#but it's something I'd always considered would've happened

[shdysders]

letters with grief

pairing: jenna ortega & female!reader

summary: in which jenna visits you, with a letter.

word count: 2k

warnings: mentions of verbal fights & car accident

author’s note: i actually really like this one, lmk if something doesn’t make sense.

The air was all crisp and cool, the trees were wearing their fiery coats of orange, red, and yellow, and the breeze danced through the leaves.

The gentle wind tousling Jenna's hair, making it fall in front of her face, obstructing her view of the gravel path she walked on were a few orange leafs had made its appearance.

"Hello gorgeous.." Jenna said, receiving no answer except for the autumn breeze that blew heavier onto her figure.

She carefully lowered herself onto the velvety carpet of autumn's golden blades, crossing her legs. Hands digging in the pockets of her jacket. Your jacket.

"I..uhm.. I wrote a letter..for you" She sniffled, her nose growing red and runny from the cold weather and the inappropriate garments for the fall.

Jenna carefully unfolded the letter, and as the paper unfurled, a gentle symphony of whispers filled the air, captivating her senses.

The piece of paper revealed the long text, the letters were messy and all over the place, looking like a jumbled puzzle, with words scattered and tangled like a messy room.

A chuckle erupted from Jenna's mouth as she could hear you giggle and make fun of her gibberish handwriting, like you always did. Every single time she wrote the grocery list or anything at all, you would joke and make small comments about her sloppy writing.

"I know.." Jenna smiled softly, tucking her brown hair behind her ears. "Who even writes letters anymore?.." She scrunched her nose, your laughter basically echoing in her eardrums.

She fiddled with the letter, almost considering the option of just not reading it at all, however she knew she had to. Otherwise she would never get this out, which meant she would have to feel this closed feeling within her at all times, and Jenna knew she couldn't live with that.

"But.. I didn't know how else I'd get this out of my head.." She continued.

A year ago, Jenna would be laughing at what she was doing in this moment, she would've felt ridiculous. Talking about a handwritten letter when she knew she wouldn't get any answers.

However she pushed those thoughts away, exhaling deeply before her shaky voice began appearing.

"I'm so sorry that the fame affected you and your family as well.." Jenna could already feel tears burning in her eyes, just the thought of you made her nose start to run uncontrollably, how could she ever tell you all of the things the letter contained?

Jenna knew very well that the fame would have a big influence on you, she had told you that multiple times before you became an official couple. But when she had explained it; she meant that the paparazzi and the headlines could be the influence, not that she would be it herself.

Everybody knew relationships in the spotlight were complicated, it was common knowledge. Even Jenna knew that. But she had never thought about what the complications might've been based on. In fact, she couldn't even tell when the conflicts actually happened.

Jenna never knew where all of the rage came from. It might've been stress, anxiety or something completely unrelated to any of those, regardless of the underlying reasons, she was aware that her actions towards you were inexcusable.

She would never be able to forgive herself for having those outbursts at you. You were never doing anything wrong. Never.

You would wait up for her whenever she was having late night shootings. You would prepare nice meals for her whenever she arrived home, so she wouldn't go to sleep with an empty stomach. You would hold her tight and brush your fingers through her hair until she fell asleep, knowing she always had a hard time sleeping alone.

You did everything she could've possibly asked for, but Jenna never gave anything back.

She hadn't realized it at first. Not until she had scared you so badly that you had stormed out of your shared apartment.

Jenna would arrive home, scream at you for things you couldn't control, start unnecessary arguments that were either non-existent or non-current or sometimes ignore you fully.

She would call you repulsive things just because you didn't talk back, sometimes even blaming you for the stress situations she met at her job.

You didn't know what was happening to her, watching her turn from this sweet loving girlfriend, to a ticking bomb who would explode any moment without any reason.

She would burst at you for being quiet, but she would also rage if you were too talkative. You had no idea how to act around her, she was never going to be pleased.

Jenna did know that she was being unusually unpleasant to be around. Although she had thought that it was only temporarily, that it would disappear when she finished wrapping the stress filled projects she was working on.

She wanted to be better. She wanted to be better for you. She knew you deserved way more than what she was giving you. Despite she never made an effort to get better. Even though she wanted to.

Yet that night. Everything had flipped.

"You were right.." Jenna mustered a laugh, but vulnerability seeped through, turning it into an awkward melody, while her tears danced, trying to wipe them away.

"I needed real help." She continued, swallowing the lump in her throat. Fiddling with the edge of the paper. "Like you told me."

The pit in Jenna's stomach got deeper when she realized that you had been right the whole time.

When Jenna had arrived home that night, you had been situated in the couch, waiting for her, like you always did. However, something had been different. The way you tensed when Jenna came home, the way your hands were almost shaking.

Jenna was trying to keep her outburst within her this time. She noticed you were scared, so she knew that was for the best.

But something inside of her switched when you had opened your mouth.

You had told her that you thought it would be suitable for Jenna to seek help for her recent outbursts and raging personality. You thought that if she would be able to talk about her feelings, maybe she wouldn't take them out on you.

Obviously, you were wrong. It had been the complete opposite.

The rage and stress had taken over Jenna's body, making her scream and ramble stuff she didn't know existed in her.

She couldn't remember everything she had said. But the things she could reminisce were things that almost made her feel the need to throw up.

You had watched Jenna with eyes wide open from fear, backing away from her, afraid that she would eventually get the idea to hit you.

You had apologized repeatedly while she was screaming at you, telling you everything she thought you 'had done wrong' and why you should've been the one seeking help instead.

Eventually, she had screamed for you to get out of the apartment, that she couldn't stand the look of you and didn't want to see you again. You couldn't do anything else but follow her screaming instructions, too afraid to revolt and see what she would do next.

When you had left, Jenna had tried to calm herself down. She had planned on apologizing to you when she got back, because she knew you would. Sure, she had been a bitch, but she was sure you would still come back. Right?

"I just.." Jenna exhaled and closed her eyes, trying to imagine your face in front of her, like that would make the letter easier to read out.

"I wanted you to know that what happened afterwards had nothing to do with you.."

The tears began rolling faster down her cheeks as Jenna recalled the thousands of text messages she had sent you that night. When she didn't receive an answer to any of them, she just thought that you were probably still upset.

But when evening time arrived and you had yet to arrive home, she began to feel worried; you had never been gone for the night whenever she raged at you. Maybe she pushed you too far? She couldn't tell, since she couldn't remember half the things she had said.

She didn't remember anything that had exploded out of her mouth. She didn't remember telling you that she couldn't stand the sight of you, when she was the one in the wrong.

The things she did remember was how the local police departments number had popped up on her phone, and how she had answered the call with a shaky voice and hands.

She remembered dropping the phone on the floor, the screen almost breaking due the hard tiles.

She remembered rushing to the hospital the second she heard you were there. She remembered running into the building, hearing the nurses explain that your survivor chances were low due the extreme crash.

You had been hit. By a drunk truck driver. He had survived. Almost leaving the scene with no injuries.

You weren't that lucky.

You didn't make it.

It had been revealed later that you had zero chances of living. The staff had just told her that you did because they wanted her to think that. But in reality, you were already unconscious when they arrived at the scene.

Jenna never got the chance to see you again. Just like her raging wishes had said.

That's why everything that happened wasn't your fault. It was all hers.

Jenna couldn't live with herself knowing you passed thinking she hated you. Nothing felt right when you weren't around.

When she now arrives home at night, the apartment is empty. There's no warmth when she walks into the hall, no embrace or cooked dinner, no lit candles except for the ones that remained lit next to the photo of you.

She hated thinking of it. The fact that you were gone. You weren't with her anymore, and you never would be.

Yet, at the same time she felt like that was what she deserved. She treated you like a burden, she told you that you were a burden. So why would she have the rights to feel sorrowful?

Jenna didn't deserve you. She knew that. That's why she liked to think that your soul went somewhere better than here.

You were too nice for this world. You had to be somewhere else.

You used write letters to Jenna every month, telling her your favorite things about her and how much you loved her. The letters lessened when she got so mad every night.

And now she'd never get them anymore.

Jenna let out a sob as she thought of you. The tears staining the letter. "I'm so sorry you can't be here..here where you wanted to be." Her voice was quivering, shaky breaths coming out.

Your zest for life was something Jenna always admired in you. Always seeing the positive side and wanting the best for everyone. Even if they did something horrible to you.

And it was for that reason Jenna knew that you probably would've forgiven her for this too. Even though it got you killed.

"I can feel you everywhere I go." Jenna wiped her streaming tears with the sleeve of her shirt, trying to prevent the salty water on the paper to smudge out the letters.

Your laugh, your smile, your love and touch. It was everywhere with her. Every single thing about you that she loved so dearly, the things that she didn't appreciate in the last months she had with you.

She had taken everything with you for granted.

If she closed her eyes hard enough at night, she could see you, hear you, and feel you, the way you were, the way you were always meant to be.

Jenna knew she couldn't get by without you. But she knew she deserved to live in pain for the rest of her life, for what she did to you.

No matter how much work and interviews she buried herself in, no matter how much she cried and begged for you to come back, no matter how many times she'd visit your grave and beg for forgiveness, you'd always be gone.

"I love you. And I'm sorry.."

[creedslove]

WHO KNEW? 💍💔 - PART TWO

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

"You took my hand, you showed me how

You promised me you'd be around (...)

I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me (...)

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong

I know better, 'cause you said forever, and ever, who knew?"

Summary: even against your wishes, your bond with the Millers straightens and a series of events causes you and Joel to get closer, enough to spike the fear of falling again for him

• This is the second part of Who Knew? 💍💔 Which was also inspired by this amazing HEADCANON request

Warnings: angst, broken hearts, mentions of divorce, mentions of infidelity, fluff, age gap (Joel is four to five years older than reader and the time skip is 12 to 14 years (Sarah's age) but feel free to imagine whatever you want), house breaking, protective Joel, sexual tension

A/N: so besties, I've been obsessed with this idea, and I hope you enjoy it as well! I mean, I've been writing a little more than 1k words a day, there were some parts I thought were good and some were not so good, as a final result, I don't know, I really hope you all enjoy it my lovelies! It's so hard to resist Joel, isn't it?

10.4k words

If someone told you one day, after a decade of being divorced from Joel due to the huge heartbreak he put you through, your bond with the Millers would straighten once more, you would stand up and punch them out. It was so ridiculously absurd to think you would become closer to the man who chewed you up and spat you out and even if he had indeed changed and was a better person, wasn't enough to make you forget what happened. Yes, you had forgiven him, but not forgotten what went on between the two of you, and even if a part of you desperately begged you to stay away and never talk to Joel again, destiny was pretty ironic at its doings and made you and his daughter, Sarah, become friends. You didn't mean to, and you were sure that if it were up to him, he wouldn't have said yes either, but you never knew she was his daughter and he never knew his daughter's friend was… well, you.

After he did some working at your home, he had asked you out, which you actually considered, but then dismissed the idea completely, there was no way you would put yourself through that again, even if he was even more handsome than when he was young, even if he did make your heart race and pound like you were some inexperienced teenager and even if late at night before falling asleep you closed your eyes and replayed in your mind the last kiss you cherished. Even if you focused hard enough and could still feel his warmth, the heavy grip of his hand on your waist, the way his beard that now was sprinkled with grays here and there scratched your skin and how Joel Miller still had the best kiss you'd ever tried. For a moment it had felt so right, even if it was wrong, and a hidden part of you, the part that just maybe didn't despise Joel that much often allowed you to wonder what would actually happen if you had given him a chance to take you out, would it have been really that bad? You would've gone somewhere to drink or grab something to eat, hang out, perhaps even dance and of course you would end up in Joel's bed, hardly any woman would pass up this opportunity. For a moment you wish it could've been that way, but unfortunately, you and Joel were done. After you turned him down you still shared a last kiss and then you both went back to your own lives, the only thing that connected the two of you in the past was the failed marriage you had just as the only thing that connected the two of you in the present was Sarah.

She was the loveliest girl you'd ever met in your life, so smart and sweet, always kind to everyone, responsible and even if you had had problems with her dad, you couldn't help but feel sorry for her and the fact her own mother didn't want to be around; it sounded crazy to you that woman could give up her chance of being the mother of a wonderful little girl like Sarah, even if Joel had killed any kind of desire of getting involved with someone to the point of building up a family. Not to mention Joel himself, he was a handsome, hard-working man, and he had been a good husband before Angela ruined your life. You knew she wasn't the only one to blame, Joel was a real dick, but now you certainly had two reasons to hate her: the fact she ruined your marriage and that she abandoned her daughter.

After Joel took over the renovations in your home, Sarah continued coming over and even if you felt sort of guilty from keeping the truth from her, you also knew it wasn't your place to tell her, if anything, you and Joel needed to do it together. You couldn't ruin the perfect image she had of her dad, because he was a great father to her and no one could deny that. Overall, you really enjoyed her presence; it wasn't uncommon for her to tag along during lunch time or spend the afternoon reading on your couch. Sometimes you wondered if she didn't have enough friends to hang out with, after all, Joel was busy throughout the day and any teen would take the opportunity of freedom to do whatever shit they wanted with them without having to give their parents the time of the day, but that didn't make any sense, not with Sarah being a sociable girl like she was, so when the realization that she sort of envisioned you as a motherly figure at some level, you felt quite shocked. If life hadn't pulled some unfunny tricks along your way, she could've easily been yours and Joel's daughter. You tried to shake it off and pretend she didn't see you that way, but looking back at your interactions it was undeniable; Sarah opened up to you about things she certainly didn't with Joel, from the pain of periods, to problems with girl friends and boys. It was amusing until Sarah began questioning you about it, asking you about your love life, past relationships and why you were single. You felt bad about not telling her the whole truth, but it was a complicated situation. Especially when she came up with the idea she really considered it to be genius

"Why don't you date my dad?!"

She asked you one lazy afternoon, making you choke softly at the water you were drinking, looking at her shocked and speechless for a while, her sweet smile was impossible to make you get mad at her, and above all it was a genuine question, she wasn't just messing with you.

"What?! My dad looks good, he works hard and he would make you very happy!" She cheered innocently, which caused your heart to sink.

"No… I wouldn't date your dad, he's incompatible… I mean, we are incompatible, I'm sure we wouldn't get along"

"Why?! Is it because you have more money than us? Dad does say you are way out of his league"

And you were shocked and speechless once more. Joel had talked about you to Sarah? And he had told her you were out of his league? This information should have made you scoff and roll your eyes, and not make your cheeks heat up while you blushed.

"No Sarah, Jesus no! It's got nothing to do with money or anything… I mean, your dad works hard and he should earn more than he does, because he is very dedicated and well, an honest working man like Joel can be worth a lot more than a rich guy, trust me" you sighed as she stared at you intently "but the thing is… I've been married once, I was too young, it was disastrous, it didn't work obviously, I got hurt and well… your dad sort of reminds me of him, my ex-husband I mean… It's hard to explain, but no, I wouldn't date your father"

You hated that you lied to her, well, half lies at least, but you wished you could be honest, Sarah was an important part of your life and it would be a lot easier if you three would come clean about everything that happened; on the other hand, you couldn't even imagine the mess you would make in her poor little head, as it was pretty messy and fucked up for you as well whenever you stopped to think you were friends with your ex-husband's daughter, the one he had with the woman he cheated on you with and that simply walked out and abandoned him. It even sounded made up, so you offered her just the piece of information you could. Sarah reached out to you, taking your hand in hers and caressing your knuckles, she gave you a sympathetic look and nodded

"I'm so sorry… I can't even imagine how you must feel, he didn't deserve you anyway, you can be sure you are way better than him, and well, I am just glad dad isn't like that, he's a nice guy, he would never do such a thing to anyone. I just feel like he deserved more too, you know? That woman… my mom, even if she shouldn't be called that, just broke his heart and disappeared. Uncle Tommy told me she never really wanted to have me in the first place and if it weren't for dad, you know…" She looked down trying to hide the thick sadness that fogged her face and it was your turn to reach to her, taking her hand, but seeing it wasn't enough as you got up and walked to Sarah, giving her a hug.

"I don't know, I just wish dad would find a nice girl like yourself and then he could be happy, I mean, we all could…"

•••

Joel groaned at how annoying his brother really was, he didn't get why Tommy would always pry into his fucking business instead of handling his own life, Joel was a grown man and he didn't need anyone trying to set him up with women or just inviting him out out of pity. He could take care of himself; he didn't need to meet women or be in a relationship, he was fine the way he was, his life was already way too hectic the way it was, whenever he felt lonely he could just pick up some woman at a bar and get laid and then go back to his everyday routine. And yet both Tommy and Sarah kept on getting on his nerves, always suggesting him to one girl or another or trying to drag him on double dates. When Sarah had casually told him to ask you out, completely oblivious to the fact he had already done it and you shut him out, Joel was at a loss of words, he tried playing cool but he couldn't deny the mess his feelings had become. He wasn't sure how to suppress them, not after that one kiss. That must've meant something, you wouldn't just give him a speech of how uninterested you were and how you two would never work out again and then kiss him like that, you probably still had feelings for him, if not feelings, at least desire, and as much as he would love to act on it, he didn't want to force things up, to he pushy and make you uncomfortable. He'd hurt you too many times to learn that if you'd asked him to stay away, he should stay away. Not only that, Tommy was completely onboard with everything you had said, to him, the fact Joel was crushing on his ex-wife more than a decade after breaking her heart was a clear sign of madness. He figured Joel still had feelings for you, even if Tommy wasn't one to settle down, he couldn't understand how his brother went from madly in love with his pretty young wife to a terrible husband and finally the asshole who dumped her for another woman. He knew that the passion Joel felt for Angela was strong, but even more than just a burning passion, lay that undying love he'd felt for you, and he was sure it wouldn't simply go away, which didn't necessarily mean that Joel surrendering to that love was a smart move. Quite the opposite, it was probably the dumbest thing Tommy had ever heard in his entire life. How could Joel even keep any hopes of getting with you again?! It hadn't worked, too many people got hurt and all he wanted was that his brother could actually see that, so he simply discouraged Joel from getting anywhere near you, as if it wasn't bad enough Sarah had been dragged accidentally into this story, he didn't want his brother suffering around. So he set his brother up on a date, something that Joel hated with passion but since he was feeling particularly hopeless that night he ended up accepting it.

