#but these sentiments have existed for a long time but now people have no problem saying them to your face

[awkward-teabag]

So tired of everything being derailed by racists.

Want to talk about jobs? Blame immigrants.

Want to talk about the state of housing? Blame immigrants.

Want to talk about post-secondary education? Blame immigrants.

Want to talk about healthcare? Blame immigrants.

Want to talk about the state of the economy in general? Blame immigrants.

And it's never about the systems in place that lead to immigration or the how companies exploit young workers from elsewhere in the world (by taking advantage of their inexperience, their lack of support network, taking their money, and so on), it's all about how those dastardly non-whites are trying to screw honest Canadians out of everything by taking advantage of us, and they're personally going after you.

You can be talking about something and even be open to talking about the complex issue that is immigration but it immediately gets taken over by THEY TOOK OUR JERBS! assholes.

It's at the point where as soon as immigrants/immigration comes up, I peace out unless I know the person and can expect them to have a point beyond bigotry and fascism.

Because it's never about our systems, decade(s) of neglect, neoliberalism or conservatism, or anything like that, it's about how selfish, rich, and anti-white brown kids are and things would be perfectly fine if not for them.

[waywardsou2]

Drunk!Logan X Drunk!MaleReader Part 4

I really think I should change the title since they haven't been drunk for the last 5 parts but oh well it's stuck now

Summary: You and Logan have been able to move past all that has happened, and slowly you two are becoming closer. Maybe the quicker than the two of you believe at first

Word Count: 2.9k+

Tags: fluff, friendly fighting, almost a confession

After your late night meeting you and Logan attempted to be civil. The unease between the two of you had disappeared but you still felt unsure about where you stood with him.

He was compassionate but he was like that with everyone at the mansion. His anger and standoffish attitude was a stark contrast to his compassionate moments. Logan wasn't an asshole, but he wasn't the easiest guy to get along with. These two personality traits of his clashed but someone how balanced him at the same time.

The two of you nodded at each other as you passed in the halls. You sometimes visited him between classes but not often. You were making an effort to try and get yourself out there but it was all new to you. And you still didn't want to get in anybody's way or cause any problems. The habit of acting like you didn't exist for other people convenience was a hard one to break. But Logan's words had really hit where it mattered and you were trying to take it on board.

What he said about everyone having at least one person to stick by was something you thought about often. And you guessed that you chose Logan. It wasn't unexpected perse but more of a risk. Because you didn't know if he would choose you back. In your head it was like an unrequited friendship...but he had approached you first. So maybe it wasn't unrequited? You didn't know. And it hurt your head to think about it too much.

Logan was glad to see you around more often. Not ignoring him anymore. He didn't know why it bothered him so much but it just did. And he was glad that you didn't seem so sullen around the halls. You were by no means happy go lucky or bubbly...not at all. But he did notice a change. You held your head a little higher. You went out of your way to say hello to the kids that passed by you. Even bringing coffee to Storm and Scott during their lessons.

You brought him a "coffee" once as well at the break between his last lessons of the day. The coffee was in fact whiskey disguised in a coffee mug and he was quite surprised when you handed it to him with a finger pressed silently to your lips. You didn't bother to stick around. But he understood the sentiment behind the gesture. The change was evident in and of itself. He wasn't going to push you. He knew how hard you were trying already.

One night, a sleepless night like usual, you were out in the garden again. This time wandering around by the orchard towards the back of the school. The trees weren't in bloom yet but their leaves were green and full of life so you knew it wouldn't take long. You were tired, you felt exhausted but your brain was wired which made your body buzz. How those two things worked you didn't know, they just did. Maybe it was because the fatigue had set in really badly and your body was overcompensating with adrenaline. Probably not a good sign but like every other night you ignored it.

From behind you you heard a twig snapping and you turned to see Logan walking towards you in the moonlight. You hoped he would come see you again at night but he hadn't since that evening.

Logan looked at you as he walked with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. He watched as you turned to look at him. You arms resting on the fence dividing the properties.

"Hey" you called softly

"Can't sleep?" He asks in response

"Yup, thinking about too much I guess. Too...pent up" you say sighing

"About what?"

You tapped your nose "That's for me to know" you say cheekily but it's half hearted, 'and you to find out' you finish the phrase in your head. You didn't like it when he pried. But a small part of you wished he did. So you would have an excuse to tell somebody about what was on your mind. But considering the first time he'd done that it ended in disaster, he didn't ask.

He let out a small laugh, the type that only goes out your nose in one puff of breath.

Logan joins you on the fence. The two of you stand in silence together as the wind makes the trees rustle and your hair being pushed to the one side, your fringe being pushed off your head.

Logan's cowlicks remained umoved as the wind continued to blow.

You watched him as his eyes flowed over the branches of trees in front of you. He was rushing the view before him.

His brown eyes were beautiful in the moonlight, lighter than normal in contrast to the blue light that the moon gave off. In the sunlight they were like whiskey but in the moonlight they were like tigers eye jemstones. Deep and rich with hints of gold, only revealing itself in certain lights.

They were breath taking. All of his feature were. His curly brown hair, his mutton chops that dulled the sharpness of his jaw but framed his face. Their was a tiredness to his face that outweighed the boyish charm his face still held. You didn't know much about Logan's past. But you could tell that he had been through enough to age him years more than he was.

Logan turned his head and caught you staring.

"The view is in front of us, bub"

You blink and look away, staring far into the distance instead. You sigh and cursed yourself self for getting distracted. What was wrong with you?

Suddenly Logan nudge you in the side with his elbow "C'mon, let's spar for a bit"

"Now? Won't that wake everyone?"

"Not in the danger room it won't"

He smirks at you and pushes away from the fence walking back towards the mansion. After a moment's hesitation you follow him

The two of you walk through the manor, passing no one on your way, taking the elevator down to the war room and down the hall to the Danger room. The flashy X door turns and opens and the two of you step inside. Logan fiddles with the computer for a moment until the room transforms into a forest landscape. The trees are corporal to the touch. It was incredible.

You would have to ask Hank someday how he did it.

Logan walks away from the computer as it disguises itself in the landscape it created. He turns to face you and pulls off his jacket discarding it by a tree which he marks with a single claw scratch.

You roll your neck trying to get the kinks out of it, knowing your head will have to be on a swivel with Logan.

He purposefully picked a landscape that he would be more accustomed to. You’d lived in the city all your life, even when you were shunned you stayed in the slums on the streets. Skulking in back alleys. You knew the concrete jungle. Not the real one

Logan cracks his knuckles flexing his fingers as he protracts his claws.

You watch as the skin in between his knuckles splits open, you think about how painful that must be for him. You cringe internally.

"You ready bub?"

"Yeah, bub. Just don't go easy on me. I'm not as fragile as you might think"

He smirks and gets down low. You roll up the sleeves of your flannel and bring your arms up into a defensive position.

He makes the first move. Running at you full speed, you counter by sliding between his legs, he attempts to stab you as you go down but misses. You jump up and give him a light kick in the back.

He turns to you and growls though the smirk hasn't left his lips.

He lunges for you again this time making a fake right and then spinning left to slash at you. You doge out of the way of his attack but he nick's your arm. The not too deep gashes appear and disappear on your arm.

"Is that all you got?" You goad him, an almost flirtatious tone to your voice.

Both of you were becoming hot and bothered as you fought. The sweat dripped off his face as it soaked through his tank top, sticking it to his chest. You had pulled off your flannel at some point and discarded it by the same tree Logan had his leather.

You continue to leap for him, repaying his onslaught with your arms up for defence and your legs out to attack.

Logan is clearly in his element as he evades your futile attempts at attacks. You hadn't been able to land a worthwhile blow yet but he hadn't knocked you down either.

Logan was dodging behind trees, swinging from low branches and kicking off the trunks to give him a height-advanced attack. He's fast and it takes all your concentration to turn and counter his attacks.

At one point he disappears from sight and you look around frantically. Panting hard from the half hour you are sure has passed by.

You turn looking this way and that but in the split second you face your back to him Logan leaps at you and knocks you to the ground. The force of his body weight slamming into yours sent you to the leaf strewn ground with a hard thud.

He stood over you as you tried to jump up. Holding a set of claws to your face

You keep your hands up, breathing hard as he breathed equally as hard over you. The two of you stay there for a while. Logan isn't continuing the fight but you aren't ready to give up.

Logan was right a fight was a good idea but now you were pent up in other ways. Every time Logan had pushed you around or you had countered his attacks the touches sent shivers down your spine amongst the warmth that flooded your body from the exercise.

You were enjoying Logan's company but maybe more than just as a good sparring partner. You had to admit that Logan was pretty easy on the eyes. And not too bad looking disheveled from the exercise either.

More than once you had caught yourself looking at his toned arms and tight chest. And not just because he happened to be attacking you with full force.

But Logan had been noticing the same things about you. Each time you managed to land a punch. Even if it was weak he felt pride and even some joy in the fact that he could finally spar with someone he didn't have to hold back with.

Your hair was darker than usual and flat to your head. Your body was almost as tonned as his and he started to understand why he got so many looks whenever he wore something semi tight.

You were quite handsomely built. Not that he let that distract him.

Ok maybe it did a little bit. He wondered what you would look like with your shirt off. He hoped that maybe if he ran you around enough you would over heat and take it off.

His heart had skipped a beat when you took your flannel off to inadvertently show your arms off.

As he stood over you he panted watching the way your eyes flicked over his body. He was waiting for you to concede. Not making you give up but giving you the option.

You took the third option. You grabbed the arm pointed at you and pulled with all your might. You brought your foot up and pushed into his stomach. Using the momentum to lift him up and over your head and onto his back. You scrambled onto him to hold him down.

You might just win this fight.

You allow all your body weight to push him into the fake earthen ground. Holding his hands by his head so he couldn't scratch you and keeping your legs squeezed against his waist so he couldn't move his hips too much. You didn't want him pulling a move on you.

It was your turn to look down at him now.

And damn did he look good in this position

Logan was inclined to agree. He swallowed hard as he looked up into your face. Now that he was closer he could see the light stubble that was growing across your jaw. The specks of hair on your cheeks and above your upper lip.

It gave you that edge to your look and he found it quite attractive.

You watched as his eyes twitched as he looked at your face. Moving his eyes only as far as they needed to go to scan your face.

"Do I win?" You ask cockily a smirk being pulled into your face

The two of you pant roughly and it takes him a minute to respond.

"Dunno, are you finished bub? Or do you wanna go a round two?"

This conversation was beginning to sound less like sparring and more like something else.

The adrenaline from this fight was melting away any lack of confidence you had. Replacing it with stoic triumph and gall.

"I bet you'd like that wouldn't you. Be able to top me for real if I was tired out from another round"

The words left your mouth but as you said them you heard them echo in your head and you felt a warmth creep up your neck that had nothing to do with the sparing.

This was getting out of hand and you were starting to question your choices. You let go of Logan and stood up. Stepping away from him.

He has the same slight scowl in his face as he always does but you thought you saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes.

Logan was indeed disappointed. Not only in the space you had created between the two of you but how your bravado from before suddenly withered away like a flower doused with poison.

He watched as you turned away and walked to pick up your flannel and he followed. He wasn't going to let you walk off on him this time. Especially when something was going on now.

He had seen that glint in your eyes even if it was brief. Something was happening here and he was going to confront you about it.

He realised now why you allured him so much, why he was desperate to keep track of you after that night at the bar. Hell why he had followed you to that barnin the first place.

Yes alright he admits it he followed you.

As you bend over to scoop up your jacket and hand Logan's back to him you turn to see him inches from your face.

In surprise you take a step back and bump into the tree.

He leant forward and put a hand on the trunk by your head and the other by your hip

"Why do you keep running from me?" Logan asks. His voice low.

His face is so close to yours you could have counted the individual hairs of his mutton chops.

You swallowed and he watched as your Adams apple bobbed with the movement.

"You can let people in you know. It sure as hell ain't easy, I know."

You had no idea why Logan was so close. Why was he confronting you like this again? Why were his eyes were the prettiest thing you had ever seen?

You startled yourself with that thought and had to look away, turning your head to the side. But then you were startled once more as his calloused hand pulled at your chin softly turning your head back to face him.

Your eyes widen as you look at him. A somber tenderness in your voice. Like you were a lost child or an injured creature.

And maybe you were. A mutant with a dark past could be likened to that of a downed bear.

"I told you. I can't get close to people"

He cocked his head and let go of your chin

"You seem pretty close to me. And you didn't seem to unhappy about me joining you outside either. That's more than anyone else here has done"

You press your back harder against the tree as he moves into your space even more. All the while without touching you.

"...sometimes there are exceptions" you whisper as you continue to look at his eyes. He was so close you could see your own reflection in them. It was confronting.

He was confronting. He was standing in your space and you were letting him. This time he didn't even have to hold you to keep in place. Given the choice you wouldn't have moved anyway.

Logan's eyes flicked down to your lips and back up again. He could smell the deep rich tones in your scent this close. The salt and the earth mixed with your musk from all the training. He watched as your eyes glistened in the artificial light from the danger room.

He studied every inch of your face like it was a master piece crafted by Michelangelo himself. And to Logan you were. As detailed as the marble he carved but as hardy as it too. Almost impenetrable on contact.

"Am I your exception?" Logan asks bringing his face closer to yours and lowering his voice even more. The bass of his tone mixed with the quietness of voice.

"Because I think your mine"

Logan knew now you were something special to him. Like human magnetism that pulled him towards you. Even if he wanted to pull away he couldn't. He should have noticed when you first joined the team but he only fully understood now.

And you understood why you sought his attention and his approval at first. Logan inspired you as a hero and as a person. But it was so much more than that, he was alluring and too hard to stay away from.

That's why you had to leave that night, to drink away any and all feelings. Because in the end they all came back to Logan.

"Just let me in, please" he whispered. His breath hitting your lips as he spoke

Oh yes I am being that bitch. You guys are going to have to wait for part 6 for me to get to juicy stuff. I am going to drag this out as long as possible hahah!

Let me know if you want to see part 6. I also take requests

[zeevoidlight]

what's the deal with these two...

