#i can confidently say that wearing the one i made for myself is the greatest joy of my life rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meimi-haneoka · 1 year

Text

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 70: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

CCS FANS!

It's here, finally!! My post for this chapter took so long and I'm sorry for it but man....the mess they made with the releases AND the content of the chapter certain didn't help with the writing and posting of this commentary!! 😅 I haven't been able to focus for most of today and yesterday, took some time to elaborate....man, I KNEW chapter 70 was going to be special because it's a round number and because it's going to be (at this point almost certainly) the last chapter of volume 14, but was I prepared for this storm of feels? No, I really wasn’t. I think no matter how much I would’ve tried to prepare myself, I would still be in the mess I am right now. 😂 After all, I love Kaito very much. And I think I can say with confidence I wasn’t the only one, I pretty much saw everyone around me being completely shocked by what happened, as it was mostly unexpected (some people knew and actually believed in this outcome till the very end, and my love and greatest appreciation goes to them – you know who you are) Therefore, you’ll forgive me if this post will be particularly long, but I feel like I need to analyze a lot of things and I would like to include them in my analysis of the script and translation. This chapter has been focused on Kaito for a good half of it, but due to the magnitude of the revelations, it felt like it's mostly about him. It's ok, these things needed to be addressed at some point. This month we had few translation mistakes, but quite annoying, especially about a translation that ended up suggesting an incorrect interpretation of what happened in the chapter, so I definitely suggest to check it out! Let’s start with the usual tradition that I hope to include till the very end, the gif of the month!

And now, follow me under the cut to find out why chapter 70 shocked everyone!

The Color page

What a pretty Sakura in kimono!! Yes, she’s sad, probably the saddest and melancholic she’s ever been in the color pages of Cardcaptor Sakura, but she looks...so mature, so grown up, I can’t help but think about how beautiful she looks. I know this color page made many people worry when it appeared online before the actual chapter was released, but in the end we found out that the sadness of this chapter isn’t directed at her at all. The JP text here says “Exchange, the Card that was born out of Sakura's wish. With the [magic] that is here, one story ends and begins”

The Two Alice

Sakura opens her eyes. We’re back to the play, the real play. It’s the moment of the meeting between the Red Queen and Alice, and……..Akiho and Sakura switched roles. Sakura is now playing the role of the Red Queen, wearing a cute dress that honestly it’s really reminding of a more classic Red Queen, while Akiho is Alice, wearing a very Alice-like outfit too. Can you recognize these two outfits? Yes, they are the costumes Tomoyo originally worked on, before changing her mind and re-doing them completely:

When Tomoyo made Sakura and Akiho try them on, they were still pretty much in tacking stage, while we can see that now they have “colored” parts and details/accessories added, but they’re the very same outfits. The lines they say are those we know well by now, Sakura says she’s the Queen of this land and Akiho asks her name, to which Sakura replies “They call me the Red Queen”.

The font, something we became used to check in the last 5/6 chapters, is indeed that used when Akiho and Sakura speak in their roles of the play. Akiho makes a curtsy and introduces herself as “Alice in Clockland”. And here we get the second surprise of the chapter: Syaoran, behind the curtains, is voicing the Cat, exactly like he intended to do initially. The Cat welcomes Alice to this land, and she realizes the one who’s talking is her beloved cat from her home – and here we get our first little translation difference:

ENG: Didn’t you promise me you’d come with me to the world I wanted to show you? JP: I did promise to escort you to the world I wanted to show you.

In all the instances where we’ve seen the kids reharsing or talking about the play, we always got only to the point when Alice meets the Red Queen. Even in the play itself (the first time around), the story was pretty much interrupted by Kaito sending them all into the *real* Clockland. Now we finally find out how the story continues. The Cat asks Alice if she met the Red Queen and what she thought about her. Akiho replies “She looks like me”. Choir comes back on stage, singing again the iconic song that was composed by Yamazaki:

JP: This is the story that Alice chooses (for herself). A story for Alice. The [Cat] guides her, and her wish is waiting for her at the end of the road. The wish Alice had forgotten is waiting for her. Remember, Alice.

I wanted to put the JP as the ENG changed/omitted some words, but nothing serious.

Alice asks the Red Queen if she’s always been in this land. The Queen replies that maybe yes, maybe not, she can’t really remember anything aside from her name being the Red Queen and the name of this land. She can’t even remember why she became Queen in the first place. Alice reiterates that they’re very similar. So she tells the Queen something. An anecdote from her own family. They’re 3 people in her family, but at their table there’s always a fourth chair. She always wondered who that chair was for, and why they never put it away. So she wondered if that chair was meant for someone very dear to them. The Cat, projected on the curtain and with Syaoran’s voice, tells Akiho to touch the person she’s thinking she wants to touch right now...because when she does, she’ll remember something she forgot. And so Alice touches the Queen’s hands.

The scene here is really beautiful, loaded with emotion, and a huge callback to this other scene here that happened precisely during the reharsals of the play:

Alice finally remembers. She wasn’t born as an only child, but had a twin. That twin sister disappeared to another world, and with her all the memories she and her parents had of her. Here there’s a small difference between the ENG and the JP: the ENG says not all of their memories disappeared, while the JP uses a different word that got a slightly different meaning - 想い, which means “thought” and even more often “feelings”. So the memories of the lost sister disappeared, but the FEELINGS survived the loss. Remember this. Remember it well, I’m telling you now, as I suspect this play will also work as a parallel with another situation.

That’s the reason why they never removed the 4th chair. For the other “Alice” that had disappeared. The Red Queen finally understands, shocked. Alice says:

JP: Guided by the Cat, I’ve come to take you back home. You, the other “Alice”.

On the top of the school building, Kaito observes from afar the play coming to its final moments. Momo is with him, in her full form. She asks him how he’s feeling right now. Kaito answers “I suppose I’m relieved...because the Exchange Card was created”. But pay attention to his face and the background of that panel. There’s the usual “smoke effect” they use when the character is distressed or *not* having happy thoughts. Kaito seems indeed relieved here at first glance, but if you look at him better, there’s a streak of sadness to his expression. And what’s that “I suppose I’m relieved”? He’s not even sure himself of what he’s feeling right now.

Momo frowns at him after hearing his reply. She *knows* there’s something he’s not saying. She continues saying that the Card has indeed changed things. First of all, by Sakura’s wish, the Card changed her role with that of Akiho, making her the Red Queen.

I gave you all of me

And then, finally, Kaito’s wish. In a shocking revelation, we find out that Kaito’s wish and intended use of the Exchange Card was NOT what everyone thought. Kaito says it himself: he wished to exchange his own magic artifact -the pocket watch that we learned to identify him with- for the artifact inside Akiho’s body -the infamous book that is currently hosting magic from a multitude of books that her Clan forced her to record on herself. And thanks to Exchange, that swap succeeded. Kaito is once again using “ore” as a pronoun here, while still talking in keigo. He will keep using it freely till the end of the chapter. A sign that at this point he doesn’t have to pretend to be the perfect and polite butler anymore, but he still holds lots of respect for Momo, hence the use of keigo. The panel where he explains his intended exchange takes an entire page, and the fact they used a portrayal of Akiho when she started travelling with Kaito (the outfit is the same of the flashback featured in chapter 39) makes things even more bittersweet. This has always been his goal all along. Taking onto himself what he mistakenly caused to be engraved into her when they both were just small children. But more on this later, at the end of the post.

Momo points out that Kaito’s watch is all broken, and Akiho doesn’t have magic (remember this well, she STILL doesn’t have magic! Cause giving her magic was never Kaito’s goal to begin with) so she won’t be able to use it. Kaito comments “There’s no reason for her to use it, right? Because with the Transparent Cards that Sakura-san had created, along with all I could give of me, I was able to activate the forbidden magic of the Book of Time, which you watch over”. Momo keeps frowning at him, while he says so.

The infamous play is finally over, everyone in the audience is clapping their hands enthusiastically. Sakura and Akiho go backstage where Naoko, Chiharu and Tomoyo await to congratulate them! Chiharu even says she teared up a little when the two Alice made it back home! We see that Yamazaki is still his usual self, praising/teasing Syaoran over his meowing skills (to which he yells that it's not true), and Naoko joins the kids in congratulating the girls, saying how happy she is that she casted Sakura and Akiho as Alice and the Red Queen. Then, nonchalantly, she delivers the second surprise of this chapter:

JP: You’re twins, and it shows!

BOOM. Kaito explains that inside Momo’s book it is possible to record the events of someone’s life, and with the use of the Forbidden Magic, it is also possible to rewrite them. Therefore, he wished to record the memories of Akiho and Sakura into that book, and then change them to make them twins born on the same day, who spent their life together. In the beginning, I thought Kaito changed to a very deep level the events that happened in Akiho’s and Sakura’s life, but thanks to a follower on Twitter I’ve actually re-read better the JP text and it seems Kaito changed only the memories of the people. Sure, that also brought substantial, concrete changes to their reality (I suppose Akiho lives with Sakura and so there surely will be a bed for her, all her stuff etc) to accomodate Akiho into the “new” version of their lives. The ENG translation in this sense is quite deceiving because Kaito talks about rewriting the lives, but in the JP it’s clearly written 記憶, “memories”. I’m not sure to what level we should consider this change to take place (like, did Nadeshiko actually gave birth to both of them or it’s just a collective hallucination the forbidden spell put all of them under?), but I’m sure we’ll understand better with next chapters. We can clearly see how everything else in Sakura’s life seems to be exactly as it was before, Kero and Suppy are still there, Nakuru too, even her relationship with Syaoran seems to be still the same (for a small detail at the very end of the chapter, that I will point out later, but you can stop freaking out about that). The only difference is that Akiho has been included in Sakura’s family. Kaito observes that’s something else that successfully changed.

Momo points out that every successful “rewriting” leads to some kind of discrepancy. However, Kaito answers that thanks to this change, Akiho won’t be harassed by the Clan and the Association anymore, and she would be protected by the Kinomoto family and all their kin.

(I know, I’ll leave my comments for last, as I said).

Momo asks the question. She always asks the questions.

JP: What about you?

For how formidable he can be, Momo hints that it’s impossible for him to deal with the huge amount of magics that were written onto Akiho (just imagine how magically battered her body was), especially in the state he’s in now.

And that’s when it happens. We all more or less imagined that we might end up seeing a tragedy happening in front of our eyes, but being this CCS, we probably didn’t believe it 100%.

The Seal of D.

Kaito doesn’t reply to Momo’s question, but keeps his usual enigmatic smile, that at this point is more a weak smile of acceptance of his destiny. A book appears under him, the huge book that used to spread at Akiho’s feet whenever the artifact was going to overcome her.

The effect Mokona sensei used on these pages, like blots of ink, looks actually like it’s blood. It’s terrifying to see that in CCS.

A flashback. The Association headquarters. There are both representatives of the Association and of the Squids Clan.

Kaito looks like a child, a teenager at best. He really looks like he’s the same age as Syaoran, or one year older. And yet, the ENG translation stubbornly keeps making the same mistake over and over again.

Because Kaito IS A MAN in their heads, even when he’s clearly a kid. Below the JP version which stays more true to the original meaning: JP: Letting this magician travel along with the artifact… is too dangerous. If he uses time magic, he might exploit the magic artifact. Let’s cast the “Seal of D” on him. There’s a sealing spell that can be casted only on magicians of rank D. If you engrave this spell onto your body, we’ll let you travel (with her).

Alright, on top of being already emotionally compromised by the sheer cruelty of this scene, there are also two mistakes in the ENG translation that make me see red. The first, as I said, is the use of the word “man” instead of “magician”, which is the word used in the JP version. It doesn’t make sense to use “man”, since Kaito here is a kid, because this is a flashback of when he offered himself to go travelling with Akiho. The ENG translation criminally contributes to the misconception that Kaito was already an adult when he decided to accompany Akiho, when in fact it’s not true. Do you find it hard to believe that a teenager could escort a little child around the world? Then how do you believe that a ten years old could live all alone in a foreign country? Come on folks, these people have magic. Moreover, I’ve seen some fans genuinely confused due to this mistake, and they had to re-read twice to understand exactly who the members of the Association were talking about in that moment.

Not only that, but they also translated the fact that Kaito could’ve exploited the artifact with “suppose he uses the artifact for evil?”, paradoxically making them look like they’re wary of Kaito using the artifact for evil!! THEM! THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL OF THIS STORY! Like, this is completely ridiculous. Of course they wouldn’t give a damn about that, they don’t have morals, they were only worried about Kaito misusing the artifact however he wanted, and not in their interest.

My grievances with the translation aside, I would like to bring attention to the use of the word 封鎖 fuusa, which can be meaning “block, seal-off, lockdown, sequestration”. I wanted to point it out because it might be useful to guess what will happen to Kaito after a couple of pages.

