#going home is great but somehow it sends one back into child mode

[isfjmel-phleg]

😶

[ellana-ravenwood]

The art of taking care of the woman you love - Bruce Wayne x Fem!Reader

Synopsis : You’ve always had really bad period pains. You learned to live with it, and to take care of yourself during those times...Up until a certain Bruce Wayne came into your life, and made it his mission to be there for you. 

For @meghan-maria​, who gotta be the sweetest out there :), and for anyone who ever had really bad period pains. I hope you will like it : 

TW : periods. It’s obvious given the theme, but I guess we never know and better safe than sorry. 

My master list : @ella-ravenwood-archives​

_________________________________________________

The First time it happened

It’s the fact you cancelled your planned date with him without an explanation that makes him worry. 

“Sorry, can’t make it tonight. Will see you tomorrow !” 

You never did that before, and you two were so busy neither of you would miss a date really. Not unless something bad or important happened. But then in that case, you would’ve told him, no ?

It made him so anxious. And he was starting to clearly overthink things. 

Were you maybe...having second thoughts ? 

You and Bruce made your relationship official not long ago, was the media’s pressure becoming too much ? You told him you’d be fine, but after a few months experiencing the plague that were paparazzi and invasive questions, did you change your mind ? 

Or maybe it was because of the whole Batman thing ? You discovered that a while ago, even before making your relationship official so...why would you change your mind about it now ? 

Maybe he came home with too many cuts and bruises. Maybe you were freaking out ? He would understand if you did. 

Or...There was a last option that came to his mind : he upset you somehow. 

It was entirely possible, sometimes he could get stuck in his own mind, and be a jerk without even truly realizing it. He knew that fact very well about himself. It was often the reason of how he ruined multiple relationships, friends or more. 

The way he sometimes just got too focused on his vigilante work. Too obsessed. And could be stuck in a “dark mode” like you’d say...

But, he also knew that you never took any of his shit. You would’ve told him if something was really the matter, right ? 

Right ?!

Should he ask Alfred if he noticed anything ? His butler, and surrogate father, always saw things that escaped him. Especially when it came to feelings. 

This was a less known trait about Bruce, but ever since he was a child, he’s always been anxious. He was usually really good at hiding it, and his “Brucie Wayne” persona made everyone think it wasn’t possible for him to be anything else but confident and cocky but...it wasn’t true. 

Especially when it came to those he cared about. Especially when it came to you. 

You loved him despite his flaws, accepted him fully, without any conditions. It was the first time it ever happened, that he LET it happen...So, with this simple plan cancellation that was quite unlike you, he freaked out a bit.

In the middle of the day, he finally decided to call you. One. Two. Three tones before you picked up, and oh. Oh he felt so relieved to hear your little “hello ?” 

At the same time, his worry peaked. Was it just him, or did you sound really weak ?

“Hey honey, just wanted to check if you were alright ? Your text was a little short, and I know you don’t owe me any explanations of course, but I just wanted to check on you. You know. I-um...” 

Clumsy Brooshy. 

It made you smile, the way he could be a little flustered and lose his words, when with you. And it made you smile even wider that he chose to call you to make sure everything was ok. 

Sweet Broosh.

If you really didn’t want to talk to him, you wouldn’t have answered. And he wasn’t the kind of man to “insist”. He would’ve left a voice message, and leave you alone until you felt like calling him back. Bruce was most definitely not invasive...but at the same time, you’d never leave him worrying for no reasons, knowing how anxious he could be.

The truth was, your text was short because...You didn’t know how to tell him the reasons you needed to cancel your date. You didn’t want to embarrass him. Men didn’t really like to talk about what you currently were suffering from. 

You also were a little embarrassed yourself, because the entire society surrounding you made you feel wrong for having periods. 

Periods. 

One week a month. Every single months. That was a lot. 

Especially for you because...you always had complicated and difficult periods. Painful. Making you feel like you couldn’t move. The pain making it impossible for you to even get out of bed for long. 

You and Bruce had been dating for a while but...weren’t periods sort of a taboo subject ? You didn’t really know how to tell him. Especially since most men really seemed uncomfortable with the all thing. 

Of course, you should’ve know Bruce wasn’t “most men”. 

“Baby, are you there ?” 

“Um yes yes, sorry I was lost in thoughts.” 

“Are you ok ? You don’t sound right.” 

The most observant man in the World was obviously going to realize your voice sounded weaker than usually. The truth was, you were trying really hard to keep it steady as pain filled your being. 

“Yes yes, I’m ok, just feeling a bit...under the weather ?” 

“Is there anything I can do ? Is it a cold or something ? If so, I can bring you buy some chicken noodle soup, and pick up any meds you might need.” 

You almost cried at his words. 

Super busy bee Bruce Wayne was telling you he’d go out of his way to bring you what you needed...It made you crack a little. 

He was too damn nice. And your hormones were in shambles. It was very easy right now for you to cry. 

This. How willing he was to help you, how he immediately asked if he could...Was what made you say the truth without thinking twice : 

“I’m-I’m on my periods. They’re usually- They’re usually bad.” 

“Oh.” 

His response scared you a little bit. Were you right, was this maybe too much, too soon ? You were about to add something when he said : 

“I’ll be there in about an hour, if it’s ok with you ? If you prefer to be alone I can send-” 

“No ! No, I would love for you to come. I just-I wasn’t sure-I-”

“It’s ok. I understand. See you in a bit, love you.” 

“Love you, too.” 

On that note, Bruce hung up and leaves you with a wild beating heart. 

************

Exactly an hour later, your doorbell rings. 

With difficulties, you stand up, and go open the door. Surely enough, it’s your boyfriend. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi.” 

He has a bag in his hand, and you melt a little at the soft look and smile he gives you (even if there’s clear concerns behind it). You let him in, and go sit on the couch, even if just sitting up is already too much. 

“Do you want to lie down ?” 

“No. No I’m fine. You came all the way here, I can’t just stay in bed haha.” 

“Of course you can.” 

There’s a small silence for a little bit. Not awkward, you’re just not quite sure what to do. Should you go back to bed ? You really want to. And clearly, he understands. He always does. 

“Ok.” 

You stand, and wince because moving really makes everything worst. He approaches you, worried, but doesn’t dare to touch you and just follows you into your room. You get back in your comfy bed, under your comfy comforter. 

Another silence. Until he breaks it, taking something out of the bag he was carrying and saying : 

“So. I wasn’t sure you had a hot water bottle, I don’t ever recall seeing one in your apartment. So I bought one on the way just in case. Sorry if you don’t like the color, I can pick another one up later. It’s just, the woman on YouTube said that heat pads and hot water bottles were great.”

“The...woman on YouTube ?” 

“Yes, I watched a video on menstruations on the way here.” 

For a few seconds, you just stare at him, stunned. Never EVER in your entire life did you think you would hear THE Bruce Wayne say those words one day.

“A video on menstruations ?”

“Well, yes. Obviously, I don’t have periods. So I have no idea what it feels like. So I watched a video, to understand the process. And also so that you wouldn’t have to explain anything to me. You know what periods are, you don’t have to educate me on it. It’s not your job. And I definitely don’t want to sound patronizing about it. So I watched a video, and read a few articles. I won’t say I know how it feels, but I understand it more. Tell me if I ever step my bounds at any moment..” 

You can’t help but smile, even as your lower belly is on fire. Ah. Of course he would search things about it. Bruce was the kind of man to be thorough in his researches before tackling a problem. As Batman, he always tried to know everything there is to know about a situation before finding any solutions. But he was like that in real life too. 

And it particularly touched you that he did it so you wouldn’t have to explain...You had an ex, once, who sat down with you to talk about menstruations and it sort of drove you crazy. He thought it was nice, but your hormones were wreaking HAVOC and he was trying to explain to you how periods work and what it felt like ??? Give you advice about it and that it would be fine if you did what he said ?? Excuse me ??? As if you didn’t try everything already to feel less pain. And as if, as a woman, you didn’t know what it felt like or what it was exactly...

And there came Bruce. Reading up on it. And knowing he would never quite know how it feels. But educating himself so he won’t say something that could trigger you in any way. 

Sweet sweet man...If only people knew. 

He caressed your cheek softly, before whispering : 

“Then I-I watched something on endometriosis, because I read in a previous article it felt horrible. And you said your periods were bad, when we were on the phone. It sounds awful. Do you-...Have endometriosis ?” 

You shake your head weakly. Endometriosis was one of the reason why your periods were so painful and dreaded. And the worst ? It was a sickness many people said didn’t even exist. 

A woman being in pain during her periods ? Drama queen. Right ? It didn’t hurt that baaaaad. See, some women didn’t feel anything, just bled for a bit and moved on with their months. So obviously every women felt the same. Some were just being too sensitive...

Endometriosis was still, even to this day, a rather unknown illness and one that was rarely taken seriously. Some people just couldn’t even fathom you being in pain because of your periods, so much so that you couldn’t move. 

That you occasionally fainted, that you couldn’t eat much because it made you vomit, that you had awful migraines, stomach ache and back pain. That you couldn’t focus or sleep because of it. No. 

No those were just “made up symptoms” because you were “weak”...What awful things to say, right ? It was even worst to hear. Someone telling you this, as you felt like you were dying because of the pain, made you feel GUILTY to have painful periods. 

But it wasn’t your fault ? IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT ?! Nor were the moodswings, the cravings, the fatigue...

You hated going to the doctors when you were younger, because you knew he wouldn’t believe you when you said your periods hurt...

Anyway. Even without endometriosis, women who had bad periods pain were rarely taken seriously. Unless they met another woman who felt the same. Then they’d feel like they weren’t alone, or crazy. Like there were others who felt bad too. 

Every woman was different. And you unfortunately never met someone else with the same problems than you...

You felt very alone, for so long, and it was enhanced by your hormones going crazy and the pain being unbearable at times. 

And then, in come Bruce. 

Your Broosh. 

“Ok. Well. I brought you some of your favorite food. And um, I picked up some snacks if you want to do a movie marathon ? I brought all The Lord of the Rings extended editions. I got heat pads and a hot water bottle like I said. We can also just cuddle and relax if you prefer, I read that physical comfort was good ? Or, I can leave everything here, settle you in properly, and leave you alone. Just, tell me what you need my love ?” 

What did...you need ? 

Nobody ever asked you that. Nobody. Not even your parents. 

What did you need ? 

The answer came quickly. 

Him. You need him. His warmth. His large and soothing hands. His comforting presence. His calming voice. 

You knew you were in love with him since a while now. You exchanged “I love yous” already. But never did you feel as much love for him as right now, seeing him sitting in front of you, asking you what you needed...

A simple action. Simple words. And yet, it meant everything. 

“What do you need, honey ?” 

The concern in his eyes, and how he was very obviously ready to do whatever you wanted him to. 

It already made you feel better. The physical pain didn’t go down, that’s not how it worked unfortunately. But the emotional anguish ? Gone. 

Because he was there. 

Without even realizing it, you started crying. This was too much for your heart, too overwhelming. It meant the World, in that moment. 

It meant the world, to you and your overworked hormones. And so you cried. You cried hard. 

Without thinking twice, Bruce moved towards you. Taking his coat off and leaving it on the floor (Alfred would scold him about this for sure), he climbs in your bed and engulfs you in his arms. And it’s so warm and comforting, comfortable, too. 

“Just tell me what you need..”

He whispered to you, in his deep calming voice, his fingers running soothingly through your hair. 

“Could you just...keep holding me ?” 

He smiles softly, and says : 

“Of course.” 

He never, and never would, shy away from comforting you in any way. If you needed to have a good cry in his arms, so be it. And if you just needed him to be there, he would be there. 

You cuddled for a bit, the soothing circles he rubbed on your back doing wonders to make you feel relax. He brought some essential oils, that he massaged on your belly before filling the hot water bottle and laying it there...It relieved the pain a little bit, as you started a marathon of your favorite movies.

He took great care of you all day long, answering your every need even as you didn’t dare to ask...as if he could read your mind. You almost suspected he really could. You never felt so in phase with anyone before like you did with him.  

You had been together for less than a year. Although your anniversary was right around the corner. But him coming over as soon as he knew you weren’t feeling well. Him educating himself on what was it that hurt you...

If you weren’t sure yet that he was the one...You knew now. 

It sucks to be a woman, sometimes 

Bruce never knew periods could be that bad. Well, of course, he was a guy. And “periods” was never really a subject he talked about with anyone. He never really paid attention to it, like many men really. 

Until he saw you while on it. 

He knew you. He knew you were a tough lady. Once, you broke your leg while on a date with him. A silly accident really. Involving an ice rink, and an overzealous you chasing a hockey puck...Long story short, you ended up with a bad break. And you barely said a word about it. 

Bruce had his bones broken many times, he knew the pain of it. It was one of the pain he hated the most, along with burns. One he dreaded the most. And you took it like a champ. 

The break was bad enough you even needed surgery, yet you kept smiling at him (he might’ve feel bad that he let his over-competitive mind take over, “pushing” you to really want that puck...but of course, it was not his fault, after all, you too were very competitive, it was a pure accident). Saying you were fine, and that it’d be ok. 

He always hated seeing you hurt, it hurt him too. Inside. And scared the Hell out of him, to even think about you being harmed. So that day, he was rather frantic. You staying calm helped him, which made him feel a little guilty that even as you were the hurt one, you reassured him. 

But then you reminded him the roles were often reversed when he came back hurt from a rough vigilante night...You always had the right words to ease his mind. 

Anyway. That one time, after badly breaking your leg, you stayed rather calm and collected. But when you had your periods ? 

He never knew it could hurt so much. You couldn’t hide your pain, or pretend everything was alright. 

It was clearly a really bad moment to go through. 

He knew about the terrible migraines, being unable to sleep which made everything worst, feeling like your lower belly was being twisted from the inside, being sore all over for no reasons, not being able to move... 

Seeing you, was enough for him to know that periods sucked. 

“Being a woman is the worst, sometimes!” 

You’d often say during those moments, and he’d just soothe you, wishing he was in your place...

He hated when you were hurting. It hurt him too. Inside. 

And never. NEVER would he doubt that you were in real pain. Because unlike the doctors who kept telling you it was in your head, he knew you. He saw you get injured before. He knew you were tough. So for you to not be able to pretend everything was fine... 

You were hurting. Badly. And it was awful. But he believed you. He believed you and that’s all that mattered to you. 

Space

He also knew how to give you space when you needed it, though. 

He would be here if you needed him, bring you any food you craved, giving you relaxing massages, rubbing essential oils on your belly, filling up your hot water bottle etc etc. 

To be honest, his reaction to you being on your period is what made you sure he would be a great father one day...And you were right. 

Not a perfect father. 

But oh. Oh he cared. And wanted so much to do good...

And he knew. 

He knew exactly when he had to be there, and when he had to give you space. 

His hoodie

Bruce couldn’t always be with you when you had your periods, of course. 

He often took time off to be. But it was unrealistic to think he could be 24/7 with you the entire week. 

And sometimes, when he was away, you really suddenly craved his presence...So you came up with a trick. 

You stole his clothes. 

Particularly, hoodies he often wore when hanging out casually in the Manor. 

First of, they were very comfortable. And second, and most importantly : they smelled like him. 

They were warm, had his scent, and you could fall asleep feeling like he was almost there. 

Bruce couldn’t count the number of hoodies he lost to you....Then again, after a while, you’d ruthlessly abandon one because it stopped smelling like him, and would steal another one. 

Of course, he never minded. In fact, beyond the fact hoodies were nice and comfortable, he started to wear them a lot while in the house or during times he didn’t need to wear a suit (in every sense of the term), specifically because he knew you’d steal them when you felt lonely. 

It was cute. And it made his heart beat faster just thinking about it. 

Nobody. 

Nobody ever needed him that much before. Nobody ever loved him so much that sometimes him not being around was distressing. 

Of course, he felt the same. And the knowledge that you too, would sometimes feel lovesick when you were separated for too long...Filled his heart to the brim with the best feelings. 

For so long, he thought someone being dependable of him, and him being dependable of someone was bad...Oh, how he was wrong. 

It’s not because you open your heart to someone that you’ll get hurt, or that they’ll use it against you. You just have to find the right person... 

So. Yes. He will always cancel plans just to be with you. 

To bring you hot water bottles whenever you need. To cook your favorite food and snacks. To be there during all your mood swings, and endure even if you’re not the nicest to him (it’s not your fault). To watch your favorite movies. To let you sleep in and run your errands...

Periods sucked. 

He didn’t need to be a woman to know that. 

So he was there. Right there. For you. Taking care of you. And he would forever be there for that. 

But when he wasn’t ? 

Then he’d strategically leave one of his hoodie near the bed, so you could steal it, and comfort yourself with his smell...

Mood Swings 

“Brooooooooooosssssh...” 

You’re crying. You’re crying ! 

And it makes Bruce panic. You cry very rarely, so when you do it means something really bad must’ve happened or..or...

Bruce makes a quick calculation in his head and...Yup. 

It’s that time of the month again. 

Already ? Poor you.. 

This means that tomorrow, you’ll be a mess as everything will hurt too much, and today, the eve right before, you’re overly emotional. 

Hence you clinging to him right now, sobbing while repeating “I love you so much Bruce, I love you soooo much”. 

Hormones could really turn your head around. Right at the start of your period, before the pain, you had a rush of many emotions. 

You could either get very irritated for no reason (like “WHY IS THIS FLOOR ON THE FLOOR ?!”) or cry at everything. Right now, you were crying because you realized you loved your Broosh to death and you just had to tell him and you didn’t want him to go that night and...ah...

“It’s alright, it’s alright my love. You’re ok. We’re ok.” 

He lets you cry in his arms, of course. And already made the decision to not go out tonight, and stay with you. Kate could take over. He couldn’t leave knowing your emotions were doing quite a trick on you...

************

Your mood swings during your periods were particularly bad. 

You guessed it went in pairs with all the pain. Of course, not just one thing had to be exacerbated. Oh no. EVERYTHING bad about periods had to be turned to the max for you. Otherwise, were was the fun, right ? Sarcasm. 

You’d get irritated for no reasons. Then feel bad and cry for hours. To then feel ridiculously giddy once again for seemingly no reason...and then suddenly a burst of anxiety would attack you. 

It was a circus in your mind, and in your body. 

You couldn’t focus on anything. You couldn’t sleep properly. You felt awful all the time. Everything hurt. God...

And there he was. Bruce. Taking the brunt of your bad moods without saying a word. He knew it wasn’t your fault. That you didn’t mean it. That your hormones dictated your behavior against your own will. 

He knew. 

And he was there. 

He was there. 

“Every little moment is important, Son” - Thomas Wayne, to Bruce during the Flashpoint events.

“Bruce ? What are you doing here ? Thought you had important meetings ?”

“They weren’t that important.” 

“Really ? Lucious said-”

“Lucious is overdramatic. Anyway, Tim is taking care of it.” 

“...You’re letting our sixteen years old son taking care of the future of your company ?” 

“To be honest, he’s probably more competent about it than me.” 

“...That’s actually pretty accurate. But, why did you cancel things ?” 

“Because it’s this unpleasant time of the month, right ?”

“Oh. You don’t have to-” 

“I absolutely do.” 

Disappearing for a few seconds, your husbands comes back, wearing one of his favorite silk pajamas (and by “his” favorite, he really means : he knows you love them and think they look good on him, but won’t ever admit it because they’re “damn pajamas, it’s silly”...but he likes to please you). He then climbs in bed with you, and settles comfortable against you. 

“So, what’s the program today ?” 

This wasn’t unusual, for him to do this when you were on your periods. 

In fact, it was almost a ritual. Delegating his works to others, so he could take care of you. 

Ever since that first time, all those years ago, things didn’t change much. He would ask you what you need, you’d tell him, and he would do it happily. 

He knew it was a tough moment for you, physically, hormonally, mentally...Having your periods sucked. So he was there. Right there. 

The words his father...Well, not really his father. The “Thomas Wayne” of another dimension. What his father would’ve become if he died that fateful night, instead of his parents. Regardless, to him, it was his father. 

The father that never saw him grow up and became the man he was now...Yet who had important words for him. 

“Take advantage of every little moments, you never know when it’ll end.” 

Those words stuck with him. Because it was true. It only took a few seconds in an alleyway for his whole world to turn upside down...Why would it take any less for it to completely change now too ? 

What if something happened to you ? And he didn’t spend enough time by your side ? Or to his kids ? 

There was a time, being Batman was everything to Bruce. Because he was angry, lost, and devastated. 

But over the years...Over the years this role stayed important. But he expended his vision. He included others in it. 

So. Yes. He would treasure those small moments with you. And if it meant taking a day and night off to take care of you during a rough time, then he’d do it. If it meant missing work (both his works) because one of his children was sick, so be it. 

He was Batman. But he was also a husband. A father. 

And now...Now he knew his priorities. 

He’d never stop being Batman. Never. 

But he knew now. He knew there was more to life than this dark world he thought he’d get stuck in till the end of his life. 

“I was about to watch a movie.” 

“A movie it is. If you want me here, of course.” 

“Do you even have to ask ?” 

“To make sure you’re ok ? Always.” 

“-sigh- Yes. Yes Bruce, I want you here. I want nothing else, in fact.” 

“Ah, not even pop-corn ?”

“...Once we’ll have pop-corn, I’ll want nothing else.” 

“Um, why is there tampons in your drawer ??” 

One day, one of Bruce’s associate, Carlton, needed some paperworks to finish a deal, and came into his office. Bruce was on the phone, and gestured to him to just pick the papers up in one of his desk’s drawer. 

Only the man misunderstood and opened the wrong drawer and...

“What the-Why is there tampons and pads in your drawers ?”

He asked, half-bewildered half-amused. Bruce finished his phone call, and answered : 

“Why wouldn’t there be ?” 

“Um, are you a woman ?” 

“No, but my wife, who often come to this office, is.” 

“Jeez Louise Bruce, never pegged you to be such a simp haha ! Oh man, they’re even “organic”, how far can you go for one woman right ? Haha joking of course, or maybe..haha !” 

There was something in the tone Carlton took that brushed Bruce the wrong way. Something disrespectful and irritating. Not disrespectful to him, as if he cared to be called a “simp” (by a grown ass man by the way, which made it even more ridiculous). No. He didn’t care. But..This was his wife, they were talking about, in the end. 

“A...”simp” ? Because I have items who can be useful to my wife in my desk drawer ? A place in which she often comes, as I already said ?” 

His voice was cold, and Carlton definitely noticed. He always thought Bruce was an affable man, but sometimes...Sometimes he had something almost scary in his eyes. 

Ah, but Carlton wasn’t the kind of man to really take this things seriously. And he added : 

“Come on Bruce, don’t you think it’s a little ridiculous ?”

“No.” 

“I just think it’s funny you have a drawer full of those things.” 

“As I said, my wife comes by often, and might need it sometimes. I keep them here for her. It often came in handy you know.” 

“Don’t say that, that’s so gross.” 

“Why ?” 

“Just thinking about it.” 

“Just thinking about something my wife, but also yours by the way, have no control over ?” 

“My wife doesn’t- We just don’t talk about it.” 

“Well I guess yes. Or you wouldn’t react that way. Do you not take care of her when she has her periods ?” 

At the word “periods”, the man opened his eyes wide, which made your husband roll his. It truly TRULY baffled him that this dude was being grossed by OBJECTS and most likely didn’t take care of his wife ? How could you love someone and not want to comfort them ?! 

“Well, I don’t think she- I- She doesn’t - I ...It’s embarrassing, no ?”

“No.” 

“Well, maybe it’s not with your wife but with mine it has been. She asked me a few times to buy pads for her.” 

“Why would it be embarrassing ? I can assure you, nobody is going to think it’s for you.” 

Carlton’s face was steadily going red. He said : 

“It’s just something we don’t talk about.”

“Why not ?” 

“It’s just...gross and...” 

“Why is it gross though ? Why do you think that way ?” 

“I mean, you know what periods are right ?” 

“Of course I do. It’s something happening to a very large chunk of our population, and that is a natural phase in their life. Do you think your wife wants to have periods ? Most likely not. Mine definitely doesn’t. But she does. So I do keep pads and tampons here in case of an emergency, in case she has nothing else on her.” 

“Nothing else ?” 

“Do you think only pads and tampons exist for women’s periods ?” 

“I-”

“It’s not hard to read up on it a bit. Especially when someone as close as your own wife is a “victim” of it."

Awkard silence. Clearly, the man was uncomfortable. Bruce sighed, and said : 

“Just go take care of those papers.” 

Evidently relieved, his associate almost ran out of the room. 

Bruce kept thinking about how funny Carlton thought it was to have pads in his drawers. How he was about to mock him further before he got called out. “Simp”. If taking care of the woman he loved meant being a simp, then whatever. 

Bruce couldn’t stop thinking about his associate’s words. And it gave him an idea...

The next day, every newspapers and local news channel talked about how the (Y/N) Wayne Foundation gave millions of dollars to every school and public places in the country to provide free tampons and pads to women. And how Bruce Wayne became a huge advocate of the “period positivity” movement his wife started. 

“Periods shouldn’t be taboo.”, he said in his speech for the grand-opening of thousands and thousands of free pads distributors. 

When the kids are around. 

Dick 

Dick was little when he first witnessed what your periods did to you, and he downright panicked when you fainted in front of him while you two were shopping for Bruce’s birthday present ! 

That morning when you woke up, you knew you were going to have your periods. You always felt it in your bones, a little bit before it truly started...But you also promised little Dickie you’d help him chose a gift for your husband. 

You hated breaking your promises. Especially the one you made to your kid. He was just nine, and already experienced so many heartache...You couldn’t just break a promise you made to him, no matter what. 

So you went anyway, knowing there was a high chance you’d feel ill during the day. You were hoping, in fact, your periods wouldn’t truly start up until the evening, and so you could spend the day with your son. 

Alas...

“Mom ? Mom !? Someone help !!” 

Your fainting during your period never lasted long. Just a sudden drop of energy, feeling dizzy, and falling...you woke up fast. Opening your eyes to see your baby boy with tears in his eyes. You knew what happened, and reassured him immediately. 

You refused to call an ambulance, and instead called Alfred to ask if he could come pick you two up (you would NOT risk driving while in this state). 

And there you were, sitting on a bench with your son while waiting for Alfred who would be there as soon as it takes to get from Wayne Manor to Gotham’s City Center. 