Seriously. Why is the suspicion and joking of their bromance even a thing that exists (outside of just shipping for shipping's sake and ppl making every male friendship a secretly frustrated gay relationship). Is it even a thing?

Do I ship Goku and Vegeta?... yes.. yes I do, I confess myself as part of the problem. But I feel is fair that in a show like Dragon Ball where there's sexually mature references and themes at times I can give myself the freedom to wonder. So i'mmana talk about two pivotal moments that marked a before and after for both of them together as a team: their Majin saga match and the fusion.

//////

As far as the show goes, there's not really much to go off of. They clearly both have their wives whom they both love very much, children, they love to battle and test themselves, they are bros (now at least), rivals for life, they better each other by challenging one another to get better.

On the other hand my autism tells me that that's not the whole story. Because I normally don't like to take things at face value when i can see more.

Is interesting to see how both, Goku's compassion and respect for Vegeta, and Vegeta's (albeit unhealthy) obsession over Goku, the fact that they were also the last of their kind and the only ones that could compete with each other to fight between themselves and against others (discounting Gohan since he always slacked on his training and wasn't really interested on fighting), the only ones that could understand how the other felt as being pure blooded, that Goku had a living example in Vegeta of his true origins to learn more about himself (like a walking Saiyan enciclopedia), that Vegeta had in Goku a new purpose in life (until he realized what he had with his family as well), all of that with time combined to create a dynamic where they both felt comfortable with each other. They famously became companions, with time forming friendship/friendly rivalry and some could even see them now being akin to brothers. Something that as much as Krilin was Goku's life long friend and will be forever he could never really fulfill all that Vegeta came to develop with Goku. And in a way I don't think anyone can either.

But there's also an important note to make about this relationship/friendship. Vegeta is the one that gives it more meaning than Goku does (at first). I feel like Goku is simply being his loving caring happy free self, while Vegeta takes it personal and takes so much weight on what Goku says and does and how it affects him. As he later puts in words in Super (Granola arc i think), Goku is an egotist while he himself is an egocentric. And that difference is important to get to the point because from now on for a while the question is "Why does Vegeta".

Why does Vegeta put so much weight in their fight in the Majin Saga that he's willing to kill innocent people again just to have a match with Goku (going with the latin dub again since is more accurate to the original japanese one). And it isn't just about his ego, is about what he doesn't say as well.

Why is Vegeta the only character that is so against fusion, with Goku specifically because he has only fused with him and we don't know how would he react to fusing with someone else if it's needed.

Why is Vegeta so averse to touching Goku. At least after their fight and after him dying in the Majin Saga and once he is allowed to go back to Earth.

Why on the brink of the universe destruction was Vegeta acting like a cheated on girlfriend when he discovered that Goku had a new transformation and didn't told him about it (I would be mad at him too to be fair but i also understand why Goku wouldn't want to do so and he did it to not hurt Vegeta's feelings and have a good time under fair conditions. he gets half a point for the sentiment).

The Majin Saga

From all the examples people like to pull up when trying to argument sexual tension between these two there's only a few that I feel have some significance. And I can tell you when did it cooked enough to be a possibility. And that is right when Goku announced he was going to go back to Earth for one day and one day only, presumably forever. That's where something started, but it was brewing since Goku died to Cell and Vegeta lost Goku, his purpose, his obsession, his will to fight, and entered a depressive episode that lasted 2 years (aprox, since Bulma tells Chichi that Vegeta had been training for the last 5 years in the 7 year time skip).

Once he knew Goku was coming back he just had to do anything in his power to fight against him again, no matter what it took (he looks so excited too, that's cute). His entire meaning as the person he perceived he was and his meaning as a warrior and Goku's foil depended on it. He actually was in good terms with Goku up to here though. Agreeing to the tournament rules, being patient, enjoying meals together, bragging about his kid. But after realizing that they might not have their match because of Supreme Kio's pink menace, nothing else mattered, not Bulma, not Trunks, not the Earth or the universe or everything he had been building for so many years without Goku. Goku was the single catalyst for his relapse. Like... how is it possible that fighting with him and proving his worth is more important that it's been a rock in his boots for years now. But ok, he's a warrior so I can understand why, also because he was going through a Major (with capital M) identity crisis where he's trying to negate his newfound value in his family and new home while thinking that is what was making him weak, though he never really believed that since he knew Goku never needed to be cruel to surpass him, it was just a jolt reaction to not knowing how to handle it, and Goku could see through that very clearly by asking him if he really believed that bs about feeling good by being cruel and being a slave of his own mind.

But the thing is that during their fight it is clear that more than winning (which he would have enjoy to no end if they finished their fight and Goku didn't had a new plot convenient powerup hiding under his eyebrows again, though that wouldn't have helped him to grow), both were very much enjoying the act of fighting (since Goku said he wanted to end the fight soon so Buu doesn't get the energy but he didn't because he could have used Ssj3 and end it quite fast), Vegeta fighting against his previous rival now companion Kakarot. Sparing with him in perfect synchrony in an equal fight because what Vegeta actually wanted with the Majin Magic was to close the powergap and convince himself he had an excuse to not feel remorse because of the magic. And i say that because before Goku dying to Cell he really saw him as competition, but after he lost him i feel that alongside his remorse and embarrassment for the disaster that was that saga, in part because of his gigantic ego, he must have felt alone, now truly being the last pure blooded Saiyan alive and not in condition to call himself a warrior anymore under his own standards. And although he had Gohan, which he respected a lot because of his courage and his immense power, it was not the same since Gohan is a pacifist and didn't had the same passion for fighting like a pure blooded Saiyan so he wasn't even training. So by the time of the Majin Saga and once Goku came into the picture again I think he subconsciously regarded him differently and he ends up realizing it during their fight (although he doesn't vocalize it).

During their fight there's a specific moment. After Goku throws Vegeta to a cliff side and he makes a hole in it to liberate himself, Goku comes to him and they both get very close just floating in the air and powering up, looking at each other. Vegeta is beyond pissed, Goku taking the fight very seriously. Then Goku smiles to Vegeta challenging him and showing he's enjoying their fight, and Vegeta relaxes for a moment changing his attitude and showing a smile back to him in empathy, sharing to him that he is enjoying it too and wants to challenge him back as well.

This whole fight is Goku's way to show Vegeta how much he actually cares about him and his well being despite what Vegeta might have believed up until then, how much he respects him as a warrior and an equal too, even risking Earth and Majin Buu's return. He did the unthinkable and menaced Kaio Shin with death if he dared to stop their fight, which Vegeta sure noticed and even reacted with complete disbelief. As Supreme Kaiosama says to Gohan and the others in the wasteland: "we cannot do anything about it. Fight until you can calm your hearts".

I know a lot of people joke about Vegeta being a repressed homosexual because of his obsession with Goku, and i'm not saying he is, but this fight is charged with sexual tension, mostly on his part, among other things of course. And is interesting that Vegeta, ever since the Namek experience, is the most emotionally fragile of the bunch and an unstable character. He feels everything very intensely and reacts in the same way while trying to hide under a curtain of pride, ego and his title of Prince.

Goku knew what he was getting into by agreeing to fight with Vegeta. He wasn't going to just let them set the score, he was going to give Vegeta the most intense therapy session ever by letting him discharge all that literal energy and anger, guiding him through his thoughts, playing by Vegeta's rules. Help him overcome whatever he had been brewing in his mind since they day they met thinking on where was the moment everything went wrong for years, so he could move forward...

And then... this happens...

... I don't think anyone expected something like this to even be a thing that he could do as a power that we will only see one time ever in the entirety of the show and is in here, lol. And not long ago I watched a semi abridged semi analysis commentary video on the fight and yeah, we coincide that there was something else going on here at the same time. Vegeta got a little too excited... He got rock hard by too much adrenaline, lol. And I didn't mentioned it but being that Saiyans were a warrior culture there exists some real life relation of warrior societies (like greeks, romans, spartans, norse, some aztec societies) and homoerotic practices as part of that philosophy. Fighting is everything and everything revolves around fighting. And finding a brother in arms could develop into something else out of admiration, or from hyper-masculinity with the purpose of dominating the other and demonstrating power. And i'm not saying that that was part of Saiyan culture, just that there might be some similarities with what we're seeing.

There's a fine line between pain and pleasure, hate and love, fear and excitement, rivalry and attraction. And in moments of intensity where both opposite feelings collide can produce an equally intense and confusing response. We know for sure Saiyans by nature often confuse fear an excitement, and rivalry with attraction at least, as Goku confesses on his first fight with Vegeta when he spares him. And here Vegeta is going through a rollercoaster of emotions and given that he is the most emotionally charged character it can go all places.

So, Vegeta tells Goku if he pretends to defeat him quickly as he said, Goku responds that he's trying to do that, and Vegeta asks if he thinks he can do it *slap slap* (the disrespect). He's trying to provoke him but the way he does it is kinda similar to what you'd do in a sexual encounter since he's not really hurting him too badly (which is really funny). And I'm pretty sure he wasn't thinking about anything sexual, just pure anger towards our buddy Kakarot so that doesn't change the fact that he did just lost his marbles to blind rage and wasn't thinking at all, just feeling intensely and acting freely on it. "Listen... don't you think this is enough humiliation I got from your part *hit hit punch hit*. This attacks are not enough to set the score. How is it possible that a Prince of Saiyans, that possesses such a great pride, was humiliated by a warrior like you (In the English version there's a series of flashbacks with dialogue but that's not a thing in the japanese and latin version). What saddens me the most is that you saved my life, worm (i don't remember if he's referring to Cell because Gohan saved him there, or way back in the saiyan saga when they first met since for a warrior is way worse offense to get their death in battle denied since he now has to suffer all what he's been through). You deserve to die! I'll break you to pieces right now! I'll start with the arm...".

((You got this guy having Goku in all tied up to a rock, legs spread out, slapping Goku in the face, talking about "not being enough humiliation", and saying "this attacks are not enough", all emotionally charged and intense with his obsession of a rival, high in testosterone, from a warrior culture, that even back in the day I was like OH MY GOOOOD!? What is he going to DO?!! that when I heard him say "I'll break you to pieces right now! I'll start with the arm" I was like OH THANK GOODNESS he's just going to mutilate him... NO, WAIT...)) (also, notice that Vegeta is technically fighting a ghost because Goku is already dead)

Unfortunately for Goku though Vegeta didn't share the safe word and he had to free himself so he wasn't actually dismembered by the intensity of Prince Vegeta and they continued their fight, once again Goku leveling the field into a in a less emotionally charged more equal fight all things considered. They talk again and Vegeta admits to him that he understands that he's never going to surpass him because Goku is more skilled at fighting, now getting into the real meat of the matter with him and his frustrations. We get to Vegeta almost breaking in tears again, torn by the realization of his situation confessing all about how he wants to be who he was and how he cannot cope with his new life on Earth having all this new feelings for his family and being passive that make him feel like he is not himself. Which tells a lot about how he still doesn't know how to function outside of conflict and his deeply rooted self image since childhood, and to me it says that it almost feels to him like he's afraid of disappearing as an individual if he cannot go back to being something he recognizes and is familiar with as he doesn't recognize himself being something else, a who that is completely opposite to what he has ever known. Is something some people that had lived through a deeply traumatic upbringing experience. On top of it being a Saiyan it must have been really confusing and difficult but Goku is the only one that could probably understand that in some capacity as pure blooded Saiyan. That's why he is the only person Vegeta can trust with this information. With no one else he has this level of openness, probably not even with Bulma.

And i love how Goku doesn't give up on him though after everything and he is still willing to listen and help. Without his help here Vegeta wouldn't have confronted and put into words his reality to later internalize it and fully embrace his love for his family, fully embrace his feelings, giving Trunks later his first hug. That was all Goku's doing.

Of course things happened since they were still in the middle of total annihilation at the hands of the strongest pink ball of bubblegum. and from this fight and his explosive sacrifice/ acceptance of his destiny and for who he was, going forward Vegeta actually starts acting a little different. A lot more relaxed with Kakarot, more open and sincere, more focused on helping than competing, more agreeable and no longer ignoring or being embarrassed of his feelings for his loved ones (like we see when he gets convinced by Goku to do the fusion using Vegeta's love for Bulma). And I'm pretty sure he felt grateful and in life debt to him. Not only for his help with unjumbling his feelings during that fight but for everything he's done for him since the day Goku spared his life way back in the day (as we see him asking to Piccolo if he'll get to see Goku in the afterlife just before he sacrifices). A real true honest best friend/rival for life. (Though he still was being a bit stubborn about wanting to fight Buu himself in the anime, but in the manga he just doesn't charge head first into trying to battle him, he just doesn't like the idea of fussing with Kakarot).

Then the fusion thing...

The thing about the fusion is that Vegeta usually never wants to do it because he's embarrassed by the dance (which yeah... that's absolutely fair) but this is not the metamoran one, is the Potara, and they don't need to dance. His usual complains then change to "I just don't like to be fused with him" or "I don't like the idea of uniting bodies with him" when they have to do it later (either in canon or movie). And I don't know how doing a fusion with someone would feel like but the Potara at least has two ways it can go. For the Kaios just one person becomes the main, getting some physical characteristics and power of the other, and the other becomes dormant, just one person gets to be conscious. But for mortals, both actually remain conscious and they both "live" inside the body of each other as one new combined persona who is a combined identity, mixing mentally and physically, sharing memories, thoughts, feelings, everything in unison either the other wants it or not because when they are fused they are cooperating in a single brain so they think the same under this persona even if later they have separate thoughts on the same thing when they de-fuse, even better actually if they are rivals because they get the rival boost. Is not too crazy to think that some would consider it a very intimate act, even more because is permanent (until the retcon), which Goku is so considerate to tell Vegeta at the very last minute and he's like "WTF!" and Goku is just down with it while Vegeta is regretting ever meeting this guy but does it anyways.

And we have seen other characters combine but they don't think much about it, Trunks and Goten specifically just find it fun because they are best friends and just think about having the time of their lives beating up the bad guys. But I think Vegeta specifically does feel like it's something too personal and intimate that requires a lot his will power to do. His concept of it is different for a lot of reasons that all derive from being a very reserved person in general in many aspects. But ultimately and reluctantly agrees for the sake of his loved ones and saving his new home.

