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unoislazy · 5 months

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Jealousy Looks Good On You

Mizu x Jealous! Reader

Summary: You and Mizu have been close friends for quite some time. You truly enjoyed each others company, that was until Taigen showed up.

Disclaimers; light language, has not been proofread, I am currently delirious from packing and moving all day but I had to write this out to feed the starved mizu lovers. A fair amount may not make sense at this point in time. My apologies ❤️

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You and Mizu have been friends for a while now. Honestly you were surprised you could even say that. Mizu was not someone who would openly accept friendship applications on a daily basis, they usually wouldn’t even talk to people unless it was absolutely necessary. But somehow, despite this, you had gotten past that wall and weaseled your way into becoming her friend.

That was how you viewed it at least, you liked to think that she at least enjoyed your company seeing as she had yet to just up and leave you randomly, which she very well could successfully do if she wanted. You two had learned a lot about each other through late night talks and just general conversations. You of course, had learned about her secret, and you vowed to keep it from anyone else that would cross your path. She in turn had learned a lot about you, things about your past, your likes and dislikes, the usual things that a companion would know.

However, there was one thing she didn’t know about you and you planned to keep it that way. You had been traveling alongside Mizu since you two had crossed paths in a town that she did not intend to stay long in.

Since then you had always admired Mizu for her skills with a sword. That admiration eventually turned to something much stronger.

You would never admit it outloud but you had developed a small crush on the blue eyed woman, and in all honesty it was pretty hard to keep it under control.

Your dynamic had just been you and her for a long time and once Ringo was added to the group it only added to your enjoyment. You loved spending time with them. You honestly found it pretty adorable how Ringo persistently followed the two of you around, just as you had once done to Mizu well before him.

However, once Taigen joined… things changed.

He was never supposed to stay this long, the only reason he did was because Mizu had saved him when escaping that stupid tower. You wanted to go with her, you pleaded with her to take you with her to at least have some back up in case something went wrong but she refused. She wouldn’t give you any other reasoning than, “I need you to stay here.”

No matter how many times you asked why, she would just give you the same answer until you listened. She didn’t want you to go along with her, she wanted to do this alone. And yet when you and Ringo had found her, was she alone?

No… of course not.

He was there with her.

You didn’t recognize him at first of course, you simply thought him to be some random man Mizu thought it was in her best interest to save. In the time you knew Mizu, that didn’t happen often.

You and Ringo had managed to get them both out of the icy water and make your way to the sword fathers house, keeping them both as warm as you possibly could while in such a state.

It wasn’t until Mizu had initially woken up did you finally find out who the man was.

“You’re awake.” You exclaimed, making your way over to a very dreary Mizu who was trying to prop herself up. You smiled, feeling a sudden wave of instant relief as she looked up at you,

“Is Taigen awake.” Were the first words to come out of her mouth.

“Taigen?” You asked, the name felt familiar but you couldn’t tell from where.

“He’s not awake yet.” Ringo answered, he was still very upset with Mizu after their last meeting and that would’ve been clear to anyone just through his tone of voice.

Taigen… Taigen… where have you heard that name?

That’s when you realized, on one of your very late night talks, Mizu had opened up to you a bit about her childhood. In the tale she told, one name continued to pop out.

Taigen.

The kid who was absolutely ruthless to her. All because of the color of her eyes. You remembered just from listening to the story, the anger you felt for Mizu, but even as she was telling the story she didn’t seem quite bothered by it. You supposed she’d have had a lot of time to think about it to the point the memories no longer brought up any emotions.

You looked away from Mizu and turned to the man who was resting quite peacefully not too far away from her. Your astonished gaze turned to a very clearly displeased glare. Never in your life would you think that you wouldn't end up coming across this man, not once, but twice. You had seen the man before, he had shown up a few other times before this, the only reason you hadn’t reacted as harshly was because you didn’t know who he was. You guessed you hadn’t recognized him this time due to the amount of bruising he sustained from his stay at the tower.

Deserved, in your opinion.

Once Mizu had woken up, she of course got right to work just as she usually did. She had no idea what the words ‘take a break’ meant. You helped her out with most of the tasks she tried to perform, but there was one she was insistent on doing alone, again.

So you sat back, preparing whatever medicine Ringo had asked for you to make as he followed around the sword father like there was no tomorrow. You sat in silence, Taigen sleeping not too far away from you, the fire still blaring keeping you both warm.

Why him of all people. Why did he have to be the one she brought back?

There was nothing you could do about him now except for hope that when he wakes up he just gets up and goes on his way.

You rolled your eyes, even thinking about the man made you mad, so you went back to your mundane task. That was until you heard the sound of what you realized to be Taigen stirring as he finally woke up.

“Great, you're awake.” You said sarcastically as you turned towards the man who had rolled over, making sure to make several groaning noises in the process. Sure he was in severe pain but literally everything he did, logical or not, annoyed you.

He didn’t even truly process who you were or why you were there, the first thing he asked was,

“Where’s Mizu?”

Seriously? Why did these two suddenly care about each other so much?

You tried your best to remain as neutral as possible as you very lowly answered, “Outside.”

You didn’t want to tell him, you didn’t even want to speak to him in the first place and You sure as hell didn’t want to leave him alone with Mizu. How could anyone trust him? Sure people change, and most of what he did to Mizu was from when they were kids… but your concern still stands. Who knows, maybe he’s still an asshole.

But in the end, it wasn’t your choice on whether he and Mizu got closer. You would protest it, and you‘d protest it hard but when it comes to it, if Mizu for some reason completely unknown to you decided he was good enough to keep around you’d have to be okay with it.

Some time had passed since they had both woken up. Mizu had gone out to try and remake her sword and Taigen had gone off to… well you didn’t really know nor did you care. You had been sitting outside on the snow covered ground, looking up at the night sky, trying to just clear your mind.

You didn’t like feeling so angry all the time, especially over someone who you personally had no reason to truly be angry at. You felt guilty, it wasn’t your place to make such decisions on who was good for Mizu and who wasn’t but you couldn't help it. It felt almost as if it was some kind of instinct, but you couldn’t really place what it was or why you felt it. All you knew was that you hadn’t felt like this before, and it frightened you. You didn’t want to be so pushy or mean to the two just because you didn’t enjoy one person's presence.

You sighed as you continued to stare up at the sky.

“What is wrong with me?” You whispered quietly to yourself.

While you were having your moment of self reflection, you noticed Taigen who had made his way back from the village carrying food. The guilt you felt seemed to double as you looked at him, so you simply looked the other way.

He walked inside the house not even sparing you a glance, he probably didn’t even know you were there. You were sitting in almost complete darkness, the only light being the glow from the fire inside and the moonlight. You enjoyed the isolating feeling it gave, it felt as if time had stopped as you stared at the bright moon above. You were completely lost in thought, zoning out as you stared at the moon. The only thing to snap you out of it was the sound of a large thud, as if something had hit the ground.

You panicked thinking that Taigen had attacked, just as you thought he would. You rushed over to the door of the house but you stopped once you noticed the position the two of them were in. They were so close to each other, and it didn’t seem like they were actually fighting with each other. You hid behind the door frame, not wanting your presence to be known as you thought about what you had just seen.

Does she actually like him? Why are they so close to each other? Is this seriously happening?

All these questions ran through your head as you backed away from the door. So badly did you want to ‘accidentally’ stumble inside and ruin the moment but then you knew you’d feel even more guilty about it. You just tried to let it go and move on with your night.

You tried.

The next day you had become incredibly standoffish. Mainly towards Mizu and Taigen which made it especially noticeable. Anytime Mizu had asked anything of you, you wouldn’t respond like normal, in fact this time you barely responded at all. Usually you seemed so happy to do anything within her company, but now it was as if you were looking right past her.

When Taigen would even attempt to talk to you, you wouldn’t even make a move to acknowledge his existence.

It was extremely petty and you knew that, but you seriously had no other way to deal with your emotions. You were trying your hardest to keep your thoughts down and just be happy for the two that you thought had some kind of chemistry but you weren’t getting far.

Later that night, you walked into the same room as Mizu. she had been sitting down drinking something from her cup, and staring off into the distance deep in thought. Once you had noticed her, you didnt give your normal greeting, you just sat down across from her and paid her no mind.

“What is your problem?” She finally asked. You simply looked at her, your face was as empty of emotion as you could make it.

“What do you mean? I don’t have a problem.” You lied, trying to not get ahead of yourself. You had so many things that were just so eager to get out, but you didn’t want to share them. You wanted to keep quiet and never mention a single one. If you never mention your problems you don’t have to feel guilty about them, right?

Mizu stared at you, astonished by your persistence with this new attitude.

“Why won't you acknowledge me?” She asked. You averted your gaze by the slightest bit, the guilty feeling coming back.

“I’m acknowledging you right now.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I don't understand your problem here, I’m the exact same.” You lied. You were trying so hard to keep everything under control.

“No you’re not. We both know that.”

“Since when were you an expert on personalities?”

Just because you were trying hard to keep your cool, doesn’t mean you were doing good at it.

“Since I’ve known you for almost a year.”

“You don’t know everything, you know.”

“Why are you acting like this?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask Taigen, you seem to go to him for everything anyways.” You didn’t mean to let that slip. If you could take back the words you had just said, you would’ve in an instant. You knew once you had brought up Taigen you wouldn’t be able to stop.

“What is wrong with you?” She asked, confused by your attitude towards every single thing she said. You would never act like this normally, so why now? It almost frightened her, it reminded her a bit of how the people in her past would turn on her so suddenly based on some trait about her, so she assumed the worst.

“There’s nothing wrong with me, Taigen is the problem!” You shouted, now standing up to make your point clear, which took Mizu by surprise. You had never truly gotten so angry before and especially not at her.

“What did he do? Did he do something to you?” She asked, a whole new level of possibilities jumped forward in her mind. She had let her guard down around Taigen, what if he had made a move on you and she didn’t know.

“Are you kidding? I’m not worried about me, I'm worried about you! I mean, what hasn’t he done to you. You’re telling me he was an asshole to you for the entire duration of your childhood that you spent together, and then he suddenly comes waltzing back in claiming he wants to kill you? And then you forgive him? You saved his life sure but now he wants to act all buddy buddy with you? Are you serious? You’re setting yourself up for failure here.” As you went on your ramble, Mizu had begun to relax as she realized the situation. Her eyes followed you as you paced back and forth in front of her, an amused expression creeping its way onto her face.

“Hey.” Mizu began but you could barely hear her over the sound of your own voice.

“You could’ve picked anyone else to start getting close with and I would’ve been fine with it. I mean I don’t control who you can and cannot be close with, but him? Seriously?” You continued.

“Hey.” Mizu repeated, once again trying to get your attention to no avail.

“I mean, you could do so much better. The guy who bullied you for years on end? Oh please, even I would be a better candidate than him, not that I’m saying I should be, but I could be-”

“Stop talking.” Mizu had raised her voice just enough for you to finally hear her and take the hint. You immediately stopped yourself and looked at her with a shocked expression. You had gotten so lost in your thoughts you almost forgot you were ranting to her in the first place. You watched as Mizu’s stern expression shifted to one of a more… smug nature as she stared at you, her eyes looking at you from just above the rim of her glasses so you could see the color in its entirety.

“Are you… jealous?” Mizu asked, an amused smile very evident on her face as she slightly turned to you. Your head shot towards her direction as you opened your mouth to protest but nothing came out.

She was right, you were jealous. Really jealous. You had gotten so lost in your hatred towards Taigen you had forgotten to take a step back and realize how stupid your actions looked.

“I just… don’t think he’s right for you.” You muttered, crossing your arms in defiance as you averted your gaze. You weren’t looking at her but you could tell the woman was just staring at you with a very plain look, a look that probably said something along the lines of ‘are you serious?’

“Not right for me?” She asked, placing her dish down on the ground before looking back up at you. Once she had looked back towards you she had realized you still weren't looking at her, and that wasn’t going to do.

“Look at me.” She demanded. Her tone was not harsh but she was quite stern about it. You did as she said without another question, turning your head to look at her even though you wanted to do anything else but that at the moment.

“What do you mean he’s not right for me?” She asked again, wanting a serious answer out of you.

“I saw the two of you… last night. When you were sparring. I saw how you looked at him and I just. I don’t think he’s a good choice for you.” You admitted. You felt so stupid, couldn’t you have just kept your mouth shut and moved on like an adult. Why did you have to be so petty about someone who didn’t even reciprocate your feelings? You were friends, why would you become anything more than that?

She didn’t say anything in response, she simply stared at you as she usually did, but this time her staring made you feel so small. You already felt guilty about feeling this way and now that you had actually said it out loud to Mizu’s face and all she was doing was staring, it made the feeling unbearable. You wanted to cry, but you wouldn't dare to, not now. To risk looking even more childish than you do already? You’d rather die.

“Then who do you think would be a better choice?” She inquired, earning nothing more than a shrug from you. You had said what you needed and you feared if you said anything more you would dig yourself into a deeper hole. “Come on, you don’t have anyone in mind?”

She was teasing you.

She wasn’t mad?

Why was she playing into this, why wasn’t she upset with you placing your own opinions on her feelings.

“I don’t know… literally anyone else?” You responded quietly, not really wanting to answer the question.

“What, like you?” She retorted with a playful scoff.

“I didn’t say that.” You denied, quite defensively one might add.

“Yes you did.” She corrected.

“You heard me wrong.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“I heard you wrong.” She repeated, confirming the fact that you were actually trying to play that card.

You nodded.

“So you didn’t say, ‘even I would be a better candidate than him’.”

Well, she got you there, Those were in fact the words you said. You were in too deep to go back now so you committed to your sense of denial full force.

“Where are you getting these words from?” You tried to play dumb, obviously it wasn’t going to work.

“Don’t try to lie to me, I heard you say them.”

“I wasn’t saying that I would be the only candidate, I was just using myself as an example. I’m not saying that you’d have to pick me over him I’m just saying that in the grand scheme of things I just-” You had begun to ramble yet again. You couldn't stop yourself, you felt like everything you wanted to say needed a further explanation to make it not sound as bad as it did. Luckily, this rant was cut very short.

“Hey.” Mizu said, very quickly getting you to shut up unlike the last few times. This time however, she was much closer than she was before. Much, much, closer. You hadn’t noticed that throughout the entire duration of your little banter match, she had slowly made her way towards you and you had absentmindedly been backing away from her. Well, that was until you couldn’t back up any more. Now she was standing no more than a few mere inches away from you, her hands had managed to slither their way onto your waist, holding you in place.

“What…” You whispered. You didn’t know what else to do with yourself, you felt as if you could melt into a puddle right then and there as you stared into her eyes. Her eyes however, had not stayed focused on yours, and instead began to travel around to other areas of your face. You had never really seen this side of her. There would be no reason to really, unless she truly felt the same way.

There wouldn’t be any logic behind Mizu just messing with you to mess with you, she only ever really put up fronts for people she needed information from, and the only information you had was how much you wanted her in that exact moment. You would never say that outloud though.

“Stop talking.” She whispered back, her eyes almost entirely focused on your lips as she very slowly neared you. You couldn’t hold yourself back, moving yourself forward and making the move to seal the kiss yourself.

Words wouldn’t be able to accurately describe how you felt in that moment. Neither of you truly expected it, but the kiss had become a lot more heated way faster than you truly expected. Turns out you both had buried feelings that were going to be known one way or another. Your hands had made their way to Mizu’s hair and her hands had begun to travel away from your waist. Once you had eventually parted from the kiss, you both looked almost surprised that any of that truly happened.

Mizu laughed a bit to herself as she looked at you.

“You know, Jealousy looks good on you.” she said before you rolled your eyes,

“Stop talking.” Was all you said before continuing where you left off.

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nachosncheeze · 10 months

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Blindspot Finale

Been meaning to post something like this for a while. Never got round to it. Now seems a good time.

BIG SPOILERS AHEAD. Like I will completely and utterly ruin the episode.

