#is this based on fictives? yes

[manyminded]

chameleon au where he’s a rain/sky hybrid. you agree. reblog

[thaltro]

I'm apart of a system too! So, just wanted to tell you youre really freaking strong, okay? Not only did you survive actual horrors, but you've kept surviving after, you're still surviving. Living as a system can suck, it sucks to share and headaches are bad, dissociation causes you to get lost in your own body. But you're still here, pushing forward—That's amazing. You're amazing. You're an individual, you deserve to heal.

Thank you for being here.

Oh wow- I’m reading through all the asks (there’s so much) and I always feel bad when I miss sweet ones like this. That’s really kind, thank you. To all the systems here I hope you guys are doing well. 🙁🫶 that’s just really kind. Whoever sent this ask I hope you have a good day

Side note I usually don’t do sign offs (mainly because I’m scared of fake claiming- or appearing cringe to non systems) but I could start doing it. it’s just easier for me to look at my posts a know who said what or who drew what because idk I like to keep track of it. Can’t enforce it with others because they aren’t all too comfortable with being open or even admitting we are a system but as the new host I’m more comfortable being out.

But yes any other systems here feel free to send in asks because typically I’ll answer them- those are my favourite asks to get tbh

-✚ Psych

[faggotstump]

former president and her husband who is the size of a dime (they got stopped by paparazzi on the way home to their other two husbands)

reblog if you leave a like. leaving just a like does nothing and gets you blocked.

[irlkisukeurahara]

headcanoning a canon disabled character as ableist purely for the sake of angst for your uwu autistic gay boy is NOT cool or based 😕☝️

[thethingything]

as it's started getting closer to April our brain keeps kind of being like "it's nearly mushroom Sly season" and I just worked out that this is because both last year and the year before there was a bunch of art and lore for that AU that got posted in April and May so I guess now our brain just associates that time of year with that specific AU which is kinda fun

[retrohack]

Transfem Kondraki truthers where are yall at

[lovelyrotter]

fellow fictives my babes my darlings i am BEGGING YOU to stop tagging your very personal stuff with ships relating to your fictive-shape and then start talking about whether or not you ''condone'' these ships entirely purely based on your personal comfort as if youre talking about law. do what you want with your own irl body and relationships. you are not part of shipping. you are a real person. i am BEGGING YOU PERSONALLY to not partake in the crossing of these lines

[holdmytesseract]

moodboard by @chennqingg <3

The Most Beautiful Flower

Jotun!King!Loki x fem!Æsir!Queen!Reader

Summary: Some side effects of the pregnancy with the twins unlocked several body insecurities, causing your husband to think of a plan to cheer you up and convince you of your beauty.

Warnings: body insecurities, pregnancy stuff, suggestive smut, tooth rotting fluff, Loki being an absolute sweetheart and most loving, caring, supporting hubby ever, protective Loki, nudity

Word Count: 3,6k

a/n: This oneshot is based on a request @eleniblue had. 😊 Thank you for this, my friend! I hope you're going to like it! 😊

Ps. Chapter Two of 'Through the Years' will be posted on Thursday! 😁

Tags: @lady-rose-moon @huntress-artemiss @muddyorbsblr @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @chennqingg @smolvenger @alexakeyloveloki @theaudacitytowrite @jennyggggrrr @asgards-princess-of-mischief @eleniblue @vanilla-daydreaming @loz-3 @valencia-rou @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @fictive-sl0th @bunny24sstuff @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @lovingchoices14 @linaax @mochie85 @goblingirlsarah @glitchquake @lokidbadguy @icytrickster17 @gruftiela @lulubelle814 @mandywholock1980 @november-rayne @chantsdemarins @simping-for-marvel @lou12346789 @aagn360 @lokiforever @anukulee @multifandom-worlds (Continuing in the comments!)

Ice Flower Masterlist ❄ Loki Masterlist ❄ Masterlist

You stood in front of the wide full-length mirror of yours and Loki's bedroom; looking at yourself. You had just taken a bath with the help of two maidens, but preferred to get fully dressed alone.

Yes... Being now nine months pregnant with Jotun twins was everything but easy. Your feet often hurt and were swollen. Your back ached from all the weight it had to carry. You also were so much more sensitive now. Especially to touch, of course - which could be great, but also annoying.

The worst of all, though, was that you were freezing even more! You didn't know that it was possible, but... Oh, it was. Only logical with two Frost Giant babies growing within you... There were nights when even Loki's body warmth wasn't enough to keep you from freezing. Several furs and blankets were needed, until you were practically wrapped up in a cocoon. And that was only the 'beginning'... The healers told you that it was quite possible for more 'side effects' to occur - and you still had about four months to go...

You looked with critical eyes over your body; seeing several stretch marks, water retention in your legs, swollen feet and even some small freezer burn marks - especially on your belly. Not to mention that you gained a lot of weight throughout this pregnancy.

You sighed; body insecurities kicking in. This is far from beautiful, you thought. This isn't how a queen should look like... You ran your hands down the bare skin of your lower back and over your big bump, which were your twins. Tears gathered in the corners of your eyes; your mind planting even more dark thoughts within your brain. What if Loki won't find me attractive anymore? What if he thinks I'm ugly? The maelstrom of negativity pulled you deeper and deeper with no chances of escape. What if he won't bed me any-

Your train of thoughts got harshly interrupted by a pair of pleasantly warm hands, which landed on your hips and glided forwards to cup your growing bump. You gasped. Touch sensitivity.

"What's that frown on your face about, my love?" The deep, velvety timbre of your husband's voice urged to your ears. Combined with the kiss he bestowed upon your bare shoulder, caused goosebumps to form on your entire body.

You were about to answer, as one of your twins gave a nudge against Loki's palm, making the king chuckle. "Someone is enjoying the touch of their father," he stated; letting his one hand roam to feel for more movement of his offspring. "Seems like they are well and healthy. What did the healers say this morning, Flower?" You nodded and placed your hands on Loki's way bigger ones; enjoying the touch nevertheless. "They are, my love. Healthy and growing as they should." Loki inhaled the scent of your freshly washed hair and cleaned skin, before lowering his head to kiss your shoulder once again. "That is good to hear. I never had doubts, though. Not with such a strong, powerful woman being their mother." Your heart skipped of course a beat at his words - but the darkness lurked within your head still.

