#for the drakes it’s so funny. i’m in hell

[un-pearable]

it’s both my least and most favorite thing about tim. constantly tormented by fic using the “rich archaeologists don’t have time for their son” thing when rich archaeologists are an oxymoron (in the postOh Wait Ethics Are Good world) and the kind of neglect you would expect from that is entirely opposite of what the comics show…. “they never took me on excavations :(“ kid your parents most likely are commuting ridiculous distances to teach at a school that underpays them and can only get grants and permissions enough to do fieldwork in the off season. you would be out of schoo but most likely foreign countries would not be fans of a little white kid running around willy nilly. “my parents are always busy jetting around the world from site to site” . you’re just being silly now do specializations just not exist??? is drake industries an extremely weird international CRM firm?????? god i love fiction that’s way too confident in what they think an industry looks like. dc comics thinks archaeology is exactly the same as it was in the 20s and fandom is EVEN worse

[ravenpureforever]

Robin 1993 Issue 1: I’m getting choked out in the Batcave

Superboy 1994 Issue 1: I’m getting choked out on a beach in Hawaii

Impulse 1994 Issue 1: I’m being forced to move to Alabama and go to high school there

[deadsetobsessions]

Gothic mushroom shaped candles. Danny picked one up, grinning. Sam would have love these on her alters. Very Sam, very Gotham.

It a bit bittersweet, now that he could think of her without being paralyzed by crushing grief. Her and Tucker both. Danny turned, keeping an eye on Tim as he glared into the case of used cameras.

Danny walked over and tried not to feel guilty about practically mooching off of a child. Even if the money he was using was actually the Drakes’.

“Like anything you see?”

Tim shook his head. Danny pondered over what little he knew of photography- all of which he learned from documentaries that were more focused on nature.

“I think there might be a camera store a couple of blocks down. We could get the ones that takes photos of animals, like the really big ones that takes photos of wildlife?”

“I guess. I mean, I don’t need it since we can…” Tim glanced around suspiciously. Danny willed his mouth to not smile at Tim’s antics. “Fly close,” the kid finished in a whisper.

“Okay, but what about when I’m not there?”

Tim hunched up on himself and Danny despaired inwardly. Uh oh, what did he say now?”

“Are you going somewhere?” Tim quietly asked, sounding hurt and upset.

“No,” Danny soothed, patting Tim on the head. I mean, what if I’m busy with stuff but you want to go take pictures without me?”

“You said to go get you whenever I wanna go out to take pictures.”

“Okay, yeah, I- well, we might as well get you a quality camera, right? To take really really good pictures of the… local wildlife. Like… the birds and the bats, and all that.” Danny winked exaggeratedly.

Tim blinked and giggled when he got the joke. “Okay, as long as you’re staying!”

Danny grinned, fangs and all. “Of course.”

——

At the end of their shopping spree, generously provided and sponsored by the Drake family and their heavy black card, Danny got a phone and Tim got a wild life camera that was a whopping $4,000 but was compact enough to not look absolutely ridiculous.

“It’s heavy!” Tim whined, as he grinned like a loon.

“It’s quality,” Danny plopped the shopping bags on the island in one of the giant kitchens Drake manor had. “I’ll make dinner. You figure out those settings and you can tell me about it when we eat.”

“Okay!” Tim hummed excited, quick fingers and laser focus already aimed at his new device.

Danny picked up his new phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. As it rung, Danny held it up to his ear and began prepping the ingredients. At least

“Hello?” His sister’s cautious voice came through the phone. Danny’s shoulders relaxed.

“Heya, Jazz.” He could see Tim’s ears all but perk up in order to eavesdrop. His mouth quirked up in amusement and Danny turned away. He probably shouldn’t be encouraging that kind of behavior… but it was funny.

“Danny! Are you okay? I- I heard that they chased after you and I was worried sick! Are you safe? Any injuries? Do I need to pick you up?”

“I’m good. Promise. Not bleeding out or dying. It’s actually pretty nice right now,” Danny paused before turning back a little more so he could watch Tim’s reaction peripherally. “Hey, listen, can I adopt a little brother?”

He watched Tim sit up straighter eyed flickering up to him and back down again, a secretly pleased look on his face as he figured out that Danny was in fact talking about him.

“Danny, what the hell?” Jazz huffed, audibly relieved to know that Danny wasn’t on his merry way to becoming a full on ghost. “Who, why, and what kind of trouble did you get into now?”

“Hey, this was me getting out of trouble. Those people don’t even know where I escaped to. Tim helped me out a lot,” Danny said in the tone that meant ‘and there’s more to it but I can’t tell you right now.’

“His name’s Tim?”

“Yeah, you wanna say hi?”

Tim looked terrified as he heard Danny’s side of the conversation. Danny could relate.

“Alright. But you’re explaining everything later, got it?”

“Sure thing, boss.”

Danny turned to Tim, abandoning the peas he was shelling and rinsing off his hand to hold the phone.

“Tim, my sister, Jazz, wants to say hi. Are you cool with that?”

“Uhm! Yeah! Yeah, sure.” Tim, honest to ancients, squeaked. Danny’s enhanced hearing could pick up Jazz’s already melting heart. He taped a button.

“Jazz, you’re on speaker.”

“Hey, Tim. I’m Jazz. Thanks for taking care of my little brother!”

“Uh, hi, Jazz! I’m Timothy Drake! And, uh, you’re welcome! Anytime!”

Tim glanced at Danny for reassurance, relaxing a bit when the halfa threw him a double thumbs up.

Jazz went quiet.

“Jazz, you good?” Danny asked.

“We’re adopting him. Danny, you better make sure knows about everyone. Hi, Tim, I’m Jazz, your new big sister.”

“Uh- I have parents.”

“That can be fixed,” Jazz casually brushed off. Tim looked like a deer in headlights, so Danny took his sister off speaker and went back to cooking. He made sure to smile at Tim.

“Don’t worry, we won’t adopt you if you don’t want to. But it wasn’t a joke, we’re very serious.”

“I’ll think about it?”

Danny shrugged. “Good enough for me.”

“So, where are you?” Jazz asked him, rustling coming through on the phone.

“Gotham.”

“You are so fucking lucky I love you, dumbass. I’ll be there tomorrow at noon.”

“Playing hooky, are you?”

“Fuck off, little brother, before I show Tim your toddler pictures.”

“Thanks, Jazz.”

“Bye, Danny. Don’t get killed again when I’m not there, got it?”

“Sure, sure.”

Danny smiled and returned to his agenda of stuffing as many vegetables into one meal as he can. At least the food isn’t trying to tear out his face.

——

Robin hasn’t heard the eerie giggles around lately, but he’s been practicing his own. It’s weird though, because there’s always a glint of something in the corner of his eyes.

“Robin, muggers.”

“On it, B. Shall we, Batgirl?”

“Let’s go, Boy Wonder.”

[thesuperiorrobin]

Message between the two of you

(I’m like so mad bc I deleted social media and I went back to redownloading it but the app got taken off the app store 😒”

—————————————————————————

Y/n: you have money right?

Damian: no I’m dirt broke poor.

What kind of questions is that?

Y/n: Jesus i was just making sure 😒

But anyway!

Can you do me a huge favor?

Damian: anything for you

Y/n: Can you like buy Apple and then make a single pink heart emoji? Bc these 💕💗💖💞💓 are not like this ❤️♥️💙💜💛🖤

Damian: what’s wrong with those?

Y/n: everything!

Like can you believe they made this 🫀but couldn’t make a fucking pink emoji.

Damian: I’ll see what I can do

Y/n Thank you 😘

—————————————————————————

Y/n: okay so about the math homework

Damian: I’ll send you the answers

Y/n: thx Pookie-bear😘

Damian: you can do it on your own

Y/n: OKAY SORRY

Thank you Mr. Al Ghul Wayne😌

Damian: Pookie-bear is fine with me

Y/n: never thought Id see the Damian wayne type Pookie bear.

Damian: beloved do you want the answers or not?

Y/n: yes please🤲

Thx babes love you with all my heart 😘

—————————————————————————

Damian: open your window

Y/n: no.

Damian: are you still mad at me beloved?

Y/n: no

Damian: your foods going to get cold if you don’t open up

Y/n: ugh fine give me a minute

—————————————————————————

Damian: what the hell is twilight?!

Todd won’t stop talking about it

Y/n: OMG ITS LIKE A CINEMATIC MASTER PIECE.

Hold I have the DVDs. Your front gates and doors better be open by the time I get there.

Damian: Do we have too??

Y/n: you Don’t wanna spend time with your girlfriend? 🥹

Even after you’ve been gone for a month straight 🥹

Damian: my gates and doors are open.

Y/n: good. Be prepared to have your mind blown by this weird, cringy, funny, sad, supernatural films.

—————————————————————————

Y/n: we should get married in Las Vegas

Y’know like elope or something

Weddings in Las Vegas are actually cheap

Just say fuck it and Start a new life after and get new identities. And get away from it all

Damian: that doesn’t sound bad actually

But you deserves more then just a crappy five dollar wedding at Las Vegas out of all places. We’re better then that. 

