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i put honey in my coffee instead of synthetic (normal) sugar and i'm... i'm in love. fuck. it's like i could never get sick of this beverage. ever. my biggest issue with coffee was the fact that its flavor made me sick after the second cup or so, every cup thereafter for the rest of the day. but with honey it just never makes me sick. it's my 6th cup or something today and i'm still craving more.
i've found it. the nectar of the gods. literally.
#coffee#adhd#beverages#i think with synthetic sugar it doesn't do anything to soften coffee's strong flavor#(which is good but gets to you after a while so you can't keep going. it's like red wine)#it just makes it sweet like purely sweet#honey has a taste of its own#which mixes oh so extremely well with coffee#like it was made for coffee#bees evolved because of caffeine#get in bitch we're getting diabetes
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momther has been freed \0/ with also news she has diabetes. APPARENTLY??
which like whoo they caught that less whoo the docs apparently did an immediate 180 to focusing on. Just That. and not y'know. The Reason She Was There, and im like. wish i coulda been there for emotional support but also. i probably woulda bit the doctor-
#jackals barks#like straight up didn't give her a script for pain meds (luckily our pcp was able 2 refill hers)#and was A Bitch about momthers diet (implying she was lying about eating healthy) and getting onto her for not working out#which like hey. come here. look me in my eyeballs. right in em#you have the little computer that tells you how bad her arthritis is yes? and the fact her spine is Yknow. Crumbling? you have that lil guy#tellin you this. Tell Me How She Is Meant To Exercise In A Way That Is Both Healthy And Safe :)#ANYWAYS. hmfj. momther is still Uncomfortable bc unfortunately her issue is. y'know. chronic#but the meds got it down to a Reasonable level and b4 they hyper focused on the diabetes they were gonna get her in touch with like#All Of The Flesh Wizards? like. spine dude. pt. pain clinic etc. (we're both kinda like 😬 at each other tho bc Cant Really. Afford That)
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𝐉𝐉𝐊 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘
—a/n: ngl i cooked. overcooked even, so imagine some of the nastiest shit, this has it all. if i studied this much in my exams i would have a higher CGPA. anyways. hex codes are given. hope you like it.
—cw: dick+pubes+balls+cum analysis (kill me pls), monsterfucking in sukunas, creampie and breeding, never heard phrases from my dicktionary, not proofread plus it's 4 am i am half asleep
𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔
code: length: #ffe8d6 , tip: #f2aab7
We all know it. King of long dick. okay but no fr he has the longest dick in jjk. but let's get to the details. so size?? a whopping 7 inches. but you know his dick does this thing that when it gets hard, it curves slightly so hey!! maybe the true size is 7.2 or something. about color...his cock has the same color as his normal skin tone but as it approaches to the tip, it falls under a blushing pink gradient. and god his tip is so pink when he's hard, it feels likes all the blood in his body is settling there. his pubes hmm? white bush. he does trim it tho. but c'mon man!! it's gojo satoru we're talking about. he gets off seeing your nose rubbing against his white trim when you deepthroat him. also it's very rare for people to deepthroat him because as i said, longest dick. which is why when you actually manage to take him all the way in, the rare feeling of the throat sucking in has him shooting his translucent load down your throat. how does his cum taste? slightly sweet. duh. he's a sweet tooth and the reason he doesn't get diabetes is because all the sugar goes into his semen.
𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈
code: length: #ad8272 , tip: #875f54
*long inhale* bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock bigfatcock. incase i wasn't clear. he has a BIG FAT FUCKING COCK. he has the cock of our dreams. his size is long and girth is thick asf. length would be about 6.8 or 6.7. well about the girth...3.5 inches. yeah. good luck sucking that in your hole lmao. let's get to the tone. his cock has much darker color than his body. he has one of those milktea brown cocks. and the cockhead is even darker like coffee. oh wait! the cockhead. right. so hear me out. DID YOU KNOW HE HAS A FAT MUSHROOM TIP? the kind that is so thick that it gets lowkey stuck in your hole when he pulls out. my man has to tell you to breathe and relax so he can get it out. about his balls, bitch they're as the same size as big lemons. like you know why he wears those baggy bottoms otherwise everyone would see those nuts easily. they're not even nuts. nuts are dry. his have so much cum inside that if he doesn't shoot his load in you or on you once a day, they'll actually explode. cum taste? i said it before here but incase you're new here, it tastes like if someone put a little lemon and msg in thick and creamy alfredo sauce. bye.
𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔
code: length: #c99a89 , tip: #fcd7ca
*evil laugh* i am not holding back on him but hear me out. HORSE COCK. have you seen it?? it's like curvy girthy cock. me thinks he has long hair and broad shoulders. and have you seen his hands??? it all sums up. isn't as long as gojo but god that meat is fat as fuck. his size has to be around 6 inches and the girth from a 2d angle is about 2 so i found the pythagorean theorem of his cock which is like 6.324 inches. so his tip starts at like 5.324 inches. about the tone...his dick starts darker—or maybe it's cuz of his pubes—at the base but as it reaches towards the head, it blends into the color of his skin tone. geto likes to clean shave sometimes but you know when he saw you drooling over his happy trail when he came out of the shower with a flimsy towel wrapped around his body, yeah he couldn't get that drooling expression of yours out of his head. so he trims it to the length that wouldn't get in the way and is easy to keep it clean but also enough to make you salivate. his balls are very similar to a fig in shape. aren't really fat but they grow hella tight when he is close to cumming. the taste of his cum is sour. i am telling you. like not too sour but it sorta has the acidic taste to it. but nonetheless it tastes good on your tongue. on his too, when he kisses you after shooting a load in your mouth
𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎
code: length: #e8cca9 , tip: #b59267
chooo choo mfs. i am about to go off. dw i won't slander him, he has already suffered enough. #justicefornanami but anyways back with my girthy cock agenda. now listen. he is not long. i mean he has an average size but the girth??? sheesh! that makes up for it. his length has to be like 5.8 or max to max 6 though gotta love that 4 inches girth, big fat meat, exceeeding half the size of his length. now if you don't understand this concept in numericals, let me indulge you in a scenario that might help. imagine him coming home frustrated from work and all he needs is a warm shower. but there you are all slutty in your outfit and all he wants to do is blow your back out. so he gets hard...like really hard. and it's so painful for his cock to stay put under all those layers of cloth that if he doesn't free it, it will tear it's fat way out. so when he finally decides to unbuckle the belt, pull his undies down with the waistband, his cock jumps out and slaps against his shaved pelvis. so loud that you can hear it over the noise of the tv. now you get it? no? okay hear this one. when he wears an underwear coming fresh out of the shower, his dick takes up about the area similar to a size of a bowl. about his tip, he has a fat tip bruh. not too fat because the base is much thick but yeah. now time for the taste, mixture of citrusy and salty. like when he cums in your tongue it has that salty flavor but the after taste is sweeter and falls more of the citrusy side. maybe like a tangerine. wow i really went off. apologies everyone.
𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀
code: base: #805149 , length: #f5d7c6 , tip: #edc8bb
i am in my monsterfucking era so this is gonna be monster kuna. so we all know four arms, two dicks yada yada yada but did you know sukuna has a special ability?? like we all know he can summon his mouth anywhere but did you know he can summon his dick too? anywhere on his body. he does this thing where if you act too bratty, he'd throw his palm your mouth and you'd think he's just blocking your voice but this mf pops out a whole ass 8 inch monster cock in your mouth that has you gagging and choking, eyes rolling back. *728 dead. 263 injured* there's no size for kuna since he can adjust the size but if we're talking tones, the base of his cocks (wow. plural. would you look at that) have reddish undertone. like tomato red but the actual dickbod has like peachy pink color. his cockhead is long and kinda blends into the length. his cum tastes bitter and sour. not repellent but the taste is still strong. don't underestimate this man though. he'll rip your holes apart yet have you begging him for more. that's what simply is the power of the king of curses. he has you compelled. but i gotta give it to sukuna fuckers. y'all have some of the strongest pussy/ass.
𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐎 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎
code: length: #f2e7c4 , tip: #d6b596
chosito's cock represents a shampoo bottle. now you might ask which one. the retail shampoo bottle that you use as your mic in the shower. he has a pretty and perfect dick. his girth is thick enough for you to wrap your fingers around you and his length enough to fill you up. whenever you stroke his cock, you can't stop looking at it. it just fits right. like it was made for you. so perfect. his size falls under 5.6 to 5.9 inches and the girth is 2.5 inches, so it's like a good ratio. he has an olive undertone and a darker mushroom tip. his pubes aren't trimmed but he keeps them extra clean. you know it because whenever you give him a blowjob and you take him all the way in, there is a floral smell lingering around the area. he doesn't naturally sweat a lot plus he has a very bouncy skin with slightly soft texture so his cock is always pleasant to suck. choso also has very visible veins. and when i mean very...i mean very. like i mentioned his skin has a soft texture so the skin on his length is flimsy and kinda see through. so when you are settled between his legs, stroking him, your eyes are so indulged in watching the blood rush through them and when he cums, his veins start slightly moving and his balls tightens. Oh! Balls. can i say it?? okay i'll say it. Breeder balls. i told you he has a 5.6 inch cock, y'all would have been disappointed. but see the creator of this universe took a few mass off his dick only for it to be filled in them breeder balls. which is why, he cums a lot. when he shoots a load, he almost gives you a facial. his cum is sweet with a metallic taste. but hey! it's a pleasure to swallow his cum. but you know why i compared his cock to a shampoo bottle? it because when he is so horny and hard and you give his base a few big squeezes, he'll spurt out a thick load of cum like your shampoo.
