#but i dont know enough nor do i really want to know enough to form an opinion on this

[disabled-stuck]

Hey, just saying that plural-stuck supports endos, which are very harmful to real systems and also completely made up by the internet. It's the same as a perfectly abled person buying a wheelchair just because they like riding around in it. Please reconsider supporting and promoing them, as this behavior is really harmful towards Actual systems :(

please read my pinned post! but to elaborate:

i myself am a part of a traumagenic system, and i pointedly do not have an opinion on syscourse.

i'm promoing them because i figure some of the followers of this blog would want to see their content.

i want to emphasize i dont have an opinion on system discourse. i have my doubts on the existence of endogenic systems, but i'm also hesitant to entirely dismiss their possible existence. i won't ever form an opinion on them because i honestly just do not find it that pressing of an issue.

i apologise if this comes off as dismissive or if the phrasing is weird, and i acknowledge that this might change some people's opinions of me!!! its just a topic i dont know enough about

[rouge-the-bat]

i really do wonder what ppl who tout the "non-men loving non-men" definition of lesbian think about multigender people. do they EVER consider us? even a tiny bit? bc it certainly doesnt feel like it. it feels like any one of these situations:

they already dont think being multigender is a thing, and say shit like "you can only be a man, a woman, or nonbinary, not all of the above."

they quite literally dont think about how multigender people would work in relation to sexuality. they may claim to support us, but they dont pay attention to or care about the fact our gender identity ISNT just an isolated thing that has no affect or connection to anything else about us.

they look at my gender (genderfluid between woman, man, and many forms of nonbinary, more oftentimes a mix), and say oh well youre PARTIALLY a man in some way so that means you cant be a lesbian! so, basically my man-ness just "taints" me and negates the fact that im also a woman and nonbinary? what about the days where my genderfluidity contains no bit of man at all? can i only be a lesbian SOMETIMES?

they yell about non-men all they want, but see my gender and go, "oh not YOU though :) i mean people who are ONLY a man!" and not realize how that is 1. them not saying at all what they mean in their definition if still SOME men are okay and 2. extremely comes across as misgendering and that they dont see me as Actually a man if im not mono-gendered, regardless of their intention. if you are going to categorize people as "men or non-men" and try to fit me in only one or the other, you are misgendering me no matter what. non-men is not the same thing as non-mono-gendered-men.

and all of this also makes me wonder: what would these people think if they saw me in person, holding hands with my girlfriend?

for context: transmeds would 100% consider me a faker not only bc im genderfluid, use any pronouns (esp neos), and am without dysphoria (for gender anyways), but because theyd think im just cis. im afab with no hormone changes or surgery, nor do i want any (my ideal genitals being a dick or barbie-doll-smooth aside, since i dont care enough to do surgery about it, and any of my other gender ideals would require shapeshifting), i like my big boobs, AND im femme. my fat even adds to my curves. most people would probably read me as only a girl and not think twice about it, esp if im dressing up as femme as i like being at the time.

so, if these people shouting "non-men loving non-men" at those like me all the time ended up seeing me irl, what would they think? would they see im extremely femme and read as a girl while holding hands with my girlfriend (who isnt femme but still is easily read as a girl) and think oh yeah, thats a lesbian right there? because a huge part of me says that they absolutely would have no issue with it

who knows if anyone who swears up and down by the "non-men loving non-men" definition will actually read this, but i REALLY wish more people would actually hear out multigender folks and see how definitions like this are incompatible with us. think about how our identity doesnt exist in a vacuum. realize that plenty of us ARE lesbians no matter what anyone else says, and we do not abide to your """inclusive""" definition that actually doesnt consider our existence at all.

or at least realize identity labels dont have a one-size-fits-all definition in the vastness of queer experiences, that people are going to have definitions for things that are different from yours, and you dont hold the One True Right Definition. realize that definitions are not rules that are placed upon words, theyre explanations for how these words are being used across the world, through time, and vary from person, place, and time. definitions are fluid, not static, and many words have multiple definitions.

[youkeepmehigh]

Hi i heard your requests are open? I was wondering What would happen if an f reader laid their head ghost's or könig's (your choice I have no clue who to choose) shoulder? So when you first joined 141 or kortac they were distant, hesitant whether or not you were reliable for the team or even trustworthy for that matter. (This was their excuse) even though they do care about you but dont want to admit it because they don't want to get hurt if you are KIA. But when you are paired on a mission and they get wounded and you run back for them they are grateful but don't say anything because they didn't want you to go back. You both find an abandoned shed or something along that line to and you laid your head on their shoulder and ask, "why don't you ever talk to me? Do you not like me?" They turn to mush. (Tried to make this as short as possible while also giving enough details for the writers block) I love the way you writing btw, really don't understand how you don't have more followers. Like seriously i don't.

I decided I’ll do both because why not? And I’m glad you like my stuff it’s always nice to know that someone likes it!^^

Angel

Ghost:

He was rather surprised when you came back for him, in the moment he was mad at himself for getting shot especially when on a mission with you and he honestly would’ve understood if you left him to die but you didn’t, he couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for how he’d been treating you since you joined 141.

When you both made it to the shed you helped him sit down on the floor and then sat next to him, he rested his back on the wall and covered his wound. You sighed and for a moment you both just sat in silence, the tension was very intense. “ Why’d you go back for me? ” he asked breaking the silence, you looked over at him. “ It would have bothered me for a long time if I hadn’t. ” you said looking down at his wound for a second. He simply hummed acknowledging your response.

You both went back to sitting in silence again this time is was a little less intense, the only thing that could be heard was your breathing, you both stayed like that for a while before you broke the silence. “ Why don’t you like me? ” you asked looking at him for a response.

He looked over at you and he’d be lying if he said when he looked in your eyes he didn’t feel like a total jackass. “ I don’t dislike you nor do I like you, I’m just not good with new people if I’m being honest. ” he said looking at the puzzled look on your face. “ I wasn’t sure if you could be a good asset to the team, didn’t even know if you could be trusted either. ” he said looking up at the ceiling, you let everything he said register before saying something else.

“ How about now? ” you asked him feeling a bit better now that you knew why he acted so weird around you. “ You want my honest opinion? ” he asked glancing over at you, you nodded your head. “ You’re an angel, you didn’t let the way I treated you get to your head during the mission, you’ll be great for our team, maybe even better than me. ” he said softly he knew that if you hadn’t came back for him he most likely wouldn’t have survived out there very long.

A small smile formed on your face, that’s probably the nicest thing you’ve heard him say since you joined 141. “ Good to know. ” you said. The silence this time was almost comforting, the tension no longer existed, you both stayed quiet deciding to just enjoy each other’s presence. After a few minutes Ghost felt a weight on his shoulder, he looked over and saw you had dozed off, he examined all your features taking them all in, he never seen you this close up before you looked so at peace even if he wanted to wake you up he wouldn’t. He stayed up until the rest of the team came to find you both and when he got bored he’d look at you wondering how your relationship would go from now.

König:

König was grateful that you came back for him, a part of him wished you didn’t put yourself in harm’s way for him but he wasn’t going to complain. He had a big feeling of guilt in his heart but he didn’t really know what to say, you both sat in the shed silent the only thing filling the silence was the faint sound of rain outside.

“ Do you not like me or something? ” You asked him, he was hoping you wouldn’t ask that because he wasn’t quite sure himself. “ What makes you think I don’t like you? ” he asked when in reality he knew why just was afraid to admit it. “ You seem really distant, you only talk to me when you have to. ” you said in a rather sad tone, you had recently joined kortac so you didn’t think you even had the time to do something to make him not like you. The feeling of guilt grew larger heard the slightest hint of sadness in your voice, now he was really wishing you’d left him out there.

“ I’m sorry if I offended you or something, I’m not very good with people. I just needed some time to really find out who you truly are. ” he said softly looking at the floor not daring to make eye contact with you. “ Mm, so who am I? ” you asked him curious about what he was going to say. He looked over at you examining your face before saying anything. “ Ein Schutzengel, a guardian angel. ” he said looking at the floor waiting for some type of response. You were glad he wasn’t paying attention to your face because he’d probably make fun of how hard you were smiling, you felt as if a weight lifted off your shoulders.

“ That’s really sweet of you. ” you said looking at him. He looked over at you and when he locked eyes with you he actually felt a lot better than before. “ Just telling it how it is. ” He said giving you a small nudge, he got a smile giggle out of you. You both sat in silence again, the sound of the rain being very comforting you rested your head on his shoulder closing your eyes. He looked over at you he was a bit nervous at first wondering if he was breathing to hard or something but after a while he relaxed when he realized you had went to sleep, he let you get your rest because he knew you had earned it.

Sorry if that was a bit short- as always request are open!

Masterlist

[kalims]

‎˃ ᵕ ˂ . . "i know this sounds weird but can you pretend to be my boyfriend?"

today's promise.

parts. one, two, three.

characters. kalim, vil

cw. persistent pursuers, press being invasive, fluff, slight angst. possible spoilers for book 4, 5.

includes. fem!reader

wc. 5.9k words, 31.9k characters. not proofread.

note. after ten years.. I've decided to just make 3 parts just cause... I'm very sorry, vil's part at the end was kind of rushed 💀

kalim al asim

when you're being threatened to prove yourself by a suitor who can't take no for an answer.

being a girl had its perks and certainly it's cons. nearly every professor had a soft spot for you, you don't mean to take advantage of it but there isn't really anything you could do (even if you wanted to) 

from what you've heard. trein has two young daughters that he adores. as outstanding as it was to hear that his stoic look could ever break in the face of someone at all. he at first, was the same to you as others. he didn't treat you any better, or any worse.

but when he started to get used to your constant presence you supposed he grew to appreciate it. he let you walk away a few minutes late to class while your freinds, ace and deuce groan. mainly ace but still! when they were a minute late,, marks were immediately deduced from their paper and you can only watch deuce crumple in grief.

as for the cons.. well..

"please!"

a boy kneels in front of you, clutching a bouquet of flowers. which he then proceeds to shove in your face in a way you didn't quite appreciate. he stares at you with hopeful eyes.

you gulp. knowing that everyone is staring. why did he have to do this right in the middle of the cafeteria? "..." you fidget nervously, looking around, picking at your nails, fix your clothes, grit your teeth, all didn't help to cease the feeling of dread.

each passing second felt like the room was getting hotter and hotter each second, but at the same time it felt so cold. you can feel the beads of swear forming on your temple, on your back, your palms, everywhere.

you've already somehow lost your voice since you can feel the crushing pressure in your throat as well as the intense beating of your heart that merely clouds your rational judgment more.

you don't wanna go with this boy. you don't know him at all.

this was the plan all along wasn't it? to keep you in a room of people where he knows you'd feel obligated to say 'yes' out of good will.

what an A grade asshole. "..."

"sorry I can't accept your confession. i have a lover..." 

then you bow. why would you need to say sorry for it? it was an excuse but not that they know. you could already hear the whispers circulating behind you. snickering, some had enough empathy to murmur words of sympathy. 

the previous,, seemingly kind and innocent look in his eyes vanished, replaced with a rageful and a look that you can only see as determination. his eyes are darkened, contrast to his old bright ones. as if there's some kind of rabid monster that replaced the thought behind his eyes.

oh. why did you forget nearly all NRC students have some kind of hidden, dark side?

"you...do?" you nod and you can practically hear his thought.