You, beloved, deserve a grand wedding, with so many people, a perfect dress, perfect decor perfect everything.

Y/n: Can Titus be our ring bearer?🥹

Damian: anything you want it to be. Heck Drake can be the the flower boy. We’ll see our options after we graduate high school—————————————————————————

Do you think Jason’s team Edward or team Jacob

I think he’s team Edward.

Same thing with Damian. Is he a Edward or Jacob fan. 🤔🤔🤔🤔

[papil0nglegs]

What about the mercs with a fem SO that talks in brainrot sometimes? Would really want medic in there but it's up to you!

Mercs x Brainrot!Reader

A/n: WHY IS THE TF2 FANDOM SO OBSESSED WITH THIS IDEA? 😭 I SAW ANOTHER FIC ABT THIS AND TWO REQUESTS ASKING FOR THIS PLS

warnings: Brainrot.. a lot of images being used, it’s a shit post who cares tbh

Scout

He’s into it too

Guys it’s scout

“Scout ilysm ur so nonchalant <33”

“Thanks babe ^^ I know I’m pretty alpha”

(Oh btw the alpha thing isn’t a joke he unironically listens to alpha male podcasts)

In the middle of spy’s serious moments you’d both lip sync ‘you are my sunshine’ to each other when he’s not looking

“what the bloody hell are you guys doing..”

“…perhaps itz a coping mechanizm zince scout doesn’t have a father?”

Medic really had to take it there

The ‘fatherless child’ meme was a coping mechanism for him tho

“I’m a fatherless child, of course I have abandonment issues”

“Um babe? Idk if you should joke abt that 😚”

“Na it just makes me more sigma”

You guys love to fuck with the blu team sm with your shenanigans, esp sniper!!

Scout would have his bat and you would have whatever weapon you have with you and yell “skibidi” before jumping him

Here’s something he DEFINITELY didn’t learn from you 💯

creds to urwhouchoose2b on Tik tok

Engineer

He tries so hard to understand

Whenever you show him a meme he does the classic old person holding phone away from eyes thing

Yk the

“Ok so this is the ‘im nothing like y’all’ fish”

“alrighty, and this is..?”

“Oh that’s the Freddy five bear meme, see it’s funny cuz his name is actually ‘Freddy fazbear’ but they got his name wrong so like.. yeah”

“…I’m not sure what I’m ‘posed to say ‘bout this, but I think you belong in a looney bin”

Once he had a project that had the word “alpha” in it and he hated mentioning it to you cuz yk

“giggle”

“…what?”

“Skibidi alpha”

“What??”

Demo man

HE LOVES IT LMFAOO

he’s so energetic esp when he’s drunk so he’s happy to have someone he can share that energy with

Y’all know that “Scotland forever” meme

Well you screamed it after another victory as a joke, but when demo heard it he was confused but also excited?

“SCOTLAND FOREVAA”

“OH? ALRIGHT THEN, SCOTLAND FOREVER 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿”

cut to him butt chugging beers

Demo doesn’t get it but he has the spirit

He’ll be right there replicating the TikTok audios after taking the point

Dude is drunk 99% of the time so he’s never bothered to ask what any of this means, he’s just in it for the fun

Once you dragged him to the bathroom since he drake too many beers (shocker) but he didn’t want to do it in the toilet cuz he didn’t want to ‘hurt his dear skibidi’

“Cmon demo you have to puke it out!!”

“Noo, take me to the jawbox I don’t wanna hert me skibidi toilet”

“Oh god what have I done”

I think you rotted his brain a little too much

Spy

Don’t even get him started.

He’s so sick of your antics it’s not even funny

“Guys we all have to remember that it’s not about the money.. it’s about the skibidi.”

Passionately grabs spy’s shoulder

“How have you made it this far in life”

Unlike engie, he really doesn’t want to know about it

Especially during missions

“lol spy you’re so devious ASF”

“shhh, enough blabbering!!”

“You are not carti 😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️❌‼️‼️‼️”

You make fun of him a bunch, he can’t think of a single moment where you took him seriously

“Y/n get off the cart!!”

“If we were in Fortnite I’d have higher ground + double pump.”

[timblrdrake]

Yknow it’s a funny coincidence that Red Robin used to call himself Drake

what a crazy coincidence what the hell

it’s also pretty solid proof i’m not him i mean. it would be so dumb to have your (illegal) vigilante name be your easily recognizable real world last name. i would never do that.

[jtl-fics]

Math Nerd AU

I’ve got quite a few time travel AFTG fics banging around in my head but by far the funniest one is this:

Neil dies in 40s to a drunk driver after a respectable professional Exy career, two olympic golds, a very successful and healthy relationship, a steady post-injury career as Ichirou Moriyama’s preferred accountant (kept himself squeaky clean) and years to get his shit together. He wakes up back early on into his runaway life with his mom and is immediately like “oh no I’m NOT doing this shit again.”

He makes a lot of changes, mostly for Andrew’s benefit but also gets Mary to the Hatfords, and gets himself set up in Ichirou’s confidence again because man he’s gonna play Exy again but Ichirou was actually a very solid boss if you’re competent and Neil is very good at managing finances.

Ichirou had plans for Neil. He’s waiting for his father to pass before he brings Neil fully out in the open as one of his since his father is still demanding that the Wesninski heir be given over to his brother and Ichirou is not about to let the only accountant who has ever gotten him a completely legal tax refund go to the NEST. He’s also not about to let the Butcher near Neil so he puts Neil off in the middle of nowhere with a steady paycheck and orders to graduate highschool. Neil picks Millport.

Hernandez still notices that no one ever comes to Neil’s games and that the kid is driven but doesn’t make any real attachments with his teammates despite Millport becoming the Arizona State Champs the year Neil leads the team. So he sends tapes to Wymack and Kevin. Neil is surprised to see them since he’d planned on never getting anywhere near Andrew after he set things up for the blond. (Killed Drake, paid some people to legally adopt and look after Andrew, got CPS to investigate Tilda properly, paid off the right people so that the couple who took in Andrew took in Aaron too, and paid for them to move out to SC (it’s close to the twins remaining family) and then Tilda managed to die on her own from an OD and the twins got the money without Andrew needing to have any part in it.)

Neil ends up signing for the Foxes despite Ichirou having plans for Neil to start attending University of Texas (Great Accounting Program) in the fall. Neil of course completely fails to tell Ichirou this since Ichirou hadn’t said anything beyond finishing highschool and if he had plans for Neil then he should have told him.

Neil, the utterly self-sufficient adult that he is, proceeds to just be the most bizarre stabilizing force the foxes have ever encountered. He knows all about their shit, their issues, their triggers, and how to help them. The Foxes all kind of crave that stability and Neil can take whatever they say unflinchingly. He’ll give as good as he gets but he also makes team breakfast pretty much every morning after he finishes his absurdly early run. Kevin is in heaven with his Striker pick (Neil in this thing is so incredibly boring and well-adjusted that Andrew just cannot believe that he’s a spy so Kevin and Neil start night practices almost immediately & Neil shows Kevin drills that he and Future!Kevin had made and Kevin is just like “I am so good at picking talent. I am a god.”)

The 3 things that make this so funny (at least to me) is:

1. All the Foxes just like not understanding why the hell Neil is a Fox (They’re glad he’s there but it feels like a clerical error that such a nice well-adjusted guy is on the team) until they see him without a shirt and until immediately after the Kathy Ferdinand show where Ichirou shows up and is like “Palmetto doesn’t even have a nationally ranked accounting program!? Also what if this sport gives you a TBI and you can’t do my taxes anymore????”

2. Andrew is just inexplicably and infuriatingly smitten, enamored, crushing, heart-eyes for this BORING ASS MATH NERD. Neil’s sense of humor was honed against Andrew so he’s got like a direct line to Andrew’s funny bone. He never has never once for even a second confused Aaron and Andrew (and they’re a lot closer in this fic because there’s no Tilda angst and the ‘parents’ handled getting Aaron’s rehabilitation handled off the books so he could have a future in medicine.) Even after the whole mob accountant reveal Andrew is seething because even with that Neil is just incredibly well-adjusted and normal despite all the insane shit going on with him. He propositions Neil when Neil mentions having a past male significant other but Neil has the AUDACITY to get all sad-eyed and say that he can’t be with Andrew because his heart still belongs to some CHUMP in his past. (Cue Current!Andrew having an unknowing bitter hatred / rivalry of Future!Andrew and swearing that he’ll woo Neil away from a guy who’s probably in the mob or shitty because Andrew hasn’t seen any evidence of Neil’s SO reaching out to him but he knows Neil isn’t lying)

3. One of the reasons that Andrew is inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted / smitten to Neil is that Future!Andrew did not really spend a lot of time in the future after Neil died and he’s slowly seeping through until Neil’s confrontation with his dad and then Future!Andrew fully wakes up and he’s PISSED because at least in the original timeline Andrew was inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted to the mysterious freshmen who was hiding his appearance, looked like he was seconds away from running across the country at all times, and had a whole aura of danger around him. Now he’s revealed that he’d have fallen for Neil no matter what because he fell for Neil when he was just a BORING ASS MATH NERD and WORST OF ALL Neil went and made him jealous of HIMSELF because Neil didn’t want to cheat on Andrew with ANDREW. What an asshole. He’s gotta kiss his entire face off and tell him that he’s never allowed to cross a street without Andrew again because if a drunk driver is going to take one of them out then it’s going to take BOTH of them out.

