#i need to get the panic out bc it's like adapt or die

[19burstraat]

anyone want to hear my six of crows x jane austen's emma au. yes of course you do don't be silly. the only person allowed to be silly is me as I descend into madness in the course of trying to cast this. (if you think 'I've heard this before' yes I've posted abt it before tho I think it was on my main)

kaz is emma, a bored, overintelligent rich bitch stuck in a country house with a bunch of shit idiot neighbours and almost no one to entertain or match him. fucking useless dad per haskell / mr woodhouse is a weaksauce hypochrondriac, and jordie / isabella has gone and got married and ditched kaz, the bastard. the only consolation is their neighbour inej / mr knightley, who is rich, sensible, popular, and elegible as hell... glory be, an intellectual equal for kaz!

in order to be less bored, kaz takes on a protege, mysterious randomer and natural son wylan / harriet smith, who kaz decides to mould in his own image and make a good match for. wylan is in love with gentleman farmer jesper / robert martin, but kaz is a snob and tries to push him towards local vicar kuwei / mr elton (I KNOW. I'M SORRY KUWEI), but that all goes tits up bc turns out kaz is a fucking terrible matchmaker, who'd've known.

meanwhile, unassuming and a little cold, but locally well-liked matthias / jane fairfax has arrived back in the village, and kaz busily commences hating on him because he's another accomplished young man and he makes him feel inadequate. hot on his heels comes the mysterious nina / frank churchill (NINA I'M SO SORRY I FUCKING HATE FRANK BUT THIS IS WHAT WORKS FOR THE COUPLES YOU CAN BE A NICE FRANK CHURCHILL ): ), who kaz is kind of fascinated by and enjoys sparring with, and hence kind of misses the really obvious signs that nina and matthias are secretly engaged, even though inej, ever thief of secrets, has lowkey noticed something's up, like matthias getting mysterious gifts from someone. kaz ends up being convinced that possibly it's inej that's pursuing matthias, which nina encourages because it helps her cover, and kaz kinda panics.

everyone has petty village drama which culiminates when kaz sneers at pekka rollins / miss bates (LISTEN. LI actually you don't need to listen bc I laughed out loud when I thought of this comparison but hear me out, if you just think of it as the equivalent of the church of barter scene except instead of 'I buried him' it's 'when have you ever stopped at three?' it kind of works. sorry to miss bates tho who is still kinda my fave austen character) at box hill, which culminates in inej going BOY WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM and kaz is like wow she kind of has a point should I be a better person :/

uhh what else even happens. there's a ball after nina massively encourages one, inej saves wylan from being partnerless and later dances with kaz (think of the gloveless dance scene from the 2020 adaptation? yeah? yeahh??). the regency gender conventions here are getting so messed up lmao, never mind. in emma harriet fancies herself in love with mr knightley and emma is forced to realise that she likes him, so let's say that wylan pretends to be after inej, in order to strong arm kaz into realising that he's wanted to marry inej this entire time. wylan's dad turns out to be minted (I'm stretching the book here to make it work w SOC but never mind) but that's after kaz has admitted he fucked up and sent wylan off to marry gentleman farmer jesper, yaaay. nina's relatives who are stopping her from marrying matthias die and hence there's a massive revelation with 'oh they were engaged this whole time lol', kaz is PISSED bc he didn't clock it. uh. everyone gets married and now kaz can escape the shit village and actually go places. the end.

[harley-style]

VBS fans i offer for you an AU : VBS in the Reaper's Game aka TWEWY.

Ok ok SO. This is before their RISE event aka Kick It Up a Notch and shortly after Find A Way Out. The four of them are heading to weekend garage before BAM they die

They dont know HOW they died is the thing. That was wiped from their memory.

The one who personally puts them in the game is Neku but Joshua supports this decision (neku is the conductor in this au nc shinjuku fucked with his existence blah blah handwavvy canon). Theyre both personally interested in this group (and WxS but theyre still alive) bc the group is breathing life into Vivid Street and shibuya by extension.

Such important souls should not die so early so like, yeah, theyre given a chance to fight for their lives.

Neku goes to them in a reaper outfit and explains to them (patiently bc akito firmly goes into denial for the first half) that they are DEAD and they will be given a chance to be ressurected (incorrect but vbs are kind of not in the right mental space to brain their way through this) by playing a weeklong game.

Toya is immediately suspicious and asks why specifically them.

Neku doesnt answer bc honestly confidential, and kinda just says its a whim even tho its rlly not, VBS needs to be alive. Joshua personally sees into a potential future where VBS doesnt exist and its kinda bad.

How are our beloved street musicians doing you ask? Well.

Kohane is scared, but she handles her terror well. She asks the right questions and quickly adapts. She thinks Neku is hiding something (he is) so she has the most questions about this 'game'. She doesnt want An, Akito or Toya to be dead, so shell do her best to ensure that isnt a permanent reality. No matter what price she has to pay.

Toya is very skeptical about the Reaper's Game, but atp he doesnt really have a choice. Its not only his life on the line here, its the people most precious to him as well. So he squares up. But the poor boy reverts back into his cold facade when neku meets them. He only softens when he notices An (Akito can tell how he really feels on the inside so he doesnt feel the need to soften around him)

An is literally two seconds away from a total mental breakdown. Out of everyone she is handling it the worst. Shes thinking about vivid street, her family, her DAD...nearly works herself into a panic. Toya and Kohane hold her hands to keep her grounded, but only barely.

Akito is similarly not handling it well bc goddamnit, why did it have to be his team? They dont deserve this. Hes angry and accusatory towards neku, but his senses have sharpened to a point that he notices a few holes in neku's explanation. But the bastard doesnt seem intent on actually explaining, so once again, akito has to piece things together. Similar mindset to kohane-- he will do ANYTHING to get them out of this fucked up game.

Neku himself is pleasantly surprised by the fire in VBS' eyes and feels kinda guilty about whats about to be done. He explains the entry fee and it doesnt go well.

Kohane needs to lose her voice -- its something she feels brings her to VBS so she considers it very important. Her personal challenge will be to connect to her teammates without the power of her voice

An will become an Eri-Shiki situation and will have Nagi's appearance for the duration of the game. She needs to face her issue about being reminded of Nagi, and wanting to be like her when she doesnt need to-- An needs to find value in herself first.

Akito loses his passion and this hits VBS hard. Akito, i consider, is the literal backbone and foundation of VBS that keeps it working, yanno? Hes very meticulous when it comes to his teammates, his value and the most important thing that kept him going is his burning desire to chase his dream. IG he's like rhyme? He cares about his VBS, but he no longer understands why they chased after...what was it again? (Throughout the game he mostly just likes hanging around VBS and having fun with them. He would still very much like to leave the game but like...yeah

Toya is tricky, bc its not actually explicit what he values most. The entry fees are also meant to help the players in a way, so i cant just take his love for music bc there would be no point lol. His entry fee is...probably the ability to express his love. I feel like he needs to be able to show he loves his team despite it being taken from him.

Ofc, in true TWEWY fashion, they lose memories about their meeting with Neku, so they wake up confused and something missing

Kohane is with Akito near Hachiko. An and Toya land somewhere near Main Street. They all quickly realize something is wrong. Akito panics when he realizes Kohane cant talk. Kohane has to keep an arm on him at all times to keep him from spiralling and to prevent him from leaving her behind. Bc of his lost passion, akito comes off a lot nicer, which is weird, but kohane doesnt know why it unsettles her until later

Toya is a lot colder, this time, but he cares a lot about An (his entry fee wasnt his love for his teammates but the ability to express it ig) so he holds her hand all the way once he recognizes her. An initially doesnt realize she looks like Nagi until Toya points it out...by being a dick lol

An: Toya! I found you!

Toya: ...who are you?

An:...its me? An?

Toya: You dont look like An.

An: wtf do you mean *sees reflection* WHY DO I LOOK LIKE NAGI-SAN????

Theyre accosted by a mean-spirited Reaper who tells them they are dead and they have 1 week to win to be revived. Toya quietly points out that akito and kohane had been there before they ended up here. So begins the search.

They all instinctively form pacts bc theyre stupidly in love with each other and they trust each other. They are In Sync!!!

They do struggle though -- kohane has to act a lot bolder to attract akito's attention. Kohane quickly loses her shyness in the determination to survive and drags akito along, whos confused as to why kohane is trying this hard. Kohane slowly realizes why akito is acting a lot more subdued -- his fire, its gone. Hes not passionate anymore.

Akito rlly only cares about reuniting with VBS. Hes not thinking about how to get revived immediately, thinking he can just take his time. They work better as a team, yadda yadda.

So kohane has to struggle being the only one determined to get out

VBS reunites chaotically bc Akito sees An and is like Toya what are you doing with Nagi-san? And An is like akito its me tf! Surprised mf is he. Kohane explains (with limited vocab) that they need to survive for one week and complete missions etc...or face 'erasure'. None of them want to be erased to like yeah might as well.

An is having a TIME as Nagi. Bc as it turns out, some reapers are actually big RADder fans! They keep asking her to sing when she comes across them and she tries to oblige but ppl can tell when youre pretending to be someone youre not. Poor An has to live with the fact that shes barely like Nagi, even if she looks up to her so much.

Im sorry but we r also going thru an AkTy divorce arc 2. Toya resents akito's current situation bc wtf happened to his partner??? Akito is worried about Toya's sudden attitude and can tell hes mad but doesnt understand why. Akito is FINE. But stupid Toya doesnt see it that way.

Poor Kohane actually needs to wrangle these idiots bc akito cant muster up the willpower to, An is a little distracted and Toya isnt helping. With her voice out of the picture she really needs to try, with them. It forces her out of her shell more.

An slowly realizes that its not fun being seen as Nagi, bc shes quite proud of herself. Akito actually helps her make this conclusion bc he is attuned very well to VBS. No i will not shut up about how much attention akito pays VBS. Anyway An cries abt wanting ppl to love her for HER and not NAGI. VBS tells her shes being stupid, they already love An Shiraishi and no one else.

Toya is a lot less positive, sometimes even bitter, especially towards AkKh. He still very much loves them with all his heart, but you can resent a part of your loved one's character, yknow? He doesnt like that Akito is a lot more chill now, almost following along with Kohane. He no longer has his sights set forward and that fucks Toya up a bit. Where do they stand now, if his partner looks so lost? And man, Kohane. He appreciates that shes stepping up, but theres an ugly feeling thats welling up inside him. Its kinda like the feelings Akito had for kohane pre-main story ish.

AKITO. man akito. Akito starts off strong, willing to take the heat with Kohane and VBS, but on day 6 he practically doesnt give a shit. Kohane has to drag him everywhere, to get him to do anything. He has to be bribed. He just doesnt see the point, plus they figure out that they can just come back as reapers. He and Toya get into a fight about it -- toya pointing out that reaper duties would interfere with practice, and akito getting confused as to why theyd need to practice. They discover that akito no longer recognizes rad weekened and thus has no desire to surpass anything. Rather than his passion (honestly at this point theyre the same thing), they took his DREAM. Ouch. Its a good thing he still likes being a musician with VBS. But he thinks its just a fun thing. Kohane and Toya get really mad. An tries to mediate.

They all nearly die on the sixth day but Akito finally gets out of his funk and helps them. He may not understand why theyre trying so hard, but he loves them (he is a kind and caring boy fight me) and hes willing to try for their sakes

Kohane struggles with inferiority issues, but most of her struggles are physical. She really just needs to recognize that her value isnt just her voice, she is valued as KOHANE. She also becomes a good leader (not that VBS has a leader, just someone who takes charge in certain situations) bc she is willing to do anything she can. If she cant be a good singer for VBS, shes going to damn well shine in other ways.

Same thing with An and needing to be Valued as An Herself, though there are a lot of angsty stuff that happens throughout the week. An breaks down a lot, its not pretty. Especially when a reaper lets it slip (hes a part of the Vivid Streed community) that nagi is Dead DEAD and cue An not wanting to return to her old self bc she desperately wants Nagi. So she is also resistant to the idea of ending the game which doesnt sit well with kohane or toya. Eventually she does admit that she wants just to be AN, not Nagi despite how much she wants to see her again (but she cant). She learns acceptance!

Toya is desperate to leave the game, and is almost harsh for it. He feels so fucking hollow and depressed and he hates it. He wants out. He pushes them a lot and its only akito getting angry that hes acting like his father that toya gets a reality check. It nearly breaks him. He loves his father, but he doesnt want to end up treating his loved ones the same way his father has treated him. He apologizes after a minute of self reflection.

