#crackers are the worst thing ever

[neuromantis]

i think people who sell pyrotechnics, especially to CHILDREN, should get a couple of their fingers blown off or AT THE LEAST develop a ptsd-like response to the sound of things blowing up around them.

[nexus-nebulae]

ok i get that people will have sex in some weird places both irl and in fiction but when a show has two characters trying to fuck in a hospital i cannot suspend my disbelief whatsoever bc when i was in the hospital any time my heart rate went Slightly above average a nurse would be in my room within minutes, if they've got a character hooked up to a heart monitor they'd notice that shit immediately

[afatkidclub]

Older Boyfriend Simon Riley

Thanks to the notes on my last post, I will be posting this blurb here. It's just for shits and giggles.

Older Boyfriend!Simon Riley who has been the best boyfriend you have ever had.

Refuses to let you call a handyman. Leaky sink? He had it fixed before you even knew there was a problem. Squeaky desk chair? Suddenly completely silent. 

Gets really competitive with Mario Kart and refuses to play again after losing a couple of rounds. Gets really into Minecraft but doesn’t let you help build things because “You’re doing it wrong” even though you’re the one who taught him how to play

Does not understand girl math. 

-- “The fuck you mean it’s not real money

-- “If I use cash, it’s free because it doesn’t come out of my account. Therefore it’s not real money.” 

-- “I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.” 

-- Now drops cash in your purse so that you have “fake” money to use. 

Hates girl dinner only because he knows that a bowl of popcorn or a couple crackers and cheese is not a full meal. 

A year of his life drops off every time he hears you saying “I’m doing it for the plot.” 

Refuses to download tiktok but will watch them on your phone with you for hours at a time

Went on a very long lecture about the Roman Empire and how it came to be (talk specifically about the military aspect) once you mentioned something was your Roman empire. Didn’t even notice you had fallen asleep halfway through the lecture. Still doesn’t know what you mean when you say something is your Roman Empire. 

Has absolutely no idea what you mean when you say “same.” 

-- You had to explain that it was just something you said when you found anything relatable

-- “What the bloody hell could be relatable about a plastic bag blowing across the road.” 

Has attempted to use the word slay in a sentence and it only ended with you in the longest laughing fit known to man. 

Listens to you explain celebrity beef and wonders why you talk about them like you know them personally and how you know all this information. 

Vine references, goes right over his head. 

-- One time quoted “Road work ahead, uh yeah I sure hope it does” after you had done it so many times, you nearly choked to death on air that day. 

Emojis are his worst enemy. Never gets the message when you try to hint at something using emojis. 

Learns very early on that anytime you two go out for errands, you require a sweet treat. 

-- Uses going out to get a sweet treat as an excuse to take you out on dates 

-- Also makes sure to buy you a sweet treat anytime you complete a task you didn’t want to do.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Today at work a little crow fledgling was just having the worst damn day. The little goober kept trying to shove its way into the door and screaming at its reflection while I was helping a lady look at a bed.

I pointed it out to her and together we regarded the infant screaming.

After she left my coworker came up and informed me there was a bird on her car. I went out to look and lo, the fledgling had scrambled up onto her windshield and was pecking forlornly at its reflection.

It stayed perched there in the hot sun, trying to move higher up the car with no success but too scared to fly down. She was agitated that it was on her car since she didn’t know if it would leave on its own.

“It’s a baby,” I told her, “It’s still learning how to fly.”

“That’s a baby?! It’s so big!”

“Yeah, it’s just a little guy.”

I went out to investigate. The parents began screaming and swooping. I placated them with crackers which they accepted without relenting their screaming. My coworker said she could now see that the creature on her car was indeed a baby with the sleek black parents swooshing angrily around in the air.

We regarded the baby together. After a while I started noticing it was showing signs of fatigue and distress. Mouth gaping but not begging for food, wings drooping. I went back out to check on it.

I was debating moving the baby; the day kept getting hotter and it didn’t have the energy or skill to relocate itself. My coworker also wanted the bird to stop pooping on her car. So eventually I announced, “I’m gonna move the bird.”

“Your gonna grab it? Aren’t you scared?”

I looked at her in bafflement. I grew up around every imaginable kind of fowl. The only bird I’d be scared of would be some of the big flightless ones. Even geese/swans are manageable if you just grab their necks before they really get flapping. The parents were not gonna go for my eyes like magpies and in general crows tend to recognize when you’re trying to help. “It’s just a little baby guy. It’s fine.”

I approached the baby amidst its parents shrieking crow obscenities down upon me. I scooped it gently like the burger.

I cannot begin to convey how soft that baby crow felt. It was the downiest most pleasant tactile thing that I’ve maybe ever held and the experience was only slightly marred by the goober trying ineffectually to bite me. It was stymied by the fact that it ain’t my first rodeo.

I brought it ten feet away to a nice shady tree. I held the baby gently so it could get its feet under it on the branch. It seemed a bit confused at this point but eventually gripped the branch and I stepped back and threw peanuts in self defense while the angry parents swooped showily around at me.

It stayed there pretty much the rest of the day. Its parents both checked in to make sure I hadn’t murdered it then flew back to where we could see a nest. So best theory is that this dingus was the first to start fledging and couldn’t actually return to the nest after launching.

I told my wife afterward and they went, “You. You touched the bird?!” My coworkers husband was also flabbergasted that I’d been brave enough to grab it. My coworker said she was just gonna shove it off her car with a broom.

As if they didn’t know who they married. As if I am not someone who would confidently help a stray cat or wrangle a chicken.

I informed them that barring gloves I had thoroughly washed my hands twice and it was worth it to get the silly infant off a slippery car and into the shade.

[psalidodont]

'' Despite how known this world is of being filled with dragons, various other beasts lurk across sprawling grasslands, forests, and tundras. 1: Fleece shag-backs are sheep like... things. They have a weird inflatable nose and are found across mountains and steppes, grazing peacefully in herds unaware of the dangers lurking in the skies. 2: Spine crushers, territorial but blind, humongous creatures that graze on shrubbery, sometimes seen eating berries and fruits off the ground. They're known to snap dragons in half using their powerful horns as defense, hence why their name. 3: Polecats are a Cockatrice hoarder's worst nightmare. Straight up. Have you ever wondered why some eggs and hatchlings go missing? The Polecat never ceases to amaze, yet, its mischevious antics is what gets it killed the most. 4: Grungle-Snaarfs... as if we didnt had enough with dealing around dragons and all of that stuff. A powerful predator capable of pounding onto unsuspecting prey, using its blade like fangs to destroy their victim's eyes in a gruesome way. We are their prey but the tables turned onto them as of recently when we discovered their coats make a good winter wear. 5: Bone-crackers are enormous Blitzshells, humble yet dangerous looking. They like to sniff the ground looking for truffles, using their claws to dig them up and make huge burrows underground. That tail is very much capable of breaking bone, as their name suggest. What a wonderful naming convention 6: Wooly yaks... if there was a way of describing them, id dare say they're smelly. We farm them for their milk (which is delicious if it isnt spoiled for the most part) and their wool... their meat is fine, its just that it gets quite tough overnight. Makes for good jerky, though. ''

[luveline]

i just discovered bombshell reader but omfg she got hit in the face with a sledgehammer??? how does the healing process go for her? especially since she’s very focused on her looks. how would she cope?

thank you for requesting <3 fem

Your new scars are… an adjustment. 

The worst one is where the hammer hit you. Where your jaw shattered, and the impact of the hammerhead split your skin. You don’t remember the pain, just the nausea, and the blackness as your consciousness slipped away, and now you have a permanent reminder stretched from the corner of your mouth to your jaw. 

