#hes so much more ???? beautiful and amazing and the most fucking perfect human ive ever met in real life :(( i couldnt take my eyes off him

[chnsfairy]

just . chan w_____w

[charleswaterloo]

AGREED DO THE ULTIMATE FIC REC

Thank you so much for asking!! Okay, here we go!

DC fics that I got a few paragraphs into and already KNEW were going to be AMAZING:

1. The Jason Project by loosingletters

Warnings: Major Character Death

Jason had just wanted to see his autopsy report, he had only wanted to know what information Bruce had about his death. And when Bruce hadn't given it to him, he had stolen it. He hadn’t meant to stumble upon the bucket list of a dead child and the footage of a grieving father crossing one item after another off the list.

My thoughts: I don't often cry (which isn't healthy lmao) but this fic made me cry (happy tears!). It is absolutely wonderful and while angsty it has such a beautiful ending. I can't recommend it enough!

2. Little bird by Ididloveyou_once

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tim knew he was fucked if only for the way that his brain was chanting Jason, like a litany. So he definitely didn’t need to hear the cold, mechanical chuckle or the chillingly delighted 'lucky me' to know that this was not good.

He took a second to look down at his coffee mournfully.

Then, he threw it at Hood’s helmet and bolted down the Tower corridor.

Or: Tim is supposed to be at Gotham Academy for a parent-teacher conference. Hood has other plans (Titans Tower AU).

My thoughts: One of the best Titans Tower AU fics I have ever had the pleasure of reading. The ending is to die for and so fluffy - it never fails to warm my heart <3

3. Straight to Voicemail by cabbagetop

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

“Red Hood. I need you to incapacitate Timothy Drake-Wayne.” “Aw, man,” Jason sighs, shouldering through the old wooden doors and out into the street with his books under his arm. “You and half the northern hemisphere. What’d he do this time?”

Jason's phone is blowing up about one Timothy Drake-Wayne (who is Jason's responsibility since when, exactly?). Jason comfort-eats. Jason suffers long. Jason reluctantly tries to keep this Raphus cucullatus of a human being alive, and maybe finds himself sidling back into the family while he's at it.

My thoughts: I was crying with laughter by the third sentence. If you want free serotonin, you will find it here folks, I guarantee it. Brilliantly written and hilarious and such a fantastic interpretation of Jason's character. Please read this lmao <3

4. miss me? by envysparkler

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Jason’s plan to observe his family’s reactions to his resurrection…does not go as intended.

My thoughts: I think I've recommended this one at least once before, but I will do so again because it is one of the best stories I have ever had the honour of reading on AO3. It has a happy ending, but was another fic which actually made me tear up. It is just beautiful and I'm sure some of you have read it before. Read it again even if you have - it's that good.

5. No Pain, All Gain by @sohotthateveryonedied

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Bruce checks Tim’s IV. “Are you in any pain? Do you need more morphine?”

Tim’s pupils are so wide that only the faintest ring of blue can be seen. He watches Bruce the way a five-year-old watches cartoons. “I’m all good, B-dog. All Gucci, like we cool teens say." His words are slurred almost beyond recognition, but Tim doesn’t seem to notice or care. "I could fight Superman right now.”

My thoughts: I know of only about 3 or 4 fics featuring Tim absolutely high out of his mind on some drug or another and this has got to be one of the absolute best of them. Whenever I feel the Depression(TM) crawling in and I need to laugh INSTANTLY I read this. It has not failed me yet. I can't recommend it enough it's so funny and a great read <3 The line below from the fic makes me scream laugh EVERY TIME:

“He’s not in his right mind.” “So? Neither are you half the time but you’re still in charge of everything.”

6. The Ouija Boy by SunnyBlue

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Timothy Drake was a stillborn baby. He was born dead, stayed that way for a solid five minutes, and was then resuscitated in the delivery room. He was a child who grew up alone, but for his imaginary friends. He had so many imaginary friends, in fact, that his parents sent him to get evaluated several times over the course of his childhood, which was spent with Tim as the only heartbeat in that house.

But that didn’t mean he was alone.

---

Tim sees dead people. When a Batboys murder investigation is going nowhere, he realizes his only chance at solving the case is to speak to the ghost of one of the victims. He has to reveal his secret to his brothers -- or risk the killer getting away.

My thoughts: STAND BACK FOR POSSIBLY ONE OF MY TOP TEN FAVOURITE FICS OF ALL TIME. I'm pretty sure I've recommended this one before but I will do so again. The story is impeccable, the mystery is ELITE and everything about it is literally perfect. I re-read this at least once a month so I can bask in its greatness and become a better person for having read it.

7. there but for the grace of god by TheResurrectionist

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

From a tumblr prompt.

AKA, "A Justice League fic where everyone argues about who's the most beautiful and intimidating sexy from the Big Three and everyone has valid points."

My thoughts: I'm going to let the note I added to the bookmark I made of this fic speak for itself. Here's what I wrote: "This was so funny - shoutout Jason for undeniable lad vibes plus the fact he felt he needed to neatly organise and write down the big three's sexiest traits."

8. American Ninja Worrier by DangerBeckett

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

It's just like Tim to give a poor college student a start in the business world. Kid's a bleeding heart, and usually, that's the sort of thing Jason avoids at all costs. He prefers his bleeding hearts on the literal side, and despite Bruce's best efforts, he's never had a head for business.

Unfortunately, though, this time the business is ninjas, and that's the sort of thing that makes Jason take notice. Because Bruce is useless, and someone's gotta make sure Tim's new internship program doesn't take down all of Gotham.

That's Jason's job, after all.

My thoughts: Please GOD just read the first few paragraphs. You'll know exactly what I mean when I say that this fic is it. Hilarious, badass and adorable. I mean, see the title of this fic rec. I just knew this fic was going to be amazing from the first line.

I have many, many more of course, but I'll leave this here for now as it's getting to be a pretty long post. Anyway, these are all fics - short and long! - that I knew were going to be absolutely perfect within the first few moments of reading. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

[saturnsstufff]

The Empress (pt.II)

Hello again! I hope your having an amazing day, night, or morning! Don't forget to drink water!

Warnings: mention of Alcohol, swearing

Words: 5,951

   The time spent on the ship was long, tiring and freezing. The weather danced between rain, sleet, snow, and hail. Complete opposite of what conditions you were used to. But thankfully land was just up ahead. The ever changing weather shifting finally for snow. As the snow danced in the sky you couldn't help notice the beauty, back at your village snow was basically never seen. unless you went to the higher elevations that is.

   As you approached the tiny harbor the captain made it very clear he would not be staying. He was here to drop you off and leave, not wanting to stay long at the Empire. This had you chewing your lip, finding your way home would be up to you at the end of this. Which wouldn't be so bad usually, but you didn't know anyone. So it was bad.

   When they docked you took your things. The sword carefully wrapped up and strapped to your back, your bag sitting atop it. you'd be damned if your going to loose that blade now that you were finally at your destination. You carefully got off the boat with a little help from a crew member. Trying not to fall from the ice already forming.

   The first thing you could notice about the land was the unfamiliar sharp smell in the air of winter. It was absolutely freezing. You pulled your cloak around you more, slowly making your way to the small village. The land definitely wasn't welcoming. Besides the village there was just plain barren land, draped with light fluffy snow. The village was however quaint. Logged cabins stood as a contrast against the white snow. Smoke rose up into the air by winding, and straight chimneys. Looking around at the village almost looked like a nice painting. But when you look up you realize the quaint little village was surrounded by ice spikes. They looked as if the gods had thrown them as spears, impaling the earth. Although beautiful, the thought of one of them crashing down on you, had you weary.

   The people were the second thing you noticed. They were mostly hybrids, but humans were also seen wondering about. As you walked away from the harbor more people came into view. The people were so beautiful, it almost took you by surprise. Tucked beneath large fur lined cloaks you could see a similarly of sharp featured faces. Even the human hybrids looked ethereal, ranging from tall divine Enderman, Piglins, animals, your sure you even saw a Shulkerbox.

   The once quiet humming streets were soon differentiated by a loud buzzing noise that shook you from your admiring state, your turned to see rather large... things? The things you were looking at were made out of metal, that much you could easily see. A bright blue painted sun sat on the side. The signa of the Antarctic Empire. On the top of the metal contraption there were wings. Two of them, spanning way out on the sides. The things slowly circled until they landed in the barren field. There were four of them, all of them slowly landing one at a time. Slowly they moving to the village edge. You sat and watched with curiosity until the buzzing had stopped.

   At this point you realized how cold you were. You tore your eyes away from the metal contraptions. Looking around for a place to seek warmth. You saw a Bar up ahead and instantly knew that would be the best place to start. Walking over, minding the large banks of snow, you pushed the door open. Instantly you met with a rush of warm air. A smile fell on your lips, man you missed that feeling. Being on the boat they only had lanterns, and you better believe that did not keep you warm. You pushed in further. Looking around for a seat, the only ones you could find were at the Bar it self. Setting your bag by your feet, sword still strapped to your back you climbed onto the stool. You couldn't help but look around at the décor. Behind the bar, the shelfs were covered with random bottles and bottles of liquor. Some almost gone and some not even opened yet. The walls were lined with mounts from hunts, elk, deer, the occasional game animals. The one that shocked you was the bear. Back at your village bear was not local, so seeing a mount of one, and the sheer size they were was kind of terrifying.

   The bar it self was mostly filled with men and the occasional women. Some people were gambling, but most were just drinking and laughing. Enjoying each others company. After summing the atmosphere up you turned to the bartender and offered a shy smile.

   "Wha'd you like?" He asked, his voice was deep and gruff. He was dressed very nice, a vest with a white button up. His hair combed back, he looked like he was ready for a date with someone. He had a hard face, but did offer a smile.

   "Whatever you recommend?..." You asked a bit sheepishly. He smiled wider, nodding before he turned his back. Starting to prepare your drink. You took your time to look around more. The wood of the bar under your hands was nice, kinda reminded you of sitting back at the kitchen table with your family. Your family. The thought of them pained you. After being away for a bit you came to see how much of a homebody you really were. Your mothers kind smile, morning coffee with your father, the roosters crowing to alert the farmers of morn. The smell of dew on the grass. The sigh that escaped your lips was one of lonesome.

   Unbeknownst to you, a stranger had entered the bar. The quiet chatter soon died down to nothing. A few groups of people even decided to leave the bar as a whole. The strange man, a tall one for sure, pulled out the stool and sat next to you. With him came three men as well. All were dressed in high ranking military attire. Combat boots adorned there feet well heavy cloaks draped there shoulders. Beneath the cloaks something was definitely poking up towards the ceiling. The fur that lined the cloaks was not mere rabbit or minx. It was big, and definitely fluffy. But oh so warm. The fourth man, the strange tall man, stood out. He was in a heavy cloak as well, but also in robes of green instead of blues. He wore a white hat with green stripes. His face had a bit of stubble, but it looked nice. His hair was sandy blonde, with fairly straight locks. It was a tad on the longer side, but he had it pulled into the hat mostly. Only a braid and a bit of bangs poped out the front. Besides the normality of his appearance, the thing that stuck out were his Great wings. There were the color of a raven, but on a much greater scale.

   "Hello" His voice rang though as he addressed the bartender. This caught your attention, pulling you from your thoughts of your parents. Looking to the men you had immediately noticed the military attire, it was unsettling to say the least. You glanced away, feeling like you shouldn't be looking at them. The atmosphere had grown tense. Deciding to face down instead of the new company, you noticed the bartender had set a drink in front of you. The liquid was clear, unsure if it was water however due to a weird strong burning smell.

   Your attention was drawn back to the man again, he whispered something to the three military men before they left with a swift nod. for some reason the military men were more terrifying than the man next to you. At there leave, the blonde gentleman was alone at the bar. His gaze met with your curious one.

   "Hello there little one" he said gently. His voice was kind, and light hearted. The smile that laced his lips was nothing near malicious.

   "Hello" with your reply you gave a light nod. Still a little unsure.

   "You don't look like your from around here" He must have known, or judged your lack of warmer heavier clothes. You could only nod in agreement. "What brings you to the Empire? You hav'ta be fucking stupid to come here for a vacation" he mused, his sight chuckle was warm to hear. You couldn't help but smile a bit at his contagious one.

   "I actually came to deliver this sword to the Empire.. I'm just uncertain how to get to the capital" his interest almost visibly double.

   "Really now" He removed his hat. Setting it aside, you could see a hanging emerald from his ear. "Did you make the sword yourself?" He took his drink and easily downed the whole thing, facing you for curiosity. Wherever he came from he was obviously very thirsty.

   "I did actually, I'm quite proud of it too.. i believe its the best one ive made yet" your smile grew wider. He hummed as he set the glass down with a light 'tink'. He shrugged his outer cloak off. You took note of how the slits were made to form around the massive wings.

   "Not many women smith's out there, if your blade is chosen i hav'ta think its a pretty damn good one. Do you have your letter?" He inquired. You nodded. Leaning down, sifting through your things. Pulling out the neatly folded letter. You gently handed it to him. His hands were gloved with thick black leather, guarding what you assume is his hands from the climate. He opened the letter and glanced it over, his eyes lingering the seal. "Well I'll be damned. Alrighty then. Do you need a ride by chance?" You tilted your head a bit. Taking the letter back.

   "A ride?" He chuckled, Nodding to you.

   "You don't have a idea where the capital is do you?" You shook your head slowly. Feeling a little foolish now. "Hey, hey. I didn't mean it rudely. Your not familiar around here. I gotta swing by the capital after this stop. I could give you a ride if you would like. Save ya' a lot of trudging in the snow.".

   "Oh! R-right!" You nodded. "Please id actually really like that".

   "Perfect, we can leave whenever you'd like. Although I recommend we leave soon. Flying at night is a fuckin' nightmare" he stated.

   Your brow furrowed. "Flying? You mean with your wings?".

   "No mate, I mean with the plane". He leaned in his chair. Folding his hands on his lap. His strong blue eyes never waved away from yours. When he leaned back you noticed a long hilt attached to his hip. Your eyes flickered from his eyes to the hilt.

   "What's a plane?" You asked curiosity lingering your voice. He laughed a deep chested laugh. Only making you feel a bit stupid at your question now. When he noticed you weren't joking he went surprised.

   "Oh your actually serious. Erm.." he paused a bit. Trying to think. "Where exactly do you come from?" He asked. Leaning closer to you now. His brows were slightly knit together in confusion.

   "Oh.. I uhm. came from a small village out in Madagascar." You watched him as you moved your hands to your lap.

   "You haven't seen a plane?" He asked again. Almost just to clarify that if you were joking, this would be the time to out yourself. You shook your head. "Hunh. Well then.." he said Shrugging. "Fair enough. Here come with me." He said as he stood, brushing his hair back before placing his cap on. He patted his coat a bit. You watched. Assuming he meant for you to stand was well. "Shit.." he mumbled. You realized he was looking for money.

   "Oh- here I got it" you dug in your pocket and handed a few coins over to the bartender. The blonde watched. Almost mentally taking note. The bartender gave you a weird look when you handed the money over.

   "You didn't drink your glass miss" you looked down and realized. You took it and took a sip expecting water. It wasn't water. You nearly spit it out. But swallowed instead to spare the embarrassment. The blonde man laughed at your face as it contorted into disgust. It burned the whole way down your throat, filling your body with a quick glow of warmth. The stranger took the glass from you and took a wif, laughing more before easily downing it.

   "Good to know vodka doesn't agree with you" he said still laughing. You watched as he set the glass down, pulling his cloak on. Well you grabbed your things you looked up and noticed he had a signa of the empire on it.

   "Why does it burn so much?.." you asked, wishing you never took that sip. He mused at you well you two walked side by side together.

   "Ah, don't worry so much on it. I have actual water in the plane you can have" he walked towards the metal contraption with you. At this you assumed this was a 'plane'. Gods was it big.

   "How does it fly?" You asked looking it over in curiosity. He only hummed before answering.