Disclaimers: Very Long Post. It's an opinion piece. This is all me; I have no issue with those who differ. 😊

~~~~~

Blindspot 5x11. It’s rough. I was heartbroken; literally felt like I’d been dumped, and it took me a while. The initial shock of the mere suggestion short-circuited my brain. But over time, and some re-watching, plus thinking about earlier parts of the show more carefully during our weekly re-watch, I came to one (for me) inescapable conclusion:

Whether you view the show as a series of parallels or as a palindrome, “Jane Doe, FBI” died in that square. Jane Doe, the grown woman who was once a child named Alice Kruger, did not.

On the parallels side: Every single season of this show started with Jane in some way lost and adrift without an identity, and part of the journey of every season was for her to find herself again. In season one this is obvious. Season two, she comes back a battered outcast and discovers her past, and has to learn to live with everything that entails. Season three, she comes back having “discovered parts of herself she didn’t realize she was missing,” and has to learn how to integrate who she now knows she is as an independent individual – a separate (and honestly rather chaotic) entity from the husband and family who initially made post-ZIP Jane Doe – with that inter-dependent life she had chosen for herself in seasons 1/2. At this midpoint, the tangram has effectively reopened, and she’s finding where she fits anew. Season four it’s obvious once again – she’s Remi, stuck in Jane's life. Season five, I would argue, is where she finds herself truly split between her past and her future. Here Jane Doe, FBI, the moral and law-abiding, law-enforcing citizen, watches her team blown up by a drone sent by a corrupt government - exactly the situation that made Remi *Remi*. And she’s now forced to call on all the skills and their accompanying memories of her terrorist past – the life she had relatively recently chosen to leave behind – to do the right thing and save the people she loves. Kurt says as much right at the start of the season when he asks her to take the lead – he acknowledges that once again she’s trying to “bring down the corrupt FBI” – and this is when she has to really learn to be both at the same time, and somehow find peace with that. You can see her struggle and thrash between “this is what I know to be necessary” and “this is what I’ve held to be right” throughout the season, but especially in 5x06 and 5x07. (To me she finally resolves this conflict the moment she tells Shepherd she doesn’t care in the midst of her 5x11 “ends and means” hallucination.)

You may get the sense this is the reading I lean towards xD To me, it stands to reason that we can interpret the “death” at the end of 5x11 as a symbolic reset on her identity like she had at the end of every other season, and a literal near-miss, not unlike what she suffered at Keaton’s hands in 2x01 and at Madeline’s hands in 4x22.

On the palindrome side: Death might seem a fitting narrative end to the character, because it’s practically impossible (for me at least) to imagine how this woman could possibly claw her way back to happiness after all of this. But was she happy when we first met her? And who was Jane Doe, before she was Jane Doe? She was somebody before she was “born” from that bag. If the series is a palindrome, we could frame it that Remi “died” and was placed in a bag, only to be reborn from the same bag as someone else. I submit that this woman, on the whole, is only as dead as Remi was when she went into the duffel.

Imo there’s a lot of support right there in the episode for either of these readings. Right from the opening credits, they tell us visually that however you read it we’re going back to the beginning: the number 100 is flipped to 001. The episode is loaded with visual, dialogue, and thematic parallels, especially to 1x01. (I don’t believe it’s an accident that the parallel in the interrogation room to 1x01, 2x01, 3x01, and Jane’s dream in 4x09 is placed after the scene in Times Square. Although they don’t reveal the body bag until later, each of those callbacks represent moments when Jane had to start her life anew, with Weller finding her and effectively saying, “I know you’re lost. We’ll do this together.”) A major theme throughout the episode is Jane’s fear of what’s next. As the mission begins, they’re told in no uncertain terms that whatever the outcome, not only are they out of the FBI, but they will never again be allowed to work for any branch of the US government. That’s every version of law enforcement. That’s every branch of the military. That’s every legal outlet for not only everything this adult woman knows how to do, it’s the end of every life she has ever known. Alice Kruger was at most 12 or 13 years old when her parents were murdered. Whether she’s Jane Doe or Remi Briggs or some amalgamation of the two, this is a woman who literally does not know how to be a grown-up civilian. She must be terrified! The end of “Jane Doe, FBI” can only give way to her most difficult rebirth since that night when a stranger walked her past her mum and dad, lying in pools of their own blood. And as we know, that’s saying something.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve – or, in my opinion, get – the chance to try.

A few other notes: Martin Gero himself said that dead or alive, both readings are correct. So take it as you will. Applying the bias of my own read on things, I think he was being cheeky – not “whether you think she’s dead or whether you think she’s alive, you’re right,” but literally, “whatever you think you are right, because she is both dead and alive.” It needn't be a binary. Like so many things, from the show's title on down, it's two things at once.

The last shot: One of the things that most gave me pause and did/continues to make me sad is that last visual of Jane. She says, “Yeah, I’m good,” but she sure doesn’t look convinced. Initially, my brain took that as, “Oh my god, she’s dead, it’s like ‘Keaton’ said, this is just her brain trying to give her a happy ending; she’s ‘good’ that she finished the job, but she’s realized that this is all a hallucination.” Now? Well, I’m still sad about it, because although I firmly believe she’s physically alive and that the dinner is real, I see a woman who's lost in this domestic “bliss”. Everyone was worried for Weller losing the job he loves, but he told us all the way back in 1x21 that he had another dream: big backyard, lots of little kids; he just thought it was out of his reach because it wasn't compatible with his job. He lost the job, but he's got his happy ending: that Colorado house, that Thanksgiving table, are in every sense Weller's dream, right down to the shade of paint on the walls (all non-toxic; he likes the yellow). Jane is still mourning for the person she had become, the person she wanted to be. She’s alive, but she’s only about as happy as she was in 1x01, because she doesn’t know who she is or where she fits. Geez, talk about bittersweet.

The episode title: Iunne(n) was a verb in Middle English, meaning “to grant” or “to bestow”. (Written English was not standardized back then to the extent it is now, and the third ‘n’ was sometimes dropped, hence my parentheses.) This is not the first episode title to be a palindrome (see second half of season 2), but if Iunne is NOT meant to be that obsolete verb, it’s the first title that has included a complete gibberish nonsense combo of letters. If it was intentional, then the title of the episode loosely translates as, “To bestow ennui [a sense of listlessness, boredom, dissatisfaction with the state of things, etc.]” This would be a classic Blindspot double-meaning: Jane experiences ennui in her new, quiet life; and what the hell are you viewers gonna do with your Thursday nights now?! Thanks a lot, writers’ room. -_- Cheeky bastards strike again.

One last from Martin Gero: There was an interview somewhere where he said that whichever interpretation people subscribe to, the writers wanted to leave the viewer with a sense that the story of the FBI era of the team’s lives was closed, leaving room for new chapters. Some others on here (apologies as I can’t remember who off the top of my head) pointed out back in 2020 when this was fresh, that if we interpret Jane as being literally, physically, irrevocably dead, then the dinner scene really is a hallucination – meaning we were never really given an end to any of the rest of the team’s stories. Unless you want to believe that Rich and Patterson ended in a hallway toasting over Reade and Mayfair, and Tasha and Weller ended, crying and screaming in disbelief respectively, over a corpse. (Or alternately, if she died in 5x10 and the entirety of 5x11 is a hallucination, the rest of the team’s endings would be where we left them in that episode.) I personally don’t think even this writer’s room could be quite that cruel. :P To the viewers, or to their own creations. (fwiw, MG also noted in the same interview that he would watch spinoffs of Rich and Patterson, or even a family drama starring Kurt and Jane.)

There are of course various hints that support the Irrevocably Dead interpretation, too – Boston having all of his fingers comes to mind – and despite my complete aversion to accepting that outcome (ngl, taking that on board would be bad for my mental health lol), I’m happy enough with my interpretation to also be happy to chat with anyone about the alternatives and the supporting evidence that most days I choose to willfully ignore. \😁/

At the risk of self-plugging, I’m about 24k words deep in a canon-compliant 5x11 WIP that fills in some blanks and brings the parallel/palindromic “Still Alive” scenario to a stronger conclusion. I’ve called it The Antidote both because in it, she does get the antidote “just in time” and it works, and also because it’s proven to be the antidote to my own conflicted feelings about the way the show ended. I’m hoping to have that done and posted [ideally long] before we get there in re-watch, but if anyone wants to chat on that or hear about some of the ways my head has canoned its way out of tragedy hit me up. 😊 I’ve also written several little epilogues set in the first 18 months or so post-series around Jane starting to claw her way back from that ennui and figure out how to find contentment outside a constant state of war. Haven’t printed them yet because I think without the other they don’t make much sense XD but I’m happy to chat about the general arc I see for that, too, if anyone wants to hear about it, and of course I like hearing what others have in mind after the series!

There's a few really good finale/post-finale fics out there already, especially on ffn, and they're always fun. (Except for that one. That very short one. I'm not calling you by name but you know who you are. And I know you hate it too so I forgive 😘😘😘)

There's a ton of really well thought out posts, links to interviews from July/August 2020 and beyond too but I'm afraid I don't have the list to hand; I was meaning to re-compile it eventually anyway (I did bookmark several for my fic research/inspo) so if there's interest I'll try to get on that and add it.

Lastly, shout out to @guadalajara92 for her infamous make-it-better alternative ending edit which really, truly was a comfort for washing that shit right out of my hair in those first post-5x11 hours:

youtube

and her now-legendary fan-trailer for "Newton", the spin off into a series of primetime adventures that we really, sadly never got to see (double shout out for cleverly making it compatible with either interpretation* xD):

youtube

*but with a cheeky lil blink and you miss it elevator shot that however you wanna take it, also made me feel better 🙊

#blindspot #blindspot 5x11 #blindspot finale #blindspot s5 spoilers #blindspot thoughts #entirely my own opinion #(though with a few receipts)

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pokelec · 3 years

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A Dead By Daylight Novice Reviews All the Killers' Trailers (and makes suggestions for what they'd change)

Reveal trailers are paramount for an audience's first look at new characters. First impressions are everything, so your trailer for your shiny new character needs to be perfect for what's in store for the video game! I started playing DBD a month-ish ago but watched all the trailers for the killers before I started playing, and watching some of them got me to thinking about how I would have changes some of the trailers. Some require no changes, while others I think need an overhaul.

Disclaimer: This is in my personal opinion, is not objective at all, and I'm only doing this because this is something I've been thinking about for a month and need some sort of release or else my brain will implode.

Under a read more bc this gets long.

The Trapper - The first trailer! For a first trailer, I think this one is pretty spot on. It follows a lot of beats of slasher movies, in terms of following a survivor that's gonna be killed, her encountering dead bodies, and the suspense of the killer looking for her. Considering Dead by Daylight is effectively a playable horror movie, I think this is a perfect intro to the game. As for what this means for the Trapper, aka our Jason substitute, I think it showed him off alright! We saw his bear traps and got a good look at him doing this thing. Pretty good, all things considered!

The Wraith - The Wraith, Hillbilly, and Nurse all features gameplay as the means of showing off what the killers can do. The Wraith's isn't too bad, since it does show off his Wailing Bell power enough for people to understand "This is a killer that can turn invisible, and you may not know he's right next to you until it's too late". I wish it has a more cinematic style, but I'll be forgiving here because DBD was still young when this was made. I also thing it showed the new map, Autohaven, pretty well. I'm not too big of a fan of ending the trailer with his mori, but that could be because I don't find his mori exciting.

The Hillbilly - Next is our Leatherface expy! This one feels shorter, still using gameplay to introduce our new killer but at least shows off his chainsaw wielding and hints at the map associated with him. I like the shot of him revving his chainsaw underneath the tree with the animal carcasses! I don't mind the ending with his mori here because even if it's off screen, getting cut with a chainsaw is brutal enough to leave a lasting impression. Again, I wish it had the cinematic style, but it's fine.

The Nurse - I think the Nurse's trailer is the weakest of the three gameplay-focused trailers. The text intro is... fine, but I honestly think it fits the Doctor more. It does an okay job of showing us her Blinking mechanics, but it also doesn't? Like we see her teleporting to Nea, but it feels lackluster. I do like the ending shot of dead Nea as the Nurse just blinks away. I'm not quite sure how to change this trailer to be more effective in my opinion, if I'm being honest.

The Shape/Michael Myers - Our first franchise killer, and a perfect trailer. The first second in, we hear John Carpenter's legendary Halloween score. Even non-horror fans will quickly pick up which killer this is. The suspense of Laurie see Michael, Michael coming up the stairs, and especially the shot of Laurie and Michael being on opposite sides of a door is *chef's kiss*. We see enough of the Shape to be satisfied and eager for his release. It's the perfect trailer for him AND Laurie imo.

The Huntress - Ah, the Huntress. She is my favorite killer to play as, and I probably have the majority of my playtime on her. Unfortunately, I think her trailer leaves a lot to be desired. It's the start of the 'let's look at the killer from different angles, have them turn around to the camera, and then attack the viewer' trend of DBD trailers. I call for a complete rewrite! Here's what I would have done:

The map is Mother's Dwelling. Two survivors (David aaaand idk Dwight?) are running and hides behind some trees. We hear the Huntress's lullaby get louder, and we see the bottom half of her and her axe as she walks past the survivors. The lullaby gets quieter, and the survivors take a sigh of relief. Then, a hatchet is thrown and lodged into Dwight's head! David screams and runs. We then see our full look at the Huntress as she picks up the body. Her signature lullaby continues as the trailer ends.

The Hag - The Hag's trailer also follows a similar formula to the Huntress' trailer. There is an animation bump, so we get to see the Hag's emaciated appearance in full detail. I'm not too mad about that, since the Hag's appearance is unsettling enough to cause viewer distress and curiosity more than the Huntress' would. However, because this is a DBD original killer, we need to see what her deal is with her trailer. Thus, I propose this:

On the swamp, Ace is repairing a generator but hears another survivor (Dwight?) get hooked. Ace goes to rescue him, but we see as he steps on a rune in front of the poor survivor. The illusion of the Hag pops up, jumpscaring poor Ace (and the audience) but disappears. Ace then rescues Dwight for real, but Dwight quickly runs away. Why? Because the real Hag is behind Ace and lunges at him, biting his neck. Trailer ends.

The Doctor - I now realize that my taste in writing DBD trailers is 'have the survivor do a thing, they think the killer is near, they then relax, and only then are they attacked by the killer'. It's a bit stereotypical, but again, we're dealing with a game centered on the horror genre, so that's why I'm okay with it.

I mention this because that's effectively the story beats the the Doctor's trailer follows. Instead of attacking Feng, however, the Doctor just looks at her run and stares menacingly. Even though we don't see the Doctor's shock therapy powers here, I think the long look at the killer is still effective because of his design. A first reaction I (and other reactors) experienced went from the initial "OMG the killer is here, run girl!" to "Why tf are his own eyes and mouth held open like that A Clockwork Orange scene?!". We also don't linger for too long on him either, so I think this trailer works well enough.

The Cannibal/Leatherface - Another franchise killer, this time good ol Leatherface! This trailer is a little different, using text to draw up suspense. I do like the reveal of "What is his mask made of? YOU.", but I would've loved to have seen some actual Cannibal action, or at least his in-game model doing his Texas chainsaw massacring thing.

The Nightmare/Freddy Kruger - Oh, c'mon, we got one of the most well known characters in horror in this little video game, and all we get for his trailer is some scratch marks and a 'killer does nothing but stand there menacingly and attack the camera' trailer?! I do like the detail that when we see him, it's DBD's version of the dream world, but we could've at least featured a survivor falling asleep and then seeing him for themselves.

(Also kinda sad it's the reboot version of Freddy instead of the Wes Craven version and the survivor is Quentin instead of Nancy Freaking Thompson, but I guess we should be happy he's in the game at all)

The Pig - Largely, I think this trailer is pretty good. I'm not too big of a fan of Amanda just standing there menacingly near Dwight, but I do like everything else. I especially love the security camera shot of the famous Saw bathroom and the cutaway when Dwight's reverse bear trap activates (but we still see a good bit of gore!). It feels very Saw-like.

The Clown - This trailer is pretty good! Even though we don't see the Clown in much action, we get a lot of visual storytelling with the bottles, the circus, and the ring of fingers, all leading up to the reveal of his face. The diagetic music from Kate is a nice touch, too.

The Spirit - This one is alright. There is a lot of focus on Adam, but it does build up tension to when the Spirit reveals herself. My biggest problem with it is the ending card that is used for her. Yes, I know that's traditional for the end of these trailers, but her pose and expression is kinda meh after the face she makes when she's about to attack Adam. Seriously, that couple of seconds haunts me (sorry) otherwise.

The Legion - My other favorite killer to play! It's so funny how I didn't like Legion when I first heard of them but now they're my favorites. I love how the trailer emphasizes that the new killer(s) looks similar to survivors and the brutality of when Frank reveals himself and stabs Jeff. However, the trailer does a disservice to the other members of the Legion. C'mon, that's their whole shtick!

My recommendation would be to end with a shot of Julie, Joey, and Suzie joining Frank (and obviously getting a good look at them) and surrounding Jeff right before they all stab him. This is a little disingenuous since you can't play as all four of them at once (unless you count that one Blighted skin...), but you also can't disguise yourself as a survivor, so... Yeah. They are The Legion! They act as one! Treat them as such in their trailer, dammit!

The Plague - The Plague's trailer is interesting. Even though we don't see her in action, I think it's fine because seeing her puke on people during her trailer might be a bit off-putting. Just a bit. We still get some storytelling with her whispered prayers, the candles and incense thingy, and, of course, her face. I think because the Plague's design is inherently unique among all the killers so far, she can get away with the 'let's just tease the audience by looking at the killer and nothing else' trend.

The Ghost Face - Not too much I can complain about with this one. I do like the wtf factor of 'wait, why is a DBD trailer at a modern day warehouse???', especially if you're watching a trailer playlist like I first did. It all makes sense when you learn it's Ghost Face, though! Also, justice for that poor cashier.

The Demogorgon - RIP Stranger Things DLC. I don't watch this series, but I really like the Hawkins Lab map and I'm going to be sad when it's gone. :(

I love this trailer! When I hear the Stranger Things music, it actually gives me chills. I'm legitimately so sad the DLC will be gone from the stores, but I do own them myself. I need to actually sit down and play Demo, Steve, and Nancy one of these days. Why am I crying? No, I'm not kidding, why is this trailer making me cry? Renew the contract, Netflix, please! I don't want this stuff to disappear forever!

(Is it weird that I've been nagged on for years to watch Stranger Things but it's Dead By Daylight that's actually convincing me to watch it?)

The Oni - This is an interesting case. The "main" theme of this trailer is the contrast of modern day Japan's Yui and her motorcycle vs the literal ancient samurai Oni. I think it works out, and again, I think the presentation makes up for us not seeing too much of the new killer.

The Deathslinger - Oh boy, do I love my cowboys! This trailer is nearly perfect. We establish the western setting quickly over the sounds of some poor bastard in pain. The reeling in of the chains and the closeup of The Redeemer is so great. My biggest complaint with this trailer is that we linger a bit too long on the Deathslinger's face at the end. Yeah, he's creepy with his eyes and his disjointed jaw, but you can only look at a horror for so long before you want to move on.

The Executioner/Pyramid Head - I like this trailer! I haven't played Silent Hills, but I'm at least somewhat familiar with the premise and Pyramid Head. I love the shot of him passing the classroom door window and the sword cutting a rift through the ground. Yeah, my lack of SH knowledge makes me unable to recommend any changes here.

The Blight - I have no changes to suggest. The Blight's transformation is super horrific, reminding me of the typical depiction of Jekyll and Hyde. Honestly, he is so much more terrifying in his trailer and in lore than in gameplay.

The Twins - No changes needed. BHVR is really starting to hit their stride with these trailers! Seeing Victor come out of Charlotte's body is amazing.

The Trickster - We depart from all of the other trailers by using an K-POP music video style. It does a good job at referencing some of his story beats (namely torturing/killing people, recording their screams, and using them in his music), but it doesn't really make me afraid of the Trickster. Sure, it fits with his theme, but I would have preferred seeing more of him, y'know, instead of just looking pretty and making faces? I still wouldn't change the art style of the trailer, though. It's fitting enough for him and a breath of fresh air from the doom and gloom.

The Nemesis - No change needed, mostly because I'm not too familiar with the Resident Evil series, but seeing Jill, the twink Leon, and Nemesis on-screen is a very cool moment. Also can we get an F in chat for Meg?

The Cenobite/Pinhead - This is a perfect trailer. We got the Lament Configuration, we got the chains pinning up Dwight, we got Pinhead himself! What more can I ask for?

If you actually made it this far, thank for reading? I don't think I really contribute anything to the fandom with this analysis, but DBD has been living rent free in my brain for the past month, so I may as well write something, eh?

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swan-of-sunrise · 3 years

Text

Specs and the Flyboy (Chapter Eight)

Summary: Jack berates himself for the awful way he’s treated his partner, and he decides to try and turn over a new leaf with her.

Pairing: Jack Thompson X Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: Thank you all so much for reading! I hope that you enjoy!

Chapter Eight Stark Mansion, Los Angeles (Previous Chapter)

The skies surrounding Howard Stark’s mansion were beginning to lighten when Jack finally returned from his walk, his bloodstained hands shoved deep into his pockets and his hair beyond rumpled from angrily running his fingers through it. He’d spent the better part of the night berating himself, both for knowingly sending (Y/N) into the orangery without backup and for the hurtful words he’d said to her all those weeks ago, and he’d be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t also worried out of his mind for the injured and unconscious codebreaker inside the mansion.

He’d driven them directly to Stark’s mansion at breakneck speed, where the Jarvises had helped him carry (Y/N)’s limp form into one of the spare bedrooms and he watched as the butler stitched the large cut on her thigh closed; Ana had attempted to coax Jack into sitting so she could wrap his sprained ankle but he refused, opting to stand beside the bed and watch her husband work. His jaw would tightly clench each time the codebreaker flinched or whimpered in her sleep and he didn’t relax until Jarvis finished securing the bandage around her leg. With her wound properly treated, (Y/N)’s forehead smoothed out and she seemed to fall into a more peaceful slumber.

“Miss (Y/L/N) will be fine after a good night’s sleep.” Jarvis stood and wiped his bloody hands on a towel, an unusually firm look on his face as he removed his reading glasses. “Now, Chief Thompson, I believe an explanation is in order.”

Against his better judgement, Jack told the Jarvises everything about their secret case, from the file and their chilling discovery pertaining to Michael Carter to their spontaneous investigation into the orangery; to their credit, they promised not to breathe a word of it to Peggy or the SSR, but Jack could see that his story had disturbed them. It was then he decided to go for a walk around the vast estate to clear his head and get away from their prying eyes.

“And how’d that work out for you, you jackass?” He muttered under his breath as he walked. Rounding the corner of Stark’s pool house, Jack’s eyes immediately fell on the familiar emerald-green car parked in the driveway and a fresh wave of guilt washed over him. He should’ve waited for another night to infiltrate the orangery, but he was so wrapped-up in the case that he’d ignored (Y/N)’s initial reservations. But what bothered him more was that she believed he didn’t care at all about her well-being or their partnership. Looking back on their past interactions, though, it was painfully easy to see why she’d believe that.

“I see you’ve returned from your walk, Chief Thompson!” Ana looked up from her book with a smile as Jack limped into the kitchen, the pain in his ankle having become more prominent than ever. “Are you feeling better?”

Jack ignored her question. “Is Agent (Y/L/N) awake yet?”

“No, not yet; Edwin is sitting with her now.” Ana stood and gestured to the vacant chair across from her. “Sit, and I’ll wrap your ankle for you.”

Jack opened his mouth to refuse but the stern glint in her eye told him not to argue with the petite woman. He sat, but when she gathered the supplies and prepared to kneel, he held up a hand to stop her. “It’s okay, I’ll do it myself.” Ana raised a skeptical eyebrow but allowed him to take the supplies from her, sitting across from him at the table as he went about wrapping his ankle. “I learned how to do it in the Navy; most of the guys sprained their ankles running to their battle stations, so the medics taught us how to treat ‘em ourselves.”

“Very wise of them. Working for Mr. Stark one must be prepared for anything, so I took several nursing classes; just last year, I treated the ankle Mr. Stark sprained sneaking out of Barbara Stanwyck’s home and the wrist Edwin sprained attempting to recapture Bernard Stark.” Jack frowned in confusion. “He’s a pink flamingo.”

“Ah.”

Ana’s brow furrowed as her eyes focused on his neck. “You’re bleeding! Do you need a bandage for that?”

Jack’s hand shot up to where she was looking but all he felt was smooth skin; it was when he brought his hand back down and examined his stained fingers that he realized it was red lipstick on his neck, not blood. The memory of (Y/N) standing on her tiptoes and planting a kiss on his neck before flashing him a teasing grin filled his mind and the guilt he was feeling only intensified. “No, it’s fine, it’s just…it’s fine. Thank you.”

They fell into an uncomfortable silence, Ana reading her book as Jack finished wrapping his ankle as quickly as he could. Once he finished, he put his sock and shoe back on and went to the sink to finally scrub the dried blood off of his hands. As he watched the pink-tinted water wash down the drain, he found himself blurting out, “Have you ever, um…you ever say something stupid to someone before? Like, really stupid?”

“Me? Oh, of course!” He turned, wiping his hands on a dishtowel; Ana had set down her book and was tracing the lettering with her fingers. “We are all flawed creatures, so it is only natural that we say things to others without fully thinking of the ramifications of our words.”

Nodding, Jack pressed his lips together and hesitated a moment before continuing. “And how have you…well, taken those words back?”

Ana smiled patiently up at him. “Once words are spoken, Chief Thompson, there’s no taking them back. But a heartfelt apology can always help to lessen the pain that they have caused.”

Based on the look she was giving him, Jack had a sneaking suspicion Ana knew exactly what he was talking about. Thankfully, though, whatever she was about to say was interrupted by Jarvis entering the kitchen with a wide grin on his face. “Miss (Y/L/N) is awake and appears to be in good health. She’s asked to speak with you, actually.”

“Thanks, Jarvis.” Jack clapped the butler on the shoulder before hurrying his way down the hallway to the guest room, pausing only a moment to run a nervous hand through his hair before knocking on the door.

