#i will live to make you happy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mahvaladara · 8 months

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"You are my happyness..."

I don't deserve them. I caused them so much pain. I was so selfish and in my obsession caused them so much suffering. I was disillusioned, and I selfishly hurt them, because I was a coward, because I was a monster.

I don't deserve them.

And yet, they forgave me, they love me, they care for me.

"I know the true you, I have seen the true you. You're not the monster you see, or the selfish coward you loath. You're not the lonely and scared boy in the dark, or the hopeless and sad teenager in the rain nor the broken and suffering man covered in blood."

"You're a beautiful soul, broken into pieces and still holding together trying to ammend it's mistakes, take responsibility for them. I see, the bright and curious spirit trying to learn and grow with the world around them. And I see the kind and caring lover, who will always value everything above himself."

"I see my love. You are my happiness."

I don't deserve them. I am so much trouble. Frail sickly and so much trouble.

But I am selfish... So very selfish that I want to believe that.

I want to be their happiness, and I will do everything to make ammends, to make them happy, even sacrifice myself for it.

You are my life. All of it.

#spoilers in the tags #vulnarable tol with strong smol is my life #arlo #fannar #arlo has a hard time coping with his feelings of guilt and there isn't one day he doesn't feel crushing guilt for all the pain he caused #but he loves fannar deeply #so much he'd rather sacrifice himself to make fannar happy #even live when he doesn't want to to make fannar happy #even try to be better to make fannar happy #he doesn't care about himself #just fannar #it's a work in progress #arlo is very psychologically damaged that's why he says he's so much trouble #he knows his mental state isn't the best and that keeping him functional is a lot of work #so sometimes his will to make fannar happy conflicts with his belief that he's a burden who's just weighing fannar down #and that he doesn't deserve him #it's complicated #it's #i will live to make you happy #but alive i am such a burden that i should unalive myself

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egophiliac · 2 months

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(almost) four years in, and I finally had time to draw something for the anniversary! woo! 🎉🎉🎉

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #because i need to talk for a minute about how the plot of the anniversary story so far is literally just #crowley jumpscares us in our living room to demand we make him lunch and yuu is just like 'i need to start locking the door'#oh twst you always know just how to get me #the qol updates though! CONVERTING SINGLE KEYS INTO 10-SETS YES THANK YOU OH MY GOD #SKIP LESSON TICKETS!!!!#3X BATTLE SPEED!!!!!!!!!!!!#SAVE TEAM BUILDS AND SUPPORT CARDS FINALLY AHHHHH #oh and some other stuff too but look i NEEDED these things #also master chef grim! he's so precious!#though he's not going to get a little sporty uniform after all?#grim canonically flies in the nude i guess #no it's okay chef grim is ADORABLE #if you zoom in on his card you can see little smoodges from his inexpert cake decoration 😭#which on the one hand is cute but on the other hand i'd been convinced he'd just slapped some frosting and candles on an actual can of tuna #anyway happy (a few days until the) fourth anniversary everybody!#i've been here since the beginning (preregistered during the dorm reveals babyyyy) and it REALLY doesn't feel like it's been four years #you know what they say: time flies when you're watching anime characters have emotional problems

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knifearo · 6 months

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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts #course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism #being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn #i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus #cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself #into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation #but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy #and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system #you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao #yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic #aromanticism #aro positivity #aroace #arospec #sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon #you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better #life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not #i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao

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redysetdare · 19 days

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enough stories about how someone learns to truely be happy through love. i want a story where someone is desperately seeking out love thinking it's the only way to be happy only for them to learn by the end that happiness is what they make of it and they don't need love at all to make it.