At this point, in the seventh day, theyre all in agreement that the goal here is to find a way out of the game. By the seventh day, they have to fight neku and its an extremely difficult fight. Neku hits hard and he hits home, both physically and emotionally. Its more of a test on his part, he needs VBS to truly shine, and they do. Akito, even without his passion/dream, displays that he loves, and he loves fiercely. He loves VBS, and thats all he needs to fuel him further and further.

Kohane learns to shine and impact others even without her voice. She is a heavy presence on the battlefield and demands your attention, giving her friends time to whittle away at the enemy

An does things her own way, and she does so by riding the momentum of her teammates. She dances to the beat of her own tune, and even though she wears the appearance of Kotaki Nagi, its clear that she is An Shiraishi and no one else

Toya learns to channel all of himself. He has a distinct ugly side, and with it he learns to wield it without hurting others, but instead support them. Just ok im losing words for this but he is there he learns to accept himself yeah thats how he fights

Neku deems them good enough and shifts down the plane and explains to them, finally, why they specifically have been chosen to play this game. Its very ominous, his warning of "Shibuya needs you. It needs VBS" bc YEAH NO PRESSURE RIGHT. Anyway, they learn Neku is like chill af and they get his card. Akito bugs out bc. CAT???? WTF??? neku doesnt explain but invites them to Mr. H's cafe instead.

They wake up in hospitals. A week has indeed passed since they got killed lmao. A worried ken visits An, Ena is sobbing over Akito, Kohane gets piled on by Minori and Emu, and Toya gets worried Tenmas lol.

VBS goes to the SEKAI (previously being unable to in the UG) and tells the VS about their troubles. MEIKO doesnt let them out of the cafe for HOURS. Miku Len and Rin hover over them, and even KAITO and Luka seem worried. But theyre gonna be ok.

VBS, after getting out, are a lot more cohesive as a unit. Now youll catch akito referring to kohane and an as his partners along with toya. Toya has a bit of a mean streak and his vocals have gotten more powerful. Kohane gains a hell of a lot of stage presence and An begins to defy expectations, bc everyone always was like "just like nagi, just like ken, just like taiga" to her but now shes unapologetically An to everyone.

Thats not the only thing thats changed with VBS. Now theyre able to identify Reaper aligned stores and mostly hang in there. They meet Shiki in Gatto Nero and become instant fans (especially akito. Hes delighted when hes offered a flexible job from her lmfao)

An is a little uoset that her town hid a big secret from her, but mostly doesnt dwell on it bc like, hell, shes been through the wringer. She DIED, and came back to tell the world she LIVED, BITCH.

vbs meets hanekoma and honestly mr h doesnt know why secrecy is a thing anymore and exasperatedly tells them highly edited accounts of neku and joshua. And their world. Vbs realizes that, yeah, they really are THAT important, and while they are pressured, theyre just all the more incentivized to practice and become the best musicians. RAD WEEKEND is now just another stepping stone for them -- they have their sights on bigger and grander things.

Which is why, during RISE...things happen a bit differently. Kotaro, Arata and Tatsuya are in for a big shock bc Kohane KILLS it from the get go, white lines and all. An is so fucking proud (and she went through the nagi angst already so no "she looks like nagi :(")

things calm down with EVER and Kotaro and Arata. And then VBS comes on stage and blows the crowd away. Wheeee.

Taiga still does the thing where he challenges a bunch of teenagers and young adults but is absolutely thrown for a loop when, after revealing the secret, an goes "i know. Youre a dick for keeping it secret, btw"

VBS nearly matches Taiga and that serves to shock all of them even more. Where the hell is this fire coming from? Taiga begins to doubt his intial impressions of VBS. He thinks they could actually surpass rad weekend, but doubles down and slams them with his full strength

And Vbs. Doesnt even. Flinch. (Well, yeah, compared to fighting a 24 story tall monster who can absolutely toss you at a building, an intensely singing middle aged man is significantly less terrifying. Like. Noise is based on emotions, negative emotions especially. So like, theyre pretty intense, you gotta fight them with your full soul.)

Vbs loses only bc their voices cant properly convey their passion, but the fire in their eyes dont die out. Theyre steady, and more than ready to take on whatever bullshit the world decides to throw at them.

So when Ken finds them hes surprised to see them all just chatting quietly. An asks him to explain why vivid street lied calmly. An finalizes her resolve -- she wants to take nagis dream as her own, and fulfill it in her own way, with VBS.

Oh yeah, ken still trains them, but VBS also gets in contact with a bunch of the reapers who want to give them a hand. 777, especially, takes an interest in them. Vbs expands their community to all around shibuya. Everyone is like, why is vbs running around shibuya like all the time without looking tired???? (Bc they went through 7 days of exactly that. Running around shibuya without looking tired.)

Anyway more fun HCs their pin powers: kohane gets puppy (forgot the brand but its happy puppy? Puppy? The paw brand one fuck) pins and pins themed around spring. An gets star types and ones that let her move around the field heh. Akito has fire based ones and minor telekinesis. Toya somehow has a basic ice pillar, lightning, and the healer pins. He was their angry healer.

Joshua meets them at one point and Akito immediately susses him out. Neku tells them joshua is his boss and vbs is like Oh. 🧍‍♂️ (they are legit terrified of him. Joshua thinks theyre cute.)

Vbs also starts dating shortly thereafter, but their dating lives are a mess. They dont know what to call each other! Bc atp girlfriend and boyfriend feels too shallow. They default to partners but its rlly more than that. Kohane starts calling them her soul, akito follows with his heart, an calls them her lights and toya gets rlly sappy and calls them his everything. They dont know what theyre doing. Someone help them.

Like genuinely theyre not sure if theyre dating or just really really clingy, and theyre not interested in exploring it either. Theyre just happy being together, yanno?

Kohane starts up her solo shows again but this time shes experimenting with styles. She missed her voice a lot and is a lot more self assured so she makes more mistakes but gets a lot farther with making her voice a unique tone.

Akito no longer has that filter holding him back and just pours his whole soul out. Ken is so fucking proud. He refines what akito has and lets him loose

An also works on her stage presence, starts upgrading more than just her voice. She gets lessons from haruka! And her charm shoots through the roof (shes a quick study lololol) she nearly gets scouted by a label but is like nah sorry ive got a music group? Im just doing this for training 😊 she and kohane also go to WxS for lessons on acting and stage presence!

Toya, in a surprising turn of events, dives into classical music (patiently explaining to his father that he still wants to pursue his music career with vbs) bc now...now toya wants to devour EVERYTHING. All music. Because every music is valued. He expands his repertoire and truly comes up with some of the most unhinged demos for VBS (some are unreleased bc vbs only does the best but they keep the unreleased ones bc its just plain fun, they realized along the way that they dont HAVE to sacrifice what is fun for what is exceptional)

Overall VBS just gets a major upgrade and joshua is as pleased as pie bc shibuya is once again thriving. Now if only he can get the other units to thrive too... thats only if they die, like vbs did, and get put into the game ofc.

[thiswontbeforever]

TW// sh & s*icidal thoughts, anxiety, depression

okay idk if it’s just me bc i haven’t seen anyone else really mention it & pls let me know if i should delete this but was anybody else watching s2 and really noticing that darkness edvin was talking about in wille?

first off the anxiety, depression, & dissociation he experiences is heartbreaking. i mean we saw s1 the constant anxiety, coping mechanisms, & the more physical & violent panic attacks (& maybe a form of sh with him hitting his head/pulling his hair) but the display of his anxiety this time is very different (picking his nails instead, the mouth movement thing edvin mentioned) and ofc not being able to breathe (still with the collar & ties) but it’s all even more repressed than s1. i mean it was heartbreaking bc he really doesn’t have anyone to lean on & he knows he needs to use his role as crown prince in a way he never wanted to in order to get what he wants & so he’s trying to keep that facade together, separate himself like erik (supposedly) did, & even w/ going to the school therapist he’s not actually addressed his anxiety much w/ anyone. i mean him actually throwing up this season, the anxiety taking over his body AGAIN, it’s such an intense and draining state to be in and edvin did an incredible job of adapting wille’s anxiety w/ the new situation. additionally, the scenes where he’s so out of it, literally looks just empty and blank…had me a mess. as much as i hate certain scenes, thinking about wille’s mental health & heartbreak i really do understand (it’s like simon asking “why can’t i just fall in love with him (marcus)? - why can’t i get over this? everyone says it’ll get better so i’m just being dramatic right? why does it still feel like this? what if i could feel it with someone else? desperation from both of them to try and feel anything other than what they do after it all, without each other, feel something close to what they had. it’s the whole point - they cant. they only had what they had because it was them and moving on is more miserable bc everyone involved has a different motive, different expectations, and are all using each other to a certain extent. trying to prove something but all they prove is what exists between simon & wille is real, and right, & cannot be recreated or replaced). okay i got way off topic buT -

back to wille’s state of mind what i was getting at was that darkness was truly there & i genuinely kept waiting for him to possibly hurt himself or really allude to suicidal thoughts. (there were a few lines where he did say just like i feel like i’m gonna die (?) i think it was) & with that true hollow look he had in so many scenes i wouldn’t have been surprised if those ideations were brought up. i never thought wille would actually do that or that that’s where the story was heading, but i just mean that i GET what edvin was saying. it’s darkness of anger, revenge, regret, and wille’s entire mental state where he genuinely feels like it’s never going to stop hurting or get better because he’s lost the one person who gave him hope. that scene where he goes to the like fence in front of the lake (?), listening to music, and then felice comes…i mean flashback to wilmon at the lake, how cold the water is then as a joke, a tease about august (?)…but in this scene it seemed like wille had been just standing there for a while before felice came & i really had this feeling of just disassociation & maybe unconsciously him thinking about the temperature of the lake…not like seriously but i hope what i’m trying to say makes sense.

i just think it was brilliant writing and acting to show how bad the position wille is in really was for him & have him finally start to open up in therapy & with felice & simon.

that being said…

where the fUck was my simon breakdown. (i know we saw a BIT in the last episode my poor baby 😭 he looked absolutely devastated & broken but god like !! i wanted more especially after trying to distract himself with marcus & everything uh. i’m glad he had his song but then !! they took it away)

[fimbry]

I have spent the last 24 hours completely freaking out about AI art and feeling like art is a joke and I’ve made a huge mistake building my life around it and dad was right all along and and and

It may not exactly be that grim but big fear is everything in the future is going to be repetitive marvel movies with ai art to completely replace people’s contributions, and everything is going to look the same and there won’t be meaning in anything, and it’ll sell.

And hey, if someone wants a different style so it looks a little less samey don’t worry this other ai can do that too.

I’m being real anxiety on main but some of this ai art looks pretty damn good and it’s like wow I wasted my life or something.

At least I’ve been doing some traditional mediums or I’d be losing it even worse than this.

[tinyyoungblood]

hi!! idk if i can request but imma do it anyway: headcanons for the reader going on her first solo mission and the whole team (esp her bf Peter) is like worried and constantly checking in and she’s like “bro chill”

pairing: peter parker x avenger!reader

a/n: i couldn’t decide which ask to do first so i rolled a dice to decide for me lol nothing better than enjoying a headcanon with a flair of random. next time i’m going to consult an oracle. enjoy x

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

y/n’s first solo mission

it’s y/n’s first time going on a mission by herself and the avengers are having a communal panic attack

bucky is really anxious for her but would never admit it so he uses every chance he gets to sneak in some extra training

y/n tries to go to the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice and bucky slams the fridge door while giving her the Stare™

“…what are you doing” “i need you to hit the floor, army crawl, hang on right, and then you can get some juice”

peter thinks bucky’s method is Efficient and Effective and adapts it as well

he shows y/n all kinds of moves, completely neglecting the fact that her fighting style is Stab Stab Boink

whereas his fighting style is gymnast with olympic gold spends friday night in bouncy castle

peter gets frustrated because y/n doesn’t take the somersaults as seriously as she should

“y/n i need you to focus!! this is important!!!!” “to do what? back flip over the enemy?” *scoffs* “yes” *back flips away*

rhodey gives her a list of things to do in case of emergencies and it’s long. it’s literally the apple terms of service agreement

steve has done about a hundred briefings already but y/n still wakes up in the middle of the night to peter screaming bloody murder next to her

it’s bc steve is standing in the middle of the room with a whiteboard and a 20 slides presentation

y/n just walks up to him, grabs the cap of his markers and throws it out the window, leaving his markers to dry out

steve looks at her in disbelief and deadpans, “some people just want to see the world burn”

the day y/n leaves, bruce shows up with knee pads and a helmet that both look like he got them from the kids’ section

he’s just standing there like “pLs don’t hand in your two weeks’ notice, i’m doing this in the name of LOVE”🧍‍♂‍

tony stumbles into the room with sam and bucky in tow and it’s clear that tony is slightly tipsy when he crushes y/n into a big bear hug

y/n, whispering: “what did you two do?”