You turn your chin up in the mirror, looking. When you smile the scar puckers, rigid and starkly purple against your skin.  

You can hear Spencer in your kitchen. He’s singing. You haven’t heard him sing many times, despite all your days and nights spent together. Your smile is out of your hands, you don’t really think about it, and so for the first time in weeks you see your own happiness in the mirror. 

You didn’t have your jaw wired for as long as most people, just three weeks. At first you’d decided against it, and then you’d realised it wasn’t really an option. That entire time, Spencer stood by your side like he’d been glued there supporting every decision with vigour. And considering he hadn’t been your boyfriend for very long —your best friend, arguably, but not officially your partner�� he’s done more than you ever expected of him. He’s been perfect. 

He continues to be everything you need. “Hey, Y/N! Are you eating breakfast today or not?” 

You give yourself a last look in the mirror, cringe at your scars, and check your newly repaired teeth. They look fine, Spencer swears that he can’t tell the difference. 

You can. 

You leave your room for the kitchen. There are twin plates of breakfast waiting and steaming hot on the kitchen table, with a glass of juice and a second of water waiting beside them. Spencer’s coffee sits half empty beside the cutlery. 

“I love breakfast. What are we having, Spencer Reid, egg and sausage muffins again?” 

He appears from your little pantry with a big smile. “No, it’s bacon and egg. But I can make something else.”

“That’s perfect, it’s perfect.” 

Spencer puts a package of rice crackers down on the table. “Let me get the hazelnut spread. Sit down.” 

“It’s fine, we can have them after. You need to eat before it goes cold, Spence.” You open your hand for him. “Please?”

Spencer takes your hand, but only for you to sit. He stays standing at your legs, looking down at you, all brown curls and eyes as his hand runs up your arm to your shoulder, where it stays. 

The other follows a similar path, but then he holds your face, and you feel your breath catch. 

Forward, for Spencer. 

Suddenly, he’s the confident one. 

“You were in there for a long time,” he says. 

“Just making sure I look alright.” 

“You do. You look more than alright.” His thumb presses into your cheek, forcing a hollow. 

You lean into it. 

“You’re beautiful. Nothing can change that.” 

You need the comfort, and you know you’ve had enough. He keeps telling you how pretty you are, and you are, but he must be getting sick of it. 

…But no. He’s not getting tired of it. 

“Love you,” you whisper. 

He’s only had a couple of those from you. Many more since your injury, not because you didn’t love him, but because it can be synonymous with so many things, like please, and thank you, and please stay. Lately, you’ve had to ask him for more than you’ve ever asked before. 

“I love you, too,” he says, with that pout that tells you his cheeks will be pink before he’s so much as sat down. 

He rubs your cheek. Over and over, little circles as your eyes close. You’re tired again. His hands smell like toast and butter. 

“It’s really not as bad as you think it is. Nobody at work will think anything less of you.” 

“Of course they will. I used to be perfect.” 

“Hey. That’s not fair, to you or anyone. A scar doesn’t have the power to– to make you less perfect,” —you peel your eyes open at his intensity— “you couldn’t be any less pretty. It’s not possible.” 

“I know it’s ugly, Spencer.” 

“You keep saying that, but it’s not.” He raises his second hand to your cheek, the one with the scar, careful though it stopped feeling tender to the touch weeks ago. The pad of his thumb follows the line. 

You raise your chin, pulling him down for a quick kiss. “Sorry,” you say against his lips. 

He smiles in turn. “It’s okay. I can keep telling you.” 

“Can you tell me again?” 

Spencer kisses you again. His way of kissing has been toned down now, and sometimes you miss feeling like he was gonna press you against a wall, but it was necessary. Even now you feel a phantom twinge as his nose smushes yours. 

“You’re beautiful,” he says, pulling back now, just one hand at your neck. “You are. You’re so pretty it gives me palpitations.” 

“That can’t be good.” 

“I think it’s really bad.” He laughs like an idiot. “I just don’t care. I’ve had you-provoked tachycardia for years. Nothing’s gonna change that now.” 

—

bombshell au

[zorosangell]

⛥*ﾟ・。* masterlist (under construction)

note: masterlist updates will be sporadic and not scheduled at all. if you want the link to a specific fic just ask. and they are in release order

— protector: full wattpad ver.

⤷ chapter one, ⤷ chapter two, ⤷ chapter three, ⤷ chapter four, ⤷ chapter five, ⤷ chapter six, ⤷ chapter seven, ⤷ chapter eight, ⤷ chapter nine, ⤷ chapter ten, ⤷ chapter eleven, ⤷ chapter twelve, ⤷ chapter thirteen, ⤷ chapter fourteen, ⤷ chapter fifteen, ⤷ chapter sixteen, ⤷ chapter seventeen, ⤷ chapter eighteen, ⤷ chapter nineteen, ⤷ chapter twenty, ⤷ chapter twenty-one, ⤷ chapter twenty-two, ⤷ chapter twenty-three, ⤷ chapter twenty-four, ⤷ chapter twenty-five, ⤷ chapter twenty-six, more pending...

— lucky punch

⤷ chapter one, ⤷ chapter two, ⤷ chapter three more pending...

— perfect match

⤷ chapter one, more pending...

— piña colada

⤷ x -- some women just can't take a hint... good thing zoro's only got eyes for one girl

— onigiri

⤷ x -- zoro's on a training binge and refuses to bathe... this, unless its with you

— happy birthday

⤷ x -- it's a known fact that zoro can't stand his birthday... but when you finally discover the date, you can't help putting together something special

— oiran

⤷ x -- while luffy and the others are off saving sanji, zoro is assigned the role of a ronin, and told to keep a low profile as he roams the land of wano... but he riks revealing himself and the entire crew when he discovers you're a nearby oiran, and in need of his rescue

— rice crackers

⤷ x -- after nami discovers a little girl stowing away on the sunny, the crew comes together to interrogate her... but she won't stop claiming to be your daughter

— stein

⤷ x -- while you're laughing at the stories told to you by some rando at the bar, zoro can't help but be affected by the green-eyed monster. nami and robin try to quell his worries... but things take a turn for the worst when the man puts his hands on you

— kunoichi

⤷ x -- the story of how you met the strawhat crew (and your swordsman)

— vice admiral

⤷ x -- after receiving some terrible news by news coo, you're left completely devastated. the crew does their best to console you, to no avail... and zoro realizes that, for once, his actions won't speak louder than his words... and makes a promise he's willing to die to keep

— jug

⤷ x -- after going out to search for luffy, you and zoro stumble upon a bottle of pink sake. zoro drinks it without question, but lives to regret it, as you have to deal with the consequences... physically

— theory

⤷ x -- the effects of a devil fruit age zoro into a forty year-old version of himself. and after his initial annoyance passes, he grows thankful... as you can't seem to keep your hands off him.

— fantasy

⤷ x -- part two of theory

— pit

⤷ x -- time and time again zoro has forgotten about your outings, leaving you dressed up and alone on several occasions. but after nami witnesses it in person, she finally puts her foot down... and you finally confront your swordsman.

— knight

⤷ x -- as a princess, you constantly have a bounty on your head, which means you are almost always under attack whenever the crew docks on an island. so, after zoro saves you from being kidnapped again, you both have a heart to heart... which ends in a little confession.

— inn

⤷ x -- you'd known zoro nearly all your life—having grown up with the swordsman in his home village—and considered him the most important person in your life... so, after luffy saves you both from the execution yard and invites you to join his crew, you can't help but feel like your lack of strength will end up becoming a hindrance to zoro's dream

— bento

⤷ x -- part two of inn -- you and zoro have a heartfelt reunion on the sabaody archipelago... with the help of a kindly fisherman.