Kaito agrees without hesitation to that demand.

To my bafflement, the members of the Association and the Clan ask Kaito if he knows what he’s agreeing to. Because not even someone with the level of magic he’s got can remove that spell. And if he dares doing anything to the artifact, that spell will be put into execution at once. And when it activates, he won’t be able to come back.

Here it is!

“Omae wa mou modorenai”. The phrase Sakura kept hearing from an ominous voice in her dreams. I’m positive this is the final source of that phrase, because in fandom we’ve been wondering for years who could’ve used “omae” while talking to Sakura, since there aren’t many characters that use that kind of pronoun for “you”. And it totally makes sense that the Association uses that with a younger member. Turns out, the “warning” wasn’t directed at Sakura at all, but actually at young Kaito. Sakura, thanks to her magic power, has been hearing the warning that hinted at Kaito’s destiny this whole time.

And now, the scene that tore apart the heart of so many fans.

JP: “I...am glad I was able to successfully complete a magic I’ve sincerely wanted to use for the first time”

Kaito uses a particular verb here, 編み終えられて, which caught my attention and literally translates to “finishing knitting, weaving”. The verb 編む amu, “knitting”, gets associated a lot with creating magic spells. I’m not really sure if it’s a use of that verb that only CLAMP makes in this sense, or if it’s common to refer to the creation of magic spells as if you were knitting a sweater, but I think it’s kinda...warm? Cute? In this specific case I get really emotional about it, because I can’t help but feel that the magic Kaito created was like a warm blanket he knitted for Akiho with all of his love, to protect her, cherish her and give her the happy life she deserved when he'd be gone. I know, I’m probably projecting on a simple verb but I don’t think I’m far from the truth.

Anyway, with these last words, the Seal of D. activates on Yuna D. Kaito, engulfing him.

Momo, the only one who is able to witness his departure, can’t contain her emotions anymore. A tear mixed with anger, frustration and sorrow appears at the corner of her eyes, and she yells with all that she’s got “This...blockhead!!!”.

It’s like Momo’s shriek reaches Sakura’s ears. She turns around towards the top of the school building, with a strange feeling. Syaoran immediately noticed her unrest, and rushes to her side to ask what’s happening (I told you, this is the most evident proof they still have the same relationship. He does that all the time with his girl). Sakura answers…

JP: I...thought I felt something...but now it’s gone.

In front of Sakura, the top of the school building is empty.

And just like that, the chapter (and probably volume 14) ends.

Alright, now that the technical part with the analysis of the text/translation is over, let me express my feelings on this chapter.

Oh, I have so much to say. So much. Starting from the fact that yes, I’m not ashamed to admit it, this chapter made me cry. Like, real tears, not figuratively. Yes, I love Kaito just that much. My general feeling he was a good person all along has been confirmed at last, but also the heartbreaking smile he embraced his “end” with, that really did it for me. I always knew Kaito was a kind soul. I was sure of that. I was just scared that his self-loathing, his desperate situation while being driven to a corner would have lead him to a dark place, where he might have crossed what’s morally considered acceptable. When Exchange appeared, I fell into CLAMP’s trap. And I really have to commend them, because they were able to lead the fans to think something for 70 chapters (alright, a bit less) while in the end it turned out to be something completely different, and everything STILL makes perfect sense.

But let’s start from the beginning. The play finally got to its conclusion, one way or another. We finally witnessed the whole story for how it was intended by Naoko, and it was a simple, but cute story with a happy ending. And we found out that this is basically a reality where everything seems to be exactly like before, but the memories of the characters have been rewritten to accomodate for Akiho becoming Sakura’s twin sister. Certainly the memories weren’t the only thing that was changed, as I was saying above, but it probably doesn’t entail a complete rewriting of history like the ENG translation suggested? Therefore, it’s a less drastic change that will be easier to rewind? We’ll see with next chapters, especially I’m curious to know if Sakura still got her problem with the rampant powers.

Akiho becomes Sakura’s twin sister, then. I’m pretty sure nothing changed about her, we’ll still see her with her passion for books, her singing skills, her friends are all still there, her best friend actually became her sister, now she’s got a lovely family who can protect her (how is Touya going to interact with her? I...suspect he won’t tease her), but most importantly, she doesn’t have that ticking bomb of an artifact that was about to annihilate her soul. And, she stays magicless. Kaito never wanted to give magic to Akiho. He never showed any sign of it, not with words, nor with his actions.

On one side, I’m glad to see this development just as a “what if”, provided that...it goes back to normal, in the end. Because I always envisioned Akiho’s family to be Kaito and Momo, and I always wanted to see them living together as a funny household, with Momo finally dropping her secrecy and walking around in all her glory while spoiling Akiho with love and scolding Kaito till kingdom come 😂I think Akiho would be very happy. They are her most beloved people, after all. Sure, the idea of the Kinomoto family adopting her is sweet and all, but who has always been by her side? It was Momo and Kaito. Momo, in particular, I feel like she deserves her quality time with Akiho, after watching over her ever since she was born, in complete secrecy. Unable to reply to all the lovely chats Akiho had with her, thinking she was just a plushie.

Oh, don’t get me started on Momo in this chapter. How I sympathized with her. I always have, but in this chapter we finally see her losing all composure and crying her tears for how UNFAIR everything is. Once again she's the spokeperson of a good chunk of the fandom. Kaito’s goal was noble and all, but it was at the cost of his life (?) and he ended up sacrificing himself without even acknowledging why he did all of this. Her angry “insult”, わからずや literally means “someone who doesn’t understand and listens to reason, no matter how much you try to persuade them”. And for Momo that is a huge failure, in itself. She witnessed another tragedy happening. Still, I remind you she left some help behind, precisely at Kinomoto’s home (probably something that would stay even after the activation of the forbidden magic) so she’ll probably be waiting for the girls to realize it.

And then, Kaito. My beloved Kaito.

I know many people might be shocked at this turn of events, as they didn’t see it coming. CLAMP have carefully laid down a pretty game with us, where they tricked us on purpose into believing that Kaito had ill intentions till the very end. But at the same time, carefully leaving all the hints that he actually was a kind soul and he wouldn’t have hurted Sakura to give Akiho the happiness she deserved. It all clicks perfectly. One of the simplest hints is that he always spoke very politely of Sakura, using keigo and praising her skills multiple times (not only hers, but Syaoran’s too), while for the Association he always had a spiteful speech pattern. He hated them, for what they’ve done to Akiho. Kaito ensured that the forbidden spell would’ve influenced Sakura’s life at the minimum, so she would still have all of her friends, her most beloved person, her family, her happy memories. The only different thing is that now she’s got a sister (I still have to wrap my head around this, even though I’m pretty sure it’ll be momentary. It’s too big a change to keep it permanent).

As I said previously, I’ve wavered multiple times on the way he would’ve brought to completion his plan, while I never had a doubt about what his goal was. Never. I never even thought he wanted to give magic to Akiho, as he unfortunately knows very well how magic can lead to unhappiness. It certainly did, in their case. I knew Kaito had a kind soul, because kind people seem to be the ones who suffer the most. And Kaito suffered too. A lot. Not only physically, due to the time rewinds. He’s grown up completely alone, never experiencing love from anyone. Feeding on energy bars, till Lilie tried to make him change habits. Lilie planted a seed in him that bloomed only now. It’s just that, it didn’t bloom in the correct way. We will certainly learn what’s behind his persistence in not understanding that he did all of this for Akiho because he cared for her, cherished her. And so he should’ve asked her what kind of happiness she wanted. Is it fear? Did he purposely keep himself distanced from her, forcefully stopped his hand that everytime was going towards her, because he knew that he soon would be gone? I’ve theorized about that many times, here. What’s the point of creating a connection with someone if you know you’re gonna leave them? Moreover, would he deserve creating that connection with the very person he contributed to condemn to a tragic destiny? Kaito’s self-loathing goes to those lengths and way beyond. But in that last page, before he disappears engulfed by the book, he looks so….satisfied with the result he achieved. He *really* gave all of himself to ensure that Akiho would have a happy ending. He villainized himself in the eyes of her friends, dispelled all the attacks from the Association along the years, suffered the consequences of the time rewindings on himself, all while knowing that he was carrying upon himself a horrible curse. Touch the “artifact” and we seal you off forever. When I found out, I was livid. I kept saying “I should’ve known, they are stupid but *not* that stupid”. They imposed a curse like that on such a young boy. For Kaito to accept it without a second thought, it either means he was so disillusioned with life that he didn’t care about dying, or that he wanted to make things right at all costs. Judging by the word used in the JP version, Kaito might not be exactly dead in this moment, but just sealed off somewhere. Since the book appeared at his feet, he might have been sealed inside the artifact itself. I’m just picturing what would’ve happened if Kaito tried to remove the artifact while it was still inside Akiho….and I shiver, because she would’ve absorbed him, sealing him and all his power inside herself. Such huge power would’ve annihilated her soul at once, destroying all that Akiho was. Exactly what I’ve imagined as a “bad ending” in one of my angsty moments.

But the problem is, how do you reach him there? And how do you bring him back, while he’s harboring in himself all those damn magic spells? Because he deserves another chance. Another chance at life where he can experience happiness too.

The fact he thought of taking into himself the artifact that was engraved in Akiho because of what he said is honestly so heart-wrenching. He took full responsability for a thing that wasn’t even really his fault. And also goes to show the lenghts he would go for her.

Ironically, the fact he was sealed off might be precisely the thing that’s saving him, for the moment, because those spells will certainly kill him for the state he’s in right now. But while being sealed, maybe they won’t have effect on him. This is going to be a tough task, for Akiho. Yes, because I know she will remember at some point and will go out there to save him. And that’s why we have our wonderful heroine Sakura with her, whom for the first time might get to use her immense power not to play with a deck of cards but actually to save someone’s life. The bar has been raised quite a bit, right?

Kaito’s idea to exchange the book with his pocket watch was very clever. But also...it left with Akiho an object that will certainly lead her back to him. The watch will be “the chair” of the “Two Alice” play. An object left behind by someone dear. Whose watch it is? Why does she have it with her? Why is it all broken? Akiho used to associate that watch so much to Kaito, she recognized that it must have been something very important to him, so I’m CERTAIN that it will trigger a memory in her. Ohkawa in one of her Spaces at the end of December said clearly that Akiho will work very hard in the finale of Clear Card, and honestly I can’t wait to see it. She’s been accused by the fandom of literally doing “nothing” for the whole series, so the time has come for her to show what she’s capable of. Without magic. Heh, when Kaito said “she won’t need to use it (that watch), right?” my heart squeezed because he was so resigned to the fact that she would forget about him and go on with her life….little does he know, that watch is going to lead her back to him.

The final scene with Sakura feeling a glimpse of something before it disappeared was another smack to my face. It’s really worthy of the most tragic scenes, when someone can feel that someone else is gone.

I think next chapter we might get a glimpse of the life of Sakura and Akiho as sisters, and I’m very curious about that...curious to see if Akiho knows that her sister got magical powers, how Akiho interacts in the new family….for me it’s like witnessing a temporary AU. But as I said, I want things to go back to normal because somehow I feel that’s the right thing for both girls. Hopefully the discrepancies Momo mentioned will start showing up right away, so we can move to the final big task quicker. And then it’s hopefully icha-icha time for everyone, as Mokona sensei wished.

Well well, this post has been infinite and I DEFINITELY didn't say everything I wanted to say over the big revelation of this chapter, but I can create another post for that. So, a quick reminder of the dates for the next chapter, chapter 71: March 1st, on CLAMP's Youtube channel (digital, JP and other languages) March 3rd, on Nakayoshi (paper and digital, JP)

As you can see, I can only give you these two dates as the situation with the digital releases of the ENG and JP version is still very chaotic. We'll see if anything changes till March.

As usual I await your asks in my inbox!!

