#cisnormative

[intersexcat-tboy]

Unpacking the Ethics of “Tboy Strap”: Challenging the Language of Delegitimization

[PT: Unpacking the Ethics of “Tboy Strap”: Challenging the Language of Delegitimization]

Hearing about trans men or transmascs topping and instantly thinking "strap" perpetuates transphobia and contributes to antitransmasculinity specifically.

While not an exact parallel, defaulting to the assumption that trans men topping involves a “strap” is similar to defaulting to the assumption that trans women's breasts involve breast forms. Both assumptions overlook how these can be achieved through HRT or surgical means, while also distracting from their true (desired, or) transitioned bodies, reinforcing the unnecessary, often dysphoria-inducing misconception that their gender affirming adaptations are not legitimate aspects of themselves.

Many trans people use language intentionally to reduce dysphoria, but being externally subjected to such framing can reinforce the disconnection from their bodies and identities. It's different when someone uses this language to describe themselves personally, as it reflects their individual relationship. Nevertheless, when this language is applied generally to others, we must think critically about the broader concepts it promotes.

Strap-ons are primarily marketed to those without penises and have strong historical ties to the lesbian community. They are not generally called “strap-ons” when used by cis men who don’t have or cannot use their penis for penetration. Instead, they are simply referred to as hollow dildos or recognized as prosthetics—designed to restore or improve functionality of a body part. It serves to replace a valued, personally integral aspect of their body that is necessary for their quality of life, rather than merely an optional add-on.

In some cases, when used alongside an existing penis for double penetration, it would be more aptly called a strap-on. However, this usage typically doesn’t apply to trans men, as they usually don't use their natal penis for penetration alongside; if involved, it is either stimulated, enhanced, or extended, rather than acting as a secondary penis.

Additionally, in certain dynamics (e.g. orgasm denial, men in chastity, or sissification) the term “strap” is often used to emphasize a rejection of the integration with their identity as men, meant to deny them recognition of their “true” manhood by highlighting their perceived failure to embody masculinity by not using what “truly” makes them a man.

Within chastity, sometimes referred to in kink communities as “reverse pegging,” the humiliation often stems from the implication that because the “strap” is superior to his own flesh—more effective, more satisfying, larger, and thus more aligned with what a “real” man should be able to provide—he is being denied recognition of his “true” manhood. His failure to satisfy with his own flesh renders him lesser; his use of an external object for penetration is framed as proof of his shortcomings in masculinity—a mark of failure to measure up to the patriarchal ideal.

The deliberate focus on performance, emasculation, and delegitimization seeks to humiliate and degender the cis man, framing penetration not as a natural extension of his body, but as an artificial external act performed for someone else’s pleasure.

This concept is similar to how some trans women, or others with dysphoria related to having more erectile tissue than desired, refer to theirs as a “built-in strap” to create distance from their anatomy to alleviate dysphoria. While both can be used roughly to mean “this isn't my real penis, so I'm not really a man”, trans women’s use of the term contrasts with these kink dynamics where "strap" is used to question the legitimacy of the man's manhood, disempower or humiliate him. Instead, trans women commonly use it as a coping mechanism for dysphoria management and as a term of endearment, turning it into a source of empowerment rather than an insult.

In certain contexts, the way “strap” is used in reference to transmascs risks reducing their gender expression to a fetishized, sexual, or kink-based act, framing their sexuality as a performance or role-play rather than an authentic and true expression of who they are. This positions it as something /on/ their bodies rather than /part/ of them.

When "tboy" and "strap" are used together in a mocking or belittling manner, it often carries an underlying implication of infantilization. The combination can evoke images that reduce the experience of trans men to something less serious—like that of children playing dress-up with toys.

