#i actually think jack is being very chill compared to how i REMEMBER him which is like

[sanchoyo]

arc v 51-65 thoughts! JACK IS HERE FINALLY!!!! also crow. also, prison arc. they sent 14 year olds to actual adult prison! the gang learned about classism, corruption in the system and that you cant Beat Cops with Smiles, but with your Fists :)

-ok. in the back end of the reiji v yuya duel yuya seems surprised to hear yuzu is okay, just taken. and im like. OH IS THAT WHY HES SO UPSET?? HE THOUGHT SHE WAS /DEAD/??? I mean. you know what thats fair. being turned into a piece of paper/cardboard(?) cards. would usually mean death I guess and he did think thats what happened to her. I still think its silly for him to be so pissed at reiji who by all accounts is the nicest ygo rich guy in the entire serieses history imo. but reiji did withhold some info to test yuya a lil bit. but yknow. still.

-…reiji's mom…TOLD the WORLD about the war/invaders AND THEY CANCELED. THE. TOURNAMENT. THEY CANCELED IT AND PRIORITIZED THE WORLDS SAFETY. we ARENT getting a FULL TOURNAMENT ARC??? IN YUGIOH??? i am shocked. no way… (I know I said itd be really funny if a protag didnt win the tournament, but they CANCELED IT which is somehow even funnier to me) I cannot say I expected this at all but im not MAD abt it

-see the next ep when yuya v his mom we learn his mom was a former GIRL GANG BOSS??? WHERE HAS /THAT/ ENERGY BEEN THIS WHOLE SERIES??? instead of being a creep towards kids she couldve been characterized like this! the story abt her and yuyas dad is pretty cute but if /i/ i had a hot mob boss wife i wouldnt be telling her to solve everything with smiles not violence :) i would pick up a fucking bat with her. whatever its FINE

-god the lil montage of yuzu's dad dueling with her in a lil baby pouch on his back and pausing a duel to change her diaper was SO CUTE. TF BEST YGO DAD FOR REAL GOD. hes a duel school teacher!!! why!! cant he come to help!!!! why are they just letting an 18-19 yr old lead the lancers into anOTHER DIMENSION. i dont CARE that hes thee most responsible smartest guy ever or whatever. my god

-shun and serena are remarkably chill abt all of this, hope we see more of them talking and hanging out and stuff. like serena looks just like his sister and yuya looks like his bestie and u KNOW thats SO weird to him?? but also they were on oppisite sides of the war! i want! more interactions! (very funny theyre both kinda trailing reiji. tbh if /i/ was stranded in another dimension he would be the person id be latching onto out of this cast, too. very nice and level headed guy)

-MY GOD. yugo is SO sweet, his calm explanation to yuzu and them just sittin and talking was great. (his reaction to yuzu implying he loves rin was also very very cute. and rins design AUGH I love it SO much. yuzu is still best arc v girl for me but rins design is my fav. GREEN.) JACK!!! MENTIONED!!!

-while they were talking it sorta explained yugo v yuto was a huge misunderstanding bc yuto thought yugo was the Fusion Enemy and yugo thought yuto was yuri. very very understandable and funny. and also im starting to think everyone in this series is colorblind bc they cant tell any of the yuzu/yuya counterparts apart by hair… (also, speaking of yuri, where did he GO. whts HE up to. weve barely gotten any of him and id like More Please)

-it's…been a minute since I watched 5ds. years. and I only watched it once, so I know im probably going to get details wrong, but aside from jack and crow, all other charas so far are arc v originals? like melissa and Guy that Looks Like This :>/ arent in 5ds right… the city kinda looks different to me, but maybe its just the animation looks newer… are we going to get an explanation to where yusei is? bc if jack and crow are in this…like, none of the protags are in arc v. are they busy. is this a universe without them.

-I forgot how dystopian 5ds was! stupid rich ppl calling the cops on yugo and yuzu for LOITERING and acting like the lower class is a Threat is a lil too real…damn. yugo is so nice immediately just pulling her along to help while shes with him ;_; personality wise hes my fav of the yu boys so far… (I feel like such a traitor for this. sorry to yuto bc zexal is my fav series. but we barely got to see him. whenever he comes back im sure we'll get..more... and sorry to yuya bc I Love Clowns….but I love silly lil bikenana boy…willing to bet when we get more yuri he might fight for that spot bc i LOVE a good villain too…we'll see…)

-YUZU'S REACTION TO YUGO DWHEEL DUEL IS SO FUNNY SHES LIKE. SO RATIONAL THO. my GOD she kept saying he should stop to duel on foot and yeah. playing yugioh (or, any card game) on a bike would be insanely hard. like you have to basically have your cards ALL memorized bc you gotta keep ur eyes ahead to drive, right, so ud only be able to glance? everyone in synchro world has insane memorizing skills. (I know to a degree you'd be able to make the d-wheels have a sort of autopilot, but no, we see them steering themselves and accelerating themselves…)

-the animation kept cutting to 3d models while they were dueling on their bikes and it did Not Look Very Good. it was still very fun.

-yuzu Learns About Corrupt Police and Society Today! She once again is the Real Protag to Me. reporter cowgirl ladys design is cute!

-what was the point of the duel if the cops were gonna just set up a blockade anyway tf. the entertainment aspect is SO fucked lmao bored rich ppl. too real. yugo u dont need to rise in society u gotta burn it all down its all fucked. -_-

-YUZU HAS BEEN IN SYNCHRO WORLD FOR (1) DAY AND IS NOW A WANTED CRIMINAL!!! HOT GIRL SUMMERRRRR. (and by proximity, yuya and serena lol)

-LAYRA SAW COPS AND FLIPPED OUT. understandable but also WHO HURT U. SHINGO IMMEDIATELY NOT GIVING A FUCK AND IS READY TO DUEL THE COPS. SERENA TOO. honestly very iconic of everybody great job. except yuya who is just baffled and not 100% ready to throw down. Get with the PROGRAM yuya u cant fight cops with smiles.

-you know I understanding theyre tryin to duel their way out of it but letting ppl from synchro see: fusion, action cards, and pendulum in ONE GO seems DANGEROUS.

-sorry, but shingo being arrested while yuya is like YAY ACTION DUEL LET ME ENTERTAIN U ^_^ IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER. and everytime he asked layra if theyre okay they look like a goddamn espurr like O__O clearly NOT OK. VERY SCARED WITHOUT REIJI. WHY DID U BRING THIS TRAUMATIZED CHILD!!!

-there was a scene when yuya was like 'look at these beautiful ladies!" n his hippo girl monsters danced for an uncomfortably long time and the cops face kept being zoomed in on and he was like O__O this ep…i cant tell if its TRYING to make me laugh but it is, my god yuya u are making ME smile if no one else. for absolutely the Wrong Reason. the CHEERFUL TONE he takes on in this situation is SO NOT APPROPRIATE FOR THE GRAVITY OF BEING. ARRESTED. this cop hes dueling is also the most tirest man ive ever seen which makes it so much better

-crows entrance was absolutely INCREDIBLE. WITH THE MOODY THUNDER AND ALL!! HOLY SHIT. just the sound of revving in the distance building up to it CROWWWWW I LOVE U. still probably most excited for jack but STILL.

-ohh, yugo know doesnt what his parents look like huh…and yuzu doesnt know what her mom looked like? her dad, the most cheerful dude in the world never talked abt her? weird.. theres still the mystery of yuzu having her bracelet…id say maybe all the yuya/yuzu counterparts might be the same but no, yuya has both parents so…cannot rly do anything with this info rn…

-ok just a small thought, but in the op and the eps so far, the guy whos always looking over security (idk his name yet but he looks like this :>/) is implied to be the villain, and ig reijis dad might be one of the final villains, but we havent had any Very Present Active villains aside from GROUPS of invaders that are p much faceless…I want more like. Present Villains. does that make sense. dennis doesnt count btw hes just some guy whos hangin out.

-shingo just introduced yuya as his APPRENTICE. PLEASE. i love him so much hes the funniest guy ever. crow also immediately being like 'idk abt all this dimension stuff! but u guys can hang out here for however long u need to :)' LOVE U CROW

-my god DENNIS can juggle and do silly little magic stuff. ok. ive been very lukewarm to him but thats very cute. also 'gon-chan' PLS.

-also one of the bills he got as a tip had that little clown guy from 5ds on it. was he a …person who was important enough to be on money? i dont remember him very much except he had like. a clown wife. cannot recall his place in the plot or anything else LMAO

-yugo and yuzu just trying to convince randos on the street the WAR IS COMING AND THEY CAN TRAVEL DIMENSIONS. AND GETTING LAUGHED AT. HELP THEM.

-im running into traffic to defend gons honor. hes so mad dennis made him the villain in their silly little roleplay HAHA. dennis is like a campy little guy, even when hes outed as a traitor later I seriously seriously doubt itll stick or he'll be a real threat. hes a silly guy..also I just like his monsters designs a lot. (also, he outed xyz to synchro dimension too LMAO DUDE. now they have all the summoning methods u guys can use…)

-gallager is just. he introduces himself as a promoter but him and nico smiley are both like. pimps for duelists right. KAHSDKJ. love his outfit so much tho

-so…where the HELL did reiji land….mildly concerned about now, its been a few…eps and he hasnt been shown…where did he go……..is he ok…….is he with jack….

-ILLEGAL DUEL BETTING. GON IS SOOO OFFENDED TOO. AND THEN IT CUTS TO SHUN IMMEDIATELY IN IT. epic illegal bird moment. poor gon is having to play peacekeeper and is the only reasonable person of this trio

-crow explaining the tops STOLE riding duels and make commoners do it for fun..my god they gentrified riding duels

-very grateful yuya is the one kinda looking after layra in reijis absence. makes perfect sense since he kinda is a big bro figure to the kids at the duel school too! it adds a real softness to yuya that I like (ok lets be real hes already been pretty soft. gooey and warm center, like a cookie) for a second it panned to serena and i was thinking pls dont let the only girl in the group be the mother hen but no. she completely ignores layra and decided to go out on her own (shingo following her lol) bc shes sick of sitting around waiting and her main goal, in her Words is to Find Yuzu too. would it be weird to ship them since they..look the same supposedly….JSDKFJK its tht question of what ud do if u met a clone of urself/alt version of urself. would u kiss or kill them. serena is a Kiss the Clone kinda girl and I respect that

-'friendship cup' is the funniest name ever for a tournament. YOU HAVE TO ENTER. TO DUEL JACK. JACK IS THE PRIZE. TROPHY WIFE JACK. shun and dennis both want to fight jack sooo bad its so funny. me too (affectionate) the fact dennis and shun both took to riding bikes and dueling at the same time SO fast is. incredible. and their lil outfits….

-oh wait. this means the earlier tournament being canceled is just gonna lead into this one isnt it HAHAH i knew it couldnt be ygo without a full tournament arc….its fine. I actually dont DISLIKE these type of arcs even if they arent my favorite

-not sure if ive said it but I Must mention it: yuyas magicians have nonbinary swag

-who the hell is shinji. youre not yusei. bootleg yusei….where did they PUT YUSEI!!! are all the protags busy like DAMN!! WHERE ARE THEY!!! I understand on a meta level u wouldnt want them all in the series to take away protagswag from yuya but this series literally lends itself to a bbt style crossover! the whole series is a crossover! they shouldve had a lil movie or smth. I want. another bbt movie. but w the newer protags too. lke all 8-9(??) ygo protags...itd be FUN

-crow being such a DAD to a ton of kids is cute. and probably the best person layra couldve come to stay with tbh, hes obv concerned abt them ;_; babies. also him and yuya dueling bc crow thinks feeding kids is more important than making them smile…and yuya thinks making them smile is more important…no yuya i gotta side with crow here LMAO crow called yuya privileged too JDSFHKJ

-NINJA GUY!!! I FORGOT HE WAS WITH THE LANCERS?? i mean ive been seein him in the op but STILL. good he got layra outta there. the cops were going to arrest a CHILD. i mean ik yuya is a child too but layra is a CHILD child not a teen yk. omg jail arc???

-speaking of arcs. is this series called arc v. because. arc 5. as in fifth arc of the yugioh series. I was speculating to why it was called that last time and had the realization thats prob why JKSHDFK

-god we actually are getting a…prison arc…this is INCREDIBLE. why werent they given the prison uniforms everyone else has. btw yuya now would be the PERFECT time to bring ur inner demon out to break out

-the bosses absurdly large brick stack of cards is insane. ive never seen so many so neatly stcked in one place…bro what if someone knocked them over that would be a nightmare…

-the lil story with the boss was fun (and felt appropriate given hes dueling yuya, who is all abt Smiles and Entertaining and hed lost that…like gettin his spark back) …so the moral here is u can make friends with fellow inmates n have solidarity but the cops are always enemies. understandable and real

-so yuya should become the new prison boss. right. he beat the old boss. but whatever I guess they didnt want yuya to be a crimeboss...cowards

-so whenever someone tries breaking out, their friends/the ppl left behind get punished and taken somewhere they 'never return from'…thats…terrifying and would be pretty efficient to anyone with any kind of morals, but idk, i feel like anyone would get really desperate and try it anyway at a certain point if conditions are bad enough, their fellow inmates be damned..

-sorry but it has to be said though. this mans hair is a lizard straight up. with the little hands and everything. is anyone fucking talking about this.

-my god yugo cannot whistle at all. everytime i see him and yuzu im like. they are so funny i love them both so much SJADFHKJ we go a few eps w/out them and im so sad… btw..yuya is in jail, i kinda expected this friendship cup thing to involve them more heavily, but the :>/ guy said yugo and yuzu would be arrested when they showed up for it too and im like. is it even gonna be an Event or Not. i mean I LOVE prison arc but. Wondering

-'hey crow if ur gonna leave here (prison) can I come too..' YUYA. DO YOU THINK CROW OF ALL PEOPLE IS GOING TO LEAVE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS IN PRISON AND DITCH YOU ALL?? ITS CROW. CMON.

-yuya constantly looking like either the happiest dude ever (when its horribly inappropriate most of the time) or the saddest little kicked puppy alive makes me lose it. (and the third option of Murderously Possessed, but its been like 20 eps since weve seen that so..maybe the demon and yuto both peaced out. maybe they eloped. good for them)

-ok im going to need a gif of this PRONTO. shun how did you get there. HE SHOULDER DROPPED THIS MAN. XYZ BITCHES ARE BUILT DIFFERENT. XYZ REPRESENT!!!! he bodied like 15 more guards after this with his FISTS not even using his cards CMON LETS GOOO the prison break scene was AMAZING. also shingo grabbing some rare cards on the way out. best boy alert. why do his eyes glow in the dark.

-….hey shingo loses SO many duels its kind of funny. reminds me of watching manjoume from gx do the same thing. between them who has more losses. theyre both a certain…flavor of cringedude characters that i always end up liking…

btw Lightsworn Monster SPOTTED. I HAVE THIS CARD IN MY FAVORITE DECK!!! HIII FELIS!!!

-'what does a monster with 100 lp have to accomplish' -guy whos never heard of goddamn card effects. damn i thought these dudes were supposed to be the super efficient guards or whatever…anyway shun coming in with the literal xyz rescue was CUTE look at him functioning in a team ;w; good

-oh my god :>/ guy is named jean-michel roget. hes. hes french coded. u know wht i think i like my silly lil emoji name for him better. GOD DAMN they were SO close to escaping. CROW HAS KIDS AT HOME. ARGNH THEYRE TRYING TO SEPARATE SERENA TOO. BULLSHIT.

-REIJI FINALLY FINALLY SHOWING UP. WHERE WERE U. talking to a council I Guess. fucking negotiating. ok king of efficiency. he saved everyones asses with this. everyone say thank u reiji for everything, always.

-oh my god the friendship cup. theyre all being forced to demonstrate their abilities in the tournament . mandatory friendship cup. its a Full Circle. out of jail straight into the REAL tournament arc. i cant believe this.

-yuya vs jack. oh my god its going to happen. <- so excited to see jack i am going to throw UP

-crow called jack a traitor so. so they havent made up yet. I mean I FIGURED and yusei isnt HERE and i am :( I barely remember 5ds but I remember crow and jack bein silly together near the end…be FRIENDS or ELSE I will CRY

-yuzu's lil riding duel outfit is SO cute. pls. also yuzu crying with relief once she sees yuya is ok…baby ;_; theyre so Close to bein reunited….

-the problem with me trying to figure out how and why this series diverges from 5ds is that i remember Nothing Important from 5ds at all. i remember the dumbass details like that jack loved cup ramen JSDHKJ but its clearly an au (with..no yusei for some reason...) and im like. wondering if theyll ever explain WHY its an au from the original. or if im just supposed to Know. bc I Dont Yet

-I thought itd be really funny if jack DID defeat yuya in Three Turns like he said he was going to. and then he DOES. he beats him so hard yuya FLIES OFF HIS BIKE. AND BOUNCES. LMAO glad hes wearing a helmet at least. love u jack. also. i know it was probably framed in the way of jack being an asshole but I? kind of agree with him about this:

(I actually…said smth along these lines in my first arc v liveblog post:

almost word for word HAHA me and jack are on the same wavelength and he read yuya in like 10 seconds FLAT I am Amazed)

not that it's a BAD thing. he wants to make people happy, and it makes him happy in turn when theyre cheering for him! thats fine! (an irl example would be like, I enjoy making art for others to make them happy. but I also enjoy getting positive feedback for my own satisfaction!) absolutely nothing wrong with it!

HOWEVER. the impression I've gotten so far is that yuya gets upset when his opponent is the one being cheered for (a good example was the michio duel and that annoying trivia kid duel. he didnt seem real happy when the audience was rooting for them and not him!) as opposed to…I cant believe I'm comparing him to dennis but. the dennis v gon duel was a great example of what I think a more genuine entertainment duel should be…they were playing the roles of hero v villain, and dennis was great at improv there, quickly turning into the villain when Straight Man to his Comedy Guy routine Gon accused him of being the Real Villain in that situation. like he ROLLED with it and was perfectly fine with gon winning bc it suited their lil story and the audience loved it! I think entertainment dueling SHOULD be like that, like improv and acting bc you're entertaining ppl. ur a performer. u need to go w the flow more.

(Okay, this might not have been the best duel to show it off bc 1. hes dueling JACK of all ppl who declared hes gonna WIN and. he Will. 2. this is a situation where hes trying to showcase the strength of the lancers, so it wouldnt do to THROW the duel. but he couldve played into jacks dramatics a bit, made himself out to be more of a dramatic underdog, or a potential upstarter…for wanting to be an ENTERTAINER I want to see yuya channel his dramatics a LOT more than he does. esp w jack of all ppl!) to me it feels like yuya also ties a LOT of his self worth to how other ppl perceive his role in duels too which is Unhealthy (and again. is an extension of the 'smile when u want to cry' stuff imo, also pretty unhealthy) I…dont know if any of this is That Deep or theyre just trying to make jack seem like an asshole. I WANT it to be this deep bc its a REALLY interesting trait for a protag to have!

-kinda love how ppl in the Tops are dressed like old timey victorians. (also a lot of them have very western names) it just creates a very. unique vibe 

-can I also just say i LOVE LOVE LOVE the trope in ygo of 'person does what they think is the final finishing move, then theres smoke and everyone is like :0 and when the smoke clears, the person is still standing in the duel because of some trap/spell/effect' IT HAPPENS SO MUCH IN ARC V AND I EAT IT UP EVERYTIME.

-...jack gave this random child servant a card and told him it suited him and the kids mad jack 'changed' and got mad jack compared him to a 'weak card'...first off its gonna end up being smth like 'even weak cards have potential, none of them are useless, its like u, u feel like ur a low level but u also have potential' (which. very yusei thing btw) but also if my hero gave me a card i would literally be SO happy this kid is dumb asf. jack literally wasnt even being RUDE when he gave it to him and jack is usually SO Rude like CMON. 'wheeh i had NO cards and jack gave me one but its WEAK so i dont want it' this is called being ungrateful. i know hes a kid so I shouldnt be so annoyed but damn its rude. its a REALLY cute card too (not one I recognize and the text is in japanese but its a cute lil cyber girl with pink hair and a tuning fork and bc this is synchro I assume its a tuner monster or smth?)

-...went from jail to bougiest penthouse in the world. lmao and locked in his room....ur a rich persons pet now...'if u lose ur out of the penthouse' willing to bet its the same for jack since at the end of the day hes still. u know. a commons Guy cosplaying a bougie. funnily enough, the tops are saying 'as long as he keeps winning hes not a commons, hes one of us!' and the commons are saying 'hes a traitor who sold out!' then another commons guy being like 'NO jack is still OUR hero he doesnt belong to the tops!' etc. its like he cant fucking win no matter what he does! insane. jack ilu tho.

-...actually, first match is gon v crow. calling it now, gon loses his Stand In One Place shtick isnt gonna work v a motorcycle. i kinda think I want crow to win this tournament actually to duel jack KJHSDKJ i know itll prob be yuya but cmonnnn. its PERSONAL for crow. btw does this mean gon will be homeless for the rest of the friendship cup stuff since if u lose u get kicked outta the penthouse. where will he GO. ...tbh since crow has kids waiting at home for him it might be better if he loses first so he can take the losers of this tournament back home w him so they dont. go to jail again? maybe? we’ll see!!

very very fun stretch of eps, I binged SO many last night and tonight :3

[twisted-in-wonderland-jay]

Birthday from the boys (NRC)

Something to know for reading all of this is that I’m going to try my best to write platonic relationships that can be implied as romantic. Because some people may like a character but not feel romantic feelings towards them but still would like to know how they would act on their birthday.

Part two is the teachers and RSA

Riddle

He would prune the garden himself, regardless of the queen of hearts laws he would paint the roses your favorite color

He would lead you to the garden where the two of you would have tea and talk for hours

Eventually taking you around the garden

Ace

Out of all of these boys, he’s the one that’s most likely to forget your birthday

This man did not write it down

He overhears you talking with the other first years and them saying happy birthday. Then it finally clicks and he remembers that today is your birthday and he plays it off like he remembered

He’s not being mean in any way he just honestly doesn’t remember birthdays well

He talks with the first years while you’re not around and plans a little sleepover of sorts at your dorm

When you come back to your dorm for the night you find all of the first years there and they’re just kind of chilling in the lounge

They bring out a cake for you saying that they all baked and decorated it themselves but with the experience that the first years have it’s a strange-looking cake but it does it taste all that bad it’s just a lot of frosting and decorations because each one of them wanted to add a personal touch.

You guys have fun run around the dorm causing trouble

Then once it turns 12 you guys decide to settle down for the night and plot twist you don’t actually go to bed but instead play Mario kart till 3 AM

Deuce

He would try his hardest the whole day to make it the most perfect and kind of relaxing day ever. But utterly fail

In his eyes, he failed but it’s not that big of a deal

He’ll try to hold the door open for you or carry you around for fun and either, drop you, or trip

He feels really bad the whole day that he keeps messing everything up and it keeps getting less and less romantic

At the end of the day, you assure him that you had the best time and it was very fun. Which he doesn’t really believe because again he feels like he failed but he’s glad you had a good time.

He also stays the night hanging out with you until you fall asleep.

Trey

He would bake you a cake from scratch and decorated it with little flowers of your favorite color

He’s a really sweet guy so he would invite a couple of your close friends maybe three or four of them so that you’re not alone on your birthday and you also won’t have any leftover cake because you’ll eat it all.

A very nice and sweet get together messing around having fun

Cater

The morning would start very easy with the simple happy birthday and him taking you skateboarding you don’t have to go to a skating park or anything like that he’s just gonna teach you a couple of tricks.

But progressively throughout the day, it gets more centric and fun

At the end of the night can you both watch fireworks after you’ve just got done bungee jumping...

Leona

He’s not going to skip his morning to afternoon nap to tell you happy birthday even if he does care

A prince got to get his beauty sleep

When he wakes up he goes and attempts to find you and if he doesn’t he just goes man and gives up but if he does find you he tells you happy birthday and then walks off

Depending on your relationship with him he could be very distant and not caring but if you go and hang out with him during the afternoon when he’s not sleeping he’s pretty chill about it not really caring that you’re there if you have a negative disposition towards him he might care and tell you to leave.

Ruggie

He would take you shopping for the day

You might think he doesn’t have any money but those are jobs that he’s been working aren’t for nothing

He took all of the money he could for an entire month of work and saved it up spending it on your birthday

“What?! this is only part of my savings, not my entire Life funds” hehe...

Jack

Since magic mirrors make travel very easy he decides to take you back to his hometown

Not to meet his parents or anything but just to hang out because he talks about home a lot and wants to take you. What better time than your birthday

He takes you around his town and tells you about all of these places that he has memories that as well as putting you in the general direction of where he lives

He takes you to do all the fun things you can think of where he lives

When you both go back tonight NRC he quickly takes you by his dorm so he can grab something

He comes back with his gift to you which is a little cactus for you to take care of.

Azul

He wouldn’t have a birthday party for you

He would however have you meet him in the lounge

you two would have dinner together

Just the two of you...

you’ll take a walk through dorms halls just to talk in this moment you share alone

Jade

He would hang out with you if you wanted him to if you didn’t want him to he would tell you to go hang out with your friends since it is your special day

He would give you some sort of terrarium or if you’re not into those he would give you a rare plant for you to take care of as a gift

If you did want to hang out with him and you didn’t care where you went he’d invite you to a botanical garden for the day.

Whether you like it or not he’ll probably talk on and on about each plant and its properties in medicine and poison

Floyd

He would throw a great surprise birthday party for you

He’s got all of your favorite foods your favorite drink an awesome cake

And somehow he surprisingly kept this under wraps until the time of your birthday party

It would be in you’re dorm, and don’t worry afterward he would help you clean up the mess

When you walk in the door he has everyone holding confetti launchers... which he 100% is going to help you clean up after a lot of convincing

Kalim

This man knows how to throw parties and that’s terrifying

He would throw a massive party for you

He’s inviting all of NRC as long as they’re friends with you. Hell if you had friends in RSA he would invite them too.

He would have one of your other friends distract you for the day because it’s going to take the entire day to set up this banquet

He’s got everything a giant cake, fancy lights, a lounge area, a DJ, a chocolate fountain anything and everything that you would need for a successful party

Throughout the day if you try to go see him at all somebody’s always there to stop you and to distract you

You guys party for the whole night

Jamil

He would not throw a birthday party for you

As we all know he’s not really a people person

Chill about it passes you in the hall and says happy birthday

He offers to make you dinner but if you want to you can always decline

Although there is one thing you can’t decline and that’s the magic carpet ride he wants to take you on

He wouldn’t ask to borrow the magic carpet he’d just do it

Vil

He would throw a big banquet for you regardless of what you want

He’ll probably say something along the lines of “Fufufu do you think I have the time to do all this? someone else said it was a good idea and they did all the work it’s not as if I care or have time to.” But we all know he cares

He about all of Pomefiore if you have to invite any of your friends outside of the dorm he would be a little irritated and save fine I guess you can about your “other friends”

Epel

It would be the beginning of the day and he’s down the hall in spots you. He would immediately not yell your name but scream it and run to you yelling happy birthday. It would make quite the scene but he wants everyone to know that it’s your birthday and also Vil would probably hate the fact that he just screamed.

He asks you if you’re ready to “rock and roll” (for anyone who doesn’t know this is just a saying to ask if you’re “ready to go”)

He’s taking you on a trip to go do a bunch of fun stuff in town and to probably prank some people because why not.

Rook

Wouldn’t throw you a party instead he would probably stop by your dorm and announce his presence and sing you happy birthday.

Bring you some sort of small gift

He would tell you that he will follow you the whole day and you can do whatever you want with him

Rook is rather chill compared to some of the other boys. However, if you want him to he can take over because he’s kept note of what you like to do so he would take you to do things that you like.

Idia

He wouldn’t do anything special for your birthday

In fact, he’d probably have Ortho buy three slices of cake only, for the three of you

Throughout the day he doesn’t say anything about it

When you go to his dorm later he tells you happy birthday you guys eat the cake together

He kind of half-heartedly apologizes for not being able to throw a proper birthday party for you and that he’s sorry but his anxiety kind of got the best of him.

To make up for it he offers to play games with him until you want to leave

Before you leave he gives you a flower. An Asphodel The primary symbolic meaning of the Asphodel flower is peace after death and the afterlife, but this is not the meaning that is implied it is a white flower which generally symbolizes purity also it’s a symbolic flower of Hades

Ortho

He throws a big party at your dorm (if your dorm is Ignihyde he’d take it somewhere else), not ignihyde. Because the students are quite antisocial and it would be very disruptive.

He would invite all of your best friends

It is the cutest surprise birthday party ever

There would be fireworks, trick candles, and so many fun childish games that you would play at a party

Malleus

Malleus is somewhere in between depending on what you want so no this won’t be a surprise birthday

He’ll either throw a big party for you in the diasomnia dorm inviting basically everyone from all the dorms as long as they know you

Or if you’re more on the reserve side or you want a smaller party he’ll have a couple of your close friends join him and going to your dorm and having a get-together little party for you.

If you want to though he is 100% okay with just you and him hanging out for the day

Sebek

This man is crazy

He wrote down your birthday and planned weeks in advance

He would write down everything that you like in hopes that when it becomes your birthday he has everything that you could ever want on that day

He tries his best to bake a cake but then realizes that he’s actually really good at it

On the day of you’d think that he be really loud and excitable and overbearing but in fact, he is the complete opposite being very considerate and not quiet but an inside voice because he doesn’t want to stress you out or seem disingenuous.

He doesn’t host a party for all of your friends it’s just you and him. The reason for this and putting in so much effort just for you and him is because he’s rather shy when it comes to not just romantic feelings but platonic feelings as well not showing people how he really feels especially when it’s around other people as well. So it’s kind of to make himself feel more comfortable as well

Silver

Silver isn’t the party kind of person so he’ll probably get you a cute little gift like a bouquet of roses specifically white roses to symbolize purity or maybe a charm bracelet.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to throw you a birthday party it’s just that he doesn’t know how to go about it since the only parties ever really celebrated is his own because of Lilia when he was younger.

If you say something about not having a party or a cake he’ll get a little sad thinking that he might have failed you.

He’ll probably just follow you around doing whatever you wanted for the day as long as you didn’t have class.

He would also have a cute little lunch with you of food that he made before. You guys would probably go sit in the courtyard and eat next to a tree. Be careful though he may or may not fall asleep...

You might have to wake you’re sleeping, Prince

Lilia

He’ll invite you to a concert and then right as the performance is about to start he’ll say something like he has to use the restroom or he’s going to get a drink and he’ll be right back he promises.