“Come in.” He opened the door and was met with the sight of (Y/N) sitting upright in bed, relaxing against a mound of pillows and pressing an ice pack against her slightly-swollen cheek; the corner of her mouth twitched when their gazes met, but her (Y/E/C) eyes were caged and watchful as he moved to sit in the chair at her bedside. “Jarvis just gave me a clean bill of health and said my stitches look okay. He was worried and thought that I fainted because I lost too much blood so I had to explain to him that…well, I’m not exactly the biggest fan of gore. Overall, though, he’s a model caregiver; I’ve always said that if he didn’t become a butler, he would’ve been a great doctor.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, he and Ana could open their own practice together.” (Y/N) stared down at her lap and Jack nervously bit his lip; before he could lose his nerve, he leaned forward in his chair and spoke. “(Y/N), I’m sorry.” Her head shot up and the look of surprise in her eyes urged him to continue. “I should’ve listened to you about looking into the orangery another day, that way we could’ve been better prepared and you wouldn’t have gotten injured, but what I’m really sorry for is the way I’ve spoken and acted towards you over the past few weeks. You didn’t do anything to deserve all that and…and I should’ve been a better partner to you. I get it if you don’t wanna work this case anymore, and-”

(Y/N)’s free hand shot out and grabbed one of his, the action succeeding in shutting him up; he met her gaze once again and was stunned to see that she too seemed nervous. “I haven’t exactly been fair to you either. What I said in the car…I didn’t mean it. If you didn’t care about our partnership, then you wouldn’t have acted the way you did when you got me here last night.” Jack frowned in confusion and (Y/N) gave him a small smile. “Jarvis told me that you didn’t leave my bedside when he stitched me up, not even once, and he said that you flat-out refused to have your ankle treated until after I was taken care of.”

“Jarvis talks too much.”

“Well, I’m glad he told me, and…” She looked down at their clasped hands before looking back up at him, a sincere gleam in her eyes. “…and I’m sorry too, Jack, for everything.”

They shared a smile, a genuine smile, and after a moment they both seemed to realize that they were still holding hands; (Y/N) pulled hers back to rest on her bedcovers and Jack’s quickly shot up to smooth back his hair, already feeling his face heat up in embarrassment as the image of her smiling face filled his mind. To clear the tension of the room, he chuckled and casually remarked, “You know, I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you call me by my actual name and not ‘Flyboy’.”

“I could say the same thing but I wouldn’t get used to it if I were you, Flyboy.” (Y/N) smirked as he rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Now, how about we go through the intel I gathered over some breakfast?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, Specs, let me see if I got it all straight,” Jack took a large bite of his blueberry muffin and a swig of black coffee before continuing. “The orangery’s being used to manufacture and distribute those vault-melting devices, they have a shipment that’s supposed to go out in the next few weeks, they bumped off Templeton for leaving a device behind at the crime scene and Michael’s goons are planning on ‘taking care of me’ next? Not much to worry ‘bout there since they seem to make pretty shit assassins, but the first few parts we can work with.”

(Y/N) nodded, setting her teacup down on its saucer and glancing down at the pad of paper filled with her messy scribbles. “I think that the first man I heard speak, the one worried about the SSR discovering their operation, could’ve been Adam Fieldman. It was dark but I may be able to identify him once we get ahold of his photograph.” She glanced up at him over the rims of her reading glasses. “We should definitely focus on him; based on the way he spoke, he might be an easy one to crack during an interrogation.”

Jack shrugged at her suggestion. “Agreed, but it’s not like the two of us can raid the place and bring him into the SSR for questioning; if we do that then everyone, including Carter, is gonna find out exactly what we’ve been up to. Oh, and are we just gonna breeze past the fact that you’ve been carrying a pen-bomb in your purse this whole time and you didn’t tell anyone about it?”

Ana, who had just entered the kitchen, let out a laugh. “Miss (Y/L/N) has many tricks up her sleeve, does she not? I must leave for my life-drawing class now, so I’ll see you all later!”

“Ah, goodbye darling!”

Ignoring the passionate goodbye kiss the husband and wife were sharing mere feet away, Jack raised an eyebrow at the codebreaker. “That thing wasn’t SSR tech, was it?”

“I may or may not have saved it from my old OSS days during the war.” (Y/N) gave him a mischievous grin. “I always knew it would come in handy someday.”

“Apparently.” Draining the last drops of coffee from his cup, Jack stood and took his dishes over to the sink where Jarvis had resumed cleaning up. “You got any ideas on what we should do, Jarvis?”

“Well, for one, I believe you should wash your own dishes, as you are neither my employer nor a severely injured guest.” Jarvis replied dryly before going over to where (Y/N) was seated at the table. “Are you finished with your breakfast, Miss (Y/L/N)?”

(Y/N) smiled up at the butler as she leaned back in her chair. “Thank you, Jarvis, it was delicious but I can wash my own-”

“You must stay off your feet for the time being, Miss (Y/L/N), or else your stitches may loosen. And absolutely no arguing.” Jarvis added sternly, and (Y/N) rolled her eyes but complied as he collected her dishes. “As for your current conundrum, Chief Thompson, it could easily be solved by simply telling Miss Carter exactly what you’re up to.”

Sighing, Jack looked up from the soapy water and exchanged a look with (Y/N) before meeting the butler’s hard gaze. “We told you, Jarvis, Carter can’t know about our investigation just yet.”

(Y/N) nodded in agreement, a sympathetic expression on her face as Jarvis turned to her. “He’s right, Jarvis. I know how badly her brother’s death affected her; if we tell Peg that Michael faked his death and spent the last few years committing war crimes but somehow end up being wrong about it, it’ll crush her.” The codebreaker nervously tugged at the sleeve of her robe and let out a breath. “And if we end up being right…well, at least we’ll have some actual proof to go along with our word.”

“…I still don’t feel entirely comfortable keeping something this momentous from Miss Carter, but I suppose that you’re correct about needing proof.” All of the sudden, Jarvis’ drawn face brightened. “You could always ask the Los Angeles police force for their aid!”

“The L.A.P.D.? I’ve got a lot of connections, pal, but I don’t have any in the…” Jack whirled around and grinned as the distant memory of an enthusiastic young officer handing (Y/N) his card all those weeks ago suddenly came to the forefront of his mind. “It looks like we’ve gotta pay a visit to that rookie cop friend of yours, Specs.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! If you haven’t checked it out yet, I created a Spotify playlist for this series and I’ll be updating it every time I upload a new chapter.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21pWY7OiMFj8LaYpxhtVtW

Chapter Nine

“Specs and the Flyboy” Masterlist

Tagging: @nnon-it-up @fluffymadamina @remmyswritings @ourstarsailor @darkusangelus @josis-teacup @marvel-jackt-loki-buck @yeetyeetchickenmeat @sameoldbaby @theserenityspace @seeing-but-not-observing @supervoldejaygent @momc95 @brooke0297 @kinda-c0nfused @outoftheregular @mads-weasley

#jack thompson x reader #agent carter #jack thompson #edwin jarvis #ana jarvis #michael carter #marvel cinematic universe #strategic scientific reserve

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legionofpotatoes · 3 years

Note

I love your art, it is very detailed in a neat way. Was wondering how you got started making it as a source of income? How did you get your first paid work, I'd love some advice on how to get started, if that's ok

Thank you. Of course it's okay, although I doubt I have enough work experience in art to really delve into this. I only went full freelance this year, and had been juggling art as a side hobby until then. If you're still interested in my somewhat narrow perspective, and are okay with my long-winded rambles, I'll give it a shot:

So to answer your question fully, I'll describe how I started and move into personal advice and learnings later on. As a disclaimer, I am a white cishet dude in my late twenties with a moderate cocktail of mental illnesses, but overall I can pass for a functioning adult so a lot I have to say may come laced with privilege I cannot fully identify.

So uhh I began drawing in around 2012? I think? Maybe halfway through 2011? And I mostly made fanart for things I enjoyed and tried to branch out in communities that felt nourishing to my style and interests (I caught a bug for alt posters and enjoyed mainstream movies so I spent a long time on posterspy early on). There were a handful of opportunities that came from there but I could only accept a couple because of primary workplace commitments. Still, it showed that networking in a focused community was definitely a good place to start; I myself have huge trouble committing to social networks and really staying socially active, but I knew it was an essential ingredient in succeeding so I tried to make myself be involved in challenges and art support trains etc. as much as I could.

In parallel to all that I also ran a few third party online stores (redbubble, teepublic) for disposable income and would sometimes, if rarely, hit around $100-150 a month from those sources combined. It is a sort of thing that requires helper accounts on other social media sites to promote it on, because the stores themselves have a huge volume of content that translates into low organic discoverability. Obviously it was never gonna be the way towards financial independence through art, and with community projects being few and far between, I opened private commissions in around uhhh 2017 I think, focusing on offering a few styles I knew I could do well, and sometimes operating in individual fandoms (it was mostly a bioware thing to be frank). But I had to close them back down after a year or so, again because of work-life conflict and how badly it was burning me out. The reason I kept trying to monetize this hobby is because I honestly hated what I did for my main job and wanted to see a way out in some shape or form in the future.

And then in 2020 I had to quit my main job altogether because of *gestures at pandemic* and deal with a mental breakdown from all the wonderful things it did to us and me specifically. I took a short break and decided to give art a shot full-time, and that was around May this year. I was planning on opening up commissions again (and I still am), but a few sudden opportunities that fell in my lap moved that timetable down and now I'm grateful to even be doing something I am getting adequately paid for.

So, with that somewhat limited perspective, here's what I've learned that I'd tell myself if I was just starting out:

1. Being a fan of something can be a shortcut towards effective networking kickoffs. Which are important evidently. If you love something and enjoy making content for it, join communities, settle into a combination of social media websites that feel right for those interests + your body of work + your inner rhythm, and try to play to content discovery as much as your mental health allows you to. Like I said, I know that I myself am incredibly bad at self-motivating to talk to people, so I found that synergizing common interests into fanart - which I enjoyed making anyway - could be a way to give myself a gentle nudge forward and build those bridges leading to community activities, which then net experience and coverage. Sometimes even freelance projects from official avenues. Again; picking the right spaces for what you're after is key. Companies roam twitter, concept art recruiters scour artstation or linkedin etc, instagram can land you private commissions and collab opportunities, so on and so forth. Find your niche and try to kick up dust. However...

2. I do not believe that any social profile can replace a good portfolio. The thing that made an immediate difference to me this year was building a coherent, simple website with my best work front and center and a contact form on top. Every single opportunity I got came from that form (maybe via twitter or instagram initially, but always sealing the decision after going through the website), so I firmly believe that showcasing your skills and portfolio in a visually arresting and user-friendly way is a big priority. I had some reservations about tackling that task but fortunately I had help from a savvy life partner and we slapped it together via wordpress in less than a day. Twitter/whatever social media is prevalent in your target groups is definitely important to get the right eyes on your shit, yes, but those eyes will then look for a second stop where your work and rates are more clear and concise. Simplicity is key imo, I cannot overstate this. So make a cute, simple portfolio!

3. Your skills and rates will grow and change as you do. Let them. Over the years I built several lasting professional relationships from my obsession over mass effect and kept getting opportunities both from bioware and their partner companies, some small and some a bit bigger. A one-off job earlier this year opened an unexpected door to another much larger commitment, and then the work I did there brought some attention from small businesses looking for commercial commissions. These were all incredibly different projects in terms of scope and budget, and I've been tackling them all on a case-by-case basis and slowly coming into my own irt my needs, rates, and SOW thresholds. It is still a work in progress (and a LOT of literal work as well), and very much a thing I struggle with in publicly marketing, which is why I felt a tad underqualified to answer your question in the first place (obviously I did not let that stop me). But what it means for me now is that I am rapidly developing into whatever my "version" of a functioning freelance artist is, and when the conditions for that guy are met, I need to be able to confidently plant myself and operate from that space despite past precedents. Do not let anyone bully you into downpricing what you yourself perceive as legitimate products of personal growth and development. Speaking of which...

4. The shitty challenge of turning envy into inspiration, and paddling outside your comfort zones in full riot gear. it is hard, but realizing that being a miserable, self-hating artist in my early days got me nothing but more misery back was the first real step I took and what truly blew the hinges off. I was just not pleasant to be around, I would badmouth my work all the time, and it all somehow made sense in my broken mind because the validation I sought was purely external and the way I sought it was through eliciting sympathy via self-victimization (even when I made something objectively nice). It all led fucking nowhere. Except perhaps to my own narcissism that I one day managed to identify and start managing. So I started looking at things that made me seethe with envy and calmly deconstruct and figure out their inner workings instead, do studies, and find nuggets of inspiration or discover new ways to approach rendering or building up specific elements. It was an application of analytical diligence to what I wanted to be a purely emotional, esoteric workflow, but that I deep down knew wasn't. Art is a discipline and a skill, and maybe it isn't a straight line, but you gotta find some line to thread nevertheless. Being self-hating was almost an identity I had to break out of, and despite it still being like, 4-5% there? I realize its cause and effect on me, my work, and those around me, so it is with a conscious choice that I gently set it aside when I work and especially when I learn. It won't always stay quiet, but the effort is the difference. Your doors towards accepting true growth and venturing into uncharted territories, art styles, and networking will really open from there. But there's a huge caveat...

5. Toolsets, accessibility, privilege, and all the good things that enable artistic expression and profitability are not given equal to all. you might do all the mental work I mentioned to be ready to rock and roll and learn and draw your way out of anything, but digital art is a fucking money pit that asks almost too much at times. I don't got a good case study here but identifying and ensuring accessibility to the tools you need to do your best work is, like, super important. The ergonomics can improve as you make money and settle into the job, but the basics have to be made available to you. And some of that might not even be under your direct control. That can be anything from pen tablets to software subscriptions to opportunities in hiring sullied by sexism or what have you. You gotta navigate all that through careful networking and money/time management. I don't do a good job of devoting specific slices of time to work/study, and my primary clutch is iPad software which went from a good deal to a nightmare scenario over the years. So all I can say here is do what I didn't; network, invest in a PC/tablet, and pick a software you'll learn that won't burn a hole in your pocket.

6. Be nice to work with? This one is hard to articulate and has landed my own ass in hot water in my early years because of how socially inept I am, but nothing is more worthwhile than being.. like. a good person to work with. That can be anything like meeting deadlines, or sometimes missing them but eloquently articulating why, being generous in early stages, being communicable and not too wordy in your emails, having a good grasp on abstract artistic concepts and how to describe them in simple terms, having a clear, laid out framework of your working rates in commercial and non-commercial projects and sticking to those guns with grace, understanding when you need to say no and saying it well, the works. Just being nice. Sometimes that might mean going headstrong with something you believe in, or simmering down and sucking up to the big man, all relative and adaptive. Part and parcel of the service provision dance that we all have to do in order to make bank. Know your lines here, obviously, and don't like. work for nazis. or uh.. *shudders* exposure. but be nice and empathetic and communicable and word will travel eventually. Skill may be in abundance these days, but good people are most certainly not, and capitalism has a way of bubbling up scarcity. Grim, but uh, them's the breaks.

I know I'm ultimately telling you to like. Have a body of work, make a portfolio, grow, and network. But that's really how I see it for now. And being nice can be a cherry on top that sets you apart, along with the inherent irreplaceable voice of your artwork. I think I rambled on enough, but if there is something specific you need my help with, even if you want to come off anon and talk in private, please feel free.

#anon #asks #long post #sorry I cant actually condense ideas better :(

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dindjarindiaries · 3 years

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In Defense of The Mandalorian Season Two

A look into how the writing of season two actually reflects the same writing as the original trilogy, most notably The Empire Strikes Back.

DISCLAIMER: This post is in no way trying to refute the opinions of others! I know that, to many, the writing of season two was a let down. I’m simply here to share my opinion on why I thought it was well done, but I’m very open to critiques and discussions (as long as they’re started with good intentions).

Below the cut, I’ll be discussing the similarities of the plot/story’s structure to that of The Empire Strikes Back, how season two acts as a bridge between seasons, and the “dropped” items that many have been concerned with.

SEASON TWO AND THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: DEVELOPMENT AND SETUP

One of the biggest critiques I’ve seen about season two is that it set up a lot of major opportunities for the development of the story and Din and never went in depth on those. Some of these things include Din being told he’s in a cult called the Children of the Watch, the acquisition of the Darksaber, and the removal of his helmet. These are all things we caught glimpses and hints of, but we never saw any resolution for—not even any processing from Din. This left many feeling unsatisfied by the end of the season.

Much like how viewers must’ve felt at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, prior to the release of Return of the Jedi.

This sounds like a stretch, doesn’t it? But hear me out:

A BIG REVELATION: Din realizes that other Mandalorians can remove their helmets and that Mandalore may not be cursed after all. Similarly, Luke finds out he’s the son of Darth Vader. Neither one of these things is mentioned again in their respective season/movie.

A BIG QUESTION MARK: Din doesn’t know where Grogu’s being taken for training or how to contact Luke again and we also don’t know where he’s at in terms of his “helmet rule.” Similarly, Han Solo is sitting in enemy hands, captured and frozen in carbonite with an unknown fate by the time the movie ends.

IN MEDIA RES: Din’s just found out that he’s now the rightful heir to the throne of Mandalore as he wields the Darksaber and we know this is something he’ll have to acknowledge later. Similarly, Luke’s been training as a Jedi been abandoned his training to save his friends, leaving his status as a Jedi Knight unknown but hinted at being finished later down the line.

As you can see, both season two and TESB ended with huge things that were just... left there. We never get to see how they’re resolved or how exactly the characters will deal with all this information that’s been thrown at them. Instead, we’re left with the shadow of their consequences, feeling as if we’re being left on the edge of our seats.

Evidently, this plays out much differently in a show than it does in a movie because there’s a broader range of screen time/story time. That’s why some of these revelations have to come earlier in the season than they would in a movie. The timeline of season two is short as it is; truly, as far as we know, the whole thing takes place over just a few days. Naturally, then, it makes sense that Din wouldn’t have been processing events very quickly—especially with everything he has to do for Grogu at the forefront of his mind.

The idea with both these pieces is the long-run. We’re not looking at the story over just one season/movie anymore like we did with season one of The Mandalorian and A New Hope. This is going into something so much bigger and we’re truly only in the rising action of it all. We have to look past just this season and to the overall picture of Din’s story. If we got all the answers this season, there wouldn’t be much to work with in season three, especially in terms of Din’s character development. The foreshadowing with these season two events is setting up so much potential for Din’s character to be focused on as much as ever in season three, which—as a huge Din Djarin fan—is so exciting to me!

SEASON TWO AS A BRIDGE

Season three was confirmed by Giancarlo Esposito (Moff Gideon) before season two even released. Thus, it’s obvious that in the minds of the crew, season two is a stepping stone to the future of the story. If season one was the setup of our smaller story, then season two is the beginning of the larger one. The Mandalorian universe is expanding and thus the time that the story takes must also grow with it.

We can expect that all the big ideas season two set up—Din questioning his Way, starting to remove his helmet in front of others, earning the Darksaber, etc.—will be explored in more depth in the coming seasons. While the main goal of season two was still to return Grogu to his people (which did happen!), it also started to give us hints as to what’s coming for Din’s character and story. After all, this show is called The Mandalorian. It’s about time we learn more about that character and not just his relationship with Grogu, as touching as that part of him is!

BUT WHAT ABOUT...?

THE SILVER BALL?

The silver ball has been a very touching symbol of Din and Grogu’s connection ever since season one. It’s made appearances in Chapter 3: The Sin, Chapter 6: The Prisoner, Chapter 13: The Jedi, and Chapter 14: The Tragedy. In Chapter 3, it was a symbol of how Din’s feelings towards Grogu changed during the episode, where he initially denied him access to the silver ball and then later offered it to him to play with. Yet again in season one we see Din give the ball to Grogu after his run-in with the gang. Then, we don’t see it again until Grogu takes it himself in Chapter 13 and it becomes the very thing that gets Grogu to willingly use the Force, especially with Din’s help.

While this all hints at the silver ball being a key symbol in their relationship, it’s not something that’s been absolutely imperative to their bond. It wasn’t brought up again in either season finale, much to many’s displeasure particularly in season two. I think the reason why Din ends up keeping it is because:

It gives him something to remember Grogu by.

Other than the beskar spear, it’s the only piece of the Crest Din has left.

My prediction is that, should Din buy another ship/a new model of the Crest, he may be able to put the ball in that ship—and then when he reunites with Grogu, his son will be very excited upon spotting it in Din’s new ship. Had Grogu taken it, Luke might’ve taken it away from him, too, because the little womp rat was obviously very distracted by it whenever he had it!

THE MYTHOSAUR NECKLACE?

Yet again, the Mythosaur necklace is a touching symbol of Din and Grogu’s bond. It only makes one appearance in the entire show, though—Chapter 8: Redemption. Not once is it even mentioned before or after. We only see it twice in that episode: first when Din’s dying and he hands it to Cara and second when Din realizes Grogu has it and is chewing on it.

I’m not sure the necklace was meant to have as much weight as we gave it. I believe it might’ve just been a symbol of the fact that Din’s finally accepted Grogu as his foundling, just as Din once was himself. I assume Grogu still has the necklace tucked under his robes and that’s why we don’t see it again in season two. But the fact that it only appeared very briefly in one episode means that it most likely was just a one-and-done idea, which is much different than something like the silver ball.

GROGU NOT WANTING TO LEAVE DIN AND VICE VERSA?

One of the biggest themes of this season was letting go. For Din, it was letting go of his fear over Grogu’s safety and the restrictions of his Way. For Grogu, it was letting go of his fear over using his powers and his deep attachment to Din. While obviously leaving each other was not ideal for either one of them, in the end, it’s what they had to do. Din had to do what was best for Grogu, which was to let him train so he can control his powers. Grogu had to train so Din wouldn’t be risking his life so much to protect him and so he could abandon his fear of leaving his father.

Evidently, by the time they’re saying goodbye, it’s bittersweet—because Din’s proud of Grogu and Grogu’s determined/excited to train, but they’re both obviously going to miss each other. But truly, this is where the season’s been leading us. We had hopes they might stay together, but ultimately, Grogu needs to be trained!

IN CONCLUSION

This season left a lot of unanswered questions—because it wanted to. These weren’t plot holes. These were moments of foreshadowing for later, when Din and Grogu began to have their development on their own rather than together. A big lesson we learned from season one is that every moment of screen time counts. The same goes for season two. We can expect every untied thread from season two to be tied off by the time the series ends—whether that be in season three or season four.

#the mandalorian #star wars #the mandalorian season two #din djarin #the empire strikes back #discourse

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ftstorm · 3 years

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My take on 5x10

Welp, that was a big one!

You know, before going into this episode I reminded myself this was the first episode of a new era, the first episode completely made by the new team.

So with that in mind my expectations were "Okay, let's see what they've got."

And oh boy did they surprise me.

DISCLAIMER: this text post is long af, not kidding.

1. THE INTRO SCENE.

You guys have no idea how glad I am that we got Mac doing a usual MacGyvering in his house. It's been ages since they implemented this format of showing his dynamics outside Phoenix and around his house.

I wasn't worried about the proposal thing at all. Guys, you have to accept that MacRiley was always going to happen after that 4x04 episode.

There was also the fact that this was the intro scene (usually the most important plot issues happen in the outro scene), Bozer's weird reaction and the melancholic audio cue.

If that proposal was happening, they would've made it more uplifting.

(I gotta say that watching Monica Marcer and the official MacGyver account making damage control in Twitter 3mins into the episode was a funny experience)

So my initial questions about Mac wanting to propose were: "what are his motivations?" and "how is this not going to work out by the end of the episode?"

The second question we got the answer later on. The first question remains unanswered. If we take on Mac's words, he says:

Mac: Unexpected, I know, I know. But that's why I like about it. You know ever since I lost my dad and Jack I've been thinking about the bigger picture. A commitment to make things work it's exactly what Desi and I need. A grand romantic gesture. *cue melancholic music*

Here we're presented with a bunch of things worth analysing, in my opinion.

He's trying to see the "bigger picture" which, for me, it means he's trying to tackle down different issues from his life with one specific, efficient action [the proposal]. Those issues being:

> his current romantic relationship: make is aware they have an inconsistent relationship > his performance at work: he needs balance between his personal affairs and his work, which is based on saving the world in a daily basis and for that he needs to be focused. > dealing with his past losses: to my understanding, saying "ever isn I lost my dad and Jac I've been thinking about the bigger picture" means that he doesn't want hopelessness to take over him, he wants to keep on moving and being proactive about his life.

So... you have to understand that in some sort of way, this proposal thing is a signal that Mac is healing. In some sort of way, if you were in Mac's shoes you would see that it was a positive thing for him. A step forward.

The thing is, we [the audience] have an extended understanding of the situation and we know that an engagement would be an incredibly rushed decision.

As well as it is that Mac's trying to move forward, he obviously hasn't been able to pinpoint the true issue behind his relationship with Desi. He isn't wrong about them lacking in the commitment department, but forcing the relationship to scalate isn't the right move. He should be asking himself: "Why are we avoiding commitment?"

And that's when he'd find out that they have very deep and important trust and communication issues.

