#btw yes this is totally something I’ve done to my own siblings

[polyklok]

I just had a funny thought-

Dethklok is in a meeting, messing around, no one paying attention to the matter at hand. Charles is at the head of the table, pinching the bridge of his nose. Abigail is right behind him, annoyed at how unproductive the day has been.

Murderface and Nathan are loudly arguing, Toki is retelling a story out loud despite no one listening, Skwisgaar is strumming his guitar and Pickles is…drunk.

Abigail decides to get things under control. She gets out her phone (smartphone, for convenience), she spends a minute or two typing, turns up her volume all the way, and then-

“The Fitness Gram Pacer Test-“

William, Nathan, and Pickles all freeze. Toki stops speaking at the sudden quietness and Skwissgaar looks up from his instrument.

“Is a multi-stage aerobic capacity test that progressively-“

Nathan groans, shuddering as he buries his face in his hands.

Pickles stares ahead, looking traumatized.

Murderface starts to gag.

Even Charles mutters a simple, “Oh god, no.” At the sound.

“Gets more difficult, as it continues.”

“MAKE IT SCHTOP!” Murderface yells, throwing a pen at Abigail, to which she only snickers.

“Dood, I’m act’lly gonna vomit, turn it aff!”

Nathan grips the edge of the table like he’s about to break it.

Charles is muttering under his breath, something about running. Abigail finally pauses the audio.

“What ams their problems?” Skwissgaar asks, unaware of the nightmare that plagued public elementary school gymnasiums.

“Who ams that mans, what’s speakin’s outta her cellsphone?” Toki asks.

“Oh, no one, Toki.” Says Abigail.

Unfortunately, the meeting is never finished, as Nathan, Pickles, Murderface, and Charles all take a few hours to recover from their haunted memories.

[insertdeeplyrics]

On the ending of Supernatural

Hi, I’ve never actually posted anything on Tumblr of my own creation (I mostly reblog stuff), but I’ve just seen the ending of Supernatural, and given that this is where I’ve been fed my SPN content, it felt right to share my thoughts here. I’m sure nobody is going to read this, but whatever, I just need to get this out of my chest. Sorry in advance if this is too long, but I have to type this out if I want to move on.

I still need to take some time to process everything that’s happened, because it is a lot. I did have my hopes up for the finale, thinking that Cas would at least show up, but like many of the fans, I was let down.

So I guess that would be the first issue I had with the episode. Regardless of what Dean felt towards Cas, if he reciprocated his feelings or not (which he totally did, I mean, we have all been watching the same show for 12 fucking years, and if you don’t believe me, there are plenty of metas that would support this statement), he still is his best friend and it doesn’t sit right with me the fact that he doesn’t even try to find a way to rescue Cas from the Empty. And okay, maybe he didn’t, make Cas got resurrected by Jack, then why the hell wasn’t he on the final episode? He was a pivotal character for the series, I mean, the proof is in the ratings: Season 7, when he was killed off to apparently never return, the ratings were at their lowest. The show may have started as just Dean and Sam, but over the years it became much bigger than them, and it is so disappointing that the show runners failed to acknowledge it. But I’ll get back to this point later.

Okay, I need to talk about Dean’s death, the only part of the episode that made me cry, because my poor baby had to suffer so much! Like, when he started saying that Sam never put up with John’s crap (which reinforces my headcanon that John was abusive towards the boys) and how much he admired him for it, my heart just shattered. I just love Dean Winchester so freaking much, and they did him so dirty... Don’t get me wrong, Jensen and Jared’s acting was 10/10, like, I thought I had a grip of myself and then Sam started crying and tears came back to my eyes. Nonetheless, I felt that the scene was so freaking long! I mean, Dean was dying, and he had time to make a 10 minutes-long speech! C’mon! Also, I get that Sam and Dean’s relationship is quite deep and strong and whatever, but I felt a bit unconformable watching it: it didn’t feel like a brotherly goodbye, more like a lover’s one. They were too touchy and intimate, and, overall, their relationship from this point on was coded as a romantic one, in my opinion. And Chuck, did I hate it! I have an older brother and I know what it is like to be close to your sibling and to love him more than anything else in the world, but the way they portrayed their relationship on this last episode felt incest-y, which makes me believe that this scene was originally written with another character in mind (cough CAS cough) or the writers don’t know the difference between romantic and brotherly love. To finish off, the way they killed off Dean??? I mean, I did expect Dean to die, but this was such a horrible and ridiculous way to go... I would have accepted it if he died actually fighting, but impaled??? After all he’s been through, after fighting so many demons, angels and deities, that’s how he dies??? That just felt cheap and rushed. Dean did not deserve that ending and I refuse to accept it. In fact, I refuse to acknowledge the existence of this whole fucking mess of an episode. Also, I just can’t believe that no one showed up to Dean’s funeral. I just can’t. I get that maybe it was difficult to bring in a lot of actors due to the pandemic, but they could have added them on post-production...

Next, we have Sam’s ending. He quits hunting and finally obtains his white-picket fence life. I did like the fact that he honored all of his friends and family that he lost along the way, especially Dean. Like, yes, if my brother died, I would like to keep a token (don’t know if that’s the actual word for it, my first language is not English), to have something with me that reminded me of him and to have him with me wherever I go. And I did like that he named his son Dean, in honor of his brother. However, we don’t know how he met his wife, we don’t even know who she is. They set up Sameileen for what?? Like, Sam and Eileen deserved better, tbh. And, again, even with Covid restrictions they could have done something to signal that Sam got married to Eileen, you don’t need the actor there. In fact, we never actually found out what happened to her, and just like I can’t believe that Dean didn’t even try to save Cas from the Empty, I can’t believe that Sam didn’t reach out to Eileen. Furthermore, the montage with his son felt cheap and a way to try to appeal to the audience’s emotions... (Btw, as a side note, the grey wig and the glasses, my god, they did Jared dirty 😂😂). But it wasn’t doing it for me, I didn’t care much for the kid, and while I do believe that was always going to be Sam’s ending, I didn’t like how it was executed.

And the worst part of it all: that suuuuuper long scene with Dean driving in Heaven, waiting for Sam. They could have used that time to show something more meaningful, even to develop a bit more Sam’s new life, how he adjusted to domesticity and fatherhood and all that crap. Or, I don’t know, A TEAM FREE WILL 2.0 REUNION??? And I guess this is my biggest issue with the whole episode. I get it, Sam and Dean are the central characters, the ones that started it all, but family don’t end with blood, and they were not the only ones who deserved a goodbye. They had formed so many bonds and friendships over the years, and to not have them address them on the final episode just feels infuriating. Especially Cas. His arc was not finished, he deserved to be on the finale. We never got Dean’s reaction to his confession, we don’t know how he felt about him, nor did Cas get to say goodbye to any other character. How did he get out of the Empty? What is he doing now? Is he still an angel? Also, he gave his life to save Dean, only for Dean to be killed not long after. My headcanon that is helping me cope with Dean’s death is thinking that he was so quick to accept his death because he was hoping to reunite in Heaven with Castiel. A girl can dream, ok??? But also, what about Jack? He is the new God, but I highly doubt it that he won’t drop by the Bunker from time to time, after all, Sam and Dean (AND CAS, ESPECIALLY CAS) raised him. And Charlie? Did she get back with Stevie? Did she and the boys go for drinks from time to time? And Jody? Donna? Claire? Sorry to be so repetitive, but I just can’t understand why the writers thought that these characters weren’t important enough to deserve a spot on the finale, and not just an off-hand mention (and not even all of them got that). Of course, the brothers are the main characters and their goodbye must be the longest and the most emotional of them all, but like I said before, the show stopped being just about the Winchesters on season 3, when Bobby was first introduced, maybe even 4, with Cas.

Overall, the finale left a lot of questions unanswered, most of them regarding secondary characters (but not less important for that!), completely destroyed Sam and Dean’s character development (Dean never got to be free, like he had been fighting for all season, probably all his life; Sam’s development is non-existing, as he ended up as he would’ve if he never had gotten on that hunting trip with Dean 15 years ago), and completely disregarded all the themes they had been setting up this season, probably on previous ones as well. It is sad knowing that the writers, either don’t know the show good enough to give it a proper goodbye, or they just didn’t care to do so. I don’t know who’s to blame here (definitely not the actors, though, probably someone higher up the chain), but I just know that I am so fucking disappointed. I expected more from the last episode of a 15-season TV show, one that has been part of my life for 7 years. I guess, that despite all of it, I can’t hate Supernatural. Maybe I was not a hardcore fan like some people on this site, but I did care for the characters and what happened to them. This is the show that introduced me to the world of shipping (Destiel will always hold a special place in my heart, it doesn’t matter how badly their relationship was treated, as well as the characters) and I got to discover one of my favorite characters, Dean Winchester. He is just such so complex, one that I relate to on so many levels, and his relationship with Cas has been the source of many short stories that I’ve never posted anywhere, but that have made me take up writing again. That’s the reason why I love the show so much, it has helped me tap into my creativeness and go back to writing, a passion of mine that I seem to have forgotten over the years. Anyways, maybe one day I’ll publish some of those stories, and maybe even write my own fix-it fanfic, but right now, I can’t deal with anything that has to do with the show, I am too hurt. Maybe once the five stages of grief are over, I might give it a try and read all of the amazing codas and fanfics that I’m sure will be posted here or on AO3. But for now, Supernatural is dead and gone, and I don’t want to talk nor think about it anymore. I’m done wasting my time here, because I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing this past 7 years after watching this crap of a finale.

To finish this long rant off, I just want to say thank you to some meta-writers, the true heroes of the fandom. Thanks to them, I carried on watching the show, because they made me have hope that things will get better. They are the ones that have made this experience worth something, and even though I’ve never spoken to any of them, I see you and I love you. Thanks for everything ❤. 

@tinkdw @charlie-minion @dotthings @heliodean @verobatto-angelxhunter @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover

[aeligsido]

So I recently saw some posts about the new Batgirls title and how it’s possible that StephCass becomes canon in it. And I have some thoughts™️ about it, and StephCass in general. 

I’m going to start this by saying that yes, absolutely, I want representation. It’s super important, and I’m not mad that writers think about making it more canon (bc apparently it’s already canon in Future State, which, valid), and honestly, if there’s a wlw couple to make canon this one works very well. I’m also not here to destroy anyone's joy or anything, I just want to give my opinion about something that has been bothering me for a moment now. This ship, and the people who ship it, is very valid, and I totally understand why it’s popular and why people like it. 

That being said, this ship doesn’t spark joy for me. It’s a question of personal taste, I suppose, and there’s a few things that bother me that really have nothing to do with what I want to talk about today (not really, at least). 

It’s just that, as a Steph fan, I can’t help but feel like it’s a huge disservice to her character. She was created to be Tim’s love interest, then fridged when the writers realized she was becoming more popular than him, then brought back to life when they realized that people wanted her back. And sure, having her not being Tim’s love interest anymore and existing outside of it, choosing the person she will love herself, it’s amazing and totally something that should be done to get her further away from these origins. 

The problem for me is that Steph is still stuck having to be the love interest of one of the Batkids to exist -- both in fanon and in canon, apparently. With Tim and Cass for the most part, or sometimes Jason or even Damian -- and there’s no shame for anyone if you like these ships!! It’s totally valid, once again, and I’m not here to police what you should like or not. It just bothers me that Steph can only exist as a love interest, and no, the fact that she went from a boy to a girl is not really an improvement. Because at the end of the day, she’s still stuck as being nothing more than the girl who has to fall in love, and nothing more. 

And, again, as a Steph fan, it bothers me a whole lot. Like, for starters I can’t read a Steph-centric fic without it having TimSteph or StephCass, both ships that I don’t personally like, so it’s upsetting for me, but I also feel like it spits on the face of all the development she should go through. Steph is a strong young woman, who was raised in abuse, comes out from it, and chooses to be smiling and optimistic and to believe in a better future, even if she has to fight for it. She has her own personality and her own history, her own moral and her own belief, and it’s too often relegated to nothing so she can be the perfect girlfriend. 

Besides, Steph has proved herself a dozen times already. She shouldn’t have to be “the girlfriend” to be accepted into the Batfam. She shouldn’t have to be a love interest to be considered interesting and good enough for them. It’s forgetting, once again, everything she is, but also her other relationships. The fact that she’s Damian's big sister, and that she was the one who helped him being a kid. The fact that Dick did try to mentor her, as much as he could because back then he has his own very messy life, and then when he was Batman and she was Batgirl -- sure, he wasn’t okay for her to go out again at first, but you have to consider that his latest memories of her was probably her funerals and how yet again a kid died in his family colors, so, yeah. But he still accepted her and tried, and they could have an interesting relationship if anyone really tried to write them. She has an interesting relationship with Barbara as well, who was her mentor but who also was judgemental toward her at the beginning; with Bruce, whom relationship with her is extremely complicated, but I can’t help but feel like they would probably have been closer if Bruce hadn’t been lost in his grief and refusing to get his head out of his ass -- he did like Steph and recognize she was good, he was just too afraid to really do anything else than reject her; she has her relationship with Leslie, who sacrificed so much just for her; even in the new comics and the New52 that make me want to commit arson, Steph has a relationship with Duke, apparently friendly and/or sibling-like, and it should be explored more!!

But instead, once again, Steph is relegated to love interest. And it’s sad. It just makes me sad. She deserves so, so much more. 

AND, I’m absolutely not against Steph dating a girl. I’ve been hcing her as pansexual since I started in the DC fandom lmao. I just feel like Steph should have contact outside of the Batfam and Gotham. She should be a real part of Young Justice, or the Teen Titans. She should have friends outside of that one time with Kara (who has been used as “the super best friend” of almost every Batgirl, btw, so I don’t even feel like it’s special), have way more contacts, have way more people she could get to know and date and go out with and laugh and cry with and everything. 

Steph should be spreading her wings, but instead DC -- and, despite all, the fanon as well -- keeps her pinned to the ground. And it’s just very sad for me. 

(Steph wasn’t a Robin for nothing. You can debate a lot about why she was one, how she became one, but the point is the same -- she’s a Robin, and she’s meant to fly.)

(Tbh I also have a lot of things to say about how annoyed I am about Cass using the Orphan codename, how deaged they both are right now and how it destroys so much of their history, but that’s probably for another time lmao.)

So. Yeah. I’m not mad about DC plans -- or not -- to make StephCass canon, or whatever. I just don’t vibe with this ship, but again -- personal taste! I’m personally aware it’s only my opinion, but yeah, I just wanted to get it out. You’re all free to ship whatever you want, I’m not here to judge that!! 

And, again, as a huge Steph fan, it just makes me sad as a whole. She just deserves better than constantly being the love interest.

[alwaysupatnight]

Never said it was a reflection on you personally. Sorry that’s how it came across to you. I was only asking a different perspective. Different people have different thoughts though. But not against you. He does not know cues is true.

LMFAO I don’t see how your previous ask WASN’T an attack on my character with your “it doesn’t bother you...?”, which btw didn’t seem like the opening of a discussion but rather an accusation on your part. And nevermind that you have not once offered YOUR perspective on this? But okay. Let’s say you didn’t mean for it to come off the way it did.

And not that I make a habit of defending Richie. I think I’m pretty well known for hating on the guy in fact. 🤣 But as far as those s1 quotes (which btw were both spoken TO SETH, so let’s just make that clear right now) I believe Richie was not only mocking Seth for getting his ass thrown in jail, but this was also Richie’s weak attempt at trying to make Seth look INCOMPETENT.

Listen. The thing I’ve come to learn about Richie is that he’s a little shit first and foremost. He’s literally almost always portrayed as Seth’s bratty younger sibling. I’m sure he enjoys saying controversial things to shock people just to get a reaction. Add to that his primary motivation in all of s1 & 2 is that he is jealous as hell of Seth and constantly battling with his position as Seth’s second in command. The fact that he’s making this power play here with those inflammatory remarks (to his big brother!) is just fucking HILARIOUS to me. Yes, the comments when taken out of context are totally disgusting, but not once in the series are we ever shown that Richie condones sexual violence against women, or anyone for that matter. The only time I can think of where he’s ever threatened rape towards anyone is in ep1 when he threatened those two girls at Benny’s. But as we all know, THIS WAS NOT A NORMAL TIME FOR HIM. And most of his big fuck-ups in s1 (particularly all of his interactions involving Monica and those moments creeping on Kate) were very much due to Santanico’s influence and her projecting her own experiences onto Richie, as well as her grooming of him prior to turning him (and nevermind Kisa’s frequent conflating of sex with violence in general, but that’s another story).

