#i am anxious that things won't fit in the car

[lit-in-thy-heart]

fucking hate moving

[deunmiu-dessie]

(unedited)³ retired simon has nowhere to go, so you offer. { his pov } [ one, two, three]

she’s like a breath of fresh air. bright and cold. a gust so frigid that it sends goosebumps to shroud his skin. like the first fall of snow. was it december now? how long has it been since he’d left? how long has he wandered? adrift like a buoy at sea. but strangely stuck, straying in place. like some sort of ghost. trapped and terrified.

he thinks she’s naive. strange, even. like a child left outside without supervision. prone to being up to no good. she’s insistent in her little fiat car. her hands are covered in a pair of creme wool gloves. and when he looks close enough he notices that they’re fraying at the seam. worn. loved.

she says her name. it’s pretty, her name. it fits. she’s expectant, waiting for him to speak. give her something, anything he’s sure. she seems like a good girl. too good, too much for him, not enough for her. he hardly even knew her. but she wants to know you. she’s being nice. nothing more. simon. that’s what he tells her and it rolls off her tongue faultlessly. “well, we’re not strangers anymore, simon.” is what she says. he finds her amusing.

it’s her eyes. that’s what makes him slide into the passenger seat. they're wide. warm. nervous— despite her being the one to offer him a ride. it’s endearing, if not a bit entertaining. and the cold has already frozen his body. he can hardly feel his feet. but he deserves this. this life that he’s been subjected to.

she’s an anxious thing. her gloved hands drum lightly against the steering wheel. she’s shit at making small talk. and from the reflection of the car window, he can see the way she works her bottom lip into her mouth. he’s tempted to thumb it from within the wet heat. he doesn't.

“could be a killer.” she smiles. her eyes brighten. it’s small but he finds himself forgetting to breathe. in and out. in and out. she smells temptingly like honey and spices, all tangy and sweet. fuck. he holds his breath. “are you?” he doesn't respond. after all the killing. the blood that stains his hands. his skin. won't come off no matter how hard he scrubs. he’s a murderer. yes, i am. she’s too trusting. he wouldn't hurt her. never.

small. is how he would describe the apartment. small but homey. filled with greenery, color, and a tiny christmas tree. it’s tucked away. surrounded by lights at its base. it smells like chocolate, milk to be specific. but her as well. honeyed spices and dried fruits, tangy and sweet. the radio that he hears plays quietly. silent night in instrumental. his heart tightens in his chest.

he’s not sure how he ended up here. surrounded by her four walls. she suggests sweetly. eyes wide and sad at his destination. he declines. she isn't the type to take no for an answer. her brows are knitted. hands tightening. he’s enamored. he shouldn't stay. he should tuck and roll out the car while he has the chance. run. like he’s used to doing. too late the two pull in. she’s pleased with herself. he grins faintly beneath his mask. cute.

the couch is a bed. it pulls out into one anyway. she busies herself. shuffling to get sheets and a comforter. it’s a faded baby blue, printed with delicate flowers. and she looks proud. smiling at the cozy couch. her lips are coated in a sheen. from the lip balm she’d put on a second ago. and he adverts his eyes when she looks toward him. couldn't meet those wide eyes. sweet and nervous. he stares instead at the makeshift bed. she speaks. grins awkwardly.

“thank you.” he means it. it’s stiff. his voice hoarse from the cold but, he means it— no matter how gruff it comes out. her hands. no longer swathed by wool gloves, slide down denim-clad thighs. lips press. and her head nods. she says his name again, but scurries before he can reply, and maybe it’s for the best. he can barely speak.

click.

he shouldn't. but he finds himself amused. good girl. he was still a stranger after all. a strange man she has willingly invited into her home. he wondered briefly if she was right in the head. right to slow for him. to smile at him. she couldn't be. unsure. he can’t get comfortable. just lays there and listens to her faint voice. walls thin. voice muffled. but words clear. “die tonight.”— “…love you.” he ponders.

he doesn't remember a ring. friend? mom? boyfriend? his heart aches. he doesn't know her. he has no right to feel anything. she was nice, too good. he was the opposite, with nowhere to go. nothing to offer. why was he here? he should leave. but sleep weighs heavy on his eyes. bing crosby lulls him to sleep. he’d be gone before she woke.

i've always thought simon to have very choppy thoughts. and always being very in his head. very observant. so yeah. listened to christmas music making this! hehehe

[peek-seek]

Revelation Pt1

Jake Sully x reader x Neytiri

(I'm obsessed with avatar right now)(this takes place after avatar 1)

(I am kind of bullshitting some stuff, I only have so much knowledge)

(okay last bracket, the talking bits my be a bit meh and it takes a couple chapters to actually get to pandora)

summary(ish not really): You were human, a scientist sent on a mission to Pandora. The escape from reality of hell on earth. The planet of new beginnings.

You've heard of Na'vi and what the humans that previously went there did. You know that going there means you won't get the warmest welcome and possibly meet with death because of what the RDA did, what humans did.

But you wanted an escape, to set your life a new. you were tired of going to the same 9 to 5, eating the same canned food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with the occasional different flavoring.

You hated the feeling of just existing and never actually living, you loathed it. Feeling transparent, never exploring who you are, too consumed in fitting to standards of everyone around you so you didn't have to deal with useless conflict. You hated never being able to be you and never being able to explore it.

You hated having no one, not even yourself to turn to. Being alone was fine, but being lonely was miserable and you'd do almost anything to escape feeling that again. So when you saw a flyer asking for volunteers, you grabbed it, reaching and seeking a chance for escape.

The sheet asked for volunteers or people previously in the program to undergo training for a year before going to pandora. Pandora was already a place of interest before this offer, you only looked at a book or two here and there about the planet at the public library.

You looked into the species, the language, and some other cool facts in a kids book. Although, you didn't delve into things about Pandora, you just skimmed what was there and called it good.

The planet was always a place you wanted to go to but you thought you lost your chance to go so you never really explored the idea of going there, until that flyer.

You were excited to say the least, but also a bit doubtful. You probably wouldn't know much compared to the other volunteers and might end up embarrassing yourself. But you still wanted to go or at least see if you actually had a shot at going to Pandora. And it isn't like you were entirely clueless, of course you were pretty much clueless about a lot that involved Pandora. But you did get your masters in Micro Biology, just never pursued a job with it in mind.

You had no clue why they asked for volunteers or why they'd have flyers out for civilians to grab as they pleased, but you couldn't give up this chance.

The date on the flyer was a week away and you were nervous? Anxious? Scared? Nope. You were all of the above. Because you didn't know shit, you have no sense of direction if you managed to get on the planet, and have a selective(terrible) memory. So even if you tried to study, you'd probably forget it all as soon as you walked in due to stress. You aren't the most graceful person either.

You decided to pray to whoever and cross your fingers and toes and hope that it ends up okay. While you waited the for the upcoming interview, you stressed, researched, worked, and slept.. a lot. That whole week was a haze mostly due to the amount of powernaps and cramming your brain with information of past studies that didn't make much sense.

The big day finally came and you were scared shitless. you went to the place that the flyer said and arrived a half hour earlier (around 4:30 pm)so you had time to calm your nerves and possibly go over the flashcards you prepared.

You seemed to lose track of time skimming the cards because the clock said 5:05pm. Once you fully processed that you are late, you bolted out of your car and hauled ass to the building. It was a breath takingly beautiful building but you unfortunately didn't have time to admire the scenery.

You opened the door to see a room similar to a classroom, you took the closest empty seat and noticed about 70 or so people there. Some guy who was roughly 50 was talking in the front of the room, you'd assume about what the training would consist of.

You leaned over to the person beside you and mumbled," Did I miss much?"

They replied with, "He just began the introduction and basically said what we'd train. And that there would only be about 20 of us who'd be able to go to Pandora."

You look up and decided it would be weird if you didn't give your name," Thank you, I owe you one. My name is y/n, and you are?"

"Ezra, and no problem." You both draw your attention to the head of the room when it sounded like the guy, or rather Dr.Porter seemed to be talking about something important.

"As you all know, Pandora is a dangerous place, not only due to the species there, but due to our reputation. The first rule is that it is forbidden to go into Na'vi territory, if you do not obey that rule, you will be killed. That was out agreement with the Na'vi. If we break that rule, you are not only putting yourself in danger, but the whole squad. I hope if you listen to any of these rules that you will at least listen to this one.

The second rule is no dating, it makes things messy, it's unprofessional. And the third is pretty obvious, don't do stupid shit that could endanger your squad. Testing will begin shortly, we will test you on physical health, what you know, and if you are compatible. You see that in front of you is paper and pencil, good luck."

You are left flabbergasted because you thought testing would be at the end of the year and not now. You nervously glance at Ezra. "Good luck." is all he said and you shakily replied the same.

You hesitantly grab the the pencil and put your name on the paper. You think it'll now take a miracle to get in to the program. 'Fuck it' you thought and scribbled out the answer to the ones you knew and guessed for the ones you didn't. You were bullshitting left and right and prayed you would pass.

With that the writing portion of the test was done and you were now onto the compatibility test where they look at your DNA and blood. They took you to a different room after you handed in your paper. The room was pretty much a waiting room you all sat at and they called your names one by one, just like at a doctors office.

A nurse came out looking at her clipboard and said your name. You immediately jumped from your seat and followed her to yet another room. It was your standard room with a bed and wrap covering it. You laid down and waited for a doctor to come in. They ran a bunch of weird tests while you sat patiently for it to be over.

Once they were done with that a different nurse came in and simply said the next test will begin shortly and that he'd take you to the place it was being held.

You were sweating a bit thinking about the next test. But before your mind could waver too much, you were already at the door to the testing grounds. The nurse opened the door, gave you a quick good luck, and sent you on your way.

The room was quite big. It had really tall ceilings, and was pretty spacious. You see a group of people in white coats recording data on the volunteers that were being tested. One of the recorders asked you to stand by a group of people and you noticed Ezra and decided to wave him down. You guys talked for a bit about the writing portion of the test. You both wished each other well and parted ways so that you could take the last part of the test.

The testers told you to do as many jumping jacks, pushups, squats, and line sprints as possible and then told you to lift the heaviest weight you could. Your limbs were jelly and you think you went to the afterlife about 12 times by the time it was over. They said you could go home and rest and that they'd call you if you got in.

You didn't expect much but at least happy you tried. You got in your car, drove home, and landed face first on your bed and slept like a rock, you called off work, no way were you going tomorrow.

(okay, that was the first chapter, I am kind of going with the flow for the plot. I don't have much in mind other than reader is gonna get in on that jake and Neytiri action. I don't know if I'll update regularly but I liked writing this so far and am planning on working on the next chapter after I post this. I also do not know how long or short this series will be but I hope you all enjoy it)

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Watching Con O'Neill Content Day 8- 3 Steps to Heaven

Warnings for: Full Body Nudity, drug use, murder, torture, BDSM Imagery, forced kiss

Online this is classified as a Comedy by Rotten Tomatoes, which feels fair. When you google it says Suspense/Dark Comedy.

Initially, based on the premise, I thought this movie was just Vengeance Is Mine but Con plays one of the fuckers semi-responsible. I was not entirely wrong.

Full Spoilers Below! If you don't want my reactions, skip to the dotted separations at the end for the rating!

I've separated out parts where Con is on screen, and identified if a part of the movie takes place in a flash back.

--------------------------------------------------------------

PRESNET

Why did she pull the gun out in elevator the first place. Like. Idk man, seems like you could have waited.

Love the step-by-step instructions for gun assembly

Why is she just spinning in circles with a gun in her hand? How does that help train for anything?

PRESENT- CON'S SECTION

CON! I hate the facial hair, oh how I hate it. Just in combination with the short hair. Makes him look way older. Like, it probably fits the character- But like, if he fluffed it, or did anything besides letting it stay so flat-

Is he on something? The character Angel, not con. Clearly, he's going for paranoid criminal, and I love it.

You know what, I can enjoy this. 'Worried?' "Now that you mention it, yeah!' Sweet. That was a nice car they took.

If Con's look is interesting the man with a knife and a beaver on his head is something extra.

Con in a wife beater getting pinned and interrogated is surely something.

Hey look, he's allowed to laugh! Crazy how that works.

Angel just letting himself get driven around by her is very funny

She makes him close his eyes, and gives him a bullet. Babe. What the fuck does that even mean. You can't use a gun properly.

"I've met someone" Babe, you don't know her name. This is just Con in most of his roles, but Jesus. Never really noticed it was a trope of his until now.

Wife Beater+ Tighty Whitie's+ Cig is also surely a thing

Cocaine + waving a gun around. A winning combo

Angel- this makes 3 Con characters doing stupid shit with guns...Please lower the accidental kill count

"Oh," Carefully raises one finger, schusses the air "Gotta be quicker" Why am I loving this so much? This man has clearly never killed another person.

WHY THE MOUTH AND FINGER SUCKING CLOSE UP. He's licking up the trace of drugs on the table, but why was this the choice.

Wife beater+ Tighty Whittie's+ Cig+ white ROBE is amazing

Don't get too close to the balcony now babe, I know you're excited, you'll be thrown if in no time.

Did he give her his address? Why is she here? He's trying to lay low? Does he just think he needs to get laid and surely this woman won't murder his ass?

Angel stealing my actual fit. Jean button-up + blue Jeans in 90s fashion. Bastard.

Angel, sadly you aren't one of the Con characters our lead will run away with.

AHHHHHH hahahhaha that pistol whip. His dramatic fall. This fall vs ep9 OFMD is honestly a tie. Dramatic and extra as fuck.

They're both just anxious little purse dogs shaking so hard. Why? Calm down babe, you are literally holding a gun, and he's tied down in a chair.

Babe, it's been two weeks since your guy died and he's being hunted down for money. He probably doesn't remember what he had for breakfast the previous day, let alone your man.

(In the flashback for this one point)THOSE EARRINGS ARE OBNOXIOUS

Oh, good. The Beaver hair guy is back.

This is where our guy dies!

To be fair if I walked in and my target was already tied up, I'd also be very happy.

I didn't think there would be this much panting and grunting, especially from Angel.

"He's very gentle" Carefully pinches and lifts his chin. Oh, my stars. I'm clutching at my pearls. *pulls out notepad for my WIP*

I think we all deserve to be hoisted up into a bridal carry, and lovingly twirled around.

"Yeah he's lovely-" Exactly, Angel. Stop ruining the mood and get with the groove!

This is too good. Just throwing him around like a ragdoll! The dancing is a bit much, but they're having fun with it.

The two evil guys definitely explored each other's bodies. That's a proud boyfriend look if I've ever seen one.

She could be a real bud and just shoot one of them. They don't know where she is, and then Angel has an opening to attack...or not.

"you-puff" Shame on you Con, those aren't usually your lines in these kinds of movies.

