#i have so much classwork i need to do but all my brain can do is go 'hehehehehe vash :)' and i cant do Shit abt it

[social-anxiety-and-poetry]

hey todd !! how do you see your relationships with all of the other poets?

Hello there!! Hmm it's only been a few weeks, so I don't want to assume anything, but genuinely, since meeting the dead poets, I've never been happier (please don't tell them because I'll be teased for days-).

They can be quite an- overwhelming bunch, but I genuinely do care about them so much.

Charlie is incredibly outgoing, and loud at times, but that's just Charlie and honestly he's a joy to be around. He's never once made me feel uncomfortable and always respects when I need my personal space- he also brings the best snacks, especially on days when I'm feeling more anxious, which I'm so grateful for.

Meeks has been tutoring me Latin and Algebra lately, which is the only thing saving my grades at the moment- oh joy to the miracle that is Meeks' brain! Plus the random facts he rambles about throughout the day are really interesting (I am now an expert on the history of linguistics in Europe). He's a really good listener, and I can always talk to him about any philosophers or literature I find interesting!

Pitts is always hanging around Meeks, but he's a chill guy, and I love sitting to read with him in the library when the classwork isn't too much. He's always tinkering with something- I don't even know how he makes half the stuff he does.

Knox when he's not blabbering nonsense about the colour of Chris' eyes or something is incredibly kind, although quite cocky (someone needs to keep that ego in check before he does something silly).

Cameron, I'm not really that close to. We are more acquaintances than friends, he can be quite snappy at times, and isn't too pleased by the dps shenanigans, but I don't really have anything against him.

And... Neil. He's been wonderfully thoughtful and kind. Ever since he's welcomed me as his roommate, we've only gotten closer- since we've started the dead poets meetings, he's never forced me to speak and has so much patience in everything. Often, he helps me out with public speaking and things like that, and I know this sounds quite stupid, but it's as if he can read my mind?? Like whenever I feel overwhelmed, he'll hold my hand to ground me, and he knows when I'm not being entirely truthful with a quirk of his eyebrow, and remembers silly stuff I mentioned a week ago. His eyes- he always makes the most intense eye contact, and usually I hate being in scrutinised in such a way, but with him?? Anyway I'm rambling right now- but in all fairness I really don't deserve him. I do hope he gets into the play, he really deserves all the goodness in this world and more.

[southern--downpour]

pros of new hyperfixation: dopamine :) 

cons of new hyperfixation: i cannot focus on school work all i want to do is read trigun nothing else is interesting rn

[alastor-simp]

Leona Kingscholar🦁 comforting a crying reader

“Yawnnnnnnn.” Leona let out a big yawn, as he was walking slowly, heading over to the botanical gardens to take a much needed nap and avoid class since there was no need for him to attend class despite he already knew what was being taught. He knew he would have to deal with an annoyed Ruggie later in the afternoon, but he didn’t care. Entering into the botanical gardens, Leona scanned around to make sure no teacher was there, especially Crewel, since he knew he would force him to attend class. When he saw no one around, he headed over to the large tree that was surrounded by bushes and tropical flowers. Leona stopped a bit, and sniffed the air, as he smelled a certain magicless scent that belong to the ramshackle herbivore. Once he arrived, he saw the Prefect sitting on the ground, back pressed against the tree, with their head on their legs, preventing anyone from seeing their face. “Oi Herbivore, you are in my space.”, Leona said to you with an annoyed look, as he wasn’t happy that you had taken his napping spot. You poked your head out slightly from your position, looking at Leona with an emotionless face, eyes red from crying and tears sliding down your cheeks. Leona eyes widen a bit as he didn’t realize you were crying. “Go away, Leona.” You moved your head back to your original position. “Sigh”, Leona let out a big sigh, and he came closer to where you were sitting, and sat down across from you on the other side of the tree, laying his back against it. You told Leona to go away again, but he said nothing . Sighing, you let out a “whatever” as you realized that Leona was adamant on staying where he was. Silence was all you could hear as you suspected that Leona must have fallen asleep already, but then you felt a hand grab your arm and pulled you. Letting out a gasp, you realized Leona had moved you closer, and positioned you in between his legs. Realizing what was happening, you placed both your hands on his chest, trying to push yourself away, but Leona grabbed your wrists, stopping you. “LET GO!!!” You screamed at Leona, as you struggled against his grip. “….” Leona was silent as he continued to hold your wrists, waiting for you to calm down.

After a few minutes, you finally calmed down and stopped resisting. Leona had removed his hands from your wrists, but he moved one hand to your cheek. “Herbivore, look at me.” You didn’t look up at Leona, and cast your eyes down, not wanting him to look at you. “Y/N.” You twitched slightly, not expecting him to call your name, but you realized that Leona was being serious and wanted you to look at him. Moving your head slowly, you looked up at him. Leona’s face was neutral, but his eyes were kind as he continued to stare at you. “Why are you crying?” Leona asked as he moved his thumb against your cheek, wiping away the tears that were still falling from your eyes. Hesitating, you glanced away from Leona, not wanting to tell him why as you figured he would laugh at you. “Idk…. just been stressed with everything. Crowley being a lazy jerk, not doing well in class, and getting yelled at because of Grim causing trouble. Usually I’m use to it, but I think I just got to the point where I couldn’t handle it anymore. I’m sorry.” You heard Leona click his tongue, and expected him to get mad at you for crying over something so stupid, but you felt his arms wrap around your back and pulled you closer towards him, placing your head against his chest. “Baka. Don’t apologize for something like that.” Leona held you tighter, squishing you closer to his chest, to the point you could hear his heartbeat. “It’s normal for life to suck sometimes. Trust me I know, but it’s not impossible to get through it. If you need help with classwork, I can help with that and I can talk to that furball and bird brain to get their act together and stop troubling you. If you are having another breakdown or need someplace to relax, look for me.” Leona said all of this in your ear, while he nuzzled his cheek against your head. Your tears came out like a waterfall as you wrapped your arms around Leona’s back, sobbing on his chest. Leona refused to let you go as he let you cry to your hearts content, not even bothered that you were getting his shirt wet.

A couple minutes had passed and you eventually stopped crying, but you continued to hug Leona as you didn’t want to let go “You can stay as long as you want.” Leona said to you, most likely knowing you didn’t want to separate. Leona then told you to get some rest, and moved one of his hands to pat your head. Giggling to yourself, you moved your head from his chest and looked at Leona with a soft smile. “Had no idea you were such a softie.” Leona gave you an annoyed look, but then he smirked and placed your head back against his chest. “Yeah yeah. Don’t get use to it, Herbivore.”

[titan-god-helios]

being undiagnosed audhd and in school is so. fucking. draining. i obviously have no accommodations, i can’t just take a moment to myself without coming up with an excuse, i can’t just remove myself from a stressful situation, i have to mask all the time and all that stuff. but i think the worst part in terms of actual school is the homework and assignments.

because of my audhd i not only just take longer to get things done even if my full attention is on it, and if you pair that with the inattentive type adhd, well. that’s one hell of a problem. so i can never get an assignment that should take ten minutes done on time and it instead takes half an hour. an hour even. it’s sickening and exhausting and it makes me feel so damn incompetent because i’m always behind i’m always studying because it takes me so long and because studying takes so long for me even if i’m trying my best i either have to cut corners or stay up longer and sacrifice sleep, in turn reducing my energy to deal with sensory stimuli and conversation and focus on classwork in school the next day, meaning there’s more to catch up on and the cycle continues. why can’t i just do things as quickly as everyone else. why does my brain need so long to process and focus and produce an output. i hate it i hate it so much i hate it i hate it i hate it

[shirogane-oushirou]

hi it's time for a dive into * .✧ ro's ancient oushirou art ✧. * on this lovely oushiversary!!

(aka i don't wanna reblog any of this art directly from the source bc a number of the posts include my old name ^_^ also there's a lot and i'm already spamming y'all with old art KJNASFKJN)

↑ early college era -- still hadn't taken coloring classes, but i had taken anatomy classes and was using my favorite boy as practice outside of classwork :o)

↑ that first one was from when i was drawing my own dakimakura cover bc i figured honeybee would never deliver on an official one (and also a nod to the fact that i had just had my first taste of nutella and it broke my brain (positive)). and i could be wrong but i thiiiink the second one was around when the official one was announced...? maybe?

i just needed a daki so badly. when i FINALLY got my hands on the daki cover, pillows of that size weren't standard over here, so i actually had to make my OWN dakimakura by sewing two standard pillows together... in a larger case comprised of a sheet... which i did all by hand bc i didn't have my sewing machine at the dorm... i was Committed. 😊👍🏻✨

↑ The Sillies. i'm saving everyone from being subjected to all of the oushipug drawings but. ousheep.... ough... and i included the third one in my nick-gave-me-a-pass-to-gush post, but i'm putting it here too bc. it's cute. :3c

↑ practicing with the yoh yoshinari sections in the PSG design books. good stuff, highly recommend taking a look if you're into very interesting western-japanese animation style mixes.

↑ shortly after getting my hands on after winter -- the bouquet is a drawing of a scene from his route ;w; he's so sweet... and so clumsy... top left is from the time when i was watching the end of clannad during all-nighters while working on assignments. can you tell just from that sentence that i was Quite Unwell at the time? KJASNFKJN. (still love miku!oushirou so much tho. honestly love this style. i want to study my art from around this time at some point, maybe regain some things that were uhhh Firmly Discouraged, to put it nicely, during my later college years.)

↑ doodle dumps! first one is from shortly after playing AW, second is from maybe... junior year with a couple from sophomore year? just a lot of style practice. third is mostly from the end of college when i was. struggling kJNASFJKN. SCAD Profs I Will Not Name made me feel like shit for drawing "too anime", then a couple of years later said their "anime" students were their favs, so my style was. very mixed and not confident. skjdnf.

↑ random gifs! wish i could find it, but i also have one somewhere of him blasting off team rocket-style KJASNKDJN and another of him getting scared from a horror game? movie?

↑ first anniversary pic!! and a reblog meme of "draw your favorite character wearing what you're wearing right now", and i was dressed to drive down the street for some late night gas station food w roommates.

↑ selfship-before-selfship "wife blog" art from 12yrs ago!! kazuaki, the series's artist, has drawn catboy oushirou in design docs before, so he'll sometimes pop up in my art as well ksjdnfnkj. also, naturally, self insert art babey. and he's being a little asshole ksjnd.

↑ the one on the left is like. right around when i graduated?? the one in the middle was for his bday, probably 2020, when i was just starting to get back into art, the one on the right is a college sketch that i redrew as practice to ease myself back into drawing in 2020.

↑ bday cupcakes for the bday boy!!!! around like. 2013 or 2014? i used to do a lot of baking for his bdays before i had dietary restrictions kJNASKJFN, though i sometimes sneak a little treat in on his bday if i can find one.

maybe as i sift through posts on my old blog i'll collect all of the weird art i've done and post them in chunks like this. nice way to put them someplace without spamming people with old curiosities ksjdnfk.

(credit)

[gh0st-0f-s0rr0wzz]

vent post (it's a long one)

im just so worried about the future. it feels like there's so much i have to do, but because there's so much to do, i feel so overwhelmed by it all and i can't even start doing anything, which in turn makes me more overwhelmed. all the arbitrary things that i should be doing, im not even getting anywhere with, i feel like i can't seem to do anything at all.

- i need to get a job > i haven't gotten a call back from anybody yet

- i need to work on my extra classes > i need to study for the ACT bc the date is closer

- i need to study for ACTs > but i have to stay on track with my irl classwork

- i need to apply for scholarships > i'm not even going until next year and, again, i need to get my classes done before college is even on the horizon.

- i need to think about where i'm going to live, save up for that. i need to get the equipment for art school/graphic design, save up for that > get a fucking job.

- actually graduating. etc.

but i don't have the energy to tackle anything because it all feels so huge and it's snowball-ed. and i need to get the energy, so that just feels like it's adding on to the pressure itself.

after typing it out, the words sound like an understatement, because in my brain it feels enormous, like a stresser the size of a neutron star and in writing it seems so small compared to that. i feel like i'm overreacting to it but it genuinely feels so much more intense than it should be.

i'm so tired, i feel like i'm running on stretch out energy just to make it through every day, how can i even begin to do all of this? i feel like i can barely do anything. i want help, reassurance, comfort, anything to get myself through this and get everything done, but i don't have that, i don't know how to get that, and i don't think there is a way to get it either to be completely honest.

i just want to get it off my chest, i've been worried about it for a while but it's still been building up in my head. i don't know if there's a way to simply push myself through it on my own, i don't know if i can. all i really know is that i need something to gain that motivation.

[realhumanbean]

Lessons from Atomic Habits by James Clear

After a really long while i've read a book that's been so practical in my day to day life. And as a psychology enthusiast, all the research examples has been rather entertaining to learn about. Thanks to an amazing person for gifting me this amazing book. I do feel very awesome after reading it. Starting with identity based changes really makes me hopeful about the changes being permanent.

I've definitely become a person who reads. The frustrating amounts of time spent on daily commute becomes something so productive with a book to read. Carrying a book around has also made me the "she's always reading" girl which just feeds into my indie girl vibe. Am loving it.

I don’t pile up clothes in my room anymore. I just take the clothes that need to be washed and put them on the floor so it gets in my way and i'm forced to take them out. Making it unattractive has been working effectively.

I don’t wanna jinx this one,but i'm also becoming a diligent student who gets her classwork done on the day it’s given. Ofc it wasn’t easy,but i tried out a few ways and found out what works the best for me so far. My way of taking notes is writing questions in my classwork copy and answering them later that day at home. In this way, it feels like half of the work is done for me already, I just have to retrieve information from my brain (which is also a great memorization skill) and check it off from my to do list. It also keeps me attentive in the class and helps me make the most out of my time in college.

This next one i've been doing without actually knowing how it’s been helping me until I read the book; creating a flow state. Making a to do list which consists of smaller tasks, even if I think I can study one subject for more than 45 minutes or so,i'd still stop there cuz anything more than that can get draining for me. So to keep the balance of challenge and satisfaction, i'd move on to another subject/topic and keep the flow up.

One of my favourite concepts from the book was about environment designing. It's crazy how a simple change in the environment can completely cut something out/ make something obvious in your head. By moving the Quran in my room instead of the living room is making me pick it up way more often. I also keep it on top of my prayer mat so everytime I reach for the prayer mat I have to pick up the Quran and read for at least 10-15 minutes after prayer.

The two minute rule also works for the previous point. I'll be honest, thinking of reading a full surah does make me a bit lazy. But if i'm thinking "I'll just read one page" it gets me in the flow and I do end up reading more than one page everytime.

"The people with the best self-control are typically the ones who need to use it the least." This stood out to me the most from the whole book. Self control is often looked at as something that comes naturally to us. But seeing the book be real about the trap of temptation does make me look at "self control" differently now. "It's easier to avoid temptation than resist it" ties back to creating a favourable environment and making the cues of good habits obvious and the cues of bad habits invisible.

I didn’t know I had that much to write about this book. But writing at least three tumblr posts a week is also a habit i'm tryna build so yay for me. This book is definitely something timeless and i'll be coming back to it in a few years InSha'Allah.

And for those(a singular person) who care about numbers. It's a 9/10 from me.

[coristophanes]

Well this post certainly isn't going to go in the direction I had thought my first post would go when I made this account a few days ago but I told myself that this account for just kinda posting whatever comes to mind; Like a journal of sorts.

I doubt anyone will end up reading this but if you do, I do know that this could be posted privately, but my brain tells me that if it's private there's no point in writing it at all when I could just keep it in. Also I don't know how tumblr is supposed to work but I don't really care. Wow this mobile formatting bothers me. I also don't think I used the semicolon right but I care even less about that.

I'm gonna be talking about mental health and suicide so trigger warnings or whatever.

---------------------

So uh how to start. In my experience, whenever people talk about suicide or whenever it's protrayed in media, it's always a lingering thing, you know? It's always talked about like this monster looming over a person and all it takes is one particularly bad day for it to get close enough to get you. It builds and it lingers and it just always hurts. For so many that's just how it is I'm sure.

I've had my share of suicidal thoughts, they've never gone further than that but they happen. But I feel like my experience is different than the lingering monster. At least I think it is but I'm not really sure, which is part of why I feel the need to write it out. My suicidal thoughts aren't lingering, they're reactive. They happen in response to things that upset me, even just minorly.

I struggle greatly with self worth. Its not that I feel inadequate but more that I feel purposeless? I guess? I'm capable of so much, I know that I am, but I'm unable to use that. I've tried furthering my education, developing a career, going to the gym, taking care of myself better. I can never manage. It starts out strong but lose focus. School in particular was tough because the littlest fuck ups snowball. All it took was a single missed assignment to cause a domino effect leading to me literally missing 80% of all my classes and classwork.

I don't really know where I'm going with this but I think I got off topic. The littlest mistake, embarrassment, bad memory, anything, is enough to pop into my head the idea of "it would be so easy to just do ___ and have it all be over with." And then it's gone. Either I push it out or or it just leaves and I don't think about it until the next time. The thing that spurred all this on in particular is that I've spent too much money recently. Was laying in bed, thought about my spending and then just "this sucks, I suppose I could just end it." Only reason I'm thinking about it now is because I've chosen to think about it because you know... Probably not a healthy mindset to have.

But when I got to writing the first part of this post I started thinking "is this really different from the looming monster metaphor" (not my best work). Sure it's not inherently the direct nono thoughts always looming over me, but those triggering thoughts absolutely are. I find myself always needing some kind of distraction lest the thoughts creep in. I watch so much Netflix and YouTube and tiktok, etc, just to keep the thoughts from rearing their ugly lil heads. Even as we speak, or I guess as I write, I'm rewatching suits on Netflix in a little popout window on my phone (if your curious where I am, Mike just got arrested for being a fraud). Notably, I don't typically listen to music because I'm still able to empty my head when I listen to music, leaving it open for the thoughts I don't wanna deal with.

Honestly I don't know where to go with all this at this point. I'm kinda out of thoughts to write down. Uhh might see Oppenheimer next week, that'll be fun. Maybe barbie too, idk about that one though, kinda harkens back to the spending problem.

Harkens? Did I use that right? I'm gonna assume I did. I probably didn't but who cares, whats gonna happen? The nonexistent reader gonna make imaginary funny of me for harkening wrong? I think not.

This was never the intent of this account. I thought I was gonna be funny and just kinda post random 'quirky' thoughts but uhhh I do think there's gonna be more of these in the future because it felt good to get this off my chest.

Future Topics you can look forward to [or dread]:

- My emotions [or lack thereof]

- My relationship and why I think it's struggling [spoiler alert: I might be aro but I have no idea]

- Why I randomly changed from round to square brackets [I didn't feel like fixing them once I noticed]

- quirky silly goofy Minecraft Roleplay Server trauma (trauma might be a little strong but the hyperbole makes it funny.)

- Cheese probably. Idk why or when but cheese is important to me and I'm gonna discuss it eventually.

- the fact I think I have ADHD or some other neurodivegency (but you'll never catch me telling someone because I despise self diagnosis)

- hyperfixation of the week

- the fact that I accidentally went back to round brackets

- the fact that this list is way too long now but I don't really care to delete any of them but like whatever? Nobody is reading this. Probably. Like I said idk how tumblr works.

Uhhh anyway bye.

Sike I realized my about me section isn't actually made yet so breif background info I should probably put at the top but uhh fuck you.

