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kiryuzure · 2 months ago

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ok bungou stray dogs fandom i propose a bungou stray dogs high school au…

i’ve talked about this a lot with my friend and i have some notes for most of the characters written done so i thought i should share them with the wonderful world of tumblr.

also, please note these are precisely how they are written down in my notes so if there’s typos or random things that don’t make too much sense i apologize 😭

☆ ADA

atsushi: 1st year, in several clubs, always jumping around and changing because he doesn’t know where he fits in quite yet but he’s trying to figure it out.

dazai: 3rd year, not in any clubs. he tried out a couple but then quickly lost interest because he said he had ‘better’ things to do.

kunikida: 3rd year, not in any club because he tutors people (mainly math, but he can do other subjects as well)

ranpo: 2nd year, in the literature club, he treats it like it’s competitive smh. ranpo, you’re writing books!!! calm down!!!

kenji: 1st year, gardening club! but sometimes he has other after school duties and can’t go. (he’s literally just farming, so really he’s not missing out)

kyōuka: 1st year, gardening but also dabbles in martial arts from time to time.

yosano: 2nd year, hospital volunteer club, she is very serious about it!

jun’ichirō: 1st year, cooking and drama club. he likes drama more than cooking club btw you didn’t hear it from me though….

naomi: 1st year, photography club, she doesn’t really take it too seriously but it’s very fun for her and she still takes heavenly photos somehow???

haruno: 1st year, photography club, all she takes photos of is cats 😭😭😭 somebody take away that girls camera!!!

katai: 3rd year, not necessarily in a club but he’s basically just the schools IT guy. when someone’s computer stops working he goes to the recuse like a superhero. but he’s not a superhero, he’s a guy in a futon.

fukuzawa: vice principal or something cuz I think it’d be funny.

★ PM

rynosuke: 1st year, occult club. he couldn’t get anymore goth if he tried!!! also he probably tried to get dazai to join the occult club one time, dazai said no because he’s dazai.

chuuya: 3rd year, martial arts club because the sheep are in it so, so is he.

gin: 1st year, ceramics club and she has so much fun, let girls be girls!! she looks making plates and bowls and vases and cups and mugs and all that!! and she also likes making stuff for other people sometimes.

higuchi: 1st year, ceramics club, she also enjoys it a lot, we all cheered!!!

kajii: 2nd year, science club, that one club member that everybody hates. always blowing something up. He just likes inhaling the toxic fumes at this point, smh.

oda: dead man in high school omg?? 3rd year, not in any clubs but he constantly in the library reading the same damn book.

(ik he’s in the government, but i’m not making him his own section wtf) ango: 3rd year, photography club. he has fun. don’t take away his camera, please.

kōyō: 3rd year, hospital volunteer club and martial arts. she likes helping people so hospital volunteer and martial cuz she wants to watch kyouka or something.

kyūsaku: not in the high school, mori just babysits them. still in the art club regardless though!

elise: not in the high school, mori just babysits her. in art club with kyūsaku and likes to draw pictures of her enemies dying with little suns in the corner with smiley faces 😁

hirotsu: uh I think he should be the drama club teacher, yeah.

tachihara: 1st year, drama club and gymnastics. no further explanation, moving on!

mori: vice principal or something cuz I think it’d be funny.

☆ DOA

fydor: 3rd year, no club, he mysterious as hell.

nikolai: 3rd year, baking club, he always burns the food, but it’s ok!

sigma: 3rd year, baking club, makes the most angelic tasting desserts known on planet earth.

bram: I don’t know anything about him yet I’m on episode 3 of season 5 😭🙏

★ GUILD

francis: teacher! he would teacher like world history and obviously finances.

lucy: 1st year, baking club. she ignores all the lunatics (nikolai) and just has fun.

poe: 2nd year, literature club, boy it’s not a competition I swear!! ranpo is just annoying. just write!! be free!! have fun!!

john: 2nd year, gardening. he likes planting yellow flowers especially, I just know he does.

nathaniel: teacher! teaches math probably, or something boring. no disrespect to him though, he’s cool.

marget: home economics teacher 1000%. she probably lowkey hates her job though because she has to deal with lunatics (nikolai)

louisa: 2nd year, literature club. probably the only normal person in the literwture club somebody help her. also she would be francis’ favorite students they’re literally bffs 🤞🦄

mark: 2nd year, he probably wants to drop out soooo bad. Not in any clubs cuz he just wants to get out of there

☆ SHEEP

buichirō: 3rd year, martial arts, yeah.

yuan: 3rd year, i honestly don’t think she would be in any club… she would hang around buichiro and chuuya all time like when they’re in martial arts and stuff but wouldn’t be in a club herself.

★ HUNTING DOGS

teruko: 3rd year (bc i found out she’s apparently 26???), martial arts club and all fear her.

tetchō: 3rd year, ok so i need you to hear me out on this club… fencing club… BECUASE LIKE HE’S A SWORDSMAN AND FENCING REQUIRES THE SWORD THINGYS PLEASE SAY I MAKE SENSE PLEASE PLEASE PLE

jouno: 3rd year, drama club. Like the first time we’re introduced to him his arresting dazai with superb acting skills, like he had me fooled too 😭🙏

fukuchi: teacher i think. Maybe the martial arts club head teacher or whatever. He probably actually teaches physical education though.

+ mushitaro who’s not in organization ; 2nd year, he would hang with ranpo and poe (against his will) he would probably be in the baking club for fun. even though he hangs out with ranpo and poe (against his will) he would probably never want to be in the literature club because even when they’re not in club, he always sees the two of the competing and he doesn’t want to deal with that.

i’m probably gonna write a fanfic about this, eventually.

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oh-no-its-bird · 1 year ago

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YOU!!!!!!

[Grabs you by the collar and shakes you]

Youuuuu...

I was scrolling around at way too late at night and saw one of your posts, and I love your posts, so I went to your blog, and bing bada boom, I see the Izuna in Wonderland post and I read through it. I enjoy the writing and the ideas and the art (how dare you be good at both writing and art (affectionate)) and I reach the end and that last drawing.

The one where Madara is like "oh yeah only the Senju could heal u so we have a peace treaty with them now-" That fucking drawing of Madara, has grabbed my by the balls and refused to let go, what the fuck.

He looks so fucking soft and sleepy but like in an unhealthy sick Victorian child way. He looks like he would tell me not to go to school tomorrow bc he likes me but I'd go anyway bc what he really means is like hey take a mental health day bc school is hell, he's just too sleep deprived to realize(care) how evil he sounds. He looks like he either has hair the texture of burnt straw or the fluffiest softest hair imaginable, no in between. He looks like he gives great hugs but could (and would and has) also use those hugs to suffocate someone to death. He looks like a sneeze could kill him and also he is the creator of every virus known to man.

It's the fucking soft yet untamed hair, the creasing and maybe slight puffiness around his eye, the slight coloring (redness I assume) to his nose, the sweat that might be nervousness, might be him having literally worried himself sick at his brother's side and now he has a fever.

I already liked the way you drew Madara, I like all your Madara drawings, but for some reason, this one broke something in me and I can't stop myself from wanting to write fanfiction while spinning this specific Madara around in my head like a rotisserie chicken. Idk if what I'm saying makes sense, it's late, I'm tired, I barely slept last night. I just want you to know that this Madara drawing now lives in my head rent free and if I ever get around to writing the various TobiMada fics in my head, this is how I will imagine him.

Also, love how draw Hashirama too. He looks like a Mii character that got ROM hacked to have a Battle Cats face. And also how grumpy and low effort Tobi looks in here too, his more detailed design is great too. Also I like how you draw Izuna- BASICALLY, I LOVE ALL YOUR CHARACTER DESIGNS, THIS ONE JUST BROKE ME FOR SOME REASON. I'M GONNA STOP WRITING NOW, I NEED TO SLEEP.

I'm fucking crying actually thank you??????? Nicest thing anyone's ever told me about my stuff, I'm gonna explode wtf

Also I can tell you haven't slept in a while so oh my god go do that

Pls take this quick Madara in thanks, I tried to do my best to draw him how I did in the Izuna in Wonderland comic but idk if I did him justice

I've been struggling to find a good way to draw him consistsntly, so I will internalize what u have told me and try to keep that sickly Victorian man energy going forward

#birds fanart #birds asks #madara uchiha

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sephirthoughts · 1 year ago

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ok i got that nasty one out of my system here’s the nice one

Vincent Got a Phone

[but to the tune of Janie's Got a Gun you're welcome]

WARNINGS: none yet but we’ll get there keep your pants on (for now)

INFO: CID/VINCENT, BBFs vincent & aerith it makes sense i swear, background sefikura, fluff, eventual smut, humor, no angst just idiot-related shenanigans

SYNOPSIS: Vincent had a crush, then he got a phone, which has started him down a road toward genuine human connection that he is in no way prepared for. Aerith, his self-appointed friend and wingman (who may not be nearly as sweet and innocent as one would think, based on the dresses and flowers), is determined to steer her favorite ship on the right course!

Chapter 1: The Friend-ship Sails!

BIGDICKDADDY: hello everyone. i bought a phone.

SolidStrife: sephiroth?

SolidStrife: typo oops

SolidStrife: i mean who the fuck is this

.*･｡ﾟ☆Ti-chan☆｡ﾟ･*. : yeah how did you get our group chat ID creep! >:C

BIGDICKDADDY: this is vincent valentine.

SolidStrife: ...

SolidStrife: quick question

BIGDICKDADDY: cid chose this name for me. i don’t know how to change it.

TheChief: hahaha it’s a real good one why would you change it

✿FlowerGal✿: i thought Dick was short for Richard? shouldn’t it be Big Vince Daddy?

.*･｡ﾟ☆Ti-chan☆｡ﾟ･*. : oh honey

✿FlowerGal✿: or Big Vic Daddy? that works too.

SolidStrife: but the daddy part is ok with you

YiffYuff: i think it’s a funny name lol

SolidStrife: you would

YiffYuff: wtf what is that supposed to mean

SolidStrife: it means i know what your username means

YiffYuff: ????

VValentine: nevermind. cait sith showed me how to do it.

TheChief: aw boo y’all are no fun

TheChief: damn robot cats these days

✿FlowerGal✿: I’m really glad you got a phone, Mr. Valentine! Now we can all talk to you and you won’t miss anything! :-D

[VValentine has left the chat]

.*･｡ﾟ☆Ti-chan☆｡ﾟ･*. : wow rude

SolidStrife: he lasted longer than i expected

YiffYuff: what does my username mean!!

YiffYuff: what the hell are you talking about!!!

YiffYuff: CLOUD!!!!

SolidStrife: why don’t you ask cait sith

Vincent had a phone, now. That was…good. A phone was a thing one used to communicate with other people. It was a step toward humanity. Toward the light. Out of the abyss.

