#get the drinks in

[bobbie-robron]

Robert better be on his A game cause he’s old school is Mike.

26-Mar-2019

[starrysharks]

ghanaian miku

[badolmen]

WARNING 18+

19

[professorcalculusstanaccount]

as newspapers today dont tend to hire children, a modern day Tintin would run a clickbait YouTube channel, except the clickbait is 100% real every single time

he starts off as an irritating conservative pundit at 14, meets Chang then leaves the think tank paying him and launches his own independent channel and blows up shortly after. Chang helps with video editing and managing his socials and they often chat on video calls between adventures. Haddock, his foster dad, has absolutely no knowledge of his earlier videos.

[hinamie]

mentor

[bigimango]

They never learn

And a close up of the two gremlins

[vamprisms]

streaming companies will say um we're increasing your subscription fee. no password sharing. no screenshots allowed. please subscribe to a separate channel for this movie and another for this tv show. free trial but put in your card details so we can charge you if you forget to cancel. this title is a rental only that's 4.99 please. this title is not available in your region. you are begging people to torrent at this point Like ye are off the edge of the map matey here there be pirates argh argh argh 🦜☠️

[draconym]

My wonderful spouse, who I love very much, set a phone alarm to remind him to send drunk texts to his friends this evening, and ensured that he would be appropriately drunk (0.086%, currently) by consulting a blood alcohol calculator that factored in change over time. He was worried that this level of planning was against the spirit of Drunk Texts, but I assured him it was not.

[doctorsiren]

The books reveal that Ford is actually a secret partier

(Available as a print on my Etsy Shop)

(wips under cut)

[bruciemilf]

As a reward for helping with a problem, John Constantine wants to give Bruce a chance to talk to his parents. “I can only do one at a time, thought, so, who’s first?”

Bruce sweats, “That won’t be necessary.”

The batkids watch like ??? they’ve seen Bruce in every state a man could succumb and raise, but they’ve never seen him scared. Alfred calmly steps forward, “Please do.”

“No. Don’t.”

John “I don’t want peace, I want trouble, always” Constantine smells some opportunity for chaos and grabs it.

The result of that is the very angry spirit of Thomas Wayne fixing Bruce with the glare of the year, “You dropped oUT OF MED SCHOOL?!” The entire mansion seems to tremble.

Bruce yelps like a scolded cat and runs around the dining table, “I was busy with BATMAN—“

“ Che cazzo è un Batman, — Get back here! You were there a year, — Che cazzo fai, CHE CAZZO FAI?! Pack your bags, you’re going back.”

To the batkids’ absolute horror Bruce starts to cry, face watery and bright, and they finally understand what Alfred meant by tantrums. “Non voglio tornare indietro, papà!”

“Non mi interessa, cazzo, — wait till your mother hears about this, Harley graduated with HONORS. What exemple are you giving to my grandkids? Don’t — Don’t run, GET BACK HERE!”

Tim sweats in high school dropout, Dick sweats in cop, Jason sweats in drug lord, Damian sweats in art kid, and Stephanie just sweats in general.

“Should, uh… Should we help?”

“Are you kidding? I haven’t seen Jason this happy since the Queen died.”

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[squarecloud73]

*I worship you Tumblr please don’t remove it

Kabru is a freak and Laios should suffer

Ship or not, it’s so hilarious that Kabru is no less crazy than Laios. His passion is digging down everyone’s darkest secrets and family drama, his relaxing activities are flirting and gossiping with every homosapien with eligible language.

The reason why Laios was chill around him is because they were never close enough! Kabru is charming and cool if you only meet him twice a week at a bar, but look at how cautious and unnerved his close friends get when he starts blasting information nonstop.

“Can you see how scandalous that sleeve is?” “I heard she granted her the first name base!” “Laios look at the embroidery on that shirt, his business is definitely running as smoothly as I predicted!”

I want to see this Kabru around Laios, I want to see him decipher so many tiny body languages and unspoken rules of humans so happily that Laios can’t decide if he wants to chop his ears off or smack Kabru with a brick, I want to see Laios being forced into balls after balls and feeling the urge to drown himself in a barrel of wine just to end the conversations.

“But Laios gets anxious around people.” So does Kabru with monsters!??

Kabru’s freakiness deserves to be recognized, too! Let him be the insufferable bastard he’s born to be! Let him and Laios traumatize each other!

[eddiediaaz]

(you don't have to be a frequent enjoyer of either to vote. weed can mean any type of marijuana products: joints, edibles, oils, etc.)

add where you're from in the tags if you feel like it!

[yugiohz]

rewarding yourself has kind of become a silly joke like everything is "a little treat" but you really have to reward yourself for your accomplishments, gratification crisis is a serious problem please do better <3

[mistxmood]

this is the funniest outcome ever

[Image description: digital art of Bill Cipher, tangled up in electrical wires. He has a nervous expression, as he holds up a ripped wire and says: "Oops!" There's a glitchy effect behind him. End ID.]

[hinamie]

post-graduation trip airport looks