#god................i'm ill. i'll start crying again if i think about this too long don't think i won't

[buckybuckyboo]

Written on my phone cause I'm in bed and I don't think this will be long enough for a full fic so here we go.

Warnings: Pregnancy scare, crying, worried Bucky, doctors and blood tests, fluffy.

-

Waking up was tough. You felt like you had been run over by a train but you were stone cold sober. Bearly able to lift your head off the pillow. Your head hurt, your body hurt but you pulled yourself up and sat up in bed.

You looked around the lightly lit room from the morning sun creeping in through the cracks of the curtains. You see a note left on Buckys pillow "Gone for a run with Steve. I'll make you breakfast when I get back. Love you"

You smiled and layed back down on his pillow, Smelling his colone as you drifted off back to sleep. When you woke again, you could faintly hear the radio on in the kitchen and the faint smell of bacon. The feeling you had earler had seemed to pass and you felt better.

You sat up in bed and stretched, suddenly you felt nauseous and rand to the bathroom where you were sick. Bucky with his super hearing had heard the commotion and ran to your side kneeling beside you and holding your hair. "Hey, okay try to breath you're okay I got you" while he rubbed your back.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea why I'm sick. I did feel off earler when I found your note but I thought it was gone"

"It's okay sweetheart, just take it easy. Deep breaths for me"

When you had calmed down, he sat you back against the little wall beside the shower. The cold tiles felt nice against your back. Bucky got up and got a face cloth you wipe your face. "How are you feeling now baby girl?"

"Better. Thank you baby"

"You're welcome" He smiles. "Would you like to try eat something?"

"Something light maybe? Some scrambled eggs maybe?"

"Coming right up, unless you want me to stay?"

"No no I'm fine baby no need to worry" you smile "I'm just gonna wash my face and brush my teeth"

Bucky helps you up and hugs you tight and goes back to making breakfast. Leaning over the sink and washing your face, then grabbing your wash bag for your toothbrush. Moving things around and noticing you're low on tampons/pads. "Need to go shopping very soon" you think to yourself.

In the middle of brushing your teeth you freeze and grab your wash bag again looking at the tampons/pads. "Wait, when- oh shit-" you run out of the bathroom and back into your bedroom grabbing your phone and opening the calendar. Bucky soon follows and sees you kneeling on the bedroom floor. "Sweetheart? What's wrong?"

"No no no no no". He immediately kneels beside you wrapping his arm around you "baby what's wrong?"

"I'm- I'm late"

"Late? Late for what?"

"No um- my period its late"

"Oh, how late?" His expression was worried.

"3 or 4 weeks? How did I not notice!? God I'm an idiot!" You shout as you start to cry

"Hey hey shh it will be okay baby. I'll go get one of those tests"

"No I don't trust them. They give false results"

"Then how do we do this?"

"Blood test"

"Okay, let's get dressed and go to the hospital"

You nod frantically and get up and quickly get dressed. Both of you made your way to the hospital, checked yourself in and then sat in the waiting room for your name to be called. It felt like it was taking forever. Bucky holding your hands in his and kissing the back of your hand every few minutes.

"Y/N Y/L/N" the nurse calls. Both of you get up and follow the nurse back to a room.

"What can we do for you today?" The nurse asks.

"I need a blood test done to see if I'm pregnant please?"

"Of course, have you tried an at home test?"

"No, I don't trust them I want to know for sure"

"Alright but it will take a couple of hours for the results. When was your last period?"

"About 3 or 4 weeks ago."

"Okay" as she writes some stuff down "Have you been ill recently?

"Not till today"

"Okay, we will take some Bloods and run some other tests too just to make sure everything is okay"

You sit back in the chair as the nurse gets everything ready and takes the Bloods she needs "Okay all done, you can take a seat back in the waiting room. It will be a long wait though"

"Okay thank you" Bucky says and walks with you back to the waiting room. Time seemed to go slower waiting around. People came and went and it felt like time stood still. After hours and hours of waiting you finally heard your name. A mix of dread and relief washed over you.

The nurse showed you to the room and you waited again for a few minutes for the doctor to come in. "We are waiting for the doctor so that must mean I'm pregnant right? Like the nurse could have told us if everything was okay."

"Baby please relax" He kisses your forehead. "Whatever the doctor says we will handle it, together" He smiles. "Really? You're not scared?"

"Oh I'm terrified sweetheart but if there's a baby we can handle it because we've got each other"

He smiles and kisses you softly. You hear the door open and watch as the doctor walks in and takes a seat.

"Hello miss Y/L/N. We have your tests back and your pregnancy test came back negative but your other tests show a viral infection so that's probably why you were sick this morning. Have you been stressed lately?"

"Yes, work has been a nightmare"

"That could be why your period is late and cause of the infection. I'll write you a prescription and I recommend lots of rest and fluids"

The doctor hands you the piece of paper and you thank him, then he leaves the room. "Let's get you home and back into bed hm?"

"That sounds good Buck. Hey, I'm sorry"

"For what baby?"

"The scare. I guess I panicked"

"It's okay doll I understand why you panicked. Now is not the right time" He smiles at you.

"Yeah we are too busy right now but someday"

Bucky smiles and kisses you softly "someday baby girl, let's get you home"

[xxlady-lunaxx]

your fav kamado siblings and giyuu anon here! ill sign off w a purple heart from now on haha 💜

i have another request! setting and context up to you, just giving you some tags!

hurt/comfort (giyuu gets the comfort), fluff, nightmares, literal sleeping together! :) im sorry cant stop thinking about those three 💜

yaay ! ooh okay, purple anon then <3 (i took so long to write this that i js realized it prolly seemed random to any1 else that youre 💜 anon 😭 IM SORRY) it's nice to see you again :D and of course :O i'll do my best cw! nightmares?? idk just a little panicky at the beginning featuring giyuu and his forcefully adopted siblings, and no particular timeline lmfao... also this is short argh

It must be strange for a Hashira to get nightmares. But then again, they had all faced so many horrors, it would be even more pecuilar if they didn't experience them. Even so, Giyuu felt childish. Waking up in a pool of cold sweat, mind racing with the flashes of blood and deattached limbs strewn about. His chest heaved as he desperately drew in air, trying to catch his breath. He pressed a hand to his fast-beating heart, pushing gently, trying to control it. He hated it. He hated the nights when he was given a break from his duties to rest. It seemed to always end up like this.

As he slowly lowered himself back down, his dream came back to him in full force and replayed in his mind, no matter how much he tried to force it away. Panic rose in him again and he shot back up, almost toppling out of the bed, his arm hitting the wooden floor loudly. He flinched, though he was glad for it as it distracted his thoughts from his dream and he focused on making sure he hadn't broken his wrist (which, of course, he hadn't, but it was a better thought than the ones that threatened to take over).

There was a pattering of footsteps and he tensed, hand straying to the katana that sat by his futon. Then Tanjiro and Nezuko entered the room and he relaxed slightly. He had nearly forgotten.

They were staying over at his house tonight, having been too far from any Wisteria Houses after Tanjiro's mission. They must've heard Giyuu's distress because now they were all bunched up under his blanket, snuggling closer to him. Giyuu decided to let them stay, finding the warmth of their presence comforting.

"Are you okay, Giyuu-san?" Tanjiro asked quietly, after everyone had adjusted.

Giyuu nodded slowly. "Ye-ep," he mumbled, internally slapping himself at the crack in his voice.

"We heard you fall, or something, and got worried. Also it was dreadfully cold alone," Tanjiro hummed, scooting closer and wrapping his arms tightly around Giyuu without a care in the world.

Momentarily, Giyuu tensed, unsure how to take this sudden bit of affection. Yes, they had abruptly slipped into his bed, but he wasn't used to this, it had been so long. He didn't even realize he was crying until Nezuko's sillhouette appeared above him as she gazed at him, eyes tense with worry and scrubbing at his cheeks with the sleeve of her kimono. Giyuu flushed, embarrassed. In his shock, he must've let down his guard. God, he had to pull himself together!

Tanjiro, noticing now, tightened the embrace, burying his head in Giyuu's chest. "Don't cry, Giyuu-san. Do you want me to sing you a song? I used to sing lullabies for my younger siblings," he said, his words muffled by fabric.

Giyuu gave a start. A lullaby? "No... No, I'm okay," he said, voice thick. He cleared his throat several times, tugging Nezuko back down and wrapping and arm around her almost protectively. "It's okay."

Tanjiro's head popped back up to look at him. "You sure? It's not bothering us, if that's what-"

"No," Giyuu repeated, nudging him back down. "I'm fine. I'm sorry."

Tanjiro frowned slightly but settled back under the covers. "Okay. Did something happen earlier? Or did you just hit something?" he asked, after a moment of silence.

"I had a... dream. And I sat up too quickly and... yeah," Giyuu said, trailing off. He didn't really want Tanjiro to know him in his weak moments. This was embarrassing enough.

"Was it a nightmare?" Tanjiro asked.

Giyuu hesitated before answering. Tanjiro didn't sound mocking, at least. Well, yeah, he was Tanjiro... but still. "You can call it that, I suppose," he mumbled, tucking his chin down to his chest.

Nezuko, who had fallen asleep at some point, nuzzled closer, her form shrinking slightly and fitting into Giyuu's arm like a little bundle. A smile softened Giyuu's lips, though nobody could see it, and he held her close, wishing he had met the Kamados in any other circumstance.

"It's okay to have nightmares," Tanjiro said quietly, as if sensing Giyuu's reluctance. "I have them too, sometimes. Everyone has them and being a Demon Slayer basically guarantees nightmares—it's like it comes as part of the job. So don't feel bad!"

Giyuu mulled on this. It was probably true. Nevertheless, he still felt like shit about it. If he was a so-called Hashira, shouldn't he be able to fend off something as stupid as nightmares?

"Okay," he said anyway, wanting to please Tanjiro. he paused, a thought occurring to him. "How often do you have them?"

Tanjiro shifted, not answering for a minute. "It's not really... consistent? They just come and go," he said quietly, reaching over Giyuu to cup Nezuko's hand in his own.

"Oh." Giyuu glanced down. Tanjiro's eyes were closed but he was still awake, slowly tilting to the edge of sleep. "If you... want to talk about them? You can come to me. If you want."

Tanjiro's eyes opened by a breath and he smiled at Giyuu's vague direction. "Thank you, Giyuu-san. You can talk to me too. About anything," he murmured, closing his eyes again.

Giyuu lifted his hand, running it through Tanjiro's short hair. "Okay," he said again, closing his own eyes and resting back against the pillow.

Their quiet breaths became the only sound in the tranquility of the room, slowly pacing into sleep. This would become almost a habit, talking quietly to one another when Tanjiro visited until the conversation lulled into a gentle slumber—the warmth of other presence comforting them until they could finally relax.

I'm so bad at endings, it's not even funny anymore

[youdrewstarsxaroundmyscars]

Alright yall. I need help. Come sit. Be my therapist for a second. Have some hot cocoa even. We're gonna be here a while. <3

I am afab. Very average, very feminine presenting. Joining the marauders fandom and getting more into lgbtq+ side of media and things has made me question my gender identity a bit, and I don't know what to do. I say all the time "I wish I was a boy but only a pretty boy" in the sense that GOD do i wanna be a pretty boy like all the cosplayers and fancasts and fanart and fuckin book descriptions I see of these characters. I'll jokingly tell my friends if I knew and was promised that I could look like THAT ONE tiktoker if i transitioned, I would do it. But I don't know if that's fully 100% true.

I'm contemplating getting a binder. I think the only reason I've put it off for as long as I have is I don't know my own measurements and I don't own a tape measure. It would be super easy to get one, and it makes me wonder why i'm putting it off so bad. I have pretty big boobs for my body size, at least, that's what my friends say. Genetics-wise, all my sisters have bigger boobs and my mother's even gotten a reduction because of it. I've been contemplating that too.

I don't know if I want them gone, but I get such a gross disgusting feeling in my chest if i'm out and about and they're more visible with my clothing. If I were to wear a tight tank top under a hoodie instead of a bra and I go out in public it's like the nerve endings in my chest start doing something and it's so uncomfortable I feel like everyone is staring at them and I feel like I'm doing something wrong just for existing. just for being a woman with female body parts. Is that body dysmorphia? I'm not sure really, i think it started when I would attend church. I felt like every man in the room was staring at me and could notice them, even if i was sitting in the furthest back row and they were all looking forwards. I don't know. Maybe that's just religious trauma for another day.

I want clothes to fit me the way they fit men. I want to love a boy the way a boy loves a boy. I want the hands and the flat chest and the shoulders and the collar bones and the adam's apple and the stomach and the short swoops hair and the jawline. A Pretty boy. You know.

I think everyone desires to be attractive, and when there's so many variables with transitioning, you essentially roll the dice and hope you get a good deal. And I am insecure, and as shallow as it sounds, I would be afraid to be uglier than I am. Lemme tell ya, I haven't seen very attractive ginger men that's for sure. (you may attempt to change my mind if you so desire but if ANY of yall say ed sheeran ill cry cause no)

But some days, I feel alright with my face, with femininity. And I feel like I made up the desire to be a boy. I look in the mirror and think "you're pretty. you look fine, you even look pretty good. Why did you ever want to change that?" Then I'll scroll through tiktok or read a fanfic or see fuckin starchaser fanart that makes me rethink it all over and over again like an endless cycle. And I don't know what to do.

I don't look androgynous. I wish i looked androgynous. Maybe that'd be easier to figure it out. I know some of you are probably gonna say "just experiment with some things. try some different clothes or makeup" and I would if that was something I could easily do.

I never learned how to do makeup. No one ever taught me and I was scared to ask my mom for mascara even though I was in high school. My sisters were great at makeup, and hair, and fashion. All the things people tend to expect girls to be good at. They never taught me. They had moved out by the time I was old enough to start shaving my legs for the first time. Any time I do try something it doesn't match my face, or my hair color, or my skin tone and it doesn't look right and I just get lost.

I don't know how to do my hair, and I don't have anything to do my hair with except for a hairbrush and some ponytails, but my last haircut kinda fucked up and i have these side bangs that are chunky and i don't know how to fix them.

I think I have an alright sense of fashion, but in the way that I see things on my pinterest board and think "that outfit. I want that outfit" but individual pieces?? I wouldn't even know where to start. I like going thrift shopping but lately everything around me has been terribly expensive so I haven't even bothered. Plus it's not really fun going alone. And when I do get to a thrift store it's all...not good stuff?? If that makes sense. I never understand how people are so good at thrift shopping cause I can rarely find anything that matches and if it does match it's either too big or too small.

I just. I don't girl the way i'm supposed to. And I don't boy the way I want to. I don't even gay the way I want to gay. (in the sense that I really do look like a straight white girl. I wish I didnt. damn do i want to be a regulus black variant. can't even do that with my hair)

And even with pronouns. I don't like they/them for me. I look and act like a she/her so that one makes sense, and I've never really clicked with he/him. Maybe cause I don't feel like I look the part so it makes no sense to use it. All of my friends are long distance, and we only ever talk TO eachother so it's not like I'd ever hear it in practice to test it out. I don't know.

Maybe it's just my insecurities throwing all this around. Maybe i've been bullied or mocked or judged one too many times that now I don't even want to be perceived at all. I hate being perceived. Being noticed by random people quite possibly judging every move I make is horrifying. Add that to not enjoying being alone, well. Whoops.

So I don't know. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't make sense of any of it and I'm terrified of fucking something up. I know I shouldn't be. I know it's okay to experiment and see what fits me and what doesn't. Hair grows back, clothing styles change, even the sizes change. Bruises and scars heal, it's ok to fall down. I just..I feel like I can't let myself do any of it. I don't know why. Maybe a punishment of some kind. Not allowing myself to figure out who I am.

Maybe I'm so used to being what I'm not that it's become an unconscious thing I can't let go of. Just trapped in a bubble I didn't even realize I had been forced into until it was too late maybe. I don't know. I just don't know. I don't know where to start, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to do any of it and I just wanted to to be stopped. I want to be at the ends of this stupid long road and for it to be fixed.

I want it to go away.

(This kind of turned into a rant but if anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it <3 happy new year btw!! heard some hella tea from my neighbors while writing this and that was very entertaining)

[journalofsorts2]

i've accumulated enough posts in my sad folder that it's time for another dump of quotes i got from tiktoks that made me want to bawl my eyes out.

"sometimes if i don't speak on something i feel like the words start eating me from the inside out. but, most times, i find death the easy way out. would i rather deal with being uncomfortable and vocal or finding comfort in death? both sound unpleasant"

"Never, never tell them. Try and remember that. Never tell anyone anything ever. Never tell anyone anything again."

"i killed a plant once because i gave it too much water. lord, i worry that love is violence."

"I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break."