“Are you sure you’re ok ?” 

“Yes, don’t worry, this is normal.”

“Fainting is not normal !” 

Dick looked so distressed...Should you tell him what was going on ? But he was such a young child. 

Ah. But you were amongst the people who thought that kids weren’t as stupid as many people thought. And that they could handle the truth, especially this kind of things. 

Understand what was happening to you would surely easy his mind. And make him understand, and act accordingly in the future. Wether with you, or a possible girlfriend ? 

So you do just that. 

You explain to him what is going on. You don’t give too many scientific details, but you explain as best you can so he understands. 

“And every women has it ?” 

“Every women have periods yes. But not everyone’s hurt.” 

“Why do yours hurt ?” 

“We don’t really know. I guess I wasn’t lucky ?”

“Scientists don’t know ?” 

“Well, research on it are rather recents to be honest.” 

“Why ? Women had it long ago too no ?” 

“Yes, but it was a little taboo.” 

“Why ?”

“Patriarchy.” 

“Oh, damn patriarchy.” 

You laugh. You knows he didn’t understand your answer, said as a joke to yourself. But it’s absolutely adorable how he immediately sides with you anyway. 

“When I grow up, I’ll be a scientist. So I can help.” 

“Ah, I thought you wanted to be an adventurer like Indiana Jones ? Or “whatever dad is doing I want to do it too” ?” 

“Well. I can do more than once things at the same time, right ?” 

“Sure you can. You can do anything.” 

He smiles at you, and get closer for a little cuddle. And that’s how Alfred finds you two, your son hugging you, and you hugging him back, on a bench in the streets... 

************

After the initial panic, Dick made it his mission to take care of you. He got really scared when he saw you faint, and would actually be a little...overbearing. 

When he knew you were on your periods, he’d literally forbid you to walk around, and would make sure you had everything you needed. 

His attentions, plus Bruce’s, made you feel like periods weren’t so bad in the end ? 

Even as a grown up, Dick would often come by the manor with your favorite cake, for example, when he knew you didn’t feel well. And he would still get strict with you if he saw you roaming around and getting too busy while he knew you were in pain. 

He’d do whatever you had to, for you. Wether it was cleaning things up, picking groceries...Running any errands for you, so you could rest. 

You were definitely grateful. Even if sometimes, you wish you could just tell him to ease up a bit...Ah. But how could you really ? 

The trauma Dick felt when loosing his parents made him overprotective and rather intransigeant. This was just how he was. And you always loved all your children unconditionally. You could take him being a bit too overprotective sometimes, because oh, oh he brought so much in your life...  

Jason 

You having really bad periods is the reason why when Jason, as a child or an adult, heard anyone say to a girl : “Jeez, why you so moody are you on your periods ?!”, would get mad. 

It was cute to see his little ten years old self lecture grown adults about it : “Periods are really tough on a girl ! It’s not their fault is they don’t feel well or have mood swings, be more empathetic !”. 

And it was still cute to see him as an adult glare at those who’d say this and give them a sermon about why it was wrong, and they better not say it again “or else” (and when a man like your son said the words “or else”, literally no one wanted to find out what he meant by it). 

Once, someone told him, sarcastically : 

“Wow, you drunk a lot of “respect women juice” huh ?” 

“What is that even suppose to mean ? I’m being a decent human being. You should try it sometimes. If respecting women is so foreign to you, that hearing me say what I said is funny and ridiculous, reassess your life mate.”

It’s really not like anyone really wanted to argue with your son. Besides the fact he was very tall, and as a vigilante definitely worked out a lot...he had a “dangerous” air about him. It was his eyes maybe, daring anyone to argue and making them understand he wouldn’t back down without a fight ? 

Ah. But if only people tried to look beyond that. If they only tried to know your son. 

They’d realize he’s the sweetest little buddy around.  

It surprised people that you still called him “little buddy” even as he was fast approaching his mid-twenties. But for you... 

For you he was still that little, sweet Jay he was before he died. The one that you could still see sometimes, behind all his anger, trauma and hurt. 

Ever since he was a child, Jason always felt everything more than anyone around him. He was an “hypersensitive” child. When he was angry, he was enraged. When he was happy, he was the happiest boy on Earth. When he was sad, it was hard to console him. 

When he grew up, and all those bad things happened to him...This trait of his got even more enhanced. It was sometimes hard to reach him under all those negative emotions...Yet. Yet you managed to do it. 

Bruce too...But that was another story. 

For now, you just always felt extremely proud that your son was actually not as harsh as some people thought (the same mistakes they all kept making about your husband...you hated this kind of assumptions). 

He always stood up for the underdogs. And was always respectful, and would voice his opinions. 

Like how he hated when people told women : “ugh are you on your periods ?!” if they were being just a tiny bit difficult (sometimes, not even). 

As a kid, Jason would worry a lot about you when you were on your periods. He hounded Bruce to know if you were ok, which your husband didn’t mind, of course. But he never quite dared to “bother you”. 

Of course, he would never bother you. But Jason was a complicated kid who always worried too much. He didn’t want to get in your way, or annoy you. 

So he had little quiet actions for you. 

Like getting your slippers warm when you’d wake up, by placing them near the radiators all night and putting them right beside your bed before you’d wake up. Or bringing you hot beverages. Baking your favorite treats, and leaving them in strategic places so you’d see it. Or scolding his dad when he thought he wasn’t taking care of you enough haha. 

Jason was a good kid. Nobody would ever change your mind on that. He was a good kid, to whom bad things happened. Yet he never strayed from his principles...No matter how people could see his recent actions. 

Jason was a good kid. 

He was your kid. 

As a child, he hated this week during which you had your periods. He dreaded them as much as you did. Just like Bruce, he had a hard time standing you being hurt...

As an adult. It was the same. And he still had little silent actions to make you feel better. To make your day easier. 

That was Jason for you. 

Such, such a good kid... 

Tim 

Tim, very much like his father, was a boy who needed to always have a plan, and to know everything before finding solutions. 

When you were on your periods, he’d always know. Because he kept a calendar about it. 

Some people might find it weird, but...Why ? He kept count of the days to know when you’d have your periods, so he could act accordingly. So he wouldn’t be caught off guard by one of your mood swings. And so he could take care of you ?? 

It was an act of care, to keep track of your periods. Sometimes, he even knew before you when you were going to have it. 

People who thought it was weird to kept such a calendar, were the same people who thought periods were gross and a taboo subject. 

Sure, it was definitely not very glamorous. But it was part of half of the World’s population life ?? Why keep it taboo and refusing to talk about it ? 

Tim immediately, just like his dad, did a lot of research on women’s menstruations...Which got you to be called in his principal’s office once. 

The man was worried, and unhappy that your son was reading a magazine “for woman” about “menstruations”, he thought the topic was vulgar and inappropriate. 

Your son was 13. Which was also the age many of his girl friends were experiencing their first periods. And that principal was out there, scolding him because he talked about it, making an entire generation of little girls thinking they were wrong for having periods ? 

Needless to say, you got rather mad. And the principle never called you ever again (if he had to call, he was always making sure to get your husband on the line, and not you).

And so Tim kept learning everything possible about it, in the hope also to find the perfect remedies to ease your pain. He tried a lot, to help you out. Gave tricks to Bruce, too. 

And so, kept a calendar. 

This allowed him to know if something was wrong, as well. 

He was the first one to guess you were pregnant with Thomas, because of his calendar. And one time, you had hormonal problems and he’s the one that told you you should check an endocrinologist because you’d been too irregular with your periods time ! 

Yes. Just like his dad, Tim needed to know a situation fully before acting. And seeing him trying to know as much as he could in order to help you was...why, it was the most adorable thing in the world. 

Cass

Cass’ periods were not painful, and you were so glad for her. 

To her, it was a mild annoyance, there was no pain, it was just irritating. And yes, she had mood swings and could easily get mad, but it was nothing major. 

She never even knew other women could have it so bad...The education about periods was really lacking ! They never talked about it anywhere ! 

Cass was a woman of few words...but she knew how to pass her emotions through her body language. Oh, how she knew. 

“Momma.” 

Just like your other kids, she’d come check on you when Bruce couldn’t take care of you. You wanted space sometimes, which they all understood. But honestly, during your periods, when you were so sensitive about everything ? You also wanted them around almost all the time. 

A paradox. Very fitting of those damn periods time. 

Cass would just sit with you, and make sure you were comfortable. She wouldn’t say a word. Lay her head on your shoulder, and hold your hand. Watch movies with you. Hold you close. 

She was delicate with you, as if afraid to break you. 

Just like your husband, her presence had a soothing effect ? As if nothing bad could ever happen to you as long as she was there (and that probably was right, Cassandra would never let anyone touch her “momma”).

She didn’t need to talk. She didn’t need to do anything more than stay with you when you didn’t want to be alone. 

She never experienced the pain you had, but if even to her, who had painless periods, it was annoying and a damn plague ? Then to you... 

She didn’t need to do much. 

Just her being there already meant a lot. 

Her holding onto you, even as she stayed afraid of anyone’s touch for so long. 

“Momma.” 

Cassandra was your only daughter. And oh you were glad her periods weren’t as bad as yours. That’s all that really mattered to you. 

“Momma.” 

You often fell asleep with the warmth of your kiddo right there. Next to you. Knowing she wasn’t going to leave unless you wanted to. Knowing she wish she could take your pain on. 

Ah. But no. No even if it was possible you’d never allow that. You were the mom. YOU were supposed to take their pains on. 

And knowing that Cass never suffered on her periods as bad as you did, was enough. After all, your baby suffered enough in the past...She could get a little lucky, right ? 

“Momma.” 

That word was music to your hear. Cass’ first word to you. 

She didn’t need to talk anyway. Being here was enough...

It was more than enough. 

Damian 

Everyone who saw Damian around you would notice that he wasn’t quite the same boy than "normally”. 

He was calmer, nicer, and sweeter. 

You’d argue that it was his real self. That this was his “normal”. That he was just never allowed to show his true heart before, and wasn’t used to trust others and open up. And you were definitely more than happy that he finally managed to do that after arriving into your home. 

That none of you ever gave up on him. 

You especially had a calming effect on him. After all, he never had a “conventional” mom, who could take care of him when he was sick, kiss him good night and make sure he always had everything he needed. 

Some would say you coddled him too much...And you didn’t care. Because that boy lived 10 years being the opposite of coddled. So what, if you’d cut the crust off of his sandwiches, or read him bed time stories every single night ? 

Damian loved it. As he often said, being a momma’s boy was “hardly something he was ashamed of”. He never felt loved and safe before, you bet he’d take every chance he got to be cared for. 

He never got to act like an actual kid. You allowed him to do just that, AND you made him feel like he belonged. Finally. Like he had an actual family. 

So...The day he heard about your absolutely awful periods, what did he do ? 

Every single day of your life with him, you had at least one nice intention to him. Wether it was baking his favorite cookies, or telling him how proud you were of him, you always had nothing but kindness for him, often going out of your way for your son. 

It was normal for you. Of course. And you did it with all your children...but you had to admit maybe Damian had just a little more of it, because he really never had anything like that to him. 

And to him, it only felt normal then, when you felt at your worst, that he’d be there for you exactly like you were there for him. 

During any mood swings, he’d have comforting words for you. He had little attentions for you that just made life easier. 

Again, it would greatly surprise anyone but his family, but when you had your periods, he did a lot of overly sappy little things. 

Like for example : every month, he wrote seven things he found extraordinary about you and would put them in a jar. Seven. The number of day in a week. And usually the number of day, give or take, your periods would last. 

The jar would be sitting right on your bedside table on the first day, with the indications you had to read one paper every morning, or every time you felt down (it was supposed to be one paper a day). Sometimes, you’d go through his seven messages in less than a day...and magically, the next day, the jar would be filled again. 

Damian made sure of it. 

This was just a small example. But it showed exactly what kind of boy your son really was. 

If he was heartless, a killer, someone destined to destroy the World...would he really put that much effort into making you feel love ? Into making you feel better any way he could ? 

You didn’t think so. The only way your son could ever “turn bad”, was if you (and Bruce) stopped caring for him. Left him alone (A/N : this is a CLEAR jab at current comics canon, if you know what I mean :I ). Only if he felt abandoned, unloved, and rejected. 

You knew your boy had, just like you, “rejection dysphoria”. It was hard for him to accept any kind of rejection, and it made him act out and hurt. But that was another story... 

Right now, all that mattered to you, is that you knew your son was always going to be there for you, just like you’d always be there for him. 

That he finally learned how to love, and care. That he would never unlearn it, as long as you lived. 

Your periods sucked. 

So bad. 

But Damian was a ray of light in the darkness of those seven dreaded days...

Duke 

Duke’s mom also had endometriosis. 

Over the years, he perfected a “special remedy” he always made her when she had her periods. 

He hesitated to make it for you. After all, it was something that made him bond greatly with his own mom...was making it for you, now, acceptable ? Did it mean he forgot about his mother ? 

No. No of course not. 

Duke scolded himself for even thinking that. You too, became his mom. He learned over the years that it was ok, to have two mom. That when they’ll find a cure for his parents, it wouldn’t take away the years you filled in for the mother role, and took care of Duke as if he was your own. 

So here we go. 

Some ginger. Some lemon. A dash of his little secret ingredients. Your favorite blend of tea. And it was done. 

He brought it to you, saying it always soothed his mom...

And just that. 

Just those words. It meant so much. 

“It always used to soothe my mom. Used to do it all the time, ever since I was five !” 

He said with a smile. 

It was something he used to do for his mom, and now he did it for you. Just this. Just that fact, it was enough to make you feel better. 

It didn’t take away the pain, but mentally ? It felt amazing. 

You drunk his concoction and...Oh god. 

Oh god it was disgusting. And...Ah. Yes. His mom probably pretended she liked it. “Ever since I was five !”. Ha. So cute. But also, it really was gross. 

At the same time, you felt a pleasant warmth spread through your body as the terrible aftertaste slowly faded. Duke smiled to you, and with a little mischief in his voice said : 

“It’s really gross, isn’t it ? But it does the trick haha” 

There was a few seconds of silence. During which you blinked at him, not quite registering what he just said. Until... 

You burst out laughing. The little mischievous smile, and the way he said “it’s really gross, isn’t it ?” was just too funny. 

Your communicative laugh spread to Duke, and as he laughs it makes you laugh even louder too and...You forget. 

For a moment you forget about your periods. The pain. The anguish. The emotional labor. This damn week of hell. 

You forget.

And you just laugh. 

You laugh alongside your son. 

Thomas (if you wonder who the H is Thomas, you can check my “Batmom” masterlists, he appears from the story “the great mall adventure” ^^)

Thomas must’ve been about four, when he first saw you having your periods. 

Your littlest baby was also one of the most sensitive out of them all (right along with Jason, the two of them cried their eyes out when they watched “Inside Out” and Bing Bong disappeared). Bruce always said he took that after you. And honestly, you couldn’t disagree. It’s true you could be very sensitive. 

So one morning, when he woke up and went to breakfast and heard you weren’t feeling right, he immediately went to you and...

Bruce found him an hour later, crying in his room. 

“Oh wow hey hey, what is it buddy ?” 

He asked, trying to hide the panic in his voice. Thomas might’ve been sensitive, but he rarely cried. He was just a very empathetic boy. But also a cheerful one, and he had a knack to see the good even in the worst situations. 

So seeing him sob like that, made Bruce’s heart drop. 

“Is mommy going to die ?!” 

It took Bruce a few seconds to get a hold of his racing heart. His son crying. And asking if you were going to die. It shortcircuited his brain for a few seconds. Until he realized what Thomas was talking about...

“Oh, oh no champ, no, mommy isn’t going to die.” 

Your kids were used to see you strong and fierce. Of course the first time your little one would see you on your period, he’d think something big was wrong.

He had just recently learned what death really mean (you can read about this here : The day he understand what Death means), and since then was so scared it’d happen to his parents. Or his siblings. Or anyone he knew, really... 

Picking up his son and slowly and softly tapping his back in soothing circles, he walked around the room and rocked him until the boy calmed down a bit, before trying to explain as best he could why mommy felt bad, without going in in too many details. 

Once Thomas understood this was just like when he got a fever that time, that it would pass, he felt much better. But also worst. Because his mommy wasn’t feeling well ! And it happened often ! 

Bruce reassured him that there were ways they could help you...And soooo : 

Thomas brought you hot water bottles, with the help of his dad (the bottles were almost as big as him), and ended up falling asleep  on one as it laid on your belly (he heard that humans’ body heat was very strong and wanted to “help the hot water bottle”). 

The water in the bottle became cold, and you removed it..Your son didn’t woke up, so you laid him back down on your belly. And he was warm and so tiny, and you loved him so much...It made you feel like the luckiest woman in the world, to be surrounded by people like this little one. 

And all your kids. Alfred. Your friends. Broosh...You fell asleep with sweet dreams made of warmth and cuddles. 

Not long after, Bruce came by to check on you, finding both you and Tommy deeply asleep and...An overwhelming feeling of happiness took him over. 

You weren’t the only one feeling lucky. Except for Bruce...For Bruce it was even stronger, because after his parents died, he never thought he would be happy ever again. 

This was why he’d always be there for you. You gave him another family... 

His schedule was freed, and he had a busy day. A nap sounded perfect. Especially while nestled against you, with his little one right there. 

Dick came by in the afternoon, and found all of you like this. Bruce holding both you and his son, Thomas taking way more space than such a small body would make you thing he’d take. 

Dick snapped a picture, and send it to the group chat he had with his siblings and some other close friends and such (like Clark, Wally, Conner, Diana etc etc they used the group chat to gossip about Bruce, mainly). With the caption : “Big bad bat tamed by a four year old”. 

Cass send multiple hearteyes emojis. Jason said it was adorable and send a crying emoji, and didn’t care one bit what anyone would think of him saying such things. Damian yelled at Dick that he should’ve put the comforter back up on his baby brother and mom because it wasn’t properly put on !! Duke send a : “I’m downloading that picture for the next time he gets mad at us and we need to soften him up”. Tim replied with a gif of Maes Hughes from Full Metal Alchemist saying : “dis dad”. Clark said “they look so peaceful, you wouldn’t believe he threatened me just yesterday to punch me because I made a joke” to which Diana answered : “that joke was so bad I wanted to punch you to. Cute pic btw, give kisses to Tommy for me, you should come see me more, I just stocked my freezer with nothing but ice creams”..Everyone send a little comment about it. 

Because even superheroes, could have normal conversations about those they love. 

Suffering alone is a thing of the past

It’s funny. You couldn’t even remember, now, what it felt like “before”. 

Before. 

Before you met Bruce.

Before that first time he showed up to your apartment to take care of you. 

How were your periods before that ? The worst. 

Definitely. 

Actual Hell.

Not that they were feeling better now. Oh no. There were time your overdramatic self exclaimed : “uuuugh just kill me alreadyyyy” when the pain was too grand...But you weren’t alone anymore. 

That’s what made it a bearable moment of the month. 

It still felt as bad as it used to when you were younger. 

But it wasn’t just you agonizing in your bedroom all alone anymore. 

It wasn’t you wishing you’d have someone to take care of you, and to try and ease the pain. Not anymore. 

It wasn’t you crying with nobody to dry your tears anymore...

No. You had an entire army of people right there just for you. 

Alfred, your children, and most of all...Bruce. 

Your Broosh. 

Ah. If only some people could see this side of him you and your family knew. The caring and loving one. In a way though, it was rather comforting and made you feel special, that only you and your kiddos knew the real Bruce ? 

Of course  nowadays, some of his closest friends like Clark and Diana weren’t fooled anymore either. But they’d never see him the way you did, when you were in unbearable pain, and he was right there, drawing soothing circle on your back, keeping you warm and safe... 

This was only privy to you. 

Your Broosh. 

Yes. 

Your periods were still as painful as they used to. But now...

Now you weren’t alone anymore. 

The end. 

________________________________________________

Hey guys ! I hope you liked this :). As usual, feedbacks and reblogs are always welcomed ! (Especially lately, the reblog ratio seems at its worst haha). And again, I really hope you liked this. I was finally able to sit down and write after weeks of  being stuck in a depressed mood, so I’m quite excited about sharing this. But as usual, always a bit nervous that you’ll be disappointed blahblahblah low self-esteem and all that haha... :). I just hope this is to your liking. Thank you.  

[se0kie]

call it what you want— jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader, [jin x reader for like two seconds]

genre: fluff, angst

high school au, f2l, bestfriends au, unrequited love

tags/warnings: mild pining, mild swearing (y/n says the f word like twice), i love y/n she’s adorable, some jealousy, jungkook is immature and/or clueless, vmin make an appearance, jk’s a killjoy squeeeeeeee!! seokjin being the handsome older man every teenage girl crushes on hehe

summary: you have been best friends with Jungkook since before you can remember. but it’s difficult being a supportive friend he can fall back on when you’re hopelessly in love with him.

word count: 3.5k

this was commissioned for the lovely @dee-ehn through the changeswithluv project by @ficswithluv! i hope you like it <3

a/n: high school au but all characters are of or above age. also this is super unedited yolo lemme know how yall like it thooooo

You’re standing outside the gate to your house, tapping your foot incessantly against the curb as irritation runs through you like a tiny insect. He’s late. Again.

You had somehow gotten yourself out of bed, rushed through your shower and made yourself presentable for school. Your knee high socks only doing so much to keep you shivering from the cold. It was brisk in the mornings, which is exactly why you needed Jungkook to be on time at least for once.

You sighed yet again, your hair flying due to the breeze. You looked down the street, hoping for the familiar toothy grin and curly hair to make an appearance. Jungkook’s whoop of greeting announced his arrival as you finally calmed down enough to stop your tapping. You scowled as he neared you, letting him see the displeasure on your face.

“I’m sorreee, Y/N!” he whined, usually it was all it took for you to stop being mad at him. And today was no different.

You smiled at him, letting him know you weren’t upset as he thrust a notebook into your hands. “Thank you for letting me borrow your notes, I love you,” you blushed at his usual words of gratitude. Although you remind yourself this is how the two of you had been for ever, don’t go looking for meaning in something mundane.

Jungkook intertwines his arm with yours as you start walking towards school. The two of you have been going to school together since you learned to walk.

You’re walking hand in hand when Jungkook looks at you sideways, you raise your eyebrows at him, questioning.

“What?” you say with a half laugh.

“Nothiiiing, how’s my favourite girl this morning?” Jungkook says with a smile.

You look straight ahead as you answer, “I’d be better if you actually ever showed up on time. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I heard from a certain someone...” he begins when you cut him off.

“From a certain Jimin.”

He looks at you with exasperation as you keep walking, “Would you let me finish?!”

“Oh I’m sorry, do continue,” you reply with a small smile. “You were saying?”

“Yeah so a certain someone told me that Kim Seokjin has a crush on you.”

“WHAT?” You sputter and gasp at the unexpected revelation. Never would you have thought you’d get to hear such a sentence.

“Jungkook is this another one of your bad attempts at being funny? Cause it’s really not working and I’m gonna have to ask you to cut it out,” you say as you purse your lips.

“No no! I’m serious, Taehyung heard his older brother talking to some guy on the phone and he was distinctly talking about ‘Y/N that cute senior in Tae’s class’!” Jungkook says it so earnestly with those doe eyes that you can’t help but believe him. Although it does put you in quite a bit of a pickle seeming how your current crush is telling you about boys who in turn are crushing on you.

“I mean, Seokjin is kinda cute—”

“Kinda?? Y/N, honey, that guy has the most perfect face in the whole world. Literally!” You can’t help but doubt if Jungkook himself is in love with the older man, the way he talks about his friend’s hyung is rather suspicious.

“I just don’t know him well enough, y’know?”

“Nobody’s telling you to marry him, just talk to the guy. I saw him shirtless once at Tae’s house and all I’m gonna say is whoo boy, I could grate cheese on his abs!”

You snort at his antics, Jungkook dramatically enacting another one of his encounters with the cheerleader in love with him as you try not to let jealousy tint you green. The familiar grey building appearing in your sight as you advance closer towards it.

The shrill of the school bell rings out through the class. There is a flurry of movement as students scramble to leave the stuffy room, you sit back waiting for the commotion to die down as you gather your notes and stationary to put back in your canvas bag.

You catch a glimpse of Jungkook rushing towards the door when you yell out for him. “Hey, JK! Where do you think you’re going?”

Jungkook stutters while looking back at you, hesitantly making his way towards you with an expression you know far too well.

“Jungkook... Why are you making that face?” you say as you squint your eyes at him. He twiddles his thumbs as his gaze flitters nervously about the room, taking in everything but your face.

“Jungkook.”

“Well... You see I have this little thing to do uh,,, it’s kinda, a little bit important...” he says.

“Oh spit it out, you monkey!” You say, your patience running thin.

“I have a date!” Jungkook says with eyes widened. Your carefully maintained expression slips for just a second and then it’s back on. You look around the room to catch the pretty cheerleader waiting outside the door. She’s standing with her other cheerleader friends and you can tell she’s jittery from the nerves.

Oh, damn it.

You sigh as you decide to let your unnerved friend off the hook, once again. “Fine, just go on your stupid date. But this project is the last one I’ll be covering for you, after this you’re on your own, bud.”

“Oh Y/N, thank you!” Jungkook exclaims as he breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you, thankyouthankyou!!” He repeats as he hugs you clumsily, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you hold your breath, trying to act nonchalant.

The joy of being around your best friend drains from your entire being as your heart weighs heavy again in his absence.

You’re the only one left in the quiet classroom.

You’re still in your uniform sitting on the plush carpet of the Kims’ living room, your notes and study material sprawled in front of you as you take in the bickering pair, Jimin and Tae are smushed together in the bright floral armchair.

You cough once to try and get their attention when Jimin glances at you, looking as if he’s just noticed you. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry were you saying something?”

“Yeah just for the last fucking hour but it’s okay, please continue,” you say with a roll of your eyes. Jimin narrows his eyes at you, making it known that he doesn’t appreciate the sass.

“Remind me again why that beefed up rabbit isn’t here to help with the project?” Taehyung quips as he gets up to get a bottle of strawberry milk from the refrigerator. It’s always a delight to be at his house, his parents are always away for some obscure book meeting leaving their gorgeous home and kitchen free for their kids and their countless friends. You send a silent prayer of gratitude to Mr. and Mrs. Kim for the years you’ve spent at their home to keep from strangling their younger son.

