#i cant imagine living my sad little life without it

[anni-aughta]

bye i get so sad when i think abt how few people have watched cr and gotten to experience how insane and cool and amazing it is

[amaya-writes]

rewatched black clover then saw your event and now i'm thinking how would Finral, Gauche and Leo introduce their fiance to their siblings. for the sake of this req let's say their siblings had no idea they were getting engaged (for Leo maybe his sis knew but brother didn't? idk i cant imagine neither of them knowing)

Ringtober Masterlist

Notes: sorry for the delay!

Warnings: n/a just fluff

Characters involved: Finral Roulacase, Gauche Adlai, Leopold Vermillion

Fem reader, you/yours

Finral Roulacase

His brother needs a minute.

Literally just points at Finral then you and goes you actually managed to convice her to fall for you?

Might make fun of Finral a bit but Finral can tell he's secretly happy for him.

Langris is more interested in the ring than you, he is glad to say that his brother has good taste in jewellery.

They end up discussing family matters after that and what's going to happen with certain pre established marriage agreements.

Overall Langris doesn't really care much, sure he's happy his brother found someone but it's kind of a 'meh' moment for him.

He isn't interested in getting to know you either, in his head you're like the Black Bulls—someone his brother likes but he doesn't particularly care for.

Don't expect to see much of him around either, although he does expect a wedding invite even if he might snark on about not attending.

He does in fact attend.

Gauche Adlai

His sister is so excited it's honestly adorable.

You've already met in the past since Gauche had to introduce the two most important girls in his life to each other, but she gets very excited at the prospect of having you as her future sister.

Gauche has to roam around with tissues because he keeps getting nosebleeds at the idea of the three of you living together like a happy lil family.

Once she finds our you're going to be her future sister in law his sister constantly asks about you when Gauche visits. He almost can't visit her without you because she sometimes seems sad and then Gauche feels very bad.

This one time the two of you got into a fight and she asked about you and told Gauche something along the lines of you better not take my sister away from me and to this day he does his best to never argue with you.

Overall your relationship is really sweet. Since Gauche is kind of like her father figure anyways you sort of become a maternal figure for her.

Leopold Vermillion

Fuegoleon is so genuinely surprised he doesn't even know how to react.

Their parents called all three children to the house for dinner which was surprising in itself, so when he sees you there he is pretty confused.

You're a close family friend, and ever since you were children it was sort of a given that Leo was yours and you were his. You two were just fated to be together.

But Fuegoleon presumed that his parents would at least give him of all people some forewarning before an engagement.

He ends up finding out that Leo actually proposed out of nowhere, you accepted and told both families a few days ago.

So why was Fuegoleon so late to the party?

His sister finds the entire situation funny and doesn't miss a beat before teasing Fuegoleon for being slow and not seeing the signs. Like how Leo suddenly decided to visit their grandfather (for a ring that was pre decided) the day he proposed.

Fuegoleon is honestly very pleased with the entire ordeal. You were always like a little sister to him anyways, but now that relationship is just solidified.

He does however tease Leo quite a bit about being a man and the responsibilities that come with marriage.

He's kind of surprised that Leo is going to be the first of the three of them to be married. That's Fuegoleon biggest concern rather than the sudden announcement.

Mereoleona definitely teases him about how their little brother has a better love life than him.

[worldussysblog]

Way Back Home | Twisted Wonderland X Reader/Yuu

Summary: In which Yuu is finally able to go back home, all thanks to Ortho's genius mind and Mickey's help.

Ft.Yuu, Grim , Ace , Deuce , Jack , Epel, Ortho , Mickey (mention) , Malleus (Mention)

Warnings: Book 7 Spoilers , slight mention/implied Malleyuu, Grammatical errors, angst with a happy ending , Gender Neutral! Yuu

English is not my first language so please bear with me!

Thanks to Ortho's genius mind and Mickey's help they manage to connect the mirror in Ramschackle Dorm to your world. Ace, Deuce , Grim , Epel and Jack were all there when Ortho had announced that he and Mickey finally finished Yuu's way back home. All of them are happy for Yuu, happy that their friend who's from another world is finally able to go back home , home a place where they used to belong , a place that's not Twisted wonderland. But despite the happiness they felt for their friend they cant help but feel a sense of sadness unto their chest as the realization hits them like a brick, this is it Yuu is going back to their world meaning there will be no one who will stop the braincell trio from doing anymore shenigans and will save them from getting in trouble with their housewarden.

This is not what they expected to hear as soon as Yuu along with Ortho had called them to meet at Ramshackle Dorm, sure they expect that it must've been about meeting Mickey along with the clues about the other world but not this!, it's not what they have in mind it might sound selfish but they really wanted Yuu to stay at Twisted Wonderland with them and they all will graduate in NRC and Yuu will be there to capture the moment when finally all reached to their goals and dreams and someday in the future after they graduate they all will have their little meet ups, talking about their daily lives and looking back to the times where they all cause troubles left and right during their school days and all of them will be support Yuu when they finally decided to confessed their feelings to a certain dragon and they will all be watching Yuu walking down the aisle as they get married to the love of their life. That's the future they all imagine, a future on whereas they all had reached their happy ending.

But.... looking at the situation they're all currently in , they doubt that any of it will happen considering Yuu is going back home, sure it might still happen to some of them but it will never be the same without Yuu.

"Wahh, We finally finished it!" Ortho happily said

"Yeah, thanks to your genius mind and with Mickey's help Prefect can finally go back to their world" Deuce stated as he smiled but his smile didn't reached his eyes.

"Agreed" Epel and Jack said in unison

"So... you're finally going back home huh" Ace said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Not that im going miss you or anything" he quickly added as he wiggle his hands in front of him.

"Yeah sure, what ever helps you sleep at night man" Epel said to Ace

"Huh?! The hell you mean by that?!" Ace Argued

As Epel were about to retort back another voice had beat him to it.

"If you go home, what will happen to me? Will I still be able yo stay here or will I be kick out once you're gone?" Grim said as he looks down on the floor below him with his ears down.

Silence had filled the room as soon as Grim said/ask those words Epel and Ace stops in their tracks and look at him.

"[Ahh that's right Prefect and Grim are counted as one student so there's a possiblity that grim might get kick out since he's not a qualified student]" They all thought as they all give Grim a look of sadness and pity.

Much to their suprise the silence that had engulf the room was replace by a sound of laughter that had come from the Prefect

"HUH?! Why are you laughing?!" Ace Said

"Yeah!!, what's so damn funny huh henchman?!, im here being all sad that you're leaving and thinking about my possible future and yet you're laughing?!" Grim angrily said as he uses his paws to punch your legs.

"Im sorry you guys, it's just pfftt AHAHAEHFUWODJE" Yuu said between laughter while wiping the tears in their eyes. Once you finally stop laughing and started to compose yourself you turned to them.