[x0llaz]

Ten Things I Hate About You

Jung Sungchan

Chapter 10) fake fan

Masterlist. Previous. Next.

Sungchan weaved his way through the entrance to the bar, getting stares from almost all the girls who crowded his path. The music immediately hit his ears, loudly drumming against his head. He somewhat regretted coming, but he knew that if he wanted a paycheck, he’d make do with the situation.

He found his vantage point and watched the crowd, scanning to see the girl he came to woo. And eventually, he saw her. She looked so unfamiliar in that moment, laughing, dancing with her friend, it was a side he’d never seen from her before. she seemed so free. He liked it.

YN started weaving through the crowd, and Sungchan sat down at the bar, ordering a shot. YN approached the bar, standing next to him, not yet taking notice. She ordered two waters, looking around and seeing sungchan sitting there. She rolled her eyes.

“Get it over with,” she said to him.

“Sorry what?” Sungchan asked loudly. “Sorry the music is really loud!” He feigned his confusion.

YN scoffed. “What are you doing here?”

“Enjoying the music. Are you a fan?” He asked.

“What you know them?”

“The lemon twigs? Sure,” Sungchan shrugged. “Don’t tell me you don’t,”

“No, I do,” Yn answered, a bit taken aback. “I just didn’t take you for the type to know them.”

“What kind of music would I be into then?”

“Rap. Like drake,” she smirked.

“Hell no,” Sungchan laughed. “Not drake, at least.”

“Fair enough,” Yn said, leaning back on the bar. “So you’re not here to ask me out?”

“Do you want me to?” Sungchan asked, and watched Yn roll her eyes. “It was kinda weird seeing you actually have fun,” he nudged her with his elbow. “It was cute,” he gave her a charming smile.

“Smooth,” she smirked.

The bartender handed sungchan his shot, and YN her waters. She started leaving the bar, and Sungchan watched her walk away. A few steps, and she turned around, giving him a look. After a moment of silence between them, listening to the music, she gestured for him to follow. Sungchan happily trailed behind her.

——

It was really a miracle to Sungchan that Karina agreed to let him walk them back to their houses. The girls both knew they’d drink, and planned on crashing at Karina’s house if they got too drunk. Sungchan offered to walk them, fully aware that he may be third wheeled by the best friends.

The three of them approached Karina’s house, and Karina, the tipsiest of all, hugged YN, a bit wobbly.

“You’re sure you don’t wanna stay?” Karina slurred slightly.

“I think I’m good to get home,” yn smiled. “Besides, you should sleep,”

Karina frowned, but agreed. She turned her attention to sungchan. “No funny business,”

“Heard,” Sungchan nodded with a slight smile.

“I’m serious. I’ll beat your ass,” she threatened.

“Relax,” Yn sighed. “He knows I’d rip him a new one,” she smiled at her friend. “No go to bed,” she shooed Karina away. Karina obliged, walking into her house. Yn turned her attention to the man standing next to her.

“You don’t need to walk me home, you know,” she told him.

“I know,” he nodded. “But I want to,”

Yn rolled her eyes. “Whatever,” she started on her way, and Sungchan followed.

The silence between them was awkward. Neither of them knew each other well enough to really say much. But sungchan was willing to take the first step.

“How long have you and Karina been friends?” He asked.

“Since we were babies,” Yn answered honestly. “Shes more of a sister to me than my sister has ever been,”

“Don’t you think that’s harsh?” Sungchan huffed out a laugh.

“No, she makes her hatred for me very clear,” Yn sighs. “I don’t really care though.”

Sungchan nodded. “I’m an only child, so I wouldn’t really get it, I guess,”

Yn nodded. She glanced over at him, his hair tousled, his hands in his pocket. Though she would never admit it, she did think he was handsome.

“You know you’re quite a mystery around the school,” Yn tells him.

“I wonder why?” Sungchan rolls his eyes playfully.

“I think the two years where you disappeared is mostly why,” she smiled.

Sungchan mirrored her smile. “Would you say you’re… intrigued by me?” He wiggled his brows.

“In your dreams,” Yn scoffed.

“I do dream of you,” he shrugged. “You could make my dreams come true,”

Yn rolled her eyes. “Do you talk to all the girls you have crushes on like this?”

“Nope,” he stopped, gently grabbing her wrist, keeping her in place, bringing her to face him. “Just you,”

The gesture took Yn by surprise. Contrary to her sister’s belief, Yn was no stranger to romance, to boys asking her out. But this time was different. And she couldn’t quite understand why.

She just let out an awkward laugh, and pulled her hand away, rubbing the spot his thumb had rubbed gently against. “Come on,” she sighed.

Sungchan followed.

The walk was back to awkward silence. Yn was left questioning if Sungchan really was serious, or if he was really good at fucking with her.

When they reached her doorstep, yn awkwardly said goodbye. Before she reached the door, sungchan called her name. She turned to face him.

“I’m serious. You know that right?” He asked.

Yn struggled to think of what to say. “About what?”

“Liking you,” he said, stepping up onto her porch. “I like you,”

Yn pursed her lips. “I don’t date,” she said quietly.

“But you could date me,” he smiled down at her. “I think that’s a good deal,”

“Sungchan-“

“Just give it a shot,” he stopped her. “And if you still feel the same, I’ll leave you alone,”

Yn looked at him, thinking for a moment, rationalizing with herself. But looking at him, she realized she knew what her answer was.

“Okay,” she said quietly. “One week,”

Sungchan grinned. He held out his hand and indicated for her to enter her number. She entered it.

They said a quick goodbye to each other, before sungchan stopped again. “Unblock me on Twitter, please,”

Taglist; @allyoops @snowyseungs @seobstarr @hollxe1 @haeeeeefer @dinosluver @sseastar-main @st4rryhae @m1ng1swife @hisrkive @papichulomacy @so-lychee @nicholasluvbot @woonagi-lemon @lazuligi , @julsinglee @daegale @leehanascent @bambisnc @nctrawberries @taroddori @mamuljji @chuutaroo @wonychu @wiggledingle @injunnie-lemon @ssweetreveries @kyusqult @enhacolor @7thgyu

[kissitbttr]

LMAOO bae ik u heard of that j cole nd kendrick beef 😭😭 what would frat!mig’s reaction be bc i think its so funny since thats both his fav artists

SEEEE EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MY MIND WHEN I HEARD THE NEWSSSS!! WENT STRAIGHT TO FRAT!MIGGY

“unbelievable. eso fue muy estúpido” he scoffs, scrolling through his phone by the bed.

you peer over your shoulder to look at him, abandoning the open book and pencil. “baby, you have been grumbling for the past ten minutes. are you menstruating or something?”

“what the hell? no! of course not! it’s just that” he sighs heavily, eyebrows pinching in frustrations as his eyes settled on his phone screen. “the fuck is j. cole problem?”

raising an eyebrow, you stand up before walking over towards him. miguel has his sweatpants with no t-shirt on, showcasing his bronze skin with rippled muscles that never fails to make you wet. his other hand playing mindlessly with a ball, throwing it up to the ceiling before catching it back so effortlessly.

“this is about j cole and kendrick beef?” arms crossed over your chest while asking, amused by how your boyfriend gets quite worked up over this,

“technically, kendrick has no beef with the man. j cole just loves to starts shit which is so not him. what the fuck is going on?!” he answers with a tone, eyes looking up at you momentarily. “like look at this shit, muñeca!”

miguel turns the screen towards you, showing a headline of j cole writing a diss track as a response to kendrick’s first jab against him and drake. your eyes squinting to read the news carefully,

“you done reading? my hand is getting tired” miguel jokes, earning a warning glare from you. “see?! and look at this part right here—he even said that kendrick was not that good if he only produced an album once in a blue moon” he rolls his eyes, turning the phone back to him.

“baby that’s not what he said” you watch how his focus is turned back onto the news. “you’re taking it out of context. it even said that kendrick wrote the diss first”

“who’s side are you on?!”

“i’m not siding with anyone!” you defend, almost bursting out a laugh at how serious he is looking at you. as if this beef between his two favorite artists somehow is a matter life and death. “you love these two guys, i don’t think you should put too much thought into it and just rather listen to the music”

“that’s a very loser ass response of you, muñeca”

“fucking excuse me?!”

“this shit is important! because i gotta know what really drives j cole into doing this shit to kendrick. and you know me better, hermosa! if i had to choose between the two it’s always going to be kendrick!”