"The truth is I stopped talking to you, not because I don't like you anymore but because I thought I was annoying you. And I'm just waiting for you to say that you miss me because I miss you everyday, every hour, every minute, every second and it hurts"

"If a girl is only as good as her mother, then what?"

"Do you still believe that myths can save you? Foolish creature. Let me be clear: every version of the story ends with you being slaughtered."

"i hate everything i do cause i learned it from you"

"God said: GOD MADE YOU. GOD DOES NOT CARE IF YOU ARE "GUILTY" OR NOT. I said: I CARE IF I AM GUILTY! I CARE IF I AM GUILTY!. . . God was silent. Everything was SILENT. I lay back down in the snow"

"i'll take care of you. It's rotten work. Not to me. Not if it's you" (i fucking love this quote sm)

"My mother did not mean to hate me, she did not even know she hated me, and yet I was hated. And I carried that hate with me through life with more pride than it perhaps deserved. A bruise of honor."

"If there is a God, He will have to beg my forgiveness."

"mothers and daughters existing as wretched mirrors of each other: i am all you could have been and you are all i might be."

"But the thing I will never admit to anyone who's met me is how desperately I want to be loved, I don't think I could say it. How I want someone to hold my wrists and kiss my palms and smile at me, and want me, I want to be wanted and i don't know how long poetry or songs will substitute for being wanted."

"I wanted you to see a mess and still find me worthy of love, to tell me that you could still love me anyway."

"I need a father, I need a mother, I need some older, wiser being to cry to. I talk to God but the sky is empty."

"I wept and wept. I had come to believe that if I really wanted something badly enough, the very act of my wanting it was an assurance that I would not get it."

"Like any unloved thing, I don't know if I'm real when I'm not being touched."

"show me your thorns and i'll show you hands ready to bleed."

"Mother Eat me and give birth to me again This time around I'll make you proud"

"all my life, i have done nothing grand, so this time, i want to find, the highest building, the tallest spire, and dive down, towards the ocean of writhing streets, wouldn't that be, a grand way to go?"

"constantly obsessing over my appearance and not in a "i'm in love with myself" way but a "i am so self aware of the way that i look at all times and i can't stop thinking about how others perceive me and i constantly feel so gross that i don't even wanna see how i look most of the time and will avoid reflective surfaces" type of way"

"The desire to be sicker to prove that you are sick, itself is indicative of sickness. A well person doesn't desire to be sick."

"'god knows all of your ugliness,' my mother says, 'and loves you despite.' 'is that supposed to make me feel loved?' i reply. 'i am still ugly. he is still god.'"

"sometimes i wish i broke my leg, or got in a car crash, or got diagnosed with some serious illness. not because i think i deserve it, no. but because i just want someone, anyone, to notice me. notice that i'm just not okay."

"pumpkin pie, some apple cider. it doesn't get much better than this. it's not gonna get any better than this."

"How do I explain to someone that just by existing, I am subjecting myself to irreparable damage."

that's it, that's all i got for today. i feel like these say a lot about me that i cried to them, but i don't like that, i don't like being readable.

[ouch-thats-harsh]

venting ahead

don't look please

just needed to release everything

its never too late for me to start working

I've been procrastinating for too long

my entire chest aches

and I haven't even started on the things i have to do

so many books left to read

so many exams to give

hell, more than these, there are too many expectations

and every time I vent, it just feels like I'm faking for attention

I'm laughing with tears streaming down my face, scratching my neck, pulling my hair, franticly wiping my tears, screaming, sobbing while trying to take a walk to calm myself

music was blaring outside yesterday

and people still think I'm happy and fine and okay and gods know what

I'm so tired of thinking I'm doing all this for attention and that I'm a fucking fraud

I cried too much last night

and stared at the ceiling while laying motionlessly on my bed

went to the toilet and sat there terrified of having nightmares or sleep paralysis

its getting worse everyday

us making plans to meet on that specific day after 20 yrs

just for fun

I said "If I'm alive ofc"

I looked happy saying that

and my friend who knows how shit my mental health looked so worried

she freaked out when I screamed at my friend to stop packing my bags

I freaked out because it was fucking my brain up in all wrong ways

my arms started to shake

just because my books were packed weird (felt weird to me, it was completely fine)

she and my best friend looked so helpless while I had a full blown panic attack in our classroom

my best friend hates my family because she knows they are primarily the reason I'm so fucked up

I don't hate them

never did

last night i asked why she compares me to her in-laws

my mother can be so selfish

and a hypocrite

called me selfish and horrible

that i'll never be a good person

and then last night she said that she only says such because they ill-treated her

and she hopes they were dead

I asked, do I really treat her as such

she said, I never said that

then proceeded to talk about her trauma

even though I asked her to let me know why she hates me so much

i want to talk to someone

be held

just someone to sit with

I want to cry

so hard

she asked if I had been crying today

I said no

I want to bang my head until my skull cracks

have been calling myself all sorts of shit things

and I know they are true

and if anyone else says I'm not

then I know they're pitying me

if they yes, then I'll sit quiet

and then start to cry later

not me hating how I've wrote 'I' too many times

like my own existence bothers me

don't wanna cry

but then how am I suppose release this feeling

my chest hurts and feels like something's gnawing at it in the middle

I'm tired of feeling

tired of being tired

and my arms are weak

my stomach

it doesn't feel good

I'm gonna cringe at this

not like I'll read this again

[m0chaminx]

'' This is why we can't have nice things ''

with Kingo. Maybe she's breaking things due to stress/argument.

Oh my god, this is perfect. I kinda twisted it so its kinda funnier but still a argument thing, hope you like it :)

*•.¸♡Request: '' This is why we can't have nice things '' with Kingo. Maybe she's breaking things due to stress/argument.

*•.¸♡Prompt : '' This is why we can't have nice things ''

*•.¸♡𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 : Argument, small cut (not SH), Swearing, Probably the cutest Kingo yet

*•.¸♡Paring : Kingo x F!Human Reader

*•.¸♡𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 : You get sick of Kingo going to Nakita every two minutes.

*•.¸♡Words: 770

A/N : The reader knows Kingo is an Eternal

You loved Kingo more than anything, no one could deny that, but sometimes that man gets on your nerves. He would be away for weeks to months at a time, sometimes he took the on-screen flirting too far and that made you so frustrated, but he loved acting so you didn't say anything. Until he had to cancel your date, again, just to see his leading lady. Yes, it was for work, or that's how he saw it, but she didn't see it that way.

"Are you going again?" You questioned see Kingo grab his phone off the counter.

"Yeah, Nikita wanted to go over some things," Kingo explained ruffling his hair. "I shouldn't be too long. I'm really sorry, I'll make it up to you later." Kingo pulled you close pressing a kiss to your temple.

"I bet," You mumbled turning the stove off moving the pan away from the heat.

"You alright dear?" Kingo asked brushing the hair from your eyes trailing his fingers over your cheek. You sighed turning to the sink to rinse the utensils you were using. "I know I'm cancelling date night, I promise it's the last time." You scoffed letting out a dry chuckle as you used a hand towel to wipe your hands.

"You said that last time, and the time before, and before that, and the time before that," You dropped the towel on the edge of the sink smoothing it out. "Y'know Kingo it's the third time this month and god knows how many times last time." Your words came out with no real emotion and you stared at the sink picking at the end of a wooden spoon. "I cant Kingo. I know you think Nakita just needs help, but she's smart and talented enough to read a god damn script!" The last words were harsher than you expected and the spoon in your hands snapped, cutting edge of your finger. Kingo rushed to you grabbing the towel and wrapping it around your finger.

''Jesus Y/N/N. This is why we can't have nice things," Kingo mumbled tossing the spoon away, a very small smile tugging at his lips. Kingo held your face in your free hand and his stomach dropped, his throat tightened and he swore he heard his heart shatter. You were crying, you were crying because of him. He didn't even have a second thought as he wrapped his arms around you pulling you to his chest letting the tears drop onto his shirt. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Kingo kept repeating his words and your breathing just sped up your hands gripping his shirt.

"No, I'm sorry, it's a work thing- I shouldn't have-" You hiccupped through your sentence, trying to calm your breathing. Kingo shook his head moving to kneel in front of you keeping a hold of your hands.

"Don't you fucking dare, don't apologize. I just got so caught up in myself and I just," Kingo stopped to take a breath and kiss your knuckles. "There's no fucking excuse." Kingo stood back up leading you to the couch crouching down as you took a seat. "How about we eat ice cream and cookies and candy and whatever else I find, and we can watch that new series you like?"

You smiled at Kingo pulling him closer into a kiss. "That sounds really nice."

"I know it doesn't fix it, and I promise ill try- but it's a start right?" Kingo let out a nervous chuckle.

"It's a start," You confirmed brushing his hair back. Kingo's phone rang and he rolled his eyes. He quickly took it out immediately hanging up on Nakita. He scrolled through his contacts for a moment until he found Karun's name.

"Hey Karun, can you call Nakita and tell her just to read the goddamn script," Kingo said passive-aggressively and a small chuckle left your lips. "Thank you, I'll see you soon. Okay bye." Kingo hung up and quickly used his powers to blow up his phone.

You chuckled looking up at him with a quirky smile, "'This is why we can't have nice things, '' You teased your eyes flicking to his phone.

"Haha, your so funny. I just, tonight's about you" Kingo teased tossing his phone on the table. "I'll grab food and-" Kingo clicked his fingers staring at you with a huge smile, "-You grab all the pillows, blankets, whatever, and we can make a fort."

You giggled at him tugging him into your arms, "In a minute, just hug me please."

"Anything for you lovely, " Kingo smiled pressing a kiss to your forehead.

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[rayofsunas]

s/o who dies.

A/n: listennnn, I wasn't going to write something dark, but then I unregretfully decided to listen to edgy/dark audios and I was suddenly in the mood to write this so yeah lmao. also, guess what? I'm planning on making a discord server right after posting this! so, be on the lookout for that when I get it all sorted out. also, note for Scaramouche's that the reader inserts tend to lean more femininely versed (I hope that's okay), the only reasons why I do that is because one I simp and I'm female AND two since I am doing a mini-series for Scara, I've kind of based his imagines/fics around that universe (baby daddy universe). I haven't started his yet, but consider these part of that series' universe. anyways as always thank you for requesting anon and enjoy! <333

Summary: you die + how the boys cope afterward.

Parings: Albedo/Gn! Reader, Xiao/Gn! Reader, Scaramouche/Fem! Reader

Warnings: swearing, angst, death, poison, illness/cancer, murder, arson, obsessive behavior

Word count: 2.1k

Albedo

"You need to keep this on your head." Your lover said for the one-hundredth time, placing the cold cloth on your forehead once again after taking it off only seconds earlier.

"This is pointless," You said, no longer wanting to ignore nor hide behind the invisible thick curtains of the obvious death sentence approaching. "My body rejected the medicine the first twice doses, what's a third time going to do?" You asked, knowing Albedo wouldn't answer; your hope was to knock some sense into his thick skull. but he was too worried trying to ignore the obvious as you had previously been doing, not anymore though.

This was saddening to watch, both Albedo's unfolding and the girl who accidentally poisoned you, whimpering into Sucrose's shoulder. She was only a young girl, barely seventeen when she was chosen to work under Sucrose and your boyfriend. She was very good at Alchemy and luckily had a desire to practice the craft. But unfortunately, she hadn't paid much attention when it came to Surcrose's educational poison lesson and had unknowingly mixed up poisonous liquids and materials.

After tipping over some clutter in Albedo's office and knocking over a test tube laying unsealed on the counter, you had realized the contents spilled on your skin, bleaching into your pores. You had been tasked with bringing the famed alchemist and his assistant some vials and materials for the collection of a rare butterfly they had found. It was both telling and obvious that something was wrong when you never showed up with the required materials requested and it was already too late hours later when the chief Alchemist, his assistant, and Alchemist in training came bounding down the stairs of Albedo's home laboratory.

It didn't take long for the trio to realize something was wrong. Sucrose had found the vile on the floor, most of its contents spilled and in a little puddle, plus your state on a nearby lounge chair was obvious; slumped awkwardly, forehead visibly sweating, eyes closed, breathing raspily.

You accepted the first doses of the supposed nullifying medicine without hesitation, just wanting the numbing feeling to go away. But when it never kicked in you decided it would be best to save the medicine, because it wasn't working. Your time was coming.

"Since the medicine is taking immediate effect, you should try to get the contents out of your system," He said, reaching out for you. Badly you wanted to argue that the medicine wasn't working at all, but he wasn't listening and already has his lean arms wrapped around your middle, helping gently lift and guide you over to the sink.

You hear materials being shoved to the side and soon enough you had your head dangling over the sink, shaking hands gripping the metalled edge tightly. Soon enough, Albedo's hand was on your back rubbing up and down, hoping to comfort you, it wasn't working though. You could only think about your death, what the other side would look like. Could there even be heaven or hell, maybe a place in between, maybe nowhere...?

As soon as you felt the urge to vomit, you did, and despite it being utterly disgusting Albedo seemed to welcome it happily. He took this as something good, but it only worried you when you saw the reddish hues in the bile.

"I think they should leave." You muttered acknowledging Sucrose and Elizabeth, the taste of gooey, metal only becoming more apparent. The blonde agreed, nodding and muttering "Okay."

As Sucrose lead Elizabeth towards the stairs, the pair heard you say. "Goodbye Sucrose, Elizabeth." Which only seemed to make the young girl wail louder.

You sighed sadly once the silence was back. Just your thoughts of death, and Albedo's slowly crushing heart.

"You should probably leave soon as well. I don't want you to be here when I go." Albedo frowned at your statement, head shaking.

"Don't say things like that."

Of course, he'd say that. Why did he feel the need to ignore this when it would only come back to hurt him even more later on when you were gone?

"You're the smartest man I know and we both know where this is heading," You said, head feeling much heavier than before. It was getting closer to your time. "I'm going to die, and you can't do anything about it."

"I'm not leaving your side. We promised to stick together through everything, you can't ask me to leave."

"I guess... But promise me this."

"When I go, stop blaming Elizabeth. It was an accident..." You said sincerely. Albedo wanted to make a fuss about it, tell you he'd never been able to forgive her. But for you, he would try. If it was your list desire, your last wish, he'd make it come true. Though it would be difficult. Accidental or not, she was the reason you were leaving him here, alone.

"Okay, I'll try..." He said honestly.

"Thank you," You said, letting out a shaking breath you had been holding for a very long time. Now you felt much more peaceful. "And since I know you stubbornly won't leave," You started, finally turning away from the sink to look into his cerulean eyes. "At least hold my hand."

"Of course, love."

even a year after your death, no matter how hard he tried, there was still this nagging feeling every time he looked at Elizabeth

he wanted too badly forgive her, but he couldn't

she had, although accidental, taken the one person that meant so much to him and he'd never forgive

Albedo is gonna be distant towards everyone he knows and it's completely purposeful

he doesn't like the pitiful gazes that people send his way and he hates that all the captains stared at him at your funeral

obviously, some questioned if he was able to stay in the field

he hadn't taken any time off, even when Jean advised he was welcome and that it would be best

tbh, albedo's going to have a hard time for a while

Xiao

Why did it have to be you? Why not him? He'd feel much better knowing you could live another day, after all, he'd been living a very long time.

But no, the fallen Archons, Gods, Yaksha had chosen you to join them. He wished that weren't the case

Humans and their pathetic vessels... So weak, he thought. Allowing something like cancer to beat them.

No matter how harsh it sounded, he didn't despise you, no. It wasn't your fault. You didn't ask for this. He just knew that if you were a godly being this wouldn't have happened like this or at least not so soon; Xiao had known Gods that had terminal illnesses to live years. Why couldn't you be like them?

He hated watching you lie there in that bed, immobile, sickly, and tired, and all you could say was that everything was going to be alright, that he'd be alright.

But it wasn't. He wouldn't be okay without you. He would struggle daily, fall deeper into a hole. You were the light of his life, the only light in his life. And you were gone, just like that. Turning external scars into internal ones tattered all over his dying heart.

Xiao for the longest time has been by himself, so the people of Liyue know it'll be harder for him to overcome this, no matter what he says or does to prove otherwise

Zhongli in particular knows how hard this will be for his friend

his first and probably last love, dead, gone in the blink of an eye

he'll continue fighting all the monsters he crosses, becoming even more violent when he does so, trying his best to get rid of this stupid sickly feeling of heartbreak

but it won't go away, no matter what he does, no matter how absurd

he just wants the feeling to go away, he despises that feeling so much

if you have a secret place somewhere, like in the mountains, Zhongli often finds him there, wallowing in invisible self-pity

"You know they wouldn't want you to be like this." Zhongli would say, only trying to help

but it doesn't

it only enrages Xiao, even more, fuels him to push everyone out of his life again instead of letting them in like he'd done in your presence

Scaramouche

How dare you. How dare you leave him like this. Alone, nonetheless with a toddler to raise who kept crying for her mommy. He couldn't do this without you, he didn't know how to raise a child, speak to her with the gentle care that you did. That was your expertise but now he'd be doing it solo.