Tags: @bluberrimuffintop @anxious-chick @yuujispinkhair @osamwah @arisaturn @multistan-247 @sensitive-neuvi-enthusiast @mrskokushibo @desi-the-blue-eyed-kakushi @crescentmoontsuki @dianagracesworld @ariachaos @pu-re-love @trueformsukuna @loyal-to-my-dilf @baizzhu @w0nderbeluga @splatmastr @vuggevise @makisslut @moonish-en @lufemia @jeanboyjean @marshadowstea @frustrated-kitten @katsukichu @sir-kuroo @aleks-chan @dreadsuitsamus @justiceforquentin @kitashousewife @jiaspoon @sintiva @dawn-bunni @mostlyhornyandsad @dilfslayer3000 @shadowy--night @palebananafury @shutyourwhoremouthbecky @figlia-della-luna @marenalee @aoitoge @lahniu @kayjayxx @seraphinaivy @megumistoehair
#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo x reader#gojo smut#toji x reader#toji smut#geto x reader#geto smut#nanami x reader#nanami smut#sukuna x reader#sukuna smut#choso x reader#choso smut#gojo satoru x reader#fushiguro toji x reader#nanami kento x reader#kamo choso x reader
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Wound Care
Ok so, take this with a BIG grain of salt, because I may be a medical doctor BUT you need to know how much wound care training we get in medical school: none. Zip. Zilch. There may be medical schools where you do, but mine wasn't a bozo factory and there was NO wound care training. Everything I know I learned from one of several sources: an intensive 2-day wound care course I did in residency (highly recommend), the local Home Health wound care nurse (highly recommend), a completely batshit insane old white male doctor who started our learning sessions by yelling Vietnam War stories at me (do not recommend), a hospital wound care nurse (highly recommend), and experience (oh god do not recommend).
The first thing you need to know is that wound healing varies dramatically across the course of a lifespan. Kids? Kids will heal. If they don't, get their ass to a pediatrician because there's something genetic going on. Young adults will heal. Middle-aged adults will heal. You know who doesn't heal for shit? The elderly, and people with severe illnesses, and people with uncontrolled type II diabetes.
Your body needs several things in order to heal. It needs macronutrients, so you need to be able to EAT protein, fat, and carbs. If you are on total parenteral nutrition, aka TPN, aka IV nutrition, you are going to be worse at healing. If you are starving yourself, you are going to be worse at healing. If your body is desperately funneling all the calories you take in to surviving your COPD or cancer, you are going to be worse at healing.
It also needs micronutrients. If your diet sucks, you won't heal. Take a multivitamin once in a while.
There are two CRITICAL skin components to healing: collagen and elastin. Guess what we stop making as we age. Promoting collagen isn't just good for "anti-aging," it's good for NOT ripping your skin apart. Taking oral collagen is probably bullshit because your body is going to have to disassemble it to get it across the intestinal membranes to absorb, but it's also harmless, and if your diet REALLY sucks, who knows. Give it a try. Collagen is made of amino acids; think protein.
Another absolutely crucial component is blood flow. As people age, they start to develop cholesterol plaques lining arteries that eventually pick up calcium deposits. This makes blood vessels less elastic, which is a problem, but eventually also blocks them off, which is a much bigger problem. If someone has the major blood flow to their feet decreased by 90% by arterial stenosis, they are not going to heal for shit AND their foot's gonna hurt.
One component of blood flow I hadn't thought about before going into medicine is fluid retention. The way your body works, blood exits the heart at a very high velocity, but slows to a crawl by the time it gets into capillaries, the smallest blood vessels in the body. Water is a very small molecule and can leave the blood vessel, especially if there aren't big, negatively-charged molecules like proteins like albumin in the blood vessels to hold the water there. And we're built for this--some water is supposed to leak out of our blood vessels when it gets to real little vessels. It gets taken back up by the lymphatic system and eventually dumped back into the bloodstream at the inferior vena cava. But if you aren't making albumin--for instance, in liver failure--you may leak a LOT of fluid into the tissue, so much that your legs get swollen, tight, the skin feeling woody and strange. This isn't fixable by drainage because the fluid is everywhere, not in a single pocket we can drain. And because it puts so much pressure on the tissues of the skin, it often results in ulcers. Congestive heart failure, liver failure, kidney failure--these are all common causes of severe edema, aka swelling due to fluid in the tissues. And they're a real bitch when it comes to wound care, because we have such limited resources for getting the fluid back out, which is a necessary first step to healing.
Pressure is another common cause of wounds. Pressure forces blood out of those little capillaries, so you starve the cells normally fed by those capillaries, and they die. It's called pressure necrosis. Very sick people who can't turn themselves over--people in the ICU, people in nursing homes--are especially prone to these wounds, as are people with limited sensation; pressure wounds are common in wheelchair users who have lost some feeling in the parts of their bodies that rub against those surfaces, or diabetics who don't notice a rock in their shoe.
So, if you're trying to treat wounds, the questions to ask are these:
Why did this wound happen?
-Was it pressure? If it's pressure, you have to offload the source of the pressure or else that wound will not heal. End of story. You can put the tears of a unicorn on that thing, if you don't offload the pressure it won't heal.
-Was it fluid? If it's fluid, you have get the fluid out of the issues or else it won't heal. You can sometimes do that with diuretics, medications that cause the body to dump water through the kidneys, but that's always threading a needle because you have to get someone to a state where they still have juuuuust enough fluid inside their blood vessels to keep their organs happy, while maintaining a very slight state of dehydration so the blood vessels suck water back in from the tissues. You can use compression stockings to squeeze fluid back into the vessels, but if they have arterial insufficiency and not just venous insufficiency, you can accidentally then cause pressure injury. The safest option is using gravity: prop the feet up above the level of the heart, wherever the heart is at, at that moment, and gravity will pull fluid back down out of the legs. Super boring though. Patients hate it. Not as much as they hate compression stockings.
-Was it a skin tear because the skin is very fragile? This is extremely common in the elderly, because they're not making collagen and elastin, necessary to repairing skin. If this is the case, make sure they're actually getting enough nutrition--as people get into their 80s and 90s, their appetites often change and diminish, especially if they're struggling with dementia. And think about just wrapping them in bubble wrap. Remove things with sharp edges from their environments. I have seen the WORST skin tears from solid wood or metal furniture with sharp edges. Get rid of throw rugs and other tripping hazards. I had somebody last week who tried to a clear a baby gate and damn near destroyed their artificial hip.
The next critical question: why isn't it healing?
-Are you getting enough nutrients? Both macro and micro?
-Are you elderly?
-Are you ill?
-Do you have a genetic disorder of collagen formation?
Fix why it's not healing and almost anything will heal. If you're diabetic, find a medication regimen that improves your sugars and stick to it. If you're anorexic, get treatment for your eating disorder. If you have congestive heart failure, work with your doctor on your fluid balance. Wear the damn pressure stockings. Prop up your feet.
If, after those two unskippable questions are done, you want to do something to the wound--apply a dressing, do a treatment--that's a whole other kettle of fish. I'll write that later. The dryer just sang me its little song and I need to put away the laundry.
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Little things the Freedom Pals do for a New Kid!Reader during and after a battle.
Part one with Raccoon and Friends: ☆here☆
@everythingwasnormalhere, this part two was inspired by your comment!
Professor Timmy:
☆ Professor Timmy can't often get to you in a timely manner if dangers coming your way, but he makes up for it with his stellar ability to communicate via his mind. It's a lot harder for someone like Tupperware or Wonder-Tweak to yell across the battlefield and be heard amidst the heat of battle. However, seeing as he speaks in your mind, it's infinitely easier for him to warn you of an incoming attack or a more strategic maneuver to take down enemies.
"On your left, New Kid! Brace for impact, I'll provide assistance shortly."
☆ Professor Timmy likes to let you in on his plans first, even letting you be one of the first to see his incredible franchise plan.
"This will be the end to our struggles, if only the Raccoon and Friends agree to your terms..."
Tupperware:
☆ He's got some pretty intense armor, so a lot like Captain Diabetes, he's willing to rake a few hits for you in the battlefield. Just... not too many, he doesn't want to bang up his mother's Tupperware.
"Watch out New Kid, coming through with the Tupperware tornado!"
☆ He doesn't have any food or snacks to share after the battle, given that he's wearing everything you'd usually store food in. Luckily, he's got money, so post-battle if you wanna hang out, he'll gladly head to an arcade or take you to the Dispensary/KFC.
"I'm hungry, you hungry, New Kid? Let's get outta here."
"Ey! I want KFC to you son of a bitch! New Kid, get back here!" Raccoon yells.
Wonder Tweak:
☆ He's usually too focused on... tweaking out during battle to actually worry about healing teammates, but he's on it once the heat of the battle has died down. He'll check on professor Timmy and the others, his anxiety getting the better of him once hes no linger focused on his own survival. He'll patch you up, and try to calm you with the things he remembers Craig telling him (though he'd rather not talk about his Raccoon and Friends counterpart right now.)
"I-its gonna be okay, ah! Hold still, I'm gonna put on this band-aid, a-ah! Get a snack to heal, UNLESS YOU'RE ALLERGIC?!"
☆ He understands the importance of a support system, so whether you're an ex-member of Raccoon and Friends or just joined because of the causes message, he makes sure you have a space in the Freedom Pals base. He's got a corner where he goes to de-stress, and it's his personal space to fix himself up post-battle. He'll drag an extra bean-bag chair over for you, and offer to let you hold Stripe if he's got him for the night.
"Ack, here. He's great for after a big f-fight, he can sense i-inner turmoil!"
Toolshed:
☆ He's got an eye on you, always prepared to help, but... in all honesty, he just likes to watch you. Whether you're fierce and powerful or a little more of an assist type, he's always impressed by your ability to hold your own. He's gets a little more than flustered, but in the heat of battle he's actually less worried about complimenting you, hoping you'll just write it off as team members cheering each other on.