And HE FLIES OVER THE RAILING-

Did they not want to kill him? Why do they look so shocked he went over the edge?

Whelp, RIP Angel, I genuinely enjoyed that. don't be surprised if this next section is shorter. (Editor Me here, oh I thought the rest of this movie would be boring...how I was wrong)

Vaguely depressed and murderous is also how I look in semi-cheap wigs.

They really did cast a good guy for a politician/'sex pest'. Looks like a few of my state's representatives.

Remember, every character in a British piece of media needs to have a name in the form of Eddie, John, Sam, or Harry.

"Well respected in 'women's' things" Why does Angel get to die and these fuckers roam rampantly.

(Helps adjust his tie) "You've hurt me Harry" Is every villain in this having a thing with their side character besides Con? Or am I just watching too many Queer movies?

OHH IT IS A GAY THING!

YEY!

I don't think slapping the head like it's a basketball is the done thing with blow jobs, but I don't have a penis. So who knows?

'Angel Farnam.' Wow. That is a name choice.

Love that he has a beard. Like, an actual beard to hide a queer relationship from the public.

TOES. EWWWWWW.

OH MY GOD. BELLY BUTTON? WHY? Fucking why? I'm more surprised seeing him finger his belly button than seeing his entire dick, which, is almost impressive for a movie to do!

How funny would it be if he died by falling down the stairs. '2/3 down, 1 to go!'

If he's not dead just fucking shoot him. I know you want info...but

ACTUALLY IF SHE JUST SHOWS UP TO PLACES AND EVERYONE DIES THAT WOULD BE AMAZING

If you look at this like you would a comedy, this movie becomes much better and more entertaining.

That isn't how putting peroxide on a wound should feel, why the fuck is he flinching over every tap?

Cold compress? It's a scrape! I'd be worried more about a concussion with a fall.

THE FUCKING TALKING WHILE THEY SET THE BED AND CLEAN IS SO FUNNY. That's the only editing in this movie that felt like it actually added something.

Why did she join in to the cleaning.

Love that he just wants to eat food when she clearly thinks they're going to fuck.

That was a gentle remote throw, don't know how it broke, 3/10.

You could have shot him almost at any time, now that a ton of people are waiting outside, you decide to care.

"Whore" "-Lying little whore" Hahahahaha. Its lame, but I love when movies do that.

(Seeing him fully bound in BDSM restraints) Look, Like What You Like, but this isn't safe with a stranger? Also, this room looks hard as shit to clean if fluids get anywhere.

If speech is a 'No No' in the dungeon there are toys for that.

"-I never panic". Angel would disagree, you panic all the fucking time. Speaking of Angel-

THE PAST

Izzy the spewer transfers across universes.

THAT ISN'T SAFE, don't reach around and try to swap drivers while driving.

Yes! Take all the drugs before you get pulled over, smart.

Their arguing is very just fucking funny. A lived weird friendship where things just keep going wrong. They're all tied into so many different criminal rings, but they found each other. This could be a prompt for a found family story.

(She took a ton of drugs because the cops are on their asses tryign to pull them over) "Do I look like I'm off my face!" "You're always off your face."

Everyone being high as shit panicking is so good. I've believed their weird friendship here more than anything else in this movie.

Love that they just kind of kidnapped this guy and now they need to deal with his corpse.

PRESENT

"Something I've always been bound up in!" Raises his hands, bound. That got a laugh out of me.

There are gags/toys for that babe, zipping up the mouth hole won't do shit.

Now that she knows all this stuff why doesn't she just shoot him

"Good Luck! God Bless!" He's fun.

At least she kept the key ring in eye sight for him.

This does play on the 'politicians are into kinky shit' thing, but eh.

She keeps on accidentally killing people. Fun.

(Weird shower scene) What the fuck? Who touches their body like that, is she getting off on this? It looks forceful and rough? What man directed this?

"I think he liked me." Sure? He liked you? Why does it matter that these people whose death you witness like you? It's not middle school, they're fucking dead.

"It was me, I was killing them. Sort of." Yes! I don't know why she only cares about them after they die.

What man directed this porn? I respect them not covering anything up I guess? I hope there's no creepy shit online where in interviews she felt like she was forced into these scenes.

The whole 'Multiple photos, that get snuffed out as they die' thing has grown on me, not going to lie.

Her removing her hat and seeing her hair fall down then lighting up a cig, to me, was more erotic than seeing her naked.

Are the 'criminal crew' all Queers? I know Angel was kind of homophobic and jerked off to lesbian porn but-

THERE'S QUEER WOMEN IN THIS? YESSSS!!!

"Lust came to the rescue?" What does that even mean? Are you planning on fucking her?

She's 40 which is still young, she's entering/in middle age. Just own any wrinkles you have, it's hot! So fucking weird that for feminine presenting people aging is seen as something awful, it shows experience! And you own a cat, and clearly have money! Live your life babe!

Her earrings are all choices in this. Those things could knock me out.

They don't film this shit for live TV, I don't know why they're so stressed about her being a few minutes late.

(Pulls bra on backward, snapping the clasp, twisting it right way round, pulling up straps and adjusting over chest) Most realistic scene of a woman putting on a bra in a movie.

Oh, to fondly be called Sweetie.

I want to be her: both of them.

Cocaine + Cigarettes + Alcohol. Uppers and Downers aren't great ideas. But she's having them.

They replaced her cause she's too old I'm guessing? Shitty.

"It wouldn't take much(to kill her)" So go do that! Why do you need a stroll to do the thing you were planning to do.

Strangulation feels like a choice you made when you have a gun.

(protagonist gets knocked out by a bottle when a criminal sees her gun) NICEE! She's been so dumb about pulling out the gun

Why is this such a Tom and Jerry routine

"Fuck you!" "All in good time" AHHHHHH. I've read this story before. We'll see how this one ends.

The PAST

Oh, my favorite crew of idiots. How did they evade the cops? They were just on their asses now they have time to pull over?

Con/Angel fireman carried that guy? Good for him!

"That's not very dignified!" "Well what do you suggest?!!""Stand him up!" They slum him over the railing. Idiots. I admire this crew of fuck ups.

Did they not check for a pulse? Like, even high most people could figure that out. If you can still drive, you can hold your finger up to someone's throat.

(Sees him slowly tip over the railing into the water) Okay, so it's kinda on them, yeah.

The PRESENT

Okay, so gun safety is to always assume a gun is loaded and safety is off. STOP WAVING IT UNDER YOUR NOSE

20? He looked mid 20s at least.

THE PAST (One of the earliest scene we see of them)

Doing drugs in a random Men's room is a choice.

Also, don't lick a public bathroom stall's TP Holder Angel, you fucking maniac.

I'm saying she wasn't invited cause they were planning to all fuck in the bathroom/do as many drugs as possible without her nose taking it all. Any other guesses?

I love Con in this so much. He's so unlike all his other characters it's just fun. Like a pissed-off high toddler that can only put a few thoughts together that arnt him being mad or horny.

"You're hair, it's so black!" "It's natural!" "Oh, Pa-lease" Angel said that last line, oh my sweet summer child, you confuse me so.

(the dead boyfriend and politician start getting handsy) No shit they had a thing going on there. They've been eye fucking every scene he's not passed out sick.

(She angles a mirror to see under a stall to watch a blowjob?) Mam, I wouldn't want to watch my friends fuck. Why are you so weird.

ANGEL 'COCK BLOCK' TO THE RESCUE. Look at that grin, he knew.

"I need some more(cocaine)." "Love? Affection? Punishment?" Sir, I have a whole discord full of Izzy Hands fans you can suggest ideas to. "I'll take the whole fucking lot." SIR!

Ohhh her boyfriend would entrap 'famous' queer people, take photos, and then blackmail/extort them. He deserved to die then, no sweat off their backs. (Also, how does evil lady know all this to tell our protagonist? Is she extorting Patrick now?)

Present

Okay, this is my 4th time seeing this woman naked. Why?

(Protag is tied down and evil lady whispered in her ear)This is...a scene.

Gross forced kiss. I had more fun when this was semi-playful banter but now its just sexual assault. Gross, director.

Mam, you didn't bring that many bullets. Why are you just shooting random shit.

She just leaves her alive?

Aww, I wanted her to kill him(the other extorting friend). If anything he also kind of deserves some of the blame.

Well, this whole plot was kind of for nothing. She got closer to the real plot and was able to realize how shitty her boyfriend was. If he was 20 then she's got to be close to that age. She has plenty of life to move on from this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Story: 5/10 Shit. No character in this movie had agency/impacted the plot. Everything was accidental. All the ways they were doomed weren't purposefully set up by the main protagonists.

She didn't actively plan for these deaths so they feel hollow. Angel sure, he was tied down by her, but he lives on the nth story, so in the 30-ish minutes he could have left he likely wouldn't have. He assumed it was safe. The politician was an accident, and the media lady still would have gotten replaced.

In OFMD it's fun when Stede Bonnet accidentally kills because we care about him. We know he doesn't mean to do this and it plays on the murderous pirate trope. In this movie, we only know she's hunting down her boyfriend's murders. That's all we know about her! One hour, and thirty minutes, she had no development.

This would be such a fun premise. A woman accidentally interrupts a crime 'friend' group and watches them fall apart. Yet they make it gross and weirdly give no one agency in this whole story.

I want to write this movie better. This premise could be rewritten for a fanfic...hmm....

Editing/Cinematography: 5/10 Keeping it out of chronological order ruined the movie. Some shit really bothered me. A director is a man who has only done other projects to this level. He also wrote this shit, so every gratuitously extra scene of our main actress naked was all on him. He wanted to see her fondle herself and oh boy did he get it.

Every scene of this nature just felt uncomfortable, and putting that forced kiss in at the end just adds to that. He's a perv who thought it was hot. The main actress's dead fish eyes during just added to the awful feeling I got. Sure, we got a 'blowjob' scene, but nothing was super explicit other than it happening. Sexual 'deviancy' felt like something to be ogled at in this movie. The straight/pure 'good' main character had to do away with these sinful yatta yatta, you've heard it all before. I can make this 1:30 minute movie into an hour movie if I cut it.

I wish we cared more about Angel getting caught by the men he owed money too. About Harry getting publicly outed and dumped. About Andrea getting replaced in her tv show. But we just don't. It just kind of happens.

Imagine if we told the backstory of her boyfriend's murder first. Then our main character shows up 20 minutes in, without knowing what the audience knew, to hunt them down! That would be so much more fun! And gives us a reason to care! I enjoyed the flashbacks in this movie and not much else.

There's a good movie in here, it just needs to be re-edited.

Every character besides Con: 6-7/10 I liked how fucked up everyone was, and most of my issues are with the writing. They acted with what they had, and they had shit. Somehow our 3 criminals come off as a weird trio accidentally, just through chemistry. I wanted a movie about them. The spare characters just seemed to try to have fun beside our protagonist. She did the whole dead eyes, getting justice thing. In the end, it didn't even fulfill her. Finding the truth did, not assisting in their downfalls.

Con! 6-7/10 Loved it: Once I accepted he was playing a goofy junkie, I was having a good time. The scene where she saves him after the interrogation was weird. It put me off his character for a few scenes. He was into her and tried to make a move, she told him he needed protection, and that whole story line was just dropped. WHY!

FLASHBACK ANGEL WAS FUN. I don't know the order they shot this, but currently, Angel felt like an always high junkie. Flashback Angel felt like the shitty friend who bullies the friend group and doesn't contribute to anything. When they fall apart he's panicking and loses all bravado. He's fun. I don't think I've seen a bad performance from him. The plot and writing just dragged it all down.

OVERALL: 5-6/10 Writing can kill a movie, and it murdered this one. Definitely the worst of the bunch so far. I enjoyed it, but in a 'cant look away sort of way', it was very fun to watch and just see the action unfold. So do with that what you will.

I'd recommend this movie if you're here for Con. If I wanted to watch this plot again, I'd just watch Vengeance Is Mine. Low B tier overall for movie+Con. Just above the projects where he has almost no time.

Looking at IMDB he did this after Dancing Thru the Dark and the same year as Scarborough Ahoy. How the ever loving fuck?

I would love to hear everyone's thoughts down below, including the usual suspects!

@mossiestpiglet @ivegotnonameidea @treesofgreen

Have an amazing day y'all!

[chercornersppl]

Writing Practice

Hii it's my first time writing anything on here so I'll appreciate some feedback or anything you'd see fit <3 This is basically a part 1 or cliff hanger sort of thing? If I get some motivation I'll prolly write up a part 2.

I used this writing prompt <3

"It's worthless. Junk."

"If people are willing to kill for it, it's got to be valuable."

"Not if we're both dead before we can find a buyer in the city."

"Who said anything about 'we?' "

"Dallas... What do you mean?"

Kat's hand shot up in tandem with her fingers closing around his grimy sleeve. Her eyes welled up with tears remaining unshed, as they always do. She couldn't be weak, or afford to loose water. Her bottom lip trembled in the most minute frequency as her mind began to inundate itself in visions of the past. The past when perhaps they were happy. Or ignorant.

"Dallas you're- You're not going to-"

"I am," he cut her off with a somber expression coating his once carefree, joyful and exuberant profile. As if he was remembering the scuffle he had gotten into to retrieve the scrap.

"You can't survive out there alone! They're going to find and get you Dallas!" Kat argued, her vice like grip tightening around his elbow.

"No they won't, I'm stealthy. Besides, they want you, not me. Going out there in the Square would mean death for you, not me. I can survive, Kat," Dallas retorted, still looking at the intricate cut of metal debris and dragging his finger along the metal nooks and crannies of the nauseating yet graceful curls of stem and vine.

"They know you're with me, Dallas. They'll kill you! Or... Or use you to get to me!" Kat said with a palpable anxious edge to her voice, "They won't rest till they get me, and I'm safe right here in the Outpost we can't leave I don't want you to-"

Dallas pressed his hand to her mouth. "Please," he said in a tone mixing exasperation and humour, "be quiet."

She was stunned into silence for a fraction of a second before she tore his hand away, spitting and sputtering like an old car, "Dallas Hayes I have told you not to do that! It's enough that we're grimy from the scrap heap and now you've put it all over my mouth!"

"We wouldn't need to go to the scrap heap if you'd just let me... Go into the city for a day. Just one day, Katarina Lillian Adler is that too much to ask?" He was quick to shoot back, using her own full name tactic against her. Just like he always did. "This pretty thing would catch a fortune! You don't understand, the Outpost folk won't pay a dime for it but the city folks will. What use would they have for it? It weighs quite a bit, doesn't it? Perhaps its some metal worth selling! That hermit was awfully keen on getting it... Kat, I can get us out of poverty just trust me!"

Kat's hold grew tighter still.

"Come on.. Don't you trust me, Kit-Kat?"

Kat's grip stayed tight, so much so that her knuckles went white and her hand trembled.

