#i do not know how reproductive magic works.

[crimeronan]

i kept thinking last night about this concept of AU luz creating a baby grimwalker of herself for camila. mainly thinking about camila's response before she's been told about the grimwalker thing. because. i love her. and i am soft.

i was thinking about the startled reaction of "oh god, my daughter is a teen mom," which would Literally Immediately give way to "OH GOD, my daughter is POSTPARTUM in a FANTASY WORLD THAT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND HUMAN BIOLOGY"

like. no judgment on the teen mom thing. luz lives in a world with very different cultural expectations and has never been taught about stuff like pregnancy. camila should not project her own cultural norms here. but also.

IMMEDIATE terror about the mom thing In General.

camila trying so hard to thread the line between "i'm not upset and i don't want to scare you" and "oh my god you Need a human mama guiding you right now." her immediate pivot to like. okay baby i know you're nervous about the human realm but would you Please talk to a doctor with me. Just Once. Please. Bplease....

camila holding Grimwalker Baby, who she very reasonably assumes is luz and hunter's baby, bc Grimwalker Baby looks exactly like luz but has hunter's eyes, & being like, "oh, she's Beautiful. what did you two name her?" while luz is like "well!! that..... kind of depends on if you like her or not :)"

[dilucsflame33]

I just had this idea! Though um if you up for it. It can be NSFW. Its how the turtles will react to an innocent S/o who unknowingly made a naughty joke. She never makes these jokes as she had no idea how!. Also she had accidentally texted the joke!.

Well oops on her part👀

This be how they react after that almost awkward text chat when she arrives at the lair. Thats all i can think of for now. This is gonna be good. Work your magic!

Innocent Turned Naughty 🔥

Ohh, honey, I have been waiting for this! I decided to do it head cannon style, so we're going with that. I hope this to your liking. Some of these aren't really jokes, just messages that could go into two ways. Obviously they took it to the deep end because they're men. 😂

🔞 Warning 🔞 NSFW 18+ Only

Dirty talk and some crack because we all need humor. 👌🏻

Your turtle terrapin was relaxing in the lair when his phone buzzed at a random. He would usually do his favorite type of activity during these times, so relaxing on the couch was a new norm he would get used to.

When he opened the message, however, was when his eyes widened at the message you've just sent to him.

• "Wanna go to the dojo and give me a private lesson?"

• Mouth dropped, eyes wide

• Went complete shut down

• This poor man doesn't know what to do

• But he will admit that he's intrigued

• You are his innocent, little blossom. Why did that line made his heart race?

• He doesn't text back

• That man calls!

• When you picked up, however, you were all cheerful as ever.

• "You do realize what you have done, right?"

• Confusion on your end, until he told you about the message you've sent. You started panicking.

• "O-Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry! I was actually wanting to do some training since you have an off day. So I thought that you could teach me."

• Awkwardness falls.

• Leo rubbed his face, completely embarrassed about thinking of such things of you like this.

• "I apologize, blossom. I kind of went to the deep end." He chuckled nervously as he looked around the room, hoping no one heard their conversation.

• "Oh, no, you're fine! I mean," you paused as you brought up the last bit of courage you have. "I was actually like to have a lesson, if you know what I mean." He could hear that teasing tone, even though your voice wavered a bit.

• *Que Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen* Mother, I've just killed a man.

• He took in a deep breath, exhaled slowly. "I was going to let you off the hook but, since my little one wants to tease, I expect you down here in 20 minutes. Do you understand me?"

• He laughed when he heard you scurrying around your apartment. This is going to be fun.

• "Bench press me?"

• The man was shooketh to the core!

• Had to placr his phone down just so he could breathe.

• That text can go into different ways and he's thinking of the naughty kind.

• Oh, he can bench press you alright. He'll press you into a mating press, that's what he will do!

• Another vibration was heard and he looked the text. It was from you.

• "I'm so embarrassed. I just realized on what it sounds like and I'm so sorry!"

• He ain't having it. Oh, heck naw! You've poked the bear and you're gonna get the grizzly.

• Eat you up until there's nothing left, babe!

• He called you.

• "H-Hello?" You spoke with uncertainty. He hasn't responded until he called. You're a little nervous right now.

• "What kind of pressing are we talking about here? Cause all I'm thinking of is you, in a mating press, and you screaming my name until my brothers complain about the noise."

• You've just died happy.

• "Teach me some anatomy, love? 🥰"

• Donnie raised a brow as he read the message you've just sent.

• Anatomy, huh?

• "Which part of anatomy?" He replied back as he continued to read until you've messaged him back.

• "Reproductive system."

• His brain short suricated.

• "And the muscles and tendons. To see what they do if they go passed their limits."

• Oh, he's trying so hard not to go to the deep end. But it's hard to when the conversation is like this!

• He called.

• "Darling," he replied when you've picked up his call. "Re-read what you've just said to me."

• You were confused until you've spoke the message out loud. He can't help but smirk when he heard your voice being covered by your hands. "Now, to answer your question. I will teach you, but it's best if I could demonstrate. If you don't mind."

• He laughed when he heard you scream out away from the phone. Oh, this is entertaining.

• "Which type do you prefer? Sweet or spicy?"

• Mikey pondered in thought. "I like sweet!"

• "Sweet is nice, but I like to have some spicy. ^^"

• Oh, you all know where this is going.

• This man has a dirty mind, so don't be surprised when he replied something naughty in return.

• "Ooh, spicy, huh? I will definitely spice things up, if you know what I mean." He sent a smirking emoji after that.

• You were a blushing mess when he sent that smirk emoji.

• "That's not what I meant!" You replied with a blush.

• Mikey chuckled as he called you.

• When you answered however, he groaned deep from within his chest. "Angel, if you want spicy, I definitely got the spice! Come over here and have a taste!"

• But what shocks him was when you replied back.

• "Oh, really? You're big talk, baby. Give it to me then."

• Now it's his turn to blush. He didn't expect you to counter back like that.

• "Come over and I will!" He challenged.

• He could hear keys and a door slam. Oh, you're serious!

• Let's just say the man rushed to his room and done a quick clean up.

Tags:

@turtle-babe83 @post-apocalyptic-daydream @happymoonangel @hotredphoenix @pheradream15 @scholastic-dragon @tmnt-tychou @thelaundrybitch @leosgirl82 @turtlesmakemehappy @nittleboo @fyreball66 @akesdraws-blog @rin-rin-winter @ashleighclark98 @sharpwindow

Here's my Master List!

🔞 REBLOGS ONLY, NO REPOST 🔞

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Sebek Zigvolt - Platinum Jacket Vignette

"Happy 100th Anniversary"

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Sebek: That pedestal there is a reproduction from the King of Beasts' bedchamber, and that teacup yonder is ceramic wear with a Queen of Hearts motif.

Sebek: Heheh… That's right, my preparatory research is completely perfect. With this, there shall be no opportunity for me to embarrass myself due to a lack of artistic knowledge.

Sebek: There is no way I can allow myself to appear unsightly now that I've been appointed a supporter of the Land of Dawning National Museum of Art.

???: Hm? What's with this green light in the middle of the painting…? Oh, it's just a bonfire flame.

???: Those fairies look like they're having a blast partyin' like that, I wonder if something good happened.

Sebek: How dare you claim them to be "partying." This is a painting depicting the Thorn Fairy's men extolling her grand exploits!

Ace: Ack, Sebek… Looks like I got caught by an annoying one. So what, you're tellin' me this painting's got something to do with the Thorn Fairy?

Sebek: Exactly. It is often said that these men were as proud of the Thorn Fairy's achievements as if it were their own, and would express their joy with their whole body and soul.

Sebek: Anyone should be able to infer how magnificent the Thorn Fairy was just from witnessing these men's unwavering loyalty.

Ace: Uh-huh, okay. Kinda just looks to me like they're just partyin', maybe masking it as a celebration for the Thorn Fairy.

Sebek: Don't you dare liken them to superficial humans like yourself. Each one of those fae that appear in this tale are all diligent folk.

Sebek: Back in my hometown there are many stories of the Thorn Fairy and other fae passed down for generations. We even have special functions held to emulate their greatness.

Ace: Sure. Can't see those functions as being anything other than boring, though, if it's attended by lame, "diligent" faes～

Sebek: Heh, curious, are you? One such event that has been around for a long while now is a dress color changing competition. Whosoever is able to magically dye the dress to the color closest to the provided example is the victor.

Ace: Ugh, that pisses me off that it's actually kinda cool-soundin'…

Ace: But I guess the whole having to use magic for it just shows it really is an event in the fae-rich lands of Briar Valley.

Sebek: …In my youth, my elder brother and sister took me to witness one such competition and I was struck with amazement.

Sebek: I was completely taken in by everyone's astounding magical prowess to turn a dress vivid blue or pink in the blink of an eye…

Sebek: I remember how excited I was to learn magic as soon as possible so I may also take part in this contest.

Ace: Guess even you have adorable moments. So, what place in the competition did you get once your long-awaited magic finally manifested?

Sebek: Don't be absurd. Color changing magic is a course of study that human mages only learn in their courses at an arcane academy.

Sebek: This was merely something I found enchanting as a mere child. Obviously I would not take part in such a contest now.

Ace: You suuure? Sounds pretty fun to me. Oh hey, then how about you and me have our own little contest with color changing magic back at my dorm sometime.

Sebek: Why would I set foot in Heartslabyul…? Wait.

Sebek: Surely I am mistaken, but… Were you intending on shoving your rose-dying tasks onto my shoulders?

Ace: No way, I wasn't saying that at all! C'mon, don't you think it'd be a great little competition to have with a fellow freshman?

Sebek: Your excuses will not work on me! I know for a fact that you constantly complain over having to paint the roses.

Sebek: The only contest I had any interest in attempting was the dress color changing competition in Briary Valley. Do the tasks assigned to you on your own!

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Ace: Oh hey, I know this one. It's a painting of a girl and some talking flowers.

Sebek: According to the legends, the flowers native to the country the Queen of Hearts' presided over had the ability to speak.

Sebek: Who would have thought that the flowers cultivated there would be able to speak or sing as such. I'm sure it was disturbingly loud in the Queen's country.

Ace: Sure, probably. But hey, probably a lot less loud than your voice can get.

Sebek: …Perhaps if you were to cease your own impudent retorts, I wouldn't have a need to raise my voice.

Ace: Reeeaaally, you think? 'Cause to me it feels like you're always angry about something.

Sebek: Of course not. I simply find the uncouth antics of you humans to be utterly aggravating.

Sebek: I know there is a time and place for everything. I myself would never do something as rude as to throw a damper on enthusiastic festivities.

Sebek: In fact, I attended a performance at a live music club just the other day and I did not chide the audience for their overjoyed shouting one bit.

Ace: …Eh. What did you just say? YOU WENT TO SEE A LIVE MUSIC PERFORMANCE!!!???

Sebek: Why would you react as such?

Ace: I mean, come on, didn't strike you as someone who'd go to something like that. So, like, what was the live show you went to go see?

Sebek: My latest venture brought me to attend a small show that showcased a collaboration between bands that primarily performed heavy metal music.

Sebek: This was all due to Lilia-sama, who imparted on me that this was the best way to train my imagination, and that listening to live music is an important part of life.

Ace: Aaah, that makes sense now. But hey, do you even listen to heavy metal?

Ace: I mean sure, you can kinda get into it once you're at the concert even if you don't know the songs, but if you don't even like that kinda stuff in the first place, ain't it tough to actually take in?

Sebek: "Get into it once you're at the concert"? Don't liken me to someone like you. Of course I went to the show after doing my due diligence in research.

Sebek: If I were to attend the show without a full understand of what I am to partake in, it would be an absolute disservice to Lilia-sama's recommendation.

Sebek: I studied everything from the exact times the music club opened their doors and how the audience would be filed into the venue, to the established rules on refreshments, to the proper cheering behavior utilized by the crowd near the front of the house…

Sebek: I believe it is called a "mosh pit." Prior to attending the performance, I made sure to carve into my body and soul the different techniques and proper etiquette as well.

Sebek: On that day, I purport that I banged my head back and forth much harder than anyone else there, shouting and cheering alongside them.

Ace: Don't think I've ever heard of someone practicing to mosh before. But I guess it sounds like you had a pretty fun time, though.