"prove it."

you bite back the urge to quip back 'I have nothing to prove to you, you little shit. can't you just respect my decision and move on?!' you close your eyes and grit your teeth, if you did that you'd get hated on for sure. that's how hard it is to live on a campus filled with men.

when you left the cafeteria—barely slipping your bag over your shoulder, and nearly dropping it from much haste your actions seemed to have. you left that place with your items in one piece, and your mind in absolute disarray.

you dont have a lover! you never had one, nor did you plan to get one! the plan was to just wait for crowley to get you home meanwhile you do your part as a student, and as one of his little workers since he did provide for ou.

so as you speed walk through the hallway, albeit fast enough to turn some heads. you're too caught up in your inner turmoil to notice kalim whose practically skipping in his steps accompanied by his usual happy grin on his face. he obviously had a better day than you, but then again. since when did kalim get a horrible day?

he practically chases the bad things away with his sunshine.

you wish you had his kind of mindset.

kalim, who brightens up at the sight of the prefect— totally oblivious to your mood doesn't think of getting out of the way when you're clearly in the way of colliding into him.

and you do! due to the extra haste you both tumble to the ground. your bag barely hanging by a threat on your shoulder. thankfully none of you were crushed by the other, you're sitting on the floor completely done done life while he's just laying there.

"oops! sorry.. I didn't see you." kalim scratches his head with a laugh as you stare at him deeply. he blinks and looks behind him. "what?"

oh my goodness.. you take back your previous statement about every student having a dark side, for now you'll bet just about everything you have on kalim.

"kalim!"

"prefect!"

you grab his shoulders and shake it, maybe too relieved to remember that you're still on the ground. "can you help me?!"

his answer was expectedly and a enthusiastic "yes!" he didn't even hesitate.

so you end up dragging him to a more secluded place. you'd bring him to your dorm but it's way too far so you just settle somewhere behind the school. sending jamil a quick text about kalim's whereabouts and your intentions lest he gets stressedworried about it.

one thing you learned was that he was a complete natural at it. you can't tell if he forgot about his pledge because he never mentioned it the day after and starts treating you as if you were really his lover. it's... surprisingly adorable. it's nice to be so happily greeted by someone first thing in the morning.

you don't question how many miles he tread to get from scarabia to the the mirror chamber, and finally to ramshackle on foot.

you've already given your consent if he wants to tell jamil. after all you wouldn't wanna stress the male out more for hiding things so.

jamil knows, that's all I'll say. though he really just wants to straight up tell the two of you that it's painfully obvious. especially kalim..

the first week mostly consists of you casually blending into kalim's life as if you both weren't just fellow students who knew each other better than strangers. since the whole world was basically served to him on a silver platter he didn't see much of an issue when he gifted you boxes of gold, and jewelry. 

kalim is too... dense for his own good but in a way its quite adorable. even if it's just temporary for a boy whose called an airhead, he seems awfully good at making you feel like you're actually his s/o. it's kind of obvious when he perks up so brightly when you enter a room and basically bounces to you.

jamil doesn't fully trust you yet. he probably tolerates your presence enough to trust you to an extent of letting kalim stay with you, alone. 

if you mention you like an animal, bonus points if it's exotic. like a snake of parrot you'd be gifted one of the most expensive one! it'd be fed for and all you gotta do is own it. you had to reject because last time you accepted a gift he kept sending more and more until you had no more space for his gifts in a spare room.

sure it'd be nice for rooms filled with treasure but you don't want to use him. he's a pure kinda guy. grim doesn't seem to have any problem as he sometimes constantly sneaks in to steal a few coins, and you had to literally ask someone (either another dorm head like malleus) to enchant the door with a spell-lock of sorts so the feline couldn't go in.

you'd ask why you're doing so much for gifts for you but you plan to just give it all back to him after it's all over. of course you obliged to some of his gifts, marveling at the shine but you can only accept so much without being ridden with guilt. 

you'd stay over scarabia plenty of times. this time though, not as prisoners but rather as some kind of special guests. your presence made feasts and parties more often, and jamil now thinks you're the second bane of his existence. side eyes kalim.

crowley somehow found out and apparently staying in other's dorms so often not as an official resident was gonna paint the college in a light where it's like the assignment of the dark mirror wasn't important so he just.. forbid it I guess? you're still able to come over but not as often. jamil seems relieved and kalim is bummed. :(

knowing him he'd unintentionally bribe crowley like. "oh.. please let them stay!! I have a few bars of gold..." 

crowley: 😶🤩😇😇 "of course!! for I, am gracious."

despite being literally bribed crowley does still tell you to keep it down on the low. you never know what kind of student secretly wished for his downfall, you'd tell him it's futile but he actually does kind of have a point. fearing that a student might actually leak it might be nerve wracking to him.

second week blurs in comparison compared to the first one. maybe it's cause you're already used to the presence of kalim. heck.. you even found out some things about him that you didn't at first. as weird as it sounds, kalim comes in a package deal with jamil (much to his dismay) so you're bound to get closer to him as well.

using you -> tolerating you -> finding you decent company. that's jamil's relationship progress with you, atleast he trusts you a little more than he used to! maybe he only started begrudgingly warming up when you started helping him around the dorm. it's nice having an extra set of hands you know but you shouldn't get too kind cause he's gonna end up taking advantage of that so unless you don't want to get more worked to death initiate the help when it looks like he really needs it.

from kalim's influence scarabia students grew used to the luxurious treatment and unfortunately, jamil was left with the short end of stick so they didn't volunteer with help much. only obliging when he asks cause they can't really refuse him when he's the vice-dorm leaders and the one basically feeding them the food whenever it's weekends.

kalim starts seeking you out the first thing he comes out of a class and usually forgets about any other thing. which i mean: homework and school related stuff since he's too excited to remember. you and jamil have to constantly remind him unless he's gonna get expelled with blank tests.

^ this can be used as an advantage to draw kalim with study sessions which usually end up with him trying to focus for your sake. he agrees everytime of course! who wouldn't when you've offered to kindly… though you wish he'd actually focus on the formula's instead of wondering if he should fund a janitor to clean the library since it looks pretty dirty..

anyway the scarabia residents just get used to your presence and see you as a second kind of role model. they're nice in comparison to the rude students with too big egos. you're sure the residents have a secret villainous side since basically everyone you knew had but who knows?

you end up having to take care of kalim as well. which made the whole relationship look very... real? it's wholesome seeing you two stick to each other like glue and a total suprise considering half the school weren't present when you got to know kalim during the whole break. 

so to them it seems like the most random relationship that surprisingly made sense?

the dude is still suspicious but the very convincing act you two put up eventually made them back off in shame since now they just look like a fool for asking you to prove it just cause they couldn't take no for an answer. deserved!

with little dignity left they reluctantly sent you a half hearted apology through text, somehow turning into subtly gaslighting you to feel pity for them but eh... you already blocked the number the moment you saw something about feeling bad for him. you aren't obligated in any means to anyway.

now realizing that the problem has been dealt with (of course screenshotting the person's message which included basically confessing to trying to push you into a corner and sending it to crowley, in case they didn't) you can't help but feel a little upset.

you'll miss the realistic love that kalim gives you, even if his kisses were a little too quick, sometimes sloppy and full of energy. or his hugs were way too tight, or the priceless gifts he gives you innocently instead of ones that worth more than your soul.

so you send him a long sentence full of your thanks. it's the least you can do when he clearly poured his kindness into a cup and let you indulge in it whenever you like.

the message is read, in less than ten seconds.

you silently watch a message pop up. it's a confused sticker paired with a 'huh?' hmm.. it's quite disheartening but you really didn't know how to respond but with a simple laughing emoji.

the silence comforts you for a few minutes, you'd guess it's been about more than 5 with you casually melting into the songs the night sings. it helps ease your turmoil the least. well.. who were you to feel upset anyways?

it's eerily comforting in a way.

until there's someone frantically banging on your door. "prefect! prEeefect!!" it's kalim's voice? you rush downstairs in a flight of confusion and open the door warily, coming face to face with the boy himself–

–in tears. what the? you blink in confusion once again when he starts bawling and if you looked closely you can see the small figure of a jamil speeding towards the dorm. you see a carpet on your porch and assume kalim used it to go here.

"ah.. what's wrong?"

he leaps at you–"wahh! I can't believe this! let's be together forever!" "WHAT?"— and you both tumble to the ground.

again.

wow this feels like deja vu.

vil schoenheit

when the media thinks you're in cahoots with someone so you need to prove them otherwise.

as the first female student of nrc it's only normal you'd gather a number of attention. it all started out relatively normal, boys being boys and acting like shy school girls. some though, weren't as respectful as the last.

crowley never really did much for you. but he did give you a place to temporarily stay, the basic needs, that as well as free education. in turn just for a few services to him, errands to be specific.

your existence is an oddity in itself.

so you weren't all that suprised when there's headlines about the sudden acceptance of nrc for a girl. crowley's reason was admittedly bland. "I'm sure it was fate, though we welcome this historic moment with open arms." definitely suspicious enough to raise doubts. 

there's already theories as to why. frankly, it's quite terrifying because there is now a crowd of reporters swarming the campus perimeters. none really made it past but when you no longer can explore outside of this strange, new world.

not that you could anyways but it's scarier when there's another one of those national events where it's held on campus like VDC, or the soccer but with magic.

somehow they found your social media of which you're starting to regret signing for an account in the first place. there's a flood of followers and a swarm of comments in your magicam like "can we meet up? I can pay you." or "did you see the newspaper?" you eventually had to private it because some of the questions were.. questionable.

unfortunately the media seems intent on proving that you're apparently 'dating' the neige leblanche! after like, one photo with him?! it wasn't your fault that neige just decided to post a cute selfie with you during VDC..

you sigh. I knew it was a bad idea to listen to cater...

"you. potato." 

"hm?" 

you look up and vil himself is standing over your seated frame with a look of elegant calm over his face. as usual, but there's a scorning irritation clear beneath his shadowed eye. "oh vil. what brings you here?"

you pretend not to see the glint in his eyes

if you were asked what kind of relationship you had with the superstar you'd just answer "acquaintances." it's honestly just the truth. you're just a person who happens to know a little more about vil than an average fan.

no. not the kind of how many shows he was on, or the interests he displayed publicly but rather his past. it wasn't your place to tell anways.

"do you like neige?"

you sputter and stare at him with a flabbergasted face. "what? no?" what made him think that? neige is cute for sure, but you don't even know him well and if you really did have feelings it was probably just adoration.

he smirks. "and you don't like the way the media thinks so?"

you cross your arms. "well.. yeah, they're annoying."

"heh.. then, I'll lend you a hand."

oh I'm gonna regret this.

in all fairness vil didn't really come to you because he wanted to help you. your situation overall didn't have any connections to beauty nor him overall and vil himself confessed to you the very next words. 

