#i like the idea of a qpr but even then again also not necessarily that's just personal preference

[elotoier]

I’ve been seeing some people call roier and etoiles brothers as like. an argument against shipping them and I just wanted to put in my two cents on why I disagree with both the idea of shipping them in a romantic relationship but also the idea of calling them brothers.

I get why people are shipping them the homoeroticism is almost palpable sometimes with the ways they joke with each other. Those jokes are the precise reason why the label of brothers doesn’t fit though. Brothers don’t joke about liking each other’s dicks that much. They’re not brothers, they’re brothers in arms. Their bond was forged in the battlefield under sweat and blood and the inherent intimacy of living and dying next to another man. There’s an undeniable sense of homoeroticism to that, but that homoeroticism is undeniable to us precisely because most of us, not attached or blinded by the idea of “manhood”, can see beyond the attempted blanket of illusion that says because the intimacy of blood and touch is done in the name of a manly endeavor then it doesn’t count. Or that it’s just boys being boys. we can see that the label of brother in “brothers in arms” is a cover, yet another one of the intricate rituals that allow and normalize the touch of other men.

but the label of romantic love just straight up doesn’t work with their vibe either because not only is roier very happily married, etoiles cubito gives off some of the biggest aromantic vibes I’ve ever seen. Plus they are way too similar to each other for it. Someone else already explained it better, but they understand each other in a way very few other people can. That’s because when they look at each other they see a fellow tired warrior that can’t stop no matter how much they might want to because otherwise their loved ones might get hurt. I don’t quite know how to explain myself here but to me there is such a thing as too much understanding. There’s a chance that instead of challenging each other to slow down and confront their flaws and failings they’ll keep pushing each other forward and farther into the fight.

They aren’t brothers, but that doesn't mean there must be anything romantic going on. There’s not only two alternatives, men can be close without having to hide underneath the label of brothers or lovers, and that’s the intersection they fall under. They’re just close and they love each other, no labels necessary

[bloggingboutburgers]

this past week my qpp of almost two years broke up with me. and i know for you, you said you wouldn't necessarily feel heartbroken if your qpr came to an end, but for me, it felt more heartbreaking than some of my past romantic breakups. this whole thing made me wonder if maybe im not queerplatonic or aro enough to be in a qpr, or if id ever want to be in a qpr again. but seeing you post about your qpr gives me hope that queerplatonic love is something that i can experience fully. so thank you for always sharing your story, because that's what's helping me heal right now <3

Aah, to be perfectly honest, as much as I sorta "downplay" it compared to what it must feel for people who experience romantic attraction... I've had a time where I almost felt like I couldn't go on with my QPP as well and the sheer thought of it was really hard to bear too, so my words here aren't necessarily being very fair to the reality of things.

It was during the travel ban of March 2020 to November 2021 where citizens of my country and others weren't allowed to enter the US unless we spent 15 days in a country that wasn't banned. It made it much harder than usual to visit my partner and as it was nearing 2 years with nobody aware it was going on anymore and US people more concerned about whether they'd be able to have turkey for Thanksgiving, my hope was running really thin. So for a few days in mid-October, as I was at rock bottom, I was starting to write in passing to my partner about how maybe going on wasn't worth it because the separation was too hard on us, it wasn't showing signs of stopping, and the whole thing maybe wasn't worth the pain if they could live their life happily and not have to worry about me who couldn't visit.

And then we videocalled at some point, and when they tearfully told me that even if it did end then and there, they wanted me to keep the promise ring they'd recently given me, I suddenly felt a quiet rage in me going like "No. Fuck this. Look at them. I love them. And I love this too much to allow some cruel governmental decision to end it. If it ever ends, it'll be because WE want it to end. Not because of shit like this."

...I'm making it sound super dramatic but yeah long story short this is also a big reason why we're planning to get married. So that when the US government decides to put a ban on countries including mine again, they can't stop us from vibing together this time.

I guess... I still don't wanna 100% assume we'll be together forever because I don't wanna trap them in a situation they may no longer feel happy in. We're doing great now, but I still have it in the back of my mind that maybe someday they'll get sick of me (they say they never will and that'd be dope if they never did, but never say never and all), or we'll both just want other things, and if it ends like that, then... Yeah, that'd be alright. Much more alright than the way it almost ended.

(...Oh, and for the record, if a friendship of mine ended abruptly, or if my brothers stopped being on good terms with me, I'm pretty sure I'd be just as heartbroken, to be fair. And it'd feel like my reality was collapsing a little. I guess anything ending, any human connection ending, has that effect to a degree, if it's important enough, after all.)

Though describing things like that does make it a bit harder to define what makes it "queerplatonic" as opposed to "romantic", I still... Just have that feeling in my gut that it isn't romance, y'know? It's kinda... A mix between being close friends and being an old married couple without ever having gone through the grandiose passion-honeymoon phase. Maybe that phase IS what defines romance per se. I don't know. Maybe someday I'll find more answers, but it's kinda hard to find answers when you have no idea how romance works to begin with I guess 🙈

In any case... Sorry if I caused any confusion or if I made you question your validity. The thing is pretty simple to be honest: if you feel you're aro, you're veeeeeery likely to BE aro. Because nobody can make that call but you and nobody can name the relationships you have but you. And if amongst everything you even FOUND the words "aro" or "queerplatonic" in a world where those identities and types of relationships are so aggressively hidden or erased, then it's gotta stand for something.

...I guess at the very least THIS I can be certain of TwT Sorry I'm a bit messy about all of this myself, I'm still also going on about it trying to figure it out day by day, but I owed it to you and everyone to be honest. These things are hard to define and I hope to keep finding better and better words to do so someday. TwT

[nerves-nebula]

Do you have any loveless/heartless characters? I think they're real neat <3

this post got superrr long lol. im avoiding my homework <3

so this is a complicated ask for me because my definition of "love" is intentionally different from a lot of more mainstream conceptions of it. love isn't a feeling to me, it's something you DO for people you care about, right? you make someone feel loved by doing things that show you care. you putting in that effort and correcting your behavior for their sake is love.

so in that way i don't consider any of my characters loveless. because to me Love is something you chose to do so nobody can really be loveless inherently, they're just choosing not to act loving towards someone.

HOWEVER, from what i've gleamed from a quick google search about loveless aros, it doesn't necessarily seem that being loveless is exclusive to my definition of love?

like, i'm seeing loveless aros talk about not having those kinds of feelings or doubting/opting out of western ideas of love that don't fit them. some talk about not forming that kind of "deep emotional bond" though I'm confused if they mean like.. in general, or just romantically. cuz i've never had a deep romantic bond but i've never really considered that an indictment of Love Itself so much as a type of love that I'm just not a part of.

some people are describing it as specifically romantic love that they know they can't feel. but then again some people are just using it to mean they reject "love" as a label for their emotions/experiences, so like. idk.

it feels like im on the exact same page as a lot of these people it's just that their conclusion was to throw out the word love and mine was to not accept the premise that romantic love is the highest or most important kind of love and focus on, like, other forms of love that are important to me. like my siblings and friends.

soooo i can't say any of them are loveless for sure, cuz i don't identify that way and i'm not sure i grok it yet.

HOWEVER,

I do have aromantic characters, if that's what you mean. though a lot of them are in weird psychosexual situations with each other (just cuz i dont wanna have sex doesnt mean its not fun for my characters to), though there's one or two healthy QPRs thrown in there.

tbh my understanding (or lack thereof) of romance seeps into all of my characters so even the ones who are supposedly in love are doing it with hints of aromanticism cuz like. i dont care what a crush is, yknow? there's only so far romantic tropes can take me before i tap out and just do my own thing.

but as for like canonically aro characters i've got Hondo & quinn, dotty, toasty, Thomas (you guys don't know Thomas yet lol she's a peach), Ezra and Pet (pet is a weird monster tho and Ezra is sort of dead so idk if that counts), Misha Mistaka, Pasiflora, and probably my new one, Benbeck.