As the performance is starting and the lights turn off you start to worry that he’s going to miss it

And then as the stage lights turn on and you see him on stage getting ready to perform

He’s going to perform an entire album that he and the light music club came up with for you as a birthday gift

Knowing him at the end of the performance he’s probably going to get off the stage to go and kiss you (Not necessarily on the lips if it’s a platonic relationship it’s probably on the forehead with the cheek as a sign of affection no love).

[all-things-fic]

Somewhere Only We Know

A/N - Hello, you lovely lot! Hope you are all keeping well in these utterly shit Covid times. Who would’ve thought that we would still be here in December?! Please see my offering for @goldenbluesuit​‘s Christmas Fic Challenge. Hope I’ve done a bit of justice with this piece.

I can remember Katie texting me telling me about the challenge, and I’ll admit I was given first dibs and now I’m absolutely shitting myself because I’ve seen all the brillaint entries so far and I’m not sure I really cut the mustard with this piece but I’m proud of myself for being able to put a solid 70% of this together in just one day (that one day being today).

Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Katie has done a brilliant job and I know how grateful she is towards anyone who has joined the challenge or supported by reading/sharing etc.... I need to stop rambling... Okay, thank you for sticking with me as always and happy reading! .x

***

The last thing you remembered actually reading in the group chat was “make sure you have your wellies”. You were glad that you remembered that part at the very least.

Winds whipped around you as you buried your face further into your cream roll neck cable knit jumper, all but hidden underneath your tobacco borg teddy coat that someone had already likened to Macklemore.

Nothing like being back home with your closest and oldest friends.

Mud squelched under your feet as you walked in line with two of your oldest girl friends, eyes looking over the four males in front of you as they led the way over the grassy hills.

There had been zero planning on what today’s events would bring. It was quite clear that the seven of you just wanted to be reunited with the country air and wind bitten cheeks.

It was nice. How simple it was. On the surface at the very least. That was until you zoned in on the little things. 

Like his laugh. The same laugh that always carried somehow and it seemed like the wind was making it that much more prominent than usual today.

There was no denying, he had this glow about him. Even from the back of him. You felt silly for thinking it, but it was true. It was in the way he held himself as he attacked the grassy hills with his feet clad wellies and brown trousers.

Life had changed a lot in over a decade. Christ, had it been that long? You’d all gone from baby teenagers to fully fledged adults. The age range of your friendship differing slightly, the odd person here and there slightly older than a couple of people in the group.

Nonetheless, many of the experiences had been the same. The big job offers, and the even bigger promotions. The heartbreaks, regardless of their prominence or lack of, had been the felt the same. The flirtation between some of you sparked probably a bit more so now with a finesse that didn’t have you rolling your eyes but rather leaning into it. 

Four out of seven of you were single. Jack and Jonny were virtually married off, however neither of them were with their partners this year with both deciding to spend Christmas at home and New Years with their significant others. Alice was still loved up and going strong with her fella, as was Grace who you hadn’t heard a peep from as she constantly checked her phone to see when the person she was besotted with finally arrived up North thanks to West Midlands Trains pulling into Crewe. 

So that left Will, you and Harry. Harry who had  quite publicly made it known that he was single. Well, according to your Mum he had, in several interviews. Including the one that she had described as an ‘incredibly relaxing watch and nice background noise to my Sunday evening brew and ironing session’. 

That was a strange one for you, his honesty. In earlier years of friendship, he always seemed quite aloof. Like he was keeping his options open. Guarded in a way that frustrated at least 75% of the friendship group, in the nicest way possible. You knew that was a contradiction but any annoyance came from a good place. 

You remembered one night in 2014 when he wouldn’t quite give you a straight answer over tequila shots whether he was shagging someone or not. You also remember the way he’d been pulled away from you tactfully by Alice that night when she sensed how you were about to blow up at his lackadaisical attitude. 

The same had been felt in 2016. Not so much in 2018, but you weren’t single then so maybe you just didn’t care. 

2019 was significantly different though.

See the thing was, you knew him now. Like, knew knew him. 

Some would think it was a lapse of judgment, a reading that you would agree upon given what had happened two days prior if ever prodded about it publicly.

Others would vehemently disagree. Stating how long any sort of energy between the two of you had been bubbling for a number of years. 

Looking back you couldn’t even understand why you’d attended his show. You lived in Camden and it made sense, but that’s where the sense stopped. Even the ways he had reached out had been one of the most random messages you’d received from him

There was no context, just a simple ‘I’m playing the Electric Ballroom and there’s tickets waiting for you if you want ‘em.’

And the thing was, you loved that venue. The grungy-ness of it all. The way you had stuck to the floor while trying to dance along to the likes of The Hives and Kings of Leon when seeing them playing there, basking in your sweaty happiness. 

But the stickiness of the floor and sweatiness of the room didn’t compare to the stickiness and sweatiness you later found yourself partaking in as Harry took you from behind over the side of his couch. 

A shiver rolled through you at the thought, one that you would blame on the December bitter chill because it was a secret. One that neither of you had mentioned since it happened on Thursday night, or to be technically correct the early hours of Friday morning. 

He’d been good. Of course he had been.

He had that way about him that night that pulled you under a false sense of endeared security. From his dimpled smile to gleaming eyes. He was happy. 

And the way he had shone as he found you on the balcony had warmed you like nothing you had known in the longest time.

It caused you to forget about the worry that had laden you limbs as you turned up at 9.13pm to the wooden doors of the building, wondering how many songs he was in to the set as you convinced yourself he would start at 9.00pm.

As you’d been ushered over to a clear box window and uttered your name to a dorky looking man wearing a tracksuit pull over and watched him handover a white envelope through the circle hatch. 

You stood in the dark, next to two much younger girls who enjoyed the way his glances lingered over at their side. Eyes had found Gemma in the opposite corner of the balcony, her dancing and singing with some recognisable faces mainly more so because you had seen them on social media.

You, however, kept yourself to yourself. Until you were anchored in the tightest hug from Gemma that you had ever felt from her and swayed from side to side as she made it known how pleased she was to see you once the concert was over. 

That familiarity had been nice. The vibrancy of nostalgia consuming you in your entirety. 

Watching him work a room when he finally entered the after party was a sight to behold, in his navy blue pinstripe suit and yellow ‘I’m gonna die lonely’ t-shirt. 

He wasn’t. Gonna die lonely, that is. 

He glided so smoothly from one person to the next, spilling a drink down himself in the process you’d seen (and later felt when your hand clung to the fabric of his t-shirt as you kissed), making time for everyone in his own unique way.

Big eyes followed you over Gemma’s shoulder when he had finally found himself within your circle and hugged his sister once more that evening. They were hard to read but also openly filled with a glimmer of hope as he dropped his gaze to see what you were wearing.

And when he approached you, he hugged you in a way that managed to pull you into the darkened corner of the dingy space. Spinning your body to keep your face concealed from any prying eyes. 

He revealed to you how he didn’t think you were going to turn up, scanning you with his gaze as he spoke. You did the same, a bit taken aback by just how attractive you were finding him. He had always been handsome but the aura he gave off, made your fingers itch to have him closer to you. 

Words ran away from you that night as he begged and pleaded with you to tell him what your favourite song had been. Based on first impressions, which the show has been, then Canyon Moon and Watermelon Sugar had smothered you and given you no other option but to pick them.

If he were to ask you now you’d probably say To Be So Lonely, thanks to the drive home being longer than originally thought and said album being your choice of road trip music. 

Forget Driving Home For Christmas, nothing slapped more than one of your closest friends admitting to being an arrogant son of a bitch. 

After your chat, he mingled some more but Harry was always tactile and that night had been no different. He veered conversations with people you had never seen before to take place by the zone that you all occupied.

He actively kept his back against yours, allowing the faintest of touches and brushing of arms - sometimes hands too if he dropped them down heavily enough with his arms as he spoke - to entice and create a spark. 

You were kept late enough to miss the last tube. Battery dangerously low on your phone that you didn’t know if a transaction with Uber would be worth a try. 

Jumping into the same car as him had been easy. His soft and tired eyes findings yours in the cab as he leant his head back against the headrest in the back seat and let his lips tip upwards in an expression of tenderness that had you melting in your seat. 

“‘S been a while since we’ve both been a bit pissed in the back of a taxi,” he mused, pushing his fallen locks out of his eyes to ensure his view of you wasn’t obscured. “Come an’ cuddle me like you used to do when we went out a’ home and were worse for wear.”

Falling into his side was almost second nature, eyes closing as you let your forehead rest against his jawline and let his worn in cologne fill you senses and scatter your judgment.

You don’t even remember how you ended up kissing that night. A mixture of confessions about missing each other and praise of how good you both were in your own ways. The sound of his whispered, “are you coming home wi’me?” against your lips an offer too good for you to refuse as you sat pressed into his side and half in his lap. 

The giggles that night, around dramatic shushes as you tripped and shuffled from the car to his front door were almost haunting in your memory as he tried to chastise you around spluttered laughter about being respectful of his neighbours. 

Getting the key in the lock proved unchallenging -  one of the better analogies aligned to your memories and latter sexual endeavours - as you slipped into the house. He enjoyed watching the way you walked ahead of him into his home, not realising how much he needed that visual of seeing how well you fit in. 

While time seemed to slow in that moment, movements desperately sought the opposite. Hands gripped and clawed like their lives depended upon it. 

Looking back now, both he and you wished it hadn’t happened the way it did. Skirt lifted and over the side of his couch. Teeth clashing and hips knocking.

It had been every inch a drunken fumble. A first meeting slightly cheapened but wanted nonetheless. Only made even cheaper by the hush-hush concealing of it ever occurring. 

But a secret it was and a secret it would remain. 

And oh how you wished you had a pillow you could press you face into right now and scream, this time for an entirely different reason. Unlike that night. 

“Not seen a sign of any deer yet, mate,” you heard a voice break you out of your indulgence of recollecting past events. Harry was the worst at wanting to get a reaction. 

“Christ, have a bit of patience would yer?”

You smiled at the bickering, just like it always was as the River Dane could be heard in the distance somewhere as you walked. If you listened really close, that is. 

Lifting your eyes, your smile lingered as you watched Harry spin his body around and let his hands get lost in the massive pockets of his parka. He walked backwards holding your gaze softly with his eyes twinkling before he gently rolled them at the overreaction and impatience of your friends.

He seemed pleased that you’d enjoyed his teasing as you once again hid you smile into your jumper. 

You’d be alright.

***

You heard giggles and screams ahead of you as your friends stumbled in the dark and messed about as you got closer to the viaduct. This place or the people didn’t change, and at times while it filled you with a warm nostalgia, it could be heavily jarring.

A soft and lazy smile pulled at your lips as you felt his heavy forearm lightly tug you closer to him, his lips finding your hair. And then there was Harry. 

“Think we should go this way m’self,” Harry mumbled, the nudge of his hips against yours had you stumbling slightly in your heels away from the direction of your friends and somewhere completely different. 

“And why’s that?” You turned your face slightly, cheeks warm and flushed thanks to the mixture of alcoholic beverages; eyes glazed as they lifted up to look at him. 

“Cause you never would’ve let me when I was sixteen,” he admitted. 

“You didn’t ask.”

“‘M askin’ now.” 

With slow blinking eyes, you looked at his own unfocused vision. A soft shine to his skin, hair blowing gently against his forehead. The softest of smiles tilted at your lips.  

“On yer go,” he nudged you forward, this time more so with his crotch and his hands, which wrapped around your hips to help steer you. Harry was met with only a small amount of resistance from you as you split off from your friends and turned in the different direction. 

You bit back your laugh, dropping your head slightly as you felt your heels started to sink into the grass as you walked. Harry was level with you when you sunk down noticing the way you legs slightly gave way, a soft chuckle omitting from his throat as he asked, “You alrigh’?”

“I’m sinking in these bloody things,” you grumbled, pulling your heel from the grass and trying to place the sole of your shoe onto the ground beneath you first. 

“So much for no’ being able to take the country out o’ the girl. London’s changed yer, swear it.”

Shaking your head, you cut your eyes to give him a harsh stare for his wind up. His amused expression lit a fire in you like no other. He really wasn’t one to talk though, was he? 

“Gi’me your hand ‘ere,” he held his out to you, quickly cupping it when you handed it over and pulled it under his bent elbow. “Remind me again who’s idea this was, eh?”

He didn’t need reminding, he had been one of the keen instigators for the whole jaunt down Twemlow Viaduct. It usually was him, or Jack. The two of them often reminiscing on times they had both raided their parents' alcohol cupboards and managed to sneak out with some dusty bottle that held a liquor that tasted out of date and stale, and if not that then, cheap. 

“‘S still fucking freezing down ‘ere, in’it?” He asked, lifting his left hand up to his mouth and blowing against it to try and get some feeling back into his fingers.

“We’re so close to the river, I don’t know why you’d expect anything different?”

“Is this why everyone was always so insistent on necking anything with over 11% alcohol in it when we came down ‘ere as kids?”

“Probably,” you softly laughed. 

“‘S a bit different now though innit?”

“Oh, I’m not so sure,” you started to correct him, shrugging your hand out from under his elbow and reaching for your bag. Quickly fumbling with the clasp, you lifted up the quilted flap and managed to pull out the stainless steel hip flask.

Harry cackled a harsh laugh, his eyes crinkling as he slowly let his laughter die down and softly let his joy wash over his features. “Impressive. Gone all proper on me.”

“You know I haven’t,” you held his eyes watching as he nervously cupped at the back of his neck for a short while, a gentle bite down of his bottom lip, as you quickly uncapped the item and held it out to him. He looked like he needed the courage.  You continued, “We’re just a bit more refined, that and we earn a good living. Some more than others, and by some I mean you.” 

He held his hand up towards you with an amused grin at your comment. “You first, ‘s yours after all.” 

Lifting the item and knocking back your head, you swallowed the whiskey with a small grimace, before offering it to Harry once more. This time he accepted, his right hand making light work of taking the item from your hands and sipping at the contents.

His face wasn’t as contorted as your’s when he swallowed, a fan of the chosen beverage if needs must. “‘S the proper stuff, tha’ is,” he commented with a quick lick of his lips before continuing, “Come a long way from sneaking the bottles of dusty Blossom Hill from the back of the cupboard.”

“Don’t know about that,” you smiled, taking the item and pushing it back into your bag. “I’d still drink if, if it were on offer.”

“‘M sure Mum’s got a bottle or two going at home?”

“Is that your way of asking me to go home with you?” You paused. “Again.”

Harry remained silent at your words. Both you and he knew it was going to happen. A mixture of sparks and lovelorn, lingering glances was enough to make anyone both want to give up, while also giving a burning confidence usually unknown. 

Neither of you expected it would be you who started the conversation, however. 

“It is, ‘f it’s gonna work. ‘M not sure I could wait any longer t’be’onest wi’yer.“

Laughing, you reached up to push at his shoulder. He always knew exactly what to say, but no way was he going to make a laughing stock of the whole thing. “Oh, give over,” you spoke, harshly swallowing when he kept your hand against the thick cable knit black jumper he had on. “You’ve made it this far, thus far just fine.” 

“‘M not playin’,” he whispered, hand gently curling around your own and lifting it up to press against his face. His cheeks were warm underneath the cooler hands, despite the cold night whipping around you both and your mind quickly wondered if he was just as embarrassed for his lack of acknowledgment as you had been. “Homes nice, you’re nicer.”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about it,” you let your soft voice get taken by the wind.

“An’ what gave you tha’ impression?”

He did. He gave you that impression. By not mentioning it. By treating you how he always did.

“You.”

“Me?” Harry responded, indignantly, blowing out a sigh that had his cheeks puffing out underneath your hand. “‘M not doing a very good job then am I? I can’t keep m’eyes off o’you. ‘S not my fault you don’t bloody notice ‘em.”

But you had noticed them. 

His eyes, gaze following your every move, near enough. Stupid little touches. Glances of approval. Not just now, but from years before. 

Treating you how he always did.

Oh, treating you how he always did.

Bringing your eyes back to his figure, you saw the way his gaze darted and nervousness dragged at his features. A frown began to set itself between his eyebrows from worry. 

“Changes everything.”

Running his tongue along his teeth, Harry pursed his lips. “Everythin’ has changed, changed a long time ago an’all.” 

You dropped your hand down, it now massaging against the back of his neck and shoulder as you felt the tension of his body radiating through his clothes. Under the dim moonlight and the odd spotlight that had been added to the viaduct with each passing year for safety, Harry exhumed everything anyone would want in a boyfriend. He was soft, and so bloody gorgeous. Not just because he was personification of an almost six foot tall string of handsomeness, but his character did the talking for him.

He knocked the door before he walked into a room, for example. Who really did that kind of thing anymore? 

But you could also still see the heartbreak that lingered, albeit not as strong as it once was, it was still there. And that was problematic and scary. To be on the receiving end of it. Not that you would hold it against him, because you had been him at one point too. At many points in fact. 

When the two of you had shagged, because let’s face it that is exactly what it had been, while a sense of familiarity in the person was prevalent it was definitely overruled by the desire to just hit a euphoric high that if hit right could not be topped. 

Familiar overruled in other aspects, and it wasn’t to be brushed away. But was familiarity a mask that would slip sooner rather than later? Was it the start and the end?

The both of you experienced similarities in your life that could not be matched by the friends in your friendship group. London had chewed you up and spat you out, ruthlessly so. While rewarding you with long hours but fat pay cheques, careers that catapulted you to new heights and enabled you to see parts of the world that two country kids (which in one way you were) could never have imagined. 

Sure Harry’s had been on a much, much larger scale - you would not ever deny that - but you no longer fit in. 

And neither did he. 

This was a place that only the two of you knew. A place where you watched those around you fall in love and have the time to do so. A place where your friend's happiness was created a lot easier than it wasn’t and allowed a sense of success to weave its way in, through the most unexpected of happenings.

Not a place where you found happiness in your work because there was less of a space for happiness to blossom elsewhere. Not really. Not like you; both of you. 

Understanding was vital. 

This had been a place you knew like the back of your hand. A place that had you feeling the earth beneath your feet, fresh air in your lungs and had at times made it so you found yourself sitting by a river and finding yourself feeling complete. 

Yet looking over at the almost 26 year old, that just wasn’t the case anymore. 

And for once you didn’t feel alone. 

The sound of the odd piece of cobbled pavement underneath Harry shoes, buried beneath overgrown grass and plants, broke you from your thoughts, as you watched him kick at the ground and scuff his shoes.

He sighed, head tilted back before he knocked it to the side and caught your eyes. A small scoffed laugh left his lips as he shook his head and dropped his gaze to his feet.

“‘S it fucked?”

You hummed, a small frown lacing your features.

“Fucked it, haven’t I? Fuckin’- idiot-“ he breathed out a noise as he clenched his teeth, one that wasn’t quite a growl but enough to let you know he was agitated. Only strengthened by how tight his jaw became. 

Before you could even think, the back of your hand gently brushed against the pulsing hinge of his jaw. Muscles taut as you tried to soothe him in a way that your mind was screaming was far too intimate.

You didn’t want him having any internal battle about right and wrong. Not when you had both taken the same steps to get here. 

“Thought it was just meant as a one time thing,” you admitted. “Like you needed it, and I needed it. Was what it needed to be at the time. Bit rough, bit sloppy-“

You cringed are the use of the word. Wanting the ground to swallow you in a weird fashion. You should be able to talk open and honestly with someone who you had known longer than hadn’t. 

“Rough?“ Harry swallowed audibly, his face fallen. “That’s not-“ 

His eyes held an emotion similar to sorrow at the mention of the word. “That’s not the impression I wanted to give you.” 

“We were both drunk, it happens.” 

“Not with me it doesn’t. Not when it’s me, wanting to be wi’you.”

“I mean I was into it if that helps anything?” 

“Were yer?”

You looked at him from the corner of your vision, watching his lips try to fight a smile as you rolled yours into your mouth to not give yourself away. You knew what you were trying to do by speaking those words aloud but you wished you hadn’t. Awkward breathy laughs were shared by the two of you as you held his eyes. 

“Was I?”

You hummed in agreement to answer his question, letting your smile dance along your lips now and watching as Harry’s dimples started to show. His expression was youthful, slightly smug. 

“Good t’know.”

***

Finishing saying your goodbyes to your friends and ignoring their suggestive expression because ‘Harry was stopping as an extra pair of hands’, you shut the heavy wooden door and reached up to close the deadbolt lock at the top. Shortly after, you let your feet drop as you stopped standing on your tiptoes and pressed your forehead against the door. 

The silence of the pub was always a strange one to you. A place that was usually thriving, whether it was just your friends, or your parents friends. When the lights were turned out, it was actually quite a lonely place. Regardless of growing up around this sort of industry your entire life and having parents as publicans nothing was more depressing than an empty bar, lifeless and nothing like it was intended.

A suggested lock-in from Jack, who managed to interrupt both yours and Harry’s conversation earlier had not been a bad shout after all. You knew it meant that you would have to deal with the fallout with it being Christmas Eve, but it wasn’t very often that you found yourself in the setting. 

Turning to move from the door, you almost jumped out of your skin when you heard the opening of a familiar Lily Allen song start to play over the speakers. 

Harry emerged from the corner of the pub that housed the jukebox, slowly rubbing his hands together before he wordlessly picked up the scattered pint glasses that had remained on one of the tables that had been missed by the staff on the evening shift. His eyes glanced over at you, as you stood with a hand to your chest.

This wicked smile and gleam washed over his face as he paused his movement. “Did I scare yer?”

“Do you not think it’s a bit loud?”

He wrinkled his nose at you, a soft shake of his head no, to answer your question. 

“‘S your fave innit?” He asked, head nudging to where the jukebox was now hidden.

With a small smile you nodded, “Prefer the Keane version in all honesty.”

“Don’t have it in the bloody jukebox though, d’yer? Can’t like it that much.”

Your smile deepened at his exclaim and how prominent his accent sounded as he spoke, the small clink of the glasses he was holding only heard if you really zoned in. 

“Where d’yer want these?” He asked, holding up the five pint glasses he had collected. “Behind t’bar?”

Humming, you nodded and watched as he weaved his way through the tables to you. You frowned as he got closer, not understanding why he hadn’t bypassed you completely.

Once he was close enough to you, you watched as he reached for what you knew to be your own glass of wine that was almost finished. 

“Fancy the rest of this or can it go too?”

Looking at him and down to the glass, you gently wrapped your hand around it and brought the lip to your mouth. You knocked the item back quickly, swallowing the rest of your wine, before handing over the now empty glass back to Harry.

“Good girl,” he joked, light laughter lacing each word. “Sit yourself down.”

Wearing an amused and quizzical expression, you let yourself sink down into the wooden chair. Resting your chin on your hand, you spun slightly in your seat to keep your eyes on Harry as he placed the glasses down and lifted the hatch so he could step behind the bar. 

With your free hand, you started to tap the worn beer coaster labelled with the Cheshire Brewhouse logo against the table. Part of you hated how Harry had a knack for anything, including knowing his way around a bar. 

He busied himself with collating the glasses once more as you let your eyes take in the surroundings you had known, loved and even grown out of. 

Your parent’s pub was cosy and friendly. A truly 

classic and quintessential British village pub, featuring open fires, bookcases found in the very far corner or the jukebox in the other, lots of old oak and a really pleasant garden with benches for the summat and heaters for the winter. You know the kind that had its regulars that had kids who had seen each other grow up.

The bar was the centre of the pubs house, with an extensive array of whiskies amongst many other delights. A nice range of local ales and a well-balanced, great quality list of wines on offer designed (which you would be taste testing if the service hadn’t decided to take a break) to complement the food menus designed daily by a team of chefs who all have a passion for great cooking using fresh, seasonal and local ingredients.

It looked as Christmassy as Christmas could get, with a real tree which was locally sourced from one of the many surrounding farms and traditionally decorated with golds and reds. Twinkly lights shone, not only on the trees but as part of the garland that was hung above the bar each year, much to the annoyance of your Dad and the delight of your Mum.

Slowly dragging your eyes back to the bar, you watched Harry as he poured you another glass of white wine and started to recap the bottle. He must’ve felt your eyes on him, his gaze meeting yours almost immediately. 

“Service is a bit slow,” you jibed, once you knew he was with you. “Going to ruin the reputation of a fine establishment.”

His chuckle was breathy in response, but warmed you through as he turned his back and pushed his tumbler glass up against the device at the bottom of the Glenfiddich distilled malt whiskey, not once but twice going for a double. 

“Helping yourself to the stock now, as well.” 

“‘M sure your Dad won’t mind,” he responded, twisting his body back around to reach for your own glass and place it onto a tray that sat along the bar top. “In fact he’d probably make a comment about how it’d put hairs on m’chest.”

You laughed, unrestrained, knowing just how right he had been with that comment. 

Over the otherside of the room, Harry smiled and shushed you as he walked closer, easily holding the tray with your drinks upon it. “Being a bit loud,” he taunted as he slid the tray down to the oak table.

“Oh, now you’re concerned about the noise.”

With his hand against the back of the chair which was currently housing your outstretched legs, you felt him start to wobble the seat to give you a warning. 

“Hang on,” you said, “Plenty of other chairs.”

“This one’s mine,” he responded.

Wanting to roll your eyes but deciding not to, you let your legs drop down and gave the seat back to Harry. Once he was comfortable and he’d taken your drink off the tray, he gestured with his right hand.

Not entirely focused, he had to do the ‘come hither’ motion a couple of times before you finally cottoned on. He was willing to let you put your legs on his lap instead, while he may have taken the seat it didn’t mean he wanted to take away your comfort.

No sooner had your legs been raised to rest against his tan washed velvet corduroy trousers, was he fiddling with the buckle of your stiletto sandals.

“Got mud everywhere,” you commented, wiggling your toes that were painted a festive red and inspecting the little dots of dirt that were splattered against your skin, as Harry dropped the first shoe to the floor and quickly worked on the second. “Dread to think what they smell like.”

“Smell alrigh’ from ‘ere,” he mused, smirk faint but glaring obvious in his tone of voice as he threw a quick and mischievous glance at you. As you elongated your foot against his thighs, the tips of your toes were just about able to press into his thick jumper to try and jab at him for his comment. 

Before you were able to put any sort of force behind your action, Harry’s hand clamped down around the top of your foot causing your eyes to snap up away from his hand and up to his eyes.

There he sat watching you, top two teeth pressed into his bottom lip keep his smile at bay. Releasing his lips slowly, his whispered threat left his throat, “I will tickle.”

You tried to fidget away but to no avail. With a whined laugh, you frowned as Harry goaded you by slowly raising his eyebrows. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

You had tried him. 

Truth be told you wanted to again.

If he wanted to.

Reaching for your wine, you took a hefty sip and let the silence swallow you both. Harry, who kept his hand on your foot and his fingers dancing gently against the top, let his head fall back awkwardly against the hardwood. His head dropped to the side taking in his surroundings and their familiarity. 

“Do you ever get tired of coming back?” 

You hummed, sure you had misheard due to the way the blood was rushing around your ears. He turned to look at you, all double chin and puffy cheeks.

“Of everything being the same, but different?”

His whispers captivated you, hushed confessions not quite meant for anyone else but his own mind yet spilling from him with such an ease that he did nothing to fight them. 

“I’ll admit, I come home for other people. Not for me.”

“People?”

“Mum, Dad,” you paused. “You.”

His smile deepened. His chin knocking down to his chest, his eyes looking up at you from underneath his curling hair from being caught in the moist winter evening just hours before.

“You can stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you did three nights ago.”

Harry breathed in deeply, his nostrils flaring and his chest expanding. A lick of his lips, before his mouth dropped to sit slightly agape. 

“What if I don’t wan’to? What if I want t’look at yer like this all the time?”

You found yourself unable to respond, nose burying itself into your wine glass as you pressed your lips against the cool outside to try and hide your burning smile. 

His lips curled lightly, before he breathed a laugh once and gently shook your foot with his hand. “Eh? Come ‘ere-“

“Harry,” you breathed.

“C’mon, c’mere. ‘S room for more than just your feet.”

If it wasn’t for the creak of your chair as you slowly started to push yourself out of it, you wouldn’t have consciously been aware of how you were making your way to him. 

His body relaxed, somehow managing to become closer to horizontal than sitting upright in his seat, as he peered as you walking the short distance over to him. 

With his legs widened, he pressed his face into your side now that you were close enough. His nose inhaled the familiar scent of your perfume which was only faint now due to the other senses and scents it had mixed with throughout the evening.

Rolling his face out of your body, he knocked his head back and pressed his chin where his face had been. The face you showed him was worn with worry, an expression he did not want to meet.

“‘S wrong?”

His ask was lazy. Not wanting to dig deep and know. What if he didn’t like what he found? 

“We know how this is going to end.”

“Do we?” He prodded. His eyes moved over your features quickly before they partly disappeared to him, thanks to your curtain of hair which slowly fell down.

His hand reached up, desperately brushing it away and cupping at the back of your head as best as he could while he remained seated. 

“How’s that? Tell me.”

“Same, but different.” 

You knew you shouldn’t use his words, not in a way that could be considered against him, but they - in the most ambiguous of ways - described everything perfectly. 

“Not if I have my way.” 

His words were almost lost against your stomach as he pressed his face against you once more and wrapped his hands around you; sweaty, nervous palms pressing to the backs of your thighs. 

“Same, but better.”

Harry guided you down to his lap, his lips somehow managing to remain pressed into stomach, or your chest, or your clavicle, as your face became level with his. 

“Different, but better.” 

He kissed against your cheek slowly, nose nudging at your skin as he willed for you to relax against him. “I don’t know how you like it, like this,” he whispered in confession. “Show me?”

A puff of air left your lips as you turned to look at him with hooded eyes. His mouth was closer to yours than you originally thought, corners of lips brushing as you slightly pulled away. 

When your lips met, it was in the softest of pecks that trembled under your nerves. Both sets of eyes looking back at each other as you innocently engaged. 

If you were to take your eyes away from him in any way, you would notice those fluffy curls of his falling over his forehead and the lightest dusting of red blush making itself known against his cheeks and the tops of his ears.

He felt like a school boy, lost and clumsy. The kid who was once again flicking paper at you in science class just so he could pull a face at you over something your teacher was saying to get you to laugh. 

Mouths hovering over each other, your breathing mixed, as Harry nodded to you slightly. You pressed your lips to his once more, feeling the way he gradually opened up to you, warmed and softened underneath the puckering of your mouth against his. 

His hands, that slightly trembled, smoothed over your hips trying to pull your body so that it was more so flush against his. You moaned softly, your hands running over his jumper covered shoulders, fingers digging and pulling at the material just below the nape of his neck. 

The chair beneath you moved lightly against the floor, not quite a scrape but a dull drag. Neither of you broke the kiss, but his hands against you allowed fingers to dig in to hold you steady to him so if you were to fall from where you were sitting, he still had you. 