~~~~

2. Moving on. MURDOC.

Russ: I can process it more efficiently by having it all spread out ahead me, you know. I reckon see the bigger picture at once.

This is when I realized that the episode was centered on this whole "bigger picture" idea. Russ struggles to see the full picture until the very end and Mac finds out that he hasn't been seeing the full picture of his life at all by the end of the episode.

Fast forward, the team's in Mexico, Riley knows about the ring already and she has already had the talk with Bozer in which she refers to her feelings for Mac in a past tense.

Then Murdoc appears.

And as if the episode wasn't already a rollercoaster after Mac's reveal, now Murdoc shows up to put everything upside down.

First I gotta say, man Dastmalchian is SUCH A GOOD MURDOC. Excellent actor. The way he delivers his lines, his facial expressions, all of it make an original and very entertaining Murdoc.

He always gives me such a Andrew Scott's Moriarty vibes and I love it.

Secondly, his dynamic with Andrews: *cheff kiss*

I loved how Andrews was so over Murdoc's theatrics, to the point his facial expression screamed "Why did I even reclute this guy" LOL.

Back to the story.

This is something I was hoping it wouldn't happen but at the same time I don't see another way it could've happened which is the explanation behind Murdoc's escape and how Phoenix didn't know about it.

Because what they told us is that the FBI didn't let them in on Murdoc's escape, right? Does that imply that the FBI has a corrupt agent in charge? Does it imply that the order of not letting Phoenix in came from above? Maybe someone with higher clearence than Matty? A politician? Governement conspiracy?

It smells like plot hole, tbh. I feel like the Murdoc's escape is a classic "it is what it is". We'll see if they come back to this in later episodes.

~~~~

3. BIG SECRET REVEAL 1.

By now we're at the point of the rollercoaster where you're going up and up and up. Your tension building more and more as you're getting close to the drop.

Bozer and Riley's audio was the drop.

You know, during this scene I jumped from my seat, closed my eyes, cringed, squealed, my heart accelarated, forgot how to breathe...

As a person who is a little bit bipolar when it comes to romance (I can be very shy about it or very outspoken about it) that scene made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

Imagine having your feelings exposed not only to the person you have feelings for but also his girlfriend who happens to be your friend, your boss and the criminal that's threatening to kill hundreds of people.

I was like: "Not like this!!"

And Mac's reaction didn't help because of the lack of it. I don't know what I expected but his slightly monotone reaction broke my heart.

Thankfully, I've recovered since then and I don't mind that it happened that way.

Still, imagine how suffocating it must've been for Riley. That idea was what made me so uncomfortable and I think that's what they were going for. They wanted to make it as straightforward and awkward as possible.

But it doesn't end there. It's followed by Mac revealing the ring to Desi (and Riley). Mac's in "fuck it" mood and Desi kinda panics.

Little side note here, using GUM and a DIAMOND to break a bullet proof glass... BIG YES. That's an intrinsic MacGyverism.

~~~~

4. BIG SECRET REVEAL 2.

Then we get a breather from this drama by introducing another drama, Leanna's death.

Bozer's reaction to the news was heartbreaking for my already heartbroken heart.

I have my suspicions as to why they decided to kill her... The other episode completely made by the new team was the Quarantine one (5x06). During that episode Mac and Bozer bond over Bozer's pain. After learning about Bozer's mom, Mac chooses to share a piece of his own pain with him.

So, hear me out, I think they writers are planning to help Mac process his own grief THROUGH Bozer's grief. Keep in mind that we still have a Bozer centered episode coming up.

This is just a theory. I may be wrong, but I think it may be right too.

Back to the episode.

Once again we see a three dimensional Russ. He does something accordingly to his own judgement thinking it's the right decision [hiding Leanna's death], he realizes he screwed up, he gives Bozer a very heartfelt apology about it.

Henry's acting talent shone with this narrative. Actually, most of the actors had the chance to shine THANKS to the NARRATIVE. Murdoc, Andrews, Desi, Mac, Russ and Bozer... they all had their highlight moments (I'll talk about Riley later).

Parenthesis here... THE NARRATIVE HAS RETURNED THEIR SOULS TO OUR DEAR CHARACTERS!

WOW, they aren't brooding, angry, sad or whiny ALL THE EFFIN TIME. ABOUT TIME!

~~~~

5. LAST ACT.

For the third or fouth time in this episode my heart broke again when Mac was friendly towards Riley, after she explained herself. It really felt like he was friendzoning her.

But here's something to point out. Riley visibly relaxed when he reacted that way. What does that tell us?

> She had been so tense up until that point. Imo, she's on the defensive now. You can even see it in her wardrobe, make up and hairstyle choices. They're very contrasting to Riley's most vulnerable moments in this show (like when Audrey broke up with her).

Riley has had a year to sort out her feelings. We see in this episode that she spoke about them in a past tense. Whether she achieved it or not is unknown. We just know that she has at least tried to move on.

> She was mostly afraid of ruining her close relationship with Mac (who's her only family, along with Bozer) and her friendship (?) with Desi. We've seen it over and over again: Riley DID NOT WANT to get in the middle of them.

Keep that in mind as we go in the last scene.

It took me a while to figure out a possible thread of thought inside Mac's mind. Why did he look at the ring and decided to go to Riley's house? It really didn't make sense to me.

One moment he was thinking about his proposal and somehow that lead to him having the necessity to know if Riley still had feelings for him? Why??

My theory is that he went to her apartment for permission.

His question was a way of asking Riley for permission to propose to Desi. It was a way of reassuring himself that proposing was still the right decision.

In a way, he could also be fishing for an excuse to not do it [the proposal].

Because now he has doubts. He's confused, unsure.

Mac asks:

Mac: Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did it go away?

What could her answer have been? Here I wanna go back again to Riley being emotionally defensive, added her strong desire of not wanting to be in the middle of Mac and Desi's relationship.

I think she would've said "Yes, it worked."

Because it also lines up with my idea that the love triangle has changed from "Riley's a better match for Mac" to "Mac needs to win Riley's heart".

Riley's done her job. She worked out her feelings. Now it's time for Mac to sort out his humongously messed up internal self and reignite her spark. That's what I think.

Also, if anyone has any idea on how the song that played in that scene relates with the moment please share it with me because I don't really understand the song choice lol.

~~~~

6. ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Desi. I'm not sure what's going on in her mind. She seemed stressed out by the ring, very serious about Riley, lenient with Mac... I'm really not sure.

My guess would be that she doesn't want that type of commitment but she wants to be with Mac yet she can't ignore Riley so does that mean she has to end it with Mac? That's the thought process she may have had? Idk...

I'm glad they let her be mature about it, with no overreactions, no whining, no blaming, nothing of that style that we're used to see in her.

I'm also glad about that moment when she defeats Murdoc and Andrews. THAT'S HOW YOU WRITE A TOUGH DESI. It was filmed with such a gracefulness and elegance. I liked it.

From a MacDesi point of view, she's probably being open minded and giving him space and waiting for him to come back to her... but somehow I got the vibe that she's actually... running away?

Lastly but no less important.

THE HISPANIC REPRESANTION OMG. RUSS SPEAKING SPANISH AND THAT CUMBIA MUSIC FILLED MY HEART WITH SO MUCH PRIDE!!! :')

#MacGyver #review #long post #finally finished it #macgyver meta #my meta

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kittyprincessofcats · 3 years

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RWBY Volume 6

So, I pretty much binge-watched this one in a few days because I really needed to know how things go on after Volume 5 and it was just so good! Lots of messy thoughts to come!

[There will be spoilers for RWBY up to Volume 6 in this post (duh). Please don’t leave any spoilers for anything after Volume 6 on this post, or I will block you.]

Thoughts under the cut because this ended up getting a little long.

- The character short for Adam was really cool! It was cool to see how the White Fang began, to see Sienna, Ghira, Ilia and Adam in action, to see the irony of Sienna being a mentor to Adam and encouraging his ways when you know he’ll end up killing her, and to see a glimpse into Adam and Blake’s past relationship (and how the stuff he said to her was textbook emotional abuse). However, I do have one criticism, and it’s something that really bothers me: There’s a continuity mistake with Ilia’s age. Let’s think about this: Ilia was always implied to be the same age (or around the same age) as Blake. In the part of this short where Ghira was still leader of the White Fang, Ilia appears and doesn’t look younger than in canon. But we know Ghira stepped down at least a few years ago. If Blake is meant to be a teenager in volume 1… there’s just no way Ilia could have been there and already been an adult. She’s supposed to have still been a kid when Ghira was leader, unless she’s at least a few years older than Blake – which I don’t think she’s meant to be? Yeah sorry, this kind of stuff just bothers me. I get that timelines can be hard to keep track off, but that was a really obvious mistake and it ruins my immersion a bit.

- I loved the whole opening fight on the train and just seeing team RWBY fighting together again.

- I’ve got to say, I do feel bad for Weiss: After everything she went through to leave Atlas, she now suddenly has to go back there. I mean, that must suck.

- I’m a bit sad they just but Ilia on a bus, but I get that her main conflict is pretty much over and they had to go back to focusing on the main characters’ quest. I still wish we’d have at least gotten a scene of her interacting with the other members of team RWBY, though.

- I really liked Ilia and Blake’s goodbye at the train station, though. (And the whole “wrong tree” moment with Neptune really made me laugh 😂)

- Also just wanted to say I love Ilia’s new outfit (and the fact that she has spots on her belly – this is really important information, okay?)

- There’s a certain irony in the Faunus becoming more accepted because they STOPPED Adam’s attack on Haven.

- I think Jinn and the whole concept of how asking her questions works is super cool.

- I totally get why everyone’s pissed at Ozpin both before, during and after Jinn revealed his and Salem’s backstory. He has been hiding an awful lot from everyone, even after promising not to anymore, and he actively tried to stop the team from finding out the truth. Plus, the whole fact that he doesn’t have a plan for defeating Salem and is potentially risking everyone’s lives for nothing. (That said, can they not take it out on poor Oscar, please? None of this is his fault.)

- Oscar fighting Ozpin from within and telling them how to summon Jinn was a really badass scene. And I feel super bad for Oscar overall. Not only is he kind of at war with someone who lives in his brain now, but he also just found out that he’ll eventually only become a part of Ozma. And on top of that, people are punching and blaming him for stuff that’s not his fault. That’s super harsh.

- I’m kind of glad Cinder’s alive, because as I said, I was hoping they’d develop her more and make her a more interesting villain… but I don’t feel like this volume did that. Right now, she’s still pretty superficial, unfortunately.

- And now, time to get into one of the highlights of this volume for me: Salem’s backstory! Because holy shit, that was one hell of a backstory! When I said back in my post about volume 5 that I hope Cinder’s alive because I would like to see them make her a more interesting villain, I didn’t expect them to do just that, but for Salem. I love villains that are interesting, but I didn’t expect Salem, the literal big bad of the show, to be the interesting one here! I am pleasantly surprised by this, though! (And just to be clear, because some people love to misunderstand this: When I say “interesting”, I don’t mean “She has a sad backstory, this excuses everything she’s doing”, I mean “She has a sad backstory, this makes her more compelling as a villain”.)

- So, about that backstory: Do we all agree that the gods are major jerks, or what? I mean, initially not bringing Ozma back to life was fair, death is a part of life, they can’t upset the balance, I get that – but making him repeatedly disintegrate in Salem’s arms after she just thought she’d gotten him back? And then making her immortal just to make sure she couldn’t be with him? And then killing ALL of humanity just because of the actions of a few? But still not letting Salem die? And then bringing Ozma back after all (because now it suddenly doesn’t ‘disrupt the balance’ or what?) and kind of tricking him into that whole relics task because he wanted to be with Salem? The god are jerks, I rest my case - and I’m not sure if bringing them back is a good idea.

- Also… I get that she’s like… evil and all… but am I the only one who thought Salem got way sexier after jumping into the pools of grimm? Is that just me? Because damn… I’m kinda into that version of her. (Come on, she’s a sexy goth witch and I’m a simple lesbian, what do you expect?)

- So yeah… in an unexpected turn of events, Salem might be one of my favourite characters now? Oops? (*insert obligatory ‘this does not mean I condone her actions in any way’ disclaimer here*)

- I feel super bad for Salem and Ozma’s kids, though. I hate kids getting hurt in media in general. (I imagine the grief over them stayed with Ozma forever. And I like the theory that he gave the original four maidens their powers because they reminded him of his daughters. In general, I don’t consider him to be the bad guy in this backstory at any point. His only mistake is not being honest with the people who are helping and protecting him in the present.)

- I am now convinced that this entire show has to end with Salem and Ozma dying. That’s the only way all of this can end. Salem will have to either be killed somehow or learn the lesson the gods tried to teach her and die. Ozma will have to fulfill his task and die as well – either through Oscar dying with him (😢), through only Ozma dying but Oscar getting to live without him, or through the reincarnation cycle ending and Ozma/Ozpin recognizing that Oscar is going to be his last life. Something like that would be my prediction.

- Speaking of interesting villains: This volume also did a great job with Emerald and Mercury! With those two, I’m actually hoping for a redemption now. (And Hazel is a great guy as well. The fact that he was willing to take the blame for their failure at Haven to protect Emerald and Mercury is something I really respect.)

- I also I want to say I find Tyrion super entertaining.

- It was great to see Neo again! (I’ve gotten so used to Chibi!Neo it was almost weird to see regular Neo again.) Her fight with Cinder was EPIC.

- (I basically feel like this volume did a great job on all villains except for Cinder. But hey, maybe that’ll still happen.)

- This was an interesting volume for Qrow. On the one hand, I get why hearing Oz’s backstory drove him into a sort-of depression and made his drinking habit worse and I feel bad for him, but from the point-of-view of Ruby and the others, it must have also been super frustrating that the one proper adult in the group couldn’t keep it together and everyone else had to keep doing the hard work.

- Maria is a super cool and epic character! I really hope she sticks around with the team for Volume 7 because she’s amazing and I love her. She was super badass in her backstory (that moment where she lost her eyes was painful just to watch), I love the fact that she was Qrow’s hero growing up (and that he based his weapon on hers!), that we finally met another character who has (well, had) silver eyes, and that she’s that funny, cranky, but also wise old lady now who mentors Ruby and is just super funny all around. Good stuff, I hope we see more of her!

- The Apathy are the creepiest grim yet. The whole concept of them draining you of your will to live without you even noticing is just SO scary – I love it, but I’m also low-key terrified. The crew’s trip to that farm estate could have easily gone very wrong. Pretty much nothing but Ruby’s silver eyes even worked on them. I like how those episodes set the whole thing up – Team RWBY having emotional conversations while they were in the house, everyone having doubts (which makes sense at that point in the story, so you don’t really question it at first), and then the sneaking realization of what’s going on. Also, the guy who sealed in those Apathy grim in in the first place was just so dumb. How could you think that was a good idea? Good job getting everyone killed, dude.

- I’m glad this volume gave us more on Ruby’s silver eyes! I like that she finally got to use them before the season finale (though I loved that joke on RWBY Chibi), and I also like that she first used them to protect Blake. (I don’t ship them as much as Bumbleby, but I feel like Ruby and Blake’s ship/friendship is super underrated.) It was also nice to learn more about how the Silver eyes work in general and how they came to be. (If they came from the god of light, I’m assuming all the people with silver eyes are the descendants of Ozma’s past lives? TV Tropes kind of helped me out here: Apparently if you freeze the picture where you see one of his past lives with his kids, you can see the kids have silver eyes.) People with silver eyes being hunted also comes as no surprise to me, that’s kind of what I was assuming already. (Which raises the question: Just how did Summer Rose die?) Also, interesting fact that they only work on the Grimm...

- That moment where they reunite with JNR in Argus was really sweet. I also loved the design of Argus as a whole.

- I LOVE Saphron, Terra, and their son!!! I love that we got to meet one of Jaune’s sisters, I love that we got some more LGBT+ representation, and their baby is adorable!! (I loved that scene of everyone cooing over the baby. Also, that moment where Ruby realized Jaune and Saphron were siblings. Also, that moment where the baby helped them distract the guards by crying.) Basically, I just love the Cotta-Arcs. (Also, I just want to say that Saphron is super pretty.)

- Cordovin and her two goons are hilarious. I mean, I also hate them because they’re overly patriotic Atlas-people and Cordovin was racist to Blake – but they’re also super freaking hilarious. Every little line of Maria and Cordovin’s beef with each other had my dying with laughter 🤣 (mainly it was Maria’s lines that had me dying with laughter).

- That whole scene with the statue of Pyrrha was such a tearjerker 😢. First the leaf, then the sad music, then Jaune talking to that red-haired lady (I’m guessing she’s either Pyrrha’s mom or sister?), and then Ren and Nora joining and giving Jaune a pep-talk 😭 😭. I think this was a really important moment for Jaune, not just to get closure, but also to stop blaming himself and putting himself down. I’m glad Ren and Nora told him they don’t want to lose him too, and that the red-haired lady said she’s “glad Pyrrha was surrounded by such amazing people”. Gosh, now I’m tearing up again writing this 😭. I miss Pyrrha 😭 😭.

- I love Oscar’s new outfit. It was time for him to finally drop the farm boy look.

- I love how Jaune is so down for crime that his plan is just “They only let Atlas airships though, so we steal an Atlas airship.” I mean, makes sense.

- I think their whole plan to steal the airship was super cool and although I get why things can’t be that easy in shows like this (and I love that we got the showdown with Adam), I still kind of wish it had worked just because it was a really cool plan and everyone had their part to play in it. Heck, even the baby got to help (and it was awesome)! But yeah, Adam just had to ruin everything, nothing new there.