I also consider Groe aroace but that's like, a whole thing. cuz Groe is mostly known for having been married to Maureno (one of my characters i explicitly consider allosexual, if not alloromantic) and their relationship takes front and center at every point sfsdf.

because even when i dont see it as romantic i LOVE to make characters lives intertwined and dependent on each other. due to my own personal issues. to be honest i dont think groe and maureno are "in love" i just think they're inextricable dependent on each other. i think their "romance" is an inherently aromantic one because it's not about romantic feelings its about their friendship and trust, which includes kissing and sex sometimes but isn't diminished when they don't do those things.

I don't think Groe feels romantic feelings but i get that two characters who ostensibly have their weird fucked up "romance" be the core thing going on in their life isn't exactly the aromantic rep that ppl are looking for. i mean, it is for ME, but not for everyone.

i guess im just not Good Aro rep tho, cuz im not interested in romance but i AM interested in finding a person who i know I can depend on for everything and share my life with, yknow? i want someone who i know will always be on my side.

and that looks the same to a lot of poeple as romance but the experience of it was way different. cuz i can be with them forever and never want to do more than kiss their forehead as a sign of affection and that'd be great for me, while i KNOW that's unthinkable for a lot of people.

but when writing my characters it's hard to really portray that internal difference. so i think ppl just assume it's romance, and like, that's fine i guess?

so like, groe and maureno fuck cuz it's fun and cuz they have unresolved issues but it's not crucial or even really important to their relationship- to the point that they care WAY more about who each other is hanging out with than who each other is having sex with.

but now i'm rambling about asexuality and stuff.. uhhh the point is YES i have aromantic characters NO I dont know if they're "loveless"

but if a character isn't aromantic or at least aspec that's probably cuz i made a concerted effort to think of them as such.

[zukkaoru]

don't go to bsd but sigma and or lucy? :-3

i will do both <3

sigma

Sexuality Headcanon: aroace!!!

Gender Headcanon: i love transfem sigma so much. but also to me their.. idk "birth gender" is not the right term probably but like. the gender they were created as is not strictly male or female. it's sort of both and sort of neither. so transfem sigma to me isn't necessarily male -> fem-aligned; it's closer to intersex -> fem-aligned i guess?

A ship I have with said character: okay so. i usually just say i don't ship sigma with anyone but admittedly,, i have seen some very cute sigsano art that is lowkey converting me BUT there are conditions that must be met for that ship which are 1. sigma is transfem/nonbinary (bc i hc yosano as a lesbian) 2. if it's canon universe, sigma needs to have some time to themself to figure out what they want to do with their life and become comfortable finally living as a person with autonomy over themself. and 3. it's probably closer to a qpr than a typical romantic relationship bc sigma is still definitely on both the aro and ace spectrums also siglai to me is like. not romantic, not platonic, but a secret third thing that is somewhere in between

A BROTP I have with said character: i want to see sigma and lucy interact SO BADLY. i need them to be friends. but also sigma & nikolai!! and sigma & chuuya and sigma & yosano and. please just give her some FRIENDS

A NOTP I have with said character: sigzai. again i will refrain from saying anything else on the matter.

A random headcanon: they know a lot of different card games from around the world and like teaching others how to play them

General Opinion over said character: same as tachi tbh: i see a character with identity issues; i immediately adopt them into my collection <3

lucy

Sexuality Headcanon: bi!!

Gender Headcanon: okay so bigender she/he lucy. hear me out--

A ship I have with said character: montcott again my beloveds <3 also ginlucy is making some points in my mind,,

A BROTP I have with said character: i've already said a lot for her in the other responses to this ask game uhmm i just think she should be friends with everyone also <3 but atsushi & lucy friendship is also something i love so much

A NOTP I have with said character: akulucy ig? idk if people even ship just them together without atsushi but. i hc aku as gay so

A random headcanon: lowkey stolen from/inspired by lena's lucy hcs but she's really into fashion design and loves doodling outfit ideas in her spare time

General Opinion over said character: lucy get BEHIND ME!!! if you hate her bc 1. she "gets in the way of your ship" (no she literally doesn't??) and/or 2. she's too loud / mean / annoying / brash / stubborn / headstrong / etc etc etc. please take a LOOK at the male characters you are fawning over and you will see that they probably share some of the same traits you are villainizing lucy for. she has literally done nothing wrong and i adore her and i will defend her with my life. thank u

[theroundbartable]

Little queer story:

It's one of the few memories I'm very fond of, so there is that :)

Between the ages of 10-14 you can apply for a camp in my village. In German it's called "Zeltlager" and it's an annual event that lasts for 10 days.

However, in some cases, when for example your parents both work at the camp, you can come with sooner. I've known only one of those kids and he was 8 in my first year (I was obviously 10).

This is my Buddyfriend Christian. That's the name I called him during that time based on a Coldmirror Joke (Coldmirror is a German youtuber, known for her satire videos, especially in regards to the HP universe). His name isn't actually Christian but that's precisely why I'm using it.

He kept following me around the entire time on that trip and I thought him a very good friend because people never really sought me out at that time. Even my ex-bff kept abandoning me (she had not applied that year). Of course, we'd receive a lot of comments, like: he's obviously into you, and stuff like that. I think that's why he later distanced himself from me, or his first girlfriend made him do it. The comments made me really insecure but I wouldn't have been mad had he had a crush on me. I mean, we were eight and ten. I just hoped he hung around because we clicked, and not because he found me atrractive (again, never understood the part of relationships where appearance matter, so... I didn't want it to be the reason at that time either.)

I did think it was weird that he was so attached to me but I thought he was lonely until the possibility was brought to my attention. He was very well liked by everyone around him, it was just that he was younger than most. I thought perhaps he hung around because neither of us really fit in, although for different reasons.

As you may know, today I identify as aro/ace (spectrum) and am in a qpr with a female friend.

Today, Christian is friends with my older brother. They reconnected through work and my brother was one of the first people he came out to as gay.

Now, here is the thing. I think we really just did the 'queers recognise each other' thing at the time without noticing.

And I had always been really open about the idea of being queer. Which, in a homophobic village like mine used to be during my growing up, and the type of children I grew up around, is not necessarily a given. But I believe that I was still, somehow, accidentally, raised that way.

My ex-bff had once explained to me that every girl has a gay phase, as her parents explained to her, and so I kept waiting for that phase without it every really materializing (despite my relationship status, I've never thought myself attracted to girls. Or guys. Or- you know what I'm getting at.) But it did seem completely normal to me. If everyone had this phase- and no one specified how long that phase would last, why would I make it a big deal, right? I think I was 7 when I came to that conclusion. I also came to the conclusion that public displays of affection are socially not accepted because my brothers did react rather disgusted when she kissed me.

I was 14 when I had my first fallout with a couple of friends who were rudely talking about a guy from parallel class who was reading yaoi mangas. My thought process at the time was: why do YOU care? He has done nothing to deserve this! He may be reading something smutty but have you READ mangas? (My first manga experience was vampire knight and I stopped when they started with the incest, so who was I to judge, amiright?)

when I turned 16, and was a little more knowledgable about LGBT+ topics because I did some research, one of those friends outed herself as lesbian. I had already known because I wasn't the first person she'd told and my brother had overheard her coming out. It was actually why I DID do research. I wanted to know how I could be there for her. So, I scolded my brother (same from above btw) for telling me because I wanted her to tell me herself. (When she did, I confessed that I didn't know what I was myself, which in hindsight was a bit disrespectful but I didn't want her to feel like she was alone. I didn't know better but it's also a very striking parallel to Alice Oseman's Loveless because that was my exact line! Jesus, you have no idea how often I had to stop reading that book because of how emotional I got and how often I cried! Ahem...)