His lips slowed, moving to press against your cheeks again as he panted and his warmth breath bounced off your skin. “Think I got it,” he heaved. 

“Do you?”

Harry hummed his ‘yea’, before pressing his lips so tenderly to your chin and the underside of your jaw. He felt how you swallowed heavily, throat dry from the way your mouth hung open and your neck further exposed itself as you lolled your head back. 

You were falling further and further back, finding it hard to stay upright as he devoured you and made you weaker with each pulling kiss. His groans were needy, muffled and making your ache. While yours were silent and making his desperate to pull something from you. To build is confidence in that he was doing something right, you liked it this way too. 

Hands fumbled and dragged upwards at your skirt, faintly aware now how it was similar - if not the same one - to the garment you wore to his show. 

“Gonna take this off properly,” he mumbled, feeling the way your hips moved slightly from his hands to roll over him. 

“You don’t have to-“

“No?” 

Your voices were rushed as you spoke to each other, barely audible but loud enough all the same. His head was knocked back slightly as you hovered over him and you found yourself admiring his blissed out face even only in the lead up.

This was a sight that you hadn’t received last time, and if you had your way it was one you were going to greedily enjoy in all its glory.

Like watching the way his eyes closed and he softly grinned, the left side of his teeth started to show as the one side of his face reacted first while your hands blindly moved to lift up his jumper and the white tee he had on underneath, to allow you to find the button of his corduroys.

“What ya doing?”

“Nothing,” you mused. 

He pulled a face, the kind that down turned his lips, eyebrows raised and head slightly tilted to the side. The kind that had you smiling. 

“Not trying to get m’trousers around m’ankles for a second time within a week then?”

You giggled. “No.”

“Please do.”

A low moan left you as you pressed your forehead to his jaw and dropped your eyes. Your hands slowly started to pull at the brass button and pop it open before seeking out the zip thanks to his desperate plea, encouraging you to continue. 

Hands quickly sought out the waistband of the trousers and gently pulled at the item. From the way that you were sat, you knew there was no way you were doing to make them budge.

“Stand up fo’ me,” he mumbled, quickly helping you get off his lap so that he could make light work of his clothing and pull down his trousers and underwear. 

His bare bum made easy contact with the cushion leather beneath him, eyes carefully watching you as your hands moved to underneath your skirt. 

The fabric of your underwear slipped so easily down your legs, his eyes just about caught the sight of them as they pooled against your ankles and you kicked them away. 

Legs pressed together, you slowly untucked the v-necked blouse you had chosen and pulled it over your head. Wearing nothing but a fancy black bra, and a tight little skirt you hastily snatched for your wine and took a hefty gulp.

You could feel his eyes on you, a gruff groan catching in the back of his throat and when you finally turned your eyes from where they had been looking down at your heaving chest and how great this bra made your boobs look, causing him to move his hand down to start playing with himself. 

His name left your lips in a breathy gasp, causing you to look up quite surprised at the find of his right hand gently tugging at his hard length.

“Keepin’ me waitin’,” he groaned, his left hand sloppily reached for the back of the collar of his jumper and tee, pulling the item roughly over his head.

“Fuck sake,” he mumbled under his breath, agitated that he was unable to get both items of in one go.

“Smooth.”

Harry stared up at you with a playful squint, before he gently fell back and moved the chair as he did so, the dull scrape heard once more. 

And if you didn’t know he was flushed before, when you first kissed, you were definitely aware now. His eyes were blown out and hungry as they devoured you. Hair wildly haphazard before he let go of himself with a soft slap of his skin and harshly pushed his fingers through it.

“‘S it still a couple of quid for a strip of three,” his words brought you back to him. This smugness radiated off of him as he groaned and leaned forward to push his trousers down all of the way. Over his vans and socked feet, before he toed them off as well be harshly pulled at his white sport socks. 

You didn’t even need for him to explain what he meant, staying silent as you watched his hands tug at his corduroys from the floor and retrieve his wallet. As his fingers moved around to find a couple of quid, the jangle of the coins was taunting. 

One leg crossed over the other, you swayed and found yourself blushing when he looked up at you once he’d managed to find enough money and then some. With his wallet thrown on the table, he stood proudly from the seat and closed the short gap between your both.

Leaning forward he easily took your lips with his own before pulling away. With his face still close to yours he whispered, “Promise not to look at my arse.”

He didn’t hang around long enough for your reply, instead turning away and brazenly giving you all the time you would ever need to admire him, his fantastic bum and his hairy legs before he opted for a jog-walk type of thing, suddenly conscious that he was absolutely walking around naked from the waist down in a pub owned by your parents. 

While you waited you took a quick pull from his whiskey, needing the heftier burn for Dutch courage. Nervousness returned when you heard the endings of what you believed to be Harry whistling. 

“Machine ate all m’fuckin’ change,” he grumbled, regardless of the twinkle in his eye at the strip of overpriced condoms he had managed to score from the men’s bathroom. “‘S Durex. Business must be booming, your Dad’s definitely gone up in the world.” 

“Please don’t talk about my Dad.”

He smiled brightly before he reached for your face with one hand and pulled you towards him mumbling his ‘sorry’s’ against your lips as he gave you several kisses in quick succession. 

His other arm loosely wrapped around your back and pulled you with him as he walked backwards and slowly lowered himself back onto his previous seat. The chair creaked as you joined him, slipping into his lap and feeling the way he was smiling now.

Pulling away from your kiss, he quickly tore away one of the condoms allowing the others to fall without much care to the floor. Teeth took a hold of the foil-like packaging and he tore it not so elegantly with his eagerness.

With his cock nestled in the crease of his own thigh now, the heat radiating from it matched your own agonising yearning. Scooting back to give him space, you heard him groan as he gently rolled the condom down onto himself. Eyes looking up just in time to see him knocking his head back and breathing deeply through nose. The foil-like packaging was back in between his teeth once more as his hands were otherwise preoccupied.

Slowly your hand reached up to take it from his mouth, feeling some playful resistance as Harry continued to hold it in his teeth. His eyes were open and boyishly sincere, as you tugged at the item and he finally released it when you lightly laughed. 

“Gi’me a kiss.”

Obliging him, you leant forward and slotted your mouths together a lot easier than you had done at the start of the night. A heat built easily between the two of you, as Harry gave you his tongue and you felt the flex of his jaw under your hand as he worked your mouths together.

He was eager, his hands tightening on your waist before he growled when he understood he had to grab handfuls of skirt before he could cup your backside. But when his skin met yours and you ground down onto his lap, the groan that left him was the most animalistic sound imaginable. 

The frown your face fell into showed your desire to whimper, as he kept you atop him and marvelled in the way you writhed, both from satisfaction and keenness at the pressure of his cock against you. 

“Can I have you again?” He asked, the startings of sweaty hair being pushed off your face. His eyes peered at you, searching for his answer as you seemed to be able to do nothing but pant and look back at him yearningly. “Are you letting me?”

You dragged your fingers down his t-shirt covered torso and lifted it slightly just to see the quiver of his stomach as pulled you onto him once more. 

“Like this?” you voiced, meekly.

“‘F this is what you like then, yea’”, he breathed into your mouth, hands shifting your pliant body. “Is this what you want?”

You wordlessly nod, mouth falling open in a breathy gasp when he managed to move you so he sat so enticingly at your entrance. He was teasing both yourself and him, wanting to keep you both on the edge. 

Harry blinked a few times as he looked at you, and you revelled in the way he couldn’t seem to concentrate. His hands held your flesh tightly, fingertips dipping into the skin of your bum cheeks as he gently guided you down.

An unattractive and dull, quite strangled noise, left your throat as you let your forehead fall against his temple. Eyes falling down you see the cups of your bra fall slack, you felt his hands softly gliding over your shoulder blades and shoulders. 

He rid you of your bra, hands moving to your chest to squeeze your breasts. His jaw fell slack when you found yourself sitting snugly on his lap - on him - settled and already feeling spent.

This was so different compared to the last time; if not overwhelming so because of the way you both appeared to be so present. Each movement of your hips, and the way they rolled and grinded and dragged felt too much. So much so that you had become nothing more than a mess of short, quick breathing and blushing, sweaty cheeks. 

Slack-jaw, you were unable to find it in you to return Harry’s kisses, and his joyful, breathy chuckle seemed to lead you to believe he was fine with it. In fact he was happy to keep going as you were. 

Your movements were frantic, and despite the build up, not entirely driven by lust either. Harry continued to encourage you to move as you were; slow, grinding motions on his lap that caused the filthiest of groans and dirtiest of laughs from the two of you. Laughter that was only made stronger as the chair that held you both started to creak too. 

You couldn’t do much about it though other than to breathe into each other’s mouth, and rock your hips together with more fervour each time. 

“Yea’,” he breathed against your lips, left hand at the back of your head holding you to him, while his right rested just above your bum. “‘S better. That’s better.”

It was better. Better than last time. Better than anything before. 

And while it hadn’t been frantic before, it was now as your legs that were hanging down either side of the chair started to tremble and your toes started to dig into the worn carpet beneath them. Hips knocking and your clit dragging heavenly against his public bone, you grasped his name as you buried your face into his neck and dug your nails into his nape.

Harry hissed his approval which fell to a groan as your nails pushed up into his hair and lightly pulled as you sought leverage. There were so many things you were learning this time around and his penchant for liking his hair pulled from time to time, was one of those things. 

“God, ‘m gonna come soon,” he admitted, gruntly as he forced your hips down as he anchored his legs and widened his seating position. “Are you close?”

“Yeah,” you whined. “Yes. Like this-“

And as you pressed your face to his once more, he was everywhere. Soft but hard, loving but commanding. Smelled like clean washing detergent but of country air. Inviting and alluring, allowing you your lingering kisses between grounding breaths that became staccato in unison with the movement of your hips. 

You aren’t ashamed of the whines that escaped your throat as you squeezed down on his cock, praised by indecipherable works that left Harry but were nothing more to you than lips moving against your rough and dry ones. Word that made the burning feeling of your pending orgasm spread through your entire body, warming you and setting you alight.

It was long and deep, with your toes curling into the carpet they were pressed against now. Barely able to catch your breath, sucking in harshly and shaking. 

And when you came to, thoroughly exhausted, you noticed that he was waiting for your say so. That he could let go and enjoy the pleasure brought about by your shared labour. 

“Coming-“ was all the warning that you got and was enough to encourage you to watch him as he came, his face completely void of anything other than pure pleasure. Wrinkles and frowns fade, his mouth falling open with his pink lips glinting prettily under the dim Christmas lights around you.

His forehead gleamed with sweat as he wrapped his arms around you tightly and his hips bucked up one, two and three times for good measure. “Fuck me,” he heaved gruffly.

You were suddenly desperate to feel his lips on yours despite the way you both continued to fight to get your breath back, but settled for resting them against the skin of his cheek, which was hot to the touch. 

When you felt Harry start to go soft, you reluctantly pulled away and let him slip out of you. He wasn’t so keen to let you get too far, holding you just that bit higher than before with his hand cupping gently but firmly at your hip. “Where’d you think you’re going,” he hummed, eyes still closed as he continued to heavily inhale and exhale. 

You softly smiled, taking in his soft face and responded by nuzzling close to him again. 

Nowhere. Somewhere. Anywhere with him.

A place where only the two of you knew, like the back of your hand. The same way you knew each other. Now and possibly forever.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Sweet Pandemonium - Gally (The Maze Runner) Part 6 of 16

Kinda OOC Gally at the beginning, but I can do what I want, shuck you!

~~~~~~~~~~

(not my GIF <3)

You groaned as the dawn of a new day hit you directly in the face. You absolutely hated mornings, and the ever increasing ache in your back from sleeping in the dirt didn’t make things any better. But, you just kept telling yourself that you get out of the Slammer this morning.

You sat up to see Thomas already awake, fiddling with some pieces of grass that managed to grow inside the cell. “Hope you slept better than I did.” You yawned, hearing a couple satisfying cracks when you stretched out.

Thomas chuckled softly. “No, not really.”

You hummed in thought. “That can’t be good, not getting a good sleep, especially since you’re a Runner now.”

“Yeah? Tell me about it.” He huffed.

Minho’s slightly silhouetted figure walking towards the cells caught your attention, and you moved closer to the wooden bars that separated the cells. “Be careful today, yeah? Don’t do anything stupid.” You told Thomas with concern etched onto your face.

Thomas looked confused for a moment, but then nodded once. “I’ll try not to.”

“Y’all look cozy in there.” Minho joked. “Sure you don’t wanna sit this one out?”

“Come on man, get us outta here.” Thomas chuckled.

The cool morning mildew on the grass tickled at your ankles as you hopped out of your cell, the chill giving you goosebumps over your arms. “Good luck out there.” You told the boys.

“What are you, our mother?” Minho sassed, making you roll your eyes.

“We’ll be careful.” Thomas reassured, and you gave him a grateful smile and then giving Minho a sharp glare, which only made him grin.

You watched as the maze doors opened yet again, like clockwork, feeling a clench in your gut as Minho and Thomas ran in. You wished you weren’t such a worrier.

You shook your head, he’s gonna be fine. They both are. But first order of business you made for yourself, you wanted to check in on Alby. Maybe whoever was watching over him a break, if the shank needed it.

Second was to find Chuck, give him that hug that you promised him the night before. You weren’t one to like breaking promises, no matter how tedious it may be. But you could see him at lunch, give him the hug and half your slop that Frypan would serve today.

For all the jokes, you actually enjoyed his cooking, not that you had anything else to compare it to.

Third, you really wanted to sleep in your nice hammock. But since you couldn’t, not until it was the time anyway, you just planned to work just like any other day. Go and build whatever the shuck you were building today.

Heading over to the Med-jacks, you saw a few of your fellow Builders heading over to the Homestead, one of the boys giving you a friendly smile as he passed. Odd, you thought, shouldn’t they be on the way to the Builder’s station? Well, it wasn’t like you were at the moment, so you had no reason to judge you supposed.

You greeted Jeff at the door to Alby’s room. “How is he?” You asked.

Jeff sighed. “Still passed out. Clint’s watching over him right now.”

“Does he need a break or anything?”

Jeff smiled a little. “He just switched out, he’s good to go for a couple hours. Thanks though.”

“Oh, okay.” You nodded, turning back to exit the building, heading over to the Builder’s area.

You smiled to yourself when you saw Gally, his brow furrowed that signaled that he was intensely focused on whatever he was doing. You still didn’t see any other Builders around. “Hey, Gal.” You greeted.

Gally quickly snapped his head towards you with a smile, subtly standing in front of the work bench that had a couple blueprints scrawled over it. “Sleep well?” He teased, knowing fully well you didn’t.

“Ha ha, very funny.” You responded sarcastically. “So, where is everyone? Do we not have work today or something?”

“Uh, no, we do. Just fixing up some broken flooring in the Homestead.”

“Oh. Well, let’s head on over there then.” You went to start walking over, but Gally stopped you

“No, wait,” Gally stuttered, making you look back at him in slight shock. He never stuttered. “Uh, not us.”

You furrowed your brows with a nervous chuckle. “Why is that?”

“Uh, well, uh,” Gally stuttered a bit more, it was starting to concern you.

“Gal, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” He said quickly, making you try to stifle another chuckle. He sighed frustratingly.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Should you go see Jeff?”

“Yes, I’m fine, really. I just...ah, shuck it, I’m no good at this.” He took a deep breath. “Remember how you said that you wanted your own place to sleep, away from the Homestead?”

It took a bit of memory retrieval, but you remembered. It was around the first week of being in the Glade. “Yeah, I remember. Especially when you said, ‘Oh, the Homestead not good enough for you, princess?’”

Gally cringed at himself. “Can we just pretend I didn’t say that?”

You giggled and nodded. “Sure thing, Captain. So, why do you ask?”

Gally smirked and moved to the side, allowing you to see the messy blueprint that he was blocking, revealing measurements for a rushed looking drawing of some sort of hut.

You gasped and snapped you head to look at Gally’s slightly flustered face. “Gally.” You said in shock.

Gally scratched the back of his neck and turned his focus to the blueprint. “It’s not much, I know. I sorta made a rough draft of a plan last night when you were in the Pit. Only being here for a short time, I figure you probably aren’t used to sleeping in the same building with a bunch of ugly dudes.” He chuckled nervously.

“Gally...”

“Ah, you hate it, don’t you? I just wanted to make up for getting you punished yesterday. I can do something else if-”

“Gally!” You interrupted with a huge grin on your face.

“W-What?”

You shook your head gleefully. Gally flinched when you threw your arms around his neck, paralyzing him in shock. “I love it, Gally. Thank you.” You grinned into his shoulder.

Gally slowly brought his arms around you and leaned into your embrace, sighing in relief that you didn’t just tear up the blueprints in rage. “Good...that’s good.” He whispered breathlessly.

You pulled away from the hug, still wearing a grin on your face, the muscles starting to ache since it’s been a while since you’ve smiled so much. “Are we gonna get to build it today?” You asked while bouncing on the balls of your feet, causing Gally to smile at your childlike excitement.

“Yeah, at least the foundation. It’s kinda why I wanted it to be just us building it, without those other shanks, you know.” He chuckled. “Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, of course! Where we building it?”

“I was thinking near the tree line maybe? Near the gardens? It’s quiet there most of the time.”

“Sounds good. Let’s get started then.” You smiled, going over the blueprint to see how the framing would be set up and how long the measurements for how long the planks should be. It was a fairly simple structure, probably only would take a few days to build. Maybe four, if all went well.

You were excited. You’ve always wanted a place for yourself, but always thought yourself selfish for thinking it. It took a lot of self control for you to not do more than just hug Gally however. Just seeing how nervous he was about his plan, since he was usually so confident in everything he does. You’ll be honest, it was super sweet to see.

Gally felt elated after seeing you get so excited about something he made, well, planned to make. If he could’ve made the hut for you overnight, then he would’ve. But he felt so tired after spending a couple hours coming up with a decent blueprint. He was only one guy after all.

Gally didn’t realize he was staring at you sawing a piece of wood until you smiled at him, sweat beading at your forehead. He quickly felt the blood rush to his cheek and tried to focus back on his own task. He hated how flustered only you could make him.

After a couple hours sawing and nailing pieces of boards together to make a wooden foundation, Gally called for a little break just to look it over before moving on.

It was a floorless frame, but you could already imagine what it would be like to sleep alone without a bunch of snoring boys around you.

You looked to Gally to see him already looking at you with a soft smile. “What?” You smiled.

Gally simply shook his head, locking eyes with you before clearing his throat. “Lunch will be soon. We should go wash up.”

You nodded bashfully. “Yeah, Thomas and Minho should be back soon too.”

Gally rolled his eyes at the mention of Thomas, but nodded anyway. “Let’s see what that shank did now.”

You couldn’t help but snort at the comment.

You and Gally stood together at the maze doors with some of the other Gladers, all confused by the loud shifting sounds from inside the Maze. You smiled in relief when you saw the two Runners rounding the corner of the corridor and swiftly entering the Glade. “Well, what the hell’s going on out there?” Newt quickly asked the exhausted boys.

“Yeah, the hell you’ve done now, Thomas?” Gally asked, making you glare at him.

“We found something. A new passage, we think it could be a way out.” Thomas explained.

You quickly jogged to catch up with Thomas. “Are you serious?”

“It’s true.” Minho panted. “We opened a door, something I’ve never seen before. Think it must be where the Grievers go during the day.”

“Whoa, wait.” Chuck said. “What, you’re saying you found the Grievers home? And you want us to go in?”

“Their way in could be our way out, Chuck.” Thomas replied.

“Yeah, or, there could be a dozen Grievers on the other side. The truth is, Thomas doesn’t know what he’s done, as usual.” Gally expressed angrily, causing Thomas to quickly confront him.

“Yeah, well, at least I did something, Gally. I mean, what have you done, huh? Aside from hide behind these walls all the time?” Thomas snapped.

“Thomas...” You spoke up, trying to stop the argument.

“Let me tell you something, Greenie, you’ve been here three days, alright? I’ve been here three years-”

“Yeah, you’ve been here three years and you’re still here, Gally!” Thomas interrupted. “Alright, so what does that tell you, man? Maybe you should start doing things a little differently.”

“Thomas!” You snapped, sighing in frustration when they kept arguing, then noticing Teresa walk up to the crowd that surrounded the arguing pair.

“Hey!” Teresa finally interrupted the pair. “It’s Alby. He’s awake.”

“He is?” You asked. She nodded, turning back to the Med-jacks infirmary.

Thankfully, Gally and Thomas stopped bickering for the sake of being there for Alby. You tried not to glare at both the boys, so you just walked behind with Newt. “You alright?” He asked.

You sighed. “Yeah...” You glanced down to his leg. “How about you?” You tried not to mention how obvious his limp was today, knowing it was a touchy subject, but he knew what you were asking anyway.

“Just a bit more sore than usual. That’s all.” Newt weakly smiled.

Gally kept glancing back at you as you all were walking to the infirmary, but you kept your eyes to the ground.

“Has he said anything yet?” You asked Teresa as you entered Alby’s room.

“No.” She sighed.

“Alby.” Newt called out softly, slowly sitting down beside the stoic boy. “Alby, you alright?”

Alby didn’t respond. He just sat there, looking straight forward with tears in his eyes.

Thomas moved passed you to kneel in front of Alby. “Hey, Alby. We might’ve just found a way out of the Maze. You hear me? We could be getting out of here.”

Alby gently shook his head. “We can’t.” He whispered tearfully. “We can’t leave. They won’t let you.”

Thomas glanced back at the group for a moment. “What’re talking about?”

“I remember.”

“What do you remember?” Thomas asked, his voice wavering slightly.

Alby turned to look at Thomas. “You.” He said, making everyone turn to look at the shocked boy. “You were always their favorite, Thomas. Always.”

A commotion from outside caused you to lose on the conversation. What the hell was going on? When the shouting got louder, you ran outside, everyone else quickly following behind.

It was getting dark outside, a bunch of Gladers lighting up torches and running around in a frenzy. “What the hell is going on?” Thomas asked Winston.

“The doors, they aren’t closing.”

You looked to the doors and he was right, they weren’t closing. You and Gally gave each other worried looks, but you quickly followed after Thomas to stand in front of the doors. “I don’t understand. Why aren’t they closing?” You voiced, mostly to yourself, but you never got a response as an ear splitting clank echoed around the Glade.

You all looked in the direction of the noise, behind you, and what you saw was terrifying. Birds flying away in the distance as you all saw another entrance to the Maze opening up, the lack of use making it squeal and grind against the aligned stone pavement.

You didn’t even know there were other entrances, and by the look of everyone else’s faces...they didn’t either. You only noticed Gally moving you closer to him when another piercing clank echoed.

To the right, another entrance opening. Then one more...all four sides of the Maze were open.

“Okay, Chuck, I want you to go to council hall and start barricading the doors.” Thomas said.

“Winston, you go with him.” Newt said.

“Get the others. Tell them to go to the forest, go hide, now!” Gally ordered.

“Teresa, Y/N,” Thomas voiced, “we’re gonna go get Alby, okay?”

You were about to nod in agreement, but Gally grabbed your arm. “No, she’s staying with me.”

You didn’t have time to protest when all of a sudden, a bunch of Gladers to the left started running away screaming. A shrill howl was heard from where you all were standing. You all looked down the entrance to see a Griever, a real live Griever.

“Alright, everybody hide!” Thomas yelled.

“Come on!” Gally yelled, grabbing your hand and quickly forcing you to run with him.

It was the complete opposite direction of Thomas and Teresa, but you couldn’t hesitate or else you’d be Griever food. You just had to trust that they’d be safe, so you followed Gally.

You weren’t used to running for your life, you never had to, not from horrifying monsters. You probably weren’t the best runner, but you did your best to keep up with Gally and the two other Gladers that followed him.

You heard screams all around you, itching so bad to help whoever needed help. You teared up at the thought of your friends dying in pain, but you had to be selfish. You wiped away tears that were blurring your vision. Looking to the left of you, you saw a Glader, who you couldn’t remember the name of, injured, desperately trying to crawl to safety.

“Fuck...” You whispered to yourself, before turning to help the kid.

“Y/N, no!” Gally yelled, briefly stopping before making it to the Box.

You quickly made it to the boy, quickly seeing lacerations all over his body. “Help me...” He said pitifully, blood seeping out of his mouth. You didn’t hesitate as you helped onto his feet, the weight of him quickly slowing you down as he wasn’t that much help.

Gally looked on in panic as you stupidly played hero. His panic only grew more as he saw a Griever spotted you two. “Y/N, you gotta leave him! Now!”

You looked behind you to see a Griever quickly catching up to you and the nameless Glader. You looked to the boy with panicked eyes, seeing that he was on the verge of unconsciousness.

You let out a sob as you dropped the boy to the ground, the Griever quickly finishing the job and gnashing him up with its jagged razor sharp teeth.

You being able to run full speed gave Gally a smidge of relief, but you were so full of guilt that you couldn’t focus on how fast you were running. “Hurry!” Gally’s voice snapped you out of your your own head and you soon ran at full speed, but it was too late.

You yelped as the Griever wrapped its tail around your ankle, tripping you and making you plummet to the ground.

You rolled over to see one of the Griever’s metal legs open up to reveal a syringe, but just in time, you dodged and rolled away, only to be trapped beside another leg. The Griever looked at you, almost tauntingly, before opening up its disgusting mouth, causing its thick drool to pour out of its mouth heavily onto your face.

You couldn’t believe you were about it die by this ugly thing, with the most disgusting thing you’ve ever tasted in your mouth, besides Frypan’s food.

But death never came.

Before the monstrous creature could tear you to shreds, you heard it screech in pain and you felt yourself being harshly pulled out from underneath the Griever. “Gally?”

“You’re so shucking stupid!” Gally huffed, carrying you to the Box in his arms.

You were quickly placed in the arms of another Glader as Gally hopped in the Box and closed the doors, quickly shushing everyone.

You were gently placed down on the floor, and you suddenly noticed the throbbing pain in your leg. You lifted your pant leg up to see blood seeping out of multiple cuts up your lower leg.

After it was quiet for a few minutes, Gally finally exhaled harshly. The only thing your mind focused on was the distant screams of your fellow Gladers. Please be okay, you thought to yourself. “What the hell were you thinking?” Gally scolded, but still aware to keep his voice at a low volume even when he wanted to scream at you.

Knowing that he definitely wasn’t addressing that to the other Gladers, you lifted your gaze up to Gally’s enraged face. “I thought I could help him...” You whispered, looking back down to the floor in guilt and shame.

Gally quickly kneeled down to your level and placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look at him.  “You almost died. You almost fucking died. Look at your fucking leg. You’re lucky it was only your leg.”

You harshly pushed Gally’s hand away, making his glare increase if that was even possible. “Well, I’m alive so...”

Gally gave you an incredulous look and stood up to pace around the Box.

Your bottom lip trembled, your face felt sticky. You lifted up the hem of your shirt to get at least some of the Griever’s drool off your face. You cringed when you pulled away the fabric, seeing that it mostly took off the drool. At least it wasn’t on your face anymore. 

Gally sighed when he saw you looking over your wounds, his face softening slightly. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if you had been killed...

“Hey, Gally. It sounds like the Grievers are gone.” One of the Gladers said.

Gally leaned up and slightly peaked out the top of the Box. “I see everyone outside. Let’s go.” Gally said.

The same Glader helped you to your feet, you having a slight limp. You reluctantly took Gally’s hand and he pulled you up, his hand coming to rest on the small of your back. “You okay?” He asked softly.

You nodded, testing out the strength of your wounded leg. “Just a flesh wound.” You said, hissing in pain when you put too much pressure on your leg. 

Gally’s scowl came back when he saw your pained face. “This is all his fault.” He spat.

You immediately knew who he was talking about. “No, Gal-”

“It’s his fucking fault.” He turned to walk to council hall, leaving you to follow after him with your limp.

Gally stormed up to council hall, quickly finding Thomas in the crowd. It was hard to keep up with him, but you managed, and you were close enough to see him ball up fist tightly.

“Gally, no!” You shouted when he pulled is fist back and swiftly collided it with Thomas’ face, him immediately falling to the ground.

A few Gladers quickly started to hold Gally back. “This is all you, Thomas!” He fought. “Look around!”

“Hey, back up, Gally. It’s not Thomas’ fault!” Minho quickly defended.

You felt helpless as you watch the chaos ensure, you didn’t know what to do.

“You heard what Alby said! He’s one of them!”

“One of who?!”

“He’s one of them and they sent him here to destroy everything, and now he has! Look around, Thomas! Look around! This is your fault! Everything has been your fault! You’ve gotten us killed! Y/N almost died because of you!” He ranted.

Thomas quickly looked to you, soon noticing your leg, how your blood was bleeding through your pant leg. Jeff quickly went to you with bandages already out, gently sitting you down on the grass as he tried to help you.

“Maybe he’s right...” You faintly heard Thomas say.

You looked to him in confusion, your eyes widening in panic as he was holding a Griever stringer. “Thomas?”

“Thomas, no!” You screamed as Thomas strung himself. Even if you were injured, you crawled your way to the now convulsing boy, along with everyone else. “Chuck, get the other syringe!” Teresa ordered.

“Thomas, you stupid shank.” You cried.

~~~~~~~~~~

Oof

[we-rate-tmnt]

I request: Leonardo. Please and thank you 🙏.

Idk if everyone loves Leo or if my header and avatar just remind everyone about this amazing blue boy. (This one’s super silly btw. I’m just sillier as time goes on. Character development I guess?) 

