tip, I open my front door.  "Hello!" Felix's voice comes through. He waves with a smile as he sits down next to Chris, running his hands through his blonde hair. "How have you been?" 

"Good, good, just working on album three. Lots of extra steps now, now that the label’s involved and stuff." I say, matching his enthusiasm. 

"Yeah? Chan showed me a little bit of uh—what was it called again?" Felix turns to Chris, nodding to a rhythm he's established from memory. "Gatekeeping the best parts of you from me." He sings, two octaves deeper than the actual song, but I laugh as Chris snaps his fingers, recognizing the tune. 

"Constellations!" Chris exclaims. 

"Yeah, that's it! Oh, it's so catchy. I'm excited to hear the new album," Felix says. "I still see your songs on TikTok all the time when I'm scrolling. I send them to Chan when I see a really good one." 

Chan looks up thoughtfully as Felix talks. "You do send me some really good ones." 

"Yeah, but the last few you didn't respond to." 

"I didn't? Maybe I forgot. You send so much sometimes. I don't have enough time to go through it all." 

Watching them banter keeps me entertained as I take my heels off and sit down on my bed. "You can always just send them to me, Felix. I'm chronically online too," I joke. 

"That's not a bad idea. Y/N likes to game too." 

"Yeah? What do you play?" 

"Oh, he knows I barely have time these days, but I get lost in Stardew Valley, Pokemon, Apex—" 

"You play Apex?" 

"Occasionally, like I said, when I get a chance." I laugh. 

"Who do you main?" 

Chris interrupts, "Alright, alright. I'll give you her number, and you two can continue this conversation later. Felix, did you need me out there?" 

Felix stands up, "I just brought home food. We're about to eat, if the others didn't already get to it all by now." 

Chris lets out a pained groan and sigh. "What is it?" 

"BaeBae's Kitchen." Felix rocks back and forth on his knee on the edge of the couch as he awaits Chris's decision. 

"I'm not really hungry, but put some away for me?" 

"Yeah, sure, no problem." Felix leans down to wave to me once more. "It was nice seeing you again! Enjoy your night!" 

"You too, Felix!" 

He leaves the studio, and Chris sits back, watching me for a bit on the camera. "Looks like you're back home." 

"Mhm, finally." I rest my phone against my bedside lamp as I stand up and work on unzipping my dress. "Did you eat today yet?" I ask, my back turned as I peel out of my dress. I know Chris's appetite is as poor as mine. Sometimes, we just get so busy and stressed that we forget to eat altogether. Friends have had to physically pull me from my computer when I'm hyper-focused, so I'd go to the bathroom and eat something. Chris is no stranger to this method of work. He works similarly. 

"No, not yet," Chris replies hesitantly. 

"Then you should go eat with the others." I bring my arms to my bra, unclasping it. "You're not gonna eat the leftovers, be for real." 

"You're giving me a strip tease and telling me to go eat. Is this a test? 'Cause I'm failing it. Bad." 

I look over my shoulder, holding my bra to my chest now that it's undone, and I come over and pick the phone up, safely showing myself from the shoulders up. 

"Go eat," I say, firmly. “Now.” 

"Fine, Fine." He stands up, stretching his arm over his head with a sigh before he perks up again. "Alright, babygirl, I love you." 

"I love you too." 

- 

the next day...    I'm barely aware of my phone buzzing. Ignoring it, I turn my head, burying it under another pillow. A heavy, gross feeling engulfs me. How long have I been asleep? 

The relentless buzzing continues, jolting me awake. My sleep mode has shut off, and notifications flood through at an alarming rate. 

Now, my brain is too active for peaceful sleep. I sit up, blinking, rubbing the crust from my eyes, squinting in the darkness. Have I slept into the next evening? Holy shit. 

I touch my bedside lamp, dimming it to let my vision adjust. Pulling back the thick comforter and sheets, I expose my bare legs to the cool air. Why did I leave the thermostat so low? I shuffle to the door, pressing the red button to raise the temperature. With a yawn, I pick up my phone to see what's happening. 

Great. Did another song go viral? Instagram and TikTok have hit my icon notification limits. I have eighteen missed calls and 88 text messages. 

Well, at least the messages aren't hugely overwhelming. 

I open Twitter first, a bad habit. As soon as I'm in, I see myself massively tagged, far more than usual. Pulling up the tweets attached to my name, I feel like I could pass out. 

"Omg, look, she's in the VIP too." 

"So here's the tea: her name is Y/N, and she's the singer in a shitty garage band called Living to Die." 

"Bffr Living To Die is not a garage band, Don't Go is a bop." 

"She's fucking problematic as fuck?! She tried to break up Stray Kids! Now she's trying to ruin Jake Wong too?!" 

"They do anything for clout lmfao, ugly fat bitch." 

"How did she break up Stray Kids?" 

"Stray Kids isn't broken up. That's a lie made up by cupcake stays who don't like Chan. Lee Know had to go to the military." 

"It happened with BTS, and look at them now." 

"Jungkook is hella successful, fym???" 

"She's the reason why Lee Know went to his military service early." 

"Ur making shit up atp Lee Know went in with everyone else." 

"Look!!!! I knew I recognized her. Here she is outside JYPE building last yr, Channie got so much hate for it!!!! She doesn't even care, or she wouldn't keep following all these idols around!! She just wants fame for her band." 

"Desperate hoe lmfao." 

"#keepY/Nawayfromidols." 

"If she is the reason why Chan isn't posting on Instagram anymore, I'm gonna fight her ong, he's going through enough :(" 

"She should kill herself before she fucks up Jake Wong too." 

"She used to be a stay; she's just delulu. She's stalking Chan atp lol he doesnt want her or he would tell stays."    “Channie tells us everything~~” 

"shes fuckin a known sasaeng."    “Channie deserves to be happy if he’s in a relationship let him be! He’s an adult???? Be SO fr yall”    “whats a sasaeng?” 

"Make it make sense u stupid bitch Chan was literally with her at the building; why would he be there if she's a fucking sasaeng?"    “A sasaeng is a crazy idol stalker”    “She fits the bill ngl lmao” 

"Chan deserves better. I don't like Jake Wong, but he deserves better too."    “GUYS STOP SPREADING RUMORS!!!! Chan doesnt have a girlfriend!!!! Stop being TOXIC STAYS! Ur giving us all bad names, vote stray kids for VMAs 2027!!” 

"I think they were at the Billboard Music Awards together when Stray Kids performed two years ago. They could have met there." 

"What an ugly disgusting bitch. I hope she dies lol."     -

My hands are shaking so bad; I drop my phone to the floor. I can’t read anymore. I don’t even know how I’ve read this far. My skin is clammy, and I feel prickling all over. I rush to the bathroom and heave over the toilet. First, it's a little from last night's hot dog, then I'm dry heaving yellow bile from anxiety. My body breaks out in a vicious sweat. When I'm done, I drop my head back against the wall. 

And I cry.