#is this about what i sent to the confessions blog like a month ago??

[moonmoonthecrabking]

Would you happen to have any good fic recs (can be wip or completed, or some of your own) :D

hi anon!! it really depends on what you're into, though i've been posting more about hatchetfield i'll give you recs for that!! i'm going to sort this by ships, because it works in my mind so!! hope this helps!! not all the fics i like, but here are really truly just some!! especially since i couldn't find some i really liked unfortunately but, such is life. i generally like monstery themes and supernatural elements, so that's going to be a common theme in these recs, but not all of them.

jagertitty (grace x max) shameless self promotion - siren/werewolf au, incomplete, longfic @owlhari - ghost!grace and max meeting for the first time, she saves him from dying in the waylon prank, oneshot prince_doomed - another version of grace's dream of ghost!max?? the description on ao3 does it better, but either way it's very beautifully written, oneshot

lautity (grace x steph) shameless self promotion - tgwdlm au, i had fun, and it was nice to make grace instantly okay with being queer for fucking once, oneshot @vesperione (sorry for the late tag, i came across this scrolling through queer hf and realised i never fixed the post!!) - the fic is called good luck babe, what it says on the tin, gracie is repressed, oneshot @theiloveyousong - first meeting when steph and grace were little kids and adorable and you should read it, oneshot

lautski (steph x pete) @the-spaced-out-ace - pete is a mermaid, and Fun (emotional torture) is to be had, in progress but seemingly coming to a conclusion :) @max-will-one-day-be-okay - vampire steph vampire steph VAMPIRE STEPH- (in progress)

lautskity (grace x steph x pete) @max-will-one-day-be-okay - grace has a sexual fantasy about steph and pete, oneshot, :) @jklovesfandoms - generally great works for this ship, i say start with comfort her (in progress) and go from there :)

paulkins (paul x emma) slytherlynn - this fic is abandoned in the middle of very plotty stuff (so be warned it is incomplete and i doubt it will ever be complete), but it has infected!paul and i remember reading it on the train into high school YEARS ago, and i really like all the character dynamics @hotchocolateboy - very alice woodward centric, slice of life sort of stuff (my girl is going THROUGH it) but i just!! really like it!! in progress @affo-gatto-gateau - mermaid!paul fic, in progress, it's fun i'm enjoying it!! there is lore being set up and i am HERE for it

the npmd jocks (kyle x max, as well as brenda x stacy) @nibblelinephym - stacy and brenda are oblivious lesbians who are in love with each other, oneshot @tnoy-keraxis - a night (so yeah oneshot) where many people are in love and we get a peek into their lives, framed by max and kyle being useless and oblivious and tragic (they aren't useless, it's internalised homophobia)

duke x ted @amethystunarmed - duke is helping ted get custody for pete. duke is going through it. oneshot (part of a series)

i can safely recommend all of these fics, and other fics by these authors (even if they aren't listed here). happy reading!!! and ofc feel free to add recs in the reblogs!!!

[angelsheartts]

Hi!! I was wondering if I could request the “hope nobody will catch us!” prompt for Angel dust x gn! reader too? Thank you love!!❤️❤️

✩‧₊˚ I HOPE NOBODY CATCH US !! .

(but i kinda hope they catch us, anyways)

#pairing: angel dust, husk, velvette, lute x gn reader

#cw: suggestive content, +18 mdni, cuss words Imao, getting caught in suggestive situations ig?? adam being adam on lutes part, drunk sex?, kind of only fans on velvettes part ngl.

#notes: just got back from vacation, and i do feel kind of inspirational to write on my blog lmao, so here it is! second part of "i hope nobody catch us". did anyone noticed it’s the lyrics from les - childish gambino?

PART l

˖ ˚ ༘✶ ANGEL DUST .

well, it’s kind of ironic how angel dust would actually care if someone would see you both fucking, but it’s just because he actually wants to have something intimate with you, not just some porn video where you both need to act.

today, valentino had given your partner finally a day off, so you both decided it would be the best to spend it together.

as you both were cuddling in his bed, you somehow started teasing him by confessing how you watched one of his adult videos, and how much it had turned you, so it wasn’t a big surprise how you ended having him on top of you.

"that’s kinky for you to say, but keep going" angel dust said, smirking at you while already having your underwear aside "well, at first i saw how you went down on them, and-" suddenly fat nuggets was on the bed looking at you both.

yeah, so after seeing your kid staring at you both, it really made the atmosphere so not hot.

˖ ˚ ༘✶ HUSK .

i mean, husk, and you do have a pretty regular intimate life cause this man is sooo touch starved, but there’s something different about being drunk and intimate to him.

you knew you both had maybe a few more drinks than usually, but that wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?

wrong, as soon as you started to feel the alcohol doing its thing, you soon started to feel horny too.

but, who could judge you? seeing your bartender boyfriend also with the same flushed face as you was so hot, you somehow ended on top of the counter, while having your boyfriend kiss your neck.

"Oh, for fucks sake, and everyone says im the perverted one?"

yeah, hearing angel dust words made you both stop, but it didn’t make you stopped once you reached your bedroom.

˖ ˚ ༘✶ VELVETTE .

your girlfriend being a famous influencer in hell wasn’t something new to you, but as soon as you both started dating, you didn’t expect her to literally get sent sex toys for you both to try out and recommend or give your review about it.

your girlfriend was doing a live on her sinstagram, when you unexpectedly entered the room in the lingerie she just bought you just a few days ago.

of course, she had to end her livestream by saying a lame excuse to pamper your needs, and what the best way to do that with testing the vibrator who got sent to her for a review.

"velvette, ah- it‘s too much, i‘m going to cum" while sitting on her lap and putting your arms around her neck, you both suddenly heard velvettes phone vibrating like crazy, turns out she never ended her livestream and all hell just saw how needy you were for her.

after really ending the live, let’s just say that the vibrator you used got most-sold-sex-toy of the month.

˖ ˚ ༘✶ LUTE .

your girlfriend is somehow always occupied with something that isn’t you, so you might of have your ways to have her attention.

even though your girlfriend is an exterminator, you both sometimes ended up working together.

so, if dragging her near a closet to have her all for yourself was bad, then what you wanted to do in there with her would be worse.

"(name), it’s not appropriate, and adam is gonna be here anytime soon" lute said, staring at your face with her mask "yeah, yeah you say that every time, but you know how it always ends"

and yes, it was true, your girlfriend knew your true intentions when you dragged her into the closet, but still, she had a kinky side where she liked doing things you weren’t supposed to.

not to mention how hot you looked when you tried to be the dominant one.

"fuck, you're already so wet, huh? is it because you like getting me in trouble or because you want me to punish you?" she said, rubbing her fingers near your clit faster each time, "ah, lute-! keep going" "you’re a fucking mess, answer my questi-"

"DANGERTITS? bullshit, why the fuck didn’t i come sooner? legit thought you didn’t have sex, but you know what? this can get pretty awesome if i joi-“

adam did in fact not join you both, but he did make lute clear that "you both needed the original dick to even come" - adams words.

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (Epilogue)

ー☆ Epilogue

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: suggestive language, cursing, smut ー☆ Word count: 8.7k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: mature ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: I chose no song for this chapter, so everyone is free to listen to whatever or not listen to anything at all, however, while doing the moodboard I was listening to Power and I actually started sobbing, so uh, you can give it a listen if you wish to! I won't yap here, so see you at the end of the chapter! <3 I hope you enjoy, and as always, let me know what y'all thought of the last chapter of my beloved series. divider

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @scarfac3 @juicy-red

@sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng

@deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @mjlbn01 @xhexy @tmtxtf

@hwashiningstar @thatfavouritesong @ateez-atiny380 @xciiiomwliah @vixensss

@catchingskzzzs @tesssaurrr @ginger-mingi @mingisbbg

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

3 months later

            Spring was finally approaching, the weather having turned less harsh and warmer in the span of a few weeks, slowly painting nature in its vibrant and gorgeous colors that I would never get enough of. And we were lucky the air was warmer now outside, because in the confines of the limited space of my little studio of my Arts Club at university—which is more of a storage room to be fair—the smell of fresh dye and incense mingled together almost in a nauseating way, leaving me no option but to crack open the small window of the studio. Well, since it was so high up, I had to ask Mingi to open it as I didn’t want to get on a chair as I would have had to walk to the front of the room, and I was too lazy to do that. Music played quietly in the corner from Mingi’s portable speaker as he hummed along the melody of the song, typing away on his phone as his shoulders were slouched over, head lowered.

My eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as I bit my tongue, making sure the dye spread out evenly at the back of Mingi’s head, not wanting to leave spots of his previously platinum blonde hair. Around a week ago, he and Seonghwa hung out under the pretense of watching movies and having a boys' night in which they would drink beer and maybe compose some music, however, the next day when Mingi came over to have lunch with my mother and me, his hair was short. The long strands that curled prettily against his nape and ears were gone, replaced by short spikey hair that stuck up against his head, giving him a punkish look. My mother had squealed when she saw him, touched his hair, and then cradled his cheeks, gushing about how handsome he was, making me glare at the two as they forgot about my existence. Instead, I went and set the table and left them to their usual gossiping, shaking my head when my mother told him all about the new hot doctor at work she had her eyes on.

At times, those two would get lost in their own world and forget about my existence, amusing me, but also prompting me to give them a side-eye. Don’t get me wrong, I was beyond the moon that my boyfriend and mother got along really well, but at times it almost felt like I didn’t even exist—and before you would be like Mingi and say that I am dramatic, the fact that my mother seemed to love Yunho just as much as Mingi, definitely sent me into an existential crisis after the first time she confessed she loved the two as if they were her own sons. And about Yunho, well, yes, we’ve worked out our differences—which involved a lot of explaining, invoking buried memories, and a lot of apologies from Yunho’s side—so now we were all a big happy family—family as in not to be misunderstood, we all loved each other and had a nice bond. To be honest, I felt no mal-intent towards Yunho when after a month of dating Mingi we finally decided to sit down and discuss everything with his best friend, and I even found myself now confiding in him and asking him for advice in areas Seulgi—and Wooyoung—couldn’t help, because, after all, Yunho knew Mingi best. And Yunho’s girlfriend was an absolute angel and sweetheart, I took a liking to her quite quickly and found her love for literature rather adorable as she’d often quote her favorite characters from her favorite books.

Mingi snickered as I playfully pushed his head forward as I was done dyeing his platinum hair to a regular, darker, blonde with pink hues in it. I tried to look over his shoulder to see what he found so amusing but he cradled his phone to his chest and made me roll my eyes as I walked to the sink to wash the small bowl and the brush I used to dye his hair. Mingi changed the music to something more upbeat and a lot noisier than the music he, Wooyoung, and Seonghwa made, and I came to realize the speaker was playing Limp Bizkit. I couldn’t say that I enjoyed their music too much, I preferred something more indie, but I still appreciated some of their songs. I turned on the faucet and started washing the brush first as Mingi approached me and leaned against the counter, lips pursed as he tried to hide his cheeky smile. I threw him a questioning look as I rinsed the bowl out, applying a little soap in it to wash out the dye completely as Mingi finally spoke up, “Check this out, ‘Your face is a work of art, my legs should frame it.’”

My eyebrows furrowed as I gave Mingi a confused look, quickly making him pout, “Oh, come on! It’s ‘art rizz’!”

I snorted as I placed the bowl and brush aside to dry, peeling the gloves off my hands carefully to not stain my clothes or skin, “You’ve had better ones Mings, besides, shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

“I mean,” Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed as he pocketed his phone in his light pink jeans, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He wore a white loose sleeveless tank top today, his biceps bulged from the action and I tried not to let my eyes linger on the well-defined muscles, “I definitely like the idea you’re suggesting—”

“As if we haven’t done that already.” I interrupted with a pointed look and Mingi just rolled his eyes.

“That’s beside the point,” And then he was smirking, leaning into my space as I rinsed the soap off my hands, “wait, are you suggesting something right now?”

“I just dyed your hair, Mingi, no, I’m not suggesting anything.” I sighed, unimpressed, as I shut the faucet off and grabbed a small towel to dry my hands off in it. You see, Mingi is rather…vocal with his needs and quick in executing them, so, I cannot say we haven’t been… active, if you know what I mean.

“Pity.” Mingi pouted for a second before he moved on to the next subject, his brain sometimes moving too fast for me to be able to keep up with him, “You remember that well-dressed woman from our last gig at Outlaw?”

“I sure do, she looked rather out of place with her pencil skirt and blouse.” I hummed as I leaned my hip against the sink, facing Mingi. He grinned and then fished his phone out of his pocket again and unlocked it, clicking on something I couldn’t see. Then, he cleared his throat and raised it to a higher pitch that was definitely mocking the woman’s voice.

“Mr. Song, I am delighted to let you know that Horizon Records would love to work with Noir Zenith, and we’d like to set an appointment as soon as it fits you and your bandmates' schedule. – Hong J.” Mingi bit his bottom lip as my eyes widened, prompting me to hold onto his wrist in excitement.

“Wait,” I said, eyebrows lightly furrowing, “isn’t this that super famous and huge record everyone dreams of getting signed to?!”

And when Mingi’s smile grew into a hug grin, I felt joy and excitement fill my senses as I grabbed both of Mingi’s hands, jumping up and down as he giggled and followed along, the two of us jumping in small circles like little kids. I couldn’t believe my ears, this was even bigger than the last record they agreed to sign with for half a year—the one Hongjoong helped out with—and once their contract was over, they could sign a new one with Horizon Records.

“That’s fucking amazing, Mingi!” I exclaimed loudly as we finally stopped jumping around, my heart beating fast as Mingi nodded in excitement, his teeth visible as he couldn’t stop smiling.

“I know, Wooyoung started running laps while screaming and Seonghwa cried clinging to me for half an hour when I told them.” I chuckled at the image in my head, but quickly realized the message wasn’t fresh. Before I could go off on him for hiding something so important from me, Mingi beat me to it, a knowing glint in his eyes, “Mrs. Hong sent the text yesterday afternoon and I only didn’t tell you about it because I knew we’d meet today and I wanted to see your reaction, so, don’t be mad, please.”

And how could I be mad at him when his plump lips were jutting out and his eyebrows raised in a manner that made him look adorable and heartbreaking at the same time? I huffed and squeezed his hands before I released them, trying to play off the fact that he already knew me so well, “I wasn’t about to get mad, I’m very happy for you and the rest of the boys, my love.”

Mingi giggled and looked away, the high of his cheekbones slightly flushed, and I grinned because I could never get over the fact that calling him ‘love’ or ‘my love’ turned him into a giggling and blushing mess. It was adorable, cute, and somehow still sexy, and before I would let any stray thoughts enter my head and distract me from the plans we had, I cleared my throat, “We should eat that pizza we ordered, it’s probably already gone cold.”