   "Its actually really simple. The propeller in the front will spin and gets air going. Once there's enough momentum it will pull the plane forward, i just steer it up and we will glide." He explained as if it was the simplest thing in the world. You didn't quite fully understand. But something told you he didn't expect you too. He climbed up and asked for your bag. Placing it in the plane where there were two seats. After your bag was situated he offered you a heavy cloak. It was lined with thick fur. "Your going to want this. It gets cold in flight. You nodded and pulled it on your shoulders. Instantly feeling the warmth and heaviness the cloak brought. You saw his hand come down reaching for yours. "Here let me help you up" his hand was firm and definitely a strong one. Pulling you up like it was nothing. Once you were on the wing of the plane he helped you steady yourself. He grabbed your waist without warning and lifted you up like a child. "Go ahead and step in- Mind your feet though, step on the seat and then sit" you fallowed his instructions. Feeling his grip slip from your waist as you sunk into the cockpit. You took note at how low you sat in the seat, there were buttons and two weird looking things beside you. They were long and bulky, you wouldn't touch them since you obviously had no idea what they did. He easily hopped into the front seat well he folded his wings carefully. Being mindful of the limited space the seats offered.

   "I never caught your name" you said looking up to the back of the man.

   "Oh that's right, I'm Philza. What's your name?" He asked as he turned his head towards you a bit.

   "Nice to meet you Philza, I'm (y/n)" he smiled more fallowing it up with him being pleased to meet you. "If I can ask. What are these?" You inquired. Pointing to the bulky long things next to you.

   "Oh those are my rifles'" he stated simply. You blinked in slight confusion. 'Rifles? The hell's a Rifle?' Your silence gave away your confusion. "Its a Gun. A type of weapon. Its faster than a bow and just as dangerous" you gave a little 'oh' in response. "The safety is on. It cant hurt you, I promise" he stated as he started up the plane. The loud buzzing starting up. "I usually fly alone, unless I'm with Tech. This should he interesting" he said with a wide smile. You felt the plane lurch before it moved. On instinct you gripped your seat. You were forced back as the plane lifted up from the ground. You couldn't help but watch as the little village grew smaller. You soon got awfully high, it was frightening to say the least. But something told you the man driving wouldn't let anything hurt you. Philza carefully maneuvered around the giant ice spikes. Flying with ease like a bird. "Go ahead and get comfortable. We'll be a slight bit" you saw him adjust in his seat, presumably getting more comfortable. You glanced the ground again before sinking into your seat yourself. Pulling the cloak around you more, enjoying the warmth it brought you. The loud buzz made you realize you were honestly quite tired. Well you were on the ship you worked from dawn until past dusk. Feeling no forceful urge to do anything currently, you let the gentle rock of the plane lull you to sleep.

   "Aye, kiddo?" You herd someone call, nudging you a slight bit. You shifted, realizing you were in a seat. Memories from before your nap rushed forward as you opened your eyes, wiping the sleep from them. Phil sat with a smile as he stood on the wing of the plane. "Took a nap i see. Don't blame you, c'mon lets get you inside." Your eyes flickered around, sleep still lingering making your eyes heavy. It was now nighttime, and Phil was right the temperature does drop when the sun goes down. "Were at the palace" he said as he took your shoulders. Lifting you up like a child again. Setting you on the wing of the plane. You held onto his arm to steady yourself.

   "Palace?" You mumbled. Still trying to wake up more. Phil just gave a hum and a firm nod before handing you your bag, and the blade. He stepped off the wing and helped you down. You thanked him and looked around in awe. You were in a large open room. Planes were lined up everywhere, it honestly was amazing.

   "Fallow me" he stated. Smiling at you as he made his way across the floor. You fallowed, walking around the lined up planes. Soon you two found a corridor. The walls were made of whites, greys, blues and the occasional green-blue-ish tint. Pillars lined the corridors, as small candle lit chandeliers illuminated them. Shadows dancing with the flick of the flame. The floors were carpeted down the middle. White marble on the outsides. The dark oak details contrasted all the white so beautifully.

   "Dadza!!" You herd a child yell. You turned with Phil to see a boy no older than 12 with brown hair running to phil. His curls bounced as he ran, his wide smile shining. The child, was more than beaming with love as he threw himself into Philza's arms.

   "Hi bud" Phil had bended down to the Childs size. Hugging him close to his chest. As he smiled back at the child before he explained to you. "(Y/n), this is my son Wilbur" you gave a nod as Wilbur waved cheerfully. Hugging tightly to his father. Phil rested his hand on top of Wilbur’s head, ruffling the curls. You didn't think he was a father, but somehow now that you see him with a child- his son to be exact. How he treated you now, and back at the bar, makes sense now.

   "Tech, said you wouldn't be here until tomorrow!" Wil said cheerfully, having a awful lot of energy for the time of night. Wil was honestly an adorable child. He was tall, thin, but very well dressed. Golden glasses rested on his nose, his attire consisted of a white button down, and simple black pants. his sleeves were rolled up slightly, showing he was working. happy enough to say, you could tell he was well taken care of. You herd the name 'Tech' get thrown around again. You herd Phil mention that name before you fell asleep, but it never really stuck out.

   "Did he now" the boy hummed in agreement. "Did he also scold you for being out of bed?" Phil lifted a brow challengingly to Wil. His tone taking on a more strict role. In response Wil merely shrugged. 

“He may have mentioned it.” Wil’s tone was casual, it also showed that he didn't take Phil’s tone too seriously. Phil in turn just rolled his eyes with a sigh.

   We came to two tall wooden doors. A guard opening one at the sight of Phil, and Wilbur. You still weren't sure how, or why, you were in the palace. Nor how no one questioned your presence. You didn't feel like questioning much. Feeling like you were far out of the loop quite honestly.

   Past the doors was a medium sized circular room. In the center stood a tall man. His shoulders were wide and brawn. He had a boar's skull as a mask. The tusk's adorned with jewelry. His ears were well pierced with golden chains and tiny diamonds. You caught that like Phil, the man had a single emerald earring. He definitely stood out to say the least. He had pink hair, neatly pulled into a ponytail. Braids shown through his hair, offering a contrast to the soft flowing pink. On one braid he had a black feather attached. His clothes shown a higher status. He had a white button down that was slightly undone at the top, you saw reading glasses attached on a chain that hung around his neck. A red sash sat wrapped around his waist, pulling together the white and black he wore. He had a larger sword strapped to his waist, the hilt of the sword was long and adorned with gold. His black pants were neatly tucked into his boots. He stood arms crossed. Almost like he was expecting Phil.

   "Eh?.." was all he said when he saw you and phil.

   "Ah Techno. I see your still awake too" the man called 'Techno' gave a nod to phil. "(Y/n), this is my other son, Technoblade" you looked from Phil, to Wil, and then to techno. There was a age gap between the boys, but you couldn't tell the exact age. Techno’s stature made you assume he was much older. since he was taller than Phil, not by much however."(Y/n) is here for the weapon call. She has her letter if you would like to see" Phil explained to techno. Instead of a response techno merely faced you. You were not able to see his eyes or much of a expression. Only his jaw was seen since the boar skull had no lower jaw. Techno's jaw however sat in a stoic, locked placement. Soon his monotone voice came through. It was low, smooth and captivating.

   "You came for the weapon call?" He questioned, his voice, nor his stance wavered. the closer you got to Techno you saw how broad he was built. His shoulders looked as if he could have supported anvil’s on them. His stature and his voice made him very menacing. You gave a slight nod. Techno only faced you shortly before he faced Phil again. "I'll test the weapon tomorrow." He stated plainly. You saw Phil nod his head in agreement.

   Phil faced you next "We have a spare room you can stay in" he flashed you a warm smile. Techno stood beside him, contrasting the warmth you felt from Phil. Techno however, did step back to allow you to fallow Phil. Techno never looked away from you. He was facing you well you passed. It unnerved you a little, you couldn't see his eyes, but man you could tell he was staring at you. The thought of how one man could have a happy smiling boy, and then one that stuck fear into you for simply breathing his air didn't make a lick of sense. Scary or not you would give it to Techno. He made terrifying look nice.

   The palace was larger than you expected, but still beyond elegant. Wil wondered beside Phil casually. Thinking on the ‘Weapon Call’ you decided now was a good time to bring it up. well fallowing Phil down the beautiful corridors you spoke up.

   “is there anyone else here?” you watched Phil’s back. Well walking the halls he had removed his cap, so you were at least able to see his expression a bit. from what you could see he was pondering his answer.

   “Yeah.. Yeah, no we’ve had others here for it” the suggestion of ‘had’ made your brows knit together. Wil shot a glance back to you before glancing his father. Phil must have took this as a chance to explain. “we had a few people show, they couldn't beat the test however.” his tone was casual. the idea of a test made your stomach drop. ‘what kind of test?’, ‘what will they do to the blade?’, ‘what happens if I fail?’, questions raced your mind. 

   “t...test?” you worded it hesitantly, only earning a hum of agreement. 

   “techno is very peculiar on what he wants in a sword. it has to fit to his strength and his taste.” Phil paused briefly, “Sadly no sword so far, has been strong enough to withstand his strength.”. oh you could have died on the spot at that. that was the equivalent of ‘Oh yeah, thanks for coming thousands of miles. here's your participation ribbon’. the only response you could muster was a simple ‘Oh’. At your response Wil turned to face you, walking backwards. 

   “Don't feel discouraged, techno can be a mighty dick when he wants to be-” at that you stifled a laugh as he was swatted upside the head by Phil.

    after the light comment from Wil, the three of you fell into silence. occasionally you saw a painting or two, one did stand out though upon passing. There was a beautiful woman, she looked kinder than any woman you’ve seen to be honest. In her arms was a baby, wrapped up and peacefully asleep. By her arms stood Phil, he had a kind, warm smile. Your eyes moved down the painting. in between the couple stood a young child, he had pink hair and a shy smile. he looked like a sweet kid, you could automatically assume who the family was just from the child and Phil.

   Soon the room came to view. it was at the end of the corridor, which honestly didn't bother you. The thought of a comfortable bed  had you more excited than you cared to admit. Phil opened the door for you. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. breakfast is around six to ten.” Phil and Wil watched you walk in, looking around in awe at the glorious room. “I’ll have a maid get you some warmer clothes too. If your staying for a bit I can promise you will want something heavier than what you have.” You turned back to face him a thankful smile on your lips.

   “Thank you...” you were so thankful. You knew you would have to find a way to make it up to them for letting you stay. Especially without the permission of the Emperor. Phil nodded and bid a goodnight with Wil at his side. When you herd the door ‘click’ shut you couldn't help but look around again. So much had happened in under 24 hours that processing it all was hard. What started as meeting a strange man in a bar, turned into staying at the palace. talk about right time, right place. You smiled at the thought, you hoped that whatever was guiding you would continue.

   You set your bag down at the foot of the bed. taking the blade off your back. it was heavy, feeling the weight lifted off was a blessing all by itself. you carefully set the blade on the ottoman at the end of your bed. you turned your head towards the window. when you approached you didn't expect to see much, but oh you should have. outside was a view worth a million words. It wasn't a village, it was a prosperous city. Massive didn't even begin to explain the size. You couldn't even fathom how many people lived here. the city could have held your small village twenty times over. you knew the Antarctica Empire was large and powerful. but you never expected this. Your smile fell slowly.

   At that though you looked away from the city, facing back into your room. the four post bed was calling your name. Grabbing your clothes from your bag you changed into something you could comfortably sleep in. well changing new thoughts raced your mind. you knew the empire was known for being harsh and dangerous. yet so far all you have seen is beauty and kindness. this made you weary ‘was this all a painted face?’, ‘was this what they wanted you to see?’ ‘under this, is the whole country suffering under dictatorship?’. you thought back to Phil's face, the smiles he offered you. The Painting of the family. nothing said they were malicious. But nothing cemented that they were also kind people. you were a traveler. a foreigner, you didn't belong here. Your only here because your bringing a ‘gift’. When the gift looses its price then what? What will happen to you? What happened to those who gave blades previously?

   You didn't want to think anymore. You simply wanted to sleep. Pushing the heavy covers back you crawled into the unfamiliar bed. You pulled and pushed pillows until you could find a comfortable spot. You adjusted your head a bit and slowly fell into the embrace of a deep sleep. 

   Morning came faster than you anticipated. There were no birds chirping or the sound of deep waves rolling. Instead it was a warm fireplace. You rolled over, rubbing your eyes before arching your back in a stretch. The bed was warm and pleasant. You rolled your head and saw a pair of blue toned clothes at the foot of the bed. Those must have been the clothes that Phil mentioned last night. you found a old grandfathers clock in the corner. The hands pointed at 8:26. Thinking over what may await today you pushed yourself up. Gently running your fingers over the material, you were genuinely surprised. it was heavy and from what you would gage, warm. a sweet smell lingered, looking about you saw there was a bathroom connected. walking closer the smell of Chai grew. there was a bath prepared for you. you glanced the time, the clothes and then the bath again. ‘I mean it wouldn't hurt’.

   You cleaned yourself, the water wasn't scalding hot, but it was just enough. It was welcoming. The baths on the ship were nothing to this, the ones on the sea were often cold and nothing you wanted to linger in. Where here you could stay in the warm water all day, if you thought you could get away with it. You didn't linger though. You simply cleaned up and stepped out. letting the water out. Stepping out of the bathroom was horrible. The steam had tricked you into a false security of warmth. The room was cold, goosebumps ran your skin making you hurry to dress. The clothes were made incredibly well. Nothing from what you had back at your village. The base of the clothes consisted of a long black shirt and simple black pants. After that it was simple layering. You had a jacket similar to a cloak almost, over that a simple blue cape to drape over your shoulders. you assumed it had no signa to show you were not one of the empires people. There were gold as accents on the sleeves of the jacket, and on the cape itself. the whole fit was elegant. you saw your old shoes next to boots. slipping the boots on you wondered out. to find something to eat. your stomach turning in knots from the lack of food. 

   when you turned the corner you saw Phil. he smiled at you “Ah, just  came to see if you were up” he was dressed similar to last night. only instead he had no fluffy cloak or hat atop is head, he only had simple blue robes. his wings were spread slightly. but he payed no mind to them. he offered you a arm. “Ready for food? hope we have somthi’n you like” you smiled kindly.

   “I'm sure anything you offer I will be ok with, I still owe you for letting me stay” you said, looking out the windows of the corridor. the day was brilliant. blue skies and a bright sun. the sun came through the windows. warming you more when you passed through it’s rays.

   “awh, I wouldn't think too much on it. after all you came all this way on your own” he was right, you did make this trip all by yourself. something you were proud to say you did. Phil opened a dark oak door to show a nice table. Techno sat at the head of the table, Wilbur sitting to the left of him. There were two empty prepared seats to his right you assumed this was for Phil and you. 

   Wilbur was already digging into his breakfast like it was his last meal. God forbid if anyone put there hand between his food and his mouth, they may have lost it. he was dressed up a bit more than you recall previously. his white button down now had a jacket overtop, with a few draping pendants. his elegant clothes contrasted his hair that was still a wild curly mess. 

   Unlike last night Techno was dressed even more extravagant. instead of his white button down, he was in a military's uniform. A cape adorned his sturdy shoulders draping elegantly on him. unlike yesterday he did not have his reading glasses, instead it was replaced by golden chains and pendants. his hair was similar to yesterday, only instead it was braided back, tinier braids were swept into the main braid. one of them having the feather. not a strand of hair fell out of place. beneath the pink you could see the emerald earing he wore. the same one Phil wore. the thing that stuck out the most was the golden crown that adorned his head. His hands were folded, his chin resting on them. his face was still hidden by the Boar skull. but that didn't stop you from seeing all the rings that he wore.

“mornin’ Tech, Wil” Phil said casually. he only had a response from techno, but even then it was monotone. your eyes watched the crown on Techno's head. after seeing all the signs you now realized that you were staying with the royal family. Where Phil took his seat you had stopped mid tracks. ‘could you even eat with them?’ Phil gave you a weird look. “somthin’ wrong (y/n)?” 

   “Can I eat with you?” they way you said that made you sound childish, but in fact it was a genuine question. At your words Phil get out a laugh.

   “Of course you can, what’d you think we’d do? eat in front of you?” he was amused at you. His smile wide as Wil stopped eating to look up at you. “what makes you think your not welcome to eat with us?” he questioned, his tone shifting softer.

   “Your the Royal family. I didn't think...” you trailed off as techno spoke. 

   “A Emperor is simply a title. If he cannot break bread with others, he has no right to claim the throne that he sits on. You and I are humans. let us break bread” he said simply. 

[peachscribe]

peach’s summer book list

i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material

if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works

without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.

412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know

2. Burn by Patrick Ness

patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.

9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool

3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.

