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#cheap cars app
pleasantbirdsand · 3 months
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I stumbled on gameplay of the Cars 2 video game playing as Grem and Acer
I don't know what they were doing but it looked cool
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Why am i not surprised that everyone wants me to do something for them on a cold ass day like today?
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inkskinned · 2 years
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100,000 dollars is not a lot of money.
it is also a lot more money than i will ever have. my student loans make up half of that - they're coming back, i'm told, like we all bounced back recently. the other day while paying for gas to go to work, i overdrew my account without knowing it.
i sat in the car and looked at the charge and tried to do the math. where the fuck is the money even going? i don't live extravagantly. i live in a hole in the ground, in an apartment the size of a sneeze; covered in ants. yes, i wanted to live close to a population center. maybe that's my fault. i've downloaded the apps and i've spoken to the experts and i've cut back on excess. i can't help the pharmacy bills or the medical debt.
i have a good, well-paying job. when i googled it to see if i was getting a fair salary, i found out i'd be making "upper middle class" money. which doesn't make sense - is "upper middle class" now just "able to afford a one-bedroom without a roommate". when i was younger, upper-middle meant a nice big house and a backyard and vacations and not flinching about eating at a resturant.
i was talking to my friend who is a realtor. he said 100,000 dollars is extremely cheap for housing. he's not wrong. 100,000 dollars would change my life. 100,000 dollars also won't really buy you anything. it could get you out of debt, potentially, if you were lucky and had a certain amount of scholarships to tack onto your degree. you could pay off the car and then have enough left over for "spending" money. how fucking amazing. one vacation, maybe two if you're thrifty. and then - like magic - the money would evaporate into nothing. people would sigh and tell you see, you should have put it into savings! like "upper middle class" people can't afford to value "actually living" over squirrelling wealth. you should spend your life only in scarcity. like that is what made the rich people all their real "actually a lot of money".
100,000 dollars would literally set me free. it also would just set me back to "earning normally" instead of paying down debt into infinity. god, do you know how many of us just want that? that our first thought is we could stop scrambling and just be free of debt if we won the lottery? that we don't even necessarily need to stop working - we just wouldn't have to worry about failing or falling?
and. at the same time. 100,000 dollars is next to fucking nothing.
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chrissy-kaos · 18 days
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As many of you know, I do autoX and track my car. Well this weekend I was at the Watkins Glen Vintage Grand Prix. I had HDPE event with some Ferrari’s, Porches and various other cars. This is something that I’m extremely passionate about and absolutely love doing. But during that event my car suffered a catastrophic failure of the turbo. It seems it starved of oil and being upwards to 2000 degrees or so. It decided to leave the chat. Inspecting the turbo I found the fins got badly damaged too. This is very unfortunate news because just next month I have another event.
If you know anything about cars, you know this isn’t a cheap fix. It’s a Garrett gtx gen2 14/46 stuffed to just shy of a 24/50r. It’s going to cost somewhere in the $1800-$2000 range to replace. That being said I don’t have that kind of money lying around.
Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you 🙏🏻
Cash app- $ChrissyKaos
Venmo- @Chrissy_Kaos
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can i just say i hate the fact that kids and teenagers and young adults can be kids and teenagers and young adults. you can’t go out and just be. you can’t skateboard, you can’t go anywhere half the time without a car, everything is so expensive, you’re forced to get a job as soon as you turn 16, you can’t just exist.
there’s no freedom if you’re not an adult without a job or car and then there’s no fun in life. i just hate it. i hate that after 8:30 you have to choose between solitude or alcohol, but then you have to be 21. you can’t get a late meal without a car and just chill at a park because all the parks are closed after sun down and the cops give you a warning for soliciting. the transit stops running after a certain time and everything is so far of a walk.
i’m just tired of what’s happened to relying on cars and how you can’t do anything without them
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dandelionsresilience · 3 months
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Good News - June 8-14
Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $Kaybarr1735! And if you tip me and give me a way to contact you, at the end of the month I'll send you a link to all of the articles I found but didn't use each week!
1. Rare foal born on estate for first time in 100 years
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“The Food Museum at Abbot's Hall in Stowmarket, Suffolk, is home to a small number of Suffolk Punch horses - a breed considered critically endangered by the Rare Breeds Survival Trust. A female foal was born on Saturday and has been named Abbots Juno to honour the last horse born at the museum in 1924. [...] Juno is just one of 12 fillies born so far this year in the country and she could potentially help produce more of the breed in the future.”
2. The cement that could turn your house into a giant battery
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“[Scientists] at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) have found a way of creating an energy storage device known as a supercapacitor from three basic, cheap materials – water, cement and a soot-like substance called carbon black. [... Supercapacitators] can charge much more quickly than a lithium ion battery and don't suffer from the same levels of degradation in performance. [... Future applications of this concrete might include] roads that store solar energy and then release it to recharge electric cars wirelessly as they drive along a road [... and] energy-storing foundations of houses.”
3. New road lights, fewer dead insects—insect-friendly lighting successfully tested
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“Tailored and shielded road lights make the light source almost invisible outside the illuminated area and significantly reduces the lethal attraction for flying insects in different environments. [...] The new LED luminaires deliver more focused light, reduce spill light, and are shielded above and to the side to minimize light pollution. [... In contrast,] dimming the conventional lights by a factor of 5 had no significant effect on insect attraction.”
4. When LGBTQ health is at stake, patient navigators are ready to help
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“[S]ome health care systems have begun to offer guides, or navigators, to get people the help they need. [... W]hether they're just looking for a new doctor or taking the first step toward getting gender-affirming care, "a lot of our patients really benefit from having someone like me who is there to make sure that they are getting connected with a person who is immediately going to provide a safe environment for them." [... A navigator] also connects people with LGBTQ community organizations, social groups and peer support groups.”
5. Tech company to help tackle invasive plant species
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“Himalayan balsam has very sugary nectar which tempts bees and other pollinators away from native plants, thereby preventing them from producing seed. It outcompetes native plant species for resources such as sunlight, space and nutrients. [...] The volunteer scheme is open to all GWT WilderGlos users who have a smartphone and can download the Crowdorsa app, where they can then earn up to 25p per square meter of Balsam removed.”
6. [Fish & Wildlife] Service Provides Over $14 Million to Benefit Local Communities, Clean Waterways and Recreational Boaters
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“The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service is distributing more than $14 million in Clean Vessel Act grants to improve water quality and increase opportunities for fishing, shellfish harvests and safe swimming in the nation’s waterways. By helping recreational boaters properly dispose of sewage, this year’s grants will improve conditions for local communities, wildlife and recreational boaters in 18 states and Guam.”
7. Bornean clouded leopard family filmed in wild for first time ever
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“Camera traps in Tanjung Puting National Park in Indonesian Borneo have captured a Bornean clouded leopard mother and her two cubs wandering through a forest. It's the first time a family of these endangered leopards has been caught on camera in the wild, according [to] staff from the Orangutan Foundation who placed camera traps throughout the forest to learn more about the elusive species.”
8. Toy library helps parents save money 'and the planet'
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“Started in 2015 by Annie Berry, South Bristol's toy library aims to reduce waste and allow more children access to more - and sometimes expensive - toys. [...] Ms Berry partnered with the St Philips recycling centre on a pilot project to rescue items back from landfill, bringing more toys into the library. [...] [P]eople use it to support the environment, take out toys that they might not have the space for at home or be able to afford, and allow children to pick non-gender specific toys.”
9. Chicago Receives $3M Grant to Inventory Its Trees and Create Plan to Manage City’s Urban Forest
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“The Chicago Park District received a $1.48 million grant [“made available through the federal Inflation Reduction Act”] to complete a 100% inventory of its estimated 250,000 trees, develop an urban forestry management plan and plant 200 trees in disadvantaged areas with the highest need. As with the city, development of the management plan is expected to involve significant community input.”
10. Strong Public Support for Indigenous Co-Stewardship Plan for Bears Ears National Monument
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“[The NFW has a] plan to collaboratively steward Bears Ears National Monument to safeguard wildlife, protect cultural resources, and better manage outdoor recreation. The plan was the result of a two-year collaboration among the five Tribes of the Bears Ears Inter-Tribal Coalition and upholds Tribal sovereignty, incorporates Traditional Ecological Knowledge, and responsibly manages the monument for hunting, fishing, and other outdoor recreation while ensuring the continued health of the ecosystem.”
June 1-7 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)
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Met His Match. || Soap MacTavish (Collab)
A collab with @crashtestbunny.
Find us on AO3!
Words: 3.5K~ Pairing: Sex Fiend!Reader x One Night Stand!Soap CW: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, smut smut smut, dubcon elements, unprotected piv, oral sex (f!receiving), public handjob (m!receiving), overstimulation, bathroom sex, sadism, dom/sub, rough sex, sub John "Soap" MacTavish, forced ejaculation, semi-public sex, whining, light exhibitionism, power play, dry orgasm. other tags: you/your pronouns, afab!reader, dating app, hook-up, one night stand, mean reader, exhaustion, walk of shame summary: Johnny gets fucked. a/n: Inspired loosely by my "It's a Match!" fic... but so much fucking worse. P.S. Not beta-read, we die like soap.
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Friday night. 6 PM.
You just got home from work and after making yourself a quick meal, you threw yourself on the couch.
Reaching for your phone you click on the Tinder icon on your home screen and immediately begin swiping away at the men that come across your screen.
You're not being too picky. Still a bit picky, but not too much. It doesn't matter that much what they look like... so much as what you feel once you see their picture.
You're not on this app for the romance, after all. No.
You're tired and frustrated from your week and all you want is to fuck a man. In fact, you want to fuck a man so hard he leaves your flat in the morning looking (and feeling) like a cheap whore.
You'll know what kind of man you're in the mood for when you see him.
Left.
Left.
Right.
Left.
Right.
Left.
That's when a man with the biggest blue eyes you've ever seen comes across your screen. You stop the mindless swiping immediately and just stare at him.
You can already imagine the way those blue eyes would look up at you from between your thighs, and how much better his face will look when they're glassy and he's covered in sweat and drooling down his chin...
Oh yeah, he's what you're looking for alright.
So, you scroll down to read what his bio has to say.
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If that bio is anything to go off of, he's also looking for something casual. After all, he mentions fingering and being ridden in the same paragraph. Perfect.
You Swipe Right on him and your phone immediately buzzes, announcing that you matched. Sweet.
Johnny texts you first. How... cute.
Johnny: hi beautiful x Johnny: how are you doing?
