#but i don't think im half bad at guessing at this point

[my-screenshot-dump]

[creepiefarm]

i hate u ppl who took everything jay ever said about tim as Fact

[fooltofancy]

i'm going to talk to myself morosely in the tags for a bit to see if i can unknot the brain parts, disregard.

[sv5hive]

take a break | sv5

pairing: sebastian vettel x fem!reader

warning(s): unhealthy studying habits(?), self-doubt, academic failure etc, etc.

word count: 797

note: this is incredibly self indulgent bcos guess who failed their chemistry exam!!! hahahaha you guessed it it's me!! (if i don't laugh i'll cry.)

masterlist!

hours of staring at a bright computer screen in a pitch black room had clearly began taking its effects after the words began to warp and swirl around. a dozen empty cans of redbull sat at the bottom of your bin along with several scraps of paper you had torn apart in frustration.

you couldn't even remember when you sat down at your desk to study. all you knew was that you had an important exam the next day and you felt hopelessly unprepared. you tore your eyes away from the blinding screen to look outside your window. the moon shone through sparse clouds illuminating the desolate streets. usually, the roads were teeming with cars trying to get home but at this time of night you were the only one awake.

"schatz? what are you still doing up?"

in the midst of zoning out, you failed to hear your boyfriend entering through the door.

was it really that late?

"i'm almost done, seb. i just have to finish this little bit now."

"come on, how long have you been sat at that desk, hm? studying for hours on end does more bad than good."

"i know, i just- i'm almost finished i promise. this test is really important and i have to do well."

"hey, hey, what's wrong?"

he rushed over to you with furrowed brows and outstretched arms.

without even realising, tears had brimmed your eyes and began tumbling down your face at an alarming rate.

"nothing, it's nothing. uhm, i'll finish this and then i'll come to bed."

you hastily wiped away your tears with your sleeves but they seemed to be never ending.

"it's obviously not nothing, schatz. if it's making you cry like this it's something to talk about."

the seconds ticked by as you debated whether you were ready to reveal what had been plaguing your mind. clearly sensing your inner turmoil, sebastian tugged you out of the chair and towards the kitchen.

"come with me to the kitchen, i'll make us some tea so you can calm down."

after two cups of hot chamomile tea had been made and placed on the counter, sebastian sat opposite you and patiently waited for you to speak without pushing you. your tears slowed down to faint sniffles as you sipped on the tea silently. annoyingly, sebastian was right and it did help you compose yourself. you put down your half empty cup and cleared your throat.

"i've been struggling with my studies. there's just so much to remember and it just gets harder and harder to keep up but everyone else is fine and i don't understand why i'm the only one who can't do the simplest tasks."

at this point, it was difficult to see through your hot tears and your face was burning up with embarrassment. sebastian was quick to place his hand over yours to try and bring you some sense of comfort.

"schatz, you are the smartest person i know. if you're finding it difficult then you're probably not the only one. i'm sure everyone can see how much effort you're putting in and that's all anyone can ask of you. if you don't do well on the test tomorrow it's not the end of the world, ok? but i think you will be completely fine, im certain."

you nodded half-heartedly, not fully convinced despite his little pep talk. you rubbed any remaining tears away and attempted to put a smile on your face.

"yeah, sorry i just feel like an idiot dumping all this on you when you just got home from work. how was your day?"

he got up from his seat to encase you in his arms. he might not be able to help with your assignments but he could definitely be there to support you with anything and everything else.

"don't apologise for your feelings. i'm sorry i didn't realise you were having a hard time. i should've noticed you weren't coping well. and my day was good, thank you for asking."

you smiled into his chest at his heartfelt apology for something that was never his fault to begin with.

"don't be silly, seb. it's not your job to constantly watch me. i should be able to do that myself."

"i know you can take care of yourself but it doesn't hurt to ask for help sometimes. it might feel like you're alone but you're not. i'm always here for you, you know that right?"

he tightened his hold on you as if to reassure you further and peppered the crown of your head with soft kisses.

you leaned up to place a peck on his cheek to express your gratitude in a way you would never be able to do justice with words.

"yeah, i know."

[gothic-thoughts]

Date Night

(IM IN DISTRESS)

Nanami Kento x Black Fem Reader Fluff

DatingAU, DomesticAU

CW: disrespectful waiter, jealous Nanami, Nanami spoiling you(😫)

Word Count: 1043

The elevator doors open, anticlimactically releasing a few people before revealing my beautiful date. She was slightly taller now, courtesy of the blue heels that matched her knee-length dress. My lips parted slightly, knees weakening as she looked up from her watch, displaying the purple lipstick that compliments her bracelet. She grins brightly and strolls out, readjusting the purse strap on her shoulder.

"(Y/n)...you...."

"Take a picture, Kento." (Y/n) giggles, "It'll last longer."

"I was considering it," I chuckle, "I was just wondering how you manage to look so beautiful on every date we've been on."

"Black girl magic."

"Well, tonight, I have some magic of my own."

I take out a small box and open it, displaying the golden necklace I bought; my way of making our relationship more official despite it only being our 2nd date. She gasps, mouth remaining open as she gently takes the box and pulls out the chain, finding an elliptical pendant with "Darling" engraved in tiny diamonds.

"Kento, oh my god." She all but whispers, "Already? I mean, you don't think--"

"It's too soon?" I finish, gently taking the necklace to put it on her, "No, I don't."

"I mean, I'm not denying but more gifts? I feel bad, you already gave me flowers on our last date and we're at another fancy restaurant."

"Who said pretty women stop getting pretty things?" I wink, holding out my arm for her, "Shall we?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After ordering, the waiter gently sets (Y/n)'s food down with a wink in her direction before setting mine down more roughly. I raise my eyebrow at him as he walks away but ultimately refocus on the beautiful woman before me, copper skin glowing in the warm light of the place when he returns with a bottle of wine. 

"More wine, beautiful?"

(Y/n) chuckles, caught off guard, "Uh, yes, thank you."

He looked her in her eyes as he slowly poured the crimson liquid into the stemmed glass, a flirtatious smirk was very much present on his lips before fading to a grimace when he reluctantly filled my glass. I'm noticing a pattern. Am I inconveniencing him? I shake my head from my thoughts again and sip my wine, watching (Y/n) as she blissfully took another bite.

I smile softly, “Seems like you're enjoying yourself."

"It's so good." She groans, throwing her head back slightly, “I heard the food was delicious here, but I never had it."

"I know, my love. I have pages and pages of texts with you gushing about it." I chuckle, "That's why I scheduled a reservation."

"But I never thought you would, much less for a 2nd date." She looks at me with awe, lowering her fork, "Thank you so much; you didn't have to do this.”

“No need to thank me, love. All you have to do is ask."

"But I didn't even ask, Ken."

"Then I guess you don't have to ask." I wink, "Maybe I would've spoiled you like this anyway."

"On our 2nd date?"

"This could be our 10th date and that wouldn't stop me from treating you like the royalty you are."

The upper portion of her cheeks pools with dark red as she plays with her necklace. She's just so....god I hope I don't get a call. After talking and laughing with her for about half an hour, our bold server returned and placed a platter of slices of various cakes in between our empty plates. Oh great. Maybe I'm just being a bit jealous. How could I already be acting like this when we met only a month ago? Maybe cuz I know I could be called away for a damn curse at any minute.

"Uh..." (Y/n) pointed to the cakes, "We didn't order this."

