#identifying computers in asks

[identifying-computers-in-posts]

my apologies for the poor quality, youtube only gets you so far from a show called Screenwipe, around 2006-2008

Sony Vaio VGN-SR190 (2008)

[dodger-chan]

Inspired by this post by @0nemorestranger Hopefully close enough to what you had in mind

Edit: now on AO3

Lost Media

Steve didn’t realize he’d been humming along to anything until the music cut off suddenly and looped around to start over. The opening riff played for about three seconds before it cut off again.

“Wait, who’s humming?” The question came from one of Steve’s younger co-workers. A part-timer working his way through college. Steve couldn’t remember his name.

“Uh, that was me. Sorry,” he tacked on the apology as an afterthought.

“You know that song?” the kid asked. He sounded like Dustin.

“It’s called Plane of Shadows. I think it’s a DnD reference,” Steve answered. “Band’s Corroded Coffin. Haven’t heard them in years.”

That wasn’t strictly true. Every once in a while, Steve would play the tape he still had. Think about that one summer he’d spent as an unpaid, unofficial roadie. Daydream about what could have happened if he’d known himself a little better back then.

Not too often. Steve wasn’t that much of a loser.

The kid came over and plopped down in Robin’s empty chair. She was out sick today, getting over the flu Steve had picked up last week.

“It is. A DnD reference, I mean,” the kid said. Steve probably needed a better thing to call him; he was probably Erica’s age. “Shit, one of my friends posted that clip to this metal bulletin board. We've been trying to identify it forever. How do you know it?”

“They’re from the same small town I am. We all went to highschool together.” Not that Steve had known their music in highschool. “I don’t think they ended up with a record deal, but they did have an EP they used to sell at concerts. I can bring it tomorrow if you want.”

*********

Steve brought the tape, along with the souvenirs he’d saved from that summer. A couple of photocopied flyers. An ad clipped from a local Bloomington paper for a concert. A wristband from a bar that had marked him as too young to drink. Also his Walkman. Steve wasn’t sure if kids still had cassette players now that CDs were everywhere.

“This is so cool,” the kid - Brian, apparently - gushed when Steve handed him the shoebox he’d brought it all in at lunch. “Is it alright if I scan these? And can I borrow this tape? I want to digitize it and share the full song with the board.”

“You can do that?” Steve really needed to learn more about computers. Just not from Dustin who couldn’t teach anything without turning into a condescending asshole.

“Yeah, just record from the Walkman like it’s a mic. I’ll burn you a copy of the whole EP. That way you won’t have to worry about wearing out your tape,” Brian offered. “I would never have guessed you were such a metal fan.”

“I’m not, really,” Steve admitted. Brian blinked at him, surprised. And, well, it wasn’t the eighties anymore, and they weren’t still living in Hawkins. “Massive crush on the lead guitarist.”

“Oh, uh, thanks for telling me.” Brian leaned over and patted Steve’s shoulder. “So you and Robin aren’t-”

“Strictly platonic.” Maybe Robin was right and they should get signs for their desks.

*********

It was nearly a month later when Brian grabbed Steve at the water cooler and dragged him over to his desk, saying “You’ve got to see this.”

This was a post on the Brian’s metal bulletin board:

Crazy to hear from a buddy that our old band is a minor Internet sensation. Thanks, all. If you guys had been around back in the day we might have managed a full album. Or maybe not. Gareth’s parents would have killed him if he dropped out and Jeff actually wanted to go to college, so maybe we still would have broken up in ‘87. Regardless, we’re all thrilled our music is bringing joy to today’s metal heads. As the primary songwriter, and with the agreement of the rest of the band, I grant permission to upload and download the entire EP. We think any money we might potentially have made on it is worth less to us than the value of preserving what could have been lost media. Just make sure to credit us if your garage band turns one of our songs into a hit. Anyway, if you guys have any questions about Corroded Coffin, or the songs, reply to this post and I’ll do my best to answer in a timely fashion. Aside to OP: Is your preppy co-worker who had all our stuff a handsome former jock with spectacular hair? Because I’d love to get back in touch with our old roadie. -EM

“Oh my god,” Robin squealed, leaning over Steve’s shoulder as he read. “Please, you have to give Eddie Steve’s email. Or get Eddie’s email to give to Steve. Or both. Both would be best. That way at least one of them will have the balls to reach out first.”

“Eddie’s already reaching out,” Steve said. “And I thought you said it was anti-femminist to use testicles as a proxy for courage.”

“Stop quoting me when I’m being right, Steven.”

“So I should get his contact info for you?” Brian asked.

Steve hesitated. Real life was not some romantic comedy where attraction was always mutual and true love overcame all obstacles in the end. But it wasn’t like he’d spend the last decade pining. Even if it was nothing more than getting a friend back, it would be good to get in touch with Eddie again.

“Sure,” Steve answered. “Why not?”

[echoekhi]

I’m Declaring War Against “What If” Videos: Project Copy-Knight

What Are “What If” Videos?

These videos follow a common recipe: A narrator, given a fandom (usually anime ones like My Hero Academia and Naruto), explores an alternative timeline where something is different. Maybe the main character has extra powers, maybe a key plot point goes differently. They then go on and make up a whole new story, detailing the conflicts and romance between characters, much like an ordinary fanfic.

Except, they are fanfics. Actual fanfics, pulled off AO3, FFN and Wattpad, given a different title, with random thumbnail and background images added to them, narrated by computer text-to-speech synthesizers.

They are very easy to make: pick a fanfic, copy all the text into a text-to-speech generator, mix the resulting audio file with some generic art from the fandom as the background, give it a snappy title like “What if Deku had the Power of Ten Rings”, photoshop an attention-grabbing thumbnail, dump it onto YouTube and get thousands of views.

In fact, the process is so straightforward and requires so little effort, it’s pretty clear some of these channels have automated pipelines to pump these out en-masse. They don’t bother with asking the fic authors for permission. Sometimes they don’t even bother with putting the fic’s link in the description or crediting the author. These content-farms then monetise these videos, so they get a cut from YouTube’s ads.

In short, an industry has emerged from the systematic copyright theft of fanfiction, for profit.

Project Copy-Knight

Since the adversaries almost certainly have automated systems set up for this, the only realistic countermeasure is with another automated system. Identifying fanfics manually by listening to the videos and searching them up with tags is just too slow and impractical.

And so, I came up with a simple automated pipeline to identify the original authors of “What If” videos.

It would go download these videos, run speech recognition on it, search the text through a database full of AO3 fics, and identify which work it came from. After manual confirmation, the original authors will be notified that their works have been subject to copyright theft, and instructions provided on how to DMCA-strike the channel out of existence.

I built a prototype over the weekend, and it works surprisingly well:

On a randomly-selected YouTube channel (in this case Infinite Paradox Fanfic), the toolchain was able to identify the origin of half of the content. The raw output, after manual verification, turned out to be extremely accurate. The time taken to identify the source of a video was about 5 minutes, most of those were spent running Whisper, and the actual full-text-search query and Levenshtein analysis was less than 5 seconds.

The other videos probably came from fanfiction websites other than AO3, like fanfiction.net or Wattpad. As I do not have access to archives of those websites, I cannot identify the other ones, but they are almost certainly not original.

Armed with this fantastic proof-of-concept, I’m officially declaring war against “What If” videos. The mission statement of Project Copy-Knight will be the elimination of “What If” videos based on the theft of AO3 content on YouTube.

I Need Your Help

I am acutely aware that I cannot accomplish this on my own. There are many moving parts in this system that simply cannot be completely automated – like the selection of YouTube channels to feed into the toolchain, the manual verification step to prevent false-positives being sent to authors, the reaching-out to authors who have comments disabled, etc, etc.

So, if you are interested in helping to defend fanworks, or just want to have a chat or ask about the technical details of the toolchain, please consider joining my Discord server. I could really use your help.

------

See full blog article and acknowledgements here: https://echoekhi.com/2023/11/25/project-copy-knight/

[lvmimis]

cw: izuku has a bit of an embarrassing secret. minors dni. smut.

You feel guilty laughing a bit too loudly, wondering between booth confessions on the reality tv show you’re watching if the crunch of your chips or your laughter is disturbing your boyfriend’s concentration, but Izuku insists that staying connected, your legs dangling over his knee on the couch as you lay and he sits up hunched over a bright laptop screen is necessary. Something, something about body doubling helping him concentrate, particularly when it’s you.

To be fair, he’s sighing so often that perhaps he’s really the one disturbing you, but you drop your bag of snacks on the coffee table then reach over to rub his knee with your clean hand. 

“How far did you get?” you ask.

He grimaces.

“I’m stuck with this particular paragraph,” he starts, and you’re already reaching for the remote to turn off the TV and help with his work document, but he grips your thigh gently and shakes to reassure you.

“Let me just think through it some more, I’ll ask you for help in a bit,” Izuku insists, smiling at you. His smile is wide and genuine when he looks at you, but once he turns back to the computer, the frustration is back, eyebrows furrowed as he starts to bite on his thumbnail. You’re less than enthused, but you decide to let him hear himself think, lowering the volume on your television just slightly as you go back to your show. 

A few more moments pass as he types, then pauses. Finally, he lets out a groan, and rubs his face and you pause your show but before you can ask him any questions he’s gotten up, telling you he needs a quick break. It’s sudden so you don’t go and follow him assuming he’ll be back.

You assumed he meant the bathroom when you turned your show back on and raised the volume slightly, and if you hadn’t made that assumption you’d probably have noticed that the wrong door closed, the one to the bedroom on the left and not the bathroom on the right. 

Five minutes pass, then ten, then fifteen, and suddenly concern sets in. Insane as you might be, you’re familiar enough with Izuku’s bathroom habits to know that fifteen minutes is a little too long, and he’s either still muttering up a storm on the toilet bowl or constipated.

You make your way down the corridor to see that the bathroom is empty but the bedroom is closed shut. There’s a noise you can’t yet identify coming through the other side as you peek your way in, but just as you notice the bright white light coming from his phone, you hear him let out a sudden, strangled moan and through his head back, and quickly you flip on the light before he gasps, and scrambles up to a sitting position, dick still hard and poorly covered by his crossed legs. The hand he uses to cover himself is dripping and you stand there, eyes completely wide as you take in the scene before you.

“... Um?” you start, and he blushes a deep red, strawberry like with the dotted freckles on his unscarred cheek.

“Listen, I can explain!”

You blink, but walk over to him, and tilt your head as you climb onto the bed next to him, shoulder to shoulder, and look at the mess now on your bed sheets.

“Go ahead, I’m listening.”

You’re in no way upset, simply… curious.

Izuku swallows thickly, then laughs. 

“It helps me concentrate.”

You raise your eyebrow, but it’s not an unreasonable thing he’s suggesting. Looking over at his phone placed aside him, you realize he’s looking at one of your pictures, not even one of the sexier ones you’ve taken to spice up one of his days on patrol, but a candid of you at the cafe down the street for brunch last week.

You can’t help but stifle a laugh.

“So masturbating to a picture of me having pancakes helps you concentrate,” you repeat slowly, and he reddens even deeper. “To be honest, it’s so on the nose, I’m going to have to check your browser history because no way you love me this much,” you say laughing a bit louder.

“Stop making fun of me,” he whines, but you only laugh harder, then lean into him and give him a kiss on the cheek.

“If you wanted to have sex, I would have stopped my show, by the way,” you insist. One of your hands finds its way up his shirt, ignoring just the few drops of sticky semen that have made their way onto his lower belly and trailing up. His flush is different now, extending further down his body, and he looks at you for a moment, contemplating before pressing his hand over yours.