Mingi hummed but didn’t speak up as I went to walk towards the white sheet we had laid on the floorboards to sit on, pizza, black nail polish, Mingi’s pink beanie, and my sketchbook scattered all over it. However, before I could take another step, my feet suddenly weren’t touching the ground anymore as I was lifted by the waist, a squeal leaving my lips as I clutched onto Mingi’s bare arms, “Mingi! Put me down!”

“No.” He giggled against my neck and I felt his warm lips press a small kiss against my nape as my hair was in a bun, then he was running towards the sheet as we both laughed, the song playing through the speaker drowned out by our loudness. He finally placed me back down on my feet when we reached the white sheet and I sat down in a crisscross position, opening the box of pizza as Mingi took his seat across me. I grinned as I grabbed a slice, my stomach growling in hunger once again, and then I took a bite of the cheesy pepperoni pizza, making Mingi chuckle as he looked less hungry and less eager to devour our lunch for today. I extended my hand for his phone and he gave it to me without a word, I typed in his password before I looked through his playlist, taking bites of my pizza in the meantime. I found a slower beat that I liked and switched the currently playing song to that and then handed his phone back after I locked it, smiling as Mingi was flipping through my newest sketchbook which had mostly drawings of him.

I didn’t expect him to flip to that particular page and I almost choked as the pizza went down a little array, making Mingi smirk as he pulled the drawing closer to himself, dark eyes inspecting his sleeping form in the drawing. Well, the drawing looked completely innocent unless you knew what happened before it, and I couldn’t help but blush harder when Mingi bit his lower lip, pizza in his hand forgotten as he traced the blanket that hung low on his naked hips, torso on display and face serene as he had been in a deep slumber. When he looked up, he didn’t look much too smug, but there was a glint in his eyes that I had become accustomed to too well. He was in awe, but he was turned on, and I couldn’t help but stuff my face more with pizza, satiating my hunger as a means of distraction from the fact that I drew Mingi post-sex not even four days ago.

“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a talented songwriter and composer but a good hell of a painter.” His voice was deeper as he mumbled, taking a bite of his pizza as he glanced back down at the drawing, “I want to draw you too, to capture you in all forms and commemorate you for an eternity.”

Well, what a way to make me blush harder. I grabbed another slice as I had finished the first one as a means to stall for a second, ponder over my answer, “You’re good with your words though, unlike me. I always struggle to express myself concisely, yet to you it’s easy. You create beautiful lyrics and you never fail to capture my true nature in your songs, so I think I’ll always live on in your music, Mingi, you have already commemorated me for an eternity.”

That made Mingi blink in surprise as he hadn’t even realized that before, and I smiled as he gave me a lasting look before he flipped the page, the drawing of him playing with a kitten I had found outside my porch. Now, she was our kitten and she, obviously, loved Mingi more than me—just like my mother, I didn’t try to complain about this too, “You inspire me like none other.”

“You inspire me too, Mings.” Mingi’s smile was shy as he continued flipping through the sketchbook, less filled than my other ones as I decided to dedicate this one only to him. He’d seen the older sketches plenty of times before, yet he never failed to become shy when looking through them.

I finished my slice of pizza, dusted my hands off and made sure my cheeks weren’t greasy as I leaned towards the black nail polish, shaking it in front of Mingi with a grin, “Ready to get your nails painted?”

He nodded excitedly and handed me his left hand as he still held his slice of pizza in the right one. His thick fingers were smooth and decorated with rings, much like mine, and I flipped my left hand around to place his palm in mine. After having arrived at my humble studio once we were finished with our classes for the day, Mingi got to work and painted my nails. He had bought some new nail polish a week ago and convinced me to surprise me with them, so, the nails on my left hand were now almost neon green and the nails on my right hand almost Barbie pink. Sometime along, painting each other’s nails became a habit, something we both enjoyed doing and now we could confidently call it our thing.

I concentrated hard to not smudge the skin around his nails, eyebrows furrowed and teeth clamping down on my bottom lip as Mingi’s eyes were either on me or his nails, bobbing his head along to the rhythm of the song playing. He usually chewed loudly and I was thankful he kept his mouth closed this time, knowing that it would only irritate me if he started chewing on his slice of pizza aggressively—it wouldn’t be the first time he does it just to annoy me. As I finished doing his middle finger, his phone rang and Mingi reached over to his left side as he bit on the crust of his pizza, picking his phone off the floor as the music cut off. He accepted the phone call and put it on speaker as I chuckled and watched him take out the crust from his mouth so that he could talk.

“Hey! Song Mingi!” It was unmistakably Wooyoung’s voice as he screamed into the phone, making me concerned that Mingi would lose his hearing if he had just normally picked up the phone without putting it on speaker, “What’s up, bro?!”

Mingi snickered, shaking his head as I finished painting the nails on his left hand, “I told you yesterday that I would hang out with Y/N after classes.”

“Ah, right,” Wooyoung hummed as I leaned down to press a kiss against Mingi’s hand, making him grin as he finished his slice, eagerly handing over his right hand to paint his nails, “And where are you two lovebirds?”

“In her studio,” Mingi answered as I got to work, careful as always as I painted his pinkie’s nail.

“Now that you mention, Seulgi said something about not being able to work on her assignment in the studio because of you two.”

I scoffed and before Mingi could answer, I spoke up as I leaned towards the phone, “I told Seulgi to do her assignment not two days before the deadline, and I also told her a week ago that I’d be hounding the studio with Mingi today.”

“Heard that babe?!” Wooyoung’s voice was distant just for a second, then he snickered, “She says you’re lucky she loves you, otherwise she would’ve kicked you out of your studio.”

“My own studio.” I huffed and applied another coat over Mingi’s forefinger’s nail to even out the texture, “What a bitch.”

“A bitch that is forced to listen to her best friend’s constant bitching, who’s the bitch now, Y/N?” Everyone snickered and I rolled my eyes as there was the unmistakable sound of a kiss pressed against a cheek through the phone, Mingi and I shared a look of mild disgust as I went to paint his thumb’s nail.

“Don’t start making out while you’re on the phone with me, Wooyoung.” Mingi’s voice carried disgust but there was a hint of amusement, “Anyways, what’s the purpose of your call? You never call unless you need something or I ask you to remind me of something.”

“It’s neither this time,” Seulgi chuckled through the phone, and then there was shuffling and I knew she walked away. I finished Mingi’s nails and closed the bottle of nail polish, sitting up on my knees to kiss Mingi’s cheek as he bit his lower lip, grinning at me as he wriggled his fingers happily.

“Do not be late to Aurora’s opening tonight and wear something extra fancy, Hongjoong will have our heads if we don’t honor his fiancé for God’s sake.” Wooyoung sounded mildly annoyed but it was no secret that he loved Hongjoong probably almost as much as he loved all of his friends, however, he’d never admit that to anyone. Aurora became the name of Seonghwa’s studio and small gallery, and tonight was the grand opening. Everyone was excited about it, with Seonghwa being a nerve wreck as he feared people wouldn’t show up. After having talked to both him and Hongjoong, they agreed to display a few of my paintings in the front lobby and I was giddy and curious about everyone’s reaction to them. Nobody knew what I had handed over to Seonghwa, and he had beamed when his eyes took in the paintings, he getting emotional instead of me and making me chuckle as I hugged him tightly and thanked him for the opportunity.

“You should worry about yourself, Woo,” Mingi teased with a chuckle, “Y/N and I will look impeccable, as always.”

“That is for sure,” I muttered as I sat back on my ankles, watching Mingi with a grin as we had decided to match our outfits for the night.

“Talk to you later, we’ve got some business to attend to with Y/N now.” And then Wooyoung said his goodbye and they hung up as Mingi pointed towards the pizza with a pout, “I’m still hungry, will you feed me?”

And even if I said no and rolled my eyes, five minutes later Mingi had a teasing glint in his eyes as I fed him his third slice of pizza, smart enough to remain silent or else I wouldn’t have continued feeding him or helping him drink water while his nails dried.

            Barely an hour later, when Mingi’s hunger and thirst were satiated and his nails were dry, we replaced the white sheet with a huge flat canvas that we would paint over. We had agreed on painting a scenery, something similar to the creek we so much liked to visit when the weather allowed it, but sometime along my attempts at making it look like the actual creek, Mingi’s not so painter skills came into the mix and created a—whatever that did not look like the creek. He refused to admit that what was supposed to be the water now looked like the sky, making the whole painting look like it was upside down from our standpoint, and he also kept on vehemently denying that he tried to paint a dick over the trunk of the tree I spent at least fifteen minutes on to make it look as realistic as possible. All in all, I concluded that without Mingi here I would’ve been able to finish the painting in a maximum of three hours, however, now there was no future for finding a vision in whatever we have created.

But I didn’t mind, because this was Mingi’s and my work, something we created together while laughing and talking about whatever came to our minds, the atmosphere light and joyful. I had also washed out the dye from his hair and we towel-dried it, making it look spikier than usual. I couldn’t lie, this new hair made Mingi look incredibly hot, and it took me some willpower to not jump him as he looked at me with those sharp eyes and a knowing smirk, the asshole.

“But you’ll dye it back to black soon, right?” I asked while painting clouds over the once creek turned sky now. Mingi was behind me, crouched down, and his clothes still somehow miraculously not stained. I wore my old overall knowing that I’d stain myself the second I opened a can of paint, and I wasn’t wrong at all as the edges of my pants were already stained green and white.

“I mean, do you hate this color?” Mingi asked from behind me as he dipped his brush into black, terrifying me of whatever he had in mind to do with the color once I saw him.

“What the hell do you need black for?!” I exclaimed as I grabbed his wrist, making his eyebrows shoot up in amusement.

“Aren’t artists supposed to just go with the flow?” His lips jutted out as he playfully leaned closer, my eyebrows furrowing as I was ready to oppose his idea, “You’re making me question your working etiquette, doll, I don’t find you creative enough—”

“As if!” I exclaimed only mildly offended as I knew Mingi was only teasing me, “Going with the flow and trusting your instincts is one thing, love, but having no vision or idea in mind is plain terrifying.”

“I was going to sign the top of it, but never mind—”

“Fine,” I groaned, gripping his wrist to stop Mingi from twisting away. His voice was whiney and he was pouting, not even looking at me as if he was offended. I knew he wasn’t; he was just acting up to get what he wanted. And unfortunately, it was working embarrassingly well on me, “Sign it.”

“Great!” He beamed as he leaned forward, mindful of staining his pink jeans with paint and I sighed as I shook my head, making curved lines before I colored them to make them look more like clouds. I had no idea what would become of the painting, but I certainly was eager to find out.

“Back to your hair,” I spoke up as Mingi carefully drew his ‘fix on’ signature onto the canvas, “I don’t hate the blonde but I miss your natural color, it suits you more, makes you look cuter and softer.”

“Aw,” Mingi turned back to give me puppy eyes—which he learned from Yunho, no doubt, “you like your boyfriend to be all soft and cute? I thought you like it when I get all wild and destroy—”

“Do not finish that sentence, Song Mingi.” I threatened as I sat back, brush pointed threateningly towards Mingi.

“Or what?” His crooked teeth showed as he grinned, quirking an eyebrow to annoy me further. I huffed and tried to think of a good comeback, but came up empty-handed for once so I gave him a pointed glare.

“I’ll stain you with paint.”

“Bet.”

“Bet.”

And I know Mingi didn’t expect me to actually follow through with my childish threat, but as I jerked my wrist in his direction, the remaining paint from my brush flew off and, well, stained his white sleeveless tank top. Mingi’s mouth fell open as he gaped down at himself, and I laughed, giving him a smug look.

“What, did you think I was fucking around?”

“Oh, I’ll make you wish you never did that!”

And before I could prepare myself for whatever attack he had planned, he pressed his hand against his brush and coated it in black paint then sprung towards me, making me gasp as his thick fingers drew a cold line against my cheekbone. Mingi grinned as I stared at him in surprise, but I reacted soon quickly as I pressed my fingers into the fresh paint on the canvas and returned the favor, the only difference being that I drew a circle on his forehead with white paint. Mingi blinked once, then twice, and a mischievous grin spread onto his lips which told me that I was in trouble.

I quickly scrambled to my feet, but Mingi was fast as he dug his whole hand in green paint and slapped my ass painfully hard, making me cry out as it stung even through the fabric, making me give him a deadly glare, “Song Mingi! That fucking hurt!”

“You’re a pussy.” He stuck his tongue out and I tsked, leaning down to push my whole hand inside the red paint. Mingi’s eyes widened as I gave him a victorious smirk, eyes narrowing as he jumped up to his feet, holding his arms up in defeat.

“Okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to start a war—” But his futile attempts at saving his ass fell on deaf ears as I cackled and took off towards him, making him yelp as he tried to duck and run away, making us run around the canvas. We were both barefoot and as Mingi tried to jump over the canvas, he miscalculated where his long legs would land and landed on his freshly painted signature, making him yelp again as it was no doubt cold against his feet. I laughed as I easily caught up with him and felt up his chest, biting my lower lip as Mingi’s eyes widened.

“Oh, no, your white shirt is all stained now.” I fake pouted as Mingi froze, incredulous eyes looking between me and his shirt. I chuckled and clapped my hands together, deciding that my job was done here, but then Mingi was stepping back and leaving foot marks all over the canvas on purpose. I scoffed but didn’t care much, the poor painting had been long ruined. I crossed my arms in front of my chest in defiance as he dipped both of his hands in pink paint and then gave me a grin as he beckoned me over with a finger. I huffed in disbelief as if I’d hand myself over willingly to him. And he knew that because I dipped both of my hands in light blue paint and faced him again. Our stare-off was intense and calculating as we both tried to guess the other’s next step, and thinking I’d have the upper hand, I stepped in the middle of the canvas just as Mingi moved too and I raised my hands to dirty his tank top even more when he cupped my cheeks and made me squeal.

The paint felt cold against my skin and I knew it would dry it out once it started drying itself, but I was far too amused to worry about something so insignificant right now. Wanting revenge, I grasped his hair and massaged my hands well into the freshly dyed darker blonde strands, making his hair look like cotton candy due to the pink hue mixing with the light blue of the paint.

“My hair! Y/N!” Mingi whined loudly slapping my hands away, but I wasn’t finished as I dirtied his jaw, neck, and tank top too. Mingi was pouting hard and glaring at me at the same time, already sharp eyes turning sharper and full of revenge as he flushed his body against mine and cupped my ass over the fabric, gripping tightly and kneading the flesh.

“Mingi!” I exclaimed, content with being so close to him, but also annoyed that he kept going for my ass, “Leave my ass alone, you idiot!”

“You ruined my hair!”

“I told you to dye it black and not a different shade of blonde.”