He winks at her yet again, "It's on the house, ma'am." 

"Oh..." She looks at me worriedly, "Are you s--?"

"No, it's fine, gorgeous. Thank you, my date and I appreciate it. We'll take the check now though."

"Sure."

And another eye-roll. I mean, it's only natural for him to stare; she's the most stunning person in here. But I don't like him flirting with her like I'm not sitting right here. I think his nickname even made her uncomfortable. I look up at her to read her face only to see her take a bite of strawberry-topped cake with a satisfied moan. I smile when noticing the frosting at the corners of her mouth, but it fades when the waiter takes out a napkin.

As he reaches for her face, I stand abruptly and delicately wipe away the frosting at the edge of her mouth and I wink at her just to see those chubby cheeks flush for me. I glare at the waiter as I set the money on the check before firmly taking my date's hand and quickly guiding her out the restaurant. In the parking lot, she tugged on my arm forcing me to stop walking and look at her.

"Ken, I'm alright."

"I'm sorry, he was going to touch you and I just...You noticed, right?"

"Yeah, at first I thought he was being sweet but then he was doing a little too much. Especially with all the winks and stuff."

"He couldn't take his eyes off you for more than a second the whole time."

"Ken--"

"And believe me, I know I've done the same but it's different. Of course, I would spend as much time as possible focusing on my date."

She steps closer, "Nanami...."

"But when I do it, I look with awe at how charming you are. The worst part about it was he was so obvious. It was like he trying to pretend I wasn't there."

(Y/n) grabs my tie, and my eyes widen as her lips softly link with mine. She makes me moan in surprise when she tugs downward, pulling me closer to her shorter stature to deepen the kiss. My hands rest on her waist before I slide up the left one up her back to hold the back of her neck before she pulled away with a smile.

"I...I'm...rambling."

"I know, that's why I shut you up."

"I'm sorry, jealousy's not something that usually consumes me like that."

"You wanna...." She walks her fingers up my chest, "Go somewhere reserved?"

I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, "I think some alone time could clear my head."

"You think it's quieter at my place or yours?"

"Mine."

[crushedsweets]

h music moon anon back again

what instruments do u think each creep would play? i think toby would play drums or something as an outlet for his emotions

tim plays an ancient acoustic guitar that’s missing like 2 strings and the wood is literally rotting (he’s had it since like 1999 and refuses to get rid of it)

nina sings. she defo had a yt cover channel at one point

unsure for the rest.. hm

- 🌙

oo. omg. yes. i like this. just a reminder that i really have no experience with instruments but i think its cool. half/most of these characters DON'T play in my au, BUT IF THEY DID....

toby and drums for sure, BUT realistically his parents would never let that happen in their house and he wouldn't really wanna put in the effort to get a drum set to the cabin. but listen. harmonica toby. yeah. not expanding

tim and acoutstic guitar but its fucked up and ugly and he only keeps it because he's attatched to it but its so bad

nina singing is also sooo fucking canon. she'd prob try to learn guitar at some point but then realized she had to cut her nails and callous her fingers, so she gave up immediately LMFAOO

brian... mmm... honestly guitar is pretty fitting for him too. he'd be one of those guys at parties who starts playing and he's so incredibly mediocre at it.

i feel like i could see like. childhood kate playing the piano cuz her mom wants her to. but she was always complaining and whining and getting mad about it, and then her life was ruined by the operator when she was like 14, so.. she couldnt play even if she tried

natalie also wouldnt play anything, but i could see her like having one of those fucked up out of tune pianos thrown in the barn that she found for free on the side of the road and had to get tims truck to move it. idk if anyone knows rio romeo, but how their piano sounds basically.. WHICH I LIKE. i love it.

jack and liek a fucking flute. i legit have no reason to explain this, but jack and a flute. bros lung capacity is crazy

sally and . yall know how lisa simpson is with the saxophone or whatevr. yeah. little sally with a saxophone half her size

ben also would not play shit, but i could see him trying to make music with like. the computer. i really dont know what its called but im sure u guys get what im talking about

NOW JEFF. jeffs parents would have let him get a drum set in the garage (he wouldve bullied his own parents into agreeing to it). he wouldve thought he was sooo fucking cool and soooooo fucking funny when he was so severely NOT.

liu and another like, flute clarinet saxophone type thing.. mayhaps the piano. something classy or whatever i guess

jane and the piano. cannot accept anything else.

lulu and.. the harp... her family was crazy rich growing up...... she plays the damn harp.

ann and a violin. cant explain it. sorry. but ann and a violin.

sadie and something goofy and like playful like a tambourine.. dancing around slapping the thing and her dress is all bouncing w her and aww.

dina and also something like classy i guess. im inclined to put her w the harp too cuz like angel wings and yeah idfk . but theres no way more than 1 of them plays the harp so ill put this bitch on the piano !!!

[etoilesbienne]

honestly thank you so much for talking about this

i have been doing. so bad. it feels like half the fucking server and fandom are pretending like nothing happened and/or the admins that left did so just to pursue other things or whatever and then there was zero aknowledgment of that from q's side

like idk, i personally have other povs as well, but the french + bbh & dapper have contributed So Much and were/are my favorite parts of the server as well, and it just. sucks so much that everyone seems to just be moving on like it didn't mean anything

ywah. like ill be honest where i am rn ive spent the better part of two days crying out of frustration and i keep going on ocd spirals about everything happening because its agitating me to no end. ironically this is probably causing my inability to shut the fuck up but i feel like ive gotten to the point where i just. do not think i care about hearing excuses anymore. im tired of reading about how lumi or shade "never actually cared about the server and want it to burn down." they worked there for Ten Months and More for Free with no recognition. I think they cared a lot about it. im tired of reading about the possible theoretical ways restructuring could happen. i just want something tangible that shows literally any improvement of the original problem (communication) being solved. im tired of people blaming random ass "haters" as the downfall of the project and not the company's own mismanagement. frankly i feel fucking crazy seeing people say that quackity response was directed at anyone except the admins. he would not be making that statement if the admins didn't say anything. i don't want the project to fail but i feel like ive had a slap in the face after sitting and trying to be polite and quiet. what am i supposed to do sit and beg for scraps like a dog? this has turned into a personal post i guess but i sure am not doing great personally. i feel like everyone is gaslighting me constantly about things being better than they are and not acknowledging whats happened for some reason like are me and maybe 15 other people the only people who can see the dead bodies in the middle of the room . i feel quite negative currently is what im realizing

[6-zao-xing-9]

HEYYY can I have Akito and Touya separatly x reader where they could just be chillin on thee couch and like all of the sudden readers like "Hey what'd happen if we had kids one day?" and it was supposed to be a "joke" but then it turns into a whole convo. Thats my idea thank you for listening 🥰

A Talk About Our Future

Akito and Toya x fem! reader (separate)

Summary: As a joke, Y/N decides to ask her boyfriend about their future together. Little did she know that her joke was gonna lead to a whole conversation about their future.

This writing contains..... A tiny bit of fluff in Akito's part....

A/N: Hello, anon! Ty for requesting, this was fun to write <3 I honestly needed a break from doing fics with all of the boys, so im so happy you only requested two😪 but ofc its my fault i chose to do all of them xD. F/G means favorite gem not fig but the I is in italics

Aoyagi Toya:

With Y/N in my lap and a book in my hand, today was a pretty relaxing day. No arguments with my dad, no top quiz to study for, and not even practice because we all needed a day off.