Cori, 22, Agender(ish), Use any pronouns but if you ask me which ones I use I'll tell you they/them otherwise you'll end up using exclusively he/him and I don't want that because that is incorrect, sorry. Canadian... If that's relevant. I like purple. Big fan of Satyrs. Love D&D. Not straight but don't ask me what I am or I might have to kill you (I don't know). Fun fact: approximately 65% of the crushes I had while in pre-post-secondary school ended up realizing they're actually various flavours of transmasc (one's actually Triple A but don't worry about it).

None of this is relevant, but my episode of suits ended so I'm just kinda rambling until I can find a good point to stop typing, otherwise return of the bad thoughts. I hope tumblr posts don't have a word limit (looking at you twitter [or should I say 'X'] {I shouldn't say X, X is stupid})

Wait this is already and incoherent disaster I can just stop now.

K byeeeeeee

[proserpina-magnus]

hi🥺 I’ve got a super cheesy request, but whatever haha can I request a one shot James x fem reader where she is really really stressed all the time over really small things that may not even happen and James tries to calm her down and remind her that everything is going to be alright?

Oh and I just wanted to say that your writing brings a lot of comfort in my life. Thank you so much and you have a real gift for writing!!!💞

Thank you so much for your request, also im gad my writing can bring you comfort!! This was an awesome request to write and i hope you enjoy this!

Distress [ James Potter ]

Word Count: 1812

[ Warning: female reader, stressful/intrusive thoughts, worrying, James Potter being a dork, Kissing, description of distress and panic, slight mention of blood/bruises, petnames such as "love" "baby" and "princess", napping together ]

You flip onto your back, the sheets and pillows under you. You fussed messily, limbs sprawled out on the bed as you try and stop yourself from yanking your hair out. Recently, your thoughts had been consuming your mental state to a point where all you could do was worry about it.

You try and get dressed, brushing out your hair in a small rage as you felt a tangle of hair. You almost broke down crying at the small inconvenience, but you sighed unhappily and slipped on Jame's jumper. The jumper felt huge, it enclosed you with warmth and the slight smell of Jame's cologne filled your nose.

You sighed in relaxation, finding some peace in the jumper. You kept thinking about James, smiling as you fixed your outfit. Once you had finished, a small thought crossed into your head. 'What if your shoes are untied and you fall?'

The small thought made you spiral, walking down the steps carefully with your eyes glued to your shoes. You kept glancing at them, not looking away from them as you made your way to the dining hall.

"There's my girl," Jame's voice rose to catch your attention, you looked up from your shoes and let them look into James's comforting stare.

"Good morning," you mumbled, sliding in between Sirius and James as you felt a strong arm wrap around your side. James pulled you into a side hug, kissing your forehead gently.

"Morning my love, did you sleep well?" He asked, helping you fill your plate with breakfast foods. You leaned your head on his shoulder, a stronger scent of his cologne filling your senses. You relaxed slightly, escaping your thoughts for a hot minute.

"I slept okay," you sighed, remembering how you couldn't fall asleep until late in the night because of your cautious thoughts.

"Only okay? That's not good, how about after class you go and take a nap in my dorm?" James suggested, his hand on your jaw as he tilted your face up to look at him. His worried eyes looked over your face, seeing how tired you looked.

"I'm fine James, promise," you assured half-heartedly, you remembered you had a small quiz in Transfiguration. The thoughts started instantly, abruptly like bombs as they piled you with terrible thoughts. 'What if you failed? What if all the studying was for nothing?'

"Okay, if you're sure. You wanna hear about the new broomstick that is coming out?" James asked, a small sigh on his lips as he knew you weren't exactly telling the truth. James was aware of your stressful demeanor, he tried his best to distract you, but it seemed to be doing the opposite.

"Sure," you say, listening to him ramble for the next few minutes about the broomstick. You listen mostly to what he says, but his words don't make sense to you. You just nod and ask questions, finishing up your breakfast.

'What if he gets hurt next quidditch match?' The thought was hurting your head, making you gulp. Jame's loved quidditch, but it was such a competitive sport, it scared you sometimes.

You fixated on the thought, your mind flashing with images of James bleeding and bruised, your heart started to race. James was easy to read your expression, his hand on your knee to give it a quick rub for reassurance.

"You okay love?" He asked, you gave a small nod and grabbed his hand with yours. You squeezed his fingers pretty tightly, not wanting to let go in case he left and got hurt.

"I'm okay," you say, but James doesn't believe you. He lets you hold his fingers, giving you a small smile. He kisses your head, leaning down to whisper a small, "nothing going to happen, princess,"

"You don't know that," you tell him, leaning closer to him as everyone around you gets ready to head to class. You quickly move away, standing and flattening your outfit so it wasn't crumpled.

James follows, along with his other friends as you all began to walk to your first class. James pulls you back slightly, making you both walk slower so everyone walks ahead.

"What are you worrying about? I promise you I can debunk it," James promised, his fingers wiggled between yours as he started to swing your hands together. He slowed his pace, making sure that he was walking at your rhythm.

"What if my shoes get untied and I fall? And what if you get hurt during a quidditch game?" You say, not believing that he could possibly find a way to fix your thoughts. But James only smiled and pulled you to the side, stopping near an open area.

"Sit on the ledge," he says, helping you up on the ledge. You watched him crouch down, giving your knee a small kiss.

"Well, I can help your first worry, I can simply just cast a spell to make sure your shoes stay tied," James chuckled, a wide smile on his face as he beams up at you. He takes out his wand, muttering a small spell as he taps your shoes.

"And the second worry?" You asked, happy that you had someone to soothe your thoughts. You felt a lot better at the small spell James casted, feeling safe.

"Lucky for you, I'm the best at quidditch, so if I was to get hurt, it would totally be on purpose," James said with a cocky smirk, leaning up to kiss you gently. You pushed yourself onto your feet, leaning into his body to get closer.

"And I can assure you, love, I will never deliberately put myself in pains way when it comes to quidditch," He muttered against your lips, pushing his fingers along yours. He brought your hand to his lips, giving it a small kiss.

"Only quidditch?" You asked, wondering if James would hurt himself for the greater deed. Sometimes, you thought that James was too forgiving and daring, he would do anything for the people he loved. It made you worry.

James didn't respond, looking at you with soft eyes as he debated his response. He knew he wouldn't lie, so he simply pulled you along the corridor.

"Come on love, let's get to class," James says, as you both head to Transfiguration, you remember the quiz you had and started to panic slightly. The stressful thoughts beginning again.

"What if I fail the quiz?" You asked him frantically, changing the subject to another of your worry's. You felt a small dread at the fact James would hurt himself for the greater good, but you knew you couldn't change him, so you simply sighed and tried not to think about it. Your brain focused on the quiz, images of failing grades flashed through your head. You bit your lip, chewing on it anxiously.

"We studied all yesterday! There is no way you will fail, you're just too brilliant," He assured, kissing your head as you both settled into your chairs. You looked at him, not believing his words. James only gave you a generous smile, he knew you would pass the quiz.

"Hey, even if you do super bad, which you won't! Your grade won't change that much, it's only worth 10 points, it won't affect anything!"

Realizations hit you, making you relax in your seat. James was right, the quiz wasn't even worth that much and you both did study. You could recite the whole transfiguration textbook back to front, there was no way you could fail.

You felt a strong wave of proudness wash over you, there wasn't any possible way you would fail. Confidence filled your veins, a proud smile on your lips as you shared it with James. He only smiled back, mouthing a small 'I believe in you' and that was enough for you to believe his words, you wouldn't fail.

During the quiz, you felt like you were answering every question wrong. You kept crossing out answers then filling them in again. Your page was a mess, full of scratches and messy words. You sighed quietly, your forehead pressed into your hand.

You finished anxiously, passing in the paper. You bit the inside of your cheek, knowing that you couldn't have possibly passed. You almost felt like crying when the thoughts kept pouring into you, the day hasn't even started yet and you were completely exhausted.

"See, it wasn't that bad!" James says while you both walk to Potions, but you only shake your head and hold back stressed tears. James frowns, rubbing your forearm as he pets your head, he tried his best to soothe you.

"Oh love, there isn't a need to shed tears over it! You probably did great," James tells you, you both walk into the potions classroom, settling down near a desk in the back.

"No James, I didn't! I'm going to fail the quiz, I kept scratching out my answers! I didn't know anything," you quavered, feeling emotionally drained.

James picked up on your struggle, a frown on his lips as his hand came to pat your thigh. You let your head fall against the desk hard and you hear James wince at the sound, his hand on your back.

"After this class, I'm going to take you to my dorm and you can get some sleep okay?" James stated, rubbing your back gently as he watched you with saddened eyes. James wished he could take away your stressful thoughts, he hated seeing you worry.

"I'm fine," you lied, not even trying to cover up your obvious distress.

"No you're not princess, and that's okay. But you have to take care of yourself," James worries himself, his hands twitching. You look up at him through your eyelashes, heaving a small sigh.

"Okay," you mumble and the class continues. The hour passes slowly, James doing most of the classwork as he lets you lean against him. The only thing keeping you from spiralling and having a mental breakdown is James kissing your forehead periodically and his sweet words.

Your eyes blur for a few moments as you let James lead you through Hogwarts. You don't remember how you got here, but you laid in James' embrace, his hands in your hair as his warm blankets swallows you in sleepiness.

"What if I sleep through my next class?" You asked, your body twitching as you move to get a comfortable position. You felt tired, but thoughts kept your attention.

"I'll stay awake, I'll make sure you get to class on time," James kisses your head, his fingers massaging your scalp in a wonderful motion. You lay completely into James's body, letting your eyes close.

"Go to sleep baby. I've got you now," James whispered, you felt your nerves relax. Before you knew it, you fall asleep against his chest, curling yourself closer to your protector.

[cupidsintern]

shot thru the heart, pt 2

pt 1 here!

-

Steve shoves Billy's perfect handwriting homework in his binder with his own shitty notes and thinks immediately that it doesn't belong there. Too good. Too Perfect. Too pretty. Like the tails on Billy’s lowercase Gs and Ys- pretty. He thinks of that the whole time he’s copying free responses and trying to change the wording just enough so it sounds different- he just dumbs it down, has to guess at what a couple words mean, Billy writes all intellectual-

But actually Steve sort of feels like he learns something. Sort of feels like he gets it a little better in just the way Billy describes it back to himself. And Billy only did this to be helpful- the extended “I’m really actually sorry” of making sure someone passes at least one of their fucking classes. Steve wonders briefly if Billy would ever like, tutor him or something. Then he shoves that thought right the fuck back where it came from because the pit of what he’s sure is jealousy in his stomach fucking writhes or some shit when he thinks about being around Billy that much. Even just looking at his handwriting…

Steve takes an extra long, extra think-y shower after he finishes his homework.

Steve hands Billy’s work back in the hallway just outside their shared second period. He even waits by the door, a solid two minutes before the bell, leaning against a row of lockers trying not to look at the stupid depression-inducing decor. He’s not-thinking about it so hard that he doesn't notice Billy until he’s right there, close-

“Aw, you waited for me?” Billy says, mock-sweet, taking his work back out of Steve's hands.

Steve recovers from his surprise faster. “You wish.”

“Don’t I ever.” Billy’s already walking into class, sorta mumbles that last part. Steve follows him in.

And they don’t talk for the rest of class- there’s no homework. But Steve can feel like he can sense Billy's presence more again, now. Like before, but somehow worse...

Jealousy is a bitch.

Steve does get the last last homework he turned in back, though. This one also copied from Billy, and-

B-. improving! Is written at the top of the page. Great, Steve’s improving. Just in time for fucking spring semester of his senior year. And the improvement isn't even his it’s-

The bell rings. Billy’s up and out of his desk so fast his backpack clips the edge of the adjacent desk as he slings it ever so casually over his left shoulder. Everytime, he's so fast. Like he can’t be in any one place too long- like a shark.

That's a thing right? Steve thinks. Sharks. They have to keep swimming or they like, die or something.

Steve realizes he’s just been staring at the door Billy walked out of several moments ago and he blinks. Shakes his head a little, he’s spacing out too much.

Then he looks down.

A sheet of note paper lays face up on the floor next to him. W Hargrove in its top right corner- more notes.

Steve grabs the sheet of paper off the floor and shoves it into his backpack, before he even really has time to think about what he’s doing, why he’s doing it- burning hot something in the deepest pit of his stomach it’s jealousy it has to be- before getting up and walking out of class.

So why did Steve take Billy’s notes? Why, to give them back of course.

Billy probably needs it back, this half finished sheet of chemistry bullshit from- jesus from October?

Okay, well if Billy doesn't need it back, maybe Steve can just. Keep it. Keep it and stare at it and hate every single one of those perfectly lined up conversion equations that he remembers not understanding at all. Billy must be in honors classes, too, because some of it Steve doesn't remember. He spends way too much time looking at it when he gets home, sits down at his desk, ignores every fucking thing else in his backpack and pulls just the sheet out.

W Hargrove

10/20/84

The W is so even. It makes Steve’s blood boil. And all the slashes are perfectly parallel- Steve traces his finger under the numbers. He sets his hand on the paper, as if he were holding a phantom pencil, thinks how a past version of Billy traced his hand over this paper just the same way when he took these notes. Steve wasn't sure if he could remember Billy being a lefty or a righty, but he was so smart…

Steve took his hand off the paper suddenly, like it had burned him. Something… didn't sit right.

He folded the paper in half once and slid it back into his binder- more carefully than before- and switching to attempting to finish his homework.

Billy was a lefty. But technically he was a. Am. Ambiv- nope. The thing! Where you can switch hands. It’s- Ambidextrous? Yes. That.

Steve congratulated himself a little for remembering the word, then went back to completely spacing out thinking he could hear the sound of Billy's pencil scratching across his notebook behind Steve in class.

He did not pay attention at all, the whole day, the warm red feeling making his skin tingle and his feet itch like he had to walk somewhere. He got up to use the bathroom twice in the same class period, which the teacher wasn't too happy about, but whatever. Fuck her. She didn't have to sit in front of Billy and look at his perfect notes every time he found himself looking over his shoulder to check the time.

“What’s got you tweaking?” Billy’s voice snaps Steve out of his trance.

“What?” Steve looks over his shoulder again, this time directly at Billy, who's looking directly back at him, which makes him feel like his brain got left out in the sun.

“Tah-week-ing.” Billy says again, slower like he’s letting Steve catch up, stupid Californian drawl.

“Oh just. Uh. Just nervous.”

“Test isn’t for another two weeks, pretty boy.”

The warm feeling is back in full force, Steve thinks it must be because of how calm and collected Billy sounds, like he couldn't care less about the test. “Not all of us can be geniuses, okay?”

Billy laughs a little- it’s pretty, softer. Steve hates it. “Bold words from someone copying my homework.”

Steve frowns a little, he can’t help it, makes to turn back around but Billy catches his shoulder-

“Hey,” Billy starts, hesitates like he’s thinking about something

Warm turns to hot, Steve’s sweating and he’s only in a windbreaker.

“If you need like. Serious help with classwork, you could always borrow my notes.”

Steve blinks. It’s a lot nicer of an offer than just letting someone copy off you. A lot nicer than Billy usually is to him. Less of an apology, more of, like, an invitation.

Is Billy trying to be his friend?

“I,” Steve starts “Might take you up on that-”

The teacher shushes both of them. Steve turns back to sitting, facing the front.

God, is he jealous of Billy being able to be nice?

-

-> pt 3

[babieateez]

after literal months of trying to write this, here it is!! i completely trashed it after a few attempts and rewrote it in the span of two hours after probably too much coffee but i hope everyone enjoys it nonetheless !!

you didn’t know jung wooyoung very well but you also felt like things were better off that way since he was the type of guy to hang out with the wrong crowd

y’know, the ones who probably smoke cigarettes on campus and cut classes to get drunk at whatever party was happening on campus that day

you could be almost positive that jung wooyoung would rather stick his hand in hot oil than be acquainted with you, since pretty much every time you accidentally made eye contact with him in your shared class, he looked just about like he was ready to commit murder

the first time it happened, you hadn’t even realized you were looking at him, not until you felt someone’s red hot stare on your face

and the second, third and fourth time have also all been less than purposeful, getting called by the professor to hand back certain papers, dropping your pencil too close to him, quickly glancing around the room to see if anyone had caught you tripping over your own shoelaces and seeing the cold eyes of wooyoung staring back at you, every single time has been returned with a sneer crossing his face and a dangerous look in his eyes

it’s not like you wanted to be looking at him, you had much better things to be doing, like your classwork or writing in your notebook, but it’s like you were fated to annoy wooyoung

it was like a curse, you couldn’t escape that guy, especially not when your professor told the class about how the project that he was originally planning to be done alone was to now be completed in partners (randomly assigned!!)

lord knows you had just the worst luck, so of course you got paired up with jung fucking wooyoung of course you had!

you’re sure that as soon as he heard your name in conjunction with his, he was ready to drop the class entirely but you were more than willing to do all the work by yourself if it meant not having to deal with him

you told him as much as soon as class was over which obviously didn’t go over so well seeing as wooyoung just narrowed his eyes at you and told you that he didn’t trust you to not fuck things up, adding that he was going to be in the library later in the day to get started

you almost snapped back at him that you were surprised that he even knew where the library was, but you held your tongue out of fear for your own safety and well-being

so later that day, you walked yourself to the library despite every bone in your body protesting spending extra time with the man who all but hated you

you refused to let him do the work alone because you weren’t overly confident in his mental facilities and dedication to getting at least passing grades

and after about five minutes of walking through the library, you spotted wooyoung sitting at a table with a book pulled out, along with a snack which you were pretty sure were prohibited in this area

but as long as it didn’t get you in trouble, you didn’t want to waste your time arguing with him over the rules

as he looked up from the snack he was examining for whatever reason, he spotted you, a sour look crossing his face as he leaned back in his chair

as you approached and pulled out a chair on the opposite side of the table, he made some remark about how he didn’t actually expect you to show and that he’s disappointed that he has to spend extra time with you

to which you can’t help but retort by saying you figured he might need help actually figuring out how to read the books on the subject but you leave it at that, opting to ignore whatever comes out of his loud mouth next in favor of pulling out your laptop to actually start working on the project

the table becoming silent other than the sounds of munching whenever wooyoung took a bite of his snack and after a few hours of research and tense comparing of ideas, you call it a day and head home to ponder how you and wooyoung didn’t tear each other apart from limb to limb

these quiet library sessions filled with very little talking and a lot of awkwardness in the air continue for a few weeks, each time you meet up getting less scary and annoying, and in turn becoming more relaxed and productive

the insults haven’t stopped being slung from either side, but now it’s less of actual hatred and closer to frenemy-esque banter which surprises you almost as much as when you forgot to eat lunch before going to the library

your stomach letting out a loud grumble in front of your project partner, and him glaring at you with an accusatory look, only to reach into his bag and grab out one of the snacks he always seems to be carrying around

you weren’t sure how to respond to this so you spluttered out a “no thank you, why do you think i want your shit anyway” only for wooyoung to shove it onto your side of the table anyway

telling you that it was probably stale from sitting at the bottom of his bag for weeks anyway but when you open it and take a bite of one of the crackers, it’s not even close to stale, it’s not even crushed up like most old snacks would be

this unexpected act of kindness (could it even be classified as that when wooyoung was probably just annoyed by your stomach making noise???) shut you up for the rest of the day, and even some of the next time you saw him

until you realized it would be the last day you’d have to work with him for the project, seeing as it was due the next day in class and leaving the table that day felt almost bittersweet

you didn’t know what to do with yourself now that you had so much wooyoung-free time, but it was nice knowing that you didn’t have to worry about annoying him any more

that is, until you show up to the library the next week, near the same time you and wooyoung usually met up to work, since you weren’t sure what else to do during that time, only to find wooyoung sitting at the same table you usually worked together at

you were shocked of course, but he looked even more shocked when he saw you approaching, asking you what you were doing here, if you knew that the project was over or if your tiny brain couldn’t remember that, the same banter you’d usually encounter while working

you let him know that you just didn’t know what else to do with the free time, now that you don’t have any big projects to work on so you figured you’d just chill here anyway

and nothing much really happens, it’s a mix between you feeling awkward and trying to act natural until you realize that you have to leave

when you meet up with your friends after for a little de-stressing hangout, they ask you if you’re still going on those dates with wooyoung and you can’t help but laugh- you???? attracted to jung wooyoung???????? the man who has only felt contempt towards you????????????? as if.