#cardcaptor sakura #card captor sakura #clear card arc #ccsakura #ccs spoilers #chapter 70 #yuna d. kaito #momo (cardcaptor sakura)#translation differences #akiho shinomoto

111 notes · View notes

de-lyc-ful · 1 year

Text

A tattoo design based on one of my poems (written underneath the picture) It’s about my experience becoming more confident in myself due to my aromantic identity and the community’s support

The love-full sing songs, they flood the air with declarations of forever

They exist as kings and queens of a hill I will never climb

It’s too steep, and I was simply never meant to climb it

So I stay where I am

I stay with the ones they call heartless

Because at least the heartless have the sense to see me for me

Instead of what the love-full have deemed me to be

The love-full call me emotionless

Made of stone

Unfeeling and cold

A broken attempt at humanity

The heartless see me differently

When the love-full call me stone to say that I don’t feel

The heartless call me stone, strong and brave and everlasting

When the love-full call me broken and misshapen

The heartless fill my cracks with gold

So that my imperfections glisten in the sunlight

Beautiful and whole as I am

The love-full, for all their pride and preaching of togetherness

They cannot fathom the idea that I am just as whole on my own as they are together

They call me heartless because it is the greatest insult they can think of to be alone

So I wear their scorn with pride

I am heartless

And I am whole

#sketch #tattoo design #poetry #aromantic #aroace #aro #queer #queer poetry #queer poets on tumblr

102 notes · View notes

choicesficwriterscreations · 10 months

Text

September MC & OCs of the Month - Special Edition: Vivian Carrick

Help us in welcoming September's MCs and OCs of the month! That's right, plural! Most months, CFWC highlights one randomly selected MC or OC from our Meet My MC / OC List. (More info here.) But this month, we're doing something different.

In August, @lilyoffandoms hosted a Writers Appreciation Month, and we announced the September Writer of the Month would be selected from its participants. But all participants agreed - Lily deserved the honor! Still, we wanted to do something nice for the eleven writers who elected to participate to help uplift other writers in the fandom. So, this month, each of the eleven participants will have one of their MCs or OCs highlighted.

We will introduce each MC / OC individually, and once all eleven have been highlighted, a masterlist for the month will be created. We hope you enjoy getting to know all about them!

The fifth OC of the Month is @jerzwriter 's Vivian Carrick!

Learn more about Vivian below!

In your own words, tell us what you like most about your OC.

It's hard to narrow it down because I just adore Vivian. She was the first original character that I created in the Choices World, and I felt like she almost created herself. It was within my Delaying the Inevitable Universe, and we met her when she walked in on Casey in her son's apartment wearing his bathrobe. After Vivian realized Casey was being truthful, there was nothing going on between her and Tobias, she made it her mission in life to change that.

At that point, I didn't know I'd have a full T/C headcanon, much less have Vivian a part of it, but I couldn't let go of her. She's a strong, smart, powerful, intuitive woman. She's witty, quick thinking, and can verbally disarm anyone in a nanosecond. Sophisticated and worldly, but she has quite a backstory, that wasn't always her life.

Despite a sometimes intimidating exterior, she has the biggest heart. She will defend those she loves to death. The way she and Tobias banter gives me life! lol

Do you feel your OC is like you at all? How are you alike or different?

We have some similarities, but I wouldn't say a lot. We both think quick on our feet and enjoy bantering/teasing. We also love putting a bully or bigot in their place. We're both extremely loyal to those we love and understand they're the most important thing in life.

While we both grew up, not poor, but not well off by any stretch, I never had to endure the overt and systemic racism that Vivian did.

We both put ourselves through school and are quite proud of it, but she followed her dreams, and I allowed myself to be talked out of too many of mine. She's definitely got more confidence than I do. I also never married into extreme wealth lol, nor did I marry - and lose - the love of my life.

But we both adore our children and would do anything for them.

What is most important to your OC? What is their motivation in life?

Her family. There are other things - justice, equity, an intense desire to prove her naysayers wrong... but nothing comes close to her family.

What are their biggest pet peeves/dislikes?

Ignorance. Especially wilful ignorance.

Racism and sexism.

Dishonesty.

Her sons making her wait decades before they get their shit together and settle down. lol

If your OC could change one thing - anything - what would it be?

The one thing she'd like to change more than anything is her late husband, Charles's death. He was the love of her life, and while she's managed to go on and live a full life without him, no one knows just how difficult that's been. Even more so, she knows the toll his death has taken on her boys, especially Tobias, who was not on the best of terms with him when he passed. While this is her greatest wish, she knows it can't happen, and she doesn't even know if it should. She doesn't like the ending but has a strong faith and believes this happened by God's design, so she doesn't feel right questioning it.

For something she feels she has a bit more of an ability to impact, she'd want to make the world a better place for her granddaughters and children like them. She knows things like systemic racism and misogyny are so ingrained in our society that they'll be almost impossible to fully overcome, but she sure as hell won't let that stop her from trying.

Also, I see Vivian as a strong ally for LGBTQIA equality. She will admit this isn't something she understood well in her younger years, but she now has a bisexual daughter-in-law, and eventually, her son, Jordan, comes out, and later, her granddaughter, Kayla. Inequity and discrimination are things that she abhors, and when she begins to what the community faces, she is a vocal ally who puts her time, money, and energy where her mouth is.

What is your OC’s favorite quote or song?

Her favorite songs are:

Louis Armstrong's What a Wonderful World - that was her and Charles's song.

Diana Ross's Ain't No Mountian High Enough - Because she used to sing it with Tobias and Jordan when they were children.

John Legend's All of Me - Tobias & Casey's wedding song - and Vivian was certain her son getting married was a miracle.

Her favorite quote:

“Neither love nor terror makes one blind: indifference makes one blind.” - James Baldwin.

Is there anything else you’d like to share about your OC?

Vivian is not perfect. Sometimes, her sarcasm and humor can be viewed as acerbic. She is a loving and doting mother, and as a grandmother, triple that, but she acknowledges mistakes she made when her boys were small. She and Charles had a love so strong that sometimes, it may have made the boys feel secondary, even though they never were. Also, she was determined to prove she belonged in her husband's world, not so much for herself but for those who would follow - most importantly, her children. But she acknowledges that sometimes she was so busy pursuing that agenda that she lost sight of little things that were, in the end, far more important.

She has so many accomplishments in her life that the list could go on for days. But the one thing she is most proud of is the relationship she has with her adult children, their partners, and her grandchildren. When she closes her eyes for the last time, she knows she leaves behind a legacy of love, and that's all she ever wanted.

#choices fic writers creations #open heart #cfwc oc of the month #vivian carrick #jerzwrither #playchoices

28 notes · View notes

autisticempathydaemon · 9 months

Note

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

‘You’re Gonna Go Far’ by Noah Kahan, I know these songs are kinda trending rn or at least they are on my fyp lmao. But I absolutely am obsessed with this song. So many of the lyrics are superrr relatable to me but I really love the lyric, “You’re the greatest thing we’ve lost” isbwieneo it’s so personal to me fr fr.

What is your Enneagram type?

9w1 :)

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

ok, ok, so. my imaginary friend was a girl with red hair. She was a little shorter than I was and I can’t remember if I had a name for her or not. She’d always match what I was wearing and we would play with my Polly Pockets all the timeee. Since I have a sibling I would more so play with them but my imaginary friend came to visit sometimes. She was really sweet. More outspoken than I was…if an imaginary friend can be outspoken.. She definitely had more confidence than I did.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

I’d change my name to Drew, I just feel like my name is so basic. My dad always said if my parents had a boy they would’ve named him Andrew. And while i’m comfy with my gender I’d still love to change my name. It seems easier to change it to something that my parents already kinda considered.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

While I love all of them. I think my favorite is ‘Comforted by an Arrogant Incubus’ it was the first audio of Erik’s that made me feel safe. I think it was the first audio I cried too tbh. I just love it so much. I also feel like my mutuals will be shocked that I didn’t pick a different audio.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

…I love him so much, and i’m saying this because i’m like him. And it scares me how alike we are sometimes. But Guy… I LOVE GUY!! Please don’t get me wrong. I just don’t understand the hype. I’m also a lot like him so that might be the reason…I don’t think i’m all that so maybe my feelings towards myself translate to him. But do I listen to everyone of his audios? Yes. Do I enjoy them? Also yes.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’ I KNOW EVERY WORD!!! Every single one. I had a marvel obsession and let me tell ya. You turn on that movie and no one will see me blink for the full duration of the movie. I won’t move from my seat. This movie has a chokehold on me fr fr

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

I really had to think about this one. Would I date this person? Yes. Do I think it would go well…Maybe, but i’d rather be friends. But Im picking Sam!!!! I feel like he’s the dad friend and I need that in my life. He’s the guy that i’m calling if my car breaks down or if I do. He’d let me come bother him at all hours of the day while also forcing me to take care of myself when I busy with college. I love him so so so much and want to be his bestie so badly.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

I start to ramble about how not tired I am. Like i’ll be actively falling asleep and will be telling the person i’m having a convo with that i’m not tired and i’m not going to bed. Only to be asleep thirty (30) seconds later. I also get really cuddly when i’m drifting off and normally Im not that cuddly cause of how warm I am.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

White cheddar popcorn, those chewy smarties ropes, and a coca-cola icee. it slaps fr

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

It’s a playlist that my best friend made when we took a twenty (20) hour round trip, road trip. It’s twelve (12) hours long and i’m obsessed with it. We had so many great unhinged moments during that drive. We still text about them to this day and the road-trip was last year lmao. We were slightly crazy to drive that much in a 36 hour span but it was worth it. We’ve got memories that we will talk about for the rest of our lives.

Extra info:

I’m the baby of my family, I’m going into healthcare, I love turtles (like kind of an obsession), i’m touch starved to the max but won’t do anything to fix it, I have a weighted dino and a weighted blanket that I sleep with. If I don’t have those I will explode. Oh, and I have a fear of sleepovers. So…yeah… :).

Thank you so much for doing this!!! It really made me think about myself which was fun! I hope you are having an awesome day!!

Hmmm, this one really had me percolating over the Redactedness brackets. In the end, it’s something about your Enneagram type that really settles me with Milo as your match.

9w1s are known as the Dreamers, characterized by this optimistic and unshakable sense of justice and a sense of responsibility to uphold it, to do what’s right. This seems supported by your goals of working in medicine/healthcare. That’s hella Sweetheart-coded which makes you a perfect fit for Milo. (Also, Milo is totally a momma’s boy, and I think he’d be so delighted to be with someone who works in health/healing like Marie. Like, not in a weird way, but it’d probably feel very familiar and loving to him.)

Also, Milo, like most shifters, is the perfect boyfriend for touchstarved babes who needed weighted things to sleep. We’ve all heard his “Comforted by-” audio; we all know he would give the best head scratches, and that’s not even mentioning what a fantastic weighted blanket/animal he would make in his wolf form. You’d be so sweet together: him with his cat, you with your turtle(s), those cats and turtles and their playfully antagonistic relationship. I can very much imagine Aggro being a dick to some turtles in a fun, cartoon, Tom & Jerry way.

Song:

You know I'll treat you right/ We'll dance through the morning while everyone's sleeping/ And if you get too tired/ Just rest your lips on mine/ Lovers don't have to just kiss in the evening/ I think we danced last night till three in the morning

One of my favorite fandom headcanons is that Milo loves old-school, classic love songs of the crooning, swing dancing variety; I think it’s some combination of his accent, rakish charm, and confidence. I could easily imagine this playing through your house in the evenings, those twilight hours between night and day, between asleep and awake, when you are sleepy enough to let him lead you through a dance.

Runner-ups:

Geordi, I love for you because I think he’s an unashamed Marvel fanboy, and I love pairing nerds together; y’all deserve it. Personally, I think he’s a Spiderman fan, and y’all could have some very fun debates about Team Captain America versus Team Iron Man. Elliott would be a cute runner-up because I think it’d be sweet to put two babies of the family together- like, your energies would match- and you two could have a fun college meet-cute; that setting would really suit him.

note: thank you for waiting so patiently~

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

7 notes · View notes

nonproblematicfave · 2 years

Text

The thrill of the chase ;; Haruchiyo Sanzu

TW: alcohol, mentions of violence FSK 18+ (in the future)

This is a fanfiction. I do not own Tokyo Revengers nor any music, brands, art etc. mentioned.

┄┄┄┄┄

┄ THE TRILL OF THE CHASE: "If you talk about the thrill of the chase, you are referring to the excitement you feel when trying hard to get something you desire. It's the thrill of the chase, the buzz of the risk, that drives you on."

┄┄┄┄┄

MASTERLIST : PART 1 // PART 2 // PART 3

┄┄┄┄┄

TAGLIST: @sisnot @luvkaku @imnotjo

All in all, the entire Sanzu thing was a terrible idea. Yes, maybe a thousand times crazier than my aunt's idea of coming to this ominous party. Sanzu had this crazy sparkle in his eyes and the charisma of being on the verge of insanity. Of all the men here, he was probably the worst choice I could have made. But oh, how I longed for the thrill. So here we were at the bar drinking our Long Island Iced Teas while my aunt tried to sweet talk the Haitani brothers.

What a crazy scene.

"Where are you originally from?" asked Sanzu suddenly, and I snorted in amusement.

"Where I come from? I am from Roppongi." He tilted his head, staring at me insistently from between his long eyelashes.

"Hm, I thought you were from a quiet neighborhood and came here with the dream of experiencing something exciting." He didn't fully misjudge me, and I didn't quite know if that fact should worry me.