The iconic leador Leonardo (1987)

Bro idk why but I loved this Leo. I have a tiny memory, especially with this version but I clearly remember that I thought he was the funniest and the coolest. I mean, he had swords, what was I supposed to do as a 7-year-old. NOT like him??? Anyway, while Raph was the best at insult comedy, I think Leo had the best puns and punchlines. I really like how nonchalant this Leo is compared to his iterations, going along with really silly ideas and having fun along the way. But because of this, his leadership is a little forced at times, he seems like such a chill and fun dude that when he gets serious, I have to squint and ask ‘are you Leo? Or were you just putting on act a moment ago?’ Or my perception is entirely warped over time. Either way, good turtle boy, could have used some work tho. 5.7/10

Here comes grumpy lad wooo this is all read very monotone btw Fearless Leader (2003)

What. What the fuck happened. I was actually so confused when Leo turned really angry and serious and almost manic. I thought that episode when he popped into Casey’s window and was like ‘Hey bitch lets go beat the shit out of some lowlifes’ I was WOAH THERE BUDDY BACK UP BACK UP BACK TF UP. It was so sudden to me and when it was finally explained, it made some sense??? Like yeah, character development is great an’ all but this ain’t it chief. I can’t imagine what it was like having to wait for these episodes to release one at a time. Bc I watched every episode back to back on Youtube and I was genuinely bamboozled. But when you have an experience like that where guilt is weighing down on you from a situation you couldn’t control, it would’ve been HELLA HELPFUL to have at least a flashback, like a line saying ‘I was so useless!’ at BARE MINIMUM. Like right after Shredder is booted off to Planet Zula, Donnie would notice that Leo didn’t seem all that happy and would ask why and Leo would get upset and yell at Donnie saying that ‘You wouldn’t understand’, ‘You don’t know how I felt, how I feel because of that’, etc. Like you don’t even have to say he felt guilty or helpless, just give us something to grab onto. We’re merely six-year-olds who thought they could climb the YMCA rock wall in easy mode but instead the script riders harnessed us up on the hard one and wouldn’t let us come down until we rang the little bell at the top. I think that is the only problem I had with his Leo. The sudden change of calm and decisive to angry and irrational was so jarring that it felt unnatural without that crucial context. If you want a surprise reveal, at least hint at the reveal (like just about every Disney movie with their ‘twist’ villains) not wait until the very last moment. I think this might be my least favorite Leo and I think the season where he stood out the most and seemed the strongest was Fast Forward (Which was GOOD FIGHT ME), especially in scenes with Dark Leo, his clone. He sees so much of himself in Dark Leo but he also sees something he had once grasped (AKA the poorly written character arc, I CANNOT stress how bad I thought it was). Although, I honestly think he’s a really good character and he’s a pretty neat guy. However, this score is entirely held up by Fast Forward and his connection with Usagi, sword bros to the end of time. 3/10 (2 for FF and 1 for Usagi)

And now a Leo that makes me genuinely feel UWU Leo (2012)

I cannot stress how much I like this guy! Like his design is so appealing, his dedication, his obsession with Space Heroes, like I FUCKING LOVE IT. And everyone knows, that shit with Karai, at first when they didn’t realize they were related, I can let slide but kajsdflksadf what even like why did the writers feel the need to add in more ‘love interest’ implications like yuck yuck yuck. The only two interactions with Leo and Karai that I really like are when Leo defeats her using the healing hands technique and when Leo has a goth/emo/punk/idk I’m new here phase and they team up and EXPLOSIONS. He was introduced to us as being incredibly naive and his idea of leadership is from some old cartoon that’s basically star trek but ethically questionable. After his fights in season 1, to the finale with the technodrome, you can see his growth. He’s able to formulate plans and make life or death decisions. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. When Leo got hurt, I felt like the oof sound effect mixed with some tears I normally shed at some Shojo manga bs. While the episodes following were super weird, it was a nice way to help Leo recover, not only physically but spiritually (Although I don’t remember the spirit arc at all except the epic Raph vs Fishface fight, so we’re skipping that). When Master Splinter really died, you could tell there was a huge impact on Leo, but he had to remain stoic and lead the family now. A lot of heartbreaking moments in this series came from Leo and I’m glad they took at least some thought into developing him. Tiny head Leo will haunt my nightmares, but the giggly fanboy will warm my heart constantly. 6/10

I only have one word for this Leo (Heroes in a Half Shell: Blast to the Past)

This is a super crazy bad idea accent on the super crazy bad part have I mentioned it’s also a really terrible idea/10

Okay, spoiler alert, didn’t really think this Leo was that grand Leo (2014/2016)

Painfully average. He didn’t stand out that much, Raph was part of the focus and had that touching scene at the end, Donnie was ICONIC and Mikey (with his weird-ass eyes) was super lively and funny! Leo? Uh, I don’t remember a single line he said. Because he never really grabbed my attention, I don’t have too much to say on this version. The Raph and Leo fight felt forced and the whole ‘keep this stuff that could turn us human a secret’ was pretty pointless and was added just to cause drama, I don’t even remember what that Splinter and Leo conversation was about. Design-wise, really neat! You can see some more traditional Japanese clothing/style mixed with modern (I’d feel a lot better about this assumption if some could tell exactly what the heck he’s wearing, but I get traditional Japan warrior vibes from it) in his look which was super neat! Other than that, if you like him, please tell me why because I don’t get. He was just kinda eh. 5/10

AHHH MY BOY YASSS WHOOO!! Neon Leon (2018)

Okay, I loved Ben Schwarts already from Parks and Rec but like him being Sonic AND Leo, like DUDE. He’s super funny by himself but teamed up with this shows writing and animation, it makes it hilarious. I literally love this Leo so much, maybe because we’re alike but honestly, he’s amazing. I love his design with the red and yellow crescents accenting his skin and livening up his color pallet. He has a very healthy and natural dynamic with his brothers, he’s the first to know what’s wrong and tries his best to make up for his actions. This is really prominent in the most recent episodes, along with the episode portal jacked. In both, Leo is separated from his brothers. Portal Jacked is in a more literal sense, while Air Turtle handles in more of an emotional sense. While both are brief, Leo sees his error and tries his best to make it up to them. I love his dynamic so much and it’s so nice to see something like this compared to the unnecessary drama and tension between the brothers in the previous series. It’s refreshing and this is something a younger audience needs to see; instead of fighting, it’s better to work together and improve yourself along the way. Improvement is a big theme for Leo here. He’s a goofball, makes jokes at every opportunity and isn’t quite skilled at fighting or using his weapon. But he grows over time, he learns to manage his power and he’s working on mastering it. He’s trying to put aside his narcissism more and focuses on his family. I think the approach they took with him rising to leader rather than slapping it on his forehead was the goddamn best decision they could make. He’s making plans, finding loopholes, helping out and getting out of his comfort zone. I cannot stress how well this show has handled Leo, along with the other characters. I can’t wait to see more episodes about his growth and I am awarding him with one of the greatest honors I could give... 10/10

Storytime: I drew a super cute 2012 Leo, you should look at him. Shameless self-promo, but you should follow me on my main blog bc I’m nice and I draw pretty pictures. Also. I have a little 2012 Leo Happy Meal toy??? I think??? guarding my window and he’s been there for YEARS. I need to bring him in and refresh his paint job.

Wow! I didn’t expect this many requests for Leo, so the blog will be momentarily spammed with the requests, but it shouldn’t be too much! Up next should be the last turtle (Mikey) and then we can get to some REALLY great requests I’m eager to answer. As usual, please comment and reblog! I’d love to hear your opinion!

[cami-chats]

Too Old

Fandom: Check Please!

Pairing: Kent “Parse” Parson/Connor “Whiskey” Whisk

Warnings: Age difference (but not underage)

On AO3

From Parse: You ever feel like you're robbing the cradle a little bit? 

From Swoops: No, but that's bc my girlfriend's only like 2 years younger than me.

From Swoops: Perv. 

From Parse: You're not helping. 

From Parse: Besides, he's not THAT young. He started college when he was 20, not 18. He can legally drink. 

From Swoops: Sounds like something a pedo would say.

From Parse: Fuck you.

From Parse: But seriously, do you think I'm too old for him? 

From Swoops: Dude, I know nothing about him other than that he's in college and plays hockey (and now that he started college when he was 20). You won't tell me what he looks like, what he's studying, or which college he goes to. The 2 details I know kinda make it seem like yeah, you're too old for him. 

Kent glared at his phone and locked it. Goddammit. That's what he'd been afraid of. It's not like he felt like an old man, but Whiskey felt so young sometimes. Mostly when he mentioned homework, because the last time Kent had done homework, he'd been seventeen-- which was definitely too young. 

He called Whiskey to ask him about it, but it was only when it rang off to voicemail that he remembered there was a time difference and he hadn't even thought about Whiskey's schedule. He was in the middle of practice right now. He thought about sending a text to let him know what it was about, but if this was a conversation he wanted to have over text, he would've texted him to begin with. Whatever. It had been an impulse, anyways. And it was stupid, wasn't it? If Whiskey thought he was too old, they wouldn't have gotten together. If Whiskey had thought it was fine at first but changed his mind later, then he would've said something. Whiskey didn't exactly keep that sort of shit locked down-- he'd told Kent the instant that he put on cologne that he hated the smell. 

Kent was probably just being paranoid. 

He'd been perfectly fine with their relationship and the age difference thing until some dipshit wrote an article on Zimms and Bittle's relationship, claiming that Bittle was too young and being taken advantage of. Kent and Zimms were the same age, and Whiskey and Bittle were the same age, so if Zimms was too old for his boyfriend, then Kent was too old for his. Not that Kent really thought it was the same. Bittle was graduating soon-- he was pretty sure-- and Whiskey still had a couple semesters left. Zimms and Bittle had played together. Gone to college together for two years before anything happened. 

Comparatively, it did feel like Kent was taking advantage of a young fan. It was weird to think of Whiskey like that, but technically that's what he was: a fan. Whiskey had come up to compliment him on his game when they were in the same bar, and Kent had been tipsy enough to think it was a good idea to flirt. It had all worked out, of course, but that had been pretty damn stupid of him. 

Kent kept running it over in his mind: it wasn't a big deal-- this was different than what Zimms was up to-- maybe Kent should take a step back-- but did Whiskey give a shit?-- maybe he shouldn't worry about it. He just went in circles, only jarred out of it when his phone started to ring. "Hey babe," Kent said automatically after sliding it to answer. 

"Hey, what's up?" 

"You're the one that called me," Kent said, frowning. 

"Some people call this returning a phone call," Whiskey said dryly. "You didn't leave a message, so I figured it was serious." 

"Oh." Shit. "Um, no, nothing serious. I'd forgotten you were at practice, so I called, but it's nothing big. Spur of the moment thing, you know?" 

"It's chill. What's up?" 

"Uhh." Kent made a face at nothing in particular. "Nothing." 

"Doesn't sound like nothing." 

"Yeah, well, it's nothing, stop being a chick about it. I said it was no big deal," Kent said, then immediately winced. 

The silence on the other end of the phone was damning. "Right," Whiskey said tightly. 

"Sorry. That was- ten kinds of fucked up." 

"Yeah." 

"I'm sorry," Kent said again. 

"Whatever," Whiskey muttered. He let out a deep breath, and it crackled a little bit through the speaker. "Have a good game." 

"Will you be watching?" Kent asked. Normally he didn't feel the need to check. Any time Whiskey didn't watch one of his games, he told him in advance-- the same way that Kent watched as many of Whiskey's games as he could and told him to have a good game before all of them. 

"I always do." 

"Yeah, but I didn't know if you'd still- yeah, uh, thanks. Love you." 

"...Yeah," Whiskey said, then hung up. 

Kent brought his phone away from his face and wanted to bash his head against the wall. Whiskey didn't always say it back because he was usually in public or around his friends when they had a quick call like that, but this had felt different. Whether it was because of Kent being a fuck-up or something else, he had no idea, but he sincerely hoped it was because of him freaking out for no good fucking reason, because then it would mean that he'd be forgiven pretty soon. If it was something else, that would mean dealing with it in addition to dealing with the age difference thing that he was freaking out over. And he still wasn’t sure that he actually wanted to talk to Whiskey about it. He knew he had to, especially after the mess he’d just made of a twenty second phone call. He just. Didn’t want to. 

He tapped the corner of his phone against his head as he thought. Maybe Swoops had been right and Whiskey was too young for him, but that wasn't what ever went wrong with their relationship. If they had issues, it was because of, well, who Kent was. Not to say that Whiskey was a saint, but he was more deliberate. They didn't get in fights because of shit he said, because Whiskey didn't talk out of his ass any time he was feeling a little insecure. He locked down-- which was its own issue-- but he didn’t snap at Kent. 

Kent sighed and opened his text conversation with Whiskey. The age difference thing wasn’t the problem. He’d been due for a freak out. 

From Kent: Sorry.

From Kent: Saw an article about athletes dating people younger than them and how it was skeevy and kinda flipped.

From Kent: Still kinda freaking out tbh.

From Kent: (Swoops was totally unhelpful)

From Kent: Probably should've just said it but I didn't want for you to freak out too.

From Kent: Not that you freak out very often.

From Whiskey: I freak out all the time who tf have you been dating.

From Kent: You don't freak out ALL THE TIME.

From Whiskey: This morning I panicked because I didn't have the exact change for my coffee. I had enough to pay for it, but using another nickel instead of two pennies made it hard to breathe. Does that really sound like I'm not freaking out? 

Kent started typing a couple different times then deleted what he had. He tapped on Whiskey's contact info, then hit call. 

"Hey." 

"Did you really freak out over two pennies?" Kent asked. He should've led with something more sensitive, but he was who he was. 

"Yeah. Not my finest moment." 

"I didn't mean what I said before." 

"I know," Whiskey mumbled. "I don't know what to do when you get like that, though. Normally I hang up, and the next time we talk, you're fine." 

"If it helps, I don't know what to do when I get like that either. I just wait it out." 

"I was kind of hoping you'd have a plan of action for me." 

"I wish I had one too," Kent said, blowing out a breath. It was annoying when he acted like that, and he knew it was annoying, but he couldn't get himself to stop. It meant that every so often, they'd do this: Kent would say something shitty, things would be awkward, and after waiting a little bit, he'd apologize. 

"What was the article?" Whiskey asked, and Kent had to think back for a moment to remember what he was talking about. 

"Oh. That. It was about Zimms and Bittle. And I was thinking that we're the same age, and you and Bittle are the same age, so..." 

Whiskey snorted. "No offense, but we're nothing like them. They live, like, an hour away from each other." 

"And they went to college together." 

"Are you being weird because you regret not going to college?" Whiskey guessed. Kent brought it up often enough that he figured there was something there. 

"No. I mean, what would be the point? I'm not good at school, and I would've ended up in the league anyways. It'd be fun if we could play on the same team though. Not that you're planning on playing professionally anyways," Kent mumbled. 

"Yeah," Whiskey said, but something in his tone was off. Kent was pretty sure he was staring at the floor in a very particular way right now. 

"What?" 

"I don't think anyone would want me as a free agent instead of the draft. I chose to skip that, and..." Whiskey snorted. "I'm not Jack fucking Zimmermann. All the teams wanted to sign him on, but that doesn't happen to everyone." 

"You're selling yourself short. There have been scouts at the Samwell games." 

"Not for the NHL." 

"Tons of players work their way up to it." 

"Yeah," Whiskey said noncommittally. "You know I don't give a shit that you're older than me, right?" 

Kent wanted to say that yes, of course he had known that, but the truth was that he hadn't-- not for sure-- so he just chewed on his lip and stayed quiet. 

"I don't care about that. It's not like you're forty or something-- that'd be pretty weird." 

"Swoops said he thought it was weird," Kent said without really meaning to. It was a good thing he said it though, because he'd sort of been freaking out about it before, but after talking to Swoops, he'd gone more firmly towards panicking. 

"Isn't Swoops dating an influencer right now?" 

"Yeah, but she's only like a year younger than him." 

"Kent," Whiskey said flatly. "He's dating someone that is basically a low level model on Instagram. He doesn't have room to judge who you're dating if he's making shit decisions like that." 

"Haley's not that bad." She was pretty nice, actually. Nicer than Kent was-- not that that was saying much. 

"Yeah, well when he finds a girlfriend who's a grown ass adult with a 401k and a retirement plan, he can say I'm too young for you and I'll believe it." 

"So you don't think we're too different?" 

"We've got more in common with each other than those two," Whiskey said with a snort. 

"Yeah." Tension started to seep out of him, leaving him boneless with relief. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry for ruining your afternoon." 

"You didn't ruin anything. You busy right now or did you want to keep talking? Foxtrot invited me and Tango to a rehearsal and it was hilarious." 

"Not busy. Tell me all about actors and their shenanigans." 

"Did you really just use the word shenanigans?" 

"Um. Yes? I thought it was fitting." 

"Oof. Never mind. I've changed my mind, you're way too old for me." 

"Hey, respect your elders," Kent snarked back. 

[writingpuddle]

Could you share your hc of the foxes reacting to soft(er) affection(as they get) andreil??? Ps I owe u my life ty.

hello friend! to absolutely nobodys surprise this took like half a year to write, but i hope you enjoy!! it ended up being a lot more about andreil dealing with pda than the foxes reacting to it, but its soft as hell so who cares. ao3

—

The hallway was filled with the smell of pizza and the sound of chattering voices. Neil slipped through the door into the girls’ room, which was abuzz with conversation. It was only the original Foxes tonight, but there were still enough of them to make the small room feel crowded.

He ducked Matt’s offered drink and spotted Andrew sitting at the end of the couch, watching Nicky’s animated re-enactment of one of the final plays of tonight’s game with a blank look on his face.

Neil skirted the coffee table and perched on the armrest above Andrew. His eyes flicked up to meet Neil’s in greeting, then returned to Nicky. Neil repressed a small smile. Despite Andrew’s bored expression, the very fact that he was watching Nicky at all was evidence of his attention.

“In summary, I am a mad genius,” Nicky said. “We are so gonna win championships this year. I can feel it.”

“If the freshmen don’t ruin everything,” Kevin said from Nicky’s other side. He shot Neil a quick glance. “If we can’t play Neil and Jack at the same time, we’re at a major disadvantage.”

“I’m dealing with it,” Neil said, a little peevishly.

“No more Exy talk,” Andrew said. “The game is over.”

“Kev-iiin,” Nicky whined, prodding at him, “why do you have to ruin everything? Did you even see my tackle?”

“One good play does not make a season,” Kevin said.

“It’s movie night,” Neil said. “We’ll do a recap at practice tomorrow.”

Kevin looked like he was about to argue, but he stopped himself with a quick glance at Andrew. Neil couldn’t see what Andrew had done, but he felt faintly grateful anyway.

The lights flickered on and off several times. “Attention everyone,” Allison said. “We held a vote, and we’re watching Legally Blonde.”

“You were the only person that voted for that,” Dan said dryly.

“We did technically hold a vote though,” Matt said. “She lost, but she didn’t lie.”

“Legally Blonde is a classic,” Allison said, sticking her nose up. “You’re going to appreciate it, or else.”

There were a few mutters, but nobody really had major objections. Movie night had started as a post-game decompress, but it had quickly been established as tradition once everyone realized it was the only night of the week that they got to avoid the freshmen completely. Exactly which movie they watched was an afterthought.

Unlike many of Allison’s choices, this one seemed to strike something, because within a couple minutes even Kevin was snarking at the TV in Elle’s defence, while Nicky fruitlessly begged for everyone to please shut up so I can hear the movie.

Neil watched with some distraction. He’d still not really gotten into pop culture, despite Nicky and Allison’s efforts. He figured he’d just been out of the loop too long to care about getting back in it. But the movie was kind of entertaining. He admired Elle’s devotion to studying law, even if her ex-boyfriend seemed like a loser.

He propped an elbow on the back of the couch. Andrew’s eyes flicked up towards him before returning to the movie.

Neil dug his phone out of his pocket and tapped out a short message.

How accurate is the legalese

He heard the buzz of Andrew’s phone a second after it sent. For a long moment, it looked like Andrew would ignore the message, but as the scene slipped into another emotional confrontation with the ex-boyfriend, Andrew’s attention drifted from the TV screen to the phone in his pocket.

A response buzzed into Neil’s hand. Okay

From Andrew, that was as resounding an endorsement as Neil could’ve asked for.

Neil glanced down at Andrew, feeling warm and sort of fuzzy. The team was getting riled up by the movie and were paying him no mind. His body was heavy and sore from the game, but with actual striker subs playing this year, it was nothing compared to the post-game aches last year. Andrew’s head rested against the back of the couch a couple inches from his elbow, and Neil’s eyes drifted from the TV to the tufted strands of Andrew’s un-styled hair.

He tapped out another message, feeling a little lazy and a little bold. Touch your hair, yes or no?

A frisson of energy went through him when he pressed send. He tried to keep his eyes on the TV, posture casual, but he couldn’t help glancing down when Andrew flipped his phone open.

He paused minutely. It wouldn’t have been obvious if Neil hadn’t been watching; Andrew’s natural state was stillness. Neil bit the inside of his cheek as Andrew contemplated the message for a long moment, face hidden.

Finally, he typed out a slow response. It buzzed through to Neil’s phone. Now?

Neil gnawed on his cheek, debating the merits of a longer explanation. In the end, he just replied: Yeah

He closed his phone and focussed on the movie. Below him, Andrew opened his phone and read the message.

Neil figured he would need to think on it for a moment, so he was startled when his phone buzzed barely a second later.

Yes

Neil folded his phone away, his chest a little tight. He couldn’t remember what the movie was about anymore. Andrews’s eyes darted up to him again, almost wary, as he rearranged his lean against the couch to give him better access to Andrew.

Andrew exhaled heavily through his nose when Neil’s fingers slid into the fluffy mess of his post-game hair. He watched for a sign that he could stop, but Andrew just readjusted his shoulders slightly, head faced forward. Neil combed his fingers through Andrew’s hair, twisting the longer bits around his fingers. It was startlingly soft. Neil’s own hair was fried and twiggy from years of hair dye.

His gaze roved down the side of Andrew’s face. His eyes were half-lidded and hidden in shadows. Neil bit the inside of his cheek and returned his gaze to the TV, idly brushing his fingers through Andrew’s hair and marveling when Andrew leaned into his fingers like a cat seeking pressure.

A soft noise rustled across the room and Andrew stiffened, his shoulders tensing. Neil froze, his eyes shooting across the room.

Matt had one hand over his mouth, eyes wide with regret. His other hand was on Dan’s wrist, directing her attention across the couch. To Andrew and Neil.

Matt met Neil’s gaze and Neil gave a sharp shake to his head to stop him from saying anything.

It was too late. Allison had caught the movement. In seconds a half dozen sets of eyes were swinging over to where Neil’s hand was still buried in Andrew’s hair.

Neil retracted his hand a beat too late. “What?” Nicky said, twisting around in his spot next to Andrew. “What are you all looking at?”

Neil opened his mouth to tell everyone to stop gawking, but Andrew was already moving, pushing himself to his feet. Neil jumped up and followed him out the door, ignoring Matt’s apologetic protest. “Andrew,” he said, as the door swung shut behind them.

Andrew strode down the hallway to the stairwell, his movements jagged and tense. “Andrew,” Neil said. “Stop, look at me—”

He grabbed Andrew’s hand to slow him down and Andrew lurched to a halt, spinning around to face Neil. His face was pale in the naked fluorescent light, his eyes wide and flickering. Neil would’ve thought he was angry at how Neil had grabbed him if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew’s fingernails were digging into his hand so tight that they were going to leave bruises.

“Hey,” Neil said. “Look at me.”

“Shut up,” Andrew growled. His grip on Neil’s hand didn’t relent. Neil took a slow breath, meeting Andrew’s gaze evenly.

They stared each other down in the stairwell. Andrew stood a couple steps above him, their hands linked in the open space between them. The buzz of the overhead lights droned in Neil’s ears.

Slowly, Andrew’s shoulders dropped, the muscle in his jaw smoothing out. Neil carefully shifted his hand, interlacing their fingers. Andrew squeezed, like he was reassuring himself that Neil was real.

Andrew turned back up the stairs again, this time without the frenetic pace. Neil let himself get drawn along by their linked hands, watching the lines of Andrew’s back.

Andrew shouldered his way out onto the roof, but he didn’t go straight to the edge like Neil expected. The door slammed shut behind them with a gust of wind and Andrew shook out his pack of cigarettes one-handed, propping one between his lips before tilting the pack towards Neil.

Neil shook his head. This close to Andrew, he didn’t need his own cigarette. Andrew folded the pack into his pocket without a word and dug out his lighter.

Smoke swirled and caught around them. Neil rubbed his thumb across Andrew’s knuckles, scanning the horizon. The sky was purple and bruised with storm clouds. Humidity hung in the air in thick curtains.

Neil’s phone vibrated. Andrew flicked his eyes towards him, but Neil didn’t make a move to grab it.

They stood shoulder to shoulder for a long moment as Andrew burned through his cigarette. Neil suppressed a shiver. His t-shirt wasn’t meant to guard him against the evening chill.

His phone buzzed again.

“Are you going to check that?” Andrew said.

Neil shot him an assessing look before scrounging his phone out of his pocket.

“Matt wants to know if we’re okay,” he said, looking up to study Andrew’s profile. “Are we?”

Andrew ashed his cigarette, a tiny wrinkle forming between his eyebrows. He didn’t say anything.

“Was it me touching your hair?” Neil asked. “Or was it that they saw?”

“I don’t care what they think,” Andrew bit out.

Neil read between the lines. “But it bothered you.”

“Nothing bothers me.”

“Am I still nothing?”

“No.”

Neil blinked. Andrew wasn’t looking at him, but the set of his jaw was tight. “Oh,” Neil murmured, looking away, a fizzing, bubbling feeling rising in his stomach. He wrestled it down before it could show on his face.

“It shouldn’t matter,” Andrew said.

Neil didn’t know if he meant what had just happened in the dorms, or this. He didn’t try to specify. “We don’t always get to decide what matters.”

“Don’t pretend at wisdom,” Andrew said. “I know you.”

“You do,” Neil said, resting his shoulder against Andrew’s. Andrew leaned back, just slightly, his broad arm radiating heat. “Are we okay?”

The wind gusted again, sending goosebumps rising up the back of his neck. “Yes,” Andrew said, after a few seconds.

Neil squeezed his hand, typing out a message clumsily with his left. Fine. Just needed space. Don’t wait up

Matt’s response came through instantaneously. Let me know if you need anything.

Neil closed his phone and shoved it into his back pocket. “Do you want to go back in?”

A longer pause. “Not today.”

Not today. But maybe tomorrow. Neil didn’t say it aloud; he didn’t need to.

“I’m going to head back inside,” he said. “I’ll text you when it’s done.”

Andrew nodded, a bare tilt of the head. Neil raised their linked hands and brushed a kiss across his knuckles. Andrew flexed his fingers when Neil released them, closing his hand and tucking it into his jacket pocket.

Neil lingered a second longer to make sure Andrew was really okay before slipping back into the stairwell. It was only a few scant degrees warmer, so he descended back to the Foxes floor quickly. The door to the girls’ room was still unlocked.

He pushed it open and had about half a second to edge into the room before Allison paused the movie and all eyes turned on him.

“Hey,” Matt said. “Are you–”

“I’m fine,” Neil said.

Allison rolled her eyes. “Right, we’ve never heard that one before.”

Neil shot her a glare. Aaron beat him to the punch, though. “Where’s Andrew?” he said, scowling at Neil.

“He needed a break,” Neil said, and nodded his head towards the TV. “You can keep watching.”

“Should we wait for him?” Renee asked.

Neil shook his head. At Renee’s prodding, Allison huffed and pressed play. Neil dropped into the spot on the couch Andrew had vacated. Nicky shot him an inquiring look, but Neil shook his head to dissuade questions.

The movie played onwards, not that Neil paid much attention.

Above, on the roof, Andrew watched the storm roll towards Palmetto, washing away the dust of a dry autumn. His hand in his pocket still burned with the imprint of Neil’s palm.

He rubbed his thumb over his fingernails and tossed the butt of his cigarette away. The wind mussed his hair, blowing away the ghosts of Neil’s fingers.

His hair was too intimate, he decided. That had been a mistake.

Hands, though. He could manage that.

Next time.

The first raindrops hit the roof and he pulled his jacket around himself, waiting for the storm to break.

[nosferatyou]

Double Indemnity: Ch.1 (Josh Kiszka x Reader)

Summary: After an incident their freshman year they could barely stand to look at each other. Now it’s their senior year and are grouped together for their final project. What could go wrong?

Warnings: Cursing

WC: 2.3k

Authors note: Well. I flipped into Josh’s lane and thought of this sucker and couldn’t get it out of my head. After I heard the story behind the writers of “Double Indemnity” I just had to make this. Heres to me hopefully finishing a series! Enjoy!

Let’s go back to the day when I “met” Josh Kiszka and when I actually met Josh.

It was the summer before my freshman year of college, and at that point, film sets weren’t a stranger to me. But I sure didn’t have the experience that most of the already film majors around me had. I was roped in by my long time friend Jack who I hadn’t spoken to since graduation, but due to the circumstances, he needed as many crew members as possible. He had 2 days to write, shoot, and cut together a short film. I was a PA (production assistant) and was frantically running around helping in any way I could. I was smart enough to stay out of the way and speak up when needed.

 I met most of the crew except one, the cinematographer/camera op, who was the busiest on set. The exception being Jack, who was the director. I heard the camera OP was only there because he had the nicest camera, but my mind may have tainted what I heard about him that day.

With only an hour to spare we had finished the film. All of us dehydrated and starving, sleep-deprived too. I was cradling a horrendous migraine from the lack of water and was ready to leave before someone suggested we go to Cookout. Which is arguably the best food at 3 am. 

Against my will, I was dragged to the fast-food restaurant with the rest of the crew. At that point, I was barely conscious and sat in the back seat of Jack’s car. The stranger cinematographer who I hadn’t noticed was next to me until he tapped my shoulder. With a concerned look, asked me if I was okay and needed anything. Which was nice of him considering we’d never spoken. 

After the short exchange of words, he never seemed to fully leave my side. May it be his glances from across the table with the same concerned look, or him bring me cups of water, which I still don’t remember him getting up for. 

After that night it would be months until I see him again. 

I didn’t expect him to be in my Post Production class, but I was definitely happy to see him. It was my first day of classes and to see a familiar face was a nice change of pace compared to whirlwind of a day. Though it wasn’t too long after that that my feelings for him changed.

If you’re a film student you’re going to edit a Gunsmoke fight scene, it is basically a right of passage. Anyways I was an experienced editor and of course, was going to cut the fight scene to the beat of an Ennio Morricone song. If we were going to work on a western scene then Ennio was a must. 

 I was damn proud of my work, I seemed to be one of the best editors in the class, josh being right there with me. We didn’t exchange many words, but we kept each other company by simply sitting next to each other. 

Then came the critique day, when everyone watches your video and gives you notes. Usually its never good notes.

 After our class watched it everyone had a lot to say, mostly over small slip-ups I didn’t notice, that’s normal. Josh’s video was next and the moment the music played I was livid, he had used the same exact song, even cut it the same way I did. The worst part was that no one had anything bad to say about it, all good comments. I kept it contained, for the most part. I didn’t verbally say anything, but my constant tapping and dirty looks in his direction said otherwise. I don’t think he’d noticed.

I waited until everyone left and simply gave him a piece of my mind. Maybe I snapped at him… either way, it led to us getting into our first screaming match. Josh saying he “didn’t” copy my video and me disagreeing. I honestly don’t remember how it ended, but I do remember us getting kicked out of the building for it. 