Goku certainly didn't thought much about it, just another way to become even stronger by cooperating with someone in a new way. Better if it's Vegeta because the power boost is much greater to save the Earth and he considers him a real friend at this point. He's so excited when Vegeta accepts because it means so much, it's the demonstration to Goku of his turn to an actual good guy, fighting for others and not just himself, and he's so proud. And the result is this very playful, sassy confident and cocky warrior that we all know and love because is the best thing ever and I don't have Vegetto favoritism.

But something did changed in both of them after the fusion. I know is an anime only thing for better pacing (at least until Super came and made it a thing again in small ways of its own), but after the fusion thing Goku started to unnecessarily get into Vegeta's personal space more (I mean, I don't think there's anything more intimate than fussing and you'd have to get a level of trust and understanding with that other person like with no one else ever afterwards regardless). Like, I like that when they do the cheek to cheek attack, which again was completely unnecessary, Vegeta feels dirty about it, even muttering to himself "He's an opportunist...(as in like, Goku was sexuality taking advantage of him) I would have preferred the fusion" and Goku asks him is he's finished blasting Buu bits and Vegeta recoils and yells "Don't get close to me!". (In the manga there's not really that much fuss about it when they separate, they just get to work and directly from separating to Buu's brain). The fusion represents the pinnacle of their growth together as partners. Probably even more than that at this point for how much they share as rivals and how much they understand about each other above any other person, including their own wives in some regards for all they have gone through on things only they can share between themselves like their love for battle.

And if they both were friendly before while still keeping their cards up, now is when they start to act more like brothers and cooperating. Goku with his power and techniques and Vegeta with his strategic planing at the end of the Buu saga. Goku even becomes more playful with Vegeta, even sharing funny moments together. And as pointed out, I believe the fusion made them know the thinking, memories and intentions of the other to a degree.

This is the turning point for Goku as well regarding accepting his heritage as Saiyan. Because from then on he also accepts the values of the Saiyans as warriors and accepts feeling pleasure in having a good fair honorable fight without aid and relying only in his strength and talent just for the thrill he gets of it (much like what he felt as a child/teen), which he demonstrates by breaking the second pair of Potara earrings while Vegeta responds by telling him that he's so proud of him for going into the fight the Saiyan way. Also from then on others start to recognize Goku fully as a Saiyan (so much is the influence Vegeta has had on him that in the Super Broly movie Goku introduces himself to Broly, a fellow Saiyan, as Kakarot first over Goku).

Now, about Vegeta with the fusion, if he wasn't too sure about the fusion first, now every time the fusion is required he almost feels violated by the suggestion (which right before the kid Buu fight he actually didn't mind fusing again and kinda wanted it in the anime while this wasn't in the manga but ok). And of course, if he didn't had much thoughts on getting close and personal with Goku when battling because it meant nothing (like the arm riding in the Saiyan saga and their bondage session prior), now he recoils from him in certain situations (it also didn't help that the first time they fuse they went dick first...).

Also also, there's a moment in the manga when Goku is fighting kid Buu in Ssj3 where Vegeta tells Goku that he guessed Goku was fighting overtime because he never intended for Vegeta to have his turn (because if he dies he dies for real), and Goku says that is not that, that he is just looking for an opportunity to reunite his power for at least a minute, and Vegeta gets all tsundere, blushes and says "So... So you weren't doing it to protect me?!..." (lol, well, here's the latin translation but you get the idea)

And onto Super, they made this thing about Goku asking Vegeta to grab his hand in order to instant transmission but Goku knows very well that's not necessary, he could have said to Vegeta to grab his shoulder like others do but he wants him to grab his hand, and Vegeta gets all flustered and nervous every time as if people are going to make fun of him for being gay or something (since we are told by the Pilaf gang that holding hands is very romantic and a sign of being a couple, and something to be embarrassed about, although from a childish perspective of course but this information was set up for the audience when Trunks wanted to hold hands with Mai). Like... Goku, do you have something to share as well?

They later spent 3 years in the hyperbolic chamber at Goku's request... 3 years together just sparing in a void where there's nothing but infinity and them, which again, it wasn't really necessary because as Vegeta points out that wasn't going to make much of a difference in terms of power because they are at their limit of what their bodies can achieve by just fighting, and three years is a bit too much. And Bulma even got jealous/angry about Vegeta accepting the invitation. And then! They come out like they did? Matching beards? I kinda want to wonder how that came to be. A dare? They broke the razor or what. Obviously the implication is that they got so into their fighting that they just forgot basic higiene those last days but like... I don't even have to try...

It's become such a well known thing that there's something going on that even in official material (not canon exactly but official) acknowledges it. Maybe Goku knows something we don't since the fusion happened but it goes a little beyond just a joke from his part XD.

And i haven't talked about it but Goku has no shame or filter. He does seem to display asexual tendencies, but he's either oblivious to sexual stuff at times and how it affects others, or does it on purpose because he feels not much about it but does know how it affects others. So that cheek to cheek attack could have been Goku being oblivious, or Vegeta was right and Goku took advantage of the situation to get close to Vegeta on purpose. He's also known since always to not really care about the social conventions of things. He's a good guy, but he's also reckless, impulsive at times, and if he wants something he'll just get it without thinking of what are others going to think about it.

In GT there's actually not too much, they just remain companions and friends for life...(Is just so cute and fulfilling seeing them being like brothers). Vegeta again reminiscing of everything they've gone through and accepting his role in the powerscale and being very freaking cute with Bulma, being such a dad and all. The highlight is the fusion again though, where Vegeta is the one that says he wants to do the fusion "So what have you decided, Kakarot. Are we going to do the fusion or not", to which Goku just laughs and Vegeta is like "what are you laughing at", and Goku responds saying that "I'm not laughing, I just feel happy because is the first time you ask ME to do the fusion", and Vegeta is just averts his eyes and says "I hate you...", lol.

Of course, the bromance tones might be just fanservice (I didn't knew that in shonen is actually very common). But either if there's something or not I don't really care much about that. Because as characters I have seen them grow so much and they have learn so much about themselves and each other that them possibly being into each other might as well be just another aspect they allow themselves to explore if they're down with it, with whatever canon or the anime presents us to see and guess, just like they have with their own families, wives, form friendships, discover new feelings, ways of thinking, how they have become stronger and how they have change the people around them, meta speaking as well. Because it does feel natural for them, like it didn't came out of nowhere or out of purely fanservice (which it kind of is but it does make sense). Either they are just friends, honorary brothers or something more I'm happy with who they have become thanks to each other. And the trust they have for each other is what is beautiful to see reflected. I'm so proud of them and what they have achieved. Now they are inseparable as the best duo in history.

And in my conclusions I would say that Vegeta might feel something towards Goku for how much he has helped him and how he has come to admire and respect him in levels unimaginable... in a spartan kinda way if you like and if he ever was down with it. And Goku is just Goku. He loves in a storge kind of way because that's what he does. He knows Vegeta to a T, knows what he needs, and wants him to be happy as well and become the better version of himself, to feel comfortable and feel loved too because he admires him as well, and if he can help him he will do so. Is not really a physical sexual attraction (which doesn't mean it cannot derive on one if you want and as we've seen, specially with Goku) but there IS attraction and love in a different way.

[books-and-dragons]

a minor detail from the nereid in this scene had me wondering...

who is 'us'?

since it's a nereid speaking, are we to assume the nereid is speaking on behalf of all sea life, of atlantis? by extension, does this mean that the ocean has always been aware of percy?

i mean, at least in part that's a given- in the books, poseidon had cyclops checking in on percy. posiedon really isn't making much of an attempt to keep percy a secret, at least not from his own people/subjects.

it felt like a very interesting addition, this implication the sea is looking out for percy, cares for him in what is suggested to be an equal capacity to that of poseidon- the nereid is quick to make this comparison

already, we're having an emphasis on how poseidon claims to care for percy- which contrasts several other gods we've seen thus far (*cough*athena*cough*), and now we're also getting the suggestion that this sentiment for percy is shared by others of the ocean's domain.

there's always been a shared sense of belonging for percy when it comes to the water- at camp, when he meets the naiads he describes it as feeling like seeing long-lost family, over the books it's suggested percy spends a lot of time helping out sea life with their problems (including getting stuck in traps), and when we see atlantis we understand there's whole other civilisations that exist- with their own politics and bonds. atlantis is no different, an entire species of people, a whole ecosystem and political environment- a society. one that already expresses lament for not being able to involve themselves in percy's life until this point, or interact at all.

percy goes from having his mother, and struggling to ever find a place he belongs, to the possibility there's a whole other civilisation he may belong to, who care for him. imagine how conflicting that will feel.

[verosikastrikerstellaexcuser]

you do not understand you therapeutic to find your blog holy shit i thought i was going insane. FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE SEES HOW FUCKED UP STOLITZ IS AND HOW STOLAS TURNED INTO A "uwu i'm sad all the time please be nice to me" CHARACTER

You're welcome! I'm really glad my blog gave you that catharsis. Honestly surf tags like Helluva Boss Critical, Stolas critical, Anti Stolas, etc etc, and you'll find a lot of people with the same sentiment and its only growing. Others before me convinced me to make this blog because the feeling was growing like crazy inside me as I kept watching each new ep of Helluva Boss. You are definitely not alone in seeing all these problems. The thing is is that this has been a growing problem with the shows writing, and its just getting stronger and stronger as the show keeps doubling down on not addressing all the things St*las keeps doing wrong and keeps portraying him as a victim. As long as S1 exists, we know hes not the victim, because in the very first fucking episode of the show he establishes himself as a sexual exploiter of Blitz. You cannot just undo that no matter how hard you try - the circus was an attempt to do so but it still didn't work, because you just fucking can't undo a whole season. All it did was make Blitz a worse character, fucking thanks.

Right now the show is trying to minimize St*las' wrongs and pretend they don't exist. It keeps adding new contrived feeling drama to make us pity him, while at the same time trying to undo like half S1, any of the inconvenient bits, while still lovingly referencing back to the bits it still likes. All this keeps making the show messier and messier because things keep getting retconned, changed, characters personalities are beginning to change into something else, its making it all feel like an exploding trainwreck impossible to keep track of. And its a shame, because S1 was still flawed as are all things but personally I still believe it was good. It was a fun good time with some heart and drama sprinkled in. Now its all drama and retcons. I think HB is a lesson in having an more of an overarching plot/story along with an ending in mind for your show to follow before you start writing it honestly.

[llyfrenfys]

Xenophobia in Celtic nations' independence movements: A guide to the red flags

This is something I've wanted to write about for a long time - I want to go over this in more detail when I can. But for now a short guide to the most egregious red flags is warranted imo.

'Celtic nations' refers to the modern regions where Celtic languages are still spoken, namely Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Isle of Man, Cornwall and Brittany. Its important to know that these places are called Celtic not because of who lives there, but because of the languages which have survived there. Its a common error to think 'Celtic nations'= Celtic people. In my field (Celtic Studies) Celtic is generally only applied as a descriptor in the sense of language family.

Because of the popular misinformation 'Celtic nation' = 'Celtic' population, xenophobia rears its ugly head in multiple corners of the various Celtic nations' independence movements. Left unchecked, this xenophobia develops into outright racism. Which is why it's important to recognise these red flags when you see them.

'Acceptable Targets':

The reason why some of the xenophobia goes unchecked (and develops into worse kinds) is because a lot of xenophobia in the Celtic nations is aimed at 'acceptable' targets - which no-one bats an eye about when this rhetoric is deployed. But were it deployed against any other nationalities, it would immediately obvious that it isn't acceptable. Now, I will preface this with that there's nuance with these nationalities and there's something to be said about whether some of it is 'punching up'. However, because of how accepted it is to be casually xenophobic against these privileged groups, it is signalled through that that it's okay to be xenophobic in general to less privileged groups. I feel its important to address the first rung on the ladder before tackling any higher up.

Without beating around the bush, I'm talking about the English (and French. But I know more about the English so that's where my focus will be).

Yes, pro-independence anti-English memes and jokes can be funny. Most of them do stay on the side of punching up and many raise important points on the effects of English imperialism on the Celtic languages. However, there's a fine line between punching up and voluntarily using and wielding xenophobic arguments and rhetoric to get one up on the English. This, in my view, only paves the way for worse kinds of xenophobia and to me is a canary in the coal mine situation. But I also cannot talk about this without also making it clear that it is possible to recognise that sometimes a line is crossed without validating English persecution complexes à la 'you can't even say you're English these days' or similar nonsense. Both things can be true at once: Casual xenophobia against the English does exist, however, its existence should not be used to validate English persecution complexes. On the contrary, we should fight that also.

The reason why this canary in the coal mine has gone unnoticed is because of the reluctance to actually point out xenophobia against the English in pro-independence movements due to fear of accidentally validating the claims Englishness as a concept is under threat or due of fear of ostracism from Celtic nationalist movements. There is little danger of actually validating the former sentiment, however, because of a crucial fact. The people in the Celtic nations being casually xenophobic and the English with persecution complexes have one massive trait in common: they're both xenophobic in incredibly similar ways. If it's hard to tell apart an English nationalist from one in a Celtic nation if you were to swap the target of their ire, congratulations, your movement has a xenophobia problem /s.

English nationalist: We should tighten controls on our borders to keep all those foreigners and immigrants out. Make England English again.

(Xenophobic) Celtic nationalist: We should fight for our independence so we can tighten controls on our borders to keep all those foreigners and immigrants out. Make [insert Celtic nation] [nationish] again.

Many Celtic nationalists will also present ahistorical facts or manipulated versions of history in order to seem more valid or legitimate. It's a massive red flag when someone's grasp of history seems more emotional than grounded in historical fact. Using Welsh history as an example, I've seen this type of Celtic nationalist blatantly lie about historical figures, literally deface ancient castles in Wales based on a poor grasp (and respect for) history and conflate modern English and Welsh identity with ancient entities which do not map neatly 1:1. The ahistory presented by individuals or groups fancying themselves as leaders in their respective movements are unquestioningly accepted by others in the Celtic nationalist movements. This creates a manufactured mythology, belief in which confers in-group status and out-group status. A mythology which reinforces beliefs already present in the movement - such as the right to be casually xenophobic as long as it's against the 'right people' and as long as it is done in the name of protecting or advocating for their nation.