He was usually very against being set up on blind dates, but Joel had created a depressing ritual of always going out and grabbing a drink whenever he came across the date that would've marked his wedding anniversary with you. Joel often heard men were forgetful and didn't remember important dates, but he had never been like that, always keeping the important dates fresh in his mind was something common, ever since he was a child, especially when they brought him strong emotions, such as the ones he shared with you. He thought it was a little stupid at first, but he found out that it helped him cope with the guilt and the doubts that always clouded up his mind. He would sit at a bar and wonder where you could be, how your life would have been like and if you ever thought of him. It sort of became his thing, but this year, for the first time, he knew the exact answers to his questions, and it was so odd, he decided to take Tommy's suggestions to go out with a friend of his brother's girlfriend, he didn't really care nor paid attention, he just exchanged numbers with her, showered and got dressed after work and headed for the restaurant.

And just as he had predicted, it had been another disastrous date. Not that the girl wasn't pretty, she was, but she was just exhausting; her conversation was tiring, her subjects were boring and overall, she just wasn't you. Joel didn't understand why he was having it so bad for you, he knew he shouldn't, he should forget about it all and focus on something else, but as much as he tried not to think of you, more he thought of you. It was maddening. He couldn't help himself but compare the two of you: you were prettier, smarter, funnier, you dressed and smelled better than that random stranger he saw himself being forced to have dinner with. And he wished with all his heart you could be on that date with him; if only you gave him just one chance to show you he was a better man, he would never hurt you like he did before, give you a chance to redeem himself and make you happy exactly the way you deserved it, he would be the happiest man in the world. Life wasn't gonna make things easier for him, and deep down, he knew he didn't even deserve it in the first place, so he tried once more paying attention to his date, which didn't last very long and the moment he saw the opportunity to leave, he grabbed it like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean and headed to a bar - alone, and only after paying for the check, after all, Joel Miller was still a gentleman.

Your wedding anniversary had always been a tricky date for you; there were years you went completely unaffected by it and years you felt like dying. For the first time, however, you were closer to Joel than you'd always been in the years before, and because of that, you decided you deserved better than just stay home and have some bland dinner by yourself, you would go out and perhaps meet other people… And your plan went really smoothly for a while; you got to a nice bar, dressed nicely, dragging some male attention towards you and even got paid a drink by a handsome stranger who waved from afar. It felt like a promising night, until Joel Miller walked in and looked for a table, and he looked devilish handsome as he did so. You bit your lips feeling the alcohol rushing towards one direction at the same time you censored yourself: no matter how lonely and needy you were feeling nor how handsome he was, you couldn't simply feel the hots for him. As if he'd just read your mind, Joel turned around, his eyes falling right on you, his gaze softened up and you saw him running his tongue through his lips, deciding whether or not to walk towards you.

Of course he did it.

The moment he approached, Joel noticed the sadness in your eyes and he was sure you were the for the exact same reason he was, and it was just another motive to get closer to you; taking the chair next to you, he asked the bartender for a drink and as soon as he had it in hands, he stared at you.

"Happy wedding anniversary, darling" he tilted his glass against yours, as you just nodded and took a long sip.

"Happy wedding anniversary, handsome" you replied in a mockery tone using the old nickname you used for him. Handsome was a word that really described him, your Joel. He had always been a handsome man, but how well time treated him was impressive to say the least. He looked so good, he was bigger, broad and stronger. His dark hair had become a little grayer, just like a few patches all over his beard, and that suited him like a damn velvet glove. The way his shirt hung tight around his shoulders and down his arms, eyes lingering on him for way too long, as a warmth spread through your cheek and Joel chuckled

"Funny how you still blush when I'm around… Exactly like old times" he grinned and took another sip of his drink, which was enough to break you free from the spell you were under.

"What are you doing here? I thought I'd made myself pretty clear, Joel" you sighed and stared down into your glass.

"I'm doing the same as you are, darling… I'm thinking about all the bad decisions I made in life. You have been pretty clear, I ain't going to bother you, but I just missed you… it's so weird to see Sarah getting home everyday so excited over you, talking about how nice and awesome you are and I have to pretend not to know about it"

"Yeah? And you think it's easy for me to spend the whole afternoon listening to her talking about what an amazing dad you are? How you are awesome but very unlucky to have had your heartbroken by her mom?" You raised your eyebrow and chuckled

"She really say that?" Joel's expression showed a slight shock "she said I was an amazing dad?!"

You tilted your head at his surprise and bit your lips, perhaps it was just the drinks you had that softened you up a little, but when you saw it, you placed your hand on his arm and shook your head

"Yeah? Why are you so surprised? You are an amazing dad, Joel… that girl loves you more than anything in the world, she idolizes you, of course, she thinks you work too much and that you could both spend some more time together, but other than that, it's clear you are a great father. I was very surprised when we met again, to see your change, I never really thought you would become a better person, not after what happened, but it's nice to see Sarah changed that" you smiled softly at him, and that just melted Joel's rough heart, he immediately took your hand before you could move it away and caressed your knuckles softly, his gaze still making you pathetically shy, as he pursed his lips and you remembered how good they've always felt on your own and also all over your body.

"You know she also sees you as a mother figure, right?!"

"Yeah, I was reluctant to admit it at first, but she does… I guess she needed that, you know? A woman she could talk to about girl stuff, things she cannot talk to her dad or her uncle Tommy" you smiled "I really like Sarah and I'm very glad you allow us to be friends, I understand it is a really odd situation for you, as it is for me, but I like her a lot… you know, if things had been different, she could've been my daughter… our daughter" you sighed "things could've been different Joel… you know what made so hard for me to forgive you? It's not exactly you falling for Angela, of course, rejection hurts a lot, but sometimes it happens, sometimes you fall for someone you shouldn't have, but what still breaks my heart is that you lied to me, you played with me instead of coming clean. You just kept me around even if you didn't want me anymore, so just you would have a comfortable option in case it didn't work with her, and that was what made me feel worse… it made me feel unworthy, because you could still have been considerate of me and just break things up before it all happened" you shrugged

"Darling, I-" he squeezed your hand tighter but you pulled it away

"I'm not trying to make you upset or anything, all I am saying is that things could have been different between us, they should have been at least, if not staying married, having a child and building a family together, then at least having your honesty…"

"What can I do so you forgive me?" Joel asked, his voice breaking a little as he tried to hide the emotion growing at any minute.

"I've already forgiven you Joel, I already told you that… but I can't forget what happened, it will always haunt me" you sighed "too many things happened and as much as I had loved you, I think I would never be able to trust you"

"Please, I have changed, it kills me to know I've hurt you so much, I wish I could go back in time and undo everything that I did.. please, darling" Joel begged you with those brown soft eyes, his hand cupping your cheek in a warm caress and even if you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch for a while, you knew you couldn't let yourself fall into his touch, because if you did, there would be no turning back.

"If Angela returned today, Joel… imagine if she came back and tried claiming you and Sarah, would you still care about me? Because I don't see this happening, Joel. Honestly, what I think is that you want me because you feel bad about what happened and because you couldn't have who you really wanted…"

His expression was indecipherable and for a second you thought he would say something, but all he did was pull you closer, gluing your lips together in an urgent kiss, you could've fought it, but you didn't; instead, you kissed him back, taking your hands into his curls and tugging at them more and more each time Joel pulled you even closer.

Only when the two of you broke the kiss, he looked into your eyes, his thumb stroking your bottom lip gently

"There isn't anyone I want but you, I never stopped loving you, darling… even when Angela was around, she couldn't compare to you" his words shattered your heart, as much as you wanted to believe that, you still couldn't. You grabbed his hand and sighed

"Don't do this again, Joel, please. You've ruined too many things for me already…" you got up and said goodbye "we can't, you know it"

"What have I ruined for you, darling? Tell me and I'll fix it, please"

You chuckled sad and shrugged

"Joel, you even ruined Queen for me'

You walked away from him, leaving him there with his drink and his thoughts, a puzzled look out of confusion in his face trying to figure out exactly what the hell you meant by that. Just as he saw you disappear out of the door, he realized what meant as he paid attention to the lyrics of the song playing in background:

"Love of my life, you hurt me

You've broken my heart

And now you leave me

Love of my life, can't you see (...)"

And even if Joel wanted to be rational and convince himself he'd lost you for good, his heart still insisted on wanting what he couldn't have.

•••

Your car parked in Joel's driveway was the last thing he expected to see that night, after working excruciatingly and failing his promise of getting home earlier to have dinner with his daughter. He knew Sarah was probably waiting, disappointed but also used to it, full of having some sandwich or any other snack she could find. He cursed himself for getting so caught up at work, he didn't mean to, but he had done it again, after all, he had to attend an important meeting with a possible new client and then he would need to wait for the arrival of a bunch of materials that had been delayed for weeks, and even if he knew his daughter was safe with you, he still felt upset to have not given her the attention she needed. However, you had never been to his house before, that was something that you established from the very beginning and when he kissed you at the bar a couple of weeks ago, Joel was certain that was the end of seeing you, occasionally or not. He was sure you'd never shut Sarah out, you liked her for real, and she reciprocated the feelings; besides, you were a decent enough human being who knew you didn't have to mix things up. So, the fact you were indeed at his home, was concerning to him, who parked and immediately left, getting inside wanting to see what was going on. The moment the door opened in one hard swing, you got off the couch and walked to your ex-husband

“Hey Joel” you said, a little shy, suddenly, the fact you were standing in the middle of his home uninvited made you extremely embarrassed, as it felt you were somehow intruding on his intimacy. Since the divorce Joel had moved into a new house, bigger and cozier, a nice backyard with a decent swimming pool was something that drew your attention; you smiled at yourself, knowing how much Joel loved swimming, so it made your heart warm to see he had accomplished something that seemed quite small, but it meant a lot to you.

At first, when you saw the house, you couldn't help but be invaded by a furious jealousy of the possibility Joel had built that house for her, Angela, instead of you. Luckily, Sarah clarified he only started to build it when she was a toddler and that Tommy helped him, and that's why he often crashed there. You chuckled to yourself, that was typical of Tommy, but overall you felt proud of Joel and everything he achieved, you knew he had potential and it was great that he actually worked on it.

“Where's Sarah?!” He asked with worry and called her name once more, louder this time, frowning as you shushed him.

“I'm sorry I'm here, but she had a fever felt sick, I wanted to call you but she asked me not to an-” you were cut off by Joel simply climbing up the stairs and heading straight to Sarah's room, he felt a mix of guilt and worry weighing in his heart at the fact his baby daughter was sick and he couldn't be there for her. He barged into her room, normally, that would be enough to startle her, but instead, he found her peacefully asleep, clung tight to her pillow, dressed in her regular PJs. He touched her forehead wanting to check her temperature, but luckily her skin wasn't warm anymore. He looked at the door and found you there, arms folded and looking like you wanted to say something else, and then he just realized how rude he'd actually been to you by simply walking away and letting you talk to a brick wall. He placed a gentle kiss on his daughter's forehead and closed the door behind him.

“I'm sorry darling, I was worried and you should've called me…”

“It's okay, Joel… as I was saying, I wanted to call you, but Sarah asked me not to, she said you were having an important meeting and you would be home soon, anyway” you licked your lips as you realized he was extremely late and probably feeling so guilty about it all.

“You know, she was at my place and she was feeling a little down, at first I thought she was just upset because she wasn't invited to Melissa's party an-”

“That girl is a bitch” Joel said angrily and in such a defensive way that it was both cute he was so protective of his daughter at the same time it sounded hilarious to see him cursing another teenage girl. However, you had to agree with him, Melissa was indeed a bitch.

“Yeah, I know right?! Anyway, I noticed Sarah was burning up with fever and since she didn't want me to call you, I decided to bring her home and stay with her. So I asked her to take a cool shower, gave her some tylenol and made her some chicken soup with the things I found in your kitchen…” you both went downstairs and stopped in his living room. You tried not paying attention to how good your ex-husband looked after his long hour shift; his sweaty shirt so tight against his broad chest, his messy hair and that stressed attitude that would always melt away with a very intense orgasm.

“You made soup?!” Joel frowned a little shocked and interrupted your drifting thoughts.

“Y-yeah, why? Did I do bad?”

“No” Joel smiled softly and shook his head “not at all, it's just that… I haven't had your food in so long and you've always been a good cook, that's all” the nostalgia he felt was so big and it also warmed your heart, nodding at him “well, I made some more in case you wanted to have dinner too, it's in the kitchen, you can help yourself if you'd like…” you offered him and grabbed your purse “can you call me tomorrow and let me know if Sarah is better?”

Joel grabbed your arm gently and shook his head

“Don't go, not yet… just have dinner with me, talk to me for a while, I promise I won't try to kiss you or anything. Just keep me company, it's rare to have people over, it's usually Sarah and I and usually Tommy, but when they are out, it's just me” he looked at you with a sad expression, and you understood perfectly: loneliness.

Coming back home to an empty bed at night. Not having anyone to rely on, to hold, to give you support and affection, to make love. So you nodded and smiled at him, sitting down with him at the table and grabbed yourself a plate, giggling at how hungry he really was, eating as if he hadn't seen food in months. He raised his eyes at you and stopped chewing, blushing as you wouldn't stop staring.

“You know, you and Sarah have the same sad puppy eyes when you are sick?!” Joel raised his eyebrow at you and you laughed softly “same red teary eyes, sniffing as someone takes care of you, it's actually adorable”

“You think I'm adorable?!”

“Adorable isn't exactly what you are Joel…” you said letting your eyes wandering all over him and having your ex-husband to smirk at you

“Yeah? You think I'm attractive?”

“You know you are attractive, Joel, now shut up and eat” you frowned softly and had dinner with him; it was a pleasant moment, spending some time together, without any talks about the divorce or the past, just two old acquaintances who perhaps had some kind of feelings for each other and shared a meal together. There weren't accusations, apologies or tears, just mundane, regular conversations and laughter. It was nice to have that moment with Joel, as you both progressed in a conversation about your lives and how things had changed over the years, truly catching up instead of arguing. When the subjected revolved around Sarah again, your ex-husband couldn't contain his curiosity anymore:

“You never wanted kids, darling?”

You looked down at your empty plate, a glimmer of sadness crossing your eyes as you shook your head and stared at him

“Not after you, Joel… I used to want a kid, before, when we were together, but not anymore. I feel it's too late for me now, even if I'm still young, it just feels impossible, you know?”

Joel's hand rested on top of yours, he caressed it very gently and looked at you. He sighed knowing exactly what you meant, knowing you actually meant having a baby together and of course he blew it once more. He couldn't even describe the remorse he felt, even if you had spent the past half an hour having a rare moment of bliss tougher, he knew he would never be able to erase what had happened between the two of you. He wished he had a chance to do so, but deep inside, even if he did, he knew the damage had been done.

“It's alright, Joel…” you said shyly and got up as you picked the plates and piled them in the sink, he immediately walked to you,

“Let me handle the dishes, it's the least I can do, you know… after you took care of my daughter and cooked for us. I'm sure Sarah loved it, we aren't used to having homemade food” he chuckled as you nodded

“Yeah, I figured, that's why I decided to make something else…” you said as you walked to the oven and opened it, showing Joel the freshly baked batch of chocolate chips cookies. He widened his eyes like a child and smiled big.

“This is your favorite, I figured it was Sarah's as well” you said sweetly and got the tray out of the oven, although you mumbled something a couple of times, Joel hadn't replied to you, as he kept washing the plates without interruption. You didn't get why he ignored your question, it made no sense; just a few minutes ago you were both having a nice, sweet time together and suddenly he wasn't going to say anything? That was odd. You placed the cookies on the balcony and called him again, to which you got no reply so you just shook his arm a little calling him again.

He turned around and watched you

“What is it?” He asked with a sweet smile, making you even more confused

“I called you a couple of times and you didn't say anything… is everything alright with you?” And at that question his face fell and it was impossible for Joel to hide his sadness. He licked his lips and nodded

“Yeah… it's just that… I'm kinda deaf in my right ear” he blushed and looked down in shame “I had a work accident some years ago and something blew up when I stood too close to it and well…” he shrugged and you felt your heart sink. Your poor Joel, always such a hardworking man, despite everything between you both, you never wanted him to be that injured. It saddened you to see how ashamed he seemed of it, even if he had no reason to be ashamed of it at all, and suddenly it made all sense to you why he was always subtly tilting his head to the left or standing towards that direction when he talked to you.