Back to Christian. I think, maybe, deep down, he sensed that we were somewhat alike. I'm usually very distant with strangers, so to have had someone I clicked with like that without feeling afraid is one of my fondest memories and my fondest friendships of the past. (Especially because that was shortly before my great depression phase where I believed that everyone hated me.)

Should you ever read this, my buddyfriend Christian, you're awesome. It's sad that we grew apart and have no reason to really reconnect, but I do miss u sometimes. And I hope you and your boyfriend are well. I wish I could have been there for you during your coming out. But I'm glad you didn't have to experience me during puberty. I sucked.

[drowninginredink]

Any aro/aro-spec hcs for asoue? :)

Yes! Absolutely! Let's go in order from most to least canon!

Lemony Snicket is the most demiromantic and demisexual character to have ever existed and I don't need to say anything else about that.

Montgomery Montgomery literally said "I always meant to find a wife and start a family, but it just keep slipping my mind." That is the single most aro thing I have ever heard.

Similarly, I do not remember what the exact quote is for this one, but Justice Strauss has never married because her one true love is the law. I hate Justice Strauss but that is pretty solid proof that she's aro.

Bertrand Baudelaire. I love aro Bertrand so much. I've got a post about a particular way aroace Bertrand could play out, but like, even if we aren't going with that version of events, I still love aro Bertrand. Aroallo, aroace, just aro, whatever. I love the idea that he was Beatrice's aro best friend that she ended up marrying when romance proved to be too risky in their field.

I really love the idea of Kit as aro (allo) and Dewey was the one relationship she was really able to feel comfortable in. I mean she's probably more aro-spec than aro, but I don't feel like she's a microlabel person. Her and Dewey's relationship is officially romantic, but there's something of a QPR-esque understanding between them. Also they are the most bi4bi couple I have ever seen. Kit is polyamorous and Dewey is monogamous but is totally fine with her having relationships outside of theirs. Look, I know no one ever likes the canon ships in anything, but I really love Kit and Dewey and have spent a lot of time thinking about them and have written almost 4k words of a Kit/Dewey fic I'll probably never finish but do really like.

I have no actual reason that Fernald is aroallo except that I say so and one day I want to write a fic about him and Kit in a situationship. But. He is. He is alloaro and that's the truth.

As for the Baudelaires, I don't have any solid orientation headcanons for them. The answer is usually "I don't care" unless I'm writing a fic where being queer makes them more interesting (shout-out to that lesbian Violet fic I wrote that's on FFN and one day I'll completely overhaul and put on AO3). That said, I do absolutely see Violet and Klaus as not getting into romantic relationships at the very least until after Beatrice and Sunny are adults, because they'd rather stay together as their own family unit, if they ever get into them at all. I see Violet and Klaus staying together even after Sunny and Bea move out and have their own lives. I think they would just rather have each other around than anyone else. Does that make them aro? Not necessarily. Plenty of alloromantic people never get married/have long-term partners, and plenty of aromantics do. But I still think it bears mentioning here. (Sorry to everyone who thinks they'll join back up and get together with the Quagmire they prefer to ship them with, but uh... yeah no, I don't think they see the Quagmires ever again)

[stargazer0001]

I wanna talk abt my Monk

Monk. A small, quiet, shy little dude. Except no that's the opposite of my Monk. Monk wants murder, and bloodshed, and chaos. Even tho they are not really good at fighting with a spear, they have a lizards to help them. I really like the idea of looking adorable, but being an absolute menace to society. It's kinda funny. They have murdered, and they will do it again. Except no one suspects it was them who is killing because oh it's Monk, a sweet little caring polite baby! They can do no harm! The only ones who know about Monk's true nature are Survivor and Hunter because siblings know all. Yes, I made Hunter an older sibling to Survivor and Monk bc I got those vibes. I do alot of random things for no reason other than I felt like it. Monk is also aroace. They don't want love, they want murder. Speaking of murder, they have killed probably at least 13 other slugcats, and plenty of scavengers. Monk will never hurt or kill a lizard tho bc lizards are besties. I'm gonna stop talking abt Monk now because I still need to think of more things to talk about. Byee

Edit: Monk and Enot are qpr because yes. Enot, the sweet wholesome slightly horny guy with this insane little murderer who is half their size. Perfection. Monk is very attached to Enot, even though they don't show it that much, and Enot is this absolute cuddle bug who shows all the affection. ITS SO CUTE- I may or may not kinda like Monk x Enot but bc Monk is aroace in this AU they are just qpr. Expect some Monk and Enot art. Not necessarily ship art, just two dudes (gender neutral) hanging out.

[aro-culture-is]

Hope it's okay to ask this here, sorry if not

I have a qpp, we are long distance so don't see each other often. Now they were able to visit me some time ago and all the time leading up to it I was excited about that.

But when they actually got here my brain sudfenly switched to avoidance. We've seen each other once again since then and it's been the same, when I see them in real life I just do not want to interact with them. Haven't really interacted on the internet as much since then butvwhen we did it's fine for my brain.

It's just really confusing to me because it happened so suddenly and I've never heard about something like this before. I always thought if you don't feel an attraction to someone anymore it happens more slowly? So yeah, any ideas about that?

Honestly, this is a pretty difficult question to answer. Outside of the attraction and aromanticism warehouse, I'd actually like to point to the psychological aspects of this.

It's pretty common to be excited about something, and then get spontaneously anxious the day of. They're pretty related, even! And while I don't specifically know you, I know I have an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and I struggle a lot with my personal connections with others. I want to have people around me, I crave affection and care and all that comes with that - and I'm so terrified of it I regularly self-sabotage to avoid the possibility that I may receive that affection. I'm terrified of accepting it. I'll plan for weeks for a fun outing, and then the day comes and I want to vanish into the aether, tell them nothing, and live out a life of exile.

And I don't feel in that moment that I'm necessarily afraid of their affection. I subconsciously blame anything and everything else. I'll wonder if I'm sick (ignoring that I haven't taken my meds yet, and I always wake up a little unwell). I'll feel like there's some weird tension between my friends and I (and ignore that there's no concrete evidence, not ask them or allow that person the agency to speak their side, assume the worst of my closest friends). Etc, etc.

I'm not going to arm-chair diagnose you from my apartment at 4 in the morning. but i do want to provide the thought that while this could be about attraction, it could also be something to talk to a therapist about, talk to your qpr about, and consider through the perspective of your personal history with affection, interpersonal relationships, and if you've recently had negative experiences with those.

i hope this helps!

[jankwritten]

i just saw somebody do this and it made me want to do it as well. For me, these headcanons are largely subject to the AU that I'm writing or the version of canon that I'm working with (PJO versus HoO versus ToA etc. etc.) so some of these may contradict!!!! and that's okay baby we love them anyway. the idea is from @/s3okj (I'm not entirely sure if they're okay with being tagged). Also this got really long so I'm putting the actual HC under the cut SORRY

(some of) my lgbt pjo/hoo headcanons

Percy: bisexual almost always, though he also fluctuates between being aromantic/asexual or some blend therein. I also tend to hc that he forms really close, non-romantic bonds with people that are often misconstrued as romantic (Grover, Piper, Nico, etc. etc.) but that he is polyam which makes it fun when he's trying to explain who is his boyfriend/girlfriend versus his nonromantic partner.

He uses he/him pronouns more often than not, but sometimes he winds up with he/they pronouns (or even he/they/she pronouns) in AUs where he leaves camp for some time to himself and meets some mortals. I think that if asked, he would describe himself as genderqueer/genderfluid. I do usually headcanon him as AMAB.

Annabeth: I almost always hc her as biromantic asexual. That is in part because I hc the Athena cabin in general to have a predilection for asexuality ngl. I HC that she doesn't necessarily identify as polyam, but that she is okay with being in a polya relationship, she just only tends to keep maybe one or two romantic partners herself in that case.