Only, he found himself reflexively wanting to retreat back to the safety of his coffin. After all, was taking such a step even allowed, for him? Was this not just collecting another sin with which to freight his soul and trouble his sleep?

But…when sin felt so much like sunshine on your skin, when it was blue and brilliant gold, so vivid you could almost taste the colors—when sin was a wisp of that heartbreaking warmth, so desperately craved during those long, cold, solitary years in the dark…how was one meant to choose atonement?

He would never try to touch the sky, he reasoned. He would only slip out of the shadows and stand in the sunlight for a little while, to quietly absorb some of its warmth, before he sank back into the eternal darkness. Even such a creature as himself yearned for some small comfort, after all.

A soft voice broke in, drawing him from his ruminations. “Um. Mr. Valentine? Are you coming to dinner?”

It was the lighter haired girl. Aerith Gainsborough. And she looked like she was cautiously approaching a rabid dog.

Vincent suppressed a sigh and withdrew deeper into his cloak, in order to appear less threatening. He couldn’t tell from her expression whether or not it was working. But all he had to do was politely decline, and she would go away.

“No, thank—”

“Hey, Vinnie! Vin!” Cid called out, just then, from ten meters behind her, where the rest of them were gathering. “We’re goin’ to eat, you comin’?”

“Yes, thank you,” Vincent said to the girl, as he pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning on, and strode away toward the group.

Aerith paused for a moment, with an unreadable look on her face, before she trotted after him.

“Did you not like your food, Cloud?” Tifa was asking, as the party exited the restaurant, a couple of hours later.

“Huh? Food?” Cloud said distractedly. “Oh. It was fine.”

“Do you even know what you ate?” Yuffie retorted. “You were staring at your phone the entire time.”

“I wasn’t staring at my—” Cloud pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped the screen a few times. “I gotta go. I’ll be back…later.”

“Where are you going? Cloud!” Tifa shouted after him, as he hurried away down the street. Annoyed with the young man’s wayward behavior, she naturally turned to her friend, for support. “Can you believe how rude he’s being? What is going on with him?”

Aerith was looking the other direction, however, apparently engrossed in something else. “Hm? Oh, yeah. Totally. What a jerk.”

“You weren’t even listening!” Tifa said, stamping her foot. “Why is everyone acting like this tonight?”

“You mean, why’s no one paying attention to the princess?” Yuffie smirked.

Tifa scowled. “Shut it, brat. Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

Yuffie rolled her eyes. “Don’t you know frowning gives you wrinkles?”

“Oh, ho ho! Did you guys see that?!” Aerith exclaimed, startling them both.

“See what?” they replied, nearly in unison.

“Mr. Valentine just yawned, and exactly ten seconds later, Mr. Highwind said he was tired and wanted to head back!” She gave a delighted little giggle and then squealed, clutching her phone to her chest, like a teddy bear.

Yuffie and Tifa looked at each other, then back at her, with expressions one might adopt when addressing a mental patient.

“Mr. Valentine yawns all the time, Aeri-chan,” Tifa pointed out.

“Yeah, what’s so interesting about old men being tired?” Yuffie scoffed. “They both fell asleep in the theater, the other night, and you weren’t wetting your pants about that.”

Tifa made a face. “You want to rethink that phrasing, maybe?”

“Hehehe it’s nothing, nothing at all. You wouldn’t understand,” Aerith gloated, while rapidly typing something on her phone. She hit what must have been the ‘send’ button, with an air of triumph, then finally looked up. “Hey…where did Cloud go?”

Over the next several days, Vincent began to get a feeling that he was being watched. He had this feeling because he was definitely being watched. By the Gainsborough girl, of all people. She seemed to have taken an unusual interest in his activities, and had been surreptitiously observing him, at random intervals throughout each day.

He was aware of it pretty much immediately, due to his high level of training and artificially heightened senses, and also the fact that she was really bad at spying. Like, he literally saw her ducking behind a trash can, once. Whoever among their enemies had got to her, they obviously hadn’t given her much in the way of instruction, before they sent her to work. Maybe it was a blackmail job.

Either way, if she was under hostile influence, she was now a threat to the group, and it was his duty to get to the bottom of it. It’d be better not to alert the others, yet, in case anyone else was compromised, so he’d be going this one alone. Besides, it wasn’t as if he needed help handling one little teenaged girl.

That night, after supper, he took a walk around the general area of the group’s rooms, making sure he was clearly seen, then faded into the shadows, to lie in wait for the spy. Three minutes and seventeen seconds later, he heard stealthy footsteps coming down the walk.

Tch. Amateur. She didn’t disguise her gait, control her breathing, or even try to mask her scent. When she passed the dark space between the buildings, she was playing with her phone, pretending to be looking at it, but glancing stealthily about, obviously looking for her target.

In less time than it takes for a human heart to beat once, a whirl of crimson whipped out of the narrow alley, silently engulfed the young woman, and vanished. Behind the building, in the deep shadows, Aerith suddenly found herself pinned against a brick wall, with the big triple-barrel of Cerberus pressed to her throat.

“Scream and it will be the last sound you make in this life,” Vincent said, in a low, menacing snarl (which was just his usual voice but slightly quieter). “Who are you working for?”

“Mr. Valentine?” Aerith replied, in a normal, conversational tone, looking at his face, rather than the gun, for which he had to inwardly applaud her cool-headedness under duress. “What are you doing lurking around in the alley?”

The hammer clicked back. “A name, Ms. Gainsborough. Or I paint this wall with your—”

“Oh, please, you’re not going to kill me,” she laughed (Actually laughed! At him!!). “If you were, you’d have cut my throat or strangled me right away, instead of trying to scare me with your very loud gun, with all our friends right within hearing distance.”

He wrapped his other hand around her neck and holstered the weapon. “You’re right. There are plenty of ways to kill you quietly. Answer the question. Who are you working for? How did they get to you? Are they blackmailing you? Holding someone hostage? If so, why did you not come to us for help, rather than betray us?”

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” She eyed him doubtfully. “Are you…feeling ok, Mr. Valentine?”

“I am never feeling ok. That is beside the point. You have been following me and spying on me, for five days. You appear to be recording my movements and reporting them to someone. I also saw you take several photographs of me and Cid Highwind, when you believed yourself to be unobserved.”

Her eyes went wide. “Eh? You saw tha—I mean, I have no idea what you mean! You have no right to interrogate me! I want a lawyer!”

“A lawyer? I am not with the police, Ms. Gainsborough. In case you forgot…I’m a monster.” As he said this, he leaned closer, baring his sharp canine teeth, and letting his irises flash brilliant crimson-gold, in the darkness of the alleyway.

“Ooh, that was so cool!” Aerith breathed. “Wow, you’re really sexy, Mr. Valentine.”

Vincent choked and actually took a step back, letting go of her neck, from sheer astonishment. “What are you—that’s not—how can a nice young lady like yourself use such a word, so casually!”

“What, sexy? You really have been living in a coffin, haven’t you. Times have changed. Nice young ladies like me can say and think and do whatever we want. That includes thinking you’re sexy and telling you so. Not that I’m into you! Even if I swung that way, you’re like a million years too old for me, yuck.”

When she said that last bit, she laughed and stuck her tongue out, with a little shudder of disgust, to which Vincent took great umbrage. He was old, sure, but he didn’t look old. He looked pretty good, he thought. Anyway, he definitely wasn’t worthy of a shudder.

Also, how did this tiny girl flip the situation around on him, so fast! Saying all these bizarre things and confusing him! On top of that, she wasn’t even a little bit scared of him! That hurt his pride even more than the shudder, and he became morose.

“As I was saying, you’ve got the situation all wrong,” Aerith informed him, flipping her braid over her shoulder. “I mean, yeah…maybe I was spying on you a little. But that was for my own reasons. No one got to me and I’m not betraying anyone. I’m actually your ally, here. Maybe the only one you have.”

Vincent was hiding in his collar, with his arms crossed sullenly, glowering down at her from the shadow of his black bangs. “What nonsense are you talking? What do you mean, ally?”

“Let’s just say, I represent a certain community, of very devoted, extremely supportive enthusiasts, who take a special interest in…gentlemen such as yourself.”

This was definitely some kind of trick, to trip him up, but he couldn’t see the hook yet. Better play along, for now. “Such as myself, in what way?”

“Gentlemen who, you know,” she winked suggestively, which nearly sent him stumbling back another step, “prefer the company of other gentlemen.”

“I prefer no one’s company,” he growled. “Try again.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Not even…Mr. Highwind’s?”

What the hellfire? What did she know?? Would he have to kill her, after all?!

“I can tell by the look on your…forehead, that you know what I’m talking about,” the infuriating and deeply bewildering young woman continued. “It’s also clear from my observations, that no one else knows. And that, if it’s left up to you, he never will. That is where your dearly devoted fujoshi sisters come in.”

This was obviously an attempt to baffle him with more gibberish. Vincent’s hand was already on Cerberus’ stock again. “You’re stalling. So, you have backup coming. You think they can kill me, before I kill you?”

“Seriously, tone down the drama, Mr. Valentine. I’m trying to tell you I want to help you. Look, I’ll show you.” She pulled her phone out and held it up so he could look at the screen. “This is our server. These are all sisters—that’s what we call our members. Each channel is devoted to a different ship, but we encourage multi-shipping and no ship hate is allowed, whatsoever.”

“Channel? Ship? You like…nautical engineering?” Vincent attempted, utterly at a loss.

“Ship is short for relationship. The Fujo-Friends server is dedicated to fanship of the MLM variety.”

He blinked stupidly at the screen, as she scrolled through what she called a channel. It looked like a group chat, sort of like the one their party used on the phone, but it was made up of far more participants.

They all had little cartoon avatars, and inexplicable names, like ‘Mrs. Genesis’ and ‘disco slut kadaj’ and ‘sefikurafan’ and ‘rudeXlovesXreno’, and even a ‘Sephiroth’s Daddy’ which he did not like, at all. Messages were popping up, constantly, and they seemed to be talking about…

Vincent’s head spun, and he had to lean on the wall, to catch his breath. He had literally never seen so many euphemisms for that crucial part of the male anatomy, in his life. He didn't even know most of them, before.

How…how could all of those people talk so openly about these things? How could they all care enough about total strangers, to say so many weird and perverse (and also a lot of very sweet and supportive) things, about them? How could they know so much more about that kind of thing than he did?!

He passed a hand over his brow. “You, and all these other women…you talk about men, having…sexual relationships, with other men? Why?”

“Oh, it’s not just women,” Aerith chirped. “We welcome sisters of all genders. Why do we do it? For a ton of reasons. Mostly because it’s fun, but honestly, a lot of us are just sick of the heteronormative status-quo getting pushed on us in every form of media, and want to imagine more people in happy, queer relationships. I mean, there are toxic ships, too, but those are strictly for the sake of hotness. We don’t condone any abusive or unhealthy relationships, IRL.”