“well I didn’t ask that”

“well you should have!” he mocks your tone, scoffing. “and why the fuck is drake even gets dragged into this shit?! ‘7 minute drill’ yeah your career is a 7 minute drill compared to kendrick, homie” he tsks, head shaking at the lame attempt of j cole trying to embarrass kendrick.

it’s both cute and annoying when miguel acts like this sometimes, heavy on the annoying though. he really is obsessed with the two men who he will argue to hell and back how they changed his perspectives in music,

“i am not arguing this with you. jackass” you mumble, rolling your eyes. “and since you’re very very preoccupied at the moment, i am cancelling my plan to let you fuck me from behind tonight” you say before walking back to his desk

and that somehow catches his attention. both his hands stop moving, whipping his head towards you and eyes go wide.

“what did you say?! wait—wait—i’ll take it back, baby! these two mean nothing to me! oh my god, please come back! i am going to die if you don’t hop on my dick tonight!”

[whyse7vn]

4TH GEN LEADERS -

[ ot7 x reader ]

taehateclub

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: y/n i’m coming for a sleepover tn

y/n: are you sad or something?

tae: no?

y/n: ok good

no thanks then ❤️

tae: um wtf

y/n: ???

tae: the disrespect i face on a daily is not right and should be studied

jimin: don’t care

yoongi: didn’t ask

jin: L

namjoon: 10 years…

of this

jk: time flies when ur having fun

hobi: i want to blow my brains out tbh

jk: oh

tae: jungkook do you want to see a magic trick?

jk: YES

jin: do pretzels make you fat?

jimin: have you been eating them?

jin: yeah

jimin: yeah they make you fat as fuck

jin: somebody push him off a cliff before i do

jk: show me the magic trick before i kill myself

y/n: this really is my safe space ❤️

namjoon: guys we should all go to therapy

tae: i won’t

i tried therapy and the lady laughed at me

A THERAPIST LAUGHED AT ME LIKE TO ME FACE IS THAT NOT SICK?

yoongi: real

y/n: icon tbh

jimin: my therapist tried to fuck me 😞

jin: why is he lying like omg get a life…

jimin: 30 years of age and still bothering young men like me LEAVE ME ALONE FREAK

yoongi: here they go

namjoon: one day we will all laugh and hold hands

y/n: i got 50 on jin

hobi: 50 on jimin

jin: namjoon pls don’t let him come in here and lie like that it’s actually heartbreaking watching the people closest to me be so fucking delusional and deranged think about the bystanders joon

think.

jimin: END UR LIFE

jin: you first 🤭

jimin: ignoring you

y/n: i win

hobi: aw man

namjoon: are you guys all coming to the party later?

jk: what happened to the magic trick??

yoongi: 👍🏻

hobi: yes yesss

y/n: YES

tae: yup

jin: yes

jimin: NO

jin: don’t care 🥱

jimin: i’m leaving this group and leaving this country

yoongi: k?

hobi: when something is a foot long whose foot are we measuring it off?

y/n: if it’s by yoongi’s then a foot long as hell

jk: tae can you show me now?

namjoon: kook pls let it go…

jimin: i’m jumping of a bridge

hobi: how many of yoongi’s feet tall is the bridge?

jin: one foot could honestly kill him

tae: feet?

namjoon: MOVING ON MOVING ON

jk: there is no magic trick is there

y/n: it’s okay you’ll get over it my love

jk: i don’t think i will

tae: that was a life lesson

learn from it and become stronger

jk: how about you die.

hobi: WOAH

namjoon: no fighting i’m literally begging you guys

jin: didn’t know you were submissive like that

jimin: fr it’s gross as hell

he’s gonna tell us he kisses men next

jk: are you a homophone?????

jimin: are you fr rn

yoongi: wow

namjoon: don’t say anything

y/n: at least his heart was in the right place!

tae: namjoon likes men?

namjoon: no

jimin: yeah

hobi: like a stickerrrrr

jk: congratulations

tae: let’s make a song with drake

y/n: ew

yoongi: no thanks

hobi: pushing p

jimin: pussy

jk: where

y/n: ew again

jk: bts 4th gen leaders!

namjoon: ?

hobi: we are not 4th gen

jk: what?

jimin: we are 3rd gen

jk: oh my god

we are old as hell

y/n: that is actually so gross

3rd gen IS SO GROSS WE ARE OLD AS HELL OH MY GOD IMMA THROW UP

jin: ur both being dramatic

jimin: he’s only saying that because he’s been old since birth

like how you 84 out the womb???

hobi: jimin ur going to hell

jimin: we were all thinking it

jin: everyone deny that rn

…

hello?

y/n: bts 4th gen leaders i agree with jk!!!

yoongi: this does not change the reality

tae: can i be 4th gen it boy

jimin: LMAO

tae: what’s funny?

jimin: nothing

jk: i would like to be best 4th gen rapper

hobi: i’ll be best 4th gen singer

y/n: fair

ig i’ll be the 4th gen it girl

jimin: i’ll be THEE 4th gen visual

y/n: yoongi for 4th gen it boy

yoongi: :3

tae: i wanted to be 4th gen it boy wtf

jk: joon the father of 4th gen

y/n: and jin the 4th gen ace

namjoon: u guys actually delusional

tae: i agree

namjoon: pls don’t agree with me ur making me uncomfortable

tae: sorry father

namjoon: don’t be mad u didn’t get a title

y/n: tea the girls are fighting

tae: i’m not mad

i don’t even care fr

namjoon: sure

tae: sUrE

namjoon: you seem mad

tae: if you died i wouldn’t care

hobi: 4th gen loser

tae: hoseok wtf

hobi: who said that?

y/n: 4th gen furry

tae: ummm?

jimin: 4th gen broke boy

tae: i asked for money ONCE

yoongi: 4th gen bitch

tae: LEAVE ME ALONE

jk: i’m glad we all have titles now

4th gen is not ready for us

y/n: FR!!!!

—

kinda short pls forgive me

[ragnarokhound]

((you don’t have to do both if you don’t want to, you can consider this one a back up / alt))

“If you don’t know where to go, you can always come here.” 💞

From this writing prompt list i reblogged in...november lmao fljdsjfa

anyway this grew legs and sprinted away the second I picked it up yesterday - clearly it just needed some time to proof lmao. Thank you for the ask, tauria!! From *checks watch* almost 5 months ago fjdslafjsa I will be cross-posting it to Ao3 in my new oneshot collection fic :)

Warnings for: Vague allusions that Ra's Al Ghul is a creep (what else is new), threats of gun violence, canon-typical violence

15. “If you don’t know where to go, you can always come here.”

When Tim arrived in Gotham this morning, he had no way of knowing that his day would end in Jason Todd’s bed. 

Frankly, he wasn’t really sure what bed he’d end up in— because his own certainly wasn’t an option right now. But If he had to pick, Jason Todd’s was somewhere near the bottom of whatever list he’d make.

He didn’t exactly plan on this, okay? 

But, uh. Let’s back up a little.

—

Tim knew his day was going to go to shit when he got back from the airport at 7 AM.

He had his driver drop him off two blocks away from his townhouse for the sake of caffeine at the hole in the wall place he likes. Wealthy CEO he may be, but a sixteen hour flight is still a sixteen hour flight and Tim is cursed with an inability to sleep in the air. 

Don’t ask. He’s tried. It doesn’t work.

So he wants coffee, and he wants a shower, and he wants his own bed. In that order.

With the first thing on his list acquired and blessedly burning his tongue, he managed to tug his brain cells together enough to realize that the building they’d passed that had been shrouded in tents and canvas was his building.

"What's going on here?"

The worker outside his building looks up from her clipboard, her face wrinkling into apprehensive confusion.

"Hello, sir. Can I help you?”

He hasn’t slept in roughly seventy two hours. He is not awake or patient enough for this.

“My name is Tim Drake. I own this building. What’s going on here?” He repeats.

The woman raises her eyebrows and looks down at her clipboard again. “Mr. Drake?” She questions, clearly expecting him to look like a grown-ass man and not a sleep-deprived college student coming home from spring break or whatever.

“Yes. Timothy Drake-Wayne. Why are you—” he tries to gesture with the hand still holding his suitcase handle, walking towards the tarps and tents erected around his townhouse with increasing trepidation, “—here?”

“I’m sorry sir, but you can’t go in there. Not for at least forty-eight hours.”

Tim stops in his tracks.

“Forty-eight—?”

“We've been scheduled to fumigate the property today.” She says it like she’s reading it out of a handbook. “It won't be safe to enter the building for at least forty-eight hours. You should have received prior notice. Uh. Sir.”

Tim's jet-lagged brain kicks into overdrive. 

Bruce hasn't made any disappointed noises about Tim’s perfectly normal work ethic lately so it probably wasn't a misguided attempt at benching him. And besides, rendering Tim’s apartment inaccessible is counterproductive on that front. 

