#incorrect nymphadora tonks

[incorrecttonks]

Arthur: Never question your wife's choices. Remember, you were one of them.

Remus: That is exactly why I question her choices.

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

Tonks, sitting across from Remus: if I could have any superpower in the world, it would be the power of seduction and you would be my first and last victim.

Remus: what?

Tonks: what?

[not-rab]

whatever u do don’t think about how Nymphadora Tonks was killed by a woman who looked just like her mother

just don’t think about that

[hxuse-xf-black]

Mad-Eye: Lucius Malfoy, you have the right to remain- Tonks, interrupting: A loser! Mad-Eye: Nice. But legally, I have to start over now.

[severussnapemylove]

Tonks; "How old are you, fifty?"

Severus; "Thirty eight."

Tonks; .....

Tonks; "War takes a toll, doesn't it?"

Severus; "Yes, it does."

[marauder-queen]

Remus: I think I am in love with Sirius.

Lily: I'm sorry?

Remus: I said, I think I'm-

Lily: No, I heard what you said, I'm just sorry for you.

[in-love-with-remus-lupin]

Remus : I'm not in love with her

Sirius : ...

Remus : I just miss her when she’s not around, I think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion through a field of flowers.

Sirius : *sighs

[daphneyoumustmakehaste]

moody: I have the sharpest memory, name one time I forgot something.

tonks: you left me in a parking lot like, three weeks ago

moody: that was on purpose, try again

[annabellelupin]

no one:

absolutely no one:

Joanne: imma just create two queer icons and make them marry each other and have a low-key toxic relationship where the biggest point in their relationship is they have a baby that becomes an orphan

[incorrecthogwartsmysteryquotes]

MC: This guy's a loon.

Tonks: Watch it, MC. My mama's half-loon.

[incorrecttonks]

Tonks: *shows Remus a plan she’s made for an upcoming mission*

Remus: I think you could do better.

Tonks: And who are you to say that? An aging Welsh professor close to fifty?!

Remus: I’m thirty-four.

Tonks: Thirty-four? Really?

Remus: *nods*

Tonks: Well, you look a lot older.

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

Tonks, ordering a milkshake: can I get two straws for that?

Remus: aww

Tonks: *puts them in her mouth* I’m a walrus!

[weasleydailyprophet]

Remus : Dora, please be ca--- Tonks : *Falls from the stairs* Remus : --reful

[hxuse-xf-black]

[Someone asks Tonks' help with a case] Someone: The article made it seem like you're pretty good at solving stuff without a lot of evidence. Tonks: The less evidence, the better.

[livinlikebailey]

Marauders as things my friend group has said

“Sometimes I forget how many dead people there are.” - Sirius @ Regulus during a family history lesson.

“ I’m gonna bite your toes while you’re sleeping,,, nibble, nibble, nibble” - a drunk Barty @ Evan who is ignoring him.

James: Drops phone on his face. James: claps friends theme song. James: picks phone back up like nothing happened.

“I’m a bi guy, a simple bi guy and I am 99% Lilly Evans and 1% Regulus Black.” - James Potter

“ Why do all the cute ones gotta be Deatheaters?” - Rita @ Bellatrix

“Iron chickens do not have iron testicals” - a very drunk Sirius @ an unfortunately sober Remus.

“I have decided that i am a snack it just no one is hungry” - Peter

Marlene: Climbs on train track bridge Dorcas: “Oh you are so fucking dumb, I look away for 2 seconds”

“No bite, no smile!” - Remus @ James who is trying to take a picture of him too close to the full moon.

“If i was there i’d slap her i don't care if she's 9” - Mary to lily after hearing about the shit her sister was doing to her. “James, I am a pussy.” - Peter to James about the forbidden forest.

“I would be James’ sugar bab- AHH!” - Lily about James to Mary.

“I have to go through all my saves and delete the videos of him because he turned out to be a pedophile… Hey! I had a chance with him” - Remus probably at some point.

“Was that CORPSE? Woop!” - Drunk Remus at a party.

Remus: “ughhhh” Sirius: “what?” Remus: “I hurt and I'm dying.” Sirius: “don't die, that's for kids”

Barty : sits up really quick "guys I just swallowed the nail, it's in my throat." Barty: proceeds to cough up the nail

Pandora: shows Regulus a picture she drew "this is cute" Regulus: "you're cute. wait that didn't go how I wanted it to.”