"if you were to be seen dating someone I'd rather it be me than… neige.." from the way he so scornfully says his name you'd figured that vil wasn't entirely over staying freindly with neige. not that the innocent boy knows atleast.

if it were someone else and not you— someone who helped him solve his… overblot problem you're sure he wouldn't have even batted an eye.

and from the way he said it.. it's obvious his whole reasoning was to just spite neige, he wants to win in a way that makes sure he comes out as the top. similar to the legendary evil queen. to put it simply, his will spares no efforts to ensure his win. be it big or small, that's just how vil is naturally. 

so basically you're just some kind of accessory he plans on using and its making it seem like you're just clout. honestly? it kinda pisses you off. but then again you can't do a thing since you also want the media off your shoulders and one wrong move can cause vil to just drop you as a whole. and you honestly can't think of anyone else that the media will listen to. you don't know anyone who would be on the same level as neige.

asking neige to confront the rumors would do, he would definitely do it for your sake but not all the media would really believe it. and if you're seen to be together with vil it'll be more likely to be seen as the truth. since you both go to NRC, the press won't have any idea on what's going on inside. so they can't say it's fake since they don't know.

the plan was to convince the media you both were dating for a few months now, let it settle after a week or more. and then break it off a few weeks later once they've left you alone. both parties benefit from it.

the media will eventually leave you alone in favor of getting more info from vil himself. the man is already used to the intrusive press so he won't have any problems. vil won't be bothered by neige dating someone like you, see? win win.

again. vil spares no effort and to increase the realism of the 'act' he'd decided to just bring you out to dinner, in a place where he knows the reporters would be lurking around like slimy little bugs. the paparazzi was intrusive, an absolute nightmare and blind to boundaries.

the whole dinner plan was basically something that will benefit him in two ways. you can both actually spend time getting to know each other on a more personal level, a tip vil knows that is helpful in acting AND the paparazzi seeing you will set the whole plan into motion.

and they did. 

let me tell you. it was an absolute nightmare! is this what celebrities deal with when they go out? you could only stare horrified at the various flashes from the windows, the loud chatter and screaming. some had the audacity to attempt to buy their way in to get closer but unfortunately for them vil already had booked the whole place. and the staff knows that if they even dared to accept someone's money..

they are going to be destroyed. LOL

"keep your eyes on me, ignore them." vil eventually said, proceeding to give you tips on how the crowd shouldn't bother you much. as well as some about himself. it seems like he's relaying his experience with you. you tore your eyes away from the window and just did as he told. he seems relaxed, unbothered even but it seems like he really does know the feeling.

eventually you both had to leave. most would think he'd just casually walk out the door. I promise you. vil would absolutely would, he thrives and glows in the spotlight after all. but since he's with you, he'd have to prioritize your feelings first. wouldn't want you to see him in a bad light, right?

it ended better than you expected. and vil certainly was better than you expected. full of wit, pride and beauty. he was still a gentleman but rather than himself he just sends out rook to escort you home to ensure nothing of harm happens to you.

his excuse was "I have work to do." and you were left with rook who seems just about ready to burst into glitter and sparkles. he talked your ear off until you reached ramshackle, asking a load of questions asking about how the 'date' went.

the first week goes alright. it's mainly full of getting to know each other.

vil was a lot nicer than you'd initially thought. a little sass from then and there but he wouldn't be vil if it weren't for it. he certainly makes sure your feelings are accounted and tries to look from your perspective. it's almost like he's the literal prince but don't let that distract you.

school of villians hun.

anyways! all of the things above is quite literally the first week. so we will move on to the second one.

the second one was just advancing on a more intimate degree. vil is already used to physical affection, atleast the 'fake' ones in movies. how is this one any different? but you probably aren't so it's just vil drawing you out of your boundaries and analyzing which you're comfortable enough to settle with.

but when you're outside together his eyes alone are enough to describe the love swimming in it. if only you didn't know that it was just an act, something he practiced many times while filming you'd have mistaken it as something real. he sure do knows how to make it real.. scary..

of course. if the school didn't believe both of you then who would? probably a few but still. it was one of the first steps into making it believable and making sure it's more realistic is the better.

you swore you can see epel's soft, lovely, quiet persona completely break when you spot the most scandalized look in his face when vil dropped you off your class (pretend epel's there LOL), departing with a close hug and a fleeting look.

if vil had seen him you're sure epel would've never gotten the end of it. the boy himself quite literally hurls out of his seat and starts dragging you next to him with the shock still apparent on his face. for some reason his hair is now messy and all over his face from the speed he took off.

"what did—WHAT?" epel whispered aggressively, his words were more of a jumble rather than an actual, whole. sentence. his country accent he hid starts slipping on his voice and you had to stop him before rook could find out. one thing you knew was that to expect rook being in there… somewhere…

yeah he's still upset about you 'dating' vil. I'd say he took on a grudge for a few days before slowly resuming on hanging out with you and your other first year freinds he knows of. with epel practically blubbering angry things about it students eventually caught word of it. 

and the word spread so fast that there's already spams in your social media accounts that somehow got leaked and you had to turn on do not disturb after pushing through the violent lag the notifications inflicted on your device.

now you can't even post a single meal without expecting some die hard fans and the media critiquing you for eating such a horrid and unhealthy meal. of course there were some kind ones that started fighting the other people and defending you with their lives.

there's a full on war about your diet….

thanks to them and their stupidness, now you're assigned a personal diet which you practically would want to start crying from because no sweets for a month? HORRID, is this what epel does everyday? you've gained a new level of respect for the boy.

god forbid it if vil sees you shoving a bar of chocolate inside your shirt and cringing when you can feel the packet crinkle and crunch. somehow the noises feel a thousand times louder.

it was only due time when vil caught you red handed in a closet he'd heard suspicious noises from, and that's where he caught you practically hugging the wall in an attempt to stay quiet.

"and what's that in your mouth?" he crosses his arms, deadpanning and glancing at the crumpled plastic in your hand. you look away for a second, and try to slowly chew on the sweet as if he can't see it. "...paper?"

he's gonna curse me like he did that one time. you think.

his face changes and vil shakes his head. "open wide."

you spend more time together. with vil keeping a close eye on your secret hiding place that you're most definitely eating a piece of candy thinking it won't affect your body much. 

as time goes he just starts to get a little softer, letting you get a few more cheat days but still strict enough to make top models get shivers. his calls to the dorm are no longer business like.

—and by business I mean giving you basic etiquette lessons on how to deal with the press efficiently and professionally. you question it since you won't stay in the spotlight for much anyways but he seems awfully intent on keeping up with it.

it's more of like insisting that he touch up your make up, if you didn't already have one already then he'd just bury your face in a concerning amount of cosmetics. straying a little too close for your opinion to take a closer look.

he's practically an inch away from your face now. you just sit there awkwardly wondering if it was normal.

for some reason vil keeps insisting to take up the most of your time, whenever he just sees you wandering around the halls he fetches rook to come and get you and he had to 'remind' you that you two are 'dating' and it'd be just so suspicious if you don't even spend time together.

much to the annoyance of ace— and admittedly deuce as well, you had transferred tables leaving them with no prefect that ace uses to pay for food. now you're sitting in the table of the pomefiore head and vice, looking far too stiff.

(epel is there as well but he's just glad he can use you as a cover to not sit next to vil.)

and you discover how brutal the media is.

there's a headline about you.

jesus there's a fucking headline about you.

normally you'd start freaking out but when you saw the title you can literally see your life crumbling away. 'vil schoenheit rumored to break up with nrc's golden girl'. you blanked out staring at it for a good minute.

first of all. since when were you a golden girl? what kind of weird ass nickname was that. you sigh and continue to scroll down, to far in deep to simply close the website tab. another line caught your eye.

'vil schoenheit leaving nrc's golden girl for former co-worker actress; helena—'

you think you just lost one more braincell from the shenanigans of whoever made this. what made them even think about this? they worked together like a year ago.

under it were decently formed sentences that actually make sense. it's not one of those where they just clip a picture of them together coincidentally meeting but the evidence they backed up add up.

for some reason it makes you sad.

compared to this headline, it painted helena in a good light. it was kind of ironic since if vil dated them first you're sure they would've gotten backlash from the fangirls, fanboys and negative society.

but since he 'dated' you first everyone just thinks you aren't good enough for him. so they want him to upgrade to someone better.

your headline were just about the composer picking out every insecurity you were sure you buried, accusing you of things you never once did, generally stuff that made you want to throw up and start bawling cause it actually hurt.

it feels helpless.

you were never in a position to judge, or are at all since you're the one receiving help but still. it feels humiliating for everyone to judge you for what you eat, or look like.

well I'm sorry I don't fit in your unrealistic standards. you sniffle aggressively. rolling your eyes and resisting the urge to throw your phone at the wall.

you don't know how long it's been since you started releasing the feelings. you haven't cried since that time in your world, you realize that you haven't once succumbed to the stress in your situation.

so embarrassingly enough you plop down your bed and get ready to wet your pillow with tears.

that night you didn't get much sleep which was a given since you spent the time crying your heart out, remembering all your problems one by one and giving them all a separate bawling session. at the very least the bottle had been opened.

you didn't even have the heart to stand up from your bed from the absolute shitty feeling that consumed you. eventually hours passed with you silently staring at the broken ceiling like it's gonna fix everything you're experiencing.

times like these were the ones you hated. feelings are so shitty. you groan.

there's a knock at your door that silences any brooding you previously were doing.

you stare at it dumbly and force a throaty voice. "go away guys.. I'm sick.." you tell to your two friends that's most likely outside the door. ace and deuce don't even need to go all the way here to drag you to school. 

well either way you didn't have time to react when there's a click and vil struts in. freezing when he sizes up your pathetic state. great, vil seeing you like this was the worst timing ever. you'd prefer deuce and ace anyday!

his eyes wanders to your face—and to the clump on tissues near your trashcan. some had made it into the can itself while the others didn't exactly go to their property place with you barely seeing it with blurry, teary eyes last night. 

"you cried?" he states a matter of factly and you're a little suprised with his sudden calmness. you were sure he'd comment about your appearance. 

no way you'd tell him. "it's nothing."

vil stares at you for a good minute or two and even you're struggling to keep up the smile. then he sighs and takes a seat by the bed, right next to you. vil turns to you. "whatever you were crying about. don't waste your tears on it, instead either face it head on or ignore it."

he says. you still when he reaches out to push back a very messy strand of hair away from your face. "don't cry. I don't want to see your pretty face sad."

from that day on you never saw rook be the one to escort you in, and out the door. this time it was vil, always vil.

days had passed after that admittedly embarrassing time with vil. now you don't know what to think of him at all, he can't just pull a stunt like that because there wasn't any onlookers so he didn't even need to put on a show..

he started showing you a more degree of attention. always asking how you were feeling, checking up on you. it was sweet and it felt like your heart was about to burst. it felt like he genuinely cared for your well-being. 

"talk to me."

unexpectedly though.. when he did give you more attention he practically demanded some in return. he tells you to talk to him, half the time you don't know how to start but at the end your pleasantly babbling about something while he listens attentively.

he needs to stop being like that or else you'd be crushed when he leaves.

you'd practically started counting down the days the minute vil told you he had gotten a formal invitation for a talk show, one that would most likely question his relationship with you after months of being seen 'together'.

you were thankful regardless. you learned a lot from vil, be it those acting lessons he gave you to reinforce your couple front or the feeling of love you would come to miss when it's gone.

it was late at night. you were anxiously waiting for the show to start, and when it did you were practically waiting for the moment the host drops the bomb. the question didn't come immediately which made sense since they probably wanted vil to get comfortable first.

speaking of vil.. he looks beautiful without wearing school uniform, as expected. 

you ignore the fact that you're getting side tracked.

"so mister schoenheit.. about… MC was it? are you both still together?" this was it, if everything goes according to plan vil will state that you're already broken up. since the media got off your back he doesn't need a reason to keep you with him.

you watch in anticipation. this is it.. the end..

he smiles at the camera, and you can't help but think that he's looking right at you. "of course, I could never let them go."

"HUH??" 