It was never going to stop at English people:

Once casual xenophobia is established as being tolerated, expected or even encouraged in the various independence movements, it enables xenophobes to be bolder in their rhetoric. Because casual xenophobia against 'deserving' nations like England is dismissed as 'just banter' and not taken seriously, it sends a signal to everyone in that movement that xenophobia is okay if its used against the 'right groups. While it may roll like water off a duck's back to the average English person, other, more vulnerable people do not fare so well.

To use an actual example I've seen out in the wild, some people will claim that you can't be considered Welsh unless you were born in Wales. Many people won't question this or interrogate the implications. Firstly, this comes back to how Celtic nationalists can often sound exactly the same as English nationalists (blood and soil nationalism is common to English and Celtic nationalisms). Secondly, this rhetoric also simulataneously invalidates several ostensibly Welsh people, such as Saunders Lewis (born in Liverpool) and Jan Morris (born in Somerset). In most cases, anyone who lives in X country / is a citizen of X country can or should be able to describe themselves as Xish.

The perennial anxiety of Celtic nationalists is that because most of the Celtic nations (excepting the Republic of Ireland) are constituent parts of a state (either the UK or France) and not independent entities in their own right, there is no control over borders and there is no system by which someone can be made a Welsh, or Breton or Cornish etc. citizen - and thus no way to control [nation]ness via those means. When Celtic nationalists agitate for independence, it's important to interrogate their motivations. If they are motivated primarily by a desire to control who is considered Xish and who isn't, that's a red flag.

English nationalists have this citizenship problem too, since England is not an independent nation, but a country within the UK. However, most English nationalists overlap heavily with British nationalists in general, so most agitation for 'sovereignty' gets channelled into British nationalism. This is one of the key differences between English and Celtic nationalists - the former is usually very fond of the United Kingdom, the latter detests it and wants to secede. This leaves Celtic nationalism in a tight spot - there is a desire for self determination which is currently impossible to achieve or enforce. And that makes a lot of Celtic nationalists anxious. And that anxiety leads to feeling like they need to prove their commitment to the cause by performing xenophobia, which validates their in-group status while simultaneously establishes the out-group.

A person born in England but who lives in Wales, perhaps speaks Welsh or considers themself Welsh will, in general, be mostly unharmed by 'you have to be born in Wales to be Welsh' rhetoric. But you know who might be? So many immigrants who consider themselves Welsh who make Wales a great place to be. Immigrants in Wales (especially nonwhite immigrants) may feel excluded by such rhetoric. It's almost on par with "where are you really from" sentiments. And this is an entirely self-defeating kind of rhetoric for Celtic nationalists to take up. Here we have thousands upon thousands of people who willingly want to live and work in Celtic nations - many of whom will also learn the language - undoing centuries of English and French propaganda that diminished the worth of Celtic nations and their languages* - and Celtic nationalists want to exclude these people from claiming the nationality of their adopted nations because... they didn't happen to be born here. Got it.

Xenophobia, once established, cannot be contained:

Xenophobia ripples outwards. Once it is established it is okay to be xenophobic to certain groups, other groups begin to be included in the xenophobia. This then has the potential to expand into outright racism. In Ireland, for example, there's significant amounts of antiblack racism present in the nationalist movement. Very recently, due to the actions of the UK government over the Rwanda Plan, the Republic of Ireland has gotten frustrated at the amount of immigrants attempting to reach their shores after abandoning attempts to claim asylum in the UK (out of fear of being sent to Rwanda). There's a "we don't do that here" attitude in many Celtic nationalist movements with regards to English imperialism, xenophobia, racism and anti-immigration. But not only do we do that here - it's worryingly integral to some people's visions for their nation's independence! You end up with complacency because many will take a literal no true Scotsman approach to Celtic nationalism and pretend that such people aren't really part of the movement. The problem is, is that they are here and regularly hijack otherwise unproblematic movements.

There are many routes through which Celtic nationalists can get radicalised into becoming massively xenophobic in order to fight for their respective nation's independence. All of them stem from real, legitimate problems in each nation whose cause has been misidentified.

One way is through opposition to second homes. On all counts, a noble goal and a very legitimate problem which I myself am invested in fighting. But the ways in which this problem is addressed often veer into questionable territory. If the focus is on "how dare those people from over there come over here" instead of "how dare a very small group of people monopolise housing for holiday lets at the expense of locals" there's a problem. The problem isn't people not from [place] holidaying there, it's the people who monopolise housing for their own profit which reduces housing available for locals and destroys community. In Aberystwyth I've heard some appalling sentiments against people from the Midlands - borderline if not outright classism around their appearances, mannerisms and accents. Sneering at random families visiting the beach isn't going to help anything and only exposes thinly veiled bigotry in whoever is making such remarks.

As already mentioned, another way radicalisation into xenophobic Celtic nationalism can occur is through mythologised 'history' which has been manipulated to suit the needs of the person or people making the claim. Lately, I've been seeing a rise in Welsh 'history' groups rife with disinformation and outright misrepresentation of historical events which are so designed to keep people angry about historical injustices against Wales. There are plenty of real historical injustices which can be talked about - but the 'history' presented in these groups is often fabricated or twisted to make things worse than they were or are stripped of nuance which perhaps paints certain historical figures less favourably than the authors would have liked. Not to mention superimposing modern nationalism onto ancient peoples is also just accepted as fine to do. Here is a screenshot of a Welsh 'history' group shared in a Welsh learning group I'm in. I can and will do a deeper dive into this topic in particular when I can. For now I'll mention the most important things to notice:

As mentioned in one of my other posts on this topic - the term 'native' is frequently misused in a Celtic context. Here, it sets up the basic in-group/out-group dynamic from the start and creates a setting in which members of the group are privy to the 'real' history while others are not. A brief glance at posts in this group makes that quite clear. The flag in the image is a representation of Y Groes Naid - supposedly a piece of the True Cross kept at Aberconwy. Now, there are ways to depict this cross which aren't so dogwhistley - so I'm immediately suspicious this image was chosen on purpose. Right down to the fact there's plausible deniability if anyone tries to point out how much the flag looks like the white supremacist Celtic Cross symbol, since it's Y Groes Naid, right?

I will wrap this up with that as a Celticist, I see far too many people uncritically supporting certain Celtic nationalist movements simply because they are pro-independence. Turning a blind eye to 'acceptable' xenophobia and choosing to believe ahistorical versions of history because it better suits their politics. This must be resisted - we can advocate for the independence of Celtic nations which desire it without relying upon these means. It can be done, I promise. But the path to that means dismantling systems of oppression which exist within Celtic nationalist movements. Awareness of the problem in the first place is a good place to start.

Reblogs and comments are welcome on this post to raise awareness of the issue and actually talk about these things.

Diolch am darllen!

[gold-snek-hoe]

Hello and welcome to Opinions from an Internet Nobody. Today's essay:

"Ger therapy" is the new "You need Jesus": One Weirdo's Navigation through Cultural Shame

This is a supposedly well-meaning sentiment that is often weaponized against people who are behaving outside of perceived cultural norms. It's a favorite of homophobes who see queerness/transness as a mental illness, but I've been seeing it used to demonize kink (which historically is often linked to queerness), and more generally any "weird" behavior that makes people uncomfortable.

For example, otherkin, systems (especially those with fictives), and people who take fictional characters as partners. Y'know, "weirdos" who "can't separate reality from fiction." And, sure, sometimes there can be a problem with that distinction, but I know as well as you that most internet strangers saying "get therapy" don't actually give a shit about the mental health of those they target. It's code for "your behavior makes me uncomfortable, stop it."

Same sentiment as "you need Jesus."

This has actually taken me a long time to figure out. I've been in therapy for my entire adult life, working through various traumas, severe depression, anxiety, all that. Those were the biggest problems as they negatively impacted, and often endangered, my life. It was only after my hospitalization in 2020, where I was finally put on much needed medication, that I could start to grow into myself.

I changed my name. I top surgery. I came out as polyamorous. I finally got my official autism diagnosis. Now I'm fuckin' married! But... there are still things I'm working through in therapy. Mainly, shame over my "weirder" behaviors. My current therapist has been a huge blessing in helping me accept the things I was too ashamed to admit.

Now, I feel comfortable enough to share.

I'm otherkin. Always have been. My connection to my humanity is tenuous, and I'm sure that's connected to my autism. When mad, I feel phantom horns sprouting from my forehead. I have a tail that swishes back and forth at the base of my spine. In my soul, I am monstrous, and years of therapy has not erased that.

I feel like I'm only half in the physical world most of the time. This doesn't hinder my real-world success (I graduated college Summa Cum Laude, have an IMDB page, and am on my third book), but informs the way I look at the world. There's a whole other universe in my head that hums along with me in my day-to-day. That's part of why I'm so skilled as a writer. To ask me to divorce from that is to tell me to stop existing. Sorry, it's how I've always operated.

Lastly, and this is the one I'm really anxious about, I have a fictional husband. Now, looking at my blog, you might say "yeah, no shit," but I don't just ship myself with him. I mean I practice pop-culture Witchcraft, and the Goblin King is my patron. I mean I have a Labyrinth-themed tarot deck that I talk to him with. I mean I held a ritual to spiritually marry him. Basically, I Snape-wived myself.

And guess what? My therapist isn't concerned. It's not hurting my ability to live my life. I have other interests, hobbies, and goals outside of him, which he actively encourages in all our tarot sessions! I wouldn't be doing this if he didn't support me. My IRL spouse is usually there for whatever magical shit I'm doing, and supports me! Some of my closest friends know, and the only complaint I've gotten is "this guy seems important to you, I wish you told me sooner." Hell, my MOTHER knows and supports me, which is huge, because our relationship was pretty damaged after I came out as trans.

If you have a problem with the way I live my life, when literally nobody else does, take a good long look at why. You don't give a fuck about my mental health. You just don't like that I'm weird.

Tl;dr: My mental health is better than it's ever been since embracing the weird, so leave me and my imaginary husband Marak Sixfinger alone.

[nanomooselet]

Little but Fierce

Now, I might be mistaken, but judging by the number of bare pectoral muscles strewn over my dash at any given moment, I'm gonna say Wolfwood is pretty popular? And that's understandable (he's a loser <3) but it's a genuinely terrible shame that Meryl gets overlooked. Especially in Stampede. Orange have done some really amazingly cool things with Meryl.

And it makes me a little nervous to say so, but I think they only could have done them by detaching her from Milly, at least for a time. Milly's still going to show up and I'm confident from this precedent they'll treat her well, so I'm at peace with her absence for now.

Nightow is unexpectedly good in many ways. He treats sex workers as human, which is a low bar that many nevertheless fail to clear, and my only serious disappointment in Maximum was in how the girls vanished for long periods. I recall an interview where he said something to the effect of being reluctant to put them in harm's way, and while I'm disinclined to take anything Nightow says entirely at face value (I don't think he's a liar, but I do think he has a sense of humour that inclines him to kindly trolling, which I respect), that would line up, I think.

I think Orange are taking the opportunity to remedy this disappointment.

It's exciting. It's the kind of writing for female characters in genre media I've always craved. I will not be silenced on how extremely gay I am for Meryl Stryfe.

Unfortunately that means for this first entry, I'll have to talk about Knives. (Whom I also love, but not in a gay way. More an affectionate revulsion. He's fascinatingly horrible, this man.)

So. I've noticed a distressing tendency for Knives's... really almost anything that ever comes out of his mouth (seriously) to be taken as the honest, objective truth. After all, they didn't call him a villain.

And what an honest face he has!

As Knives has it:

Vash is pretty, but he's useless without his brother. He's a powerless, weak, pathetically naïve, blubberingly sentimental little baby who doesn't care about the Plants, too busy enabling humanity's abuse via performing his cringing, grasping abasement before them to notice how his brethren suffer. Knives himself is the more powerful (and much less human-like) of the twins; the strongest and most righteous activist for necessary change now that, sadly despite all good faith attempts at communication, non-violent solutions have failed. He truly has only the best and most altruistic intentions: the freedom of his people, and the happiness of his brother.

Here's the problem. This has always been the problem. Every one of the statements in the paragraph above is false. Except the one about Vash being pretty.

Once more with feeling: They are completely untrue. They are supported by literally nothing. All we have is his word that they're true and there's so much existing evidence to disprove his claims that even the thought of compiling it exhausts me.

However, I did say that Zazie is a truth-teller in this story, didn't I? So let's examine some of Zazie's conclusions.

Now, I've seen reference to the surviving human communities on No Man's Land as "colonisers", and that their treatment of the Plants even before the Fall is analogous to slavery. (My strong suspicion is that Knives is purposefully invoking those comparisons, in fact.) Those are both extremely loaded analogies, culturally and emotionally, and I just want to gently, respectfully caution those who make them against overlooking the more nuanced and purposeful analogies being made. Or maybe should I say, the actual individuals to whom they apply.

Zazie is very careful to say this: Knives told them humans can't be trusted to learn from consuming their home planet. Knives was the one who said humans will have Zazie's planet next, and that only Knives will "use" the Plants correctly - so Zazie should ally with Knives.

Here's what Knives meant by "using the Plants correctly":

I, uh, think Zazie may have made the wrong call on this one! And that Zazie thinks the same.

This is what makes the interaction with Wolfwood so funny and sad - the all-knowing, ostensibly unkillable Zazie is freaking the hell out, staggering under the weight of realising just how apocalyptically badly they have fucked up. Wolfwood, who also directly instigated this disaster but under duress, is grimly amused - he did everything he did fulfilling the contract to protect the kids, even as his conviction failed, even though he would rather have died, even after Livio... and thus he personally rendered all his own efforts and sacrifices moot.

And he's just like, "Heh, yeah. That tracks." This poor boy.

Afterwards, Zazie is confused and even a little saddened that Vash was demonised in the wake of July's destruction. Never let it be said the bug fails to learn from experience: Vash is the one everyone blames? Ah, so he was in fact spectacularly heroic and clever and it's entirely Knives's fault it turned out so badly.