As far as Richie’s brief involvement with the human/sex trafficking ring in s2, I think it’s pretty evident his actions there stem from his pride and ambition and him trying to prove to himself and others that he can function as a leader, and most importantly WITHOUT Seth. NOT because he takes pleasure in sexually assaulting women. 🙄

If you wanted to have a broader discussion about rape and violence against women in this series, you could have mentioned Malvado or Tanner or Carlos or Kisa or Scott. Or hell, even SETH (in murdering Sonja, his significant other). Most acts of sexual and domestic violence against women are perpetrated by people they know personally after all. But I bet you didn’t wanna talk about that, right? Instead you came into my asks with your accusatory tone and grilled ME for finding some harmless quotes by Richie funny while at the same time not even bothering to acknowledge the type of humor he is engaging in (which btw this show is FULL of, so like, weird hill to die on).

So do Richie’s comments bother me? No, they don’t. Because I know the context in which they were said and to whom they were spoken, and because I know it’s not in character for him to casually threaten sexual violence against anyone. I mean, there’s plenty of violent acts committed against women in this series, but almost none of it is done by Richie himself. If Richie’s dark humor bothers you though, then maybe this show just isn’t for you? But simply thinking something is funny doesn’t mean you condone it.

But I can see we’re probably not gonna agree on any of this because this whole series of asks has seemed rather like an attempt to shame me for daring to think Richie is funny, while also propping Seth up on a pedestal and painting him in this light as some golden, innocent character when we all know that is FAR from the truth. 🤷‍♀️

[coldtomyflash]

Hi! I'm the anon who asked you about advice for speech patterns with OC characters--absolutely love love loved your advice btw, it wasn't too much at all! I'm just struggling to write a character who grew up really close with their siblings and trying to not make them sound like either of them while still sounding like they grew up together. I want to be able to write dialogue without using tags sometimes and be able to know which character said what. Any more suggestions?

How many shows have you watched with close siblings recently? If any, spend some time analysing what they do in depth. And I’m asking about shows because actors can help you get a very clear feel for differences in character and tone, and should be easier to analyse from that approach than books would be.

I’ve recently watched Supernatural, with the two main characters being brothers who have spent literally almost the entirety of their lives (save for a stint to college for one of them) by each other’s side in close proximity. Nonetheless, I don’t think I’d have any issue telling who is speaking in a fic even if the dialogue had a sum total of zero (0) dialogue tags -- even (maybe especially) if the whole fic was just dialogue back and forth. I could most definitely write a fic as such, partly because I can hear their voices in my head if I were to close my eyes and try, and being able to “visualize” those voices makes it so much easier to ensure they stay distinct from one another. 

This is because the writers and actors have done a great job of giving them really similar speech conventions in some ways (as a baseline example, they both use the word “dude” in exactly the same ways) but also have their own quirks (for example, one has what’s almost a catchphrase of “so get this” and the other doesn’t really say that). Each voice is distinct, and it’s a lot less about specific word choice and more about how the way they speak relates to their character and character’s identity: hesitations, pauses, voice raises, cut-off words, interrupting the other, longer or shorter sentences, etc.

So pick out some things that you think both (all? not sure how many there are) of your sibling characters would have in common, and some things that would be unique about them. Does one use bigger/more erudite words than another? Does one swear more than the other(s)? Did one internalize the use of “so, like” from their peers where the other(s) didn’t? Does one raise their voice more than the other?

And do they all refer to things using some common terms? Do they have inside jokes and references that you can use to show how close they are? Does one tease the other more? Is one more terse than the other? 

I think you should be very clear about who these characters are inside your mind, and work to let that influence their voices as they come out on the page. Make sure that you’re writing dialogue as a fluid and living thing, rather than rigid. What does that mean? Look at these examples:

“you do not know what it means to me,” he said.

“you don’t know what it means to me,” he said quietly.

“you don’t know what it means to me” he said, voice quiet, pausing every second word with eyes downcast.

“you don’t... you don’t know what it means,” he all but whispered, so quiet that the faint “to me” was almost lost to the floor as he lowered his head.

Right, okay, I think I’ve got your attention. You’re seeing how there’s different ways of conveying hesitation, tone. Now let’s put that into a conversation without dialogue tags, and you can tell me if you think it’s obvious who’s speaking and how these individuals are different:

“you’re not going and that’s final!”

a pause, and then,

“you don’t... you don’t know what it means,” he all but whispered, so quiet that the faint “to me” was almost lost to the floor as he lowered his head.

“you - dude - what? where is this coming from? since when - ?”

“i... nevermind.”

“no, not nevermind! talk to me!”

“i shouldn’t’ve even brought it up.”

“yes you damn well should have, you - “

“would you - ...”

“would i what?”

“i... just would you ... stop... demanding. okay? i get that you’re worried, i do, but it’s...”

“[name]?”

“it’s my decision.”

(And scene)

Okay so obviously I’m in the mood to write something maudlin because idk what that even is, but I hope it managed to convey that one character is raising their voice (exclamation marks, short imperative sentences) and is worked up in a way that has him agitated (he cuts himself off it ends with “-” rathe than “...”). You know that even though he might be close with the other person, he is different than him, and is used to giving orders or taking charge.

whereas the other (let’s assume younger) brother here is hesitant, quiet, using a lot of ellipses (...) as he trails off, even after he cuts himself off you get the impression that he wants to say more but is hesitating to. the “okay?” could be interpreted as a louder “okay?” if it was said by the other, because it’s in it’s own sentence and not just modifying the previous sentence, but here (hopefully) you get the impression that it’s this character taking a second then pushing what he’s saying a bit. not “just would you stop demanding, okay?” but “stop demanding. okay?” by separating it, i’ve made it a question rather than a command. 

this younger character is also using qualifiers and adverbs (”just would you” not “would you” or even “would you just”) to soften his speech, whereas the older one is using swears to intensify his.

but neither of them are using any particular word choice here that would stand out, and they’re both comfortable with contractions, and repeating each other’s words back and forth in a way that makes it seem like they’re probably comfortable using the same language (nothing is in scare quotes when they quote/repeat things back to each other). there’s nothing here that stops them from being raised close in a way that means their speech is similar. 

So - that’s uh, my weird advice, i guess. get their voices in your head as best as you can, in a way that matches the character and their personality and their role as a sibling to the other (as well as the mood and emotions within each scene!), and do your best to write your dialogue a bit fluidly so that all those little idiosyncrasies that create tone (hesitations, pauses, full stops and new sentences, questions, exclamations, interruptions, etc) all come through naturally without requiring dialogue tags and description to make it come to life.

Final piece of advice on this: trust your reader. unless you screw up the order of who’s talking, they should be able to follow it back and forth. you can toss in a dialogue tag here and there if it gets to be an especially long exchange, or do what i like better and toss in other information about how they’re feeling or responding or what they’re seeing to help situate the reader in the correct PoV, but for the most part readers can follow a flowing conversation so long as they know who spoke first and you keep the back and forth exchange clear. 

[delusion-of-negation]

top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)

[fizzingwizard]

Frantically playing catch up because I’m gone the rest of the weekend so here’s day 6 after all! Blatantly Takari. This one surprised me by how easy it was to write so it got a bit longer than the others. I’m sure there are many typos, please overlook. Also has two quotes, one in the text and one at the end, from my long-time favorite poet, Walt Whitman. BTW, I don’t really get everything that went down with Ordinemon, but I did my best to fit canon.

One month post-Bokura no Mirai, Takeru and Hikari go on a date and Hikari encounters something unexpected, which leads to a very overdue conversation with her brother.

Warning - there’s mention of the death of sick baby. It’s not huge but it matters to the story. I don’t want to shock anyone.

---

Tri week day 6 - Journeys - Death of a Comet

"How are you?" Takeru asked, watching her carefully.

Hikari only smiled and pretended not to notice. "I thought we'd known each other long enough to skip the niceties, Takeru-kun," she quipped. It was a far cry from her old playfulness, she knew, but she also knew he wasn't going to call her out for it it just yet.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Takeru rolled his eyes with an exaggerated, put-upon sigh. "I didn't realize relationship length was proportionate to amount of shits given."

"It is, at least when the last time we talked was an hour ago over text."

"Duly noted."

"Let's go?"

He nodded. He was wearing another hat she'd never seen before, a dark blue beret that looked about to tip off the side of his head with a light breeze. She wondered if he went out and bought a new hat each time before they went out together. Like how a girl shouldn't be caught in the same outfit twice. He probably did. That was Takashi Takeru, vain as fuck. But there was also something kind of adorable about it.

They'd "officially" been dating for a couple weeks, and Hikari wasn't sure yet how she felt about it. Of course, she'd agreed to it when he asked her. What else could she do? They'd been flirting and toying with each other off and on for years, in a childish way, but she couldn't pretend she didn't know full well what she was doing. She'd even sometimes daydreamed about what dating him would be like. Mostly she imagined it would be a lot of sitting in the bleachers at his basketball games.

She didn't consider Takeru the most mature of the boys in their year, but he wasn't as bad as some. Plus, they'd been through a lot together, so she knew what he was made of. And he really liked her. And she liked him. It seemed unavoidable. She'd said yes because she had no good reason for saying no.

It still felt a bit weird when he reached to hold her hand. Two weeks in, and they had yet to kiss. For the most part, it felt like nothing much had changed between them, except that Takeru no longer tried to hide his excitement when she was near. That was... flattering. And she had no qualms with taking it slow either.

They got on the Yurikamome train and stood together by a window, watching the Odaiba waterfront speed by as they traveled over the Rainbow Bridge. The sky was blue and cloudless. It was the kind of weather Tailmon loved, but Hikari had already talked to her about why she sometimes couldn't come along when she and Takeru went on an "outing." Tailmon had blinked lazily and said that was alright, and given her claws a long, purposeful lick. ”But if he ever hurts you, don't you dare hide it from me.”

Hikari promised, but thought the reverse scenario was far more likely.

Takeru had a more difficult time explaining it to Patamon, she'd heard. Supposedly, after Takeru had given his spiel about how growing up meant needing more time to oneself, Patamon had blurted out, "Are you going to kiss Hikari!? You've got to kiss her, Takeru!" loudly enough that some boys at school had overheard, and as a result everyone knew that they were an item before they'd even been out on a single date.

Such was life with Digimon.

"You know where it is, right?" Hikari asked as they got off the train.

"Yeah, I've come here with my mom for other exhibits," Takeru said, leading her out the exit and onto a busy street. "Mom's really into modern art. We've gone to see Kusama Yayoi's sculptures on Naoshima like four times. I'm pretty sure she goes whenever she breaks up with a boyfriend."

Hikari laughed. "Wait, really?"

"Well, she never introduces them to me, but I can tell when she's seeing someone. She touches up her roots more often."

The art exhibit they were going to see was some sort of interactive light show. Hikari had seen pictures online and thought it looked beautiful. Her father was of the opinion that they only ever put the best pictures on the website, and the rest of the exhibit was probably in some big, white-walled room that smelled like someone had microwaved fish for lunch. Her mom had been more enthusiastic, and added that, if the art did turn out to be a dud, it was as good an excuse as any to sneak off somewhere quiet with her Romeo and, you know, romance him.

Hikari was definitely not going to do that.

She'd timed things with care. Taichi had morning soccer practice until ten. After that he'd come home for lunch. The exhibit opened at eleven, but her concerns about there being a line fell on deaf ears, since Takeru claimed he knew this museum and it was never crowded. (Which didn't do much to mitigate her concerns about the exhibit being any good.) So the earliest she could convince him to catch the train was ten fifteen. So if she left right at ten and headed directly to the station, she ought to be able to miss her brother coming home completely.

It felt like fate was laughing in her face when she ran into him on her way out.

Her shock was mirrored on his face as they both stood in the doorway, staring at each other as if unable to understand why their biological sibling would be there, in their childhood home.

Taichi spoke first, if speech it could be called. "Uh," he said.

"Oniichan," she stammered back, "why - how - you got home fast."

"Yeah... Yamato was having band practice and he gave me a ride on the scooter," Taichi replied.

Hikari kept her mouth shut. Had Yamato orchestrated this? Was Takeru in on it? She knew it wasn't likely in either case, but her hackles were raised. "Oh," she said.

They continued to stand in the doorway. This was, Hikari reflected, the longest conversation they'd managed to keep going in almost a month.

"You... going somewhere?" Taichi asked after a while, tilting his head and looking up and down.

"Museum. With Takeru-kun."

"Oh. Well, have fun."

"Thanks."

As if suddenly realizing he was blocking the exit, Taichi stepped to the side, and Hikari barely restrained herself from running down the hall. The damage was done, though. The minute the elevator door closed, the tears started leaking down her face. Dammit. She'd been so careful.

She'd had to stop off at a nearby convenience store to hide in the restroom. She splashed her face and dabbed her eyes with her hand towel until they were less red, until the evidence of the havoc wreaked just by seeing her brother was hidden under a fresh layer of make-up. She never even wore make-up much before - after all, she was fourteen and blessed with good skin. Dating Takeru had been a convenient excuse to explain to her mom why she suddenly needed extra allowance for concealer, despite having no acne.

She wound up ten minutes late meeting Takeru and still, he could tell right away that something was wrong. She'd managed to deflect, but...

Hikari had never been any good at lying, even to herself. But she was surprised by her own cruelty, dating Takeru because she needed the distraction, an excuse to be anywhere but home. His feelings for her were genuine. She was a monster.

"Hikari-chan?" Takeru gave her a nudge that jolted her into the present. There was, indeed, no line to get in at the art show, and Takeru was trying to hand her a ticket. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

She nodded resolutely. "Yeah, of course."

"It's just, you're being kind of quiet."

"Well, sorry but I'm not a professional entertainer."

He didn't reply to that barb. Hikari felt even more miserable. If only Yamato's stupid motor scooter had broken down on the road...

They handed in their tickets and went through a pair of double doors, into a wide room lit by myriad streamers of blue and purple lights wafting on the air like strange, hypnotic jellyfish. No pictures were allowed, so Hikari kept her camera stowed, but she couldn't bring herself to regret it. Any pictures she tried to take while in such a stormy mood were bound to end up in the trash bin anyway.

They followed the path laid out through fiber-optic tallgrass in silence. Takeru was still gripping her hand, even though her own hung like a dead fish. The next section was a blacklight room with an even more obvious sci-fi vibe, bright cables painted brilliant colors in the impression of sea snakes creating circuitous archs on the walls and ceiling. The heat-sensor flooring lit under their feet as they walked.

Takeru leaned towards her, the blacklight setting his white T-shirt aglow. "This is like some disco-era alien planet," he joked, offering her the olive branch.

Well, she owed it to him not to let this date be a total disaster. "The room before reminded me of the tree in Avatar," she said.

"I bet the next one's gonna be something from Fifth Element."

"No way."

"Could be."

"Completely different aesthetic."

"It's gonna be that giant McDonald's sign made of stained glass. Wait and see."

It wasn't, of course. Takeru continued to insist they'd see the sign in the next room, and the next, until they reached the end of the exhibit, where he finally admitted defeat. At least room four had clearly been lifted from Finding Nemo, he said.

The final room was, in fact, an open space with white walls, but Hikari didn't notice any stomach-turning smells. A combination of 2- and 3D works of art were mounted around the room, and they took their time browsing, continuing to try to outwit each other with their increasingly outlandish, and even somewhat insulting, art critiques. It was a lovely show, Hikari thought. If she'd come to see it in a better frame of mind, she would be raving just now. But though she'd recovered her ability to match Takeru quip for quip, she still felt heavy with gloom. Geez, why did he want to date a rain cloud like her?

"Want to go for lunch?" Takeru asked as they took in the last piece of art, an abstract mosaic made of vibrant, blinking lights laid into a glass frame on a large tabletop. Hikari circled it slowly, watching lights ripple across the frame, stitching the full picture together bit by bit.

"Sure."

"There's a cafe my mom and I go to nearby. It does amazing pancakes."

"Sounds good," she said vaguely, her brow creasing in thought. She took a step back, gazing at the table from what she'd discovered was meant to be the foot, where you could see the picture in full if you craned your neck just so.

It wasn't abstract art. It was Ordinemon.

Her whole body stiffened.

"The orange marmalade pancakes are my favorite - you listening?" With a confused look, Takeru glanced from her unchanging expression to the table. His eyes went wide. "... Let's leave, Hikari-chan."

He gave her arm a tug. She didn't budge.

"Hikari-chan, there's no need to stay here. Come on."

"Why," she said. It came out in a harsh whisper, like a frozen wind. "Why would someone make art of... that."

Takeru didn't answer for a minute. "Because... they saw it," he said after a while. His grip on her arm tightened, as if expecting her to try to break away. "So they want to express what they saw."

"It's an abomination," she choked out. Humiliating tears welled up in her eyes.

Takeru seemed to hesitate. Then he stepped back, and his arms circled round her shoulders, locking her in a tight hug from behind. The warmth of his body flowed into her ice cold one, solid, real. Her mind flashed to another day, with a roiling sky black as night, when she'd come to in an unfamiliar bed with Takeru at her side and known, with a rush of deadly certainty, that she'd destroyed everything she ever cared about.

Her brother. Her beloved partner. Her friends.

By her own will.