“He’s on a date,” you say lowly.

“A what now?” Jimin asks, eyebrows raised.

“A date,” you mumble.

“A great what, Y/N will you speak up?!”

“JUNGKOOK IS ON A DATE!” you scream, surprising Tae in the kitchen as he yelps with a small crash following.

Jimin’s mouth hangs open, worry written in the droop scrunch of brows. He strides towards you and wraps his arms around your figure, the scent of his classic Chanel perfume wafting up to your nose.

“Oh you poor thing, it’s gonna be okay. Koo’s an idiot, he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” Jimin coos into your hair as you melt in his embrace, finally letting the heaviness weigh you down as you slag against his frame. He pulls away and holds you back to properly examine your face.

“Are you sad?”

“Just a little, although I know I have no right to be,” you say with an unintentional pout. “Jungkook only sees me as his friend, and he has no reason to put me above potential relationships.”

“Shut up for a minute and give yourself a break, honey,” Tae voices out as he comes back into the living room. He stands behind you and pulls you back into his lap as he lets you sit on him like a child complaining to their mum. Jimin takes his place beside him and faces you head on.

“Next time I see him I’m gonna flick him on the forehead,” you say with mild conviction, knowing you’re making empty promises.

“You do that,” Jimin says.

Taehyung rubs your back as you slouch against him, gathering your thoughts and energy to go through the day without crying. You can’t say this is a new occurrence, Taehyung and Jimin have been your closest friends after Jungkook. You’ve spent a gross amount of time with them, and the coddling and comforting has been something unique to your trio. Every time one of you was upset or sad or frustrated, the other two have comforted and joked and babied them, whatever they needed at that point of time.

You take a deep breath and get up out of Tae’s reassuring hold, you sit back down on the carpet. Silently letting them know that you’ll be fine, for now. “Jimin can you handle the titles and diagrams? I’m gonna get started on the typing, and Tae you gotta start preparing for the presentation,” you get back into work mode, rambling out the designated areas for each of you to overlook.

You’re looking through your notes when the tall, striking Kim Seokjin walks out of his room, he goes straight into the kitchen but you can’t help but follow his movements. Or rather his rear end’s movements.

As he’s walking out, he looks at you from his freakishly tall height and winks at you. You feel your heart do a weird little ballet flip, something you’ve reserved for Jungkook for the longest time. You fluster at the gesture and tuck your hair behind your ear, a shy smile painting your face. You look back up and Seokjin is gone, Taehyung looking at you as if he’s in on your little secret moment.

Jimin groans as he looks up from his work, pouting slightly with his plump lips as he complains about the absentee.

“Jimin, it’s okay! Calm down, he’s saved our asses multiple times. We can do this one thing for him, can’t we?” You try to reason.

“Yeah whatever, of course you’ll say that. You’re the one who’s in loooove with him,” Jimin mumbles to himself.

“I am not in love with Jungkook! It is outrageous of you to suggest that,” you say with a squeal of mild anger.

“Oh admit it Y/N, it’s not just a safe little crush on your best friend anymore, you totally want to snog his face off!” Taehyung accuses you with a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. You whine in embarrassment as your press your palms to your face, hoping to cool your heated cheeks.

Taehyung comes up behind you as he hugs you from the back, his head resting your shoulder as he teases you. “Y/N and Kook! Sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!” You squeal in humiliation as Jimin scuffles over to you as he captures you between him and Taehyung.

He joins in on the embarrassing poem, “First comes looooove! Then comes marriage! Then comes a Taehyung in a baby carriage!!” Tae looks up at the blonde haired boy across from him and yells, “Yah! Park Jimin, I’m not gonna be Jungkook’s baby, how dare you?!”

Jimin is too busy laughing like the gremlin he is to answer Tae’s question, his eyes scrunched up as he releases peals of happy laughter. You’re laughing just as hard, if not harder, alongside him. Your sides are in stitches yet you’re so bubbling with pure joy that you don’t bother with the pain in your stomach.

As the laughter dies down, Tae has a solemn look on his face. One that you don’t particularly like seeing because you know he’s gonna coax you into having the uncomfortable conversations you’re too scared to have yourself.

“Seriously, Y/N. Do you... love Jungkook? You know, like that?”

You sigh, “Yeah, I mean, isn’t it obvious? I really, really love him and it just physically hurts me to know that he may never return the sentiment.”

“Then sweetheart you’re gonna have to talk to him! He might actually even return your feelings but be too scared to tell you himself, and even if he does not you can’t keep hurting like this every time he goes on a date,” Jimin says softly, a gentle hand laying your arm.

“Because right now, Y/N, Jungkook is hurting you. And he doesn’t even know he’s doing it, it’s not fair to you nor is it fair to him.”

You know it makes sense, but you just feel so anxious and confused about how things will go if you actually tell Jungkook about your feelings for him. You take a deep breath as you try hard to let your friends in, “I just— I’m scared of how things will be once I tell him, you know? I don’t want to lose my best friend. If loving him from the sidelines is the only kind of relationship we can have I’m absolutely okay with that. I would never ever want to do something that will chase him out of my life.” You don’t realise the tears running down your cheeks until Jimin is brushing them away.

“If the only dates we can have are ramen and banana milk? Then damn it I will drink that banana milk!” you say with a sniffle. “Loving Koo from the outside is better than not loving him at all,” you manage to say before you choke on a sob. Dropping your head into the crook of Jimin’s neck, Tae rubbing your back from behind you.

And you cry in your friends’ embrace. You cry harder than you ever have before.

It’s the week before the end of the school year, you’re walking across the quad to meet with Jungkook under your favourite tree. It’s a light, breezy afternoon, there’s a bounce in your step as your short school skirt swings on your hips. You feel good and you can tell you look good, the sudden air of confidence is a welcome change from your usual skittish demeanour.

You can make out Jungkook’s big form laying on the grass under the apple tree, his bag under his head and earbuds popped in, you’re sure he’s listening to some My Chemical Romance song once again. You’re about to shout his name when a tall someone blocks your path.

You look up at them to find the startlingly handsome face of Kim Seokjin looking down at you. His hair is slicked back to reveal his forehead and the immaculate eyebrows, his hands are shoved into his bomber jacket as he looks at you intensely.

“Uh,,, h-hi Jin,” you squeak under his gaze.

“Hey Y/N,” he says.

“Um, w-what’s up?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to ask you something kind of important,” he says nonchalantly.

“Really? Okay, go ahead,” you attempt to act indifferent to his attention but the butterflies thrumming in your stomach told you otherwise. Seokjin’s hand flits out of his pocket to run through the hair at the back of his neck, his eyes flicker around nervously, “Would you uhm... would you be interested in like, going to the end of year um... dance? W-with me?”

The sudden change in demeanour from cool to nervous is endearing to you, a light giggle spills out of you as you answer with blood red cheeks, “O-of course, I would love to.” You smile up at him shyly. The thought of Jungkook flickering across your mind for a second before you push it away.

You know you can’t be hung up on him for ever, and he’s sure as hell not gonna take you as his date to the dance. And Seokjin is a good person, you like to think you know him pretty well after the years you’ve spent with him and his brother, it also doesn’t hurt his chances that he’s actually the most perfect looking human in the entire world.

“Oh wow, I didn’t think you’d say yes,” he admits, honestly. “Well, great then! I’ll pick you up at your place on the day of?”

“Mmhmm,” you hum as you try to suppress a smile.

“Cool,” he says with the widest grin you’ve ever seen on him, “I gotta go, I’ll see you soon okay?”

You nod at him as he walks away, taking the opportunity to gaze at his broad shoulders. A blissful sigh leaving your lips as you finally let the suppressed smile break across your face.

Shaking your head you continue on your path towards your best friend, who has by now sat up straight and is staring at you with narrowed eyes, a bitter scowl forming on his charming face by the second. You reach his spot and chirp out a greeting, “Hello, what’s up with you face?”

“What did Jin want?”

“Um, I’m good, thanks for asking, how are you?”

He narrowed his eyes even more to the point where he looked like he had slits for eyes, “Answer the question, smart ass.”

“He asked me if I wanted to go to the dance with him? Why?”

“Oh. I didn’t you were taking a date with you to the dance?” He said as he turned his face away from you.

You plopped down beside him, uncaring. “Yeah well it’s really not the coolest to go to a formal school ball all alone. I’m saving for future formal balls where I can embarrass myself to the fullest.” You chuckle at your poor humour.

“Oh you think you’re sooo funny, don’t you? Hilarious Y/N. Well cut it out cause you’re not, and your hair’s dry and you need a new backpack.” Jungkook quite literally huffs as he crosses his arms in a defensive position and leans his back on the apple tree.

You gasp at the sudden jabs, “What is the matter with you?! That’s just mean and my hair is not dry, it is moisturised to it’s best thank you very much!”

“You’re so obtuse,” Jungkook says with a glare.

“What? What did I do?” you ask, only slightly taking offense.

Jungkook moves his body abruptly towards you so that he is facing you head on, you wither under his strong gaze as he huffs again, “You really don’t know?”

“Um if I knew, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we?” you retort, equally annoyed by now.

He continues to stare at you as if you’ve stolen his lunch money, slowly starting to feel uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny when he breathes out loud, “If you don’t get it then you don’t get it, I can’t do anything about it,” and he gets up from his spot.

Gathering his bag he starts walking away from you without a word, although you do hear the words ‘stupid’ and ‘oblivious’ under his breath as he moves farther away from your stumped figure.

It had been four solid days that Jungkook ignored you, he avoided you at every meeting and stopped sitting beside you in all the classes you shared. Although four days doesn’t seem like much it was just grossly too long for the amount of time the two of you spent together otherwise, you were annoyed and frustrated but more than anything you felt shunned. Jungkook had never once behaved like this with you and this was an entirely new side of him you were being exposed to.

Two days before the end of school, Jungkook had once again avoided you and sat way over at the other end of the room with his cheerleader groupies. You were dangerously close to tears as he was your only friend in the majority of your classes, you only shared History and Literature with Tae and Jimin and without your best friend you were left completely alone.

The bell rang announcing the end of the period and the school day, you were fed up of this treatment and decided to make things right no matter what. You got up from your desk and walked over to Jungkook’s with what little courage you could gather. You waved timidly at him, he was speaking to the pretty girls who were twirling their curls around their fingers and making eyes at the handsome boy.

“Hey, Kook we should talk,” you said softly.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I don’t want to speak with you.” You felt like he’d just slapped you with the formal smile he was giving you. Anger like fire rushed through your veins as you grabbed his arm and dragged him behind you and out of the classroom, the girls looking on with wide eyes as the centre of their attention was whisked away by the shy girl they never paid attention to.

You storm into the boy’s bathroom at the corner next to your class, swinging around to face your friend as you cross your arms and raise and eyebrow, “Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Y/N.”

“What the fuck do you mean there’s nothing to talk about?” you say sharply.

He winces at your usage of the cuss word, “Listen Y/N, I don’t want to fight, please just let it go and let’s move on with our lives.”

“Jungkook?! You won’t even tell me what I did wrong? How do you expect me to move on from something I don’t even know? Please, just tell me why you’re upset and I promise I’ll make it right,” you say pleadingly.

Jungkook chuckles softly, “If only you could.”

You reach forward and place your arms on his thick biceps, you look at him earnestly, “Please Kook, don’t do this to us. Tell me what happened? Please?”

He takes a shaky breath as you notice the tension on his brows, “I just— I thought if you’d ever go to a school dance,”

“What about the school dance?” you whisper.

“I thought if you’d ever go to a school dance... it would be with me...” he says softly.

You feel like your breath has been knocked out of you. Your arms feel suddenly too light, panic wraps its hands around your belly and squeezes.

Somehow you find it in yourself to push through the nerves and ask, “Jungkook... D-do you mean to say what I think you do?”

“If you think I mean to say that I like you then yeah, it’s exactly what you think,” he replies with a slight pout.

You laugh out of relief and realisation, all this while the boy you were in love with had liked you back and you had been to stupid to see it. Everything clicks into place and you piece together all the weird reactions over the years, the sudden bursts of jealousy and possessiveness all make sense now that you know he likes you. He really likes you too.

“Jungkook, you idiot! I like you too, I’ve liked you since fucking forever, oh my god.”

His eyes shine brighter at your words, “Really? Then what was that whole thing with Seokjin and going to the dance as his date?”

“That was just because I was too tired of watching you date girl after girl, I thought I should finally try to move on from you,” you say, “It was tiring to see the boy I love hook up with all these gorgeous girls and know that I’ll never be able to tell him how much I like him.”

Jungkook has the manners to look sheepish as his cheeks grow red, “You love me?”

“I— No of course not I just said it—”

“You love me! Y/N is in love with me!!” He all but whoops. You hide your face in your hands as he announces smugly that you, are in fact in love with him.

“Hey Y/N,” he says suddenly, voice dropping several octaves to send a shiver down your entire body.

You peek out from behind your fingers to sneak a look at him, only to find his face right in front of yours and dangerously close. His big brown eyes are staring into yours as you take in the gorgeous, long lashes; his lips are pink and a cheeky bunny smile shows of his teeth. He whispers and you feel his minty breath on your face, “I love you, too.”

[fandom-blackhole]

Hello there, my darling. It is me 🐣. Forst of all, sorry for leaving you on ''read''. I've been too busy with shitshow happening in my life. Finally, late at night I can indulge in our little world. Also, I am so happy that other readers have been participating! I've seen so many good points! Oh, but I felt kinda bad for the anonnie who was dissatisfied with Boba's lack of proper sexting. Sorry not sorry but I have a blast everytime we bully tech-grandpa Boba. Okay, onto your entries!

Yes, camping with Paz!!! He lives for hiking,

Also sharing a sleeping bag with him,

Yes, yes, especially since nights in the mountains are definitely cold 😉,

Oh god, oh yes, after some intense wrestling session, laying together and stargazing,

Paz with tatts??

Hell yeah!

I've seen noonies being onto idea that Paz is a geek,

So he definitely has a sleeve tatt with all of his favorite heroes,

Also Miles Morales! Omg, yes, Paz favorite movie is Into the Spoderverse!,

Also Paz has some inspirational/self-love related tattoos in this foreign language (mando'a?),

Trip too Zoo with our beloved clan = a disaster,

Lots of pics of Din holding Grogu while petting and feeding animals 😍,

Grogu and his weird food fixation, bless his soul,

Yes! DIPPIN' DOTS, BLUE RASPBERRY ICE FTW,

Yes a frog stuffie!!! When you guys get back home, he waddles back to his cool space room and introduces baby Yoda to his new friend!,

Ah yes, the frog catching disaster,

You and Din discussing getting Grogu a pet frog,

Uncle Paz helps with getting the right terrarium kit!,

You often catch Paz babytalking to his Ad'ika,

Typicial, who's the good boy? Yes, you are,

Also Paz playing dead and his little companion jumping all over him to revive him,

Din as Mando, Grogu as Baby Yoda and you as Omera, you say?? Heck yeah!,

Also Razor Crest needs a costume as well!,

Uncle Boba throwing a huge ass Halloween party,

Big deal event, celebrities showing up,

Kudos to anon who pitched the idea of Bonnie and Clyde!,

Also Pedro Pascal shows up at the party too,

He is dressed as mando,

Shitshow is about to go down 😂,

People getting confused because Pedro and Din not only have similar posture but they also sound similar, it's too uncanny-valley,

Boba would definitely kidnap you from the dance floor to do some urgent wrestling!,

Also umm 😳 gunplay!kink Boba 😳,

You and Paz going trick or treating!!!,

Witch Paz once casted a curse upon a customer who was being a huge karen to the waitress,

He loves his employees dearly, so no messing around is allowed!,

His employees were shipping you with him long before you became a thing,

Paz once jokingly said that he would lick and eat anything off of you,

You were like hmm even spaghetti?,

And he was like heck yess,

Eww, Paz baby, gross!

Next time he was slurp slurping pasta from your body, srsly this goofball,

Afterwards, he cleaned you nicely, through and through no worries,

Giving Boba a head while he dives his expensive car? 😳,

Also he has a big hot tube and a pool in his penthouse!,

Drinking expensive alcohol while snuggling in the tub?,

Making Boba to loosen up, skinny dipping in the pool??,

You and Din were wrestling rather intensively, and he mumbled something about adding another child to you little family,

You didn't pay much attention to that,

Until he started to grunt about putting a baby in you every now and then,

You having a talk with him,

He shyly explaining that it was his deepest desire to have a big loving family,

Admitting that vision of you carrying for Grogu makes him bothered every time,

Also he said he couldn't get the image of you with a baby bump out of his head,

Omg Paz being infertile???

You've just broken my heart as wel...

But Boba and Kamino project to the rescue???,

Or alternatively, he would have no problem adopting children, being blood related isn't important to him at all,

Auntie Armorer comforting him about his problem,

But imagine if he somehow managed to get you pregnant... 😭😭😭

Also, Mr Fett senior looking up from the heavens at his son, thinking when he'd get grandchildren to carry on the family ''business'' legacy

Once again sorry for the lack of my participation I will try to tune in more often, my darling! Also, I didn't add much this time sorry my mind was somewhere else this time. I will try to add more ideas later! - 🐣

Welcome back darling!!! I missed you, and don't worry about being away take all the time you need. I am also glad that you enjoyed all of our other little rambles that I've answered!

Paz named his dog Ad'ika, this man most definitely has quotes/self love tattoos in mando'a, mandalorian ruins, or aurebesh

Paz has a tattoo for all of his fallen friends and teammates he lost while he was in military

Paz baby talking his dog is so fucking cute!!!

Paz definitely taught his dog all of the tricks, including play dead

When the two of you go trick or treating some of the kids do get scared of him because he's dressed like chewie and he's huge. He pouts because he didn't mean to scare them

Paz totally does little curses to the people who come in and are rude, you don't treat his employees like that, or the other customers without retaliation

His employees had a pool going to see how long it takes before Paz actually mans up and asks you out, and then another one fore how long it'll take before the two of you are married

If you would let him, Paz would never use a plate again. He would eat anything and everything off of you, but his favorites are sweets

Chocolate syrup, yes please. Paz makes sure to thoroughly clean you up 😉

Paz finally opens up to you about his impotency issues one night and you hold him close telling him that, that doesn't matter to you

Paz would and could adopt every child he meets if he could

But also like imagine, one day while you both are still dating, you've missed your period for a month or two, but you don't think much about it because you can't have kids with Paz right?

Well you go to the doctors because something is obviously wrong, and because it is procedure they run a pregnancy and it comes back positive and you're just floored

When you get home and Paz asks how everything went, worried about you, you just blurt it out and Paz freezes

He doesn't know what to think, he's overjoyed and he loves you, but he isn't supposed to be able to have kids, so is it his kid? He quickly yeets that thought away because he knows and trusts you

After that he goes full daddy bear mode and is protective of you and just constantly trying to hover over you

Also Paz helping Grogu with finding and taking care of a frog

Din absolutely melted at the sight of Grogu feeding the animals, it made him so proud of his son

Grogu loves all of his stuffed animals and he is constantly playing and talking with them

His favorite is ofcourse his baby yoda

GROGU POINTS TO PEDRO AND ALWAYS CALLS HIM DAD. He does this with the mandalorian and just any pictures

You totally introduce Grogu to bubble tea, and he absolutely L O V E S it

Din making little comments about about want creating a family with you

Din always begging to cum inside of you

Grogu once asked for a little brother or sister and Din almost combusted

As for what Razor Crest should be for Halloween, I would say either a ting Razor Crest ship or tiny Kryate Dragon?

Pedro would be so ecstatic to meet his basically identical twin

(You accidentally go up to Pedro and kiss his cheek at one point before you realize you mixed and Din pouts)

Boba's Halloween party is totally Great Gatsby themed

Boba totally keeps trying to get handsys and you have to push him away

Slow and passionate wrestling in Boba's hot tub

ROAD HEAD! ROAD HEAD!

I raise you, Boba fingering the life out of you as he's driving

Imagine finding a picture of Boba and Jango and smiling at Boba telling him he looks just like his father

Boba joking about carrying on the tradition and making a little Boba

Then the both of you just look at eachother and pretty much jump eachother simultaneously

(Also imagine getting kidnapped by an enemy crime syndicate and Boba just going on a war path)

(SEND ME THOTS!!!)

[champhangman]

Recipe for a Perfect Christmas - Part 10

Title: Recipe for a Perfect Christmas Part: 10/12 Theme: Day #10: Baking / Cookies / Gingerbread Fandom / Character(s): AEW / Nick Jackson x OFC Warnings: None. A little cursing? Word Count: 5,053 Soundtrack: Spotify Previously: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Summary: In the space of six months, Natalie Gibbs lost her fiancé, her job, her apartment, and what little bit of cheer she had. Moving back home after being on her own for years, she hopes to get back on her feet after the holidays. But a nosy best friend, a stubborn coot of a father, and a handsome new neighbor might change her plans, her holidays, and her life. Notes: My entry for day 10 of @12daysofchristmas​. ALSO THERE ARE ONLY TWO MORE PARTS AAAHH!!! 

The Tag Crew:  @adampage / @cowboyshit / @lilmisswhiskeygypsy /  @bigpixiefoot / @mindofasagittaruis / @kalliravenne / @sadlittlecountess / @baronsbelleevangeline / @brie-mode-activated / @xbreezymeadowsx / @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch / @wardl0w / @hotyeehawman / @waywardwrestlewritingwaif / @drewshoneybadger  / @mysteryoflovve / @knnyomega / @rampagewriting / @hurricanranabaybay / @linziland13 / @bastardkingbrutalizer/  @snarkandsarcasmftw / @rubyred1980 / @champnick / @edgecution / @nething4perfection / @gabbynorth98 (please drop me an ask/send me a message/reply to my post if you’d like to be tagged)

***

Part 10 – Fix This

Lift the bundle from the crock. Untie and remove cheesecloth. Brush with liquor and syrup mixture. Wrap in waxed paper. Place in box. Seal. Wrap and fasten with red ribbon. Affix tag. Add to stack.

Repeat.

The steady, repetitive task kept Natalie's mind blank. The kitchen reeked of fruitcake and the liquor and syrup. She had purposefully chosen non-Christmas music to play on her phone, though had somehow missed a couple carols on her playlist. Adding another cheesecloth to the pile, she picked up the brush and dipped it into the bowl, sweeping the syrup over the top of the cake then sliding it onto the waxed paper.

She couldn't hear anything above the music playing in her ears but knew the moment the back door opened. She wasn't sure if it was because of the cold air that slipped into the kitchen, or the shadow that moved in her peripheral vision. Pausing in her task, she held her breath, finally turning to see her father washing his hands in the sink. He didn't say a word, even after she removed her earbuds, and she felt the pain in the silence as he took another fruitcake from the large crock.

They worked without speaking. She remembered a long-ago night when they had worked in this fashion. When the air had been thick with the words she had already said and the silence had been painful. The only difference was that they were both a little older.

As he placed the last fruitcake on the counter, she felt a pang in her chest. The last fruitcake was always taken home. It was the only one he allowed himself, even though it was his favorite holiday treat and hers, too. He wrapped it meticulously in the waxed paper, as those for customers had been wrapped, then paused.

Natalie furrowed her brow when he unfolded the paper and reached for one of the knives on the magnetic strip. She wanted to ask what he was doing, but it was obvious he was going to slice into the fruitcake. Despite his self-imposed rule that it wait for Christmas Eve, when it would be enjoyed with his best brandy after getting back from the candlelight service at church. She watched the knife glide through the cake, watched the slices cascade, then watched him set the knife down.

"I don't have my brandy," he said.

"It's not Christmas Eve," she pointed out.

"Are you gonna be here then?" he asked.

Her breath caught, and she thought of her laptop, which she'd left on the kitchen table, browser open and left on the page saying her application and resumé had been successfully submitted. "I think I will."

"Then we'll take another one home for then." He picked up a slice and looked at it.

"Two fruitcakes for yourself?"

"Why the hell not."

Natalie bit her lip, waiting for him to bite into the slice. When he didn't, she frowned.

"Did I ever tell you where I got this recipe?" he asked, still staring at it.

"I don't think so."

"It was in your mother's family. Started as a Christmas pudding with her great-grandmother in England, and when they immigrated they adapted it. Her mother perfected it. It was the one thing I'd never been able to do right, and when we got married, she and your Nana showed me how to do it properly." He sighed. "It was the third-best thing she ever gave me."

"What were first and second?"

"Second was her love and partnership over the twenty-two years we had together." He turned, holding the slice of fruitcake out to her.

She took it, knowing just by touch and smell that it had been prepared perfectly. "What was the first?"

"You."

"Oh, Dad," she whispered, vision blurring with tears. She wasn't a gift. She was a nightmare. She'd left him at the worst possible time, had distanced herself for years, and had only come back because she had no choice. And her knee-jerk reaction when she got upset had been to do the exact same thing. But it occurred to her that if she got the job in Chicago and left, that she wouldn't be welcomed back so warmly. "I think you're wrong."

"I never thought I was."

"Even when I left?"

"Especially then."

"How?" she asked, setting the slice down. She didn't deserve a bite. "How could you still think I was great when I basically told you to take this place and shove it?"

"Because you're my child. And I'll always love you. I'll always be proud of you."

She shook her head. "I'm nothing to be proud of. I've had how many jobs? I either choose a place about to go bankrupt or a company I don't fit in with—"

"That's just bad luck, Natalie."

"How many punches on my bad luck card do I have to get before I get some good luck?" Natalie shook her head again and pushed away from the counter. "Ever since Mom died, I've spiraled like water in a toilet before it flushes down."

"You think you're the only one?" he asked, scowling. "You think you're the only person this world craps on? Grow up. People around the world have it worse in a day than you have in a year."

She gaped at him, not sure if she was insulted by or surprised by his outburst.

"There are folks out there who don't know where there next meal is coming from. Families that have to choose between keeping the lights on or putting food on the table for the week. People get kicked out of their supposedly loving homes because of who they're attracted to or what they do or don't believe in and have to fend for themselves. Kids that are sick and dying but can't get the help they need."