How does he know now that I'm looking for an adventure?

"No, I'm from here. But the experience thing is true." Something glinted in his eyes. He was threatening but so damn electrifying that I didn't want to leave his side.

"So you want an adventure, but you're not here by choice? I believe that you are meant to be here today and right now. And I believe, no, I know you are supposed to meet me here. I know that fate has brought you to me." I wasn't impressed by his fortune-telling. He sounded like every other confident guy trying to say something profound. The only difference was that he was pretty creepy after all - just creepy enough to put me under his spell.

Jeez, this man is going to cause me problems.

"What makes you so sure?" I asked. My gaze fixed on his lips. Said lips twisted into a scheming grin before he sucked on the straw of his drink and took a sip.

"I just know it. You crave the thrill and find me. That we met can't be a coincidence. I am the greatest adventure you could find." How quickly 'you and I' became 'we' went past me. Perhaps the alcohol clouded my senses and took away my ability to make qualified judgments, but that wasn't on my mind anyway. He was right. Sanzu was exciting. Maybe it was just his demeanor. Perhaps it was that excited gleam in his manic eyes and his confidence. Probably it was the fact that I knew who he was and yet, still talked to him.

He is my adventure.

He was my ticket to more than just uneventful Friday nights on my sofa with chips and a can of Coke in my hand. To more than back rooms in gas stations and romantic literature. I smiled at him and took a sip of my drink.

"Maybe you're right, but maybe you're just talking crap to get me in your bed." I winked at him, taking a big gulp to keep up my big mouth. He laughed and took a step closer to me. The girls who stood next to us the whole time lost their minds over it, turning purple in jealousy.

"I wouldn't have to try so hard if all I wanted to do was to get you into bed." He explained as if it was a matter of course that I was too stupid to understand. We just looked into each other's eyes for a moment. He was so close that I could feel his hot breath on my face. Suddenly I was grateful for the high heels I was wearing so I didn't have to feel small next to him, so the conversation stayed at eye level. At least that's what I told myself.

"You're pretty sure of yourself." I returned meekly.

He wasn't wrong.

I longed for an adventure and he offered me everything to satisfy that longing.

"I'm not a one-night kind of woman anyway." I continued to explain. I continued to lie. This whole thing was a battle I had to win. I wanted to see him insecure just once, but it wasn't happening.

"Your eyes say otherwise." He purred.

He's dangerous.

I took a step back. Woozy by the aphrodisiac in his voice.

"Guess you're reading me wrong." I leaned against the bar counter and teasingly smiled at him.

"But that's okay, Haruchiyo." He was surprised for a moment; probably few people called him by his first name. However, this was supposed to remain an eye-to-eye conversation that I was currently losing. So I had to surprise him - only a little.

"I know a place we can go. We won't be under so much surveillance there." He gave his little fan club an annoyed glance. I wavered.

"I thought I was being clear? I'm not going home with you." He rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"I meant the VIP lounge." I blushed slightly at my misinterpretation.

"Oh, yeah, right." I laughed nervously. My laughter only got more nervous as he grabbed my arm. He scared me a little.

He pulled me towards the door leading to the VIP area, gave a quick nod to the bouncers, and led me down a long hallway with ten doorways. The music sounded muffled here, at least until he opened a door and more or less pushed me into the room. My heart threatened to explode as he locked the door behind us. I was in danger. But instead of being afraid, I felt something strange. Was it joyful anticipation? A grin fought its way onto my face without much effort. I was alone with a criminal man I had seen for the first time half an hour ago - a man who was capable of doing terrible things. I had to be weary of life after all.

Why am I even here?

"Nice place." I simply said and sank onto one of the red, velvet-covered sofas. The music playing in this room was much quieter and allowed us to speak instead of yell. Conversating in clubs was always a burden. Sanzu took off his jacket, placing it carelessly on the back of the sofa before dropping down on the seat next to me.

"I like being here, you know." He put his head back, looking at the ceiling first, then at me. His eyes startled me.

"I can see that." I sighed.

"I like it better here, too. I don't get pierced with stares from your fangirls here." We laughed. The mood was surprisingly relaxed.

Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all.

"Haruchiyo." I sought eye contact with him.

"Yes?" he asked calmly. Calmer than before. Less manic.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" My question seemed to surprise him. It surprised me too.

What kind of answer do I even expect? Do I really want to know that?

"Interesting question. Let me think about it. Oh yeah, I killed an old friend." I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything.

"Why?" I asked. His eyes pierced me.

"He was a traitor. I threw his body into the river after slashing him with a katana. He bled to death just like that." I blinked a few times. He sighed.

"He was a good friend but unfortunately a traitor. He didn't do anything to me. He let Mikey down. That's why he had to pay." His explanation didn't sound like a pardon at all. He seemed at peace with himself. There was no emotion in his voice that could indicate regret. He sighed again.

"Does that shock you?"

Good question. Does it shock me? No, not really.

I shook my head.

"No." Sanzu looked at me, squinting his eyes as if trying to read my mind.

"My turn." He leaned closer to me.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" I had expected anything from him, but not that question. I should have expected it, but why should a man like Sanzu care what a random woman from Poppongi thought of him? A woman from Roppongi who didn't even wear the correct shoe size. I stuttered to myself, making him giggle.

"Oh, don't worry. I don't care what you answer as long as you can explain it." I could only justify the truth. I exhaled.

"Oh, you know, who in this world is actually good? After all, we only choose our enemy images according to societal norms and think we are inevitably right. But that's the same society that is blind in both eyes when it sees that there are wars or, more relatable, that someone gets beaten up. It's easy to judge when it concerns others. So does it really matter? I don't think so." It was hard to maintain eye contact with him. So hard. Sanzu hummed.

"That's a much more boring answer than I expected from you. I wanted you to finish me off. Tear me to shreds. That was just boring." He rolled his eyes. He was disappointed, and it bugged me. I was so sure he would hurt me if I pilloried him.

"Why would you want that?" I asked, visibly confused. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled tiredly.

"I need someone to keep me in check. Everyone agrees with me because everyone is afraid of me. I know that I'm not a good person. I'm not stupid. If I want to hear that my actions are okay, I can ask anyone. I wanted to talk to you because I thought you had what it takes to be honest. I want a fight, not recognition." I didn't know what to say.

He wants me to keep him in check?

That seemed unrealistic and completely insane.

"Um, do you want a fight you can win, or are you willing to lose?" He pondered for a moment.

"I'm a terrible loser, so make it exciting enough that I can handle it." He looked at me. Something was pleading in his gaze. Something that didn't take no for an answer. Yet seemed innocent at the same time. At least it would have if it wasn't coming from Sanzu.

"Me? Why should I be able to do that? You're expecting a lot from someone you met half an hour ago." I wasn't capable of much in general, so how was I supposed to keep a maniacal serial killer in check? That was nothing more than wishful thinking. The temptation was there, though, and it was massive. The glint in his eyes enveloped me like fog blocking my vision.

"Simple: because you are the most interesting woman, with the most boring answers, and I am the most insane and murderous dog in all of Japan. I crave nothing more than a fight with someone like you." His words made me blush, but I couldn't avoid his gaze, so I withstood it.

"You want a fight? You'll get a war, Haruchiyo." He nodded in satisfaction and leaned over me, making me press myself into the couch to get some distance.

"I'm counting on you." He grinned. Crazy like before. He was so close again, and it took everything in me not to give myself to him.

"Why are you resisting me so much?" I blinked in confusion.

"What do you mean?" He rolled his eyes, coming a little closer.

"I can tell you want me. Why are you resisting?"

Again, a good question.

"Honestly? I don't know." I returned. My eyes lingered shamelessly on his lips as they had so many times in the last few minutes. It would be easy to kiss him now, rip his clothes off, and-

No, we're not doing that now.

"That's what I thought. If you change your mind, you know where to find me." He breathed his words against my lips, making me swallow hard before he leaned back again and took his phone out of his pocket as if he hadn't just tried to seduce me.

That's what he was trying to do. Right? Am I stupid?

"Here, my number. Call me. Then I'll have yours, too." He explained casually, waiting for me to do what he said. I pressed the green handset and saw my number light up on Sanzu's display. I hung up, so he could save my number. He saved it under my first name. I saved his number under his. He was my adventure, while I would be the person to keep him in check.

How crazy can this even get?

"So (Y/N), now that that's done - What do you crave the most at this very moment, here with me?"

45 notes · View notes

unstable-bagel · 2 months

Text

I decided to give this a try since I’ve been wanting to do it ever since I joined tumblr lol

Edit 5/6: originally I was just reblogging this post and adding each day, but I think I’m just gonna edit this post and add each day I do instead. Since if I kept reblogging and adding, it would get extremely long lol

4/22 Day 1: your stats

Age: 19

Height: 5’1/ 155cm

HW: 115lbs/ 52.3kg (not counting pregnancy)

LW: 82lbs/ 37.3kg

CW: ~105lbs/ 47.7kg

Current BMI: 19.8

Current UGW: 90lbs/ 40.9kg

Potential UGW: 85lbs/ 38.6kg (depends on how I feel when I’m 90lbs)

4/23 Day 2: how tall are you, do you like your height?

I'm 5'1 (155cm). I like my height most of the time. I like being short and being able to curl up in chairs, hide in small spaces, take up less room. It sucks not being able to reach high places tho but I usually just climb up on things to reach lol.

I do sorta wish I was a bit taller tho. Like maybe 5'4, 5'5. Cuz then I wouldn't have to weigh so little to be thin. I feel like the majority of non-disordered people don't really know what a healthy weight is for different heights as long as they're in the triple digits. But being so short, I can be double digits and still be a healthy weight, but people automatically think that's underweight. So if I were to actually become underweight, they would already be suspicious.

I hope this makes sense. I'm sleep deprived with my newborn right now 😅

4/24 Day 3: a picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?

I actually made a post about this the other day!

(Copied from my original reblog, it won’t let me add the pictures for some reason tho)

I know it's not one person but this is my

"thinspiration" (I don't really like that word lol).

I like that they're thin and have flat tummies, but they're still soft. They don't have like rock solid abs, and their tummies arent like caving in. I used to have a tummy like this and i loved it, but that was like three years ago and I'm trying to get it back

Day 4: your greatest fears about weight loss

I have four main fears. 1) I won’t be able to lose the weight I want. 2) I won’t look how I want to look after losing weight. 3) my husband won’t find me attractive anymore and will either cheat or leave me. And 4) I WILL lose the weight I want but I won’t be able to stop and I’ll eventually starve myself to death

4/25 Day 5: why do you really want to lose weight? Are you doing it for you?

I wanna lose weight so I can feel pretty. I want to wear cute bathing suits and crop tops and skinny jeans without feeling like I'm getting judged. I wanna sit on my husband's lap and not have to ask "am I squishing you". I want to finally feel comfortable and confident in my body after hating it for so long

4/28 Day 6: do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do

used to binge a lot, when I still lived with my parents. I wouldn't necessarily say I binge now, but I do overeat sometimes. I think part of why I don't really binge now is cuz we don't have much money for food. But there's a few reasons I overeat/ eat more than I plan.

-extreme hunger from restricting so much

-boredom from being home with my baby all day everyday

-periods of attempted recovery (before inevitably relapsing)

-wanting to make my husband proud of me, since it makes him happy when he sees me eat. This is probably the main reason I eat more. If it weren't for him then I would barely eat

-wanting to enjoy the moment and not worry about what/ how much I'm eating

5/6 Day 7: do your parents know you are trying to lose weight? Do they care?

I don't live with my parents anymore, so currently they don't know. But when I still lived with my dad and stepmom, they found out a couple times that I was restricting. And they acted like they cared for a little bit, but it would blow over usually in about a week and then I could go back to restricting

5/8 Day 8: your workout routine

I've got a two month old so my workout routine is taking care of her

I would like to

have an ACTUAL routine once she's a bit older and can entertain herself longer. I have the routine I used to do saved somewhere but I can't find it right now. I might edit this and add it later once I find it

5/10 Day 9: did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

Honestly, not really. I remember being 7 and asking my stepmom’s mom if I was fat, and she was like “no. But you could try sucking in a little”. That moment plays in my head a lot. My stepmom used to always call me chunky-monkey, which didn’t bother me at first but once I started getting insecure about my weight, it affected me differently. Oh I also remember being 11-12 and saying something to my stepmom about my baby fat, and she was like “that’s not baby fat, that’s just fat” and kinda laughed about it. I only called it baby fat to make myself feel better about it. All that was before my ed, people made some comments after my ed but they weren’t necessarily “negative”, but they did upset me and make me feel a bit more insecure. So idk if those count.

5/14 Day 10: what was the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss?

