#but the fact i'm so different yet still the same person who still likes total drama is so mind boggling

[quackle]

i'm really in this total drama shit for life arent i

[oakgreenoak]

Something I've always found kinda interesting about Red and Green in gameverse is how they turn some of the Stock Shōnen Protagonist/Rival tropes on their heads.

This is really long character analysis of these two and various media counterparts of theirs, so I'm gonna stick it under a cut.

In some ways they fit their roles quite well - aside from the obvious colour associations, you have Red as the hero whose sense of justice is stronger than his sense of self-preservation, and you have Green as the privileged rival who cares about beating Red above all else.

But, if you look at it another way - Green's got the light spiky hair, the hot-headed and boisterous personality, the drive to Get Better And Win. He's designed to read as really open and chipper, yet snarky. Sure, he isn't dumb, but he's arrogant, and he's got something of a one-track mind; the guy finds himself in the middle of a hostage situation because he's just that hellbent on fighting his rival, and does not seem to be thinking about anything else. He's also got a motivation - given how the Professor talks to him in the championship room and supplementary material like his Generations appearance, it's not a stretch to think the reason he's so driven to Get Better And Win is to prove himself to his grandfather. It's shown in later games and supplementary works that he's become somewhat of a mentor as he got older and wiser.

Red, on the other hand, is a quiet loner whose only motivation seems to be to get stronger for the sake of getting stronger. He's level-headed and dark haired, his cap rounding off his edges and obscuring his face. He's heroic, but not really sociable, as evidenced by the fact he spends the Johto games alone on a mountain without having told anyone where he went. He seems isolated in a way that later games' protagonists really don't. He may have always been a step behind Green, but he's always better.

Equally fascinating to me is how other adaptations have changed the base designs around and rewritten personalities to suit different purposes, while still being visually recognisable as counterparts to their game-selves.

For example: Red and Green's counterparts in Special slot WAY more neatly into their stock shōnen roles, with Red as the boisterous hero and Green as the broody rival, and it's reflected in their new designs.

Red's hair becomes spiky to reflect his more excitable nature. His hat, in turn, never obscures his face; it's always either tilted back to accommodate his fringe or turned backwards. Green's hair, on the other hand, is not quite as spiked upwards and instead falls into his face, frequently obscuring his far eye in the same way game!Red's hat does.

And then, of course, the anime balanced them in a totally different direction.

Instead of scrapping Green's personality wholecloth, it's become exaggerated in Gary. He's not the broody antihero rival, he's the arrogant, privileged, better-than-you rival. He's always ten steps ahead of Ash, always pisses him off, and is ALWAYS better until the end of his run. The anime also emphasises his intelligence far more, with him doing things like rattling off dex info and the speed of light in mph off the top of his head, to further contrast him with Ash.

Ash, who is of course THE shōnen protagonist. He's dumb, but determined, and always ready to help people in need. Unlike game!Red, the power of friendship (with more than just pokémon) is central to him; any given season of the show is defined as much if not moreso by his travelling companions and interpersonal relationships as it is by whatever he's actually doing.

It's funny to me, though, how most adaptations seem to find the fact that gameverse Red and Green have swapped some stock roles as something to fix. Even Origins, which is probably the closest a high-profile adaption has come to game-accurate, made its version of Red louder and more standard-hero-esque.

I'm not knocking any of these things, of course, just observing. I adore both Special and anipoke. I just think that the way the game characters are written could lead to some interesting dynamics were it to be explored more.

[hauntedwitch04]

I hate you Black

Regulus Black x reader

Words: about 4.1k words

Warnings: some angst, sexy Reggie and some funny times

Author’s note: Hi everybody! It's so good being back, I missed writing and this is the first one-shot I write in a lot of time, so I'm really grateful for every tiny bit of love you gave me. This is my first time writing for the kinktober, hope you enjoy my writing.

P.s. i don't really now how much is hate fuck this fic, but here we are.

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KINKTOBER -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. KINKTOBER TAGLIST 2023

DAY 1: Hate fucking

To say that Regulus and I do not get along is an understatement.

We have been part of the same group of friends, namely the Marauders, for years now, since both my brother, James, and his brother, Sirius, are best friends, in fact they often consider each other almost brothers, on the contrary however the two of us have not been able to find common ground and usually always end up insulting each other and playing stupid jokes to irritate the other person.

Since our first year at Hogwarts, we have clashed because of our pride and desire to prove ourselves better than the other, and this challenge has continued outside of school, in everyday life.

This party is no different.

Sirius and Remus wanted to inaugurate the new apartment they decided to get, to live together, after being together for almost a year already, and so they threw a party with all their closest friends, including me and the younger Black.

I don't quite remember how I ended up straddling him with my hands around his neck, but I do remember the reason for that choice. Between his various jokes and yet another spilled glass on my favorite shirt because of his "carelessness," although we all know that if anyone is graceful it is him, the moment he mentioned what is now my ex-boyfriend. Just before coming to the party, in fact, that asshole decided to break up with me, telling me that he never actually felt anything really important for me, and that I was merely a fling that lasted too long and that now he actually already has another girlfriend and I was just in the way. A year and a half. We stayed together a year and a half, and he had to say that and turn away without looking back, or without a bit of shame or guilt, he didn't even apologize to me for shamelessly cheating on me. Part of me didn't even want to come to the party, but I love Siri and Remmy too much to let them down, so I took heart and convinced myself that I would have a good time, but at Regulus' words, "Where's your boyfriend? Is he tired of you too?", I saw no more. Smoke began to come out of my ears, my vision turned black, and inside I felt only a single emotion.

I realize what I was doing only after James detaches me from Regulus, while Sirius grabs his brother, and pulls him away from me.

"Are you totally crazy? You could have killed me!" Says Regulus shocked as he holds a hand to his throat, still struggling to breathe.

"Too bad, it will be for next time then." I answer coldly, to go toward the hall to get my coat, while I quickly apologize to the hosts and say I have to go home, because I don't feel too well. Both James and Sirius, Remus and Lily try to stop me, thinking it's because of guilt, but I really don't want them to see me crying and having to explain later that my ex-boyfriend cheated on me and left me, and now I just feel like a pathetic little girl who can't be loved.

I hurry out of the house and immediately get hit by the cold autumn wind, which envelops me like a hug and shakes my hair, making it go over my face, thus tickling my nose. I smile and start walking toward my house, although it is quite far away, in fact I had come with my brother. I try to contain my emotions, but the tranquility and peace of the city at this hour give me enough security to let my tears flow freely down my cheeks. There is not a living soul to judge me, or so I thought.

I hear footsteps approaching behind me, someone is running toward me, so I turn around and see a breathless Regulus Black standing still, leaning on his knees and signaling to me to wait a second.

I try to wipe away my tears so that he can see that I was crying, but it is too late now, because his expression immediately changes and he seems confused by what he is seeing.

"I don't need your stupid excuses, go back to the others and tell them the bitch is not ready to be insulted by you again." I say trying to distract him as I turn and start walking faster, but a hand grabs my shoulder and makes me turn around.

"Are you crying?" Regulus asks, under his breath, as if even he does not believe the scene before him.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are as sharp as Sherlock Holmes." I say trying to wriggle out of his grip, but he brings his second hand to my face, and wipes away a couple of tears that had reached my chin.

"If it's something I said, I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't want to come and apologize, they forced me, however, I never wanted to make you cry, I was just playing with you." He continues, not caring what I had said. He looks me straight in the eye and I see his sincerity, and I don't know why I start to cry more. He looks at me unsure of what to do, before hugging me. As we are squeezed in that hug I tell him the real reason I was crying and apologize to him for what I had done earlier at the party. As I finish my story, he pulls away from that hold and looks into my eyes again.

"Hey, he's the asshole, not you. And he's also stupid if he didn't see the magnificent person he had beside him." He tells me firmly and sweetly at the same time.

"Says the boy who has been insulting me since we were eleven years old." I reply sarcastically as I stare into his eyes, and I can't lie to myself. I've always thought Regulus is a handsome boy, but damn, right now he looks like a deity come down to earth to teach us what beauty is.

"Hey I may be an asshole, maybe even a little stupid, but it's not like I'm blind." He continues, smiling at me as he looks at my lips. "You know I think I found a more appropriate way to apologize." He whispers as he moves even closer to my lips.

My brain cannot process the moment, everything seems fuzzy. Its scent, fresh mint, coffee and cigarettes, intoxicates me like a drug, and I can't do anything but screw it up to do what my instinct tells me to do.

"Know that it will not be easy to make it up to you for everything you have done to me. You were very, very mean to me." I whisper before kissing him, tired of that game.

I feel like giving my first kiss for the second time. Our lips chase each other, eating each other, needing each other. I feel my hands run through his hair, while his rests on my hips and draws me to him in a death grip.

We continue kissing, and time seems to stop, even the dry leaves seem to stand still in the air, waiting for our future to be drawn, anxious to see our next move.

Eventually we part, to catch our breath, and a faint laugh escapes from my lips.

"Know that I hate you anyway." I tell him and he can't help but chuckle, before taking on a serious look.

"Would you like to come to my house. You know I'd like to apologize for good, and show you that you've had really bad taste in men so far." He says seductively in my ear.

"You have to be careful what you say Black, because it could backfire on you with this sentence." I reply, trying to hide the emotions it is stirring in me.

"No baby, I'm going to show you how a real man should treat you, and not the idiot you used to date." He continues, whispering on my lips, before leaving a light kiss, as light as a butterfly resting gracefully on a flower.

"Know that this does not take away from the fact that I hate you." I reply, still partly in trance after that kiss.

"This just means that I will have to work harder at apologizing." Regulus replies, before stepping back a little, and removing the scarf around his neck, to give it to me. I didn't even notice that I'm shaking, too engrossed in this moment.

"Come on, let's go to my place, it's not too far." Says the boy, putting an arm on my shoulder, thus blocking any possibility of my thinking with his intoxicating scent for the second time this evening. After a few minutes of walking we arrive in front of a dark door, for which young Black quickly pulls out the key to open it.

Once inside the house, I am amazed at how the entire apartment is furnished. Dark furniture stands out against the green and white walls. Soft lights illuminate the rooms, giving it a cozy atmosphere. Every item is meticulously placed in a studied spot, everything is perfect, every note played with the right pitch to create a wonderful harmony.

I am lost in looking around the room when I feel a pair of hands drawing me toward them.

One hand gently removes my scarf, while another turns me around. In Regulus' eyes I see pure pleasure, and this only creates an unpleasant wet feeling in my panties.... We look at each other for a second before pouncing on each other like hungry prey, moving slowly down the stairs and into the bedroom. He pulls me back until I touch the bed with my knees, then drops me down, pulling away from the kiss. I look at him and see his lips red and swollen as he struggles to catch his breath. His hair is messy from my fingers, yet he has never looked more beautiful to me than in this moment. I watch him slowly approach the button of my jeans like a fierce lion studying its prey, and then with a precise and quick gesture, unbutton my pants. In the blink of an eye these lie on the floor, tossed from some indefinite part of the room. The only thing now separating him from his goal is my underwear, but before he can take the next step, I gently place a foot on his chest and look seductively at him.

"Hold your horses Black, if you want to play with me you have to do it right. One garment each at a time, I lost my pants, now you have to take something off." I say looking at him carefully, and he chuckles at my words.