"I know," she said. "But—"

"You've never had to worry about any of that. Because of this place," he said, gesturing around them. "Because my grandparents chose this little spot to settle after they got married, and because they put years of blood and sweat and tears and love into this dump. And then your grandparents stepped in and kept it going. When prices had to go up and sales slacked off, we went without just to keep this place open. Then it was my turn, and when you came along I swore that I would do everything I could to make sure you never had to want for anything."

"Dad—"

"You're allowed to be selfish. I know when you're down how hard it is to see that it could be so much worse. But you don't have it so bad. There's a roof over your head and you didn't have to pay for your schooling." He inhaled then exhaled shakily. "I wanted you to take over for me when it was my turn to hang up my apron, because it's the family business. And yes, it hurt like hell when you told me you'd rather do anything else, but I knew I had to let you go."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She didn't know what else to say.

"I'm sorry that you're upset because I'm selling the place. But I'm not sorry I'm doing it. You don't want it. Matt does. And he'll be successful, because he loves this almost as much as I do."

"Does he?"

"He does. I told him I'd take down all the old stuff and he insisted it stay. He doesn't want to change it. He said…" Her father paused, closing his eyes briefly. "He said there are lifetimes of memories on the walls and he wouldn't dream of wiping them away."

"He's right." Anywhere she looked she could pull up a memory. The counter, currently stacked with fruitcakes, wiped clean and being dusted with flower so her mother could teach her how to knead. The row of knives on the magnetic strip, which she had taken down once a week so her father could sharpen them. It was a physical rolodex of memories, good and bad, and so was the shopfront, where she had spent the afternoons of her childhood. "I grew up in this building."

"I know you did."

"It was the last place I saw Mom." She stared in the direction of the back door, which her mother had pushed open and then paused, unruly snowflakes floating inside as she reminded Natalie to put the chicken on for dinner. Her own bored reply echoed in her mind and she again felt the flush of guilt and shame.

"Me, too." He finally stepped away from the counter, limping over to switch on the coffeepot near the oven. He stopped, placing one hand on the door of the oven. "She was mad at me."

"She was?" Natalie frowned. She didn't recall her mother being mad. Rushing, yes, and complaining about the weather she had to drive in, but not mad. "What about?"

"I was supposed to go shopping with her. But I had to put in an order, and was running late on getting the work for morning done. She didn't like driving in the snow. I told her to stop being a baby. She told me I was being an inconsiderate ass. It was my fault she was leaving late, and it's my fault she went alone."

"Dad, no," Natalie whispered. "It wasn't your fault."

"I know the accident wasn't. Not really. But… It was. If I'd left the work for morning go until we got back, or told her to wait until the next afternoon… Or if I'd delayed her longer so she was five minutes later. Or had told her to leave earlier…" Leonard drew in a shaky breath. "She wouldn't have been in that spot when that driver hit the bit of ice."

"But it could have happened to her either way. Or it could have been so much worse." The fact that no one else had been injured or died in the accident had at first been a point of anger, but it had shifted into a comfort. Her mother would have been upset at more loss of life. "Or you could have been in the car and died, too."

"I know all that, sweetie. It doesn't make it easier."

"I know," she murmured. She hesitated, then finally closed the space between them.

"I didn't tell her I loved her."

"I didn't either."

He lowered his head and her heart broke for him. She slowly reached forward and placed her hand on his arm. He turned slightly and her breath hitched at the tears in his eyes. "It hurts every day I walk in here, because I always remember that my last words to her were 'hurry home' and not that I loved her."

"She knew you loved her. Dad, she knew."

"She knew you loved her, too." He wrapped his arm around her and exhaled slowly. "She would be so proud of you."

"Sometimes I think so." Natalie squeezed her eyes shut. "She'd hate that I'm single and childless, though."

"Yeah, she did want grandkids," he murmured with a quick chuckle. "But more importantly she wanted you happy."

"I thought I was. Then I wasn't. For a little bit when I first moved back I was. Now I'm not again." Sniffling, she pressed her face into his shirt.

"Have you talked to Nick?"

She stiffened and pulled away, brushing her tears away while turning to put the boxed fruitcakes away. "There's nothing to talk to him about."

"He didn't do anything, sweetie."

"He lied to me."

"And you've never lied?"

"Not about something this important." Picking up two boxes, she carried them to the storage rack.

"I lied, too. Be mad at me."

"I love you too much to stay mad at you," she admitted.

"I was gonna say the same thing." He got his garish mug from its hook above the coffeepot and filled it. "You love him, too."

"No I don't."

"You're lying again."

"I don't!" She set the next two fruitcakes down with more force than necessary. "God, I don't even know him."

"Well." When she glanced over, her father was twirling the coffee in his cup. "You know him pretty well, I'd imagine."

"I'd rather not talk about that."

"You never said how his scrambled eggs were."

"They were sunny side up."

He chuckled. "You do love a runny yolk."

"It takes more than sex and a good cooked egg for love, Dad."

"You know what it took for your mother and me?" He waited until she threw up her hands in silent defeat and smiled. "A laugh."

"A laugh," she repeated, blinking in confusion. "Really?"

"She was visiting her cousin over the summer. They came in one morning for donuts and I shortchanged her." His smile widened and Natalie knew he was lost in the memory. "Wish I could say it was because she was so beautiful I forgot how to subtract, but it was because I was in a hurry so I could go out back and smoke. She came back in a few minutes later and then marched right out back to tell me to give her the three dollars I owed her. Then she took the cigarette from me and threw it on the ground. Hop to it, she said, snapping her fingers. I asked her who the hell she thought she was, and when she said either my dream customer or my worst nightmare, I laughed in her face."

Natalie smiled. She'd heard the tale before, but only that her mother had come in and had thought Leonard was cute. She had only meant to stay in town two weeks to visit her cousin, then had extended her stay to last the entire summer. She'd come back over her Christmas break from college and had never left except to go get her things from her dorm.

"She told me the night I proposed that she fell in love with me right then."

"That's sweet, Dad. But it's more complicated for me and Nick."

"Because you're making it complicated."

"He doesn't even know what he's going to do after Matt and Shayna move into the house."

"So?"

"And I might be leaving."

"And?"

"I don't think Nick's the type to follow a woman to Chicago." She sighed. "He doesn't like big cities."

"There's always a suburb. And the type of work he does he can do anywhere."

"Plus he lied to me."

"Because it wasn't any of his business. It was my job to tell you, and I royally screwed that up. He cares about you."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm not blind, sweetie." He sighed and took a sip of his coffee. "Don't push him away. You know he's a good man."

"He is," she agreed.

"And I guess he's okay looking."

"He is," she said again. He was more than okay looking.

"I'm not trying to push you into a relationship with him, I just want you to patch things up. It's up to you to do that."

"I guess so."

"But do it quick."

"Why?"

"I miss Penny."

***

Nick slid the last cookie onto the platter and tossed the cooling rack into the sink. Baking wasn't his strength, but he had always heard that the scent of fresh-baked cookies made a house smell like home. He knew his brother would be slightly disgusted that he'd bought and baked pre-made dough, but it was the best he could do. Setting the platter on the island counter, he moved to rinse the racks and dried them off before pushing them into the drawer next to the stove. He wiped down the sink, slightly adjusted the platter of cookies, then did a quick look through the house to make sure everything was truly ready.

It was. He'd made up all the beds with the sheets his brother and sister in-law had brought. There was a new puzzle mat waiting for Michael in his new room. For Madison was a set of toy horses, one of which resembled Bonny and her foal. On the dresser in the master bedroom was a vase filled with purple roses and a gift certificate to the town's salon for Shayna. Next to it was the pair of sunglasses he'd purchased to replace the ones of Matt's he'd broken accidentally. Shayna's home office was ready to go except for her computer and whatever little things she wanted to place on the shelves. The bedroom he had been using was clean, his things mostly packed and ready to be loaded into his truck after Christmas when he left. He wasn't sure but he had an inkling it would soon be made into a nursery. Matt's home office downstairs was ready to go, complete with the new computer Shayna had ordered for him. The playroom was organized and neat, all the toys in their respective cubbies. The living room and den and dining room were ready, and he knew without looking that the basement was, too.

He ran his hand along the back of the couch, swallowing as his fingers traced the buffalo plaid blanket. His gaze moved to the plush rug in front of the fireplace and he tried his best to ignore the way his chest squeezed. Turning his attention to the Christmas decorations, he nodded to himself, glancing to the twinkling tree in front of the bow window. Underneath it were two wrapped gifts for Madison and Michael to open that night. Moving into the front hall, he idly adjusted the lighted garland twining down the banister of the staircase.

From the utility room behind the kitchen came a small yip, and he watched Penny come trotting through to the front hall, skidding to a stop at the front door, where she sat, tail thumping excitedly.

"They here?" he asked, bending to scratch behind her ears while he opened the door. She waited, body starting to wriggle, then darted out as soon as Matt's SUV was parked and the engine cut off. Nick leaned in the doorway, smiling, as the dog rushed around in excited circles, then zoomed to greet first Shayna and then Matt.

"Hey!" Matt laughed when Penny leaped through his open door.

"Penny," Nick called, stepping out onto the porch. "C'mon, girl."

A few seconds later she jumped out of the passenger door, and took her time to join him on the porch. Her tail wagged incessantly as Shayna let Madison out, and when they headed across she gave another yip of greeting.

"Hey," Nick greeted, catching Madison when she threw herself at him in a hug. "Good drive?"

"Mommy peed three times," the girl announced.

"Yes thank you, Madison," Shayna sighed. "I'm sure Nick needs to know about my bladder function."

He knew why already, but he had to ask. Grinning, he caught her in a quick hug while Matt carried Michael from the car. "Did Matt make you drink coffee again?"

"He knows better by now." Shayna smiled. The same smile she'd given him twice before. "I've been drinking more water today."

"Why?" he asked, making a face.

"Damned if I know." She moved inside, then turned around and grabbed his arm. "You know, don't you?"

"Know what?" he grunted, stumbling when she yanked on his sleeve. "Shayna!"

"He told you!" She glared at Matt, who was just coming up the steps. "You told him!"

"I didn't tell him a damn thing!"

"Oooo!" Michael's eyes widened. "Bad Daddy."

"Your mother drops the f-word three times a day and I get scolded for saying damn?" Matt shook his head. "What's up with that?"

"Mommy." The boy shrugged as though that were enough explanation, then tipped his head back to look at the lights crisscrossing the ceiling of the porch. "Pretty lights."

"The decorating looks great, Nick," Matt said, nodding with approval. "Your best work."

"Thanks. I had thorough instructions."

"It does look great," Shayna agreed, still holding onto his sleeve. "It looked so beautiful from the street. Did you leave—"

"Room on the main tree for the kids' ornaments, yes," Nick finished for her, nodding. "Can I have my arm back now?"

"Did he tell you?" she asked.

"No, he didn't."

Her eyes narrowed behind her glasses. "You were supposed to ask me what he allegedly told you."

Nick blinked, then slowly turned his head to look at his brother. "What'd she say?"

"You gave the wrong answer." Matt looked at his wife. "I didn't tell him."

"But he knows."

"I gotta nose," Michael announced, jamming his index finger in one nostril. "See?"

"Ew," Shayna groaned. Letting go of Nick's sleeve, she took the boy from Matt and began rummaging in her purse for a tissue. "No boogers, please, Mommy can't handle it today. Do I smell cookies?"

Madison jumped up from where she'd been lying, loving on Penny. "Cookies? You baked, Nick?"

"Uh, yeah, but—"

"Cookies!"

"They're the pre-made stuff," Nick told Matt before he could ask. "Don't judge me."

"I judge you every damn day, it's my right as your older brother." Matt grinned and headed inside. "Wow, you've made a lot of progress. All the floors are finished?"

"Yeah." Nick closed the front door while the kids ran towards the kitchen.

"Oh my god," Shayna gasped, freezing in the archway to the living room. Her hands came up to cover her mouth, and she slowly spun to stare at him.

"Surprise," he said, smiling.

"Babe, the dining room – Whoa," Matt said, joining his wife.

"You said it would be after Christmas," she said.

"I lied?" More than a little touched by their reaction, especially when he saw the glimmer of tears in Shayna's eyes, he cleared his throat. "I didn't want you to have to cram the last of the moving into those few days after Christmas, and… I wanted to give y'all a good gift. Especially with, y'know."

"What?" Matt asked, unzipping his coat.

"You know," Nick said slowly.

"Oh for fuck's sake, we all know I'm pregnant again, stop tiptoeing around it." Shayna flung her arms around Nick and squeezed. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," he murmured, hugging her back. "You guys deserve to spend Christmas in your new house."

"The upstairs is done, too?" she asked.

"Beds made, rugs vacuumed, everything already here is put away." He smiled when she headed up the stairs. "I even put a mint on the pillows."

"You're an asshole for not telling us it was finished, but I love you," she called over her shoulder.

"Love you too," he promised.

Matt hung up his coat, then picked up Shayna's from where she'd dropped it. "When did you finish?"

"Couple days ago. I spent yesterday and today doing the decorating and cleaning up." Nick picked up Shayna's purse and set it on the console table. "I figured I could rent a van and start bringing the rest of your stuff down next week."

"That'd be great. Did Natalie help?"

Nick tried to not react to the mention of her name, but knew his brother had caught something when his eyebrows lifted. "No, she didn't."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"She found out about the bakery."

Matt sucked in a breath between his teeth. "Lenny said he was gonna tell her this weekend."

"She found something about it from a lawyer." Moving into the living room, Nick crossed to the fireplace and adjusted the screen. "She was upset. At me."

"Because you didn't tell her?"

"Yeah."

Matt nodded. "It wasn't fair to ask you not to say anything."

"If I'd told her, she still would have been upset," he sighed, staring at the fire. Not wanting to remember what had occurred in that spot the last time the fire had been going, he stepped away, pushing his hands into his pockets.

"Maybe not as bad."

Nick sighed. "Doesn't matter. She's done with me."

"Done?"

"I asked her if we could talk about it and she said she had nothing more to say to me." He shrugged, trying his best to pretend he wasn't as affected by her cold dismissal as he truly was.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Matt whispered. "It's all my fault."

"No it's not."

"I should have told her. I should have made Lenny tell her. I should have told Ashley. I should have—"

"Matt, stop. It just wasn't meant to be."

"You're gonna give up?"

"It wasn't like it could go anywhere."

"Why the hell not? You like her. She likes you. There were hearts in your eyes and music playing whenever you looked at each other."

"It's better this way," he insisted. "I'm leaving after Christmas."

"You're what?"

Nick jerked his head up at the sound of Shayna's voice. Sighing, he nodded. "I'm leaving after Christmas."

"Why? Where are you going? What are you gonna do?" she asked, glancing towards the kitchen. She squatted down, catching Michael when he toddled up to her and thrust a cookie in her face.

"Nick cookies," the boy said proudly, bringing the cookie back so he could take a large bite.

"Where's your sister?" Shayna unzipped her son's coat and struggled to get it off without making him let go of the cookie. "Madison!"

Nick watched his niece appear, coat hanging from her arms. She shook it off then dragged it to the coat rack. And, when her mother told her to go look at her room, she took off upstairs.

"Well?" Shayna demanded, straightening and looking at him.

"I'll figure something out between now and then," he said.

"I thought you were looking at the place on the edge of town."

Nick swiveled his gaze to his brother.

Matt shrugged. "I tell her everything."

"Take Michael up to see his room," she said, eyes never leaving Nick. "I've got to talk to your brother."

"Good luck," Matt whispered before scooping his son into his arms.

***

She wasn't usually one for exercise. But the day was so nice. It was damp due to the rain the night before, and the snow was still in thick drifts, but the sun was shining and it was warm enough she didn't need a thick coat. She had felt closed-up, something she wasn't used to feeling, and had finally thrown on a jacket and decided to go for a brisk walk to clear her head. At first she kept to the side streets, and after going around until she was nearly back home, she headed for Main Street and then followed it along until she reached the outskirts of town.

Stopping to unzip her jacket and consider how she wanted to go back through town, she felt a sudden prickle of awareness. She turned slightly, seeing first the 'For Sale' sign and then the little white clapboard split-level. Mr. Wright's house, she thought, recalling hearing that he had moved to the center of town to live with his sister. Her gaze moved to the truck in the driveway and her chest lurched.

Nick.

As though her presence had conjured him up, the door opened and he stepped outside, laughing. Mr. Wright was behind him, laughing as well, and the two men stood on the small porch, chatting.

Her heart squeezed almost painfully. He didn't see her. Or maybe he did and he didn't care enough to acknowledge? She wavered, unsure whether to call out a greeting or turn and go away before he could look in her direction. She hadn't yet made up her mind what she wanted to say to him, or if she wanted to say anything to him at all. She looked on as the men shook hands, and took a step forward just as Nick started down the steps.

He stopped, so she did as well. Despite the distance she saw the hesitance in his expression, and bit her lip when he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

Oh, damn it, she had to speak to him. She continued walking forward, sneakers slipping a little on the pile of snow at the end of the flagstone walk. With each step she tried to think of something to say, but then she saw that he was walking toward her. They met halfway and both stopped at the same time.

Natalie pulled her earbuds from her ears, hastily winding the cord before cramming it into the pocket of her jacket. What was she supposed to say? How could she begin to explain her outburst, her irrational anger towards him that had now faded? What could she possibly say to make it even a little bit better? There was an awkward tension between them and even though she couldn't look away from him she knew that Mr. Wright had sensed it when she heard him mutter something and go back into the house.

Nick's eyes looked a little sad and she wondered if that were her fault.

"I'm sorry," she blurted.

"I'm sorry," he said at the same time.

"I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you—"

"I should have told you when you asked—"

"It wasn't fair—"

"It was wrong to keep you in the dark—"

"I dragged you in the middle when you were just a bystander—"

"I just didn't want to upset you—"

"I blew it all out of proportion because I was hurt—"

"Especially when I realized I was falling for you so fast and—"

"I was thinking I might be falling in love even though we just met—"

They both stopped. At the same time.

Natalie blinked. So did he. She didn't know why, but she began to smile. And was relieved when he did, too. A laugh bubbled up when they both took a step forward. Slipping her hand into his when he held it out, she sighed.

"You wanna go for a walk?" he asked.

"I just did, but yes."

They strolled to the sidewalk, and his fingers slotted between hers. "Can we talk, too?"

"I think we should." She stopped, frowning. "You're just gonna leave your truck?"

"I can walk back and get it."

Resuming her steps, she squeezed his hand. "I'll walk back with you."

[virtual-toast]

Scream Queens VH1 recap - Season 1 Episode 2

Michelle, Sarah, Kylah, and Jessica come back from the grand ballroom and the rest of the girls are shocked and/or pissed that Jo-Anne went home instead of Kylah. Lindsay says “This house will mourn the loss of Jo-Anne” and Sarah, in tears, calls her “such a sensational actress”, which are both super melodramatic reactions, you knew Jo-Anne for three days, but okay. Meanwhile Kylah has no idea why everyone is upset that she’s still there haha.

The following day sees Kylah declaring the house has been divided into the “queen bitches” (herself, Michelle, Lina, and Angela) and the “more homely girls” (Marissa, Lindsay, and Sarah). I’m assuming she’s put Tanedra and Jessica in the latter category too but she doesn’t mention them specifically. The bitchy girls talk shit about the other girls behind their backs, specifically about how they think Sarah didn’t deserve to win the previous episode, that she’s ugly and annoying, etc.

The girls meet up with Shawnee who tells them they have 15 minutes to dress themselves up and impress a casting director (Kelly Wagner, who seems pretty cool tbh) with the winner getting a guaranteed callback. While getting ready, Michelle and Angela mention that if the winner is not one of the bitchy girls, the competition must be rigged. An awful lot of confidence for week 2, lol.

The girls go back into the room with Shawnee and meet Kelly. They take turns doing a sort of one on one interview / audition, which I’m gonna summarise in dot points because they each get a small amount of screen time:

Lindsay talks about being a child actor and Kelly says that means she probably actually has a harder job than someone just starting out. Lindsay is wearing a weird sort of frilly top and skirt with polka dots but it somehow doesn’t really work for her shape, and Kelly mentions it as well as Shawnee straight up calling her frumpy. True, but also, rude.

Lina goes up and immediately shakes Kelly’s hand. She doesn’t even get a word out before Kelly is like “yeah no, don’t shake casting directors’ hands, personal space / germs” etc.

Kylah talks about playing Price is Right with her brother which Kelly says is a bad choice because she’s automatically associating herself with being a model rather than an actress. Kylah proceeds to mention that she wants to “get ugly, get dirty, like Halle Berry did in Monster.” cringe

Marissa gets up and starts off on this huge spiel about how horror films are like modern Greek tragedies and everyone is just staring at her like GIRL WHAT.

Michelle introduces herself and Kelly asks if she primarily does theatre because of her big personality. Michelle proceeds to brag about being Miss Teen Texas.

Jessica is wearing a smart-casual outfit of jeans and a simple white top with her trademark giant hoop earrings. Kelly comments on her look being unique. Jessica is kinda speaking like a cute little girl who doesn’t want to let the evil out??

Angela mentions how she thinks she has the stereotypical horror “look”. Her outfit isn’t relevant but I have to mention it anyway - it honestly looks like she cut the top off a blue evening gown to wear as a shirt?? and then just jeans. Like idk.

Sarah introduces herself and Kelly immediately comments on her unique nasally voice.

Tanedra tells Kelly that she has no formal training. Kelly says “And you think you can beat out all these girls?” and Tanedra’s like YES. Fuck yeah get it girl.

So Kelly goes ahead and gives her overall impressions - Kylah has no personality, Angela has the best horror look, Lindsay looks like the best friend rather than the leading lady, Marissa is the one she didn’t remember, and she liked Jessica’s personal style. Ultimately she gives Jessica the guaranteed callback, and also sends Lindsay and Marissa for makeovers which Michelle finds hilarious.

The girls go back into the house and Kylah proceeds to have a tantrum about not winning, stating that if the casting director was a man the results would have been different. But get this, she DOES NOT CHANGE EXPRESSION THE ENTIRE TIME. Even when she’s yelling “I’M ABOUT TO CRY” she literally just has this blank look on her face like is she actually made of wax?? Meanwhile Lindsay and Marissa have their makeovers, Lindsay gets a cool short reverse A-line bob cut and looks really badass, while Marissa gets her hair dyed jet black and cut in choppy layers. It looks fine but you can tell by her face Marissa is not happy.

The girls go to Homa’s class and since the week is all about first impressions, they have to do freeze frame shots of particular expressions, I guess so they can see what they actually look like vs. what they think they look like or something. Most of the girls do pretty well, Tanedra kills it again, Marissa bombs, and Kylah once again LITERALLY DOES NOT CHANGE EXPRESSION. What the fuck.

Back at the house the girls are all gushing over Lindsay and Marissa’s makeovers, Michelle voices her jealousy despite earlier thinking it was hilarious, and Angela is mad that she’s no longer the only one with her “look”, even though she and Marissa don’t look the same at all, the only similarity is the colour of their hair?? Marissa goes and has a cry about her hair because she’s now lost all her confidence and honestly it’s actually kinda sad / hard to watch.

The next day they find one of the rooms in the house has been filled with creepy dolls and of course one of them is actually a person that jumps out and scares them because omg what a funny prank haha. The “doll” tells them their director’s challenge is a photoshoot which many of the girls are stoked about. They’re basically given generic horror themes and have to shoot the poster. Dot points again!

Lina gets “Tie Die” and her costume is literally a length of rope that’s wrapped around her. She immediately cracks the shits and goes into full blown diva mode, complaining about her costume, how apparently difficult her theme is compared to other girls, telling the makeup and hair people how to do their jobs, etc. Whaaaaat, Lina is a bitch?? This is brand new information!! Unfortunately she still does a really good job with the photoshoot.

Lindsay gets “Blinded By the Fright” and her costume is a hospital gown and white contact lenses, which she has difficulty putting in but is EXTREMELY polite about it with the makeup lady (a nice juxtaposition to Lina’s bitch fest). Lindsay also does really well in the photoshoot.

Kylah gets “Thin Skin” which she comments sounds like a porno, lmao. Her costume is literally just black liquid latex painted all over her body and the other girls are fucking FROTHING with jealously. Kylah proceeds to completely bomb the challenge, giving absolutely no emotion and James literally has no idea how to direct her.

Michelle gets “Don’t Go in the Water” and is basically just wearing a bikini, but then James dumps a bottle of cold water all over her. She does really well in the photoshoot.

Sarah gets “Blood Skate”, her costume is just a bloody ice skating outfit, and she does okay.

Tanedra gets “Prom Scream”, she is wearing a bloody prom dress, and she does really well.

Jessica gets “The Butcher’s Girl” and she’s literally wearing a hat, gloves, no shirt, just an apron and shorts? And there’s blood? This one confuses me. She does okay.

Angela gets “Monster’s Wedding” which some of the other girls (correctly) complain is SUPER easy - she’s literally in a wedding dress posing with a bloody hand prop. She does fine but I mean all she has to do is stand there and smile??

Marissa gets “Mummy Maker” and she’s wrapped in what I assume are bandages but it looks like toilet paper? She’s pretty covered, including the bottom half of her face, and she’s supposed to be seductive but honestly it kinda just feels like an awkward interpretive dance??

The next day back at the house, Marissa vents to the other girls about her insecurity with her new hair. Like I know it’s just hair but it’s kinda sad, they completely changed her look which obviously fucks with her confidence. The girls get their photoshoot posters and everyone is stoked except Marissa (rightfully) and Lindsay, who basically has an anxiety attack and hates hers even though everyone is telling her how great it is. Whoo boy I relate to Lindsay so hard. Jessica reads the list which summons Marissa, Kylah, Lindsay, and Lina to the grand ballroom. They all think they’re at the bottom except Lina, who of course thinks she’s top shit.

In the grand ballroom, Lina gets pulled forward and despite doing well in the challenge, the judges straight up read her for being a bitch, which is hella satisfying let me tell you. Lindsay gets pulled forward and the judges tell her that she did an awesome job and that she needs to go easier on herself, before awarding her the week’s leading lady. Marissa and Kylah are predictably the bottom two, Marissa gets told she’s overthinking everything and Kylah just that she’s completely emotionless. Kylah gets the axe and Marissa lives another week.

Stay tuned for Season 1 Episode 3!