Oh, sweet summer child... what does he think this is? Small talk that'll lead onto a date?
You: doing good. You: how's your night looking?
It takes a minute before his reply comes.
Johnny: very free Johnny: wanna hook up?
There we go, Johnny-boy. That's the spirit.
You: would love that You: do you know that one bar around the corner from the post office? Johnny: of course You: meet there in an hour? Johnny: i'll be there Johnny: i'll be wearing blue
You can't help but chuckle... he won't be wearing much of anything soon enough.
-
Finding him at the bar is extremely easy because the bar is not packed, albeit still pretty busy. But that's not why you picked it. You picked it because it's only a short car ride from your flat.
Johnny is leaning on the bar, as promised, wearing a dark blue t-shirt, dark wash jeans, and a pair of simple black boots.
You approach him from behind, wearing a simple black dress. Not one of those flashy, slinky club types, just a regular dress. You know what you came here to get.
"Hey." You greet him casually and he turns to look at you, his hand wrapped around a lowball glass with some drink inside. It's clear... so either tequilla or vodka.
When he turns you realize three things immediately: 1) He lied about his height. He's definitely not 6ft tall, but 5ft10 at the most; 2) He's built like a brick shithouse, impossibly wide shoulders with large, beefy arms... So he wasn't lying about his 'Athletic' build; and 3) He has a fucking mohawk.
You can already imagine the way he'd look, your legs over his shoulders, as you squeezed his head between your thighs while his tongue lapped at your folds... Fuck, you're horny.
"...nice. What are you drinking? I'll buy." You catch the end of what he said, the beginning probably a greeeting, and a compliment, and, now an offer of a drink.
You try to shrug casually and seem unbothered. You decide to humour him. If he wants to play the gentleman part and pretend this is a date, you can play along.
"Whiskey. Neat." You murmur in reply as you slot yourself next to him against the bar, your thigh brushing against his as he orders and pays for your drink.
"So, a soldier, huh? What's that like?" You muse as you take a sip of your drink, watching him take a sip of his, his throat bobbing as he swallows. Oh, how you'd love to wrap a hand around...
"I like it. Always ken I wanted to be one. Tried to sign early and everythin'. I like keepin' active and I'm good at what I do..."
He continued talking, but you tuned him out, eyes locked on his mouth, watching how his lips pushed and pulled for each word, his white teeth in a neat row behind and his wet tongue sometimes peeking out.
He talked a lot. He talked... too much.
"Let me cut you off right there." You interrupted him, causing him to shut his mouth and stare at you. "Care to have this conversation between my legs, gorgeous?"
Johnny stares at you with impossibly wide eyes, like what you just said is the most bizarre thing he's ever heard. His left brow, right below an obvious scar, twitches, a sign he's interested. "...When?" He asks in a murmur.
"Right now." You reply with a head tilt.
The blue-eyed Scot simply nods eagerly and knocks back the contents of his drink into his mouth.
-
"That's it... That's fucking it-" You croon as you buck your hips into his mouth, your back pressed against the wall, the hem of your dress curled up and tucked into the elastic band of your bra.
Johnny's on his knees on the floor of the cubicle, his tongue lapping at your slick cunt like he's a prisoner on death row and that's his last meal request and he insists on enjoying it.
One of his hands grips your right thigh, squeezing it and keeping it steady, the other alternating between rubbing your clit and going around the back of your hip to squeeze one of your arse cheeks, pulling you deeper into his mouth whenever he licks and sucks your clit.
His blue eyes are locked on yours and they look just as good as you had imagined they would as his moist tongue curls to gather some of your slick and swallow it down, to taste as much of it as he can.
He's such a fucking munch, his tongue parting your folds and diving as deep into your hole as he can get it, before sliding back up to meet your clit, giving it a greedy suck.
There's a smug smirk on his lips, even as they're buried in your cunny, and a chuckle falls from them too while he thrashes his head side to side like a dog playing tug-of-war, nearly blowing raspberries on your clit and causing you to squirm against him, more expletives falling from your mouth.
You know what he's thinking. He thinks he's in charge. He thinks he's doing a good job fucking you. Oh, how wrong he is. And you're about to show him that.
"Wipe that fucking smirk off your face, sweetheart." You demand as you push his hands off your body and grab onto his stupid fucking mohawk with both hands like a handle to grind yourself against his face.
His eyes widen, but the sight of you using his mouth, his tongue, to get yourself off, hips bucking and dragging across his chin and tongue, lips and nose is enough to get him riled up.
He can't help himself, his hands finding a spot on the floor and his own legs spreading apart, allowing him to half-grind his clothed cock against the tile.
His head bobs eagerly against you, his nose buried in your mons, the flat of his tongue rubbing over your clit, his beard prickling against the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, crotch and folds.
Your legs are trembling on either side of his head, but you don't stop riding yourself against his tongue, your head falling back against the tiled wall behind you, the pitch of your voice getting higher and higher.
The way the flat of his tongue presses to your clit causes your whole body to shake, your skin warming up more and more to the touch. The coil in your stomach is getting tighter by the second and your breath, as well as your moans, are ragged and long.
Your hips buck and thrash and your head hangs low suddenly as your climax crashes onto you, leaving you breathing fast and deep, your eyes fluttering a bit as you look down to find Johnny kneeling between your thighs, his tongue still softly sliding upward, spreading your folds open and swallowing your come deep into his mouth.
"That's it, drink up, I'm not giving you water anytime soon, sweetheart." You tell him, noticing how his eyes have gone glassy, a wet spot having formed in his dark jeans.
Filthy mutt got off on having you fuck yourself on his tongue...
-
Having pulled Johnny off you and fixed your dress back into place, you called an Uber and then dragged the bulky man out of the bar by the hand, marching ahead of him toward the pavement, under a street lamp, to wait for your ride.
Wrapping your arms around his neck, you guided your mouth up Johnny's chin toward his mouth, locking lips with him, your tongue seeking his out.
His beard and mouth are both still soaked with your come, he smells of it, and tastes of it too, and with each push and pull of your tongues as you seek each other out, you get more of a taste of yourself.
You only broke the kiss once the Uber arrived, your phone having pinged with a warning, and a car having pulled to the side of the road not far from the two of you.
You and Johnny piled in together and while he scooted all the way across the backseat toward the other door, you slid up next to him as you two greeted the driver.
You didn't bother with a seatbelt (neither did Johnny) and since the driver didn't seem too keen on chit-chat, you allowed yourself to drape a leg across Johnny's lap, while his arm wrapped around your waist.
Your fingers slid over his thigh toward the darkened patch of denim on his crotch, and, with your leg (and the music playing from the speakers) as cover, you slowly undid the fly and button.
"What are ye-" Johnny murmured as he glanced at you with raised brows and wide eyes, like an innocent little puppy.
"Sh-shh..." You hissed as you kissed his cheek, playing the part of a loving girlfriend, or an overly affectionate date, for your driver's sake, you slowly slid your fingers through the open zipper, fishing for his cock amidst the wet fabric of his boxer briefs.
The pretty boy was already at half-mast again, even after having already come once, and your hand quickly wrapped around it as you began stroking it.
Johnny thighs trembled and his legs kicked out a bit as he felt your warm hand wrap around his sensitive member, and he looked away, out of the window, eyelids fluttering, eyebrows scrunched, and a hard bite on his bottom lip.
His cock began steadily throbbing in your hand, hardening and growing more with each languid stroke of your hand around him. He's thick. Much thicker than you expected him to be. You can feel your fingers struggling to fully wrap around him.
Sliding your palm up, you slowly rub over the hooded tip, which draws a squeak from the back of his throat, his chest heaving, and his stomach being sucked in.
"Control yourself..." You whispered in his ear which, making sure to shoot a glance forward at the Uber driver, who seemed focus on the road.
In response, you received yet another soft groan and a hiss through clenched teeth, Johnny's head lulling toward you, his forehead leaning against your temple. "Feels... fuck... I can't... you're... ah-"
"Feels good?" You murmur in his ear as you kiss his bearded jaw lightly, feeling him buck a bit against your hand, causing your thigh to bounce on his lap.
"Hm... Mhm..." Johnny grunted. "Fuck... Steamin' Jesus..." He whined brokenly as your hand kept stroking his length fully, up and down, at a slow, languid pace.
You'd draw back the foreskin, exposing the bulbous head, before drawing it up again as your hand climbed up to rub against the tip for a moment, only to roll back down once more.
Whenever the car would drive past a street lamp, the yellow-toned light would flutter briefly over Johnny's exposed cock, and draw your attention right to his pink, bulbous tip, overstimulated and angry, leaking shiny beads of pre-cum.
"Sh-Shh..." You cooed at him again, enjoying the broken sounds of pleasure he'd let out through clenched teeth, the way his cock would throb and twitch in your hand, and how the muscular man next to you vibrated with tension.
Oh, how you loved to make men break under your hand, and, even more so, how much you loved to make men like him break. A soldier, a strong man, used to dominating... How silly of him to think he had any power here...
It takes little time for Johnny to suddenly twitch and thrash next to you, his breath picking up and becoming ragged and wet, like he's struggling to control himself into being quiet...
You look up at him just in time, finding the way his head falls back on the headrest of his seat, while he grunted under his breath and hissed through his teeth, again, and again, his eyes fluttering shut as he experienced a dry orgasm, only the tiniest beads of cum slipping down to your fingers right below the head.
Just in time too, because the Uber pulled over less than a minute later, the Uber driver looking back at you and Johnny. "We're here, Miss." He told you politely.
"Thank you, Jared. I'll be sure to leave you a 5-star rating and a good tip." You replied to the driver as you slipped your leg off Johnny's lap and scooted closer to the other door.
After opening the door, you turned again and grabbed Johnny by his shirt collar, your fingers hooking themselves onto the inside of it and grazing his dog tags hanging around his neck.
Smirking, you slip them from the confines of the shirt and then twirl the ball chain around your forefinger like a lead, pulling it taut, which causes Johnny to audibly whine.
"C'mon, Johnny." You ordered as you tugged him forward, causing him to scoot forward, ducking his head to follow you out of the car, his movements languid and slow, his head still cloudy from the recent orgasm.
-
"Fuck, yes! Fuck!" You whine, your head falling back, your hair sticking to your forehead and your nape.
"Steamin' fuckin' Jesus... Fuck..." Johnny groans, his own head rolling back on the mattress of your bed.
"Yes... Yes..." You grunt as you fix your grip on the bottom of his thighs, right before his knees, bouncing your ass off his lap.