Vincent shook his head helplessly. “I—I don’t know what any of those words mean.”

“It’s ok, that’s why I offered to help you. You don’t seem to know what you’re doing in that area. Like, at all.”

“What I’m doing in which area?”

“Well…you like Mr. Highwind, right?”

“If you already know, why do you keep asking,” Vincent returned crossly.

“Good! The first step is talking about your crush to a trusted friend,” Aerith encouraged.

“Who said you were a trusted—”

“As for the other steps, a socially challenged but otherwise high-spec man, like you, is just the kind of person who could benefit from the sisters’ help! Don’t worry, I won’t put you on the server, or anything. Unless you want me to.” Vincent’s glare intensified. “Ok, I’ll take that as a no. What I can do for you, is act as your relationship consultant. With the input of the sisters, of course. The Fujo-Friends will help you make a plan to get your man!”

Vincent nodded. “I’m leaving. Goodnight.”

“No, no, wait!” Aerith said, stepping hastily in front of him. “Just hear me out, ok? I know this all probably seems ridiculous to you, but…I can’t stand seeing you so sad, Mr. Valentine. You’re a good person, and you’ve survived through so much. You deserve happiness. You deserve love. And I deserve to see you and Mr. Highwind together.”

“A good person.” His lip curled in a sneer, which was totally lost on Aerith, as it did so behind his collar. “What could possibly have lead you to believe that about me? Do good people live in coffins in the basements of disused bioengineering facilities?”

“They do if they’re trying to protect other people from something. I know your story. What happened to you. And I know all you’ve done is help people, since you went underground. You’re even helping us, now. So…let me help you, a little. Consider it a thank you, for being on the team.”

Vincent withdrew gloomily into his cloak again (like a turtle retracting into its shell, which was far more adorable than he realized or he’d never do it again), and said nothing. But he didn’t say no. The moment he failed to say no, he handed Aerith the reins.

“Great! So excited to get started!” She clapped her hands delightedly and bounced up and down, like a child. “I'll message you tomorrow morning, with the details!”

Vincent sighed heavily. “Alright.”

He was still in a daze, musing on how he’d even gotten into this mess, when he found himself back in his room. It was…something of a relief, to be honest. He had no idea how to ask for help and wouldn’t have accepted it, if it was offered.

But if it was urgently pressed upon him, what choice did he have? He couldn’t hurt Ms. Gainsborough’s feelings, after she’d been so kind as to reach out to him. Aside from Cid, she was the first one in the group to speak directly to him, excluding strictly necessary communication.

Also, he had a sneaking suspicion that this small girl could be scarier than Sephiroth, if she took a mind to, and he had no desire to find out if he was correct.

link to it on my ao3 just in case you want to leave me a nice comment. or a mean one fuck it bring it on

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magicat1337 · 4 months ago

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MY STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS WHIULE WATCHING FRAUDS:

A massive thread originally uploaded to friendproject.net

WARNING: THIS GETS REALLY CRAZY, REALLY FAST. ALOS OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS FOR FRAUDS

"the strawberry cheesecake yogurt is only a paid actor, as you'll notice there is no spoon. Insert self loathing here"

Watching frauds rn, i f***ing love this movie "You're turning into one big walking whoreman" (while playing twister:) I've played this before, naked and covered in baby oil

the casey's pizza delivery driver realizing that the rumors were true and agent smith from the matrix DOES live at that weird townhouse

"what are you doing?" "Remembering."

WHY IS HE HAVING A FREAK OFF WITH HIS WIFE WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE 2 MINUTES AGO WE WERE DEALING WITH ACCIDENTAL MURDER AND NOW HUGO WEAVING IS COVERED IN BABY OIL

laughed so hard at the freak off i threw up and now im pissing myself

"For one night in our lives, let's think with our dicks"

beth wheats, frauds

"The guy was here to assess the damage to the table, not play yahtzee on it!"

ONE ELEPHANT. TWO ELEPHANTS. 3 GODDAMN ELEPHANTS

sleepy weepy hugo ^w^

i love how jonathan tries to organize a serious meeting with his insurance man and he just plays monopoly with them instead

bro is swimming while he breaks up a couple

never let me become an insurance agent cuz ill just end up like rolan from frauds

HELP THESE LITERAL F***ING TODDLERS DREW THEIR IDEAS OF WHAT BETH WAS DOING ON HER LONG VACATION AND IT WAS JUST BASIC STUFF LIKE GOING TO THE BEACH AND WALKING HER CAT BUT THEN THIS CRAZY ASS KID DRAWS HER GETTING INTO A CAR CRASH LMAO

these subtitles are so humorously bad

the way hugo weaving's asscheeks jiggle when he's chasing the other insurance guy down >>>>>>

ROLAND PLEAAASSSSEEEEE GO BACK TO PLAYING WITH YOUR PET DUCK AND ROLLING DICE WHAT IS THIS FREAK ASS SHIT YOU'RE DOING TO JONATHAN WHAT THE F***

why does hugo have thicker cheeks than me

i cant wait til you schlonkerdoodles wake up and watch my spiral into insnaity

"I enjoy my work, it is very challenging" "I enjoy my work, it is very challenging" "I will not get angry today" "Let's not jump to conclusions"

"every time i think of the silverware, i throw up"

yeah this shit is getting too freaky for me, its like a car crash; i an't look away

i simultaneously want to and dont want to go to the lobotomy house

is my computer freaking out because it doesnt want me to finish this movie or is it just doing that on its own

wtf its 1am

yeah this guy is gonna fucking kill em

i give up. solid 9/10, not so sure about that part where i said i was gonna become roland if i was left as an insurance agent though now

#hugo weaving #frauds #frauds 1993 #wtf why am i posting this #i am running out of ideas

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happy-tori-friends · 1 year ago

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a collection of reposts from twotter including the long ago promised oc ramblings

1. The OC Ramblings

i had an oc named emily that i shipped with splendid actually. she ended up becoming a non htf oc i used for some lil booklets i wrote in the 3rd grade. i was also under 13 and on 13+ sites bc i was stupid and im 99% sure emily's best friend in that series had the same name and a similar design to a friends htf oc.

i ended up reusing them for a kids book project in a sociology class back in hs. im sad i didn't get to keep it rip

i also apparently had two others named smokey the cat and alex the dog according to an old youtube account? but idr ever making them.

i also submitted a lilac cat named felicity i drew in ms paint to the voting competition lmao.

all of them - except felicity had hair. but tbf i also gave my sonic ocs hair (in the vain of honey the cat, i think her name was) bc i felt weird with them being 'bald'

and smurb (i used some htf oc maker to make him, he was gonna be the masot of a happy tree friends oc rating tumblr blog which since turned into a blog i reblog things to so i can save them for later)

2. the tomodachi life in my brain (ft. my ocs and shizuo and izaya from durarara)

the tomodachi life-esque apartment in my mind has somehow gotten even funnier. ray and tsubasa invite shizuo and izaya to meet the new ppl who moved into the building. they knock on the door. the door opens and there stand lifty and shifty from happy tree friends. there is a long silent pause. someone shuts the door. there is more silence.

finally tsubasa says 'were those fucking two anthropromorphic green raccoons'

everyone goes back to their apartments, confused as all hell.

3. if i tiktok'd

if i used tiktok id probably make a video of my 3ds closed on my bed and my lifty and shifty plushes sitting in front of it and me going 'okay boys its time for you to get an education :) lets learn about Pokemon War' and i open the 3ds and its pokemon conquest

it just cuts to them looking at each other with 'wtf' and '???' overlayed.

so far they've just stayed on my bedside shelf but i want to be silly with them

the alternative is me tucking them in and going 'goodnight i love you' and then just jump cut to a poorly eduted sequence of them beating the shit out of my self portrait while the pmd outlaw theme plays

im completely and totally unaware that i am not funny at all. ever.

4. cub

human cub htf is just the babysitting mama baby and in this essay i-

5. graphic design is my passion

it would be really easy to snatch cub's hat and put it on the cooking mama baby but how easy do you think it would be to remove cuddles's hair and replace his feet with ones without slippers and recolor him pink to make bunny maloney

i considered drawing him myself but a. the shitty recolor is arguably funnier and b. the last time i attempted to draw in the htf style was my first attempt at magical warrior au mascot and i just accidentally made an actual htf

if this had eyelashes and an actual more human hairstyle + clothes it would be emily (she had green hair 4 a while according to old doink to youtube uploads but i swear she originally had blue hair + i think the cat club version had blue hair and the version of her i used for my childrens book project in sociology class in hs was based on the cat club version of her and therefor had blue hair)

6. ultima weapon

htf ffxiv au where shifty lifty and splendont just pull out cards and start playing go fish in the ultima weapon fight l during the cutscenes (

#tori talks #sillies #tori art

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call-me-aesthetic · 4 years ago

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If Twisted Wonderland was an American Public School

WARNING: There are some slight sensitive topics that are featured in here! Reader discretion is advised!

Part 2 can be found here

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts:

- That one preppy girl who takes all honors and AP classes 😑

- Wants everyone to know that he’s becoming a doctor one day for his strict parents or he’ll dishonor the family

- Reminds the teacher about homework, knowing well that he’ll get slander for it

- Complains about how he got a 90 on his test or a B on his report card, a try hard much?