This one is actually very new in that I've not used it in any writing yet, but now I hc that she is a trans girl and uses she/her pronouns.

Grover: TBH I don't write him as much as I should, considering. I would say he's...biromantic but heterosexual? I think? That's kind of where I'm leaning, I think that he labels himself that way but that he's only really ever had a crush on one boy, and then he met Juniper and it was game over for him.

Again, I've never really written him, so I haven't had time to develop any "non-canon" HC for his gender. In my head he's a cis male who uses he/him pronouns.

Thalia: I love hc Thalia as aroace but with a tendency to form QPRs with people because of her feelings of being abandoned by her mom. I think that she cares really really deeply for people, but that she's never really experienced what people always describe as "love".

Thalia in my mind is very "just call me whatever you want to call me", but she DOES like when people pull out the non-she pronouns. I hc her as a cis female.

Nico: My boy! Nico to me is homosexual but biromantic. sometimes he's biromantic asexual (can you see a trend with these so far hm it's almost like I ~project~) but more often than not he's allo. I think he just loves so much sometimes that he doesn't really know what to do with himself (he's polyam in my HC as well which I think he'd be scared of), not to mention the fact that he wasn't really raised in a way that let him explore identities etc. I think that he doesn't realize he's biromantic because he didn't realise that the way he experiences romantic attraction could be different from the way he experiences sexuality (I also HC that either Will or Percy is the one who taught him the language to differentiate). OH AND HE'S ALMOST ALWAYS DEMISEXUAL!!! I nearly forgot about that one.

He is the one who flip flops most consistently between being trans and cis, it really genuinely just comes down to the story I'm telling at the time. He goes by he/him no matter what, he finds they/them pronouns uncomfortable (for himself) but is more than happy to help his friends experiment with pronouns.

Will: now THIS BOY. is truly the most unpredictable he could be really just any thing in any given story (except straight, normally he's not straight). I think that he really enjoys the blanket term "queer" and feels very comfortable with that as his label. He's almost never aro/ace, but he'd be comfortable in a relationship with an ace person. I do hc him as polyam sometimes.

He is almost always a trans man in my writing, even if it's not explicitly or implicitly stated. He uses he/they pronouns, though the "they" days are pretty rare and he will tell people if that's his preferred pronoun that day. He also has an ATROCIOUS sense of fashion (that's not a gender/sexuality hc I just think it's funny to dunk on him).

Piper: Another very recent addition to my average HC, but I do see her as biromantic. I think that she'd identify as asexual, but that she's like "Eh" about it, like she's fine either way, she just uses the label kind of as a way to say "I probably won't ever initiate this kind of thing". I also HC that she doesn't realize that she's ace until after her relationship with Jason. I do also think she has a preference for women, but is okay dating men too.

I get very she/they lesbian vibes from Piper. She identifies as nonbinary and LOVES playing with fashion as a means to express herself. I think that she and Percy are fucking killer at coming up with GNC outfits for one another.

Jason: oh, another one of my BOYS okay. So Jason is another one of those ones that kind of fluctuates a lot depending on the story I'm telling. I think I'd say that like Nico, he's homosexual but biromantic, but with WAY more of a penchant towards aro/ace vibes. He's almost always demisexual, and I think he struggles a lot with his attraction to women - I think that he'd feel like a horrible person for a while after he figures out that he's romantically but not sexually attracted to women, because he gets it in his head that that means he's misogynistic/inherently abusive somehow. I tend to HC that he's always known that he was attracted to men but he's always ASSUMED that he was attracted to women as well, and that's where his views of himself get challenged the most, in his relationship with Piper. I also hc him as polyam, but very selectively so - he would only be okay with dating a select few people. He wouldn't mind if his partner had other partners, though.

For a long time Jason was just a cis he/him male in my head, but recently I've been persuaded to the HC that he's trans. I think that it's another thing he's just always known about himself though, like ever since he was a little kid he's always known that he's a boy. Most of the time when I write him he's still cis, but in more of my recent stuff (and hockey AU) he's trans.

Frank: Again, I don't really write Frank as much as I should, considering. I think that he's never really put much thought to his identity, but that he wouldn't necessarily call himself straight either. He's not necessarily asexual, but he's not entirely not, either, and it's kind of the same for his romantic attraction - he's not necessarily into people, but at the same time, he does on occasion "catch feelings" for people (like Leo or Hazel). I think that he's very comfortable existing in his definitively grey-area. I think when someone asks what he is, he says, "I dunno," shrugs, and moves on.

I get cis male he/him vibes, but again, I haven't written much of his character, so that could change. I do think the idea of him identifying as agender could be interesting, like maybe sometimes when he shifts animal forms he's not a male animal and he feels the same way when he's in his human form. That could be interesting.

Leo: here's a fucking doozy. Leo is the most homophobic bisexual guy you will ever meet /hj he's like. So unaware of his attraction to men that he circles around to being weird and an asshole about it, like he's trying so hard to not see that part of himself that he shits on attraction to males in general, all while drooling over his best friend's biceps on the reg. So I DO think that he's bisexual (sometimes he's even just flat out gay) but it would take a pretty drastic thing to happen for him to realize it.

This dude made attack helicopter jokes until Jason or Nico dropped it on him that he's trans one day fr fr. Leo is such that eighth grade bully kind of vibe in my head when it comes to sexuality and gender, he's the kid who's soooo repressed and in the closet that he lashes out at any hint of the LGBT just so people will never attempt to associate it with him. I do think that once he gets his head out of his ass about it, he would identify with he/him pronouns (and privately use it/its pronouns with Festus, though I feel like that's more of him being a downer on himself and removing his own humanness on the days when he's feeling particularly Disconnected from people, ala the Tism. This is not to say that I view it/its pronouns as dehumanizing, I just think that that's how Leo would use them against himself, does that make sense?). So yeah, Leo's an asshole cis male he/him "I don't use pronouns" typa guy /j.

Hazel: I think that she's pretty solidly straight and allo in my mind, but she's also the kind of person who is VERY close to her female friends, to the point that it's sometimes misconstrued as attraction. I think that she's just a very physically affectionate, friendly kind of person and that that reads, in some situations, like she's coming on to people. I do think that's she's very well read on LGBT stuff, and that she kind of was even before Nico came out to her, like I feel as if during her time at Camp Jupiter no matter how limited it was, she discovered some myths with LGBT topics and it FASCINATED her.

She would experiment with pronouns all the time, but I think that she's, at the end of the day, a cis she/her female. I do like to think she's comfortable with any pronouns though, and will sometimes introduce herself with he/him pronouns around kids he suspects might be trans.

Reyna: Reyna is yet ANOTHER character I don't do enough with. I think that she's very firmly aro/ace but that she's constantly at war with herself over the aro part of it, because she experience very very deep platonic bonds with people, like Jason. She's convinced that that is romantic love, even though if anyone asked if she wanted to marry Jason/kiss Jason etc. etc. she'd immediately say no. I think she would eventually settle on idenifying as an asexual lesbian and then just never date anybody ever.

For some reason, I do see Reyna as trans. I think that maybe she didn't realize until on Circe's island or something (i can't remember enough of her canonical past rn to really piece together a proper headcanon) but that she is a trans female who uses she/they pronouns.

Rachel: I guess I kind of have no HC for Rachels sexuality? I'd say ace, because of the whole oracle thing, but I also believe that that was just a copout for Riordan to not have to pursue a love triangle with her anymore so fuck that at the same time. I just think that Rachel is Rachel and she's doing whatever the hell she wants to in that funky cave of hers.

I can see her being genderfluid for some reason, maybe the whole artsy side we see during the canonical books. I just like genderfluid characters alright, sue me.