Also, crashing on this specific planet wasn't exactly humanity's choice. Guess whose choice it was.

Go on, guess. Better yet, guess why.

Yeah. It was also Knives who said to Zazie that both he and Vash crashed the ships... trying to stop us. From doing exactly what Knives tried to do the very instant he got the chance.

The thing is, Knives does everything he can to look like he's right by positioning himself as the most authoritative source, but he isn't ever backed up by like... facts. Or evidence. Or reality. Or anything. Ever. He crowned himself king of the Plants. He speaks and acts for them by divine right, apparently. He didn't take a vote or anything - in his mind it's self-evident only he understands the world, and Vash, and the correct way to use the Plants. Because remember that it's not using Plants he gives a damn about, even using them to death in the Last Run, as long it's him doing it. It's being dependent upon humans; he views providing for our basic survival needs as wasteful and inherently, exclusively parasitic, even if we're helping the Plants to survive in turn. Because it's humans that he's frightened of, and he wants the yucky things gone.

The thing is, when he's not being purposefully manipulative (though Vash is the only one he manipulates in person, probably because Vash is the only one he pays enough attention to for his tactics to be effective) he's being a dense fucking idiot. At very few points do his delusions intersect with reality.

The thing is, Knives is a known, proven, and entirely unrepentant liar. It's the logical extension of the way he gaslights Vash. He is in no way a trustworthy source of information.

All that he says is part of a heroic narrative about being the specialest boy evar that he came up with to avoid taking any blame or responsibility for the consequences of his actions. Knives considers himself perfect, but he's made plenty of mistakes, which I do think he would consider mistakes - among them Rem's death, alienating Vash, cutting off his arm and rendering him disabled, and what I suspect to be the large number of Plants killed in the Fall, along with the ones consumed by the Last Run in the desperation that followed.

So he tells himself... little stories. Inside his head. It's how he reconciles it. It's how he copes.

Basically, if you want to find any truth in anything Knives ever says, look closely at what he says, and believe the opposite.

Now, onto my girl and how completely fantastic she is.

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part VIII

Part IX

[gaily-daily-musings]

There's a man on the steps of his sanctum. He's been knocking for a while now and doesn't seem to be leaving. Stephen Strange frowns. He senses no extraordinary energy from this man. His clothes are plain and simple. The man is the exact sort of unassuming person you would expect to be a trap of some sort. 

“Doctor Strange!” The rapping comes again. There was an underlying sort of pleading, just west of desperation. This, if nothing else, made sense. One did not come to the Sanctum Sanctorum without cause. 

It is about thirty minutes after the man arrives that Stephen finally decides to let him in. Hopefully he didn't do too much damage. He opens the door and steps aside, inviting him in. The man does not look around in awe or wonder the way any other person would when visiting the sanctum for the first time. Instead the man locks eyes with Strange and holds his gaze. 

“My name is Mobius,” the man begins. “Thank you for seeing me. I know you're a busy–”

“Why are you here?” For half an hour Stephen had tried and failed to sense anything about the man. For all intents and purposes Mobius appeared normal both inside and out. Yet still something whispers in the air around him. 

"I want to get to the end of time."

He says it so seriously that Stephen gives a little laugh. “Can't help you I'm afraid.”

But Mobius shakes his head. “It's important. I need to talk to the God of Stories!”

It's this that stops him in his tracks. “The God of Stories?” The one who held the universe together? It was an old folk tale. A nursery rhyme. It wasn't real. Neither was the end of time for that matter. 

Mobius must see the doubt on his face for he continues. “He's real and I'm going to find him.”

It's the sheer determination in his gaze that makes Stephen pause. It was the same sort of determination he'd shown the Ancient One when he demanded she teach him how to use magic. He gives Mobius one last once over. The man had resolve he gave him that, but he was clearly also delusional. Ever since the world discovered aliens and magic were real they'd started to believe anything. Conspiracy theories had gotten more crazy with every year. 

“As I said before, I can't help you. I don't have time to chase down fairy tales.”

Mobius frowns, his stare burning in disappointment. “You're the Sorcerer Supreme. I should think you'd give a little more credence to fairy tales.”

Stephen clicks his tongue. “Be that as it may, you should probably run along now.”

He's entertained Mobius as long as he could. But he had an academy to look after; real people with real problems. 

Mobius gestures to his necklace where the Time Stone used to sit aside the Eye of Agamotto. "Why do you think it's green? Or was, I mean. The Time Stone?"

Stephen raises a brow. What an odd question. "Sometimes magicks take on a certain color. There isn't really a reason why. It just is.”

Mobius smiles gently, like Stephen is the one who doesn't understand anything. "The flow of time is why there is life. Without it we cannot exist. The branches of Yggdrasil are always producing more as the universe multiplies and expands. Time is life. Therefore it is green."

Stephen is silent a moment. It's a pretty sentimentality. But a sentimentality nonetheless. 

“It's alright. I won't bother you anymore, Doctor.” Mobius opens the door and steps out. “Thank you for your time.”

Stephen watches him climb down the front steps. He stands by the doorway, lingering. He's not quite sure what makes him pause. Mobius certainly wasn't the strangest character he's ever met. New York was full of odd people. 

He's about to close the door when he hears a loud screeching. Stephen looks back quickly. Mobius has stepped off the curb and is standing in front of a car headed right for him. Stephen opens his mouth to call out but its too late. Mobius moves, bracing for impact. He closes his eyes and covers his face. 

That's when Stephen sees it. A light flares up and surrounds him, wrapping Mobius up in a protective green layer. The car stops in its tracks as it crashes into the light.

After a moment, Mobius uncovers his head, realizing the danger had passed. He looks up and sees the dented car. He blinks in bewilderment. He then looks down at his undamaged body. He tests his chest and legs as if to make sure he was alright. Then he scratches his head. 

“Mobius!” Stephen appears beside him. Mobius jumps back. “How did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“That magic!”

“What magic?”

He truly had no idea did he? Stephen grabs Mobius by the arm and ushers him back inside. The car driver and bystanders all stare after them. 

“Whoah hey! Easy!” 

Stephen closes the door and whirls around to face Mobius. Without a word he throws up his hands and conjures an energy blast. Shocked, Mobius flinches back. Stephen unleashes the attack. It races towards Mobius as the man once again braces himself. And once again, just as it had before, the green light appears. 

This time it lingered. Long enough for Mobius to open his eyes and catch sight of it. Mobius stares in disbelief. He reaches out as if to touch it, but it dispels before he can. 

Stephen studies the green light as it swirls around and disappears. Mobius wasn't the one controlling it and yet it leapt to his aid. 

“It's a protection spell.” Stephen explains softly. That in of itself was curious enough. But what gives him caution is the signature of the magic itself. Stephen recognized that magic. He had seen it before. 

Loki. 

Mobius waves his hand in the air as if to summon it back. But the air remains stale. Of what significance was this man that Loki Laufeyson had cast such powerful spell? 

Stephen eyes Mobius again. He had missed something. “Who are you?” He asks again. 

Mobius turns to look at him. He offers a shrug. “Just a guy trying to find his friend.”

“And your friend, does he happen to be the Norse God of Mischief Loki?” 

Mobius smiles, his eyes sparkle with  mischief of their own. “The very one.”

[bbanghiitomi]

| milf (man i love fish moms)

synopsis: kim minji who works at a cafe develops a crush on a girl who she saw in a pet store, that girl is her neighbor — minji doesn't know.

— nonidol!kminji × nonidol!femreader

く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡

kim minji vividly remembers the memory of when she first saw you, it was in a pet store located near the apartment complex she lives in. it sat in the middle of two restaurants, one is a fast-food restaurant and another one is a cafe, where she works as a cashier. she remembers how you stared at the fishes with so much adoration, your eyes were wide — sparkling like you had the universe inside of them.

minji remembers standing there, wearing her uniform and having to slap herself back awake when she realized she's been staring at you for quite a long time. because why the fuck was she there staring down an innocent girl gawking over fishes in a tank instead of doing whatever job she had? she literally only went to the pet store to bring the owner a box.

minji felt like a weirdo, for a moment only.

then she started thinking of you more often, not realizing that you lived in the same apartment as she did, the same floor and all. it's not like minji liked making friends, yeah she's sociable and all but she hated dealing with landlords and annoying neighbors.

so the door next to her apartment was always ignored, she never really had gotten a chance to know who the person living inside was. minji only got to know pham hanni, the girl who lived on the lower floor. they were friends, they also took the same classes.

meanwhile, you were stuck inside your apartment, which turned out to be the apartment next to minji's. you lived quite a comfortable life, you were content with whatever you have today, there's no point in looking for more.

you work at home, study online — play video games, eat, walk around the house and then take care of your fish, sometimes stare at them with your mouth wide open, amazed.

there's nothing in this world that you love more than fish, you study about them, you watch videos about them — you are practically obsessed with fish and there's nothing changing you. you see these fishes as your own, you bought them all the things they need, spent money on corals and bigger tanks, oxygen and fillers.

whenever you can, you'd research about a new fish and you try to look for them around every pet store that exists near your place.

you also have a turtle in a separate tank, you named him sheldon — which your brother didn't quite like.

your life revolves around these things only, and you could never be thankful enough for it. you never see a space in your life for love life, it's always unavailable because you care about things that you have now more than what you wish for.

but sometimes, there are people who are not content with your life — like your mother!

she finds your fear of stepping out of your comfort zone a not-so-good thing, it may affect how you live for the next few years, your confidence and more, and one of the things she hates is a kid who is fearful.

"honey, when will you find a partner? i'm worried you're not able to take care of yourself alone there." your mother sighed, for a thousand times already. it gets tiring but you understand that she's just worried, i mean you have no other sources of happiness, you have no one to lean on when there are problems.

you never saw that as a problem, it gets hard yeah but it's all good, right?

"mom, thanks but look — i don't think it's the right time for that. i'm still young and i have a lot of things on my plate right now." you answered, the phone on your hand and the other is wiping the moss away from the tank, it's not necessary to do that but you want to see your kids better.

"but who will you talk to when we're not there? y/n, you need a shoulder to lean on. you need someone to share sentiments with, to care for. you need to create more relationships, it's good!" seriously, you love your mom but sometimes she can get a little pushy.

but she did have a point.

"I'll think about it." you replied, trying to fight the urge to sigh in defeat. you hear your mom hum, a sign that she's satisfied with your answer.

the next day, you find yourself inside a cafe, beside the pet shop you visit all the time. you sat at a table near the counter, scrolling away on your phone to a website showcasing various species of fishes.

to be quite frank, it is your first time visiting here — you never paid much attention to this place, you eat by ordering and making foods yourself at your place. you liked it that way, you hated engaging interaction the social anxiety just isn't good.

you found the strength to stand up and make an order to the counter and as you walk — a certain cashier has her eyes on you. minji felt a tension arising from her, as you got closer and closer, minji got more skittish. she doesn't understand why but when she made eye contact with you, her knees felt weak.

"good morning!" minji greeted you, with a gorgeous smile on her face. you blinked at her and tried to smile back, but you screamed mentally realizing it might have looked forced and awkward. "good morning." you greeted back.

"may i take your order?" your eyes shot at the menu on the screen above, darting at the selection of food and drinks. there's this familiar feeling in your stomach, the same feeling you get during a class presentation when you're about to present your work or when you know you fucked the exam up.

erm, what do i want again? you ask yourself.

finding it hard to choose and to speak, afraid you might make any mistake and forever embarrass yourself. you remembered this one technique your brother taught you.

he said: "if you ever find yourself stuck in front of a pretty cashier and suddenly forget the basics of how to order food, just say — hey what's your recommendation? it works!"

your brother knows damn well it doesn't, and you yourself knows that too. everyone knows your brother is an airhead, he probably thinks it does wonders to literally anyone, then again he managed to be in a relationship with someone.

but alas, you were desperate.

"hey miss, what do you recommend here?" you were quite surprised, it went out smoothly, you didn't stutter and was able to hold eye contact for more than five seconds. minji smiled and pushed strands of her hair behind her ear.

honestly, minji has her own favorites, she has a lot of recommendations in the menu — there is a lot of good stuff in here but… she looks at you and sees quite an expectant look on your face (in reality, it's just you looking constipated and wanting to cut this social interaction quickly).

"i guess kombucha and cinnamon rolls, i think you'll like them." minji stated, her gummy smile looked pleasant to your eyes and you loved her energy, weirdly enough you were able to calm yourself down. with a nod, you bowed your head. "thanks, i'll take them." after paying, you're first thought is to leave the counter but —

"what's your name?" the cashier asked. you raised your eyebrows, there's this awkward twitching on the corner of your lips — you let out an airy laugh. "uhm, y/n." you see minji writing it on a paper before giving the receipt to you.

god, that was hard.

minji smiled, she really cannot help it.

you went back to the seat you were at a few moments ago, then started contemplating about your life, wishing you were sitting in front of your fish tank so the thoughts go 'round your head faster. it's hard to concentrate here, there are too many people.

your phone vibrated in your pocket, you dug your hand in and pulled your phone out to a message from you mother.

mom (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

y/nnnn my daughter

i still remember what you told me

so, do you plan on meeting someone?

i am excited to hear about your thoughts

seen.

ah of course, your mom again. you knew she's not gonna give up that easily — but there was no way you can convince her, you've already kind of… promised her a positive answer so it's hard to turn back. at this rate, you'd have to get on with it, get a date or something.

mom (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

erm

hi mom

i need more time,

i promise!

i need to get to know people more

sent.

you clear your throat when you feel the waiter approach your table with your order. minji stood by the counter, watching over you with a smile on her face.

the easiest way to find the perfect match for you is either through an app (which you KNOW you would hate) or through a mutual friend, which would probably be a safer option rather than being abducted.

mom (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

well, i am expecting a good news by the end of this month

i know my amazing daughter would never disappoint ;)))

and plus i want you to be happy with someone

i can't stand you being alone there

seen.

well you are quite miserable, you wouldn't deny that but hey — you are trying! at least, that's the second best thing you can do for yourself.

mom (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

alright i know mom,

don't worry, you'll meet the perfect person by the end of the month

they'll love fish too

sent.

your mother's reply came soon after you sent your message and you can't help but sigh playfully.

mom (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

they better love fish!

my daughter can't be with someone who isn't willing to be a fish parent

>:(((

seen.

you still love your mom even if she's annoying.

when minji came back to her apartment, she didn't expect a visitor — which turned out to be her best friend; pham hanni. "hi bff! did you miss me?" hanni grinned at her friend, walking her way to the dining table and taking a cookie from the bowl.

minji rolled her eyes and smiled. "i see you everyday, pham."

hanni laughed and stood with her arms crossed.