“I can hear it just fine, got used to it by now, but if you mumble something on my right it's kinda hard to me” the simple and even innocent way he said that made you so sympathetic of him, but it was way more than just that. It made you want to hold him, to assure him it was fine and he was still nothing but perfect no matter what had happened.

“Oh Joel…” you whispered and held his head in both of your hands, gently, your fingers brushing against his thick beard as you got closer and rested your forehead against his “I'm so sorry honey” you whispered again and closed your eyes. He was determined to respect you and not get handsy with you, but the moment he saw you pulling him closer, he couldn't help doing the same; gripping your waist with large hands, just like he used to, exactly where they fit so well, he brought your bodies close together.

“Don't go, please… stay” he whispered back, his lips were almost on yours, everything felt so right at that moment even if it was wrong. You hated how it felt like playing with fire: it seemed beautiful and appealing but you would get burned no matter what.

“I'm sorry, you know I can't” you said, moving your lips just an inch further and connecting with his, earning a hungry kiss.

For someone who desperately wanted to keep away from their ex-husband, you were certainly doing a shitty job. He needed you as much as you needed him, you both wanted each other, but you broke the kiss. It couldn't happen, your relationship was as complicated as it was and you didn't want to deal with that responsibility later. His heavy breathing lingered on your skin, at the same time he placed a soft peck on your neck, knowing all your sweet spots, that devilish man Joel Miller was.

“You know you can call me, right? Anything you need, anything at all, just call me and I'll come running to you, darling, don't forget that” he whispered into your ear and more than a seducing invitation, it was a plea, from a hopelessly man in love who didn't know what to do to prove his worth.

•••

Joel's offer to call him whenever you needed was so tempting, because you didn't actually need to call him, but you wanted to. It made no sense, you were the one who wanted to keep your distance from him, but due to the latest events you found yourself wanting to see Joel each time more, just the thought of his presence brought you an excitement you tried not reading too much into it; you didn't want to admit you were crushing on your ex-husband, but then, how could you call the fact your heart raced when you saw him? How you blushed and felt sparkles whenever you touched him briefly - accidentally or not? It was tricky, it was a mess but it seemed Joel made you lose that filter that always kept you emotionally distant from everyone. After learning Sarah was alright, you felt relieved for her, and when she stopped by your home and thanked you for taking care of her, you felt that familiar warmth in your heart. It seemed the more your rational part fought for you to stay away, that you had been severely hurt by Joel and you couldn't afford giving him a chance to do the same for the second time, but your irrational side? The one driven by your feelings and desires?! That one only made you dive deeper into the Millers household. Your feelings for Sarah just grew, you were attached to her and she was attached to you, she found in you the female influence it lacked for years and she represented something you never had but wished you could. And her dad was something else… ever since that evening you spent together, having dinner, chatting and enjoying each other's company, Joel had told you you could call him anytime for any reason. It didn't matter if you wanted to talk, hang out or have him fix something at your place, he was at your will.

And then you weren't certain if your faucet was really leaking, or if your door was actually warped or if all of that had to do with the fact you were looking for an excuse to call Joel and see him. You didn't want to hire him and you didn't want to discuss feelings, talk about the past or hear all sorts of apologies, you wanted to have a nice, pleasant moment with him, just like you had the last time. It felt so familiar and yet so new; it was about the two of you being acquaintances but at the same time meeting each other, your older, more mature versions finally getting together and hitting off. That was the kind of interaction you wanted from Joel.

You just didn't know exactly how to initiate it, not without giving him any kind of hope or leading him into it.

So you decided to focus on work, like you'd been doing for over a decade. You liked your job, it was stressful as any other job in the world and the money was great. However, you had got so comfortable and used to working from home, the days you were forced to actually go to the office felt excruciating, but it was part of the deal and you had to do it. So you got up, got ready - not without texting Sarah to let her know you wouldn't be home that day - and went to do your business. It was also when you noticed something was wrong. You didn't know the car that was parked across the street, it was a little odd, as you got used to all your neighbors and it was such a calm neighborhood you simply noticed when there was someone from outside. Still, you shrugged and got into your own car, driving to work.

On your way back, all you wanted was a cool shower and some relaxing hours scattered on the couch, but you tensed up a bit when you spotted the same car you did in the morning still there. It had nothing indicating trouble, and yet, you had a gut feeling telling you it simply wasn't right, however, there was nothing you could really do about it. You thought of calling Joel, but you didn't want to risk sounding paranoid and overall crazy. What could you tell him?! That there was a car parked across the street?!

You groaned when you checked your email and saw you would have to attend a meeting at work in person the next day. You were so sure you'd solved everything up, so why would you have to go? It was probably one of those meetings that could be just a work email and it annoyed you to no end, but still, you had no other option other than attending so the next morning you were there, getting ready when you spotted the same car. You had no idea if it had spent the whole night there or if it had gotten there before you woke up, nonetheless, you were taken by the same feeling you did the day before, no matter if they were irrational or not, it was just overwhelming. After another day at work, you returned home and sighed relieved to see the car wasn't there. Maybe it had been just a paranoid episode, perhaps you were just reading too much into things and all the stress from work combined with your situation with Joel made you lose your grip on reality a little bit.

The fact was that after doing your regular house things, you decided to take a relaxing bath and sink yourself into your tub. Selecting the perfect bath bomb and adjusting the temperature, you got inside, groaning at how the warm water made your tense muscles relax and you could feel the knots undoing themselves; as you closed your eyes and relaxed, there was nothing clouding up your mind but Joel.

His handsome face, his smile, his curly graying hair. He was your Joel, but older, mode handsome, if that was even a thing, because Joel was definitely the most handsome man you'd ever met. You couldn't help yourself but picture him wrapping his strong arms around your body, perhaps a relaxing bath with Joel would feel so good, you wouldn't be able to to turn it down. Just to imagine his naked body holding yours was enough to spike so many things all over you. You didn't know if you'd ended up dozing off in the tub, but it was hard to say if any time had passed or not the moment you heard some noises around your house. You couldn't remember if you'd forgotten your TV on or something like that, you were sure you hadn't turned on the radio, but it was enough to feel goosebumps all over your skin. You left the tub, drying yourself as quick as possible and wrapping a bathrobe around your body, exiting the room as silently as you could, hearing whispering and steps all over the lower floor. You went to your room and looked outside the window, your heart racing the moment you spotted the same car you'd seen before. You didn't know what to do, you could feel the suffocating wave of anxiety taking over completely. You could hear their voices, because apparently there was more than one guy. They were robbing your home, but what would happen if they reached you? You immediately locked your bedroom door, so relieved to see your phone was thrown onto the bed. Grabbing it, you dialed the number you'd never forgotten.

•••

“Come on, darling, open up” Joel's voice was the first thing you registered after you made the call, hugged yourself against a corner of your room and closed your eyes. You had heard footsteps climbing the stairs and how the thieves banged on your door, but you remained as quiet as you could. Just praying someone would show up to save you. You'd called Joel and he called the cops on his way over, he had dropped everything he was doing when he heard the raw fear in your voice. It was horrible you had your home broken into, but it made it even worse to think of what two criminals could do with such a beautiful woman like yourself. So he grabbed Tommy and they both rushed towards your place. Arriving there almost at the same time as the cops did, finding your front door busted open and a lot of valuable things such as your TV and your laptop gone. He had a baseball bat in hands, ready to attack whoever threatened your physical integrity and when he got questioning looks from the cop, he cleared his throat and explained he was your ex-husband - and friend.

“Is that really you, Joel?” You asked in a little more than a whisper, so glad to know he was there. You walked to the door and unlocked it, seeing Joel's worried eyes scanning you to make sure you were unharmed. Only then, you realized you hadn't gotten dressed, still wrapped in your bathrobe, but it didn't matter, all you could think of was looking for shelter into his strong, safe arms, sinking your face into his chest at the same time Joel caressed your back up and down, his lips planted a kiss on top of your head and another one on your forehead, wanting to soothe you and show you how safe you were from now on. He was there for you, it wouldn't absolve him from what he'd done in the past, but that didn't even matter to you or Joel, the important thing was that he was there, he came as fast as he could only for you and he would do it a thousand times more if necessary; you both knew that.

“I got you, baby girl, I got you” Joel cooed at you, tightening the hug around your body and keeping you closer. And you had missed that embrace, you just belonged in it, and you never wanted to let go.

Joel held you through the whole process of talking to the cops, informing them about the strange car that was seen around your home and also listing every item they stole: your TV, an iPad, your laptop and your car. Even if you were safe among them, you couldn't help but feel that nervous, anxious feeling at the very possibility of being alone at home once more. Nothing happened in the end, but it could have happened, and though it sucked to have been robbed of so much valuable stuff, you weren't harmed, and that was what mattered the most to you and above all, Joel.

As the cops talked to Joel and assured they'd get in touch if any of it was found, he walked them to the door and turned back to you, finding you all shy and scared, hugging yourself and looking at him with sad eyes. You didn't want to be alone and you didn't want to have to ask him for company, you didn't want to sound whiny or pathetic, especially not after it was just a break-in without any physical damage.

“Come on, pack your bags and I'll take you home with me” Joel's voice broke the silence and made you stare at him surprised “it can be for a few days, but if you aren't comfortable with that, then let me take you at least for the night, I ain't leaving you alone. Sarah's out at her friends in a slumber party or something, you can take her bed, or mine and I'll sleep on the couch, it doesn't matter, just come…” he extended his hand to you, which you gladly took it, and made his way upstairs, waiting patiently as you grabbed a backpack and shoved a few clothes and accessories you would need. You couldn't even describe how you felt at Joel's kindness. You were so comforted, so glad to see you weren't alone and that he was willing to take care and protect you. It didn't take very long to get your backpack ready, wrapping your arms around his neck in another tight hug, thanking him for being so gentle and earning only reassuring and affectionate words.

Once you got to the truck, you were welcomed by a whiff of his familiar scent, it smelled like Joel, your Joel and your heart warmed. He glanced at you while he drove, still seeing the tension all over you and his hand rested on your knee “you must be hungry…”

“I am” you said, a little anxious and watched as he turned the wheel and changed streets. Even before getting to the address, you already knew where Joel was taking you: your favorite Taco place. You chuckled as you remembered that was your favorite date spot when you were painfully young; when life seemed so promising and Joel Miller was the man who made you stutter and sweat through your hands. Whenever he glanced towards you, your cheeks would heat up and you would feel like bursting into flames. And after you both got married, when things were still good, that was the place where he would stop by eventually, pick up some takeout and take home, as a way of spoiling and thanking you for taking care of him. As he parked, he smiled and cleared his throat.

“You know, this is our spot, I never brought any girl here, with the exception of Sarah, of course, but much to my disappointment, she isn't really into tacos, which makes it exclusively our thing” he winked at you and you nodded, a small, petty side of you felt thankful for the confirmation of Angela never been there with Joel. It was just a taco shop and yet, it was still one thing that it was so yours and Joel's and she hadn't ruined it with her touch. You felt even hungrier at that moment, relaxing to know you could have a peaceful dinner with your good memories and the man who somehow still managed to make you blush, stammer a little and sweat through your hands.

As you both munched on the food sitting down in the back of his truck, just like you did every Friday night more than a decade ago, you chuckled at how things change but somehow remain the same. He tilted his head to the side, wiping a little bit of sauce you had over your cheek, exactly like when you both were younger.

“I know this probably tastes like shit, compared to the food you've had over the years when you traveled all over the world, you know Sarah told me all about it because she really admires you an-”

You took his hand and squeezed it, then placed your hand on his chin making him look into your eyes.

“Joel… this is the best taco I've ever had, the most delicious takeout I've ever tried because you are here with me..” she whispered and smiled, seeing how his face lit up. Neither of you said it, but you were finally having that date he asked you out several months ago, when destiny decided to put the two of you together. As he saw you shivering in the cold wind, he did the honorable thing and took off his jacket, placing it over your shoulder and rubbing both of your arms. You thanked him and looked all over his truck

“We spent quite a while in here…” you shrugged “and to think I lost my virginity here… you've always been a real gentleman” you scoffed and rolled your eyes. Joel laughed and sighed

“Yeah, well, I've come along nicely, give me a chance and I'll show you” he winked, flirting a little as you shook your head in disbelief.

“Are you serious?! Fuck off, Joel Miller! No guy will ever fuck me in the back of a truck, and especially not you!” You slapped his arm playfully, hugging it and resting your chin on his shoulder, feeling the wind against your face and looking up at him.

“Joel? Can you do us both a favor?” He nodded at you wanting to hear whatever question you had to ask him “please don't let Sarah marry the first asshole she falls in love with”

“I'm on it” he replied, laughing softly and pulling you closer. Closer than you'd ever been to him, he just wished that night wouldn't end too soon.

•••

Lying in Sarah's bed was odd, to say the least; especially when Joel's room was just there, a hallway distant from you. After the moment - better saying, the moments you both had shared in the past few days and even more so that night, you felt things would escalate to another level, a level in which it didn't matter to you if it was right or wrong, It was just bound to happen. But once you got to his home, he showed you his daughter's room, the bathroom, and asked if you needed anything else and simply let you be. Which was what you wanted, it was what you had asked him to do the last time you'd shared a kiss, but at the same time you felt disappointed because you wanted more of him, more of your Joel. The sweet moments you'd spent together were weighing so heavily in your heart, and even if you hadn't forgotten about what happened, the new proximity brought a new light in your relationship with Joel; it felt nice and different, a good different and as much as you closed your eyes and tried falling asleep, you were simply taken back to the moment he held you, soothed you, caressed your skin and assured you everything was alright. Tossing and turning in bed while you wished you were somewhere else instead, anywhere really, as long as he was just next to you. At first, when the gentle strumming from the guitar got to your ears, you imagined you had dozed off for a few minutes, perhaps you had even started to dream, but when your eyes were wide open and the beautiful, familiar sound wouldn't cease, you knew that only meant one thing: Joel was playing the guitar.

It couldn't come from his bedroom, the sound was too far to be coming from there, so you knew you would have to get up and explore. Suddenly, you felt a wave of excitement. Not only did you love watching Joel play the guitar, but now you had a pretty decent and reasonable excuse to go after him. You didn't want to make things weird and be that kind of person to leave the other confused, with your dubious signs, but you were just following your heart at that moment.

You tiptoed through his house, doing your best to move in the dark, as you didn't want to startle Joel or make him think you wanted the music to stop. And then your heart skipped a beat when you looked through the window and saw him playing the guitar on his porch. The cold wind that bothered you when you both were out eating tacos seemed to have stopped, and just then you realized it was indeed warm inside the house. He was so relaxed, strumming his guitar and humming a song softly, you've always loved his singing voice, even if he was a little shy about it, you could sit down and watch him play and sing for hours. You opened the door quietly and rested against the doorframe, admiring it quietly the way he looked focused at his guitar. He played calmly and it was the most beautiful sight you could ever think of. You wouldn't be able to tell exactly how long you stood there, but when Joel looked up at you, you were already walking towards him.

“That was beautiful, Joel…”

“Just like you are, darlin'”

You both knew exactly what you wanted at that moment, how you took another step closer, one after the other and you suddenly were hovering over him. Joel placed his guitar down, he wasn't going to be able to hold himself back, not at that moment. In one single motion, he pulled you to him by the hips, a tight grasp around your body and kissing you deeply. You straddled Joel, your hands making their familiar way towards his curls, loving how they always felt under your touch. Unlike the other times you'd kissed, you knew you would both go all the way down, you wanted it, craved it and even if you knew what to do and where to touch, it also felt new, you were both were the same young couple who'd been so in love, newly married and full of hopes and dreams, but you were also a couple who'd lived separately for more than a decade, you had both experienced heartbreaks, passions, you'd tried and touched other people, but eventually, just like home, it you were drawn to each other. There was no way out. When you were shamelessly humping and groaning on top of him, Joel knew it was time to take things inside, to hell with his neighbors, he didn't care if any of them witnessed it, if anything, he wanted people to see what a lucky bastard he was to have you in his arms, that he was going to take you and make you his at least once more. So he got up, lifting you up easily, so easily, and took you inside, climbing stairs with you in his arms, he longed for you, he was hungry for your body, your taste, your touch. He needed you and Joel Miller was about to take it all. He placed you over his mattress and got rid of his shirt - his dark blue one, that looked so good on him - and let your hands wander his body. He didn't take long to undress you, nibbling your thighs in the process, he knew your body like the palm of his hand, with the exception the last time he'd visited it, his palm wasn't as calloused as it was now, just as you weren't so painfully hot as you were at that moment. You'd always been gorgeous, but at that moment, naked in his bed, it was the most beautiful and erotic thing he'd ever seen and yet he wanted it to make it forever. As he got inside of you, he didn't know how long it would last, how long you both would last, you were being way nicer and more compassionate than he would ever deserve it, but at the same time, something within said you shared the same feelings for each other.

Once you both reached your bliss, love bites, kissings, caresses and so much affection between you both, you relaxed into his arms, your head resting comfortably in his chest, and you felt at home. You still didn't know what the next day would bring you both. Perhaps you would stay together, or you would part ways for good, there was still so much to be done, to spoken, you would have to handle the fact and the consequences of not using protection with Joel, maybe that was a good reason to worry about , or not, you didn't want to think of it, just as you didn't want to think of how you both could ever explain to Sarah what happened, or how Joel would explain Tommy and you would explain your family how you got together, maybe even one day Angela could return, you'd learned the hard way life wasn't a bed of roses and you feared that if you agreed to be happy with Joel once more you would get hurt, one way or another, but all that wasn't important, not at that moment. All it mattered was you and your Joel in bed, snuggled up and worrying about nothing but each other. He nuzzled your neck, making you giggle and in return you pecked his lips once more. He wanted to say those three little words, but decided not to, not yet, instead, he wanted to show you it, now he'd had a taste of you, and he vowed himself to make you happy for the rest of his life.