And never again would he entrust someone who he cares about, into ignorant, incompetent arms. Never again will he ever allow any member of the Fatui to watch after his daughter; no matter their rank or position. They had one job while he was away doing business in Liyue. Guard your home twenty-four seven, accompany you into Inazuma's port town should you need anything, watch after his daughter while she plays happily in the luscious Inazuma fields. And they couldn't do that. All he gave them was one simple task, watch and keep you and your daughter safe. Instead, they slacked off, probably drunk in some bar while you were being brutally attacked by murderous mercenaries, left to fend for you and your daughter, only to die protecting her and leave your home to be severely burned.

He knew those idiotic Fatui soldiers were incompetent the moment he stepped foot into the harbor and found that everyone seemed to quiet down. Especially the eerily silent soldiers flanked on each side to welcome him home; he was the highest-ranking soldier in the land of Inazuma after all. Not a single one bothered to step forward and tell him what was wrong, what they all criminally allowed happen. Scaramouche only realized what had happened when he was mere minutes away from arriving home, his daughter had come running from his widowed mother's arms, the sight of smoke rising in the air, from the direction of his home. You were nowhere to be seen.

It all happened so fast, in the blink of an eye. His daughter was clinging to his shirt and his mother only stared with tears of pity.

It didn't take long for the puzzle pieces to be put together and before he knew it, Scaramouche was standing in front of his home, part of it burnt to a crisp and black.

He didn't need to ask what happened, he didn't need to know where you were, because he already knew. What he didn't know was who exactly had done this. But he was going to find out, now.

Incompetent, selfish, bastards. They would all pay for this. The lazy piggish Fatui soldiers who he should've never trusted with such a simple task and the thieves who had murdered you. They all had it rightfully coming.

Scaramouche hates the world after he lost you

he hates it so much and can't understand how this had happened

he's not a good person, so he blames it on karma and those stupid idiots who couldn't protect you

ngl, he's not gonna be around much after your death... his mother would argue that he should be here to raise your daughter, because she's also in pain and doesn't understand that this isn't some game of hide and seek this time

instead, he's focused and driven by revenge

he doesn't listen to a word anybody says, he's much more dangerous than before, and he only trusts his judgment

anyone trying to get him to stop his mission, is someone who doesn't want to see him happy he thinks (though that's not true at all. they hate that he is obsessive over this) but he will personally put a stop to that

and he'll only return home to his daughter and mother when he finds who did this and they along with their bloodline is exterminated

while he's gone, the remainder of his family is relocated somewhere he knows they'll be safe, for example, even though he despises childe, he knows his mom and daughter will be safe with his family

sorry, but Scaramouche will hold this deep-rooted hatred and love for you after you die

yes, he still loves and misses you dearly, but he hates you for leaving him alone, hates that although it wasn't intentional and out of your control, that you were gone

no matter how hard you tried to fight, it was selfish of you to leave him like this

he's not going to stop until he believes whoever was behind this is dead

and in his case, he'll stop believing when he chooses, even if they are innocent/guilty, he'll keep going

3.19.21, rayofsunas

[tastyykpop]

ᴍʀ. ɴᴀᴋᴀᴍᴏᴛᴏ!!

Pairings: yuta x reader

Genre: suggestive

Warnings: dilf!yuta, shy!reader, hair grabbing, shibari, he do be cheating on his wife doe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Mr. Nakamoto was a scary man. Actually no, to you he was a scary man. With a stone cold face and a tsundere like personality, why wouldn't you be scared? You're just a small girl anyway, shy and literally can't order her own food from McDonald's, of course he scares you! But, you almost always spent your days at his house. Whether it be with him or his son. And no matter what Mr. Nakamoto did, he scared the living shit out of you. He shouldn't because you've known him for so long, but he did.

There were multiple times where you would go to his kitchen, after sitting in his son's room for so long, and grab a quick drink of water while Mr. Nakamoto was there. He wouldn't be paying attention to you until he accidentally bumped into you, apologizing then smirking at your hesitant 'its okay' while not looking him in the eyes.

Every time he found it the most adorable thing ever. If no one was around, like his wife or son, he'd pinch your cheeks and coo at your bright red face, but if someone was around, he'd do what he did before and smirk whilst walking away from you.

But thats not really whats scary, actually it was something different.

One night, his son and wife were out of town for a week so he invited you over. Its nothing strange, you came over all the time even when his son wasn't home, but it was somewhat different this time however.

Mr. Nakamoto was drained and pissed from work after having a very bitchy and annoying intern. Next he and his wife got into a heated argument over their marriage being unstable and not the same like how it used to be. Words were thrown by the both of them, but Mr. Nakamoto was the most heated and ended the call by hanging up and throwing his phone, not letting the woman on the other line finish as he spewed countless of comments in anger at no one in particular.

Then there was you.

The entire day you weren't like your usual self. You weren't as shy and started making snarky comments after your parents yelled at you for failing a test. Cross that out. You didn't fail, they just didnt like seeing a B- as a grade. In their eyes that was a fail, but you tried your hardest on that test and all you got was them yelling and saying you slacked off.

So a combination like yours and Mr. Nakamotos was sure not going to end well.

"Come here," Mr. Nakamoto patted the couch, face still red from his mini temper tantrum, "I wanna fuck you."

Your eye twitched. It wasn't normal for you to get angry at him like this, but today had to be the day you did. Maybe it was the way he was so straight forward that sent you into another wave of anger, you didn't know. What you did know is that you wanted to bitch slap him into next year, "How about you go fuck yourself instead."

It all happened so quick. Mr. Nakamoto stood up and marched his way over towards you, towering over your small form as he glared down at you, "Thats not something my little girl would say." He raised a brow, "Where's my shy little girl?"

"Can you just fuck off for one god damn second, yuta. I'm not in the mood." You spat, venom fully laced in your voice as you said his name. He hated it. Never had he ever allowed you to say his first name. Hed prefer one of two things; sir or Mr. Nakamoto. And upon hearing his name, he realized you didn't catch on soon enough to take it back like you normally would. You would even sputter many apologies following the mistake too as he would chuckle and remind you to never call him that again. But now- now you weren't yourself, he didn't know who the hell you were. Mr. Nakamoto wanted his shy baby back.

"I'll give you five seconds to think about what you said and apologize for two things."

You scoffed, "Apologize?"

"Five."

"If you think ill apologize for calling you by your first name and what I said before,"

"Four."

"You're wrong."

"Three."

"And you are so,"

"Two."

"Fucking annoying. Sometimes I just wish you'd stop treating me like a shy little girl all the time."

"One."

You fucked up.

"Great, to the room you go."

"Wait-"

It was far too late for you, Mr. Nakamoto grabbed you by the hair, ignoring your please as you slapped his hand repeatedly. He pulled you down the hall and into a room where not even his wife or son stepped in since it was always locked and the key was always stored away with Mr. Nakamoto.

He threw you onto the bed, letting your body flop before you regained yourself and stared up at him with big apologetic eyes.

The older man grabbed a few things from a box that was under the bed, you couldn't get a good look at it, but you figured it was nothing good, "Since you don't want to be treated like my shy little girl," he flipped you, tearing off every last piece of clothing you had as he straddled your lower half, tying you in shibari, "Ill just treat you like my fucking slave instead."

"Mr. Nakamoto!! Please no..."

"If you want me to stop, say our safe word now because I'm not stopping after this." He waited for a few seconds, but you never spoke.

If you had known his torture wasn't just going to be tying you in a knot, then you would have said it, but you didn't. You endured everything. All the edging and orgasm denials. All the choking and gagging. All the bruises on your skin. All the hand prints on your face and ass. All the hair pulling and face fucking. Hes literally spat in your face and in your mouth. Made you lick his shoe. Shoved his fingers down your throat just to make you gag. Watched you cry after everything. No it was not fun. None of this was. After everything you had been through, you knew not to let your anger out on Mr. Nakamoto again.

[tryingmybestpls]

Not A Team: Part 2- New World Order

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: The Reader gives a speech at the opening of Steve’s exhibit and has a talk with Sam following his speech.

Rating: T

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER, talks of death, talks of mental illness, feelings of isolation

Read Part One here

Listen to the playlist inspired by the series here

Y/N felt like coming here today was a mistake.

Her stomach tossed and turned like a stormy sea, threatening to send her breakfast all over Rhodey's shiny shoes. She was second guessing everything. Was her dress nice enough? Rhodey had told her she looked great, but she hadn't worn a dress since Steve's funeral-Oh God, what if he was lying to her? No, he wouldn't lie to her-but what if he felt bad? Jesus, dd her shoes look stupid? Maybe she shouldn't have worn heels-but then she always wore heels with dresses and if she wore flats that would look childish. Did her speech sound coherent? Fuck, what if she messes up. Would they think she was doing it on purpose out of retribution for what Steve did? No, they didn't know what Steve did, what he had done to her. What if-

"Hey, hey. What's wrong? You look like you're going to blow chunks." Rhodey cuts through her thoughts like a hot knife through butter. He puts his hand on her back, "Breathe, Y/N."

"Maybe this a bad idea, Rhodey. I mean they have Sam. I think Sam can handle this." She stumbles over her words, trying to calm herself down. Her heart was racing a hundred miles a minute and she swore her hands were shaking,

"You're going to be okay, but you need to relax. I've read and reread your speech a dozen times. It's perfect." Rhodey tries to soothe her, his hand rubbing her back. Y/N squeezes her eyes shut, working on slowing her breathing. In through her nose and out through her mouth.

"Hey pretty lady, I was wondering where the exhibit is. I'm supposed to be giving a speech there today." A voice calls out, sending Y/N's eyes flying open. She turns on her heels, being greeted by the sight of Sam walking towards them, holding the leather case that carries the shield. Y/N can feel the tension melting out of her shoulders as a smile spreads across her nervous face.

"Rhodey, I think they might be letting anyone speak here today." Y/N teases, the anxiousness slipping away, releasing its hold on her. Rhodey chuckles, shaking his head at his friend's antics. She hadn't seen Sam since the days following Steve's funeral and right now, he's a welcome sight. Sam rests his hand over his heart, feigning hurt as he gets closer.

"You wound me, woman." Sam jokes, smiling right back at her. They embrace, her arms wrapping around his neck as his go around her waist, "I missed you, kid."

"I've missed you too, Sammy." She murmurs back, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. They pull away and Sam smiles at her, the skin around his eyes wrinkling. Rhodey clears his throat, gently touching Y/N's upper arm.

"Hey I need to go talk to some people, alright?" Rhodey announces, almost as if he is asking permission. Y/N just smiles and nods, the smile staying on her face until he walks away from the two.

"How are you feeling, Y/N?" Sam questions, to which Y/N sighs, looking down at her shoes.  She stays quiet for a moment, feeling his eyes on her.

"You want the truth or you want me to tell you what I tell Rhodey?" She replies, looking back at him. Y/N shifts from one foot to another, glad they were far from the crowd that was gathering. He gives her a look, giving her an answer without opening his mouth. She sighs again, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.

"I don't sleep, not really. I get maybe an hour a night if I am lucky. I-The house is filled with boxes that I can't unpack because-" Her voice cracks, her chest rising and falling quickly. She bites the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to not cry, "I thought that leaving the apartment would make him go away, but it didn't."

"Well Steve was always stubborn." Sam responds, making a laugh bubble out of her throat before she could stop it. There was an "I'm sorry" buried in the joke and Y/N knew it, but decided to only focus on the joke.

-

The stage looked daunting.

She forced herself up those steps, the person who had introduced her still had his hand outstretched towards her. Y/N wondered if she could make a run for it. Sure people will be mad at her, but she won't be forcing herself through this. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, the clapping nothing but a ringing in her ears. For a moment, her eyes landed on the giant banner of her husband, a lump forming in her throat. He was watching over her, his face emotionless as his eyes seemingly followed her every step. Cameras flashed as she stood on the stage, striding over to the podium. Once she stood in front of it, a hush fell over the crowd.

Y/N Rogers had saved thousands of lives. She was an Avenger and had faced countless foes. Hell, her wedding had more people in attendance than this event, but she still felt sick to her stomach. Y/N gave them all a smile as she forced herself to calm down, swallowing hard before speaking.

"To say that Steve Rogers was a special man is putting lightly. He was a hero that many of us, myself included, aspired to be one day. And while many of you only knew him as Captain America, I was among the lucky few that got to know him just as Steve Rogers. Now I could stand up here and tell you about every battle he won, how valiantly he fought-but everyone else is going to do that. Hell, you can read about it in the exhibit." Y/N chuckles, blinking away the tears in her eyes as the crowd laughs.

Y/N finds Rhodey and Sam in the crowd, both of them giving her smiles of encouragement. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see the diamond on her wedding ring sparkling in the light. It's the first time she's worn it in a while, but it felt almost right to wear it. Once again, she's pretending like Steve didn't leave her. No, Y/N is ignoring that completely, almost blissfully. These people only know Steve as Captain America, as a god-damned American hero. She isn't going to tarnish that, won't ruin his legacy. And regardless of what Steve did to her, she is still in love with him and she wants to talk about the man she fell in love with, not the one that hurt her. Y/N inhales and exhales shakily before continuing.

"Steve was so much more than just Captain America. He was my best friend and my husband. He was the type of man to pick up flowers for you just because. The type of man to tell you that you looked really pretty even though you were covered in dirt and ash. He would let me go on and on about things that didn't even matter, but with the way he paid attention you would think that I was telling him the secrets of the world. Steve loved staying in and having movie marathons-he-he had a list he'd carry with him to write down things he needed to learn about. Before we dated, he would text me randomly, asking me why Jar Jar Binks is hated so much or asking me to explain what emojis are. He never quite got the hang gof the latter." A laugh comes out of Y/N's mouth, the crowd following suit. There was a smile on her face, a warmth spreading in her chest.

"He's the man I'll be in love with until the day I die, but then I'll fall in love all over again because I'll be able to see him again. Steve was the sweetest, kindest man I've ever met and while I will always wish we had more time together, I was lucky to have him as long as I did. We were all lucky to have him." Y/N pauses again, her throat constricting with emotion, "Even though he's gone, Steve lived a long life-a life longer than some of us get and I am happy that so many different facets of his life is going to be explored and shared with so many people. I hope you all enjoy the exhibit. Thank you."

The applause that followed was almost thunderous. Y/N smiled as her heart slammed against her ribcage, cameras flashing as she made her way off the stage. She was glad it was finally over as she moved to stand next to Rhodey and Sam. Sam kissed her cheek before he climbed up the stairs to the stage. Rhodey rubbed her back, telling her quietly that she did great. She just nodded in response, her eyes on her friend, watching as Sam leaned the shield against the plexiglass podium.

"Thank you Y/N for making my job a lot harder." Sam teases, causing everyone to chuckle. Y/N smiles right back at him, shaking her head as her friend carries on, "Steve represented the best in all of us. Courageous, righteous, hopeful. And he mastered poising stoically. "

Sam's a natural at this, standing up there like its nothing. And while Y/N should be focused on the speech, her eyes keep drifting down to the shield at his feet.

"The world has been forever changed. A few months ago, billions of people reappeared after five years away, sending the world into turmoil. We need new heroes. Ones suited for the times we're in. Symbols...are nothing without the women and men that give them meaning. And this thing," Sam chuckles, picking up the shield, "I don't know if there's ever been a greater symbol. But it's more about the man who propped it up and he's gone. So, today we honor Steve's legacy, but also, we look to the future. So thank you, Captain America. But this belongs to you."

Y/N feels sick to her stomach as she watches Sam hand the shield off. Her chest feels tight and she-she can't be here. There's a ringing on her ears and she can't breathe. Y/N pushes through the crowd, not bothering with pleasantries as she does it. A dozen emotions rack her body, causing her hands to start to heat up. She forces it down, deep down as she walks into an empty bathroom, locking the door behind her.

Sam gave away the shield.

He gave it away.

Like it was nothing.

And she wants to scream, wants to cry, but it won't come out. Y/N won't let it, not now when she is still in public. She walks over to the sinks, her hands gripping the counter. Her eyes are rimmed with red, eyes all watery. Her red painted lips press into a thin line as she forces herself to not cry, practically glaring at her reflection. What did her therapist tell her to do? Ah yes, breath in and out. In and out.