#aro #aromantic #ace #asexual #aroace #loveless aro #loveless #non-partnering #nonpartnering #non partnering #nonamorous #aplatonic #enough of amatonormative tropes in media!!! enough 'you're miserable without love' stories!!!#less “you're too focused on ambitions to make you happy that you dont let yourself fall in love”#more “you're too focused on finding love to make you happy that you wont let yourself live”#more “there is so much more to life than love and so much more that can bring your happiness if you just let yourself experience it.”#maybe I should write this story #and when i say love i mean all love. not just romantic love.#which is why i tagged aplatonic too #while i mostly see this trope in terms of romantic love i think there's something to be said about #telling stories where people are perfectly content alone too #it doesn't have to be sad or pathetic to not have friends by choice. they dont have to be a miserable person to not have friends #i think we need more variety in stories where it shows people just content in their lack of love or relationships in all shapes #not everyone wants a family not everyone wants friends not everyone wants a partner not everyone wants love #some of us are content without. that should be explored without the need to fix it.

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ruporas · 10 months

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the blank ticket in your hand is just waiting to be filled in.

happy birthday vash! (ID in alt text)

#vash the stampede #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun maximum spoilers #trimax spoilers #vashwood #i actually made it... im crying... was devastated for a bit bc i thought i wouldnt had anything for vash's bday!!#but happy birthday to the twins.. vash and knives...#no matter what i was going to make a vash centric post im sorry knives... i have a comic in progress also but it was taking too long T_T #that one would celebrate both of them slightly more fairly! but anyway.#birthdays to someone like vash must not mean a whole lot. even the first one - him and knives were like oh what... cool.. i don't think the #had the chance to celebrate much after that :pensive: and vash probably spent most of his birthdays like any other day so i kind of just #wanted to celebrate him living and being alive - living for as long as he did and the people that eventually made living worth it #keep counting the years vash!!! even if you dont have birthday parties - it's still very very special #quote is directly from rem’s speech in ch 41 also #ruporas art

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elitadream · 3 months

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Reunion time! 😄💕

#I was SO happy to finally be back home that I immediately felt inspired to make a little something for the occasion 🥰#No more prolonged absence - only good vibes 😌✨#I have often entertained scenarios where Mario would be gone for a while #either going on a side mission or thoroughly exploring the realm to ensure its safety #each time returning a bit rough-looking and somewhat exhausted; but safe and content #Both Luigi and Peach would be there to greet him most enthusiastically upon his arrival 🤗#It would be a blissful moment of relief and delight for the three of them everytime #The joy of being together once more would never fail to fill them with endless warmth and delight #It's a scene I've pictured countless times before #The whole concept lives in my head rent free 🥺💗#And thanks to you guys and your AMAZING support I finally drew it! :D #I love them and I love YOU #Mario #Princess Peach #Mario x Peach #Mareach #Luigi #best bros #family #friendship #romance #group dynamic #Super Mario Bros #fanart

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tubbytarchia · 3 months

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I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional

#I know he has a tendency to go deranged on his red lives but idk something about him beginning to lose it after Jimmy died and killing Grian #joel smallishbeans #smallishbeans fanart #trafficblr #Again its his red life shenanigans but... If only Jimmy had known how affected someone was by his death. I'm choosing to believe this #and him then going out like a sad pathetic wet cat even with Grian's sacrifice... He really deserves a win one of these days lmao please #Also I cant stop thinking about how Jimmy wouldn't have left him. Grian was sensible to and most players probs would have #Joel really does become a lost cause so its fair and Grian did still care (and went to say goodbye as well as sacrifice his time for him)#But Jimmy would have stuck by even if Joel were in this state (and they'd both get themselves killed pathetically but)#And Joel having shown such genuine care for Jimmy and concern over his limited time... man anything w Jimmy makes me so emotional lol #I love them so #oh Ig about the art itself. I dont like it but hey thats how it tends to go when you try smth new. And no shame in trying #but if one person likes this then yayy I will still feel accomplished and happy #Im looking at this again and hey its not that bad actually yay I love to approve of my own art. self love hell yea #tubby art