Dick wouldn’t. They haven’t been exactly— great, lately but he wouldn’t. Besides, if he wanted to get Tim out of the house more, he’d show up to drag Tim out into the daylight himself. This is a little too roundabout for him.

It’s too much work to be Steph. She would think it’s funny, but there’s no way she’d follow through.

Damian might, but this doesn’t quite fit his preferred methods for making Tim’s life hell. It could be some cloak and dagger maneuver to leave him vulnerable, faking a complaint to the city so he’ll—

And then Tim thinks about the call.

The call he’d brushed off at fuck o’clock in the morning somewhere over Europe, too busy with another project. The call his secretary took for him instead. He thinks about the distracted confirmation he’d given to whatever it was she’d asked him about five minutes later. 

He also thinks about the form he signed about two weeks ago, before this last minute trip to Hong Kong had consumed his entire attention. The one with “Two Weeks Notice” stamped across the top. His stomach sinks.

“Today,” he repeats.

She looks apologetic. “Today,” she confirms. “And we just started about an hour ago. I’m very sorry, Mr. Drake-Wayne but—”

"No it's—" he says through gritted teeth, "fine. I'll just. Make other arrangements."

—

He does not make other arrangements. Though not for lack of trying.

Tim has a handful of safehouses scattered throughout the city. He has options. He gets a taxi to the closest neighborhood, and nearly falls asleep in the backseat. The cabby has to knock on the glass divider to get his attention when they come to a stop. He grumbles and hauls his suitcase out of the backseat, and tips the man excessively.

Shower. Bed. Sleep. He’s so close he could cry.

Except when he finally rolls around the block, coffee half gone and trying to remember if this safehouse is the one with in-unit laundry or if he’ll have to haul his shit down to the laundry room, his building is a blackened husk with police tape all around it.

He stops on the sidewalk. He peers up at the window of his unit, squinting at the peeling black wood and shattered glass. He ponders whether two is enough data points to be considered a pattern. And whether he could get away with napping in the alley on this street or if that’ll end with him stabbed and robbed.

As he’s pondering, he catches sight of a passerby and stops him.

“‘Scuse me,” he says apologetically. “What the hell happened here?”

The guy looks up from his phone and takes in his rumpled clothes, his suitcase, and the scorched remains of his apartment.

“Oh, uh. Yeah, there was a big fire about a week back? Bad fire. Took out, like, half the block. Cops are saying it’s arson.”

“A week ago,” Tim repeats. The guy’s eyes widen.

“Oh shit, bro, did you live here?”

“I’ve been out of town,” he explains numbly.

“Dude, that sucks. And right in the middle of con’ season. Good luck finding a hotel!”

“Yeah,” Tim sighs as the guy walks away. “Thanks.”

—

The next safehouse he tries isn’t in much better shape. 

He remembers hearing about Freeze going on a rampage a few days into his trip, but he hadn’t realized another one of his places had been caught in the cross-fire. The cold burst the pipes, and now the whole place is undergoing renovation.

He hears all this from the crotchety old lady who lives in the next building over (her building needs renovation too, but will the city pay for it? Of course not, they weren’t ‘directly impacted by disaster’ so they won’t see a penny of relief funds even though their pipes are on the same line. Typical) and when he finally extricates himself from the conversation, it’s almost noon, his second cup of coffee is long-since empty and he’s at the end of his goddamn rope.

By the time he sees his next safehouse, he isn’t even surprised anymore.

“Does God hate me?” He asks the boarded up building. “Is this a punishment? What did I do? What the fuck did I do?”

He is 99% sure at this point that someone is burning his bolt holes. There’s a short list of people with the resources and the intel to do it, and while he’s not above ruling out the likes of Damian just yet, he seriously doubts anyone wearing a bat is behind this. 

Besides, Dick would have noticed by now if Damian were sinking this many resources into convoluted covert ops designed to make Tim suffer. Definitely. Probably.

Fuck it.

He goes around the back and hops on top of his suitcase to reach the clunky camera watching the back entrance. This building is on the shittier side, closer to Crime Alley than his other haunts; cameras break all the time around here. He’ll have it replaced after he’s a functional human again.

Reportedly, this building was tagged for ‘high toxicity levels’—  which is pretty typical for any building where fear toxin or Joker gas are found in any amount. They must have found a lot to condemn the whole building, but Tim is confident he’ll be fine. The airborne shit dissipates to safe levels within hours depending on the ventilation. If it was in the air, it’s long gone. Anything else needs to be injected to be effective.

Once the camera’s busted, he kicks out the boards and heads inside.

He drags his suitcase in after him, and mourns the shower he probably won’t be getting. The hall lights are out, and chances are the water’s been shut off along with the electricity. But at this point, he simply does not give a shit. All he wants are four walls and a mattress.

Leaning on the door to his floor to make it open, he stumbles out into the hallway—

And catches sight of the glistening curved dagger stabbed into the wall next to his door, the hilt gleaming green in the sinking sun.

“Nope,” Tim says, spinning on his heel and going back down the stairwell double time. “Nope, nope, nope.”

He is now 100% certain that the League of Assassins has been burning his bolt holes. Ra’s al fucking Ghul can eat his whole ass.

—

Seven blocks away, Tim sits on the sidewalk in front of a bodega and contemplates a third cup of coffee. The shittiest one yet.

See, here’s the thing.

The thing is, he has options.

He could go to the Manor. Or the penthouse. Or to Steph’s place. He’d have to answer some unnecessary questions like ‘Master Timothy, you know you can’t sleep on aircraft, why didn’t you sleep before your flight’ or ‘Tim, why didn’t you come here first, you know you can still come to me if you’re in trouble, right’ or ‘why did you agree to fumigate your fucking house, you loser, lmao’. (Stephanie is not going to let him live this down). 

He is absolutely certain that he would be welcomed in any of these places and after a completely undeserved amount of fussing, he could take a fucking nap and someone else would deal with the League bullshit for him.

And that’s the thing. There’s the rub.

No one should have to deal with the League bullshit for him. This is his problem. He’s not in a hurry to bring them down on anyone. Not even Damian.

With grim resignation, he reaches for his phone to try and find a hotel room (during a con’ weekend apparently, RIP) and maybe get a fucking handle on this whole stupid thing, when he hears:

“Hand over your wallet!”

He lifts his head slowly and finds himself looking down the barrel of a gun. A gun held by some guy wearing a ski mask in broad fucking daylight. There’s another guy next to him who’s watching the street. There’s a third guy somewhere behind him who he can’t see, but he can hear the scuff of his boots.

Sure. Why not. With the day he’s had, this might as well happen. He holds up his hands placatingly.

Tim contemplates his muggers. The guy with the gun is jittery, probably new to this, or hopped up on something. He keeps glancing between Tim and the bodega behind him, so they were probably planning a run on the till. Might have chickened out, or thought Tim was an easier target, an unexpected meal ticket plopped right in their path. Or they were already inside when Tim sat down, which wouldn’t bode well for his situational awareness seeing as he just came out of there himself.

The grinding gears of his tired brain keep getting caught on the fact that this is happening in the middle of the fucking day. Tim glances at the street corner and bites his cheek in frustration. Yeah, he’s smack dab in the middle of the Alley. Figures.

“Are you deaf or somethin’ man?” The guy with the gun is saying. “Hand over your fucking wallet!”

The other guy doesn’t seem as crazy-eyed. He’s nervous, though. He keeps looking around like he’s expecting Batman to materialize, to come whistling down the street like a beat cop.

“Dude, come on, it’s not fucking worth it,” he says, grabbing at the gunman’s shoulder. “We got the money, let’s fucking go.”

The third guy kicks over Tim’s suitcase. “Yeah, come on, Don, let’s just grab this shit and bounce.”

Tim can’t do anything. He’s not Red Robin right now. He’s Timothy Drake-Wayne, CEO of Wayne Enterprises, and he’s getting mugged in front of a bodega at two in the afternoon in a rumpled suit and tie and still toting his suitcase from his early morning flight. 

His hands are trembling from unspent adrenaline, too much caffeine, and not enough sleep. His eyelids are the heaviest they’ve ever been in his godforsaken life. His ears are ringing. He could knock all three of them down in less time than it takes to tie his shoelaces. But he can’t.

“Shut up, Johnny, look at him shaking! What’s he gonna do? If he doesn’t wanna get shot, rich boy’s gonna hand over all his fucking shit!”

“Hey, let’s just—” Tim tries to say.

Stars explode across his vision as Tim takes a punch he genuinely wasn’t expecting. He stares up at the blue sky for about half a second, more confused than anything else, before the gunman grabs him by the front of his shirt and hauls him up to shout in his face.

“What’s it gonna be, pretty boy?!”

Caught on the exhausted edge between vigilante training and the preservation of his identity, Tim is frozen. He doesn’t know what to do. He kind of wants to cry.

“Gee, Donny, what is it gonna be?” A fourth voice says, full of false cheer.

Tim blinks. So do the muggers. 

He knows that voice.

“Who the fuck—?” The gunman drops Tim, spinning around and into a fist. He tumbles down to the ground, out cold.