“‘Her heart trembled at the thought of leaving her home behind, but with—’”

“.... Toya?”

I stop reading at the mention of my name, shifting my attention to Y/N.

“Hm? Do you need something?”

“.... I was wondering.... What... What would happen if we had kids one day?”

That last part came out with her chuckle, and I find myself slightly surprised and caught off guard with that question.

“Having children and starting a family sounds like a nice thing. That's something I've been looking forward to. Having children with you. One day.”

My expression of surprise is quickly replaced with a small smile as I speak.

“You... Really? I-I was just joking but..... I guess that doesn't sound bad...”

“Yes, really. There's no point in dating if we can't see a future together, right?”

“Uh... Yeah. I guess you're right.”

My smile remains as she talks, before a thought suddenly pops into my mind.

“Speaking of children..... How many would you like? You don't have to answer this if you're unsure or uncomfortable, of course.”

“H... How many? Um... 2? 3?”

“Hm... Those seem like reasonable numbers. Is it okay if I ask another question?”

“Mhm.”

I pause before thinking on how to phrase my sentence.

“Do you want to get married when we turn 20 or after college?”

“H-Huh? Wh-When do I want to get married?? Um...”

As she speaks, I notice that her cheeks are a faint pink, leaving me a bit confused.

“Y/N, why are your cheeks—”

“20.”

“Hm?”

I notice her pause for a second before continuing.

“I want to get married when we turn 20.

“Oh, I see.”

I stay silent for a moment, thinking.

“I don't think I've asked this before, but do you have a favorite kind of gem?”

“Huh? Gem, yeah, it's F/G..... Why?”

“F/G.... Hm? Oh, no reason.”

She turns her head around to look at me, slightly suspicious.

“You know, you're not very good at keeping secrets, Toya.”

I blink a few times before chuckling lightly.

“I suppose not.”

“..... So, are you gonna tell me your secret?”

I smile and lean down to kiss her forehead before speaking.

“That's for later.”

Shinonome Akito:

I come back into my room with a snack before taking my phone out to show my music to Y/N.

“Hey, which one did you want to listen to, again?”

I ask absentmindedly, scrolling through my playlist.

“...... What would happen if we had kids one day?”

Her words and her chuckle at the end of her sentence caught me off guard, making my cheeks go pink.

“H-Huh? Children? W-Why are you asking me that all of a sudden? I mean..... If we have them we have them. What's there to ask?”

I stutter as I look away, putting my fist in front of my mouth to regain my composure.

“Wait.... You're serious? I was just joking.”

I give her the half lid eyes and place a hand on my hip as I try to play it cool.

“Of course I'm serious. Do you think I dated you just for fun? What's the point of dating you if we don't have children one day?”

I watch Y/N blink in surprise a few times, as if she wasn't expecting that.

“Don't give me that look.”

“In that case..... How many kids do you want?”

I let out a cough at her question, my cheeks turning pink again.

“Seriously.....”

I mutter to myself, thinking.

“Actually—”

“Two.”

I mumble, embarrassed.

“.... Huh?”

“Two kids.”

“Oh.”

My heart flutters as I watch Y/N's signature smile crawl onto her face, my cheeks only getting pinker.

“So... Um.. Do you... I mean, when do you... Want to get married? I'm just curious, that's all!”

“H-Huh?? M-Married? U-Um... I don't know... When we're 20?”

“Alright, sounds good to me.”

I say nonchalantly, my composure regained.

“.... Really?”

“... Uh yeah? Did you expect me to want to wait longer or something?”

I question, curious as to why she seems surprised.

“Mm.. Nothing...”

“Is that pink I see on your cheeks?”

I tease, my eyes drawn to her cheeks.

“You're one to talk.”

“Shut up.”

No reposts!

[hearts4youz]

The Captains Daughter- Chapter 14

A/N: UGHHHHHH long wait again, im sorry!! just been so busy. I hope to get to publishing faster soon. this one is half assed. im not proud of it at all :( Enjoy chapter 14 yalls!!!

Taglist: @abbiesxox @n30n-j3lly @weird-katthing @kayoyamamegame @kroowonderemporium @astro-ghoul99

Word count: 800

Ghost pov:

Somehow, even deep inside the woods, covered in mud and grime, exhausted and sweaty, Y/N is still the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. Her face when she gets frustrated when we make a wrong turn is so adorable, I think i'm smitten.

There's no denying it at this point, i'm way too far down the rabbit hole.

I've recovered now after being sick last week. Y/N sure helped a lot. I think it was her presence that seemed to magically cure me. I can't stop picturing the hour we spent together, us talking, her taking care of me. It was just so domestic, so far from the violence and horror of the military. I've never pictured myself involved in anything besides the SAS, let alone romance.

Fucking hell, this girl has me wrapped around her finger.

And she doesn't even know it.

Because i'm a cold, composed soldier.

Romance and feelings have no place in my heart.

Well... maybe just for Y/N they do.

My thoughts are shaken by Price giving orders.

"A pilot just radioed, there's enemy choppers on his radar, it's not safe for us all to stick together. Gaz, Ghost, and I will walk east. Soap and Y/N to the north. Keep your eyes peeled for combatants in the area. Remember the goal, find the store of hidden weapons."

A chorus of 'copies' and 'affirmatives' ring through the air. Everyone is calm, but I feel distressed.

Y/N and I are in opposite groups.

How will I protect her?

What if something happens to her?

She'll be with Soap... she should be fine, right?

She'll be with soap.

Alone. Just him and her. In the woods. On a mission.

Jealousy corrupts my mind.

She's not into him... is she?

I take a breath, thankful once again for the mask to hide my pissed expression as our groups spread apart. I resist taking one last glance at Y/N as she walks in the other direction with Soap. I still have to maintain my reserved image. No one can know about this little... crush.

The word makes me feel the need to wash my mouth out.

Crush

It just sounds so unlike me, so soft and boyish. I am a soldier, a big, tough killing machine.

"What's on your mind, Ghost?" Gaz quizzes.

"Ah...um...nothing," I lie.

"Bullshit, you took a day off last week for the first time EVER, and you've been way quieter than normal ever since."

"M' just recovering, bad flu I guess" I say sheepishly.

Gaz sighs. "The Simon Riley I know doesn't take time for recovery, unless hes been SHOT" Gaz rebuttles.

I stay silent.

"I think you've got Y/N on the brain," Gaz says quieter, so the captain wouldn't here us discussing my crush on his daughter.

"What the hell Gaz, that's ludicrous," I try to defend myself.

Gaz continues to talk about my supposed crush on Y/N, I do all I can to deny it, until finally, I give in.

"Okay! Okay! yeah, fine. I'm interested in her." I say quiet enough to not capture the attention of Price, who walks ahead, blissfully unaware of the fact that we are discussing his myself as a possible love interest for his daughter.

Gaz smirks "We all know, by the way."

"Everyone!? even price?"

"Oh hell no, not price. He'd skin you alive."

"I don't blame him, i'm older than Y/N, I look kinda... edgy. I'm not the guy you want around your daughter."

"Hey, maybe he'll come around. He knows you already, you're a protector, a provider. I think that's exactly the kind of guy you want your daughter to date," Gaz tries to reassure me.

"Eh... maybe your right"

"You've just got to ask her out first."

Fuck.

I forgot about that.