— mistletoe

⤷ x -- nami has to school zoro in the art of gift-giving in order to save your first christmas together. luckily, he manages to wise up... and gives you a gift you won't ever forget.

— ham melon

⤷ x -- after you contract a rare, deadly disease, zoro has to take care of you... the best he can.

— nurse

⤷ x -- a mysterious man crash lands on your gloomy island, and you patch him up... unaware of his odd relationship with your father.

— nightgown

⤷ x -- after two wonderful years with the swordsman, you're reluctant to let him go, especially without telling him how you feel. luckily, he feels the exact same way... and more than accepts your scanty going away present.

— brand

⤷ x -- you return to the ship with a horrible injury... and zoro goes fucking berserk.

— bmf

⤷ x -- zoro doesn't take kindly to you being disrespected... at all.

— endgame

⤷ x -- prequel to inn -- when chopper asks about your past, zoro reminisces on your history together... and is reminded of exactly what you are to him.

— boxers

⤷ x -- part two of pit -- zoro saves your life (ish) and finally finds the courage to win you back

— stupid

⤷ x -- part two of oiran -- zoro starts an argument over you going undercover as orochi's personal oiran. and it ends... interestingly.

— pleasures

⤷ x -- in an effort to get him to relax, you give your moss-haired boyfriend a massage, and get him riled up in the process... how else is he supposed to repay you?

— sweetheart

⤷ x -- after winning a candlelit dinner for two, zoro tries his best to ask you out... though you don't seem to catch the hint.

— rum

⤷ x -- part three of nurse, part two of nightgown -- nami notices zoro's recent, odd behavior and decides to drag him out to a bar in order to confront him. little does she know his funk is due to the absence of a certain someone... and little does he know that certain someone is right under his nose.

— white lotus

⤷ x -- you and your squadron reprimand zoro and bring him back to the castle after he's found wandering around in your kingdom's forest. turns out, the crew is already there since, surprise surprise, luffy destroyed something he wasn't supposed to. now the crew has to plead their case... but while they're doing so, zoro can't seem to keep his eyes off a certain someone, nor understand the weird feeling in his chest at the sight of her strength.

— reading

⤷ x -- after plotting on zoro for the longest, you finally decide to make your move... the only question is what zoro's willing to risk.

— round two

⤷ x -- part two of white lotus -- things get a little heated during a sparring session between you and the moss-haired swordsman. and the results are... inconclusive.

— firewood

⤷ x -- stumbling across a small shack in the country of wano, the last thing you expected was to find your boyfriend snuggled up with an oiran... zoro's got a lot of explaining to do.

— hibiscus

⤷ x -- after a wardrobe malfunction at the pool, you're left soaked and topless... luckily, you have a hot boyfriend to come to your rescue.

— scent

⤷ x -- zoro wakes up in the mood... and you'd be crazy not to oblige.

— stall

⤷ x -- after you catch a girl trying to spike zoro's drink, all hell breaks loose... hell being you.

— receipt

⤷ x -- part two of reading -- a rude store manager and an unruly gang of bounty hunters learn how much zoro DOES NOT play about the daughter of red-haired shanks (i.e you)

— beach

⤷ x -- after zoro finds you unconscious on an abandoned beach, he quickly takes you to shelter... where he learns that something's off.

— sake

⤷ x -- your friends-with-benefits relationship with zoro becomes complicated when he gets monstrously drunk and begins to confess his deepest, darkest feelings about you.

— daises and posies

⤷ x -- a kid with the hots for you begins to challenge zoro, insulting his pride as a swordsman and capabilities as a partner until the mosshead finally snaps... leaving you as the only thing standing between all-out war

— pocus

⤷ x -- when you're a no-show for your scheduled merienda, katakuri begins to worry. little does he know you're right in the middle of a Big Mom hunger pang, and she seems to be craving your specialty...

— sample

⤷ x -- prequel to pocus -- katakuri's dreams of you come to a head when he learns that the two of you are already engaged to be married. and to make matters worse, your ex-boyfriend makes a rather unpleasant appearance while the sweet commander is picking up his order of doughnuts.

— merienda

⤷ x -- prequel two of pocus -- a year into your marriage to the minister of flour, and you two had failed to progress past that of acquaintances. so, to liven things up, you decide to deliver your husband's daily tea in a rather scanty outfit, hoping to ignite a spark... only to discover his deep, dark secret.

[cherrygirlfriend]

SICK IN BED

warnings: none! fluff originally posted in august 2024

bsf!rafe taking care of sick reader

BEST FRIEND MASTERLIST

you were certain this was the worst you'd ever felt. you should've known it'd happen - of course, taking care of your little sister while she was sick would have some kind of consequences.

the tv in your bedroom was playing old episodes of buffy the vampire slayer, something you always watched when you were hungover or otherwise having a bad day, and apparently now whenever you were sick.

you had no appetite, and your entire body felt like it was on fire while also being ice cold, your trash can filled with used tissues, your second box of them now on your nightstand next to a cup of tea that had gone cold.

a soft knock was on your door, and you sighed, you knew that your sister felt guilty for getting you sick, but you also didn't want her to get sick all over again. "i told you, don't come in!"

but the door still creaked open, and you let out a soft sigh, the heels of your palms now pressing against your eyes. "i told you not to feel guilty that you got me sick, i don't blame you."

"i wasn't aware that i did that."

you furrowed your brows when the voice that came from the door wasn't your little sister's soft, warm voice, but instead a rough, deep voice, one you were intimately familiar with. you didn't even need to take your hands away from your eyes to know who it belonged to.

but once you did, you were confronted with your best friend's tall figure standing at your doorway, a smile on his face and a grocery bag and a bouquet of flowers in hand as he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. you pulled your blanket up to your nose, aware that you definitely didn't look the best right now, only making the boy chuckle.

"why are you here, rafe?" you asked in a soft voice that was muffled by the blanket, "i texted you to tell you i'm sick."

"i know." rafe said as he slowly walked over to your bed, sitting at the edge of it. "you do know that you don't need to hide, right? i've seen you sick a million times when we were kids." the boy chuckled, slowly pulling the blanket down, revealing your face.

"then why are you here?"

"i'm here to take care of you." he said with a small smile. it was odd, you were sure you hadn't seen rafe act this gentle since you were both children, the boy now pulling things out of the grocery bag. "i brought you some crackers, and some of your favorite snacks. and, chicken noodle soup. your sister said you haven't really been eating."

"rafe, you do know that you could get sick too, right?" you asked as rafe started emptying the contents of the grocery bag, revealing an array of some of your favorite snacks, your eyes widening.

"well, if i do, i expect the same treatment from you."

you narrowed your eyes as you looked at him, "you do know that no funny business is gonna go down, right?" and the blonde simply burst into laughter. "i mean, this isn't exactly an attractive sight."

"just let me take care of you."

and even though you kept trying to tell rafe to leave, that he'd probably get sick if he stayed, but your attempts were futile, and after a while, there was a fresh bouquet of flowers on your nightstand along with a new cup of tea, you had downed the chicken noodle soup, the warmth of it calming down some of the pain in your throat, and you were both now settled in your queen-sized bed, a cold towel on your forehead that rafe had insisted you needed.

"i can't believe you're watching this again." rafe grinned, his arm lazily thrown around your shoulder as he bit into one of the twizzlers he had brought, buffy still playing on tv.