Everything happens pretty quickly after that.

Jason Todd is in civvies. He’s sporting a worn out looking hoodie and a pair of jeans that have seen better days. But his heavy boots are the same ones he wears for his uniform, and the kick he delivers to Johnny’s face is all Red Hood.

Almost in a daze, Tim watches him fight with the usual mix of seething envy and raw desire that rears its ugly head any time he gets to see Jason in action. He’s fast, decisive. Efficient. Beautiful. Tim wishes he had Jason’s skill. And he wishes— 

Well. He wishes a lot of things about Jason Todd.

Tim is pretty sure he and Jason are friends. Maybe. Probably. They’ve pretty much moved past the whole “replacement”, “zombie-dickhead” part of their relationship and have graduated to occasionally providing backup on ops that overlap in each other’s sectors, ganging up on Dick when they’re all in the same room, and maintaining a surprisingly steady stream of vigilante gossip to keep each other in the loop. 

So, ok, yes, due to the aforementioned, he’s pretty sure they’re friends. And also because Jason wouldn’t have stuck his neck out for him otherwise. He would have just let him get mugged.

Watching Jason fight is one of Tim’s favorite pastimes. But right now, Tim’s usual appreciation is soured by the gut-roiling embarrassment of being caught in this position by Jason of all people. His eyes itch. His cheek throbs. He’s so fucking tired.

“Hey, little stalker,” Jason says suddenly, holding out an expectant hand in Tim’s face. The muggers are groaning on the ground around them. Tim isn’t sure when that happened. He might have zoned out. “Did you know that you had a stalker for a change?”

Tim flushes. “I resent that. I haven’t stalked anyone in years.” He takes the hand. It’s warm, and calloused, and big around his.

Jason laughs at him and yanks him to his feet. “Liar.”

Tim’s mouth twists into a scowl. He tries to glare at Jason, but he can feel himself swaying and Jason still hasn’t let go of him, and it’s ruining everything.

Also, lowkey, Jason is right. But in his defense, it is literally their job to stalk people, so.

“I haven’t stalked you in years then. Just other guys. Bad guys. Not non-bad guys. Fuck. You know what I mean. Whatever.” He pauses; recalibrates. “Had?” He asks.

Jason’s eyebrows inched higher and higher the longer Tim talked. Tim doesn’t blame him.

“Yeah. Had.” 

So much for the League, Tim muses.

Jason gives him a once over before tugging decisively on Tim’s wrist, easily grabbing the handle of his suitcase and starting to walk with both in tow, to Tim’s rising horror. 

“You’re coming with me, shortstack. What’s wrong with you? Are you drunk? You look like shit.”

Tim tries to yank his wrist out of Jason’s grip, but the asshole doesn’t budge. “I’m not drunk,” Tim snaps. “I’m fine. I’m just. I’m just… really tired.”

Jason stops abruptly, and Tim stumbles into his shoulder.

“I can see that,” he says, steadying Tim with an amused but ultimately sympathetic look. He loads Tim’s suitcase onto the back of a motorcycle that Tim literally just now noticed. 

God, he’s fucked. And not even in a fun way. 

“C’mon,” Jason says. “Don’t fall asleep on the way over— road rash sucks ass.”

—

They don’t talk on the way to— wherever Jason is taking them, but once they’re parked in a random garage and walking towards the elevators, the game of twenty questions begins.

“So why’ve you got League assassins after you, anyway? Piss in a lazarus pit? Push over the baby brat on the playground?”

“Ra’s al Ghul wants my body,” Tim says, dejected but resigned to this bizarre fact of his life. “Since I was seventeen, I’m pretty sure.”

Jason wrinkles his nose. “Ew.”

“I don’t think it’s a sex thing? But it could also be a sex thing.”

“Again. Fucking ew.”

“Yeah. Also I blew up a bunch of his shit and I think he’s still salty I got away with it.”

“Is that why you weren’t at the Manor?” Jason asks, herding Tim out of the elevator and down a long hallway. “Or anywhere but a random street in Crime Alley?”

Tim nods. “Yeah. They found all my safehouses, but— my mess. My problem.”

Jason thwacks him upside the head.

“Ow! What the fuck?”

“You’re the dumbest person on the planet.”

“Am not. B is on-planet right now.”

“Then you’re pretty fucking close,” Jason snarks, fishing out some keys and opening one of the apartment doors.

Tim scoffs at him as he’s pushed inside. “Oh, please. Don’t try to tell me you would let Dick swoop in and solve all your problems for you.”

Jason rolls his eyes, stepping into the side kitchen and popping open the freezer door of the fridge.

“Dickiebird can’t even solve his own problems,” he says as he rummages. “But maybe when I’m fucked up enough to let three nobodies robbing a fucking bodega get the jump on me, that’s a sign that, maybe, it might be time to call in the cavalry. Dick isn’t the only person who’s got your back.” He presses an ice pack to Tim’s face until he takes it himself, and keeps steering him through the apartment. “Just saying.”

Tim would protest with all of his very good reasons why Jason is definitely wrong here, but he’s too busy processing the fact that Jason has led him into a bedroom. With a bed. There’s a bed, with a mattress and pillows and blankets. Right there. Tim stares at it with lustful eyes.

Jason catches him staring. He rolls his eyes, but he’s sporting a small smile that Tim has the presence of mind to memorize. He walks over to a dresser and pulls out a big shirt and a pair of shorts that he hands to Tim.

“Look. If you don’t know where to go, you can always come here. No guarantees I’ll be always around, but, yeah. Mi casa es su casa, or whatever.”

Tim eyes him up, clutching the bundle of Jason-smelling fabric in his hands. “And you’d do that for me because…why, exactly?”

Jason flicks his forehead, a stinging reprimand. Tim hisses.

“Because, dumbass, you need help and I feel like it. And you don’t actually suck to be around, so shut up and be grateful.”

“Oh, yes,” Tim deadpans, rubbing at his forehead. “So grateful to be allowed the privilege of squatting with you.”

The thing of it is, Tim is grateful. But Jason doesn’t need to know that.

Jason squawks, and before Tim can duck, he’s snatched Tim around the neck in a headlock. His arm is thick and doesn’t budge no matter how Tim shoves and kicks. The ice pack and the clothes go flying, and Tim just about dies. Jason is warm.

“Jason—!”

“Brat!” Jason crows, not giving an inch. “I paid for this place fair and square— you’re the only squatter here!”

“Blood money doesn’t count as square!”

“Tell that to half of Gotham, kid.”

“I’m trying to, thanks for noticing,” Tim says, finally wrenching himself free of Jason’s grip, stumbling into the bed and giving into its siren song. He sits down heavily on the edge, toppling over sideways and reaching pathetically for the fallen ice pack that’s just out of his reach.

“And don’t call me kid—” he complains, muffled by the pillow. It also smells like Jason. “You’re barely two years older than me.”

The cold ice pack is pressed into his fingers. He cracks an eye open to look, but Jason is just smirking at him, like he’s giving Tim the win. Ass.

“Coulda fooled me, shortstack.”

Tim rolls his eyes, and onto his back, toeing off his shoes and letting them clatter to the floor. He can’t tell if Jason’s bed is the best bed in the world, or if he’s just deliriously inventing things.

Frankly, Jason Todd’s bed is the last place he ever thought he’d end up, this morning or otherwise, so he’s never bothered to speculate. He does not have a contingency plan for this.

“Is there a reason you keep calling me short,” he complains, “Or will I just need to fill in the blanks myself?”

“Can’t help it. You’re just so small,” Jason coos. Tim props himself up on an elbow at that, raising a disgusted eyebrow.

“You don’t hear me constantly talking about how big you are.” 

Jason grins like he just won the lottery; Tim shuts his eyes the second it’s out of his mouth.

“Baby, you don’t know how big I am.”

He does, actually. Not in a creepy stalker way, just— there was this one time. A big rogue breakout at Arkham, all-hands on deck type of situation; Tim, Cass, and Jason were covering Poison Ivy in the park. Acid-spitting pitcher plants were involved.

And look, Jason’s tactical gear is fine in the day to day, but it’s not like any of them had time to prep a neutralizing agent, so when Jason needed his pants off, stat…uh. Well. Tim was right there.

He knows, okay?

“Alright,” he rallies, trying desperately not to replay the memory of Jason adjusting himself through his boxers. All of himself. “I walked right into that one.”

“Oh, trust me. You’ll know if you’ve walked into it.”

Tim scoffs, but he can feel how red his face is.

And the thing is. He says it without really meaning to. 

But he still means it.

“You gonna put your money where your mouth is, big guy?”

The change is immediate. Jason had been halfway out the door, but now he turns to Tim, giving him his full, undivided attention. He looks at Tim, laid out in Jason's bed, giving him a very slow once over. The scrutiny is at once nerve-wracking and thrilling.

“Thought you didn’t want my money,” Jason murmurs.

