#i actually don't mind if i do get rejected in other projects

[ruiiplume]

Man! So far, my zine experience has been WAY better than what I've tried 6 years ago

[waltj]

I was trying to figure out why this scene, which is so short and has no dialogue, stuck with me, so I thought I'd make an attempt.

To me, it's evocative of the kind of raw fragility you feel after a traumatic experience. Everything feels quieter, somehow. Your goal becomes simply to get from one moment to the next. Fresh off the death of Jane, Jesse's priority is just... survival. It's in his bare, shaven skin. His raw eyes. His unreadable expression. His gentle, cautious hands.

Of course, the act of planting a flower is symbolic of starting from the ground up, re-learning to take care of a living thing, of yourself. There's a bittersweetness in that. He's been forced back to the basics of taking care of himself. This is simple; something you might do as a kid in class. This is a task he's being given that he - someone like him - can do. The script notes that "he'd make a pretty good gardener if he put his mind to it."

Jesse's second priority is learning to navigate what he actually values in this new state of survival, now that he's not actively killing himself. He makes the decision to accept this kind of trivial task into his life, to quietly make a good job of it. In that, I see Jesse's resolve to accept who he is: the "bad guy" who can't change, and is resigned to just keep trucking along. Plant the flower. Do things for the sake of doing them, even though you don't see the point. Jesse in S1 might find this demeaning, or blow it off, fight it as a way to reject other people's expectations of him and assert the image of himself that he wants to project. S3 Jesse has no option left but to accept this into his life. To make of it what he can.

[jinsoulfromlewna]

𝗣𝗬𝗥𝗔𝗠𝗜𝗗 𝗚𝗔𝗠𝗘'𝗦 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎

𝗌𝗒𝗉𝗇𝗈𝗌𝗂𝗌 how the pyramid game characters show they're undying love for you! as subtle as it may be or as obvious as possible

𝖺/n god this kdrama is SOO good! i know it's a bit new but i got sad at the lack of fics ;(

btw, eunjueng n yerim don't like eachother here (boooo!!)

S𝖴𝖭𝖦 𝖲𝖮𝖮-𝖩𝖨

this main characters almost curses herself for falling in love with you! i mean, sure, you're talented, nice.. amazing.. pretty.. but she's trying to destroy the pyramid game! and you're distracting her so much. maybe talking to you and sitting next to you in half of your classes will help, yeah!

she sweats, trying to start any small talk with you. of course, it's not obvious at all. sooji has a talent of acting calm and stuff. when she asks you the time, and you turn on your phone to reveal the time and coincidentally, what song your headphones are playing, she quickly makes a conversation with you about the artist. you quickly become friends.

but like.. it's just for you to join them in defeating the game! at least that's what she tells jaeun.

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𝖬𝖸𝖤𝖮𝖭𝖦 𝖩𝖠-𝖤𝖴𝖭

ja-eun has always liked you, you were the only reason she kinda.. stayed alive during her continuous years of being grade F. you (mostly) always stayed in grade C but even if you moved into D, or even F, you were always with her. one time, you actually moved into the F grade with her and she won't ever forget how you giggled on the floor with her after getting beat up.

she hated that moment, but loved seeing you giggling over the saddest things, really.

she always admired you a lot, and that special friendship slowly turned into love. she would feel special as you reject your other, more popular, friends to eat with the school's outcast.

you were one of the first people she brought home, and you even called her mom once! though, it hurt when you introduced yourself as her friend. she wanted to be more, so, so badly.

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𝖡𝖠𝖤𝖪 𝖧𝖠-𝖱𝖨𝖭

harin never really.. liked you. you thought, because she would always stare at you with that lifeless, shiver inducing stare. you never really understood why everyone liked her so much because of this.

but it was all wrong, harin liked you a whole lot. but god knows she would rather die than admit that. she's secretly praying for the day you confess your secret love for her, as you ramble how you were too shy to say so because she's so rich and popular and pretty, and then she interrupts you with a kiss and-

"ha-rin! c'mon, let's go to lunch!"

ugh. well, fantasies aside, you were already hers the moment she stared into those beautiful orbs of yours.

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𝖨𝖬 𝖸𝖤-𝖱𝖨𝖬

this idol trainee has always been head over heels for you since you two met! she found you very interesting to say the least, and having lunch with you and eunjeong has.. made her realize some things. like her sexuality

but she brushes it off, not wanting to ruin the friendship you have. to show her love (in a normal, 100% platonic way) constantly buys you stuff like snacks you seem to enjoy, or gifts you might like. she also invites you on shopping sprees, on "friend dates", or to her house to have a sleepover together! or yours, she wouldn't mind either

just be careful when ogling something you want or even show the minimum interest in when on a hangout with her, because you will find it on your desk the day after. maybe with a letter... a flower or two.. or a dozen..

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𝖲𝖤𝖮 𝖣𝖮-𝖠𝖧

probably the hardest to catch on to. she's a bit cold and tough to crack but after she realizes the tad crush she has on you, it'll be easier to talk with her. if you're lucky you might even get a moment of her smiling!

she always pressures you to study for finals or midterms, well, exams in general. she video calls you sometimes but like, just to be sure you're doing that project due thursday at first period, not because she wants to see that cute little face of yours- i mean, what?

even after all that pressure from her to study, you don't do it as much as she does, so when the teacher isn't looking you whisper into her ear. "do-ah, what's the answer to number 17?" and while she usually never replies when it's someone else, she can make an excuse for you. "a." she whispers back.

after the exam results, you two walk out of school together, you were going to say farewell but she interrupts you. "hey. you owe me for giving you the answer." do-ah was never the one to do things like that, but you complied. "how about a dat- uh, a hangout at a restaurant o-or the movies?" you smiled. getting close to her, you whisper in her ear. "to a restaurant, ey? hehe, a date it is."

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𝖡𝖠𝖭𝖦 𝖶𝖮𝖮-𝖩𝖨

this cutesy girl had the biggest friend crush on you since you met! i mean you were so pretty and kind, who wouldn't wanna be your friend?! she'd try and eat lunch with you everyday, she'd sit next to you whenever she can (in and out of class) and just really tries to spend time with you whenever she can!

as you get more used to her being all over you all the time, you give in and accept being her friend. i mean, it's not like you ignored her but you kinda thought she was weird and stuff. yet now, she's one of your best friends!

she's with you at all times, and you were there for her when baek ha-rin yelled at her and you were there when she didn't have anyone. when you hugged her, and said everything was going to be okay, wiping her tears as you stared into her eyes, she knew you were the one.

the one for her. she smiled. <3

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𝖪𝖨𝖬 𝖣𝖠-𝖸𝖤𝖮𝖭

while she's an absolute bitch to everyone else, that changes completely when you're around. she even gets a bit lively, but obviously she's still super mean, in a teasing way!!

she hooks an arm around your shoulder as you two walk together to class, cutting off anyone who wants to try and flirt with you. whenever she's bullying a grade F, just tell her to hangout with you, especially in that tone when she can tell you're sad about her actions, she'll leave them alone immediately.

you're one of the only people she goes to so she can vent and stuff, a lot of times she goes to your house (when your parents aren't around, obviously) and smokes or drinks liquor as she talks about her problems. you're a real comfort for her, well, your presence in general is.

if you ever get into grade F (unlikely, because she has like over half the class threatened to vote for you plus your friends and her), let's say the 'bullying' is a bit different. you guys are just friends, yeah, but she still teases you by saying stuff like how about you give me a kiss?

and well, who are you to reject what a grade A says, right?

written by @jinsoulfromlewna. please do not repost or translate without consent.

[drdemonprince]

In reading your latest piece, I think I've stumbled onto something akin to a personal epiphany. You describe transition as an act of "want" (Chu's longing for gossip and yours for the life of an eternal bachelor) and I've realized that I think as a consequence of growing up autistic, I've obliterated the concept of personal want. I don't know if I truly ever want anything? How do I even know what I truly want (versus what other people tell me I should want)? Is there an opposite of resentment I can tune into so I can tell what I want when my conscious mind is unable to provide me an answer?

I think the place is to start with what you don't want. What I describe as "wanting the bachelor life forever" in my piece is actually a desire born out of negation: I don't want kids, I don't want marriage, I don't want responsible adulthood and the weight that that carries, I want to feel free-roaming and open to random experiences. What i knew most viscerally for myself was what felt wrong, and owning up to those feelings no matter how socially inconvenient they might be was what made it possible for me to articulate what I proactively did find desirable.