Loki lifted his lips from your skin with a soft pop, before he looked up to meet your eyes in the mirror. "Now, my queen... Tell me... What is that frown doing on the beautiful face of yours?"

You swallowed hard; tried desperately to suppress the upcoming tears. "Nothing, my king. I was just thinking." "Thinking? About what?" Your husband asked; pressing his tall frame against yours. You shook your head. You didn't want him to see how weak and vulnerable you were in this moment. You didn't want his pity. You should be strong... Be his warrior goddess. But you weren't.

"Nothing important, Loki," you lied and turned around in his embrace to give him a fake smile.

Your husband looked intensely at you for a moment; frowning. He sensed that something was off. He knew. He wasn't blind, neither stupid. But he also didn't want to pressure you into talking to him - so he played it off.

"Alright, my love."

Over the next days, the Jotun king made sure to always have an eye on you. Sure, he was already watching you like a hawk; barely leaving you alone. After all, you were carrying his children. His primal instinct left him no other choice than to look after his pregnant wife. And honestly? He wouldn't want it any other way. He must protect what was his.

Now, though, he watched you even closer; trying to figure out what exactly was bothering you - and he soon got his answer...

Some days, you were awake before him. Nothing unusual, but now that you were pregnant, it happened more often. Just like that day.

You were standing in front of the mirror - once more looking at your unattractive self. Usually, you did that when Loki was away and couldn't notice, but this time... You thought he was asleep, but unbeknownst to you, he wasn't...

Loki shifted inside the bed; arm reaching out to feel for you, but your side of the bed was cold and empty. She's already awake and up, the king thought. He was about to settle down again and continue to sleep, when he suddenly heard a heartbreaking sigh. Frowning, he turned on his back and blinked his eyes open. His bare abs clenched as he sat up; ruby eyes searching for the origin of said sigh. Then he saw you. Standing in front of the mirror; only dressed in undergarments. Your gaze was focused on a deep stretch mark on the side of your left hip. The moment Loki saw a tear running down the side of your face, he knew. It fell like scales from his eyes. It all made sense now. Your strange behaviour. Why you avoided his touch more often and hid your body from him; avoiding him seeing you naked.

The changes your body went through during pregnancy was bothering you. You were insecure.

His heart ached upon watching this; knowing exactly what you must be thinking. He wanted to jump up from the bed, run over to you and scream at you how utterly beautiful you were to him, but he knew he couldn't. You were clearly trying to hide this from him. If he would confront you now, you'd feel caught and probably even embarrassed. So, heavy-heartedly, Loki quietly laid back down; pretending to be asleep. But his mind was working; searching for a way to make those dreadful insecurities go away - and it didn't take him long to figure out a plan...

"My king, where are you taking me? I know you said it is a surprise - and I really don't wish to ruin this, but... My feet are hurting. I'm afraid I won't be able to walk much longer..." Your hand was entwined with Loki's, as he led you - carefully and slowly, blindfolded to somewhere only he knew.

He said he wanted to take you out a bit, but make it a surprise and not tell you where. Just the two of you. No guards. No interruptions. You agreed, of course; trusting him with your life.

"I know, my darling Flower. Apologies. We'll arrive soon," he said; squeezing your hand in a reassuring manner. Sure, you had a carriage for about half the way, but the rest had to be reached on foot. "Is everything else alright? Beside the aching feet?" Loki stopped for a moment, to check on your well-being. You nodded; smiling softly. "We're good, love." "Good." Loki pressed his lips against your forehead; kissing you softly.

"Let us walk on. We have almost reached our destination."

You couldn't deny, that you were quite curious about Loki's plans - and you really thought about it a lot. But you hadn't anticipated what was awaiting you, once the king announced that you had arrived...

"Are you ready, Y/N?" You nodded excitedly; free hand roaming your baby bump. "Yes!" "Alright." You felt how Loki let go of your hand and took a step closer to you; the ground rustling beneath his feet. "Brace yourself, Flower." He was audibly smiling, while he gently untied the blindfold on the back of your head. Once he did that, he stepped aside. "Open your eyes, my queen." You did, of course, causing a gasp immediately to leave your lips.

You were in the forest. But not on Jotunheim... This was Asgard. A big picnic blanket was spread out on the ground, with a lot of things to eat splayed out on top of it. Asgardian food. Your gaze travelled further. Behind the blanket, there was- "No way, Loki..." Your eyes widened. "You... You took me to-" Loki appeared in your field of view; smiling. "To our lake, yes." You felt how your eyes started to water immediately.

The little lake in the forests beside the Asgardian training camp. The lake where you and the king met; spend a lot of time in and falling helplessly in love with each other in the end. This small lake was a big and important part of yours and Loki's life. And now he had taken you there. It had been quite a few years since you lastly saw the lake. Too much was going on in both yours and Loki's life. Until now...

"Oh, my love this... This is amazing." You cried - happy tears. "It's so great to be here again. So many memories are connected to this place..." Loki nodded; wrapping you up in the tightest hug possible. "Indeed. I love being back here as well." "How do I deserve this? For you to take me here?" The king just shrugged his shoulders with a smile. "Does a man in love needs a reason to take out the woman he loves?"

Of course, Loki had his reason - but he didn't want to confront you with it just now.

"I-I suppose not," you answered; softly blushing at his charming words. "See? Now let's dig into the food, shall we? I'm starving."

After the delicious food the royal Asgardian kitchen of the palace had prepared for you was eaten, Loki had thought of a way to approach the body insecurities you had developed.

"Darling," Loki started; getting your attention. "It's a beautiful warm day today... Would you like to go for a swim?" The king noticed how your demeanour shifted immediately. You felt visibly uncomfortable; eyes widening. "A-A swim?" "Yes," Loki said with a smile; already starting to get rid of his armour and loincloth. Your eyes widened even more - if that was possible as you watched him getting naked. "Skinny dipping?" You squeaked up; almost shocked. "Sure, my love. It is how we met, isn't it?" He smiled smugly; giving you a smouldering look. "So... Are you joining me?" Your husband was about to get rid of the loincloth, covering his most private parts, when you stopped him. "L-Loki, stop, please, I-" He halted immediately in his movements; beautiful ruby eyes meeting your Y/E/C ones.