- Wears a cardigan with thicc but cute glasses since he’s one of those people with can’t see shit on the board so he has to move to the front of the class

Ace Trappola:

- The SoundCloud rapper, that’s it

- “Wanna listen to my mixtape? It’s pretty fire, my guy.” 😩🔥

- You will not miss him BLASTING out some song on his Bluetooth speaker, that shit be echoing through the hallways

- Tells you to stop what you’re doing only for him to either sing horribly or do a backflip, thinking that he’s so cool

- Wears a Supreme jacket with AirPods and waves on his head

Deuce Spade:

- Assuming that he’s still a delinquent, he’s that kid with the most fucked up school record

- Not much of a bully but will still talk shit to your face without caring, might even throw stuff at you during a lesson and you would be the one getting in trouble instead of him 🗿

- If he ever gets mad, it would be overdramatic like kicking the desks, punching the lockers, or walking out of the classroom unannounced and everyone would look at each other wondering wtf happened

- Covers the entire desks with drawings of skulls and those “s” if you know what I mean

- Wears Champion hoodies, wants you to know that he’s broke and rich at the same time

Trey Clover:

- The guy that’s not really popular but everyone knows him since he’s in all their classes

- Most people might have a crush on him because he’s REALLY nice 😳👉👈

- Gives off “older brother” vibes based on the way he looks and acts, like offering you a ride home if you beg ask nicely

- Secretly bakes creme brulee but doesn’t want to mess with the flow so he sticks to the status quo

- Wears the school’s hoodie just because he thinks it looks good on him, and the fact that he doesn’t know what else to wear

Cater Diamond:

- Hot Cheetos girl 🥵

- Has a whole buffet of food in his backpack and will not hesitate to eat them during a lesson, no sharing either sorry

- Excuses himself to the bathroom or full on skips class just to film a Tiktok

- Has about 100 followers on Instagram Magicam and brags about how he’s famous

- Wears a Thrasher hoodie with large hoop earrings and his hair in a bun

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar:

- The kid who flunked their freshman year that also sort of vibes with new classmates

- Always gets mistaken as a teacher by people since he looks and sounds old

- Knows the lessons but still fails them anyways, didn’t really give a damn either 🙄

- Captain of every sports club you can think of, never actually plays but has a lot of knowledge on them

- Wears the school’s letterman from years ago since it used to be his brother’s and that he’s too lazy to buy a new one

Ruggie Bucchi:

- That one kid who NEVER has money for the book fair or any other school event

- Always has to ask his classmates for some cash

- If he somehow does, then he’s one of those kids who buys Diary of the Wimpy Kid or the World Record books

- If he’s feeling cheap, he’ll buy the “cool stuff” like the chocolate scented calculator or fruit snacks 😭

- Wears oversized hoodies and basketball shorts that are clearly hand-me-downs

Jack Howl:

- That one athletic kid who’s both scary good and competitive when it comes to school games like football or soccer

- Literally the best player on his team and without him, they’re trash as hell 💀

- Tries his absolute best to support his teammates without yelling at them for how dumb they are

- “KICK THE FUCKING BALL! DO YOUR LEGS EVEN WORK?!”

- Wears the school’s jersey just to show off his “school spirit”

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto:

- The kid who sell snacks for “charity” but everyone knows he’s keeping the money to himself

- If you don’t have cash or try to negotiate with him, the only thing he’ll do is raise the price up

- “What do you mean you don’t have ten bucks? I can see it in your pocket.”

- Just bring nothing with you, he’ll doing anything to steal your stuff 🤭

- Wears a collar shirt with a tie and khakis that have pockets to keep his glasses and money in

Jade Leech:

- The kid who puts on a goody two shoes facade but is actually a stoner

- Only does “safe” drugs like vape but occasionally smokes weed, mostly in the bathroom or behind the school 🌬

- Can play it off and hide the scent when he’s high, teachers never suspect anything from him

- No one really cares to stop him unless he gets caught or something idk

- Wears clothing that either makes him look like a businessman or a junky, there’s nothing in between

Floyd Leech:

- The kid that’s plays basketball or volleyball just because he’s hella tall, and is actually good at the sports but doesn’t put much effort into them

- Always stays behind after gym, even though the teacher tries to make him leave for his next class 😬

- “I swear after this one shot, I’ll go to class.” *He never made that shot*

- Will jump you no matter who or where you are, and will get angry if you step on his new shoes

- Wears the jersey of any famous team with the latest pair of Jordan sneakers

Scarabia

Kalim Al Asim:

- VSCO girl at best, don’t lie to me now 🤡

- The only words he knows are “And I oop– sksksk.” and “Save the turtles.”

- Walks during a track meet while everyone else is running and sweating hard, the teacher doesn’t care either

- Doesn’t really do anything in gym but talks to his classmates and stands near the water fountain to refill his Hydro flask

- Wears tie dye shirts with cute scrunchies

Jamil Viper:

- That one quiet kid who everybody thinks is a serial killer but he’s actually not, I swear

- He just wants school to be over and spend the rest of his summer relaxing 😔

- Although he shouldn’t abuse his “power,” he‘ll move his hands in his pockets or backpack to make it look like he’s about to pull a weapon out.

- “Chill, I’m just grabbing a pencil.” *Everyone in the class started crying*

- Wears dark colored hoodies that intimidates people but are actually comfy

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit:

- The baddie popular girl 😌💅✨

- Arrives to school late with a Starbucks in hand from his local Target

- Fixes himself every 5 seconds like reapplying his lipgloss or spraying Bath and Body Works cherry blossom perfume

- Uses acrylic nails and long hair extensions as weapons during a cat fight

- Wears a crop top with ripped jeans and those clout sunglasses

Rook Hunt:

- That creepy guy in the hallways who tries to get your attention, even if you don’t know him

- Scares people when he says, “Ayo, where my hug at?” 🥶💯

- Uses at least 10 cans of Axe body spray a week after gym class, which stinks up the locker rooms

- Waves at you if he passes your class, even walking into the room just to say hi

- Wears literally anything but always include a hat

Epel Felmier:

- The artist girl who just wants to be alone 🧑‍🎨

- Purposely draws in front of you but pretends like you’re not looking

- If you complement him, he’ll just brush it off and proceeds to diss himself

- “Thanks but I’m not THAT good at drawing, teehee.” *Insert Radio Rebel face*

- Wears a hoodie or a cardigan with big pockets to put his art supplies in

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud:

- I don’t even need to tell you who he is, y’all already know ahaha 🥴

- Sneaks a whole PlayStation in his backpack so he can play with it during lunch

- Is on his phone 24/7 even in class to the point where teachers don’t care anymore

- Tries to get people into anime but only to little success

- Wears a shirt of any anime character or that damn ahegao hoodie, girl bye

Ortho Shroud:

- The nerdy kid who’s known for destroying others at many games

- Plays classics like D&D, Yugioh, Pokémon, the whole shabang

- Daily Beyblade battles during recess with everyone surrounding him, the menacing aura radiates off of him

- Will steal your things if you lose to him but gives it back a week later cuz he’s sweet 🥰

- Wears light up Sketchers shoes and those Minecraft shirts you find at Old Navy

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia:

- The theatre kid who also goes to band practice, change my mind 👁👄👁

- Takes his role seriously when it comes to school plays and concerts, even if he gets casted as a damn tree or doesn’t go solo

- Remembers the songs and their lyrics to any musical you name, a really good singer at that too

- Plays almost every instrument, you definitely know this since you can hear him down the hallways during a test

- Wears a white button up shirt, black pants with fancy dress shoes, and top it all off with a fricking Rolex watch

Lilia Vanrouge:

- The weird guy who pranks people and vandalizes school property in every way possible

- If you ever get a textbook with a message that tells you to go to a certain page only for you to found a picture of a dick, yeah that was him 😒

- When using a Chromebook, he’ll leave a tab open on YouTube so when the next person uses it, pray that your ears will still work by tomorrow

- During lunch, he is a literal DEMON that mixes milk with chicken nuggets together and having the audacity to eat it too

- Wears an oversized raincoat or a windbreaker but idk wtf kind of things he has hiding underneath

Silver:

- That guy in class who consumes Monster energy drinks and falls asleep 99% of the time but somehow manages to pass the class 🤷

- Whenever he’s awake, he’ll talk to the teachers since he’s basically friends with them for some reason

- Writes his name out of boredom on any desk you sit on but in different places, sometimes around the corners or the sides

- Has a sixth sense because he’ll wake up if you try to draw on his face and if you did get something on him, it’s on sight

- Wears those colorful hoodies that zips all the way up to cover his face with a matching backpack, it’s pretty cool ngl

Sebek Zigvolt:

- That kid who literally knows everything about historical wars and will show it off during class

- Also has knowledge on weaponry, which has people questioning him but he’s just very dedicated on serving his country and people

- Knows how to fight and defend himself from a bitch since he spent his summer at a military boot camp, put respect on my man’s name 😤

- Honestly a great partner for a group project, actually does the given work but not the whole thing for you

- Wears anything that has camo pattern and chunky combat boots

I only made this because me and my friends were talking about our school memories so yeah. This is based from my experience so they might not be exactly accurate. Might even be a part two if you want.

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eldritchmist · 3 years ago

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Soft asks! All the even numbers 👀 (only if u want ofc o great eldritch misto)

1. what song makes you feel better?

Apocalyptica - Ruska

2. what’s your feel-good movie?

Nightmare before christmas

3. what’s your favorite candle scent?

Lavender, I can literally kill for everything lavender-scented

4. what flower would you like to be given?

Honestly, I don't like flowers very much. For me they are plant-genitals and I found it kindaweird that people give each other another beings genitals. O.o So, give me catnip.

5. who do you feel most you around?

My best friend and my love. Ballet buddies. Theater buddies.

6. say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

physical: eyes, hair and ballet-butt :D

non-physical: creative, honest, determined

7. what color brings you peace?

Black. I have synesthesia since I born and black is the only color I can't hear. That's why I wear always black.

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good.

haha @falasta @roxycake @star-freckled-kitten

9. what calms you down?

ballet, stretching and drawing

10. what’s something you’re excited for?

My next ballet exam O.o

11. what’s your ideal date?

Nothing fancy. Walking somewhere in the nature and talking.

12. how are you?

Happily bleeding (by Placebo)

13. what’s your comfort food?

Dark chocolate :3

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

I LOVE YOU CETTIE!!!!!!!!!

17. fairy lights or LED lights?

Definitely fairy lights.

20. what do you want most in the world right now?

PEACE

22. what would you say to your future self?

It depends, how far the future myself is from now. Maybe I would ask several things.

24. what’s something you do to de-stress?

Ballet, singing or yoga/stretching.

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

Anything what shows that the giving person knows me. Favourite chocolate, book, or just quality time. Once I got a mini handmade Misto for my back to stage debut from a person who literally can't do any handmade stuff. But he cut it, sew it, fluffed it with cotton wool and I cried because of wtf I mean so much for him!

26. what movie would you want to live in?

LOTR - but in peace-times only :D I'm tired of wars...

27. which character would you want to be?

You can be anything you want but if you can be a Mistoffelees, be always Mistoffelees. I could live as Misto in my entire life.

28. hugs or hand-holding?

HUGS!

29. morning, afternoon or night?

NIGHT! I'm a fucking owl. An owl cat.

30. what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

Having cats.

14,19, 23 answered here: https://eldritchmisto.tumblr.com/post/678786689144143872/14-19-and-23-for-the-soft-asks

16,18,21 here: https://eldritchmisto.tumblr.com/post/678553817688735744/16-18-21-for-the-soft-ask

Literally, who the hell will read all this shit?

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feelingofcontent · 4 years ago

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DNP Rewatch: BUCKET OF DOOM with Cat and a Demon

Date video was published: 10/27/2015 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 286

Collab with Cat! DNP appear in several of Cat’s videos, but this is the only main channel video of theirs that she appears in.

0:00 - Phil’s got a few spooky decorations up in the background

0:08 - “I thought we could summon a demon and play a game” is a very Phil sentence

0:15 - Cat is embarrassed at herself. Phil keeps glancing up and to the side so I’m gonna guess Dan was already standing over there in the room.

0:26 - is that better?

0:29 - nice editing from Phil there. Cat is attempting a surprised face but Phil is just giggling.