I recommend rejecting a lot of things, disappointing a lot of people, being disobedient, setting boundaries, all of that stuff that I have been writing about for a very long time (check out the pieces on those subjects if you haven't already, but from the sound of it you probably have). And then when it comes to positively desiring things, you've got to start small. Find a little thing to look forward to every day, or every week. In my household, Wednesdays and Fridays are Dunkin Donuts days. Instead of making coffee at home, you get a little treat. That makes getting a coffee out of the house still feel precious and special while also making it attainable, and gives the work week a little horizon to peak over at its mid point.

I so look forward to the weekly streams on Friday with @testdevice, too. Afterward I usually get a meal somewhere and then go out for some kind of weekend activity -- drinking and watching Drag Race at Roscoe's, a movie, dancing, whatever. I make forming plans for the weekend a task I set out for myself at the top of every week. I find street festivals, concerts, craft fairs, protests, little things to do that I know will be meaningful to me. Small pleasures parceled out on a regular schedule provide a pleasing structure to life. It makes the forward march of time feel more exciting and keeps daily life from being defined by obligation and drudgery. Sometimes it's something like playing a video game at home or meeting up at a friend's house for a movie night and snacks. However you can swing it, you gotta have little things to look forward to, I think, in order to enjoy being alive and to get into the habit of thinking more expansively about what you want. you can making finding things that you want to do a regular project, a practice.

A lot of life is experimenting with new experiences and relationships with other people to find out what you actually like. It's not some profound act of introspection. People block themselves off from a lot of meaningful aspects of life by thinking the answers come from plumbing the depths of their soul and finding their true calling or true desire divorced from everything else. There is no self outside of experience and social connection.

And so the best way to find out what you want is to try a lot of different things. Go watch your friend at their competitive poker tournament. Volunteer to clean litter off the beach. Foster a bunny rabbit. Make a casserole. Darn a sock. Buy some handmade jewelry. Visit a museum with a coworker you kinda might like the company of. Invite someone over for dinner. How it plays out and how you feel about it is all data about the kind of person you are becoming.

I also wouldn't get too bogged down in the idea that wants can only come from the pursuit of happiness. I got a few really well intentioned asks this week that I never answered about what brings me joy, what makes me happy. Truth is, I'm not someone who experiences happiness easily and i might never be. That is okay. I still have a life that holds meaning because I AM very good at finding things interesting. i like talking to people, learning from them, watching things play out in real time.

You don't have to feel some kind of abiding soul connection to an activity or sense that a way of life will absolutely make you happy in order for it to interest you, help you grow, bring your life meaning. Other people might not want to read long history books about genocide and the social construction of race in order to bring their life pleasure, but those activities engage my mind and make me feel more firmly rooted in the actual world. they're interesting and rewarding to study, and so i do it. i say yes to a lot of invitations purely because i've never seen what horse racing is like or because i want to see if i'll still get nauseated if i ride a boat now as an adult. it's interesting. it might not make me happy or be fun. but i like a life better with those experiences. those are the things i gravitate to and want. and you can find what you want, too, and it will always keep changing probably.

[sokosmic]

Tarot Messages:

Your Future Spouse 🌿

Take a moment to focus on the 3 images above. As you look at each image, focus on the details and pay attention to what type of feelings/thoughts that come up. Tune into the one that draws you in the most. That image holds a message about your future spouse. Read more below...

IMAGE 1

If you chose Image #1, I see a spouse that is very spontaneous and youthful. They are creative and maybe artsy, but they will be someone who enjoys having fun and taking risks. This person could be somewhat careless or could act immature at times, but it's because they are a kid at heart. They may be younger than you. They also love children and want to have kids of their own. They may already have children or will embrace your children if you have any.

The type of career or work this person may be or become involved in could include bartending, party planning, reiki healing, or counseling.

This person may enjoy drinking. Quite a bit actually, but not to the point of addiction. They may come from a large family or have several siblings or childhood friends they love to hang out and party with.

Despite being outgoing and loving to socialize, this person is also very intelligent and honest. You won't have to second guess what they are thinking or feeling. They will tell you. They will take you on adventures and make sure you are happy by planning thoughtful date nights. This person has a very sweet and innocent nature about. Expect sentimental gifts and gestures.

Your future spouse may be one of the following signs, or have the sign(s) prominent in their birth chart:

Aries - Leo - Pisces - Cancer - Scorpio - Gemini - Libra - Aquarius

IMAGE 2

If you chose Image #2, your spouse is very chill and calming. They aren't the type to over do things because they prefer to make sure their energy is balanced. This person takes their time with things, which may include how they move forward the relationship with you. But rest assured they will move it forward. They are thoughtful and will send you sweet, romantic messages that express how they feel. This person enjoys music and may like sharing music with you. This will be an expression of their love language.

For work, they could be a barber, butcher, wood carver, judge, or writer. Whatever they do to make money, it likely has something to do with things that require patience, gathering facts, or simply takes time to get the final outcome or product.

At times, you will need to exhibit patience with this person. They are someone who may have internal conflicts that get projected onto others, and may be argumentative. This person may even subconsciously start fights just to have make up sex lol! But overall, this is a thoughtful, charming, sweet, intelligent, and truthful individual.

They are (or have been) actively looking toward the future with/for you. You may find them living afar, or they may be a different ethnicity or from a different culture than you. It could start off as a long distance relationship.

Your future spouse may be one of the following signs, or have the sign(s) prominent in their birth chart:

Sagittarius - Cancer - Pisces - Leo - Aries

IMAGE 3

If you chose Image #3, I see a very strong-willed, intuitive, and emotionally intelligent individual. This person knows what they want and goes full speed ahead to get it. They are quite wise and in tune with Spirit. This person is very, very sensitive, and may fall back without communication if they feel slighted by you. They don't like to be rejected, because again, they know what they want and they will expect their feelings to be reciprocated. They are very caring and will have an uncanny ability to read your mind (and other's too)!

As a career, this person could work with troubled children, as an illustrator or writer of children's books, author healing journals, be an influencer within the spiritual community, or help people heal their inner child wounds.

This individual doesn't like to sit still. They are always on the go. You may have to encourage them to take time to sit down and rest. If not, they could suffer from bad health. Especially in the emotional department. Although they will be very emotionally mature, when they do not make rest/sleep a priority, they can become very moody and cranky.

This person will love you deeply. It will be the type of love that you feel without words. There will be lots of mushy looks, gestures, and I love yous between the two of you.

Your future spouse may be one of the following signs, or have the sign(s) prominent in their birth chart:

CANCER - Pisces - Aries - Libra

[musashi]

it's so good to see other people making posts about the relative lack of nuance, understanding of interpretative text, and reading comprehension of the ace attorney fandom. y'all know it drives me crazy, how people more or less just project whatever they want to onto the characters and then get mad at you when you tell them it never happened in the games.

but i will say, one thing that a lot of newcomers to the aa fandom are missing, something it took me ages to find out: a TON of the people in the ace attorney fandom... just straight up have not played ace attorney. or, they played one or two games and fell off. even i myself have not played the sequel trilogy yet.

a huge chunk of the ace attorney fandom get the story SOLELY from the fandom. but they do not actually have the text anywhere in their mind. several others played the game ages ago but have not revisited it, and subsisted solely on fanworks since then.

i got into AA in the past few years, and i theorize this is why i feel such a disconnect from the fandom. furthermore, my autistic predilection to infohoard and obsessively play the cases over and over and over again means i have every minute character detail fresh in my head. whenever i find someone with similar bafflement and negative opinions on the fanon as me, it usually turns out they too are a newcomer!

i think the reason the AA fandom is so reliant on incorrect flanderization and fanon is because a huge chunk of them are all playing a game of telephone. literally, character interpretations have been passed around so much and no one is re-experiencing the games, and as a result no one remembers what is canon anymore.

i use this example a lot but it still baffles me to this day: i'm a known manfred liker, right? lots of people try and debate me on if he's a child abuser or not (i don't care as long as it's written well, but i don't think it's in the text) and one of the points they constantly bring up is that phoenix wrote letters to miles when he disappeared, and manfred burned those letters.

this did not happen.

not only did manfred have no part in anything of the sort, but phoenix literally never wrote letters to miles. the only thing phoenix says about it is that he tried contacting miles "countless times," but he does not explain how, when, over what period of time, or any such details.

to me, "manfred burned the letters" is certainly a valid interpretation of the text. but so is "miles edgeworth is a disaster human who 100% would reject any attempts from phoenix to reconnect because he believes a part of him died in that elevator too."

but as previously mentioned, the ace attorney fandom, alongside everything else, has no concept of nuance. characters are either victims or abusers with no gray area in between. miles is a victim (he is) but to reject poor sweet phoenix (also a victim) would tip the scales (haha) toward him being... a bad guy! so we introduce manfred (abuser) into this equation. there. problem solved.

but if i walk into the scene like "hey, that's a headcanon, this did not happen in the text, personally i think it's more realistic that miles rejected phoenix's attempts to reconnect because he is a traumatized adolescent making foolish decisions." 30 people are gonna point at me like SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU CONDONE ABUSE? and i will just sit there blinking, perplexed.

this happens like, three times a week.

tl;dr a massive chunk of the aa fanbase hasn't actually played aa recently or ever they just get all their info from wrightworth fanfic and incorrectquotes posts

[comradekatara]

I believe the way Sokka deals with his trauma oscillates between; my feelings aren't important, and there is no way anyone else feels like this.