[sesamestreep]

stack the deck with wild cards (chapter 2)

(read on AO3)

(start from the beginning)

SUMMARY: Jyn tries to tell Cassian about the pregnancy--and the abortion--but it’s more difficult than she thought it would be. And she was already pretty sure it was going to suck.

A/N: The next installment of the Obvious Child AU. Same warnings apply! See the AO3 links for more details! Discussions of pregnancy, abortion, and unsafe sex abound. Curate your own experience! I love you!

Jyn practically wears a hole in the floor of her apartment from pacing so much, but she does eventually find the courage to tap Cassian’s name on her phone and call him. It’s mid-afternoon on a weekday and she’s gotten precisely nothing done all day because she’s been fretting about this conversation. She tries to remind herself of Bodhi’s reassurances that Cassian will be cool about all of this, but in reality, the only thing that’s actually making her feel better is the thought of getting this part over with, so she can panic about every other aspect of this situation instead.

Cassian mercifully picks up on the second ring. “Hello?” He says, cautiously.

Somehow, despite the fact that she was very intentionally calling him on the telephone, actually hearing his voice still catches her off guard. It doesn’t help that Cassian has a really nice voice, something she’s allowed to notice without it being weird because she's an amateur musician and all. He tends to be pretty quiet in general, but he’s also been know to occasionally go off on a tangent about something he really cares about—some new thing a local politician is doing that he thinks is stupid, or one of the kids he works with doing something amazing with their life that he can’t wait to share—and Jyn somehow does not get bored of listening to him, like she normally would with anyone else who tries to talk to her about politics or children. She’s happy to blame that on the whole nice voice thing and to ignore the part of her brain that’s suggesting maybe she just likes him as a person.

“Hello?” Cassian asks again, sounding more confused this time.

“Cassian, hi,” Jyn says, finally snapping out of her reverie. “It’s Jyn.”

“Yeah, I saw the name on the screen,” he says, not unkindly, and she resists the urge to smack herself on the forehead like she’s in a cartoon.

“Sorry, I, uh, didn’t know if you’d have my number saved or not,” she says, glad he can’t see the way she’s grimacing at her own stupidity.

“Of course I do,” he replies, matter-of-factly. “What can I do for you? Is everything alright?”

Jyn panics at the question and she can’t keep the bristle out of her tone. “Why would something be wrong?”

“I just—I thought something might have happened to Bodhi,” he says, and his tone is hard to read. “You and I don’t normally talk on the phone much.”

We don’t talk much at all , Jyn thinks, petulantly, even though she’s the one who said she would call after they hooked up and then didn’t, so whose fault is it really? If she wanted them to talk more, she could have made that happen and she didn’t. And moreover, she supposes he probably would be her first call if something had happened to Bodhi. They live together after all and, beyond that, Cassian just seems like he’d be good in a crisis. She could imagine leaning on him—trusting him, that is—in a time of stress. Not now, obviously. But in a theoretical situation in an alternate universe where she hadn’t ruined whatever relationship they have or could have with her numerous issues, he’d be the guy to call, she thinks.

“Uh, no, I guess we don’t,” she admits. “Bodhi’s fine, though. So, no worries there.”

“Oh, good,” he replies, with obvious relief. “So, what do you need?”

It doesn’t sound dismissive, but she can’t see him and so she can’t be absolutely certain. Maybe he’s annoyed to hear from her after all this time. It would make sense, but the possibility of it still stings. She forces herself to push past it and keep going.

“I just wanted to tell you—” Jyn is cut off by some murmuring in the background of the call followed by some loud rustling, as if Cassian was blocking the phone’s mic. It only continues for a few seconds, before the sound on the line is clear again.

“Sorry about that, Jyn,” Cassian says, sincerely. “My co-worker needed to ask me something before our meeting and she didn’t realize I was on the phone.”

“Oh,” Jyn says, and that stops her short. She figured he was at work and that wasn’t really the ideal place for him to get this news, but she has no idea what kind of hours he works and she couldn’t bear to put it off any longer. But now, it seems like a terrible idea.

“Do you—I thought you had your own office,” she says, for all it’s a complete non-sequitur. She thought he’d at least be alone when she told him the news.

“Me?” He asks, as if she could mean anyone else. “No, it’s an open floor plan at the office. I just have a cubicle.”

“Oh,” she says again. The idea of breaking this news to Cassian when he’s in full view of his co-workers and won’t be able to process it in private suddenly feels so cruel to Jyn that she can’t even think what to say next.

“Is that a problem?”

“No, no. Not at all. I’m just—I always pictured you as having your own office. Not that I picture you—I don’t think about your work, that is. I just, when I called you, I was imagining an office, that’s all.”

“Right,” Cassian says, evenly. Jyn could sink into the floor, she’s so embarrassed. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

Jyn’s brain is going into panic mode, which is the only explanation for why she blurts out what she does. “I just wanted to know if you were free for dinner,” she practically shouts.

“Dinner?”

“Yes, dinner,” she replies, cheerily, even as the reality of what’s she’s asked hits her like a freight train. That sounds like a date, you moron , her brain shouts at her.

“Me and you?”

Jyn closes her eyes against the embarrassment she feels, both at her suggestion and at his incredulity. “Yeah, me and you,” she answers, and with her eyes shut, she can allow herself to enjoy the idea of it, of getting dinner with him. Like they’re just normal people that like each other and everything is simple.

“When?”

“Is tonight too soon?”

“I don’t have any other plans,” he says and Jyn thinks he might sound nervous. It makes her feel incredible and terrible at the same time. “Did you have somewhere in mind?”

“Um, there’s this Thai place in my neighborhood that I really like,” she says, naming the first place she can think of. Besides, if she has to have this awful conversation over dinner, it might as well be at a place she likes. “If you like Thai food, that is.”

“Yeah. Yes. That sounds great.”

“I’ll send you the address. Could you meet me for 7 o’clock?”

“I’ll have to come directly from work, but if that’s okay with you, 7 is fine.”

“Totally okay with me,” she says, absently thinking of the sweater-and-a-button-up ensembles he normally wears to work and if that’s what he’ll wear to the restaurant tonight. She wonders if he’ll have the sleeves rolled up in the way she finds stupidly attractive for no discernible reason.

“Great,” he says, brightly and then clears his throat. “I’ll see you then.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Jyn replies, and then wishes she could take it back. She always likes seeing him, but under the circumstances, it sounds so cheery and fake.

Cassian, for his part, seems caught off-guard, but he recovers fairly quickly. “I am too.”

They eventually run out of pleasant almost-sign-offs and have to actually say goodbye and hang up, which leaves Jyn in her empty apartment to continue freaking out. Why had she put this conversation off even further? Obviously, telling him at work was not a great plan, but tricking him into thinking they’re going to have a nice dinner—maybe he even thinks she was asking him out on a date—is somehow worse. The only advantage to this new plan is that he’s very unlikely to cause a scene in a public place. Then again, Jyn has a hard time imagining Cassian causing a scene anywhere. He’s so calm and collected most of the time. That bodes well for how he’ll take her news, but she can’t really be sure.

After texting him the address for the restaurant, Jyn copes with the stress of her impending dinner by trying on literally every outfit she owns, in order to figure out what to wear. It can’t be too fancy or too sexy because she needs Cassian to know it’s not a date, but she also doesn’t want to look casual or frumpy, though she doesn’t examine her motives for wanting to look good for this awkward dinner too closely. By the end of this process, most of her clothing is in a pile on her bed that she will have to clear off later in order to go to sleep—a problem for future Jyn, as always—and she’s selected a pair of black overalls that seem to be the item with the least paint on them in her entire wardrobe to wear over a cropped sweater. It’s a cute outfit that doesn’t explicitly scream “DATE NIGHT” but also doesn’t make her feel hideous, which, for all her pregnancy isn’t far along, is a hard feeling to come by, thanks to the hormones.

She picks out shoes to match and even puts on some makeup and tries to get her bangs to look normal, which kills enough time that, if she walks to the restaurant instead of being lazy and taking a cab, she might actually beat Cassian there, even though he’s aggressively early to everything. After the obligatory search for wherever she left her keys—a daily ritual for her—she sets out for the restaurant feeling only a little queasy with what she assumes are nerves.

The restaurant is busy enough for a weekday evening but Jyn only has to wait a few minutes for a table. She warns the waiter she’s expecting someone and orders an iced tea while she waits. She bobs one knee up and down furiously underneath the table, anxious for Cassian to show up and secretly wishing he won’t so she can just go home and pretend none of this is really happening. Though she tries not to, she still watches the door like a hawk, practically jumping out of her seat every time someone walks through the main entrance.

Cassian shows up at 7:02 PM, leaving Jyn very little time to freak out alone, for all it felt like an eternity. She’s watching as he comes through the door and speaks to the hostess, so she sees him run a hand through his hair in what she assumes is a nervous gesture and her throat goes very dry, both at how attractive he is and at the idea of fucking up his night like she’s about to. It’s just then that the hostess points in her direction and Cassian’s gaze lands on her, which means Jyn gets to watch as his polite but guarded look melts into something more familiar and affectionate and relieved. He’s relieved to see her , she thinks, incredulously, even as she waves at him. Did he think she would stand him up? Did he think he imagined their entire phone call?

“Hi,” he says, a little breathlessly, as he reaches the table.

Jyn stands abruptly from her seat, for lack of anything better to do and leans into him at the same moment he leans towards her. She has a brief moment of panic where she thinks he might kiss her—not that a kiss from him would be a bad thing, generally speaking, but she would feel guilty under the circumstances—and so she swerves gracelessly to the left. Her mouth collides with the side of his face as he wraps an arm around her in a loose hug and she realizes, belatedly, that she completely misjudged what he was going for. She doesn’t allow herself to linger in the embrace, even if she kind of wants to, and pulls back quickly, before she can get used to the warm weight of his hand on her back.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” he says, when she’s dropped back into her seat and he’s busied himself with removing his jacket and scarf.

Jyn resists the urge to laugh at that, knowing he’s being completely earnest. He was two minutes late, that’s nothing, she wants to say, but she waves off his apology without a word.

“Did you have any trouble finding the place?” She asks, instead.

“No, not at all,” he says, as he sits across from her. “The train was just delayed.”

“As always.”

He smiles at that, leaning forward on his elbows on the table, and it makes Jyn wistful for the version of tonight where they are just out to dinner for fun. In that version, the only thing she has to be nervous about is if they’ll go home together at the end of the night. In reality, she knows there’s no chance of that happening, but some part of her longs for it. She wishes she’d called him two months ago, back when things were simple—or, at least, simpler—and asked him to this same restaurant. It could have been nice, feeling these nerves for all the good reasons instead of why she has them now.

“So, I was—”

“Have you—?”

They both speak at the same time and Cassian’s eyes crinkle at the corners when he laughs, which is so unfairly cute that Jyn can’t even laugh in return at their shared mishap.

“You go,” he says.

“I, uh—” Jyn starts to say, but she’s interrupted by the waiter returning with her drink and asking if he can get Cassian anything.

“Just water, thank you.”

“Are you sure?” Jyn asks before she can stop herself. She doesn’t know why she thinks adding alcohol to this situation will help, but she also thinks he might want to drink once he hears her news. “It’s my treat.”

Cassian looks puzzled by this, but his features clear after a second. “I’m good, really,” he says, before turning back to the waiter. “Thank you.”

The waiter hurries off, leaving them alone again. Cassian opens his menu and begins scanning through the first section, before looking up at her with obvious concern.

“Do you already know what you’re getting?” He asks.

“Oh,” Jyn says, flattening her palm on her unopened menu. “Yes, but just because I always get the same thing here. Their pad see ew is really good.”

Cassian nods, as if this is fascinating information to him. “I’m going to have to read through the menu, unfortunately,” he says, apologetically.

She makes an exaggerated hand gesture that is meant to bat his apology away but in truth conveys absolutely nothing. “Take your time,” she says, to clarify.

Cassian reading his menu gives Jyn some time to regroup and also to note that he is, in fact, wearing a navy blue cable knit sweater over what looks to be a light blue button-up. The sleeves aren’t rolled up to his elbows, which is disappointing, but she assumes that’s because it’s freezing outside. He’s also biting his lip as he concentrates on reading, which is simultaneously very cute and completely hot. She realizes she’s been staring at him intently half a second after Cassian does.

“What’s the matter?” He asks, looking embarrassed.

“No, it’s—nothing!”

“I should be making conversation, shouldn’t I?”

“No, don’t worry about that,” Jyn says, hurriedly. It’s not like she can just tell him she was staring because he’s stupidly handsome. “I just got lost in thought for a second.”

“Do you come here often?” He asks, completely sincerely and Jyn laughs before she can stop herself.

“Sorry,” she says, when she’s regained her self-control. “That’s just such a line. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but—”

Before she can finish her sentence or Cassian can defend himself like he clearly wants to, something lands at their feet with a thump and a rattle. Cassian leans down to retrieve it and returns with one of those baby toys with different bits that all make different noises or have different textures. It’s done up entirely in bright primary colors and seems to have a smiling puppy’s head at the very top. A screech from the table behind them alerts Jyn to the item’s true owner.

Cassian twists in his chair to offer the toy back to a chunky toddler with a mop of riotous curls who’s sitting in a high chair at the next table over. “I take it this is yours,” he says, very seriously to the baby, who squawks delightedly at the sight of the toy.

The child’s mother, sitting with an older child on the other side of the table, gives Cassian a grateful smile. “Can you say ‘thank you?’” She asks in a pleasant voice. The baby just gurgles in response, leaving the woman to thank Cassian herself.

Cassian turns back to Jyn with an amused smile on his face that honestly overwhelms her. It’s rare to see him smile without a hint of self-deprecation or irony to it. If she put her mind to it, she could probably count the number of genuine smiles like that she’s seen on one hand. He’s almost always pulling them back, reining them in, for whatever reason.

“Anyway,” he says, turning his full attention back to her. “You were making fun of me for using a generic line on you.”

“I wasn’t,” Jyn says, and can’t help smiling herself. “I knew that’s not what you meant. You were really just asking if I come here often.”

“Yes, I was.”

“I do, to answer your question. It’s my favorite place for takeout, when I’m too lazy to cook, which is almost always.”

“You don’t eat in? With this ambience?” He asks, gesturing around the place.

“Hey, don’t judge their decor,” she fires back, more defensive than she would have expected herself to be. There are a million string lights everywhere, and the walls are painted a very aggressive shade of red, and the owners decorate to the nines for every single holiday, which means there’s hearts and lace and chubby Cupids wielding arrows everywhere for Valentine’s Day. “It’s fun.”

“Very,” Cassian agrees, with one of his small cryptic smiles. It makes Jyn remember with sudden clarity how fun it was to kiss him, to feel that smile against her lips.

She shakes herself out of it, focusing on the present. “I suppose your favorite restaurant is very chic and minimalist with its decor,” she says.

“No, I wouldn’t say that,” he replies, giving the matter some consideration. “Honestly, I don’t go out for dinner a lot. I prefer to cook at home.”

“Well, I’ve been to your apartment,” she says, trying not to feel inadequate by comparison. “It’s pretty chic.”

It doesn’t occur to her what she’s said until after the words are out of her mouth. She obviously just meant that she’s been over to visit Bodhi before, but when Cassian gives her a surprised look in response, she realizes she has also unwittingly brought to mind the time they hooked up. It’s not an artful segue by any means, but she does need to get this over with and stop pretending they can just sit here and have a nice meal together, like normal people.

“Actually, that reminds me,” she begins, bracing herself for how much this is going to suck, “there’s something I wanted to tell you—”

Their neighbor at the next table chooses that perfect moment to toss their horrible mutated puppy toy at Jyn’s feet again and it breaks her concentration. Cassian, who’d been watching her and listening intently a second beforehand, spots the toy on the ground and leans to pick it up again before Jyn can even think to react. Instead of just turning around and handing it over again, he actually gets up and goes over to the baby this time, crouching in front of the high chair.

“You know, if you keep throwing this around, you might lose it,” he says, very solemnly, to the child. “Somebody might kick it into the kitchen. My friend over there might accidentally take it home with her.” The baby swivels around to look at Jyn and smiles at her with drooly gums that do nothing to make her want a child of her own. She smiles weakly in response.

“Anything could happen,” Cassian continues, drawing the baby’s attention back to him. “I don’t want you to lose it. Your mother doesn’t want you to lose it. You don’t want to lose it.” He’s saying all of this with that faux-serious tone people adopt with children, as if they’re grown-ups who understand what’s going on but also with a slight sing-song lilt to it. “So, no more throwing, okay?”

The baby shrieks and reaches for the toy, which Cassian pulls just slightly out of reach, delighting the child further.

“Do we have an agreement?” He asks, holding out his hand, as if the child is a small businessman he’s making a deal with. The baby smacks a drool-soaked palm against Cassian’s in response, which makes him smile. “Very good.”

As he stands up, the child’s mother says something quietly to him, which Cassian waves off nonchalantly. He turns and drops back into his seat across from Jyn as if nothing has happened.

“Sorry about that,” he says. “You were saying…”

Jyn’s throat feels completely dry and speaking feels beyond her abilities at the moment, so she reaches for her drink before she replies. “You have a way with kids, huh?” She says, gesturing to their friends at the next table.

“Oh, that?” He asks, shrugging it off. “I guess so. I helped a lot with my sister when she was that age. My grandmother tells me I was so obsessed with babies that my parents had another kid just so I’d stop bugging them about it.”

“Huh,” Jyn says, trying to sound noncommittal while she’s panicking internally. God, of course he loves kids. Why would this be easy?

Cassian, however, is oblivious to her distress, looking back over his shoulder at the family at the next table. “I’m really excited to have a bunch of little ones running around soon,” he says, out of nowhere, and Jyn’s stomach turns over.

She’s standing before she can even form a thought. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she knows she can’t stay here. The sudden movement draws Cassian’s attention back to her and he looks up at her in alarm.

“Jyn, are you okay?”

“I, uh,” she says, struggling for a lie that will get her out of there fast enough. “I think I left the oven on at my place, actually. So I have to go, right now.”

“Oh,” Cassian says, looking concerned and maybe even a little disappointed. “Well, I can go with you, or walk you out, if you—” He goes to put his coat on and Jyn throws her arm out to stop him, which just alarms him further.

“No need,” she says, half-frantic. She fishes her wallet out of her coat pocket and takes a few bills out, flinging them at the table in her urgency. “For my drink.”

“Oh, there’s no—”

“I’ll, uh—I’ll call you,” Jyn says, already rushing for the door. It doesn’t occur to her until she’s halfway to her apartment that she said the exact same thing the last time she ran out on him too.

[anxietycalling]

how i spent my summer vacation

Or, where the fuck have I been these literal years? (I can’t believe it’s been years.)

I feel like I need to, at some point, talk about everything that happened between now and the point where I dropped off the face of the earth. And, like, actually talk, not that thing I do where I make a joke out of everything. So... I’m doing this up front, so if anyone actually still follows my shitshow of a life, you know what you’re getting yourself into before it’s too late.

Okay. Where to start.

Um, obviously, after the 2016 election I gtfo’d the US. Because I couldn’t legally work in the US at that point, I had pretty much no savings and no money because every dollar I did get went to supporting me and Dash because of the absolute nightmare that happened there. I’m not... mad at her anymore, not quite - I recognize that a lot of actions on both sides were the result of severe, untreated trauma and mental illness, so it’s hard to look at either of us and say that someone was the villain there. It’s hard to recognize when you’re in survival mode that your actions are self-destructive. But, anyway, because of that, I had no choice other than to move in with my parents. Which many of you are aware is not the healthiest choice for me mentally or physically.

And, again, it’s not that my parents are bad people. They’re good people who are trying their best, but there are two factors that lead to me living with them being a terrible idea. 1) My mother has a lot of unprocessed intergenerational trauma due to mental illness that she is still dealing with, and 2) Neither of my parents have ever lived in an urban center, which lends itself to a specific mindset when it comes to dealing with mental illness and LGBTQ+ issues. Which is to say, it’s hard to have a regular dating or sex life when everyone knows your business while your parents are simultaneously trying to pretend you don’t have genitals that they’re uncomfortable with. Also, I didn’t have my license at the time because I let it expire before getting my permanent one, so I was pretty much at the mercy of whoever could drive me places. (I lived in cities before that, so not driving was never much of an issue. I am highly proficient in public transit.)

So living with my parents was this precarious balancing act of trying to do everything they wanted me to do, because they were letting me live there for free, and meeting the demands of my bosses (who immediately demoted me once they found out I wasn’t planning on living there forever), and trying to have a social life outside of my family. And, like, I had just come out of the closet, so I was also trying to date without my parents finding out, because, like? It gets exhausting trying to explain why you have a right to exist and love who you want to love and I tend to get defensive when I feel like I have to justify myself. But all that secrecy really wears on you. I think in the worst of it I was probably sleeping 3-5 hours a night between the anxiety, having to walk or wait for rides everywhere, and staying up late enough after my parents went to sleep to try to meet guys on dating apps. 

Dating apps when you live in a rural area are the worst. Not only is there a limited dating pool to begin with, it sucks when someone ghosts you and then re-signs up for the same dating app using a fake name and you catch them at it. I get it to some extent; people are afraid of being outed, even if on paper we’re one of the premier retirement destination for gay couples near Toronto. (Read: affluent, white, cis gay men.) It’s gotten better in the last couple of years, but... Yeah, there just was nothing for me there. 

Obviously I had to widen my perimeter for who I was willing to date, and that’s how I met Husband. Completely by accident. My phone provider was out one day, so I didn’t get any messages from anyone for almost 24 hours while I was figuring that out. His message to me was one of the ones that got pushed through when my phone service restored itself. (I still, to this day, don’t know why or how this happened.) And there was nothing there that was inherently like, “Hey, you’re going to date and then marry this guy,” other than the fact that he actually put effort into his message instead of sending “hey” over and over again to get a response. But he was funny, and he was charming, and we fell for each other really quickly. Pretty soon all my money (which, again, limited, because the awful ladies I worked for decided I wasn’t leadership material even though they gave me no training or direction, ever) was going to taking the train here pretty much every time I had a day off from work. And I was lying to my parents about it, because they decidedly do not like or approve of dating apps or internet friendships in general.

Something happens in relationships where one or both of you are chronically ill. There comes a sink-or-swim moment in the relationship where you either step up and deal with the shit that happens, or you realize you can’t handle the intensity or uncertainty of it, and you gtfo. And... obviously, I chose the first option. Pretty much immediately after my first visit (as in, I was still on the train) Husband calls me, because his doctors are afraid that he has cancer. I go home, work exactly one day and turn the fuck around and go back so we can meet with the hematologist and find out whether he has bone cancer, Jesus fuck. Thankfully, it turned out that he didn’t; it’s something that comes up a lot because he doesn’t have a spleen and that, apparently, makes it look like you’re dying a whole lot. We ended up moving in together a month later because living at my parents was making me suicidal, which isn’t the greatest love story of all time, I know, but I had wanted to move out anyway and living with him was a much better option than random roommates.

I didn’t talk to my mother for... a month and a half, after I moved out. She kept trying to contact my friends on Facebook one day and I was ready to freak out on her for being controlling or something. Turns out, my biological father died. At the time, I was calm. Like, I wasn’t surprised - he had nearly died of alcohol-induced cardiac failure before I moved to the US, and it’s not like he had done anything to make his situation better - but it turns out I was actually in shock, I guess. The whole situation was fucking terrible; not because he died but because it kind of cemented that my only value to his side of the family was being “the only granddaughter” and not that they gave a shit about me as a person. They misgendered me in his obituary; they spelled my brother’s girlfriend’s name wrong.

I think the worst part is that they tried to make his celebration of life thing about how great he was as a person, though. And, like, I’m sorry, but great people don’t molest their children, or their children’s girlfriend. They don’t have sex in front of their children with their children’s physical abuser. They don’t make their teenage child in charge of being the sober adult when they want to go drinking. They don’t let their partner physically abuse their child when that child tries to get them both help for their drinking. They don’t trap their kid on a boat for a week with a creepy adult male stranger and freak the fuck out when that child has their first anaphylactic reaction to a novel food 20 kilometers from land or the nearest hospital. They don’t call that child on their birthday every year to remind them what a woman they are and always will be when they were the first fucking parent I came out to. 

Actually, no - the worst part of him dying was that I had to deal with his hellbeast girlfriend afterward, because apparently there was money for me in an RESP that he had never cashed, but all that got me was a shady financial representative who repeatedly wanted my mother and me to break the law over it. Like, my mom got her lawyer involved and everything, and once the legal letterhead came out the financial dude dropped off the face of the earth, stopped answering my calls and I never got my thousand pity dollars. 

And, like, things were okay for a little while after that because Husband and I were close with our roommates up until the point where it became clear that one of them had severe, untreated borderline personality disorder. I’ve lived with someone with BPD before; I’ve lived with a hoarder before. I was not prepared for the level of hoarding that this woman could produce. Or just, like, generally weird and shitty behavior and refusal to seek treatment for her condition. We tried everything we could think of, but ultimately we had to have secret meetings outside our house with our other roommate (who was dating her at the time) to figure out what to do with her. The things we found out... I’ve never wanted to genuinely harm a person before. Because she had been r*ping our roommate for months, and convincing them we didn’t want to be their friend, and using all their money because she wouldn’t go to work or apply for welfare or do the bare minimum required to be a human being. We had to get her removed by the police (who I do not advise contacting unless there is genuinely no other options) and the police acted like it was a typical roommate squabble even though we had fucking proof. So, anyway, we had to contact hell roommate’s parents and sister, and do all the packing to get her shit out of our house.

I will add that there were a few golden months right after hell roommate moved out. We got very close with remaining roommate, and it was nice, but then they started dating their current boyfriend and it just got... uncomfy for everyone somehow? They never outright said they were dating him, it was weird, one day they were like “Hey, I have a friend coming over!” and then he was just... there all the time? And they never told us they were dating? And, like, I’m happy for them, they’re great together and genuinely like each other, but it was weird. It was uncomfortable when we had to have the “We want to move out” conversation, too, because originally we had wanted to move to a bigger place with all of us, but ultimately we ended up keeping the apartment.

