#if you see me posting its cause it takes a lot less mental energy to do that. i am online to look at funny post and maybe say hi to a mutua

[spearxwind]

btw if you sent an ask or a DM in the past few weeks and I havent gotten to it yet i am so sorry but it may still be a hot minute until i do due to irl stuff + my mental health

dont worry im doing fine ive just been heavily prioritizing irl stuff and i have accidentally let DMs and such build up so I will try to pick away at them when the hectic weeks stop coming

[trials-of-a-spirit-worker]

Spirit Work Basics

You voted, I listened. I meant it. So buckle up as we go through the basics of Spirit Work.

I've touched on this on other posts but I'll make a massive post here. This is not going to explain everything and will still be pretty broad. Cause I do not have the time, the knowledge, nor patience to try and explain EVERYTHING.

But I do hope it helps.

Look under the tags advice, spirit communication, spirit work for more detail.

So hello, I'm Sol. I've been working with spirits since I realized I was speaking with them. I had the gift since I was a young child, first spirit I saw being my grandfather on my father's side shortly after he passed away. He was a pastor, supposedly, I was doing the best I could to repeat his favorite verses despite me being a small little shit. I don't remember the verses, I do remember speaking to him a lot however.

Which is where we'll begin, how to speak to spirits.

Maybe she's born with it? Maybe it's insanity~♪

Well, how do we begin with speaking with spirits? There's a number of ways, actually. Some do have the natural ability, like myself but that shouldn't discourage people who are newly trying and don't have that natural affinity for it. Spirits can and will talk to anyone if you open yourself up. Just takes a bit of work. But Sol, you may ask, how do I do that?

If you've been on witchblr for a bit you know what I'm about to say next: Yup.

Meditate.

Now listen, meditation is a way to open yourself up to the spirits around you or just at least signal "hey, I'm open to talk to." It gives you a good sense of your own energy and the energy around you. Meditation doesn't have one look either. A lot of people can't just sit still and kept their legs crossed or be on their knees with their eyes closed (I see you ADHD/ADD people). Hell, my lazy ass will meditate lying down.

Literally the definition of Meditation: to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness. transitive verb. : to focus one's thoughts on : reflect on or ponder over. (merriam webster)

It's pretty broad, right? Hell, you can even work out and meditate. I do it all the time. Cause I focus on my breathing and the feeling of energy through my body. Basically you can get creative with it.

While you're meditating, make sure you're feeling your own energy. This can come in a number of ways; waves, your heartbeat, a feeling of something cloaking you etc. While you have that feeling down, envision an opening, whether its a door, or just acknowledging you're reaching out to the other side. Whether or not you get an answer back, you are putting yourself out there and that's half the battle done. Just be sure to know how to close yourself and ward your body. Spirit work and opening yourself like that is no joke and I'd like you to be safe.

To do that, just envision whatever you had opened closed or recede back or whatever you used that worked for you.

Signs to Look for

Some of the more common tells of a spirit hearing and trying to communicate are of the following:

Small echos/voices in the back of your head

Random thoughts that may not be your own

Knocks or things shuffling

Strange dreams

Small phantom touches

Feelings of being watched

And Many More!

"But Sol," some of you might say, "that's really fucking vague and could just be explained away."

Yeah...welcome to spirit work. You thought this shit was easy?!

You have to work on your discernment. It is a skill needed for this type of work.

Seems counterproductive, but it's not! See, if every bump and noise was reported as ghosts or spirits, well...we'd be even less believed than we already are. When doing spirit work, or ghost hunting, you are stuck with the burden of proof and it's a huge burden to have. This is why people ask for repeats of actions, to speak again in recorders and other things. We're asking for repetition, because science is prevalent, especially in spiritualism and occultism. We have to be our own skeptics so when we have something that can't be explained away, we truly have something to celebrate.

Tools on the Job

No one said you had to do this all on vibes. No shame in using tools. I'll more than likely take the time to make specific posts about each tool in the future cause this post is already really long but I'll give you a nice rundown of basic tools.

By the way anyone who tries to shame you for using tools or says "only trainee or baby witches use this or that" are tools themselves (not the good or useful kind) and should not be given the time of day. Tools are fine. Use them for help if you need it because that's what the fuck a tool is for.

Now these aren't all the tools you can use but I'll give you some well known ones. I've seen witches get real creative and it's honestly super cool watching them use strange things that you'd never think about as a witchcraft tool. But that's what makes it so fun.

Tarot cards

Tarot is something I often use. 78 cards all with different meanings. There's many many ways to interpret them and multiple themes that many of them have.

My best advice for these are to just look up the overall meanings both upright and reversed just to have a general consensus of each card. Play around with them a lot, and interpret them the way you would as if you were making a story with them. You can also use them for spirit communication.

Calling forth a spirit allowing them to touch the deck (just leave it for a moment and allow them to influence the deck as it were before doing the spread). Holds a lot of power in your hands but is a little slow.

Pendulum

A pendulum is usually a crystal tied to a string or a chain that can be swung over a board of either yes or no or maybe for its options. Sometimes there is a mock ouija for the pendulum to spell out things as well.

Cool thing about a pendulum is it can be anything that swings if you wish. Some people I've seen take off their necklace and use it as a pendulum just fine. Just have a singular point and you can get to work anywhere with it. Please make sure to ward yourself from invading or malevolent spirits when you do this though.

Lots of pendulum or spirit boards exist and have different templates as well.

This is more of a call and response type of device to use. Especially when you feel a spirit present Still has a fair bit of control in your hands.

Ouija board

The infamous kids game works around the same way a pendulum does, except there is a planchette that slides over the board. This is a call and response based tool much like a pendulum. However, it is a little easier for the ghost to manipulate and control. Which is where all the stupid stories of ghosts completely taking over and fucking up shit takes place. Also, half of the biggest problems are just humans being humans which means victims of groupthink. So... stupidity. Someone freaked so you all freak...the energy gets bad and shit happens. Do your best to remain calm and just work through it.

Also no. ZOZO XOX 2O2O etc does not want your ass. Many spirits claim that shit to get a rise out of you anyway. Guys...no, I swear it does not happen. This is main character energy that none of us have...or want! Even if a demonic entity came in to fuck with you, there are plenty of other ways to do it. Be fucking for real.

Please remain kind and courteous to who you contact. Do not let your paranoia about this tool make you do stupid things. Always say goodbye when you are finished. Try and stay as calm as you can.

Never. Ever leave the planchette on the board unattended. Lest you get an unwanted guest or one that'll overstay their welcome.

Crystal Ball

Crystal Balls are a good way to detect energies. This is normally used in a private setting cause it desires a lot of concentration. Now, I'm admittedly not that knowledgeable in this because I don't use my crystal ball often.

Also, your crystal ball doesn't have to be clear. Mine is obsidian and I love her.

When having your question, focus on it and concentrate. Make sure it is open ended. I mean you can have yes or no, but it's gonna be a bitch to decipher a yes or no answer.

Close your eyes and let the answers come to you in the forms of images and colors and such, examine all you can as just let your intuition work.

Sounds simple but its a rather interesting art form to work on. Symbols and such can confuse you and it's heavy on your interpretation. I'm sure there's books and stuff out there for a general view of this symbol you see might mean this or that but...largely, this is a true test of how you read your intuition.

I'd do it more, if I wasn't closeted and lived with nosy closed-minded people.

C'est la vie.

One important thing though...don't leave your ball uncovered. Especially if it's clear. That's how you end up with burned shit. Those bitches are like mega magnifying glasses. And it happens faster than you think. Science is scary.

Mirror/Water Scrying

Mirror and water scrying is kind of the same as a crystal ball except it's a quicker and often less expensive way to work on your divination.

Some people have a specific mirror that they black out and scry that way. Others have a scrying bowl made for divination alone. It's just as good. You can use any bowl or mirror however. Just be sure to cleanse the area before you start and after you're done.

Some thank the water used for divination before putting it down the sink or in the earth. But that's more of an individual's choice/belief/faith than anything else.

Lots of occultism and spiritualism has a thing with mirrors being portals, openings, etc to the otherside and can bring some unwanted visitors.

And as someone who now sleeps with their mirror facing the wall now, I will say I believe a lot of what people say on that.

I want a goodnights sleep damnit.

Just be sure to cleanse your tools after use. Better safe than sorry.

ETC.

There's a lot of creative ways people can use these tools and magic. So don't think of magic as a recipe for how to be a witch or do witchcraft. That's half the fun of witchcraft.

Discovery.

Finding ways to do things, to hear, to see, to communicate. Yes there are certain tools that work better than others but, we as individual people also work in different ways.

There's a psychic out there who reads asparagus like bones. There's someone who will scry with a puddle on the ground they found. People have their own methods and ways to work their magic and we should learn from them. So if you have some non normal tactic or even something unsual, embrace it to the fullest.

I divine with music. If you ask me it's Apollo's influence. My spirits communicate with music.

When I meet people and get a good vibe on them a song comes to mind, and even if I forget your face, your voice, who you are, that song will remind me what I think of you. Songs pop up in my head when people associated with it are close.

I'm not going to say I'm the only one in the world who does this, cause that would be some bs. But its my tactic and its natural.

Do what is natural for you and not what other witches say you should do.

Even me, I beg you not to try and emulate or follow my advice down to a T if it doesn't work for you. Don't force it to work.

I am just one person, one voice spouting some advice. Take what you can from it, take what helps and work your own path. And then in turn do the same. I'm a path offering person not a director. But that's...just...me...

"But Sol, how do I speak to spirits?"

Talk.

Yeah, that simple. Talk.

This can be in a lot of forms. Some write and burn letters to ancestors, or past family members. Set up a placement for talking to them. Admittedly, a lot of spirit work and communication is experimental. We just warn you over some things because they've happened enough for us as a collective to go ah, a pattern.

I have urns at home so it's pretty easy to say hello in that case.

I am NOT telling you to go into a graveyard and just go wussap. No. Some spirits don't want your tomfuckery. Also if they're feeling really chatty all at once you might get overwhelmed and you will not have a good time. Read the dead room.

Open yourself up. WARD YOURSELF FIRST! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS. But yeah open yourself up. Learn how to open your pathways and close them first. That comes with meditating. Yes, this is why damn near all of us nag the shit out of y'all about meditating.

Just talk and listen. It won't happen immediately. It takes time and a careful ear. Remember signs to look for. You might spot them before you hear them. Small instances of shadows out the corner of your eye. A touch from nowhere, a shiver down your spine. Other things going off or being moved, etc. Slowly, someone or something will receive your message and try to respond in kind.

When you get these small responses, just keep calm and say hello or acknowledge what they've done.

"Oh, someone's here"

"Hello there"

"Are you still here?"

It'll be awkward (try to remember where you are, don't be a weirdo in public), but overtime you'll get better at it.

Conclusion!

Like any skill, spirit communication takes practice.

There are a vast plethora of ways to communicate with tools that I haven't mentioned as well, like automatic writing which is a pretty good beginner way to jump in.

Just have a pen/pencil on paper, write what comes to mind. Its a good way to practice hearing and catching signs as well.

And something I will never stop saying is you don't have to take this journey alone! Especially if you don't want to. Find someone experienced to start this journey with. Someone who calms you, who can support you. Support and asking for help is good. Last thing any of us want is for you to get hurt or scared out of doing this if this is something you really want to do. So call us, talk to us. Confide in more experienced people.

So many times on this site and other places, we are begging to form this beautiful network so we can help one another, give advice, hang out etc.

We are right here, just reach out for us. You'll get a hand back in kind.

[memes-in-a-half-shell]

Hallo 🙋‍♀️

I realize I haven't posted here in quite some time!!

Am I braindead? Always 💅 Am I abandonning this fandom? No, simply taking a mental break 🙆‍♀️ What's up? I'm in Baldur's Gate 3 brainrot hell and I'm LIVING FOR IT. 💃 (I shitpost a lot on Twitter)

I've straightened up a lot of priorities in the last few months: - Commissions are now forever closed. No more. Never. Nada. I am absolutely done with it. The last few ones I did over the last few months made me realize that I do not enjoy drawing for others anymore unless it's for shits and giggles, or a trade with friends. (no, do not try to be my friend to get free art. been there, done that)

- I am revisiting my deep love for medieval fantasy stuff. That is where I've always felt more creative and generally inspired. The last few drawings I did and texts I've written really reflect that. (I do plan on continuing some of my tmnt fics tho, that's for sure)

- I do not see the need to push content as much over the years. I am satisfied with doing things for myself, and frankly I've been gaining less and less traction over time because of how sporadically I post in general. The internet is really strange now with its algorithms and views and "for you" pages, etc. BLEHRG. If people find my stuff and like it, good for them. Otherwise, I post for myself or just don't post at all 🤷‍♀️ as long as I'm happy, that's what matters.

- Not gonna lie, I'm also doing this to prepare myself mentally to not be so dependant of the internet and having my sole source of happiness come from it. My partner and I have some plans for the future - some which involve actually starting a family - so I know the internet cannot be a priority.

- My career is taking a lot of twists and turns. I am more involved in the video game development sphere and I'm aiming for roles up high in management. Things are moving fast this year and I might get where I want to be sooner than later. That is going to take a lot of my time and energy. So any free time I have, I want it to be for ME.

So uhhhhhhh, that's the big lines I guess. I see lots of drama on the internet and I will have none of that. I'll stay in my bubble and enjoy my stuff however I want. I'll post stuff to make people laugh 'cause the world is so ugly and sad these days. We need some sunshine 💜

Love you all 💜

[inevitably-johnlocked]

so are you on hiatus or still posting or...? what's the deal w/that

Hey Anon...

I'm not sure if you're just joshing me or being silly, or are being serious or whatever but your ask comes off as rude, especially since I try to have a post every half hour or so from 8 AM EST until noon DAILY (since I discovered those are my peak hours), unless I have no content, which y'all provide me with through asks and suggestions. I have posted fic recs EVERY Friday for over 3 years and curate a fic rec list nearly every Sunday unless I take a break / holiday. My blog tags are specifically designed to show me where in the cycle a post is, and, a lot of the "selling" point to this blog is its interactivity (where I check the replies and additions on every post that reblogs each day and I tack it onto the main post).