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golyadkin · 10 months

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I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr

not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work

believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody

#not art #listen #for real #this is not about any one person because i've seen posts about it from a bunch of people #you think i post everything here? buddy i dont even post half my stuff here #every drawing you see is preceded by five more just like it #that never see my cursor close to the save button #i have a sketchbook i draw in regularly that i do'nt show to a single goddam person #i make cutout art from gels i steal from work and stick them to my windows and do paintings in my living room just for me #because that it the only way you are ever going to be able to retain your original love of art #is by doing it for the sake of doing it #not for the sake of seeing how many people stop and stare #anyways i'm sorry if this sounds terse #but i'm so sick of seeing artists put all their self-esteem and happiness in the hands of a blogging website #stop selling yourself short by measuring your self worth by how many reblogs you get and what people say in the tags #your artistry and your happiness are worth more than that #if you're an artist for a living that's another story #but even then #even then #anyways sorry i'm done ranting

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months

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Lan Wangji might be an unstoppable force, but Xie Lian has 800+ years of practice of being an immovable object.

(poll results here for context)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #bonus comic #The most resounding conclusion the community came to agree on is thar Xie Lian is bad at cooking on purpose #and is stubborn to the point of refusing to let go of this feature (not a bug) of himself.#though if you practice being bad at something on purpose you do just…get bad.#Poor lan wangji probably had to watch him do horrendous food crimes in the kitchen.#crushing eggs in his fists and throwing it into the bowl or pan (shell and all).#Burning water. Throwing in ingredients based on the roll of a dice. Putting in leaves and cool rocks he found.#He is living his best life mind you. And I think as long as he is happy then let him make his potions.#This is *his* version of art therapy. It just shouldnt be fed to anyone.#lwj would probably try to make it more theraputic after realizing that the bad cooking skills were on purpose. But even then XL is a rock.#he will not do anything he does not want to. Including processing feelings.#Don't idealize that btw. You will do yourself no favours by ignoring hard emotions. Love and peace everypony; Its a hard world out there.#Hua Cheng and wwx hung out during all of this and have since become hunting buddies.#Sometimes its birds sometimes it's each other. For sport.

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sad-leon · 18 days

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what if i gave rise leo BPD...

his anger manifests in the form of self-sabotage and self harm. he asks donnie to sound proof his room when they get to the new lair so he can wreck it without concerning everyone else. before that he'd sneak to the surface and wreck an already messy alleyway

his self harm is recklessness. he gets hurt in fights as much as he can and still get away with just a "please be more careful" lecture from raph

speaking of raph, his oldest brother is his favorite person. so when raph starts to brush him to the side and distrust him, he doesnt take it well. when he does something to impress raph and all he gets is "finally..." thats when he disappears for hours and comes back home with sore arms and usually some scrapes and many bruises

he becomes a medic because they can't ignore him if he helps them. plus he can get better at hiding his breakdowns if he can take care of his own injuries

he wants to be in the spotlight so bad until the spotlight shines on him and suddenly his skin fits wrong

splinter and raph brush it off as teenage hormones. donnie shuts it out. mikey is the first person to realize leo's moods aren't normal, but he doesnt want to confront the fact the bpd comes from trauma, so he tries to support leo as best he can

april doesnt realize how much leo's mood shifts until she spends a night in the lair and realizes that leo isn't as hyper as he presents himself. he tries to mask, but he's too tired and the sudden silence from leo throws april off. it creates a rift between them. even when leo is happier around april, she knows somethings wrong- knows its not quite as genuine as she thought.

she spends more time around donnie than leo and leo thinks its for the best. eventually all his brothers- all his family prefer spending time with someone thats not him. he tells himself its for the better- the less time they spend around him, the less likely he'll be upset around them and end up making them upset

leo convinces himself he's meant to be alone and puts his all into being the team medic and spends the rest of his time alone and dissociating. he hates being the leader- having everyones eyes on him all the time. watching him. waiting for him to mess up- to act out- to prove they were right not to trust him

.... idk.. just a thought

#rambles #hi its projection hours because yesterday was absolute shit #self harm #bpd #borderline #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise leo #rottmnt leo #borderline leo #vent #<- just in case cuz all of this is projection #if i catch anyone talking shit about this disorder in the comments ill fucking fight you #bpd is fucking ass and the only fucking relief is living vicariously through my favs so im gonna do that #leo has a family and is rarely ever truly alone so theres your happy ending #might make him hypersexual as well but if i do anything with that its not gonna be on this blog

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skyshipper · 12 days

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HAPPY STAR WARS DAY! MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

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reenaki · 17 days

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You're growing up too fast!