[liloinkoink]

a year ago today, i sent @unexpectedly-haunted an idea i had for a renchanting au based around Ren as a god and Martyn as his follower. we spent quite a while tossing around a concept for the au in which i laid out an idea i'd had and he helped me flesh it out

the next day, Haunted came back to me with a design for Martyn in the AU, and i, unwilling to be undone, sat down and wrote a 500ish word oneshot, 20 Questions. i didn't really expect it to go further than that--i didnt even intend to write for it again!--but you guys greatly surprised me

the immediate support i got for my silly little drabble in the form of kind words, excitement from friends, asks and interest from followers, and even art from strangers motivated me to keep working at the AU. i dont think ive ever received so much love, support, enthusiasm, or kindness on anything else i've written in my life. i truly dont know how to thank the lot of you enough, nor do i know how to express how much all the love this fic has received means to me

what i can say is that Lamplight is now 45k words and counting, writing it and seeing how much you guys enjoy it has been an absolute blast, and continuing after those initial 500 words is one of the best decisions i could have made. ive made a lot of really good friends, met a lot of really cool people, and had a lot of really amazing experiences because of this fic, and i couldnt appreciate it more

to celebrate and show how far this idea has come... i'll put a cut, but if you want a few more screenshots of our initial planning convo, i've thrown them in (up until the point you hit plot spoilers). quite a few things have changed or been abandoned, but there are also pieces that have stayed completely the same (martyn's paladin oath from torchlight, for example, is almost verbatim the same as the oath i made up for him day one)

first, tho: thank you to everyone who has been reading and enjoying lamplight!!! and

[xcalkenf]

Thinking about needy!xiao who keeps humping on your thigh while you’re sleeping..

It was 2:39 am, you’re asleep yet xiao isn’t. Seeing your figure sleeping infront of him somehow made his dick hard, it hurts. It hurts fighting the urge to fuck you so hard.

He had no other choice. He picks your thigh up carefully and place it between his leg. He decides to not fuck you but instead to hump on you. It felt great, but it didnt do anything to his dick. He keeps humping trying to reach his high, tears forming in his eyes covering his mouth with his hand hiding his muffled moans.

it goes for a few minutes, until he came. At this point he doesn’t care anymore and then you woke up. You woke up feeling something wet on your thigh. Turning your head around, you see him. You see your poor boyfriend humping on your thigh, crying. You frowned, you felt bad for being a slight heavy sleeper.

“Xiao..” frowning, turning around and holding his face; you stare at them. Without nothing to do so, he holds your hands while trying to unzip his pants. You knowing what he wants you to do, goes down. You let go of his grip and unzips his pants, staring at the big bulge and white, sticky liquid on his boxers . “P-please.. need you.. it hurts..”

“dont worry xiao.. ill help” pulling down his boxers, his dick is hard. You can clearly see it. You give it a few cat licks before putting it in your mouth. Xiao who can’t wait anymore holds the back of your head and push your head towards it making his dick goes in your mouth hitting the back of your throat causing you to gag. “I-Im sorry.. I just cant help it anymore.. y/n”

You groaned a bit, the vibration gave enough wave to make xiao shiver and moaned. You tried to fit his dick in your mouth as full as you can, yet since you can’t anymore you use your hand twirling it around the base of his dick and using your other free hand to massage his balls. That made him weak letting out a few whimpers.

20 minutes goes by, and he came twice. You’re surprised cause he came pretty fast. He seems tired, you think. You released his dick off your mouth licking every seed that got out of your mouth and his dick. He’s so thankful you helped him right away, 10/10 for that.

A/N: heh.. idk if this is good enough since this was made at 2 am but i hope u guys enjoyed it lol.. ngl my writing pretty sucks haha

by the way thanks for 1k likes on my most recent post/blog! i really appreciate it ^^ <;3

© mototoxoxo , 2022 | do not steal/repost on any other social medias, nor plagiarize. interactions are very much appreciated!

[nyantropy]

Sorry for a long post and my grammar, but this is something that i really need to get of my chest

After almost a year of thinking about it, i've come to a simple conclusion - despite my love for part 5, i do not like how Lupin's and Goemon's conflict ended.. Or at the very least im very confused by it. And here is why

Before i go into details about this, i want to clarify a few things

1. All of this is, obviously, my personal opinion. If you disagree - thats great!! I would honestly love to hear your opinion!!

2. I love part 5 and this conflict in it self. The moment when Goemon, after releasing what he had  done, rushes back to Lupin, throwing Zantezuken away, and desperately calls to him is beautifully heartbreaking! And the scene where Lupin encourages him to laugh after everything that happened is just beautiful!

However.. This same scene is basically the only conclusion that we ever get to this conflict. And this is just not enough. You may argue that this is the point - they've been through hell and back together, of course that would be enough for them! And i agree. I agree that the intention behind writing this scene the way it was written, was to show us that Lupin and Goemon are so close that they don't need lengthy discussions to understand each other and to forgive each other. But! If that's the truth.. why was there a conflict to begin with?

The problem with this ending is the fact that it addresses only that Goe attacked Lupin but not the cause of it, making it seem like the only reason for this was... "Enzo told him to!"

Wich is not the case

The reason for why i think that way is simple - even befor Enzo starts trying to manipulate him, Goemon declares, that he and Lupin are neither allies nor friends, wich outright suggest that his actions and insecuritys about beeing seen as Lupins underling or part of Lupins collection, are symptoms of a bigger issue.

Because up until this point.. there wasn't really much to suggest they aren't, not only in other season but in this one. Up untill this point Goemon trust Lupin with his plans, helps him whenever he can and just is in general.. acts like his freind, even if a little more silent then Jigen. One of the best examples is the scene where Albert injured Lupin and seeing this, even so Goemon clearly looks at him with rage and desire for revenge, he prioritizes saving his freind. Because Lupin is important to him.

And even better we can see the depths of his attachment to Lupin after Goemon hurts him in a fight. It wasn't what he wanted, it never was. What he truly wanted was to know for sure who he was to Lupin and if he was as important to him, as he himself is to Goe.

At least that's the picture all of part 5 episodes paint in my head.

And yet.. Goemon never gets the answer!! Lupin never reasures him, they never talk about there relationships, instead the focus of the story shifts to something else. And i truly dont understand  why! Part 5 puts alot of emphases on to human relationships and yet..  This conflict has alot of built up to it, be it in a form of this two acting like freinds, Goemon questioning if Lupin even needs him and Jigen or.. Lupin outright SAYING THAT GOEMON IS HIS FREIND ONLY TO NEVER REPEAT IT TO GOE HIMSELF WICH HE ACTUALLY NEEDED!!

And yet.. this just never gets addressed in the series...Wich makes me extremely sad, because Goemon's and Lupin's friendship is one of the things wich i like the most about "Lupin the third" and.. it just sad how it gets either neglected or dealt with.. like this in recent seasons

Anyway, what do YOU think?

[fatuismooches]

i have been silent but that does not mean i have stopped thinking about dottore

based off of some fanart i saw, im like. 99.9999% sure zandik rarely heard any nice stuff said to him n i dont know why but i just. imagine this in my head. its such a tender, vulnerable and soft moment where zandik, probably akademiya or early fatui days, fits himself between your legs as he wraps his arms around your waist. his head laying comfortably on your thighs as he sits on his knees. its a moment that shows his trust, you know? allowing himself to be small before you, a rare act of submission to your love as your fingers play with his curls, palms warm and soothing as you cup his cheek. n' u just tell him things that he struggles to believe, like how he's so beautiful, and that you care about him, how he deserves to be loved even though he's perceived as a monster. and i dont know, but i wanna gently raise his head by his chin, softly smile at him and say "zandik, you're a good boy." because i know no one has ever ever said that to him, not even his parents.

healing his parental issues frrrr 💪💪💪 IS. IS THIS WEIRD??? IDK IT KINDA SOUNDS WEIRD BUT I DONT KNOW, IN MY HEAD THIS IS JUST. EVERYTHIN FOR ME.

this is just how i imagine zandik, honestly I DONT KNOW WHY BUT THE FANART I SAW FUCKS ME UP AND I WANNA CARE FOR HIM AND PAMPER HIM AND MAKE HIM FEEL THINGS NO ONE CARES ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM FEEL.

i want that boy to be treated like a pretty girl by taking him out on romantic dates and writing him love letters he's 100000% gonna keep, laminate and immortalize. i want to treat that boy like the fragile thing he is, hold him in my arms and kiss him so so gently.

ITS DRIVING ME NUTS.

oh yeah. totally not projecting onto zandik. NOPE. nuh uh. totallllyyyy....

THAT MENTAL IMAGE YOU'VE GIVEN ME... oh my gosh. i am so soft right now. Sniff sob... Zandik being so open and vulnerable in front of you :( OH EDBEWDWE HIM IN THAT POSITION IS MAKING ME CRY HE'S SO CUTE... you have no clue how you managed to get him to be so submissive but you're not going to say anything nor are you going to squander this opportunity. You're not even sure if he's comfortable like that, sitting on his knees but... he seems unbothered and quite actually, content with nuzzling his face into your thighs, having your hands run through his fluffy blue hair soothingly. For once, he is almost eerily silent, instead of being all fight and rebuttal all the time, as he doesn't seem to have a smart answer for your gentle words this time. It's new to you, not him vehemently denying your statements, but you're going to take advantage of it, holding his cheeks and kissing him all over, whispering in his ear softly but firmly about how much you love him and everything you love about him, and that you always will.

CALLING HIM A GOOD BOY... i am on the floor in a puddle and sobbing. Kai your brain >>> peak. But it makes me so sad to know that Zandik's literally never received any kind of positive form of affection all his life 😭 Not even his parents... like fuck I'm in pain for him. It took reader SO long to even break his first wall down (he has like a dozen probably) because of how poorly he was treated by the people who were supposed to "love" him :( he just really needs some love :( i think after a really long time, Zandik would come to really crave your appreciation sometimes. Like, he doesn't make it obvious or anything, but he'll do something like perhaps deal with some fellow scholars without snapping at them, or anything he doesn't really do in general, and look at you expectantly if you haven't praised him yet. Because you're the only one who has ever praised his efforts.

HE DESERVES TO BE PAMPERED SO BAD 😭😭 ugh i know Sumeru is mostly hot and you two can't have any cold bundled up days over there but. i love the idea of you two snuggling and sleeping in one morning. Both of you know you're gonna be late for class, but you're like, fuck it we're skipping. And Zandik scolds you, but he's making no effort to leave either! So... you two just stay in bed cuddling as you pamper him (you definitely were the big spoon quite frequently back then here 😭) Slow and lazy morning as you wash his hair and body in the bathe 🥺 breakfast that you made as he looks over his notes 🥺

Bro i can't even imagine Zandik's reaction to you trying to treat him like a pretty princess 😭 Even when you two are dating he just doesn't understand :( why do you go so far for him? What he gives you in return is far less than what you provide for him... he just doesn't understand, but it seems like you're wholly content with everything the way it is so... he won't let you go.

[jaybirdss]

idk if i can do amother one but i will bc i can (idk about that but ill pretend i do if jot) and i have nothing to do in my life except dreaming about plastic figures

SO uhh idk suddenly all ideas disappeared from my head

HCS FOR LLOYD, KAI, MORRO AND BENTHO WITH A S/O WHO'S LOVE LANGUAGE IS PHYSICAL TOUCH??

like YKK i love having a bit of contact with smn because it brings me comfort and im very touch starved💔 also bcs hugs and kisses are superior😋😋🦶

TAKE YOUR TIME WITH THE REQUESTS UOU RECIEVE BTW DONT OVREWORK YOURSELF AND DONT FORGET TO EAT OR DRINK OR IM COMINGFOR YOU MFS😡😡😡

I speed ran this bitch now, i was on a ROLL. Thank you for requesting, it definitely kick-started my passion for writing for these lovely guys ❤️🫶🏻

No warnings, besides a bit of angsty lloyd, but that’s always suspected. Gender neutral reader!

🩰

Kai

Kai is the man with a plan when it comes to physical touch. He will always match your energy to the best of his ability!

He’s always open for it. Wether it be your arm wrapped around his or blatantly laying on top of him. He’s okay with all of it and rarely gets overwhelmed with what you feel like is smothering.

He specifically really enjoys the hugs you give him, where you’re nuzzled into his shoulder and your arms are wrapped tightly around him. he admired the security it brings him and makes him feel so dorky. For him, he enjoys picking you up just to hold you dramatically. Or smothering your face in kisses.