Granted, I don't post nearly as much as I used to (because it was affecting my mental health, and I have a day job I work between 40 and 60 hours a week with very little free time, and I'm back at the office so I can't post during work hours anymore) so I had to cut my queue back to auto-post 3 posts a day so I don't run out of posts before month's end. I also prep my blog the night before the next day, so I spend anywhere between 2 and 4 hours NIGHTLY, AFTER my day job, to file, answer asks, and schedule posts so that my blog LOOKS active.

AND if no one sends me asks or asks I'm not ready to answer (bad headspace, too long to reply so I save it for another day, etc), then the queue the next day is, admittedly, smaller and instead is about 1 post an hour up until 3 PM EST. All my new posts from asks get answered and posted between 8 AM and 11 AM, unless I have no content / next-day-reblogs, then I slot other asks into the 11 AM until 2 PM slots. I try not to do that on first posting, though, 'cause as I said, my peak hours are early morning so I'd rather have people see those ones first.

When I'm on hiatus, I pin a post to my blog. My Lovelies and Lurkers™ know when I am on Hiatus and are very understanding and know that I am a human being who needs a break once in awhile. I'm sorry I'm not posting up to your standards, Anon, I truly am, but I just physically can't anymore, since like, 90% of my free time is dedicated to either sorting fics or answering asks. And I don't really have the energy to do it at the rate I was doing it when I was working from home. I rarely take a break from this blog as it is.

Perhaps Tumblr has unfollowed you from my blog, which is why you don't see my posts anymore (it has happened, I've had to re-follow people before), but I can assure you, I have new content DAILY unless I have no asks I'm ready to answer. Some days are less than others, because, again, I am only human, and I have no obligation to provide content daily. I do it because I LOVE doing it. But asks like this make me feel like all my work is for naught. *shrugs*

Less is more, Anon. 💜🖤

[madeupoflowers]

Your next glow-up!😗💅🧚🏻‍♀️

LMAO ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE POSTED BUT NO FEAR IM HERE NOW.

Excited I got more posts coming as soon as I finish editing them.

Now, pick a Mina Myoi(from left to right) and whichever picture(s) tug at your heart has a message for you! If nothing happens then thats fine as well, this post may not have a message for you yet. Take care and I hope you all enjoy. Sending lots of fairy dust to you lovelies.😗💕💗🧚🏻‍♀️

Pile 1

My instant though when putting down the cards was “counseling or psychiatric”. I feel if you chose this pile you are definitely going to prioritize your mental health more. There are deep wounds here and I’m so happy to see you all seeking the help your hearts need. Healing from toxic illusions and patterns passed onto you and healing your wounded/broken heart. I feel someone here got screwed over by a former institution or mental health worker, someone you spilled your heart out too who completely let you down. You’ll be taking a big and brave step to opening your heart a little bit to seek help again. I see someone breaking their shackles and them falling onto the floor and shattering as if they were made of glass. Don’t mind the slight graphic nature of my next sentence but you will be shedding your skin and becoming a whole new and different person. Trust me when I say it’ll be the best thing to happen because you will find inner peace. You will take more time for yourself and have no guilt for it. You are finally gonna be seeing your worth and God…that makes me so damn proud of you. Cheers to you babe. Wishing you the best of luck!! <3

Channeled messages: silver cup, lysol wipes(idk either dude), Virgo, mint, dark colored eyes, Keanu Reeves, 16

(such a beautiful cover of Coldplay’s, (Yellow)

Pile 2 

OHHHHHH DAMN HONEEEYYY. Ok ok I’ll stop. Y’all have been putting in work for what may feel like such a long damn time already. Well hon let me tell you it was all worth it and now your luck is about to change for the absolute best. I got the Empress and Queen of pentacles/and wands in this reading(bare in mind this is for all genders so don’t let Empress or Queen catch you off guard) so you will be growing into the most true and comfortable side of yourself. It is who you have seemed to have been unsure of for so long and maybe even insecure. I feel some people here have been uncomfortable with their natural feminine/masculine energy and have been trying to reject it but now you will see the value in it. I see this is really gonna surprise many around you as it may literally be you waking up one day and saying “Fuck it, this is who I am.” I see cutting a few people off specifically two people are standing out here. These people have either been up in your physical space and leeching off of you even or taking up space in your mind and causing distress. Either way they have been real douchebags and you are D.O.N.E. You are gonna get rid of those holding you back. You will step into your power and take the reigns and ride off into the fucking sunset. Good for you babes. Shame on those that thought they could take your power from you cause shiiit, they are about to regret it. 

Channeled messages: a significant necklace, silver star stickers, gold, sunflower, snakes slithering around, clouds, oranges, wind chimes

Pile 3

Yup, this is the break up pile. Situationship/lead on/third party/etc. You have been stuck in a situation where you didn’t know which step to take, almost like you find your worth in others especially romantic partners. Now this shit is about to shift. You are taking that power back for yourself and giving no fucks about it. You went from the Page to the Queen of wands. You are tired of these useless battles and waste of time. Giving more and accepting less than you fucking deserve. Ugh I’m feeling angry all of a sudden and like I wanna scream, you have been holding this frustration and burden in for so long. Let it all out honey. You decide if this is how you wanna live your truth. You want someone who puts in 100%? Then accept NOTHING less. You understand me? Know you don’t need to settle for ‘Page’ like personalities(negative Pages: immature, unfaithful, angry, guilt trip, unmotivated.) but King/Queen like personalities whether that be in love or friendships. I see you loving yourself more and taking time for yourself. Loving yourself the way you would want to be truly loved. Babes, you are stepping into such a powerful era I am so excited for you. You aren’t gonna settle for anything less, you are becoming aware of how much of this life if all in your hands. Take your power back. This is your life. Not anyone else's. You better remember that. Good luck hon. I’m rooting for you!

Channeled messages: Joan of Arc, Athena, maple, the Phoenix from Harry Potter, amber eyes, pink silk, Taurus, sound of flowing water, smell of moss, humidity, the Earth after it just rained, 11, waxing crescent moon

(Hehe I love this song. Pink is so snarky and hilarious. Highly recommend a listen!)

Pile 4:

Ahhh yes every reading seems to have this pile lol. Y’all got mostly Court and Major arcana cards. Literally only one Minor Arcana. Wow. If you chose this pile I know damn well you are not letting any of these bitches take your kindness for weakness. You are so kind and giving but I feel on the surface you protect yourself like a Spartan going into battle. It sucks you had to have been abused so much to have to harden and protect yourself like that. It makes me so mad and disgusted. Know your next glow up is learning how to keep balance when it comes to being sensitive but also not a push-over. I feel you guard yourself too much it could accidentally pinch those you love dearly and even yourself. Balance is a challenge for you, I can feel it. That’s gonna be one of the main lessons this time honey, you will learn how to play the cards of your own game and not subconsciously put those in other people’s hands. You of course are a naturally strong and protective soul, you’d fight and maybe even kill for the ones you love. Know that you don’t gotta choose a side of yourself. You don’t gotta repress yourself. In the end all those little pieces of you are what makes you this whole, powerful and amazing human being. This unique soul. Take zero guilt for setting boundaries and laugh until you tear up. I know being vulnerable is such a challenge and won’t be healed over night but I see you opening up gradually and surly. To me that is beyond beautiful. I’m so proud you. I believe you so much. Sending my love to you. Channeled messages: ENTJ, yin & yang, colorful beads, silver wire, yellow daisies, black top, green eyes, Aries, deli, India, ‘the land of the rising sun’, the word ‘Ancient’(instantly thought of a very old soul)

[sincerelylaurel]

how to recover from creative burnout

writingwithacutlass on instagram <3

source: me :)

hello and welcome back :) today’s post covers some things that i’ve struggled with a lot over the course of my life. i get burnt out super quick and i’ve learned some methods that personally help me connect with my creativity again. keep in mind these things are different for everyone and may or may not work for you. hope these tips help!

selfcare !!

selfcare is extremely important when you’re burnt out. take care of yourself both physically and mentally. give yourself breaks and don’t think of work or whatever it is you have left to do that day. even if this means you’re getting less done, you’ll actually get more done in the long run because you’ll have regained your energy to do work better and faster.

creativity is not work

most of you consider writing a hobby and not a career. creative things are not supposed to feel like work! when you start to think of it as a job you need to get done by this and that deadline, it immediately takes the spark out of it. remember this is something fun, a talent you have, and not homework or your job.

take a break

often this is necessary for our creative muse to “rest” and become refreshed. put your project aside for a week, a month, or even a year if that’s what you need. often when i suffer from creative burnout, i don’t write for about six months.

start something new

start a brand-new project, one of those in-the-moment ideas you’ll probably abandon later. you know what i’m talking about. perhaps you have a document/folder of ideas you hoped you’d someday have the time to flesh out and write. do it now! even if you don’t finish it, the point is to have fun and fall in love with what you’re doing.

prompts

sometimes we just need to push ourselves a little. find some fun writing prompts and write a short story or a one-shot. short pieces of writing are great for recovering from creative burnout because you’ll be doing something creative that doesn’t require long-term commitment. sometimes the idea of writing an entire novel is daunting and unmotivating, leading to creative burnout. try your hand at poetry as well!

comparison

i think one of the biggest causes for creative burnout (at least, for me) is comparison. i often compare myself to people on social media who write a book in three months and share their progress. this is great, and i’m so proud of these people and i really admire them, but seeing them share their word count on their story everyday can be unmotivating for me because i can’t write 3k everyday and they can, apparently. this was the main reason i took a few unexpected hiatuses from this account previously. i just couldn’t be on social media without comparing myself to others who were being more productive and successful than me.

remind yourself why you love this

take a second to remember why you started writing. why do you love doing this? what are your dreams? close your eyes and imagine yourself living all those amazing dreams of yours. personally, i like to go through old documents and read the stories i wrote when i was like nine. i love seeing how far i’ve come, and often it reminds me what my own writing style looks like, because even though my nine-year-old writing wasn’t good, it was original. and creative. and honestly i love it for all its imperfections and flaws and room for growth.

learn to say no and set boundaries

one main cause for creative burnout is taking on too many projects at once. this is okay if you are able to be flexible and switch between different wips without putting too much pressure on yourself, but once you start pushing yourself too hard it’s a problem. learn to say no to new ideas and projects, and set some boundaries for yourself to protect your well-being. for example, have a rule that you can only work on two wips at once, or only write for an hour a day. although this can feel like you’re simply limiting yourself even more, this will help you keep writing fun and prevent you from slipping into the horrendous abyss of creative burnout.

[crystalsenergy]

how to improve Saturn placements? - evolving our personality #1

the purpose of this text is to bring a possibility to improve negative points in us from other positions [which you may or may not have in your natal chart]. sometimes the potential for improvement is already outlined as a trend inside yourself. other times the potential will need to be created. but as long as you assume that you need to improve, you are already taking the first step.

I'm going to put positions according to this post here about the shadows of our personality, leaving from the assumption that what brings us more suffering may be precisely in these positions cited in the post.

SATURN PLACEMENTS

Saturn in Aries / Saturn in 1st house -> Jupiter in 1st house

in other words, you need to learn to have more self-confidence, a dose of trusting yourself more easily, being less afraid of starting things, getting to know something new, or picking up on something you've already started. you need more willpower, to notice more positive things about yourself. it's also important to note that you may have a tendency to be more closed in admitting your problems. the construction of awareness about your individuality needs to take place. you must be optimistic and less pessimistic about yourself and your potential.

Saturn in Taurus / Saturn in 2nd house -> Venus in 2nd house / Venus in Taurus

Saturn in Taurus or in the 2nd house brings the problem of lack of self-worth, of not being able to feel good enough for some situations. there may be a certain pessimism (not as strong as that of Saturn in the 9th house), but a "certainty" that things won't work out in the area of ​​finance and love. it may be that ppl feel bad about they value to someone, it may be that they have trouble finding satisfaction in things, they may have difficulty feeling loved enough and/or supplied by the things around them. thus, those who have this placement need to notice patterns in themselves of not valuing themselves, not feeling good enough for a specific goal or person. self-worth in the sense of beauty, aesthetics and value seen by others is something to be worked on, primarily from the inside. taking as an example Venus in Taurus, excellent position to notice where you need to improve, it is important that you see your value, know how to relax, enjoy small pleasures in life, learn to invest in yourself, see the value of money and your efforts, and always continue to be persistent.

Saturn in Gemini / Saturn in 3rd house -> Mercury in Gemini / Mars in 3rd house

considering what a native with Saturn in Gemini or in the 3rd house tends to feel, it's important that these people learn to incorporate some points, which necessarily need to include: self-confidence in speech and ability to express themselves without censorship. this can be helped especially by Mercury in Gemini and Mars in the 3rd house (or also Mars in Gemini). It's important that you understand the need to speak what you think, not unthinkingly - which I imagine would be very difficult to happen, knowing this position -, but in a more confident way, even a little impulsive in some situations (emphasizing: some situations). It's important to allow your head to function naturally with regard to your mental processes and thoughts so that you will learn to express yourself without so many internal limitations.

Saturn in Cancer / Saturn in 4th house -> Uranus in 4th house

in other words, you need to develop less emotional dependency. you must be more open about your inner life, and you must learn to develop a healthy dichotomy, not the duality that this placement tends to bring: Saturn in Cancer / in the 4th house brings a tendency to become more emotionally closed, conveying an impression to others that you are very well resolved and live well with almost everything in life. this is a need Saturn gives to people: need for control. but this control may not always be healthy, as it's most often. Saturn tends to create a strong possibility of extreme behaviors, due to the internal fear and rigidity that are generated. the person is constantly closing in, but she/he is extremely vulnerable. however, what must be learned from Uranus in the 4th house is another duality, a little healthier and more advantageous for those who have this position: that of being more open about internal issues, but also not being dependent.

