#but they're normal so they probably don't do that

[humblefryingpan]

I want to see an au where none of the batfam are superheros except for Bruce.

None of the backstories are different and they all act the same but they're just normal people who happen to be batman's kids. Bats is trying his hardest to stop them fighting crime but it is extremely difficult. The police and JLA don't know anything about the family and have absolutely no idea why Bruce Wayne's kids follow Batman around.

More details and scene ideas under the cut!

Batman tries to give reports to Gordon while kid Dick does flips behind him because he got bored and followed him.

Bruce having to lock all the doors and windows before he leaves to stop Dick trying to fight people (sometimes it works but only if Alfred is there to watch him)

B fights joker while little Jason sits in the batmobile waiting because he was sick and got sent home from school early.

(Jason would still die, because the storyline works pretty well even if he isn't Robin and he'd still come back bc Talia felt bad for her ex but he wasn't trained)

Jay coming back and instead of killing people, he's just really bitchy and throws stuff at Tim. He tries to make B kill joker the same way but he's less threatening because he isn't trained and is just wearing regular jeans and a shirt.

Tim making B adopt him because "you need someone to make sure you don't forget to look after yourself and so you have someone to use as a fill-in kid so that you don't go crazy from" which isn't different to the og but it's just some random kid this time, nothing to do with crime fighting.

Tim goes to a JLA meeting (Alfred wasn't able to babysit) and makes fun of other people's ideas. They are all very confused about who's kid this is and how he got there

Steph and Cass just moving into the manor because their families are shit and it was nice. Both have the same backstories but B stops them fighting anyone else. Idk enough about them to make scenes but imagine them.

Damian was raised the same way, when Talia gave him to Bruce he stopped Dami killing but also just stopped him fighting people fully.

Damian going to Kent farm and Superman trying his hardest to hide information from him, not knowing that Dami already knows it all.

Adult Dick and Jason stealing B's equipment so that their sibling fights are 'more fun' and both ending up in the hospital. They claim they found the equipment on the streets because Batman left it behind

Tim and Damian watching B through the security cameras and texting him their ideas. (They'd get along better because no one is Robin but there'd probably still be some sibling rivalry)

If this is a thing please send me fic recs!

[kaeyx]

imagine being a stripper n chuuya is a regular at the club you work at & he's managed to catch ur eye.. oh the demons

(heading to a private room w/ him, or maybe you let him take you home and act out all his fantasies ohh lor djdn)

- 🐍

Imagine you work in a club in PM territory and there's some other gang trying to intrude on the turf, and they're not big in Yokohama specifically but they are incredibly violent. And the PM can't let people think that someone can barge into a protected establishment and do whatever they want, so Chuuya gets sent in twice a week or so to keep an eye on the general area.

You like to man the bar on the nights he's in because nobody else will, since Chuuya comes in and orders a drink before sitting in silence for hours, barely looking at any of the dancers and not buying any services. The owner refuses to kick him out and everyone is instructed to be very nice to him though, so he's a mystery you want to crack. Chuuya tells you he's not going to pay you anything for sitting across from him and chatting, but says nothing when you ask him why he's in a strip club if he's not watching the dancers or paying for a room. He's a gorgeous man, young and obviously very wealthy, so you have no idea why he'd have to resort to escorts for sex. Not that he ever gets an escort.

The whole situation is weird but it's fun to try and get conversation out of him on slow nights, when you're not going to be making tips anyway and none of your normal regulars are there. Chuuya loosens up considerably after his first drink, letting you see a cheerful, charming man underneath the usual scowl he wears when he sits in his corner and scans the club for hours at a time.

Chuuya is very glad he decided to take care of this thing himself. While his subordinates scan the neighbourhood he protects the main business that's getting targeted, and coincidentally gets to spend more time with you. You're relentless in your advances and don't seem deterred by the fact that there's no money in it for you, even though Chuuya would have no issues with paying you. Hell he could probably buy the whole club, but he doesn't want you to think he's here for that, incase word gets around and he starts attracting the other employees' attention.