2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!

4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.

11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover

4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab

this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.

12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books

5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.

(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)

15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly

6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.

17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)

7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino

you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.

(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)

7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home

8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.

7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche

and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things

thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!

happy reading<3

[nbapprentice]

You said a while back that while Supergiant games (Bastion, Transistor, Hades) was mostly okay, you had some words about them. I was curious as to what those words were, since Hades' full release is soon.

okay. alright. ive been playing hades lately so i definitely want to give my two cents (or dollars by the size this is gonna get). but let’s go Step by Step

the good: i want to throw a whole Endorsement over supergiant games with the art direction and its characters, which is what keeps me coming back again and again, and what i can assume is that most people are attracted to. 

gameplaywise, they have a Format they stick to which has become their staple, not to their detriment but to their advantage, like... gameplay tropes, so to speak, that they stick to (such as the addition of special conditions that give a disadvantage in exchange for more long-term rewards)

i fucking adore that they take one concept per game, go for it, and when they’re done they are Done; they don’t bother with sequels, they don’t want to run things to the ground and i fucking respect that. They have their themes, and they stick to them (to various degrees of success).

that said, like every piece of media, they are not perfect and this has to be analysed and spoken about

CONTENT WARNINGS: genocide and ethnic cleansing, antisemitism, misogyny, homophobia, suicide, and mentions of incest, and a general Spoilers warning

bastion: touches on ethnic cleansing, and not in a way i’d say is satisfactory. our narrator and one of our Sympathetic characters is one of the men who worked on a world-ending weapon meant to use against the Ura (a group of people coded as East Asian) which after a bit of googling is literally called “the final solution” if there was ever a war between the Ura and the Cael (who feel like rly tan white people to me). jesus fucking CHRIST.

we also meet more Ura other than our two named characters and we have to kill most of them. so that fucking blows.

the game tries for “being a genocidal monster will get you fucked up and blown up” which duh, but i feel we shouldn’t have had a person responsible for war crimes be one of our friends no matter how bad he feels about the whole thing, or the people victim of war crimes become villains in the latter half of the game. zia’s father could’ve taken ruck’s role ez pz.

transistor: the weakest of their games, imo; the lore and writing are fairly flimsy and i did not come out feeling Satisfied, especially because it had this rly good build-up that did not pay off. not to mention... their villains? 3/4 were gay people. lol. two married guys (not even explicit, you only realize by their shared last names) and the ps*cho lesbian trope (iirc she wanted to kill the protagonist’s lover or something). the female protagonist also ends up killing herself to live forever in a digital paradise with her dead lover. it’s. god. 

very Aesthetic, GORGEOUS music, interesting gameplay; had potential, i do not feel like it lived up to it at least as far as the story goes.

pyre: now this one. this one’s BEEFY. where transistor felt flimsy, pyre is rich; lots to sink your teeth into, rich in lore and loveable characters, again w the beautiful music, themes of cooperation and togetherness. my favorite of the cast is volfred sandalwood, the only Black (or, well, Black-coded) revolutionary i’ve ever seen portrayed with this amount of sympathy.

onto the bad: they literally have a Class of character named “Savage”; there’s the “mystical mentally ill person” trope; there is an overwhelming amount of explicit m/f pairs (one of them being. a romance that formed in a single day and then both of the characters were somehow willing to risk it all for each other? PLEASE) while the only hints of gayness are... hints. especially when Jodariel (another of my favs) is teased to have feelings for the player regardless of gender then only gets an ending with a male character with whom she has nothing in common 🙃

hades: and now. this one. music: gorgeous. character designs: spectacular (aphrodite is straight up naked but it’s so... natural and casual, it doesn’t feel sexualized at all). voice acting amazing. character interactions charming and endearing. as a greek mythology nerd, it was nice to see them go for the obscure shit like Zagreus at all, NOT portray Persephone and Hades as a loving couple, AND portrayed the gods as the bunch of petty assholes (some more benevolent than others) that they are. imo they’re too generous with their portrayal of achilles but i’ll allow it.

and finally... it seems all those criticisms about having all the gay characters hidden in the shadows paid off, cuz we got (aside of patroclus and achilles) a bisexual polyamorous protag. Holy Shit! and it’s not even playersexual, romance whomever you want shit without the routes recognizing each other: he explicitly talks about how he’s thinking abt them both (though it’s like “yeah usually mortals take one lover but gods love many huh” polyamory is a human thing too bro!!!!!)

and this is where it all goes, well, at least vaguely downhill lol. ok so the incest warning i gave up there? well. it’s not... outright incestuous. but it has some ugly implications. i want to emphasize: the characters never refer to each other as siblings, nor do they treat each other as such (thanatos, in fact, only recognizes hypnos as his brother, and megaera only sees the other furies as her sisters), but they were all raised by the same woman, Nyx... zagreus and thanatos even grew up together (im assuming megaera didnt meet zagreus until he was fully grown).

this is complicated even worse by the fact that they tried to trick zagreus into believing Nyx was his mother. he realized pretty early on this was not true but like... adoptive mothers, anyone? granted i can believe that bc of the attempt at deception that probably ruptured any attempt at actual familial closeness, and it’s not like hypnos and thanatos saw zagreus as their brother at any point, so they were p much aware of the truth too. with the fact that thanatos even looks like goth miles edgeworth (im not kidding you can google him up right now its literally edgeworth in a cowl) i rly feel they were aiming for Childhood Friend Anime Rival Man than the “surprise kiss bc ur not actually related <3″ shit. zagreus never once refers to nyx as his mother in-game, and also refers to thanatos and hypnos as her sons, never his brothers.

so yeah, like. if one’s feeling generous, zagreus and thanatos are more of a “my father is emotionally closed off and neglects me so my best friend’s mother basically raised me” kind of situation... just pulled off in, perhaps, the worst way possible (why didnt they just say Zagreus was told Hekate was his mom, that’s such an easy fix? or that he was born of nobody other than Hades??? [gestures at athena])

but then, the gods. aaaaaaaahhhhahahahh the gods. demeter shows up! and she calls zeus, hades and poseidon... her foster-brothers. which somehow would make the persephone thing less fucking awful, apparently. they really. really really did not need to do that. she could’ve just said “my fellow gods” or whatever. or my “god-brothers” or something, to pretend it was just a weird god alliance thing??? i dont know but implying that foster family isn’t family is just... bro, the dynamics still exist.

Don’t Like That.

i even contacted supergiant games over this. they reassured me they were even trying to avoid the incest of the original myths bc they didn’t want to mess with such a heavy theme. i believe them... but i really think they didn’t think this through. compared to something like fire emblem fates this is nearly benign, but the implications don’t look good :/

tl;dr of the tl;drs: i admire their artistic philosophy and the heavy emphasis on fresh gameplay, characters and their relationships; i appreciate that it seems that they listen to criticism?; i don’t appreciate that they didn’t think to at LEAST talk to adoptees when making a game about family.

[theasstour]

1/? i think that you, baby blue, and the last chapter especially deserve all the praise in the WORLD. so this is gonna be a few asks all at once but i think that you deserve it. i’m someone who has always struggled with body image. i’m not plus sized, but i’m definitely way heavier than what i want, and heavier than the people around me.

2/? i’ve dealt with snotty side comments, people straight up calling me “fat”, and my parents and family members telling me i needed to try and loose weight. i was 10 when my parents first said that shit to me. venus was just a character that expressed how i felt and said things that others were always afraid to. she made me feel that being overweight was fine and that being “fat” doesn’t dictate your beauty or worth. 3/? and even besides venus, who you wrote wonderfully, your writing in general was just beautiful. you made everything lead up to something; everything contributed to the plot. a lot of times you see rushed endings in fanfics but yours was planned out perfectly. you managed to write a novel length book that i never grew tired of. 4/? “‘You represent baby blue to me so here’s your color - you -,” he paused for a second. “Becoming everything.’” i loved the details of the whole exhibit. if you couldn’t tell already, i just love chapter 8 in general. like the first quote, this shows how much she means to him. The baby blue dress was there every time that, in my opinion, it was blatantly obvious he was beginning to fall in love with her. 5/? he associates the color with her and associating something so big in their relationship to HER is so beautiful in the most simplicity of ways. “And why are people so afraid of being fat? Of being called fat? Of being associated with ‘fat’? It’s because we have been taught that fat equals ugly.” the self love in this chapter got to me. 6/? this is everything that i think every plus sized human has been wanting to say but has been afraid to and you put it into words better than anyone else ever could. there’s a ton of more things that i want to say about baby blue but ive already said a shit ton of stuff. anyway, if you haven’t already figured it out, i love baby blue, venus, painter!harry, and your writing. 7/7 even the small details like harry’s pink converse were just perfectly written and idk how else to describe how much i fell in love with this fic. i cant wait to read more books from you! (also, the ending and the house: absolutely perfect. the flashbacks that you added in the eighth chapter also gave me LIFE) i’m not sure if you got all the parts, my internet was screwing up. so if a few things are left out, sorry. hopefully you still got the gist of it all haha

hiya my sweetness, sorry it’s taken me a while to get back to you, but this whole message has meant to much to me and i wanted to get back to your properly!

the part about you saying you’re not plus size, but that you’ve always been struggling with body image nevertheless, i want you to know that you don’t need to be plus size to feel a connection to venus! you don’t need to have a huge tummy or massive thighs etc, if you’ve ever struggled with yoru body in any way and seeing her love herself has helped you in some way, then that’s enough! everyone who has ever struggled with their body, no matter the size, i hope venus has had an impact on you, and i’m so happy to see that she has!

i grew up the same. i know my family wants what’s best for me, but their comments about my body - especially those made by my mum - has stuck with me my entire life. it isn’t till recently that i’ve made it clear that if anyone comments on my body, anyone’s body, their looks, or how they choose to dress, i will have absolutely none of it. i’ve been picked on my entire life and i’m not about to stand around and have people disrespect me and others around me. i hope you’re so much more than those comments. you’re so beautiful, so worth it, so incredible. at the end of the day, whatever you want to be, you are. and they might have their opinions and they might make their remarks, but that’s not who you are. it’s their loss they choose to look past your person and what you are and stand for, for what’s on the outside. fuck them. you’re amazing.

through writing fic for two years now and having read nearly 600 books, i feel like with bb i finally came to a point where absolutely everything i wrote helped the plot along! thank you so much for noticing that and telling me! it seriously means the world to me! i was so careful to plan bb and make sure everything made sense and everything lead to something! that meant so much! thank you!

i’m aware a lot of the people reading would’ve understood me just saying that with each painting harry added more and more baby blue - that you’d understand what that meant -, but i also knew that if my best mate read that - she studies animal science to become a vet (hmm idk where i got venus’ degree from ahsdhs) - she wouldn’t understand! so i had to explain it for everyone who doesn’t see things the same way i, we, do!

i want to thank you for sending this. thank you so so so much. it has meant the entire world to me that other people who has/feel the same way as i do are reading and seeing themselves in bb and venus. i’ve gone back and read these asks so many times and they’ve meant so much to me.

as you probably know - if you’re even reading this lmao it’s been so long since i got these - i’m writing my dissertation on the lack of proper representation in ya and children’s literaure. not that bb is children’s lit lmao, but your response goes to show just how much we need representation in fiction! good and respectful and positive representation! it makes me realise just how important all of this is! all kind of representation! thank you thank you thank you for making me cry and for sending me this. it means so incredibly much to me and will forever. i love you.

[hildorien]

I am in the minority but I’d love to know more about the pre-noldor elvish edain culture, history, and just life. 

I wanna know more about men in the context of men, I wanna see history through human eyes without the elvish perspective. 

I wanna know the full experiences of all humans in middle earth not the ones the elves interacted with. And if you have to have elves, I wanna hear about what humans thought of elves that isnt ‘oh they are so perfect and amazing and beautiful uwu’, because that’s kind of boring and we can all agree first age elves? on the whole? pretty shitty. (I love em but they have one brain cell to share among them and fuck up on the regular). 

I wanna see Humans who were born into a dumpster fire that is the world of arda, these are a people who didn’t get Orome leading them to heaven on earth, they got Morgoth. These are a people who lived in Morgoth’s land for centuries who probably experienced horror and oppression from basically their species infancy. Unlike the elves of valinor, or even the Sindarin protected by Melian, horror and despair would have not been their abnormal, it would be their everyday.  But they aren’t broken, they survive. They make families, connections, lives in this wasteland. They adapt and change, because I think in some ways that is the race of men’s true advantage over elves. That we don’t have a gap on our ‘greatness’ persay, humanity’s ambitions get’s mutated into greed a lot (I mean numenor is a dumspter fire for a reason) but I think that human ambition is a strength because it means we don’t accept our circumstances. The Edian sure didn’t. 

The edain, the Boerians, the people of haleth, and the hadorians, all marched themselves out of morgoth’s land hoping for something better, with NO GUARANTEE they find anything better.  But they still did it. And while we are here, let’s talk about how the race of men has not guarantee of anything, like elves (and dwarves) kind of know where they end up. They go to Mandos and get reborn, they go to aule, respectively. Men...don’t have that. Men really didn’t get anything (but Morgoth and suffering). They leave this world forever, thats what they know. Thats what they are told. 

But no one knows what the means. (Personally, I think its like a good place situation kind of. Eru is just michael and turin is janet) 

But anyway back to the POINT, (if there ever was one) the edain end up finding beleriand but beleriand isn’t the paradise they wanted. But hey, its not morgoth so let’s celebrate said the beorians before promptly getting found by finrod. And look elves did a lot of good for humans, but I also think there is this really bad dynamic of elves holding all the power and men just being in it for the ride. 

Ive made the joke that the elves of the first age are kind of like the edian’s sugar daddies but it’s kind of true. They give them land and like ‘wisdom’ (whatever the fuck that means) and in return men give them their ever increasing numbers. The Silm is a very elven story we don’t really get a lot of human, but when we do I think it’s pretty interesting. Because the relationship between Elves and Men is really uneven in the first age...and all ages even though in later ages forces of men like numenor at their height could I think easily sweep the floor with the elves of the second age combined. I think culturally Elves give a lot more, like men end up picking up their language, though im one hundred percent sure human languages didn’t die out and never do, humans must have shit talked elves a LOT in taliska (oh yes, that is the name of at least the language spoken by the hadorians and beorians, the people of haleth spoke a different dialect) and I think a lot of humans give more in resources (aka men, power, infantry). I mean personally if I was having at a guess I don’t think (as the latecomers) men got very many places to actually farm and have good land and relied on elvish goods to survive. I think this unevenness kind of spurred this idea that ‘elvishness = superior’, so to make this full circle I think a lot of pre edain culture was lost to make place for diet pepsi version of elf culture that we see human cultures like numenor and gondor have, because that’s better than their orn because elves are SPECIal BETTER AND DON’T DIE LIKE US BROKEN AND FALLEN PEOPLE.  ((screams)) 

Okay let’s talk about the death thing. Human and Mortal and Men all mean the same thing, humans die is not a statement that should be up for debate. But the humans of edain, at least from what we see of Andreth is that this was not how it always was. Humans were once immortal like the elves until they were bad and listened to morgoth and then they became mortal and all sick and ew. 

yeahhhh, I don’t think thats true. I think in-universe its a great myth. I love finrod ah andreth for this reason (also andreth is tolkien’s best female character he ever created and the fact that she’s not in the published silm is why we are in the bad timeline) , but I think humans...always were mortal. 

And thats okay. 

We talked about human ambition above, I think that is fueled by the fact that we all die. We have a timer, so we have to do things now, and that’s not a bad mindset to have. I think it gets humjans into trouble but also, imagine your a human in beleriand, you have children, a family, they might have children someday you want to do what you need to do to make sure THEY have a chance. 

(also lets talk about the fucked up fact that humans are punished for lsitening to morgoth in the first place like im sorry that humans didnt have any other valar looking for them, there was no orome, no fucking chance that they could have met anyone else because no valar came for them only morgoth with his lies so yes humans are bad for listening to the only god like entity that seemed like he wanted to help them, the elves did that too but they had nice gods so they are wise while humans who have illness and sickness and death over their heads listen to a guy with power okay jirt i see your double fuckig stnarad and its STUPID) 

And you can’t wait for that chance, so you leap. I think this is best illustrated by Turin of all people. Turin gets called elvish a lot in looks but in actions, he, like most of his family, are allllllllll human. The bridge in nargothrand even though it’s stupid and ends up horribly kind of reminds me of this. Turin doesn’t have time to wait like Gwindor, and Orodreth, etc do. his people have already been fucking disomated, he’s lost his father, his mother is trapped in enemy territory.  He wants to help. 