He knew he had broken your heart, it was the worst thing Joel Miller had ever done, but he was going to win you back, because he wasn't going to give up happiness with you, not again.

____

A/N: besties, how did I do? Did you like it? I hope you did! I honestly had planned on writing a sad ending, I was going to make reader move on from Joel once for all, but then, is it even possible to get over him? It's impossible not to fall for him and give him a second chance. A third part is possible but I have no idea when, and feedback is always welcome my lovelies ❤️💕

[liveontelevision]

Hi! im in love with your Lucifer fics. You newest one has me gripped and i cant wait for the next part.

You got me brainstorming more Lucifer fics ideas

I was thinking of one where the reader has been helping/supporting Charlie at the Hotel and is almost like a mother/parental figure to her, and when Lucifer arrives he acts cold/mean no matter how much she tries to be polite. But then he warm up to her after see how much the reader really cares about Charlie and then he finally realises hes in love with her.

♡

Thank you! I literally could write about him for hours (kinda have already) and I really liked this prompt, so here's just a lil' something for ya, anon ♡

Honey | Lucifer x Reader

No smut, just some cute fluff here-

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As soon as you arrived in Hell, your eyes were drawn to the drab-looking hotel just up the hill. And you flew to it like a moth to a TV screen. That being said, you've known Charlie and the other residents for as long as you've been dead. They've all seen you at your worst, having to be the unlucky few to explain your death. Although, Charlie's comfort really made the whole being dead thing much more palatable. During this time, while she's supported you, you've seen her through thick and thin as well. Pretty soon, you became an important part of her life, offering a more parental influence when she needed one. You didn't really die at an old age, but a lot went on in your lifetime to give you the maturity to comfort people that way and you were always happy to do it.

Considering your skill set, some of the residents went to you in the same fashion. A little task you took to, just to help out, was fixing up some articles of clothing for people. It was a great mindless task for you to do, considering Alastor wasn't a fan of having phones and TVs in the hotel. So you simply sat, humming a little tune as you fixed up something from Angel's wardrobe.

Your trance was broken, seeing a pair of slender legs in front of you. Following them up, you finally meet eyes with a nervous-looking Charlie. She's fidgeting with her fingers, still trying to find the courage to say whatever she came to you for.

"You need something, hun? You can talk to me, c'mere." With a sweet voice, you patted the cushion on the couch next to you and kept on working. She let out a heavy breath you didn't realize she was holding.

"Soooo... my dad is coming to visit and I - uh.." she still struggled to find her words. Considering you've barely been outside the hotel, you really didn't question how big of a deal Lucifer was. But to see Charlie getting flustered about a little visit from her own father did make you feel uneasy.

"I guess - I don't know, I'm just nervous, is all! It's not that big a deal, I mean, he's my dad, but also.. he's... my dad..?" You nodded your head.

"Seems like a big deal. He's the king of Hell, so it makes sense that you're nervous. Can I help with anything?" Acknowledging her feelings and making sure to keep your tone smooth, you finally set aside the mini skirt you were fixing up to face her.

"Oh! Um - I was wondering if you could bake something for everyone! Niffty's making cookies, but I think dad might enjoy something a little more.." You both thought back on the disturbing display of desserts Niffty had made for everyone in the past, it sent a chill down your spine. You nodded your head fast, taking a hold of her hands.

“Yeah, I'd love to! I'll make sure it's something your dad would like, too! How's that sound?" You absolutely loved to bake, and doing it for other people always made it even better. There was some pressure on you, considering who you were catering to, but remembering that this is for Charlie, kept any nerves at bay. Charlie, who just happened to be shedding a tear or two of relief, gave you a hug that would've snapped you in two if it had gone on any longer. You were used to those at this point.

The day went by fast, Charlie preparing and stressing over little decisions for her dad's visit. You got the OK to bake an apple pie. A specialty you would make when you were alive, you went all out. You'd always make the dough from scratch, soak the apples in a homemade cinnamon butter, and somehow managed to spiffy it up to a commercial extent. You were batting off Pentious and Niffy as best you could until he arrived.

You saw a side of Charlie during that visit that you haven't really seen before. She was nervous, sure, but it was clear she felt so defeated. Each little quip on sinners being hopeless or how Charlie shouldn't even bother in this "whole redemption deal" made you understand her paranoia more and more.

As Charlie introduced each of the staff and residents, Lucifer got distracted by the still steaming pie sitting on the table in front of everyone. He definitely wasn't the only one whose mouth was watering just by staring at it, but he was the one who bit the bullet, taking the first piece. 

"And this is -" a loud hum of satisfaction interrupted Charlie's introduction to Sir Pentious, who looked deflated at the change in topic.

"Charlie! Good golly - This is great!" With another bite and hum, you watched his eyes flutter shut for a moment. A little boost of confidence immediately making you giddy.

"Oh! Well, that's good! Because this is our other guest! She made it herself -" Charlie took a hold of your shoulders and dragged you to face Lucifer. You could feel the nervous tremble coming from her hands. You looked up at her for a moment and smiled, placing a hand over top of hers. It really did seem to calm her nerves. And for some reason, he didn't seem to like that. 

"Well - I'll eat anything with apples since they're obviously my favorite. It’s not that special." He tossed the half-finished plate back onto the table and wiped his hands clean. He ignored you.

"U-Uhm.. yeah, that's - that's everyone, I guess!" Charlie stammered, not expecting him to turn such a cold shoulder to you. He spent his time examining you. Considering he didn't even care enough to learn your name at that moment, he sure was taking his time looking you up and down.

"Well then!" He clasped his hands together after finally tearing his eyes off you. "How about a little tour?" He suggested, clearly not invested in the other sinners now. Charlie looked down at you and you nodded, starting to clean up some little things around you. It was a nervous habit you had, but it helped to keep your hands busy and your mind off the insulting interaction you just had to endure.

Charlie took Vaggie's hand and went on to give the tour. Once they were out of sight around the corner, you slumped your shoulders letting out a groan.

"Short king's givin' you the cold shoulder, huh?" Angel leaned on the back of the couch, crossing one leg over the other.

"Right? Okay, glad I'm not the only one who noticed that. Is something wrong with the pie..?" Looking over to Sir Pentious, who was licking the already empty pie tin clean, he quickly shook his head.

"Maybe's got a thing for ya." Angel teased, jabbing you with his elbow. You rolled your eyes, finally taking the pie tin from Pentious.

"He didn't even get my name, I'm sure that's not it. Whatever.. " you grumbled, taking any dishes you could to the kitchen to keep your mind from exploring that option.

The extermination day battle was here. You followed the armies who attacked the hoards of exorcists when they finally arrived. As the battle went on, you hated to admit it, you found yourself in awe watching Lucifer kick Adam's ass. The sight of his wings and the little V thing - and obviously his immense power, somehow managed to make you blush as you were attacking angels. Definitely a new sensation for you, with the bloodlust muddling your other senses, but it was easy to forget about it once the new hotel was renovated and everyone was finally settled in.

As everything went back to normal, you went back to helping Charlie with anything you could, drinking at the bar with everyone and generally things went back to the way they were. There was only one difference. Lucifer made the decision to stay at the hotel. It was commendable for sure, his change of heart to support Charlie through this change, but it only left you feeling conscious about everything you'd do when he was around. The underlying crush didn't help much. Or Angel's teasing about said crush.

You really did try, when you'd pass him the hallway, you'd always send him your most sincere smile. Or when you spotted him reading or working on anything, you'd try and spark any kind of conversation or ask if he needed help. He never needed help. He was always too busy to chat. You honestly couldn't remember a time he looked you in the eyes before. You bit your tongue. No need to worry Charlie, or anyone really, about some feud you possibly made up in your mind.

It was especially important to you to not stress Charlie right now. Starting the hotel back up was a big task alone, but the loss of Sir Pentious weighed on everyone. And Charlie took full blame for it. A late night, where she most likely stayed up to try and find any kind of hope for redemption, any speck of proof to bring sinners in, she found herself burnt out. Approaching the memorial for Pentious, you stood beside Charlie. You found her visiting it every now and then, and when you did, you knew she needed a check in. And you were right. Without a word, Charlie suddenly clung to you. She went on about how it was all her fault. How he was gone because of her. How nothing seems to be working and she's terrified that it's all for nothing.

It took a while for her to calm down, but you would never leave her like this. By now, the two of you had fallen to the ground, sitting on your knees.

"Charlie, you are doing your absolute best. It's okay to cry, you know that. Think of everything you've done for everyone else, I mean - Pen would've never sacrificed himself if it wasn't for his friends." You brushed a tear from her still wet and puffy eyes. "You did that. You gave him something worth dying for." It was a hard truth, but you hoped it was enough for her. She's done more for you than she'd ever know, and you'd do anything to give it back. You didn't realize, but before approaching Charlie, Lucifer was pacing a nearby corridor, battling the decision to go up to her himself. He hadn't said much to her since extermination day, and he had always been nervous about saying something wrong, making things worse. Before he had the chance to muster up the courage, you had swooped in. It confused him. He should've been jealous or hurt, that he wasn't able to calm her down himself. That you beat him to the punch. But he didn't really feel that way, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise. Was it admiration? Sitting in the shadows until he assured Charlie was taken care of, he went back up to his workshop, flustered for a number of reasons.

There was one moment, where things started to look good. It was a regular night at the bar, you, Angel and Husk had gotten on the topic of your lives, looking at the positives which was a rarity. Charlie and Lucifer were nearby, Charlie enthralled in the discussions of what Earth was like.

"My homelife? It wasn't anything fancy, but.. um.. - oh I had a farm, actually! I ran it with my parents, it was.. nice." You hold onto your arms, a bittersweet smile on your face. With a light bulb going off in Charlie's head, she nudged you with her elbow.

"You didn't happen to have any birds or chickens or ducks - did you?" She hummed. She noticed the wedge between you and her dad, and it hurt her just as much as it hurt you. She's little miss "everyone should get along", of course, this hurt her. You didn't notice, but Lucifer peaked up at you for a split second before distracting himself by swaying the drink in his glass.

"Oh..? Oh! Yeah! Yes, actually! We raised a few ducklings that a neighbor gave us - we got them as eggs, so we got to see them grow up and everything!" Going on, telling a story about how you snuck one into your room to keep it as a pet, only to be scolded for it. You had the whole group in the palm of your hand. Including Lucifer. You met his eyes for just a moment, the twinkle in them immediately drawing you in. With a quick smile, he became flustered. He scoffed, pushing himself away from the bar and leaving. As much as that should've infuriated you, seeing those eyes and the growing redness across the apple of his cheeks felt like a win.

Since the hotel was newer, and word hadn't gotten out about Pentious's redemption yet, it was still vacant beside you, Angel, and occasionally Cherry Bomb. That gave the whole group a lot of time to enjoy the large space in the meantime.

Certain nights, Alastor would play the large, golden, piano that Lucifer had so generously created. This led to Charlie singing along to whatever he was playing, of course, and when Lucifer was in a good mood - or drunk - he would even pitch in. He'd sit atop the piano, his legs crossed, as he hiked the matching golden fiddle to his shoulder and played along. It was truly a sight to see. His skills were unmatched, but it still seemed to melt into the rest of the contributions. It was as if he invented the damn thing (He did).

This sort of became a tradition, when everyone was in a good mood and Alastor wasn't getting on Lucifer's nerves too much, everyone would join in, singing and dancing. It was rare, but Damn was it fun when it did happen. One of these nights, Alastor started off with a song that you knew, and had actually introduced to Charlie. She gasped as soon as she recognized the tune, pulling you close by both your hands to sing along. You had as good of a voice as anyone did, in a musical rendition of Hell, but you mainly stuck to harmonizing little things with Charlie. Swinging around with each other, until you were dizzy and laughing, you noticed that the room seemed a little empty.

Lucifer was seated where he usually was, on his phone. His fiddle was placed carefully at his side, and he was scrolling through his goddamn phone. 

"Don't feel like joining us, Your Highness?" You kept to titles since it was obvious he wasn't warmed up to you just yet. Even after living with you for a month or so.

"Mm. Don't know the song. It's not my cup of tea, just can't seem to get into it." He says bluntly, never looking up to you.

“Oh, come on! Just play along, it’s just for fun!” You slurred your words a bit, whatever you had been sipping throughout the night causing, what you would call, an outburst.

“Hm! Well, I’m not exactly here for your entertainment, am I? God forbid a sinner doesn't have fun in their eternal punishment.” The room went silent. You felt so defeated. You've been trying since the day you met him to try and at least get on good terms with him, but it seemed like he would even prefer a night with Alastor over you. Things like this never bugged you much, you tried so hard to not let it bug you, but when Charlie looked over to you, with those worried eyes, it was hard to keep back the bottled-up disappointment.

With a little sniffle and a quick wipe of your eyes with your sleeve, you start heading back up the newly decorated grand staircase, without a word to anyone.

"Heyyy - Dad..! I think you maybe.. might've... I don't know - hurt her feelings..? Would you wanna - " Charlie carefully approached her father, who immediately lit up and placed his device down when she spoke. "Could you talk to her? Maybe just check up on her..?" She was speaking barely above a whisper.

“You have to apologize. Um.. sir.” Vaggie finally blurted out. His smile was nervous, his eye twitching a bit at the concept. Taking in a deep breath, he rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a sad little laugh.

"Well, uh.. I don't know, Kiddo, maybe she's just tired." He muttered, obviously hesitant at the idea.

"Sounds like the king can't handle a little damsel in distress to me. Would you like me to comfort her, my dear?" Alastor was quick to chime in from the piano bench, offering a sympathetic smile to Charlie. Why did the concept of that make Lucifer’s blood boil?

"Oh fuck you, bambi, I can handle it." With a quick hop off of the piano top, he almost stormed up the stairs to find you. Definitely not what Charlie was hoping to motivate him, but she wasn't an idiot. She knew Alastor had his reasoning for that. She mouthed a little thank you to him, once Lucifer turned his back.

You were ecstatic to learn that Charlie worked an extensive library into the hotel. Walking into its large double doors, you almost struggled to see the back of the room with how full it was. You had a little corner you claimed as your own, leaving one of your blankets draped on the little loveseat there, and setting aside a pile of books you were still working through. It was a great place to calm yourself down after what had just happened.

Hearing heels click against the tile, you wrapped yourself tighter in your blanket as you pulled your legs up to your chest. 

"I'm fine Charlie, it's fine.. I just need a second, go back to the lobby." You shooed off the figure with one hand, wiping your face with the other.

"Ahha- Nope! Try again -" with a nervous chuckle, Lucifer greeted you with an awkward wave. Interrupting the silence by clearing his throat, he gestured to the seat next to you. With a quick nod, finally snapping out of your surprised state, you shifted your position to sit beside him. It wasn't exactly a two-person couch. Not for two people who might hate each other, at least. I mean it was a loveseat. He struggled to keep his distance, leaving your legs barely brushing together.

"Soooo.. you, uh- like.. reading..?" He asked after a long silence. You were mainly confused by his words, but simply nodded in response.

“Yeah it's - I-I love it in here.. There wasn’t anything like this on Earth, so this is nice." You managed to speak out, between sniffles. He agreed with a little hum, fidgeting with the ring on his finger.

“Glad you like it. It's uhh - just happens to be my personal collection.” He puffed out his chest, looking at his clawed nails with a little smirk on his face. He had no idea why he thought that would help, but it actually did a bit. when he looked your direction, you were slack-jawed in awe. The sight made him turn a bit red in the cheeks, quickly looking away, he patted the top of his legs to fill the silence.

“That's really cool! I guess it makes sense - considering you're older than the dawn of time- but, still. Thank you, I suppose. For letting me - I mean - us use it.” You rambled on for a moment your words became quieter the more you gushed.

“Is that supposed to be an insult?” He asked between laughter. You made him laugh. You hoped he didn't see the sparkle in your eyes at the notion. You stalled, lost in thought, before quickly shaking your head.

The two of you sat there for a moment, the awkward silence sitting a little more comfortably than before. Finally, Lucifer let out a sigh of defeat. 

"It’s my fault, right?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Oh, uh.. I guess so, but.. I mean, I'm kind of drunk so it might be something with that - but I'm fine, I swear." You waved your hands in an attempt to soothe the serious discussion. But Lucifer knew better than anyone what someone holding their true intentions back looks like.

"You're really good for Charlie. I.. I wish I could take care of her. Like you do." He admitted. It surprised you for a moment. Was that why he's been so cold to you? Was there some form of jealousy in there? Or was he really concerned that you would replace him in some fashion?

"C'mon, you're just saying that to make me feel better. I saw you on extermination day, none of this would even be here without that little pep talk, you’ve done more for her than you know, I think. Charlie.. she loves you." The words made him perk up a little. Maybe even a king needs reassurance sometimes.

"Oh- Um.. I guess she does, huh..?" You could hear his smile. The two of you sat in silence for a moment. You didn't even realize you had the smallest smile on your own face. But he did. With another nervous laugh, he hesitates before planting a hand on your leg, just above your knee. No time like the present, you suppose.