*TIMESKIP*

Hours later, we continue to trudge through the woods. Our radios begin to crackle.

Soap's voice comes through the communication device.

"Weapons secured. Send your coordinates, we've radioed for an exfil."

The three of us sigh in relief.

"Alright, were out of here boys." Price says with a smile.

The helicopter touches down in the distance, we jog over to it and hop into the cab. As I hop inside, Y/N offers me a kind smile and moves to sit next to me. I feel my face heat up, thankfully covered by my mask. Soap wiggles his eyebrows at me and gestures towards Y/N while making kissy faces.

Ugh.

but then I look over at her, taking in her (hair color) hair as she gazes at the woods below us. It looks so soft and silky, well maintained and clean. A rarity in the military.

Fucking hell, i've fallen hard.

[akookminsupporter]

It's incredible frustrating to see the narrative shift from " mhj doing illegal shit with hybe having literal proof of it" to " apparently hybe is now in a cult and bts is at the center of it because reasons"?? Mhj dropping names left and right and getting their respective fandoms riled up against each other but more importantly against bts because we all know kpop fans don't care about anything else other than bashing on bts :) we have literal fans of disbanded groups crawling out of holes to try to insert themselves into this whole mess just so they can make a tweet about bts when their groups haven't been active for literal years. Saying bts paid their way to the top but then they kept saying bts will never succeed because they can't even afford to pay their producers.. so which is it :) I've met a lot of people in my life but nobody was as fucking stupid, dense, ignorant and sometimes borderline racist as kpop fans. And I know our fandom does the same and I'm not saying we don't have people like that. But holy fuck. Kpop fans are truly some of the stupidest people on earth.

BTS shouldn't even be in this mess in the first place if it wasn't for mhj name dropping them and admitting that shaman story. It took me a long time to realise that it was indeed a true story and not just some fabricated story because holy fuck who in their right mind does that. We literally had everything from accusing them of every single possible thing that is known to men to bighit going to court for them just because some people can't accept the PAST 10 YEARS. Like these hate campaigns are literally insane and if everyone could just take 5 seconds to think about them, we wouldn't be here: I mean imagine if Taylor swift or Beyonce or Coldplay had to go to court to prove that they didn't do illegal shit. But because it's BTS everyone just dismisses it with "oh they are very famous it's to be expected" and moves on. Meanwhile it's not to be expected and it's literally insane that some people are running these hate campaigns against 7 real life existing literal living breathing people and so many people don't even bat an eye.

Apparently the k-gp is siding with mhj rn because the overworked and tired office workers resonate with her sticking up to her boss - while she's also a literal CEO and reportedly has been horrible to her employees? Okay I guess.

I have my own problems with hybe and bighit and bang pd, I have A LOT of problems with them so I don't want to sound like someone who is siding with the company, but holy fuck can we just get back to the main point? Which is mhj doing illegal shit ?? And leave BTS and le sserafim and seventeen and txt and I don't fucking know who else out of this? I'm not even a fan of any of them and I have half of their fandoms blocked for stupid shit but they have nothing to do with this issue and still get dragged into this.

I sincerely hope bighit sues everyone.

THIS IS CRAZY? And why is BTS ALWAYS THE BAD GUY?! WTF?

Im so fucking tired of Kpoppies 🤬🤬🤬🤬

[loserdiaz]

tagged by the lovely @wikiangela (it's not tuesday for me yet but tomorrow ill be gone all day so im posting now bc why not ksjsjd)

here are some previous snippets: one, two and three and if you interact with this post here, you'll get tagged whenever i publish the fic <333

anyway, more from the witness protection au! 💌

"So, what's your favorite color?"

Eddie turns around, looking at Buck bemusedly. "What?"

"We're married, I guess? I should know some stuff about you."

"And you thought you'd ask about my favorite color?" Eddie turns back to the pancakes— Buck thinks maybe they smell a little burned but he doesn't dare to point that out.

"You can tell a lot about a person by their favorite color." "Like what?" Eddie asks without turning back to face him.

"I don't know." Buck rolls his eyes and lets out an exasperated breath through his nose. "Like, if you say black it's technically a color and that is your favorite, you're probably a psychopath. Or depressed."

Eddie snorts.

"Okay, maybe you can't know a lot about a person by their favorite color." Buck huffs out a weak laugh and leaves the apple to rest on the center of the table. "Still, humor me."

"Mhmm, I don't know." Buck sees the muscle of Eddie's back move under his shirt as he gives a half-hearted shrug. "I guess, blue? I haven't really thought about what my favorite color is."

"Oh, okay. Good to know my husband is boring."

"Your husband just made you breakfast. So, you're welcome."

Buck looks at the pancakes warily— The edges are really, really burned, so bad that they're black and the rest of the pancakes are a dark shade of golden, bordering on brown.

Buck raises an eyebrow at Eddie as his gaze darts back and forth from the man to the food and vice versa.

"Buck, they're fine."

"Are you sure about that, Eddie?"

"Just eat the damn pancakes, man."

and for the people who tagged me on inspiration saturday, here's a moodboard <33

tagging (no pressure): @monsterrae1 @buddierights @cowboy-buddie @cowboy-buck @eddiebabygirldiaz @jeeyuns @transbuck @forthewolves @jesuisici33 @thewolvesof1998 @eddiediaztho @exhuastedpigeon @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @the-likesofus @spotsandsocks @spaceprincessem @911-on-abc @ladydorian05 @daffi-990 @hippolotamus @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @thosetwofirefighters @messyhairdiaz @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @athenagranted @diazblunt @911onabc @housewifebuck @bekkachaos and anyone else who wants to do it!

[coquettluvr]

ajax : heaven and back

"y/n, come to my party tomorrow evening 8 pm, please cutie?"

- ajax

"im busy tomorrow ajax...."

i lied

i lied because, ajax had a crush on me. but i never really felt the same for him and so i had to decline the invite to his party.

i didn't want him to get his hopes high, because breaking a guy's heart, is the last thing i would want to do.....

but just after a while of me declining his invite, i started getting too many messages.....all at once.

"y/n, why would u decline?" - diluc.

"y/n, don't be so stubborn pls. im sure we'd have fun" - dehya.

"y/n? parties are fun no? i'll pick you up and drop you okay?" - kaeya.

"y/n, ajax is rich. we'd have so much fun, now come on, reschedule your plans" - alhaitham.

ugh. this is why i hate popular guys. they get away with everything. ajax must have asked them to convince me and now everyone is asking me to come to the party.....but i know for a fact that ajax will roam around me and irritate me there by asking me questions.....

i didn't want to go but so many of my friends were requesting me to the point that i couldn't deny.....

and i did feel like i needed a moment to relax myself from the work stress ive been dealing with. maybe going to the party isn't so much of a bad idea i guess?

i take my phone to text ajax even though my heart denied.

"hey ajax....im coming to your party" - me

"sure cutie" - ajax

time skip, tomorrow 5:30 pm

"y/n, what are you wearing tonight? - ajax

"ummm i was thinking of maybe wearing a black slip dress?"

"oh? then i would wear a black suit for you so that we could match eachother, cutie" - ajax.

🎀

after about half an hour, kaeya rings up my door bell and allows me in his car to go to ajax's venue and we arrive there together

"heyyyy y/nnie!!!" ajax exclaimed in an excited tone and allowed me to follow him to take a look around his new house.

after a while of me praising his house interior and room decor, i heard Jean calling us around to play a game of truth and dare.