Anyways that was three years ago, and we still hate each other. Yet here we are still in all the same classes, but the difference is we have silent warfares. Constantly competing with each other, showing each other our higher grades, and besting each other’s videos. I can barely stand to hear him talk anymore, but I do have to say. He knows how to make a good line. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even with the cold chill of the November air prickling my skin and the wind whipping my hair, my mood couldn’t be damped. Maybe “chill” is an understatement. Living in “The City by the Lake” aka Chicago brings on the harshest of winters, and as crazy as it seems, I always weirdly miss it when I go back to Michigan. Sure it has it’s many feet of snow, but Chicago makes the wind weirdly dazzling. 

This is my last coffee, I’ll switch to tea. Is something I say every morning when I get up before classes, but here I am again, with an out of place cold brew in hand and a raging caffeine addiction. In hindsight, it is better than my previous vice, cigarettes, but the headaches it brings on is just as bad as missing a cig. My one hand shoved in my pocket and the other is clutching the same cold brew as before. I may have said that I couldn’t be bothered by the weather, but I’m not immune. 

As soon as I enter Columbia’s Media Production building everything becomes flush with warmth. Its a bit uncomfortable really. I remove my gloves and quickly checked my phone, affirming that I’m right on time as always. As I stroll through the halls I tune more into the music, enjoying my free time. There is just something about Chet Baker and Chicago that just mixes so well. 

Todays a good day though, it marks my one year of quitting cigs. Did I mention that I quit? Because I quit. Anyways my roommate made a big deal out of it, I also figured out the coolest riff, I’m kind of shit at making music out of thin air so it’s a big day. 

After taking the long way to my Directing class (Cinema Directing III if you want to get technical) I finally made it to the small class. Most of the class was there, luckily for me my two-year seat partner, Gwen, was already there, waiting where she always does. We met in our Single Cam 1 class and have been inseparable since, well actually Gwen, Cora (the previously mentioned roommate), and I have been inseparable ever since. 

I made my way to my usual seat and peeled my overworn leather bomber jacket off, already feeling more comfortable. Slumping back in my chair I lazily grabbed my sketchbook and pencil out of my bag. Its become a kind of habit to draw my professors and classmates every day, something is just so fascinating about their compositions. I got to work on Gwen who was hunched over, focusing on her book in front of her. I got to work and as soon as I finished up on the basic shapes she quickly sat up, focusing on me. 

“You ready for the final project?” She questioned, stealing my coffee in the process.

“I’ve been working on a few ideas already, but then again I don’t know the assignment yet. I do know I will be grabbing the usual 4 of you the moment he says “groups.”

“Heres to hoping we can pick- Oh!” She almost spilled my coffee when she interrupted herself. 

“I forgot to text you! Happy one year of being ciggy free!” She exclaimed, handing me back the bottle.

I took a swig from the bottle when she gave it back. “Well thank you, darling. I feel like having clean lungs shouldn’t be such an achievement, but I guess here we are.”

“Be proud! Besides gives us a reason to head to Jerry’s.”

“We’d celebrate over anything if it meant going to Jerry’s and getting pissed.” I smirked at her.

“Well. You got me there. Anyways you are right, we will be getting drunk out of our minds tonight. Bless the man who decided to open a bar directly next to your apartment building.” She said, with a playful smile on her lips.

“Bless him indeed.” I laughed. 

At that moment I locked eyes with none other than the aforementioned, Josh Kiszka. It’s oddly enough what we do every time we see each other. Which is more often than I think both of us care for. But seeing him roll his eyes every time I glare at him is kind of fun. 

I followed him with my eyes as he sat down in his seat, instantly sticking his nose in- wait what is he reading? I focused and realized he was reading the screenplay for Tarantino’s “Reservoir Dogs.” Where the hell did he even get that? 

My eyes snapped up to the professor when I realized he started class.

“Alright, I’m just going to jump into this. Today we start on your final projects, and I think it’ll be very fun. A challenge for sure, but fun nonetheless.”

I slipped a sly smile to Gwen, already thinking of the best ideas in my arsenal to use.

“In groups, you all will be recreating a favorite film, but it should max be 20 minutes long. Now that’ll be your job to rewrite and format it so you can fit in the timeframe. Oh, and I swear to god if another person does Pulp Fiction I will actually scream. You can hold me to that.”

Oh Jesus okay this will be hard as hell, I guess something with a simpler plot will be easy. Ooh, or something that’s so overcomplicated I can rewrite it so it’s simpler. What’s something that’d be good for Gwen, she’s a good actress, but she can only play so much-

“I already have your groups picked out let me just put them up on the board.” My professor said, searching for the list on his computer.

Oh god. He’s never done this. We always pick groups. If Gwen and I aren’t grouped together I may just riot. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him drag the document over to the screen, so I quickly directed my attention to it.

I searched all of the lists, finally finding my name at the top of group four. Rob, Eric, and- Oh shit Gwen! Wait. There’s one more. The moment I saw the J I knew exactly who it was. My eyes darted over to Josh’s seat and had the same look I could only guess that was on my face. We both glared at each other, if we stared any harder we’d burn holes in each other.

“Motherfucker!” I whispered to Gwen, trying not to raise my voice.

“What? We are in the same group.” she looked back over to me with confusion on her face. She followed my eyes to the equally angry man across the room from me.

“Oh, shit..”

“Oh shit is right! I can’t work with that guy, I swear to god… Damn it, I can’t think of an insult! Quick help me!” I stammered out, you could practically see the steam coming out of my ears.

“Um... You can’t work with that Frodo look alike?” She suggested, both of us whispering to each other now,

“I’ll take it. I can’t work with that Frodo look alike! He’s just gonna take all of my good ideas and throw them into the lava like that fucking ring. Wait is it Frodo or sam who throws it? Know what, I don’t care. Look at what he’s making me forget important plot points in movies. I can’t work with someone who hinders my thinking process.” 

“First off, Gollum falls in with the ring in hand. Secondly, drink your coffee and focus on what movie we should do. Suggest something so good so fast that it’ll make his head spin.”

She put the almost empty coffee in my hands and I took a swig, still glancing back at josh, making the same face. 

Gwen started to ramble on, her words in the back of my mind. All I could focus on was wanting to be in any other group than his, even Leonard. He refuses to watch a Tarantino film, and simply because he thinks he’s beyond that. Leonard is someone I talk to if only necessary.

 I tuned back in to hear. “I mean if you think about it, as much as you and Josh are to Frodo and the Ring. You’re more like Billy Wilder and Ray Chandler. I mean they hated each other, but damn if they weren’t good writers. Plus, they respect a good line-”

Inspiration was swept over me. I knew exactly what we had to do. Before I knew what was happening my feet carried themself over to Josh’s seat. Same as before, we both had the same expression, except this time it was one of surprise. 

“Double Indemnity!” I blurted out a bit too loudly.

He seemed even more confused. “Double insurance money?” He questioned.

“Fuck. No. It’s the film we are going to make. It’s a fantastic idea, and it’s happening. Not even you can argue with me!” I sped out.

He sat for a moment in thought, his brows furrowed together and a cliche hand positioned on his chin. 

“Fine.” Is all he said, his arms were crossed. He seemed defeated.

I simply turned on my heel and headed back to my seat. An overexcited grin plastered to my face. 

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Six

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Five

Read on wattpad here.

Word count: 3.3k

Warning(s): Explicit language, drug abuse, explicit sexual situations

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"If you weren't such an asshole, he wouldn't have to take up for me!" I bark at Nikki as he tipsily stumbles around, ranting at me about my "fucking friend not minding his own god damn business" nearly a week ago, as the guys and Doc just look on, not knowing what the hell either of us are talking about.

"I'm an asshole?! Like you don't get me riled up and then play victim?!" He throws at me.

"Like it takes very much to get your tweaked-out ass riled up!" I point at him.

"Bitch!" He sneers out.

"Fuck up!" I hiss back.

Duff wasn't even out of line with Nikki. He had kept calm and advised Nikki to cool down and then come back and talk to me instead of getting himself and me upset.

Nikki hadn't let on if he minded Duff's intervening to defend me, until a week later, because he was taking it as Duff trying to tell him how to be married to me as if he knew me better than Nikki did, which wasn't at all Duff's intention.

Compared to the number I've seen Duff do on guys during a fist fight, Nikki was lucky he didn't lay him out in the driveway. However, he would eventually know what it felt like to be punched in the face by Duff during the "Girls" tour.

Duff was good at keeping his cool until the people he cared about became involved, and if he had been drinking a lot--which, towards the early 90s, that was the case--his temper could surpass mine, and he worried less about legalities and just started decking people as hard as he could.

I knew he struggled with the band, they weren't as close, Steven had been replaced by Matt Sorum, Izzy got sober and began distancing himself to stay sober, and to top off the disconnect from each other, Axl had become God in his own mind, which caused the fans, the band, and the people around him to suffer.

Once I realized his drinking and drug use became so overzealous, our agreement which was arranged out of court, that each of us have two weeks with Monroe a piece, became an arrangement that I had sole custody but took Monroe to visit his father for a few days out of the month. Duff was struggling so badly to keep it together with his mental health, addiction, and ailing of his band, that he didn't really notice I had our son more than he did.

If he had been a baby and wouldn't remember his father throwing back Solo cup after Solo cup of vodka, putting cocaine in the end of his cigarette and smoking it, and not acting like himself, I would have just left Monroe in the care of Tansy (since she was fully sober then) and let him stay around for two weeks.

But he was four when Duff started speeding down hill, and he was picking up on when his dad wasn't talking right and when he was acting weird, everything he saw that no one knew he was paying attention to...then he'd come back to me and Nikki after visiting and tell us about everything he had absorbed like a sponge: uncle Izzy traveling separately from the band, Dad being really cold and shivering until he got some water, uncle Axl not singing until a lot of people went home...that's when I decided to cut back time spent with his father and accompany him through his visits.

At first I thought I would be fine staying the two weeks out of the month with Monroe, but Axl and I couldn't quit fighting a majority of the time (because he was a jackass) and I came to the conclusion that Duff had enough on his plate and didn't need me to add to it by trying to punch Axl every chance I got for two weeks straight. So I cut it back to about five days out the month while they were on tour. When they weren't touring and I didn't have to be around Axl, Monroe and I would stay with Duff for about a week and a half.

Being that Nikki was more conscious than Duff, he took up where Duff had left off in the fathering department from '92-'94. This isn't me bashing the dad of my first child, either. Duff is and always will be a phenomenal father, but he stumbled for a few years, leaving Nikki to become the father Duff was supposed to be until Duff got his shit together, like Duff became the man for me that Nikki was suppose to be until Nikki got his shit together.

"Um..." Vince says, causing the both of us to glare at him. "...Can we rehearse now?"

He, Tommy, Mick and Doc were all patiently waiting for Nikki and I to finish our quarrel.

"Yeah." I sigh out. "Have a good rehearsal. I'll be at Tansy's." I head to the door.

"I hope you crash." Nikki gets one last jab in.

"I hope you OD." I leave them with the slamming of the studio door and step to my car.

Of course I didn't actually want him to OD, I just wanted to hurt him. And I did.

By the time it was time for the U.S. tour of Theater of Pain, our hands were being pinned behind our backs, and Doc was giving us a "get along or there's no Vivian Sixx on the tour" promise.

Although we were in the middle of a small battle and wanted nothing more than for the other person to wave their white flag and beg for forgiveness, Nikki didn't want to imagine going months without seeing me, and I was scared if I wasn't on tour to keep an eye on him, he would take his issues too far.

So we made up for the sake of each other's sanity, but again, never discussed what exactly happened to make us fight to begin with, and just harbored resentment we didn't realize we were holding onto until we started taking it out on each other later on.

The tour starts in upstate New York, then to Connecticut, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and all went great...until Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Nikki's coming to the side of the stage where me and his tech are standing, and I think he's reaching for some water while Tommy plays his drum solo, but before I can reach down and grab a bottle from the cooler behind me, Nikki's saying words I always dread hearing.

"Help me, dude." He tells his tech, starting to pull his arm out of his navy and white polka-dotted costume.

"What?" I ask Nikki, before my face pales, seeing him pull a needle out of his boot, and a spoon before handing the lump of tar to him. "You cannot be fucking serious?" I spout over the booming of Tommy's playing.

"Nobody out there can fucking see me, Viv, chill out." He tells me as a piece of tar is melted down with a lighter underneath the spoon.

The fact that it's so casual for him to do this in front of me, is startling.

"Nikki, this can't wait?" I try to reason with him as the spoon is discarded to the floor once the gold is sucked up through the needle.

The syringe is handed back to him, and Tommy's solo is nearly over.

I have to squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head as Nikki plunges the needle into his skin, throws up, then stumbles back on stage, nearly missing his cue.

When the drugs started to override his need for a great performance, I knew he was gone.

I get out of the shower, ringing my hair out and running my fingers through it, hearing the phone in the hotel room ring.

When I go to answer it, Nikki and Tommy are grabbing at it, shewing me away.

"Hello?" They both obnoxiously say and I roll my eyes.

The person on the other side of the phone says something.

"Oh, hey, Duff." Nikki smirks, glancing at me and I give him a "you better be fucking nice" look.

"Hey, Buddy." Tommy adds.

"Viv? Yeah, she's here." Nikki tells him and I step to them, reaching my hand out to grab the phone, thinking he's going to give it to me. "Well, she can't really talk right now with my dick down her throat."

My eyes bug out of my head as I tackle Nikki and yank the phone from him while he and Tommy laugh loudly.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Hey, s-sorry to interrupt but I was just gonna call and check how it's been going." Duff replies.

"It's great." I assure him, leaving out the heavy drinking and drug binge Nikki and Tommy have been on.

"How's Nikki been? Is he still pissed at me?"

"No, no, he's been..." I think of what to say. Shooting heroin on stage? Coked out and shooting Jack Daniels with Tommy? "...great." I finally say, seeing Nikki and Tommy biting each others ankles like dogs.

"I'm sorry again if I overstepped, Viv. I didn't mean to, I just got a little pissed." He tells me.

"Duff, he's fine, I promise." I state, seeing Tommy and Nikki start wrestling, completely oblivious to my conversation. "It's fine. I'm use to his tantrums."

"I don't think that's healthy, Viv." He tells me calmly and I let out a breath.

"He's just stressed out, they all are. It'll get better once this tour is done."

"And what happens next tour?" He asks me.

Nikki's affair is outed on television, I try to kill him, your band comes on tour with them, and you get me knocked up...

"I'm hoping he'll be over this hellion phase by then." I admit, Tommy and Nikki each have handfuls of each other's hair, yanking on it, still not paying me any attention.

"Maybe it's not my place, but from outside looking in, I'm worried about you, Viv."

"I know, I know, but there's no need to." I reassure him.

He let's out a breath, knowing he can't win, and gives up for now.

"I feel like the fucking brick wall you argue with." He tells me and I smile, rubbing my lips together, before seeing Nikki and Tommy finish their play fighting, standing up, looking like they're about to leave.

"Hey, I gotta go but I'll call you when we get to the next city, alright?" I tell him.

"Oh, yeah, that sounds good." He replies. "Goodnight, love you."

"Love you, too." I reply before hanging up just as Nikki and Tommy sneak to the door. "Where do you two think you're going?" I ask and they freeze.

"Uh, well..." Tommy stutters to come up with an excuse, but Nikki just doesn't give a shit.

"Score some stuff." He tells me and I cross my arms over my towel.

"Nikki--"

"Tommy, can you give us a second?" Nikki says it like the answer can't be "no."

Tommy just raises his brows a little and nods.

"Sure, man, I'll be in my room when you're ready." He tells him, stepping out.

Nikki shuts the door behind him and I wait for him to start a fight, my brow raised, an expression of "can't wait to hear what audacious bullshit comes out of your mouth this time" is plastered all over my face when he turns around.

As far as I can tell, he hasn't snorted, shot up or smoked anything in the past hour and a half, which means I'm not facing the absolute devil that goes by the name "Sikki" and is Nikki's evil, drug loaded, irritable, mean, scary, abusive, demonic, sadistic, cruel, vindictive, disgusting alter-ego.

Nikki rolls his jaw a little with each step to me, but I don't cower back, waiting for him to say whatever it is he is going to say.

His hands bunch at my towel, pulling me against him.

He doesn't say a word, and I keep my arms crossed until he holds back the inkling of a smirk, leaning down to press a small kiss where my shoulder and neck meet.

I know what he's doing, because I do it to him all the time: using sex to get what he wants.

I bite my tongue to keep from moaning when we realizes I'm not budging and ups the anti, the tip of his tongue making slow, figure-eights in the same spot.

I feel like someone's knocked the back of my knees loose with a baseball bat, and I have to uncross my arms and hold tightly to him to keep from falling down.

He completely engulfs me in his arms at the sound of me letting out a whimper, my fingers grabbing at his hair, my legs rubbing themselves together to aid some relief.

His hands pull at my towel, discarding it to the floor, pressing his lips along my chest, over my breast, running his tongue around my nipple skillfully.

Hands run themselves between my legs while teeth carnally tug and bruise my skin, sending a wave of heat from my chest to my dripping core.

His mouth moves to my other nipple, but my real undoing is when his teeth trail down to the rib below my right breast, and bite down.

I gasp out, arching into him, my head tips back as he adds a bruise to the skin there that's already scarred with his teeth imprints collected over the years.

He smooths his tongue over the bite before trailing down my stomach, pressing to my pubic bone.

He pulls one of my legs over his shoulder as he gets on his knees, pressing gentle kisses down my inner thigh.

My chest is heaving with loss of breath as he looks me in the eyes and runs tongue from my entrance to my clit.

I dig my nails into his hands that hold steady at my waist as the slick sound and euphoric feeling of his tongue lacing back and forth and side to side against the sensitive nerve endings.

He pulls away for a moment, only to spit between my legs and suck it off my pussy, making my one standing leg go numb at the sensation.

Shallow pants leave my mouth as I start moving in rhythm with him, one of my hands reaching for his hair, pulling at it.

He takes one of his hands from me before rubbing it against my folds, getting his fingers wet, and sliding them into me.

The thick, fullness has my walls tightening around the two digits, eager to please myself as his tongue massages my clit, and my fingers come up to play with my own nipples.

"Nikki." I let out shakily, his fingers curling inside of me, pulling back out, pushing back in only to repeat. "Fuck, you do it so good." I praise hoarsely, one of my hands going back to his hair.

His tongue picks up it's pace, sending my heart rate into overdrive as his fingers keep up with the pace.

He knows exactly what he's doing, smirking up at me when his fingers hit the spot, my throat unable to contain the loud but curt moan that the people in the room next to us can probably hear as I milk his fingers as if they're his cock and my orgasm gets closer and closer.

He pulls his mouth away, licking his lips, before using the pad of his thumb from his other hand to rapidly rub at my swollen flesh.

I grip around his fingers so tightly it falters his ability to move them as well, and he lets out a little groan.

"I wish I could be three places at one time." He comments.

If he could be three places in me at one time I would be wrapped around him 24/7.

"C'mon, Viv, I'm getting really thirsty here." He says gruffly, that fucking smirk pulling at a corner of his mouth, as I throw my head back, letting out another loud moan, so close to my end I can taste it.

His hazel eyes looking up at me in adoration as I curl my toes and come so hard I see black dots.

He's taking his fingers out of me, grabbing at my ass with both hands, pulling me into him and licking every last drop of cum from me before I collapse on top of him, the both of us landing on the floor.

He let's out a laugh as I try to catch my breath, my chest pressed against his, my hands holding at his biceps.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, proudly, and I nod.

"I just need a minute..." I can barely get out in a rasp.

After about five minutes, I'm getting off of him and pulling myself onto the foot of the bed.

He stands up, too, stepping to my suitcase, tossing me one of his shirts he gave to me.

"Thank you." I say to him quietly and pull it on and when he pulls his jacket on, I know he's about to go out to get some more smack.

This terrifies me and tears come to my eyes.

"I'll be back in..." He stops talking, furrowing his brows, looking at me. "...Viv?"

I shake my head a little, waving him off.

"I'm fine, babe." I try to tell him.

"Vivian, why're crying." He asks me.

"I-I think I'm about to start my period." I lie, sniffling. "I'm just being over-emotional."

"Are you sure?"

I nod.

"I'll be back in a couple hours, alright?"

I nod again.

"Alright, I'll see you later." He tells me, wiping my tears with his thumb before pressing his lips to mine for a few seconds, and walking out the door.

When I envisioned my life when I was little, getting married at nineteen, having three miscarriages by the time I was twenty-one, having an addict husband, and spending a majority of my nights sleeping alone—which is one thing I absolutely hated to do—was not at all how I dreamt of my life being when I grew up.

But there I was.

Night after night.

City after city.

Alone.

In pain.

Broken.

Silent.

With not a single soul knowing about it.

It's been four hours and Nikki still isn't back.

Restless, I turn over to read the digital alarm clock.

4:02a.m.

Sighing out, I get out of the bed and go to my suitcase to grab a pair of panties and slip them on, before grabbing one of Nikki's shirts from his bag that smells like him.

I leave the hotel room and head next door to Vince's room, knocking on the door.

After several attempts, the door opens to reveal a very confused, half asleep, blonde girl that isn't Sharise—who's baby is due any day now.

"Hi." I say, hushly, pushing past her. "Did you guys do anything in the bed?" I ask her once I'm standing by the bed and she rubs her eyes, still in a haze.

She mumbles something that sounds like "the shower" and I hold out my room key to her.

"You can go sleep in my bed. Room 223." I say.

She doesn't ask questions, she just wants to go back to sleep.

Once she shuts the door, I'm patting around the mattress to avoid laying on Vince.

I slip in where she was, Vince's back to me.

I seperate his naked body from me by laying on top of the sheet, just letting the comforter guard me from the cool air from the vent, and actually snuggle closer to him, my forehead pressing against his back as I hold Nikki's shirt close to me like it's my sacred baby blanket, and drift off.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Homestretch....the final Cyberverse episodes... :’(

Season 3: Episodes 21 - 26

Episode 21

Ok so before we start, I gotta fess up and say I got spoiled for something because Twitter Sucks, so I know Tarn is in this series. Here are my predictions about that: 

Megatron said he rescued Astrotrain from a tyrant. I thought he meant an Alt!Universe version of him, but now that I know This Bastard is gonna be in it, I’m guessing it’s Tarn

If Megatron DID save Astrotrain from Tarn, it’d be hilarious if Tarn & co. weren’t actually planning to kill Astrotrain, they were just using him as transport, in which case Megatron essentially car-jacked (train-jacked?) them.

As much as I rag on Tarn and the DJD I actually do genuinely love the idea of an Autobot + Decepticon teamup against the DJD THAT WOULD BE SO FRICKIN COOL....

Anyways, on to the episode!

Pics taken 10 seconds before disaster, rip Cosmos.

MEDIA BOT and Cosmos! :D GOSH COSMOS REALLY IS CONFIRMED FOR BABY THAT”S ADORABLE.....I’m so glad he’s finally back in a cartoon

OH WHOOPS I FORGOT WINDBLADE WAS FRICKIN DEAD (ish)

LUNA 3???

The “FORBIDDEN” moon? 

Chromia: You can go there anyways! Bee: Huh?  Chromia: When have the rules ever stopped you before? Bee: Fair point

BRO WHY DO YOU HAVE A TOY OF SQUIDSCREAM

aw I love all those photos of him and cosmos, that’s cute

Oh no did he quit the business because he lost Cosmos???

METEOR-FIRE what a cool name

I like this dude a lot

I love that he’s obviously depressed about losing his partner but immediately gets convinced to go break into Luna 3 lmao

HE’S GOT CUTE CAMERAS WITH HIM I love that

LMAO I was gonna say “Wow you just flip the switches alright” THEN HE JUST RIPS THE CORDS OUT I love this guy

Hmm suspicious

Aw I love the space-shots of Cybertron, what a gorgeous planet....

Oh hello cannon-fodder #418

SHOCKWAVE SHOCKWAVE SHOCKWAVE!!!!!

IT”S THE GRUDGE LMAO

It’s probably a sim that shows you the scariest thing you can think of

BLURR!!! AW THAT’S SO SAD

Ok I take it back, it’s probably like MTMTE’s “Cyberutopia” thing where it reads your memory files

Watch the cameras Bee!!!

“Bee, I don’t mean to alarm you, but the alien presence has taken over my circuits” *HEAD DOES A 180* GOSH I LOVE THIS FRICKIN SHOW

The facial expressions in this show are SO FUN Bee’s so expressive I love that

I like that Meteor-Fire is so chill about this, this ain’t his first rodeo

He just snaps his neck back into place that’s so freaky and they play it off so well lol

PRETTY SPACE BALL???? PRETTY SPACE BALL!!! HEY HASBRO CAN YOU MAKE A TOY OF THIS I WANT IT!!!!!!

Gosh I’d legit buy a gem like this if it had constellations engraved on it THAT’S SO PRETTY I LOVE IT

It’s a good thing that Bee’s got Meteor-Fire with him, this is his field!!!

Oh lmao JUST KIDDING I GUESS

Well so much for the alien, rest in pieces

I think Saling already said this in their liveblog but I love that Bee’s collecting Windblade’s parts a-la-Megaman X2 style

COSMOS!!!!!! Yay I’m so glad they got him back!!!

Meteor-Fire: Look everybody, Cosmos is back!!! :D ME TOO BUD I’m so excited to see my space-baby

RODDY AND ARCEE!!!! I love that Percy took over for Maccadam, but that’s also so sad!!! ALSO WHY HAS HE NOT FIXED HIS EYES, RATCHET PLEASE HELP THIS POOR GUY

Episode 22  

OHH PRETTY PLANET

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The background designers on this show are great

Rodimus: That place has nothing but bad memories for me Every Drift fan simultaneously: Mood....

I really don’t think they’ll bring Drift back (unless he’s like, a zombie, which would still suck) so that’s a bummer

Rodimus: *Talking about his trauma* Me, very distracted: Wow Bee looks really cute here

SERIOUSLY THOUGH THEY NEED RUNG IN THIS SERIES They need a therapist in every Transformers series, all these bots need therapy (though tbf they tried to give Starscream therapy and that sure didn’t help, pft)

GRIMLOCK MAYBE DON’T--oh ok too late WELL THERE THEY GO

Repugnis?? I don’t remember who that is

A CITY?????? PRETTY

INSECTICON

lmao the frickin voice actor for that grey dude cracked me up

BEE MAYBE DON’T IMMEDIATELY TRUST THEM

Energon masters???? What

Interesting that they used “She” for Grimlock

Affluence?? 

Oh great these guys are the Cybertronian bourgeoisie 

Oh boy they’re just wasting energon huh

THE SHOCKS????

That’s a pretty bubble but JEEZ

OH NO WHY CAN”T HE TRANSFORM??

WAIT WHERE”S THE AUDIO oh wait no OP did mention there was an audio dropout

Is Grimlock gonna make friends with the bugs!!!

OH RIGHT the bug is Repugnis 

Aw the bugs are way nicer than the bourgeoisie, surprising absolutely no one

HELL YEAH, EAT THE RICH GRIMLOCK

“If we let you go, things will change! We like things the way they are” jeez

I wonder how the Shocks came about

It frickin figures

PRISON BREAK BEE!!!!

EAT HIM GRIMLOCK!!!

“Well this is quite astonishing” cute....

YEAH I WAS WONDERING IF THEY HAD THE SAME ALT MODE they looked like they had bug-bits, I didn’t realize that thing was keeping them from transforming though

Episode 23   

Oh right Megatron has a Matrix of Leadership I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

I ALSO FORGOT WHIRL WAS IN THIS SERIES, MY BABY.....

JETFIRE WATCH OUT YOU BIG NERD

“Rack ‘n Ruin and Ratchet” OH IS THIS GONNA BE A RATCHET EPISODE??? PLEASE?????? PLEASE SAY RATCHET EPISODE

Aw poor Rack n Ruin...

RATCHET BABY BOY!!! I forgot he was a New Yorker in this series lmao

“I LOVE Jetfire!”  “I know, me too!” CUTE....

I love that every continuity has Ratchet stuck with someone who annoys him in a ship

I love that Ratchet’s not even concerned

RATCHET’S DESIGN IN CYBERVERSE IS SO CUTE...

Wait UNSPACE???? Isn’t that where they sent a bunch of bad people????

Different Quantum Frequencies??? Dimensionally aligned??? MAN I LOVE THIS GOOFY SHOW

“It’s a blue-purple” CUTE....

UH OH HERE COMES ASTROTRAIN throwing dead-end??

I love that Astrotrain is so HUGE compared to everyone else, thank you Cyberverse for my life

“Every time..” LMAO GOSH THIS SHOW IS LITERALLY THE BEST someone please make a gif of that. I love that this implies that every time someone rides in Astrotrain they get ejected at 100 mph and skid 50 ft face-first, that’s such a delightful mental image. I think this 5 second scene is legitimately one of my favorite goofs / scenes in this show IT’S JUST THAT GOOD

You can tell I really enjoyed something when I make a meme of it

IT”S ILLEGAL TO BE THIS CUTE!!!!!!!!

OK IT’S LEGITIMATELY A LITTLE FRIGHTENING TO SEE HOW HUGE ASTROTRAIN IS WHEN IN ATTACK-MODE, HE SO EASILY PICKED THEM UP but that’s why it’s cool for him to be SO much bigger than they are, I LOVE BIG CYBERTRONIANS

LMAO I LOVE ASTROTRAIN he’s such a turd to DeadEnd

“Time to pay Ratchet a house-call. ‘Cuz he’s a doctor!” I almost snorted my drink up my nose, I LOVE THE DORKY HUMOR IN THIS SHOW

I swear this series was made with me in mind

TWO HEADS, NO BRAINCELLS

You wonder if Shadow Striker and Soundwave ever just rock-paper-scissor to see who has to deal with the latest Autobot bs that day

“And we don’t” OH SHOOT THEY’RE BEING LEFT OUT OF THE DECEPTICON’S PLANS TOO...This is more dire than I thought

Man I really do love Shadow Striker and Soundwave, they’re the only competent Decepticons

OH NO NOT RATCHET!!! NO!!!!!

Ohh so Astrotrain is still a triple changer in this series!! :O

WOW A SHOT TO THE HEAD REALLY DIDN”T DO ANYTHING HUH

REST IN PIECES DEADEND lmao he and Percy both have good survival stats it seems

NICE MOVES GRANDPA glad your hips still work lol

Oh good I’m glad they actually kept the purple thing

RIP Rack n Ruin

DEADEND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS

YEAHHHHH SHADOW STRIKER AND SOUNDWAVE!!!!!

“You’ve been told this area is off-limits” Oh shoot so Megatron really doesn’t trust them with this huh??? Must be some serious stuff they saw while universe-hopping

“Make us” SOUNDWAVE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU MY SASSY BOY

Love that he’s pissing off this dude who’s literally 4 times his height, love my son

Shadow Striker & Soundwave are Goth / Jock solidarity

Ratchet: Yeah yeah yeah I know Cuteeee

Wow they’re really not gonna help Shadow Striker and Soundwave????