Sebek: Indeed. Although, I did run into slight trouble.

Ace: Huh, what kind of trouble? Cause some mischief, did ya?

Sebek: Absolutely not! I'm not sure if they lost their footing during the show or what, but the performer fell forward towards the audience.

Sebek: I immediately caught the performer and returned them to the stage. After that, the show continued smoothly until the end.

Ace: PFFT! You seriously returned the performer to the stage!?

Sebek: Obviously. I could not allow this concert that Lilia-sama had recommended to me be cancelled merely because the performer had become injured!

Ace: Bwahahaha! Looks like all that prepping you went through didn't help at all. All they wanted to do was stage dive, too.

Sebek: A stage dive…? Hold on now, don't tell me that was part of the performance!?

Sebek: I suppose the performer did look rather stunned when I returned them to the stage… Ghurk, what a blunder…!

Ace: Oh man, that's so hilarious. Wish I was there to see it. Hey, let's hit up a show together next time.

Sebek: SHUT IT! WHO WOULD EVER GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU!?

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Sebek: This is a painting of the hyenas who served the King of Beasts, I see. Their countenance depicts an atmosphere overflowing with trust from their liege and confidence in their own abilities.

Ace: Yeah? To me it just looks like they're up to something.

Sebek: Isn't that due to your own wily tendencies?

Sebek: I have seen you multiple times in locations outside the gymnasium during what should be basketball club hours.

Ace: Hey, it's not like I'm slacking off or anything. C'mon, I'm a freshman, right? Sometimes I get saddled with odd jobs from the upperclassmen.

Ace: But, man… Sometimes I do want to skip morning lessons on cold days. Hey, aren't there times you don't want to get out of bed when it's way too cold out, too?

Sebek: It's true that back home it has happened that I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. However, that was not because I wished to skip my training!

Ace: W-Woah, really? I thought you woulda hit me back with another "Don't liken me to you!" or something.

Sebek: I could not help it. I was thoroughly chilled to the bone that morning. It was so cold that there were numerous icicles dangling from our roof, as well.

Sebek: I did not even wish to fathom the temperature outside, but… I somehow forced myself out of bed to begin my morning training.

Sebek: Perhaps it was due to not having slept well, but I could feel my eyelids start to droop. So I decided then to attempt to wake myself up further with the bitter taste of coffee.

Sebek: I swallowed down the strong black coffee and believed myself ready to go. But that was the last thing I remembered.

Sebek: I ended up falling back asleep on the couch and when I finally woke up, it was past noon… An absolute blunder. This is a blot that I will carry with me forever.

Ace: Hey now, that's pretty normal, c'mon. Pretty steep to say you'll carry that forever.

Sebek: No, you are just weak-willed. I, however, strived through trials and tribulations to overcome the bitter cold of mornings and finally found "that" thing.

Ace: What're you acting so pompous about now?

Sebek: Heh, of course you'd be curious. I suppose I can tell you. The thing I am talking about is… A HOT WATER BOTTLE!

Ace: A hot water bottle…? You're seriously using a hot water bottle? Even in this day and age when we have air conditioners and heaters!?

Sebek: Do you seriously not understand? That thing is a fantastic item that warms your entire body without fear of causing a fire or desiccation.

Sebek: Cold winter nights not only diminishes my ability to fall asleep, but also affects the quality of sleep I am able to get. In turn, that makes it difficult to rise from bed…

Sebek: However, a simple hot water bottle prepared at bedtime can warm my body and lull me to sleep even in the coldest winters!

Sebek: The temperature can even be easily adjusted by wrapping it in a towel, or adding water to the bottle. A very convenient item.

Ace: Huh, interesting. I mean, sure, it might not use electricity, but I'm surprised you're using a "human" item.

Sebek: I received this hot water bottle from my father. Back when he had just arrived in Briar Valley, it apparently was very useful in keeping him warm even without magic.

Ace: Oh, so it's a hand-me-down, huh. And here I thought I'd get to hear another hilarious story or something～

Ace: Since it sounds like there ain't gonna be a punchline anymore, I think I'll go check out the shop. Byeee―

Sebek: YOU ASKED THE QUESTION, HEAR ME OUT UNTIL THE END! Good grief, I can't stand that human. …Hm?

Sebek: This is… A painting depicting a the human chattering along with animals. I've read this story in a book my grandfather gifted me.

Sebek: This young lady speaks of her dreams to these critters… Does she truly believe that her wish will come true without any effort on her part? What a lazy creature.

Requested by Anonymous.

[bitchesgetriches]

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Starting from nothing

How To Start at Rock Bottom: Welfare Programs and the Social Safety Net 

How to Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year

Ask the Bitches: “Is It Too Late to Get My Financial Shit Together?“

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Why Are Poor People Poor and Rich People Rich?

On Financial Discipline, Generational Poverty, and Marshmallows

Bitchtastic Book Review: Hand to Mouth by Linda Tirado

Is Gentrification Just Artisanal, Small-Batch Displacement of the Poor?

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights

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The Latte Factor, Poor Shaming, and Economic Compassion

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Stop Myself from Judging Homeless People?“

The Subjectivity of Wealth, Or: Don’t Tell Me What’s Expensive

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1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap

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Raising the Minimum Wage Would Make All Our Lives Better

Are Unions Good or Bad?

On intersectional social issues:

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On Pulling Weeds and Fighting Back: How (and Why) to Protect Abortion Rights

How To Get an Abortion 

Blood Money: Menstrual Products for Surviving Your Period While Poor

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Sexual Harassment: How to Identify and Fight It in the Workplace 

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Ethical Consumption: How to Pollute the Planet and Exploit Labor Slightly Less

The Anti-Consumerist Gift Guide: I Have No Gift to Bring, Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum

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[inhonoredglory]

I think it makes sense to say that angels as ethereal beings in heaven are sexless but if one or two spend 6000 years on earth BEING male-sexed human bodies it no longer makes sense. As people keep recognising, eating food, drinking and driving fast among other things are all deeply embodied experiences and these have fundamentally changed them as people. The whole Jesus story is the same deal, being embodied human is transformative. We live in a time when the concept of embodiment is deeply unfashionable and Cartesian dualism is entrenched, where endless body mods and casual drugs and careless manipulation of core human physiology is enacted with barely an afterthought for deep-reaching and irreversible consequences, but it's a deeply sick framework for seeing the world

(In response to this meta about ineffables and romance/asexuality)

First of all, they don’t have “male-sexed human bodies.” They are literally "sexless unless they really want to make an effort” (Good Omens, 1990).

Like all of Neil Gaiman’s angels and demons (see The Sandman), Aziraphale and Crowley have no set genitalia, don’t (by default) engage in sexual activity, and they don’t always present or dress as male through history (although they often do).

critical-gemini-hero (excerpt): "Good Omens is the first big show I’ve seen to basically avoid transphobia all together when the opportunity presented itself, and even say fuck you to the gender binary as a bonus." Neil Gaiman (excerpt): "Thank you! That was definitely what we were going for." (source)

So no, they quite literally do not have “male-sexed human bodies” and they do not ascribe to human gender norms.

In addition, what you are suggesting is that “being in a male human body” equates to “feeling male” and “feeling sexual” because “the body dictates internal experience.”

There are literally millions of people, actual human beings living in physical bodies, who (despite living in culture) still DO NOT feel that the gender assigned to their bodies is reflective of their lived, internal experience. Merely having physical attributes does not mean you have a corresponding internal experience. You can be forced by your parents, teachers, elders, peers and everyone else to FEEL a certain way because of your “sexed human body” but it won’t make it true inside you.

If one's internal experience were so unimportant, then we wouldn't have 82% of transgender individuals consider suicide (source) because of the stigma of trying to get out of the norms assigned to them because of their "sexed human bodies."

Aziraphale and Crowley have lived in history long enough to know how varied and complicated the concepts of gender AND sex have been historically. As spiritual beings, I think seeing how much humanity has varied in its ideas on sex and gender only confirms to them how unlike humans they are (with humanity’s obsession with genitalia, sex, reproduction… food, shelter, warmth, breathing––all things that angels and demons do not need to survive).

They love humanity, they love its pleasures and inventions, but they are still very much detached from it. Looking like humans definitely doesn't help them feel like humans at all. (Look at how they talk about us!)

What are we, sniffer dogs??? They don't know what we feel like on the inside or how our biology works (we sure ain't sniffer dogs) because despite some surface appearances, they don't have the same internal experiences as us. Despite being here since the dawn of time. Despite looking like us in many ways.

They can magic up clothing and sideburns and eldritch heads to scare trigger-happy corporate men, and yet somehow gender and sex (as specifically Western-binary concepts) are something they'd totally get down with?

Also, your line of reasoning imagines people having no internal motivation or desire and suddenly get a tattoo and start to become a “bad person” or something. Yes, of course changing our bodies can affect our psychology, but our internal identity much more often influences our bodily choices than the other way around. I'm taking the drugs because I'm already depressed. I'm getting the tat because I want something cool on my body. I'm taking testosterone because I want my inner identity reflected in some ways on my physical body.

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

The sorcerer's demonic firstborn

As you two grew older the little wish to form a bigger family almost seemed unattainable, thankfully you have some friends that can help your dilemma

WC: ~7,1 K

Cw: issues conceiving, Solomon is implied to be unfertile, implied AFAB with they/them pronouns, pregnancy mentioned

Lucifer

" I must admit." Lucifer leans forward to reach for the demonus to fill his glass again "As much of a pest you can be in surprised you found a bottle of demonus so old"

Solomon laughs lightly " an upside of the whole time travel problem" he leans backwards on the chair, getting comfortable "I wasn't sure if things would get suddenly aged or stay the same but it seems it does affect"

" As pliant as good demonus makes me, I will insist on what your intentions are in inviting me here. Surely you don't expect me to believe this is out of the goodness of your heart?" He sips the demonus, slowly smelling its deep aroma

Solomon only sighs "well then, gotta say you caught me there. I want to ask a favor"

Without looking up from his cup he starts " if this has anything to do with a pact do forg-"

" We want your help to have a child"

Lucifer coughs loudly, bringing his hand to catch a stray droplet running down his lip

"Excuse you?"

°•~•°

He, as awkward as it was, rationalizes the request as helping you two with magic, as he promises to search for a spell book

" I believe there is an asexual biparental reproduction spell somewhere inside the royal library. I can ask Lord Diavolo for it"

" We already tried, Barbatos brought it to me but when we tried it didn't seem to work" he refills his own glass " so we thought, if we can't have a child then we should ask the one demon that mc trust with their life"

Lucifer leans backwards against the chair, trying to seem relaxed yet he could see how stiff his jaw was

" I must politely decline your… offer"

" Lucifer, I know you liked YN and we want a kid, so think of it as a exchange" Solomon sips the drink and Lucifer swallows spit " if you want to sweeten the deal I won't ask you to make a pact~" Solomon teases as he extended his hand for him to shake

As soon as they close the deal Solomon quips in "Obviously only for 100 years~ I still will never rest happy until then~"

" How annoying you are" Lucifer sighs heavily yet the corner of his lip twitches slightly

After you fall pregnant Lucifer keeps a distance, unsure if it would be adequate to try and play a more active role, so he simply settles for acting as normal, hugging you goodbye when you leave to the human realm around your third month

You stayed there for your whole pregnancy and first months until eventually the two human representatives returned to the demon lord's castle for a dinner marking the anniversary of the exchange program

Sitting down next to Mammon who kicked Levi out of his chair so you could sit next to him, Diavolo looks at you joyously " YN So long without seeing each other! You had us concerned for one second" He smiles joyfully " for one second we thought your stay at the devildom wasn't pleasant enough for you to return!" He laughs loudly yet for one second you sense nervousness

" Of course not! I was just very… sick lately and I got better not too long ago" you take a sip of the berry juice Barbatos served you when you arrived

" I'm happy to hear you got better!" Diavolo looks toward Barbatos , looking at the hour on the grandfather clock "do you know where Solomon may be? it's almost time" Diavolo asks

Plainly walking from the balcony Solomon pops out "I'm here" but it seems that the sights of everyone but Lucifer were on a baby carrier he had strapped to his chest "the brat got restless so I took her for a walk and some fresh air"

" Solomon has a child?" Diavolo's eyes go wide open before congratulating him " I see! So that is why Yn didn't come here a lot. You two finally managed to conceive a child!"