yet, despite it being a passing comment meaning no harm, you can’t help but ponder over it for far longer than someone who actually isn’t in some way attracted to wooyoung should

it practically takes over your life, thinking and overthinking every word you’ve said to him and every interaction you’ve shared with him, you could’ve sworn at the time that you hated him but maybe the flutter you got in your stomach before meeting him every week wasn’t so much out of fear as it was attraction

you stay in your dorm the next week in favor of going to the library, fearing that you’d become physically ill if you had to see wooyoung and confront your feelings and biases towards him, not even slightly suspecting that he’d find you in class the next day and ask if you were okay, since you weren’t at the library yesterday

offering you once more a snack from his bag which you accept weakly with a weak snide comment about not wanting his pity, him responding with a small smile that he was actually plotting to give you food poisoning but you could tell that he cared at least a little bit, a fact which got your heart racing and you brain trying to deny totally

the next week, you actually do show up to the library, not wanting to seem weak for skipping the unofficial hangout with wooyoung, only for you to lose yourself in the book you were reading

not realizing it had gotten dark until you looked out the window nearby, wanting to bang your head against the table since it’s never safe to walk alone in the dark, until wooyoung sees your plight and offers to walk you home

you feel like you’re about to combust but you shake your head quickly, saying you can call a friend to come pick you up, but wooyoung doesn’t seem to be listening to your protests, telling you that you’re too stubborn and to just let him walk yo back to the dorm

it would probably be less out of the way for him than your friend anyway

which is how you find yourself standing beside him, walking to your dorm in the dark

when you get to your door, you see the gears turning in his brain and can’t resist one final jab for the day, remarking that you’re surprised it’s not actually hollow in his noggin

and since jung wooyoung never fails to surprise you, he forgoes a response to instead start leaning toward you with a small smirk on his face

the heat in your face feels like it’s on turboblast, your heart is going three hundred miles per hour and you can’t think of anything logical to do other than to run inside your dorm, quickly shout out a thank you, and all but slam your door in his face

your roommate asks why you look so panicked and you respond with “i think my mortal enemy slash crush just tried to kiss me”

you have more than a few crises about it that night, even dreaming about the events of the day, only to show up to class the next day, seeing wooyoung look less energized than usual

this time you’re the one to approach him, asking if he’s okay and him sort of scoffing and asking why you would care anyway (at this point you know he’s hurt but you were nervous that the guy you thought you hated but ended up being attracted to was trying to kiss you okay you’re valid)

so you steel your nerves, check that the professor hasn’t walked into class yet, and quickly grab wooyoung by the front of his shirt and give him the quickest kiss you think may be humanly possible before rushing to your seat and burying your head in the textbook, leaving wooyoung standing there in shock as the professor waltzes in

if you think you can escape the clutches of wooyoung after class, you’re sorely mistaken, as soon as the professor dismisses you, he’s shooting out of his seat and grabbing your hand, basically dragging you into a quieter part of the building before asking if you meant it, you shooting him a silent, bashful nod, and him pulling you in for a much longer kiss than you gave him before

it’s like breathing after a lifetime of not knowing what oxygen was, but you pull back to ask him why he hated you and the words get caught in his throat

it’s like he’s choking on his pride when he tells you that the first time he saw you he was so enraptured by you, but how he also couldn’t help but be bitter that you’d never see him like that since you were so out of his league (in his mind- he was the “bad boy” after all)

he knew what sorts of rumors circulated about him around campus, skipping class to smoke and party, getting into fights

but the reality was just that he worked at a shop to be able to pay his tuition and sometimes the hours were in the middle of when he had to be in class or whatever

he even always let the professors know and they were always okay with it as long as his grades didn’t suffer

you were sitting there listening to him say all this with his arms still around you like :0

because wow you’d never guess it

but because you can’t help yourself, you remark that he was so much more sexy when you thought he was a real bad boy, to which he shuts you up by kissing you once more, a common theme you discover in the coming weeks of courtship

your meetings at the library migrating to small cafes and cute diners and movies at his apartment, all feelings of tension and hatred and remorse becoming almost a joke with you two, hardly being able to believe there was a time in which you weren’t so enamored with each other

the both of you hardly being able to go a single weekend without staying the night with each other, waking up in a pile of blankets and pillows and tangled in the warm embrace of the other, making breakfast (or brunch, since it’s sometimes hard to get out of bed) with each other

wooyoung often opting to hold you from behind rather than actually helping though you can’t exactly say you mind too much as long as he’s quietly making corny jokes in your ear or kissing you on the head

the best times, you think are the times where he, in his typical wooyoung fashion, surprises you by taking you out on dates

sometimes they’re fancy restaurants where you feel much too young and broke to be, playing footsies under the table and giggling at each other

other times he just takes you to the middle of a field of flowers where he unveils a picnic basket and cute quilted blanket (which he reveals to you that he made himself) and the two of you lay outside for hours, sometimes running around and playing goofy games, sometimes laying in each others’ embrace and basking in the silence that you now feel so comfortable in

sometimes he just pulls you into bed for a midday nap, sleeping next to each other like it’s where you were made to be

as if some higher being had made it so that the place you melded to was wooyoung’s side

as if he was the only place you were ever going to be complete, and you figured that’s how it was since wooyoung was your home, he was everything you ever needed and he was the only thing that made you feel such otherworldly love

[script-nef]

Mystery lady | Aizawa Shouta

Category: fluff, crack?

2.2k words; Eri has another caretaker?

“All right, we have a surprise visitor today.” Aizawa mumbled underneath his scarf, packing the rest of his paperwork into a pile. “Don’t be annoying and suffocate her.” Heads swivelled as the large door slowly creaked open to reveal the small and adorable guest.

“Eri-chan?” Midoriya shot up from his seat, eyes popping out of his head. Others followed suit, squealing at her cute attire. Aizawa lifted her up and placed her on his desk, patting her head.

“She’s available to stay with us for about an hour, or until her caretaker comes.” Everyone—well, nearly everyone—crowded over Eri, eager to talk to her. The last time they saw her was months ago, after all. Aizawa would only give small slivers of information like “she went to the hospital today” or “she’s fine, stop asking” after the students pestered him. It was only when Iida interrupted, concerned for her personal space, that they stepped back a bit.

“Ah, I have to get some forms from the staff room… Look after her for a moment. You are going to be heroes.” With that, the teacher slid out of the room with his yellow sleeping bag in tow. After he left, all attention was directed to Eri.

“It’s been ages since we last saw you! How are you, is everything okay?”

“How’s it like living with Aizawa-sensei? Is he kind? Is he taking good care of you?” They took turns asking, giving her some snacks. Watching her face light up melted their hearts.

“Yep! He asks me a lot if I’m okay and gives me sweets! He once gave me this really bitter one and laughed when I spat it out. It was a really weird but funny grin.” The class couldn’t really imagine their apathetic teacher giving anyone any other type of a smile. The same one which scared them down to their bones.

Others chimed in with their questions, ranging from “Have you gone to any other places?” to “Have you found any other foods you like?” or “Are you going to school now?” Eri answered all of them with a bright smile. 

It made Midoriya almost tear up, how her attitude and personality changed from the moment they saved her from Overhaul’s grasp. He knew his influence over her wasn’t completely gone, but it was steadily disappearing, and nothing brought him greater joy than that.

“Wait, but… where do you go when Aizawa-sensei teaches us? Surely he doesn’t just leave you alone in the faculty’s dorm?” Yaoyorozu spoke up, fingers sifting through Eri’s silver locks. When Eri looked back at her in puzzlement, she replied with “that’s a fancy word for teachers.”

“Oh, [Name] looks after me.” The class looked quizzically at her, heads tilted in curiosity. 

“Who?”

“[Name]! She lives with us, and she’s so kind and the best. She always wakes me up with fireflies and it’s so pretty!” Everyone stopped at that. 

“...And is she like, our age, or…?”

“No? She’s an adult.”

Sparks flew around in the students’ minds as they tried to connect the dots. 

Aizawa-sensei lives in the faculty dorms in the Heights Alliance. Eri-chan lives with him. This mystery person lives with Eri-chan. Therefore, she must be living with our teacher. Aizawa-sensei is living with another adult, a female, no less. What the hell?

They murmured amongst each other, trying to speculate how this was possible. Eri stared in confusion. “Why are you whispering?”

“Eri-chan, when you say ‘lives with us’, did you mean like she moved in when you moved in or she was living with Aizawa-sensei before you came?”

“She moved into the dorms after I came.” The students nodded, saying how it would be unusual for the antisocial teacher to voluntarily live with anyone. Or for anyone to agree to the arrangement. “But she told me she was living with him before he came into the dorms. She complained about it a lot, how she had to travel every day just to see him. She’s happier now!”

This made them stop again. But in an attempt to stop interrogating her about this mysterious lady and focus on Eri herself, Kirishima steered the conversation.

“Uh, so what do you do all day?”

“[Name] is an artist, but she said she was also a teacher. I’m being homeschooled by her, but it’s so fun! And she always makes cakes and candy apples as a well-done reward. Then we take naps, watch TV and then eat dinner when Aizawa-san comes back. We sometimes go to the park and have picnics. She drew me a rabbit to play with on the grass and it came to life. It was so cute!”

Eri’s bubbly and enthusiastic voice made everyone coo at her adorableness. After sitting in countless non-hero lessons, she was like a ray of sunshine which brightened up their day. They didn’t know who this lady was, but she was apparently taking incredibly good care of their “little sister”.

“You must really like her then! She sounds like a lovely person.” Uraraka wiped the smudge of chocolate off Eri’s cheek, pinching it lightly in the process.

“Yep! She’s really lovely and hugs me a lot. Sometimes she calls Aizawa-san over and we cuddle for hours while watching movies!” This was the sentence which absolutely broke everyone’s brain. They stared dumbfoundedly at her confused face until one of them regained their ability to speak. Now that she said that, there was no way they could skip past this person.

 “Can you… tell us more about [Name]? Especially about her and Aizawa-sensei?”

“Um, well…”

“Wow, I am lost. My lack of sense of direction never ceases to amaze me… that’s the third time I’ve walked past the Nurse’s Office. Hm, not worrying at all, I’m perfectly fine.” A breath of fatigue and annoyance slipped out as you made a right, even though that’s what you did last time. “Ah yes, all around me are familiar signs, but no faces. If only the song could come true.”

The empty corridors were being filled with your muttering until you stopped in your tracks. “Wait a second, she’s in 1-A. Which means it would be on the second floor since the first would be the teacher’s lounges and whatnot. I need to go upstairs. Ugh, why didn’t I think this 10 minutes ago?” A pause. “It’s because I don’t use my two withering brain cells.”

Even on the second floor, you found yourself lost. Another 10 minutes would have been wasted trying to gauge your location if it weren’t for the loud squeals and shouts exploding out of a room. That fits the description Shouta gave. Energetic and no regards for the eardrums of anyone nearby, especially ones trying to sleep.

As you came closer, individual voices could be heard.

“Aizawa-sensei did that? I can’t believe it!”

“He doesn’t seem like a romantic type at all. I should believe the sky is collapsing before this.”

“He does it all the time, every single day. Ah, that’s her! [Name]!” Slipping into the classroom and nodding to the students, you carefully embraced the small child and held her up in your arms. The weight of her body on your arms and her arms around your neck immediately calmed your heart rate down. 

“Oh thank goodness I found you, I had no idea where I was! I swear I’m worse than Zoro when it comes to finding my way around.”

“Who’s Zoro?”

“Uhm, a fictional character you don’t need to worry about. You’re too young for One Piece.” Eri nodded with a smile and pulled at your sleeve. “Yes, dear?”

“[Name], they’re all Aizawa-san’s students! They’re so nice!”

“Yes, Grumpy told us about them, right? The band of misfits who he loves very much even though he never said it out loud or sometimes says the complete opposite. Remember how he said ‘I would rather drink an entire bottle of balsamic vinegar than go to another class’ yesterday but still woke up at 6? He’s such a tsundere.”

“He doesn’t like it when you call him that.” 

“What, Grumpy? No, he loves it, I can tell. I’m psychic.”

“Psychic?”

“I can read what other people think. It’s my Quirk.”

“Isn’t your Quirk Piggy?”

“...I have two quirks? No, that doesn’t make sense. Alright, you got me, I’m lying. And it’s Pygmalion, remember? Piggy is cute but very misleading.”

The students watched the light banter between you and Eri, eyes shifting to whoever was speaking. A lightbulb went off in Sero’s head which stopped the conversation. 

“Wait, I’ve seen you around before! You’re in the cafeteria every night!” Your attention changed to the boy, and the gaggle of wide-eyed children, at that. 

“Oh, I thought I was sneaky enough. Guess not. Okay, hello everyone! I’m [Surname] [Name], and I’m taking care of Eri along with that grouch you call a teacher in the faculty’s dorms. I’m not a suspicious person, I have all of my credentials and papers. And this little lady has a maths test to start!” Eri squealed and attempted to wriggle out of your arms at that, determined to escape. She slipped off and hid behind Midoriya, sticking her tongue out at you.

“I want to stay here!” You crouched down to her eye level, trying to reason with her. It was hard to say no since she barely asks for anything, and you never wanted to stop her from experiencing the outside world.

“Sweetie, these students must have their classwork to do and we might be disturbing them. And we don’t want to do that, ri—”

“Actually!” Kaminari cut in. “Sorry for interrupting, but we have absolutely no work right now!” Iida attempted to say “Yes we do.” but was smothered into silence by Ashido. “We have all the time in the world to talk to Eri-chan!” Her head spun to yours at that, large puppy-dog eyes fluttering with clasped hands. This was a move you tried to ban in the house because it instantly made you weak. 

“Alright then… If we’re not disrupting you guys, then I don’t see the harm. I’ll be sitting here, just to keep an eye out for our little miss. Don’t mind me.” Making yourself comfortable, you whipped out a novel from your bag and started reading. Although, the session lasted for only 2 minutes since the lack of rambunctious noise made you look up to 21 pairs of eyes staring back at you. “Can I… help you?”

“Miss, you live with Eri-chan, right?”

“Yes. Also, just call me [Name]. Yobisute is fine, don’t be so distant!”

“Ah, right. So you live with Aizawa-sensei.”

“Yup! You guys have it hard, having Grumpy for a teacher. Although I shouldn’t be the one saying that, seeing how I’ve been going out with him for the past… 3 years? Wow, time flies.” Screams of “What?” and “He’s dating someone?” filled the room. “Ah, so he didn’t mention me, huh? Typical Grumpy.”

“What do you see in him?” Todoroki’s voice cut through the chatter. Midoriya shrieked and explained to the bichrome boy how that has an offensive meaning. “Oh, I see. Sorry.” You laughed at the boy’s lack of social understanding.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I do want to get back at him, though. You guys want to hear about all the things he did with me over the years?” 21 heads nodded. “Well then, sit down and storytime will begin.”

Aizawa was looking at hell. Or at least a perfect replication of it in his homeroom class. You, standing in his spot and recounting everything he’s ever done with you, and his students, looking like they were practically engraving your words into their brains.

“What are you doing?” The children shrieked at his appearance. The fact that they didn’t realise he was there until he spoke up made Aizawa mentally note to increase their schoolwork in perception. It’s vital in Hero work, after all. You, on the other hand, aren’t even phased.

“What’s up, Mr Grinch? You somehow look more tired than this morning, what an accomplishment in uh… 8 hours.” He flicked your forehead for that, ignoring your yelp of pain. “This is a terrible way to treat your girlfriend!”

“And yet you haven’t broken up with me.” His students squealed and whistled at his comment. Acts which stopped as soon as he glared at them. “I’m back now, you said Eri needs to do her maths test.” He picked up the little girl from his desk and placed her on your folded arms, making sure she’s stable before letting go. 

“Alright, alright, we’re going. Did you guys have fun?” A chorus of “Yes!” nearly blasted yours and his eardrums off. Eri was saved thanks to Aizawa’s quick reflexes. He clasped his hands over her ears just in time. “Nice! Okay, we have to go now. Bye guys!” Another chorus of “Bye [Name]!” echoed. 

Your boyfriend followed you out of the classroom, patting Eri’s head while shooing you off. “I don’t have night patrol today.”

“That’s great! I bought some cake from that bakery around the corner. Brave through the day and come back to me in one piece, okay?” Your lips connected to his but he immediately pulled back at the screams from behind him. Nearly every single student had their face peeking out of the room, eyes glittering. “Oh oops.”

“Shit.”

[ricksroaches]

Y/N part 1 - Dysphoria ch. 5

pairing: Yoongi x Reader, OT7 x Reader (platonic)

summary: Y/N has an accident at a Halloween party that sends her further down the wrong path.

notes: Occasionally I'll make some grammatical errors on purpose for emotional emphasis so that's why. Also sorry this took so long I'm kinda going through some stuff right now.

word count: 16.9k

warnings: language, drugs, self harm, mental hospitalization, shitty parents, near drowning, anxiety attack, overdose, hospitalization, miscarriage, sedation

“Do you know why you’re here, Y/N?”

“Spare me. I’ve done this before.”

“I know you have. I’m simply asking if you understand that you need this.”

“I don’t.”

“You don’t understand?”

“No, I mean that I don’t need this.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I’ve already accepted that this is how I feel, and how I’ll keep feeling ‘til I die. No amount of talking it out and coping skills will change that.”

“Well, that’s not a very healthy way to look at it.”

“Yeah, no shit, but it works for me and I’d appreciate it if people didn’t waste their time trying to fix me so they can feel better about themselves.”

“I understand.”

“Obviously, you don’t. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.”

“I do. I’m not here to tell you what you're doing wrong. I’m here to figure out how and why you got to where you are.”

“What, you gonna pick apart my life and tell me where everything went wrong?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then what?”

“Well first, I’d like to go back and discuss your experience at St. Joseph’s.”

“I don’t really feel like talking about that.”

“Y/N, these sessions are mandatory. No matter how much you resist, we’re still stuck here, so you might as well take advantage of the time we still have.”