"So mind telling us why you suddenly laughing?" Ace asked

"It's just that did you all really think that I'm going back home?" Yuu said as they look at them seriously

"HUH?!/EH?!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK HOME?!" Ace said while waving his hands in frentzy manner

"Yeah! I agree what do you mean by that? And what about Ortho and Mickey's hard work?!" Deuce added

"Jeez you guys one question at a time" Yuu said.

"Okay, First of all im not going back home because even if i did go back it's not certain whether the people i used to know before being send here is still alive" Yuu added

"Eh? What's that supposed to mean?" Epel Asked

"I mean, who knows? Maybe the time between Twisted Wonderland and My world goes differently like for example what if 2 months pass by here and 5 years had passed since then in my world? Think of it like astronaut who spent 3 months in space and when they go back to land a lot of years had pass" Yuu answered as they shrugged their shoulders.

"Well they do have a point" Jack said, agreeing to what Yuu had said.

"Besides I'm not the type of person who breaks their promise" Yuu added

"And to answer your question on my hard work being wasted , it wasn't wasted because there was never a way to go back home for Yuu" Ortho said as he flew to them

"Huh? Wait what?!"

"No.." Epel said

"Way.." Deuce continue

"HOME?!" Ace yelled

"Ffgna?! What do you mean by that Ortho?!" Grim added

"It's just as what Ortho had said , there was never a way back home for me" Yuu said while chuckling to their self as they look at their friends' faces

"Yup that's right , no matter how hard we work to find a way we can't really find what we're looking for until we finally had come to conclusion that there was never really a way back home for them" Ortho explained

"And besides even if Ortho and Mickey did found a way back home for me , I'm still staying here because i have found my futute here in Twisted Wonderland And that Future is with you guys, I would loce to spend every single moment i have here in this world alongside you" Yuu said as they smiled at their friends in front of them.

*sniffs* *hic* "Ffgnah!! Stop it henchman! How dare you make the Great Grim cry!!!" Grim cried out as he punch your leg with his paws but immediately stops and hugged your leg using your pants to wipe aways his tears.

"I..I agree!! Yer making me lose my cool ya know?!" Epel added as he too aggressively wiped away his tears.

"Im...Im so happy that you're staying here with us Prefect" Deuce stated as tears slowly form in his eyes

"Oh come on now Deuce what do you take me for? Someone aho break their promise?"

"Huh?" Deuce asked confuse about what Yuu is implying

Yuu sighed before replying to their confuse friend ,

"I made a promise didn't I? I promise that I'll be there when you finally get your badge the day you become a police officer" Yuu said while smiling at Deuce

Deuce softly chuckles and being glad that Yuu still remembered there conversation back when he was assign as a stargazer,

"Ahh so you still remember it huh..." Deuce said while giving Yuu a close eyed smile.

"Well don't worry!, I'll make sure to graduate here in NRC as a Honor student and get that badge so i can proudly show if off to you and Mom , so you guys can smile at me and think of how far I've come" he quickly added with a proud look on his face and very determined to keep his word.

Though the wholesome moment was ruin by a certain red hair

"Pfft you should probably study for the upcoming exams before saying that besides with the way how your grades are doing I doubt that" Ace said while laughing

Jack sighs and the shook his head in disappointment at Ace "You really know how to ruin the mood dont you" he said as he watches the scene unfolds already knowing that somethings' about to go down.

Deuce' mood mmediately switches after hearing Ace' comment about his grades

"HUH?! IF YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT TO MY FACE" Deuce argued , "Besides you can't be the one talking when you got yourself a 3 hour lecture from Housewarden Riddle after he found out that you failed your history exam!!" Deuce added , and somehow the words that left Deuce mouth irked Ace

"Huh?! You're making that up!! That never happen!" Ace Argued back

The two keep arguing while the others just watch in amusement and some in disappointment (Jack)

"And.... there they go again , seriously everytime those two argue they look like a kids who's figjting over a small piece of candy" Yuu said as they watched their friend argue like little kids

"Ha.. i guess somethings never change huh" Epel said as he chuckles

"You know what? Let's just end this , it's pointless arguing with an idiot" Ace said as he shook his head

"THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?" Deuce argued once again

"You guys that's enough and calm down" Ortho said as he tried to break the fight between two idiots

"Hmmph agreed you two are making a mess to our dorm" Grim said

Ace and Deuce look at each other before sighing to their selves

"Fine" they said in unison

"Anyways let's get back to what we came here for, let's go back to the fact that Yuu is staying here with us" Jack said breaking the atmosphere created by two idiots

"I.. I still can't believe that you're staying here with us Yuu" - Epel

"Heh im glad your staying here henchman it will be a pain to find another henchman if you go" Grim said as if he didn't just had a break down when he found out that his 'henchman' is "leaving".

"Well , what are you guys waiting for? This moment calls a Group hug!" Yuu happily said as they open their arms ready for group hug

All of them except Jack quickly rushed to Yuu's side to hug them

"What about you Jack? Aren't you going to join us too?" Ortho asked

"Im not really used to those kind of things" Jack answered

"Oh please don't be like that this is a happy moment" Yuu said as they extend their hand to Jack

"Ugh fine" Jack groaned before joining the hug

The seven friends continue hugged each other as if it's the last time they'll all see each other (quite literally if Ortho and Mickey *did* find a way and if Yuu decided to leave TW).

Bonus:

"You know... since you're staying here might as well confess your feelings to Draconia-senpai y'know?" Ace said

"HUH?! SHUT UP ACE! I DONT HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR TSUNOTARO!" Yuu protests (they actually had feeling for malleus , they only deny it cause once Ace heard it from them confirming that they indeed held feeling for their horned friend , Ace wouldn't shut up about it and will keep teasing them until they eventually confess )

"Yeah , yeah whatever helps you sleep at night" Ace said while having his teasing grin, "Besides it's so obvious that you have feeling for him y'know no need to hide it hehe" he added

"Continue with that nonsense and I'll tell Riddle that you ate a tart that's meant for the unbirthday party again" Yuu said while smirking at him as they watch Ace face turn pale

"Okay okay i take it back you dont have any feelings for him and that he's only a friend, there HAPPY?!" Ace said

"Even though i know you have feelings for him , i won't tease you about it anymore just don't tell the housewarden about the tart i don't want to be collared again" Ace added

"Good, and yes i won't tell him about the tart but i will tell him about how you failed the history exam.... again" Yuu said while grinning evilly at Ace

"WHAT THE- YOU'RE SO EVIL"

The End♡

Im so sorry if some of the characters are ooc but i hope you enjoyed it!!💓💓

I made this to keep myself busy since i have nothing else to do

[rocksibblingsau]

"Death is tragic, but sometimes living can be so much worse."