It surprises him at first, not expecting you to feel the same way as him with things such as physical touch. But once he understands, he craves it and gets all dramatic over it.

He will never be satisfied until you are basically crawling into his skin (not really).

But without your touch, he gets all upset, looking like a kicked puppy and he WILL in fact whine to you about how you aren’t close enough to him. And if he doesn’t get his way, by golly, there’s gonna be a fire.

Everything you do will always send him back, no matter how long you’ve been together. He is crushing on you so hard and will let you know every minute of the day.

Lloyd

Touch was something that was always fairly new to Lloyd.

He never received much as a child, when it was received, it wasn’t very positive affection.

When you started expressing your love for physical touch, you noticed all the small things he seemed to do because if it.

At first, he’d flinch when you moved a little too quick or anything. Physically tense up when you’d wrap your arms around him so suddenly. And he couldn’t bring himself to tell you that he enjoyed your affection, but didn’t know how to receive it.

Slowly but surely through your reassurance, he loosened up and started to learn that this was positive attention, and it’s something that he would eventually look forward to!

He was no longer startled with your big hugs, sudden kisses amongst his face, and other acts of affection you were so happy to give. It became routine, and now he’d be fairly upset if you were to lack in your affection department.

In all, Lloyd is a broken child who just needs to be reconnected with himself sometimes. He soon learns from you that he can relax and enjoy this. He isn’t just the green ninja, he’s Lloyd. Little Lloyd Garmadon who loves his hugs and kisses from his lover. And he’s slowly starting to thank you for healing his inner child.

Morro

Much like Lloyd, Morro never really received affection growing up. Nor could he receive it when he was, well, dead.

But soon enough, with many changes, forgiveness, and a physical form. He was able to receive such things, things you were over the moon about!

He’s fairly awkward with affection, and it’s just something so foreign to him that it’s hard to become so used to it like you are.

He doesn’t despise it, by any means, in all honesty it makes him feel all warm to see you so joyous about wanting to show him affection. But at first, he was in severe denial about it all. He’d reject your advances, and even had gotten a bit aggressive with it. Which he now apologizes for, and he’ll do his best to express his admiration for it when he can, in time. It takes long to heal from what he once had been.

The boy grew quite fond of you early on, and admired how you tried to express your affections to him even when he was a ghost. When he finally received his human form again, you wrapped your arms around him so tightly, he could barely breathe. (Which was also new to him once more).

Though he enjoys the affection, it can get overwhelming sometimes. When his frustrations get the better of him, he will express that he just can’t be touched in that moment. That he’ll return later on to apologize and attempt to hug and kiss you as you do him.

And it’ll get you every time! No matter how fussy he was, or how upset he had made you. His apologies feel so thorough and thoughtful that you can forget what you were mad about so easily. Morro deserves the world and more, and that’s what you’re gonna give him.

Bentho

Benthomaar was someone who would always let his curiosity get the better of him. And from a young age, he was always curious. About things that matter, things that don’t matter. Things that don’t hold much importance to him, and things that he holds closely to him.

Currently, He was curious as to how you’re so enthusiastic and happy to express affection to someone such as him. Of course, he does his best to understand you and your sweet advances towards him.

He’d get caught up in thinking too harshly of himself, wondering if he deserved your attention. His skin surely wasn’t the softest to cuddle into or kiss, nor was he that understanding of how life was like above the surface like many like you. But all of that made you the curious one. Curious as to how this cinnamon roll was kept from you all your life.

Bentho was such a joy to know and be around, and it made you so happy to hug and kiss him so sweetly. Even though you knew he wasn’t sure if he deserved all of it. Or any of it, in fact.

But in time, he learned that it was something he deserved. Comfort, that is. He seemed to break through his barricade of awkwardness and denial and thoroughly enjoyed what you expressed to him.

He never finds it overwhelming, and if he did, he wouldn’t ever tell you in fear that it would upset you. You’re a treasure to him, and how you express your love and admiration will always leave him in awe of how great you are. He adores you too much to be bothered by anything more.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Tag List: @holycrimin @kazuhacumslut @marmalade-matcha @yukinarengoku

[hanasnx]

(if this makes u uncomfy in any way plz ignore)

idk if mj exists in SW ‘verse, but like—sex with ani while ur both high as kite?? BIG YES (from me at least).

esp cause!! it would probably heighten ani’s force sensitivity?? like he’s feeling high and tingling and extra touch sensitive and all of a sudden you’re touching him and he’s getting a rush of emotions, floating, hungry, hot, i love you i want you.

and you. you look like heaven, like every sin he’s ever indulged in, all flushed and glowy and smiley, touching him with a fluttery touch.

ani needs you when he’s high cause there’s something almost spiritual, almost heaven scent and hell touched, about the rush of you he gets in every way.

as a former pothead i think i've gotta set some records straight. long post about marijuana + fucking + anakin under the cut <3

warnings: marijuana, negative + positive for anakin experience with marjuana

when i was smoking enough for a circle and then playing whatever videogame was in my ps for 20 hours a day, i can say that it did nothing but make me hungry, my attention span elongated, and my anxiety non-existent. i wasn't interested in fucking, i was mostly into wasting away while naked. it didn't do much (that i can remember) for my sense of touch.

i do know that when i did fuck while high, it wasn't a remarkable experience because i don't remember any of it. nor did it make me horny or add to the sensation. those kinds of effects were from an entirely different drug that i did that i dont feel like putting the trigger warnings for so i wont talk about it

pot is definitely good for mellowing out, chilling, and fucking really casual. and i mean really casual. that's my experience with it anyway i have no idea if its diff for other ppl, im sure ppl who arent demisexual and have higher sex drives than me can say different who knows.

for anakin, i can see him smoking and fucking. definitely. in very specific circumstances. let me lay those out for you:

he smokes very occasionally for spirituality reasons. he does it respectfully, with great care. a big stickler about it. he wants to emphasize to himself it's not for recreational or social reasons. the jedi discourage drugs that cloud your judgment. marijuana is frowned upon to rely on for things like calming yourself or meditating because you should be able to do that alone. however, it's not frowned upon to partake in it every once in a while. it's all about new experiences and as long as you treat it with respect, it's alright. anakin treats it with the utmost respect.

he does not care to be under the influence of something. being high or drunk is a very rare form for him indeed. he gets very uncomfortable when on something, and especially uncomfortable being reliant on something, so when he is smoking he does it alone most of the time. he does not like being disillusioned, and he certainly does not like the idea of someone's no-nonsense idea of him being shattered.

he's led a ceremony with younger people of the order. taught them how to partake, how to roll, how to use it mindfully. and if someone is having a negative first experience, they had too much or it does not agree with them and it gets into their heads, he knows how to calm them.

when he smokes with you, it might be a rare moment of rebellion. a "i'm an adult, i can smoke a little weed." moment. and even with that notion, his darkness may catch up to him. the guilt of using it under different circumstances than usual may put him in a bad place, memories he pushes back into the reaches of his mind creep up. his past with tatooine, the tusken massacre, etc. he gets paranoid, those doubts you couldn't love a monster like him get the better of him. it gets in his way. and you're there to lead him back to the present. like op said, "you look like heaven" he'd hone in on you. tunnel vision.

anakin's way of calming himself is often self pleasure. and so since youre here, and willing and able, he might use you to guide him back to the present in a more physical way. he can't think if he's inside you, all he can do is chase his orgasm. he's tingly, he's got those nerves in the pit of his stomach, he's trying to ground himself using you and at the same time fuck you out of this world. however, with marijuana you're both slowed, and clumsy. the love-making wouldn't be coherent, or poised, but it'd be enjoyable. less concerned about what you must look like, and more cuddly. more shallow thrusts, and humping ruts, and sloppy kisses and no dialogue.

[shimmerwindow]

I Never Really

Part Fourteen

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: None

Playlist | Masterlist

Tag List: @jazzyfigz @dont-go-home-without-me @poochiesworld @stardustcatcher @83rkblogs @jaketsguitar @dannys-dream @gretavanfan @do-it-jakey-baby @gvfpal @ignite-my-fire @gardensgatekeeper @torniturntomyarrow

You weren’t sure if it was the morning sun creeping in through the windows, or the chattering next to you that woke you up. You turned over, feeling drained but light as a feather, and Sam was there. The night before came back in pieces, slowly, one by one as your hungover mind could process them. You were in Sam’s bed, in his house, staring at him while he slept. And he was talking in his sleep. It was all nonsense mumbles, but his face contorted as if he was having a regular conversation with you.

The urge to be closer to him was something you could not fight. You pulled a bit closer to him, draping an arm over his waist under the covers. He stirred, mumbling a few more words before going quiet, one eye cracking open to look at you. A smile formed across his face almost immediately upon seeing you.

“Did I wake you up?” You whispered.

“Yeah, but I’m glad you did.” His voice was cracked and sleepy, barely more than a mumble.

“Good morning.”

“Morning, sunshine.”

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tight to his chest and letting out a contented sigh. “How’re you feeling?”

“Hungover.”

“Me too.”

You would have laid here with him until the house crumbled around you if you could. His warmth, the scent of his skin, the feeling of his lips softly pressing a kiss to your forehead, it was purely divine. A high you’d never thought you could reach, nor deserved to. You still didn’t feel worthy, when he tilted your face up with a finger on your chin to kiss you. There was no way you were lucky enough to be able to watch those amber eyes close and those soft, pink lips turn up into a smile before they met yours.

You were in and out of sleep for who-knows-how-long, your positions changing, but never breaking contact. Even in sleep, you needed his skin against yours. The sound of the front door loudly closing behind someone was what finally shook you from your dozing, likely the last passed-out partygoer finding their way outside.

“You want breakfast?” Sam mumbled into your ear, his body cradled around yours. “Or, I guess…” he grabbed his phone from the nightstand, flashing it at you to show you the time was nearly noon. “Lunch?”

“Breakfast-lunch?”

“Blunch?”

You giggled, nuzzling yourself closer to him. “Yeah, I’d love some blunch. But I think most people call it brunch.”

“Let’s go. I’ll make you something.” He rolled over, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat much,” you warned, taking note of the nausea that washed over you occasionally.

“Eat as little as you want, I won’t be offended.” He looked down at you with a grin, offering his hand to help you up.

He led you downstairs, grabbing you a blanket from the linen closet, practically demanding you make yourself comfortable on the couch. You stared at the beams in the ceiling, listening to the rustling and rattling of him in the kitchen. As the scent of food started to waft into the living room, you were struck with a deep calm, and an intense hunger you didn’t think you could feel after how much you'd drank.

It was cozy here. Despite the coldness that old houses tended to harbor, there was a distinct warmth to it that you couldn’t quite place. Maybe a combination of everything, you guessed. It must have been the welcoming environment, the decor, and the fact that you always felt whole here. The house seemed empty, to your knowledge, but it still held the bright energy of the party the night before – and it wasn’t just the empty cups and cans strewn about every surface.

“Where is everybody?” You called to Sam.

“Josh is out, he texted me earlier. Daniel is MIA. Jake is here, or at least his car is.”

There it was again, that knot of anxiety that would sprout up any time he was around. You tried to push the feeling away, skirting around it in your mind, focusing on the outside world instead.

“D’you like eggs?” He asked, over the sizzling sound of the stove.

“Depends if you’re a good cook or not.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” He peered around the doorway at you. “I was born to cook.”

“That so?”

“I was born with a whisk in my hand.” He disappeared back into the kitchen, returning later with two plates. He danced over to you to the beat of whatever song was stuck in his head, handing you a plate with a flourish. “Your blunch.”

Any remnants of nausea chased itself away, looking down at the feast he’d made for you. It looked delectable. Everything you liked, and all of it was done picture-perfect.