This was all too much way too soon. She couldn't handle this. She was being bombarded with memories and emotions already and now Sam giving the shield away? She felt like she was going to lose it. A part of her felt like she was overreacting. overthinking this whole situation. And maybe she was. Y/N did that from time to time. Tony had told her she was an expert of making mountains out of molehills. Maybe Sam just didn't want to be Captain America, didn't want to shoulder that burden. That was understandable. It was a shitty, shitty job-one that Sam didn't ask for. He shouldn't be forced to take on the mantle of Captain America, not when the previous owner had tossed it away so carelessly.

Yet, the bigger part of her was incredibly upset. Angry at the fact that Sam handed off the shield to be shelved in a museum. Overwhelmed by the amount of Steve that was everywhere. Confused over the multitudes of feeling that were swarming her body.

And there was nothing she could do about any of them. She just had to grin and bear it, just like she's been doing since Steve decided he much rather spend an entire lifetime with a woman he knew for a few months. So Y/N collected herself, blinked away her tears, and left the bathroom. Her feet had a mind of their own, carrying her towards the one place she didn't want to be.

The exhibit.

Steve's image is plastered on every single surface, telling the details of every part of his life. Scrawny Steve, bootcamp Steve, darling icon of patriotism during the war Steve, frozen Steve, Battle of Manhattan Steve, cartoon Steve punching Hitler, Steve during Sokovia, Steve on the run. Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve. He covers every single square inch, which makes sense because this is his exhibit. And while Y/N knows she should just turn on her heel and not put herself through it, she throws caution to the wall. She's already incredibly upset, so she might as well pour gallons and gallons of salt and lemon juice into that open wound.  So she forces herself deeper into the exhibit, running straight into the very last man she wants to see at this moment.

"You know I wasn't expecting to find you here." Sam tells her as soon as her foot enters the next room. She keeps her mouth shut, so he adds "Rhodey is looking for you."

"You know on his right sleeve of his suits, right near his wrist, he had my initials stitched. He told me he wanted to carry a piece of me into every mission, into every fight." Y/N announces as she looks at a picture of Steve on a mission, most likely taken by Natasha. Sam sighs, walking over to her, wanting her to see his point of view.

"Look I know you're upset-" He starts, but is immediately cut off by a dry chuckle slipping out of Y/N's mouth as she walks around the room. She wants to lay in to him, wants to give him a piece of her mind.

"Oh I am far past the point of being "just upset", Wilson. It wasn't yours to give away. I-I don't care if you didn't want the mantle, but..." Her angry words trail off once she realizes what part of the exhibit she has reached, her face dropping.

Y/N stops in front of a part of the exhibit labeled 'Two Heroes United'. Her eyes roam over the pictures of her and Steve's wedding and the pictures taken throughout the duration of their relationship, so much more than what the file Rhodey had left detailed. So many smiles, so much happiness filling each and every picture. Her facade is cracking, chipping away as she forces herself to study every picture, studying their faces over and over, trying to see if there was something she had missed, if-if there was something she could have said or done to hold onto him a little longer. If there was something hidden behind his smile, behind his touches, they don't reveal themselves in the photographs.

She's just a footnote in his life, a blurb at the end of a long story. A tool to make him look like an all-American family man. Bucky and Sam had much larger parts of the exhibit dedicated to their roles in Steve's life and who they are outside of being Steve's friends. Y/N-well Y/N gets this, a paragraph saying that she was on the team and then married Steve. She is just haphazardly tacked onto the story of his life, a cute story to make people feel all warm inside. He got his happily ever after, they'll say-or they'll whisper to one another God she was so lucky to have him. They won't ask if she got her happily ever after or if she feels lucky now.

Sam got to hand off the shield, got to throw away the title of Captain America. He gets to keep on living his life after this, but Y/N-Y/N will always be Steve's wife. And it doesn't matter how many people she saved or what she did with her time on earth, she will only be know for being the wife of the man who abandoned her. Y/N's tied to him for eternity, stuck loving a man who decided to love someone else.

And then, just like that, something inside of her just snaps. Her facade fully crumbles, leaving her unable to mask what she's going through.  Y/N's eyes fill up with tears and she's unable to blink them away before they spill over the edge, sending tears rolling down her cheeks. And as she stood there, crying in the middle of the exhibit dedicated to Steven Grant Rogers, a depressing epiphany popped into her mind.

The shield was the last part of Steve that she had that wasn't tainted in some way, a piece of him that she could still bear to see. And Sam had just given it away, leaving her with nothing but memories that would haunt her.

-

"I watched your speech. You did really good, Y/N." Her therapist praises, giving her a soft smile. Y/N nods, twisting her wedding ring on her finger. She had decided to start wearing it again, even though her feelings about Steve were still conflicted. While a part of her thought that this meant she was healing, Y/N knew it was more likely tied to the fact that Sam had given up the shield.

"It-It felt good." Y/N replies, shifting in her seat. She had thought it was a subtle movement, but Dr. Raynor gave her a look. After a few months of court-ordered appointments, the therapist knew Y/N all too well and she sure as hell knew when Y/N wasn't telling the truth.

"Something is upsetting you. What happened?" The doctor questions, clicking her pen. Y/N dreaded the noise. It meant a longer session, more bandaids being ripped off in order to force the wounds into the light. It would mean she would return to her home a little colder, a little emptier.

"Nothing happened. It-I had a good day. A good week." Y/N tries to reassure her, even going as far as to give her what she thought was a honest smile. Dr. Raynor held up her pad of paper, making a show of slowly bring the pen down to the paper. Y/N's smile falls and she looks down at her hands, letting out a small sigh.

"He-Sam gave away the shield. He gave it away like it was nothing." The ex-hero announces, feeling like a scolded child. Raynor lowers her pen and paper, settling back into her seat.

"And you feel like he shouldn't have?"

"No. No, Steve-Steve chose him. Steve gave him the shield because he knew that Sam was good, that Sam could handle it. And-And Sam just gave it away." Y/N stammers, picking at a thread that was hanging off her shirt.

"You know, I think that is the first time you have said his name aloud." Raynor mentions, causing Y/N to stop her movements. The thread is caught between her fingers, pulled taut. The doctor continues, "You always refer to Steve as 'he' or 'him' or 'my husband'. You never say his name."

"I don't think I was ready to be around...Steve. Not that much." Y/N tries to shift the focus, shame filling her, her face feeling hot. She knows she has her reasons not to say his name, but she still felt terrible about not being able to say his name.

"But you still spoke at the opening of his exhibit. I'm sure everyone would more than understand why you couldn't. So why did you decide on speaking?" The therapist asks, taking down a couple notes of her pad of paper. Y/N stays silent for a moment, letting go of the thread to start twisting her ring again.

"I-I don't know. Rhodey asked me and I-I guess I thought I could do it. And the speech wasn't bad I just-I wasn't expecting Sam to give away the shield." Y/N responds, her voice soft. She feels so small, sitting here on this charcoal grey couch. Y/N almost felt...stupid for being so angry at Sam. It wasn't his fault at all and as Y/N said everything out loud, she felt like such an asshole.

"If you would've known that Sam wanted to give the shield away, would you have stopped him?" Dr. Raynor replies, leaning forward slightly as she takes a few notes. Y/N feels herself sinking into the couch.

"I don't know. I-I wish he would have just told me so that we could've talked about it." She answers, looking out of the window. Dark grey clouds filled the sky, blocking out a lot of the sunlight that wanted to shine down on the city. Y/N didn't know if she would have actually forced him to keep the shield. That wasn't on him to have hold on to hat chunk of vibranium. It was wrong for Steve to have thrown that all on Sam. What would be the alternative? For her to keep the shield? Y/N highly doubted that the United States government would allow that.

-

Y/N was watering her garden when her phone started to ring in her back pocket. She quickly moves to shut off the water hose before she slips the phone about her pocket. Sam's name and picture appears on her screen, making uneasiness fill her stomach. Y/N exhales through her noise loudly before answering it, holding the phone against her ears.

"Have you seen the news?" Sam asks, not even letting her get a single syllable out.

"No, I've been outside-What's going on, Sam?" Y/N questions, making her way to the house. Something was definitely wrong. Sam never called her unless it was for emergencies. if they did communicate, it was mainly through texting. Her heartbeat started to race, as did her thoughts. A million different scenarios filled her head, each one worse than the last.

"You need to turn on the news right now." Sam replies as she opens the back door, quickly crossing the kitchen and walking into the living room. Her hands are almost shaking as she picks up the remote, turning the television on. Luckily for her, the last thing she had been watching was the news. Unluckily for her, she was greeted with a man holding the shield-Steve's shield, dressed in what looked like an off-brand, shitty version of the Captain America suit.

Anger filled her body. It had been four days tops since Sam handled off the shield and already, they had found their 'new Captain America'. The man in question was smiling smugly in the ill-fitting suit, waving at the camera, holding onto his shield tightly. God, Y/N wanted to beat the shit of the man and every single person who had okayed this. She could only hear bits and pieces of the speech as the news replayed it, but even that bullshit was too much for her to handle. She muted the television, tossing the remote on the couch.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?" Y/N exclaims, her hands getting warm. The Avenger was unable to get to anything articulate as rage filled her. She quickly put the phone on speaker, setting the device down just in case her hands caught flame.

"I know. I know. It's fucking bullshit." Sam replies, sighing. Y/N paced in front of the television, trying to calm herself down before she burned a hole through her rug. On the screen, the fake Cap was talking about something, a saccharine smile spread across his face. Y/N wanted to take that God damn shield and smash his teeth in.

"That asshole has my husband's fucking shield. They-He isn't supposed to be Captain America, okay? It's just not-It's not theirs to give away." Y/N's voice cracks towards the end, tears filling her eyes. While she wasn't Steve's number one fan, she hated that they had already chose someone to take up his title. If Sam wasn't going to be Captain America, then no one should be Captain America.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I wouldn't have given away the shield if I would've known...I'm sorry." Sam murmurs over the phone. Y/N covers her face with her almost glowing hands as she tries to control her breathing, not able to respond to Sam’s apologies. Her sadness and anger quickly shifted into something else. 

Something inside of her switched on, something that she hadn't felt in a long time, not since she was a hero, back when she was an Avenger.

Y/N wanted to go to work.

------

Not A Team taglist (if you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know!)

@lady-elena-adeline​ @simonedk​ @hersilencedscreams​ @rqmanoff​

[morosemagick]

Listen, Before I Go | Finan x Reader One Shot

Welcome to my first one shot/first Reader!Fic.

Be gentle, I'm trash.

Warning: Major Character Death, (its sad, okay, idk what else to say.)

Words: 3847

Tagged:

@solinarimoon @lauwrite1225

You had seen many things in your life as a traveling healer. Wounds and illnesses alike, taking you from place to place wherever people may need you. Taking care of people was in your blood. Both your parents were healers, and you planned on using all they taught you to care for people around the world. And yet, when you met Uhtred of Bebbanburg and his crew of accident-prone warriors in the aftermath of the battle at Tettenhall, something inside you told you to stay. A feeling in your heart, telling you that no one will ever need you more than they would. Over the months that passed, that feeling proved true. You healed every cut, bruise, and battle wound they would come to acquire. Each wound healed was a bond growing stronger with each man in Uhtred’s service, including your lord himself.

Osferth, the first of the Coccham boys you healed. His kindness was always warming to the heart. Sihtric, who spoke often of his wife and joked about his desire to return to her in one piece. And of course, Finan, whose laugh made your heart skip a beat and smile did things to you that was certainly ungodly. They were your family, and you loved them all dearly.

And you would do whatever it took to save their lives.

Especially now, when they needed you most.

“Sihtric!” You scream out at the sight of him, bloody and broken. The snow falls thick and heavy around you, stained red with the Danish man’s blood and Osferth and Finan work together to lift him from the ground.

“We got him, Y/N, just go!” Finan yells out, and you nod okay. The storm is picking up and though the raiders that ambushed you are dead, none of you are out of the woods yet.

Up ahead is a cave. It’s cold and dark but it’s dry, and getting Sihtric out of the storm is your main priority.

“This way, to the cave!” You call out as you lead the men forward, being sure to check for any unfriendly creatures that might be hiding out from the storm inside. When the coast is clear, you wave the others on.

As carefully as they can, Osferth and Finan lower Sihtric to the ground. The injured warrior groaned as he touched the ground, “We need to make a fire.” Finan tells the rest of you.

“Did anyone see Lord Uhtred?” Osferth questions, making you and Finan glance at each other.

You shake your head no, and then Finan looks back to Osferth, “He must be with Lady Aethelflaed.”

“Should we look for them-”

“We can’t,” Finan cuts him off, sighing, “We must stick together, make a fire, and take care of Sihtric.”

“I will tend to Sihtric,” You tell them, “Go get what you need for a fire but please stay close, this storm is only getting worse, and finding your way back might get harder.”

Finan nods okay, and the two men leave as you bend down to check up on Sihtric. He’s breathing heavy but he’s still alert so that has you at ease. Checking his wound on his side, it doesn’t seem bad but it will definitely need stitching. His skin, however, is freezing to the touch and that makes you nervous, “That bad?” Sihtric chuckles the best he can, his eyes looking so very tired.

“Not at all, you needed stitches. That’s all,” You tell him as you look through the pouch tied to your belt.

“You are a bad liar, Y/N,” He huffs, looking up to the ceiling of the cave, “Tell me, please.”

Biting your lip, you sigh and glance away, “You're freezing, you need fire or you may get sick.”

“I could have told you that,” He laughs but the motion makes his side hurt and his laughter turns to a wince.

“You must rest, Sihtric, please,” You tell him as you find your needle and thread, “Eahlswith will not forgive you if you do not make it home in one piece, remember?”

“Ealhswith,” He smiles slightly, and then grunts as you start to clean the wound, “I miss her.”

“And you will see her soon, I promise,” Glancing up, you can see fear in Sihtrics eyes, and it breaks your heart, “I swear it, Sihtric.”

He only nods, and you continue to care for him in silence.

------------------------------------<3---------------------------------------

Time has passed, and the fire has been made, but it’s small and just barely enough to keep you all comfortable so to make up for the lack of heat you all huddle close to each other. You are to Sihtric’s left, Finan is to yours, and Osferth is on the other side of Sihtric. Sihtric’s wound was cleaned well but he is still very cold and you’re trying your best not to show how worried you are. As you take a deep breath, you let out a shiver and it shakes your whole body.

Noticing how cold you are, Finan scoots closer and wraps his arms around yours and holding it tight, “You alright, Y/N?”

You glance momentarily at Sihtric, who's currently half awake with his head on your shoulder and his eyes on the fire ahead of them, and then look back at Finan, “I am.”

It’s a lie. You’re terrified.

Terrified of losing your friends, of dying to the cold, but mostly you’re terrified of not being able to keep the oath you made to Lord Uhtred and yourself to keep them all safe. It’s killing you inside.

Sihtric is shivering to your right, his cold body against yours sending chills down your spine.

“Alright there, Sihtric?” You ask him, though you know the answer. Instead of staying strong, you can feel him shake his head no. His fear brings a tear to your eyes, “It’ll be okay.”

“It will not,” Sihtric whispers, making everyone else suddenly alert to how beaten he’s feeling.

“It will be, Sihtric, we will get out of this mess like we have every other mess Uhtred has gotten us into,” Finan tries to joke in an attempt to keep everyone’s spirit up.

“Uhtred isn’t even here,” Sihtric tells him, his head still rested on your shoulder, “We might never see him again. I might not-”

“We are getting out of here,” Osferth adds, “God will see us through this.”

“He is not my God, Osferth, he does not care if I live or die,” Sihtric argues.

None of you have seen him so defeated before.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” You tell Sihtric as you turn your body to face him, forcing him to lift his head up. You can tell it’s a struggle for him to hold himself up, and it’s hard for you to keep a calm expression. You grab Sihtric by his face and put on your best smile, but your eyes are still watering and the wind outside has made it so unbearably cold; so at this point, you don’t know if you have it in your heart to lie to him. So you don’t, “I know you are cold, and you hurt, but I will do whatever it takes to make sure you get home to Coccham. To your wife, and to your son.”

Sihtric nods okay, but his eyes tell another story as he starts to cry.

Past his shoulder, you can see Osferth is also looking mighty defeated as his own eyes start to get red, and behind you, Finan’s hand has gripped your cloak and tight.

And then, to make matters worse, the fire dies.

“Fucking bastard fire!” Finan growls loudly as he kicks the still hot wood with his foot, making soot spread, “Fuck!” His scream echoes throughout the cave as he gets up and stomps around in anger, and you look away from Sihtric as you start to cry, biting your lip in hopes of keeping your fear to yourself.

On the tips of your fingers, you feel Sihtric’s tears falling down.

“Finan, sit... please,” Osferth calls out, and you can hear his voice cracking, “Being angry will solve nothing.”

Sihtrics’ crying has worsened, and now they can all hear him.