THEY’RE LITERALLY JUST DOLL-SIZE IN HIS HANDS which is probably a not great reminder for Soundwave after that Dr. Tentacle Dude incident

Astrotrain: *bops their faces together* heehee Soundwave: BI Shadow Striker: >8(

JEEZ, BYE ASTROTRAIN

THE STYLE IS SO JARRING I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE UNSPACE AND HOW IT LOOKS (especially when contrasted with the regular drawing-style of the show. Really great artistic choice!)

Oh shoot so Astrotrain can just leave whenever huh

Aw what cute high fives, man this show has such good vibes

Episode 24  

NOOOO ONLY THREE EPISODES LEFT.....

:(((((

WINDLBADE!!!! I hope she’ll be ok

DID it work?? Wait you guys still have two frickin shards left, YOU”RE SO BAD AT THIS

A SHARK????? WTF

HE JUST PICKED HER UP AND DIPPED WTF WHO IS THAT

It’s not Skybyte obviously but he’s a shark too so WHO IS THAT

OHH IS THAT THE HALL OF RECORDS???? 

Wait wtf the Decepticons are attacking?? Oh wait RACK N RUIN DID YOU REALLY TELL THEM THAT

OH NO HE FROZE

WHOA  WHAT”S HAPPENING

WHAT OPTIMUS NO

WHAT”S HAPPENING!!!!! WTF

I WAS GONNA MAKE A BSOD JOKE BUT I TAKE IT ALL BACK OPTIMUS PLEASE BE OK YOU CAN’T DIE IN THIS SERIES

Is this referencing the other time when he glitched oh no....I knew that’d come back to bite us

In other news, I love that we’re learning more about the life and (cyber)biology of Cybertron, I’m so glad we got to have pretty much almost the entire series set on Cybertron

I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THAT!!! THAT’S SO COOL!!! This is the stuff I want to see in Transformers shows!!!

Hasbro could literally make a nature documentary set on Cybertron and I’d be ecstatic. Gimme more details about their world and architecture and city stuff

“Fellow Primes, why have I been summoned?” Oh shoot so the other past primes can just jack OP’s consciousness whenever??? That frickin sucks. I do love the Atlantis vibes I’m ge HOLY FRICK IS THAT MAC

AHHHHHHHH MACCADAM!!!!!!!!!!! GRANDPA!!!!!!! PLEASE GIVE OPTIMUS DAD ADVICE!!!!!! IM SO GLAD WE GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN

Chromia: Bee are you crazy?? Bee: YES! *jumps off the ship*

I love that this weird storm cloud area is basically like an ocean, that’s so cool

OH NO BEE!!!!!!!

Jeez that startled me, the shark sounds just like Bee

“Well you’re doing a scrap job” lmao Chromia please

Oh it’s the Argon Sea, it IS an ocean pft

“An ancient evil” hooo boy

BEE he’s so cute. Wait don’t just jump down a random hole AT LEAST WAIT FOR CHROMIA

CREEPY TENTACLE STUFF AGAIN, JEEZ CYBERVERSE

KICK HIS BUTT CHROMIA

Aw man, not you too Bee

MISTRESS OF FLAME!!!! I get so excited about every IDW reference haha, I love Caminus and I love that they’re letting that still exist

JEEZ THAT”S NOT CREEPY AT ALL

Is this a Titan???? IT IS A TITAN

It’s like a Cthulu titan huh

Chromia: That is THE creepiest thing I’ve ever heard THANK YOU CHROMIA, SAME THOUGHT

Chromia’s just like “This doesn’t even come close to my Top 10 list of BS I’ve had to deal with lately”

More weird smoke, oh great

JEEZ THAT’S A FREAKY TITAN

Me, crying softly: GAY RIGHTS....(and Bee). MAN THE FRIENSHIPS IN THIS SHOW ARE SO GREAT :’)

ALCHEMIST PRIME!!!!!!!!! I FRICKIN KNEW YOU WERE A PRIME

“But this is not about me” I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU THOUGH

Wait why is a part of Windblade in Megatron’s Matrix

WHY WOULD THEY ALSO BE IN THE OTHER MATRIX oh they mean alt-universe them

It’s frickin HYSTERICAL that every time Optimus has some ~deep spiritual~ conversation with the past Primes he’s just standing there frozen while the Autobots wait for him to unfreeze like he’s some kind of ancient computer doing updates. Like, that’s legitimately one of the funniest pieces of information canon’s given us so far, thank you for my life Cyberverse writers.

I wonder if Arcee and the other bots ever take selfies with him while he’s frozen like that THERE’S SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR COMEDY HERE

Optimus: *is frozen for a couple hours while talking to old Primes* Autobots: *put on PJs and unroll their sleeping bags so they can have a slumber party while waiting for him*

Heck now I’m just imagining them playing truth or dare or some similar game while waiting for Optimus to wake up. 

I’m sure at some point during their voyage on the Ark, Optimus froze and they all played the “who can do this silly / embarrassing thing in front of Optimus and get away with it before he wakes up” game. Like, Rodimus somersaults down the hall while spouting fire in front of Optimus, Bee does a handstand while singing the alphabet backwards, etc, and whoever’s in front of Optimus when he “wakes up” loses. (It’d be even funnier if Optimus kept pretending to be frozen while they played until someone did something REALLY embarrassing and he unfroze to freak them out. Then again, the Matrix going back into his chest would probably be too much of a giveaway huh)

OH NO I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN THE EUPHORIA OF THIS IDEA I FORGOT THERE’S ONLY TOO EPISODES LEFT NOW....

Episode 25

I love Astrotrain’s design (both in bot-mode and his alt mode) because he just looks like a grumpy evil train and that makes me so happy.

Also RAIN!!! I love rain and this looks so pretty

LMAO ASTROTRAIN YOU’RE SUCH A TURD I had no opinion of him before this show but now I frickin love him

HE PULLED THE CHAIR OUT FROM UNDER HIM

“I HAVE HIS MATRIX” OH NO DID HE STEAL THIS FROM SHATTERED GLASS’ OPTIMUS OH FRICK

Megatron running like that while holding the Matrix in his hands reminds me so vividly of a younger sibling stealing their older sibling’s diary and fleeing at top-speed from said older sibling and that’s hilarious to me. Megatron is so petty

Dang, so that’s how his eye got messed up. Ngl it’s a good look

CYBER COWS!!!!

Wow that wall is so WEAK the Decepticons are so dumb lmao

Oh yeah they have a new furry on their team

Rodimus: Math isn’t my strong-suit.

Arcee: Especially me!  Arcee you are ADORABLE

OH SHOOT MEGATRON CAN TALK TO THE PAST PRIMES TOO...DANG

WINDBLADE!!! MAKE WINDBLADE A PRIME YOU COWARDS

Ok I know I said “Shattered-Glass Optimus” earlier but based on that spoiler some moron on Twitter posted, IT’S PROBABLY TARN...man I wish I hadn’t seen that spoiler but despite that IM STILL EXCITED

Makes you wonder how TARN got the Matrix though (not that I can’t guess 8( )

Oh my gosh I just realized we have the potential to see Windblade kick Tarn’s butt in this series. Cyberverse PLEASE, I’D LOVE TO SEE THAT

Ah so Astrotrain is the new scientist

Ur bugs are probably dead dude

LASERBEAK!!!!

RAVAGE??? Oh no that’s the furry dude MAN I GET SO EXCITED EVERY TIME, I KEEP FORGETTING

As much as I Die for loyal Soundwave, it’s really cool seeing him being his own character and acting on his own in this series and trusting his own judgement / surveillance! It’s so good. Soundwave you’re so smart (and I love that he loves Laserbeak :’) )

*SOBBING* CASE IN POINT...HE PET THE BABY..

OHOHO IT”S *THE* INSECTICONS

Oh shoot the Insecticons are deserting 

“No one can stop him. Not even you” dang son

“He doesn’t want us. He wants you” OH BOY

MY BABY WHIRL!!!! THAT’S MY BOY

SEEKERS!!! I forgot we still had a few who Starscream didn’t frickin kill

NICE JUMP-ATTACK OPTIMUS I love that he cuts the dude’s weapon in half meanwhile Grimlock just frickin eats the guy lmao. So much for Optimus’ mercy

FRICK FRICK FRICK IT IS TARN

OK TARN OBJECTIVELY SUCKS BUT AT THE SAME TIME I ACTUALLY DO LOVE HIM BECAUSE HOLY FRICK IS HE A DANGEROUS CHARACTER AND THERE’S SO MUCH TO PLAY WITH THERE, I CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM AND HOW THEY USE HIM FOR THE STORY AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dead End: Yeah, I see your point Lmao I love this guy

Everyone’s gonna frickin die in this series

OH NO WHIRL oh wait yeah he and Dead End know each other, Whirl’s fine

SOUNDWAVE CAN YOU AND SHADOW STRIKER CHILL FOR 2 SECONDS

I love Skybyte’s voice

WOW MEGATRON, YOU”RE ONLY PROTECTING HALF THE PLANET, JEEZ

OH SHOOT

OH SHOOT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh so that’s why they had a wall, Megatron you turd

WHIRL NO!!!!!!! oh he’s fine thank goodness

Did Megatron get taller??? He looks taller than Optimus now

Just use Optimus’ matrix you big baby

“It’s time I called in that debt you owe me. Now it’s time for you to save me” I LEGITIMATELY SHRIEKED OUT LOUD, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

THERE HE IS, THERE HE IS THERE HE IS!!!!!!!

SCREW PAST ME’S OPINION, TARN IS FRICKIN COOL AS HELL

OH SHOOT THERE’S A TON OF HIM WTF

WHERE’S THAT FRICKIN “THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS, THERE!!! IT!!! IS!!!” MEME BECAUSE THAT’S BEEN ME THIS ENTIRE EPISODE HOLY HECK

Episode 26

MORE PRIME NAMES!!! A) that’s very pretty B) LEGIT THOUGH IF WINDBLADE’S THE ONE WHO KICKS TARN’S BUTT I’LL GO APE

OH FRICK IF OPTIMUS IS THERE THEN TARN REALLY DID KILL HIM or it means he beefed it in that universe, as he usually does

“I wish I’d gotten to know you better” 8((((((

What happened to Alt!Universe Optimus!!!!!!! How did you die!!!

Windblade: Optimus, you’re speaking in riddles... Optimus: I always do, it comes with the job of Prime. Windblade: Oh right

“A perfect Decepticon race” HOO BOYZY.....

“All because I spared your life” MAN THAT HURTS

At least they aren’t attacking them right now?

HOW CAN THEY POSSIBLY RESOLVE THIS SERIES IN 10 MINUTES

ASTROTRAIN YOU COWARD not that I blame him, every bot for themself I guess

OH NO THE HURT PUPPY WHINE MAKES ME SO SAD

HELL YEAH SOUNDWAVE SAVE MY BABY BEE

I TAKE IT BACK TARN IS CANCELED, HE HIT SOUNDWAVE

*AND* HE GRABBED CHROMIA, YOU”RE CANCELED, ALL THESE CLONES ARE CANCELED

SOUNDWAVE IS THE ONLY VALID DECEPTICON

Optimus: Can’t keep-- Megatron: WE MUST! Me: *SOBS*

OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON BACK-TO-BACK FIGHTING AHHHHHHHHHH, IT”S THE LITTLE-THINGS

Definitely not the right time for this joke but: AU where instead of saying “Powers of Cybertron, unite!” they say “GAY RIGHTS” to activate their Matrix powers

Frick what if they kill MEGATRON in this series

HECK YEAH EVERYONE’S GETTING AN UPGRADE

Megatron: We must join our Matrixes together! Optimus: Now REALLY isn’t the best time for a marriage proposal Megatron: What Optimus: What

Thank you for telling Optimus to get down for once instead of just blasting him AND the Tarn-copies, Megatron

OH FRICK IT IS ALT-UNIVERSE MEGATRON NOT TARN WHO’S THE BIG BAD

I LEGIT STOPPED BREATHING DURING THIS ENTIRE SEQUENCE AHHHH

THIS IS INFINITELY BETTER (AND WORSE) THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THAT MEANS ALT!UNIVERSE MEGATRON DID KILL OPTIMUS...MEANWHILE OUR UNIVERSE’S MEGATRON SPARED OPTIMUS...MAN THAT HURTS ME SO BAD

MEGATRON NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OPTIMUS SAVE HIM SAVE HIM PLEASE SOMEHOW SAVE HIM!!!!!

OPTIMUS LITERALLY FRICKIN RAN ACROSS THE ROOM TO CATCH HIM, MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS DRAMA

NO!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN”T DO THIS TO ME CYBERVERSE

“Prime...one shall stand...one shall....” THIS IS THE SADDEST FRICKIN THING THAT”S HAPPENED IM LEGIT GONNA CRY, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Hold on...my friend...” IM GONNA BAWL MY EYES OUT OPTIMUS

I legit had to take a moment to get up and do a lap around my room while processing what happened LIKE OK I KNOW THEY PROBABLY (???) WON’T PERMA-KILL MEGATRON BUT FRICK DUDE THAT WAS SO EMOTIONAL

MEGAOP RIGHTS....BUT AT WHAT COST

What’s fricking me up rn (granted, several things are fricking me up right now) is that this universe’s Megatron knew he could’ve achieved his goals if he’d just killed Optimus. He said so himself; he could’ve had it all but he failed “all because I spared your [Optimus’] life”. Whatever he saw in that other universe convinced him that killing Optimus just wasn’t worth it (or perhaps, deep deep DEEP down, he really doesn’t want to kill his old friend).

I’m rewatching that last minute and this feels like a frickin fanfiction. I’m Living but also Dying

I KNOW THIS IS A VERY TENSE SCENE BUT MEGATRON’S “I won’t pay for anything!” MADE ME LAUGH

SOUNDWAVE STANDING BETWEEN SHADOW-STRIKER AND MEGATRON!!!!!!!!! STANDING UP TO MEGATRON!!!! SOBS I LOVE SOUNDWAVE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ALSO PLEASE BE CAREFUL MY SWEET BOY!!!!! IF YOU GET HURT ILL NEVER BE OVER IT

Two reasons he could’ve done that: to keep Shadow Striker from getting super pissed off and lashing out at this enemy who’s way above their level, or because the “jacked up Frankenstein experiment” thing is a sore subject for her and Soundwave recognizes that (and frankly I’m leaning toward option B because SOBS....I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP)

GOTH FRIENDS!!!

OH OK THANK GOODNESS, MEGATRON ISN’T DEAD DEAD YET

Dang so Megatron did kill Optimus

OH NO WE’RE GETTING A FLASHBACK

FRICK THAT”S SO GRUESOME, HE JUST RIPPED OPTIMUS’ CHEST OPEN

YOU ALREADY KNOW THE MOST PERFECT DECEPTICON, HIS NAME IS SOUNDWAVE!!! YOU JUST DON’T APPRECIATE HIM YOU BIG BULLY

Oh shoot so the Quints came to that world too

DANG HE JUST WRECKED THEIR SHIP HUH....

I’m loving this throwback to the IDW design

WOW Y’ALL JUST IMMEDIATELY WENT “SURE WE’RE ONBOARD” (I mean, good way to stay alive but C’MON GUYS....)

“I have no need for any of you” WHOOPS SO MUCH FOR THAT should’ve seen that coming

THIS SUCKS SO BAD

NONONONO!!!! MEGATRON!!!!

HECK NOW HE HAS THE MATRIX

wow you guys really just let Megatron fall to the floor COME ON OPTIMUS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SMOOTH MOVES

NICE ONE BEE!!!!!!

YEAH WERE ARE ARCEE AND HOT ROD

FRICK YEAH WHIRL, MESS HIM UP!!!!!!!!!

YEAH SHADOW STRIKER!!!!!!

RATCHET PUNCHING TARN HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

FRICK HE CAN JUST MATERIALIZE LIKE THAT TOO

WELL THAT DIDN’T LAST LONG

BEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“And now you will pay the price...for being a hero” DANG THAT”S A COOL LINE BUT DON’T HURT MY BOY

FRICK HIM UP OPTIMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WINDBLADE NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO SAVE EVERYONE

YEAHHHH WINDBLADE!!!!!!!

Yeah don’t turn your back on the body please

YO Astrotrain came back

ASTROTRAIN THAT SOUNDS SO CREEPY AND ALSO THAT’S SUCH A BAD IDEA, JUST KILL HIM

I know this is a kid’s show but PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO MAKE SURE HE WON’T POP BACK UP IN A FEW YEARS WITH ANOTHER ARMY

IM GLAD WINDBLADE IS BACK AND IM LOVING THE HUG BUT DID MEGATRON LEGIT FRICKIN DIE????

WHAT!!! WHAT THAT CAN’T BE IT!?!?!? HOW COULD YOU END IT LIKE THAT NO!!!!!!! THAT WAS SO ABRUPT nO!!!!!!!!!! 

The last few episodes were such an adrenaline rush I CAN”T BELIEVE WE CAME DOWN FROM THAT HIGH SO QUICKLY....IS MEGATRON ALIVE??? KICKSTARTER TO FUND ONE MORE EPISODE???? SPARE ANOTHER EPISODE FOR A POOR FAN???

MAN I wish we could’ve stayed in the universe of this show for a little longer but dang!!! That was really really good!!! I’m so grateful we got to have such a wonderful series like Cyberverse! :’) Thank you to everyone who worked on this incredible show!!!

Man now I gotta wait for WfC for new Transformers content....at least I can look through the tag w/out getting spoiled now

A few more thoughts now that I’ve re-read my liveblog:

If Megatron could hop into the Matrix of Leadership he possessed, I wonder if he ever had a chance to talk to that universe’s Optimus Prime... :( based on what he said, probably not, but that makes me so sad!!!! Did they ever get the chance to work things out!!! IS MEGATRON ALIVE OR NOT.....

[slxyangel]

Pain and Noise (Duff x Reader)

Summary: I was fed up with just about everything that constituted my life, so I started playing.

Warnings: Unprotected sex, mentions of violence, swearing, panic attack.

Wordcount: Almost 5k

A/N: First fic I ever write, I am nervous and this was originally in Spanish, so be nice with my best try of a translation. Enjoy :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

Masterlist: https://slxyangel.tumblr.com/post/189625800403/masterlist

The pain in the back of my hands was intense, searing, and growing worse with every minute I spent holding the drumsticks and unloading my rage over the drums in the studio. The accumulated tension stiffened my fingers, the muscles in my arms were numb and it had been a while since I started feeling my nails spiking my own skin because of the pressure I was putting on it. I didn’t care; I preferred to feel that rather than the anguish that had been threatening to rip off my chest these last few weeks. I don’t know how much time I spent like that. What I do remember is the pain. And the noise.

I also remember sitting on the stool during a little while the guys were out, I’m not sure what for, maybe to grab some food or take a break. They had been working on the album for months, and these days of polishing, re-recording, fixing and tuning everything up for the final version were being especially hard; they deserved a breather. “And so do I”, I told myself while I held Steven’s drumsticks and gave it a second thought, maybe it wasn’t a good idea. He, as any other percussionist, didn’t like it when someone else fiddled with his instrument, not to mention if it happened without him being around to control it. I could only hope that he didn’t show up in that very moment and caught me, because I don’t think I would have the strength to explain him every thought that was circling my head the moment I decided to play his drums, and even less not to drown the whole story with my tears. I mean, come on, it was only going to be a little while.

I had been working with the band practically since the recording process for Appetite for Destruction began. I was in my last year of university, and needed an internship to complete my learning agreement, and, I still can’t comprehend how, my best friend’s father got me plugged-in in Geffen Records. They were the ones who decided that the best option for an audiovisuals student was in the recordings for a young rock band’s debut album. This is how I ended up being Mike Clink’s personal assistant and hanging out with Axl, Slash, Izzy, Duff and Steven. The chemistry had been practically automatic, I got along with them pretty quick and, even though I started being basically the coffee girl, I was always very comfortable in such a creative and carefree environment.

I remember those first days in which Mark, my boyfriend, used to drive me to the studio in his car. I could drive, of course, but my new job seemed almost more exciting for him than it did for me, so he insisted in getting me there, picking me up and making me tell him every little detail of my brand-new work life. He was thrilled when I told him how I had spent twenty minutes of my first day talking with Slash and he had shown interest about my studies, my reasons to be there and my general life. “If we’re gonna work together, we might as well be friends”, he said. The guy told me that he had a snake, that his parents were artists and that’s why he had always been so involved with music. He also said he got his first guitar when he was 15 and that he and the guys ended up together out of sheer coincidence, but they had realized they were the perfect combination, so they were really excited about their new project. It was there that I realized I was in the right place and, even if, worst case scenario, the rest of the band hated me, at least I had a new friend.

However, my worries couldn’t be any more unfounded. Once I had talked to Saul, the rest of it went smoothly. Axl was quite a character, for instance, a guy you felt like looking at. Wherever he was (because he couldn’t stand still for a second), your eyes would be glued to him. He had an enviable magnetism no matter what he did: singing one of their songs, bringing order to the mixing desk, finishing off half a liter of Jack Daniel’s… He was the kind of person who seems out of reach from every one of us mortals but, deep down, is a cinnamon roll. Our first interactions (mostly his, let’s be honest) were filled with double intentions. In any case, now that I see it in retrospective and compare it with the way he treated other girls, I came to think that this was his way to know women in general, his default mode. Actually, those anecdotes of conversations I had with the vocalist were worth a fair dose of laughing for Mark and me during our more than usual supermarket-pizza, Ben-&-Jerry’s-ice-cream dinners in the flat we shared. Over time, Axl’s phase of blatant flirting with me faded away, making room for a really close friendship between the two of us.

Izzy, on the other hand, treated me almost as if I was an experiment. Do you know the feeling when you arrive to a new school but the year has already started and everybody is curious about you? Well, that was more or less how the guitarist reacted to my incorporation. He had never been too talkative, or, at least, not as much as the rest of them, so my first days with the brunet can be summed up to him joining conversations between me and someone else, to learn a bit more about me without having to ask directly; to my hand-waving gestures and his responses raising his chin or his eyebrows; or to him offering me drags of his cigarette from time to time, while we waited for the rest of the guys to record their tracks so we could all go partying together. It was interesting. It was entertaining. It was even funny to see us unfolding, adapting to each other until we gained full trust. We could argue that his more reserved, almost wary personality and my own, more explosive and versatile, complemented each other as two puzzle pieces; one had what the other lacked.

And, while Izzy complemented me, Steven understood me. We were two peas in a pod: energetic, chaotic and jam-packed with energy. Basically the kids in the team. Like two naughty twins, we loved to terrorize the studio. We threw stuff at each other, we laughed like crazy, we yelled from one corner of the room to the other the dumbest, most absurd shit you could imagine… One of the activities I enjoyed the most was to scare away the chicks from him. Some afternoons when he was chilling on the couch, unaware and concentrated on hitting on whatever girl he had just met, I arrived, seated next to him on the couch and went full on clingy-ass-girlfriend with him: handsy and unbearable. I interrupted the groupie and put up with Steven’s deadly glares until, after a while, the girl took off, sometimes walking towards one of the other guys, sometimes straight to her house. The drummer always got mad at me when I did this to him, but his anger never lasted for more than ten minutes.

And then there was Duff. He was something else, something different. I had never had such a connection with anyone, and even less with anyone I had met for so little time. Duff had his own light, like an extremely bright star, and I was flashed by it but, at the same time, he irradiated a delightful kind of warmth, too nice for me to voluntarily step away. He was fun, he was compassionate, he was sensible, he was a little bit mad and he made everything unspeakably easy. The rest of the band spent their days saying that we should have sex or betting on whether we were or weren’t conscious of the sexual tension they assured was too obvious between us. At first, we either told them to fuck off or went along with it, but without giving it much of a second thought. At the end of the day, I was dating Mark, who I adored, and Duff knew it. We were nothing but friends, like the rest of the guys.

Weeks went by and I kept getting closer and closer with the bassist: we talked about everything and anything, we told each other countless anecdotes from our lives before arriving to L.A., and he even sometimes helped me with the paperwork. More than once, even though smoking was allowed in the studio, the two of us stepped outside to do it, and a break that was meant to last for 10 minutes ended up being one hour long. When this happened, Slash had to come out for him, wielding his guitar and threatening to smash it on his head if he wasn’t back inside in the following fifteen seconds. In fact, some of those days when it took me longer to finish my job he would stick around and offer me a ride home before he headed to the club, so that Mark didn’t have to come pick me up that far that late.

Of course, it was all being too good to be true. The first day this happened, when I arrived home in “some other dude’s car, instead of a fucking taxi”, Mark’s own words, I found a version of my boyfriend that I didn’t like one tiny bit: wary, silent and mean. When I asked what his problem was I already saw the answer coming, but I just refused to believe he was going to get all possessive over such a nonsense, he had never behave like that. That night we went from yelling at each other to the silent treatment in a matter of a few hours, and the next day, when I got to the studio in my own car for the first time since the guys knew me, that place looked like goddamn press conference. They took less than two minutes to notice I was a little bit off, and less than five to tell me “Dump him, fuck Duff”. I couldn’t help but laugh. I hadn’t broken up with Mark, we had just argued; I would speak to him and we would fix things; that’s what couples did. Bitch, you thought.

For the next few days everything seemed to have turned back to normal: my boyfriend and I were okay, he said he was sorry and begged me to let him apologize by being my chauffeur again. I didn’t quite feel like rocking the boat after that night, so the idea of not driving myself to work didn’t seem that bad, until the days Mark started arriving a little earlier each day. Five minutes, fifteen, half an hour before my cutoff time, as if he had to make sure I went back home with him, as if he had to keep an eye on me. In fact, one of the days in which he arrived with a bigger margin of time, he decided it was a good idea to wait inside the studio while the band was recording, and argued that “it would be a lot more boring to wait in the car”. Over the last days, the guys had noticed how pissed it made me the fact that he was chasing after me, behaving like an asshole and little more than tying a leash around my neck, so Axl stepped up and asked him to leave, since the guy wouldn’t listen to me. I have to admit I was surprised with how calmly the vocalist took the intrusion, taking into account his normally short temper. He told Mark that “it wasn’t his problem if he wanted to be his girlfriend’s chauffeur, but he couldn’t simply burst into a private property as if it was his house, and even less when they were working.” To be honest, that was one hell of a comeback, because if the singer had exposed the real reasons why he wanted him out, the other one would have clutched at straws to the philosophy “She is my girlfriend, you don’t get a saying on this.” But on his argument and on his turf, Axl had the upper hand.

Despite all the efforts, Mark told him to mind his own business and that, if the redhead kicked him out of the studio, he would be behaving like a total dick. Then, as if the destiny was trying its best to fix things, sarcasm be sensed, Duff showed up in the anteroom where we were. As soon as my boyfriend saw him, his eyes started blazing, and it only took the bassist telling him he had to leave and that I was still in my working hours so I wouldn’t go with him, for his fist to connect with Duff’s jaw in a nasty jab. And hell was fucking raised.

Axl pushed Mark, who was holding my arm with the same hand he had punched the blond with two seconds ago. Not letting go of me, he tackled the vocalist, mumbling something I can’t remember. Then he walked towards the front door, grabbing me with him. “Let’s go. Now”, he ordered. His fingers dug into my skin with such anger and despair that I could already feel the bruise forming underneath, and I was half shocked, half scared shitless. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to get in the car with him and I didn’t want any more punches either, but in any case my limbs were not responding to the commands my brain tried to make, whichever they were. It was then that, halfway across the room, before reaching the door, Mark stumbled and fell, finally releasing my arm. The first thing I saw when I lifted my eyes was Duff standing there, with his mouth covered in blood, shaking his right hand once and breathing heavily.

- If you ever touch her again like that, I’ll kill you.

While Mark was trying to get up, Slash stormed in from the recording room. He had seen the events of the last two minutes from his position behind the glass, and he wasn’t going to take any more of that shit. Right before the other one went ballistic attacking the bassist and blood started to hit the fan, Saul grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and kicked him, literally, out of the place. Once the metal door had closed between Mark and us, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I vaguely remember I started hyperventilating, on my knees, on the floor, and the sound of punches hitting metal on the outside was all but helping me calm down. As tears streamed down my face and I frantically run my fingers through my hair, a hand started trailing my back. It was a soft touch, slow, really slow. Making its way upwards and then going back down, over again. The noise level had considerably decreased, and now all I could listen to were whispers, the sweetest whispers coming from the mouth of one single person. “Shhhh, easy. You’re having a panic attack. It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m here. Breathe.” Little by little my quick and superficial breathing became steadier, and after a few minutes I was able to stand up to sit on the couch. The beating on the door had stopped, and I realized all the guys were surrounding me, worried look on their faces, as Duff, seating beside me, still had his hand in my back.

_________________

It had been two weeks since that day. After the incident, I sure as hell wasn’t going to be under the same roof as Mark, and even less with the fight still recent. Who knows what he would do to me as soon as I crossed the threshold… The guys profusely insisted that I could stay with any of them, but they let me use their phone to call my best friend when I told them I would be in very good hands with her. Laura received me with a warm hug the moment she saw me, and that night, at her home, we cried, we ranted and we ate ice-cream until we couldn’t take any more. I have to admit that, given the circumstances, she managed pretty well to get me into bed feeling kinda happy. But of course, nothing lasts forever. I was about to graduate, with no home (the foster-bed in Laura’s house didn’t count), no boyfriend and no plans of work, projects or future in general; ahead of me there was a massive precipice with seemingly no ending. Besides, the production process for Appetite was coming to an end, and so did my internship and the months of togetherness with the band. Now was the time for press conferences, concerts and, if it all went well, the tour. To be honest I was super happy for them. I had seen the birth of that album, and I was blindly certain that with such a masterpiece they were bound to success. It was inevitable. But in any case, that meant the end of what had given me the most joys in the last four months and, if apart from all the financial and emotional stability I had gained during my college years, someone took that away from me… what did I have left?

__________________

After that much time hitting the drums, I had ultimately interiorized the beat so much now I was just reproducing it on loop, with my eyes closed and breathing heavily. I was so self-absorbed that I didn’t realize the door had opened and someone had stepped into the studio. Suddenly I felt how, behind my back, two hands softly landed on my shoulders. I didn’t stop playing. My arms moved now with less vigor to the beat I had marked from the beginning, while those fingers gently traced small circles in the back of my neck, comforting me.

Duff.

It had to be him, I was certain.