There is also a middle ground where 'I wish someone could hug me so I could break down' but also, the feeling of 'I don't want anuyone to seem me like that' rolling around in his mind, and thus leading to suppress everything that he feels and believing he is doing great even though he is not.

What, no im not projecting my trauma to poor characters. I just resonate with sokka a little!

ok rn the film studies professor who lives in my head is yelling CHARACTERS DONT HAVE FEELINGS. obviously fandom as a discursive mode operates under a very different analytical framework but like. you get it.

anyway i reject this premise altogether because i don’t think sokka would ever think about anything in terms of feelings. if he has an emotion he must then explain that emotion as a thinking action or opinion. for example, he doesn’t say to yue, “i feel attracted to you,” he says, “i think you’re beautiful.” and to him, every action can be classified either as logical or illogical. so katara stealing from pirates is illogical because the benefits (katara getting back a piece of her culture that was stolen and studying it to better learn waterbending) do not outweigh the costs (being chased down and executed by pirates), but toph pulling scams is dangerous yet ultimately logical because the benefits (having more money for food and resources) do outweigh the costs (possibly getting caught if they’re not careful). and of course sokka rationalizes his own illogical actions through faulty logical reasoning, such as “i must sacrifice myself at the boiling rock because it’s my responsibility to fix this situation that i caused or die trying.” his logic is sometimes flawed or biased (as all human subjectivity is), but it’s think “i think this and therefore i must do this” rather “i feel this and therefore i must do this,” which is how katara largely operates, as someone who is also far more in touch with her own emotions (a skill sokka lacks to a truly atrocious extent). sokka cannot locate his own emotions because he would first have to acknowledge that he has emotions, which to him is a completely abhorrent thought, even though of course he very clearly does.

sokka definitely doesn’t want anyone to see him break down or be vulnerable in any capacity (he’s only vulnerable in front of zuko because he doesn’t care about zuko and assumes that both he and zuko will die soon anyway), and he’s normally resistant to hugs except for with his dad (although in the finale he does join their group hug and then hugs piandao later, so yay for growth). but it’s true that he keeps his trauma so bottled up that he basically just completely represses it. forgets his mother’s face as a way to cope with his grief. and also in sokka’s mind he literally thinks he’s normal. he thinks that everyone else is a freak and thank god he’s the most normal one here. so it’s not even that he’s like “my feelings aren’t important,” he’s like “feelings aren’t important.” and it’s not that he thinks “no one else feels like this,” he thinks “thank god i don’t have to feel all those messy complicated emotions that other humans do because i know how to completely detach myself from my emotions. it’s awesome how being less human means being less vulnerable. there are no downsides to this logic and it is very healthy.” not realizing that it’s like. actually a very harmful coping mechanism, and also that if anyone is capable of dehumanizing themselves to the point of objectivity (highly doubtful), he certainly hasn’t. but like. try telling him that.

[lu-is-not-ok]

Lu's Guide to Sin Analysis

Welp, since my brain is too focused on having K Corp Hong Lu go full unga bunga in Mirror Dungeons to write full analyses, I decided I might as well give something else to all the people starving for Limbus Theory content.

So, here we are. A basic guide on how I approach the Sin Analysis portion of my analyses, covering my personal interpretations for each Sin, as well as how to use those when analysing both E.G.Os and Identities.

That way, ya'll can dabble in doing some of this on your own when I'm too busy grinding my way to 400 hours of play time on Limbus to write up full analyses.

Sounds good? Awesome. Under the cut we go, wheeeee!

Sin Interpretations

Let's start with the most important part - the Sins themselves.

I want you to take a moment and think about your own associations with those Sins. Perhaps your immediate thought is to take the words used literally. Maybe you immediately think back to the Biblical ideas of the Seven Deadly Sins. Mayhaps there's some other media you know that also uses Sins in some way, which you subconsciously default to when thinking about them.

Whatever those associations are, I want you to throw them away.

That's right. Whatever is telling you that Lust = Horny, Wrath = Angry, Envy = Jealous, etc, etc? Throw all of those preconcieved notions away.

This is the biggest mistake I see people make when trying to analyse Identities and E.G.O based on their Sins - they assume that those Sins have the same meanings in the context of Limbus as the popular, more common interpretations of them.

And while, sure, some of them can definitely overlap with what one would expect them to be, I think relying on those during analysis instead of trying to understand what the game itself is trying to tell us by using those Sins as symbols is doing its storytelling a massive disservice.

Do I think my personal interpretations of the Sins are a 100% accurate reading? No, of course not. I can't see into the mind of Kim Ji-Hoon or whoever else at Project Moon might have been the mastermind behind deciding what Sins connect to what. I have no way of knowing what exactly they intended here.

However, I do wish to believe that my interpretations not only strive to meet the game's storytelling on its own terms, but also hopefully make further analysis based on those interpretations a bit easier to wrap one's head around.

...God I really need to stop writing massive preambles and just get to the fucking point.

So let's actually get to The Fucking Point. Sin Interpretations, one by one. Let's fucking do it.

Wrath

The flames of revolution burn bright in the face of cold winds.

Wrath is the Sin of self-righteousness and defiance. To act with Wrath is to decide that one deserves better, that things around then should bend to their will, and then take matters into their own hands. It's the Sin of deciding one has the right to change something simply because they don't like the current state of things.

There are many ways one can act because of Wrath. It can show through trying to rebel against authority, to subvert one's fate, to escape one's unfavorable circumstances, or to even reject one's own true nature. To act with Wrath is to stand up for oneself and tell reality "No, I refuse!" loud and clear.

A common misconception of Wrath is the idea that anger is an inherent part of it. While it's true that those feelings often coincide with defiance, they're not required for one's acts to be fueled by Wrath. Some can be Wrathful while being completely calm and collected, as their acts of defiance could be more on the quiet and simmering side.

Likewise, being quick to anger isn't always a sign of Wrath. It's very possible for someone to have a short temper, while also being fully accepting of the reality they live in (Ryoshu, I am looking directly at you), thus lacking Wrath.

Lust

One's base insticts go all the way back to that genetic code.

Lust is the Sin of self-indulgence. It's the Sin of letting one's own desires and whims dictate one's actions. It's also the Sin of seeking personal fulfillment above all else. To act with Lust is to give up one's self-control and let one's instincts and wants guide them.

Unlike what the name and symbol might initially imply, Lust can include many different types of desires, not just the carnal.

Likewise, acts of Lust can be just as varied as one's desires. Satisfying one's most basic of needs, searching for a form of spiritual enlightenment, or even just saying the first thing that comes to mind because one feels like it are just a few examples.

Sloth

A stone will not care for what happens to it, nor the world around it.

Sloth is the Sin of apathy and resignation. Unlike other Sins, which mostly show through one's direct actions, Sloth can also show through inaction.

To act with Sloth is to ignore reality, to let oneself go along with whatever is happening with barely any complaints. As such, Sloth is commonly associated with blind obedience or unwillingness to act out.

Due to its nature as a Sin of resignation, Sloth can be seen as the direct opposite of Wrath, the Sin of defiance. This creates a unique situation where the inclusion of one can drastically shift the context of the other if both are a part of the same Identity or E.G.O.

Gluttony

Plants never stop waging wars, always wanting just a little bit more.

Gluttony is the Sin of hunger, and it's unique from the other Sins in that it equally represents two different ideas of that hunger, which can appear together just as often as they can be completely seperated.

The first type of Gluttony is one of the starving hunger of survival. In this context, to act with Gluttony is to do anything for the sake of scraping by and living to see another day.

The second type of Gluttony is the hunger for more, or in other words: greed. In this context, to act with Gluttony is to do everything for the sake of this idea of "more". To gain more wealth, to find more recognition, to make more progress.

Both of these types of Gluttony are unified in one main point - they are, by definition, endless. The struggle for survival never ends, unless one fails to survive. Likewise, there is no finite "more" that greed is reaching towards, it's a neverending process of one-upmanship.