"You can be really obnoxious Potter, you know that?" He asks wryly as he removes his sweatshirt, revealing his bare chest, since he has no shirt underneath. For a moment I am breathless at that ethereal sight. Her white skin glows in the moonlight entering the room. His physique is muscular but not overly so, I can tell he works out a lot and holds himself, but it's also not excessive. I get flashbacks of seeing him practicing Quidditch at Hogwarts shirtless with sweaty hair in the wind, and immediately I find myself having to make the physical effort to not cum in that same instant.

"I try my best." I respond seductively as I watch him lower himself, going on his knees, getting to be at the same level as my pussy.

"Now if you don't mind, I have a promise to keep: to prove that your asshole ex is nothing compared to me." He says before pouncing on me as if I were a feast. I don't have time to respond because he immediately starts kissing my inner thigh, both from the right and the left until he reaches his booty. Slowly, with his teeth, he grabs my panties, leaving a few wet kisses on my skin and making me shiver, and slowly he slides them all the way down my legs.

It is the most terrible, nerve-wracking, and sexy torture I have ever had to endure.

"I thought you were supposed to make it up to me Black, not make me madder." I say in a voice little louder than a sigh as I feel his hot breath on the center of my pleasure.

"Oh baby, I still have to start apologizing, and get ready because I want to do it right." He says, as he caresses the most intimate part of me with his lips. A second later, pure pleasure invades my every sense as he begins to kiss the lips of my pussy. I feel his tongue caressing me, as my hands wriggle in his hair, drawing him ever closer to the center of my pleasure, and with my eyes around his name like a song, between moans and expletives. I hear him smile at my reaction, and just as I was about to respond rudely to him, he increases my torture by adding a finger, taking it in and out of my opening. A few minutes thus pass, me hovering on the edge of pleasure, just as he looks up and shifts slightly. His mouth is completely wet from my pleasure, while I curse for the missed orgasm.

"You'd better finish what you started Black, because I swear that on the contrary you can distantly forget any chance of me being more generous to you." I say, trying to catch my breath.

"I was just catching my breath for the grand finale." He replies with a small smile, seeing my desperation.

"Go fuck yourself."

"I think that's what we're doing baby. What, I'm too good and you're not used to feeling so much pleasure?" He says smiling again as again, he turns me around kissing my entire thigh.

"By Merlin, how I hate you Black." I gasp, between groans.

"Try to convince yourself of this all you want honey, but we both know that right now your orgasms depend on me." And with that he begins his feast again, with more eagerness, and again, in a few minutes I am again on the brink of absolute pleasure, but this time I manage to go further, and for a moment I feel like I can touch the sky with my finger. I feel the blankets tighten between my fingers as I moan his name, almost screaming it, as if I want the world to know who was responsible for so much pleasure.

A few seconds pass, as I try to regain possession of my body and mind, before he speaks again.

"Fuck, that was the sexiest thing I've ever seen." He says giggling, before starting to kiss my body again, slowly, savoring every inch. He pulls off my shirt, as I now recovered from all that unexpected pleasure, taking off my bra. I see him staring at my breasts, before teasing my nipples, one with his tongue and one with his fingers. He bites, sucking my breasts, leaving signs of his passage as I try not to lose myself again in that spiral of pleasure.

"Damn, you don't know how long I've wanted to touch them, taste them, mark them as my own." He says in a gasp, before switching nipples and moving on to the other. Meanwhile then I try to distract him by opening his pants, but as soon as I try to touch his dick, he stops and moves my hand away, looking me straight in the eye.

"Tonight is just for you, not for me, now let me continue and make you feel like the goddess you are." At her words I can't help but hold back a sigh of pleasure.

"Now I understand why everyone was falling at your feet in school, you really have a gift for talking to girls." I say, as I feel his lips go up my neck, leaving me biting and hickeys as he passes.

"Too bad the one girl I really wanted did nothing but blow me off and tell me she hated me." She tells me, before kissing me passionately. Somehow I can still taste myself on his lips, or rather in his mouth, as we explore every nook and cranny of it with our tongues.

"Maybe he was telling you that he hated you, because all he could do was wish to fuck you in the broom closet." I answer between kisses as I hear him take off his underpants and pull down his underwear.

For the first time I realize perhaps truly the situation I am in. Our naked bodies, rubbing against each other, dancing a love dance of their own, as we struggle against each other to win.

He chuckles at my words as he moves to kiss me along my arm, while using his hand to reach over to the nightstand to grab a condom and put it on as he counters.

"And I would rather tell you that I hated you than confess that every night I dreamed of fucking you against a wall." He pauses for a moment, and smiles at me before continuing, with that obnoxious grin of his. "Although I would have said you were more of a quickie in the bathroom type."

"It happened only once, and with a Ravenclaw prick who had already done half my year, while I was half-drunk at a party, after watching you stick your tongue half a foot down the throat of a Hufflepuff slut." I confess by looking into his eyes, and I notice that amidst the pleasure now also shines a spark of astonishment. "Now get a move on, though, Black, for now you're all talk and no action." I continue, with an amused little smile.

"Merlin, if you say one more word, I swear I'll plug your mouth with your panties." He says, taking his dick in his hand, aligning it with my entrance.

"Oh you just have to try, assh- Oh my god!" I try to respond, but he blocks me by entering me overbearingly, immediately I feel my body almost leave the earthly world for pleasure. His dick is bigger than I would have expected, and certainly bigger than my ex's. Immediately he seems to touch all the places that give me the most pleasure, and my mind cannot process a concrete thought.

"I hate you Black." This is the only thing I can say as he is still still inside me, making me get used to his size. "I don't think I can do without your dick from now on, and this is all your fault." I continue as he tries to move slowly, in and out of me, as he murmurs a few dirty words under his breath.

"Oh you are adorable baby." He says before kissing my neck again as he increases the force and speed of his thrusts. "But if you really think I would let you go after this time you are crazy. I hate you too you know, I hate the fact that I am now addicted to this tight, hot, wet pussy of yours. Fuck I think I've found heaven." He gasps near my ear. We continue this dance like this, until a few minutes later, we are almost at the height of pleasure.

"Please Reg, don't stop. I'm cumming:" I plead with him, before stifling my continued moans of pleasure, leaving kisses, bites and hickeys on his neck as my hands scratch his muscular back. I feel him stiffen at my touch.

"Me too baby." He gasps, then increases the speed. A few thrusts, and we both reach orgasm.

We remain still for a moment, enjoying that feeling of pleasure and the warmth of the closeness of our bodies. We don't say a word, let silence fill the space between us, before we kiss again.

This time the kiss is different, not passionate and oozing sex like the others, it is more gentle and sweet, as if through that contact we want to express all those repressed feelings kept inside us all these years and that we cannot describe in words.

He moves from on top of me and lies on his side, while still keeping his arms around my waist. I slowly feel fatigue take possession of me as he gets out of bed to head for the bathroom and get a towel with which my private parts, now too sensitive, in fact a shiver runs down my spine and he seeing it apologizes to me.

When he is finished he lies down again beside me and hugs me, making me feel warm and safe. Just before I fall asleep I look into his eyes and manage to say something.

"You're on the right path to forgiveness, but maybe you need to try a little harder." And he can't help but laugh at those words. "I don't hate you that much anyway, I guess." I continue, as I snuggle against his chest.

"Fortunately." He replies. "Because I don't hate you at all, maybe just the opposite I dare say. "

The next morning I wake up after him. Regulus is already out of bed. He is wearing a pair of sweatpants, and he is shirtless. I can tell right away that he has just gotten out of the shower because I can see his wet hair, however, I can hear him talking to someone on the phone. Feeling my eyes on him he turns and sees that I am awake, and he smiles at me.

"Yes Sirius, I promise I didn't say anything stupid." He says with a bored look on his face as he watches me sit up in bed, my hair still tousled from sleep.

"I apologized, very deeply last night, but I may have to do it one more time to make sure you understand what I meant." She continues to talk to her brother as she gives me a wink and immediately I feel my cheeks go hot from what she said.

"Yes, yes. I love you too. Bye Siri, see you later." He greets his brother as he turns around and then sets the phone down on one of the pieces of furniture next to him, and there I realize all the marks I left on him last night. In the night we then woke up and made love a couple more times. Just thinking about it I feel my pussy getting all wet, even just remembering all that happened.

"I was going to make you breakfast before you woke up but since you are already awake I would suggest you take a shower while I make you breakfast. Is that okay with you?" He asks me, and I can't find my voice to answer him, so I smile and nod. He smiles back, leaving me a kiss on my forehead and then goes downstairs to cook.

I stay in bed for a second and letting out a sigh I realize perhaps for the first time that I hated Regulus Black so much, that I ended up falling in love with him, since the line is so thin that for a long time you can think you are hovering between the two, and only when you land do you realize that you slipped into one of the two worlds long before.

BONUS

Remus watches Sirius talk to his brother on the phone as he asks him if he finally apologized to little Potter. Once the call is over Sirius puts the phone down and looks at his boyfriend.

"They fucked." Remus says, before sipping coffee from his favorite mug.

"They got laid." Sirius confirms, laughing, while Lily, who had stayed over with her boyfriend James, sighs with relief.

"Finally, the situation was becoming unbearable. By now all you could do every time was expect them to jump at each other's throats with a knife or fuck in the guest bathroom." Lily says as she looks at James, who has a horrified look on his face.

"Hey, we're still talking about my little sister!" He says, looking at his friends and his girlfriend.

"Look at it this way, at least now we're really brothers." Try proposing Sirius.

"And probably uncles, too." Remus and Lily say in unison.

No one can hold back a laugh seeing James' horrified face.

TAGLIST (Kinktober special)

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[longlivedelusion]

Loved your wolfstar fic 🥹 could u do maybe another poly!wolfstar fic but like maybe they're not dating yet and have to share a bed? one bed troupe that like leads to them maybe getting together? ok if not!!

Hi darling anonnn! Absolutely, managed to get this written out despite my move. One bed tropes are some of my favorites to read omg 😭 Hope you enjoy!

All of the Above

Summary: You get stuck in a hotel last minute with Remus and Sirius, and the only room they had left was with a single Queen sized bed. This should be fine. You were totally in love with both of them, but it's fine. Right?

Warnings: Unrequited love (or it feels like it), anxiety. One bed trope, if that isn't your thing.

I stood in the center of the room, looking at the singular queen bed that sat pressed against the wall.

Shit.

I didn't have problems sharing a bed with friends, I'd done it plenty of times before on trips or when people would come to visit.

The only difference was... I would have to share a bed with two of my closest friends who I happened to be slightly in love with.

Since they were a couple, Remus and Sirius always ended up bunking together whenever we went anywhere, so up until this point I had actually never needed to share my sleeping space with them. Even before when we went to Hogwarts, they always ended up sharing everything anyways.

That's also why I never really acted on my feelings about the whole thing. We always knew they'd end up together, Sirius and Remus. Remus and Sirius. I was never going to be a part of that.

I was happy for them, truly. I loved them both dearly and just wanted them to be happy. So I did what any sane person would do and kept the romantic side under lock and key, and avoided anything too affectionate. I was their friend, nothing more.

But this? Sleeping in the same bed as them felt like a new kind of torture. I could deal with Remus sitting thigh to thigh with me as we talked about our latest reads or having Sirius throw his arm around me on occasion, sure fine! This? This?