So that should have been fine, right? Especially since they moved in with one of Husband’s friends. Except that that friend turned out to be secretly awful and took advantage of everyone around them, and accused good roommate of being secretly racist and a bunch of other stuff that wasn’t true. (Trust me, good roommate would rather sever their left leg than do something that would hurt someone’s feelings.) And, like, I’m sorry, but you can’t use your master’s degree in social work to push around people who you know freeze during confrontations and have memory issues due to trauma, and then turn around and lead healing from trauma workshops. No. You’re a garbage human being who deserves to step on a thousand Lego. (Legos? Anyway.)

OH. Right. Before that, I had surgery. I had surgery and then pretty much the day we got home from that, the pandemic happened. At the beginning of it, good roommate and a woman who would later become one of our best friends came to stay with us because, again, horrific garbage pile of a human being in their house. Recovering from surgery took forever - I still don’t have feeling back 100% in my chest - but thankfully I was better enough by the time they moved to be somewhat helpful there. (They were incredibly smart and hired movers. We were pretty much there because we had just bought a car and could move breakable stuff.) 

Ugh. God. Sorry, I have to jump back to 2018 for a second, which is when I was diagnosed with OCD. Like, officially, I mean. It was probably pretty obvious to everyone who wasn’t me, but I always kind of thought that since I wasn’t on My Mom-level germophobic, there was no way I could have it. Uh! Turns out! Normal people don’t cry when a garbage bag that is clearly about to be taken outside touches the floor while they are putting their shoes on to take said garbage bag outside. So... I take pills now. And go to therapy. Which is very expensive. But, yeah, my symptoms were pretty fuckin’ bad then. And continued to be bad - like, bad enough that I had to quit my job in 2019 because my bosses weren’t taking it seriously enough or even listening to me. (It’s Mcdonald’s, it’s chill, they ruin or fire all their best employees.) 

Okay. Back to now. Pandemic! School! Suffering through all my pre-requisites so I can take actual interesting classes! Somewhere in there we started watching Twitch streams - I think it was because Husband found out Felicia Day streamed, and he loves her, and it kind of spiraled from there? But anyway, I somehow ended up part of this weird, delightful community that’s genuinely nice and non-trollish, and now I stream sometimes. Or attempt to stream. Or attempt to keep a regular schedule. It’s nice, though, to feel like there’s someone to hang out with when you pretty much can’t leave your house. There’s a sense of normality to being in a place at a specific time and seeing specific people. And Twitch has given me a lot of ideas on research topics I’d like to pursue in grad school. 

Like I said, it’s been a pretty mixed bag. There have been some really bad parts, but there’s a lot of good stuff that happened too. I just. I miss Old Me a lot, lately. I miss who I was before all the trauma. (I mean, obviously not all the trauma, because I don’t miss being a literal child, but like... 18-23 or so.) 

I think this might be the most I’ve written outside of a school context in actual years. Part of me keeps thinking about adding in APA formatting, but uh. You can’t really cite something when it’s just memories inside your own head. Anyway. I need to work on liking myself more, and working through some of the baggage that goes with trauma, and... I don’t know. It’s nice to have an outlet that’s not my husband or my cats. (Again, Husband is awesome, Husband is amazing, but we’re around each other 24/7 right now. I think he deserves a break sometimes.) 

So... Yep. Thanks, if you made it this far. I promise not all my posts are going to be like this. I just figured, if you were going to stick around, you probably deserved to know what happened while I was gone. 

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

FP Jones//The Midnight Club (part 2)

part 1 

“FP. Please say something.” In a matter of seconds FP’s world had come crashing down, for the second time that day. 

You’d found him as soon as you’d composed yourself enough to make full sentences. He was sat at the lunch table talking to Fred about his party tonight. As soon as he saw you, his expression brightened but once he saw the scared expression on your face, his smile fell. You’d made your way over to him and he’d instantly asked if you were okay or if Alice had said anything else, but you ignored him, simply turning around and walking back out, expecting him to follow you, which of course he did. He had lost you for a few seconds until he was pulled into the janitors closet where he was met with your sobbing form. And when you muttered those simple words he felt the world come crashing down around him. The sound mixing with your sobs. 

“Like?” He finally snaps himself from his thoughts. Instead focusing on trying to calm you down, however the look you give him tells him that he’s not doing a very good job already. 

“I dunno.” You shrug. “Anything.” 

“We’re in the janitors closet and you’ve just told me you’re pregnant. What do you want me to say?” He snaps making you cry harder. “Shit, I’m sorry baby.” His tone softens as he rubs soothing circles on your arms. 

“Again. I dunno. But this isn’t exactly idea for me too.” 

“I know baby.” He pulls you into a hug. 

“So what are we gonna do?” You ask, your voice is mumbled against his letterman jacket and you feel slightly more at ease when you smell his cheap cologne. “If your dad finds out, your dead. If my parents find out we’re both dead. And if people at school find out, we’ll be crucified. How the hell are we, two teenagers living on the Southside in a trailer park, gonna support a child?” You ramble anxiously. The same thoughts are swirling through FP’s head. There is no way his dad is going support the two of you. And as for your parents, they’ll probably send you away. Everything was already a mess in his life, and now everything has just gotten a million times worse. 

“I-dunno.” He sighs. He wants nothing more than to take all of this away from you. For everything to go back to normal. Where he didn’t have a kid on the way and another girl accusing him of knocking her up. He was normal FP Jones, star football player, most popular guy in school. And you were normal Y/n Y/l/n, head cheerleader, most popular girl in school, and FP Jones’ loving girlfriend. 

“Well thats just great isn’t it?” You snap, pulling yourself away from him and he sighs again, giving you a sympathetic look. 

“Its gonna be okay.” He reassures and grabs your hand, placing a gentle kiss to your knuckles. 

“Is it?” You laugh bitterly. 

“Yeah.” He nods, trying to convince himself more than you. “It has to.” 

“Sure it will.” 

“Look, I’m trying here.” He says angrily and you sigh. 

“I know. Sorry.” You mumble, looking at the floor. 

“Its fine.” He hooks a finger under your chin, gently tilting your face upwards to look at him. “I have an idea!” His face brightens and you narrow your eyes suspiciously. 

“I’m listening.” 

“Okay, what about tonight, just for tonight. We forgot everything. We forget Alice and her baby, we forget about our parents, we forget about our...problems. And we can just be teenagers. Happy, drunk, carefree, stupid teenagers.” 

“Errr.” You start unsure. You had been really excited about Fred’s party, but now you just wanted to go home and hide after school. 

“Come on.” He nudges you. “It’ll be fun! And I’ll get Fred to play our song.” He continues and you sigh before reluctantly agreeing. You know either way FP will go and you don’t really want to be alone at the minute. You suppose, you’re never gonna truly be alone again.

------

“FP.” You tug on his hand and he briefly stops his conversation to look at you. “I wanna go home.” You’ve been at this party for four hours, which is usually normal. Usually you don’t go home until the next morning, sometimes afternoon. But you’re tired, uncomfortable and the smell of sweat, weed and alcohol is making you feel sick. Plus you keep being bashed about and the music is making you disorientated. Not to mention you really need to pee but all the bathrooms have been taken for various reasons thats not peeing. 

“Just five more minutes.” He slurs and you roll your eyes at how drunk he is. 

“You said that ten minutes ago.” You reply, starting to tap your foot impatiently. 

“I knowww. But come on. Loosen up a little.” He grabs your arms and starts to sway the two of you but you push him off you. 

“I want to go home. You said we could leave twenty minutes ago.” 

“Whats your problem?” He shouts and your eyes widen. The commotion has made a few people around the pair of you to stop dancing and look at you. You’re already feeling exposed in the stupid dress you have on, thinking everyone can tell you’re pregnant, even though you have no bump. And now you feel even worse. You wrap your arms around yourself, while you try and will your tears away. “You’ve been uptight ever since we got here. If you want to go home, just go.” 

“What?” You ask in disbelief. “Why are you being like this?” 

“Because you’re annoying me. Go home and leave me the hell alone.” He spits and you glare at him. 

“You’re such an ass.” You turn around and start pushing your way out of the cramped living room. 

“You’re the one dating me...baby.” He calls after you. 

“Fuck you!” You flip him off before finally getting outside. The cool air makes you feel slightly better, the sick feeling easing gently, however now you feel like there’s a weight on your chest which isn’t much better. You drop to sit on the porch steps, your head falling into your hands as you sob quietly.

“Awww.” A sickly sweet voice starts and you groan. Please, anybody but her. “Trouble in paradise?” She asks and sits beside you. 

“We’re not in paradise.” You mumble and you can hear her laugh softly. 

“You sure? It seems like it. With a pretty little northside princess and her bulldog boyfriend...too pure for this town.” 

“What are you doing here Alice?” You ask, lifting your head up slightly so you can look at her. She looks like she usually does, all black outfit, scowl on her face, and a cigarette in her hand. Although, now she looks sadder, tireder, and you know exactly how she feels. “Its not like you can drink, or smoke for that matter.” You glance at the cigarette in her hand and she rolls her eyes before throwing it out into the dark street. 

“I’m here for the same reason as you apparently.” She replies and your eyebrow quirks, for a second you worry that she somehow knows about your situation. That its something all pregnant women have a sense about. 

“And whats that?” You ask as cooly as possible. 

“To shout at your boyfriend. Speaking of which, the last time I saw him, he was trying to figure out how to get onto the roof so he can jump onto the trampoline.” 

“He can break a leg for all I care.” You mutter and a smirk takes over her features. 

“Oooo. You guys really are in trouble.” 

“Well, thats what happens when a girl says you’re boyfriend knocked them up.” 

“Awww, I’m so sorry. I hope you guys can work it out.” She says in a mock sad tone. He lips curl into a small pout but there’s a smirk hiding behind it and now you’ve officially had enough of this night. 

“Listen.” You stand up suddenly and she looks at you slightly startled. “If you want to shout at him, I’d do it when he’s hungover, because you’re gonna get no sense from his right now. Do you want a lift home.” You add the last part on quickly. Even if you don’t like Alice, you know the Southside and you know its not safe for the best people, let alone if they’re pregnant.

“What?” Her eyes widen. 

“Its late, its dark and you live on the Southside. I’m not an idiot.”

“Wow.” She’s recovered from her previous confused state and has snapped right back into stone cold bitch mode. “Do you really wanna cross the tracks. We wouldn’t want you to ruin your heels. Plus how do you know you’ll make it back out?” 

“I think I’ll be fine. So do you want a lift or not?” You ask while looking through your bag for your keys. 

“...yeah, sure.” She agrees quietly and you smile to yourself. You almost made Alice Smith speechless. 

“Do you need to say bye to anyone?” You ask and start to walk down the driveway. 

“Nah.” She shakes her head, walking beside you. “No one’s talking to me after I ruined your boyfriend’s image.” 

“Well, what do you expect.” You shrug. “FP Jones is untouchable.” There’s a hidden sadness behind your tone which Alice picks up on but decides not to ask. She can’t imagine you’d want to talk to her about the weather, let alone personal problems. “I’m parked down the street.” 

“Lets go princess!” She teases and you roll your eyes at her. But you’re kinda glad that she’s still being the same old Alice, it makes you feel a little better about the change. And a part of you is kind of thankful that you’re not alone yet, even if you are hanging out with Alice Smith. 

You pull into the trailer park after being given awful directions by Alice. You knew exactly where you were going and you’re thankful that you live on the other side of the park as Alice does. Even in the trailer park there are some class issues. Where you live is the slightly nicer part, where you have windows that are un-smashed, doors that still have hinges and a few of you have crappy little cars. Alice lives on the side where the windows are more cardboard than glass, the doors are held together by glue and string and the closest thing they have to cars is bikes and scooters kids have stolen from the northside. 

Once you stop outside her trailer you look around to see if you can see FP, however she takes your looking as an insult and instantly scowls. 

“You worried someone’s gonna steal your shitty little car?” She asks sarcastically. “It looks like something you’d find on the nice side of Sunnyside. The sunnyside of Sunnyside if you will. Why hasn’t daddy bought you a nicer car?” 

“You’re welcome for the lift Alice.” You cut her off before she can go any further. 

“Why are you being so nice to me? I’ve insulted you at least 10 times, just on the way here and you’ve just sat there taking it.” She asks curiously and you start to worry that she’s gonna figure it out again. 

“23 times actually.” You correct her making her roll her eyes. “Turns out we have more in common that I thought.” Why did you say that? If she didn’t know before, she’s definitely gonna know now.

“Pfft.” She laughs. “Like I’m anything like you.” 

“As always, it was lovely talking to you Alice, but I’ve got a pillow to cry into. Have a good weekend...and stay safe.” You glance at her stomach and she moves her arms to cover it. 

“Thanks.” She nods. “You too.” There’s a moment of silence as she grabs her bag and opens the door, she’s about to step out when she turns back to look at you. “Hey Y/n?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you want to come in and watch Edward Scissorhands or something?” She asks quietly and you have to take a minute to process what the hell just happened. Alice was being nice to you. Was this just some ploy to get you in to her house so she could murder you and dispose of the body quickly so she could have FP. Right now she could just ask you for FP and you would agree, telling her to take him. 

“I prefer Heathers.” You shrug making her laugh. 

“Of course you do. You’re such a Heather.” 

“Rude.” You mumble. 

“I never specified which one.” She argues. “Now, do you wanna come in or not?” 

“Sure.” You shrug. You’ve got nothing better to do and today already has been weird, why not make it weirder. “Won’t your parents mind?” You ask, getting out the car and she looks at you. 

“Clearly you’ve got no friends on the Southside.” 

“Yeah...clearly.” 

“Welcome.” She says once she’s opened the door. She goes in first, throwing her jacket on the chair before walking into the kitchen. “Make yourself at home.” She waves her hand about and you take a seat on the sofa. “Mind the drugs, needles, knives and dead bodies.” 

“Of course. Wouldn’t want to crumple my dress.” You reply, a small smile playing on your face and for the first time, Alice actually genuinely laughs at something you’ve said...and not in a mean way. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” She asks, sitting beside you. 

“Not really no.” You shake your head. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“With you?” You ask and she nods softly. “Not really.” 

“Yeah. Fair enough. I don’t really wanna hear about your rich girl problems.” 

“Lets just forget our problems and watch Winona and Johnny.” 

“Good idea.” She smiles and presses play. The film starts and the two of you sit in weird, yet comfortable silence, however a knock on the door causes you both to look at each other confused. Alice pauses the TV before standing up and making her way towards the door. You follow a little behind her just in case she needs help. “FP?” She asks confused once she’s opened the door. Your eyebrows furrow at the mention of your boyfriends name and you move to stand further behind the door. 

“I need to talk to you.” He says, his tone is frantic and Alice is staring at him confused and annoyed. He’s clearly sobered up quite a bit from the last time you talked to him and you’re kind of annoyed that he came here instead of trying to find you and apologize. But then again, he could be here for you, so you decide not to jump to conclusions...yet.

“Now’s really not a good time.” She shakes her head and tries shutting the door, but he stops it with his foot and she looks at him even more annoyed. 

“Please. We have a problem?” 

We? What does he mean we. What problem could him and Alice Smith possibly have apart from the obvious. You can feel yourself getting angrier and you have to stop yourself from moving from your hiding space and punching him in the face. 

“Y/n’s pregnant.” 

[ayma-nidiot]

“Don’t Speak Their Names” - Shrimpshipping fic Chapter 16

This chapter on AO3 can be found here.

Chapter 16 - Anything Else?

~31 August 2005~

“And that concludes my lecture on the formation of the oceans,” Spinos finished. “Be sure to study the notes. Our first test is in three weeks, but that doesn’t mean you should-”

Rex didn’t even let Spinos finish talking before he started running up to the stage. “Wait!” he pushed by the many students who were leaving. “Dad!”

“H-Hello…” Spinos stopped in his tracks.

“You are my dad, aren’t you?” Rex asked when he caught up with Spinos.

“That is correct. I didn’t think this day would ever come, but now that it has…”

“Why, Spinos?” Rex cried. “Why did you have to leave my mom alone? She endured horrible morning sickness all by herself, just to give birth to a kid you didn’t even care about. And all so you could be with some lady friend!”

“I know that there is so much you want to know about me, and where I’ve been the past 19 and a half years. But I want to wait until your mother is here to listen.”

“Well, good luck trying to find her, because even if you did, she wouldn’t want anything to do with you. Anything else?”

“There’s only one favour I ask of you, Rex… My son, please give me a chance. Give me a chance to prove my worth as a father, and to earn the trust of your mother.”

“She was very hurt when you left her, you know? Since you do have a lot of proving to do, you better start now.”

“Very well. When was the last time you were at the doctor’s?”

“About a month ago, not long before school started.”

“Do you know how far along you are?” Spinos gestured towards Rex’s baby bump.

“How did you-”

“I overheard you talking to your mom about it in the hospital, when you were still newly pregnant.”

“...I’m a little more than 5 months.”

“Then it’s important that you get an ultrasound to see how your baby is doing. At this stage, you can not only listen to your baby’s heartbeat through doppler radar, but you can also determine the sex of your baby.”

Rex had never even considered any of these things before. “You know any doctors around here who can do that?”

“Yes. In fact, I am friends with the on-campus doctor who specializes in both family medicine and sonography. I can take you there, if you want.”

“I’ll take you up on your offer, as soon as I call Weevil and tell him to come here. He is the father, you know.”

“Yes, of course.” Spinos waited for Rex to make the call before saying, “Thank you so much for giving me the chance to help not only you, but also my grandchild.”

“...Yeah, sure.”

Rex and Spinos uneasily stood, avoiding each other’s eyes, until Weevil got there. “Hey, hun. Oh, I didn’t know you were friends with Dr. Saurus. I have him in the same block as Amber does.”

“He’s not a friend, he’s my father.”

“What? I mean… uh… P-Pleased to meet you, sir.”

“Likewise.”

Rex didn’t want the situation to turn more awkward, and so he interrupted with, “That’s not the reason I called you here, Weeves. We’re going to get an ultrasound of our baby.”

“I should have thought of the idea sooner… I mean, I would have, but I don’t know of any good doctors around here. But I’m glad I now know of someone who does.” Weevil began to walk with Spinos and Rex in the direction of the clinic.

This campus clinic was a lot larger than Rex thought. He quickly found himself getting lost, but had too much pride to ask the receptionist just where this doctor was. Instead, a man with a long black ponytail and a white lab coat approached him. “Young man, are you lost?”

At this point, Rex was getting tired of walking around. “Yeah. I’m looking for the campus doctor who specializes in sonography.”

“This is he! You’re a shifter, aren’t you?”

“You know about us shapeshifters?”

“Well, I am one. I can transform into Guardian Grarl.”

Aww, I wish I could actually transform into a dinosaur too. “But how could you tell just by looking at me?” Rex asked as the campus doctor beckoned for him to follow him to his office.”

“It isn’t a coincidence that you are intersex. All male shapeshifters are.”

“Really? So does that mean I could get Weevil pregnant? He’s intersex, too?”

“Yes and yes. Though it largely depends. What can you guys transform into?”

“I’m Creepy Coney while he’s Earthbound God Uru.”

“Then you will go into heat far more often than he does. The stronger a shapeshifter, the harder it is for him to get pregnant.” The campus doctor noticed Rex’s frown and started to take his vitals. “But don’t worry, because it’s not impossible! Even though I’m a powerful monster, I am proud to have given birth to three children. ...There. Your vitals are all normal. Have you been experiencing pain, nausea, or other symptoms?”

“I have really bad back pain and swollen ankles sometimes. And I have to go to the bathroom A LOT.”

“That’s fairly normal. For the sake of you both, I highly recommend you do at least some physical activity throughout your pregnancy. Water activities, preferably, so you don’t stress your joints. I also hope you’ve been taking prenatal vitamins.”

“All right! I love to swim! As for the vitamins, my mom made sure to get me started on those as soon as we found out. She also gave me this awesome ginger tea when I still had morning sickness. Not that I have that anymore.”

“That’s good to hear.” The campus doctor finished preparing the fetal doppler and ultrasound device. “Are you ready for the ultrasound?”

Before Rex could say yes, he had just realized that Weevil and Spinos were not there. In fact, they both had come in just then. “Sorry I’m late, doctor. Weevil and I were in the restroom.”

“Ah, Dr. Saurus! Fancy meeting you here. If you need a checkup, it’s going to have to wait until I am done with this young man.”

“‘The young man’ happens to be my son.”

“Even better!”

“And I’m the father of Rex’s child,” spoke Weevil.

“Then you’ve arrived at the perfect time! I’ll do the ultrasound first.”

“Oh. In that case, I better leave you guys alone. I’ll be in the lobby.” So spoke Spinos as he made way for thence.

“Okay, then. Mr. Raptor, was it? Can you lay on this bed and lift up your shirt, please?”

Rex did as he was told. This bed is more comfortable than the one at the hospital, that’s for sure. “Ooh…” He shivered when he felt a cool gel - and a probe - that quickly warmed up. He looked to the ultrasound monitor, and already he could see his unborn child on it. “Well, if that isn’t the cutest thing ever! That’s what’s inside me?”

“How’s he doing, Doctor?” Weevil asked. “Or should I say ‘she?’ ...Wait, we can find out the sex, right?”

“I want to know, too,” spoke Rex. 

“Your baby is doing fine,” answered the campus doctor as he pointed out the baby’s heart, limbs, and head.

“Oh my gosh, look at those little feet!” Rex cooed as he pointed at the monitor.

The doctor now switched the ultrasound to 4D mode. “I see no problems at all; she’s doing wonderfully.”

“‘She?’ Do you mean…” Rex began.

“Yup! You’re having a baby girl.”

“Aww…” Rex teared up. “She’s so adorable!”

“I wonder which one of us our daughter is going to look like.” Weevil held his boyfriend’s hand. “And I hope she gets my smarts instead of yours - or rather, lack thereof.”

“Oh, be quiet.” Rex playfully hit Weevil. 

The doctor smiled at these parents-to-be. “Last but not least is the doppler radar. It’s a portable one that I’ll send home with you. Mr. Raptor, be sure to check your daughter’s heartbeat from time to time. I’ll show you how to do it.”

Rex normally was horrible at paying attention, but he watched the doctor’s instructions intently. Using the gel from the ultrasound, the doctor took out a much smaller probe. “Unlike the ultrasound, you need to put the doppler probe in very specific spots.” A fairly slow thumping sound could be heard from the radar, but nothing showed up on the display. “And don’t confuse your baby’s heartbeat with your own. A fetal heartbeat is much faster, usually above 120 bpm.”

Just then, Rex could hear a strong and quick sound come from the doppler; “140 bpm” showed up on the screen. “Is that…?”

“ That’s the sound you want to listen for.”

“Oh, gods…” What started as tears-in-the-eyes turned into full-on crying as Rex heard his daughter’s heartbeat for the first time. “Weeves… I have a child growing inside me… and she’s so full of life.”

“I know, hun… I know.” Now, Weevil began to cry too.

After a few more minutes, the doctor packed up the fetal doppler, along with a few other items and informational pamphlets. “Before you leave, Mr. Raptor, there are a few things you should know. Your vagina has the same opening as your anus, which is why you can get pregnant through anal sex. Your birth canal is so small, you've probably not noticed it. But you certainly will when it's time for childbirth."

“Childbirth, huh?” Rex trembled in fear. “In just four months, I’ll… I’m so nervous.”

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“So will I, hun.” Weevil kissed Rex on the cheek.

“Now do you have any other questions for me?” asked the doctor.

“No, sir.” After the doctor cleaned up the gel, Rex put his coat back on and started to leave. “Thanks again.”

Spinos was reading a magazine in the lobby when Rex and Weevil arrived there. “So how’d it go?”

“I am glad to know I’m carrying a perfectly healthy baby girl.”

“That’s great!”

It had just occurred to Rex that he somehow managed to waltz out of the clinic without paying a dime. “But what’s not so great is how I forgot to pay the doctor. I don’t even have a job yet.”

“Not to worry; your tuition pays for your healthcare here. And since this university is also affiliated with the downtown hospital, you didn’t get charged for your care there, either. Though most other hospitals around here charge exorbitant costs.” 

“And if you didn’t tell me about this doctor, I wouldn’t have been able to afford to see my daughter, or know how to care for her.” Rex glanced to the side before looking at his father. “So thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome, son. If there’s anything else you need from me, I’d be more than happy to help. Well, I have to go teach another class, but I’ll see you soon.”

As Rex waved goodbye, Amber happened to walk past and heard most of the conversation.

“Waaah!” Rex couldn’t look directly at Amber, not after remembering what happened at Domino Tabletop Gaming’s last meeting. “Amber… About what happened at the meeting-”

“Never you mind.” Amber spoke as if those events never happened. “I normally don’t lose control of my emotions like that; I can assure you that I’m fine now.”

“Are you sure?” Rex looked at Amber, concerned, and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Enough about me. What about you?” Amber touched the baby bump. “How’s the baby?”

“I actually just got out from a doctor’s appointment. Not only is my baby healthy, she’s also a girl!” Rex chuckled.

“Have you thought of a name for her yet?”

Rex blinked. “No, I haven’t.”

“My dude, that’s one of the first things you should think about when you find out you’re pregnant. Everyone knows that, dino brain!”

“Well, do you have any suggestions?”

“Um…”

“Now look who’s the dino brain!” Rex gave Amber noogies. 

Weevil had to admit that this scene made him a little jealous, so he interrupted it with, “Shouldn’t we go home, Rex? Ptera’s waiting for us by the dumpster car loop.”

“Yeah, let’s.” Rex let go of Amber. “See you around, Amber.”

“Wait! Um… Rex, I have a request. Can I… Is it possible for me to go home with you?”

“Why, did you get into a fight with your parents or something?”

“...You could say that.”

Rex knew better than to pry further. “In that case, you’re welcome to join us. My mom is the coolest person around, so I’m sure she’d be okay with it.”

It was quite a walk to said car loop, and Rex was astounded that he didn’t need to stop by the loo on the way there.

[chemicalmagecraft]

Foresight is 20/20 Chapter 8

Feb 17

Decided to keep a journal for stuff I'd rather not forget. And maybe for some sort of journal entry interlude or something?

Feb 19

Got the stuff for Gaara's seal today. Also got some other stuff too, but I'm going to be working on my demon gem project for the next two months or so, so I probably won't be looking over those until after fixing Gaara. Probably bad form to work on more than one other project at a time...