Gloom

When a wave of emotion rises, many will be swept away in its wake.

Gloom is the Sin of dwelling on feelings. To act with Gloom is to be guided by one's negative emotions, to buckle under stress and let it control one's mind and actions.

While sadness, grief, and depression are the states of mind most commonly associated with Gloom, and are often a part of it, they're not inherent to it. The only "requirement" here is the experience of severe emotional duress, and acting out in direct response to it.

In a way, Gloom is the Sin of losing control over oneself, not dissimilar to Lust. However, the main difference here is the cause of losing that control. Gloom is the loss of self-control due to being overwhelmed by negative experiences, while Lust is the loss of self-control due to seeking out positive experiences.

Pride

Be careful, for that double-edged sword may cut you as well.

Pride is the Sin of ignoring consequences. Acts of Pride are all actions taken because of the belief that their benefits outweigh the cost in some way. While the most common way this can present is through actions that benefit oneself at the cost of others, it's not the only way Pride can manifest.

One can be Prideful when believing the benefit to many outweighs the consequences. Likewise, refusing to acknowledge the harm one brings to themself because their actions benefit them in some other way also counts as Pride.

The idea that Pride is inherently tied to selfishness or self-confidence is another common misconception. In fact, Prideful acts can manifest just as often from a lack of self-confidence or a misguided selflessness. Rather, one could interpret Pride as a form of willful ignorance, in a way.

Envy

Thorns don't go out of their way to harm, they merely react to your touch.

Envy is the Sin of reaction and retribution. It's the idea of doing something because of what someone else has done. By definition, one cannot act with Envy without some form of provocation.

Like is the case with many other Sins, acts of Envy can take many forms, from taking revenge to following orders. The main connecting idea here is letting oneself be influenced by another person, whether it's being coerced, provoked, ordered, or otherwise manipulated.

Out of all of the Sin misconceptions, seeing Envy as inherently tied to jealousy might be the worst one of all. While acts done out of jealousy would likely count as acts of Envy, they are but a miniscule part of the sheer scope that Envy represents.

...

Alright, so you know what each of those Sins means. Now it's time to figure out how to Actually Apply Them.

Sin Affinities in the context of Identities

The main way Sins play a role in a given Sinner's Identity is through their Sin Affinities. Mechanically, these are the Sins attributed to each of their skills, signifying both their type of Sin damage and what Sin resource they generate upon being used.

However, this is Project Moon we're talking about, and these fuckers can't keep their gameplay mechanics seperate from the story to save their lives.

So, this begs the question: what can we learn about a Sinner's given Identity through their Sin Affinities?

Here is the method that I believe works best in my experience:

The Sin affinities of each of an Identity's skills represent a different layer of their psyche and motivations. I'm going to try to show what I mean by using base Identities of the four Sinners who already had their own Canto.

Skill 1's Sin Affinity is the surface level motivation of the Sinner's actions. This is the most obvious and "shallow" reading of them and their actions, and also likely the one the Sinners themselves are most aware of.

Gregor's Skill 1 is Gloom due to him being constatly haunted by his trauma, with much of his cynicism and dark-ish sense of humor being shaped by his war experiences. Rodya's Skill 1 is Gluttony due to her tendency to value material goods and love for food, which are signs of her greed and will to survive respectively. Sinclair's Skill 1 is Pride due to him taking many actions (such as sharing his father's secrets or giving Kromer his basement key) for their immediate benefits, without considering the consequences. Yi Sang's Skill 1 is Gloom due to him falling into deep depression and letting the trauma of the past shape his current actions.

Skill 2's Sin Affinity is a deeper motivation of the Sinner's actions. It's delving deeper into their psyche to see what guides them in less obvious ways. This Sin Affinity can also have noticeably closer ties to the Sinner's background in one way or another.

Gregor's Skill 2 is Gluttony due to him being driven by the will to survive, most notably expressed by him leaving the rest of the veterans to escape the war and try to live after it ended. Rodya's Skill 2 is Pride due to her fully believing in what she does working out in her favor, completely ignoring consequences on the way. Her killing the pawnbroker is the biggest example of an act of Pride, as she fully believed that it would help her neighbourhood despite the consequences that murder would bring. Sinclair's Skill 2 is Wrath due to him not accepting his circumstances. His want to defy his future prosthetics procedure is what eventually led him to agreeing with Kromer, and his will to defy her is what drove him through the events of his chapter. Yi Sang's Skill 2 is Envy due to his passive nature and how easily he lets other people dictate his actions. It's especially notable in how after the League fell apart, he would have been willing to do anything Gubo told him at that moment.

Skill 3's Sin Affinity is what I would like to call a Sinner's Core Sin. It's the true main reason behind their actions, and has a much closer and direct tie into their past than the other Sin Affinities. In a way, this is the deepest layer of their psyche.

Gregor's Skill 3 is Sloth as his resignation to his circumstances is what colors much of his past. He learned that resistance is futile early in life, and it shows. Though he didn't want to fight in the war, he felt like he had no choice but to. All of his life, he simply listened to orders without complaint, unable to see a way to change his situation. Rodya's Skill 3 is Wrath as her self-righteousness and defiance is what drove her actions at the deepest level. She first joined the Yurodiviye because she wanted to bring change the state of her neighbourhood, and likewise left them when she no longer agreed with how they did things. Her murder of the pawnbroker was her biggest act of defiance, of taking matters into her own hands and trying to bring change to her reality at all cost. Sinclair's Skill 3 is Envy as much of his actions were dictated by other people. Social pressure was what led to him first breaching the trust of his family, and Kromer's coercion and manipulation is what then led to his family's death. In a way, you could also interpret Sinclair's arc in Canto III as one big act of Envy, as he finally tries to take revenge on Kromer for what she has done. Yi Sang's Skill 3 is Sloth as his apathy to the reality around him is what led to him ignoring the warnings signs of the League falling apart, and the resignation that followed could have resulted in him helping Gubo and the New League out with their horrible plans had there not been an intervention. It's only by the end of Canto IV that he finally manages to break out of this state for long enough to stand up for himself and decide to keep on living.

So, that's the basics of Sin Affinities when it comes to Identities! Now, some of you might be asking, "Hey Lu, what about Sin resources needed for Passives?", and my answer to that is...

Honestly, I don't entirely know! I do think there probably is some reason beyond pure gameplay mechanics... Buuuuut I don't think their importance is as major as the main Sin Affinities of a given Identity, especially since there isn't a single Passive that is activated by a Sin that the given Identity doesn't have any Affinity to.

Sin Affinities in the context of E.G.Os

Alright, so, when it comes to E.G.O, we run into some additional complexities. Unlike Identities, which can usually have their Sins Analysed with minimal additional context, E.G.O Sin Analysis has to be done under a specific angle.

This is because while Identities represent the Sinner as a whole person, E.G.Os represent a specific singular part of that Sinner.

Base E.G.Os usually seem to tie back to a specific event or action or some other thing in that Sinner's past. Likewise, E.G.Os derived from Abnormalities represent the ways that Sinner connects to that Abnormality's own themes.

In a way, the game's worldbuilding even acknowledges the fact that a Sinner can only use the E.G.O of an Abnormality they relate to in some way, as Dante's Notes describe the process of the Sinners using E.G.O as trying to make the Abnormality's emotions and identity their own.

That little tangent aside, there are two main things to analyze sin-wise when it comes to E.G.O - the Sin Affinity, and the Sin Resources necessary to use that E.G.O.

An E.G.O Sin Affinity works similarly to an Identity's Sin Affinities - for a Base E.G.O, it's the main Sin that action manifests as. For an Abno-derived E.G.O, it's the Sin that contextulizes the way the Abno's themes connect to the Sinner in question.

The Sin Resources an E.G.O needs is where things get fun. These are what a Sinner needs to be able to use the E.G.O, both mechanically AND story-wise. The Sins here represent what a Sinner has as their motivation and drive to fully reflect what that E.G.O represents. For Base E.G.Os, it's why they took the actions they did. For Abno E.G.Os, it's why they connect to that Abno's themes and why they're able to relate to it.

Now... There is one more thing about E.G.Os that I don't really talk about.

Sin Resistances.

The reason why I don't talk about them... Is because I have No Fucking Clue how to interpret them. There has to be some importance to them (Hong Lu being weak to Wrath in all of his E.G.O thus far, I am looking at you), I just don't know what it is. In fact, I doubt we even have enough information available to us right now to be able to say for sure.