Johnny's mouth is hanging open, his hands fisting the bed sheets as he lies on a puddle of his own sweat, every inch of his exposed, hairy torso glistening under the light of your bedside lamp.
You're both exhausted, your hands slippery on his sweaty thighs, your own sometimes shaking as you bounce on him again, and again.
Your pace is starting to become uncoordinated and sloppy because your legs are tired, your knees struggling to keep up and causing you to stutter atop him, driving his cock harder into you and deep against your cervix twice in a row.
It drives a desperate moan out of you both and you go still for a moment, feeling the sweat trickle down your brow.
"Fuck... C'mon..." Johnny whines and grabs you by the hip, attempting to rock his hips up against the cleft of your ass, helping pound into you...
Only for you to bounce up with him and then throw all your weight down onto him, causing his ass to be pinned back down onto the bed, and drawing a loud yowl of surprise as his cock barrels right against your cervix, sending a sting of pain up your spine.
Johnny looks up at you with wide eyes and a dropped jaw, seemingly horrified and confused.
Finding his eyes, you lean forward, pressing your hands onto his chest, before murmuring "Stay fucking still. This isn't about you."
"Sorry?" Johnny murmurs, whether in confusion or genuinely apology, you don't know.
"You're nothing more than a toy right now. And good toys don't talk." You warn him.
"I-" He stuttered, not fast enough to protest before you were moving atop him again, the new angle and slight pause having provided you with an extra burst of energy.
You rocked against him, keeping him buried down to the hilt and rubbing your sensitive clit against the bush at the base of his cock.
It makes you croon in delight, keeping up the same angle but becoming more and more frantic, rubbing yourself against his bush while keeping his shaft sheathed nice and deep in your weeping cunny.
Something about the warm wetness enveloping his already oversensitive cock, the sight of your face contorting in pleasure atop him, so close and yet so far, your hands pushing against his chest so he doesn't try to reach for you.
It drives him over the edge and he finds himself losing it, his big blue eyes fluttering and rolling, his jaw dropping and his every muscle straining as his head falls back, causing him to stiffen beneath you.
Out of breath, you lean your head against his chest, feeling the warmth of your release coming in the aftermath of his own, his cock twitching and throbbing inside you being the final nail in the coffin.
Johnny doesn't dare move as he feels your warm cunt squeeze around him, draining every last drop from his already reduced third orgasm, simply lying there, beneath you.
His mouth is hanging open, drier than the Sahara, every inch of him is slick with sweat and he's out of breath and his entire body is trembling ever so slightly as he closes his eyes in pure bliss.
Only for his eyes to shoot open again as he feels you start up again, your ass carefully bouncing off his sore thighs.
-
Johnny stumbles his way into the training room. It's 6 a.m. and he has not caught a fucking wink of sleep.
Unlike his normal hook-ups, after which he reports to base with a pep in his step and a smirk on his lips that no amount of push-ups, sit-ups and mile runs can wipe off...
This time, he's limping, every muscle of his feeling sore and stiff, his thighs feel like they're going to bruise up, his cock burns from how oversensitive it is...
He hasn't slept, hasn't eaten, hasn't drunk water... and the closest thing to a shower he got was when you tossed him some wet wipes in the morning.
Unlike him, you had gotten up in the morning (aka after a 1.5 hour power nap) perfectly energized and like you hadn't spent half of the night riding him like a stallion you were trying to break...
Gaz is the first to notice Johnny's state as the Scot falls into formation with the rest of the unit, his eyes still sort of glassy. But he doesn't say anything... he simply raises a brow and smirks in amusement.
Ghost is standing by Price on the sidelines and notices next and, unlike Gaz, he chuckles at it and calls Price's attention to it. The Captain turns to look at Soap and has to contain the look of amused disappointment from showing on his face.
"Soap!" The Captain calls out, causing Soap to look over, nearly languidly and then approach, with Gaz following behind him, despite not having been called. He just... wanted in on the fun.
"The fuck happened to you, son? Did you get in a fight?" Price asks with a cocked brow, watching how the younger sergeant squirms and his tanned face grows warmer.
"N-No sir." Johnny replies and shakes his head, which causes him to wince, feeling light-headed.
"I think 'assaulted' would be a better word for it, Cap'n." Gaz chides, causing the Scot to huff and turn his head in frustration and embarrassment.
"Shut it, Garrick..." Soap murmurs, which earns a light chuckle from all the men, Ghost included.
"Go shower and take a nap. You're excused for this morning." Price tells the sergeant, causing the lad to nod thankfully and wander off, limping once more.
As he gets back to his barracks, he grabs his phone, typing out a quick message for you, thankful you insisted on giving him your number and taking his... Johnny secretly hoped that meant you wanted a repeat.
"Hope you're happy... Made me embarrass myself in the state I showed up to training in."
The reply he earned, however, was the most cold-hearted one he could've received... One he never even saw coming.
"I'm sorry, who is this?"
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Read Bunny's Work HERE
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emphistic · 6 months
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Knight in Drenched Armor
You cannot see. You cannot breathe. You cannot hear.
Wind whipped your hair around mercilessly and pushed your hood down every time you tried to pull it back up.
Sukuna and you had decided to take a walk, while it was still only slightly sprinkling, for God knows why. The weather app had told you there would be a 20% chance for a storm, but you both ignored it. I mean, how bad could it possibly be? —
— Very bad. Very bad. That 20% chance of rain turned into literal hail. According to your [pseudo] degree in meteorology, this was a literal tsunami.
"Oh my God, Oh my God! Hold me down! 'Kuna hold me downnnn!" You scream, tightening your already white-knuckled grip on Sukuna's coat sleeve.
"So dramatic, woman." Sukuna rolls his eyes, still not obliging, but — nonetheless — appreciating the way you were practically attached to his arm.
"Sukuna — I swear to God! I told you to buy a good, useful umbrella . . . not this cheap ass one," you rant as you continue to struggle to keep the umbrella open. A) it was folded the wrong way. B) it was opening the wrong way. And C) it wasn't even able to stay open and withstand the wind.
You turned to Sukuna, "How can you be so calm? Are you not freezing to death? How are you not soaked when this lame excuse for an umbrella isn't even working? The rain is literally smudging all my hard work, my mascaraaaa," you whined, pointing [with your free hand] at your stained cheek. "That stupid rodent better count its days. When I catch that fucking groundhog, it's over."
Your teeth chatter profusely as your knees knock against each other and your legs sway. You are finally able to keep the umbrella open when, out of the blue, a gust of wind launches you backwards. Time seems to slow down as you lose hold of your boyfriend and are catapulted right onto your ass.
Umbrella was long forgotten, as it was probably flying around somewhere and consequently ran over by a car.
Sukuna looks down at his sleeve, wondering where your hand went, and notices your lack of presence.
"The fuck?"
He looks at his palm confused, before turning his head in all directions, until he spots your figure curled up in a ball on the street. Your puffer jacket blowing in the wind.
You shiver from your spot on the ground — and decide to give up on life.
"What the hell? — Y/N!" Sukuna yells your name, avoiding all the weird stares he gets from passersby, while trying to get you to stand back up.
"Just go, it's too late for me. The groundhog has won," You moan, wrapping your arms around your torso.
Sukuna scoffs, moving towards you. But every time the pink-haired man gets closer, more gusts of wind blow you farther and farther away from him. To the point Sukuna just decides to leave you and go home alone.
Just kidding.
-
Miraculously, the both of you make it back to the apartment. Soaked, freezing, and half-dead, but still managed to get back home, yes.
You guys spent the rest of the night bathing each other and blowdrying each other's hair.
It's safe to say, Sukuna will never ask you to accompany him on a walk ever again — not wanting to risk another incident and disaster of you flying away.
Taglist: @starlets-things @sad-darksoul @mochimoee @r0ckst4rjk @lillycore @deepchromatose @yinyinyinyinyinyin
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kjupchurch-xx · 1 month
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Conflicting Feelings Part Six
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As the morning sunset swept through my hotel room's balcony view, I felt Hugh begin stirring in his sleep, "G'day, gorgeous." He said sleepily as I felt him start stretching. 
I smiled, "Good morning, sexy." I purred, leaning up to peck his lips before moving out of the bed towards the bathroom to turn on the shower. 
Today was going to be bittersweet. I was going back home today, my stay in LA had come to an end. It was time for me to head back to the East Coast, to the beautiful, busy town of New York City. Hugh was in LA for the filming of the new Deadpool & Wolverine movie, so I'd be going back to NYC solo. Truth be told, I missed my condo in New York, but I knew I'd miss my favorite Aussie even more. 
Now that things are beginning to happen, the thought of leaving breaks my heart. I didn't realize I was reacting to my thoughts until his voice interrupted the thoughts racing through my brain. I felt two arms snake around me, "What's wrong, my love?" He asked softly. 
I sniffled, quickly wiping a fallen tear from my cheek, "I'm leaving today to go back home." I said as my voice trembled. 
He frowned, "Today?" He asked, making sure he heard me correctly. I nodded, staying silent, trying to control my flooding emotions. "Do you have to go back home today?" He asked. 
I sighed, "I paid for a round trip, so my flight's already booked. I can't get a refund and I can't afford to lose the money." 
He kissed my forehead, "I'll take care of it." He said simply. 
I looked at him, shaking my head. "I can't let you do that." 
He smiled, "I want to and I can." pecking my lips again. 
I rolled my eyes, "I don't want you doing that. I paid for first class and that's not cheap." 
He chuckled, "You do realize I make millions, right love? I'm making $20 million from Deadpool. I can assure you a first class plane ticket will not break me."
I shrugged, "And I'm staying where?" 
He looked at his phone, "With Noldsy and Blake, and of course me. You have to babysit their kids from time to time, but it's not that bad." He chuckled.  
I looked at him, "You seriously want me to cancel my flight?" I asked, grabbing my phone. 
He pouted, "I would be heartbroken if you didn't." 
I smiled, "And Ryan and Blake are okay with this?" I questioned. 
He rolled his eyes, "C'mon, you know Ryan and Blake love you." 
I sighed, "Okay, if you insist..." I logged onto my app and canceled my flight, luckily receiving a 50% refund for a last minute cancellation from the flight insurance I'd purchased when I first paid for the ticket. "It's cancelled." I said, throwing my phone down, pulling him into the shower with me. 
As we washed off he spoke, "We'll drop your rental car off when we head out. We can take mine back to Ryan and Blake's." 