“I didn’t want to disturb you, you looked comfortable.”

You snort.

“When would I pass on a good fuck?”

He pulls his lower lip behind his teeth gently as you move back down his chest, gliding all the way to the base of his cock. He shudders and closes his eyes.

“I don’t want to use you for that purpose.. It just feels disingenuous.”

Your head lowers and the kitten lick you offer on his still sticky tip practically makes his cock jump. You giggle, then look back up at him.

“You’re allowed to use me however you want,” you remind him. Your fingers close around him more, sliding up and down the shaft once before letting your tongue run up your palm. 

Clearly you’re messing with him at this point. 

“___,” he whispers your name, and you can tell he’s cooked. You bat your eyelashes gently.

“It was meant to be quick…” he adds, but he’s losing ground more and more every second, and you’re about to bob your head down again. “I… I want to make sure that when we’re having sex, I can take my time with you instead of worrying about this damn dead- oh.”

You’ve taken him down to the base, your nose pressed against his pelvic bone, and his hand finds its way to cradle the back of your head. Sucking up and down gently and slow, you let your tongue twirl around the head again before you pull back, and grin at him.

“We can still be quick...” you offer. 

From the look on his face, any circulation to his brain that could be used for writing is now down to that thick, strong cock just inches from your face. His mouth practically waters as he looks at you, in a stupor.

You barely see him move before he’s on top of you, and you gasp before you laugh.

“You’re right, this is a far better option.”

You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Let’s see how fast you can make me cum and clear both of our heads.”

[effinbirds]

Your pal Effin' Birds did a cover for issue #5 of Sweet Paprika: Open For Business, out June 4th from Image. Tell your local comic book shop that you want Cover D, aka the Dog In Heaven cover, order code 0425IM410. https://imagecomics.com/comics/releases/mirka-andolfos-sweet-paprika-open-for-business-5-of-5

Huge thanks to Steve Orlando for wanting me on this project, and to Mostafa Moussa for his inks that pulled the whole thing together.

Here's me 'n Mos at Dragon Con last year, when he delivered the finished inks. Feel free to identify my excellent cosplay.

Here's the lucky Effin' Birds fan (whose name I do not remember and I feel really bad about it) who snagged the original just hours hours after I saw it for the first time.

And here's a photo from last summer at Freddy Beach Fan Fest in New Brunswick, Canada, where, if you look closely, you can see me figuring out the dog.

computer, enhance

TECH NERD SHIT: Someone is gonna ask, so that's a ReMarkable 2 with a Staedtler Mars Lumograph Digital stylus. This was my go-to combo for both writing and drawing until recently when I upgraded to a ReMarkable Paper Pro. It's an upgrade in almost every way: colour, storage, speed, battery life. I'm a little bummed that the Paper Pro uses a proprietary stylus, though, because one of the joys of the 2 was this wide world of input devices that have different feels in the hand and different tactile feedback (harder and softer tips, different barrels, etc). The combo of the Staedtler barrel, a hard Mitsubishi / WACOM tip (stolen from the Mitsubishi Hi-Uni Digital stylus, my second-favourite, just a little too short for my big hands), and the pebbled glass of the ReMarkable 2 convinced my body that I was working with a pencil on paper and made me instantly comfortable.

[jubshead]

𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐤

Paring: Mentor!Lilia Calderu x Reader

Summary: With volatile and unpredictable magic you never know what can happen.

A/N: Still grasping how to write Lilia, so I hope it’s in character!

This isn’t beta read and english isn’t my mother language, so bear with me.

I hope you guys like it, let me know!!

Warning: Accidental magic, Magic cock, Blow jobs, Vaginal sex, Creampie, Large dick

Word count: 3.7k

Date: Nov 09, 2024

Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome!

Masterlist | Taglist | Read on ao3

Tag list: @yourbasicqueerie @mgruiz @yippie-kai-gay @confuseuniverse @aggieharkness @thesharkwhalewhoohooooo @walkethisway @honkhonktheslutshere @ratsnestinmyhair @audreylise @kenzie-floops @pattiluponespopcornmaker @moonlightprincess696 @trindad2k @etherynn @astrxinze

─────── ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ───────

The kettle makes a hissing sound, the boiling herbs fill the room with a sweet scent and the morning sun shines into the stove. The gray haired witch hums a tune under her breath and walks around the room, collecting more ingredients for the tea. She feels freshness in the air, an inkling that something good is about to happen. 

Sundays are always calm, she closes up the shop for the day and entertains her apprentice. You’ve been working under Lilia’s guidance for a month, being the only witch in your family meant that no one could teach you. You were lucky enough to stumble upon her one day when browsing on your computer. 

You aren’t a divination witch, you still don’t know what your deal is, but your magic is volatile and unpredictable. Lilia teaches you with the best of her abilities, and that is more than you could ask for, you look up to her and dream of reaching her level of wisdom. 

As you enter the shop, you hear her moving around in the back. Walking into the room, you halt when the tarot reader stops in her tracks. Her entire body freezes and she lets out an unrestrained moan in the middle of the kitchen. 

Pursing your lips, you wait for her ‘episode’ to end.

“Hi.” You let out timidly, standing by the bead curtain. 

She turns around, wide eyed and arms raised in the air. 

“Are you alright?” You ask, concerned. 

She waves you off with a flick of her hands, facing the stove once again. Her visions always seem to sour her mood and leave you anxious, more times than not, she doesn’t know what they mean.

Passing the strap of your bag over your head, you place it on the squared table before heading to the counter. Resting your hip against it, you observe Lilia grab the kettle with a towel clad hand. 

“Do you want some tea, doll?” She pours it in two mugs before waiting for an answer, you nod either way. 

She passes you the ceramic cup and you rapidly grab into the handle when it burns you. The aroma hits your nose and you groan. Lilia always makes the best beverages and this time you smell a blend of lavender, lemongrass, and a few other herbs you couldn’t quite identify. The taste is as divine as the scent. 

“How have you been this week?” She leans next to you. 

“I’ve been fine.” You tell her uncertainty and amends. “There have been a few accidents…nothing I couldn’t handle, though.” 

She hums into the mug as she takes a sip. 

“And those ‘accidents’ were?” She probes.

Swallowing the liquid, you hide your face behind the cup.

“Okay. Let's start then. The sooner you can control your magic the better.” She walks past you, her robe fluttering behind her. 

Leaving the empty cup in the sink, you follow her to the middle of the room. 

“Did you practice what I told you?” She asks patiently. 

“Hum…” You hesitate. “I did.”

“And?” All her weight shifts to one leg as she places a hand on her waist.

“Well, it worked!” You exclaim, trying to lay her off. She raises her eyebrows, waiting for you to continue. “To a certain extent…”

“Okay.” She takes a breath in and straightens her spine, arms at her side. “Show me.” 

Transfiguration. 

You’ve moved beyond learning how to change the corporeal form of an object, and have now evolved to modifying the physical appearance of yourself and others. What she’s teaching is pretty basic, but for someone who didn’t know she was a witch for most of her life, it’s hard to grasp, especially with a temperamental magic like yours.

Closing your eyes and concentrating, you feel goosebumps rise up on your skin as your magic flows through you. When your powers are under control, they feel like a waterfall being released, spreading over your body and consuming you. Outbursts were a very different story.

Opening your eyes, you see your mentor gently smiling at you. 

“Good, that’s good.” She praises, and you break into a huge grin. 

Receiving her approval is something that always warms your insides. 

Grabbing your hairs ends, you observe the change in color. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but it was enough for you to see your improvement. You turn the purple strands back to their natural color. 

“Great. My turn.” She says encouragingly. 

Pressing your tongue against your lips, you grimace at her.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

“You have to learn.” She tells you firmly before adding. “As a witch, you must know how to defend yourself.”

You blink at her. 

“Relax, baby. Anything you throw at me I can reverse.” 

Your brain short circuits at the pet name.

That was probably your downfall. Lilia always tells you true witchcraft takes time and concentration, especially for beginners. 

Her expectant face makes you close your eyes, and let the magic flow through you again, but this time it's different. Your head thinks of nothing else besides Lilia’s voice and how she called you, you can’t focus on your intention and you feel the spell going wrong before it’s completely finished. In an attempt to join your jumbled thoughts and the power running over your skin, you imagine Lilia with longer fingers. 

It doesn't seem to work because in a few seconds you hear a screech.

“Divine Mother.” 

Peaking through one eye, you first glance at her face, her reaction making you expect a major change in her appearance. She looks the same, her hair still tied up, her nose doesn’t look bigger like some sort of wicked witch and her eyes remain the same color, the only thing you notice is her shock. 

Her arms are raised breast level and that’s the next thing you look at. Expecting sausage like fingers, you’re surprised when you’re met with her usual handful of rings. 

“What?” You frown. 

Your gaze drifts over her figure and that’s when you notice the bulge in her skirt. 

Squinting, you almost crouch down to get a closer look. The thing is huge, cylindrical and pressing forward, clearly constricted by something. It takes a moment for your brain to catch up with what’s in front of you and you stare long enough for Lilia to clear her throat. You glance up and it dawns on you. Oh, god. 

“What were you thinking about when you did the spell?” You gape like a fish out of water.

Was she honestly continuing the lesson as if this wasn’t happening?

“Well, I wasn’t…I wasn’t thinking about that.” You gesticulate widely, a blush rising in your cheeks. 

She pinches the bridge of her nose and sways. The movement makes her skirt brush against the hard on and you gulp when your vision is automatically drawn to it.

“Concentrate.” She tells you firmly and you meet her eyes, pursing your lips.

“Why are you losing? That’s a simple transfiguration spell, you can undo it. You just told me that!” 

“No, it isn’t.” She speaks calmly, noticing she’s making you anxious. “This is a magical penis, a much more advanced incantation. You shouldn’t be able to do this at this stage.”

“Okay…?”

“There’s no way I can make this go away.” She speaks to you like someone does to a child. 

“What?” You ask, agitated. 

“Advanced magic, harder to undo.” She tells you simply. “There’s only two ways to get rid of it. The caster has to be the one to take it away.”

“Well, let's do it. It’s not that difficult, right? I’ve already put it there.” You respond with renewed energy, waving at her crotch.

This is not going to be a bigger problem than it should. 

“No, it’s not easy. You did this by accident.” Your sight strays to it again and it looks like it’s staring right back at you. “You need to focus this time, so you can do it consciously.” 

You hum absently before closing your eyes. The problem is: the image of that monster is buried in your brain. You focus on it, but the only thing that crosses your mind is its size, what it would be like to have it throbbing in your hands, pounding into you...

“Stop, stop, stop.” Lilia huffs in front of you, turning around and sitting on the armchair.

“What, what is it?” You follow her and stand by her side, she rests her forehead on her propped hand, eyes closed.

“You made it bigger.” She tells you pointedly. 

The penis really does seem magic, it hypnotizes you and you can’t take your eyes off it. Whenever you notice Lilia isn’t looking, you glance down, partially seeing the bulge covered by her dress and robe. 

Wetting your lips, you ask. “Well, what is the other way?” 

“Huh?” She’s clearly lost in thoughts. 

Moving to perch in front of her, you focus on her face. 

“You said there are two ways to get rid of it. We tried the first one, what is the second?” 

She presses her lips and you wait. 

“It needs…release.”

“Oh.” You slowly back away towards the door. “I’ll leave and you can…y’know?” You finish by making a lewd motion. 