So..... same anon that send the rant ask that this come from and I just have to say how good this is. Like unbelievably so and everything from your response as well, I cant say this enough I love your writing and how you interpret trolls and their world

Honestly, you're so right that they likely had that "hes in a better place now" (pun not intended), it fits so well with what we know about pop trolls mentality and life-style. The same trolls that erased and forgotten everyone that was lost during the escape, including the heir, would also accept a little brother as dead and go on without checking so they can better ignore the grief of losing him. Thinking about it, thats a way better and in-character reason why Floyd never came back

People say that he was out partying or he forgor or whatever, but the thought that some 3-5 years later he stopped to think and realized "oh... hes probably dead by now", and now having to choose between confirming the "reality" that his brother died waiting for him or just moving forward, be happy and never think about things that upset you (that just pop trolls second nature at this point)

There is a part of me that still wants to write Brozone facing that grief either by having to save Floyd without him or reuniting some other way, now with the added against of "everybody including you forgot your brother ever existed, isn't that fun!". Thinking about it, I may even write that Branch died in the woods or something instead of the bergens. He didn't die because they left him in the tree, he died because they never came back for him. And the same mentality that "helped" them "grief" (read: ignore) his supposed dead is the same mentality that caused the pop village to ignore and ostracize him (that being what actually killed him). Tragic, gut-punching, hope they surfer and cry about it :)

But for my actual headcanon of the brothers mentally during those 20 years, I can only imagine your view of the situation is just that good and accurate. Thank you for entertaining my thoughts and sorry for the rambles lol

Thank you! I love overanalyzing things, and Trolls is a very fun subject to work with!

It's very in line with Pop mentality to just accept that and move on. Bruce especially lives on Vacay Island where "every day is a vacay". I could see a bit of that mentality existing there. Maybe not the 'sugar coat everything in glitter' degree but 'why worry?' type of ignore your problems.

Branch dying on his own rather than in the tree I think is a way more terrifying reality. Hundreds of Pop Trolls were eaten, and that's seen as the Bergens fault. Branch getting injured and having no one to check in on him so he passes is on the village. It's been mentioned in Rock Sibblings but the fact is, that was a reality Branch faced. Poppy likely would've come by EVENTUALLY but she was younger than him.

In Rock Sibblings the truth is if not for Poppy deciding to follow after him, no one would have ever known what happened to Branch. In Techno Branch and Classical Branch, no one actually does until 15ish years later.

With his brothers, it's sad to say that with an alive Branch, there's very little that could have them initially realizing that Branch is hurt. I mean look at him in Trolls Band Together. He's not fully grey but he's very drastically darker than they all are despite initially all having the same skin tone. Yet none of them react or mention it. They're fine to ignore the situation at hand.

Never apologize for rambles. That's what we do here.

[tacagen]

rating thawne's deaths on a 10 point scale

snapped neck: 6/10. ok. not good, not bad, well-deserved, timeless, impactful. i love the way thawne is still complaining about that one though.

flashpoint: 9/10. imagine becoming a living paradox and proceeding to rant about how your speedster nemesis cant hurt you now (very normal way to put it btw.) only to be pierced by a fucking sword. dumb and classic, all good here.

the button: 100/10 THE DUMBEST DEATH OF THEM ALL AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE. also a classic, imagine being told multiple times that youre going to die and fucking carry on like youre the Smartest here and nothing could ever happen to you and actually ima adopt you barry. thawne's character at its finest.

running scared: 8/10. not bad. ironic last words and 'on my life i swear' about the promise he intended to break all along. once again, dead because he couldnt shut the fuck up and look around him. iris, my beautiful tired of thawne's shit queen, I STAN.

the flash cw season 1: 5/10. dont remember it much asides from being totally pointless as it has 0 effect on thawne's existence further and our beloved Genius of Time Travel, who can Calculate Every Single Timeline Consequence To His Actions revealing his fucking name to his ancestor and bullying him into murder by suicide.

legends of tomorrow season 2: 10/10. love this one. top 10 reverse-flash moments. my dude got together like 15 other versions of himself for each to do practically fucking nothing other than to group pose and die. an honorable mention: poor black flash who got called a monster just for trying to do his timeline protection job and who endured all of thawne's shit only for it to turn out completely pointless as well. then again if you think about it, everything that happens in cw is pointless.

the flash cw season 6: 2/10. does that even count as a death. makes zero fucking sense. 2 points only for thawne being a total loser and resembling negaduck's 'crisis on infinite darkwings' death.

suicude squad: hell to pay: 10/10. i gave this 10 points already just for his last words 'fuck my life'. again, DOESNT KNOW HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHICH GETS HIM KILLED. thawne believing in the afterlife in the first place feels out of character to me though.

finish line: 0/10. it was very hard to waste a character like that without even realizing it AFTER WRITING HIM WITH SUCH A DEEP UNDERSTANDING BEFORE but you've done it, williamson ⭐

legends of tomorrow season 7: 7/10. very balanced death, little bit of thawne having zero fucking braincells, little bit of meaning. not even complaining about the concept, silly little domesticated rat doing his silly little job of preserving the timeline. i approve.

jurassic league: 10/10. first i suggest we just stop and think for a moment about the fact that we got a DINOSAUR THAWNE in a list of deaths. second THIS PREHISTORIC DUMPLING GOT FUCKING EATEN. third insert an extinction pun. perfect understanding of thawne being a fucking joke of a character and meme potential.

flashpoint beyond: 12/10. did NOTHING in the plot. meant NOTHING for the plot. just spawned as a corpse and looked pretty in the morgue (10 points already purely for The Page) and i respect that. 1 more point for the button encore and another to martha wayne. thank you for your service queen, we'll never forget your impact on this one.

knight terrors: the flash: 8/10. this mf lasted exactly 3 pages. neat but a bit sad if you think about it. not only got killed unprovokedly but his precious museum he just tried to protect got damaged as well. didnt even get to finish neither the tour or his point about barry not being able to wake up (again, only tried to help in a way by that?). also i like the way he's once again a creation of barry's subconsciousness acting suspiciously fruity.

[diagonal-queen]

nikolai x reader in the winter

okay so uh SUPER self indulgent post incoming

cw: nikolai is a bit of a bastard and he gets himself sick like the skrunkly little moron he is. food mentions. 

imagine its winter. obviously it’s cold outside and snowing and stuff, so you’re wanting to spend the day inside. if you’re anything like me you wrap yourself in blankets and wear fluffy pyjamas in winter. but that dick nikolai is silly n goofy. he would blast the aircon just to fuck with you and make you super cold (secretly, he thinks it’s cute that you’re annoyed with him and burrito-ing yourself in all the blankets and feels accomplished whenever he gets a cranky face from you). 

eventually once he’s done tormenting you he’ll sit down on the ground in between your legs and let you mess with his hair while you guys are watching TV. give him a couple tugs and massage his head a little bit. he may be a menace but that relaxes him a lot. 

if nikolai makes you hot chocolate it would be very tasty but he would certainly overdo it with the marshmallows. he dumps piles of them into both mugs and they get everywhere (if you nag him enough he will help you clean the marshmallow powder later). ‘this is nice, Kolya, but marshmallows are tumbling out of my mug. i cant drink it like this.’ - you, probably. he gives you a face and tuts to himself because you’re just so cute when you’re concerned about his little shenanigans. in many ways he is a little bit of a sadist. 