"Then I'm going. With or without your approval."

[vivacoded]

October 2, 2023

Current Mood: fine, a little anxious

Day Rating: 5/10

Another day doing online college... Or so I thought. That makes it sound like I spent the day on some thrilling adventure, but really I just didn't have any work to do. I had the whole house to myself like I usually do on weekdays, so I spent today just lounging around at my kitchen table with my dog.

I feel bad for her though lmao. The kitchen window was open so we could hear all the birds tweeting outside, but I had a song stuck in my head. The Song with Five Names, a​.​k​.​a. Soapbox Tao, a​.​k​.​a. Checkmate Atheists! a​.​k​.​a. Neospace Government, a​.​k​.​a. You Can Never Know by Will Wood to be exact. Say that 10 times fast. See, when I have a song stuck in my head, I can't just listen to it once. Not twice. Not even three times. I have to listen to it over and over and over and overandoverandoverandoverandover again on repeat until I'm satisfied. I think that's a form of stimming. Lately I've been having one Will Wood song stuck in my head per day. I wouldn't be surprised if he's the only artist that shows up in my Spotify Wrapped. Anyways, back to my dog, poor girl just wanted to rest her old bones and take a nap, but here I am blasting some evil jazz on repeat because I can't function otherwise. Or maybe she's used to it by now :P

Later today, after dinner to be exact, my mom took me out driving again. I've only ever driven in parking lots, so she wanted me to get at least some experience on the road before I meet with my instructor on Wednesday (which, by the way, I found out there's no female instructors at that school. Being in a car with some random man? Yuck!) The original plan was just to drive around the block, but I eventually wanted to practice some more since I felt like I was getting the hang of things.

I drove around the whole town for a while, which wasn't really a lot since I live in a small town, and I eventually got the courage to drive on a real road. I didn't drive on the real road too much, to be fair, but it was still my first time actually being on one. It was a little scary, but there weren't many cars out this evening. The most aggravating part was waiting for cars to pass so I could actually turn onto the road.

Tomorrow, my mom wants me to take on more populated roads. Nothing big, just in the next town over. She specifically wants me to go to this store, and it makes me wonder if it's just an excuse to take her out shopping lmao.

Oh! I drove by some houses in my town that are already decorated for Halloween. There was one house in the very back road that did an excellent job utilizing the small yard they had to strategically place props. There didn't seem to be any specific theme, but I'm not complaining. All the stuff they had put out there was awesome. I'm going to go window shopping for Halloween props and decorations later this month, so maybe I can find where those people got their stuff from. People always hype up Spirit Halloween, but other stores like Party City and Home Depot have really cool things too. Sometimes they're even better!

I hope when I'm living on my own, I'll be able to make enough money where I can buy cool Halloween props too. Hell, I'd keep a couple in my house all year long if they fit my decorations. Man, if I had money, I'd be so cool. I hate that I need money in order to express myself and be happy, but I also want money so bad. The world is tough like that, I suppose.

Another diary entry where I rambled a lot about an uneventful day. I wonder what will happen when I have an eventful day. I might end up writing a novel lmao. Not that it matters. This is my corner of the internet. It's possible that no one will even read these entries anyways. Just me and my own thoughts. Marking my existence on the internet so I won't be forgotten.

[angelbluediary]

Today, I can't help but marvel at all my past experiences. At all my triumphs and lows. All the building blocks.

I didn't realize just how good I had it early last year, when rent was completely covered by the easiest copy editing job in the world. And it was part-time! I still had all my freedom. I took it for granted, thinking I could do so much better without it. Now all I can find are more demanding editing jobs that pay pennies per page (nice alliteration, me). And I have to seriously consider them. I just need... something. I am worried, but I'm not despairing. I know this is temporary. And I know I still have lots more effort to give. I know I'll end up where I need to be. Beating myself up over "wasting" the last year won't get me anywhere. I did what I thought I had to do, just like always, and I'm proud of myself for sticking to my convictions through it all. It's time to emerge from this poverty phase.

I'm marveling at my college self, who woke up early, put herself in the public eye every single day, wrote multiple essays and assignments per week, and grew alongside her peers. The me who traveled to new states and big conferences. I did all that! The same anxious me who struggles to leave my apartment. I also had an interesting reality check when I realized that so much of the things I feel excluded from, are things I've already experienced. I was watching a movie with my family last night and it took place in this huge, amazing nightclub, and my typical envy bubbled to the surface. It's hard to shut that voice up when it whispers resentment over not getting to go to clubs like that, not getting to have fun the way movie characters do. But I have been to nightclubs. I've been to drag shows, I've been to fetish parties, I've been to places that are promoted as the best of the best where I live, and I was unimpressed but I danced and flirted and was bought drinks and got numbers. That was my experience. And now I'm a single girl who doesn't date, who stays home all the time, but in the past I was a wild child heartbreaker who hooked up with guys on dark streets and by the playground in the middle of the night; I was the girl who interrupted lovemaking in a car to wipe away steam from the windows and stare in awe at the deer that had appeared nearby. I have haunted the streets of New York City and shared joints with eccentric strangers in a hidden Brooklyn art gallery; I swam in my underwear in a big pool in a big fancy house filled with too many liquor bottles to count. I lounged in the Hamptons. I drank strawberry wine in San Antonio. I bought streetside churros in NYC and entered an elevator with top media journalists who remarked that they looked good. And I just forget about these things because they weren't all that remarkable, just moments in time. They didn't alter my personality or lifestyle. So why do I always feel like I could be different and "better" if I'd had more room to party, more spectacular venues to dance in?

And for all the heartache of not having a strong, consistent friend group, maybe I can find comfort in the little moments here and there. Getting ready to perform at football games in my high school best friend's room, with cases of makeup covering the floor. Belting Taylor Swift in the car with another grad student. Watching the sun rise over the ocean with a friendly group of people I wanted to be closer to. Icing my ass after the first kink party as we laughed (or complained) about the night back in our AirBnB. So many more moments I discount because they don't fit the narrative I've wanted, but they were real, they all happened. I shared space and feelings and memories with all these different people. And that's worth remembering, worth celebrating. I have every right to feel tired after the year I've endured, but I'm seeing now that happiness is just a series of small choices made every single day. Choosing again, and again, and again to think positively. Happiness as a force I deliberately uphold and nurture, not something that is magically bestowed upon me. Yes, it is possible to be melancholy and deeply joyful at the same time, just like any other contradiction I am: slutty and celibate, ancient and modern, romantic and pragmatic. I am endless and flowing. I pray that I will have the money to pay April rent on time. I pray that I receive job offers that uplift and support me, not just financially, but mentally and emotionally. I pray that Ginger and I continue to be healthy. I pray that my car stays okay and doesn't need any urgent work anytime soon. I pray that everything works out for the greatest good. I pray that all blockages and doubts keeping me from my desired outcome are removed swiftly, so that abundance can come pouring in and change my life.

[softspaceboibrian]

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy || Chapter 4 || Eddie Munson

Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Y/N Henderson || I used she/her pronouns, but there is no actual physical description, so the pronouns can be switched with whatever anyone wants or prefers!

Summary: he is realising he is actually falling in love. and she's just her normal anxious self.

Warnings: talk of trauma, anxiety, nightmares, overthinking, and a car accident (not in detail). swear words; mutual pining; Steve being a douche, again, but then also Steve being the cutest, overprotective bff; fluff and bad writing.

WC: 6071 (and we're back to not being able to know where to stop while writing)

A/N: Once again, thank you everyone for the love and support! it really makes me feel special and appreciated! this story as become particularly important to me, and I really hope I can continue writing it for a long time! Another thing that I wrote in the post with the preview: Y/N's trauma is linked to her father. Since we know nothing about Mr Handerson from the series, I took the liberty to write my own version, and I always thought he had died, and that was why Mrs Henderson has kept her husband's last name. I hope this won't be a problem for anyone.

Taglist: @263adder @criminalyetminimal @christina-gg22 @beautyandthenovels @ssqra @yournan69 @lovesleepybearwriter @phantomxoxo @mushywutty @authorlovers @sxwyxr @jessyballet @carebearsofie @zanmorgan @quartz-queer [if you want to be added to the taglist, let me know!!]

Disclaimer: this gif has nothing to do with the chapter, it just fit with the time frame and I love it so much, I wouldn't have known when to use it otherwise lol &lt;3

“Darling, your friends are waiting for you.” Y/N’s mother said, peaking behind her bedroom door, as a car was honking insistently outside of her house.

She huffed. “I know, mom. I can hear them.” She finished tying her shoelaces and got up from the bed, picking up her backpack and making her way outside. “Oh, by the way, tonight I’m at the basketball final. Robin is playing with the band, so I’m going there as moral support.”

“No worries, I’ll see you when you get home.” Her mom gave her a quick kiss on her cheek, brushing a few rogue strands of hair out of her face. Y/N hated when her mom did it, but also found it endearing. Afterall, it was her way of taking care of her, and, well, she didn’t allow her to do much else for her, so she let her do that. “Say Robin ‘good luck’ from me, will you?”

“Sure, mom!” She yelled, already making her way out of the door, not before grabbing a slice of toasted bread from the table. She ran outside and into Steve’s car, the piece of bread hanging from her mouth as she put her bag on the seat next to hers. “Sorry, guys.”

“It’s okay, just…” Steve turned around and handed her a tissue. “Don’t get crumbs inside the car, I had it washed yesterday.”

With a confused look on her face, Y/N moved her eyes between Steve and Robin. “He has a date tonight.” Robin explained, looking at her through the vanity mirror, as she put on her mascara.

“What? I thought we were going to go cheer on Robin!”

“I am! I’m just going to take a someone with me. You know just in case you were taking your boyfriend…”

Y/N didn’t need to look at Steve in the face to know he was mad. He obviously still wasn’t over her date with Eddie from the day before. “He is not my boyfriend.” She sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Not yet!” Robin chuckled, winking at her. Thanks, dude, for the support, but you’re not helping right now.

“And he’s got Hellfire Club tonight, so he wouldn’t have been available nonetheless.” She raised her shoulders, leaning back on the seat. Steve’s car felt nothing like Eddie’s. Eddie’s van was tall, with dark leather seats that almost hugged her and begged her not to leave. Steve’s, on the other hand, was low, so low that she hit her head at least 40% of the times she tried to get in or out, and the polyester seats weren’t exactly the most inviting. A part of her, a big part of her almost wished she had accepted Eddie’s offer from the prior night.

“You know, my offer still stands” Eddie smiled, holding her hand in his and gently playing with her fingers.

“Which offer?” Y/N’s back was pressed against the leather of the back of the passenger seat. They had been parked in front of her house for almost 40 minutes at that point, neither of them really wanting to let the other go.

“I could drive you to school, if you wanted to.” He wouldn’t look up, but she could tell his cheeks were turning slightly red.

Y/N bit her lip, trying to keep a smile from exploding on her face. “You know I would love that, I have already told you, but…”

“It’s late and you have no way of telling Harrington not to come and pick you up without waking up his entire household or having him yell at you because he hates me and he thinks I would do things to you.” Eddie was disappointed. And she could hear her own heart breaking at that sight.

“But, on Saturday, we can spend the entire day together.” She squeezed his hand, trying to gain his attention. “We could stay in at my place, or at yours – we can decide tomorrow.” She smiled. “We can watch a movie, we can order pizzas, we can write the story for Hellfire.” She moved closer to him, placing a hand on his cheek. And only then she realised how soft his skin was, despite the shy stubble making its way on his face. And warm. His skin was warm. “You could even teach me how to play D&D or guitar, if that’s something you’d like.”

He finally looked up. And when their eyes met, a bashful smile appeared on his lips. Y/N fought with all of her body and all of her will the urge to jump on him and kiss him. “I would love that.” Eddie’s voice came out almost like a whisper, as if he didn’t want to wake up an invisible person laying on the backseat.

“So, his stupid club is more important to him than to spend time with you? Wow, Y/N, you found yourself the perfect man.” Y/N hated Steve’s sarcasm, especially when it was directed towards her.

“Dustin and Mike are also part of the club.” Y/N raised her voice.

“And they’re 14! Munson is like 20! And he still plays that stupid game!”

Y/N was on the verge of exploding, but luckily, Robin stepped in right at the exact moment. “Guys, can we please talk about something else for a moment? It is 7 in the morning, we have this stupid pep rally, and I woke up looking like a total corpse!”

“Oh, you’re worried about a basketball pep rally? You expect us to believe that?” Steve said, sarcastically.

“Yeah, so?” Robin acted as if the two sitting in the car with her weren’t her best friends.

“So, we all know what this is about, okay? We’re not going to buy that bullshit. This is about Vickie!” Y/N moved to the edge of the seat, trying to get as close to the other two as possible.

“Absolutely not!”

“Yes, it is!” Steve and Y/N exclaimed in unison.

“And you know what else I think?”

“I really don’t care what-” Robin tried to stop Steve from talking, but they all knew that when he started, he was like a train, and there was no way of stopping him.

“I think you gotta stop pretending to be someone else when you’re around her. Okay? You just gotta be yourself.”

“You’re literally quoting me to me. You do realise that?”

“Well maybe you need to listen to yourself! You ever think about that, smarty pants? I listened to you, and now look at me. Boom, back in business!” Y/N couldn’t help but smile at that interaction. It was moments like that which reminded her why she loved Steve.

“It’s not the same thing. And you know that. You ask out a girl and she says no. Big deal. Nothing happens. Maybe your ego’s a little bruised. But I ask out the wrong girl and, bam, I’m a town pariah.” Robin wasn’t wrong. Outside of the three of them, no one really knew about Robin’s sexuality, or hers, for that matter. When it was just the three of them, it came easy to talk about it, maybe to even joke about it. But they all knew that other people wouldn’t be so accepting if they found out. So, Robin had every right to not agree with Steve.

“Yeah, I’d buy that, except Vickie is definitely not the wrong girl.”

“We just don’t know that; do we?”

“She returned Fast Times paused at 53 minutes, 5 seconds. Do you know who pauses Fast Times at 53 minutes, 5 seconds?” Steve moved his eyes between Robin, Y/N’s reflection in the rear-view mirror and the road. “People who likes boobies, Robin!”

“Ew, gross. Don’t say boobies!” Robin exclaimed, mimicking a disgusted face.

“Not a big deal, okay? I like boobies, you like boobies, Y/N also likes boobies sometimes, right?” Y/N chuckled, nodding. “Vickie likes boobies. Definitely!”

Robin continued shaking her head, constantly repeating that it wasn’t a good idea, that they weren’t sure about that. “I know, Roro.” Y/N put a hand on Robin’s shoulder. Roro was how she had started calling her for fun the first summer after they’d met. At first, Robin hated it. But then it started to grow on her, and it had eventually become her nickname. No one except for Y/N could use it. “But, as much as I understand your fear, Steve is not completely wrong.”