Sure it blows up in his face, but yknow...the want to do good is there. 

I think on the whole humans get a bad rep...like they’re called stupid and dumb and ugly by both fandom and in universe elves alike. But I don’t think that’s the case. Humans have a lot more balls and have collectively been through more trauma as a species than I think all of the elves (especially valinorian) elves combined. I think when humans fuck up, whether it be turin or numenor, it’s proof of their incompetence, that their inante (eru-given ability) to have ambition to seek beyond the world they live in for something better for something more is evil and they should be more like the elves, stagnant, already at the height of ‘perfection’, never changing....instead of being humans. Like look at these fools trying to act like than can be GOOD at something, sit down and let these elves be best at everything obviously. How many of you would look at me funny if I said, maybe the race of men was BETTER THAN THE ELVES AT SOMETHING? A lot of you im sure, and someone would have a rebuttle for how I was wrong and how this elf was considered the best. 

(like that post going around how could turin actually be #that pretty to thot his way through all of beleriand? Maybe he just Was like that, sure he may have a little elvish ness but honestly I think that be a funny thing elves say to cover up the fact some elves found a icky human was actually just that fucking hot, because obviously humans could never be that actually hot ever, not to intangle a sindarin mast of a guard, a NOLDORIAN VANYAR-DESSCENT PRINCESS, ect) 

Also just to go back to numenor, ever want an example of why it doesnt work for men to act like elves...look at numenor, early numenor was as elvish as humans could produce....but then they got bored. And then numneor became an empire and everyone eventually had so much of a bad time, eru reshaped the fucking world just to wipe the valar’s ‘humans but better’ ocs off the face of the planet. Like just to stray off topic I personally think men can’t go to valinor 1) because the two trees are actually nuclear, and the whole damn island is chernobyl instant death right there and thats why the valinor elves are like #that (they GLOW for gods shake) 2) the monotonous never changing perfection of valinor while amazing in the short term for humans would eventually drive them crazy. Not to say that the race of men doesn’t like some peace and quite or even humans (like myself) can be obverse to change, even I can admit doing the same thing ever day would drive me crazy. 

This got super rambly, but its been a lot of thoughts Ive been having for a long ass time. Basically, I just want people to talk to me about the atani, edian, race of men, whatever you want to call them. They deserve a lot better and a lot more respect than just playing a supporting role to the elves. 

They didn’t kill all those dragons to be ignored like this. 

[davidmann95]

Best comics of 2018?

A handful of disqualifications up front: since they’re just beginning, I’m not counting Electric Warriors, Martian Manhunter, The Green Lantern (though Evil Star explaining his name in #2 might be my favorite moment in comics this year), Ironheart, DIE, Shazam!, Killmonger, The Batman Who Laughs, or Miles Morales: Spider-Man, all of which almost certainly would have ended up somewhere in here with some more time. Additionally, I switched to a new online pull list system in March, so I don’t have a list of what I got before then - if I’m forgetting about something great that came out early this year, there’s a good chance that would be why.

Honorary Mentions: While there were plenty of comics I was happy to keep up with, a number stood out as exemplary examples of straight-take relatively traditional capeshit: Scott Snyder, James Tynion IV and companies’ Justice League, Steve Orlando’s Justice League of America (which would probably go among the best of the best if the art was a bit more consistent or the lineup more to my personal tastes), Brian Bendis and Nick Derington’s Batman work in the Walmart 100-Page Giants, Donny Cates’ Thanos and Doctor Strange work (the latter might not have quite made it, but that last issue with Irving and Zdarsky was gangbusters), Steve Orlando’s brief Wonder Woman run with Laura Braga, ACO, and Raul Allen, Tim Seeley’s Green Lanterns, Nnedi Okorafor and Leonardo Romero’s Shuri, Robert Vendetti and Bryan Hitch’s Hawkman, Saladin Ahmed, Javier Rodriguez, Rod Reis, Dario Brizuela, and Joe Quinones’s Exiles, Captain America by both the Mark Waid/Chris Samnee team and the current Ta-Nehisi Coates/Lenil Francis Yu lineup, Dan Slott and Valerio Schiti’s Tony Stark: Iron Man when it’s committed solely to being a superhero comic and not Dan Slott trying to be Contemporary, Brian Bendis, Patrick Gleason, Yanick Paquette, and Ryan Sook’s Action Comics, and Kelly Thompson and Stefano Caselli’s West Coast Avengers. 

On the slightly different side of things, Steve Orlando and Giovanni Timpano showed how you do an intercompany crossover right with The Shadow/Batman, Max Bemis’s Moon Knight while not living up to all it could have been - and likely to age poorly - had moments of truly bizarre grace, Saga was Saga even if I’ve lost the plot, Ahmed and Christian Ward’s Black Bolt concluded as well as we all might have hoped, Warren Ellis and Jon Davis-Hunt’s The Wild Storm continued to build up steam in its own fascinating style, Doomsday Clock remains utterly captivating in spite of itself, and Tom Peyer and Jamal Igle’s The Wrong Earth is making the most of a deceptively tough premise. On the one-off end, Chip Zdarsky and Declan Shalvey’s Marvel Two-In-One Annual is an essentially perfect off-kilter Doom/Richards story, Action Comics #1000 had no chance of living up to all it needed to be but was largely a great set of Superman stories regardless, and while the remainder of the miniseries has thus far been fine, Tim Seeley and Carlos Villa’s first issue of Shatterstar was a strange, special delight.

My Favorite Comics of 2018

Rock Candy Mountain: Technically Jackson - the rail-rider who can beat Any One Man in a fistfight - reached the end of his journey for hobo heaven this year, and flat-out, every Kyle Starks comic is a perfect one. This is a book where the first issue has a dude beating ass with a beautiful savagery that leaves an awestruck onlooker declaring “He’s got punch diarrhea and their faces are the toilet bowl”, and by the end it built up to one of the most moving climaxes of the year. It’s a comic about fallen men finding redemption in friendship and in dreams, and also there’s a cage fighter who calls himself Hundred Cats because it would be really hard to fight a hundred cats.

Dark Knights: Metal: This is the final, perfected form of traditional Event Comic Bullshit. Everything good about Snyder, Capullo, Glapion, and Plascencia’s Batman post-Court Of Owls is retooled and reenergized to fit the scale of a Crisis event, everything that I would have considered to be a weakness regarding their partnership either burned away or placed in a context where it becomes a strength. This is the Morrison approach to the DCU rightfully ascendant and presented in a form even more fit for mass consumption, and manages to live up to being the first classic-style, large-scale DC event comic in almost a decade - Marvel may blow its own load every six months until it’s simply got nothing to offer anymore, but DC waited until they really and truly had something, and that something was bloodsoaked magic.

Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man (by Chip Zdarsky and assorted artists): I actually wavered a bit on whether this belonged in the best of the best as a whole; most of the issues this year were definitely very good (regarding Zdarsky’s run specifically, I haven’t checked out the Spider-Geddon tie-in stuff), but more on the honorary mention end of the scale. Ultimately however, the Amazing Fantasy arc and #310 are Spider-Man comics I’m going to be coming back to for years to come - the latter is going to end up in every ‘Best Spider-Man Stories Ever’ softcover from now until the end of time - and they tipped the scales.

Batman: Very much in the same boat as Spidey above; a lot of this year didn’t do it for me in the same way as this run has in the past, but The Best Man is the best thing anyone’s done with Joker since Morrison, the ‘wedding issue’ itself worked really well for me, Cold Days made a premise that’s often stymied creators work as well as people have always wanted it to, and the Dick team-up issue was a perfect little summation of a relationship, nevermind how much this year succeeded in getting me hyped up for things to come.

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl: This is one of those comics where it’s so consistently good in such a specific, quiet way that people stop talking about it, but for real, this has never not in the top five or six things Marvel is publishing at any given time for as long as it’s been around. Erica Henderson leaving right before hitting the Kraven story that had been building literally since its first issue 3 years earlier could have been disastrous, but North and new artist Derek Charm manage to hit their own rhythm and continue delivering one of the funniest, cleverest, most sincere superbooks on the stands every month.

Mister Miracle: Yeah, it really was that good.

The Immortal Hulk: So is this, and if I have to name a single best comic of the year, this has probably gotta be it. Al Ewing’s been Marvel’s best creator for a long, long time, and putting him and Joe Bennett (who holy moley, I don’t think anyone would have guessed had this in him) on a tentpole character Ewing’s got genuine reverence for worked out even better than a fanboy like me might have expected. It’s sublime horror, it’s perfect Marvel comics continuity bullshit, and if the superhero is at heart a morality fable, this is very much a soul-searing apex of the genre as it speaks of how we can all go wrong.

Eternity Girl: …or maybe this is the best? It’s probably gotta be this, Hulk, or Miracle. Mister Miracle’s where the comparison really becomes clear, as they’re both books way out on the fringes of the DCU dealing with a character grappling with depression amidst the mundanity of their cyclical existence. However, as perfectly constructed and rawly human as Mister Miracle is, this hits a lot more of my own buttons and expresses its own brand of more surreal emotional authenticity, and rather than the expected and beautiful next step of a pair of already-acclaimed creators with an established partnership, this was a shock coming out party for Visaggio and Liew, who do things stylistically just as odd to see in a DC Comic as anything King and Gerads came up with. It seemed to sail under the radar for readers but also seems to be racking up awards, and I hope this’ll attain the reputation it deserves in years to come.

Ice Cream Man: Likely the respectable fourth place to the three above, while I can’t quite sing its praises in quite the same way when it’s playing so hard-to-get that I can’t quite put a pin in what it’s ultimately about, oh my GOD this is as good as gut-punch horror gets. Not simply grody shock-value stuff, but pit-of-your-stomach-everything-in-the-world-hates-you-and-you-were-wrong-to-ever-believe-in-love shit that’ll rattle your bones and fuck you up good. Not usually a horror guy myself, but this is an essentially perfect comic.

The Man Of Steel: Screw all y’all, this kicked ass and after how hard the Rebirth books blew it - Jon and the new status quo were both excellent, Tomasi had good bits here and there alongside some quality fill-in teams, but those books were still aaaaaaaaaaassssss - this is exactly the fresh start Superman’s needed for years. Granted the Fabok interstitials had some wonky pacing, but this was on-point and insightful for Superman as a character, exciting as hell, and has thus far led to nothing but more good comics as far as I’m concerned.

Milk Wars: Did the various tie-ins live up to the bookends? Nah, though the Shade/Wonder Woman story was pretty good. But those bookends? Friends, those books were AAA+ sup-per-he-ro-bull-SHIT, and while I was initially let down because it seemed as though it would have Superman in a major role and then didn’t, this is even more of an apotheosis of the Morrison approach to the genre than Metal. ACO is ACO, Eaglesham slaughtered it, and Orlando and Way should be as joined at the hip as cowriters as Abbnett and Lanning used to be. This is a gold standard for strange, edgy, colorful, wondrous, fucked-up superhero comics, and there should be a million more like it every day.

Justice League (by Christopher Priest and assorted artists, primarily Pete Woods): On the exact opposite end of the scale, while I don’t think I can say I enjoyed this book as much as the current Snyder-helmed gonzo cosmic adventures, I absolutely feel this was the better of the two. More importantly, this run is the successful version of what just about every other Justice League comic of the past 15 years has been trying and failing to be as the post-Authority, post-Ultimates, post-Civil War take on the concept. It’s as smart and atmospheric and bold as a book like Justice League ever CAN be, building its exploration of the conceptual stress points of the team around one and two-part adventures and clever character dynamics, illustrating an interesting new take on how to handle the main team book with the power players: taking their ability to handle physical threats as a relative given, a structural conceit acting as a delivery mechanism for the politics and people in play. It hardly breaks new ground in terms of redefining the superhero concept, but it’s as far as they’ve gone with the marquis characters without ending in disaster, and it’s an approach I’d love to see more often applied to this scale.

Superman: Walmart 100 Page Giant (by Tom King and Andy Kubert): Of all the places for King to do a regular Superman comic, huh? Still, we’d already seen what he’d done in that Batman two-parter and Action #1000, so I’m more than willing to take what we can get (even if most are going to have to wait for this to come out in trade). There have been four installments so far: the first is the sort of stage-setting that’s common to this type of long-form arc but with a distinctly different atmosphere than how this is typically done with the character, evoking a sort of Miller-tinged Golden Age flavor connecting Superman back down to Earth before throwing him into the stars. The third is a great Fuck Yeah Superman Doin’ Superman Shit throwdown that gives Kubert a chance to shine. The fourth and most recent is haunting, inspired, moving, and tight as a drum. And the second begins as the worst-case scenario of Tom King doing a Superman comic, and ends as likely my favorite Superman story of the last 5 years. If it continues in its current direction, Superman: Up In The Sky is almost certainly going to be a perennial people are going to rank among the best Superman stories of all time for decades to come, and everything I’d want out of this team tackling my favorite character.

Detective Comics (by James Tynion IV and assorted artists): I’m honestly surprised at myself for putting this here, but I just have to hand it to this run - which had to go quite a ways to win me over, between its opening gambit with Batwoman’s status quo and centering the whole thing around my least-favorite Robin (even if it won me over to him over time) - as basically being the platonic form of Dang Good Superhero Comics. Not boundary-pushing, not the sort of thing you’ll remember in 20 years, but just really fun, exciting, good-looking, slick, character-driven adventures building on themselves into the logical culmination of 21st century popular Batman stories. This is Batman 101, but in a good way, and I honestly think that on reflection it’s gonna hold together better as a Batman run than its immediate predecessor in Snyder/Capullo.

You Are Deadpool: This is the smartest, funniest, most inventive big two comic of the year and even if you’re so tired of Deadpool that your skull bones are threatening to suddenly contract and spear your brain in an attempt at saving your weary soul from the prospect of seeing any more of him, you should get this.

Superman (by Brian Bendis and Ivan Reis): I noted Action Comics among the honorable mentions, as while it’s a dang good comic that I enjoy a great deal - and Ryan Sook may well have established himself as my ideal modern Superman artist - it’s very much the best possible version of *exactly* what you’d expect from Brian Bendis doing Superman. This, on the other hand, feels like Bendis stretching himself to do something truly different in a way he hasn’t in years, and the results are stunning. I won’t pretend Rogol Zaar has amounted to much of anything as of yet, but Bendis has acclimated to the realm of Cosmic Superman Punch-Ups in a way no one could have reasonably seen coming; he’s managed to sidestep his usual issues by anchoring each issue in a crazy setpiece and a single perfect Superman character moment, and Reis is doing work here than can unquestionably stand alongside his Sinestro Corps War heyday. Whether it’s #1 having Superman fight an astro-goilla in the middle of a questioning on his responsibilities to humanity, #4 going full Shonen in the best possible way with probably my favorite fight scene of the year, or #6′s storybook mythmaking building to the best, cruelest needle in the balloon possible, or the consistent delightful fucking with Adam Strange, every issue here has something I didn’t know I badly wanted to see, and damn if that isn’t exactly what I want in my Superman stuff.

Assorted one-offs: Along with the major arcs and runs, we’ve got stuff like the Thanos Annual and DC Nuclear Winter Special, as good as anthologies of this kind get. T-shirt Superman got one last ride under Morrison in the Sideways Annual, fighting his way out from under the wreckage of a weird DiDio book to get exactly the sendoff he deserved. The Injustice 2 Annual, of all things, was a perfect piece of bittersweet character work. Invincible #144 satisfyingly closed out The Best Superhero Comic In The Universe by essentially also doing Invincible #145-500 or so, putting this often tumultuous title to bed with the dignity it had earned. And finally, Slott and Marcos Martin’s The Amazing Spider-Man #801 was a perfect minor mediation not even on the title character so much as the basic moral appeal of the genre as a whole.

[crimes-and-gelato]

Hit Me with Your Best Shot

It’s not an uncommon occurrence for a patient under heavy dosage of anaesthesia to have temporary side effects on them like: no brain to mouth filter, short amnesia, blindness, overly emotional, etc. It gets quite insane sometimes.