"I’m sorry. I really am. For.. everything. You're actually amazing. I-I mean it.." Without a response from you yet, he lets his gentle touch linger a moment longer. You leaned in towards him, the smile on your face turning sly.

"Yeah? You think so? I almost thought you hated me." You were teasing him. He's been so cold to you this whole time, you just had to take advantage of the moment. He turns a bit red, covering his mouth with his free hand as he clears his throat into his fist.

"Of course I don't.." He muttered.

"Soo, would you say you like me?" You drew out your words, walking your fingers up his arm.

"W-What? How - " He clamped his hand over his mouth before desperately trying to rationalize his thoughts, " Of course I do! I just said you're great with Charlie and I -ahh.. I love Charlie, so I like - " He coughs up his words, " - I liked your pie, that you made! And you have a good voice, too, and your little duck story was cute, so - " God bless this man's tendency to overshare when he's nervous. The alcohol definitely gave you the little boost of confidence you needed to question him like this, but you would be lying if you said you didn't notice his reactions to you whenever you weren't paying attention. Or whenever he thought you weren't paying attention. It finally dawned on you that some of those glares might have had some other motivations.

You knew when to reel it in, but considering his hand was still on your leg, he moved it up a bit even, you assumed he was okay with the teasing. Maybe even enjoying it. Delicately drawing your fingers across his jaw, to his chin, you pulled his gaze to meet yours. You could feel his hand tense at every little touch.

"You have really nice eyes, Luci-" He audibly gulped, tugging at his bowtie. "You’ve been avoiding looking at me for months.. I wish you'd look at me more." You almost pouted, your fingers still lingering under his chin. With the slightest movement, he followed your hand towards your face. He took his hand off your thigh for a moment, only for you to take a hold of it and place it on your back. He was the one who pulled you closer at this point.

“Y-you can't just say things like that.. it’s embarrassing..” He muttered, trying his best to not close the gap between your bodies. 

“Embarrassing? I’m not embarrassed, your highness. Are you? Do I.. make you nervous? Hmm?” You placed your hands just above his knees, leaning closer through your chest. Sucking in his lips, he did his best to stay silent, knowing he’d dig his own grave no matter how he answered.

“I just think you’re so pretty, Luci, I can't help myself.” Before he could properly react, you leaned in close enough for him to feel your breath against his ear. Damn, what did you drink? You could feel his hand on your back clenching, either to bring you closer or just out of sheer nerves. With a little hum against his ear, he let out the quietest whimper. It apparently took both of you by surprise, you leaned back to get a look at his face with wide eyes. Meeting his eyes this time sent you both into a blushing, nervous state.

With a deep breath, you cupped his face after brushing some of his golden locks back into place, then gave him the lightest kiss on his lips. You didn't even linger long enough for him to return it, and he was clearly distraught by it. You unwrapped yourself from your blanket, giving a dumbstruck Lucifer another quick peck on his forehead, before standing.

“I’m going back downstairs. Take your time, Hun!” You called out so sweetly as if you hadn't just left him a heated mess. 

Finally returning to the lobby, you walked with your chest puffed out, beckoning for another drink from Husk.

"Did.. did Dad check in on you? Are you okay?" Charlie carefully approached you, and was immediately disarmed by your grin.

"Yup! I feel much better now. He apologized and we had a little.. Discussion. Thanks, hun." You said sweetly, taking a sip of the drink Husk slid into your hand. Angel gave you a dirty glare, and after meeting his eyes you quickly looked away.

"Well great! Where is he? Maybe we can pick back up where we left off!" Charlie clasped her hands together enthusiastically.

"Here! I-I'm here! Great idea, honey, let's keep playing!" He tripped over himself, rushing into the room and hoping nobody saw him re-fastening his tie. Sending him another quick smile, his face clearly hadn't cooled from the past events. He nearly dropped his fiddle, but as soon as he prepared he picked up the same song that was left unfinished moments before.

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I wanted to get through some asks, but I'm still working on Suffer, no worries, my friends

!Taglist!

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[orionremastered]

Anon here! I just saw that your requests are open for Batfam? If you’re still taking requests can you do a regency era Damian Wayne x reader. If you don’t want to do Damian I wouldn’t mind any of the batboys!

xxx

I am always taking requests (they're for my sanity) except for the next three days because I'm on a plane, busy, or sleeping :/

(for this fic, they are Bruce's biological kids) (not completely historically accurate. like at all. but i tried)

Masterlist

Jason Todd x (probably fem due to the law back then unless you want to dream that being gay was allowed in 1817 (some sources also state that lesbianism was never illegal, but I don't know for sure. Just found it interesting))!Reader

Regency Era AU

The poor man is being swarmed by potential— and in all honesty, very desirable— women and their family members who are desperate to introduce the most suitable option for his wife from their family line. Constantly ignoring beginnings of phrases such as "this is the honourable—" and "perhaps you would like to be introduced to my lovely daughter—", and with each one his jaw ticked.

You hide your smile behind your fan, gazing at him from across the ballroom. It is the marriage season and your childhood friend clearly hated it. But that was expected of him as the second son of Bruce Wayne, Duke of York and member of the royal family. Especially since the duke's eldest, Marquess Richard, had recently married a young woman, Marchioness Barbara.

Locking eyes with the green you have known for so long, you tap the top of your open fan. I wish to talk to you.

With abundant relief, he shoos off one particularly frustrating Earl and almost rushes to be by your side. "Thank you," he says sincerely, a smile stretching his face.

"Why do you not wish to talk to them?" you inquire, Jason's smile dropping subsequently. "They are fine young women, after all."

"They're boring," he sighs, "I do not wish to be married to someone who's personality is dull."

"They're not dull," you chide, and he raises a brow. "They are just taught to be agreeable and respectful, my Lord."

"If I asked them about my theory of a novel I am reading, they would simply say, 'Well if you think so, it must be true' and not..."

"Something like I'd say?"

"Exactly."

You suspect it's a common theme with the Waynes; they're seemingly more inclined to look for a spouse that challenges their opinions and joins them in their love of science— the recently wedded Wayne couple bonded over their love of physics, in fact. A quality like that in a women was usually seen as undesirable.

When you were younger and your father made you visit the Waynes, you learned about sciences that your father would've frowned upon; even the daughters, though there were only two, enjoyed the conversations like you did. With Jason and the youngest son, Damian, you would have lengthy conversations about the novels you were reading altogether; these conversations happened so often that their father was tired of having three copies of every novel he owned.

"I have an idea," Jason says, straightening to his full height beside you— tall enough for you to need to tilt your head up if you wanted to look him in the eyes (you always did— something that beautiful was designed to be looked at). "What if you and I get married?"

"You can't be serious."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

You consider him for a moment— you really do— and see no sign of a lie or joke behind his offer. And now that you think about it, it wouldn't be terrible. It was better than your father marrying you off to some old man you didn't know.

Or weren't attracted to.

"Usually there's a dance or two before the proposal," you point out almost teasingly, "And then courtship. For at least a few months. Don't forget, a man should dance with multiple women before deciding who he wishes to wed—"

"Fine," he sighs, rolling his eyes. Yet a small grin remains on his face. "Would you like to dance, then?"

"Hmm, let me think—"

Jason pointedly fake-yawns while playfully glaring your way.

"I would appreciate a dance, yes." And with that, he leads you to the centre of the ballroom, passing his father who watches the two of you with confusion as you begin to dance.

"Are they—"

"Relax, dear," his wife Selina interrupts while lightly leaning against him, also watching the two of you dance, a smile on both of your faces as you whisper quiet yet teasing words to each other. "Don't tell me you couldn't see it before?"

Her husband's silence answers for him.

[suzukiblu]

Day seventeen of fic NaNoWriMo, obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon AU.

“I think it's pretty normal to give someone a phone when you want to talk to them,” Tim lies. Bruce gives the other Bats burners sometimes, though. And also communicators. And Robin’s loaned plenty of allies communicators before, including Superboy. So it's normal in their circles, whether Kon actually knows they're both in said circles or not. 

“. . . I like the green one,” Kon says after a moment, which is a little bit of a surprise. It's a nice sort of deep, leafy color, Tim guesses, but he would've expected Kon to go for black or red or blue; maybe yellow. 

He wonders how green Hawaii is, come to think of it. 

And how much green Kon regularly sees these days, living underground in a lab. 

“Okay,” he says, then gestures towards the phone case display with his smoothie. “Let's get you a screen protector and a case too, just in case.” 

“You don’t have to,” Kon says. “I mean, I am gonna have my TTK on it.” 

“Yeah, but that only works if nobody knocks it off the table or something when you’re not holding it,” Tim says. “Besides, better safe than sorry, right?” 

“Um, okay,” Kon says. Tim leads him over to the phone cases, and Kon glances them over indecisively, clearly paying more attention to the price tags than personal preference. Tim decides distraction is the better part of valor, in this case. 

“I don’t recommend anything superhero-themed, for the record,” he jokes. Kon snorts. 

“That’s called a feint, thank you very much,” he informs him mock-primly. “Nobody’d think a superhero would actually have the balls to go around with a superhero-themed phone case.” 

“They’d think Superboy would,” Tim says in amusement. 

“. . . okay, fair,” Kon allows, making a face at himself. Tim laughs. 

“How about that one?” he suggests, pointing towards the second-most expensive one on the rack–so Kon will know money isn’t a concern, but also so Kon won’t realize he’s specifically doing it to make sure he knows money isn’t a concern. 

“It looks like a tire tread,” Kon says wryly, which is a fair assessment. It’s one of the heavy-duty cases, so it’s pretty bulky as it is, and the pattern on it is a little tire-like. 

“The ones down here have glitter, if that’s more your thing,” Tim replies in amusement, pointing again. 

“Glitter is more my thing,” Kon says, leaning over to peer down at the indicated row. Tim probably should’ve expected that response, considering, except also he would absolutely never have expected Kon to willingly admit to liking glitter. At least not without being concussed first. “Hmmmmm.” 

“That's a nice one,” Tim says. Kon’s looking at a green and blue case with bright gold glitter swirled all over it in abstract designs; it looks a bit like ocean water, if you look at it the right way. It’s definitely not going to be anywhere near as durable as the tire tread one would, but Tim isn’t particularly concerned about that anyway. He was gonna get accident insurance no matter what. Statistically speaking, Kon will probably go through more than a few of these. He hasn't had the same phone for longer than three months since starting up as Robin. Something always seems to happen to them. Usually a supervillain. 

“Too bad they don’t have anything with a cute little goat on it,” Kon jokes as he straightens back up, regrettably letting go of Tim's hand to take the green and blue glitter-case off the wall. “You know, commemorate our first date and all.” 

“That was not our first date,” Tim says, mildly disgruntled but mostly flustered by the idea. “I'd have planned a date a lot better than those morons planned their dumb heist. And bought you something from the gift shop, if nothing else.” 

“Could've just kept the goat, I guess, but Superman would've made me give it back anyway,” Kon muses idly as he looks over the case in his hand and takes another sip of his smoothie. “This is for the right model, right?” 

“Should be,” Tim says, though he double-checks anyway. “Yeah, no, you're good. Lemme go grab a clerk so we can get the plan set up. We'll just go through my name, I can probably set up autopay for the bill easier that way.” 

“Um, sure,” Kon says, biting his lip for a moment and then glancing sidelong at him. “So is this our first date, then?” 

“No,” Tim says, though technically it probably is. But given how Kon’s been acting about the idea that Tim would actually be interested in dedicating actual time and attention to him–“I'll take you somewhere nice for that.” 

“Somewhere nice?” Kon says, hiding a very unsubtle grin behind the phone case. It'd work better if his stupid pretty eyes weren't sparkling for it, Tim thinks in resigned accusation. Kon doesn’t ask what “somewhere nice” means, but Tim is already trying to figure out what restaurants he knows that might appeal to Kon’s palate. If he likes Hawaiian flavors . . . there’s some Asian influence in that, right? He thinks, anyway. Japanese, at least. Maybe Filipino? Polynesian? Any other influences or parallel cuisines he’d have to look up to figure out, though. 

Tim knows absolutely no Filipino or Polynesian restaurants, much less actually authentic Hawaiian ones. He could definitely do Japanese, though. Japanese would be easy. Just going to a restaurant isn’t much of a date, probably, and he can’t take Kon on patrol or anything like he and Steph used to do, but they could maybe go shopping in a nicer boutique or something? Or go to a museum for actual entertainment instead of just business, if Kon would be interested in something like that. Admittedly, it’s hard to picture him being particularly into museums as a concept, but it might be worth a try. 

Maybe he’d like the aquarium or planetarium more than something involving art or history or science, though. Those are a little cooler than just wandering through a bunch of random exhibits, Tim thinks. Or at least, they might appeal more to Kon. The ocean, or stars and planets, or . . . like, whatever, he guesses. 

He’ll have to do some recon, probably. Light interrogation. Figure out what Kon would be the most interested in. 

Or they could just go to the beach. It’d require a little bit of travel on his part, but likely wouldn’t be a big deal for Kon; he could just fly. Though in retrospect Kon’s probably spent about half his life on a beach, so maybe that’s not interesting enough. And the Jersey Shore probably wouldn’t measure up to Hawaii in his eyes, either. 

Hm. Yeah, Tim's definitely going to have to do some recon. 

Tim is possibly putting in too much effort here, considering Kon is going to lose interest in actually flirting with him in about five minutes. Kon never seems to really properly date anyone, as far as Tim's seen; just flirt around a lot. So he should be prioritizing shopping and apartment hunting, really, before Kon gets bored of the flavor of the week and wanders off. 

Tim Drake is not exactly an exciting date, so . . . yeah, Tim’s not expecting Kon to stay interested for long. He’s just got to take advantage of it for as long as it lasts to leverage Kon into letting him buy him that cul-de-sac and go from there, that’s all. Kon seems to stay friendly with the girls he flirts with even after things fizzle out or fail to go anywhere, so he assumes it won’t be any different with Tim Drake. As long as Kon’ll let him keep paying his way, that’s all that’s going to matter. 

Tim is really going to need to frontload that, though. Establish him paying for Kon as the new status quo very quickly and get Kon used to it before he loses interest in him, so he won’t feel awkward about accepting it by then. Or so Tim will already have signed all the paperwork and it’ll be too late for Kon to protest; whichever. 

He’s definitely going to have to frontload it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I reminded a friend he owes me money?

@aitathrowaway321 for finding later

I (20s, they/them) lent a friend Johnny (fake name. 20s, he/him) about $300 for rent about a year and a half ago. He was panicking because he'd bought a small tattoo that week, and had thought he'd budgeted for rent, but realized he forgot about another bill.

I'd once not had enough for rent and a friend who wasn't well off, without me asking, had offered to lend me the money for rent. It had been an incredibly kind act, and though I'd paid that friend back a few months later the first second I could, I've always remembered it. So I offered to do the same to Johnny (who knew this story) as a sort of pay-it-forward and that he could just pay me back when he was able, no rush at all. I also at the time had an okay job where I made enough to be able to do this, and Johnny's job was pretty awful.

Johnny was very thankful and agreed. At first, he'd bring up the debt a lot himself (I would never bring it up) and continually promise to pay it when he could, to which I'd be like - just as soon as you comfortably can, don't stress! And he mentioned it A LOT. Multiple times every single time I saw him at first. But eventually he stopped mentioning it entirely.

The two of us had this in-joke, and Johnny realized he could buy something related to the in-joke. He swore he'd buy it for me as a birthday gift (I didn't ask) and it would be so much fun, very soon after I lent him money. It would have been a nice gift, but it would've cost at least $200. In my head I decided that if he decided to get me the gift instead of paying me back I'd be happy either way, bc it's nice to be thought of. All I said aloud was that it would be a lot of fun, and it was a very kind thought from him. He would then regularly bring up buying me this gift for months. Then my birthday passed and I didn't get anything at all from him. Which was fine, I didn't ask for gifts! But then he stopped bringing up buying me anything OR paying back the money.

Now it's been almost a year and a half, and he seems to have entirely forgotten he ever owed me. I wouldn't mind so much - times are hard! - and it's not like I'm going to be angry if someone is spending money on nice dinners and pretty clothes instead of saving up for a no-deadline debt to a friend. People need to have nice things to get through life. But he keeps getting new tattoos and piercings (we go to the same parlor, I know they're pricey) and he recently planned and went on a big trip with a friend. It's not as if he hasn't had the ability to pay me back in the last few years. I also got laid off from my job, and $300 is a lot more to me than it used to be.

It's not so much that I want the money back as it is that I'm hurt he spent so much time talking big about paying me, and then when enough time had passed just dropped it entirely. I've had an issue in the past when after I got an okay job, suddenly people who had ghosted me were begging me for money (didn't know my salary but just assumed bc of the job title). And having been in awful situations, I tried to help where I could anyway, but then after getting the money they'd ghost me again. Johnny hasn't ghosted me, but he seems to have decided not to pay me back and pretend it never happened.

We have an event coming up where people will be paying for things and everyone else will be paying them back immediately - just bc it's easier to do things like buy tickets all at once and then pass them out, and easier for a restaurant to have one bill and then people venmo each other after. I was considering having Johnny pay and then tell him he can take it out of his debt to me.