She didn't know what she'd done. Or how. That almost made it worse, the not knowing. Her heart broke, watching her brother disappear in the earthquake. That was all. Her heart broke and she... stopped. And when she started again -

It was too late.

Tailmon had told her she didn't regret the fusion with Meicrackmon, that she'd been able to hold poor Meicoomon together, just a little longer. There was nothing for Hikari to regret, she said. Powers beyond her control. Yggrasil and Homeostasis felt they could wage their little war and pick their champions, and dispose of them when they felt like it. No sooner had she shaken off Homeostasis's hold over her that Ordinemon happened.

Hikari hated that once upon a time, she'd believed Homeostasis was a benevolent presence. That she'd willingly let her into her mind.

Now she didn't know what to believe.

Rage flared, hot as ice. Her whole world, none of it made sense anymore. She was adrift, she was unmoored, there was no safe harbor, not even in the brother who she loved like no one else. He could make a choice like that, to kill Meicoomon, to kill their friend's irreplaceable partner. The one person who deserved the most to be saved. And she'd helped, because that was what you did, on a team, at least, if you couldn't come up with a better plan yourself.

She realized she was shaking. Takeru only held her tighter, his nose buried in the crook of her neck.

"Hikari-chan," he said, and he sounded - terrified. "What if - what if it's not, though. What if it's not an abomination. What if..."

"How can you say that," she hissed frostily.

"I mean - I'm not saying it was good. I'm not saying I don't wish none of this had happened. But - I think - Ordinemon, she was created from despair, yours and Meicoomon's. She was used, and it tortured her. We freed her from that. She would have destroyed everything, even though it's not what she wanted, and she was in so much pain -"

"Stop!" Hikari yelled, pushing away from him. There was enough strength behind her need to get away and he was not expecting it, so he toppled to the floor while she raced out the exit. She kept running, hardly aware of dodging people on the sidewalk, and ran until she found herself in a small park with nothing but a two-seater swing set and metal slide. She sank into one of the swings and dropped her head in her arms. And cried.

Cried for Meiko, for Meicoomon. Cried for the future they would never have.

Cried for her brother, who had changed, and she understood why, but she still missed the way he used to be. Her guiding star.

Cried for herself, a lost comet streaking through an unfamiliar galaxy, wondering if she would vaporize shooting too close to an alien sun, or if she'd putter out slowly until she was nothing but lifeless, crumbling stone.

Her phone buzzed in her purse - Takeru, surely, trying to find her. On top of everything else, she'd ditched the boy she was stringing along, who cared about her, and who had tried so hard to let her know she wasn't alone. She didn't deserve Takeru. She would break up with him - she had to. He should be with someone stronger than her, who wasn't going to fall apart at the seams just from a silly piece of art at a museum gallery.

After a while the sobs let up enough that she could see without tears clouding her vision, and she figured she should at least let him know she was okay. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her messages.

12:35: Takaishi Takeru: i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to upset you.

12:35: Takaishi Takeru: where did you go? someone said you ran past the 7-11 but I have no idea where you went from there

12:37: Takaishi Takeru: please tell me where you are. If you don't want me to come, I won't. I can call someone if you want.

12:38: Takaishi Takeru: I just want to know you're okay

12:40: Takaishi Takeru: hikari-chan PLEASE respond

12:45: Takaishi Takeru: I asked at the 7-11 but they said they didn't see you. am walking around aimlessly now. no idea where to look.

12:48: Takaishi Takeru: hikari-chan if you don't reply soon I'm gonna have to call Taichi-san

12:52: Takaishi Takeru: wound up back at the train station, if you want to meet me here.

12:55: Takaishi Takeru: if you don't respond in five minutes I'm calling Taichi-san, I mean it.

12:58: Takaishi Takeru: I love you, by the way. think I always have. thought you might want to know

Fresh tears pricked her eyes. Leave it to Takeru. How could he pick now to spring that on her?

She should be happy. She wanted to be happy.

13:02: Me: I'm okay. I'm sorry. Go home. I'll talk to you soon.

Her finger hovered uncertainly over the keypad. She typed:

The real abomination is me.

Then she deleted it, and pressed Send.

---

Little though she wanted to go home, Hikari didn't have an excuse for staying out past dinner. She stayed in the little park until it started to get chilly. A couple times, the occasional grandma stopped to ask if she was alright, but she smiled and waved away their concerns. Finally, when twilight fell over the park in a gossamer curtain, she stood and stretched out the kinks in her back before heading back to the station. It felt like she'd been out much longer than a few hours. She thought briefly of asking a friend if she could spend the night, but didn't like the idea of needing to pretend to be peppy and cheerful.

On the ride back, she did a search on the artist who'd made the Ordinemon mosaic. Why, she had no idea. Some self-hating side that wanted her to hurt, she guessed.

The artist's name was Matsuyama Risa, a Tokyo-based sculptor, whose partnership with Fujii Fiber-optics had given birth to the displays they'd seen today. Hikari let her eyes skim the article, categorically uninterested in the number of lights used or how they were installed. What she wanted to know appeared like magic, tacked on at the very end of the article.

Art of Nippon Now: The last room in the showcase features a magical light-up mosaic of a subject that could be disconcerting for some viewers. What led you to recreate the monster that much of Tokyo watched terrorize the sky last month?

Matsuyama: I put that piece together in a feverish rush. Most of these installations took weeks to install, but I insisted on this one, even though it was such short notice. I had to have it. I heard that many people never saw more of her than her massive wings, but I happened to have a very clear view at the time. It made a huge impression on me.

ANN: You said her?

Matsuyama: It was a she. Or, perhaps it's better to say she might not have a gender,  but she deserves better than the pronouns we use for inanimate objects, things without personality.

ANN: Are you saying this monster was a person?

Matsuyama: I don't know if you heard her cries, but they were deafening. They reminded me of how my son wailed in the night when he was first born. We didn't know why he was so colicky. Nothing we did calmed him. I was so afraid that he wasn't getting enough sleep. It turned out he was very sick and we just didn't know. The illness was hidden. We spent many nights in the ICU, holding out hope that he would be alright. I remember thinking, if he wasn't, it would destroy our marriage.

ANN: That sounds like a terrible experience.

Matsuyama: When our son died, it was terrible, but it also came as a relief. At least we knew he was no longer suffering. I was depressed for months. I couldn't make any art. Every day I expected my husband to leave me. The first day I pulled myself together enough to sketch something, he said I should sketch our son sometime.

ANN: So your husband didn't leave?

Matsuyama: No. He stayed by my side. When I cried that he deserved a woman who could make him happy, who would give him healthy babies, he told me I was the strongest woman he knew, and that I'd given him the best son in the world.

ANN: Wow - would that we all meet men like that.

Matsuyama: And women. That's why, although the creature that appeared over Tokyo was very frightening to look at, when I heard her cries all I heard was suffering. I thought, that is a real creature, who wants her pain to be understood. She represents something. Perhaps she was sent to show us the harm we do when we choose not to act to help others. She shouldn't be forgotten.

ANN: So you memorialized her in this mosaic?

Matsuyama: Yes. It was the right moment, even though I had no time. I wanted to recreate her likeness using lights. I set her into a table, because I felt that putting her on a wall would be too imposing, and viewers would only remember the fear she engendered. Lying down, it would seem as if she were in a coffin, finally laid to rest. But she's lit from within, and it's the light of life, desperately clinging on till the final moment, the same as any being with a soul.

ANN: Did you ever complete the sketch of your late son?

Matsuyama: No. I never did. But I think I will soon. I want to lay him to rest in my heart.

ANN: It's interesting that when you say 'lay to rest,' you seem to mean we should remember them.

Matsuyama: Our memories make us who we are. The past is always with us. My son, that creature, they are both part of my journey, as an artist of course, but also as a person in the world. You could say my son is the light of the world and that creature is the darkness, but I hold both light and dark in me, just by existing and being human.

ANN: You added a quote to the piece that said something of that nature.

Matsuyama: Yes, from a Walt Whitman poem, 'Song of Myself.' The quote reads: "I am not the poet of goodness only, I do not decline to be the poet of wickedness also."

ANN: Maybe Whitman never expected his poem to be used in this way.

Matsuyama: That's the nature of art. It is a journey in and of itself. It fluctuates and changes to nourish the times. I hope everyone who sees my art understands that they are on a journey as well, and everything they do creates the work of art called "the future."

ANN: Thank you for your time, Matsuyama-sensei.

---

Her brother was home, but her parents were not. The arrangement of shoes in the entryway said as much. Taichi was seated at the kitchen counter, eating a bowl of noodles and reading something. He looked up when the door opened and pushed his seat back.

"Hikari - you okay?" He peered at her, concerned. "Takeru didn't do something stupid, did he?"

So Takeru hadn't told her brother that she'd run off. Gratitude flooded through her. "No, of course not."

"Good." Taichi's hand rifled through his hair, the other planted on his hip, and he looked perplexed. "Then why do you look like you've been crying all day?"

Hikari walked inside and sank down on the couch. "Because I have been crying all day."

She could feel his hesitance as he wavered in the hall, trying to decide if he should press her for more. If that was still something he was allowed to do. She knew he would try. He wouldn't be Taichi if he didn't.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked, moving to sit on the arm of the couch, but he didn't relax, as if expecting her to tell him to leave her alone.

"No," she replied.

He nodded. "Okay." There was a pause. "You're sure Takeru didn't -"

"No, Oniichan."

"Okay, okay."

She sat there for a few minutes, staring blankly at the black TV screen. Soon Taichi slid off the arm into the seat beside her, allowing several inches of space between them. He didn't try to talk anymore. Didn't even get up to bring his bowl of noodles over, even though it was going to get cold.

Hikari tilted her head ever so slightly to peer at him. Dark circles ringed his eyes. She knew he hadn't been sleeping well. Something about his face looked more defined, less roundness to his jaw, starker cheekbones. Hadn't been eating much either, she guessed. It gave him an oddly grown up look. She would have to call him on losing weight from not taking care of himself, but that could wait for later. She was struck by how little he looked like their father. Everyone always said Hikari was the spitting image of her mom, so it seemed natural that Taichi should take after their dad, but though she searched she couldn't find many similarities. Taichi was just Taichi.

He gave a start when she leaned toward him and settled her head on his shoulder, but didn't say anything.

Hikari thought about many things.

How unbearable it was to feel helpless. How much she wanted everyone who cared about each other to be together, and for no one to suffer who didn't deserve it.  How deeply she loved her friends. How easy it was fall apart.

Maybe all that meant was her worldview had been too delicate to begin with. A painting on a porcelain vase wouldn't stand the test of time unless handled with the best of care. The real world was too chaotic, too disordered. She could wrap her dream in newspaper, cover it in packing peanuts, tape it into a box marked "Fragile," and it would still end up in shards. She would try to put it together again, but the pieces were sharp, and she kept cutting herself on them.

She still wanted it. So, so much.

"You stay that way. You can hate me if you want," her brother had told her. Trying to put everything on his own shoulders, as usual.

"I will probably never forgive you," she'd said, and wouldn't let him. "But that's why I'll fight with you."

"Oniichan," She slipped off his shoulder, buried her face in his chest. She didn't know how she could still have more tears, but they darkened her brother's shirt as her hands hugged him tight. "I'll always fight with you."

Surprised, he didn't move for a moment, but then his arms wrapped around her the same way they always had, ever since she was small. His grip was sure, but not out of naivety. Yes, he'd lost his innocence. It wasn't coming back. But what grew in his place, she realized, was his choice. And she got the feeling he'd already decided.

"That's good to know," he murmured softly, lashes brushing her cheek, and she thought they might be wet as well. "Because I'm never going to stop fighting for you."

They held each other for a long time.

---

The next day, Hikari showed up at Takeru's door with flowers and a box of chocolates. He made a funny face, looking her over.

"Flowers and chocolates? Shouldn't this be reversed?"

"Didn't know you were such a traditionalist," she joked. "But I'll eat these myself if they hurt your manly pride."

A hesitant grin spread over his face. "To hell with convention. Those are my chocolates, keep your paws off them."

It was silly, and cliche, but this was her life. She could be as silly and cliche as she wanted. She pulled his shoulders down and kissed him. It was light and quick, but he still looked flustered when they parted.

"My mom's home," he said with an unmistakable note of regret.

Hikari only nodded. "Figured. Video games and chocolates?"

The grin unfurled for real. "Yeah, that would be great."

Nothing had ended. She hadn't gotten over anything. But she felt, for the first time, that now she could accept it. It was a piece of who she was, and it would be a piece of who she became. But just who that person would be, she intended to decide for herself. Even if her path got buried under mountains of broken shards of glass, that was just a part of being Yagami Hikari.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes)."

[laufire]

Supernatural s2

I’m halfway through s3 already (technically a rewatch, but there were episodes I didn’t watch the first time around), so this post is a little overdue lol. At this rhythim the posts will overlap. Plus I’m hoping I can finish s4-5 during the holidays to see the ~intended ending~ before I have to slow down on the binge-watch. After that, a season a month sounds achievable AND won’t take longer than 2021 xD

ANYWAY.

-Overall, I’ve enjoyed it more than the first one, but at the same time I’ve found myself missing how... claustrophobic? Insular? Compact? That one was. s2 was about the world opening up just a little bit more, introducing new characters to the brothers’ life, etc. I do love the detail that this is something that can only have, narratively speaking, once John is dead. Again: this show gets abusive families, consciously or not.

-The foreshadowing is beautifully done. 15 seasons make for a lot of unintentional and ironic foreshadowing later on, I’m sure, but the purposeful foreshadowing is superb this season. About the crossroads deals, of course, but especially about John’s last words. I already knew he’d told Dean he might have to kill Sam (father of the year, seriously. Though I side-eye the fandom even more for always having acted as if this is only awful for Dean lol), so I was hyperaware of every single detail. My favourite moment was the absolute horror of hearing Gordon proudly, cheerfully relate how he murdered his sister when she became a vampire (which, btw, as someone that’s still bitter about what went down with the Gunn siblings on Angel, I found it healing to see something like that treated as a horror story).

-Speaking of Gordon: I unashamedly love his character lmfao. Sterling K. Brown is mesmerizing, always. At the same time, I have serious mixed feelings (especially after seeing his arc in full in s3) because man, if it isn’t a racist mess. I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s not exactly revolutionary that the first time we see the story from the monster’s POV (something I want the show to do! Often!), it’s when white monsters are stalked and brutalized by our first black hunter. Especifically a white woman, btw (although I’m happy to see Tara Maclay as a brunette vampire. I didn’t know I needed that in my life, but I did). And you can tell that the show thinks it’s just so SMART and FUNNY to have a ~racist black hunter!! I mean, the comment about how psychic kids would be “betraying their race” if they allied with demons?? FFS.

And ofc there’s the fact that he’s condemned for the exact same type of stuff that makes Dean be hailed as a hero lmfao. Though I won’t like, I love the moment where, faced with the comparison, Dean’s response is “I might be like you, I might not. But you’re the one tied up.” I love those kinds of character moments. As of s2 I officially have a love-hate relationship with Dean Winchester, I hate it here xDD

But still, on his own, Gordon is an amazing character (it’s one of the most frustrating things about the show, the greatness tainted by the bigotry :))). Charismatic, terrifying, and ofc superbly acted. Also, I love that the fact that he praised John (as opposed to every other hunter having a rockier relationship with him) is clearly supposed to be a red flag LMFAO.

-I enjoy how the seasons delves more deeply into Sam’s ~~dark origins, since it was my fave thing about him way back when. I’m already mourning the (as I suspect) lost of his powers, ngl. There’s a little more attention in how he tends to over-identify with supernatural creatures struggling with their ~dark sides too (bitch me too, the fuck xD), which I LOVE to see (among other reasons because at least in that way we get a little of their POV in the forefront lol). One of my favourites in that sense was the episode centered around the ghost-who-didn’t-know-she-was-ghost, played by Tricia Helfer. I clocked early one what was going on, but it was still very enjoyable, especially with Sam’s empathy with her (contrasted by Dean being a total bitch about it, btw. I can’t believe I still see post about how Dean is all heart/kindness/compassion/whatever the fuck. Dean is all about selective empathy and only when it conveniences him, pls).

I was more divided on the episode with Madison the werewolf, tbh. OTOH it put Sam in a better position, for a change xD. As the one willing to make The Hard Choices by fulfilling his promise to kill her because she was dangerous, even when Dean offered to ~take the burden from him. OTOH I hate that kind of thing lol. YOU GUYS KNOW A HUNTER PRO LIKE BOBBY, I BET HE COULD’VE FIGURED OUT SOMETHING TO CONTAIN HER A FEW NIGHTS A MONTH. Also, my immediate reaction was to compare this to when my man Angel had a crush on a werelady and helped her every month lmfao. But then, very few characters can withstand a comparison with Angel, in any sense :P

I also liked Sam’s subplot with his fellow demon-psychic kids, though I wish it’d lasted longer :/ (also: RME at the queer girl dying almost immediately AND her power being killing people, her girlfriend first of all, with her touch. The black guy was the last one to die at least...?). My fave was Ava, by far. I loved her since her reaction to helping Sam stealing a psychiatrist’s records was yelling “I’M AWESOME!!”. It made it easy to buy that someone that appeared so mundane, with her easy life and her fiance and whatnot, would become so power hungry and go off the rails, IMO.