once you get through the hot chocolate and you’re all warm and toasty, nikolai may take a seat in the armchair beside a crackling fireplace and treat you to sitting on his lap, where you both stay unusually quiet in your state of tranquility. maybe you occasionally mutter silly things to each other to get a soft chuckle out of the other person. nikolai pats your thigh with one large hand, and slowly cards the other one through your hair. this happens until, eventually, you fall asleep in his arms. 

the next day nikolai wants to play in the snow, because who the fuck doesn’t?? (i do. i live in a place without snow). it might take a little bit of convincing for you though, because the idea of nikolai in a snowball fight is simply envisioning a war you absolutely can’t win. nonetheless, his pleas and his wrapping his arms around you from behind and whining ‘c’mon, dove. please? can we?’ eventually wear you down, and so you bundle yourselves in warm winter gear before heading out. nikolai has seen plenty of snow in his life but he always seems so captivated by it. it is very beautiful! 

there are two ways to snap him from this trance! the safe option is to pounce on him, knocking you both into the snow. yes, it might be cold, but you won’t be noticing that while you’re in nikolai’s arms and you and him laugh in unison. the deadly option is to throw a snowball at him. that’s a declaration of battle. you will not be spared, even if you are his s/o. 

he will tear your ass to shreds in a snowball fight. though, if you were to get a bit of ice in your eye, he would stop and check to see if your eye’s broken. if not, he doesn’t give you a second to recuperate. he’s right back at it. and of course, once you are on your knees (literally or metaphorically, either is fine for him) begging for his mercy, he may give it to you. 

nikolai would definitely be the one out of the both of you to catch a cold from the snow, because he does not know when to quit. you could tell him to come inside for hours, but he won’t reappear until he’s pale and very obviously got a cold. nikolai is fatigued and lethargic when he’s sick, and him being low-energy is a very sad sight. 

get this man some borscht soup and medicine. he will probably ask you to spoon feed him because he’s just soooo weak and achy and can’t do it himself! he’s a man child and i love him for it. that being said, he is extremely appreciative when you help take care of him. he does give you soft words of gratitude with rosy cheeks and maybe a little peck to your hand (can’t be kissing your lips cus you might get sick and he’d NEVER do that to you!) (he does it a few hours later having completely forgotten he’s sick in the first place)

i love winter already but i think i’d especially love to share it with nikolai

[thisdreamplace]

Dream, I hope this doesn't sound whiny to you. I really have no one to go to and you have always been so kind and gentle to your followers so I'm here.

I have been on this journey for a few years now. Like many others I have only ever had small success stories. Now, when they happened I was shocked and excited and I believed the law completely. But then I tried others things and they didn't work.

I have seen so many bigger success stories across Tumblr, Reddit and Youtube coaches and I can't believe all of this people are lying or all their success stories are just them getting lucky. I have seen physical success proof too.

I understand the law and how we make the rules and all that. That It's not the technique it's us that manifests. I am also applying it. I'm not perfect. I break down often, get anxious. I tell myself it's okay. I have also always been a very imaginative person and I imagine based on what I'm feeling. Which is often sad scenarios lol. I also swing between mindsets, as in impressing the subconscious, praying to higher self and just using consciousness to stay in the state.

I have a very beautiful script of my dream life and I want to live it bad. But I can't seem to make it. Thoughts of aging, being physically weak and getting diseases also creep up and I break down.

What do I even do? I don't want to live a bad life. I would really appreciate some advice, kind words, or anything really from you or even your followers.

hi <3 i hope i'm able to help u in some way sweet anon~

the thing is for me,, when i experienced a lot of what you mentioned, those scary things that creep up and all that, i sat with it. i made myself really sit with those scary feelings, allowed myself the moment of experiencing what feels like, and like that the feelings dispersed more and more. it was a practice i chose to do, that not many are willing to do. but for me it meant freedom. if i can sit with these things, they cant hurt me anymore. they stopped being so scary because i kept moving forward, more lighter and free within myself. and i really, really wanted to be free

now im not saying you HAVE to do that, it's just what worked for me. but reading your message reminded me of that time because, on a level you're one foot in and one foot out. and it seems there's a part of you that simply isnt ready to commit to that life you dream of. without realizing, the life we dont want but are currently living does have a level of comfort and safeness within it, even when we don't like it. because more than anything it's familiar, and our ego clings to familiarity. even if its not the best thing for us.

so with that being said, moving forward, its really about finally choosing yourself over choosing the fears. and sometimes that takes time, but keep building yourself up for it little by little until youre finally ready to fully leave the old way behind.

you got this, just be kind and patient and understanding with yourself along the way <3

and dw, you dont seem whiny at all! its always a safe space :3

this journey isnt always the easiest, so i'm here for yall xo

[webothyoungwheni1stsawu]

and i do feel bad for idols who get hate trains but i also kinda sometimes expect a little more from them at the same time? like some idols seem like theyre only doing it to gain benefit of being idols brand deals, popularity, modelling or acting roles without having actual interest in musicality. the girl in le sserra oh i dont know which one it is but they totally ruined her vocals bc i imagine it must be harder to switch from opera to pop so it puzzle me why some debut if they are kinda mainly average singers. for instance they give them songs that clearly dont suit their pitch, i loved jimin performances in the older bts style compared to his solos bc im sorry its that kinda corny pop vocals that he doesnt really suit and doesnt seem to hit the notes in a stable manner. like idols who overperform get hounded online but idols who underperform called lazy so they cant win really nowadays they have to be allrounders but in a balanced way to appease ppl. it must be tough these days to be idol then for them to not be able to get downtime or personal life outside of idol image in case they get backlash for dating. yh no thanks

if i were some idols id always be trying to improve cause id have passion for what id do in songs (its stagnant otherwise) and if im really going to be honest i tnink le sserras docuseries was poor timing and mainly for sympathy points. ik one member says she wanted to change the industry but sometimes u have to choose ur battles and otherwise i dont get what she doing to really make any changes at all cause kpop has been the way it is for donkeys years. it is in some cases a trainwreck waiting to happen. i also cant imagine being in a group like triple s either. i think some groups are interesting to start with but somewhere down the line it gets a bit faulty and it kinda goes downhill for them nct as well are another poorly planned group with interesting potential but doesnt push themselves out there enough and maybe too many scandals can prevent them from moving forward

i remember how twice and especially momo were criticized for singing encore. i can't stop me was really hard to sing live because it was too high and the choreography was difficult. but they improved a lot and were able to sing i can't stop me live in concert. when they first debuted, IVE was criticized for lip syncing, there were even many mocking comments when the group released i am which was too high and couldn't be sung live. but they did really well at lollapalooza. i like how when groups are criticized, they stay quiet and try to improve. while lesserafim didn't have any songs that were too high or too difficult, yet as a singer, they were criticized for being difficult because they couldn't sing. if i picked any eliminated trainee from my teenage girl, i believe she would sing and dance better than sakura. talented trainees were eliminated just because they weren't pretty enough, didn't fit the group's concept, or didn't have many fans. Sakura debuted 3 times, her many fans made her feel confident when she went to Korea to earn money. I keep thinking about Bora from Cherry Bullet, she is really a great singer. Her group came from a small company and couldn't be famous. She participated in 2 survival shows and was eliminated. In the end, her group disbanded. The harshness of kpop makes me sad.