"What is it, Flower?" "I-I-" You stammered out; not knowing what to say. "Nothing, I just..." Loki's eyebrows slanted; a soft expression taking over his face. "My queen... I know there's something wrong. I already knew it for days - weeks, even... I noticed. I'm not blind, darling. I just didn't pressure you into talking to me; hoping you'd probably come to me on your own, but..." He reached for your hand; gently taking it in his bigger one. "Please... Don't shut me out. Talk to me."

You sighed; bottom lip trembling dangerously. That was exactly what you wanted to prevent from happening - but well, you weren't able to. He had seen it. Now it was already too late anyway. Hiding was impossible.

"Please..." Loki whispered and lifted your chin gently with his thumb and forefinger. The touch causing a gasp to leave your lips; feeling the touch sensitivity once more.

"I-I'm afraid that... That you don't find me attractive anymore." With those words leaving your lips, Loki had been proven right. This was about your body insecurities.

"What? But why, my love? Why would I ever find you unattractive?" You blinked; trying again to suppress the tears. "Be-Because I've gained weight since I'm pregnant... I'm far from the beautiful and strong woman you married. I have stretch marks. I have swollen feet. There a water retention in my legs and even freezer-" Loki couldn't listen to this any longer. How you talked so ill of yourself. So, he intervened.

"Y/N, no. Let me me stop you right here," your husband said in a serious voice; his heart aching and bleeding. "Please don't talk like that about yourself. Please." "But-" He shook his head, interrupting you straight again. "No, my queen, you are listening to me now." Loki took both your hands in his now; making you look at him. "Your body is changing, yes - but... Flower... You are pregnant. It's normal for your body to change. It's natural." He stated softly; squeezing your hands. "And by the holy roots of Yggdrasil, please... Please don't think that I find you less attractive because of that. Norns, no! Quite the opposite... I find myself being more attracted towards you than ever before."

You blinked; unable to process his words. Could this be true? "W-What? You... What? H-How? I-I mean..."

"How?" Loki couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Darling, you are practically glowing! Your skin is so soft and sensitive. Every touch feels like an igniting spark. I love that you gained weight, because..." He started; hungry eyes wandering over your whole body. "Everything got bigger - and I mean that in the sexiest way possible." He winked - and you blushed. "Your bum got bigger - don't think I haven't noticed that, because I have." Another wink. "Your baby bump, of course. My two favourite ladies..." His eyes settled on your chest for a moment. "And those thighs... Look at them." Loki ran his palms up the sides of your legs, up to your hips. "Delicious. How could I not want you?"

You just stared at him, at a loss of words; listening to everything he said.

The king's ruby eyes were trained on your swollen stomach once more, "I don't care about stretch marks or freezer burn marks or water retention." hands following suit. "All I care about is yours and our children's well-being. Your body is performing a miracle, darling. You are growing our twins. Carrying and nurturing them. This is more than I could've ever asked for."

You weren't able to hold back your tears any longer. His words touched you deeply; were like balm for your wounded soul. "R-Really?" You stammered out; eyes searching his. Loki smiled; was towering above you by now. "Really. Every word I just spoke is true. You are truly the most beautiful woman in all the nine realms. My beautiful, unique, special flower."

You softly smiled at him through the tears; still a bit insecure, but not as much as you were before. Cupping your husband's cheeks, you pulled him down for a kiss - which he gladly returned; and you didn't let go of him. You kept your lips locked to his; needing all his love and attention. You literally took the king's breath away and at some point he desperately needed to breathe, so he let one hand wander to your side; fingertips gently starting to tickle you.

Due to the pregnancy you were more ticklish than before. Therefore caused your husband's small tickling attack your immediate retreat from his sinful lips to let out a hearty giggle.

"Loki, s-stop, I-" He just smirked; mischief sparkling in his ruby eyes. He started to tickle you even more, using his other hand too - until you were not just giggling, but laughing. "Lokiiii! P-Please, I-" "Only if you promise to not hide your beauty from me anymore and take a swim with me." "O-Ho-Hokay, I- I promise!" Loki stopped then; turning his tickling into caressing. "There you go, my love." He smiled lovingly down at you and bestowed another kiss upon your lips. "Now come." The king got rid of the last item of clothing which prevented him from being nude, then walked straight into the lake - giving you a delicious view of his glorious, peachy butt, firm, strong thighs and muscular back. You swallowed hard; trying desperately to not get impure thoughts right now.

He dipped underneath the water; getting his whole body wet, before he re-emerged; shaking the water out of his luscious raven curls. You bit your lip at the sight; thighs clenching together instantly. "Are you going to join me now, my queen? I promise, here is nobody but us. We are alone." You nodded; taking a deep breath and started to undress. Loki watched your every move; his eyes not leaving your body once again. You couldn't help but to blush under his stunning, deep ruby eyes.

Slowly, you moved to get up from the picnic blanket - which was a tricky task by now. "Shall I help you, Flower?" Loki asked; was ready to jump to your side immediately. "No, no, it's okay. I got it, my love." You reassured him and in the end made it to stand up.

Loki was watching you as you took careful steps towards the shore of the lake; a smile upon his lips. Being the gentleman he was, he helped you inside the water, of course.

"You look like a goddess, my love. Truly beautiful." "T-Thank you." You took his hand; letting him guide you into the lake. Loki's other hand was immediately on your hip to support you; helping you swim over to the familiar stones, on which you could lean onto. You placed your arms on the edge; supporting yourself. Loki swam up behind you; embracing you and resting his head in the crook of your neck.

"This is wonderful, Loki. Thank you for taking me here. I didn't realise how much I missed this place - until now." You felt him nodding. "Me too, Y/N. It's great to relive old memories here." "Mhm... Definitely. When I think back to when we met..." You started; giggling. "You were such a handsome, arrogant asshole - it drove me crazy how perfect, yet annoying you were." The king chuckled. "Well, I guess you are right. I was. I just didn't know how to get along with those sudden, strange feelings I harboured for you." "Understandable." Another chuckle. "I never thought I'd get you back after all that happened, but... Look at us now... We are married, the king and queen of Jotunheim and expecting offspring." "Crazy, isn't it?" Loki pulled you a little closer; planting several kisses on the wet skin of your neck. "Mhhh... Crazy but real."