I nodded, "Okay, but I need to make a stop and get some more clothes. I packed for five days and I'm not wearing the same outfits for another week." 
He kissed my forehead, while rinsing my hair out, "We can do that." 
After our shower and packing up the hotel room, we parted ways to drop off my rental car, Hugh following close behind me in his. 
Hugh's POV:  
As I followed close behind her, I was overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the course of knowing her. We'd met each other in 2020 when she starred as an extra on a show I was working on. I had very little interaction with her on the show, but backstage was a different story. She approached me and told me how she was starstruck to work with Wolverine, which made me laugh. 
She was only 22 years old when I met her, I was 51, turning 52. She was an attractive young woman. She was funny, she was intelligent and she was humble. I thought nothing about her until we'd cut up on set and spent hours talking. She had a boyfriend and I had a wife at home, not to mention I like older women. We'd remained friends until she came to my rescue when my father died. That's when things went wild for me. Several things took place that her pride will not allow her to talk about, but I couldn't stop thinking about them. 
When I arrived back to NYC and to Deb, I separated myself from her. COVID made it easier. I kept trying to block the feelings out because I knew they were wrong. I forced myself to focus on Deb, and Deb only, but that only made us grow further apart in our marriage. 
While in England, not only did I walk in on her changing and saw her breasts, there was one night she had too much to drink and confessed many things to me that she has no memory of. She talked about her difficult upbringing, she talked about her failed relationships, but she doesn't have any recollection of admitting to me that she loved me and dreamed that one day I'd be hers. Or how if my marriage ever ends, she was claiming me for herself. That night, I'd had a few drinks myself and we shared a kiss. 
I thought about how after I walked in on her, she'd became what I'd imagine when I'd wank off. I'd imagine how perfect her breasts were, how I wanted to run my hands down every curve on her body as I fucked her, and how her pussy would taste, or how tight it would be around my fingers. I thought about how much I'd want to pleasure her and make her orgasm so much that she couldn't function anymore. Just the thought of her made my dick throb.
But, it was more than just sex with her. She was genuinely my favorite human being, besides my children and of course, Ryan Reynolds. She was there for me during one of the hardest times of my life. She keeps me grounded and focused on the bigger picture, even if I struggle to see it. I'd spent 20 years thinking I was with the love of my life, until I realized I didn't know the meaning of it when she came to England that night. 
Main Reader's POV: 
As we arrived at the drop-off for the rental car, I quickly returned the keys, heading back outside only to be bombarded by photographers. They photographed Hugh, me, us in the car together, etc as they asked if we were an item. 
"They're fucking relentless, jesus christ." I mumbled. 
He chuckled, "You act like you haven't had the press bother you." 
I giggled, "Not to that extent. That was different."
He reached over grabbing my hand, interlocking it with his, bringing it to his lips, placing a small kiss on my knuckles, "Did you want to get clothes now?" 
I blushed, shaking my head, "Let's get to Ryan's first. Let them calm down and then we'll go." I said regarding the photographers. 
He chuckled, "Okay, we can do that." 
The drive to Ryan's wasn't long. It was full of Hugh singing along to songs on the radio. He had a beautiful voice and hearing it on screen was nothing compared to hearing it in person. About 5 minutes later, we arrived at Ryan's place. Ryan and Blake weren't home. Ryan was filming scenes and Blake was promoting her new movie. The kids were with a nanny since Nanny Hugh had been MIA all weekend. 
As we walked in and made it to the bedroom Hugh was staying in, he ran his fingers through his beard, "I've gotta shave this." He said to himself. 
I smirked, "Can I help?" 
He giggled, "Can you do the Wolverine shave? It has to be perfect for the film." 
I shrugged, "It can't be too hard to shave mutton chops."
"Shawn will kill me if you fuck this up." He laughed, handing me a set of clippers. 
I giggled, grabbing them. "I won't fuck this up. Do you know how in love with Logan I was as a child?" 
He playfully rolled his eyes, "Don't say it like that. It makes me feel old and it's making me feel weird. You know I was 32 or 33 when I filmed that."
I shrugged, "I was 4 when it was released." 
He cringed, "God, stop. Let's talk about something else." 
I chuckled as I began shaving the infamous mutton chops, "I love making you uncomfortable." I said playfully. 
He looked up at me, "I'm not giving you a reaction while you're shaving my face, but I've noticed." 
As I finished up showing him my kick ass skills as a barber, we heard a voice downstairs, "Oh, Hugh! Where you at big fella?! It's your favorite Canadian. A little birdie called the media just told me you're with a hot little number. Is she here?" 
We quickly jumped at the sound of his voice, looking at one another, making a run for the door to meet him downstairs.  Ryan looked at us, still wearing the Deadpool suit, "Ah, there she is. Hot little number, this is my humble abode" He chuckled as he swayed his arms around showing me his living room. 
"Why are you in your suit, mate? They actually let you bring Deadpool's suit home?" Hugh asked, smirking, knowing Ryan was instructed to not leave set with the suit. 
Ryan smirked, "Sir, I will have you know, I stole this suit." 
I joked, "Levy is going to beat you."
Ryan laughed, "He can try, but no one can beat me in this suit, darling." 
I rolled my eyes, "Mutton Chops! Look at you." He exclaimed at Hugh, noticing the freshly shaved face. 
Hugh laughed as Ryan's face got serious, "Seriously though, I have a question for you." He said, pointing towards me. 
"And that is?" I asked, furrowing my brows. 
Ryan looked at Hugh and I, "We're rounding up people to play the Deadpool variants. Blake is Lady Deadpool, but there's another female one. Do you want to do it?" He asked. 
I gasped, "Are you serious?" my eyes widened. 
He smirked, "As a heart attack, sister. Plus, I figured it would give Hughy here more time to spend with you."  
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whispereons · 1 year
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Oracle!Reader Part 1
Masterlist - Part 2
A light zap of electricity made your cheek tingle, urging you awake. Sleepily, you opened your eyes and were greeted with a rundown room with no furniture. The strange sight woke you up immediately and you sat up.
What the hell? This isn't your home, fuck, this doesn't even look like somewhere in your city!
As you surveyed the surroundings with more urgency, thoughts of the day before came to mind.
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You were only supposed to drop off the money from the scams to your boss. Your forte wasn't fighting yet when you entered the rundown building, there was tension in the air.
Your boss glowered at the woman across the room. Before you could even ask one of your coworkers what's happening, guns were drawn. In less than 5 seconds the building became a mess of fighting, gun shots, and noise.
Trained instincts of running kicked in and you were already slipping past brawls trying to get to the nearest exit. The money was already dropped off, your boss couldn't hold shit against you.
Just as you got close to the window, a lanky man shoved you. You only stumbled back and raised your fists. You didn't like to fight but after years of living less than legal, you've learned how to fight long enough to escape.
In 10 minutes you were already walking down the sidewalk with bloody knuckles and a bruised foot. The other guy must be worse since you threw him into the window before escaping.
It's just your luck that a police car pulls up beside you. Stopping, you flash a smile to the officer as he rolls down the window.
"Sorry to bother you so late but I noticed that you're a little hurt. Do you need me to bring you to a hospital?"
What he's really asking is what got you hurt, but you keep your cool and answer with cheeriness.
"It's really nothing. I was just at the bar down the street with a friend when some people started getting rowdy. They got kicked out before anyone could really get hurt but I still got a little banged up."
You point to the bar that you passed by that's in full swing. The officer eyes you for a moment before asking a follow-up question.
"And what about your friend? Where are they, are they okay?"
Your tone drops a little as you reply. "Their wonderful partner picked them up so I left. I mean it's not like I have any lover to pick me up. What can a poor single person like me do?"
The officer instantly becomes bored and says a quick goodbye before driving off. You roll your eyes at the predictable action and continue walking home. Lying has become a natural habit for you and you've become damn good at it.
You finally get home to your shitty studio apartment in the seedy part of the city. Locking the door, you trudge to your computer as you ignore the screams from other apartments. You boot it up and start eating the cheap fast food you picked up.
First you check on the scam ads you posted to see which poor sucker fell for it. You forward the card information to another coworker and consider yourself done with work for the day.
Were you a bad person for being a scam artist? Yeah. Did you wish that you could have a normal job that doesn't involve hurting people? Hell yeah. Have you ever been able to? Nope.
You click the little Paimon app to run Genshin to distract yourself from those meaningless thoughts. You've been stuck in those loops long enough to know it's useless to dwell on them.
The mindless commissions are just what you need to relax. You smile at the sight of Bennett's idle before farming for the most annoying materials; Handguards.
You finish combing through most of the Inazuma islands before teleporting to Seirai Island. The statue of the seven heals your party from any damage that occurred.
Leaning back in your chair, you stretched your arms, sighing as the tension is released from your body. Deciding to turn in for the night, you exit out of Genshin.
Well, you tried at least.
No matter how many times you clicked, it just wouldn't exit. Brushing it off as a bug, you just shut down the device.
Instead of shutting down, the screen showed the doors to Celestia. With no prompt, the doors opened and the white flash shined into your eyes.
Cringing at the harsh light you waited for it to stop.
It didn't.
It got brighter and brighter before it completely enveloped you.
--------------------------
Feeling more awake after remembering, you look around the house. Other than the creaky bed you were on, nothing else was in the house. You stand up and nearly trip over a bag at your feet.
Opening it, you find nothing but you decide to take it just in case. That's when you notice that your knuckles are completely healed. No blood, bandages or pain.
You check your body and see that although scars have remained, all your minor cuts and bruises have healed without a trace. Feeling creeped out you try to leave the house. The nearly broken door takes a good amount of strength to push open but you do and stumble out.
The sight of purple thundering skies, floating rocks, and a statue of the seven shocks you. You stumble on the squeaky plants and hard cobblestone as you get closer to the edge.
White trees with purple leaves, blue grass and Naku Weed surround the ground. It's the same area where you tried to log off. There was no way you were in Genshin Impact; Shit like this only happens in fiction.
Hallucination, death, dream, or pulled into a fictional world. Your mind whirls those four possibilities. You stomp on what should have been your bruised foot. It's painful, but not as much as a bruised foot.
With death and dream off the list you walk to the small tree with purple leaves. An Otogi tree, your mind helpfully supplies. You press a hand against the bark and feel the leaves carefully. The sensation is too real and you're too steady to be hallucinating.
You must really be in Tevyat. You were never attached to Earth but being suddenly thrust here is still a bit jarring. You look at the statue of the seven and contemplate your next decision.