[alex-writes-things]

How to Write An Aromantic Or Asexual Character

Right, so, I already made a post on this last summer. However, I’ve realised that it wasn’t very accurate, and since there were so many suggestions in the comments I’ve decided to make a new, improved version. I hope you find this helpful and enjoy including some excellent representation!

This is using my own experience, notes from others, and my research on the topic. I’ve spent many nights twisting and turning and researching different orientations and labels that could fit me, and although now I’ve decided on queer (though I’m openly acespec) that research has come in handy!

What does ‘aromantic’ mean?

Someone who is aromantic feels little to no romantic attraction or desire. They may be romance repulsed, but not always. 

What does ‘asexual’ mean?

Someone who is asexual feels little to no sexual attraction or desire. They may be sex repulsed, but not always.

Is that it?

No! There’s a whole massive spectrum of identities that fall under the aspectrum, including demisexual, demiromantic, greyromantic and greyromantic (but there are many more than this). Definitions for these can be found online, and on social media accounts dedicated to aro/ace experiences, such as @justaroacethings or you can ask me!

Struggles related to asexuality and aromanticism

I think my asexuality was and is the hardest thing to come to terms with about my sexuality and identity. Most days, it’s something I’m proud of, and though I don’t shout about it, and I haven’t told my family, it actually makes me quite happy.

If you’re not aromantic or asexual or somewhere on the spectrum yourself, while I urge you to have aro and ace characters in your stories, please avoid writing a story about these experiences. However, it’s important to know what can be hard for us! Amatanormativity and allonormativity make us victims, and teach society that we are inhuman, and teach us that we aren’t acceptable. This is wrong, but it is something many of us struggle with and it doesn’t hurt to mention in the story!

HOWEVER: WE ARE NOT INHERENTLY SAD OR ASHAMED. BEING ARO/ACE IS COOL AND A LOT OF US ARE PROUD, SO PLEASE, HAVE A PROUD CHARACTER, BECAUSE WE NEED MORE OF THOSE!

Don’t aspec people get lonely?

Well, firstly, romantic and sexual relationships aren’t the only kinds of love and aren’t the only sources of happiness! We can have friends, family, pets, and date (yes, even aromantics, because attraction doesn’t equate to action) and there are also things called QPRs (queerplatonic relationships) which are really cool and might be good to look into!

Do’s for writing aromantic characters

- let them have friends and family and people around them that they love or that love them

- state that they’re aro, if they know and the world is one in which aromanticism is known of. if not, let them describe their feelings! even if there’s no word to describe it, it’s not too difficult to communicate!

- consider whether they feel awkward in romantic situations, and whether they’ve had a relationship in the past, whether it failed, made them realise they were aro/arospec, or even if it worked!

- you don’t need to include the hardships they face, but if you think you can do that well and it will add to the story ask me or an aro/ace friend to have a look over it!

- remember that they can still experience sexual attraction!!

Don’ts for writing aromantic characters

- don’t make them sad and lonely. this enforces amatanormativity and the idea that you need romance to live a happy life!

- they don’t need to be afraid of affection and physical contact. i’ve met aros who only felt repulsed by these things when clearly they were romantic gestures.

- don’t make being aromantic their only personality trait

- please don’t enforce the stereotype that they are rude and unloving- this isn’t true. 

- don’t make them hate themself for being aro. this is harmful and although is sadly sometimes the case, it’s not something we need to see in fiction

Dos for writing asexual characters

- give them a romantic partner if that’s something they want

- remember that while some aces are sex repulsed, not all are, and we aren’t necessarily scared of sex!

- once again, give them friends and family too if they want that!

-  state that they’re ace, if they know and the world is one in which asexuality is known of. if not, let them describe their feelings! even if there’s no word to describe it, it’s not too difficult to communicate!

- consider how they may feel in intimate situations 

Don’ts for writing asexual characters

- don’t make them afraid of physical contact

- don’t make them sad and lonely because of their asexuality

- don’t make being ace their only personality trait

- don’t sexualise or fetishize them (or anyone!!)

- don’t focus on how ‘abnormal’ they are, because it’s not true! 

What is repulsion like?

Repulsion can be nausea, anxiety, feeling uncomfortable, feeling irritated or frustrated, or an urge to run away etc. There’s not only one way to experience this. 

Conclusion

Everyone experiences being on the aspectrum so differently- these are just some tips to help you better understand these identities and hopefully better your representation and make a deep, inoffensive aro/ace character!

[simplyqueerplatonic]

Hi again thanks for answering my last ask, I've come back to you for input?? (Brief mentions of sexuality)

So like to summarize real quick, I have Friend™, we've had romantic history but I broke it off bc I was uncomfortable with the romance (can't pinpoint the exact reasons, probably something to do with my orientation and long distance tho). So now we've been amazing friends for a while and I'm so happy with our relationship. But I suddenly felt uncomfortable being called friend by them. Even though it was like, literally best friend in the universe type of thing ykno? It feels. Just, not right. I think this person is more than a friend, but not a romantic partner. Aside from ofc us engaging in behaviours that society would brand romantic (we're fine, not viewing it as rom), bc of amatonormativity. I think I've kinda mentioned to them before that I can't say just friend, like I've said the word doesn't feel encompassing enough, so I just say she's special and stuff ykno. Now I'm just at a conflict. I'm sure it's not romantic, or at least MOSTLY sure, bc I'm fine with what we are now, although maybe I just wish I could say "I love you" non romantically but eh well I make do. But like, I'm not sure if I would be comfortable, in the hypothetical scenario that she'd get a crush on someone else or end up in a romantic relationship. I want us to be committed to each other. Or at least, like in some kinda way. Is this like, valid? This must be common with qpr people right? Like I'd be fine if she wanted to have s/xual encounters (not relationships but encounters) with other people bc I'd do that too but I just, Idk. Thoughts?

Of course this is valid! This is what you're experiencing. I have a few things to say about this so apologies if it gets quite long.

I'm sure there are people with a similar experience with qprs. A lot of people find the word a suggest it to a person they're particularly close to in a (not exclusively) romantic way and they go "that's us that's the word for it!". It's also not an uncommon experience to engage in sexual activities with a queerplatonic partner so again you definitely aren't alone in what you're feeling.

Not being comfortable with the idea that she might end up in a romantic relationship, and wanting you two to be committed to each other is probably also a shared feeling. I can't personally relate since I'm polyaffectionate so I have no issue with a potential partner being in romantic relationship in terms of it being another committed relationship. However, I can relate in the sense that I'd be worried our relationship would be pushed aside because a lot of people tend to (unconsciously) prioritise romantic relationships because of how prevalent amatonormativity is. This is probably a common experience, especially among aros who wish to engage in qprs. This is something that should definitely be communicated at the inception of a relationship.

It sounds like all you really want to change in your relationship with this person is your level of commitment, which I think is something worth discussing with your friend, even if you don't become qpps.

"I'm sure it's not romantic, or at least MOSTLY sure, bc I'm fine with what we are now, although maybe I just wish I could say "I love you" non romantically"

My final thoughts are about the above sentence but the idea is prevalent throughout. Have you ever heard of alterous attraction? It's a form of tertiary attraction characterised by a desire for (the continuation of) emotional closeness that isn't necessarily romantic or platonic. The way I usually experience it is like a warm fuzzy feeling but also a sense of safety and comfort with a person but the feeling is also different depending on which person I'm attracted to. Furthermore, from speaking to other people, their experience of alterous attraction can be completely different from mine. My point is I would highly recommend looking more into alterous attraction because it might explain how you're feeling.