I don't know how to end these posts dear fucking lord-

So uh. Yeah. That's. Everything that I think is important to mention on the topic of Sin Analysis and how I do it. If I ever change my mind on something or have an epiphany regarding one of the things I currently have no idea about, I'll probably reblog this post with an addendum or something, but until then...

Uh. Yeah. Hope this helps the people who wanna get into analyzing Limbus stuff but don't know where to begin. Or just people who wanna understand the method to my madness a little bit better.

I'm gonna go to sleep now, cause it's 4 AM already and I spent like the whole fucking night writing this post.

[shuttershocky]

I see conversations about people being tired of fantasy works having fantasy racism bc other than often not being handled well, the presence of it implies there is a valid reason for it kinda like how ogres are often treated as pure evil. Thinking about Arknights, I think Oripathy manages to avoid the issues? Systemic prejudices against the infected like classism, ableism, & they make statements with it all & have nuance, it's not just racism for the sake of it but real + complex issues in Terra

I understand your point but Arknights very much does have fantasy racism with the Sarkaz. It takes a backseat to general oripathy discrimination and hidden by the fact that plenty of the main cast is Sarkaz, but you have lines from Meteorite for example stating her surprise that Rhodes Island hired Sarkaz like her in public-facing jobs.

I do like though how Arknights handles the topic of racism towards the Sarkaz. They're shown to actually be a hugely diverse group of people, they're the minds behind the whole Rhodes Island project (Theresa, Closure, and Warfarin are all Sarkaz), and the "reason" for their discrimination isn't because they have superpowers (fucking everyone does) or otherwise are naturally dangerous, it's because they are simply different (everyone else represents an animal, while a Sarkaz is a mythological monster).

Fantasy racism is often eyerolling because it's usually like "In this world the race called Normies are discriminatory towards The Exploders, a race that eats the brains of passerby and then explode. However, when this Normie cop finds a ten year old Exploder lost in his backyard, they will go on an adventure to break down the walls of society, and hopefully not explode."

Arknights explores the topic of the Sarkaz with some nuance, and the careful explanation that the reasons they continue to be discriminated against today came about BECAUSE of their oppression. They are often mercenaries and hired muscle, because there are no other jobs for them. Many are depressed, cynical, and violent from living such a hard life where their lives are seen as expendable, further enforcing the stereotype of Sarkaz as a race of warmongers. Their only land to call their own was ravaged by foreign invasions and then by a civil war.

Even Buldrokkas'tee's entire backstory was about Sarkaz oppression. During Theresa's reign over Kazdel he brought his clan with him to Ursus seeking a better life for them (keep in mind Vigilo called Theresa a great war hero, implying her reign or the leadup to it was marked by war with other nations), and when they arrived in Ursus they were thrown to the frontline of a demonic invasion, made to fight horrifying and inhuman monsters to prove they were worthy of Ursus. It's almost understandable why Buldrokkas'tee sternly told his son not to rock the boat, not to protest the Ursus government's treatment of the infected: they had already fought so hard and sacrificed so much just to get here, just to be citizens.

It's also why Rhodes Island as a creation of a Sarkaz venture is important to the games' themes. Almost every single nation in Terra is a complete dystopian nightmare and yet from the most beaten, oppressed, and discriminated people comes a genuine effort to Make Things Better. Not only does RI reject the status quo of status and power by being a community effort where everyone works according to what they can do and is given according to what they need, they're also the most advanced Oripathy research institute on the planet because of the Sarkaz's own long intertwined history with the disease.

It's a fantasy, in a way. "Yeah you all treated us like garbage but we'll save you anyway while saving ourselves, fuck it. This pandemic will kill us all if we don't."

[isa-ah]

yup! so about that au... what's mob's feelings about teru? does he care about him? does he try to give him the benefit of the doubt? does he hate everything about him but thinks he's attractive? would love to know lol

so to answer that I'm gunna explain that the au is structured like this:

canonically, mogami wants to teach mob to be selfish, and to draw from negative emotions. he uses minori to do it; she bullies him until he snaps and mogami lets him reawaken to his powers in a violent context.

in this au, teruki comes with to the exorcism and ends up possessed to bait mob. except once mogamis in his head he's like oh YOU get it. that's exactly how teru was living as a kid. so you're going to teach him what you already knew how to do.

so mob wakes up in the mirror world freshly transferred to black vinegar and is immediately latched on to by edano and other boys in his gang. this draws terus attention to mob after a few weeks and he starts isolating him to bully himself (terus pretty obsessed w mob anyway, so that thread gets pulled, but also 🏳️‍🌈❓).

it builds until mob awakens to his powers to get teru off his back and teru pounces on it for a hierarchy fight immediately. he's ELATED to find another esper (in the show he says he has so many questions / stop rejecting me / don't leave me) so they throw down but mobs powers are tuned to lose the fight, so teru snaps him up to be his guard dog.

from terus perspective he's just found the perfect disciple. they're two of a kind. and he becomes VERY possessive of mob, and in turn, mob has the traits easily influenced & deeply loyal, so even if he feels prickly about terus attitude, he sucks like a magnet to his hip anyway bc hes the closest thing mob has to a friend.

they're both very lonely and ultimately scared kids right. so the enmeshment is pretty immediate and they start spending about all their time together bc the alternative is an empty grey city. mob fights most of terus fights for him, and thru it develops a much more physical outlet for his emotions (as opposed to verbal gentleness that is largely taught by reigen).

which.. leads to rubs when teru does stupid shit to get mobs attention and it works Too Well bc mob has no idea how to communicate it so he gets In terus personal space, pushes him around, gives him these autistic Stares but ultimately neither of them actually know how to wrangle the like oh God he's a life raft to me and I want to kiss him emotions so they act out stupid instead.

it's like.. idk I want to see their traits laid out in a more toxic light but also they're still obsessed with each other. and ultimately yeah mob does learn to be a lot more selfish and to use his powers for personal gain and teruki has to experience what his life would have been like if mob didn't check him. for fun. and flavor.

and boy does it make for the most awkward post arc reunion ever bc they get back to reality and reigen and dimple are like OH THANK GOD and then they look at each other and it's like. uhm. where do I even start lmfao

I have a lot of specific scenes in mind but mostly that's the gist. pls feel free to talk to me about it tho it's my pet project

[wontheworld]

m-m-mint choco | 36

YN entered the conference room in fear when she saw Sunghoon also present. He smiled lightly at her before she sat across from him.

Aware of the rumors, the agency decided it was time to address the situation.

Seated before them were their managers and company executives, and the room was filled with a tense atmosphere.

YN's manager, Ms. Kim, spoke first, her voice firm. "YN, Sunghoon, we have noticed the dating rumors surrounding the two of you. While we acknowledge the importance of personal happiness, we also understand the impact it can have on your careers as idols. You can't just hang out everywhere and have a relationship that is or isn't confirmed. Have you noticed the fan wars going on because of you two?" she questioned both of them.

Sunghoon's manager, Mr. Lee, added, "We want you both to know that we value your happiness and well-being. However, it's important to maintain professionalism and be mindful of the image you project to your fans." He smiled at YN and Sunghoon.

It felt like a bad cop, good cop scenario.

YN and Sunghoon exchanged glances, relieved that their relationship was not being outright rejected but was restricted at the same time.

A lady spoke up, saying, "For now, we will issue a warning to both of you. But what is actually going on between both of you?"

YN looked at Sunghoon, and he looked back at her, not knowing what to say.

"Sunghoon and I do like each other, but we're taking more time to get to know each other. There's a possible chance of us having a relationship in the future, but for now, we're just seeing each other," YN spoke cautiously.

Some people around the room hummed, while others nodded their heads while looking at the two.

"We'll just have to put out a statement that you guys are seeing each other but aren't in a confirmed relationship. Is that clear? We trust that you will handle your personal lives responsibly and discreetly. We believe in your abilities to balance your careers and your relationship. Please don't break this trust we have in both of you," a man spoke as YN and Sunghoon nodded and bowed to him.

"Thank you so much," Sunghoon spoke.

"You guys can leave now," the lady smiled.