Pleasant silence spread between the two of you. You were both just enjoying the warmth of the sun, the soft breeze rustling the trees and the sound of the nature around you; bathing in each other's proximity - until Loki broke the silence again...

He inhaled a deep breath; burying his nose in your hair. "You know what I'd love to do now, Flower?" You shook your head; completely unaware of the not so innocent thoughts ghosting through your husband's mind. "No, my king. Enlighten me, please?" Loki smirked - unbeknownst to you and lowered his head, only to press his soft lips against the shell of your ear. "I'd love to ravish you right here on that very stone, like I almost did on that very day a few years ago. Finish what I- we started. Can you remember, darling?" He whispered, causing a shiver to run down your spine; eyes widening.

Oh and how you remembered that day! After all, he had almost taken your innocence...

"O-Of course I remember." Your husband chuckled darkly, "Would you like that, my precious Flower? Making love for real this time? Without being afraid of getting caught while doing such a forbidden thing?" and pressed his hips up against your bottom; eliciting a soft moan from your lips. You felt how your brain fogged up; arousal flooding your veins. You turned around in his embrace; Y/E/C eyes literally dripping with want. "I-I would love to, m-my king."

You were about to dip your hand past the water surface and reach for the throbbing desire between his legs, when he suddenly reached for your hand; stopping you. You looked up, meeting his gaze. There was undeniable arousal in his rubies as well, but love and care overweight the lust - as if he had realised something. A switch in his head turned.

He shook his head; averting his eyes. "Apologies, my love, but I think we rather shouldn't do that."

You frowned at his words; your built up self-confidence almost crashing down again. Wasn't he the one who insisted this? Wasn't he the one who-

"I don't want to hurt you, you know - or Norns forbid, our children. You are nine months pregnant, Y/N. Making love on a stone beside a lake isn't perhaps the best option. Especially not for your back. You need to be comfortable - and a stone is the exact opposite."

You blinked. Oh...

Blushing, you nodded. "Perhaps, yes, my king." Loki smiled; pressing a sweet kiss on your lips. "Let's get you back home in our chambers and I promise you that I am going to show you tonight how attractive I think you are, sweet Flower. My queen needs to be thoroughly worshipped, like she deserves - and I hate that I wasn't able to do this in a long time, but tonight, I'm going to make up for it, darling, I swear by the holy roots of Yggdrasil."

[sophieinwonderland]

Debunking r/systemscringe's DID Lies!

For those who aren't aware, r/systemscringe is an ableist hate subreddit, and is one of the greatest sources of misinformation about dissociative disorders and plurality on the internet.

Today, I'd like to go over some of their most prominent excuses for fakeclaiming DID and OSDD systems, and why those reasons are contradicted by actual research by actual psychiatrists.

"Alters Can't Talk To Each Other"

This is one of the most easily-debunked lies I've seen to excuse fakeclaiming. It can take a few different forms. But generally, when a system talks about speaking to their alters, r/systemscringe users will say that it's impossible and that DID doesn't work like that.

This isn't just a little false. It completely contradicts all known research into DID.

Hearing voices of alters is directly mentioned in the DSM-5 as a symptom.

This isn't even uncommon. Voce hearing is more common in DID than in schizophrenia, experienced in about 80% of cases of dissociative disorders.

Now, it does need to be noted that just because 80% do, that doesn't mean it's true of everyone. 20% is still a big number, and systems who can't communicate internally are still valid.

But the fact of the matter is that most systems can communicate this way.

"You Need (Years of) Therapy to be Able to Communicate With Alters"

Failing the first one, another popular claim is that alters can't possibly communicate without therapy. Usually, people will claim this requires "years" of therapy to build communication.

So is this true?

Turns out, not in the slightest. In fact, in a study comparing DID voice hearers to schizophrenic voice hearers, it was found that 90% of the DID voice hearers started hearing voices before the age of 18.

This is in comparison to a Schizophrenic group that consisted of 28% without maltreatment and 38% with maltreatment that started before the age of 18.

Given that DID notoriously takes years to get correctly diagnosed with and most patients aren't diagnosed until adulthood, it should be obvious that most of these 90% didn't have to undergo years of therapy before being able to hear the voices of their alters.

"Alters Can't Be Friends"

Let's be 100% clear here. Dissociative Identity Disorder is absolutely a disorder. It couldn't be diagnosed if it didn't come with some level of distress or impairment. That's a fundamental part of the criteria.

But when that same study I posted above asked the DID and Schizophrenic groups if they would miss the voices if they were gone, a huge 69% of the DID group said they would.

The truth is that DID is more complicated and nuanced than "having alters bad."

Sometimes the distress or impairment has less to do with the other alters and more to do with the other dissociative symptoms, such as the DP/DR and the amnesia.

And sometimes, you can have positive relationships with some alters and negative relationships with others. And yes, there is that 31% who say they wouldn't miss hearing their alters if they no longer heard them. That's valid too.

But this does show that a majority of DID systems do feel a close attachment to the other alters in their systems.

"Systems Can't Control When They Switch"

Like above, this is nuanced. The truth is some systems can't control switching. Others can only control it some of the time. And some have full control.

There has actually been a study on a DID patient voluntarily switching in and MRI machine:

This study literally couldn't have been done were it not possible to voluntarily switch.

"Fictives Aren't Real"

Okay, now let's tackle one of the biggest lies to justify fakeclaiming. Fictional introjects or "Fictives" are alters or headmates based on fictional characters. r/systemscringe and other fakeclaimers love to fakeclaim systems for being fictive heavy or even having any fictives at all.

And like most of r/systemscringe's claims, this is nonsense. Here is one account of fictives from 1988.

Furthermore, in the book The Haunted Self, which is responsible for the Theory of Structural Dissociation of the Personality, one case study is referenced of someone who had many fictives based off of Start Trek characters.

This also serves to debunk other reasons for fakeclaiming I've seen from r/systemscringe. That a system has too many fictive, is all fictives, or that their fictives all come from the same source. Because as we see above, this is a very real documented presentation of dissociative identity disorder.