Bucky’s been working as a nurse for seven years and he’d view these occurrences as normal, even when he’s more often victimised by this so called ever-present Human Crazy Reaction to Substance, as Clint would put it. But he didn’t expect that the famous Tony Stark would be prey to this as well.

Well, that’s interesting.

He arrives in the room after Colonel Rhodes, Tony’s best friend, called for him when Tony wakes up.

‘How are you feeling, Tones?’ Bucky hears the Colonel asks the genius. ‘Don’t worry. Barnes is on his way.’

‘Like –’ Tony starts but stops when he sees Bucky entering. ‘Well, hello there, gorgeous.’ He winks. Fucking. Winks.

‘Are you okay?’ Bucky asks worriedly and scans the other man’s face for anything out of place. He even goes to investigate the IV.

‘I am now,’ Tony answers, dripping with sensuality and smiles up at Bucky.

On the other side of the bed Bucky can hear Jim’s frustrated groan.

‘So, tell me, gorgeous, do you have a name or is it Angel?’ Tony continues, ignoring his best friend and giving Bucky a suggestive once-over. ‘Cos you sure look like one.’

Sure the whole flirting isn’t new because hello, genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist Tony Stark here. Only that it doesn’t feel like Tony’s merely just dallying.

Bucky turns to Tony’s best friend with a silent question as to how this all happened. But of course, side effect. And Rhodey’s only reply is his own confuse What the fuck is happening face.

Since, the other James is of no help, Bucky puts it into his own hand to confirm his theory.

He occupies the empty chair next to the bed and says, ‘Tony, don’t you remember? It’s me James your –’

Tony interrupts him by putting his good finger against Bucky’s lips, shaking his head a bit. ‘Baby steps, darling,’ he murmurs. ‘I’m Tony, your future over-a-cup-of-coffee date, because I have a feeling you like coffee. And how fortunate that I love coffee.’ He adds another charming smile.

Bucky’s taken aback, alright. All he manages to do is stare at Tony with disbelief. He doubts the engineer can bullshit him and Rhodey this much.

‘Would you look at that?’ Tony continues, unconscious to the growing incredulity of his best friend and Bucky. ‘We already have something in common. Interesting, isn’t it?’ His face breaks out into another smile. And for a moment Bucky can’t help but be reminded how gorgeous Tony is. ‘It’s like fate.’

He should really shed some light on Tony. But Bucky’s too busy being blinded by how radiant Tony’s smile is. And it’s physically, mentally, and emotionally impossible to ignore something so majestic.

‘So, what do you say, honey bear?’ Tony wiggles his eyebrows with a sly smile. ‘How about we go grab that coffee right now and I promise to walk you home after and maybe try to steal a kiss or two.’ He pauses and looks at Bucky thoughtfully with those huge, soft, brown eyes. ‘With your consent of course because I am down for that.’

In all honesty, Bucky’s waiting for the genius to suddenly pull the rug under him and yell ‘You’ve been Punk’d, James.’ For as much as the surreal-ness of the whole thing is, it’s above what he had been expecting.

Bucky directs his glance back to the Colonel once again, hoping for some aid with the situation. Only that Rhodey’s too busy silently snickering and recording the whole of Tony’s monologue with his phone, probably for blackmail material in the future.

He sighs tiredly and in defeat. ‘Uhmm… I don’t think coffee would be a good idea, doll.’

‘Why not?’ Tony asks with a pout. ‘Is it me? Was it something I said? Because if you want to take this slowly… that I can do as well.’ He smiles hopefully, only it’s not as radiant as the one from before.

Taken from experience, Bucky knows that fragile smile, having his own insecurity to battle with. It’s not hard to notice when you’ve looked closer.

‘It’s not that,’ he assures quickly, not wanting for the unpleasant smile to settle on Tony’s lips any longer. All Bucky meant of the sentence is to point out that a cup of coffee – a date, really – is out of question because Tony’s currently in the hospital and about to undergo surgery. He isn’t able to stop himself from reaching out on Tony’s good hand to dampen whatever insecurity that had lingered.

Tony stares at their hands, the small smile on his lips softly turning into something more genuine. And Bucky counts that as a win. Not even bothering to pull his hand back.

‘Hey, I know this all seemed too fast, but you’re just so beautiful that I can’t help myself,’ Tony explains tenderly, his past bravado coming back with each word. ‘And you seem like the type to give nice hugs and cuddle. And that right there is the standard for me.’

‘Of course, it is,’ Bucky agrees sarcastically, rolling his eyes, even. The fond smile tugging on his lips ruins his plan to mock.

‘And sass as fuck, too.’ Tony chuckles, amused. ‘You’re certainly the man for me.’

If Bucky’s cheeks turns slightly red it’s not because he’s blushing. It’s basically anything but that. He catches himself before the blu—before it can go any further because he has responsibilities in hand.

He’s a professional for crying out loud. He clears his throat and turns back again to Tony’s best friend for help. And the Colonel isn’t really planning on helping because it seems like he’s even miming for Bucky to continue playing along.

The black man’s eyes are full of mischievous glee as he endures to film Tony and Bucky’s interaction.

Bucky lets another long-suffering sigh because these two are bunch of ridiculous idiots. Not that he’s going to say that outloud to the Colonel’s face. Nope, he still likes to continue living, thank you very much.

‘I don’t think you understand the situation, sweetheart,’ he says, on the verge of spilling the truth to the genius.

Tony looks confuse for a second or two before he says, ‘Of course I understand perfectly well. I’m a genius, remember? Five PhDs and all that.’ He smirks and winks. ‘I understand very much how I’m irrevocably attracted to you, and honestly, if it won’t seem like a rude thing to do, I’d grab you right now and kiss you.’ His eyes gazes at Bucky’s lips at the mention of the deed and unconsciously licks his lips.

No one should blame Bucky for mirroring Tony’s action, because good god does the man had the most attractive lips he had laid eyes on. Full bottom lips that would be so great to bite on and pull and tease and lick.

Now, Bucky can’t stop staring at Tony’s lips. All sense of professionalism gone. He is so fucked.

‘But, unfortunately, the laws of our land prevents me from doing so before getting to know you first,’ Tony continues, eyes back on Bucky’s own, holding equal sincerity and mischief. ‘Because I would love to get to know you. And maybe even marry you.’

‘What?’ Bucky’s caught off guard once again. He blinks rapidly as if trying to unsee what he has heard, which is such a ridiculous anatomy reaction.

The other James in the room snickers not-so-quietly because he’s an asshole apparently.

It’s not Bucky’s fault if the Colonel’s fit of giggles triggered him to glare at the military man.

‘I mean, I’m definitely not letting you go after all your amazing qualities,’ Tony states. ‘Although, I have to warn you that I may not be the best husband.’

There’s another sad smile on Tony’s mouth that Bucky is so tempted to kiss away. Or maybe punch the person who had created the engineer’s insecurities.

‘I’m sure you’ll be perfect, doll,’ he assures him and grazes his thumb softly on Tony’s knuckles.

‘Are you really agreeing to marry me?’ The way that Tony’s eyes lit up could have powered the whole hospital. And that’s saying something since it’s a big hospital.

Bucky takes it as another win for him. Or it could be actually the drugs that’s causing the emotional imbalance in Tony’s system.

‘Damn! I’m one lucky son of a bitch.’ The genius is grinning from ear to ear. ‘No take backs, okay?’

‘I call dibs on being best man,’ Rhodey announces, deeming it the only time he wants to be helpful.

‘Definitely, platypus,’ Tony agrees, turning his head to his friend like he’s only remembered him there. But his eyes doesn’t stray long on the other man, his attention moves back to Bucky like the nurse had hung the moon and the stars and all the other planet in the solar system. ‘Is it settle then?’

Not that Bucky will say no to the proposal with Tony’s awful big, beautiful eyes on him. Who will even deny those eyes anything?

‘God, you’ll look amazing in an all black tux.’ Tony rakes his gaze over Bucky, already lost in his fantasy of the nurse in the tux and his eyes suggest that he’s not far from thinking of Bucky out of the said tux as well.

And honestly, Bucky doesn’t mind being out of the tux as well. Not that he’s going to tell Tony that.

‘I mean, you do look amazing in this…’ The engineer gestures vaguely to Bucky’s scrubs.

Bucky chuckles at that. ‘And I already know you’re handsome in a suit.’

‘You betcha,’ Tony agrees and throws another charismatic smile. ‘I do have the perfect white Armani suit with black lapels in mind. It’ll be a sunset wedding by the cliff with lots and lots of fairy lights and all the cheesy romantic stuff. Maybe candles, too.’ He suddenly pulls Bucky’s hands and kisses it, making Bucky not-blush once again. He sniffs on the warm skin and moans quietly. ‘Hmmm… Sandalwood scent, maybe? You smell like one. What do you think, cupcake?’

What does he think? He can’t, because Bucky’s brain had short-circuited upon the touch of Tony’s soft lip on his skin. And that low moan? That shoved every logic thoughts in his brain into the gutter, because hearing that noise from Tony Stark pulls a Pavlovian reaction out of him.

He wants to hear it again. He wants to jump into the bed with Tony and hear those mewling sounds whispered into his ears.

And then there’s that warm look on Tony’s face again, all directed on Bucky. Tony’s open concern on what Bucky wants.

‘I can’t fucking wait to marry you,’ Tony confesses affectionately, and softly squeezes Bucky’s hand.

Bucky swallows heavily because he’s scared he might say something stupid like how he feels the same because that would be insane. But deep in his heart he wants to say yes, knowing a day will never come that he will not be able to deny this generous, beautiful man anything he will ever ask Bucky of.

‘It should be one hell of a coffee cup, sweetheart,’ he jokes instead.

‘I promise,’ Tony vows solemnly.

————————————————————

————————————————————

Epilogue

It’s been two weeks since his surgery. And Tony’s healing up all well. The only thing that still hurt is his pride because his husband and best friend are little shits.

The thorn that wounds him is Rhodey’s video of him while he was high as fuck on drugs before his operation. It’s already been on their secured group chat with friends, no thanks to JARVIS because even his own child betrayed him. A travesty.

‘It’s not funny anymore,’ he complains.

‘Come on, doll.’ Bucky kisses his temple soothingly. ‘You know it is.’

Tony only pouts and glares at his husband when Bucky doesn’t even have the modesty to hide his amuse chuckle on Tony’s expense.

‘You have to thank Odin, Thor, and all the gods on Asgard that you’re pretty because I’m still mad at you, or else you’ll be sleeping on the couch for a week,’ he threatens mildly, as if he can sleep without Bucky next to him.

‘Thank, Odin, alright,’ Bucky agrees, and pulls him into a side cuddle, making sure he doesn’t bother Tony’s still healing leg.

And Tony wants to reprimand Bucky’s patronising tone. But his lips are busy being kissed by his wonderful and menacing husband.

Fin.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15781986/chapters/36718377

[mummauncensored22]

All I ever wanted to be when I was growing up was to be a mum! Hate looking after anyone elses kids (lol) but to have my own family was all I wanted!

Now I'm a single mum to 7 awesome humans! My first born is my boy (he's 15 now!!) He is my best friend and he is the most perfect person for me to be blessed with and given the privilege to call him my son!!!!

Next is 3 daughters! Fml!! I'm so not a girl mum!!! 13/11 & 9 !!! The 13 and 9 yr olds have really thrown me out of my comfort zone! They are their own little forces of nature!! My 11 yr old though!! She is .... She's one of a kind!!!

These four have the same father and by the graces of God, they are nothing like their father!!!

Fast forward 6 yrs and I meet the man I thought I would marry and spend my life with (we aren't together anymore & he absolutely shattered my heart!) Is my almost 4 yr son. He is stage 3 non verbal ASD.... I don't know what I don't to get my son but .... He is the most amazing little person that you could ever meet!!! So much love and there is this ..... Vibrance about him that I can't put into words! Watching him say new words on the random days (when it suits him lol ) is the best thing I've ever experienced!

Then my 2 yr old son... He has been in and out of hospital his very short life so many times , he's my lil problem child lol. He suffers with respiratory issues and Ive nearly lost him a few times now (scariest moments that I wouldn't even wish upon my worst enemy!) But that hasn't slowed him down at all!!! It's insane to think that all that character & spunk, he adapted all on his own!!!

Last is my 4 month old baby girl!!! My god she is the light in my life!!! She smiles with her whole face and Ive never seen anything more beautiful!!! But she is already such a strong and intelligent little person!!! I can't wait to see how she developes as she gets older!

Even though I can sit here and gloat about each of them till I've ran out of words, don't get me wrong when I say it's been a fucking battle!!!! Firstly I don't know how I got so lucky to be their mum! Secondly, there are many and with not much space between, bad moments!! Currently we are homeless! Yup me and the four youngest are currently living in my mums lounge room because for the first time ever, I don't have a home and no matter what I do, I can't get my family a home!!! This has to be the lowest point in my life and I have so much resentment towards myself because my children are suffering as well.....

I'm at war daily with my 9 yr old.... Like..... Fuck me..... The chaos that comes with that kid lately .... I didn't think it was possible to have so much anger and resentment towards your own child!!!!

#singlemum #autisimawareness #mumof7

[whoisjinhwan]

100 reasons to love yuta

that smile™

did i mention he invented smiling??? Amazing

his PERFECT smile its by far the best smile ive EVER seen in my life. not to be dramatic but yutas smile has cured any sickness i have ever head and have yet to have not to be dramatic but every time i see yuta smile and get that twinkle in his eye my heart grows three times in size not to be dra

his boldness. hes very straightforward its so refreshing

the way his eyes get so wide when hes surprised or enthusiastic im SOFT

HIS BEAUTIFUL BIG CHOCOLATE BROWN CAT LIKE EYES !

his lips i… gtg. theyre perfectly heart shaped

his insane versatility. give him a fuckign Clown Concept complete with hair and makeup, he’ll pull it off. no printer just fax

hes so witty despite not being 100% fluent in korean its amazing bc these comments just roll off his tongue

his charisma…. God Tier. he puts it out there that hes That guy

he moved to korea from japan and learned korean so fast that he gave taeil an identity crisis wow

yuta saying OKAY OKAY all the time thats the Nakamotto™

all (2) of his lines in firetruck

his hair is so luscious if sm ever tries to cut it i will personally Go Off

how does he look so good in yellow?????? he really did That

middle part!yuta

his medium/high pitched speaking voice? yes

HIS SINGING. his voice is so soft and sweet what an angel. i always have to prepare myself before his parts in songs so that i dont get a stroke bc his voice flows like liquid gold its so entrancing and addicting that got long and gross really fast in conclusion : give him more lines!!!!!!!!!

cherry bomb yuta focus ver. truly a smash hit legend deal with it

hes so dual hes like the human embodiment of sin but hes so GOOD. honestly how does he do That

the way he loves skinship it KILLS ME hes always holding someones hand, has his arm around their shoulder, etc.

hes highkey a sweetheart have u seen the way he takes care of his members?? how hes always right there next to them, comforting them, just overall being super sensitive

how he acts with the younger members

his friendship with hansol

taeyong said he makes all the other members feel confident :)))

yuta saying “good job” and praising winwin 25/8

accidentally holding taeils hand

when ice cream was found yuta gave winwin the first bite

yuta ft sword protecting taeyong while he barbecues

cooking assistant!yuta

how hard he tries to include all the members during interviews

hes so precious he named winwin winko im ugly sobbing

SAVAGE YUTA!!! yuta doesnt fuck around he knows whats up this boi rlly roasted his own company for not giving him enough lines King Of Being Petty he roasts better than this oven im about to stuff myself into

his love for his heritage. he always mentions japan in his interviews like “im from japan, can I speak japanese, back in osaka…”

nct life in osaka : tourguide!yuta wandering around his hometown with his members having the time of his life made me softer than it needed to

the famous takoyaki prank #fail it was tragic

yuta tightly holding taeyongs hand in the haunted house? cute !!

yuta trying to wink but actually just…. blinking? cute!!

yutas love for ferris wheels? cute !!

THAT cherry blossom pic. call moma i think theyre missing a masterpiece

i could listen to him speak japanese all day amsr whomst???

hes such a tease like its not an nct video unless yuta tries to flirt with the camera

@stylists stop giving him jackets!!! he doesnt WANT them

his rap in open the door, a religious experience

he grinded on a minion i think about this every single one of my waking hours How To Bleach Your Eyes

he has chicken breasts in his backpack?? what a frekkin weirdo…..