I hope my thoughts have been helpful and that you figure things out with you friend :)

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

hi im aro and i think i want to be in a qpr with my best friend but i dont feel like i know enough about that to suggest it? hes kind of in love with me and while i dont know if i feel romantically about him at all, i do feel more strongly for him than like any person ever and lately have been thinking way too much about kissing him.

im nd and i have a very hard time figuring out my own emotions even when they only really impact me, so i had been trying to like sort through it all so i would have a specific thing to tell him (like whether i wanted to date him again or idk i wanted to bring up once i understood it all. i dont like not knowing what comes next)

unfortunately that didn't work out and it all ended up in conversation last night. he's very supportive of me and wants to give me time to figure it out but i know that as much as he says that he would like a response sooner than later (and so would i really)

i had mostly jokingly? suggeste like friends with benefits type thing and he was like "so best friends who make out?" and i was like 'yes!!!' that's perfect that's like yeah. but then he said that would basically be dating and he didn't say it in like harsh way or anything but i over think absolutely everything so I've been trying to figure out if there is something like more than that to dating or if there's not and I'm just being scared of change and labels and other people or if its like the same thing and? sorry this is longer than i had planned but i already wrote it twice and i don't think a third time will clarify it any better

So for the this ask, when I use the word platonic I'm going to mean it strictly in the non-romantic sense.

So what makes something platonic vs romantic is intent. What makes making out and being good friends platonic rather than romantic? You've decided it is. And what makes that relationship non-romantic is that you've defined it that way.

I think this what makes it so confusing and throws off a lot of people. Unlike sex, there aren't clear markers for what makes something romantic. And there's very few, if any actions that are purely romantic. And a lot of things we've decided are romantic like dating, giving flowers, etc. are social constructs specific to our culture.

But I think because it's hard for people to define romance, and because so much of what is romance or not is determined internally and not something you can spot from the outside, we've created a lot of societal assumptions to determine if a thing is romantic or not (they're not accurate, and a lot of them are also very heteronormative). And one of the big assumptions you see a lot if there's things like kissing, sex, etc. involved people also assume it's romantic. And it can be difficult sometimes for people to unpack that and see sensuality and sexuality as separate things from romance and all three things as things that can exist independently without the others.

So yeah, it can definitely be difficult to deconstruct that and it sounds like maybe that's one of the roadblocks you and your friend are having. Definitely it may be worth time to sit down together and just have a discussion on what is romance, what makes something romantic vs platonic and for you specifically because you're aro what you interpret as romantic vs not is really important here. It may also help to discuss romantic vs platonic vs sensual too as separate concepts.

What makes something romantic or not is something that will vary a lot between individuals, we all have our own definitions of what is and isn't romantic to us. And for aros looking to do a QPR it can also help a lot to see what they feel is romantic or not because that can also be a factor in what they're comfortable with in a QPR or not. An obvious example being if you don't see making out as romantic, then it makes it easier to be comfortable doing that and not defining it as romantic.

For knowing about QPRs, I don't know how much research you necessarily have to do. Though of course it won't hurt. Looking at how other people have done QPRs may be useful for you too to get ideas. But because they're very individualized, and because every QPR looks different, I think the more important factor is figuring out what a QPR looks like for you. And what you'd be comfortable with or interested in doing. So two big questions to ask will be what you're comfortable with and what you want specifically and are these things compatible with your friend. It may take time to work out, and may take trial and error. But it's all about you two and what works for both of you.

Definitely listen to your feelings. If you're not comfortable with something that's OK. If you get a feeling of yes! like you did with the concept of 'best friends who make out' that's something you should listen to too.

All the best, Anon! And good luck!

[pluviophile-imagines]

Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

[entity9silvergen]

My Oriented Aroace Headcanons From 8 Fandoms

Oriented Aroace is an aspec identity where someone does not experience sexual or romantic attraction but experience other forms of attraction in a way that causes another nonaspec label describing sexuality to feel significant enough to have a place alongside one’s aroace identity. For more information on this term, here is the info page on the oriented aroace subreddit and here is the wiki page on it.

Headcanon is a subbranch of fanon, meaning headcanon is something generally not accepted as canon but some fans choose to believe about the original content. In the queer community, it is common to headcanon characters as queer. Sometimes it’s with good reason, sometimes it’s just because we like the characters, sometimes it’s because we see something of ourselves within the characters. 

Here are some of my oriented aroace headcanons.

1. Sai (Naruto)

This is by far my favorite aroace headcanon but I don’t talk about it much because I don’t want to support the stereotype that aromantics are heartless or that asexuals are traumatized. In Naruto Shippuden, Sai is a character who does not experience emotions after an illegal black ops organization killed his brother and brain washed him. He does, however, recover his emotions and learns to be very in touch with them. In Boruto, he is married to Ino and has a son named Inojin.

I headcanon Sai as pan-oriented aroace, possibly demialterous as well, but he experiences some degree of internalized homophobia and aphobia which leads him to pursue a romantic relationship with Ino. I don’t doubt that he loves her, he definitely does but I don’t think he loves her in the same way that she loves him. I wrote about this for Aromantic Writing Month. I believe that Sai initially started courting Ino because that was what was expected of him. Ino went along with it because she is attracted to him. At some point she probably realized Sai doesn’t quite feel the same way as her but they talked about it and continued their relationship as a allo-aspec qpr.

2. Rook Blonko (Ben 10) 

Rook Blonko is Ben’s (work) partner in Ben 10: Omniverse. He is an alien from the planet Revonnah. When we see his homeplanet, we learn that he is very attractive by Revonnahgander and all the local girls are interested in him but he is bothered by it, only showing affection for one girl named Rayona. They end up dating later in the series. A couple villains show interest in Rook as well and he is usually bothered by it or has mixed feelings with no desire for reciprocation. 

I headcanon him as hetero-angled aroace, specifically gray/ frayromantic and acespike. Gray romanticism means that someone is aromantic but can experience some kind of limited romantic attraction or experiences romantic attraction under specific circumstances. Frayromantic is essentially the opposite of demiromantic. Someone may experience romantic attraction that fades as they get to know the other person. Acespike means that someone is asexual but can sometimes experience spikes of sexual attraction. 

If you have seen the show, you may know where my thoughts are coming from. Rook mostly shows romantic interest in Rayona before they start dating. Once they’re in a relationship, their feelings seem very platonic and their relationship is much like a qpr. This may be because of their age, lack of experience, or their culture but I’d like to imagine that Rayona feels the same way as Rook and they are in a qpr.

The only other character Rook has shown interest in is Isosceles Vreedle. He is briefly attracted her during a battle but doesn’t seem to have any intent on acting on his feelings (presumably because he is in a relationship). He seems to be aware that this is out of character for him, which leads me to believe that he is acespike. 

3. Alain (Pokémon)

Alain is the star of the Mega Evolution specials and Ash’s main rival in the Kalos League. I headcanon him as gay-oriented aroace.

I don’t have much of a reason for this. Headcanons don’t necessarily need reasons but I’m still going to try to explain this one.

He never has any romantic interests in the show, probably because we don’t see much of him and his story is very focused on his Pokémon training. There are many characters who are solely focused on Pokemon training and that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re aroace but with Alain, I can’t really see him ever wanting to settle down or pursue a relationship though and he doesn’t seem like a women’s man. 

His perfect life is retiring young from a decent battle career on a Pokemon ranch where he works as a Pokemon professor, giving out starter pokemon and providing a place for trainers to send their pokemon when their parties are full. He won’t have many visitors but maybe he’ll have a close companion to keep him company and help out with any projects he’s working on.

4. Toph (Avatar: The Last Airbender/ The Legend Of Korra)

Toph is Aang’s earthbending teacher in ATLA, the founder of metalbending in the comics, and Lin and Suyin’s mother in TLOK. I headcanon her as sapphic or trixic-oriented aroace.

Sapphic and trixic are both non-exclusive terms for attraction to women but sapphic is specifically for women and trixic is for non-binary people. Canonically, Toph is a girl but she is very free spirited and independent and I feel like she wouldn’t let something like gender limit her.