She narrows her eyes, you stop dead in your treks. A small breeze fills the room as you linger, sensing there’s something more.

“It needs to be sheathed.” She pauses. “Climax inside something.”

You take a deep breath before asking. “Is there…Is there someone who can help you?” 

God, you didn’t know anything about her personal life. Meeting every sunday meant you’ve only seen each other about four times, and there couldn’t be a worse situation to ask her that. 

“No.” She tells you and, by the way she answers, you refrain from making any more questions. 

The morning sun shines over the room, in the distance you hear cars passing by on the street and the silence hangs as you stare at each other. 

You are embarrassed to admit, but it doesn’t take long for you to reach a decision. As much as you try to fool yourself by claiming that you wanted to help because you were the one who put her in this situation, you know it’s bullshit. Lilia has you on her hands, you’ve been attracted to her from the start and there weren't enough words to describe what she does to you. 

Watching as she looks up, praying to her goddess, you move. She brings her head down to follow you with her eyes as you kneel in front of her. 

“What are you doing?” She asks you seriously. 

“I’m helping you.” You respond, lightly placing your hands on her calves. 

Her palm rests on your cheek and you lean into it. 

“You don’t have to do this.” 

“I want to do it. It's my fault you’re like this.” Seeing the hesitation in her face, you grab her wrist. “Please, let me.” 

She stares you down and gives you a tight smile. 

“I- Are you sure?” 

You nod more excitedly than you should, the eagerness accidently showing on your face. 

She doesn’t say anything else, so you take it as a ‘yes’. Her body is leaning forward, her elbows resting on the arms of the reclining chair and you feel how tense she is. The bulge is right in your face and with trembling hands you roll up her skirt. 

The gasp that leaves you is involuntary. Butchin her dress at the waist, you take a moment to look at it. It’s mostly constricted by her underwear, but you can clearly see how big it is. You take a deep breath before pulling her panties down.

You stare open mouthed. The length is as white as her skin, the head is a light pink and a few gray hairs dust her balls. It weirdly matches her and stands proudly in front of you. The hard on seems painful. 

A monster indeed.

“This looks uncomfortable.” You mumble, unable to take your eyes off it. 

“It is.” A constrained chuckle follows the statement. 

Biting your lips, you wonder how to approach this. You’ve never been a blowjob type of girl, when you used to date men you always avoided as much as you could, and even when you did it, it wasn’t enjoyable. This feels different, though. Your underwear is already wet just by thinking about it. 

Your mentor clears her throat and you peer up at her. 

“You don’t have to do this.” Her hand runs through your hair. 

“Lilia, relax.” You tell her forcefully and grab her thighs. 

One of your hands circles it and her hips buckle, palms fly back to the armchair and nails bite into the fabric as you slowly start to move. By the way it looks, it won’t take long for her to come and a feeling of disappointment dawns on you. It makes sense for a magical penis to be ready for action, but you wish you could take your time with it.

Running your thumb from the base all the way to the head, you collect the pre-cum in there before pushing it back and making the same path with your tongue. Lilia groans and you feel her tension melting a notch. You replace your fingers with your mouth, licking the bead before swallowing it whole. 

It doesn’t take a genius to notice that this thing isn’t going down your throat without choking you, so you focus on what you can do. Taking as much as you can, you make up for the rest with an unclosed fist, using just the right amount of pressure so as to not hurt her. 

Sucking tentatively, you hear a moan and look up. Lilia’s eyes are close, mouth open as her chest rises rhythmically with her anticipated breath. Her fingers are white from the grip, and you realize she’s holding herself back from grabbing your head and forcing you down. 

You groan over the cock and bob around it, your palm going to her balls and massaging them. Eyes fixated, you watch her every reaction as she stiffens under you. 

You feel your arousal beneath your own skirt, it clings to your core and you refrain from using your free hand to touch yourself, compensating by placing your heel under you and matching the movement of your hips with the one of your head. 

Taking a moment to breathe, you feel hands sweeping through your bangs. Glancing up, your eyes meet your mentor’s and you blush when she grabs your hair like a ponytail, taking it out of your face. 

“You’re doing great, doll.” Her voice is husky, you squirm against your feet. 

God, this is not helping. 

You swallow at the praise and focus on your job. Still looking into her eyes, you descend and take it as much as it goes, swirling your tongue around it and bouncing as fast as you can. She tugs your hair harder and you whine against her skin, the vibration making her tear her eyes away as she throws her head back, letting out unrestrained moans as slurping sounds leave your mouth. 

Grinding your hips against your heel, you feel yourself getting wetter by the second and curse for having to take care of it alone. Her groin starts to move in its own accord, she doesn’t even seem to notice as her crotch drives up and harder into your mouth, you swallow and swallow against her, focusing on your breath and controlling the rhythm. She isn’t forcing your head, just holding it and that’s fine, it’s hot that she doesn’t want to hurt you.

Drool starts to drip down your chin and you moan louder against her, feeling the erratic movement against your clit picking up speed alongside your head. You close your eyes and take in both sensations. After all, it isn’t everyday that you get to suck your mentor’s dick. 

You force your head back and inhale deeply, the faster the movement, the harder it is to breathe. Your hand continues the work and the other one joins in, circling her head and pressing it. 

Pushing her cock closer to her skirt, you go down to her balls, sucking one into your mouth and sooner than you expected, her whole body tightens. She lets out a loud moan and her nails sink into your scalp, you quickly try to catch her climax in your mouth before it’s too late. 

An inch away, you feel a sticky consistency gushing onto your face, landing inside your mouth all the way up to your forehead. 

You grimace and lick your lips, tasting the saltiness of her cum. 

Passing your finger over your eyelids, you sculpt most of the liquid and open them when you hear a ‘thud’ above you. Lilia banging her head against the armchair. 

“Goddammit.” Her chest rises and falls with her erratic breath, there’s a red hue on her cheeks. 

“Sorry.” You mumble.

“It’s not your fault. I should have warned you.” She looks down and shock flashes across her face. 

You must be quite an image with cum stuck in your hair and dripping down your face. She stares at you for a long time and you squirm, taking your heel out from under you before anything else happens. 

“We can try something else.” You whisper. 

“No, love. You’ve already helped more than you should. I don't want to force you a second time.” She runs her thumb over your cheek, vaguely attempting to tidy you up. 

“You didn’t force me, and I’ve told you before that I don’t mind.” Emphasizing your statement, you grab her wrist and bring her finger to your mouth, sucking, licking and moaning around it. 

Her pupils blow hide and she turns serious, following your movement as you stand up in front of her, lifting your short skirt and straddling her lap. 

She stares at you, eyes slightly wide and lips parted. The erection stands between you, a magic cock apparently only goes down once it services its purpose. Your wet underwear touches her thighs and a beat passes before you gather enough courage to lean forward. 

Grabbing her neck, you give her time to pull away. Surprising you, she grabs your wrists and pulls you forward, crashing your mouths together. Moaning, you let her tongue guide the rhythm, she makes slow movements, exploring your mouth like she wants to taste as much as she can. The kiss is languid and teasing, she takes her sweet time and you begin to rub your soaked core against her legs.

Separating, you watch as she licks her lips, looking at you like she wants to eat you alive. You brush your underwear against her cock and she groans, grabbing your waist. You’re so painfully turned on that you don’t even wait for her to say anything before you reach down and push your panties aside. 

Rubbing against the hard cock, you try coating it with as much of your wetness as you can. It’s been a while since you had anything this big inside you, if ever. It looks a lot bigger than the ones you’ve seen, your hand hadn’t closed around it before. 

It’s going to be a stretch. 

You take a deep breath before raising up on your knees, you brush the head against your entrance and Lilia’s grip hardens. Sinking down on the tip, you pause, licking your lips before continuing. You take it half way in before stopping. This shit wasn’t only wide, its length was something you had never seen before.

Noticing your struggle, the gray haired witch leans forward, attacking your neck and sliding your shirt straps down. Her hands run from your waist to your breast, her fingers pinch your nipples and you moan, feeling wetness stick to your thigh before your core swallows more of her skin. 

Slowly sitting, you feel your center stretching before your ass finally meets her balls. You halt, adjusting to the sting. Lilia’s work on your tits helps. Your spine is slightly curved as she grips your ribs and her mouth bites and sucks your chest. You feel hickeys forming in your neck and you can bet she did it on purpose, you’d have to walk around with those purple marks for about a week. 

She runs her tongue over your nipple while her hand massages your other breast. You begin to slowly grind your hips in circles motion, a vibration reverberating through your chest as she moans. 

Accepting the pain as pleasure, you lift yourself once and then lower. Your mentor stops her work and bites into your neck, hands gripping your waist tightly as she helps you with your movement. 

You’re so desperate that you can’t even tease her, after trying once, you continue, picking up speed with Lilia’s assistance. You’re both so aroused you can feel your orgasm building up rapidly. Throwing your head back, you moan without restrain, mirroring your mentor’s groans against your neck. Her arm circles your hip and she slams into you, meeting you halfway. 

Her cock is so big, you can feel it beating against your cervix and hitting all the right places as it fills you up. Her free hand goes down and finds your clit easily, rubbing in circular motions. You let out a cry and your movements become erratic, determinedly chasing your release as your walls grip her. 

She’s clearly holding back and when your movements become sloppy as your body goes rigid, she lets go. You both come together, ragged breaths mingling and sweat clinging to your foreheads. 

You feel her cum filling you up, the hot liquid doesn’t seem to stop and you kiss her once more as she spurts inside you. This time the kiss is faster, harder as you pull her hair and whine against her when she grabs your ass and accidentally rubs your clit against her skin. 

The cum starts to run down your thighs and wet the fabrics between you, her cock still throbs inside and you feel her balls shrinking in size. There’s an absurd amount of fluid and you groan against the kiss, the cum making you excited once again. 

Pulling back, you focus on the feeling of her cock decreasing inside you as it disappears, you instantly miss the feeling of fullness. 

Kissing her for a third time, you calmly run your tongue against hers as you replay all this morning's events. Thanking your magic for the mishap, your eyes widen when you remember something important. You pull back.

Licking your suddenly dry lips, you frown at her and whisper. 

“Should we have used a condom?” 

Her mouth drops open. 

[polarmoon]

🪐 oasis springs aerospace is hiring!

OASIS SPRINGS AEROSPACE (OSA) is an aerospace startup located in oasis springs, arizona. we are seeking to form a small, diverse team of new graduates with backgrounds in physics, biology, and computer science. if you are interested in aerospace mechanics, astrobiology, or astrophysics, apply today!

this is a public call for sims to join my occult legacy save!

i'm looking for 7 sims to become christopher's coworkers + more sims to populate oasis springs.

submissions will be open until june 15th.

🌴 more info under the cut!

📝 guidelines

young adult human sims only!

i am looking for sims that are engineers, biologists, and computer programmers that would be interested in working in aerospace. you can get creative, but try to stay within those niches!

please write a small biography about your sim! it will help me select who i think will be best for the job. you don't have go super in depth, but their bio will help me select the final sims :)

you don't need to set your sim up with degrees or skills or anything if you don't want to! i can do all of that in game myself.