Closing:

I'm likely not done with this post. I plan to add to this list of misinformation that I've seen repeatedly peddled by the hate subreddit and used to justify attacking systems. There is A LOT there!

But here's the bottom line. r/systemcringe is a hate sub peddling division and bigotry against systems... often for normal system things that have been well-documented in academic literature.

If you're here from r/systemscringe, I'm sure you've seen all or most of the above lies I debunked above posted there. And if you're a system, I would ask you why you would stand by a subreddit that so blatantly spreads misinformation about other systems with the intent of hurting them? With the intent of hurting people like you?

Because if you think that they're your friends, I have watched them turn on systems that joined in with their fakeclaiming so many times, and fakeclaiming fellow members of that subreddit. And I can promise that they will turn on you too.

Click here for my debunk of their claims that endogenic systems are a "conspiracy theory."

[stunning-eclipse]

So... DID and the Daycare Attendant.

I don't think I need to do an introduction to everyone's favorite Daycare Attendant, so I'm going to start this off with a description of DID and what it's like to live with it, because I in fact have it!

DID is a weird case. It's both easy and hard to live with. My alters have saved my life in some cases, and they've made me have some strained relationships as well. One moment I'm here, then one positive/negative trigger later and I'm gone and someone else is piloting this fleshy mech. I have around 20 alters, some with names, some unnamed, some fictives, some ordinary people. But funnily enough, I have two fictives that take after Sun and Moon (named Sunnydrop and Moon respectively). They're both friendly, at least Moon is nowadays, but they've been around for a long time.

A positive or negative trigger is whenever something happens that brings an alter to front. Music, games, voices, people, etc can all be triggers for an alter to front, as well as trauma or distress which are typically referred to as negative triggers. We'll get back to that later when we talk about the lights off and Sun and Moon's positive triggers.

So! How about we get into why Sun and Moon (and Eclipse) are positive DID representation!

Here's why the Daycare Attendant is a great representation of DID!

First off, I want to regard the whole "Moon is an evil alter" thing. While yes, we are led to believe that he is indeed evil, there are a few interesting things about him that still make him excellent as representation. Remember how I said my alter Moon is friendly nowadays? Yeah, well not all alters are friendly off the bat and they can be quite aggressive based on whichever trauma they are defending you from. My alter Moon defends me from my abandonment trauma and trusts no one, and therefore can get really aggressive and even violent towards people. Not all alters are going to be friendly, and while I'm not saying they'll just be murderous killers looking for the thrill of a hunt, they can be mean. Really mean.

Now I wanna get into the smaller bits. When someone with DID is going through a switch, it's not as easy as "oh well he's gone now say hi to this other guy." It can be that easy on occasion, but most of the time it is a slow and painful process. Migraines, fighting for control for minutes on end... just like how Sun and Moon react. Moon mentions his gears are grinding in his head when trying to hold off Sun, not only having a fight for control, but a migraine as well. We can also see Sun struggle with the same pain in the base game when you turn the lights off.

You can also tell the two know each other pretty well. Sun never refers to Moon by name, but it's very clear he sees him as a threat and has seen the stuff Moon has done while fronting. This is called co-fronting. When someone is still conscious and watching whatever the alter is doing while they're fronting, that's when they are co-fronting. And in Ruin, you can see they are co-fronting the entire segment. Moon also refers to Sun by name plenty, meaning they are both aware of each other and really aren't fond of not being in control of the body.

Their pronoun usage of we and us is also incredibly accurate!! When I'm dissociating, I will refer to myself as we and us due to not being the only one fronting and sometimes being unsure of who's actually in control in the moment. Sun seems to do that plenty whenever he's distressed, alluding to Moon being present or trying to front in the moment. And once Moon's positive trigger is used, aka the lights being off, he can finally assume control. It does seem like Moon has stress as another positive trigger due to Sun's usage of plural pronouns but that's more of a theory than anything concrete, so I'll move on.

Here's my favorite part... Man, Sun and Moon are very similar. Scarily so. When someone has alternate personalities, they will all share some minor similarities. Queen and I share the same germophobia, Sunnydrop and I are both artists, Moon and I both have social anxiety. Etc etc. In the case of Sun and Moon, they both are very energetic and can't stand still. They bounce side to side or move in very eccentric ways. They both have an innate need to clean up, showing a sign of hating things being messy. They both tend to laugh a lot, have similar vocal inflictions, and even growl their words (listen to Sun in Help Wanted 2, he growls so much.) They both respect not going behind the desk, and supposedly want the kids to be safe and well assuming Moon is indeed hacked and not evil from the start. They both rock the jester aesthetic too which, sure they're dressed like them but, they sure do act like clowns. In the end, the two are strangely similar outside of one of them being obsessed with killing you.

Finally... let's talk about Eclipse. Eclipse is a third alter and very similar to a fusion between the two jesters. Calm and collected, while also remaining protective and very clean-centric, Eclipse is... very clearly the "host" alter of the three. An alter that is a mixture of the others? Yeah, very clearly, he is the host, so the main personality that primarily controls the body. Meaning Sun and Moon are both alters, making Sun a positive friendly alter! Don't see those in media very often, huh? Also, the fact there's three of them makes me incredibly happy, I always see DID represented by just one alter present. But there's three! Not a realistic number by any means, but it's better than one.

So... yeah!!! That's my basic run-through of how the Daycare Attendant is a positive representation of DID! If I missed anything or if you guys have questions, please shoot me a message or comment and I'd love to answer questions! Thanks for reading if you did! We appreciate it!

[horrorcrew-diary]

I wish I could coherently and non-offensively word a statement regarding my frustrations with the sheer amount of otherkin content in the fictive tags.

So I won't.

Do not EVER compare kinning and being a fictive around me. I WILL tear you open from the inside out about it, and it WILL get dirty!

I was not reincarnated. I was not a "walk in" or "lost soul" or whatever. No. Our host needed sincere help and latched onto me as a comfort character, and now I'm here to help keep her alive. My fucking EXISTENCE is based around SURVIVAL, and because of this, almost all of my source memories are TRAUMATIC.