And honestly, i enjoyed that game a lot but.....i knew that ajax was here as well and i would probably get teased by his name constantly. but honestly, i let that slide because i needed to relax myself by this party and not ruin anyone's mood....

but who knew this party could get wayyyy tooooo relaxing?

"21! oh me? awh okay i choose dare" i said....knowing that this dare would not be easy at all, but....i liked to take risks soooo why not ?

"okay y/n, if u could choose one boy from this room to fuck with, who would you choose?" kaeya asks

but as soon as he asked this, alhaitham was quick to correct him "hey kaeya, she chose dare, not truth"

and that's when i knew that i messed up by choosing dare.

and then, amber moves forward and says

"okay, y/n i dare you to have

seven minutes of heaven with ajax

WHAT.

"its a dareee, you have to do it" "comeonnn y/n u gotta do this" "ajax is prob hard rn by thinking of it haha" "it's a dare, u have to follow the rules" "u can't back off now y/n"

everyone starts chanting the same words with the repeated meaning

i think to myself, can they all shut up?

i refused to have those "seven minutes" with ajax, but honestly....rules are rules right? i had to follow them considering the fact that others accepted their dares too.....

ajax holds my hand and we both go into his room together and we could feel the tension building up between us....

"y/n uh i don't know what to say- honestly if you are uncomfortable with the dare, then we can just refuse........orrr if you would like to atleast try being with me? please y/n? ive had a crush on you for so long and i just wish we could get together one day.

if my love is true, then we will"

i could feel ajax sliding his hands around my waist and holding my neck with his other hand.

he pins me up against the wall and starts leaning in closer towards me. i could feel the adrenaline rushing as i wanted to feel his lips on mine so badly....i never thought i could feel this way for ajax but maybe.....maybe his love was true and i could feel it between us, just like he said.

and then. our lips intertwined

his soft lips with his rough kisses really turned me on, too much. and maybe. maybe. in this moment, all i wanted was ajax. and it did feel like "heaven" right now.

the kissing gets more intense as our tongues play with eachother by intertwining and sucking eachother's lips.....

and as our time was running out, his kisses were getting deeper and deeper, and so, my moans were getting louder.

ajax goes lower, towards my neck and starts giving his love bites

"agh- ngh ajax- ah" i moan.

"i can't stop now, y/n...not because i have to complete the dare, but because i can't let go of you and im not in the state to ever let go of you. i love you and these loves bites are a sign of me being yours"

and that's when i realised that ajax is kind of just like my type......dominative and rough actions....but with soft words. i love such men.

and i couldn't deny that i was catching feelings for ajax right now at this moment....

he starts to move his lips towards my chest, and then, he slips my dress's strap and my boobs which were covered with my black lace bra were clearly visible to him.

i could see ajax's erection down there...

he places my one hand on my boobs and starts to kiss and suck it. he then starts to suck my nipples which made me moan because he was getting even more rough and more intense.

ajax couldn't control it anymore and so, he starts to take off his belt and unbutton his pants.....

his dick...i loved his light brown creamy base with lightish pink tip so much. i wanted leave my kiss marks imprint on it.

"get down on your knees y/n" he said in a deep breathy but in a needy voice.

and so. i did.

i lick his tip and kiss it at first which makes him moan loudly in pleasure.

"agh- y/n....i missed you so much."

"aghhh uhmmm mmm y/n, uhh mmh continue it"

i move his dick back and forth before taking it in my mouth and then, after that, i start to suck it.

i take it in my mouth and he lets out soft deep moans...

his moans are so good it's turning me on so badly.

i lick, suck and kiss his dick continuously until our "seven minutes" were over.

he moans loudy "aghh y/n stop omg this agh- uh- mgh- ngh"

his hot cummage was in my mouth and he forced me to swallow it whole

before putting his pants back up, he slid his hands inside my skirt and he kept moving it further upward until he could feel my pussy. he starts to rub on my clit while i moan and enjoy the feeling of it, a little too much.

he continues rubbing it and satisfying me until i reach my limit....i moan and beg for him to stop

"ngh mmh ajax ah-"

these past seven minutes really felt like heaven for both of us

and then. we share one more kiss after it.

"i love you so much y/n. can i be yours now?"

"i love you more ajax, im all yours now"

[spopsalt]

I found all of these on Pinterest TODAY. And I’m only gonna be able to unpack SOME of them.

“Better than the rest of the female population”? Jfc, did whoever make that one hate women or something? Because Catra is the lowest bar for a person. Not even a bar, that chick is the fucking floor.

I don’t even understand what the Jesus one is trying to say. But I don’t think I want to. Im pretty sure whoever made that is susceptible to falling into a cult. Which is fair, since this fandom essentially is one.

“We wants S4 Catra.” First off, I feel like they’re specifically saying S4 bc thats the season most people agree she’s legal. Second, that’s literally Catra ar her worse. Look, I understand liking villains. Im a simp for villain characters. But something tells me the type of person who made that meme doesn’t understand liking a villain and acknowledging they’re a villain. They probably think S4 is the best because she’s ‘Mommy’ or whatever, and would probably defend everything she did in that season and pretend she wasn’t a villain, without realizing S4 Catra (Every Catra really) would literally let someone die for being an inconvenience, try to murder suicide someone to prove a point, send someone to a death prison for saying no, and would essentially rip out someone’s pacemaker for a laugh. Yes, the perfect partner. 😒

“Why can’t Catra be real?” Well… Catra specifically doesn’t. But people like her do. Most of them are war criminals, dictators, politicians, mass murderers, abusers, ableists, rapists, people in positions of power, in jail, the type of person to hit someone for talking back, single for a reason, you get the idea. So, in short whoever is out here simping for Catra hopefully realizes the difference between reality and fiction when having a crush. And if they don’t, they need help. I’m not even getting into the fact about half of these are her as a minor (if not all of them.)

Btw, I’m not saying anyone who relates to Catra is a bad person like what I listed. You can relate to her and not actually be like her. But I think most if the toxic stans who ‘want someone like Catra’ are in it for the wrong reasons. I. E. ‘Mommy-dom Cat-girl UWU Catra’ which is literally just an abuser who has probably murdered a lot of people.

Exactly thank you! There's a disturbing amount of Catra simps and as a pansexual I can confirm I never simped for Catra (Or any fictional character if I'm honest) I mean I guess I could see why someone would due to some people simping for villain characters (For example I know a LARGE amount of the Rick and Morty Fandom want to smash Rick, there's literally an account dedicated to it) but I still don't get it. Whatever.

Also they should be happy that Catra isn't real because Catra would be in prison. Also who wants to be the Catra to my Adora...you mean who wants to be the abuser to my victim? I'm so incredibly distributed by Catra fans

[liloinkoink]

*runs into inbox clothes burning and disheveled* LAMPLIGHT QUESTIONS??? YOU WANT LAMPLIGHT QUESTIONS??? (i think you made that post like four days ago so i'm late but aaaaaaaa)

what do you think is like, The Turning Point in Martyn and Ren's companionship? Or if there's more than one already written, what's your favorite?

Is there a scene that you've really been excited to write for lamplight/one that you've written but haven't shown The Public yet?

In his original party, were there like, designated roles for everyone to play? Like healer/brawler/short-range/scholar etc? If so, what role do you think Martyn specialized in? And everyone else? Is there anything you would say lamplight Martyn is good at--- like a skill or something? Also, how long had the group been together before that incident at Dogwarts?