"A human kid?" Luke jump out of his chair towards Solomon while Simeon follows behind him, trying to calm him down

" There Luke, there. The baby will still be there even if you don't run"

" I have never seen a human kid so young!" He tugs on Solomon's arm to try and get a closer look, from where he is he can only see soft tufts of black hair

Simeon grabs him and settles him on his hip so he can look better " I'm sorry, he is really excited"

" It kind of looks like YN but not really like you, Solomon…" Luke pouts, running his index finger through the baby's fine hair

" Yup, Estelle looks a lot like YN, maybe that is why I love her so much" he laughs as he sees her small hand grab Luke's finger and how his eyes shone at her little giggling

" Oi, oi, what cha mean it looks like YN?" Mammon joins on the chatter

" Well, it's my daughter so…" you teasingly say

" You weren't joking when you said you two got married?!"

" Nop, I did indeed steal your YN away" Solomon laughs in an exaggerated manner as he shows off his ring, making the baby jump in the carrier getting some giggles out of her.

He walks to were mammon is seated, standing to the side

" Whatcha want?" Mammon crosses his arms defensively, leaning towards where you are seated

" My~ can't I sit with my spouse? Maybe the baby wants to go with them in the middle of dinner" he takes Estelle out of the carrier showing her off to prove his point

"As if shady-"

"MAMMON" Lucifer yells as if he was reprimanding a small child. Now with his tail figuratively between his legs mammon exchanges seats where Solomon would be, in front of 'your' seat being used by leviathan, who side eye mammon the whole dinner

Quickly changing his mood looking at the child " so you named her Estelle?" He rests his hand on his chest, a small pleased smile on his lips

Solomon pats her head as she tries to snag the vibrantly colored napkin " yup, we thought it was a fitting name, don't you think?"

He simply smiles "Of course. Just perfect"

It's not until later ( around two years) when Lucifer starts to be a little more present. He handles young children that can talk better than babies.

Could be persuaded or maybe propose to help again

" So for today's tea time what cursed record do you want?" He asks as he browsers through his collection. Solomon and you were summoned at the sorcerer's academy so you left Estelle with Lucifer

" That record that you played last time! please"

" Oh? A selkie's yearning? As you wish" he swiftly starts playing it as sits on one his couches and sees Estelle climb up the facing chair, settling the teapot he bought for her two year birthday

" I want herbal tea!" She smiles messily

" There are many herbal teas, do be more specific" he lightly teases

" I want peach! Because it is the name of the princess in the movie I saw yesterday!"

" As you wish" swirling his finger the pot suddenly fills with hot water and dried fruit slices " now, as we wait, may you tell me why you behaved like a hellhound when you got dropped by? It's uncharacteristic for both of your parents to be dragged out to the point of only nodding"

" Pft, I wanted a baby sister! Emmie has one, cammie has one on the way and wi-wi has a baby brother " with each if the friends she mentions she lifts one finger, as if trying to make a point

" I see… well it might be not be possible beca-"

" Daddy also asked if we could have one!"

" He did? And what did YN say?" Now truly interested he prods at the subject

" They were all like ' I don't know what, too much to ask him, something more blah blah blah. I don't know why it is so hard to plant a cabbage and gime my sister!"

" Really?" Lucifer settles on his couch comfortably, sipping the tea. Well, she now got a big enough to reach chairs and tables and he saw how much fun both if you seemed to have raising her

" I even wrote a list of names! Emmie's sister is called jade, Cammie's sister is going to be Jazmine and wi-wi's is oak so my sister should be something with stars! " she reasons as she pulls a list " i was thinking Aster but she can't have a prettier name than me!"

" You wrote that?" He looks at the messily written paper

" Dad and I were reading baby names and I copied the pretty ones!" She mouths each of the syllables marking each sound " Aster, Danica, Tara"

" I see you have gotten better at reading, last time I taught you you could barely read sentences. Good job"

She puffs her chest with pride, a smug smile crossing her cheeks " of course I have! Did you know that I am the only one of my friend group who can spell big words! I'm even better than some of the bigger girls!"

" Of course I know. I did teach you. Remember?" She lets a breathy laugh

" Estelle! We are back!" Solomon's voice calls from downstairs to which she sets off running

" Be careful with the rug" Lucifer follows behind walking normally

" So? Did you have fun with uncle Lucifer?" He sees you just at the steps of the stairs, hugging Estelle

" Yn, Solomon, you returned quicker than I expected. Estelle didn't even finish her tea"

" Oh, the owl sent the letter to the wrong direction so we got it, it was a simple misunderstanding"

" Good to know. Wo-"

Estelle suddenly sighs heavily, dramatically leaning to the side, tugging on Solomon's sleeve " father! I'm passing out from tiredness, I require a bed!" Before giving a badly disguised wink

Solomon only smiles at the antic, almost laughing seeing Lucifer's and your's confused faces " well, would you want to sleep in yn's former room from when we meet? Meanwhile the adults can talk for a while"

" Do you know why she acts like that?" you ask Lucifer, slightly leaning your head to the side

Snickering, he sees Solomon guide Estelle to the guests room " she started talking about how her friends have siblings"

" Don't tell me she started complaining to you too? I'm sorry, I will tell her to quit it when we come home"

He only hums " she also said Solomon was pestering you too. I wonder what came first?"

" I will admit they teamed up against me in this one" you tiredly let a laugh out " still I already told them both to let it go. Maybe buying a puppy will make her happy"

" Why not give her a proper sibling?"

" Ha. Ha. Very funny"

" I don't joke about this matter. If you two were to agree it could come about two months after Estelle's birthday"

Before you can answer Solomon hugs both of your shoulders from behind, resting his chest against your back " i like the idea, Estelle is entering the stage of running around and yelling all over the house, with a baby sibling she would stay a bit quieter for the sake of the baby"

You lean your head to the side, hair tickling Solomon's nose " it makes sense and Lucifer agrees but I have to stay in the devildom for a season for the magic seal projects and it is harder to teleport pregnant…"

Solomon hums " so it's a ‘not now’, right?"

" Let's talk about it again thoroughly when winter comes and Estelle returns to preschool. Either way I do miss having a baby"

He would not deny the fact of being his biological father if confronted or asked about but wouldn't go out of his way to properly break the news it most likely would go like

" Uncle Lucifer??? We have to talk?” Estelle opens the door to Lucifer's office, almost swinging the door off of it's hinges

Without lifting his sight from his papers he nods " yes? What might you need help with?"

“ You know how blood type works right?” She pushes a family tree over his stack of papers “ I'm wondering how our father is AB+ while the twins are O-, because if my punnett square doesn't lie that is impossible”

“ You father might have forgotten what blood type he is, that should be all”

Without paying him much mind Estelle keeps her monologue “ So I started making some informed journalism and asked uncle mammon about your blood types and, curiously enough, with our progenitor’s blood type only one person would be their biological father”

Suddenly standing still and pointing her finger at Lucifer she exclaims "Did you and my parent cheat on my dad???"

Looking at her plainly and sipping his coffee he grabs his document from under the family tree "I wouldn't say cheating, it would be closer to help conceiving"

Getting surprised at how easily he ‘confessed’ she just sits on the chair in front of him, now processing what she didn't truly believe what she was accusing him of

" Oh I see, a one time thing because they wanted more kids, i kinda understand it now…"

" I guess"

"But it's strange to see the twins and know we are half siblings"

" You three are full blooded siblings, actually"

" oh. …. OH"

Mammon

Very eager to help, maybe even unprompted, just talking about your difficulties with Solomon rather loudly and he will offer to help without really knowing what is really the problem.

Even after being explained he will help with the excuse that 'your first man should be your first choice' but is really happy that you trust him enough to let him help you form your family

You rest your back against the header of the bed, sighing as Solomon returns from the kitchen with a bag of chips

" It sounds like a sad sigh, not a relieved sigh. Did it not…" he tries to handle the subject softly but still is unsure how he can comfort you

" No it did not" you grab a pillow and push it against your face, deafening a scream. not wanting to vent your frustration on Solomon but still needing to get it out

" There, there" he pats your thigh

"maybe next time will be it"

" Maybe or maybe we may need help"

" Mmh… I guess if next time it doesn't work we might look for help"

Suddenly your door opens and mammon appears with the biggest smile on his face " well human! Because I heard you two cry for help I, the great mammon, will come to your aid! So wish forth!

" Unless you can make us a child i doubt you can help mammon" you snap at him, your mood sour. When Solomon touches your shoulder comfortingly you relax " I'm sorry mammon but don't offer your help of you don't know what you are volunteering for"

Mammon face pales, he seems to not have eavesdropped enough to know what you were truly talking about " I-I of course know how to help you" he swallows his spit " demons have been interacting with humans for longer than you think. I could help you but of course if you want I mean I obvs-" tuning him out half way through you look at Solomon who looks back at you

"What do you think?" He mouths

" if you agree too maybe we can try"

" I would love to try"

" Mammon" you snap him out of his nervous rant " we would love your help"

Quickly puffing his chest he boats " pff OF COURSE you two couldn't afford to lose the opportunity to raise the descendants of the great mammon! If they are half as great as I am they might be known for years to come"

" Of course! They will be known for failing the biggest theft in history if they turn out like you" Solomon teases him as he grabs your hand

"OI!"

He is, in contrast with his older brother, very present during the pregnancy . He has experience being ordered around by witches and can adapt to sudden mood changes

" Mammon" you shake him awake, as he looks out the window of the guests room he barely sees a light peach ray peeking from the horizon

" Is something wrong?" He yawns lightly, stretching his spine before a thought snaps him out of it. Quickly seated upright" did ya go into labor or did you get contractions?"

" Nothing like it. The kid got hungry. He wants- " before you can finish he already has a foot outside the bed and is putting on a sandal

" French vanilla bean ice cream with chili oil and pickles. I remember" he swiftly puts on his jacket as he journeys for the other sandal " what do you need"

" We need more ice cream" you see as he finds his sandal underneath the night stand

Without any more words he left to find the ice cream fully knowing that when he returns you will be sleeping or whining about back palm or the spicy third option of crying because you saw how small the newborn boots were.

Returns to the devildom when the baby is two months and your little family stays at the cocytus hall for weeks at a time, essentially moving in as a nanny

You stand back as you see mammon almost kick down the door while trying to open it " I guess it rusted while nobody lived here, huh" as you three look inside it stayed just as you remember from the nightbringer incident, just three layers too many of dust

Solomon quickly snatches the baby as you enter the house, lifting dust around you " Solomon do you remember this couch! It was the last piece of furniture we bought before returning!" A big puff of dust flying up in the air as you fall on said couch. The former royal blue hidden behind a coat of gray dust

As he smiles from the door he leans to the side, baby tucked between his arms " I remember. I believe that Mammon himself recommended that unit"

Mammon suddenly looks up " huh? Me? I don't remember" but he brushes it off and keeps checking if various furniture are still working

Solomon stays outside, far too worried about the baby not inhaling one speck of dust " it was about two thousand years ago I believe, so…" mammon only nods, having given up on trying to remember a fleeting furniture recommendation more than a thousand years ago. Either way you had given up on trying to know if the brothers remember the things from back then or if that formed another timeline completely

" How long do you think it will take for us to clean this" Solomon asks from outside

" If we only clean the living room, kitchen and two rooms, maybe two days?" Mammon, runs his fingers over the table, lifting a noticeable amount of dust

Nodding along he now asks " and if I commanded 70 demons?"

You laugh hysterically as you walk towards him, trying to hold your child but he doesn't allow you to, whispering something about dust sticking to clothes " are you still so scared of Barbatos you refuse to summon him again?"

Solomon gives you a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes " he teleported me to a dragon's nest, YN"

" That was more than a thousand years ago~"

Quickly leaving the house mammon stretches lazily " how about you ask your demons to tidy up and we go get lunch, baby!"