"what do you mean? it's a great show."

"mmhm. and you're sure it has nothing to do with your crush on that emo bleach-blonde vampire?"

you softly smacked rafe's chest before taking the cold towel off your forehead, now having turned lukewarm. "you know, he kind of reminds me of you."

that statement made rafe grin, turning to look at you with lifted brows, "oh, yeah? is that why you have a crush on him?"

you simply rolled your eyes, letting out a small scoff.

rafe hadn't even noticed the moment you had gone slack in his arms, still focused on the tv, only realizing that you were asleep when you let out a small, adorable whine in your sleep. he looked down at your face, so serene and beautiful, it made something in his chest ache. he'd never tell you, but the moments he loved the most were the ones like this. ones when he could just admire you without having to hide it.

he brushed a strand of hair away from your face, tugging it behind your ear before pressing a soft, feather-like kiss on your forehead, looking down at you, an aching feeling stabbing in his chest, one that was more intimate than any of the sexual aching he felt for you. and that was the moment that he really realized he was in trouble.

and in a soft whisper, he said, "i love you." hoping that the girl it was meant for wouldn't be able to hear it.

[myleelovesfood]

Cravings

Summary: you and Jimmy are up at 3:00 am because of your cravings.

Genre: FLUFFIEST FLUFF EVER.

Authors note: I’m not crying it’s just my eyes are trying to…. ok maybe I am crying. ANYWAYS ENJOY.

.

.

.

“Are you really about to eat that shit?” Jimmy asked as you set up your phone camera and grabbed your spare jar of baby dills you had Jim grab earlier this evening because you ran out. “Baby please try it with me it’s actually amazing.” You said as you opened the bottle of honey.

“Y/N I love you with all my heart but I just cannot.” He said before the both of you burst out laughing. “Just do it for me Jon!” You pleaded with him as you gave him and yourself a paper towel, a pickle and a drizzle on honey.

“I cannot believe I’m doing this shit with you right now.” You giggled as you hit record. “Ok guys so me and my husband are doing the try my pregnancy cravings challenge and we are so excited!” You said as you pushed Jimmy with your hip as he stared at the camera with a blank face. “Man I was forced to do th-” you covered his mouth with your hand.

“Let’s get started!” You laughed and Jimmy smirked, at times like this it made him the happiest man alive to see your beautiful bright smile, and the way you laughed whenever you guys did silly things, that’s what made him proud to be the father of you and his kid.

You crunched into the pickle and so did Jimmy, you groaned at the sweet and tangy taste while Jon looked like he was about to throw up. “Babe you are the most dramatic person i have ever met, it’s not even bad!”

“Baby that is horrible! How do you like that?” Jimmy said whilst he flushed his mouth with some water. “It’s actually amazing you’re just exaggerating, and if you won’t eat the rest give it to me!”

“Mannn, here.” Your eyes lit up as you took the rest and downed it like you did your last one. “Phew glad I’m not pregnant- Ow!” You slapped his arm. “That’s what you get!” You said in between giggles.

“Ok this next one, you’re gonna like I promise!” You said as you spread some Nutella on four gram cracker and placed two marshmallows on two of the crackers and two cut up strawberries and put them on the two others. “You ready?” You said as you looked up at Jimmy and he nodded as you hit record.

“Ok this is our next craving, it looks so good!” You said as you showed it off to the camera before giving one to Jimmy to try. “Three, two, one go!” You said as you both crunched on the sweet treat. “Ok now you can’t say that’s this one isn’t good!?”

Jimmy smiled and nodded. “It is pretty good but you trynna give my baby diabetes with this shit.” You threw your head back from how hard you laughed. “I am not going to give the baby diabetes!”

Jimmy wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his face in your neck. “Yeah you better not.” He said before showering your face with kisses.

“Ok we have two more after this one so… get comfy!” You shouted with excitement. “Y’all it’s 3 AM and me and this girl couldn’t sleep so she talking bout let’s do this pregnancy craving challenge, worst mistake of my life.” Jimmy said. “Shut yo mouth.” You said as you rolled your eyes. As soon as you turned around from the fridge Jon tickled your underarms making you twitch, scream and laugh.

“JON STOP IT!” You giggled, out of breath as he stopped. “Yeah cause who you talking to like that girl? Next time ima get that neck.” He smirked. “You’re a cruel soul babe.” You smiled at him as you hit record again for this next craving.

“Ok guys so this one actually isn’t mine, I saw this from a girl and it looked so good we just have to try it!” You said as you opened the package of tomato’s. “Ok so this one calls for sliced tomatoes salt pepper and lemon!” You said as you sliced the tomatoes and set them to the side Jon snuck one when you weren’t looking with you found out about later when rewatching the tapes.

“My mouth is watering.” You said as you sprinkled the salt and pepper on them as well as some lemon juice because who feels like cutting a whole lemon? “This looks like a heart attack.” Jimmy laughed. “Keep your opinions to yourself Jon!” You said as you and him picked up a slice.

“Three, two, one!” You said before you both took a bite. “This is actually amazing! Don’t lie you know it’s good!” You said as you waited for his reaction but he just smiled and grabbed another one. “Yeah I know.” You smirked as Jon kissed his teeth.

“Ok after this one we have one more left.” You said as you gave Jimmy and yourself a full strawberry and a block of cheese. “This is one of my favorites.” You said as you just ate the whole thing in one bite, not even bothering to say three two one.

“Damn girl! It was not that good Y/N.” He said as he took a bite his eyes widened in shock. “What the hell?” He said before eating the rest. “I told you!” You laughed out loud as he grabbed another strawberry and some more cheese.

“Ok this is our last one and I actually haven’t tried this one, it’s watermelon and yogurt so let’s try it and see if we like it.” You said as you handed Jimmy the slice of watermelon and topped it with some peach yogurt. “Cheers.” You said as you both ate it. “Mmm I like this one but it’s kinda weird to me, this yogurt is a little too tangy, and tangy and sweet don’t mix with me unless it’s any fruit and Tajin.”

“I like it.” Jimmy said as he dipped his slice into some more yogurt. “It’s kinda like savory to me.” Jimmy said as he ate the rest and took yours since you said you wouldn’t finish it.

“Well that was fun.” You said as you yawned. “Uh oh, Someone’s sleepy.” Jon said before picking you up bridal style and taking you back to y’all’s shared bedroom. “Jon! What about the mess?” You giggled and asked as he laid you down on the bed. “I’ll clean it just go to bed baby girl!” He exclaimed as he kissed you and shut the door before leaving to clean the mess.

You saved all the clips to CapCut and decided you’d edit and post them tomorrow and that you need sleep right now. You yawned before shutting your eyes and dozing off into dream land.

.

.

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PHEW THAT TOOK ALL DAY. THANKS FOR READING ILYSM

These pictures aren’t mine credits to all owners of all photos!!!

[grimdarling69]

Another Deaged Dan and Ellie or otherwise known as Crack pt8

John Constantine was unsurprisingly quite used to being tied up. Ever since Batman called him in to inspect that interdimensional portal that reeked of the Infinate Realms, he's been inning around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to stop the end of the world. The portal was just about the worst constructed thing ever. It was running on ectoplasm and soda. From the notes and scribbles he found in the lab. Luthor was going to create a that would have been much safer but ran out of time. So they recreated 'the Fenton portal' he has no idea what that is.

Even Batman, much to his displeasure, has no clue. He's the fucking Batman, the greatest detective in the world and he has no goddamned clue what the fuck that means. Whatever the fuck or whoever the fuck Fenton is he will be torturing them somehow.