From what you remember, anyone who isn't from Teyvat should be allowed to take elemental power from the statue. Biting your lip you approach the statue and place a hand on the gold accessories.
You marvel at how the statue glows at your presence but when you look at your hands, you feel no difference. It seems you wouldn't be a main character in this world either.
Shrugging it off, the excitement of actually being in Teyvat started to well up inside you. You walk down the desecrated dirt and cobblestone path as you admire Seirai Island.
While walking you freeze at the sight of two Fatui soldiers at a camp. You could fight people and escape, but Fatui soldiers? Fuck no. You didn't plan to die this fast.
You sneak along the houses to your left all while trying to remember Seirai's layout. If you wanted to survive in this world, you would need to get to civilization. You needed a boat cause there was no way in hell you were swimming in water that could be struck with lightning at any moment.
You follow the left path that seems to lead to the shore. Fuck, a mirror maiden is walking the same path right towards your direction. With some fast thinking and only a small dose of panic, you scale the rocks on your right.
They were thankfully small enough that your minor skills could be utilized well enough. Breathing heavily, you lay down on the soft blue grass. You close your eyes and open them swiftly at something tingly but smooth on your nose.
It's an electro Crystalfly. Purple and beautiful. You lay there mesmerized before it flies off gently. You stand up in a daze and struggle not to blindly follow it.
You walk along the cliff's edge while being careful not to fall. You can't risk going onto the grass in fear of a spector chasing you. Yet another thing that can end your new life.
Once far away enough from the mirror maiden, you slowly climb down and feel relieved at not breaking a bone. The path splits into two and you contemplate which one would lead to the Waverider.
Logically you know the chance of the waverider working for you was small, but the chance of you finding an intact boat was even smaller. Your train of thought is broken by the sounds of machines whirring from the right path.
You curse yourself and start sprinting down the left path to get away. Forgetting the existence of Ruin Sentinels almost cost you your life, but due to your panic, you almost sprinted straight into a different Ruin Sentinel.
Skidding to a stop, you hastily walk around it while sweating bullets. Thankfully it didn't notice you and you praise your good luck. You walk more alert to the waverider but stop at the teleport waypoint.
Out of simple curiosity, you touch the teleport structure. It glows similar to how it did in the game. But instead of red turning blue, the blue turned gold.
A smile forms on your face as your mind races with the possibilities that this could mean. Excitedly, you run to the waverider and touch it. Its blue turns gold and a boat is summoned onto the water.
It's not the same boat as the travelers, in fact you would even say it's better. Climbing into your boat you marvel at how much space it has. There is a small screen in the middle with a handprint.
There is no steering wheel or any other controls. You put your hand on it and say the first island that comes to mind. "Take me to Kannazuka Island."
The boat begins to move and you sit down on the couch. The whole boat feels luxurious to the point where you feel out of place; as if you're the sole piece of dirt on it.
But you don't have to be trash anymore. This world is kinder to people that couldn't finish school or can't stay in one spot. You wanted to try a normal job, maybe set up a stall or shop. Work as a normal, legal worker, or even become an adventurer. If reckless Pallas could do it, surely you could.
No more lying, no more crime.
The boat stops and you get off as you try to remember which part of the island you stopped at. There's a waverider and a teleport waypoint close together. That's on the right side of the Tatarasuna also known as the place where Kunikuzushi died and became Scaramouche.
After tapping both the waverider and teleport waypoint, you walk closer to the main part of the island. You remember farming this place for the handguards which explains why there is no Nobushi.
After passing the broken down ship part, you spot a tree with lavender melon. Excitedly and with hunger you get close and pick the lowest hanging fruit.
It's juicy and unlike any fruit you've eaten before. Which isn't a lot since fruit is expansive. You stroll down the shore as you finish the fruit.
You recognize the area on the left as a place where a quest had a fight. Walking on it you smile at seeing it in person. It's really amazing how you're actually here. And holy shit is that Ei?
The archway made of rock that leads into Tatarasune has Ei standing right there. You freeze and your breathing slows down as you try not to be noticed.
Ei was a complex character meaning that she will cause a lot of trouble for the peaceful and lawful existence you planned to live here.
As you try to walk away casually you hear her mutter something interesting.
"I could have sworn I felt their presence somewhere here."
Ei locks eyes with you making you freeze. You should greet her with her long ass title but there was no way you remembered that. Instead you give a small bow and speak politely.
"Please forgive my intrusion. I hope I haven't-"
"How dare you."
"I'm sorry wha-"
"Who are you? Which nation are you from? How dare you show such disrespect toward Their Holiness?!"
Her glare is firm and her voice grows louder. Gaping at the sudden hostility, you take a step back when she starts to pull out her Musou-no-something.
Ei's words are barely registered in your brain as you scramble for a way to escape.
"Someone with the same face as the creator is an anomaly. No one has ever been born with their face yet you, a mere human mortal, has it. I shall sacrifice you to them for impersonating the creator's image."
It's like her one track mind as a soldier has taken over Ei again. You yell the first thing that comes to mind that can help you escape while pointing behind her.
"OH MY GOD, IS THAT MAKOTO YOUR TWIN SISTER?!"
Ei freezes and immediately whips her head to look behind her. You don't hesitate to book it back to the boat.
'Just keep running, just keep running.' You sing frantically to yourself as you hear Ei chase after you. You yelp in pain when lightning starts striking your heels with every step.
She's toying with you, you realize. She wants to know how you could possibly know about her sister. She won't kill you yet but you know she won't hesitate to harm you severely.
The boat comes into view and you jump into it. The water that you splashed in, in your hurry makes your feet hurt more.
"Do you think that boat can protect you from me?"
You sit on the floor and try to think up a solution but the pain coursing through your body is hindering you. But you already know that you can't drive the boat or else she'll destroy it.
"Tell me how you know her name. How do you know her connection to me? How much more do you know about us?"
None of your regular tactics can work on her, not without risking death. You look at your lap for some kind of solution and notice your hands glowing. A small plan begins to form and instead you answer her with a distraction.
"Do you truly believe that I'm the only person alive that knows about her?"
Ei goes silent and you take advantage of the time to try to figure out what's happening with your hands. As much as you hope you gained elemental powers, you doubt that it can actually help you when an archon is trying to harm you.
You feel like spiderman as you make various hand gestures with your hands trying to figure out what the deal is with the glowing. It's the simple gesture of putting your hands together and pulling them apart that makes the glowing leave your hands and form a small screen.
"Did Celestia send you down here? Did you have a mission from them to use the Creator's form to dig up information?"
As the screen glows white and shows the Genshin Impact logo, your breath hitches. Your only hope is to let Ei draw her own conclusions from your answers as you hope your new power can help you.
"Celestia, huh? If Celestia themself took on the form of the Creator for their plans, do you think they would succeed?"
Thunder strikes louder after you say that. The logo leaves and shows the traveler on the beach in Mondstadt. You don't think about the weirdness of that before teleporting Lumine to where you are at.
"What are you implying-"
Ei's words are cut off as the sound of teleporting rings through your ears unlike the game audio has ever done before. On the screen the traveler stands next to a gold teleport waypoint with Ei nowhere to be seen. You smile at the implication.
You look out the boat and don't see Lumine there. You look back at the screen only to find it gone. You make the gesture and the screen reappears. It's only when you look away from the teleport waypoint that the screen finally loads.
Lumine is still standing next to the gold teleport waypoint. After teleporting her back to the beach you close the screen. With the Ei threat somewhat subdued, you feel safe enough to collapse on the couch.
Lazily you tell the ship to sail to Narukami Island, Ei would still come after you. Anywhere is better than your present location. An idea forms in your mind and you clarify. "Bring me to Amakane Island."
Your mind processes the information of a Creator, your resemblance, the screen, and new threats. The first step is clear as day. The little shop on Amakane Island that sells masks is your first stop.
Hello anybody that reads this. I have started another fic series. Again. There is a large chance that I'll get burnt out and not finish it. But I hope you enjoyed this. The next chapter should have what I really wanted to talk about which is Oracle!Reader.
Taglist: @vvyeislazzy, @nikqi, @the-dumber-scaramouche, @etherisy, @yourlocalstranger123, @ra404, @iruiji, @goldenglow149, @haru-tofuu, @lsleepysimpl [Edit: This chapter has been updated by my dear editor on 8/19/23]
2K notes · View notes
ichore · 9 months
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synopsis: two stressed, hot babes (you and shoko) decide to have spontaneous one night stand in a car
a/n: gotta love women
tags: MINORS DNI, shoko ieiri x fem!reader, smut with no plot, car sex, alcohol consumption, cunnilingus (both receiving and giving), scissoring/tribbing, they're both adults, reader still lives with strict parents, ending is nonexistent, not proofread
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"I'll pick you up in an hour." the text had you widen your eyes in both surprise and excitement, your lips gently curving into a smile as you clicked on the small profile picture to view your new hookups' pictures once again. A doctor (you assumed, based on her white lab coat) with long brown hair, a sweet exhaustion dwelling in her brown gaze above lilac eye bags. Cool was what you would've described her if you ever happened to come across her on the street, but now that she was in between your dating app matches and you talked with her for mere 30 minutes, hot suited her better.
When you stepped out on your front door an hour later, the chill of the night tickled your freshly shaved skin on and in between your legs, making you more aware of your swelling wetness - as if you didn't already face it in the shower. Shoko was leaned against her car, her black mini skirt poking out from under her black leather coat. God, the way she instantly devoured every detail about you with her tired eyes while her soft, glossed lips wrapped around the butt of her near finished cigarette, it nearly made you just drag her upstairs and ignore the fact your parents would've heard everything.
"Everything alright?" she asked, her velvety voice jolting you out of your lustful reverie.
"Yeah, I just..." you started, your eyes immediately leaving hers when she tossed away the cigarette butt, revealing her cleavage from under her coat. "I'm not sure where we should do it. My place is a no-go, and you said the same about your own."
"The backseat of my car is quite comfortable." she said as she opened the passenger door for you. A slight smirk curved her lips when you glanced at the backseats that were completely folded down, leaving a wider, blanket covered space. This wasn't her first time, you thought, as you fastened your seatbelt and Shoko started the car. The clouds of her blueberry candy perfume wrapped you around as the radio played Cheri Cheri Lady, a mix of rain and snow flying against the windshield as she kept driving on nearly empty roads.