For transmascs, these framings reduce their penises to costumes that are put on and taken off for sex, rather than as an extension of their body and identity. They either draw on historical and cultural contexts to position trans men as women, or impose kink dynamics, such as humiliation and sissification, onto trans men's bodies, regardless of whether that reflects their experiences or desires. Both are dehumanizing and deny trans men the same recognition and respect afforded to cis men in similar contexts. Either way, the issue lies in how “strap” frames it as a temporary addition for sexual purposes, suggesting that it isn’t an intrinsic part or expression of their body or identity.

When the tools that help trans people live as our true selves are treated as something “on” our bodies or worn to perform, it reinforces the harmful idea that our gender expression is temporary, artificial, or an act.

Through this objectification, it becomes a decorative, extra addition, or accessory, rather than something inherent to themselves or a necessary function for their quality of life.

If this idea persists—the framing of penetration with an extension of oneself, rather than flesh and blood, as a performative or artificial expression of body/sexuality—it suggests that their experiences are somehow invalid or less authentic. This forces them to navigate the harmful narrative that their bodies, sexuality, and experiences are only legitimate or recognized as real if they conform to external standards. From this continuous confrontation with language that invalidates their bodies or sexuality, internalized shame can cultivate and fester.

All of these ultimately diminish their ability to fully express their gender and sexuality in, and on, their own terms.

[textk4kira]

I've noticed a trend behind the use of the label "transsexual" vs. "transgender".

Oftentimes transmedicalists use transsexual to differentiate themselves from the rest of the trans community.

It's disheartening and quick frankly, appaling.

You will not achieve acceptance in a cisheteronormative society by distancing yourselves from the "bad" or "confusing" trans folks.

Transsexual is a wonderful label, and we cannot allow transmedicalists to take ownership of it.

[bijoumikhawal]

my hot take is astrology is a beige flag. Someone consulting it does not tell you much about their moral or broader spiritual beliefs because its so aggressively popular, apart of a large portion of Western religious history, and people are inherently contradictory. It is the most normal thing in the world for someone to hold contradictory beliefs, especially if they only have a casual interest in one of them- and most people who put a sun sign in their bio or whatever are casuals. Knowing your sun sign is chintzy tourist and tabloid shit.

I can respect being a hater but the posts I've seen over the past year often come off less like genuine hating and more like 1) word slop ("mysticism is inherently fascist" is a take I've seen), or 2) jumping on a bandwagon to be countercultural... much like the original modern astrology girlie. Respect to the real astrology haters, I personally dgaf that much, but they know what they're about and have actual reasoned arguments for it.

Also I think you all need to watch how you talk about it because there is a real risk of slipping into several different forms of racism if you do not consciously avoid them here (anti-Indian, Chinese, and Romani sentiments namely. If you want to criticize the former please be well read on it so you don't say Orientalist nonsense, and if you want to talk about the latter I am personally assigning you the homework of looking up how anti-fortune teller laws were racially motivated in several Western countries)

[fox-guardian]

that advice that's like "don't be passive when someone misgenders your trans friend, act confused and make them feel stupid about it" except I'm not acting. I genuinely forget that people don't see my trans friends/coworkers as the correct gender so they'll be like "she helped me a bit ago" and I'll be like "....who?? there's no women on staff tod- OH YOU MEAN THAT GUY" someone will say "thank you sir" to my tgirl coworker and I'll genuinely be like "what the fuck are they stupid" (that one I don't say out loud to them I don't wanna get fired but the feeling is definitely there)

[angelfacemjj]

Would it be wrong for me to say that all trans people are gender non comformin/transgenderness is inherently non comformin?

If you observe gender roles, you'll end up noticin that gender roles are inherently cisgender/cisnormative. But like, I'm afraid sayin this will exclude trans people who don' consider themselves or don' identity as gender non comformin. So, I wanna hear a third part opinion or open up a civil discussion to get in a conclusion.

Please do not start another queer discourse/queer infightin.

[mikesbasementbeets]

when will people stop being homophobic in the name of bi mike

[elizabethrobertajones]

Can I ask why some people draw Lae’zel without breasts? Honest question.