“I thought you were a firm believer in people doing whatever they want.”

“I am, but you’re my boyfriend and I find you hotter with black hair.”

“Well, you’re my girlfriend and I find you hotter with my dick down your throat.”

We both paused as my eyes widened and Mingi caught himself a second later, cheeks flushing as he looked sheepish, finally releasing my ass as his hands settled around my hips instead, “Oopsie, that went too far but it’s the truth—”

He cried out as I whacked him over the head, giving him a fierce look, “Yeah? I also find you hotter gagged around my fingers—”

“We only did that once!”

“Are you afraid it makes you less masculine?”

“I agreed to let you peg me, bro.”

“I know, bro, and you fucking enjoyed it.”

“So, what’s the issue here?”

“That you keep slapping and kneading my ass, leave it alone.”

“Okay, princess, my bad.”

“You’re the princess, Mingi, not me. You’re always whining.”

“And you’re always beating me up, Y/N.”

“Am not!”

“Yeah, you are!”

I scowled at Mingi and pushed him back by the chest, by no means aggressively or harshly, but his dramatic ass pretended to stumble and then he fell back, splaying out across the canvas. I huffed and pinched the bridge off my nose as he made fake crying noises, blinking up at me slowly, “See? I’m huwt.”

I closed my eyes to compose myself and control the need to kick him in the balls for being cringy, “Don’t talk like that, oh, my God.”

“Do you hate it?” He grinned evilly as I walked off the canvas, and to look at me, he turned onto his stomach as he cupped his chin and raised his legs to swing them in the air. He looked like a mess with the paint all over his hair, face, and body, some having gotten onto his pants too now that he was laying on the canvas. I chuckled and shook my head as I eyed my boyfriend, knowing that I looked probably just as messy as him.

“I do, actually, you’re only cute when you’re not trying to be cute.” I deadpanned and Mingi huffed dramatically, letting his arms fall as he pressed his forehead against them. Eyes falling on his round ass, I knew it was my time for payback, and I moved swiftly before he could realize what I was aiming for—it wouldn’t be the first time—so I quickly kneeled next to him and leaned down, baring my teeth as I opened my mouth wide. At first, Mingi jumped when my teeth made contact with his jeans and then when I bit down hard, he yelped, soon turning into loud cries as I continued to bite his left ass cheek harder and harder. He started flailing around and I pulled back with a cackle after I made sure my teeth had sunken in deep enough. But, I had no time to react as he quickly turned around and leaped onto me, landing on top of me as I fell back onto the canvas, no doubt smudging even more whatever paint hadn’t dried yet.

Mingi got on top of me, sitting on my hips as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, pinning me to the floor. I smirked as I raised my eyebrows tauntingly at him, watching his eyes slowly rake over my body to take me in.

“That hurt.”

“Fair enough, it hurt too when you slapped my ass.”

“Well, you have no right to whine so much about it anymore.”

“I do if you keep slapping it, and I also have the right to bite your ass as revenge.”

Mingi’s eyes narrowed and I giggled as he slowly leaned down, placing his hands on both sides of my head to prop himself up, effectively caging me between himself and the floor. I continued looking at him challengingly as he bit his bottom lip, eyes never settling as they searched my face for even a fraction that showed that I would back down. But I wouldn’t, and he knew that by now as he suddenly smirked too, leaning so close our lips brushed against each other.

“I think I won, doll.”

“I didn’t know we were in a contest, love.”

And then he sealed his lips against mine, shutting up the both of us in the most effective way as our lips moved slowly, savoring each other’s taste and lips. Mingi shifted above me and I eagerly opened my legs to let him settle between them as I hugged his torso, hands raking up and down his back slowly as his hips pressed firmly against mine. I smirked against Mingi’s lips when his breath hitched in the back of his throat due to my fingers tangling into his short strands now a little crusty from the red paint in it, it was no secret that Mingi liked it when I pulled on his hair. He cupped my chin with one hand as he pressed his weight on his left arm, the only cue I needed to open up my mouth to grant him access. We both sighed in contentment as his tongue slowly glided against mine, my legs coming up around his hips to lock Mingi’s body against mine.

Mingi moaned when I tangled my fingers just a little harder into his hair, letting him lap at my tongue as he explored my mouth, my body growing hotter as the seconds passed by, hands slipping under his loose tank top to feel up his warm skin. The skin of his back was smooth and I pressed my nails into it as I slowly racked it up his back, feeling Mingi shiver against my body as he jerked his hips forward, making me hum against his mouth as he pulled my bottom lip between his teeth and clamped down on it, sucking hard. I groaned and dug my nails into his shoulders, pulling my head back to be able to lean up and press kisses against his lean neck, his cologne mixing with the paint that was smeared all over us. My lips were hot as I parted them to press wet kisses against his flesh, sucking in the areas I knew Mingi was sensitive to, making him groan and jerk his hips forward again. With a hand slipping down to his hips, I gripped him firmly and prompted him to grind against me, Mingi’s head buried in my hair as I continued to press kisses until I reached his collarbones, gripping the hem of his tank top. He wasted no second as he pulled back just slightly, slipping the fabric off his torso, leaving it bare for me as I grinned at him, feeling his chest and abs up as he worked at the clips of my overall.

I kissed the skin between his pectorals and then pressed up on my elbows as Mingi made quick work of slipping the overall down to my waist and ultimately out of them as goosebumps covered the bare skin of my legs. We threw the overalls off to the side and Mingi was then moving back, down between my legs as he hovered above my thighs, eyes boring into mine as he pressed a feather-like kiss against my left thigh. I gulped and fisted my palms as heat pooled in my lower stomach, his lips always featherlight as he advanced higher up on my thighs with nips and kisses, sometimes licking at the skin teasingly. I knew my cheeks were flushed as I felt hotter by the minute and I shuddered when his lips pressed against my core through the fabric of my panties, making the breath hitch in the back of my throat. Mingi smirked and did it once again before he licked a slow strip upward, closing his eyes to hum, and I let my fingers tangle in his hair as he tapped my inner thigh, moving away from where I wanted him most.

He sat back to undo the buttons and zipper of his jeans, and I watched in anticipation as he slipped the fabric off his thick thighs and ass slowly, in a teasing manner, bottom lip between his teeth as he was half hard already, eyes hooded once he was done with his half-assed striptease. I chuckled and he was all over me again, hips flushed against mine again as I wrapped my legs around his hips, eager to feel his heavy body press me down into the floor. Mingi’s fingers gingerly traveled from my waist up to the hem of my blouse and then he brought it over my head and arms, landing in the pile of clothes to the side. And then his lips were over mine again, licking into my mouth and biting my lip messily as he slowly ground his hips against mine, making me hold onto him as it was easy to feel him in just our underwear. One of my hands went to tease at the elastic of his boxers and, despite him talking shit about it, I knew he liked it when I kneaded his ass, the skin sensitive for him there.

Mingi moaned and ground just a little harder against me, making me burn for him more as he cupped one of my boobs through the bra, pinching the bud as our tongues moved messily without much purpose or goal, too focused on how our bodies felt with the ministrations done to it. As he pressed himself up on his elbow, the hand that grabbed my boob traveled lower on my body until it was inside my panties and rubbing circles against my clit, making me moan out his name loudly, his length grinding up against my thigh as he bit my collarbone, making me screw my eyes shut as I was throbbing for him. But he was a little shit and he only teased, rubbing but never quite letting his fingers slip inside as he chuckled against my ear, making me grit my teeth at him as I gripped his wrist to keep him pressing against my clit as my hips kicked off the floor.

“You’re wet, doll.”

“And you’re not doing enough, love.”

Mingi chuckled again and I moaned as he teasingly slipped just the tip of his finger inside, his rings cold against my burning skin, my nails digging into the flesh of his ass. Mingi groaned and pulled back, making me groan in frustration as I glared at him, but he quickly silenced me with his lips as I felt him pull down my panties, I shimmied my hips to help him get over with it faster. He grinned and nipped at my bottom lip as I pushed his boxers off too, grabbing his dick to teasingly rub at his slit, making him hiss against my lips as our eyes fluttered open.

“What? Only you can tease?” Mingi’s eyes were dark and narrowed as he bucked against my hand, my pace awfully slow in jerking him off, “I could tell you to get off me and I would go on with my merry day—”

“Sure,” Mingi grinned, lips ghosting against my ear as his voice had dropped lower than usual, grabbing my wrist to stop my movements, “but you love my dick too much to pass up on it.”

I scoffed but said nothing, perhaps a little too desperate to have it inside me finally. I hated it when he teased me too much, and because Mingi knew this, he never passed up on the opportunity to get on my nerves even when we were having sex. He enjoyed it perhaps a little bit too much. But the teasing was finally over as he had gotten enough of it, eager to push in as he lined himself up with my entrance, pressing a kiss against my lips.

“I don’t have a condom.” He whispered, eyes searching mine.

“Just pull out, I’m fine.” I circled his shoulders, embracing myself as my core throbbed, eager to have his size expand my walls. Mingi hummed and then pressed another kiss against my lips as he slowly pushed inside, having to take it slow as he didn’t stretch me out with his fingers first, the burn insistent despite our active sex life. I still haven’t gotten used to it, but I didn’t mind as it only made me wetter for him, more eager to take him. Mingi’s bottom lip was between his teeth as he kept his breath labored, concentrating on not hurting me and taking it slow until I said so. I let my fingers run through his hair as I sighed, trying to relax my muscles and just melt into his arms, pressing a kiss against his cheek when he paused abruptly, shuddering.

“You’re so tight,” His voice was barely above a whisper and strained, “I’m about to burst.”

“So soon?” I asked with a chuckle, teasing as it earned me a sharp glare, “And whose fault it is I’m so tight? Your fingers are there for a reason.”

“Shut up.” Mingi groaned and then pressed in fully, a gasp leaving my throat at the sudden move, eyebrows scrunching up as he pressed in deep, making me feel fuller than before. My walls clamped down against his dick and Mingi pressed his forehead against mine as I embraced him, letting my fingers tangle in the short hair against his nape. I nodded, eyes boring into each other, and then Mingi was moving, slowly at first, pulling out only halfway before he was pressing back in, sighs leaving my lips as the pleasure was slowly building up, my hips moving in an attempt to meet his thrusts.

He secured his knees better against the canvas and pressed up on his elbows, hovering over me as his cross necklace dangled in my face, and the image was way too good and hot, knocking a moan out of me as he started thrusting faster, hips slamming back against mine as our pace got faster and more urgent, our breathy moans falling against each other’s lips as I nipped on Mingi’s bottom lip. I hooked a finger against the silver chain as his nose scrunched up, hips slamming back against mine with more purpose, more power, and eagerness as he looked down between our bodies, a grunt leaving his lips as he enjoyed the view. I hooked my legs tighter around his hips and prompted him to move faster, most of my moans were swallowed as we had to remember that we were at university still, in my own studio, so we couldn’t be too vocal. The walls here weren’t soundproof like in Mingi’s studio, yet staying quiet proved to become harder and harder as Mingi started pistoning his hips, grunts turned into low moans as he slammed his lips against mine, our breaths getting swallowed as our teeth knocked together, saliva gathering in the corner of our mouths as I pressed my hands against the small of his back, my own arching off the floor for an even better angle, keening his name when he finally reached the spot that had me seeing stars.

But Mingi was a diligent man who took his time in everything he did, even sex, and if he could prolong our orgasms, then he certainly would, so I had no doubt we’d be at it for a while, subsequently making us late to Aurora’s opening. And we couldn’t have that happening, but our brains were too fogged up and busy with something else to notice Wooyoung’s insistent texts on Mingi’s phone or my mother’s call to remind me I had to be home in fifteen minutes to start getting ready. Oh, well.

            Turns out, we got there just in time and nobody screamed our ears off—I’m looking at you Wooyoung—and Seonghwa was certainly overwhelmed when he saw the number of people that showed up for the opening. It was a mix of all age groups and people who knew Seonghwa and Hongjoong from different places, like Hongjoong’s employees or Seonghwa’s colleagues from his major, and there were even more fans of Zenith Noir that showed up, surprising all three of the guys. Seulgi and I stood to the side with grins on our faces as their fans swarmed them and gushed about the beautiful designs Seonghwa had displayed, some put behind glass to protect the expensive material Hongjoong’s team had worked on, and some even put out to be tried on and bought if someone desired to do so.

Seonghwa’s speech had been an emotional one in which he thanked everyone for their support and Hongjoong for believing in him and offering him opportunities he thought were real only in a far-fetched dream, and then I got teary-eyed when Seonghwa’s family surprised him with cake and hugs and praises, making me extremely happy for being able to chase his dreams. The matching rings Hongjoong and he had on their ring finger were eye-catching to those who didn’t know about their engagement, and it was Hongjoong who proudly announced it to the whole room while Seonghwa flushed and tried not to hide behind Hongjoong despite being taller than his fiancé. It was a sight to behold and I wasn’t surprised to feel Mingi cuddle up into my side and sniff loudly as he watched his friends with a proud smile on his lips, Wooyoung amusingly quiet for once.

When everyone was done appreciating Seonghwa’s efforts and creations, he announced with a cheeky smile that the next time anyone visited, the front lobby would be decorated by other artists’ works, but because I had a special request, tonight my works were displayed in the room adjacent to this. I felt my heart in my throat as Seonghwa led us towards the dark room, then our eyes met and I nodded with a small smile, biting my bottom lip as the light switch was flipped on, coating the room in light. I turned to look at Mingi in anticipation as his eyes widened, and he broke free of the crowd, hurrying inside to take in the entirety of the room, from being incredulous to teary-eyed and then looking like the happiest man on Earth, I couldn’t help it but let my heart swell in happiness and pride as I watched him chuckle and look at me with eyes filled with pure and honest love.

The soft sage green walls were decorated with two portraits of Mingi I had sketched out right at the beginning when I had met him, when I wasn’t so familiar with all of his features yet. Then it progressed to the moments I had captivated as our relationship slowly progressed into that of friendship, us sitting in his car, Mingi driving, Mingi laughing at making me flustered, Mingi’s sharp eyes watching me in a faceless crowd, Mingi up on stage shining like the star he is, Mingi gazing at me with yearning in his eyes, Mingi hugging me warmly into his chest, Mingi chewing on his bottom lip in concentration as he sat in his chair in his studio, working on his music, Mingi looking upset because I rudely disregarded everything that’s happened between us, Mingi angry because I was too stubborn to admit my feelings for him, too afraid to move on from Yunho, and at last, Mingi smiling so widely his eyes disappeared, nose scrunched up and his front teeth showing a little more than usual, pure happiness painting his face.

There was a low murmur amongst the crowd as everyone took in the sketches, drawings, and paintings, but I was only focused on Mingi and his reaction to seeing the stages of our relationship displayed through my eyes, my feelings, and my thoughts. And then, more towards the end of the exposition, there was an old sketch of Yunho I had done while still mulling over the failure of our relationship, and right next to it was a painting of both Yunho and Mingi as they sat next to each other, laughing about whatever was funny at that moment. I had captured the moment when Mingi, me, Yunho, and his girlfriend had gone out for dinner, and then I decided I wanted to paint it twice and gift it to Mingi and Yunho for Christmas. I suppose Mingi would get his sooner than Yunho, I’m sure neither would mind.

Seonghwa announced that I was the artist behind the creations and the room erupted in cheers and claps as people complimented me on my talent, but my eyes were on Mingi only as his blazer was glittery underneath the white light, matching my floor-length glittery black dress. He opened his arms and I didn’t waste any more seconds to approach him and let him crush me in his arms, his embrace warm and reassuring as he pressed his face into my hair, exhaling loudly as I embraced him back just as tightly, closing my eyes as my heart was racing. These past three months I spent next to him had been the best time of my life ever, he made me happier and feel safer than anyone else ever. He helped me get better at controlling my explosive emotions and he helped me slowly break down the walls I so defensively built up after Yunho’s departure. He made me unafraid to love and to receive love, he made me want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I wanted a forever with him.

“I love you, Mingi.” And it was the first time I voiced those thoughts, voice clear but quiet so that only he’d hear it. I felt Mingi freeze, a gasp leaving his mouth as he pulled back, holding me at arm's length as I smiled at him softly, “I love you.”

Mingi gulped as his eyes suddenly turned teary, and he cupped my cheeks as he lowered his head to press his forehead against mine, inhaling deeply as he nodded his head. He’d said those three words to me before, unafraid and unashamed to let me know how he truly felt towards me, and I finally found the courage to say it back. I finally was ready to let him know just how much I felt for him, that I loved him just as much as he loved me.

“I love you, Y/N, so much.” His voice trembled and he kept his eyes closed out of fear of having the tears escape them, and I hummed, resting my hands on his shoulders as I gently rubbed the skin of his neck in an attempt to soothe him.

“I love you just as much, Mingi.”

And he smiled, pressing his warm lips against mine with the unspoken promise that this would last forever, that this was what we both had been searching for. Safety, contentment, honesty, friendship, and freedom, a love that was honest and unafraid. It seemed like our future was rather promising, next to him, I could take on anything. We won’t forget to look at the moon tonight.

I love you, Song Mingi.

A/N: So, hello once again, I am so-so grateful if you made it 'til the end. I cannot believe I'm actually finished with this story and it's a really bittersweet feeling actually, because I am as happy as sad, no joke I kinda cried a little bit. I absolutely love the character and personality I have created for Mingi in this story and I love MC and his dynamic so much, that I find it so freaking hard to let go of them omg, what's happening to me?!

I just really really want to thank everyone who stuck around from start to finish, or from the middle of the story, or showed up as we neared the end of it, I am so so grateful to you all for being patient with me and showering me with love and making me look forward to posting. I was always so excited about a new chapter because I wanted it to be the best, and when I felt like it wasn't, you reassured me that it was and it made me really happy.

I started this story nine months ago, back on the 15th of December, which is funnily enough my sister's birthday so now I will never forget the date I posted it lol, and I find it so freaking crazy that this whole story came from a random brainstorming with my best friend in my car (@orshii), right as we finished our classes at university, brains fried off and ready to end everything, and yet, here I am, trying not to cry again ffs because of how much I grew to love every character in the story.

A little insight: the story at first started out as a random plot that was somewhat similar to 10 Things I Hate About You (which is one of my favorite movies) as Mingi was inspired by Patrick's character and our MC by Kat's, but as time went on, the story and our characters became their own and thus this is how Love Me Like A Rockstar was created. Back at that time I was also obsessed with this song, which played a part in the story becoming a rockstar!au beside Mingi acting like a whole ass rockstar during Crazy Form era lol, and even the title is inspired by the censored version of the song.

I think I made this note already too long, so I'll try to wrap it up. I really want to thank absolutely everyone who reads the whole story, to my loyal readers who were here for every chapter and for all of your thoughts and theories and for making me smile, really. Those who stumbled upon this when it's already finished, I hope you enjoyed each chapter and had fun exploring the world I created (this applies to those too who stuck around while it was still on-going) and I always appreciate your feedback, it's never too late! Thank you everyone, and I hope to see you back for my other stories! <3

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[mylovelies-docx]

Sorry, I Love You - Part 12

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for this.

Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?

C/W: Angst (!!!), murder, blood, guns, violence, death.

(I PROMISE EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY! You've just gotta trust me.)

Word Count: 2,724

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

He can’t take the silence any longer. You should have been home hours ago.

All his texts go unanswered and his calls go straight to voicemail. You’ve had late nights at the HYDRA base, but never this late – never an early morning kind of late.

He knows you’re capable. Knows that you’re one of the strongest people, the best agent, the best everything, but something doesn’t feel right. He can’t feel you. He knows that’s stupid – that he isn’t psychic or empathic or whatever he’d need to be to feel someone’s presence when they’re not in the room with him, but he’s always felt you. 

He can feel you down in his bones, his body unable to forget your voice, your laugh, your smell, your body beside, on, under his own. There’s no one in this universe that he knows better, that knows him better, than anyone else. 

Used to know. Until he fucked it up. Until he fucked everything up and drove you away. Drove you so far away that you weren’t even on the same continent for months, that you never picked up the phone and called him, that you didn’t send any silly texts at 2 am like you used to. He was too embarrassed and ashamed of his reaction to contact you first. He thought it’d be too impersonal to apologize over the phone and admit how scared he was when you confessed to loving him and how sorry he is for what he did afterwards.

That’s why he sent Steve and Sam to bring you home: so that he could see you again and explain himself to you and hopefully confess that, yes of course he loves you too. He was so nervous as he watched the quinjet approach, worried that you wouldn’t like his outfit, or the stubble on his jaw, or his new haircut that he got for you because he remembered how often you’d run your fingers through it and comment on how hot you thought shorter hair would look on him.

But then he cornered you in that hallway. Felt his heart break as you told him that you got over him, that you didn’t love him anymore and never did in any meaningful way. You assured him that you could be friends again if that’s what he wanted.

Of course that’s what he wanted. Of course he wanted to be friends. But he also wanted everything else – what you had before that night at the movies and what you could have had after. He wanted the date nights, and forehead kisses, and hand holding. He wanted the quick fucks, and makeout sessions, and love-making. He wanted all of it with you.

He still does. 

But you don’t.

He will forever regret the words he said to you that drove you away and dissolved the love that you felt for him. He will never forgive himself for taking away your future together. And after that disastrous conversation with you about Petre, he feels like he’s gone right back to square one. He doesn’t know what to do with his emotions and can’t express himself properly to save his life.

He knows what you said, knows the meaning behind the individual words you spoke to him last night: that you and Petre are not together in any way. But Bucky knows that isn’t what Petre wants – knows that Petre wants you in a way that Bucky used to have you, that Bucky could have had you, and more. Because Bucky sees the way that Petre looks at you, the way his eyes follow you around the room as you say hello and chat with his family when they’re around.

Knows that Petre has already asked his mother if she knew of anything else about you before he moved forward with a proposal, if there was somewhere specific he should do it, what else to bring besides his grandmother’s ring. Petre had been across the room with Tessa during this conversation, but Bucky’s serum-enhanced hearing picked it up and he knew that Petre was head-over-heels for you because how could he not be?

He’ll also never forgive himself if something happened to you at HYDRA. Your argument from last night has been lingering between the two of you, and he doesn’t know what to do to fix it – it’s just the actual process and action of initiating that conversation and exposing his squishy insides to you that causes his brain to shut down and his mouth to spew out stupid shit. He knows that you would never turn him away for being vulnerable, but just the way he’s acted when feelings have come up… it leaves a sour taste in his mouth and he’s sure it’s left one in yours as well. 

But you were supposed to call him at lunchtime and he would have said everything he’s been bottling up right then and there. Would have blurted it out because god damn him and his stupid mouth because every time he’s tried to bring it up, he’s fucked up and he hurt you. He doesn’t want to – can’t do that to you again. If you had just called when you said you would, it would have all been cleared up by now and you’d be home and hopefully in his arms and, and, and.

But you didn’t call. You’re not home. Bucky hasn’t apologized.

He’s already called Steve and requested backup – he’d rather be safe than sorry. Now all he’s waiting on is –

His phone that he’d left faceup on the countertop before him beeps and the screen flashes with a notification. Tony finally sent the link to track your location, letting him know where you’re at. Before his heart can even beat again, another message scrolls across the top of his screen.

That’s all Bucky needs before he races out the door, not even bothering to grab a coat before the door slams behind him. Tony’s second message burns behind Bucky’s eyes and makes it hard to think.

Hurry. Something’s not right…

***

The ATV Bucky ‘borrowed’ off one of the neighbors is perfectly capable of getting someone where they’re going, but Bucky grew frustrated with the speed as soon as he raced away with it. He’d have been happier on his souped-up motorcycle, roaring down the roads and sending gravel flying, but it’d be impractical on the freshly fallen snow and hilly terrain. 

His heart stutters in his chest every time he looks down at your tracker’s location and doesn't see it moving. There’s no way you’d be sitting idly in one spot deep in the forest, nearly 20 miles away from the HYDRA base and the house you’ve been sharing with Bucky. The home the two of you have made since arriving.

He thinks of how the two of you should be at the house now - fast asleep, maybe in the same bed if he’d found the right words to tell you what’s been going on in his head, why he was being such a asshole yesterday and how he never should have said any of the shit he did – or at least phrased it better, correctly. 

Every time Bucky remembers your fight last night, he feels the air leave his lungs and a fist form in his throat. The way your face had crumpled when he said you could be together again but then immediately shifted into a flat stare, no emotion evident when you told him that he was the reason that could never happen. Your broken voice when he tried to approach you again when he followed you home. The wrenching, muffled sobs he could hear you trying to smother across the hall as he laid there wide awake, his own tears soaking the pillow.

If Bucky could turn back time, he never would have asked you to be friends-with-benefits. His emotions were all over the place and he was still relishing his freedom, his autonomy that had been returned to him. He didn’t think he wanted any kind of committed relationship back then because he thought it would suffocate him, make him feel like he wasn’t his own person anymore, that there was someone that he had to answer to again.

He should have known that you wouldn’t have made him feel that way – that you are the exception to every rule and that you always helped build him up, never once did anything that made him feel suffocated or out of control. He’d been the one to initiate your friendship, he’d been the one that sought you out for no-strings-attached sex. You’d only ever been there for him, followed him when he needed to get away from the others, listened when he needed to talk to someone. Loved him when he didn’t want to be loved.

And what did he do with that love? He threw it away, crushed it under the sole of his boot in that alley way, let you walk away from his life when you should have worked it out together.

When he’d finally gotten his head out of his ass and realized that all the late nights, deep conversations, the comfort and warmth he felt in your presence: that was love. He didn’t recognize it at the time, but he knew that you were important to him, that you were the only one he could spend so much time with and not become overwhelmed. It took you leaving for him to realize everything that you did for him, all the support you offered. 

He spent a lot of time with his therapist after that. He used to be so angry at you and he knew it was unfair, that it wasn’t logical to be so mad at someone for falling in love, but he was. His therapist listened to his deepest, darkest, most wretched feelings about you, about himself. They helped him to realize that he wasn’t mad at you, that he was only frightened of the love you had for him and the feelings that brought up in him. He didn’t realize he found himself so unlovable and broken that he didn’t think anyone could love him like that. Could love him like you do. 

Did. Love him like you did until he ruined that love like he always knew he would, deep down. It took a lot of time and effort, but he finally understands what he feels for you. 

But now it might be too late.

Bucky is only a mile out from your location when he hears the barking of dogs and men yelling to each other. He pushes the ATV faster, dodging between trees and ducking under branches. Seconds later, Bucky sees lights bouncing off of a decrepit shack and agents wearing HYDRA uniforms scrambling around. 

He takes one hand off the handle and pulls his pistol from the waistband of his pants. He clears the treeline and jumps from the vehicle, ducking and rolling onto the ground. The ATV flies forward and knocks down one of the agents. They all turn to investigate the commotion, and Bucky starts firing.

He shoots one, two, three people off of their feet and they collapse onto the ground in pools of blood. Realizing at this point that Bucky is a threat, the others around the cabin pull their weapons out and aim for Bucky. He clears the next six with one shot each, leaving only two standing and no bullets left in his magazine. Bucky launches the empty pistol straight into one of the assailant’s temples, sending him sprawling. At the same second the pistol leaves his hand, Bucky sprints at the remaining HYDRA agent and slams his metal fist into their face, blood and bone splattering.

Grabbing the gun from this last agent, Bucky grips it in his fist and enters the building. Pivoting side to side, there’s no one immediately in his line of sight. He can see blood spatters around the room, in front of the bookshelf and desk, and a pool of it right in front of him in the archway between rooms. Bucky can hear someone just on the other side of the wall and he adjusts his hands around the gun, finger hovering over the trigger. 

Quickly rounding the open archway, Bucky finds his worst nightmare.

He sees you lying motionless on the ground, your warm, red blood steaming as it puddles around your body. A HYDRA operative stands over you, gun poised and ready. 

Without another thought, Bucky unloads the weapon. He riddles the final agent with bullet holes, ensuring that their finger will never pull the trigger on you. He doesn’t watch as they fall, instead running towards you with only one thought in his head: Please. Please be alive.

Bucky reaches your body where you lie on your side, facing away from him. He quickly rolls you onto your back and watches as your head lolls from the motion. 

“Y/N,” he calls hoarsely, placing his hands on your cheeks and patting quickly. “Y/N. Doll, wake up.” 

Your eyes remain closed and you don’t move. Heart in his throat, Bucky places his fingers on your neck.

Nothing.

“Oh god,” Bucky whines.

Nausea roils in his stomach as Bucky places his hands one over the other on your chest, fingers interlocked. He begins compressions, forcing your heart to circulate what little blood remains in your veins. He feels your ribcage creak and groan under the pressure, knowing he will break bones but hoping the effort will revive you.

Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. 

Bucky removes his hands from your chest and uses them to tilt your head backwards, opening up your airway. He clamps your nose shut and presses his lips over yours, forcing two breaths into your lungs. He returns immediately to chest compressions, counting up to thirty again and repeating the process.

“Come on, doll. Come back to me.”

It feels like hours that Bucky crouches over your body, working hard to manually pump your heart and keep your brain oxygenated. He doesn’t know how long you’ve been without a pulse, but he’ll do anything to give you a chance at survival.

A loud whirring sound comes from outside and Bucky can hear boots hit the ground. He panics for a second, wondering how he’s going to keep you safe while also keeping you alive, until he hears Steve’s voice.

“Buck? Y/N?!”

“In here!” Bucky yells frantically.

Multiple people come barreling into the kitchen where Bucky is administering CPR. Shock and dread wash over everyone’s faces at the sight in front of them, but Bucky doesn’t have time for them to stand around. You don’t have time.

“Help her!” he cries, lungs and muscles burning. “Please!”

Natasha tries to rush forward, but her booted leg slows her down. Steve and Sam collapse on either side of your body, Sam pushing Bucky out of the way to start his own compressions. Bucky thunks to the ground, his body exhausted from the fear and effort of the last little while.

Wanda runs in, using her powers to suspend the regeneration cradle in the air and bring it over to you. Tony and Nat help Steve and Sam lift you up off the ground and into the machine as Bucky watches your cooling blood drip, drip, drip from your body.

Wanda’s face is wet with tears as she picks the cradle back up with you inside. Using a pulse from his palm, Tony blows a hole in the kitchen wall. Scraps of paper fly off the table and land near Bucky. Wanda takes you directly outside and into the waiting quinjet, Nat and Tony running alongside her. 

A blast of cold air from the open wall slams into Bucky and chills him to his core. He looks down at himself and finds his hands and legs covered in blood. Your blood. One of the pieces of paper catches his eye as it turns red where it lays on the floor. He scoops it up gently and tries to make out what is written.

Bucky can tell instantly that it is your handwriting, but it’s nearly illegible now. He can barely make anything out, and what he can rips his heart to shreds. A wet hiccup tears out of Bucky’s throat and his hands start to quake uncontrollably as he stares at your words.

In case these are my last words,

Don’t be sad. I wish that I could  have spent the rest of my life with you. I just want you all to know that I love you. so , so much. 

“I’m too late,” he whispers. “She’s… she’s…”

Steve and Sam grab either of Bucky’s arms and drag him to his feet. 

“We’ve gotta go, pal,” Steve says. “We’ve gotta get her to Helen!” Nodding his head, Bucky allows his friends to lead him outside and onto the jet. 

He watches you lying in the cradle, not moving, the entire way home.

Part 13

Tag list: @jackiehollanderr @rabbitrabbit12321 @12345sebby @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @lauraashley93 @themorningsunshine @happinessinthebeing @nash-dara @calwitch @stany0url0calwh0res111 @pono-pura-vida @learisa @introverbatim @kentokaze @marvelogic @kaz11283 @terry2227

[literaryvein]

A WRITING PROJECT: The Book of Strangers (pt. 1) is now available

A month ago, a phantom weight decided to make a home in my heart. For some reason, even writing couldn’t heal me this time around, so I asked strangers to tell me their story and I promised them a poetry/prose piece in return.

The concept of this writing collection involves a tea room. It involves strangers; another universe. Perhaps in this life, we won’t ever meet. But in another universe, we meet at the tea room where we aren’t strangers. You tell me your story as I make you a cup of tea. In this universe, I handweave poems and prose pieces using threads of your stories. In this universe, these written pieces are cups of tea I offer to you as my thanks for sharing your stories with me. I hope they help lift the phantom weight in your heart, even for just a moment.

A sincere thanks to everyone who contributed to this project. I have sent the link to you as well as those who have previously requested for it. If anyone else wants to read it, Send Me A Message. I will send you the link if: (i) you are following this blog; (ii) let me know what you think after reading it; and (iii) do NOT know me personally.

Also, if you sent your story anonymously, message me where I can send you the link.

I am currently working on Part 2, for those who submitted after the initial deadline. Submissions are open again for anyone else who would like to tell me their story in exchange for a poem/prose piece. Deadline for the second part is 17 May 2024. Tell me your story, dear strangers.

Tell me about the happiest version of yourself, your heartbreaks, the person you can’t stop thinking about, the most beautiful sunset you’ve ever seen, the day you realised you were right where you wanted to be, that moment in your life that you keep going back to in your head. Tell me about how it plays on a loop. About how you keep interpreting, reinterpreting, and misinterpreting all the things he said. About how you keep remembering and misremembering how she looked like in her favourite spring dress. Tell me what’s on your mind; what’s in your heart. The things you cannot tell anyone else. Tell me the things you desperately want to forget, but can’t.

- L. V., also a stranger confessing to strangers

[Photo: jeune fille à la tasse (girl with cup) by Léon François Comerre]

[wcamino-confessions]

hi, seraphronos/v01d4l_n0x here (yes the real one /silly) probably this doesn't look the most professional considering I literally just retired but I've been frustrated about certain things that happened whilst I was on the team and I've never really had the change to vent it all out. and yes I know this isn't really relevant anymore but I just needed to rant a little little disclaimer: my time on the lt apart from this situation was great!! loved it on there and I loved working with everyone else frfr !! so this is not intended to slander them at all this is mostly about the helper anon here, so to clarify for anyone unaware: void-anons is not me. they are a blog made to purposely impersonate me, and no I don't know who they are. I have my suspicions, but I'd rather not risk falsely accusing someone considering that's literally what happened to me lol. also this is mostly about me and my experiences so I'm not speaking from the team as a whole here so to start: literally fuck you helper anon. not cool man 👎. you didn't have to make the blog look like mine and could have made it completely anonymous but no you really just had to drag me into it (which im assuming was because im not the most active in chats so it was easier to make it seem like it was mine cause there would be no one to back me and my actions up). also I'll forever be annoyed at the rui aesthetic. like that is literally my guy ☹️. I understand you had frustrations about how things were handled and yeah I get it, but you really did not have to drag me into it??? and then joke about me getting demoted afterwards and act proud of the fact you did???? again just really not cool boooo 🍅🍅🍅. I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tbh I really do not like you my second point: the chats after I returned. yes guys I did read up. I definitely get why the other helpers were frustrated as was I but I felt some of the comments were kinda personal about me?? like I saw the point about how I wasn't close with the other team members show up a few times and like?? that isn't really about the confession that's about me 👎. and just to add on yes I'm aware this was like 8-9 months ago now, and most people part of that discussion have now retired third (and probably final point): the team as a whole on the issue. First of all, it took 2 days of constant bumping and sending proof I don't own the account just to get back on the team. 2 days I was waiting to see if they'd actually believe me. if it was me I honestly would have admitted it, but the fact it isn't and that it's completely out of my control is the worst feeling. little note here but I did really appreciate the members of the lt who sent me pms apologising/asking if there's anything they could do, thank you guys, love u /p. but the fact still stands that they haven't been demoted, and I have pushed for any updates/information that I was allowed to know, but I just kept getting told that 'we're working on it'. I know it's a difficult situation but it really just came across to me like nothing was actually being done. extra few little notes here but the fact that the first confession mentioned how they were on a burner account then proceeded to make it look like it was mine?? why would i do that?? also why was I immediately demoted without being given the option to explain anything first. I feel the actions from the team were very rushed and whilst I do understand it was quite a unique situation, I feel like the steps taken weren't completely thought through. to add to this though I'm glad I did get an explanation in ufc not too long back. I appreciate the transparency /gen. last note from me but I'd like to add the reason that I have so much to say here was because I felt as if I was being shut down at certain points. naturally, this was brought up in casual helper chats more than once and so I'd rant a little, but I had to hold myself back in case of anything.

I did proofread this a little but it is long so pls ignore any mistakes 🙏

[onestepbackwards]

can I make a request to read emmets side of this?

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/onestepbackwards/686860614202687488?source=share

Like maybe write out his perspective and his reactions to coming through bigger then expected. Mostly I'm just super curious for and actually in character write up of what he's thinking/hoping/adapting kinda thing.

And if you like/want his reaction to Reader being down to make good on her promise. Can't help but imagine he'd be a gigantic tease to get them back for the months of teasing he suffered through lol.

Hello Anon! Sorry this took forever to come out. I uh, ended up getting kinda carried away with writing Emmet’s perspective to being small instead, on top of the spice. Oops. That, and it was supposed to be finished a week ago, but I got sick again. （＞人＜；） But! It’s juuuust over 6000 words, so I hope you still enjoy! The original prompt and post had stuff written by Bitty anon! Please check out the original post as well to see the amazing stuff they wrote and sent in for that ask. A lot of stuff here is based on it! ヾ(•ω•`)o CW: Smut, size difference, verrry slight breeding kink if you squint, self aware characters, slight obsessive character, female reader Word Count: 6034 words

Emmet wasn’t sure what to feel. On one hand, he did it! He made it to your home! It took so long. A lot of planning, and learning to understand the code that made the world around him. It took just as long to figure out how to breach your reality, and enter it. But he did it! …At a price, though it seems. When he had crawled out of the screen into your world, he immediately had taken notice just how… big everything was. Were you naturally this big? A giant? He almost couldn’t believe his eyes. Perhaps you were a god? It was something that he had considered. Perhaps he had been right? This must have been your room. He stood on a bed, and the room was filled with all sorts of personal items. Posters, clothes, figurines… Then his eyes landed on the device which he entered from. He recognized it instantly. It was a DS. He had one in his own world. Was he from a game? It would make a lot of sense, now that he thought about it. A lot of sense. The code, the strategy, the restrictions, you controlling an avatar of sorts. Before he could dwell on it though, you had entered the room. Your eyes landed on him, and you froze, before walking up to him curiously. Though you jumped when turned to you, and spoke. “Hello! I am Emmet!” You jumped away from the bed, startled. Fearing you were scared of him, Emmet quickly tried to calm you down, and explain who he was, and where he was from. When your eyes flickered between him and the DS, it finally sat in that he was here. That this was real. Even if he was just short of a foot tall, he was happy to be here, and finally be with you! 

Though you can only stare at him wide eyed and confused, a look of shock on your features. “I-I just… I didn’t know! I didn’t know you could hear me, or that you were aware! I just- I- oh god…” You seemed panicked, and Emmet felt his stomach drop. Before he could say anything, or reassure you, you covered your face, and left the room. Emmet felt his words choke up in his throat, and tears threatening to fall. His stomach was in knots, and he sat on your bed. Of course it wouldn’t be this easy. He had been a fool to just assume that you would agree without a second thought. Perhaps he had gotten so worked up on getting out of here, and getting to you, he had neglected all the possibilities that could happen. Sure, he had hoped you would welcome him with open arms, and accept him without question. You both would kiss, and confess your love for one another, and have a night of fun. Then you would live together, happily ever after. But life doesn’t always work like that. He should have known. Especially seeing he was from a game. And that, you know, he was the size of a doll. That put a wrench in things, even if you had accepted him like he had dreamed. Emmet sighed, burying his face in his knees. He loved you. He would never stop loving you. But this hurt. How would he even explain this to you, if you weren’t willing to hear him out? Leaving him here like this? Though it seemed he had someone looking out for him. Before he could dwell on this too long, you had appeared, seeming much more put together than when you first saw him. You quickly apologized, and seemed rather flustered. You had said all those things about him, because you never thought he would hear them. That he wasn’t real. You were in love with the idea of him, essentially. You never expected him to break reality and see you, wanting to be with you. He could accept that, he supposed. Thinking about it now, that was a lot to suddenly stomach. He probably would have had to take a moment as well. You were a bit embarrassed, and still quite flustered. But you said something that gave Emmet hope. That all of this wasn’t for nothing. You were willing to try. Sending him back left a bad taste in your mouth, and you apparently really wanted to get to know him. The real him. Learn his likes, dislikes, and if you were compatible. Emmet felt his hopes rise. It was a start! He could work with this! Even if it meant you two would just be friends, he was willing to take anything you were willing to give. Even if it was a small chance. He almost wanted to cry from relief.

After that, things slowly fell into a rhythm of sorts. It was awkward at first, as you both tried to get used to each other. That, and the issue of Emmet’s size. Though you genuinely tried to treat him with respect, and like a person. It could have been so easy just to treat him like a doll or a toy, but you made the effort. It was something that made Emmet fall for you just a little more. That, and you were helping him figure himself out. Realizing he came from a game, eventually the dawning horror of him not actually existing set in. How his personality was nothing more than what the code had allowed. You remained positive though, insisting to help him find out more about himself. Stuff he could like, or dislike. He appreciated it. How much you cared, and how you were patient with him. That, and you made an effort not to baby him, either. It was one thing he hated, people not taking him seriously, and babying him. He knew it would be so easy for you to do so, with him being a few inches tall. But you tried not to. He noticed you made an effort not to treat him like that. It nearly made him cry when he would think about it. He was so lucky to have you. As you both settled into a rhythm though, Emmet found his feelings didn’t fade. In fact, they only became stronger. You still cared so much for him, when you didn’t have to. He got to see a side of you he didn’t even get to see in his world. He treasured these parts you would show to him dearly. He felt happy you trusted him enough to even show such sides. Eventually, he felt as if what you two had was more than friendship. Though not yet entirely romantic. There was tension, no doubt about it, and he could feel your eyes linger on him when you thought he wasn’t paying attention. Then the compliments started. It was subtle. Telling him how nice he looked that day, or how funny he was. When he didn’t tell you to stop. You seemed to get more confident. 

Telling him how much you loved his smile, or how beautiful his eyes were… Just like when he was in the game, you managed to fluster him with all the sweet words and compliments. Everything you said to him, only made his heart pound. You were beginning to like him! You must be! Then there was the physical affection. You already held him often, but now you seemed to never want to let him go. You loved holding him in your hands, or on your shoulders. You even hugged him often! And then one day, you kissed him. Well, sort of. You kissed the top of his head. Regardless! You still kissed him! He had been over the moon all evening! You didn’t slow down, either. After that, you seemed more inclined to kiss his head, or even his back sometimes! It was hard to ignore the obvious. You had developed real feelings for him. Feelings he happily accepted. You were eager to give him more after that. Your lewd comments returned, and you’d say them every so often. How much you loved his body, how sexy his smirk was, how you loved his teasing. But it had started to get to Emmet, if he was being honest. Not you or your words! He could never be upset at you! However, the situation he was in, being so small… It frustrated him. Not just the normal things that came with being around a foot tall, such as needing help everywhere, or having to hide from other humans. He was frustrated in his lack of being able to do anything. Lacking the ability to initiate and take some control. When he dreamed about you, he had dreamed of holding you close, kissing you, touching you. Being your size. He wanted to run his hands over your body, spin you and dip you into a kiss, spread your legs, all for him. He couldn’t. He had no control, and he hated it. You seemed to pick up on this as well. How he seemed distant somewhat when it came to affection. You would look at him, almost as if you were planning something, though he couldn’t say what. Not long afterwards, you seemed excited, almost eager for something. When he had asked about it, you simply smiled, and said it was a surprise for him. He just had to be patient. It was asking a lot of him, he had never been a patient person. For you, however, he’d do anything. So he waited.

Thankfully, a week later, you had seemed excited. The surprise had arrived in the mail. Curious, he was eager to see what you had ordered, though had been confused when you showed him a bunch of cables. “I had an idea. What if your size is directly tied to what you use to crawl out of?” You began. Emmet looked at you with a tilt of his head. “Could you explain?” You only seemed to get more excited. “I did some digging, and found some wires to project the screen of the DS onto the TV! I figured, if you were that size crawling out of the DS, you might be bigger if you crawled out of something else, like a computer or a TV screen!” It suddenly clicked in Emmet’s mind what you were trying to do. You were giving him the chance to possibly be big in your world. Normal size. Human sized. He felt his hands shake at the idea. It excited him, but… He also felt his heart clench in his chest. Emmet didn’t want to go back into the game. The whole time he had been here, not once had you asked or made him do so. He didn’t exactly want to go back, either. That world, even though it is his own, wasn't real. The pain of being reminded that his brother and his friends, even his pokemon, were all fake. They had no idea they were code, just strings of numbers made to entertain another reality. He hated it. As much as he wanted his brother here, and his friends, he had no idea how to make them like him. Not that he didn’t try, of course, but Ingo would only look at him as if he was crazy. When you would play, he would assume his role, acting like a puppet, unaware everything they said was preprogrammed. Nor did he want to risk messing with Ingo’s code. He couldn’t bear the thought of causing his brother harm by trying to make him aware. So, he had stayed out, and he wasn’t exactly comfortable with the thought of going back in.

You told him he didn’t have to if he really didn’t want to, but you would be willing to set it up if he was willing to try. Emmet eventually made the decision to try. He may as well. If it didn’t work, then he could come back out, and you both could go do something else. But he wouldn’t lie. The idea was tempting. If this really worked, then he would be taller. He could finally hold you and kiss you properly. Not to mention, do all those things you had mentioned doing with him, long before he even left the DS. He would try it. For you, and the possibility of being tall again. He missed being tall. When you had set everything up, he reluctantly crawled back into the device, wincing when he landed back in Gear Station. He loved this place. It had been his whole life. But it felt so empty. None of the people here were real, all following a set path as they walked back and forth, or just stood around. It made his heart hurt. So he heard you give the signal, he was quick to leave. He climbed out, just like he had the first time, though let out a shocked yell when he fell to the floor. Quickly gathering his bearings, he stood up, and gazed around your room. It was immediately obvious how much smaller everything was. He easily towered over everything. It was a bit disorienting at first, having spent months around your things, and being so small. However, his look around the room ended when his eyes landed on you. You were so excited, practically vibrating in place. And you were shorter. A lot shorter. Just how tall was he? He took a glance at his hands and body, catching a glimpse of himself in one of your mirrors. Holy hell, he was big. Verrry big. He was still proportionate, from what he could tell, much like when he had been smaller. His head though, it nearly hit the ceiling with how tall he was now. Oh yeah, he was not just under 7 feet anymore. Emmet felt himself grow excited as he looked over himself. There was so much he could do now! Help around the house, cook for you, scoop you up in his arms, eat actually proportionate meals-! Oh, there was so much to do! So many things to try!

Hell, he could actually wear normal sized clothes now! Another thought then entered his mind. He could go places with you too! Being a few inches tall, he always had to stay behind when you went out, whether it be for shopping, or for work. He could accompany you now! Sure, he would probably have to buy some new clothes. Couldn’t exactly go out in his uniform, as much as he loved it. You had stressed he couldn’t go out as such unless they were pretending he was a cosplayer. But that was fine! Yup! Anything to be able to go out with you now! He really took being normal height for granted. He would never do so again if he could help it. He then looked back to you, and your eyes met his own. Before he could react, you ran at him, and leaped into his arms. You both tumbled to the ground with a laugh, and Emmet felt his heart swell as you straddled his lap. He could hold you. He could hold you. He felt tears pricking his eyes as his smile widened. Emmet wanted to pull you closer, but you separated from him. Your smile was wide, mirroring his own. Before he could do anything, or say anything, you leaned in. Your lips met his, and he melted against you, holding you close. He was kissing you. After all this time, he finally got to properly kiss you! Both of you stayed together like that, lips only leaving the other’s to take a breath, only to dive back in. It was addicting. He didn’t know if he’d be able to stop on his own. Thankfully, he didn’t have to. Eventually you broke the kiss, and leaned back. You grabbed his hat, and placed it on your head. He couldn’t help but laugh at how big it was on you, though you didn’t seem to mind. Though his eyes widened a tad when your hands went to his coat, and gently began to push it off his shoulders. “Now, how about that coat?” You asked, a smirk on your face. It took a moment for the words to register in his head, before it all came crashing down on him in realization. Oh. He could do so much more than just hug you. Emmet was practically salivating at the thought, and eagerly began to remove his coat for you. His grin threatened to split his face in two with how big it had grown at the realization. 

“Here.” He spoke, handing it to you, which you happily took. Though, you gave him a grin, gently setting it to the side. “Darling?” He asked, and you shushed him. “Did you want to see me in only your coat and hat?” You asked. Emmet bit his lip in anticipation, and his breath hitched in his throat when you began to take off your shirt. He had seen you shirtless a few times, though he hadn’t gotten to act, being so small. That, and those were situations where you weren’t in a mood. Not that he blamed you, of course. This though, this was different. He could look and touch.

You unclasp your bra, and the pesky undergarments are tossed to the side. Emmet’s eyes took in everything you were willing to give, though he pouted when you smacked his hands away from your chest. “Not yet.” You teased, and Emmet swore a growl was forming at the back of his throat. He was so tired of waiting. But this would be worth it. He had always wanted to see you naked in his coat and hat, ever since you mentioned it while he still lived in the DS. And for you? Anything was worth it. You didn’t put on his coat just yet, and raised your hips, placing them on your pants. “Would you like to help?” You asked, and his hands were over yours in less than a second. He helped you ease out of your pants, and sharply inhaled when your core became visible. Oh how he couldn’t wait. This was almost torture. Taking off your pants, and kicking them off somewhere to the side, you happily sat back down on his lap. Emmet’s hands were shaking, and his pants were becoming incredibly tight. You paid no mind, and finally grabbed his coat, and slowly slipped it on, making a show of it.

Emmet could feel himself wanting to drool. You were finally naked for him, all but his hat and coat, sitting on his lap. He couldn’t look away. Arceus you were so hot. He wanted to ravish you. There was so much he wanted to do. So much he could do. You simply gave him a smile, the desire in your eyes making the knot in his gut even tighter. He licked his lips. “So, Subway Boss, looking for a ride?” You asked. Emmet couldn’t help but giggle. It was so cheesy, but he didn’t care. His grin wavered from excitement. “Oh yes! I’m verrry much looking forward to it.” He spoke, feeling his heart hammering in his chest. Before you could make another comment however, he grabbed your hips, and lifted you off the ground. You let out a squeak, wrapping your legs and arms around him as he carried you to the bed. Laying you down, you couldn’t help but let out a squeal when he practically hopped on top of you, caging you in under him. Oh. You were verrry small compared to him now. Emmet knew he was a tall man, but he felt even bigger here, and he loved it. He couldn’t help but shudder at how cute and tiny you looked beneath him. And now he had you all to himself. His grin almost hurt at this point when another thought entered his head. 

You had done nothing but tease him since he had become aware of your existence. Then after you two became close, those teasing words soon came back. “I’m going to wreck you.” He whispered, and your eyes widened as he dived in for a kiss. You didn’t hesitate to wrap your arms around his neck again, pulling him as close as possible. You were just as desperate for him as he has been for you. Without any hesitation, he began to remove his clothes. His shirt was quickly unbuttoned, and tossed to the side. Briefly, you broke the kiss to admire his body, and he could feel himself heating up. Your attention like this… It was addicting. How you made him feel so powerful and confident, just by giving him a look of want. He wasn’t lying when he said he was going to wreck you. It was looong overdue. You briefly reach up to touch him, but he ends up grabbing your hands. He briefly kisses the palms of your hands, before putting them back down. A small, soft reassurance. You pouted as he put your hands away, no doubt wanting to touch. Cute. “Soon, darling.” He promised, though his smile was teasing. His hands traveled downward, and hovered above his pants for a moment. Your eyes never left him, entranced as you enjoyed the small show. Finally, he began to unbuckle his belt, and unbutton his pants. You could only watch as he slid them down, freeing his leaking cock for you to see. Emmet could feel himself grow a tad hotter at your staring. Seeing how this was affecting you… Emmet needed more. He couldn’t wait to stuff you full. Quickly squirming out of his pants completely, he tossed them to the side, before settling in between your legs. Both of you were quiet for a moment, eyeing the other, and admiring each other. You were so cute like this. With his hat on, and his giant coat engulfing your form. He could feel himself twitching in excitement.

Licking his lips, he bent down, and kissed you once again. It was gentle at first, albeit needy. You seem to only want more. 

Emmet then changed tracks. Breaking away from your lips, he gently kissed and nipped down to your chin, kissing up your jawline. As you began to squirm, he simply grabbed your arms, and pinned them above you with a hand. 

Oh yeah. He was bigger than he should be, and he was going to milk this opportunity for all it’s worth.

You let out a small noise in protest with your arms being pinned, but made no move or words to fight it. He took that as a signal to continue.

He began to gently kiss at your neck, slowly making his way down to your collarbone. You began to make cute little sighs, only to moan and thrust your hips when he bit down and began to suck.

Emmet had wanted to leave a hickey on you since he first saw you. He wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. 

After he tasted blood, he backed off, gently licking at the wound in apology. Though he couldn’t help but feel you didn’t mind with how you were moaning.

His kisses didn’t stop at your collar. Emmet could only keep going, until he reached your chest. He pulled back a bit to admire your tits, and reached forward with his free hand. 

Fingers fluttered over your chest, before he grabbed a nipple between his finger, and lightly pinched and tugged. 

Your reaction was immediate. In response to his touch, you arched your back with a choked cry. 

“E-Emmet!” You called out, breathless. 

His grin widened. 

Upping the ante, he eagerly leaned forward, lips latching onto your other nipple. His tongue rolling over the pebbled bud, and gently sucking. His other hand pinched and lightly tugged at your nipple, making sure to give it as much as attention as it’s twin.

You let out a breathless gasp, arching your back even more, lightly thrashing against Emmet’s hold. 

“Em! Em please!”

He simply hummed around your perked bud, ignoring your pleas. He wouldn’t deny it, he was enjoying your reactions, just as much as he was enjoying exploring your body. 

Though he would admit, he was getting impatient. His cock was so hard. It was beginning to get a bit painful. He wanted to bury himself deep inside you. Make you his.

But not yet. 

Nipping a bit at your nipple, Emmet giggled as another round of pleas left your mouth. Eventually, he let up.

He let go of your hands, and you reached out, gripping your hands on his shoulders. As much as you wanted to touch him, you didn’t want to be pinned again. No doubt he would do it.

Which he would happily do so. He found he liked watching you writhe and squirm beneath him. 

His hands brushed over your chest, giving the mounds a few squeezes, before moving to your sides. Slowly, they slid down to your hips. 

Meanwhile, he focused on kissing between your tits, and began moving slowly down your stomach. 

You could only gasp and mewl, asking for more. 

When he reached your pelvis, he simply hovered above for a moment, his thumbs rubbing circles along your hips. You thrust your hips upward, desperate for more. 

Emmet only tsk’d, and passed over where you wanted him the most, and began to kiss up your thighs. 

“Emmet-!” You cried out, your hips lifting in response.

“Shh…” he hushed you against your skin, and gently bit down on your thigh. You gave another cry, which was music to Emmet’s ears.

All worked up, and he hadn’t even touched your core yet. 

He wiggled, wanting to get some friction himself. He couldn’t help that he was eager.

But he had to prepare you. If he was really bigger than what he had been originally, well…

He cast a glance downward, eyes nearly wide with surprise. 

Not to toot his own horn, but Emmet already was above average in the size department. 

But now… he was certainly a bit bigger than before. He would need to prepare you thoroughly to ensure your comfort and safety. Though he couldn’t help but salivate at the implications. He couldn’t wait to feel you clench around him. His smile wavered again against your tender skin, and he gave your thigh another nip. You cried out. When he moved away, he couldn’t help but smugly admire the marks on your skin. He would definitely be looking at them more later. But you were beginning to get impatient yourself, and he was growing antsy. His eyes traveled to your cunt, and he almost vibrated in anticipation. “Emmet…” you whined again, your hips wiggling against his grip. “I have to prepare you, darling.” He teased, and moved his hand to run a finger through your dripping slit. He ran the finger up from your clenching hole, all the way to your clit. 

You gripped his shoulders tight, shaking. “Oh! Emmet! Emmet please!” You begged, eyes hazy. Emmet couldn’t help but coo at you. You were so cute, desperate like this. So hungry for his cock. 

His finger hovered over your hole a moment more, before pushing into your warm, wet heat. Both Emmet and you moaned at the intrusion. Emmet bit his lip to ground himself. So warm! So wet! So tight! He could feel himself going mad, all from just pushing one digit inside you! Carefully, he began to curl the digit, trying to spread you open. He could feel your fingernails digging into his shoulder, and you were panting. After a few moments, he comfortably pushed a second digit in. With two of his large fingers inside, he began to really stretch you open. Scissoring you open, and curling his digits inside you, he watched, pleased with how you became undone from his hand alone. Your eyes were unfocused, and your mouth was open in an ‘o’ as you ground your hips against his hand as much as possible.

Emmet was definitely enjoying the show. Though another idea popped in his head. As he pushed a third finger in you, he pressed his palm firmly against your clit. You howled. Emmet watched in glee as your eyes crossed, and you let out another cry as you humped against his fingers and palm, the pressure enough to pull you into an orgasm. The subway boss was mesmerized. You clenched down on his fingers with a silent scream, gripping his shoulders so tight, he was sure to have bruises. To him, it was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. Leaning down, Emmet gently kissed you, whispering sweet nothings as you came down from your high. He didn’t want to overwhelm you, overall. You happily held him close, running your hand through his hair as you panted. You seemed to be soaking up the attention, and Emmet could only sigh content as he felt your fingers through his hair. “Darrrling~” He called out, nuzzling against your cheek. “May I continue?” He asked. If you needed longer, he wasn’t going to push you. Your pleasure and safety was just as important as his! You let out a mewl, and he felt you clench around his fingers, which were still inside you. “Please! I want you!” You moaned out. Emmet gave a kiss under your jaw, before sitting back. “As you wish.” With that, he pulled out his finger, and made direct eye contact with you. Slowly, he brought his fingers to his mouth, and licked them one by one. He giggled at your lustful expression, and the cute whine you made.

“We have all night, darling. I just wanted a taste before the main event.” He said with a wink, and brought his hips closer. His cock, hot and heavy, settled on your pelvis, and you could only stare wide eyed. You licked your lips, and Emmet swore he felt himself twitch. This was going to be a tight fit. Slowly, he aligned himself at your entrance, and lightly thrusted forward a few times. His cock missed a few times, sliding against your folds and catching your clit, causing you to moan out. After a few more tries, his cock finally caught your hole, and he began to push in. He couldn’t help but sigh, and his eyes crossed from the pleasure. He had only slipped the head in! You weren’t much better, your legs wrapping around his waist, panting heavy once more. Biting his lip, Emmet began to thrust inch by inch inside. You were just so tight, he was worried he might bust if he wasn’t careful. After what felt like hours, though was only a few minutes, he finally managed to bottom out. Emmet felt himself shaking from the pleasure and experience. He was finally here with you, connected to you in the most intimate way possible, just like he had dreamed. Emmet held your hips for a moment, and tried to steady himself, and give you time to adjust. He could feel himself twitching and panting. “So tight… So warm…” He moaned out, feeling just how snug his cock was inside you. He swore, the head of his cock was easily pressing right against your cervix! Not only that, but Emmet nearly screamed when he noticed your pelvis. There was a noticeable bulge, showing just where he cock was seated within you. It made Emmet dizzy, and the image was burned in his mind. You let out a small whimper, and Emmet’s eyes landed on you. Your face was flushed, and eyes were blown. “Emmet…” You whispered. “Y-Yes, darling?” He asked, albeit his voice strained. You pulled him as close as you could with your legs, and wiggled your hip, causing Emmet to gasp. “Move.” Who was he to deny you? Slowly, but incredibly eager, Emmet began to pull out. He nearly cursed as his cock managed to rub against every inch of your walls. When the head of his dick remained, he stopped. He shakily exhaled, and gripped your hips a little tighter. You let out a small keen. In one thrust, he quickly sheathed himself back in. You let out a squeal, and Emmet started a rhythm. It was fast and brutal as he pistoned into you. Emmet didn’t even try to slow down. With how you were clenching around him, and how he hit you so deep-! “Oh… Darling! So good!” He cried out, unable to stop his hips. So good! The pleasure was so intense! He could feel drool threatening to dribble out of his mouth from the feeling! It was so much! He couldn’t stop! He didn’t want to stop!

“Emmet! Faster! Harder!”

He didn’t even have to think twice, his hips moving on their own.

He could already feel himself beginning to slip. The coil in his gut was quickly beginning to tighten. There was no doubt in his mind he would cum soon. Though you certainly didn’t look any better. He could feel you beginning to clench around him a bit, enough to make his head spin. 

Then you let out a gasp, and wrapped your arms around him tightly. 

“I’m! I’m gonna-!” Emmet made a noise between a growl and a purr. “Cum! Cum around my cock, darling!” He told you, though it came out almost like a beg. Your eyes rolled back in your head, and you gave out a loud cry. Emmet cursed as you clenched tightly around his cock, trying to milk him dry. “Darling! I… Can I…” He couldn’t even finish his sentence. His brain was too focused on chasing his high. He was going to cum! He couldn’t hold back for much longer, nor did he want to. Would you let him cum inside? Oh how he hoped so. He wanted to mark you as his for so long, and cumming inside would be the perfect way to do so. Thankfully, you seemed to get what he was asking, and locked your legs around his waist tightly.

“Yes. Please.” You managed to choke out between his thrusts, and Emmet let himself go. He let out a groan, and threw his head back, seeing white as his orgasm hit him like a tidal wave.

His cock twitched inside you, and he felt load after load of cum coat your insides. He thrusted as deep as possible, stilling his hips so keep as much of his seed as deep inside you as he could. It was so much. He didn’t think he had ever cum this much before… Emmet’s grip on your hips was bruising, he was sure, but he couldn’t help it. He was shaking and twitching, and his grip was the only thing keeping him from collapsing. Panting hard, he almost missed how you began to pull yourself up closer to him. “Haa… I love you, Emmet. I love you so much…” You whispered in his ear, seemingly just as shaky as he was. Your words however, struck a chord in him, and his heart felt like it could burst from affection. Emmet purposely crashed into your chest, making you squeal as he gently laid on top of you. He nuzzled against your face and neck, littering it with kisses. “I love you too, darling! So perfect for me.” He spoke. He wondered if he had hearts in his eyes with how much love he felt for you. Everything he had wanted for so long, he finally had. He held you for a moment, before wiggling his hips a bit, causing you to let out a surprised gasp. Emmet’s head peeked out from your neck, and he gave you a grin. The look on your face showed you had a feeling you knew what he was about to ask. “Want to go again?” You licked your lips, and Emmet could feel himself shake in excitement. You ran a hand through his hair, and Emmet sighed at the action. “Yes. I would love to.” Emmet’s grin widened. They could worry about his huge size later. He had an evening with you to continue.

[sophieinwonderland]

An Autopsy of the Syscourse Brackets

Oh, hey! I saved this draft back in April! I figured with a round two coming, I might as post it now!

...

It was about a month ago when the Syscourse Brackets were announced (Future Sophie here: It's obviously been way more than a month now), hoping to bring about a new era of intercommunity connection. It... didn't do that, shockingly. So, let's talk about where it went wrong, and what someone could learn from their mistakes.

Have actual brackets and communicate: Part of the confusion that occurred later was a result of nobody really knowing what going on at any given point. Having actual brackets you can look at is a big part of what makes brackets fun. You can look at the brackets and predict who will be facing who in the next round. These syscourse "brackets" lacked that, which led to confusion, and just a worse feeling overall. Real brackets also assures that the brackets after the initial matchup are fixed and isn't just the creator choosing the matchups each round. And, I mean, I'm pretty sure they did change the brackets as I doubt a 3-way poll was how they intended to end them. And there was some weirdness where they demanded @/traumascumathena write an essay to be included in round 2 which I would normally brush off as a joke between friends but that essay wasn't written and they weren't put into the next round, so... yeah...🤷‍♀️

Do a better job reaching out to both communities: In the end, there was a sea of anti-endos, only a few pro-endos, only one actual endogenic system, and zero mixed origin systems represented in the brackets. Even if not intentional, this gives the appearance of bias.

If your goal is making a safe space, do a better job of that too: Publicly attacking your participants and accusing them of spreading misinformation after already accepting them isn't helping create a safe space or communication between the communities. Especially when combined with the fact that, as mentioned in the last point, the only person you attack this way is the only endogenic systems in your brackets.

These are real people and consent is integral: Two different systems sent confessions to the syscourse confessions blog stating that they didn't want to be included in the brackets. Being included was harmful to both of these systems. Congratulations for the ones who were okay with their inclusion, but not everyone was. And I would like to remind people that this popularity contest did include some systems who were minors. Reaching out to confirm that they were comfortable with this should have been a top priority. At best, this was negligence and they never considered that people might not want to be entered into this popularity contest against their will. At worst, they were too lazy or just knew their brackets would be smaller if people were given the opportunity to not be included. None of these possibilities are very good.

People should feel safe criticizing the brackets: I think the initial framing of the brackets as a fun game to heal syscourse was itself harmful. For myself, I didn't want to criticize the brackets up until the callout post because I felt like doing so might harm the community. But we also see this in the blogs who were included in the brackets against their will. They turned to the confessions blog and didn't make these posts on their actual blogs because they didn't feel safe doing so. And this, to me, is a huge problem. People shouldn't feel unsafe in communicating displeasure towards being involuntarily included in a popularity contest.

Don't. Just don't: If you made it this far, you might be thinking that you can fix their mistakes and still salvage the concept. But none of this addresses the central problem. You can't heal a divide by pitting people against each other in a popularity contest. This was always a bad idea. It never was going to be a friendly competition between people who hate each other. The cheating that happened during the brackets was a direct result of this hostile environment. The results of the brackets made somebody so depressed that their partner felt like they needed to make over 50 accounts to cheer them up. And while I certainly don't condone cheating, I truly feel like this is a situation where we need to hate the game, not the player. Because the brackets themselves created the environment that harmed the system in question to this extent.

The brackets were a terrible idea that were executed even worse with arbitrary made-up rules, attacks against participants, and it wasn't even a real bracket.

For those who do want to make actual brackets, it's not hard to find generators to make it super easy. I found a generator with just a quick Google. Imagine how satisfying the brackets could have been if they looked more like this from the beginning:

Future Sophie:

That's the end of the draft I made in April.

Overall, I feel the original syscourse brackets, despite being billed as something to unite syscoursers, were a poorly handled mess that only served to create more drama.

The nature of the brackets as a popularity contest between real people who hate each other meant that being a drama generator was always all they were going to amount to. But the poor handling of it made that so much worse than it could have been

[barkbarf]

it's really sad to see division and segregation go so hard in fandom nowadays. the worst thing that could happen is people getting scared of sharing their fanworks, as if that wasn't the whole point in the first place. discord would be great if not for the inherent walled-garden aspect of it. also, i finally followed through with that confession blog, if you remember that ask from months ago. thank you for your words.

Yeah, that's what I don't like about discord, is that they're harder to search out and find (at least trustworthy ones with nothing weird happening...) I don't like to be all "back and my day" about it, but fandom does feel so much different and less fun. Like I said, maybe I'm just getting old, but everyone seems so AGGRESSIVE! Which they always have been to a degree, but... man. I've already put relationships I care about at risk over this before, so it's not worth it to try again publicly.

But in other news, I'm happy to hear that, anon! I hope you have fun with your new blog! I do remember the ask you had sent. I'm glad I could offer kind words to you. :-)

[justformyconfession]

Hi, this is my confession. I’m going to get straight to the point. I am currently 21, and I harassed a child, calling them a proshipper. That was back in about late 2022 to early 2023, or about 7 or more months ago, at this point I don’t remember.

I made two fake accounts, and tried to make a narrative where a person I don’t know [The victim, otherwise known as Nana] was an adult woman, and a proshipper who was making friends with children in the SDRA2 fandom. None of those things were true, when in fact, the victim is a child, an anti, and is a male. Had I bothered to do any research before calling them everything I did, I would have realized that very quickly, seeing as they had a card stating their age and gender.

I had an account where I was pretending to be a proshipper myself, which I used to gather information on proshippers at the time (made maybe a few weeks before I even learned about the victim’s existence). I had come in contact with a 20-something (??) year old proshipper that had confided to me that they were being harassed by the victim. I had an idea which I shared with said person to make them look like a proshipper as retaliation, and they had encouraged me through most of the process up until they later blocked me. I had believed that this would give me brownie points with said proshipper and make me seem more believable.

The only thing it did was make me and others miserable in the long run.

Under the second account, I had sent out of context screenshots to one of my friends in an ask. They had no knowledge that it was me, and posted it believing what I had cherry picked. From there I reblogged the post from one of my main writing accounts, and had made it very clear to all of my friends that ‘If they were friends with the victim, I would be blocking them’ or something along those lines. From there I had spoken to a Teruya account user  who was close to the group (I don’t remember if they were following said account or if we were friends or not) and had pushed them into telling other people about my post. I had done that with several other people as well.

Then people started defending the victim and attacking my friend, which made me panic. I began grasping at straws for days trying to prove that I was right on said second account.

In between all of that I had lied and said that the only thing I was guilty of was misinformation. That included both my friends and people who came to get my side of the story.

When I knew that I couldn’t win, I had deleted any and all evidence of the harassment, including the accounts after I had seen that said proshipper (the one I mentioned earlier) had blocked me. From there I simply continued to tell people I was innocent, that it was a misunderstanding, and basically talking my way out of the situation for the most part. I was being very manipulative, and it was way past the point of redemption at that point.

This was the first time that I had done anything like this. I knew probably halfway through that what I was doing was wrong, and I should have stopped and deleted everything, and I really have no idea why I continued.

The last apology that was made was complete garbage. I was running off of pure emotion when writing it, dancing around the subject because I didn’t want to believe that I, an adult, had harmed people much younger than me. Though I DID mean it when I said I was sorry. I was dumb enough to think something like that would just make everything better and that I could just lay low and it would all just blow over after a while.

That was until yesterday afternoon when a certain someone contacted me via my ask box asking to be friends with the condition of apologizing for everything I did first. While that may have been a reminder, that wasn’t my reason for posting this. I’m tired of feeling like everyone is my enemy, I’m tired of the paranoia, I’m just tired of hiding. 

The only thing that keeps me from posting this on my main blog  is the fear of people. I know I fucked up, but I am unwilling to post this on main because I know I will be attacked, ostracized, and isolated from others that I’ve grown close to. I understand that may make me appear more ingenuine, but I know that this will have a chance of being spread around anyways and what I fear will happen even if I wish it doesn’t. 

I’d like to say I’m sorry, Nana. I don’t expect you to move on even now, and you’re free to hate me. I know what I did was unforgivable. I can only hope that you and anyone else who was affected will be able to heal from my malicious outbursts. 

I’ve tried to go zero contact to allow you and everyone else involved the space to breathe, and I would appreciate it if it stays that way. We don’t have to be friends here, and would rather we don’t speak at all. Anyone I feel is trying to bring it up to me will be blocked, I’d rather not have a reminder of my actions.

Treat

@tentas-corner

I don't know who to tag here to get the message through.

Goodbye.

[feuqueerfire]

Wandee Goodday Ep 8 Live Blogging

Watching it on Sunday because I was too preoccupied with The Worst of Evil and Infernal Affairs (2002) on Saturday, means I got spoiled for stuff.

Ep 8 (June 23)

8-1

necklace already

is this real or is this still a fake relationship, can we be clear. you're not specifying so i'm meant to take it as a return to before times but like... what

SO WE STILL CAN'T KISS??? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ANYTHING!!!

oh, Yak wanted to become the champion

do not embarrass me anymore, why are you doing 'pound' innuendos in front of Yak's brother and the gym members

Enough what do you mean how many rounds T.T i cannot handle such embarrassment

i know from spoilers that Taem seems to like Yak now or something and that AJ's character may not be good?

and the thigh massage or whatever in front of everybody

"my boyfriend is so good at making up stories" lmfao Cher get him

8-2

Dee literally left Japan ASAP, why are you now again asking him to join you at this ball?

does Dr. Kwan have no tact or is she purposefully getting Ter to herself quickly because she guessed that Ter was asking Dee?

I truly don't understand what the point of this conflict and fake breakup was if their thoughts and relationship haven't changed at all; still we're pretending it's fake, no kisses, deadline in 2 months like huh

8-3

money problemos

Yei and Cher are cute. is the engagement thing I've seen gonna happen here?

so is this not an ad? They didn't even state or show the name of the product

so this was recorded and edited before the Marriage Equality bill passed right, that was only a few days ago. or maybe this was recorded around the time the previous step that got passed around late March.

awwww T.T

i thought Taem liked Ohm and that Ohm was gonna be a good guy, so what's going on

Help D:

Vivi in a saree and gold jewelry

Ter is so fucking rude man not only is he asking Dee again but he literally has Kwan as a dance partner? If he chooses to dance with Dee, what will happen to Kwan? asshole, you can't just abandon your date

8-4

I'm so confused about Taem and Ohm's storyline. I'm also not a big fan of female friend gets abused/cornered/assaulted to create angst between our main bl ship trope, though the way they're handling this one isn't Too Bad (stuff like Star In My Mind pisses me off more) but Yak def should've told Dee what Taem sent so that they're on the same page agh

Dee calling Ter too vanilla

Kwon should actually kill Ter. Dee and Kwon team um and just eliminate this man because not only has he kept staring at Dee but now he's WALKING AWAY FROM KWON TO DEE?!?!?!

and ofc perfect timing to run in

Ter is confused by where Kwon is? does he expect her to just stand there waiting for him?

the dance scene isn't doing anything for me, I think My School President and Never Let Me Go did better in that way, though I guess the dancing was more of a throughline in those shows than it is here

ahhh Yak confessed. straight to I think I love you

I think I'm gonna have to pretend the ep7/8 conflict doesn't exist because it started weirdly and ended too fast without proper resolution and the kiss was anti-climactic and nothing in their relationship changed after the fight... They could've skipped over the whole thing because apparently they're still fake boyfriends who don't kiss... I liked this ep more than last ep so hopefully we can patch things up and get on track again. Cher and Yai's proposal scene was very cute, very endearing.

The Taem-Ohm storyline direction threw me off and also, are we meant to assume that after that whole fiasco Taem's just like alright Yak, off you go to your prom with your fake-bf I'll be fine byeee. I did say this one wasn't doing as badly in the "female friend is assaulted to build tension between our male love interests" trope as some other shows but that doesn't mean it's not off-putting.

Next ep seems like it's Yak planning on win over Dee, which is funny because that man also is in love.

[alternian-relationship-advice]

I met my bf 6 years ago as a stranger at that time he didn't knew me, from the last 6 years I was a stranger to hik until last year, I sent him req on Instagram and we started talking. Suprisingly we actually matched the vibe of each other after talking for 3/4 days I confessed, but he denied. Later , he asked me if I wanna go for a walk, we did and that same night he proposed to me.

Now it's been 10 months to us and there have been a number of fights and idk if they have affected me , there have been times when we both disrespected each other and fought a lot .

But yesterday night, I became too sad. We had a fight over a guy because he proposed to me and I said " I accepted better from that boy" He became upset on that statement. Ofc I said so because I was playing a game and that boy ( who proposed to me) texted me, ofc we all expect the other thing to be better when we sacrifice something for it. But he said he doesn't and he wanted to see what I replied to his proposal but I said that I actually did not replied to him and even cleared the conversation.

I told him to trust me, and he told me that he does trust me but he do not trust that guy. After that I was so done I said that I cannot stay in this relationship as we both aren't happy we need to fight everytime to make this relationship alive. We aren't meant for each other on which he kept refusing and kept on saying that it's just someday we feel something like this, but to me I have been feeling like this for awhile now. I dont want to text him, I don't wait for him. I guess after the fights we had , I have become like this.

So I told him how tired I was of this relationship and I was bored of him. Now he just reacted to my text and didn't replied Me anything and when I asked if this is over do replied that it's on me as he do want to.

I wanna know should I leave him? Because it's not easy either. Should I just end this?

you seem to be lost, this is an rp blog

Leave him. I know it’s not easy but it’s time to walk away. if you’re not happy, and you’re already thinking about it? Get up and go. There’s better men out there. Don’t let the time you’ve spent weigh you down. This isn’t healthy for either of you.

[incarnateirony]

Man. Just thinking about how ridiculous this flight of the crackbear has been.

When she attacked her way into this reverse bear trap, she proudly wore the stolen glamour of a 2001 anime octopus jibberish joke stolen as story her own, retold from her misunderstanding until embarrassed off it. The shop had been given as "priestess of Hermes" so-attached to the squid nonsense, and she had to be peeled from that squid nonsense for weeks.

In that time, the greatest game begins, right down to the screaming lady in the football field on queue with her red eyed friends, and those later to come. And as her tendrils rip from one embarrassment, she unwittingly rebrands as BTV Digi Witch. The commentary of this to become increasingly apparent as Claude dances at the edge of madness and memes.

Picking up a red warning sign left in the minds eye of those nearest to her and selling it, she goes, Oh, I Realized I Was On The Wrong Path And Someone Was Influencing Me.

However, she does not admit who that was, because of what is happening. And in not confessing and looking at that, or the screaming, she looks about and goes, Who Am I?

Distantly, she hears me, and Claude soon to be developed, screaming Maya, Cowardly Maya. Naturally, she mishears it as Mara, a penis, but we don't have time to unpack that additional dong.

And so she slipped on a long warned wet bear skin rug again, and posts on; her inner logic brain 'helps her with shadow work but sent her to therapy'; she will not onboard this meaning because of what it means of the truth with me. The Leviathan she put on her altar, the snake of shadow, is leading her shadow work. She is not onboarding what this means. What any of it means.

She already crossed that point a while ago. When she said, "I think I'm on the wrong path," she was already starting to ask Who, but did not know Where to look anymore, and thus clung to the anchors made loud.

It became, oh no, all these other deeply important entities in my life, all of them. She was a priestess of rumpocky jibberish hermes but all the other toys, like athena who only comes up once on search when she reflected about her logic brain the nights I started remote charging Athena my own way, or Loki any given night. All of them, always important, always deeply integrated. So you only believed yourself a priestess of hermes when charging people with my stories?

Why then should you, he, or anyone, believe in anything you say about anything you ever believed, cocaine bear?

So she ran from story and branding first, and label again, and tried a few angles of her own tale to justify only to render it worse, and found herself wordsmithed into such a hole in this beautiful game of minecraft that she was booped into purple cat confessions and she finally surrendered the shell she pumped out past words on. One, at least. But a surrender of words no less, since I'd all but taken them, as she tries to cling to mine, and she's trying to find ways to ward that off by hiding her words rather than facing or speaking truth.

But at the end of the day... she's going to be the one left with those questions for a handful of months self enacted. And the magical fallout, and the psychological fallout, and most toys of hers will never be the same to her when she looks at them, and we both know that, don't we?

Probably should have turned around at the other realizations, dove. Why, you'd still have your blog and your faith.

But no, no NASA Artemis is covering us throwing Apep at the Eclipse. I'M PISSIN ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

[fictionkinfessions]

hi, it's Surge & Whisper here. i know i've sent confessions in a lot this week but i've been having a LOT of memories & kin dreams that have revealed some genuinely upsetting things. and i don't know how to process them so kinfessions blog it is!

as some of you have seen, as Surge the tenrec i cut off Sonic's leg and then electrocuted him almost to death. and i have been feeling really super incredibly guilty about it.

well, it turns out that both of my lives are in the same timeline, meaning as Whisper, i get to see the psychological and physical impact that shit had on him because we shared the same hospital room. oh, yeah, and the entire reason he even went to track Surge (me) down in the first place was to rescue the Wisps that she (i) stole.

so i got to see the fallout of my attempt at killing the guy who, as Whisper, i considered my closest friend after my future wife, Tangle. as Surge, i did everything i could to kill him because i believed that literally all my trauma was his fault by proxy, since his "never take a life" morality lead to Dr. Starline going on to kidnap, experiment on, mutilate, and eventually brainwash me and Kitsunami.

my feelings about that damn blue hedgehog keep getting more complicated. this feels like a very mean joke being played on me by the kin gods. like honestly what the fuck even is that.

i started watching Sonic Boom as a joke a month and a half ago and this is where i am now, i guess.

[a-patheticapathetic]

#32 - 3/13/23

I am really doing spectacularly poorly. 

I’ve got a King Gizzard live recording on like Febreeze over an exploded sewage tank. I find myself rapidly swinging between borderline suicidality and just feeling kind of down. There have been many, many points within the last month where I would have used a loaded handgun if I were suddenly holding one. I’ve thought I saw clearly what my life was at several points and at this point I have no bearing on what clarity actually is any more. I want to die. I don’t I want to talk about it. I don’t. I want to write about it, and I guess I shot the lottery on that one because here I am. Why?

I want to tell my brother that I’ve given up on him. I want to say exactly what I feel about how he’s been treating me the last several years. I want to accuse him of gossiping about our friends, which is true! He’s been doing it actively and with no remorse. I want to accuse him of worsening my already awful mental state, and he is! Most of the suicidal thoughts have come as a direct result of him keeping me up past 4-5 AM jabbering with people on the East Coast, and thus keeping them up even later. I want to accuse him of completely ignoring me and everything I do, which is true! He has openly admitted to never reading this blog, because it scares him. He couldn’t name the last thing I wrote if his life depended on it. I haven’t streamed in months and he hasn’t asked about that because he has no idea. He doesn’t try whatsoever with me, which hurts because he was one of the few things that I was trying with. Oh well. 

I gave up too, buddy. I gave up a long, long time ago. Did you know that the night after I tried to kill myself, you were what made me cry? The thought of what you would be going through when you heard that I was in the hospital and why. Do you remember a few years earlier, that you were the first one I ever confessed my suicidal thoughts to? Were you pretending to care then too? I won’t be linking this in the group and I hope I don’t take it down either, like I did the last time I emptily ranted at you on a webpage you would never read. None of my “friends” read this despite the fatc that I only ever showed it to people I deeply cared about, with the explicit message that it was where I wrote my truest feelings the things I felt were the most important to me. Nobody gives a shit. A couple of people skimmed the first thing I shared and sent me a tearful message of “talk to me if you need to” with the knowledge that they didn’t mean it, and that’s it. You aren’t reading this. If you are it’s only becuase I finally grew the balls and finished the job nad now you’re trying to act all sad and pretend you cared. Fuck off, I knew you were lying and this is what happened. Maybe I deserved all the pain I was born to bear but you certianly deserve what you’re feeling in my wake. I don;t mean that I do. I mean it. Get away from me. I gave up and so did you

[italoniponic]

I've returned again- because I can't sleep. Swimmy needs sleep but Swimmy has a small confession and a short HC!!! A long time ago, probably a month or two by now? During the MC clothing saga, I was the one who sent the ask about MC getting all dressed up in a ballgown and the guys fighting over her. 🤣 I thought of something else related to it that could SORT OF tie in with the random proposal/courting asks I've sent you.

I don't know if it's actually canon or not that Crewell designs clothing and makes it. I think it is, but I can't remember. I know almost everyone kind of goes along with the HC though.

Anyways, I like to imagine Crewell asks for your help, as he's designing a wedding gown and he needs you to model it so he can see how it fits, make adjustments and add more details, etc. He's finished it, but then Grim runs in, sees you all dressed up in a beautiful wedding gown, looking like a perfect bride with a veil and everything. He gets the wrong idea- you're getting married and you're going to move out of Ramshackle and leave him to fend for yourself. You see him enter the room and turn to smile at him, lifting your veil gently and Crewell is beaming (over his wonder gown). This just destroys Grim and confirms his incorrect suspicions. Grim then runs out of the room, sobbing and blubbering and wailing about how you're marrying Crewell and leaving him all alone... you chase after Grim yelling "it's not what it looks like -COME BACK GRIM I'M NOT LEAVING YOU!!!" and chasing the poor baby. Your veil and gown are flowing behind you and Crewell is chasing you yelling about the dress not being done. The students are torn between being in awe of how absolutely stunning you look (and subconsciously trying to imagine you at the alter with them) and being highly concerned over the chase-scene that they are witnessing...

Several boys join in on the pursuit, even if they don't know why. But by the end of it, you're hugging Grim tightly and he's still sobbing and begging you not to leave him. Crewell is PISSED because the dress is tattered and torn- and somehow he's wearing the veil now. Things are on fire. Ace and Deuce have a broken arm and leg respectively. Azul is trying to figure out how to profit off of your bridal image. Idia is having ghost bride flashbacks and passes out. You stepped on Silver at some point. Kalim thought you were playing tag. Malleus has now made it his life goal (as well as other boys) to see you in a wedding dress again- of course, at your own wedding with him... Cater took like, ALL the photos and captioned them with #RunawayBride #NRClife #IDont #HereRunsTheBride #CrewellDesigns. Rook is the first one to join the chase because he *is* a hunter after all. Jack's heart said "fetch" but his pride said "no".

- Swimmy 🏊‍♀️

OH SO IT WAS YOU? AAAAW SWIMMY~ sharing hcs with me since the beginning &lt;;3 [this ask in question, oh God, finding tags on my blog is a nightmare]

GOD THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING LOL Grim misunderstanding things, he doesn't want to lose MC after all and MC goes after him, making this whole run with other students after them like is the Dodo and the running animals in Alice's movie. I LOVE IT

more mumbling under the cut~~

The beautiful white bride dress now all messed up and Crewel rolling up the veil in his arm, almost crying, he also forgot his wand thing with the whip in the teacher's office so he can't whip all of you

GRIM WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE AND PROBLEMATIC? But I love you bb <3 I would probably hug him tight like I do with my cat sometimes he hates it

W-why Ace and Deuce have a broken arm and leg???? did they fight to see who would get close to MC in the run? Ace gave this sick kick in Deuce's leg and in revenge, as he was falling, Deuce twisted Ace's arm????

OF COURSE Azul is trying to think how obtain money from this. Maybe a whole session and promotion sale in Mostro Lounge that the brought of 3 special drinks, you can take a wedding photo with MC as your bride lol

Idia having serious ptsd </3 I think he's never gonna look at wedding-ish game events like the same before

SILVER BABY I'M SO SORRY and Kalim... oh, such a precious boy. Never get what's happening but if it seems fun, why not join in?

Malleus standing in the hallway, looking up, daydreaming about your wedding day set in the human deco style. If it suits you, then he's fine by it <3

CATER HASHTAGS HAD ME ON GROUND FAINTING LMAO I'm not surprise that Rook was the first to follow along, hunting Grim for MC but also holding the dress's tail (idk if this is the proper way to name it, it's like the longest part of the dress) so you can run without problems

JACK HOW- YOU BETTER RUN AFTER ME *I climb on him, shaking his shirt* YOU'RE ONE OF MY POTENTIAL HUSBANDS DAMMIT but so him trying to contain himself and get away from all this mess. "Prestigious college with proper students" his tail

Swimmy, as always, I loved all this <3 Thanks for presenting me with more funny headcanons! You're the best :D