Saturn in Leo / Saturn in 5th house -> Sun in Leo

there is no way for me to talk about improving this Saturn placement without mentioning Sun in Leo. bearing in mind that Saturn in Leo and the 5th house gives a tendency to ppl feel less able to express themselves, less able to show the world their potential, their abilities, or simply appearing, it's important that the opposite is nurtured by the native: it's necessary to understand that yes, you have an individual power, you have potential that can be worked, we all do. you have the capacity to achieve something, to ascend, to lead, if necessary. and it's also necessary to work on the idea of ​​self-esteem and on the construction of a less fragile ego (which exists in a healthy Sun in Leo).

Saturn in Virgo / Saturn in 6th house -> Mars in Virgo, Uranus in 6th house

two things need to be worked on at the same time: discipline and your ability to be less rigid. yes, it's quite dual, almost opposite. but that's what happens with Saturn in Virgo / Saturn in the 6th house, often the natives can't move because of an excessive concern with details, because they think too much about everything, charge themselves even before the task is started, which it brings an air of rigidity and discipline, but it's exactly what keeps them from moving out of place: excess. with regard to the excess rigidity that causes a person to freeze, Uranus in the 6th house can help, given the energy of more unpredictability and independence from patterns and the like. another thing that is also likely to occur with this Saturn placement is procrastination and wasting time on frivolous things, as well as an aura of laziness (which creates tremendous guilt). with regard to this problem, Mars in Virgo (or Mars in the 6th house) can help, as this placement of Mars is pure fuel to be practical, agile, diligent and organized.

Saturn in Libra / Saturn in 7th house -> Venus in Libra, Uranus in 7th house

this position generates in people a dichotomy of being closed to love and emotional situations, but, at the same time, being very dependent on loving relationships, for fear of loss, of being alone. to the point of a person who blocks too much from getting into relationships, Venus in Libra can help by bringing a desire to be with someone in a healthier way, from the idea of ​​sharing something with the other person, of living together and feel good from the company of other. on the other hand, as it's also necessary to take care of the dependency issue, Uranus in the 7th house is very useful, so that the person doesn't have an extreme need for the other to the point of getting lost in the middle of it and not being able to go out anymore. It's important to be open to love, but always understanding that a little independence, valuing the individuality of the other, can also be good.

Saturn in Scorpio / Saturn in 8th house -> Mars in Scorpio, Uranus in 8th house

these Saturn placements bring a great fear of change, an aversion to being psychologically open. here, there is a person who seems impenetrable because he/she hides his/her fears, traumas and problems. these people don't like to break taboos. for being somewhat conservative and closed minded to everything that the sign and the house placed means, it's very important that they know the need to be more open to different circumstances of life. it's important to understand that it's part of life: being intimate with others, knowing deeper and even 'dark' sides of yourself, understanding sex as something natural (Mars in Scorpio will help with these things); besides it's also important to understand that it's part of life to have psychological transformations, a greater openness to taboos and to understand human complexity (Uranus in the 8th house will help with this). thus, you'll be able to reach another level in your life.

Saturn in Sagittarius / Saturn in 9th house -> Uranus in 9th house

one of the marks of Saturn in Sagittarius is the issue of redemption to some philosophy or ready-made idea that aims to explain life. here, the native has a great fear of being impacted by the depth of knowledge - depth that marks the uncertainty of life and its ephemerality -, and therefore, the tendency of this native is to hide behind a philosophy or 'certainty' that supports and gives comfort. therefore, people tend to close themselves off and live in a tremendous comfort zone, or rather a bubble, in which only what they have decided to accept as the general premise of their life makes sense. it can also generate a lot of pessimism, a more closed and even prejudiced view of other people. thus, it's more than necessary to understand that life is much more than what you heard in some corner when you were child and that you share within yourself today, there are several truths, but none of them is absolute. and that's the grace of life, knowing more and more, and understanding the value of diversity and the impossibility of being sure of something all the time. open up to other philosophies of life, religion, get out of your comfort zone, question things and your limiting beliefs more. don't cover yourself so much in relation to higher education and have more autonomy when knowing a deeper subject, don't depend on someone for that. all of this can be learned through Uranus in the 9th house.

Saturn in Capricorn / Saturn in 10th house -> Mars in Capricorn

this position of Saturn is one of the least painful that Saturn can bring, however, on the other hand, it can increase in the dose of rigidity and vision totally focused on what is concrete, objective, earthly, forgetting other sides of life. and despite not being one of the worst positions to have on Saturn, it brings many difficulties with regard to career and achieving goals. either because the person feels incapable, having some internal blockage, a mistaken idea of ​​her/himself, of her/his potential, or because during her life the person ends up encountering many barriers to finally ascend professionally. in this situation, it's extremely necessary for the native to use all the energy she/he has in order to put the will and potential out. this is made possible more powerfully by what represents Mars in Capricorn, a placement of great ambition, but which represents the capacity that may be lacking in these placements of Saturn.

Saturn in Aquarius / Saturn in 11th house -> Venus in Aquarius, Uranus in 11th house

one of the things that these positions bring most difficulty to a person is the tendency for them to exclude themselves from others, either for fear of group acceptance, or for not feeling good about being with other people, preferring solitude. this positioning brings a behavior of being more independent, having few friends and being more closed to others. you may also be more closed-minded to try original, new, and surprising things, even if you have the creativity to do so. another problem to be faced is a strong tendency not to trust people. Venus in Aquarius and Uranus in the 11th house help with this because the first placement is more focused on living in a group, making friends, representing a more sociable person, and the second doesn't fail to cultivate people's independence, but still remains open to friendships.

Saturn in Pisces / Saturn in 12th house -> Sun in Pisces, Moon in Pisces

this is a dense, complicated position, which gives people a feeling that they must be completely rigid and closed to their inner life, their inner space, but the more people try to escape, the more they are led to face this side of their personality. this position represents problems with mental health, issues of closing oneself to deeper contacts with people, difficulty with empathy, altruism. the person can be made to think more often about life, and have existential crises. Moon in Pisces and Sun in Pisces can help with these strong sensations as the placements bring greater openness to introspection, which makes the person less tempted to close off from the inner reflections - which will arise!! -, making the person too able to be more selfless and to show her/his compassion and empathy for others more openly.

[illusion-reality-steve]

Reaction to “I escaped the Darkness” and “Steves acting suspicious” - Rainbow Quest Eps. 136 and 137

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrp7_Wq9moE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEOWkwZkzEk

I apologize for the delay with this reaction series. I really had to take a break to mull over my Thoughts about Shadow Sabre and his discussion about love. But now I’m back.

I’m going to pay more attention to Shadow Sabre, Sabre, and Violet’s characterization since it means a lot to me that I figure out Rainbow Quest’s view on people who love and people who don’t love. I’ll be writing textual evidence in a file and writing my analysis in a separate file, for a future post, while my general fresh reactions will be documenting in the “Reaction” series.

So as a forewarning: I might be taking more breaks as I bingewatch Rainbow Quest as I work on taking notes and over-thinking the tiniest quotes for my analysis project, which means I’ll be slower with catching up on the series. Thank you in advance for your patience!

Anyways, resume the reactions!

The clock ticking noises in the intro makes me wonder if Time will get a more significant, potentially scary, role in this series.

[Screenshot of the destroyed giant statue in the destroyed original Rainbow hub]

Why do I have the mental image of the Darkness biting that statue as if it were a gingerbread man?

Shadow Sabre is starting to radiate the “Are you winning, son?” energy. Except he’s saying “Are you falling into the darkness, son?” instead.

**

Sabre: I’d rather have friends and then lose them, then to have none at all.

Me: Well, good news, Sabre! You will lose all your friends after what you do in the Rainbow Quest finale! You have to say goodbye to all of them!

Yup, RQ is going with the one vs many theme.

**

Consider this: Rainbow Quest, but every time a character says “want,” the video plays .25x faster

**

Now it sounds like Sabre is agitating a super edgy Internet man by telling Shadow Sabre he is afraid. Shadow getting emotional doesn’t help lmao. The emotional “WE CRAVE NOTHING” is hysterical.

This is satisfying me. Sabre’s Steve-content is at its absolute best when its storytelling criticizes the idea that “edginess = superiority.”

**

Sabre: What we want is for everyone to have their own choices. Not be stripped of their own will, but be given their own will, so that they can avoid this right here!

Heck yes, go Sabre!

But of course, with every discussion of free will, someone will eventually ask the question: “But what about the people who decide to use their free will to cause irreversible damage?” I’m curious to see if RQ will explore this question.

I feel like that question will best be explored in an environment where Darkness doesn’t exist to manipulate Steves. What will Steves, without any manipulation of Darkness, do? Will some of them decide to do damaging things?

So far, the only characters that I know of that don’t get manipulated by Darkness are Sol and Origin Steve. So I’m curious to see what their character arcs will be like and how they explore the idea of free will and a manipulation-less world.

**

Sabre is so freaking badass. Shadow is threatening him. Telling him that he can either embrace the Darkness and give up all emotions, or be stuck reliving painful memories for eternity. And Sabre just went like “bring it on.” And that is epic.

Side note, in a meta sense, it’s odd to see Sabre declare how he’ll always remember the lost loved ones from his adventures. Because in Steve Saga, he spends season 2 forgetting everyone. Four main characters (Rainbow and the Galaxy Fam) also forget their loved ones in the Steve Saga.

We went from Steve “who?” Saga to Rainbow “I will remember” Quest, and I like it. Let the forgotten be remembered!

**

MY BOY LEATHER CHESTPLATE YELLOW. COME HERE, SON.

AND HE’S OPEN-MINDED AND ACTUALLY LISTENING TO SABRE. YESSSS

MY SON, IF YOU CONTINUE BEING SO NICE TO SABRE, YOU WILL BE MY #1 FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THIS SERIES.

Leather Chestplate Yellow: *helps Violet Leader arrest Sabre*

...

:(

**

Shadow in the intro: “Are you sick of being powerless?”

Well, we’ll figure out how Sabre feels about being powerless against the Steves now with his tainted repulation.

**

Sabre: I thought Violet Steves were all about peace because you guys represent love!

Me: Sabre, I’ve seen fandoms tear themselves apart with drama because of their protective love over their favorite IPs. Love. Is. Not. Peaceful.

**

Darn it, now I can’t figure out Shadow Sabre

Is he actually vulnerable and legit got scared when Sabre broke out? Or did he pretend to be scared and give Sabre temporary control just so Sabre can get bullied by the Steves? Reliving the past didn’t work to break Sabre, so Shadow Sabre thought on his feet and through accepting the present would do the trick?

***

The Shadow Sword is a weapon formed from all the destruction Sabre caused? So the Shadow Sword basically has a lot of dead people’s energy inside of it?

...gross.

***

I know plot-wise, they’re avoiding him because they need the Steves to trust him. But if we’re going with the “Darkness is a metaphor of mental illness” interpretation, I get odd vibes about Sabre’s friends wanting to avoid him because he got infected.

Time gets a “good boy” sticker for being understanding. Though I’m wondering why Time didn’t ask Elemental to put Sabre in a pocket dimension though, like with Yellow King and Orange Leader.

And Elemental, you’re strong. If you’re so upset at Sabre, why didn’t you destroy him earlier while Sabre was possessed? I’m guessing Time stopped you, because he knew Sabre would eventually come through.

[starseed-twenty]

Houses determining an 'age stage' 🔮

Okay, so this is a random long post, but.... do you ever think that perhaps the houses in our charts represent the stages in our life? From birth to death? Cause I do.

So basically... the first house (the ascendant) is our energy as soon as we leave the womb. But through life and its dynamic changes, our energy can change into the traits of the sign in the following house because circumstances drive us into having that sign's traits/vibe.

Personally, I'm starting to believe that each of the houses in a person's birth chart holds a stage or period of time in your life where your energy is more focused in that area/house. That's why you'll hear for example "if your 4H is in Sag, you most likely grew up in a carefree home"... cause at the time you were growing up, your energy was focusing on the 3rd and 4th house. And so you transcend into Sagittarius energy because it is in your 4th house.

For example, a person with a Capricorn Ascendant. At birth, they're calm, reserved little babies, who tend to get upset pretty easily. Until they get a little older (around 3 years old) and start developing these Aquarius traits/energy because of their 2nd house [unless Capricorn is in both 1st and 2nd house]. But once they get to an age where they're making sense of the world and developing a sense of being and being aware of the things they have, this is their 2nd house age stage activated.

Okay, so let me put it like this:

1st house age stage [birth to around 3 years]: Since the 1st house is the house of 'self' and revelation (or showing yourself) to the world, this is how it correlates to birth and being a newborn. 1H rules beginnings, the body, and approach to life. The sign you have in 1H is the sign you act as in your approach to life from the beginning to the end. [Side-note: This is because every house you enter that stage in is carried on with you until you're old and die. So you don't necessarily let go of the house because you're in a new age stage, but it merely becomes dim. It's there, but it's not ruling like the age stage you're currently in].

2nd house [around 3 to 6 years old]: This is the age or stage when you're making sense of the world and develop a sense of being and becoming aware of the things you have, as I mentioned. So you're basically becoming conscious about yourself, whilst adapting to the values, possessions, and skills you have. So the sign you have in 2nd house is how you handle that. For example, if you have Capricorn, you're more stern, careful, and calculative about all the possessions and skills you hold. You normally put those things at a high standard, and it can take a while for you to attain certain things because Saturn (Capricorn's ruler) encourages you to earn all that you have.

3rd house [7 to 10 years old]: At this point, you know who you are, what you have, and how you normally approach life. In trying to develop yourself a bit more, you look around you at who the people around you are. 3rd house is Gemini's house, and Geminis are very conscious beings; of people, things to learn, and their word (a bit too conscious, and that's where the 'two-faced' cliche comes in). So this age stage then comes with using the mind a lot. Learning stuff and getting ideas, speaking about them, knowing what friends are and being close with siblings, if any, and sharing stuff. The sign you have there is how you acted through all of this.