💌 how to apply

simply make a post introducing your sim and tag me in the post! feel free to send me an ask telling me you posted one, just in case tumblr eats the notification.

i will contact you via askbox after the post goes up and we'll organize a private download, so make sure your ask is open! i will be downloading every sim that is submitted.

i will reblog every submission under the tag #deanOSA

⭐ selection process

the deadline for submissions is june 15th, 2025. sorry for the short window - i'm really excited to play asap lol. i'll be selecting the sims and posting about them sometime before june 21st, 2025!

i will be selecting 7 sims to be christopher's coworkers for the duration of the generation. using the club feature, these sims will act as his coworkers, and will ultimately become his and percy's primary social circle.

i am ideally looking for at least two sims from each category (engineering, biology, computer science). i want to create a well balanced team for this project, but if i don't get enough submissions for each category, i'll just cope :P

the sims will be chosen based on... vibes? i might rng if i'm stuck between who to pick. ultimately though i want to pick whoever fits best with christopher and the vibe i have for the team.

don't worry though! all sims submitted will be added to my save and live in oasis springs for the whole generation! because i use kuttoe's home regions mod, they will be the only sims populating the town, and so they'll be the sims interacting with my sims most often. they will also essentially be re-populating my save since i recently culled a bunch of random townies lol

i will absolutely be posting updates if anything interesting happens with submitted sims :) and who knows, maybe a future dean will marry a descendent or something!

🧬 sim creation info

i have all packs, so there's no pack restrictions on what you can use to dress up your sims!

your sims should have one outfit per category. don't worry about their main outfit being work appropriate - i'll be giving each sim an additional work outfit. if i need to add or change anything, i'll make sure to keep their aesthetic consistent!

cc is okay, but keep it to a moderate amount. mm preferred, hair + clothes are okay, but don't go buckwild on accessories or anything like that (unless it's important for their backstory or identity, like necessary scars, medical equipment, identifying features, etc)

if i choose not to use any of the cc given with the sim, i will change the item to something consistent in style that i already have in my game. (for example, a green t-shirt will be swapped out for a different green t-shirt)

please don't use custom body presets! custom face presets and sliders are okay, but just know that they might get messed up if i ever need to make tweaks.

feel free to use skin details and makeup, but the sims will have my defaults, and i might change up some skin details and makeup to fit in with my game better. i'll still retain their general look though! i might just go with stuff i have in my game instead of new stuff that i wouldn't normally use.

you can either link the cc they use in the post, or include them in the dl with their tray files. i don't mind either way.

that should be everything!! if you have any questions feel free to ask me. no judgements if you need clarification on anything i mentioned here :) i know it's a lot lol!

🚀🌴☄️👽🛰️🌻

taglist of people who replied to my initial interest check: @nervousgnome @girlwithnojobcom @peachiyuu @simbugge @cozylattesims @simswoon @thecutestgf @panicsimss @gerbits @moontaart @iliketodissectsims @pixelblooming @spectermansion @alxandergoth (if you no longer have interest in applying, no worries! just wanted to tag everyone that replied to my interest check just in case they didn't catch this post in time for the deadline. <3)

(the lot in these pictures that i will be using this generation is "astronaut eco pod" by teaboat on the gallery, edited a bit!)

[leighlalouu]

Leaked —

Warnings: implied sexual activity?

Summary

A low quality video surfaces of Congressman Barnes and a woman in an intimate moment. The media’s hunting for the mystery girl and you need to answer the emails and calls as his assistant.

“We have no comments at this time.”

Journalists and reporters have been nonstop calling the phone, the constant ringing was beginning to piss you off. “Thank you for your understanding, good day,” you replied with an attempt to make it sound cheerful. Although there is nothing really cheerful or fun with answering calls upon calls asking about the same short scandalous video of the new congressman.

Mr. Barnes was in a suit with his tie loosened, arm around the waist of a woman whose face is turned away, blurred. The clip was about 3 and a half seconds long, a make-out session in the hotel hallways before the door behind the woman opened, allowing them disappeared into thin air. Quality of the video was absolute shit, which was helpful but it was obvious that the man was him. The media has been exploding recently with trending hashtags and nonstop theories of who this mystery woman could be.

It isn’t a good image for the congressman—in this case Mr. Barnes—to be doing anything intimate with anyone in a public space, even if it was a hallway of the hotel he stayed in. And that was your job, to clear his image once more. The one who makes these problems disappear.

You sat behind the desk in the corner of his office, staring at the screen for a few seconds, specifically at the amount of emails you needed to answer, tapping your finger on your table and taking a breath. After your slow breath, your fingers began flying over the keyboard, composing the fourth draft of the statement that was answering nothing at all and helping with nothing too.

Giving up, pausing and laying your head back down the table. You didn’t even know why they cared so much about this shitty quality video of him making out with a woman, hell it isn’t like he killed someone— well, too late to say that. But it isn’t like he fucked someone in the hotel hallway, and so what he’s a congressman not the fucking president who has a wife. Maybe it was the fact that he was the only politician that looked hot for someone in his hundreds. All married women in their forties together with a political figure and even random celebrities are now in love with him.

Once you lifted your head from the keyboard ready to type out the statement again the phone began to ring, a loud groan left your lips. And each time you answered the call it was the same words, same lies, and same tone. “Thank you for reaching out. The office and Mr. Barnes has no official comments at the moment.”

Soon as you pressed the red button signifying that the call has ended, the phone rang again before you could even place it back down. Your inbox—a fucking battlefield—once you decided to glance back at it, having even more stacked emails with subject lines screaming: LEAKED VIDEO OF CONGRESSMAN, URGENT—PLS IDENTIFY, RESPONSE NEEDED.

You couldn’t help but click the power off button of the computer in front of you and the do not disturb button of the phone, catching your breath for a minute before pushing you chair and grabbing your phone to scroll and distract yourself. It was like there was no escape. You opened a random app to see the first thing popping up would be the viral video of Congressman Barnes and the mystery woman.

Zooming into the paused video, attempting to squint your eyes while staring at the girl in a dark dress which conveniently was also unidentifiable because of the shit quality. “God.. we were so stupid,” you muttered before closing your phone, nibbling on your lips.

The musk scent of his perfume that night stuck on your dress for the past few days after the event you needed to attend. The warm feeling of his hand on your waist, gripping tightly as if you’d run away. And the way his lips brushed against your ears whispering the words “no one’s going to see.”

A total fucking lie because now you have to cover it all up.

[moonastro]

groom persona chart

jupiter in the houses

what is a groom persona chart? this chart exhibits qualities that your husband will have and possible placements that can be seen in their chart. it is simply a chart all about your spouse in a woman's chart. the asteroid groom can be identified using the code 5129.

Jupiter is the planet of wisdom, growth, luck and expansion. in the GPC it can tell us how the husband finds luck and how they may expand their their opportunities and where they may find purpose in learning things.

jupiter in 1st house: your fs can have luck with their appearance and how they look. They can honestly look good in anything that they do or anything that they wear. They have luck when it comes to how they present themselves to the world and may have plenty of lucky interactions or opportunities that they simply get because of their good vibes or how they appear to the world. They find growth in areas to do with their appearance, your future husbands appearance may change a lot whether it’s style or the vibe or simply just change of personality, like for example if 1st house is in Libra they can change their aesthetics and their accessories that they may wear but they have luck when looking after themselves if that makes sense. They can have the tendency to enjoy themselves a little too much and be in the zone of thinking they are everything which if handled excessively it can make them gain weight, develop health problems, greed, make them think they are better than everyone etc. but this can only occur if there are bad aspects towards Jupiter especially if Mars is conjunct or if there are squares to Jupiter.

jupiter in 2nd house: with this placement, the fs can find luck within the home and when it comes to comfort. he can have luck comfort wise meaning that he may always be comfortable and he may never stress or worry about not having to not have a home. he may have luck with finance and so he may have a steady pay check and can not worry as much about their stream of income because he will always either find loyalty dedicated to his job or will have more that one streams of income so he's all set. the sign can have a little bit of significance as well so for example if in sagittarius, can have luck in finance overseas and especially in foreign land. this placement is a huge placement of loyalty and how your husband can have wisdom and has his head wrapped around the fact that loyalty is the most important thing in the relationship.

jupiter in 3rd house: the fs will tend to have luck when it comes to electronics and vehicles. With this placements I noticed that a lot of the grooms know how to fix cars and know so much about cars in general, they can also be very good drivers and may have a very deep fond about them. Also with electronics they tend to know a lot about them as well, they may know what phone is the best and their interior and exterior and just anything to do with laptops, computers etc. they tend to have opportunities with his siblings so they may be very close with them and may prioritise their sibling or siblings. Another thing with your fs is that he may like to take road trips a lot, and especially take you along with him, since no questions asked with their interest in cars it only makes sense when they go out for a spin in their car. In addition your fs can be very interactive with people around him so he may be very communicative with others and is an easy person to talk to. For example may like small talk with strangers and such.

jupiter in 4th house: fs may develop a sense and desire to have a family. This may be because it may bring them luck in life when having someone to care and look after. They tend to attract luck when taking care of others and being protective with those around him. He may have luck with his home and depending on the sign it’s in it can tell us a bit more. So for example if in Virgo, can have luck when being delicate and precise with the interior of the house and may have an eye for such things. If in Leo, can be very good with children in the house and may have a way with them and know how to prepare meals, play with them etc. your fs may have opportunities with bettering the home and such, this can be an indication of them having a good eye for a cosy home so expect him to have a fabulous and cosy home. If aspected badly can be overly protective and can become very strict within the household almost to the point where they don’t appreciate their family members and are too focused on being in control.

jupiter in 5th house: your husband can have plenty of luck when it comes to them attracting attention and an audience. They are very good bribers and are very good with making everything around them look good. Can have luck with children, their hobbies, can be good at anything that is fun for them. So whatever your fs may find entertaining or he has a deep interest in he will for sure be very good at it as he takes his interest to heart and for him being interested in something isn’t enough, he has to know EVERYTHING about it. Fs can have luck in romance, so he can be a very subtle yet beautiful a pro when it comes to attracting people. He has this talent of making nothing be embarrassing for him because he may have too much ego and can just be very confident in himself that there is no need for him to doubt himself.

jupiter in 6th house: your fs may find luck in every day simple things. he may not be aware as much but lots of every day things may go very smoothly. he may rarely have any major problems in life and if he does then he is the one who knows how to fix it and get passed the hurdle. he can find luck in his job as well, with this placement he may not worry about trying to acquire a job or trying to get a job as it may come to him naturally. your fs service to others whether it be being generous or just simply being helpful for others can bring luck to him. depending on the sign, this placement can add some touches of meaning to it, for example if in gemini, spouse may have resolutions to do with intellectual ability so he may be smart and be analytical. with this placement also when 6th house represents daily routine and handiness, jupiter in gemini or aquarius can mean that spouse can be handy with technology and may have a fair hand with tech stuff.

jupiter in 7th house: your fs can have luck when it comes to having people on their side. This can develop them to have lots of opportunities because of their relationship to other people. They are natural charmers and can use their charm to make other like them however if aspected badly can lead to others being overly jealous of their success or how they may be liked by people and can cause enemies. They are someone who speaks their mind and has a very creative and broad mind. They can have the most obnoxious thoughts and ideas that may bring them attention. It is as if whatever they say or that comes out of his mouth other people tend to agree with him and your fs makes it sound appealing.

jupiter in 8th house: the future husband can have a lot of inheritances to his name. He may make lots of money due to being smart financially and that can set him up for luck money wise. Can have luck with getting money from other people, and getting things from others as well. This can be either a very good placement or a very bad one depending on the sign and aspects. If it is in Taurus, can be very lazy with their finance and when given the opportunity to invest or do something with an inheritance they can splurge the money and not be very careful with how they treat it which can lead to losing the money very fast. But if in Leo, can have lots of motive to strive to better the amount that they are given and can strive to double the amount that they got from an inheritance for example. Your fs may also have opportunities when it comes to figuring others out. This can mean that they have a very good intuition and can read a person very well. Which can save them their energy on getting involved with the wrong person. They can tend to reserve their energy and be quite isolated at times, most of the time it’s needed for them to strive better in life.