“we dont speak, thats alright” + that ONE HAND MOVE in 0 mile

his accent when he speaks english

his cute way of saying words he doesnt know how to pronounce

hes always given the hardest parts in choreo like the lifting parts in firetruck and he does it well even when hes hurt :((((

he way he talks. he has so many opinions like when he was on abnormal summit every time he spoke it was iconic, we love a woke king hes just. so Good With Words

he admires his dad more than anything in the world

his gaze/stare ohohohohoohoho my gosh!!!!!

this ?? boy ?? really ?? signed with sm as a vocalist, trained as a rapper, and now has the role of a dancer in nct 127? what is this talent, is he like… real?

his LAUGH! the way his shoulders rise and his eyes turn into crescents… wow

his airport fashion! looks after looks after looks after looks af

he is the single most Extra person ive ever seen with my own two eyes

that one time on nct life in paju when they were playing soccer and he… PUT THE BALL INSIDE HIS SHIRT TO SNEAK A GOAL??? i think abt this a lot

cant whistle for shit

he once said he doesnt smile in airport pics bc he wants to look cool?????????? a Whole Scorpio

clumsy!yuta opening a fridge and dropping a jar of spam on his foot

calling taeyong tsundere

“healing smile but I can do killing too”

“i dont cook but im a good cook”

cooking!yuta being confident that hes first place but then being eliminated

his cover of touch my body by sistar. Legendary

he played soccer for 11 years so he can singlehandedly murder everyone when it comes to sports its so Sexci

bUT he doesnt have the strength to do winwins morning exercises

he literally said his favorite destinations are rest stops because he can eat and relax

yuta in haarpers bazaar ended every other model on earth thats the Tea

when he wore that shirt with barack obama on it… thats Woke

his skin!!!!!!! always got that Glo. anastasia who??? becca whom?

he needs to wear muscle tees forever bc a r m s, im crying, can you hear my tears

YUTAS HANDS !!!!!!!! YUTA WITH HANDS!!!!!!!!! YUTA WITH VEINY HANDS!!!!!!!!!! THE HANDS OF YUTA

his fanservice he! really called us princesses and is always throwing up hearts this is an attack!

slytherin!yuta with a milk mustache in universal studios

supreme anime connoisseur 

his drawing vs haechans drawing??

hes Highkey gay for winwin

mountain man? manly man? Who Know

forgot his own groups name???? New Culture Technology headass….

when he wears earbuds at the airport and looks like hes in a kdrama like what is he listening to? asking the Real Questions

yuta + lemon, a Tragedy

skater!yuta

yuta playing ping pong in nct life and getting super hyped up for no reason at all

when he runs his fingers thru his hair. gravity? idk her.

his favorite accessories are earrings and he always wears the ones his fans gift him

all his reactions are a1 wow, god of cute expressions

yuta eating happily makes my heart so full like do you see those cheeeeks!!!!

cherry bomb era… hes really a whole meal i am well FED

HEADBAND!YUTA

his shoulders = yes

the way he gets so nervous when he has to give a speech in tokyo dialect bc hes from osaka

if he were to be reborn he said hed want to be a woman my heart is BURSTING

he gives good advice. i love how he turns his own experiences into life lessons i love my Wise Boyfriend

“what kind of food is not important, who youre eating with is important”

people give yuta so much shit bc of his chin but i love how confident he is with himself. “you guys saw my teasers right? i was sexy wasnt i?” “i dont look for the camera, the camera looks for me” its so heartwarming bc hes That guy and he k n o w s

he said his ideal type is someone who knows the word “pain” like hes so much more than the smiley playful persona he has on camera if u dont think that super scorpio hides a shit ton of feelings and insecurities get off my lawn

hardworking!! hes improved so much as a dancer and hes always trying his best to make ncts broadcasts entertaining it makes my heart blush i LOVE him

he, nakamoto yuta, the light of my whole life, exists. hes Out There, living. i love being blessed everyday imagine not loving yuta thats :/ not relatable

[hellyeahrpmemes]

※ JENNA MARBLES SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. IV ※

here’s sentences from 10 more of jenna’s videos! feel free to change names/pronouns/zodiac signs/etc.! PART 1 • PART 2 • PART 3

WE GOT A HAMSTER

“I want a hamster.”

“This is like the fourth thing you’ve said to me all day.”

“No, we’re not doing that.”

“Okay, whatever you say, Papi.”

“I’m a walking ad.”

“Are you excited to be a daddy?”

“We have great music we can listen to in the car.”

“I think he’s had it with me.”

“Get you a boyfriend who’s great with animals.”

“I like you an awful lot.”

“This is my dream. I’m living my dream life.”

“This is all very complicated.”

“We’re doing the best we can, given the current circumstances.”

MY BOYFRIEND BUYS MY MAKEUP

“At this point, fuck it.”

“This shit is so fucking expensive, it’s not even funny.”

“It was a lot more frustrating than I thought it was gonna be.”

“This is already bad.”

“I feel like you’re trying to sabotage me.”

“It’s as magical as I’d hoped.”

“Did you just get it to eat it?”

“Can you please get that out of your mouth?”

“Are you happy with your purchases?”

“Why would you conceal something when you can draw attention to it?”

“Honestly, this isn’t that bad.”

“This is actually pretty.”

“I’m good at this.”

“You bought it ‘cause it was called ‘hysterical’.”

“Sometimes you need it for moral support.”

“That peace of mind is what life is all about to me.”

“Is that what you wanted?”

“This is very subtle.”

“Why are you so close to me?”

“I mean, it’s a look.”

“Are you pleased with that?”

“I think you look great, fuck.”

“I feel like it could be worse.”

“Don’t you like unbearable pain?”

“Um, so, can I leave now?”

MAKING A TINY LIVING ROOM FOR MY DOGS

“I’m really tired of explaining myself, so, you know what? I’m just gonna cut to the chase.”

“I want one of those…!”

“This isn’t my house, we rent this.”

“I can fuck it up a little.”

“Because I’m an adult…!”

“Fuck it, we’re just gonna try and see what happens.”

“Oh, this is gonna suck.”

“Pray for me 2k17.”

“It got in my eyes, it’s not funny.”

“That’s better than nothing, right?”

“I’m no longer scared to be in here.”

“It doesn’t fit exactly, but, ya know… give me a break…!”

“Perfect. Nailed it.”

“Did it come with any nails? Of course it didn’t.”

“She straight up stole a liquor bottle and left.”

“It’s nicer in there than it is in our house.”

“You have a French Bulldog lamp, which I’m honestly jealous of, and I might take.”

“I have an under the stairs Harry Potter cabinet wonderland.”

BRAIDING THINGS INTO MY HAIR

“I know what you’re thinking: this hair is very dirty. You are correct.”

“I’m being incredibly selfish lately and I’m doing whatever I want to, and I’m having a great time.”

“Maybe this isn’t the best method.”

“This is amazing and you know it!”

“See, this is what happens when you just think a little.”

“I’m having a great time, and everything is great.”

“I’m on a roll, and this is amazing.”

“Why is there a fork in your hair?”

“You’ll be jealous later.”

“This is gonna help you, this is gonna change your life.”

“Not only is this incredibly functional, but look at how beautiful. Stunning.”

“It’s starting to feel a little heavy, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“It looks great, it feels great, it is great.”

“I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but this might be the best idea I’ve ever had, in my whole life.”

“We’ve had the secret the whole time, we just didn’t think of it…! I mean, maybe ‘cause it’s stupid, but it doesn’t matter, the option is there…!”

“We still wanna get a little turnt, but just a little.”

“That’s so fucking dark, wow, I hate myself.”

“I’m literally the smartest person I’ve ever met in my whole life.”

“I’m a human Christmas tree.”

“I mean, is it stupid? Yeah.”

“I have everything in here that I could possibly need for today.”

“This is incredibly functional.”

“10/10 experiment.”

A FULL FACE OF RHINESTONES

“I’ve used spirit gum, and that shit doesn’t come off.”

“No turning back now.”

“Everyone has different dreams, okay, and this one’s mine.”

“I can see my own disappointment in the reflection of the rhinestones.”

“I didn’t come here to fuck around.”

“Is this bad for you?”

“Nah, it’s probably fine.”

“Is this beautiful or what?”

“Don’t let people on the Internet fool you, this shit’s fucking easy.”

“Ooh, it feels so good, ooh.”

“It’s okay? This is great…!”

“I look like crystal Santa.”

“This is gonna be a nightmare to get off.”

“That’s fucking dope.”

“Are you jealous?”

“Do you want me to do yours?”

“Can you think of anything better to do than this?”

“Julien, has anyone ever told you that you’re a kind and patient boyfriend?”

“Julien, relationships mean compromising.”

“If you don’t stop talking shit to me…”

“We have to break up now, I’m sorry.”

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“Oh my god, this is fucked up, dude.”

“I can’t see…! I can’t fucking see…!”

“What is so funny…!?”

“I feel like a lizard person.”

“Don’t do drugs, not even once.”

“I don’t know how to help me.”

“Where’s Jenna? Who are you, what have you done?”

“Ow, be gentle…!”

“I relate to none of what you just said.”

“I don’t regret it, I think this was worth it overall.”

“I hope right now that your face is doing better than mine.”

“I’m gonna go to the hospital now.”

“Alright, your turn.”

READING MEAN COMMENTS ABOUT MY DOGS

“Who goes on the Internet to just shit on dogs? Satan.”

“Is he okay?”

“Does that sound like Hell to you?”

“Why does everyone think you’re dead?”

“I love you so much, but there’s nothing in your head.”

“Can you be on the verge of tears if you’re already crying?”

“That’s the most accurate comment.”

“It’s like he wants to die.”

“Get fucked.”

“Marbles is alive…!”

DOING MY OWN ACRYLIC TOENAILS

“Why am I like this?”

“I’m still not done with my acrylic adventure.”

“Are they functional? No. Do they look good? No. Does anyone want them the way I’m gonna do them? No.”

“I think I’ve made a terrible mistake already.”

“Off to a rough start, I’d say.”

“What have I signed myself up for?”

“Vote now if you think this is a terrible idea.”

“Oh my god, what have I done?”

“This is my own fault. This is my fault.”

“I don’t know why I thought this was gonna be fun and good.”

“If we’re doing it, we’re doing it all the way.”

“Fuck with me…!”

“Oh, that is everything I wanted.”

“I’m so pleased already.”

“Oh, god, it’s a bloodbath…!”

“Pray for my toes.”

“Oh, no, this is getting bad.”

“Oh, it doesn’t feel good.”

“It still doesn’t feel great.”

“My vision is coming to life.”

“I really hope this doesn’t end in me going to the ER.”

“This is the most attractive I’ve ever felt.”

“Take that, motherfucker.”

“This is a mistake.”

“That is fucking disgusting, that’s next level nasty.”

“I fucking did this. I did this…!”

“This feels terrible.”

“This is a fuckshow.”

“That’s fucked up. That’s fucked up.”

“Ow, oh my god, be gentle…!”

“Don’t do that, don’t do that, don’t do that don’t do that.”

“They came out really elegant.”

“What I lack in a license, I make up for in zest.”

“Is that gross? I think that’s pretty gross.”

MY BOYFRIEND TEACHES ME JIU JITSU 2

“That is gonna be a big problem.”

“Alright, I’m ready.”

“I’m not Sensei, I’m Julien.”

“I’m not Papa…!”

“What do you call your jiu jitsu teacher? Papa? Father? Do you call him Master? You call him Nunchuck Daddy.”

“I wanna show you something I think you’ll like.”

“Why are you wearing shoes?”

“Were you hiding these from me?”

“I should’ve eaten before we did this.”

“I’m hungry. And tired.”

“You can’t be a rag doll.”

“Ow, what the fuck, Julien!?”

“You don’t push my arm into another dimension…!”

“This feels like an unfair weight advantage.”

“Your elbows are exceptionally sharp.”

“Do not lick my fingers.”

“Sensei, forgive me, nunchuck master daddy, forgive me.”

“No no no no no, I was asking a question, please don’t make me pay for my mistakes…!”

“You did not nail it.”

“I nailed it.”

“This isn’t fun anymore.”

“How dare you call me a non athlete!”

“Boy, I can bowl you under the table.”

“Don’t touch my feet.”

“I’m gonna grab that.”

“And I’m gonna caress your face.”

“Please be gentle and don’t kill me by accident.”

“Oh, wait, we’re going somewhere? Oh my god, I would’ve packed a bag if I knew we were going somewhere.”

“What is wrong with you, I thought you loved me!?”

“I have whiplash, I need to go to the doctor.”

“Shit, my plan has been foiled.”

“I’ve been to the afterlife, I know what it looks like.”

“Yes, Daddy, I’m ready.”

“Fifty Shades Darker, tie me up.”

“Do you care about my neck at all?”

“Why do you move like a sloth?”

“How are you supposed to do anything with this many clothes on?”

“Stop saying Fifty Shades Darker.”

“I don’t know what you’re doing, this is too advanced for me.”

“I’ve unlocked a jiu jitsu hack!”

“Don’t fall asleep!”

“That is karate and you know it.”

DOING MY OWN ACRYLIC NAILS

“I’ve fallen down another beauty hole.”

“I know what you do is incredibly artistic and complicated and a skill.”

“Right about now I’m gonna show you how to be extra 2008 hot.”

“Girl, I’m sorry, but I’m going over to the dark side.”

“I’m really gonna try. I’m gonna go for it.”

“Okay, wow, I’m having a hard time already, and I’m just fitting the sticker.”

“I guess we’re just gonna make a pointy witch nail.”

“I’m kinda stalling because I’m legit fucking terrified.”

“We gotta work faster, I guess.”

“Susie, girl, you are a liar, this is impossible…!”

“The beauty, the grace, the craftsmanship.”

“I think the fuck not.”

“That is so ugly.”

“God, that is a mess.”

“Oh my god, it feels awful, I hate it.”

“This was the worst idea.”

“I’m not gonna lie, though, this it probably the most fun I’ve had doing my nails in a long time.”

“This is really fun, it just feels terrible.

“10/10 would never recommend doing this at home. Ever.”

“Do you hear that sound? It’s like my fucking soul dying.”

“It looks wrong, it feels wrong, it is wrong.”

“I’m actually really proud.”

“I think it looks elegant.”

“Why is this so hard? I feel like this should be the easiest part.”

“I don’t give a fuck!”

“I should’ve given a fuck!”

“I have done the things.”

“It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever done.”

“None of them look the same.”

“I’ve done it, y’all. I’ve drawn blood.”

“This is one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made.”

“I have to get this off and I don’t know how.”

“I think I’ve reached the moment of madness.”

“I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.”

“I’m so mad at myself for doing this.”

“It’s not even worth it. Look at that, it’s mediocre at best.”

REACTING TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE SMASH OR PASSED ME

“I see everything.”

“They seem harmless.”

“Is it cause I don’t like the Suite Life of Zack and Cody?”

“Is it cause I don’t get your Drake and Josh jokes?”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve that other than being an adult.”

“What’s a girl gotta do to get spit on by a stranger on the Internet?”

“Aw, that was nice.”

“Yay for me.”

“None of this offends me.”

“I don’t think I have a winning record right now.”

“Take me on a trip on your dick ship.”

“She called me 2008 hot.”

“What do I gotta do to get to at least 2010 hot?”

“I wish I was 1776 freedom hot.”

[thots-and-ideas]

Tom I don't believe in grammar  but I just want you to know that I've loved you for as long as I've known you and wrote so many poems about you and when I hear songs they make me think of you. I hope you see this.

Last week when you picked up Solis you kinda slapped my arm in the way you do when you make that “pshhhh” sound. Last year on Christmas you handed me something and I felt your hand on mine and I swear I could feel the warmth from you like you intentionally exchanged energies with me but you’ve disciplined yourself to keep from giving me anything. The time you touched me before that was when Chris died. I couldn't tell if you wanted to hug me but God it felt good and I didn't even mind that we didn't say anything. Before that it was you begging to kiss me. For the first time you begged for me, couldn't accept what I was saying. It was the first time I really thought that maybe you could spend forever kissing me. 