In TLOK, Toph does mention that she tried to have relationships with Lin and Suyin’s fathers but it didn’t really work out. I imagine that Toph is sex favorable and likes sex as kind of a fun way to enjoy herself but does not experience sexual attraction nor does she feel a need to have regular partners. Similar goes for romance. She is romance-indifferent but does not like it much.

The lesbian Toph headcanon is a popular one. Not really sure why but Toph seems like a ladies’ woman. She likes to have her fun and she just finds women to be better companions than men in these aspects. She doesn’t get attatched easily though and she’s not really into the commitment. 

5. Korvo (Solar Opposites)

Again, I feel like this plays into a stereotype that I don’t want to support but these are my headcanons and I will do with them as I want. Korvo is an alien who is having a hard time adjusting to living on Earth. We know that his species has no biological sex and do not reproduce sexually but many of them choose genders, enjoy sexual activity, and pursue romantic relationships. I headcanon Korvo as bi-oriented aroace, possibly bi-electio aroace.

I have not seen the most recent season but in season 1, Korvo is mostly uninterested in anything outside of returning the ship. We have seen him in real no romantic contexts but he and Terry are co-parents of sorts. We also see him in a couple of sexual contexts. When he got zapped by a ray that removed his intelligence, he tried humping Terry and when he and Terry tried going to college, he remained on his side of his and Terry’s shared bed when Terry brought home sexual partners.

I don’t think Terry and Korvo are in a relationship or a qpr but am not completely opposed to the idea. My point was just that we know he isn’t repulsed by the idea of doing traditionally romantic or sexual things with someone who is masculine in nature. I think he could also appreciate what a woman brings to the table, as seen when he built a robot to fulfill the role of wife and mother in the house.

I don’t think Korvo is interested in a relationship but he does value the companionship and wouldn’t be unhappy with a partner. He may struggle to maintain a partnership but I don’t think gender would be much of a factor.

6. Todd Chavez (BoJack Horseman)

Todd is BoJack’s off-and-on best friend/ roommate. Canonically, he is asexual and heteroromantic (presumably, all we know for sure is that he is alloromantic). I headcanon him as straight-oriented aroace, specifically heteroqueerpatonic and panplatonic.

I love that Todd is canonically asexual and I appreciate that they showed an asexual character who is not aromantic. But, all of Todd’s relationships have that queerplatonic vibe. When he described the kind of relationship he wanted with Emily, it didn’t sound like a romantic relationship. What he had with Yolanda certainly wasn’t romantic. Maybe it was just the writing but Todd seemed most happy when his relationship resembled a qpr. When he was dating Maude, the lines between romance and friendship were blurry and they seemed very happy, and that included not doing traditionally romantic things like getting married.

I could also see Todd as greyromantic. For him, I feel like having a label isn’t really that big of a deal. Being able to say he was asexual was a big deal for him but he just wants to be himself and find whatever makes him happy. Sex and a traditional romantic relationship don’t really seem to be a part of that.

7. Silver Surfer (Marvel Comics)

Again, this isn’t one I talk about much because I don’t want to support the stereotype that aromantics or asexuals are inhuman or lacking emotion. Before becoming the Silver Surfer, Norrin Radd is in a relationship on his home planet and he does express interest in a few women after becoming the Silver Surfer. I headcanon him as straight-oriented aroace.

Some of it may have to do with Galactus’s interference. Maybe not. The Surfer doesn’t need sex or romance (no one does but you catch my drift) but he doesn’t really want it either. Sometimes it is portrayed from a sense of duty but we don’t really know what he’s feeling. He’s been one of my favorite characters for years so I may just be projecting but it feels right.

He can get lonely. He wants a companion but I don’t think he’d want a romantic one or even a queerplatonic partner. He’d be most happy with a friend and he’d get all the fulfillment he needs from one. A romantic partner might be a bit too much.

8. Gina Linetti (Brooklyn 99)

Gina is Jake’s childhood friend, Captain Holt’s assistant, and Boyle’s... something. I’ve seen a lot of headcanons that she is pansexual but I headcanon her as heteroflexible-oriented aroace.

Gina, like Toph, is just kind of doing her own thing. I feel like she’d be sex favorable and romance indifferent. Sex is fun, relationships are alright, she’s just living her best life. Men are nice, women are too. She’s just living life and rocking with whatever rolls her way.

When she has her daughter, she does want to settle down a bit but not with a man. She loves the kid and steps up to her new responsibility but she doesn’t let it change her. She’s still as wild and free and she doesn’t want or need anyone.

[being-demisexual]

Hiii

I hope this is okay to ask as it isn't really about demi but about romantic attraction, please feel free to not answer if you feel that this ask doesn't fit with this blog.

For about a year/ a couple months now I was slowly starting to overthing if I'm aro and it has been giving me so much stress it's honestly ridiculous.

Short story of important things in my life: I never really felt aromantic. Since a small child I liked the stereotypical films about princesses and princes and all that stuff. I had crushes on boys, at least I think so... For me it was being interested in the idea of dating them, to be specific.

Ages 13-16, so middle school here, I was getting aware that I was asexual- though I found this term only at the end of middle school as being a then christian in a largely christian country I honestly was largely unaware that lgbt was even a thing. I still liked the idea of getting a boyfriend, though I was getting aware it will be harder for me to find someone since the whole dont-want-sex thing. I was also largely imagining that if I find a person it will probably be someone I'm already friends with at least to some extent.

Well skip to me now, single for a few months now, after a 2-year relationship with my ex girlfriend and ex best friend... Somehow having a mild existential crisis if I might have not noticed that I'm aromantic, feeling like an impostor. The thing it, my ex changed their identity to demisexual, previously identifying as asexual during our relationship- which is totally fine and I had no issues with that, to be clear. Before she told me though, unconsciously I've been noticing we're a bit different in how we experience attraction and Istarted to fear if I should feel more, if romantic attraction should be a physical feeling and not just "I want to spend my life with them, I like being close and hugging, cuddling, kissing even if for the most part I don't feel anything physical from it." That maybe I don't know myself and I've been accidentally "faking". There was a period of maybe half a year when I did feel a bit more, but it could have been some leftover crazy hormones, I have no idea. I can also be rather reserved in public and so I preferred to save more intimate gestures than hand holding/a hug/ a fast kiss for a private place. Being questioned if I'm aro in the falling out part of the relationship really stung me and clearly didn't help with this issue, even though after some time she apologized, it's still eating away at the back of my brain.

So I'm writing all this to ask you, can you try to describe what romantic attraction is like to you? Do you literally feel something physically or is it more desires to be close to someone and thoughts?

Now that I'm single I'm scared of both never finding anyone again and of finding someone but making them feel unloved with how I express my feelings and messing it up again.

I dug at AVEN for answers too and found people describe romantic attraction both ways and I'm still not at peace with myself somehow, but maybe one more description will at least help with it a bit. I just want some internal peace :,(. I might be a bit desperate to find it.

Thank you for reading all this, and sorry for the long text, I felt like it's necessary to my situation

Hi there! I’ll give answering this my best shot, but probably not in the way you exactly want. I don’t really know what romantic attraction is, but it seems highly variable from person to person. Some people like a lot of PDA, some don’t. Some people find cuddling important, others want to celebrate a lot of little anniversaries (first date, first kiss, etc). I think it really does differ from person to person. I’ve never even been on a single date, let alone developed a romantic attraction to a person. 

That being said, I feel like I have the answer for you. Have you, in all your digging on AVEN, heard of the term QPR? It stands for queer platonic relationship. A lot of exclusionists like to paint this as just being friends, but its deeper than that. 

See, a lot of aro people desire companionship and commitment but without the dating part. A lot of aro people want someone to give them hugs, hold their hands, or maybe even kiss, but without the expectation of romantic feelings or actions, like going on dates and such. This is where a QPR comes in, which is basically a very committed, platonic partnership. I love my best friend, but I wouldn’t move in with her, adopt a per with her, or put her on my life insurance plan as a beneficiary. Those are all things you do with a spouse or romantic partner, or a QPR. You wouldn’t need to counsel your best friend before taking a new job to see if it’s financially responsible to do so, you wouldn’t need to discuss moving across the country for different opportunities with them, you wouldn’t put them on your health insurance plan. You would with a QPR. 