jupiter in 9th house: your fs can have luck generally and with a variety of things. He can be seen as a very very lucky individual. As Jupiter is in its own sign it is very happy here that can bring extra luck to your husband. Can often be very wise in life meaning that he may know a lot of facts and a lot of knowledge about life and the world. He can seem to know everything to put it into simple perspective. He may have lots of opportunities when it comes to education and wisdom. So for example he may get invited or attend lots of talks, he may have multiple of degrees from universities, he can have a fondness of collecting things and learning new things. He may never get tired of learning as learning can be what keeps him alive and free. Another thing is that freedom is very important to him, so it’s best for him to do what his heart most desires in order for him to not feel unaccomplished in life.

jupiter in 10th house: your fs can have luck in finance and with money. Can have luck with their career meaning that they can have a well respected and good paying job that they worked hard for. For this placement I have noticed that whatever they may put their mind towards or something that they want very badly if they work hard for it they will get it because this placements hard work will work out for them. They can have lots and lots of career opportunities whether it’s promotions or meeting with vip people or just opportunities that people would only dream of they may experience them. They can go through most of their luck in their job so that can mean that most of the good things that happen to him may happen in their job or during their job. His career is like the centre of his life and it’s what makes him want to live the best life.

jupiter in 11th house: the husband has luck when interacting with other people and when meeting strangers in general. He may have this social ability that gives him the natural sense of starting a conversation with other people. And the thing with this placement that I picked up on is that they don’t have a care in the world either, they can rarely get embarrassed or they just simply don’t care what they do and who sees them. This is a very lucky placement so your spouse can generally have luck with anything they they do, they can have luck in the most simple of things and they may not even realise that it’s lucky because it happens to them all the time so they don’t even second guess it.

jupiter in 12th house: your fs can have luck when it comes to all things spirituality. They can develop a lot of luck when they are working on themselves and being mindful and bettering their mental health and so forth. They can tend to have luck when they travel, seek a religion or have faith in anything. They can attract a lot of luck from the higher realm meaning they may be spiritually protected so if anyone does them harm or get on the wrong side of him they are going to get hurt. They can also be very psychic and cannot even know it, for example can predict things that haven’t happened yet or say something and the best day it happens sort of thing. But they may not be aware of that and if not attune with this ability may think it’s just a coincidence. Can have opportunities to go abroad, to help people, to teach people and especially to work on themselves. And these opportunities will help him with his path.

SPECIAL OFFER: IF YOUR PURCHASE ANY READING WITH ME get 2 FREE tarot readings—check out HERE

[httpsserene]

CANGRATS ON 3K!!! it alright if you can't but, i was wondering if I could request the car wash kink rating for danny, max, oscar, yuki, and franco with the diy porn prompt

#3k vday celly

🧽🪣 would you like a complimentary car wash? — send me any five (5) drivers and one (1) kink from this list, and i will rank the drivers in order of who i think is most to least likely to participate/avoid, or love/hate that kink !!! each driver will have a small blurb written xxx

༊࿐ ⊹ ˚. i always get stuck on writing one of these for some reason lol. have a bunch more requests from the celly that are going to be dropping every night this week morst likely! remember, the last day to submit a celly request is on valentine's day !!!happy 3k 🤍 and thank you for requesting, babe xxx

⌕ 3k v-day celly nav | all 3k requests | main nav | table of contents ↻

𝐦𝐭𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨 (𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐭𝐚𝐩𝐞) 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤 fem!bipoc!reader x mv.1 | dr. 3 | yt. 22 | fc. 43 | op. 81 cw under the cut.

oral and vaginal sex. light humiliation kink in max's drabble?

𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭

Daniel’s eyes are starting to burn under the harsh light of the computer monitor. He’s been half-hard from the moment he started reviewing the raw footage, and he’s tempted to rub one out so he can edit without the constant throbbing of his arousal. Nobody can blame him for getting distracted while he tries to decide which of the three angles he recorded of you riding him in reverse cowgirl is the best. He knew convincing you that buying three separate camera setups was necessary because it allowed him this dilemma. Should he use the angle that shows your chest bouncing from the front? Or, the one from behind, where it shows his muscled abdomen and the plush, brown, skin of your ass marred by bruises of his handprints? Or, the close-up angle that shows where your cunt greedily swallows his cock? It’s an impossible choice, so he decides to alternate between all three. He clicks open File Explorer to save the video, wincing when he sees that the dedicated external hard drive containing all of your sex tapes is 98% full.  

Franco’s struggling to keep his phone steady as your tongue dances around him, moaning loudly when the head of his dick is caught in the warm squeeze of your throat. He looks away from the phone screen to watch the tears spill over your waterline, his groan of pleasure wobbling at the sight. When he looks back, the camera angle has fallen away, only catching the view of his hand lightly resting around your neck. His arm holding the phone is weak, and he has to move his hand from your throat to help focus the lens back on where he’s fucking into your mouth. Capturing the perfect angle becomes unimportant when he drops his phone on the floor to carefully guide you off of his cock, the video’s focus now is the ceiling. The audio paints a much more in-depth picture; sounds of the two of you kissing, the rustling of the bedsheets, skin clapping, the creaking of the bed, and the debauched noises of satisfaction from both of you echoing around the room. It gives him another reason to convince you to let him film another sex tape, and he’ll be sure the sight of him fucking you is front and center.

It’s one of Yuki’s fantasies. He didn’t think he’d ever have the courage to ask if you’d be willing to film a sex tape with him, considering that if it somehow leaked, it would have the potential to ruin your livelihood. One night, during a drunken game of truth or dare, you shyly admitted to wanting to make a sex tape and Yuki took the chance to make his fantasy come true. He’s practically filming in total darkness, the flash of his phone camera solely illuminating where he’s thrusting into you. Even though there are no identifying factors being shown (besides the contrast of your skin tones), he’s incredibly careful about making sure there are no easy tells— keeping your faces out of frame, having you muffle your whimpers into a pillow, and catching his breathy groans behind his hand. He swears the absence of noise coming from your mouths amplifies how wet you sound around him; he can’t wait to see if that’s the case when he watches the video afterward. There’s a feeling dancing at the base of his skull; it’s screaming that he’s some sort of freak for enjoying this, and it has him rushing toward his climax ridiculously quicker than he’d like, but the fluttering of your walls around him lets him know that you’re in the same boat. He wonders if there are any spare face masks hidden somewhere in the apartment; he’d show more than where your bodies meet if your faces are hidden.

Max is camera-shy. He knows it’s kind of ironic, given the amount of cameras that are focused on him on any given race weekend, but he can’t handle the attention during sex. When you both watched your first sex tape, Max was mortified. He can’t believe he looks and sounds like that during sex, the recording showing him just how desperate he is for you. Obviously, he feels the way his body responds to you, but he didn’t expect it to look so debauched on camera. It’s not like he’s ashamed by how good you make him feel, it’s just that he finds it humiliating to see it—regardless of the way you adamantly insisted that you find it hot as fuck. Now that he’s aware of how he looks, whenever the camera is on he isn’t able to devote all of his attention to you because he’s fixated on stifling his reactions—which ruins the point of filming a sex tape, and the fun of sex for both you and him. Max knows the video highlights the furious blush running from his cheeks down to his chest as he distractedly eats you out. He exhales heavily in relief, his scalp stinging deliciously when you tug him away from your cunt with a hand fisted in the mess of his blond hair, and he eagerly rushes to stop and delete the recording before you can even finish saying the words.

Oscar isn’t one to kink shame, but sex tapes are a no-go for him. He thinks it’s irresponsible to record his sex life, especially when you consider the effect it could have on his reputation and career if a video of him were to leak. It’s an irrational fear of his: he thinks that no matter how securely stored the sex tape could be, it would end up on the internet where millions of people would see it and then his reputation would be ruined forever. He’s a little terrified when you send him risqué photos, let alone nudes for that exact reason. It’s not like he doesn’t appreciate it—he thinks you’re mouthwateringly attractive when you’re fully clothed, of course, he appreciates the pictures of you in lingerie or less—but he’s going to scold you for sending it after he gets off to it…because what if that was the exact moment someone hacked into his phone and got their grubby hands on your nudes and posted them? Oscar hears how irrational he sounds when he’s telling you that, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking it. You lovingly call him paranoid, but you do respect his boundaries—he’s much more amenable to seeing you tease yourself with a vibrator live on Facetime rather than watching a recording of the last time you guys had sex. 

𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭

© httpsserene — do not reupload. photos in header from pinterest. mdni divider by @cafekitsune.

[identifying-computers-in-posts]

Got my things stolen and can’t remember what model to replace my ipad from, it was Apple Pencil 1st gen compatible. Thank you wizard

(2016) iPad Pro 9.7” OR (2017) iPad Pro 10.5”

Below the cut are my opinions on a replacement iPad, the information i used to figure out what model you had, and also Apple’s weird rose gold phase. rip the rose gold colorway, 2015-2020

iPad shopping advice—

I do not recommend buying a refurbished 2016 iPad Pro, while not technically obsolete, iPadOS 16 is no longer receiving active support— security updates are still being pushed out but Apple tends to only provide those for another one or two years unless a zero-day vulnerability is found. (iPadOS 16’s active support expired a year ago, for further context)

I can’t in good faith recommend buying a refurbished 2017 iPad Pro, it currently operates on the latest OS (iPadOS 17), however that’s likely to be its last core update in its lifetime— it turns 7 years old this year (a typical lifespan for an iPad is 5-6 years), iPadOS 17 has less than a year of active support left with iOS & iPadOS 18 slated for September 2024… however, the prices look good if you can find one from a reliable seller.

I have two recommendations for replacement*

Refurbished** iPad Air (2020) 256gb

Runs iPadOS 17 and will be receiving core updates for another 2-3 years minimum

Support for up to 5 Gbps over USB-C support (which means support for external storage devices)

Support for the Apple Pencil (2nd Gen) and Apple Pencil (USB-C)***

Smaller bezels; the home button is removed and TouchID is on the power button

Support for a external mirrored display

Support for Wi-Fi 6 & Bluetooth 5.0

5G LTE support if you’re into that sort of thing (cellular models do cost extra)

iPad 10th Gen (2022) 256gb

Runs iPadOS 17 and will be receiving core updates for the next 4-5 years minimum

Support for USB-C with speeds of USB 2.0

Front-facing camera is horizontal (which is the reason for the next point)

Support for Apple Pencil (1st Gen w/ Adapter) or Apple Pencil (USB-C)***

Smaller bezels; bigger screen, TouchID on power button

Support for an external mirrored display

Wi-Fi 6 & Bluetooth 5.2 support

Cellular models equipped with 5G support

*Only if you need an iPad before March or April of this year. For the first time since 2010, Apple skipped a year in iPad refreshes. Mark Gurman predicts that new iPads will be released by the end of March. The 6th Gen iPad Air is rumored to be receiving a pretty large facelift— likely slashing the price of the 5th Gen Air. The iPad Air is widely considered to be the best price-to-performance option from the iPad family.

**I recommend checking out open box pricing for the latest generation iPads before making a decision. If possible, hit up a BestBuy or Microcenter so you can look at open box devices in person. Only buy refurbished devices from trusted sources; I recommend Amazon Refurbished or Geeksquad Refurbished.