- So, about Adam: First of all, he’s a major creep for victim-blaming Blake (again) and stalking her. I like how creepy his behaviour is from a story-telling perspective (and from an angst-loving “I like seeing my faves suffer” perspective), but his story was getting a little old, so I’m not too sad they killed him off now. It was a good point in the story to do it. (That said, holy shit is he a creep! “I wouldn’t have to be doing this if you just behaved”? Wow. I get that he’s meant to be abusive and controlling; that’s the point of his character (and like I said, I’m here for the angst), but… yikes, poor Blake.)

- And then we had Blake and Yang’s rematch with Adam. EPIC STUFF. First of all, I like that Blake was able to hold her own against him for a bit (and same for Yang later). I also love the whole dramatic setting by the waterfall and the fact that Blake lost her coat (this is important, okay? it symbolizes vulnerability – and also it just looks cool), the scar on Blake’s belly (from their fight at Beacon, right?), the face reveal of Adam – I just love how all of this was set up in such an epic, dramatic way. But the most epic moment, at least from the start of the fight, has got to be Yang just jumping down there with her motorcycle hitting Adam and that amazing music. I’ve said before that Yang is just too cool for words and I will stand by that. The fight itself was epic too, though I was so stressed the whole time I couldn’t completely pay attention. Blake and Yang fighting Adam together was definitely the best part, though. And I loved the irony of Yang’s metal arm saving her. In general, I like that Yang and Blake got to fight and defeat (and kill) Adam together because he’s been a demon for both of them, and I like that they clarified they’re doing it as equal partners. “We’re protecting each other” was a nice callback to earlier when Blake tried to reassure Yang she’d protect her, and to even earlier when Yang was protecting Blake at Beacon.

- Let’s talk about my other highlight of the volume: Bumbleby! Because sorry not sorry, there’s no way you can deny their romantic subtext anymore at this point. Early in the volume, there’s the conflict of things being weird between them, and Blake not knowing how to deal with her guilt and thinking she needs to protect Yang (and do stuff like getting her bag down for her) – while Yang feels insulted by this and thinks that Blake sees her as being incapable of doing anything now that she lost an arm. Then, when Blake first leaves to disable the comms, they give each other those really sweet, loving looks. And of course, it all leads up to them confronting their nightmare together, holding hands, and declaring that they’re protecting each other. Add Adam’s jealousy to that (He was making comparisons between himself and Yang and asking “What does she even see in you?” – that’s not a sentence you just say to your ex’s friend) and you’d have to be willfully ignorant to not see the subtext. And those soft moments after the fight just killed me: Blake breaking down crying, Yang immediately running to hug and comfort her, Blake’s promise not to leave, Yang reassuring her and wiping away her tears – I LOVE hurt/comfort stuff and I’m so soft for these two! They love each other so much!

(Pretty much the only downside of all this is that a few major parts were spoiled for me in advance. Look, it’s pretty impossible to follow lots of blogs that post wlw ships and not see that picture of Bumbleby holding hands, or the one of them hugging (or the one of them killing Adam) at some point. So yeah… I’d seen all three of those pictures before and knew this would happen. But it was still really nice to see it all come together and see how we got there!)

- The fight against Cordovin and her giant mecha was also pretty cool! It reminded me a bit of the Legend of Korra finale. Ruby going inside the arm canon was an especially epic moment. And I also liked that small moment when they were flying on the Queen Lancer and Ruby had her arms around Weiss’ waist (a bit of White Rose, yay!).

- I like that moment when the Grimm attack and the team first realizes they just destroyed the only thing capable of stopping them – but to be honest, that was mostly Cordovin’s fault. She brought out that mecha for something it wasn’t meant for and started the fight that attracted the Grimm in the first place. Also, how exactly did she think the people of Atlas would take it if she had actually hurt Weiss? So yeah, most of that mess was on her, tbh. I’m glad she at least came though to help in the end, though.

- Back to Bumbleby: Honestly, the strongest romantic undertones weren’t even in the fight with Adam or directly afterwards for me, but in the last episode when they’re all on the ship together. So, Blake is blaming herself for the plan going wrong, and Yang has an arm around, her, still half holding her and reassuring her. And then – and this one really gets me – Ruby hugs Blake and gives Yang that knowing look over her shoulder while Yang suddenly looks away shyly. They’re communicating without words and Ruby totally knows what’s up. She’s basically saying “So you and Blake, huh?” and suddenly Yang – YANG – is feeling shy. This isn’t subtle. And then later Bumbleby hold hands again and look at each other like that… they’re in love, I don’t make the rules.

- And finally, we of course have Ruby’s epic silver-eyed moment in the finale, which was AMAZING. I loved all the flashbacks and how they’re drawn pictures and not just stills from the episodes, I love how the memories of her friends motivate her, I love how much of Penny there was in there (bit of Nuts and Dolts, yay!), I loved seeing adorable little!Yang, and of course the first look at Summer Rose! (I still want a Team STRQ backstory episode at some point.) Also, the music during that scene was so good!

Gosh, now I’ve talked for way too long again, but there was just so much to say about this volume! Long story short: Loved it, can’t wait to continue! (I know exactly 1 major spoiler for volume 7 because it was unavoidable on social media, but that’s it. And it’s a spoiler I really didn’t mind knowing, so…)

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wrenhyperfixates · 3 years

Text

Of All the Places

Chapter 11

Pairing: Loki x reader Series Summary: Washing up in a small town in Oklahoma was definitely not part of Loki’s plan when he came to conquer Midgard. There is one good thing about it, though: No one recognizes him as the one who just wreaked havoc in New York. So, Loki plans to recover from the battle and move on with his life. The only problem? He’s not sure he can leave you. Chapter Summary: In which the truth is revealed. Chapter Warnings: starts out with fluff, some making out, things quickly dissolves into angst, a bit of violence, and there’s like one f-bomb A/N: I apologize in advance. You’ll see why. Updates every Friday.

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @marvelousdaydreams @parkastoria @lokistan @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs @sourpatchspinster

✥ Start at Beginning ✥ | ← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

A week after your first date, Loki was still dreaming about your kiss every night. He was elated, on cloud nine, and it seemed like things could only get better from here. Except for that one little bump in the road; he had yet to tell you his history.

Your entire family was currently in the living room watching episodes of I Love Lucy. Loki was next to you on the couch, and you were snuggling into his side, his arm draped around your shoulders. It was like some crazy dream that he was here on this idyllic farm with your family. In some ways, they were his family too, he thought. You laughed at something happening on the TV, and Loki delighted in the angelic sound of it. He smiled down at you, feeling indescribable happiness.

“What?” you asked, looking up at him.

“You just look so beautiful, my darling,” he replied and placed a small kiss to the tip of your nose.

You returned the action. “Thanks, Loki. You look pretty beautiful, too.”

As you went back to resting your head on his shoulder, he realized this would have been the perfect time to come clean. If only everyone else was not with you, too. It caused a small pang in his heart that he had to keep holding back.

At some point, Matt crawled into Loki’s lap, fighting off the sleep that was trying to claim him. He laughed at the small boy who obviously wanted to stay up like all the adults.

“Come on, small fry,” John said to his son. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“No!” he protested. “I want to stay up with Loki.”

His sentence was punctuated with a yawn, and they let him remain where he was, knowing that soon he’d be asleep, anyway. They were right, of course, and Loki offered to tuck the boy in. Everyone agreed, so he carried the child up to his room and put him to bed. Loki wasn’t sure what came over him, but he hummed a little Asgardian lullaby, something Frigga had sung to him. Though, it was not the same one he’d hummed for you that morning in the barn. This one his mother sang to him on nights when he’d had nightmares. They were always about shadowy monsters chasing him, more abstract than how a child typically pictures their demons. Knowing everything he did now, Loki wondered if the monster was actually him all along.

“That was beautiful,” you said as Loki whipped around at the sound of your voice. You were leaning on the doorframe, a small smile on your face. “Will you sing it for me one day?”

“Yes, my darling. One day.”

He walked over and placed a kiss to your forehead. Though those were far from infrequent, you’d yet to kiss on the lips again. He felt he should be the one to initiate it this time, but he felt bad, considering everything. He was already lying to you about so much that it would have just felt like another one to heap onto all of those. Though, he truly did love you, so perhaps it was something else holding him back. Maybe his insecurity was just getting the better of him.

“Will you take a walk with me, my darling?” he asked.

“Of course.”

You quickly told your family you were stepping out for a second and then set off. As you walked, the conversation flowed easily. You talked about everything you could think of, still getting to know each other. Eventually, Loki led you to the creek, and you smiled at him, taking his hand in yours.

“I still remember the last time we were here like it was yesterday. It was the first time we talked. I mean really talked, you know?”

“I do. I must admit, it was also when I began to fall for you.”

“I, well, oh!” you bumbled, looking away, feeling both flattered and flustered. “If we’re being honest, the same goes for me.”

“Darling.”

“Yes?” you replied, your eyes full of hope.

Loki tried to tell you the truth, but the words would not come. Instead, he rushed forward and kissed you. It was sloppy again, but both of you obviously could not have waited a second longer to do it. He pulled away a little, only to move back in and reposition his mouth against yours, deepening the kiss. His hand cupped your cheek, and yours found his hair, tangling themselves in his raven locks.

Before you knew it, you ended up on the ground, making out with Loki on top of you. It was like you were the air he needed to breathe; he needed you to live. He could never get enough. His lips moved from your mouth and kissed along your jaw, moving down your neck and sucking on your pulse point.

“Loki,” you said in a breathless moan.

He went back to kissing your lips, his tongue finding its way into your mouth, searching, though he didn’t know for what. He found it, regardless; it was love. He could feel it vibrating in every bone of his body.

“I am sorry,” he said, moving away. “I do not know what came over me.”

“Don’t apologize,” you replied, panting. “It was good. A little unexpected, but good. And long overdue, I might add.”

He caressed your cheek and placed another small kiss to your lips. “I am glad to hear it, my darling. It was overdue indeed. And now that it has happened, I do not want to stop.”

You pulled him back down then, connecting your lips together again. It was less frantic now, though. Slower, more careful. Deliberate. He hoped you were saying the same thing he was. I love you. I love you. I love you. He couldn’t stop thinking those words, but there was guilt gnawing at his heart. He wanted to tell you everything so badly, but how could he ruin this? This was the best thing to ever happen to him; if he lost it, lost you, he didn’t know what he would do.

“My darling,” he tried to begin, but you recaptured his lips before he could get any further. After who knows how long, you released him, pulling his bottom lip between your teeth before letting go completely. “I have something I must tell you.”

“What is it?” you asked, that damnable look of hope in your eyes again.

“It can wait until morning,” he sighed.

“Oh. Ok. If you’re sure.”

He moved off of you and helped you up into a sitting position beside him. Pressing you to his chest in a tight embrace and stroking your back, he kissed your head.

“Is everything ok, Loki?” you questioned, pulling back and putting your hands on his chest. “If we’re moving too fast or something, we can slow down.”

“No, it is not that. This is perfect. You are perfect.”

“Well, ok, I guess. If you say so,” you relented, kissing him on the cheek and hugging him around the shoulders. “I hope you know I think you’re perfect, too.”

You stayed there for a while longer, enjoying each other’s company. Eventually, you decided to head back. Thinking you seemed a little cold, Loki draped his jacket around your shoulders, yet another reminder of your first visit. About halfway back to the farm, Loki decided that you seemed too tired to keep walking and scooped you up bridal style, using his godly strength to carry you the rest of the way.

“Goodnight, my darling,” he whispered, laying you on your bed. “I will see you in the morning.”

“Night, Loki.”

He caressed your cheek and gave one final kiss before departing. By the time he reached his room, he felt numb, the joy and anxiety cancelling each other out.

In the morning, he thought, I will tell them in the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki woke up with a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. Though he was no clairvoyant, he could tell something big was about to happen, and the outcome would not be good. The only logical thing he could think would happen is that you would deplore him after he reveals himself. That, or you were going to get hurt. Or even worse yet, die before he could confess. The very thought made him choke on tears.

Dragging himself out from under the covers, he got ready for the day, apprehension slowing his every move. This could be the end of everything, for surely if you grew to hate him, he could not stay here. Where he would go, Loki did not know, just that it would be off of Midgard. Away from his insolent brother, the irritating Avengers, this farm. His home. No, he shouldn’t think of it as that, not when this might all be over in the matter of an hour. He took a shaky breath and looked in the mirror. For the first time in many, many years, he didn’t see a monster. If you—kind, loving, perfect you—cared about him, he simply couldn’t be one. It was his sincere hope that he would still be able to say that at the end of the day.

He went to your door only to find a note stuck to it, the same bright pink color as the one you used that first day to tell him the clothes you laid out were for him. He couldn’t believe how long ago that was, how wary of everything he had been. His eyes skimmed the words and learned you were in town with Papa. You wrote that you were sorry to put it off more, but you would talk later. He was dismayed to hear he would have to hold it in for longer, afraid he would lose his nerve.

He went downstairs to find the house abandoned by all except Mama. He greeted her with a warm hello, to which she responded with a curt nod of her head. She had been acting rather suspicious of him again these past few days, now that he thought about it. In all honesty, he’d been too happy to be spending so much time with you to pay her any mind. Most likely the mood could be chalked up to the very same thing that had him ignoring it. He’d called a truce with her, but it wasn’t like this would be the first time she went back on that and became her old, nasty self. But, no, something about this was different than normal. She wasn’t just being cold, she was being... Jittery? It made no sense to Loki.

“Is something the matter?” he asked, for if there was anything to say about the woman, it was that she is brutally honest.

“Hm, what? Oh, nothing. I’m fine.”

“Ah. I see. If you say so.”

“Well, I do. Obviously.”

“Yes, obviously indeed.”

She made another little hum of agreement that sounded far more strangled than it should have. That dread twisted in his stomach again, practically a tangible monster, coming to take everything he held dear. Something terrible was coming, he just couldn’t put his finger on exactly what yet.

“Where is everyone else? Or rather, where are John, Ana, and Matt?” he adjusted his question since he already knew where you and Papa were.

“Oh, around. Out in the fields, probably. Why? Do you need something?” she coldly inquired, stroking Taffy’s head. More often than not, the cat wasn’t around, but Loki was glad she was there now to help soothe Mama’s nerves. “I’m sure it can wait if you do.”

“Just curious is all.”

Another strangled noise. Loki moved out of the room before his own anxiety could feed off of hers any more. Why was she being so flippant, yet at the same time so nervous? It was disconcerting, to say the least. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he pondered the situation, the premonition of an awful tragedy about to come. Perhaps, he thought in a moment of utter panic, there was another tornado approaching. Struggling with the remote for a second, he found the news channel, but there were no reports of any dangerous weather approaching. He turned it off and dramatically flopped on the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose. It wasn’t that, but there was something. Something was about to happen. Something...

A knock at the front door pulled him out of his thoughts. He moved to answer it, but Mama came rushing past him.

“Don’t bother. I’ve got it.”

“Really,” he said, tailing her, certain that the bad thing was directly connected to her. “It is no problem.”

Mama ignored him, except for a small, dismissive wave, and kept moving towards the door. Loki stayed right behind her, peering over her shoulder as she sucked in a sharp breath and turned the knob.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Mama scowled at Ana and her family. “I thought you were going to be out in the field for the morning.”

“We were,” she replied, coming in. “We’re just here for a quick snack break. Why? Is everything ok?”

“Yes, of course it is. Why does everyone keep asking that?”

John shot Loki a troubled look as he also tried to coerce the true answer from Mama. Loki would have chimed in, too, but he knew he was the last one she would tell. They needed Papa; he was the only one she ever listened to. But that was irrelevant, and Loki tried to figure out how he could help. He drew a blank.

“Loki! Uppy!” Matt cheered, toddling up to him. The trickster god obliged, earning him some happy squeals from the child.

“Don’t bother him, honey,” Mama said, taking Matt out of Loki’s arms and into hers instead.

This time it was Loki who gave John the concerned look. They all insisted it was no bother, but Mama wouldn’t release the child. Ana and John kept pestering her about what was wrong, but she didn’t budge on that front either. Some instinct was screaming for Loki to make a break for it out the back door, but he couldn’t leave you, especially if he didn’t know exactly what was going to happen yet. Before he could voice any concerns, another knock at the door interrupted the discourse.

“I’ll get that,” Mama declared, passing Matt to his mother.

“Did something happen?” John asked Loki.

“Not that I know of, but I have a very bad feeling about all this.”

“Don’t worry, man. We’ll sort this out.”

The room was suddenly filled with a great commotion, voices shouting for no one to move. Ana screamed and Matt started crying while John’s face went white as a ghost, staring at Loki as he figured out exactly what was happening. Loki’s own heart sank as men in heavy, black gear barged in, aiming their guns at him. There was only one thought racing through his mind: He never should have come here. Now you and your family were all in danger because of him.

“Alright, Reindeer Games. No sudden movements,” Stark said, coming into the house in full Ironman mode, the rest of the Avengers close behind. Though, noticeably, Hulk wasn’t there, and Loki could only assume he was waiting outside as back-up, lest he destroy the house by coming in. “Just stay where you are, and maybe we’ll go easy on you.”

“How funny that you think I would need you to. Ah, brother,” he said, now addressing Thor as his mouth involuntarily curled into a sneer. “How lovely to see you. I trust you and your friends here have been doing well. Tell me, are you here to apprehend me?”

“Yes, brother, and I suggest you make this easy and come now,” Thor responded, brandishing Mjolnir.

“Come now, can we not just talk things out,” Loki proposed, raising his hands in a way that one does when they are surrendering, though he had no intention of actually doing that. “After all, we are all mature adults here.”

“I think we’re a little past talking at this point,” Captain America shot back, nodding at the agents, giving the signal to capture the trickster god.

“I see. How disappointing.”

In a flash of green magic, Loki was wearing his armor and helmet, lunging for the nearest SHIELD agent. Knowing that even he could not win against so many foes by himself, he used the sudden movement as a distraction to create his clones. While the so-called heroes scrambled to find the real one, Loki kept fighting his way towards the door, using his royal training and trusty daggers to make quick work of everyone standing in his way. The only problem was your family was still inside, in peril due to the chaos of the battle. He was close enough now to hear the screaming match between them.

“What is happening?” Ana frantically questioned. “He didn’t do anything.”

“Ma’am I’m sorry. You need to stay back,” an agent told her, keeping her from advancing. “He’s dangerous.”

“No, he’s not,” John argued. Then he turned to Mama and shouted at her. “How could you do this? He doesn’t deserve this!”

“You don’t understand yet, but you will,” she said, sounding somewhat numb, but with a bubbling anger just below the surface. “This has to happen.”

“If you will all follow me, I’ll get you out safely,” the same agent said, but the family was too busy arguing to pay him any mind.

Loki, however, was hyper aware of them, and was doing his best to keep the battle away from them as much as possible. He even got rid of a few of his doubles when they got too close. In the midst of their argument, Mama, Ana, and John didn’t notice little Matt slip away. But Loki did. The brave little toddler wanted to help his friend, not truly comprehending the gravity of the situation.

“Stop!” he shouted, using his tiny fists to pound an agent’s leg. “Don’t be mean to Loki!”

Everyone else around him was too focused on capturing Loki to keep the child safe, and underfoot in the middle of this struggle was nowhere for the boy to be. Blasting his current opponent with a shockwave of magic, topped off with a thrust of his dagger, Loki moved towards where Matt was. He scooped him up and carefully brought him back to his mother, who had by now realized he was gone and worked herself into a panic.

“He is safe now,” Loki told her, handing her son over.

Unfortunately, the ordeal had caught the attention of the Avengers and distracted Loki enough for Clint to be able to get him with one of his infernal electric arrows. The shock hurt Loki, but he wasn’t ready to go down yet. With Hawkeye alerting everyone else where the real Loki was, the Avengers continued to barrage him with attack after attack. They were working on backing him into a corner, something Loki knew would bring the battle to a swift end if they succeeded. He put up a good fight, and even got a bunch of good blows in, but when Black Widow was able to get herself up onto his shoulders, he knew it was over. Loki tried to flip her off, but she held on too tight and brought him crashing to the ground where agents promptly grabbed and cuffed him.

“You are all truly more idiotic than I thought if you still think this is a good idea,” he laughed wryly as they yanked him up into a standing position, a familiar ache in his ribs.

“Are you all crazy?” John asked incredulously. “Did you not see what just happened?”

“He saved our son. Again,” Ana added, stressing the last word.

“Sir, my lady, I apologize if my brother has deluded you into thinking he is something he is not. I have fallen into the same trap myself, but he is the God of Lies, after all,” Thor earnestly said. “Your family is safe now, you have my word.”

“Are you not listening?” John said, trying to push past Thor and everyone else blocking the way to his friend. “We were safe anyway. Let him go.”

“John, please stop,” Mama pleaded. “I know you two were close, but it was all lies. You need to calm down and let me explain.”

“I don’t need you to. I know what’s happening, and I know you’re wrong.”

“Stop,” Loki said with a sharp shake of his head, warning his friend to stay out of trouble. “They are all mad, indeed, but you must stop. Just take care of-”

“Loki?” came your frightened voice from the door. Papa came rushing up behind you, placing a cautioning hand upon your shoulder. “What’s going on here?”

“Just stay where you are, honey. It’s going to be ok,” Mama soothed.

You shook off your father’s hand and ignored Mama’s words, darting through the crowd and marching up to Loki. Before your hand could actually touch his bruised and bleeding cheek, a few agents pulled you away. There was no way in hell you were going to make it easy for them, though, and you thrashed in their strong grips.