I'm unsure if this is passive aggressive and rude, or if it's a good way to gently remind him he owes me without being a jerk about money - if he is still just struggling financially and hasn't forgotten, I don't want to rub anything in or make him stressed. I don't want money to ruin a friendship, but I'm feeling hurt.

[felassan]

David Gaider on Twitter: "Going through my old DAI files and came across the original plan for a playable post-credits Epilogue... which, due to time constraints, eventually got down-scaled to the post-credits cutscene you saw on release. A lot of the meat here was, I believe, resurrected for Trespasser." [source] "At the time, I was pushing hard for an actual denouement - as opposed to always ending the story so abruptly after the climax. Considering how few players ever get that far, I suppose I can see the argument that it's not exactly a great place to focus resources. I did like where the cutscene ended up, mind you. A nice, Marvel-esque stinger that hinted at story to come. Took the sting out of having yet another story plan go awry... which is simply par for the course for game dev. Writing can always imagine more than we can produce. ;) And in case anyone wonders: no actual work was done on that playable section prior to the cut. You can imagine it being this fully-fleshed out, glorious thing, if you like... but it could just as easily have been half-baked and terrible. The team was fully stretched as it was." [source, two, three]

Some further info from follow-up tweets -

User: "It's a bummer, though I understand the logic. A proper end to cap off the experience can make or break your enjoyment of the full game though, imo" DG: "That was indeed my argument. There's a point where we have to draw the line and finish the story, however, and I'm afraid the original plan was... mmm a mite too big. This was far from the only cut."

User: "WAIT. Am I reading this right… Solas drains Flemeth and then COMMANDS the Well of Sorrows drinker to kill Flemeth?" DG: "I think it was Flemeth who commanded it. I'd have to look through the whole document. It's complicated. Part of why it was eventually cut, probably."

User: "Hold on. We were to kill Flemeth on Flemeth’s command to, possibly, prevent Solas from taking everything? Was passing whatever energy she did to the Eluvian her way of preparing for survival ?" DG: "I don't think it was going to be explained any more than it was in the cutscene you got, tbh."

User: "My WoS Lavellan is SCREAMING rn god please help her in the next game" DG: "Keep in mind that none of this *actually* happened. ;)"

User: "Interesting to see this was envisioned as having adversarial encounters between Solas & Flemeth with the well-drinker being ping-pawned between them. I noticed the Inquisitor lurking off-camera in that cutscene and wondered if they were originally meant to be part of it." DG: "Heh. I'm pretty sure the Inquisitor being placed there in the actual cutscene's level was because a player had to be present *somewhere*. Might be wrong, though." John Epler: "the way the cinematics worked, if you had them firing too far from the player character the engine would try to optimize and cutscenes would start jittering" DG: "Yeah, I thought it was something like that! Thanks, John."

User: "Does this have any link to the fact that there are dialogue audios of Morrigan reacting to solas “absorbing” Mythal in the game files?" DG: "Possibly? I finished writing the epilogue, so it's possible some of it got recorded prior to the cut."

User: "So Morrigan would've finally gotten to kill Flemeth herself, and nobody had to turn into a dragon this time? Also, this clears up what even happened to Flemeth at the end. She's definitely dead. Presumably, the spirit or essence of Mythal and possibly Urthemiel are inside Solas?" User 2: "does it? it can be theorized that flemeth commands the inquisitor/morrigan to kill her so solas wouldn't be able to take all her essence. regardless, in the ending we did get it's not entirely clear what happened. but i doubt she's truly gone. she cheated death before." DG: "And remember that what this stuff points at never actually happened. Whatever becomes of Flemeth in the future is up to the current writing team, and is based only on the cutscene you saw."

Summerfall Studios: "Our creative director davidgaider shares some insight into how Dragon Age: Inquisition's epilogue evolved over production" DG: "You want "evolved over production"? *cracks knuckles* Lemme tell you how we cut Corypheus attacking Skyhold. Now *that's* evolution."

[ven0moir]

And if I say that I have a very unhinged feeling that Mike's Benny's Burger t-shirt comment has more to do with Will than it seems ...?

ST makes us associate certain things with certain characters. Our very first memory of El back in S1 is of her reaching Benny's Burger, automatically making us associate Eleven with Benny and his diner. This is the very first time we meet her, so as the audience, we will always, ALWAYS associate Benny's Diner with her, and we're MEANT to. And the very first time we see Benny in relation to Eleven, he is taking out the trash. In S4, one of the last things we see Eleven do is take out the trash.

The Duffers seem to like doing things that at first glance appear like clever, silly little callbacks, but if we attribute these to just random and meaningless callbacks, there would be no point in analyzing this show, really.

Now, here is the thing. One of the strongest, most memorable moments of the show is Joyce using the Christmas Lights to communicate with Will. Christmas Lights are the SIGN that Will sent Joyce to let her know he was alive, and she FOLLOWED that gut feeling, and she was RIGHT. If both Mike and Joyce had thought about Will's disappearance in a 'logical' and 'rational' way, Will would've probably died in the Upside Down. Christmas, specifically, is continuously associated with Will starting in S1 and going into S4.

I can't find the screenshot at the moment, but there's also a moment Nancy says 'When Will was in the Upside Down, the lights came to life ...' once again, associating Will with Christmas Lights and life.

We see Benny's Burgers again this season, which we hadn't since S1. Now here's the thing. When we see Benny's Burgers again in S4 ... there are Christmas Lights EVERYWHERE. It is SPRING, there's no reason to have Christmas Lights up at this time of the year. Christmas is nowhere near in sight yet, and it's been four months since Christmas.

So in S4, they WANT us to associate Benny's diner with Christmas Lights AND I also have something to say about this 'We ❤️ you tigers' thing. We already know that there are tigers everywhere this season, and we even see them in Will's room. I'd like to bring your attention to this ...

'And of course, of course, I have to give a special shout-out to the best and the prettiest fans of all time, the Tiger Cheer Squad.'

You can say that this was in reference to Milkvan. With Mike cheering El on and whatnot. But here's the thing, Mike's speech was mainly 'Me, Me, Me.' 'I love you, I can't live without you' etc.

And yet, who was Mike actually on a TEAM with? Who did he ASK to be on a team with?

Mike literally asked Will to be his teammate and I will NEVER get over how LOADED with symbolism, depth, and metaphor this scene is. Because by the time this happened ...

Will and Mike had agreed to be a TEAM. And here, Will is quite literally saying 'WE ❤️ YOU TIGERS', cheering his team on. Not just 'me', but 'all of us', you're our LEADER. To Will, Mike is the equivalent of Jason, and to Mike, Will is the equivalent of Chrissy. I anticipate we'll see a reverse in S5, with Mike cheering Will on now, and Will guiding the party, or perhaps, finally, a combination of them both cheering each other on and guiding the party to victory, S5 is the season they claim that championship trophy.

Now, I'm not comparing Jason and Chrissy to Byler but if we want to talk duality, boy is this loaded. Because they do have certain similarities that require a way more nuanced analysis that I can't fit into this post, but I'll be talking about it later.

We all know that it was Will's speech to Mike that inspired Mike's own 'love confession' ... but have we ever considered ... that the reason why the Benny's Burger's comment was necessary, as odd as it felt, and these S4 Christmas Lights associations are because ... Mike had a previous memory/association with Will related to Benny's Burgers when he met El?

The reason why I am starting to suspect this is because Mike and Joyce's S1 and S4 arcs are similar. Going above and beyond to helping their love interest, who is 'stuck' in a place they cannot physically reach alone. Joyce even received a literal message.

WE LITERALLY SEE MIKE'S EYES IMMEDIATELY PAN DOWN TO ELEVENS SHIRT ... As if he was looking for context. Who is this??? It is IMPOSSIBLE that there was love at first sight going on here because the circumstances are just so ... dire. The boys were out looking for their missing friend, in the dark, under the rain. Low visibility, etc. It was just not the right circumstances at all.

And the Duffers did NOT have to choose this exact moment as the 'Moment'. They did this deliberately to throw the audience off. And it worked. So let me propose something slightly delusional, but that yet again, probably makes more sense (at least to me following the show's context clues and crumbs) than something as shallow as 'love at first sight'.

Do we not think it might be possible that Michael 'maybe all of this is happening for a reason' Wheeler, saw that Benny's Burger t-shirt and immediately thought ... Will, or the universe, or something was sending him a message? Somehow, this person was connected to Will? That this person was the KEY to finding him? Do we not think he might've made that realization earlier, and on top of that him being a kind child took her home to help her? As she was not speaking much, maybe he thought he'd been stupid for thinking of her as some sort of sign, only to have his first gut instinct proven RIGHT when she CONFIRMED knowing Will?

He did feel love at that moment, and it was because he saw El as a literal light in the darkness and thought it was some sort of sign that either Will was sending or a sign that this person was the key to finding him.

I have heard some Bylers talk about how this comment:

Means that Mike feels his life started when he found El, because he felt like it ended when he lost Will. And that might have some merit.

Mike's monologue to Eleven may just very well be an amalgamation of the mess that is Mike Wheeler's feelings for both El and Will. He loves them both, but he loves El as someone he aspires to be, while he loves Will as someone he aspires to be with.

I'm skipping over a lot of details as other Bylers have spoken about them before (such as Hopper saying 'what if after all of this time I have been looking for Will I have been chasing after some other kid?' being context we could apply to Mike as well) because I think this whole association of Will and Benny's Burger that Mike has of Will is something that could very realistically come up sometime in S5.

It takes ONE simple line of dialogue linking Will to Benny's Burgers for every single domino to fall into place.

And being honest, if I follow my Joyce spidey senses, I get a strong feeling that the duffers have already given us that context, and it is hidden somewhere within the show already.

[captain-mj]

What can I offer for another part of Small Switch? A feemor? My tibia? The skull of a questionable sourced Shaman?

Honestly, I loved that little fic! The subtle differences in the characters from their original selves, but they still kept the integrity of their characters! 10/10 fic!

~ Deuteronomy

Ngl I had massive brainworms from this and had to write a second part. Previous part here

After the little incident, Soap took a while to calm down. He hadn't necessarily been angry, even though no one believed me. He'd rather die than suffer through the humiliation of admitting Simon scared him.

Simon. Cute little guy who bleached his hair and didn't talk about himself much and apparently walked silently. Every time he made a sound was on purpose. For Soap he was now realizing. Probably other guys too, but around him specifically, he was always extra loud. Soap had considered it annoying. A sign that he was too comfortable around him. But now he realized it for his comfort.

It set him on edge. Ghost could sneak up on him any time. An unnerving presence that Soap just didn't pick up. How terrifying.

How... weirdly attractive.

All of these feelings made Simon's expression that much worse. The way he laid on the floor, blood smeared on the bottom half of his face, eyes wide and vacant. It bounced around his skull to remind him how awful he was. How much of a monster.

And the worst part?

Soap wanted to apologize.

To Ghost.

The FNG.

He always did when he forgot himself. Usually clearly forced. Apologies were said through gritted teeth full of something just to the left of hate and down from malice.

But he wanted to this time. Wanted to ask Simon to forgive him. As if that was possible.

Soap sat in Price's office, leg shaking. They weren't speaking. Didn't have to. Price could yell and scream all he wanted, but they both knew Soap couldn't change his fear response. That it was Ghost's fault for getting comfortable. For thinking sneaking up on him was okay.

Price would still make him apologize.

His phone buzzed and Price checked it, huffing like he saw something amusing. He flipped the screen around to show Soap Simon's bright and smiling face. His face had been cleaned and his lip clearly wasn't as bad as Soap originally thought. Simon also had his hand on shot, giving a thumbs up.

"Just a few bruises, he's fine. You can stop moping now, Soap."

Soap sighed. "I... didn't mean to. He just startled me." Johnny had turned around, ready to talk. To find something to fill the space between them. But there wasn't enough space between them. If Soap had leaned back, his head would've touched Simon's stomach.

Too close.

Far too close.

Simon's hair still felt so soft in his fingers.

Soap had taken his gloves off to feel the heat from his mug. Just one less layer between them.

"MacTavish." Price broke his thoughts gently. "What's going on between you two?"

"Nothing." Soap told the truth. "Unfortunately. You know why I can't Price."

"Rules."

"That too. I guess."

Price clearly was thinking something over and then he chose his words carefully. "If... something did happen... as long as I was sure it was... consensual, I'd look the other way."

Soap nodded. "I understand, sir. But it won't."

"And why not?" Price said it as a friend.

Soap sighed. "He's... too good. Too... soft and squishy."

"He's built like a brickhouse and benches more than anyone here."

"His insides I mean."

Price grimaced. "You know the drill, Soap. Go apologize for hurting him. Try to make it genuine."

Soap nodded and stalked off, sure to add angry flourish so the rookies would rush off.

Simon had already went to his room apparently. He was still a sergeant so he stayed with the rest of them. It bothered Soap a little. Made more sense for everyone in a taskforce to be together.

Funnily enough, this never bothered him when it was just Gaz. But now they were split in half and it was just messy.

Simon was chatting with someone. They looked friendly.

"Sergeant Riley." Soap spoke coldly, watching the other person jump. Both of them fell into formation. Like Soap might scold them otherwise. "Take a walk with me."

Simon nodded and grabbed his gloves, slipping them on as they walked. Skeleton print.

"Don't suppose that's because you're a fan of me?"

"My brother got them for me." Simon smiled at him. Like nothing had happened.

Soap tried to piece together a decent apology. Just saying I'm sorry did not seem like enough.

"I'm sorry for scaring you. I will admit, I lied in there. I was hoping to impress you. I know better. Used to scare everyone on my last base like that. I never... wanted to scare you." Simon looked down at him. His eyes were so big and brown. So soft.

Soap shook his head. "it's fine. It wasn't an excuse for me to hurt you. I actually came here to apologize."

The space between them was back. There were no words to fill it.

"You have any more jokes?" Soap asked him.

Ghost hummed. "What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?"

"What kind?"

"A lamborghini."

Soap made sure his smile could reach his eyes. Simon smiled back.

Too much space.

He wanted to feel his hair between his fingers.

Where Soap was being extremely dramatic, Simon was calm. It was his fault. But he hadn't really been scared of Soap. Soap just... reminded him of someone else when it happened.

Simon held up his hand, making sure Soap could see it, before he put it on his shoulder and squeezed.

"I love working with you, sir." Simon smiled, acting like he didn't just sink his claws into Soap and fill him with warmth.

He stepped away like he had done nothing.

Left Soap with a cold feeling where his hand should be.

-

"You cannot be serious, Soap." Gaz asked, grimacing. "Why can't you handle this by yourself? Or take Price?"

Soap noticed Gaz did not volunteer himself for torture duty. While yes, Soap could do this himself, standard protocol was two people. Price trusted his judgement on this since this was his area of expertise. Gaz was efficient. Soap knew his test scores blew everyone's out of the water. But Simon had never been part of this type of interrogation if his records were accurate. Soap wanted to see what he was working with.

Plus, if it scared Simon away from him for a bit, win win. Simon had gotten comfortable again. Now that he knew Johnny would let him, he touched him casually all the time. It drove him crazy and people noticed. A rookie had joked that Simon touching people was almost as rare as Soap getting touched and now the thought that he was somehow special kept echoing in his head.

"It's okay, Gaz. I went through the same training. I promise to follow everything as I'm ordered to." Simon smiled. He had fucking dimples. The bastard. He looked cute while offering to torture someone with Soap. Treated it with the same respect as if they were going grocery shopping.

Soap tried to convince himself he hoped this would knock him down a peg.

"Start by getting him scared. Rough him up a bit. I'll be right out of his sight." It was a scare tactic. People recognized Soap's mask, so when they dealt with whatever and then saw him, they folded. Usually.

Simon nodded. "So I just... hurt him, right?"

"Yep. If you cut him," Soap really doubted it, "Make sure he doesn't bleed out. Erases the point. I'll stop you if I think you're going to go too far. As long as you slap him around, we'll be fine."

Ghost stepped in the room. His posture straightened and it was clear he was trying to look intimidating.

Soap stood where the guy couldn't see him. He watched him with interest as Simon circled the table of things before settling on a knife. He did a fancy little trick with it before he turned to the man and rolled up the guy's sleeves. Simon pulled a chair and sat down like he was going to give the man a tattoo.

Soap watched, in both growing horror and growing attraction, as Simon slowly and painstakingly made cuts into his skin. None of them bled much as Simon avoided the bloodier parts of the meat.

"Where did you learn that?"

"From 14 to 18, I worked as a butcher. Got real knowledge about knives and meat. That's all we are. Go past the skin and we're not too different from cows."

Simon lifted his head to look at the man who recoiled from his face.

Soap's felt the air rush out of his lungs.

His eyes were lidded, something heady in his eyes. There was a nothingness to his features that made the stern expression from early look nice.

The man's breath sped up and he cringed back even further.

Soap stepped in and got the man to confess. Didn't take much more than pressing the already precision made cuts but he kept glancing at Ghost across the room. He stared like the man was a devil.

Seeing him in this lighting casting dark shadows down his face and the loose empty expression, he looked the part.

Soap gave a standard mission report, leaving out that Simon did almost everything.

Funnily enough, so did Simon's. He described it as informative.

Soap felt like he was being fucked with. He missed something. Clearly Simon was hiding something.

-

One night, after the 141 had went drinking, Soap took Ghost back to his room. The poor Brit was stumbling and holding on to Soap to keep standing.

"Didn't expect you to be such a lightweight."

"Had drank in a few years. I lose the ability to say no." Ghost smiled.