“Did you just say you agree with me?!” Steve put a hand on his chest, pretending to be completely surprised.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Harrington.” Y/N stuck out her tongue, then immediately returning her attention to her best friend. “If you really like Vickie, you could try and hint to her that you may be interested.”

“And how would I do that? You know I’m not good at flirting!” She exclaimed.

“Nor am I.” She sat back on the seat. “But he is, apparently.”

They both turned their heads towards Steve, and he smiled. “I’m better at something than both of you!” He said triumphantly, and Y/N didn’t want to blow out his flame, so she just let him be himself and gloat for a moment.

The rest of the ride was spent with Steve trying to teach Robin “tactics” on how to flirt with someone without making it seem obvious, but Y/N couldn’t care less about learning how to flirt. She just wanted to get to school as soon as possible, hoping to see him before class. So, as soon as they stopped in front of the main entrance, Y/N quickly bid Steve goodbye, before grabbing Robin by the hand and pulling her inside the building.

“Do we have somewhere to be?” Robin asked cluelessly.

“No, I just… I want to get to class quickly. I didn’t have time to finish my homework yesterday.” That last part came out almost like a whisper, and Y/N hoped her friends didn’t catch that, but she hoped in vain.

“You didn’t do your homework!?” Robin stopped in the middle of the corridor, looking at her, unable to hide the smile creeping on her lips. “Is it because of Eddie?” She smirked, wiggling her eyebrows up and down, or at least trying. Yeah, she wasn’t exactly the most coordinate person ever.

“I did do them! I just didn’t finish them…” Y/N grabbed once again her friend’s hand, starting to walk again. “And yes, it’s because of Eddie…” She tried to hide her blushing cheeks, but nothing escaped Robin’s radar.

“I knew it!” She laughed, doing a little dance that caught a few people’s attention. “How did it go? Tell me everything. I need to know if I was a good matchmaker.”

Y/N chuckled and shook her head, but told her about the date, nonetheless. She told her about the ride to his trailer, how he had tried making her feel as comfortable as possible; she told her about him holding her hand multiple times. She told her about him playing his guitar for her and him suggesting to learn how to play a song for her.

“Then it must be love!” Robin brought her hands together in front of her chest, as if she were a character out of one of those romantic comedies from the 50s or something.

“Shut up.” She laughed, giving her a gentle push with her shoulder. However, when their lockers finally came into view, Y/N froze on the spot, the hand that was holding onto her backpack’s strap tightening its grip.

“I’m just saying, I’m a great Cupid.” Robin chucked, and turned to look at her, but it was only then that she realise she had stopped walking a few meters back. “What are you doing?” She asked, trying to follow her gaze. But when she finally realise where she was looking, or rather who she was looking at, she smiled. “Prince Charming is waiting for you, dearie.” She linked their arms together and pulled her towards their lockers.

Eddie. She didn’t know why she had reacted like that, especially after spending a good part of her morning wishing to see him as soon as possible, or after having spent a good part of the night awake thinking back at the previous evening spent together, thinking about every word they had said to each other, his hand on her waists, him laying a few inches away from her, his hands, his fucking hands on that fucking guitar. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was the reason she froze when she saw him. She had spent the night fantasising about him touching her – not sexually, just touching her – his warm, calloused hands with all those cold metal rings on her cheeks, on her arms, holding her own hands. And now that they were there, together again, she didn’t know what to expect, she couldn’t predict what he was going to do.

“Munson! Fancy seeing you here!” Robin said, making their presence known not only to Eddie but to half of the people in the corridor.

Eddie looked up from whatever he was holding in his hands and smiled as soon as he met her eyes. Was he reading a book? Fuck me. “Ladies.” He slightly bowed his head, moving to the side to let them get to their lockers.  

“Thank you, sir.” Robin replied, immediately fiddling with her own padlock.

Y/N walked to her locker in silence, with a shy smile on her face, but still unable to look at him in the eyes. “Hey.” She said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

“Hey, princess.” He smiled; a smile so big and bright that made her heart dance. She couldn’t deny the fact that she loved when he called her that, princess. It made her feel special. However, her heart stopped beating altogether for a few moments when she felt his arms around her. “I’ve missed you.” He whispered, so softly that only she could have heard him.

Needless to say, that not only her cheeks turned bright red, but so did her ears and neck, which luckily were hidden inside Eddie’s embrace. She raised her arms and wrapped them around his torso, burying her face in the space at the base of the neck, where it meets with the shoulder. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. Fuck, she loved that mixture of smoke, aftershave and leather. “I’ve missed you too.” She whispered against his skin, and could feel shivers travel down the man’s body.

That hug, which felt like it lasted forever and nothing all at once, eventually ended, and they both took a step back. Y/N tried to play it cool, as if that was completely normal and she didn’t feel weak in the knees, but when she turned to look at her best friend, she found her smirking and, once again, trying to wiggle her eyebrows up and down. Y/N wasn’t sure if she wanted to die right there or run away. But she didn’t do neither of them. She simply took a deep breath and opened her locker.

“So, Buckley, I hear you’re playing at tonight’s basketball game.” Eddie tried to make conversation with the other girl, as Y/N collected her stuff from the locker. However, when she briefly glanced at him, he was now leaning with a shoulder against the lockers, ankles crossed, arms crossed in front of his chest, and he was still holding a book in his hand. Fuck.

“Ehm, yeah. Being part of the band means cheering on the school’s teams at sport events.” She said. “I didn’t really realise that when I first signed up for band, though.”

“What did you think you would do?” Eddie looked at her, a mixture of confusion and amusement on his face.

“I don’t know, I just wanted to play an instrument.”

However, Y/N couldn’t help but keeping glancing at Eddie, trying to figure out what he was reading. It wasn’t King, because she knew he had already read every book he had published up until that moment, and she knew it wasn’t one of those she had suggested to him because she still had to take them to him. So, what was he reading?

“Princess?” Y/N was brought back to reality by his voice calling out for her. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, perfectly fine.” She smiled, closing her locker, frustrated by the fact that she still wasn’t able to read the title of the book. She needed to know. For… research purposes…

“Want to eat together during lunch break?” He tilted his head slightly to the side, studying her figure. It didn’t take him long to realise she was curious about his new book. But he wasn’t going to just show it to her, not yet at least.

She looked up to meet his eyes. “I would love to, you know that. But, as I already told you yesterday, Fridays during lunch break I have my sessions with Ms. Kelly.”

“Right, sorry.” He couldn’t help but smile when he noticed her eyes travelling back to the book. So, he took it as a game, and moved it under his arm, tilted just enough so that she could barely make out the name of the author on the spine. “This means that I won’t be seeing you until tomorrow then.”

Finally, she gave up, and moved her eyes to meet his. “Yeah… but we have big plans for tomorrow, right?”

“Oh yeah!” He smiled. “Buckley, did you know that tomorrow Y/N is starting her guitar lessons?”

Robin’s eyes widened. “What, really? With whom?”

“With me.” Eddie said proudly, and Robin couldn’t help but smirk. Again.

Sadly, that moment was interrupted by the ring of the bell echoing down the hallway, and warning everyone that the first period was about to start. Robin quickly bid goodbye to the two of them, running to her own first class, leaving them alone for a few last moments. Y/N looked at him in silence, with a soft smile on her lips. She didn’t want him to go. She wanted to stay there and talk with him. She wanted to sit on the floor, backs against the cold lockers, maybe her head on his shoulders, and him playing with her fingers like he did the night before in the car, when neither of them wanted to leave to go to bed. But if the previous night they could stay there, together, past her curfew, now they had to go to class. Y/N opened her mouth, as if she was going to say something, but no word came out.

So, Eddie took a step towards her, leaned forward and left a soft, warm kiss on her cheeks. His lips lingered there, on the side of her face, for a few seconds, moving towards her ear. “The book I’m read, it’s Howl’s Moving Castle.” He whispered with a smirk. When he pulled away, he saw her surprised look and couldn’t help but be proud of himself. “You like it, and my uncle had brought it home last week for some reason, so I thought I would give it a try.” He knew she was trying to keep herself from smiling. “So far I’m really liking it.” He winked.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck me. That was fucking hot. Just the idea of him reading in general was hot. But him reading a book just because she had told him she had liked it? That was too much for her. Definitely too much. Fuck. “I’m happy.” She smiled, forcing herself to keep calm and not just throw herself at him.

“Maybe tomorrow you’ll read a few pages to me.” He smiled. And that was it. That was the moment she realised there was no turning back. She was head over heels for him and there was nothing anyone could say or do to make her change her mind. “Now I have to run, tough.”

“Ye-yeah, sure.” She shook her head, trying to come back to reality completely. “Have a nice day.” She smiled, putting her books in the backpack and closing it, before placing it back on her shoulder. “Oh, and I hope you have a great final meeting tonight at Hellfire!” She exclaimed.

He knew Dustin had probably reminded her that tonight it was going to be the final chapter of their campaign, but the fact that she remembered that just made him go crazy. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to push her against her locker and kiss her. But he couldn’t. He wanted. But he couldn’t. “Yeah. Maybe I’ll call you when I get home and I’ll tell you about it.”

“Can’t wait.” She smiled. And he knew he had to go or else he would be late for biology, again. But he just wanted to stay there with her. “Okay, now we really have to go.” She laughed. He expected her to turn and walk away. Simple as that. But she didn’t. Instead, she pushed herself on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his cheek. “Bye.” She whispered, before actually turning around and walking to class.

Bye. The word never left Eddie’s lips, too lost in that warm sensation left behind by her lips pressed on his skin, to actually realise whether he had actually spoken the word or not. Fuck. He was falling in love with her.

When the bell that signalled the beginning of lunch break rang, everyone ran out into the corridors, jumping around, talking with their friends. And who could blame them? Not only it was Friday, but it was the last school day before spring break, which meant it was only a few hours left before an entire 10-day vacation. So, it was only right for them to be happy. However, Y/N wasn’t as happy as everyone else at the moment. She sighed, putting back her books in her backpack, then walked out of the classroom and made her way to Ms. Kelly’s office. She dreaded that moment. She hated going to sessions, especially there at school. She knew people were watching her every time she went into the office, and she knew people were also talking, because, as much as she had tried to keep it a secret, some people found out what had happened, nonetheless. But that’s the problem with living in a small town like Hawkins, right? Everyone eventually finds out. So, keeping her head low, Y/N reached the school’s councillor’s office and knocked, waiting for the signal to enter.

“Come in, Y/N” Ms. Kelly was kind as always, something she almost couldn’t stand anymore. “Take a seat.” The woman said as she took out her folder and a pen. “Tell me, how are you?”

Y/N let her backpack fall to the ground, before sinking into the chair right across from the woman. “’m good.” She wasn’t a fan of questions like this. What did she expect? That she would just blurt out everything that was on her mind? Did she actually remember why she was there?

“How have you been sleeping lately? Have you had any nightmare?” The woman asked as she took note of something on a paper. She hated when she took notes.

“Nope, no nightmares.” Her answers were cold.

Mr. Kelly looked up from what she was writing to look at her. “No nightmares because you’ve been sleeping well or no nightmares because you haven’t been sleeping at all?” Y/N sighed. It was obvious that the answer was that she hadn’t been sleeping, only taking power naps every now and then, but never really allowing herself to fully relax. “You know it’s not good for your health. You have to sleep.”

“If I sleep, I dream of that. Every time I fall asleep, I see the accident.” She started bouncing her leg. “Everyone blames me for the accident.” Her hands were now closed into tight fists. “It’s my fault if he’s dead. Everyone thinks that. And I can’t stand the memory.”

“No one blames you for your father’s death, and you know that.” Ms Kelly finally put down the pen she was holding in her hand. “That car came out of nowhere.”

“But I was there with him!” Y/N screamed, and she didn’t care if people in the hallway could hear. “I wanted to sing with him, and he got distracted.” Her eyes were now glossy, tears threatening to spill out. “He died. And I’m still here. Why?” Her voice broke.

“The car was hit on the driver’s side.”

“If I hadn’t insisted on singing that stupid song, he might still be here.”

“We don’t know that.”

“Yes, we do. He would have had enough time to notice the other car and he could have hit the brakes in time.” A tear rolled down her cheek, but she immediately stopped it. “It’s my fault.”

“Y/N, we have talked about this. It’s not your fault. And no one is blaming you for it.” Ms. Kelly sighed, getting up from her chair to move closer to her. “You have a wonderful family that loves you, and that is doing everything in their power to help you overcome this trauma. And you have friends, friends who love you and care for you.”

“What if my friends stay with me only because they pity me?” That was probably one of her biggest fears: people not being real with her. She loved her friends and her family; they were her strength. However, she couldn’t help but wonder if they actually felt the same about her.

“Have you ever tried talking to them about it? Have you ever tried asking them?”

“I’m not going to ask them, it’s stupid. They would just realise how fragile I really am and will want to leave me.” She kept her eyes fixed on her own shoes, not sure she wanted to look at the woman in the eyes.

Ms Kelly returned to her seat on the other side of the desk. “That’s the thing with friends: if they really love you, you can be vulnerable in front of them, and they will never judge you.” Y/N’s leg kept bouncing uncontrollably. But she knew the woman was right. She had read about it, and she had wrote about it. Robin came out to her and told her about her family problems. Steve had done the same. And no one had judged them. Why couldn’t she do the same? Why couldn’t she just tell them everything that was on her mind? Tell them about her fears, about how she felt about the accident? It was stupid. They would obviously look at her differently afterwards.

“You said you feel good. Is that true?” Ms Kelly’s voice interrupted her stream of consciousness.

Y/N eventually looked up, meeting briefly the woman’s eyes, only to move them immediately on the picture on the wall behind her. “Yes, in the last couple of days I’ve felt good.”

“Any reason in particular?”

There were two options now: she could either stay quiet and say a simple ‘no’, or she could tell the truth. She took a deep breath. “I’ve made a new friend.”

“That’s good, Y/N. Very good.” She could see in the corner of her eye the woman opening once again her folder and picking the pen back up. “Are they from school?”

“Yes. But I’m not going to tell you who they are.”

Ms Kelly chuckled under her breath, shaking her head. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to ask you. I just wanted to know if they are friends that you hang out with only at school, or someone that you can spend time with outside of school.”

Images from the previous evening popped into her mind, and she could feel her entire body start relaxing. It was only then, with the image of Eddie in her mind to calm her down, that she realised she was still squeezing her fists, so tight actually that she could now feel her palms burning where her nails pressed into her skin. She let go and licked her dry lips, hoping to bring back some hydration. “We hang out.” She said quietly. “We have plans for tomorrow, actually.”

“That is wonderful, Y/N.” She could feel the woman smiling. “Maybe this new friend will help you take a step forward.”