"hey, remember when you used to complain about being lonely and sad?" hanni spoke, making her way to the living as minji went ahead of her. minji sighed and nodded. "oh yeah, i was drunk that time pham, forget it." minji responded, getting a scoff from hanni.

"just as i found a solution!" minji looked at hanni as they stood in the middle of the living room, her brow rising at the bold claim from hanni. "and what about it?" hanni pushed her friend lightly by the shoulder. "oh, don't act stupid! look, i'm setting you up on a date." hanni shrugged when minji looked at her with a "are you serious?" face — not forgetting the pout on her lips.

"and with who?" minji snarked.

hanni shook her head, raising her index finger and shaking it. "nuh-uh! can't tell, jihye said it's a secret." she proceeded to giggle over the mention of her girlfriend, which made minji fake a gag to mask her jealousy.

yeah, i definitely DON'T want a girlfriend for sure.

"thanks to your girlfriend i guess." minji sighed. she really wanted to bite the offer, but the fact that she's currently into someone else (which happened to be you) remains, how is she supposed to be there and act all interested?

that's gonna be harsh.

but then, it's not like she's gonna lose something.

"so? deal or no deal?" hanni nudged her friend. minji rolled her eyes playfully and said: "deal, gremlin."

and you found yourself fiddling g your fingers as you sat at a different restaurant that your friend, jihye reserved for you and your supposedly blind date.

you hope whoever that is jihye decided to set you up with wouldn't be an asshole, that's too much to ask for but hey — that has to be at least someone jihye knows of.

you were nervous, to say that you felt confident would be an understatement — you lowkey wished the restaurant had a tank with fish for you to stare at, but all they have here is a tank of lobsters that are on their life sentences, to be served as a dish.

this isn't good. you told yourself, feeling the same bubbling feeling inside you.

"hey," your head turns and you see a familiar face.

minji?

minji!

or to you, is the cashier from the cafe.

"y/n?" she muttered, looking at you. your eyes twitched, but gave her a small and shy smile.

a part of you is thankful it was her, rather than anybody else it had to be that pretty cashier from the cafe.

minji was happy, rejoicing inside her head when you stretched a hand at her.

"l/n y/n." you cracked a smile, this time it felt natural. minji chuckled a little, feeling her face burning up with the sensation of your palms on hers, the soft skin rubbing on her calloused one.

"i'm kim minji."

then all your worries were washed away when minji helped you get through the conversation, you liked her caring personality. it seems like she finds it easy reading people's moods and is able to choose her words very well.

you liked that.

you like her enough to let this little date be more than just a one time thing.

"i study marine biology! i like the water and i used to live near a shore at busan. i have a lot of pet fish and a turtle named sheldon." you watched as she listened attentively, her eyes darting at your face and to your lips — you like that, her way of showing interest. you like it when people care about what you say.

minji doesn't really care about fish, but she cares about the ocean, hello? — she was the one who suggested the use of papers in their cafe.

but it wasn't as intense as your interest, you seemed deep in the ocean studies (no pun intended, really). it didn't bother minji, as long as a pretty girl gets to say what she wants, minji's fine with that.

"that's cool! you know marine and like bodies of water are interesting." minji sees the glimmer in your eyes, it's like the skies at night are nothing compared to the blinding light in your pupils. you nod at her. "i want to say more, but there's not much time left. if you want, here's my number. i can invite you to my place anytime you're free." you passed her a card, it's your phone number.

minji looked up at you with flushed cheeks, you looked down and laughed softly.

when you got back home, the first thing you did was get your phone and message your friend.

mo jihye U⁠ ⁠´⁠꓃⁠ ⁠`⁠ ⁠U

hey

it was great

it went soo well

thanks

sent.

then your mom, you think of minji with a smile — feeling the excitement rush inside of you.

mom (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

moommmm

i think i will be able to introduce you to someone

don't get too excited but,

she's great!

she likes the ocean too

sent.

your phone vibrated to messages of your mom, jihye then an unknown number.

mo jihye U⁠ ⁠´⁠꓃⁠ ⁠`⁠ ⁠U

oh my god???

really??

you like minji???

that sauurrrr amazing!

seen.

you laughed, kicking your feet by the edge of your bed.

mo jihye U⁠ ⁠´⁠꓃⁠ ⁠`⁠ ⁠U

i get it now,

i'll invite her idk when but i will

sent.

you scroll through the messages.

mom (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

oh that's amazing!

i can't wait to meet her!

is she pretty?

does she have a job?

what's her hobby?

seen.

you decided to check out the unknown number.

unknown number

hey,

this is minji

;))

what's up?

seen.

you couldn't help but giggle; it's such a weird feeling but it's nice and you don't mind it.

minji ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ

all good

thanks for earlier,

you're so fun

hehe

sent.

mom (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

that's way too many questions

still getting to know her more!

but we'll get there

just wait :D

sent.

you keep thinking about minji, it's too fast you think? but she's got that vibes, as long as she doesn't plan on murdering you, you believe it's going to be well. she's interested, and so are you — it's not gonna be that bad, right?

there's still doubt but it's not that bad to indulge yourself for a while, you hate second guessing and you like going for what you want.

minji ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ

nah, thank you too

hey, can't wait to hear more from you ;))

let's see each other often :pp

nice to meet you.

seen.

oh how fast you two have been, but that doesn't matter. you were ready to invite her over to your place, and she was ready to accept it — making sure she guessed a date you'll give her an invite, making sure it's free.

you plan on giving her an invite today, though the both of you have no idea where each other lives — still, it's quite crazy right? you are starting to realize that it's not just liking, or interest, you are fond of her now and it's going to be hard to ignore the way she makes your mind go crazy.

the last time you felt this frenzy was when you first got your fish tank.

her smile, her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her hands, and her lips. minji is a dream, the type of dream you get in a deep slumber. meanwhile, minji loves you — already, it's a foolish thing to say but she really couldn't get enough, the way her heart gets crazy when you're near. the circuit of electricity running inside her veins your hands touch, your lips look magnetic.

she's desperate for more.

"just finished your shift?" you asked her, your finger twirling on the strand of your hair, the other hand on your phone, pressed to your cheek— you laid on your back, your weight pressed on the soft mattress of your bed. you tried to fight a smile, but the sound of her breath takes you away. "yeah, about to go home actually." she responded. you can hear shuffling from the other line and figured it might be her packing up her stuff.

"can i tell you something?" you asked her, minji raised her brows and stopped from what she was doing. "yeah?"

"can you come over here to my place? whenever you're free." minji felt herself frozen, she looked around the room to see if anyone was there, took a peek behind the wall before smiling from ear to ear. "yes, i don't mind tomorrow." you smiled, practically trying your best to fight the urge not to roll over your bed and fall.

"o-oh, yes! i'll send you my address."

minji chuckled and nodded. "alright."

here's the thing, as minji was walking her way back to the apartment complex, you were inside your apartment — the door next to hers, she doesn't know it's you of course, and you don't know it's her next door. minji walked past your door and stopped in front of hers, then her eyes darted to the door of your apartment.

i wonder who lives here.

must be an old woman or something.

minji then entered her apartment and received a message from you.

minji ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ

hey,

this is my address

×××× bldg. 3rd floor - ××××

see you!

sent.

minji placed her bag on the couch and read your message, her eyes checked if she saw it correctly.

the same building, the same location, the same floor — minji rushed outside of her door and then to your door, there's a number plate, exactly like what you sent her.

minji took a deep breath, then she knocked.

you were staring at your fish tank, heard the door knocking and wondered who it might be, it's not like you had any conversations with the person living next door nor knew anyone in this apartment complex.

as you opened the door, you were greeted by a not-so-much taller girl, your eyes met hers and you were taken back. "minji?" you peek outside your door and back to minji who smiled. "why are you here already?" you asked, with actual confusion in your voice.

minji chuckled and pointed to the apartment next to yours. "i live there. i just found out you live here too." she spoke with that deep voice of hers, sending chills to your spine.

you laughed. "oh my god." you put a hand on your face and stared at minji, her eyes looked so… cute today? you don't know, but you really think it's a precious sight to look at and get yourself lost in, the same feeling you get when you stare at your pets. then you can't help but smile wider, a blush painting your cheeks pink.

your mom will love minji, you'll make sure of it.

minji laughed, her eyes turned crescents, her cheeks flaring red and the tip of her ears are a thousand shades of red. it's music to your ears, you've never felt this happy with a person ever before, you just realized. it's like everything momentarily stops, but you are hyper aware of your surroundings, minji's presence and all — even the loud thumping your heartbeat resonating with hers.

you want to touch her hand, feel her warmth on yours.

"i like you already." minji muttered, her smile never fading. you tried to contain a squeal, something you really never expected.

"me too, i think. i like you too minji."

[aziraphales-library]

Hello!! I love this blog, and thank you so much for doing this!!

I was wondering if you know any fics where people try to set them up?

Hi! We have a #matchmaking tag you can check out. Here are some more to add...

Oblivious by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

“Mr. Crowley and Mr. Fell had been truly baffling to watch all evening, often trading jabs about weather and horses and philosophy before stalking away to different corners. And yet they orbited each other, never staying apart for long, always drawn back together. Phoebe had never seen two people so desperately in love and yet so oblivious to it.”

Love is Blind (Tied Up and Gagged) by RoseDoesFanfiction (G)

"What-” Crowley starts, cutting himself off as he tries to make sense of the scene he’s currently observing. His mouth hangs open around the choke of inarticulate sentiments—mostly ardent confusion—he doesn’t have the words to voice. A shaky breath steadies his nerves as he slumps down upon the edge of his bed. From what he can see, Gabriel and Beelzlebub have kidnapped Aziraphale. He would laugh if it wasn’t so achingly tragic. “He was miserable,” Gabriel explains simply. (Or the one where it takes a minor kidnapping to get them to actually sit down and TALK for someone's sake.) Post Season 2 fix-it.

7 minutes in heaven by waddlesthejoghog (T)

"If Crowley and Aziraphale couldn’t figure it out, Muriel would have to take a different approach. It wasn’t enough to put them in the same location. They had to plant some seeds of conversation. They had to come to a conclusion naturally, but with a push." OR Muriel reads every book in the shop, then comes up with a plan to get Aziraphale and Crowley back together.

seven minutes in somewhere by whicorzoo (T)

In which Aziraphale Fell, in his last year at Eden High School, has had a long-standing, unyielding crush on Anthony Crowley that leaves him a flushing, stuttering mess at the other boy’s mere mention. Because of his affliction, he’s vowed to never speak with Crowley to avoid the inevitable and soul-crushing embarrassment that would surely follow. It’s not as if he’s really risking anything this way, anyways; Crowley likely doesn’t even know he exists. His scheming-but-well-intentioned best friend Anathema, a pantry, and a game of seven minutes in heaven aim to break that vow.

Muriel's Arrow by marsnack (T)

After waiting thousands of years Muriel is finally given their first mission on earth. To make humans fall in love. Only one problem. Or several, actually. Muriel isn't all too good at matchmaking. And Hell, for some unknown reason, really wants to steal Cupid's Bow. And er, the Instruction Manual heaven provided Muriel is a little... outdated When Muriel shoots Crowley with Cupid's Arrow, Aziraphale is desperate to find a way to reverse it. But Crowley is acting differently than everyone else who was shot by the bow. Perhaps it was because he's a demon. Or was there another reason?

The Whispers of The Moon by comicallybadwriter (M)

“Aziraphale, for the eleventh time we have enough wine!” Crowley groaned and leant across the bookshop door, waiting as impatiently as one could for their best platonic friend of 6000 years to finally finish packing a picnic basket for a night of looking at the stars. “Angel,” Crowley stepped into the kitchen and took Aziraphale’s hands in his own, “Anything you’re missing right now, I’ll miracle up in the snap of my finger. Literally.” Crowley raised an eyebrow and snapped his fingers for show when a tartan ribbon had fallen into his hands suddenly. The angel picked up the ribbon softly and turned it around in his hands, making Crowley pink in the face, “Sssorry Angel let me-” "Turn around dear." ::: Aziraphale and Crowley are finally left alone, but where there's a demon and angel, there's drama. What could possibly be worse than the end of the world? Well, a lovesick demon struggling to cope with the evergrowing need and want for their neighbouring angel could do some damage.

- Mod D

[dizzymoods]

one of the the things that black liberals do is erase/whitewash not only Black reds (Langston Hughes, Assata Shakur, BPP, Henry Winston, Claudia Jones etc) but also the work nonBlack communists did.

Like today i found a pdf of Ho Chi Minh’s writings. In 1924 he opens his essay “Lynching” with

It is a well known fact that the black race is the most oppressed and most exploited of the human family

He also has an essay in the same year examining the resurgence of the Klan! Literally just now found a collection of writings on race he did I'm gonna read tomorrow

I didn’t know until late last year that Marx organized with english workers against the crown intervening on behalf of the Confederacy during the Civil War (to help its own textile industry), a turn which would likely have changed the tide of emancipation. Famously Marx says that as long as long as Black people are bonded in slavery that no worker can be free.

But! Also, Black liberals don’t ever talk about how our interest in communism and therefore anti-imperialism paved the way for the civil rights movement.

Attorney General McGraney brief to the Supreme Court for Brown v Board had the following:

It is in the context of the present world struggle between freedom and tyranny that the problem of racial discrimination must be viewed. The United States is trying to prove to the people of the world, of every nationality, race, and color, that a free democracy is the most civilized and most secure form of government yet devised by man. We must set an example for others by showing firm determination to remove existing flaws in our democracy. The existence of discrimination against minority groups in the United States has an adverse effect upon our relations with other countries. Racial discrimination furnishes grist for the Communist propaganda mills, and it raises doubts even among friendly nations as to the intensity of our devotion to the democratic faith.

a sentiment Baldwin would describe a decade later in The Fire Next Time.