There was no way.

"I'll take the floor," I said, already going to the closet to look for extra bedding.

Sirius stormed forward, arms out, "Absolutely not! I'll take the floor, there's is no way I'm letting you sleep on this horrible carpet." Sirius' foot nudged at the floor, his face crinkling in disgust.

Remus smiled, placing his hand on his boyfriend's lower back. "That's sweet Pads, but we both know you'll be complaining all night if you do. I'll take it and you two take the bed."

I shook my head, already carrying over a single extra pillow and blanket as I set them down. "Rem, you've got a hurt back. There's no way I'm letting you sleep on a hard floor. It's really fine, I don't mind. It's just for the night anyways while we wait for Lily and James."

Remus stepped up beside me, my skin tingling as he gently stilled my movements. "Well we aren't going to let you sleep on the floor." His eyes looked over the bed again, "I think it could fit us three actually. Like you said, it's just for one night, right?"

My heart was beating a mile a minute, but I had no logical reason to refuse him. I glanced at the bed, my fight leaving me as I sighed. "Fine. We all take the bed then."

"Great! I get dibs on the middle." Sirius said, throwing himself on the bed.

Remus chuckled, but I felt his eyes turn back to me with a concerned look. "You're sure it's ok? I really don't mind-"

"Yup. Totally fine. I'll just head to the bathroom first." I grabbed my stuff and rushed into the adjacent room, not really waiting for an answer.

I clicked the door shut behind me as I leaned my head back against it. My chest feeling tight as I tried and failed to slow my breathing. This is fine. Just need to stay on my side of the bed and stay very still and everything will be totally and absolutely fine.

I let out another shaky breath. As long as I focused on sleeping and not on the fact that I was going to be in the same bed as two of the most beautiful, incredible people in my life then maybe I'd get through the night.

I was slow to brush my teeth and get myself ready, hoping to stall as long as I could to calm my nerves. I changed into a t-shirt and some long shorts before taking a deep breath. It's not a big deal. It would be fine.

As soon as I stepped out, I noticed the two had already changed into their pyjamas. I froze. This was already a losing battle.

Sirius is what caught my eye first, given the fact that he was wearing long drawstring trousers and nothing else. His tattoos on full display, hair taken down from his bun from earlier. I felt my body temperature rise at the sight alone.

Remus was the more modest of the two, a simple, white t-shirt and his trousers hung low off his hips. Something about the simplicity, seeing him out of his normal jumpers and in something so... intimate, casual. My breath caught as I tried to swallow my returning nerves, my heart filling with warmth.

Longing.

Their eyes drew to me, an unreadable expression crossing over both their faces as a kind of silence filled the air. I shook off as much of the nerves as I could and awkwardly made my way over to the side of the bed.

I heard Sirius let out a cough, mumbling "bathroom" before a shut and click was heard. I struggled to keep focus on the bed in front of me, just trying to get through my nightly routine and into bed as quickly as possible.

By the time the two of them finished their things, I was already in bed, scooched to the furthest edge of the bed as possible and eyes shut. I felt the dip of the bed as Sirius got into bed, and then another weight as Remus did. I kept my eyes shut, my back away from them.

Fine. This is fine.

"Hey," I heard Sirius say from beside me. "You awake?"

I could lie. Pretend I wasn't.

"Yeah," I mumbled out.

"You've seemed off... Is... Is everything alright?" He said.

"M'fine. Really."

"You don't seem fine," Remus whispered. "Can you look at us, please?"

I took in a deep breath and turned my body around, the bed creaking as I finally faced them. I opened my eyes, but struggled to hold eye contact.

Even though it was dark, there was a little bit of light from the outside peeking through the window and illuminating their features. Sirius's eyes were wide as he looked me over, Remus mirrored him as they both locked onto me.

"Is it because your uncomfortable sleeping with us? I told you that-" Remus started.

My cheeks reddened at the phrasing, and I let out a cough. "No. Not at all."

"Are you sure? I mean if you're worried we'll invade your space or be all over you in your sleep I promise I'm the perfect gentleman and only cling onto Moony here." Sirius said, smirking.

"No." I said, my eyes glancing down. "No, you guys are perfect. Really."

"Then what is it?" Sirius pleaded quietly. "I just... I hate seeing you so uncomfortable. You don't have to explain, but just tell us what we can do to make it better."

I wrung my hands on the sheets nervously, struggling to think of what to say.

"It's just my own thing, I-." I choked out. I wrung the sheets tighter, my anxiety flooding out. "It's-"

A tattooed hand gently wrapped around my own, stilling my nervous ones. I looked up to Sirius then as my breath caught in my throat.

Sirius' eyes focused on mine, his thumb slowly tracing over the back of my hand. "Is this ok?" He asked sfotly. "Just... Didn't want you to rip the sheets." His charming smile tilting up.

"Y-yeah." I stuttered out, my face was getting redder by the second as I struggled to think of a way out of this. To hide my feelings. For some reason, it just felt more impossible by the second.

I took a shaky breath in and let it out, closing my eyes for a moment. I couldn't keep hiding it like this. Maybe if I just let it out there, told them and then we could move on. I'd get over it, maybe, finally getting rejected.

I opened my eyes, Sirius's hand still stroking mine as I took them in more confidently. Memorizing their faces for a moment, just in case.

"I have..." I started, the words catching in my throat. "I have feelings. For both of you. That's why I've been acting weird all night."

Sirius's hand stilled, both men starring at me with a stillness and wide gaze that it had me scrambling.

I pulled my hands away and sat up, "I don't expect you to feel the same! Obviously. I just think it's a small thing, a crush really, I'll totally be able to get over it. I mean I know I will because you two are some of my closest friends and I don't ever want these feelings to be more important than-"

Remus sat up too then, hands reaching for my face in a flash as he forced me to look at him. "Darling, please. Stop."

I froze, eyes wide as I took him in. His gaze was so... Loving, so filled with admiration. But also shocked.

I looked over, Sirius now sitting up as well as his hand reached out to my waist. His smile was so big so wide as he spoke. "You have feelings for us?"

"Y-yes. But what is this?" I look around, confused.

"We have feelings for you too," Remus said softly, hand tracing down to my neck. "We have for a while."

"Honestly we never thought you'd even like us like that! You never looked at us any diffently than the others, you barely touched us. So we just thought you weren't interested." Sirius said.

"Your friendship meant- means the world to us. We didn't want to jeopardize it." Remus finished.

I sat there, mouth parted in shock. The two people I never thought in a million years would return my feelings, were looking at me like they had just won a thousand galleons. All of us had been so afraid to speak our feelings, choosing our friendship first, I couldn't believe it.

I reached up to hold Remus's hand, eyes darting between the two. "So, what now?"

Sirius just held his grin, his eyes playful as he spoke. "Well I'd personally love to kiss you. Touch you. Call you my partner. But that's just me."

I blushed even harder, "And you, Remus?"

"All of the above," he said, now smiling too. He slowly leaned forward, breath grazing my skin.

"All of the above," I repeated, my lips meeting his. For the first of many, many times.

[marzipanandminutiae]

Do you know much about historical cuisine? Saw yet another anime with friends and they went the whole 'modern food always tastes better' bit. I feel tired of the trope and am wondering how different historical cuisine would taste compared to modern times. So anything you happen to know as a historian would be cool to know!

That varies MASSIVELY based on time and location. Like. Much more than fashion does, even, I'd imagine (in a given sub-region- I can talk about Mainstream European and Euro-American Fashion of the 19th CenturyTM but the food was so different in different countries that were dressing the same, if that makes sense? just as an example).

Food is often more globalized in a lot of places nowadays, so the characters might have more diversity of flavors from the regional norm than they're used to. But this could be a good or a bad thing- a woman from 17th-century Japan might love pizza and much sweeter Western pastries, or she might absolutely hate them. Which is not to say regional cuisines haven't evolved, too- a museum here in Boston used to have tastings of 18th-century-style hot chocolate, and it was very different from the modern sort. But that's the largest blanket difference across the globe that I can think of, food-wise.

Not sure what anime this was, so it could have been Japan-specific, but I feel like this gets applied the most to the 19th-mid 20th century UK and United States. The whole Captain America line about "food's better; we used to boil everything," for example, and the general belief that everything was bland mush in those areas until the 1950s and then it was incomprehensible Jell-O mold horrors until approximately the 1980s. And of course, none of that's true- there were plenty of dishes that used spices and different cooking methods, many of which are still popular today. See also: Jonathan Harker, a Normal 1890s Englishman, getting so rhapsodical about paprikahendl that he simply must have the recipe for his fiancee to make. There also WERE bland mushes and fluorescent nightmares, but there's less than ideal food today, as well.

(Note that I'm much less confident talking about the whole English StodgeTM thing as we get into the 20th century. That is outside my history wheelhouse and there's a lot of different stuff embroiled in it relating to class and such that I don't want to talk out my ass about. All I know is that I've seen plenty of recipes from as late as the end of the 19th century, from England and some from urban Scotland if I recall correctly, that made ample use of spices. Nutmeg, mustard, black pepper, rosemary, caraway, and cayenne pepper were especially popular (not all together obviously). There was a belief among the middle and upper classes that strong flavors of garlic and onion were distasteful to ladies, but the fact that cookbooks and such feel the need to mention it implies that those elements WERE being used in cooking generally, in the UK, at that time. So wherever the idea that All British Food Is Beige And Tasteless came from, it wasn't mainstream late Victorian cooking for adults as far as I can tell)

(They gave kids a fair amount of the beige and tasteless because they believed their digestive systems couldn't handle strongly-flavored- okay now I'm getting off topic. Read Ruth Goodman's "How To Be A Victorian." Anyway!)

tl;dr- The answer to "is modern food better?" is "that's literally impossible to answer as a blanket statement, since it's massively dependent on the character's original time, place, social status, and personal taste- and where they end up in the present, of course."

Now, I do agree that the trope is annoying the same way every single princess being totally shocked and appalled when her marriage is arranged gets annoying- not because it can't be true based on history and human behavior, but because fiction treats it as some kind of universal precept. Mix it up a little sometimes! Have a Regency character who comes to the present, finds out that her favorite local cheese isn't being made anymore, and loses her entire mind!

[deblklesb]

[Head Over Heels — Abby x Reader Oneshot]

[rugby player!abby, artist!reader, fluff, pining]

cw: reader is a total mess, abby is brother's friend. there's not explicit content but still MDNI.

a/n: I've put my whole simpussy in this, like... reader is a loser lesbian and this fact is totally self-inserted, sorry not sorry. again, so so sorry for the wait! this is just some fluff with reader being a simp, a mess, all over the place for abby anderson teheehee 👉🏾👈🏾, i hope you like it anon!!!

word count: 3,4k | not proof read

!reblogs are highly appreciated!

The cool winter wind was reaching your face as you pedaled to your class, high speed across campus because you were late. The alarm didn't clock, you took too much time eating breakfast, and now you wish to all the heavens the teacher has not arrived yet.

Your brother was very much confused when you started to run around the house this morning.

"I didn't know you had class, you usually wake up first so I assumed…"

"The alarm didn't clock", you yelled from the bathroom, brushing your teeth as fast as you could, but decently.

Now, the open buttons of your shirt allowed the wind to come in so you wouldn't be as sweaty. Fixing your hair after parking and locking your bicycle, you greeted someone working and headed to the room, so frustrated to get late to your favorite class.