“Yeah, maybe.” A shy smile appeared on her lips, and she was glad the woman was too busy writing away to notice it.

Thankfully, the session didn’t last much longer, and soon she was free to go back to being her own anxious self, without someone studying her and taking note of her every move or word. She glanced at the clock on the wall, hoping to have enough time to go to the cafeteria and maybe say hi to Eddie and Dustin. But she didn’t even manage to take a few steps to get closer to the clock that the infamous bell rang and the hallway was once again flooded with the river of students rushing to their next class.

The rest of the day went by quite calmly; the teachers gave them a bunch of homework, as if they expected everyone to not go out and have fun during spring break to do them. Soon enough, the last bell  of the day rang and she met outside with Steve and some girl, whose name she couldn’t really care about because, if she knew one thing, it was that whoever that was, she wasn’t going to last, especially given the fact that Steve was obviously still in love with Nancy Wheeler. But that was a talk for another day. Now they were there for Robin and Robin only, to support her and cheer on her. Yes, people would normally go to a basketball game to support their school, but Y/N didn’t really care about that, or the school in general. Being academic didn’t mean she had to like her own school. However, she did care about her best friend, and that was what was important.

Once she had enough of Steve’s flirting, she was lucky enough to sneak away and get a seat next to Robin, where they could talk without having to hear some random girl asking stupid questions or laughing without reason. Why Steve enjoyed going on dates with such dull people she would never understand, but she was never going to be the one to bring it to his attention. Not for now, at least.

Luckily, the end of the game came sooner than she could have hoped for, and Steve drove her home immediately after. “I have a terrible headache, Steve!” She lied. She just wanted to go home.

“Well, that’s what you get for sitting among the band.” He sighed, keeping his eyes on the road.

Sitting there, in the car, just the two of them, she couldn’t believe he had actually left his date to take her home. “You know I don’t hate you, right?” The words came out of her mouth without any warning.

Steve stayed quiet for a moment, biting down on his lip. Things between them hadn’t been the best in the last couple of days, and the main reason was Eddie. “I just want to protect you.” His voice was calm, warm. “You’re my best friend, Y/N. And I care about you. But you’re so reserved. I wish you would just talk to me more.” Y/N’s muscles tensed up. It was exactly what Ms Kelly was telling her a few hours before. “I’m not going to judge you. And it was wrong to get mad at you for going on a date with Munson, I know.” What was happening? Did Robin put him up to this? “It’s just… You’re right, I don’t know him. I only know what people say about him, and it’s not good things.” Y/N turned to look at the man sitting in the driver seat. “So, if you say he’s a good guy, I trust you. And if, one day, you would like to actually introduce us, I will be glad to change my mind about him.”

Y/N stared at Steve for a few seconds, a smile forming on her lips. “Thank you.”

“Just one thing.” Steve added, stopping the car in front of her house. He turned off the vehicle and turned to face the girl. “Good guy or not, if he hurts you-”

“You’re going to kill him, I know.” She smiled, before throwing her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Yes, that was the reason Steve Harrington was her best friend.

Once she got inside the house, she checked on her mother, to see if she was already asleep, and then Dustin’s room, only to see if he was already back from Hellfire or not. However, his room was still empty, and so was the bathroom, so she assumed he was probably on his way home. She made her way into her bedroom, letting her backpack hit the carpeted floor with a muffled thud. She changed into some more comfortable clothes, a thrifted Sex Pistols t-shirt which looked way too big on her, and a pair of sport’s short. She then let herself fall on her bed, taking a deep breath. She was exhausted. And it wasn’t difficult to see or to understand why: she had been avoiding sleeping for quite a few nights at that point. She didn’t know if it was because the anniversary of the accident was coming up or if it was the stress of the upcoming exams, but the nightmares had started coming back. And she hated the feeling that was left there whenever she woke up in tears from one of them more than she hated the tiredness and exhaustion from the sleepless nights. So, she had deliberately chosen to not sleep, or at least try. However, that night it felt particularly difficult, she could feel her eyelids getting heavier and threatening to shut, she could feel her mind become absent like when you’re about to fall asleep. But she couldn’t let it happen. So, she got up from her bed and sat at the desk, pen and paper in front of her, ready to write something. But the inspiration wouldn’t come. She was too tired. She heard her brother come home, the floor creaking when he tried to be as quiet as possible, the soft thud of the door to his room closing. She looked around the room, looking for inspiration. Anything will do, she thought to herself. I’m up to writing a romantic story if that means I won’t be falling asleep. And she kept searching, looking for ideas. When, all of a sudden, she heard a car stop outside of her house. She didn’t think much of it at first, thinking it might have been the neighbours, or maybe Dustin had forgotten something in the Wheeler’s car, so she just brushed it off and went back to what she was doing. However, not more than two seconds later, she heard footsteps, someone running outside, through their lawn, getting closer and closer to the house, closer and closer to her room’s window. Fuck, what if it’s a burglar? Or worse, a murderer? Shit, is this how I’m going to go? With a t-shirt from a band I don’t even listen to? The sound got louder, and then it stopped. Fuck, fuck, fuck. That’s it, I’m going to die. She wanted to scream but she was too afraid. So, she grabbed the first thing she found, that being a copy of War and Piece by Lev Tolstoj she had recently gotten and left on the desk hoping to get to read it over the break. It’s not much, but if I aim right, I could knock him out for a few moments, she thought, as she took a few steps back from the window, which she was just realising she had left open. Good job, genius. That’s how you’re going to die, as someone so stupid to forget to close their own goddamn window. The door of the bedroom wasn’t that far behind her, so she could throw the book to distract the intruder and then run. Yes, that could work. Another sound came from right outside of the window, and she was ready to run, when a figure appeared and launched himself throw the opening. She was about to throw the book, when she recognised the bushy mane of the man lying on her bedroom floor. “Eddie?”

A/N: get ready for the next chapters, my dudes! it's going to be a rollercoaster! love you &lt;3

[lesbianjackies]

I'll Always Be Here

Peeta Mellark x Reader

Gender: Female

Request: Hi, can I request a Peeta Mellark x Reader where they're both victors (separate Games, Peeta was the reader's mentor) and Peeta helps the reader go through the Victory Tour?

Warnings: I don't think there are any, it's pretty fluffy. There are some mentions of death, but nothing graphic.

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I was lacking motivation. I'm also not certain it's good; I got kinda lazy with some stuff by just describing what happened instead of it actually happening. It's also a bit short, but I hope you like it anyway. Also a lot of canon is changed, like Peeta was the sole winner of the 74th Hunger Games and there was no revolution. Just had to change some things to fit the request.

You stare up at the dark ceiling, having been awake so long the patterned tiles above you are clear as day. You contemplate trying to sleep again, but decide against it, knowing this attempt at rest won't be any more successful than the others.

You sigh and climb out of the big, comfortable bed the Capitol provided you with for your Victory Tour. You quietly open the door to your room and step out into the hallway, heading toward your mentor, Peeta's room.

Peeta had won the Hunger Games before yours, his strategy being to camouflage and hide until there were few people left, then finish them off from the shadows. It was a good strategy, and it worked especially well for you, being smaller than Peeta and adept at archery. Peeta had been a support system for you before and after the Games; when you had nightmares his door was always open to you, he was always around in case you needed something, and he'd even be the first to volunteer to help you when you were sick. So, naturally, his room is the one you're headed toward when you can't sleep.

You knock softly on the door before opening it slightly. "Peeta?" you call out quietly into the darkness.

You hear a slight rustling of covers before Peeta is standing in front of you in the doorway. "(Y/N)?" he says, his voice groggy.

"Hi," you say timidly.

Peeta leads you into his room and shuts the door behind you. "Nightmare?"

You shake your head and sit down on his bed. "Just couldn't sleep."

Peeta nods, sitting down beside you. "Worried about your Victory Tour?"

You sigh. "I don't want to have to see them. I don't want to look into the faces of the parents of children I killed. I don't want them to look at me like I'm a monster because I already know that I am and I don't need confirmation." You feel something wet on your cheeks and realize you're crying.

Peeta pulls you into his arms. "I know. I went through it too. But you're not a monster. You know who the real monsters are. It's not your fault. None of it is."

He doesn't say it because they could be listening but you know who he's talking about. The Capitol. President Snow. The people in the crowds who cheer as child after child is slaughtered by the government.

"Do you think you could sleep in here?" Peeta asks.

"I don't know. I might be able to with you here."

He nods and pulls you under the covers with him. He wraps his arms around you and you bury your face in his chest, concentrating on the beating of his heart. Peeta's hands run through your hair, softly undoing any tangles, and the steady beat of his heart and the feeling of his hands in your hair eventually lull you to sleep.

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

Someone raps on the door and you sit up sleepily, Peeta's arms still around your waist.

Effie Trinket doesn't wait for a reply before she walks in, waking up Peeta. "(Y/N), you need to get up. Your prep team has a lot of work to do."

You frown, but pull yourself out of bed despite the comment.

"Peeta, you may stay in bed if you wish."

Peeta nods, but follows you out of bed anyway.

The two of you follow Effie into the dining car, where they've prepared all of your favorite foods. You sit down and stare at your plate, too anxious to eat anything.

Peeta nudges you slightly. "Please eat something. It'll be harder on an empty stomach."

You doubt it will be any easier if you're full, but you suspect Peeta is just trying to make sure you eat properly. You nod and take a small bite of lamb stew. It's not a lot, but it seems to please Peeta, because he nods gratefully.

Your prep team enters the room. It's obvious they aren't used to waking up this early from their tired eyes and the way they're downing coffee like their life depends on it.

After breakfast they rush you off and yank every hair from your body. They're unusually silent as they work, no doubt a result of their tiredness, and you don't say a word either. The silence allows you to think, something you've been trying desperately to avoid.

The first district you're visiting is District 11, and after that District 10. You're dreading District 10, because you were friends with the female tribute from there. Her name was Viscera, and she died pretty early on. The other districts you're dreading are Districts 1, 2, and 4—the ones from which you killed a tribute. Gleam, the female tribute from District 1, Maximus, the male tribute from District 2, and Siren, the female tribute from District 4. You wanted to make sure you knew their names, that you remembered them, because you know the Capitol never will.

Everyone else has already started eating when you enter the dining car for lunch. You're not any hungrier than you were at breakfast, but you eat a little more for Peeta's sake.

"How did you get through it?" you ask Peeta after lunch. You don't specify but he knows you're talking about the Victory Tour.

He sighs. "I guess I just followed the script. I didn't make it personal. It didn't help, really, but it made me feel slightly less connected to it all."

You nod. "I want them to know that I care. That I care about all of them. The ones I killed, the ones I allied with, the ones I don't even know the names of." You look at Peeta. "But I guess that'll make it hurt even more, won't it?"

Peeta doesn't answer, just pulls you close to him, which you appreciate. You love the feeling of his arms around you. He's strong and sturdy and it helps ground you. Ground you in him. In only him. He's the only thing that can make you forget the Games for even a second.

"Peeta?" you say quietly.

"Hm?"

"I think I'm in love with you."

Peeta's breath hitches and for a moment you're scared you've done something wrong. "I love you, too," he whispers.

The Victory Tour passes in a blur of tears, anxiety, and Peeta's arms around you. District 10 wasn't as bad as you expected, Viscera's family seemed to appreciate the words you said about her. The others you barely even remember, except for District 2. They were angry. You hope you forget that soon, too, but you doubt you ever will.

The Tour ends in your home district, with nothing but a meal and a small party to celebrate. You just want the day to end, to go back to life as normal, to go back to the world being nothing but Peeta.

"I wish it would all go away," you whisper once you finally get away from everything.

"I wish it would, too," Peeta agrees.

"It won't, though, will it?"

"Never."

You sigh. "I'm glad you aren't going anywhere, though."

Peeta smiles and his lips press against yours for the first time. "I'll always be here."

[hissterical-nyaan]

The Promise

Pairing - Bucky Barnes/Desi! Female reader

Warning - Angst, sad ending, more angst

Summary - Bucky Barnes broke one promise that meant the most to Y/N

Word count - 1.5K

A/N - This is my first ever fanfic, I am very anxious so please be gentle with me :) This was created purely to make y'all cry lol. This is a songfic of "Lag ja gale" of Lata Mangeshkar ji. I absolutely adore that song and found it quite fit for this story!!! Also English isn't my first language and there might be grammatical mistakes. Thanks to @soradragon for beta reading this and helping me complete it, you are a blessing. Love you 💙 happy reading folks!

It was  peaceful in Wakanda, a cool night had taken its place from the hot humid air of the day, the stars were shining bright and serenity hung in the air.  It was impossible to imagine what the next day would have in store for everyone. No one had a clue that tomorrow was the day that would change everyone's lives forever.

There was the sound of soft humming coming from the modest hut which housed the one and only the White Wolf and his lover.

Inside was you, singing songs softly in your mother’s tongue before the two would go to bed for the night. It was a nightly ritual the two of you shared. For Bucky had found your voice so soothing it would chase away the recurring nightmares that would haunt his sleep every night. Bucky Barnes was unable to sleep without his love in his arms, without her angelic voice singing for him, and without her soft hand weaving through his hair. 

You had an awful day today, throughout the day you felt anxious and restless. As if your mind has been screaming at you that something bad was about to transpire. You had no idea what, but it was bad. if there is one thing you hated most, it would be not knowing what will happen next.

You liked being prepared for everything! Your distressed state made you itch for your ma's presence and her wise words. So the next best thing to feel like she was there was to sing your ma's favourite song. It was a song you had  beautiful emotional memories attached to.

Lata ji's masterpiece ‘Lag ja gale’. The song that always left you peaceful.

"What's on your mind, chaand? No cheesy love songs today?" Bucky teased lightly, slightly puzzled by the song choice. Normally, you would sing more happy, sweet love songs when you were in a good mood, not to forget how out of character you acted the entire day. 

"Acha? You said you don't like my cheesy songs na, so I thought today I will comply with your wish and not sing my ‘overly romantic, Shona Babu songs.’”  You shot back, poking your tongue out as not to worry him. Bucky pouted slightly.

"Arre baba okay now don't pout, I was just joking. I will sing the cheesy songs again tomorrow, right now this song just feels right to me.” Hearing that, Bucky mumbled a quiet yes and snuggled deeper into you, holding you tightly and moving his head ever so slightly to listen to your voice.  

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Jaa Gale Ae Ae… (Embrace me, dear, who knows whether or not this beautiful night will ever come again. Maybe in this life we may or may not meet again)

You remember the first time you met Bucky, in Shuri's lab. You were a   good friend of Shuri. You were a researcher staying in Wakanda with T'challa's permission and eventually befriended the Princess. The two of you loved to talk about anything and nothing. One day Shuri told you about the Winter soldier staying here in Wakanda. You had heard many things about him, but never had you seen him in the flesh. Till you saw him come into the lab, bruised and eyes swiming full of emotions, but the distraught was the most clear in those blue piercing eyes.