“You made this so fast,” you commented, taking it from him and scooting yourself into a sitting position.

He sat down next to you, and gave you a proud smile. “Course I did. I’m hungry.”

The two of you ate in silence – it was too good to be interrupted with words. The occasional stunned glance and point of your fork was all you needed to communicate.

When the dishes were empty, piled in the sink for someone else’s part of the chore list, he wandered over to his piano in the connected room. “Wonder if this will make my headache better or worse,” he laughed. “Do you mind?”

You were looking at him over the back of the couch, his hands extended towards the piano. “I don’t mind at all. As long as you don’t suck.”

“Guess you’ll have to be the judge of that.”

He started up a soft, slow melody, something you’d never heard before. It was quieter than you’d expected. The most you knew about piano was randomly poking at the keys, you didn’t know it could sound like this. You laid back down on the couch, breathing deeply and trying to cement this moment into your mind. The ceiling was no longer unfamiliar to you, you realized.

You hadn’t noticed how dull your world had become until now, when everything was filled with so much color. The sun shone brighter, the paint on the walls was more vibrant, your blood coursed under your skin with a renewed vigor. Like you were finally emerging from a dark night, the sun was returning to your sky. Your eyes slipped shut, lulled into a deep sense of relaxation by his gentle playing. You hadn’t even realized the music stopped until you felt the back of his hand graze across your cheek.

“You must be tired. I should get you home.”

You checked your phone, sighing as you realized there were only a few hours of daylight left. You hated these short days.

“I don’t wanna go.”

“I know. I don’t want you to go, either.”

“My clothes…” you looked down at yourself, still clad in the clothes he’d given you.

“I’ll get them to you. I’ll see you soon.” He brought you your coat and your shoes, which had somehow ended up in different rooms, and you followed him out of the house.

“Heard there’s a storm coming in,” he mentioned, pointing out the dark clouds looming on the horizon.

“Thank god I’ve got nothing to do but sit at home.”

“Let me know if you get bored,” he smiled down at you. “I’ll trudge through a snowstorm to get you.”

“Uphill both ways, too?”

“Over an active volcano and across a frozen lake. It’s a terrifying journey.”

You rubbed your fingers together in his car, desperately trying to warm up against the frigid air as he drove off. It was quiet between you for a bit, though you could feel the tension of words building behind both of your mouths.

“So…” you began, a thousand words crashing to the front of your mind all at once.

He looked at you for a moment, his eyes inquisitive. That feeling burst through you again, a bolt of pure electricity so intense it made you jump a bit. It was him. He was here with you. He shared the same feelings you'd been hiding and fighting for months.

“So what now?” You asked.

“What do you mean?”

“What are we…what’re we doing? What do you want?” It sounded so silly, coming out of your mouth, such an open-ended question.

“What do you want?”

“I…” you paused, trying to find words that would not come.

“I mean, I’d love it if we were, like…” He didn’t finish, but you could fill in the gaps just fine.

Your head was spinning, and it wasn’t just from the lingering hangover. You’d really never thought it through this far. It had been such a pipe dream in your eyes, to even be this close to him, that you’d never considered what you would actually do if the feeling was mutual. “I need time.” You didn’t want to say it, but your mind won out over your heart. “I need to focus on school. Next year is my last. I can’t fuck it up.”

The light seemed to fade from his eyes, just a little bit, in a way only you would be able to notice. “I get it. I should do the same.”

“But I don’t want to just drag you along for another year. I…” I love you. “I care about you. I want you to be happy.”

“I’ll be plenty happy as long as I get to be near you. I don’t need anything more than that.”

You almost didn’t want that to be true. It was impossible for you to process that he really could like you that much. After all the convincing of your own mind that he barely cared about you, this was a jarring switch.

“You know, I really didn’t think you liked me that much.”

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow at you. “Did I not make it obvious enough?”

Looking back now, he so clearly had, but you’d been too caught up in your doubts to realize it. “I think I was too busy convincing myself that you didn’t like me.”

“Well, if it’s not clear yet, I do like you.”

Every admission of those words was just as shocking as the first.

“Isn’t this nice?” He added as he pulled up to the dorms, throwing the car in park. “We’re actually just talking for once.”

“It is nice.” There was a long pause between the two of you. Neither of you wanted to part. “I should go.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Would you mind if I…” he leaned a bit closer to you, wrapping his arm around the back of your seat. He didn't need to finish his sentence, and you agreed wordlessly, cupping a hand around his cheek.

You kissed him, and it felt so different. It was so delicate, the way he wrapped his fingers around your jaw. His skin was soft under the touch of your fingers, you could feel the slightest hint of stubble when you brushed your thumb across his jawline. Everything felt so real, but it was so hard to believe this was your reality.

“You don’t have to ask every time you kiss me,” you said softly when he pulled away.

“Is it so bad to be respectful?” He grinned. “I just…lo–” His mouth clamped shut, stopping the word, but your body stiffened either way. “Like you. A lot.”

Clearly, both of you would need time to adjust before you could hear that word from your lips.

“I know.” You looked him over, tracing your eyes over that flawless jawline. “Alright. I need to go.”

“Yes, go, go.” He waved his hand at you. “And go take care of that too.” He pointed at your bandaged hand.

You sighed, staring down at the gauze wrapped around your palm. “It’s gonna be such a bitch to deal with this. I wish I could just slap a band aid on it.”

“Hoping it heals nice and fast. Glad it wasn't any deeper, at least.”

“True.” You were making idle talk now, coming up with any excuse to not leave his presence. “Okay, I’m actually gonna go this time.”

“Alright. Take care of yourself. I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Same to you,” you smiled. “See you soon.”

You gave him one last kiss before you hoisted yourself out of his car, bracing against the wind and snow until you made it inside. He waved at you, and drove off, out into what was shaping up to be quite the blizzard.

Finally alone in your room, you didn’t quite know what to do with yourself. You went about your usual motions in a daze, turning on the lights and lighting a candle, before sitting in your bed. Staring at your hands, watching your fingers shake, nothing felt real. Like you were a blade of grass that had been ripped from the ground and thrown to the wind, you had nothing holding you down anymore.

The soreness in your body was a poignant reminder of the night before. That, and the way your hand throbbed if you focused on it a bit too hard. He really harbored a deep, genuine care for you, you thought. He’d been so gentle and thoughtful when he was patching you up, and even the sex just felt different than anything you were used to.

Your room no longer had the cold, dark, empty feel you were so used to. It was brighter, warmer, filled to the brim with the love that poured out from your heart. Even as the light started to fade from the sky, things still felt more vibrant than they had in a long time. You couldn’t bring yourself to do much more than sit around for the remainder of the day, listening to music and scrolling mindlessly on your phone, barely absorbing anything you saw. You were too busy thinking about Sam.

Sweet, sweet Sammy. You were a bit anxious, but excited, to see how this all would play out. Who would say that four-letter word first, the one he almost said in the car earlier? What would happen the next time you saw him? You sighed, falling back and allowing your head to hit your pillows. You needed time to adjust to this, to really comprehend that he wanted you. You needed time to focus on yourself, and that was the hardest part.

Worries started to swirl in the pit of your stomach. You had to hope that he would be willing to be dragged along for an entire year and a half. And you had to hope you would actually be able to focus on your degree, the thing that was most important to you right now. This coming semester, and the year after it, were essential. You needed everything to be perfect if you wanted to continue on to a Master’s some day, like you planned.

And there was still the issue of Jake. You groaned and ran your hands across your face, cursing your past self for being so stupid. If you hadn’t been so touch-starved, so eager to fall into the first set of arms that were offered, you wouldn’t even have to worry about this right now. You’d need to start preparing for how you would go about telling Sam. It would be uncomfortable, maybe even catastrophic, but it would need to be done. You refused to live inside a lie, not forever.

The storm outside began to worsen, wind whipping through the screen on your window and making the building creak and groan. You were finally able to pull yourself out of bed to shower once the light had almost fully left the sky, and snow was packed against your window sill. But before you could, you needed to deal with the gauze on your hand.

Gingerly, you unwrapped it, letting the bloodied bandage fall into the trash. He was right, it wasn’t very deep, but it was long, spanning half the width of your palm, across the lines creased into your skin. It would absolutely leave a scar, a permanent reminder of your first night with Sam. It was fitting, and poetic, in a way that almost annoyed you.

When you returned to your room after your shower, there was a text waiting for you, from Sam.

thanks for coming (lol) last night. i had a great time, hope you did too. miss you already

You giggled to yourself, sitting in bed and hovering your fingers over the keyboard, a wave of giggles hitting you every time you re-read his text. You were so hopelessly in love it was ridiculous. You tried to think of a good way to reply as you taped a band-aid to your palm, which had begun to bleed a bit again during your shower.

i had such a great time :) thanks for making me come (lol)

LMAO

hope u have a good night!

you too miss eclipse

You put your phone down, struck by the urge to scream, or throw something, but in the best way possible. A grin was stuck on your face for the rest of the night. It felt so good to finally have someone like him. It stung a bit that he was so close, yet so far away, but knowing he would come over at the drop of a hat was more than enough to sate you. It was not perfect, but it seemed like things were finally, finally looking up.

[touyazbbygirl]

Taking care of you

Soft hours because Im in pain :p

Mostly GN brief mentioning of a pd in mikeys but nothing cut and dry. No pronouns used, no skin tones used nor hair texture

Ft. Izana, Baji, Mikey, Rindou and Haruchiyo

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・Izana ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

He would try he really would. He was used to being the one being taken care of that he doesnt really know how to take care of someone else.

When they are sick that is, not that he CANT he just struggles sometimes. He buys too much, or not enough

Would call up Kakucho to ask him what to make and what exactly to get when youre really sick or just arent feeling well.

Maybe just having a bad day and all you wanted is some head rubs and to just lay on the bed and cuddles hes on that shit. "Whats the matter sweetheart?" Izana asked as he saw your ran down frame walked through the front door, although just hearing the sound of his voice was all the took for you to finally break down on this one. Tears rimmed your eyes as you just shook your head, Izana coming over to swoop you into his arms and taking you into the bedroom helping you out of your clothing and into some soft PJs and helping you into the bed. "Let me hear all about it my love." He did always need to go to Kakucho for help.

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・Baji ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

ONE WORD

clueless.

much like Izana he was used to being the one taken care of rather than doing the caring.

but he figured it out. After long conversations about what will make you feel better, what food you want to eat when youre sick as well as just him being there always made you feel better.

he has called his mom to ask how to make dishes to make you feel better. After having all day of dealing with just barely making to through seeing Baji walk through the door just gave you that small boost you needed. You felt terrible. you had been in and out of the bathroom all morning throwing up, probably had a stomach bug. "Why didnt you call me I wouldve came home." Baji spoke softly as he pushed back your hair from your face. He sighed softly grabbing a wet washcloth and wiped the corners of your mouth. "Lets run you a bath and Ill get some soup going yeah?" All you could do was nod your head as you sighed, thankful for him being here now.

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・Mikey ・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

unlike Baji and Izana he knows how to take care of you

Thankful to Emma for that, be it a bad day, your period, or just sick he knew what to do. He knew the snacks you like and always has them on hand

He knew you like the back of his hand, although Mikey would never let you know that, hes a shy guy when it comes to relationships.

He would never be against getting you snacks though He would get some for himself too. "I just dont get it I did everything I was told to do and she still wrote me up I dont get it, I just want to quit this place Im so over it." You cried against his chest gripping the fabric of his shirt as his hands rub your back listening and holding on to every single word you spoke. "Its going to be okay Im listening let me hear it all. If you want I can always take care of it my love." Although you knew what he meant you sighed softly as you shook you head. "No just listen to me right now thats all I want"

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・Rindou・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

Rin unlike the rest knew before you even walked through the door that you had a bad day. He knew from the lack of texts and daily little updates that you would send him

He would have the house cleaned, comfy clothes already set out for you as well as a bath made, and dinner on the table ready for you to get home

It was like a boyfriend intuition for him. He loved you, and that was nothing new

He wants the world for you and he would be damned if he wouldnt get that for you.