You could have spent forever kissing the person I should have been. The feeling of warmth comes to me in my dreams and sometimes I wake up and remind myself that you're gone. I have dreams of you knowing who I am. I have dreams that you're apart of this family I've built for myself and for Solis. When I had Solis I was in no way sophisticated enough to understand how deeply flawed and unprepared I was to be a mother. Deciding to have Solis was never about keeping you. I wanted a love that would never die, how selfish was I? I knew I had something special inside of me and I couldn't resist that feeling of being a creator of my own world. What was inside of me could never leave me because she is tethered to my flesh, my blood, and my labor. How wrong was I? You and I facilitated someone who does not belong to either of us. I couldn't stand the thought of her not needing my body for sustenance, I couldn't stand the fact that she wasn't mine, but she was ours, but she wasn't. Do you understand? I remember taking a nap after she was born. I woke up to you next to me holding Solis. It was joyous. I always had these little pockets of hope that we could do this together, whatever together meant. 

Theres these messages I remember. You told me you wanted to be friends, and my response was “we’re not friends.” What did that feel like for you? My body felt like a dumping ground and you were a dumping ground for my pain that caused me. You were my friend. I was always so intimidated by you, amazed by you, entranced by you. At 15 you stood out to me. Your cute hair and your teeth I liked the way you laughed but you didn't really say much, that was okay to me. You played with my hair. You had a pull and I think if you were to think back maybe you would tell me that you felt the same way. You told me the other day that I have amnesia, I thought it was funny because I pretty much remember every single moment with you. The thing is, I for so long thought my anger and my rage was righteous. I was confused, I didn't understand why you were ashamed of me or why you hid me why you wouldnt call me your girlfriend, why I was expected to behave like an adult. In between those feelings there I was, causing chaos, losing myself in bitterness and self loathing. It was all my fault so I would punish myself but when I was faced with consequences of my hurtful and unhinged behavior I would punish you. 

For years, up until very recent years, I couldn't see myself. My body was disposable, I wrote a poem about myself as recycled trash. You can't know your own pain until you look It in the eye. The last few months of dating Karlos I couldn't afford my rent anymore, and couldn’t afford my downpayment on greektown house. I had to turn myself off to survive. I started going to the women in my life and coming to terms with my abuse, getting help for my abuse, Im still working on it very hard and it'll probably stay with me forever. But this is the lesson. I'm responsible now for that pain. Will I let it make me small or will I accept the support of my community who did everything they could to help me, and help myself while being lifted by love, and grace. I have blamed you for my pain for a long time, but there has never been a time I haven't wanted to heal from that with you, and I think that is the problem. I didn't want to heal with Karlos, if I believed in police system , he would be in jail right now for what he did to me. But for me to heal from you is to heal from myself. 

I remember the cruel things I said to you, just like Ill never forget how your touch feels on my skin Ill never forget the way I weaponized things you trusted me with and attacked you. I’ll never forget the way I would try and try and try to make you so angry to get a reaction. I put words into your mouth and created my own realities. It must have been exhausting, more than that... the point was to make you hurt like I hurt. That was always the point. I wanted you to love me and my delusions told me you didn't any you never would. 

You told me I needed therapy and I agree with you. We all have broken bits. I look at you now and see that beautiful smile and that way about you that I see in myself and in Solis. I knew I would see her in you and there's been no greater gift than this life we have all been able to provide Solis. I had troubles, those I hope you can forgive me for and understand me for. I couldn't get out of bed and Solis was my only will to live. I hadn't been able to harness that pain yet. I hadn't practiced ownership and self accountability. The pain I've felt from you is mine to carry and I promise you, I only carry lessons, lessons I'm applying. For Solis, for my chosen family, and for myself. 

I wish I could send you the poems I used to write about you, and some more of the things I would write Sol when she was in me. I always saw you in the brightest of lights and nothing ever dimmed that, not even my own lies I told myself about you. Biggest lie is that you didn't love me. When you said you wouldnt let me hurt you anymore I didn't know if you still felt anything about me. Like I was just some human you see sometimes that existed before  but its just a ghost now. I don't want to be remembered as that Lexei from you. The more I told myself you didn't care about me the more I pushed you away. Instead of calming down and being rational I turned to creating problems . Is it too late Tom? Have the lights turned off for you? Do you know what I would do to just sit with you, like normal people, and talk about our good memories and the joy we felt together and what you taught me and who we are now. I miss you so much Tom. Look at everyone who's in my life, they've been there for as long as you have. They're family to us. We wanted you here during quarantine. We want you to be a part of this family. Sometimes I dream about being together with you but I know that's just a delusion of grandeur. We could be friends. We were friends. I think I’ll always love you and always I will extend my apologies to you and I know it can be healing to hear “I'm sorry” from someone who has hurt you. I know its recent but Im coming back to me. Im passionate about learning how to be a healer and mindfulness and it has always brought me back to you. You still pull me tom. You showed me so much gentleness, you formed me in so many ways that I can't explain. We manifested a product of ourselves and she is the most perfect, flawed, complex, kind, smart girl who emits golden light into this world. She's a reflection of all that is good in us. You only want to talk about Solis and I get that. Im not sure why I keep extending but I keep seeing you in my dreams and I keep seeing you in Solis and I keep seeing you in real life and I can't take my eyes off of you. Sometimes I worry about you like you keep so much in, I wonder if you could ever trust me again but, Im here, and I love you. Ive made myself a safe place for people. You and Solis helped me in ways you'll only know if you see me through eyes of forgiveness. 

I don't know what the point of this is. You make things Clear to me all the time, but sometimes you flirt with me and I think sometimes you might be flirting with the idea of me. Flirt with it more. We can be a team, a real team. Not married mom and dad but, come be with the chickens and the family and you'll feel at home because when we’re together we are home. 

“oh how I love you, in the evening when we are sleeping.” 

I remember every song we listened to, I remember every fight, every time we played and played and played, and the piano fingers on my skin. Watching you play gently on the keys making such powerful noise. Thats why you're a good cook I bet. It’s all in the gentle finesse. You're a gentle dad and a gentle man and I'm so sorry for bringing that chaos and lack of privacy into your life, I didn't get it then and you did everything you could to make me understand. I wonder why though, you never let me go and why it takes you to treat me almost like I'm not a human, in your words “nothing” to be able to stomach being near me. Is it resistance or is is disgust? Ive done a lot of stupid things... make some stupid mistakes. The fucking phone dude... didn't even cross my mind.  Its your job to catch me on those things and tell me to cut it out. Im learning that we all need to pick each other up when we’re slipping. I love you tom. Im so proud of you, and I will always be rooting for you. I will always love you in a special way too. More than love like family. I want to touch your hand sometimes so badly and just grab you and hold you and smell you like the time in the harbor. Its hard to dream of you. 

There are so many things I need to be sorry. You didn't deserve what you've had to go through. I wish we could hug man. 

[tristinleighhh]

✨☀️ my heart & soul are so full.

This was truly the best experience of my life. Envision is something else. I danced and sweat out every negative energy that I had stored away before I came here. I feel like a new person..

🌊 I loved the whole vibe of the Uvita area. Everyone was so nice. I've missed the salty air in my hair and on my lips. Being surrounded by the jungle and the ocean is a euphoric feeling. 🐟 I ate a lot of good fish outside the festival and I am definitely missing it. I loved the fresh fruits and coconuts everywhere 🥥🌴🍍🍌🍓

🏕️ our air b&b was just a couple minutes away from the festival and our host Jose was the nicest human ever. He was constantly making sure everything was perfect for us and coming back to get sleep in the ac was prime. I'm very glad we did that. Cabinas yuriel 💛💚❤️☁️

🐳 we went on a whale watching tour and we're blessed to see a male and a mama and her baby playing around! Humpback whales are my flavorite animal and I haven't seen them since I was in Hawaii so it was an epic treat.

🌄Then Dan and I watched our last Costa Rican sunset for the trip and took a nice stroll home. On the way we saw a sloth in the tree, a crazy poisonous snake and a gnarly looking centipede. 🐍🌙

I have fallen in love with envision and everything it stands for and for the beautiful country of Costa Rica. I will be back there's no doubt about that. I want to explore everything. Thankful for this trip and all the lessons learned and friends I met along the way. Until next time 🥥✨ Pura Vida ✨🥥

✨ Top Envision Moments & Music ✨

🔥 the sunset and fire spinners on the beach with the drum circle. I had hoped to spin some fire down there but I'll be a little more prepared next time.. you walk up the path onto the beach and you are met with various vendors with cool bones and jewelery, cheap beer and food as you emerge into a sea of people on the sand. The sky was on fire and the vibes were hiiiigh. The drum circle was tribal and euphoric. Looking around me being surrounded by jungle and ocean and beautiful people was straight bliss.

•

🍄 seeing Paul staments talk about mushrooms. I only caught one but it was so cool to hear him share his stories and experiences with us.

•

🍽️💦the dishcoteque

The waste at this festival was pretty much non existent. It always makes me sad how people can leave a place so destroyed and covered in trash. I had to pick up no trash from the ground and all the volunteers who were picking up trash barely had anything in their buckets. When you got food at any vendor here you received an actual dish, bowl, silverware or cup. When you were done you'd bring it to the "dishcoteque" and recieve a voucher for your next one. No plastic at all barely any paper products besides some paper straws .. the bathrooms also did not have toilet paper in them.. you had to get it from the outside and bring it with you so they were not overflowing with paper and and overuse of products.

•

✨🎨✨ the art & the stages

There was so much phenomenal art. I was blown away by the murals everywhere and the art gallery was bursting with talent and creative energy.

The bars and booths were all made from the materials surrounding them. Everything was made from the earth. The Sol stage was surrounded by a beautiful design with a big screen in the back that had really awesome visuals on it

The lapa stage was filled with house n deep techno vibes all day and night. It felt like something out of an epic movie in there with all the mist and the lights. The entrance to the beach was right there too. It was a great place to go to just dance and chill out.  And finally... The Luna stage. W o w. The most incredible stage I've EVER seen in my life and I've seen quite a few cool stage setups. It was a huge tower of Earth and wood and vines and beauty. There was a portal where people danced behind. The lighting was a1 from the lasers to the mapping on the funktions. It was truly other worldly there.  I will be riding the high of that stage for a long time. There was water refill stations in all the right spots which made staying hydrated in the jungle heat so easy.

•

🌮🍓🍦🥑🥙 the food

It's usually hard for me to eat at festivals lately because I don't eat meat anymore. Chicken fingers was always a go to for me but I've sadly become very picky. Everyone was pretty accommodating to my needs ( I wish I thought about asking for no cilantro before the last day 😞 I hate that shit )and everything was so nourishing and healthy. I have not been eating well lately and I feel so nice and full after all the smoothies and juicy goodness I ingested over the weekend.

•

🕷️ the huge tarantula like spider that happened to wander through the crowd of people dancing with the bass vibrating the floor and onto our blanket. It was SO BIG how did you even make it through the crowd?! Stealthy dude. That was wild.

•

☕🍵The tea party!

I went to the bathroom and I came across a tiny but huge tea party. Everyone had tea cups along a very small rectangle table/stool and they were singing jungle tea time jungle tea time and cheersing to life it was so cute

•

🎭🤸‍♀️🔥💃 the performers...

Wow. I haven't seen performances like that ever. Every collective blew my mind they all had a vibe of their own and absolutely slayed it on stage. Serious inspiration

•

🎶🔊 the music

Every set was so good. Nothing was like oh that was cool .. everything i was was so we'll put together and everyone definitely out out jungle vibes.

•

I'll just put this first in case you don't want to read all the way cause this was my flavorite part 💓

👽 Tipper 👽

This was my 30th show.. in the jungle...and the Luna stage couldn't have been any better. He played so many fat unreleased tracks and vips I have never heard before. Serious deep jungle vibes. I can honestly say that was my flave set I've seen by him so far. There were no visuals but I was so okay with that. the lights were so on point and the performers were so freaking good and well paired with what he was putting out. I am sooooo freaking thankful for that experience and to have had it with all my tipper family. This community has Brought me all over the country and now out of the US. I am constantly overstimulated and it's just getting more intense as I get older so traveling can be difficult for me. The high energy if the airport is a lot for me. Music festivals are even a lot for me but I eventually get comfortable..I just love the epic moments of euphoria through music and these experiences that I'll push myself through the rest of it. The way tippers music makes me feel is so worth trooping through a sea of energies to get to that moment. It's truly beautiful for me and I know others feel the same. Blessed to be alive for the making of tipper music

•

Thursday

✨ the first real full set of music we saw was jpod.. someone ive never listened to and I'm so glad I know about him now. It was so fun I found all my friends and it was the perfect way to kick off the weekend.

✨Naughty princess was someone I didn't know as well and she threwwwww down a dirty heavy dubstep set. It was proper as fuck and she looked like a boss in the dj booth.

✨Honerable mention to Govinda and an-ten-ae

✨🔮Clozees first set on Friday night was so surreal. Seeing her live is a true experience. It got so heavy and blissful it was by far my flavorite set I've seen from her. She's so humble and cute and beyond excited to be doing this for us. When she plays she emmits such a powerful feminine vibe. The high that gave me was super intense.

✨ Honerable mention to

Stylust beats with the filthy dubstep set

Nico luminous

And attya to close was super smooth

•

Saturday

✨ The funk hunters played two sets. The but their Saturday night set on the Luna stage was so fire. They're so fun and energetic

✨ Random rab was so beautiful. Probably the most beautiful performance I've seen by him yet. His voice is absolutely amazing.

✨LAZY SYRUP ORCHESTRA...... If you don't know them please go listen to their sets on SoundCloud. The sun had risen and the people were vibin.. 6am set - ???? It was so freaking good ahhhh words can't even decribes

They're all so talented I want to return to that moment forever.

Going to the beach and jumping in the ocean after that was so freaking cooooooool.

✨Honerable mention to symbolico for throwing down two dope sets & moontricks on the Sol stage

•

Sunday

✨ Drrtywulvs ... Wowza. That was so fun and uplifting.. all the booty shaking..I love his music and all the noises. It always makes my body move in the weirdest of ways.

✨SUPERTASK..he's one of my flavorite artists ever and he threw downnnnnnnnn such a dope set in the jungle.

✨ SOOHAN was everything I wanted. His music makes me dance in all the best ways

✨🌄 Clozees played a sunrise set @ 545 and it was beautiful. She was very downtempo and played a lot of slower vibe songs.. it was perfect and blissful.

✨ and finally emancipator. They are forever one of my flavorites. They played at 7 am and closed out the Luna stage with the most magical morning vibes. I feel like they played a lot of new music and it was a perfect way to bring down the high energy from the night

✨Honerable mention to dirtwire on the Sol stage who pulled me out of my funk bc of the rain I love their music so much and Seeing them live is a huge treat.

If you've made it this far thanks for reading! Envision is my new flavorite place and I am already counting down the days until I can go back. ✨🥥

[i-amusemyself]

All Emoji Asks.