You're fucking gorgeous though, always dressed in something skimpy and pretty, your hair smelling like perfume and your hands well tended to. You serve drinks and walk around with a practiced sway in your hips and there's more than one patron who likes to shove their tips right into your waistband. Chuuya likes watching you talk and laugh, working diligently throughout the night to entertain everyone.

[utilitycaster]

Re: villain stans, I really do think you're conflating two groups of people and I feel the need to point it out because the art of haterism deserves pinpoint precision. The thing is that I would consider myself, broadly speaking, a villain stan and I also can't stand the people you're complaining about in that post because I think they've missed the point entirely. They've ruined the entire villain-loving ecosystem. I can't even facetiously say "they've never done anything wrong, ever, in their entire life" about characters that may as well be called Murders McWarCrimes, and whose death or comeuppance I am eagerly awaiting alongside everyone else in the fandom, because some of these idiots actually mean it when they say things like that -- and usually about some of the blandest, most disappointing villains I've seen in a long time. It's like passionately defending the storytelling equivalent of a slightly offensive shade of beige.

Look, some of us see the "time to boo and hiss" signs the narrative is putting up, but I'm not looking to experience every story like it's a children's pantomime. Maybe sometimes I want a wrestling match instead. I know the heel is going to lose. That's their job. It's what they're for. But if imagining that they might win is outside the realm of possibility... well, it's probably not a very good story. The stakes are not compelling. There's a reason that I would describe, say, c1 Briarwoods as delicious and c3 Delilah as overstaying her welcome. A good antagonist is a vital part of the story ecosystem and I enjoy seeing that role played well.

But I don't get to relish in characters being terrible people who do terrible things anymore, because now villain fandom is always overrun by people who read one Wikipedia article on moral relativism and want to have debates about what if Murder McWarCrimes is good actually? No! No, they are not! And if they were, that would be stupid and boring!

And so I reach across the metaphorical aisle to you that we may share in one of the hater's greatest delights: the knowledge that no one likes those idiots, and everyone wishes they would just shut up, even the people they think are on their side.

Hey anon,

I will admit usually when I get a long ask telling me I am conflating things I roll my eyes and wait for someone to say "i am feeling uncomfortable when we are not about me" but, the truth is, I very much was, and you are correct to the point that I think we are fully in agreement.

To be clear: I am pro people enjoying themselves in, as you say, the wrestling fan enjoying the heel way! I agree - a good story needs a villain who feels like a genuine threat. I can appreciate a villain for what they are and enjoy them very much as a character! I am personally unlikely in most cases to root for them but people who look at the story, analyze it, and say "this will be a fun guy to care about, even though I know the victory's probably going to the heroes, and I will be normal and not terribly resentful" are entirely valid and my post is not about them (except to say carry on as you were). It sounds like you're in this latter category and so: carry on as you were, you guys are great.

But I am definitely conflating two flavors of annoying villain stan:

the first is, as you very eloquently put it, the Person Who Read One Wikipedia Article About Moral Relativism and ooooooh what if Mr. Murder McWarcrimes was sufficiently sad about bad things in his life such that the murder and war crimes are correct actually.

The second is the person who does understand that they are looking at a villain who is a bad person but seems actively confused that like, a largely hopeful or heroic narrative will probably not end with Mr. Murder McWarcrimes stabbing everyone to death and then evil laughing against a red lightning-filled sky and seems mad that people are like "actually I like Kit the Heroic Hero". Actual Play D&D is not a place where you'll find these people because a TPK is technically possible regardless of the existing themes! But like...for example, I have to imagine theatergoers in 1983 who weren't idiots did not walk into Return of the Jedi like "oh man I think Darth Vader's gonna win the whole thing and he'll blow up everyone and institute more Space Fascism over the nuked out husk of Endor." Like, as you say, the villain needs to have some bite to be worth my time, but deep in my heart, there are stories where I know that victory is assured by the nature of the plot and it's much more about how it will be assured and what sacrifices will be made, and so it's weird when someone seems to be existing in a denial that that's the story and is like NO Mr. Murder McWarCrimes is NOT going to get a comeuppance and everyone is going to DIE at his hand.