You pull him closer to you, cuddling him like a child in your arms, trying your best to keep him warm. His sobbing is enough to shake you both, but you keep your grip on him strong. Osferth scoots his body closer to Sihtrics, putting his arm around his brother, and to your left, you can hear Finan return to his seat. After a moment or two, you can feel his arms wrap around your waist and hold you tight.

At least if you die, it will be next to those you love the most.

The four of you sit this way in silence for some time, the only things you can hear are Sihtric crying and the strong snowy winds blowing outside the cave. You have never been a very religious person, but at that moment you find yourself praying to every god you can think of to save the ones you love.

A moment later you hear Sihtric sniffle, and shuffle a bit in your arms before he sighs and speaks, “Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“Can you sing for us?” He asks, and you nod yes.

If you can bring him comfort now, in what very well might be his final hours, you will do whatever he wishes.

“Take me to the rooftop. I wanna see the world when I stop breathing. Turning blue,” You rest your cheek on top of Sihtric’s head, and your eyes glance away as you continue, “Tell me, love is endless, don't be so pretentious. Leave me, like you do. If you need me, wanna see me, better hurry 'Cause I'm leaving soon,” There's sniffling in the air as you sing, you can hear Osferth shuffling, probably to get closer to Sihtric, and you can feel Finan’s arms grip you tighter. “Sorry, can't save me now. Sorry, I don't know how. Sorry, there's no way out but down, mm down.”

You move your left hand down to where Finan is holding you tight, and he moves to grab it, squeezing it as best he can. His hand is lacking a glove, and yet you can feel his warmth.

You hold on to that feeling as you continue singing, “Taste me, the salty tears on my cheek. That's what a year-long headache does to you. I'm not okay, I feel so scattered, don't say I'm all that matters. Leave me. Deja vu. If you need me, wanna see me, you better hurry. I'm leaving soon,” Finan’s head is on your shoulder, you can feel his breath on your neck. It makes you think of all the times you should’ve kissed him. You should have told him. Probably too late for that now, though, “Sorry, can't save me now. Sorry, I don't know how. Sorry, there's no way out, but down, mm down. Write my friends and tell them that I love them. And I'll miss them... but I'm not sorry. Write my friends and tell them that I love them, and I'll miss them…”

Sorry.

------------------------------------<3---------------------------------------

The men have been asleep for some now, but you’re still awake. You have been staring at Sihtric all night, watching his chest rise and fall. Making sure his chest still rises and falls. A couple of times you’ve even put your fingers to his lips to make certain that he’s still breathing. Anything to make sure he’ll survive through the night. On the other side of him, Osferth is sound asleep, you can hear the man snore just slightly, and see him cuddled against Sihtric’s side.

The inside of this cave is freezing but you know it’s better than being out in the storm.

“Y/N?” You hear Finan whisper, “Are you up?”

“I am,” You whisper back, your fingers hovering just above Sihtric’s lips. Still breathing, good. You roll over slowly to not wake him, and when you are facing Finan, you sigh, “He is still alive, thank God.”

“Do you think he’ll make it?” Finan asks quietly, his eyes a red mess.

You shrug, not wanting to lie right now, “I do not know, Finan,” You shake your head, and the tears are building in your eyes again and your next words barely make it out, “I fear the worst.”

The tears fall down your cheeks and you try your best to not cry too loudly because you fear waking them more than you do crying in front of the man who’s stolen your heart. Finan reaches out to hold you by your cheeks and you can feel how warm he is still, it’s not much but enough to feel wonderful against your cold face as you cry. He shuffles his body closer to you, and you can feel his breath on your face as you open your eyes.

You don’t want to die without him knowing how he makes you feel. How he makes your heart flutter. How he fills you with so much life.

How loved he makes you feel.

“Finan- I need to tell you something,” You get yourself ready to say the words, but he stops you with his finger on your lips.

“Tell me in the morning, Y/N,” He’s smiling, but his eyes are red and full of tears.

“But what if we don’t make it to morning?” Your voice cracks, and instead of answering Finan leans in and kisses you. It’s warm and delicious, and you want to kick yourself that it’s only happening now when you might not live to see another day because your body is cold but kissing Finan now fills your soul with so much warmth.

Perhaps this wouldn’t be a terrible way to die.

The two of you stay like that for a while, and you're trying your best to etch every inch of him into your mind as he pulls you in closer by the way to deepen the kiss. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted. It’s like coming home, and when you finally break apart the content smile on his face says he feels the same.

Finan leans back in, kissing your face over and over again. Making sure to kiss away all the tears that have stained your cheeks and then finding his way to your neck, “If I didn’t fear waking them, I’d pull my cock from my trousers and warm you with that.”

You try to bite your lip to contain your laughter, but a snicker comes out anyway, “I’m sure that is that last thing either of them would like to see now.”

“Aye, but what a sight it would be,” He smirks, leaning in for another kiss, “But If I’m going to bed you, Y/N, it will be properly I swear it.”

“I will hold you to that,” You tell him with another kiss, and as you move to separate you can see the expression on his face shift and the mood become more somber, "We should try to sleep. We need our energy."

"You sleep, I'll keep watch," Finan tells you, kissing your forehead.

"Nothing is going to hurt us here but the cold," You try to tell him, "Please try to sleep, Finan."

"I will, Y/N, let me just hold you for a while," Finan nods for you to turn around and you comply, and a moment later his arms are around your waist again and he's kissing behind your ear. Then, barely a whisper and more like wind, you can hear him say something in your ear, "Tá grá agam duit."

It's the last thing you hear before you fall asleep.

------------------------------------<3---------------------------------------

You wake from your sleep in a cold sweat, your heart racing as you rise quickly from the ground. The first thing you do is turn your body to your right to check on Sihtric, and to your surprise you find him sitting up and wide awake.

It brings tears to your eyes.

"Oh thank God," You can't help but say at the sight of him.

Sihtric smiles slightly. He looks tired, but he's alive and that's all the matters, "Good morning, Y/N."

"How are you feeling?" You ask as you lean over to put the back of your hand on his forehead. He's warmer than he was last night, which is a good sign, "Warmer? Is your wound okay?"

"Looks like you did it again, Y/N," Osferth calls out as he enters the cave with firewood in his hand, "Told you you’d be okay." Osferth drops the wood where the original fire once sat and then walks over to Sihtric and ruffles his hair, "Lord Uhtred will be pleased."

You chuckle, wiping your face of tears, and then suddenly you remember last night and Finan.

With a smile still on your face you turn to your left, where you can see his body still lying there, "Finan, it's morning-" the moment you put your hand on him your smile fades and your heart drops as you notice something very important. His fur cloak isn't on his body, but on yours and Finan is cold, "Finan?" You shake his shoulder as you call his name, the frantic sound of your voice getting the other’s attention, "Finan!"

Osferth rushes to your side just as you turn him on his back, and you place your fingers to his lips and can barely feel a thing. Osferth, however, has his hand on Finan’s forehead, "He's burning up."

"I cannot feel his breath," You tell Osferth as the tears hit you quick, and your breathing is all over the place, "Finan, come on, please-" you start to pump at his chest to get his heart moving, breathing into his mouth to help him get air. You do both this over and over again, trying not to let the sobbing stop you, "Come on, Finan, please!"

"Y/N?" You can hear Sihtric's voice question you from where he sits, the sound of fear clear.

You keep going, refusing to give up on him. Thinking about the other night.

You still haven't told him-

"Y/N," Osferth calls to you, but you do not stop, "Y/N," He tries pulling you away, but you keep going, and going, but now Osferth is pulling a little harder, "Y/N, please-"

And just as Osferth is about to tell you to stop, Finan starts to gasp for air and your heart can beat again, "God, thank you," you cry as you pull Finan close to you, taking off the cloak he gave you in the night and putting it back around his body. He's breathing lightly, but he's breathing so that's good enough for now, "You're okay, Finan, you're okay." He lifts his hand up to grab yours and you place a kiss on the top of his head.

“It seems your God is with us, Osferth,” Sihtric chuckles from behind them, making you and Osferth look back at him with a smile.

“We need to get out of this cave,” Osferth smiles, patting your shoulder as he rises to his feet.

“Why, when you’ve seemed to have made it home?” The voice from behind you has you all turning heads, a shocked and pleased look on your faces when you see Lord Uhtred has found you, “Y/N, what have you done to my men? They look awful.”

You laugh in relief at the sight of him. It seems all the Gods have heard your prayer.

------------------------------------<3---------------------------------------

You all get home to Coccham in one piece, and you’ve never been happier to see your little home in your whole life. They leave Finan with you so you can watch him recover, and you do not mind giving the Irishman your bed. It’ll take him a few days to heal, and after everything that has happened, you’d prefer to keep a close watch on him. Sihtric and Ealhswith stop by to visit, partially so you check on Sihtric and partially so Ealthswith can thank you with meals for bringing her husband home.

Osferth and Lord Uhtred stop by as well. Finan isn’t always awake so they usually sit by his side for a while. Osferth prays and you think Uhtred might too.

You are cooking dinner one evening when you hear movement in your bedroom, and the sound of something falling over. You immediately rush to the other room to find that Finan is trying to sit up, and has knocked a cup of water to the floor.

“What do you think you're doing?” You giggle as he leans back down, feeling grateful to see him awake.

“If you wanted me in your bed, Y/N, you only needed to ask,” Finan jokes as you walk closer to him, sitting at the edge of the bed, “What happened?”

“You’re a fool, that’s what happened,” You tell him as you put your hand to his forehead and he is no longer burning, which is good, “You had a fever, almost froze to death,” Your smile fades as you take a deep breath, “I thought I lost you for a moment…”

“A fever?” He questioned, looking generally lost, “I don’t remember a fever,” He reaches out and takes your hand, gently rubbing your knuckles, “But I do remember some things. You were going to tell me something, were you not?”

You smile and lean down to kiss his forehead, “I’ll tell you when you're out of this bed.”

Finan laughs, using his other hand to reach out and hold you close from your neck, “Will you now?”

“You have promises you have to make good on first,” Your smirk as you lean in closer.

“Oh and I plan on making good of them, Y/N,” Finan tells you in a low voice that makes you squirm.

You chuckle as you lean in even closer, “God is good.”

“Aye,” He smirks as he hovers over your lips, “Praise him.”

Oh, you do. You thank him later that night in bed as you ride him and Finan makes good on his promise to warm you. A bed that Finan ends up never leaving and now you share together. You praise him on your wedding day, and multiple times on your wedding night. You praise him a few months later when you find yourself pregnant with your firstborn, and again when you give birth to your first son. You thank God for every child you have after, and every moment with this family of yours; made and found, that you decided to stay in Coccham and make it your home.

You thank God, all the Gods, for every moment they bless you with.

Even once your husband passes on.

And one day, when you're old, tired, and lying in the grass surrounded by the ones you love most you thank him one last time; before you go, for blessing you with such a life.

Grateful to go out under the heat sun, taking in the world one last time.

[sckyie]

song: driver’s license by olivia rodrigo

word count: 2.5k

genre + warnings: angst; swearing, fear of driving, reminiscing in old memories

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: this was orignially supposed to just be an imagine inspired by the song, not apart of the song series but it fits too well to not change oikawa’s song. i also wrote this for @kybabi​​ bc i love her :D n e wayz enjoy :) (part 2)

"So here you're going to turn and he'll make you do a parallel park in the street. You remember how to do that right?" Oikawa asked as he guided you to the next turn. As you turn the steering wheel, you spot a crowded curbside.

"No, can you please please park for me? I hate parallel parking," You pleaded.

"Only because you asked so nicely," He teased.

Ever since you told your best friend that you wanted to learn how to drive, Oikawa never let it go whenever you wanted to hang out. Having you drive him around for practice and giving you tips as you went. He's helped you a ton while you drove around, the only issues you had were parallel parking and merging onto the highway.

"Maybe we should try the highway again," Oikawa said after you two switched seats.

"Are you asking for a death wish?" You joked. "I drive too slow and I'm scare to merge into lanes."

"We can practice on smaller freeways if you want," He asks.

"No," You growled.

It was always a terrifying thing to drive on the highway. You always saw those horrid accidents and feared being in one. Oikawa would always put his hand on your thigh as you merged to calm you down. Just having him be there was enough to get you to get onto the highway. All your fears just faded with him beside you.

Just having this intimate driving lesson with him was enough for you. You grew to fall in love in your best friend. A cliché thing, yet you couldn't say anything. Only you and your girl friends knew about your big crush. It was a funny thing, falling for your childhood best friend. Iwaizumi always joked about you doing so but you never admitted to liking Oikawa. What would that do to your friendship?

Today was the day, it was your test day. The scariest thing you anticipated was finally here. The thing you practiced days on end with Oikawa. The thing that could either make or break you. Today, you'd either come out with your license or you'll be walking home.

The nerves crept up your body like spiders leaving a trail of anxiety webs. You bounced you leg as you waited in the lobby looking out for your driving instructor. As your sweaty palms go to check the time, you notice a text message from Oikawa.

butthead: hey! good luck on your test today!

That's what cooled you down. A simple saying of good fortune will help, right? Sure enough, the test was a breeze, minus the parallel parking as it was the one mistake you got. You happily drove home to tell the news to your parents.

"Have you told Tooru yet?" Your mom asked.

"I'll wait until my actual driver license to prove to him I got it," You smiled.

"You like him don't you?" Your mom gestured to the joy on your face. "I can tell."

"No," You looked away from your mom as she raised her eyebrow. "Okay, maybe but you can't say anything. I'm going to my room now." She chuckled as you dragged you feet to your room.

Two weeks passes and you finally received your license in the mail. You smiled happily down at your new card as you walked outside the school building. You looked up to search for your best friend. Your eyes scanned the courtyard before landing on Iwaizumi. Assuming Oikawa was nearby, you headed towards him.

"Hey Iwa, where's Oiks?" You asked. Iwaizumi raised up his hand and pointed across to the gate. You looked over to find Oikawa talking to Kasumi, a classmate of yours.

"He's asking her to go on a date with him again," Iwaizumi says.

Again? He's done it before?

"Are they dating?" You ask.

"Not yet, Oikawa wants to ask her to be his girlfriend on the date," Iwa explains. "What's that?" He points to your hands as you fiddled with the corner of your driver's license.

"Oh," You said solemnly. "I got my license."

You waved goodbye to your childhood friend before going into he parking lot. Without thinking, you started the car and just began to drive. Out of the school and onto who knows where. Your mind grew blank as you drove.

How could he not mention Kasumi to you? He used to tell you everything but lately he'd been so distant. Maybe that's why he hasn't texted you all week, you thought. Who could blame him for liking Kasumi? She's so pretty and not to mention how smart she is. She's the class representative and she's one of the nicest girls around.

You fell for the one man you shouldn't have. It was too late to even confess how you felt. He was already falling for another while you were left behind. You felt a sharp pain in your chest as you drove by familiar buildings.

The laundromat where you and Oikawa would go to help with the laundry. You both would end up messing around and your parents would have to kick you two out. You and Oikawa would go across the street to the convenience store to buy steamed buns.

He doesn't like you.

The library where you would wait for Oikawa to finish practice so you two could study together. He'd bring you a bottle of tea and some sort of snack to keep you from burning out. Those study dates where you'd stay until the library was closed.

Give up, stop thinking of him.

The ramen restaurant where Oikawa would take you if he won a game. It was a great celebration and you two had made so many memories there. You two had gone there so often, he convinced the owner that you were his girlfriend.

Let him go.

All the feelings you had for him began to ache in your heart as you reminisced in the memories. You gripped tighter on the wheel as you saw an highway exit. "Fuck," You whispered as you merged into the fast lane. Suddenly all those fears you had of driving, just disappeared. You felt this peace as your eyes locked on the long highway. It was like, nothing hurt anymore. Your tensed shoulders relaxed, yet you felt tears roll down your cheeks. You took deep breaths as you drove attempting to stop your tears.

Soon enough, driving on the highway had shifted from a phobia to an escape. Everyday after school, rather than meeting up with Oikawa and Iwaizumi before practice, you'd drive on the highway and on backroads. It was the only thing that kept you sane when you see Kasumi with Oikawa together.

You became accustomed to the fast pace of the highways. Occasionally you'd speed if you felt some type of pain grow in your chest. You'd blast music to drown out any thoughts or feelings you had. You knew Oikawa could never be yours, so why bother crying over him, right? The thought of being around him began to make you uncomfortable. If you kept your distance, you wouldn't get hurt. You wouldn't be considered a distraction.

butthead: hey?

you: what's up?

butthead: it's been a while since i've seen you :( i miss my best friend

you: are you sure you mean to text me or iwa?

butthead: you, y/n i miss hanging with you

butthead: you didn't come to the restaurant after our game

you: i was busy, sorry

butthead: :(

you: i gotta go, ill talk to you later

Oikawa sighed at his phone and looked across the table to Iwaizumi. "Have you talked to Y/n lately?" He asked.