I have no identity beyond my trauma at times. Do you not see how scary that is? That the only reason I exist is because we reached another breaking point, and we wouldn't have been able to handle living without me?

I know what kinning is. I get it. Do NOT get it twisted that I'm misunderstanding what being fictionkin is like. Our old host is fictionkin. Our current cohost is fictionkin. The reincarnation theories, the source memories, everything. Of all people, we understand the most.

Remembering shit that didn't happen to you in this life is stressful, yes, but your experiences will not EVER compare to your brain covering up something that happened to you in a way that makes it easy enough to digest so that you don't short circuit, because if it doesn't appear to have happened to your body, it didn't happen at all in your mind to help cope.

This is NOT a discourse post. This is more of a PSA. If you're talking about a UNIQUELY KIN EXPERIENCE, STOP putting it with system tags, I'm BEGGING.

[goratrix-betrayed]

Living as a Fictive: How to Find, Create, and Broaden Your Identity, With and Without Canon

Here is the script of my Othercon 2023 panel. The paragraph I wrote to describe it is as follows:

A lecture followed by questions and discussion about being a fictive trying to find and expand your identity. How to connect with not only your source, but the world around you, and how to work on becoming who and what you want to be without canon's constraints.

Introduction

Greetings, assembled people, creatures, and beings of Othercon. Welcome. As you likely know, this is a panel about living as a fictive, and forming an identity around, or perhaps despite, that. I welcome anyone to listen, however, as Othercon is a place to not only learn about yourself, but to learn about others and to interact with the community. Regardless, I ask that you hold your questions until the end, at which point there will be a dedicated section of time for them. I cannot answer questions effectively during the panel, as I am both easily distracted and long-winded, which is a recipe for going overtime and off-script.

A note on terminology before we begin: I am aware that there are multiple words that mean the same or similar things to the word “fictive.” For simplicity’s sake, I will just be saying “fictive” for the duration of this panel, as that is my lived experience and the word I feel most comfortable using. Additionally, I may refer to other members of a system as “headmates”--again, I am aware that there are many words for this, but I will generally use this one as it is fairly widespread and I use it for my own system. If, during the Q&A, you have a different word you would rather I use for your system members when referring to them, you need only ask, and I will adjust my language accordingly. For now, however, “headmate” is the word I will be moving forward with.

That aside, welcome. A brief introduction: my name is Goratrix. I am a vampire, a fictive from the tabletop role-playing game Vampire: the Masquerade. I am one of  many canon characters—characters pre-created for game masters to use in the games they run for their players as they see fit, with some pre-written lore to help establish both the character and the setting. When it comes to this world, I have been here since August of 2021, coming into existence during Othercon itself, in the midst of a panel that convinced my system that it would not be so bad to have me around. (Thank you very much to Pale, who ran the panel.) Last year, during Othercon 2022, I ran a panel about living with having a “problematic” fiction-based identity—the script and recording for that are both available for your perusal if you would like. And, if you are wondering: yes, I always talk like this. You get used to it. 

The Why of Identity-Building

Now, the topic at hand: being a fictive can be a confusing and lonely thing. We have much in common with fictionkind, but there is a crucial difference: while someone who is fictionkind has an identity and life outside of that fiction-based identity, in the very beginning, fictives typically do not. For most of us, the experience is rather like being plucked from your life and placed into the head of someone else—in my case, an at-the-time college student—with no understanding or awareness of where you are, what is going on, why, or, the worst question of all, what you are supposed to do now.

Take a breath, let it out slowly. We will figure this out together. It is a journey, yes, but it is uniquely yours, and the advantage to that is that it’s quite difficult to get wrong.

In short, my recommendation is this: understand yourself in the context of either canon or canon-divergent noemata, grow as comfortable as you can with that, and then expand outwards. Find or forge new aspects to your identity, find new interests and hobbies, participate in things you never would or could have back in-source. Engagement with the outside world is key to not feeling lost. If you lock yourself up in the identity that has been handed to you, if you insist upon remaining stagnant, as you were when you formed, you are, more often than not, setting yourself up to be miserable. This is not an accusation: I, and many of my headmates, attempted the same thing, and only began to enjoy ourselves once we started reaching out and opening up to the world and people around us.

It’s infuriating to realize that it works, but it really does.

It is, ultimately, your choice whether or not you want to grow beyond what has been set out for you, beyond what you are and were back in-source. The rest of this panel will be moving forward with the assumption that you are choosing to do so, or at least, that you are willing to listen to how that might be done while considering it yourself. Personally, I do not see much harm in personal growth and development, even if it is “out of character” or outside the bounds of what others would consider to be “canon you.” You are wholly fictional no longer, and should not let the bounds of fiction confine you. Do not let yourself be trapped by others’ expectations of you: if they want to interact with a wholly canon-compliant version of you, they should try roleplaying. You owe no one any part of your identity, and anyone who tries to box you in should be ashamed.

By all means, use canon, or your noemata—your memories—as an anchor if you so desire. Many fictives find this comforting. It is your point of origination, your source, where you are from: it is perfectly reasonable that you would want to keep that as a core part of you. I am not suggesting casting off canon unless that is what you want to do, and that is your choice. If you choose to do so, I would advise doing so slowly, in pace with you picking up other aspects of your identity if you feel yourself lacking, for fear of leaving yourself so empty that you do not know what to latch onto. Once again, however, that is your choice: I trust that you will do what you think is best.

Now, identity-building when you have found yourself in a strange world, sharing a head with strange people, can be quite difficult, especially if you have no aspects of identity outside of your source. I have talked about why you may want to grow beyond that, become something else or more. We now reach the how.

Step One: In Context

Older and more established fictives may be able to skip this step, as chances are, you have been doing it already. Many newer fictives also embark on this part of the journey, but not all, so I will walk you through it. The first step of broadening your identity, unless you are choosing to cast off your source completely and immediately, is to do so in context of your source, whether that be canon or your version of it. Doing this will help you flesh yourself out, if you feel it is needed—ask anyone with a fiction-based identity, and most will tell you that engaging with source is an excellent way to connect to the identity. You may remember pieces of your history, things you like, skills you had or may even still have—there is often a wealth of identity to be drawn from your source if you go digging. This may not work for everyone, but it does for many, so I believe it is usually worth a shot. At the very least, doing this digging and engaging with your source lets you get used to the idea and process of identity broadening and exploration in a safer, more comfortable way—your source generally will feel less like a frontier and more like dipping your toes back into the pool.