Anyway earlier today I was reading Losurdo's lecture on Western Marxism (in the appendix of his newly translated book on the subject) and he spends a bit of time talking about how Eastern Marxists talked about Black Americans. Did you know Robert F. Williams (author of Negroes with Guns) met with Chairman Mao?

The more I read (about) communists the more apparent that the liberal race mongering that "communists don't think, theorize, or work for the Black struggle" is a big fucking lie. Remember folks the Klan are anticommunists for a reason:

[rawbutprecious]

continued from x for @pyramultimuse

The bookshop looked vastly different since Aziraphale one saw it, with creeping ivy growing up the brick walls so much that it made the building look more like a hedge than an actual building with just the windows and doorway the only thing the green starshaped leaves didn't cover. It wasn't much of a bookshop any more, now it was Anthony J Crowley's garden shop specializing in the rare and bizarre. The books were still there, he was too sentimental to get rid of any of it. All of what the angel had left behind was moved up to the second floor when he knew Aziraphale wouldn't be returning.

It had been difficult for Crowley in the start. He had kept his feelings bottled up for centuries, when he finally did open up his angel chose to leave him behind. The pain had been immeasurable and left him bitter and broken. But he couldn't wallow in depression, he had to move on. Crowley tried his best atleast, kept himself busy doing a bit of demonic work but mostly tended to his 'slice of eden' that he had set up on the lower floor of the shop. It was a beautiful, many colorful and lush plants on shelves, tables and some hanging in the window. All perfect.

The demon was going around spritzing the plants with water when something caught his attention outside. He looked out the window to see Aziraphale standing out on the street. Only pausing a moment then went back to tending to his plants, shaking his head. It wasn't the first time his mind played tricks on him and believed this was just another one of those times.

Aziraphale could not for the life of him figure out why he stood there. What exactly was this place. It was so noisy and crowded with hubub happening here, there and everywhere. Was a foreign place. it had been long enough that Aziraphale had started to forget what Earthly existence was like. The more he stood there the more he realized there were gaps in his thoughts. Bits and pieces of memories flickered through his mind. He knew he was an angel. He knew his name was Aziraphale. He knew a demon named Crowley. That was about it. He could not figure out how all that connected or why it connected. He just knew those things went together.

The vehicles honked at him. People waved and cursed and gave the middle finger. He tried to wave and smile in return, but it only seemed to anger them more. What was he to do? What was he supposed to do? He found himself completely lost in attempts to figure out what ought to be done and what had happened? He knew he left Heaven and he figured that the angels might be quite angry with him. He was in charge up there, after there (at least he assumed he had been). He also had a feeling he'd been privy to something very important but what exactly was had wiped itself away. It felt as if his memories were just being pulled from him like fish being plucked from water.

A vaguely familiar face passed him by. She stared at him with shock and then she ran away before he could say anything. He did not know who she was or how he knew her, but she had a face that stirred a memory. How curious. He wanted to follow but he found the cars, the noise the people, the vague memories, the scents, and the smells all too overwhelming so the angel just watched as the woman entered the familiar spot.

"Crowley!" she barked while throwing open the door. Nina had been heading to her shop to open it up for the day when she'd seen Aziraphale just standing in one spot. She had not seen him in years and had not expected to run into him ever again. His presence must mean there is trouble. "Did you know your Angel friend is standing in the middle of the road? Mr. Fell is just gawking. Not moving. Not doing anything. The last time this happened was when his Naked Friend trotted down the road with a box and it did not end up well. Don't think I've forgotten those Zombies. But I digress. I think we have a problem."

[cardentist]

Context: [Link] (highly recommend reading even if it’s long) I debated where I should put this, but with the length of this post I want to put @nothorses master post about transandrophobia right at the top [Link] if this post is too lengthy for you or you'd like to read more after chewing on this then I Implore you to open that link and hold onto it.

I don't want to call out this person in particular, I'm certain they don't mean any harm by it and it's not within our best interests to pick fights with people who have (in this commenter's words) Nearly all of the same beliefs with some minor squabbles who are willing to support each other anyways.

but it's exactly Because I'm certain this person means well that frustrates me.

years ago I would've said something along the lines of "this is no different from saying 'I'm not homophobic because I'm not afraid of gay people.'" that it's nitpicking Accurate terminology by breaking it into pieces and judging the words its made up of individually when they're obviously intended to be seen as a whole. trans Men face oppression for being trans Men in a way that cis men do not, just like trans Women face oppression for being trans Women in a way that cis women do not.

but that was a long time ago, the perspective has changed.

"trans men can't have this term because it's too close to affirming cishet white men when they say that they're oppressed for being men" was a talking point back when "transmisandry" was the terminology that was landed on. and while my thought process about that was the same I Understood the kneejerk reaction. because there Was a concerted effort by certain cishet weirdos to make "misandry" a term that made them systematically oppressed by women, and more specifically was used to Deny the existence of misogyny (very ironically from how they acted).

(that said, I have my own reasons for liking that term even if I do see the problems with it, I understand why it was chosen at the time. which I get into here [Link])

"transandrophobia" was coined Specifically to avoid that connotation, to Denounce the association and address that frankly (on the surface) Reasonable kneejerk reaction while still being recognizable and serving the same purpose.

but the talking point about it remained Exactly The Same, completely unchanged despite the change in association. because the point was never About it evoking something unpleasant (though that certainly helped with swaying bystanders in the conversation) it was about the absolute refusal to believe in the concept of people being hated For their manhood. in masculinity intersecting with oppression More than just as a neutral trait.

now, what I'm Not going to say is that the concept of androphobia is a systemic oppression that's upheld by the majority or any governmental body. not mine and certainly not any that I've heard of. but I will Also say that conflating the Recognition of a sentiment that real people express With systemic oppression is not only unhelpful (there's a lot of things that aren't systemic but still matter) but has Also been used to gate keep minorities by exclusionist groups Plenty of times before.

such as when people stopped being able to insist that asexuals don't experience trauma for being asexual At All and instead insisted that it wasn't Systematic and therefore they didn't belong in the queer community. no amount of studies, no amount of personal accounts, no examining of actual law and actual acts of oppression from governing bodies or places of work would sway them. because as long as they could say "It's Not Systemic" they could dismiss it out of hand. when, really, even if they were right it shouldn't matter. if someone experiences trauma they deserve to have the source of that trauma taken seriously no matter the underlying cause. they shouldn't have to Prove that it's important enough to justify caring about.

but to get to my point 9 paragraphs in from where we started, the idea that anti-masculinity or androphobia or anti-man sentiment or Whatever you want to call it Doesn't Exist is pretty ridiculous coming from within the trans community for Several Reasons.

terfs hate trans women because they're transphobic, but they Also hate trans women because they're radfems. a core tenant of radfem ideology Is The Demonization Of Men And Of Masculinity. they think trans women are dangerous Because They See Them As Men Trying To Infiltrate Women's Spaces. and Yes that is obviously transphobia, but the way they talk about trans women is Not magically disconnected from their view of manhood or masculinity or Men As A Group. though Undoubtedly they will side with cis men if it gives them the opportunity to attack trans women, in part because it Is that intersection of Both anti-man sentiments And transphobia And misogyny that has them frothing at the mouth to hate trans women.

(see this: [Link] for a more in depth discussion on radfem ideology as a whole)

and the thing is, someone might be tempted to say "well their hatred of masculinity is Obviously tied to trans women, so there's no point in acknowledging it as anything But transmisogyny." and in fact, that's not a hypothetical at all, it's the default relationship people have with this concept.

but this mindset affects everyone, Especially otherwise marginalized groups.

radfems seeing men as Inherently And Biologically Violent, as rapists and unthinking monsters, Absolutely And Undeniably affects how they treat people of color (Especially black people). white women stalking black men and calling the cops on them because they see their existence as Dangerous has been a Thing for as long as cops have existed (it's the Reason that cops exist) and has been Documented as a current issue in the wake of black lives matter and the murder of black men by the cops. it is an attempt from white women to have black men murdered, to cause violence to them without having to physically implicate themselves, all while using the perception of themselves as inherent victims (small and docile and innocent) with the perception of black men as monsters.

and it Should go without saying, but this Obviously Is Not Saying that black men inherently have it worse than black women. recognizing the oppression of one demographic within an oppressed group Should Not Inherently Mean pitting them against other demographics within that same group. we should just be allowed to point out an experience that some people can have and let that be a neutral (if important) statement. the things black women go through because of Their intersection of racism and misogyny are well and truly Horrific, I certainly don't need to prove that.

and In Fact, black women are victims of that Same intersection of racism and androphobia that we see both from terfs and from white people everywhere. because "womanhood" Almost Without Question means "White womanhood," to have black traits (or to have Non-White traits) is to be closer to masculinity in the eyes of racists.

when terfs post a picture of a cis woman and harass and mock them for Clearly being a trans woman who will Never fool anybody it's universally because the woman in the picture has traits that aren't traditionally upheld as the standard for white women. it's misogyny, it's androphobia, it's transphobia, it's racism. because these ideas Aren't Inherently Separate. they Build on each other and they affect Everybody, because people who think this way don't just turn it on and off like a switch when they're attacking the "intended" target.

and All of these ideas come together and inform the situation with trans men, both on this issue specifically and As A Whole.

just the same as we see that intersection of transphobia and misogyny and androphobia with how trans women are treated (combined, of course, with other relevant aspects of an individual) we see much the same with trans men.

the difference is that people inherently Recognize that what's happening to trans women is more than Just ideas of transphobia (more than Just wanting people to stay the gender that they were assigned at birth), but they recognize Only the misogyny aspect. so when the same conversation is turned onto trans men people don't know what to do with it, Especially when combined with the (unfortunately common) denial that trans men experience Misogyny either.

that complex web of interlocking concepts, and in some cases the Idea Of intersectionality At All, are Denied to trans men. who are then minimized For the perceived lack in complexity (in their oppression, in their identities, and in their lived experiences).

"why not just call it anti-transmasc sentiment then? people might take it more seriously." even Ignoring Everything I've mentioned so far, the Reason I'm not happy with this is because trans men Are attacked (harassed, oppressed, however you want to phrase it) Specifically For Their Identities As Men. and as much as I Also want to establish that behavior and sentiment As stemming from transphobia, I Also don't think we benefit by erasing or softening that idea to make it more palatable to people who don't want to believe it.

this was a response I got to that post I linked at the very top of this essay. I trust that anyone reaching this point has an idea of how silly this is in context, if they haven't read that context themselves. and in fact I wasn't going to acknowledge it at all (I only have this image on hand because I took it to have a laugh with friends). but it's a Convenient and Simple illustration of this exact issue.

the hatred of trans men in trans, queer, and activist spaces is informed and Justified by the hatred of men as a whole. because If you can convince people that trans men are Inherently a privileged group you can justify presenting anything they do as attacking those less privileged than them.

Men are violent, Men shout down women, Men are misogynists, and so a trans man pointing out the existence of his own oppression while actively acknowledging the oppression of nonbinary people and trans women (Only making the point that it's unhelpful to try to quantify this oppression as a tier list and use that to inform how you treat individual people) that trans man is Actually just a Typical Violent Man Exerting His Privilege To Oppress Poor Women.

it's, very ironically, a silencing tactic to avoid addressing the oppression of a minority group to the benefit of the person doing it.

a trans man's manhood is a weapon that is Constantly used against him, and I Might (Might) be willing to call that "anti-trans masc sentiment" if I didn't know where it Stemmed from.

the relationship between radfems and the queer community is, to understate it, Fraught.

for most people who consider themselves to be trans allies, it's Easy to see that terfs are, you know, Bad. to understand that they're a transphobic group and Therefore dangerous. but by-and-large that'd Main and Only thing that that's understood about them.

and to an extent, that's because people believe that that understanding is Enough. that it's Enough to dismiss it out of hand and refuse to look at or Think about what terfs have to say. which is Understandable.

the issue is that no matter how much they Believe that terfs are bad and wrong, they're Still Vulnerable to being influenced by radfem ideology, talking points, and Active Intentional Manipulation if they don't actually know the Details of what it is they believe and how to spot them.

as a Very basic example, people who Believe "terfs are bad because they hate trans people" but Don't understand "radfems are bad because equate men and masculinity as being Inherent Violent and therefore inherently harmful to women" can see something like "men don't belong in women's spaces" and Not Understand that something they may be genuinely trying to consider or understand Is Radfem Rhetoric.

that specific example is, at this point, commonly understood as a terf dog whistle. but it's largely Only understood as a stand in for trans women and called out as transmisogyny.

which is a problem when, say, someone looks at a trans man talking about his experiences is oppression and trauma and says "this Man is shouting down women! this Man is being misogynistic and stealing spaces away from women! this Man doesn't Belong!" and Not Understand That It's The Same Idea. Because the person being targeted Isn't being misgendered (Most of the time), the exact Same silencing and othering tactic is used Effective against trans mascs while not being Recognized as that At All by the majority group.

sometimes these things happen because people passively absorb radfem rhetoric, integrate into their own way of thinking, and then use it against other minority groups without understanding what they're doing. sometimes this is done Very Intentionally by terfs trying to spread their own ideology and break up and cause rifts between groups.

this is not a hypothetical, this is Repeating History that we see over and over again with exclusionists in queer spaces. masterposts at the time had Dedicated Segments talking about the ways these groups shared ideas between each other, between radfems, even when the individuals Don't hate the same people [Link 1, Link 2]

there were Documented Instances of terfs Admitting that they had secret aphobe accounts that they were using to try to indoctrinate ace and aro exclusionists into their beliefs. there's documented instances of terfs admitting that they got to that point By Being indoctrinated through ace and aro exclusionist beliefs and talking points. we had terfs Openly comparing their ideologies to exclusionists Explicitly to recruit them. [Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, Link 4, Link 5]

Because if you're Willing to accept that these ideas Are True, that the Logic that terf ideology is based on is Sound, then you're More Likely to accept when that same logic is pointed at another group. they target people that you're more willing to hate to pull you into their beliefs entirely.

and some people will go on never hating trans people (or never hating trans Women or trans Men or Nonbinary People or Binary Trans People, whatever the particular poison they're drinking), but it doesn't suddenly become Okay when radfem ideology is being used to hurt groups that aren't common sense associated with it.

what's more, these exclusionists groups Hated when you pointed out that connection. would spit and yell and call you bigoted for Daring to make the connection, even when (at it's peak and Most Ridiculous) they were quite literally taking posts originally written by terfs and replacing "trans women" with "ace people." Word For Word. which means it Never got addressed, no matter who pointed it out or how obviously wide spread it was.

and it's Tiring to have to say "if you can't care about how this affects trans men then at Least consider how perpetuating this idea puts trans women in danger" But It's True.

if you let people perpetuate the idea that trans men are Violent, that they're Oppressive, that they don't Deserve to have their own spaces, that they Inherently talk over and erase other oppressed groups by talking about their own issues and asking for compassion, if you Let people say "this group of trans people is Inherently Lesser" Because They Are Men, Because Of Their Closeness To Masculinity, Because Testosterone Or Maleness Is Inherently Corrupting

the jump between Which trans group you think of this way is not as difficult as one would hope. and if we're Never able to address it for what it is, address it As radfem driven androphobia And transphobia And exclusionism then we're going to Keep creating spaces where people are vulnerable to indoctrination. to radfems, to terfs, to exclusionists, to Extremist Reactionary groups of all kinds.

and beyond all of That, as alarming and Important as it may be, it's Also worth noting that radfems (and even Terfs Specifically) Do use androphobia against trans men, even as they force feminine labels on them.