I’m not sure tbh. I don’t think I gave anything up really. At least not during my current relapse. During my past relapses, the hardest thing to give up was freedom. Maybe if I had relapsed harder this time then I wouldn’t have freedom but it was pathetic this time and barely counts as a relapse 😂

5/16 Day 11: your favorite thinspo blog and why

I actually don’t have a favorite thinspo. I don’t look at thinspo really unless I’m going through a tag and someone posted it with that tag. I used to but it was mainly just pictures I found where they looked good, it wasn’t necessarily a specific blog or anything

5/21 Day 12: what do you normally eat?

Honestly it depends. Lately it’s been mainly pasta since we’re broke af and it’s the cheapest meal we can afford. Pasta is one of my favorite foods so don’t mind really

5/22 Day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

Well considering this is an ED blog, I’d say unhealthy lol. I would like to lose in a healthier way but right now it’s sorta out of my control since we can’t really afford to eat more than once a day most of the time

5/28 Day 14: what’s your ugw? When do you expect to reach it?

My current UGW is 90lbs. I used to be 90lbs and I really like how I looked. I might drop it to 85lbs once I’m able to reach 90. Since I have a baby now, I don’t really have time to workout, which is a big part of why I thought I looked good at 90. Cuz I worked out. I honestly have no idea when I’ll be able to reach them tho. I’m not able to focus on losing weight at the moment (unfortunately) but once my life isn’t so chaotic, I plan on working towards my goal again

5/30 Day 15: are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?

I’m not at the moment, but I used to be vegetarian in an attempt to restrict easier around my family. I do think I’d want to go vegetarian again, but right now I just eat whatever is available since we can’t afford much variety at the moment.

6/1 Day 16: when did you first decide to lose weight?

The first conscious decision I made to lose weight was right before my first year of high school, so I think I was 14. But in seventh grade (when I was 12) that’s when I started skipping meals for the first time. I liked the feeling of being hungry and I thought it would make me skinnier. So I guess technically when I was 12, but I didn’t really develop my ed til I was 14

6/3 Day 17: do you have an eating disorder?

I do, but sometimes I convince myself I actually don’t if I’m like struggling to restrict or something. If I’m not actively restricting, I get imposter syndrome lol

6/4 Day 18: what food is your weakness?

Definitely anything chicken lol. Especially chicken nuggets. I loooove me some chicken nuggets. And probably cookies and brownies. Luckily I cant binge on cookies or brownies cuz they’re too sweet and they make me incredibly nauseous and they make my heart rate spike too much. But chicken nuggets are dangerous, I could eat those all day everyday

6/9 Day 19: when is the last time you ate fast food?

I had some two nights ago actually. My husband and I went to Walmart to get more formula for our daughter and he decided to go through McDonald’s on our way home. I tried to avoid eating it but he made me eat some chicken nuggets. I got away with not eating the fries, and I didn’t have the drink til the next morning

6/11 Day 20: favorite diet?

My husband’s been home everyday so I haven’t been able to do this often 😅 I don’t follow specific diets often, but my favorite is probably the healthy skinny girl diet. I think that’s what it’s called. I used to do it while living with my parents cuz it would give me some extra wiggle room to eat a bit more if they were catching on or if my dad cooked something for dinner (he really liked making high-ish cal meals). I might actually try and do it again soon

6/12 Day 21: what are your clothing sizes?

I’m not really sure tbh. I’d say probably a 2 or 4 in shorts and pants. Maybe a medium in shirts. None of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit at the moment, they’re too small. And the clothes I wore during pregnancy are too big (obviously, I’m not preggers anymore). I don’t have enough money for new clothes right now so I just have to make due with the clothes I have. The highest size shorts/pants I have are a size 2, and they were really tight for a while where I couldn’t button them. But I’m starting to fit into them more

6/17 Day 22: what was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?

My lowest weight was 82lbs (37.3kg) I believe. I was visiting my mom’s house during Christmas break one year and just skipped every meal. And if I did have to eat, it was the least amount I could get away with, and then I would immediately go and purge. I gained it back cuz I went back to my dad’s house and my stepmom noticed my weightloss. They had already known about my eating issues so she had a close eye on me, which meant I had to eat more. And I believe a few months later, I got in a relationship and he encouraged me to eat more and try and recover a bit. I once I gained weight, I stayed around 90-95lbs (40.9-43.2kg) until I got with my now-husband

6/20 Day 23: did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

Not really, I don’t think. Not at first at least. It mainly just stemmed from insecurities, but I’ve had those since I was like 7 and I don’t think it came from any form of media. Tho maybe it did and I just didn’t realize it. Now that I have an ed, media plays a bit of a role. When I see famous celebrities that are skinny and pretty, it makes me a bit sad and jealous that I don’t look like them. Tho I do realize that a lot of them pay for personal trainers, plastic surgery, stuff like that. So it would be difficult to achieve the same look they have

1 note · View note

fancifulflora · 1 year

Text

Jayce “Button” Wiseman

This is my Button from the Choice game made by @mindblindbard I’ll dunno if I can write it as well as the other IFs on my list but I’ll try after some research lol (Picrew)

Name Meaning: Healer, Cure (It doesn’t really have much to do with why they’re named that way though lmao- the answer is a lot sillier than you’d think)

Callsign: Hemera

Aeon Program: M.I.V N.P.O - Trial

Pollard Score: Zero Five

Age: 20

Birthdate: 20XX, September 5th

Pronouns: He/They

Height: 198 cm/ 6′6

Weight: 86.3 kg

Appearance: Smooth, beige skin that tans quickly when exposed to the sun. Light blue eyes and black, shoulder-length hair that is pulled into a small ponytail and is otherwise left untamed. Very tall in stature and built like a large dorito with moderate muscle definition. Wears dark clothing but shies away from black to get out of their “loner” days in high school. Has multiple piercings in the ear and some on the face. Has a full-sleeve tattoo on their right arm and a bunch of tattoos on their back. Will grow stubble if left unchecked for a few weeks.

Noticeable Attributes: Tattoos creeping up the neck and down one arm- possibly more hidden, small cut through the right eyebrow, thick lashes.

Default Expression: Apathetic

Character Traits: Expident, Charismatic, Confident, Accepting

Description:

An excerpt from UNITY’s Student Evaluation for Cadet Wiseman. Evaluation Instructor: Ambrose S. Kim

As the second and most recent student to enroll in the Non-Psychic Operative Program (N.P.O), Jayce Wiseman has already shown strategic promise as a MIV during their first assignment- as low risk as it was.

Wiseman also shows physical prowess as well, demonstrating adept usage of melee weaponry and kickboxing in hand-to-hand combat. If they are able to continue their training, Wiseman could turn out to be a valuable asset in Unity’s mission.

A section from a letter sent from Nicholas “Hyacinth” Wiseman to Hope Wiseman

Alright, alright, enough going on about myself (Although I’m an admittedly pretty interesting topic). I should get on to the juicy content you’ve probably been waiting for!

Your dearest Detective Nick’s report on Button (Should I get that trademarked? I should get it trademarked.)

I know you two talk every day but Button doesn’t even think to add all the important details about themselves. Like, for example, how they stole my motorcycle for themselves a few months ago and almost immediately started working on it.

Sure, I might not use it at all, but I’m 80% certain I’m the one still paying insurance. And before you say anything, don’t worry Mom, I always make sure that they put on their helmet before they go crazy.

Aside from calling me Saint Nick, Jayce’s also gotten into the habit of calling me “Little” brother ever since they hit their growth spurt- just because they’re a few inches taller. He’s also insistent that he’s the more attractive one out of the two of us since he’s a little bulkier and has tattoos and piercings.

“People like tattoos,” He insists.

Oh! There was also this one night I was working late at Aeon so I told Button ‘bout where the leftovers were in the fridge.

Get this though, it’s the sweetest thing ever- and most definitely something Jayce hasn’t told you- but I came home and my little bro was asleep on the couch. More importantly, he made dinner!

I’m wiping away a fake tear as I write this, just wanted you to know, Mom.

It’s getting late though and we’ve only got a week till Button has their first day at Unity, so I should go get started on dinner and keep Jayce all fueled up, especially when they’ve been busy taking their worries out on poor punching bags at the kickboxing center downtown.

I’ll be sure to write to you soon! Take care of yourself, Mom.

- Nick

Bonus Information:

MTBI: INTJ-A, The Architect

Temperament: Choleric

Zodiac: Virgo Sun, Scorpio Moon, Capricorn Rising

Alignment: Neutral Good

Greatest Assets: Optimistic and Resilient

Greatest Flaws: Combative. Very Combative. And Critical.

#my oc #oc #Mind Blind #mindblind #button wiseman #jayce wiseman #writing in Nick's pov is prob one of the harder things ive done since i have little refs #it might be super ooc im sorry

3 notes · View notes

darealnyangirl · 5 days

Text

Fuck Food

My relationship with food my whole life has not been the greatest. There was even a point in elementary where I thought I was fat because my friend had thinner legs than me, even though I was already very thin. One time my friend called me fat by saying I “looked like I had eaten 100 burgers” and even though looking back on that it sounds stupid, but it really affected me. I was in 3rd grade.

After girls my age started hitting puberty I felt like I was a little behind even though I was so young and it shouldn’t have mattered. It ended up in my body issues and confidence completely crumbling. I stopped wearing short sleeves and shorts because I hated showing skin and I felt extremely uncomfortable in anything where I could feel air on my skin. It’s still like that even to this day.

I used to tell myself that when I become a teenager I’ll be beautiful and pretty because all my friends were and every teenage girl I saw I was so beautiful. I was so confident in thinking everything would get better when it only got worse.

Over the pandemic is when I realized I wanted to gain weight because I would see girls on TikTok with “thick thighs” and I wanted that to be me. I was 12 years old and sending people thigh pics because I wanted that validation so bad, so I’d use angles or like move my skin around to create the illusion my legs were bigger. My biggest insecurity (one of them) has always been my calves. I hate my calves.

8th grade came and I was getting body shamed a lot and getting called “anorexic” or I would get told the super creative “eat a burger”. I would eat I just have a really hard time gaining weight and it’s been like that for my entire life. I have never had so many comments made about my body in one year and it didn’t stop.

9th grade the bullying continued and the body shaming was worse because people think its okay to call a skinny person anorexic but not an overweight person fat or to tell them to “eat a salad”. I spiraled down into thinking my body was disgusting and everyone who’s even been attracted to me is into little girls because to me I don’t look very developed. Having a boyfriend made the pressure worse. I always knew the kinds of girls he liked before we were dating because we were friends, and it was the complete opposite of me. I still sometimes feel like he just settled for me because I was “close enough” or “convenient” because I already liked him so why not? I hate thinking that way. I just find it so hard to believe someone can find me attractive or like me without something gross behind it or it being completely based off of being “good for now”.

I would write in my journal all the time about how I hated my body and wished to gain weight. I drew what I wanted to look like almost on the daily. I started to feel bad for my boyfriend because his girlfriend didn’t have what a stereotypical girl has physically and overall I’m just butt ugly. I didn’t let him see without makeup for a long time and even when I do now I feel like I can’t breathe and I always think that he hates me afterwords.

I started getting on these appetite pills and went to tons of doctors appointments because of my weight gain issue and I would have to drink protein shakes multiple times every single day. I started to gain weight and that’s when everything went downhill for me. I have never liked change. When I started fitting into clothes better it felt super weird but the part that changed everything on about what I really wanted was how my body actually looked after I gained the weight I thought I wanted. My weight distribution is horrible and it made me feel the ugliest I have ever felt. I was still forced to drink the shakes and take the pills though so there was nothing I could do. I started coping in super unhealthy and dangerous ways. I ended up almost going up to 100 pounds, which I feel like if I did I would’ve completely lost it. I had never felt so much hatred for myself than I did then.

I knew it got bad when I took the attempted rude comments about my body and how skinny I looked as a compliments rather than getting upset about them.

I stopped being monitored but doctor visits weekly and I started the lose the weight. I lost almost 20 pounds by the time I went to the doctors again which was a couple months. They started telling me if I lost any more I would be hospitalized which means I would be big again and have to look at my disgusting body. I was starting to feel good about my body too and confident to wear what I want and it’s not like I felt unhealthy. I felt the same as when I was at a healthy weight except this time I was happier and actually enjoyed looking at myself in the mirror a little bit.

This is where we are now. Anorexic and about to be put in forced recovery because I’ve been super depressed the past weeks like more than I’ve been in a while so I lost weight. I look good though but I really don’t want to go to the doctors and have them see I lost weight. I really don’t want to go to the doctors. It’s not like it’s easy for me to eat like the doctors and my parents think. Most of the time I think food is disgusting and when I do eat especially when I’m super stressed, I get full really fast. Food isn’t satisfying anymore. Sometimes I get hungry and I will eat full portions but immediately after look at myself in the mirror praying I’m not bloated and disgusting. No one in my life understands how my weight and how my body looks literally affects my entire life and mental health every single day. If I even gain one pound I feel like crying and I get a sense of fear. Like extreme fear that one day I’ll wake up obese.