YN and her manager left the room first, followed by Sunghoon and his manager.

prev behind the scenes next

N: uuu

taglist: @deobitifull @hoonstxr @seulgipage @purennn @haechansbbg @minetaphobe @badasgirlfriend @seunnimg @hyuzaa @ttylxox2 @desistay @nyfwyeonjun @who-tf-soddhi @nqvgue @wanderers-archive @luvlyniya @akuspic @nxzz-skz @minhosprettywife @chillychuu @bee-the-loser @baevsxii @wooziswife

[spiritstein]

spirit albarn has histrionic personality disorder, change my mind

i often see people ask what the hell is wrong with spirit, which is a great question. that guy's got issues. here's my take on explaining some of them!

notes: i have HPD myself so some of the evidence/examples i'll give will have personal anecdotes (although i've avoided projecting to the best of my ability for this post.) this is based mostly off the anime, as i have not finished the manga.

full post under the cut as it's ended up both very long and image heavy

one of the major traits of HPD is dramatic and exaggerated behavior/expression of emotion, which spirit displays nearly every time he's on screen. (typically in regards to either maka or his past and potential future romantic pursuits, we'll get to that later.)

this is typically played for comedy, but i don't think that discounts it as evidence at all-- kid's OCD is often used for jokes but that doesn't mean he doesn't have it.

these outbursts often involve very sudden shifts in his demeanor, and almost feel like an internal switch is being flipped on or off. this can make how he acts seem shallow at times, which is also characteristic of HPD. (emphasis on seem-- i do believe he's expressing his true emotions to the extent he feels them. the exaggerated self-expression of individuals with HPD is often tied to feeling those emotions far more intensely than the average person, at least for me.)

note how quickly he returns to a "resting" or "default" expression in the second gif here. he's kind of got a resting bitch face, honestly.

another defining trait of HPD is excessive flirtatious and sexual behavior, regardless of the person's attraction to whoever they're making advances on. i'll be using manga screenshots here since dialogue is important, but this is the symptom spirit shows most obviously by a long shot.

(not pictured: many, many more examples of this...)

he tends to flirt or otherwise get involved with women regardless of if the situation calls for it, and often to the detriment of his relationship with others.

the most blatant example of this detriment is his divorce with maka's mother and maka's subsequent dislike of him. no images provided since i presume you're familiar with that if you've gotten this far.

notably, he appears to feel guilty about this trait, yet does not or cannot curb it. one could easily read this as spirit needing the attention and approval from these women. excessive desire for these things (along with a more general need to feel liked or loved) is a major driving force behind other HPD-influenced behaviors and is a symptom in and of itself. while there is no concrete evidence behind this explanation for his provocative behavior, there is one person we know he desperately seeks approval from-- maka.

while nearly any parent would want for their child to love them, spirit wants for maka to merely pay any attention to him to a degree far beyond average.

in all of these examples, he's upset by her not even acknowledging him (or the thought of it) as opposed to hating him. the thought of her loving or admiring him appears to be a far-off fantasy to spirit, to the point of barely being able to handle it when she interacts with him positively:

...to the point of vomiting after this, which i won't show because that's gross.

maka is by far the person spirit's most shown to value the attention and approval of, but he still likely seeks it from others in more subtle ways. inversely, he reacts very strongly to both perceived and actual rejection, which is another HPD symptom. he assumes the worst when lord death calls for a meeting of all the death scythes, and is shocked when he finds out he assumed wrong.

people with HPD also tend to be gullible and easily influenced, which is most obvious in spirit's interactions with stein. he allegedly didn't catch on to the fact that stein was experimenting on him until his ex-wife pointed it out, as well many examples of stein just sort of fucking with him over the course of the series.

this could also just be that spirit's a dumbass, so take this part with a grain of salt.

that's everything that i can directly tie to HPD symptoms, but i'd also like to note that alcoholism is common in histrionics and they're at higher risk of divorce. as well as these manga screenshots of spirit being Just Like Me Fr as someone with HPD that i couldn't find anywhere else to put.

i hope this wasn't too clunky of a read and possibly gave the 5 spirit fans something to consider in their characterization of him! thank you for your time ^_^

[xysidhequeen]

Aaaaaaa i went looking the the red knight au like a month ago and couldn’t find it but now I have and life is great!!! Its so fucking good and one of the first things i read when i got into dpxdc and I am having a great time. I really hope you continue it because its so fucking good i love it you write so well

This is an older ask. I have no idea how old, they don't give me dates. However I hope you still love the Red Knight AU.

I picked an ask just because I wanted to share Jason being horny on main. This is pre-editting and I'm a bit delirious from sleep deprivation so don't mind if it's rough. I just thought Jason was being really cute.

~~~~~~☆☆☆☆~~~~~~

The part of his mind that wasn't occupied with feeling all warm and gooey and shit over that was taking the man himself in. As he tended to do whenever the others weren't around. And sometimes when the others were around. And when Danny smiled. Or laughed. Or was incredibly focused on a project and he got that adorable furrow between his brows and he'd stick his tongue out just slightly. And sometimes he looked too when Danny was in his vicinity for longer than a few seconds.

Fine. All the time. Any time Danny so much as walked by him, his eyes were glued to the man unless something forcibly drew his attention away.

Danny was fucking beautiful, alright? Sue him or whatever goddammit. Actually, no, fucking sue Danny. No one had a right to look that damn ethereal and angelic and otherworldly. It had to be a legitimate crime. Somewhere.

He was all long limbs and lithe muscles. Pale skin and constellations of freckles and winter sky blue eyes. Hair like a starless night sky, loose strands painting lines like ink across his lightly scarred skin. He glowed even in human form, it was subtle but so Ancients' damn alluring too. As if he held a light just under his skin that bathed him in its radiance. 

~~~~~☆☆☆☆~~~~~

Jason is gone. So gone. He knows it. Everyone but Danny knows it. He's just really good at procrastinating doing things. Ironically, him running off on this mental tangent is him procrastinating something else. I love him.

Jason just. Pushes off anything that's deeply emotional when it comes to other people specifically. He's scared of getting hurt. It's that fear of rejection and abandonment rearing its ugly head.

Anyways. Part 16 is at 2.9k words now, so that's going swimmingly.

[fangirldreams101]

Coming Home pt. 3

DBF! Daryl, Rick, Shane & Negan x Reader

TW: Severe age-gap (like 20ish years give or take), cursing

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 4

A mistake.

That's what he called it. A mistake.

The best kiss of your life and he pushed you away. Hurtful nonsense of how he "respects your dad too much to do something like this", he couldn't "betray the man who helped him through so many hard times", you were "too young and were just mixing up your feelings for him". He kept running his pretty mouth, not paying a damn to how each word that spilled from him was another twist of a knife in your gut.

You stayed silent, the pain of his rejection stunning you more than you thought it would. You pulled out your phone, turning around so Daryl wouldn't be able to see the tears in your eyes as you called your dad and explained that you needed a new ride since Daryl's bike broke down. Your dad agreed but let you know that it would be 20 minutes, so the next 20 minutes of hell began as Daryl was still talking.

"I'm a grown ass woman, Daryl. Just say you don't want me and be done with it," your biting tone made him freeze, stunned by how distant you sounded.

He shut up, and you both just sat there, a few feet of distance between you but the unbearable silence making it seem like lightyears. Eventually, your dad's pickup truck pulled up and he helped Daryl put his bike into the back before you all clambered in. Your dad did not notice the obvious tension, happily chatting away about his day and asking you about yours, not paying any mind to your short answers.

You guys dropped Daryl and his bike off at home, giving the shortest goodbye possibly ever recorded in history. As he sent you a worried glance, he eventually took his cue and moved inside his small home. Your dad finally asked you if everything was alright and you gave a small nod before jolting your head up at his next words.

"I was thinking about having my friends over for dinner next week! I want them to meet my lovely daughter! When are you free?"

You did not want to see Daryl anytime soon, "I, uh, actually have a huge project due next week and I don't think I'll have time to do a big dinner or anything. How about we just wait a bit-"

"C'mon, it won't be anything big! Just me and a couple of our neighbors."

You sighed, there was no helping it. You agreed and your dad beamed, before telling you about who was going to come.

"My pal, Rick, is the sheriff here! He ain't doing so well cause he got divorced a few months back. Turns out, Lori, his wife, was cheating on him. She got custody of the kids, too. Poor man's a wreck, so I hope this will be something to help cheer him up. Obviously, don't tell him I told you any of this. Other fella's Shane, new cop in town and moved into the neighborhood not too long ago, only a few months before you, actually. Seems like a nice guy, been fishing with him a few times. And of course, you know Daryl."

You nodded along to this overwhelming information, forgetting how much of a gossip your dad can be. He listed a few other people from the area: a couple named Maggie and Glenn with their kids, another couple Sasha and Abraham, and few other folk you no longer had the mental capacity to remember.

As you zoned out your dad's rambling, you thought back to Daryl and felt yourself almost choke up about it.

You are a grown ass woman. There will be other hot, sweet men you will get with. You got this. You kept repeating to yourself.

Let's see how right you were.