As you four arrive to ristorante six mammon goes to grab a table with Edmund as you and Solomon and order

Toying with a grim he puts the kid on his knees, as if they were talking " grim" he dangles the gold coin in front of the baby, who was looking intensely at it " here" he slips the coin between his tiny hands, needing both to grab it

" Mammon?" The familiar voice calls from behind, when he turns to see he sees beel, carrying a tray with a mount of burgers " you are here again! Lucifer got worried sick when you suddenly disappeared"

Giggling slightly he points to the baby on his legs " oh well, YN and Solomon needed help with this little fella so as their first man I HAD TO help them"

When beel peeked his head he saw a chubby baby biting on some Grim and tugging on mammon's gold necklace, he could clearly see some semblance of your hair and nose on the child. Either way brushing it away beel sits in front of mammon, chomping on his burgers

" So, where are they? I don't believe I saw them"

Noticing the baby was getting tired of being seated, Mammon coddles it against his chest " supposedly, ordering food" as he looks toward the order line he meets gazes with you, simply waving at him. Waving back he asks beel " how are the others? Terribly sad that the great mammon left if I must guess"

Beel keeps chomping on his burgers but he simply says " nothing much really, the same as always, maybe asmo and Levi might come to buy some special edition thingy later" he points to the yellow and orange poster worth the drawing of a pudding with adzuki puree inside and pink flowers

" Hello you two~" you greet them, as you push the trays on the table " didn't expect to meet you here, beel" your shirt is tugged on by the sleeve by Edmund, who is looking up at beel

" Hm, I just finished practice so I'm famished" he notices the baby looking at his burger, or more exactly the yellow and red wrapper, " is he hungry?" He sounds a little worried " I heard human kids have to eat lots, have one buddy" as he tries to pass him an unwrapped burger something stops his hands, looking up it's Solomon's pale hand

" As of now Edmund only drinks milk, he isn't even three months old, feeding him burgers would make much more harm than good" beel swiftly takes his arm back, munching on the burger

" Guess i forgot human kids were delicate" he scratches his head

" OOOAAAH?!" a sudden yelp alerts you but it was only Levi, accompanied by asmo " is that Henry?" Skipping towards your table he almost throws himself for a hug but is stopped by a clearly pissed off Solomon in the way

" Be. Careful. With. The. Child" the shadow around his eyes thickens " how many times do I have to repeat it for you to remember"

" Child?" A soft coo makes him notice the small things on your lap. The two start some kind of staring contest, looking at each other for a good minute or so without blinking, then he looks at mammon's and goes back to Edmund "How strange… it's usually demons asking for witches' firstborns, not the other way around"

Truly a charm with babies and toddlers, they can just feel how much he cares and how much he means his 'uncle mammon will protect you regardless'

Mammon's phone shines in the middle of the night, he sees your profile picture with the text saying 'call incoming' he expected an accident call or something not a sniffy toddler calling him

" Edmund? Rockstar ? Did something happen?" He stays down on his bed listening to the kid

" Uncle mammon I had a bad dream" he had to stop for a few seconds because the hiccups got too strong " now I need to go to the bathroom but there is a monster under my bed. It wants to eat me"

"On the way kiddo. How did you even get Yn's phone?"

"They left it here when we were doing family reading round"

Black fog forms from the shadows under his bed, leaking forming a circle that soon starts to take the shape of a man, when it disperses mammon is standing right there

" Uncle mammon!" Edmund throws himself to his arms

" Tell me! Where is that disgraced monster?! I'm gonna make them regret the day they wanted to eat you" cue an extremely adorable sequence of mammon flashing his DDD flashlight, throwing cushions and fake fighting noises in his wardrobe. " And never return!" He steps out of the closet, jacket a little messy. Puffing his chest he acts as though he had fought a real beast " Fear not! For I, great mammon has slain the beast!"

" Uncle mammon!" The kid hugs his neck, dampening slightly the fabric of his shirt with his tears

" Haha, Uncle mammon will fight any beast for you kiddo

Is really close with the child, acting as the cool uncle that hides his fuck ups which might get him in trouble more often than not

" EDMUND!" Mammon hears your voice yelling from down the hallway. Getting away from the game machine he leaves the room, he sees a 15 year old Edmund sitting on the floor in front of you

" I promise! I didn't do it!" He exclaims angrily as if he was a good man getting accused of stealing

" Edmund! That was your father's and I's engagement ring!"

" It wasn't me! I swear!"

"Then why were you snooping around our room?!"

" I was looking for spare change for the arcade! That's all!"

Quickly standing between you two mammon yells " I'M SO SORRY YN! I SOLD IT FOR GRIMM"

" Mammon!"

Solomon glides into the room, holding a little velvet box " dear? Why is mammon hanging from the ceiling?" He looks up to find mammon hanging from a rope around his waist looking down on him already given up on setting himself free

You grunt annoyed " I went to put on my ring after bathing but when I went to the jewelry box it was nowhere to be seen. Mammon sold it" Solomon turns his head to the side, seemingly confused

" He… sold it?" He asks confusedly , to which you nod, "That is strange. I took your ring to recharge it, the magic was wearing off" he opens the velvet box and shows the silver ring with a shining blue stone

" So that means… MAMMON!"

" Hick! But I didn't do anything!!"

" For lying!"

Satan

By how nonchalant he seems you would have thought he already expected it

He didn't

He is still processing

Sensing people entering his room room Satan peeks down from the reading nook, leaning over the railing to see you enter

" Satan? Can we talk for a sec?"

Closing his book he settles it on the table in front of him " okay, come up"

Walking up the stairs he can see a small black bag under your armpit. Arching an eyebrow he leans against the wall

Before he asks what you want to talk about you start saying as you grasp the black fabric " I come with intentions of negotiation"

" Not even a hi?" He laughs lightly " okay then, YN what do you want to negotiate with the avatar of wrath?"

His eyes swipe to the table, now over the thick book there is a little black plushie of a cat and a stack of polaroids of Pollux and castor, your two Siamese cats.

As he spreads the photos on his hands his eyes twinkle as different poses of you and Solomon's cats flash by

" Oh? Starting heavy are we? Still haven't told me what you want"

" Well, You know how a few years ago sol and I took in some cats to 'liven up' the house " Satan hums as he keeps looking at the photos " we thought that maybe we wanted… kids…" he again mindlessly hums, only really focused on the picture of the twin cats eating on your glass table and their pink little paws "and we found we couldn't conceive so we thought about asking your help" you nudge his knee with your foot to get his attention back.

Looking at you with his wide green eyes his mouth opens slightly and stays like that for a second before he speaks

" By that you mean…" he stops for a second before smiling "Alright, allow me to help you two reach your dream"

Reads the last published medical papers (demonic and human) to look out for anything worry worth and try to ease your nerves (he is also nervous but we don't talk about that hahah). He ends up fighting with Solomon about demon pregnancy vs human pregnancy prenatal care

" Say yn, did you know that demon children need a substantial amount of calcium given their thicker bones?" Satan takes a bottle of calcium supplements out if his pocket " I noticed you haven't been eating nearly enough calcium"

" Satan…"

Solomon quickly joins, grabbing the bottle" and I might remind you that that baby is still half human, and I made sure to calculate just how much of everything they are eating"

" and might I remind you how YN almost passed out given their acquired iron deficiency? I do believe I'm safe to assume at least a small supplementation is needed" he looks at Solomon seething next to you before agreeing with a dry nod

That child I swear can read better than some high schoolers. Catch this three year old baby talk about an enlightenment manuscript he just read because it was the most age appropriate thing his uncle had at hand

" alright, brat, time to get going, we still have to drop you at school and get going to the academia " Solomon walks quickly into the fourth Born's room, eyes scanning it for the boy only to find him seated on the floor next to his uncle

Satan taps the kid's shoulder barely looking up his book " your dad is here, put on your shoes"

He doesn't look up from the old scroll on his sticky hands until Solomon is standing in front of him " Charles, we are running late. Book down, sit up and let's go"

The child looks at him as they walk out of the room " papa, can I tell you about Hume?"

Sighing knowing this will be all he will speak about the rest of the week" sure, kiddo, who was Hume?"

You and Solomon call him ' Satan's spawn ' when he misbehaves and he acts offended

" Goodness gracious! Charlie, stay still!" Your voice rips apart the silence in your home and Satan just stands at the door wondering what is happening

He was originally there to retrieve a spell book he lended you and now he needed to pull a prank, but now seeing you struggling with a toddler behaving like a feral dog

" Why is he behaving like this? He is usually so polite"

Gasping as charlie jumps out of your arms and runs next to Satan who quickly and with ease grabs his shoulders and holds him still " he ate some candy from the cupboard and now he behaves like a feral animal"

" I would say he is behaving like Satan's spawn!" Solomon's voice chimes from the stairs as he walks down with a small pile of books

Satan rises one eyebrow and looks at the kid " I'm not claiming this one, I prefer cats over feral dogs" he says somewhat offended before you two start laughing

Enjoys the role of uncle more than the role of parent so he would much rather not confess the child's conception and risk a change in dynamics

" uncle! Uncle!" A preteen boy comes inside, rushing in

" what is it now?"

" I'm boreedd" he whines as he starts flipping through books walking around his room

" well, I'm pretty sure your father left you more than a considerable amount of magical study homework"

" I was thinking more about testing how many cats we can sneak in before uncle Lucifer finds out" he smiles mischievous

Satan looks at him unamused " the maximum is 24, I doubt a kid would be able to do much better"

" oh, yeah? Then let's see how you apologize when you see I managed to beat you, old man!"

" oh? Did you reach puberty? Suddenly you got so gutsy" he smiles as he sees the boy run off to mischief " mmmh, should I tell Solomon and YN?... nah, he will surely be alright, Lucifer doesn't punish him harshly"

Asmodeus

" Who even turned off the white noise machine?!" Asmodeus marches from his bathroom only to find both you and Solomon seated on his bed " oh~? An early birthday present for me?~"

Solomon perks as asmo sits on your lap, pulling his legs over his own " glad to know you liked the surprise, thought about dropping by before we leave"

Asmo sneaks an arm behind your neck, pushing you closer and prompting you to touch his chest " OOooh you shouldn't have" his hand now cups your head, trying to make you lean so he could kiss you to which you do, granting you a kiss on the cheek " muah, I'm sure it was my dearest YN~ always so nice"

Running your fingers through his hair you admit to him being wrong " maybe most of the time but not this one, this was all Solomon"

Looking at him puffing his chest Asmodeus looks at him suspiciously " oh? It's unlike you to be so thoughtful. Unless you want something."

"Asmodeus! It hurts me that you think so lowly of me!" The pink eyes keep staring into his soul, unblinking and plain faced.

For some reason whenever Asmodeus is remarkably angry or suspicious he stops blinking, only staring straight into the person's eyes. When you and Solomon went to the past you noticed that in no moment did Asmodeus blink, at some point you agreed that he only blinks to resemble to some extent the succubi and incubi, rather than physiological need.

" Fine! Yes. We wanted to ask you for something" he puts his hands up defensively

Asmodeus gasps, turning to you with a kicked puppy face " so YN also knew everything but didn't tell me, meanie!" He purses his lips as if he was a spoilt toddler but is still cozying up in your lap.

Now with a flirty smile he adds " fufufu~ I will have to punish you two"

" Why don't you hear what Solomon has to say? I'm pretty sure you will like it" you smile twirling his hair with your fingers

Seeing as Asmodeus looks at him with a doozy smile Solomon explains " as you must have noticed by now YN and I are attempting for a child lately-"

" Oh~ so that is why you two didn't invite me those times"

" But we found that immortality doesn't stop all aging in the body, causing me to be unable to father children" he scratches his neck, looking to the side

" Oh, I already know what you two wanted to ask me~" Asmodeus looks at him, touching his shoulder reassuringly "so you want me to help you two out right? Fine but I will only ever be 'uncle Asmodeus'" he smiles devilish

Will only engage with the twins when matters like clothes come in

Asmodeus puts a hand on his chin, looking at the twin babies on their cribs “YN, dearie?" He calls out " who chose those…" he stutters for a second, as if calling them clothes was an offense "Rags?"

" mmh? Oh, well, for the first nine months of their life it's believed that children with magical parents should wear clothes with protective sigils just in case they summon something accident"

" I mean… I already knew that but do they have to be ugly or was that a personal choice on your part?"

" haha, you can blame your beloved Solomon, he wanted to make the tunics himself" as you see how he inspects the stitching that made up the sigils you joke a bit “I tried to tell him that this skills lay in magic not home rearing”

" I mean he did a pretty sweet job to be blindfolded" he makes a snide remark as he runs his finger through the edge stitching before he rips it with his sharp nail and takes a needle set from his bag “is it really that hard to make your stitching even?”