4th house [10 to 13 years old/puberty]: This is when you start grounding yourself and knowing where you come from, who your real family is, the foundations of your soul's intentions (life path), and where you feel secure.

This, I would say, is the basis or core of a person and who they eventually become at their peak or in the public eye. So if they grow up in a home that isn't too stable, they grow to oppose that to become more stable in order to bring balance [because 10th house is the 'aftermath' that's opposing of the 4th house]. So the sign you have in this stage is the sign you live out as [e.g, Sagittarius 4th house had a more free-spirited way of living in their pre-teen age].

5th house - [14 to 18 years old]: Now this is where a lot of us begin our adolescence age, and this is because the 5th house comes with this 'being a teenager' energy. 5th house is about creativity, hobbies, exploring, romance and love affairs, self-expression, and drama. A whole lot of drama. We dramatize the things we go through, our bodies and its changes, things that happen at school and at home, and sometimes the 'situationships' we're in. Everything's just such a story. And that is 5th house energy in act. The sign you have in 5th house is how you'd find yourself going about all of these things.

6th house - [19 to 24 years old]: At this stage, you've seen the world from your perspective and played around with your interests & hobbies, so you come to a point of either wanting to capitalize/profit from those hobbies or talents, or settle on simply trying to make money to become stable because now 'you're an adult'. So with that, you're more focused on working, routines, productivity, and self-improvement. For some, body changes also occur here because the 6th house is also about health and body.

Now the sign you have in your 6th house is most likely how you'll make that money or what your career will be like. For example, a person with Gemini in 6th could pass off as a Youtuber, Instagram Influencer, perhaps a Tiktok star, or anything in a field of communicating to people and spreading ideas or trends in a cool way.

7th house - [24 to 27 years old]: After developing yourself, your career, and your financial health, you then find yourself wanting to settle down romantically and start creating a home. So here come relationships becoming more serious, sharing stuff (your ideas & values going forth, your assets, and your whole life) with someone, and basically getting the real feel of marriage or long-term pairing. But the 7th house doesn't only rule love, it also rules partnerships, contracts, and alliances. So how you are one-on-one with people and merging with them is your 7th house influence at play. The sign in your 7th house is how you present yourself through all of this.

8th house - [27 to 30 years old]: The 8th house is a pretty complicated house, but nonetheless it's very good for growth [through changes]. At this age, many experience events that bring depth or deeply felt peak experiences. It's as if it's this rebirth of some kind where you rediscover yourself. From another standpoint, this is where there's more depth in a relationship/marriage, joint ventures or goals coming together, inheriting some money or assets, and also perhaps feeling really sexually liberated or just simply getting to the point of procreation (and this why most people have or picture having kids at this age). From any of these standpoints, the sign you have in the 8th house is what comes out the most as your energy.

9th house - [31 to 35 years old]: This is the age of you finding the true meaning of life and what your beliefs and values are contrary to what you've been taught, but really establishing your own and sharing them with your significant other or/and children.

This is when you're most philosophical, and have a bit of time for journeys, travel, expanding your knowledge, your taste/style, your beliefs, etc. This is why when you look at a lot of people at this age, they're a bit more settled down on who they've become and there's more of a visibility of what their life is about. The sign you have here manifests as the vibe you give out. For example, a Cancer 9th house more or less has nurturing and maternal energy at this age. They have this motherly or homey vibe towards their expanded mental state in a way where they feel like they have a lot to teach and it comes from a compassionate perspective.

10th house - [35 to 42 years old]: Once you're at this age stage, you're pretty much at the peak of your life because this is when all that you are, where you come from (your roots and home), who you've established yourself as and everything you've worked for reaches its final stage and becomes the real end phase of who you are. Anyone who starts knowing you at this stage can navigate the type of person you are (from your past) and not have a reason to think you'll still change into new characters. There's nothing much to come up with after this as you're practically done creating yourself. All you do now is mainly enjoy the fruits of your labour whilst simultaneously working on the career you been building, and also maintain the public image you've established. Your authority, your power, and your achievements are at their peak here. So the sign you have here is how you show all of this.

11th house - [42 to 50 years old]: This is when you're growing old and out of your peak. You're still a valuable part of the world and play a good role in people's lives, but you're basically leaving that zone of only focusing on yourself and you instead focus more on helping the community or leaving a legacy. The 11th house is about humanitarianism, social/global awareness, the community, social groups, end goals, and the future as a whole. So as you're more focused on these things because you're at the age where there's nothing much else to do but help out and be a great member of society for your final years. The sign you have here though can determine how you act out in all these instances. Cause if you have a Sagittarius 11th house for example, then you could be quite youthful and lowkey a rebel against societal norms. So in you helping out the community, you let people to see this vision that's a different version of norms. Like normalizing stretch marks or bringing a new genre or idea of music or wearing clothes that are weird at first but end up being quirky and cool.

12th house - [50 years old to death]: And at this final age stage of life, you're about to transcend out of your body and purely to your soul, so your soul innately/naturally starts feeling connected to its end stage where it's about to retreat from the world. This could be through last acts of service to humanity, deep connections with spirituality, healing, contentment, confinement, self-reflection, understanding karma, and dreaming. These all occur the most once you get to this age. Depending on the sign you have in this sign, you could experience a deep or light transcendence when you get to this age stage.

BUT - huge disclaimer:

The ages vary according to the maturity of a person's life. So for example, for one person, Cancer is in their 6H but they only start developing into their Cancer age stage at 21. At 19 or 20 they still present their Gemini age stage, because everyone differs, including the maturity of their age stages. So they feel more Cancer at an older age.

So... it depends on your life.

But this is most of the route or path of life many people go through.

Also, I'm starting to believe and see that wherever Cancer is in your house is where you feel pretty maternal/paternal, or you're just really loving and caring towards the people around you.

And wherever Leo is in your houses is most likely your shining point or prime of your life; things work out for the best for you at that Age Stage.

For example, Beyonce has her 10th house in Cancer and right now she's pretty much experiencing her 10th house age stage cause we can see how she's pretty maternal and motherly. Cancer is also pretty emotional so we've seen that after the whole cheating saga, she released all her emotions through an entire album. And Angelina Jolie has Cancer in her 1st house, and like I said 'the sign you have in 1H is the sign you act as in your approach to life from the beginning to the end', we can see how she's always felt pretty maternal, so that's why she's grown to have a lot of children (by even adopting some).

Another example, Rihanna having Leo in her 5th house, that's when she was practically discovered (16). And Kim K, she has Leo in her 9th house and that was when she was at the peak of her fame, from 2013 onwards, when she was beginning her 30's. And Ariana Grande has Leo in her 8th house, which I'd say is the age stage she's in currently, considering how she's the female pop singer that's topping charts the most lately.

So, conclusively, this is why I'd really think Age Stage in the houses is a thing.

And if you are trying to understand why your life is going hella sad and boring for the past 4 or 5 years, try and look at the sign in which your Age Stage is at in the houses. Cause it could be Pisces, Scorpio, or Capricorn. [Their rulers] Saturn, Pluto and Neptune can bring tense and deep energy that can make life pretty hectic. But, there are also profection years, so you can look at those too.

[scripttorture]

One of the central characters in a fantasy story I'm writing has torture as part of her backstory. She was captured by an evil race, and one individual in particular put her through a "training" regime designed to turn her into a useful/trustworthy slave. Specifically the goals of the training were:

- destroy her sense of self / agency

- overwrite her ingrained response of healing herself when injured (she has magical healing powers)

- an affectionate or worshipful disposition towards her captors

- immediate obedience to any command

I feel like both physical and psychological torture / mental conditioning are probably appropriate, though I'm leaning away from including sexual abuse. I honestly don't know much about torture at all and the only things that come to mind as producing a result similar to what I'm looking for are the Game of Thrones torture sequence and the use of obdience collars in the Codex Alera book series. The latter is very interesting to me because it is a magical device that inflicts pain in reaction to disobedience but also inflicts pleasure to reward obedience.

I guess I'm just wondering if you have any advice for what kinds of methods would be good to include in a process designed to produce obedience, rather than torture for its own sake or to extract information, as well as if there are any common pitfalls I should try to avoid in writing about such a thing.

The training itself won't be in the book, but I need to be familiar with it for backstory purposes because later in the story this character encounters her torturer again, and is subjected to some further abuse before she finally overcomes her fear and kills him.

Alright well I’m going to be straight up with you: the scenario you’ve presented is a very common torture apologist trope. It’s incredibly unrealistic. And it’s unrealistic in ways that support torture by claiming it can be ‘useful’.

 Which probably means that you’re new to the blog and haven’t heard me give this talk before. That’s OK, we all learn sometime and it’s not my intention to shame you for the fact you’re not as obsessed with this stuff as I am or couldn’t afford to shell out for the books.

 Torture does not produce obedience. The best evidence we have right now suggests it encourages active resistance.

 If you got a lot of your inspiration from Game of Thrones then frankly I’m not surprised you came up with apologia. The torture in that series is incredibly badly handled. And a big part of the point of running this blog is that most people are getting their information on torture from shows like that. Which happens because the research is inaccessible and hasn’t been popularised the way fictional tropes (sometimes fictional tropes literally started by torturers) have been popularised.

 The important thing is what you choose to do now.

 I’m going to break down the problems here and make some suggestions for what you could do instead.

 Firstly: there is no torture or abuse that will guarantee obedience. Pain does not make people meek or compliant or willing to follow commands.

 Torture survivors are not broken.

 They are not ‘controlled’ by their torturers and the suggestion that they are is used in the real world to bar real survivors from treatment. It is also used to bar them from entering safe countries and to argue that they shouldn’t be allowed visas or passports.

 The best statistics we have for any sort of compliance under torture come from analysis of historical French data where torture was used to try and force confessions (something we know torture can sometimes do).

 The ‘success’ rate averaged at 10%. Under torture 90% of people will not comply long enough to sign their name.

 Secondly: torture does not and can not ‘make’ a victim feel ‘worshipful’ towards their torturer. The suggestion is kind of like asking if someone can tap dance immediately after removing the bones from their legs.

 Torturers have no control over a victim’s emotions. They have no control over their symptoms. They have no control over their beliefs.

 And there is no such thing as a torture that can change someone’s mind in a way torturers can control.

 Once again, this fictional trope is used by politicians and the media to justify marginalising real torture survivors.

 I have read hundreds, possibly thousands, of accounts from torture survivors. I’ve read historic and modern accounts. I’ve read accounts from all sort of people from all over the globe. I have never seen a survivor say anything positive about their torturers. I have never seen anything close to toleration.

 A lot of survivors are blisteringly angry at their torturers. A lot of them feel overwhelming levels of spite and some report literally putting themselves at risk of death in order to spite their torturers. And yes, a lot of them are afraid too. None of these emotions are mutually exclusive.

 Affection is impossible. We are not wired that way.

 Thirdly: I understand that ‘evil races’ are a long standing fantasy trope but it would be remiss of me if I didn’t mention the racism inherent in that idea. That some people are ‘born bad’.

 I’d strongly suggest you look up the Black, Indian and First Nations people that I know are on this site critiquing these kinds of fantasy tropes. Because they will be able to explain it better then I can.

 Fourthly: the term ‘psychological torture’ is a pretty common dog whistle for torture apologia.

 Most of the time tortures that people dub ‘psychological’ are things with real, physical effects that lead to lasting injury and death. They just don’t tend to leave obvious external scars. I use Rejali’s term ‘clean torture’ for these techniques. Researchers distinguish them from scarring tortures because they are harder to detect and prove in court.

 The majority of survivors today will have experienced clean torture. They will have no obvious physical scars. But they will still be disabled. They’re ‘just’ less likely to see any form of justice for it.

 Fifthly: torture is a terrible training method because it decreases a person’s ability to learn.

 Torture causes memory problems. It also often causes lasting physical injuries that make performing basic tasks more difficult. And it causes a lot of serious psychological problems which make performing basic tasks more difficult.

 A trained person who was never tortured will always out perform someone whose training involved torture.

 I probably sound quite angry here.

 I write fantasy and I also write about torture a lot. But I can’t imagine that it’s just flavour for a fantasy world or some artefact of the past. Torture is a real, present threat in the country that I grew up in. If I was to return now I could, literally, be tortured and executed.

 If you want to include torture in your world, in your story then you are committing to telling someone else’s story. You are representing an incredibly marginalised group of people and you are presenting that representation to a third group, one that has never had contact with real torture survivors.

 Are you comfortable with the idea of telling your peers that survivors are still controlled by ‘the enemy’? That they’re passive? That they don’t have the capacity to make their own decisions?

 Are you comfortable knowing that the popularity of this message keeps millions of genocide survivors in refugee camps, blocked from citizenship, aid and safety?

 I understand feeling attached to a story and a character. And I understand that this information is hard to find. Hell I’m probably going to end up with the only English copy of one of the pivotal textbooks because I’m shelling out to get it translated.

 You say you want to write a torture survivor. With respect I don’t think you know what a torture survivor looks like.

 I think the most helpful, and kindest, thing I can do here is describe what torture does to people. Because I can’t tell you whether that’s something you want to write. I could try and rebuild this scenario for you (and if you decide you’re interested in that after reading all of this and all the links then I suggest looking through the blog tags for ICURE, torture as training, Black Widow and Overwatch.) But I think you need to decide whether you actually want to write a torture survivor first.

 Here’s a post on the most common torture apologia tropes.

 Here’s the post on the types of memory problems torture commonly causes. I strongly recommend picking at least one.

 Remember that this would never go away. Improvement and recovery in torture survivors means learning to live with symptoms. The symptoms themselves are permanent.

 It’s a hundred different alarms set up on their phone to try and make up for the forgetfulness that makes them miss appointments. It’s the little bottle of perfume in their pocket to bring themselves back to reality when they get intrusive memories at work.