“…”

“Or, we could just here in silen-”

“Fine. Anything but that.”

~~~

8TH GRADE

The cold classroom was silent except for the steady tick of the clock on the wall. It was only third hour and Y/N already wanted to jump out a window. She’d long finished her classwork and homework, so she buried herself in her sketchbook. Drawing was always her safe place. She found it meditative being able to just turn off her brain and let the pencil map out her mind.

Everyone jumped a little when the intercom released its usual loud beep. “I need to see Y/N L/N in the office.” Her stomach fluttered at the chance to get out of class. “And tell her to bring her things.” She halted. What? She didn’t have any appointments that she knew of, and her parents weren’t the type to check her out for minor things. Her head pounded while she stuffed everything in her backpack with everyone, including her teacher, watching her.

Backpack slung over one shoulder, she made her way down the bland cream and blue hallway that she’d spent the last three miserable years in. Jimin was her best friend all through elementary school, but he switched to a private school, leaving her to fend for herself in a new school of unfamiliar faces. He didn’t want to leave her, but the school she was going to didn’t have a dance department, and his mom had convinced him to go. By the time she found out that the school in question had the best arts program in the district, it was too late. There was no way her parents could afford to send her there anyway.

She’d be lying if she said she was happy he was pursuing his dream. Making friends wasn’t an easy task, Jimin was always the one that did the talking. So she settled for whoever cared enough to give her the time of day. There was only one person she was actually close enough with to hang out outside of school, Abigail. To say she was the dominant one in their relationship would be an understatement. Whatever Abi said, went. Whatever Abi wanted, she got. Whatever she wanted to do, Y/N was dragged along whether she liked it or not. She didn’t mind that much. It was better than no one.

The office door came into view, and she ran over every possible circumstance in her head before opening it. Her parents stood by the front desk. Her dad was clutching her mom’s trembling hand. “Mom? Dad? What’s going on? Did somebody die??”

“No, everything’s fine. We’ll explain on the way.” Her dad took it upon himself to answer.

“Uh...o-kay?”

The second her dad pulled the car onto the road, her mom turned around to face her. “I don’t really know how to start this, so I’m just going to say it. I was cleaning your room last week and found something.”

“What?” She pulled an old DVD case from the glove box and set it in Y/N’s lap. Every single defense mechanism in her body went off at once as she gawked at the image of a black bobbed Uma Thurman laying on a bed with racey magazines, puffing on a cigarette. Her favorite movie. But she knew it wasn’t the inappropriate film that her parents were concerned about. She slid the plastic sheath off to reveal-. They weren’t there.

“Looking for these?” Her mom held up her palm stacked with the razor blades she’d tucked behind the cover. Y/N’s face turned a sickly white, her mouth opening and closing to think of something to say. Her mind was moving so fast her words couldn’t keep up. She had nothing.

“Really? You have nothing to say for yourself?” She subconsciously pulled down her sweater sleeves. Her mom snatched her wrist and yanked the knit fabric back. “How could you do this to yourself?” She turned her arm to make her look at the pale pink and red lines that peppered all the way up her arm. “This is going to stay on you forever. What do you expect people to think when summer comes?”

Y/N dropped her head against the headrest and squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. Of all the scenarios she thought of, this wasn't one of them. This had to be a dream. It had to be. She tried to pull her arm away and her mom let go, letting it fall to her side. She turned to her dad with a look that screamed, Say something! He simply shook his head in disappointment.

The car was silent for a long time before she finally mustered the strength to open her mouth. “W-where are we going...?”

“A Catholic youth center.”

“A youth center?”

“Yes. They offer great adolescent counseling.”

“But I don't want to.” She crossed her arms defensively.

“Y/N, we just want to get you help, but we can’t do this on our own.” Her dad finally spoke up.

“It’s a nice place. Sister Adrianne from church volunteers there.” Her mom added.

They turned into the parking lot of an old fashioned brick building decorated with stained glass and white molding. She could smell the Catholicism from here. A black suit, white collared man was waiting for them at the entrance once they’d found a parking space. His wire rimmed glasses caught the late morning sun, shining it right in Y/N’s eyes. That alone was enough to make her scowl. “Hello, I’m Father McCarthy, you must be the L/Ns.” Her parents exchanged pleasantries with him before he led them into the lobby.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of the room was a marble statue of St. Joseph, patron saint of children. Y/N scoffed to herself. She hated this place already. The priest spun on his heels to face the family. “If you don’t mind, I was hoping to have a word with Miss Y/N before the tour.” They looked at each other, shrugged, and nudged the poor girl out to him. “It won’t take but a minute.” He said before cupping her shoulder and steering her through the lobby to a set of backdoors.

Outside was a meditation garden that spanned farther than she could see. Cobblestone paths twisted and turned around rose bushes and vines of ivy. The steady flow of the fountain at the center gave the air a calming ambience. Y/N was anything but calm. “Why are we here?”

“I thought maybe a look at the garden would suit your nerves.” He caught her confused stare and laughed lightly. “Your mask is thick, strong, but I can see deeper than most.”

“I appreciate the effort, but it takes more than some pretty flowers to make me feel better. Are we done?” He sighed and checked his watch.

“I suppose. Right this way.” He placed a guiding hand on her back and steered them to the path out of the garden and inside. Her stride slowed when she saw her parents standing in the lobby, a suitcase in her dad’s hand. Her suitcase. A man in white scrubs took it from him and carried it in the other direction. Everything clicked.

¨No…” She breathed, her head mindlessly shaking. She stepped back and bumped into something firm and whipped around. Another man in the same white uniform towered over her. His face was gentle but his jacked body told a completely different story. His hand clamped onto her bicep. “No, no, no, nonoNONO!” She frantically looked to her parents, who were standing at the exit with pain stricken faces. Her mom buried her head into him while she heard her daughter being dragged away kicking and screaming by two nurses. She’d never forget the final words she caught before she disappeared behind a set of swinging doors.

“I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!”

~~~

“Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Did you ever forgive your parents?”

“I tried, but she ruined it.”

“How?”

~~~

Y/N followed her screaming, cussing mom through the house as she took trips from her room to the porch, tossing her belongings out onto the lawn.

She’d found her stash.

“Mom! Stop it! This is childish!” she stopped in her tracks and whipped around to face her daughter.

“CHILDISH?!” She took an aggressive step forward. “I’LL TELL YOU WHAT”S CHILDISH! STEALING FROM YOUR OWN PARENTS TO BY DRUGS!” Y/N threw her hands into her hair and tugged at her scalp.

“It’s just weed! And I bought it with my own money! It’s not like I’m doing crack!” She looked to her dad sitting in his chair in the corner of the living room, observing the whole debacle. “Dad? Help?” He gave her a look of surrender. Not my call. Her mom disappeared back into her room.

“IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU’RE DOING!” Her mom shouted as she threw another handful of clothes out the door. “AFTER ALL THE MONEY WE SPENT ON YOU AND YOU GO AND BUY DRUGS?! IT’S LIKE YOU CHOOSE TO BE MISERABLE!” Y/N pounded across the floorboards and got nose to nose with her.

“OH, I’M SO SORRY YOU HAD TO PAY TO THROW YOUR OWN DAUGHTER IN A PSYCH WARD BECAUSE NOT HAVING A NORMAL KID WAS TOO HARD FOR YOU! AND I’M SORRY YOUR HUSBAND WAS TOO PUSSY TO STOP YOU! AND YOU KNOW WHAT’S MAKING ME MISERABLE?! YOU!”

“THEN GET THE FUCK OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Her mom shoved her by the shoulders into the wall.

“FINE!” Y/N stomped to her room and grabbed her backpack, stuffing in as many necessities as she could. She threw it over her shoulder and blew past her still fuming (and still cussing) mom. “Good fucking riddance!” she shouted over her shoulder. She swiped her car keys from the bowl and slammed the front door behind her so hard she heard a line of books topple to the floor inside. The lock on the door clicked and the curtains at the front of the house were hastily drawn.

She lividly gathered her clothes and suitcase strewn about the grass and crammed them into her shitty grey Corolla wherever they could fit. She dropped into the driver's seat and ripped the car out of the driveway and down the dimly lit street.

She crashed at Jimin’s for a bit while she looked for a place. Abi was long gone by then. Back when she was at St. Joseph’s, she’d called Abi for comfort, but what she didn’t know was that she happened to be at a sleepover, and that she’d put her on speaker. It didn’t take long for Y/N to hear a muffled giggle from the other end, and it was safe to say their friendship died the second she slammed the hospital phone receiver back onto its hook.

She didn’t need her anymore. Not with Jimin coming back for high school. He begged his mom to let him go to public school so he could be with Y/N again. What managed to convince her was the impressive dance team the school boasted.

Within the first week away from home, a packet of government documents for her emancipation arrived in her parents’ mail. She was surprised to receive a phone call from her attorney the next day, saying he already received the pettily signed forms and that they’d been filed with the district court. That was it. In a few months, she would be legally on her own. Sixteen years old and on her own.

~~~

“Good. That was good. I know that wasn’t the easiest thing to say, just know that it’s a step in the right direction.”

“Whatever. Are we done?”

“I suppose.”

~~~

Y/N sat on Yoongi’s lap while she painted his hairline into a V and thickened his sideburns into a more boxy shape. His hair was slicked back and he sported a suit and bolo tie. It didn’t take much to convince him to dress as Vincent and Mia from Pulp Fiction for Halloween. She bit the inside of her red painted lips while she cleaned up the edges of his widow’s peak with a steady hand.

It was a lot weirder than Yoongi expected to see her in a wig. The silky black bob made it feel like a complete stranger was parked on his thighs. Her unbuttoned white blouse and wide-bottomed slacks the complete opposite of her usual style. The only thing about her that was the same as he always loved were her eyes. He admired the e/c orbs that flicked back and forth in concentration, oblivious of his gaze.

“I think I’m done.” She leaned back and moved his face side to side to make sure his sideburns were even. “Yeah, you're good to go.” She gave his cheek two solid pats and climbed off his lap to get her shoes. He stood from her bed and checked himself out in her full length mirror. His hair had grown out quite a bit. Long enough to brush the back of his neck when he turned his head. He didn’t think he’d like how he looked with this hair, but it was quickly growing on him.

Y/N came up from behind and wrapped her arms around his torso. She peaked her head around his shoulder to admire his look put together. “If I didn’t know a better word, I’d say you look hot right now.” He caught her eye in the mirror with a smirk as he smoothed back his hair once last time.

“I think,” He pulled her in front of him to see her reflection, “I should be the one saying that.” He slid his hands up her shirt and adjusted the black bralette hidden underneath that had been wrinkled from her hunching over him. Her skin tingled under his large, warm hands. That asshole. He did that on purpose. He dipped his head to be even with hers. “Now, we should go before I mess up that lipstick of yours.”

~~~

Jin leaned against the kitchen counter and surveyed the frat house filled with college and high school students alike. Cobwebs stretched over every corner and fog machines gave the air a dark, heavy look. He always loved throwing his annual Halloween party. It was his favorite holiday other than his birthday. Couples cutely matching, friends coordinating costumes, comedians in gag outfits, and almost every girl wearing a sexy version of what we all dressed as kids. He loved any excuse to dress up.

He wore a loose white tunic and black slacks, his defining piece was the pink and blue diamond printed coat hanging from his shoulders. Howl from, only his favorite movie ever, Howl’s Moving Castle. He watched that shit like it was his job.

“Damn, do you need a maid? I’m not an old lady, but I can cook and clean.” He spun and met a smirking Jimin. His white dress shirt was unbuttoned, black tie loosened, hair tousled, and red lipstick marks trailed from his chest all the way to his cheeks. Jin eyed the scene with visible concern. “Relax, this is my costume. I have a little class.”

“Oh, thank God.” Jin laughed.

“Although some of these are courtesy of some lovely ladies here tonight.” He turned to show the words “KISS ME” written on his back in big letters.

“How did you even get them to agree to do that?” Jimin flashed a proud smile.

“It was easy. Girls aren’t threatened by me. Being part gay is great, you get the best of both worlds!” Jins phone buzzed in his pocket.

Thing 1: Me and Yoongi are about to pull up

Jin smiled at his screen and typed a quick response.

“Who’s Thing 2?” He turned to the younger looking over his shoulder.

“You.” Before Jimin could offer a rebuttal, Jungkook squeezed out of the crowd and nested at his side, beer in hand.

“There’s my Ponyboy!” Jimin gave him a slap on the back. Jungkook's hair was greased back with a single curl hanging on his forehead. His white t-shirt and jeans matched well with Yoongi’s leather jacket that he lended for the occasion. “Doesn’t he scream Ponyboy vibes?”

“I’ll admit it,” Jin added, “he does.” Jungkook took a sip of his beer to hide his embarrassment. He never liked being the center of attention.

The front door burst open to reveal Taehyung, clad in a full face of clown makeup, green hair, and a purple and yellow suit. “WHAT’S POPPIN’ ASS WIPES!!!” He marched inside and made a beeline to the three with Jiwoo in tow. Her skunk stripes were in pink and blue pigtails and her black and red corset top and tights hugged her slim figure. “GUESS WHO HAS A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!” He laced his fingers with hers and lifted her arm triumphantly in the air. She hid her face bashfully with her free hand. Jimin gasped.

“Shut. Up. You're joking!” Tae flashed a boxy grin.

“No, I’m Joker.” Jiwoo slapped him in the arm.

“Yes, he’s for real.” She answered on his behalf. Jimin and Jin exchanged dramatic, wide-eyed looks and threw their arms around the new couple.

“We did it! He’s off the streets!”

“He’s off the streets!”

“I’m off the streets!”

Jiwoo watched the three jump in circles with their arms linked like a bunch of kids who were told they’re going to McDonald’s. Yeah, she made the right choice.

The front door opened again, not flying off the hinges this time, and Y/N stepped in with Yoongi flush against her back. She spotted the group in the kitchen and threw her arms up. “Heyyyyy!!!!” Taehyung turned with an ecstatic smile and bounded over, pulling her off the ground in a big bear hug.

“Y/N GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT!”

“What?” she gasped under his grip. He dropped her and gripped her shoulders.

“I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!” Both Yoongi and Y/N’s faces lit up.

“WHAT?! TAE, OH MY GOD YOU'RE OFF THE STREETS!” She clapped her hands together giddily and threw her arms back around his neck.

“I KNOW! THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE ELSE SAID!”

“Okay, okay, break it up.” Yoongi pried the two children apart and steered them to the kitchen. On the way, he leaned into Tae’s ear and whispered, “I trust you, but I’ll say this anyway. You hurt her, I hurt you.” He snapped out of his scary tone when Jimin came and pulled Y/N into a hug and kissed both her cheeks.

“Ahh! You two look so hot together! Best couple costume ever!” Yoongi never minded how close they were. He knew about their brief fling before he came along, but he trusted her when she said it was all in the past.

Y/N’s excited squeal broke through his thoughts. She booked it for Jungkook to gush over his costume. “Kookie! You look so friggin’ cute!!” She played with the piece of hair hanging on his forehead and fixed a few loose strands. He smiled at his feet and fiddled with his jacket zipper. “Come on, gimme a spin!” He sheepishly did a 360 to give her a full look at his outfit.

“I’ll be damned,” Yoongi added, “you almost look better in that jacket than I do.” Jungkook hid his face behind his hands. He couldn’t control the big ass grin plastered on his face.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him all night!” Jimin cut in, fists on his hips. She squeezed past him and Jungkook to say hi to Jiwoo and Jin.

The eldest boy pulled her into a sweet hug, his coat draping partially over her back. He leaned back to catch her eye. “How are you? You doing okay?” Jin, ever the mom.

The truth was, she wasn’t. Her situation with the pills was getting out of hand. What started out as a party topper, became a full blown addiction. She hated the person she had become. If she didn’t get her fix, she’d turn into a monster, snapping at anyone and everyone if they rubbed her the wrong way.

The moment she realized she had a problem was when Jungkook tried to approach her at school on one of her bad days. She ended up punching her locker with enough force to turn heads. The cold, unsympathetic eyes of the complete stranger that took her place bore into him before storming off. Tears welled in his eyes and he was frozen in place. All he asked was if he could help.

She scared him, and she'd never forgive herself for it. Even after he did.

She put on her best convincing smile and patted Jin’s chest. “I’m fine, you shouldn’t be worrying about me.” He searched her eyes for a crack in the facade, but he saw none. A warm smile played on his lips and he gave her a kiss on the head before turning her loose. She immediately pivoted to Jiwoo, trying to change the subject.

“Now I’m no DC expert, but I’m pretty sure you two are from different movies.” She gestured to the couple. “Tae, I know you’re from the Dark Knight, but I've never seen Harley in this hot ass outfit before.” Jiwoo chuckled and shuffled in her knee length boots.

“I’m actually Harley from Arkham Knight, a video game. It’s my favorite look of hers.” Y/N gave her another up and down, nodding her head.

“It’s great ‘cus Harley wasn’t in The Dark Knight, so she could be any version she wanted.” Tae commented.

“Except Suicide Squad.” Jiwoo added.

“Except Suicide Squad.” He echoed. “That movie was a disgrace.”

“Hey,” Y/N slapped Jimin on the arm, “Is Hobi here yet? I need a little...” She tapped the side of her nose. He giggled and pointed to the loft on the second floor.

“He was up there last I saw him. Have at it.” She made her way back to Yoongi and went on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck.

“Go ahead and make yourself a drink. I’ll be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.” She said seductively in her best Mia Wallace voice. Her index and middle fingers walked up his chest and dragged across his shoulder as she walked past him.

The loft was surprisingly hard to get to being that it was clogged with partygoers. She finally managed to squeeze through and fall to the floor, her face inches from a pair of sharp-toed dress shoes. She followed the white suit up to the face peering down at her. “The floor is no place for you, Mrs. Wallace.” A hand gripped her forearm and hoisted her to her feet with ease. At the other end of the arm holding her, was Hoseok’s beaming smile. The pointed collar of his black dress shirt was folded over the lapel of his suit.

“Saturday Night Fever?” He nodded. “Yay, now I have two John Travolta’s.” She took her arm from his hold and fixed her bangs.

“I think I might know why you’re here.” He inquired

“You would be correct, sir.” He chuckled.

“Follow me.”

He led her to a couch at the edge of the loft that overlooked the sea of costumes below. There was so much smoke in the air it was impossible to tell if it came from the fog machines or someone’s lungs. They plopped onto the cushions and he went to work cutting lines on a mirror laid on the coffee table. “So how’s life?”

“Eh, I've been better.” She let herself slip a little. Talking to Hoseok was easy. She liked being able to tell him some heavier things because he never pressed for more information. He accepted what he was given and took it in stride. She leaned forward and grabbed an almost empty bottle of cherry vodka and finished it off.

“I feel ‘ya. Soccer practice is really starting to get to me. Just gotta take it day by day, my friend.” He slid the mirror to her side and handed her a rolled up bill. “Here.”

“Thank you, good sir.” She plucked the makeshift tube from his fingers and dipped her head to sniff up the pristine white line. The feeling hit her instantly. A huge smile spread across her face and her whole body felt like it was floating among the smoke clouds.

“Good?” She couldn’t find the words, so she gave him a simple thumbs up. Their moment was cut short when Taehyung’s booming voice cut through the music and conversation.

“EVERYONE! OUR BELOVED QUARTERBACK, NAMJOON KIM, IS OFFICIALLY OFF THE MARKET!”

“WHAT?!” They shouted in unison. With a quick shared look, they scrambled down the stairs and through the cheering crowd. Taehyung was standing, red cup in hand, on the thick mantle of the fireplace at the head of the room. “Jesus fucking Christ.” She mumbled as they watched Jiwoo weave through the mob to pull him down.

“There he is!” Hoseok pointed to the head of brown hair that poked above everyone else. He pulled her along behind him, using his strength to cut through the congestion. When they broke through the wall of bodies, the entire friend group was gathered on the massive sectional couch at the center of the room. She picked the couple from the cluster and her jaw dropped.

“No fucking way. Cheyenne?!”

“Yes way.” Jimin chimed. The girl in question was perched on the arm of the couch next to Namjoon. Her amber eyes lit up when she recognized Y/N standing there.

“Y/N?!” She jumped up and crashed her body into hers with a crushing embrace. “Oh my God you grew up so much!! You’re not a little shrimp anymore!”