"Yeah, she borrowed gas money from me," Iwa says before slurping his noodles.

"Gas money? She got her license?" Oikawa tilts his head. "How long has it been?"

"A month? You got caught up with Kasumi," Iwaizumi says.

"Hmph," Oikawa huffed as he sipped his drink. He'd been spending so much time with Kasumi that he forgot about you. Or was it, you started to forget about him? He glances at the window behind Iwa and noticed a familiar car parking.

You parked your car across the street of the restaurant next to a convenience store. You quickly got out and went into the store looking for something to drink. As you began to scan the fridge, you heard the door open. "Y/n?" You turned to find Oikawa.

"What are you doing here?" You turned back to grab a soda.

"Iwa came to eat with me since you didn't make it," Oikawa says. "He's still there, did you want to join us?"

"No thanks, I'm kinda busy at the moment," You say dully. Oikawa goes to speak but you had already walked to go pay for your drink. "Later Oikawa."

"Oikawa?" He watched as you left the store and into your car. He follows suit and watched you speed off. Oikawa quickly makes his way back to the restaurant and seats himself disgruntled. "Y/n called me Oikawa..."

"That's your name isn't it?" Iwaizumi raised his eyebrow.

"She always calls me Oiks or Ru, never Oikawa," He says. "Did I do something wrong?"

Iwaizumi shrugged even though he knew the answer well enough. After Oikawa had asked Kasumi to be his girlfriend, your demeanor had changed. Iwa was the first to notice too. Typically, after school you'd see the duo before practice started, yet since you learnt Oikawa had eyes for another, you stopped.

One day, Iwaizumi decided to follow after you when school was over. He trailed behind as you walked to your car door. You pulled open the door handle only for Iwa to shut the door immediately after. You turned to find Iwaizumi with scrunched eyebrows. "What's wrong with you?" He asked. "Why haven't you came by before practice?"

"No reason, I'm just busy," You lied.

"Liar, what's wrong?" He asks yet you remained silent. "I won't tell Shittykawa just tell me why you're being so distant...and also why your eyes are always puffy."

You paused before answering, "I'm just...upset with Oikawa...and Kasumi.."

"Do you..?" Iwaizumi implied. You nod and looked at the ground. "What have you been doing since you found out about them?"

"Driving," You sighed. "Just driving...It's keep me off my mind all week. I bear the fact that he looks so happy with her and not...me. God I'm so stupid."

"Don't say that-" Iwa started but you immediately lashed out.

"It's true! I was too late to confess! And I fell for the one boy I can't have!" You felt tears well up in your eyes. "I can't even drive by certain places without getting upset. I take backroads and I avoid them completely. I hate driving by his house but it's the only way to my own. He just treats me like another fucking fan girl! I'm just so stupid for falling for my best friend." Since that day, Iwaizumi kept to his promise. Not word about your feelings were said to Oikawa.

butthead: hey are you busy right now ?

you: no, what's up?

butthead: can you help me with something?

you: depends

butthead: meet me at the library so i can tell you more :)

You locked you phone and tossed it into your passenger's seat. You looked up to see the light change to green, allowing you to speed into the highway. Your hands rested at the bottom of the wheel as you drove. The slow, lo-fi music surrounded your car as you drove which let you get out of your trapped mind.

It was a crazy thought to think that you and Oikawa were so excited to drive together. Yet now all you want to do is drive alone. You turned up the volume of your music as you merged into your neighborhood. You leaned further back into your seat as you were driving around the suburbs. You glance at the white cars lining one street leading to the library. You scoffed at the sight as a repressed memory resurfaced.

"Why do you like white cars so much?" You chuckled.

"Because they look clean and nice? Sorry I don't like your basic silver car," Oikawa raised his hand to block your face.

"I'm basic? Says the one who wants an automatic," You pretend to throw up to mock him.

"For someone who can't drive yet, you talk big," Oikawa pats your head only to be smacked a few seconds late. Oikawa drapes his arm over you as you walked down the street to the library The entire walk was filled with mocking and talking about the future. "Let me teach you how to drive, that way we could go out together more."

You finally arrived at the library, spotting Oikawa before parking the car. He watches as you easily parallel park and is stunned by how casual you are as you drove. You set out and approach him. Oikawa holds out a snack to you but you politely refuse.

"Let's go inside?" He asks. You shrugged and followed him in. Rather than sitting beside him like usual, you sat across from him. You still had those feelings for him but you couldn't stand sitting next to him. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you anticipated his next words. "I was wondering if you could help me with Kasumi?"

Ouch.

"With what?" You ask.

"I want to give her a gift, right?" He starts. "A gift that goes along with me telling her I love her."

He loves her?

Your heart aches but you decide to move past that. "Isn't it a bit early to say I love you?"

"Well, we were long time friends before we started dating and I feel like it's the right time to, y'know?" Oikawa leans forward on the table. "Can you help me find a gift?"

This feels familiar. Helping him find a gift for a girl that isn't you. It seems like anytime he does have a crush he'd come to you for advice. This is the first time that you didn't want to give into his favors.

"No," You sighed.

"No? Wait why not?" He raised his eyebrows at you.

"Because," Say it. "Because I-"

"Because?" Oikawa tilts his head at your response.

"Because I can't keep doing things like this for you," You stood up and began heading for the entrance. Oikawa followed afterwards as he could see the pain in your voice.

"Y/n, talk to me, we haven't talked in forever. Tell me what's wrong," He says as you exit the library. You ignore his voice and reached for your car door. He grabs your arm but you shove him off.

"Would you just- leave me alone?" You snapped. "I don't want to help you, okay?"

"What did I do?" Oikawa was beyond confused at your response.

"I- You- Ugh! Just go away, I don't want to see you!" Your voice cracked as the suppressed feelings began to rise again.

"Why not!" Oikawa grabbed your arm again, this time you weren't able to break free.

"Because I fucking loved you idiot!" You yelled. Hot tears streamed down your cheeks as you stopped struggling in his hold. Oikawa paused and stared at you in wonder.

"You...loved me?" He asked.

"I still fucking love you! God, I hate you- I just- Let go!" You pulled off him. "I'm leaving. If you try to stop me, I'm never speaking to you again." You wiped your tears as you entered your car. Driving off into the neighborhood, crying at the red lights knowing you could've ruined your whole friendship.

Oikawa watched as you sped off. Those words lingered in his ear as he stared down at his hand where you let go. His mind was lost in thought, how could his best friend love him? Was he that blind that he couldn't see your admiration? "She...loves me?" He thought.

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme​ @d0llpie​ @elianetsantana @joy-laufeyson @kac-chowsballs

[maplecornia]

chapter 26

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 1.85K

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst | bts x female!reader | ot7

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: i don't think i'll ever get over how hot Namjoon is ;-;

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language

tags: @kookaine | @fangirl125reader | @kookiebbyxx | @taradevonne | @rae-bear |@mangminnie | @pixiekooo

You groan as you lean against the pillar near the entrance to the BigHit building.

Last night, when Taehyung walked you back to your apartment, you didn't sleep very well. Turning to glare at your rather disheveled reflection in the mirror, you let out another groan.

Why did he have to show up? You were perfectly fine, things were perfectly normal, and then he had to screw up your heart all over again. Letting out a small scream, you throw a 3-second fit before leaning your back against the clear glass wall.

Sooner or later, you're going to have to go in.

Why can't it be later?

Letting out a guttural growl, you pull yourself off of the glass and head inside the building, stomping like a little two-year-old. You really don't want to see him today, you're afraid of what will happen if you do.

You don't want to fall.

Please God, don't let me fall.

Entering the building, you feel a bit more comfortable, not so out of place. Now, you have a purpose, a plan; a reason for being here. Smiling softly to yourself, you walk forward, this time nothing in your way. As you reach the receptionist's desk, you smile as you recognize Jojo behind it.

Playing coy, you knock twice on the desk before glancing away and holding your head in your hands. She glances up, ready to greet the newcomer but as soon as she sees your face, she breaks into a grin.

"Ah~ it's the snoozer, early today I see." You frown at the nickname but when she smirks your way, you can't help but grin like a giddy child. It feels good to have friends or at least the beginning relationships of one.

"I told you, the time was wrong." You pout, flopping on the desk and she laughs before preparing the schedule you need for Namjoon today.

"Mmhmm, and what happened yesterday? Was Mr. Kim too tired of waiting and told you to stay at home?" The mention of yesterday causes your grin to fade a little. With it comes the memory of Taehyung, and he starts to reenter your mind. Pulling yourself off the desk, you smile weakly, shaking your head.

"No, I had an injury, Namjoon wouldn't let me come in." She blinks a bit in surprise at the informal way you address him.

"'Namjoon?' Huh, I didn't think the two of you were that close. You only met once after all." She mumbles before typing something into her computer. Realizing your mistake you let out a small gasp.

"Oh, I'm sorry. He told me to call him without honorifics, I suppose it slipped my mind." You look away from her, a bit embarrassed, but as soon as she presses the print button, she chuckles.

"Don't worry, Yen. I was just joking." When you don't look at her, she sighs a bit before lightly knocking on your head. Surprised, you rub your forehead and pout as you meet her gaze once more. Smiling, she pays no mind, presenting you with an ID badge. Your eyes widen as you see it, and you take it from her waiting fingertips.

"Is this mine? I didn't think they'd process it so fast."

"Of course it's yours, whose else would it be?" Jojo chuckles, leaning over the counter and pointing to your name. "See? Lin Yen."

You bite your bottom lip, trying to suppress your grin. Somehow, this makes things all the more real, you can't help your delight at the sight. Jojo catches sight of the cute expression and can't help but laugh as she pulls away.

"Now hurry up, the schedule is all ready for the day. Don't forget to check in with the head manager, you remember his name right?" She reminds you, making you pause for a moment before you run off.

"Of course, it's Kim Sejin. Everyone knows that." She smiles at the coy response and waves you away.

"Okay, hurry up and go then. I'm sure Mr. Kim is waiting for you." You bow to her before taking off, a small bounce to your footsteps.

Walking through the halls without Namjoon is a bit scary, but exciting at the same time. You can't help but love the butterflies coursing through your stomach, and is it weird that you kind of want to barf and dance at the same time? Everything is so exciting and new, it's as though the world has been painted a different color.

You try your hardest to forget everything, just live in the moment as of right now. No more worries about the past. About your friends. About your mom. About Taehyung. Right now, you need to focus on yourself.

And this job seems like the perfect escape for that.

Humming slightly to yourself you do a little twirl in the hallway before turning the corner...

...and bumping right into Kim Namjoon.

You let out a small shriek, stumbling back, your body shrinking into a small protective ball like it normally does. It's a little defense mechanism you've acquired over the years. Your eyes closing themselves tightly, you don't realize who you've bumped into until he takes you by the shoulders and catches you mid-air.

Blinking as he rights you, you look up and find yourself face to face with your boss.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice coated with worry, and you chuckle a bit nodding sheepishly.

"Yes, I'm sorry I should've been paying attention to where I was going." You reply, stepping back from him. Though he sighs in relief as he releases you, you find that there’s a heavy cloud hanging over his head. He’s not fully there with you, lost in some unforgotten thought. Furrowing your brow in confusion, you wonder what happened to make him look that way. You open your mouth to ask him about it, but he's already speaking, and your words fall on deaf ears.

"It's a good thing that I bumped into you." You tilt your head in expectation, curious to what he's about to say next. "I needed to talk to you."

"But your schedule isn't ready yet--"

"That can wait."

You open your mouth to protest, but he's already taken you by the hand and is dragging you down the hallways.

Even though you cry out incomprehensible questions and sounds of alarm behind him, he can't seem to hear you. He doesn't want to hear you. His mind is too cluttered with the events of yesterday.

The outlandish plan that BangPD has in store for you.

-

"Why her?" He asks, his hands clenching tightly at his sides.

After the meeting, BangPD requested to meet privately with Namjoon, after all, he was the leader and one of the people that Sihyuk trusts the most. It didn't matter to RM anyway, he needed to talk to Sihyuk as well, and if it had to be on his terms then so be it.

Bang Sihyuk glances outside at the setting sun, casting shadows throughout his office. Serene and insoluble, shadows meant to conceal that which he would rather keep inside. He sighs before answering, his hands secured behind his back as he stands before the massive glass window.

"You know, BTS wouldn't have existed without you. If I had never come across you that day, if I had never been inspired to create a group that will strengthen and invigorate your music, we would have never gotten here." Namjoon glances at him in frustration. He hates when people beat around the bush, but his respect and humility won't allow him to speak out against his senior.

"It's the same with her."

Bang Sihyuk reaches out and taps on the window before letting out a soft chuckle.

"Did you know that glass is so easily broken? That is, when it's on its own. But when you fortify it, when you strengthen it with multiple pieces, then it becomes indestructible." Turning around to face Namjoon, he smiles.

"Almost Bulletproof."

Biting his bottom lip, Namjoon remains silent as he watches BangPD walk to his desk and sit down. He raises his brow when Namjoon remains standing, but when it's clear that he has no intention to make himself at home, he merely sighs.

"She auditioned before, you know. For the BE:LIFT project, for Source Music, she even auditioned for Plus Global." Namjoon balks at that. This is new information to him. He knew that it was her dream to be a singer, but never did he know that she wanted to be an idol. Especially since she's a foreigner, that would be near to impossible. "I didn't accept her."

"Why?"

"I didn't want to share her."

At the explanation, Namjoon turns away, running his hand across his face in frustration. This is much more complicated than he thought. Somehow, she's been connected to the company for the longest time. Not just through Jaejin, not through him himself, not even through Jungkook or Taehyung. Before any of them had a chance to see her potential, she's been on the mind of their former CEO since she auditioned 5 years ago. For a program, she would never be able to succeed in.

"I have been planning this for a while, Namjoon."

He's unwilling to accept it, he can't accept it.

"She's the missing piece."

-

At the thought, his hand clenches subconsciously around yours.

He can't stand the thought of you disappearing far from his reach.

And yet, almost against his will, he finds himself bringing you to the very fate that will keep you from him.

Perhaps forever.

He pauses when the door comes into his line of vision. Almost as though he were afraid of what lies behind that very same door. Mrs. Kwon looks up from her desk as the two of you enter the small lobby, and presses a button on her phone before muttering incomprehensible words to a person on the other line.

Out of breath, you place your hand on your chest before looking up at him. At the sight of his set jaw, and stony eyes, you can't help but feel a bit worried.

What exactly happened to make him look that way?

Once more, you open your mouth to speak to him, but Mrs. Kwon interrupts and you look at her in surprise, not noticing she was there.

"You may go in."

Confused, you turn to Namjoon, but all he does is give a nod to the secretary before stepping towards a massive oak door. Curious, you peer around him to glance at it, not quite aware of your surroundings. There's a small plaque on the door, one that reads the name of the person residing within in perfect neat letters.

방시혁

Bang Sihyuk.

Your heart stopping in your chest, you freeze halfway to the door, your hand slipping out of Namjoon's.

"Namjoon, why are we here?" you try to keep the fear, the anxiety, the worry out of your voice, but the efforts are futile. He swallows hard, steadying himself before turning to you, his warm eyes soft and apologetic.

"He wanted to meet you."

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: you can probably guess what will happen next, but nonetheless i'm exciiiited

chapter 27 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

[marchtomydrums]

In the beginning 6

Alex Cabot X Casey Novak X Reader

Alex’s POV:

Today has been extremely long and I’m ready to go home. Walking into my office I see you sitting on the couch crying.

“Y/n? What’s wrong?” Your headshot up at my voice quickly drying your tears.

“Alex, sorry I thought you’d be in court. I just came in here for privacy.” You stuttered.

“Why are crying?” I ask sitting across from you holding your hands in mine. You shake your head “Jack fucking railed my ass today. He doesn’t think I’m cut out for this.”

Anger spikes in my body. How dare he? Seeing you hurt and crying because of his words pissed me off.

“I’ll kill him.”

“No Alex, I have to deal with this on my own.”

“But he’s wrong. He doesn’t see you every day as I do. You can do this y/n. He’s full of shit.”

You chuckle at my words squeezing my hands.

“Well, I appreciate that Alex but again I have to do this on my own. I just came in here to be alone. They’re vultures out there.”

“Yes, I’m all too aware. Either way, don’t let Jack or anyone else cause you to doubt yourself. Take it in stride and keep fighting. Understand me?”

“Yes. Thank you.” You lean in to hug me and I kiss the top of your head. As you pull back I can’t stop myself from taking your lips into mine. I don’t stop until my lungs burn for air regretfully I pull away. You lean your forehead against mine our breath mingling together. You stayed like that for a while until you calmed down.