Soap understood the joke. Ghost was flirty. Or maybe horny was a better word. But something about it didn't land right. Made him feel weird.

Ghost tried to open his door and found it locked. He checked for his key and came up empty.

"Fuck. I must've dropped it." Simon looked at him. "What should I do?"

Soap pulled a lockpick he kept on himself out and got to work.

"Why do you carry that?"

"In case I get captured."

Simon did not press. He just nodded and smiled liked Soap had done something funny. Drunkenly, he watched Soap unlock his door and pull him inside.

"There. Now, sleep this off. You still need to be up bright and early."

"Gonna miss me if I'm not?" Simon asked, looking at him a little too seriously. He slipped off his gloves. Soap was very aware of the fact the door was open.

"I'm going to ignore your insubordination this once, Riley. Go to bed."

Simon groaned softly and his head fell back. "Don't be like that. I know we're friends." He slipped his jacket off his shoulders. It revealed his arms and Soap felt like Victorian woman seeing those shoulders get unraveled. Simon rolled his shoulders.

"Don't do friends."

Simon glared at him. That heady, dark look came back. "Right. Lone wolf." He dropped his jacket.

Soap looked at his arms again. He had tattoos on both his forearm. One of them was a patchwork tattoo, full of dozens of little "hardcore" tattoos. The other was flowers. Dozens of different kinds. They started at a place along his inner wrist where the veins were and trailed off to his fingers or up his arm.

"Do you like them? Every time I'm home, I get another tattoo."

"They're nice. Clearly well taken care of."

Simon smiled at him and sat down on his bed. "Yeah." He pulled off his shirt. More tattoos. The flowers wrapped around one of his collar bones. The patchwork tattoos flowed down his chest. Some of the ones further up were from bands or things that Soap recognized as from missions. Like the bomb they had to defuse, a safehouse, a few dates even. Soap wasn't sure if he should recognize them or not.

Soap blushed but his mask covered it up. "Can I get a closer look?"

Simon nodded. "Know you're an artist. Saw you drawing."

"Don't do that anymore."

"Liar. Your notes from meetings are covered in doodles." Simon moved so his arms were out. Soap looked along the delicate linework. The ink swirled in some places, making gorgeous designs.

"What's wrong? You're making a face." Simon mumbled, tilting his head to look at him better.

Soap brushed his thumb over the scars under his skin They were peppered over his skin. Cuts like he had been in a knife fight, burns and what he could only assume were bites from wild animal. "What's this from?"

"I was a dumb teen." Simon fell back into the bed, looking up at him. Soft underbelly on display. He had a few scars there too. Mostly cuts but also more burns and scratches.

Soap swallowed. "Go to sleep."

"Yes, sir."

He stood up slowly and turned around.

Simon's key flashed on the floor.

Soap stared at it. The way it was on the floor, it looked like it had been shoved through the door and then when Soap picked the lock, the door shoved it.

Their doors were set up so they could only be locked and unlocked with their main key and the master key. So if Simon shoved his key under his door, he would have to wait until the office opened up in the morning to get in his room.

Or.

Soap would let him.

He tried to brush it off as Simon planning on not going to his own room that night, a little overconfident in his ability to flirt.

But he hadn't wandered away from them all night.

Hadn't wandered away from Soap that night.

Soap flushed down to his toes and fled.

It was starting to occur to him that as little as everyone here knew Soap. They may know even less about a certain Simon Riley.

Why would he have so many scars? He had mostly been a sniper. This was his big break to be closer to the fight.

And some of them looked old. He was only 24.

Why the hell would a 16 year old get in a knife fight?

Who the hell was Simon Riley?

[genderkoolaid]

you have good takes so I'd be interested in your opinion on sth that's bugging me

Would you say queer cis men are discriminated against in terms of gender? my friends say they are only discriminated im terms of sexuality.

where I live it's common practice to rally around gender discrimination but to exclude queer cis men and that's the narrative, that they will never experience gender discrimination, but it doesn't sit right with me.

as I see it, they are discriminated in terms of being men "in the wrong way" just as trans men are.

what even is discrimination and privilege. my head hurts.

Gender and sexuality are so deeply intertwined that I think its hard to separate the two. I mean throughout human history it has been pretty common for gay men (and women) to be considered their own gender- not just in cultural third genders but also in the West (uranian, for example, is a word that was used- by gay men- to describe gay men as a "third sex," and theres a lesbian equivalent but I can't remember it). Being a man who liked other men meant you had a Woman Brain or Woman Soul or some variant of that idea (hence why trans queers and cis queers have often been grouped together), because you could not be a normal "real" man unless you were heterosexual. This is also why gay trans people have been discriminated against medically; if you are a woman with Man Brain, you can't become a man with Woman Brain, because then you would've been a straight woman.

I think part of the issue is that people tend to view "discrimination based on gender" as meaning "experiences misogyny in the same way or similar way cis women do." Gay men can and do experience misogyny, but if they aren't literally being seen as women while it happens, people may overlook it or just consider it sexuality-based discrimination. And there very much are cis gay men who are misogynistic and obviously have the benefit of being AMAB men, especially if they are gender conforming and socially acceptable and live in the right area... but I don't think "cis gay men can have privilege" logically concludes with "so they can't be discriminated for their gender." Especially since a lot of "cis gay men" ARE weird in the gender, they might not even be cis or they might be cis and something else. And we shouldn't judge the position of all cis gay men on the axis of gender based on the most privileged cis gay men we can imagine.

I don't think any sort of "you are less [gender] because [sexuality]" bigotry can be considered just discrimination for sexuality and not gender at all. I also think gender is so pervasive in all corners of life that all systems of oppression influence and use it- but with queerness specifically I think gender is always a fundamental part of it. Gay men aren't hated for the nebulous concept of "attraction to men," because women who are attracted to men aren't hated for it. They are hated for being men who are attracted to men. If people can understand how misogyny plays a fundamental role in lesbophobia, then it should be pretty clear how gay men's gender plays a role in homophobia as well.

[chaifootsteps]

Hello! It's Secret Identity Alastor AU Anon again! <3

Probably an unpopular take but: if they were gonna give That scene to Alastor and Mimzy in 'Dad Beat Dad' where Alastor tells Mimzy to buzz off, then Alastor should've gotten the 'fair weather/toxic friend' plotline rather than Angel Dust (it would've spared Cherri the character assassination at least). Or at the very least a friend betrayal plotline, not even a 'I tried to kill you/other people you started to care about" way, just a, "I actively fed information about you to other interested hostile parties and didn't even give you a heads up when their goons came knocking."

Maybe build it up with Alastor actually being, pretty reliable with doing Hotel things. Have multiple sinners check in for various reasons than just Sir Pentious, like Baxter, Crymini and then Mimzy. Have Mimzy be the spy for the Vees but Alastor totally unwilling to consider it. Have there be an actual mystery of who the spy is, and have Alastor and Vaggie be the main investigators because Charlie is busy trying to get an audience with the branch of Heaven monitoring Hell & running the Purges. Have Husk and Alastor (I prefer AU where they're actually kinda buds but I'd imagine they hold each other at a distance, or are tsundere about it) have an argument about Mimzy possibly being the spy, and have Alastor lose his fucking temper because that's his Bestie that Husk is trash talking (Husk wasn't exactly, but that's the point) and double down because man is literally terrified of looking weak and attackable. Have Mimzy had started to get cold feet about dropping an attack where one of her friends (Alastor) is working closely with, but the siege happening before she can give her friend a heads up. Then the friend betrayal is staring Alastor in the face. Have the attack on the hotel happen because Charlie is out at the meeting with Heaven finally; and thus leaving the Hotel "vulnerable". Have the culmination of the trust exercises for the main cast be the battle to defend themselves and the Hotel.

Then instead of like, talking about what they're actually feeling or whatever, Mimzy doubles down too, tries to play it off like, "there was never anything to worry about, besides, you've always been good at landing on your hooves, Al."

And then Alastor tells her to leave, maybe the whole "[redemption's] not your style" thing could be a callback to her words upon her check in to the Hotel? (Mimzy and Alastor could make up and be friends again in the future after some character development for both, some plot and actual communication between them.)

Then Alastor disappears long enough for the rest of the cast to grow concerned (there would've been, some bonding there?) enough to go looking for him. He's out killing and eating his feelings, he also might be injured from the Hotel Siege but refused to let the other Hotel cast see him look weak.

Also, I feel that one of Alastor's main sins/flaws should be Wrath. People keep assigning him Pride or Gluttony, and while I get it, it doesn't feel all that special or personal. But a vigilante killer in Hell who despite being in Hell still follows a code that punishes those that prey on or victimize the weak (in his eyes)? That's Wrath babey! What if Alastor had his father's temper (if we go with the common fanon that he had an abusive father, who probably hurt his mother while he was helpless to solve the problem in a meaningful way)? And oh, Alastor would be decent at keeping a lid on his temper in everyday life, whether through manners, hobbies, keeping distant, venting on hunting down jerks in Hell, etc, but his main method of self-control is complete denial & refusal to examine his own negative feelings, just keep dancing smiling 'til the curtain call, everything Is Fine, he is perfectly fine. So basically, Alastor's smile is a pressure cooker containing his temper (or something idk metaphor lol), and even he doesn't know when it's going to go off.

Yeah I know my AU version of Alastor is drifting significantly from both "canon" Alastor and long established common fan interpretations of him, but I like the stark dichotomy between the image that Alastor wishes to project as both his identities (the Radio Demon and Alastor) compared to whatever's actually going on in his head and his character arc. I hope this all makes sense or seems coherent to other people who aren't me.

Idk that's all I have right now. Like idk if I'd keep it, but the conflict of interest among friends, even besties, in the survival situation that is Hell could be interesting. It's a fun thought, anyways if you have thoughts, about or to add or whatever, have at it if you want (or not, that's valid too). <3

Got nothing to add to this, but I did enjoy reading it!

[jupiitersreturn]

Astrocartography Observations Part Two: Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto.

(Disclaimer: A lot of Astrologers use different orbs of measurements for Astrocartography. My limit is 200 km because I have seen lines that have influences up to that point, and depending on the planet, sometimes more.)

Planets:

Sun: Fame, Happiness, Vitality, Children.

Moon: Home, Roots, Family, Nostalgia.

Venus: Love, Beauty, Luxury, Desires.

Mercury: Lower Education, Communication, Knowledge, Friendships.

Mars: Passions, Action, Pain, Anger.

Jupiter: Luck, Higher Education, Religion, Beliefs.

Saturn: Karma, Restrictions, Discipline, Commitments, Delays

Uranus: Unpredictability, Innovation, Rebellion, Technology, Humanitarian ideals

Neptune: Illusions, Dreams, Spirituality, Intuition, Fame, Popularity.

Pluto: Destruction, Transformations, Deaths and Rebirths.

Where your Pluto lines are running through are places where you could experience the most profound transformations in your life. Places where you can discover more about yourself thus leading to enlightenment. However, being at these lines does not come without a price. Many fundamental teachings of Pluto will be present here (Death, Rebirth, Destruction, etc.) I'd also like to add that when Pluto takes, it always gives something else in return.

☆ Aaliyah Haughton has her Pluto MC line running through Los Angeles. Robert Sylvester Kelly was her executive producer at the time she released her 1994 debut album "Age Ain't Nothing But A Number". It was then that the rumors began to circulate that 15 year old Aaliyah had married her then 27 year old executive producer who named her album and became the driving influence in her success and her music career. Los Angeles (Hollywood) = Fame, MC = Career, Pluto = Transformations.

☆ Ryan Reynolds has his Pluto AS line running through Brazil where he was almost crushed by a falling barrier during a fan event due to it being overcrowded with people. Interestingly enough, Reynolds has his Mercury MC line (which rules groups of people as well as social events) squaring this line. AS = You, Pluto = Destruction.

☆ Blake Lively has her Pluto IC line running through Los Angeles where she was raised. Blake Lively secure her first real movie role (that just so happened to become a huge hit) after her older brother called a casting director and asked them to hire Lively who had already had a ton of experience with acting, having a talent scout mother and director father. Pluto = Transformations, IC = Family, Home, Roots.

Where your Saturn lines are running through are places where you could experience or be subject to delays and restrictions. I've also noticed that where these lines cross are places where you could make serious commitments and decisions; good or bad.

☆ David Beckham has his Saturn DC line running through Toronto. After injuring his ankle, Beckham made the decision to sit out what according to MLS Soccer, "would've been Beckham's first official league game, shown to a national TV audience on ESPN2 and played in a stadium full of Toronto fans that are already considered the most rabid in the league."

☆ Blake Lively has her Saturn IC line running through South Carolina which is where she married Ryan Reynolds. Saturn = Commitments, IC = Home, Family, Foundations.

☆ Catherine Zeta Jones has her Saturn DC line running through New York which is where she married Michael Douglas. Saturn = Commitment, DC = Partnerships, Relationships.

☆ Selena Quintanilla's Saturn IC line runs through Mexico and she is Mexican. Although she became the biggest Mexican-American music artist in her 20's, when she was younger she had no connection to her Mexican ancestry (IC). She had to learn about her ancestry, AND learn Spanish before she was able to be labeled a Mexican American music artist. (Saturn represents restrictions and delays).

Where your Neptune lines are running through are places where you could experience or be subject to idolization, and extreme popularity or fame. Having it running through the United States can signify global fame.

☆ Gigi Hadid has her Neptune MC line running through Los Angeles where she gained fame from being a model.

☆ Kendall Jenner has her Neptune MC line running through the middle of the United States and she is famous for not only modeling, but being a social media influencer, as well as being a member of one of the most popular families in America; The Kardashian-Jenners.

☆ Ariana Grande has her Neptune MC line running through the United Kingdom which is one of her top countries in terms of popularity.

☆ Elvis Presley has his Neptune MC line running through America. He has a global amount of fame from being a famous musician, with America being his strongest country with the most listeners. Additionally, he also has his Neptune DC line running through London which is his second strongest country in terms of streams and listeners.

☆ Twice's Mina has her Neptune IC running through Japan which is her hometown as well as the location of her biggest fan base.

Where your Uranus lines run through are placed where you could be part of or cause a major change,places where you experience unpredictable and shocking situations. It can also represent places where you can take up Humanitarian beliefs and concepts.

☆ Tom Hanks has his Uranus MC line running through North Carolina. During the pandemic a small bookstore was in danger of shutting down permanently due to the lack of business. After Tom Hanks gave the store a shoutout on "The Late Show" and a million dollar ad was given to the store, business for the bookstore skyrocketed and they were able to stay open at least through the summer.

☆ Ariana Grande has her Uranus MC line to the East of Manchester where there was, sadly, an unexpected fatal incident during one of her concerts. Interestingly enough, she also has her Chiron AC line squaring this line.

☆ Bella Hadid has her Uranus AS line running through India. In 2022 she slammed India for their blatant Islamophobia regarding the hijab row. She went on to say that she stands in solidarity with Muslim women.

[thatfreshi]

"Unlucky Draw" (Uni AU p. 15)

There's finally some fluff guys!!!!!!!!!

tw - anxiety, discussion of weed

Since Halsin's little break-up escapade happened, you actually do get the chance to see Astarion later that night. As of recent, he's been throwing himself into his thesis project more and more, to the point where most of your time hanging is spent with him looking through books and asking 'do you think this sounds right?'

"You know you can take a break, right?"

"I could, you're right, but then I'd just be wasting time. And I'm not allotted much time to work on this."

The two of you are comfortably sprawled across his mattress, like teenagers at a sleepover. You roll over and shut his laptop.

"C'mon, you've been staring at that paper for like two hours."

"And what else should I do, my darling Tav? Maybe stare at the ceiling in silence? Or scroll mindlessly on my phone until I don't feel like moving anymore?"

"Ugh, no! I don't know, take a coffee break. You're probably not going to sleep anyways."

Your best friend almost looks peaceful like this, wrapped in a cozy sweater and sweatpants, always wearing long socks because he gets cold too easily. You find yourself lingering on the thought longer than normal, wishing he could feel that comfortable warmth all the time, wondering it might be like to share in it.

"Tav, are you listening? God, maybe we should just stare at the ceiling in silence."

"Sorry, just spacing out. What were you saying?"

"I was saying, how I should probably cut back on the caffeine."

"Really? Astarion Barista Ancunín, are you turning your back on your beloved espresso machine?"

"Look, I'm not happy about it, but I've been far too anxious as of late. My nerves are on fire constantly, jumping at every little noise I hear. It's irritating, to say the least."

"I thought being caffeinated was how you dealt with the insomnia though?"

"Oh it very much is, which will become a problem soon enough, but I just can't be this nervous constantly."

It's something that you've definitely noticed, how quiet and fidgety he's become recently.

"You considered smoking weed? I know Gale says it helps him zen out, especially when it comes to art stuff."

"Nope, makes me paranoid."

"Damn, unlucky draw I guess."

"You're telling me. I smoked one time back in high school, couldn't sleep for hours, kept thinking someone was out to get me or something."

You start to get lost in the peace of the moment again, the fact that you're able to talk about shit that doesn't matter, how the light from the bedside lamp hits his eyes just right...

"Are you alright? You seem, out of it."

"Sorry, just thinking about what Halsin said to me."

"I can't believe he just broke things off like that, without a reason."

You swallow hard.

"He, he said it's because he thinks you like me? And that he doesn't want to get in the way of that?"