sam: “saved your reputation. he wanted to turn you into a bubble wrap burrito”

wanda hugs y/n and makes her promise to stay safe while vision smuggles first aid kits into the jet, easter-egg-style

thor approaches y/n next and he awkwardly hands her a brown bag that contains popsicles and a small ribboned box with a green glitter bracelet in it

the note says, “so you remember me when you die. -loki”

y/n’s heart MELTS

the mission itself isn’t even dangerous and it’s honestly easily done if it weren’t for the 300 people talking in her comm

peter keeps checking in on her and blurts out compliments like being a motivational speaker is his life mission

the compliments just keep getting increasingly weirder bc he’s running out of things to say

“woah angel don’t think i didn’t see that little hop you just did there! magnificent technique!! OUTSTANDING!!!”

y/n turns off her comm but peter simply switches to texting. she blocks him

steve keeps sending her very obscure and oddly specific facts about ducks in an attempt to make y/n respond

she blocks him as well and buys a duck plushie on amazon

y/n is strapped in a harness, being the quietest she’s ever been, when tony hacks into her suit and BLASTS mission impossible through her comm

it proves itself successful tho bc y/n turns on her comm and cusses him out

(the team is relieved)

nat and clint are hiding in the vents and spying on her

they think they’re being slick considering they’re professional Totally Spies™ but y/n knows and now she’s being intentionally careless to irritate them

y/n’s casually strolling down the hall, munching on those popsicles thor gave her when she hears nat hiss, “what is she doing?!”

a few seconds later, she hears them arguing over what they should do and it’s so hard not to laugh

“she’s being reckless, go attack her” “what?” “just do it. but don’t hurt her” “what do you want me to do? tickle her??” “no? thumb war”

(y/n chokes on her popsicle)

she leaves, rounds the corner, and walks straight into sam and bucky who are just? standing there? unmoving?

they’re just hoping that y/n might not see them if they stay still long enough

y/n: “what are you two doing here?!”

them, glancing at the battered food truck across the street that sells oysters and chicken wings: “uh- brunching?”

y/n: “...rats eat better than both of you if this is where you brunch”

but y/n’s done with the mission anyway so they end up getting sodas and a bucket of wings

the latter they use to lure nat and clint out of the vents

they’re sitting in the jet when y/n’s bracelet suddenly slips off and GLOWS

then it goes poof and loki’s standing right in front of them

they’re all gaping at him and loki tries SO hard to act ~cool~ but y/n is just grinning like a fool with tears brimming her eyes

loki, shrugging and staring at the ceiling: “just had to make sure you’re all right. hand me a wing”

* * *

stay hydrated <3

hc masterlist

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu in a relationship

Just a lil warning before you proceed: dis a chonky one, kay?

○

Depending on why Dazai is in a relationship affects how he will act with his partner.

If Dazai is curious about them, enough to enter the relationship,

it will last at best a handful of months, at worst about 2 weeks. Enough to get to know them, test them out in terms of reaction, values, honesty and morality, and get bored of them. Thus leading to him braking up with the person or, if he predicts that the person would react badly and cause a scene, get them to break up with him. But even that is dubious because i doubt Dazai would make the relationship official. He would probably just act as if they're dating, leading the partner to believe they actually are without having to verbally confirm anything, and then as soon as he loses interest, pulls a now-you-see-me-now-you-don't and disappears with little to no notice. Hey, he never said they were dating, he calls everyone Belladona, the fault is that person's for being delusional. Yes, he is an asshole, what did you expect of Dazai?

But if Dazai is in love?? Unrecognizable.

I will make a separate headcanon(? whatever these are I'm writing) on what i think a person should be like to sweep Dazai of his feet, but now i want to concentrate on what he would be like in such a relationship.

Is it possible for Dazai to fall in love? Absolutely. He loved Odasaku and Ango, perhaps not romantically, but he's definitely capable of love. People like him- aware of the world's cruelty, dealing with demons and guilt, roaming the world for the sole reason that they haven't died yet, hoping to find something worthwhile they can feel the need to be selfish about and call theirs; don't fall in love, they crash desperately. It takes a lot for them to feel those emotions, but when they do, they can never really let them go.

He would try to act as he usually does in public and try approaching the subject of his trepidation and disarray in many different ways. Distancing himself and going as far to actively avoid them would just come back and bite him in his boney ass. To effectively avoid someone, you need to know their schedule, hobbies, interests, habits, etc. And having learned that would just constantly remind him of them, they'd never leave his mind. He'd look on the clock, see the time and know that they'll be in that specific class because he knows their whole curriculum and class schedule/ at the grocery because they're surly out of their favourite snack/ doing black laundry and yes, he knows unnecessary details about them as well. After that disastrous failure, he comes back running and commences new ways to handle that person. These beta testings are for him as much as they are for them. Just how much and what exactly does he feel for that person, what buttons can he push and which ones he doesn't want to.

When i say Dazai in love would be unrecognizable, i mean it. Not superficially, where everyone can see it, but where it matters.

After doing his best to rail in the unfamiliar feelings under control, going as far as using some of Mori's techniques, the realization of the situation he's found himself in hits him hard.

He comes back as if nothing happened.

The deadpan that person gives him and a "Are you done with your bullshit or do you need some more time to brood about issues you made with yourself?" He doesn't even blink, "Oh, my Belladona! Does that mean you've missed me? Were you worried about me as well??"

All of this was said in your typical, Dazai maniac style, the only difference is that he actually wants an answer. He wants to hear the confirmation, in whatever form it may come- he can read between the lines and body language, just give him something to work with. He's desperate.

While the public Dazai persona won't change, his inner musings and his approach to the love interest will.

Osamu will, sometimes sneakily, usually not so subtly, immerse himself into their daily life. Get them accustomed and used to his presence. What this will do is cause a sense of familiar coexistence, that of people living together; make the person unconsciously continue to include him in their activities; learn to depend on him (not in a unhealthy, yandere way, but if their car brakes down or they're feelinh unsafe, Dazai will be the first person they feel the urge to call) because Dazai can be reliable and he will be reliable for that special person. He will also be the first person they share good news with as well, because if someone is always there for and with you, it's only natural.

Make no mistakes, Dazai is transparent only when he wants to be.

The reasons he does this is because 1) he wants to gauge their reaction to his great interest in them, 2) mask his subtle advances which are the most important part of integrating himself into their life, 3) to get that person in the position where he needs them to be for him to move on to the next phase of his plan.

Now, i may have said plan, but that's a somewhat loose term since what he'll do next depends on their reaction. He definitely has a rough outline of the whole thing in his head, but he's also adaptable and ready to react accordingly to whatever they may throw his way.

[I will be using l/i or LI for "love interest" bc I'm tired of writing that person or whatever, okay? Good.]

Once his l/i made effort to go out of their way for him or commit any type of love language, basically:

act of service- pay for his bills, massage his shoulders, buy crab based food or alchohol he really likes for their own fridge so that he can have it when he's over (often) even if they don't like those things especially then

words of affirmation- thank you Dazai, how was your sleep?, please take better care of yourself i can't help you if you're not making an effort

physical touch- ruffle his hair, lean on him when tired, hold his hand or wrist because it's crowded and it would be a pain to search for you Dazai

gift giving- "I noticed you were running out of bandages", "I bought you food, figured your lost case would forget to eat", "saw this mackerel, reminded me of you^^" "BELLADONA, NO >:("

quality time- spending nights with him because he has insomnia, playing games at the arcade, drive around town run from the cops

He would be overwhelmed. In the best way possible. He'd feel overwhelmingly good and pleasant and warm and worried.

He didn't feel like this, ever.

Not even with Odasaku and Ango. They were probably his first friends, but that's the thing. They didn't make his heart race, they didn't throw him into panic attacks, they didn't overwhelm him, they didn't keep him up at night because he couldn't get them out of his head or completely monopolise his mind during the day.

He gets panic attacks.

A lot of them, actually. Usually he can fake being fine, but sometimes he hyperventilates and can't breathe and all that he can smell is the blood on his hands and his chest is as hollow as l/i's eyes. He knows what can happen. They can and will be used against him. Hell, it could even be an accident. He is vulnerable just because they exist and he can't do shit about it.

He could do his thing: pull some strings, have them move to another country and never speak to each other ever again. He has the power, but he lacks the strength. He could do it, but he doesn't want to. His thumb won't press the numbers, his voice died out, his mind went blank.

The wind blows and it carries their scent with it. The bells ring and it's their laughter that resonates within. His bandages ruffle and it's the warmth of their touch he feels. He's dying, but he's not just ready yet to leave. Hopefully, Odasaku will patiently keep a seat for him.

That was what gave him away, actually.

That's when Ranpo realised, with zero doubt, that Dazai Osamu is in love.

Dazai could be going on and on about suicide.

Enter l/i.

"I found an amazing tree yesterday with really sturdy branches. I wanted to test them out today, but i promised l/i I'd go to the new bakery with them today and who would they go with if i die?? Unacceptable!"

Ranpo: "A new bakery? I'll happily take your place."

"UNACCEPTABLE!!"

With every panic attack he feels stranded on an island in the sea of death.

He's exhausted. For the first time he finally wants to escape alive. Then they walk in and the storm in the sea moves to his heart. And into his stomach and his hands and his knees.

"I'm here for you, Osamu. Everything is going to be fine."

His insomnia goes by a different name now.

It still keeps him up at night and makes him restless.

But this time, when he fills his nth glass of whiskey for the night, when the TV is muted and the trafic quiet, when he can hear their breathing beside him in their shared bed, he raises the glass to hope for the halcyon days.

●

Fucking finally. You think you're exhausted, you waste of bandages?? I have a final today I'm going to fail and actually wrote about your musky ass. You try doing that with my brain.

Hope you guys like it and if you made it this far, here's a cup of ☕ or 🍵, whichever you prefer. I wrote him as i see and envision him. Hope it all makes sense. He's a complicated character, but he is still human and he is not immune to emotions.

Have a good one~☆

I will probably come up with more things for him, because i doubt i covered everything, but for now this shall do.

[rose-with-no-thorns]

Last Life/HermitCraft rambles pt1

a place for me to let out all my built up theories and stuff yk. btw this doesn’t exactly follow canon but it just tries to predict stuff or analyze them despite not needing an analysis or just me rambling about my head canon 

SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING 

Evil Grian Theory according to Martyns lore ending the watchers are canon are very exciting news yesss like i’m so happy that all of my theorising didn’t go to waste but like at the same time he really fucked over my documents, anyways, we're aware of the fact grian is still a watcher, and he still works with the other Watchers yk the evil guys who eat chaos and panic. So grian was like a mortal before he became a watcher, right? he was human, nothing else but headcanons r headcanons. the watchers are born into it I mean they're not born they're just like there so that means grian has much more humanity than the watchers could ever have when he became a watcher. it didn’t really feel like,, becoming a god. it was more like getting a promotion you didn’t necessarily want. which means the watchers wouldn't understand a humans or in this case ex humans emotional needs, so that means grian would have to adapt to being a god in a type of way because that's what the watchers are and there's also the listeners and Martyn gets compared to them but that's uh off topic right now. so like we know grian created the game, canon and irl and that he was supposed to watch over it, he wasnt supposed to play, yet he did. so this leaves room for two cases: 

1. the watchers just didn't tell him that his friends r gonna be playing in a death game, he knew someone would be but it was the watchers ways of his last test of like yk making him integrate în the no-humanity-gods club, so when he saw his friends he was like “oh hell no” and joined them in. but the thing is it doesn’t add up with the fact he wouldn’t even die?? like join for what?? 

or 

2. he was aware of everything because he planned the game, and his attempts of integrating in the watchers resulted in him just being pure evil and now as much as I know lots of people would just want angst, it'd be so much worse and likely that grians just pure evil. seeing your best friend killing you in cold blood after luring you to play a killing game. he put all of his friends there and they trusted him and they were wrong for trusting him. 