[tgirljoker]

idk. i never want anyone to worry bc i feel guilty about making people worry but i do recognize that i used to isolate so i could kill myself without it being an issue, and on some level that still rings true, and given that im now living alone it really wouldnt be too difficult and my direct impact on others would be as minimal as its ever been. which unfortunately does make the prospect all that more tantalizing. and its all made worse by the fact that im calm when i think all of this, theres no immediate anger or sadness i can point to to justify why this is so easy to consider, and i think i should be able to talk myself out of it because i feel relatively clear of mind. but im just not really sure i want to, ultimately i value my life very little and the idea of trying to get better doesnt seem impossible but i think ive been alienated from my own humanity and desires for so long that i cant imagine ever being glad to exist? i think there is something intrinsic to my life specifically that makes me inherently unworthy of living, and despite everything i struggle to imagine anyone feeling anything more to the news of my hypothetical death than ambivalence or faux concern. oddly the idea that people would forget me is a comforting thought rather than anything else, which makes sense i suppose given that the inverse has always been burdensome. idk. realistically speaking i will most likely die by suicide at some point its just a matter of making sure theres enough thematic relevance for it to be a fitting climax. which i know is like objectively insane to say but idgaf im not a person i just exist for the sake of others and in this case its knowing people would be better off without me and planning a well enough timed suicide that it makes people laugh or something at the very least

[everythingsinred]

I spent a whole day reading your Natsume analysis and am so excited to read Mikan's version. I wanted to ask about your thoughts on what Natsume was doing during the four years he was apart from Mikan. In Kageki, we learn that he took a lot of missions to get credit. But what do you think his mental state was like? Do you have any fic recs? I love making myself sad from Natsumikan angst.

hi! im so happy you read the natsume analysis! it makes me happy to hear people enjoyed it! i just recently made a table of contents for my essays and general ga postings so if you need help navigating the mikan essays, check out my pinned post <3

to answer your questions about what natsume was up to while mikan was gone, im pretty sure in kageki narumi mentioned that natsume had some negative behavior and attitude, but the extent of that is left vague. allegedly the missions he went on after she left were not alice-heavy or life-threatening but we know that one of those missions was to be toma's bodyguard and... bodyguarding tends to be dangerous? thats in the job description, pretty much literally. im not entirely sure how he was expected to bodyguard WITHOUT using his alice, but thats what they imply. did he take martial arts? did he carry a gun? who knows really. either way he should not have been permitted to continue doing any missions.

just in general, i think he was pretty depressed without mikan around. i mean natsume was in a HORRIBLE suicidal depression for two years before he met her and falling in love with her happened because she saw value in his life that he hadnt seen before. while she was there, he had developed a sense of purpose in his life and a will to live he hadnt had. it was bc of her that he started bonding with class b. now that shes gone, im sure hes very upset especially because its not certain he'll ever be allowed to see her again, granted he even lives that long.

but as much as i see him being depressed and a little miserable, he still has friends and a strong support system at the academy now. he has his best friend, plus the kids he allowed himself to befriend while mikan was around. theres pictures in the memorial book that depict middle-school aged natsume hanging out with The Boiz, and there's photographs in kageki that imply he wasnt completely isolating himself from his classmates during mikan's absence.

so with that in mind, i think he's depressed and sad about mikan being gone for sure, but he still has a will to live, a support system, and a sense of purpose (seeing mikan again) so that he isnt ENTIRELY devastated during those few years.

we can see when he reunites with her that he kinda expected her to remember him as soon as she saw him, and that gives us insight into how exactly he processed her stolen memories. (smth like, "she doesnt remember anything. so even if i did see her id probably have to make her fall in love w me again and im not even sure how i did it the first time! but she did love me right? i mean if she really loved me, she'd remember me eventually. i cant imagine forgetting her so im sure since she loved me that she'll remember as soon as she sees me!" and then he holds onto that thought so tightly that he ends up shocked that she doesnt remember). those thoughts probably kept him afloat too.

i really have mixed feelings about mikan leaving the academy in the first place though. i just dont think that plot point was executed very well so i never really got very into it.

as for fanfic recs, i cant think of many off the top of my head that have much to do with that time period of natsume on his own, but there is this one, (paths that lead home by MCaroba) which is about natsume going on a road trip with his friends!

as for angsty fics that are NOT related to that specific time period, here are some:

Ten Years to Date by November Romeo (the kids are assigned to write about their futures and natsume refuses. canon!verse one shot) (ps lots of her canon fics are in the same universe and theres a deal of angst involved there too, though her canon!verse fics take place in an alternate future of the kids in high school. i do recommend reading pretty much everything she's written for ga)

Tired by FearandLoathingXIX (hurt/comfort related to natsume's sickness. canon!verse one shot)

My Happy Ending by Little Miss Giggle (au where the kids go to a music school.... it starts off silly and fun but it gets pretty damn angsty. multichapter and one of the better known fics in the fandom)

Steal (my breath away) by Rock-n-Round (au one shot where alices exist but they're a bit weird and hard to explain. this one is EVISCERATING. and very beautiful)

Before You Hit the Ground by Ducky-san (au multi-chapter fic where mikan runs away from an abusive home and meets natsume who is in a gang against his will. i actually LOVE this fic so much... but it does contain some triggering material, like discussions of child abuse and implied sexual abuse.)

Right Before Your Eyes by pressuredtreasure (au... i don't think i can say much about this without spoiling it, but it's basically mikan missing natsume)

Oh Hello World also writes a lot of one shots, some of which are pretty angsty.

i'm really sad.... i was gonna link some other fics but i couldn't find them or remember their names and i'm scared they've been taken down. ah the pain of being in an old, less active fandom...

i also write fics too! ive only written aus so far (incidentally, not on purpose), but the angstiest is probably all things rancid and delicate, which is about mikan in a cult (it has a lot of dark elements to it)

im sorry if youre not much an au person, but i havent read much new ga ffn recently and not many good ones have survived the test of time it seems. it's all very sad. i miss reading fanfic all the time AND having lowered standards for gaffn specifically...

i hope i've answered your questions! if you have any other questions feel free to shoot me another ask! i love talking abt ga <3

[misspickman]

tim and cassie for the headcanons!

for cassie

Sexuality Headcanon: lesbian

Gender Headcanon: transmasc, in a butch lesbian way

A ship I have with said character: cassierose, cissiecassie,, she and kiran could be cute too i just dont have much to say about it since kiran got very little time to shine, i believe in it tho