The temperature in the room spikes. If it weren’t for the slow throb of his bruised cheek, Tim would think that he’s already asleep and dreaming.

But he isn’t. He’s very much aware that he’s wide awake.

Tim swallows. “Well. It’s not your money I want.”

Jason’s grin is electric. 

He stalks over to the bed, and Tim is frozen like a rabbit, waiting to see what he’ll do next. Jason settles a knee on the sheets between Tim’s legs, looming over Tim and boxing him in against the mattress. Tim’s free hand reaches up of its own accord to tangle in the collar of Jason’s hoodie, and the cotton is softer than he expected.

Jason’s eyes rove over his face, dark and heavy. He catches Tim’s face in his hand, swiping his thumb lightly across the bruising hot ache of his cheekbone. He leans in deliberate and slow and—

—and stops about an inch away from Tim’s mouth.

“Get some sleep, babybird,” Jason teases, his breath puffing gently over the skin of Tim’s lips. “You can proposition me again tomorrow.”

“It’s, like, 3:30 in the afternoon,” Tim argues, breathless.

“Yeah, and your body thinks it’s 3:30 in the morning. You’re dead on your feet. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and go the fuck to sleep.”

Jason moves to rise. But Tim hooks a stubborn arm around his neck and pulls him down that last remaining inch. 

The kiss is— bad. At first. 

Tim basically smashed their mouths together to prove a point, and Jason muffles a surprised sound against Tim’s teeth. He lands heavily on top of Tim at an awkward angle, and he’s kind of crushing him. Tim refuses to let go, but— Jason doesn’t pull away.

Jason gentles the kiss instead, and Tim thrills. He levers himself up onto his elbow, wrapping an anchoring arm around Tim’s back. He finds a home between Tim’s legs, and he lets Tim kiss him until Tim's lips are tingling and his fingers go slack; until he can’t keep his eyes open anymore.

Somewhere between fifteen minutes and a small eternity later, Jason presses one more kiss to the corner of his mouth. He curls around Tim on his side, and Tim turns his face into Jason’s neck with a soft wondering sigh.

“I’ll keep it. Promise. Wait n’ see,” Tim mumbles. Jason snorts, but doesn’t budge, and Tim can hear his smile in his voice, lilted and lulling.

“Sure, babybird. I’ll wait. I got nowhere else to be.”

Tim is already asleep.

[nicomoon69]

College AU (or a retirement job au?) where Bernard is a Biology Professor and Tim is a [doesn’t matter] Professor. For the sole purpose of this interaction:

Professor Drake accidentally enters the lecture hall Bernard was teaching in.

Professor Dowd, planning to use Drake as an example of how little we know about our bodies, asks “Professor Drake, could you tell me where your spleen is located?”

Drake replies, “Probably in a jar somewhere in Asia.”

Dowd: 😧

That interaction starts their enemies to lovers story. It was posted on the internet and it wants them to fuck

O MY GODS YES!!!! Bernard would hate Tim somehow being witty with the weirdest story ever and Tim would be so smug bc “HA gotchu”

and not to delve into headcanons but to delve into headcanons I think Tim should teach a language. like he somewhere while heroing does a smth part time and it’s something he already knows so he’s somewhat breezing through it outside of the like cultural side of the study (my preference goes for like Chinese or Ancient Greek) (also disclaimer idk how language studies work outside of the Netherlands so if that’s not how they work in the us mb) and then when he quits hero life does like a master before he ends up teaching at Gotham University (so this would be a retirement AU)

anyways I think them somehow not realizing its Bernard Dowd and Tim Drake from high school would be funny. like they’re beefing for months without ever noticing that “hey wasn’t that the weirdo I went to school with briefly” bc atp it would’ve been years (they’re like well into heir 30s I think) and neither of them rlly recognize the other outside of “hm this feels familiar but I’m not gonna look too deep into it”

also Bernard hating on Tim for being a rookie professor bc Bernard has been working at the university for years while Tim random ass decided after his master that “hey I mean since they asked me why the hell not teach”

and everyone at least somewhat knows of the homoerotic professor fights happening. like you said the internet wants them to fuck!!! someone made a reddit post or smth that blew up (and neither of them is aware bc Bernard learned to not be chronically online anymore and Tim quit the internet bc his psychologist told him to)

them realizing who the other is should also be the most anticlimactic thing ever. random student points it out and they both go “huh”

[justallihere]

THE WAY YOU JUST DROPPED THE NEWEST CHAPTER OUT OF NOWHERE?????? EXCUSE ME ???? I was literally bored out of my mind and ignoring work responsibilities and then you dropped this? It was divine intervention.

so many thoughts so please bear with me

I appreciate how succinctly you wrapped up the Tecarus/luminary conversation. We don't need to spend unnecessary time reading more about him and his annoying niece (Cat not Syrena)

Drake fucking with Xaden has got to happen more often. I have this plot in my head, that Drake will just be "innocently" talking with Vi, and Vi knows what Drake is doing but plays along with it bc it annoys Xaden. Drake feels like that annoying older brother that just wants to fuck with the younger siblings in a good-natured way

Love me some DrakexMira moments... or well Drake staring at Mira and her not giving him the time of day. That's one of my favorite tropes ngl.

Xaden is so open and free with his smiles around Vi and I am equal parts disgusted and happy for him. I love and hate them your honor!!!!

IM SO GLAD WE GOT A SLOANE/DAIN MOMENT. Ngl I forgot abt them but when I read that part, I remembered the bit that didn't make it where Sloane was ogling Dain fighting Cam. man has a TYPE!!!! Poor guy likes her and Sloane is being a bit of a tsundere (idk if you know that term but she's being hot/cold)

I'm imagining the affronted/scandalized look on Vi's face when Xaden didn't share the tea about Dain+Sloane, meanwhile, Xaden just wants to kiss the shit out of her. I HATE THEM SO MUCH

Question: Did they have to imbue the wardstone like they did in canon, or was this assumed that it happened in the background (correct me if I'm wrong about my canon knowledge 💀)

Let me tell you, when I was screaming at poor Vi in canon when she skipped around in Warrick/Lyra's journals (I don't blame her, shes like what 21??? and stressed out her mind and everyone is also like in their early 21s) BUT I'm glad that in SITQ she started from the beginning.

The way I audibly GASPED when the guard was like "your mother is here". I was literally thinking a minute before, when the venin was threatening Violet, that theyre going to use her mother to lure her out (not that, that isn't in the realm of possibility) but I was worried for Liilth's health and safety after that threat. BUT MAMA SORRENGAIL IS BACK AND IM HERE FOR THE DRAMA.

I have this fear that Violet is going to potentially pull from the earth to save everyone.... bc that threat from the venin was ominous as HELL, but like that won't happen right?? right???????? RIGHT ALLI????

Questions

So like are we going to see Jack and Nolon make a comeback??? Bc fuck those two but if its for the plot then I guessss I can deal with it (i say this with uptmost respect and lets be real here. I will still eat up anything you post, I'm just being nosey)

are Mira and Bren going to make up? or is that like a background thing?

also will we see more of Mira and Drake (sorry i feel like im being extra nosey this time so just ignore these questions)

I gave a few hour warning this time!! I’ve been editing it for a week and I was over it lmao

Tecarus was a necessary evil for, like, one second, but Violet got what she needed and she wasn’t going to spend extra time entertaining him. And I wasn’t going to spend time writing drama with the fliers 😌

Drake is so FUNNY I love him, he’s an OC basically but if he ends up different in canon than I’ve imagined him I’m going to be irrationally upset. He’s just like “Xaden lighten up dude” and Xaden is going “please don’t ever look at my wife ever again” and Vi thinks it’s hilarious.

Mira has more thoughts about him than she lets on though 🙊 like she notices his attention for SURE

Sloane and Dain are so much fun (everyone say thank you @skyfallscotland for putting the idea in my head). Can’t wait to write more of them!! Violet is so offended though, like this is information she wanted to know?? And Xaden’s like it serves zero purpose?? Let her gossip idk

Re: imbuing yeah yeah that’s a thing for sure in canon, but I need sleep and a beta reader sooooo. . . pretend it happened at some point, I’ll go back later and add something in about that lmao 😁👍🏻

Lilith is back!!!! I have been waiting for Lilith to be back 😩 family drama next chapter, pray for Violet’s sanity. The venin are venin-ing, we gotta up the stakes a lil because we’re almost to the end

Nolon and Jack and their roles are still a bit up in the air, I’m still working out the specifics of what they’ll do. Mira & Brennan and Mira & Drake are also a toss up, but only because I want to write another one shot in this universe from Mira’s POV and I’m trying to decide what will make it on page in sitq and what I’ll save for that

Thank you as always babe!!!

[dc-marvel-crossovers]

Crossover Fanworks Celebration Masterlist

Thanks so much to everybody who participated! We're still waiting for a couple late entries, but here's the wrap-up of all the fics that were fanworked and their related works. You can find the Ao3 collection right over here.

It seems like everybody involved had a great time, so it's very likely that this will be a repeating event. If you'd like to join in on the next one, follow us here and/or send us a message about joining our Discord!