Nothing online or no one is influencing this anymore, this is just how everything over the years has affected me and it’s only getting worse and I wish the doctor would just leave me alone. I don’t want to recover I just want to be happy with my body for once in my life instead of dreading showers because I have to take my clothes off and see myself whenever I do. It makes me feel sick. I make myself feel sick.

I can’t wait till the day I move out and nobody can force me into hating myself even more again. I just need to be left alone. Goodnight

#mental health #eating disoder trigger warning

0 notes

alyssamental · 1 year

Text

No one really talks about the mental adjustment of starting over.

In March of 2021 I moved across the country to a state I'd only visited once, in a relationship that was never going to last forever (though I thought it would at the time). A year passed in a wink, and suddenly I found myself mourning my relationship as any remaining winter chill left us. My only local friend being the now-ex boyfriend, I felt a sense of loneliness I never thought possible.

Despite the climb, I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life 6 months later. Born and raised in my new home, my lover had a full life. Friends, family, activities and a sense of place. I was also special enough to be welcomed in with open arms. Moving in at four months together was never on my 2023 bingo card, but it was meant to be (magically and fiscally... thanks housing market). I've lived in this beautiful little town for four months now. While I would never change a thing, I never considered the long and rough process of not only healing from my old life, but also acclimating into everyone else's.

Being new in a family, friend group, and place is exciting... but scary. Only time can take away the awkward beginnings and small talk. I want so desperately to fit in and fast forward to the greatest parts, though I know once I get there, I'll look back lovingly. While working from home and deciding to leave college aspirations behind, I have no easy way to make new, local, connections. My hobbies revolve around the online world, so how am I supposed to find my group when I'm such a homebody? Sometimes I feel like if I didn't switch to bi-weekly therapy sessions, I'd lose the last bit of myself that I've kept.

On top of everything else, I'm autistic. That's the first time I've said that confidently, though I lack an official diagnosis. I've considered it more than a dozen times, but am pushed back by the cost and possible cons it comes with. I'm afraid. Until my current partner, I've always felt completely alone. Even in the few good relationships I've had, I always still felt some barrier between them and me. Even when I was small, I felt different. I don't mean that in a silly quirky girly way. I mean that in a deep dark horrific way where I always felt no one wanted me around. Some made it very clear to my face, while others made fun of me instead for being ugly or annoying. I was lucky, as my best friend from childhood never let those people affect our friendship. While everyone wanted to be her friend, she was always mine and never left me behind.

The struggles to feel wanted didn't stop at home. "Can you just stop talking?", "be quiet!", "I'm not going out with you wearing that.". I never felt it was okay to fully be myself. Always felt I had to be moving to function. Spinning, moving my legs, making noises, singing, getting easily excited but also easily upset. Over time I learned what to say to make others happy. To fit in better. To be liked. I found writing and it became my personality and existence. I saved my true self for those who stuck around. A rare few, until I left my hometown and realized I shouldn't have to save my real self for those who felt safe. I shouldn't have to pretend to be someone else because of fear. I shouldn't care how others feel about me in the first 5 minutes of meeting. I should just be me.... how do I do that?

I've asked myself that almost every day, and I can't remember exactly when it started. Sometime after leaving the state I used to call home, and instead found home in a person rather than a place on a map. Now, in the best place I've ever been, I feel myself being thrown back and forth from loving this real me and my anxiety telling me how no one will like her and to just go back to how I once was, knowing I can't. How do autistic women find friendships in adulthood? I hardly ever say it aloud because while I see self-diagnosis as valid for others, it feels bad for myself. My therapist said it could be childhood trauma, not autism, as they present similarly. I don't know how that makes me feel.

Regardless, I'll keep going. I'm afraid of all the times I'll feel like this in the future (so aware of my own existence and loneliness and how long the path is ahead), but I can't stop. I can't run away. I won't. I'll just keep going until I figure it out. It's what I'd advise to anyone else. "You can do it. You've come so far, and you're magnificent the way you are."

#autism #journaling #trauma #adulthood #healing

1 note · View note

shoichee · 3 years

Note

Hey luv! I just got my braces off and I don’t know if I like myself with or without them cause yah girl has ✨confidence issues✨ so can you do the GoM + Kagami and Teppei thanks my savior

OH, rn i have braces too (although they’re ceramic and harder to see) but I definitely can understand the apprehension when you have them taken off after for so long;;

the amount of characters requested actually exceed the rules, but since i’ve taken a while to get to your request, i’ll still do them but they will be shorter^^ THANK YOU FOR STICKING BY THIS BLOG AND READING MY STUFF <3

[Headcanons]

Kuroko Tetsuya

right away, he notices that something was amiss with you, and asks upfront if anything was bothering you

you replied hesitantly, but while you talked you held up a hand in front of your mouth:

“Um… I don’t know if I like how I look right now…”

Kuroko stares at your nervous eyes and then looks down to your hand in front of your mouth before asking why

“Just got my braces off, and I feel a bit… weird without them? I feel like I look strange without them…”

“Do you mind if I see you?” he asks, softening his eyes at you

“W-Well… you’re not someone to judge, I know, but don’t… laugh or anything.”

“I won’t, (y/n)-san.”

he slowly brings your hand down and you slowly smile to reveal your teeth to him, and he gives you the purest smile… and that catches you off guard so badly like… YOUR TEETH GOT HIM TO SMILE LIKE THAT??? DAMN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SMILE EVERY SECOND TO SEE SUCH A TREASURE—

“(y/n)-san, I think you look wonderful,” he muses, bringing your same hand that was in front of your mouth into his own hand with a gentle squeeze. “I’m sure everyone who sees you will think the same.”

ah Kuroko, the individual who has a knack in comforting people with his genuity (example: see Momoi)

whenever you do have those moments of self-consciousness again, he’s always there to calmly reassure you otherwise

Kise Ryouta

IMMEDIATELY sees your teeth when you talk, and freaks out like a little kid on Christmas

“(y/n)-cchi! (y/n)-cchi!!” he hoots around, pointing at his own teeth. “You got your braces off today! You look amazing!”

when you hesitate and tell him that you’re not so sure about yourself without your braces, he pinches your cheek and gives a little dramatic huff

“But (y/n)-cchi…! Come onnnn, trust me!” he says, giving a signature pout, and you laugh at his antics

“Ohhh, do that again! Do that again!” (he craves for your laughs, and he wants more)

he definitely tries to get you to smile and laugh to get you more comfortable with your braceless teeth

whether you have braces or not, he doesn’t mind so much because what he really cares about is your smile, and if he sees your teeth showing, braces or without, it means that he knows he’s doing a good job in making you comfortable and happy

while he showers you in praises every single moment, when you feel really down, he takes an extra measure or two to cuddle you gently while being much softer in delivering those compliments

always gives a daily compliment to give you a serotonin boost

Midorima Shintarou

he’s confused… why would you be upset that you got your braces off? you looked great before and even now, so does the fact of braces really change your perception of your appearance that much?

he won’t make any comment on your new appearance unless you bring it up to him and ask for his opinion/reassurance

he’s just happy for you that you have another milestone of your life, and not to mention, braces generally promote better oral health and fix misaligned bites

“Hm? What do I think of how you look? D-Don’t be ridiculous… What am I supposed to say?”

“Well, I just… think I look a little odd… I kind of… want my braces back.”

“You know you can’t do that, nanodayo,” he sighs. “So much money, effort, and care were invested into your teeth for many years. You did the most you could to take care of them and achieved the goal you set out for yourself when you first got braces, correct? That isn’t something to be ashamed of, nanodayo.”

despite his lecturing, his words do have some merit, and Midorima’s words were comforting in his own way

“But Midorima, um… sorry for annoying you,” you say, giving a chagrined smile

Midorima takes a good look at your exposed teeth for the first time and widens his eyes in a fluster before turning his eyes back to his astrology book

“I-I-It’s nothing.”

bonus: he’s definitely that one fussy parent who forces you to wear your retainers religiously, NO EXCUSES—he doesn’t want the whole process to be all for naught just because you got lazy in wearing a simple metal thing

Aomine Daiki

idiot #1

“Whoa, your teeth look different,” is something he would say tactlessly

immediately, you slapped your hands over your mouth at his words

forgive him, he usually says what’s on his mind with no filter and consideration

by then, he’d realized that the tone of his words was poorly delivered and would try to correct himself before he says anything more to dig himself a deeper grave

“Er, sorry, what I mean is… I didn’t know you were gonna have them off today…”

that actually made you more self-conscious and you try to flee from the scene

“W-Wait, hey!”

insert Aomine clumsily explaining that he didn’t mean to be tactless with his words and that he just meant that he was surprised in a good way

definitely shows you a lot more wholesome affection in addition to his usual PDA, but you wonder what he thought about your new “appearance,” so to speak

“What kinda question is that?” he scoffs. “You’re still hot and always will be.”

if there’s one sure benefit to his blunt words, it’s that his straightforwardness can easily dispel all your doubts and clear up any misunderstandings in one go

if you’re still doubtful about yourself, he’ll gladly resort to action to prove his point… perhaps makeout sessions with him would become a lot more exploratory and… just putting it out there, but we will leave this up to your imagination

anywho, he’s not afraid to give you more direct kisses to try to show you that he doesn’t care about your teeth and your lack of braces

definitely would tell out-of-pocket jokes and laugh more to get you to grow comfortable; after all, smiling is contagious right? who can resist Aomine’s smile???

if someone tried to make you uncomfortable by drawing everyone’s attention nearby in how you got your braces off, whether intentional or not, he’s scaring them away, no questions asked and he’s taking you away from the scene

Murasakibara Atsushi

“Oh…” he says with his usual drawl. “You got them off, Chibi-chin?”

it was a usual day with him tucking his own head into his arms to nap on the table when you walked up to him apprehensively, and he immediately notices your presence but lazily picks up his head to look at you when he noticed

“Er… yeah…”

he slightly tilts his head to the side like an inquisitive child to silently question what was wrong

“It’s nothing really! Just feeling tired… not in the talkative mood today.” as you said this, he noticed that you were more… tight-lipped, speaking in a quieter manner as if you were trying not to show your teeth as much as possible

he beckons a languid hand over and you reluctantly sit by his side, your face still slightly turned away

you thought he was just going to go back to sleep like he always does, but imagine your surprise when he easily picks you up from the side and placed you on his lap, face-to-face

Murasakibara then pulls your cheeks apart, revealing your pearly whites to him

“H-H-Hey!! Lert… gorw!”

“Don’t wanna.”

“I’m… serwious!”

he stares at you impassively for a few moments before he suddenly lets your cheeks go and yawns

“... you look fine, Chibi-chin,” he mumbles, and he sets you off his lap before getting up with a stretch. “Besides, now that you don’t have braces anymore, you can finally eat whatever you want right…?”

“I… guess I can…”

and he’s already reaching for your hand to tug you to the nearest takeout with a slight shine of excitement in his dark pupils

“Chibi-chin, we can finally eat those candy apples together you’ve always craved for, lots and lots…”

he’s very fixated on you eating with your braceless teeth for the next few weeks with a small smile on his face, because you enjoying the food you eat are some of the simplest joys he loves when he’s with you (and you hadn’t been able to do that because your braces forbidden you from eating a list of things)

definitely drags you out for food outings a lot more for the next few weeks

he tries his best in trying to make you not think about your teeth and your self-consciousness about them in his roundabout way (note: see his cheek pulling, distracting you with your favorite snacks, etc.)

he’s not someone to make any deal out of it because worrying over such a trivial thing is annoying to him, but nonetheless he certainly wants to make sure that nothing is bothering you because that’s the greatest inconvenience (since he doesn’t like to see you in such a state)… you being upset and worried makes him upset and worried, after all

Akashi Seijuro

he immediately understands that feeling of self-doubt/self-consciousness, but nonetheless he compliments you to let you know that he truly finds you desirable/beautiful inside and out

still, words alone sometimes don’t convince you and even when he gives physical affection to comfort you, there’s still that nagging feeling of how you felt about your teeth

and he’s totally okay with that, and he knows that feeling very well himself (regarding having inner voices that taunt him)

rather than constantly hammering in compliments because he knows that at some point they’d feel more disingenuous the more he says them, he offers you to help overcome the self-consciousness on your own terms

Akashi offers the suggestion of wearing face masks (not necessarily the surgical ones, but the cute/plain colored masks you’d see around!) if you have certain days where you feel low about your braceless teeth

he’d be quite sly and teasing all the while; whenever you wear your cute mask for the day, he’d be a lot more affectionate with the PDA and give pecks on your lips… but the mask is always in the way, preventing you from feeling actual contact with his own lips

he can tell you’d definitely get pouty when you don’t really feel those kisses and he simply laughs and walks on

“You…! I know you only try to kiss me when I have the mask on! Don’t play dumb with me!”