[total-drama-brainrot]

I'll be honest all I can think of is P!Noah's family react to his tv persona.

Like, they know the littlest of their family is a little unhinged but they know he's not bloodthirsty so they're just a wee bit confused.

(And since Noah has, like, 8 sisters I just like to imagine the rest of their giant family is COMPLETELY normal. Like, they have their own individual quirks like anyone else but they're just normal people.)

If you can't tell one of my favorite dynamics is gremlin x just some guy but in this au it's multiple "just some guy“s and it's platonic.

And they've never actively troed to real P!Noah in either btw. They're perfectly content with their little adrenaline junkie baby brother.

Though it does make me wonder how they react in the P!Noah getting stabbed ask

No, see, this is a part of the AU that I actually have some thoughts for.

P!Noah's whole schtick wouldn't be achievable without the showrunners being aware that he's not really gonna do anything to permanently harm the other competitors- it'd be a PR nightmare to justify having an actual loose canon on the show risking the safety of the other teens. So, at the very least, the producers would know that a lot of his threats of violence or otherwise concerning behaviour are an act. (Or an exaggeration of his wilder tendancies.)

Thankfully, canon has its' own subtle little explanation for keeping someone so 'dangerous' around - Izzy's audition tape(s). In those, Izzy states that she'll do her best to "not be boring", which is probably the line that cemented her inclusion in the show. She's kept around as a conflict starter and an audience engagement device, since her antics are so entertaining to watch.

In a similar vein, in p!Noah's audition tape he explains that he's only auditioning for the show out of boredom, and he mostly sees the whole experience as a relatively quick cash grab - after all, he's wicked smart and plenty talented; it'd be child's play to outperform the other contestants (keep in mind, pretty much all of the OG cast were under the impression that Total Drama was going to be something more akin to a talent-based competition at an island resort). He explains that he's not really interested in the show itself, but it could be fun to spend his summer somewhere new where people don't know him or his eccentricities.

At this point in time, Noah's already got his gameplan planned and set; he's already presenting himself as the stoic and somewhat egotistical bookworm, which honestly isn't too far from his actual personality. Save for his psychotic tendancies, that is. Of course, Noah really is smart - smart enough to know that if he came in guns blazing to an audition tape for what is at it's core a social game, he probably wouldn't be picked.

And then the video is interrupted by one of his siblings, who points out that Noah's idea of "fun" generally consists of tormenting the people around him, providing examples of his more daring pranks from a seemingly endless list.

Then more of his siblings join in, all the while Noah stares towards the camera with a smug smile, which only grows wider - unnaturally wide, with hints of unusually sharp teeth poking from stretched-thin lips - as they share transgression after transgression. The tape ends without elaboration, nothing but a still frame of Noah's sinister smirk.

These pranks themself start off pretty tame sounding, like rigging water balloons full of vinegar above doorsteps. They quickly devolve into Noah cutting the breaks on his teacher's car after recieving an unfair grade, mowing down his classmates on a renegade bumper cart during a school trip to a theme park, and things along those lines. Chris, and more importantly the producers, feel a sense of sadistic kinship with the little psycho after hearing about his dangerous endeavours, and cast him on the spot.

So he's chosen to compete for a similar reason as Izzy; to wreak havoc in an entertaining way, and hopefully to kickstart drama.

His family are fully aware of this, though they don't fully anticipate the gleeful sort of vigour Noah has towards tormenting his castmates whilst remaining undetected... by the castmates. They do, however, expect Noah's sly grins and menacing smirks he throws towards the cameras before each successful prank he pulls off with Izzy. And the blank, uncannily empty stares he fixes towards the audience from the background of challenge footage - as if Noah himself can see through the lens into their souls.