"You're lucky our model for today is more late than you", the teacher said as soon as you got inside.

"Sorry, Ms. Addams", your smile was weak. You wanted to disappear, that was your favorite teacher.

The only tripod available was in the front, no one liked it because the lightning from there was so confusing it messed up every sketch. Lucky for you, during winter the sun isn't that bright, so you fixed your stuff and just got a moment to breathe. Being a teacher's pet didn't mean sitting in the front, that was new for you.

"Hey, what happened?" Gloria, your friend, reached out. "You're never late"

"My alarm", you shudder, sighing. "Well, I'm here now. We just have to wait for the model"

"I heard is some girl from the rugby team"

Well, that's news. Your teacher is doing some work indeed, trying to expose her students to different body shapes and all.

"Nice. Perhaps she's nice and will carry me around, my legs are burning from pedaling so hard", it was a joke, a silly one, but as soon as a woman who wasn't enrolled in that class got in, you knew she could definitely carry you around. You also knew that because you knew her.

She was probably the biggest woman you've seen in person, and absolutely the most beautiful.

Freckled, creamy skin on her arms and face, honey-blonde hair in a braid that fell on her shoulder, a firm and strong body worthy of an athlete. Her clothes were simple, just cargo pants with a plain shirt and boots, but boy, oh boy, she was looking gorgeous. As always.

"Sorry for the time, boss, I had to get out later from early practice", for some unknown reason, her voice, too, sounded too good to be true and made you melt inside with just a simple phrase that wasn't even directed to you. "Hope it doesn't mess around with the class"

"It's okay, Abigail. And you don't have to call me boss, we've talked about it", your teacher smiled fondly, hugging the tall woman and making obvious the size difference. You were probably the same height as the dark-skinned woman, so that means you were as high as Abby's chin. Being next to her on other situations made you very self-aware of that fact.

This useless information would always make you squirm. This time it was on the chair in the middle of the class, hoping for all the God's nobody noticed.

"Kids, this is Abby. She will be our model for today and two other classes, so make use of the anatomy to study properly", she was very comfortable next to the rugby player, which made you deduce they knew each other well. "Well, now go prep yourself, darling, we have to start"

"Do I… Take everything, or something?" Just the mention of her being nude made your mind buzz around and it wasn't a good sign, considering you had to focus to draw.

"Keep your underwear, please", the older woman smiled sympathetically, turning around and heading to the back of the room, her usual initial spot in every live reference class.

Abby took off her boots and left next to an empty chair, starting to undress then.

Nobody was looking at you, but you tried to keep it cool and professional. Ignoring the heat on your face and the sweat arising on your palms, you looked at Gloria to hide your embarrassment and noticed she was looking back at you trying not to laugh.

"You're very gay", she whispered, making you roll your eyes and then look at your empty sketchbook. She wasn't wrong, though, you were very much a lesbian and it was obvious.

Those type of reactions were normal whenever Abby was around, but you could definitely go through that class without it.

You put effort into abstracting the sensations and feelings that make room into you as soon as Abby stands in the small, lifted platform in the center of the room, the ambient light hitting her just right. She positioned herself in a simple form, waving briefly at you from there when she spotted you in the front. You did the same back, a small smile to be nice - but not too big to give it away that being around her made you almost piss your pants - and then you all started to work

It was a figure drawing training, something you usually hated because you had to think too much about form, proportion, perspective and lightning. You loved to do loose sketches and grew very fond of gesture drawing, too much for your liking, so that now that you had to stick to the forms and not the rhythm and movement, your mind froze a little. Despite that, you loved doing art and loved that class even though it had nothing directly linked to your major.

Abby had strong features, in the sense of focus. The muscles of the arms and legs, the shape of her face, the abdomen and her whole posture caught your attention too much. It wasn't just the imagery, but a whole set of little elements that formed a distinctive energy. Even the braided hair was part of that, and at each second, each line traced and marked shadow, you tried to remind yourself that it was a class.

After 10 minutes or so, she took a break - admittedly, you had no idea how those models stood still for so long. While she stretched and relaxed her muscles, people started to talk with each other around the room, the small buzz of conversations surrounding, as you turned to Gloria.

"I'm dying here", you whispered, stretching your hands and fingers a bit. "She's so pretty"

"I have to admit… She is very handsome. I don't usually hang out in your brother's dorm so I don't see her often…"

"They're together all the time, I am very lucky to have my face shoved into a book all the time because then I don't have to have buckled knees around her" Gloria laughed at your despair, the whispers almost a cry for help.

"Let's gather our focus, people", Ms. Addams called, and just like that the break ended.

Although the object of analysis was Abby's body and structure, you just had to make a small drawing of her face. Shading and putting too much effort, you ended up doing another one. And by the time the class ended, you had a main figure drawing of her body in the first pose, two others of her face and another simple sketch. A very productive class, and you felt yourself bursting with inspiration still.

"I have a class in five minutes, so I'll have to go now, boss!", the blonde reached to her clothes as people started to pack their stuff. You tried not to look at her figure too much, but took your time putting the material in place just because, y'know… Care. It had nothing to do with the possibility to look at her from afar a little bit more.

"That's okay, Abigail. Thank you for your help, same time next week. Send a hug to your father!", Ms. Addams waved goodbye.

"Hey" you looked up from your backpack when Gloria tapped your shoulder. She pointed to the door, where Abby was standing, ready to go. The blonde was looking at you, a smile on her face. "Tell your brother he owes me twenty bucks. See ya!"

"Okay, bye", you nodded and chuckled lightly at the comment, imagining the type of bet they both must've done this time.

As soon as the other students started to get out, your friend gave you small punches in the arm, giggling.

"Stop!", you felt your face warm, it was so fucking ridiculous to be like this around her every time. And the worst part is that she didn't even notice you that much, so you were a head over heels with zero hope.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

"What do you mean you were naked around my sister?!" You rolled your eyes with the discussion, ready for the mess your brother was about to make.

"Nobody was naked, I had underwear!" Abby's voice was playful, but you knew your brother was two steps from going serious about it.

"Stop being a drama king, asshole", you grunted while going to the kitchen, not even looking at them to escape the risk of drooling over the tall woman sitting on the couch.

"Hey, I'm the big brother here, I was supposed to be looking over you!" His voice started to get a pitch higher, you could imagine the indignant face already.

"You don't even give me rides home, too busy with your flings", you shout from the kitchen now, filling up your bottle.

You were trying so hard to focus on studying a subject you were not interested in, ready to throw it in the air to watch some Ghibli movies instead. Filling the water bottle was almost an excuse to get out of that madness, but having to hold your reactions because of Abby's presence was not ideal.

"That's right, get him again! Get him for me!" And now her voice is closer, almost like she's in the kitchen with you. It makes you flinch slightly, almost dropping the bottle before you turn around to see her strong figure on the entrance.

"Look, you touch her and I will fucking throw that rugby ball right into your face!"

"Jesus Christ, Matt, shut up! Nobody is keeping you from your shit, leave me alone?! It's just Abby!"

Your mom would be annoyed to be around you both, good thing you lived together alone.

"Yeah, Matt, it's just Abby!" She repeats.

You finally look at her properly. She has a simple shirt on and sweatpants, it's casual but it looks too good on her - as usual. Her hair is down - you loved her hair down - and a scrunchie lies on her wrist. Her freckles are so visible from where you stand, it's almost like cute details painted directly on her face to compose the most beautiful work of art.

"I would like to see it, by the way", you snap out of your trance with her words directed to you.

Her hips touch the kitchen counter when she's one step closer, a sympathetic smile making your hands tingle and her tone weaker now that she's just talking to you.

"What?"

"Your drawings. From the class"

"Oh-", you look away, trying to come up with an excuse. "But… We still have other classes to go. It's better to see it at the end and all… And they're not even that good", you're holding that water bottle for your dear life, afraid that it slips from your hands due to the sweat.

"You don't wanna show me, that's fine", she chuckle, hands up in acceptance.

"It's not that, it's just-"

"No, I'm not being funny, it's serious. If you don't wanna show me, it's okay. Was just curious y'know, after all I'm just standing there. Don't know how you do whatever you're doing"

That's the most you've ever talked to Abby, and she's so nice. Genuinely trying to make you comfortable. And it makes you fucking sick, you just wanna spit out that you would like to have her posing for you every day for ever, to have her like your muse, to kiss her face after drawing it millions of times- You're such a loser.

"Oh, I get it…" you nod, trying to come up with a good response. "Well, I guess after the classes, I mean when you stop posing for us, I could show you whatever I did. Just wanna be more confident, it takes a little bit more of time to be familiar to the subject"

"If that's your saying, boss lady, I absolutely believe it", she's smiling wider now and you just wanna scream into a pillow about how incredibly cute her cheeks are.

"Okay, ahm… I have to go back to the room… To study other stuff that is not art, unfortunately", you point to the corridor, mind going blank with the mere proximity between you both. "So, uh… See you later?"

"Hope so. Good study session", Abby gives you space to get out of the kitchen.

The rest of the afternoon you keep repeating that interaction in your mind. Analyzing you every word and wondering if she thought you were, like, embarrassing.

Still, the image of her cute cheeks when she smiled at you and the way she seemed really interested in your drawings took over your attention, it was all you could think about the rest of the day because you're such a simp and she's so beautiful. Fuck this.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

It's now game season, which means that the college campus is a mess. Everybody seems so agitated, a buzz surrounds each corner while posters adorn the walls and murals, calling for the next big rugby game.

The hype around the event kinda mobilizes you too, even though you're not even that into sports. You're actually so out of this type of entertainment, but eventually if you sit to watch with your brother you get so excited and exalted that it almost looks like you've been following the teams forever. Matt actually thinks it is so funny that you keep asking him the rules and then start to scream at the TV once you'd pick it up enough to finally enjoy the match.

"If they don't kick their asses I'll actually lose fifty bucks" Gloria reveals as you both enter the building for the art class.

"Fifty?!" Your eyes almost jump from your skull. "Do you have that much faith in our team?"

"Well, don't you?"

"I don't know", she laughs. "Really, I don't follow them… But if you bet fifty bucks, they must be at least decent"

"Your girlfriend is a good player, if that's what you wanna ask", the taller woman smiles at you with that suggestive manner.

"I didn't ask!"

"But you were thinking about it"

"Shut up." You definitely were. "And she's not my girlfriend" Unfortunately.

As you both enter the room, early enough this time, you recall the fact that it's your last class with Abby as a model. Something inside of you mourns the future absence of such a big source of inspiration for you. Your sketchbook (the personal one) has pages filled with drawings of her - you didn't tell anyone, but you went through her instagram page and used some gym photos as references.

One night you brother stormed in your room and you had to close the book as fast as possible, trying to mask your embarrassment. If he knew that you were so into Abby, he would be a hundred percent more unbearable.

"Hey, teacher", the tall woman soon walked in the class, backpack and a massive bottle of water on one hand. "Last day, uh?"