“Hm? Is it really a crime for me to show physical affection to the person I love?”

he eventually does help you coax you out and become comfortable, and your face masks would eventually be stored away in a drawer

he rewards you for being strong in overcoming your own doubts:

“To celebrate your strength in overcoming a huge milestone, what would you like your reward to be?”

“For starters, give me back all those kisses you tried to give me throughout all the times I wore a mask!”

“Of course,” he chuckles, moving closer to your lips. “How could I ever resist you when you’re this stunning?”

Kagami Taiga

idiot #2 (see idiot #1)

unlike idiot #1, idiot #2 doesn’t notice the change on your teeth, at all

he doesn’t know why you’re fidgeting around or acting really, really strange… were you hungry? upset at him for something he didn’t realize he did wrong?

so after a few days after you got your braces off, he finally asks:

“Is there something wrong? Did I do something to upset you?”

poor guy doesn’t know if he was at fault or if he was missing something, and he physically holds his head to try to recall EVERYTHING for the past week

you reassure him that it wasn’t anything like that, but you still had furrowed brows and you were very careful in how you were talking

Kagami thinks you haven’t eaten and offers to make dinner, but eating in front of him for some reason really didn’t sound like a good idea to you so you declined

you’ll eventually tell him that you just felt a bit self-conscious after your braces got taken off

“Huh?”

he stares at your teeth for a very long time, and you immediately regret it, not wanting to draw his attention to you like that

he snaps out of his intense daze and immediately apologizes for making you uncomfortable

“M-My bad… I just didn’t notice until you told me.”

“Really?” you ask, slightly relieved that the change wasn’t as drastic as you thought it would be

“Er, yeah…” he mumbles, scratching his cheek, “you look good, by the way…” but by the time he finished his compliment, it came out as a cough

you can only laugh in relief, knowing that everything he says is always earnest and sincere

Kiyoshi Teppei

definitely noticed that your braces were off, but pretends to not notice until you bring it up yourself because he’s quite sharp and in tune with other people’s emotions

so he treats you like he always does, being the sweet “airhead” that he is, and he waits until you bring it up yourself (because he knows how self-conscious you were about your lack of braces)

you yourself are confused… like… was Teppei actually dense? was your whole inner dilemma not a big deal like your mind thought it would be?

you tug on his sleeve one day and ask him if he noticed your teeth, pointing to them all the while

and he immediately chastises himself (“silly me”) for not noticing, and he tells you that you were beautiful either way, and whether you had braces or not didn’t change that inherent fact (and that was his “reason” for not noticing to reassure you)

all while giving his easy going chuckles and ruffling your hair

laughs at your shyness at his words, not because it’s funny or anything but he truly finds you adorable

once you get comfortable without giving a second thought about your braces gone, he just drops the truth bomb on you so casually like:

“Ahhhh (y/n)-san,” he sighs in nostalgia. “You were really cute when you were so shy about getting them off, you know that?”

“Now wait a second…”

“Hm?”

“What did you say?”

“That you’re really cute.”

“No, no, the other part.”

“Whenever you get shy.”

“That is not what I mean and you know that—”

“Aww, you’re being really cute right now, (y/n)-san. Don’t tempt me to carry you around when I just finished with my physical therapy.”

344 notes · View notes

jezy · 2 years

Text

Headcannons about Zombozo & Dr. Animo

Dr. Animo's favorite animal is a frog. Zombozo's favorite is a weasel.

Zombozo's friends always calls him by his first name, Herbert.

Zombozo calls Dr. Animo, Jamie (A very gender neutral name he came up with whilst they're talking one day) cause he knows about her being trans.

Zombozo & Dr. Animo only have a 6 month age gap.

Zombozo is non-binary and Dr. Animo is gay.

They were 5 & 6 when they met before quickly becoming friends.

They were 18 & 19 when Dr. Animo & Zombozo declared they were not friends anymore after an incident one night at prom.

And they were 36 & 37 when they met again, made up, apologized and forgave each other.

Their ages now are 54 (For Zombozo) & 55 (For Animo).

They broke into Dr. Animo's ex's house just so Jamie can see her daughter before the police showed up and they get arrested for the first time.

They're very gay to each other but the other doesn't know.

And sometimes Zombozo just regularly, plainly makes Jamie's ex suffer as revenge for hurting her.

That's also the reason why Zombozo started doing crime, cause it really felt liberating and fun to just do them with no care in the world.

"Hey, Jamie?"

"Hm?"

"What would be our aliases since we're now criminals?"

"Hmm, I don't know yet... 'Doctor Animo' sounds good though..."

"Oh hell yeah! That definitely fits right in your title!"

"Well what about you? Have you come up with any names for yourself?"

"Hmm, I'm work shopping with 'Clown Zombie' or 'The Clown'. I don't know, 'Herbert John Zomboni' is a hard one to make nicknames with."

"...What about 'Zombozo'?"

"'Zombozo'..." The words that left in their mouth was so smooth, perfect villain name if you ask him.

"That's a perfect nickname! You're a genius, 'Dr. Animo'!"

"Thanks. I'm really grateful for what you did for me, for helping me get to see my daughter and talk with her probably for the last time..."

"Hey no worries, Jamie. I'm just glad I could help making you feel happy again."

"I should be glad at you too. And... I'm still sorry for what happened 18 years ago, I was such a jerk back then when I yelled at you just because of a crush that dumped me in front of the whole school...."

"Hey, its fine now. That's in the past, and I'm sorry for pushing you into doing that. That was a really dumb idea. I deserved to get yelled at that night."

"Oh nonsense, it was the most greatest idea you made, next to your plan on breaking inside my ex's house of course." That got out a chuckle from them.

"When I was wearing that dress you bought for me, and the fact you gave me a girly makeover that day, I was confident. A little nervous, but I felt pride swelling inside my chest when I saw myself in the mirror."

"When we were in that gym for prom night, I was really...happy, I felt like I was gonna pass out because of that, but I didn't! And that's something!"

"What I'm saying is--" She grabs their shoulders and looked at them in the eyes. "It's not your fault, things went south that day of prom. And I thank you again, Herbert."

"And I thank you back too, Jamie."

They were besties since childhood. And they were lovers now.

#ben 10 #ben 10 reboot #ben 10 fandom #dr animo #zombozo #ben 10 headcannon #ben 10 2016 #ship names #send them in #right now #transgender #gay #queer guy #nonbinary

18 notes · View notes

dongofthewolf · 3 years

Text

Everything in Between- Chapter 1

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader

The reader stumbles across Abby one sleepless night and can’t help but become an absolute stuttering mess.

Warnings: swearing, mild violence, fluff, bad grammar lol

I’m extremely new to this so please be gentle T-T

Read chapter 2 here !

The first thing that you always noticed about a person was their eyes (it’s cliché you knew that, but you really couldn’t help it), and anyways… that was the first thing you noticed about her. The first time you saw her it was pouring outside; the kind of pouring where it got dark at 5pm and the reflections in the puddles on the pavement—partly distorted by the heavy raindrops—looked like fun house mirrors. It was brief and she only passed you for a second, but the clouds that were concealing the sun left a shadow of darkness in the air and in her eyes. Making her regularly blue eyes a much darker shade from the lack of sunlight, a blue that looked like the part of the ocean you can see from the shore but avoid from fear you may drown in it.

You had forgotten your umbrella that day leaving your hair drenched, you were shivering from the cold and desperately made your way to your room as quickly as you could. But as you hastily walked with your head down in an effort to conceal your eyes from the raindrops, you bumped into her. She was a lot taller than you and was incredibly built, she had her long blonde hair in a neat braid and was wearing some simple cargo pants with a grey sweater. She was also carrying some bags but you were walking too fast to really get a good look at them. Although this was the first time you had seen her and it was only for a moment you’ll never forget those eyes, those dark blue eyes that made it seem as if she was hiding from something. That was the first time you saw her but it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

It was stormy again but at least today you were inside, the howling of the wind against the windows woke you up and when you glanced at the digital clock it read 2:30. You always had trouble falling asleep again once you were woken from your slumber, and found that you required at least an hour before you could actually sleep again. Since it was so late though you figured that the cafeteria would be empty and you could grab a cup of tea before going back to bed, you also often sat in the commons room to read because it’s pretty isolated from the rest of the place and very seldom did anyone else sit there too.

You pulled a black crewneck over your messy hair and put on some slides before making your way down to the cafeteria, the hallways leading up to it were lit with fluorescent lights that burned your eyes when you stepped out of the darkness of your room. It was surprisingly silent (with the exception of your footsteps of course) and after living in a place constantly occupied by so many people for so many years, it was a rare occasion to find some peace and quiet; an anomaly that still surprised you to this day.

The cafeteria was nothing special, there were 30-40 folding tables lined up near the big tear stained windows and next to the kitchen there was a communal fridge with a basket of fruits no one dared to touch. Cabinets lined the whole half of the room and you reached into the second last one to grab some chamomile tea before setting the kettle on the stove.

You sat by the windows while you waited for the water to boil when you saw a strike of lightning, it was purple and quickly followed by a large cracking noise which weirdly enough didn’t quite startle you. You supposed that after all these years of living in a place that is universally known to rain more than anything, you become accustomed to the crashing sound of thunder and the sudden flashes of lightning. Plus, it’s a lot better than the sound of guns going off or those dreaded clickers that haunted your nightmares. So consumed by your thoughts you hadn’t even noticed the whistling noise coming from the tea kettle. It wasn’t until you heard an unfamiliar voice that nearly made you leap out of your skin, you turned around and standing there was the very girl you had briefly seen that rainy afternoon just three days ago.

“You gonna get that or should I?” She was wearing some grey sweats and a khaki tank top that showcased her huge biceps, you admired her toned forearms, unable to form any combination of words that wouldn’t make you sound like a complete and utter idiot. She must have noticed you staring though because she repeated the question with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk. “Hello?” She asked.

“Right… sorry” you immediately responded. You laughed nervously and hurriedly ran to the tea kettle, a small blush forming on your cheeks as you removed it from the stovetop. While pouring the hot water into a small cup you quickly threw the tea bag in so she wouldn’t notice your shaking hands, as you threw the bag in you quietly ignored the quickening beat of your heart. At this point you couldn’t tell if the shaking was because you were startled by her sudden presence or if you were nervous because of the literal goddess staring down at you.

“Sorry again about that I was just distracted.” You looked up and she was studying you with those same blue eyes, the intensity from her gaze made you ramble on.

“Did you want some tea? I accidentally boiled too much water, I guess eyeballing measurements just isn’t my forte.” You chuckled again, clearly flustered by this gorgeous woman looking at you in your damn pajamas. Somehow even at two in the morning she managed to look effortlessly beautiful and you couldn’t help but be fiercely jealous of her overwhelming confidence. Up until now, no one had ever had this effect on you, then all of a sudden this stranger looks at you once and BOOM you’re a stuttering mess.

“Sure, does this place have any chamomile tea?” She said nonchalantly while grabbing a chair from the stack in the corner. She sat in it backwards with her arms resting on top of the chair and you flashed a glance at her toned forearms “holy shit is she strong” you thought.

“Yeah, I’m having some too actually.” You poured out the tea and sat down across from her, this was the first time you had actually been able to really see her and you were in awe of how gorgeous she was; Her hair was in a simple braid which had a few strands astray (most likely from sleeping in it) and she had these adorable freckles that spread from her face all the way down to her arms. She was staring at her cup with those same intense blue eyes—this time the fluorescents adding a tint of green to them—she looked like a statue that was literally sculpted by the Gods and you couldn’t take your eyes off of her. As you looked down at her calloused hands that were cupping the warm ceramic cup, you noticed that they were a lot larger than your own, but they also had a delicacy to them; the kind of delicacy that deserved to be in a museum. Every aspect of her was absolutely perfect and never in your life had you seen someone like her, you were struck with this sudden need to know everything about her (even though she didn’t really seem like the chatty kind). Consumed by the essence of her beauty and strength you almost hadn’t realized that she was talking to you, and “oh God” You thought “I was staring again”.

“So uh… what’s your name?” It was obvious she was trying to fill the silence but there was a softness and kindness to her words, almost as if she was trying to appear harmless.

“Y/n and yours?” You replied in the calmest way that you could even though your hands were shaking like crazy, you gripped on to your cup for dear life hoping she wouldn’t notice. You were always so terrible around new people and now with the combination of not just a complete stranger, but an incredibly charming and attractive stranger? You were surely doomed.