From what I can remember, Ren and Scar are the only Gods we've seen so far--- do you have an idea of any other familiar faces that are also Gods?

Do you have any other world-building details you wanna talk about? Any Martyn or Ren thoughts that you've been wanting to talk about?

Sorry if this is too many questions, you don't have to answer all of them! Give as vague answers as you please--- honestly, anything you say about the lamplight world i Will Chew Up Like Dog Toy, so put whatever you want!

Regardless, thank you for your writing and all your efforts! I hope you have a nice day ^_^

okay this is a massive ask with so many questions in it, so im gonna repeat/bold each question and deal w em one by one

i will put this under a cut bc it is So Long. below this cut is SO MUCH lamplight worldbuilding, like, So Much, so i hope you enjoy that

what do you think is like, The Turning Point in Martyn and Ren's companionship? Or if there's more than one already written, what's your favorite?

turning point... i guess it depends how you define a turning point? any point of development in their relationship? there's been a few--heliography, with Martyn deciding to swear a real oath to Ren (if still one he can back out of); sleeping hound, w Martyn realizing Ren wouldnt ever burn him; worship the ashes, love wins. there's another big one for Martyn planned that i havent written yet, and one, maybe two or three for Ren.

my favorite, tho, hmm... i think sleeping hound.

Is there a scene that you've really been excited to write for lamplight/one that you've written but haven't shown The Public yet?

i planned the scene for how Ren gets his body back literally day one of the damn fic and i still havent written it a year later i want to SO BAD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

literally this one fuckign scene is part of the reason i STARTED WRITING THE DAMN FIC. crying

for the latter half, i posted this!

In his original party, were there like, designated roles for everyone to play? Like healer/brawler/short-range/scholar etc? If so, what role do you think Martyn specialized in? And everyone else?

i get so many questions abt martyns og party you think after a year i would have answers to them but my answer is unfortunately always that i am a treebark writer making a treebark au and it isnt relevant to ren and martyn doing ren and martyn things so i didnt really bother

that said! i dont think they necessarily had roles? they all strike me as pretty mid-level adventurers. theyre not chosen ones on holy quests. none of them are going to have songs sung about them for decades to come. they can hold their own, but they arent saving the world. theyre like,,, fantasy backpacking. doing some minor jobs sometimes. all of em are skilled enough w their weapons/magic but none of em are like, The Fighter or The Mage.

all of them are swordsmen tho bc i think swords are cool. i think Jimmy is better at it than you think he is, but not as good as he says. he will occasionally surprise you by doing something really cool and then when he turns around to brag about it he eats shit. jimmys magic really only affects the area immediately around himself

i asked local to weigh in on bigb bc thats who im least confident on and he suggested bigb using a fighting style that heavily relies on a shield? like sword in one hand shield in the other. i think thats very sick. also, bigbs magic only affects his own body

i can see Grian having some kinda little explosives he uses to fight, tho he clearly doesnt have them anymore (and doesnt need em--bro has talons these days). he used to be immune to magic, but bc of the watchers, he now has a magical core and can be cast on, which is new to him

their group didnt have a leader, either, and all decisions were just made as a group. if asked, both Martyn and Jimmy would say they were the leader (tho neither would boast this anymore, due to believing that would imply having lead Grian to his death). Grian used to handle their money (and hes annoyed about having lost it)

Is there anything you would say lamplight Martyn is good at--- like a skill or something?

he's a musician! it's come up a few times, but he's skilled in a few instruments and has a nice singing voice. hes played a lute on page, i believe, but i think he could also use a harmonica. dont worry abt whether or not those have been invented yet i dont care i just think he deserves one. probs knows a fair amount of songs thatre good in taverns and some dances that accompany them. if he ever got tired of adventuring, he could probs make a fair amount playing at bars (he'd probs do it to fundraise for himself if he didnt have to worry abt ren's lantern)

he's also a pretty decent cook. at least, Ren really likes his cooking, when he has a body again, tho Ren hasnt eaten anything in 20 years

he's generally pretty strong/fit w good stamina to walk all day long. when Ren has a body again, Martyn will be strong enough to lift him, even tho Ren is not much shorter/smaller than him. Ren finds this incredibly impressive. Ren finds everything Martyn does incredibly impressive

of course, there's also being a deadzone, making him completely immune to magic (within reason--if someone casts fireball at him hes still going to burn). charms and curses dont work on him at all, which is very helpful as an adventurer

Also, how long had the group been together before that incident at Dogwarts?

jimmy, grian, and martyn were childhood friends, all lived in the same town/neighborhood (Evo) and grew up together. bigb moved to their hometown/neighborhood when Dogwarts fell, he was about 10? theyve been friends ever since. so theyve known each other about 20 years minimum

(note on ages: i dont know how old any of these people actually are so in lamplight theyre all like early 30s. pretty sure grian and jimmy are like late 20s? and bigb and martyn are somewhere in their 30s? so i set em all as early 30s)

barely related, it does make me laugh Dogwarts has Watchers and Evo doesnt

From what I can remember, Ren and Scar are the only Gods we've seen so far--- do you have an idea of any other familiar faces that are also Gods?

the answer to this is uh. kind of long and a little bit hysterical. so ill first direct you to this paragraph from moonlight ch2

i did actually have uh... a few things in mind for this? but not uh. not reasonable ones

so. quite a few of them. ill be honest. to fill the paragraph and make it long and expansive i recounted the pantheon from a zolu fic abt the entire strawhat pirate crew as gods which i wrote w my friend Sam when i was like 16. i do not think the strawhat pantheon is canon to lamplight but recalling the domains i used for the strawhats was how i made a lot of the list, so, uh, take that as you will

for other characters... the god of nothing is Scar. the god of death is Kristin. the god of blood is... not Technoblade, actually? tho ive thought abt him in Lamplight. i like to think he may actually also be a paladin, he travels around w Phil. gods of places references Ren but also is a shoutout specifically to my friend Zeph who loves place gods, so i just wanted the world to have lots of them

the god of survival is actually Martyn! in leaflight, the roleswap, Martyn has long since abandoned his post as a god, but he was born the god of survival

.....oh and uh. well. the god of decay is... me! my mcrp character on another server is the god of decay. the secret truth about this specific paragraph is i wrote the entire thing so i could make a cameo in lamplight

Do you have any other world-building details you wanna talk about?

magic system... have i told you guys about magical cores? i had some of this already in mind but typing it out i made up a lot more. it is also approaching 1am so if this doesnt make any sense that's why

every person in lamplight has a magical core. it's sort of like a,,, spiritual organ? a little core of magic in them which takes magic from the air and makes it usable for an individual. cores vary in size/reserve, which is how much magic a person can do at max / how much magic their core can store. they also vary in type/strength of magic, which i guess is what a person's core processes ambient magic as

people can usually only use one kind of magic, which corresponds to what their core is. i think the type of magic is mostly determined by what/who it works on. it might work on just you and the space around you, it might work on just objects, it might work on animals, it might work on other people. magic which works on just yourself is most common and weakest, and the majority of people have that

deadzones dont have a magical core At All. theres nothing in there. straight up missing an organ. most deadzones are born this way, but i can see it be possible to become one if you Really, REALLY exhaust your core, tho that's probs rare

casting a spell depends entirely on belief. if you believe it should work, and are confident in your spell, it should do what you want, esp if it's in your power. you can... probs push your limits a bit if youre super confident, and doing this enough with enough confidence is basically the closest thing to training one's magic a person can get?