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xxcherrycherixx · 6 months

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cupid's gals meet

#monster high #ever after high #c.a cupid #abbey bominable #blondie lockes #heartlockes #c.a cupid x abbey bominable #abbey x cupid #theyre both my proud poly queens #cupid is dating blondie but abbey is her ex who she still gets on great with-#-if you know what i mean 👀#blondie is fine with it #in fact blondie encourages it- she encourages Recording it and sending it to her too- she just wants to make sure there's no funny business #thats totally the only reason!#also fuck it blondie is a monster fucker shes a big ol monster fucker with a big fat crush on her monster gf #and maybe a lil one on her monster gf's monster fwb- shh #abbey is happy to have open relationship. why waste time on relationship drama when you can communicate with your partner and agree to kiss #-whoever you want? she's dating heath and he definitely doesn't mind that way of thinking. long live the polycule!#im in a polyamory mood bby gonna blast the orion experience-cult of dionysus and chrissy chlapecka-affection brb #add space age bachelor man to that list because fuck yeah thats a polyamory song i forgot #my art

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clown-demon · 1 month

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Nikolai had hardly gotten any sleep. He was way too excited for today. It was the day of their wedding. And the Earth was smiling upon them because it was a beautiful day. It was warm out and sunny.. Perfect for their day.

He got up and saw everything Dazai had bought him. His cheeks dusted pink. He placed the tickets in a safe place. He was quick to freshen up and get dressed. Then darted downstairs to make breakfast. It'd be weird not to get ready with Dazai for the day, but.. he still had kids to take care of.

@kitxkatrp

#kitxkatrp #hey put on a happy face; then everything will be okay / Nikolai #I don't wanna live a day without you; I just wanna be the one that makes you happy /nikozai #Take it back to the start; I've had a change of heart / ADA v.

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uncanny-tranny · 11 months

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Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.

#positivity #yet another post that's like... thinnly-veiled as being for myself #i find myself freezing with anxiety when i think about the things i used to do (writing especially) because...#...i had felt this force to make it ~content~ and ~marketable to an audience~ and it was so fucking daunting...#...it felt like being a gladiator in a coliseum #even now i fight the urge to equate being marketable to being acceptable and worthy of admiration and praise #i wish i hadn't burnt myself out of writing by doing this because i'm simultaneously grieving my writing and hating it #and it sucks the life out of what makes you feel like a person and it takes the art out of art #so be free! pist your art or don't! you are beholden to nobody!!!#(obviously this is not the case for professional artists who rely on their art to keep them alive)#(and i criticize heavily the idea that audiences are entitled to an artists labour)#(i understand that this isn't universal and if it doesn't apply to you then you don't have to take me seriously)#(if you are a professional artist or what have you i hope you are able to feed and house yourself off of that career!)#(i hope you are able to live a happy life and be able to keep loving what you're doing)

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aromantic-diaries · 9 months

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Sure, anyone can say aromantic people are broken but I can absolutely pull an uno reverse card and point out just how fucking broken you have to be that you don't feel complete or whole unless you have a significant other. People will say shit like "my other half" and how two people "complete eachother" and I'M the one who's broken. Brother I am whole. Skill issue on your part

#aro #aromantic #arospec #if you feel as though you require another person to make you feel fulfilled i don't think you're very happy #even alloromantic people need to learn to be content in their own company and be Okay with being single #finding the right person isn't gonna complete you no matter how good they might be. you have to be able to live with yourself first #not saying you gotta love yourself cause i sure as hell don't love myself but you gotta get rid of your self loathing

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