First of all, the gender of it all. B)

Second of all, the why her, I'd assume is because githyanki are evolved/mutated/however affected by mindflayer enslavement followed by astral plane hive queen type behaviour continuing to shape their species to lay eggs by decree somehow or other, but are basically infertile in all other respects (having once been a race that did have mammalian sex and birth previously, so nothing is too wild here), and lack reproductive capabilities.

Between that and Lae'zel complaining even larger noses are fleshy and wasteful, and the character design making them lean and muscular to a frighteningly honed way in a way that seems fitting to their culture, it DOES seem weird if her species doesn't need them and they don't do anything, they'd keep something as useless as breasts around. Every line she has dripping with scepticism about people's noses and her own race's superior honed sword edge culture is made a bit silly by her having boobs.

Literally the only reason female githyanki have breasts would be character designers not understanding they would be just as hot without and whacking tits on anything that needs to be read as female, and no reason that makes sense in-universe.

So people who find it perfectly reasonable to think a female character is hot whether she has breasts or not, find it much more sensible to create a more streamlined Lae'zel. Honestly I don't even personally get gender vibes (in the sense I'm perfectly fine with my own boobs), and I'm not even hornyposting, I'm just an asexual pedant who picks at the worldbuilding and is pleased that the people who vibe with the good gender feels have propagated so much good sensible titless Lae'zel art XD

[fizzamess]

Sick of the norm

I’m in a process of deconstruction. I’m disecting my brain piece by piece, trying to figure out what things are completely mine, and what others have been there because society told me it was the norm.

Allonormativity, heteronormativity, cisnormativity, amatonormativity. There’s so much that I thought I had chosen to be part of my identity when in reality I only chose it because it was the “best one” out of the options available. But I’m starting to see clearly how everything comes in gradients and spectrums. There is not one single word made by human kind that can encompass all faces of the concept it’s trying to define.

From now on, I’ll be stripping away one by one all things that were once part of my identity because of societal norms and not because I wanted to.

From now on, I’ll be unapologetically myself.

Keep the aroace positivity flowing (day 15)

[ruuari]

from "a trans man walks into a gay bar" by harry nicholas

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

I was repulsed by the idea of marriage until I realised I wanted to marry a woman.

I felt suffocated by the idea of only having the option of romantic and sexual committed relationships until I learned about qprs.

I felt wrong when I got excited about my partner having a crush or when I thought about being so tightly bound to one person until I found out about polyamory.

I felt empty searching for what made me feel like my agab until I discovered I was agender.

These standards and pressures exist even when we don’t know what they are. Pushing a hetero/allo/monogamous/cis agenda onto kids hurts them even if they aren’t in an actively intolerant area. Ignorance does the most damage. Nobody deserves to feel broken.

[canary-song]

I'm getting a handle of his hair. Slowly.

[naughtybg3confessions]

The first dirty poll has concluded, and Halsin won best tasting cum by a landslide! Onto our next dirty poll...

[fagziraphale]

ineffable husbands is a bad ship name but it is funny to see people be upset by it bc "theyre not husbands theyre nonbinary" as if they don't use male-gendered terms for themselves all the time. why do you want to control what words nonbinary people are allowed to use so badly

[jimmyscanongf]

i saved the tumblr url jimstrogen

[hussyknee]

Apart from the fact that the whole discourse is a radfem exclusionist grift in the first place, we need "ally" in the LGBTQIA acronym so Robert Sheehan can sit with us. Where he belongs. I believe him when he says he's cis het, it's just that that doesn't make any sense and God make mistakes.

[raedonpoisoning]

mfs be like, “all nonbinary people are valid!” until an afab and/or remotely fem nonbinary person who’s nblm reclaims the f slur and then suddenly it’s “you’re not nonbinary/queer enough to say that word!” or “you’re basically a straight woman!” some of you queer folks have such a weirdly cisnormative and heteronormative view of the world… like you have become the very thing you fought to destroy and it’s ACTUALLY annoying listening to you drop such awful takes.