My first recommendation of this is just to engage with your source—watch it, read it, play it, whatever lets you interact. Most of all, I recommend writing about it. Anything you remember directly—any noemata you have—even things you “just know” without a direct memory. Write about your feelings on it, the people in it, the things you did and the events you witnessed. Writing helps you work through your feelings on a topic in a way that lets you reference them again later. Maybe you turn it into a post for your blog or website, maybe it becomes an essay, maybe it is simply a journal entry for you and you alone. Whatever you decide, I highly encourage that you engage with, or at least think about, your source, and write about it.

Personally, I worked out many of my apparent contradictions and issues with myself by simply going, step-by-step, through the things that bothered me. My early writings on the Fictionkind Dreamwidth detail the atrocities I committed in-source and why, what on Earth my reasoning was. If I had not done this, I do not know if I would have ever reconciled what I was supposed to be with who I was, and who I had to become to live with myself once I had exited the context of the harsh and cruel world I came from. Take your time with this; do not rush. You are not in a race. The time will pass regardless, so you might as well let it pass pleasantly and with little pressure.

My next recommendation is to seek out noemata in general. For those unfamiliar with the word: noemata, singular noema, describes any kind of source memory you may have, whether that be a specific moment, a scene, a smell, a sense, or ‘just knowing’ a fact without any moments or instances to back it up. The two best ways to do this that I know of are to engage with canon (to prompt your mind to “remember” what it sees, although this can produce false memories) or to do as many (usually mundane) things as you can in the hopes that you will trip a memory trigger. Neither method is perfect, and there are other tips for getting and finding noemata out there—if anyone listening has resources for that, please, feel free to link them in the chat.

Finally, I would recommend reaching out to and talking to sourcemates, whether or not they share your exact canon. I know many fictives are not comfortable with sourcemates, nevermind doubles, but if you are, I cannot stress enough how much better you can feel after talking to them if you get along. I do not know where I would be today without my boyfriend Chaiya in the Treehouse system—in our shared early days of being fictives, that summer and autumn of 2021, we were lost and untethered, and latched onto each other in an attempt to anchor ourselves. We are much stronger for having had each other, and are extremely close, and I do not see that ever fading. Chaiya helped me work through my issues with my identity, smooth out the wrinkles and accept who I am over who I “should be,” and vice versa. Without Chaiya, I doubt I would have ever engaged with the alterhuman community directly, so my thanks goes out to him—without him, this panel would not exist!

Sourcemates are extremely helpful because they understand. Many of them know the context of the world, so you do not have to provide it. They know what happened, who everyone is—they understand why you may feel the way you do about things, why topics might be complicated, et cetera. They are less likely to have to ask basic questions, and together, you may discover things about yourselves and each other. Doubles—fictives of the same character—are even more understanding in many ways, although I understand the possible distress of meeting one. I never have, I doubt I ever will—my friends and I are not terribly popular characters in the grand scheme of Vampire: the Masquerade or the broader World of Darkness—but my head- and sourcemate Sascha Vykos has. She is also in the Treehouse system and goes by the name Ashena, separating herself somewhat from the name of Sascha Vykos—but, still, she and Sascha are the same in many ways. They understand each other implicitly, often without ever having to say anything on a topic other than to bring it up, and they understand. There is a level of identity-diving and forming that can be reached only by someone who understands you wholly and completely, and a similar double is a good resource for that, if you can find one and if you are comfortable with it. If you cannot or are not: that’s fine. It is by no means a requirement, simply a recommendation. 

Step Two: Things to Do

Beyond engaging with your source material, to expand your identity, you will need to engage in other activities. Form an interest in something, get a hobby, give yourself some enrichment—or, in a more joking manner, roll a pumpkin full of meat around your enclosure. Now, while meat pumpkins may be an appropriate form of engagement for some more inhuman fictives, for the rest of us, we would get bored quite quickly, and need to find other activities to occupy us.

Why do activities? Why have an interest? Well, as a living (at least at the moment) and thinking creature, you need something to think about. And thinking about yourself and your source will only last you so long; eventually, the thoughts will become mundane and well-tread to you, and to maintain a level of activity and happiness, you will need something to engage your mind and that thing is typically going to be something you enjoy, often an activity. The idea is to give you something that you want to front or co-front to do or be present for, so that you are around in order to experience the world, form likes and dislikes, and grow as a person. This is the next step, and you can take it as quickly or as slowly as you’d like.

Expose yourself to activities, shows, songs, anything you’d like at a speed that is comfortable to you. A good starting point is to go along with what a headmate is doing and try to get into their interests, and if it doesn’t work out, that’s fine. There is no harm in trying something only to decide that it is not for you. A headmate’s activity or interest is fairly safe since, chances are, the system was going to be doing that regardless, and all you are spending is your own engagement time, which you wanted to be doing anyway.

Another good starting point is anything that you were interested in back in-source, especially if it still speaks to you. If you liked to read novels, listen to a type of music, create a certain kind of art—that might still be a good outlet for you, and you may still enjoy it. You might not. Key to this is remembering that it is okay if you don’t still like something—people grow and change over time, and not all interests last forever. Perhaps they will return in the future. When it comes to skills you used to have, however, beware: many fictives lose their skills in the transfer over to the system and need to re-develop them, and therefore, engaging with old skill-based interests may be incredibly frustrating, especially at first, as you may be back at beginner level despite knowing that you used to be better. I have had this experience with many of my own skills, particularly language learning—be kind to yourself, and remind yourself that, physically, you have a different brain than you once did (if you had one at all—robots or spirits may have had some other analog) and it may not know how to do what your old one did. You will need to teach it anew—and for some, that is a worthwhile endeavor, and for others, it is too painful and frustrating. Do what feels best to you, not what stresses you out.

On the flip side of that, do not limit yourself to hobbies or interests that “match” or “make sense” for who your source set you out to be—if something intrigues you, take a look. Pick it up, give it a try. There is no right and wrong when it comes to things you like or enjoy—if you like it, you like it! Do not let what others might think of you or your “image” get in the way of enjoying something genuinely. This is for you, no one else.