 Here’s a post on the other common symptoms.

 You want something in the range of 3-5 of those, though more are likely if your character is held for years. Each of them should be severe. Every single symptom should have a large, negative, impact on the character’s daily life.

 Do you know anyone with chronic pain? It warps their world. Work can become impossible. Basic household tasks like getting dressed, cooking, cleaning the dishes are done through gritted teeth or not at all. Hobbies and ‘fun’ activities dwindle as they struggle to find a way to do them that doesn’t hurt. Interaction with other people, even loved ones, can easily become barbed.

 Because the pain makes everything more difficult. It means everything takes more energy, more effort. Which means that things fall by the wayside, whether that’s by a pile of mouldering dishes in the sink or snapping at a child. It means tears and the social judgement that follows them. It means the world narrowing as it gets harder to go out.

 Do you see what I mean? Every part of life.

 That’s an example for one symptom. You need to work out at least four. Then figure out how they interact. Then figure out what the character can do to make her life better.

 With chronic pain that can mean painkillers but it’s always more then that. It’s re-learning how to do things; how to put on trousers without aggravating the bad knee, how to sew with one hand. It means learning to cut down on what they do and it means learning a new sort of flexibility; accepting that there are days when the pain is too much.

 It can mean having the same conversation about disability over and over again. With family, with friends, with colleagues. ‘I can’t do that.’ ‘I can do that sometimes but not always.’ ‘That will hurt me.’ ‘I can’t use that chair.’ ‘I can’t get my arms that high above my shoulders.’ ‘I need help with this.’

 And that sometimes means learning a kind of patience that is really barely held back rage. Or perhaps I’m projecting a little with this last one.

 If you’ve never met a torture survivor, if you’ve never looked at a survivor’s work, then all this is difficult. You’re trying to imagine something from first principals with nothing to fall back on.

 So let’s bring some survivors into the discussion here. Some reality.

 Who’s listened to Fela? How about Bobi Wine?

 Fela Kuti was the father of modern Afro beats music. He was tortured multiple times and during one attack, which destroyed his home, his mother was murdered by the military. When he got out of jail Fela marched her funeral procession past the biggest barracks in Nigeria’s biggest city. He wrote two songs about this attack and he doubled down on his opposition to the military government.

 Fela’s music started causing riots.

 You can read what I have to say about him here. You can listen to his music on youtube.

 Here’s an interview with Bobi Wine, which was conducted shortly after he was tortured in Uganda. He talked about how he was determined to go back and continue fighting. Which he did. He even ran against the president.

 I’ve also got a short piece on Searle who was a cartoonist captured by the Japanese during World War 2. His drawings of what happened in To the Kwai and Back are worth seeing. Especially if you want to write atrocities on this scale. They will show you the scale and how to focus on the small, human elements despite that overwhelming scale.

 Alleg’s The Question is pretty much a must, it’s one of the most thorough accounts from the Franco-Algerian war.

 Monroe’s A Darkling Plain is also a must, it’s a series of interviews with survivors of various different conflicts and atrocities. Some are torture survivors. Some are not. It is essential reading because it shows the variety in survivors as well as giving a sense of their lives beyond the symptoms.

 Finally Amnesty International has literally hundreds of interviews and studies available for free online.

 The most important decision for any story with regards to torture is whether it should be there at all.

 So much of this topic is intimidating and so much of it is difficult to write. Not just in the ‘oh this is horribly effecting’ sense but in the ‘I have twelve things to juggle in this simple scene’ sense.

 Ask yourself what torture adds to this character and this story. What does this backstory actually give this character?

 Because if the point is to have her vulnerable and then ultimately triumphing violently over her attackers I don’t think you want a torture scenario. You could get the same thing from a bad guy trying to drug her and having the kidnapping fail when she fights him off, clumsy but effective nonetheless.

 And she could still come out of something like that traumatised.

 Right now I really don’t see this adding anything but torture apologia to your story.

 Handling torture well in a story means accepting that it can’t be the same story without it. It means watching the characters and narrative warp under the weight of it. It means lasting effects, for all the characters and for the world itself.

 I believe you are capable of writing that if you want to, pet. But this ain’t it.

Edit: I’m having trouble seeing the beginning of the answer here. Can anyone let me know if there are formatting issues again please? The first word in the htmal is ‘Alright’ but what I’m seeing on tumblr starts 8 paragraphs in.

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[azzziiiii]

Dazai Deep Dive???

TW for Suicide, Depression, Alienation, and other things. Please read with caution.

Disclaimer, I of course don't think any of the bad things Dazai did were okay, but I am gonna explain why I think he did them and his reasoning. Reasoning of course does not equal an excuse and explaining why does not mean I condone any of this

Inspired and based on this post by @raventhekittycat

Dazai uses the pronoun "watashi" the most in the anime and manga. Its a very gender netural, and somewhat formal pronoun and very common, but not usually for males in Japan. SO, here's where this gets fun. Dazai is based more off the character from the book No Longer Human than the actual author and in that book a big thing is like alienation and shit. Basically one reason anime/manga Dazai uses 'watashi' is because his character is written to feel alienated and out of place, like he doesn't belong, so using 'watashi' allows him to have the most distance, from people and language and all that shit, cause its the MOST neutral pronoun. It's not that he sees himself as being genderless, it's that he sees himself as being humanless (this is why his ability No Longer Human always hurts me cause I've always had the feeling he didnt feel human). Also, fun fact, in 15 Dazai uses the male-typical pronoun of 'boku', and I think its cause he was comfortable with Chuuya, with his life at the time, but as time goes on he starts using 'watashi', he's using it by the Dark Era episodes. He's using 'watashi' to feel a disconnect from being a human, because he doesn't feel human (No Longer Human hahahahaha cry). He's also letting himself not get as close to people, and for him, using 'watashi' helps him feel that disconnect he thinks is there.

Knowing that Dazai doesn't feel human, that he feels a disconnect from his humanity and other humans, this could help explain why he did some of the things he did. Let's keep in mind he has a record of 138 counts of conspiracy to murder, 312 counts of extortion, and 625 counts of assorted fraud and other crimes. So not a good dude basically. One big thing would be his abuse of Akutagawa. Probably one of his worst crimes in the eyes of the fandom (and I don't disagree with that at all). But, I think a big reason he was willing to do so much is cause he does feel a disconnect from being human. With him not feeling human, he doesn't think it matters what he does. He was told to train Aku and make him strong. So he did, and it didn't matter to him how he did it because he's not 'human'. We see Chuuya be more kind and questioning about many actions that go against his morals, but Dazai frankly doesn't care. Why would he have morals when he doesn't feel human? Morals are definitely a very human thing, and as I've said already, he tries to distance himself from things like that.

"Now the main character in 人間失格/Ningen Shikkaku/No Longer Human states he plays up the part of being the clown, the fool. Because then he can predict people’s actions and he is less scared of them. Fast forward to now. We see Dazai doing that constantly. And we have seen actual suicide attempts by him—the river and the barrel bring two. Dazai is hiding his actual emotions more, wearing the mask of the fool more. He’s doing objectively worse and doesn’t seem to be trying to do better. The only thing that is carrying him through is Oda’s words telling him to be good. But Oda also told him he would never fill the hole in his chest he felt. He told Dazai he is never going to feel better. So Dazai is now living, acting like a better human while feeling that otherness in his chest. So him using 僕/boku the natural masculine pronoun in 15 was a way of indicating that he was actually doing better, feeling more, acting the fool less. But now he’s 22 and suicidal again and hiding behind his pretenses and we can’t see his real emotions as much. And he’s distancing himself from himself and from others by using 私/watashi. And though it’s gender neutral, it’s also neutral on more levels than that and that is why Dazai is using it. If he sees himself as genderless it goes beyond seeing himself as genderless, he sees himself as lacking humanness." (from this post)

THIS ^^^

Oda may have been important to Dazai, but what he told him is always gonna be with Dazai. That he will never fill that hole in his chest. And I love Oda, I do, but I hate him for that. Cause he shouldn't have told Dazai, someone who wants nothing more than to fucking end it all, that he'll basically never be happy. I know Oda was on his deathbed when he said it, and it was spur of the moment, and I think that's why it was done like that, cause I can't truly hate Oda for saying that when I look at what was happening when he said it. Basically Oda's words are gonna be with Dazai forever, and he believed everything Oda said, he's always gonna believe he'll never find a reason to live, something to fill the hole in his chest.

Okay, so we have covered the fact that Dazai is clearly in a bad place mentally, and that he is not getting better, in fact, he is likely getting worse. And as many of us likely know, to get better you have to actively work on it, you have to want it. So why isn't Dazai working on it? If he knows he's doing terribly, why wouldn't he work on himself? I think there are two different reasons for this. The first, clearly, is that he sees himself as lacking humanity, so he doesn't see himself as needing help, needing to get better. In fact, he may not even realize just how poorly he's doing. His morals are already very warped, and he never grew up in a place that cared about his feelings at all. He grew up in the mafia, where he was likely taught to kill at an EXTREMLY young age. He has np sense of doing well or doing poorly. The other reason, Oda's words. Oda told him he was ever going to fill that hole in his chest (a terrible thing to say to be honest). As I've already covered, Dazai hung onto ever single word Oda said, he is never going to forget that. So, if Dazai does know he's doing poorly and is in a bad place mentally, he likely does not care. He's already been told he'll never "fix" himself, in a sense. So why would he ever put forth the effort? To him it's a complete waste of time and energy.

Kind of branching off from the fourth paragraph, Dazai's suicide attempts in present time are seen as annoying and not unusual for the agency, even Atsushi, when he sees Dazai in the barrel, acts annoyed with done with it already. And this brings up the question, why? Why is no one taking it seriously. Suicide shouldn't be used for comedy, but it is. And I kinda think there's a reason for it. Dazai is masking his true emotions. We know he has pent up grief and anger and hatred, but he barely ever expresses it. Dazai very purposefully makes his suicide attempts seem like jokes to the agency, the way he talks about it, the way he asks for help, he makes sure this behavior is not only normal, but expected. He knows that it's a problem, but he wants it to be completely normal and expected, cause for him, one day he is gonna follow through with it. He doesn't want it to be suspicious. Making everyone find him annoying is his whole plan. He doesn't want people attached to him cause he doesn't feel human (although we all know that there's a lot of people who would be affected by his death). He wants to not be missed cause he doesn't think he's human, that he's worthy of being loved. So he acts this way on purpose.

Another thing to add before I finish; As we all know pretty well Dazai calls Chuuya, well, Chuuya, and Chuuya is Chuuya's first name. Obviously there is a close bond there for Chuuya to not be too bothered by Dazai calling him by his first name. However, not once have we ever seen someone call Dazai by his first name, Osamu, but with their bond surely Chuuya would be calling him Osamu instead of Dazai? So, this means its probably pretty likely that Dazai has made it a point to not let anyone call him by his first name, as it would connect him to his humanity more. I'm willing to bet that Chuuya and Dazai had a fight over this too, and Chuuya didn't understand at all, cause to him Dazai is human, Dazai is what keeps Chuuya human. so the whole thing didn't make sense to him.

To sum up, Dazai has a fuck ton of trauma and needs therapy, but seriously, he is a very complex and well done character and isn't just a suicidal maniac.

[nugnthopkns]

eyes full of stars

word count: 3.1k

warnings: insinuated!fem reader, cursing, alcohol consumption, slight sexual innuendo (kind sorta maybe, minors please be aware)

recommended listening: cowboy like me | taylor swift

a/n: it’s cold and snowy. to combat the winter blues i wrote about a sunny minnesota summer with brock :))

You can’t remember the last time you’ve seen Brock this carefree. 

The season was hard on him. There were large periods where he didn’t put up any points, and trade rumors started to circulate. Halfway through, before the playoff push even started, the negative social media comments came rolling in. You frequently saw fans request a trade or say that the organization should regret drafting him. Brock did his best to brush everything off, but it was beginning to waer on his mental health. You’re devastated when they fail to make it to the postseason, but you know it’s for the best. The injured team will spend the offseason recuperating and be ready for the next one. Besides, it means you and Brock will get to spend more time on the lake. 

So here you are, packing the car for the twenty-seven hour drive to Minnesota. Brock insists on driving, says it’s relaxing, but you aren’t sure you agree. Prone to car-sickness so fierce you can barely look out the window, you’d much rather fly. Everything is exasperated by the fact you’re a nervous traveller to begin with, afraid of taking a wrong turn or missing an exit. You’re a terrible road trip partner but at least Brock could talk to the dogs. Coolie and Milo loved car rides, and you can typically hear your boyfriend having full on conversations with them as you fade in and out of consciousness. 

“Ready to go babe?” Brock asks as he closes the trunk. The question is delivered with a bright grin, and despite your anxiety you return it with ease. 

“I don’t really have much of a choice do I?”

He shakes his head, chuckling as he moves towards you. Sliding his hands into the back pockets of your jeans he kisses you lazily. It’s comforting and all-consuming at the same time; doing a great job of occupying your mind with thoughts of him instead of the journey ahead. “I suppose not,” he says, planting a final kiss on your forehead. “It’ll be fine. You can take a Gravol right before we cross the border and you’ll be asleep before we hit Seattle.”

It’s the best plan of attack, so you agree immediately. After taking one last run into your shared apartment to use the bathroom and make sure everything is in order, you make yourself comfortable in the passenger seat of Brock’s jeep. Music filters through the speakers at a low volume, and you focus on the retreating skyline of Vancouver. You’re excited to get back to Minnesota, to relax and see your boyfriend in his natural habitat. Countless days are about to be spent lounging lakeside enjoying each other’s company. It will also be nice to spend time with Brock’s family: they’ve been incredibly welcoming over the years and you can’t wait to catch up with them. You know Brock’s itching to spend time with his nephew, and just to be at home. 