"Yeah! Sock it to them, New Kid! I'm here for you- we're here for you. The-the team is here for you, the Freedom Pals are, not me specifically-"
"Toolshed, keep your hormones under control during the battle, we must stay focused." Professor Timmy says, immediately causing Toolshed to turn green and move across the battlefield as far as possible from you.
☆ Please don't ignore him for any of the other guys, he's knows his powers are more tool-based and a little more generic, but he's not gonna feel very good about himself if you follow around Mysterion or heaven forbid, a member of Raccoon and Friends. He's still upset about Kyle not switching over. In order to prevent this, he makes sure you know what a good choice it was to be a member of this franchise instead. He'll show off there awesome base, and constantly mention how well the team did in battle, all in the hopes of keeping you around.
"I bet you never won a battle that quick when you were a Raccoon friend, huh? Not that you couldn't, I mean cause you had shitty teammates! Like... like Kite..."
Mysterion:
☆ He's technically a member of the Freedom Pals, but more often than not he works alone. He's usually described as mysterious, or creepy, even brutal, but the number one word you can use to describe him is 👏 PROTECTIVE 👏! None of the many bad guys that stalk the streets of south park are gonna get the jump on you, don't worry.
"Hey asshole!" A growly voice comes out from the shadows as a pounding sound hits the alley dumpster. "Get ready to feel the swift, ribbed fist of justice!"
☆ He's quick to depart post battle, not taking time to celebrate. He's got real justice to go serve, but... ever since you joined the team, he's been more hesitant to rush off. Still, doesn't mean he's great at figuring out how to socialize amongst the team. He just kind of... stands in the shade under the staircase that leads into the basement and broods. He kinda hopes you think it's hot.
"Oh, hey. Just thinking about giving those mob assholes what's coming to them..." He bites his lip, brows furrowed under his cowl as he tries to come up with a conversation piece that's not as harsh or violent as he uses with others. "I uh- did I ever tell you I have a sister? I think you'd like her..."
#fractured but whole#gender neutral reader#kenny mccormick#mysterion#south park#south park x reader#x reader#south park fanfiction#south park fractured but whole#kenny mccormick x reader#stan marsh x reader#tweek tweak#tweek tweak x reader#stan marsh#tolkien black#tolkien black x reader#professor timmy#timmy south park#mysterion x reader#fractured but whole x reader#south park the fractured but whole x reader#south park fbw x reader
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Band AU: Hazbin Hotel
Because there's always a band AU.
-666 News Broadcast Theme Plays through the dive bar cafe from the small, flickering TV in the corner-
Katie Killjoy: Breaking News in the Pop industry today! Our sunshine and rainbows, Mandy Moore wannabe, and Princess of Hell, Charlotte Morningstar, has come out with a new music video to help promote a brand new album that appears to have been conjured up seemingly overnight.
Angel: Hey, Vagina! (Elbows Vaggie) Ain't that your girl crush from the open band night down at Husk's Casino two months ago?
Vaggie: (chokes on her coffee) What?! Turn it up, Jackass!
Angel: (steals the remote from across the bartop and turns up the TV)
Tom Trench: And, boy howdy, this makeover is on par with most Disney child stars diving off the deep end!
Katie Killjoy: (spears a pen through Tom's hand) No one gives a shit Tom.
Tom Trench: MY HAND!!!
Katie Killjoy: Spectators and fans of our usually diabetically sweet princess feel that this sudden shift is caused by her breakup with Seviathan Von Eldritch just last month, ending the royal arranged engagement, after he mentioned how she refused to "put out" before marriage in an interview with Hell's High Class Weekly.
Vaggie: (bristles) The douchebag....
Katie Killjoy: Let's watch as our lovely princess makes her breakdown public.
-Screen shifts to Charlie holding a mic in one hand while picking a guitar in another, wearing 2000's Avril Lavigne glam rock attire (hot pink, baggy cargo pants, black leather studded belt, rainbow converse, black leather wrist bands, grey tank top with two black goats faced just the right way so their curved horns make a heart and tied together with a rainbow knot, and a black and red stripped tie) Razzle and Dazzle are playing drums and bass-
Charlie: Don't you know that IIIIIIIII- (flips off the camera and sticks out her tongue while mouthing "Fuck you, Seviathan" as the song reaches its climax) I don't give a daaaaaaaamn about you!!! I won't give it up, not for you!!! I'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy. A guy who thinks he's all that!
Vaggie: Whoa! (Big smiles like when Adam got stabbed) Get it, Charlie!
Katie Killjoy: (as the screen returns to normal) Other songs on the album include "Behind These Crimson Eyes", "The Dick Who Blocked His Own Shot", "Smack a Bitch", "Since U Been Gone", and the gay community's rabid favorite "Dear Vaggie"-
Angel: (sucking down his third popsicle for breakfast) What now?
Vaggie: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Katie Killjoy: -The obviously plagiarized parody of "Cool for the Summer" by Demi Lovato has unsubtle lesbian and bisexual overtones that specifically mentions Vaggie "the Steel Vagina". The lead singer and guitarist of the Power/Grunge Metal band, Fallen Angels
Angel: (wheezes as he laughs breathlessly and falls off his stool)
Vaggie: (steaming) Angel!!! ¡Eres un chupapollas, hijo de puta! Why would you tell the news that was my name?!
Angel: (ugly walrus gasps and giggles) Because it's better than I ever dreamed!!!!
Katie Killjoy: Fans of both artists are absolutely frothing at the mouth to see what Vaggie's response will be.
Tom Trench: Frothing at the mouth and other orifices, if you catch my drift. (Gets a pen slammed into his balls) GaaAhaHaaaaHaha!
Katie Killjoy: More on this story tonight at eleven.
Vaggie:
Angel: Soooooo~ Whatcha wanna doooooo~?
Vaggie: We're going to Tune Town, getting a copy of that album-
Angel: Ooooooooh-hohohoooooh~ I can visit dat nice glory hole they got there.
Vaggie: -THEN!!! We are going back to the apartment and making a response single.
Angel: Do you know what you even want to put in it?
Vaggie: (slipping on her jacket) I'll figure it out after listening to the album!
#hazbin hotel#incorrect hazbin hotel quotes#band au#pop star charlie#metal band vaggie#metal drummer angel#chaggie#seviathan von eldritch#charlie morningstar#avril lavigne 2000s fashion was peak fashion for me#I Dont Give by Avril Lavigne#vaggie#tom trench#angel dust#big brother angel#angel and vaggie are roommates and bamd members#katie killjoy#so many song references#breakup empowerment
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More Batfam as Things My Family Has Said/Done:
Tim: God is a redneck with a shotgun pointed at a fridge and we're all just pieces of broken fridge floating through space.
—
Dick, holding Damian under his armpits and gently swaying him sideways: Jiggle jiggle jiggle.
—
Damian: God has chosen a new favorite: me!
Also Damian: I am the Superior Child!
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Steph, about Tim: You're the grossest rat in the sewers. You and your little rat hands.
—
Young Dick: We're all going to die at the ghetto Robinson Park.
Bruce: There's only one Robinson Park.
Young Dick: Okay? But am I wrong?
—
Alfred: May I ask what you're doing?
Jason, trying to remember what the English word for 'sweeping' is: I'm brooming.
—
Tim, bursting into Duke's room like a madman: Okay! So I found out the movie's not called Type 2 Diabetes! It's called Dementia!
Duke, just trying to finish his homework: O-kay?
—
Dick: He keeps bragging about how smarter he is than me—!
Barbara: How "smarter"?
—
Damian, laying on the floor: I wish I could take out my spine and straighten it like the straws that come with juice boxes. I feel like that'd fix a lot of my problems.
Dick, grimacing: Please stop.
—
Jason: I'm gonna punch him in his bitch ass chin!
—
Bruce, trying to say 'biscuits and gravy': B-beef. Beef.
Tim: Yes?
Bruce: Beef. Beef! BEEF! Fuck! Biscuits and gravy! Do you want any?!
Tim, wheezing: H-yes!
—
Dick: We're getting take-out. B wants to know what you want.
Tim: Okay, but we can't go to Chick-fil-A. I'm not allowed there.
Dick: What? Why not?
Tim: Because they're homophobic, Dick!
—
Tim: Bruce in Bath & Bodyworks is the grown-up equivalent of a kid in a candy store.
Bruce, carrying a full basket: Shh. That's none of your concern.
Tim: It's not a concern, it's a fact.
—
Steph, pointing at a billboard: Jay, look! Phentynal!
Jason, through gritted teeth from across the restaurant table: Don't do that! The people here don't understand that joke.
—
Dick: B said I better be getting a cut if your friend's selling pictures of my feet on FootFinder.
Jason: Fine.
—
Cass: Hello.
Bruce, who thought he was alone, walking back in from the garden at night: whAH—!
Cass, back turned, outlined only by the porch light, and standing on top of a bench like an eldritch scarecrow in the distance: ?
—
Dick: *blinks and falls down the stairs*
Barbara: Oh my God, are you okay?! What happened?!
Dick, dazed and probably concussed: Did I just teleport?
#dc batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#alfred pennyworth#tim drake#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#damian wayne#duke thomas#dcu#barbara gordon
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Tokyo Revengers Groupchat (not everyone, also random combinations, no specific gang)
Warnings: swearing, suggestive, homophobia by a gay person (just sillies), mentions of vomit and poison, mentions of drugs
Desc: placenta, placebo, or gazebo? 🤔
Rindou: yk when you tell someone something then they believe it and it works?
Rindou: like what you're saying isn't true but cause they think it is, it works
Ran: yes
Ran: the placenta effect
Izana: here we fucking go
Smiley: you're kidding right?😁
Ran: are you going to put a Smiley face after every single thing you text?
Ran: we get it, you smile really wide 👍
Smiley: kys
Ran: so hostile and for what
Mikey: idk what the word is but it's definitely not placenta
Izana: how even?