“ Sorry.” You mumbled quietly to me as if you were embarrassed.

“It’s okay. We all have bad days.” I tell you.

“What time is it?”

“7:30 why?”

“Shit! I missed the bus. I’ll have to wait for the one at 9.”

“I can take you home or you can come back to the house with me.”

“I would but I have an appointment tomorrow and the office is closer to my apartment.”

“Okay, well I’ll drive you home.”

“It’s out of your way. I’ll be fine.”

“You think I’d leave you here?” I ask you.

“Get your stuff, I’ll drive you home.”

The drive there is quiet. I keep looking between you and the road trying to see if I can read your expressions. As we pull up I notice it’s not a very good neighborhood.

“This is where you live?”

“Yes.”

I put the car in park as you quickly lean over to peck my cheek and try to exit the car.

“Wait!” I say tugging your arm. You stop to look at me.

“Can I come up?”

“Do you want to?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know. This place doesn’t really seem like your scene.”

I chuckle “let’s go up.”

Walking into the apartment I notice how small it is. The layout is similar to a studio and I’m sure you pay an arm and a leg for it.

“Well, this is it?”

I take a minute to look around. Even though it’s small you’ve made it cozy. My eyes are drawn to the photos on the wall.

“These are beautiful.”

“Thanks.”

I stop to see the blush across your face.

“Wait. Did you take these?”

“Yeah. “

“Y/n these are really good.”

“It’s just a hobby.”

I smile at you as I continue to look around.

“You have a nice book collection. You read a lot?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too. This your siblings?” I question holding the framed picture.

“Yeah, two sisters and my brother.”

“You close?”

“Yeah. But I don’t really see them much since I moved.” You say sadly.

“Umm, you should go. Casey is probably wondering where you are.”

“Casey’s visiting her mom tonight. I already told her where I was. She said she was going to call you later on.”

“Oh.”

“But if you want me to leave I can.”

“No.! I just I don’t know Alex, I don’t know how to do this with you.”

“Do what?”

“This! I mean one minute your nice and you want to spend time with me and the next you’re tearing my head off. I don’t know what to do here.”

I’m quiet for a minute processing what you just said. Mentally kicking myself for making you feel this way. Why can’t I just open up to you? Why do I feel like I need to be on guard all the time? I look over to see you watching me.

“I’m sorry. I’m trying. That’s why I came up here. I want to know more about you. I want to have what you and Casey have. I keep fucking it up.” I breathe out heavily.

“Alex, you don’t have to try so hard. I get being guarded but like I’ve said before I won’t make Casey choose. You really need to figure out what you want.”

“I want you.”

“Well, your actions speak louder than your words Alex,” you tell me as you're about to walk off. I grab your arm stopping your escape leaning in to kiss you gently on the lips.

“I want you,” I whisper against your lips. I can feel your smile.

“Let's watch a movie. And ill stay the night if that's okay.” I ask you trying to prove to you that I want this to work. You nod your head yes and we do just that. As much as id love to touch you and kiss I refrain. I want you to be ready and sure before we do anything. I want to be able to love you the way Casey loves you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today has been rather quiet around the office much to your surprise. Alex has you copying some documents and running flies from here to there. You're about to head back to your desk when you see Casey standing across the room. You walk up beside her and lean over to see what she's looking at. There's a girl in Alex’s office, she is young and pretty. The two are laughing as they talk oblivious to the world around them.

“Whose that?”

“Emma something, she wants a job here.”

“And flirting with Alex is going to help her to get it?” I ask Casey jealousy evident in my voice.

Casey chuckles “I guess she thinks so.”

“Hmmph.”

“Yup. I'm just watching.”

The two of you watched as Alex and Emma talked. Emma must be a comedian the way Alex is laughing. You roll your eyes at the laughter that rolls out of Alex’s chest. Casey seems indifferent about it until the girl's hand is on Alex’s shoulder. Her body tenses up for a moment.

“You know if she gets this job she’ll be

Alex’s right-hand man. You will answer to both of them. “

“So you're telling me I not only work for the Ice Queen but Malibu Barbie as well?”

Casey laughs “that's a good one! We should call her that.”

You roll your eyes at Casey as Alex and Emma are walking out of the office. You both smile at the girl as she walks by before making a beeline to Alex’s office.

“Can I help you two or do you just like watching me work?” Alex asked looking between the two of you.

“Does she work here now?” you asked sharply. Alex is taken back by your attitude and is quiet for a minute.

“Yes, she does. She starts tomorrow.”

“Hmmph. “

“Is there a problem?”

“Nope. Not at all. Do you need me?”

“Uhh no. You can take lunch if you want. I figured the three of us would go out.” Alex says looking at Casey for some sort of explanation.

“I’m actually meeting my brother he's in the city for two days. So I'll see y'all later,” you say walking out the door. Alex looks over at Casey shocked.

“What the hell was that about?”

“You were flirting with Emma.”

“No, I wasn't!”

“Looked that way to us.”

“So you're mad at me too?”

“Nah, you know better than to cheat on me.”

Casey tells her nonchalantly. Alex chuckled shaking her head as Casey walked out of the office swaying her hips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a week since Emma started and she's already on your last nerve. When she's not asking you to go fetch her coffee she's talking to you about how hot Alex is. You've already told Casey to get the bail money ready because you are about to lose it on Emma. Casey assured you that Emma isn't Alex’s type however, Alex hasn't said a word to you about it. All day long they spend talking to each other and laughing. Meanwhile, Alex barely pays you any attention unless it's to run files or get coffee.

It's late in the afternoon and almost everyone has gone for the day. Casey left early to stay with her mom for the night and you are supposed to be riding home with Alex. However, Emma is still in there talking her up. Finally, Emma is leaving but not before talking to you.

“Your still here?”

“Yup, I'm here when Alex is here so.”

“Oh yeah. She's great isn’t she?”

“Yup. She's something alright.”

“Do you know if she's dating anyone?”

“What?!”

“Alex. Is she seeing someone?”

You're looking for the words but it seems that Malibu Barbie has rendered you speechless.

“Umm.”

“I think I might ask her out. She's hot, god I bet she's good in bed too.”

Emma is going on and on and all you can do is just stare at her in disbelief.

“Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow bye. “

You sit there for a minute replaying her words in your head. Jealousy taking over your body. You shot up out of your chair and into the office slamming the door behind you. Alex jumps at the noise looking at you confused. She called your name but you ignore her as you make your way behind her desk. You pull her up on her feet and kiss her. Your tongue demanding access in her mouth. You grab her ass pulling her closer to you Alex moans in your mouth. You pull back with your lungs burning for air. You look up at Alex who still has her eyes closed.

“Your mine,” you tell her pulling her body into yours.

“I never said I wasn't,” Alex says confused.

“Emma wants to ask you out. She thinks you are hot and good in bed.”

“Well, she's not lying.” Alex chuckled.

“Your mine,” you growled.

Alex looks at you with a smile, her eyes are a darker shade of blue.

“I'm yours,” Alex says nodding her head as she leans in to kiss you once more. This kiss is slower this time. Pulling back you rest your forehead onto Alex’s trying to catch your breath.

“I want you, Alex.” you barely whisper.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Y/n if this is about Emma I promise you that was never going to be a thing. I'd never do that to Casey or You. “

“I know that. It just pissed me off that she was thinking about you like that.”

“So we don't have to do this if you aren't ready. I don't want you to feel obligated or regret it.” You smile at Alex’s words seeing just how sweet she could be. Brushing her hair behind her ears you can’t help but stare at her.

“You’re so beautiful.” Alex blushes at your comment.

“I want you and I know that if I changed my mind you’d still hold me tonight. But I want you Alex. I need you.”

Alex leans in to kiss you again grinning from ear to ear.

“Let’s go home.”

[kaysayshey]

off paper || e. kirishima

This is a work inspired by a struggle that a lot of those suffering with mental illness experience, particularly those with depression and bipolar disorder; however, it can be applied to a lot of mood-altering medications that cause sexual dysfunction. While medication is a life changing and stabilizing aspect of many lives, it doesn't come without its cons. I think Kirishima would be incredibly understanding in this situation. Please keep in mind that bipolar disorder presents in many ways. There is no one-size-fits-all in mental health treatment or in its subsequent treatment. I wanted to write a bit about the side effects of SSRI medications.

Songs that I listened to while writing include:

Serendipity by BTS' Jimin

Bumper Cars by Alex and Sierra

That Kind of Love by MAX

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, NSFW (no smut, however this work contains sexual topics), mention of prescription drugs, bipolar disorder, minors DNI.

On paper, Kirishima Eijirou was perfect. An impressive sidekick working underneath Fatgum, his cheery disposition more than capable of reassuring even the most terrified of civilians. A hard-hitting, defensive quirk paired with determination unlike anything you'd ever seen. Easy-going enough to work with the difficult heroes - and by difficult, everyone meant Dynamight. Intelligent, reliable, and just the right amount of competitive.

Off paper, he was even better. Hell, the moment he'd asked you out, you'd almost done a double-take. Was he sure? Kirishima could date, well, anyone. However, you'd blurted out 'yes' before your brain had time to catch up, even more surprised at the gorgeous pink that graced the tips of his ears.

And the date went wonderfully. Were you expecting anything different? He was a magnet, and you were willing to be the refrigerator he stuck to - at least, for as long as he wanted. How he managed to remember what flavor of milk tea and boba you preferred, following it up with a quick delivery while working twelves at the agency, was beyond you. Good morning texts wishing you an easy day of your own hero work, good night texts hoping that your dreams were "sweeter than you." The moment a bouquet of roses was sent to your office, you had to admit it.

You were embarrassingly attracted to Kirishima Eijirou.

Not that he minded, no. If anything, he returned the feeling tenfold. After the first date came a string of others before finally labeling it as a relationship. Movie nights, walks through the park, chaste kisses interspersed by giggles as you both laughed at whatever came to mind. The quick meetings between your lips turned into full-on sessions that left your knees weak. Being with Kirishima was easy in a way that nothing else had been.

But let's face it. Working as a full-time hero with bipolar disorder made life, well, tough. A pharmaceutical cocktail and therapy helped, turning what was the disaster of your life into a manageable mess. Episodes were few and far between, the prickling anxiety was quelled by coping techniques and medication when necessary. The days spent in a daze of your own "self-medicating" were long gone, thank whatever higher power was out there. No, life was on the upswing for you in pretty much every aspect of the phrase.

Except for your sex life.

And no, that wasn't to say that Kirishima was doing anything wrong. To be quite honest, he was doing every just right. Kissing the places you loved most, calloused hands lingering deliciously over your skin. A voice like honey whispering in your ear, beautiful moans of how gorgeous you were, how he absolutely adored you. Saying that it left you with weak, knocking knees was an understatement. He was an emotional hurricane, sending butterflies through your stomach as he showered you with praise and carefully placed lips.

Other than a complete lack of climaxing, it was amazing.

You knew this was a possibility once you had started taking medications. A loss of libido was one thing, but being unable to finish was starting to wear on you. Before you could stop yourself, you were doing the unthinkable: faking orgasms.

After all, who wants to spend close to an hour between someone's thighs just to be met with frustrated sighs and potentially awkward conversations? No, Kirishima didn't need to spend so much time on your pleasure, not when there was a high probability that you wouldn't finish at all. As long as the moans weren't straight out of a low-budget porno overly exaggerated, you figured you'd get away with it.

Getting away with it turned out to be the least of your issues. The struggle was real. Outside of the sweetest lovemaking with Kirishima, you desperately tried every trick in the book to reach an orgasm on your own. Something. Anything. You were beginning to feel pent-up, needy. The money spent on toys was starting to reach an uncomfortably high number. Time was wasted and followed up by flopping onto the bed in frustration. No amount of lube, porn, or fantasy was helping. Once you hit the hour mark, you basically gave up.

And you were now pacing the hallways of your apartment, irrational tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. Why did it matter? Orgasming was not the end all, be all of life. But the memory of before the medications, the euphoric bliss that would force your back from the mattress, that memory reared its head more often than you cared to admit. God damn it, you just wanted to feel the shudders, the rush of pleasure surging through your body, insatiable heat quenched. And you wanted to stop lying to him. The tears rimming your lash line made their arrival known, long tracks staining your cheeks.

This is, of course, when Kirishima decides to knock on your door. After all, you had planned to have a comfortable night in, a delightful line up of rom-coms at your disposal. Movies that you now wanted to throw out the nearest window. Why, why did you have to try again? He deserved so much more than a broken partner, a partner who would never be able to match him. Someone who could crash at the slightest struggle, who broke when their insecurities were brought to life.

Another set of knocks. Time to face the music.

As you gently opened the door, the drop in Kirishima's face was visible as he took in your state. Where a bright grin had been settled now featured lips drawn into a tight, worried line. After all, you did everything in your power to keep him in the dark in regards to your mental illness. Not necessarily your smartest move, in retrospect. Hindsight, you know?

The moment the door clicked behind him, Kirishima was gathering you in his arms, a large hand gently stroking the back of your head. A kiss to your temple, his forehead pressing against your hairline. Deep breaths weren't helping you at this point. Because regardless of how frustrated you were, Kirishima was safety, the warmth of his embrace a haven for you to let out the sobs that were wracking through your body.

And as the tears fell, darkening his gray tee shirt, Kirishima ran his hands up and down your back, the comforting heat of his body providing temporary relief. After moments of crying, you pressed your head against his chest, eyes glued to the linoleum floor beneath you.

A thick finger and thumb tenderly met your chin, slowly lifting your face to meet his eyes. Those usually warm red irises were dark with worry, the pad of his thumb running circles over and over against your skin. Another reminder of just how good he was. No man had ever made you feel as desired or important as Kirishima.

"Baby, what happened?" he murmured, still caressing your face so gingerly that it brought the threat of more tears.

"It's nothing, nothing important," came your quick response, avoiding any lingering eye contact. It wasn't that important. Sexual gratification came second to emotional connection, and you had that firmly in your grasp with Eijirou. Why would you risk losing someone like that?

His eyebrow narrowed at your words, and he kept your face cradled in his hands. "Please tell me, baby. I want to help."

God, that expression of pure concern. Like you were everything to him, like your hurt was his hurt. It was in that moment you knew: you couldn't keep lying to him. Whether it meant he'd leave for someone else, someone perfectly, indescribably normal; that didn't matter. If anyone deserved a picture-perfect romance, it was Kirishima.

Eijirou, I-" Your voice broke from the nerves, unable to hold his unflinching gaze. How could someone be so earnest? He nodded, those same reassuring circles urging you to speak.

"I think you deserve someone better."

He looked like you'd honest to goodness slapped him. So many emotions flashed over his usually cheerful face that it scared you. Oh, god, this wasn't what you wanted to do, but how could you not? No one wanted someone like you. Once he knew, he'd leave. Better to push him away first and just let it end now before-

"What are you talking about? Baby. I don't want anyone else. I want you." His words came out stammered, tripping over his tongue and falling into the otherwise quiet apartment. Kirishima shook his head slowly, searching your face for some form of reassurance that this wasn't what you wanted. That you didn't want him.

"I don't know why. I just, I'm too much. You'll end up getting frustrated with me and I just, I just can't take that kind of heartbreak."

"Too much? You're never too much, what are you talking about?"

The words fell before you could stop them, faster than should be discernible to the human ear. But if there was anything Eijirou was, it was attentive.

"My medicine is driving me crazy, and I know without it I'll go over the edge again. But I want to feel normal, Eiji. I can't handle feeling like I'm not normal." And it was true. Sex was so innately human, and knowing that there was a chance that you'd never be able to gain that ultimate satisfaction was driving you mad. Was this just an overreaction from a brain exhausted from constantly fighting itself, or was this a logical, albeit emotionally charged, reaction?

"Your medicine?"

There it was. What you wanted to avoid mentioning. Sure, it wasn't fair to keep it from him. But let's be honest, you'd been expecting this to end after the first few months. And now? Now you were shaking in his arms, knowing this confession would be the end of the dreamy love you'd been experiencing.

"My medicine for uh... for my, um. I have bipolar disorder. It's why I can't work on Thursdays, too. I have to go to therapy. I know I should've told you from the beginning but I just, you know, I really, really like you, and I don't-"

One finger met your lips followed by soothing shushes from his own. As if the world's weight had been lifted from his capable shoulders, Kirishima let out a heaving sigh of relief. The arm around your waist pulled you closer, his large hand splaying comfortably against your back.

"I'm not going anywhere. I just want you to be okay. What can I do for you?"

And that left you tearfully admitting it all. Longing for the physicality that would bring you closer together, the bliss of coming undone at your partner's hands. Disgust when you listened to your friends' bragging of delicious, gratifying one-night stands. Aching heat desperate to be relieved by your man only to be left at the edge, the warmth still tingling through your body. How you felt caught halfway between "normal" and "crazy" even with the drugs. And Kirishima nodded, hanging on every word.