BTW: RME at Dean being all “oh Sam is going too dark/becoming to cold” when Sam kills Jake. Jake ripped off his spine and killed him first!! It both amuses me and infuriates me all the times Dean tries to push Sam to be more like himself and then freaks out whenever Sam is not all sunshine and rainbows (while still remaining, IMO, far less cold than Dean himself. Besides, it’s not easy to be colder than Dean, lol).

Lastly, a little character detail I loved was when Sam was jealous about Dean being in the federal database but not himself lmfao. 

-I loved the new foreshadowing crumb with Sam finding out Mary knew the demon, too (information he’ll withhold from Dean, which I approve of LOL). I mean, I know exactly what’s up, I’ve watched most of s4 xD (also, what is UP with this family and making deals with demons. Everyone but Sam so far!! And then HE gets dragged for ~getting too close to one smh. Maybe lead by example!! Also also: yes, it was meant to be ambiguous, but I can’t help but notice the only kiss-pact -or further, depending to how close YED was to Lilith’s levels, since to make a deal with her you have to fuck xD- we didn’t see was the one that must’ve happened between John and YED. Cowards!! xD). Still. I’m so curious about her. Her resurrection is one of the main reasons I’m determined to make it to the later seasons, ngl.

-Another thing I LOVED about this season is how they used sibling relationships to parallel/foreshadow stuff about the brothers, the way s1 did often with fathers. I’ve already mentioned Gordon and his sister, but the others are not less brutal imo: Andy having to kill his evil twin, who wanted him all for himself (... Dean is that you xD); the little girl’s ghost who wanted her grand-niece to commit suicide to stay with her, and didn’t give in until her old sister agreed to die in her place. It was chilling. Also, at one point the parallel was between the brothers and a married couple (the ghost-who-didn’t-know-she-was-a-ghost) and asñdlfkajsf. I’m guessing they had fun with the shippers lol.

Speaking of the brothers’ relationship, this season also goes a little further in escalating the violence between them, when Dean punches Sam in the face and he refuses to respond (“you can hit me all you want, it won’t change anything”. Fuck), or when Dean again punches Sam after Sam was possessed by Meg ¬¬

-Going back to my love-hate relationship with Dean, lmfao. My biggest beef remains how much validation his POV gets from the narrative, granted or not; he’s one of the most irritating cases of protagonist-centered morality and I know it’s only going to get worse smh. At least this season it feels a little more balanced than in s1, with episodes like the one where the civilian Sam had tried to keep away dies halfway through the ep because Dean allowed him to get involved, for example. Still, it grates on me xD. The continuing prison rape jokes/demonic possession rape jokes (with Meg and Sam), his general grossness with women and his lack of sympathy for non-humans even when they’re not trying to hurt anyone don’t exactly help. Also, I often see him praised for some of his political views, a lot of which I agree with (his mistrust of cops, saying convicts don’t deserve to die no matter what they do), but when contrasted with his general attitude across the show it’s really grating ngl.

But then he has such AMAZING character details thrown in, that make me appreciate him as a POV character nonetheless, as much as I often want to curb stomp the guy xD. I loved his speech about how there’s no such thing as a dignified death. I love how he refused to come near his mother’s grave, both at the beginning and at the end of the episode (this show is like, the cure to DCCW’s shows false fuzzy sentimentality istg). I love his pop-culture references, like when Sam mentions Dean always thought OJ was the murderer or Dean jokes about freeing Katie Holmes from Scientology’s cult xD (sometimes it really hits you how old this show is lol). I enjoyed his Wishverse episode, and his lines after Sam dies/he sells his soul to save him (“I had one job”, “my life can mean something”) hit HARD.

But most of all? I LOVE how and why he starts losing respect for John. It’s so fucking cold and abrupt and makes so much sense!! Like, yes, part of it is John’s message about killing Sam (... again, father of the year!), but most of all it’s about John making a pact with a demon and dying TO SAVE DEAN (and probably, simply that he died at all. That shit de-mystifies anyone). IT’S SO FUCKING GREAT TO WATCH. “He spent his life chasing that demon. He was supposed to die fighting, not making a deal with the damn thing. That was supposed to be his legacy, not this." Damn, Dean xDD. The *contempt* with which he said that killed me.

I also love his inherently atheist vision of the world (even if yes, it’s extremely funny knowing this show has canon God and angels and shit -no Jesus Christ though, which I find endlessly funny-, or that they actually meet the archangel Gabriel in disguise xD. Either way, the episode with the fake angel and its foreshadowing was hilarious), his anti-destiny stance, and that it’s him and not John who gets to kill YED.

-I liked Ellen and Jo. Not LOVED, but I liked them. I keep fearing that secondary (especially female) characters will feel empty/shallow but the show keeps proving me wrong, even with one-episode wonders, and at first I wasn’t sure about them, but I was sold quickly. Partially because of the actresses, they both had this... humanizing, endearing quality? It worked really well.  I also loved the explicit contrast between John and Ellen’s parenting styles, with Ellen wanting Jo to return to school and be safe from the hunt, and Jo wanting something different. Also, I wouldn’t ship it if you paid me, but LOL at anyone who actually buys Dean sees Jo as a ~little sister just because MEG said that rme.

This show is just REALLY good when it comes to giving depth to a character with only a couple of brush strokes, which makes it all the more frustrating when they abruptly die or disappear to never be seen again/only once more (to abruptly die!) :)))

I was less sold on Ash; he was amusing, but having a Genius Hacker TM helping them out seemed like the beginning of increasingly giving the brothers ways of deux ex machina-ing them out of problems, when one of my favourite things about the show is seeing them creatively find ways out themselves. I like when they’re competent! Like with the multitude of codes they have to improvise plans, like in the episode where with two words through a lawyer they implemented a quick scheme so that Sam would escape from a police precinct. I like that stuff.

-I’m still so bitterly jealous about the dead man’s blood hurting vampires detail. SO BITTERLY JEALOUS. I love a lot of what this show does with its lore but that little bit is the worst offender. I want it so bad xD

[threeletterslife]

chana, what are some of your pet peeves while reading a story? like things such as bad grammar. btw i love your works!!

god i love this question so much. and thank you for reading! 🥺🥺🥺i really appreciate the love!

i’m seriously going to sound like a grumpy ol’ bitch saying this but i have a LOT of pet peeves lol. i have such specific, meticulous taste that it’s hard for me to find stories (internet fics and irl books alike) that pertain to my weirdass standards 😀

quick disclaimer! just because i don’t like some of these popular/infamous/adored tropes doesn’t mean they’re not bad at all! remember, i’m just rEALLy picky! here goes:

fake dating. (i hate it. i can’t stand it when a story’s main idea is fake dating. i just can’t seem to understand why anyone would want to fake date. the scenarios always seem so bs-ed or middle school-esque to me. but someone is always welcome to prove me wrong.)

bad grammar. (this one speaks for itself. i can’t stand bad grammar. this doesn’t mean i’ll jump on you if you make oNE little mistake <because, i mean, we’re all human, you know>. but if the grammar mistakes are consistent... and far too many... i will be pissed 😀😀😀) honorary mention common mistakes: every day vs everyday; your vs you’re; .” vs ”. ; affect vs effect; anymore vs any more; their vs they’re vs there; lay vs lie; except vs accept; then vs than; -- vs —

bland/generic y/n. (i love writing in 2nd pov. but just because this ‘y/n’ character doesn’t technically have a name... doesn’t mean... she isn’t allowed to have a personality. a bland or mary sue-type y/n with zero dimension can single-handedly deter me from reading the rest of the story. remember, y/n deserves a personality too 😭😭)

starting the story with “I woke up in my bed after hearing my eomma call my name from downstairs.” (this is just a very specific pet peeve of mine that triggers my fight or flight. i’m blaming this on wattpad.)

using honorifics and romanized korean. (this is going to be very controversial. but... i think it kinda has to be said. i do not want to read an english story that is very obviously not set in korea and have to go through words like “eomma” “oppa” “jagi” “saranghae” “hyung” “jimin-ah” “taehyung-ie” “unnie” “noona” and sometimes a whole SENTENCE in romanized korean. as someone who is korean, i find it—for the lack of a better word—cringy. because of some of the stories i’ve seen, i can’t even speak my own language sometimes without cringing. you could NEVER catch me calling my older cousins “oppa” anymore even though i’m supposed to out of literal respect and culture. and it’s thanks to the fact that some (thankfully, a minority of) fanfiction authors romanticize/sexualize it. don’t even get me started on my younger cousins/siblings calling me “noona.” i wanna d-word every time i hear it because it’s been so sexualized in the ff community that i just don’t feel comfortable with them calling me that for platonic/respectful reasons. but i digress. if i can tell the author has done research and it is written well and correctly and in a non-sexualized manner, then i don’t have a problem with it. still wouldn’t read though 😭😭)

idol au’s. (also controversial. but this is mainly my fault LMAO. once upon a time, long ago, little chana first stumbled upon bangtan and decided she wanted to venture into the fanfiction world for them. her first fanfiction was a jungkook idol au. and now she will probably never write another idol au again because she is scarred. but seriously. idol au’s make me want to cry inside because 1. they’re unrealistic 2. the writers usually do little to no research on korea/the music industry 3. personal (humiliating) history 😔which again, is totally on me. i feel like this pet peeve of mine is unjustifiable tho lmao. a lot of people adore idol au’s. but i just can’t get into them)

adding photos in the middle of the story. (this just boils my blood for no reason i’m sorry 😭😭to me, it seems unprofessional. BOOKS may have illustrations. but only if the illustrations are showing a SCENE that the writing describes. not necessarily an outfit. usually, when internet authors put photos in their stories, it’s to show the ootd/makeup/hairstyle/what y/n is supposed to look like. i’m personally not into that. i think that should all be up to the reader’s imagination! that’s why we read, isn’t it? to be able to create our own faces and scene layouts from scratch!)

social media au’s. (VERY controversial. and kinda ironic since i’ve actually made a whole ass text fic. but lemme tell you it was not fun and i will never do it again 😭i don’t know. i’m not very big on social media lol. and a possible romance developing from such unauthentic apps like instagram, twitter, snapchat doesn’t sit right with me. i’m more into traditional/authentic romance! the kind where you sit down face to face and talk and giggle for hours—without the presence of devices)

a bad ending. (man this one’s a very personal pet peeve of mine. imagine slaving away reading a 100k+ fic just to find out the ending is abrupt, the strings are left untied and your favorite character just... dies. for no reason at all. i hate that feeling of no closure. a bad ending doesn’t necessarily mean a SAD one. i prefer sad/angsty endings to a happily ever after. but i think the ending makes up the whole story. and to have a good ending, the ending must somehow still connect to the rest of the story.)

character inconsistencies. (i love character development as much as the dude next door but just because a character does a 180 out of nowhere doesn’t mean they actually developed at all. real people take time to change!!)

when there are author’s notes IN THE MIDDLE of the story. (believe it or not, i’ve seen this happen. it interrupts the flow of the plot and it looks unprofessional. and the fact that i used to do this when i first started writing ff’s bYE—)

when the romance escalates from 0 to 100. (i’m guilty of this. but it’s also a pet peeve of mine to read something like this LOL. but i get it. writing subtle developments in romance is hard 😭😭but it doesn’t excuse itself from being one of my major pet peeves 😀😀)

when mental illness, domestic abuse, trauma is romanticized. (this is a given, i think. don’t romanticize someone else’s struggles for your fictional pleasure, please!!)

telling instead of showing. (probably one of the biggest pet peeves of mine. too often, i see writers outright telling me that their oc is ‘independent’ and ‘strong’ or that oc and jimin’s romance is ‘unparalleled.’ but if i don’t feel that from the writing itself, i’m not going to be able to believe it. but if you show me that oc is independent and that oc and jimin are meant to be with little scenarios and anecdotes, that’s gonna be a lot more effective!)

when’s there’s no chemistry between the couple. (this is probably everyone’s pet peeve LMAO)

the “oh no! there’s only one bed!” trope. (i never understood this because. damn just take the couch or sleep on the floor. OR just sleep in the same bed with a pillow barrier. it’s literally not a big deal 😭unless 👀 idk this one 100% depends on execution)

and i saved the worst for last:

when you read 50+ chapters for an ‘ongoing’ fic but when you get to the ‘end’... you realize it’s been discontinued since 2017 😀😀😀(the pain is fucking real y’all)

um.... that was a lot 😭😭i’m sorry. i actually thought i’d be a lot pickier, but i guess i’m actually really lenient on types of tropes and au’s. i’m okay with basically 99.9% of all tropes (yes, including vampire, abo, love triangle, etc) because i believe all tropes depend solely on EXECUTION. so generally, i keep an open mind. (with the exception of fake dating, idol au’s, social media au’s and the tHeRe’S oNlY oNe bEd trope lmaoo) 

basically, i’m quick to give things a chance but quick to leave too 😔😔

i swear i have more penchants than pet peeves 😭😭but that’s a story for another time!!

[electrozeistyking]

ZIMVOID KING ARC - Headcanons and Facts for the AU

So! I spent a few days working on headcanons and facts about my Invader Zim AU, the Zimvoid King ARC (or ZKA for short). All written along side of installment three, "Dark Claws of a King", and now here on the net to burn your eyeballs, here's the master post on the ZKA facts and ideas I've recently spawned for the AU. Enjoy!

if you manage to read this all, you’re a certified creature

   ~   ZIB RELATED    ~ Facts that mainly surround the cockroach (and i'm pretty sure the majority of this post mentions this guy).

-Zib has fobidden himself to go on any adventures involving Zim. He's decided that it's not his place to try to stop a version of the Irken that is not his own. Plus, he's a merger. (This is all just nonsense he tells himself. The real reason is that he doesn't want to get involved with that shit all over again. PTSD and stuff, yanno?)

-Zib has a real problem with keeping his hands from doing things. He's actually gotten a Rubrix Cube to keep his hands occupied, and he keeps the cube in one of his pockets at all times in case he needs it. It's probably due to a deep, insatiable urge he has to build, build, build; creating his mech, modifying Voot Cruisers and such... once he'd had nothing else to make, he'd been left with an itch in his hands.

-Zib can also be seen tinkering with some forgotten technology Professor Membrane has laying around. The professor has actually only caught Zib doing this once; the roach had almost finished with an invention Membrane was only preparing to start working on.

-Zib's senses are all heightened and improved. His eyesight has never been more perfect, his hearing (despite his obvious lack of ears) has never been clearer, and though he regrets having it, he does happen to have a perfect sense of smell. So he knows if something stinks, it fucking reeks. Ugh. Awful, dude.

-Sometimes Dib will be like "Oh, lookit us, we're a couple of Dibs, ain't that cool" and then Zib does something very Zim-like and he goes "Fuck, I totally forgot he does that".

   ~   PAK!ZIM RELATED   ~ Facts that mainly surround PAK!Zim.

-Zib and PAK!Zim occasionally do something I like to call "syncing", where the two act and think as one entity, one mind instead of two. When synced, these two can be caught using terms like "us" and "we". Neither of them knows how this works, but I like to think it's like fusing in Steven Universe, minus the dancing and stuff; any distruptions to their sync (like if one of them really doesn't like something), they become two minds opposed to one again.

I like to think this is syncing in a nutshell:

   ZIB: We'd love to!    DIB: We?    ZIB: aw shit    P!ZIM: nice going genius

Zib finds syncing to be very relaxing. PAK!Zim likes how powerful syncing feels, even if he won't provide a comment on it.

-These two may have overcome their differences (well, were forced to), but Zib and PAK!Zim are still a Zim and Dib duo. From time to time, their little playful fighting turns into a real spat, and in the Zimvoid, it always hurt Zib whenever PAK!Zim tried to pull the silent treatment on the bug boy.

-PAK!Zim still occasionally threatens Zib that he may dig one of his PAK legs into the roach child's shoulders again. He feels too weirdly guilty about doing it the first time (as mentioned in the first installment of ZKA, "King of a Barren World"), so he'll never actually do it... but Zib doesn't know that.

-PAK!Zim calls Zib "stinkbug", since I thought that was more fitting, as people do call him a roach (this is especially true for me). He's a little cockroach.

-PAK!Zim can only talk in Zib's head. Zib once wondered if PAK!Zim's voice is real, or if it's false. He quickly remembered that inner voices you typically have in your head cannot change volume. PAK!Zim can yell, and it gives Zib headaches and nosebleeds every time he does. PAK!Zim often tries not to yell when the duo are around other people; both are worried if people would think the PAK is ruining his head, and they don't want to know what could happen.