After all, they've dealt with him for his whole life. They know his tricks, they've lived his tricks. The whole family has become accustomed to their baby brother who doesn't fully understand concepts like morality and empathy and, as such, can be a little silly sometimes. And they all know just how committed Noah can be to things he finds fun and interesting.

Their first bout of genuine surprise is during one of his later confessionals, when Noah gets too into the persona he's cultivated and starts portraying himself as violent and out for blood.

In Noah's head, he's just upping the ante of his metasocial game. For his family? They know he isn't nearly as violent as he's portraying himself as.

Sure, he's a little impulsive and thrill-seeking, but he's never had a fascination with blood or sharp objects of whatever else he tries to claim in the confessional. When Noah gets home from his stint on Island his siblings are lining up to berate him for his act - doesn't he realise how dangerous portraying himself as an unstable lunatic for the world to see is?

He justifies that anyone who believed his act is an idiot. It's reality TV - anyone with half a brain knows that things are exaggerated for entertainment purposes. He was just giving the editors something good to work with.

Noah is promptly dogpiled by eight irate older siblings.

(I'm also a big fan of "gremlin & just some guy", in this case it's gremlin & many exasperated some guys who aren't afraid of the gremlin. The rest of his family are perfectly normal people who just so happen to know how to deal with somewhat morally bereft hijinks and tomfoolery thanks to their youngest member. P!Noah has an incredibly healthy home life, he's just like that by design.)

As for the stabbing ask; I'm not sure if I want that little scenario to be "canon" to this AU, (and if it is, it'll be re-written with things like context in mind, as opposed to the shitty sleep-deprived drabble I wrote way back when) but if any of his family witnessed Noah being stabbed on international TV the whole brood would be storming the network's headquaters and/or chasing down the Jumbo Jet to get to him. He's The Baby™, you can't stab The Baby™. (Though, inwardly, they'd all agree that it was karma in action. Noah was tempting fate by playing around with knifes for so long, it was only a matter of time before someone got stabbed.)

[paradoxcase]

Gideon the Ninth audiobook, to the end of Part 2

New voices:

Camilla's voice is described in the text as "low and calm" which should mean more deep-voiced women rep, but the audiobook isn't really reproducing that description well, I don't think

Palamedes' voice is not bad, although I kind of expected something clearer and lighter. I'm not sure if it's my imagination, but it almost sounds like another accent? I can't decide. It's kind of hard to tell when Moira Quirk's base accent is also foreign to me

I like Abigail's voice, it's definitely the same Welsh accent. I wonder why Moira Quirk picked that accent for the Fifth? Since they are culturally dominant, I would have expected an accent with more cultural capital IRL, but I guess the main characters are already using a standard British accent and the Fourth teens got the French, so I'm not sure what's left in that regard

There were a few words of Isaac voice, it seems fine

Magnus's voice is really growing on me... just in time to never hear it again for the rest of the book. Woe. Oh well, he'll be back in the next one

The pronunciation of Palamedes' name is also growing on me a lot faster than I predicted

Other stuff:

Gideon notes that Teacher does not eat breakfast, and guesses that he just eats it earlier in the morning. NOPE

On the possibility of Harrow being murdered: "What if the murderer was like, weird" and musings on Gideon's subsequent marriage to the murderer, and thoughts about swapping friendship bracelets with them - Cytherea is the murderer and is indeed seducing Gideon here, and this probably also foreshadows the "friendship bracelets" with Ianthe, although who knows if that's what they actually are

Harrow knew that Gideon was hanging out with Cytherea as early as when she was working in the facility by herself, which I had forgotten, and I'm wondering how she knows this. It doesn't sound like she's doing a lot of socializing and doesn't seem to know a lot about the others beyond the Sixth and the Eighth, who she considers her main competitors at this point, and I don't think either of them would know about Gideon's time spent with Cytherea, because they're also busy, and I doubt Harrow has been trading pleasantries with Cytherea herself

I still love that Gideon figures out the purpose of the Imaging/Response rooms by saying "the arms kind of look like swords, I want to fight it" after Harrow has spent literal days beating her head against it