“Let’s all just calm down now,” Papa said, sounding a lot calmer than he looked. “Maybe someone can just tell us what’s going on.”

“He’s responsible for what happened in New York,” Mama triumphantly shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at the battered god.

“That’s ridiculous,” you laughed in disbelief before turning a little bit hysterical. “It’s not true. Let me through. It’s not possible. Loki! Loki, tell them. Loki...”

You trailed off, realizing that he wasn’t doing anything to prevent this. It was as if he was a statue, just standing there with his head bowed and eyes staring down at the floor. Your body went slack, relying on the agents still keeping you back to hold you up. Now that you were done resisting, they passed you off to John and Papa.

“Loki?” you whispered one last time in a small, broken voice.

“I am sorry,” he whispered back. “My love.”

After a second of silence, the Avengers gave the word to usher Loki out. As he was walked out to the van waiting outside, Loki could hear you wail as if in pain. And you were, deep in your heart as if a sword had been buried there.

“What the fuck?” Denzel said, rushing up to the front porch, of course choosing now of all times to appear. He cast a sideways glance at Loki being pushed into the van and shouted your name, still running.

The door of the vehicle was slammed shut as you came bursting out the door of your house. Though Loki couldn’t hear a word you were saying, he could see you frantically shouting to your ex, gesturing wildly with your hands. Denzel was obviously trying to calm you, but had no success.

As the fleet of SHIELD owned transports started driving away, you sprinted after them, still screaming something Loki couldn’t hear. He turned his face away from the window, stoically looking ahead. He couldn’t resist one look back before leaving the property, though. You’d given up the fruitless chase and were now sobbing into Denzel’s shoulder. The man was comforting you, rubbing your back and whispering something in your ear. A white-hot, blinding feeling of jealousy flashed behind Loki’s eyes as he watched the scene. He looked forward once again, knowing he had no reason to have such emotions. After all, he’d broken his promise. It was his fault your family had been in danger. His fault you were crying. His fault you were hurt.

Not willing to look back again, Loki came to terms with the fact that was the last he’d ever see of you, your family, and the place he’d come to think of as home. He would never go back now. He would never hurt you again.

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jcisthebestfightme · 4 years

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BJYX Song #2: Nan Hai (Boy)

BJYX Song Series List

Okay dd, I promised I will write Nan Hai for you so here we go.

Disclaimer: My own thoughts only. I overthink. Don’t take this seriously.

This song is so complicated to analyze because dd changed the lyrics multiple times. I initially didn’t believe in the lyrics changing thing but I went back to watch the videos carefully and if you look at his mouth’s shape, the lyrics are definitely changed. And “ending CAN be changed” is super clear, which mean it’s not completely delusional to think he changed “thinking of you” to “meeting you”.

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I think I will start with the original lyrics but also talk about why he changed the lyrics at where he did.

曾经意外他和他相爱 (Once upon a time, by accident, he fell in love with her/him)

在不会犹豫的时代 (In a time where people to do hesitate [to fall in love])

To me, the “accident” refers to love at first sight. We know that dd claims to fall in love at first sight and many clues (similar WB post, asking for wechat, handgun etc.) points to dd at least being attracted to gg at first sight. I think for “Nan hai” to fit, we must subscribe to the 2017 meeting love at first sight theory. The reason being dd singing this song first on 3/30/2018, which is 2 days after knowing he will play LWJ but before he got to know gg personally. It’s also possible he already likes this song and then later realize it fits gg and gave it to him. But then that means he’s thinking of someone else when he loves this song so much. And then he gave this song to gg? Wouldn’t he betraying that other person when he willing, unprompted gave the song to gg? This is why I stand the 2017 love at first sight.

The “accident” can also be referring to falling in love or being attracted with a guy. It’s definitely not very conventional and for dd who was only 19 when meeting gg, it must’ve been a surprise. This theme also carries on to the next line, “in a time where people don’t hesitate”. I think this also points to homosexuality in this context because it’s talking about a time where people are more open. The original lyrics probably just refers to people being more open to dating in modern times.

以为明白 (I thought I understood)

所以爱得痛快 (So I loved very straightforwardly)

一双手紧紧放不开 (A pair of hands, unwilling to let go)

I’m under the assumption that gg and dd did not actually stay in contact after meeting in 2017. The reason being that if adding the WeChat is true, then it’s also true they said in an interview that they already added WeChat and never talked. If they did talk, they would try to hide this fact and not mention the already being friends on WeChat at all. With that in mind, I think this part of the lyrics that original is describing a past relationship that he can’t let go of doesn’t fit our story in March 2018. We can only say that dd may be referring to his naiveness and that he “thought he understood” love so he’s more straightforward about his love. “A pair of hands unwilling to let go” may be about how he’s not willing to let go of gg, thus being persistent.

In summer 2019 when dd mentions this song again, dd may be talking about his initial bluntness when approaching gg. We can see in the bts how obvious he is about his adoration. But over time, he probably learned that love is more than just telling the other person. Because of their status and environment, they often have to hide their love so it can no longer be as straightforward so it was in the beginning. But even then, he’s still unwilling to let go of gg.

心中的执着与未来 (The persistence and future in my heart)

In March 2018, the “persistence” matches with dd’s persistence to try to get close to gg. He was persistent about getting the role of LWJ, putting in his picture twice and then auditioning in person. The “future” refers to the unknown that will come with filming CQL. In summer 2019, the “persistence” is his willingness to keep fighting for their relationship even though it’s hard. The “future” at this point has more longevity and is about them spending their life together.

忘不了你的爱 (I can’t forget your love)

但结局难更改 (But the ending cannot be changed)

The original lyrics here is the singer who already broke up with his lover and is reminiscing about their love. He’s sad that he cannot change their ending. In March 2018, dd is probably referring to not being about to forget gg even though they only met briefly. When he sang this song on 3/30/18, he changed “cannot” to “can”. He knew that he will be playing LWJ already so he’s changing his own ending by pursuing this role. Not surprise our little lion cub has decided to take destiny into his own hands and change a tragic ending into a happy one.

In ttxs recording in July, 2019, “忘不了你的爱 (I can’t forget your love)” is the line that he purposefully wrote, and then looked at gg right afterwards. This means that this is the line that stuck out to him the most at this point in time. He’s telling gg that he will remember their love for the rest of their life. Compare this to June 2018 where when prompted to sing the song, he chose to sing the first line “曾经意外他和他相爱 (Once upon a time, by accident, he fell in love with her/him)”. At that point, their love is just the beginning of the story and it’s more just dd falling for gg. Now in 2019, their relationship has developed into not being able to forget each other.

我没能把你留下来 (I couldn’t make you stay)

更不像他能给你一个期待的未来 (Unlike him/her, who could give you a expected future)

那幼稚的男孩 (That childish boy)

The original meaning of going through a breakup doesn’t fit again. But I think the second line refers to homosexuality. Dd feels like he can’t give gg an “expected future” because of their gender. Here, I think he’s coming himself to a girl, any girl, that can give gg what others may call a “complete, happy family.”

He can also be insecure about his age. Since he’s much younger, he’s not sure what kind of future he can give gg. The “childish boy” refers to himself. Dd has always been insecure about his age compare to gg, evident whenever gg calls him a “kid”. (Fun fact: “That boy with a mole” is a homophone here so people joke he’s actually referring to gg.)

你的关怀一直随身携带 (Your caring, I bring it with me everywhere)

无人的地方再打开 (I open it [the caring] only when no one is already)

Here, I think it’s amazing that dd may not have known gg well at that point but can already tell he’s a very caring person. And in my own opinion, I think gg’s meticulous care for dd is what makes dd falls hard for him.

想问你现在 (I want to ask if right now)

是否忧伤不再 (you are no longer sad)

像躺在阳光下的海 (Just like the ocean under the sun)

像用心涂抹的色彩 (like colors painted with love)

让你微笑起来勇敢起来 (Let you smile again, brave again)

Here, there are coincidental reference to gg: painted colors because is an artist and smile because gg has a beautiful smile.

On dd’s birthday in 2019, gg was in Abu Dhabi and he posted an image of the ocean on instagram. The photo was time stamp at 17:52, which is 1:52pm in Abu Dhabi. If you on QQ, the time at “1:52” of “Nan Hai” is the “just like ocean under the song”. I can just imagine gg, looking at the ocean on dd’s birthday, thinking of him, thinking of his favorite song and taking a photo of it and sharing it. It’s definitely something I would do but would be too afraid no one will understand. And gg is known to do this, as pointed out by his solo fans. He timestamp a song lyrics from the album Kepler for his fans (see Analysis of Blue Sky White Cloud.)

想你就现在 (Thinking of you now)

想你每当我又徘徊 (Thinking of you whenever I waver/wonder)

This is the part dd changed from “thinking” to “meeting” when he sang this song (4/2), the day before meeting gg for the first time on set (4/3). This is like fate has given him a second chance of meeting. To me, the way he sang this part is full of gratitude and unwillingness to let go of this love again.

所有遗憾的都不是未来 (All regrets are in the past, they are not conducive for our future)

所有爱最后都难免逃不过伤害 (All love will have some inevitable pain)

不必再重来 (It doesn’t need to be repeat)

This part gives me a lot of hope. The original lyrics is trying to use this part to let go of this past relationship and move on. However, I think to dd, it means that they have a bright future ahead of them that he’s not willing to let go. In 2019, it can mean that whatever pain/misunderstanding they may have in the past year, they will move on to the future together. What is interesting is that the third line doesn’t specify “they.” Is it the “pain” that cannot be avoided or the “love” that they shared that should not be repeated? I think the original song’s meaning is the past love but for ggdd, it’s the any pain in their journey.

现在我只希望疼痛来得更痛快 (Right now I just want the pain to come faster)

反正不能够重来 (Since [this love] cannot be redone)

In the original song, this ending implies that the singer has decided to wrap up this relationship with a nice bow and let go of it completely since he has determined they will not get together. What about ggdd? Their love hasn’t/can’t/won’t end, right? So what did dd do when he sang this song in April, 2018? He didn’t sing these two lines at all! He left the recording right before when this will come up in the song. He basically sang the whole song (the beginning was cut off but it seems like he was singing before the clip started) but left right before the very end. Why? Is it because he knows this love is not going to be in the past? Is it because he’s unwilling to ever let go of it?

You can argue that maybe he stop singing because he forgot the lyrics or that his throat was hurting (you can see him cough afterwards.) However, he was already lip-syncing some parts towards the end of the bridge. He could’ve continue to do so until the song ends, which is what people would logically do since it’s almost over. Probably my own delusional thinking again LOL

This is probably the most complicated analysis I’ve ever done since dd sang it during multiple time points and he changed the lyrics. But after writing this, I believe in their love even more, especially if you think about when and why he chose to sing certain parts and leave out others. Overall, I think this song is dd feeling insecure about his age and gender to be able to give gg a stable future. There’s definitely pain in this song but also a lot of love. Dd, you are the most passionate “nan hai” and will be loved by the passionate “nan hai.”

#bjyx #yizhan #nan hai

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kiki-is-writing · 3 years

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the beginning and end of everything UPDATE!!!

DISCLAIMER: This is my original work. I choose to share my work here and here specifically for my comrades in the writing community. Plagiarism in any form will not be tolerated.

HI EVERYONE! I FINISHED MY NOVEL! Whooo hoooo!!!

It’s actually sort of surreal, I started it in June of 2020 and now it’s 2021 and it’s over! Ty, Jude, Ada, Dorothy, and Madison have been living in my head since October 2019, and less than a year and a half later, they’ve been brought to life! Crazy!!

A summary in case you forgot/are seeing this and don’t know who the hell I am:

Ty Kassisieh has no direction. He’s just graduated college with a degree he doesn’t care about and no clue what to do with his life. Per his parent’s request to be more like his genius twin sister Ada, he picks up a job at a local library to save some money. There, he meets his coworker Jude, who’s stuck in a position not too far from his own, and Ty immediately sees the potential for companionship. But after speaking to him, Ty discovers Jude is everything he isn’t: he’s cold, introverted, aloof, and worst of all, humorless. Soon, Ty forgets all about his initial goal and becomes determined to crack Jude and see what makes him tick.

Ty’s journey of self-discovery is uprooted completely as what begins as an investigation blossoms into a friendship, and then into something more. Ty is forced to confront the feelings he’s been pushing down since high school and come to terms with himself, his family, and the relationships he thought would never change. It’s only when he befriends a young library patron, Madison, that he finally begins to see the world for what it is and figures out how to pave his own path.

Here are some stats!

Word count: 65,900 (it’ll get at least 20k words longer)

Genre: Romantic comedy

POV: third person limited, present tense

Characters: Ty, Jude, Ada, Madison, Dorothy, Diane, Omar, Paul, Uncle Hubie, Ethel

Chapters: 15

Font: Times New Roman (sorry)

This was my second novel, but the first novel where I actually knew what I was doing, at least a little bit. And holy shit, I learned SO much about my writing process:

1. I cannot pants for the life of me. I have no idea what I’m doing without an outline. But sometimes, the outline doesn’t know best. I added a ton of subplots and off-the-cuff scenes halfway through that have no set up, gave up on subplots that weren’t working halfway through, it’s a disaster of a plot. BUt the important thing is that I know how to make it perfect. I know what the story needs and how to get that.

2. Why can I only write in bursts? I wrote like seven chapters, half the novel, in the month of July. There was a day where I wrote almost 5,000 words. And last night, I wrote for 6 hours straight, without eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom (because frankly, I forgot those things existed) and I cranked out a chapter and a half in a DAY. I had such a headache and was very hungry by the end, but it was SO REWARDING.

3. I noticed while drafting is how often bits of my real life bled through. Little anecdotes, arguments, dynamics and experiences. Those who know me particularly well can probably pick out little allusions to either some of my past works, my friends, and myself.

It was 1:00 AM when I finished, and I live on the east coast of the U.S. so we’d just had a huge Nor’easter (New England for blizzard) and I went outside in the middle of the night, in my pajama pants and my uggs, and stood in my backyard and looked at the trees and processed the fact that wow, I just wrote a novel. It was cathartic and beautiful and I 110% recommend standing in snow up to your knees by yourself in the middle of the night. Very peaceful.

As exciting as it is to be done, it’s kind of weird to be ending it. I started this novel from Ty’s first person POV, and he was just kind of another goofy, dorky character that shared my own sense of humor as well as my sense of perfectionism. But as I wrote, not only did I realize that third person worked so much better, but I started realizing how much of me and my own journey as a queer person had gone into this. It turned from a light-hearted, silly rom-com with little depth, a fun summer project to keep myself busy, to the most self expressive story I’ve ever written. I didn’t expect it to come out with much deeper meaning, it was summer and I was on a light-hearted rom-com kick, and life was carefree and silly and I wanted a book that reflected it. And then, school started, and life just descended into absolute chaos, and it was November, and it was NaNoWriMo, and I was writing my novel while watching CNN for a week straight. (But it all turned out great! New president!)

I can’t remember exactly when I started to incorporate my own struggles growing up as a queer kid, but somehow they bled through in the second half. The last scene of the book is (no spoilers) an incredible breath of fresh air for Ty. It’s something I can only wish for every queer teenager, that moment where you can finally be unapologetically and authentically queer without that nagging worry in the back of your mind. I’ve struggled over this past year with my identity, and as Ty found his place, I found mine as well.

Seriously, writing this book was one of the best experiences I’ve had. Yes, the entire time I had a separate document open, writing down every little thing that needs to change, but I legitimately feel excited for draft 2 and continuing working on this project. I think about how much this book helped me, unconsciously creating the story that I needed to hear, and how maybe, in ten, fifteen years, some queer teenager will be wandering around a bookstore and pick up The Beginning and End of Everything. Maybe just because the cover is pretty. Maybe they like the F. Scott Fitzgerald reference in the title. Maybe they heard about it on Twitter somewhere. But they pick it up, and see themselves in Ty, or in Jude, or in Madison. I know every book that gave me that feeling, I cherish them so deeply, and all I really want is for someone to get that feeling from something I wrote. To see themselves in the pages and know they’re not alone. It’s cheesy, but it’s true, and it’s important.

I think one of my favorite themes in the novel is the whole ‘someone’s got your back’ thing. I 100% did not mean for it to go in the way it did, but I was writing this as I was going through some Stuff, some stuff in which I realized that having someone, just one person in your corner can mean the entire world, if only for that moment. And if there’s no one in your corner when you need it, you can be in someone else’s when they need it. Frankly, I love how it plays out throughout the novel. There was always that theme of Ty and Madison sort of being there for each other, but as I found myself in the first semester of the school year building new friendships with incredible, smart, funny people (albeit most of that being online) and strengthening old bonds, it worked its way in, and it fits perfectly. It adds depth and strength to the story I couldn’t have done consciously.

Essentially, it is still the romantic comedy I intended it to be, but it’s also a coming-of-age (except much older than the traditional coming-of-age). Watching some of my close friends and family graduating college and continuing to struggle with their identities and places in the world I think is what truly carved out this idea. Because not everyone has everything figured out as soon as they graduate, and I feel like, as a teenager, that’s something my friends and I really need to get through our heads. A lot of us expect to have everything figured out as soon as we turn 18. But, we’re 18. There’s a lot of life ahead of us, and we can’t possibly know what we’re going to do so young. So I think that was my main source of inspiration for this novel, and I’m really proud of the way that fleshed out. Of course it needs lots and lots of work, but. I like it. The way my personal life bled through and strengthened the story is incredible to reflect on. Honestly, I really, truly, cannot wait to start working on draft 2.

taglist:

@alicewestwater @august-iswriting @lottieiswriting @phiwrites @jennawritesstories @chloeswords

#the beginning and end of everything #teenwriter #am writing #my writing #my novel #writblr #writeblr #writing update #teen writer #young writer #writingupdate #writer problems #writerscommunity #writing #drafting #nanowrimo #losenanowrimo2020 #camp nanowrimo

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littlepikmins · 4 years

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Character Development in the Kirby Series

I wanted to share some headcanons/speculative ideas about Meta Knight, King Dedede and Bandana Dee’s character progression throughout the Kirby series.

Disclaimer: Some speculation in this post relies on Super Star and Super Star Ultra taking place at the same time in the timeline, and Ultra only adding more details about events. So chronologically this post assumes Ultra takes place between Kirby Dreamland 2 and 3 like the original Super Star. Also I haven’t played all the games referenced in this post recently so if I remember something wrong or forgot something I apologize in advance.

Kirby’s Adventure I’ll be starting with Kirby’s Adventure. In Adventure King Dedede breaks the Star Rod into multiple pieces to stop Nightmare and gives those pieces to denizens of Dream Land he deems his friends. These friends include the following characters: Whispy Woods Paint Roller Mr. Bright and Mr. Shine Kracko Heavy Mole Meta Knight This is the first game that Meta Knight appears in and already we learn King Dedede considers him a trust worthy friend. My headcanon on this is that Meta Knight works under King Dedede as his knight and Dedede is fond of him for reasons discussed below. Dedede has been stated to be a self-proclaimed king. Based on this he probably just showed up one day and declared himself king and Dream Land’s citizens went with it. I like to think his reasoning for this is because Dedede had an idea in his head about what kings are like and wanted to be one. It supports a lot of his early greedy tendencies if he had a glorified idea in his head about powerful worshiped kings based on their portrayal in storybooks.

Usually storybook kings have knights. Meta Knight’s past is really too mysterious for me to get into (and I’m okay with that, it’s part of his charm) so for now we’ll just assume one day he showed up at Dedede’s castle. Dedede, having this vision of what it meant to be a king, decides to ask this cool mysterious swordsman to be his knight. Meta Knight was probably like: “Sure, why not?” Assuming he had some reason to stick around Dream Land and staying in the Castle of Dream Land’s supposed King was convenient for him.

In Adventure even though Dedede obviously trusts Meta Knight enough to give him a piece of the Star Rod, Meta Knight assists Kirby throughout his journey to collect them all. Technically Dream Land was unable to sleep with the Star Rod broken, so Meta Knight most likely wanted to assist the person who was actually going to get rid of the problem. I think it’s safe to assume that Meta Knight doesn’t respect Dedede as much as Dedede respects him at this point in time. Dedede is a self-proclaimed King after all and Meta Knight may be skeptical of his rule, especially since while Dedede did stop Nightmare temporarily, he didn’t actually try to completely get rid of him.

Super Star Ultra

I think Meta Knight being skeptical of Dedede’s rule becomes clear in Super Star/Ultra especially. In Revenge of Meta Knight he states he wants to end Dream Land’s “lazy lifestyle.” My personal headcanon for why he does this is because he wants Dream Land to be less disorderly and believes this would be possible if Dream Land had a more capable ruler. Kirby shows up and makes quick work of Meta Knight’s plans though. Revenge of the King presumably happens around the same time and it should be noted in this instance of a fight with Dedede he copies Meta Knight’s fair fighting style by offering Kirby a hammer before their fight begins. He also dons a mask and fights with a more advanced hammer. My idea on this is that Meta Knight explicitly said to Dedede before Revenge of Meta Knight that he was unfit to rule and explained why. King Dedede was upset by this and in order to prove himself fit to be Dream Land’s King he believes he needs to defeat Kirby, which leads to the events of Revenge of the King. He also emulates Meta Knight’s act of giving Kirby a weapon at the beginning of the fight to make it even, wanting to show he is playing fair. In the end Kirby beats him.