Barty: “RACCOON WORLDS DOMINATION”

Sirius: “Do I look like a freaking rat?” Regulus: ….. Sirius: “Don't answer that”

Effie: hears a song playing from james’ room “I used to listen to this song in grade school.” James: “Oh so it's really old then.”

Remus: "sips coffee stressfully"

Barty: "seductively eats toes"

Evan: "for your next random gift I'll get you a screwdriver Barty: "thanks I'm gonna kill myself with it"

Marlene: whining "mom James got me addicted to cocaine" wait I mean Crack cookies" - Marlene @ Effie

Nymphadora: tries to lick cat. Andromeda: "don't lick the kitty." Dora: proceeds to lick cat.

Barty: "school sh**tings" gives thumbs up

Sirius: shows Remus their high heels Remus: "okay whore" smacks hand over mouth "wait i- that wasn't supposed to come out" Sirius: laughs their ass off

James: yells across the store to mom “mom!" Random person at the checkout: looks at James "I am not mom."

“Effie’s a Milf” - Marlene

“I don't have nothing, other than a few std's” -Remus

“You can eat half a mermaid before you're a cannibal” - Pandora to Regulus

“Probably shouldn't be doing it but we’re definitely going to continue anyway” - Remus, Sirius, James and Peter in sync.

very confused Peter: “leprechauns don't play quidditch.”

Marlene: “like weewoo but not weewoo” exasperated and high off her ass

Sirius: “I like aids”

phone falls off bed Marlene in an Australian accent: "crikey my phone"

“I’m hooked up to so many wires i could connect to hbo on my heart monitor” - Lily on pain killers to James

"I don't think I can lick that, can I?" -Sirius playing goat simulator

watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs and it's at the part where the mayor destroys the machine and James says " I hope you see the error of your ways, you glutton!”

(talking about Cameron Monaghan) the murder child from my chemical romance - Sirius

"Fuckin’ Sirius"- Remus while asleep

Sirius "I've got middle fingers and i'm not afraid to use them" Regulus: "do it" Sirius "I’m a little afraid to use them"

Peter while asleep: groans and sits up fast James: "you okay?" Peter "not really." James: "What's wrong?" Peter: "I'm gonna have to use the loo to solve the thing."

Sirius: "So were you born in 2006, 2007?" Narcissa: "i was born in 2004" Regulus: "i don't mean this in a mean way but wow you are old"

Sirius: "I WANNA HOLD YOU" Remus "NO, LET ME MAKE COFFEE THEN YOU CAN"

Barty: "I'm gonna do a line off your dresser"

Barty: "i have a headache" pauses "and i have 2 more lines to do"

Mary: "I don't have to do acid I have the that back massager that messes with my balance receptor"

Barty: suddenly sits up Regulus: “are you okay” Barty: “i don't know, i'm just gonna go to sleep and try to see what's going on”

Barty: "Why not use a shotgun, it's easier, this is america." (was not in america)

"stop licking the oreos" - Reg @ Barty

"Do i really have to tell you not to mate with the cat"- McGonagall @ the marauders

Remus: “I can feel the brain damage,, and i've got another line”

“MY TRAUMA CAN'T HANDLE THIS!”- Sirius

“Ball licky licky titty croissant” - James trying to learn french from Regulus

“Ooo yay i love being kidnapped!”- Barty probably at some point

“The 3 c's cook, clean, cocktails”- Remus “The 3 b's bake broil blowjobs”- Sirius

“LET ME UPLOAD MY PORN DAMNIT” - Marlene probably

"Dorcas you should be my sugar mommy" - Pandora

"An air whore" Remus

"My skyrim character is Schizophrenic" - James

"I wanna blow up pumpkins, and People!!!!" -Bellatrix

"I can taste it in my eyeballs" - James

"you can't take terrorists to the airport"-Peter

"I'm really bad at swallowing" - Sirius

“you can't fuck a duck, you'd have to seduce it” - Evan

"Hey your boobs are crooked"- Marlene

"i’m sorry, i accused you of taking my grandpa" -Sirius

"im a gay virgin"-Regulus

"duck now motherfucker" Sirius @ James

"i wanna become a rug or everyone does a line of my ashes when i die" - Remus

"you can't be funny while I'm smoking" -Remus @ First year after he walked out the door

"I'm leaving, i don't care that much about being drug free" - Barty

[marauder-queen]

Sirius: Remus, look what Harry got me for father's day!! *holds up #1 Dad*

Remus, glaring silently while sipping from his own '#1 Dad' mug:

Sirius: that lying bitch