God, he needs a drink. He tries to reach his flask in his coat but can't. Because he's fucking tied up in a random ghosts lair.

"Beware! I am the Box Ghost!" Fucking kill him now. How the fuck did this loser capture him. He tricked fucking Satan so many times snd this rectangular obsessed ghost captures him? He's never living this down. He just hopes Zee won't find him before he gets out of here.

Purple smoke seeps in from the ghosts door to his lair. To late.

"Huh?" The stupid ghost questions the smoke and flies toward it.

"Beware!" He yelled and threw his hands up. Obviously, trying to appear scary but only achieving in making himself look like a total dork. God, what an idiot he was. Hurry up, Zee. He's not bloody drunk enough to play damsel in distress.

The smoke turned tangible and wrapped up the befuddled ghost and drags him to the floor. He tries to go intangible, but the purplish ribbons keep top strong a grip on him. He resorts to wiggling around on the floor like a worm. The door is roughly kicked open, and Zatanna struts in.

"Need a hand, john?" She sarcastically asked him. He sighed.

"Just put me out of my misery, please Zee."

"No can do." She uses her magician wand to cut the rope magically and dropped him to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Curse you my knight in shining fishnets.

"Hope you don't mind i brought some company." She said like she'd really care if he did.

"Oh great." He picked himself off the floor, massaging his irritated skin. His head was still spinning from being tied upside down for so long. He stumbled and was caught by a pair of strong arms. He looked up and saw four batears and two frowns.

"Aw batsy, you do love me.. fuck I don't feel good..." He then immediately threw up the measly crackers and some whiskey he had in his jacket for some reason when he was captured by those fuckers last week.

He reached into his coat pocket and grabbed his flask, and took a big swing of the empty flask.

"God fucking damnit!" He cursed and fumbled around for a cigarette finding absolutely nothing. Worst day ever. Or night or whatever the fuck time it is.

"Constantine. What the hell are you doing?" Batman gravelly voice interrogated him. What a tool. He finally takes a glance around his now less spinning surroundings. Zatanna really brought the cavalry in, didn't she?

Red Hood, Red Robin, Signal and Flash younger stood on one side of the room. Wonderwoman, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, the older Flash, and Cyborg were on the other.

"What in the bloody hell is this?"

"Nightwing and Robin. Have you found anything?" Diana asked calmly like this was any other day. And they weren't in one of the most dangerous places in the multiverse.

"Yeah, they're trapped in the Far Frozen."

"How are you so sure?"

"Ghosts are stealing food and human items across the earth. Mostly from high magic and death rate areas. Where natural portals are more common." He took a cigarette from Red hoods outstretched hand, ignoring the glare from the others around them. Also ignoring the shove Red Robin gave to his brother and lit the tip with a quick spell. Inhaling and blowing out the smoke is an experienced dance.

"We already know that. We've all tried tracking them and nothing works." Zatanna stated crossing her arms and peering over the brim of her hat questioningly.

"I've got a source. Did some bounty hunting for the resident ghost of a dead warden, he wanted some ghosts locked back up in his prison." He pointed at the still wiggling ghost "This one here was the first one I locked up a week ago after I left those demons in the dust and he got a lucky revenge shot in."

"How do you the warden is trustworthy?" The older Flash questioned. He looked nervous like he was waiting for something.

Another shoe to drop was just what he needed.

"Because i got it verified by the Lord of all time. He told me to hurry that'll I'll need to be 'Beware of poisonous thorns '. I'm guessing he just means they're guarded by a nature ghost or something. Weird for the antartic, but they are ghosts, so nothing really has to make bloody sense around here." Taking another drag from his, smoke, and he takes a mental stock of the few things they'd need to make it there.

"We need to go now. How do we get there?" Batman grabbed his arm and started pulling him toward the door.

"Slow your roll, luv. Do you want to die? We've got a lot of things to do if you want even a chance to survive that bloody place. Forget even making it there."

"Like what?" The older Flash asked suddenly standing with Batman and wonder woman.

"Like getting some bloody jackets."

----------

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The alarm clock beeps loudly in his ear. He smacks it without thinking. So early.....getting up and walking to the bathroom swiping his phone on the way. Doing his business and brushing his teeth.

He scroll through his phone. Bruce wanted to talk, Jason was mad at him, Tim was pissed at a case, Babs missed seeing him. He walks out the bedroom after pulling on some random shorts. He yawns loudly and open the cabinets grabbing cereal.

He eats the cereal slowly while responding to messages. Looks like the internet isn't working very well nothings going through...weird with a waynephone but not impossible it wasn't as bat-grade as his other tech anyway. He'll fix it later. His sons bedroom door opens.

"Richard? Where are we?"

"Richard? Since when do you call your old man by his first name? Not very proper of you baby wing." He joked ruffling his hair. Damians face was rippled with confusion.

"Your not my...father...oh my ancients...fuck-" He looked around the room for another second then turned back around and ran into his room slamming the door closed.

"Damian..!" He tried the door, but he immediately heard the lock turn. He knocked on the wood, hoping Damian would respond.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" He tried to talk to him through the door. He stuck his ear to the door and could hear rustling noises and swears and something Diseree?

He grabbed his lockpicks from their usual places. He picked the lock methodically.

"Diseree! Fix this now! Or I'll put you down!"

"Ughhhh I'm only granting your wish!" A echoey voice unbound by a physical plane.

A genie(?) Flew up through the floor she wore blue robes and with a bored expression snapped her opaque fingers and everything went dark.

------------

Everything hurt. Before he could even wake up he was aware of immense pain. His chest hurt and his eyes were to heavy to even attempt at moving. They felt heavier than his fortress key. He vaguely recognized the bed he was laying on to be his recovery cot with the solar panels in the watchtower med bay. He tried to think of what led to this but he couldn't think of anything. It hurt to think god his head was pounding like he went through a skyscraper all the way from the top to the basement and further.

"Clark? Can you hear me?" Lois? What was she doing here? He tried to open his eyes but they must have been glued shut.

"Stay still, dad..." Jon? Jon...and him...were fighting but over what? Something to do with Robin, maybe. He can't remember, and it hurts to try to sift through his shattered memory.

"Go back to sleep dad. We'll be here when you wake up." Kon, he remembers telling him something but what was it? Be prepared? No he says that all the time it's something different...its gotta be something new...God if only the lights weren't so bright maybe he could open his eyes. Speak. Ask him. I know it's important, what did I tell you?

He tries to open his mouth, and all he hears is beeping and unfamiliar voices. He thinks he can hear Lois tell him to calm down? He is calm. in fact, he feels too calm, like the calm before the storm. Ugh, if only that obnoxious beeping and shouting would stop. This time, he welcomes the embrace of darkness. Anything to escape that horrid shrieking.

------------------

"And why should I help you?" The large green and pink alien looking woman leered at Constantine. This was a bad idea, a terrible one, actually. Why did you listen to Batman, Wally? He should have just zoomed around this dimension instead of almost killing them by begging for help from dead aliens! Why would Dora the Explorer or whatever her name is want to help us?

"Because I've brought you your cousin, Diana of Themyscira?" Constantine told the amused tall as fuck lady. She was huuuuge-not in a rude way of course. Gid he's an idiot atleast he's to scared to speak. He's the Flash, faced of million of scarier foes but something about her just makes every hair on his body stand in fear. She kinda reminds him of Wonder Woman.

Wait, did he just say cousin-wait? Is he trying to sacrifice her to this random alien?? By telling her she's its cousin?? Is he telling the truth she is kinda of wearing armor like Wonder Woman, but still...