A BROTP I have with said character: cassie & tim!! theyre messy and they get each other. im a loud hater of tt03 but i do think about them during that grief era a lot, horrid relationship but very compelling as a trauma response. AND theyre best friends. also cassie & artemis i miss themm they were so fun, cassie & diana too i feel like they really dropped cassie from wonder woman comics a while back and its never been the same.. but theyre sisters<3

A NOTP I have with said character: cant imagine cassie with men.. i appreciate the mess between her and tim for fun and i think her and kons relationship is important to their characters, just not for actual like. romance reasons. but i guess these count

A random headcanon: i think she should play football not american football just u know the vibes. yes i think shed kill it in yellowjackets

General Opinion over said character: cassie my best friend cassie i just finished going through my reading list for her and im so sad she never got a longer solo bc we get so little about her civilian life and the lack thereof. i think the choice to have her commit to being a hero full time and living at the tower is v interesting (and a shame that rebirth brushed that away just to say shes going to college and thats it) and i would love to see her deal with that and how not having a civiliain identity would impact her life further, also who she wants to be after wonder girl.. this is less of an opinion and just me rambling but agh cassie. she makes me sad and sometimes she is just like me fr

tim

Sexuality Headcanon: bi! as he is<3

Gender Headcanon: i think ive been very loud about my transfem tim thoughts but that might just be in my head bc i think about him a lot. anyway its real to me. i know her. if it seems like i default to cis guy tim in my fics its just bc he hasnt had his gender crisis yet, trust. i do also like the idea of a more gnc cis guy tim which might or might not lead to him being genderfluid. much to think about

A ship I have with said character: i often default to timkon but i really like him with danny, lonnie and tam too

A BROTP I have with said character: cass, cassie, helena, dick, i also would have liked to see more of him and rose without the uhh very weird writing going on with them in tt03 and tt cold case. tim and steph in their divorced era specifically are also very dear to me

A NOTP I have with said character: whatever people are doing with fanon timkon which is mostly bc of what they do to kon but my god the woobifying of tims character is also so bad. all the many incest ones but a special aside for j/ytim bc its so painfully ooc they would not fucking say that. my god

A random headcanon: well car guy tim is very canon but also i think hed be fixing his own car like, for fun. he would get a car he can tinker with specifically. in some au i think itd also be fun if he did car racing

General Opinion over said character: hes fine

[your13threasonwhy]

holy shit im so mad.

!!!SPOILERS FOR SEE YOU IN MY 19TH LIFE KDRAMA AND WEBTOON!!!

(disclaimer-sorry if any of the characters names are spelt wrong or need a hyphen, i get things confused between the kdrama and webtoon)

i read the webtoon way before the kdrama came out and i am still, to this day, so emotionally attached to it like, its one of the most amazing things ive read and i still cry when i think about it too much.

so, imagine my excitement when i find out its getting a kdrama and my absolute dissapointment when i find out that they changed literally everything (this is an exaragation) that made the webtoon so amazing.

when the show came out i was basically begging my sister to watch it with me (since she hasnt read the webtoon) and we are currently seven episodes in because we had to go on holidays however, we will continue watching it (even though i spent a good hour and a half contemplating whether or not i would actually be able to watch it without combusting after i read what they changed) until the end.

so, like the the overly anxious person i am, i searched up the ending just to make sure they hadnt changed anything else apart from min-gi's character and adding han-na (who we will discuss later) and proceeded to rip my hair out after reading that they made the female lead LOSE ALL OF HER MEMORIES ABOUT EVERYONE SHE LOVED.

but before we get into that i want to talk about the things they actually did well, for example, the cinematography, casting and scenery were actually so amazing and its definitely so much better than the webtoon (however the webtoon does still have a special place in my heart) and i think possibly the only good plot change they did was make han-na the reincarnation of seo-ha's mother. as someone who despises sad/bittersweet stuff i love that they made his mother reincarnate and keep her memories even if he doesnt meet her (which i dont know if he does because im only on episode seven) because its so sweet to think that she got a chance to see her son all (sort of) happy and grown up. i also love the fact that they added more depth to her past lives and showed up more scenes of them as, in the webtoon, im pretty sure the only things we got that related to her past lives were- her and min-gi's friendship, her and doyun's 'relationship' in her first life and her being ae-kyung's uncle.

now, onto the things im sad they didnt keep in but that i could deal with, which is mostly min-gi's character as a whole and the convinience store scene with ji-eum and min-gi where they recognise each other from their past lives (which im assuming they dont do since they changed his whole character). apparently, in the kdrama, min-gi and ji-eum used to be rivals/enemies in their past life or whatever so he decides to like hunt her down and basically stalk her😭😭 and then proceed to tell her that she needs to stop speaking and being around people from her past life because it hurts them (something i will talk-type?-about in a bit).

the reason why im so mad at this is because they straight just basically made him antagonistic instead of HAVING HIM AND JI-EUM BE FRIENDS IN THEIR PAST LIVES AND HAVING HIM SAY THEIR LITTLE SECRET MESSAGE AND HER BEING LIKE 'omg someone actually remembers their past life other than me?' AND THEN HIM JUST TRYING TO HELP HER NOT REMEMBER HER PAST LIVES ANYMORE BUT BEING A LITTLE BIT MISGUIDED BUT THEN THEIR STILL FRIENDS AND THEY TALK ABOUT IT 😖😖😖. like, they just ruined his character potential so much my changing that and adding the stupid motherfucking thing about how interacting with people from your past lifes hurts them.

finally, the things i hate, buckle up folks because this is going to be as long as my dick/j. first of all, the ending and THE STUPID 'YOU CANT INTERACT WITH YOUR PAST LIVES' BULLSHIT. i think the ending and the knowing about past lives hurts people is just absolute boiling garbage because 1-it just doesnt make sense 2-it doesnt make ANY fucking sense and 3-why the fuck does she need to forget but the people from her past lives dont forget who she was as ji-eum and as her past lives??? like i would rather they all forget but they're still happy and her and seo-ha are still dating/married and they're all still close but whatever. second, the whole fucking plot change like they apparently made this whole thing that made ji-eum think seo-ha murdered her sister for some fucking angst instead of the perfectly reasonable (and just as dramatic) thing with doyun where she thinks they were married so she distances herself from seo-ha but it turns out they were sisters and her and seo-ha still get to be happy AND THE WHOLE THING ABOUT THE DEAL WITH GOD (which also relates to the ending) BECAUSE IN THE END SHE ASKS GOD TO MAKE HER STOP REMEMBERING HER PAST LIVES AND SHE GRADUALLY STARTS TO FORGET THEM BUT SHE STILL KNEW SHE HAD HAD PAST LIVES AND SHE STILL REMEMBERED EVERYONE SHE CARED OUT AND THEN (if i remember correctly) SEO-HA REFUSES GOD'S OFFER TO REMEBER HIS PAST LIVES BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANNA HAVE ANY OTHER LOVE APART FROM HIS AND JI-EUM'S😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭(not sure if thats what he actually says but you get the gist) AND THEN THEY GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER INSTEAD OF HER FORGETTING LITERALLY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE SHE EVER CARED ABOUT AND HAVING TO REBUILD HER RELATIONSHIPS WAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME.