Gideon punches the construct twice in this segment, which I think really shows the utility of her using that move against Babs earlier, and Marta's assessment that she was the better fighter for it. Babs would have been outraged that the construct didn't follow all the proper rules of dueling

I like how written notes and so forth are read in the voice of the character that wrote them (except for John's letter, I guess, but he doesn't have a voice yet); even when Gideon is reading Magnus's invitation aloud to Harrow, it's read in Magnus's voice

After the dinner party, Cytherea tells Gideon "I liked that dinner, it was useful" which is very chilling now considering I now know it made her decide to kill Abigail and Magnus first

She also says "What do [the Houses] compete for? The Emperor's favor? What does that look like?" I think it's interesting that Cytherea, who is intimately familiar with the Emperor, doesn't really know what his favor looks like, or possibly doesn't believe it exists. Or she just knows that John is shit and finds competing for his favor to be pointless and self-defeating, no doubt strengthening her commitment to murdering everyone before they can succeed

After reading the Unwanted Guest, I think I can guess that the reason Gideon sees the thanergetic signatures when she's fighting the construct is more permeability of the soul stuff - that when Harrow sits in her head, Gideon becomes enough of Harrow to see things that only Harrow can normally see? Even though they only did this for like a few minutes at this point

Gideon being completely floored by Harrow's praise of her fighting ability was fun to hear about again

And now Magnus and Abigail are dead and it's time for Part 3. I think the only voice that's left to hear for the first time is Judith, and also John will make his first appearance in the epilogue

[listentoace]

Everything and everybody wants you to get fatter

Everything you buy at the grocery store is filled with sugar, even in products you don't expect. There are more and more delivery services that can bring you any meal you crave right to your doorstep. Junk food is cheaper than healthy options. There is more and more content to stream online, keeping your mind occupied and your body sedentary. You can work from home, moving less and less. Anywhere you go, there will be a fast food place. Body positivity makes it easier to just be fat. Fat characters in cartoons and movies have become normal and beloved. Gyms keep getting more and more expensive. Whenever you gain a few pounds, people will cheer online and want you to get fatter. You're probably getting off on the thought of getting fatter already. You've turned ruining yourself into a fetish. You don't even want to try and fight it, do you? Stuffing yourself and feeding your addiction is just more pleasurable. Everyday new snacks are being invented to keep you eating. New shows are created to keep your mind empty. More people are sucked into feederism, fetishizing obesity. It'll only get worse, but that'll just make it so much more pleasurable. You might feel fat now, but it'll be nothing compared to what you'll look like in a few years. You'll never be this skinny again. You'll never be able to return to normal. The perception of "fat" keeps shifting. While a hundred years ago, a person with a BMI of 30 would have been considered fat, now they're chubby at best. One third of the population is obese already and those numbers - just like those on your bathroom scale - will only be going up. You can't escape, there is no need to. Fat feels good. Obesity feels good. No more worrying about exercise. No more paying attention to what you eat. So much soft and jiggly mass you carry around with you. Sitting and laying down become so much more comfortable than standing and walking. Your stomach will expand, increasing your capacity for food. You know you love it. You need it. It's natural. It's good. Give in. It's easier. Don't fight. Be consumed. Rest your mind. Rest your body. Stuff yourself. Dumb yourself down. Turn into a blob. Eat. Gain. Grow. It's what's best for you.

[maddy-ferguson]

jess stans pretending to have the moral high ground over logan stans is something that astounds me because the only thing logan's done is be annoying and be rich. jess on the other hand

[sysig]

Blood sugar levels (Patreon)

[front-facing-pokemon]

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

every time i rewatch the miracle aligner music video i am just flabbergasted. FLABBERGASTED. like. they really chose to make it like THAT. and by 'like THAT' i am specifically referring to:

1) “an attempt to extract the truth... approximately" *cue rosepetals and intense eye contact*

2) THIS being the opening shot of the two of them

3) miles legitimately spending the first minute of the entire video blatantly checking alex out

4) literal rainbow lighting around them

5) endless hand holding and twirling

6) that moment where miles's hand reaches ever so reflexively for alex's neck

7) the fucking closing scene?????????