Most human living is designed to be done, at minimum, with two people. Most human living is better done in communities, but I digress. Almost everyone wants companionship and life partners, but they don’t have to be romantic or sexual in nature. It is probably worth seriously considering if a QPR style “relationship” is something you might want. If you don’t care about having sex and don’t have romantic feelings towards anyone, then you might be aromantic asexual - aroace. That absolutely DOES NOT mean that you are doomed to spend the rest of your life alone.

Also, if you don’t think a QPR sounds right for you, or you try it and it doesn’t work out, then you can go through life having friends and connecting with family and being a member of your community without having relationships necessarily. I don’t have any romantic interests right now, and I really don’t need them since I am getting plenty of human connection with friends (both IRL and online) and through family. 

To sum up, I don’t know if there really is any consistent definition for how romantic attraction is expressed. Maybe it is physical, to some people it certainly is. Maybe you are aromantic and a QPR is what you need. Maybe you aren’t aro and are just a pretty reserved person who prefers to express romantic feelings outside of physical gestures - like making sure the house is always clean because that’s what your partner likes, and picking up the type of coffee they prefer when you know you’re out. Little things, that might not seem romantic but do convey a lot of love and appreciation and attention to your partner when they all stack up. I’m not sure, and it sounds like you aren’t totally sure either. But that isn’t an inherently bad thing. You can take the time to list out what you think romantic attraction is to you and how you express it. I did that with sexual attraction when I was exploring being demisexual. You don’t have to rush, and you certainly don’t have to panic. There is always time to figure it out, and there is not bad outcome here - just you, being more confident and settled in your identity.

Feel free to reach out (through a dm, if you want) if you want to talk more. I hope this helped!

[mcrmadness]

I'm again making myself to ponder things when I should sleep. I have made a couple of posts where I say I might be aplatonic (as I'm already aroace) but the more I google it, the less I understand. The meaning seems to change based on who you're asking from. Tumblr is full of posts that say a) aplatonic is when you don't desire a queerplatonic relationship or so OR b) when you don't want to have friends.

Then I'm finding terms platonic love and platonic attraction. Some sources say there's no such thing as platonic ATTRACTION, then some sources say it's when you just see someone (random) and want to be their friend. Most sources say you define the whole difference between platonic and everything else yourself and that no one can give a simple answer to it because it's different and individual for everyone.

And then there's "squishes" aka platonic crushes. I don't understand this either. I think somewhere it was explained as wanting to be just the most important person in someone's life and that the feeling is mutual with said person. Somewhere it was the person you want to be in a QPR with. Somewhere it was called as a "friend crush" ans I've used this word only about when I see a new interesting looking person and think to myself "oh I wonder how would it be like their friend???" and apparently it's not what a squish is..? And I don't understand what is it, then.

So I'm here just like ???????????? because I just wanted to read how do people experience platonic love so that I could compare my feelings or lack of them to theirs to know if I'm even capable of it. For a moment I thought maybe I'm demiplatonic but if it's not an attraction but more like a very strong type of a friendship... I just don't know anything anymore.

I really dislike the word "love" anyway. The Finnish version is even stronger and I think I stopped using it when I was less than 10 years old, as I started to understand more about things. I don't understand the concept nor what it feels like. Which is why it's so hard for me to figure out if I'm capable of platonic love or not. Because I don't have anything to compare it to. I use "love" only when I talk about things or animals, or human made things like bands, but I never use it about humans and never say it to anyone, not even to animals (I don't even e.g. kiss animals ever despite really loving animals). Even when I say I love a band, I mean I love the band that just happens to be made by humans but I don't say I'd love the humans in that band. I love the concept and the concept only, and what the people behind it do.

I do enjoy deep friendships and emotional intimacy and some friendships are deeper than others and it's very rare to find such deeper ones. Which is why I started wondering if it's "demiplatonic" in action here since I don't get too sentimental with people too easily, and even then if I do, it's very rare and afterwards I might still start regretting and feeling like I let out too much and wish I had a way to push all those words back in. As when I'm not feeling sentimental, they make me embarrassed and weirded out, but if I do feel sentimental, it makes me feel really good if I for chance also say something instead of being my normal "cold-hearted" self. I'm actually sensitive and sensitive, I just hide it very well. Partially it's also my adhd, me getting excited and not being able to contain myself plus I tend to mirror people. Deeper friendships are usually a result of the friend doing or saying something that makes it deeper for maybe both because I am a coward and socially awkward and don't know how to do that or sometimes might do so accidentally without realizing it and then I worry if I was too much and if I went too far just because I don't always get social cues and hidden rules.

But also - me not knowing what platonic love feels like might just be lack of experience. I don't really have friends to meet and I've never been too close with those friends who are not blood-relatives; and with online friends it's possible to form really deep friendships too but you still can't know how would it be to hang out for longe periods of time together. I have had online friends who were basically some of ny best friends until I met them in person and it didn't click as much as it did online. Online friends are important but the fantasy in your head is pure fantasy based on interaction over internet but it might be totally different from the reality because you don't know the other person's quirks and other habits that are present only when you are physically in the same space.

***

Talking of those attraction things and whatnot, I kinda divided these all into a few categories for myself, for my personal use, to help myself understand the concepts better. Here's what I think of them and if it's an attraction, do I experience it?

Sexual attraction: I'm asexual and can't fully even understand what it's supposed to feel like so nope, I don't feel this. I'm also sex-repulsed.

Romantic attraction: I'm aromantic too, look at previous answer.

Sensual attraction: I'm touch-repulsed, and also have never felt this kind of attraction ever either.

Aesthetic attraction: I do feel this one! I just wanna observe and watch from afar because they please my eye. I don't necessarily desire to even befriend them, they just look nice.

Platonic attraction: If it exists, I think this is my type of a "friend crush" where I just see interesting looking person and feel like I wanna get to know them and be their friend.

Platonic love: I don't know. If it's possible to use same terms of this, then I think it might be possible to be demiplatonic. Meaning that it needs a strong emotional bond before anything.

Then there's all these other relationships things mentioned and I don't desire any kind of relationship, not even a queerplatonic one. I do kinda like the idea of "the mutual best-of-the-best friend" but mainly because of my fear of abandonment and how I always feel I'm left alone when allo(romantic)s find spouses and I'm not looking for a partner. I don't want wvwna commune, I want to live alone in my own space without sharing anything with anyone else. I'm also touch repulsed like I said there so any kind of even friendly physical intimacy is (most likely) out of question. I let people hug me if they want to and if they make it short, but I'm never gonna be the one to place a finger on anyone at first, in fact I have never answered hugs, they confuse me too much and touching is either too overwhelming because of sensory issues or maybe I have social anxiety related traumas from school, I don't know.

I still don't know what a squish is. I do hyperfixate on people but it's hard to say if it's just ADHD or an actual "squish", since it's mostly that I just can't stop thinking about someone and talking with them makes my day always but that's all. Sometimes it makes me feel bad because I don't like hyperfixating on people. I mean, literally I DO like it because dopamine~ but I just have a bad conscience because I don't want my brain to think people are just free sources of dopamine. And it's kinda annoying because can't talk with a person 24/7 because THEY'RE A LIVING ORGANISM WITH A WILL OF THEIR OWN and hyperfixating on something like a video game makes much more sense and is less frustrating because people always leave and I'm left with hyperfixation/hyperfocus I can't fill but a video game will never say they have to go and I can play it for 12h in a row if I really desire to.

But yeah, let's see if this cleared up any thoughts for me...