in conclusion, the see you in my 19th life kdrama was absolute trash and i think they should remake it. In this essay i will

[borathae]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SIBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THIS CHAPTER WAS THE CUTEST, MOST ADORABLE PIECE OF FLUFFY WRITING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE I CANT DEAL WITH SO MUCH LOVE FROM THEM, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER IM CRYING I LOVE THEM SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Their love is so pure and beautiful gosh they are pure soulmates, like the most soulmates soulmates can get like they are the fucking blueprint for soulmatery 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 can’t believe we finally have them back being grossly in love im living for it Sibi 😭 AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHKKCKKXKCKLVKCXYFJVBJKGFHKKJHSD *crying, screaming, throwing up*

not everyone being like “noooo imagine if he can hear her while his in his magical coma😭” for weeks and you playing along being like “NOOO IMAGINE THAT WOULD BE SO SAD MY BOONGIE :(“ only for you to pull this on us jsksksksksakkssks you are so evil I love it jskskdkkdkdkdkdkdld like please what do you mean he felt like being tortured, the worst pain he’s ever felt in his life AND to top it off hear his lovers crying their hearts out for him without being able to do anything 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭so evil😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but truly everything was so lovely Yoongi being so touchy and needy and cute and their cuddling, their love making, their domestic little trip to the gas station on a snowy day, making that gas station “THEIR SPOT” FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKK😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 they deserve all the happiness in the world 😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND KOOKIEEEE 😭 SMOOCH THE SHIT OUT OF THAT BAMBI EYED BUNNY VAMPIRE RIGHT THIS INSTANT YOU BOTH 😭😭😭 he missed his loves so much the three of them are so lovely and right for each other, I want Yoongi and oc to make a Kookie sandwich until all three of them can’t move from all the loving 😭 im gonna go lay down on the train tracks for a while Sibi jjkjkkjskjjsjjs

Oh and they finally have an option for her to stay with them for eternity that doesn’t include vampirism 🥺 and Yoongi being impressed by oc’s talent and potential like yes sir your girlfriend is super bad bitch can wait to see if we will get to see Yoongi’s reaction to the other vampires calling her “Boss”, bet the boy would get hard in a second especially with how terribly needy for her he’s feeling sjkskskskskskjjgsjkakj

Anyways sibi if you didn’t realise I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH 😭 it was so beautifully written I love them and you so much, that you for so much cuteness and love after so much pain 😭 OUR BOONGIE IS FINALLY BACK BESTIES 😭🥹

-Shy anon

Their love is so pure and beautiful gosh they are pure soulmates, like the most soulmates soulmates can get like they are the fucking blueprint for soulmatery 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THEM THEM THEM THEM nobody has ever soulmated as hard as they do AND I AM ALL HERE FOR IT 😭😭😭

not everyone being like “noooo imagine if he can hear her while his in his magical coma😭” for weeks and you playing along being like “NOOO IMAGINE THAT WOULD BE SO SAD MY BOONGIE :(“ only for you to pull this on us jsksksksksakkssks you are so evil

I chose violence and I stand by it HAHAHHAH

but truly everything was so lovely Yoongi being so touchy and needy and cute and their cuddling, their love making, their domestic little trip to the gas station on a snowy day, making that gas station “THEIR SPOT” FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKK😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 they deserve all the happiness in the world 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I keep repeating myself but THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM

he missed his loves so much the three of them are so lovely and right for each other, I want Yoongi and oc to make a Kookie sandwich until all three of them can’t move from all the loving 😭

AND REST ASSURED THAT THEY WILL!!!! THEY HAVE ALL ETERNITY FOR IT !!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

like yes sir your girlfriend is super bad bitch can wait to see if we will get to see Yoongi’s reaction to the other vampires calling her “Boss”, bet the boy would get hard in a second especially with how terribly needy for her he’s feeling sjkskskskskskjjgsjkakj

wait a minute help HELP HEFHADSF HE LP WHY CAN I SEE THIS HAPPENING??? OMFMG IMAGINE HIM PRESSING HER AGAINST THE WALL THE SECOND THEY ARE ALONE SO HE CAN KISS HER NECK AND GROPE HER ALL WHILE IS PANTING BECAUSE SHE'S GOT HIM SO GOOD?????

[4uru]

(Tw: Vent post)

I went thru some of my worst depressive, suicidal, self hating episodes during quarentine. Teenage angst fuelled to the max by gender dysphoria, internalized homophobia and transphobia. In 2020 baby me wrote several letters addressed to future me, telling me to kill myself . I will be 16 soon, those letters were addressed to me. I know if anyone reading this who is an adult feels like this is just a kid complaning. And ur not wrong.

This is probably not even thing i will ever face in my life. And that thought scares me.

I was a different, very miserable, angry and tiny person in quarentine, i was brimming with hate and sadness, i had no friends. I was a kid who was stuck in a house 24/7 with my (suddenly) religious mother who i stupidly came out to, my parents werent even a little bit supportive back then, they thought i was fetishizing being LGBTQ my dad thought i wanted to be trans and gay to be different. (Lets not even open that can of worms)

What im trying to say is, it took alot of work to get where i am this year. I tried hard "loving myself", i worked hard to look at myself and not see a complete fucking monster. I tried very hard to believe in a future.

But all my work is down the drain bc of this fucking system. I dont want a future anymore. I am fucking done hearing critism from the generation who had adequate study plans. Who didnt have the life drained out of them everyday. My parents talk so brazenly about my generation about our studies like its the same. 30 years ago the Curriculum was in their favor, now its evil and twisted and i dont want to go through wjth it.

I legit fantasize suicide just to avoid dealing with it. Everytime i go to school or coaching all i hear are different voices telling me how much hard work i have to do to pass SSC, then get into a good college, then HSC, then University etc etc etc.

I tried to look forward to a future, i forced myself to imagine a life for myself, i swear i tried. I just dont want to anymore, i told myself i want to be an animator, or just work in an artistic field,

I dont want a future anymore, i cant keep going on, its fucking exhausting, i dont want anything from my life. I have nothing to look forward to, everytime i try its always an exam to prove to people that im worthy of existing. Every fucking time.

It never ends, it wont ever end, i will just be wrung out and burnt out of everything i ever cared about. I cant go on a day without being berated and if i do, i cant go on with out feeling guilty for using my free time to be at peace. They hardwired my brain to hate myself then they yell at me for it

I dont know if ppl know how easy its for me to be desensitized to death, i have no qualms about it, i didnt literally since the day i turned 8. I have read ppl saying ppl sho commit suicide are cowards, and i remember feeling worse about it. Bc somewhere deep down i do feel like a fucking coward and a quitter.

But i genuinly dont care anymore, i cant keep doing this, i dont think i am strong enough. My friends talk about how i have a clear cut future with my art and stuff. But holy shit no i dont, i dont think i will live to see 18. I dont want to live to see 18. I dont want to keep doing this.