-PAK!Zim has terrible eyesight. And by that, I mean he can't see. The only time he can see anything is when he and Zib are synced. Neither of them really mind it, but they always try to avoid syncing when Zib's showering. Despite how comfortable they are with each other when synced, that is the only discomfort both of them have. They just... I dunno, I'm kinda getting uncomfortable about it myself.

-Zib finds himself to be weirdly possessive over PAK!Zim. Maybe it's because that he sees the sentient robotic backpack to be an anchor for him when shit's getting tough. Having had four years to get over their differences, Zib has actually befriended the PAK and doesn't know what he would have done without someone to talk to all that time.

-To branch off that last one, I have the firm belief that because of Zib's weird attachment to the PAK fused to the back of his head, Zib would probably cease to function if PAK!Zim is ever removed. Ever since PAK!Zim officially woke up, Zib has developed this seemingly comfortable, permanent sense of knowing that someone is there for him, will always be there and they're not going to leave him alone because guess what? PAK!Zim has no choice but to go wherever Zib goes. He occasionally forgets that, though.

The idea of having the PAK (his PAK) removed terrifies him; you'd be tearing that feeling of never truly being lonely away from him. Removing the PAK would remove his buddy, his pal, his Zim. He'd be lost, confused, alone, and he'd have no idea what to do. It's just him by himself all over again, no one else. Plus, who knows what else could happen to Zib? What if it turned out he relied on the PAK to survive, and removing it could potientially kill him? Neither PAK!Zim or Zib are willing to see what could happen.

TL;DR: Take away the PAK, and Zib gets crippling depression and he might die.

-Though he can't see, PAK!Zim can hear pretty damn well (even if he barely listens half the time).

-No one else knows that PAK!Zim is alive. Dib wants the PAK removed because he thinks that if they remove it, Zib's thoughts will stop being so... "corrupted". In his own mind's eye, Dib thinks that if they remove the PAK, it'll be helping Zib, but what he doesn't realize it would absolutely DESTROY Zib's mentality.

   ~   FAMILY RELATED   ~ Facts that involve the Membrane family as a whole.

-The fact that his other son has claws perplexes Professor Membrane to no end. He pretty much tried to see if he could study Zib's weird claws once he found out about them. So far, what he's found out from his studies is that Zib's claws are really fucking sharp and they really hurt (mentioned in installment three of ZKA, "Dark Claws of a King").

-More facts on the stinkbug because yes, Zib has another huge problem: it turns out rants from his "brother" Dib helps Zib conk right the fuck out. It unfortunately works every time.

-Zib, Dib and Gaz just... they kinda see themselves as siblings, even though Zib and Dib are just alternate versions of one another. After a while, they kinda got over it and now it's just:

"This is my brother! I have a brother! We're brothers! We're practically twins! See this? This guy right here? Him? That's <my> brother. I love my brother, and I'll kick your fucking ass into the goddamn dirt if you insult him in front of me." (this is all just from zib btw.)

   ~   GOOFY   ~ Facts that are INTENDED to be goofy.

-For whatever reason, I enjoy the idea of Zib having a weird addiction to eating sticks of butter. Yes, his new family decides to have an intervention about Zib's addiction, but it totally fuckin' flops, so they end up having to try to hide the butter and cut him off from it instead. (they gave up trying when it all disappeared from its hiding spot later that very same day.)

   ~   IDK FACTS   ~ Facts that I've no clue where they should go.

-On Keef in ZKA: the little red head has actually mellowed out now that he's a teen. He still adores his friends, but he's calmer, not as clingy, and is an excellent listener, so he'll let Zib ramble, but will occasionally interrupt to ask questions. He's like Zib's mini therapist.

-I like the idea of Keef being bisexual.

   ~   AUTHOR TRIVIA   ~ Trivia from the author that you totally won't need but may find interesting anyway! why was i speaking in third person—

-"King of a Barren World" was posted on the fifteenth of May, but Archive kinda fucked up and it says I published it on the sixteenth.

-You'll see me call Professor Membrane "the professor", but only because I totally forgot he's a scientist. Not sure how, because his schtick is REAL SCIENCE, but—

-This AU was made by accident. And by that, I thought up a scenario, wrote about it, thought up another scenario and wrote about that one too, and then found out people actually liked this nonsense I was writing, so it's an AU now and forever -or at least until I die-.

-The Zimvoid King ARC is not a real arc. I just thought the name sounded cool.

-Before anyone asks "what does ARC stand for", it doesn't stand for anything. I just capslocked the word arc because I just thought that looked cool.

-I accidentally made a Discord server for ZKA.

-Speakin' of accidents, I may have accidentally started shipping Keef and Zib. Oops?

-I really like calling Zib a stinkbug. As user MelodyoftheVoid once put it: Half man, half bug, all stink.

-I have strictly forbidden myself from making Zib's hair-scythes antennae. I love headcanons on them being antennae, sure... but I decided that I'd have no idea how to write them in ZKA, so I was like "Nah, dog".

-Of all my IZ AUs, ZKA is the one I haven't dropped yet. Maybe because it's only four days old at this point, but still. omigosh zka is a baby au :0

[inmyarmswrappedin]

DRUCK reactions - s4 ep3

Featuring: the clip that made me infinitely more interested in the season.

Oops, I forgot to link to the Nadia clip twitter thread. It’s there now!

(Thanks again to @wodrueckts! 💛)

CLIP 1: What is this, a tent for ants?

LISTEN. Tua is already the smallest in the girl squad, and that tent doesn’t even look like she can lay fully stretched out inside.

I was so disturbed by this that I looked up 1-person tents, and they don’t look that small! They are longer and thinner.

Amira’s mom comes outside and she’s also disturbed, but not by Amira using a toddler-sized tent, but Amira going camping at all. She’s like, we’re going to have a conversation about traveling while hijabi, but Amira isn’t in the mood.

And her mood is further spoiled because Sam texts her hoping that she can hook her up with Mohammed.

Amira’s mom brings her some pepper spray, and holy shit! Is that legal in Germany? (Answer: yes, it is, but it’s sold as “animal repellent.”)

I’ve traveled on my own before but I’ve always stayed in B&Bs, hostels or hotels. Ngl I wouldn’t even couchsurf at a stranger’s without some kind of protective device, like a portable door lock. I would never carry a weapon because you never know if you’re going to use it properly in the heat of the moment, but something like a personal alarm for runners would work in a camping setting. Take care of yourself if you’re traveling on your own!

CLIP 2: Lemonade pining

Jonas is going on about supporting sea rescue efforts of African migrants in the Mediterranean Sea, a big topic last year because of the Salvini administration (in Italy) approving a law to fine migrant rescue ships. Salvini has been ousted since, and sea rescue has disappeared from the news what with 2020 being a dumpster fire and all.

Essam, high on power, demands that his slave Amira makes him some lemonade, but I already described my issues with this storyline last week. After threatening Amira with the ever classic sibling-on-sibling physical violence, Amira relents.

Mohammed comes in as Amira is sulkily preparing some lemonade for Essam, and he makes a flirty comment about Amira’s ice cold stare again.

The sweet thing about Mohammed is that he fully admits that he finds Amira intimidating, like he totally recognizes that Amira can be unapproachable when she wants to (even though Amira M. is also one of the friendliest Sanas), but like… For one thing he doesn’t neg her about it. He’s playful about Amira being scary, but he’s not trying to bring her down. And for another, Mohammed tries to find ways in which he fits into Amira’s life or can help her in some way.

This will keep coming up with them, but it happens here when he thinks of a way to prank Essam and, as a result, cheer Amira up.

Peep at the interaction between Amira and Mohammed when they come out with the lemonade. They don’t exchange a word, but they’re such a team.

CLIP 3: Beware bicyclists

Amira, apparently still on a high since the lemonade prank, is strolling down the street singing to herself, as I believe most of us have done at some point.

Jonas asks for Amira’s help with his solidarity party, further characterizing Amira as the one they all go to for help.

Sam also texts Amira. She’s found Mohammed’s insta, which makes Amira’s face fall for a moment… Even though Mohammed keeps seeking Amira out, it feels like Sam might be able to hook up with him through sheer force of will? Or maybe Amira is kinda hoping Sam’s crush goes away, but it ain’t.

There’s something really Formal about that family photo that makes it lowkey funny, like I can imagine that pic being one Mohammed’s family sends to their relatives (caption about family and all), instead of one would post on instagram. Somehow, you can feel Mohammed’s latent dad energy just waiting to be discovered.

Even though this wasn’t the way Amira wanted to come across that pic, Mohammed just looks so damn fine that she can’t help but zoom in on his face, a Druck classic at this point.

And she’s so focused on the thirst that she almost gets run over by an islamophobic bicyclist, who thoroughly spoils her day.

This is such a Northern Europe thing btw. I think each one of my friends who has lived in the bike using part of Europe for any period of time has a story about a bicyclist yelling profanities at them. It’s like they’re saving the planet with their lack of gas use so they have to be extra dickish to compensate for their do gooding.

Amira also looks around as this happens, maybe to see if someone else witnessed what happened (for support?).

Anyway, Amira is so angry that she double texts Sam (or possibly just texts? I checked a couple times and it isn’t clear that she sent Sam the text where she translates the caption about family) to be careful with Mohammed as Arabs will fuck you over. She does a double take to herself, like she’s checking with herself that this was appropriate, and seems to decide it is.

I really dislike the context here. When this happened on Skam, it was part of a larger conversation between Sana and Noora where it was clear that Sana was repeating stereotypes in order to discourage Noora’s interest. And even in that conversation, what Sana said is that Muslim guys will sleep with white Norwegians because they put out, but in the end they marry Muslim girls. So rather than saying, he’s gonna fuck you over, Sana explains how. What Amira tells Sam is so lacking in context, so random as a response to Sam asking what the caption says, and like… You kinda have to have watched the Skam scene in order for Amira not to come across like a total dick here.

It also makes no sense because Sana knew that Noora had been hurt in the past by guys using her for sex and then discarding her, but a no strings attached hook up is exactly what Sam is after. So like… How would Mohammed wanting just sex and nothing else fuck Sam over anyway?

CLIP 4: Sam is interested in getting fucked (over)

Amira and Sam are doing boxing intervals, and Sam is a bit taken aback by how intense Amira is at something Sam is presumably doing just for fun.

Now imagine they’d actually written a scene around that difference between both girls, instead of a brief subtextual moment for us to read into.

Mohammed comes in during a pause, which Amira is using to get a bit more practice in whereas Sam is showing off to Kiki (sensing a theme they could’ve explored, here).

It looks like he’s going to go say hi to Amira, but Sam gets there first and starts flirting with him, hair twirling and all. Amira looks upset and goes back to boxing.

CLIP 5: Nadia! [crowd cheers]

At this point when the season was dropping, I was, to be completely honest, a little bored. Like the clips were cute and all, but I wasn’t excited. (Of course, you have to keep in mind that this was in comparison to my excitement levels during Matteo’s season, where so much as a glimpse of David made my synapses light up.)

I loved this clip and immediately posted a full on analysis on twitter (which you can read here if you’re interested, but I’ll be rehashing most of it in this post), and it still holds up in rewatch even though they didn’t mine the Nadia/Amira dynamic for all it was worth.

So we open on Nadia and Amira and they’re already looking tense as shit. It doesn’t help that Amira’s mom seems, like, almost relieved that Nadia hasn’t totally cut ties with Amira lmao. And she’s like, “omg you must have so much to talk about!” even though we just saw them looking quiet and uncomfortable.

Amira is all, “never thought you’d be the first one to marry,” and to Nadia’s credit, she takes this comment, which could read as shady, as a friendly observation. She talks a bit about how Ahmed is not like the other dicks, but Amira isn’t convinced, and now she’s definitely shading Nadia.

She also gets on Nadia’s case about going to Dubai for their honeymoon, but Nadia doesn’t defend herself and just looks sheepish.

Kiki comes in with some vegan cupcakes that she made to thank Amira for her help last episode, and you can see how Amira is much more at ease with Kiki. Tbf they did see each other last week, whereas we know Nadia has been out of the picture for a while. Anyway Kiki seems to feel the tension in the air, so she tries to excuse herself.

At this point, Nadia finds her voice to ask Kiki to stay. Is it because she thinks that with Kiki around conversation will flow more freely? Or maybe because she’s hoping that Amira’s irritation will be redirected to this Alman?

After Kiki admires the vegan spread Amira’s mom prepared, we find out that Nadia’s intention is the latter. She all but tells Kiki that Amira told her Kiki was a racist piece of shit. So this is how Nadia gains the upper hand after Amira’s earlier comments.

Amira looks alarmed, but Kiki is like pfff yeah, I was so into Alexander Humberbumber that I might have been the worst s1 Vilde until Amber made her appearance, but now I’m getting dicked down by a good man and I see Amira for the Muslim goddess she is (I’m paraphrasing but not that much!).

Amira looks really touched by Kiki not just 1. Not picking up Nadia’s intention, but also 2. Swiftly clearing the air and complimenting Amira in the process.

Kiki figures out that Nadia is the friend who’s getting married and declares her love for weddings of all kinds but especially Bollywood-style ones. Nadia looks really amused at this and looks at Amira like, “get a load of this girl!” Amira looks a bit embarrassed.

Sidenote to say Druck started building up to Kiki’s love of weddings last episode when she was paging through a wedding magazine spread. Like, they really put in more work into this Kiki/wedding storyline than most storylines last week.

And when Kiki asks if Nadia’s marriage was arranged, Nadia makes fun of Kiki to Amira. Like I would love to say that Nadia isn’t being mean to Kiki, but she is, and the point is to bring Amira down a notch. Now Amira really does look embarrassed, because in some way she’s supposed to be responsible for Kiki not saying something islamophobic. Kiki isn’t Amira’s responsibility, and I’m sure Nadia would agree in other circumstances, but… That’s what Amira gets for calling Nadia out for the Dubai honeymoon!

But as the conversation goes on, it also kind of seems like Nadia takes a liking to Kiki? (I’m mostly assuming because Nadia later invites Kiki to that pre-wedding event.) They talk a little bit about Nadia and Ahmed, and Kiki’s like, “I want to go to a Muslim wedding so fucking bad, Amira, please!”  It’s like… At the moment Amira is the only single female friend Kiki has, but Kiki’s just like, can’t you just get married now though.

Amira’s like NO WEDDINGS, Australia first. And tension falls around the table again, because of course, Nadia didn’t know about this, but Kiki knew about it, so like… It’s just another way in which Amira has become a different person as far as Nadia is concerned.

Let us now talk about Kiki. Like I said, I really loved this clip. In general I love Skams clips where the dynamic feels so lived in and nuanced and multifaceted. This is the first time we see Nadia in the flesh, but we get so much information just from looks and tone of voice. Nadia’s actress and Tua El-Fawwal just rock this scene.

When it aired I took Kiki’s words at face value. Like, this was the way the writers had decided to resolve Kiki being a racist in earlier seasons, and I accepted it. It wasn’t until later that I read criticism of the scene and thought about it a bit more.

In Skam, Isak apologizes to Eva in three separate scenes. In s1, episode 10, she says to Eva, “I fucked up,” “[if I had known Iben was a psycho] then of course I wouldn’t have done it.” In episode 11, “I know it might be hard to believe, but I never wanted to hurt you. It just turned out that way. I’m sorry.” And in s3, “I just want to say sorry for that stuff last year. When I was ruining things for you and Jonas.” Like. You can say that Isak only said sorry because he got caught (though I personally believe he was genuine every time, if not entirely truthful), but the point is that Julie Andem thought it necessary, in order for Isak to remain a likable character, that he apologized three times.

The girl squad never apologized to Sana, they just showed up with the Los Losers van one day.

And while Druck also thought it was necessary for Matteo to be full of self-loathing over what he did to Hanna, they didn’t think Kiki needed to apologize on screen.

One of my least favorite Skams characters is Basile Savary, because he was a total creep to the point that, during s3, Skam France had to release a damage control text out of Lucas L’s POV because people were worried that he might have done something to Daphné while she was drunk. Basile was a creep who respected no boundaries (including dry humping Daphné against her will on social media, which played off as a joke!) until one day he wasn’t and became the perfect boyfriend. No arc where he learned to be a doper person, Skam France said, no we are not going to examine how nerds get away with being gross creeps.

And as much as I would like to say otherwise, Druck did the same with Kiki. Kiki was one of the most overtly racist Vildes in s1, was still making offensive comments about Amira’s and Sam’s hair in s2, and then… Season 4 rolls around and Kiki just says, “oh yeah I was a dick before but now I know Amira is a great Muslim.” Like… At least it didn’t happen from one day to the next, but no, there wasn’t an arc where Kiki is taken to task for her racism, nor a scene where Kiki apologizes to Amira.  