Bandana Dee and 64 Waddle Dee

Since I’m discussing Super Star Ultra I wanna talk about Bandana Dee here. I know there’s the headcanon that Bandana Dee and 64 Waddle Dee are the same Waddle Dee. I do like this idea but Kirby’s timeline makes that confusing if the games are meant to be chronological.

Either way I do think a certain Waddle Dee stood out to King Dedede, possibly for his courage, which eventually lead him to giving him a bandana to distinguish him from the other Waddle Dees. After Bandana Dee’s fight with Kirby in Revenge of the King he then begins training to become stronger.

Post Super Star Ultra

Dreamland 3, 64, and Amazing Mirror, happen after this point. Meta Knight and Bandana Dee aren’t around in Dreamland 3 and Dedede gets possessed by Zero. In 64 King Dedede works with Kirby for the first time to collect the Crystal Shards. In Amazing Mirror, Meta Knight fails to save the Mirror World so it’s up to Kirby to find the pieces of the mirror and save him. I want to point out two things here: First, Meta Knight already knows about the Dimension Mirror which implies he could have knowledge on some artifacts presumably created by the ancients. Second, Kirby stopped Meta Knight’s ambitions in Super Star not too long ago and now Meta Knight fails to defeat the Dark version of himself and needs Kirby’s help. This makes Meta Knight begin to realize he may not be as capable as he initially thought.

Squeak Squad

This is where I get more into headcanons I have that might not have too much evidence behind them, but they’re still fun to think about.

In Squeak Squad someone steals a slice of cake from Kirby. Kirby thinks Dedede has to be the culprit and goes to his castle to fight him. After Kirby fights him the Squeaks appear and steal a chest from Dedede’s castle. Dedede throws Kirby at them and they all fall into a chasm. Later when Kirby manages to get the chest back from the Squeaks again, assuming his cake is in it, Meta Knight suddenly appears and takes it before he can open it. It is later revealed the chest contains Dark Nebula. So this raises a few questions: Why was the chest originally in Dedede’s castle? How did Meta Knight know it contained Dark Nebula? The first question could be answered by simply assuming Dedede being a king gathered treasures from across Dream Land and one happened to have Dark Nebula in it. However, this doesn’t explain how Meta Knight knew about a specific chest in Dedede’s castle housing an evil power in the first place.

What I like to think is this: Meta Knight finds this chest somewhere and learns of it’s dark power (like I said he seems to have knowledge on some ancient artifacts). Wanting to keep it safe so it’s power is not accidentally unleashed, he takes it to King Dedede’s castle and entrusts the King to protect it. This is his way of somewhat apologizing for the falling out they had in Ultra, by showing he trusts Dedede with this task. I’m not sure how long the chest remained there but eventually the Squeaks come along and take it, so Dedede informs Meta Knight about Kirby and the Squeaks falling into the chasm with the treasure. And this is why Meta Knight later appears in their location and takes the chest before Nebula is released.

Personally I like to think of Squeak Squad as a turning point for Kirby. Any way you look at it, Meta Knight and Dedede were not in the wrong in this game, but Kirby mistakenly assumed they were. Kirby’s always been very kind hearted, but recognizing that he may have made a mistake after the events of Squeak Squad could be another reason why in future games he is so willing to forgive.

Kirby’s Return to Dream Land Onward Since Bandana Dee has been absent for some time we can assume he has been training. He rejoins King Dedede as the spear wielding Bandana Dee we know and love just in time for RTDL, and Kirby, Meta Knight, Bandana Dee and King Dedede work together to help Magolor retrieve his ship pieces, but are then deceived and forced to fight him. After that Triple Deluxe happens. In terms of character development this game and Planet Robobot are very important. Based on what was discussed earlier, Dedede may still be figuring out what it really means to be a king rather than just having a glorified version of it in his head. In this game, Dedede gets to see the consequences a power hungry corrupted ruler has on her people first hand. And I believe due to seeing these consequences Dedede is even more motivated to become a true and good King for Dream Land. Similar to Triple Deluxe, Planet Robobot exposes the consequences individuals who believe they are bringing order to the planet has on Dream Land. This relates to Meta Knight’s earlier desire to end Dream Land’s lazy lifestyle. While I don’t think Meta Knight meant order in the way Susie and Haltmann regard it, it still shows how a group of people that view themselves as more civilized and advanced can harm the denizens of Popstar. Bandana Dee also appears in these games to assist Kirby. It is important to note that other than King Dedede and Meta Knight, he is one of the only other characters brave enough to actively work against the tyranny of these disruptive forces. Rainbow Curse also displays his courage as he teams up with Kirby to help restore color to Dream Land while Meta Knight and Dedede are unable, having been turned into statues. I believe thanks to these adventures, Bandana Dee further understands Kirby’s motives and sees him as a true hero. That is why he is willing to help Kirby best any foe, because he knows Kirby’s intentions are pure and that he only wishes to keep the peace and protect the denizens of Dream Land from corruption.

Kirby Fighters 2 Skipping to Kirby Fighters 2, King Dedede and Meta Knight working together makes a lot of sense. They both have a strong drive to prove themselves, similar to Bandana Dee. However, they also want to prove they can best Kirby (especially after both of their loses to the pink hero in the past). Kirby Fighters 2 from my perspective shows that Meta Knight now respects Dedede as the ruler of Dream Land. He has fought alongside Dedede in RTDL and Star Allies, and has seen that Dedede is no longer as selfish and greedy as he used to be and truly wants to be a fit ruler for his kingdom. They’ve also both been victim to a lot, in particular in Robobot they are both captured and used by Haltmann and Susie (Dedede is cloned, and Meta Knight is turned into Mecha Knight), and in Star Allies they are both corrupted by a Dark Jamba heart. By now it’s really more beneficial in the long run if they set their differences aside, to best face whatever may happen in the future. Dedede on the other hand I believe always had a great deal of respect for Meta Knight, but he’s still probably happy Meta Knight is willing to team up with him. By the end of the game I’m sure Meta Knight also grows to appreciate Dedede’s drive to not give up, and I believe this is why he is even willing to comfort him after their defeat. Bandana Dee is intended to be the buddy character for Kirby canonly in Fighters 2 based on the artwork in the game. While this could be seen as upsetting for Dedede, it could very well be the opposite. In one of Dedede’s Directory posts on Twitter, he mentions feeling proud of Como (little spider enemy) because he’s now able to fight as an ally and enemy in Star Allies. I’m sure his feelings on Bandana Dee growing into his own person have to be similar, even if he’s on the receiving end of his attacks. Okay… I think that’s everything! If you read this all the way through I want to thank you for taking the time out of your day to do so! Again, I might’ve forgotten a few things or misinterpreted something but I hope this made some sense heh.

#kirby headcanon #meta knight #king dedede #bandana dee #my post #metadede #long post

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punz4lyfe · 3 years

Note

Now you've been asked what you do like about him what about the opposite what don't you like about goh?

Aw man, this is gonna hurt.

TL;DR - Goh’s a completely lovable character, but I have three particular issues with him that I feel could become worse if not taken care of properly.

First off, DISCLAIMERS!! To all my fellow Goh fans, please know that writing this, I do not mean any hatred to Goh in anyway. I LOVE Goh, and if you’ve seen literally ANY of my past anipoke posts, you would already know that. These are just issues I find with his character that I want to be changed for the best.

Now with that outta the way, here’s what I don’t like about Goh:

1. His iffy character development. While he’s doing fine in becoming more open to people and more willing to help Pokemon, his fighting skills are what I have trouble with it. Let’s go back to his first ever official battle.

It was at Hoenn’s Frontier Cup where he used Scorbunny and Scyther against a trainer’s Mightyena. Despite having a type advantage with Scyther, he lost horribly, which is completely understandable. He’s a beginner and doesn’t possess the same kind of street smarts and experience Ash and many other trainers have. Alright then, so maybe this will lead to a change in character of wanting to become better in battles by getting some training with Ash, who made quick work of that Mightyena trainer. Surely we’ll get some development over this topic after this episode!

He beats Saffron City’s Karate Master and scores a free Hitmonchan.

...Okaaaay, I mean, we’ve never seen the Karate Master in battle before, so perhaps it was just another fodder trainer the anime is filled of. I sure we’ll get some more Goh development after thi-

He easily defeats and captures a powerful Flygon.

.....Alright, alright, it was only a wild Pokemon. Everyone can beat those, right? Heck, in the next episode, he technically suffers a curbstomp loss against Kiawe and admits he only battles Ash every so often. Perhaps this loss will encourage Goh to train more with Ash so he could become a stronger trainer. I mean, despite his good luck with Pokeballs, he’s gonna need to be as strong as he can be for tougher mons, like Legendaries. I’m 100% sure we’ll get something out of thi-

He takes down a wild Zapdos and NEARLY captures it.

.........Uh, okie dokes, it wasn’t a successful capture, and who knows? Even though we have not seen him battle/train that much on-screen, maybe he just got a little lucky. Even in the games, it happens to the best of us. Perhaps this barely missed victory will finally give Goh the time to actually development more on-screen so that he could have a better chance agai-

He defeats Oleana’s Milotic, using his fire-type Raboot who only wanted to use a weak fire-type move.

..............Allllriiiiight, maybe Oleana just got a little cocky later on. Plus, Raboot finished Milotic by evolving in Cinderace and finishing it off with Pyro Ball. With this powerful evolution in hand, maybe Goh will finally realize that, in order for Cinderace to reach its greatest potential, he must start training for once and obtain some proper development for a chance against stronger threa-

Cinderace fights decently well against Mewtwo, even lasting longer than Pikachu and being on-par with the more trained Lucario.

....................At this point, I’m all out of excuses for him. Overall, Goh’s development as a trainer is very rushed to the point seeing him achieve numerous victories despite all odds being against his favor to be iffy.

2. Slightly touchy topic, but there are some negatives with his whole catching all Pokemon goal. So Goh wants to catch every single mon he can in order to reach up to Mew, as he said to Mewtwo in episode 46. And yes, this includes Legendaries as well. Unfortunately, this is where my issues with his goal starts. First off, where in the world will Goh keep any Legendary he encounters? Cerise’s glorified garden dome? Yeah, keep Dialga and Palkia, literal beings of space and time, inside a glass dome with a bunch of weaker mons. And speaking of which, wouldn’t catching mons like the Creation Trio or the Island Guardians cause quite the upset in, well, y’know, the natural balance of things? Sure, Goh technically hasn’t caught a single Legendary yet (Eternatus doesn’t count because it had to be sealed away), with how the anime is playing out, issues like this will surely rise throughout the series.

And yes, the anime is playing it out for Goh to indeed catch every single mon before reaching Mew. If you pay attention to the openings as well as many of Goh’s own character moments, such as episode 46, then you can easily see the signs telling us that Goh is bound to catch them all, just as Ash is bound on defeating Leon. In the past, pretty much all of Ash’s traveling companions had their own goals as well, but it’s usually because of those goals is why they leave Ash by the end of their journeys, like May and Dawn pursuing contests in other regions, Brock wanting to become a doctor, Iris wanting to find more Dragon types, Kiawe wanting to become an Island Kahuna etc. Because of that, it becomes up to the audience’s interpretation (and fanfics) on how they achieve their dreams and what challenges they could face throughout the way. With Goh, there will a lot more focus and emphasis placed on his goal, and while this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s too bad there aren’t really any stakes or obstacles in Goh’s journey!

Really now, another glaring issue with Goh’s goal is that he has NO trouble going through with it at all. From his very first fodder capture, all he has to do is get a good throw and then PING! Pokemon caught. Guess the thing of having to weaken a Pokemon first before capturing it has been retconned out of the anime forever. With that said, there’s absolutely no struggle for Goh to overcome in his journey, which kinda makes things boring. Where’s the challenge? Where are his rivals? Are there any doubts? Does he have any issue of having to catch and connect every single mon in existence? No, well then good for him I guess! Sad thing too is that he catches so many Pokemon with so much potential, but they then disappear completely after their debut.

Remember that free Hitmonchan he scored from Saffron’s Fighting Dojo who seemed completely willing to train with Riolu and Farfetch’d? Never seen again. That female Raichu who loves giving berries? Completely forgotten about. That Aerodactyl Goh resurrected and bonded with before catching? Thanos snapped. The Heracross Goh obtained from a trade at the cost of a second Pinsir he worked hard to find? Literally who?

3. And my biggest issue with Goh. The fact he’s somehow on the same scale as Ash.

Don’t believe me? Well, let’s go back to the ending of episode 46. After Mewtwo teleported him, Ash, Pikachu, Lucario, and Cinderace back home, Goh said this: “We’ve still got a long way to go.”

Excuse me, but WHAT?!?!?!

You BOTH got a long way to go, even though you both suffered a complete curbstomp from a mon that would probably even make the likes of Lance, Cynthia, and Leon comparable to Youngster Joey?!?! What the Distortion World?!?! Why is Goh and, by extension, the writers implying he and Ash are on even terms when it comes to being a trainer? Goh, as a reminder, you literally only began your trainer career 45 episodes ago!!

Alright, let’s talk about Ash for a second and what he’s been through since he started his trainer career. Ash started in Kanto, and while he really only fairly achieved three out of his eight badges (Brock and Misty’s were givens, Erika’s was a thank-you gift, Sabrina’s was all Haunter’s doing, and Jessie and James are complete jokes that no one should take seriously), he still partook in as many battles as he could against tough trainers while getting some pointers from the much more experienced Misty and Brock. After that, he went on to become a much more impressive trainer in later journeys. Instead of a full recap, I’ll just list two impressive things Ash has done in each region he’s journeyed through after losing in the Kanto League.

Orange Islands: Won his first official double battle with Pikachu and Charizard despite neither initially getting along at first and then defeated the Orange League champ, Drake.

Johto: Survived an entire forest of bloodthirsty Ursaring with his friends and defeated Gary’s Blastoise with his Charizard.

Hoenn: Helped stopped both Team Magma and Team Aqua’s elemental threats and reached Top 8 in the Hoenn League despite only two of his mons being fully evolved with one being a glass cannon bird.

Kanto again: Conquered the Battle Frontier and tied with May in his first ever contest.

Sinnoh: Helped protect a Riolu from the famed Hunter J and knocked out two of Tobias’ Legendary Pokemon.

Unova: Defeated Iris’ Dragonite twice (Charizard pretty much had the high ground in their fight) and helped protect Meloetta.

Kalos: Defeated four Mega Evolutions (Lucario, Abomasnow, Absol, and Sceptile) and was one of the main heroes against Lysandre.

Alola: Became an Ultra Guardian and conquered the Alola League.

And right now as of Journeys: Defeated Korinna’s Mienfoo and Mega Lucario with only Dragonite right after the two curbstomped Gengar and defeated Chairman Rose.

And this isn’t even scratching the surface, and yet, somehow, Ash is still on the same scale of Goh. This doesn’t make any logical sense, it completely negates Ash’s experience while over-wanking Goh’s, and it ruins any semblance of power scaling between the two. Logically, Ash should be leagues above Goh and the latter should always confide to Ash whenever he needs assistance or pointers, not “Oh, we both lost to a powerful legendary, guess that means we both have stuff to learn and we’re both beginners lul”. It’s like Deku and All Might both losing a villain that’s beyond both of their capabilities, and then Deku saying that they BOTH have much to learn afterwards! Does it make sense? HECK NO.

If they had to have Goh comment about their loss, why couldn’t he say something that would’ve made more sense? Maybe say something like “Wow, I can’t believe I lasted that long, honestly.” And then Ash would say, “Hey, you’re only getting better. And me and my team will always be there in case you need more training.” Have the two acknowledge the fact that even trainers like Leon wouldn’t fare any better than them against Mewtwo. Just absolutely anything that doesn’t completely ruin what we know of these characters to the point the two are considered equals, despite all the evidence saying otherwise.

I’m getting a little exhausted now, so I’m done, but thanks for asking, anon!

And for anyone reading, please feel free to agree or disagree. I’m completely acceptable to anyone else’s thoughts/opinions over Goh and would love to hear them.

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sxveme-2 · 3 years

Text

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Edited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Seventeen: The One With the Dancing

Warnings: Explosions

Word Count: 3026

Ever since Lily was a child, her parents were the one constant thing that never changed throughout her life. However, as each individual Osborne child grew up and grew out of the nest, things seemed to change. Their work became more of a taboo topic, and they'd never share the research they were doing. But it became worse when Lily married Scott. And it seemed as though things just...it was like there was something changing within the lives the Osborne children believed they had. Puncturing holes in that pristine image of Alicia and Abel.

Lily blamed herself for it, as she tends to do. She believed she allowed her relationship to become distant between her and her parents, which is why they didn't talk as much about these things. A part of her even believed it to be a factor from her and Scott’s marriage. She knew her parents weren't his biggest fans, and dinners were always tense. They would always pull him aside during holidays...but Lily never really thought twice.

She didn't feel the need to. She somewhat hoped that the little talks they had were them finally getting along. Because at one point, Lily did indeed love Scott. And he loved her. So she figured that was all. But that was simply the socially naive side of the girl.

It wasn't until now did she realize there was something deeper going on.

"What are you insinuating, Sergeant Barnes?" Abel countered, leaning forward.

"It was simply a question, Abel. I'm not trying to insinuate anything. It's just odd in my opinion, that's all sir." Bucky smiled gently, sipping on his own coffee.

"I-I found it a bi-bit odd as well." Lily managed, heat flushing as all eyes turned to her. She wasn't exactly known to defy her parents or speak out really. Even Bucky seemed taken aback. But she persisted, her heart racing, "I mean I called you a month ago. I figured y-you'd come down before."

Even when it came down to dire situations, Lily had a rough time standing up to her parents. Well, she struggled with everyone doing that. But her parents posed particular trouble for her. She appreciated and loved them more than she could put into words, and never wanted them to feel as though she were defying them. Their approval was Lily's driving motive in close to everything she did. It was one of the main reasons she became a doctor, other than her sheer intelligence and love for children. She wanted to be the absolute best for them, be the best, become the best. Even at her age, standing up to her parents was difficult. Their approval was everything Lily strived for.

The only time she even slightly wavered when it came to standing up to them, was with her siblings. If they were being a tad harsh on Rose for staying out a few minutes after curfew, typically Lily would smooth it over. Cedar didn't do so well on a test and they were upset? Lily reminded them that he's trying his best and that everyone has slip-ups. That was it. Those were the only times. Except for the conversation at the cafe.

"Lily?" Alicia pondered, "I don't understand. We were worried sick we just...couldn't get down here," the blonde insisted, but the twinkle in her eyes faded, "We want to go see him today."

"Mom you're dodging..." Lily whispered, fiddling with her fingers, "Why didn't you come down when he was initially arrested?"

"Mum!" a voice called. Rose. the elder sister let out a shaky breath as she leaned back in her seat, eyes averting from her parents just across from her.

Glancing down at her lap, Lily fluttered her eyes shut. A deep instinct within her knew that there was something going on. But another part of her wanted to block it out. Hide it away. Pretend everything was fine. Act as though Cedar was walking free, her parents were simply environmental scientists, that nothing changed. She didn't like the feeling of change. The uncertainty in the air, the confusion, the constant paranoia. Her fingers began to tug at a loose thread at the end of her stark white dress, fiddling and pulling at it. Until the cool feeling of metal splayed across her wrist, rubbing smooth circles.

"Everything okay, Lil?" Gen asked, pulling the blonde out of her fixation.

"Yeah sorry. Late-night last night." she lied, giving a forced smile.

-----

"Why don't you leave Hunt with Gen and Rose for a bit and we can go somewhere quiet?" Bucky whispered as the group went to stand, about to leave the cafe, "It's just a short walk from here, a block or so."

"Yeah...Yeah, let's do that." Lily nodded along, turning towards her parents who had already left the cafe, after telling the young girl they were going to the police station, "Hunt! Buddy why don't you stay here with auntie Rose and aunt Gen for a bit. Bucky and I have some stuff to do." the blonde smiled down at the boy, running a hand through his hair.

With a nod from her son, Lily turned her attention back to the brunette. Lily felt like the world around her was closing in. Everything was out of place and uneasy. Whether it be her parents, Cedar, or her love life actually having a spark to it. Things just wouldn't sit still. They wouldn't stop for her to catch her breath. Anytime she believed some sense of normalcy was returning, the world threw another curveball her way. She just wanted to get to know Bucky and hopefully open herself up again, maybe fall for another.

Slipping his flesh hand into Lily's, the man next to her gave a gentle squeeze. With a glance upwards, the blonde blushed at the way he looked at her. Those troubled eyes becoming clear when they rested on her fair complexion. She loved the way he looked at her. Those blue eyes staring down at her like there was no one else around. There was no confusion, no pain. Just her. He looked at her, not as Lily Osborne. Not as a single mother. Not the daughter of famous scientists. He looked at her as Lily. The brilliant mind who has suffered through emotional trauma, who continues to fight through the hard days and raise a son. He looked at her like she was the most beautiful, and the strongest woman he had met.