[starflungwaddledee]

kirbytober 2023 21 + 26 : fav characters + ship [ prev || next ]

putting this at the top because it's extremely important but i received a message implying that some folks headcanon these two as drastically different ages. you may headcanon whatever you like of course, but in my work i firmly think that they're both full adults who are at least 25+. this is abundantly clear in my work. i'm not interested in headcanoning any of them as literal children and i would never touch that shit. dni if you think that sort of ship would actually be okay. don't be a freak. thanks.

very typical to take your favs and then also shove them together but isn't that the point. anyway i have literally never seen anybody else ship them (if you're out there... hello... 😭) despite them both being very main characters and i don't know why?? they could be so cute i think...

they are both industrious adventurers, prolific hard-workers (team task doers), and a little cheekily competitive!

i think that bandee is no stranger to a wide variety of close and intense relationships; he's beloved by many and loves them all equally but distinctly in turn. magolor on the other hand has been sooo isolated and lonely for such a long-ass time, he barely knows how to be friends let alone really care for someone. bandee is smart enough to be suitably wary but kind enough to give him a chance despite that, which i think would knock him off his non-existent feet instantly. in reply, magolor could give him something unique by loving and prioritising him utterly singularly, in a way bandee wouldn't even have realised he was missing

in awtdy (pictured in the sketch page; if you see a tattered looking magolor in my art it's probably this au) in particular they are both thrown into the angst soup together and come out insanely trauma bonded at the hip. their friendship/relationship is central to the plotline; together they're working on a solution to the timeline anomaly, while also hiding that they even really know each other the whole time

[skrunksthatwunk]

something he can't put into words.

[south-sea]

i think a lot of people don’t always realize the difference between “this is how i interpret canon” and “this is how i want to write it because that’s what’s fun to me”. a lot of times the latter is all headcanons or AUs are, not an indication of what the writer thinks “is” or “should be” canon

more power to those who are super tuned into actual canon and know these details like the back of their hand, but sometimes people just wanna use a series as a sandbox, not a ruleset. genuinely nothing but respect for people who ARE that knowledgeable, but i and a lot of other people are just here to have fun with characters we enjoy—and want to put them in more accessible settings

[existencebringsonlypain]

hm. the line "it's what they call 'you'." can be interpreted in two different ways.

so far, we've seen the distinction between us and kris by the narrator, what with "Kris calls for susie/ralsei" and "You whisper Noelle's name" (maybe not exactly? but you get what I'm saying). But this doesn't seem TOO consistent. I'd wager a guess that the narrator at least reflects Kris' thoughts, since it has their sense of humor and everything, so it makes sense that "you" depends on the context- whether they're talking to us or themself.

So we've got two ways of reading this line. "It's what they call 'you'."

The first- Talking to us. It's what they call "you", meaning that despite what people say, the person in the mirror isn't you, it's Kris.

The second- talking to themself. It's what they call "you", meaning that it's not actually them, and rather the player. The person in the mirror isn't Kris, just... you.

While still having the same overall meaning of "you are controlling my body and deceiving people by acting like you're me", they tell a different story concerning Kris' outlook on what's going on here. On one hand, you have them refusing to accept that you've taken their identity and insisting that it's still them. On the other, we have a more unfortunate outlook- That even though the people still think they're Kris, they're not, and that what was Kris is now you. That Kris is now just... Not present.

Of course, Kris IS present, but interpreting this line in one way can drastically change how far along in acceptance they are, and how they feel about the situation as a whole.

I've kind of forgotten where my brain was going, so have this.

[rotisseries]

everyone debates about elmike like oh they're the best of friends no they would never hang out on their own they don't even know each other, when the true answer, much like everything else about them, is that there is so so much and also nothing at all

[horsemage]

I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