This is an issue specifically because Amira’s season hinges on the Kiki/Amira friendship, like they pretty much got rid of most other conflicts or didn’t explore them fully, choosing instead to focus on this dynamic.

And I don’t think it was because Lea and Tua are such good friends irl (which they are! Lea even attended Tua’s engagement party! I love them!), because like, Tua is also good friends with Carl (Stefan) and we never got an Amira/Stefan scene, did we? I think it was simply that this season was too packed with people of color, and either funk or the writers needed a white character to anchor the season.

I still love Kiki and Amira obviously, I ship them (in fanon) and I love their scenes, because I love Lea and Tua and their friendship, and their characters. All I wanted from s4 of Skam was Vilde supporting Sana in the way Sana had supported Vilde for three seasons, and Druck gave me that. But here’s one thing where the writers dropped the ball, and it’s a massive mistake because the emotional core of the season is this friendship.

This also made me think about how the change of writers resulted in character arcs being dropped left and right. Now that two writing collectives are about to pick up Druck’s next gen, I think there’s an idea that the change in writers in the first four seasons wasn’t noticeable, but honestly… It kind of was. I would argue that a lot of the things that were set up in s1 and s2 got dropped and didn’t go anywhere. To wit:

Hanna’s arc in s1 is trashed in s4. Jonas is set up with a redemption arc in s2 that isn’t explored past that season. The Winterberg of s2 has nothing to do with the s4 ship. Kiki is still being racist in s2 and a shining example of allyship in s4. The little depth that Sam had in s1 and s2 gets dropped. Amira’s delivery job… Enough said. The one character whose character arc through the seasons was done justice I would argue is Matteo. He gets a shift in characterization after s1 to make the storyline with David make more sense (more on this if I ever write Matteo’s season meta), and retains that characterization to the end. Of the minor characters, Carlos and Abdi also come out well. David gets introduced in s3 when Q3 took over the writing, so he wasn’t affected.

Anyway, this clip totally revitalized the season.

CLIP 6: Amira praying, that’s it, that’s the clip

Mohammed is at the door waiting for Amira, and when Amira asks him if Sam is already there, he says he’s not here because of Sam. And I’m like, does he mean that literally? Like Amira could’ve assumed Sam invited him to this party, but Mohammed did meet the squads last episode. Maybe he asked Jonas if Amira was coming or got himself invited some other way.

Amira’s like sure, and gets inside. And Mohammed looks at her in such a way that even I need to fan myself a little tbh.

Hanna compliments David’s design, and Matteo’s like yeah, David is great, but I’d rather shit on Stefan. Idk, I feel like the Matteo in my mind would want to hype David up a little more before moving onto shitting on Stefan, but it’s a small quibble.

Amira goes to help Sam in the kitchen, and they both have some trouble making German food. I can’t tell if it’s because they’re generally bad at cooking or this is a commentary on white people’s palates. Or Abdi’s palate since he’s still going on about hollandaise sauce.

Oh, Sam explains that she told Mohammed about the party and he got on board. So he is there because of Sam, kinda.

They also talk about Mohammed having the coolest insta (pro: Mohammed has at least one topless pic, con: Mohammed has a pic wearing flip flops with socks), and how Abdi doesn’t compare because he doesn’t have an insta (yet). I mean… Damn, Sam. You can’t argue with logic like that.

But Sam calls Amira out on being weird lately. Again, I really wish this conversation didn’t rely so much on subtext, so it could be properly developed. Also, a new version of Snow’s Informer is playing in the background during this conversation and I can’t help but love the mood whiplash of it all.

Then something confusing happens when Jonas introduces the music act and says they come from Lebanon and traveled to Germany by train and then the lead singer says they’re from Berlin. They’re called Feedback and I tried googling them to find out what that’s all about, but with that name I didn’t get any results about them.

At least this is the kind of band that would play at an event like this, like they seem good enough to do a performance, but not big enough that there’s no believable way Jonas could book them.

Amira and Mohammed have a ~Moment~ when the audio switches to the version of Sand performed by Lary, and the sexual tension is so overwhelming for Amira that she immediately leaves to get some praying done, in the privacy of the venue’s backroom.

This scene is so iconic and beautiful. That shot of Amira being lit from above, looking up with her hands held before her? Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, etc. The kind of sequence that needs both a Muslim performer and behind the scenes respect for said Muslim performer.

Amira overhears some argument as she’s folding the carpet she was using, and then she sees that Mohammed was blocking the door, so that she could pray in peace. Can we get a #notallmen here? Thanks. Again, Mohammed just finds little ways in which he can help and support Amira without being intrusive.

Mohammed compliments Amira’s friends for trying to help refugees (although sea rescue is more about migrants in general, rather than refugees). I think something that is lost in translation is that German is obviously not Mohammed’s first language, so I think this scene is more significant and subtext-laden for German speakers.

Amira is probably still smarting from her earlier run in with the racist biker, so she (who’s always said she wants to be Chancellor) says that Jonas will probably become Chancellor one day. Mohammed says no! Amira should be Chancellor, but Amira doesn’t think anyone wants that. 🙁 But Mohammed says he does, and he says “we” need someone who fights for “us” (which Amira probably interprets as “us Muslims,” but Mohammed might mean more like, “us refugees”).

Also, Mohammed thinks that Amira was trying to matchmake him with Sam, which we know it was more like the opposite, but it’s very in line for Mohammed to think Amira was trying to get rid of him.

Then Mohammed asks Amira for her phone and is all, “don’t you trust me?” and Amira’s like, “no,” which is hilarious. After a while, Amira wants her phone back and Mohammed notices Amira accidentally cut herself with the knife earlier. He puts a cute bandaid on it, and they have yet another Moment. They’re so into each other that Amira goes, “omg I love this song! Let’s go in!” But Mohammed is now sure his feelings are requited.

Social media

Kiki slept at the new apartment even though it’s falling apart, a sign that that she can’t stand being at her mom’s house. Later, Zoe texts her and Kiki says she’ll be available whenever Zoe needs her, but she also just… doesn’t want to live at her mom’s.

Matteo and David (but really just Lukas) attended the Berlin CSD (Pride) march.

Mia posts a pic of a cortado coffee, and I totally believe this was taken in Madrid. 👌

Carlos missed the Abiball because he failed his History resit, then he missed Jonas’ birthday because he was sick, and this week he’s visiting Brandenburg with Kiki, and what I’m getting from all this is that maybe Carlos’ actor had other commitments during this time lol.

Amira and Mohammed both post pics acknowledging their Moment under the lights/with the bandaid, showing Amira is getting more emotionally committed to this relationship.

Final thoughts

While I did have some issues with this episode, it was much more solid overall than episode 2. Nadia’s actress really delivered in her intro clip and I wish they’d explored that dynamic a bit more, but the character kind of takes a backseat after this. Although I don’t feel like Amira and Mohammed have a motif or object that they keep revisiting (like Jonas and Hanna with Hanna’s nose, or Mia and Alex with Hotel Hardenberg, or David and Matteo with the sandwiches*), I like their dynamic where Mohammed is supportive of Amira’s endeavors, which this episode solidifies. I also really love the significance of Amira getting to complete her prayer thanks to Mohammed. In Skam, Sana gets constantly interrupted until later in the season, where she gets to pray for all her friends.

[* I thought about this a bit more, and I think one motif Mohammed and Amira share is music, and singing to each other.]

I discussed this episode with Michi, and we came to the conclusion that the root conflict between Amira and Nadia is that Amira feels like that, to be with a man, is to compromise yourself and your principles. Nadia didn’t use to be the person who’d be the first to marry, or who’d go on a honeymoon to Dubai, and Amira sees that chance as Nadia losing sight of her ideals. But, in the last clip, Mohammed’s actions allow Amira to be who she fully is, and to finish her prayer. So the idea is planted, that Amira wouldn’t necessarily have to compromise her principles if she got into a relationship. Of course, Mohammed is probably one of the people who’d most compromise Amira’s ideals if she were to date him, but we’re not at that point yet.  

[multsicorn]

Is Wei Wuxian your fave? Please do the meme with answers about Wei Wuxian. Thank you

[HELLO you sent me this like? weeks ago? I am answering it now!]

haha YES he IS!  (Which is very convenient, that, when one’s favorite character is also the protagonist - it means that my priorities and the show’s tend to be pretty well in alignment.)

(and why are you asking me when you’re not even in this fandom!  but I

[this is really RIDICULOUSLY long, btw.]

How I feel about this character

I love him so much OMG… I was just thinking, yesterday or maybe this morning, that it’s early to tell, y’know, but he might join my ~FAVORITES OF ALL TIME.~

He is just!  Set up so well, (~it’s cheating,~ no, that was gonna be a post), he loses so fucking much (parents, foster family/home, newly created found family/home, beloved sister, #it’s complicated wrt beloved brother, um, magical ability (#it’s complicated), hm, DIES), and he also - gets? does? etc. so fucking much.  He’s good at way too many things tbh, at fighting and playing the flute (it’s also a form of fighting, it’s a magical flute), at charming people and inventing ~NEW MAGICS~ and… pissing people off? that’s a skill lol?  He takes up farming/gardening, cause he rescued a bunch of prisoners of war who need something to eat, (and he misses food from home); he takes up raising a very small boy (he says! miss me with saying he’s not!) as his own, because someone needed to, because he was one of those same prisoners of war.

He NEVER FUCKING STOPS, no matter what anyone thinks, no matter the cost.  He’ll take a curse mark on himself or go into a dangerous trance or (any number of other things that happen in the plot) for someone he doesn’t know, or doesn’t like… just because he thinks he can, is a lot of it, and isn’t that fascinating.  And because he can, he couldn’t not.

What I meant, though, re: ~the man is non-stop!~, is: he does it with a smile, a laugh, a joke.  A bowl of wine and a delighted stroll through the woods, looking around at the leaves, or a stop at a stall selling snacks or cute ornaments.  He’s always working, always thinking, always playing - and! these are the same thing! for him!  Even though his play definitely can get more physical than anything else, there’s always still this alertness looking around for an unexpected trick.  And the work he chooses to do, not the fighting, but invention and the studying to back it up, traveling and helping people with their monster/ghost/spirit problems… that’s play, for him, it’s fun.  There’s always something new and interesting to see or find or learn or make.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

LAN WANGJI aka his canonical soulmate/boyfriend/husband/cultivation partner, the one who knows him!, my heart.  Howwww… can I explain their connection?  They love each other, of course, and probably more importantly, they get each other… they trust each other, they work so well together, they make each other so happy.  That’s one of the things that I love, that although they’re both people who are highly liked and/or admired generally in their society on a superficial level, that they’re both fucking weird people?  Wei Wuxian is charming and Lan Wangji is impeccably virtuous (and they’re both very talented), but when you get to know them, Wei Wuxian never fucking shuts the fuck up and Lan Wangji will barely say one single word… they’re both a lot to handle, in a number of different ways!  But they.  Just like each other, a lot.

And the trust between these two.  Slays me.  Wei Wuxian lets Lan Wangji hold a sword to his throat, cause he knows Lan Wangji will know if he’s ~gone too far.~  Lan Wangji defies his clan, his family, the whole cultivation world, for Wei Wuxian, because he knows, that Wei Wuxian is and was right.  They pursue justice, goodness, together… they find it in each other.

People try to set up an opposition between ‘marry your best friend’ and ‘star crossed lovers’ high-drama types of scenarios?  But these epic losers (she says with love) are both… there’s no reason why not, after all.  And I love ‘em SO MUCH.

JIANG CHENG, who is is his foster brother.  Usually I’m not one for incest?  It only tends to be something I ship when a sibling bond between characters is broken, or twisted, … or fails to really exist in the case of Luke/Leia type scenarios.  (I have never watched a Star War, but I did read Splinter of the Mind’s Eye, okay.)  The relationship between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng (and their sister, Jiang Yanli), very very much does exist, but… Jiang Cheng stabbed his sword into the rock of the cliff that Wei Wuxian was hanging off of, and yelled at him to go to hell.  And Wei Wuxian finished yeeting himself off the cliff, and D I E D.

(it’s totally a romantic setup!  what!?)

Anyway, they both really really love each other, they need to reconcile ASAP PLZ, and pairs of characters who both really really love each other but also have deeply conflicted and fucked up and sometimes even murdery intentions towards each other are extremely my jam.  I want to smush them together!  Mostly involving conversations, and extremely fraught invitations to visit, and small significant gestures.  But also sometimes involving sex, because… why not.

SOMETIMES JIANG YANLI, though only in concert with Jiang Cheng as an OT3, because if Jiang Yanli’s still alive… you can’t have two of the three siblings together ~like that~ without a third.  (So I guess this is the first exception that I’ve found so far to my usual pattern!  Of only shipping incest when it’s already all fucked up.  Jiang Cheng’s got enough fucked-up-ness for the all of them?).  Anyway, I would like to thank the scene where Jiang Yanli shows Wei Wuxian her wedding dress for including the line from Jiang Cheng ‘you don’t think she’d marry you!?’ (to which I always say, it’s okay, Jiang Cheng, no one is leaving you out! how very dare you).

Together the two of them (Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian) are sweet and mutually supportive, and simply the delight of fucking even further with societal expectation and rumor is not going to get me shipping that.  But as a threesome!  Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian struggle with issues of insecurity, of jealousy, vis-a-vis family, and poor Yanli - she’s always trying to be enough for both of them, for everyone, and it must be very hard, … she reconciles the two of them, it’s a pattern, and they’re more united in thinking she deserves the world than they are in anything else.  It can be fun to play with.

WEN NING!!  Wei Wuxian walked away from his family and set his face against the cultivation world for Wen Ning, and Wen Qing, and their followers.  He says he would’ve done it for anyone, but in fact he does it - the prison break, the dive all the way down into dark magic - for Wen Ning.  He brings Wen Ning back to life.  Which is a huge gift, but not necessarily one that Wen Ning would’ve accepted?  But.  He doesn’t get to be asked, he was dead.

And Wen Ning, in turn, is just ridiculously incredibly loyal to Wei Wuxian.  It’s part of how Wei Wuxian brought him back to life, but - he’s the knife in Wei Wuxian’s hand.  (That’s almost literally what his sister, Wen Qing, says).  That sort of intimacy, being a human weapon, turning over your own volition, (not voluntarily! but Wen Ning’s okay with the fact that it’s a thing that happens!), to someone else, is… man, it’s a lot.

And there’s also the things Wen Ning does control: after Wei Wuxian comes back from the dead, (so they’re undead buddies! ;) in different ways), he follows Wei Wuxian everywhere he goes.  Which causes some problems!  One cannot have a zombie everywhere, with one, at all times.  Even if he does save your life when you don’t expect needing it.  … so, anyway, they both do these huge amounts of things for each other.  They won’t give up on each other.  They keep trying to take care of each other - Wei Wuxian gives Wen Ning his sword to wield.  They never ever meant to depend on each other like this, but that’s what happened when they wouldn’t let go - and now they don’t need to, by the end of the story.  But that story is A LOT, and I want them closer, and also to fuck with the controlling-the-undead angle ;).

XUE YANG!  This is a never-ending list, lol.  Anyway, if Jiang Cheng was the answer of ‘ship my two favorite characters,’ this is very much the answer of ‘ship the two characters that are hottest to me.’  ;).  Anyway, I should point out that I don’t ship-ship them.  Xue Yang’s a mass-murdering sociopath.  And even if you can catch him in the plot before he goes all mass-murdery… Wei Wuxian would never love Xue Yang.  (Never-minding the distinction between ‘love’ and ‘in love with,’ he definitely loves all the above.)  But would Wei Wuxian fuck Xue Yang?  Maybe!  If you can set it up right.

(my current attempt stalled out with Xue Yang threatening to murder a small child in Wei Wuxian’s care, so… there’s no fucking in that case.)

Anyway.  They’re very similar in some ways.  They’re fearless, they really really hate boredom, they love to fuck around… just for fun.  They’re both curious!  When Xue Yang meets Wei Wuxian, for the first time, he asks him about the charm Wei Wuxian had invented that he’s fighting him with.  While they’re fighting.  (Which really strikes me as a very Wei Wuxian move.)  Pity about the being evil thing, lol.  But Xue Yang is a demonic cultivator who’s following on the magical paths that Wei Wuxian laid out… so a sorta teacher/disciple thing could be interesting.  Again!  If you could get around the killing people thing for just a second, before of course bringing it back in to smash everything down.

and that is, finally, all the major answers re: actively shipping, (really my main ships in this show are Wei Wuxian/almost everyone he significantly interacts with, and then I guess some other people who aren’t Wei Wuxian can also have some ships too?), but a few more quick answers I’d Definitely Read:

NIE HUAISANG in a friends-who-have-sex way back during their time in summer school together.  You can’t tell me Lan Wangji thought that he wasn’t walking in on a Wei Wuxian/Jiang Cheng/Nie Huaisang orgy, that one time!  You can’t tell me that Nie Huaisang lent Wei Wuxian gay porn book(s?) and never at least tittered about the idea!  Their friendship at that point isn’t all that deep but… I think they both might very well find it a fun way to ~let off steam,~ or whatever, and I’d be into it.