***the Apple Pencil (USB-C) does not support pen pressure on any iPad model. The Apple Pencil (2nd Gen) is the most feature-rich model to date, read more here.

as both these iPads run the same processor, here are the benchmarks from CPU Monkey for the A10X Fusion (IPP2017) vs. A14 Bionic (IPA2020)

And the insane amount of information I know about Apple’s rose gold phase that led me to what iPad you have:

Apple introduced the rose gold colorway in 2015 with the launch of the iPhone 6s, and the phasing out started with the release of the iPhone 8 in 2017, replacing rose gold with just plain gold. That’s the timeframe for our rose gold iPad— and there were only six iPads launched between 2015-2017. This assumption is further supported by the launch of the Apple Pencil in late 2015 and the eventual launch of the the smaller 9.7” iPad Pro in 2016, which came in the standard space gray, silver, and gold, but was also released in one extra color: rose gold. The rose gold colorway in the iPad lineup was exclusive to the smaller IPP 1 & 2 until 2020 (see “Other Apple products…”). Additionally, the visible sides of the iPad suggest it’s from the “tapered unibody” MacBook era— specifically the “rounded edges” or “squircle” era, when all iPads fit awkwardly into folio cases if they weren’t made by Apple. The iPad that received a rose gold colorway in 2020 is of the “squared edges” era, thus ruling it out entirely.

Other Apple products that saw a brief rose gold colorway:

Retired from the Apple Watch lineup in 2017

Retired from the MacBook lineup in 2018

Retired from the iPhone lineup in 2017

Retired from the iPad Pro lineup in 2018

Added to the iPad Air lineup in 2020 and then immediately replaced by pink following the next release

Apple recently has introduced the pink colorway into its products as it delves more into the colorful side of tech again. Things you can buy in pink from Apple if you want to stay on theme:

iPhone 13, 15

iPhone 15 Plus

iPad 10th Gen (2022)

iPad Air (2022)

Apple Watch Series 9

[livinghalfway]

Younger Years Pt. 8

Masterlist

Summary: Damian gets temp de-aged to 6yrs old; cue him asking where his twin is. This is how everyone finds out about Danny's existence. Word Count: 1817

“I can’t believe you stopped me from running after Danyal, Father! I pray that you do not regret that decision later on for that could have been our one chance to get Danyal!” Damian growled out as he marched into the manor. 

Bruce gave a great sigh as he followed his youngest inside, “Damian, I know you think that you saw Danyal, but we need to confirm what actually happened." 

"You saw what happened! You saw Danyal!" 

"I saw you attempting to chase after another boy." Bruce is worried for his son. It just seems very coincidental that Damian would see his brother, in the building dedicated to said brother, after telling the family about his existence. "And I think you believe you saw Danyal in that boy." 

"Did you see his face?" Damian demands from his father. 

"No." 

"Then what you think is irrelevant to me." He states as he makes his way towards the cave. With or without his father's help Damian will be finding the boy he saw today. That was Danyal, he knows it.

That thought is painful though because that means his brother purposely didn't want to seek him out after all these years. Damian supposes he can't really blame Danyal for that though, not after what their last moments together were. He just needs one chance to try and explain things. 

Upon entering the cave he sees Steph and Cass training with one another on the mats, and Tim already occupying the computer. 

"Drake, pull up all the security cameras for the planetarium building based around the two o'clock showing; outside and inside cameras!" Damian commands as he comes to stand by Tim's side. 

Tim, despite his clear annoyance at being interrupted, does as requested and asks, "Want to share with the class what I'm supposed to be looking for?" 

"Be a detective and use your eyes, Drake. You'll see it." Damian himself is watching the screen like a hawk as he waits for Danyal to show himself on any of the cameras. His brother was luckily wearing a bright red hat so identifying him in the crowd should be easy. He finds the hat before his brother though. Pointing to the screen he says, "Follow his path." 

"Oof, what did this kid do to make you want to hunt him down?" Steph, who is also now also with them along with Cass, asks amused as she too tracks the boy on screen. 

"Not him. He's going to lead me to Danyal though." The silence that follows after is deafening as all eyes snap to him. The security feed was even paused which means Damian couldn't just ignore everyone's reaction. "We are losing valuable time to find him! Continue the video, Drake!"

Instead of doing as he says Damian watches as Tim looks towards Bruce for direction on what he should do. At this he sends a glare towards his father, daring him to say anything that doesn't comply with what he wants right now. 

Damian understands that what he's asking for here is concerning his family; claiming that he saw his twin. Now is not the time to be questioning him though, Danyal could already be gone by the time he finished explaining everything. He just needs them to see his brother for themselves on the security tape. 

"Press play, Tim." Bruce says with a slight defeated tone to his voice. With that the video finally continues, all of them once again zoning in on the individual in the red hat. Watching as he talks with a goth girl, both of them pointing as they approach the planetarium, another figure. 

… a blur? 

Red hat and Goth girl come to stand on either side of the blurry figure, standing in front of the dedication plaque, before the figure grabs onto the other two as they all rush inside. Switching from the outside to the inside cameras they continue to follow the trio. 

The third person has to be Danyal, but why is the camera distorting his image? Before Damian can voice this himself though Steph is already speaking, "Is the blurry guy supposed to be Danyal? Why can we not see him clearly?" 

"That's what I'm trying to figure out." Tim ponders as he continues to analyze the feed. "I'm sending a copy of this to Babs, she'll want to know how and why the cameras aren't picking him up. Regardless of if this is Danyal or not." 

"It is Danyal!" Damian insists, not liking that Tim was doubting him. 

"We'll see." 

Before he can snap back at Tim a gentle hand grips his shoulder. Looking up he sees Cass looking at him with a semi-serious face. "That is Danyal?"

"Yes." He replies instantly, because he knows that who he saw today is his brother; scars don't lie. 

Cass's face smooths as a soft smile grows, "We'll bring brother home." It felt good to have the most competent member of this family on his side. 

Speeding through the tape they finally reach the end of the show where it was announced that Damian and Bruce would be answering some questions. In that moment they all watch as the blurry figure, Danyal, takes the red hat and throws it on his own head while lowering himself in his seat; hiding. 

Pretty soon the interview comes to an end, Damian and his father were quick to make their way out of the building — he had to get out, his answers were far more emotional than he originally wanted — as Alfred was only moments away with the car. 

Danyal on the other hand stayed in his seat until after a minute or so before jumping up, and running towards the door. Leaving his companions behind. 

Switching the camera again it shows Bruce talking on the phone with Damian standing a good few feet away from him. The next thing to happen is the doors flying open, and Danyal's blurry form heading straight towards Damian. He'd almost think his brother ran into him on purpose if it wasn't for the fact that, even with the blur, Danyal is clearly looking behind himself as he moves forward. 

Their first meeting after so many years had been nothing, but a mistake on Danyal's part. He obviously never planned to run into him, to let Damian know that he was even alive, Damian thinks as he watches his brother break away and sprint down the street. All of this could have been solved already if his father hadn't stopped him from doing so. 

Even without having to demand it, Tim continues to track his brother through the cameras until eventually the trail comes to an end with all of them looking at the entrance of a dark alley.

“Drake, is there any way he could have left that alley without the camera’s seeing him?” Damian asks as he mentally plans out the fastest route to the alley his twin hid in. He wishes that he could see Danyal, but the angle of the camera makes that impossible. 

“Not unless the kid can turn invisible.” 

"Then he is currently in the alley now, and I'm going to him." Damian plainly states before rushing to get his Robin suit on. He's getting his brother back now. 

He would have already been halfway dressed by now if his father hadn't stopped him, "I'm going with you then. We still don't know if that is actually Danyal, chum. Somehow his presence is interfering with the cameras, and we can't assume that this whole thing isn't some kind of trap." 

"Think what you will Father, either way we will be going at once!" That is all he has left to say on the matter, and steps past the hand blocking him. 

He hears Bruce sigh before speaking to the others around the computer, "Tim, watch the cameras and let us know if anything changes. You two be prepared on stand-by for backup." 

It doesn't take long after that before both Batman and Robin are racing down the streets in the Batmobile towards the alley. His heart pounding in his chest the closer they get; this reunion can only end badly in his mind. The best he can hope for right now is that Danyal will hear him out. 

They're about half way there when suddenly the car's comms are crackling to life by Tim's frantic voice, "A van stopped in front of the alley with four armed individuals in white suits. Two are entering while the others appear to be guarding the exit. Orphan and Spoiler are heading in that direction now."  

Robin feels the car accelerate at those words as Batman barks back, "Anything identifiers for who they are?"

"G.I.W. is written on the side of the van. I'm running it through the system now for any hits. It should only- bright white light flash from inside the alley! Some type of fight has probably started." 

“ETA ten minutes. Update on the situation as needed.” 

Ten minutes. 

Ten minutes before he reaches Danyal, and saves him from whoever dared attack his brother. He can only hope that he's not too late to do so. 

Nine

Eight

Seven

“Movement from the alley, three individuals exiting. They … they have Danyal, he's currently incapacitated and being loaded in the van. You’re going to need to step on it, these guys aren’t waiting around any longer!" 

Batman visibly tightens his hands on the steering wheel, knowing that he’s not going to be able to make it there in time to stop them from leaving, as he growls out, “Keep track of them.” 

“I’ll do my best, but they’re on a direct path towards Crime Alley. If they truly enter it I’m going to lose them.” 

“Hm, Robin and I will continue our pursuit. Orphan and Spoiler, you two investigate the alley for anything left behind.” 

“On it, B.” Spoiler states. 

In the end there was no way for them to catch up in time before the van disappeared into Crime Alley. Every camera in the surrounding area was going to be heavily monitored from this point forward for when the van eventually went out again though. 

When Orphan and Spoiler returned to the cave the only thing they had was a red cap that contained two different hair samples. One belonged to the boy they saw in the security feed, whose identity was later confirmed to be Tucker Foley, The other showed DNA matching Bruce as the father and Damian as a twin; no signs of cloning found anywhere no matter how hard they searched for it. 

With Tucker Foley’s identity found it wasn’t hard to link Samantha Manson to the goth girl that was with him. That is when they found a boy resembling Damian that was said to be the third in this trio of friends. 

They found Daniel Fenton. 

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Signatures To Discover For A Stronger Personal Brand

Personal brand colors (for your outfits, makeup, nails, socials, office supplies/decor, etc.)

Signature aesthetic choices (could you be identified as the woman always in a leather jacket, wearing red lipstick, always wearing crystal hair clips or full ear stacks, etc.)

Signature jewelry pieces

Go-to nail color/shape

Signature drink (alcoholic or not)

Personal sayings you're known for in your social group

Signature scent

Unique talents/hobbies/skillsets (Painting, cooking, computer skills/programming, negotiating, writing, etc.)

Your go-to restaurants, shops, etc.

Signature meals/particular food choices

Signature hostess gifts

Specific leisure priorities (she's the woman you'll always find at the Opera, contemporary art museum, dog park, watching Alfred Hitchcock movies, etc. in her free time)

Areas of life where you give the best advice

Causes/organizations you care most strongly about

Your greatest social competency (Telling the best stories, being funny, asking great questions, making everyone feel welcome and included, negotiating, planning the best trips/parties, being a social connector, etc.)

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Leveraged buyouts are not like mortgages

I'm coming to DEFCON! On FRIDAY (Aug 9), I'm emceeing the EFF POKER TOURNAMENT (noon at the Horseshoe Poker Room), and appearing on the BRICKED AND ABANDONED panel (5PM, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01). On SATURDAY (Aug 10), I'm giving a keynote called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE! How hackers can seize the means of computation and build a new, good internet that is hardened against our asshole bosses' insatiable horniness for enshittification" (noon, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01).