Knaves All Three by @ginbenci: gen, focused on Steve Rogers, Bruce Wayne, Matt Murdock, Foggy Nelson, and Tony Stark. Funny comedy-of-errors identity porn. 7922 words, rated T.

All Three Knaves by @o-kaythislooksbad

Playlist by @bittercape

Third Wheel by @kangofu-cb: Jason Todd/Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton. Established Bucky/Clint. Roleplay gone hilariously awry leads to a hot-as-hell threesome. 10,776 words, explicit.

Sequel by @carcrash429

Bookbinding by @moonshinebindery

Remix by @there-must-be-a-lock

Playlist by @capriciouswrites

Won’t You Stay Awhile? (I’m Staring At A Ghost) by @daddyswickedqueen: Jason Todd/Steve Rogers. Steve gets picked up (and flustered) in a dive bar; sexy, but also a great look at both characters. 5022 words, explicit.

Podfic by @betrayedbycinnamon

Remix by @sammialex

Sequel by @darbydoo22

Moodboard by @drgrlfriend

Snow On The Beach by @bittercape: Jason Todd/Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton. Interconnected vignettes of a developing relationship — some funny, some fluffy, some smutty, and some all of the above. 13,181 words, range from T to explicit.

Art by @o-kaythislooksbad

More art by @o-kaythislooksbadkay

Timestamp by @betrayedbycinnamon

Spider and Bat Friends by @emmacortana: mostly gen. A series of standalone fics about Peter Parker in Gotham. Mixed bag with something for everybody: some wildly creative crack, some angst, and more. 170,897 words total, mostly rated T.

Podfic by @graham-cracker-guillotine

Art by @wyxan

The Stockings Were Hung by @betrayedbycinnamon: Jason Todd/Bucky Barnes and background /Clint Barton. Christmas lingerie, insecure Jason, and a tender, reassuring Bucky. 3945 words, explicit.

Remix by @darbydoo22

Moodboard by @kangofu-cb

Sunrise On The East Side by @wyxan: Tim Drake/Peter Parker/Michelle Jones, established Peter/MJ. Spilled coffee + endearingly awkward Peter; luckily MJ is a boss and very comfortable doing something about his crush on Tim. 8816 words, explicit.

Remix by @there-must-be-a-lock

Podfic by @noxnthea

Finders Keepers by @drgrlfriend: Jason Todd/Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton. Adorable “meet-ugly” courtesy of animal friends. Clint and Jason aren’t used to romance, and Bucky decides to change that. 3081 words, rated T.

Art by @bittercape

Podfic by @daddyswickedqueen

Remix by TheologyDiscography

Moodboards by @there-must-be-a-lock

What's in the name by @graham-cracker-guillotine: Peter Parker & Bruce Wayne centric. Feel-good fluff and humor. 2142 words, rated G.

Podfic by @carcrash429

Art by @o-kaythislooksbad

blood upon the snow by @carcrash429: One fic is Clint Barton/Bucky Barnes; others are gen, focused mainly on Clint and Dick Grayson, with appearances by Natasha, Roy, and others. Fae Clint fantasy AU with great world-building. 11,900 words, rated T.

Art by @o-kaythislooksbad

Podfic by @noxnthea

Moodboards by @there-must-be-a-lock

can't start a fire without a spark by @mightymightygnomepriest: Frank Castle/Jason Todd. Frank saves a puppy and gets caught in the rain. Soft and sweet and sexy. 3468 words, explicit.

Remix by @daddyswickedqueen

Sequel by @bittercape

getting better in the worst way by @o-kaythislooksbad: gen, featuring characters from Moon Knight, Doom Patrol, Teen Titans, Hulk, and Venom. Creative canon mashup with characters that don’t get a lot of representation in fic. 80,064 words, rated T.

Moodboards by @there-must-be-a-lock

Hawksnest by TheologyDiscography: Jason Todd/Clint Barton. Post-Under The Red Hood friends-to-lovers with a fun twist on Clint’s story. 3359 words, rated T.

Podfic by CainPods

Sequel by @o-kaythislooksbad

Marshmallow Crime Lords by @noxnthea and @there-must-be-a-lock: Jason Todd/Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton, but the relationship isn’t the focus; lots of BatFamily shenanigans and fluff. 46,440 words, rated T.

Remix by @bill-longbow

Sequel by @bittercape

Art by @wyxan

Podfic by @flowerparrish

Playlist by @carcrash429

If It's A Highway by @there-must-be-a-lock: Jason Todd/Bucky Barnes, Lost Days/post-CA:TWS canon fusion. 77,122 words, explicit.

Timestamp by @bill-longbow

Art by @wyxan

[auckie]

wild that kendrick might actually be held responsible if ugms threats are real

I think it’s just a rumor, I mean if they are mediating they’re probably just demanding Kendrick cease and desist, which means little since cease and deists letters are meaningless, and Kendrick’s music is distributed through a subsidiary (interscope) afaik, but he’s technically independent.

To clarify, a rumor that they’re trying to meddle legally speaking. Bc I’m sure theyre pushing any other way.

Drake is signed to UMG, tho, and like. With how they responded with the Diddy situation i wouldn’t be surprised. Kendrick would absolutely have ground to stand on tho bc you could say the claims that’s he’s a wife beater and his kid is actually Dave frees are just as defamatory as him claiming drakes slept with underage girls. Maybe not in the scope of ‘public opinion and morality’ yeah, but I think libel goes out the window with diss tracks when both party’s are firing back and forth.

Like in the heart part 6 drake says he fed Kendrick false information, which is stupid as hell, but also…like I’m no expert obviously, and Im sure google wouldn’t give me a cut and dry answer, but im imagining that using that in court would just make everything bunk. if you’re suing someone for libel but they have the equivalent of ‘yeah I had my people feed this information to the defendant’ on record? As the plaintiff that seems. Stupid. But I don’t know.

He’s probably fine but I guess we’ll see. The shooting outside of drakes mansion is funny timing. Verdicts not out if it’s related. His latest track is so fucking cheesy too tho look at this shit

Like shut up you dick head Jesus Christ. Are you gonna call Rick Ross fat again? Are you gonna point out that Whitney’s mixed? Okay.

[slvttyplum]

ೀ jjk men with songs from my playlist.

this an old draft.

nanami: earned it (weeknd) & kiss it better (riri)

- mm dripping thinking about it

- he’s literally these songs

- but will he fuck you to these?

- yes no question

- put down the pitchforks

- “what are you willing to do?” right! but he’s willing to do a lot for you

- “you’re always worth it.” you’re worth all his time, call him and he’s answering first ring.

satoru: sex, money, feelings die (lykke li) & fetish (selena gomez)

- sex, money, feelings die is my fave song

- anyways

- “baby don’t you cry.” this lyric is so him

- this song just reminds me of him

- “you got a fetish for my love.” both of you feed off each other

- “i push you out and you come right back.” he can’t leave for long and neither can you

- your love for him is a drug and so is yours

- he’s addicted to you.

suguru: little bit (lykke li) & ivy (frank ocean)

- little bit just screams suguru

- “i think i’m a little bit in love with you.”

- that song plays every-time he enters the room

- “and for you i keep my legs apart, and forget about my tainted heart.” UGH!!

- all your worries, breakups, open wounds slip away when he’s with you

- touching you, feeding you words of comfort.

- ivy is so him. stsg

- “i thought that i was dreaming when you said you loved me.” he’s never felt as much love from anyone but you

- “if you could see my thoughts, you would see our faces.” he’s never not thinking about you

- you’re always on his mind.

- the overall song is just… yeah

toji: twisted (two feet) & child’s play (drake)

- the first song doesn’t have many lyrics to go off of

- but i can imagine fucking him to this

- child’s play is toji in a nutshell but reversed.

- “i took my key and tried to hide it so you can’t find it and out on mileage… then you find it awkward silence.”

- this lyric is so funny to me cause just imagine trying to hide your keys from toji and he finds it and you’re both just looking at each other saying nothing.

- “don’t make me give you back to the hood.”

- you threaten this man every-time that you’ll kick him out if he don’t get his shit together

- “took you from the hood and i could never give you back.” sums up the entire relationship, you threaten him but in your heart you know you can never give him up.

choso: meddle about (chase atlantic) & les (childish gambino)

- yall knew a chase atlantic song was going to be up here

- “we only met each other just the other day, but you already got me feeling some type of way.”

- the two of you were love at first sight, he looked good, you looked good, why can’t two good looking people get together?

- “cause it’s not just a figure of speech you got me down on my knees.” HELL YEAH!!

- he’s down bad for you, more ways than one.

- les gives me toxic choso i can’t explain it

- “we’re kissing in the bathroom… i hope nobody catch us.” he KNOWS y’all not supposed to be messing around but he can’t get enough

- “cause either way, we both lying more than half of the time.” see what i mean??

- maybe i’m projecting but choso being toxic when???

- i need it

- anyways definitely