related, i can see bc of this kids having magic thats just a little stronger than adults bc of this, which is cute. kids probs also have smaller cores w smaller reserves, tho im not sure how much a core grows as a person ages

inanimate objects dont have magical cores or innate magic. i said earlier i think the lamplight world has a lot of ambient magic just floating about (which is how cores refill back to baseline once you use magic), but it doesnt stick to things unless you make it. to cast on an object, you have to use magic from your own core to adhere it to the thing youre casting on (which is why spells casted on objects dont USUALLY last that long--as said in moonlight, most only last a short while, and ren's enchants only lasted for months is just bc he was insanely powerful). you basically give items a little piece of your core with an instruction of how to use it

(jimmy's magic i think affects himself and ambient magic around him, while bigb draws entirely on his own core and can only affect himself)

i dont know if animals have magical cores ive never thought about it until this exact second. probably, but not ones most creatures know how to use? magic is belief based, they might use magic a little bit on accident? i dont know. some monsters absolutely have magical cores they know how to use

this is probs how zombies work. i think it's either a curse cast by one very powerful god/magic user a long time ago, or that people need to be properly buried or else weird things happen to their lingering magical core. or smth. i havent entirely decided

to cast on a person, you need to get your magic to stick to, cover up, or drown out Their magical core, depending on the spell. spells cast on other people dont last very long bc magical cores dont tend to like things intruding on them. this is why deadzones cant be cast on--no core, nothing for other magic to stick to

it's a little bit like a sliding scale? "weakest" magic is yourself, it's easiest to cast on yourself bc your will is your own and should generally line up w your magic, so long as you believe in what you're doing. then ambient magic, bc it's just chillin, you just need a little extra strength to grab it. then objects, tho you have to share a little will to cast on objects. then animals, they usually have smaller magical cores than ppl, friendly animals are a bit easier to bend to your will, tho some animals are harder to cast on then others, esp hostile animals or monsters. then other people. people have their own will and their own cores that are most difficult to bend/influence. so magic that works on other ppl is the "strongest"

being able to cast on a later step on the scale, like animals or ppl, doesnt mean you can do all the steps before it, tho. Scar i think can ONLY cast on living things, his magic sorta specializes in sticking to other ppls' cores. i would imagine all magic users can cast on themselves at least a little tho

to cast on a deadzone, you have to first give them a magical core, which is incredibly difficult, unstable, and dangerous. it requires a lot of power and a lot of people, which is why it did such weird things to Grian

divine magical cores are on another level entirely compared to mortals, and tho ren's was impressive as a human, it got infinitely more powerful when he became a god. he's basically a well of magic all on his own, w no limit on the size/reserve of his core

ren is overflowing w magic, but it works only on inanimate objects (things that dont have wills of their own to fight his) and himself (obviously he doesnt have to fight his own will). if Martyn werent a deadzone, he could probablt have cast on late-series Martyn, as martyn's will as ren's paladin would probs line up w ren's own

none of these rules are super hard and set in stone. lamplight magic is vibe based first and foremost

uhhh. i dont know if this all made sense? if it doesnt feel free to ask follow up questions

oh, and before anyone asks:

jimmy has a slightly more powerful core than bigb bc he can cast on ambient magic and bigb cant. bigb's core is probs bigger than jimmy's tho, so he can use more magic / use magic for longer than jimmy can

Any Martyn or Ren thoughts that you've been wanting to talk about?

heres a fun fact: gods are supposed to give their paladins blessings. Ren is no exception to this, but bc Martyn has no magical core, he cant receive them. if he did, ren's blessings would be all about protection. it'd basically be like casting armor enchants like protection and unbreaking directly on martyn's body? he'd less likely to be directly injured and sturdier in general. he would also be completely resistant to any fire, not just ren.

(the thing i said earlier is sort of why blessings work for Ren despite the fact hes technically mortal, but for other gods blessings are automatic so long as the paladin's oath stands)

Ren is aware of the fact he should be able to bless Martyn and cant and is sort of upset about it, but he blessed his armor, so he thinks thatll have to be enough

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for talking bad about a friend to a group of mutual friends?

I (21f at the time) became friends with a woman (31f) due to work. We both started at the same time and felt on the outs. She ended up becoming "friends" with a ton of people there, only to call me on her drive home and talk shit about them. I don't do that fake stuff, I'll be nice and polite and cordial but im not going to talk outside of work.

Anyways, me and this woman, Nancy I'll call her, were friends. I had just turned 21 and she made it a point to get me to have my first drink. It was fine, didn't really like the taste of it but I wanted to fit in. I got drunk but she let me stay at her place no big deal.

Throughout the next year I noticed things were...weird. I should have clued in when she talked crap about other people to me but would talk to them and agree to make plans (she never would follow through).

She started asking me my sexuality. Always. Talking. About. It. She kept claiming I was repressed and I needed to embrace myself, how she would be proud of me. Except the one time I finally told her the truth, I was on the asexual spectrum, she laughed in my face and told me I had something wrong with me.

She then claimed it was because I hadn't experienced sex yet- or had i? That became her next obsession. Virgin, not virgin, half virgin (her words idk). She would constantly ask, even bringing it up in front of other people. It was embarrassing, even if there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

When I say obsessed about these things I mean EVERY TIME we met up outside of work she would bring these topics up (once a week). For almost a year.

There were other small things but I thought I was just being petty or insecure or something. But then the incident occurred. I was at her house and someone we knew was also there. He touched me non-consensually and didn't stop when I made it clear I wanted him to. He would have done more if he could, there was not a doubt in my mind. I was able to get out and get in a different room and lock the door, which he tried to open.

The issue was she knew he liked me. I had just found out that night. She kept encouraging me to drink and I did. I dont blame her for me drinking, that was my fault. I do blame her for leaving me alone with him when she knew I was uncomfortable being around him after he kept flirting with me. I was so drunk I couldn't stand up and she left me.

But she had also drank and I was going to say it was just because of that. Until a week later she got mad at me for kicking the guy out of her house (which I didnt do but I guess he claims i did). She looked me in the eyes and said it would have been my fault if he died cause he also had been drinking. I told her I didn't tell him to leave nor did I kick him out. She said that he said I did. I personally didn't care if he claimed I did because I didn't do that, she should believe me as her friend, and I quote "I literally just left as soon as possible because he groped me".

She looked me in the eyes and told me "I don't care if he raped you, he was drunk and it was my house, you had no right to kick him out".

Again, I didnt kick him out. I did tell him he could stay or leave and I didnt give a shit, but I never told him he had to (even if I WANTED him to).

I was obviously very perturbed by this. I stopped being her friend. I did bring it up once a year later when she reached out and wanted to amend things. She took no responsibility for what she said, claimed I was being insensitive. When I asked her how she thought I felt, she claimed she was a recovering alcoholic and had been drinking that entire time and wasn't thinking straight.

Which I could understand for some things she said or did, but what about when she was sober?

I quit being her friend. A few months back, I was hanging out with 2 mutual friends and a girl I had never met. We all were laughing and having a good time, no drinks involved (ever since that night I haven't drank). One of my friends mentioned Nancy and how we should invite her. I made a face and they asked why. I simply said we weren't friends anymore. They kept pressuring me and wouldn't drop the subject.