Here's an open secret: the confusing jargon of finance is not the product of some inherent complexity that requires a whole new vocabulary. Rather, finance-talk is all obfuscation, because if we called finance tactics by their plain-language names, it would be obvious that the sector exists to defraud the public and loot the real economy.

Take "leveraged buyout," a polite name for stealing a whole goddamned company:

Identify a company that owns valuable assets that are required for its continued operation, such as the real-estate occupied by its outlets, or even its lines of credit with suppliers;

Approach lenders (usually banks) and ask for money to buy the company, offering the company itself (which you don't own!) as collateral on the loan;

Offer some of those loaned funds to shareholders of the company and convince a key block of those shareholders (for example, executives with large stock grants, or speculators who've acquired large positions in the company, or people who've inherited shares from early investors but are disengaged from the operation of the firm) to demand that the company be sold to the looters;

Call a vote on selling the company at the promised price, counting on the fact that many investors will not participate in that vote (for example, the big index funds like Vanguard almost never vote on motions like this), which means that a minority of shareholders can force the sale;

Once you own the company, start to strip-mine its assets: sell its real-estate, start stiffing suppliers, fire masses of workers, all in the name of "repaying the debts" that you took on to buy the company.

This process has its own euphemistic jargon, for example, "rightsizing" for layoffs, or "introducing efficiencies" for stiffing suppliers or selling key assets and leasing them back. The looters – usually organized as private equity funds or hedge funds – will extract all the liquid capital – and give it to themselves as a "special dividend." Increasingly, there's also a "divi recap," which is a euphemism for borrowing even more money backed by the company's assets and then handing it to the private equity fund:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/17/divi-recaps/#graebers-ghost

If you're a Sopranos fan, this will all sound familiar, because when the (comparatively honest) mafia does this to a business, it's called a "bust-out":

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bust_Out

The mafia destroys businesses on a onesy-twosey, retail scale; but private equity and hedge funds do their plunder wholesale.

It's how they killed Red Lobster:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/23/spineless/#invertebrates

And it's what they did to hospitals:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/28/5000-bats/#charnel-house

It's what happened to nursing homes, Armark, private prisons, funeral homes, pet groomers, nursing homes, Toys R Us, The Olive Garden and Pet Smart:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/02/plunderers/#farben

It's what happened to the housing co-ops of Cooper Village, Texas energy giant TXU, Old Country Buffet, Harrah's and Caesar's:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/14/billionaire-class-solidarity/#club-deals

And it's what's slated to happen to 2.9m Boomer-owned US businesses employing 32m people, whose owners are nearing retirement:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/16/schumpeterian-terrorism/#deliberately-broken

Now, you can't demolish that much of the US productive economy without attracting some negative attention, so the looter spin-machine has perfected some talking points to hand-wave away the criticism that borrowing money using something you don't own as collateral in order to buy it and wreck it is obviously a dishonest (and potentially criminal) destructive practice.

The most common one is that borrowing money against an asset you don't own is just like getting a mortgage. This is such a badly flawed analogy that it is really a testament to the efficacy of the baffle-em-with-bullshit gambit to convince us all that we're too stupid to understand how finance works.

Sure: if I put an offer on your house, I will go to my credit union and ask the for a mortgage that uses your house as collateral. But the difference here is that you own your house, and the only way I can buy it – the only way I can actually get that mortgage – is if you agree to sell it to me.

Owner-occupied homes typically have uncomplicated ownership structures. Typically, they're owned by an individual or a couple. Sometimes they're the property of an estate that's divided up among multiple heirs, whose relationship is mediated by a will and a probate court. Title can be contested through a divorce, where disputes are settled by a divorce court. At the outer edge of complexity, you get things like polycules or lifelong roommates who've formed an LLC s they can own a house among several parties, but the LLC will have bylaws, and typically all those co-owners will be fully engaged in any sale process.

Leveraged buyouts don't target companies with simple ownership structures. They depend on firms whose equity is split among many parties, some of whom will be utterly disengaged from the firm's daily operations – say, the kids of an early employee who got a big stock grant but left before the company grew up. The looter needs to convince a few of these "owners" to force a vote on the acquisition, and then rely on the idea that many of the other shareholders will simply abstain from a vote. Asset managers are ubiquitous absentee owners who own large stakes in literally every major firm in the economy. The big funds – Vanguard, Blackrock, State Street – "buy the whole market" (a big share in every top-capitalized firm on a given stock exchange) and then seek to deliver returns equal to the overall performance of the market. If the market goes up by 5%, the index funds need to grow by 5%. If the market goes down by 5%, then so do those funds. The managers of those funds are trying to match the performance of the market, not improve on it (by voting on corporate governance decisions, say), or to beat it (by only buying stocks of companies they judge to be good bets):

https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/17/shareholder-socialism/#asset-manager-capitalism

Your family home is nothing like one of these companies. It doesn't have a bunch of minority shareholders who can force a vote, or a large block of disengaged "owners" who won't show up when that vote is called. There isn't a class of senior managers – Chief Kitchen Officer! – who have been granted large blocks of options that let them have a say in whether you will become homeless.

Now, there are homes that fit this description, and they're a fucking disaster. These are the "heirs property" homes, generally owned by the Black descendants of enslaved people who were given the proverbial 40 acres and a mule. Many prosperous majority Black settlements in the American South are composed of these kinds of lots.

Given the historical context – illiterate ex-slaves getting property as reparations or as reward for fighting with the Union Army – the titles for these lands are often muddy, with informal transfers from parents to kids sorted out with handshakes and not memorialized by hiring lawyers to update the deeds. This has created an irresistible opportunity for a certain kind of scammer, who will pull the deeds, hire genealogists to map the family trees of the original owners, and locate distant descendants with homeopathically small claims on the property. These descendants don't even know they own these claims, don't even know about these ancestors, and when they're offered a few thousand bucks for their claim, they naturally take it.

Now, armed with a claim on the property, the heirs property scammers force an auction of it, keeping the process under wraps until the last instant. If they're really lucky, they're the only bidder and they can buy the entire property for pennies on the dollar and then evict the family that has lived on it since Reconstruction. Sometimes, the family will get wind of the scam and show up to bid against the scammer, but the scammer has deep capital reserves and can easily win the auction, with the same result:

https://www.propublica.org/series/dispossessed

A similar outrage has been playing out for years in Hawai'i, where indigenous familial claims on ancestral lands have been diffused through descendants who don't even know they're co-owner of a place where their distant cousins have lived since pre-colonial times. These descendants are offered small sums to part with their stakes, which allows the speculator to force a sale and kick the indigenous Hawai'ians off their family lands so they can be turned into condos or hotels. Mark Zuckerberg used this "quiet title and partition" scam to dispossess hundreds of Hawai'ian families:

https://archive.is/g1YZ4

Heirs property and quiet title and partition are a much better analogy to a leveraged buyout than a mortgage is, because they're ways of stealing something valuable from people who depend on it and maintain it, and smashing it and selling it off.

Strip away all the jargon, and private equity is just another scam, albeit one with pretensions to respectability. Its practitioners are ripoff artists. You know the notorious "carried interest loophole" that politicians periodically discover and decry? "Carried interest" has nothing to do with the interest on a loan. The "carried interest" rule dates back to 16th century sea-captains, and it refers to the "interest" they had in the cargo they "carried":

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/29/writers-must-be-paid/#carried-interest

Private equity managers are like sea captains in exactly the same way that leveraged buyouts are like mortgages: not at all.

And it's not like private equity is good to its investors: scams like "continuation funds" allow PE looters to steal all the money they made from strip mining valuable companies, so they show no profits on paper when it comes time to pay their investors:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/20/continuation-fraud/#buyout-groups

Those investors are just as bamboozled as we are, which is why they keep giving more money to PE funds. Today, the "dry powder" (uninvested money) that PE holds has reached an all-time record high of $2.62 trillion – money from pension funds and rich people and sovereign wealth funds, stockpiled in anticipation of buying and destroying even more profitable, productive, useful businesses:

https://www.institutionalinvestor.com/article/2di1vzgjcmzovkcea8f0g/portfolio/private-equitys-dry-powder-mountain-reaches-record-height

The practices of PE are crooked as hell, and it's only the fact that they use euphemisms and deceptive analogies to home mortgages that keeps them from being shut down. The more we strip away the bullshit, the faster we'll be able to kill this cancer, and the more of the real economy we'll be able to preserve.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/05/rugged-individuals/#misleading-by-analogy

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[9:16 am]

(cw: course language)

Dating Jeno was like a dream. You knew it was early, 2 months to be exact, but you were fairly certain he was the best man ever. He was sweet, thoughtful, he listened, he was funny, and he was handsome. He took you on dates that you could tell he put effort into, he gave you gifts just because he was “thinking about you,” and got you flowers weekly. What wasn’t to like about him?

You had just seen him the night before, he had invited you over to his so he could cook for you. His excuse was that he’d been wanting to try out a recipe, but it was too much for one person. He’d listened to you talk all night about your annoying boss and how she went on and on about anything under the sun. She made it impossible to make or take calls with her roaming the floor and talking. She tried too hard to be friends with her employees.

He had had glimpses of her before when he came by to pick you up for lunch or picked you up from work. She was always the first one to the door, twirling her hair and batting her lashes. She tried flirting and didn’t even try to hide her frown when he greeted you with a kiss on the cheek.

“And I saw that little boy toy of yours yesterday! He was out and about during lunch yesterday and we had lunch together! You’re not mad right? According to what I’ve heard he’s not your boyfriend yet…” you heard her annoying voice, but she wasn’t talking to you, right?

You turned in your desk chair, “are you talking to me?”

“Yes! Jeno, your little boy toy! He’s a real cutie, a real gentleman. I can totally see what’s so attractive about him. We sat and talked together and got carried away. I was almost late,” she laughs.

You give her a fake laugh, claiming you have work to get back to while turning to face the computer screen. Instead of working, you mull over her words. On one hand yes, you and Jeno weren’t official or exclusive in the fact that you hadn’t discussed it, but you had assumed you were. There was also the fact that when you asked him about his lunch he had been very short and moved on as if it were nothing.

Had there been signs that you missed before? Were there moments that they shared when you weren’t around? Were there hidden moments? God, this was putting you in a downward spiral.

She was still stood near you when you heard an unfamiliar male voice. “Uhhhh, flowers from Jeno?” He asked.

As you moved to identify yourself, your boss squealed, reaching for the flowers. She pulled the card from bouquet and began to read out loud, “I had the greatest time seeing you yesterday. I can’t wait to spend more time with you. Love, Jeno. He’s so sweet! So sorry you had to find out this way, but I need to go put these in some light. Get back to work.”

The rest of your day was awful. Maybe he had sent those to her. Maybe he liked her more than you. Maybe he was two-timing you.

From there your anger grew and grew. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. His texts made your anger boil and bubble inside you to the point where once you saw him standing alone in the lobby of your workplace you walked right past him.

“Hey! Wait- hey, where are you going?” You heard Jeno’s voice as he followed after you.

You turned, your voice cold while your emotions were heated, “if you liked my boss you could have just said that instead of stringing me along. I know we never talked about being closed off, but at the very least I deserved to know you were seeing another person inside my office!”

He held his hands up, as if in surrender, “I don’t- I’m not seeing anyone but you. Can we talk about this?”