Mitsuya: ...the placebo effect??
Ran: isn't that those huge tent things
Mitsuya: that's a gazebo
Ran: oh
Ran: same thing
Smiley: you dumb as hell
Hakkai: you'd think that big ass forhead of yours would be worth something
Hakkai: smh
Ran: and you'd think after 10 years you'd get over whatever grudge you have against me
Hakkai: you literally hit my best friend (future bf) over the head with a brick
Chifuyu: thought you could sneak that in huh
Hakkai: he could have died
Ran: but he didn't?
Ran: i was just being silly and having fun
Ran: is that such a crime🙄
Hakkai: ITS FUCKING ATTEMPTED MURDER
Rindou: so is it placebo, placenta, or gazebo?
Mitsuya: it's placebo
Kazutora: placenta's are in females stomachs for pregnancy i think
Baji: that's the uterus (i'm so fucking smart)
Chifuyu: none of those are correct
Draken: google exists also
Draken: why are you asking us
Rindou: shut up for a sec
Rindou: would the placenta effect potentially kill someone
Rindou: like if you told someone that you poisoned them and then after a while they start frothing at the mouth and shit, could they die?
Rindou: or are they being a little bitch and faking lol
Rindou: i didn't actually put the rat poison in his drink (i think)
Rindou: but it kinda seems like he's dying or smth
Mikey: what the fuck is this situation
Mikey: is this real?💀
Rindou: nah
Rindou: hypothetically
Ran: does this have to do with the ambulance being here
Rindou: nah
Rindou: can y'all just answer me
Rindou: hurry before the "poison", does it's job or whatever
Rindou: guys he's throwing up pretty violently
Rindou: there's blood
Rindou: hypothetically
Izana: who would you have "hypothetically" poisoned?😐
Rindou: bro that's not the point, sir
Izana: stop calling me sir in normal situations
Izana: we're normal now and not in a gang and i'm a normal person not a gang leader
Mochi: so we don't have to call you Izana-sama anymore?
Ran: what if it turns us on
Izana: uhm
Kakucho: fuck off
Kakucho: sorry
Ran: Kaku give it up, he's way too old for you
Rindou: so y'all just gonna let the hypothetical person die? ayt
Rindou: i'm on my way to the hospital for unrelated reasons
Kakucho: who's the hypothetical victim of the placebo
Rindou: uhhh Sanzu
Kakucho: LMAO
Kakucho: let him hypothetically die then 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mitsuya: punch him in the stomach
Rindou: i know a lot of y'all don't like him but we're friends now and i don't want him to die also he has the best drugs so i'd rather he stay alive so that i can enjoy them recreationally
Rindou: but i'll do it anyway
Mitsuya: stfu for a sex, punching him will make him throw up, and he'll vomit most of the poison out
Rindou: oh like in the stomach?
Rindou: he's gonna be so mad at me, damn
Baji: "shut up for a sex" lmaoooooo🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Baji: and you guys say I'M diabetic💀💀
Mikey: bro what?😭
Kakucho: you mean dyslexic?
Kakucho: nvm the situation speaks for itself
Smiley: the irony of this is crazy
Draken: that got a chuckle outta me 😂
Chifuyu: why you text like a 40 year old dad💀
Ran: i never went to school but even i know that's incorrect
Hakkai: "i never went to school but even i know that's incorrect 🤓👆"
Hakkai: jump into oncoming tragic you f slur🖕
Smiley: aur naur you done made Hakkai homophobic
Ran: you need to fucking chill omg
Mitsuya: are you five years old, Baji
Baji: nah i'm 24 dumbness🤨
Baji: *dumbass
Izana: my oath for not using violence anymore might have to be on hold cause you guys are pissing me the fuck off you fucking incompetent fools useless excuses of human beings
Smiley: bro called us fools
Ran: that's a bit much, sir
Baji: bet you're typing with your left hand
Ran: uh huh <3
Rindou: get some fucking bitches, damn
Ran: where are your bitches, Rindou
Rindou: on my dick
Ran: oh you're talking about the femboys?
Ran: ohh ok i thought you weren't gay but whatever
Mikey: yo is haruchiyo alive?
Rindou: they're pumping his stomach, he'll be fine
Rindou: liking femboys isn't gay
Smiley: 🤨
Angry: 🤨
Rindou: don't act dumb because it's literally in the term 'fem'
Draken: uh, what about the 'boy' part
Rindou: don't twist my words
Rindou: how is liking something that looks like a girl, gay??
Mitsuya: bffr 😐
Rindou: y'all telling me if i fuck haruchiyo i'm gay???
Hakkai: he's a boy?
Rindou: he looks like a woman
Rindou: have you seen his body? tiny ass waist headass. y'all come to the onsen next time you'll see what i mean
Chifuyu: you're being weird rn
Ran: what about his penis, Rindou
Rindou: that's irrelevant
Rindou: besides it's barely noticeable
Draken: people like you and Koko are the fucking problem, get some therapy
Smiley: Rindou thinks fucking a guy in the ass isn't gay 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Rindou: "FEM"
Draken: BOY???? MALE??? MAN??? DICK???
Rindou: ok who's gay now, weirdo🤨
Draken: kys (kill yourself)
#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers manga#tokyo revengers groupchat#tokyo revengers texts#tokyo revengers smau#sano manjiro/mikey#mitsuya takashi#baji keisuke#ryuguji ken/draken#matsuno chifuyu#shiba hakkai#haitani ran#haitani rindou#haitani brothers#kurokawa izana#hitto kakucho#kawata nahoya/smiley#i'm pulling this shit out my ass atp i'm just saying shit#i'm done apologizing for repetition idk what to say anymore bcs one thing about me is i have no new ideas!👆 (or cannot execute them)#y'all almost lost me bcs my parents almost found my account and i almost deactivated out of pure fear#i'm also struggling so bad mentally like i've almost killed myself a few times now but i'm lazy af can't lie#i just hope i make you giggle#it's all that matters ✊❤#also holy shit the state of the economy and just the way society is developing is making me so depressed we have regressed terribly#anyway i love you guys heehee 😋#low-key sanrin#rinzu?#idk what's it's called
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Bon appétit - Chapter 2: Raspberry
[Astarion/Gale]
It's 2 a.m., Gale's tired and wants some food. Astarion, the cute barista/waiter at the Emerald Grove knows how to sate his cravings.
Trigger warning (18+): Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, No Magic, No Vampire, No Wizard, Graphic Description of Sex, Smut, Anal Sex, Cum Eating, Fellatio, Fingering, Rimming, Unrealistic Refractory Period, Food Puns, Cheesy Dialog (Pun intended), Improvised Lube & Sex toys (don't try this at home kids), Gale is tired and hungry (literally), Astarion eats Gale (figuratively), Waiter Astarion, Professor Gale, Slight Angst, Feels, Panic Attack
Inspired by: period cravings
Brainstormed by: insomnia
Cooked up by: yours truly
Presented by: AO3 & tumblr
Served to: @patheticfangirl
Eaten up by: you
His premonition had been right. Mystra had managed to get him fired. Without notice. Shunned by his colleagues.
Gale's hands still trembled as he slammed the car door shut. He hadn't had the courage nor the nerves to face his colleagues again, thus, he'd cleared his office in the middle of the night and had thrown the key into the janitor's mailbox.
Now, he was physically and mentally exhausted, spiralling into a depression, and craving comfort food. There was only one place he wished to be: the Emerald Grove. Gale hurried into the back alley, heart aching upon spotting the bright green neon sign. As if fleeing from a pack of bloodhounds, Gale pushed the door open and staggered into the comforting warmth that smelled of coffee, herbal tea, and sweet treats.
"We're closed!" shouted Astarion from the back room. The beautiful barista/waiter rushed around the corner, a towel slung over his shoulder, looking annoyed. But when he saw Gale, his expression softened and a small smile appeared on those perfect lips.
"Hello, darling. What can I - What the hell happened?" He came running when Gale burst into tears. "Shit, what's going on? Are you okay?"
"I lost my job," sobbed the professor. "Mystra spread the rumours of allegation of plagiarism regarding my PhD thesis and sexual harassment of students."
"That bitch!" hissed the blond, tightening his arms around Gale.
"I don't know what to do. I - Teaching is my life, I'm nothing without it. Oh, God, what am I to do? Because of the divorce, I don't have much savings left and I don't have the heart to sell my mother's house. I live there my entire life, I can't just give it away to the highest bidder. How am I going to pay the bills? Oh, God, what about my Tara? She needs insulin for her late-onset diabetes."
Astarion shushed him, gently stroking Gale's hair, and squeezing him tight against his skinny frame.
"You'll get through this, darling," he told him sternly. "You're kind, brilliant, and nothing like that wretched hag claims you are."
Gale was heaving for breath, shaking.
"I think I'm having a panic attack," he wheezed and pressed his hand against his chest. "Ugh, shit!"
"What? What's wrong? Talk to me, Gale!" Astarion yelled panicked.
"It's nothing," the addressed grunted with a wince. "Just... just my heart bothering the pacemaker."
"Pacemaker?" repeated Astarion, wide-eyed. "Is that where the scar comes from?"
Gale nodded with another grunt, rubbing the centre of his aching chest. He let out a sigh of relief when Astarion took over, slowly and carefully running those cold fingers along the scar.
"Should I call an ambulance?" the latter mumbled concerned.
"No, I'm fine," Gale replied, then added: "I think."
"You think?" Astarion slapped the professor's shoulder. "You idiot, I'm worried sick about you! Don't make light of this! I don't want you to die."
"Me neither. It would be a shame, especially now that I've gotten to know you better." With another deep sigh, Gale leaned his forehead against the other man's bony shoulder. "I apologise for the inconvenience. I didn't mean to rope you into this mess."
Astarion stared at him like he grew a second head.