Just as Brock said, you’re asleep before Bellingham. It’s fitful, and you’re frequently woken up by the dogs barking a little too excitedly in response to something Brock said. However, it does a good job of keeping you from emptying the contents of your stomach onto the floor. Somewhere in Idaho, a good seven hours after you left Canada, you awake for the final time. 

“Look boys, Mom’s finally awake!”

You laugh at the comment and lean over the center console to ruffle his hair. It’s still long from the season, and curls slightly around your fingertips. 

“You’re hilarious.”

Brock takes his right hand off the steering wheel, unravelling yours from its resting place and entwining your fingers together. He places a kiss to the back of your palm. “You know I’m just teasing,” he whispers. “I know these drives are hard on you. Thank you for doing it twice a year.”

Instead of answering verbally, you squeeze his hand tighter. Though it’s true you hate driving through five states, you’d do it twice a week if it would make Brock happy. It seems a bit much to convey with a single gesture, but you can tell from the smile that graces his features that Brock understands. The two of you sit in silence, enjoying the scenery and trying to scout for a rest stop. Coolie and Milo are getting antsy and you’re also due to stretch your legs. 

After letting the dogs run around to release some energy and using the bathroom, you start the final leg of the day. Missoula, Montana, is the destination. Not quite the halfway point, but close enough that you could tackle the rest of the miles tomorrow, the city has a wide variety of pet-friendly lodging. You insist you drive the rest of the way, giving Brock a well deserved rest. Looking at the interstate for hours can cause serious highway hypnosis. Not even twenty minutes after getting back on the road he’s asleep, snoring softly as he rests his head on the window. 

You take a moment to admire your boyfriend. He looks so relaxed and peaceful, and the forehead creases that are starting to develop from over analyzing hours of tape disappear. Brock looks years younger, and you know the youthfulness will creep back into him the longer you’re in Minnesota. You can’t wait to see him without any cares again. 

Less than two hours later, the hotel creeps up on your left. Pulling into the first available parking space, you turn the car off before waking Brock. 

“Brock, we’re at the hotel,” you say softly, jostling his shoulder. “Let’s get checked in and then we shower.”

The mention of washing off a day’s worth of travel has him letting the door fly open. You had made sure to pack your overnight bags in an easily accessible spot, and work at getting them out while Brock wrangles the dogs. For being cooped up all day, they’re extremely well behaved. Once cleaned up you imagine you’ll take them on a long walk and grab some food. 

“Hey, give that back. Milo!” you hear Brock yelp, and peek around to see what’s happening. The younger pup has Brock’s bucket hat between his teeth and is in the process of tearing across the parking lot. 

With a giggle you call him back. “Milo, come here baby,” you say. Without a second thought, the dog bolts towards you, knocking against your shins when he fails to stop in time. You lean down to scratch Milo’s ear, and as soon as you ask him to drop the object he places it in your open palm. “Good boy,” you coo, letting him lick the side of your face. 

“He’s your dog alright,” Brock huffs from where he’s standing, Coolie running circles around his ankles. 

You toss the hat over the roof of the car as you laugh at him. “You’re just jealous he listens to me.”

“I sure fucking am. He’d be an absolute nuisance if it wasn’t for you.”

The rest of the night is spent unwinding from the long day. Dinner consists of the greasiest burgers you can find, and you roam around the city hand in hand, the dogs leading you. By the time you get back to the hotel you’re spent. Sleep takes over rather quickly, and you’re dozing off before Brock gets back from brushing his teeth. Once ready for bed, he slides his body against yours. The pair of you fit together like a puzzle, and after a quick kiss you let sleep consume you. 

The second day of travel is much the same, except you do a better job of staying awake. You take a different anti-nausea medication and frequently switch with Brock. Conversation flows easily, ideas for summer excursions and repairs that need to be done around the house. The Boeser’s are kind enough to lend you their lake house during the off season, but the property can be a lot to manage. Brock takes it all in stride, and somehow actually enjoys spending hours mowing the grass. He says it’s relaxing, mind numbing work, so you let him handle it. Country music flows from the car speakers, and eventually talking turns into a full on concert. Milo and Coolie do their best to harmonize with Brock, and it’s too cute not to post somewhere. You sneak your phone from your pocket and manage to catch some of it on video, posting to Instagram immediately. Those from the Canucks organization you have on social media will love it; Brock’s teammates will most definitely chirp him for being tone deaf. 

It’s late by the time you pull into the driveway of your temporary home, almost eleven. Grabbing only the essentials and leaving the rest to be unpacked tomorrow, you unlock the door before flopping on the couch. The dogs follow suit, laying on top of you. When Brock walks in he shakes his head, but still leans over to kiss you. 

“Make sure you text your mom and let her know we made it,” you call to his retreating figure. “And let her know we’ll be over in the afternoon once we get situated.”

You swear he flips you off, no doubt poking fun at your maternal instincts. “Yes ma’am,” he replies. 

“Ma’am?” you shriek. “I am not fifty. You’re so gonna get it Boeser.”

After gently nudging the dogs off your legs you’re chasing after him, laughing all the way. Brock’s a lot faster than you, being the athlete he is, but you don’t give up hope. In a last ditch attempt to get him back, you launch yourself forward, square into the middle of his back. The change in weight distribution has him falling to the floor, sprawling the width of the hallway. Both of you are giggling messes, delirious from lack of sleep and the knowledge you get to spend four months of uninterrupted time together. 

“I love you, you know that right,” Brock murmurs into the crook of your neck. He dots chaste pecks along the skin and you sigh at the feeling. 

Pulling him closer, you make sure to properly enunciate your words as you respond. “Yes sir.”

Brock eyes darken visibly, and he shifts his body so he’s resting on top of you. “You’re in for it now,” he groans, dragging himself to his feet. You quickly follow, meeting his lips in an eager kiss. The pair of you stumble the rest of the way to the bedroom, bodies intertwining like ivy vines, and Brock makes sure to kick the door shut to ensure your pets don’t interrupt the salacious activities he has planned. 

☼☼☼☼

You settle into a routine fairly quickly. Mornings are spent alone while Brock works out, and afternoons are for lounging in the sun. The hours after the sun fades away are spent huddling around a bonfire with friends, and midnights are for just the two of you. Sometimes Brock lets himself rest and spends the day in the middle of the lake doing his best to fish, leaving you to spend time with his mom and sister. They’re lovely; warm and welcoming, making sure you’re never too lonely or bored. You and Brock also spend a lot of time with his nephew, doting over the toddler. Seeing your boyfriend with him makes you want kids, but that’s a conversation that is yet to be had in any serious light. 

Sometimes you join Brock when he does typical professional hockey player in the summer things. It turns out you're quite the golfer, and have put him to shame many times. Countless days are spent helping him fix the roof of the lake house because he insists on doing it himself even though he knows nothing about roofing. At least seven phone calls to his father and a desperate run to the hardware store later, it’s completed; sealed and free of cracks. Though you’re a terrible fisher, Brock tries his best to teach you. Truth be told, you don’t have any interest in the sport, but his tongue pokes out slightly when he’s thinking about how to explain a concept and you think it’s adorable. 

Coolie and Milo are loving being able to roam free, and you both spend a lot of time outside with them. You’re only ever really in the house at night, reading or playing games on the patio furniture Brock’s mom picked out. It’s peaceful; existing like this. You swear you could do it forever. 

Being home allows an invisible weight to be lifted off Brock’s shoulders. There’s a pep in his step, and he’s always smiling. Even the intense at-home workouts can’t seem to bring him down. You’re delighted, how could you not be? It’s as if the only things that matter to him are enjoying a few beers lakeside and coaxing you out of shorts in the dark. You suppose that’s the truth. 

☼☼☼☼

It’s incredibly warm out. The sun beats down on your back as you turn the pages of your novel, half listening to the conversation Brock is having with his friends. A group of you are on the boat, enjoying one of the last full days of summer. Later in the week you and Brock will pack up the car again, making the long trek back to Vancouver. You’re sad time has passed so fast, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t excited to be back in the city. It’s your home, and the boys seem to be really fired up for the new season. You have a feeling some really good hockey is going to come out of Rogers Arena. 

“Yo Y/N, who’s the better driver. Me or Boes?” 

The question pulls you from the fantasy taking place on the pages, and you look to see who’s speaking to you. It’s Brock’s dearest childhood friend, someone you consider family at this point. “It’s absolutely not Brock,” you shrug. The comment earns a loud laugh from everyone and you find yourself joining in. 

“Ouch babe, that hurts,” Brock says as he slides into the free space next to you. Casually wrapping a strong arm around your shoulder, he leans down to whisper into your ear. “Looks like you need to be taught a lesson.”

His words have a vaguely sexual connotation, and you look around nervously. Your swimsuit won’t cover the flush that will be sure to rise on your skin if Brock tries anything. Everyone seems to be engaged in their own conversations, but you still feel queasy about getting caught. Though Brock’s friends are the type to laugh it off, you’d be absolutely mortified. 

Before your brain can overthink anything else, you’re being lifted from your seat. It only takes two seconds for Brock to hoist you over the side of the boat and throw you into the cool water. You land with a glorious splash, but take your time coming to the surface. Partly to bring your temperature down, partly to make your lover squirm. 

“You’re a fucking asshole,” you yell to him from below, but the bright smile you flash him lets Brock know you don’t mean it. 

He sets his hat on top of your book before climbing over the edge. “Shut up,” he fires back, diving gracefully to join you in the water. 

A small splashing match breaks out, and soon everyone else is in the water, picking sides. You swim until your skin is wrinkled beyond recognition, pruned and puckered something akin to a raisin. Only once the sky begins to redden do you head for home. Brock keeps the boat at cruising speed, and you sit comfortably in his lap. Once back on land, dinner is quickly thrown together. A mish-mash of what’s left in your fridge and what others have brought, but it works. The boys huddle around the grill and everyone else swoons over the dogs, who are on their best behaviour. 

Later in the night, once the dishes are cleaned up and some guests with day jobs have left, you settle into Brock’s side at the fire. Not caring if you get chirped for the PDA, you hold his face in both your hands and rest your forehead against his. The scruff that’s grown in since the last time Brock shaved tickles slightly, but you’re too in love with him to care. It’s been so refreshing to see him relaxed, acting without a care in the world. Hopefully the attitude he currently has will stick and not disappear once you hit the Vancouver city limits. 

Brock takes a sip of his beer before offering the bottle to you. You gingerly place it to your lips, making a face at the taste. He laughs at your reaction, pushing a few loose strands of hair behind your ear. 

“Still tastes disgusting,” you mutter, reaching for your own drink to wash away the taste. 

The fire crackles gently behind you but you barely register the sound, in your own little world where everything is perfect. It’s you, Brock, and the dogs living in a house similar to the one you’re currently residing in, living life to the fullest. 

“You gonna come back to me, space cadet?” Brock chuckles, tracing the outline of your nose. 

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry,” you apologize. “Was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Us. The future. Living in a lake house just like this one and spending all our time being so in love with each other that our friends constantly make fun of us. Maybe having kids in a couple of years. How I love seeing you like this; so at peace and full of life.”

In lieu of a response, Brock kisses you passionately. It’s a soft kind of passion: one that holds you tenderly and whispers sweet nothings in your ear. He tastes like the Coors Light he’s been drinking, but somehow the idea of beer is much more appealing when mixed with Brock. You lose yourself in him for a while, relishing in the gentleness of his hands resting on your waist. Eventually you return some of your attention to the others, but even then you can’t find it in yourself to focus. Your mind is filled with nothing but love for Brock. 

It’s seems that he’s feeling the same way, because he continually leaves kisses across your shoulder blade. “I really, really love you,” Brock confesses, and you feel him smile through the thin material of your worn hoodie. 

You intertwine your pinky with his and let them sit comfortably in your lap. “I love too. So much that it’s all consuming.”

Brock often leaves you breathless in more ways than one, but sweet sentiments like this will always take the cake. Especially when they happen on summer nights where he’s free to be his authentic self.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @jamiedrysdales​ @kiedhara​ @tortito​ if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

[spacegoatart]

Hi! I've seen your post about Treasure planet headcanons, soo here is a bunch of mine:

• Silver speaks multiple languages; sometimes he mixes them up as he goes, especially when he's tired, and ends up with "wait what" moments. Some of those become inside jokes between him and Jim.

• Silver hums space shanties when he's working; sometimes he isn't really aware that he's doing that, and if someone (Jim or maybe Sarah Hawkins) asks him what song he is humming, he may not be able to answer right away. He taught Jim a bunch of them, and Morph learned them by constantly overhearing; sometimes the little shapeshifter would either copy Silver's humming or morph into a musical instrument(tin whistle, harmony, maybe a really small lute/guitar) and literally play itself, or morph into whatever lyrics say–tiny ships, aetherium sea monsters, you name it.

• The eye in the bonzabeast stew isn't an actual eye plucked from someone – its actually a fruit from Silver's homeworld, basically a really freaky looking space cherry tomato; it is tricky to industrially grow and harvest even in its natural range, so there is little export and not many people know about it. It is tasty, though, especially pickled, and Silver likes it. They are legally required to be sold in opaque glassware on some worlds, though.

• Jim really likes the texture of solar sails(I hc it to be similar to a really tough, but smooth synthetic, like an outer layer of clothes for winter sports–not stretchy and making nice crinkly/hissy sounds when rubbed against itself) also, solar sails are ironed together rather than sewn when repairs are needed, and when Jim gets his hands onto a real sail iron press for the first time and gets a feel of patching up a sail, he nearly cries with happiness(he put the sails on his solar surf together with homemade instruments, and it was a lot of trial, error and burned fingers)

• Jim has either inattentive or combined type ADHD(a good bit of projecting here, gotta admit); it added a lot of stress for him, both during his sailing on RLS Legacy and in the Academy; Silver is mildly confused, but supportive dad.