"Greeting cousin, I've heard many stories of your great cleverness." WW said to her. He guesses he was telling the truth if she's going with it.

"And of my great naivety and stupidity? You have been poisoned by spending all your time with these mortals if you think false flattery will endear me to you. What will you give me if I help and don't say your soul. I know who you are, John Constantine, and your reputation precedes you even here." She spoke with an even tone, but he could feel the power in her words as she toyed with the small box in her lap. Running her fingers across its lid and body. Tracing the beautiful woodwork.

"A favor. If you know of my reputation, you must know of my skills." Constantine quickly controlled himself and attempted to convince her again.

"I suppose it would be nice to hold a favor from such a skilled magician..." She appeared deep in thought, and from his position to the side, he could see Constantine's eye twitching from being called a magician. This was pretty fucking funny actually. He just hopes Constantine controls himself.

"You wanted a way to the Far Frozen, why? Does it have anything to do with the rumored lockdown over there?" Shit she wasn't convinced this was less funny....

"There's a lockdown...? That wasn't-"

"Calm yourself, magician. I have been invited for diplomatic reason recently and j suppose I could invite a few of you but not all of course. Tell me why you need to go there and ill put us on the list?" She praticaly purred the last part she knew she won.

"We-"

"Are looking for my sons." Batman interupted WW and what the hell was he thinking? Giving information to people we have no clue about! He was Batman he'd kick people out of the Justice League for that and now he's doing this!

"Your littlest one is in great pain. Burdened and heavy, how will you relieve that?" She pondered aloud her voice seemed to echo against the marble.

"He is my son. I will do anything to help him-them." Batman answered truthfully with full conviction.

The woman hummed thoughtfully. "He told me that would be your answer but can you keep your word. Can you accept that the son you lost will not be the son gained?"

"I thought The Lord of Time was the riddle fanatic?" Constsntine joked and the woman turned to him ever amused. "Well i enjoy some from time to time." She chuckled at her own joke and turned away toward her maze the one they came through. It wasn't a difficult one at all hardly newsworthy but he had a guess she had something to do with the skill level.

"A friend of mine has a beautiful ship. He would be delighted to escort mortals across the Realms."

"There are no large enough ectoplasmic pools for a ship large enough to hold our party. Mortals need more space than ghosts. We cannot simply hibernate like your kind." Zatanna answered this time he was wondering when she'd show back up. She had left in a flurry of magical nonsense for something but he didn't really understand her explanation.

"Ah but his ship does not sail the water but the sky." She reached into a pouch secured onto her leg below her fancy Greek skirt , which probably had a fancy special name, she pulled out a white whistle. It had runes and symbols all over it and they glowed a bright neon green. She blew into it but no sound came from it.

"Sounds broken-" He manged to whisper to Vic right next him. Victor glanced at him about to speak but a sudden loud crashing over head. He crashed to the floor while the gaint alien Greek ghost laughed at all of them. He looked up to the sky the large pirate ship with skeletons hanging out the side of it peering them. What the....

"Amen Auntie Dora! You called?" A young boy dressed in pirate gear complete with a skeleton parrot on his shoulder.

"It's 'ahoy' ugh why do even I try?" The pirate groaned loudly.

This is going to be one interesting voyage...

[gremlinmodetweeker]

König of the Icks (the rage post)

This is the post where I actually got mad at König. I can't stand people like this, but I also love them. If nothing else, life's always interesting when they're around, right?

Art from This Post

König rarely laughs. When he does laugh, it's usually quiet, subtle. If you didn't know he was laughing, you'd probably think he was crying because he just shakes his shoulders and makes soft chuffing noises

It's a bit eerie

However, when König loses control of his laughter, he sounds like a whole damn pigsty

He's snorting, squealing and honking as he tilts his head back with laughter. He laughs so hard he cries

This would be cute if it weren't almost always at the expense of somebody else.

Horangi had the misfortune of hearing it when König tipped all his belongings upside down and then taped and/or glued them to the ceiling. This included Horangi's bed and sheets.

Hutch nearly threw out a computer mouse until he found a piece of tape covering the bottom.

Roze swears she heard König laughing when she found her entire locker filled to the brim with tiny rubber ducks

The rubber ducks became a huge problem with soldiers trading them like contraband and hiding them in weird places around the base

This concluded with snipers using them for firing practise and laughing when they squealed when they were shot, making it too easy to find their hiding spots

Unfortunately for Stilleto, she heard König's laugh when she walked through a line of tape over a door and got it tangled in her hair. She figured out which recruits did it and had them running laps. When they were done, one of them admitted it was Cnl. Henker who set them up and she was furious

See, König loves to set other people up to do his dirty work

He'll gladly set up soldiers to piss other people off so he can watch the fireworks fly

He'll purposefully hold off on doling out a punishment if he thinks it'll be funny to watch shit go south first

He's well known on base as a through and through sadist who relishes in schadenfreude

Hell, he's the one to teach everyone what that word meant

He's the literal dictionary definition of the word

Now, the problem is that König isn't just a kinky sadist (he is, but that's a different post)

König loves to torment anyone, but especially the people he loves. And of course, that includes you

König won't put things on the top shelf, he'll put them on top of the cabinet so you'll have to ask for his help because not even the stool will help you reach that high

He'll doodle over any picture you have of him to 'hide his identity'

He just likes messing with you

He torments his children with wicked pranks and gaslights them terribly

When his toddler offers him a bite of their animal cracker he eats the whole thing and laughs at them

He will absolutely label three objects 1, 2, and 4 so you'll go searching for #3

He will sit on you when he gets mad at you, or when you get mad at him because, well, this is the two of you (oh which, btw, he will do this to you and laugh):

His worst sin was childproofing the house without your knowledge. Ever had a fully childproofed house? If you're not the one installing it, it's an ugly thing to find

He will shift furniture just a little bit to the right or left to screw with you if you finish off his breakfast meals and don't replace them immediately

König takes delight in leaving you cryptid notes (you've learned to ignore the ominous threats because they always turn out to be something completely innocuous)

König is a nightmare of a man to live with. Is it fun? Sure! Is he a menace? Absolutely. He's got a penchant for mischief, and he's used to getting away with it because he's either got the reputation of a battle-hardened colonel that demands respect when he steps into a room, or the soft-spoken gentleman that would never raise his voice against a civilian (but would probably creep them out a fair bit). This just means he has the perfect fallback for whenever somebody accuses him of being a miscreant. In truth, he's most likely behind it, but the true extent of how many thing's he's behind is terrifying. This man fucks with people as a hobby.