"Yes, dear", people started to settle for the beginning of the session, fixing materials and angles. "I would like to thank you for your time and disposition, I imagine it isn't easy to stand in front of a class of stranges that are meticulously looking at you", everybody chuckled. Abby took her shirt in the corner, putting the clothes on a chair. Against your will, you absolutely checked on her. But life wouldn't let you have it, and so, like being conscious of your actions, the blonde glanced back at you, which caused you to face away immediately. Jesus fucking Christ, could you be more obvious? "So thank you, again, and I hope you somehow enjoyed the experience"

"I certainly did, boss" She smirked friendly, going to the small platform in front part of the room and standing with arms on her back, legs slightly spareted. Why on earth was she so good looking? "I don't really mind the looks, after all there are dozens of people staring at the games and judging us all the time, so… Well, thank you too for inviting me, it was truly nice! Needing againg, I'm here for it!"

You felt a tap on your shoulder and looked to the side, Gloria was smirking like she knew something you didn't.

"You'll get your pages wet with all the drooling", she muttered.

"Wanna see who gets the pages wet?" You playfully put a hand on your own watter bottle, having her giggling.

"Well, let's begin, shall we?"

Einstein for sure had a point with relativity, because that class flew away like a lightning for you. The biggest pity of all, since Abby wouldn't be there after that day.

Once again you end up doing a main drawing of her body, using the remaining time to put some doodles of her face around it. It was like this for every class, different than the ones she wasn't the model. However, by that time you were already used to sketching her - hence the alone sessions in your room - so you could do much easier work now. You hoped no one noticed this fact, because a question about how you got so instinctive when drawing Abby would be blatantly dodged.

You already could tell in detail the difference between her arm muscles and the last model, for example, but not only the imagery of it: you thought about the biological singularity of her muscle development.

As soon as the class ended, you closed the sketchbook and tried not to think too deeply about the whole situation. It would be fine. Abby would stop being the model and so you would see her less, consequently thinking about her less and moving on so easily. Like, so easily.

"Hey", you froze with her voice, more specifically when noticing that it was almost next to you. Her face was the first thing you saw when looking up from your backpack. "Are you coming to the game tonight?"

"Should I?"

"Well… I could use some cheers", she was still shirtless. Heck, she was still in her intimate clothes.

You were not thinking about how she used a simple bra and nice black boxers.

"I thought you had plenty. With all the staring", why were you being so sarcastic?

"Your staring is kinda different, if that's what you wanna hear", she smirked, crossing her arms. Good lord, save me from barking in front of her with all this attitude. "And I would like you there"

"So maybe I'll go", you shrugged, trying to be cool about it. Something inside of you said that maybe you were being too cool about it, maybe she would think you don't really care; that's not what you want her to think. Shit, were you doing this wrong?

"Don't tell your brother I asked you this while almost nude, I don't think he would let me get close to you ever again", her chuckles were so cute, she was so cute. You were so done.

"Oh, do you want to get close to me again?" Abby stepped back while still smirking, everybody seemed to be out already - though you couldn't tell exactly, she was still your main focus.

"Maybe" Now she shrugged, finally getting close to her clothes again. "Preferably when he's not around"

What was that? Oh, probably your heart skipping several beats.

"Talking like that, I might as well think you're hitting on me, Abby" The most surprising thing was how you weren't laying down on a puddle at this point. Instead, you were chuckling back, hands sweaty and stomach twisting in a rush.

"Am I?" She grabbed her pants. "You'll probably have to come to the game and see!"

After another smirk from her, you just shook your head and walked away from the room with a simple "See you later then".

The interaction started to play again in your mind, Gloria was standing outside with wide eyes and a smile fighting to appear. That adrenaline rush made your mind a whirlwind.

"What the fuck was that?!" Your friend whispered, holding your arm and following your steps.

[png dividers by @cafekitsune]

[ca-suffit]

im sorry your takes are generally pretty great and i appreciate the space you make in fandom but i find the dismissal around lestat's queerness to be diminishing.

louis is a fantastic gay character and u r right about how he represents his queerness which is fabulously. he is mother he is fashion he is wife, a lot, and lestat is a lot more masc in aspects of their dynamic. louis also struggles with it, had internalized homophobia, and his relationship to his sexuality is fraught. now you can have that complexity and still be a "gay icon" sure but what i see here is a gay man existing. not every gay man existing has to be ~iconic~. louis is working on himself.

lestat is a different person and is going out there to make a mark on culture actively, regardless of why. he's not putting on a dress for five seconds (which btw was still pretty impactful in context but ok), he is being meaningfully gnc and making art. this is what queer culture is. it's frustrating to see this element diminished like it's just a meme or a bunch of people being thirsty.

im all for critiquing fandom being weirdos about it but i think the showrunners are doing something spectacular and pretending like fans are making lestat into something he is not just isn't the vibe.

reading this made me realize that I left out a sentence in this ask, so it did come off differently than I intended. I'd meant to say there's already been a lot of exploration of characters / ppl like lestat, but there's never been a character like louis before. I wasn't rly ever talking about lestat's queerness itself, I was talking about how he's prioritized bcuz he's white.

if u personally identity with him in this then that's ur right to, obviously. no group is a monolith and I was never trying to say one way is more "right" than the other. I rly do apologize if it came across like that, cuz I can see why it did.

"he's not putting on a dress for five seconds (which btw was still pretty impactful in context but ok)"

I don't rly know what u mean here bcuz within the show, nobody comments on the dress. ppl react to the baby but everything we know of the dress otherwise was only revealed by carol cutshall bts. I don't know what impact ur meaning here. to the tv audience, sure, but the NOLA audience?? or is it the fact he designed it in the first place.

tbh the thing I most noticed was that once again a white, european immigrant got to be center stage in an event that louis, as a black, louisiana native, isn't (like the card game lestat already had a place at more favored than louis earlier in S1). he also was able to wear that dress in public without public scorn (being european prbly helped here too, he's "other'd" but not the same way as louis is "other'd" for being black), which is something louis could never have done and actually survived at all. it's not that lestat doesn't experience homophobia otherwise, but he's still got a lot more room to confront it than louis, claudia, or armand would have, as ppl who would be confronting homophobia *and* racism with no access to white privilege (claudia literally dies in the same hour we see lestat confront a homophobe otherwise on his and louis' behalf and "win").

idk what they're going to explore for S3 yet, but what we've seen so far is....not that deep tbh. it's not even especially "queer." we're aware he is so we know it is, but straight men have worn makeup and flashy outfits and done homoerotic shit as musicians before too. very often. nothing we've seen from lestat so far has been pushing any boundary as a queer artist or making any kind of statement. I'm not trying to sound like a total bitch here, but a lot of what ur saying is pushing this white fandom agenda of the "importance" of so much that any white, queer character does that....just isn't. lestat's image and sound is taking a lot from other ppl in real music history who *were* doing groundbreaking things at the time, straight or not, but what he's doing is just wearing it as a costume rn. his lyrics even say "I'm an actor / in my makeup." like I said, S3 in full will bring more to the table, obviously, but for what we've seen so far....this hasn't said anything in any objective way that's "deep." u can still like it and identity with it, but idk how u'd argue that it's doing anything tbh. ur welcome to do it tho, I'm not trying to shut down the conversation here. I'm just giving my perspective. I *do* actually think this is stuff we should talk about exactly *bcuz* fandom rides so hard for it all the time. it should be explored why that is, what's the logic behind it. I rly am interested.

edit: wanted to add too that p much everyone we see in this show is queer and creative so literally why is nobody ever saying all this about louis' photography, claudia's acting and interest in fashion (or her general observations on the world thru so many diaries that are referenced in multiple ways as she's not around anymore to speak otherwise), armand's theatre work, madeleine's dressmaking. that's usually why ppl comment on lestat, bcuz he's the most noticed and praised but he's literally not the only one doing it at all.

[wonyui]

ENEMIES TO WHAT? | K.CW

PAIRINGS Kim!Chaewon x F!Reader

SUMMARY You knew the exact buttons to push when it came to getting on Chaewon's nerves. Funny enough, it seems all her attention is now on you after catching her ex in the same party the both of you were in. Just how far is she willing to go in order to piss her ex off?

GENRE WLW, one-shot, enemies to lovers, fluffish(?), romance ig, jealousy, mentions of name calling and swearing, LOTS OF SWEARING beware

"You're staring again." Your best friend Yunjin sighed in disapproval.

You've been staring at Chaewon for what seemed like an eternity. Although the two of you knew each that well to start an argument without no second thoughts, it wasn't that good enough to start a normal conversation.

Groaning and feeling like a total poser, Yunjin softly patted you on the back. "Dude, just go up to her."

It was generous of Yunjin to try and give you the courage you needed, but that wasn't exactly the reason why you couldn't try. "And what? be a total asshole by insulting her for god knows how many times I try to control it?" You took a sip of Yunjin's filled cup of alcohol, "Ugh, what's with this disgusting alcohol mix?'

Taking back her drink, Yunjin glared. "Excuse me. It might not taste the best, but it surely gets me wasted."

'Of course," you plainly thought, knowing exactly who to watch out for the whole night. "Don't drink too much it's gonna be a pain to drag your ass into the car."

"Haha, very funny. My alcohol tolerance is stronger than what I go through when I have to tolerate you." She basically slurred, sounding so out of it.

Rolling your eyes, you excused yourself to find the certain someone who would entertain you whenever you'd get on her nerves. A few steps was all it took before a pair of hands could pull you out of the crowd. "What the fuck?" You hissed, hands hurting from the strong grip that the person had on you.

"Good to see you too," Chaewon scoffed. "Anyway, listen. I need a favor."

Your eyes widened after realizing who it was. Looking down and seeing that she still had her hands on yours, you tugged it away so that damn asshole in your chest wouldn't beat too loud.

"What do you want." Chaewon ignored your recent action, finding herself to blame it on the fact that you were nothing but a weirdo. An attractive weirdo at that.

Looking back at what seemed to be another random yet pretty girl, Chaewon looked back at you and muttered out a few curse words before opening her mouth to speak. "Okay fuck look," you silently waited for her to carry on, "that's my douchebag of an ex girlfriend. She thinks I'm still into her, and I need someone to prove I'm not."

"And you want me to be that someone?" You crossed your arms, looking unimpressed, but the butterflies that built up were telling a different tale.

The same age latter nodded.

"And what do I get out of this?" She didn't look at all surprised, already figured out that you would have asked for something in return because you were an absolute jerk who insulted people for a living.

It was truly an art to see the way she frowned out of annoyance, controlling herself in order to not punch you. The way her teeth clenched made her look somewhat cute yet scary. "Jesus, you greedy fuck. What do you want?"

"I'll think about it." it was obviously a smart decision to save the best for the last. "What's your plan, by the way?"

She blinked, realizing that she didn't have a plan for this to go through and work so decently. "Sorry, what."

"Your plan..?"

"I don't have one."

"Seriously?"

"Can't you just flirt your ass through like you've been doing ever since high-school?"

It was totally uncalled for. True, but totally uncalled for. You laughed, finding her insults even more amusing and funny. "Nothing is funny, she's looking."

Judging from the way that her ex had been drilling daggers into your poor soul, it was kinda working. Taking some part of Chaewon's hair and twirling it with a flirty smile, it made it look natural as if the two of you weren't exactly new to this thing.

"What are you doing?" Chaewon looked red at the moment, slapping your hands when her ex looked away for a few seconds.

She was a stone. Hard stone, to be exact. Just how did she expect for you to flirt? Say some cringy pick-up lines that would have looked silly to her ex because the music was booming louder than everyone else's voices?

"I'm flirting," you mentally facepalmed. "Would you rather I say some useless pickup lines that would have looked as though we were having a normal conversation?"