• Jim learned some really fancy cooking skills from Silver–he knew how to cook before, but had a pretty utilitarian attitude towards it, not a passion for it. Sometimes he stress cooks or stress cleans, and Silver has to remind him to drink water/stretch/take a break, kid, seriously, you've spent literally hours pacing around, you'll have blisters on your feet if you won't stop

I have more, but I feel like I shared a lot for the first time. Hope you're having a good time ^_^

yess thank u for these, i love all of these :D i wanted to talk about each one so it gets kind of wordy, i really enjoyed seeing these (sorry it took me a few days to finally answer, i meant to answer earlier but i got busy)

1. i love this one, this could be canon lol. its very resourceful to know multiple languages as a pirate so i’m sure he does know many, as well as mix them up. Jim would immediately tease him about it, Silver would laugh about it too.

2. UGH YES he totally sings, i was kind of disappointed that we don't hear him sing in the movie but whatever. morph loves his singing and would totally join along or find a pocket and fall asleep. Silver probably has a great voice making his humming/singing even more enchanting to listen to.

3. this one is really interesting, i hadn't thought about the fact that it may not be a real eye but that would make sense. it wouldn't be the first time nature has adapted visual defense mechanisms to stop things from eating them. the glass jar idea is really cool because yeah, you don't want to buy a jar of something and see eyeballs, as well as someone might put actual ones in, that's a hazard.

4. yess love Jim with sensory issues, he would totally just go up on the mast and touch them and loose his mind. Silver would tell him to get down, etc but he kind of gets it. solar sails are probably hard to care for, especially if they're supposed to soak up energy (i think at least, they're supposed to be solar panels but thinner and flexible) so they would need a special set of tools, ones i’m sure Jim couldn't afford at the time. i wonder if he bought his own or if Sarah and Silver got him one for a birthday or something

5. YES i hadn't even thought about mentally ill Jim but yes he 100% has ADHD (i also have ADHD so don't worry about projecting xD). he probably couldn't focus as well in school and with the stress of the inn and Leland leaving him, he got so frustrated and kind of gave up. while that sucks, he found something to entertain himself, solar surfing and it absolutely became his special interest. when he gets to the academy, he starts to struggle again but this time hes not as put off by it, since he really did want to go. he probably doesn't find out that he has ADHD until either a year or few months in, mainly because it isn't his behavior causing him to fall back. Sarah probably feels so guilty but Jim lets her know that its ok, even he wasn't aware. he starts using his diagnosis to learn what he can do to help himself and he starts getting motivated to keep learning. i was thinking about Jim in the academy, i think he’d become super interested in math, maybe it'd even become a special interest! i just think he’d love to know the way numbers make up the world and how you can determine events based on calculations

6. Jim probably knew how to cook before from his mom but Silver definitely sparked an interest in him. cooking became less of a known skill and became an art, watching Silver garnish dishes, make special sauces and create something delicious out of just the few things on the ship. i bet he’d come home and start stress cleaning, confusing the heck out of Sarah. she knew he was stressed but couldn't help but be a little grateful that her kitchen was completely clean. when Silver is around, he doesn’t really understand that Jim is stressed out, he just thinks he’s cleaning. once he DOES catch on however, he hangs around while Jim is scrubbing, handing him water, convincing him that he can talk about it if he wants and keeping an eye on him in general. it ends up stressing Silver out, watching Jim get so worried over a grade or an assignment, so Silver tries to get Jim to go on walks with him and relax a little. however, Silver knows he can’t make Jim do anything so when Jim insists he just wants to clean and think for a bit, Silver leaves him be. not that he doesn’t immediately go to Sarah to talk about how worried he is about Jim. i wonder if Sarah stress cleans to, maybe Jim gets it from her?

[bookofmirth]

I haven't read ACOSF yet, and tbh I'm rather rusty with the characters but it was really interesting to read your opinion on Elain! I feel there's a lot of complexity to her. And how she presents herself as well because as you said we literally have no chapters from hers or Lucien's POV and I think that's the important point to note because right now we're all just guessing and assuming her to be like Feyre, but she's not. People deal/show their traumas in different way and l think people expect Elain to deal with it as Feyre did. But, Feyres trauma and Elains are very different!

I don't really know what I'm saying. But I read your answer and it made me go 'oh... Huh!' in a good way, it sparked my curiosity! So thank you! But I think Elain perhaps is the most complex person with their trauma. I know people say 'oh Nesta is so different' but (I specialised in drama therapy so I love psycho analysis) and what Nesta did is self destructive to prevent relationships to avoid hurt or more emotions that she doesn't want to acknowledge (in my opinion!)

Elain just shuts down. She doesn't drink, she doesn't screw, she just remains in her garden which in itself says a lot! That's a very grounding way to handle trauma and not a lot of people are aware of that side!

So yeah I don't know what I'm saying but I think it's a really interesting discussion!

I have so many thoughts about Elain! This took me a few days to get to because i knew I had a crapton of thoughts. So this is basically me using this ask to explain the way I see Elain post-acosf!

There are three important scenes in acosf off the top of my head: when Elain talks with Nesta and they fight, and then with Nesta and Feyre and she gets mad and leaves, and then Feyre and Rhys talk about her in their chapter. We’re getting a lot more information about her, and for me, it wasn’t so much about who she is, but why we don’t know who she is.

So far, what we’ve had is Feyre’s and Nesta’s POV. Even when Feyre and Lucien tried to help her in acowar, they were unable. So we’ve never had anything about Elain from someone who didn’t grow up with her and experience the same trauma (such as becoming destitute, their mother’s death, their father being beaten, the Cauldron, etc.)

The sisters do handle it very, very differently. And I think that at this point the fandom consensus is that Elain runs away from her problems, but I actually disagree, and partly because of what you mentioned - that she isn’t using those self-harming, destructive coping mechanisms. Nesta was avoiding her problems, hardcore. It’s absolutely possible that Elain avoids things, but I don’t think that she just runs from all of her problems because:

Elain grieves her father. Openly. She tries to accept the fact that it wasn’t her fault and that she couldn���t do anything about it. (See: her going to his grave in acofas, her first talk with Nesta in acosf.) Elain does not run from her grief, she doesn’t pretend it doesn’t exist, and she doesn’t hide it from others. As one of the most defining events we’ve seen her go through in the series, that’s a pretty big deal.

Elain does not cling to unhealthy coping mechanisms. There could be ways that she does this that we are unaware of. She does seem like the type who would be really, really good at making people think she’s okay, all while she’s silently imploding. But we don’t know that yet?

Elain does not isolate herself. 

However, Elain definitely needs to deal with some stuff! She definitely needs to deal with Lucien, and she needs to have an actual talk with Nesta because I don’t remember a single satisfying resolution between those two in acosf. Not like Nesta had with Feyre. 

I have this idea that is purely based on Elain’s line in acosf:

“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow, all you think of is what my trauma did to you.” (pg. 233)

And then Feyre tells Nesta that yes, Elain was right. 

This is so so so sossosososos important. I cannot emphasize it enough. Elain is used to putting on a fake, smiling face because she doesn’t want the weight of her sisters’ concern. She has been pretending to cope for so long - and tbf, she seems to have been doing better than Nesta - that people not only forget that she has suffered, but she doesn’t feel like she can even express that suffering.

Emotional labor often means negating one’s own feelings in order to acknowledge or tend to someone else’s. And that is Elain’s major role, in the series. Feyre has been caring for everyone’s physical wellbeing (hunting), while Elain’s role has been to care for everyone’s emotional wellbeing. But, like with most emotional labor, it has gone unnoticed.

I’ve made posts about emotional labor in the past (four years ago!!!!) but I’m gonna spare you the link because a lot of it was about a ship that’s no longer a ship, so here is the relevant content:

What I am talking about is the regulation of emotion - any time that you give comfort, are especially attentive to someone’s needs, stop thinking about how you feel in order to focus on how someone else feels, try to cheer someone up, make sure that they are taking care of themselves, try to allay their insecurities, etc. Basically, helping them with any sort of emotional distress.

You know those posts you’ve seen, about women protecting men’s egos constantly? Or about making time for self-care? Or about recognizing toxic relationships? That tell you “if X is being demanded of you in a relationship, get out”? Those are ALL about emotional labor, broadly speaking. They are warning you not to do more than you can handle, more than you need to do, because it can be harmful to you.

If you have ever been expected to make a person or people feel better any time you are around each other (including when they are angry, upset, anxious, ill, frustrated, insecure, etc.), you have performed emotional labor. Pretty much everyone has done this at some point, unless you are a completely insensitive jerk.

Notice, though, that I said expected to and any time you are around them – this is where the problem comes in for YOU. This is not about just being there for a friend.

Making loved ones feel better is fantastic. Seeing people be polite and kind to one another makes my heart shine. That is not a problem in and of itself. That can be seen as emotional labor, but there are no requirements on you in those circumstances. This is something you are doing of your own free will.

The problem, again, is when this is expected, constantly, over time. Now, in my experience, the expectation is not necessarily coming from the other person. One of the problems with this type of labor is that not only do others expect women to perform these tasks, but women expect it of themselves.

It’s super easy to see this – who is expected to take care of a child when they fall? Who is expected to baby-sit? Who did you want when you were sick as a child, mom or dad? Who is expected to be sensitive and pay attention to others’ emotions?

For more info on this idea specifically, read Of Woman Born by Adrienne Rich. As a woman, I realized how much work I had been performing and how much it was harming me and I just… got real upset. She comes at this mostly from what a woman’s role is expected to be within the family, and might actually be a bit outdated in that respect because I feel like family structures and dynamics are shifting (that is a totally un-academic evaluation of the situation, don’t quote me on that), but still, it’s really informative.

While I was doing some research for this post I came across a peer-reviewed article about nursing and basically, high amounts of emotional labor led to anxiety and burn-out in those performing it. It literally will cost your mental health – not to mention your time, energy, attention, and it often requires you to ignore your own needs (this last part came from me, not the article). On the other hand, high levels of emotional intelligence (being able to recognize your own and others’ emotional states) meant less emotional labor (and therefore less anxiety & burn-out). One of the most important things to realize is that while you are taking care of someone else’s emotional needs, your own are frequently unmet. That is why it’s important to recognize this in yourself, not just in these characters.

So where does Elain fit in? Elain is the #1 emotional labor provider of the family, and she is about to freaking SNAP. I know, because once I realized how my trauma was hidden in order to spare someone else its consequences, I fucking SNAPPEd. I’ll also spare you the personal details, but Elain hasn’t been “okay”. She hasn’t been “boring”, or “nice”, or “chosen” Feyre over Nesta. She has literally been unable to express herself because (and I am NOT blaming Nesta or Feyre or her father one bit) her family’s emotional state has been so fragile, there hasn’t been room for Elain to feel or express her emotions in years. 

In the feysand short, Rhys says:

I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.

And that completely tracks. Everyone has gotten used to Elain being not just “nice”, but being the emotionally predictable one. The one they know they can go to for a smile. The one they can count on for never, ever making them realize that she has been through Some Shit Too. And being that person is exhausting.

When Feyre thinks about Elain not using Lucien’s gloves, 1) she still has them, otherwise she couldn’t think about Elain not using them, and 2) I like to see the gloves as something that she will come to use, once she realizes that she can feel and express those emotions without it causing a breakdown in the family. Right now, she just wants to feel. And she can’t do that emotionally, so she’s doing it physically. Once she heals and finds a better balance, she won’t need to resort to physical pain. (Which, lowkey has me thinking some other thoughts, but.... maybe later.) But anyway, once Elain does go through her very own special journey, I fully expect her to welcome those gloves. She won’t need physical pain to feel anymore.

Not to mention my completely unacademic and non-professional opinion that people will judge a nice women harshly for being rude once, but accept a woman with a history of rudeness for just “being that way”. It’s another way that Elain may feel trapped in her “nice girl” persona. I think she started out that way - kindness and light and generosity is 100% in Elain’s character in the first place. It’s not as if she went into the Court of Nightmares and suddenly Cassian thought, “wait, she fits right in to this shithole of depravity”. No, he still thought the literal opposite. It’s just that once people get used to you doing all their emotional labor, they will continue to take advantage of it, even if they don’t realize its cost.

[crackinwise]

If I could still draw, I'd make an art series showing Taka wearing or using all the Monomono Machine gifts you can give him. But I'll have to settle for uselessly pointing and talking about them, because some are like "ah yes," while others...

LOVES:

Mac's gloves: A pair of boxing gloves infused with a staggering amount of passion and effort. Wearing them makes you want to throw a thousand cross-counters.

We know the reference (Punch-Out) but is it just the passion and effort Taka likes? Taka only mentions kendo, I think, but maybe he also takes boxing for exercise and last-resort self defense. Middle school was rough on him for unknown reasons. Whether he picked up boxing for focus or just learning to dodge a punch, it's cute picturing Mondo holding the punching bag for him or them sparring in a ring with very different fighting styles.

Red scarf: A scarf belonging to a certain masked hero. It's tattered and worn due to the countless battles it's been through.

I... don't know the reference. I couldn't find it either. Does anyone know? Strider Hiryu could fit, but Taka thinks games are a waste of time when Makoto talks to him. Red is very much a hero color in Japan as well as associated with deities and protection. Does Taka like the certain hero? Does Taka want to be seen as a hero or protector as well as a good leader?

Ya know what? I've read like two fics where Mondo is a secret superhero--where are the superhero!Taka fics and pics?! (No official art of Taka in a red scarf either makes me boo.)

Adorable Reactions Collection: A DVD that contains footage of people reacting to various pieces of art.

Your guess is as good as mine. For the culture of it? Studying reactions/expressions of others? Maybe he likes seeing people learn of things for the first time? That'd be very wholesome of him.

Chin Drill A fashion accessory that allows you to equip a drill on your chin. It is said to represent the idea of "spiral energy".

Okay. Okay, what? Either we're doing a Gurren Lagann joke--spiral power gets stronger thru generations (Taka's stronger than his grandfather) and causes people to be blindly driven towards their goals--or we're referencing spiral energy in mysticism: all stages of life and rebirth going for infinity. For spiral symbolism, there's "spirals represent evolution and growth of the spirit." But this is... Dude, this attaches to your chin. And he LOVES it. Dafuq.