It was at that moment that you had decided you would help him, and try to soothe the aches and scars that had been covering his fragile heart. He was put in the cryo soon after your first encounter, but you couldn't help but think about him often.

Ham Ko Mili Hain Aaj Ye, Ghadiyaan Nasib Se

Ji Bhar Ke Dekh Lijiye, Ham Ko Qarib Se

Phir Aap Ke Nasib Men, Ye Baat Ho Na Ho (I have been given today, this time by destiny. To your hearts content see me closely, who knows, if your destiny, may present this situation again.)

Six months later, Bucky came out of the cryo and on his request, was given a small hut away from the palace in the fields. You often saw him, with his tiny herd of goats. You remember how one tiny goat - which Bucky had endearingly called Steve -  was the one who caused you to talk to Bucky. Maybe that's why he was still your favourite goat, afterall he was responsible for giving you the love of your life.

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)

Your phone rang suddenly. Bucky moved his head from your lap as you moved to get the phone, it was your brother who was calling you. It puzzled you, it was nearly midnight in India. "Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." You went numb...The words didn’t make sense, you couldn’t make sense of them... Ma papa? No, no this can't be happening. You...you just talked to your mom a few hours ago! Bucky’s arms wrapped around you, holding you so close. He whispered some words into your ear trying to soothe you. But you couldn’t hear them, your mind just kept repeating your brother’s words inside your head like a mantra. That’s when the tears fell, soaking Bucky’s shirt. You didn’t remember you screamed. 

Paas Aaiye Ki Ham Nahin Aaenge Baar-Baar

Baahen Gale Men Daal Ke Ham Ro Le Zaar-Zaar

Aankhon Se Phir Ye Pyaar Ki Barsaat Ho Na Ho (Come closer to me, as I will not be able to come to you every time. Put your arms around me and let us cry our hearts out. Who knows, if our eyes will ever see these tears of love again.)

You couldn’t imagine what you would be without Bucky, your Bucky. He was your rock, You couldn't live a day without him. From the day you confessed your love for each other till today, not a day has gone where he wasn't showering you with love. Even through all his trauma and pain, he did his absolute best to be there for you, his sweet, sweet Y/N.

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)

Remembering the past left you in an emotional mess, you didn't even realise when the waterworks started.

"Chaand? Hey, no shhh why are you crying? Is everything okay? Talk to me."

"Bucky?"

"Haan chaand?"

"Promise me that you will never leave me." You uttered in a broken whisper

"I promise."

He broke that promise. Bucky Barnes broke his promise and left his chaand. It happened so fast, the Avengers fighting Thanos, and suddenly everyone turning into dust.

You felt helpless and scared, numb and cold. what was happening? Bucky had told you to not come out of the palace unless told. He didn't want you to be in harm's way. No, his Y/N was too precious, he can't risk it. You reluctantly agreed, but you weren't of much use on the battlefield anyway. You just hoped your love would return to you very soon.

Steve broke the news, and your whole world collapsed in front of your eyes.

"Steve, no..no it can't be... please tell me you are lying. This isn't the time to joke around! Where is he!?" you couldn't help but scream at him. All your dreams, hopes and future with Bucky shattered. He was gone, in just a snap.  It couldn’t be real, this was a sick joke. that had to be it. A sick joke…

But deep inside, you knew it was real. All of it was real. The world around you seemed to crumble, all of it came down, it was as if someone let a glass cup fall and it shattered in a million pieces. Unable to be put back together again…

Now you had no one, no mom and dad, no Bucky...He was your rock wasn't he? He wasn't supposed to go...

After a few days, Steve offered to take you to America with him. The least he could do for his pal was to make sure the girl who had his heart was taken care of. But you couldn't go, it was too painful. Brooklyn will always remind you of Bucky, and you promised him when the time came to go back to his home, you will go together. No, unlike him Y/N L/N knew how to keep her promise.

You went back to India, to start a new life. A miserable one. If only you would have known that the last song you’ve sung to him would come true. 

You never sang your mother's favourite song again

Tagging - @spiderrpcrker @a-dragon-under-the-stars @lil-stark @jacquessouvenier @soradragon (I hope you won't mind me tagging you!) And I also hope you liked it :))

Translations (please let me know if I forgot to translate something) -

Chaand - Moon (an affectionate term in this context)

Acha - Really (in this context, it can mean many things otherwise)

"Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." - "Y/N please come fast here, mom and dad were in an car crash, I am so sorry but we couldn't save them" (ma = mom, papa = dad)

Haan - yes

[bbulmeintea]

That Night.

Romantic Pairings: Lee Minho x Han Jisung (mentioned briefly).

Platonic Pairings: Hwang Hyunjin & Han Jisung (brothers).

Genre: Comfort // Late Night Convos.

Warnings: 13+, Brief Anxiety within Jisung.

Contains: Anxious Jisung, Mentioned Dysfunctional Family.

Word Count: 1,181 words (according to A03).

Summary: “If you ever want Seo Jisung to do something for you, like change the smoke alarm, get the groceries out of the car, or wash your clothes, don't expect him to do it for free. However, if you're Jisung's older brother, Hyunjin, don't even bother asking.”

A/N: “Disclaimer! This is a fanfiction meaning it is a work of fiction and not intended to be imitated, offensive, or impose danger on anyone, including those involved in the following story. Thank you for reading!”

Alternative: AO3.

If you ever want Jisung to do something for you, like change the smoke alarm, get the groceries out of the car, or wash your clothes, don't expect him to do it for free. However, if you're Jisung's older brother, Hyunjin, don't even bother asking.

" Baby bro?" If Jisung were smart, he'd keep his mouth shut and ignore the nonsense pouring out of the blonde's mouth. "Can I ask you for something?"

Yet, the younger always proved himself to be dumb each time. "Go to sleep, Hyunjin, dad's coming home late tonight, and if he sees we're still awake, he'll kill us."

Even in the darkness that surrounded the two boys, even in the bunk beds that kept them apart, Jisung rolled his eyes knowing Hyujin couldn't and wouldn't stay quiet. Maybe it was because he knew Jisung hadn't fallen asleep yet, or even worse, he knew Jisung wasn't sleeping for a reason.

"Yet, you're still awake," He said.

Jisung replied, not even thinking of the words flying out of his mouth. "That's because you won't shut up."

"Or because you won't let me ask you for something," Hyunjin added.

The brunette grumbled. "You're older! What could you possibly need from me?"

They were only months apart, but Jisung could swear they were lightyears added between them. Starting from the way Hyunjin's body outgrew their bunk beds and ending in the way Hyunjin captured the hearts of his peers with a single look. Including Jisung's crush, Minho.

"Oh, I don't fucking know! Be my brother?" The blonde dramatically huffed. "You know! My only brother that I have in the whole world!"

Jisung shut his eyes, "and? Find another one, drama queen."

"How dare you!" Hyunjin gasped as if he gotten shot or found out some life-changing family secret. "I am not a drama queen! I- I'm just a good actor!"

"An actor that needs to stop acting."

Another thing that seemed to add space between them, acting. Jisung never found himself lying through his teeth with a pretty smile for no reason. However, Hyunjin made it his hobby to lie about everything that didn't fit his perfectly crafted persona. Such as having two loving parents who cooked meals every night and are totally not in a messy divorce. Or, perhaps, being on the selective honor roll list and dating the hottest cheerleader in school.

"So, can I ask you or not?" He questioned, popping his head under the bunk to glimpse at the brunette.

Jisung sighed, opening his eyes. "Whatever makes you shut up."

"Great!" Hyunjin replied while seamlessly hopping into the younger's bed. "I knew you were worth not sending away as a baby."

"Sending away? We're like four or five months apart, dude." Jisung glared.

He smirked, "Ah! I was a smart five-month-old, you see."

Even in the darkness of their bedroom, Jisung could make out his older brother's cocky smirk and raised eyebrow as if those petty white lies somehow embraced him. Odd. The brunette found it odd, but the past year has also been like an uncanny valley picture, somewhat real and somewhat fake.

"Are you going to tell me or not?"

"Promise not to tell anyone, like anyone?" Hyunjin held out his pinky.

Most would raise an eyebrow, but Jisung crossed their pinkies. "Like the time you begged me not to tell dad you crashed at Jenny's and pissed her grandpa off?"

"Mm. I can't help that she wanted me to braid her hair." He shrugged, releasing their pinkies.

Jisung added. "Until her grandpa nearly killed you and threatened to call dad or god forbid, mom."

"He threatened to kill Jenny’s boyfriend, but yeah." Hyunjin corrected.

He grimaced. "That she doesn't know she has- Great. Totally not creepy or whatever, but continue."

“Continuing!” The blonde scoffed out a chuckle, twirling his small ponytail. “I was wondering…”

Jisung blurted. “Can you tell me instead of wondering?”

“Canyoutelldaddyyoucrashedthecarstudyingorlikeatjacksonspartywithmebecauseotherwiseithinkhekillmightjustmehahahhahakthanks-”

Jisung groaned. "Jinnie, don't tell me... You just said-"

"Yeah." Hyunjin shrugged. "Tell daddy you wrecked the car, you know because you're his favorite and all."

"Favorite!? He gave you a car!"

"So...? He gives you allowance."

"To take care of you, idiot."

"Still. Please, for your dearest older brother, please."

Jisung shut his eyes to avoid Hyunjin's pleading looks. If it weren't for their physical differences and the fact Hyunjin even has a car to wreck, Jisung could've sworn he was older than the irresponsible drama queen resting beside him. However, his older brother might need help... Big time.

"Fine!" His eyes popped open as Hyunjin engulfed him in a warm hug. "I'll help you, but you have to promise me something, okay?"

"Anything!" Jisung’s smirk was well hidden in the darkness of the two teens' bedroom. "Whatever keeps daddy off my back."

"You'll..." Jisung's breathing halted. "Set me up with Minho...?"

Hyunjin released the younger from his grip. "With Minho? Lee Minho? That guy on my debate team?"

"Yeah, that guy."

Silence so thick, silence so dry, silence so thick and dry hadn't consumed Hyunjin and Jisung's room since the announcement of their parent's separation, but even then, it was full of tears and hugs. Right now, none of that was present, which left not only awkward silence but racing thoughts in the brunette's mind. Was his older brother surprised to the point he went silent? Or was he so disappointed he'd rather keep his mouth shut?

Honestly, both thoughts sent Jisung spiraling on the inside and maybe outside too.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Even in the dark, Hyunjin saw how Jisung's lip quivered as he held back tears. "Jisung..."

Hyunjin filled the air with a constant flow of words, yet nothing changed. "Jisung. Ji? Talk to me."

If silence could be thick and dry, then tears were a tsunami of emotions that overwhelmed them both in various ways. Hyunjin was never the best at catching Jisung's small triggers, which he couldn't help, but envy his absent mother for, although gone on a trip to Australia, she always knew how to calm him. Hell, she knew everything about him and might've caught onto the younger's crush on Minho first. Mrs. Seo- I mean, Ms. Hwang probably wouldn't be in such a situation, she was gentle, and maybe, Hyunjin just wasn't.

"Hey, I'm sorry-" Still, the blonde knew how to apologize, unlike Ms. Hwang, who never seemed to. "I'm sorry, I don't know what the hell I'm doing or what I should be saying. Mother always knew what to say. Me? Not so much."

Jisung let out a small scoff. "Now, that woman's a good actor. Too good."

"Yeah..." Hyunjin's voice trailed. "So, wanna do that tv sitcom thing where we open up and hug?"

Jisung replied. "Twice in one night? No way!"

"Thank gosh."

If you ever want Jisung to do something for you, like change the smoke alarm, get the groceries out of the car or wash your clothes, don't expect him to do it for free. However, if you're Jisung's older brother, Hyunjin, don't make Jisung question himself. It's something his mother was too good at doing.

[msladyrosa]

I'm here to tell a story that my heart is screaming at me to tell.

This is me. I fucking hate myself, just as much as I fake loving me. I don't think I've ever been this contempt as I was in these photos. I'm awkward and I fake confidence by throwing sarcastic and snarky comments. My coping mechanism consists of lying and just hiding behind my fake me. I've created a confident, pretty and delusional front that isn't me, but it's just as real as the raw version. My raw is ugly and disgusting and I hate it. I hid it and for the love of the non existent God there is, I wish I didn't have the raw side. I write in my skin, because if I went back to cutting, then I would no longer have pretty skin that people can love. I love eating, but I don't do it, because of the fear of losing my 36,28,42 measurements. I'm suicidal, but heavens forgive if I make a joke about it in order to cope with my insane itch to make my skin purple. My arm hair is soft and the last time I shaved I was scared that someone might see the thin, white lines that are underneath. My body is sexy as fuck, but Heavens forgive me if I actually feel comfortable in it. Thoughts of "they'll be fine without me" or "it's better if I'm not here" are drowned by the words I told someone who was a suicidal as me, "killing yourself would not make the pain disappear, you're just passing it on to someone else". I'm such a fucking hypocrite, or is it just a twisted way of actual introspection? What is wrong with the way I walk funny because I'm dizzy for the lack of food is that people notice. Oh great deity in the sky, please allow them to notice, but forgive them is they dare to ask what's wrong. I look happy and relaxed in the photos, hell yes, but not I'm an anxious mess that's writing this in the middle of a mental breakdown. Parents are never the one's to blame, no forgive them for not validating their children's emotions and struggles. No, strict parenthood creates strong-willed, rightful and successful people that think of themselves as worthless, weak, pathetic excuses. Oh we lie, and we lie good. Ask actors if they had strict parents... You'll find none, why? Because strict parents will inforce you an internalized fear of failure outside of social norms and acting is "a waste of time" to their standards. Support doesn't come from the right sized bra, but it sure as fucking hell is welcoming to be held and somehow relived from a burden you didn't fucking asked for. I was so happy ya'll. I was in cloud nine. That day I had a date with a guy I like that I thought was way out of my league, I lied my way through his pseudo intellectual remarks and he believed it.

We know how to lie so good and so true that eventually you lose track of your actual motive to do it in the first place. Society wants you perky and pretty, fuck yeah they do. How do I get all perky and pretty when I only see disgusting, overdosed surroundings? It's easy to get worried when you finally realize somethings not right. It wasn't right to be kneeling at someone's feet screaming a nasty and raspy wail of pain. 10 years it took me to fucking do that and yet nothing really changed. Now I'm just looked at with pity and the quizzical look that can only mean "when is this one gonna blow up again?" Oh, honey, I won't, you're just worried that you're just realizing this now. It's easy to be outside and just stay that way.