"I have wine back there if you're interested. No glasses, though." said Shoko. Perhaps she knew you were a bit anxious about the whole ordeal and that alcohol might help you ease up a bit. If she did, she was right; your fingers wrapped around that bottle of red wine in no time, you put it to your lips, and drank of that sweet nectar without hesitation. The rich taste coated your tongue, making you realize that it was no cheap alcohol that you just gulped down, while the warmth from your stomach began to spread towards your limbs.
"Already blushing from a sip of wine, how adorable" Shoko cooed as one of her hands left the steering wheel to caress your exposed thigh. The soft of her fingertips felt cold against your flesh, making you shiver a little under her touch. "Oh? Too cold? Maybe you could do something about that."
So you took her hand and kissed her knuckle velvet, the bottom of her fingers, brushed your lips against her freshly manicured nails before you invited her pointy and middle fingers in your mouth. Your eyes watched Shoko's eyes darken, and her smirk deepened as your tongue caressed her fingers, gently sucked on them like the good girl she had already knew you were while she drove her car onto a small road surrounded by woods.
Your heart jumped a little when you realized you were really in the middle of nowhere, but you would have been lying if you said the thrill of it all didn't make you wetter than you already were. As if she read your mind, Shoko took her fingers out of your mouth to frame your flushed cheeks in her hands as her lips finally collided with yours. Her lip gloss and yours mixed into a sweet coat, melting on your tongue when she pushed hers into your mouth. She smiled and gently moaned into the kiss when your hand traveled from her cheek to her breast, she felt your hand hesitate a little when you realized she didn't have a bra on.
"Go ahead, princess." A chuckle bubbled in Shoko's chest as she took off her coat and top, revealing her perfectly erect nipples inviting you for a taste. She yelped a little when your mouth nearly devoured her breast as your hand fondled the other, your tongue teasing that slightly brown nipple with hunger while she caressed the top of your head with one hand as her other hand helped you get rid of your coat.
"I see you can barely wait to get your pussy ate." she said when your tongue wetted her cleavage as you made your way up to the soft crook of her neck. A firm grab on your hair made you look into her eyes; you were both flushed and drunken with lust. "God, you're so cute, I can't wait to ruin you. Climb on the backseat!"
Already half naked and the car already warmed up, you thought it best if you didn't open the door to go to the back of the car. Instead, you took her words literally and began to climb through the front seats to get to your destination; unbeknownst to you, your dress lifted up and you had your entire wetness on display right in Shoko's face. A big mistake, you realized soon when she held you back by gripping into the flesh of your ass and spread your cheeks wide. "What a naughty girl. No panties, and already soaking wet from just kissing a stranger." she smacked your ass, leaving a tingling feeling of pain that only made you more wet. "Are you a bad girl?"
"Yes," you moaned as Shoko began to kiss your inner thigh, leaving a bite and another slap on your ass as she found your answer unsatisfactory. "Yes, mommy."
Like a divine gift, her tongue gathered your hot wetness between your folds as you held yourself up with your two arms as your tummy rested on the front seats. Shoko hummed, licked and sucked on every inch of your wet pussy as if it was her last meal on Earth; her nails teased against your skin before spanking you when you wanted to hold back your sweet moans. When the soft of her thumb began to caress your clit, you could not hold back anymore. Your shameless screams and moans filled the car and the woods as she devoured your pussy and played with your clit until another gush of wetness stained Shoko's face and your legs trembled with your first orgasm. "Good girl, go and lay down."
With a cloudy mind and shaking limbs, you obeyed. Your eyes lazily followed her figure as she got rid of her clothes, tossing them to a dark corner of the car before she climbed on top of you to embrace you in another sloppy kiss. The taste of your own juices tingled with sweetness against your tongue as she stained your face with the cum that you orgasmed on her. "Sit on my face...please." Your begging made her smile once again, her exhausted eyes livening up with lust once more before she maneuvered herself around in the tiny space to use your face like her personal saddle while your nose teased her clit.
"Ah, look how excited you got me." Shoko whimpered as her own wetness started get licked away by you as your hands held into her waist. From your view, she looked like a goddess; the interior light of the car shone gold in her dark brown hair, her brown eyes gazed down upon you with want and need, one of her hand teasing her beast as the other raked through your hair, her battle scars from the past faint on her abdomen as you eagerly devoured her freshly trimmed pussy. Her looks alone made you lose your mind, but her voice could make you cum once again without her touching you - and you were determined to make her scream in pleasure.
"Oh, my" she moaned when your hands found her chest, your fingers eagerly and roughly playing with her nipples. The way it made her arch her back, it made you tongue her hole faster as you rubbed your nose against her clit. You knew she was close to cumming when her grip in your hair tightened and she couldn't help, but rock her hips against your face. To both of your surprise, you welcomed her orgasm with firm slaps on her ass. Whereas she clearly enjoyed the spanking, she knew she could not let you get away with such a thing.
Before you knew it, the cold air hit your wet face and Shoko's wet pussy was placed against yours. "So fucking wet, hng." she whimpered to herself, biting her lip as she began to massage her folds with yours, her arms holding onto one of your legs as she began to roughly rock her hips. Wet clit against wet clit, pussy on pussy - the sensation nearly drove you mad, your throat already feeling hoarse and dry from the screams you simply could not hold back as your nails dug into Shoko's waist.
"Hmm, I'm gonna cum." you moaned, making Shoko whimper "Oh, yeah?" before she grabbed both of your legs and folded them up against your chest as she held you from under your knees. The pose left you feeling completely dominated and exposed before Shoko began to vehemently her pussy against yours once again, the wet sounds nearly disappearing between the high-pitched screams and moans as you both ride through the orgasm.
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callapilla · 9 months
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so my last post lost traction after a couple donations (thank you so, so very much). please don't tag this to keep it from getting auto flagged
links are here and here.
i need $2500. i have no savings left and i need to get the fuck out of missouri, the only way to do that is to get a cheap car off fb marketplace so i can get my pets and belongings out with me. i am barely scraping by paycheck to paycheck.
if you have any way to help me i deeply appreciate it. i prefer $app over pp, as it deposits directly into my savings account for the former.
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Some notes for anyone writing a character with glasses, from someone who wears glasses everyday:
- glasses need to come off before changing a shirt, unless it has a really big collar. Otherwise, glasses will get ripped off by said shirt collar.
- weather will affect how well you can see out of them, especially rain. Raindrops will dot glasses and it’s like trying to drive a car in the rain without working windshield wipers. Snow sometimes does this too, but not as bad, and lots of dust kicking up will make glasses dirty and foggy. If it’s humid enough (talking like swampy, Deep South levels, weather app says “90-100% humidity”), glasses will fog up when you step outside. If it’s crazy windy, glasses can fly off and the character should hold onto them or take them off and put them somewhere safe. They’ll usually get dirty or break in a pants pocket, so maybe have character carry around a sturdy glasses case if needed.
- not all materials are good for wiping glasses off. Some shirt materials just make it worse.
- if your character’s glasses are super dirty or smudged, they will be able to see it 24/7 as they look around and it’s annoying af.
- although glasses can keep things from getting in a character’s eyes (like something that’s been sprayed), it doesn’t protect our eyes all the time, especially if it’s coming at an angle or there’s a large amount. For that, you’d need actual safety glasses or goggles (and yes, they do make prescription goggles, but they’re not cheap).
- speaking of waves, for the love of god, DO NOT have your character swim with their glasses on. At best, they’ll get wet and they won’t be able to see. At worst, if they’re forced underwater or an ocean wave smacks them in the face, they’ll fly off and/or break.
- a crack in glasses is actually annoying af and makes it very hard to see.
- if a character’s face is wet, like from sweat or a ton of rain, their glasses will continuously slide down their nose and they’ll need to keep pushing them back up.
- lots of liquids other than water will make glasses opaque.
- glasses should be fitted pretty well to a person’s head. So if the character’s face is dry or there’s a moderate amount of wind, the “legs” that go behind their ears should be tight enough that they don’t just constantly fly off or slip down their nose. If they do, they’re too big (but obviously something a tornado will make them fly off).
- although I hate the whole “they took off their glasses and now they’re a ✨ model ✨” trope, people do tend to look very different with glasses on vs off - especially a character like Harry Potter who constantly wears their glasses. It’s not unrealistic that people who don’t know the character well (or even those who do, but just aren’t as quick) won’t recognize them at first without their glasses.
- as far as I know (correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve never been able to do this), if a lens pops out of the frames, it can’t be popped back in by non-professionals without the right tools. The glasses are just done for.
- if your character has contacts in (or this is a psa for anyone who wears contacts), DO NOT have them rub their eyes. The contact will pop out and they’re very translucent and tiny, so trust me, it will just fall and be lost forever.
- being able to see clearly out of one eye and not the other (like with a broken/missing lens or a contact falling out) causes headaches.
- glasses are expensive af in the US (idk about other places). One time when I didn’t have vision insurance, an eye exam and two frames with lenses (I have blue eyes and very extreme light sensitivity, so have to have prescription sun glasses as well as regular glasses) cost over $900USD. If you want the special frames that become tinted and basically turn into sunglasses when you walk outside, it will cost extra.
- speaking of those lenses that become tinted when you walk outside, they take awhile to fade back to normal after you go back inside. Your character needs to be prepared to still be “wearing” sunglasses for the first 5-10 minutes after they walk inside.
- if a character is wearing contacts, they can wear normal sunglasses. If not, they’ll need special prescription sunglasses to be able to see. You cannot wear prescription sunglasses with contacts in or you won’t be able to see anything. Ever tried to look through your friend’s glasses and everything’s weird and warped and giving you a headache? That’s what it will look like.
- not exactly glasses related, but people with lighter colored eyes will always have worse light sensitivity than people with darker eyes. I have very blue eyes and looking up at the sky on a sunny day will literally make me see stars, and especially if I’m driving towards the sun while it’s setting, I have to have my sunglasses on or I literally will not be able to see and tears will be leaking out my eyes the whole way home.
- speaking of prescription sunglasses, unless your character can see pretty far without their glasses or they’re far sighted, you cannot just take prescription sunglasses off and still be able to see, especially while driving. You just have to deal with it and keep the sunglasses on and look like a Matrix wannabe if it gets cloudy or starts raining, or you have to do the super speedy Dance of Death where you’re still watching the road in front of you, taking off one pair of glasses and putting the other on super fast (which usually requires you to use your mouth to open and close things).
- GLASSES ARE FRAGILE. Seriously, a very petite person could sit in them and snap them in half. They’re not something you want your character just throwing around.