LIKES:

[sakura bouquet, math problems, & handheld console cut for image limit]

Overflowing Lunchbox: A lunch box stuffed with rice, ginger, carrots, peppers, mushrooms, and more. It's meat-free, so you vegetarians out there are covered, too.

"Give the poor kid a generous meal." Just punch me in my chest. This gift is why I made the post about Taka and Mondo gifting food to each other.

G-Sick Watch: Most people consider it a "throwaway watch" due to its poor quality. Still, it enjoys massive popularity thanks to its low price.

"Give the poor kid a watch he could afford." Ya know what's weird? This watch is in Hina's Love category. Does she break watches in the pool a lot because she forgets to take them off?

Leaf Covering: A loincloth meant to emphasize one's manliness. Its simple design features a single leaf overlaid on white cloth.

I mean, it's... it's self-explanatory.

Quality Chinchilla Cover: A dark red seat cover. Its refined design is intended for only the most elite clientele.

My dudes, this is a fur motorcycle/bike seat. It's on Mondo's Love list, obviously. Why is it in Taka's Likes? Does he like soft things? Is he envious of luxury items maybe he remembers his grandpa having? Does he just want a really plush seat as he rides with Mondo? (Idk, man, but chinchilla farms are cruel.)

Cherry Blossom Bouquet: A collection of branches from a sakura tree. In the language of flowers, cherry blossoms represent "a woman of superior beauty".

Every other character Likes or Loves this too, including Mondo. As for flower language, I can't find that definition at all. I do find it meaning love, general beauty, renewal/new beginnings, fleeting life/mortality (ouch) and imagery tied with samurais because of that short life.

Berserker Armor: Donning this armor bestows the wearer with immense power, but at the cost of their soul and senses.

Uh. Ishida? Actually, even for Ishida that's a bit intense. The cost of their soul? Taka's/Ishida's whole thing is preserving his soul & Mondo's together. Unless he silently wants his soul out completely because it's causing him so much pain, and only Mondo's should live on in him. Maybe this item is leftover from the early code where you could interact with Ishida in Free Time at least once.

The only other person that likes it is Jack/Jill/Syo, so I assume this is a joke about personality switches (for two different mental health reasons) to their less stable selves, who go berserk.

Millennium Prize Problems: These seven important mathematical problems were posted by the Clay Mathematics Institute, with a reward of one million dollars for each one solved.

"Give the poor nerd a way to pay off his family's debt!"

The Funplane: The newest popular portable game system. It has a hi-def touchscreen, and can also play music and videos, making for the perfect all-in-one media machine!

Now, this is another gift you can give to everyone and they'll at least Like it. I guess Taka could use it for educational videos, or "studying" pop culture with Professor Makoto.

And just because we're here, can I just...

MONDO LOVES: sonic cup-a-noodle, quality chinchilla cover, fresh bindings, and

Roller Slippers: Slippers with a small wheel installed in each heel. They were invented to move easily around the house, but there is absolutely no demand for them.

Mondo. Mondo, your taste, hun. No. I want to see Mondo rolling by on these in their house and Taka going apoplectic.

[novantinuum]

On the corrupted!Steven theory...

So, originally when I mused on this yesterday I was just playing around with random possibilities.

After combing the series for info about corruption, though, I’m mildly spooked at the increased potential for this to... perhaps be a thing? I’m not saying that this is what I for sure believe will happen- to be honest, I’m not even sure Crewniverse would go this direction at all- but just for funsies, let’s see what kind of “evidence” or “foreshadowing” exists that might support this potential story path in the context of canon.

(EDIT: 10/7/19 

I honestly no longer think this creature is a worm at all whatsoever, it’s either more akin to a horned caterpillar or potentially has limbs. Either way we can see so little right now that it’s hard to tell. I’m not editing the rest of this post because I want it to exist in its original form- but do keep this in mind reading the rest! XP)

1) The design of this worm creature.

Let’s start simple. Let’s start tangible. 

For future reference and simplicity, I will be henceforth be referring to this creature as... “Wormy Boi.”

So, let’s see what we’ve got here. I’m definitely not the first person to point out this fella’s pink nature, and the jarringly human-like nose they’ve got. (Compared to other corruptions, which have had distinctly non-humanoid features.) In the photo above, we also have Wormy Boi sporting glowing pink eyes, which then send out a flare of pink light/energy. So, seemingly a powerful entity.

If you watch the short segment before they sit upright, you’ll see that Wormy Boi is super, super big. They’re in the background, but BOY do they loom. The shadows cast upon them especially push that sense of size. They’ve also got a whole bunch of spikes on their back and framing their face.

So, then. What evidence could be made for this being a corrupted!Steven, as opposed to some other run-of-the-mill monster?

Steven Universe Future is a limited series, described as ‘tying up loose ends.” To me, as a viewer, it would make far more sense for the antagonists/conflicts to deal with big concepts that have already been established since there’s such a limited amount of time we have left with this world. Introducing a completely alien species in the last act of the show would feel offbeat from both a writing and a viewing perspective. Corruption- on the other hand- is something we don’t have full answers to yet.

We don’t see any gem, yes- but Steven’s gem is- of course- on his belly. If this theory were to be true, that would translate to the gem being on Wormy Boi’s underside, far out of our sight in this shot, due to how massive they are. As an addition to this, not showing the gem gives an air of mystery to this creature’s true nature- which makes it seem like there’s something surprising to discover here.

A corrupted diamond would surely be MASSIVE. Also, very powerful. The beam of pink light hints at Wormy Boi being quite a powerhouse.

The spikes on Wormy Boi’s back and around their face highly resemble rose thorns. We all know how much the Crewniverse loves their rose symbolism, and design wise, this aspect would make a lot of visual sense for a corrupted Steven. Running off of that:

The face/nose shape and the five horns on this creature’s head give off a very Steven-like silhouette. 

The nose, of course. The face has a very Steven-like shape to it, overall- although noticeably more angular and sharp. The mouth is reminiscent of the Watermelon Stevens’ mouths. And as for the horns, there’s five of them positioned equidistant around their face, just as Steven’s hair is always formed from five lil’ bumps at the same positions.

Okay, moving on.

(Read more under the cut!)

2) We do not yet understand the true nature of corruption.

“I guess it’ll take more than a kiss to heal damage from the Diamonds…” -Pearl, Monster Reunion

Corruption is still- bafflingly- a huge mystery. The Gems we’ve watched the CGs bubble since season one have been healed, yes, but there are still many gaps in our understanding of it. With Steven Universe Future’s promise to address some lingering story threads, it would make sense if corruption was on the plate for further discussion. So, what DO we know?

We know it’s something the Diamonds can do. Interestingly, it doesn’t seem to require all four diamonds. Three of them together were able to cause all the damage to Earth. There’s also no statement made that more than one Diamond is required to cause effects like that. 

In Legs From Here to Homeworld, Blue and Yellow Diamond weren’t actually aware the corruption was something they were capable of producing. They seemed to assume they obliterated the Gems on Earth. Corruption is then, even a mystery to them. That’s... odd, isn’t it?

Pearl states that it’s “something nearly impossible to describe.” Garnet goes further to say... “It’s sorta like... if MC Bear-Bear didn’t tear the fabric of his arm, but the fabric of his mind.”

"A sound… A song?” There’s a lot of association between corruption and music.

It causes Gems to lose touch with their usual forms, instead warping into a more outwardly "monstrous” version of themselves that appear to be “just a bundle of fight-or-flight reflexes and survival instincts.” As seen by Centipeetle in Monster Buddy and Monster Reunion, it appears as if corrupted Gems try to regenerate with their original forms if unbubbled, but are simply not in a state where they can maintain that.

As seen with Jasper in Earthlings, extreme emotional distress very much seems to speed up corruption’s effects. This is less of a stated fact and more of my read on that episode, but I believe it to be an important tidbit, especially since Garnet states that corruption’s damage is mental rather than physical, at least at its core. This can also be seen in Monster Reunion with how Centipeetle’s partial healing backfires when she remembers the trauma of being corrupted and reacts strongly.

Now, when it comes to healing corruption, Steven tries to heal Centipeetle himself, and does make some nice progress... helping her regain a hold on herself as he treats her with love and compassion and understanding... but it’s ultimately not a healing that can occur in isolation, helping her on his own. She needs more support before she can heal from this corruption to a state where she can truly be herself again.

And that eventually comes in the form of the other Diamonds. So, all four diamonds can help relieve the corruption if they help these Gems all together. 

3) How could this theory potentially fit into the story anyways, you nutter?

Well, here’s the part of this post where I make some broad conjectures. I honestly am shooting fish into a barrel here because again- we know barely anything about how corruption actually happened initially, and my thoughts are very jumbled. Please forgive me.

"I don’t really know how the corruption works. It’s like they’re sick. They don’t remember who they used to be.” -Steven, Gem Hunt

So, corruption seems to be a mental ailment of Gemkind, turned manifest. It also seems to have a deep connection to a Gem’s emotions, with Centipeetle growing smaller and slightly calmer upon feeling more secure in Steven’s presence, and corruption speeding up as Jasper grew more and more emotionally overwrought and self-deriding about herself. 

When it comes to the Diamonds and how they perhaps caused it originally- without fully realizing- we know that at least Blue and White have abilities focused on causing others to act in certain ways. Blue has sway over one’s emotions, and White has a knack for forcing her thoughts and self upon others. (I’m not sure how Yellow’s ability would play in here.) Mayhaps, mixed with their grief and guilt and anger, their power simply pressed all of that hurt emotion onto all the Gems on Earth in one whole fail swoop...? Tearing their minds in the process of it all?

The question I still have, though- is whether a single diamond could produce effects like this. And whether a diamond could turn that ability on themself.

Could Steven accidentally corrupt himself? Why might that happen?

Well, let’s look at our boy here. 

He’s got a wide circle of support at this time in canon, but notably, he’s notorious for bottling up his emotion and not letting others in to help him- instead dropping everything to help them with their problems. Just to name a few examples (a few):

The Test. He feels betrayed and hurt at the Gems for a moment about the way they’re babying him with the rigged test, but instead of admitting the hurt he feels about the scenario, bottles that up to help them feel more like good guardians.

Joy Ride. He opens up to the Cool Kids about deep, incredibly troubling stuff that’s long been on his mind, but he’s never once talked about it with his family.

Mindful Education. The perils of bottling one’s emotions is literally the whole plot of the episode. The kid has a full out sobbing breakdown while he’s plunging to his death. Connie gets through to him a little here, but later episodes show that the resolution we see here is merely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Steven’s internal issues. 

Storm in the Room. Externally, Steven tries so hard to put on a guise of content and positivity, but once alone in Rose’s room feels safe enough to let the full brunt of his emotional trauma come out in an almost explosive manner. Geeze, get this kid some hugs. 

Gemcation. Steven actually fails bitterly on putting on his customary smile in this episode, simply because the weight of his problems have become such an impossible burden to him. When the other Gems are trying to help him open up, he isn’t immediately responsive to their efforts. 

What’s Your Problem? Amethyst spends the whole episode trying to cheer Steven up and find out how he’s doing, and instead Steven downplays his own feelings on the matter and ends up helping her sort out her own emotional issues.

So to sum: Many an Emotional Issue, a chronic tendency to avoid outwardly addressing said issues in favor of helping everyone else instead... and to avoid accepting other people’s help.

Even if he’s surrounded by all these people who love him, the fact of the matter is that Steven still feels as if he has to face his own inner demons alone.

Now, let’s look at the lil’ teasing synopsis that was given for Steven Universe Future:

“After saving the universe, Steven is still at it, tying up every loose end. But as he runs out of other people’s problems to solve, he’ll finally have to face his own.”

Blatantly sounds like we’re gonna finally get some addressing of Steven’s emotional state, now doesn’t it?

4) A concept on what could, theoretically happen

“Maybe… it IS a guy in a monster costume. I don’t mean literally, silly! What I mean is... there might be a conscious Gem still inside there, somewhere. What if the monster is turning back and forth into its original form? If it is, it might not be as corrupted as we think! There might still be a chance to save it!” -Steven, Gem Hunt

Suppose Steven- by some as-of-yet unknown means- ends up accidentally corrupting himself. His sorry emotional state only further amplifies the effects of this corruption, and makes it really hard to retain control. Wormy Boi as a form could be like... all his inner demons made manifest, a metaphoric mirror into his current mental state. But- as he is half-human- he’s not entirely unaware of what’s happening. Perhaps... as the quote above could be sneaky foreshadowing for... how he’s turning back and forth between this corrupted form and his normal form. 

He likely wouldn’t want everyone to see him like this, doesn’t want everyone to visibly know the sheer depth of how much he’s hurting. But just like the corrupted Gems were only able to be helped in community, with the support of the CGs and the Diamonds in preparing the fountain, Steven can’t fix this on his own. 

He can no longer face the dark alone.

At some point, everyone has to take a brave step. Reach out. Accept help. 

Steven’s helped so many people, and surely he deserves that same love and care in return, too.

And perhaps, when he’s eventually healed from this- and has gotten the opportunity to be open with his family and friends about the hurt he’s facing- he’ll be left with “corruption scars” as well. I think it’s an important thing to address, that no one goes through experiences like these without lingering effects. Stuff stays with you. Healing is not always linear. But life is a continuous journey, and with the support of people who love you surrounding, you too can make a change... can continue to live to the fullest at every moment possible.

I think the above would be a lovely moral for Steven Universe to tackle in its last run of episodes, no matter how they approach it- daft corruption theory or not.

Now, in the end- a reiteration. This is just a wild theory. I’m not trying to be any authoritative voice saying that this is for sure what will happen, because in reality I have no idea what Crewniverse is cooking. However, I do think it’s fun speculation, and I am kinda spooked at how well things fit. 

Whatever happens, I’m sure it will make me weep like a baby, though. Hoh boy. Grant me sanity in these coming months as we wait for answers.