Checked the Inner Demon Calming Seal Kazekage sent me. Regulator's working fine, so it was lack of actual use that caused it to absorb more red chakra. I'd say it filled the other seal up about sixty percent at three times the absorbed chakra, so I should need about two more. Assuming nobody screws up any of the seals. Might end up needing to siphon some chakra from Gaara.

Talked with Kurama. Apparently the issue is less with Gaara's seal and more with Shukaku's aggressiveness and chakra control. Apparently Shukaku has the most control out of any of the biju on account of having one tail. And he also trains his chakra control or something? So that's gonna be a nightmare. Probably gonna need to make a self-repairing seal. Maybe different modes?

Feb 24

FINALLY! I finally got my hacked senjutsu almost working! I might not be able to use it in a non-sneak attack fight, but at least I don't have to wait an hour to do stuff with it. Plus I shouldn't have to wait at all to assimilate singular insects into the incomplete demon gem, at least if I wait a bit between uses at first. Now I just need to get a massive amount of bugs to sacrifice. Why didn't they use animals for philosopher stones in FMA? They have souls and people already slaughter cows. Actually could I use animals for the Edo Tensei sacrifice? It already reshapes the body... Should ask Kurama the rules on that. Where was I?

Right, I should probably actually start working on Gaara's seal. I was kind of paid in advance...

Feb 25

If I don't get some help with this I'm going to start to hate fuinjutsu and that would be bad. How else am I going to learn how to teleport? I don't think that the Shoraigan bends space-time that much...

Right, Kurama's willing to help. And judging from how Ai was able to keep up with me when I was telling her how to do the Inventory Hotbar Seal and even offered suggestions whereas Tenko lost us immediately, she might just be a good addition to Seal Team. And her being on Seal Team might inspire Tenten and Naruto to learn fuinjutsu...

On another note, apparently I can use animals for Edo Tensei, but only if what I'm trying to bring back is the same species and I change the formula to work for that animal. Dang.

Feb 26

Seal Team is go, baby! Plus, while I was there I managed to get Naruto to join Tenten in training chakra control by telling him I felt like it could be useful in the future then giving him an over-exaggerated wink. It's almost like he thought I could see the future somehow. Weird. Why would he think that?

Mar 1

Seal team is great. We've started work on a seal to isolate Shukaku from Gaara without hampering his powers.

And speaking of powers, my other project is going well too. I got Neji to join in with bug-collecting, so the demon gem is going real well. Though I did have to drain the demon sage chakra in the Demon Sage Seal on my body to a tag so I wouldn't turn into a fox. It'd be cool if I could reverse it, but alas. The second stage symptoms of crystallization and/or petrification were also a little scary. I mean, it's cool when I do it to my enemies/victims, but not on me.

Mar 9

Got another tag from Kazekage. Useful data.

Eighty percent.

Mar 14

Completed first demon gem. Hopefully the next one will be faster. The bugs keep coming to it. Almost like they're drawn to the natural energy.

Mar 18

We're done with the general structure of the seal. Will begin testing soon.

Starting on making a demon sage tag for Ai. This will be fun.

Mar 23

Seal still in progress. Looking good though.

Got another from Kazekage. Seal complete. Beginning integration.

Mar 24

Integration complete. Took longer than I thought.

Now I just have to figure out how to use it.

Apr 1

I͚͙̦̰ ͖̹a̕m̢̞̐̕͢ ̷͟b͍̬̙͕̯͉͉͈ͣ̿̓̎̑ͩ̚̚ẹ̯̠̙̼͕̯̟̭̪̃ͦ̒ͫ̎͐͋̈́͛͐ć͔͓͔̝̱̺̞̇ͬ͋̈ͩ̓o̸͗̋̆̑̊͆́̋̅ͦ̀҉͚͎͕̗̥̻͚̼̻̱̻m̤̝͉̫͔̭̰̗̣̥ͧ͑ͦ͋̔̈ͨͮͭ̃̇͜ͅe ̝̜ͩͧD̬͉̯̭̭̹̬̖͍̹̜̮͇͕̩e̩̼͓͙̩̖̝a̴҉̜͉̭̲̤ť̷̠̙͇͍̦̺̘̰̹͙͕̜̋̋͛̄̽ͬ̾̿̓́̚h̰̹͔͖͕͙̪̥͕̯,̥̫̱̖̝̳̠͉͐ͤ̈́ͥ̓̐̎͆͘ ̵̤̫̠͎̹̯̳̮̖̱͟d͎̬̥́͞͡e̢̊ͦ̍̔̔͗̈́ͭ͌̉ͫ̆̎s̶̢̱̺̗̦͓̻̈̈ͪͯͩͮ̀tͦ͆̀̾̃ͧ̾ͯ́̑҉̷̣̰̬̰̘̜͓͙͕́ͅr͞҉͚͝o̱̺̲̩̰͔̫̲̩̠͈̊̎ͤ͑̎̋̂ͨ̄ͤ̋̚ͅȳ͇͚̣͍̜̞̭̤̠ͩ͒ͬ̔ͥ̅̑͒è̢̙͍̻͖͖̣̗̞̥͍̕ͅŗ̵͋͒ ̶̭̼͎̤̰̗̦̥̬͕̖̕o̵̳̯̻͓͎͔̍ͯͦͩ̿ͫf͇̪̪̉͛̍ ̢̡͖͚͇̪̦̹͇̿́̅͗͋̃͂ͬ͠ͅw̱̜͍͍̩̲͔͚̱̮͒̓͐̊̽͆̊͌̅͆͘͟o͈̙̩r̢̡̦̙̙͎̭̘̘̤͚̦̭͔̐̃͌͗̓̃ͭͫ̿̽̂̄͟l̸̋̈́̒̂̌̎ͥ̚̕d̛͞͏̻͚͕̱̠͉͈̺̤̻̠̞͔͍ş̸̦̱̤͙͔̣̼̮̮̜͂ͤ̒ͨ̾͒͑̊̿ͦͨ́ͅ.͎̩̭̫̣̏͛̽̚̚͞

That was murder on my wrist... Happy April Fools!

Right, so that was because I figured out how to use magnet release with red chakra. Can't do much with it yet, but I can use it. I'm floating a senbon as I write this!

Apr 2

Tried to reason with Shukaku. Never doing that again. On the plus side I confirmed that I can use any source of red chakra of the biju I've acquired to extend my telepathic range.

Apr 3

Second demon gem almost done. I also think I realized how Power of the White Snake works. From what it does to its users, it seems like it takes advantage of natural energy overload, much like how the demon gems work. Probably why Kabuto was so sure only White Snake Sages could use Muki Tensei.

Lightbulb.

Apr 7

Gem done. Idea works. Fun times.

Apr 11

The seal is done. Well, as done as it can be without looking over Gaara.

Talked to Hokage. Kazekage's sending over an escort. Well, I did it two days ago because I foresaw needing to talk to the Hokage about having the Kazekage send over an escort. Future vision is fun.

kukukuku~

A twenty-something-year-old Baki walked into the office of the Hokage. For it was he who was given the honor to help escort this enigmatic master of fuinjutsu from their home of Konohagakure no Sato to his home village to fix the seal of the jinchuriki. Just two months ago, this mystery had offered their services through the Hokage and added in a seemingly miraculous seal for a temporary measure that could have even worked as a permanent solution. All they asked for was a few jutsu in return. Baki had practically jumped at the opportunity to see just what kind of person this seal master was when the Kazekage had offered him the mission. "I am here to accept my mission, Hokage-sama," he said with a bow. "Where is the one I am to escort to my village?"

The Hokage sighed. "He's... behind you..." He seemed to be slightly annoyed by what he said.

Baki turned around to see that a small child in almost all white, with a short-sleeved shirt and shorts, plus white arm and leg warmers for some reason, had appeared from the shadows behind him. The only two articles of clothing that weren't white were a pair of red crystal "earrings" that seemed to have no connecting point to his ears and were just floating under the earlobes, without even having holes for them, and sunglasses perched on the child's long, curly brown hair. "Sup," I said. By the way, that's me. I was describing me. "Your name is Baki, right?"

He just stared at me for a bit, face completely unchanged, before turning back to Saru and saying, "No, seriously."

The Hokage sighed again. "I know, but he is indeed the one you are looking for."

Baki slowly turned back to face me. "Aren't you... a little young to be a seal master?"

I internally laughed at the opportunity to make the joke. "Yes, yes I am."

"How?"

I shrugged. "I'd like to think that I'm a genius, but honestly about half of it is just the fact that I don't need to sleep every day and I only really socialize with my friends about as many days as I sleep."

He stared at me. "Are you okay?"

"I said I don't need to sleep, not that I don't sleep." I traced a finger over one of my eye markings and prepared to give the explanation we'd prepared for my other Kekkei Genkai powers for those not in the know. "Kekkei Genkai-type mutation, Nocturne." Just because the power's a fabrication doesn't mean it can't have a classy name. Plus it's listed as that in non-classified documents. "Imagine the legendary stamina of the Uzumaki, but with the mind instead of the body. I also have slightly increased sensitivity to light, which is why I have the glasses, and the ability to generate light from the white dots under my eyes. It makes nighttime studying easy and sleeping any more than one out of four days a waste of time."

Baki took that in for a moment. "Not a power that seems readily useful in battle, but the things I could accomplish with just one night a week..."

I nodded. "And because of my special interest in biju and some other factors, I am perhaps the one human who knows the most about that particular subject, which includes their sealing. Hyuuga Kouki."

"A pleasure. I was told that there was a shinobi from here that will be joining us?"

"He's almost here," I confirmed.

The door burst open, permitting a green-wearing young adult. "I AM HERE!" he exclaimed.

"Maito Gai," I introduced. "He might look and act like a total weirdo, but he's probably the best taijutsu user in Konoha. Thanks for protecting me, Maito-san."

He gave me his trademark twinkly-smile-and-thumbs-up and said, "Please, just call me Gai!" He turned to Baki. "And that goes for you too, my comrade from Suna!"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Baki," the man replied after a moment of confusion.

Saru cleared his throat. "Right, Baki and Gai. Your mission is to escort Kouki-kun here to Sunagakure so he can perform services he has promised to the Kazekage, and escort him back when he is done. While Baki must defer to Kazekage-sama while in his village, you are to ensure that no harm befalls Kouki-kun. Good luck."

kukukuku~

I held on to my parasol as tight as possible as Gai jumped from tree to tree with me on his back. What? It's not like I can keep up with two adult ninja... "If you don't mind me asking, Hyuuga-san, have you looked over the jutsu scrolls Kazekage-sama sent you?" Baki asked me. "I know most of them, so I will be able to answer any questions you should have about them."

"First, I'm fine with you calling me Kouki." Honestly being called 'Hyuuga-san' felt really weird... "Second, I was only comfortable taking on one other project while I was working on Gaara's problem because it wasn't just for me, and I'd already picked up a pretty massive project." I pulled one of the scrolls from my seals. "I've got them on me, though."

"How did you do that?" he asked.

"Seal master."

"Ah. Do you at least have prior experience in wind release?" he asked me. I replied by raising a finger and flashing a Dragon Claw. "That's impressive. That jutsu looks like it'll translate well to some of the jutsu in the scrolls." We talked about the wind jutsu in the scrolls and some other wind release-related stuff, though I wasn't able to put much of my new knowledge into practice because of my awkward position riding on Gai's back. Most of the jutsu were of the cutting type, but there were also a few of the strike and gust types. Those are my own terms for them, by the way. They weren't sorted into any type or anything. It was all pretty enlightening, though, and I managed to test out an idea for a wind release jutsu that I'd had for a while. And sheared a branch off a tree we were passing by.

After a while, though, I felt something in our path. "Stop." I said. Apparently we were getting close to Kaze no Kuni at that point, so the trees were getting more sparse. Gai dropped to the ground to let me off, with Baki following his lead despite not having a Kouki to drop off. I'd offered to make him one so he wouldn't feel left out, but for some reason he didn't want it. Said it was creepy or something. So anyway, after I dropped off of Gai, I said, "So just to clarify, if we meet and get attacked by bandits they're probably going to have to die, right?"

"Why do you want to know that?" Baki asked me suspiciously.

"Hey, you guys!" a rough-looking man holding a chokuto that looked suspiciously like Sasuke's said after popping out from behind a tree. "You're gonna have to pay a toll if you wanna get through here!"

Baki and Gai started to move, but I raised my hand in that in 'stop' command. "What happens if we don't?" I asked evenly.

He laughed and four other men with various weapons emerged from the scenery and they all walked closer to us. Within my throwing range, at least. "Well then we're gonna have to kill you, little man. You may be a kid, but we don't really care all that much, do we boys?"

One of the bandits, a bit of a dopey-looking guy holding a spear, raised his hand and said, "Actually, I kinda do. Feels a little wrong."

The leader sighed loudly. "Well the rest of us ain't little chickens. Right, boys?" The boys in question all gave some kind of affirmation and in the same breath mocked the spear-wielder. "Fuck off, Takehiko. We'll handle this." Takehiko walked off dejectedly, though he hid behind a tree. Loyalty, I guess. "Right, so we might let you off easy if you give us those fancy little earrings you have there. They might fetch a pretty penny."

"You can't expect him to just give them up!" Gai shouted. I shrugged, took them off, and tossed them at the bandits. They landed on the ground near them. "Why!?" Gai asked.

I smirked and made a totally superfluous half ram seal. "False Sage Art: Akuma Tensei," I intoned. The ground around the demon gems shifted and softened, making the bandits sink in slightly. The softened ground rose up, further engulfing the bandits as the mounds of earth reshaped into blob monsters. "That's why."

"Hah!" the leader chortled. "You wouldn't be lookin' so smug if you didn't have these freaky monsters on your side! Let me out and face me like a man! No cheap tricks!"

I gave him a flat look. "First, not that you'd know, but the jutsu I'm using on you involves the use of yin-yang release, red chakra, and sage chakra. That's like three-fourths of what the repertoire of the Sage of Six Paths was at the height of his power. That 'cheap trick' is the culmination of months of hard work and is an A-rank jutsu at least. Second, you are asking a small child to fight you on equal footing. You realize this, right?"

"Yeah! I'll kill you!"

I sighed and snapped my fingers. The earth shifted so that the man was ejected from the monster. "You do realize that you're gonna die, right?" I asked as I shifted my glasses onto my eyes. He started charging at me, but his sword swing hit air. "That's not going to work," I told him from his side, wisps of red chakra curling off of my body. I took a moment to smile at the sight. I was pretty sure that me radiating was the first step of forming a tailed cloak, which was awesome.

He tried to punch me in the face, but I effortlessly dodged again, reaching his back. I struck him with a single pseudo-Juken strike to the Gate of Pain. I am a Hyuuga, after all. He dropped his sword and hunched over in pain from the corrosive effects of the chakra that I just pumped directly into one of his eight inner gates. And of course, he collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut a few moments later when the damage spread to his spinal cord or something. "Right, so that's why you don't fight someone confirmed to have red chakra unless you're jonin or higher," I commented as I cut off the red chakra and lifted my sunglasses, timing it so that my eyes changed back to normal the moment after my eyes were visible. "What's the verdict on killing again, Baki?"

He took a few moments to remember that oh yeah, I asked him a question. "They'd have to die eventually. If you can't do it, I'm fine taking them out for you."

"Thanks, but that won't be necessary," I said, then made an ox seal, calming my mind to try and not freak out about what I was about to do. "I probably won't be able to get this much raw material again for a while." I took a moment to look over their memories to see if they really deserved to die. Disgusted by what I saw, I continued, drawing natural energy into the red chakra within the leader's body while also ordering the demon gems to convert the others. All three of them, much like the hundreds of insects before them, compressed in on themselves and turned into red crystal, though when they were they looked more like they were going through Orochimaru's Curse Seal transformation instead of a second stage chakra cloak.

When the process was done, all three of them had turned into three demon gems each. With a mental command, all nine floated over to me, taking their weapons with them. I sealed the chokuto, kama, and axe the bandits had wielded away and placed one gem each under each of my arm and leg warmers, one each under my sleeves and pant legs, then placed the ninth back on my sternum. Finally, I put the magical earrings back 'on' my ears. "And I suggest you quit this life before something like that happens to you," I said in the general direction of that one Takehiko guy. He bravely ran away away like a brave Sir Robin.

"Was... was that how you made the other two?" Baki asked me nervously.

I shrugged and licked my lips. "Yes and no. I used almost exclusively insects to make them. But I do need live animals of to make demon sage cores." I looked up at the dusky sky. "If you two are tired we could stop for the night."

kukukuku~

I licked my lips as I lightly warmed my marshmallow over the fire. S'mores are amazing. Baki stared at me in bewilderment. "Why..." he started to ask before trailing off.

"Hmm?" I asked. One of the owls on my shoulder hooted. "Are you referring to my fine, feathery friends?"

"Yes, why are there birds roosting on you?"

I patted one of the owls on the head with my free hand. It hooted comfortably. "I don't really know why, but it seems like birds and other animals are attracted to sage chakra, which is in my demon gems."

"I suppose that that makes sense. So what was that you said about having the powers of the Sage of Six Paths?" Baki asked.

"Technically yes, but on paper only," I explained, then unsealed the other ingredients of the s'more. "Saying that I have the power of the Sage is like saying a genin has the power of the Raikage because he knows one lightning jutsu." I thought for a moment as I took a bite of my s'more. "Actually," I said after I swallowed, "it's more like saying I was like whatever Kage-level ninja is best known for wind release back a month or so ago when I only knew two weak wind jutsu solely based on my ability to use a basic, home-brewed wind jutsu or two."

"The fact that you have developed that ability, even as weak as it is, is amazing!" Gai said, giving me a thumbs-up.

"Thanks," I said and gave him a little smile. "Hey, I don't suppose you could give me some pointers about taijutsu?" I asked.

"Your youthful power is already impressive for one of your age. I'm not sure what I could tell you to improve your abilities."

I sighed. "That's only if I use a draining power boost. Without it, I'm only barely stronger than your average little kid." I grinned. "Plus, I'm pretty sure it's multiplicative and not additive. If I up my base abilities, then the power-up will be way more effective."

He grinned. "In that case I will teach you what you need to know to have the power of your youth explode!" We then proceeded to have a long talk about fitness and youth until I put him to bed because he was tuckered out.

[kikimcras]

( melissa barrera. cis female. she/her. )  /  LETICIA VILLALOBOS ORTIZ has been with the group for one week and is currently doing their part in the community as a scout. while here, thirty year old has created the reputation of being irreverent & capricious, but can also be known as solicitous & coquettish. in a sticky situation, they will resort to flight mode and their current weapon is a ka-bar. 

trigger/content warnings: parental death, murder, traumatic birth, drug use ( brief mention ), abuse.

everyone calls her a miracle as if somehow being born from the body of a dead mother is a celebration more than it is a tragedy. she is called miracle so often that she thinks it’s her name until the age of five when she goes to school and no one calls her name at attendance. thank god her mother had written out her name--leticia--plainly in the baby book she was saving, or maybe her grandmother really would’ve named her that–miracle, milagros.

leticia sounds like another girl’s name. a girl whose mother is alive and well. a girl whose mother tucks her in at night with stories and songs and goes to sleep in a bed with a father instead of lying six feet underground in a cold box of wood trying to outlast the worms and moles. leticia has a grandmother who puts silk ribbons in her hair and makes her pozole on cold, winter nights. she buys her love with pretty dresses and a doll each time she makes an appearance on the latest tv special with her grandmother. it takes years before she learns this is not a normal way to grieve. there are so many vhs tapes of interviews on oprah and specials on court tv in abuela’s closet that they trump the years she’s been alive on earth. yolanda ortiz makes a monopoly, a dynasty, atop her daughter’s suffering.

it’s not until leticia is twelve that she learns the full story. she’s made so many appearances on television that she’s practically a celebrity–a child star–but she has grown up knowing only that she sprung from her mother’s dead belly like pegasus from the slain body of medusa. so strange, it was almost immaculate. her grandmother had always compared her sweet mother to santa maria. it only lived to serve that in childbirth, she shared that magic. instead, leticia learns that her mother had answered an ad in the paper for free baby clothes and supplies. so clever in its innocuous offer, even the most cynical of her mother’s loved ones would have fallen into that sweet trap–flies to honey.

this is what she learned.

the canonized gabriela ortiz went to 241 nw westbrook dr at 1100 on a tuesday in september. she parked her car in the visitor space of the apartment block and went upstairs to meet ana hernandez and was greeted with a hug and the scent of fresh coffee when she entered the apartment. the two sipped their coffees and talked about the challenges of pregnancy and, for gabriela, impending single motherhood ( oh, but she had her mother to help ). for ana, her husband was anxiously awaiting the birth of a son–if that’s what they ended up having. neither woman knew what she was expecting.

when gabriela told ana that she had an appointment to keep, the generous woman left the kitchen to grab the things she’d promised her–things, she explained, that were doubles of hand me downs from her sisters. ana hernandez returned, not with a box of baby things, but with a knife. leticia shuts the tape off then and does not revisit it until the age of fourteen, where she learns two things. one, that her mother was a fighter. and two, that she was cut from her mother’s stomach with the clumsy skill of a woman who’d never deigned to carve her own turkey. it explains the scar that runs through her hairline, just above her ear. it explains her grandmother’s obsession with tragedy. it tells her nothing about herself and she refuses any more interviews or appearances. she refuses any of her grandmother’s plans for her future. she learns, like her mother, to put her trust in people who are as clever as they are unworthy.

the only thing that makes leticia villalobos feel like she can breathe is running and getting high. she doesn’t give a shit about organized sports, but she loves the feeling of the wind blowing the salt of sweat and rain off of her face. she falls in love several times. she gets her heart broken several more. every person is an opportunity to find some piece of herself. every person is an opportunity to be loved for some other reason than being a miracle. girls like leticia are symbols. like the virgin she represents hope; like the virgin, she is given no identity of her own.

tired of her antics and disobedience, her grandmother sends her to live with some cousins out of state. leticia thinks that her grandmother will have a much easier time controlling her narrative without the burden of a teenage girl. their cousins don’t have a lot, but they at least have their own business–one that’s not built on immortalizing her mother’s death. there are so many kids there already, that everyone just seems to act like she’s always been there. she misses her alone time sparingly, more than overjoyed to have found unconditional love in a house that is always full.

high school is an easy place to make the same pitfalls and mistakes, but leticia survives it. she helps out at the family store and avoids her grandmother’s calls. there’s no real desire or funding for college--though she could go on her grandmother’s dime if she wanted to drown in so much blood money. instead she makes her own way, working at the local gym until she can afford to pay for yoga and personal trainer certifications. she runs everyday and gets her own apartment. life is, despite her propensity for betting on the wrong horse and searching so desperately for love, pretty great.

until she gets the call.

yolanda is much older than she remembers upon her trip back to the hospital. she is not the intimidating matriarch that once rapped her nails on leticia’s shoulder during interviews to prompt a correct answer to a question that was meaningless to a little girl. instead, she lies in a hospital bed like a husk or a ghost and it’s almost enough to make leticia regret leaving until she goes to the house and sees the shrines to gabriela ortiz and not a single shred of evidence that gabriela’s miracle ever lived at all. 

she packs up the house, making it ready to sell as yolanda’s remaining days lesson. she doesn’t take calls from her loved ones or turn on the tv after she passes. her grief, as different from her grandmothers as the sun and moon, necessitates solitude. she doesn’t touch the phone, tv, or internet for three days and, when she does, it’s too call 911 in response to the sound of someone breaking in. there is no one on the other end.

leticia survives by doing what she loves best. she runs. she spends days running and sometimes it feels as if that is all she does. by the time she reaches the woodbridge safe zone, she has been running for years. running away, running for her life, running to feel like a person again. now she runs for a new kind of home. and, she wonders, if it will ever feel as full of love as her cousins’ house once did. she thinks, perhaps, those things are long gone.

[plus-size-reader]

My Babies pt 2

Derek Hale x Plus size!reader and Isaac Lahey x Mom!Plus size!reader

Word Count: 1,532 words

Warnings: none

Summary: Isaac moves into the Hale house and he and the reader have a very sweet moment that sends her to Derek’s side

———————————————————————————————————

Adopting Isaac had been a dream of yours for a very long time and the second Derek gave any mention that it may actually happen, you were hooked.

You'd always wanted kids but it killed you that there were so many children out there already that needed so much. It didn't hurt that you and Derek weren't exactly in the market to have an infant right now.

Could you imagine raising a baby with Derek? Yes but not while you're in the process of deal with Stiles studying for his midterms on your couch, Liam's crazy lacrosse practice schedule, and Scott's ever changing lunar calendar.

There was just way too much going on in your lives right now to create and form a whole new human right now, besides, Isaac needed a new home.

It killed you that Isaac had never had the love and support of a caring mother, or the strong, comfortable love of a father. Those were the sorts of things that not very many kids got, but you wanted to give him now.

Derek had already begun renovating the house to accommodate for the child you were taking in, and it was going well. He'd turned the far guest bedroom into a really cool space for Isaac to call his own and even started working on a balcony.

That was his own special design.

Isaac had never been keen on tight spaces and had a tendency to get claustrophobic so Derek wanted to open up the room as much as possible.

By the time he was done, it was impossible to imagine that this building had once been the sight of the Hale House fire.

Everything about it was changed and for once, since you'd moved in, it felt like a complete home. The only thing you were missing was that full nest sort of feeling you'd always craved.

You thought one teenager would be enough but you weren't completely happy until the entire pack was swarming around the kitchen. Stiles had his arm elbow deep in a bag of tortilla chips, Mason was asking around about chocolate chip cookies, and you could have sworn that Malia was chasing Scott around with the Wii remote.

It was absolute chaos and you'd never been happier.

Derek however, could have used the peace and quiet. It wasn't his fault, Derek's idea of a nice evening was the two of you just sitting and talking over dinner. That was nice enough but it wasn't what you needed.

You were in prime nesting mode and there was nothing that could be done to stop that. Whatever it was that had caused this shift in you, having Isaac in the house wasn't exactly helping.

It was like you were in full mama mode.

And in all honesty, Derek was enjoying it. This was a side of you that Derek Hale had never had the privilege of enjoying.

~

"Isaac Lahey-Hale, get down here my love" You call, only half kidding as you walked through the door.