There's silence for a moment, that you jump to fill.

"But that's not true right? We're just friends, I don't know where he would've gotten that idea from."

"Right, I don't know either... sounds like you dodged a bullet with him."

"Yeah, probably so."

God, has he always looked like this? Damn Halsin, damn all those things he said, damn Gale for even playing into it. You remind yourself that Astarion's right, that this doesn't need to get any more complicated than it already is, that he has enough on his plate.

"Now, am I allowed to go back to my thesis now? Or do I need to have more mandatory break time?"

You playfully sigh.

"I guess you can do productive things or whatever."

"Well, in that case would you like to come read what I have?"

"I'll look at it, but you have the cool narrator voice, you have to read it to be like a professional author."

He rolls his eyes, and you go to sit next to him, looking at the thousands of words he's typed at this point. Astarion starts to read it out loud, editing tiny things as he goes, forever a little perfectionist. After a while, the voice becomes too soothing, and you fall asleep there next to him, letting your head hit his shoulder.

"Tav?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you knocked out, clearly exhausted. He doesn't stop reading though, worried if he does that he'll somehow ruin the sleep he's let you stumble into. So he spends the rest of the night rereading out loud and talking to himself, occasionally asking you things that you don't answer. After many hours pass, and the wee hours of the morning arrive, along with the clock turning to say five AM, he puts his laptop aside, and asks you one final question.

"Why do you insist on pulling my heartstrings the way you do?"

And it falls on your sleeping ears, never truly getting through.

[spooky-bunnys]

hii! you could do a “Taiju x male reader” idk like Taiju is the super jealous and protective type of guy😭🫶🏻

Anything for Taiju! I've said this before and I'll say it again, Taiju is one of my favorite male characters of Tokyo Revengers. So I hope you enjoy this fic cause I know I did lol

(Name) giggled as Taiju picked him up and spun around. "Tai! Put me down!" Taiju just smiled and replied with a short no. They were having a picnic at their favorite park. The black dragon members were spread out surrounding the park in case something were to happen. Especially since apparently (Name)'s ex had be released from jail.

(Name) was honestly worried about leaving the house, when he was informed that (Ex Name) had been released. Especially with how they ended. Which was with Taiju pretty much beating his face in. He was (Name)'s night in red armor. Considering he was in his Leader uniform.

Taiju and (Name) were just goofing around having fun. (Name) was currently thrown over Taiju's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He laughed each time Taiju pretended to drop him. The gang members smiled at the couple. It was thanks to (Name) that their leader had changed for the better. Taiju's anger had calmed tremendously and he wasn't as violent.

Though the most thankful was Hakkai and Yazuha. They literally cried when Taiju introduced them to (Name). (Name) loved the two younger Shiba siblings. Explaining how he was an only child and always wanted siblings. Everything was going great and everyone was smiling.

"Hey Babe? Can you let me down I need to use the bathroom. Like really bad. I guess I shouldn't have let Hakkai convince me to have that Lemonade drinking contest." Taiju let him down and gave him a short kiss. "Alright you remember where the bathroom is?" (Name) nodded and quickly jogged to the bathroom.

Which was actually quite a bit away from where they were. After doing his business and washing his hands. (Name) left the bathroom and immediately got lost. He huffed looking around and luckily found Inui. Before he could call out to him, he felt a hang grabs wrist. Hard. (Name) turned and paled when he released who it was. It was (Ex Name).

He tried pulling away but wasn't strong enough. He was dragged away from Inui who had taken notice on what was happening. He quickly pulled out his phone and called Taiju who had been looking for (Name). When he was informed on what was going on he immediately ran off. Looking everywhere for (Name).

When he saw them again he saw Inui was standing over a crouched (Ex Name). While (Name) was hiding behind Kokonoi. Now Taiju was glad (Name) was okay. He was just upset how (Name) was surrounded by other men. He quickly made his way over and checked on (Name). Trying to find any injuries.

When he saw how swollen his wrist was he didn't hesitate to stomp on (Ex Name)'s back. "How." He stomped. "Dare." Stomped again. "You." He stomped harder. "Touch Him!" Taiju punches him as hard as he could. (Name) quickly clung to Taiju trying to calm him down. "Tai! Taiju! I'm okay! Koko and Inupi saved me before anything could happen!"

Taiju slowly stood up and picked (Name) up princess style. Making the smaller male squeak. Taiju would've found it adorable I'd the situation was better. "Koko. Inui. You two know what to do." The two males nodded and grabbed the unconscious body and dragged it away from the couple.

Taiju kissed (Name)'s head and started heading back to their blanket. "You know. I'm glad my gang is so protective of you. But I hate how close they are with you." (Name) chuckled and kisses Taiju. "Your the most jealous man I'm around I swear." Taiju stopped and stared at (Name). "You hang around other men?" (Name) face-palmed.

[panicataphmausinsanity]

levin

thinkig about how easily jess made levin accept aphmau as his mother once she came back... like bitch. wtf. that would have NEVER have happened. evre.

aphmau missed out on so much of levin's childhood. the worst thing is that it's no one's fault, so levin can't even blame anyone. but imo, i dont think he'd even be okay with aph being there. there'd be some sort of resentment towards her that he wouldn't be able to shake off for a long time. he would never accept aphmau as his mother so fast.

to him, it's zoey. zoey was the one who took care of him all those years, telling him stories about his "mother" when he knew that the woman she was talking about was no where near qualified to be called his mother. to him, zoey was always his mom. he'd be annoyed with everyone dubbing aphmau as his mom. he'd call zoey mom, sometimes even right to aphmau's face.

i honestly feel like the dude would feel threatened by aphmau's presence. he was fed all of these amazing stories by everyone in the village about what an awesome, great, considerate, smart, loving, bla bla bla lord his mom was. i'd say it would've given him such high expectations to live to, expectations that would cushion his mind and suffocate him so hard.

malachi tho... i hc malachi having hyperthymesia (everlasting memory where one can remember most of their life in vivid detail) so considering my hc i feel like they'd have a very heartwarming reunion.

oh and aphmau's pov about this,,,,, she'd feel very fucking weird and maybe even down right hatred for how levin calls zoey mom. SHE's his mother. BUT she would be extremely mature about it and wouldn't outwardly show her distaste for anything at all, she understands why this is happening but it's not something she can stand whatsoever.

it'd take a few years for levin to get used to aphmau me thinks. but oh, he'd get used to garroth MUCH easier. at the very least, garroth resembles the dude. surprisingly a lot. there's some familiarity he can get behind here, but aphmau...? this pisses aphmau off even more imo :3 it took levin literal years to be okay around aphmau, but with garroth i'd say some months? instead and it's not like aphmau can do anything about it either.. levin needs to come to her at his own pace and time . . .

levin to garroth: "where were you all my life XDD ♥/giddy giggles"

levin to aphmau: "where were you all my life. ☺/struggle & hint of animosity"

i think this is how the dynamic would go..........

im shit at putting my thoughts into words and all of this seems so much better in my mind BUT i hope someone gets what i mean :skull

[kalims]

‎˃ ᵕ ˂ . . "if we ever break up I'd go back to my ex because I love them too much—you're my ex stupid."

"if I broke up with you, I'd go back to my ex."

premise. let's all pretend that in a state of emergency at the word of "breaking up" some are gonna lose all logic and not register the ex part.

parts. one , two

characters. cater, idia, riddle, epel, jamil, kalim, jade, and floyd.

cw. established relationship, fluff, teensy tiny angst, crack, tweels being highkey red flags, nothing too triggering so this is safe to proceed with.

🏷 : for @cynthinesia

note. also, I already have the characters for the second part planned, courtesy of @/vyndiesel since they did get 2nd when i asked for it.

cater diamond

"if I broke up with you, I'd go back to my ex."

"haha. what."

the only way that you'll actually get him is if that he isn't directly looking at you. cater is scarily perspective and I don't lie when I tell you he'd figure it out immediately the second he takes a look at your face but whose to say he can't tell from your voice alone? I do.

anyways! if you do actually get him and he has no idea on what's happening cater will awkwardly laugh at first and think you're joking. you are but at the same time you're not? you'll have to know what your sentence means before understanding that.

cue staring contest with cater wearing a bright look while you're trying your best to keep a straight face and not burst into laughter at the look he gives you alone. it looks quite normal, there's still the cheery look he has but the thinly veil of irritation in his eyes honestly says otherwise.

that's fine... but like rather than why your 'past lover' WHO THE FUCK IS YOUR EX?? you need to tell him their social media username so he can judge the fuck out of them and analyze if they are good enough. (spoiler: no one is better than him atleast)

finally you concede and end up telling him that HE'S the ex if you end up breaking up. his face just breaks and he starts laughing with you, proceeds to playfully threaten you because um.. don't break up with him 🔫 .... please? ^^

cater on his way to make sure he's gonna get you back, he will but I reccomend for you to watch your back. it's fairly easy to spot when he'd try prank you back cause he posts in the exact same day, containing a lot of questionable stuff and "get ready for havoc" insert long ass tags

for someone you'd consider smart cater's actually pretty dumb (in a good way♡)

idia shroud

"if I broke up with you, I'd go back to my ex."

"..😨 I knew it.."

literally stop before you make him even more depressed. lets think of a scenario where you're chilling together in the empty room of his club, surrounded by board games, generally something he knows he can manage and win.

see this is why he doesn't go outside.. 😞 he would've gone back to the dorm since classes were over but you were insistent on talking to him alone so he helplessly let you drag him around the school until you pull him inside the room. not that he'd ever have the courage to deny. (you out of all people as well.)

you struggle to stifle a laugh when he looks like he's ascended and not in the good way you'd think. to put it simply, he looks horrified and most definitely not having processed all your words yet. I will be using this pic once again because it's too big of an opportunity to ignore.

starts stammering a sentence but too horrified to actually finish one so he just shuts up and lowers his head in a way that makes you feel bad, just as you're seconds away from comforting him—

ortho from somewhere in the room? how did he get there, was he always there? simple. we will never know. anyways ortho casually says that if you broke up with idia your past lover would be idia in a happy-go-lucky super smart tone. /j

oh... now he gets it! but that wasn't a very nice thing to do prefect. you had him questioning his life existence and choices because if he didn't go with you would this have still happened?? full of regret.

no he will not let you inside his room... temporarily *hides in the dark while gloomily playing games*

riddle rosehearts

"if I broke up with you, I'd go back to my ex."

"🙁😡"

how dare you say this atrocious thing right at his face?! are you stupid because now you have the short end of the stick. you honestly would've been punished to the fact that you'd wish you never told him but since he loves you he just.. teensy weensy gets a bit harder on the rule breakers :).

ace is highkey spamming you because he does not want to get collared once again and him and a bunch of other people are walking on eggshells around riddle because he's suddenly more sensitive to stuff so = more easier to anger.

ngl that kinda made him sad cause :( ur gonna break up with him? </3 even if there was an 'if' please stop ir cause ur putting ideas, doubts, and a bunch of things that aren't good in his head.

so he just reacts in a way he knows best. ✨anger✨, maybe it's not healthy but it's a response that had grown into a habit soooo he just starts getting red in the face while frantically excusing himself cause he will never let you see him actually crumble.

so when you see him actually struggling to keep it up, he looks upset so you just blurt out that HE'D be your ex if you broke up with him.

riddle turns incredibly stiff, like you can see the invisible jolts that climbs up his whole body (for comedic purposes) and his red face is no longer an indication of an upset, or angry emotion. it's more of embarrassment and maybe shyness.

awkwardly clears his throat and mumbles a; "I see, that's.. a relief." also he surpassed the 6 bulleted per character i set for everyone so next..

epel felmier

"if I broke up with you, I'd go back to my ex."

"WHAT--ahem.. what??"

was two seconds away from bursting a nerve, and slipping into his accent but it was gonna be used on a more aggressive-flabbergasted reason. you know he's gonna start bothering you to subtly ask who exactly your ex is.

that's just one of his questions by the way, he's also gonna ask what you saw in your ex and why you were gonna break up with him. I honestly think epel wouldn't be able to tell that it's a joke cause if he sees something bigger(break up with you part); which conceals the small loop hole. (i'd go back to my ex part)

so he doesn't really register it just like any of the boys listed here. epel is both mad but also curious since you never mentioned an ex so he wants to see if your ex did you justice. either you laugh because you don't have an ex, or just at epel's unconscious cute behavior.

if you don't tell him the joke, he's gonna end up spilling to either vil or rook, one way or another. and the two would decipher it quite easily since their minds aren't erratic like epel's was when you first spoke of it.

so how to know if epel now knows the joke? he's stomping his way over to you but also awkwardly slowing down, and calming his steps because he remembers pomefiore residents that might report his 'ungraceful' behavior to vil.

anyways he doesn't know whether to feel more mad or happy, but hey! atleast epel's back to being himself. maybe more talkative and affectionate... hehe.

jamil viper

"if I broke up with you, I'd go back to my ex."

"😐"

oh, what was that? what did you say prefect? oh you'll go back to your ex? hmm.. okay thanks for telling him /s goodluck on your new relationship cause he does not give a fuck because he knows you won't actually break up with him.

jamil poker face on. atleast he's 98% sure you won't, but he knows 2% still means it's possible.

also he has a huge radiar of the bullshit detector. given that he's dealt with a hefty amount of dumbasses the people trying to take advantage of kalim so you're not fooling him any time soon.

anyways since you have a lot of free time to prank him why don't you go and help him around with the chores huh? passive agressively dumps work on you because he's secretly salty about the fact that you told him that.

^ now he's in a certain mood which makes him more quiet and dismissive of people who try to talk to him, if someone that he doesn't know came up to him right know he's too absorbed to put up the polite act so he says some random excuse.

pretends he wasn't getting worked up over it after he randomly realizes that he would be the ex if you broke up with him. also secretly relieved cause that means you love him still, regardless whethee you're together or not..

kalim al asim

"if I broke up with you, I'd go back to my ex."

":(.... that's good for you.. :(("

our pure boy still sees the best in every situation even if it doesn't please him in the slightest and instead, makes him sad & gloomy. kalim really does wish you happiness if he loves you so much, even if it isn't with him.

takes this 100% seriously so you feel like absolute shit garbage for pulling such a prank on him when he looks so... SAD?? this depends on how intent you are on finishing this, or you just want to torture yourself by prolonging the truth by him.

OKAY this can go in two ways. if you end up breaking face at the sight of kalim quite literally near tears while wishing you all the best cause he thinks this is an implication of the future and that you're really gonna break up with him </3

—and tell him that it's a prank and he'll be the ex if you break up with him. his sad face just immediately goes away as he tearily leaps straight at your body and doesn't think about the landing for a moment since he's so relieved. "MC!😢💛"

but, if you were intent to keep it up until the end of the day atleast. you're gonna get a jamil knocking at your homeroom with an exhausted look on his face as he stares at you as if to say. 'what did you do.' because he's receiving the end of kalim's mood.

he's gonna 100% drag you over to go to kalim because no way you're gonna get away with the hell hole you just put him in. if you won't spill what you did he WILL make you spill it trust me.

jade leech

"if I broke up with you, I'd go back to my ex."

"fufu, what makes you think I'd let you leave me?"

high key went yandere for the span of two seconds. but I think we can all agree that jade is a sadist and he really wants to test how deep in depth your love is so he starts taking your sentence seriously and watching you fumble around with an easy smile.

maybe he means harm, maybe he doesn't but his intention is more pure than you'd think, not actually pure pure but y'know. just to test how much you love him hehehe 🚩and cause he thinks your joke is so, funny.

out of all the 8 characters here. jade would be easily the first one to discern the certain trick in your joke and he's pleasantly suprised when he comes to the realization that if you indeed, did break up with him. he will be your ex and that means you'll go back to him.

guess your love does really run deep, so sweet. 🚩😃

nothing really ever changes but jade will convince you that he doesn't know the catch of the joke by pretending he's upset, with his stupidly decent theatre skills. basically you won't know that he knows about it.

overall it provided very good entertainment for him. even if you ended up being centered around it instead of the other way around. jade somehow twisted it to his advantage and it's his joke now, not yours. 🙄

floyd leech

"if I broke up with you, I'd go back to my ex."

"noooo shrimpy! don't leave me or else I'll beat up the guy that you go back to 😡"

in all honesty you can't tell if you should consider his statement cute or a whole ass red flag cause he's basically acting so cute yet so malicious at the same time. so *crosses out last part* there now it looks normal.

floyd doesn't give you any time to react as he walks away with a big frown and everyone immediately starts scattering. you come to know that he's attempting to threaten everyone to check if you've dated any of these... buffoons....

if you won't tell him then he'd just get everyone else to tell it to him instead, he'd never force his shrimpy to say something they don't want to! 😇 *starts forcing everyone else* congrats you're an exception to his shenanigans.

since he's already gone and terrorizing the students, jade will find him one way or another to ask about his foul mood so floyd being floyd who can't keep something to himself, especially if it's jade asking spills everything vaguely.

but jade is used to that so he easily gets it and tells floyd. his mood immediately goes up and his scary aura disappears and is now replaced with a sparkly one. he's touched ♡♡

floyd: :0

floyd: :D

jade: :)

he's happy again and most probably running away to crush you with a hug. floyd is now more clingy and highkey possessive, using every single reason to keep you away from everyone, pouting when your attention drifts from him to somewhere else.

ask mc on how to make a tall, big, scary eel man happy.

anyways since ur here have song reccomendations: