#is there a name for Book Snapchat?

[writeouswriter]

If I ever have a character mention a modern app like Tiktok or something in one of my stories, please assume I’ve been bodysnatched or am being held hostage somewhere.

[michibap]

jschlatt and a chronically offline gf

-i do not give a Fuck about where u guys meet

-all i know is that you two are introduced when he fails to stop himself from Actually laughing out lout when he sees you whip out a cracked to shit iphone 5c

-and while it's a bit of a rocky start, bc youre like 'WHO is this hairy motherfucker and WHY is he laughing at me',

-you two find you actually have quite a bit of common ground

-the conversation flows fairly well, with the two of you sharing similarly dry senses of humor and a mutual appreciation for retro technology

-you listen to him ramble on about some game you've never heard of and he listens to you talk about a cool book you're reading that has a similar plot

-he notices you kinda just smile and nod when he makes some pop culture references that would usually get him some laughs, but he brushes it off

-maybe the two of you get separated at some point, with promises to pick up later

-but he doesn't see you again

-so he takes to the internet and tries to find your social media

-he kind of feels like a freak seeking you out like this, but something about you just drew him in

-what's the worst that could happen from him just looking up your name on a few social media platforms?

-and i'll tell you.

-coming up with fucking NOTHING

-and he feels fucking crazy because there's NO WAY that he can't find you any where

-he’s been making the internet his bitch since he learned to read

-if anyone should be able to find somebody on socials, it would be him

-but after tabbing through the search bar on five platforms, his goal shifts from finding your profile and shooting you a quick dm

-to proving that you exist

-and he’s not spiraling into schizophrenic mania

-he's checked instagram, twitter, snapchat, reddit, facebook, fucking myspace

-an hour later, he found himself scrolling through linked in and decided to put it to rest

-the only evidence that you're an actual human who exists is some article that you were in from when you were in high school, and you being in the profile picture of your mother's private facebook account

-and part of him feels a little bit like a creep after scouring the internet to find anything he can about the girl he talked to literally ONCE

-he decides to give up, resigning himself to the fact that if he was meant to find you, he would have by now

-so he lets it go, and goes about life as usual

-until around three days later, when he catches a vaguely familiar face in the crowd

-and he sees you see him too, looking a little confused, but nonetheless pleased to see him

-he forces himself to BUCK THE FUCK UP and ask for your number

-apologizes for seeming forward and sheepishly admits to not being able to find your socials

-gives you a confused look when you laugh,

“That tracks, I'm not into social media like that."

-you exchange phones to type in your respective numbers

-rolling your eyes when he makes fun of your home button

okay cutie headcanons NEOW

-your first date is obvi at an arcade

-and it smells like feet and there are offputting teenagers at every turn, but you two have a blast playing games together and trying to sabotage one another

-him choosing the stupidly huge stuffed gorilla off the prize wall and turning to you with a cheesy grin

"I don't know what you think this is, but I am not taking that fuckin' thing home."

-he shrugs, handing it off to you

-smile growing larger when you accept it with open arms despite your frown, struggling to hug it to your chest due to it's absurd size

"You hafta."

"Where am I supposed to put it?"

-another shrug,

"I dunno, 's why I'm giving it to you."

-him laughing and struggling to push the plush away as you shove it in his face, attempting to force him to take it back,

"No, I will NOT allow this creature to fuck with my feng shui."

"NO TAKE BACKS"

-he finds out you carry a digital camera on you bc your phone will actually explode if you try to take a picture with it

-and he just KNOWS he's finally found someone to match his freak

-cutie disposable camera pics :(((

-u letting him go through your photo albums and he's cheesing, picking up the pictures with such care, not wanting to ruin them but wanting to get a closer look

-forcing him to get out of the house by noon and touch grass

-and he'll groan and grumble as you drag his ass out of bed

-but some of his favorite moments with you are in an ambient cafe or at the park, people watching, getting some work done, or just enjoying one another's presence

-reading to him 🤭 and him giving commentary on whatever you read

-"Have you heard about-"

"Probably not."

-him dragging you kicking and screaming back onto the internet (you don't actually mind)

-just bc the content is so good

-making you sit beside him while he scrolls through his reddit or tiktok submissions

-and when you're inevitably confused and a little disturbed he'll go on a tangent to explain why what he's showing you is funny

-multiple viral clips of him explaining internet lore to you

"This one goes all the way back to vine-"

"Oh, I remember vine!"

"Pause, you were on vine?"

"No."

-chat's only real access to you is through him, not even the sleuthiest internet stalkers are able to find you

-so ofc they're all vying for your attention on the occasion that you appear on stream

-you stop in to drop off a snack or water or sth and he's like

"Wait stay 🥺"

and you're like

"No."

-so the internet watches him wrangle you into a bean bag chair and just chill there for the rest of the stream

-sometimes you'll interact and give input, most of the time it's not too dissimilar from having one of the cats in the background

-with you just chilling doing your own thing in the background, often with one of the said cats curled in your lap

-the internet screaming and crying and shitting its pants because they KNOW there's untapped jambo and [redacted] content on your phone that they'll never get to see

-i feel like the disconnect between his work and his personal life (you) could kind of be a double edged sword

-bc on one end, when he's with you he gets to completely remove himself from anything work related and really unwind

-on the other, sometimes the two of you will struggle to relate to one another bc of how differently your work and social lives operate

-anyways

-chatting on stream and he has to scramble to clap a hand over your mouth bc you still don't quite have the "influencer" rules down, like not providing any real names or locations or anything like that

-there being a certain subsection of viewers who are dedicated to finding out everything they can abt u which is kinda freaky

-but it makes casually dropping lore sososo fun

-him ranting about twitch/youtube beef or whatever and he's using people's usernames instead of real names out of habit

-there's a break in his tirade and he turns to where you're sitting at the counter, listening very intently and nodding

"Right, right... and these are people we're talking about?"

-traveling with him 😭

-he was completely prepared to be leading you around japan

-but you've been without iphone for so long that you still have the lost skill of rawdogging the world

-he gets the two of you lost by getting on the wrong train, because some app something or other was lagging

-the train dropping you off at some fuckass station in rural Japan and he's panicking but you BOSS that shit

-him being nervy about you meeting his friends because he KNOWS they might seem a little odd to any other traditionally adjusted adult

-nd you having to be like "I put up with your shit all the time."

-and of COURSE it goes well because why wouldn't it

- “who put this regular-ass cat in the zoo”

-he thinks it was a success

-until you call him a rizzler in the car on the way home

-him freezing and turning in his seat to stare at you for a beat

"... Who taught you that?"

"I've been sworn to secrecy."

-coming to your apartment the first time and being a little appalled at the fact that you still watch cable television

"I don't know how you fuckin' live with these ads every three seconds..."

"The TV is usually only on when you're here, my love."

-CLOCKED

-you have a really old pc set in your house for when you have to answer emails at home

-im talking like iMac G3

-he's figuring out how to stream on that shit, he doesn't care if it KILLS HIM

-overall

-i think chronically offline gf would be his PEACE

-no sigma, no rizz, no skibbidi toilet

-bringing in a sense of normalcy that grounds him in a way he didn't even know he needed

[bobgasm]

the snappening | b.f

pairing: robert “bob” floyd x f!reader word count: 1723 warnings: smut, nsfw [18+ only], praise kink, superior/insubordinate, use of sex toys, dirty talk, masturbating on video, mutual masturbation, begging, very minimal background information [for me]

summary: in which you send a snapchat to the wrong person…

author’s note: there’s absolutely no excuse for this. enjoy

oneshot | masterlist | ao3

With another week of training finished, you went out to celebrate with a few of the other pilots in your squad. You knew that if you drank with Luke, one of the junior aviator’s, you’d wind up in his bed again, so you did everything in your power to avoid that. At least, you tried your best.

Luke was cute, and after you’d arrived home from your latest mission, you’d gone out a few times. Each time had ended up with you in his bed, but it was definitely a more casual arrangement. He was there to scratch your itch, and you were there to scratch his. A mutually beneficial itch-scratching situation.

He knew you were interested in someone else, but he was always down to get down. He didn’t care that you were using him, because at the end of the day, he had you in his bed. Not the other guy.

But after your week of working alongside Bob a lot more than you were used to, the crush had grown. You didn’t want to sleep around with Luke anymore, you wanted a way to get Bob to see you in a different light.

It didn’t help that his Snapchat came up under the recommended friends and that every time you drank you thought of finally hitting the ‘add’ button next to his name. You didn’t even know if he used it all that often, but you were curious and your curiosity certainly got the best of you. Your drunk thumb tapping the ‘add’ button without a second thought, quickly tucking your phone into your pocket to avoid seeing if he accepted it or not.

Luke brought you another drink and you thanked him. You’d tried to avoid him all night, but he kept drifting towards you. You had to be more clear and tell him it wasn’t happening tonight, but you hated having these kinds of conversations.

“You wanna get out of here after this drink?” He asked you.

Yeah, he was cute with his hazel eyes and messy hair, but he had nothing on Bob. It wasn’t fair to keep using Luke like this, even if he was okay with it.

“Not tonight,” you told him truthfully. “I don’t think this is a good idea anymore.”

He nodded slowly, taking your words in. “It was good while it lasted, right?”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “I’ll see you around, Luke.”

With the drink Luke gave you, you headed off to the bar. Quickly swallowing the contents before booking an Uber to take you home. It had been a long week and you were ready to crawl into bed before having to do it all again next week.

The notification came in while you were waiting for your Uber that Bob had accepted your request. Your eyes almost bugged out of your head as the notification bar said he was typing.

well this is a surprise

sorry, i’m drunk. Ucan ignore me

I didn’t say it was a bad thing

Your thumbs hovered over the keyboard as the chat bubble appeared that he was typing again.

I'm drunk too

why aren’t we drunk together?

you didn’t invite me so I went to Jake’s

The next thing you knew, he’d sent you a picture of Hangman and Rooster passed out on pool loungers outside and Bob giving you a thumbs up. You laughed and sent a blurry picture of you smiling back with the caption “waiting for my uber.”

good girl getting an uber

fucku for calling me good girl

but you are…

You groaned as Uber notified you that your driver was here. You quickly made your way outside, forgetting all about the last message Bob had sent you. Until he sent another one while you were climbing in the car.

probably a good thing we aren’t drunk together

why’s that? x

you know damn well why

x

I’m afraid Idon’t… I’m a visual learner btw ;)x

ur killin me x

You didn’t realise you had stopped at your apartment complex until the driver announced your arrival. You quickly rated and tipped him before scrambling out of the car and entering your building. Glancing at your chat thread with Bob in the elevator and trying to think of something to reply.

uthink it’s any easier for me?

The chat sat unopened as you unlocked your apartment and closed your curtains before turning the light on in your bathroom. Quickly changing into your pj’s before sliding into bed and checking for a response. Groaning when there was nothing.

Maybe you should’ve let Luke take you home instead?

You’re touching yourself before you know it, running your hands over your chest. Skimming under your shirt and teasing your nipples. Hips rolling at the sensation before slipping a finger under the waistband of your shorts and pressing it to your clit.

“Fuck,” you moaned out. 

The idea was in your head long before you realised you were actually filming yourself. In your haze you assumed you’d double-tapped on Luke’s name. The screen shone as you moaned again, closing your eyes as your fingers delved into your heat.

“I need you,” you moaned. “Fuck, I’m so wet. I need your mouth…your tongue against my clit. Two fingers in my cunt and five around my neck. Please,”

Blindly, you sent the video. Curling two fingers inside you that didn’t quite reach deep enough to have your body shaking.

You looked at the screen as the notification came through from Snapchat. The notification that Bob had replayed the video.

Fuck.

You groaned at your own idiocy and shot up in bed, ready to apologise and beg him to forget he’d seen it. That it wasn’t meant for him, but that admission alone felt sour against your tongue. It felt wrong, because he was the one you were fantasizing about. Bob was the one you actually wanted to touch you.

Not Luke.

You stared in horror at the thread you had with Bob saying that he’d sent an audio message. Part of you was curious to see if he was mad or…excited.

You bit your lip as you opened the chat. Turning your volume up so you could hear it before pressing play.

“Jesus, fuck,” he groaned. “So fuckin’ filthy…so fuckin’ needy. You gonna cum fantasizing about me, baby? Hm? Fuck, I’m so hard just thinking about you cumming while thinking of me.”

You sent him a message back that said, “I told you I’m a visual learner,” and waited. He opened the message, and soon enough, you had a photo of him in his underwear staring back at you. His erection tenting his Calvin’s, his hand wrapped around the base. Showing you while not really showing you.

You quickly kicked your shorts off and reached for your dildo, filming yourself as you sucked on the tip. Getting it nice and sloppy, holding eye contact with the screen before moving the view to your dripping cunt and pressing the toy inside. Gasping at the sensation, slowly withdrawing it as you moaned Bob’s name.

“Wish you were here fucking me,” you said. “I need you, Bob. Need you so fucking badly. So fuckin’ wet for you. I’d take your cock so good.”

Some of your words were mumbled, but the video was sent before you could doubt yourself. Continuing to fuck yourself with the dildo while you watched Bob open and replay the video. You groaned at the thought of him jerking off while watching you. So close to your orgasm, you refused to cum until Bob sent a video back.

You grinned wickedly when he did and turned the volume up as you watched it. He lay on the couch palming himself over his boxers, groaning softly as he tugged the waistband down and freed his cock.

“See?” He said lowly. “I knew you were a good girl. Taking that dildo so good.” He chuckled as he slowly stroked his cock. “Fuck, you’d be so tight around me. God, listen to you. So fucking wet. I want to see you cum for me, baby. Can you do that?”

“Fuck, Bob,” you moaned, filming yourself once again. “Want to feel how deep you are inside me. Wanna cum all over your cock. Wanna feel your hands all over me, your mouth. Just wanna make you feel good.”

You came hard at the admission. Thrusting the dildo deep inside your cunt as your legs clamped down and your body shook. You chanted Bob’s name over and over again, smiling drunkenly at the camera as you came down from your high. Stopping the video before sending it back to Bob. Taking a second to gather yourself before cleaning up in the bathroom and hopping back into bed.

Bob had replayed the snap again, and it’d been a few minutes since that notification. You got comfortable, waiting for him to send a response. You’d come, you didn’t really care if he wanted to show you his own orgasm.

Then the video appeared and you watched with hungry eyes. He grunted and groaned as he stroked his cock, hips thrusting upwards into his hand.

“Such a good little girl, fucking hell,” he groaned, teasing the angry red tip of his cock. “Gonna make me cum, baby. Fuck, I wish I was inside you. Need to feel that tight little cunt squeezing my cock as you cum. Fucking hell.”

His cock twitched in his hand, cum spurting out and running over his knuckles. His moan was muffled, almost strangled. Hand slowly stroking his cock through his orgasm, milking the last of his cum from his cock.

You sent him a picture of you smiling back, with the caption, “I’d make you a mess, but I’d also clean you up,” and added a winking emoji before sending the photo. Your mind was reeling from what you’d just done, but your body felt satiated. Maybe it was because Bob had been far more into it that you’d thought? Maybe it was because you were drunk that you could actually rationalise it?

Either way, you felt dopey. Blissful. 

Bob’s response was to save your photo to the chat before he typed his response. 

i’ll see you tomorrow for your mission briefing. rest up x

You groaned and buried your head in your pillow. You’d really done it now. 

[urfavlarry]

hihi! can i request a fic where the read is ben and aidens childhood friend and they both like the reader? like how would that go 🎀

Love triangle

Ben & Aiden x childhood friend!reader

warnings: swearing, bad grammar, brief mention of gagging

A/N: the texting part reminds me of a part from a book called call me by your name :0

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╰┈➤ ⋆｡‧˚ʚ 🎧🛹 ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Your childhood was a wild one. Of course it was! You had Aiden in your childhood! He wasn’t always like that, and you knew. The same with Ben. One lost his sparkle and the other gained it. You couldn’t lie if someone asked if you were some how involved in Aiden dyeing his hair. How could you not! He would be happy so you would do anything for your best friend. You and Aiden were there for Ben when he was going through tough time, you being the one that bought him his headphones to help him calm down. Of course they were there for you too! When you had family issues, personal issues, or even school issues! They were always there for you as if they were your unpaid therapist haha.

Your summers were never dull when with them, Ben being the only reasonable one and got you two out of trouble most of the time. He was the one that you always called at night when something was bothering you, knowing Aiden would probably already be sleeping, his snoring sounding like a damn alarm clock! Aiden however would be there for you during injuries and things like that. He was quite experienced with patching people up since he himself had to do it a lot on himself. Skateboarding injuries suck ass.

And here you were, looking at your phone, two different tabs opened. One with yours and Aidens chats and the other with yours and Bens. Both having the last message as;

— — — — — — — — — — — —

‘I love you Y/N.”

— — — — — — — — — — — —

What were you supposed to do? Yes you liked them but you weren’t sure if you could choose between them. You gagged at the thought of dating the both of them, thinking it would be weird since they are literally cousins. You shake off the thought, groaning and scream into your pillow. Watching the time go by, you get another text from Aiden and Ben;

— — — — — — — — — — — —

‘Hello? Y/N?? Are you there?’

‘Y/N?”

“HELLOOOO?”

— — — — — — — — — — — —

“Y/N everything okay?”

— — — — — — — — — — — —

You open the messages, trying to type out an answer but every single one felt like it wasn’t enough.

‘I need more time.”

You rewrote that to;

‘Could we talk about it in person?’

Nope! Rewriting that to;

‘Maybe we should just stay friends? No hard feelings right?’

FUCKING HELL Y/N, NO!!

‘I love you too, but I just can’t choose between you two, I love you and Ben so so much, you’re my best friends after all, why wouldn’t I? You have been here for me since we were 8, and I appreciate that but I don’t think I can love one and leave the other behind, I’m sorry.’

Yeah, that seems alright. You send the message and send the same thing to Ben, just rewriting his name to Aidens. They both must be so confused, I doubt they told each other about their feelings towards me, knowing the both of them a bit too well. You hear your phone blow up a bit, deciding to ignore them, you start to pack. Oh reader, nobody told you? You’re moving! Out of the state, well.. to a whole new continent! Isn’t that exciting? Well, it would be if this whole thing wasn’t going on. You’re leaving behind the people you love so much, how sad and American high school movie is that? Your mom yells for you to hurry, grabbing the photos and gifts from the group. You look at your now empty room, walking downstairs you send a quick; “Goodbye America<3” with a picture of your suitcase on snapchat and turn off your notifications. Everyone in the group knew, except Aiden and Ben. You walk downstairs, everything packed and ready. Your mom was waiting for you in front of the car, grabbing your things and puts them in the back of the car.

She smiles at you, hugging you and kisses your forehead. “You ready to go ducky?” She asks and you nod, smiling at her. She pats you on the back and you both get in the car. You get comfortable, knowing it would be a long car ride when you see Ben and Aiden sprinting out of their homes. Your dad drives off, Ben and Aiden chasing the car for what felt like hours yet it was only just a few seconds. They looked devastated, heart broken even. But it’s what the three of you needed; a fresh start.

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╰┈➤ ⋆｡‧˚ʚ 🎧🛹 ɞ˚‧｡⋆

[pandorafairy]

The Sully's in American Public School

Lo’ak:

Wears Nike Jordan's and sweatshirts  

Snapchats Tsireya in class: “So wyd?” “Wanna meet at the gym in 5?”  “U look cute today”

Takes the hall pass to go to the bathroom and never goes back to class

Attempts to make thirst traps and TikTok’s in said bathroom 

Makes fun of Neteyam to his friends but if one of them agree, Lo’ak will punch them 

Always late to class and will try to talk the teacher out of giving him a tardy (it never works)

Is literally always in trouble for something

Runs track and plays basketball

"Ayo, my parents are out of town. Party at my place tonight!"

Neteyam:

Definitely the best dressed guy in school. Baggy jeans/cargos, oversized t shirts, bomber jackets/pullovers, and beanies.

Captain of the football and track team

A lot of people have crushes on him but he pretends not to notice

Involved in so many extracurriculars

Literally everyone knows who is but he's still always so nice. Like he is popular but goes out of his way to talk to everyone not just 'cool' kids

Really good at math

"Lo'ak said what???"

Kiri:

Always has her airpods in 

Pretends not to know Lo’ak 

Wears crystal necklaces 

Uses a bookbag not a backpack

Loves art and English class (actually enjoys Shakespeare)

Very quiet except for in debate. She completely dominates every single argument

Looks out the window and watches birds instead of paying attention during class (Rotxo likes to watch her because he can look at her without her noticing)

"Oh, I don't know a guy named Lo'ak." *rolls her eyes*

Tuk:

Tries to trade snacks at lunch but no one ever wants to because Neytiri makes her bring healthy food (Jake will secretly put candy in so she can trade) 

Definitely wears like Nike and Under Armor athletic wear but in cute colors

Races the boys at recess (she always wins) 

Goes crazy at Scholastic Book Fairs. She buys silly bands, bookmarks, those fuzzy mini wallets. Literally anything except actual books

She likes science. She loves learning about the chicks life cycle and watching them hatch

Her backpack is a mess

"Nete? Why are so many people in our house?"

Neytiri:

Gets in fights with PTA moms over dress codes (her kids can wear whatever they want)

On the environmental committee

Defends her kids always (even when it is clearly their fault)  “How do you know that Lo’ak did that?” 

Packs all their lunches and leaves good luck notes on days when they have a big test

Has to help the kids with their homework because they all cry when Jake tries to help them

"I am going to pluck out Lo'ak's eyes." *Lo'ak gets everyone out of the house and goes to hide* *Neytiri finds him easily*

Jake: 

Tries to help Tuk with her math homework but she always ends up crying and then Jake feels bad and gives her candy.

Big football dad (at all of Neteyam’s games) 

Drives his kids to all their school dances and gives their dates death stares

Makes friends with the other parents (Neytiri tries to be friendly)

Puts all their report cards on the fridge

"Neteyam! I said no parties. How could let your brother do this?" *Neteyam apologizes but secretly had a lot of fun and would do it again*

Thanks for reading! I've never written something like this but it was fun! Hope you enjoyed :)

[invinciblelikeu]

dream once pranked his mom and convinced her that lightning destroyed his room, he had a jar of shells that he collected from the beach, he hates adrenaline, he played slender man once when he was 13, his contact names in snapchat for george and sapnap have a lollipop and panda emoji respectively, he types with one hand, he waters down his onions when making guacamole so it’s not as strong, he once wrote an essay to his parents explaining why he didn’t need a bedtime, he used to send letters to publication companies to try and sell his books, dream made his little sister the judge of dream and sapnap’s cooking contests when they were kids, he watches animes recommended to him by his brother :D

[petit-etoile]

Astarion is a taco bell worker who has not had a single day off in 2 years because his manager can't be assed to teach anyone else how to close. He longs to one day see the sun again and be free of these twisted and evil taco nights

in  motion,  in 3D

pairing: astarion/tav wordcount: 7,156 content warnings: please do not have sex in parking lots !! but anyway, all characters are in university & tacobellstarion works to pay for his law books, i use a lot of pet names from both spawn & ascended astarion, but he's not a vampire in this universe so his morality is mostly in tact,  nearly 7k of pure smut other tags: alternate universe - college/university, porn what plot/porn without plot, pwp, established relationship, semi-public s.ex, b.lowjobs, riding, c.reampie, shameless smut, taco bell, gender neutral tav archiveofourown: here.

tag list: @azrielshadows1nger, @pandimoostuff, @faevi, @microskies, @foreverthemaraudersera, @queenofthespacesquids, @claryvoyantfray, @6doodlaang14, @anne-isnotokay, @itshimbotime, @yeeteth-the-raven, @sessils,@8-opossums, @worryknotdear, @abirdaboxandachippedcup, @ghosts-and-ink, @b4um3pfl4um3, @gunslingerorchid, @hypopxia,  @m0ssytrees, @erysione, @odette-attackattack, @catching-fire-in-the-wind, @ashrio20, @wills-mental-illness be added to the taglist here

summary:  Fast food jobs may as well be from Avernus itself, yet Astarion clocks in every day for a night-shift at Taco Bell in his silly little purple hat and his silly little purple uniform.

College is already hard enough. Add in a job on the side that requires you to stay up long before even the partiest of party kids have gone to sleep, and life might start to seem even bleaker. Astarion may not have gone out of state for his college adventures, but it was still hard. The expense of the university, the expense of staying on campus, and the expense of wanting to afford textbooks unfortunately resulted in this.

He takes a long, exhausted look around the cluttered Taco Bell and considers sobbing on the floor. Despite all the work put in to make the building seem pristine, the shop always seems as though it’s been through some soft of galactic turbulence by the time the night has ended. The last thing Astarion wants to see is a catty text from the day shift saying things were still dirty. He might snap his phone if he sees Enver Gortash (saved in his phone as DO NOT ANSWER!!!) texting him at a bright and early seven in the morning.

Fast food jobs may as well be from Avernus itself, yet Astarion clocks in every day for a night-shift at Taco Bell in his silly little purple hat and his silly little purple uniform. He hates it  —  He loathes it more than anything else, but it’s the only thing that keeps him from sinking further into nearing-graduation depression. This is the only way he stays sane.

He slips his phone out of his pocket and taps in his password, a cute little anniversary date, and checks his text messages before anyone can rat him out to the team manager in the back. There’s a Snapchat that he can’t check and a few text messages, and he presses on them so desperately he thinks he might be going a little insane. It’s only been a few hours and yet…

LOML: i'm coming to get u!!

Astarion smiles so wide he thinks his face might crack. It makes him giggle, swing his feet, twirl his hair around his finger. He feels very baby girl, as Karlach liked to put it. He types a quick ‘MY HERO’ before sliding his phone back in his pocket. That one text is all he needed to hold on for the last thirty minutes of work.

‘Alright!’ Wyll calls from the back. He looks up from his new shiny Apple watch. ‘Last customer is out, so you know what that means. Closing time. Let’s get this show on the road!’

Closing time is somehow the best part of Astarion’s day and the worst. The best, because he knows who will be waiting for him outside to pick him up as soon as everything is neat and tidied inside. The worst, because someone has to clean the bathrooms and he refuses to do it. There’s a bleakness, a despair to the Taco Bell bathrooms. It truly takes the world’s strongest to venture forth and clean them, and Astarion’s recently had a manicure. He scours the room critically before his sight lands on his second favorite co-worker ever!

‘Jenevelle,’ he purrs, turning to look at his younger co-worker. ‘It’s your turn to clean the bathrooms.’

‘It isn’t,’ she says snootily, pushing an Airpod into her ear to drown him out. ‘I did it yesterday. The men’s room is a crime against humanity.’

Astarion frowns. ‘I’m older. You do it. I refuse.’

'Just because you're like, seventy-something and still working at Taco Bell doesn't mean that's what the rest of us want to do,' Jenevelle says, blowing an obnoxiously large bubble with her gum. She slides off the counter and rolls her eyes. 'You're cringe.'

'Bold,' Astarion says, scandalized at only a young twenty-four years of age, 'considering that's coming from someone who put down the name Shadowheart on her application form and dresses like Olivia Rodrigo. Now, go clean the ladies' bathrooms before I feel inclined to point out you have nasolabial folds at eighteen.'

Shadowheart gasps in mock horror, putting a hand to her mouth. She rushes to get the cleaning supplies and does as she was told, but it doesn’t feel like a victory. Astarion is almost certain he’s going to wake up to a text from Gale laughing about how the story is being shared on a small indie podcast. It’s enough to send shivers down Astarion’s spine, but not enough to offer to swap places with Shadowheart. He goes back to petulantly sorting the hot sauce packets.

He pockets one mocking saying ‘I’m Your Main Squeeze!’ and shoves the containers back from where they came from. It’s easy closing, he tells himself. If closing were any easier, the morning shift wouldn’t complain so much. It’s what he has to tell himself as he wipes down the counter.

It’s hard to hold onto hope during these tough taco hours. Astarion just checked his phone, but if he were to check it again, he’s almost certain not even a minute would have passed. No matter how hard he scrubs the counter, everything smells like refried beans. His hair smells like refried beans. His shirt smells like refried beans. His skin must smell like refried beans. It’s a nightmare.

‘Dude, I cannot wait to get out of here,’ Wyll complains, coming to lean on the counter. He begins pretending to sort packets too. ‘Do you have any plans, Astarion?’

‘Ravengard,’ Astarion says patiently, ‘it is three in the morning. My plan is to sleep.’

‘Serious about that beauty sleep?’

‘Dead serious.’

Wyll hums. ‘The rest of us were going to go out for a drink. We wanted to know if you wanted to come with us. You know, to let off steam.’

Astarion considers it the same way one considers eating leftovers. He thinks about it then thinks about the sage old rule: There is nothing open after three in the morning besides jail cells and iHop. He decides against it. Doesn’t want to risk the price of bail after a night of drinking.

Besides, there’s someone coming to pick him up anyway. The thought of you crosses his mind and he can’t help but feel somewhat giddy about it. Between all the work from school and the stress of trying to make Burrito Supremes, you make going through the hardship of closing every single night worth it.

He’s supposed to be doing something, but Astarion can’t remember what it was that Wyll told him needed extra attention at the beginning of his shift or what closing a store entails anymore. He takes out his phone one more time and looks at his screen so he can memorize his screensaver which is a cute photo of you asleep in his shirt and drooling.

‘Ugh, you’re so happy it’s gross,’ Wyll says, wrinkling his nose.

‘Oh please,’ Astarion snorts. ‘As if you and Lae’zel aren’t sickening.’

If Astarion is being completely honest, almost all couples are. Somehow, the two of you don’t get to avoid that connotation. He remembers when you first started dating. You celebrated one week of dating, then two, then every month, then every other month just because it delighted you to do so. Astarion’s reputation is that he’s a prickly, unkind asshole which isn’t entirely too far from the truth, but the difference is that you are you, and you deserve all the nice things he can give.

But before anyone can complain about Astarion being sappy again, he slides his phone into his pocket and goes about his closing to-do list. He fusses over Karlach’s dishes. After working at a fast food restaurant, he’s pretty sure he’ll never eat at one again  —  but what the public doesn’t know what hurt them. They’re clean enough to anyone terribly concerned about it.

Isobel is hastily cleaning the floors. She and Aylin will never beat the grossest couple allegations, but Astarion thinks she’s the cutest thing in the world with her big eyes and fluffy eyelashes and perfectly smudged eyeliner. Once, he found Isobel and Shadowheart in the bathroom comparing shopping bags at Ulta instead of working the drive through. Astarion never told, but they owed him favors for two weeks in a row. Those were the best two weeks of his life.

Astarion does, however, fuss over the cleanliness of the lobby. The store itself feels permanently smudged in grease and smells about as nice as a locker room, but he refuses to be in the kind of establishment that refuses to clean the soda dispenser nozzles. He watches Wyll clean them then cleans them again himself.

And lastly, very lastly, Astarion gathers all the mops and brooms and rags and towels and puts them back from whence they came. Isobel finishes checking the filters to make sure they’re spotless about the same time Shadowheart comes miserably from the bathrooms with a look of utter despair on her features. He should probably feel bad, but he’s just thankful he didn’t have to do it himself. He wonders if he can somehow convince Wyll to do them tomorrow… but that’s a thought for another day, and Astarion only has one thing on his mind now that the store is closed.

You. 

Thank the gods, it’s you. You’re a blessing in disguise if you’ll ever admit it. You willingly wake up in the middle of the night to come pick up Astarion, and you’ve never complained about it despite it being well beyond your bedtime. It’s embarrassing to admit that it’s something the both of you look forward to. A little private time away from dorm roommates and their friends who all like to crowd into impossibly tiny rooms because they haven’t spent enough time with each other throughout the day somehow.

The thought of you puts a pep in Astarion’s step. He checks his phone one last time to read your latest text message and feels like his heart is about to soar out of his throat. He bounces from foot to foot impatiently while waiting at the door for Wyll to come see everyone out, but as soon as that door opens, he’s darting across the parking lot to your familiar car. He never gets in a hurry for anything, but it’s different tonight.

You watch the other couples scurry to their own vehicles for their own safety. Shadowheart rides with Karlach and they’ll hang out at Rolan and Lia’s until Viconia DeVir spam texts her enough that she comes home. Wyll races to Lae’zel’s slick sports car, and seeing them make it across the parking lot is all you really care about. You turn your devout attention back to Astarion.

One might be wondering what you’ve been up to tonight, but it’s an easy answer. You were studying for your many quizzes and tests which infuriate you to no end, because college is hard and Astarion can’t help you study. Not that he would be that helpful. Luckily, Gale and Halsin are astute professors who actually don’t mind helping students  —  and they both have a you shaped soft spot that makes it impeccably easy for you to convince them to tutor you. They helped you go over your coursework and somehow managed to play footsie with one another under the table at the same time, although Gale kept bumping into you by accident and Halsin kept laughing. Either way, you made it through two hours of intense studying in just enough time to pick up Astarion from work.

You almost wish he had helped you study instead, but… He’s smart, coy, a future lawmaker in the making, but Astarion is gorgeous. His talents are wasted on learning laws and balancing books. To say that you wouldn’t get anything done if Astarion helped you study is an understatement. One might think you innocent enough with a cute picture of you and Astarion as your lock screen, but opening up your phone shows one of your most recent endeavors. A risque photograph of Astarion’s cum on your stomach in black-and–white to make it less scandalous, of course.

He should be a model styled in the latest Gucci and coveted by all, but you’re also increasingly biased. You’re wearing a baggy band sweater and sweatpants when he comes around the corner of the restaurant, and he’s so incredibly cute in his stupid Taco Bell uniform that you can’t help but wiggle in your seat. You unlock the door as he comes bolting to the passenger side, and he climbs in and meets you halfway for a kiss.

‘You smell like tomatoes,’ you laugh.

‘Oh, I suppose I’ll walk home then,’ he snorts.

Astarion always comes home smelling of Crunchwrap Supremes and Baja Blasts. Underneath the smell of grated cheese and refried beans and offensive-to-the-nose lemon, he smells like his personalized cologne too. You sniff him unapologetically and try to not feel giddy as he giggle-snorts his way back into the passenger seat.

You watch as he flings his hat into your backseat and begins ruffling his hair back into the usual coiled, curly hairstyle he’s usually sporting. You watch, with a quiet smile, and fight the yawn that’s been plaguing you since you set out to study anatomy around midnight.

It would be downright cringe to admit you want to study his anatomy since he smells like Taco Bell, but the uniform looks so damn good on him. It’s dorky in a way that makes your heart race. When he stretches, his shirt untucks a little and a peek of his belly shines through. That makes what you’re feeling ten times worse.

Maybe it says more about you than it does Astarion, but he would be attractive even if he was wearing a paper bag. You’ve heard the way the other students gossip about him. They like his long legs or his lean neck, or his loud personality. He’s a self-proclaimed short king with a wicked smile and a dangerous sense of humor. That’s why, no matter what he’s wearing or what he’s been doing, the sight of him makes your heart seize into your throat. You want him. You want him bad enough that you glance around the parking lot to make sure everyone is gone.

‘Was work difficult tonight?’ you ask.

‘The customers,’ Astarion groans, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands. ‘Why do thirty seven high schoolers come into Taco Bell before close to order everything off the menu? It takes forever! And they’re so weird, shoving paper from their straws into their Baja Blasts and filling it with salt and pepper and hot sauce then daring their friends to drink it. Weird! Weirdos!’

‘What if I said I was hungry?’ you ask slyly.

‘Don’t even play,’ he growls. ‘I’m tired and  —  Oh my gods, you’ll never guess the drama from today.’

Astarion sets off on a long tangent about work related drama. His boss got into an argument with their boss and now everyone else is in trouble because someone who works the morning shift lost a set of keys. It’s nothing you’re particularly interested in, but it’s nice to hear Astarion talk to you. You adjust the radio to be quieter and turn the air up to be warmer. You’re so terrifyingly cozy you’re bound to fall asleep, but that’s okay. You lean back against your seat and close your eyes too.

‘That sounds like a mess.’

‘Aren’t you glad you don’t work?’

‘Beyond glad,’ you say.

Astarion hums. ‘How did studying go? Did you memorize anything interesting today?’

‘No,’ you say. ‘But, well, there was something I wanted your help with…’

You look across the console to watch him. He doesn’t seem as sleepy as you are. He offers you his hand and you take it just to hold it, fighting a shy smile as you do so. You give him a few more minutes to unwind after his shift before reaching for your keys in the ignition.

Astarion reaches for your hand. His fingertips slide across your upper arm to your fingers, wrapping around you to prevent you from starting the car. You swallow thickly. It’s almost like he read your  —

‘You look absolutely wrecked, my dear,’ Astarion says. ‘Switch sides with me. I’ll drive us home while you doze.’

It’s a tempting offer. Being driven home. It’s the sleep deprivation that’s driving you somewhat crazy, you think, because Astarion has never looked more handsome than he does now in the passenger seat, hair tousled and uniform lopsided, and a smile on his face. Your cheeks heat up.

Oh, it’s definitely the sleep deprivation. Part of you wants to simply wait until you’ve made it home to do anything wild. But Astarion keeps looking at you, appraising you with gentle curiosity. He is unbelievably proud of you and how hard you’re working, and that appreciation is doing wonders to the thoughts inside your head. Your palms start to sweat.

You do a quick look around the parking lot one more time. It’s entirely empty now, not a single car in sight. No Lae’zel or Karlach or Wyll or anyone who would interrupt. The lone overhead light keeps blinking on and off. If you were truly concerned about your situation, you would think that it’s something out of a horror movie. Those aren’t the thoughts going on in your head. What you’re really thinking is so gross it should be humiliating. Astarion’s hand is warm on your hand, and his belly is still showing underneath his shirt that’s ridden up, and he’s tilting his chin because he’s noticed you’ve gone unusually still.

‘I don’t want to go home,’ you say in a small voice. ‘And  —  I’m not hungry either, not really.’

‘Oh?’ he hums. ‘What do you want to do instead?’ 

Ah. There it is. Your chance.

You pull your hand from his and place it on his knee, thumb pressing against the side of his thigh. Astarion’s eyes glimmer dangerously. He’s caught onto your mood. He knows exactly what you want without you even saying it.

He reclines your seat and stretches even more in your chair, his legs splayed out in front of him lazily. He’s lithe and taut, hands gripping the headrest for no other reason than he knows it makes him look gorgeous. He raises his chin like a challenge. You slide your hand up his leg and squeeze his muscle. Your mouth has gone dry, but that’ll be changed soon. You nibble the inside of your lip and pray to the gods to give you bravery.

‘You’re insatiable,’ Astarion accuses.

‘It was the textbook,’ you say defensively. ‘I studied for so long, and now my mind has wandered.’

He tsks at you in disappointment. ‘The Taco Bell parking lot of all places.’

‘Shut up.’

He laughs, nice and low and dangerous, and presses his hand flush against his belly. He pulls his shirt up a little higher and you fight desperately to keep your eyes on his face.

‘Shut up?’ he mocks. ‘Is that the best you can do?’

‘I’ll show you,’ you say brazenly, ‘what I can do.’

It’s abysmal, the lust that overtakes you. You lean over the console and watch as he raises his shirt so that you can see the smooth plane of his abdomen. He’s lithe, sleek, refined. Even in his silly little uniform, you can’t help but think about how amazing Astarion looks  —  and he knows that’s what is racing through your mind, because he indulges in the attention that you’re granting him. You lean forward, one hand bracing yourself against the console while the other falls against his thigh for support, and kiss gently across his belly. From one side of his waist to the other, one hip bone to the other, until you fuss enough that Astarion helps slide his work pants down his hips to his thighs.

The ridiculousness of the setting is forgotten. You lavish Astarion’s cock with attention, the tip of your tongue tracing over the svelte shape, until he’s gently lacing his fingers in your hair to help guide you along. But you know his body almost as well as you know your own. You take the tip of Astarion’s cock into your mouth and kiss it. You graze your teeth carefully over the skin and feel his leg tense in anticipation, and slowly, you swallow it inch by inch.

His cock jerks in your mouth, growing and hardening beneath your careful ministrations. After being together for so long, you know what he likes. He likes slow and languid strokes. He likes when you hum and sometimes when you try to suck him as far down as you can, but you also know that he likes the occasional graze of your teeth, and you’ve barely touched him when he moans softly under his breath as if it’s humiliating to him how needy he is for you as well.

It isn’t the most comfortable position to be in. The gear shift is rigging uncomfortably into your ribs, and the sound of your leather seats sliding against your skin is an unwanted addition, but you’re mesmerized by the way Astarion tastes on your tongue.

Even after a long shift, he still smells immaculate. Your laundry soap overpowers almost everything else, and his satiny tip is salty with precum, but you’ve always enjoyed that taste more than anything else. You mouth gently against the length of him, kissing and sucking and tracing patterns against his cock with your tongue. The touch causes his hand to tighten in your hair, not enough that it hurts, but enough that you’re reminded of him.

It’s comforting, the feeling of his hand in your hair as he guides you up and down his length. It reminds you of less busy days when there’s no studying and no work shifts to be had. In the summer, you often spend your days stretched out across Astarion’s bed while he reads or writes, and you have more than enough sex to pass the times.

It’s far less organized here, but you take your time swallowing around his cock, sliding him as far down as you can into the back of your throat until Astarion is making little, wild noises. He’s trying to keep quiet, and you do your best to peek at him from the angle you’re at. He might as well be a work of art with how he looks. His eyebrows are taut, and he’s biting his bottom lip so ferociously you think you ought to be concerned. Astarion’s eyes soften when he notices you’re watching, and that’s more than what you need to sit up and slide your sweatshirt off over your head. It’s peak romanticism to fuck nasty in the empty Taco Bell parking lot.

You lean forward and take Astarion’s cock into your mouth again with intent. It’s not the most comfortable angle to suck him off at, but you’re determined to keep his eyes on you even if it means you’ll have the world's sorest neck in the morning. Because you’re watching, Astarion makes an effort to watch you as well. He fights against the fluttering of his eyelashes, determined to see you until the very end.

His skin is soft and hot against your tongue, and you focus on breathing through your nose and fight against your own budding arousal. You want to feast on him, to give him something to enjoy since it was your idea to do something like this in your car. You pay close attention to the soft tip of his cock as you suckle it, pressing little licks against the underside of his head, moaning softly even though your elbows are beginning to ache from the angle. You would bring him to completion like this if he would let you, but you can tell by the way his eyes seem to burn that he has other plans.

‘You’re insatiable,’ Astarion repeats, laughing low in the back of his throat.

He lifts you by the chin and kisses you, unfazed by the spit and the drool and the slightly salty taste that sits on the tip of your tongue. If Astarion wasn’t into it, he would let you know. But if you’re insatiable, then he’s equally as deranged. He guides you over the console and into his lap, pulling and tugging at your sweatpants and underwear until they’re around your ankles.

You do try to keep some sense of decency. You push your sweatshirt in a bundle against the front window like that’ll do anything to hide the scene, and he leans his seat as far back as he possibly can without straining too much. Now is not the time for romance, you decide. You’re used to begging Astarion to fuck you, to batting your eyelashes and playing up how shy you are about your wants and needs, but there’s no time for that now at three in the morning. You rut against him, holding his hands against your hips.

It goes without saying that the lewdness of the situation does cause your cheeks to flush. You hide your face into Astarion’s neck and try to pray away the shame. But you aren’t ashamed of your lust, you aren’t ashamed of your desire  —  Your only concern is the embarrassment of how close to Astarion you want to be, never mind the faint perfume of the Fiesta Veggie Burrito that clings to his skin. 

You worm your way into his lap fully, feeling how hard his cock is between your legs, and grind against the thickness of it. He guides your movement ever so carefully, murmuring sweet things into your hair that he wouldn’t be caught dead saying to anyone else. You’re amazing, don’t hide yourself from me, let us enjoy this together, and all other lyrics that Astarion is proud of. Finally, you reach between your thighs and take his cock into your hands, guiding it inside of you. You don’t have time to tease him, to take your time lowering yourself against his hips until he’s gripping your hips so hard you might bruise. You sink down onto him as quickly as you can, and gasp once you’re fully seated.

Gods, you’ll never get used to the feeling of him inside. He’s so thick and long that you feel impossibly full, that any movement you make will make you cum right then and there. Your hands always shake when you’ve taken him all the way to the hilt, and you bite your bottom lip to focus on the task at hand. This isn’t just about you and how easy it is to make your core burst with pleasure. This is about Astarion too. You want to thank him for all his hard work, to praise him even though he hates it, and you smile. Astarion smiles too. His eyes always get so soft when he looks at you… He’s never looked happier than he has when he looks at you.

Astarion’s hands rub soothingly up and down your spine. The touch is encouraging, is relaxing, and distracting. But no matter how hard he tries, he can't distract you from the way he looks up at you adoringly, almost as if he’s ever seen anything like it before. You relish in the heavy weight of his gaze, tilting your chin so that he can admire everything, and he does. Astarion watches you like someone would admire art at a gallery. He follows every line of your body that he can see, the curve of your neck, the fragility of your cheekbones, and runs his hands against your skin as though it’s the first time he’s ever felt it. It makes you feel special.

And of course, you are special. You were Astarion’s first after a string of countless conquests.

Astarion rubs his hands up against your sides, clasping his fingers taut around your waist so that he can guide you along the length of his cock. It’s all so simple. Astarion likes touching you in whatever way he can manage, especially after hours apart. You spend most of your time familiarizing yourself with the warmth of his hands as he traces his fingers against your spine, or pets through your hair, or massages any tense muscles that might be frustrating you.

He’s even more handsy during sex. You haven’t even moved yet, and he’s tugging at you, biting his lip as if that’ll keep him from trembling. Astarion has always been sensitive, but the recklessness of the situation seems to have riled him up. He paws at your hips. He’s desperate, intent, for some sort of sensation and you’re equally as needy, an overwhelming fullness causing you to shift your weight one more time so that you can balance on either side of his thighs without too much discomfort in a cramped space. You swallow, and slowly, pull yourself off his cock until you’re painfully empty again.

Astarion pushes his hands up beneath your undershirt. You stole it from his side of the bed before you came, somewhat desperate to be wrapped up in his scent. He presses his cheek against yours, and you kiss him  —  biting the swell of his lower lip and lapping at his tongue when he hums in response. He parts his lips for you and you kiss him messily, turned on by the way he arches at your intuitiveness.

It’s only then that you start really grinding against his lap, pushing his cock back against your core and rising off of it again, bouncing in his lap as he encourages you to do so. Astarion smiles against your teeth and digs his fingers into the curve of your ass. He pulls against his chest and further into his lap, filling you so full of his cock and encouraging you to rut against his hips so that the feel of it is the only thing you can think of.

Astarion is everywhere.

In your thoughts, in your mouth, in your body and mind.

‘Impatient,’ you whisper to him, trying to still your hips but even the thought of him sitting there while you take your pleasure is enough to send tingles down to your toes.

‘As if I’ll ever have enough of you,’ he murmurs in response. He tilts his chin back and offers you his throat. You bite the tender space beneath his jaw and suckle the skin, tasting a bruise blossom beneath your tongue. ‘O  —  Oh, that’s it.’

Astarion practically purrs as you leave your mark against his skin. You focus on that, claiming his neck right above the collar of his work shirt so that everyone will know the truth. Astarion Ancunín is yours.

‘Like that,’ he whispers soothingly.

Astarion shows his neediness like this, moaning faintly as you turn your attention to making another hickey. While you do that, he helps you grind and ride his cock, his fingers tucked neatly in the junction where your ass meets your thighs. He pulls you up and down his length without any strain, and it thrills you so much that your toes curl and you try to squeeze your thighs together. You whine against his throat.

‘You’re not the only one who doesn’t play fair,’ Astarion warns you.

He uses all of the strength you forget he has to bounce you in his lap. The pleasure is so intense it distracts you from your artwork, and you cry against his collarbone and cling to him. His cock causes you to feel empty and full  —  like you’ll never get enough of what he has to offer you.

And, well, any thoughts of playing fair after that have gone out the window along with your shame. The front seat of your car is cramped and tight, but you’re not really thinking about comfort as you chase that heat between your legs for something greater. Astarion does most of the work for you between the way he talks nasty and fucks even nastier, unable to keep his hands to himself for even a few seconds.

If his hands aren’t cradling your ass, then they’re beneath your thighs and if they aren’t there, it’s because he wants to torment you further by fucking into you hard by holding onto your hips as hard as his trembling hands will allow him.

Everything feels way too tight. The walls of your car seem to be caving in, and your clothes are suddenly clinging to you in a way that’s bothersome. You want to be closer to Astarion, to have fully melded your bodies together  —  and you curse the setting because if you had just been patient, you’d be halfway home to a comfortable bed.

‘You’re naughty,’ Astarion whispers, and it does something for you. ‘Did you miss me  —  Oh fuck, that’s good.’

You bite his neck to keep him from talking. If Astarion talks, you’re going to lose whatever decorum you have left. You wrap your arms around his neck and whine softly in his ear, nuzzling against his warm skin.

‘I missed you,’ you whisper against his neck.

‘I know you did,’ he murmurs, stroking your hip. ‘I can  —  Mm, I can tell how badly you missed me. Look at how well you’re riding my cock.’

‘Astarion  —  ’

‘I love the way you say my name,’ Astarion whispers fiercely. ‘I could listen to it all night and day. Say it again for me, pet. I’ll make you say my name.’

Heat causes your cheeks to flush. You’ll never get used to the casual way he says the raunchiest things, and yet, you can’t help but shiver against his chest at the observation. You wouldn’t have said that you were doing well at it. The roof is short, your legs are cramping, but somehow, that makes the feeling even better. There isn’t much room for you to go, and for that you’re grateful. It means Astarion can’t tease you endlessly with the length of his cock. Every move you make has to be short, frantic, calculated, and the tip of Astarion’s cock is pressed so deeply against your core that you can barely stand it.

‘Oh, it’s so much,’ you gasp.

‘Yeah?’ he muses. ‘You were made for me. You were made to take my cock. You’ll take it for me, you’ll cum for me.’

He uses his knowledge of all your favorite tricks against you. You cannot escape his grasp, one arm wound tight around your waist while the other now presses lightly against the nape of your neck. Astarion kisses the side of your mouth passionately and keeps you even closer than the limits of your surroundings. That riles you up even more.

‘I want to  —  I want to, Astarion, oh  —  ’

You drag your hips up carelessly, unburdened by shame or nervousness. You’ve known Astarion since your first day in the city, and you’ve been through enough and had each other enough to no longer feel embarrassed by your needs, not that Astarion had ever let you feel insecure about anything. You whine against his neck, and he kisses you fully then, a pouty mouth against your needy tongue, and then you maneuver yourself in his lap so perfectly that it catches Astarion off-guard and he moans fully against your chin.

You lose yourself in the feeling and the sound. Astarion’s moans sound even better in a tight, enclosed space. His voice is soft, low, dangerous when it needs to be, and he only becomes this unraveled with you.

It’s an intoxicating feeling. You cry softly, nose bumping against his, and fall apart at the sound of his arousal, the feeling of his fingers dancing across the back of your neck, the sharp ecstasy that burns like a wildfire in the center of your stomach. You want to chase your release now. To find it in his lap, against his throat, softly and hoarsely in his ear. But you aren’t ready, not yet, and it takes all of your nerves to pull away.

It’s humid inside the car now. You take a quick look at the sight. You reach for stability, your palm sliding against the fogged window, smearing a glance into the darkness outside. You rest your other hand against the center console and arched your back, height leveraged against Astarion so that he can see you fully. He’s quick to respond to your change in position, no longer kneeling forward, but high above him like you’re sitting on a throne.

Astarion’s hands slide beneath the shirt you have left, palms trailing smoothly up the arc of your belly, warming the skin of your chest. He sighs handsomely and stares at you, leaning back so that he might enjoy the sight of you fully. And now that you’re able to, you’re able to pull fully all the way off the length of him, leaving him without the feel of you clenched tight around his cock. You’re only able to wait a few seconds for your own sake before you’re wiggling all the way back down until you are right back to where the gods want you to be.

‘You look delicious,’ Astarion says proudly, wearing a familiar half-smile.

‘For you,’ you confess. And it’s true.

‘You always look so beautiful to me,’ Astarion says in a tone that reminds you of when a cat has had its fair share of milk. He’s preening, cocksure. ‘Go on,’ he adds. ‘Fuck yourself for me.’

You swallow hard and do as ordered with a different rhythm. No longer do you seek out slow assured strokes. These are quick movements, careless, unpracticed and unmeasured, and Astarion helps you with two thumbs pressed against your stomach. It’s his turn to lean as far back as he can to give you all the room you need, and while it isn’t perfect, it’s probably the second hottest thing the two of you have done together. Fucking in a car in an empty parking lot. Your fingers slip against the window and Astarion catches you by the elbow, sliding his hand up your forearm so that he can wrap his fingers around yours.

‘Like that, beautiful,’ he says encouragingly, helping you. ‘You’re close, aren’t you? Don’t you want to?’

You nod, unable to trust how your words would sound. One way or another, he always gets what he wants, and you know that with enough time and focus on your pleasure, Astarion will have you mewling.

‘Come on, baby,’ Astarion encourages you, and you can’t help but follow his every command. ‘I love the way you ride me  —  I was made to fill you up, you take my cock so well.’

His words only make you even more frenzied, riding him to the best of your abilities just so he’ll say something sweet about you again. He babbles nonsensical things about you, and if you were in a clearer headspace, you’d be able to make out his words but all you understand now is the nerves building up in the very bottom of your stomach as you chase satisfaction, so determined to see his face once it’s all over.

He coos at you, chin tilting all the way back so you’re able to stare at his pale throat. A gorgeous throat, sleek and elegant, wearing proof of your existence in little bruises and bites that are both new and almost healed. You want to bite him again, to let your teeth graze his Adam’s apple while he talks about politics that you barely understand, and with that, you reach for the back of his neck so that you can slam your mouths together in a clumsy kiss. Astarion hisses, and then he’s biting your lower lip until it swells, and you kiss him so sweetly your head spins.

And from there, you don’t last long. Your legs are shaking harder than they’ve ever shook before, and your chest feels so tight and your cheeks feel so hot that you’re almost incapable of thinking. All you see and know is Astarion. Astarion, lounging against your passenger seat, his own cheeks ruddy and his expression twisted in pleasure. You cry out and collapse forward, burrowing into his chest as tightly as you can. He wraps his arms around you, kisses your temple.

‘Astarion, Astarion, please!’

‘Just like that, my love  —  ’ he gasps against your crown, grunting as his release hits him hard. ‘Like that, my pet, you’re perfect, my dear, my dear heart  —  ’

Your core tightens at his sweet words, and then it’s your churn to choke out a hoarse cry as pleasure races through your spine so sharply that it must hurt. You bite down on his shoulder for comfort, moaning as you try to come to your senses.

It’s somehow both hot and cold inside your little car. Everything is sticky with sweat, and the moisture in the air has started to cause Astarion’s hair to frizz up. You’re boneless. It’s only fair that he takes it upon himself to pull you up from his cock, tucking you back into your baggy sweatpants. You hover awkwardly, his cum on your thighs, while he drags his work pants up his slender thighs. You aren’t sure who is groggier, but when you glance at the clock on the dashboard, mild horror thickens in your stomach. You feel faint.

It might have been nearly three in the morning when Astarion was released from his duties, but it’s now four in the morning, give or take a few minutes. You start to make your way over to the driver’s side again, about to inelegantly climb across the center console when Astarion grabs you by the waist and kisses the side of your head gently.

‘You stay put,’ he mumbles. He sounds positively fucked thorough.

‘I made you stay up late,’ you say guiltily, but he shrugs.

‘Honestly, you did all the hard work,’ he says with a snort. ‘Lay back and close your eyes, darling. I’ll drive. Thank the gods it's the weekend.’

He opens the passenger door, and the cool air of the morning smells so refreshing to the smell of sex that permeates everything else. He stretches for a minute before coming back. He kisses your forehead tenderly, nudging your nose with his.

‘Love you,’ you murmur.

‘Love you,’ he says.

It all happens so quickly. You’re faintly aware of the sound of Astarion snapping his seatbelt in, your car humming to life, an Alfira ballad playing so quietly in the background it might as well not even be on. You’re so warm and toasty that you can’t keep yourself from leaning your head against the window. If you fall asleep before the first redlight, Astarion doesn’t say anything. All you can recall once you get home is a strong pair of arms holding you tightly, and the pillow you stole from his side of the bed, and his back against your chest.

As it should be.

[intomusings]

send   an   emoji   or   series   of   emojis   for   my   muse   to   answer   the   very simple and random associated   question   in   character   !

💌 if   you could   write   a   love   letter   to   one   person   ,   what   would   you   write   and to who ?

🧑‍🍳 what   was   the   last   thing   you   cooked   ?   was   it   good   ?

🧚‍♂️ do   you   believe   in   fairytales   ?

🧟‍♀️ if   you   could   bring   back   one   person   from   the   dead   ,   who   would   it   be   ?

🐾 do   you   have   any   pets   ?   if   so   ,   what   kind   and   what   is   their   name   ?

💐 what   is   your   favorite   kind   of   flower   ?

🪴 are   you   a   green   thumb   or   not   so   much   ?

🍣 do   you   like   sushi   ?

🧁 when   is   your   birthday   ?

🎫 what   was   the   last   concert   you   went   to   ?

📖 do   you   like   to   read   ?   if   so   ,   whats   your   favorite   book   ?

🔮 do   you   believe   in   mystical   energies   (   auras   ,   spirits   ,   etc   )   ?

🏆 have   you   ever   won   a   trophy   for   anything   ?

🗺 what   is   your   favorite   place   you've   visited   ?

🕰 if   you   could   go   back   in   time   and   do   something   differently   ,   would   you   and   if   so   ,   what   ?

💫 what   would   you   wish   on   a   shooting   star   ?

❤️‍🩹 have   you   ever   had   your   heart   broken   ?

🛍 where   do   you   shop   the   most   ?

🎧 what   are   the   5   most   listened to   songs   on   your   spotify   ?

💻 what   is   the   last   thing   you   googled   ?

🎞 what   is   your   top   3   movies   of   all   time   ?

🚩 whats   a   red   flag   for   you   ?

💭 what's   something   you   can't   stop   thinking   about   ?

🖊 do   you   have   any   tattoos   ?   any   piercings   ?

👻 whats   your   private   snapchat   story   name   ?   whats   the   last   thing   you   posted   ?

💋 who's   the   last   person   you   kissed   ?

🤳 whats   the   last   selfie   you   took   ?

[theonotti]

Theodore Nott | Headcanons | After Hogwarts Edition

in my head, Theo didn’t fight for the death eaters in the war and CC does not exist thanks

The first thing Theo does when he gets his own place is get a cat.

The oldest cat the shelter has.

The cat would have a really stupid name like Fork and that’s 99% of the reason that he picked her.

“She’s a bloody fucking bitch. I love her dearly.”

Lowkey depressed

He lives in a one bedroom flat with a balcony so he can smoke and star gaze.

Keeps a tidy living space.

He tries to be a plant person but they always die

And i mean they ALWAYS die.

He has multiple bookcases lining his walls that are FILLED with books.

His occupation after the war is as an Unspeakable.

Only speaks to you about it

Hosts his friends often.

Movie nights. Dinners. Holidays. Regular hangouts. Despite having the smallest living quarters, he’s still the most likely to have them over.

Never the first to send a text

(Well almost never.)

Lives near a lake that he can walk along, similarly to how he’d walk along the Black Lake at Hogwarts.

Out of all of his friends, he sees Mattheo Riddle and Draco Malfoy the most, but he still sees Enzo, Blaise and Pansy often.

Somehow got even less talkative after the war because family trauma.

Only really talkative with his friends and you.

Becomes obsessed with muggle music now that he’s not worried about his parents finding out.

He’d listen to a little bit of everything.

Slow dancing across his kitchen floor.

Cannot go to sleep until he’s checked on Fork and given her at least 3 kisses on the top of her head.

Still the funniest person in any room.

He loves thunderstorms and will open the balcony door to listen to them.

You know he’s had a nightmare when he texts you really late at night (which happens more often than either of you would like).

He learned how to cook from his mum, so every time he cooks, he feels close to her.

Which means he cooks almost every night.

Feeding his friends and you is his love language.

Doesn’t use any magic when he cooks, just like she taught him.

He’s outgrown a lot of his anger that would cause him to get into fights as a student, still has a temper though.

He’s also cut down the amount of cigarettes he smokes a day to under ten, but he isn’t quite ready to quit yet.

He tries to go to the local library every couple of weeks.

fighting for your life as every day is a battle of the wits with him.

you: if i say i love you, you gotta say it back

theo: ok

you: i love you

theo: it back

theo: jk i love you

He keeps journals and saves every one.

Has only two pictures hanging up in his flat: one of his mum (the only one he has of her), and one of himself and you.

Basically walks everywhere.

Absolutely refuses to drive.

He’s gentle with everything.

His belongings.

His cat.

But most of all, you.

Favorite social media is snapchat and he sends you lil pictures throughout his day (when he’s not working obvi).

It’s his only social media actually, he hates the others.

Has a key made for you for his flat so you can come over whenever you please.

“babe” and “my love” are his favorite pet names.

He travels a lot for work and he always tries to see something cool when he’s there to show you.

With his dad in Azkaban, mum gone and no siblings, Theo thought adult life would be a lonely one.

But with his little found family from school, as well as you by his side

He couldn’t explain what loneliness feels like if he tried.

[jabberwocky-warrior]

Random dating headcanons for every NRC Student

Featuring all NRC students [[Platonic Ortho]]

All headcanons are based on you dating the characters. Only pronoun used is "you". Can be read as Prefect/OC/Selfinsert I think

Tags: Fluff, random dating HCs, Platonic Ortho,

TW // Food mentioned in multiple, these are dating headcanons,

A/N I strongly believe in Leona's. I didn't word it perfectly but i love these.

734 words | Not proofread at all |

Leona waits for you to start eating first. Eating first is a big deal in a lot of animal behaviors and in royal etiquette, the monarch eats first but for you, he’ll always make an exception.

Kalim plans for your trip to his home ahead of time. IT’s not even like in an itinerary way but a safety. All guard/servants are informed before your arrival. He makes sure their is a list of who will be cooking food for you. He even asks jamil for insider knowledge on which servants to watch out for.

Malleus really really really wants to see you in traditional Briar valley garments. Like REally Really Really badly wants to see you in them. Especially ones that match with his own.

Lilia wants to take you to a classic Fae revelry. To dance all night with you. Dont worry about the dangers of having your name taken. A simple fix really. Let him take your last name and replace it with his.

Azul took one of his old quills that were worn out and turned it into a necklace for you. He’s also turned his other old quills into other trinkets like bookmarks, pins, etc.

[[Platonic]] Ortho loves playing 20 questions with you about random human things.

Deuce sends his mom selfies of you two on dates all the time. She loves seeing him so happy with you. His mom will send a selfie back with the snapchat dog filter. One time it started a Selfie war.

Sebek loves when you lay your head on his lap and vice-versa. His favorite thing is you laying on his chest while he reads a book. If you ask, he’ll read it out loud to you.

Vil sews your initials into his dorm uniform. He’ll add his initials into your clothes if you’ll let him.

Epel loves walking hand in hand with you through the woods on campus. It reminds him of home and having you here makes it even better.

Cater created a private magicam account just to post candid photos of you two together. Its private so No one can see them but him. He regularly checks it when hes feeling down.

Ace loves when you have cuddle dates. He doesn’t even care if you fall asleep early. He just loves the company. Sleep comes to him quickly with you by his side.

Silver asked his dad to secretly follow yall on your first date and wake him up every time he fell asleep. You date was a picnic surrounded by trees just to make sure Lilia had ample space to hide from your sight.

Riddle he convinced you to have a big study date for a big exam coming up. When you arrived at heartslabyul though, he lead you to the garden where he had a romantic dinner set up.

Rook carves your name into his bow. It’s in obnoxious cursive and he adds poetry in french next to it.

Jack brings you to his family BBQs. He loves watching you play with his siblings and seeing how perfecting you fit in with his family.

Ruggie reverse pickpockets you. He leaves you favorite candy/snacks in your bag. If you text him complaining that your hungry but cant get a snack, he just tells you where to check in your bag.

Jade will try any food concoction you make as long as you’ll try his. If you hate mushrooms he will willingly leave them out of the dish.

Jamil loves when you come to watch his basketball. It’s one of the only times he can go all out. He cant help but smile seeing you in the crowd cheering for him.

Trey will scheme his way into being partnered with you as often as he can. He’s not above calling in a favor but normally promising sweets is enough.

Floyd got you a giant eel plushy. It the size of a pregnancy pillow and is the shape. When he comes over to your room he will hug it until you get into bed with him.

Idia will pull for characters that remind him of you. Whether its just their hair or their personality, it doesn’t matter. You know when someone builds a character that isnt meta and isnt that great and they turn them into a DPS GOD. Yeah he does that with those characters.

I love them all your honor.

I hope you enjoy this post. Feel free to send in asks/requests.

If you notice any mistakes please let me know!!

[incarnadin3]

Obey Me Brothers vs. Snapchat

A/N: Anybody else write stories in their head while showering? Cuz this is exactly that. Also, if it's crappy and goofy, then I'm sorry cuz I just had to do this.

Lucifer:

No.

This man absolutely refuses to use it

According to him, it's childish, and he could just use normal messages

Mammon:

I feel like he'd be the type to search up random names and friend everyone

(Probably so that they give him money)

I feel like since him and Asmo party together, they'd probably also compete for who has more followers/friends

Leviathan:

This man has one friend and it's the Snapchat AI

He's the type to absolutely refuse sending a snap of his face, so expect a black screen

Satan:

Probably has a few friends that he ignores unless they're talking about cats or books

I feel like he'd low-key be obsessed with the AI

Like constantly texting it about what he reads, sees, and all the other "smart people" shit

Low-key I feel like he might even try to see how far he can go with the ai, and if he can break it

Asmodeous:

He'd probably have a public profile with a lot of followers that thirst over him

Routinely posts thirst traps

Competes with Mammon on how many friends/followers each one has

He's the type to get spammed with requests instead of sending them

Beelzebub:

He'd be the food blogger dude

His entire feed would probably just be food

He probably just follows his brothers and other random people to support them

Likes everything he sees

Belphegor:

The type to send the most UNHOLY snaps to the AI

Poor AI

The type to ignore your snaps and texts for hours at times but will yell at you if you don't respond to him within 0.25 nanoseconds

[cayrola]

𝟏-𝐀 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐡𝐜𝐬

𓂃𑁍 ࣪˖ includes: bakugo, deku, shoto, ochako, momo, kirishima, & denki

𓂃𑁍 ࣪˖ note: this is kinda bad sorry. just wanted to post something and i was having mha brainrot ˃ᴗ˂

꒰ఎ ♡ ໒꒱ ⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ ♡ ໒꒱꒰ఎ ♡ ໒꒱ ⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰ఎ ♡ ໒꒱꒰ఎ ♡ ໒꒱ ⊹ ⋆ﾟ꒰

bakugo:

is in mostly ap and honors classes and gets all a’s and b’s

is in a study group with mina, kiri, denki, and sero

teachers have a love-hate relationship with him (who doesn’t)

the type to argue with the teacher if they’re ‘wrong’ or if they make a mistake about something

has snapchat but doesn’t use it bc he finds it stupid and doesn’t get why anyone would use it religiously

his snap score is so low—like 1k type low

follows his favorite celebrities on insta

has tiktok but doesn’t post a single thing; mina forces him to repost all of her vids tho

plays football and basketball but was kicked pff the basketball team for being to aggressive

gymrat

3.998 gpa and it pisses him off bc he wants a 4.0

lives in a gated community

deku:

band kid i fear

debate team too

has a 3.4 gpa and wishes it was higher but is okay with it

gets b’s on all of the tests but a’s on the hw

in only 2 ap classes and it’s ap art and apush

he got a 4 on his ap art portfolio and a 3 on apush

the sleepiest sleeper build anyone could ever have

only uses snapchat to ft his friends bc he doesn’t have an iphone and most of them do

deku with glasses and braces (canon)

def uses twitter religiously; tweets about EVERYTHING he possibly can. his entire life story is basically there

teacher’s pet but in a good way; all his teachers love him and how respectful he is but if they forget the hw, he will keep his mouth shut

would still love all might

shoto:

easy 4.0 gpa

all of his class are ap and honors

all a’s—gets a 95% or above

loves checking out books from the library

doesn’t have social media, thinks it’s stupid

is on debate team with deku, does tennis and does track and field (100m and 200m). probably does any club he can get into so he doesn’t have to go home so early

never has hw bc he does it all at school

so many people have a crush on him, but he doesn’t acknowledge it or he just doesn’t notice

also shoto with glasses (canon)

is into photography

carries around a camera when he goes to big cities for school trips

has all of the latest apple products

also lives in a gated community

has at least one airpod in constantly

ochako:

literally my pookie wookie dookie bear

neat, color-coded notes

3.0 gpa, she studies with deku and shoto when they’re not busy

isn’t in many clubs bc she works after school

i can see her working at coldstone or something

has a samsung

has a pink owala waterbottle—gifted to her by momo

wears the simplest outfits but they’re super cute (thx to momo)

def comforts girls that are crying in the bathroom

her fav teacher is her math teacher but her fav subjects are p.e. and english

likes peach rings, sour gummy worms, and strawberry pocky

gossips with mina, momo, jirou, and hagakure at football games

has the pink bow jansport backpack—her parents surprised her with it as one of her early bday gifts

i feel like she would have a fluffy white cat named snuggles or cupcake

momo:

also gated community

also has a 4.0 gpa

all ap classes

does ap art and got a 5 on her portfolio

i feel like she would be captain of the swim team

hates sodas

i saw a tiktok saying she would be a bop and wear ethikas to school and vape and omg. she would NOT.

she’s so loyal to whoever her s/o is

she would wear stuff from like that light academia aesthetic on pinterest

would never touch a vape in her life. she tries to encourage the people that vape in the bathrooms to not do it

mascara girly for lifeeee

has a whole lash routine

definitely helped ochako with her outfits and make much of what she has

smells so girlalala

only has an apple watch and iphone. she was gifted airpods from her aunt but doesn’t use them often unless she’s going for a run

spoils her friends cuz she feels like it

kiri:

one of the popular kids fssss

is on the football team with bakugo and does track with shoto (same events)

knows everyone and everything about them (not intentionally tho. he just ends up finding out)

likes the c4 energy drinks—blue raspberry sour patch kid flavor is his favorite

sprays axe like it’s body mist

washes his face only with water and hand soap and has such clear skin

3.0 gpa and is proud of it

is in culinary arts bc he wants to eat before lunch starts

no ap classes, just regular ones

everyone likes him, it’s so hard for someone to not like him

watches youtube with denki on the chrome books

actually pays attention to what bakugo says during their study sessions bc he doesn’t wanna fail his tests

gets c’s and above on his assignments

try hard in p.e.

uses snap but not like denki—snap score is like 100k-200k (all from streaks)

avg crumbl cookie enjoyer

bromance with all of his friends

“i love u bro. no homo”

“i wanna kiss u so bad rn, man. no homo tho”

denki:

sigh

2.5 gpa and is perfectly okay with it. anytime bakugo brings it up he says “it could always be worse”

plays fortnite and dti with the baddies instead of studying

chronically online

brainrot humor

wyll warrior

snap score is like 700k

wears pj pants to school

avg call of duty enjoyer

has one of those kiddy backpacks from walmart. he probably got minnie mouse or bubble guppies

finishes his tests first just so he can go on his chromebook

plays papa’s freezeria when he’s done with his tests

loves p.e.

i feel like he had one of those rolling backpacks in elementary school all the way til middle school

goes to summer school every single year

gets low b’s-high f’s on his assignments (usually get c’s and d’s tho)

films the fights in the hallways

skips classes to get food (crumbl mukbangs in the car w kirishima)

he hit a vape once and is addicted now

gets made fun of for it

calls himself a nonchalant dreadhead (the exact opposite)

says “im gonna touch u vro” as a comeback

⊹˚Ꮺ ᕱ⑅ᕱ ⊹˚Ꮺ ᕱ⑅ᕱ ⊹˚Ꮺ ᕱ⑅ᕱ ⊹˚Ꮺ ᕱ⑅ᕱ ⊹˚Ꮺ ᕱ⑅ᕱ ⊹˚Ꮺ

© cayrola on tumblr. 2024. all rights reserved. pls don’t translate, copy, or steal my work in any way.

hope u enjoyed this as much as i enjoyed writing it !! also, should i do pt2 with other characters or no ૮₍ ˃̵͈᷄ . ˂̵͈᷅ ₎ა

[sunsetsandsunshine]

If me and my mutual’s were the Spider-gang…

❤️EMERY AS MILES MORALES🖤 @sunsetsandsunshine

Y’ALL ALREADY KNOOOOWWWW 💘💞💖💕💗💓

Artist of the group

My Dad is a police officer AND detective sooooooo…

He has done the “You gotta say I love you back” thing to me multiple times…

Fucking loves having friends and talking to people

COMIC BOOKS ARE LIFE‼️ COMIC BOOKS ARE LOVE‼️

Keeping the collectibles I N S I D E of the box!!! IT STAYS NICE AND FRESH THAT WAY— LIKE PRODUCE YK???!!!

Tries to be quote on quote “cooler” in front of others…

Newsflash? It never works

💝 Family lover all the way 💝

Music is LIFE 🎶🎤🎵🎼…idfk what we’d do without it…

A collector of many random things— rocks, toys, bracelets you NAME it

Hyperactive as HELL

Has a hard time accepting loss

“NAH” “🫠” “UHM…” “AAAAAAAAHHHHH”

A sketchbook for literally every season

When it comes to friendships, I will try everything in my power to maintain it and try to keep it going but once I’m done? I’m done 🫶🏾

A singer 😩🤚🏾

Physical affection 🫣💕💓

Apologies WAAAAAAY too fucking much

H A P P Y. S T I M S.