TL;DR: Grian’s characters development arc since evo is him trying to please the Watchers so hard by becoming like them that he completely loses it and lures his friends into a death game then joins it for fun 

btw does tumblr have a word limit or smth lmao

Rooting for the HermitCraft server/Boatem having an Ender Dragon as a pet 

so it goes like, after grian took the ender egg and just kept it around even after the game, and decided “hey i wanna see if this does anything”. so he just provided it with the darkness of the end and the unusual feeling of the dimension, and soon enough, he and pearl discovered one day it started hatching. they both thought of this to take to boatems advantage, and decided they will use it as a war weapon/to scare off people. Now there’s a plot twist. the dragon was born without wings, or well at least functional ones. it just looked like a little mutation on its back. it was kind of disappointing, but it was still cute as hell, and grian just decided to tell xisuma about her because how long can you keep a whole dragon hidden?? so she (yes its a female bc i say so) started growing like really fast. and despite having no wings she became absolutely gigantic, almost the size of the original ender dragon despite not even being an adult. at first she fit in grians starter base, but one day, scar found her with her head peeking out of grians roof, so he decided to make her her own little cave, not too far away from the land but not too close to it either and not obvious for any newcomers that there’s a whole dragon living under them Now none of the boatem members had really taken care of a dragon before, or well no one on the server did (except for pearl no i will not elaborate it makes so much sense), so it was mostly grian who raised her but he pretty much raised a huge, gentle golden retriever dog, so the war weapon plan was just thrown out the window since everyone got really attached to her bc yk who wouldn’t. so they were like “fuck it” and now she kinda just roams around the server randomly and hermits will just randomly see her hanging around little animals, ESPECIALLY JELLIE I WAS WAITING FOR SO LONG TO SAY THIS HAHA, scar would just bring jellie to her and she’d just go “:D” like they’d be besties. the home sickness was never there, as she never truly went home from where she came from, this was her home. sending her back to the end would make her home sick as she grew up here, not there. i also feel like theyd have a whole meeting to choose her name because grian and scar just forgot and when pearl reminded them they were like “oh yeah we should probs do that 🧍‍♂️”

if i feel like it i will very much draw her, i mean i already did but it didnt turn out quite right, she also doesnt have a name yet so any suggestions r welcome ig lol  

[ravenclaw-questions-gone-writing]

Ven Rambles: Abandoned Lore 1

@fanfics-and-fangirling  The lore is long and kinda complicated. I’m sorry, you were probably expecting like a paragraph or 3. I basically wrote an essay on it.

Ok, so I mentioned how it’s a three way interconnected universe and a crossover. The fandoms you need to know are Miraculous Ladybug, Batman (DC), Marvel, and the CLAMP-verses, most specifically Cardcaptor Sakura and possibly XXXHolic which is in the same multi-verse so I’m counting it as one.

Some ten thousands of years ago, several world/dimension traveling magic users - the leading members of which were Clow Reed, the most powerful sorcerer in the multiverse and Ichihara Yuuko, literally known as the space-time witch, and a Loki from an older, alternate dimension - decided to make things easier for others to travel through dimensions while simultaneously creating a safe haven for their kind since there are some worlds where magic users are hunted, either for slavery or death.

They started with connecting universes in 3s, moved onto 7s, and then 9s before creating even more complex varieties of interconnecting field spells. That’s not particularly important because the universes we’re interested is one of the earliest, imperfect versions. I should have but did not make a name for what these interconnected universes are called.

The universes are set in an equilateral triangle with the three universes as cornerstones, the shape that stabilizes the plane at the center - from henceforth will be called the central plane - that is essentially the magical version of an airport. It also has the affect of stabilizing time, so instead of 1 minute to 1 month ratio between the connected universes, it’s a minute to minute thing. And it’s linked to the passage of time on Earth because Midgard is the “center of the universe“ in Marvel-verse, Miraculous-verse doesn’t have aliens (as far as I know), and DC-verse is just outnumbered. Because it’s set in an equilateral triangle, it’s shape is very delicate and a shift or misplacement could cause the entire central plane to deteriorate and collapse.

Because the central plane is entirely made of magic, I imagine it looks something like a cross between a Wuxia world and classic fantasy land. You have magic plants and creatures growing out of random crevices and bizarre weather patterns that are a result of whatever plane guardian - Clow Card creatures, bc Clow Reed would absolutely do something like that and I don’t think the other two wouldn’t really object- is active and doing their job that day. But because of that, central planes is also a treasure trove of magical ingredients.

Over time, this particular one was abandoned in favor the newer, less delicate planes - with different universes as cornerstones - with have higher quality whatever ingredient is needed. The more powerful magic users move out. The remaining magic users 1. don’t know it’s possible to cross dimensions 2. do not have the power to 3. new magic users are brought in after the new planes were created and are sent there instead, completely skipping over introducing our central plane. At any rate, the number of magic users dwindles and at this point in time, only a handful of magic users remember it exists.

(Frick, why does Tumblr keep deleting paragraphs when I just want to delete a sentence. I have to retype all of that and I lost my train of thought. This is the fourth time already.)

By the time the story begins, the ones who know about it are the Al Ghuls, Frigga, the Loki that was born in this Marvel-verse who was introduced to it by his mother for his magic lessons, and anyone who stumbles across the random portals that have begun to appear because the Marvel cornerstone has been slightly shifted out of place by some cosmic event. (Marinette, who’d probably about 8 - 10 years old at this point in time.)

That shift caused the Marvel-verse to start pulling away, which in turn makes the other two cornerstones pull together in an attempt to maintain equilibrium.

Before we go further into that, a quick crash course in magical numerology. The first nine numbers are sacred, each one with a meaning attached to it. The ones we’re interested in for this story are 1, 2, and 3. 1 means unity. 2 means disorder. 3 means harmony.

I apologize for not being able to fully articulate this part but it makes sense in my head and I will do my best to make sense to everyone reading this.

As long as there are 3 cornerstones, the central plane will be stable due to the harmony factor. Problem is, as DC and MLB universes get closer, they begin to merge, made easier by the fact they’ve been bound together for so long. This makes the numbers drop from 3 to a fluctuation between 1 and 2.

Magic begins to separate them as 2+1= 3 rather than a full trinity of 1+1+1=3. Marvel-verse is totally fine (for now) but DCxMLB universes are experiencing some trippy things, news begins to filter between the worlds, abnormal weather patterns, memories merging and many more “ghostly interaction” experiences. For the most part, people can just dismiss it but the magically and spiritually inclined are having the worst time of their lives, especially those with foresight abilities.

The two universes haven’t really merged yet, probably won’t for another 5 years or so, but it’s close enough to be an inevitable event and that causes it to the math to go from 2+1=3 to 1+1=2, which as I have mentioned, destabilizes the central plane. It still exists, but it is now an EXTRA chaotic place, most of the sentient magical flora and fauna are going crazy and the guardian cards are in full panic mode which does affect a whole lot of things. The central plane eventually crumbles and anything inside it at the time vanishes into the in-between of universes, most likely never to be seen again. (Either they die from lack of anything they need to survive, miraculously find their way onto another plane, or descend into the literal hell that is where the most cursed and hated creations ever to exist were thrown into where they must adapt or die, probably die. Unless they have knowledge of the old way of moving between universes, in which case they’d be fine once they’ve re-oriented themselves.)

I hadn’t decided if Marvel-verse will detach completely and accelerate the merger between Maribat verse or if it rebounds and forces another merger which would also accelerate the merger in a different direction. I’d also like to mention that since Earth is where the worlds are linked, that is the place that is most affected, other parts of the universe are like “hey, budge over and make some room for me.“ because before that, it was probably just a void there and only the parts where there is some.

If this isn’t fully coherent, that’s because I was in the middle of world building before angst and crack took over and I had to scrap the idea.

[lokemikaze]

Zuka Rant: Part 2 (2016 Yuki - Don Juan)

okay so. for some reason, the gang in the zuka server decided they wanted to torture me, and introduced me to the 2016 yukigumi don juan. i thought i was prepared, but uhhh apparently not - i didn’t expect this amount of pAIN D: i’m legit gonna spend the next week crying about this

if you don’t already know, don juan is a “womanizer” trash man who brings shame upon his family and doesn’t appreciate the people who love him - until he meets maria, who he for some reason falls head over heels for and ends up dying for. that is not the main focus of this essay, though; my wish is to expand upon my thoughts about don juan’s relation to mental illness. please note that this will touch upon heavy themes, including Bad Coping Mechanisms. i’ll say it again:

TRIGGER WARNING FOR DARK THEMES LIKE alcoholism and self-harm

so. where to start. perhaps i should first make a disclaimer and say that while i am quite Experienced with mental illness, i am by no means an expert, and everything i write here will be my own personal opinions and over-analysis. i also know nothing about the history of this musical etc., i went into this blindly and got punched by the pain

when we first meet juan (played by the amazing daimon, who does such a good job), he is at a bar, surrounded by women. he smiles his gorgeous little smile, and dear gods we’re all taken by this utter trash man. he pushes the ones who love him away in favour of having yet another fling as he empties another bottle. does this seem healthy? nah fam, this is a textbook example of actual self-harm - he may not even realise it himself, but the way he is dealing with his inner struggles is to drown it in alcohol and s*x. it is harmful to both body and mind, yet he uses it to push away the harsh reality and ignore his own emotions

there’s a very touching scene where we get to see young don juan with his mother as she dies. i think this is perhaps where some of his struggles started - he seemed to be struggling slightly even before this, but this is of course a moment that deeply affects him. he throws away his cross necklace, cursing god, and from then we can only imagine the path he took to get to the present. there is a very big chance he hasn’t actually dealt with the grief and trauma from seeing his mother die, and has instead repressed it. for years. and you know what we say about repressing emotions? uhh yeah it’s not good

so as i see it, the juan we meet at the beginning of this musical is a broken man who does not want to acknowledge that he is broken. he shows obvious signs of depression (i.e. pushing people away, losing interest in i.e. the women he desire), and he spends his days (unconsciously?) self-harming. he hides behind a smiling mask, when in reality he is filled with so much anger and grief, and probably - judging by his reactions later - is really out of touch with his emotions, unable to grasp any of them. it is, in fact, Sad Boie Hours

then, the ghost appears. or is it a ghost? i see this as a figment of juan’s mind - perhaps a hallucination? he clearly believes what he’s seeing is real, but nobody else can see what he sees. he is distressed by this (obviously), and reacts violently bc that’s the only way he knows to act. we can see him slowly losing his grip on reality, unable to make out the difference. as someone who has at several points in my life had hallucinations, i can confirm that the way he is acting is indeed very realistic for someone in that situation. not to mention that he’s haunted by guilt and trauma and all those emotions he has pushed down for so long. he loses some of the control he has over himself due to the extreme mental anguish he is going through.

then, he meets maria. it is love at first sight. he sees her, and talks to her, and cannot grasp - what is this feeling? why does it hurt, why does it feel like everything is changing? he finally has something that feels light in his life, something that ‘sparks joy’. maria gives him what no one else have been able to - a positive feeling that shines through the darkness of his struggles. he swears to change for her, to abandon his old ways and start a new and better life, and this is where i need to rant a bit about the costumes

as i said in my previous essay, i am a Costume Nerd, and i was a lot more pleased with the costumes of this production than in 2009 zukabeth (still salty). there aren’t many costume changes, but there doesn’t need to be. juan’s first outfit is such a Vibe, and i absolutely love it - and it’s completely full-on black. only black. however, after he meets maria and pledges to change, his costume also changes. he now has not only really pretty sparkle, but *white*. his all-black has adapted to include touches of white. there are of course multiple meanings that could be read into this, but what does it mean judging from the mental health viewpoint? well, black is often associated with depression and dark thoughts (hence the name *dark* thoughts), while white is associated with purity, joy and hope. my theory is that juan’s previously hopeless existence now has hope, something he wants to live for, someone he loves and cherishes and who keeps him going. there is light at the end of the dark tunnel, so to say.

then, maria’s fiance comes back from war and confronts juan. they agree upon a duel, and juan has what seems to be a panic attack. all of a sudden, the fragile happiness he created with maria is broken, and everything comes flooding back - including his hallucination ghost. in a following scene, he is seen with his (absolutely gay) friend, who tries to convince him to Not Do This. the ghost follows, and we see that juan is once again losing his grip on reality, lashing out and refusing to listen to reason. when the duel scene arrives, juan’s costume is back to the full black. his hope is gone, and he has reverted back into the anguished man he was.

in the beginning of the duel, juan fights mercilessly, wounding his enemy several times, each time getting more and more out of control. he sees this man as the obstacle between himself and the hope he tried to cling on to, and now that he has had a taste of happiness, he wants it back. he aims to kill, and gets angry when his target won’t. stop. getting. up!! this is when the good old hallucination ghost once again appears, telling him that he is only procrastinating the inevitable, that if he wins, he will lose anyway due to the sin of killing another man. you can *see* the moment when juan’s last grip on reality shatters, and from then on out there’s no hope of it ending well. he has given up hope, he has given in to the darkness, he has accepted as a fact that there is no good outcome for him. if he lives on, he will be plagued by his own struggles, unable to find a way out of the deep dark hole his mind has plunged him into. and so, he does the only thing that seems logical, and basically throws himself at his enemy’s blade. he states that this way, maybe he can live on in the love between himself and maria. my belief is that it was a simple way to commit s*icide that didn’t involve him having to actually do it himself. it makes it seem ‘accidental’, and lays the blame on someone else. 

and so, don juan dies. a painful, harsh death that absolutely punched my heart and wrenched the sobs from my throat (thanks for enabling my hyper empathy, daimon, well done). he dies with little else than the vague hope that maybe, he can die with love, and that something good will come from it all. a man who got too little time, made too many bad decisions, and had too many issues that he should’ve gotten help with ages ago goddammit. it is questionable if he was fully aware of his decision, being fully lost to his own mind by then, but what is unquestionable is that he suffered a lot. his entire life was filled with suffering, hidden behind a cocky smile. 

if you’ve read all the way here, thank you for considering what i had to say. i hope i remembered everything i wanted to say. i have no way to conclude this, other than to say “thanks, i hate this” to the sadists who threw me into this. it is a heartwrenching story that i honestly can relate to a little too much to (no, i am not a murderer nor a womanizer), and i felt don juan’s pain on a deep level. have i read way too much into it all? probably. then again, that’s the beauty of fiction - we all have our own experiences which affect the impression it leaves us with. and to me, takarazuka’s don juan isn’t about a cocky bastard who got too full of himself - it’s about a young man so filled with pain that it led to his demise.

[marvinswriting]

Shoulder Devils

Prompt: five times Janis tried to fake okay and the one time she just couldn't OH MY GOD I LOVE 5+1S OFC (this was supposed to be posted next week but i got it written within a few hours and just wanted to post it now bc holy shit its 5+1 and janis angst, my two favorite things.)

The knot in her stomach felt wound up too tight, like it would tear her insides at any moment. 

Calm down, Janis, it's only the first day of school. The common sense part of her brain told her. 

But every other part of her was screaming a different story. 

It's your first day of high school after being homeschooled through the end of middle school. Nobody has seen you since you were plastic and you'll be totally alone during your tiny only classes.

She subconsciously gripped the shirt underneath her tighter. 

Janis was on Damian's shoulder as they walked to their first class of the day. 

She knew deep down she'd feel better if she vocalized her worries to Damian, that way an outside source could ease her stress, but Damian had his own worries. He was in charge of not only getting him but also Janis to their classes on time- spare her tiny periods.

Janis had unintentionally made him stressed more just by existing.

Now, that's a little dramatic. The common-sense voice in her head said. It eerily sounded like Damian. Quite fitting.

No, it's true. The other part of her brain said. This one sounded like herself. 

Janis felt like she had her own tiny people on her shoulders. Just these were devils and angles, not best friends. 

Damian stopped in front of a classroom.

"English, co-sized, room 148, period one."

Sure enough, they stood in front of room 148. Janis could see kids she recognized at their grade, no longer eight graders but now freshman. 

"This won't be middle school." Janis mumbled to herself, trying to be reassuring.

"What?" Damian asked as he stepped into the room.

"Nothing," Janis said, a bit to fast. "Just talking to myself."

So much for that no worrying Damian part. 

"Okay," Damian said slowly.

He doesn't believe you, you fucked up. Shoulder devil Janis taunted.

Damian sat in the front row of the class so Janis would be able to see the board.

"You're gonna do great today," Damian reassured her, like he could tell exactly what she needed to hear. "If you need me at all during the day, just text me, okay?"

Look, failure, you've got him all worried. Shoulder Janis mocked.

No, he's just looking out for you, like friends should. The reasonable Damian sounding subconscious said. 

"I'm fine, really." Janis said with a soft smile.

-

Janis was pro at keeping her freakouts internal. As a plastic, she learned it better to just keep her problems to herself, bottle them up till she's lying in bed at night and they explode, like a mento in cola. 

Damian didn't like the method of emotional management that Janis adapted, but old habits die hard. 

Janis knew Damian wouldn't tell her to shut up like Regina would.

But he'll still judge you. Shoulder Janis reminder her. They all judge you. 

So she kept her freakouts internal. 

Until one night. She was at Damian's house for a sleepover. For the longest time, Janis would sleep on a makeshift bed next to Damian's nightstand. It was safer that way. Even though both Damian and Janis knew when Damian fell asleep he slept like a rock and didn't move, it wasn't worth the risk.

Cuz you're small and fragile and nothing but a worry. Shoulder Janis said. The reassuring mind Damian was quiet. 

Nothing to say, because I'm right.

Janis looked over to Damian on his bed. He was lying on his back with his eyes closed, but Janis could tell he was still awake. She shifted slowly in the tiny bed, not wanting to worry Damian. 

He deserves better than to be worried by you.  The devil Janis sneered. 

Janis knew logically that these were her own thoughts, but it felt like somebody else was saying them to her, confirming everything she feared. She was just a burden who got in the way. An irritant to all. A hassle to Damian, who had to take her everywhere.

Just like that, the mento fell in the coca-cola.

She quickly brought her hand up to her mouth to cover a cry. She didn't want to disrupt Damian. Not while he was still awake. She could fall apart when he was asleep. 

Her shoulders shook as silent tears slipped down her face. Janis wiped them away briskly. 

"Janis?"

Damian was sitting up in bed, looking at her small girl. 

Even though the dark room, Janis could feel his eyes on her.

"I'm fine." She said abruptly. Her defensive tone cueing that she was in fact, not fine.

You fucked that one up.

Janis rubbed at the ghost tears on her face, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes. 

Damian reached forward and scooped her up gingerly, his fingers wrapping around her gently as he laid back down on his side. He held Janis to his chest, like a kid holds a teddy bear. He didn't say anything or question her, just held her close. 

"I am fine, y' know" She said, but Janis gripped onto Damian's shirt despite herself, listening to Damian's heartbeat as they both fell asleep.

-

Janis? Where are you?

Janis glanced down at her phone. She was supposed to be meeting Damian at the tiny pick up zone, but instead, she was hiding in an empty classroom trying not to have a panic attack.

Nurse.

Janis typed back quickly, no point in telling the truth and getting Damian all worried.

Sorry if I made you wait too long and you're late to class.

You okay?

Yeah, im tits. dw about me

She placed her phone down, leaning against the cool concrete wall of the classroom. Damian would be heavily annoyed if she asked for help every time she felt this way.

He probably feels heavily annoyed with you no matter what. The inner Janis taunted.

"Right."

-

Janis knew Damian could tell she was upset. Janis also knew he wasn't gonna push her to talk about or bring it up first. And on top of all this knowledge, Janis knew she was in no way gonna vocalize her feelings. 

Sucks for her.

They were sitting in class, and Janis was trying to face forward and do her work, but her mind went anywhere other than algebra. 

She could feel Damian staring at her, but she refused to turn around a make eye contact. Janis did a shit job at hiding her emotions that morning, but she wasn't the type to admit when she was wrong.  Especially not after saying she was fine so many times earlier. 

Even though all she wanted to do was sleep in Damian's pocket until she had to go home, then sleep some more, she knew she just needs to push through the day under everyone's radar.

Because she was fine.

Yup, sure you are. Shoulder Janis was back, and as annoying as ever.

-

Janis was pretty sure her 'shoulder angle Damian' was just her brain spitting out anything positive Damian had ever said to her back out at her. 

Because it all sounded very familiar.  

But it all also got drowned out by the shoulder devil Janis, who was loud and mean and most importantly, she was right.

Anything shoulder Damian said, shoulder Janis had a counter that made more logical sense.

Does Damian actually like you?

Of course, he does, he's your friend! Why else would he carry you around all the time and care so much?

Pitty.

That one word made Janis's head spin because it made so much sense. 

Poor space dyke. Outed in front of her whole class in middle school. A tiny who can't do jack shit by herself. Who wouldn't feel bad?

"Janis?" She was sitting on Damian's shoulder as they (no- Damian) walked to lunch. She hadn't noticed they'd arrive because she was so lost in thought.

"I'm fine." She said.

-

"I can't spend every second with you, its not my fault you're like in love with me."

They were at the Hubbard's. Cady was long gone. But her words still echoed. 

Damian was holding Janis to his chest, one hand underneath her, the other gently pressing her there. 

Janis wasn't crying. She told herself she wouldn't cry over something like this again. 

But crying or not, she felt sick. Like Cady physically ripped out her heart and stomped on it.

"Janis?" Damian asked, his voice vibrating through her small body.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." Damian says. For once he doesn't ignore it or move along.

"You're allowed to be hurting, you're allowed to not be okay. I'll still be here with an okay Janis and a not okay Janis because you are my best friend and I love you. I know I can't make the hurt go away but I want to help and I can't do that if you shut me out and say you're fine"

It sounded like something shoulder Damian had said so many times, but hearing the real Damian say it, it drowned out the shoulder Janis, and suddenly, Janis wasn't fine. But that was okay.

Damian didn't move or interrupt her as she cried, blubbering about everyone thinking she's a stupid lesbian.  

Damian didn't leave like Cady did, or judge her like Regina did.

Because he wasn't Cady or Regina.

He was Damian.

Janis felt bad for lying to him this whole time. 

Of course, Damian wouldn't leave her, or make fun of her, or take pity on her.

Damian hung out with her because he loved her, and Janis didn't need any small shoulder people to tell her that.

Tag list: @musicallygt @realmisspolarbear @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons

[chaos-burst]

Since Taliesin said that Molly would never even consider seducing Caleb bc Damage™, what about a fic called "When you're ready"

Caleb isn’t sure how it happened, even though he knows exactly when it started.

What he knows is this:

Mollymauk has been flirting with him. Caleb knows this because he has watched him for a very long time, flirting with other people, winking, swishing his tail playfully, licking his lips when he is interested in someone. Caleb has catalogued every movement, every expression, every dip of Mollymauk’s voice when he speaks with someone he finds attractive.

His memory is flawless.

So when Mollymauk’s voice dips lower when he tells Caleb that his newest spell in impressive, Caleb knows. It’s in the way Mollymauk’s eyes linger on his face and how he smiles--almost absentmindedly--when he watches Caleb read in the corner of an inn while everyone else is drinking and having fun.

What Caleb also knows is:

Mollymauk always goes for what he wants. So it doesn’t make any sense that he would simply keep looking and smiling and flirting without ever getting physical. Without ever making innuendo that would suggest the two of them having sex. Mollymauk is very careful about the way he touches Caleb and it’s never suggestive. Never makes Caleb uncomfortable--as if Mollymauk has done all the calculations, has catalogued Caleb’s reactions to being touched in different ways, and then proceeds to stay in his lane.

Mollymauk Tealeaf, by definition of his very being, never stays in his lane.

Except when it comes to Caleb Widogast, it seems.

Caleb is a very smart man, but he has no idea what is going on. He’s able to understand the most complicated concepts, the most difficult types of magic, mathematical equations, elaborate grammatical structures of languages long dead. But he cannot for the life of him figure out one chaotic disaster of a Tiefling.

At this point, Caleb is sure he understands Jester better than he understands Mollymauk, and that is a feat he never hoped to accomplish when they first started traveling together.

It has been almost 15 months since Mollymauk came back from the grave a second time. It has been almost 14 months since Mollymauk started flirting with Caleb.

And in those 14 months not once has he tried to kiss Caleb, or put his clawed hands on Caleb’s thighs, or pushed him into a wall again, like he did so long ago in those catacombs.

It took Caleb 6 months to understand that he is, in fact, helplessly in love with Mollymauk Tealeaf.

But Caleb is still Caleb.

And of course it takes drastic measures to push Caleb over the edge.

What happens is this:

For all his work with fire, Caleb is still helpless when confronted with it. He throws flames around like it is nothing, he builds walls of fire and throws flaming spheres across battlefields. His own fire never burns him, but other people are just as adapt as him sometimes.

So when the flaming strike shoots towards him Caleb thinks for just a second that it is poetic justice that he is going to die just like his parents did. He can hear the twin screams of Jester and Beauregard.

Then a body wraps around him, a familiar, solid body covered in scars. Soft hair tickles him in the face for just a moment as Mollymauk--stupid, impulsive, self sacrificial Mollymauk Tealeaf--puts himself between Caleb and the flames.

Caleb’s panic engulfs him like a raging storm when the heat gets almost unbearable, but Mollymauk is still standing, still hugging Caleb close to his chest, as if his life depended on it. His brain is short circuiting, he can feel the panic creeping at the back of his mind when he smells burning flesh, but his brain also provides him with one completely ridiculous fact:

This is the first time Mollymauk has hugged him.