🐰 what is one secret youve never told anyone?I don't really have that many secrets. I guess theres a side of my personality that I spend a lot of energy supressing like hell that I hate with a passion.💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?Right now? My best friend right next to me or my friend back home.🐹 what are some of your favourite pokemons and why?I mean, I only ever played pokemon go, but from that I loved the squirtles and the evees just bc theyre cute af🌠 if you were in charge of the world what would it be like?A lot more chilled out. Chill pills would be mandatory.👀 what was the most recent vivid dream you had?Okay I had two freaking weird ones the other night?In one I was a 10 y/o muslim girl going to a new primary school and while I was there I started raising money for a cancer charity.In the other I was taking a really hard A level maths exam and getting stressed and mad bc everyone kept talking and I couldnt finish it in time.☀ what do you like most about your best friend?EVERYTHING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Idk, I guess how forgiving and layed back she is. She always tries to understand and see things from your point of view.😘 talk about your crush or partnerLmao I'm alone 😂 I do have a crush but its a million miles from mutual so like, shes amazing but boi it hurts 😂💁 if someone was rude to you would you be rude back?Depends on how well I know them and what they're like tbh. I'll banter, but I avoid confrontation.🌟 what do you like about yourself? (3 things)😂😂😂 wow erm...1. I always try and put in all the energy I have if someone/something needs it2. I make loads of terrible puns its gr93. I really dont have any other qualities idk🐾 what are you scared of most? How will you overcome it?👏 I'm terrified of abandonment 👏 aaaand as of yet I have no idea how to deal with it ngl🎁 what never fails to make you happy?Really good stand up commedy or my favourite music💙 what annoys you about some people?Their complete lack of self-awareness. Idk, maybe I'm low key jealous too but srsly some people????😤 do you get angry easily?Yeah. I keep pretty good tabs on it so you probs wouldnt know it, but if something upsets me, chances are I'm hella pissed too.🐇 what do you always daydream about?Dramatic and upsetting situations or drunk situations 😂🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?1. Sort out equality and all that jazz2. Divide up the land more equally, bc it pisses me off that some people are living in tiny cramped shacks and others have 100 mile square farms.3. End capitalism and with that make all necessary services free.🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?Anon?✈ what is your dream city and why?I mean Ive always wanted to go to copenhagen but theres no guarantee its gonna be my fave. My fave so far is Amsterdam bc its so peaceful and the architecture is to die for.☕ talk about your ideal day?Spend it with my best friend/crush. Lay in bed late and be lazy and watch good TV/movies. Maybe go out in the afternoon to not go stir crazy and entertain ourselves. Stay up kinda late talking about deep shit, lying underneath the stars.🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?Ambivert!💧 when was the last time you cried?Yesterday lmao 😂 i havent gone more than 2 days without crying in the past week 😧 I just got myself into a nice Depression Episode.🎵 name 5 songs you like atm?Argh I havent listened to music in so long (7 days...) umm so things i wanna listen to- youth by daughter- voices by Motionless in white- living dead girl by rob zombie- corpse roads by keaton hensen- lost boy by troye sivan⚡ if you had any superpower what would it be and why?Mind reading bc my anxiety would be halved.💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?I'd tell myself to stop trying to fit in and be like everybody else because the people I know are just a tiny portion of the population and really aren't much to aspire to. I'd tell myself to drop all my shitty friends because it would stop me from dealing with a lot of crap later on. I'd point myself in the right direction of the better people 😂I'd teach myself how to stand up for myself and how to not take any crap.And I'd give myself a hug and tell myself it's okay not to be cishet, because maybe if I could turn back time and start to deal with it earlier I'd be okay with it now.💚 who are you jealous of and why?A lot of people really, with qualities I don't have.I suppose one kid in particular is like, everything i want to be. Kind, hillarious, confident, close to people I love. 💎 what would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? Why?Bravery or kindness?? Its hard to have one without the other. Also beauty ngl bc im fugly.🙊 what are you ashamed of?My gender and sexuality 👏🌺 which languages do you know? Which do you want to learn?I know english and spanish and I'm learning Danish. Hopefully once I'm okay at danish I can learn arabic. Ill be satisfied after that 😂☘ if you could be any fictional characters friend/lover who would it be and why?I mean, theres plenty of fictional lesbians where im like 😏👀 but honestly if I had to pick only one person I'd choose Kieren Walker from in the flesh bc he needs a friend and I relate to him so strongly.☁ talk about your dream universe.Mental and physical illness doesnt exist. People arent dicks. Everything is free. No one feels unloveable.💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?Idk I'm p much done for the day 😂 I've been helping out around the house all day tho🐬 if you could transform into any animal what would it be and why?I mean i might be biased but either a dog or a sloth bc they get to sleep all the time 😂🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike.Someone I was best friends with for 4 years suddenly turned around and stabbed me in the back, made up shit about me, arranged that all my friends not talk to me for a fortnight, sent group emails stuffed with emotional manipulation and blamed me for her suicidal thoughts. I nearly ended it. Now I get to watch my friends still loving her like she isn't the world's most heartless person. It makes my blood boil.😣 talk about something that has been making you depressed/angry/anxious.I'm staying with my best friend rn and I can't stand the thought of going home.🍪 what did you want to be as a kid and what do you want to be now?I wanted to be a nurse and now I wanna be a doctor 👏 variety 👏🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?I cant really eat sugar 😂 so fuck knows? Chocolate?🍑 what are you obsessed with?Brains, thought processes, psychopaths, graveyards and more 😂💘 what happens to you when youre stressed?I just get really emotional and start agressively making lists everywhere in an attempt to sort my life out.😪 what are you sick of?Humanity.🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?Yeah its terrible 😂 i hate anxiety but I also kinda love it when my heart races.💥 what are some unpopular opinions you have?I....dont? I cba with discourse lifes too short.☔ would you consider yourself a good person?I think anyone with good intentions is usually a good person so yeah😊 what do you do as hobbies?Sleep, binge watch netflix and blog 😂🎤 whats the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?👏👏👏 Mr Brightside 👏👏👏 what a jam 👏👏👏🐝 whats your worst trait?Being waaayyy too clingy.🌷 whats your mbti personality type and why do you think it suits you?ISFJ and yeah defo, its the defender and I feel that tbh🐶 send me 3 fictional people and ill choose my favourite.Anon?👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?Kaitlyn Alexander is my bae.Besides that I dont really....obsess over any celebrities? Eliza taylor is doing p good 😂 ummm also some youtubers? Do they count?🐴 opinion on __?Its a great bit of punctuation.🍋 do you consider yourself to be an emotional person?Lmfaoooooo YES📚 share 3 books you love and your favourite quotes from them.M8. Thats not gonna happen 😂 I love any book that makes me cry but I cannot quote a single word.😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? Does it work?Find a quiet corner, shut my eyes and listen to my Depression Playlist. It doesn't always make me feel better but it helps me ride it out.🙂 what thoughts keep you going when you're sad?The thoughts of uni and that I'll hopefully meet some great new people. Also my best friend. Just in general 😂🌎 which country do you live in?England.🐧 describe yourself in 3 words?Awkward, tall and shy.🙉 what quotes changed you?"Pick your fights" bc as much as its a meme it helps me chill outAlso "everything is temporary" and "the sun will rise and we will try again".💭 do you keep a diary?I have a personal blog which acts as a diary yeah💫 who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander!! (Listen theyre like the first nb representation I ever knew and I relate so much to everything they say and theyre so cute and talented)👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?I mean, my initial response is no. Because we're just bags of flesh made up of cells and when we die those cells die so theres nothing to live on.But tbh we know so little about the universe I'm open to the possibility of anything at this point.🎀 whats your fashion sense like?Dior. I know what clothes I like and think look good but I never like them on me.🎬 what are some of your favourite films?Deadpool, My sisters keeper, pitch perfect 2 ermm🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?UmmmmmmmmmmmmWhen I first got my bunny, that was an amazing day!!🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?Um my soulmate? Where are they at?

[kendrixtermina]

Cold Hearted Girl Blues

The “Cold Hearted Girl Blues” Anthology, & associated story ideas.

Just to be safe, TRIGGER WARNING for Disturbing Content and unhealthy attitudes that are in no way representative of reality. 

Depiction =/= endorsement. 

(Final order may vary)

Part A: Avoidant Attachment Style

Indifferent Girl Playlist - “The expression ‘I don’t feel so well’ makes no gramatical sense. It should be ‘I don’t feel so good’, unless you mean to imply that your ability to feel is hampered.”

Cold Hearted Girl Blues - “One Day she won’t love you either.”

Barren Heart - “The hypocricy of writing about things you know nothing about.”

There Was Nothing In Gauf’s Room - “It’s not her fault, either. What you get is what you see. ”

Failure to Manifest - “Sometimes, this situation has her feeling like she doesn’t exist.”

Cold Hearted Girl Gothic - “Just this single, isolated Conciousness.”

LEERE IST EIN PRIVILEG - “#Introvert Pride.”

Dweeb Life - “Ah, the obscure Joys of bein a shut-in”

Heroin Chick - “Involving no actual heroin.”

You're in a laundry room - “There has been a bit of a failure to connect with this world.”

Biology / inertia - “Even her happiest relationship didn’t go over without being compared to a robot at least once. Balancing extreme introversion with a live-in boyfriend.”

Diffusion - “She has no idea what she looks like. It always surprisesher what people say about her.”

Cold Blooded - “It’s a style of communication, apparently.”

Crazy Headphones Girl - “What could he possibly see in her?”

Cold Hearted Girl Erotica - “Her Kink is compartementalization, but she also dabbles in questionanble sex on drugs threesomes with a hooker.”

Cold Hearted Girl Tumblr - “Preempting the Discourse(TM). I was done with the 2010s when they were a new thing.”

Cold Hearted Girl Musings - “She tries to avoid the common pitfalls, at least in theory.”

Cold Hearted Girl Adventures - “She realizes that she’s the sort of person who breaks people’s heart; She’s like this asshole boyfriend from all these lovesongs.”

Cold Hearted Girl's Lament - “She’s usually the one who has to take it upon herself to be be the rational one and tell you ‘No’.”

Cold Hearted Girl Challenges - “Even the Best of her relationships involved her being compared to a robot at least once.”

Life is Gross - “Including the bits of it that are commonly accepted to be loveable and cute.”

Indifference II: Emotionally unavailable morally ambiguous chick - “There are character flaws, ppl. Being an asshole is generally a bad thing.”

Cyborgery I (the becomming) - “Even when she’s right with you,she’s so far away”

The Minimalist's Wet Dream - “She leads her life with a bare minimum of human contact.”

Alphabet Girl - “It would be one thing if you were competing with the universe, but it’s really her ingrown, self-absorbed world you’re playing second fiddle to.”

Peel - “You thought you could find a normal person underneath, didn’t you?”

Part B: Maladaptive Daydreaming

Endzeitromantik - “No one wants to admit these days that they ever liked NuMetal but she sees no reason to do the same.”

Unapologetic - “She’s not romanticising what she thinks you think she’s romanticising. Or so she thinks.”

Luciferosis - “She’s in love with the Devil and is planning to leave in order to be with him. Of course, she will be missed, but of course, she doesn’t care about it. She’s the sort of asshole who’d fall in love with the Devil.”

Opheliac - “There are multiple ways to be in love with the void. The most relevant ones are not featured in this piece.”

Lone Diggin' - “Going to restaurants on her own.”

The Girl In The Tower - “To preserve something valuable in safe, protected garden... that is not what you did.”

Bizarro Self - “She’s put some thought into this, actually.”

Dreamer Things - “That’s what she calls them, anyway. ‘Dreamer’ may be an euphemism here.”

Make Me Wanna Die - “She just wants to be special, probably because she has no idea what real suffering is. Words mean things, you know?” 

Favorite Love Songs - “Though her real life is barren and deprived, she has a rich inner life. Well, then again, how ‘rich’ can an ‘inner life’ be that only ruminates tiny indirect tidbits of information?”

There Is A Little Harley Quinn In All Of Us - “Unpacking the Whole Badboy Complex. It’s not what you think it is.”

Strange Little Girl - “You really should be going.”

Abstract Dreams - “She doesn’t think they mean anything but she’s willing to indulge the thoughts.”

Joy, Joy, Joy, the Melancholia Rolercoaster. - “She likes to think she has feelings.”

Immortelle - “Involving no Actual Immortals.”

I Feel Personally Victimized By Those 19th Century Romanticists - “Even I am not sure what she’s trying to rove here.”

My Fantasy - “Her kink is apparently freezing to death.”

Cyborgery II - “She envies people whose calloused hands show their dedication to their passion.”

Reality Death - “Silly Rabbit, of course the world keeps turning when you’re not there to observe it anymore.”

Dandelion - “The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all. But sometimes it’s better to be the Dandelion, which can take root anywhere and everywhere.”

Plunge - “If there’s some A grade deaster going on, she obviously won’t miss out on watching.”

Fairytale Ending - “My favorites were Sleeping Beauty and ‘The Salt Princess’. Go on and psychoanalyze me.”

Recontextualizing - “She has different words for it now.”

Peeping Tommie - “It’s at it’s purest where it belongs the least. Or perhaps she just grew the fuck up.”

Paper Flowers - “She’d like to think they mean something.”

Part C: Exercises in Counterdependency

The Butthurt Electra Playlist - “She’s got enough self-awareness to call it that, but not enough to realize it was a bad idea.”

She Will Have her Revenge - “She’ll come back as Fire/ To Burn All the Liars/ Leave a Blanket of Ash on the Ground.”

Hate Poems - “Or: Giving yourself Headaches over people who aren’t worth it”

Pavlov redux - “If you can’t understand like a human, you have to be beaten like a dog” - “Actually, Daddy Dearest, you’re not supposed to beat dogs, either.”

Im Real Good At Hating - “Honestly! I’ve got to have some talent somewhere. ” 

Fuck You Specifically- “Her Lips: Fuck You. Her Hair: Fuck You. Her Clothes: Fuck You. Her crippling self-motivation issues: Fuck You.”

My whole existence for your amusement - “And that is why I’m here with you.”

Sick & Tired - “Yes I know what you think of me, you never shut up.”

Been A Son - “Why does she spend so much time searching for some kind of reason for what you did? Even if there was, it wouldn’t justify your actions.”

Make a list - “It’s supposed to be a therapeutic excercise.”

choice - “It’s the Morton’s Fork of emotions.”

gross girl - “FAART. FAART. She picks her note and eats it. ”

BratFactory - “She outright heard her mother say that she has no value to that man except as a mother to make children.”

AntiStar - “Back in the day, I became obsessed with the thought of a lightless Luminary, an existence that is the very opposite of light.”

Adaptation - “It’s amazing how much a human can twist themselves into a pretzel. It was a matter of survival at the time, you see.”

Emotional Abuse Checklist - “BINGO!”

Remember That We Suffered - “You have no idea what pain is.”

Cyborgery III: We can Rebuild Her  - “Perhaps these vagrant years were simply the means to piece herself back together.”

Idetifikation mit dem Aggressor - “Apparently she looks just like him.”

Es Kocht Die Eifersucht - “A parent is supposed to protect a child from the bad experiences of their youth, not inflict some creepy reenactment of them upon you.”

Curmudgeon (Long Way Home) - “She’s that thing you go to when you want to have a cheap laugh.” 

Visibility - “Your Father Loves you! why can’t you see that?”

Touchy - “You bet she is.”

Light - “She thinks she used to be Light once, but she can’t be sure.”

If I Die, I can be replaced - “I will leave you all behind, move to spain and adopt some children who actually deserve my time and money. Perhaps they will finally appreciate me, unlike you ungrateful wretches.”

My One Mistake Was That I Couldn't Let You Down - “Turns out she wasn’t quite Cold Hearted enough.”

PART D: USELESS, USELESS, USELESS CHILD

Fuckyeahmedicalgrossness - “In my humble opinion, the human brain is way too squishy.”

Something in The Way - “You can always find something.”

Unbirth - “Barely Functioning Lump of Human Flesh. Except no, that’s unfair to the people with real problems. I suppose ‘asshole’ will do.”

Donald Duck Volcano - “I’m not gonna sugarcoat her this time.”

My Wretched Soul Desires Violence - “It’s not pretty, but it’s true. It shouldn’t be but it is.”

Verbal Disclaimer - “I’m not claiming I’m perfect either.”

Useless Child - “How was she supposed to learn if you never let her do anything?”

Madwoman in the Attic - “And they always knew she would be the family spinster.”

Unfair Existence - “At the risk of sounding like a millionaire campaigning for a tax on poverty.”

The Mutant - “Way to make that 9 year old feel like a freak of nature... in the end it’s probably a kind of arrogance.”

Green Grunge - “It’s her jam, except not really. She sure can’t claim to be an expert.”

In Defense Of That Legendary Divorce - “The whole concept of ‘stay for the children’ is utter bullsh*t”

My Fantasy II - “I’m gonna kill all yo fuckers. That’s what quiet people who keep to themselves are supposed to do, right?”

Cyborgery IV – Plastic Death - “My Fetish: All the weak parts of the real me, cut away and dumped in a bucket of medical waste.”

Schreckschraube - “It occurs to her that she’s terribly gross to them.”

Nemo, or as my father lovingly calls me, "Chiquilla de Mierda" - “It’s Spanish for ‘Shit Brat’.”

Hasmereir - “Some of the cruelty is lost in translation, but it basically means ‘Make-Me-Laugh-Thing.’”

You Stink - “Bullies aren’t known for being very creative people.”

Sweet Sweet Reality - “She’s not completely out of touch with it.”

Is there More To Lose Than Gain - “Apparently yes, but she’s not sure how to get it anyways.”

Alraune - “Always with the legends and the soulless children. I think she has a type.”

Confession - “I plead guilty. Mostly to existing.”

Way Too Old For This And F****ing Bored Of It - “Even she is sick of all her emo bullsh*t.”

EPILOGUE: WHATS THE USE OF FEELING BLUE? - The next step, apparently, is crying.