"Are you dense?"
"Uuh..." Gale uttered, confused und inelegantly.
"God..." Groaning in frustration, the blond moved towards the counter to lean against with both hands. "You’re driving me insane."
"I'm sorry, I didn't me-"
"Don't." Astarion held up a finger. "Don't you dare to apologise for entrusting me with this." He sighed deeply. "I'll get you a glass of water. Don't you move an inch, darling, I'll be right back."
Gale watched as Astarion marched behind the counter to fetch something to drink for him.
"Are you hungry, darling? I could whip something up for you."
"Please," mumbled Gale and gulped down the water which had been placed on the counter. Meanwhile, Astarion busied himself with preparing a snack. Shortly after, he presented Gale a hotdog.
"Like last time, there's not much left," the blond explained, biting his thumb. "I hope this is okay."
"Of course, it is. Thank you, Astarion," said Gale, forcing a smile onto his face. He picked at the warm bun, no longer hungry. Astarion watched him a moment before he tsked.
"Come on now, darling, don't be like that. I know your life's shit right now, but you still need to eat."
Gale didn't answer, simply pushed the plate around. With another sound of disapproval, Astarion plucked the sausage from the bun. Moaning lewdly, he deepthroated the Vienna sausage like it was a cock, and Gale stared at him, wide-eyed, rock-hard, and utterly turned on. He watched as Astarion sucked on the sausage a few more times before taking a big bite. Grinning smugly, the blond offered him the rest and Gale devoured it, relishing in the juiciness of the meat.
"Oh, my. Ravenous, aren't we?" teased Astarion and Gale hummed. Suddenly, all his problems seemed to have shrunken, no longer overwhelming his thoughts. Astarion looked pleased. He tore off a piece of bread and offered it to Gale who ate it. As the latter chewed, the flavours of the soft bread, the meat, home-made ketchup, and crunchy fried onions came together to a wonderful marriage. Involuntarily, Gale moaned and licked his lips.
"There, there, darling," praised Astarion, feeding him another mouthful. Gale looked at the blond while eating, and again, the other's ethereal beauty took his breath away.
Since that eventful night, they hadn't done anything with each other, only shared smiles and pleasantries every morning when Gale bought breakfast or lunch. Gale had dreamed of spending time with Astarion again, but not under such circumstances. Still, he was grateful he'd decided to seek solace at the Emerald Grove once more.
Now, Astarion walked around the counter, wrapped his arms around Gale's neck, and captured his lips in a sinful kiss. The professor kissed the waiter over and over again, like he was degusting a fine aged brandy.
"Mmh, I missed this," moaned Astarion. "God, darling, let me devour you."
It felt like a déjà vu when the blond fell to his knees and hastily pulled down Gale's trousers. The latter toed off his boots and Astarion grinned up at him.
"You cheeky, clever thing," he purred, nuzzling into Gale's pubes and inhaling the musky smell of middle-aged, single men. Fuck, it was heady. A bit dazed, Astarion glanced up from under his long lashes.
"Gimme your sauce."
Despite himself, Gale burst into laughter. What a ridiculous man.
"Sorry, I'm sorry," he giggled, petting Astarion's hair who glared up at him half-heartedly. Gale's laughter turned into a moan when the blond wrapped his lips around him, working him the way he'd demonstrated with the Vienna sausage. Panting, the professor ran his fingers through the other's hair which was soft like angel food cake.
"I'm close," he warned, but instead of moving away, Astarion relaxed his jaw to bury Gale's entire cock in his throat. With a loud, guttural moan, the latter came, spilling into that eager mouth.
"Enjoying my sauce?" Gale teased, but it fell a bit flat since he was still panting and trembling. Still, Astarion snickered as he rested his head against the other's thigh.
"Very much so, my sweet. I could drink you in all day and all night." Gale's breath hitched and his spent cock twitched upon hearing those words. Astarion smirked at him knowingly. "Aww, aren't you sweet as a cherry pie? I'm a bit disappointed I wasn't the one who popped your cherry."
"Oh, God." Gale was laughing. "Have mercy."
The addressed grinned up at him and placed a kiss on the spent dick dangling in front of his face.
"Always, darling. I have no intention of hurting you," Astarion told him sincerely and Gale felt like crying again. But before the latter could burst into tears, the former tugged him downwards. Gale went willingly, getting down on his creaking knees.
"Come here, darling."
Before the addressed could even answer, Astarion had already shoved his tongue down his throat. Gale sucked on it like it was an ice pop, slurping off the taste of his own cum. They moaned into each other's mouth, the blond rutting against Gale's soft, round belly.
"God, you're beautiful," panted Astarion, whining when Gale pulled him closer by the ass cheeks. "Oh, fuck!"
"Let me get a taste of you too," said Gale, satisfied with the way the blond groaned into his neck.
"Yes. Please."
Without further ado or teasing his partner, Gale gently manhandled Astarion onto his back and started to suck him off, savouring him like an expensive baileys mousse and revelling in the way the blond moaned, whined, and bucked under him. When Astarion came with a loud cry, Gale gulped him down greedily like a Blowjob shot.
"Fuck, Gale, yes!"
With gratification, the addressed peppered kisses along the sharp hip bones.
"Mmh, I rather like that, you know?" muttered Astarion lowly, eyes incredibly soft and cheeks flushed. Gale thought he was adorable. They kissed again like they were starving, their hips grinding against each other. Astarion flipped their positions and stared down at Gale with an intensity the latter had never seen before.
"Stay here, my sweet. I'm right back."
With these words, Astarion jumped to his feet with a feline grace and sped towards the fridge. Amused, Gale propped himself up on his elbows to watch what all the fuzz was about. Astarion returned with a big tub in his hands.
"What's this?" Gale asked, curiously.
"Halsin's home-made butter," answered the addressed with a shit-eating grin. "Perfect for other activities too, such as hedonistic debauchery."
Gale couldn't help but laugh at Astarion's silliness, but it died on his tongue when the blond kneeled back down, scooped up a heaping handful of butter, and started to finger himself open. Gale watched, enraptured, and sat up.
"Let me help," he whispered into Astarion's ear, nipping at it. The addressed let out a lewd moan, rocking back on his fingers.
"God, yes, yes," he whined. "Get your hand on me, darling. Touch me, prepare me like a stuffed roast."
Gale would have laughed if it hadn't been so hot. Instead, he gathered some of the butter from the tub and slowly worked his fingers into Astarion's hole alongside the ones already speeding in and out. His partner whimpered, ass flexing as he bore down on the digits, and heavily leaning against him.
"Gale... Please, fuck me already. Stuff me full with your cock."
Those pleads sounded like a song of an angel, and Gale, helpless to its temptation, kissed Astarion sweetly before helping him into his lap. With a loud moan, Astarion dropped down on Gale's cock, arching beautifully as he threw his head back, impaling himself like a shish kebab.
"Ooh... ooh!" Astarion moaned as he was bouncing on Gale's lap and whined high-pitched when the latter wrapped a gentle hand around his cock to jerk him off.
"Yes, yes, just like that! You make me feel so good, love. Oh, fuck... Come inside me, please!"
How could Gale deny such sweet words? With one last thrust, he emptied himself into his partner, injecting cum into him like garlic-rosemary broth into a prime rib roast. Astarion's eyes rolled back in his head as he climaxed with a wail. Panting heavily, they gazed at each other, wrecked by little shakes and post-coital bliss.
"Darling," drawled Astarion as he stretched out on top of Gale. "You're divine, like a hearty stew on a cold autumn's day. Like roasted chestnuts that chase away the chill in frozen fingers."
"I didn't take you for a poet," chuckled Gale, brushing back a stray curl of platinum blond hair. "But I love it and am positively surprised. You are like..."
"Mmh, yes?"
"Like lean chicken breast with a zesty honey-lemon marinade. Your hair fluffy like the inside of a wheat flour bread roll. Your eyes like red velvet cake. And your personality like a piquant sweet-sour sauce, accompanied with caramelised onions."
Astarion snorted an amused laugh and replied: "And you're a cinnamon bun. Simply sweet."
"Cinnamon's a spice, you know?" Gale muttered, lips pursed, and the blond barked a laugh before placing a kiss on the professor's pouty mouth.
"A spice, eh? Then show me how spicy you can be, darling," he purred, playfully nipping at Gale's bottom lip. With a playful growl, the addressed rolled them over, gazing down at the etheral being spread beneath him.
"You're beautiful, Astarion, and I'm not just talking about your looks."
The blond's face did a complicated thing, then, he ordered: "Shut up, get on your hands and knees."
Gale followed suit, pushing his ass up high, and letting himself be fingered open with a scoop of butter. Astarion worked quickly, efficiently, and silently, and Gale berated himself for blurting out a quasi love confession. Curse his verbosity. The sting of a bite on his ass cheek brought the professor back to reality.
"Look at you, darling, offering yourself to me. A feast, just for me," whispered Astarion, blessing the other cheek with the same treatment for symmetry. Gale flushed, hiding his face in his folded arms. The man behind him hummed happily before sinking into him in one go. Gale moaned hoarsely, arching his back, begging for more.
"Mmh, you are the sweetest thing I've ever met," Astarion got out between pants and moans. "You're so kind it makes me want to cry."
"Astarion, I -"
Gale shouted when the addressed wrapped a hand around his cock and stroke it in tandem with his thrusts.
"That's it, darling. Come for me."
Gale immediately glazed his partner's fingers with his pearly liquid like the top of a donut. Astarion fell over the edge soon after, encouraged by Gale's pulsating hole, spilling his load into him.
"God..." The blond collapsed onto the brunet's back, pressing the latter into the hard floor. As quickly as he'd crashed, he perked up again. With a parting kiss to Gale's sweaty neck, Astarion got up and back to the fridge. The professor heard its door open and close, and then running water. Lazily, he rolled over, stretching his sore body. Astarion came sauntering back with a smirk on his face and a zucchini in hand. Gale barked a laugh.