Yes there are the obvious direction that terf oppression of trans men takes. treating them like confused women and trying to indoctrinate and detransition them to Save them or Fix them (which, in itself, is a type of violence). and there's the Resentment of "the frigid uncaring woman trying to identify out of her oppression to instead oppress other women," which isn't a sentiment totally Removed from the issue with how trans mascs can be treated in queer spaces (quite the opposite really, punishing trans men for daring to Be men by equating them with privilege and thus treating them as both an outsider and a threat).

but there Are instances of terfs treating trans men as outright Predatory. as a threat to Them and as a threat to the "poor confused women" that get "manipulated" into "the trans cult" by the trans men they Couldn't indoctrinate.

trans men are vulnerable little girls that are too stupid to know what's good for them and have to be converted Saved, they're the poor lesbians being stolen away from the beds of Deserving radfems women, up until they're Too masculine. until they have beards, until their voices are deep, until they stop wearing makeup, until they're balding or their waste changes or or or-

then they've Mutilated Their Bodies, then they're Frightening, then they're Aggressive and Invasive and Need To Be Dealt With, then they're Ugly Men even as radfems try to deny it.

the feminine trans man is a mark, he's a damsel in distress that radfems want to isolate and indoctrinate. the masculine trans man is Frankenstein's Monster, he's an ugly brutalized image of masculinity, the picture of what radfems hate othered away from what they're a Picture Of by radfems' transphobia. Uncanny and hated just the same.

this isn't "worse" than what terfs do trans women, it's not "better" either, It's The Same, It's The Same.

transphobia, misogyny, and androphobia in a Melting Pot to create a horrific buffet of oppression and abuse. manifesting Differently in different situations and between different people, and yet Fundamentally Connected through the beliefs and ideologies at play.

taking away one of these terms used to Describe this phenomenon doesn't Help, it obfuscates the fact that these things Are connected. which Worsens our ability to Understand them and Address them.

these ideas are Important, not just for trans men but for All Of Us.

and while I'm here, I'd like to address the Other issue I have with proposed alternatives like "anti-trans masc sentiment," Even when proposed in good faith.

if we were to go back and reexamine the terminology for the queer community as a whole and assess if these terms are the most Efficient they possibly could be, would we change them? would we stop using a term like "homophobia" if softening it could make it more palatable? make it easier to introduce the concept to people on the fence? make it easier to ask people to address their own biases without alienating them? if we did away with terms like "internalized homophobia" and instead asked people to address their "complex relationship with gayness" would we be able to get More people to listen?

maybe we could, Maybe softening the term would instead lead to people taking these ideas Less seriously exactly Because it's less direct, Because it's soft, Because it deliberately seeks to Not draw a reaction from a reader. I genuinely couldn't say how this would play out in practice, though we'd probably see both reactions to a degree and thus endless discourse about its effectiveness as a term.

but that's ultimately overshadowed by the Bigger Picture (though, more accurately I could say that it also Informs that bigger picture).

and that's Unity. Cohesion. Communication. Community.

the point of creating terms like this is, of course, in part to give minority groups the vocabulary and perspective necessary to convey their experiences to people outside of said group. and this purpose is endlessly important of course.

but More than that it gives a Community the ability to open a conversation with each other, to take their experiences as Individuals and create a melting pot where they can get a bigger picture of what We As A Group, As A Community, Experience.

this is completely invaluable in every way. it's what allows people to find each other, to know they aren't alone. it allows people to move conversations forward, to unravel complex ideas in a way that Can Acknowledge a vast array of often conflicting and yet Connected experiences. to be able to Build a community together, when lacking a physical space to inhabit, we need Words to connect us. both in passing as neighbors and to Find as Strangers.

when you take a community that already has established terms and you try to popularize an alternative, Especially while encouraging people to Stop using the previous terms, you Split Up that line of communication. people who congregate around one term Won't be in conversation with people who congregate around another, which inhibits the community's ability to grow and deepen.

people who Dislike a term (because it's trying to take something away from them, because they've been told that it's morally reprehensible) Won't engage with it, so posts that are tagged with Only that term will not be found. and even If that term is (unrealistically) universally adopted over time There Will Be A Period where people are simply ignorant of it.

and this is Very Much So used as a weapon by people who Don't want these communities to unify. who Don't want them to talk to each other and Get Ideas. and the smaller, more tentative, less supported a group and term is the more Vulnerable they are to this tactic.

this was and Is used Regularly by exclusionists, though I'm most familiar with how it was used by ace and aro exclusionists Specifically.

they would argue Endlessly about how Anything the ace and aro groups coined for themselves was Bigoted Actually. "aphobe" was attacked by Insisting that it was a term used by autistic people to describe their oppression (a lie, and a ridiculous one at that. there's nothing bigoted about the same term being used for multiple purposes). and "Allo" faced An Endless Barrage of never Ever accepting any term, no alternative, because They Didn't Want Ace People To Be Able To Define The Group That Oppressed Them, because they didn't Believe in that oppression.

Exactly in the same way that transphobes tried to argue that "cis" was really an acronym for something bigoted and so "cis" should be abolished as a term. Exactly in the same way that people argue that "transandrophobia" is offensive Specifically Because they don't believe that trans men are oppressed for being Trans Men.

the point is that they will never accept a replacement term, no matter what. if there Isn't an issue with it (by coincidence or from a certain angle) they will lie to invent one. it's Already Happened with transadrophobia being the intended replacement for transmisandry.

because the Point is double. First to break up the intended target community to hinder conversation around an idea that you don't want to exist, to make it harder and harder for it to be found and (by extension) Understood and expanded upon. and Second to prevent communities from being able to solidify In The First Place.

this wasn't the only tactic that was used to hurt ace and aro people, but it Can't Be Denied that the affect that it had as a whole was devastating. it's been Years since this whole thing started, since it died down even, and the ace and aro communities have yet to recover.

it's Easy to fall into the trap and say "well if we just get the term Right this time then it'll be okay ! if we Fix It then they'll stop!" but it Is exactly a trap. the point of phrasing it like this, of making it about bigotry or about the term being Problematic, is Both intended to demonize the group for having the Audacity to create a term for themselves at All, And to take advantage of well meaning people within the targeted community to do the leg work for them.

it's about silencing, it's about destabilization, it's about Breaking Apart communities so they can't Grow.

"Meet me halfway," they say. you take a step forward, they take a step back. "Meet me halfway," they say.

[edenfenixblogs]

Love you all (personal)

Leaving my phone in another room for awhile. I'm not ignoring any of you, and I have seen and will respond to all your EXTREMELY KIND messages, even if it takes awhile.

I was attempting to take a break from all this over the course of the week, because I felt myself growing weary and needed a recharge. Then my ceiling collapsed in heavy rain and I had to turn off my "Work Hours Focus" setting on my phone. It was supposed to silence all notifications and alerts from non-work and non-family phone numbers and block all non-work apps.

LOL...not really possible to have that setting on when coordinating with a bunch HVAC/Roofer dudes I've never met before.

But still. Jewish law commands us to find joy somewhere even when we're miserable. And while I know that is a sentiment that does not work for a lot of people, it has always been helpful to me.

So, despite all this, I am grateful for the shift in my plans this week for several reasons.

I'm grateful we were able to band together to help @rabid-catboy with an actual urgent issue. It feels very good to do something that you know helps someone. If my phone was in work mode I never would have seen this message in time to do anything about it. I had a similar experience in high school and I still think about it often. I get upset at how much was being asked of me and how much I was expected to know so that I could educate my peers and educators to do better. I didn't have the words to describe why something was so upsetting to me and why I know that it was wrong. Years later, I found the words and was so angry that I was expected to have them even when I was a child. It's an unfair burden, and I'll always be grateful that, even though I didn't find the words in time, I could help someone else find their words.

I am glad to have seen how active allies have been over the past week. I'm pretty emotionally drained by this all the time, so I may not say it as clearly or as often as I should, butt you give me hope. I am not used to relying on other or sharing my grief. It's actually a big problem. I don't tell people when I'm upset, because I'm afraid to inconvenience people or seem dramatic. that's part of the reason I struggled through undiagnosed PTSD for 13 years before reaching out for help. With the help of my BFF and my therapist, I chose to start being more open about my emotions with people. It's been a mixed bag. The people I knew would be here for me have continued to be here for me, thank goodness! But all (except 1) of the people I THOUGHT I could trust have simply stopped interacting with me at all. And I'm a lot less pushy/aggressive/vocal about all his suff IRL than I am when I have time to compose my thoughts and answer questions on here. It's been cataclysmic and devastating. To see so many people I've never met IRL not only lend emotional support to me personally but also provide emotional and temporal labor into fighting antisemitism and supporting Jews more broadly has gone a long way to restoring the faith in humanity that this conflict is trying to erode within me. I know I'm not he only Jew who feels this way right now. Please never underestimate the impact you have just by visibly existing in this space with us.

It's been nice being able to channel my anxiety about my ceiling into something productive.

Reminder: I love you all. Sorry for delayed replies. I'll be back. <3

[moosemonstrous]

I never write in the second person, but it seemed to fit, so 🤷

Ghost Rider Pacific Rim AU - Yegor Ivanov's edition

Say, you're in charge of security on a large, well-appointed quasi-military base housing twenty thousand people - mostly J-techs and their families, but also a sizeable assortment of soldiers, scientists, medical staff, relief workers and support crew. It's the most stable job you've ever had. The general populace is just so grateful for the giant robots you deploy to fight the ever-nastier demons crawling out of The Breach, you barely have to pay any attention to actual security part of it. Your subordinates haven't reported a single issue they couldn't deal with themselves in years. The eggheads fight between each other to secure your approval. You have the respect of the international leaders for keeping Hong-Kong off of their priority list. Somehow, in this beautiful, messed up world you managed to carve yourself out an existence most people can only dream of.

And you got there by making a hard decision once, ten years ago. Eli Morrow was a dangerous psychopath and once his usefulness ran its course, it was your responsibility to put him down. Sometimes, one man has to pull the trigger for the good of the many, and that day you pulled the trigger. Figuratively. It was a regrettable situation, but you don't really regret it, because you gave Eli every chance under the sun to pull himself together.

You said it broke your heart, to see what he did to his brother, but secretly you were relieved. You've done many terrible things together, before the monsters stopped being just men in a different uniform. You had a good handle on Eli for so long, you almost forgot that rabid dogs will bite their master's hand given half a chance. If it hadn't been poor Alberto, it would've been you.

You didn't believe for a second Beto's kids turned up on base purely by accident. Call it fate, or karma, or whatever you want, you can't pretend seeing a mirror image of a young Eli in your own damn hangar doesn't strike a chord deep in your chest. It's not a pleasant sensation.

You have no idea what their mother told them - she was smart enough to get out before all hell came loose, so maybe she was also smart enough to keep her mouth shut. The younger one is a non-issue, at least. You forgot he had the--the whatsit, some condition the medical was working on, the hook you had on the Reyeses to keep them on base. You should dig into the files, see if the same hook will work on the older one.

And you need all the hooks you can think of, because you fucked up. You panicked and figured, well, he doesn't know his old man's jaeger is a goddamn death trap kept only because it would be more expensive to take it apart. He doesn't know it killed every recruit to ever step a foot in it. And he's as sentimental as his father was, all wide-eyed at the sight of the machine making up a good portion of your nightmares.

Only Robbie Reyes is a little too much like his uncle, too, because he doesn't. Fucking. Die.

The whole K-Sci department is very excited, of course. The techs aren't. You should've timed yourself better, made sure Canelo and the rest of the old guard were off-shift when you brought Robbie to The Charger. Now they're watching your hands and lowering their voices whenever you step into the hangar. You can't make the problem disappear without someone starting to ask questions. You need to be smarter than that.

If you can't get rid of him, you must learn to control him. He's no Eli Morrow - and you kept a lid on that can of worms for nearly a decade, from boot camp through black ops to TJP. One scowling teenager is nothing. He needs a strong hand and a little misdirection, that's all.

He watches you too, though. Like he already knows. He can't--can he? How? Who would've told him?

That broken eye of his is tripping you up, that's all. A strong hand, and a promise of medical support for the younger one - you will have him asking 'how high' before the next demon is due.

Besides, piloting jaegers is such a dangerous job. Anything could happen out in the sea. You can live through another regrettable loss. You don't think you can live through whatever Robbie Reyes is planning when he looks at you like that.