“I haven’t seen you since what? Fifth grade?” Cheyenne’s smile flashed white against her sepia skin. They were rather close in elementary until she moved away before middle school. She was the extrovert that found her and acted almost like a mother to her. Cheyenne was the one that cracked Y/N’s shell.

“I know, girl! We moved back and I’m going to Westview!”

“Westview?! I go to Westview!” Her eyes widened.

“What?! How come I haven’t seen you at school?” Y/N chuckled.

“I make myself very hard to spot.”

“She’s right,” Yoongi added, coming to stand beside her, “took me forever to track her down to talk to her for the first time.” He handed her a solo cup of vodka cranberry and she gave his hand an affectionate squeeze. Cheyenne’s hand flew to her chest.

“I’m gonna cry. My baby’s all glown up and she got herself a man!” She dramatically fanned her eyes. Her long false lashes almost reached her brows when she looked to the ceiling. Her box braids were twisted into space buns on either side of her head and her long, flowing white dress cinched at the waist and had a slit running up to reveal her muscular leg.

Y/N peaked over her shoulder at Namjoon. His long sleeved, tan v-neck and black vest made everything click. “Oh my god! Han Solo and Leia! That’s so fucking cute!”

“Can you guess whose idea it was?” Cheyenne cocked an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder at him, who blushed and gave a little finger wave. What a man baby. She took her seat back by him and Y/N and Yoongi sat on the couch across from them.

“So how did you guys meet?” The couple shared a humored look.

“Remember that bloody nose I said I got in P.E. a couple weeks ago?” Namjoon asked.

“Yeah?” Cheyenne proudly raised her hand.

“That was me. It was girls vs boys in dodgeball and I nailed him in the face.” Y/N would expect nothing less from her. Even in elementary, Cheyenne was the best softball player she’d ever seen. That girl had an arm like a cannon.

“She walked with me to get ice and we kinda just got to know each other along the way.”

“Awwww~” Jimin and Taehyung swooned.

“As much as I hate to break up the moment, I'm trying to get fucked up tonight.” Y/N finally said once the conversation died down. “Chey, do you,” She put her thumb and index finger to her lips and puffed on an imaginary joint, “partake?”

Cheyenne raised an eyebrow at her. She wasn’t surprised Y/N had turned to drugs. That girl had issues from the very start. “Of course I do, who the fuck do you think I am?” Smirks cracked the pair’s lips and they shared a mischievous look for the first time in a long time.

~~~

Y/N, Yoongi, Cheyenne, Namjoon and Jimin gathered on the sofa by the swimming pool filled with splashing guys and girls stripped down to their underwear. Which was insane given that it was basically November and the water was 70 degrees at most. Yoongi placed a thick blunt between his lips and flicked his Zippo lighter, casting a brief warm glow on his face. He expertly cupped his hand against the flame and got a good burn going, then snapped the lighter closed against his thigh. The blunt cherried bright orange when he took a colossal hit, letting the smoke roll out of his nose in plumes before passing it to Y/N. She gathered a thick cloud in her mouth and let it float out to inhale through her nose. The milky reverse waterfall flowed into her nostrils like a yellow tinted nebula. The THC hit her already intoxicated brain, sending her further into the couch.

Jimin took his two puffs quickly and passed it on. On her turn, Cheyenne blew a single smoke ring and ran her finger down the middle to make it a heart, sending it floating into Namjoon’s face.

“Cute.” He said sarcastically as he took the blunt from her manicured nails and drew a long hit. “I don’t know any tricks so you’re just gonna have to deal with my boring ass.”

“We’ve been dealing with your boring ass for years.” Y/N deadpanned, earning a series of laughs from the group.

The blunt made its way around the circle back to Yoongi for the third time, and it was starting to reach its end. “Have you two smoked together before?” He questioned the new couple. They looked at each other and shook their heads. “Well then,” he clapped his hands together and plucked the blunt from his lip, “it’s customary that new couples christen the relationship by shotgunning.”

“What?” Namjoon’s brows knit together in confusion.

“Come on Joon, you’ve hung around us this long and you still don’t know what shotgunning is?” Y/N spoke up. He threw his hands up in defense.

“Hey! I’ve only ever heard it mentioned. No one ever told me what it actually was!” Yoongi huffed a chuckle.

“Watch and learn.” He puffed on the blunt and trapped the smoke in his mouth. His hand went to the back of Y/N’s neck and pulled her into a kiss, slowly delivering the cloud to her lungs. They parted, and white fog poured from her lips. “Now you try.” He handed him the blunt. Namjoon pocketed a good bit in his cheeks and cupped Cheyenne’s jaw. He pressed a light kiss on her full lips, transferring the smoke to her.

“Like that?” Yoongi and Y/N gave him an approving nod with a shared smirk.

“Consider us properly christened.” Cheyenne quipped. Before anything else could be said, a guy popped out from the sliding doors leading inside.

“AYE! WE GOT JELLO SHOTS IN HERE!”

“Oh fuck yes!” Y/N lept up, not giving herself time to ride out the head-rush that blacked out her senses and made a beeline inside. Yoongi watched her stumble through the glass doors and disappear in the crowd with visible torment.

“You good?” Cheyenne’s robust voice broke through his inner turmoil.

“Yeah.” He kept his gaze on the spot he lost sight of her in, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

~~~

Six Jello shots, two shotgunned beers with Taehyung, another rip from Hoseok, and a bonus sniff of crushed oxy in the bathroom later, Y/N was completely, totally, and utterly wrecked. She had to hold onto the walls and furniture for dear life to make her way outside. It had been almost an hour since she left Yoongi, so it was about time she found him.

The pool was a little less crowded and she could see her reflection on the surface. It’s hair was wild, clothes wrinkled, lipstick faded. Stars twinkled across the ripples, drawing her gaze up to the sky. She walked along the edge of the pool as she admired the lights that dotted the heavens. Her feet stopped their ambling to match the two sets of pictures in her vision back in place. The luring abyss of the sky gave a sharp contrast to the glimmering lights. Everything in her peripheral melted into the darkness that blanketed her view, and the frigid water rushed up to meet her.

It sounded like any other splash. Yoongi didn’t think anything of it. People had been jumping in and out of the pool all night.

“Hey, wasn’t that your girlfriend?” He turned to see a random girl standing behind his seat. His brows furrowed.

“What?” She pointed behind her to the steady bubbles that rose to the surface of the water.

“She was walking on the edge and just keeled-” He rocketed out of his chair and shoved her out of the way. He stripped off his coat mid sprint and dove head first into the jarring water without a second thought.

The water blurred his vision, but he could make out Y/N’s body steadily sinking to the bottom of the pool. He kicked as hard as he could and propelled himself deeper and deeper until he could reach her. His hand gripped her fuzzy wrist and pulled her up to him. Arm around her waist, he swam towards the light with powerful strokes from his three free limbs.

They broke the surface and he swung his head side to side to rid the hair from his eyes. He hooked an elbow over the edge for support while he lugged her unconscious figure out of the water.

“What the fuck?” Taehyung stood dumbly at the sliding door looking out, joint hanging between his lips.

“Get her, get her!” Yoongi grunted. Taehyung rushed over and hooked his hands under her shoulders. With one big tug, he dragged her onto the cement. Her upper body rested in his lap while Yoongi hauled himself out of the pool and scrambled to her side. He pressed his ear to her chest, listening for a pulse in agonizing suspense. The breath he was holding exploded out of his chest when he heard the familiar beats. Taehyung held his finger under her nose.

“She’s breathing.” The adrenaline left Yoongi’s system, taking every ounce of his energy along with it. He collapsed onto his back next to her, gasping for air. The sliding door opened and closed.

“Tae? Why’d you- holy fuck!” Jiwoo came rushing to his side and looked over Y/N’s soaked frame. The black wig was long gone, leaving her h/c mane splayed on the wet cement. The water turned them into a dark mass of limp waves, dulling their natural brilliance. “What happened?!”

“Fell…” Yoongi huffed, “…didn't hear...splash.” His heaving breaths spaced out his words into incoherent fragments. By now, a few heads turned to watch the scene, but most everyone else was too drunk to notice there was even a problem. Jiwoo jumped up.

“I'll go find some towels.” She disappeared back inside and came out not long after with Jin and Jimin carrying thick, blue towels in their arms. Jin immediately dropped to his knees, wrapping it around her soaked body and hugged her to his chest like an infant.

“Is she okay?” He asked apprehensively.

“Yeah. I think so.” Taehyung answered for Yoongi, who was tweaking and on the verge of an anxiety attack. The first one in nearly two years. His heart clamped in his chest and despite the biting cold, his trembling body was drenched in sweat.

Switching to mom mode, Jin snapped his fingers at Jimin, who was staring at the scene before his wasted eyes. “Jimin, wrap Yoongi up and try to calm him down. You,” he pointed to Taehyung, “go find Jungkook. He’s the only one who’ll know if she’s actually okay.” The three, Jiwoo following Taehyung, jumped to work on their tasks.

Jimin draped the towel over his figure as best he could given he was laying flat on his back and there was no getting him to sit up. Yoongi’s eyes darted back and forth, pinballing against his peripheral in all different directions. “Yoongi? Yoongi, I need you to look at me okay?” He sandwiched his face between his hands and tried to catch his eyes. Yoongi shook his head rapidly, eyes still all over the place. “I need you to listen to me. If you can’t look at me then close your eyes.” He squeezed them shut in hopes the roaring panic in his system wouldn’t be able to find him. “I’m gonna press on your chest, and I need you to push back, okay?” He didn't show any kind of response, so Jimin went ahead. He placed both palms against his hyperventilating chest and applied a gentle pressure that compelled him to take longer breaths. “You can breathe, it's okay. Feel that pressure? That’s air filling up your chest. You’re not suffocating, you have plenty of air. You’re okay.” He repeated the affirmations like a mantra. “Deep breaths. Push against my hands for as long as you can.” His chest pressed against his hands again and again, each breath growing deeper and longer. “There you go.”

The sliding door ripped open and Taehyung had Jungkook by the elbow, all but dragging him across the ground. Jungkook yanked his arm free. “What the hell is happening?!”

“You didn’t tell him?!” Jin shouted. Jungkook’s frustration disintegrated when his eyes landed on Y/N wrapped in Jin’s arms and Jimin bent over Yoongi splayed out on the ground.

“I was in a hurry, okay?! I couldn’t think of the words!” Taehyung retorted. Jungkook pointed a shaky finger at her, flashes of a life without her sent his anxiety through the roof.

“Is...is she?”

“No, she’s not dead.” Jin answered his unasked question. “We need you to check her and see if anything’s wrong that we didn’t catch.” Thank God. He could live again.

“Why me?” A stupid question, honestly.

“Because you’re the closest thing we have to a doctor, now get your ass down there and do your thing!” Taehyung gave him an urgent nudge. Jungkook hesitantly knelt by Jin’s side. It almost felt wrong seeing her in such a vulnerable state.

“U-uh...okay. You found a good pulse, right?”

“Yeah, but you need to be the judge of that.” He swallowed hard and pressed two fingers to her neck. “Well?”

“Her pulse is fine, and from the looks of it, her brain is getting enough oxygen.” He pointed at her lips, which were coming back to a healthy peach. “If she wasn’t, her lips and fingernails would be blue.”

“Is she okay?” Yoongi’s raspy voice was barely audible over the din of the party. Jimin managed to wrap the towel around him and his breath was nearing back to normal. The occasional twitch jolted his muscles from the lingering bad high.

“Yeah, just keep her warm and she’ll be fine.” Yoongi’s head fell back against the ground in relief. “Just make sure she stays on her side all night so she doesn’t aspirate.”

“Aspirate?” Jimin inquired.

“Suffocate on her own vomit.”

“Christ. That doesn’t happen a lot does it?” Taehyung asked.

“Enough to have a word for it.”

The door slid open yet again and out came Namjoon, Cheyenne, and Hoseok. “Jiwoo told us what happened. Are you sure she’s okay?” Hoseok spoke first.

“Jungkook said she should be.” Jin replied. “I’m gonna take her home and watch her for the night. Just in case.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

Namjoon carried Y/N in his arms to Jin’s car and laid her down in the backseat, taking care that she was propped on her side. Yoongi and Jin came to the car soon after, the latter carrying a hastily packed duffle bag.

“Yoongi, sit with her in the back and keep her from rolling over.” Jin ordered. The younger gladly climbed into the backseat and readjusted her head on his lap. Jin dropped into the driver's seat and hooked an elbow over his rolled down window. “Joon, I trust you can handle things while I’m gone. I might not live here, but it’s still my party so make sure everyone gets the fuck out by 6.” Namjoon gave him two thumbs up and headed inside when Jin started the car.

~~~

Jin slid his copy of Y/N’s house key into the lock, and the deadbolt snapped open. He pushed the door in for Yoongi, who was carrying her up the steps. The clock on the microwave read 3:45. Surprisingly early for leaving a frat party. “I’m gonna change her into some dry clothes.” Yoongi said.

“Okay, make sure you guy’s hair is dry so you don’t catch a cold.” Yoongi rolled his eyes and disappeared into her bedroom. Jin helped himself to the closet of sheets and blankets and grabbed a pillow from the bottom shelf. Once he was happy with the nest he made on the couch, he slipped in the tiny guest bathroom to wash his face, change, and take his meds. High blood pressure. His mom always said it ran in the family.

A few minutes later, he emerged in a pair of Totoro pajama pants and a grey t-shirt. He eyed the kitchen cabinet that was always stocked with ramen. Yoongi’s gonna be starving when he’s done with her. He set out a pot on the stove and grabbed three packages from the cabinet. “Hey Yoongs,” he padded to her doorway, “I’m making ramen do you want beef or-” His voice quieted when he peeked inside and saw them both in bed. He’d changed her into one of his hoodies and tied her hair in a bun. He laid behind her, arms seatbelting her to his torso, fast asleep. Without context, it was a heartwarming scene. Jin's lips formed a small smile and he eased the door shut, careful not to wake him. “Goodnight guys~”

He plopped onto the couch and plugged his phone into the charger that ran across the floor to reach the coffee table. The second his head hit the pillow he felt himself being pulled under by the current of sleep. He wondered to himself, what was going on in Y/N’s head that was so bad she nearly died just to get away from. She’d never lost control like that before. At least not bad enough for Yoongi to have a whole anxiety attack over. Whatever it was, he prayed it was nothing too horrible because he knew no matter how much he’d try to help, there was no getting anything out of her. That scared him. Hell, it terrified him not two hours ago. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind for the time being, and let his lids droop until sleep overtook him.

~~~

NOVEMBER 9TH

“Haaaaappy Biiiirthdayyyy tooo youu~! Haaappy Birthdaaayy tooooo youuuuu~! Happy Biiirthday dear Yoongiiiiiiii~!” The birthday boy buried his face in his hands out of sheer embarrassment while the group drunkenly sang around the cake in front of him. “Happy Birthdayyy toooooo yooouuuuuuuuuu~!” A birthday party, his worst nightmare. He was never one for birthdays, his family didn’t have the money for that kind of luxury. Every year, his dad would just gift him a pack of cigarettes, grab him by the collar, and give the same drunken speech about how he needs to toughen up if he’s gonna survive in the real world. Y/N carded her fingers through his hair to get it out of his face.

“Make a wish, Yoongi.” Her gentle touch was enough to coax him back to reality. He lifted his face from his hands and studied the three joints stuck into the frosting as candles. He thought for a minute then leaned in and blew the tiny flames out in one breath. Their cheers bounced off the old, bare walls of the abandoned house. Everyone was there, even Cheyenne.

“Finally!” Taehyung and Hoseok pounced on the cake and plucked off the “candles” before ash fell on the frosting. The cake was white with colorful piping on the edges and pink flowers dotting the sides. It was obviously for a kid, which was most likely the reason Y/N and Jiwoo chose it. The room quickly filled with wispy clouds of smoke courtesy of Tae, Hobi, Jimin, and Cheyenne.

“Holy shit!” Cheyenne’s hand flew to her mouth to cover her grin and pointed at Yoongi and Y/N.

“What?” She asked.

“Yoongi’s 18 now! You guys can’t fuck!” Y/N turned bright red and hid her face behind her hands.

“2 months, 17 days and...” Yoongi checked the time on his phone, “10 hours.” He sighed. The time until her 18th birthday. She got held back a year in kindergarten after a nasty case of pneumonia. So, technically, she should’ve been a senior by now. But then she never would’ve met Jimin. Or Cheyenne for that matter.

Y/N leaned her cheek on her fist and observed the spectacle. Her natural smile slowly faded, and corners of her lips grew heavier and heavier. She could feel the curtain of despair lowering over her, suffocating the enjoyment out of the otherwise jubilant moment. The all too familiar mentality settled in her mind that she’d never be happy again, or see life as anything more than some sick joke. Not now. Not now, not now please… She tried to keep it together for everyone’s sake, but the tears were coming any second now.

Under the cover of the noise, she slipped away and into the bathroom on the other side of the house. She eased the door shut with a tiny click. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. The harder she pressed her lips together, the wetter her eyes became. She leaned against the sink, staring into the abyss of the rusty drain. Five hours. Five hours of sobriety and she was already a sobbing mess. She tried. She really did. She wanted to be sober for Yoongi’s birthday so she’d have the memories and not need to rely on pictures and stories the next day. Her and what little self preservation she had left were fighting a war against her demons. And she was losing. Five hours would soon turn to four, then three, then... She stopped from scaring herself any further.

She hurriedly fished out two Zoloft tablets from her black skinny jeans pocket. The bulge of the baggie was covered by her oversized, snow white sweater. Using her phone case to crush them and credit card to scrape the dust into a neat line, she bent down and snorted the powder in one quick sniff. Her head jerked up and she stared at the person in the mirror. Slowly but surely, her face relaxed, her smile returned, and everything felt okay again. She wiped the runny mascara from under her eyes and stepped out to return to the joyful madness.

~~~

DECEMBER

The heated architect’s office provided a welcome contrast to the biting cold outside. Y/N sat behind the receptionist desk, filing the last of a client’s paperwork so she could finally leave. Everyone else had left for the day, leaving her the task of locking everything up. After her emancipation, Jimin’s mom couldn’t have offered her a job at her office fast enough. Hell, she even offered for her to live with them permanently. The work was boring, but it paid better than any other part-time job ever would.

“Y/N!” Jimin quacked from the employee lounge down the hall. He’d tagged along after school to study for midterms with her in the downtime.

“WHAT!”

“ARE YOU DONE YET?!”

“ALMOST!” Were they yelling louder than necessary? Probably, their dynamic accepted nothing less. He popped his head around the corner, his body following suit. There wasn’t anything good to raid from the fridge, so he had nothing else to do but watch her lock up.

The phone on her desk rang, breaking the silence. “Fuck a duck! Do people not pay attention to business hours?!” She huffed aggressively and ripped the receiver off the hook. “Mijeong Park’s office, this is Y/N, how can I help you?” Her voice took a hard right to a bright, singsongy tone, and he had to bite his lip to not laugh. Hearing her speak in such a way he knew she hated brought him pure joy. On busy days it was like watching two personalities fight over their host. “Oh, I’m sorry she just left. Would you like to leave a message?” She grabbed a pen and jotted something down on a sticky note. “Uh-huh. Mhm...Alright, thank you!” She hung up and her face immediately fell back to its usual resting bitch face. She slipped on her coat and threw her messenger bag on her shoulder. “Okay, let’s go.”

~~~

The euphoric ring of the bell signaling that school was over washed over Y/N’s senses. She did it. Midterms were over. Granted, she didn’t study that hard, so she wasn’t expecting the best results. Oh well. C’est la vie. Now all she had was another week before winter break and she was home free.