When the flames stop coming Mollymauk shudders around him and his grip loosens, before he stumbles to his knees.

“Mollymauk”, Caleb rasps. “What on--”

“Tiefling”, Mollymauk croaks and has the audacity to wink at Caleb. “Fire resistance, darling.”

Then he falls unconscious.

Caleb’s mind goes blank, because no, not again, not again, not again, not for him of all people.

Beauregard kills the man who threw fire at him with her bare hands. Caleb knows that he should probably fall into his catatonic state right now because of the smell and the sight of Mollymauk’s burned skin and--

Caleb has to ask him. He will not allow Mollymauk to die yet again, because how often can they tempt fate and bring people back from the dead? Caleb cannot know for sure, so he has to ask. He needs to know. He wants to understand.

He is there when Mollymauk opens his eyes the next day. The pale sunlight filtering through the milky windows makes his purple skin look strangely pale. Caleb looks at all the faint, thin scars on his upper torso, his neck, his arms. What a reckless way of fighting, he thinks, to hurt yourself in favor of making someone else suffer.

To hurt yourself so others might get away.

Caleb swallows.

“Hey, Mr Caleb”, Mollymauk says with an almost smile. “You ok?”

Caleb scoffs.

“I did not get burned to a crisp.”

“Funny how that works, huh?”

Caleb stares at him.

“Why?”, he asks bluntly. Before he can chicken out again, he has to ask. Mollymauk blinks at him slowly and it reminds Caleb so much of Frumpkin that he feels a smile tug at his lips. Damn it. He is so painfully in love with this ridiculous man, he almost can’t bear it.

Almost.

“Well, I told you, Mr Caleb. I’m fire resistant--”

“No. That is not what I mean. Why--why do you... What do you want from me, Mollymauk?”

It sounds harsher than Caleb had anticipated and he can see Mollymauk’s face fall. He watches as Mollymauk swallows and turns his head away, then takes a deep, controlled breath before his red eyes find Caleb’s face.

“Ah”, he says and manages a crooked smile. “We’re talking about that now, huh?”

“You almost died. Again. I feel like it is foolish not to speak about those things if you might just be dead again tomorrow.”

Molly nods slowly and swallows again. 

“To be honest, I’m not sure what you want to hear. I know that you know how I feel about you. So what exactly is it that you want to talk about?”

Caleb’s heart stumbles in his chest and he balls his hands into fists.

“I--Why? Why do you--what--”

“Caleb”, Mollymauk says and Caleb stops his stuttering. He closes his mouth and it costs him every drop if willpower to keep his eyes on Mollymauk’s face.

“I’ll say this once, ok? Because honestly, telling the truth is just exhausting, but I guess I can manage for you. I am very much in love with you, Mr Caleb. Maybe you think that’s ridiculous, maybe you even think I’m not that bad, maybe you don’t care at all. Who knows. I certainly don’t! But I know what kind of guy you are, yeah? I know you have... your baggage. That’s fine with me. All I’m saying is. I’m here. If, or you know. When you’re ready.”

Caleb stares at him. He’s not sure he heard correctly.

“You--I--”

“Yes. Also, don’t think about complaining because I saved your life. You can just buy me a drink or two. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Don’t tell Beau I told you so, or she’ll hit me again.”

Caleb feels like he should comment on Mollymauk’s confession. Say anything. But his throat is dry and his heart is hammering in his chest so hard, Caleb is sure it might just fly out of his rib cage. Damn this ridiculous man.

Maybe he can just tell Mollymauk that he doesn’t mind the flirting. That he is in fact in love with Mollymauk as well. Because Mollymauk doesn’t know and still he flirts and he is waiting.

The corners of his eyes are burning and none of those words come out.

“I will... I will get back to you with... with that”, he croaks and it’s definitely the most stupid answer to a love confession the world has ever seen. Shame washes over Caleb like a tidal wave. But Mollymauk smiles at him.

“That’s fine, Mr Caleb. When you’re ready”, he repeats. 

“When I’m... Ja. Ja, ok.”

[untaintedtea]

I should have written this earlier when Witcher Netflix was more fresh in my mind (I haven't done a proper rewatch yet) but I still wanted to write a post about some thoughts I had (that I actually remember lol) and stuff I want in the next season. It's like 99% about Geralt/Yen/Ciri bc I have three brain cells and they're dedicated to them.

The spoiler-free stuff: I definitely loved it! There's some scenes in the book that I would have loved to have seen on screen that I'll mention later, but I really liked it for the most part. My main issue is the pacing, but I understand them trying to fit so much into only 8 episodes -- I hope next season will have at least 10 or even 12 eps to fully flesh out the storylines. There were times where I wondered how easy it was to follow if you didn't know the books, and it seems that it's kinda been mixed? But all-in-all people are loving it, there's lots of memes and new content, and I'm happy about that.

Yennefer's backstory and Anya Chalotra were the highlights for me, and I loved Tissaia as well. By "I haven't done a proper rewatch" I mean that I've only rewatched the first ep (Renfri ❤️) and the parts with Geralt/Yennefer lmao. I'll prob watch it all again later on. Now to the spoilery stuff (includes some refs to the books):

Some specific stuff I liked:

Geralt finally being able to sleep in the Last Wish episode and then him saying in the next ep that before he met Yen, "nights were restless" so she/the thought of her helps him sleep now? lol

Yen touching Geralt's face after he tells her she's important to him as if she can't believe she's important to someone right then and needs to make sure he's real or that she's not dreaming 😭

Téa and Véa and how they actually talked instead of not really communicating well themselves in the books

Yen's elven blood being emphasized and it being a thing that allows her to be naturally inclined towards magic…idek I'm just into that lmao

Geralt "hm"-ing all the time was excellent and is, unfortunately, v relatable

I wasn't gonna say this but since I posted about his casting on my blog previously…I'm still not a fan of Henry but I cannot deny his knowledge and dedication to Geralt and the Witcher lore, and I think he portrayed Geralt very well to the point where I don’t think I imagine anyone else playing the role now? I really mean this bc before I refused to reblog/tweet anything with him in it bc I’m petty LMAO

This is obvious but Toss a Coin to Your Witcher is the song of the year and Her Sweet Kiss is also good. @ netflix soundtrack WHEN

Some stuff I have issues with:

Istredd getting an expanded storyline is fine with me (and will probably set up better angst) but I wish he didn't do the thing Geralt does in Thanedd where he thinks about things Yen likes…I guess that's minor by itself, but Geralt thinking about the house in Thanedd is so important and I hope at least they keep that for the future. Also making the imaginary sorcerers Yennefer conjured up clap like in Thanedd is like…ok I'll allow it but Thanedd better be Extra Good bc I remember reading the part where they're in bed again when I wanted to make myself upset lmao

I wish we got the line when Geralt first called Yennefer "Yen" because "nobody's ever called me that. Say it again" is SO POWERFUL and I think that would have helped set up Geralt/Yen better in the series. Anya did describe the relationship as "animalistic and full of lust" and honestly that's fair but I also want people to understand why tf I'm smiling when we watch them fuck after the last wish instead of being like "ok but where did this come from" lmao. Yeah they’re horny af but pls!!!

Tbh I just want more Angst...like in the Bounds of Reason ep, the "you left" thing and Geralt asking for forgiveness was so short and would have been better if they just…expanded on it a little more…idek this is where I really wished they had an extra episode or two just to elaborate :/

The lack of baby dragon is so sad tbh. I liked that they did without Yen getting her titties exposed and threatened with rape obviously but the baby dragon running over to Yen tho!!

Ciri is my sweet child whom I love dearly and I understand her storyline but I wasn't super into her parts in a way? It makes sense since she's running and hiding and I felt her panic and loneliness and all that, but I think this could have only been fixed if they did Brokilon like in the books. I guess they'd have to cut down on Calanthe maybe?

As for the "Who is Yennefer?" ending:

I know many book readers weren't super satisfied with this, since ofc this is the famous "you're something more" scene, but I think it's fine within the context of the show because of the way Brokilon was handled (obviously I would have liked to see Geralt + Ciri interactions so we could have gotten “something more” though). It also sets up a connection between Yen + Ciri early on -- not really a strong one, but a connection nonetheless. And ofc it makes sense to people who don't know the books, and this is an adaptation after all.

I wish it wasn't as abrupt though? The fact that Ciri's first words to Geralt were about Yennefer is kind of a weird, but I guess that Ciri's vision was so vivid she couldn't help it maybe? And her mentioning Yennefer after Geralt talked about being linked by destiny enforces that it's all three of them linked.

I think this ending line allows for flashbacks via communication? Like if Geralt were to tell Ciri about Yen (and Yen telling Ciri about Geralt), they could elaborate on the relationship between Geralt/Yennefer that way and maybe have a flashback episode or at least a few scenes. I don’t really imagine Geralt saying too much about Yen but still?

So that takes us to things I want in the next season (not exhaustive; I need to do a BoE re-read):

The Dear Friend letter!!

And obviously before that, Triss staying at Kaer Morhen for a while…I wouldn't mind if they completely wrote out any attraction she had to Geralt ofc, but Ciri being sure that Triss is "not Geralt's woman" is also good

Imagine Ciri reading Yennefer's mind and accidentally seeing her thoughts about Geralt…not that she'd even need to though, as long as Yen tells Ciri that Geralt's hands are very gentle is enough lmao. But I'd love the "what is there between you and Geralt" line! In general, I really want Yen/Geralt to be like, the most obvious thing to the audience lol.

Yen telling Ciri that she's lucky bc Ciri knows that Geralt will come back for her and Yen isn't sure that Geralt would do the same for her 😭

Since they're doing the story with Nivellen, I'm hoping for other short stories to be adapted too. My favourite is A Shard of Ice, and I read that it's Henry's favourite too so I'm optimistic about it being included somehow. And since Istredd has a bigger role, it could work? ALSO WE NEED EVERYONE TO KNOW ABOUT THE UNICORN. PLEASE

Flashbacks to Belleteyn (is having another orgy scene ok. pls say yes) and the Geralt seeing that the 14th name on the hill wasn't Yennefer. He wanted to die again ahhhhhhh

Yarpen asking Geralt "is [Ciri] yours?"

More Jaskier songs about Geralt/Yen…even just one pls

And more angst bc like. There's so much come on lmao hurt the audience

A lot of Yennefer + Ciri. Just a Lot of it.

[sleepingfancies]

please go off abt detective loki,,, im curious to hear what u have to say abt him!!! 💖

*SLAMS CHAIR DOWN*

SO. YOU WANT ME TO GO OFF ABOUT LOKI.

Praying for you that this read more link works bc otherwise this is gonna be a Cursed Post to all my poor followers. Shit gets long. I have A Lot to say akdjfshfk

Thanks to the investigative skills of the amazing and wonderful @deputyrook (ily), I recently learned that Detective Loki’s backstory included such things as: serving time in juvie, he was formerly religious, and he also possibly suffered from some kind of drug addiction he’s now clean from. It was briefly mentioned in the movie that he spent 6 years in a boys’ home (a rather rough one, by the way Loki talked about it). Boys’ homes are, by definition, “residential sectors where boys are provided food and care when they cannot be adequately cared for by their families, either due to a family crises or the child’s own behavioral issues.”

What this tells me is that:

A) Loki most likely had some heavy childhood trauma that drove him into being a “bad kid” (not that such a thing actually exists, imo, but that’s another essay for another day). It probably took well over a decade to get himself stabilized.

B ) Loki of present day has no family, no personal connections, no friends, absolutely nothing to call his own except the clothes on his back, his car, and... maybe a place to live? I assume he has one somewhere, but we never see him there - he’s constantly either prowling around town or at the station.

C) Loki’s occult tattoos, and his general distaste for anything religious, probably come from an internal place of feeling like some higher power abandoned him along the way. I have no doubt he carefully selected each one to have some personal meaning, but ultimately they all tie back to distancing himself from Christianity (double that if he was religious as a child, or came from a religious family). This also makes me wonder if his last name was something else, and that he changed it to “Loki” upon getting himself back on his feet.

D) Heading off of the boys’ home note; boys’ homes, like most other institutions in the US, legally can’t force residents to stay once they turn 18. Assuming his time there ended at 6 years because he aged out and went off on his own, well, for one that means he was admitted when he was 12 years old. Which is... wow. For two, that means his behavior was never necessarily resolved. Which, given how Jake plays Loki, I’m inclined to believe (I’ll touch on that later).

All of this leads me to some interesting observations during the movie.