Sometimes i wish i was religious so i would have someone to pray to, to believe in, but i dont. I never did, i could never believe in someone. I wish i did rn bc maybe that can be my salvation. But its not.

I just cant anymore with this shit, yaar. I feel like i am going to shatter like glass if i even move.

I dont think ppl know how much their tiny jabs build up on my skin to become a large gaping wound that i just cant stitch back up.

I sometimes think that, if i do it, if i do kill myself, they are just going to blame it on social media and other teenage angst bullshit.

I dont want to live like this, i dont want to prove my existence. Kill me, i will accept it, just let me go.

It hurts so much to go on with life knowing my inevitable failure. And even if i dont fail, if i somehow by some miracle get to college, the cycle will start again, in every step of life theres some new competition i have to win to have the right to exist in society.

I dont know whats the point anymore its all the same shit in repeat. "OH but life has so much to offer" no thank you, i will take the receit and see myself out. If you say its about ppl? Family? Friends? Desi parents of queer children are hardly the point of life, and friends? What friends? The person who came to school and told me that she dreamt of dieing and was disappointed when she woke up?.

The people who to my face said they tolarate my existence?

"It doesn't matter what you think" it matters when i spend 5 days a week 6 hours a day with these sons of bitches.

I just fucking cant anymore, bro.

And i dont think i deserve to die, i dont hate myself that much anymore. But its so exhausting. Before i used to look for painless deaths, just quite and painless. Now i dont even care about that, make it quick, get me out of here, i dont care how much blood and gore i will turn into just let me leave.

[thealterscrolls]

Hey! 'Tis me. I'm here with some numbers for the fic ask; there were so many to pick from and they were all really interesting questions so I couldn't narrow it down to just one. Hope that's okay. Anyway, any of you can answer these, and you can answer as many or as little as you want.

13 (music)

34 (personal life…no pressure to answer this one by the way)

45 (genre/trope)

50 (writing style)

57 (foreshadowing) Good luck with all your writing! :D

helo charlie friend, tysm for the ask! you picked out some banger questions and jakob and i were happy to answer them! without further ado, all of our long winded answers will be below the cut. apologies in advance for the walls of text lol

13. Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

cas: i personally have a hard time writing if the music has words but writing in silence is hard too, so my go to writing music for YEARS has always been anything by Peter Gundry. i used to just listen to his dark magic music compilations on youtube, but now i'll go through his albums on spotify. i'll write to music with words on rare occasion but only if it's a character/fic playlist of songs that remind me of the character or story in some way. i generally don't make those playlists public, but i have found that i put Lord of the Lost in as many playlists as possible to the point that a lot of them are half LOTL songs lol. here's a casual link to my recs playlist for that band lmao.

34. How much of your personal life/experience do you include in your fics?

jakob: id say we tend to incorporate a lot, which is funny if i answer on a more personal level because i dont consider myself to have lived that much life at all to be incorporating anything valuable of it. i've only been around in this system a couple months. but regardless of which of us is doing the writing, we all will pull from everyone's experiences. some things just read more viscerally when you have a memory of experience to take notes from. always have to change up details of course. it's like that homework copying meme except the copied stuff looks better than the original thing.

45. What genre/trope do you tend to write the most?

jakob: it's either comedy or it's super angsty drama/romance. rarely inbetween. i think i stick more to the dramatic, angsty stuff though. i havent written anything very humorous. im way too conscious of how much of an endless barrage of sadness my current wip is. i almost feel bad and want to lighten it up a bit lol. meanwhile cas loves writing both emotional shit and extremely stupid cursed goofy shit. they're also that asexual person who has an unnecessary amount of never-to-be-published smutty wips because exploring that kind of stuff is fun to them, but i am the asexual who could not be less interested in being near that kind of thing, much respect to those who are. i dont know enough about tropes to know which ones we write the most.

50. How would you describe your writing style?

jakob: i think i have a fairly literal writing style. they go here. they do that. being "flowery" with descriptions is a conscious effort and unless i get a specific visceral concept or wording in my head, it will just be a pretty straightforward description of events. i imagine the jump from "x does y thing" to "eloquent description of an abstract emotion" might be fairly noticeable. and to be fair, i think it's this way with everyone in the system. i dont think there's any significant difference between our writing styles, including handwriting.

57. How conscious are you about including symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics?

cas: very conscious! it's one of my favorite things about writing fics and often is the basis for a fic concept. i love when writing has little motifs and is self referential AND THE PARALLELS! GOD THE PARALLELS MY BELOVEDS!!! if i cant include a billion parallels in my shit am i even writing? this is honestly a system wide preference too because jakob's writing is like that lol. this is one of the reasons we prefer to write fics completely before posting them so we can sufficiently make sure the parallels work out and things are tied up neatly. but its also the biggest reason we dont really have much posted either </3

[indigo474]

thoughts-13024

it's that time of year again... i'm trying to come up with my perfect valentines day and all i can really come up with is if i had a partner I would want to be naked with them. Its not Valentines day yet so i have time to come up with what i would want/to do for valentines day.. if i had a partner.

I saw my girl kika tonight.. she was acting crazy- i could tell she felt good.. her eye is cloudy.. i'm so sad. its not bad and i have no idea how long it will take to get bad.. she is such a good girl. volume night.. 190x5x3- i promised i would lift at the gym. i cant bring MAdison with me.. i feel like its been forever since ive seen the sun.. gray day after day.. i left work a little after 5 and there was still day light... i'm weird... i like the darkness.. i could do without the cold weather but i dont mind the long nights.

work stresses me out. i try to not let it, but it does. im going to the flower show this year. im excited. i havent been there in years... i think i was 13. i remember how good it smelled. i get my news from memes and WW3 could break out and i feel like i wouldn't know. do i really want to know though? my hands are ripped up from the hex bar and my feet are beyond what any pedicure can make pretty because of running. ive been going deep within myself the past few weeks... lots of feels about lots of things... letting go again and again.. realizing most/all? is not personal. my mom can blame me for whatever it is she feels is wrong with our relationship.. its not personal.. for so many years i took it to be personal.. i am use to my commute.. i thought for sure i would hate it forever.. i drove my old commute yesterday and it didnt feel as good as it use to.. i like my new commute better.. this got me thinking about how we can get use to anything and maybe i would be able to get use to someone loving me and caring for me and showing up for me.. i'm sure it would probably feel weird at first because ive never had a true partner and it might even feel scary to open myself up to someone but i'm thinking that i might be able to get use to it.. just a thought.. life is good - i am blessed- i miss the sun- i love who i am- i never never would have thought THIS would be my life- NEVER- i could NOT see it- what other things can i not see- What else can i not imagine for myself? how good can life get? how good? how good? one other thing that has been bouncing around in my head for the past few days- become who you want to attract- makes sense-so many people are waiting for someone outside of themselves to make them happy or change their life or get them to enjoy life and start living and on and on- too much pressure to put on another human being. i am exhausted... good night-