Little by little I reduced the speed of my movements, gradually, until I completely stopped playing. When I left the drumsticks on the snares and turned around in the stool I saw him. He was standing there, right in front of me, asking with his eyes, a calm and expressive look on his face. An almost imperceptible sigh escaped my lips. He was worried about me.

- Good thing it was you who entered, and not Steven – I said, half jokingly, as I stood up, hoping to relax the tension built up between us.

- Yeah – he laughed softly. – Had it been him he would have ripped the drumsticks off your hands and hit you with them.

I laughed too, quietly, bitterly. This was too much for me. The words we never said were floating around, like a thousand needles falling into a tailspin above us; eventually, they would have to land. The worst part was that I didn’t know if I craved that moment or, on the contrary, dreaded it.

It looked like he had read my mind when he slowly, almost asking for permission, held my hands. I startled a bit with the contact, but I let him go on. Duff looked at them for a second before he noticed the tiny wounds I had unconsciously inflicted on myself digging my fingernails too hard a while before, at the drums. Without saying a word, he started caressing them very softly, as if he wanted to calm, more than my physical pain, the sentimental one. He was breathing deeply and slightly frowning. He was concentrated in trying to make that feeling disappear, the confusion, the guilt, the fear… the stream of emotions that had been threatening to break me for some time now. He looked me in the eyes. In that very moment, the temperature inside the room raised a few degrees. We were really close. So close I could feel his breath on me, listen to his heartbeat accelerating with every second that went by, see how his lips lightly parted, practically not at all, only a hint of the thought that filled our minds in that place, in that moment. Then, almost involuntarily, as an instinctive reflex, I stretched my neck upwards. That was the only sign he needed to make the already scarce distance between our lips disappear, and kiss me.

The contact was slow, sweet and full of longing. Our lips moved rhythmically, perfectly fitting on each other’s. Duff was still holding my hands, and I could feel my breath accelerating progressively. I released one of my hands and placed it on his neck, stroking the hair on his nape and helping myself keep balance in my tippiest toes. He saw my struggles and moved his free hand to my waist, firmly holding me so that I wouldn’t fall. All of a sudden, I felt the urge to be closer to him, even more. Everything that I hadn’t been able to do and that had bottled up inside of me was now too overwhelming, and I didn’t want to fight it anymore. Our kiss intensified, we hungrily enjoyed each other, panting. The next thing I knew was that Duff had placed his hands on the back of my thighs and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and leaned my arms on his shoulders, so I could keep kissing him while he crossed the room and sat on the leather couch, with me straddling his lap. He ran his fingers up and down my thighs, slightly lifting the hem of my dress, as if he was testing some boundaries that I hadn’t set and, at this point, I didn’t plan to.

I was euphoric, nervous and loaded with desire. In a burst of braveness or lust, I’m not entirely sure, I started to buck my hips, back and forth, following a slow path at first, which progressively accelerated. The friction of my underwear in direct contact with his leather pants was about to drive me mad, and I couldn’t stop. His hands, which a moment ago were on my hips, guiding them, started moving over my lower stomach, tracing the edge of my panties in painfully slow motions. His breath was also heavier, somehow ragged, and I felt him hardening beneath me. His lips were stuck to the base of my neck, lightly sucking as I, with my eyes closed and lips parted into a silent “O”, gently pulled his blond hair. My core grew more sensitive by the minute, and when I thought I wouldn’t be able to hold the moan trapped in my throat anymore, his fingers touched my most sensitive spot, turning my steadily rocking hips not that steady for a moment.

In a matter of seconds, and with his hand working wonders between my legs, I got rid of the dress, which only bothered, and the perspective of my almost absolute nudity on top of his entirely dressed body made me shake with arousal. His free hand took care of my breasts, now exposed, as I dug my nails into his shoulders, underneath the sleeveless shirt he was wearing.

-  Take it off – I managed to blurb between gasps.

-  What? – Duff seemed confused, too concentrated on something else for having been able to follow the road of my own thoughts.

-  Your shirt, take it off. I want to touch you.

A shit-eating grin lit up his face right before he separated in a quick motion from that piece of clothing and threw it somewhere else. Immediately after, in a total change of the atmosphere, he laid back on the couch and, placing his hands behind his head, said:

-  Then touch me.

I didn’t hesitate for a single second. My hands flew to his shoulders, his arms, his shoulders again and went down his chest as I peppered kisses all over his lips, jaw, neck, collarbones… I took my sweet time while swinging my hips against the fabric that separated my pussy from his erection, and my nails traced a descending path down his torso, really slowly. I could notice how he was growing desperate; I felt his breath, now turned into a subtle growl, against my hair; I realized how shortly he had managed to keep his hands off me, since now he was caressing my flanks, my back and my chest. When I reached the cord of his pants with my fingers, I slowly undid the knot that tied them together and slipped my hand underneath, without stopping my hip motions. The very moment I found the base of his length, a soft grunt escaped his lips. He was driving me insane.

After a while arousing each other, we couldn’t stand the teasing any longer and Duff took the first step to getting rid of the clothes that were still around. I stood up and took off my sandals so that he could slide my panties down my legs, grazing my skin along the way. He also let go of both his pants and sneakers, tossing them on the carpet. Our moves were clumsy thanks to eagerness and anticipation. I once again sat on top of him, in our initial position, only now there were no clothes in the middle of the road. I could feel him against me. Touch. Friction. Desire. His expert fingers moved now freely over my core, as he left little love bites under my left ear. I kept on rubbing his cock, fully hard and a bit wet, while, with my other hand, I held on to his hair for dear life. We were close, really close. It felt as if every centimeter of my skin was on direct contact with Duff. He was everywhere, every corner, every goosebump, every scar… With all this overstimulation, my moans filled the room, and I didn’t have enough sanity to realize anyone could come in. I was a mess.All of a sudden, right when I was seconds away from cumming, his hands disappeared from my core. Even though I couldn’t see myself, I was sure in my eyes one would be able to read the anticipation and confusion.

-  Wait – he said in a desperate whisper -. I want to feel you, I want to be inside of you.

If he hadn’t stopped touching me a moment before, I am sure that sentence would have sent me to the wildest of orgasms, but it wasn’t the time for my sweet release. Not yet. He put his hand right next to mine, on his cock, and, with an almost unbearable slowness, he brought the tip of it to my entrance. A trembling sigh fell from my lips and we looked into each other’s eyes. Then, I gently let my hips descend on his lap, and he completely slid inside of me, letting escape an unearthly growl that gave me chills. He had dropped his head back, leaving his neck and collarbones exposed to me, but I had my eyes closed as I tried to control the delightful contractions that were about to take over me. I felt him inside of me, extremely deep. As if we were two pieces of the same puzzle, as if we had been manufactured specifically to be together. Now THAT was overstimulation. Once my body had adjusted to him, I started motioning my hips up and down, holding on to his shoulders so that I didn’t lose the limited balance I had left. He once again was looking at me, with his hands on my waist as I kept the path. Close, very close. His arms slid around me and I kissed his lips eagerly. Our moans died in one another’s mouth while the movements became faster, erratic, frenetic. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep my sanity, I was almost raving with pleasure, and the moment our lips broke away to take air and we looked at each other, nose to nose, without stopping for a moment, I couldn’t hold it any longer. I came with a flashing intensity, pronouncing his name countless times, asking God knows who for this moment to last forever. I couldn’t stop screaming, and when Duff begged my name and I felt his liquid warmth filling every bit of me, I saw white.

_______________

His hand stroked tenderly my naked back while my breath came back to normal against his neck. The same as that day, but at the same time entirely different. I was still on top of him, he was still inside of me. I hadn’t yet gathered the strength to pull him apart from me, but he didn’t seem willing to get separated either, so we stood like that for a while, I don’t even know how much, but I don’t care. This felt utterly intimate, intense, extremely ours and totally apart from the rest of people, from the rest of things. It was a parallel universe inside of a crystal ball. It was the embodiment of all that was right. What we had been, without knowing or admitting it, even to ourselves, waiting for all this time.

[reasonablespeculation]

submission re: EB & more anon reviews below

I thought maybe I can give my review of endings, beginnings that nobody asked for because well I'm seeing so many biased reviews on twitter of ppl who already decided they hated it before watching it.

Starting off, I would like to say that I expected it to be much more worse than it actually is based on all the exaggerated reactions to the clips and some of the shitty reviews.

Style - I have personally always liked drake's style. Dialogue playing over their body language enforces the idea that what they say is something and what they want to do is something else specially in the bar scene between Frank and daphne. I loved the colour palette used, although it's a bit too dark at times and I ended up watching my own reflection at the screen lmfao. I don't mind jump cuts but the jump cuts at the very beginning were too much.

Dialogue - I'm not a fan of completely improvised dialogues. I prefer a script to be pinned down and the actors are given the freedom to add or take from it. The dialogue is lacking for a movie! But if we compare it to real life it's very realistic and I assume this is what drake was aiming at yet this made the film lose its cinema charm.

Actors - I feel like everyone did absolutely great with what they were given. The process shailene described seems like hell for an actor, going into the scene and saying whatever and expecting the other to say whatever and you have to respond on the spot. Frank and Jack's characters were one dimensional because I assumed they are seen through daphne's eyes and she is not interested in them beyond what they can give her (one gives her security while the other gives her passion). Daphne's character is annoying yet you can clearly tell that was the purpose. She's messy, she makes dumb decisions, she craves to be wanted yet claims she wants to stay away from men, her self righteousness when she saw Frank doing coke shows utter contradictions with her own messiness. I felt like there are a lot of ppl who can resonate with her...she's not your typical heroin. Regarding frank, I felt like he was initially even more one dimensional than what was seen on the screen, but sebastian gave him more character. The last dialogue in the diner felt very real and it made me sad. His chemistry with daphne is one of the things I found to be very real too, when he stared at her during that game It felt so intimate that I wanted to look away and give them some privacy (a choice bart didn't have)

Sex scenes - fans have really exaggerated the sex scenes in the movie because in all honesty for a romantic drama 4 sex scenes is not much and they are not long either or too raunchy. You can tell frank and daphne are very attracted to each other which made the intimacy in the scenes super real and had the viewer squirm in their seat feeling weird for watching it. I'm used to sex scenes being very theatrical in American cinema and that often makes them lose the intimacy required for the scene to be considered "hot" much like fifty shades with it's cold approach to sex and nudity.

Ending - I liked how none of the men tried to chase her to the ends of the world, its realistic and if this was real life all of us would be saying they can do better. Drake didn't exaggerate the love stories and he kind of deployed these relationships as self exploration rather than love. What I hated is how she magically went through character development as she got pregnant (this is such a Male perspective that it made me annoyed) I get how he's trying to promote self love but it just didn't resonate with me because it was associated with pregnancy (yet another person to love and be loved by) her journey towards self love should have started solo and I found it incredibly unrealistic for her to not want to know who the father is and even more unrealistic that none of them demanded to know. No one can live their lives knowing their kid must be out there, even if they don't want kids. And it was so ooc of Jack to say "oh that's great" when she told him she's pregnant and he thought it's his because he clearly stated so many times he doesn't want kids.

Overall I liked the movie, its chill, its decent, and it's not cringey it just has a narrow view of what its trying to prove. It's not a movie you can't take your eyes off of when watching but it's one you are interested to know what happens at the end. Many seb fans expect too much after itonya that they are now criticising sebastian's filmography as if opportunities like itonya happen every day and are just waiting for him to hop on. It's much more complicated than that. Endingsbeginnings is a decent movie, we're just looking too much into it because seb is in it.

RS: I agree with you, great review.

anon1: I j watched eb and I still have no idea what happened to frank where did he go - ghosted, bb. went and had more wild adventures and totally ignored Daphne trying to get in touch.

anon2: I remember fans saying there's a sex scene that lasts 20 min in the movie and clearly there was not, which is one example of people exaggerating the hell out of everything about this movie including how bad it is. Shailene mentioned that they shot a 20 minutes long TAKE of the floor sex scene and drake ended up choosing the bits he wanted - yeah I’ve seen a few reviews from other people on tumblr and the reviews Drake is posting in his stories and nobody has any goddamn chill. it’s either the most heartbreaking movie they’ve ever seen (??????) and dug deep into their psyche and replaced the need for a therapist for the next ten years OR it literally came into their home and called their mom a wh*re and stole their cat and peed on their favourite pair of jeans. LIKE?

anon3: So, I still can’t figure out why Seb, Sha, and Jamie were like, kissing the ground Drake walks on because of how great a director he is. While I didn’t thing E,B was awful, nothing about the style or direction of this film makes me want to see any other of his work? I didn’t think it was that profound and found that his writing (especially Daphne’s character) wasn’t that great 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe I’m just uncultured lmao - I feel like Drake had a big hit with Like Crazy and has been riding that reputation into the sunset

anon4: Watched the movie. Frank is a pathetic guy with no morals and a very low self-esteem. Shailene acting is painful to watch. The plot is prosaic and inane, the characters are unconvincing and the dialogues are dull.

anon5: I agree that the film didnt have a lot to say. Also i didnt hate Daphne like i thought i would and definitely related to her struggles & sadness. But really, apart from Seb the movie didnt make me feel anything much like you. Which is okay i guess if you're into that sorta thing. Also, did anybody else get the feeling she only really wanted Frank but was with Jack cos she didnt wanna be alone? - yeah for sure

anon6: I am somewhat confused about the film's premise. Was Daphne always so messy and the assault was just a catalyst for her or is she simply dealing with the trauma of being assaulted? The film does suggest the former with the mommy&Daphne cuts, but i am not entirely sold on that. And i fail to see how being *thatbigtwist* helps with her self-loathing? Whats happening there? - I agree with you that it seems like the former... but maybe with the assault kinda kicking off the latest round of messiness and exacerbating certain negative habits in she was dealing with people? Andddd idk... magical healing pregnancy trope?

[eternalravendreamer]

Fire Emblem Three Houses: School Clubs

(sorry this is so long)

Black Eagles

Edelgard: Debate Team Captain, but she has to remember to keep up her cover; some of those debates hit home and she gets a little too passionate. She’s also a Volunteer Animal Caretaker, showing her soft side for cats.

Hubert: Considers joining Edelgard on the Debate Team, but he doesn't want to seem suspicious so he joins the Paranormal Investigation Club and ends up being unanimously voted Vice President. To everyone’s shock, he’s also a Volunteer Animal Caretaker, having a love for the pegasus.

Caspar: No doubt, he joins the recreational Brawling Team. He and Raphael hit it off and become great pals and rivals, often eating together with...concerning voraciousness. 

Lindhart: Philosophy Society, but he tends to just rant and immediately pass out whenever it's someone else's turn to speak. He considers joining the Mindfulness and Meditation group but gets sleepy just thinking of it...and is actually pretty terrible at yoga.

Dorothea: Of COURSE she's in the Theater Department! It's canon! She tries to take a junior director role so other students can have a chance at big roles. She also assists the Choir and Dancer Society

Petra: She's one of the few non-Golden Deer students on the recreational Archery Team. She's excited when the other students ask for her to demonstrate Brigid archery techniques. And when Claude establishes the International Culture Society, she joins to give first hand information.

Bernadetta: She wants to stay in her room clubless, but when she hears about the Crafts Club, she gets a little excited and decides to check it out. Mercedes' comforting aura is perfect for making Bernie comfortable enough to participate, and she even convinces Bernie to check out the Gardening Club despite her fear of Dedue, and even joins the Writing & Literature Club...anonymously, by submitting her work when nobody is around to see her. She wanted to be a Volunteer Animal Caretaker, but was too intimidated by the sheer number of other members.

Ferdinand: Debate Team Vice-Captain...and mad about it. Starts so many "example debates" with Edelgard for the other members that it tends to get out of hand. Also joins the Dancer Society, much to Dorothea’s displeasure.

Blue Lions

Dimitri: At first he considers some of the more intense clubs, like Debate or the Young Knight’s Union, but after encouraging Dedue to be in the club he really wanted, Dimitri joins the academy's Mindfulness and Meditation group. He's kind of nervous at first, but Claude helps him relax. It does wonders for his mental health.

Dedue: With Dimitri's encouragement, he becomes President of the Gardening and Cooking clubs. Just being a regular member of more than one club is usually a handful, but these are both super chill, so his job is easy.

Annette: Another multi-club student, she participates in Choir as well as the Young Mages Society. She also stops in to check on Mercedes in the Cooking Club, but was...discouraged from joining by the dining hall staff.

Mercedes: She’s balancing quite a few clubs! She’s the founding member and President of the Paranormal Investigation Club and Crafts Club, as well as the baking expert of the Cooking Club and a member of the Young Mages Society. And on top of all that, she’s a Volunteer Animal Caretaker.

Sylvain: He jokingly suggests a Singles Club and is immediately turned down by Seteth. So instead he ends up joining the Writing & Literature Club, much to the surprise of everyone. Ends up being Bernadetta’s biggest fan.

Ingrid: Of course she joins the Young Knight’s Union! She loves being surrounded by others who value chivalry and honor codes as much as she does. On that note she also joins the Writing & Literature Club, gushing about her favorite knight tales. 

Felix: At first he declares he wants nothing to do with recreational activities, claiming it distracts from training. But then the academy’s recreational Fencing/Dueling (swords) Team tells him that if he joins, he can participate in competitions with other academies from across Fodlan. He becomes their star member in no time.

Ashe: Absolutely the President of the Writing & Literature Club, as well as Vice President of the Cooking Club. He wanted to make an Animal Appreciation Club to help care for all the cats, dogs, horses, and owls on campus, but the number of applicants to join got so out of hand that Rhea decided that it was just gonna be a proper volunteering position instead, called Volunteer Animal Caretakers.

Golden Deer

Claude: As ever, Claude is a busybody, a jack of all trades. He tends to be a regular “drop in” at certain clubs like the Mindfulness and Meditation group and even the Paranormal Investigation Team, but not a proper member, However, he’s a true member of the Writing & Literature Club, Debate Team. Archery Team, Philosophy Society, and even the creator of the International Culture Society. Nobody knows how he manages to balance it all, plus everything else.

Hilda: “Joining a club sounds like too much work”, she said, until she hears about the Crafts Club and immediately joins. It’s refreshing to have some other appreciators of handmade accessories to hang out with! Claude convinces her to join the Mindfulness and Meditation group too, since it’s the perfect place to chill out.

Lorenz: He wanted to make a Young Nobles Society, but was told no clubs were allows to purposely not allow commoner students. So instead be joins the Debate Team, Young Mages Society (even though his magic is pretty average compared to the rest of the group), and the Dancers Society (to Dorothea’s even greater displeasure). He also submits his poetry to the Writing & Literature Club...anonymously, just like Bernie.

Marianne: She would consider being clubless, but the moment she hears about the Volunteer Animal Caretakers she signs up right away. It would be her only club, but it would open her up a little more.

Ignatz: He would definitely join the Crafts Club, which is technically for any soft of craft or art, painting included. It would give him a space where his passion was accepted, which he desperately needed. He’d consider joining the Young Knight’s Union to save face with his family, but feels bad at the thought of not putting genuine effort into it.

Raphael: As mentioned before, he’s on the recreational Brawling Team! He and Caspar are both the stars of the team, but Raph is the one everyone can come to for a bear hug.

Leonie: Definitely part of the Archery Team. She’d be pretty competitive even with her teammates, which Shamir scolds her for straight away. Since she tends to have a narrow focus on only one or two goals, I doubt she’d join anything else.

Lysithea: She joins the Young Mages Society right away, and impresses everyone...as well as becomes the unofficial “mascot” of the group, which she hates but accepts after being bribed with sweets. Stays far away from the Paranormal Investigation Team.

Church of Seiros & Faculty:

Flayn: Once she’s officially a student of the Academy, she’s enthusiastic to join a club. She definitely signs up to be a Volunteer Animal Caretaker, and joins the Writing & Literature Club (which makes Seteth very happy). She considers joining the Dancer Society but takes one peek in on their practice, sees Ferdinand and Lorenz in the dancer outfits, and leaves.

Seteth: He’s the faculty adviser of the Writing & Literature Club, since he himself enjoys writing children’s stories. He also acts as the moderator for the Debate Team, and is part of the Faculty Fishing Group.

Byleth: Along with being a member of the Faculty Fishing Group, they would be the faculty adviser for the Volunteer Animal Caretakers, as well as the Mindfulness and Meditation group. Someone’s gotta give these kids therapy, might as well be the half-feral, weirdo mercenary

Jeralt: All Knights of Seiros are required to help out with the Young Knight’s Union, but since he’s more merc than knight anymore, he spends more time with the Faculty Fishing Group. Though he does pop in on the Paranormal Investigation Team from time to time. His kid’s basically a cryptid after all.

Rhea: While being the Archbishop would take up 99% of her time, Rhea is resolute on wanting to contribute to at least one of the Academy’s student clubs. And she chooses to be the faculty adviser for the Gardening Club. Staff and students alike are shocked, since Dedue is the leader of the group, but Rhea likes flowers and wants to encourage the small collection of students who have chosen to work in the Greenhouse.

Manuela: Of course she’s the director of the Theater and Choir! She’s also the instructor for the Dancer Society. Her former experience in the Opera make these three clubs near and dear to her heart, so she and Dorothea put their all into them.

Hanneman: The faculty adviser of the Young Mages Society and Paranormal Investigation Team, as well as the Philosophy Society. He wants to challenge the students to think critically.

Catherine: As a Knight of Seiros, she helps out with the Young Knight’s Union, and is popular with the students there. After Jeritza...leaves, she takes over for him as the coach for the Fencing/Dueling Team as well.

Jeritza: Coach for the Fencing/Dueling Team, he’s a great teacher but awkward when the students try to talk to him outside of practice.

Shamir: Coach for the Archery Team, and while she’s technically a mercenary she still has to help a little with the Young Knight’s Union. She also decided to be the faculty adviser for the International Culture Society, occasionally telling the students about life in Dagda.

Alois: He LOVES helping the Young Knight’s Union, since he used to be a member himself. He also coaches the Brawling Team and is an avid member of the Faculty Fishing Group...even if he never catches anything.

Cyril: He’s not a student, so he can’t technically be part of any clubs, but Rhea often has him come with her to the Gardening Club, and Shamir has him practice with the Archery Team...and try to reconnect with his Almyran heritage in the International Culture Society.

Gilbert: While he tries to keep a low profile (Seteth pls force this man to pay his overdue child support), he does help the Young Knight’s Union, and is a regular at the Faculty Fishing Group. He also acts as the faculty adviser for the Cooking and Crafts Clubs, since he enjoys cooking and woodcarving himself. Although there are some repeated issues of him not being too keen on working with Dedue.

[ladylynse]

Another Phic Phight Phic! This time using one of @bouhoue‘s prompts: Maddie decides to plant some new flowers in the garden... (blood blossoms). [FF | AO3]

Danny reached for the refrigerator door, paused to sneeze, and Jazz looked up from her spot at the table. “Are you getting sick?” she asked suspiciously. She had some big test coming up—the piles of papers and mounds of books in front of her attested to that much—and, in all her studying, she’d actually stopped hovering over him.

Until now, apparently.

It had been nice while it’d lasted.

Danny wiped his nose on his arm. “I’m fine.”

Jazz’s eyes narrowed. “You were sneezing at breakfast, too. And at supper last night.”

“So maybe I’m allergic to the latest mutation in our food,” Danny said dryly, “and I’ll be fine once Mom and Dad throw out their latest accidental science experiments.”

That was obviously the wrong thing to say, as Jazz slid a paper into the book she’d been reading and closed it before getting up to look at him more closely. “You’ve never been allergic to anything before. What if this is…you know?”

Danny rolled his eyes. “No one I’ve fought is sick. They want to fight me when I’m sick, not when they’re sick.”

Jazz pursed her lips and, miracle of miracles, let the subject drop.

Danny thought that would be the end of it.

He was wrong.

XXXXXX

Two weeks later, Danny was still sniffling and had a rash he couldn’t hide. It…hurt, a bit. Not bad, especially not compared to the injuries he’d gotten avoiding and subsequently trapping Skulker at school a couple days before, but it was like a bad sunburn.

Jazz didn’t seem especially convinced it was a sunburn, despite that being Danny’s proffered explanation. She said he’d been getting worse over the course of the week, that she’d wondered about it a few days ago. She thought it was getting worse.

Danny might have protested if Sam hadn’t said the same thing at school today when she’d caught him grimacing after grabbing his backpack from his locker.

“Are you coming down with something, sweetie?” Maddie asked, catching him before he had a chance to leave the table at supper that night. “You don’t look very good.”

“I’m fine,” he said automatically.

“Are you sure? I’ve a better eye for ecto-diseases, but I can take a look at it. You might need to go to the doctor.”

“I’m fine!” Danny insisted, edging away. If this was some kind of ecto-disease, he didn’t want her to realize it. She wouldn’t put two and two together just with that—Sam and Tuck had caught ecto-acne from Vlad, after all—but he didn’t want the house under quarantine. Again.

She didn’t look convinced.

He was lucky Jazz had gone up to her room and Jack had gone down to the lab so there was no one left to agree with her. He was stuck on dish duty tonight, courtesy of yesterday’s detention for falling asleep in class, so he hadn’t had a chance to escape. Too bad his mom had stayed long enough to open the kitchen window to let in some fresh air. Unless she’d planned this ambush from the beginning, which he wouldn’t put past her.

His parents could be really oblivious, right up until they weren’t, at a very inconvenient time for him.

“It’s just a sunburn,” he said, ducking around her to drop his plate in the sink. He felt a tickle in his throat and started to cough, but it didn’t go away, then it started to burn, and—

Maddie grabbed his arm and dragged him to the bathroom. He didn’t know when she’d filled a glass of water, but she put one into his hands and helped him drink. It burned, all the way down, and his watering eyes weren’t doing anything to take away the sting in them, either, no matter how much he blinked, and—

“Keep drinking, sweetie,” Maddie murmured, but now it felt like he’d swallowed one of Skulker’s rotating blades and it was trying to cut his stomach to pieces.

He groaned, and while Maddie was digging for something in the cupboard, he lunged for the toilet and retched.

“You’re not fine,” Maddie said quietly when he’d finished. She handed him another glass of tap water. “Swish your mouth out; you’ll feel better.”

He did as he was told, and she was right, marginally.

“You’re staying home from school tomorrow,” she continued, “and then we’ll see how you’re feeling. It might just be a twenty-four-hour bug.”

Danny didn’t argue. He doubted she’d drag him to the doctor, anyway. By this time tomorrow, she’d either think this was an ecto-disease, something viral but not dangerous enough that he needed to be hooked up to some kind of fluid, or some kind of minor bacterial thing that they’d address if it got worse instead of better.

Because, okay, fine, it wasn’t just a sunburn, but he was feeling better already. And maybe it was just a cold. And if he got a legitimate sick day—not that his teachers would know the difference; Danny had lost track of the number of notes Sam had forged for him and the number of times he’d had to overshadow his dad to smooth things over with the school—he might actually be able to catch up on some sleep.

Ha.

Wishful thinking.

With his luck, the Box Ghost would show up. And then Skulker. And then Cujo.

Maddie handed him a tube of cream. “Put this on once you’re ready for bed. It should help with your rash.”

Danny squinted at it. “Anti-itch stuff?”

“You’re scratching,” she said, even though he couldn’t remember doing that. “We can try vitamin E and aloe vera in the morning and see if anything helps. For now, go to bed early and try to get some sleep. You look exhausted.”

He felt exhausted.

And the tickle in his throat was back. Not that it had ever really gone away, but it was more noticeable again. He tried to ignore it, opting to nod his head and squeak out something about brushing his teeth without taking a breath. He managed to wait until Maddie had left the bathroom before closing the door and giving in, but he coughed until his chest ached, and he knew there was no way she’d missed hearing that.

But as Danny looked down on the red-splattered white of the sink, he was glad she wasn’t here to see it, too.

XXXXXX

When Danny woke, it wasn’t from the sudden chill that was his ghost sense. Instead, his entire body burned. His pajamas felt like they were made of sandpaper, and every tiny movement had it scraping across his skin. His mouth was dry, it was hard to breathe, and the longer he lay there, the more he felt his pounding pulse in his head, and—

He flickered intangible, intending just to let the sheet drop through him but floating so he didn’t drop through the bed, but the pain spiked in an instant. He lost control and was screaming as he hit his floor. That was going to bring everyone running, and he knew he couldn’t let them find him under his bed, but he couldn’t help but whimper as he crawled out from beneath it. This was…. He didn’t know what this was. Was it possible for your entire body to ache?

When he’d pulled himself free, Danny sat up and leaned with his head against the side of the bed. His chest was heaving, his head was spinning, and he had never been more thankful that the ghosts had decided to leave him alone for once. He wasn’t in any condition to fight anyone.

It wasn’t just a cold. Or a sunburn. Or anything normal like that.

Everything hurt.

Jazz was the first person to reach his room, dropping to her knees and putting a hand on his shoulder. He flinched away, and she didn’t reach for him again. “Danny? Are you okay?”

He tried to shake his head, choked out a sob, and whispered, “No.”

“Is…is this a ghost thing?”

She’d dropped her voice, but he had no trouble hearing her. “Maybe,” he breathed. He genuinely didn’t know the answer. “Just…call Vlad. He might know.”

He must have looked as terrible as he felt, because Jazz didn’t ague this point. “Okay, little brother,” she said, getting to her feet as Jack and Maddie burst into the room with their weapons.

“The Fenton Finder isn’t picking up anything but Danny,” Jack muttered as Jazz slipped past them and flipped on his bedroom light for good measure. “I’ll keep watch while you check on him.”

Danny heard one of the weapons powering down, and then Maddie had taken Jazz’s spot in front of him. Her hand was on his forehead. “You’re burning up, sweetie,” she said. “Jack, run and get him some water. I’ll take care of any pesky ghosts that show up while you’re gone.”

“On it, baby!”

“I don’t know what this is, Mom,” Danny whispered. He must really be coming down with something, even though he couldn’t remember being around anyone—humans or ghosts—who were sick. Even though he’d joked about it with Jazz, he didn’t think he’d eaten anything that had done this.

If Jazz was right about the sniffling and the rash being connected, this had been going on for weeks. Even if he had eaten something, it shouldn’t still be affecting him. Not unless he’d contracted some kind of bacterial or viral thing, and a hospital was really the last thing he needed. He didn’t know how his biology had changed, exactly, since he hadn’t actually needed to go to a doctor since the accident—probably thanks to his healing abilities—but he was pretty sure it had.

Vlad had never mentioned anything, even though Danny knew he’d been hospitalized after his accident with the whole ecto-acne thing, but then again, Danny had never asked.

Jack returned with water and damp cloths, and Maddie began to fuss over him. Danny didn’t fight her. He didn’t have the energy to. Besides, the coolness felt nice, even if the rough cloth grated on his skin.