0:38 - why the hell did they decide Dan need to wear this mask the whole time? why was this the “spooky” theme? I have many questions. They can’t keep straight faces.

0:49 - even a demon has to explain the rules in detail, apparently. 😂 This was before they played board/card games on DAPG. So Dan’s not playing; he’s just there to judge.

1:19 - they keep just...ignoring Cat and having their own side conversations

1:29 - they end up with this same one in the first DAPG Bucket of Doom video

1:37 - on, they’ve changed up the rules. They have to use whatever item they draw instead of choosing from a bunch.

2:02 - lol at the never-ending rock-paper-scissors game

2:19 - “juices” urgh. Dan agrees.

2:22 - Phil gets into the dramatic storytelling

2:33 - lass-oo? Is that how British people say “lasso”? If so I’ve learned something new today.

2:39 - lol Cat with the important questions. She reacted when he said that initially.

2:49 - well that conversation took a turn

3:20 - Phil is not impressed with the wish solution

3:30 - “I thought yours was really stupid” ...look at those offended looks. Why was there a jump-cut after that?

3:35 - yeah, the magical answer is a bit of a cop-out

3:44 - wtf Phil. Phil just wants to touch.

4:06 - I’m surprised they didn’t create or pick spooky/Halloween-themed scenarios.

4:26 - “a seaside donkey” is a very British thing. I bet Cat is confused by that.

4:25 - what is Phil doing with his hand here? 👀 It’s like he went to stroke Dan’s arm and then remembered he’s on camera...

4:46 - DNP are not very impressed with Cat’s solutions

5:10 - Phil’s stories are much more detailed

5:23 - “the staggering misunderstanding of physics in this round...” no kidding but not the most unrealistic thing about these stories really

5:26 - of course Phil is mating with the alien. Of course. 😂

5:53 - “i appreciate your creativity” 🥺 gotta give Phil a compliment if he’s not going to get the win

6:01 - threatening papercuts! Phil does not like to lose

6:11 - I love the look on both Cat and Phil’s face at that twist in the scenario

6:32 - Phil pulling out his questionable-as-usual American accent

6:41 - Dan NO. 😳

6:48 - Cat’s expression every time Phil adds a completely unnecessary detail is great

7:06 - of course the aliens are involved again

7:29 - wtf is this Phil smirk and tiny eyebrow raise

7:40 - Phil is very concerned as to where this is going

8:12 - Phil is displeased

8:22 - “suck my baguette” 😂

8:28 - and then Dan’s “I came from hell, and I’m disgusted” is great

8:38 - Cat just looking on as Dan gets a bit to into that. Also I’m disturbed by Phil’s noises

9:22 - this ending is going on for too long

9:27 - LMAO at “I see everything you do by the way...”

9:37 - they played the 7 second challenge app for Cat’s channel

9:53 - outtake! I love inclusion of bloopers or outtakes. This wasp fact was something Phil told Cat.

This is a fun video that I don’t watch very often. Phil’s stories are so weird and creative!

DNP were still on TATINOF UK when this was posted. I’m guessing they filmed it all the way back in August when Cat was in London for Summer in the City and hung out with them (1, 2). That is a level of pre-planning DNP rarely have.

#dan and phil #dnp #dnpRewatch #amazingphil #daniel howell #phil lester #danisnotonfire #amazingphil videos #BUCKET OF DOOM with Cat and a Demon

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porciavividreams · 3 years ago

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Ok so where are the other demons in modern times do they not care or something... again i ask why didn't the teacher train Towa on her demon powers

Seeing the reunion between the girls and mei makes me want kagome to see her family so bad man

Buyo a demon cat lmao

Omg lmao kagome mom is back with the excuses im crying lol bro 😭 where hojo when you need him

...umm why is towa just talking about demon stuff in the open wtf girl

How did he not know she was a half demon.. she should smell like one and has white hair....

Why is Kirin saying he caused the grim comet im so confused .inuyasha was in the future for like years and he didnt draw it . This comet plot is so werid like are demons created from a comet ..so tht means they are aliens or is it like a group rising from hell

Why isn't towa sword hidden in public?

WHY IS TOWA JUST TALKING ABOUT DEMONS IN PUBLIC.. THIS IS HIDDEN KNOWLEDGE GIRL.

Is Towa sword disappearing and just reappearing at random?

Why not just have Kirinmaru come in and destroy the comet and just comeback? The girls arent strong enough to fight a dam comet at all

Riku just rescue Rion in literally 5 seconds.. why was it that easy man 😮‍💨

THEY STOPPED FIGHTING DEMONS TO WATCH TO WAIT MOE PREFORM THATS DUMB AS HELL WTF NOW THEY ARE ON STAGE WHAT IS THIS SHOW

I dont liken him calling the girls retainers like at all..

#yashahime #inuyasha

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sonybees · 4 years ago

Text

me rewatching dead poets society instead of doing my assignments

i’m not sure if anyone would even care about this but i am really bored soo here we go

neil looks so down when he’s with his father stopdjejdkfjnr

poor todd got forced to stand up i would get pissed eujehd

the best preparatory school? lmfao ok.

KEATING YAY

THE PRESSURE THAT TODD HAS TO GO THROUGH I CAN SEE IT IN HIS EYES HE DOES NOT WANT THIS WTF

poor kids being forced to go there

LMFAO SPAZ

i still don’t know what a stiff means is that even what he said?

OOPS LMFAO

attractive pieces of sht leaning on a door frame help

“keen.” HA

YESSIR USJSJSJ

why does meeks kind of sound like me when i meet someone new

“he flatters me.” LOLSJNDKSHSJJSKSJDC

“i thought you’d gOne.”

freaking hell stfu tom

i’ve always thought this who calls their father “sir” ???

THE LOOK CHARLIE AND KNOX SHARE HDNEJDJF

“BRAIN DAMAGE” HSMEJD

they all look so confused like same

BRO SPAZ LMFAO

their smiles are so cute awwjdnejsnjd

POOR PITTS SHJWJS

MEEKS SMILE WHEN HE SAID AN UNFORTUNATE NAME

DING

“turn cold and die.” damn that took a turn fast

caaaaaarpeeeee dieeeeeem @siezethedaypoets (sorry! sjjejs)

“that means you daLtoN” the way he says it lfmaosjjd

i thought he was gonna do history he pulled out his chem book dhjshdbd

take a breath knox damn

them just not at all understanding math is a mood

too bad :/

AWW THE WXCITEMENT IN PITTS AND MEEKS EYES

“very funny, dalton.” hehehhehehejjdjdjfjrkdn ccmv mf

AWW MEEKS

CHARLIE WTF YOU DRAWING

RIP SHRED TEAR

RIP RIP RIP

oh shit

ahh one of my fav scenes, charlie basically eating that ball of paper

i hate looking at this it’s so awkward like hello mr. mccallister

what will your verse be?

THE MASHED POTATOS

“no, keating.” LMFAO YES GO KEATING

is that stick? on the end of the table?

“don’t come please.”

“no shIt, sherlock.” HA I LOVE THIS GUY

“pittsie, cmon!” “his grades are hurting, charlie.” i literally just love this conversation

“i’ll try anything once.” “except sex!” “ha ha ha.” HSJWJJSND ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAV CONVOS

“WOMEN SWOON HA HA HA” THE EVIL LAUGH WTF SHEJJS

“CHARLIE @tellmewhytheyswoon” SORRY I HAD TO LMFAO

LMFAO SHUT UP WILL YOU

this is so chaotic and messy damn

the treatshsjdj

they’re loud asf

i wonder who’s who while they were running with the hoods

OH CRAP THE SUN IS OUT WHAT that isn’t in the movie sorry

I LOVE MEEKS AND CHARLIE’S RELATIONSHIP SM

i could never take note of the minutes when something happens how will he do that

YESSIR PART TWO

HOW DID PITTS TAKE THE OTHER HALF SO FAST

EVEN TODD KNOWS CAMERONS STORY LMFAO

LMFOA KNOX IS STARING AT THE PICTURE

MEEKS HOOO THEN I SAW THE CONGO CREEPING THROUGH THE BLACK

THE LITTLE BOING NOISE LMFAO WHAT IS THAT

“are you a man or an amoeba?” i’m sorry lol what the hell do you mean sjdjiend

TO WOO WOMEN

“why do i stand up here? anybody?” “@tofeeltaller” HA I LOVE DOING THIS IM SORRY

i would cry if i found out that i had to make a poem AND read it aloud in front of everyone

poor todd thougsjwhidfj

i wanna marry todd. lmfao where did that come from

RADIO FREE AMERICA

AWW THEM DANCING STFU THIS IS SO CUTE

i can’t hear the audio hellloooooojdjwksbdken

AWW we got some anderperry content here

lol i wanna wear their sweaters

:/// TODD

“no.” “no? what do you mean no?” “no.” *smirks* HAJDJDJWKNS

DONT BE IMMATURE

IDK WHERE TF THE INSTRUMENTS CAME FROM BUT I LOVE IT

the birds are so pretty

nice outfit knox

STOP STARING DUDE YOU’RE MAKING IT TOO OBVIOUS CMON

“sounds to me like you’re daunted.” JSJS

TO INDEED BE A GOD

MEEKS AND PITTS WOTH THEIR HEADPHONES ON AWW

“PUCK YOU” LMFAOAJSJJDJ

i bet todd’s poem is actually great

“the cat sat on the mat.” DNDIDHJDJDJDHS i love how keating still said it wasn’t all bad though

BRO DAMN DONT CALL TODD AND I OUT LIKE THAT

lmfao todd’s just hating every second of this

“sweaty toothed madman” i can see that too whatsbjdjdjsn

THIS IS BETTER THAN ANY POEM I EVER TRIED TO WRITE GREAT JOB TODD

NEIL IS AMAZED

when keating pushed their foreheads together wtf aww father son love typa thing that’s so cutejjedujsidj

LMFOA NO KNOX TRIPPED

YAYY GOAL

wtf this seems so fun

“your parents collect pipes? oh that’s really interesting.” LFMAOOAJSJD I LOVE PITTS

poetrusic by charlie dalton

laughing crying mumbling tumbling

DAMN HES GOOD

the little kind of aggressive hair ruffle awwjendn

OOO VOCABULARY

LMFAO THE LITTLE CHUCKLE KNOX DOES

AWW THEYRE ALL SO HAPPY FOR KNOX

THE SCARFSJJD

“exercising my right not to walk.” smartass

it’s todd’s birthday and no one greeted him excpet neil stfukqbxqbcdbkrw

the first unmanned flying desk set yes yes

THEY ALL JUST STOOD UP LMFAO

merlin knox you are DRUNK

PLEASE DONT ISTG KNOX

THATS NOT WHAT HE MEANT BY CARPE DIEM

well you’re in deep trouble now

“it’s God. he says we should have girls at welton.” as much as i love this scene what the hell were you thinking my man

i don’t get how this was legal back then. wtf is it gonna do? you’re just hurting the kids bro

the pain in his eyes stop

“@dangitneil the name’s nuwanda.” pain brokqdb jdjf

CRAP CRAP CRAP MR PERRY GET OUT

the pic of keating’s wife/gf aww

neil you’re gonna make me cry stop

that is so odd why are their lockers like connected from the left side isn’t it usually from the right?