WEN QING, even though I really like the fact that her friendship with Wei Wuxian is a hundred percent platonic (yes, it is, I’ll fight you).  I love how they run the Burial Mounds together, I love the mutual sympathy and the mix of teasing and deadly seriousness in their dynamic, what I really want is SO MUCH MORE of just their friendship - and working-together partnership! - but, you see, I have a weakness, for friends who are not romantic!  Just friends!  But they fuck once or twice or in a while for fun, in between doing things that are more important.

(Also I particularly like when they’re exes who are better off as friends, in a modern AU?  Idk somehow it just feels like a perfect fit for these two.)

… and I realize belatedly that the question asked ‘romantically’ and not ‘non-romantic fuck-buddies’ and therefore half of my answers don’t even apply, but whatever, I do what I want, and honestly for non-OTP-level ships I’m just as likely to ship them as fuckbuddies as I am romantically.  So there, meme, I cannot be constrained.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I COMPLETELY REFUSE TO CHOOSE: like, okay, fixing his relationship with his brother is the number-one most important thing to me about how canon ended.  So I guess??  I’d have to say that??  YUNMENG SHUANGJIE (the Pride Twins of Yunmeng) 4EVER, sure, definitely.  They both sacrificed everything for each other!  More importantly, to me, I think both… of them, just really miss each other a lot.  Jiang Cheng’s fucking furious at Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian’s pretty much given up on making any sort of attempt to change that, but I love them both and want them both to have everything that they still can that they want in life, and that means each other.

But I also love Wei Wuxian’s friendship with Wen Ning!  And his friendship with Wen Qing!  So much!!!  They are ALSO family, okay, they made a new home together (and then it died) ;___;.

And then!!!  The way he relates to the kids!  Is just so wonderful.  I love how he tries to be the ‘cool uncle’ to Jin Ling, how he balances the side of ‘I was an obnoxious brat too at your age… and in fact I kinda still am!’ with being a very responsible and caretaking adult.  I love the way that he gets down in the mud and plays with Sizhui as A-Yuan, being silly, and is also so thrilled and proud of Sizhui as an adult.  So uh yeah these are all of my favorite things

My unpopular opinion about this character

Hmmm I’m not so sure what’s unpopular.  (Besides a lot of my non-canon-OTP ship choices, but those aren’t really ‘opinions about the character.’  I don’t think he’s likely in near-canon-verses to be with anyone besides his husband, I just like stories where it can happen!).

I think I’ll say: I think he’s generally a pretty happy person.  He hides suffering with smiles, certainly!  That’s what he does!  But even though he has lost a lot - and even though I think he feels guilt over some things, like his sister’s death, and his nephew’s being an orphan - he doesn’t tend to dwell, on either the sorrow or the guilt in his life.  He is genuinely pretty okay... and finds ways to be okay, even happy, even in the worst parts of his life, day-to-day!  Even in the Burial Mounds, for example, when he’s missing his family and his almost-not-quite-yet boyfriend, ... sometimes he drowns in the missing, yeah, but far more often he’s happy with the things and the people that he’s growing there.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

HE AND LAN WANGJI SHOULD HAVE KISSED???  That’s the most obvious and unarguable thing.  They’re together, they’re so fucking together… on the steps of Carp Tower, in ep 42?  Or maybe in the snowy night in the Jingshi, in ep 43, before the scene faded away (to black).  (And presumably multiple times in the eps after that, but, eh, whatever).  The only reason why this didn’t happen is censorship - though I do admit, I love all the post-canon get-together fics.

Also: HE SHOULD”VE STAYED AT CLOUD RECESSES???  With Lan Wangji???  Or Lan Wangji should’ve gone with him, to ~wander the world together,~ though personally I prefer the ‘Lan Wangji is Chief Cultivator’ ending.  Anyway the fact that they separated is bullshit, (although, yes, I know all about that reunion implied in the last scene, but it’s not really satisfactory imo)… but, again, censorship.  And, again, I love!  All the post-canon fics where Wei Wuxian wanders around for some time before he finally ~comes back home~ to Lan Wangji.

Also also: if we’re talking about artistic decisions that weren’t cause of censorship: he and Jiang Cheng should’ve thawed just a little.  Been just a little bit more hopeful.  Towards each other, at the end of the show.  Jiang Cheng wanting to say something, but not..?  It was very ow, to me, it’s not a bad ow, but it needs to be remedied.  Let Jiang Cheng find a way to be able to tell his brother he misses and still loves him, please.

[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  Hope you had a good day, and are finally getting some rest!  So, did you know there are sites that let you design your own ugly Christmas sweaters?  May I present the one that Peter’s husbands get him for a party?  Except then the jokes on them because he won’t stop wearing it EVERYWHERE (at least I hope the image shows?  It saved in a different format on the site I used for this.)  Also, if you were ever to actually make a shirt of it, I would suggest an image from the reaction GIF you used for the alignment/meta anon.  Because, my god, that smirk.  XD  (Also, they are totally right.  And it is hilarious to me that the two officers of the law are firmly [and accurately] on the neutral side of that axis.  XD )

And I’m still screaming over that latest preview.  He just wants cuddles and ear scritches, Noah!  The saliva will dry, he’s just showing his appreciation for your support.  XD  And oh, yeah I knew he would eventually get better, it was more me trying to decide how quickly I was hoping for it to happen.  My “I want it asap because I hate seeing them in pain” side was warring with my “but nightmare creature cuddles would be adorbs, tho?” side (and they are).  :D  Also, terrible thought brought on by working at my job too long: since I don’t think that form has a tail like a wolf (I don’t really remember noticing one, at least?), do you think that since he can’t wag, he starts doing the wiggle-butt thing like boxers and pits tend to do?  (sorry, the thought occurred to me and I couldn’t make it stop.  XD )

Also, how dare you put the image of Noah and Chris cuddling in the window seat watching the snow fall while the listen to Peter singing ‘Hallelujah’ as he finishes the dishes, in my head?  Or them sitting at the table having coffee and joining him for the choruses?  Or Chris singing along with Tony Bennett or Harry Connick Jr on the local Christmas station?  Or Noah singing along with Chris Cornell’s version of Ave Maria (or doing a damn good impression at least [song is available on Spotify, btw, if you’ve not heard it])?  My body was not meant to hold this level of feral screaming, dude.  XD

For the undecided alignment (that don’t involve spoilers), I would vote LN for Danny and CG for John.  No specific reasons, that’s just what feels right at the moment.  And I’m curious if Noah and the kids have been in the vault at all, because Malia would be able to access it.

And, yes, I am all for mutual body positivity support among the boys.  I remember watching some BTS thing a few years back, and Linden said something about how everyone was “running around without their shirts on, and I just feel kinda old and jiggly”, and my very first thought was “Oh, please.  You may not be I’ve-had-nothing-but-chicken-for-a-week-and-haven’t-had-liquids-in-three-days ripped like the other guys, but in no way will you ever convince me you are actually out of shape in the slightest."  Also, I’m just picturing a scene where Noah accidentally(/on purpose…?) looms over Chris, who just has this moment of "oh, yeah, that’s right, you’re tall now” immediately followed by “well, I am learning a number of new things about myself right now"  XD  On a related note, how do you think he feels about dip kisses after realizing this?  Although, I do hope Noah does not sweep Chris off his feet in quite the same way Chris keeps doing to him.  XD

On an unrelated note, that post about Artoo and Luke about killed me dead.  XD  Artoo’s propensity for shenanigans and Luke’s pervading issues with impulse control is just a complete recipe for hilarious disaster and total ride-or-die besties.  It also reminded me of the post about how Rogue One leads into New Hope and Leia straight up lying right to her dad’s face.  Which, while hysterical, also makes me think about how many posts I see about how Leia is very much her father’s daughter, but almost never see any that point out how much Luke is his mother’s son.  I just have a LOT OF FEELINGS about this, okay?  But I will contain that rant.  XD  (Star Wars has been an on-again-off-again love for me since I was 9.  It’s pretty much a guaranteed way to get an emotional response out of me.  XD )

And I’m glad Mo doesn’t bother the tree or anything, though the box thing is pretty funny.  But he does seem to have that very cat-like tendency to want to completely block you from accessing the keyboard or pin you in place because he’s laying on you and you don’t want to disturb him, so I think he’s catting just fine.  XD  I mean, I have some friends who one of their cats is immune to scruffing (the downside of this is that he’s also almost completely feral still [he was a stray that stayed], and at one point he got a UTI and needed antibiotics.  I’m pretty sure my friend had to get like a falconing glove or something to get his pills in him.  XD )

That America being huge vs Europe being old thing also made me laugh because there was the section about the "long bus ride” that was like two hours, and all I could think about was how often we drove four hours both ways to visit my grandparents, and how in high school we took a trip to Canada, and I don’t remember the exact length of the bus ride up, but I know it was between twenty-three and twenty-eight hours.

And I hope you’re enjoying the Spiderman game, or will when you get to it!  As best I recall, everyone I know who has played it has had nothing but good things to say about it.  And wow, I’m rambling again.  Oh well.  Anyway, hope you’re doing well, and sending lots of good energy for finishing the chapter to your satisfaction (I know the readers certainly don’t mind the longer chapters.  :D )  Take care!  *Hugs!*

Oh my god I am absolutely in love with that sweater. Why is this not a thing XD 

And yeah, they definitely gift Peter a sweater like that, lbr. No other way about it. It definitely backfires when Peter wears it every single year and to everywhere. Including PT meetings and the parent/school board meetings? I forgot the American word for it, in Dutch we call it ouderraad. I know we talked about them before where Peter starts a war with the ‘Karen’ and completely wrecks her. And how all the other moms fall in love with the three DILFS.

But yeah, wears it everywhere and every year XD. 

Noah’s deputies, including Jordan, have definitely snapped pictures and post them on every computer desktop in the station. Including pictures of Noah’s reaction faces of that sweater.

Because you cannot convince me, that a bunch of cops, would not be dicks about this.

Chris is infinitely grateful that he does not have coworkers like that.

And god that is rather good smirk to go with that line XD. And yeah I guess it is funny. But it’s also true and that’s wow... XD 

I did a character alignment test for Peter and came out on CN so that is what I’m going to stick with in any itteration for him. 

As for the wiggle butt thing, he does not have a tail and I already had a very lengthy inner discussion with myself before getting this ask and I can tell you, he does wiggle butt like a boxer in this form. Imagine a fucking beast like that just wiggle butting with happiness. The image is so bizarre that I had to include it in the full moon chapter.

Chris is definitely learning a number of things about himself when he figures out Noah can now loom over him and press him against walls. Also Chris has a thing for being bound or pressed against objects and when Noah figures that one out, well, let’s say Peter certainly doesn’t mind watching those moments.

There’s also a revelation when Chris says; I can easily get out of these handcuffs and Noah translates it too; Good, that means that as long as you don’t try to, you’re consenting to whatever I’m doing to you. Deal? To which Chris, enthusiastically agrees. It’s a very fun game. Peter disagrees because they tend to lock him out during the games with some ash, although he is invited back in after they’re done and then the attention of two Omegas is fully on him. So I suppose he doesn’t mind too much.

Something that is both funny and sweet though is that through Ben, Noah discovers how much he misses having little kids running around. And he has a few moments of; oh god I want another kid realizations in this chapter.

Of course, considering their situation this isn’t the time and Noah more than realizes that. But it gets conversations about the future going for all three of them.

Oh and to answer your question, Malia has not been to the vault, but she and her siblings will get to see it. If that’s with dad or with Derek I haven’t decided yet. But they will end up at the vault in this story. Gotta get Peter’s necklace back.

So far I’ve had a bit of a rough day but by answering this and focusing on headcanons, and that freaking sweater!!!!, I feel a bit better. So thank you my friend, this helped me a lot <3. 

And I agree, Leia is just like her father but Luke is all Padme and people don’t talk about that enough. <3

Lots of Love from me and Mo!

[breezy-cheezy]

Allura, Eraserhead, Jason Todd, Miles Morales, Hornet :>

Alrighty here we go~

***Allura****

First impression: She’s so pretty!! Elf?? SPACE ELF??? Idk what’s going on with all the lions and stuff but I love her design. She’s so cute…

Impression now: I love her and she deserved SO MUCH BETTER than she got?? D:

Favorite moment: TBH when she started getting to pilot Blue and really got to grow into her leader role, I just thought it was so cool?? Also all magic scenes!!

Idea for a story: Let her go shopping for shiny things at the space mall!!!!

Unpopular opinion: Is it bad I still ship Shallura…………? But I also liked her and Lotor…….*I’m still not caught up btw HA but I have had spoilers sooooo*

Favorite relationship: I really really loved her familial bond with Coran, I wish we saw more of that! Wonderful space Niece and Uncle!

Favorite headcanon: Altean markings all over and that they glow. I’;m sorry I’m not more interesting on this front;;;;;

***Eraserhead/Aizawa***

First impression: ????what is with this homeless gremlin man he looks scary and kinda mean?? Is he high?? Why is he so mean to Deku??

Impression now: I love and support Eraserhead…he’s such a dad. Tough love dad, but a good and supportive dad. He grew on me real fast X’’’D Also please let him have sleep and all the cats he wants :T

Favorite moment: Every time he saves the kids…or gives pep talks…just…what a good dude…

Idea for a story: Sooooo daemon au?? Maybe his Barred Owl delivers messages over campus? Oooh I just imagined his mama owl huddled over a nest of stray kittens ;7;

Unpopular opinion: MHA is great, needs more Aizawa. ANd more cats.

Favorite relationship: His friendship with ALL Might and Mic? So pure…but also Tsuyu being his surrogate daughter? Super pure…

Favorite headcanon: Aro/Ace Aizawa ace aizawa ace aizawa ACE AIZAWA ACE— I think you get the point ;7;

***Jason Todd***

First impression: He is…the mean jock robin…he died once?? But he came back with a gun…poor dude with issues…

Impression now: SON. CHILD. PLEASE LET HIM BE HAPPY. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.PLEASE GIVE HIM A BREAK AND MAKE HIM COME HOME TO HIS FAMILY AND ACCEPTANCE!!!

Favorite moment: Any time he quotes classic literature like the HUGE nerd he is!! And the part where he was sick and fell asleep on Bruce…ALSO that freaking “YAAAAASSSS” in Robin war, a current fave, I love that dumb scene so freaking much asndububfer 

Idea for a story: IDK I’ve always had this little plunny idea of some little girl he rescues from something just kinda plays with his hair and paints his nails and he just totally rolls with it. Anything with Jason and kids. I mean. Look how well he handles Bizzarro??

Unpopular opinion: Unpopular to DC I really wish he could just hug it out with Bruce and be done with all the family drama.......

Favorite relationship: Platonic Jason with Tim has been a huge fave...Berba pointed out they’re BOTH huge nerds and kinda jocks too, so that’s fun! But also Jason with Damian. And Dick. And Bruce. Jason bonding with the batfam?? But also Jason bonding with Bizzarro was one of the cutest things...lookit this softie :P 

Favorite headcanon: That Jay is actually a redhead but dyed it upon adoption to hide his identity as robin! Also that he’s aro/ace. And that he has claustrophobia that flares up at inconvenient times due to the whole “waking up in a grave” thing...

I think about Jason alot?? But gosh DANG I cannot draw him consistently DX 

***Miles Morales***

First impression: Black spiderman? Cool! Never heard of him but he looks nice??

Impression now: LITERAL SUN/SON INTO THE COLLECTION YOU GO-- he deserved more hugs after all the crap he went through in Spiderverse :T I love him, he’s so sweet and funny and an artist!! :’’D

Favorite moment: LEAP OF FAITH!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!!! but also the “who’s Morales” scene X’’’’’D I still think about that and laugh to this DAY

Idea for a story: I....really really like that Ballarino idea I’ve seen floating around...Miles in ballet would be so cool and funny!

Unpopular opinion: ....that first spiderman outfit was dumb and I know it’s the point but GOODNESS MILES X’’’’D makes it so much cooler when he gets his own!!

Favorite relationship:

I love Miles with everyone but gosh these friendships make me SO happy, also a platonic “I love you” BLESS!!!

Favorite headcanon: Seeing as Miles is an artist I bet he does all those Artist things like...buying new sketchbooks, despte having so many half finished ones, so many projects he needs to finish, always losing PENCILS, dumb stuff like that X’’D 

***Hornet***

First impression: I saw ads/posts about “SIlksong” long before I started playing Hollow Knight, so I thought she was going to be the sweet, cool, older sister figure! What a pretty bug!

Impression now: SHE’S BEAT ME UP SO MANY TIMES I feel like she says “get gud” every time and I suffer;;;;; I still love her and she’s freaking awesome~ visiting her little spider village was...sad tho...