I was so happy, all the time. I was forced to lie in order to move forward. You love me? Yeah, as long as you earn it. Are you proud? Sure, as long as you don't fail. Am I okay because I feel like this? Well, it's fine as long as you keep it in. It's beautiful. "As long as..." my reality had always been subjected to a condition, and clause, a fucking constant reminder that I have to earn my happiness. I have to earn my own idea of self worth that is diluted through your standards. I have to earn reassurance from the people I surround myself. I must assume the best case scenario but I can't be surprised when it's the worst outcome.

Having loved a mad human made me realize how flawed I am. I was happy. So, so happy I forgot I wasn't. I tortured myself through endless nights of doubt, starvation with a full kitchen. Sleepless nights contemplating self harm and then decided against it because I had work and the cute client at work would see how damaged I was. I tortured myself with the idea of loneliness in a see of people, only to realize I've been in that see long enough that I grew a tail and fins. I was plagued my guilt because I didn't love them, but when exactly did it go from happy to uttermost bullshit? I was so happy I forgot what sadness was.

I was so happy it started hurting. Hurting when I failed to do something. It was excruciating when I was not able to buy a car because I had noticed I had spent my money of pleasing those who swore they'd provide for me. I was in pain when I showered and instead of singing, I just blasted music loud enough so that nobody heard my hyperventilating bitch ass. I was in so much pain that I welcomed it as my way of happiness. I loved my pain, because I've had it my whole life.

I had it when I was in forth grade and in order to fit in I had to go a sneak around to kiss a boy, and I didn't want to. It was there when I was accused of fighting other girls, but in reality I was trying to establish my self worth, so I was punished. In fifth grade I loved a boy so much I had written beautiful words to describe how much I loved his smile, and so he said I was stalking him and he got scared; 2 months later I was in a shrinks chair talking about it; fast-forward to last night, that same boy explained to me how much he wanted to fuck me now that he had lost weight. Middle school was terrible. Seventh grade, I was constantly degrading myself because another pretty blonde chick was only my friend when she could laugh through me. I insulted a perfectly great teacher because she noticed my self destructive behavior. Eighth grade came and I was lost with a blonde boy. He was beautiful and I was not. He was friends with the girl that swore fielty to me and he chose someone else and because he chose the pretty pale skin on someone else, I settled for the kid that wantedto finger me in the bleachers during recess. Ninth grade came and I was failing classes, parents were strict and hurtful, but they aren't to blame for my shortcomings. That's when I found myself in the arms of the pretty blonde thing I had fallen for. The pretty girl had him in public, I could only have him when we snuck around and he would hold me and kiss me like holding on to his life line. I was letting him touch me, but my self hatred didn't know no boundaries so I suck to my knees and gave my first blowjob at the top of staircase wearing only a lazy purple bra and the school uniform and the shame I'll forever wear because I did it without wanting to, but because I was expected to.

I was so happy to be out of there, that I ended up sinking deeper into my lie. I was smart, new and vulnerable. That's how I met the wholesome boy I called my first boyfriend who was nice and respectful, but he was as ugly as they come. I was a queen to him, but he was looking more like the ogre on the fairy tale and there came my vanity, my ego, my selfishness. I was brutal and I couldn't care less. High school started with a bang with the boy I played with, and when he got to close to my actual raw person, I kicked him out with a bang and he cried. I just stood there not knowing how to react, so I just went on to the next person I could lead on and play. Junior year I knew was difficult, and a black boy with a nice boy and a promising basketball future came around, I once again craved approval and degraded myself to it. That's how I ended up sneaking around 10 minutes before my parents picked me up. In the second floor, I'd found myself again on my knees, and expected to give a blowjob in exchange for attention, and like before, I was hidden, and I expected to be I had tears in my eyes, but because of my shame. Senior year came in, and the black boy with the attractive body was replaced with another, but this one only had pretty eyes and the promise of spoiling me with his family's money. Once again, I said yes when he said he wanted me to be his girlfriend, at least this time I was not hidden, but I was back in the cycle and I ditched my best friend in a movie theater so that I would be in the backseat on a Dodge, sucking my pseudo boyfriend's dick with tears on my eyes, not becauseofhis size, but becausethe disgust towards myself. Like before, I was expected to do so, and so I did.

Heavens above forgive the religion to blame women for sin and lust, but instead punish us for the boys who couldn't keep their dicks to themselves. The end of senior year came, and I was relieved, but then I fell for the guy my parents liked. Humble background, similar interests, and a promise of stability. I was ditched because for him I was a whore and his friends told him so, I accepted the insults and insinuations.

I was so happy, I forgot the rest. College was great and a religious nut job, a platonic love, a semi smart dipshit with the complex of being over everyone in experience, a quiet mature man that treated me with decency, the suicidal broken guy who needed healing #1 and the suicidal broken guy who needed healing #2, later, here I am.

I was so happy in these pictures, I had no idea was contemplating my own disappearance. I write this with migrane, blue ink from a ballpoint in my thighs, with nostalgic memories of moments where my mind wasn't this crowded. I was so happy it hurt. I guess that my logic dictates that happiness is painful and that my pain can bring me joy, but fuck I was so happy.

I had everything. I was pretty, I was smart, I was important. I'm still all those things, but right this very second, I'm happy, and painful so. Heavens above forgive for I have sinned...

I dared to fail... I sinned

I dared to fall into lust... I sinned

I dared to judge... I sinned

I fucking dared to wake up every miserable day... I had sinned.

I dared to be painfully happy... I sinned

I lied... and so that's my greatest sin of all.

[stimmypaw]

stimmypaw reads the apprentice’s quest, a blog post

A big one, just a bunch of thoughts as I’m reading it, of course, lots of spoilers for the first book in the Warrior Cats series A Vision of Shadows. This will be covering just the first book tho, it’s all in the Read More, let’s gooooooo!!!!

Vision Of Shadows time

Lots of new cats!!! I don't remember these guys as kits or anything wrow!!! I like their names but itll take a while to get used to them

Also cant believe they printed stormcloud's dead name

Omg there's a cat named beepaw

I love these cats all of them so much im going 2 cry

All new names are perfect

I FORGOT HOW GORGEOUS THE CAT VIEW IN THE RECENT BOOKS WAS, LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

I'm glad leafpool smokes weed

I love reading from Jayfeather's point of view, his grumpiness hasn't grown on me ever but thats just me, I still enjoy it lots he's great and its fun

Firestar and Leopardstar's characterizations are On Point i love it

OOF i feel so bad when jayfeather is mean to others, poor kestrelflight, I love those two

Lovely Jayfeather moments now its time for the first chapter

I like this duo! Also I didn't think I'd ever say this but shut up squirrelflight one can have fun AND learn with their mentors

Sparkkit sounds nice she makes jingling bell noises when she walks around

Alderkit is chadphobic /j

I can see Alderkit taking deep breaths to relax its rotating in my mind its beautiful

God this first chapter feels so good and comfortable, like eating noodles and chicken nuggets. I am so so deeply in love with it, its gorgeous!

Sparkkit is so perfect too, and Graystripe remembering Firestar aaaaaa

DUSTPELT SAID WHAT? PHDHAHAHHA OH NOOOO I don't remember their relationship much, must have been fun, I love young little creature squirrelflight I MISSED HER SO BAD WOW

I started reading the second chapter and died, I think ill take a break now 2 sleep heehhee

I love them describing twoleg stuff its always so fun and alien, like watching an animal planet show about funny sea creatures.

Also I have determined sparkpaw is my favorite, might be my favorite cat ever next to hollyleaf??? I really identify with her and also she's autistic i have decided that

Alderpaw baby noooo hhhh their mentor at least is trying to show its okay, he seems very emotionally distant so far and alderheart feels very emotionally needy, actually both of them do, did I mention I love Sparkpaw??? I might be imprinting myself 2 much on her

I love how like, its clear both of them are absolutely anxious and worried about others opinions on them, which is clearly something they got from being Firestar's grandkids, deputy kids and leader kids. And bramblestar too, I recall him being quite the anxious lad ahhah. Sparkpaw will be showing confidence and being loud but the second anyone isn't approving of her or she does something "wrong" she gets small and quiet, and she ended up setting a high bar for herself by being good at hunting and fighting so I'm curious to see how that will go. Also there's nothing wrong with being guided through a crowded place to meet others Sparkpaw!!! I bet the two of them would be stuck without not knowing how to talk to others had Needlepaw not shown up. I love them, my gf is mocking me saying I'm a Sparkpaw kinnie.

Apprentices will like learn about a thing and tell everyone about it all the time and assume its always true in every situation and thats valid I love kids like that. Also in my head Needlepaw kinda looks like a porcupine. Oh boo she's fatphobic >:(

I love apprentices they are so fun and silly, just making fun of the leaders like its nothing. The way they are clearly learning and absorving everything their warriors say and do like sponges its just ***chefs kiss***

Omg shadowclan is just full of 12 year olds help

And then the old person said "it sure is hard being old!" And everyone clapped

Shout-out to pretty Riverclan apprentice #481977 I love her

Leafpool: 👁👁

Alderpaw: I knew it im cursed and awful and terrible and I will never amount to anything

I wish the cats didn't seem to be giving up on him so easily though

Ah yes the classic thunderclan move "you suck, into the medicine hole you go"

The way sparkpaw changes the things she says and how she does when it isn't the status quo around her oooooooooooooyeaaaaaaa I love 1 autistic cat

Alderpaw considering your problems lesser than other cats won't help you deal with them better bro

I love Needlepaw's excitement about Alderpaw being a medicine cat apprentice, and her sarcasm, she feels like a preppy teenager

Ahhh this is so good, I am so thirsty for family moments like this, just Alderpaw bonding with grandma, I’ll definitely want to draw this one it’s so sweet.

Oh to be young and silly.

I really am enjoying like, Alderpaw’s struggles to seeing how he fits in the clan, how he fits in himself, how he wants to be seen and what he wants to be, it’s really good. I Am Engaged(tm) With This Plot.

SPARKPAW NOOOOOOO but also Yes I want her to be shown vulnerable and weak please 

POP, god watching this stuff always awful, the cats must have thought he broke her ahahah

Also, really great that they learned from Dovewing and now like leave choices and discussions about prophecies between adults

And plus Brambles seemed to take the time to explain stuff to him, seems he wont be going alone either the 1 thing is that he will be the only one knowing what the journey is really about, why though??? I didnt read Firestar's Quest or whatever why does Skyclan need to be secret??? Seems quite silly really!

YESSSS SANDSTORM GET HIS ASS FIGHT FIGHT LOVE THIS LOVE SANDSTORM

I could feel squirrelflight nearing explosion here, this was very fun, i wish they werent hiding this though!!!

The secret thing is showing to be a plot point so I am once again Very Engaged

Also, wonderful dialogue bit, someone asked Bramblestar why an Elder is going and:

Lovely perfect perfect

I miss you dovewing

SQUIRRELFLIGHT LOVE YOU

Oh boy this is it

Traveling book moment

Graystripe: Soooo you're excited to go on the journey to the old territories and Skyclan?

Sandstorm: Yes! It's been ages and-

Graystripe: I'm sure the tribe will love the visit too

Sandstorm, groaning: Oh noooo I forgot about how the tribe is in the way of every journeyyyyy noooooo they're such a racist caricature, please tell me you have a plan

Graystripe: Yes don't worry about it the writers forgot about the tribe in my comic book so you can just use the excuses i did to actively avoid it

Sandstorm: Oh thank Starclan

Sparkpaw's desperation to prove herself oof, her anxiety with understanding the prophecy, oh boy, and Alderpaw feeling too overwhelmed by the questions and not managing to talk!!!! I am so glad they are both autistic

Hoping "Being Leader" wont mean theyre putting nonsense responsibility on the apprentice again

Ah good Sandstorm is on the lead again, as she should, she should have been leader she would have been great

I can't believe Alderpaw thinks I look stupid and diseased :( /j

Everything about this twoleg scene was scandalous I loved it, Sparkpaw just toppled over a trash bag and they are eating from it, iconic, also did those twolegs throw out a whole turkey? Damn

Its not that Sparkpaw is freakishly good at hunting she is very hungry and constantly on the watch for things to eat

BRO Ive never been in a road where the drivers are this wild, throwing bottles out of the car????? Ive seen Fruit being thrown like once or twice, what the fuck!!! I'm glad they are going to wait until the morning to continue

Okay I was not expecting Needlepaw to show up this girl is chaotic I love her

ACTUALLY YEAH WHY DIDNT THEY TELL THE OTHER CLANS ABOUT THIS SINCE THE PROPHECY IS ABOUT ALL THE CLANS???

Needlepaw is like Rono from Bambi 2 if he wasnt a mean bully and thats very epic

Very curious character though, how come her mentor isnt teaching her the warrior code properly? Is that an issue with all apprentices?? Is the clan overwhelmed by 12 year olds and they won?

Having lots of fun trying to play the game "what animal are they describing this time" the erins made here, im glad they're in a farm. Worried about Sandstorm though :c

Fuck im worried about sandstorm a lot, her wound hurt on Me

Yeah water is good youre right sandstorm

Aw man I hope she's okay let her at least survive to meet skyclan please

NOOOOOOOO SANDSTORMA A AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sandtteooonrjrbbbmmnnnnnnnnnn

I am so sad

Alderpaw denying it, Starclan shining upon their vigil, everything crushed me i cried

Alderpaw considers Nihilism

Haven't seen a cat thank starclan for prey in a while its

Oh look they time skipped a journey! They don't tend to do that thats nice

I'm so excited to be meeting The Skyclan that everyone in the fandom knows now

So far they seem kinda mean but thats most clans at first glance really

Okay somethings up

I uh have heard of Darktail pretty sure he's a bad guy so yeah something really bad happened to Skyclan

Am worried

Darktail sounds like an evil himbo* i may be enjoying him actually

*himbos are usually nice by default so he's just evil and stupid and strong

Does needletail know these cats already?????

Ah

Shit

Oh okay fuck

I've been quietly reading the rest because I am just concerned and I want them to be okay as quickly as possible

Waterfalls are a classic nice

Oh boy time for our unlikely duo of Alderpaw and Needlepaw to get out of a Mess!

I did not expect this to end up with the two of them journeying into parenthood, but I'm happy it did

Well actually I'm very unhappy theyre so lost and there's no sign of Skyclan I am very worried for everyone involved Sparkpaw must be feeling awful!

Twigkit is a great name

Yeah this ended terribly

Overall! Frigging loved it this book was GOOD and a great start for the series I am very excited to read the rest, SO WORRIED ABOUT SKYCLAN THO AAAA the characterizations were great the characters were great the pacing was fun and I didn't get bored once!