JSKSIJDEIUWKDRUEJSJX CHRIS IS SO DONE NODKDMD

that piece of bread

THIS GUY JUST SHOVED A KID CMON KNOX

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING?”

AWW WHEN TODD MESSED UO CAMERONS HAIR

CHARLIE LMFAO I MENA NUWANDA

KNOX IS DONE W THEM TOO

chris is gorgeous omg

the snow in her hair stop marry me

“you are SO infuriating”

i hate how i’m just completely forgetting what’s gonna happen in like 10 minutes

PUCK

LMFAOTHEM HOLDING DOWN CHARLIE

“he’s really good.” AW YES HE IS FUCSHWMDMD

wait the holding hands is kinda cute thoughsjdnd

bro mr perry is making me want to kill someone maybe him

NEIL’S SMILE IMMEDIATELY WENT AWAY IHATE YOU TOM

damnit you idiot i hate you sm let your son live you bastard

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sobs sobs sobs

merlin neil

IM JUST NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT THIS YK

HA HA HA NOT CRYING

SIGHS AGAIN

DEAR LORD

NO TODD IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY TOO STOP

THEY ALL SEEM LIKE THEYRE IN SHOCK NO

damn everything

SIGH WHY DIDNT I STOP WATCHING? IDFK

“it’s beautiful.” NOFNEJWGHSGEMWGE NEED WH

KEATING NO

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

charlie just sitting down not singing i hate this

i probably should’ve just stopped watching yk but i didn’t but that’s okay i think

i got so pissed the first time they said that they were gonna ask questions like??? did mr perry did no at all realize that it was his fault?

sigh cameron you aren’t always that bad but in this scene i loathe you

NO RICHARD

DAMNIT YOU MADE TODD SNAP

AND CHARLIE SNAPPED TOO YOU JUST MESSED UP TOO MUCH MAN

i hate how it went from a happy dark academia movie to this cmon

todd’s dad is so mean shut up he was just asking a question

it feels so sad in the room i hate it

the empty chairs pls no

keating’s little chuckle man i miss their smiles

BRO SROP THEY LOOK SO SAD TODD ISTG

*GASP OF HAPPINESS IN THE MIDDLE OF CRYING* HUHUHUH

TODD MEEKS STICK SPAZ PITTS KNOX GEORGE? HA I LOVE YALL

and we’re done. damn okay

thanks for reading ig fjdbshsbjwhdjsj

anyways i’m tired goodnight or morning or wtvr thanks! and sorry <3

#dead poets society #dps #tw swearing #tw caps #sofia rambles #sofia watches #sigh #sniffles #HUHUHU

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felestina-stilton · 4 years ago

Note

can you drop any IDW Fugitoid headcanons you have? Or any tmnt IDW hcs, please,,

[SPOLIERS FOR TMNT IDW AHEAD]

Thank you for such a wonderful ask! It makes me sad that IDW Fugie is so underrated. He's my favourite TMNT IDW character, of course I have a lot of headcanons about him and his family (also I'm still learning English so sorry for the bad grammar)

• Zayton Honeycutt is demisexual but as Fugitoid he is aroace

• I imagine him being 5,9 (4'5 as Fugitoid)

• Judging by what I know from reading the comic and Wikipedia, Zayton Honeycutt is probably somewhat 700 years old (which is somewhat 70 in neutrino years). I like to think he's 745 years old (750 in the latest issues because it seems like a lot of time has passed)

• Love the canon Zayton x Marra ship which makes me cry everytime because throughout the whole comic you can clearly see how much Honeycutt misses his wife, man literally sacrificed everything he had for the chance to save his family and got nothing wtf(((

• SAL design was actually based of some of Ely's drawings

• My mom and I thought that Ely Honeycutt and Alphonse Elric (FMA) have something common so now I like to think that their personalitys are kinda similar as well

• Still not sure how the hell SAL's shapeshifting powers work but I'm pretty sure that one big green thing on his chest has something to do with that

• Honeycutt once said that robot form is used for recharging energy so he probably used daytime for the Chet Allen alter-ego and nightime for hiding as a Fugitoid for recharge

• Me and my friend @montgo-mery share a joke headcanon that he occasionally spends his time in the Stockgen's storageroom sklkjfsasgklll

• I just like to think that Honeycutt has never seen a cat before in his life so seeing Old Hob for the first time was surprising for him not because he's a mutant but because he's a kitty (oh, and the time he put sleeping pills in his food or smth like that? he pet him afterwards :3)

• This one is pretty obvious, but I ABSOLUTELY ADORE Fugitoid and Donnie father-son-relationship dynamics. They're FAMILY and you just can't convince me otherwise, seems pretty canon to me ✨💞✨

• The whole arc with "oh that's honeycutt's diary he left it for me"? Yes, I think the other reason Donatello cares so much for Fugitoid is because aside from the science stuff his diary also had a lot of personal information so Donnie just realized how much he suffered

• It seems like Stockman used to think that Chet Allen was a pretty good worker and you can see they worked well together but...yeah, now, after all that happened in "Utrom Empire" and "Attack on Techondrome" their co-workers dynamics are ruined

• After reading the whole "Vengeance" comic I realized that Honeycutt and Harold is my brotp

• honeycutt and felix is my other favourite brotp

• This one is also pretty obvious but Fugitoid clearly has a PTSD and OCD as an aftermath of his traumatic past (he also may have depression. like, there's an issue where he wanted to, quote to quote, destroy himself, for three chapters straight)

• Fugitoid and M'arielle are pretty good friends ngl

• I have a feeling that ?maybe? he knows the timeline after reading that one Beebop and Rocksteady issue?

• After reading issue #93 I got a strong feeling that his life is progressivly getting better and he lives with the royal guard and as far as I get it that's exactly what happened but if not take this as a headcanon bc he deserves good things

• Even if he doesn't show it much, Honeycutt is a great father so yeah I can understand why Mickey thought sending those foster kids to Princess Trib and Fugitoid was a good idea

11 notes · View notes

bausbitch · 5 years ago

Text

I'm sorry

Reid x reader

ANGST AHAHA

Req but @blankets-for-bees

Warnings: kidnapping, established relationship, gunshot, Spencer being an ass at first, also this IS NOT really funny as my other works //read: I'll try because I'm just such a naturally good comedian,,,or a mental asylum escapee,,// 🤩 OH and a happy ending

Spencer had been,,,,

Awfully cold to you

For the last 6 months

Yeah, it was beginning to get on your nerves

It felt like living with a whole ghost 👻

And it wasn't like it was his work

You two had the same job for fucks sake

You even shared a home

But lately

Spencer would ONLY talk to you at work

And only when it was life or death

So basically when hotch paired you two up

And omg

The team

They had no idea

So they insisted you two sleep in the same room on this case

Bc you two are their fav couple!!!!!

But they didn't know that for the last six months

You were practically single

Except you couldn't go anywhere

And you wouldn't go out to flirt with people

Because you were a good s/o

*cough* unlike Spencer *cough*

Ok so this usub

The universe said

Fuck you, yn yln 🤩🤪🤡

This particular unsub

Kidnapped failing couples

And threw them in a house

A giant doll house

And sedated them

And played with them like dolls

And made them kiss and stuff

Idk how to explain it

Like when you were little

And you didn't know you really LIKED liked girls

But you were always making your Frankie and ghoulia monster high dolls kiss in the first grade????

Or like

I think it's like ep 12 season 5

My best friend and I watched that one

Sigh

I miss her

Anyways

When you finally moved rooms

You walked in

And it felt like the weight of the world was lifted

Off of your shoulders

Don't worry the world is still pretty heavy

Issok though the world doesn't have to be a skinny legend

WAIT

This is supposed to be an angst

AHEM

Angsty angst angst

So you were like

Hell yeah

I'm gonna go chill in the jacuzzi

Then I'm gonna come back

And I'm gonna have a level head

Key words: come back

See, I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man

Okokok

So you were vibing in the jacuzzi

Then you saw Spencer

And

Gasp!

A woman that didn't look like any of the girls on the team was going into his room!!

You knew

You were being irrational

But you were like

Son of a bitch >:(

Alexa play jealousy by Monsta x

Anny. W. Ays

You went into the room

Or at least you knocked

And gasp

She answered

She seemed,,,

Suspicious

Probably bc she's the unsub yn you dumb bitch

And you were like

"Hey is Spencer in there?"

Like you WEREN'T his h*cking gf

And she straight up

PUNCHES YOU

Ok more like

Knocks you out with a blow to the face

And draws you inside

Ok now Spencers pov bc you're getting too much attention and he needs an explanation for making me play jealousy

Spencer

Oh god that I don't believe in how do I explain him

He was having a tough time

Ok wbk he's smart as hell

But when I comes to people who are FINE

Such as yourself

He gets a lil

*Patrick star from Spongebob noises*

Even if you guys had literally been dating for like

Five? Six? Years

He was starting to get scared

Ok so you guys had said the L world

You said it all the time

But

Spencer

He wanted to propose to you

On one knee

Ring and everything

But he was scared

He was really really scared

Bc he wouldn't know what to do if you said no

Which

Why would you

You two were practically already married

You literally had a drunken, unofficial ceremony at Rossi's place one time

But he felt like

You wouldn't be ready

So he was like

Ok gotta set up a back up plan

If they reject me

And I have to go to work and see them

How do I not see them

How do I live without them?

I ignore them

😌

Plan: set

Spencer : fucking idiot

SO HE

He acted like you weren't there

And he eventually thought you were mad at him

Bc you weren't reaching out any more

Dumb bitch they think YOU'RE mad at them

Okokokok

Back to kidnapping

When he woke up

He was,,,,

*drum roll*

In a house?

A really nice house

Or at least the bedroom was nice

Or the roof of it

And what he could see from his peripheral vision

He could see you though

He could feel you

You were laying on his chest

Your arms around him

And he could tell you were still asleep

His serotonin levels went up higher than they had in months

Over the last six months he hadn't said a word

And he'd let you sleep on the couch

Smh and I thought he was a genius

But he missed you

But he had to make sure he was ready

To be honest

He probably knew what he was doing was irrational and the definition of idiotic

He also knew that by doing this he was maximising his chances of you not wanting to marry him

But he just

"Y'all hear smth?" -Spencer Reid, about his problems

Annie Oakley

Anyways

While he was too busy making heart eyes at your sleeping figure

Ya boy forgot to check if he could move

Turns out,,,,

He couldn't

Bc,,,,

*puts hands together like cat in the hat does*

This unsub, like I said before

SEDATED YOU TWO

So he waited

Until

The woman he unwillingly let into his hotel room, all by the service of a gun and a threat to his life 😄

Came and did whatever the fuck she was gonna do

Play with you guys more than my 6th grade crush played with my heart

And she did😋🥳🤩!!!!