You groaned, running a had over your hair in frustration. You exhaled, calming your feelings, “my boss came in this morning and told me that you guys had lunch together. That you were such a gentleman and she totally gets what I see in you and that you spent the whole lunch talking and getting to know each other.” Your voice breaks as you keep explaining, “and then flowers were delivered that said you enjoyed your time with her yesterday. It’s just- I wish you had just told me.” You loon away from him as your eyes fill with tears and you desperately try to blink them back.

Jeno gives you your time to breathe and cool off before he speaks. “Babe, I didn’t get lunch with your boss. I happened to be at the same spot for lunch to pick up my order and while I was leaving she walked in. We did that whole awkward stepping the same way over and over again, and I greeted her just to be polite. I asked her how she was, but I didn’t have lunch with her. I don’t like her, she makes me feel weird and gross when she talks to me and I think she’s the same age as my mom, that or she has really bad work done.” You laugh at that and he smiles explaining even more, “the flowers were for you, babe. I have the receipt, it has your name on it as the recipient. They were supposed to be your weekly bouquet and that’s why the note says what it said. I don���t want to spend time getting to know anyone but you.”

“God, I hate that bitch. I’m sorry I assumed,” you exhale deeply, feeling an immense weight off your shoulders.

He pulls you into his chest for a hug, rubbing a hand up and down your back, “it was an unfortunate mess of coincidences mixed with delusion from your crazy ass boss. It’s the last time I’ll use a delivery service too, all your flowers are coming right from me.”

“You still want me after I made that horrible assumption?” You ask with a playful tone, but the nerves in your stomach have yet to calm down.

Jeno smirks, tsking nonchalantly, “if anything, I want you more. Something about you getting jealous, a little possessive, that’s hot.”

You shove him lightly, leaving him behind as you begin walking home again. You can hear him laughing and his steps as he runs to catch up to you. His arm wraps around your shoulders and he presses a kiss to your temple while you both dodge the other people trying to get home. He takes your bag off your shoulder and smiles at you warmly, “I didn’t think we really had to talk about it, but in all seriousness I do like you a lot. I don’t want to see anyone but you.”

“I like you a lot too,” you smile back, “so what? You’re like my boyfriend now?”

“Nothing would make me happier, and you should report your boss to HR. She’s a total bitch.”

[aealzx]

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Prologue | AO3

Previous Next

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“You came all the way out here to ask me to identify a plant?” Pamela was understandably incredulous as she blocked Tim from entering her current residence.

“Weeelll,” Tim drawled, shrugging with one shoulder. “Spoiler and Orphan said you’d be the best to contact. We could go elsewhere, but then I’d have to find somewhere else for these bacon and egg sandwiches,” he explained, revealing the hand that was behind his back to be holding a paper bag for a local food joint. It was a bribe. Or payment for services rendered if one wanted to be posh about it. But he was fine calling it a bribe.

“Aw hell yeah!” Harleen’s voice came from further in the establishment, and Tim caught just the faintest hint of a smile twitching Pamela’s mouth. She tried to resist, but Tim held his ground with a decidedly innocent smile, the bag of egg sandwiches still held in offering.

Eventually Pamela sighed and held out her hand. “Fine. What identifiers do you have for it?” she relented, letting Tim set the bag of food on her palm.

“Not much honestly. The locals call it a blood blossom, but I doubt it’s a haemanthus coccineus. We don’t have a picture, but we’re told it looks like a red rose bud with black leaves,” Tim answered. He’d done his own research already while waiting for the food to be made, and that was part of the reason he didn’t feel bad for following through with the others’ idea to ask Pamela. He had a few guesses already, but it would be nice to get a second opinion.

“A rose with black leaves?” Pamela repeated, her disappointed expression becoming thoughtful. “That’s it? Nothing else?” she asked soon after, frowning deeper if possible.

“Nothing else,” Tim confirmed, both disappointed and pleased that Pamela also didn’t seem able to come up with an answer.

“Sounds made up,” Pamela answered bluntly, shifting to move back into the building. “There aren’t any roses with black leaves unless they’re mutilated. The closest you’ll get is a begonia switzerland if you’re just going by appearance.”

“Oh…. that’s what I thought too,” Tim hummed, raising a curled finger to his chin.

Pamela’s eye twitched. “Then why did you-.... Goodbye,” she stammered, then figured it wasn’t worth her time to deal with Tim further, and closed the door on him.

Tim could only snort in amusement, raising his voice for just a moment. “Thanks for the info! Enjoy the food!” he called, grinning as he turned to grapple himself back to the rooftops.

So the blood blossoms were either an extremely obscure name for some other plant, or they didn’t actually exist. And if they didn’t exist, then what had poisoned Danny? At least Dick and Damian were heading straight to the manor to follow up with Alfred about meals, and bring the tissue sample with the plant based poison to where Bruce could use their tech to better analyze it. And Barbara had already mentioned she’d meet them there, so while they might not have a good start on two of the three questions they should at least be able to figure out who these kids were exactly.

—----------

“They don’t exist,” Barbara’s conclusion about the five Phantom kids they had custody of was short, but did little to answer any questions the others had. After spending a few hours gathering her data she had decided to join the others at the manor, the three who had returned from the rescue mission, Bruce, and her now gathered in the Bat Cave by the computer. Admittedly that hadn’t been something they fully expected to hear, so there were sagging shoulders from both Dick and Tim at the announcement.

“You ran the search in all of the databases, yeah?” Tim asked, immediately trying to figure out what they had missed. Barbara was usually extremely thorough. It was hard to believe she came up with nothing on a group of five people. Especially when two of them had superhuman abilities.

“Yes, Tim,” Barbara responded quickly. “If you’ll let me continue before you try to solve the problem yourself I’ll save you some steps,” she added, getting a mildly teasing smile. When Tim relented with a mild shrug Barbara turned her chair back to the computer, pulling her reports up on the huge monitor.

“The DNA samples came up with no results. Amity Park doesn’t exist on any map. There’s no social media posts about any combination of their names. And the photo Jason sent of Jazz’s ID also has no results. It doesn’t even resemble the official driver’s license format of Illinois or any of the other states, so it’s not hard to see why the bank teller would call it a fake,” she listed, bringing up the reports from her data scouring as she mentioned them. “The only activity I can track from them is here in Gotham, starting 72 days ago. I believe that’s when they first arrived here.”

The date caused Bruce to shift, breaking out of his silence once it seemed Barbara had finished summarizing her findings and drawing a connection to a separate report he’d gotten more than a month ago. “72 days ago is when the Justice League got readings of an anomaly on the outskirts of Gotham. Investigations revealed some remains of unknown technology, but no one was there with it.”

“...What kind of anomaly?” Dick asked, tensing slightly at a thought that crossed his mind. Unknown DNA, unusable bank and ID cards, two of them claiming to be beings that were never heard of before now.

“Please don’t say multiverse breach,” Tim whined, revealing that he’d had the same thoughts as Dick.

Instead of answering them Bruce just opened a different report, having been locating it as his sons had been speaking. When the data appeared on screen both Dick and Tim let out extended groans, their forms sagging even more as Barbara chuckled softly.

“It had to be dimension garbage,” Tim whined more, squinting at the report confirming suspected multiverse breach residue in the affected area.

“That explains all the missing data,” Barbara commented, just glad to have an explanation for why all her research was coming up blank prior to the anomaly. It was because they literally had nothing on this earth before then, and not because they were some sort of geniuses that could manage such an extensive data wipe to make even her systems come up with blanks.

“That also explains why Dr. Isley was unfamiliar with the blood blossoms,” Damian added, seeming unfazed by the revelation.

“And literally everything else that was weird about them,” Tim encompassed, frustration bleeding into his tone. What kind of puzzle didn’t even have answers in this world? He felt like that was cheating.

“Do they seem aware that they are no longer in their dimension? We’re sure this wasn’t a deliberate transport?” Bruce asked, masking his growing concern for the dislocated children by suggesting they might still be hiding something.

“Please, these kids can’t hide anything that well,” Tim huffed, giving a wry smile. “The only reason they’re able to hide anything is because they’re also oblivious. Otherwise it’s way too easy to tell they’re keeping something a secret.”

Bruce only frowned more at the response, and Barbara couldn’t help add her own support of the idea that the Phantoms had no idea they weren’t even close to home. “They seemed to have had enough to deal with, I don’t think they had time to consider it. Almost 80% of their activity ties back to them looking for ectoplasm. The other 20% is just general medical care and necessities of living.”

“Ectoplasm is the stuff they said Danny needed,” Dick added unnecessarily.

“I remember,” Bruce responded, though he could also understand why the kids had such a hard time tracking down a source. Most of Gotham didn’t even believe in ghosts, and the only people he or his family knew that matched the category were Boston and Greta. “Their search led them to a Lazarus water exchange.”

“Yeah. But apparently even though it’s similar enough, the Lazarus water is ‘freaky’ and they don’t want to use it according to Danielle,” Dick confirmed, using air quotes for what the small girl had said.

“All five of them have traces of another substance I’ve never seen before that seems similar to residue from Lazarus water as well,” Barbara spoke up to add, reaching over to the computer once more as she once again had their attention. The DNA analysis reports were enlarged, and she used a screen sketch app to mark the unusual traces. “It’s most prominent in Danielle and Danny, though Danny’s levels read a lot lower. But the other three have small traces as well.”

“The one called Danielle made mention of Danny having expended a significant amount of energy, to the point his accelerated healing ability has been hindered. And that there was a lack of locations with an abundance of said energy for them to absorb,” Damian recalled, ignoring the face Tim pulled as he slowly turned to look at him.

“You made that sound way more complicated than she did,” Tim grimaced.

“Silence Drake,” Damian retorted simply.

Dick could only snicker while keeping his gaze on the reports like Bruce was doing. “This will make it easier to track some of the substance down. I’ll see if I can create a collection device to make it easier for us to get larger amounts, and work on a way to neutralize the residual plant material,” Bruce commented, already making plans for the next course of action.

“After dinner,” Dick enforced, resting his hands on the back of Bruce’s chair.

Bruce seemed to consider it, falling silent and keeping his gaze on the monitor, giving no answer other than a short grunt after a long stretch of quiet.

Dick only leaned on the chair more, pulling it back slightly. “Aaaaafter dinner, Bruce. Thirty minutes isn’t going to be that big of a loss,” he prodded.

“...Alfred put you up to this, didn’t he,” Bruce pointed out instead of responding to the request.

“He did,” Dick confirmed, admitting to being requested to make sure Bruce got at least one hearty meal before getting lost in his work once again.

Bruce considered it longer, and by then the rest of his children were already on their way back upstairs. Did he really want Alfred hassling him again? “... Very well. After dinner,” he relented, getting to his feet with a slight sigh and locking the computer screen.

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Dimension hopping confirmed~ And I just realized I now have 2 fanfics that involve dimension hopping X'D that was unintentional.

Questions for the people following/interested: because I'm not familiar with most of DC or really DP's canon and fanon content and there's so freaking much of it out there, which characters would you like to see involved? No guarantees that they'll be in if I can't figure out how to get them to fit, but I need somewhere to start researching stuff X'DD. Also there's essentially 2 goals, wake Danny up, and get Team Phantom back home. How difficult should these tasks be, and which one would people rather have more focus on?

This fic originated from a prompt I found, so I think it might be fun to kind of keep that going? A different kind of writing exercise than what I'm used to. So that's why the questions instead of me just going heheh have a cliffhanger.

Though I will say I'm still of the opinion of no romance, so please don't suggest pairings |D

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