Favorite moment: So far, when she went back to save the little Knight from the avalanche!! ;7; character development...

Idea for a story: I’d...love to see her go back and visit her mother’s grave (I’m ASSUMING it was Herrah, yes??) but also I’d love a human modern AU of some sort, with Hollow and the Knight as siblings...

Unpopular opinion: the spider charm is super helpful but I feel really bad about wearing it while fighting her, because now the little spiderlings are fighting their princess to protect me ;;7;; *guilt* but otherwise I die...! 

Favorite relationship: I love that “big sister” vibe that only grows every time she interacts with the knight X’’D 

Favorite headcanon: I like the idea that she sews stuff for other bugs in need, I think that’s super cute! 

WHEW ok gonna sleep now, sorry my answers are kinda boring;;; *tries to spice it up with gifs*

[of2worldsxmuses]

TEXT: CHARLIE & ELI

ELI: Hey there stranger, you got time to talk to a friend?

CHARLIE: Hey! I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. Been busy with stuff. How have you been?

ELI: Same here, but things keep getting in the way, but I am glad we are talking now. I want to hear it all. Should we have another coffee date?

ELI: Wow, I was hoping they would calm down by now. But if they are keeping up with Verona news, I doubt that changes soon. Sorry Charlie.

CHARLIE: We just have to be a little better about keeping up with each other. I understand that you have a life and Dani, but you could always spare some time for your sister from another mother. 😝

CHARLIE: Coffee sounds great btw. We should carve up some time for that.CHARLIE: Of course they would be keeping up with the news. They're nosy that way. Don't worry about it though, I'm used to it.

ELI: That is very true, and you have Deviano, so we both have special people in our lives. But yes, we should make time for one another.

ELI: I am free tomorrow afternoon if you are. Then you can tell me what you wanted to talk about.

ELI: I do hope that nothing too extreme happens, because if it does, you are not going to get any peace.

CHARLIE: We're not a thing, but you're right, I do have him or at least he has me. It's complicated. I really need to meet you to tell you everything.

CHARLIE: Tomorrow afternoon is perfect. Did you want to come pick me up or should I just meet you at the cafe? I'm good with either.

CHARLIE: Please don't jinx it. I don't want them to force me home. Let's both cross our fingers and toes, and hope nothing else happens in Verona.

ELI: What are you waiting on to make it official? The Apocalypse? Do it already, tell the man how you feel. But I will listen.

ELI: I'll pick you up, no problem.

ELI: I am definitely chanting every morning that we will have peace in Verona.

CHARLIE: Hey! I resent that! Isn't it his job to say it first. He's the Dom and the man. Why should it be my job? Doesn't seem fair. And I sorta did already, thank you very much. It's in Spanish, but you know...it's still something.

CHARLIE: Speaking of making things official. Have you done that yet with Dani? If not, then you should really take your own advice. 🙄🙄

CHARLIE: Thank you.

CHARLIE: I hope it works. ELI: Very true, he could say it first, but it's no law that says the dominant or Male has to say it first. And you saying it in Spanish is nice, but does he speak Spanish?

ELI: Touche, I'll step up and make it official.

ELI: Me too!

CHARLIE: Well in this case, it should be law. Not that I know of, but I still said something... Unlike somebody who shall not be named. Eli Sutherland. Oh wait, I did name him. My bad...

CHARLIE: Uh-huh... I'll believe it when I hear from Dani. Until then you're just as bad as I am.

ELI: Hold on, I bet Dani feels more secure about our relationship than Deviano with yours. I may not have asked her to be my girlfriend per say, but she knows how I feel about her.

ELI: Fine, you'll see soon enough.

CHARLIE: Not true! I see him everyday, and I TALK to him. It's not like I just jump on his dick and leave, so if he still feels like that's not enough, he needs to come out and say something. Why does everything have to fall on my shoulders? Do I look like I have a penis to you? 🙄🙄

CHARLIE: Keep talking, old man. It's still just plain old promises to me.

ELI: Okay, okay, fine...calm down. I don't know how he feels so I'm not going to make assumptions.

ELI: No one says it should, but I'm talking to you and not him. But are you saying that you need a penis to step up? That doesn't seem like you?

ELI: Old man? Really...you going there? Have you been talking to Ezra?

CHARLIE: You got me all riled up and now you want me to calm down? My side eye for you is super strong, sir. 🙄🙄

CHARLIE: Oh, so just because I'm a strong, independent woman, I have to grab the bull by the balls or something? What the hell kind of mentality is that? I don't see you asking that of Dani. Double standards much?

CHARLIE: No. I'm just annoyed right now, that's why...

ELI: Look Charlie, I'm not trying to fight with you, I just asked a question. I'm sorry if I upset you.

ELI: You're right, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Sit and wait for him to ask you.

ELI: .....🤦‍♂️

CHARLIE: It's fine. I'm sorry I snapped.

CHARLIE: He called me his one and only the other day when I was hungover. It's in Italian, but what do you think that means?

ELI: It's fine, we are adults and can disagree from time to time.

ELI: Did he now? Then I think he wants you to be his one and only. Looks like he's told you too.

CHARLIE: I still love you though, even if you annoy me from time to time. ❤️

CHARLIE: This whole thing is confusing, isn't it? But I don't want to push things, so I'm just going with the flow.

ELI: I ❤ you too! That's what brothers do.

ELI: But do you want more than just going with the flow?

CHARLIE: I hope your siblings appreciate what a great big brother your are, because you're awesome in my eyes.

CHARLIE: I think I do, yes. But what do I even say?

ELI: Oh stop it...you're making me blush. 😊 But I hope they appreciate me, because I love them both.

ELI: Well if you want more, maybe you should think about really talking to him, and asking him about your relationship.

CHARLIE: I'm stating facts, Eli, not trying to flatter you. I hope they know that you love them too, otherwise I'm stealing you away.

CHARLIE: I don't know if I can. My last relationship ended badly, I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to jump into another one.

ELI: I'll let them know that, and maybe with the threat of stealing me, they might appreciate me more.

ELI: One thing I will say, don't punish Deviano for your past relationship.

CHARLIE: You better. They're one mistake away from losing you to me. 😂

CHARLIE: I'm not, Eli. I'm just... I'm scared, okay? Can't I be scared?

ELI: You are very sweet, and they better step up, before you are my favorite sibling.

EI: You can totally be scared, but fear has a way of taking over situations. You don't want that to happen.

CHARLIE: I would love to the be the favorite! 😝

CHARLIE: To be fair, I've never tried to push him away. At least not since the last time I saw you. If anything, I show him affection freely now. I don't just call everyone mi corazon. That's my heart in Spanish...

ELI: That can happen! 😋

ELI: Well then if you are calling him your heart, and he is saying you are his one and only, then you guys are in a relationship.

CHARLIE: Maybe I should tell Val, so she can tell Ezra and make him jealous. 😂

CHARLIE: Problem solved then. No need for us to make things clear? See, even you agree that I'm not giving him hell for what my ex did.

ELI: Shush...let's just keep this between us. 🤐

ELI: If that's what you want, but I'm not sure it is. No you are not, and that's a good thing.

ELI: I have a meeting in five minutes, so we can continue this at coffee.

CHARLIE: Boo... You're spoiling all my fun. But, fine, I'll keep it between us.

CHARLIE: We'll figure it out, I'm sure. At least we're headed somewhere and not nowhere like before.

CHARLIE: Alright. I need to get back to work anyway. Have a good meeting. I'll see you! 😊

[ididntlookback]

IDK I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING BUT PLS WRITE SOMETHING CUZ IM DESPERATE AFTER S6

that’s a big phat mood so have this super self indulgent things i wrote. This is what i picture having happened right after where s6 leaves off. Btw, because i’m klance trash i put a tiny little romantic undertone here but feel free to read this and just think of it as a friendship (wc: 2,000)

Keith looked up into space. He looked as far as his eyes could reach, and he saw things- stars, planets, whatever else was out there- he saw them sparkle. They’d glow brighter and then they’d go back to normal. They’d shine for a few seconds and then tone back down.

Keith saw space like that every day he’d been away from earth, especially on the back of that whale- there hadn’t been much more to do than look up. These sparkles, though, they felt so different as Keith stood on a random rock in space, his temporary home gone but his brother back.

It felt like those stars were shining for Keith and his team. The stars and the unknown were applauding them.

Or maybe Keith was just really out of it.

He felt as though he hadn’t sat down in ages. A small bit of adrenalin was still coursing through him from his fight with ‘Shiro’ and Lotor. His heart was still pounding from how close he had been to losing Shiro.

The team was still on the same rock they landed on to heal Shiro. They had decided to go back to earth, but after such an intense day they needed to rest before their long trip home.

Shiro- new and improved- was resting in the Black lion. Pidge and Hunk were doing maintenance on the Lions but taking frequent breaks in between their work. Allura was taking it easy as well, the magic having taken a lot out of her. She, Coran, and Romelle were chatting about the new Altean that Keith and Krolia had discovered. Krolia, her mother’s instinct acting up, was checking up on everyone to make sure they were okay.

Keith didn’t know what he was doing. Shiro was okay, and so was everyone else. For the time being, the team didn’t have a mission- they certainly weren’t going to free people of galra control with just the lions and no home base. With nothing big on Keith’s plate, he just… didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know what he was suppose to be doing.

Keith had gotten pats on the backs and ‘good jobs’ from the team after their battle, plus a hug from his mom. She had told him to sit and rest, but at the time Keith was still hopped up on adrenaline.

Keith looked up at the sky and felt the stars applauding them. That was what he was doing.

There was a certain star that shined more than the others- it must’ve been a planet. Keith took a few tentative steps toward it, as if those few steps would reveal the mystery of the lights identity to him.

He found himself doing the same thing as before, just watching the sky shine.

“What are you doing?”

Keith was so out of it that he almost yelled at the sound of the voice, surprising him. He looked at the source of the sound and saw Lance only a few feet away. He was sitting against the red lion, his arms folded and his legs crossed in front of him.

“Hm?” Keith asked.

“What are you doing?” Lance repeated.

The question wasn’t snarky, which was the tone Keith most acquainted with Lance, it was just curious. Keith couldn’t help but notice that it sounded worn, as well. His voice was a bit gritty, and it wasn’t as loud and piercing as Lance usually sounded.

“Oh,” Keith said. “I don’t really know. What are you doing?”

“Just sitting,” Lance responded.

“Why aren’t you over with the others?”

“There’s not much for me to be doing over there.”

The two didn’t talk for a few seconds. Keith didn’t know what to say.

“Uh, can I sit?” Keith asked, gesturing to the open space next to Lance.

Lance’s eyes squinted slightly, but he nodded yes after a few seconds.

Keith sat, one knee up against his chest and his other leg straight in front of him, next to Lance’s legs. He placed his arm on his propped up knee.

Once he was situated, he looked over at Lance. Lance looked far away, his mind both nowhere and everywhere. He looked… different. Or maybe Keith just didn’t pay close enough attention to Lance before he had left for the blade of marmora.

“Good job,” Lance said, breaking the silence. “You know… leading the team and stuff.”

“Thanks,” Keith said. He glanced over at Lance, who was looking straight in front of himself and into space. Maybe he was looking at the stars as well. “Sorry for snapping at you when I first got back.”

“It’s whatever,” Lance shrugged. “You had bigger things to deal with.”

Keith sighed slightly. What he needed was a joke or two, or at least some sarcasm. The usual team producer of just that seemed out of business, and it was weird. “You alright?”

Lance looked over at Keith. “Yeah, i just have a lot on my mind.”

Keith looked at Lance’s eyes and saw clumps of his long eyelashes dried together. They were from dried tears.

“What did you mean before?” Keith asked, not being able to help himself. “You said that Shiro had tried to contact you.”

Lance sighed and cleaned dirt out from underneath his finger nails. Keith suspected it was more of a way to keep himself occupied than to keep up his hygiene.

He didn’t respond for a few minutes, and neither of them talked. Keith knew that there was nothing else underneath Lance’s fingernails, but he kept picking at them.

“We went on a mission a week or two back,” Lance started, “and we all went into this weird… astral plane thing. I guess it was the consciousness of our lions or something. One by one we disappeared until it was just me and Shiro left.”

Despite sitting by himself and not talking for however long they’d been on that rock, Lance’s voice sounded dry and worn.

“He tried calling out to me. He told me to listen to him, but I couldn’t hear him well. It was kind of like a staticky radio station. Then, we were out of the astral plane. I asked Shiro- or… fake Shiro about it, but he said he didn’t know what i was talking about.”

Lance looked over at Keith, his eyes dark and heavy.

“That was the real Shiro. He was trying to tell me, but i just- i didn’t know- I didn’t figure it out. If i had, we could’ve saved him earlier. But… I didn’t figure it out.”

“Lance,” Keith said gently, “you can’t blame yourself.”

Lance scoffed. “Yeah? Why not?”

“Because you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not that you didn’t figure it out, it’s that you couldn’t possibly have figured it out. You didn’t have enough to go on. If Pidge or Hunk or Allura were in your place, they wouldn’t have been able to figure it out, either.”

“You don’t know that, thought.”

“I’m pretty sure of it,” Keith said. “And anyway, it doesn’t matter, Lance. No one got hurt, and Shiro’s okay now.”

Lance looked over at Keith and looked like he was at least considering Keith’s words. “He’s missing an arm.”

“That’s on me, though,” Keith said with a raised eyebrow. “And he was missing an arm before, anyway.”

Lance laughed lightly. He still looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he looked a bit better. Keith was relieved by that.

“Wait here,” Lance said after looking over at Keith.

He walked into the red lion and emerged a few seconds later, holding a metal box Keith identified as the first aid box they all had in their lions.

“What are you doing with that?” Keith asked.

Lance snorted. “Have you looked in a mirror in the past day?”

“There’s… no mirrors to look into,” Keith said, suddenly feeling self conscious.

“Well, you look like shit.”

“Thanks.”

Lance pried open the box and took out a sterilizing wipe. “Can I?” he asked.

Keith didn’t fully process what he was asking, but he said yes.

Lance scooted closer to Keith and lightly pressed at the long burn on Keith’s face. Each dab sent a spike of pain through Keith, but it was bearable.

He was a little surprised at the caring role Lance was taking on. Would he have done this for Keith before he’d left for the blade of Marmora? Then again, would Keith have tried to comfort Lance as he had just done before he had left with the blade?

“Did you mean what you said? That I’ve changed?” Keith found himself asking. Lance was still cleaning his wound. Keith could feel Lance’s breath. His hands were warm.

“Well, yeah,” Lance said. “Your hair’s longer. And you’re taller. And kind of jacked- uh, not that i… pay attention to how jacked you usually are. You’ve also got a mom now, and you just… seem more complete? I don’t know if that makes sense. I just think you’re more confident in who you are now.”

“Oh,” Keith said, surprised by the answer. His heart fluttered a bit.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Lance backtracked. “I still totally hate you. Yuck. As if i’d ever enjoy your presence.”

Keith smirked, Lance’s hands leaving his face after he finished placing a bandage on his cheek. Lance smiled back at him, the air clear and light. There it was, the sarcasm that Keith needed.

Lance sat back where he was before, and Keith relaxed again against the lion. “So, what are gonna do when you get back to earth?” Keith asked.

Lance smiled at the reminder of their destination. He didn’t stop smiling. “I’ll go see my family. I miss them a lot, and I have… however many months we’ve been up here of noogies to make up for to my siblings. No scalp is safe from my wrath.”

Keith laughed at that.

“What about you?”

“Dunno,” Keith said with a shrug. “Not like I have a ton to go back down there for.”

“You can come back with me,” Lance said. He looked a bit surprised by his own words. “If- if you want. You don’t have to. My family is kind of a handful, so i’d get it i-”

“I’d love to meet them,” Keith cut in. “I mean, we’re all a family now, too, right?”

Lance relaxed a bit. “Yeah, we are.”

The two didn’t speak for a while longer. It was comfortable, though, and Keith felt like he just discovered something that he’d been missing.

Lance still looked a bit lost, but who wouldn’t be after what they’d been through the past few days? He seemed distracted from the negative thoughts Keith knew were hacking away at his brain, and Keith was glad he had some relief.

“I missed you, you know,” Lance said quietly.

Keith looked over at Lance, and Lance looked at him. Keith smiled a smile that he didn’t know he had in him. “I missed you, too.”

Lance flashed a smile as bright as the stars Keith had been so hypnotized by before. “Tell my about your time away. Tell me about your mom.”

So Keith did. He talked with Lance for what seemed like forever, the pain in his cheek subsiding but the deep fatigue he felt slowly dawning on him.

This was what Keith was supposed to be doing. He was supposed to be with his family, both old and new.

He looked back up at the applauding stars and imagined how different they’d look on Earth. How different they’d look from a planet that once was so lonely for Keith; how different they’d look when Keith returned to that planet, no longer alone.