She untangled his sheets before helping him back into bed. “Try to rest,” she advised, as if he hadn’t just woken up. Then again, he didn’t know what time it was, except that it was still dark. It was spring, and the days were definitely longer than they had been. Maybe it really was the middle of the night. “It’s best you conserve your energy,” continued Maddie. “I’ll make that doctor’s appointment for you in the morning.”

“No,” he croaked. “Not yet. It’s not that bad.”

He didn’t need to turn his head and look at her to know that she was frowning. “You were screaming, sweetie.”

“I had a bad dream.” It was an easy lie. “A ghost attacked me.”

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen, Danny-boy!” Jack promised immediately.

“Thanks, Dad,” he murmured, closing his eyes. He was still tired, and lying down made the world spin less. Maybe it wouldn’t be as hard to get back to sleep as he’d expected. And maybe Vlad’s solution, since he probably had one, would be an easy one. Maybe he was just needed some kind of ghost vitamin supplement or whatever, and all of this would go away. Maybe….

XXXXX

Vlad jerked when the shrill ring of the telephone cut through his dream, making it vanish before he could properly remember what it had been about. Maddie meowed in protest when he moved, deliberately stalking away from him and curling up on the other pillow. Vlad let a dull ghost ray light the room so he didn’t have to fumble for the godforsaken phone. Who could possibly be calling at this hour? He didn’t allow any mayoral business on his private line, and—

The incessant ringing finally cut off as he answered with a growled, “Yes?”

“Vlad, it’s Jazz. Something’s wrong with Danny.”

Vlad blinked and sat up straighter in bed, far more awake than he had been a moment ago. “Wrong?” he repeated. “What do you mean by wrong?” Except he already knew the answer. She was calling him. Daniel had let her call him. This wasn’t just a ghost thing; they thought it was a halfa thing.

“He’s…sick.” She didn’t sound very sure of herself. “Fever, cough, rash…. I don’t know. It’s like he was fighting a cold for weeks, and then the rash started to appear, and tonight…. It just got worse. Fast.”

Vlad frowned. Ecto-acne hit hard and fast, but its symptoms were rather unmistakeable, and while he knew of a few ecto-diseases, he could hardly make an educated guess without looking at the little badger himself. “I’ll be over shortly,” he said. He’d have to drive; Jack and Maddie would wonder at his arrival otherwise. Well, Maddie would; her oaf of a husband was unlikely to think it odd if he turned up on their doorstep without an apparent means of transportation. “Let your parents know I’m coming.”

“Okay.” Her voice was small. More than just worried, she was genuinely scared. “Thanks.”

Vlad hung up the phone and absently reached over to pet Maddie. “It’s unlikely the disease is transmissible to humans,” he told her as she began purring. “The incubation period for most ecto-diseases is quite short, and I’m not aware of any exceptions that show those particular symptoms.”

Maddie meowed and turned her head so he could scratch beneath the other side of her chin.

“Yes. Quite right. I’ll take what precautions I can without arousing their suspicions. Whatever the cause, I’ll certainly not be immune.” He bent down to kiss her furry forehead and promised, “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

XXXXX

Jazz knew she was hovering, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to know how Danny was doing. Her parents hadn’t questioned her decision to call Vlad—they knew his fondness for Danny, if not the reasons behind it—and, if their murmured voices were any indication, they’d be glad of a second opinion.

They just didn’t know how knowledgeable that second opinion would be.

When Jazz spotted headlights through the upstairs window, she bolted down the stairs to the front door. She opened it to find Vlad on the stoop with his hand raised to knock. He looked…uncomfortable. She wondered if it was from the middle-of-the-night phone call, but then he shivered and scratched at his arm.

Not unlike Danny had been doing for the past week.

“Are Jack and Maddie experimenting with anything new?” he asked quietly, not moving to come inside.

Jazz stepped out to join him and closed the door behind her. “Nothing beyond the usual. I try to keep a close eye on all of that, for Danny’s sake.”

Vlad let out a hiss. “There’s…something here. Something familiar, but I don’t….” He glanced down at her slippered feet, and she realized what he wanted.

“I’ll grab my shoes,” she said, ducking back inside to slip on her shoes and a coat. She closed the door behind her again, finished shrugging on the coat, and asked, “Where did you want to go?”

“Just farther from here,” Vlad replied through gritted teeth, “so that I can think clearly.”

“Mom and Dad will be too busy to notice anyway,” Jazz said, leading the way at a quick clip. Vlad easily kept pace, and she began to fill him in on the details she hadn’t over the phone, answering his questions as best she could.

To her knowledge, Jack and Maddie had yet to make even an exploratory trip to the Ghost Zone, always finding something on the Spectre Speeder that should first be improved to maximize safety. While they were still actively developing new weapons, their power source remained the same, and she wasn’t aware of any experimental chemistry that might account for Danny’s illness. Likewise, he’d never told her of fighting anyone new, and she had yet to receive responses from Sam and Tucker to confirm that belief.

For his part, Vlad didn’t seem to think this was something spread from the other ghosts, at least not deliberately. “Biowarfare is hardly their style,” he said dryly, “and none of them would dare try something like that without checking with me.”

None who follow your lead, anyway, Jazz thought, but she didn’t say it out loud. Vlad had enough ears to the ground that he would have heard if any ghost was plotting something along those lines. She may not be sure of the exact number on his payroll, so to speak, but it was high. “But if it’s not something from the lab or something from the ghosts, what does that leave?”

Vlad stopped walking. “Nature.”

Jazz frowned at him. “Nature?” she echoed. “Like…like the stories of salt and iron and stuff like that?”

Vlad snorted. “Please, nothing so mundane. Tell me, have either of your parents taken up gardening?”

Jazz stared at him. “No—?” It wasn’t entirely true. Maddie always planted a small garden, just for show, and sometimes Jack would water or weed it, but most of the time, the flowers would be swallowed by invading grasses and other, faster-growing plants. The intended flowers never survived. She’d hardly call it gardening.

“Are you quite sure? There’s a particular plant to which all ghosts are extremely sensitive. Blood blossoms. I’ve built up a modest immunity myself, providing I stay in this form. The blossoms themselves are the worst—their mere fragrance triggers the pain centres in the brain—but touching any part of the plant will burn, including pollen.”

“So it’s ghost poison?”

“In a matter of speaking, yes. Its leaves, latex, roots— Every part of it is harmful to ghosts, halfas included, no matter how small the dose or limited the exposure.”

Jazz bit her lip. If the poison didn’t even need to be ingested to have an effect, that made it more likely that Danny had been indirectly exposed. After all, if her parents had planted blood blossoms somewhere, she certainly wouldn’t have noticed. Her plant-based knowledge was severely lacking, all things considered, and if she had seen it, she would have assumed it was just a normal plant. She’d never heard of any sort of ghost poison plant.

But if spores from the plant could be carried on the wind, or sap coating the leaves could linger on touched surfaces, or—

“They must have planted some,” Vlad said. “It would explain the downturn in ghostly activity I’ve noticed in your neighbourhood, and it would certainly explain poor Daniel’s worsening symptoms.”

Jazz decided not to ask. After what Danny had told her, she wasn’t entirely surprised to learn that Vlad kept the different sections of Amity Park under surveillance. “I’ll talk to Mom and—”

“You can only tell them the source of Daniel’s affliction,” interrupted Vlad, “if you’re ready to tell them everything on his behalf.”

Jazz frowned. She knew Vlad didn’t want her to say anything—for his sake more so than Danny’s, no doubt—but he wasn’t wrong, either. Still, Danny’s health was more important to her than his secret. This wouldn’t be the best way to reveal the truth, but if not knowing the truth meant Danny wasn’t getting the care he needed—

“I’ll convince them to put him in isolation, just in case,” Jazz said. “That won’t be hard. You can help them flush his system or whatever’s needed to make sure Danny gets better. I’ll deal with the plants.” She’d have to do it in a way so her mother didn’t know what happened—if Maddie realized the sabotage, she might try growing them again—but that wouldn’t be terribly hard, either. Jazz knew exactly where the salt was kept, and she was more than willing to ruin a patch of earth or a pot or whatever these blood blossoms were growing in to save her little brother. “Now, tell me exactly what these things look like.”

XXXXXXX

When Danny woke, his tongue was swollen, pressing against his teeth, and his mouth—throat—everything was dry. He must have made some small sound, as Maddie appeared in his vision. She wore the same heavy-duty HAZMAT suit she had when Sam and Tucker had contracted Vlad’s ecto-acne, and his heart sank.

He didn’t need his sudden awareness of the various beeping machines or the hanging plastic sheets to tell him that he had been placed under quarantine.

“Only take a few slow sips, sweetie, until we know if you can handle it,” Maddie warned as she passed him a cup of water with a straw.

He forced his mouth to close around the straw and sucked greedily, relishing in the glorious wetness of the drink until she took it away from him with a frown. “Slowly,” she repeated, and for a moment he thought she was going to keep it, but she gave it back to him. This time, he obeyed her instructions.

“You’ll need to drink plenty more, little badger,” Vlad said behind him, and Danny jumped. He twisted around to glare, but Vlad ignored him, as per usual. “Moving you to a sterile environment seems to have helped, but you are hardly in top condition.”

Danny scowled. “Did you just come here to tell me to drink fluids and get plenty of rest?”

Vlad raised his eyebrows, but Maddie was the one to speak, saying, “I know you aren’t feeling well, honey, but please don’t take that tone with Vlad. He’s been working closely with us since you crashed, and his suggestions have resulted in some undeniable improvements.”

“I’ll bet,” Danny muttered, but he knew he had no right to be upset. He had a vague memory of asking Jazz to call Vlad, after all. Louder, as much to please his mother as to assuage his conscience, he said, “Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Vlad. Thanks for helping me.”

“You’re most welcome, Daniel,” came Vlad’s reply, and Danny thought he was purposefully being irritating. “Now, as you said and as I’m sure your dear mother will agree, you should get plenty of fluids and rest. No, ah, strenuous activities.” Danny frowned, and Vlad added, “It’s best to keep you here, isolated and in observation, until we’re certain the danger has passed.”

Isolated and in observation, huh? Danny could translate that easily enough. He couldn’t use his powers without blowing his secret. Well, fine. He wasn’t really eager to jump back into ghost fighting right now, anyway. Turning intangible had hurt, and he didn’t want to repeat that experience.

Besides, he was feeling markedly better, so Vlad was probably on the level. Still a bit stuffed up, still a bit like his head was full of cotton, but the pain was gone.

And while he might not know what was in the IV that was connected to his arm, he could rest assured that it wouldn’t kill him or Vlad would’ve intervened.

“It’s a saline drip,” Vlad said, seeing his glance.

If Vlad was going to tell him anything else, it wouldn’t happen while Maddie was in the room. Danny nodded and looked over at his mom. “Can I get some more water, please?”

“Of course, sweetie,” she said. “I’ll be back in a moment. Vlad, why don’t you help him get comfortable sitting up in the meantime?”

She didn’t wait for an answer before leaving. Vlad also did not reach for the extra pillows Danny could very clearly see stacked in the corner of the room, but that was fine. Danny didn’t really care about that anyway. “What was this?” he whispered.

“You, my dear boy, are the victim of blood blossoms.”

Danny swallowed, remembering the pain they could bring. This had hurt, sure, but it wasn’t anything like it had been back in Salem. “How? Mom and Dad don’t use them, and you—”

“They may not use them yet, but someone—most likely your dear mother—planted some in a nice little window box outside of your kitchen. Jasmine assures me she’s killed them in a way that will discourage your parents from replanting.”

“Right,” Danny said slowly. “But this wasn’t…. This wasn’t like blood blossoms.”

Vlad snorted. “It may not be like your last encounter with them, but your sister showed me a picture of the plants so that I could confirm that they were, indeed, blood blossoms. I know exactly what they look like, Daniel, and clearly you’ll need to educate yourself on that front, too.”

“Are you seriously going to stand there and insult me when I’m in a makeshift hospital?”

Something in Vlad’s expression softened. “Your symptoms may not have been bad yet, little badger, but make no mistake. It would have been far worse if more than a single plant had been in bloom. Your body was clearly trying to rid itself of every blood blossom particle it had encountered these past few weeks, and it failed, as it inevitably would.”

Danny frowned. “Are you trying to tell me I’m allergic to blood blossoms?”

“An allergy is an understatement, my dear boy. Exposure to blood blossoms in high enough concentrations will not merely kill you; they’ll destroy your essence.”

Danny couldn’t help but make a face at that. “Comforting. And you knowingly used them on me why, exactly?”

Vlad rolled his eyes. “I said they’d destroy you in high enough concentrations. It takes a much smaller dose to merely incapacitate you.”

“Gee, thanks.” He was going to say more, but he saw the door open and his mother come in, carrying a glass of water, and his father bounding in behind her.

“Danny-boy! You’re awake!”

Danny laughed right up until the point his dad squeezed the breath from his body. “Yeah, Dad,” he choked out. “I’m feeling a lot better.”

Danny felt Vlad put some pillows behind him. “If you think you might be interested in a botany lesson, little badger, you’ll have to come over to my place and borrow one of my books. I’m sure you’d find it most illuminating.”

It took some effort not to make a face at that, too, but Vlad was trying to be helpful, and Danny was grateful for that. As long as he didn’t want a mid-morph sample or for Danny to renounce his father in exchange, that was perfectly fine with him. He wouldn’t mind learning something useful from the older halfa.

Besides, having a better knowledge of plants that could potentially destroy him would definitely be good. And even if the book Vlad had—assuming he actually had a book—was horrifically boring, Sam might find it interesting, and she could tell him the important bits.

“Thanks,” Danny said, and this time he meant it. “That’d be great.”

After all, if something useful was going to come out of this experience, he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

(see more fics | my phight phics)

[reallyawesomecostumes]

Dean Winchester in his Coffin

A comparison between Queequeg’s coffin in Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick and Dean’s coffin in Supernatural

(screencap from Home of the Nutty)

In Supernatural 14x11 ‘Damaged Goods’, Dean Winchester builds his own coffin. 

It’s not really a coffin, it just looks like one. The box is a ma’lak box designed by Death herself to secure Dean and AU-Michael at the bottom of the Pacific for all eternity*. We as viewers of a long-running episodic television show are pretty sure the  Winchester boys will find a way out of this mess in the next couple episodes, but Dean built it, so we have to talk about it. 

There are closet metaphors inherent in this coffin-building (I recommend @drsilverfish here); there are show-internal parallels to Amara being locked away, Adam’s current fate in The Cage, the wall in Sam’s mind in season 6; the list goes on. I wanted to talk instead about how Dean’s coffin-building compares to some coffin-building in classic American literature: the story of Queequeg’s coffin in Herman Melville’s “Moby-Dick; or, The Whale.” 

Moby-Dick, published 1851, is a book that many of us were forced to read in high school or college. I escaped this fate but had to read “The Scarlet Letter” and “Bartleby the Scrivener” instead. I did watch the Patrick Stewart TV miniseries version as a teenager, of course. For some dumb reason** I became a Moby-Dick reader because I was a Queequeg/Ishmael shipper, so know that I have a fairly biased perspective on the book as a whole.

In Moby-Dick, our narrator Ishmael (a depressed unemployed Yankee) meets Queequeg, a cannibal

(Queequeg as a character is a jumble of noble savage tropes, the author’s own knowledge of Pacific Islanders met during his whaling experience, and ideas pulled from other contemporary books both fiction and non-fiction), when they become accidental bedfellows at Peter Coffin’s inn (Coffin is a prominent name among the whalers of Nantucket, in real life and in the world of the story). Ishmael wants to go whaling, and Queequeg’s a guy who is very good at whaling. They have similar life goals, if not similar life experiences . They’re textually married***. 

Queequeg catches a chill crawling around belowdecks on the Pequod moving barrels to find a leak (the hold is described as an ice-box). While he’s dying Queequeg says he doesn’t want his body to be wrapped up in his hammock before being thrown overboard like an ordinary sailor, but put in a canoe-style coffin like the harpooneers from Nantucket use. He convinces the ship’s carpenter to make one for him. Queequeg kits the coffin out with food and water and his (most precious possessions) harpoon and paddle, and puts earth from the hold at the foot of it . He lays in it, and Pip the cabin boy sings nonsense briefly (a la the Fool in King Lear). Ishmael sort-of suggests that watching this guy die would make him start a religion. But then Queequeg decides not to die. He throws off the fever with his own will, and recovers (for plot reasons, but also so Melville could add more Noble Savage tropes). He uses the coffin as a clothes-chest. He starts carving the lid with the pattern of the tattoos on his body (these tattoos are religious in nature, but are unknown and unknowable, ‘a complete theory of the heavens and the earth’), making it into a sort-of body double for him.

Some time passes. A guy falls from the rigging, and the stern life-buoy is thrown to him, and both the man and the old, rotting cask that serves as a buoy sink and drown. It is suggested that the nice new well-built no longer needed coffin can be made into a new life-buoy. This re-purposing is lampshaded in text:

“Here now’s the very dreaded symbol of grim death, by a mere hap, made the expressive sign of the help and hope of most endangered life. A life-buoy of a coffin! Does it go further? Can it be that in some spiritual sense the coffin is, after all, but an immortality-preserver! I’ll think of that.”

-Captain Ahab, in a theatrical aside, Chapter 127: The Deck.

After the whale drags Captain Ahab down and sinks the Pequod, the very well-made coffin/life-buoy shoots to the surface, and the only surviving crewmember (Ishmael, our narrator) clings to it until another ship picks him up. 

While Queequeg’s coffin is intended for mundane use (to preserve his body from sharks after death) and is eventually used for mundane purpose (Ishmael’s life preserver), Dean’s pseudo-coffin-building serves a more esoteric purpose - to lock himself and his angel double away from the world said angel wants to destroy (“for all angel is not’ing more dan de shark well goberned” - Fleece the cook, Moby-Dick). The ma’lak box is Dean and Michael’s “immortality-preserver”. We have two pairs of characters, and two death-coded vessels that serve to preserve them.

Remember that time Ishmael and Queequeg got married? Some authors have characterized this wedding as "the first portrait of same-sex marriage in American literature". That it causes some readers 'uneasiness'. The line 'our heart's honeymoon', describing the time post-marriage, was censored in the original publication. Other readers have taken the marriage esoterically, relating Ishmael and Queequeg's earthly marriage to the internal marriage of the self to the Jungian shadow-self.

Shadows**** follow the two protagonists of Moby-Dick, Ishmael and Ahab. Ishmael accepts and marries his shadow, Queequeg the cannibal, and learns the customs of the whaling-ship from him. He admires the unknowableness of the ocean and sky as well as Queequeg's unknowable tattoos. He frees himself from his initial depression, and is literally saved at the novel's conclusion by Queequeg's pseudo-body. Ahab, conversely, pushes away Pip the cabin boy (who serves as Lear's fool through the story, and speaks unknowably) and turns towards Fedallah the Parsee (described as Ahab's shadow in the book) who speaks concrete but awful truths. Ahab rejects reality and stays on a path of revenge even though warned multiple times that he will fail. He eventually dies, and brings most of his crew down with him. His lack of acceptance of his good shadow and of his true place in the world brings about destruction. Self-actualization results in being saved.

The (current) protagonists of Supernatural have shadow selves as well. Again @drsilverfish has an excellent post about this. Castiel's shadow is The Shadow/The Empty, which has appeared in his own form, and wishes only for sleep and nothingness. Dean's shadow, AU!Michael, only wants to destroy the world that Dean keeps sacrificing himself to protect. Sam's shadow, Nick, went through the same dark experiences Sam did, but unlike Sam wound up horribly twisted and murderous. We haven't seen Jack's shadow-self yet, but I suspect current sweet and kind graceless!Jack will have a foil in future uncaring soulless!Jack. The idea of marrying oneself to one's shadow, in Supernatural, is nearly unthinkable: they are destructive, inhuman entities. However, in 14x11 Sam managed to accept the reality of his shadow self and release himself from responsibility for Nick.

At this point Dean's plan is to death-wed himself to Michael for eternity, sharing one body and one coffin-bed at the bottom of the Pacific. We know from Jung and from Melville that the only way to survive the confrontation with the shadow is to accept it - to 'Know Thyself', without misconceptions about your place in the world. 'Gain[ing] the perspective on [your] soul and the universe that will make balance possible.' The coffin will become a life-buoy.

I suspect the ma'lak box will be used to trap something other than Dean or Michael (soulless!Jack, probably) at the end of this season. Even if it's current purpose is untenable, it is a tool that can be used in the future.

Comparison between Moby-Dick and Supernatural can occur on a number of different levels. Ishmael and Dean (and Castiel whose human vessel, Jimmy Novak, is of the line of Biblical Ishmael) are the heroes of the bildungsroman part of the story and are hangers on to Ahab/John/Sam's Shakespearean revenge quest. Each story is a very American depiction of a masculine world. Each mirror the world in a smaller vessel, a ship and a car. Jung's concept of the shadow self, however, holds as the key to this season through all of these eleven episodes, and the shadow self is one of many keys that promote understanding of Melville's Moby-Dick. Self-actualization saves the day.

* Note that geologists cry whenever people suggest indestructible things sent to the bottom of the ocean will stay there for all eternity.

** It was Yuletide, and I’d just binge-read the entire Aubrey-Maturin series.

*** I wrote about this last year when Yockey dropped Led Zeppelin’s Moby Dick into the story. Moby Dick, song, has nothing to do with Moby-Dick, book, except their mutual length, but Supernatural and Moby-Dick share quite a few themes. 

**** yes, Melville does make the shadows of his white protagonists literally dark-skinned

References:

@drsilverfish, “A Fridge-Locker, An Enochian Puzzle Box, a Ma’lak Box… and the Closet (14x11 Damaged Goods)”, http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182296360214/a-fridge-locker-an-enochian-puzzle-box-a-malak 

@drsilverfish​, “The Shadow (14x08)”, http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/180906003584/the-shadow-14x08

Brashers, H.C., 1962, "Ishmael's Tattoos": The Sewanee Review, v.70, n.1, p.137-154, http://wwww.jstor.org/stable/27540756

Halverson, John, 1963, "The Shadow in Moby-Dick": American Quarterly, v.15, n.3, p.436-446, http://www.jstor.org/stable/2711373

Horton, Margy Thomas, 2012, "Melville's Unfolding Selves: Identity Formation in Mardi, Moby-Dick, and Pierre": doctoral dissertation, Baylor University

Melville, Herman, “Moby-Dick; or, The Whale”, project Gutenberg ebook, http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2701/2701-h/2701-h.htm

[elizabethrobertajones]

I've seen people compare and contrast Dean's pearl wish with his djinn dream in s2, but what are your thoughts on Amara giving him what he wants most and the pearl his heart's desire? Given one is his mom and the other his dad. And one needing to be reversed.

Dean’s heart… an enigma for the ages :’D We should throw in from the pile of other smaller instances, the largest plain text one, which is 4x14 and the siren telling Dean that he wanted a brother-figure most in another episode which dealt with manifesting desires… Though that one’s been argued to shreds and has terrible context even taking a straightforward read of it as what it says on the tin, because it’s to force discord between Sam and Dean in the run up to their worst falling out, and so it’s a replacement in a very sinister way rather than the cleanest comparison you make of Amara giving Mary - actual Mary - back and the pearl granting John - actual John - back, compared to every other instance of wish fulfilment along the way. 

Anyway I think it is clear Amara had the better instinct… I feel like we all know about Dean and his issues with John, and I think it’s very much that the pearl picked up on a desire to resolve these things, and especially maybe exactly what the episode ended up being for them with John - just the chance to see the family unit together, and in a way see off the dream of what was missing there. That Mary being back begged a question of why not John as well - why hadn’t Amara restored BOTH parents, and why wasn’t Dean’s desire that SHE read in him to have this completed family with John AND Mary. 

I think the episode dealt with it really interestingly because I keep laughing in disbelief that what I never thought would happen even subtextually but totally had been joking to myself would, was Dean “coming out” to John in some way that set up normative family values against family don’t end in blood aka the weird ass family that he’s collected for himself through the years. 

Even as far back as that quote’s original use in 3x16, Bobby’s supplanted John and steps in as father and a strong subplot of season 3 is Bobby taking on that role, with 3x10 having a lot of this between him and Dean specifically… The show then goes on to not only build this up over the years to the point that Bobby’s the better dad, but in 7x10 goes so far as to suggest that he had been historically, retconning their history just one shade further from the way in 1x22 Bobby comes across almost like a vaguely known family friend to the one who wanted to play catch with Dean and defended their right to be kids with John over the phone, almost to the implication that the reason in 1x22 they’re worried about going to Bobby because last time they saw him he threatened to shoot John… was over their parenting of the boys. 

Like, John not only missed out and has some serious trauma with his boys, but in the family unit the show holds up as better than blood family, Bobby has historically and firmly supplanted John over a long arc through most of the core part of the show and final iconic death episode, so even though Bobby is also dead, we have AUBobby back if we WANT to step-dad him back into the family via Mary, and regardless, it’s clear that from childhood to way beyond John’s life, Bobby set down a challenge and the motto of the show and WON, and John doesn’t actually have a place in Dean’s family unit; he has the place in the NORMATIVE blood family, the white picket fence nuclear family from 1x01 that we see for all of a few seconds before it’s destroyed. But the family that means the most to Dean by all accounts of the show from season 3 onwards is not one that actually includes John and the more people Dean adopts, the less John factors into this, until by season 13 and 14 he’s shuddering out of the last of it by getting to raise a son of his own from tentative horror about inflicting a childhood on him like what John did to them, to actually bonding with Jack and being a better father than John was - thankfully with much lower stakes and 2 other dads to pick up the slack for the hard stuff when he’s emotionally incapable of reaching out at first.

And then we have how in season 1, the entire arc is about finding John, and in 1x16 we get that conversation between Sam and Dean which shatters my heart every time I go through: 

DEAN: Yes, that, but it’s more than that, man. (He returns to the dresser and is silent again, then once more turns to Sam.) You and me and Dad—I mean, I want us….I want us to be together again. I want us to be a family again.

SAM: Dean, we are a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before. (DEAN looks heartbroken.)

DEAN: (sadly) Could be.

SAM: I don’t want them to be. I’m not gonna live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you’re gonna have to let me go my own way. (He and DEAN share a look.)

And then in 1x20:

SAM (Grumpily) That’s probably what Dad’s thinking. Course it would be nice if he just told us what he thinks.

DEAN So it is starting.

SAM What?

DEAN Sam, we’ve been looking for Dad all year. Now we’re not with him for more than a couple of hours and there’s static already?

There’s obviously like, a whole season of material on this but these moments stand out to me about what they want and how compatible the Sam Dean John team really is (without factoring in Mary being alive so there’s some more happiness to it all in what we saw).

In 1x16 Sam has John’s 14x13 idea of a happy end - of getting out of the life and being able to do normal human things and settle down and all that jazz, and John’s really sad that Dean never found it, and just sees a lack in Dean’s life. And then there’s the issue of having John around where obviously there’s a lot of reasons in the 14x13 set up that if it had been permanent it would have been better, but still what we saw was the very rosy honeymoon period of having John back. Like, they weren’t working a case together so we got no leadership conflict, but while Sam and John had the most heartbreaking chat to resolve everything between them, they also had one of those in the iconic “spent it on ammo” scene, which was, you know, wonderful and all, but then somehow John still ends up dying within the week after his last 3 conversations with Sam were all blow out arguments. And John in this episode was snatched from technically the middle of his falling out with Sam about Stanford, when he was coming from whiplash of disowning to wow damn the kid got big and competent and, er, hunter-y. Nullifying that argument from John’s POV just as Sam has lived just too much life to be mad about it when faced with a John of that era. Conveniently for their development in the episode, ya know. John was very cannily picked out of time for the perfect balance of emotions. Multiple time periods of John could be used for what he and Dean went through, but only Standford-era John could be chill and easy for Sam to handle like that.

So. We’ve got John nullified from being part of the core family and we’ve got him being potentially dangerous to keep around for a long time, even if we can assume the cheerful period would be longer. We still had, like, AUBobby. And whatever would have happened getting John up to speed on their lives and putting him to work. Sam is HUNTER BOSS now. Chief. King of Hell by default because the demons are all too scared of him to elect a new one. How’s John going to fit into a dynamic where even AUBobby’s acknowledged Sam’s the alpha? Sam’s issues in season 1 were largely being the kid still, helpless with being only 22 and relatively inexperienced at least compared to John and Dean even though he’s NEVER portrayed as incapable, he’s just struggling with being young and not being the natural leader his personality has always been and he’s always had trouble with. (the 1x10 fury about the kids thinking Dean is his boss is the best microcosm :P The actual argument of 1x10-11 in full explains it all though if you rewatch those 2 with this in mind.) 

And then why does Mary get to stay? First of all, just because they don’t have ANY experience of her, not as hunter!mom, barely as mom, and she’s a sainted concept with no personality so they don’t have a CLUE about who Mary actually IS and all the ways she can be flawed and weird and messy and like them and unlike them. In some ways a problem with John was always too MUCH John became a thing very quickly, while they’ve been thirsty sponges for anything about Mary. Dean remembers the tiniest specs of info about her and Sam is arguably in a worst place of not knowing at ALL. 

She also never got to fuck them up with trauma and getting a chance to fuck up and upset them as adults is wonderful because they get to go through Dramas and Struggles about having mom around and her doing crap things like sleeping with Ketch or whatever and like… that’s still delightful filling in gaps compared to them carrying enormous burdens from how John raised them… Even knowing Mary was a hunter and made the deal etc is a retroactive pain they only carry from season 4, so all their formative years she was a blank slate and John was causing all the damage. Even if we break John and Mary down to how they address Sam and Dean’s trauma, John shows up to make up for/free them from what already happened to them, while Mary arrives to fill in blank spaces and give them an experience they never had before. 12x22′s speech addresses all this in one way or another, about both the history retcon Dean’s had time to absorb since season 4, but also that the trauma came from John, and even the very setting of the childhood kitchen and Mary’s inability to see past her tiny children mirroring their inability to see past Mother Mary at times giving us how much they’re building their emotional landscape over this frozen-in-time leap of 33 years. 

Amara gave Dean forward development he needed most in a way that was ongoing development of a relationship over time, while the pearl resolves something that can be done in an afternoon, and free Dean to move on to a world beyond John and to embracing and understanding his own family values without the spectre of what John wanted for him… Better for them to all get a resolution about John, a good final memory, but then to accept that he came from the past, and to put him back there. While Mary is a scrappy disaster person just like them, and very much a living person with her own crap… John emerged like a ghost, and ~moved on~ like a ghost. But the unfinished business was on the living winchesters, rather than on him. 

… It was fantastically well done, I probably don’t need to say about how I feel on it :’)