Yoongi had work, Jimin had dance, Namjoon had football, Jungkook was with his family, and pretty much everyone else seemed to be busy when she texted each one to hang out. Whatever. She’d treat herself to something special.

The clock on her nightstand read 8:50 by the time Y/N stepped out of the steamy bathroom. She did everything; shave, exfoliate, lotion, face mask, hair mask. She scrunched her hair with a t-shirt until the curls were almost dry, leaving the rest of the water to soak into her roots. Yoongi’s Kendrick Lamar hoodie with the word “DAMN.” across the chest in big red letters kept her warm in the chilly apartment. She never used the heat system. It was cheaper and more comfortable to just bundle up. Her black sweatpants had the RIPNDIP cat giving the one finger salute on the side of one of the legs. There was no contest. They were her favorite pair.

The only light that filled her room was from the moon that poured through her open blinds. Long black shadows were projected over the space, giving it a strange yet aesthetically pleasing contrast. She shimmied under her bed to grab the shoe box shoved to the very back against the wall and tossed it on the bed. She climbed onto the mattress and sat legs crossed. The box was full of various paraphernalia she’d collected over the years. Digging to the very bottom, she pulled out a tiny baggie with two white tablets. They were bought a few weeks ago, but had been saved for a special occasion such as this.

She’d always been interested in trying Fentanyl. Just once. To satiate her curiosity. The pills crushed into power nicely. She cut and scraped a small line -- much smaller than the usual line of coke -- on her makeup mirror. This stuff was fifty times stronger than heroin. She wasn’t a complete idiot. Come on.

The line stared back up at her with a silent urgency. Now or never. She put the straw to her nose and snorted up the dust.

She waited.

Nothing.

She waited some more.

Still nothing.

A frustrated huff left her and she reached for her phone to cuss out the plug who had the audacity to sell her fake shit.

She reached for the phone.

The phone.

Get the phone.

Get the fucking phone.

Her mind completed the action time and time again but her body moved at a snail's pace. The last of her strength gave out and she collapsed onto the bed, only to realize, she’d been laying down the whole time. Woah.

A sedated smile spread ear to ear and a string of lazy, incoherent giggles made her diaphragm flutter. At that moment, the entire world shut the fuck up, and she was alone. Truly alone. It was just her inside her head. No depression, no anxiety, no trauma, no mommy issues. Nothing. Just her. It was like walking around in an empty mall. She had the entire world to herself. You know what would be great right now? Music.

She inched for her headphones.

Didn’t move.

She tried to focus on that singular action as hard as she could.

Didn’t move.

Okay...this isn’t really funny anymore.

She tried again.

Her muscles didn’t even flinch.

Tears pricked her eyes and her back broke into a cold sweat. Panic began to make its entrance as her eyes darted around the room for something, anything, that could help her. Her lungs struggled to replenish her oxygen leaving her chest in agony. She regressed back to the terrified, helpless little girl that she ran so far to lose.

She almost didn’t hear the knock at her door over the internal cacophony. She tried to listen for it to happen again. Maybe she was just hearing things. Sure enough, another knock split through the roaring static in her ears. Help! Please Dear God! I'm here! I’M IN HERE!

“Y/N?”

Jungkook.

Oh shit. No. No, no, no, no! Anyone but him!

“Y/N?” Every emotion that she’d freed herself from was dumped over her head like a bucket of ice water when, out of the corner of her eye, the door eased open. Jungkook’s silky head of black hair reflected the moonlight streaming through her window. He almost didn’t spot her from the glare. “Y/N? Are you okay? I felt bad that you were alone today, so I thought I’d stop by and check on you...” She made a barely audible, unintelligible sound. Attempting to raise her voice above a teensy whisper was an exercise in futility. His heart sank at her response. “Oh, you’re in the middle of something. I-I’ll just come back tomorrow.” He turned back around. Wait! No! Please don’t go! Forget what I said earlier! Help me please!

“..d-n’t g-o…” She scraped all the energy left in her body — from the top of her head to the tips of her toes — to say those two words.

Jungkook turned and stared at her stagnant figure. Wow. She must be really high. “Alright, come here.” He sat on the bed next to her and helped her sit up. Her head rested on his shoulder. His arm was the sole thing keeping her upright. He took a deep breath and thought about what he planned on telling her when he got there. He might as well practice now since she wouldn’t remember anyway.

“So uh...about me being with my family… That was a lie.”

“Mmm..?”

“I went on a date. Well, not really, but I really like her and I think she might like me too..” His cheeks blushed a little at the thought. “She’s a great friend, so if it doesn’t work out I hope we still have that.” He grew more confident with his words the more he talked about her. “I think you’d like her. She smokes weed and stuff for pain, but she does it recreationally too.” Her silence finally caught his attention after the mention of weed. He giggled a little. “Did you fall asleep?” When he turned to look down at her, she slipped past his shoulder and slumped onto the bed. The impact of the mattress didn’t stir her in the slightest. “Y/N?”

He shook her shoulder.

Nothing.

He shook harder, the familiar fear germinating in the pit of his stomach.

“Y/N?”

Nothing.

Fear festered into horror as each attempt failed. Tears blinded him while he turned her on her back and roughly patted her cheeks. “Y/N?! Y/N, wake up!” His heart dropped past his stomach and onto the floor. Her lips and fingernails had turned an unhealthy shade of indigo and her breathing was dangerously shallow. No. This wasn’t real. It had to be a nightmare. It had to be. “Please wake up!!” He couldn’t stop saying her name in hopes that it would somehow magically awaken her. Her declining state said otherwise.

“Don’t leave me!” He pulled her onto the floor and straddled her hips, pulling his phone out to dial 911 in the process. His hands lined up with one another over her heart and jumped into action pumping her heart for her.

“Just stay with me! Please!”

“Blood oxygen at 60%!”

Jungkook had to be ripped from Y/N’s body as the team of EMTs swarmed around her. One of them lifted her lid with a gloved finger and flashed a penlight in her eye.

“Pupils are constricted! I need 2mg of Narcan!”

He was shoved out of her room and forced to watch from the doorway while the first responders stuck her with needle after needle. They slipped an oxygen mask over her lifeless face. The world seemed to slow with every jagged breath he took. His eyes unfocused and his hearing grew fuzzy except for the faint sound of his hammering heart. All was quiet in the eye of the storm. Then, the air left. Every atom of oxygen was sucked from the world with no regard for his existence. He fell to his knees gripping his throat and chest, his lungs screaming for air.

“..........d!……..id!……..Hey, kid!” He was snapped back to reality when large hands pressed into his shoulders. He darted his red, watery eyes to the paramedic restraining him to the floor. “You need to calm down!” His kicking, screaming and crying had been silenced by the ringing in his ears. A sharp pinch pricked his side and before long, he stilled as a wave of serenity washed over him. It was like someone flipped his off switch.

“What… what did you give me..?”

“Just some Valium to help you relax.” He felt his body sink into the floor, being pulled further into the abyss of slumber. He fought his lids open despite their growing weight, but it was no use. They drooped closed and all the chaos and fear gave way to darkness.

The harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital pierced Jungkook’s lids pulling him back into consciousness. He was stretched out on a firm sofa with a simple heart monitor clipped to his fingertip in what looked like an ICU room. The soft beeping of an EKG drew his attention to the bed next to him. He got to his feet as fast as he could with the Valium still lingering in his system and raced to Y/N’s bedside. The bittersweet excitement of getting to see her went completely sour when he took in her state. She’d never looked so frail and delicate before. Dark circles sunk in her eyes with rings of yellow on their border giving the illusion of two black eyes. Her lips were chapped and bleeding. Countless tubes and IVs protruded from her body which only stressed the severity of her condition further. Yet, despite her broken appearance, she never looked so peaceful.

“Good. You’re up.” He spun around. The voice came from a doctor standing in the doorway clipboard in hand. “I’m Dr. Lobrano, I’m the one in charge of your friend’s case.”

“Is she okay?”

“She’s stable, but the stress overload caused her to slip into a coma so her body can heal itself to its full extent.” Jungkook’s face paled. “Now, I’m not saying it’s 100%, but most opioid coma patients wake up and make a full recovery. Physically, that is.” “How long will that take?” He took in a calculating breath.

“It’s hard to say. It could take three days or three weeks. Every case is different” His heart sank for the nth time that night. He looked over his shoulder at her motionless figure under the sheets. The only thing that told she was even alive was the soft, steady beep of the EKG. He could hardly bear to look at her. It was like seeing Superman fall from the sky. She was his Superman. Whether she believed it or not didn’t matter because it was true. “I hate to bother you during such a stressful time,” he pulled a pen out of his pocket protector, “but I need you to answer a few questions about our friend over there.” He pointed the end of the pen at her.

“U-um, okay.” Dr. Lobrano took a seat in the chair facing the sofa which Jungkook had retaken his seat on. He clicked the pen against his knee and held it at the ready.

“Next of kin?”

“Her parents, but she’s emancipated.” He nodded and silently jotted something on his clipboard.

“Siblings?”

“No.” He looked up.

“Extended family?” Jungkook opened mouth to answer when he realized -- she didn’t. She had no one. From what he’d caught over the years he knew her mom was an only child and her dad’s only brother died when he was in college. No aunts, no uncles, no cousins. No one.

“Not that I can think of. No.”

“Okay...any other significant relationships? We need someone to sign off on her paperwork and consent forms in case anything happens.”

“But it won’t, right?” He clicked his pen.

“As a medical professional, I’m legally obligated to tell my patients and their loved ones the truth. And the truth is, your friend over there took an almost lethal dose of Fentanyl. And with her age and weight? I consider myself a man of science, but that’s a miracle if I ever saw one. However, just because she made it past those first critical hours doesn’t mean there’s zero risk of other complications that may arise later on.” Jungkook nodded, trying to take in the information as stoically as possible. He didn’t want the doctor to see how he really felt on the inside.

“How old are you?”

“I’m sixteen, sir.”

“Do you have anyone you can call who’s at least eighteen that can sign for her?”

“Yeah, her…boyfriend” The weight of his circumstances hit him like a bus. The thought of anyone else hadn’t even crossed his mind until now. How the hell was he supposed to tell Yoongi that the only person keeping his life together was in a coma from almost killing herself?

“Then I suggest you give him a call as soon as possible, and if you don’t have any other questions I should finish making my rounds.” He gave a distant nod and was left alone with Y/N once again. His eyes were drawn back to the subtle rise and fall of her chest. A long sigh of anguish left his lips and he buried his face in his hands.

“What am I gonna do?”

~~~

Jungkook stared at Yoongi’s contact in his phone. His thumb hovered over the call button. He knew he was about to hurt him worse than anyone ever has in his life. It was going to kill him. He forced his thumb down on the screen. The dial tone counted down the seconds before the heartbreak. It stopped after three rings.

“Hello?”

“....”

“Kook?”

“Yoongi…” His voice began to quiver, “Yoongi, something bad happened.”

~~~

Jiwoo laid in bed on her stomach with her feet swishing in the air. She held her phone to her ear with her shoulder while she painted her nails their usual black chrome. “You should listen to Never Know by Bad Omens. I bet you’d like it.”

“You think?” Taehyung’s voice came from the other end. Before she could answer, she heard Yoongi in the living room on the phone.

“Woah, woah, calm down. What happened?” Silence.

“Jiwo-?”

“Sh!” The silence stretched for a good four seconds. She jumped when Yoongi came barreling down the hall to his room like a bat out of Hell and came back out with his jacket slung over his arm. The front door opened and slammed shut. Within seconds, his car peeled out of the driveway. The roar of his engine quickly dissipated in the distance.

~~~

Jungkook bounced his knee in anticipation. It had been almost ten minutes since he called Yoongi and there was still no sign of him. He was beginning to worry something might’ve happened to him on the way when the door swung open sending the doorknob colliding into the wall. Jungkook shot up and immediately broke down in tears when he laid eyes on Yoongi’s familiar face. Yoongi rushed to catch his crumpling body and hugged his head to his chest. Jungkook sobbed like he never sobbed before. Every emotion he’d kept bottled up since the moment he found her in her room spilled out onto Yoongi’s grey hoodie.

His heart — along with every other function in his body — stopped when he saw Y/N. She’d never looked so broken and it tore at his insides to even look at her. It didn’t feel natural. It didn’t feel real. There was no way this was the girl he loved.

When Jungkook’s cries diminished to a sniffle, Yoongi gingerly took him off his chest and approached her bedside. He tentatively placed his hand over her cold one. IV needles were sunken into each of her wrists and one on the back of her hand. He drew a shuddery breath. “What-....what did she take?”

“Fentanyl.” Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut trying not to dwell on it.

“Is she gonna be okay?” He knew it was a stupid question. Of course Jungkook couldn’t answer that.

“I don’t know.” Jungkook muttered.

“Did they say when she’d wake up?” Jungkook winced at his question. He must’ve been in shock to assume she even would.

“Yoongi,” the older turned to face him, “Y/N’s in a coma.”

~~~

Yoongi and Jungkook stayed the night in the spacious ICU room with Jungkook passed out on his little couch and Yoongi pulled up a chair next to Y/N’s bedside. He stayed awake all night watching her. It wasn’t that he thought something would happen if he fell asleep, he just couldn’t bring himself to leave her. Even if he may have still physically been there.

Breaking the news to everyone the next day was hard. Hearing their reactions over the phone was harder. ICU patients were only allowed to have three visitors per day —excluding Yoongi—so he was forced to decide who would get to see her first. He decided to just go by age.

Jimin and Taehyung arrived within five minutes of getting the call. Yoongi was waiting outside her room when the two came flying down the hall. They skidded to a stop and Yoongi had to hold them back with his palms against their chests. “Hold on, hold on. You can’t see her just yet.”

“Fucking why not?!” Taehyung shouted.

“Yeah, what the hell?” Jimin added.

“The doctor said that it helps to talk to coma patients, so we’re taking turns visiting her alone. Jungkook’s in there right now.”

~~~

Jungkook sat in Yoongi’s chair beside the hospital bed. His fists balled against his knees trying to think of something to say.

“Y/N…..I’m…. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I took your pills. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I watched this happen and didn’t get you help.” Tears pooled in his eyes. “I’m so sorry...You're my hero Y/N….You probably don’t think so, but if I never met you...” He choked, “I don’t-...I don’t think I’d be alive right now.” His lips quivered trying to form the words. He’d never said anything like that out loud before. “You’re the only person who makes me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve never felt more loved and wanted than when I’m with you. You’re the strongest person I know. You always make sure I get all of my work done and eat right even when you can barely take care of yourself. It sounds useless, but it’s those reminders that reassure me that someone actually cares. If you go I-...I don’t know what I’m gonna do. But it’s not gonna be anything good.” He put his head down on her thigh and cried. “I need you, Y/N. I need you so much it hurts.”

~~~

The three in the hall jumped to their feet when the door finally opened, and Jungkook stepped out. His eyes and nose were puffy and red from hours of stop and start tears. Jimin pulled him into a soft hug which he gratefully accepted. “Okay Tae, you’re next.” Yoongi said. Taehyung thought for a second.

“No. Jimin should go. He’s known her longer than I have.” Yoongi looked from Taehyung to Jimin who looked up in surprise.

“That’s fine.” He said. Jimin gave Taehyung a thankful look and entered the room.

He drew a hard breath when he saw her. Her hospital gown washed away the color of her cheeks that once gave her a youthful glow. “Oh, Y/N…” He put his hand to his heart and sat down. “What happened to you?” The dark circles under her eyes popped against the blank canvas of her face. He slipped his hand under hers and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “You can’t be doing this to yourself. You scared me. You scared us.”

He spent a long time just looking at her in silence. He couldn’t find a way to put his emotions into words. “God, you’re so gorgeous. Even when you're wearing a paper gown with bags that rival a panda’s.” He reached and twirled a piece of her hair in his fingers — something he did a lot when they relaxed together. Her usual bouncy coils laid in dull, limp waves against her shoulders. “You almost left me. You can’t do that, because you’re stuck with me. And there’s nothing you can do to change that. Wherever you go, I’ll follow, whatever you do, I’ll copy. We’re in this together, so your ass better wake up so we can fuck shit up until we’re old and grey, scaring kids on Halloween together.” He giggled, but it slowly turned to whimpers. He wiped tears from his cheeks with his sleeves. “You’re my best friend, N/N. I don’t know if I can handle it if you go.” He took a sniffly breath. “I love you, Y/N. I’ve always loved you. Even if it was in different ways, but I always have.” He sniffed and his voice cracked under the emotion. “You deserve the world, you deserve someone who loves you the way I know you should be loved. That’s why I was so happy when you met Yoongi, because I knew he was perfect for you. He worships you, Y/N, kisses the ground you walk on. And I can rest easy knowing you’re in the best possible hands. Don’t worry about me though, I’m happy loving you in any way I can.” Tears patted on the bed sheets when he leaned in to give her a lingering kiss on the cheek. “Please come back to us.”

~~~

An hour passed, and Jimin emerged from the room. “Finally! I was starting to regret giving up my turn.” Taehyung stood. Jimin and Jungkook held hands and Yoongi stripped his leather jacket off. The extra layers were starting to get to him. He looked up and saw Taehyung still standing there.

“What are you lookin’ at me for?”

“C-can I go now?” Yoongi chuckled a little.

“Of course you can.”

~~~

It took a while for Taehyung to eventually gravitate to the chair beside her. He mainly stood near the door and stared at her for the first five minutes. Another twenty went by of him just sitting in the chair with his hands clasped between his knees. “Listen uh...I’m not good at this whole sentimental thing, so if it’s true that coma patients remember what they hear, don’t judge. I know I get on your nerves a lot and tease you, but I do it ‘cus that’s just how I show love.” He looked down. “Truth is, you’re like a sister to me, Y/N. I always wanted an older sister to annoy, and when I met you it felt like I’d found my missing piece. Nobody in my life ever stays long, but you’re the one constant that I could hang on to. No matter which girl left me or friends I lost, I knew I could always count on you to be there, ready to go along with whatever I wanted.” He chuckled at the tears brimming in his eyes. “Look at this shit. You got me cryin’.” He roughly wiped his eyes with the collar of his hoodie. “Well, that’s my spiel. Wake up soon. I need somebody to roll their eyes at my jokes again.” He stood and wiped his palms on his sweats. His fingers twitched at his side as he peered down at her. Hesitantly, he leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the forehead. “Get better, sis.”

~~~

The next day was Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jin’s turn. Namjoon, unsurprisingly, got there at the exact time Yoongi texted him to. He came in carrying a to-go cup of coffee with the Starbucks logo on the sleeve. Immediately, he pulled Yoongi into a quick hug before he could protest. “Here, I know you’re not sleeping.”

“Thanks.” Yoongi took it with a small smile. Namjoon wasn’t wrong. He hadn’t slept a wink since he got there, and it was starting to show. His raven hair hung in glossy clumps and he was starting to develop his own set of dark circles. “You can go in whenever you’re ready.”

Namjoon stepped in and closed the door gently behind him. “Hey, N/N.” He sighed and took a seat in the chair that he dwarfed with his long legs. “I know you probably could care less, but I’m gonna take care of your homework for you until you get out of this. That is, if you don’t wake up by Monday. Anyway, uh, Cheyenne couldn’t make it. She’s at a tournament in Las Vegas, but she sends her love. Maybe when you wake up, you can FaceTime her. She’s really worried about you, y’know. Even if you guys haven’t seen each other for years.” He gazed at her almost as if he was waiting for her to respond. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Normally, I always know what to say, but….with you there’s just so much to be said I can’t think straight, so I thought,” he fished a small book out of his coat pocket, “I’d read you some poetry instead. I know the guys have probably talked your ear off, so it should be a nice break from it all.” He cracked open the book to one of the pages he’d marked with a sticky note. “I’ll start with this one, since I know it’s your favorite.”

Life is unpredictable,

It changes with the seasons,

Even your coldest winter,

Happens for the best of reasons,

And though it feels eternal,

Like all you’ll ever do is freeze,

I promise spring is coming,

And with it, brand new leaves.

- Erin Hanson

~~~

Hoseok was already in the hallway when Namjoon finished up. “How’d it go?” He showed him the book in his hand.