For one, Loki is amazing at staying the “adult in the room” in the face of belligerence (e.g. Keller Dover losing his shit in Loki’s car). I know personally, it is almost physically impossible for me not to get my back up when someone else decides they want to take some aggressive tone with me - and I am about as far as one can get from a “troubled kid.” So I have to wonder how many years and how much abuse Loki endured to be able to choose not to respond to people antagonizing him? I have a hard time believing it was just police training that got him to this place of neutrality. And it seems to me like he’s making a genuine effort to stay calm, and to calm the people around him (”please just let me do my job”).

Which leads me into something Mrs. Dover said. “They say you’ve solved every case you’ve ever had, is that true?” And to be fair, I assume Loki’s silence there is supposed to imply that that isn’t true, but it implies so much beyond that. It implies he puts 100% effort into his cases, that he barely sleeps when he knows there’s a chance he can put dangerous people behind bars and save innocent lives. It also implies he feels deeply about the cases he hasn’t solved, or the ones where he got the perpetrator put away but the victims didn’t make it out alive. He carries that with him, constantly.

We see more of this when Keller recognizes his daughter’s bloody sock. His immediate response is to blame Loki. “This is your fault. You didn’t try hard enough. You did this to my daughter.” And Loki says nothing, he doesn’t make any different expression - but his eyes twitch. Jake Gyllenhaal remarked that this was a physical tic he improvised for Loki, one that served as Loki’s channel for intense emotions and/or becoming overstimulated with thoughts and information. Rather than actually emote, his eyes twitch. There is nothing newly informative or particularly overstimulating about the bloody sock scene, which leaves only intense emotion to be the cause of that twitch. And given Loki’s panic when he was searching Bob’s house and boxes for Anna and Joy, I doubt it’s anger. I’m willing to bet it’s that Loki already feels that way. He’s blaming himself. Keller just spoke Loki’s own feelings into existence.

I’ll circle back to that in a minute, because I think Loki making his cases so personal is very telling of his character.

Now, to go back and touch on why I think it’s most likely Loki aged out of the boys’ home rather than graduated - Loki has adapted with his behavior, he hasn’t resolved it at all. It does not seem to me at all like Loki has therapeutic strategies, especially considering I’m 99% sure any therapist or behavior counselor would not encourage bottling up your emotions and disconnecting yourself from human contact. Loki made these steps on his own. He learned to redirect his anger to people who deserved it by becoming part of law enforcement. He decided that he was safer closed off and unavailable to intense emotions. He might’ve even decided other people were safer stuck on the other side of his walls.

There are a whole of two times Loki clearly loses his temper - when Bob keeps drawing mazes rather than giving him a straight answer, and when Bob kills himself and Loki realizes he just lost his best lead. While these are both reasonable things to get worked up about, he reacts so intensely and so personally to them that (circling back to my earlier point) it tells me, deep down, there is an incredibly soft and vulnerable heart in there that’s been locked up for decades.

Loki didn’t want Bob to kill himself. He didn’t mean for things to escalate that far. You can hear it in his voice, he’s genuinely shaken and upset by what just happened. In the following scene when he basically destroys his desk, that is directed at no one and nothing but himself. He’s so angry at himself - for not understanding Bob’s maze, for getting Bob killed, for having to tell the Dovers their one suspect is gone, for feeling helpless when it comes to finding the girls. Loki doesn’t deal well with other people’s failure, but he doesn’t even accept his own.

And I mean - do I even need to mention when he finds Anna? The man is bleeding profusely from a bullet wound in his head, he’s half unconscious, he’s a long way from the hospital, but he doesn’t even think about any of that. He makes it his one singular goal to get her to the emergency room even if he dies trying. And the way he talked to her? “Stay with me Anna, don’t die, just hold on.” I know on the surface it’s obviously just a tactic to keep her (and himself, let’s be honest) awake. But it was so deeply feeling, so honest, so raw, so panicked?

I don’t know, man. I’ve said things to other people before that I wished someone had said to me, and that’s what those lines sounded like to me. Which, if he had been a drug addict at one point, and if he overdosed but no one was there for him? The puzzle pieces fit.

And then to have people visit him in the hospital? To have someone call him a hero? He has no idea how to react to that, because I’m guessing neither of those things have ever happened to him before. And he isn’t really sure what to say to someone being so overwhelmingly grateful for and to him. So he doesn’t really say anything. His eyes just twitch. We can fill in the blanks.

The man has a soft heart, a vulnerability that he refuses to let anyone see, but it’s there. He’s just as scared and angry and confused as Keller 90% of the time. He just hides it better.

Which, ultimately all of this leads me to the conclusion that - for as far as Loki’s distanced himself from religion, as clean as he is now, as stable as he is, as well as he’s channeled his anger, as guarded as he keeps himself - this entire job, to him, is a chance at redemption.

Loki doesn’t think he’s deserving of love. He doesn’t believe he’s capable of having the kind of stability the Dovers are so familiar with. He doesn’t think he can just slide into a friend group after all these years. He doesn’t regard his own life highly. But the ability to save other people’s lives and keep dangerous people locked away - that’s his apology to the world. Of course he cares about these cases because he’s a good man, but it’s more than that. It’s that he believes this is the only way he cant repent for not always being a good man.

Which leads me to his first name. I’ve rambled about the symbolism of his name to @deputyrook before, but David. David. Given all of the Biblical symbolism in this movie, personally my mind immediately leaps to David and Goliath.

David - detective Loki and his desire to be a good man - is in a constant war against Goliath - Loki’s own trauma and troubled past. And there really isn’t a way to have one without the other, which makes Loki’s character so tragic. He isn’t ever going to heal, not completely, not when his entire career is him trying to apologize over and over again. He solves almost all the cases he’s given because he won’t, can’t, accept more failure.

Loki’s last line in the movie is “pray for the best, prepare for the worst.” For being a character so deeply centered in anti-religion, that’s an odd line to make his last. Combine that with how strange it is that he wouldn’t also change his first name, if he changed his last name to distance himself from religion. His name, and that last line, might just be symbolic of the few shreds of hope he has for himself. Hope that maybe he can have what the Dovers have, the hope that maybe one day when he’s gone he’ll be remembered by somebody and for something good.

Because that’s really all he wants, all he can hope, for himself. Since he doesn’t think he’ll ever have human connection, or love, or a family - as much as he would like to have those - he’ll settle for being just a little more than somebody’s bad memory, or being a little more than some name on a headstone.

[gg-astrology]

Hi gg! Could you please do a post on Aries Sun + Capricorn Moon? Thank you for your time :D

Hey there! 💕aaaaaaaah!!! 💕💕💕

[Below Cut: Aries Sun - Capricorn Moon🐯 ] 

stubborn  i d i o t !

Is the most (emotionally/internally) strongest person you know! until they break down crying

Once their tears starts, everyone is in PaNIC!!!!

We worry about you!!! You idiot!!!

You don’t have to be strong all the time!!!!

When they cry, other’s c r y too

Doesn’t understand what it means to have others care for them

Bc they’re usually the one who look out and care for others!! They feel natural/at their best when they’re the protector!! Not the protected!!

Is terrible at giving back!!! And letting people in, especially emotionally!!!

If you insist on sitting them down or asking like ‘so…do you have anything…you wanna talk about?’ in regards to y know– their internal emotions (to let them vent)- they’ll go ‘what? i’m fine!’

And you know what? They DO seem fine!

Until they’re NOT!! And that’s WORSE!!!

The thing is– they ignore their emotions until it goes away!

And since their emotions is in CAPRICORN….

God…..these people 

Here’s a few scenarios how ‘questioning’ could prompt them to Shut Down Emotionally:

‘q: what’s going on with you?’ - will only make them uncomfortable, maybe defensive, it’s a really awkward position to be put in, and they feel like they have to redirect it somewhere else. Usually to like, their job/projects they’re working on, more material things. 

‘q: im here for you if you need me’ - maybe touched, maybe ‘unfeeling’, depends on context. Like whether it’s said after the person hinting strongly at a past event/tragedy/break-up that has occurred – they’ll decline the offer. But if it’s said with honest intentions (no expectations) they’ll be grateful 

‘q: so… how do you… feel about this?’ - tight lipped hard press, they may have an Opinion ready but emotionally? they’re not as invested. They may like the Drama (if it’s involving someone else) but if it’s theirs. They’d rather be Opinionated than being seen in a ‘vulnerable’ or weak light

The type of people who would Rather Die than ask others for sympathy, condolences or emotional nurturing

And that’s not an exaggeration, they’d rather be Anywhere But There when they’re put on the spot/pressured to open up to someone Like That

While all this may be fun and nice and kinda—dramatic (in a weird stubborn way) it does talk about the stubbornness of the Aries/Capricorn that may limit their vision/capabilities

See– like, there’s a lot of strength to them as an individual. They’re people who are upfront and forth-right. Often tries to lead others by example

They have a natural aura of a leader with them and people flock to them because they seem ‘stable’ and balanced

Most of the time, they might not realize they have emotions other than they ones they know of for years.

It takes a lot for them to recognize their own lack of emotional growth (bc– you know, maybe we don’t talk about this enough….but your emotions do change as your age..you’re supposed to experience more emotional range as you grow….imagine…a baby?? who only knows 3 emotions….and then a kid…with 10 more emotions….you’re supposed to adapt and grow…have more emotional turmoil and not…kinda suppress them and not realize you’re suppressing them bc you have to figure out which part is you pushing for rationality/practicality and which part are you allowed to accept as emotions/you can be emotional for once)

I think the biggest key factor to Aries/Capricorn combo is that they grab their emotions, strangle it and twist it into maturity with sheer strength

Like,,,, they don’t experience emotional turmoil just because they kinda– just manhandle it into ‘maturity’

While this might appeal to other people around you (since it makes you less emotional and way more practical, wise, ‘mature’) it’s mostly detrimental to you

Because you know what you can never be accused of/used to explain you? No one can say you’re emotional (*implying a full range of emotions, not just specific ones you know. This goes for both positive emotions and negative emotions, in different shades/specificity) 

No one might think you’re emotional, and while some might cherish this fact. It might make you think a little about….y know…what does that mean

You absolutely won’t get ‘messy’, over-complicated things– things that progresses/comes once, twice, thrice instead of all together makes you frustrated. You want to deal with things when they come to you all at once, in a neat little package. Here’s what the end goal is, what is expected. Here’s the premise. Work on it.

When you’re working on something, and you constantly have to wait for ‘updates’ on stuff that requires you to be adaptable/flexible. Not only once, but twice or three times. It makes you angry.

Please try to evaluate your own emotional range, and how it could affect your behaviour too.

Most people would rather you lean on them, or ask them for help/admit that you have something to work on (show interest in it)– they won’t laugh at you for it.

You know this, yet you don’t trust it to be true (cynical to an extent)

While your strength may be commendable, you might allow it consume your entirety and not make room for balance in your behaviour/personality.

Just think of the lessons Cancer brings. Balance, between the individual and others. The Home Life/Domestic and the Individual. Sensitive versus Strength.

It’s asking you to embody both, to balance the both of them together. Rather than being good at one and completely disregarding the other.

And while looking at Cancer to balance your Capricorn can be good— it does ‘harden’ your shell a little more (because they’re sister signs) so you gotta look at Libra too

Remember, you embody Strength and Discipline right now (disciplining your emotions, it doesn’t compromise your individuality or autonomy) but you also gotta embody Balance and Diplomacy. 

Learn how to let others be equal, how to be fair. How to even the playing grounds for those around you.