"Yes." She immediately responded.

She was honestly inexperienced and clueless to the whole thing of making someone jealous. It was both frustrating but a sight to see, just how bad was she at this? Taking another shot of alcohol that someone left on the table, you mustered even more courage. "It wouldn't work that way. You do realize that actions speak louder than words right?"

Chaewon stared at you in distaste, knowing that you were correct in many ways. "God I seriously can't stand this."

It may have sounded too sudden, but once her ex put her focus on the both of you once again, thinking she might have been slick. You smirked and took the opportunity to pull Chaewon closer to you. Chaewon's ex gritted her teeth in annoyance, finding you to be annoying despite not knowing you that well.

"Look at that," you proudly whispered. "She's jealous."

It took a few seconds to realize that Chaewon was still too close to you. You pulled her away to see if she felt uncomfortable, seems like it was the other way.

"Gross. Are you blushing?" Chaewon smacked you on the shoulders for your attempt in teasing her, cursing you. Something about you being annoying and talkative.

Not denying nor saying yes to your sarcastic question, Chaewon looked over at her ex. Doing a double take in case her ex looked invested in what the two of you were doing. You weren't sober but sober enough to see that she was trying to look for any signs. "Double take on your ex, seriously? at this point, look at her for a whole minute." A bitter smile appeared on her face, feeling unbothered until you commented. "No shame in anything. I say she deserves to have whatever comes at her for cheating on me."

Laughing, your throat a little too dry from the unhelpful liquid that you consumed earlier. You couldn't help but find the thought of Chaewon getting cheated on a bit too funny and questionable. Fumbled, really.

"What? Something funny?" She looked offended, balling her fist due to the annoyance that filled up.

You shook your head, feeling quite honest. "Nothing, just amusing that she'd ever think of cheating on you, really."

Chaewon jerked her head, looking elsewhere but you. You couldn't but but notice that this was by far the most normal conversation the two of you could have ever had without the need to choke one another. Cursing? She's getting there.

"I find it insulting how you can state such thing when all you do is annoy me." You shook your head, wanting to prove her wrong. "Yeah, but I never said anything about hating the process of dating you, did I?"

That question had a good amount of effect on Chaewon, making her wonder if it was the alcohol talking or not. She put her hands in her own pockets, forgetting that the two of you were literally in a party filled with sweaty, drunk, and lovesick people all around you.

"She's gone." You stated, about to leave when Chaewon stopped you.

"Wait," She bit the inside of her mouth, feeling embarrassed for feeling this way. "I haven't repaid you yet idiot."

You wanted to tell her, but it was too risky. She didn't know how much of a chokehold she had on you, and you liked to simply put it that way. Chaewon's gaze stayed on you, trying to see if you had been thinking or spacing out like you'd normally do. About to say something, a cold liquid got on your white top. You cursed to yourself, annoyed by whoever made such a horrible mistake only to find Chaewon's ex looking at you with a cocky smirk.

"What the fuck is your problem?" You were in disbelief, the alcohol sticking onto your clothing.

The glint of mischief in her eyes made you wanna punch the 21 iq out of her, but since it seemed like a huge scene, everyone had been staring, waiting for your next move. Luckily, Chaewon took notice of this when she saw your balled up fist, taking your hand and rushing the two of you out of the building. Still angry from the previous 'accident', you ran your hands through your hair and scoffed. "Your ex is a fucking asshole."

"Tell me something I don't know," Chaewon rolled her eyes, trying to be slick by checking you out in the corner of her eyes. "But luckily I brought extra clothing."

You raised your eyebrows in amusement. "Extra clothing? seriously?"

"What? You don't know the icky people that could either puke or.. spill their alcohol on you." Her serious tone turning into a teasing one at the end of her sentence.

You laughed, finding her humor and jokes a bit too funny for your own liking. In just one night, the two of you were already hitting it off well. Chaewon took out her purse(that she had been carrying this whole time) and brought out a white t-shirt. "Here, not sure if this'll fit since your frame seems to be a little bigger than mine," you nodded, taking it anyway. "This is my thank you for taking the alcohol from my shitty ex." Scoffing at her horrible attempted joke, Chaewon smiled in a slick and subtle way.

Since there was no one and the walls were covering most of the spot, you took your top off, making Chaewon panic before she could close her eyes and turn away. Replacing the old clothing with the white t-shirt, you thanked the fact that you still managed to look good.

"Thank you." You mumbled, feeling embarrassed to even say it loud and clear.

Chaewon nodded, acting as if it wasn't a big deal. "So, what about me repaying you for helping me?"

"Can I take you out sometime?" You got straight to the point, this time being unable to blame it on the alcohol because you were fully sober.

"Do you want me to go home and laugh at how much of a silly idea that is?" Chaewon laughed, annoyance not evident in her tone this time. "Shouldn't it be me taking you out since I'm the one repaying you?"

You slowly nodded, cheeks pink tinted. Entering the building to join your friend as Chaewon followed behind, you turned to see what other thing she wanted. "Why are you following me.." Chaewon raised her brows. "My friend is actually there." "Don't lie, what friend?" "Don't make me take back what I said."

Before you could retaliate, a drunk Yunjin wrapped her arms around you and mumbled words that were nearly deafening. "Y/N.. where were you? I wanna go home."

"This drunk asshole.." Chaewon scratched her head in annoyance, pulling Yunjin off of you and into her very own arms. "I'll help her into the car."

You blankly stared at her, a little scared as to why she knew you both came by car. "I'm not insane. Everyone would have noticed such old jeep don't look at me like that."

Accepting her insult along with the truth, you helped her with supporting Yunjin to the car. Although the two of you struggled, Chaewon got tired and threw the younger latter, clearly not caring about whether she'd break a bone or two. "Wow, just romantic, yeah. Throw my friend into her own jeep."

"She's drunk, passed out even. I'm sure she won't notice."

"Okay, fair."

"Mhm anyway, 6 pm. I mean, don't be late, I'll send you the details since I snuck my phone number into your pocket."

You stared in confusion before the realization could hit you, snapping your fingers together, Chaewon couldn't help but mentally judge you.

"What about you?" You got into the driver's seat, looking outside of the car window in order to talk more better to Chaewon.

Chaewon titled her head and pointed at herself. "What about me?"

Too embarrassed to even ask, you made sure to pinch yourself in order to gather the needed courage. "I could give you a lift home."

"Thanks, but," Chaewon softly smiled and pointed at the building that the two of you used to be in. "I wasn't lying when I said I had a friend who also needs my help to drive home safely."

"Then why'd you help me? go help your friend holy." You basically scolded, sending chills down her spine from the sudden change of attitude.

Before she could leave so you wouldn't complain further, she looked back at you. "Oh, and Y/N?"

You looked back, loving the way the moon complimented her features. It looked as though you were spotting an angel. Giving her time to think about her reply, Chaewon opened her mouth once again to finish her sentence. "I had a reason of helping you get here, and it wasn't because of Yunjin," you stayed quiet, knowing exactly what she meant. "I'll go now. Have fun driving that idiot home. Bye, loser."

[rederiswrites]

I don't see how trump turning America into a christofacsist state is any different than the norm? like it's been like that for native and black people since it's creation like we inspired the nazis in the first place so like what the point? oh trumps gonna kill everyone who isn't a white cis male! and? that's what america's best quality since day one

Okay I'm actually going to respond to this Edgelord Supreme bullshit, because as absurd as it looks written out like this, I actually do think a lot of people are feeling some half-articulated version of this despair and cynicism. Let's kick that in the ass.

First, let's get one thing straight. History has been terrible awful bad always and forever. There have been a thousand genocides and a million wars and a billion brutal, inhuman war crimes. Back in the days of the earliest civilizations, wiping out entire cities when you defeated them was basically just how things were done for many societies. The fact that we have international laws and international bodies of justice, however obviously toothless they remain, is the result of thousands of years of extremely mixed progress.

So at this point, you pretty much have to say either that a) humans are an incurable blight and don't deserve to live, or b) that we've done amazing, beautiful things and experienced billions of moments of happiness and created art and fallen in love despite all this, so we're still worth working on. Personally, I am very strongly in camp b. I see things worth living for a hundred times a day. There's really no comparison.

Second, the USA is not uniquely bad. It is terribly damaging to people both within its borders and all over the world. It is build on genocide and slavery. Many of its foundational institutions are deeply corrupted by these things. And guess what, that's uh....pretty common. No, really. The US is currently a big fucking problem. It's our turn with the big stick, for sure. But even then, we're not alone.

So how the fuck is this encouraging? It isn't. I'm not encouraging you, I'm telling you to fucking GET GOOD, because when you say shit like the above, what I hear is "Oh I SEE, I'm a TERRIBLE PERSON I guess I should just kill myself to make your life easier." I hear someone who would rather give up and call their country morally bankrupt and irredeemable than to PUT IN SOME FUCKING WORK.

Cynicism is so comfortable. It doesn't ask anything of you. "It's always been like this," it says. "Nothing's going to change."

Except things do change, and things have changed, and your entire premise is in fact absolute dogshit. The two presidential candidates are not remotely the same, and we are not, yet, a Christofascist nation. I could, as many before me already have, enumerate the million concrete ways in which your premise is just not true, but honestly I won't bother, because it's not a premise in good faith. What I mean by that is that even a cursory examination of the actual facts would totally trash your expressed beliefs, so you're not really interested in the facts.

Change for the better can happen. Change for the better has happened. It's just not as EASY as you want it to be. There are more steps. For example, you can't have viable independent candidates until you have campaign finance and voting reform. So you have to push for those things. For years, probably decades. Many people have died without seeing the realization of things they fought for, and yet those things have come to pass. You may die fighting the good fight and not see the victory. I may too. Meanwhile, you make the choices that will hopefully get the fewest people killed.

So stop acting like we're all just too shitty to bother about, and put in some fucking work.

[natalyarose]

𝑅𝑒𝒻𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝒶𝓇𝓉… (𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓁𝑜, 𝒮𝓊𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝐵𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒾!)

~ This is a bit of a personal one lol, maybe I'm getting a little too comfy on tumblr- but hey, I like it here and I'm very grateful for everyone who's taken an interest in whatever I have to say :)

~ tagging this on Nakshatra tumblr because I feel like this reflection perfectly encapsulates Venus Nakshatras and is very aligned with the Sun moving into Bharani, the birth of Venus among the Nakshatras

// warning, cringe and angsty lmao

I have such an odd relationship with my artistic process. Unconventional? Stubborn. Sometimes just straight up bad lol.

I want to create beautiful, meaningful things, yet I have this sort of extreme resistance to being perfect or professionalism (however, somehow perfectionism and such a ruthless self-antagonism for not being 'enough' at the same time..).

It's almost like I purposely sabotage my art by intentionally leaving in mistakes, or leaving it somewhat dishevelled in protest of perfection. In hopes that the beauty and artistry still manages to shine through to the right people.

I guess it's also this thing where I feel like the imperfection makes art more unique, more exclusive- more personal & dearly held to the people who do find the beauty in it that I initially wanted to communicate. But, there is a difference between artsy, grungy, rawness and... just being crap, lazy, unrefined, undisciplined. (I'd never refer to someone else's work in this way but myself... mann).