Walking in the front door as you saw Rindou with flowers in hand, the smell of dinner hitting your nose as you looked at him tears pricking your eyes as a lump formed in the back of your throat. "Hi baby" Rin cooed softly as He caressed your cheek with a small smile on his lips. "Hi" you spoke with a small almost pitiful voice as you wrapped your arms around him. He was a walking green flag after all. "I got the bath ready for you and some comfy clothes for after too. Lets get some food in ya first darling." You were thankful to have him by your side, and you would put your life on the line for that man.

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・Haruchiyo・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

This man, this man right here

Hes so fucking good to you Im sorry but he is very similar to Rin when it comes to being an amazing partner. He would be caring and hes very loyal to his partner as well.

He just loves you so much and it hurts him to see you cry. He hate when he sees you cry and would kill anyone that would make you cry.

But he would also know, the lack of emojis to the lack of texts he got through the day was the big sign for him. Noting that he only got a good morning and you were on your way home text.

He sighed as he looked at the time it was way past the time you would normally get back. He was starting to get worried, he frowned as he finally got the text that you were coming home it was close to midnight by now. Sanzu stood up to get the food ready for you as well as turning on the wax melts to help with how you were feeling. Hearing the door open as the plated the food walking over to you pressing a kiss against your temple "Welcome home, lets eat and I want to hear all about it yeah?"

----

Thanks for reading all rights are mine do not copy, repost anywhere like tiktok, wattpad ect. REBLOGS are okay.

[empress-6-3]

Hazbin Hotel Theory's

I am pretty sure some people had the same thoughts before me but i still want to write about it.

1.

The Angel was probably killed by the power of love / divine power

I think if you fight for someone else and not for your own gain, you unleash good power which is the only thing able to hurt an Angel.

Season 1 will propably end with the Main cast all protecting each other from the angel attack ( they start the extermination at the hotel ) and figuring this out mid fight. Scaring the angels into quitting the attack and Proving all sinners that the hotel works.

Season 2 could than start with everyone wanting to stay at the hotel and some angels hating the idea of sinners going into heaven, planning one big attack. Giving more Focus to an all out battle than we have left. Season one is only 8 episodes so i think this war will only be a set up for next season. With the first beeing more about the forming bonds and proving the dream.

2.

Alastor made a deal with lilith

They were both gone for 7 years.

Also Alastor doesnt seem interested in the cause itself, nor does he Sabotage it. He doesnt try to make a deal with Charlie and is a good supporting guy to the group ( does what he is been told ).

But he isnt a good guy and he hints that he gets something out of this.

Since he holds his end of the deal, it could be that he is currently fullfilling a deal, which includes protecting charlie and supporting her.

Lucifer doesnt know him, so it could only be lilith who made the deal with him.

The 7 years was alastor helping lilith with things so he could gain her trust ( showing that he does keep his end of the deal and is responsible with the task given - no creep towards charlie, etc ) and that the souls under his care are not completly abused like angel = lilith does care about her people. And that he is a charming, calm fellow who can be trusted not to abuse his power. ( the overlord takeout an exclusion, maybe we get more Infos later / there are still old overlords around who like him and he didnt Kill husk to take his Position )

The deal would not be her soul but the souls she has under her. Or otherwise gaining more power through her.

This makes him not a nice guy but not bad either since his goal would only be power for power sake ( he realised he cant keep climbing the letter so the royals where the best think to fix the Problem).

He just seems like a guy who is civil and respectful towards Others but needs confidents in his own powers and feels he needs to improve more. ( those guys who always desire more power for impruvement sake only ). Not to defeat Others but for his own well beeing / calm of mind. To get attention.

So this can be an ending where the power increase would not change his character Behavior. Only explain why he did what he did. Him getting stronger by helping charlie is not really a bad ending, it keeps him selfish enough to never be redeemed but nice enough to still be a Main character.

After all i dont want him to backstab the others or turn into the villain. But i also cant see him not beeing up to anything, for that there are to many hints.

Doing something good for his own sake only but having fun while doing it is a nice compromise between good and evil.

Also lilith would prove that she cares about charlie.

[wc-confessions]

i think i've seen someone say it here once before, but i wanted to say louixie's story makes me super uncomfortable. the "white character shunned for not being black by black characters" motif just feels really off-putting. i think the newest amv where crowsong gets picked on/beat up further confirms that.

from what i've seen, crowsong's story more heavily revolves around the fact that crowsong was ostracized for being born albino. i havent rlly followed the story too much but the most i know is that the clan has a rlly strict genetic selection and has a history of exiling even brown, orange, and lighter grey cats, with crowsong only getting caught in the mix bc the clan had never seen an albino cat before

i can see where youre coming from w this bc i felt put off by it at first too but i dont think that was the intention at all nor do i think there was a real motif put behind it. but if anyone else has any thoughts id love to hear them! i just dont know enough abt the story to rlly have any strong opinions on it

-mod ashensky

I actually made a post abt this on my personal blog, and thank goodness I'm a black person because I can talk abt this directly. No Crowsong's family are definitely not supposed to be black people LOL.

Black coding does not mean the character is literally black, you can have a non-human character that isn't black be black coded and vice versa. Crowsong is very clearly from the same "racial" group as the people she's directly related to I have no idea where this is coming from because this takes place within a clan.

You can tell because their fur is straight as hell (joking) but really the closest I can compare to Crowsong's experience isn't racism but colorism and/or that time in history when everyone hated redheads or when europe decided that left handed people have to be "fixed". There's a ton of other forms of discrimination that are more akin to Crowsong's story than racism.

I feel like people get really hung up of skin/fur color but you need to remember that cats don't have a concept of race, Crowsong is directly related to everyone who is bullying her, albinism is a real thing that people can have, black people are still seen black when they have albinism in the real world, colorism exists in every place in the world regardless of race and discrimination against people with albinism also exists, it's called ableism!

So with all that considered Crowsong's story isn't "reverse racism" or whatever, it's a story abt ableism and/or colorism. That's the real thing ya'll should be analyzing/critiquing because one could say that there's some bad tropes in that story still. - Admin Cloudnettle

[youabandonedthem]

intermission characters incl.team sleuth's opinions on the chemical imbalance theory

spades slick: .

diamonds droog: doesnt really care because hes not mentally ill nor does he personally know anyone who is mentally ill. he sees mentally ill people on the street. is inclined to disbelieve anything slick is this impassioned about. doesn't care to learn anything about it until slick puts together some kind of debriefing-style presentation about it and medical abuse and the industry. doesn't take slicks word as complete truth but won't bother to debunk it. wants him to stop acting like this

hearts boxcars: heard about it sometime many years ago and passively accepted it while not having any reason to think further on it. at some point he hears about it being a disproven theory, maybe from slick, and noncommittally looks online about it when he remembers/has free time/is in the mood to confirm. feels shocked at the information but knows on a greater level what large industries do in the pursuit of money. moves on afterwards because it's not relevant to his life

clubs deuce: trusts in it and believes one in him to be the reason for his anxiety and bouts of sadness. has been told by doctors and infographics about it. believes he is mentally ill but would never make any big deal about it. eventually does online research and comes to a conclusion that the environment can also be a factor in an individual's mental illness, which the chemical imbalance makes them more vulnerable to. (believes in mental illness as defined in DSM)

problem sleuth: has no reason to ever have heard of it, thinks anyone who gets involved in anything mental health related, such as therapy, must be very mentally ill or has been in an asylum (but holds sympathy for these poor insane people), but if it were hypothetically mentioned in his presence he would internally confirm it to be a supporting factor in female hysteria and would make further speculation on how women's brains must be intrinsically different from male brains as a result.

pickle inspector: thinks its a bit rub but uses it to validate his differences and says that everyones brain chemicals "balanced" or "imbalanced" are what make them all very unique, doesnt care to think about it further

ace dick: thnks its very plausible. probably has seen a therapist or gone to some kind of couples therapy involving wife and has heard of it. has no reason to disbelieve. probably takes pills for mild depression/anxiety on doctor's recommendation and has some kind of noir fanfiction scene about it

itchy: wouldn't focus on one topic long enough to learn about it… he would probably love tik tock…. watching it out loud all day long… after crowbar bans tick tock he switches to youtube shorts and watches a 'pop psychology' video talking about it and takes it as fact. however has no personal reltaion to the topic. it is merely one of many things he sees on a short video and regurgitates to others.

doze: i dont believe anyone has ever exposed him to this topic in any form.he must have a very isolated mind. he may have formed some of his own theories on many topics but i think everyone talks over him most of the time so we would have no way of knowing

trace: only formed an opinion if he heard someone he considers smart talking about it first. otherwise he didn't really think about this

clover: completely irrelevant to his life. he seems to note immediate behaviours only so he can choose some way to act or narrate a situation based on whatever is physically happening. may note trends in a detached way

fin: knows it's true because he thinks some people are just very stupid and others are masterminds from birth. the phenomenon must apply to other variables. tries to remember the name,because he knows a few people who have those kinds of problems in their brain, and then refers to his fellow gang member die, who is crazy in the head, and his fellow gang members eggs and biscuits, who are stupid, and they were born that way so it makes sense that the chemicals in their brain must make them that way.

die: uses it to affirm that there is something extremely wrong with him that makes him fundamentally different from everyone else. goes on and off of various medications that he is recommended to try. probably eventually settles on some kind of cocktail involving medications to offset the side effects of other medications but will sporadically quit the cocktail and experience withdrawals. has therapist appointments that he skips occasionally. passively thinks he will never "get better" and that nothing can ever "fix" him. however is not too concerned about it and often just focuses on whatever goals he has rather than spending time thinking about his mental state

crowbar: thinks it's somewhat plausible, somewhat rubbish, knows that depression is a symptom of vitamin D deficiency and connects it to the 'imbalance' of brain chemicals which gives it some credibility in his mind but he doesn't want to assume before doing his own research. learns about it during his spare time and shows his nuanced, informed opinion saying there's not any one 'big pharma' organisation that promoted the theory while it was widely believed in part due to medication advertisements… statements that his gang members derive very little out of. otherwise regards an individual and their personality first rather than any mental illness. describes his gang members as having "mental problems" due to their behaviour the way mark linkous describes his dog but thinks no further on the statement

snowman: doesn't have much concern for the topic and has no reason to do any research of her own. but if she hypothetically had a close contact suffering from issues she didn't understand she would feel curious and go out of her way to seek information about it from a trusted source (professional individual or written, NON-internet based knowledge). what this source tells her is what she would believe. still doesnt care and wouldnt use the knowledge for any purpose merely her own personal records

stitch: thinks of depression as an emotion, knows some people have more struggles than others, believes everyone can overcome any issue with hard work and mental discipline and would laugh if someone thought they were fundamentally broken

sawbuck: no clue just no clue

matchsticks: not enough information to say

eggs/biscuits: they have both formed their own rudimentary, spiritual ideas of a 'chemical imbalance' from being told all the time how fundamentally stupid they are

quarters: not enough information but he seems like he would take the concept of depression very seriously and could be unexpectedly sympathetic to anyone he thinks has a mental illness

cans: not enough information..

[bridgyrose]

Cinder took a step back as a beowolf snarled at her, arms shaking with the weight of the swords in her hands. Learning about the grimm through the books that Summer gave her was much different than seeing them in person. The way it snarled, the way it walked, it was just like a monster from a nightmare.