[hxhhasmysoul]

Did u see these posts: https://linkspooky.tumblr.com/post/744136721881530368/hello-friend-i-thought-id-use-your-post-as-a . https://linkspooky.tumblr.com/post/744086250489774080/so-i-was-genuinely-surprised-last-week-when-we ? Honestly, I think am starting to dislike the Megumi & Killua comparisons more than I ever maybe did the Killua & Gojo ones (like I also saw a comment saying Megumi is smarter than Killua, and I don't think Megumi is dumb, but like how?). I'm not saying Megumi is a bad character, but he is not (imo) better-written or have a better arc than Killua (who has one of the best arcs ever).

P.S: Off topic from me complaining about Killua getting compared to JJK characters (which I was mostly neutral towards doing, but now, I might be becoming a bit less neutral). Great and pretty Palm, LeoPika, and Illumi's art u just reblogged!

The biggest problem with what that person writes is the value judgement. I don’t necessarily disagree with the stuff they say about Megumi, at least they see that Gojou forced Megumi into being a sorcerer and that’s rare. They also seem to acknowledge Megumi’s character flaws, even if I don’t exactly agree with every argument they make about him. And I especially don’t agree with how they compare Tsumiki to Alluka. 

They are right that Megumi tries to use others, Tsumiki and then Yuuji as justifications for his existence. And it’s true Killua uses the people he loves as a crutch because he has no goals of his own, because all his life the goals of others were forced onto him and he’s really lost at the beginning of HxH. 

The difference is that Killua’s relationships with Gon, Alluka and Nanika are very deep, he also grows close with others: Ikalgo, Palm, Bisky and Leorio, there’s clear potential for him developing a friendship with Canary. Killua also projects to some extent onto Gon, and onto Alluka too. But that’s something everyone does. Killua does it to a normal extent, the Gon in Killua’s mind is partially imagined and greatly coloured by Killua’s crush, but Killua quite often actually understands how Gon feels, or accurately reads the situation between them. The things he tells Gon don’t make Gon worse because they feed into Gon’s issues.

He does enable Gon, and he doesn't know how to help Gon after Kite's death, but his presence still helps Gon in those moments. He doesn't make gon better but he doesn't make him worse either, they are just two kids who are in a situation that's just too much for them to handle.

When Killua tries to enforce what he thinks is best onto Alluka and Nanika, Alluka puts him in his fucking place and he very clearly understands what he did wrong. Because he’s capable of seeing Alluka as a real person, he can see past the image of Alluka that exists in his head. 

Megumi’s relationships with Tsumiki and Yuuji are superficial, bordering on parasocial. The things Megumi tells Yuuji make Yuuji contract Megumi’s cog mentality. Megumi acts like he knows shit, how he's very smart and Yuuji buys into that, because Megumi reads a lot and knows long words. And Megumi also buys into that, and thinks he can talk with authority about who's to blame for what. Or which people deserve to be saved.

Megumi barely spends time with Yuuji in an active way, he just passively tags along and frowns and sighs, and he downright rejects Tsumiki and everything she stood for when she was conscious. He’s upset that Yuuji lashes out at Hana because Yuuji is mourning Nobara so fucking deeply. Megumi is taken aback because he never mourned Nobara, he never tried to get close to her, but more importantly, despite him thinking he cares about Yuuji, he has absolutely no clue how Yuuji is feeling. He projects his own idea as to who Yuuji is onto Yuuji. Yuuji the good selfless person who needs to be protected by Megumi but not engaged with, not reached out to. He has no idea who Yuuji really is or how he feels, nor does Megumi care. He never cared what Tsumiki felt or who she really was, and the whole situation with the bridge showed very clearly that Tsumiki led a life of her own and Megumi didn’t even know, and likely it wasn’t a completely pure and uwu life. But to Megumi what matters are his own made up versions of these two people. 

And this is actually okay, these are flaws and they are a consistent characterisation. I don’t like Megumi much but I will defend his right to be flawed, I will defend him from all the Gojou fans who pretend Gojou didn’t make a child soldier out of a little kid. Or who pretend that it isn’t clear that Gojou left Tsumiki and Megumi to fend for themselves in their daily life and just borrowed Megumi to force him to work so the two kids had a place to live and other necessities. And I will defend Megumi from anyone who tries to deny him his right to a fucking mental breakdow.

But what they write about Killua is extremely shallow, the mentions of Gon and Yuuji, and the paragraph about Maki, those are downright upsetting. They show very clearly that they will write whatever needed to prop up their fav. And I really don’t get what drives people to do this kinda stuff.

They honestly undermine their arguments (some very solid) about how nice Megumi’s arc is, because they can’t just argue their case. No, they need to bring another character into it and attack that character. It’s always a foolish thing to do. I get that they might not like Killua as much or think he’s overrated. But Killua was not needed for their argument. Everything they get wrong about Killua weakens their arguments about Megumi. And Killua’s relationships with his close ones really highlight the issue with Megumi’s. And the person never addresses that. 

I think I’ve seen maybe their posts or similar posts about Megumi, not exactly comparing him to Killua, but for example posts about how he’s the true MC of JJK, where Megumi’s fans argued about how complex Megumi is and how there’s nothing to Yuuji. And this person’s posts are just written to prop up Megumi by dismissing and discrediting other characters. 

The JJK fandom is vicious to most characters that aren’t sexymen. Megumi is much more liked in the fandom than Yuuji, but yeah, one can consider him disliked if one compares him to how people are about Gojou, Getou, Nanami, Touji, Chousou, Higuruma, Sukuna or even Kusakane, Shu and Ino. Also as they rightly notice Megumi isn’t overpowered so he gets a lot of shit, something Yuuta never gets. As to Maki, this person clearly doesn’t give a shit about her, so not only they very clearly didn’t pay attention to Maki post Mai’s death, they also have no idea what the fandom says about Maki. 

They also write as if the way the fandom treats Megumi is unique, when Yuuji gets that far more and over everything. Even Sukuna got that just because in the battle of JJK sexymen, Gojou truly is the strongest and his fans are fucking rabid and allergic to canon and the text of JJK. 

Gege’s love for HxH somehow creates the need in the JJK fans to compare the two stories and their respective characters, and I’ve never seen it done right. In this case it really just cheapens what they were trying to say.

[moonlit-positivity]

Am I Being Manipulative? A checklist:

(cw: this post is not going to be for everyone. This is a post particularly for people who struggle with projection, self awareness, self esteem, abandonment, delusions of grandeur, and severe rejection sensitivity. This is not a post to demonize symptoms of NPD or any other cluster B personality disorder. This post is to actually provide you with a checklist of what manipulative behaviors look like and how you can manage them if you are someone who struggles to understand the difference. The cruel fact is that projection & manipulation are often signs of extreme childhood trauma & survival. Sometimes the awareness just isn't there to know if & when you are actually causing someone else extreme distress. Id like this to be a post of reference of how you can better cope when these defense mechanisms present themselves. But the other cruel fact is that many, many people have been on the receiving end of manipulative and abusive behaviors, too. And your trauma around this topic is valid. Your feelings of needing accountability and acknowledgement are valid. If that is the case, then reading this post may not be for you. Please read & interact with care.)

You are being manipulative & causing other people harm if you do any of the following:

You consider ways to skew the story to make yourself look better or to make people feel guilty or take pity on you in order to get your needs met, because you're not sure how else to ask & the thought of someone saying "I cant do that for you" is just not an option you can account for

Situations where someone is asking you for clarity, asking you for an apology, or telling you that they are hurt by something you did to them, scares you and triggers a bigger need to avoid and make yourself bigger than them so you can avoid the feeling of being hurt

Every interaction you have with everyone around you feels like you're playing a game of chess in your mind, where the end goal for you is to get your needs met however & in whatever ways you can, even and especially if you feel like this person is going to say "no"

You consider every possible scenario and how you can skew the story to get what you need in every single context, because you need it to happen and if someone were to tell you "i cant do that for you" it would send you into a spiral

You lie & use emotional manipulation to get what you need out of people because you're too scared they're gonna say "no", or judge you, or berate you, etc

You feel like everyone else in the world has so much, while you have nothing, and the way you cope with this is to make those people who have more than you suffer in ways that give you a sense of justice being restored to the world

You feel like you are the only person in the world who is allowed to have anything, even if & when you've never had anything a goddamn day in your life, and it pisses you off when others can't & don't give that to you

You feel naturally disgusted with yourself & with everyone else around you, particularly if they're expressing things that make you feel jealous & left out & resentful because they have it but you don't. So you find ways to tear them down in the process because it makes you feel better about it, like a child lashing out in anger and vengeance

You often find yourself planning ways to get revenge or how to bring people down a notch or two, which is probably reflective of how your parents/abusers treated you.