Will deny being anything other than their uncle. Will gaslighting gatekeep girlboss his way out of any suspicion. If they insist a lot he might confess but stand by the fact that he is their uncle not dad

"Horrible news, Uncle asmo! " A teen girl with short hair bursts through the door, teary eyed

" devastating news, uncle asmo!" A similar girl with long hair follows behind, both of them hang on both of asmodeus' shoulders

" oh? What happened?" He asks as he applies contour on his face, only half listening to them

" Today in class we were learning about blood types, right, esmeralda?"

" Right, Ruby, and we were making family trees" as she starts going on about how she dug through family records to know their grandparents blood types, asmo knew what they were going to say "and can you guess what?"

" what?"

" We are A+ and B+, right?" Asmo simply nods, even when he doesn't know " and do you know what our parents blood type is?"

" oh, tell me more" as he slowly goes to grab his phone Esmeralda grabs his hand

" both of them are O! Do you know what that means?!"

Feeling a drop of sweat fall down his neck and swallowing the lump on his throat he asks " what does it mean?"

As the twins look at each other they say at the same time "We were changed at birth!"

Sighing with relief, asmo grabs a lipstick and cleanly applies it on " oh, I wouldn't worry too much, Solomon is quite an old man and usually remembers things wrong surely he is mistaken"

Both of them relax a little, nodding along with his logic, as one of them sits on the bed another looks at his skincare "say uncle asmo, what is your blood type?"

The stroke that was supposed to be on his lower lip went down to his chin as he tensed up " why the wonder?"

" Uncle Asmo tensed up!" As ruby gasps and smiles " this is just in the telenovelas! You are so nervous to tell us because you are our real father!"

As the tweens were jumping yelping about the main character vibes they were getting Asmo sends one short text to Solomon

' come pick up your crotch goblins'

‘NOW’

Beel

He proposed it because he wants to see one of his most important people happy

(Wishes you name one of the twins Lilith or any variation )

He takes his shoes off at the front door, already knowing you would get mad at him for dragging mud all around the house.

he starts walking down the hallway with his orange socks to the arch leading to the living room “I dropped by earlier. Sorry if it caused an inconvenient for you two-” even if he couldn't hear or see either of you he falls silent, the feeling of sometimes plush under his foot making him jump to the thought that he stepped on your mini poodle, even if there wasn't much sound

As he kneels to check what was under his foot he picks up a child sized white coat, the material would make any infant look like a baby sheep.

“Huh?” He brings it closer to his face, deciding to leave it on a table besides a little IVF brochure. “Guys? Are any of you home?”

“ Up here!” A voice calls from upstairs, most distinctively Solomon's. As he walks towards him been can't help but notice one of the formerly closed doors now open and painted

“ You came early, huh? Don't your fungol matches last until 10? It's barely 8” Solomon doesn't turn to look at him, still hunched over a piece of crib and painting it white with pastel yellow stars and shines

“ Bad weather, the ground was too wet to play” he says plainly “what have you got there?”

“ mhm, a little gift for our anniversary.” Beel squats besides him, looking at the brush slowly paint the wood “If it ever happens I want to be prepared” Solomon laughs

“ If it ever happens?” He turns his head slightly, looking at him weirdly.

“We have been attempting for a while now and it doesn't seem likely yet… I have been trying to steer them towards other ways, at least they seem to be accepting of the IVF idea”

“ Like the paper thing on the table?”

Solomon nods “ yeah, we were thinking about it, they seemed unsure about having a donor, tho” the little black mini poodle walks inside the nursery and stands between Solomon's legs, seeking attention.

“ and I'm still am” your voice says from the door to the hallway, your shoulder leaning against the frame “it's such an awkward thing to ask… plus who would we ask?”

Silently lifting one arm beel says “ I could… if you guys want”

Will eat the same pregnancy cravings as you so you don't feel shy eating them in public

As you two walk the devildom’s streets buying things Solomon and you needed back at home you can't help but get glimpses of food promos and wonder, hydra blood custard with Quetzalcoatl brains, screaming cherry syrup over deviled pickles with dragon breath spicy sauce, or even devildom peaches with ground beef over

“ Are you getting hungry? I could eat a light snack. Five burgers might hit the spot” beel asks you as he carries the bags with newly bought equipment

“ Oh, I'm just getting the blunt end of pregnancy cravings, like I need something cold like blue flower frozen cream with black stinger bee spicy honey mustard and maybe some buffo egg over it. But I'm trying to ignore them” when you turn to him you can see his eyes shining brightly, two starts shaped Pupils looking at you in awe and a thin strand of saliva escapes his lips

He grabs both of your hands as he looks I'm awe “ That is literally the best thing I have heard today. Let's dig in”

Actually rather hands on! Uncle beel is at every little league game cheering even when you two can't be present

As you fall on the couch you lift both legs up, almost lying down. All stress leaving your body until a voice calls at you

“Why are you here? Shouldn't you be at Lily's match?” Solomon's head pops from the kitchen, on his hand a weird sandwich

Suddenly realizing that your preteen daughter wasn't with her father at her game you jump to your feet “ Me? I thought you were taking her there?!”

As you two try to call lily lying about traffic being bad and Already being on your way you get a text from beel

‘Are you two coming? :)‘

‘lily and I are waiting for you two with her team’

‘ but the match is starting in five minutes so hurry!’

As you put on your shoes again and Solomon runs to the car a breath of relief escapes your lungs

[astrosky33]

Hello Sky! Hope you’re having a smooth recovery 🙌🏼

I was wondering, since you use whole sign system, how do you interpret MC falling in the 11th and 9th house? Would love to know your insight

Have a nice day! 💕

For those who are confused by this:

In Whole Signs System your MC isn’t always in your 10H like in Placidus System. In Whole Signs your MC can be in the 8th-12th house

MC in 8H

》 You’re meant to leave a legacy that transforms people and their lives

》 Your career may involve psychology, surgery, death/crime, mystery, black magic, sex, business, and/or reproduction

》 The public sees you as someone who’s very secretive and mysterious. This makes you very magnetic because they want to learn more about you

MC in 9H

》 You’re meant to leave a knowledgeable legacy on this earth that can help others grow and become better people

》 Your career may involve traveling, tv/media, teaching, law/justice, languages, and/or religion

》 The public sees you as someone that’s very optimistic, adventurous, comical, and honest

MC in 10H

》 You’re meant to leave a legacy that teaches others to achieve their goals no matter how hard they have to work

》 Your career may involve you being in charge/the boss, it may be a similar career to your fathers, it may involve gaining fame, and/or your career may heavily affect your legacy

》 The public sees you as someone who’s very responsible, put together, and hardworking

MC in 11H

》 You’re meant to leave a legacy through technology that teaches others how to invent new ideas through team work and manifest their dreams into reality

》 Your career may involve technology, politics, humanitarianism, inventing, film, and you can gain lots of success/wealth by making connections

》 The public sees you as someone who’s very intellectual, unique, looks out for others, and is sociable/friendly

MC in 12H

》 You’re meant to leave a legacy that heals people and helps them through their fears and helps them rough periods where they isolate themselves

》 Your career may involve healing people in some way, hypnotism, music, mental health, the elderly, hidden things, sleeping, and/or spirituality

》 The public sees you as someone who hides a lot of their life and has a hard time figuring you out

MY MASTERLIST

© 𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝

[misty-moth]

These questions are morbid, but…

In ikevamp, if a pureblood gets a part of their body chopped off, do you think they could somehow reattach it to speed up the healing process or would they have to wait to grow it back like a lizard tail? I’d imagine it would depend on the size of the missing part? I guess?

From Vlad’s explanations, he’s pretty adamant that he can survive just about anything. Even Comte is like “Jean could slice me to ribbons, but he’d be pretty pissed when I waltz back into the room a few days later”. I just… what part would they keep to grow from?? Brain? Heart? I’m guessing heart, but then do they keep the “spare parts?” Do those heal on their own, or decay like a human’s? Now I’m thinking of a pureblood repopulating by asexual reproduction 😭 Jean would not be pleased if two Comtes showed up 🤣

But then if it’s just the heart, could they be decapitated? And then would they just… sit… there? And if they’re regrowing it, when can they move again? How much brain do they need to wake up? That sounds terribly painful.

We only really see how insanely fast they heal from Vlad’s route. To remind anyone, he lost an absurd amount of blood, was stabbed an absurd amount of times, and was 100% recovered in the time it took to get a carriage back to his castle. He didn’t drink any blood on the way (lest he create new vamp children), so that was pureblood magic baybeee.

I went on a tangent, but all that to say… I wanna know how tf all of this works and it has nothing to do with romancing hot historical figures so I’m never gonna know unless—

Faust! I have questions and you’re the only shot I’ve got to get answers! Vlad, cmere.

[wariolandthepipdimension]

DAY 5 ~~ A SHIP

hello extremely tiny circle of lemoncino shippers

look at my cookie yaoi boy

i added this prompt simply as an excuse to draw my bois doin a kith

i haven't drawn peperoncino as a human in a long time and never have i posted anything related to "humanized" lemon to the public besides in gacha life 2 edits

h. lots of headcanons and extra info below the cut because i love these boys. uhh there's also a slightly nsfw hc too but i added a warning

when i was drawing this i was trying to draw lemon's jacket but it turns out the outline color is the same as his hair so i had to invert it to get it correct but i liked the color so i kept it

the reason why peperoncino is in a wheelchair is unfortunately not because of lemon (i wish it was) but because of something too graphic to talk about on this post. long story short is he got torn in half by two pieces of metal in the ocean and survived three more hours before being found by lemon. i have a more in-depth explanation on a different post in the ship tag

apparently one of my hcs for lemon is he's a sentient robot so in the drawing he has a data panel on the back so in his cookie form other cookies could check in on him but because of the whole electricity becoming too dangerous and everyone becomes scared of him thing he was. kinda neglected by the scientists

another hc related to the previous one. orange wated to take a mechanics class once she found out that lemon was a robot because she didn't wanna see him deteriorate but lemon told her he was fine on his own

i would like to talk more about lemon but this isn't about him. boowomp.mp3

so a couple of headcanons about lemon and peperoncino's relationship. uh. so lemon and peperoncino spent a lot of time together in the hospital but during the first couple days peperoncino couldn't speak any comprehensible words because he was so tired but lemon magically knew what he was trying to explain to him and since lemon treated him so nicely and understood him he started to get really comfy around him and then lemon noticed that and started to have feelings for him but repressed them because he would probably just lose him (peperoncino felt the same and he repressed his attraction too)

usually both parties don't like speaking to others or physical touch but they just now reserve it for one another

sorry for headcanon dumping about lemon on a peperoncino post but i prommy this is relevant to the ship. so about orange using lemon to "recharge." how that works is orange just hugs lemon for a prolonged amount of time (which lemon does not like because of the previously stated headcanon) which kinda transfers energy from him to the other cookie which tires lemon out.

so what lemon does is he plugs himself in (there's a special charging port in between his legs where a reproductive organ would usually be) and when he rests he only puts himself on sleep mode (not completely shutting down because the energy transfer system won't work that way) and hugs peperoncino. triple win situation because he doesn't tire himself out while charging his bf and all the while he gets to cuddle with him :D!!!!!!!

(nsfw) uhhh do you think peperoncino ever stuck his fingers into the cha- *gets sent to the backrooms* but yeah. the charging port is really sensitive and it's possible for lemon to be at the stripped club. straight up "jorking it". and by "it"? haha well. lets justr say. his chargign port

tsunku ♂️ forbid lemon finds out peperoncino gets flustered easily because y'all know he's gonna use it to his advantage (spoiler alert: he did in fact find out)

uhhhh those are all of my headcanons for now uhhhhh gets in my clown car and speeds away and drifts and

[blood-red-bumblebee]

TWST BOY + AFAB YUU/OC HEADCANONS

Okie doke o7

Sebek:

Dude's a crocodile... there are two ways we can take this! (Both hilarious)

A.) Lilia never bothered teaching them about mammalian reproduction! Thus he is terrified you're dying! Then he needs to have it explained and is still terrified!

Is very concerned that you bleed out for a week every single month for your whole life (unless something happens or after you reach a certain age), and honestly doesn't quite believe you

B.) He does know about mammalian proceses, but only in theory! He's never experienced it up close

Still very terrified and concerned!