But don't fret

She wasn't gonna hurt you

You had actually concluded the deaths were accidental

Just like me

Okoko so

She was strong

Like really fucking strong

Because she hauled both you and Spence

Into a little dining room

And served and fed you breakfast

You were connected to iv tubes

But still

But everything

The creepiest detail

According to me at least 💁✨

Was how all the food and everything

Were wood

Toys for kids

Or something karuna satori would use in an asmr video

You woke up in the middle of,,,

Watching a movie on the couch with Spencer????

It was still daytime

Or so you thought

Bc the unsub pulled up

WITH A GUN

You don't have many things in life rn, but here's a list if things you do have, to cheer you up 😋

A lovely hole in your arm! V v useful for holding very small, thin, cups!!!

A v sad Spencer Reid! Comes with his own tears and despair!!! How fun!

And last but not least!

A wonderful speech from our sponsor!! //read: the unsub//

"Why must everything bad always happen to me! You two are very bad dolls! No one is a good doll, you're all useless and now I have to kill you >:("

Lmfao why does she sound like my bratty baby cousin

Anyways

"The FBI is at the door! Which one of you called them? You whore! It was probably you!"

First of all,,, how dare she

You didn't even THINK about other men in the 6 months your boyFRIEND ghosted you

Jokes on her

Second of all

You were bleeding out and Spencer was wiggling behind you

Probably a victory dance smh 😤

But then

GASP!!!

she went upstairs 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

And you heard voices

Morgan!!! Hotch!!! *insert police's name*!!

Then you passed out bc

💥bloodloss💥

And when you woke up

Spencer was fine

Physically

But he was hunched over

"Yn I'm so sorry. I love you so much and I was so scared I'd lose you if I proposed too early, and now I'm probably going to lose you without even saying a word. Honey I love you, I love you so much-"

And you were like

Hold up

LET GO OF MY HAND MF YOU MAY BE SKINNY BUT YOUR STRONG WTF

Then

"Did you say purpose?"

And he was like

"Yes(?) "

And you kissed him for the first time in sixth months

"Yes I'll marry, now let go of my hand"

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #aaron hotch hotchner #agent hotchner #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #jj #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x oc

185 notes · View notes

wyverndragonborn · 4 years ago

Text

RAMSHACKLE INCORRECT QUOTES/MEME DUMP

[Ramshackle is a series belonging to the amazing @zeddyzi , there are also AUs and OCs included in this memedump

Lawful!Avrille: is your hand stuck in the vending machine?

Maroon: I paid for my chips, I am getting my chips 😠

Tre: what is the worst thing to say at a funeral?

Maroon: you can't spell funeral without fun?

Tre: ...I'm just gonna ignore that you said that

Avrille: hey guys welcome to my unboxing video!

Tre: what the fuck?!

Maroon: *stifled laughter*

Vinnie: why are you calling me this late?

Tre: I need your help I've done something bad...

Vinnie: okay put the corpse on ice I'm on my way-

Tre: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK ID KILL SOMEONE

Stone: Hey Vinnie, could you read page 15

Vinnie: no I cannot 🎶 waddup, I'm Vinnie, I'm 15, and I never fuckin learned how to read 🎶

Stone: *gets everything from the soda thing* (idfk what it's called) fuck you

When Stone was confirmed demisexual

Stone: is there anything better than [REDACTED]? YES, a really good book

(This one is a whole skit)

Responsible adult: I want complete silence while I'm gone

Vinnie: screaming

Skipp: random noise

Cen: shush shush, who knows the answer to question 2

Rigel: I put 18.5

Vinnie: no, it's 84

Tre: no its not you stupid trout, it's 5

Skipp: relax, let's ask the smart one here, Stone?

Stone: you morons, the answer is Thailand, this is geography

Tre: hm, I thought it was math

Vinnie: forget it, I dont even need school, I'm gonna be the WAW champion

Stone: what?

Vinnie: world arm wrestling champion, I could beat anybody

Maroon: oh you couldn't beat an egg

Vinnie: well that's some big talk for someone who walks around with that stupid hat on all day

Maroon: alright then fight me

Avrille: FIIIIGGGHTT

Maroon: give up

Vinnie: no, you give up

Skipp: I'm gonna draw [REDACTED] on the board

Avrille: I'm gonna BURN THE CLASSROOM DOWN

Responsible adult: alright everybo- STOOOPPP

Stone: I want to move classes sir

Maroon: Avrille don't you have something to say to Stone?

Avrille: I'm sorry I threw a potion at you

Maroon: Stone?

Stone: I'm sorry you're my sibling

Now: ships play fnaf

Maroon: screaming

Avrille: CALM DOWN AND CLOSE THE DOOR PLEASE

Avrille after gameplay: I was just as scared if not more, I just keep it inside and use it to be louder when giving suggestions on what to do

Vinnie: you need to check on the pirate guy

Tre: that's what I'm doing!

Vinnie: no you aren't the curtain thing is open what does it say on the sign?

Tre: it's me or something?

Vinnie: IT MEANS HE'S COMING FOR YOUR BOOTY. CLOSE THE DOOR

Tre: tries to close the door but gets jumpscared I-I am done I'm not playing this game anymore with or without you I'm not doing it anymore screw this game!

Vinnie: pff scaredy cat

Stone: seeing one of the animations move for the first time: NOPE

Skipp: it's okay, they won't hurt you, yet

Stone: YET?!?

Stone: *sees Glitchtrap for the first time* WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!!

Phone guy: starts talking

Avrille: eh, just skip it

Maroon: no, this could be invaluable information

Phone guy: gets attacked

Maroon: HOLY FUCK

Avrille: *facepalm*

*end of fnaf unit*

Avrille: what are you doing?

Maroon: I'm making holy water

Avrille: how is that making holy water

Maroon: I'm boiling the Hell out of it

Outlaw!Maroon: you're not afraid of being left alone in your house, you're afraid that you're not actually alone

Avrille: ...wtf

Maroon: Tre go put those corn dogs back

Tre: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING

Introducing: Serpent, my oc

Stone: I'm scared Serpent

Serpent: do you trust me Stone?

Stone: yes

Serpent: RULE NUMBER ONE NEVER TRUST ANYBODY

Serpent (at Vinnie): let's tell each other a secret about ourselves. I'll go first. I, hate you.

Serpent: GET THE F OFF MY YARD

Cen and Rigel carrying a giant paper f: *gas gas gas meme intensifies*

News person: citizens are advised to stay off roadways unless absolutely, positively, necessary

Serpent: I wanted chocolate

Maroon: I don't wanna be cool anymore yeets sunglasses

Sunglasses: come flying back

Maroon: Well I guess I don't have a choice 😎

Maroon: swear words are illegal now, if you say one you'll be fined

Avrille: heck

Maroon: you're on thin fucking ice

Maroon: oh no

Introducing: Bucket (I don't know the tumblr of her creator TwT)

Bucket: chillax

Serpent: that's not a word

Bucket: sometimes the ones who deny chillax are the ones who need to chillaz the most

Introducing: Doris, an oc by @automaticpartycashshoe

*After a fight*

Maroon: what happened here?!

Serpent: play dumb

Doris: who's Doris

Serpent: not /that/ dumb

#ramshackle #incorrect quotes

11 notes · View notes

spencerspecifics · 5 years ago

Text

Okay i got this idea while talking to @criminalmindsvibez earlier and I just h a d to write it out

Imagine: the team taking one of those “teamwork building” days during the fall and Hotch has no clue what the team could do together to build their teamwork morale because they’ve literally had to save each other from murderers in a time sensitive manner so like??? Wtf are they supposed to do? Solve a jigsaw puzzle? So Garcia gets the task of figuring out what to do and she decides pumpkin patch/corn maze because fuck it. It’s fall.

-they get to the pumpkin patch, immediately Rossi is like “I don’t need to buy a pumpkin. It’ll end up rotting on my doorstep”

- Garcia points out that doesn’t help the team morale so he better quiet down

-he shuts up, they get inside the farm area and the entire team is just sorta standing around cuz when is the last time any of them went to a patch??? They aren’t sure of where to start. There’s stands that sell apple cider and hot coco and kettle corn and there’s some hinky dinky country music playing in the background. It’s nice but they have no clue where to start

-Garcia decides to take over, because fuck it, she got put in charge of this, and Hotchner looks like a fish out of water. Put him in a beauracratic setting and the man knows how to operate, but this? He looks so lost, it’s almost funny. Garcia’ll command this group of idiot life savers.

- she decides the team should start in the corn maze, that sorta helps the team morale. They gotta find a way to get out, after all. Spencer doesn’t want to go in until he sees a map of it, though, so he can check where they are. So they have to awkwardly go to an employee and ask where the map of the corn maze is located

-Derek finds it in a pamphlet that the employee handed to him, he gave it over to Spencer, who gladly accepts it and stares at it for what feels like two seconds before being like “ok let’s go”

-even though finding that damn map took like ten minutes because the pumpkin patch has so many customers so employees are all over the place. So everyone is like “goddamnit dude” at spencer before moving ahead into the maze

- Derek and Garcia take the lead, Spencer in the middle, then J.J. and Emily towards the back, with Hotch and Rossi in the very back.

-Hotch doesn’t wanna have to take charge of how to get through the maze unless absolutely necessary

-J.J. and Emily just end up having some very much needed girl talk while Garcia and Derek bicker about which way to go

- “Get a babysitter so we can have a girls night” “I’ll do that when you call that hot british dude that you met at the bar last week back” “I don’t need him. I have Sergio.” “Cats don’t replace real relationships with people, emily.”

-meanwhile Derek and Garcia aren’t sure which way to go. “Let’s take a left.” “No, we just went that way. We should take a right.” “That just keeps us in the middle, doll ” “isn’t that what we want?!”

-Meanwhile, the entire time, Spencer has been thinking of the turns and loops and steps they’ve taken and calculated exactly where within the maze they are based on the map

-Eventually Spencer takes charge, after Derek made them take two dead end turns, “Guys- no, we’re towards the edge of the maze. The quickest way to the end is through the center, so we need to go back and take two rights, then a left.”

-Hotch and Rossi are just walking through in silence for the most part, taking in the scenery around them. The crisp autumn air, it’s nice. They do break their silence for conversations. They speak about Jack’s upcoming soccer game, and how tiring it can be to work with children.