"Are you serious?"
"Dead serious."
Gale watched as his partner straddled him casually.
"You're insatiable," he snickered, still panting and loose-limbed.
"Well..." Astarion was perched on the professor's belly, slowly running his fingers through the copious amounts of salt-and-pepper chest hair. "I am, but you're the only one who can sate my hunger and quench my thirst."
"You're ridiculous," smiled Gale, kissing Astarion's knuckles. "A ridiculous, wonderful, beautiful man. I'm so lucky you allow me to spend time with you."
Astarion's face went through multiple expression again before settling on a soft smile.
"Oh, darling..." He stroke Gale's cheeks and the latter could detect a certain sadness in those reddish brown eyes.
"Astarion?" he asked, anxiety churning his stomach, placing his hands on the slender, slightly cold ones on his face. The addressed bent down, kissed him gently, and muttered: "The lucky one is me."
Before it could get awkward, Astarion scooted downwards and blew a raspberry on Gale's tummy. It sounded like an obnoxiously loud fart and they both giggled.
"Come on now, darling, eat your -"
"- vegetables?" Gale interrupted him teasingly, eyes dancing with mirth. Chuckling and grinning, Astarion waved the zucchini around.
"Exactly. Open wide, darling. You know the drill."
Dutifully, Gale spread his legs and Astarion picked them off the floor, folding them upwards until the thighs were touching Gale's belly. With a pleased hum, Astarion licked the zucchini before inserting it into the other man's hole. This time, he went slow, savouring every moan, groan, and whine that left Gale's mouth, swallowing those sounds down greedily. They kissed and kissed and kissed while the zucchini leisurely stroke the professor's prostate. The climax was gentle too, soft body rolling up before the creamy white spilled between their bellies. They collapsed onto the cold stone floor, resting there. Panting, covered in sweat, both of them leaking cum, utterly sated. Heavy-lidded, Gale gazed at Astarion who'd cuddled up against his ample chest and with a sudden clarity, he realised he wanted to spend eternity with the other man.
"Astarion, please move in with me."
The words were out before he could stop them. The addressed's head snapped up, eyes big. Then, a beaming smile spread over that handsome face as he answered: "Darling, there's nothing I'd like more."
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#fanfic#astarion x gale#astarion#astarion ancunin#gale#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#mind the trigger warning#bloodweave#bon appétit
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I LOVE YOO 220 Thoughts
1. What excites me the most on this episode is, we got a glimpse of how Yui abused Nol in the past! (Not that I enjoy seeing Nol being abused, far from it, but I'm glad we finally see the plot moving) This is the discussion back in ep 150:
And with today's episode, we now see how Yui utilizes her power as the owner of the hospital: interfering with the doctors and nurses' decision, having their license revoked if they try to defy her, rewarding them with money -or anything- if they do as she say... Of course Yui's hand would stay clean if everyone is too scared of her! It really give us a glimpse of how she abused Nol in the past. Ugh. Now I wonder, did he also had the nurse he's close with removed from his sight because of Yui? Did she also gaslighted him into thinking it's his fault? 😒
Hearing Yui's argument is laughable actually. When a patient is unconscious, a doctor has the right to do some tests based on medical judgement in order to reach the correct diagnosis for the right treatment, because a sleeping patient can't tell the doctor what's wrong with them afterall. She has no right to veto as a mother too(?), since Kousuke is already an adult. Now, whether the CEO of the hospital has the right to revoke a medical lisence based on personal opinion -- or not, I can't tell because I don't know the laws. But well, money and power goes a long way, sadly.
2. At least Nol wakes up with the person he care by his side. Kousuke wakes up with no one in sight, and the sound of arguments outside. Quimchee just loves hammering down Kousuke's sign of neglection, huh. As much of an asshole Kousuke is, he's still the victim of abuse just like Nol :(
3.
AW NAH BITCH, STAY AWAY FROM JAYCE. STAY AWAY FROM NOL. JUST GO AWAY, NO ONE WANTED YOU HERE.
4. Now, about the reason why Yui is so adamant not letting Kousuke be tested by a literal professional. Many people has guessed it's because Yui doesn't want anyone to find out Kousuke is not Rand's biological son, but I don't think we're there yet. Hansuke mentioned basic tests; as far as I know, the basic, standard tests don't include blood-type test or DNA test. It usually only covered the potentials of:
Irregularity in blood (haemoglobin, platetet, RBC counts)
Infection (WBC, Lymphocyte counts)
Liver disfunction (AST, ALT)
Kidney disfunction (Creatinin, Urea, Bilirubin)
Diabetes (blood sugar)
Cholesterol-based illness (LDL, HDL, triglycerides)
Irregularity in electrolytes (Na, K, Cl, Ca)
And that's the gist of it. There's not much to get, unless Yui doesn't want anyone to find out Kousuke is actually diabetic? Maybe she inserted diabetes medicines inside his food? Kousuke did say they have personal chefs, maybe they also received Yui's order. I kinda doubt it though, this seem like a stretch.
It's a different story if Hansuke wanted to check the possible substance inside Kousuke's body, though. Hansuke suspected Kousuke is under the influence; it's the easiest answer that could explain Kousuke's abnormal behavior.
This is just some wild theory but I suspect Yui inserted some antipsychotic drugs in his drink or food (remember the family chefs?) to keep Kousuke in check. If Hansuke finds out about it, it will reveal that Yui has been hiding the fact that Kousuke has some mental disorder, and that could jeopardize his position as the new CFO; that's why Yui doesn't want a blood work. Just a guess 💀
Btw, this is Shinae on episode 14 LMAO
Oh Shinae. Now this doesn't seem like a joke anymore ☠️
Oh. WAIT.
💀💀💀
5. [Yui: what has you scrambling around in distress?] [Kou: I can't recall... ] [Yui: Aww that's too bad...]
Look at that sinister smile. She is DELIGHTED Kousuke forgets. Since Yui knew he hit his head on the wall, I think it's safe to assume(?) she knows Kousuke was looking at patient record earlier. She knows which name that triggers him. Does it mean she doesn't want Kou to find out about Nessa (further, what she did to her)? Has Yui always used Kou's "ignorance" (memory issue) about Nessa's fate to let him mock Nol about her disappereance?
Nol you couldn't be more right. I look forward to see Kou finding out he has been mocking Nol's mom's absence when it's his own "dear mother" who "killed" her. The devastation...
6. I still don't get why would Yui throw away Rand's gift. If anything, I think it'd benefit her more if she give it to Kousuke. Something like: praising him, how he's done such a good job being a CFO that his father would give him an early expensive present, gaslight him into thinking it's not enough, but just a little more until he'd truly acknowledge him, etc. I thought he'd be easier to manipulate if he get enough reward (which he clearly didn't get)? It feels like Yui's manipulation is getting old. Idk, I thought a goal would be much sweeter if he get to taste it, so he'd work even harder. But so far, he didn't taste any of it.
But then it hit me. If Kousuke sees the real present, he'd know his father does care about him. He won't need Yui anymore, he'd start to rely on Rand, as in, the person. And Yui doesn't want that. She wants Kousuke to be fully in her control, she wants him to keep relying on Rand's image by her words; that Rand is a cold man who doesn't care about his family unless Kousuke surpassed him. She just... never let Kousuke to be free. (Which is why I realized Nol has the potential to be a much scarier manipulator than Yui, but that's another topic for another day).
7. Yui touching Kousuke's injured hand without apologizing is such a psychopath thing to do: lacking of guilt or empathy.
8. BAHAHA since we're almost at the end of the year, it's nice to see the reference of earlier episode!
Though, could this be a foreshadowing? If Shinae really becomes Kousuke's assistant in the future, would she be included in the future hospital inspection? Would she play a role in uncovering Nol and Kousuke's mistreatment in the hospital? Lol.
9. MEG!! AOEBJDDJ I hope she would return the gift to Kousuke, just like Shinae who return the bible to Nol! Kousuke needs to know Rand is more caring than he seemed and Yui is much more wicked than he thought! This is probably Meg's role as the member of the Black Team: to open Kousuke's eyes that he still has people who care for him as who he is.
And that's it! See you next week 👋
#i love yoo#ily#ily 220#i love yoo webtoon#line webtoon#quimchee#kousuke hirahara#yui hirahara#ily theory#ily analysis
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Guys.
I've given up on life. 😔
So I'm eating this shit as my first meal of the day.
It's 11 A.M.
So I guess it's brunch.
My homemade cake, a Ding Dong, (It just said a chocolate baked good with filling in the middle. But anyone who's anyone, knows that it's just a fucking Ding Dong.) and a cake doughnut.
Oh, and an off brand coke.
It's "Sam's Cola".
Am I gonna eat all of it?
Don't know yet, but probably.
I was actually started to lose weight cuz we never have food in the house because we're poor as fuck!
And now I'm eating this shit.
Guys...
I'm to scared to get on the scale!
Our scale is mean!
You tell it if your male or female, (You know, cuz the average weight of a male is different than a female.) then if you step on it and your overweight, it throws insult at you!
And it has some mean insults!
...
I'm kidding.
I have no clue if this type of scale even exists.
But if it does, I would totally want one.
Just for the sole purpose of one, having it, and two, just to see (Or hear, I guess.) the insults it could throw at me.
I'm not self conscious about my weight.
I don't care all that much.
I know I'm overweight.
I know I'm fat.
I also know that I have a higher chance (on top of my high chance) of getting diabetes.
My grandma (on my moms side) and dad has it.
My mom's bio dad also died of diabetes.
He also got diabetes from working in the military.
He got exposed to a chemical compound called agent orange.
If you don’t know what Agent Orange is, look it up.
It will be so much better then me trying to explain it.