Knowing full well that my artistic creation likely 'needs work', is not a finished product and will very likely be criticised for its' imperfection, I still have the overwhelming urge to go ahead and share it with the world/post it. In all of its' messy (again, maybe just straight up bad lol) glory. Then I wonder why I'm not gaining the traction I want haha. When I inevitably receive criticism, I get so hurt by it, I beat myself up and it eats at me to the point that I can't sleep at night, I'm up reciting the criticisms in my head and weaving them into my very own nightmare!

I don't understand why I do this to myself lmao. Later on after posting & putting myself out there, I hear that imperfection in the song, I hear those vocal parts I stubbornly left in and didn't want to redo, I see the dodgy brush strokes I refused to fix up in the name of authenticity, and I cringe. In fact, I feel such a deep shame for it all that I take everything down out of embarrassment. Even though it was fully my decision to put up something amateur sounding and imperfect.

Maybe it's something like the weight of desire for perfection is too much, so I just go 'to hell with it!'.

It's like an endless cycle for me, and I realise that over the years, if I'd just left things up online and was more patient with myself, I'd probably have cultivated a following of some sort by now, or maybe used peoples' criticisms to improve the art to a greater extent. I mean, there are people who have mentioned to me when they notice the art is imperfect and needs work, but there are just as many lovely people who have gone totally out of their way to express deep appreciation for the music/art I've put out and enjoyed it.

Here's my 'theory' as to why I do this to myself: when I create art, I don't just want to make pretty things, though I want that too. I want to be loved, and FELT. I want to bring people to this raw, vulnerable place in my heart where my ideas emerge from. I want to be loved not in spite of the imperfections, but alongside them, all encompassing.

I don't want to have to be perfect, have $1000 worth of equipment, hours and hours of recording time trying to 'get it right' in order to be understood and deemed beautiful. I don't want to show off how perfect or skilled I am either, I want to make people feel something. I want it natural.

r a w.

I kinda enjoy for art to be unfinished and slightly unpalatable on purpose.

Maybe it's a bit of entitlement on my part, expecting that even if I do a mediocre job, people will still enjoy it and see my 'talents'/message.

Truth be told though, that's how I love other people, how I enjoy others' art as well, it's not just something with me.

When I listen to artists I love, I adore seeing something beautiful, yet somehow messy and jarring. A sort of underground-esque, 'wild feminine' creation. It evokes that much more feeling and passion that something designed to be perfect just lacks to me.

I can't get into a lot of bands that are considered 'objectively good' by many people because they just sound too perfect to me- There's a lot of times I come across artists that sound technically good, very clean but my heart just can't get into it. I find myself listening and thinking 'I wish this was recorded on a toaster', or 'I wish there was a more rough sound to the vocals' lol, I crave the rawness & intimacy that imperfection and roughness lends.

Ugh, it all creates such an internal conflict- like I want my art to be seen, to be loved yet I somewhat reject things it takes for the art to be considered objectively good & well rounded.

The harsh reality might just be that just because I see the beauty in imperfection, just because I know I've got this personal, very niche vision of what 'good' sounds like/looks like in my mind, that doesn't mean other people are going to find value in the same things.

Of course, maybe all of this is just pretentious excuses & my own self-hatred manifested (I don't actively hate myself, I try to be much kinder to myself these days but yknow)

Anyway, I realised that it's the start of Bharani season in galactic centre mid-mula Ayanamsa today & I think this write up really aligns with that.

Thankyou for reading lol.. again, a bit of an angsty personal thing but maybe it could be relevant to someone, if y'all wanna know what Venusian artistic angst looks like in real time lmao 🖤🥀

[sapphire-weapon]

Not that anon but I want ur metaltango explanation 👀

ok well

I'm pretty high, so gomen if this is incoherent.

basically, we know exactly three things about Krauser's past:

he trained Leon

he loved his men but couldn't protect them, and then couldn't even die alongside them, and he feels incredible guilt over that

Leon says that he had a code of honor that he kept to, and the game outright says that he used to be a good guy

none of that

literally NONE OF IT

even hints that Krauser was an abuser. in fact, it paints a total opposite picture.

Krauser is a dark omen of what Leon could become under the right conditions, because he was also someone who believed wholeheartedly in the institutions that were supposed to support him, in the rule of authority and law, and in the chain of command -- all things that Leon believed in in RE2.

and just like Leon in RE2, he had all of that ripped out from under him in the harshest way possible.

but unlike Leon, Krauser didn't have a Sherry Birkin to protect. he was left completely and utterly alone. abandoned. and born from that trauma was a desperation to never have that happen to him again, which is why he goes out seeking power to protect himself with.

if Leon had had everything stripped away from him the way that Krauser had, who's to say that he wouldn't have become a villain himself? he certainly had justification for it, after all that'd happened to him.

and the game harps on this a few different times. Krauser says to Leon that they're two sides of the same coin. he also has a line: "I know your every move. you learned them from me." the implication here is that Leon is still walking down that path. he's not out of those woods yet. if he doesn't save Ashley... then what?

so go back and rewind now.

rewind to Leon being fresh out of RE2 and all of the horrible shit that happened to him and being placed under command of this man who's at least ten years his senior but still believes in all of the things that betrayed Leon in Raccoon City. that was probably a pretty powerful revelation for him, and -- knowing what we know about Leon -- it was something that he would've wanted to emulate. Krauser was a strong man who took no bullshit from anyone, but he still had things that he believed in. that's exactly the kind of person that Leon would want to be.

and like. Krauser couldn't have trained Leon with the efficacy that he did if Leon didn't trust him completely. like yeah, Leon ran missions with his unit, but their trainings were one-on-one affairs. if Leon didn't trust him, he wouldn't have been able to learn shit from him. and since Leon went into this relationship not being able to trust himself, even, after RE2, to be able to trust someone else to that extent is a Big Fucking Deal, actually.

like.

Leon doesn't want to fight Krauser in RE4make. and he certainly doesn't want to kill him. even after Krauser kills Luis, Leon's still trying to talk it out with him. because he loves this man. Krauser believed in him when he didn't even believe in himself, and Krauser's teachings are what kept him going this long.

and on the flipside of things, Krauser looked at Leon and saw nigh-limitless potential stuck inside of a man who was too broken to see it. the one thing that held Leon back was his own distrust of himself, and so it became Krauser's goal to build that confidence in him back up in order to unlock that potential. and to be a part of something like that -- to have that kind of effect on another human being's life -- that's some really powerful shit, too.

but then Operation Javier happens. and Leon lives, when all of Krauser's other men die. how do you cope with something like that? unfortunately, Krauser didn't.

so metaltango is like... at least for me...

it's a mentor/student relationship that's far more personal than that. Leon looks up to Krauser, sure, and Krauser has a vested interest in helping Leon become the best version of himself that he can, but... it's more than that. both of them saw pieces of themselves in each other. both of them drew hope from one another. but then that hope in both of them died, leaving them with nowhere else to go but spiraling towards certain destruction. the story between Leon and Krauser is a tragedy, but that tragedy wasn't born from abuse. it was born from the trust and hope and love that was lost between them.

my brain is melting

i hope any of this is making sense

[ageless-aislynn]

Aislynn's Absolute Screaming, Crying, Flailing Thinky Thoughts About Halo s2ep8

Under the cut since its the finale and I don't want to be That Person who spoils a finale for anybody if I can help it 💖

First thing: KAI, my baby, noooooooooo

Okay, do I love the Halo games? So much. So, so much. Did I know what actually adapting them would mean would happen in the live action show, especially since s2 clearly wanted to pull closer to the games? Yep.

Did I want to see characters I've come to love, appreciate or love to hate get infected by the Flood? HECK NO.

However, the fact that the Flood spores were much smaller than their game counterparts (Evil Cabbages with feet were my initial thought of them when I met them in Combat Evolved the first time 😂🤷‍♀️😉) was a definite win, IMO. Obviously they couldn't be germ-sized in game and you be able to shoot them. But just the visual of them being smaller and much more virus/germ-sized made them a bazillion times scarier because they felt more real in that way to me.

Why do I watch so many zombie things? Zombies FREAK ME OUT SO BAAAAAD, MAN. And the body horror, dude. Ohhhhh, I can't with the body horror and people getting mutated and... UGH. Yet I've made, like, half a dozen Alien/Prometheus vids. I AM A CONUNDRUM, what can I say? 🤷‍♀️😂

Now, ever since Vannak died, I've been trying to figure out how we can, you know, bring him back to the show. I still don't know how it could actually be done but one thing I do know is that KAI COULD TOTALLY BE FOUND INJURED BUT ALIVE. Her Mjolnir can protect her from deep space, so it could have totally protected her against a big KABOOM, too. Her body is intact, she wasn't vaporized or whatever, so that's my story and I'm sticking to it. *nodnods very seriously*

I think I'm going to have to either invent time travel or cloning to save Vannak, though. Give me a minute. 🤔😉

If we do get another season (or 2 or 5 😉), I'm wondering if they're really serious about Silver Team being gone, if we're going to get Blue Team, then? Mannnnn, I don't want Silver to be gone, though. I've fallen so in love with Kai, Riz and Vannak now, too!

I'm kinda glad that not-Thel!Arbiter wasn't Thel because that was a good ending to his storyline, with Chief's "I know what he said" and finishing him off. Obs, though, I don't want Thel to have met the same fate.

Makee's line about being a demon, too? That was a good one, yep. Still annoyed that John's first question to her last ep wasn't "Um, hi, nice to see you and how is it that you're alive?" That being unanswered was just one of those clearly "because we changed showrunners," things.

John and Cortana (now in his suit), together again, YESSSSS!!!

Hello, Guilty Spark! If this is Gravemind they're talking about, they NEED Dee Bradley Baker for the voice. Just, no question, don't even think of casting anybody else.

John doing that badass "fight through the smoke and haze to save the day" made my fangirl heart go pitter-pat, what can I say? I'm easy to please, lol!

In summary, I did love s2 in a different way than I loved s1 and I hope we'll get news of a renewal ASAP!

Also, Kai's fine, she's just having a little nap, no worries!

[actuallyadhd]

As someone with adhd who is struggling and still recovering from a major burn/total collapse. How does one deal with failure when you know that this failure was still a massive improvement like I probably failed two of my classes but also the fact that I made it to class 80% of the time and only 20% of my dishes were left dirty long enough to turn into a science experiment as a win but that doesn’t matter to the rest of the world. I feel both like I’m improving and getting a better grip on things and also like an absolute failure who can and should be doing so much better. I don’t ant to improve I want to succeed but I’m stuck and don’t know how to like I’m drowning and don’t know how to ask for help because it feels like I shouldn’t.

Sent December 7, 2023

Okay, first of all, HOORAY FOR MAKING IT TO CLASS AND KEEPING YOUR DISHES CLEAN! Regardless of anything else, those are two huge achievements. I don't care what the rest of the world thinks, I care that you did something that huge for you.

I also completely understand feeling stuck, feeling like you're drowning, feeling like a failure, not feeling able to ask for help. I'm not great at dealing with it yet, but I can at least tell you what's been helping me a little bit.

Redefining "success". Society has all these expectations about what constitutes success and how people should achieve it. I do my best to dump that stuff when it comes up, because it's just not applicable to me. (This is not easy.)

Doing "the next right thing". Sometimes the only thing you can do is the thing that makes sense in the moment. That has to be okay. So when you're feeling stuck, think about the one thing you can do right then to help you get where you want to be.