“Just some reading. She always likes that.” Hoseok gave him a nod and circled around him to take his place.

He took a seat and rested his elbows on the mattress. “Hey...God, I don’t even know how I’m supposed to do this. I’m not used to one sided conversations.” He gave a tiny chuckle. “I was a mess when I heard about your accident...I mean, Fentanyl, Y/N? Fentanyl?? I know how bad that shit’s reputation is and when I heard you ODed on it, I was certain you were dead. It took five minutes for Yoongi to calm me down and say you were alive.” He eyed all the tubes and machines she was hooked up to. “Although it doesn’t really look like it….Fuck you scared me, Y/N. Don’t you ever do that again.” He grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You hear me? You’re the only one who knows how bad my coke problem really is. In fact, no one else even knows I’m bipolar. Only you. Because you’re the only person I feel comfortable talking about it with. So please, don’t scare me like that again. I don’t expect you to come out of this clean as a whistle. Hell, I don’t even expect you to stop snorting your prescriptions. That’s why we need each other. We can work on ourselves together. I know you’ll wake up. I just know it. And I’ll be waiting with a big ass bag of all your favorite candy and movies when you do. So, you just focus on healing that body of yours and get back to us as soon as you can.” He gave her a kiss on the hand and another on her forehead. “Love ‘ya.”

~~~

Yoongi eyed the book Namjoon had set on one of the chairs lining the hall. He picked it up and leafed through it. “Hey, Joon?”

“Yeah?”

“You think I can borrow this for a bit?” He looked over to see what he was talking about.

“Yeah, of course.” Yoongi continued to flip through the pages when Hoseok stepped out and shut the door behind him. His eyes were misty and his voice was a little nasally.

“That was a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be.” He scanned the hallway. “Is Jin coming?”

“He’s coming around six after he gets off work.” Yoongi said, not looking up from the poem he was in the middle of.

“Oh, okay. Well, I have practice later so I’ll try to come visit again as soon as I can.” Hoseok gave each of them a hug and took his leave.

“I can stick around if you want, Yoongi.” Namjoon offered.

“No, no. I’m okay. There’s really not much you can do here. I’ll call you if anything comes up.” He stood again and Namjoon gave him another parting hug. “Thanks for the book, by the way.”

“No problem. I’ll see you later.”

Yoongi took his spot in the chair by Y/N’s bed and delved back into his book. As he went along, he wrote poems that reminded him of her on the hospital stationary from the bedside table. He didn’t read them aloud. He found it hard to believe that talking would actually help. His life hadn’t been fortunate enough for him to believe in anything more than cold, hard facts. He wasn’t one for talking anyway, and he knew neither was she.

He didn’t realize how much time had passed until Jin came knocking with a duffel bag in his hand. “Who’s that for?” Yoongi asked.

“You.” Jin said as he tossed it at him. He dropped the book and caught it against his chest. “Now go shower while I talk to my baby because I know you haven’t. You don’t want Y/N to wake up and have you smelling like ass.” He had him there. He stood up with a sigh and took the duffel to the connecting bathroom.

Jin turned and felt his heart sink at the sight of her. It hurt to see her like this and not be able to do anything to help. “I hope you’re feeling okay in there.” He sat on the edge of the bed by her thigh. “I can’t stay as long as I’d hoped, so I’ll have to make this quick. I know you probably don’t want me boo-hooing over you, so I’ll try to keep the tears to a minimum.” He rubbed the smooth tape securing the IV in her hand. “I’ll never forget that time I found you curled up on the floor, in the middle of your living room, so depressed you couldn't walk. I had to bathe you and tuck you in bed. I even fed you soup even though you said you could do it yourself.” He smiled softly. “I know I have to take care of you sometimes when you can’t do it yourself. And that’s okay. It’s okay to ask for help every once in a while. That’s my job. We always joke about how I’m your guys’ momma, but it’s true. You’re the reason I realized how much I want to be a dad one day. Believe me, if I could take care of you for the rest of my life I would, but I don’t think you’d care for that too much.” A small tear slipped past his guard and dripped down his cheek. “Sorry,” he wiped it away, “but you can’t blame me. I’m worried about you, Y/N. I don’t know what drove you to do this, but I know you tried your hardest to fight it.” He squeezed her hand. “I want you to know that I’m not mad, I’m not disappointed. You were trying to take your pain away. I just wish you could’ve told me how much you were suffering. Even if you want to spare me the stress and heartbreak of it all, I’d rather know you're in pain so maybe I can help you. Please don’t hide like that again. I need my little gremlin around to give me grey hairs before I hit thirty.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the head. “And you’re worth every single one.”

The door to the bathroom opened and Yoongi stepped out rubbing a towel over his hair. “Sorry, I tried to take as long as possible.”

“It’s fine, I need to be going anyway.” Jin stood and gave Y/N one last glance. “I’ll be waiting for you, kiddo.” He turned to Yoongi. “You gonna be okay here by yourself?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Have you talked to her yet?” Yoongi paused. “You should. Even if you think it doesn’t do anything, you’d be surprised what comes out.” With that, he took his jacket off the chair and closed the door behind him.

~~~

The clock read 11:50 by the time Yoongi finished his book. He set it on the bedside table with a sigh. Over a dozen notes were taped to the railing in a long line of comforting messages. It was surprising how much it helped him take his mind off the worst. But now, he had nothing to do but wait. He let out another long sigh. “I’m sorry I haven’t talked much. It’s just hard not being able to hear your voice...I figured if I tried to say anything I’d fucking lose it, but it feels like I already am.” He rested his forehead in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. “Jesus...what am I gonna do? If you go, I don’t know what I’m gonna do to myself. It scares me...One of the nurses told me you’d be going to a better place, but I don’t care if you’re going to a better place, I need you here.” He sniffed. “And I know that’s wrong, but I need you in this shitty ass world because I can’t survive without you.” He tried to blink the brimming tears out of his eyes, but it was no use. “There’s no one else in the world I’d rather be with than you. I don’t know how you made me like this, but I don’t ever want to change. I love you. I love you so fucking much I don’t know what to do with myself. I love the little things about you the most. I love that one curl that you hate because it goes the wrong way, how you’re not afraid to eat twice as much as me, how you grab my shirt in your sleep, how you walk in the grass with a flashlight during the summer so you don’t step on any frogs.”

The steady beep of the EKG was the only response he got. “Please don’t leave me. Please? No one’s ever made me feel this good before. And if you leave...if you-...” His head sank as he tried to hold back his tears. “It’s just- It’s easier to smile with you because when I look at you, I can feel it. And I-I look at you and I-....I’m home….Please, I don’t want that to go away.”

~~~

Yoongi didn’t remember falling asleep, but he woke up with his head resting against Y/N’s hip. He blinked away his sleepiness and tried to read the clock. 6:20. He groaned. Stayed awake two nights in a row and didn’t even get so much as six hours. Despite his suspicions, he did feel a lot better having talked to her. It seemed to bring her a little closer to him in these God awful times.

She was looking better. The dark circles were fading and the color was returning to her lips. It lifted his spirits to see she was visibly healing. He called Namjoon to bring him another poetry book. The stuff was really starting to grow on him. Of all people.

Other than a visit from Jungkook, Jiwoo, and Jimin, the day was pretty uneventful. A few nurses came in to take her vitals and stretch her joints, but he wouldn’t necessarily consider that an event.

“Here’s a good one.” Yoongi leaned forward in his chair for her to hear.

I don’t think you will

Ever fully understand

How you touched my life

And made me who I am.

You are the keeper of my dreams,

The man who holds my heart,

The one I want to spend my life with,

The one with whom I will always stand.

Stand beside through thick and thin

Through all that life throws our way

Knowing that this special love we share

Will guide us each and every day.

I don’t think you could ever feel

All the love I have to give,

And I’m sure you never realize

You’ve been my will to live.

- Stephanie Schiavone

~~~

The light of dawn shone through the thin curtains that billowed in the breeze coming from the open balcony door, casting the spacious bedroom in a golden glow. Yoongi shifted under the white, linen sheets and stretched out his spine like a cat. He cracked an eye open and took in the view of Y/N’s bare back on the other side of the bed. The fabric only came up to her hips and was pulled around to her chest with her sleeping hands. Her hair swept over the entire pillow scattering her curls every which way.

He ghosted his knuckle down her spine and back up again, repeating the action until her slender shoulders stirred. She let out a small, airy groan and dug herself further into the mattress. Birds chirped in the lush trees swaying outside with the coming morning. Yoongi scooted closer until her back was flush against his chest. The heat between their skin was a welcome sensation that seemed to fill his heart with even more love. If that was possible. He slipped his arms around her waist and buried his face in the crook of her neck. She wriggled again when he started peppering her with kisses up and down her neck and cheek. He finally brought his lips to her ear. “Wake up.”

~~~

Y/N’s eyes drifted open and fluttered against the cold lights of the ICU room. She looked down at her IVs and around the room groggily. Yoongi was asleep on the edge of the bed with his head resting on his folded arms. It broke her heart to see how tired he looked. Dark bags marked his red, puffy eyes from hours of vigil. Tears welled in her eyes and her lips drew into a pained frown as the memories of her night flashed in her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut and attempted to silence her hiccups. Her head sank back into the pillow and hoped it would just swallow her whole. There was no way she’d be able to face anyone after what she did. Oh God. Jungkook. Instant guilt and shame washed over her when she realized what she put that poor boy through.

When her eyes cleared enough to see, she noticed the dozens of messages littering her bed and side table. She took one off the railing with a shaky hand. It was in Yoongi’s handwriting.

When I first met you

I remembered you

From a hundred different dreams

And there you were

For me to love

All over again

For the very first time

- Atticus

A smile crept onto her lips as she read each one.

Your eyes.

Your eyes hold everything

My soul thirsts for.

- Paul Perry

She read another.

You gave light to my soul

You helped me to be whole

I have felt love for you before

And it will be more and more,

You are mine, my dear

You are the angel from above

Who taught me how to love.

Please, forever keep me near.

- Anonymous

~~~

The feeling of his hair being carded through slowly coaxed Yoongi out of his dream. He peeked an eye open. Y/N was mindlessly playing with his hair while she intently read one of his notes. “Oh my God!” He jumped onto the bed and cupped her head in his hands as he attacked her with kisses wherever he could land them. “You’re awake! Holy shit, you’re awake!” He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I thought I lost you.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Her hoarse voice was like music to his ears. He let himself laugh for the first time in the longest three days of his life. She looked up at him and he finally got to see those e/c eyes that he missed so much. Another wave of kisses washed over her that concluded with a final long, heated kiss on her lips.

“I’ve been waiting to be able to do that again.” She giggled and pushed against his chest.

“Get off, creepo. If the nurses saw you like this you’d get kicked out so fucking fast.”

“Oh shit,” he jumped off, “I need to tell them you’re up!” She watched in amusement as he ran out the door, then frantically popped back in.

“I’ll be right back!”

~~~

Everything that happened next flew by in a blur. She nearly suffocated under the hugs and kisses and gifts she was bombarded with. She was transferred to a standard room where she was allowed to have as many visitors as she wanted. Her entire day consisted of catching up with everyone, watching movies, and lots, and lots of Jello. Most of her IVs were removed which allowed Yoongi to curl up beside her that night.

The next evening, Jungkook was visiting her when Dr. Lobrano stepped in with his usual clipboard and pen. “Hey you two. If you don’t mind, I need to speak with Miss Y/N for a few minutes in private.”

“Oh..okay.” Jungkook reluctantly got up and left the room, stealing a glance on his way out.

“So?” She asked. The doctor folded his hands in front of him and looked down for a bit.

“I’m afraid there’s one thing about your condition that I’ve yet to mention.” She sat up straighter, her stomach churning.

“What is it?”

“When you first arrived at the ER you had major vaginal bleeding, so we did some tests...” Her heart stopped. “You were pregnant, but I’m afraid the shock of your overdose also caused you to miscarry.” It felt like she got punched in the stomach by Mike Tyson. All the air was sucked out of her lungs.

“P-pregnant..?”

“I’m sorry. I wanted to give you some time to catch up with loved ones before I informed you.” Hot tears rolled down her cheeks and her eyes darted back and forth trying to make sense of it all.

“H-how far along was I?”

“About three weeks.”

“Does...does Yoongi know?”

“I’m leaving you the choice to decide that. Once again, my deepest condolences.” He left her to process the news in privacy.

She collapsed onto the bed, her sobs coming out in hiccupy squeaks. Her hands gravitated to her stomach and tried to imagine the little being that used to be there. Three soft knocks sounded from the other side of the door. It slowly opened and Jungkook peaked his head in. “Y/N? Are you okay?” She only stared up at the ceiling. He approached her bedside. “....Y/N?” Her eyes eventually found him and filled with more tears.

“Can you hug me?” He immediately sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her up into a hug. Her shoulders quivered and she gripped desperately at his shirt.

“Hey, it's okay. It’s okay…” He stroked her hair and rested his chin on the top of her head. She cried, and cried, and cried until nothing else came out. Jungkook held her until her sobs faded, and her body leaned against his chest. He gently laid her down, taking care not to wake her up. Her peaceful face was a stark contrast to the tears that wet her cheeks and reddened her nose. Whatever the doctor told her must’ve been pretty damn bad to have her asking for a hug, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

Y/N was still asleep when Yoongi stepped out of the shower. Moonlight that came from a small window lit his path to her bed. She stirred when he climbed in. “It’s me. Go back to sleep.” He whispered. The sheets were pulled over their bodies and she rolled onto her side with her back to him. He took the opportunity to pull her closer. His face nestled on her shoulder and he let out a long sigh of contentment. She clenched her muscles to suppress her whimpers, but it was no use. He lifted his head to look down at her. “Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” Her eyes clamped shut and a choked sob escaped her chest.

“I killed our baby.”

~~~

It took a long time for Yoongi to wrap his head around what she told him the night before. When he finally put two and two together, he immediately turned her around so she was facing his chest and pulled her in as close as he possibly could. He was absolutely distraught, but only a few silent tears of shock came out as she sobbed into his shoulder all over again.

They slept late into the afternoon until they were woken up by a beaming Jimin. “Wake up, sleepyheads! It’s your discharge day!” Yoongi scowled at the unwelcome noise and lazily swatted at him. Jimin grabbed his wrist and pulled him to sit up straight. “Come on! Don’t you wanna get out of here?”

“Gimme a minute before I punch you.” He grumbled, rubbing his eyes. Jimin circled around to Y/N’s side and played with her hair.

“Y/Naaa, wake uuuup~” She cracked an eye and glared at him. “Oh, don’t give me that look too. It’s noon, and you’re supposed to check out at two. Let's get a move on.”

They spent the better half of an hour watching TV while Yoongi packed up the duffel Jin brought him. Y/N brushed her teeth in bed and spat the toothpaste in a cup when she was done. “Here.” She handed it to Jimin who took it and rinsed it out in the sink.

There was a knock at the door and Dr. Lobrano stepped inside. “How’re we feeling today?”

“Fine, I guess.” she shrugged. “I’m just ready to go home.”

“About that. It’s come to my attention that you have a history of suicidal behavior, and while it’s not my position to judge, I also can’t rule your overdose out as a suicide attempt.” “What?” She was dumbfounded. How could that be any of his business? “I wasn’t trying to kill myself!”

“But did you or did you not have any concern for your safety when you took that Fentanyl?” She pressed her lips into an angry thin line. She was angry because she knew he was right. She knew the risk and she did it anyway.

“What are you getting at?” Yoongi stepped in.

“According to California law, overdose victims are required to participate in a mandatory 28 days of rehabilitation. And since you’re also a danger to yourself, your treatment will have to be in a psychiatric facility.”

Y/N, Yoongi, and Jimin’s jaws dropped. There was no way he was serious. Right? Her heart beat faster, and faster, and faster with every memory of St. Joseph’s that flashed in her mind. “No….no, no, no!” She clawed at her IV and yanked it out of her hand. She threw the sheets up and made a mad dash for the door, but two male nurses stood ready to catch her. “NO! NO! NO! I’M NOT GOING BACK!” They hauled her back on the bed and tried to pin her kicking legs down. Her screams brought another team of nurses rushing in with a set of bed restraints.

“What the hell are you doing to her?!” Yoongi shouted. One of the nurses turned and put her hand to the boys’ chests.

“You two need to leave, right now.” They were shoved outside the room and forced to watch the crowd of people struggle to hold Y/N’s thrashing body to the mattress so the restraints could be slipped on. Jimin held his hands to his mouth and stared through wide, teary eyes.

“NO! NO! NO! NO! I CAN’T GO BACK! YOONGI!” It felt like someone stabbed him in the heart when she desperately called out to him. He could hear the terror in her voice.

“YOONGI!”

Pain filled his entire body and he bit the inside of his lip, visibly restraining himself from lunging forward and ripping her from the restraints that she jerked so furiously against. “YOONGI! PLEASE DON’T LET-'' A nurse sank a syringe into her hip and her legs quickly ceased their kicking. Y/N fell silent.

Yoongi stood like a statue and stared at the only half of her that he could see. “Yoongi, I-” he ripped his shoulder away when Jimin placed a hand on it and stormed away. He didn’t stop until he got all the way to his car in the parking lot. The door slammed shut behind him and he was left in silence. His forehead fell against the steering wheel and he let out a long breath.

A single whimper escaped his chest.

Then another.

And another.

Loud, hiccupy sobs wracked his whole body as he white-knuckled the leather wrapped wheel. One especially aggressive wave had him hugging himself in a bawling heap. He hadn’t cried like this since he was little, hiding in the closet from his dad’s drunken rage. It was scary how quickly he lost control, and he knew there was nothing he could do to get it back.