“It’s Abigail but you can call me Abby, most everybody does.” She was clearly not oblivious to your nervous manner (and your staring) but she pretended not to notice, probably to spare you the embarrassment. Having people stare at her was nothing new to Abby and honestly, she liked it. She felt powerful and strong when men were intimidated by her, but the way y/n was staring at her was different. It certainly wasn’t fear because despite the shaking of y/n’s hands that she tried so desperately to conceal, she didn’t look at Abby with fear “Perhaps it was admiration?” Abby thought. But she soon nudged any ideas of romanticism from her mind figuring that y/n was probably into those douchebags who act cocky and disrespectful but are too chicken to ask a girl out; Abby despised disrespectful people. However, if there was anything that Abby hated more than disrespectful assholes, it was embarrassment. Abby’s confidence was one of her greatest strengths, it was like a shield she put forward that helped her endure the incredibly misogynistic environment she lived in. She figured that the staring was just intimidation. Abby was quite confident in her ability to judge a person’s character and brushed any thoughts of attraction to the back of her mind, not wanting to risk the possibility of rejection or being wrong.

“So what brings you to the cafeteria at this fine hour? Besides the tea of course.” She smirked, her smile was so infectious that you couldn’t help but smile as well.

“I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, figured I’d drink some tea and read for a bit in the commons room. Better than laying in my bed and staring at the ceiling for an hour I guess.” You stopped yourself before you could say something stupid or embarrassing. “What about you?”

“I just got here a couple days ago and I’m a pretty light sleeper which normally would be fine, but that damn thunder won’t shut the hell up!” She pointed her fist to the sky dramatically and you couldn’t help but giggle, she looked at you with a smile. “They stationed me here to do some work and I haven’t had much time to myself, they gave me some time off tomorrow and now thanks to this storm I’m gonna spend it passed out in my bed.” She paused, contemplating her words before continuing. “I’m glad I met you though, late nights are much better with company.” You could feel a heat trickle to your cheeks. “So what are you reading?”

“Pride and Prejudice” You answered excitedly. “It’s my favourite book, I’ve read it like a hundred times. I guess I’m just a sucker for cheesy love stories” She grinned.

“It was good but Elizabeth? She was way out of Darcy’s league, I mean yeah she had pride but Darcy was prideful and snobby.” You giggled at her response and the thought of this tough and brawny girl reading Jane Austen. “I mean, if you’re gonna have a terrible character trait just choose one. Not both!”

“Okay… But you gotta admit they were perfect for each other” You added. “Their weaknesses complimented each other and then their strengths the same. It’s like they were meant to find each other, and I mean just the thought of something like that gives me hope you know?” She looked at you with a raised eyebrow, urging you to elaborate. “Soulmates, I mean… just the thought of there being one single person on this entire Earth who was put here alongside you, the perfect match who’s strengths compliment your weaknesses and vice versa makes me feel some sort of hope.” You felt yourself getting carried away and decided to let her speak. “What can I say, I guess I’m nothing if not an optimist.”

“I get what you mean but I feel like that’ll just set you up for disappointment. There's so much more to life than just love and finding your ‘soulmate’. There’s thunderstorms, books, good food, there’s family and friends, and strangers that make you tea.” she glanced at you and your heart skipped a beat “this is insane!” You thought “Not only is she totally gorgeous, but she’s smart and funny? God she’s so perfect I think I might melt where I stand”

“Fine, fine, you got me there.” You smiled and was struck with this sudden feeling of security that you’d never felt before Abby, and though you’d never really admit it, you realized that all this time living in a facility had made you really lonely. Speaking to Abby was seriously the first time in this place that you weren’t thinking about the end of the world or crying over lost family and friends. At this small fold-out table in this dull and dreary cafeteria, you felt the first modicum of safety that you hadn’t felt for a really long time, and it was all because of her. You noticed that your mind had wandered off again of course but Abby’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as well, she had an almost nervous or unsure look on her face.

“Hey, so I know you said you were gonna go read in the commons room but do you think you could ditch Elizabeth and Darcy for a bit? I haven’t really gotten a chance to see this place and I was hoping you could maybe give me a tour.” Abby asked in a casual tone, hoping y/n wouldn’t notice the slight nervousness in her voice.

“Of course! I’d love to show you around, though there isn’t much to see other than empty halls and abandoned rooms” You replied enthusiastically. You were ecstatic, she was the first person you had really connected with in a while and you jumped at the opportunity to spend more time with her.

“I don’t mind, as long as I have you to keep me company.” She winked at you and smiled warmly. You felt your heart skip a beat again “Is Abby flirting with me?” You thought. “Nah, probably not” She was the coolest and most beautiful girl you’d ever seen. What would she see in you? Plus Abby probably isn’t even into girls, she’s just being friendly.

You walked her through each of the empty halls and corridors while you guys chatted about books, friends, family, life before the outbreak, and everything in between. You even traded embarrassing dating stories in which you both had to stifle loud outbursts of laughter so you wouldn’t wake up the rest of the facility. While you were speaking about your various dating escapades you decided to sprinkle in a story about a girl to see Abby’s reaction.

“Okay okay I got a good one, so once I was dating this girl and we actually moved in with each other like a month into the relationship but that’s not important. Anyways, so I had this cat right and when we broke up a few months later and she moved out, she took the cat!” You both bursted out laughing. “She literally stole my cat and I was so pissed that I keyed ‘thief’ into her car.”

“Remind me not to piss you off y/n, you’re a vengeful one.” Abby chuckled and responded casually. You were slightly unsatisfied, she hadn’t reacted to that statement (or any of the subtly gay references you made) at all and you couldn’t tell if it was because she liked girls or because she didn’t care. It didn’t really bother you that much though because this was the most fun you had had in a long time. When you were laughing and talking with Abby all the thoughts about your family and impending doom—thoughts that were once constant—had begun to fade away. All that mattered now was Abby, she was the best thing that had happened to you in a really long time and you were so grateful to have met her.

By the time you guys had decided to depart it was six in the morning, Abby walked you back to your room and you couldn’t help but feel like every atom in your entire body was vibrating.

You had spent an entire night with this amazing girl who was now the first friend that you’ve had in a while, your cheeks were bright red and your heart felt like it was shaking. When you laid your head on your pillow to sleep you couldn’t shake the thought of those brilliant blue eyes, and that clever, knowing grin that made you melt. God, and you couldn’t forget those gigantic biceps, you just wanted her to crush your skull with those beautiful, freckled arms. You adored her, and as you drifted off into a deep and peaceful slumber you dreamt of the most incredibly gorgeous, funny, charming, and intelligent girl you had ever met: Abigail Anderson.

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson imagine #abby anderson #abby tlou #fluff #fxf #tlou #tlou2 #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #the last of us imagine

200 notes · View notes

straymackerel · 4 years

Note

17 for Ranpo or Dazai, please? 😌❤

ranpo + kaapshljmurslis (latvian, n.) being cramped in public transportation during rush hour.

➽─{hehe yes sir/ma’am/dear/person in the world!! 🖤 this is a perfect pairing!}─❥

The young man is clearly lost.

Wedged between many a nine-to-five worker, he squints at the subway map for much longer than any native, self-respecting Japanese citizen normally would. He’s dressed in attire reminiscent of a Sherlock Holmes Halloween costume—odd for the occasion, doubly odd for the region. You wonder if maybe he’s a foreigner, or perhaps a hikikomori wearing cosplay of some sort, but you keep to yourself. ‘Packed like sardines’ doesn’t quite do the environment justice; no, this subway train must be denser than a rock through and through. No way you could hold an actual conversation with him even if you wanted to.

...Or so you thought.

“Hellooooo, someone? Anyone? I need some assistance!” the caped man yells out, arms flailing as wide as his surroundings allow him. The disturbance is left largely ignored, with those closest to him shifting uncomfortably in their precarious positions. “Yoo-hoo! I think I’m on the wrong train!” You watch as most of the onlookers turn a cold shoulder. In fact, many are visibly irked when he practically screams down their ears.

“Please, this is serious! I have some very, very important matters to attend to!” he continues, eyebrows furrowing. His lips begin to form a pout.

Geez, what’s the matter with everyone? you think to yourself. Do I really have to be the one to do this? You sigh, finally turning towards the provocateur’s direction when he shows no signs of stopping. The shouting match that ensues comes at the expense of the other commuters’ comfort; there’s no need to make eye contact with them to know that they’re glaring you down.

“Where are you going?” you ask, voice competing over the dozens of others in the car, as well as the background ambience of wheels against railing. You wince at how loud you’re being, but it’s too late now. You’ve already made the commitment to helping.

“Naka Ward! Probably!” You stand in silence, dumbfounded. Probably?

“There are only two lines in Yokohama Metro,” you yell back. You struggle to maintain your balancing act as the masses shuffle around you, annoyed at all the noise you’re making. “You want to get on the other line!”

Visibly confused, the man looks at you, then the map, and then back. His messy hair flops around under his newsboy cap as he turns back and forth.

“Would you help me get there? I don’t think I can switch trains by myself!”

You ponder his request for a moment: on one hand, Naka Ward is a ways from your own destination. On the other hand, someone who’s seriously lost should most certainly not be left alone. He speaks up when you hesitate a moment too long.

“There’s a reward!” he adds, proud expression on his face. The people around you start to look up at the disheveled stranger, interests suddenly piqued. “I’m a very important person. I have business with the Armed Detective Agency!”

By now he’s garnered the attention of most in the vicinity. They begin to clamor, making hushed whispers amongst each other and loud offers to the self-proclaimed client. To think that this unusual man in unusual clothes is actually paying for a private investigation—and with none other than the famed ADA! A wannabe detective, perhaps? A fanatic?

“I’ll take you up on that! It’s on my way!” one woman yells, sticking her chest out. Liar, you think. It should be out of the way for everyone on this train. Another man calls out: “I’ll bring you straight to the front steps!” Hands go flying, heads go bobbing. Surprised, you begin to fade back into the crowd. It doesn’t come as the biggest disappointment, as your home is in the opposite direction, but that reward did sound interesting…

“Please, please. I’d like to hear from the helpful individual first,” the young man’s voice suddenly booms into the uproar. Head perking up again, your gaze rises to find him shooting an inordinately bright, toothy smile at you. In that very moment, you make your decision.

“We’re getting off at the next stop,” you shout back, confident in your choice. A handful of riders shoot even more dirty looks at you, muttering under their breaths, but it doesn’t last for long. As if cued by your answer, the subway car begins to slow down, each thump of metal on metal growing further and further apart. With the sheer volume of passengers in the confines of this box, it’s a miracle that the two of you make it to the car’s exit in time.

“Where to?” he asks in, for the first time, a proper indoor voice. It’s strange; with Japanese as fluent as his, he should be able to read the signs on the other side of the platform, right...? When you point them out to him, his eyes widen from their perpetual closedness. You notice, for the first time, that they’re an emerald green.

“Oh okay, the blue line? Man, I really thought it was this one! I always get the two mixed up,” he says, not an ounce of shame in his tone. You only offer a curt laugh in response before realizing that he’s serious. He makes no attempt to look around as he follows directly behind you. “Through the turnstiles? Are you sure?” he asks. You nod solemnly.

“As long as we don’t leave the station.” You lead him through the chaos of rush hour, weaving through the unabating throngs of people. No other words are exchanged as you scramble for a new topic to talk about. You end up waiting for your next train with not much else to say.

“So what’s your business with the Armed Detective Agency?” you ask, making an attempt at conversation. When he looks at you with a quirked eyebrow, you feel the sudden urge to take it back.

“You’re kidding, right?” Amusement dances on his lips as he speaks.

“Oh, my bad! My curiosity got the better of me,” you say hastily, apologetic in your every word. “Of course you’d want to keep that between you and the private investigators.” You wave your hands about as if trying to dispel your tactlessness.

“Oh?” A smile creeps onto your new companion’s face. “You mean you really don’t know who I am?”

Puzzled, you only manage to shake your head, to which he reaches into his coat pocket. The caped man produces a pair of rectangular glasses, whipping them on as you hear the distant roar of an incoming train. His haughty air comes into full swing as he pronounces:

“It is I, Edogawa Ranpo, Greatest Detective of them all!”

His coat rustles in the wind, hair fluttering about for dramatic effect. You stand still in what Ranpo initially takes to be stunned silence, but it doesn’t take Super Deduction for him to verify your confusion as you ask in absolute earnest:

“I’m sorry, who?”

#ranpo x reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd x reader #edogawa ranpo #ranpo oneshot #ranpo imagines #bsd imagines #bsd ranpo #bungou stray dogs scenarios #500 followers event #ranpo edogawa

402 notes · View notes