Reaching out for help, or at least for advice. This is not easy, but if you can find somewhere to go for support (like here!) it will be really good. I recently posted about some personal stuff in a Discord server and found out that some of the others there have the same problems. I also posted about some different personal stuff on Reddit and have gotten some great suggestions for how to deal with them. Both places have offered support in different ways, and that's what I need sometimes.

Here are a few tips about redefining success.

Think about what you really want to achieve. Just you.

Think about what you actually need in order to do that. For example, if you want to be a published author, do you need a degree in creative writing? If not, what do you actually need?

Think about how you can get what you need and achieve your goal.

Success doesn't have to mean "perfect" any more than it has to mean "rich". When I was working in Early Intervention, we considered a skill mastered when the student was able to do it correctly 80% of the time. It sounds to me like you did that this year, even if it didn't result in passing grades.

When you don't get that 80%, look at where things broke down so you can try and keep that from happening next time. For example, did you struggle with completing assignments on time? Maybe you need to get extensions on the due date. Maybe you need to break an assignment down into smaller steps and give each step a deadline so you can get it done and turned in on time. I obviously don't know, but if you need help figuring that stuff out we can help if you give more details.

Followers, do you have any words of celebration or encouragement (or both!)? Please share!

-J

[yumeka36]

After hearing all the hype, I finally decided to watch Frieren. I was 99% sure I would like it based on what people were praising about it. And now that I've watched all (currently) 28 episodes...yeah, it's really good.

I knew it was gonna be a slow-paced series that's mostly driven by the characters and world-building as opposed to an ongoing, impending plot...and I'm totally okay with that. While I do enjoy series with a lot of flashy action and emotional angst, I also like when series don't pander to this typical way of being entertaining. Cool fights and suspenseful plots will always be popular, especially for anime/manga, so I greatly respect a series that dares to be different and still delivers. While the characters in Frieren do have an ongoing goal, it's not the main focus of the series: the focus is on their interactions with the world and each other. This is especially unusual for a series that takes place in a D&D fantasy world with monsters, demons, and magic. Such a world is full of potential for fast-paced fights and angst-ridden action, but Frieren does it differently. The handful of battle scenes in the series so far are handled very "matter of fact" - they're not given any more fanfare than other things that happen. Anyone who's watched a decent amount of shonen anime is probably used to all the intense violence and raw emotions that pour out during fight scenes, so seeing how relatively calmly the characters in Frieren handle similar situations may not be for everyone. It even took me a while to get used to how the more suspenseful action scenes in Frieren are handled compared to most other anime.

One of my favorite things in anime, or any medium really, is having characters with appealing but also unique relationships - relationships that can't really be defined by "typical romance," "typical friendship," etc, but something special and unique that I want to see develop as the series goes on. This is a big reason why I like Spy x Family so much, and why I like Frieren as well. The relationship between Frieren and Fern is something like this: On the surface they have a "master/student" relationship, but there are so many more layers to it, like Fern often being exasperated by Frieren's obsession with new spells or the fact that her interpretation of time is so different from that of humans', that sometimes Fern acts like the more "mature" one of the group. But at the same time, despite her elegant air, she has a childish side to her in how she pouts and sulks whenever she's upset with Frieren and Stark, plus her no-nonsense personality that often clashes with Frieren's easy going approach to things. But despite this, we still observe the intimacy between them and how comfortable they've gotten with each other over the years. Then there's Fern's relationship with Stark, that I find incredibly adorable mostly because, again, of how nuanced it is. They're not constantly emoting or yelling at each other, yet you can tell there's something going on between them based on more subtle things, like Fern giving Stark a hard time compared to how she relates to everyone else, and Stark being sensitive to her mood changes.

Another interesting thing about the series is how long the timeline is. Over 100 years have passed for the characters, Frieren in particular of course, since episode 1 to episode 28, yet nothing seems rushed. The series focuses on the bits of their lives that matter through flashbacks here and there, and that makes the series' world more engrossing when you have an idea of all the events that transpired over such a long time. Characters who aren't even alive/present during most of the story, particularly Himmel and his group, can have so much influence in the narrative. All the scenes where Frieren is reminded of things Himmel says and does make so much sense, not just because he was such an important person to her, but because someone who's lived for as long as she has is bound to have these deja vu moments where she had experienced a similar situation before.

The latter part of the series involving the mage exam made me a bit apprehensive, since I don't like when series introduce a bunch of characters at once in a competition with the protagonists. When there's so many new characters that need to play a role in the current plot, they probably won't be well written. But honestly, by the end of the series, I thought they were all interesting characters. This is mostly due to, again, the series giving ample time showing how each of them thinks and strategizes, how they work together with others, what their motivations are, etc, rather than just showing off their powers. Even a character like Serie who's shown to be an antagonist was still interesting as I could at least understand her motives and beliefs.

There's more I can say about Frieren but I'll stop there. Overall, an excellent series and one of the best I've seen in recent years. Looking forward to more anime, and I may even check out the manga!

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm trans nonbinary and I really kind of hate myself for it and feel like such a fucking freak and I don't even know why because I didn't even grow up around a lot of homophobia or anything. I let everyone assume I'm a (trans) man because in my head if someone found out I was nonbinary they would just think I'm so fucking wierd, even when I'm in spaces or with people I know for a fact wouldn't actually think any of that. I don't feel this way about anyone else, just me. I'm really sorry if this is too much of a vent kind of thing I totally get you deleting it or whatever, but any advice you have would be really great.

I want to preface this by emphatically saying: Nobody here (least of all myself!) are judging you. I am sure many trans people who are following this blog know how you feel intimately. It's a consequence of the world we live in, not an intrinsic failure of character. I want to make this clear because you were incredibly vulnerable and I don't want you to worry that your vulnerability is a bad thing. It takes a lot to open up like this, no matter if you're on anon or not.

I've talked about this before, but this is a process that takes... a long time to work through, if I'm honest. I've been out since I was a young teenager, and now as an adult I still fall into the trappings of feeling similarly to you. What helped for me is to generally avoid judging myself for when I do feel like this. I think trying to outright ignore how you feel is very inefficient - I have tended to be a person who needs to feel those awful feelings so that I can look back and notice exactly what went wrong. I wouldn't specifically recommend that you do this - I have had many years of combating internalized transphobia to feel this is effective for myself. But, regardless of where you are in your journey of internal acceptance, I will advise this: don't judge yourself for these feelings. It is easy to do, but you don't deserve to have even more feelings of shame, isolation, or overall feelings of hopelessness or helplessness.

Often, we won't know exactly "why" we feel these feelings of internalized transphobia. For me, I also didn't grow up with outright homophobia, but I did grow up with the idea that I would only be loved if I was cishet, so when I discovered I was neither, it was jarring. I thought I would never be loved. And years later, I became open to the idea that I might have been wrong because there were people along the way - friends, certain family, strangers, even - who showed the love I felt I surrendered when I realized who and what I was.

It has helped me to expose myself to other trans people, as well. It's a delicate balance, at times, because there are moments where I find myself growing envious of another trans person for the way I perceive their own transition. It's a natural response, I guess, a natural human response that is amplified when you are part of a group that is often maligned. But I have found that the pros outweigh the cons: I see trans people of all identities now, trans people who look like me, who have incredibly similar experiences, who taught me so much about what it actually means to love and be loved. It's funny, because I'm largely a trans man (with caveats), yet some of the people who have deeply impacted me forever weren't always the same as I am (in fact, one of the first true "I look up to this person" experiences was from a trans woman who I still to this day admire and look up to).

I'm not going to lie, this (how you're feeling) is an incredibly common, but sometimes devastating result of so many factors. While we all go about these feelings in different ways, it can be hard. Therefore, it's important that we support each other. I want to offer my support to you, and let you know that you aren't going to be looked at by others in the way you might fear. It's hard to even conceptualize, honestly, but I am being honest. I understand that some of what I might have said won't resonate with you now, or ever, and that's okay. When we have a community to talk about ideas as a way of support, we can start to have more resources that we might be able to utilize effectively.

Your vulnerability right now isn't going unnoticed. It took a lot to express this, and I hope you might read this and feel even slightly better. I wish nothing but good things for you, nothing but bountiful joy and understanding that you deserve so much from this world.

[eashgirl]

What are some things you hate about fandoms? Just wondering

There is quite a lot of things actually, I know some may disagree with me on these, which is perfectly fine to each their own.

1- I don't like how when some of the widely accepted fanon headcanons are treated as truth by everyone even though there is no basis for it in canon, I'm totally one for headcanons, I love seeing ideas,and creating them myself but I don't like how when one headcanon is so beloved by everyone that it's treated as canon and anybody else who has different opinions are shut down for not accepting that. Again I'm not objected to people having their own interpretations, but sometimes it really does get to a point when I try to point out it's not canon several people would attempt to correct me and say it was.

2- this part mainly concerns shipping, another thing I don't like about certain fandoms is they can't seem to accept that people will like different things as them, just because a certain ship is canon will not automatically make people like that ship more or stop them from shipping those said charecters with another person. Canon is canon I understand that, it's important to respect the creator's work and what has been established but at the same time the amount of times I've seen people deliberately writing hate comments under a post of a ship they don't like, and even create anti- blogs for the ship is insane.

Is it that hard to respect someone's opinion? Even I have certain ships I don't like and am even grossed out by(we are not talking about child/adult ships those are a whole another thing entirely),but the amount of dedication haters have to constantly put down others just to feel superior everytime I see something like that all I think about is how immature that is.

One time when I was thirteen I legit had one of my followers stalk me on instagram and screenshot a photo of a ship account I follow, that person hates that particular ship yet constantly checks accounts posting that particular ship just to write hate comments,they were blabbing about "ship loyalty and all that" I remember feeling so aggravated when they told me that, I instantly blocked them. It's that sort of childishness I'm talking about.

I'm open to discussing about opinions as long as it's a civil conversation, sometimes people just like different things, is it too much to expect some decency and respect?

3- Another thing that annoys me from time to time is the villainization of a particular charecter, evidence from the media does show that, that person has their flaws, major flaws and people act like that person is a devil's incarnate and anyone who has the audacity to feel a shred of sympathy for them is automatically labelled a horrible person.

Now I'm not suggesting at any means that trauma justifies your actions, no one has the right to harm anyone under that excuse,you can acknowledge the fact they are a horrible person and still feel bad for them because they are caught in a never ending cycle of abuse and are unable to escape it, this leads to them committing even worse actions.

Something else that ties into this is liking villains in general, it's important to understand that liking a certain charecter does not mean justifying their wrongdoings, you can like a charecter but still agree that yes this is a horrible person. This might seem like common sense but I have seen people trying to outright justify murder, SA, terrorism just because they happen to like that charecter. On the other hand there are certain villains who are objectively just as bad and are baby-fied because they happen to be more likable, when that person is just as bad.

Of course some topics may just feel too personal for people who have experienced it first hand I can understand that really I do, someone who went through a toxic relationship would probably not enjoy a relationship dynamic between two charecters that can be considered to very unhealthy for eachother. And some people may not prefer an otherwise sweet relationship if it's not enjoyable, we use media for entertainment and as humans we all have different preferences so it's important to understand and respect that

At the end of the day I'm not trying to villify anyone, I'm really not

Thanks for the ask anon! Hopefully this doesn't lead to me getting attacked again 😅