By the time the door closed, Isaac was already standing beside you, eager to take the grocery bags from your arms. You wouldn't believe how much food it takes to run a household of werewolves.

"How was your day?" You asked, for a brief moment being somehow managing to be the most domestic mother in the world. It was moments like these that made you forget that you were living a supernatural life.

Isaac shrugged at first, heading toward the kitchen with the groceries, looking behind him to make sure you were following first...you were.

It was so comforting to him that he could have his back turned to you without having to worry about something dangerous flying at his head.

It made such a big difference to be in a functional household, with loving parents over his childhood.

Isaac owed all of his comfort and security to you and Derek, not only in your pack, but in your house. He loved how his life had changed, it was so significant for him.

"It was alright, I have a biology paper due in three days and I haven't started it yet" he allowed, starting to unpack the bags by the time you entered the kitchen.

The bags crinkled beneath your fingers as you pulled the bag of apples from the plastic, those were for Lydia. Isaac had the packages of raw chicken, which you suspected he'd subconsciously picked out.

The sound of your new son in need, even so slightly, lit a fire under your ass. You wanted so badly to help him in every way, shape and form on the planet earth.

"Do you need help? I did pretty well in biology when I was in school" You asked, trying so hard to do the best job you could at this whole mom thing.

You knew that it was going to be difficult to be a mom in general, but raising a teenage werewolf as your first child was a little bit of a different commitment.

The boy smiled, he didn't know if you could actually help him study or not but he was guaranteed to agree.

Isaac wanted this to work out just as much as you did, and was willing to do whatever it would take to bond with you. The whole situation was weird for both of you, but luckily, you had the pack bond on your side to help you relax about it.

It didn't matter how much time you two spent together, everything was so new in a family dynamic. "That sounds great Y/N-um, mom?" he tried, stopping himself mid-way through your name. It was abundantly clear at this moment just how NEW everything really was.

No matter how strange it may have been for you to hear someone call you mom, there was something about it that you enjoyed. There was just something about it that was music to your ears.

And it was so endearing to hear it from Isaac for the first time. It was so much more meaningful for the two of you to be together in this way. It had been so long since he'd been able to call someone mom, and he wanted nothing more.

It was almost as if he didn't realize how much he'd missed it until just now, and he was embarrassed. "I'm sorry Y/N, I didn't mean to" he apologized, his cheeks burning with his nerves.

You had to admit that you were shocked at his words, but it wasn't a bad thing. The idea that Isaac felt the need to apologize for that was nearly enough to break your heart.

Nearly.

"No sweetie, you don't have to say sorry...you can call me whatever you're comfortable with" You assured, wrapping your arms around the boy's shoulders. You felt him tense lightly but you knew it was just a reflex, hopefully one that you could correct over time.

That was what really shattered your heart. The idea that someone could ever hurt such a sweet, incredibly talented boy was inhuman. Of all the kids, you were glad Isaac was the one you'd chosen to bring into your home, mostly because he was the most in need of the love.

"Thank you, that means a lot to me. I really do owe you and Derek for everything" he whispered, his voice just close enough to your ear so you could hear him without too much struggle.

You knew that this whole thing was going to be a work in progress but as far as you were concerned, it was more than worth it. "You're welcome Isaac, you're our family now" you assured, letting him go to do his own thing for a while.

~

As soon as Isaac was out of the kitchen, you hurried to the bedroom you shared with Derek, tears welling up in your eyes.

The man nearly jumped out of his skin the moment you showed up, the bedroom door closing behind you. That would have amused you if you hadn't been so preoccupied because Derek could be so hard to spook.

"What happened? Are you alright?" He checked, tossing his book to the side in favor of inspecting ever inch of you as if you were bleeding from a terminal wound...he was such a drama queen.

But so were you.

"You will never guess what happened downstairs" you gasped, flopping down on your bed with such force that the mattress shifted. Derek, though, didn't seem to mind.

He was so used to how you excitable you could be, and he found it adorable. It had been a while since he'd seen it so now he was having an amazing time, just waiting for you to tell him what had you that way.

"What happened hon?" he asked, sitting up straight against the headboard to get a better look at you. You were practically vibrating with excitement to tell him your news.

You could hardly breathe.

"Isaac called me mom" you cooed, about to explode from all the feelings you were dealing with. Derek wasn't shocked...

You were more family wrapped up in one person than he's ever had.

[fanghuas]

"I, too, love panicking at the neon disco" with whoever you want? You said send prompts so here I am to support :D

You’re the real MVP, friend. Sorry this took so long and also if you were expecting anything like…quality?? I don’t know what happened here.

The manor’s ballroom had not seen much use in recent years. The amount of galas and fundraisers and functions and what have yous that Bruce Wayne threw on a yearly basis was not negligible, but rarely did they take place in his own home. Intellectually, Bruce knew that the chances of someone wandering off and finding the entrance to the Batcave were low, but no risk was always better than a little risk.

Besides, his home was not for public consumption. Once upon a time, it had been almost like a haunted house to him, but his children had remedied that, filling it with life and laughter and yes, the unmistakable sound of fighting and priceless china shattering. He wouldn’t trade it for the world. Even if most of them didn’t live in the manor anymore, even if at times one or more of them refused to step foot inside for months on end, it belonged to all of them. Gotham’s high society had no place there.

Initially, Bruce had fought to keep the house untouched by time, more mausoleum than home, but all of that had gone out of the window the moment Dick Grayson had come into his life. First it was just Dick’s room, transformed from a neutral guest room to something as vibrant and full of personality as Dick himself, then a framed picture of Dick and Bruce in the study, then the little Batman magnet Dick bought and stuck on the fridge.

And it didn’t stop. More change came along with Jason, with Tim, with Damian and Cass and Duke. Even Stephanie and Barbara had left their mark, despite never having lived in the manor. Pictures in the hallways, books moved around in the library and new ones added to the collection, a drawing room slowly turned into a home cinema, pets and all the equipment that came with them, socks left in the most incredible places.

Bruce was wary of change, but that was one development he could live with.

It was on a late evening when Bruce – after a particularly rough night of patrol and an early morning WE meeting – had just woken up and stumbled into the kitchen for a cup of coffee that he heard it. Faintly, from across the manor, a sound he couldn’t quite identify but that immediately put him on alert. In his half-asleep state, he was at once convinced that it was intruders. None of the kids werehome today besides Duke and Damian, and at this hour the two of them could usually be found in the cave, sparring. Then the mysterious noise couldn’t have come from them. Bruce changed course and took off towards the source of the sound in a sprint.

As he drew closer, he realized that it was music, loud, pumping music, but his mind hadn’t quite registered the implications of that by the time he threw open the ballroom door and barrelled inside. The sight that greeted him was incomprehensible. He stood at the doorway, panting, all of his kids plus Barbara and Stephanie staring at him in varying degrees of concerned amusement.

Fighting to smooth out his expression, Bruce ground out, “Why does the ballroom look like a neon disco?”

It was truly a sight to behold. A bright pink disco ball had been attached to the ceiling. The long, rectangular table that usually adorned the unused dining room had been dragged to one corner of the ballroom, every inch covered in plates and glasses, a pair of glowing lava lamps on each side, Tim’s laptop – the source of the music – balancing precariously in one end. Bruce idly noted that the song now playing was Fly, Robin Fly.

Dick was wearing his old, affectionately dubbed discowing suit. The rest were clad in bell bottoms and spandex jumpsuits and patterned or nylon shirts, paired with platform boots and mismatched jewelry. Even Damian was wearing something that could vaguely pass as a disco outfit. The various styles at play clashed enough to give someone whiplash and the large room with its polished marble floor, high ceiling and tall glass windows made for a rather strange discotheque.

“Oh my god, you should have seen your face,” Jason said, delighted. “Looked like you were having an aneurysm.”

Dick elbowed him in the ribs.

“I was not –”

“It’s alright, Bruce,” Tim cut him off with a snicker. “I, too, love panicking at the neon disco.”

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “I was not panicking.”

“You burst in here like caveman spongebob,” Duke informed him, matter-of-fact.

Bruce really hated it when his kids ganged up on him. “I don’t know what that means.”

Cue another round of snickers. God, Bruce was not awake enough for this. He was starting to think the imaginary intruders might have been easier to deal with.

“Ballroom,” he repeated flatly. “Disco. Why.”

Barbara spoke up, taking pity on him, “Cass wanted to know what the disco was like. Some people decided this meant we ought to throw a party.”

“And we were so right,” Stephanie declared, bumping her fist with Dick’s.

The explanation somehow did not make any of this easier to take in. He felt foolish and wrong-footed after the way he’d reacted, mind instantly going into fight mode. He was used to his kids causing a ruckus around the manor, but he was even more accustomed to danger awaiting in every turn, and coupled with his disorientation, it had been easy for instinct to take over.

“You could have mentioned it beforehand,” Bruce grumbled.

Damian snorted. “We informed you of our plans twice this week, father.”

Bruce squinted. That didn’t seem right. Cassandra had mentioned something about dancing, but disco was not the first thing that had come to his mind, and now that he thought about it Damian might have talked about a possible family gathering later in the week, but –

“I’ve told you guys,” Dick said, exasperated. “You’ve got to tell him once, as soon as you come up with a plan, and then again at most two days before it goes down. He’s old, he forgets things.”

“He probably was around when disco became popular,” Jason said.

“I was not,” Bruce said with great dignity.

Disco was the child of the late sixties and seventies. He was born in 1982. There was a respectable gap there. All of them looked at him with great skepticism. Stephanie disguised a giggle as a cough. Bruce was surrounded by family, and yet he stood among traitors.

“Join the party, Bruce,” Dick urged him with laughter in his voice. Bruce knew something was coming. “…You’re never too old to boogie.”

Bruce turned the full force of his glare on him. Betrayed. Utterly betrayed.

“Oh my god,” Barbara wheezed, throwing her head back with a laugh. “Dick, please never say ‘boogie’ again in your life.”

Bruce’s lips twitched. As perplexed as he had been to wake up to this, he had to admit that it was nice. All the kids together, messing around and having fun. No screaming matches, no brawls. The most dangerous thing in the room was a glitter marker that Stephanie was wielding, Tim and Damian already sporting smears of glitter along their face.

“I’ll stay for a bit,” he said, stepping farther into the room. Then, in a deadpan, “If you’re sure you can tolerate having an old man in your midst, that is.”

(Send me prompts!)

[khadij-al-kubra]

Punk FamILY AU...

If you know me, you know that I LOVE the Punk AU by @asofterfan and I know that they all end up together during college and stuff. So I just couldn’t help imagining all them grown up and becoming parents to a young punkling.

Buckle up friends, this is gonna be a long one. *cracks knuckles* I present to you, A Punk Family AU:

One of the punks is home while the others are at work one day; let’s just say Virgil. And he hears something rifling through their trash can outside. When he goes to investigate if it’s a burglar or a raccoon, it turns out to be a little girl.

She’s skinny with dirty (literally and color-wise) blond hair tucked into a backwards baseball cap, a missing front tooth, beat-up high-tops with holes in them and overalls with a t-shirt that’s too big for her. She can’t be more than 10 or 11.

She jumps at being found and runs, but Virgil follows her. He catches up to her in an alley but as he corners her he holds his hands up and carefully tells her it’s okay. The Girl gets super prickly. Like straight up feral defensive wild child. (more like an angry kitten) She’s clearly been through a lot.

Somehow he manages to gently talk her down, promising he’s not gonna hurt her or call the police. He just wants to talk. He also notices that she’s got a slightly bruised cut on her cheek (something he recognizes easily) and offers her a band-aid and maybe something hot to eat.

She doesn’t know why but somehow this little girl sense she can trust this black clad spiky grown-up. Because even though he looks scary she can see something soft and kind in his eyes behind the purple (her favorite color) bangs; something she’s not used to seeing in adults.

Back at the apartment Virgil gets her cut cleaned up and feeds her some leftovers as well as some of Patton’s cookies. She practically inhales it all. When he gently asks her name she tells him it’s Morgan. That’s all he gets out of her for now, but as promised he wont call the cops. Virgil waits for the others to get back, hoping they can figure out what to do

Logan, Patton and Roman get home and of course are surprised to see Virgil drawing pictures with some strange kid in their living room. Like before, Morgan goes into feral defensive mode, but Virgil tells Morgan. they’re alright. They’re his...friends (getting into the whole polyamory thing isn’t priority now) and promises they won’t hurt her. The punks introduce themselves, and Virgil fills them in.

They all get a sense that this girl is in trouble and want to help. Patton is the most careful around her and Morgan actually softens up a bit. But the second he mentions he’s a social worker she bristles, screaming “I’m NOT GOING BACK TO THAT FOSTER HOUSE! YOU CANT MAKE ME!!” They’re all taken aback. Morgan looks like she’s about to cry but she holds her chin high, fists balled, tough and brave. A true punkling.

Logan calmly tells her that Patton doesn’t work with social services or foster care, and they aren’t going to bring her anywhere she doesn’t want to go. Roman promises on his honor that “you, little princess are safe with us, and may take shelter here for the night.” Logan worries logistically about this but they all agree. Virgil even lets her have his bed.

The next day they eventually get more info out of her. They find out, just as they suspected, that Morgan is a runaway foster kid who’s been in and out of the system. She was taken out of a bad Home situation when she was eight only to be passed around between similar families and people who just wanted a meal card or were abusive or neglectful in various ways to various degrees. After four days in her most recent foster home, she ran away, taking her few personal belongings in a duck taped backpack, and has been living in the streets for a week.

All four of their hearts go out to this tough little girl, but especially Logan and Virgil because SHES JUST LIKE THEY WERE!!! Roman’s a sniffling mess and Patton can’t help but immediately gently hug her, which after a stiff few seconds she melts into because it’s Patton and he’s just magic like that!

And all of them agree to help her somehow. They promise not to take her back and say that ‘if she wants to’ Morgan can stay with them for a while until they find her a safer situation. She looks at all these odd but kind adults, senses something in them that’s the same as her -especially Logan and Virgil- and nods her head yes. Besides, if she needs to, she can always sneak away. It wouldn’t be the first time.

But of course, she doesn’t. Instead they start to look after her. She hangs around and reads or draws or watches tv while they’re at work, and they spend time with her when Home. They shower her with love and kindness and slowly get her to open up to them.

Patton teaches her how to bake, finding out she’s super giggly and clumsy and sweet. When they cut out sugar cookies into shapes (Patton has star, Moon, and dinosaur cut outs) she makes hers look like little monsters and ices them various colors. Its adorable. He calls her kiddo all the time, to which she blushes, but actually really likes it. Better than being called ‘brat’ or ‘that kid’ or ‘good for nothing’ or— Patton stops her there and hugs her. He gives her new compliments and endearing nicknames for every unkind thing that’s ever possibly been said to her. He also tells her lots of Dad jokes, which she finds stupidly hilariously and snort laughs every time. Which makes Patton melt because HOLY HECK SO CUTE!

Turns out she’s also protective like Patton. One day he takes her to the park for fresh air and she pushed a bully into the sand after they were picking on some smaller kid with evident developmental problems, shouting “Eat my fists you monkey faced jerk! I WILL PHYSICALLY FIGHT YOU!!” Needless to say, he’s super proud, but he pulls her off the kid before they both draw too much attention. Then he takes her for ice cream and explains that while it’s great to stand up to bullies you also can’t go around biting people.

Roman practices lines in front of her and she interjects sometimes with her own made up lines that, yes, divert entirely from the plot, but are just too fun and interesting and he just goes along with it. He also brings her to the drama section of the books store to pick out a few plays to read on her own (she stumbles across a copy of Eve Ensler’s “The Vagina Monologues” but he takes it out of her hands saying, “let’s maybe save that one for when you’re a bit older, my little warrior princess.”) He even sews colorful patches onto her old backpack for her and offers to help put studs on her baseball cap.

Logan brings her some small assignments from the middle school he teaches at because runaway kid or not, he’s gonna make sure this little girl learns a thing or two damnit. Turns out she’s super bright and especially loves mythology and history. She’s always asking him to tell her about female historical figures especially, and is fascinated (albeit confused at first but eventually gets it) when he goes on his rants about the stupidity of the binary and toxic masculinity. “Oohhh you mean like how I think boys AND girls are pretty, and how you, Roman, Virgil and Patton all like-like each other?” And Logan’s Punk gay heart is so proud of this perceptive punklet.

Virgil though, oh Virgil bonds with Morgan the most. Not only does he share his past with her and thus she opens up more to him (she even shows him the scar on the back of her shoulder from her first foster parent), but they are SO much alike! Turns out not only do they have the same favorite color, foods and animal, but Virgil finds out that Morgan is also artistic too. She tells him about how she wants to draw comic books when she’s grown-up and they draw together all the time.

In a short amount of time (let’s say a few weeks) all four of them just fall in love with this feisty sweet and artsy little punk!! Suffice to say, they all vote they want to keep her. But eventually someone contacts Patton, finds out (through no fault of his own) that Morgan ran away, and has been with them the whole time.

Her old foster family didn’t report anything till now because they would’ve gotten find or something. Still, she’s in the system so they're preparing to send someone over to place her with a new family. Morgan overhears this and runs to Patton’s arms screaming and crying “DON’T LET THEM TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU! PLEASE!!” They hug her tightly, promising she never has to go back.

They have to go through a LOT of hoops, paperwork, and red tape to keep their promise. Them being four grown poly men and at least half of them in (to their eyes) dubious jobs (ugh the Man), they aren’t exactly ideal or typical candidates for fostering, let alone adoption. However, they are impressed by and convinced by both Patton’s credentials as a therapist/social worker for inner city kids, as well as Logan’s educational background and teaching degree. (Plus, they are admittedly a bit intimidated by Logan and also Virgil)

Eventually (like say it takes a month or so) they are able to get around the system. They ask Morgan if she would want to be part of their family because, even though they love her so much, ultimately what she wants matters most. And Morgan, this little punk lost girl has come to love them too and practically jumps into their arms!! All four surround her in a hug.

Morgan moves in permanently and even officially gets her own room now (Virgil’s old studio, but it’s cool. The guys all share a bed most nights anyway). She’s also got Dot and Larry and Patton’s Mom as the best grandparents ever (they all adore and spoil her when they come over to visit the boys). And she gets also gets along really well with her uncle Thomas who plays ukulele and sings for her. He also tries to teach her how to sing, but it turns out she’s a bit tone deaf. (Oh well) And she’s got her godparent Elliot and her Aunty Remy too, who offers to do her first tattoo WHEN SHES OLDER! (You know her tattoo artist Dad isn’t gonna be the irresponsible parent and let his daughter do that too young, no matter how Punk a family they are)

Logan eventually enrolls Morgan into the school he teaches at too. Instead of being embarrassed to have her Pop as her teacher she brags about it. Like, “that’s right. My Pop is smarter than your dad. All four of them are! Weeeell maybe not Daddy as much.” (Roman: “Hey!”)

However, he does have to step in sometimes when she starts getting into arguments with the other kids when she starts shouting things like “SMASH the patriarchy!” or “I have the best dads in the world! FIGHT ME!” and “Gender’s a construct! The binary’s useless, bitches!!” First time the four of them have ever been called into the principals office because of someone else’s bad behavior XD. Eventually they teach her to tone it down and that there are ways of being punk and standing up for others without resorting to screaming and fighting first; something it took them years to learn and only now appreciate as adults.

Usually Papa Patton will come to pick her up after school and they’ll either go to the park or to home. Sometimes he’ll gently and subtly get her to talk a little about her past if he sees she’s been down lately and they’ll hug out the bad feelings. Sometimes her Daddy Roman will pick her up and take her to the theater he works at so she can hang out backstage. All the performers love her, and she even starts getting interested in and learning about tech work from the stage crew.

Family time for them includes laughing around the dinner table, them listening to Morgan’s stories, and movie marathons with cuddle piles. Either Disney movies or Marvel movies (usually the latter if Morgan pulled out the kitty eyes; the punks’ kryptonite.)

If she ever does have bad days or wakes up from nightmares about her old life, it’s usually her Dad Virgil who’ll be first to her bedside rocking her in his arms; then all four are there surrounding her with kisses and hugs and love. In short, Morgan is the happiest she’s ever been with her new loving punk family. And all four of the punks found the piece of their family they hadn’t even known was missing.

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Spiritual Log October 27 2019 also New Moon in Scorpio Post

Subtitle: I wanna quit but my soul has other plans lol Also why it is important to clear one's self to help clear the mass collective energies

Hi everyone, the Scorpio New Moon is just a few hours away, and I hope everyone's able to set their intentions, wishes, stuff you wanna integrate or cast or manifest into your lives. If you have been feeling the strong, heavy vibes, well, that's partly because this is around the time that we need to become fully aware of who we really are, and releasing what prevents us from living the life we were meant to have in this 3d realm, thus the excess baggage feels in both the physical and the heavy feelings or emotions. Also we're around the shadow of a Mercury retrograde plus the intense Scorpio energies so, I pray we all survive. Mercury is gonna be stuck until around Dec 10 so... That's gonna be one, bumpy, tear-jerky ride. I gotta stocks some toilet rolls lolz but seriously, it is likely that more people will be feeling the effects of their shadows even more so, as always I suggest clearing stale energies, cleaning up your closets (like the real ones or whatever you're hiding inside). Mercury retrograde season may suck because everything, including your life just seems stuck in the mud, but also this is a wonderful time to introspect. Go within. Find the missing parts of your soul. I gave that one a go because my intuition has been nagging me lately, and I feel a bit tired but at the same time I wake up feeling refreshed, unlike before where even sleeping makes me tired lol.

I hope you guys won't get tired of me (or of anyone else) saying this same message. Especially those who have been clearing so much of the stale, low-vibrational and stuck energies in all of their subtle as well as physical bodies. This process can be very frustrating, extremely painful, it can even drive you insane. But the strong message that I have been getting from the Divine Realms has been this:

You are here to bridge the gap between the higher realms and the lower planes. To bring in the love from Source and transmute the energies that prevent that from happening. To clear off the spiritual debris inside of you, so that each time another person triggers you, you will have no reaction but rather gain understanding and give back love, thus preventing the cycle of pain and hurt from happening and decreasing the low vibrational energies that feed this kind of thinking, of believing, and of living.

Like for example, someone sends you an extreme hatred of some sort (oh glob, I hope you avoid it but in case it did, well, I hope this example helps). You have no idea why someone would do that. Your old 3D self would either get triggered strongly (aka return that same hatred to the sender, or send it to someone else, or just cry and let it dampen your spirits), or just forget about it, depending on whether you got affected by it or not. Until something similar triggers it again. It will most likely repeat until something happens and you start running out of options.

But!

Think of it this way:

Once you're living in a higher realm of consciousness and understanding (like 5D and above), not only will your ability to sense why the hatred was there in the first place get stronger, but also because you can see things from a higher consciousness, you can help heal and transmute this within yourself. Like an older person having an insight on why a younger person is troubled, a parent giving unconditional love to their child who has been acting annoying and rebellious lately, or even as a person who feels the reason why their friend has been out of sorts and yet doesn't continually nag them to change or return to their old selves because they knew that the other person must become stronger through an event.

I am just putting this out there because the fact that living an awakened life is like living in extremes (i.e. You either feel super high vibes and unconditional love from the univers or things just make you feel like you're in the deepest hellholes on earth). But after 3 years of my conscious awakening, despite the fact that so many awakened people and wayshowers and starseeds and lightworkers and gurus have been talking about the importance of clearing the self, the subconscious, the energies, basically one's entire being because by clearing the self you're supposedly help in clearing the entire collective too. But honestly, I haven't seen the spiritual community talk about how this works. So I always have felt bad and annoyed at this concept. It makes zero sense. Some of the questiins in my head consist of:

Why do I have to do the clearing?

Why am I even in this prison-like hell-hole of a planet? I wanna go home.

Great things aren't happening to me and I'm giving it my all, what the f*** universe, do you hate me that much? I am not allowed to even have a but of fun here? F*** you and all who aren't incarnated physically and feeling the extreme pain.

Or just simply the idea that when I am healed, others get healed too because we are all ONE. YEAH RIGHT. The last time I heard that kind of stuff was when EXO was still complete with 12 members.

Seriously, universe and Higher Self are you effing with me (also I am obviously fangirling here so you can let that shit slide, unless YOU know what I'm talking about. In that case, high five lol 👋).

But really, nobody said that spiritual awakening would be easy, and unfortunately maybe more than half the planet is already starting to awake and some of us wayshowers are still cleaning our own grime, living stuck in the mud and not moving anywhere, or just sunk in the deepest pits of depression and regret for even waking the heck up.

Right now I am angry at the universe for even keeping me alive despite the shitty life, the existential and desperate survival crises, and feeling cut off from the miracles that made me wanna spiritually awaken a lot more (and why I chose it in the first place). But a small part of me also knows this:

Dying is easy, living is a million times harder. And yet, what happens during the time you're alive is what makes life worth living.

I am honestly not in the best place to say that. I am still living in rock bottom but I am doing my best to live one day at a time. It sucks. But really, finding your soul tribe can help so much. Even a small cheering message from a friend can help you survive the day. And that is enough to get anybody going. Like walking a thousand miles through a long, dark road with nothing but a flashlight on. You walk that stretch step by step, bit by bit. Because you need to, and YOU HAVE TO. And that is the true path of the awakening process.

*Take a deep breath*

Gah, that felt heavy AF, I was just gonna post about how happy I was after going back to cross stitching but here I am lol. Still, I do hope that despite the content, any grammatical errors or typos, you find a sense of comfort somehow. This is not an easy path for us, and at the same time, everyone else will be walking this path too, long after we've moved on. We are all meant to awake to our true selves, all 7 billion of us here, but not everyone will be answering that call at the same time. Most will be ignoring it, a lot will answer and then hang up, and a fraction of us will answer, take a pen and paper and write the details down and process it later. Again, everyone will eventually do it, but at each one's own time.

I pray that you overcome all of the obstacles that have been preventing you from achieving your true greatness. And as always, may you find the healing you seek.

Forever with love and hugs from Source above, I remain your friend and Soul sibling,

三日月

Mikazuki

P.S. If you've reached this end after reading so much stuff, shoutout to you and your wonderful soul! 💗

P.S.S. I hope you guys don't mind me going off character aka going fangirl mode while talking about spiritual stuff. I am just that kind of person. Still sending you love though. 💖