You are always in competition to be better than everyone else around you, because your childhood made you feel like competition is all that life has to offer.

You throw tantrums or fits when someone tells you "no", going so far as to even threaten death or get physically volatile in the process, because there has never been anyone there to give you this deep need for unconditional love & protection. So any time that need gets threatened or taken away, you do what you can out of pure fear & survival to latch on. This includes threatening suicide if someone were to leave you.

Someone expressing their limits and concerns pisses you off because how else do you get what you need from them? So you either ignore, downplay, or act like you didn't hear them & continue to do it anyway

You often feel like you need to project yourself as having much higher expectations and accomplishments than everyone else. Nothing else matters except how much bigger you are then they are.

You would rather be alone than in the company of someone who doesn't worship your every move, because this is how you've adapted to the extreme neglect of your childhood

Someone asking you to explain yourself makes you feel extreme rage and the need to shit all over them because you're too scared to admit you don't know either.

You enjoy the concept of power and authority and want to make people suffer for what they've done to you in the past by projecting yourself to be this all mighty entity of power and authority yourself

Which is a lot of words just to say you're rooted in dominance & control. Every single thing you do is a power dynamic. And you will never find happiness because you're rooted in this God like vision of perfectionism, even for yourself, that is just as equally God like in how unobtainable it is to reality.

You are constantly reliving the fears of your childhood experiences and as a result there is this huge need to be the biggest in the room so you can hurt them before they hurt you first- hence why you can't take "no" for an option

If reading this list has pissed you off or triggered you in some way that you feel like now you gotta tell me how much I suck and how worthless I am and how I don't know jack shit because it threatens you to take a deeper look at yourself and ask what you can do about it.

So here's what to do about it:

Become aware of your behavior. Hopefully this checklist will help you with that.

Work real hard at noticing the thoughts & situations that have you acting this way. What is happening around you? What has triggered these deep rooted fears & defense mechanisms? How often does this happen? Things like that.

Become aware of the fact that other people are going to reject you. Other people are going to need to step away and self care at some point. Turn your attention to how you respond when these moments come up.

Start working on self validation. It's normal to struggle with these types of symptoms for what you've been through. Try working real hard to find ways to normalize your feelings. Your anger and sense of justice is valid for what you went through. It is normal to want to see someone suffer after you have suffered so many big and horrific things. It can feel like, "why me?" And "why do I have to suffer, when everyone else around me doesn't?" And yes, that is a very valid feeling. Why do you have to suffer? It shouldn't have happened.

That being said. Become aware that there is a difference in feeling something, and acting on that feeling.

Acknowledge the fact that just because you're feeling it, doesn't mean your actions thereafter won't hurt someone else. You can have all the best intentions in the world. You can be truly suffering and feel so justified in your anger and the way you respond to it. But that doesn't mean the person next to you has to tolerate it, excuse it, or feel obligated to stay with you as a result. Become aware that your actions directly affect the people around you, whether you want to acknowledge that or not, whether youre in survival mode or not. You lashing out will affect the person around you. They will be affected by it. And they will have the right to that pain. You have to find ways to acknowledge and cope with this.

Start finding ways to cope with the trauma & the ways your body reacts when these triggers come up. This can be done by looking into somatic healing, nervous system healing, and inner child healing. And yes, I know there is a lot of rhetoric against "narcissistic abuse" and how narcissists supposedly can't do things like this. Well, please keep reading. I have listed other things below that help further debunk this. The point is, regardless of your diagnosis, regardless of your symptoms, your body is activated into fight/flight/freeze/fawn when these moments come up. Many people do not wish to talk about how NPD and other cluster B PDs are there from childhood trauma, too. You can absolutely heal this. Your body, your nervous system, your brain, you. You are capable of the self awareness needed to not only break out of these abusive mindsets but also heal yourself and your body triggers so you can make better informed decisions about what your brain is yelling at you during these moments.

And here's what to do about it on a deeper level:

Admit to yourself what your parents did to you. Admit what you went through in your childhood. Admit how much it hurt and how much of your life it has stolen from you. Stop ignoring it and pretending like it doesn't exist. It happened. And it has stolen even your very core of existence even to this day.

Get. Serious. About. Your. Life. Life is not a game. You remaining ignorant to yourself and your rage and inability to look deeper and be vulnerable, is going to hurt a lot more than just the others around you. It's going to be your funeral in the end. If you do not find ways to start looking deeper and address the pain & trauma that surrounds you, then you are going to die this way. Recovery is possible. Healing is possible. You have got to find a way to get serious about cultivating that kind of life for yourself.

Therapy is not all there is to healing. But it is a good fucking idea. You want to find someone trauma informed. Trauma therapy is currently being reworked to include a model of the dysfunctional family system. This is just a fancy way of saying trauma informed therapists know that ALL of your defense mechanisms are here because of what you went through as a kid. Your partner, your friends, your family? They're not gonna be able to handle your behaviors. That primal need for unconditional love & support? You threatening suicide is not going to get you that. A therapist, however, would. Trauma informed & trauma aware therapists already know you wanna off yourself at the drop of a dime and they still wanna help you sort it out for yourself. Think about that for a while.

Consider what it is you want & need out of your life. Yes, at some point in your life you will need to do some emotional work of your own. Find ways to get motivated about your health & healing. Make it about you! But in a better way that will get you working through the horrors and pain of your past, rather than shutting down & getting defensive when others ask you for that same type of energy right back.

Have you noticed the trend in all those above scenarios? They all revolve around people not being able to caretake you 24/7. At some point you will have to face these types of problems on your own. So consider asking yourself these types of things instead:

- what would happen if they were to say "no"? What's that worst case scenario that you're so scared of happening?

- How do you handle rejection? How do you want to handle rejection? What kind of person do you want to be at the end of the day? Do you want to have the pain and suffering of continuing the cycle of what your parents taught you? Or do you want to try real hard to break free and find healthier ways to address these hard & difficult topics?

- How can you show up for yourself a little bit more than you do right now? What are you avoiding? What needs to be said & addressed so you can move on & work on restoring yourself a sense of balance and control back to your life? Address these things. Don't let them add up.

Prioritize honesty. Prioritize raw genuine honesty with yourself and everyone else around you. Stop lying. Even the small offenses. There is literally no need. If you don't feel safe enough to be honest? Consider asking why you don't feel safe and go from there.

Become aware of and work real hard to address the need for dominance and control in all that you do. You can't control the outcome. You can't control someone else's limits to what they will and won't want to do for you. You can't make people stay if they don't want to. But you can control other things, like who you ask & what you do when others can't be there for you 24/7. You find other ways to cope & get your needs met.

Just be honest and ask for whatever it is you want & need from people. Like literally that's it. There is no need to play a mind game with someone who has no correlation to what you went through as a kid. You've got to know that about yourself. Youve got to know that your childhood is the source of the mindgame. Youve got to realize the game of chess you are playing is with your abusers who taught you how to play. The person sitting next to you? Has absolutely no connection to your shitty abusive parents/abusers. Don't make them suffer for that.

Address & work real hard on acknowledging that fear of being vulnerable. Work real hard on addressing your fears with yourself. Fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of failure. Work hard to undo the harmful shit your parents have given you to work with.

Stop selling yourself short. You being diagnosed with NPD, BPD, ASPD, etc, has nothing to do with your capability to self inspect and grow as a human being. Stop with the "I can't help it, it's just the way I am." As someone who used to feel that way, let me tell you one goddamn thing in this world that will never fuckin change: you deserve a better way of life. But you are not gonna get that without doing a little bit of work and putting in a teeny tiny amount of effort into changing the status quo. At the end of the day, you control yourself. Nobody else controls you, your words, your actions, your mindsets? All you. "I can't help it" means "I don't have enough guidance and validation from my childhood past to know I feel safe enough to change my behavior. Because nobody has ever showed me true unconditional love." Thing is, you've got to go through a whole helluva lot of mourning to even understand that nobody else will be able to replicate the love your parents should have given you. This is your job, and it's a job you should have never been given to begin with. But it is still your job at the end of the day. No one else. Not your partner. Not your besties. But you. Find ways to restore faith in yourself. Don't you ever fuckin forget that. Not a goddamn thing else in this world matters outside of that.

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If you found this helpful, please consider reblogging. If you need to vent and yell about there being a post catering to NPD & abusive behaviors, please consider reblogging anyway. The truth of the matter is that there are so few actually useful introspective sources out there for people who struggle with projection, and we live in a day and age where people want immediate solutions. Therapy! Yes. Therapy is a great idea. But we can still curate a deeper understanding outside of therapy too.

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Thanks for reading. Hope this helps 🌸

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