More than willing to get anything you need and keep you as happy as possible

Impossibly relieved once the week is over and it's definitely a period (hah) he dreads every month

He soldiers on though, through the terror and trauma, because he loves you XD

Epel:

Has definitely had 'how to treat a person right when they're on their period' hammered into his head from a young age

Makes cute little apple carvings and sweet treats for you all the time (though he'd do that anyway methinks)

He struts through the tampon/pad aisle with his head held high, there's no shame in buying these! (No one gives him a sideways look hardly ever though because of his feminine appearance)

More than ready to throw hands with any ignoramuses who get uppity with you (again though, methinks he'd always do that anyway XD)

Definitely knows an herbal concoction recipe that Grandma Felmier gave him for cramps, swears up and down that it works

It does :)

Malleus:

Again, not human and very much concerned when you start

Got the same teaching as Sebek so both A and B apply here too

I think instead of fearful, he'd be curious

Doing everything he can to make you comfortable, and committing it all to memory

He definitely hovers a lot (more than usual) when he learns how miserable it can be

He uses magic when he can to help, even for small things

Anything for you

@internet-freakkkk

[fountainpenguin]

Frayed Knots

Fairly OddParents ~ (July 2017 - Ongoing)

“Ohh, just think of it, Anti-Wanda! A new High Count. A new system structure. No more stupid rules! Now, how beautiful would that be? ... Will you help me?”

Anti-Cosmo backstory longfic

Drama, Angst, & Romance

First-person POV

Dead Dove

Summary

Ever since he was 8 years old, Anti-Cosmo has dreamed of becoming a father in a time period when Anti-Fairies are forbidden from reproducing. Determined to find a loophole in the cruel law, he searches desperately for a way that Anti-Fairies might reproduce without being forcibly bound to the whims of their Fairy counterparts... ... and when he gets his hands on the information he desires at last, he's forced to make a painful choice: Pretend he never uncovered the forbidden secret that he did, or put his long-sought knowledge to use at the expense of those he loves. Yeah, I think we all know where this is going. Full steam ahead...

Not Rated; Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings

Read on FFN | Read on AO3

Chapter Recaps | Anti-Fairy Character List

Cloudlands AU - Detailed warnings & other AU info

More Fairly OddParents 'fics

This work has a largely T tone. Borderline M for themes of sexuality, reproduction, bat biology, infidelity, grooming, abuse, war, and just bad choices all around. E-rated versions of some chapters are posted as separate works- Not directly in this one.

Anti-Cosmo-centric longfic with a focus on:

- Falsifying your betrothal ceremony as a child and lying for life is fine, right? (No, he didn't pick Anti-Wanda... ohhh, dear). - Navigating sociosexual Anti-Fairy culture as a panromantic graysexual (Diagnosed magical bipolar parallel & hypersexual). A serious look at how rough life with hypersexuality can be, even if your future wife thinks it's kinda hot. - Anti-Cosmo's journey to becoming High Count, overthrowing his step-father Anti-Bryndin in the process - Questioning your faith in a culture that pushes the Fae zodiac in every aspect of life, including childhood betrothals, the single creature you're allowed to shapeshift into, and mental health treatments - A wide variety of abuse (and recovery... and repeating the cycle). Oh, and there's extreme abuse from a past life mixed in there? And no one would ever believe you? This gets better and better! - Shout-out to the D Plot of founding the genie conservation program - Demisexual brain go brrrr - The war over godkids from "Balance of Flour" (Season 7). Canon Tiddlywinks face-off, anyone? - Turning your mind and body over to the Water spirit, who got kicked out of cosmic game night for being a massive brat who kept pushing his mediums to their limit until they broke... Wait, what? - Forming a tight relationship with the Head Pixie: a close friend of Anti-Bryndin's reluctant to accept a new leader (and he's the man Anti-Cosmo apparently raised a child with, if Jorgen's slideshow in "Fairly Odd Baby" is to be believed... Let's talk about it!) - And the glacial-level slow burn that is Anti-Cosmo/Anti-Wanda

Read on FFN | Read on AO3 | Blog Tag

"All I've ever wanted, see, was to tell you honestly... I'd do anything for you! ... I'd do absolutely anything for you." (x)

[zelenbug]

more ridiculous biology rayman headcanons. this time for several species. this is from july 29 i forgot to finish this again

-

teensies are mammals basically (again you cant apply cladistics here because everyone was literally created by god but still). generally theyre like the closest thing anatomically to a human (that isnt. a human)

and yeah they can have breasts

i couldnt tell you why they dont all have nipples though (ie nookins dont but teensy hermit does)

the most notable thing is the giant schnozzle. which is all soft tissue and squeezable, their skulls must be very short and weird looking like go ahead and imagine that. you know how cyclopes were possibly imagined because ancient people saw mammoth skulls and thought the giant nose hole was an eye socket. yeah.

anyway i think the reason for the teensies giant schnozzle is that thats where the organ is that helps greatly with... synthesizing magic? something like that? its important for them to be able to use magic effectively, and is the reason teensies have a much easier time with magic than most other glade species. youd still have to learn magic to be any good at it though

the reason ales mansay is so bad at it is partly because his magic organ thing is broken and doesnt work really well, but mostly because he dropped out really early from magic school (because he hated everyone in it and everyone bullied him in turn) so he just doesnt know anything

elaborations on aleses magic abilities with bonus non-biology headcanons

itd be possible for a teensy to get around the Magic Synthesizing Organ Is Broken issue, and still be able to be good at magic if they make an effort to learn it. itd just be more difficult for them than for other teensies. and i suppose itd be more similar to other species learning magic despite them not having the magic organs (ie red wizards for globoxs species)

the magic organ isnt part of the nervous system, so any potential brain issues would be separate from any potential magic organ issues

teensies dont hatch from eggs but i still stand by reproduction being magic and features not being real. so i dont know how itd work with them. as far as im aware theyre delivered by a stork idk (the stork thing is not a real hc but itd be really funny)

also i forgot to bring this up but the majority of teensies are just bald, possibly more commonly than even globoxes? if teensies do have hair its likely to be really short. if they have long hair they either have a wig or are romeo patti

although if teensies are such good magic users (and such spells exist as, according to a cut origins line, "ten foot toenails" (which ales got affected by) which is weird because i dont think teensies even have those to begin with),.... they can definitely just magic themselves some hair. maybe thats what romeo did to himself

oh yeah. curiously for mammals (same here applies to raypeople also). no external ears whatsoever, i guess then they have either earholes (that are just never shown, much like any nostrils on any teensy etc even though they DO apparently have nostrils) or like. external eardrums like frogs

-

raypeople are also basically mammals, but the classification is even weirder for them since basically all of them are created even more magically than usual. they do also got nipples though

have i delved into how limblessness works in the glade? its really common but raymans species are unique just for HOW limbless they are. anyway its obviously heavily just magic. all the interconnected system things (ie the digestive systems, blood vessels and such) connect between floating body parts with basically just portals. so if they eat something the food just baiscally teleports from the head down to the body

generally how itd feel like to have limblessness is like. still feels like youre moving your hands/whatever with (nonexistent) muscles using your own brain? but you have a greater range of motion, like how i brought up how globox would be able to use his feet as a propeller to swim

it works weird with ray people. or just rayman idk. instead of still having limited range on how far the floating body parts can go, he can throw his fists a lot further, but his hands can also just come off like at the start of rayman 3. and magically reattach back to him so he can actually use them

im also thinking about how in the ending its shown how his hands just wandered off while rayman was asleep and scared andre into existing. i think its moreso like sleepwalking? its interesting though that his hands could just move THIS far from him for this long, while ALSO when hes asleep. can he move his hands this far when awake and concious of what hes doing??

also he can just fall apart which. yknow also is canon but its interesting thinking about this with regards to these biology headcanons

greater range of motion still stands. he can absolutely turn his head 180 degrees backwards (which also briefly happens in rayman 3 in the vortex cutscene because he got spun too hard). i think he just wouldnt tend to do it often because it freaks people with necks out

anyway THESE guys giant schnozzles grants them a better sense of smell. idk what else itd do

as ive mentioned reproduction is even more magic than every other species, they get created by either very very powerful magic people (ie fairies, ie betilla; also accidentally happened independently with the bird one and tarayzan, upon which he immediately ran off), or actual raypeople somehow having a kid (ie with the musicians strangely small-nosed baby). its also possible they have to ask a fairy nicely to grant them a kid idk (however. i dont think this would fit for raymesis the giant cringefail loser that he is.) in any case they absolutely do just magically pop into existence which is somehow different from whatever teensies do to pop into existence

i dont know if raypeople can inherently have helicopter hair or how does it even work when their hair is any other different shape that cant turn into a chopper. can the magician helico? can the musician or his family helico?

raypeople have no inherent magic capabilities like teensies do, theyd also have to learn it, like the magician whos like about the only known rayperson to utilize magic to that extent

ray people are also a decently rare sight. most everyone only just knows rayman. though i suppose theyd have to be frequent enough for everyone to view raymesis as "who even is this dweeb" as opposed to treating him any more special for being this rare species

-

so theres like. a general type of insects that dont tend to look much like insects on the surface. like they have 4 limbs, appear to have proper external skin and eyelids and other stuff that a vertebrate would have. however theyre still all bugs and do NOT have bones

im talking this about so vaguely because im referring to several species. as in greenbottles (murfy), mosquitoes, and also uglies, and there could be more that fits this criteria

its clear why greenbottles and uglies would be like. the same strangely vertebrate-looking type of insects

mosquitoes look more obviously buglike but they still have eyelids and such. i think theyd also be closely related (((as far as that goes with everyone literally being created by god))) to the other two

arguably these flies also count as closely related despite having 6 limbs. this thing is wrinkly as hell. anyway this is just silly all of these examples are literally just dipterans

having rather vertebrate-like external anatomy might just be inherent to the arthropods in the glade because i can think of many more examples. though its not entirely applicable to all of them, this is mostly just a regular crab

anyway yeah. this part was rambly and poorly written but either way The Bugs Are Weird. i think they have internal supports thatd still be more similar to a normal bug exoskeleton, theres still no bones

anyway green bottle flies in real life are blowflies and deposit their babys in rotten meat! this is why i think murfys preferred meals are meat too rotten for everyone else to bother with, with obnoxious amounts of honey or nectar or something other too sweet for everyone else to bother with. of course everyone else thinks his food taste is insane meanwhile he berates globox for just trying to make a salad with fruit and fish in it

i think murfy was also a little baby worm at one point its because hes a fly. the difference from real flies i think is greenbottles would pupate at the equivalent at around 13 years old (which, according to my other headcanon, would be close to 40 decades in glade years). then they get out of the pupa non-wormly and with wings, but unlike real life insects still keep growing after that until they can actually be considered an adult (in real life insects are 100% adults and wont grow any further if they have wings)

also murfys (and other greenbottles obv) wings are detached and floating, very convenient for clothes

-

lums barely even have biology to speak of. theyre entirely made out of magic (and therefore mostly glow, unsurprisingly enough for the thing that is called a lum)

even despite being glowing orbs with wings (or sometimes no wings) they still have a physical form that you can hold onto (even before origins i mean). their external traits are rather inconsistent but they can often have faces, limbs, and they can all make noises

heres a pic of globox just holding it like normal, and interestingly you can tell hes holding it by the more solid glowing part of the lum

anyway in particular a notable example of those lum traits is andre. hes like a little bug, he doesnt glow at all, he loves plum juice, but hes still a lum and entirely made out of magic. theres no internal anatomy to speak of so the plum juice he drinks doesnt even go anywhere

i dont know if you can dissect a lum i think it just wouldnt work

also yeah red lums do just come with an inherent built in flaw of turning evil sometimes because they got too scared. it just never got too out of hand until one of them happened to have arms and any intellect at all (with regards to how to make other black lums) and then he caused there to be magnitudes more black lums than there were around previously, well enouogh to be a threat to everyone

lums are everywhere, ever present, seemingly predate even the glade itself (that was the case in r2 anyways), at least some other creatures might be made OUT of lums (rayman is seemingly either made of those or electoons??)

i dont really know why sometimes they have limbs and sometimes they dont. even when its just yellow lums. it might be possible that theres distinct types of yellow lums, and theres 1000 specifically that are important for the heart of the world, and like countless lums that people just catch for sport and those have arms and legs. idk