Suppressed anger issues

Knows way too many people both online and irl

Becomes a whole different person when angry 🥸👍🏾

Beatboxes and raps horribly

Basically Miles is me and I’m Miles ❤️🖤

🤍JOJO AS GWEN STACY🩵 @shut-up-jo

Cool af legit why the hell are you friends with me man—

Musician of the group 🪗🎷🎻🎺🎹🥁🎸

Shows up to your house without warning like you owe her money

In a band (most def)

Says the most DIABOLICAL and out of pocket shit known to MAN

🔥 Would burn down the kitchen if she ever cooked 🔥

Listens to Billy Joel 😌

POPULAR AF

Short af too 🤪🫶🏼

BAD PICK-UP LINES…

Would be cancelled if any of her texts got leaked

“DIE” “KYS” “CHOKE” “STFU”

Had the WORST 2020 phase (I’m sorry ilysm please don’t kill me 🙏🏼)

AOT lover (as you fucking should )

Honesty is the best policy 💋

Changes her voice depending on who she’s talking to

Has the most fucking unhinged and cursed FYP page

Doesn’t matter what social media app…it’s just straight up CURSED

Gives the best advice like oml

Could host a TED-talk but would there’s a 99.9% she would get cancelled

Needs to take a flipping BREAK 💕

Could make a TV show with her life (with like a million specials and crossovers)

Licks the powder off the Doritos and/or Taki’s and puts them back in the bag 😶…

Has burned Barbie’s before

Unironically sings 'Dance Monkey' just because

Your so so silly I love you so much 🤍🩵

💛SANA AS PAVITIR🩷 @itzsana-kiddingmenow

If sunshine were a person 🌞

Has a really toxic fanbase…

✨Anxiety✨

The best cook out of all 4 of us probably

“🥺” “GRRRRRRR” “🙈” “NAUUUR”

Calls people adorable, cute etc but can’t handle when people say that to her 🥹💓

Your adorable btw ☺️

When she’s mad she doesn’t cuss that much but most def just says big words

#TOXICFRIENDSGANG

Takes selfies like every single second 📱

Has Snapchat probably

Has listened to JoJo Siwa’s Karma WAAAAY too many times…

Would fold like a lawn chair if poked in the side 💕

FANGIRL

✨ Bilingual queen ✨

Sobbed for DAYS when MatPat dropped his departure video…

Is way too fucking smart 😉

Has the Ultimate Alpha Sigma Gyatt Rizz but doesn’t know it quite yet 👁️🫦👁️

A tea lover ☕️🍵

Would go to antique stores with people to just look at things and then end up buying the whole ass store

Does cartwheels for funsies

Overthinker ☹️

Could solo Bakugou and win

Is going to be a menace one she learns how to drive

Needs more sleep frfr

My lil sugar cream puff over here you guys 💛🩷

💙ZEEZIE AS HOBIE BROWN❤️ @ziipzeepzop-eez

101% effort in E V E R Y T H I N G

Side-eyes 🤨

Has more rizz than the whole Earth population combined

“FW” “THAT’S RACIST” “TWWINNNN” “YUUURR”

EMOJIS EMOJIS EMOJIS EMOJIS EMOJIS EMOJIS

Did I say emojis?

Comes up with the most cutest freaking nicknames for people 🥹💕🩷☹️💓✨

TAKE A BREAK 😡😡😡

Can most definitely win a dance battle against anyone but acts like she can’t

Dad jokes 🫶🏽

Uses finger guns unironically (through text and in person) 👉🏽👉🏽

Could make a diss-track about so many people 🫢…

Would have a million cats if she could

Probably had a Gacha Life phase

Would go to a movie theater just to watch cat videos on the big screen

Popular af 💕

Friends with legit everyone 🙏🏽

Would actually murder a man if they hurt one of her friends

Has watched Coraline and The Nightmare Before Christmas soooooo many damn times

Guillmero Del Toro’s Pinocchio made her ugly cry (Same here 🫠)

Could solo everyone here on Tumblr easily 👁️👄👁️

Hates Twitter/X but only has it for the ✨drama✨

FAIRY LIIIGHTS

Is most def someone’s opp ☺️

Can multi-task like crazy

So cool and dazzling and aahhhfhfhds 💙❤️

(If any of this makes any of you guys uncomfy just DM me and I can erase it 🫶🏾)

[meooowiinya]

So, hello everyone!

My name is Kira, I am 13 years old, I live in Russia, and I want to find friends of the same age (teenagers) from other countries, preferably English-speaking, because I understand only English, and that not perfectly.

When you recognise my age, don't look away!

I, although small, am versed in so many interesting fandoms, and even have a passion for history!

I read, draw, study, watch cartoon series from netflix, and in the future I plan to move abroad.

I can tell a lot of interesting things about Russia, its culture and mentality, tell interesting stories, recommend interesting books of Russian classics that we go through at school, but they don't get enough attention.

I'll tag the fandoms I'm a member of in the hashtags and hopefully I can find a friend!

Edit: I use telegram and WhatsApp to communicate, but I also have snapchat and instagram, however I would be more comfortable communicating on telegram or WhatsApp specifically.

[freakymcnastys]

“possibly in michigan” a creepp book - headcannons

general headcannons:

slenderman is british.

despite what people might think the mansion is way bigger on the inside

it has its own theater, bar, hell even a convenience store, no one actually knows how the store gets stocked

ben is too scared to go down there bc of that

the slender brothers come over every thanksgiving and christmas but offender is limited to the living room and dining room…

sally FORCES jeff to dress up for tea parties

jeff cuts his own hair but is surprisingly good at it

thinking about how smile dog is basically jeffs therapy dog :(((

jack has def tried to eat jeffs kidneys but give up cuz jeff woke up 💔💔

toby is an AVID game theory/matpat stan like he loves watching everything matpat is in so when he announced his retirement….lets say it was ROUGH.

slender puts all of sally’s drawings on the fridge and when they isn’t enough room he would rather buy another fridge then get rid of them

masky is like the stressed out older sibling 🤷‍♀️

ben has drank paint.

has a snapchat gc where they send each other snaps

whenever slender and jeff (or anyone for that matter) talk/argue slender has to bend at a 90 degree angle 😭😭

devon’s headcannons:

definitely butt dials people and scares the shit outta them 💀

going along with that devon totally prank calls people with ben and is like “is ur refrigerator running” 😭

her and jack watch reality tv shows (love and hiphop, dr phil, kardashins, etc)

devon’s fav movie is donnie darko…😁

she always sends jack funny tiktoks while he sends her reels

her chainsaws name is jellybean !

sometimes when she goes out with the proxys she brings fake slender pages (saying stuff like “bitchless” and the entire bee movie script) and hangs them up (but slender always finds them and yells at her)

her fav slenderbrother is probably trenderman

PERSONALLY i think that like the demon and jack are two different ppl so like whenever ‘the beast’ gets out it’s not rlly jack? yk?

so one time ‘the beast’ was fed up with jack actually letting himself feel feelings for devon that he brought devon to the tree where she got hung, to kill her 😁 but dw he failed but jack felt bad after ☹️👎

has told hoodie to ‘turn that frown upside down’….

goes up to masky and gets up real close and whispers… “i know what you are..” and just walks away..

maxine’s headcannons:

isn't quite used to newer slang so she still talks how people in the 1920s did and nobody really understands her that well...

she hates her cellphone and WILL NOT use it unless it's direly needed.

she definitely has a record collection but it's all jazzy and "old-timey" music and she does not let anyone else near her records or her record player

she would teach ben how to ballroom dance and then force him to have dancing sessions with her because her favorite thing to do when she was human was to dance at parties

slenderman FOR SURE banned smoking in the house but maxine is allowed to break that rule so she waltzes around the house with her huge cigarette holder bullying jeff cause he definitely wants to smoke.

she generally dislikes getting help with wounds and stuff because of all the malpractice that was preformed on her when she was human

the phantom of the opera (1925) is her absolute favorite movie and one day slender comes back from the store with the 2004 version and she literally falls in love with him right at that moment

she's like your grandma that 1. doesn't know how to work her phone (or tv or anything) and 2. says things that she thinks mean one thing and they actually don't... like for example....maxine: im sending lols jack: maxine someone died...why are you laughing out loud... maxine: oh i thought that meant lots of love :( jack: oh my fucking god bro

the effects of her lobotomy pop up from time to time when she's doing stuff so sometimes she loses the ability to focus and kind of "dumbs down" because people who are lobotomized often lose their higher levels of intellectuals and then she loses the ability to emotionally respond so slender has to help her out and keep an eye on her cause she might do something dumb. :(( then once she comes back she feels so bad that slender had to basically babysit her and he feels worse cause how could anyone do his love like that

IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS BUT- maxine and slenderman compliment eachother so well. he's a gentleman and she's a ladylike woman and they just...fit perfectly together

her favorite modern (ish) movie is the shining cause it reminds her of the good old days and she would be like "ah yes i remember when people would kill at parties" and everyone else is like "what"

her 1920s brain loves coloring books cause she's probably never been stimulated via colors so she has a bunch of coloring books and people come over and are like "slender i didn't know you found a child" and he's all like "oh no that's just maxine"

i think sometimes she forgets she doesn't live alone and she will walk out of her room in her underwear and is like "oh great heavens my bad gs"

- love always, kat + devina <3

[libraryofbaxobab]

August 20, 2024:

This is so fucking funny.

I read this because of Dan Olson's description of it in his marvelous video "The Future Is A Dead Mall" and I was curious about how the original Metaverse was actually conceptualized.

This strikes me as a very intelligent author said "How can I write the dumbest book possible?" This should not imply that the book is bad! Just like, the Cool Guy mode was turned up to 11 and everything was so awful and gritty and dystopian that it became silly. I laughed out loud. I read introductory paragraphs to my friends. I live-reacted on Snapchat because this story is HILARIOUS and it is played one hundred percent straight. Every character takes themselves soooooo seriously riding around on their little high-tech skateboards through openly racist anarcho-capitalist neighborhoods, spouting barely-comprehensible yet extremely-plausible futuristic skater slang. Masterpiece of hilarity, no notes.

What I will offer a note on, is the weird second half gets wayyy into religious mysticism? Really took me out of it. I didn't care about whatever central mystery the characters were researching. I wanted more big dumb car chases, more "hacker" shit (in this world, "hacker" just refers to... anyone who can code), more pointless Mafia side-quests, more strikingly accurate depictions of today's technology dreamed up all the way back in 1992. In short, I wanted to see more of this world.

Weirdly enough, we didn't even spend a lot of time in The Metaverse™️ for this book being the thing that named the concept. It made it even funnier for me that this story's outside world more closely resembled our real life failed "Metaverses" in that everything was compartmentalized, financialized to the extreme, and governed only by corporations; meanwhile the Original Metaverse was a fantasy of a walkable city with public transportation and no cars. Incredibly insightful social commentary.

I had an absolute blast reading this, and even my friends howled when I read them selected passages in my best Cool Guy voice.

8.5/10 #WhatsKenyaReading