- there are varying levels of how well someone can see. There’s farsightedness and nearsightedness. Some people don’t have that much trouble and can see pretty far, so only wear their glasses as needed. But some people (aka moi) can genuinely only see a few inches in front of their face. Like if I ever lost my glasses or they broke, I’d be done for. I wouldn’t be able to work or drive or do anything around the house.
- glasses need to be replaced about once a year because of possible prescription changes or sometimes lenses losing their strength and becoming harder to see through. Trying to tough it out after long enough will give your character headaches/migraines and sore eyes from eye strain.
- some mascaras (especially thick ones) will smudge glasses when the character blinks. Same with false lashes (although they’ll brush instead of smudge). Usually less intense mascaras and shorter fake lash lengths are better.
- eye makeup is harder to see with glasses on.
- please, please, PLEASE stop using the whole “omg look how much prettier/more attractive they are without their glasses” trope. Not everyone’s eyes can handle contacts and some people prefer wearing their glasses. And it makes those of us who prefer glasses or have to wear them feel like shit, especially because there aren’t a lot of characters with glasses in media who don’t become the butt of a joke (ie the one wearing glasses is the “ugly duckling” for it like in princess diaries, or like Velma from scooby doo always losing them and patting around, or people who wear glasses will always be some sort of dorky/insufferable know it all).
- glasses come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and can be used to actually enhance a character’s style! Some of them even have magnetic frames that click in place over the simple pair, so have fun using glasses to build your character’s style.
- edit to add: no one ever purposely falls asleep with their glasses on. You will crush and break them when you roll around. However, if a character does accidentally fall asleep with them on, a love interest gently taking them off so they don’t wake them up and setting them on the table next to them can be a super cute moment.
- whoops thought of some more. Hair products, especially hairspray, can be a bitch to get off glasses and doesn’t always just rinse off with water. If they’re spraying anything, including dry shampoo, the glasses have gotta come off and get out of the line of fire first.
- hair can and will get caught in the little hinge by the legs and we do occasionally not notice till we take our glasses off and rip a hair out of our heads.
- be careful when you comb or brush, cuz if the glasses legs get caught in the brush or comb, it will be ripped off our face.
Hope this helps! May the writing gods bless your work 🤓
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rad1og1rl · 2 months
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About to board some flights , had a lil inspo for my fav Jaybird <3
no tws besides flight anxiety ? unedited.
fluff, pre-established relationship, gn reader, comfort for jason from reader.
Jason didn’t like flying. He hadn’t flown since he went to find his mother, and the trauma which ensued after that didn’t help his anxiety. But you hadn’t seen your parents since you moved to Gotham, and you wanted them to meet your boyfriend of 2 years. They had only spoken to him on the phone.
So you wrestled him into flying to your parent’s lake house in New Hampshire. Only a 2 hour flight, and within the United States. Easy, short and simple. You even took over packing for him, buying everything and anything TSA-approved and measuring every bag for carry-ons.
You went through his closet and held stuff up for him to approve or deny, and rolled everything into a suitcase and stuffed it to the brim. Your stay was two weeks in a guest room, and you wanted to make sure he was as comfortable as possible .
Luckily , your flight was not a red eye for the surprisingly cheap price. You were set to depart at 12:30 PM and arrive around 2:30.
The day of the flight, all packed up and ready to go, you noticed Jason pacing around the living room quietly. “Jay, honey , what’s wrong ?” You asked, lightly treading into the living room and tapping him lightly.
“Just..just nerves. Haven’t flown in a while, y’know?” He says, turning to face you. “It’s okay hon, you should get a drink before we get on. The airport is one of the only places you can day-drink and no one says anything.” You say, laughing. He nods and maintains a frown, and you take his face in your hands and rub your thumbs across his skin lovingly. “Jason, it will be fine.” He sighs and pulls back, nodding and grabbing his suitcase and backpack from the couch. “Seriously , Jason. New Hampshire is nice! There’s not a lot of crime, and lots of nature, and my parents are gonna love you.” You say, keeping your gaze focused on him.
“Oh! Our Uber is here ! We gotta go!” You say, scrambling to grab the matching suitcases and your backpack. You grab Jason’s muscular bicep and drag him out the door, locking it behind you and pushing him towards elevator of your apartment complex.
Upon exiting the elevator doors and arriving in the parking lot, the Uber is parked closely to the sidewalk. The driver pops open the trunk and Jason takes it upon himself to load up the trunk with all the luggage , being mindful of the attached neck pillows on each handle. Jason opens the back door of the car for you and shuts it, joining you on the opposite side and watching the driver start up the car.
The driver pulls away and heads onto the main road, playing music and allowing you to talk to Jason. “I texted my parents that we’re on our way to the airport , and they’re really excited to meet you.” You said, starting the conversation. Jason smiled slightly and grabbed your hand with his larger, calloused one and held it tightly. It was these little things that Jason did to let you know how he felt. Anxious but loved . Excited and nervous and probably more. “It’s okay , Jay. It’s just one flight. And we won’t have to fly anywhere else anytime soon.” You said, running your fingers across some scarring on his knuckles. “And hey, maybe next time, we can drive over. Make it a road trip! See some roadside attractions or something. Wouldn’t that be fun?” You add, smiling at the idea. Jason takes a liking to it as well, evident by his grin.
“Yeah, y’know I’d love that.” He said, grinning. “We could rent a van, and drive through national parks. Oh! And imagine reading a book overlooking beautiful lakes and scenery. That’s what we’ll do next visit. We’ll drive!” You say, cheerfully which seems to loosen Jason up slightly.
The car pulls up into the assigned gate, and Jason steps out first, opening up your door and taking your hand to pull you out. You thank the Uber and tip him on the app, and Jason pulls all the luggage out of the trunk, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and holding yours until you take it from him after putting your phone away. You bid the Uber farewell and grab your suitcase handle from Jason, and you trudge forward into the bustling Gotham airport.
You pull up the boarding passes on your phone and head straight for TSA, looking back to make sure Jason was following. He trails behind with a nervous tick on his face, which looked more aggressive due to his overall appearance. You hoped he would loosen up once you got him something at a bar.
Passing through TSA and it’s miserable lines, you drag Jason with you to your assigned gate and look around for a bar, quickly spotting one and beelining for it. Jason orders a gin and tonic, and you push him to sit down near the gate. 1 hour till the flight, and you both are okay. Travel-size bottles, clear bags for liquids , and you’re 85% sure you didn’t overpack. You’re okay. Jason seems okay too, nursing his drink while taking in the surroundings.
“Jay, you don’t need to be in vigilante mode right now. Literally nothing gets through TSA. This is a vacation, not a mission.” You said, sighing as you watch him survey the area suspiciously. “Sorry… just… a force of habit, y’know ? Always alert.” He says, downing the rest of his drink in a quick gulp.
“I packed you a book in your backpack by the way,” You start, glancing at him. “It’s called ‘East of Eden’, by John Steinbeck. I think it’s American classic literature…. it’s supposed to be a retelling of the book of Genesis. It was on sale at Barnes & Nobles so…..” You trail off, gauging his expression. He nods and taps his large fingers on his dark jeans, one finger at a time. “It’s for the flight , and our downtime at the house. There’s probably not movies on the flight because they usually only have that for long haul flights. Maybe one day we can take a long haul flight ? Just once, to … I don’t know , Ireland ? London? Where would you want to go?”
He glances at you and cracks the smallest smile, and nods before reaching for your waist, grabbing it with his rough, large hands and hugging you, leaning his head in the crook of your neck. “Ya know I’d go anywhere as long as it’s with you. But Ireland …. doesn’t sound half bad.” You smile at his admission and hug him back, glancing at the tv detailing the time. You’d be boarding in 10 minutes, one group at a time. You were group 4.
10 minutes of future travel plans, and you grab Jason’s hand to stroll on over to the boarding station. You scan your boarding passes once more and end up as seats 26 E & F . Jason takes your suitcase and hauls it up into the overhead compartment , his following suit. Ever the gentleman, he helps an old woman with hers as well , storing it for her and then following you to your assigned seats, sliding your backpacks under the seats in front of you. You then motion for him to take the window seat.
He looks like he isn’t exactly fond of the idea, but obliges. You scoot in next to him and immediately yank up the arm rest, wanting to be as near to him as possible. You lean against him and hold his hand and wait for the other passengers to board, enjoying the bustling atmosphere of the airplane filling up.
When everyone is seated, and the plane starts rolling down the runway, you feel Jason’s hand in your own tense up, and you squeeze it reassuringly.
You glance at him, as he looks out the window and then back at you, and the plane prepares for takeoff .
“You ready?” You ask.
He squeezes your hand back, “Ready.”
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nanamis-bigtie · 4 months
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Round 1: Hot Singles in Your Area
about, rules & navigation | remember you vote for a character you don't want to advance further
It's the first day of your long-awaited vacation. You've just unpacked, changed into a beach wear, and chosen yourself a cozy sunbed under a sunshade a few steps away from the warm sea. With a sweet drink in your hand, you poke lazily at Tinder, with no particular goal on mind except for an appetite for a hot fling. After all, what's a good trip without spicy stories to tell?
As expected from an area known for its popularity among those who are looking for wide range of sensations, you're soon flooded with a huge number of potential dates. You can be as picky as you want, you learn after a few preliminary swipes left and right—you won't run out of options easily, and if only you had time and strength to do so, you could squeeze a few nice dates out of your location.
This is going to be your most fruitful vacation to date!
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Profile One: Toji Fushiguro ELIMINATED
Out of a few photos he added only one includes his face - and it's not even the one set as his profile one. You're welcomed by an awkwardly cut and angled view of his torso and arm holding the phone for a mirror shot, flash blurring the part that would reveal the lower half of his face. It's not something you would expect from a man of this kind of posture. Muscular men like to flex their assets, but he seems to try hiding them. No awkward pose or amount of baggy clothes can help with a body like his, though.
The photo where you can see him whole shows him crouching next to a dog, hand on its back. It's of bad quality but you can catch a glimpse of his expression and it's far gentler than you assumed it to be with what you've already seen.
You can't learn much from the included description. It's short, dry, written with proper grammar and spelling but with no particular care for the impression it carries. He comes across as an extremely lonely, maybe even depressed, person but there's a shadow of unwavering confidence to him. It is somewhat impressive, especially with the glimpse of his musculature visible on the photos.
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Profile Two
At the first glance you can tell that this man is...a lot. A lot of charm, a lot of gleam, a lot of photos taken by a shaking hand and always under ridiculously bad angles. Every field possible is filled to its maximum capacity, and even then, a lot of words are slurred into barely legible abbreviations. Only the listed he/him pronouns are normal. You're even a bit surprised that they're so...ordinary and traditional. Such a person could easily use some extravagant neopronouns.