I finally told them. I said, and I quote because I remember it VERY clearly, "We aren't friends because she's a despicable person. I was groped and she told me she wouldn't have cared if I was raped. She also wouldn't shut the fuck up about my sexuality and my status of virginity, whether I was or wasn't."

The one girl I hadn't met had gasped and comforted me. The other two was shocked but then shared a few things Nancy had done to them. I felt a lil better knowing that these people also felt bad and it wasn't all in my head like Nancy had claimed.

Well, I just got a message from Nancy. Turns out, that girl worked with her now. Nancy was trying to get a promotion and that girl was actually her supervisor. She was denied a promotion based on her actions. The girl used plenty of examples, none that could quite come back to me and almost all related to work i found out. But I guess one of our mutual friends told her I had mentioned something because she knew. She said it was my fault she didn't get the promotion. She then told me that she was struggling with a newborn and how this would have helped a lot and now the newborn may suffer.

I feel bad for the baby as the baby has nothing to do with the parent. I didnt know when I mentioned what happened to the girl that it would cost her a promotion. I feel sick to my stomach thinking that I did the one thing she did that made me mad, be friends to their face but talk shit behind their back.

I have been banned from the company under Nancy's order apparently, which is fine I can go elsewhere it was just nice seeing people I worked with previously. But now everyone knows something went down. Nancy and her fiance are really coming at me for their troubles and I feel terrible. St the time I didnt think I was the asshole but I dont know now. Should I apologize?

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[ishouldgetadiary]

there are definitely cleverer people to discuss this at length than me and there are probably people who already have and come to the same or better conclusions, but i do just want to say that an aspect of kim kitsuragi i can't get over is his disconnect from being seolite (outside of the racism). i don't know, it's very important to have asian characters with strong cultural ties who have that culture accurately expressed through their character/stories and i do love those characters, but it's somewhat rarer to see the alternative (at least, when race and culture is acknowledged at all), let alone it being a point of pride for them, the same way it is for kim. all of this to say, i feel haunted by what he says when you ask him about his heritage.

i didnt ask him about it on my first run (because i found the way the question is initially asked to be kinda rude and i was afraid of if it'd make him like me less, lol) but i did in my current replay and the way he dances around the topic, 'i'm half seolite, well technically, my parents were both quarter, i guess you could also say im quarter, i don't know the language or culture and i've only lived in revachol', it fucks me up so bad! first is how you can tell it's mostly a defensive tactic for him, at least when he starts the rant— somebody asks about the race thing? deflect. i'm only half. i don't even know the language. i'm not one of those seolites. second is how he loosens into pride when he realises/remembers that harry isn't asking to be racist, he is genuinely having trouble remembering that the concept of race exists, but also because it lets kim kinda show that it is something to be prideful about in revachol.

dont get me wrong— i think kim kitsuragi is genuinely proud of being as revacholian as anyone else. he loves revachol. i dont think he’d go along with harry so easily on random side quests or have opinions on if harry helps or hinders the people of martinaise if he actually didnt care. i dont even know he’d still be a cop or (more accurately) be one for as long as he has been, especially when he’s spent most of it as a juvie officer, if he didnt believe in revachol. it’s people, what it is, and what the country could be. people like to take his position as a police officer as just his way of feeling a sense of power in a post revolutionary (khm. and racist) world that has never had the space for him or his dreams, but kim is more three dimensional than that. ESPECIALLY when there are ways that being a cop gives him less power than regular citizens in revachol. he likes, wants, and believes in both, and that’s not necessarily hypocritical. in the same way, i dont think it’s at all hypocritical that his pride is rooted in both his love for revachol AND the way white supremacy has impacted him. because yk, when he’s proud about his lack of connection to his heritage, it’s not just his love for revachol speaking, it’s also the disdain that we, the player, hear for seolite people (at least what we hear from or related to kim).

that all being said, i dont consider that to be a terribly complex thought at all— real life people are complicated and multifaceted, so kim kitsuragi is written to also be complicated and multifaceted. in disco elysium, the writers are never worried about presenting the world in a better or worse way than it already is. yes, it is definitely a heightened version of our reality, but it also presents everything as direct as possible. case example would be the racist lorry driver in what he says versus how he’s presented. in that very first interaction when kim confronts him and harry catches up on what just happened, he denies and hides in the same way a lot of people deny and hide that they are being racist, but you, the player, cannot avoid or pretend he isnt being racist, because it is literally in his name. you are not given the grace of real life where there is the option of either the benefit of the doubt or genuinely questioning your own assessment. despite all of that, ultimately, it is still haunting for that early kim question to be so reminiscent of what i see in real life.

in the example of a shorter ramble, kim's own ramble weirdly reminds me of myself, but in the opposite direction. i very easily and quickly tumble into word vomit and over-detail my heritage just to make it make sense that my name isnt white. and i'm not gonna boohoo over my own personal situation at all when i know i benefit from white supremacy, but i hate that ultimately, white supremacy ‘won’ when it comes to 'me'. because just like kim kitsuragi, i don't know a language that isn't english, i dont know a different culture, and i've only lived in my predominantly white country.

but a more apt comparison is my own father. a man who’s internalised shame cant even allow him to comprehend why somebody white would want a tan, because he’s always been at least a little tan, and that’s part of what ‘clocks’ him as not fully white, who does try to connect with his mother’s culture, but just kind of ended up with only odd bits and pieces of it and the language, because it was something that would’ve just made life harder than it should be, and despite everything, he’ll still do things like dunk on chinese people. there may be more to say, but you get the gist. and yet somehow none of it has quite reaches the point where he can recognise it in himself. because he knows racism and white supremacy is bad and he’s obviously against it, but it is hard to acknowledge that it is greater than just the lorry drivers and measureheads of the world. because we live with the consequences and the rot of white supremacy within us. assimilation has done it's job to it's logical conclusion.

… and yet it is a limbo, and a hollow one at that. regardless of how white i am, i still dont fully relate to my fully white peers, because there are ways in which i dont share in their accepted shared experiences. my father has never felt accepted in either club, ‘too japanese for white australians and too australian for japanese people’ (can you believe that disco elysium was almost banned from my country)! our fully white peers will never know what it’s like to be able to look at the face of a complete stranger of a different race and see family. to see their aunts, or grandparents, or parents.

but kim kitsuragi talks of that limbo with pride. he may never feel a true sense of community with either white people or other seolites, and this is something his brain seems to choose not to fully acknowledge, even though he definitely feels it. and really, it’s haunting in the same way i find both my father’s and my involvement in society disconcerting. the truth that, in spite of where white supremacy and assimilation can get you, you will never truly achieve the community or peace of mind there is in ignorance.

despite all that, on a brighter note, i do think that in terms of what kim truly likes harry for and what gains his trust in him is the choice for harry to be that sense of community he needs. (if i am remembering right) kim will only really trust you if you chose to defend him from the several racists you’ll encounter and make jokes at their expense with him, because it’s highly HIGHLY unlikely that barely anybody goes through that effort for him. even when it’s pretty clear that the writers were going for humorous ‘haha, white guy trying his best to be an ally’ dialogue choices, kim himself doesnt really show that he finds it obnoxious or unwanted, it’s genuinely something he would rarely get other rcm members even though that is the community he’s definitely and wholly part of.

anyways i have no idea if this post made any sense or if im really wrong (i could be!) because it came from a more personal place than maybe typical character analysis but whatever