[munbunelle]

tips for online classes

the fall semester is coming up and a lot of people will be taking their classes online. online classes can be nearly impossible for people who aren’t used to them or struggle with the format. it can be even harder if you have difficulty focusing and self-motivation. here’s some tips i picked up from my online classes if you’re intimidated!

step one: figure out if your classes are synchronous or asynchronous.

in a synchronous class, you’ll be expected to attend classes via video conferences. note the times and days of the week these classes will be had. in an asynchronous class, you’ll be able to learn at your own pace, regardless of your classmates. make sure you keep a close eye on due dates.

step two: scheduling.

while you will have all day to do your classwork, it helps to set a loose (or tight, if you prefer that) schedule to your day. a time to get up, then general blocks of activities through your day, with breaks for meals. maybe you want to do your classes first thing in the morning, so you can play video games and chat with your friends later in the day. you shouldn’t overschedule yourself with too much work in one day, as you will burn yourself out.

however, if a lot of your due dates get clumped close together, i recommend setting aside a day to work a ‘shift’ of schoolwork. eight hours of work, giving yourself breaks when needed, so you can feel like you get a lot off your plate at once. i typically do these on weekends, but it depends on your schedule.

step three: organization.

if you’re feeling unable to begin your schoolwork, take the time to check your due dates. i find it helpful to write a list of due dates and assignments for all my classes, color coded by each class. this gives you an idea of what’s coming up. while it might be nerve wracking to see that huge list, that anxiety might be a good motivator to get schoolwork done, or it can remind you of an easier assignment to get out of the way before you can do others.

after i’ve made my list, i typically write the dates i plan on doing each assignment in pencil in the margin. i try to aim to do at least one assignment each day. it’s a slow, comfortable pace for me that doesn’t burn me out. however, if i find i’m going too slow and my due dates are bunching up, i’ll be able to take advantage of not being burnt out and do an extra day of productivity (working a ‘shift’ above)

step four: engagement.

if you have difficulties with attention, learning from home can be either a blessing or a curse. remove yourself from distractions such as your bed, phone, pet, or other devices. sit at a desk, kitchen table, or other quiet area instead. (maybe make a specific learning corner, with blankets, pillows, and an outlet if you’re using your laptop.) this will get your mind in the mode of learning, instead of complete relaxation.

being at home also gives you the freedom to learn how you learn best. for example, if i have to watch a bunch of videos or movies for a class, i can whip out my knitting and keep my hands busy so my brain can focus. when you have to read from your textbook or a website, try to write down the main point of each paragraph in the textbook. (if it’s a narrative or rhetorical paragraph don’t bother.) doodle in your margins if you’re listening to a lecture. some people learn best when their hands, ears, and sight are all occupied at once. experiment!

step five: mental health.

if you need to take a break day, or even a break week, that’s fine. if your grades slip, that’s fine. if you need to drop a class, if you fail a test, if you miss an assignment- it’s fine! these are unexpectedly difficult circumstances and online learning is a unique challenge. please don’t be hard on yourself. reward yourself when you do good. associate learning with drinking your favorite drinks, eating your favorite snacks, enjoying your favorite music.

good luck, i believe in you!

[botwstoriesandsuch]

[Image ID: A screenshot of an anon asking saying “I just wanna say that your tags whenever you rb art and fics are so cute 🥺 you reblogged something of mine the other day and the tags were just so nice and innocent??? It’s like watching a little kid at an aquarium 😝so as an artist I thank you, hope you don’t take it as cringy” End ID]

- - - - - 

Cringey?? nonononono I may be a young kid watching the pretty fish swim aimlessly in the aquarium but I will

recklessly enjoy other people’s content don’t test me

I try to keep it in the tags cause I don’t wanna take away from the op’s original work, plus it makes it easier for other people to rb it from me, but I will amp up the love and appreciation when the situation calls for it. You could straight up come into my inbox or messages and just ask me to give you a reblog and I will do it, I do not care I love you, content creators.

Cringe Culture is dead it’s time to gush plus if I do this often enough people might do it more for me so it’s a win win hehe

Legit, I got a super sweet comment on one of my fics quoting something I wrote and it made me so happy so I was like “huh, guess I’ll do that more often then” and now I’m doing that, that’s how impressionable I am asdfghjk

Also hello?? specifically *my* tags helped you out?? I am a nobody, CLEARLY not enough people are doing this smh, allow me to teach the masses for a sec here

How To Make A Content Creator Happy: the world’s simplest guide to spreading serotonin through a keyboard

Step fucking one) You reblog it. I mean, that’s a given. You’ve all seen those “reblogs help creators out and likes do nothing” posts so I won’t rant too much. Likes are good, but reblogs are like handing someone a stack of a hundred dollars and all it takes is one click! 

(PRO TIP: Hold down the button and swipe for mobile, and hold the left alt button and click once for computer [though it will only rb to your main blog. if you want it for a side-blog then you’re stuck with two clicks but HEY two clicks to help out a creator you like is nothing!])

You share it! Just share stuff. Share the ao3 like, please do it. Don’t repost, don’t just mention it, give the links especially when you’re just in conversation or talking about it around plz I swear it does wonders

Ok moving on to the super simple stuff for commenting and putting stuff in the tags because I guarantee that the op will read them

write A N Y T H I N G and I literally mean anything just fucking:

!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sdjflksdjfkjh

?!?!?!?!!?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghhhhhhhhh

:OOOOOOOOO

prettyyy

<33333333333333333

just fucking go ham, go nuts, it doesn’t need to be coherent it just needs to EXIST the very existence of someone enjoying someone’s content gives so much serotonin so stop being silent cowards and give us a smiley face from time to time

uh what else what else....hmm [golden rule is treat others the way you want to be treated, so if you’re a creator yourself, just give whatever you would want seen in the comments of your stuff! I mean that’s how I came up with all this...]

Point out the details! I mentioned earlier about quoting stuff from fics (that stuff is just 👌👌👌 so delicious) but I’m pretty sure (I’m not an artist myself don’t quote me) that the exact same effect is present when you talk about details in art or something. So talk about that pretty snowflake in the background! Or that piece of dialogue that made you laugh. Just a simple nod to the details is a big difference between saying “I like this” versus “I like this thing that you took the time to make the effort you put into the details did not go unnoticed”

just ALL the feedback please and thank you

this might vary from person to person, though personally I love when people are like “The way you write imagery is so good please do more!!” so just give a little nod to someone like “The way you draw this character is amazing please do more” or something like that

I wouldn’t go as far as to give criticism (although personally I’m the type of person that loves the occasionally critique for future reference, cause it means that you care as much as I do about the quality of my work) 

But along the same lines as the details thing, a nice nod to a creator about what they’re doing right is sooooo good! makes the butterflies flutter

                ~~~~~~Did that post give you emotions?~~~~~~

   G   O   O   D

 ~~FUCKING TELL US~~

THE ACT OF SOMEONE WRITING A SET OF LETTERS, OR SOMEONE SKETCHING A BLOB MADE ANOTHER DISTANT HUMAN BEING DEVELOP CHEMICALS IN THEIR BRAIN?? SURE WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THAT BECAUSE WOW THAT’S AMAZING!?!??

just go “I’m so happy” or “I’m so sad” just “TT__TT” just fucking “:OO” or just “I hate this” [HUMOURISTICALLY] and “I can’t believe you’ve done” just give it yes tell us the emotion that you have felt we love it

I don’t think enough people understand how amazing that is???? You were once in a normal, neutral state, and then a piece of content that I created just made you smile or laugh or cry like WHAT that’s amazing omg

Ok so that’s pretty much the simple stuff right, that’s your elementary classwork right there

Just give something, literally anything and just go “I love this so much!!!!!” bam done, you just murdered the op with your love, great job

So yeah, that’s that. Pretty simple stuff, no?

...but you wanna graduate to master class?

You wanna fucking go ape shit

you wanna just

g o    t o    town?

I said this was gonna be a simple guide so don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell you that you have to write a full length essay on every post that you come across

[BUT IF YOU WANT TO DON’T LET ME STOP YOU THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE AMAZING?? HELL WRITING OUT A PARAGRAPH OF A COMMENT IS ALREADY JUST *CHEFS KISS* MASTERCLASS OF MURDERING THE OP WITH LOVE JUST ANALYZING THE SHIT OUT OF THE COLORS AND SHADING AND FRAMING OR JUST POINTING OUT THE THEMES AND SUBTEXT AND CHARACTERIZATION --part of the reason I love betaing stuff so much because I can analyze shit and shower it with premature love while also helping fics to be even better than they were originally ugh so cleansing for my literature heart-- SO YEAH GIVE CREATORS A PARAGRAPH, DARE I DREAM OF PARAGRAPHS, BECAUSE WOW YES PLEASE YES]

...ahem anyway

the way to graduate from good to great as a receiver of content is

to do all this

any of this

any of this simple stupid amazing shit

and just

put it in an ask or message

that’s literally it

Let me tell you why that’s so amazing, it pumps up the already amazing dopamine dosage of these actions alone, and multiplies it by a hundred, let me tell you why

Let’s say you read a drabble. You loved it, you reblogged it, you gave it hearts and emojis and ranted for a few tags about how it made you drop your muffin on the ground. Fantastic work, you just made the op pass out.

Then you go about your day and that’s the end of that.

BUT

if you do all that

and then put it in an ASK

dare you even a direct message?? (probably not most of us on here are cowards I get that)

but an ASK, anon or otherwise?

The message you just sent to the op was “I interacted with the post you made, and I loved it so much that I went the extra mile of going to your blog to make extra extra sure you understand how much I liked your thing”

There’s a wordless wall with every post! You like and reblog the thing and move on with your day. 

But the fact that YOU sent a HEART a SINGLE sentence about how you liked a thing? the fact that you BREACHED that wall and just fucking keyboard smashed in the inbox? the fact that you did that is the most amazing thing in the world

you just ambush the op with good vibes. we were expecting the bare minimum in the comments and tags, but the fact you when out of your way to make it a message or ask???? superb, outstanding, the sheer SHOCK of it will shift tectonic plates

you’re my fucking hero if you do this. you’re a godsend. I would kill for you,👏people👏would👏kill👏for👏you.

AT LEAST THEY WOULD KILL FOR YOU IF THIS ACTION DIDN’T ALREADY MURDER THEM

BE A MURDERER, NAY, A SERIAL KILLER. MURDER CONTENT CREATORS WITH LOVE

BE RECKLESSLY KIND AND LOVING YOU PIECE OF SHIT, ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE CRINGY TO STARVING AND DYING WRITERS AND ARTISTS WE WILL TAKE IT ALL GOD DAMMIT

YOU ARE A CHILD STARING UP AT AN AQUARIUM IN WONDER.

MAKE YOUR HAPPINESS STIR THE TIDES, LET YOUR PRESCENCE BE KNOWN PAST THE REFLECTION OF THE GLASS.

THE FISH ARE LOOKING FOR YOUR SMILE. 

[stardusttrashed]

Crushing

Word Count: 2k

I racked my brain, trying to think of why I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes off the class sweetheart. I should’ve been focusing on math work in front of me. It was easy enough that I could’ve completed it in my sleep. Instead, my eyes were focused on the girl across the room who busied herself, helping others and making idle conversations. 

My eyes roamed over her figure as she leaned against Deku’s desk. Somehow she made our boring uniform seem like something you’d see in a magazine. Or at least I think so. I’ve never been one to read through fashion magazines or anything. I tried my best to hide my snarl as she giggled away at something Deku said. 

I’m not really sure when it happened or even how. She’s so annoyingly kind and bubbly like a walking ball of sunshine that always manages to get in the way. She’s always rushing in to protect people, even if that meant putting herself at risk. She’s a complete idiot. 

“Yo, Earth to Bakugo,” Kirishima snapped his fingers in front of my eyes, pulling me out of my trace. I blinked several times as I tried to refocus on the paper lying on the table in front of me. “Everything alright? You’re usually done with classwork by now.”

I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth, “what? Are you my mom now?” I rolled my eyes as I finished up the last of the assignment. I heard Kirishima grumble something before following suit. We worked quietly for a few moments as the voices of everyone else filled the space.

“Someone is grumpier than usual today, eh,” Y/n giggled quietly, plopping herself down on the empty seat next to me. She scooted closer until she could prop her elbows up on my desk. She gave me a fake pout, “is it cause I didn’t come talk to you first?” Y/n looked me up and down with a smug smirk that made my stomach feel weird. 

I wanted to wipe that smirk off her face just so I could stop feeling like this, but all I could manage was a low growl and an eye roll. “In your dreams, idiot. You’re worse than hair-for-brains.” 

“Aw, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me all week,” she continued to tease. “At this rate, he’ll join movie night for sure!” Kirishima’s laugh followed her joyous giggle. The dopey look she gave me never wavered even as I mumbled ‘idiots.’ 

I could feel Kirishima’s eyes shift back and forth between her and me, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing something. Before I could say anything, the bell signaling that class ended rang. 

“You are coming to movie night, right,” Y/n asked as I started packing up. Her voice was softer than usual, almost like she was nervous. 

I shook the thought out of my head. She was always the first one to stand up to me or challenge me. While the other people in our class would hesitate, she would hear me yell and laugh it off with some comeback. It was irritating, but I guess that’s why I… tolerate her more than the others. 

“Tch. I’ve got homework.”

“So do I, dummy, it’ll probably only take an hour or so. Plus, it’s the weekend.”

 Everyone had left the room already, leaving me and her alone in the room. My palms grew increasingly sweaty as my stomach did flips again. With a huff, I pulled the strap over my shoulder and headed out the door. I could hear her scrambling to get her stuff together before her rapid footsteps sounded off behind me. 

“That’s tough. I outta kick your ass.” 

My eyes wandered down to her lips as she spoke, catching the way she tried to chew back a cocky smirk. “In your dreams, pipsqueak,” I scoffed. 

“I’ll kick your ass anytime anywhere, sparky.” Y/n stopped in her tracks and shoved her pointer finger into my chest. “In case you forgot, you don’t scare me.” The cocky smirk firmly planted on her lips drove me crazy. It made my stomach flip, and my mind go hazy. 

Without thinking, I swatted her hand away and stalked off. “If it’ll make you shut the hell up,” I called behind me as calm as my nerves could let me say. “I’ll come to the damn movie night.” 

Hours had passed since I last saw Y/n, but she hadn’t left my mind since. She made it hard to do homework. Assignments that should’ve taken me 30 minutes at most took me an hour thanks to my mind constantly drifting off to think of her. I had no idea what was wrong with me. 

My phone pinged, pulling me from yet another drawn-out thought about Y/n. I checked my phone to see it was none other than Y/n herself.

Y/n: In case you haven’t heard yet, Kiri canceled movie night.

I wanted to be happy to hear that I didn’t have to go to some dumb movie night anymore, but instead, I felt disappointed. I had spent all this time preparing myself to hang out with the crew. Well, if I’m frank, I was preparing myself to hang with Y/n. Before I could talk myself out of it, I sent her a quick reply.

Movie night doesn’t have to be canceled.

Y/n: ?.... Are you offering to host a movie night?! What have you done to my precious Katsu?!?!

My lips curled up into a small smile as I read her reply. “Her precious Katsu.” I don’t know why those three words made me feel warm, but all it did was egg me on further. 

If you want to make a big deal about it I can say nevermind. 

Y/n: Stop being an idiot, I’ll be over in an hour

We had spent plenty of time alone together, more than I can count actually. She always seemed to talk me into studying together or being her sparring partner. As much as I’d hate to admit it, she’s even got me to go to the mall with her... and the others. However, something felt different about this time, I couldn’t quite explain what though. 

Time couldn’t seem to pass fast enough as I waited. I wiped my hands on my pants and checked the clock. Only ten minutes had passed. A sigh escaped my lips followed by another ping of my phone. 

Shitty Hair: Told everyone I couldn’t host movie night tonight. Maybe you and y/n can hang ;) you’re welcome

I scoffed as I read Kirishima’s text. He could be a complete idiot sometimes, but for once he might be onto something, not that I’d tell him. I rolled my eyes and tossed my phone on my bed. How’d he know that I would like hanging out with her alone instead of with everyone else? Well, if I was being honest it was more than just liking hanging out with her. I liked her company more than the others, she's even my favorite sometimes. I like h…. I cut that thought short as I walked to the bathroom to shower. It doesn’t matter how I feel about her, I don’t treat her any different from anyone else. 

My mind flipped through the various words I could use to describe my feelings for her, avoiding any sappy like words, but none seemed to fit. I finally settled on ‘tolerate’. I knew it wasn’t quite the word I was looking for, but it was the closest I was going to allow myself to admit. 

I had barely pulled on my sweatpants when a soft knock echoed through my room. A rush of nervous panic rushed through me at the sound. I hurriedly put on deodorant and hesitantly sprayed some cologne on my sweats. 

“Katsuki, you there-” Y/n started to ask, quickly cutting herself off as I opened the door. She flug her arms around my neck, pulling me closer to her in a hug. I wanted nothing more than to put my hands on her waist, but instead my hands stayed at my sides, getting sweatier by the second. 

“Hey there,” Y/n said gleefully as she finally let go of me. “Oh-” her eyes roamed over my body, “- I, uh, you smell good.” The slight tint on her cheeks gave me a little boost of confidence. “Is that a new soap or something?”

I couldn’t help the smirk growing on my face. “What? You go around smelling me now? Tch. Weirdo.” I glanced down as she playfully hit my chest, taking in the spandex shorts that clung to her thighs. I caught myself staring before she noticed and stepped aside so she could come in. 

“I hate you sometimes.” She walked into my room like it was her own, plopping herself down on my bed. She kicked off her shoes before making herself comfortable. “Did you pick a movie yet? Also can I borrow a sweatshirt?”

“Why do you need a sweatshirt when you’re sitting on covers,” I scoffed as I grabbed a shirt.

“Cause I don’t want to mess up your bed dummy.”

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the bed, the shirt still in my hands. “Move over idiot.” I climbed onto the bed, sitting next to her. “Should’ve brought your own sweatshirt then,” I grumbled as I lifted my arm closest to her. I shrugged off her curious look, “you always call me a heater, so I.” I trailed off as the nerves began to get the better of me.  Before I could put my arm down she leaned into my side. I let go of a tense breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding in.

Having my arm around her just felt right. Her touch set my skin ablaze, but I cou;dn’t think of anyone else I would rather hold. A comfortably awkwardness fell over us as we both shifted in silence, trying to get situated. 

“Katsuki, do you like me?” Her question took me off guard. “Sorry, probably should’ve asked better. I just- I have to know, y’know. I wasn’t sure about coming over cause watching movies alone together just seemed too much like a date.” Her voice wavered as she continued to obviously nervously ramble. “It’s fine if I’m wrong. It just Kiri is convinced that you like me.” Her small scoff tugged at my heart.

There it was. The word I was avoiding, but already knew. Like. Yeah, I guess I do like her. I’m not sure when it started, but I’ve liked her for a while now. Everyday she always seemed to find another reason to make me like her. Even now I could find at elast a dozen more reasons to like her. But liking her meant being soft and vulnerable. It’s scary. I suppressed the urge to deny what she was saying, allowing her to continue her train of thought.

“I dunno, I figured he was just saying it to make me feel better about, well, about me liking you-,”

“You like me?” I couldn’t help it, the words left my mouth in a raised tone before I could stop them. 

Y/n looked up at me for the first time since she started talking with the same dopey grin I always seemed to catch her staring at me with. “Yes sparky! I’ve been flirting with you for forever now! Geez, for someone so smart in class, you’re pretty dumb.”

I crashed my lips down onto her’s clumsily. I wanted to wipe that nerve wrecking smile off her face, but for once she left me speechless. So I did the next best thing. And man, she was better than any dream. Y/n wasted no time in returning my affections, her lips hungrily matching mine while her hand found an resting spot on my chest. 

“Will you shut up now?” Out of habit, my anger covered for my embarrassment. 

Y/n giggled quietly, completely undeterred by my outburst, “about getting Katsuki tough guy Bakugo to like me and admit it?” She pretended to think. “Not a chance,” she chuckled, kissing my cheek. 

“Shut up! I didn’t admit shit!”

“You totally did.”

“That’s it! Get out, movie night is over!”

Y/n’s laughter filled the room like sunshine as she shook her head in protest. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

She was right. Against my better judgement she stayed until morning and even some nights after. For the next couple of months we would take turns sleeping in each other’s rooms, far too ‘tired’ to go back to our own until the next morning. I still can’t remember when I started liking her, but I know when I finally officially confessed to her and when I promised myself I wasn’t going to stop. It took a lot, but it felt good to finally tell herthat I like her. Sure, I got called a total softie by her for a solid week after, but they way she almost teared up when I told her made it worth it. Well, that and the kisses that followed.