Upon closer look you realize he knows how to dress well. If not for the questionable quality of the photos, you would bet he hired a stylist or is a stylist himself. In contrast to his beaming personality, his style is simple and classic. His outfits could be either embarrassingly cheap or stinking expensive. You can't spot any sports cars nor trendy locations in the background, so you're ready to bet on the first option.
You like his smile, very authentic, almost overdone, adding tons to the striking contrast between his appearance and age listed in the bio. Maybe he's a college junior trying to pass as someone older to attract mature partners? He's too awkward and flamboyant to be suspicious but...yeah, his gallery really looks like a student's.
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Profile Three
There are only three photos, taken exactly in the same pose, in outfits so similar to each other that at the first glance they look identical too. The man has a pleasantly looking face, but you can't shake off the impression that he's not fully comfortable posing for a picture. As if he really didn't want to be on a dating app but circumstances forced him to.
The text part of his profile is more promising. His writing style is elegant, perfectly balancing between formal and playful. He knows how to express himself without overwhelming his reader with words. You're ready to assume he's a professional writer, maybe a blogger or a journalist—or that he received excellent education at the very least.
The most impressive is the list of his hobbies and interests. He's truly tried from every plate life can offer—and he still claims to be ready to explore even more. From art and music to astrophysics, he's been everywhere, including a few of your fields. Even if your goals for the date wouldn't meet, you're ready to bet on having some quality time regardless. It seems too good to be earnest, though; with the smoothness behind his words, he could easily make it all up in a convincing way.
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Profile Four
He added a few photos but in every one he's dressed in exactly the same suit, as if he didn't have any other presentable clothes. It's not a cheap suit, you can tell as much just from the way it hugs his silhouette. You wouldn't be surprised if he was a politician or businessman, maybe someone who works with finances or trade. His face is pleasant to look at but a bit tense, as if he was expecting danger hiding behind a corner. Maybe he doesn't like to have his pictures taken.
He's very straightforward about his expectations regarding his potential partners—and about what he has to offer to them. It feels a little rude but on the other hand, for someone like you, who definitely fits them, it eliminates the risk of dragging feet through the meeting that had no chance of success in the first place. He's definitely not going to beat around the bush, you're sure you're going to know whether you want to see him face to face after a single conversation.
But despite all of that there's a little feeling of an empty shell. He talks a lot about himself, but you can't say you actually know a thing about him. The distance between you two is far more palpable than on any other Tinder profile you've seen.
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Profile Five
There's only one photo of him and despite the casual outfit and setting it feels more appropriate for LinkedIn than Tinder. Even if you can look at him as closely as you want and dig out plenty of information from his surroundings, he still feels like a blank card. It's too earnest to read as a mask or feel off-putting but also too private to slip into any kind of proximity. He has a very calm and pleasant expression and a general vibe of safety to him, but you can't squeeze any other impression out of what you see and it's to a point frustrating.
His description doesn't help you much. It surely was prepared with one of those "perfect Tinder profile" tutorials and filled with necessary data only. It's only one step away from dry if not for the fact he lets you know some aspects of his personality. This caution gets on your nerves a little, but you have to admit you like the style of his words.
One you can say for sure: he must love books and to be in their company. There are more titles listed than his personal data and his photo was taken in a library or a bookshop—as if he tried to tell you this is the environment in which he feels the safest.
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Profile Six
You're not sure if you're more intimidated by him or drawn to him. At the first glance you can tell he's a man of great charisma, but you would lie if you said you wouldn't be concerned if you ran into him on the street. The fact that you can't decipher his expression only adds to the tingling sensation at the back of your head. He seems to be bored and proud of himself all at the same time, posing in a non-threatening way yet beaming with energy that has you alert.
The way he writes about himself is very proper and humble. You would expect it more from a scholar than a man who could crush your skull with his bicep if he only wanted. This and the fact that a lot of his photos show him in proximity of food intrigues you. Maybe it's a way to soften his appearance for the eyes of potential date, maybe a genuine liking for cooking and eating.
He puts a lot of pressure on work out and physical activity in general, both in his visual presentation and description. He doesn't have the gymrat energy but you're ready to assume he's a pro athlete, maybe related to martial arts.
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Profile Seven
At the first glance you're ready to assume this man is divorced, a single father at best. He's giving this energy in tons, no matter the diversity in his photos. There's always something that gives it away and when you see him on a boat that so obviously is a fishing boat you can't help but laugh. This determination to not look as he knows he looks is endearing. He either really is a divorcé and tries to hide it or keeps getting mistaken for such and losing potential dates because of it.
His description pulls your attention away from feeling. He's way more average than you would assume from a man trying to escape the dilf allegations—but not in a boring way, quite contrary. He presents himself as a kind of a guy who's good to be around for his chameleon-like, low effort attitude. A guy you can meet with without having to be worried for his reaction if the meeting wouldn't go as intended. Or rather: a guy you could meet with exactly when you're looking for company that wouldn't lead you to bed.
You can't help but pinpoint some surrendering in him. Maybe he lost all faith in success in the field of love and kept the profile only out of obligation.
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Profile Eight
It's one of the guys that makes you want to swipe right without even taking a second glance. There's something electric about him, something that would make it really hard to refuse, if he asked you for something. Wide smile, eyes beaming with energy, aesthetic yet improvised disarray in hair and clothes—he reminds you of a playful tiny dust devil that can't bring any harm but is strong enough to mess with leaves and other light objects.
He added only three photos and all of them are crowded and taken during parties. There's alcohol and snacks and so many colors it's straining for eyes if you look for too long from closely. He doesn't look like someone who would party hard—well, he doesn't even look his age—but he doesn't look out of place either. It makes sense he would be popular and easy going—and invited to every party in his proximity.
The same energy beams from his words. He's pleasant to read despite the chaotic style and tons of typos. By the time you make it to the last line, you're smiling as bright at him and find yourself hungry for getting more of him. Not in a sexual way, at least not yet, but definitely not weaker than that.
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Profile Nine
Oh, this man couldn't possibly hide in the crowd even if he desperately tried to. In all photos he added he tries to look as casually and approachable as possible but he still just...stands out. What's even more interesting, in every photo he seems to be a completely different person. It's the same face and the same body without a doubt but with each he gives a completely different energy, from an extremely awkward ugly duckling to a gorgeous prime peacock. You take a wild guess it depends on whether he was aware of the camera or not—and on who was taking the photo. None of them is a selfie and it has you curious how he would present himself.
His description is curt, and he doesn't use capital letters. He speaks more about his interests than about himself, a lot of them circulate around music but the bands he lists are so obscure you can't recall a single song. 
Even so, he gives you an impression of a person who's looking less for a fling and more for a relationship—but nothing is said outright. Maybe he's not sure himself, maybe he doesn't know it's appropriate to be so outright on a dating app.
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Profile Ten
You would be really surprised if this man wasn't a professional model. He doesn't say anything about it in his description but the photos he added speak for themselves. He knows how to present himself in the most positive light, smoothly underlining his assets without coming across as narcissistic or pretentious. And he knows how to dress well. His outfits are so meticulous with care it has your chest churning with a little envy.
He smiles in every photo but it's a very faint smile, visible only enough to add warmth to his face. It feels more played than genuine but serves its role right, making him approachable despite the intimidating at first appearance. In one photo he's accompanied by friends or family, and he seems to keep some distance from them, as if he didn't like to be touched.
There's close to no info given about him. Age, pronouns, gender preferences, a little about his interests—and that's it. You learn more about him by scanning through his pictures than from the bits of text. Maybe he's very close and private, maybe he prefers to express himself in a visual way, maybe a bit of both. This shadow of mystery is more intriguing than off-putting, though.
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octuscle · 9 months
Note
hi chronivac guys I wonder if it's possible to become the guy in your disclaimer with the cap and the evil grin or is he just a model for your service? I'm a broker and I really need a timeout like spring break for not being serious
Brother, you should know better than anyone that everything on this planet is a question of price. I will gladly organize a premium spring break for you as my stupid, constantly horny twin brother. I'll send the vouchers for the trip by email and the preset for the Chronivac directly to your app. The setting is such that you should activate it as soon as you're on your way to the airport.
The Uber is right on time in front of the apartment building on the Upper Eastside. As you load your Hermès laptop bag and Rimowa suitcase, the doorman asks you why you're not getting into your limousine but into this pathetic car. You don't react at all, sign out for the next week and get into the back of the car. It smells of sweat, cheap deodorant and tobacco. The driver is perhaps in his early 20s and tells you his whole life story without being asked. He studies business administration and earns a little extra money as an Uber driver. The rents in Manhattan are simply murderous. Instead of looking annoyed out of the window, you ask if you can have a cigarette. Only if you give him one too. Sure thing, bro. That's how it is among Uber drivers. You would do the same, otherwise you wouldn't be able to afford your apartment. The driver asks how many hours you drive to afford an apartment in the building. You laugh and say that your parents live there. When you arrive in Newark, you talk like college buddies. You say goodbye with a fist bump and ask if you're from New Jersey too. In the broadest accent imaginable, you reply that he can take his chances.
You take your army duffel bag and sports bag out of the trunk and look for your check-in desk. You look at your boarding pass. Damn, you're flying with Spirit Airlines? With a change in Atlanta? Who booked this shit? There are already dozens of people in the baggage drop-off queue who obviously want to go to Tampa too. Boomboxes are competing for the most annoying music, even if the sun isn't shining, everyone seems to be sticking to the sun's out, guns out rule. And caps are only worn backwards, of course. You turn your cap backwards. And stuff your down vest into your duffel bag. Sun's out, guns out is written on your mesh fabric tank top.
You almost missed your flight in Atlanta. You're already pretty drunk and one of the guys had his travel bong with him. In a two-hour layover, a bit of weed isn't bad. Thank God you're equipped with enough weed. The sale should finance your vacation. After all, your airbnb room right on the beach wasn't cheap.
You can only use the hour and a half flight to Tampa to sleep off your high. But as soon as you leave the airport building, you take part in a beer can drinking contest. Burp! Hehehe, you had plenty of practice last semester, you deserved to win.
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By the time you get to your shared room, it's already 11:00 pm. The party is in full swing at the pool. You quickly take a picture of yourself and post it on Instgram. Caption: "Watch out stallions n mares, jersey stud is in town" Let the party begin!
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