#idk is this a vent post ?

[reikacchan]

don't give up

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

[lumidotexe]

niche interest

[tinylambnursery]

it’s crazy how i went through my whole middle and high school life pushing away being a trans man because of horrid content creators like blaire white and kalvin garrah, who, yes, i used to be fans of waaaayy back in the day.

even after becoming more open minded, the idea of being a man still never crossed my mind, and when it did, i would once again push it away because “no, i just don’t fit that.”

and why was i pushing it away? because i’m feminine and don’t bind. that’s it. and it’s not like i ever chastised other feminine trans men, i loved them and cherished what they brought to the world. it was only MYSELF i ever criticized.

identifying as fem nonbinary for years did nothing but hurt me. i always felt like something was wrong. what was wrong, was me suppressing my manhood. allowing masculinity and femininity to exist within me as one has greatly improved my wellbeing.

i sincerely hope any other gnc trans guy or gal who’s struggling to come to terms with their identity because of their nonconformity can find comfort soon. it took me until adulthood to find it.

[kuuttituutti]

makes you think

[four-leafed-queer-gal]

I don't know.

"Not an answer."

I don't know!

"Yes you do."

I don't know!!!

"Stop lying."

I DON'T KNOW!!!

"Tell the truth or don't talk."

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!!!!

"You're grounded."

i don't know

"Go to your room."

I don't know!!

Yes ma'am. Yes sir.

"Finally. Listen to us the first time."

Yes ma'am. Yes sir.

"Go clean your room."

Yes ma'am. Yes sir.

Good subjects follow the King and Queen's orders.

Good soldiers follow the General's commands.

Good workers follow the Foreman's lead.

Good children follow their Mom and Dad's whims.

Good children don't 'not know.'

According to them. According to the adults.

I don't know.

[clown-around-and-find-out]

what i've learned thus far in my life is if a neurodivergent person has a personality they're annoying. but also if a neurodivergent person doesnt have a personality they're annoying. if a neurodivergent person acts how people want them to they're annoying. and if a neurodivergent person doesnt act how people want them to... they're annoying. basically, i've learned that as long as you're neurodivergent somebody will take issue with you, find you annoying, say you're too much or not enough.

[softhe4rted]

on loneliness jenny slate / japanese breakfast, posing for cars / corinne von lebusa, big glow / dadushin / alejandra pizarnik, tr. me / fka twings, home with you / avocado_ibuprofen / fiona apple, left alone / anne carson, “the anthropology of water”, plainwater / kiki smith, free fall / alejandra pizarnik, diaries

[sunlit-mess]

really, really

starting to get tired of feeling tired all the time with seemingly no amount of rest can fix.

[habken]

But genuinely it’s a problem the way I overwork myself. The metaphorical candle is being burnt at both ends and has been for years now, and yet I can’t get myself to relax and can’t stop taking on more than I can handle. At some point it’s going to blow up in my face and the burnout is going to be insane

[pastadoughie]

in the club crying sobbing wailing screaming

[letgoofthatego]

love exists

[decolonize-the-everything]

Watching the Russian psyop accusation post get hundreds of notes as a native leftist is like...

Idek.

Like of course. Of course I find a corner of the internet to exist and talk my shit and the fucking settlers found a way to fabricate conspiracy theories about me and of fucking course if I ignore them (as I should) then it's somehow an admission of guilt.

Yeah here, lemme just give every pissed marvel loving bootlicker fandom fascist my ID, ssn, and whatever else their paranoid racist asses need to feel safe from the scary brown person with a more educated opinion than them???? The fuck??

If you need to see paperwork like fucking ICE just to interact with other people on Tumblr dot com then save everyone the trouble and just fucking log off. You are unwell.

Fuck you.

I just wanna live. I JUST want to live. I just wanna live. Like that's it. Can I do that? Please?

Fuck

[bred-is-a-dumb-name]

Genuinely don't know what to do abt this shit anymore man. I've been on tumblr for so long, have had so many blogs, have lived through all sorts of wild shit that staff does. I have nowhere else to go either. Nowhere else can provide what this platform does for me. But this treatment of trans folk has me legitimately scared for the future of this place if something thats clearly visibly a joke can get you banned for life. When hateful terfs can just say whatever they want and not have problems if they get reported. I mean this isn't fucking twitter. I just. Fuck dude. Idk. I'm worried and angry and as a trans person I'm scared to even make jokes abt this situation lest i also get banned for "death threats" or something. This is insane. And it's gone on for a while now. And fuck. Tumblr needs to do better. Seriously.

[queenlucythevaliant]

Just to clarify my thoughts (since I've had a number of people ask me about it) re: Job and cursing God. There's a big difference between cursing God as used in Scripture and how we generally would think of cursing at God today.

Cursing someone, in the Bible, has a lot of depth to it. It's not just saying "screw you " in anger, it's got a sense of forsakenness to it. It's the opposite of a blessing, a removal of blessing. If the blessing is presence, your face shining on the person you're blessing, then a curse is absence. In some translations, Job's wife tells him to "renounce God and die," which I honestly think makes a lot more sense to modern ears.

Job says a lot of unpleasant things to and about God in his anger and grief. So do the Psalmists. A number of the Prophets. So can we. God can take it if we come to him with honest expressions of our emotion, including those not-so-nice ones directed at him. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting mad at God and saying, "How dare you, you bastard" when you suffer unjustly. You can say much worse, I think, without sinning, though I don't feel particularly inclined to give examples. But as long as it's an honest expression of your heart, I think you're doing exactly what prayer is for. You're presenting him your heart with an open hand. He can use that. Opposite of love is not hate but indifference, etc.

Job doesn't renounce God. Neither should we. But I think when you're truly suffering, you're gonna have those feelings toward God either way. He'd rather you address them with him directly than try to avoid them. Cursing at God in the modern sense is actually a great way to keep the relationship strong and not end up cursing/renouncing him in the Biblical sense.

[jack-the-killler]

POV: My mind on the daily.