I think o only wish I had read this sooner really so I could look up others thoughts without getting heavily spoiled about the last books, I can watch a few videos already though thats a start ahhaha. But yeah it was great and it felt very good to read, haven't swallowed up a book so quickly in a very long time!!! Very happy I finally got my hands on this 💕💖💕💖💕💖 cant wait 2 start the next one

If you read all this, hope you had fun hahaha, ill be making more of these cus theyre fun and I like talking about warrior cats thats just my thing

Til next time

[datura-foxglove]

I have three cats. All of them were adopted (or forcing themselves to be adopted by sitting in front of my door meowing and acting cute until they managed to get inside and refuse to leave). I have adopted five cats in total but one ran away when he is on mating season (I was a college student, I don't have money to pay for his spaying) and never returned until I have to move back home and I have to leave him behind, the other one died because I didn't vaccinate her (again, college student. On her last semester. She is indoor cat so I wasn't that worried but then one of my friend is an intern vet student so she probably caught something from her).

The second cat I adopted (the first one is the one who ran away) is Narnia. My mom is the one who named her. After I am finished with my college I brought her back home (she had to go by car for 6 hours and then by train for another 8 hours). She is three years old this year.

She is so fat that people keep asking if she is pregnant. No, she is just... well, fat. Which I don't understand why because she is really active and she ate even less than my other cats. I have brought her to vet and she is pretty much healthy.

I don't know if it's because of her name or what, but she is a princess. Truly. She won't touch commoner's food and will only accept the most expensive canned food or she will starve herself and stared at you like you are the cruelest human alive for torturing her. She won't steal human food. She is quiet, elegant, and only purr when you pet her to her satisfaction. She demands clean environment and will refuse to step on anything dirty. Will sit on my chest if I dared not to open the blanket to let her inside and sleep near my feet under the blanket and will get mad if I touch her with my cold feet (I can't help it she is warm).

Still, she is the only one who will come if I called her. She will snuggle to me and purr, let me hold her in my arms, and be happy whenever I come home.

But she is scary like a lioness to stray cats and new cats. She will hiss and spits, yowling whenever she sees other cats from the window. If I try to calm her down she will throw a fit and walk away. Truly a princess.

My fourth cat is a stray that my mom picked up from her workplace. He refused to leave my mom's side and stared at her sorrowfully until she brought him home. I'm the one who named him and because I was on Persona 5 craze at that time, I called him Ren (Amamiya Ren is the protagonist of Persona 5).

I really suspect that the name I chose for him is either a curse or blessing, because he truly acts like a phantom thief lol. Ren is a sneaky bastard. Somehow he learns how to open the drawers and steals plastics or other things he then used as toys. He will only do this when I am asleep or not watching him. If I caught him red-handed trying to open the drawer, he will freeze for a moment before pushing it close and then sits there and stare at me innocently. He is really big compared to Narnia and even more active than her. He likes tall places and jumping around from tables to bed. He likes playfighting since he is only a bit older than one year old but Narnia keeps getting angry if he goes too brutal.

He is also a spoiled child who demands my attention if I ignore him for too long. He had no problem using my leg or hips as pillow and if I moved he will follow like a sticky bug. He likes getting under the blanket too but he will sleep by my side.

But he is also the most violent. I never managed to bathe him without ending up in scratches. He has claws and won't hesitate to use it.

The last is my newest kitten, Byleth (yep that name is from me. Byleth is the protagonist from Fire Emblem Three Houses). I am quite certain what is their sex yet (I haven't brought them to a vet yet. They came on Chinese New Year and after that I don't have time yet. So they still stay outside until then, but I have made a bed and they stayed right outside of my door most of the time). Still in process of slowly bringing them inside. Narnia still refuse to associate with them. Ren is cautious but his curiosity is too strong and he has started closing in on them. Not touching yet, but at least he has stopped hissing.

Since I haven't spent a long time with them yet I don't know much about their personality yet. Just that they love canned food, they ate a lot, and they are loud. Actually, it's the voice of their meowing at six am that woke me up. When I checked I found them outside of the gate of my house. Then they looked at me and ran towards me, after that they refuse to leave. I don't know which stray cats that my mother gave food regularly is their mother, no one pick them up. They are pretty affectionate, love to snuggle and asking for pets. Since they have black fur, it made me anxious when I fed them at night since I can barely spot them in the dark. They tend to snuggle my foot when I walk so I am afraid to step on them.

So these are my cats and I love them. Why am I making this? Because I keep getting question of 'why aren't you married yet' by my sister-in-law, father, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma, and even distant family member I don't bother to remember. Now I can just show them this post and say 'I already have three children'. Or just to show off my beautiful children to my friends.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day. But I woke up with some really bad anxiety. I first got up around 5:30 and try to fall back asleep. I was able to doze at least until around 6:30. But then I got up. I got dressed and I told James I just couldn't you in the house right now. I had to go and clean the old apartment. I was just dealing with too much stress and I couldn't wait till this afternoon.

So I biked to the old place. And I clean the fridge and I took out the rest of the trash. I just tried to do what I could to make myself feel better. I called James because I felt overwhelmed and he told me he would come back later in the day and finish cleaning and do a video walkthrough for me. That made me feel a bit better. Felt like I had some help. Please just spoke so dusty and I couldn't handle it. And I just needed help.

I called my dad and talk to him for a little. Told him a little bit more about the new place and the plan for coming to visit next week. And it was nice. I calmed down enough and I still have almost an hour until I really needed to be at the Museum.

So I decided to bike over to the new place. I looked around to the front and back of the building. Saw that there is a swing set over at the park that we're going to be across the street from. So that's exciting. I love swing set. And then I figured out the best way to get downtown.

And that was really easy actually. There's only one part where there's a little bit of a hill. But it's not a bad Hill and it was a pretty comfortable ride. I'm really excited to move. I'm hoping that maybe while I'm gone for a few days James will take some initiative and just do some of it. But we'll see. We both have pretty full schedules this week and then I go to the beach and I'm going to go see my parents and I'm glad we have the flexibility to kind of move as a process. But I also just desperately want to be over there and I'm packing and putting things away. I am so sick of all the little piles of stuff we have in this apartment. I just want to put it away.

I got down to the museum around 8:30. So I went to McDonald's and got breakfast. I ate it there. And took my time.

It was a really nice day though. I got to talk to some really interesting people. I only gave one actual tour but I went through the museum and would show people stuff and tell stories. I cleaned and organized the back office area. Help Kate bring some stuff up to the office is on the other side of the building. The ones I don't go up to very often. It was nice.

It was mostly very chill day. Around 1:30 ish I went over to Chipotle and got nachos. I came back and had half of them. I think I'm going to bring the other half to school tomorrow. And then at 2 I gave my one big tour of the day.

And man was it a doozy. I knew it was going to be emotional because of all the presidential comments about Baltimore yesterday. And I wasn't as emotional as I thought I was going to be I was angry. Because there was a couple on our tour who were tourists. And the guy could not stop interrupting to make disparaging comments about Baltimore. Overall it was a very good tour. I got to tell my stories and there was comments and questions and the tour lasted a little over an hour. I had this one young couple who is considering coming here for college and they were just so sweet. But that one guy interrupted me when I got into my reasons I love Baltimore part of my tour and he really upset me. Thankfully everyone else in the car kind of jumped on him when he said that Baltimore was the most crime ridden place in America. And I just looked at him and I said no. Here are the reasons you are wrong about the Baltimore Community. The reasons it's a good place. The reasons it has been disenfranchised and the ways that the community is trying to make it better. And by saying that horrible stuff about it it's not helping anything and it's just mean.

Thankfully I had some really nice people to talk to after the tour that had questions and positive things to say. And I got to gush about Baltimore then. Uninterrupted by negativity.

But because my Torrid of a little bit longer than I planned to have you had to wait to have her lunch. I feel bad about that. But you put me in charge of the register and I had not done that at the BMI yet. So it was scary. But it's the same POS system as over at ships so it was fine. I did have some trouble with the credit cards and had to hand type them in because I couldn't figure out how to use the scanner but I sold it and I sold two tickets on a t-shirt. Very proud of myself. I am now trained to work at the front desk.

I left there a little bit before 4. And man it was hot outside. I ended up liking back to the harbor but the sun was so bright I just wanted to go be inside somewhere so I went to Marshalls. I needed to buy jean shorts anyway.

As I was coming up the escalator there was a credit card at the top of the stairs. A man saw it and he reached down to pick it up and I said oh no that's not a good thing to lose. And then I look to the side and there's and insurance card and a driver's license. I was like oh no and then someone said I think that's her over there. So I went to go ask but it wasn't she just had similar hair. So we gave them to the security guard and hoped for the best.

While it was over looking at the clearance stuff I found the girl. And she had already gotten it from the security guard and she thanked me and it was great. I heard her on the phone on the other side the rack telling the person that I was a sweet lady who found her stuff and she basically lost her entire life somehow and felt very stupid was so happy that I found it and not somebody who was mean.

And I found my shorts. They fit me very well but they do have that weird holes distressing thing happening in it. So I think I'm going to put some colorful fabric underneath of it for like a cool effect. But they fit me so good I couldn't turn them down for $12.

I left there and biked home. I took kind of a funny way and was just kind of exploring. But I got back here around 5.

I put some stuff away. Water the plants because they all looked sad. I had a succulent clipping that had rooted, so I planted that. First time I've ever tried this. And then I took a bath. I put olive oil in my hair because my scalp is so dry and now I'm just kind of hanging out. James has a meeting that's supposed to be over at 7. So he'll probably be home soon. So I'm just eating crackers. Tomorrow I have a half day of camp. Because I have to go to my apartment walk through. I am so anxious over this. I hate it. I feel like the last apartment walkthrough I had went so simple and so easy just look around it was like a cool. And then even with the U-haul pick up the guy just looked at said okay cool and signed off. I'm hoping that this will be the same thing. We cleaned it looks great on video but it's probably still Dusty because everything's Dusty. So I'm just hoping that whoever from the maintenance company comes is nice. And doesn't make me feel horrible about everything because I already feel horrible and everything. And I hate that I have to leave work so early because then I have to leave the big kids halfway through stem. And that feels horrible. But I'm hoping that they can at least get started and it won't matter that I'm not there for the second the half of the afternoon. I should have made the appointment for 3 I don't know why I made it for 2. I think I just freaked out.

I still think it will be a nice day. It's the last week of camp and I am hoping it will be great. I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well. Be safe out there. Take care of each other. Try not to let all the small stuff get to you.

[autumnbell32]

Dystonia

I woke up to a messy apartment- clothes blanketing the wood floor, sundry cups on my nightstand, the air stagnate and dusty. But I knew things were going to get better. The rescue medication the doctor called in for me seems to have unlocked my brain from that depressive vice. I'm an RN, though not currently practicing- I knew what Geodon was, I knew the risks and benefits (even the rare side effects- a hallmark of my student behavior, I remember minutiae) and I decided they were fitting for my current situation and I would trust the doctor.

I had a quiet, pleasant enough day. I took a handful of surveys- that is my new hobby, survey-taking, particularly survey taking for money. My desire to avoid immobility/sedentary behavior aside, this has been a good tool for distracting me from unpleasant or intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and urges to engage in self-destructive behaviors. After spending some time making chunk change (at which I will not sneer), I went out for coffee and something to ease my acidic stomach. Which brings up another happening- I wasn't planning on telling anyone about this, but if it will help someone feel less alone (I suppose I should insert a TRIGGER warning here...because that’s what people do nowadays) and hopeful that brighter days are ahead, I will expose myself and my maladaptive coping. The night before, I spent some time with a friend from about 12am to 3am, as this Geodon makes me very restless, with a feeling of an inner quake, and she agreed to walk Meijer with me. After I dropped her off at home, the anxiety increased exponentially as did the desire to engage in my bulimia. I went to Kroger, mapping out the store in my head beforehand so I could gather my items quickly: plastic spoons, ice cream, birthday cake with vanilla frosting. By the time I got back to my car I was removing plastic wrap and shoveling hard ice cream into my face, sighing in relief that my anxious thoughts were being drowned in thick, cold sugar.

I glanced at my phone quickly, knowing I only had a certain window during which I could purge as much food as possible before it started digesting (bullshit by the way, we all know that). Long story short I stopped myself mid-cake batter-purge, a wave of guilt and fear washing over me, as it usually does. I wouldn't let myself purge. I let all that sugar and fat spike my insulin levels and heart rate- those are some of the consequences of my binges and I won't tear my esophagus out or massively increase my intracranial pressure anymore. I've promised myself that before, but this particular brand of guilt was different and I still cannot describe it...as irritatingly, annoyingly, flourishingly wordy as I am (wink). I let myself fall asleep with regurgitated ice cream dried on my face and frosting smeared all over my gray bedspread.

Wide loop back to today- while I was doing dishes I started becoming aware that my head and neck had turned into a furnace and was radiating heat. I felt it heating up the collar of my shirt. My jaw was becoming very, very tight and clenched, it felt as if there was an earthquake in my limbs, I couldn't hold on to my dishes anymore, and my heart and breathing rate was racing. I tried to walk in a straight line to my bedroom but my legs were dragging and I couldn’t form a linear path. Oh boy. I wasn't immediately sure what I was dealing with, but I knew that I wasn't scared and was not having a panic attack. This was purely physical and was increasing in intensity quickly. I started to call the pharmacist, just to validate within my mind that this was being caused by the Geodon- I had only been on it for a few days. "Nope, nope, nope," I said aloud with a thickened tongue. "Puh-Please tell Dr. --- to call me immediately," my mouth tripped over the command I was giving the answering service. He instructed me to take serial Benadryl, thinking it was either a bad panic attack (it wasn't) or dystonia starting up. "Mo-om can yoouuu come get me?" She hopped in the car and came over to sit with me, shaking her head in dismay at the number of meds her daughter is on. "This stuff is toxic," she sighed.

I'm not going to take that medication again. It's frustrating because, I will say it again, it unlocked my brain. It helped me get on with daily functioning. But I have become acutely aware of how physically unhealthy I am right now- before I didn't really are. But I keep gaining weight- my arms are naturally thin, and even those have fat depositing in a way that scares the shit out of me, and let’s not examine the tire around my middle. Back to running it is- things are going to jiggle and chafe and the lungs are going to burn but I want that. Back to healthy veganism, as diet is 80% and I am SURE there is plaque in all of my arteries, veins, and capillaries. Back to work next week, as I will be off FMLA- yes I still have my job, yes I am still a manager. I wiped tears from eye wells when my boss told me that. "Ashley....I just want you back here and I just want you well. You can do great things when you are feeling well- awesome things- I've seen you do it. I don't plan on firing you."

God, my mouth has been so dry and tastes like I dumped a packet of Splenda on my tongue bowl. Which pisses me off because, since I started taking the Geodon, I wake up multiple times a night with a soaked pillow, the lower half of my face covered in drool. And it feels like someone is rhythmically tapping an ice pick on the right side of my head and face. Thaaaaaat's Geodon.....you fuckboy, you. AND I CAN'T BLOODY SLEEP.