- “I’ve never been more grateful that my three ex wives and I never ended up with kids- god, it’s enough going to see Jack’s stuff and help coach the team.” “You have no obligation to show up if you don’t want to, Dave. If it’s too much I understand.” “Aaron, I would rather get arrested for a murder I didn’t commit and convicted before leaving Jack’s games.”

-Garcia ends up falling back with the girls, where the conversation shifts to Prentiss talking about how much the corn maze reminds her of the children of the corn movie

-“ew! Why did you have to say that! All their parents end up dead! That’s so sad!” “Garcia, it’s the corn that reminds me of the movie” “Well duh- we’re in a cornfield! But don’t think about that movie. Think about something nicer.”

-Prentiss is drawing a blank on nice fall themed things, so J.J. pipes up with “what about that Charlie Brown movie?” Garcia points out that doesn’t take place in a corn field

-“well. Only corn field movie that’s coming to mind is children of the corn.” So emily continues to talk a bit about it to J.J., all while making Garcia want to run away because “Ew no it’s such a sad movie! Let’s talk about something nicer!”

-Meanwhile Derek and Spencer are solely up front, Spencer is using that big dumptruck of a brain of his to know exactly which turns to take. Derek’s just walking alongside him, trying to weasel from flirting into conversation casually

-“how about after this I get you some cider, pretty boy?” “Do you know cider on average has to ferment for fifteen days?” Spencer isn’t really listening, if that isn’t already obvious. He heard what Derek said, but he’s just thinking of every next twist and turn they have to take to get out. So he isn’t very conversative

-meanwhile the girls have changed conversation topics to what kind of pumpkins J.J. should get Henry (this conversation change was obviously brought on by Garcia) “you should get him a cute tiny one! That would be so adorable” emily on the other hand is saying to get one bigger than him “wouldn’t it be funny to have a pumpkin taller than henry?”

-J.J. doesn’t know which size pumpkin she’ll get for Henry. But she lets emily and Garcia sway her opinion in both directions, because a comically large pumpkin would be funny. But one as small as Henry would be adorable

-meanwhile the old men duo in the back are still just enjoying their walk. Hotch had mentioned how Jack would’ve loved to come to the patch, before silence fell over them again. Rossi asked a few moments later if Hotch knows if jack’s school would be taking a field trip to the patch, “I’m not sure. I’m assuming they will.” Rossi doesn’t say anything more, but he secretly plans on double checking that, emailing the school, and explaining that he and Hotch would like to be volunteers on the trip. He’d like to see that happen.

-Derek hasn’t fully given up on his flirting game with Spencer. But he’s holding off for now, as Spencer is way too focused on the maze layout. So much so that he started mapping out in his mind where the best spot to place a body would be as an unsub. “If someone was to drop a body in here- the ideal location would be the upper left sides second dead end. Geographically, it’s the farthest point from landmarks and least traveled area within the maze.”

-Garcia hears that and butts in, “No murder talk! No dead body talk- there is no dead body! Today is supposed to be a good day! Shut off your brain for one day, Spencer”

-Spencer doesn’t say anything more about the best spot within the maze to dump a body, though Derek is sure Spencer is bored and thinking out a billion separate scenarios within the maze. Mazes were good for hiding and concealing things, after all

-Garcia accidentally mishears Spencer’s directions of “turn left” and she walks directly into the wall of corn that the maze is made out of

-the team all stops for a second to help her untangle herself out of that before promptly laughing at her

-ok Derek and emily laugh the most, emily tells her to steal an ear of corn “It’s not like they’d miss it. It could be compensation for running into it”. J.J. and Spencer sorta stand there chuckling a lil bit, Hotch and Rossi are more like “as long as you’re all good we should continue on” but they had little smiles on their faces too

-They finally get out! The employees at the exit are like “good job, that was very fast!” And everyone on the team is like “thanks we tried” meanwhile Spencer is standing there thinking “no y’all didn’t I did it cuz I memorized the maze smh”

-the team stays as a unit after that. It wasn’t on purpose, but they all had the same thing in mind, the pumpkin patch

-they walk over there, it’s not too far, immediately Spencer makes his way over to the large containers of pre-picked pumpkins, gourds, thise tiny as hell pumpkins, those white pumpkins, and those red pumpkins. He’s one second away from grabbing a pumpkin at random from the container so he can grab a pumpkin and go, when Derek is like “Hey man what are you doing? You’re not picking from the patch”

-Spencer then has to awkwardly explain how the only times he ever went to the pumpkin patch was in elementary school before he skipped ahead grade wise and the kids in his class made fun of him that day really bad. Like they called him names and left him “trapped” in the corn field (tho he had seen a map and was able to figure his way out easily that time.) and so whenever he has to buy a pumpkin he just gets them from the grocery store because he gets anxious at the thought of coming to a pumpkin patch

-immediately the entire team is like “wtf man you should’ve told us!!! Do you want to leave??? We should leave” and Garcia is immediately like “Spencer I am so sorry oh my god I didn’t know” and he has to sorta awkwardly be like “No it’s ok. I wanted to come. I want to try and get a better memory than last time.”

-Derek pats him on the back for that, “You’ll get much better memories this time, I promise. But let’s get a pumpkin from the actual patch instead of from these containers”

- Derek makes it his soul mission to make sure spencer now has an amazing time in the pumpkin patch. So he stays with him the entire time as they walk around, inspecting pumpkins for just the right one

-meanwhile the girls are looking at the biggest pumpkins possible. Namely Prentiss, she wants to get a big one. “Can you even out that out front of your apartment door?” “I don’t know but I’ll make sure it stays until it rots”

-Hotchner is busy looking for a pumpkin he could bring home for jack to carve, though he does guess that jack would be making his way to the pumpkin patch with his class too. It couldn’t hurt to have a third pumpkin to carve.

-Rossi doesn’t want a pumpkin, he’s already decided that they’re messy and smelly and he doesn’t even like pumpkin seeds or pumpkin pie enough to warrant the mess of cutting and getting the pumpkin guts out. So he just stands and watches

-Garcia notices that immediately and is so not happy with that “you’re serious about not getting a pumpkin?” “I told ya” “ughhh Rossi- you could get a tiny one!” “I don’t wanna carve and deal with a mess” “you don’t have to carve a tiny one!”

-“what’re you thinking pretty boy?” Derek asked Spencer, who had been staring down the same pumpkin for like two minutes, which was definitely unusual. Spencer doesn’t answer, leaning down and picking the pumpkin up instead. “Does it have any abrasions on it?” He asked Derek, as he turns it over in his hands to inspect it. “Not that I can see, no”

-Spencer decides on this pumpkin, and they find some wheelbarrows provided by the farm to put his pumpkin in, they give Hotch the duty of rolling the wheelbarrow around as they meander away from the rest of the group

-Spencer then is like “oh shit. Wait Derek. Your pumpkin. We need to find you one.” Derek just laughs a little bit and is like “I’ll find one lol but you gotta come with me” so Spencer agrees as they go to find one for Derek

-Garcia ends up nearby the tiny pumpkins, deciding to buy at least three to litter her front doorstep with

-she is so distracted she doesn’t even realize rossi making his way over. “You’re right. Those ones are way too small to carve.” He says, she just agrees, “Yes, so you should get some!! C’mon. Get that festive spirit.”

-Hotch shows up pushing the wheelbarrow from behind, listening to the tail end of rossi and Garcia’s bickering match. “You should get some, Dave. It would look nice.”

-That makes rossi cave. He mumbles out a “fine. The things I do for you all, I swear” before picking two up and putting them in the wheelbarrow, next to Spencer’s pumpkin.

-Garcia is b e a m I n g she is very happy with the fact she got this fall grinch into getting a pumpkin. So much so that she ends up getting a fourth tiny one, because damnit they’re too adorable.

-Hotchner still hasn’t found a pumpkin for him and for jack so he’s standing in the patch, still surveying like a lost old man. Garcia and Rossi end up helping him.

-Meanwhile J.J. and emily are looking through the medium sized pumpkins to find something for will and Henry. “I’m thinking a medium sized one, because then it’s sort of a mix of what you and Garcia said.” J.J. explained to Prentiss, who nodded along in agreement.

-the team is all pretty quiet at this point as they try to find their own pumpkins. Derek finds his, a large one that’s very vertically elongated. He takes it back to the wheelbarrow, with Spencer trailing along behind him.

-Hotch finds two round, smaller sized pumpkins. And he decides that those are his, they look great and would be easy enough to carve, so he grabs them up, getting them back into the wheelbarrow

-J.J. finds a medium sized pumpkin for Henry, and two smaller ones for her and will. Meanwhile Prentiss is like “Hey Jayge that Charlie Brown movie is applicable now since we’re in a pumpkin patch” Garcia hears that and is like “y e s good fall vibes yes”

-they finish up in the patch, everyone putting their pumpkins into the wheelbarrow as they head towards the checkout

-Derek pays for Spencer’s pumpkin, saying it’s not a problem

-Spencer literally can’t stop blushing at that even tho it’s the most mundane thing e v e r and it’s adorable

-the team gets their pumpkins sorted and paid, before taking the wheelbarrow back towards the stands that sell cider and hot coco and kettle corn.

-the girls go off to get hot chocolate, Dave and Rossi go to get some bags of kettle corn, and Derek and Spencer go get cider

-“If you make hot coco with anything but milk, it’s evil” “emily what about lactose intolerant people who use water?” “They’re on thin ice.”

-Spencer thanks Derek like five times in a row for helping him get a pumpkin and buying it “you didn’t have to-“ “you better stop talking before I buy you a cider too, pretty boy”

-Derek does buy him a cider in the end, which isn’t any surprise

-Dave and Hotch argue over which type of kettle corn is the best. “It’s caramel, Aaron. Why on earth would cheddar kettle corn be good?” “It’s savory as opposed to sweet, it’s better” “That doesn’t matter if it tastes bad!”

-Garcia ends up coaxing the hot coco barista lady into adding a shit ton of extra chocolate sauce and stuff to her drink

-so much so that it’s literally too sweet for her but she dug her grave she will fuckin lie in it like a winner

-J.J. and emily immediately make fun of her, “I can see the regret in your eyes!”

-the team finishes up buying their drinks, pushing the wheelbarrow out to the parking lot.

-“See, not so bad for a team morale building day after all!” Garcia says happily, she’s glad her idea was a success

-it was. The team is happy, they got hot sweet drinks and bags of delicious food, not to mention a shit ton of pumpkins they shove into the trunk of the SUV

-Spencer’s happy he made new memories at the pumpkin patch, Derek was just happy to help build those for him.

-Garcia’s happy her day went so well, emily is glad she got a pumpkin to carve, J.J.’s happy she got good pumpkins for will and Henry, Hotch is happy that he’s not stuck in a stuffy office building in an uncomfortable suit talking about another murder investigation, and Rossi is happy to be with his found family on a day out

-it was a good day at the pumpkin patch :)

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