OH YEAH. the fact that lums are magic is like, i think, The thing that makes hoodlums function. its mostly fairly regular fabric, but the fabric itself makes them just inherently assume certain roles with certain behaviors and voices and stuff. somehow. the black lums make it work and thats how they can walk around and shoot people despite most of them not having arms (andre does but it didnt even matter because his hoodmonger form functioned the exact same as any normal hoodmonger)

semi related (not biology related) neat fact! the currency in rayman kart, which is just coins, is also referred to as lums (even internally). they just have rayman faces on them but the fact that theyre called lums is still notable. you can build interesting lore off of this

also semi related, electoons and darktoons i think are also just composed out of magic. but they have more solid non glowing forms. i dont really know what electoons do though, origins suggests theyre responsible for The Fabric Of Reality which is A Lot (but i guess it does fit with what theyre named after. electrons tend to be in atoms [citation needed])

-

knaaren. i dont even know what to class them as (beyond being vertebrates)? are they reptilian? mammalian? what? huh? do they hatch from eggs? either way one thing i can say is that theyre a single sex species. theres some cut lines in rayman 3 where they literally say female knaaren dont exist

those were. definitely cut for good reason because this seems to me like a weird misogynistic joke. and its literally not true knaaren can and do run sometimes.

anyway im going to pretend some knaaren just decide theyre women anyway. but yeah at the very least the vast majority of the population consists of men

they can still have kids, idk how either, they ask the leptys nicely for it or something? either way as a result the vast majority of knaaren have either just a dad, or dads (they mostly just mention their dad). i dont know if heterosexual knaaren even exist (outside of women, but that still suggests cishet knaaren are not real)

LATE EDIT: lady knaaren that will only kiss other ladys are also real of course just uncommon

also knaaren might be carnivores? i dont know what exactly they eat though outside of brains. i dont imagine they get many visitors do the desert (so they could eat them since theyre just okay with doing that to fellow sapients). since their god is a giant mean bird i imagine theyd revere birds and not eat them. some of them have pet rats so they probably wouldnt eat the rats either? tbh i could see it bc theres SO many rats in just one map in their level

also yeah the knaaren were made by the leptys (the aforementioned giant mean bird) not polokus. i think leptys just showed up in the galde and went "Ok polokus im putting a bunch of violent brain eating dudes onto your planet have fun" and polokus was like "uhh ok sure"

also knaaren spend enough of their time just bullying teensies to depict it in murals all over their caverns for some strange reason. like its important to them that they chase teensies and carry them around on ropes. although tbh the teensies dont even look scared about it so im not sure whas going on here

like girl you are voluntarily holding onto these ropes at this point

-

speaking of the gods. i dont know if they have any standard anatomy to speak of either. and theyre not bound to one external appearance either (though they do have like a "true" form), but polokus is about the only one that shapeshifts for fun (or because he was going through a tragic breakup idk), and i guess jano randomly turning really really big is also related to this

so what i mean is. idk if theyd have internal anatomy either, much like lums. this polokus line from origins kind of reads like its the case though?

so obviously its difiicult to deduce The Biological Features And Anatomy Of Gods because they can look and be shaped like basically anything

in practice though, whatever forms they take theyre still like, Physical and they can definitely just disguise themselves as normal people. i think this is what voodoo mama (NOT THE NYMPH)/mama hite did so most of the red wizards around the docks where she hangs out just assume that shes just. another globox person. and not like A God. physically she appears exactly the same as those she just has way way more magic powers (because shes a god) and also divorced polokus (because theyre both gods)

this is past biology at this point but gods can also end up creating other more minor gods. but about the only instance of this is with polokus accidentally creating jano, all the other ones in the glade just kind of formed on their own much like polokus himself has

and of course they have way more magic capabilities than literally anyone else. i think jano literally is responsible for the entire pocket dimension of land of the livid dead (origins) existing, and thus also like all the nightmares in it

-

ever think about these guys?? i dont know their biological classification either but i can tell that they have hair (not that that really means anything)

i tjink these are mostly found around aeropolis (instead of the common population mix of teensies and globox people with occacional others) and theyre even more closer to just the most average guy you can get. no specific magic capabilities, no nothing

sometimes theyre also just bald for no reason but hair seems more common than on teensies or globox people. seriously though that woman is bald

anyway its very obvious why razoff could be connected to these. but the weird thing is that, instead of a stripey nose, he just has a bunch of spots all over him (including the nose), and he has 3 fingered hands instead of 4 fingered hands. also a way longer neck that mans a giraffe

(showing him with his hat off makes the resemblance between him and the aeropolis people more obvious though)

so the question is is razoff just weird or is he part of a closely related species to the aeropolis people? is he part of a subspecies? why less fingers?

whatever is going on with him hes definitely a lot more reptilian looking. although its seems he doesnt have scales anyway, he just has fairly smooth and shiny skin. but i guess you can then assume aeropolis people are kind of reptiles??? but they can also jsut be nothing because cladistics are not real in the glade

-

the way the rat looked with present mouse_eye textures (instead of having that part of the mesh be entirely white (because the mouse_eye texture is gone) so it looks like some kind of frill) in the earlest rayman 3 demo we have. this thing literally has faceted eyes you cant convince me otherwise

-

this thing is a glute and it is a bird that can eat and derive nutrients from anything (or at least digest anything)

it has antennae for communication, jumps around, and i think teensies have bred it into numerous fancy varieties. and theres of course feral glutes that just act like pigeons except theyre flightless and they eat your lunch AND the pretty rock you just found on the beach AND probably try to eat you too and this is why globox hates them.

and they dont even make for good meat! so you cant eat them back!

i should share that drawing i did recently of various glute morphs and breeds i think thats pretty fun

[wishcamper]

Don't Worry Feyre, Darling: the relationship anxiety to coersive control pipeline

CW: emotional abuse, reproductive abuse

Creds: licensed counselor with focus in addiction, trauma, and gay stuff; experience in group and family counseling, mandated DV clients, and abuse victim support.

Before the mob comes: I am not pro or anti Rhys, and I think his contradictions say much more about SJM than anything. I also believe it’s possible for a fandom to reclaim/rewrite a character who has been massacred by an author.

We’re going to begin at Rhys helping Feyre during an extremely dark place in both their lives. We’re going to end at him withholding vital medical information from her for the sake of “protecting her”. But first, some context.

Inside all of the (amazing) drama around the 2022 movie Don’t Worry, Darling , was a story that is pretty well worn at this point: men deciding they know what’s best for women and giving it to them whether they like it or not. In the movie, Florence Pugh’s Alice lives inside a computer simulation where she is the modern equivalent of a 50s housewife: dresses, calisthenics, martinis, “making a roast”. (She also gets eaten out by Harry Styles but that doesn’t seem to be an explicit part of the world’s design.) The problem? She doesn’t know she’s in the simulation. Harry Styles, in between all the cunnilingus, drugged her and put her in the program against her will. Yikes! Why!

The movie explains that he believed their life in the real world was miserable, and that he was saving her from that by giving her this perfect life. She should be grateful, if anything! What he doesn’t tell her, but that we see, is that Harry Styles also seems to struggle with a sense of inadequacy for not being able to provide. He is failing to live up to personal and cultural standards of manhood but, instead of dismantling those standards, he makes it his wife’s problem by kidnapping and brainwashing her consciousness. Hm. Interesting strategy. Let’s see how it works out for him.

With Rhysand, his motives in the beginning are more understandable - he initiates rescuing Feyre from the very real danger of Tamlin and her own mental decline. He feels justified breaking whatever magic law because of his own experiences being trapped and believing people should have a choice about where they go and who they are. He emphasizes over and over that these choices are Feyre’s and that she has freedom with him. We see through ACOMAF that helping her gives him a sense of purpose after the trauma UTM. His friends remark on how Feyre brought him back to life, never questioning and even encouraging this pattern.

But Rhys clearly has a lot of anxiety about his relationships and closeness in general. He mentions on several occasions that people around him tend to suffer because of him, and how afraid he is of doing that to Feyre. She is very receptive to this and puts effort into proving him wrong. He finds safety in the bubble of their relationship that probably feels pretty fucking good. The unfortunate side effect of this is that instead of processing and resolving his own anxiety, he directs it through Feyre and his love for her. Meanwhile, he keeps his anxious maneuvers behind the scenes, like not telling her about the bond, taking her to the Weaver, encouraging her to learn to read, to train. It may be genuinely helping her, but there’s also this sense of ‘I know what you need better than you do’. And again, nobody questions this.

We flirt with this tension at the beginning of ACOMAF when Rhys enforces their bargain from UTM. As the reader, at that point, we are supposed to believe this is cruel of him. He interrupts her wedding for fucks sake, throw your shoe at him girl! But over time we start to feel like it’s okay because Feyre secretly wanted it, it’s ultimately for her own good. Rhys is the most powerful High Lord in history, I’m sure he could’ve figured out a way to break the bargain, but he didn’t. In fact he engineered a situation where she'd be at his mercy. Why? Because Rhys was worried about Feyre, felt her deteriorating through the bond. Because of that, he felt justified in coming to collect. Personally, I have no opinion about whether crashing the wedding was the right or wrong thing to do. But it does set up, at least in the world of the book, that removing someone’s autonomy is okay if it’s for their own good, if the ends justify the means. In fact, that overstep ends up being the road to Feyre’s life in the NC and her love with Rhysand, a love that is so great she willingly tethers her very life to it. Even in ACOWAR we see how their relationship is a way he regulates his anxiety *cough*battlefield blowjob*cough*. He gets used to Feyre’s health and happiness being his source comfort and can continue to avoid dealing with his own shit internally.

In his seminal work Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft, a specialist in treatment of abuse perpetrators, debunks the various myths about what causes abuse and why it happens. His thesis is disarmingly simple: people abuse because they believe it’s justified. He says one of the signs of abuse escalation is “a growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does”. Bancroft also notes that abuse is so hard to spot because “most abusive men don’t seem like abusers” (emphasis his) and that abusive men have periods of being charming, funny, even kind. Abusive men often don’t see themselves as such, because the strategy works for them - they feel good when they displace their emotional problems onto someone else.(1)

And then Feyre gets pregnant with a baby that could kill her. Besides the fact they really should have talked about this before trying for a baby given Rhys is mixed race (Cassian and Nesta too, but that’s a whole other post), Rhys claims a sense of ownership over his wife and child almost immediately. He’s constantly being described as smug and glowing with male pride. Even when he’s not smarmy, he’s consumed with his own ideas about protecting them and can’t hear the protests of others. We see his anxiety morph into more overt control in attempt to handle the situation. He believes he’s justified in keeping the danger from Feyre because he doesn’t want to stress her out. But that is not about Feyre, that’s about Rhys. HE is scared, HE is lost, and so he makes a decision on her behalf to lessen the burden he’s already carrying, whether he’s aware of it or not. He must keep her in a happy bubble else how is he supposed to go on.

Don’t Worry, Darling is at least critical of this ‘I know better’ motive even if the movie is stupid, and Harry Styles gets some frontier justice in the form of a whiskey glass to the back of the dome. But ACOSF condones Rhys’ actions and even insinuates our main character is deserving of death for calling him out. Bancroft writes that “part of how the abuser escapes confronting himself is by convincing you that you are the cause of his behavior”. He wouldn’t HAVE to do this if you just TRUSTED HIM.

But here’s what I think. I think Rhys has walked down a path of using his relationship to balance his internal conflict. Anxiety is a force in every relationship, but with Feyre he must maintain her beautiful life where she never worries in order to feel safe himself. I can have empathy for this, kind of - he’s suffered significant losses and it’s understandable he feels protective of those he loves. I think about celebrities with non-famous spouses, and how they avoid talking about them because they don’t want the scrutiny. I believe Rhys thinks he’s genuinely doing right by Feyre. But Rhys is so averse to his own anxiety that he can’t let himself trust anyone else to resolve it. He can’t let go of Feyre as his safe space and almost condemns her to die because of it.

And this is how, ultimately, Rhys traps himself. He tries to create a bubble where Feyre can never leave him, and ends up signing both their death warrants. I hope the world of fan fiction can redeem him, because I really don’t think Sarah can.