And his touch. Oh, his touch. Ever so feather-light yet meaningful and passionate all the same. His slight hesitation with the vibranium arm, yet never failing to overcome that slight fear. Because she made sure he knew she wasn't scared of him. She knows what he had done. Who he had killed. All the pain he had caused. But she knew it wasn't really him. It was the Winter Soldier. It wasn't James Buchanan Barnes. Not the man who watched National Geographic with her son. Not the person who cooked her dinner. Not the person who kissed her as though she'd break. His touch was the most special thing to Lily. Because he touched her like a human, and she let him with no real fear.

Bucky led the young mom from the cafe, fingers brushing gently across her knuckles as the cool November wind brushed between them. Her long blonde hair gently tossed across her face as they walked east from the cafe, dodging people. Lily had lived in the city for fifteen years, yet had no idea where was leading her. It was to a seemingly quiet part of the busy city, where there were small flower bushes and a few elderly walking about.

"Where on earth are you taking me?" Lily hummed, tugging gently at the taller man’s arm.

Twirling the blonde, Bucky chuckled before tugging her closer to his chest, "Well doll, I'm taking you dancing."

-----

"A retirement home?" Lily laughed softly as Bucky led her through the moth-ball scented halls of the building they had entered. But he seemed distracted, waving and smiling at little old ladies and bright old men. All seemingly knowing who he is.

"James!" a voice called as the two walked through a set of double doors to a large rec room. Lily turned her head to see an older woman, dark skin wrinkled in a pug like way that made Lily's heart positively melt as she smiled, "We were worried you weren't stopping by today. And you brought a guest! Don't tell Mathilda, she may cry." the woman teased, a raspy laugh escaping her lips as the pair made their way over.

"Hey aggie," Bucky greeted softly, "This is Lily- "

"Lily!" the woman, Aggie, exclaimed, lifting her hands up, "The girl you go on and on about. Yes, I remember. She's even more beautiful in person. I'm Agnes, call me Aggie. It's lovely to finally meet you, dear. And you two made it just in time for dancing!"

Before Lily could properly introduce herself, the taller man swept the blonde away onto the beige floor that was cleared for the event. A small laugh left the girl’s lips as she stumbled into Bucky's chest, a new sense of calm washing over her. Gentle music, All About Us by He Is We Lily figured out, began to play lowly around the hall, and Lily felt Bucky's metal hand grip at her waist gently, fingers running along the blue yarn of her cardigan. His flesh one tangling itself into her fingers, bringing the girl close as she rested her frail hand on his steady shoulder.

Where her hand-laid, the slight feeling of scarring was evident through the thin cotton of his charcoal grey shirt. A shaky breath escaped from Bucky's lips and Lily glanced up, catching his eyes in hers. Her fingers gently traced the line across his shoulder where his metal arm met the human muscle of his body. Her deep forest eyes kept his sky blue locked onto hers, as they swayed gently along to the music. She felt the room melt away around her, his eyes keeping her locked in place. The feeling of the scar tissue left a fire burning on her fingers. His eyes looked scared, and that's why she didn't stop. She wanted him to know she loved that part of him.

"I know most people call men handsome," Lily whispered, their noses brushing ever so lightly, "but this part of you is beautiful. It shows strength, Buck." she continued, "I know the pain associated with it. And I can't undo it. But I'm going to help you make new memories to outshine them," she concluded, a new sense of boldness and confidence surging through her.

"Lily..."

"I-I know it won't be easy. You being an Avenger. My current messed-up family. Raising Hunter. But the-there's something here." she continued, squeezing her eyes shut and dropping her head, "And Hunt loves you. God, I haven't seen him smile like that in so long."

The feeling of his hand dropped from her waist, only to place itself on the blonde’s chin, lifting her chin to meet his eyes once more, "I don't want to put you and Hunt in danger...I couldn't live with myself if something happened."

Shaking her head, Lily gave a weak smile, "You couldn't hurt us. I trust you with my life...I trust you with Hunter." she insisted, their faces slowly moving even closer.

"Okay...I won't complain," he teased, a gentle grin on his lips, "Let's see where this goes." he whispered, pressing a loving kiss to the blonde’s lips.

As the music continued, Lily felt something open inside of her. Something...warm. It spread through her body. Whether it was the warmth from her closeness to Bucky or the new opportunity he symbolized. A new future for her. A kinder future. One where she was able to look forward to the days to come. Not dread waking up and seeing him beside her. Waking up and seeing someone she couldn't wait to spend time with. She saw a future with him. A happy one.

The music halted in her mind. There was no noise besides the gentle breaths escaping from the pair. Peace and tranquillity surrounded them. It had only been two months since they had bumped into one another at the cafe, and that day will live forever in Lily's heart. The sneaky glances from each side of the area. Only to be brought together by a certain young boy who now seemed to be one of the driving forces in the two's relationship. Or a future one. And it just seemed to all finally fall into place. Two months can change the entire course of someone's life, and that's what happened with Lily and Bucky.

All because of blueberry pancakes.

A rumble in the ground shook Lily's mindset. The entire building shook, more like it. A shake that Lily had never felt before. It didn't come from below, no. It came from outside. Not too far from the area that they were in. Bucky's hand tightened on Lily, pulling her into his chest, acting as a shield for her. The tv station in the corner of the room switched from Golden Girls to the news, a panoramic view of an explosion. From the prison. Just two blocks away. Where Cedar was held. Lily looked up at Bucky, who had a grave look on his face.

"I have to go to work."

-----

The only thing on her mind was Hunter. As they ran through the retirement home, Hunter. As they stepped out onto the busy street, Hunter. As they sprinted through the crowded streets, Hunter. When she came face to face with Captain America and the Falcon, Hunter. Her face sickly pale, her palms sweating as she heaved. Her breathing quick and her mind frantic. She wanted, no, needed, to see her son. Ensure he was okay and for the love of God, hide him from knowing that Cedar and his grandparents had been in that building.

"Our guess is this is an escape plan," Steve commented, turning to Bucky, "Three prisoners have escaped...Hallea Tyler, Ryan Hux, and...Cedar Osborne." the man commented, glancing down at the blonde next to his best friend.

Lily felt her knees shake. Her mind fell blank. A strong grip around her waist kept her steady, that familiar cold of the metal ticking off the fact it was Bucky. Cedar had escaped. Her parents had gone to the prison to see him, after acting strange. And now Cedar was nowhere to be found. Everything fell into place too perfectly, with too many coincidences. Glancing up at Bucky, she grabbed at his jacket before whispering the faintest word.

"Parents," she whispered, grunting as someone pushed past her, "ask."

"Is there anyone in the building?" Bucky asked, metal fingers running circles over her waist.

"They've identified those who didn't make it. No one by the name of Osborne. Your parents should be okay." Sam nodded, looking down at Lily, "We'll find them."

Her parents being alive was a relief, sure. But terrifying at the same time. If Lily's assumption was correct, then she wasn't sure if it brought her comfort. The idea that this could have all been orchestrated by them fit so well with the odd events leading up to this day. And as much as she didn't want to admit this to herself, it was the only real explanation to why the exact building her brother was being held in after an odd set of circumstances...and them showing up a day before. It scared her, that her parents could be capable of this.

"Hunter...Hunter, I need to get to Hunter." Lily whispered, tugging at Bucky's sleeve, "Please I have to get back to Hunter."

"Okay...yes okay," Bucky turned back to the other two, "I'm going to take Lily to her son. If you need me back here I'm on coms." With a nod from the others, Bucky tucked Lily under his arm and pulled her from the scene of the explosion. One that she believed he felt the same way about. That this was the works of the Osbornes, and whatever sneaky business they had seemed to get themselves into.

-----

Lily's breath was heavy as they reached Gen's cafe. No one in sight other than on the other side of the street. But Lily didn't care. She just needed to see Hunter. Make sure he was okay. That was her main focus. Getting her son to safety and as far from the city as she could. Take him home, keep him safe behind the closed doors of their home. Away from anyone's eyes. She just wanted Hunter to be okay.

Pushing open the door to Gen's cafe, she was met with silence. Only the quiet humming of music floating through the speakers. Her head spun, and a panicked feeling settled in. But she saw the blonde of his hair, and a feeling of relief overtook it. Both Bucky and Lily jogged over to where Hunter sat, and the latter tugged the boy tight to her chest. She was sure he could feel the pounding of her heart, and the urgency in her coos. Hearing him breathe made her feel okay again. She felt at peace.

"Lily we should go." Bucky whispered, tugging gently at her shoulder, "I don't like this."

"We guessed you'd figure it out, Sergeant Barnes," an all too familiar voice called, "Seems you and Lily are quicker than we originally intended."

Alicia Osborne.

Lily shot her head up, watching her mother, father, and brother walk from the back of the cafe. Immediately, she covered Hunter's ears and tugged him into her chest, ensuring he didn't see what was happening. but, she figured this was the entire plan. For what though? Lily didn't know. Whatever it was, it had Bucky and Lily in the center of it, dragging Hunter along with them. Something Lily would kill to avoid happening. But the others seemed to have different plans, as Abel walked towards Bucky. And then spoke in a tongue Lily didn't know.

"Longing,"

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prodigiousvisions · 3 years

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Headcanon/Divergence? [1] (Yosano): Childhood, The Great War, and life after the war.

Initial disclaimer and semi-related note(s)–

So if part of this looks familiar to you, that’s probably because you read it before in its original, rudimentary state. I have quite a few regrets of impulsively deleting my Yosano blog (vivificamortem) tbh due to having an episode, and one of them was not saving the original post of this when I first wrote it. That being said I still think it’s important enough to warrant a rewrite even if I don’t exactly recall the specifics. As this eventually becomes very Fukuzawa and Ranpo orientated/centric, I just want to make it clear this will not apply to your respective muses of these two unless we discuss it. These are considered backstory supplements and characterizations of Yosano and Yosano’s main verse. She does not have mains for Ranpo or Fukuzawa at this time, and I usually... don’t do mains? But for specifics like this, this would probably apply to potential, future mains and warrant mains of these two. If that makes sense. Anyway. This will also include a bunch of new HC details I didn’t have before.

I was going to be mean and not put this under a cut lol but I’ll be merciful since it is extremely thorough and lengthy. 2,300+ words lengthy, and that’s not including this disclaimer. I know I asked people to read this once finished but realistically I cannot ask that in good conscious unless you are genuinely interested/care and actually are into BSD lol. Fleshed out details+conceptualized explanations/characterization below. Content/mention warnings for suicide ideation + attempts, and neglect.

CHILDHOOD

Yosano was an only child. She was not a beloved child, a planned child, nor a wanted child. Her parents would have been inclined to give her away instantly had they not compromised to raise her as a sort of... ‘help’ for the couple’s wagashi shop. It was a regret far before the first sleepless night when she was a baby, but they decided to grin and bear it. Raising Yosano was an arduous task and they made it very clear in how they behaved toward her as she was growing up. Saying that she was simply neglected wouldn’t even begin to describe it. In response to this, as a young girl Yosano developed a loud, brash personality that would more often than not get her in trouble both at school and with her parents. Being punished was never fun, but at least it garnered their attention for a little while before they went back to essentially ignoring her presence. Her adapted personality would not lead to any fruition for her lonely soul at school either, most kids finding her annoying, scary, or would simply view her in scorn for being so outspoken and strange. She began to believe the outlook of her parents: her only use was to be a shopkeep of the family business. The girl debated with herself often what was the worth of life, what was the point to live, if not to live and be frowned down upon at every other moment. Troubled and depressed, Yosano tries her hardest to cope, keeping her chin up but her eyes glued to the floor when in seclusion.

At some point or another Yosano and her parents find out about her ability and the extent of it all. It freaks Yosano out at the start, thinking about how ridiculous it is that someone who contemplated on a daily basis what they truly benefited out of being alive could potentially alter the fate of someone’s life and grant them a second chance. Then for once, she finds worth in herself. It wasn’t something she could actively go and show off of course, but it gave her a purpose. Her dramatized exterior of self-entitlement and loudmouthedness proceeds on of course, but her outlook begins to shift. She has hope. She can do something good for people. And have a (figurative) place doing so.

This new purpose was an open door opportunity not only for Yosano, but her parents as well. At the first opportunity to do so as they are tired of taking care of this child, they’re quick to send her off, knowing how valuable that ability and its potential was. In this case, it was the military (either catching wind of her ability or deciding to now call on her due to the necessary role in their war strategy) demanding for Yosano to take part personally. It was a ridiculously easy feat to get their permission to send her away. She was technically no longer their responsibility while she was away. Hell, they hoped she would never come back.

She wouldn’t. And that was that. That was the last time she ever saw and would be in contact with her parents.

THE GREAT WAR

It’s worth reminding everyone that Yosano was a child, and the gravity of her new circumstances didn’t quite dawn on her before it was too late. At the start, she was excited to show that she could have worth and be surrounded by people that would appreciate her for what she did. It would be the first time in all of her life that would happen. And it is for these very reasons that she has such strong, genuine, sincere reactions during the chapters/times she is midst the war. While maintaining her semi huffy and self-imposed air, she was also able to allow it to falter a little because for once, she didn’t need to resort to that to be paid attention to. In their initial praise, it did freak her out at first, the foreignness being so strange to her. But she appreciated it, she truly did. (Note: this obviously doesn’t apply to Mori lol.) The unnamed soldier that Yosano interacts with at this time especially strikes a chord with her. His kindness makes her think that maybe if she was fortunate enough, she would have liked to have someone like that as a brother. Maybe someone like that could have stopped the pain she’d endured with her parents. But that was in the past! He was lending her more toward the perspective of hope just as he told her that she was doing for him and the other soldiers. The creation of the butterfly clip, again, freaks her out because she’s unsure how to react to kind gestures. It is the first of its kind– a present, meaningful in its weight and sentiment in a way that she would learn later would continue to influence her life in various, monumental ways. His present interest in poetry is also something that Yosano would find herself enjoying, too. At the time.

Honestly, I really don’t even think it’s worth elaborating on Mori cause. Well. That whole ordeal speaks for itself. His manipulation and obsession grosses her out at its minimum / start and would later be the colossal trigger and collapse of her mental stability and lead to lasting trauma even as an adult. But anyways, back to other details worth note in this timeframe.

The war efforts proceed and we reach the point where things are looking grim and soldiers are getting near fatally injured faster, and coming back in droves. She realizes rather quickly that she bit off more than she can chew; to have to bear witness to these men being on the brink of death and quickly ‘revive’ them like some sort of automated robot would, naturally, mess up anyone. Her haughty behavior drops quickly as she becomes more quiet, tired, horror creeping up her body gradually in the form of slowly raising goosebumps. She’s wondering when the war will be over, and starts to second guess her purpose. Is what she’s doing right? But she’s not hit rock bottom, not yet at least, as the unnamed soldier reassures her the second instance. He relays how her saving him would bring him back to his family. He tells her: “I’m glad that you’re here.” And it makes way for Yosano’s first instance of ever crying in front of someone, feeling an overwhelming amount of gratitude to being seen and the need to trudge forward to protect. Protect those who had a life to return to. He’d been living proof of the importance of life– that life wasn’t always so cruel to others, that she had a chance to be surrounded by those who cared about her too. She cries in her vulnerability.

Things turn for the worst. Every day is a living nightmare. She can wipe away blood from her body, others’ body, but she will never be clean of the endless pools of blood that stained her hands after her treatments. Even at the age of 11, she comes to the realization that she is the single force that shackles all these people to the torture of having to throw themselves into battle again and again for futile efforts. She’s on the brink of a nervous breakdown constantly, but consoles herself with the thought that the unnamed soldier will be able to tell her it’s alright, maybe even help her figure out a way to get them all out of there. Yosano doesn’t want her ability, hell, she’d opt to having no purpose over this. She would trade her life for all of these people. She just needed this to stop. It’s all her fault.

The person who was the embodiment of her last shred of sanity and piece of hope commits suicide and dubs her the Angel of Death, and that was her final breaking point. The sliver of belief that providing good for people and having a purpose is ultimately gone. Her worldview that she started to have hope for shatters. It was a cumulative, gradual raise of hope for a better life to have it all smashed to the ground. This tied in with the actual events she lived through, clearly, do not help. Trauma blocks it out of her memory later on, but there are plentiful, deliberate suicide attempts from the young girl afterward, wanting out of this hell that her own hands allowed to bear fruit, but for various circumstances and reasons, her attempts would not work and/or she would simply not be allowed to die at Mori’s hands. She is a hysterical, screaming, crying mess until she is no longer able to cry anymore. If not suicide, then alternative methods. Yosano would attempt to blow the ship up with the explosives that were stored at the bottom – it would have been a far crueler end than prolonging everyone’s destined death, but ultimately fails at that as well.

LIFE AFTER THE WAR

She is apprehended and taken away to an institution where she spends three years in a void of a space, living on earth as if her spirit has long been faded. She is a shell of a person, succumbed to her own despair and doing the absolute bare minimum. Humanity only ever makes itself present in jaded eyes that blink sometimes and the agonizingly slow rise and fall of her chest to indicate that somehow, she was breathing. Living, but not alive. Not really, anyway. She may as well be rotting away, unkempt, unpure, and wishing life would simply put her out of her misery. Devoid of any hope, feeling death would be a start of repenting for her crimes. But it was never that easy. Why would it be?

Ranpo and Fukuzawa rescue her. We all know how that goes. Let’s touch on some details of after that.

After rescuing her, the duo have Yosano reside with them in Fukuzawa’s apartment. While Ranpo and Fukuzawa managed to recover a glimmer of hope in Yosano by rescuing her alone, the hope is discarded as she feels she is unworthy of it and they essentially are put in a position where they have to rehabilitate her. These two people cared enough about her to try to help her– she can see it, despite going about like a walking corpse some days. But guilt is overbearing, suffocating, and it shakes her down with constant night terrors that she is too drained to scream at as well as frequent moments where she blacks out without prompting. At this time, the butterfly clip she dares not to remove from her person is a reminder, a grim heavy burden she forces herself to carry on her shoulders that she was not a good person and that this was her karma and hers alone. She should not forget that no matter how good intentioned Ranpo and Fukuzawa were to her. There was absolutely at least one more time she attempted to take her life. Needless to say, it’s a painstakingly slow process, taking about a full year before Yosano can even start to really improve outside of talking to them here and there.

(I feel like this behavior / state is EXTREMELY similar to how Kyouka starts off as, too, so my Yosano would definitely take to Kyouka more strongly than some others. But that is an entirely different conversation for some other time.)

Once she gets to a point where she can process things again and forcing herself to come to terms with the fact that these two will simply not allow her to remain dormant, Ranpo takes to tutoring her to help get her back on track to where she left off in her schooling, as she was getting stable enough to where Fukuzawa had confidence she could get better. This process was also slow, but Ranpo is quite the good teacher when he wants to be! The endeavor is a success, and she is able to enroll again in public school, where she is still piecing together why she was granted this second chance at life. It feels pitifully ironic, all things considered. As time does, it also grants an opportunity for growth and change. Eventually, she gradually shakes her way out of her shell at snail’s pace. Some days were still harder than others, of course. Getting poetry assignments would make Yosano have full on anxiety attacks where the only solutions of getting her to calm down were to have Ranpo or Fukuzawa at her side, or if at school and neither were present, to be sent home. These instances lessened over time, thankfully, and the episodes would turn to bitter, depressing moments where Yosano would tense up and try to pass it off to Ranpo if she was able in a way that while seemed lukewarm in how she expressed it, certainly held its weight of obvious trauma.

(She never liked to talk about her issues. Never. And instead almost always opted for distractions as her method of coping. It is a major flaw of hers that you can absolutely call her out for even in present time.)

Yosano will never truly return to being 100% normal, but that’s fine, as she really was never at 100% anyway. Schooling in its own right helped her cope with things and served as a distraction from negative thoughts, and she found herself enjoying it and studying harder than ever before. Assisting in the preliminaries of helping around the detective agency also allowed her to grow into the figurative seat that Ranpo saved just for her. No longer did she have to be abrasive to garner people’s attention, either, becoming more comfortable with an occasional snarky tongue when the situation allowed it, and slowly being allowed to live as herself for the first time. It was truly shocking to see that people liked her for her and not the potential of weaponizing the dangerous ability that she had. Once more was her ambition to help people reignited, but it would be done on her own terms. Compelled by her convictions as schooling was coming to a close, she decided that she would go to pursue higher education at a university while formally getting a degree to become a doctor. It is then when she got accepted that her new self would truly shine, becoming as close as she could to be at peace. This endeavor was sped up to lightning fast speeds because of her drilled in skill of being all the more studious and essentially holding the knowledge of what it entailed already.

Not necessarily integral details, but while in university, she did pick up the hobbies of taking up Kickboxing Classes as well as Dance Classes and are longstanding interests of hers that she maintains even after finishing her schooling. These, too, serve(d) as time slot distractions to keep her thoughts at bay when her mind decided to be a little cruel to her at some moments. Poetry no longer leaves a bitter taste in her mouth and is now a newfound interest of hers. She even writes poetry of her own at times. As of present time, her butterfly clip is still a symbol of burden she chooses to carry and a reminder, but it is also representative of metamorphosis, a chance at a new beginning– a new life. That there was value in life, and that you should live on for those who could not.

#unwind the scroll. >> long post.#/ ...what are tags ill figure this out later #/ i always said i suck at writing backstories and stuff and i didnt know what to write for yosano but turns out. i have a LOT to write for #/ yosano. should i put this in her carrd bio? maybe i should.

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