Konig Dump

Konig Headcanons

[multiheadcanons]

DOUBLE WHAMMY: ODD PETS

scout: scout owns a chinchilla named rudy and that’s his best fuckin friend. if you fuck with rudy you’re fucking with him and he’s gonna kick your ass across town. it’s his favorite little dude to hang out with. he does not take fur coat jokes lightly, they are not funny to him. takes his care very seriously, he goes into the vet twice a year.

soldier: is it a cop out? marginally. do i care? no! he’s got a raccoon and an opossum, named private pinkie toe and sargent saltine cracker. he finds the juxtaposition of the names funny, but he never says their name in a humorous manner to really let the jokes sink in. they are smelly, they are feral, they are normally spattered in unrecognizable blood, and they love their owner. are almost always situated on his shoulders and attack anyone who comes near the man.

pyro: pyro has a chia pet that they started fifteen years ago that has never so much as shriveled from dehydration. pyro cannot keep many things alive, but this… this thing just won’t die. nobody messes with pyro’s chia pet. messing with their chia pet is grounds for getting scorched the moment the plant is out of the flamethrower’s range. nobody is trusted to care for the chia pet. it goes where pyro goes. pyro doesn’t have a name for it. or maybe they do, and nobody knows what it is. it is just called pyro’s chia pet.

demo: i see it so clearly in my mind… demo owns an 80 gallon freshwater tank that has nothing but aggressive fish. these fish, unnamed, can recognize demo out of a crowd, and jump out of the water when it’s time to feed. demo loves all his asshole fish. most of them will let him pet them, but even the ones that don’t don’t bite hard enough for demo to stop trying. he has rudimentary fish care knowledge, enough to keep him from blowing thousands on an aquatic vet.

heavy: in heavy’s room, which nobody is ever allowed in, is an enormous communal bioactive paludarium. it is where he keeps his ladies. his ladies are a collective of six trinidad olive tarantulas and a betta fish, and he takes their care more seriously than he takes anything else. he was nervous that his ladies wouldn’t get along, but they just stay on opposite ends of the enclosure and don’t bother each other. he will hand feed his ladies and make sure that they’re well cared for. it is the most gentle you could ever find the man. soft coos and gentle words. tarantulas fascinate him. and it took him a minimum of a month to craft and create their paludarium. not concerned of getting haired or bit, he handles them with no gloves.

engineer: engie is the worst foster pet parent you will ever meet. not because he’s neglecting them, but because he just can’t stand to let them go. he gets very attached to every animal he rescues, one time he tried to beg the team to keep a rattlesnake he had saved from dehydration. everyone gave him a resounding “No”. he prefers to rehabilitate the wildlife, with the help of spy. it makes him feel good to do what he can for the environment. has a bumper sticker on his pickup that says “i brake for critters”

medic: the doctor doesn’t own pets. he will watch his counterpart’s birds if he’s taking a holiday, because the birds don’t like anyone who is not medic or medic adjacent. however, they can tell the difference between the two doctors, and archimedes gets very suspicious of the man. he will swoop down on the doctor if he feels like he’s being too nosy. none of the other birds seem to care too much as long as the tall handsome different german man dad feeds and cleans behind them and gives them a pet or two. but the blue clad doctor and archimedes have decade spanning beef. it doesn’t help that because he’s in the infirmary, the red team just shrugs and goes “oh boy, another doctor!” and put him to work there too. so there’s eight other animals medic cares for for his counterpart. the people are much nicer than the birds. they’re kind to him, and they make sure he has what he needs. it’s marginally off putting. there is one bird that has taken a shining to the doctor. he calls her ophelia, and this bird is notably sadder when her original owner is back. eventually the red doctor will send her on her way with his counterpart. witnessing a thing actively light up to his presence is touching. both doctors cry that day.

sniper: you wanna see something you’ll regret? open his pocket. check any pocket on him at any time, hell, ask him what he has in his pockets. he will pull out his wallet, a couple extra bullets, a travel pack of ibuprofen, a small microfiber cloth, a rock, and an UNNECESSARILY LARGE ROACH. LIKE THUMB SIZE. ask him later, the roach is GONE?? in its place? A FAT ASS FUCKING WOLF SPIDER. EGG SAC ON BACK. this man has and will pull out creepy crawlies and various reptiles he finds outside that he thinks is cool. he sees them and adds that shit to his inventory.

spy: spy also does not own pets, and is the better foster parent between him and engie. he’s generally the one setting up appointments, going through applications, advertising the pets, and sending them on their way. the texan gets too emotional and can’t really be honest about domesticated animals, and they are both limited in wildlife knowledge, but generous in funds. they have a pretty good success rate! he dreams to own a boa constrictor. he knows it would be a cruel joke on him from the team, but he just adores snakes. he wants one, terribly. he’s doing the research, he will make it a reality. considering a dwarf locality, since he wants a female snake.

[younghorses]

For your Consideration: Ohio

In honor of one of the Horses (coworker) making us try the Skyline Chili ice cream this morning, I feel like I need to introduce everyone to Skyline Chili.

If you are not from Ohio, I wouldn't blame you for thinking "what is skyline chili," "why is there a chili ice cream," "isn't Ohio where the Hell is Real sign is?" or "surely its just chili. It can't be that weird.."

Introducing The 3 Way

Skyline Chili is a famous chain restaurant from Cincinnati, Ohio. Its selling point is its chili, which is just meat and sauce but features things like cinnamon, clove, and chocolate in the flavor palate. It is sweeter than you think, but it is also better than it sounds.

Skyline is served in 2 main ways. A coney/chili dog. Normal. And a 3 way. Yes, you order a 3 way at the establishment. A 3 way consists of the following:

plain spaghetti noodles

the chili in question

about a 5 inch tall pile of freshly finely shredded cheddar cheese.

the flattest plate you can imagine, so your noodles and chili are constantly spilling off the sides of the plate.

An optional Skyline brand bib the waiter will put on you if you ask It rules. I love Skyline. In writing this post I have accidentally made myself crave Skyline.

Here she is. That plate is not built to support this level of noodle.

So now there's an ice cream.

Also famous Ohio chain Graeter's has created an ice cream inspired by the unique spices included in Skyline. And by inspired, we mean they made a cinnamon, allspice, clove, and chili powder ice cream with some oyster crackers in it. It's kind of like pumpkin spice.

The verdict in the office is that they should have included the cheese. 6/10 experience.

A helpful chart.

This is not the most haunted ice cream to come out of Ohio. That would be Jeni's Everything Bagel ice cream.

This has been your Ohio fact of the day. Sorry. Why is the Midwest like this?? I don't know. Am I now imagining the worst Scoopy experience ever? Yes

[coichii]

LIGHT - HYUNJIN

pairing - bf!hyunjin ♥︎ fem!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 0.6k

warnings: nothing !

A/N : hello !! welcome to part four of my fall series, “fall: records of love” where there will be 8 individual short stories for the members :) these stories are based off of songs I deem “fall” feeling ! this story is based off of “light” by wave 2 earth. enjoy !!

“You always wanted to see the moonlight. And I, just wanted to see your smile.”

“do you have the crackers baby?” you ask him. he’s sitting next to you on the bench painting. what he’s painting? you have no clue. he told you it’s a secret, a mischievous grin painted on his face.

“oh yeah, here they are.” he smiles, handing you the bag of graham crackers. you thank him before opening the bag.

you guys we’re currently on a bonfire date. while he was painting, you decided to make the smores for the two of you. he’s been rather mushy for the last few days. it’s not a bad thing, but you have noticed him being fluffier recently.

deciding to push it to the back of your mind, you stick the marshmallows onto the sticks and hold them over the fire. you watch as the marshmallow begins to melt, the sticky coating slowly dripping to ground.

you two sit in a comfortable silence, no akward pressure to speak. just the quiet crackling of the flames and the small buzzing of the occasional bug accompany you. it’s peaceful. peaceful to be with him like this.

after a while, he places his paintbrush down on a nearby stump and scoots closer to you. suddenly he’s enveloping you in a loose hug, his arm resting on your waist as his hand rubs your upper thigh.

his hold protects you from the chilly breeze of autumn that passes by, his comfort warming you right back up.

the marshmallows finish toasting as you pull them away from the fire. you quickly place them on the graham cracker with the chocolate before doing the same to the other one.

“here hyune” you whisper before handing it to him. he winces a little in pain at the heat, making you giggle. “mhm, these are good angel!”

the muffle in his voice as he chews on the smore makes you smile bashfully, a blush forming on your cheeks. “when you’re finished, let me know. i want to show you what i painted.” he smiles, going back to his old place on the bench.

you finish quickly and scoot next to him, your stomach bubbling with anticipation. you’ve always been such a fan of hyunjins art, so you can’t help the excitement you feel right now.