And yes, I know it’s faerie porn and it’s not that deep. But this is a series marketed toward an audience at risk of abuse and intimate partner violence. Bancroft lays out key points at the end of the book that feel particularly relevant to the larger conversation:

“Once we tear the cover of excuses, distortions, and manipulations off abusers, they suddenly find abuse much harder to get away with.

If Mothers Against Drunk Driving can change culture’s indifference to alcohol-related automotive deaths, we can change culture’s attitude toward partner abuse.

Everyone has a role to play in ending abuse.

If you are trying to assist an abused woman, get help and support yourself as well

All forms of chronic mistreatment in the world are interwoven. When we take one apart, all the rest start to unravel as well.”

Why Does He Do That? , Lundy Bancroft. https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

[hollowed-theory-hall]

is there a male and a female dementirs or they're hermaphrodites or how they're actually produces? HOW THEY'RE WORKING? how they're understands wizards? where did they go after ii war?

+is there solitary confinement in Azkaban? are there family ones and then Bella and her husband together? are there separate for the animagi if their condition is known? for werewolves? so many questions

Well, I collected what I could regarding dementor breeding in canon, which, well, it isn't much:

“I thought dementors guard the prisoners in Azkaban,” he said cautiously. “They did,” said Fudge wearily. “But not anymore. They’ve deserted the prison and joined He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I won’t pretend that wasn’t a blow.” “But,” said the Prime Minister, with a sense of dawning horror, “didn’t you tell me they’re the creatures that drain hope and happiness out of people?” “That’s right. And they’re breeding. That’s what’s causing all this mist.”

(HBP, 14)

And in an interview on October 2000, JKR stated this:

One young Canadian boy earlier asked her how Dementers breed. "I was just so pleased that he thought about it and pleased that I had the answer," Rowling told The Canadian Press. "These evil creatures don't, by the way, breed but grow like a fungus where there is decay."

(From here)

Usually, I don't put much stoke in what JKR states outside the books, but specifically in this case, I do agree with her. Her statement regarding how dementors "breed" makes a lot of sense with what is known about them.

Dementors, like Poltergeists and Boggarts, are categorized by the Ministry of Magic as Non-Beings, meaning beings who aren't quite alive and therefore can't truly die. We see it in how Dementors can't be killed but only driven back. They can't be killed because they aren't alive in the first place.

The Pottermore article reiterates it:

Many in authority thought Azkaban an evil place that was best destroyed. Others were afraid of what might happen to the Dementors infesting the building if they deprived them of their home. The creatures were already strong and impossible to kill; many feared a horrible revenge if they took away a habitat where they appeared to thrive. The very walls of the building seemed steeped in misery and pain, and the Dementors were determined to cling to it. Experts who had studied buildings built with and around Dark magic contended that Azkaban might wreak its own revenge upon anybody attempting to destroy it. The fortress was therefore left abandoned for many years, a home to continually breeding Dementors.

(From Pottermore)

They breed where there is misery and they aren't quite alive, therefore whatever their reproduction is like, it isn't the normal way.

So, let's look at what we're told of Ekrizdis, the dark wizard who built Azkaban which encouraged their breeding:

The fortress upon it was originally home to a little-known sorcerer who called himself Ekrizdis. Evidently extremely powerful, but of unknown nationality, Ekrizdis, who is believed to have been insane, was a practitioner of the worst kinds of Dark Arts. Alone in the middle of the ocean, he lured, tortured and killed Muggle sailors, apparently for pleasure, and only when he died, and the concealment charms he had cast faded away, did the Ministry of Magic realise that either island or building existed. Those who entered to investigate refused afterwards to talk of what they had found inside, but the least frightening part of it was that the place was infested with Dementors.

(From Pottermore)

To me, this seems to imply Dementors are attracted to places of pain and misery, something we know from Remus Lupin, as well:

They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. [...] If it can, the dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself . . . soul-less and evil. You’ll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.

(PoA, 187)

Now, Lupin's second statement is a bit misleading, since it simply a dementor's kiss might make you a dementor, but we know that's not how this works, he is speaking in hyperbole here. A dementor's kiss sucks out your soul and leaves a husk behind, but doesn't create a dementor.

The first part is what's more interesting in regard to dementors breeding. They infest places that are hopeless and filled with pain and agony.

Summarising all this together, I think dementors don't breed, per se, they are drawn to places of hopelessness and despair, and these places, in themselves, breed dementors. Dementors are actual dark creatures who function of dark magic — hence, emotion. This means that strong emotions of hopelessness, fear, and pain literally create dementors. They're like the evil version of fairies in them being created out of human emotion.

Once a lot of them are present in one location, they themselves, cause despair and hopelessness in humans around them and like that create more dementors. This is how they breed, they are born from despair, then their presence causes more despair and more dementors are born. Rinse and repeat.

About dementors in general, from what Sirius said it seems they don't really see. They sense human emotions and work according to that:

So, one night when they opened my door to bring food, I slipped past them as a dog. . . . It’s so much harder for them to sense animal emotions that they were confused. . . .

(PoA, 372)

As for how they communicate with wizards, the answer seems to be that they can talk:

“I must go down to the dementors,” said Dumbledore. “I said I would inform them when our search was complete.”

(PoA, 166)

They can be informed of things, they can make deals, they can sorta be reasoned with, at least, they understand English it seems, even if sometimes they like to act like they don't. Considering Fudge and Dumbledore mention talking to the dementors, they likely have a way to talk back and describe their wants. Dementors are sentient and capable of more complex thoughts like revenge, and patience if it means more food later. They understand these things. Though I imagine their voice sounds awful, like nails on a chalkboard inside your skull. Like, I headcanon they more project their voice to your mind rather than properly speak.

Harry mentioned Dementors make sounds:

There was a soft, crackling noise, and a shivering light filled the compartment. Professor Lupin appeared to be holding a handful of flames. They illuminated his tired, gray face, but his eyes looked alert and wary.

(PoA, 83)

My headcanon is that this crackling is how they speak aloud to each other, but they do the projecting their words thing I mentioned earlier when they want to talk to wizards.

For the second half of the ask, I'm pretty sure the only option in Azkaban is mostly solitary confinement. The cells seem to be only for a single prisoner at a time, they don't have "yard time" or anything like that, so they never leave their cells. Even their food is brought to their cells by Dementors. The only people they seem to have contact with are the other prisoners they can see/hear from their own cell or when the sparse few visitors come by.

Here are a few statements regarding the conditions of Azkaban:

The fortress is set on a tiny island, way out to sea, but they don’t need walls and water to keep the prisoners in, not when they’re all trapped inside their own heads, incapable of a single cheerful thought. Most of them go mad within weeks.

(PoA, 188)

I saw the dementors bringing him in, watched them through the bars in my cell door. He can’t have been more than nineteen. They took him into a cell near mine. He was screaming for his mother by nightfall. He went quiet after a few days, though . . . they all went quiet in the end . . . except when they shrieked in their sleep. . . .

(GoF, 528)

But the real solitary confinement is caused by the dementors. Prisoners live inside their own heads, going mad. As illustrated above. It's why Fudge was so surprised by how sane Sirius was:

but I was shocked at how normal Black seemed. He spoke quite rationally to me. It was unnerving. You’d have thought he was merely bored — asked if I’d finished with my newspaper, cool as you please, said he missed doing the crossword. Yes, I was astounded at how little effect the dementors seemed to be having on him

(PoA, 209)

[dreamsinger-rose]

Of Magic and Mating

Looking back over all the movies and specials, it seems to me that trolls are very magical creatures, whether they realize it or not. They are so magical that other species can actually make use of that magic. Velvet and Veneer could draw upon the trolls’ musical talent and the confidence to use it. The bergens did much the same thing, except their way of absorbing whatever makes a troll so magically “happy” was much cruder, by just eating them whole.

Maybe because of their generous natures, I feel that the trolls are open to being used by others. I got the distinct feeling that Floyd had befriended a shy Veneer and somehow given him a bit of his musical ability/confidence. Then Velvet found a way to exploit Floyd’s good will, which is why he was so bitter and sarcastic later on, having been betrayed by this “friends.” Thankfully, Veneer proved to be Floyd’s friend in the end, and turned against his sister.

My point is that rolls are steeped in magic. Their hair tends to be the main repository of it. They can move, stretch, and shape their hair. They can use it as an extra hand or foot, for travel, and object manipulation. They can change its color and texture to make it look like other things, like bushes for camouflage. They can use it to store items and carry babies. From what we’ve seen, they also create babies within their hair.

Now we learn that trolls can procreate with other species. Most likely due to their magical hair somehow making them compatible. It is worth noting that Bruce’s children are not trolls, though. He only seemed able to help her reproduce. Unless Brandy’s species can also self-clone, like Guy Diamond did with Tiny.

But if she does need a mate to produce babies, maybe his hair gave her the ability to self-clone like a troll. Maybe even produce eggs – which would explain why they had so many kids. I’d imagine Brandy would be delighted not to have to go through traditional pregnancies, lol. Or maybe Bruce’s hair actually produced their egg-babies.

That leads to the question of whether or not trolls have other reproductive organs, like humans (and possibly bergens) do. They probably don’t need them, but I like to think at least some have them, just for fun and frolicsome times 😉 Oh, so many questions…

On cloning… Poppy mentions DNA at one point, so genetics must have some effect in the trolls’ world. Branch and Poppy’s siblings look similar but not identical to them; brothers and sisters, not clones. Did each set of siblings truly come from a single parent? Then what about how some trolls seem to have two parents, like Cooper and Prince D’s parents? Their sons are twins who share identical coloring, but neither matches their parents. That suggests two-parent mating, not cloning.

Maybe it’s optional. Some animal species in our world can either self-clone or mate with others, if there are mates available. Maybe trolls are the same way.

Or, magic is involved. The fact that Bruce and Brandy reproduce together baffles even them. I say it’s got to be yet another magical-hair-related ability, fueled by more magic than they know they possess.

Of course, the trolls’ world itself could be considered magical. It has physics that wouldn’t work in our world, like seeing sparkles and musical notes in the air. Talking, self-aware clouds. Water made from glitter. Creatures like glowbugs that shouldn’t even be able to fly, let alone carry trolls. Animals with books growing out of their faces. Seriously?! Enlightened gurus like Cybil (and, I suspect, Tiny Diamond) can float. Which proves that Creek wasn’t a true guru – he used bugs to carry him and make it seem as if he were floating.

So we might as well call alternate-world physics “magic,” yes? 😉

I hope you all had a great holiday 😊

[crimeronan]

Merging the divorced Alador and Grimwalker Alador ideas for a moment.

Alador loses his fingers at some point in a lab accident, and Odalia, being an oracle foresees (I get this is kinda contrived but she's an oracle that's their whole thing and we never get it fully established how oracle magic works) "oh, this is a surprise tool that might be helpful later" maybe not knowing exactly why this is.

Fast forward a few years and one Empress legalising divorce later, messy property distribution happens (to much rejoicing by the lawyers of the isles, who proceed to make bank from both of them) and she loses the money maker.

One messy vent to Kikimora later "I just wish one of the children could have been exactly like him and perfectly compliant." (Amity being off in the EC and the twins getting out ASAP, neither spending any time with her)

One heavy investment in bribes for the trouble (Kiki wouldn't just tell her for free now would she), a little bit of dark magic in the basement involving some endangered animal parts, and next thing you know she's telling the isles she was pregnant the whole time.

Amity gets a letter telling her about "her new little brother" but she can't quite put her finger on why Luz seems to be acting so weird about it, or why Alador jr's (name pending) eyes look like Hunter's.

this is so viscerally horrifying i'm obsessed. somehow raising a clone of your ex-husband as your kid feels even Grosser than raising a clone of the brother you murdered. leave it to odalia to find a way to be Belos But Worse.....

amity does her usual thing of extrapolating the correct facts about a situation (this baby and hunter have the same eyes for A Reason, and luz knows what that reason is) & then, as usual, forms a reasonable but Patently Incorrect conclusion (hunter has some estranged blood relative somewhere with whom odalia 100% had an affair and/or did fucked-up unethical reproduction magic).

amity isn't sure what to do with this information. she asks hunter exactly one time if he thinks it's weird that her "little brother" has eyes just like his, in a Leading Question sort of way, and hunter is just like ".....no....? tons of unrelated witches share an eye color....? what is your deal."