Trust me.
Anyway.
So diabetes runs in both sides of the family.
And being overweight is a good way to get it.
There's also probably a ton of other shit that I have a higher chance of getting that runs in the family from being overweight.
So yeah, I should really lose weight.
But it hurts so much to exercise.
My ankles, knees, back, (mostly lower back) shoulders, and neck hurt all the time.
And exercise makes it worse.
On top of that, when I run, sprint, jump, or even climb a set of stairs, I get a real bad pain were my heart is, my lugs start to burn like Hell, and I start to cough uncontrollably which only makes my lungs hurt worse and starts to make my throat hurt.
Even if it's for short distances.
I can't even run halfway across a school gym before I get like that.
And if I walk really long distances, that pain starts to show up in my heart.
I start to cough a little, but it's nothing compared to running.
My dad always says (queue whiney mocking voice) "It'll get better as you lose weight. Just quit your damn bitching and start exercising. It'll be so much better."
Well here's the thing dad!
Those are lies!
It doesn't get better!
I have lost a bit of weight!
And if anything, the pain has gotten worse over the years!
...
A few years ago I could run around our yard for a few minutes and be just fine.
Now I can't even run down the street, without hurting.
If I see my bus as I'm turning down the street, I don't run.
Most people would, not wanting to miss the bus.
But the bus can see me, and I'm not gonna bring myself pain just to catch the bus.
Because I can't even run a few feet without hurting.
...
There is so much wrong with me.
Diabetes runs in both sides of the family.
My dad is missing 8 teeth, and this is genetic.
Each generation loses a set more.
So I'm missing 12 teeth.
When my jaw is fully developed, I'll have to get a bone graph before they can put in fake teeth.
Oh yeah, and I don’t have braces, because I can't have them.
Though I don't remember the reason why.
My mom has RA and Fibromyalgia. (She has a ton of shit, but there of less importants.)
Which means my chances of getting them are higher than someone else who doesn't have people in the family with these conditions.
My mom also has seizures.
Which are also genetic.
My brother Alex has gotten them.
Chronic headaches/migraines run in both side of the family.
My doctor thinks I might have scoliosis.
And I live in a family of smokers.
My mom, most of my siblings, and their partners, most of there friends, and my dad used to smoke.
Almost everyone in the family either smokes or vapes.
I don't smoke, but I have been exposed to second hand smoke all my life.
And that's pretty much just as bad.
I know that there's more shit that run in the family, but right know, I can't think about the rest.
Anyway.
I hope you guys are doing well.
Oh yeah, it's now noon.
Damn.
It took me an hour to type this shit out. :/
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kinda hate that it's just called type 1 or 2 diabetes. like oh adhd gets seperated out into Obnoxious Bitch Type, Lazy Bitch Type, or Combination Bitch Type, but NOW we're going with nonindicative names. like if we're being judgy at least be consistently and descriptively judgy
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Fuck it, I need to get this out somewhere. Personal home life vent/rant, Tumblr is a diary sometimes, etc. I'm a wreck of anxiety and fear and just.. yeah..
tw abuse, domestic violence, threats of violence, brief talk about a house fire and the aftermath, gun mention
I'm concerned about myself and my family. My father has really bad anger problems, and when he's raging he's completely irrational. It's gotten worse since he poorly manages his diabetes. This past year, he's purchased a gun, and luckily he was smart enough that it's not put together and it's in a case, but it doesn't stop him from threatening us with the possible use of it on us.
I don't think I'm actually safe here. I'm afraid. I'm so afraid that one day his threats will turn into more than just threats. I have nightmares a lot in which he actually shoots or stabs us, or where he lights a match and sets the house ablaze like he's threatened on multiple occasions. We lost a lot of our possessions when I was 4 to a house fire, which I remember it and the aftermath, how my room was charred black and nothing inside of it remained, so this threat hit really hard.
I'm.. I'm so tired.. of all the yelling, of the screaming. I can't stand hearing him throw things while my mom yells for him to stop. Where I sleep is right next to their room. It's awful. He yells and screams at people every single day. Multiple times a day.
I'm also so tired of being called useless, entitled, ungrateful, disrespectful, fucking lazy bitch for things even as simple as not liking the same food as him. I've been made to feel like a leech, as though any resource I take is a waste. I don't even want to eat most of the time because I've been made to believe that I'm not worth enough to eat the food here. (I do not have an eating disorder. If I were not living here, I would have no problems eating food.)
I'm just.. I'm so tired of walking on eggshells to appease a man that will yell at us for even trying to be helpful. He yells at us when we try to help him, and then wonders why we won't. We'll get yelled at either way, we might as well just do what we want to do instead of do something we don't want and get yelled at the entire time anyway.
We can do everything right and it won't be enough. Everything can be perfect and he'll still find the pixel out of place to berate us about. It's never good enough.
And I want to get out of here. We're trying to get out of here. But we're disabled and rely fully on others for financial needs, so for us at this moment it's impossible to leave. And since our mom's the main target of the physical abuse, and she's not willing to press charges, we can't get the police involved in any way that'll actually be helpful..
We just have to either get to where we can move out, or we have to wait for him to do something so horrid that we're forced to call the police, and just.. I hate it so much.. I hate it so much....
Once I'm out of here though, I'm never talking to my father again. He's caused too much pain for me to want to communicate with him once I've left.
And like, I know in some ways I'm lucky. It could be so much worse. People have it far worse than I do. I've been told over and over and over how I'm not that bad off. jfc even when we were on food stamps and barely scraping by and my only pair of gym shoes was a gift from my teacher, I was being told I was a spoiled child and how I was lucky. But my god I don't think I deserve this. I might have it better than a number of others in abusive situations but that doesn't mean that I'm doing fucking great either. Fuck if I know if the "it's not that bad" is just the probable gaslighting talking or not. ljndfljndgkjdfgn (sobs) I get audio from videos my mom watches about people in far worse situations blared at me all the time and it makes me feel grateful that it's not that bad at least, and it also makes me so sad that people go through things, and just.. idk.. idk.... I don't want to hear it anymore..
#S Posts#Vent#delete later#abuse tw#domestic violence#gun mention#emotional abuse#fire mention#stabbing mention#just a mention in a briefly described nightmare but jic#I'm just afraid.#I need a therapist but I need to get out of here first#My last therapist said that until I get out of here I have no chance at healing#And she's right this place is so toxic.#Please ignore this I'm.. (sobs)#fuck I hope I tagged things alright please be safe#I hate my father so much I hate him#long post#eating disorder mention#just in case#please just ignore this if you're effected by anything I want everyone to be okay#This'll be the only post about this stuff.#I'll go back to my normal stuff where I'm just disabled and anxious but ultimately okay and fairly happy now.
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Ah yes, the incompetence of the medical field.
See the PCP to try and get appropriate referrals because I really need one person managing my HRT and hashimotos, since the former directly affects med dosages of the latter. I also want to try and get a handle on the constant inflammation issues that are most likely not related to the hashimotos.
Doc is running behind. No one gets a medication update from me. Manage endo referral and get inflammation panel ordered, but get rushed back out of office without half the things on my list addressed.
Doc runs blood work. Blood sugar comes back a little elevated, cholesterol is completely whacked, WBC count is, as usual, nicely elevated, and inflammation makers are pissed off as expected.
I get a call stating that they are all concerned about the blood sugar and the cholesterol. Want to repeat labs in a week. Oh, and they ordered an A1C.
Bitch, I'm on accutane. That shit fucks your cholesterol. I also have needle poke anxiety, so the blood sugar always spikes. Chill. It's fine. Please redo my T labs because they came back stupid high, and it's probably because I had applied the gel maybe an hour before having blood drawn.
A1C comes back pre-diabetic. Huh. That's odd. I'm usually really darn good on that one. Oh hey, look at this. Turns out that accutane will raise your A1C noticeably around the 5 month mark (hi, that's where we're at). Well that makes sense. Cool.
Repeated CBC comes back with yet further elevated WBC. Surprise surprise.
Get a call from the assistant. "You're in pre-diabetic levels. Doc wants you to eat a low carb diet and we'll recheck in 3 months."
"I'm on accutane. It will raise the A1C. Yeah, sure, we'll redo labs. Whatever."
Bitch, I've been on a low carb diet for at least the last 5 years. Like, cool it. And maybe have half a brain. If you'd bother to look at the previous recorded result, you'd see that I'm usually golden. Also maybe look at things a bit more holistically? Like, I'm losing weight, for gods' sakes. Did you bother to notice that I weigh less than last time you saw me? Did ya? Nah. Didn't think so.
I'll let you run labs in 6 months. One, because I probably have another month of accutane left. Two, the A1C reflects the last three months of blood sugar, so we need to give my body time to recover. Three, because chronic inflammation also affects all that shit, and my body needs time to calm down.
Also, how about you address the elevated WBC and inflammation markers like I asked you to? HMMMMMM?
All this followed by an automated email from planned Parenthood stating that my hormone levels came back high and they want a SHBG run.
We ran the SHBG alongside the testosterone. 🤦
And yes, the second round of T labs did come back lower, but still higher than I was expecting. Combined with the SHBG, things are a little high, but we'll adjust and be fine.
Nothing like having to educate and manage your own damn doctors. Constantly. And nothing like having to wrangle referrals from said doctors because you need specialists for your care, and said specialists won't take new patients without said referrals.
I'm annoyed and bitching. Because chronic health conditions also means chronic doctor management. And I'm tired of it.