“I know you’re scared, but I need you to focus!” Summer yelled out. “Remember your training. I wont let you get hurt but I need you to take a deep breath and get in your stance!” 

Cinder took a breath and stepped forward to put her left foot in front. Her swords stayed in front of her, left blade in front with the right behind it. She watched the grimm as it took a step forward, taking one more step back to mirror it’s movement. Her heart raced as she kept watch of each movement. 

The grimm howled and lunged at Cinder. She closed her eyes and put her swords up to block, her body freezing as she heard a shot ring out from behind her. She opened her eyes to see the grimm in front of her disappearing into smoke as she lowered her swords. 

Summer lowered her rifle and sighed. “Maybe you’re not ready for this.” 

“I-I can do this!” Cinder yelled out as she sheathed her swords. “I’m not giving up-” 

“I’m not asking you to give up, I just think you’re not ready to be facing grimm yet. You’ve only been training for a couple years now, and even with the starting academies trainees dont face grimm until their third year. We’ll go back to the village and start looking for some work you can help out with. Maybe there’s a few thugs we need to deal with. Or a lost cat we can find.” 

“Let me try again.” 

Summer sighed and put a hand on Cinder’s shoulder. “Its okay to be scared. Grimm are dangerous creatures and shouldnt be taken lightly.” 

Cinder frowned and pulled away, hand reaching for her sword again. “I said I’m ready. I want to try again.” 

“One more try. Like before, I’ll be right behind you.” 

Cinder let out a sigh and started to make her way deeper into the forest as she kept her eyes open for grimm. She wasnt ready to stop training, nor did she want to give up on trying to fight grimm. And yet, she couldnt get the beowolf out of her thoughts. Her heart raced as she thought of the way those red eyes stared into her soul, the ear piercing howl that echoed through the air, the ichor that dripped from its mouth, the way the bone plating seemed to reflect the light almost like armor. 

She flinched as Summer took her arm, hand gripping the hilt of her sword. Then, she stopped once she realized she had almost walked right into a tree. 

“Its okay if you’re scared,” Summer reassured her. “All huntsmen go through this. The first time you face grimm will always be daunting. They’re monsters that are as old as Remnant that take on the forms of beasts that have scared humanity, some grimm even take on forms you’d only see in nightmares. You’re not expected to succeed on your first try.” 

“If I dont, then you’ll quit training me,” Cinder said quietly as she pulled her hand off her sword. “So I have to be ready to face grimm. I cant lose this.” 

“Who said I’ll quit training you?” 

“Mother.” 

Summer frowned for a moment, then pulled Cinder to her. “I wont stop training you if you cant fight grimm today. No matter how long it takes for you to be ready to fight grimm, I’ll make sure you’re ready to be a huntress. And maybe you can help me train my daughters if they want to be huntresses.” 

Cinder smiled a bit and looked up at Summer. “You really think I could?” 

“I do. They’re a bit younger than you are, but they’ll be training soon enough and then-” 

“And then what?” Cinder asked just before she was stopped by Summer pulling on her collar. In front of her was a large tree with cuts made from a blade. “What made this.” 

“Not what, who.”

Cinder took a step back as Summer pulled her behind. She watched her mentor study the cuts, her own curiosity getting the better of her as she started to make her way around the tree. “Maybe someone was testing their weapon? Or its just a grimm-” 

“Its not a grimm.” Summer sighed as she pulled a piece of cloth from inside the cut. “We should go.” 

“Why? Its just cuts-” 

“We’re done training for today.” 

“But Summer-” 

“I said we’re done!” 

Cinder flinched as Summer raised her voice, her legs shook as she started to follow her mentor quietly. It wasnt like her to yell at her, nor to be this quick to stop training. “Back to the village then?” 

“Back to the village and then we’ll take the first airship back to Atlas,” Summer answered. “I need to get you back to the hotel-” 

“So you can abandon me?” 

“-to make sure you’re safe.” 

Cinder frowned and pulled away. “What’s going on? Why are you so scared?” 

Summer let out a soft sigh and turned to look at Cinder. “I’m not scared and its not safe for you. Those weapon marks were made by someone dangerous.” 

“Who?” Cinder asked. “You can tell me!” 

“He’s someone you dont need to- watch out!” 

Cinder felt herself get pulled away and pushed into a tree. She winced as she took a breath and tried to pick herself up, dropping as she watched a man with blades on his wrists fight with Summer. Her blood froze as she heard a howl from the distance. Then another and another. 

A pack of beowolves rushed out of the forest, blocking her view of Summer. Once the beowolves were gone, so was Summer, her axe stuck in the ground. Cinder finally picked herself up and stumbled her way over to Summer’s weapon. She struggled to pick it up, stumbling back as she pulled it out. “Summer! Summer!” 

Cinder shivered as the wind started to pick up as she started to follow the tracks in the dirt. Human footprints mixed with grimm led her deeper into the forest. The sky darkened as the sun set and clouds blocked the moonlight. The howls of beowolves started to grow closer as she looked for a cave or a hollowed tree to take shelter in, only to stop when she saw a pair of red glowing eyes in the shadows. 

A beowolf larger than any she’d seen stepped out of the treeline, growling as it stared at her. She readied her swords to fight, only to be knocked down as the grimm swung its claws at her, her aura starting to flicker from the hit. She sliced at its bone mask, her sword glancing off it as if she hadnt even struck at it. 

The beowolf growled as it picked her up and threw her into a rock, Cinder’s aura shattering as she let out a groan. The beowolf growled as it walked to her, only to stop, sniff the air, and then run off. 

Cinder picked herself up once more, holding her side once she felt a trickle of blood run down. It didnt take long for her to drop to her knees as her vision started to blur. “S-Summer!” she called out. “Where… where are you?” A smile crossed her lips for a moment as she saw a woman walk closer to her, only for it to fade when she didnt see Summer. 

The woman stopped in front of her and knelt down to look her over. “Another child left out here to die. Those huntsmen never stop, do they?” 

“Who… who are you?” Cinder asked, the words struggling to leave her lips. “Where’s… where’s Sum-” she quieted as she felt a finger on her lips. 

“Dont speak, you’re too injured,” the woman said as she extended a pale hand to Cinder. “But I can help you. And then we can look for this Summer together.” 

Cinder nodded as she caught a glimpse of the woman’s face under the hood. Black and red eyes looked at her, almost sorry for the state she was in. “You… you can… help me?” 

“I can.” 

Cinder took the woman’s hand, only to pause when she heard Summer’s voice. 

“Cinder!” Summer called out. “Cinder! Where are you?!” 

“Sum-mer?” Cinder tried to ask. “I… I need to get to Summer.” 

“You need to heal.” 

Cinder winced as she was picked up, her eyes closing as her tiredness caught up to her. “Who… who are you?” 

“You can call me Salem,” Salem answered as her hand started to glow. “Dont worry, I’ll heal you, and then you can come find me.” 

Cinder nodded as her eyes closed and her body started to feel numb. When her eyes opened again, she was greeted with the ceiling of an inn and the bright light from the lamp on the bedside table next to her. She sat up and winced, a hand reached for her side and stopped when she felt bandages wrapped around her. 

“Drink,” Summer said as she offered a cup of water to Cinder. “You werent looking too good when I found you again.” 

“You… you left me,” Cinder said, her voice hoarse from nonuse. She stared into the water she was given to drink, her arms shook as she saw red eyes from the alpha beowolf staring back at her. “You disappeared and left me. Was that supposed to be part of the training?” 

Summer sighed and sat down. “I didnt mean to leave you like that. The man who attacked, he wanted me, not you. So I led him away from you so he wouldnt use you against me.” 

Cinder nodded slowly and stood up, legs shaky as she got dressed. “I’m… I’m ready to train again.” 

“You need to rest-” 

“I’m fine and I need to train!” Cinder winced after she put her shirt on, her hand reached for her side again as a sore pain ran through her spine. When she pulled her hand away, she expected to see blood, instead the bandages were still clean. “I need to be ready to fight that grimm again.” 

“What you need to do is take a few days to heal up.” Summer stood up and put a hand on Cinder’s shoulder. “You still have a broken rib and the doctor said its a miracle that you were still breathing. Once you’re healed, we’ll go back to Atlas and train there.” 

Cinder pulled away from Summer’s hand and growled at her. “I need to train!” 

“...fine, but only for a little bit. We’ll take it easy, maybe an hour or two, and then we’re back here.” 

Cinder nodded and finished getting ready, swords sheathed on her hips as she made her way out of the inn and towards the edge of the village. Even as her side started to hurt, she pressed on forward to train. She had to be ready to fight grimm, needed to be ready to prove herself. 

The air turned cold as the wind picked up, black clouds blotted out the sun as thunder cracked in the sky above. Cinder panted as she felt the first set of raindrops hit her skin, already tired from the walk out. Though, what surprised her most was the lack of grimm. 

Summer motioned to a rock for Cinder to sit down on. “Go ahead and rest and we’ll make our way back once you’re ready.” 

“You said we could train,” Cinder said as she sat down. “We can find some grimm-” 

“And as much as I’d love to train, its best for us to rest while it rains. Sure, real missions dont care what the weather’s like, but right now, your health is what I care about.” 

Cinder rolled her eyes, but didnt argue as she kept watch around them. Then, she heard a howl from the forest, followed by a pack of beowolves as they stalked out of the brush and trees. She stood up and winced as she unsheathed her swords, until Summer stepped in front of her. 

“Go back to the village,” Summer said calmly. “I can hold the grimm off while you warn everyone.” 

“I want to help,” Cinder said as her voice shook. “I… I want to make sure that I’m ready to fight grimm.” 

Summer raised her rifle and aimed at the grimm in front. “If you start to tire, run. There’s no shame in running.” 

Cinder nodded and readied herself as she heard a crack of thunder from Summer’s rifle. Her eyes stayed glued to the grimm in front of her as she waited for them to come. Another shot rang from her mentor’s rifle as the grimm came closer. Once they were only a few feet away, Cinder took a breath and rushed forward to fight the grimm. 

She swung her blades at the closest grimm to her, smiling when she finally struck a leg to one of the beowolves. As another lunged at her, she took a step back and sliced around to hit its stomach. A rush of adrenaline help her relax and ignore her pain as she moved around, attacking grimm after grimm as she tried to use everything she was taught to keep her safe. Her aura flickered as she was scratched and bit, and yet, nothing could stop her. 

“Watch-” 

Cinder froze when she realized one of her swords had broken Summer’s aura and pierced through her side. She let go of her swords, one dropped to the ground while the other stayed in Summer’s side. The grimm around them almost seemed to stop as if they were waiting. “I-I didnt mean to…” 

Summer reached for her scroll and pressed a button just as she fell to the ground, motionless. Her scroll fell out of her grip, a S.O.S signal pinging out to anyone nearby. 

Cinder took a few steps back until she felt herself run deeper into the forest as the sound of an airship could be heard flying overhead. Her heart raced as her legs shook with each step, the only thought in her mind was to run as far as away as she could. Even if Summer was going to survive, she was sure she’d be blamed for what happened. And she didnt want to get sent back to Atlas to work at that hotel. 

Finally, she dropped to the ground as her legs gave out from under her. Cinder winced as she tumbled across the ground, and when she looked up, she saw Salem in front of her. 

Salem extended a hand to her, her voice as calm as it had always been. “Looks like you’re in trouble. Come with me, and I’ll make sure you stay safe.” 

Cinder hesitated as she looked up at Salem, unsure how far she could trust the woman. But as the sounds of an airship started to come closer, she took Salem’s hand and nodded. Then, in a blink of an eye, she felt herself get pulled with Salem away from the forest. 

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