Take lessons from Cancer and Libra, it’ll help you with your own progression 💕 

You may be a little tiger, but you’re also allowed to be a baby cub who has to grow into a teenage, and then a full grown adult tiger at your own time 💕

Even if you despise thinking of yourself as less developed than others, everybody has to start somewhere. Working your way up, no matter what age, is a skill everybody appreciates and won’t make fun of you for. 💕

I hope this helps!! 💕💕 thanks for dropping by!! ;; 💕💕

[m0onbean]

friends to lovers!au mark lee

gif credit

i was inspired bc my sister recently confessed to her best friend and the way she did it was hella cute soo....

when you first entered high school you didn't know anybody since you just moved in town

nd it was rlly hard trying to adapt since you were a new kid + u were socially awkward 

on ur first day of school u sat down in ur seat in English nervous as hell bc there are so many... unfamiliar faces.... hELP

and next to u is your seat partner who is this guy who has brown hair and is wearing a pink sweater nd ur like .... ok u can do this u can make conversation with him

but then the teacher interrupts and ur like WeLP THERE GOES MY SOCIAL LIFE AND MY CHANCES OF MAKING FRIENDS :)))))))))))))))

ur teacher basically just talks about the syllabus and other boring stuff nd honestly his voice is so monotone that u just feel like napping

nd u notice that the guy next to you is also trying hella hard not to sleep and you smile to yourself at how his head cutely falls down as he's dozing off but then he immediately wakes up nd pretends like nothing happened

your teacher just keeps on talking and at one point he's like "i hope nobody's fallen asleep yet! :D" jokingly 

and under your breath you're like "... we're literally all about to pass out" 

you expect nobody to notice but then u hear the boy next to you let out a small laugh nd u look over and ohmygod he looks so cute whenever his face scrunches up from smiling!!

when the bell rings you're about to get up and the boy suddenly approaches u and is like "hi... i'm mark... i'm from canada" 

nd you just laugh and go "hi mark from canada i'm (y/n) from ___" nd then he gets rlly embarrassed bC WHY DID HE SAY THAT

but its ok bc u thought it was cute

nd from then on he introduces you to his friend group which is just filled with a bunch of crackheads honestly

u join their squad and for the next highschool years you basically become best friends with all of them

but mark... he becomes your #1 bff immediately

you're both awkward & dorky so when u two are laughing to eachother about some dog meme on Instagram haechan and jisung judge you two so hard 

you two like to go on adventures together in town like maybe riding bicycles to a park OR going into costume shops just to have fun trying on wigs 

during English the teacher probably hates you two bc instead of focusing on how to write an analytical essay u and mark are listening to music while playing endless rounds of tic tac toe

anyways the whole school year passes nd now u two are sophomores 

a lot of people gossip about u two and speculate when u two are gonna start dating but ????? you don't see mark that way and ur 2971301% sure he doesn't see you that way either

in fact u two like to make a lot of dating jokes and pretend to be a youthful, happy couple so y'all can get free things from cashiers who can't resist your adorableness

yet sometimes.... u wonder what it would be like to actually date him but u convince urself that a) mark doesn't like you THAT way and b) being best friends is just as good

jeno is your #2 best friend because he's actually the most normal one in your squad + he's actually rlly compassionate and reasonable like DAMN husband material

nd u tell jeno that u always wonder what it would be like... to have mark has ur boyfriend and he'd be like Well not much would change right? 

whenever ur away from mark u two are either facetiming or texting

whether it's just sending eachother funny memes or tagging eachother in videos of cute animals ... u never go a day without interacting

one day he suddenly doesn't reply to any of your texts or calls and you're ??? ok mayb he's just busy bc he does play basketball a lot with the boys

but then..... u start getting worried so u ask ur groupchat where he's been

you: has anyone seen mark? he's not responding to any of my messages

dream groupchat~

bitch #1 (renjun): why ???? r u worried about him ;)

bitch #2 (haechan): OOooOoOo bc u care about ur Boyfriend?!!

bitch #3 (jisung): omg i'm blushing u 2 are so cute uwu

you: omg shut up i hate you three

jeno<3: i heard he's at the hospital

nana<3: yea he injured his foot

dolphin: yah not to be a snitch BUT he told us not to tell you

you: wait what?!

you rush to the nearest hospital on ur bicycle and when you find mark just chilling on a hospital bed with a cast on his foot u almost pass out

nd he's rlly surprised at first but when he sees tears stream down ur face he immediately feels like the worst guy on Earth

he has to hug you nd tell you 194820 times that he's OK and that he's sorry for not telling u abt the injury

when u find out that some guy ran over his foot with a skateboard u immediately find the guy at school and almost kick him but the whole squad holds u back

at school chenle privately tells u that mark didn't want to tell u abt the injury bc he didn't want you to worry about him but ??? that's BS!! 

chenle tries to imply that mark cares about u in a Special way but u completely miss it

in fact, the rest of the dream squad always talks about u two behind your backs and are like "when tf r they gonna realize their feelings"

even tho haechan wants to just leave you guys in a room to talk about it the rational ones (aka Jeno & RenJun) are like "no just let them figure out on their own"

junior year starts!! and u feel...... different

everyone around you starts to date and you wish you could too

some ppl have asked u out before but u kindly rejected them all.... but why?? why don't u have feelings for them?? they're cute and probably ur ideal type yet u still don't want them

nd whenever all ur frieds are in relationships u feel left out 

Jaemin tells u that u don't need to date to "fit in" but you don't understand why u're not attracted to anyone

so imagine how ... lost ... you feel when mark starts dating someone

he's mentioned this girl a couple of times before and how she's pretty nd u would always agree and encourage him to make a move

but it's all too sudden and unexpected when he texts you about it

chat with mark-

morkypoo: (y/n) i'm dating her

you: who? that girl you mentioned a few times?

morkypoo: yea

morkypoo: you're not mad right?

you: no! i'm happy for you! why would i be mad

morkypoo: idk 

and you WERE happy for him!! but u kinda just relied on him to stay single forever with you so y'all can make fun of the other dream boys when they date 

besides that.... you sort of feel.... jealous?!

so ur on a phone call with jeno panicking and ranting abt how you're so confused!!!

and jeno just calmly listens and is like "okay let's see here... why would you be jealous?"

nd u would be like "because i want him to be my best friend and i don't want him to ditch me for someone else i guess!!!"

"any other reason??"

and you would think hard about it and suddenly

oh shit

you like mark.

in your panic you hang up on jeno and throw your phone somewhere 

and your heart.... aches. 

like there's this sharp pain around it and wow. This sucks.

the tall boy from Canada whose face scrunches up whenever he laughs, the boy who you share blankets with during movies, the boy who you have as your lockscreen is actually ... your first love...

so in order to forget your pain you try to deny it 

its normal for friends to sometimes feel attraction right??? it's okay for you to think about kissing your friend right???

without even realizing it, you start distancing yourself from mark in an attempt to figure out your feelings

mark is confused about why you stopped tagging him in Canada memes and why you always go to sleep earlier nd can't call him anymore

during school you two still talk a lot ofc but whenever mark's gf comes around to kiss or hug him you immediately turn around and leave 

the dream squad watches this happen for a month before they finally decide to deal with this shit themselves

haechan: ok squad our lovely couple is falling apart we need to save them

renjun: haechan we aren't going to lock them in a room!!

jeno: well (y/n) is sad about mark dating someone else

jisung: that idiot... why'd he have to date that girl

jaemin: idk bc we all know he doesn't really like her

chenle: ur right she's annoying af

haechan: i watched them talk before... the conversation was STALE

and as the boys try to figure out a plan, you lay on your bed contemplating everything with your heart feeling stuffy

junior year ends and summer starts 

but now, you're certain of your feelings

mark offers you to get ice cream at night and you agree

when you both arrive at the ice cream store you realize how much you loved just spending time with mark

and how you would die if your friendship fell apart bc of your stupid feelings

after you two are done, you say your goodnights and you enter your car with a clouded mind

and you sit in your car, not even budging, just thinking

before u know it, you grab your phone and you dial mark's number

he answers after the first ring and is like "(y/n) what's up?"

"i know this is really embarrassing and i'm probably going to regret saying this but... i think i like you. no. i like you, mark."

the line goes silent and you can tell he's shocked

after seconds you hear him go, ".... oh okay." nd you scramble to hang up the call, thinking you messed everything up

he sounded really surprised and you start beating yourself up over it

when you drive home, you get a text response from mark that says

morkypoo: i think i like you too

morkypoo: no, i like you. 

after your confession it seems like things are back to normal except now you cuddle closer to him and hold hands with him a LOT

your favorite thing is to surprise him with pecks to his cheeks bc it gets him so freaking embarrasing and flustered!! and now he's scrambling for words bc u literally made him forget what he was about to say

u two decide not to tell the dream squad abt your relationship until a few days

but ofc the plan goes wrong bc suddenly as u two are watching Netflix while sharing popcorn mark gets a call from haechan

nd mark is ? and answers it 

AND haechan is like "hey mark let's meet at the library tomorrow at 2:00pm"

mark, suspiciously: u never go to the library...

haechan: uHHHHH i want to read books ok bye see you there!!!

then he just hangs up and mark is is hella confused and you're just staring at him with the same ? expression

not even a second later your phone starts ringing and guess who it is. yup, haechan.

haechan: let's meet at the library tomorrow at 2:10 pm! oh yeah and don't tell mark!! ok bye!

after discussing it with mark, you 2 come to the agreement to just play along with whatever game haechan was pulling

and once you arrive at the library you're immediately pushed into a study room by haechan and he's like"TALK OUT YOUR FEELIINGS" then locks the door

hmm and guess who else is in that room? mark.

u 2 look at eachother then start laughing bC HAECHAN WAS TRYING TO set you guys together but y'all were one step ahead

to surprise haechan (who was trying to pretend like he wasn't spying on you two from the door's window), you kiss mark on the cheek 

the door bursts open and haechan is like ???WTF that fast???wow i'm good at this-

you: no we were already together

haechan:

haechan, pulling out his phone: i'm telling the squad that you two are fake friends for not telling us this earlier

[halfofxerxes]

//Xerxes, to a certain extent, does take from Roman and Greek aesthetics in canon. There are also some thematic eliments of Mesopotamia as ancient Mesopotamia was destroyed almost entirely through their irrigation systems.

ofc the way the real danger of Mesopotamia was because they built their canals badly and raised the salt levels in the area as well as the water table and choked out their plants, and Xerxes died because their ''irrigation" was built by a bunch of freaks bent on giving head freak an everlasting boner. Still the connection is there and it is cool.

My point being that they most definently have a way of handling water, and the architecture to have it flow through the city, which is why it survived so long. While the well of Xerxes is well known and still in use centuries after the city fell, water wasn't wasted and often recycled and filtered for reuse.

It should be noted that slaves in Xerxes are brought up to be extremely social, co-dependent, and dependent on their fellow slaves. I could get into it more but it's the same concept as 'whipping boys' where an individual can by hurt by using someone else, except while a rl whipping boy was used so that noble children could be punished, the slaves of Xerxes experience their greatest distress when isolated from their group.

I use the term 'slave brother' a lot in relation to Xerxes but they straight up have a word that means exactly that, a slave or group of slaves thst prolonged absence of which causes psychological distress. As a whole, groups of slaves are treated better than individual slaves and children are conditioned to think that their group may as well be part of their own bodies.

(I mean that makes it really easy for them to adapt to life in Hoho because He's One Of Them And He Understands, but the downside of having a bias is that when he does get triggered he's experiencing not Just His Own Issues but since they're basically indistinguishable from his own he blames himself for it but anyway)

Anyway that means that solitary confinement is a punishment that's used liberally, it goes: scolding>lack of feeding>whipping>confinement. Because it's one of the standard punishments, there are chambers built for it. They are linked to the filtration system as one of the last stops for Xerxes' dirty water so that they don't need to be scrubbed out as often.

It means that they are damp, cold, and dark in the inside, always. They are built so that they can be water tight, giving them the added bonus of being claustrophobic and somewhat stifling. There's not a lot of room in them, maybe enough to lay down and some of them are big enough for two slaves if need be.

The rooms don't fill up all the way, but it's enough that you can't just stand up to be clear of the water, you have to be able to float on your back or otherwise position yourself to clear the waterline. The rooms flood on a schedule weather they are empty or not, and they never stay flooded long enough to drown anyone, but it can come real close.

Prolonged confinement can kill a slave's instincts to survive and at that point they're useless and get sent to the alchemists for research. This is what happened to Hoho, except when he was given to his master, he was like "oh hi" and got up and followed him. At that point Hoho was legally the property of the King's Alchemist and was kept as such.

Hoho never had enough buoyancy to float and panicked too much to swim, on the few occasions he tried, he was in chains and could not do it. He goes into panic mode when he gets wet unexpectedly, splash a cup of water on him and he might actually cry, shove him in a pool and he's going to sink to the bottom until someone fishes him out.

As himself, he is fully capable of overcoming this through time and effort, as a stone he will probably never be able deal with it.

Also: Baths are hard for him, he bathes like a bird would, and he can maintain his hygiene. As for relaxing in a tub, he'll do it as long as the water is warm and someone's with him, holding him. Ideally, he's pressed up against their chest and their arms are around him, but hand holding is also good.

He can relax enough to play in the water if his partner works with him long enough, but it takes a lot of trust between them, and if he's ever left alone in the water, he's probably not doing it again.

Sex in the water is a bad idea, bc generally speaking Hoho won't,,,, stop you,,,,, but also Hoho generally has trouble saying no and refusing sex, at most playing coy when he desperately wants to stop. It fucks him up so badly that he'll have trouble speaking for a while after it, both the language his partner can understand and his native Xerxean as well. Straight up kicking him in the nuts is a kinder way to hurt him.

I mean especially because he's most worried about connecting to people and taking away his ability to reach out to anyone is the best way to make him suffer. He probably won't even stick around long enough for you to see him again, instead choosing to leave until you die lmao.