“you ready baby?” you nod quickly, making him laugh. “well, here goes nothing”

he grabs the canvas and points it towards you. there you see a beautifully crafted portrait of you infront of a breathtaking background. every feature of your face is carved precisely and correctly with each and every stroke of the brush. it’s absolutely stunning.

“baby i-i.” you can’t even speak. all you can do is grab him in a tight hug, mumbling small thank yous into his shirt.

“no, thank you.” he starts. “I love you so much, y/n. it means so much to me when you love me the way you do, when you pick me back up after i’ve fallen, and when you kiss me. it’s intoxicating. i want- no. i need this every day. so please, let’s spend the rest of our lives together okay?”

he’s reaching in his pocket as your heart drops. slowly, he’s pulling a small blue box out of his jacket pocket and opening it. in there lays a beautiful, dainty, diamond ring. “y/n l/n. will you be mine for eternity?”

your heart feels as if it is exploding as you desperately mod yes, tears free flowing down both of your faces. he presses your lips together slowly and passionately, you both lost in eachother.

you can’t wait to marry him and he can’t wait to marry you. the love you two have being promised for eternity.

this story is undeniably some of my worst writing ever so pls ignore that 🥲

back to masterlist !

[serena-babes]

Hazbin hotel random headcanons

super unedited ⋆⭒˚.⋆

honestly wrote these off of the top of my head it's the most random assortment of people.

Lucifer, Charlie, Alastor, Vaggie, Angel, Husk, Sir pentcious, Adam

⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢

Lucifer:

 He most definitely Drinks milk at dinner every night and I'm not talking a little glass I'm TALKING A GLASS a chalice even, filled TO THE BRIM, every night without fail.

(sorry to my milk drinkers) 

Either texts every two seconds or doesn't text at all there is zero in-between 

I dont know what it is but I feel like he doesn't season his food

An animal cracker is the most seasoned thing he has had in years I just know it 

Knows how to tap dance scarily good 

Screams like a girl

Puts hair in rollers nightly and has the most CRAZY ASS skin routine ever

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Charlie: 

Hasent spelled restaurant correctly in years but was a straight A student 

Chronic energy drink drinker 

Has one of those custom blankets but it's just her and vaggie on it 

All of her socks are mitch matched 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Alastor:

Knows Morse code and can't swim

Plays slipping sound effects whenever someone trips around the hotel and then giggles to himself like a little schoolgirl

Has a diary

The type to say “Seems like we've gotten ourselves into a pickle” 

Cannot balance on one foot 

Probably heard dubstep one time and had a seizure 

Seasons his food CORRECTLY 

Either a “I shower once a week that's good enough” or a bubble bath with oils and rose petals everyday type of guy 

“Erm actually!”

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Angel:

Can't do math

Says womp womp in the most serious convos 

Bangs head on doors all the time due to height 

Phone addiction BAD 

Will only drink drinks if they are fruity He is the type to have to flavor their water 

Has the most IMMACULATE music taste

Chronic gossiper 

Uses :3 religiously 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Husk:

Also says womp womp at the ABSOLUTE WORST TIMES

Got beat by Angel so hard during uno one time and still holds a grudge

Black coffee every morning 

Cannot cook I already know it 

STRONG cologne scent 

Thinks texting is the stupidest thing ever 

After a long hard day, he goes home to go watch old Western movies

Wears wife beater tank tops religiously 

Idk hes pretty chill not much to say about him 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Vaggie: 

Goes to bed at 8:30pm SHARP

Needs glasses

Is REALLY good at cooking 

Secretly enjoys fighting with people online (stan wars on twitter) 

Washes face with some random soap and somehow its always perfect 

Drinks Gatorade chronically 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Adam:

HEAVY BREATHER even when hes not doing anything IT IS CONSTANT 

Would call people slurs nonchalantly 

Really bad at reading 

ALSO cannot swim

ALSO has a diary and writes in it nightly

Elon musk supporter

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Sir Pentcious:

(is that how you spell his name..?”

Eats cup mac and cheese every day

Scared of balloons

Loves those baby sensory videos with the peas and fruits 

Basically an engineer 

SO GOOD at just dance 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

[haithhegimp]

Reading Officer Down (1)

Batman (1940) #587 , Batgirl (2000) #12 , Robin (1993) #86

UGH ok so this was SUPPOSED to just be a continuation of my reading through batgirl thing (1) (2) but APPARENTLY issue #12 was a fucking tie in crossover whatever the hell so im reading through it, but its way longer than i expected so ill make a second part with the birds of prey, catwoman, nightwing, and detective comics issues. i had to look this shit up on dc fucking database to know what to read, fuck comics (i say while diving headfirst into comics repeatedly)

[Batman (1940) #587]

oh. my. GOOODDDD. FUCKING HELLL AHUTHIGJKH COMMBAT IS DRIVING ME INSANE MY FUCKING GOD. WHYYY IS COMMBAT JIMBRUCE JIMBATS WHATEVER THE FUCK SUCH A RAIRPAIR WHEN THEY DO THIS SHIT CONSTANTLY. LITERALLY ASKING HIM ON A COFFEE DATE SHUT UPPP THEYRE SO FUCKING GAY

jesus FUCKING christ.

YOOO BERTINELLI MENTION!!! I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEM (yet!!!!) EXPECT THAT THATS HELENA'S LAST NAME BUT YOOOOO!!!

jesus FUCKING CHRIST. THEYRE SO FUCKING GAY HE'S SO FUCKING GAY FOR JIM ITS UNREALLL. BRUCE WAYNE YOU HAVE NOT ESCAPED THE BATFAM REDHEAD LOVE INTEREST CURSE GO MAKE OUT WITH HIM FOR FUCKS SAKEEEE

[Batgirl (2000) #12]

at first i mistook her antennae? horns? ears? bat thingies? as rainfall and was like "WHAT WHY IS SHE BALD WHAT THE FUCK"

gooodddd i fucking ADORE the art and colours in batgirl theyre so hsiuhfhgrrgrhashrh

YOOOO NAME?? NAME?????????

she looks like such a loser such a wet little sewer rat creacher i fucking love her i want to dunk her underwater and watch her eat crackers and cheese and also marry her cassandra cain you are so so so much to me

she sounds so fucking feral i love it. fucking hunt, never change cass. never ever change.

SHE'S LITERALLY THE FUNNIEST EVER CASS I FUCKING LOVE YOUUHHHFHG

[Robin (1993) #86]

i might be reading into this too much but oooiieee cass paralels?

i know that some artists designs of her are without glasses but it never fails to jumpscare me. babsra gordon you are visionless in my heart <3

yeahhhh im gonna be real i hate this artstyle. i do Not like it at all. i miss you batgirl art i miss you. hell i miss you batman art.

:((((((

WAIT WAIT WAIT

THAT'S RENEE MONTOYA!?!?

oh my god this is the worst possible (probably not there exists worse im sure) artstyle i couldve met you in im so sorry this was our first encounter. i will love you infinitely more when you are drawn less egregiously

who the fuck is the red guy.

no seriously who the fuck is he--

PAULIE!?!??!?!?!?

this was the worst possible artstyle (AND DESIGN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY EYE CANDY AZRAEL) that we could have reunited in. im so sorry i love you paulie my dear darling loser nerd i adore you but i am shunning whatever the fuck this version of you is supposed to be.

To Be Continued.... in a Reblog Soon!