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Incorrect quotes to use (im updating when i get new ones)
- [ ] Stop sending me weird videos of babies heard
- [ ] Dont be clickin into your intestines prople
- [ ] Taylor swift won the super bowl
- [ ] You’ve been corrupted by your mother
- [ ] I need to be 14 to work I’m 8
- [ ] sheep fur
- [ ] Oh, you tricked me worm
- [ ] Jeff bezos did this to us
- [ ] Let me grab my other hairless testicle
- [ ] Trumpet the cowards trombone
- [ ] Like some genital pirate
- [ ] They’re basically sad little flesh turtles that tun hide and scream
- [ ] Go abed go before people sex/sext eachother
- [ ] Where did your right eyeball go?
It tends to disappear.
- [ ] Dont put it on my head go back to you
- [ ] Boonie the poo
- [ ] Shout shell
- [ ] Fine you hit me i take the child
- [ ] They’re holding me hostage, man
- [ ] My mommy paid for me
- [ ] My bottles. Im sorry im a recovering alcoholic that’s not really recovering
- [ ] I have a boyfriend
- [ ] He was like inside of you
nice.
- [ ] She is like 3 feet tall how did she get up there
- [ ] What in the assblaster is this
- [ ] *rolls on back* aaaagghhgghgggf
- [ ] Is this futhermucker anomalous how does he keep finding us
- [ ] I said scream not sqeaky fart you peeon
- [ ] That’s jerard he lives in all gotmer emo kids heads
- [ ] I for one like the eggs, they tasty
- [ ] He took the cheese
- [ ] *weird noise that may be a moan* balls
- [ ] *whiny voice* i dont want an empire
- [ ] Sophie you’ve committed tax fraud youre six years old
- [ ] The carrots are all gone _
- [ ] A bear if type 2 diabetes
- [ ] Dont eat your spouse
- [ ] Look i spent an hour to get here I don’t need your sass
- [ ] Oh you’re not wearing any underwear
- [ ] You get the hell out of here mort
- [ ] Come children follow me into the pit.
That’s not a terrifying invitation
- [ ] We gave her drugs
- [ ] *happily* I wish i was dead!
- [ ] How about you? I know how everybody’s gonna die
- [ ] How can she be so sick yet so strong. Like the economy
- [ ] Our weather’s weird, no it’s your crops kill them
- [ ] Tell that to my vagina
- [ ] Call me draco malfoy cause im slytherin
- [ ] Ow my boob
- [ ] Well ill just say it who knew that pig makes a really fun clutch purse
- [ ] Im a cactus😊
- [ ] Rudy touch it
no thank you
- [ ] From the ashes rise ramps more ramps
- [ ] Whispering* yeah they’ll get constipated
no
- [ ] How you like our educational system norway
- [ ] I can be waluigi
- [ ] Yeah sawdust makes it softer
- [ ] You in his DMs. I'm at home smoking weed. I dont even know who we're talking about
- [ ] Who knew a bug could speak all fancy like
- [ ] This bus only goes to one place and that place is vallhala
- [ ] And for _’s weave that got snatched
- [ ] _ got stuck in one, typical of _
- [ ] THATS AN EVIL ASS OTTER
- [ ] Ooh these cats are so real
- [ ] That’s the good thing about evil jesus
- [ ] You dont even need that evil ass mace
- [ ] Are you penacilin
- [ ] Ill give you a dramamine you won’t even know
- [ ] Mercury is in the microwave or something
- [ ] You bitch, you look like a backstreet boy
- [ ] You bout to be tweedle-slapped
- [ ] I need viagra of the fingers
- [ ] Did you just trigger tag my grandma
- [ ] It’s game of thrones with otters
- [ ] Your toothpick friend is stupid _
- [ ] There hasn’t been a rat that high since the og Chuck e cheese
- [ ] Not me drugging the coffin
- [ ] I got an ostrich
- [ ] Damn crack baby
- [ ] He dropped his balls
- [ ] Even the walls are bones
- [ ] Well, your mother sucks eggs
- [ ] Listen to your heart what is it telling you.
i should quit.
- [ ] The curb is not my friend
- [ ] I don’t have a fist or fingers
- [ ] 50 shades of evil jesus
- [ ] He lets his ass rest
- [ ] _ YOU MADE IT HERE
- [ ] He’s like a double orphan’ orphan squared
- [ ] (Still very alive) Dont disrespect my grave like that
- [ ] I felt a kick in my appendix
- [ ] IM SUFFERING!
- [ ] _ back off do you hear my piano it’s mad
- [ ] EVAPORATE TALL PERSON
- [ ] What do you mean “we” mammal
- [ ] Would you kindly shut your noise hole
- [ ] Cheer up meatbag
- [ ] Look pal you only have one set of clothes and you’re not taking them off while im here
- [ ] *whispers* the holy bone?’*nods*
- [ ] I can be a mob boss of animals
- [ ] Are you the british
- [ ] Im very excited by my uterus bat
- [ ] _ dont be frenchphobic
- [ ] Oi _ get your mouth away from that french girl
- [ ] A mob of unruly clowns
- [ ] Go go hippie rangers
- [ ] Its like demented dog food
- [ ] Lesbian of death
- [ ] She she looks like a lobster
- [ ] Clever little box
- [ ] Who ya mama and daddy- THE GAYS
- [ ] Curse you mafia james
- [ ] I don’t want a puffer sonic i want a simp
- [ ] Im gonna keep feeding instagram
- [ ] He’s just gotta go poopoo leave him alone
- [ ] She got hit by a giant cake
- [ ] Im looking at you demon blueberry
- [ ] NO GANGBANGING IN THE POND
- [ ] SATAN IS NOT A FUCKING POGO STICK
- [ ] Not the dead catcall
- [ ] This is what i get for wearing half a shirt
- [ ] I saw the whisker things part like moses red whatever
- [ ] Is it a penis?
No
- [ ] Jesus fuck put it back in its not done yet
- [ ] This is what i am mama, this is my final form
- [ ] SHES A JESUST
- [ ] Dont worry its not mold its just my chocolate going through photosynthesis
(Knocks on door) Where’s boyfriend
Is that the marriage demon?
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Trying to write with chronic pain flares is...interesting. Under a cut for talk of unknown illness/pain and personal shit.
Follow my NaNo 2023 journey: https://nanowrimo.org/participants/jordan-a-wruck
So the last week of September, I started to have a small pain in my lower right abdomen. It started at about a 2/10 - just a tiny little "oh, that feels weird. Huh." I originally chalked it up to muscle pain because I'm a side sleeper, and my right side is the normal side I get comfy on.
October 2nd. Pain was still there and increased to about a 6-7/10. Immediately got me in to my doctor's Internal Medicine side to see a doc. She ordered bloodwork and an ultrasound. Promised me results in 24 hours.
October 3rd. Doc hadn't called with results by close of business. Meanwhile, the pain spiked to a 9/10. ER TIME! (I HATE the hospital, so for me to say "let's go to the hospital" it has to HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. Last time that happened it turned out to be my gallbladder.)
ER visit took.... 7 hours. 7 FUCKING HOURS. 2 of those hours were in the WAITING ROOM. 5 was spent in a bed in the HALLWAY in between 2 CLEARLY MARKED ISOLATION ROOMS WITH THE DOORS OPEN AND NO MASKS IN SIGHT. (In retrospect, I forgot my mask too with the pain, and 5 days later ended up with a minor viral infection myself.)
ER doc ordered more bloodwork, urinalysis, an ultrasound, and a CT scan. By the time I got back from the CT scan I was starting to get a migraine, and the pain in my abdomen hadn't subsided either. (Also I learned I'm not actually allergic to CT contrast, but that's another story.) At this point I was betting either my appendix was acting up, my pancreas was being more of a bitch than usual (diabetes is fun!), or something with my liver.
So, total time spent in the ER: 7 hours.
Results from the tests: "Nothing actionable."
Total pain medication given: Z E R O mg.
That's right. NO PAIN MEDICATION. They gave me anti-nausea meds and PEPCID FOR FUCKING HEARTBURN.
Because as we all know, heartburn starts over near the FUCKING APPENDIX.
...Yes, I was and am P I S S E D.
They literally treated me like a drug addict looking for a fix. Even after I mentioned I had a migraine. All because my 9/10 pain wasn't making me scream constantly. My normal pain level is about a 6/10, which is a level that would have most people without chronic pain bedridden and screaming. For me, anything LESS than that is literally background noise.
Oh, did I mention I had my PARENTS WITH ME?! My parents - who are also chronic pain sufferers. My parents who have NARCOTIC PAIN MEDICATION.
Naturally I brought them to the ER to help me "get a fix", right?!
What does my doc give me for this chronic pain, you ask? 800 mg ibuprofen. Which - surprise - doesn't usually do jack shit.
I mean, I get it. The narcotic stuff can be addictive. And with the opioid crisis, they're careful who they give it to. In my state, you have to be under the care of a long-term pain management doc.
Who won't see me because - surprise - I'm a "kid."
I'm 36 and use a cane because of the pain. My primary doc helped me get a disabled parking placard. She knows how bad my pain gets. She knows - but she legally can't give me anything stronger than the ibuprofen. (Which sucks. But I like her.)
But you'd think the ER could have at least given me an ibuprofen!!
Anyway. Went back to the Internal Med doc a week later. The Internal Med doc set me up with a GI consult. (Gastric doc. I'm starting to think it might be warranted because it's starting to hurt every time I eat.) The date of my initial consult?
November 30th.
Yep. That would make the appointment TWO BLOODY MONTHS after the initial pain started.
Luckily they have a priority cancellation list. And I guess someone cancelled because my appointment is now this Friday (November 10).
I already know how it's going to go. They're going to prod my abdomen a little, not find shit, and say "Okay, so we're going to have to scope you."
I've had an endoscopy before, both upper and lower. The prep is a NIGHTMARE. (Note: do not drink the ginger flavor prep with Pepsi. You will want to barf for weeks.)
Fingers crossed the endoscopy will find what the fuck is causing my entire abdomen to feel like someone is jabbing me with a cattle prod every time I eat now.
And that I can get to 50,000 words this NaNo.
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