"I'm glad you told me," he began, slowly trailing his fingertips up and down your back. "If I had known, I would've worked ten times harder. Will you let me make you feel good, honey? Please?"

How did those few sentences send you into another fit of tears? Clutching the lightweight fabric of his shirt and apologizing for the damp stains, you nuzzled against his chest in embarrassment. But he continued his motions, adept fingers working at your tense muscles.

That night, he gave you everything you wanted and more, eager to please you in a way he never had. Eyes focused, sweet nothings spilling from his lips, tender hands and featherlight kisses. Teasing and romance and dedication over hours, something you'd never experienced before.

On paper, Kirishima was perfect. Off paper, he was even more. And he fulfilled his promise to you, "I love you" slipping from his lips when you finally reached your euphoria.

"I love you too, Eijirou."

"I'll always love you more."

[takamakisu]

Connected

This is a super indulgent fanfic where Mishima actually gets treated nicely by Akira and Co. so whoooo-

Being the admin of the Phan-Site, while a job of passion, was extremely tiring. Mishima spent many sleepless nights banning trolls, replying to comments, and creating forums. Life became a routine: go to school, do homework, manage the Phan-Site. Visit the shops, manage the Phan-Site. Eat, while managing the Phan-Site. Take a nap. Phan-Site. Phan-Site. 

Phan-Site.

Phan-Site.

Phan-Site.

His fingers flew like spider's legs over the keyboard of his phone and laptop, determined to carry the little world that he had created on his shoulders like a modern day Atlas. The Phantom Thieves needed him, he HAD to help them, he had to he had to-

Some jerk was going off about how the Phantom Thieves were "immoral" and "a danger to justice. Mishima automatically moved his finger to ban another troublemaker, then squinted at the username. 

DetectivePrince???

Mishima blinked once, twice, and belatedly realized that Goro Akechi himself was on his site, wanting to start an argument about the moral ethics of the Phantom Thieves. A ghost of a smile flickered across Yuuki's lips, and instead of banning, he clicked the "reply" button instead. This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity, why not humor it? After letting Akechi have it, an argument between the two ensues. Other users joined the fray and laughed at the detective prince, and Mishima smugly banned the annoying, stuck up guy once he'd had his fun. What a moron. Felt good, to finally be in control.

Unfortunately, Mishima hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, and he bumped into the door of the cafeteria, shaking himself to bring his surroundings to standstill. A mild blush painted itself over his cheeks and he looked around nervously to see if anybody had noticed- and of course they had. They were hiding their mouths behind their hands with shaking shoulders, and Yuuki felt a wave of irritation wash over. "Oh yeah, sure, laugh!" he snapped. "Don't you guys have anything better to do?" In a huff, he entered the cafeteria, then stationed himself at a table in the back, as always. And as always, he kept an eagle eye on the Phan-Site. It was the last thing he checked before sleeping (if he slept at all) and the first thing he looked over in the morning. The days began to blur together, and tired became his neutral state of being. But he kept at it, because they needed him, and he needed to be needed. It was the only thing he had going for him, only thing that made him worth something..

Another day at a table alone in the cafeteria, and Mishima blinked somewhat blearily at his phone, scrolling through threads as words began to blur together. And then suddenly, his device was swiped away, and the boy looked up absolutely flabbergasted into the bespectacled face of Akira Kurusu. "Hey," Yuuki cried when the shock wore off, eyebrows furrowing. "That's mine. Give it back!" He reached for it, but Akira held it up higher, and irritation erupted in Mishima's chest. Shooting up from his chair, he angrily stared the other brunet down and leaped for his phone, clawing at it desperately. "Stop it!!!!!!" 

"You are absolutely obsessed with this thing," Kurusu replied calmly, his tenor voice mellow as he kept the phone just out of reach. "Every time I see you, your face is buried in it. When was the last time you slept?" he demanded, eyes narrowing. The anger was shocked away, and Yuuki merely stared, unable to formulate a response. "You don't even remember, do you Mishima?" he frowned. Students were watching them now, mouths and eyes wide open. 

"Why do you care?" Yuuki challenged, anger washing over again. "Just give me back my phone. I need it," he hollered, and his voice broke and his vision began to blur as he reached up and up and up but it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough.

"Why do you need it, Mishima?"

"Because I have to run the Phan-Site and if I don't have my phone, I can't do that!!" Yuuki's voice shot up into the higher ranges to the point he was almost shrieking, and hot tears began to leak out of his eyes and he hated it, he hated it so much. Why couldn't people just leave him alone?! "GIVE IT BACK, I SWEAR TO GOD-"

Akira grabbed his shoulders and shook him mildly, grey eyes stormy. "STOP IT."  Mishima was stunned into silence, and his chest heaved. "Do you see what this thing-" and he held up the phone- "is DOING to you? You're so consumed with it that it's become like a part of you and you don't even know who you are without it anymore. The Phan-Site is not going to crash and burn if you're not there for one day. It is going to be fine. You, on the other hand, are running yourself into the GROUND. Do you ever take any time to yourself? Outside of this??"

Silence.

"This is an intervention, Mishima," Akira declared. "You are going to take better care of yourself. And I won't take no for an answer." With that, he pocketed the phone, and Yuuki stared hollowly, eyes and cheeks red from tears. "Now, come on."

"Huh? Where are we going?"

"You're coming to sit with me." Whispers began to rise like winds, and Kurusu turned on his heel to go back to his table. Mishima moved to follow him, but his surroundings became hazy and he stumbled, unbalanced. When did everything start moving….?

"Ngh-" 

"Mishima?"

He was falling. The next thing he knew he was in Akira's arms, and the whispers had gotten louder. "What's the matter?" Kurusu asked, concern heavy. Yuuki didn't answer. His head felt like somebody had stuffed it full of cotton, and he couldn't think straight. "Okay, um," the taller boy stammered, "let's just..let's go to the nurse, yeah?" Putting Mishima's arm around his shoulder, the duo made their way to the nurse's office. Thankfully Yuuki wasn't ill, merely overtired, and he drifted off after a few minutes. When he came to, Akira was back. "Mornin' sleepyhead. Time to go."

"Go?" Mishima echoed, turning his head towards Akira. "Go where?"

"Home. Classes are over for the day."

The shorter boy shot up like a rocket, eyes huge. "WHAT?! I slept that long!?" 

"Sure did. You gotta take better care of yourself," was the calm reply, and Mishima felt a prickle of shame. "And since you passed out before eating lunch, dinner's on me." Through the sea of people they walked to Leblanc, and Akira grabbed two plates of curry, setting one in front of Mishima. "Oh, I almost forgot," he said, "I got your phone still. Eat up, and then you can have it back." Yuuki began to eat quietly, and Akira did as well, comfortable with the silence. After a few minutes, Mishima put his fork down, surroundings blurring again, and bit his lip, burying his face in his arms.

"Woah, hey," the messy haired boy gasped. "What are you crying for? I knew Boss's curry was good, but I didn't know it was that good-"

"Why do you care?" Yuuki choked, scrubbing at his eyes. "Nobody else does. Not my parents, not anybody in the school, so why do- it's my fault your record was leaked it's my fault people hate you, Kurusu!" 

"Mishima, that wasn't your fault," Akira said firmly. "Stop taking burdens that aren't yours to carry. I don't hold that against you, okay?"

"I'm sorry," Yuuki muttered, because he didn't know what else to do, or say.

"It's not your fault. And to answer your question, I care because it's what friends do."

"..friends?" Mishima whispered, looking up incredulously.

"Yup, you're my friend now. So you're stuck with me. Whoohoo!" Akira grinned, and in spite of himself, Yuuki grinned back, weakly. 

"You're a great guy, you know that?"

"Nah. I'm just doin' the right thing."

"Sounds like something a Phantom Thief would say," Mishima replied with a knowing smile, and Kurusu's eyes widened slightly. "You thought you were subtle? I know that was you. I'll bet Sakamoto and Takamaki are in on it too. But don't worry! I swear not to tell a soul. That's what friends do, yeah?" he nodded, going back to his curry. "They keep‎ secrets." Akira nodded in reply. 

"Thanks for being our biggest supporter. Just remember to take care of yourself, too." 

After eating, Mishima went home, feeling significantly lighter, and he realized as he stepped inside he'd left his phone with Kurusu. 

….oh well. He'd be okay. He had a lot to think about, anyway.

The next day, Yuuki plodded along to school, and during lunchtime began to make his way to his regular seat. But a gentle hand to his wrist stopped him in his tracks. "Hey," a feminine voice said, and he looked up into Ann Takamaki's baby blues. 

"Takamaki-san??"

"Come sit with us," she went on, gesturing with her head towards the table with Sakamoto and Kurusu. "Nobody should be sitting alone!" 

Mishima blinked twice. "I don't wanna be a bother or anything-"

"You're not. Come on, silly!" Ann chirped, pulling him along to where her friends were gathered. Ryuji grinned at him from ear to ear, toothily. 

"Hey man! What's up?" 

"I'm...good?" Mishima ventured, hesitantly taking a seat. "Thanks for letting me sit with you guys, Takamaki-san."

"Just call me Ann!" she smiled, and he nodded, slowly. 

"Oh, uh- alright." 

Lunch was nice, and Mishima felt wanted for once. After it was over, he stood to go, but Ann tapped his shoulder. "Hey."

"What?"

"What's your cell? So we can keep in touch." 

"Oh uh..I don't have my phone on me."

"Really?" Ryuji questioned, eyebrows raised. "That thing's so attached to you it's like it's your girlfriend or something," he joked, playfully punching the brunet in the arm. Wordlessly, Akira passed Mishima his device, face set. A beat.

"Wait, why do YOU have-"

"Intervention."

"Ohhh," the blondes chorused, nodding and muttering in understanding. "So, Mishima," Ryuji went on, "I'm thinking about going to the arcade after school. You wanna come with?" 

Yuuki's grin is soft but full. "That sounds fun, Sakamoto. I'd love to."

"Ay man no need to be all formal and all that. Jus' call me Ryuji."

"Ah- okay Ryuji."

"Oh, hey!" Ann piped up, pulling out her 3DS, "Almost forgot to check on my town."

"You play Animal Crossing?!" Mishima cried excitedly, then shrank in embarrassment "Ah, sorry. I just- um."

But Ann just grinned at him. "Sure do! Wanna exchange friend codes?"

"What's so excitin' about picking fruit and talkin' to animals, anyways?" Ryuji wondered. "I don't get it."

"It's relaxing!" Ann huffed, puffing up her cheeks. Mishima nodded in agreement. 

"Yeah. The guy who created the game actually did so because he missed his family and he wanted the player to experience a sense of community," he explained, moving his hands as he talked. "It's helped a lot of people feel like they had somewhere to belong, if only for a while. You actually get closer to your villagers the more you talk to them too, and- they basically become like your friends!" He's rambling, and Mishima goes quiet, embarrassed again. "Um. Yeah."

"Huh. That's pretty cool," Ryuji nodded, and Yuuki grinned. 

Ann exchanged friend codes and phone numbers, and Mishima felt ten pounds lighter for the rest of the day. The arcade was really fun too, and the four of them went out to eat afterwards and by the time it was time to go home, Yuuki was tired, but in the best way. 

...he still hadn't checked the Phan-Site. Pulling it up, he was surprised to see that a post had been made by him, with several replies. 

Hey guys! I'm not going to be quite as active for a little while, I've been super tired lately. I'll still be here of course, but I need some time to recuperate. ~Admin

To his shock, an overwhelming amount of the replies were positive. 

That's OK! Take care of yourself! 

Your health comes first man no sweat

get some rest king u deserve it 

He's crying again. Maybe people really did care. Maybe he really didn't have to put every waking moment into this. 

..but who got into his account? His phone had a password so somebody must've hacked it to- 

He'd have to thank Futaba later. For now, he was going to bed. Akira was right. It wouldn't die if he wasn't there 24/7, and he had friends now; people who cared about him. Pulling up the group chat, he sent a text:

hey guys! i had a great time today. thanks for everything. 

Three dots appeared, and then Ryuji replied.

 [no prob bro]

[we shud hang out more]

Ann was next. 

[yw! we had a good time too :)]

And then Akira.

[nbd

im going to bed now gn]

[good night!]

Mishima put his phone away and drifted off, looking forward to school for the first time in a very long time. Life wasn't magically sunshine and rainbows now, but with 3 new friends, it was going to be a lot easier.

[faofinn]

No. 26 COMFORT (Alt. 8)

@whumptober2021

@whumptober-archive

It was flu season, and despite vaccinations and precautions, Harrison had managed to catch it. Work was bad enough with pressures, but after a few days struggling through, he had to give in and rest. Fao's place was the natural decision, and it allowed his boyfriend to look after him too.

Fao was only too happy to look after Harrison. He’d helped him out when he’d been ill not long ago, and he was just glad that his boyfriend had admitted he needed time to rest. He welcomed him inside, shepherding him into the warm.

“Hey, tomcat.”

Harrison pouted. "Bed?"

“Yeah, bed. I’m gonna make soup.”

He gave his boyfriend a grateful smile. "Thanks."

“And hot chocolate, if you want it. Go on up, I'll be up in a minute. Arrow's waiting to keep you company.”

"Thank you." He called back downstairs, voice rough.

“Anything for you, Tomcat.” Fao replied, heading into the kitchen whilst his boyfriend got settled. He started the soup off, leaving it to simmer away for a few hours, and then made a hot chocolate to bring up. It always made him feel better, and it was the least he could do.

Harrison had made himself at home under the duvet, wrapped tightly around him and Arrow. He was wrapped around the dog, trying to keep warm.

Fao pushed the door open with his foot. “Hars? I've got you hot chocolate.” He said softly as he slipped inside. “If you can escape your duvet cocoon.”

"A straw and then I don't need to move."

“You'll get too hot if you stay under there.”

"Don't start that bullshit. I'm freezing."

“When did you last have meds?”

"An hour ago?"

“Will have to wait a bit then.” Fao murmured, and put the mug down on the bedside table before he moved to lay with Harrison.

"You'll get sick too." He protested weakly as he curled into Fao.

“I'll be alright.”

"I don't want you to be ill."

“I'll be fine, don't worry about it.”

Harrison made a quiet noise in protest, but Fao was warm and he was too comfortable to move.

“Just let me look after you, eh?”

"Why do you think I'm here?"

“True.”

"I feel absolutely shite."

Fao ran a hand through Harrison's hair. “I know. You feel really warm.”

"I like that." He murmured. "Don't stop."

“Yeah?”

He hummed happily. "Yeah."

“I won't stop, then.”

"Good."

“You’re cute when you’re ill.”

"I'm not cute. I feel like I'm dying."

“Nah, you’re cute. Because you’re all snuggly.”

"I'm "snuggly" because you're warm."

“You’re cute.”

"I'm not."

Fao moved to press a kiss to the top of Harrison’s head. “Mm, you keep telling yourself that.”

He sniffed, and then let out a low groan. "I will."

“Your hot chocolate is on the side.”

"I'll have a drink and then I'm gonna nap."

“Napping is good. Just didn’t want it to get cold.”

"Then it would be cold chocolate."

“Not the same, eh?”

"No." He shook his head. "Marshmallows?"

“Yeah, put some little ones in there.”

That swung it and he slowly pushed himself upright. He groaned at the change of position, nausea rising. He took a few moments to breathe before reaching for the mug.

"Thanks, Fao."

“Anything for you.”

"Sap."

“Yeah, I know.”

Harrison drank the chocolate, savouring the marshmallows. Fao had always made the best hot chocolate, even when they used the same packet. He settled down to sleep after that, curled on Fao and as content as he could be.

Fao stroked through Harrison’s hair as he drifted off to sleep, glad his boyfriend was resting. God knows he needed it. If he was honest, he drifted off after a while too, warm and comfy with nothing better to do.

When Harrison woke, he felt infinitely worse. His hair was plastered to his forehead, but he was freezing cold. His body ached and burned, and the pain in his head was crushing. He pressed closer to Fao.

Fao stirred, aware Harrison was burning hot against him. “Hey, Tomcat. You alright?”

He shook his head, already in tears. "No."

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry.” Fao said gently. “It’s alright, I know you feel rotten.”

"I'm dying." He wasn't exaggerating.

“I know it feels like that.” Again, Fao ran his hand through Harrison’s hair, unbothered by how sweaty it was. “I’ve got you. You’re gonna be alright.”

Harrison shook his head, making his way further on top of Fao. "Don't leave me."

“I’m right here, I’ve got you.”

"Stay."

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m here.”

He nodded. That was good enough. He was too tired to argue any more, and slowly lost the fight keeping himself awake. He pressed closer to Fao again, fast asleep.