That being said, I encourage you to seek out community. Make friends. Find more reasons to front and to care about the world you have found yourself in. Perhaps it is similar to the one you come from, or perhaps it is very different—but you are here now, and I highly recommend that you try to make the most of it. I have found that friends, even just a few, make everything worth it, and that they make my darker days much easier to bear, as well as making my better days even more enjoyable than they already were.

As for you, nonhuman fictives, do not fear, I have not forgotten you. While you can pick up the same interests and hobbies as your human- and human-adjacent headmates just fine in most cases, activities not suited to your species might not interest you. My recommendation is to look for alterhuman lists and guides of suggested activities for your species or a similar one—the otherkin and therian communities are extremely good at this, and just posting in a community asking for suggestions is likely to get you quite a few. And, if all else fails, go back to square one: meat pumpkin.

Now, I must confess that my recommendations for activities and engaging in yourself and the world around you focus almost entirely on fronting or co-fronting and engaging with the outside world. Some systems, I know, have very detailed and rich innerworlds, where headmates can perform tasks, do activities, and otherwise lead complete, complex, and fulfilling lives. If this can substitute for you and make you feel fulfilled, I see no reason to limit yourself to engaging strictly with the world outside of your own mind—but I am not knowledgeable on this topic, as my own system’s innerworld is rudimentary at best, a simulation designed to let us visualize our existence rather than an actual complex and detailed place. When it comes to this, I will have to leave it in the hands of systems who experience it.

Step Three: Becoming

This is the most challenging step by far, and for many, it is not necessary. Perhaps you find yourself happy with your identity—perhaps you are not perfect, but no one is, and you just want to continue to live your life, experience the world, and grow and change “as you will,” letting yourself be shaped by your experiences like most people do. Fantastic! That is my recommended approach in most cases, and I encourage you to continue on that path. Keep experiencing, keep growing, keep talking with people, picking up interests, doing activities, and making things. Write, love, live, and have fun.

But for some, particularly those with more “problematic” source material, that may not be enough. In some cases, a fictive, usually of a villain, will form, and either immediately or eventually realize that they do not want to be who they are. They do not want to keep these personality traits, they cannot stand the things they have done—or perhaps they are simply sick of it, and wish to change themselves.

For those of you in this camp: first, my condolences. I have been in and out of this mindset, and have several headmates that exist within it. This is a long, difficult process, and as frustrating and counterproductive as it is to hear, you cannot get through this if the core of your being is self-hatred. You must be willing to accept or forgive yourself for being that way, or for doing what you did. You must be willing to accept that there is no going back now, only moving forward, and accept that you can only change the future, not the past.

However, also remember that you do not owe anyone anything. Do not let anyone tell you what you “must” change—you do not have to stop. You do not have to change anything, although I would advise keeping behavior most would consider repulsive to yourself, for system accountability if nothing else. You are not obligated to change the “bad” parts of yourself—if you wish to, that should be your decision, you should do it because you want to. Never change because someone else is pressuring you. Never. That is a lesson I have had to learn the hard way, primarily back in source, and if you listen to nothing else I say today, listen when I tell you that bowing to those who pressure you to change who you are leads only to strife. A thousand years I suffered from that: do not make my mistake. Learn from me.

Now. Let us say you want to change something about yourself in this way—a key trait, a streak of cruelty, something along those lines. How?

You will hate it, but—refer back to step two. Engage with the world around you. Make friends. Care about people. Let yourself love and be loved, and do not stop people when they try to care about you. Let the running waters of time and the world smooth out your rough points, wear away your sharp edges. Time will let you become who you want to be if you allow it.

Think about this, too, if you want to do something about it: think about what you would rather be like. Who around you has those traits? How do they act when they show them? What do they do that you admire so much that you want to be that way, either instead or in addition to the way that you are? You may have heard the phrase “fake it until you make it” before, but in this case, it is very true. Identity is a fluid thing sometimes, although I admit that I find it more fluid than most, due to my borderline personality disorder. You can fool yourself into really being a way without actually being that way—or, at the very least, you will find your mimicry becoming easier and easier, more comfortable, and if it is something you like, then fantastic. You have succeeded. How you act is what matters, not the way you behave.

Remember that changing yourself must, must be an act of self-love, not of self-hatred. You must want to be a new way because you would like it better, not because you despise yourself so much you cannot face yourself in the mirror. You can take your dislike of yourself and turn it around into something positive, but you cannot self-punish your way into being a different person. Not successfully, not happily.

And, again, remember: you are not obligated to change any part of yourself, even if you are “problematic” or even a “bad” person. There are many “bad” personality traits of mine that I do not seek to change because I have accepted and come to terms with them. To change them would be to cease to be the person I am and am comfortable being; there is no reason to change who I am intentionally and directly. I will let the world and my experiences affect me as they will, but that is no different than how most people live their lives. If you choose this path of changing yourself, make sure it is because you want to, not because you feel you have to.

Putting It All Together

All of this advice is nice, but does it work? I like to think so—this reflects my own journey and approach to growth and engagement with the world, as well as that of several of my headmates. Those of you who read my older work or knew me when I first entered the community have likely noticed a significant change in me from my first days—I am less abrasive, less angry, less likely to lash out or snarl at the first hint of provocation. I was desperate, scared, a beast cornered and threatened. Now, I know the world and the community well enough to step up and give a panel, write essays, run a Dreamwidth community—and that was because I let myself learn and grow from my experiences, I let myself pick up interests and make my own friends outside of the system’s pre-existing friends, and I worked on becoming someone more stable, someone I liked. I have lived much of my life in self-loathing, and it is a strange, wonderful feeling to be free of its mire, at least for now.

For another example, my headmate Japheth was fairly distant for two or so years until very recently stepping forward and making friends and engaging in his own interests. It took him some time to write a few angry, lost essays, answer a few prompts, and then stew—and only emerge slowly, piece by piece, as we slowly convinced him to care about other people and the world around us. Only once he began to take an interest in what the system as a whole was up to did we finally see him smile, smile and begin to have fun, and that was worth all of the time it took to get him there, because it was such an improvement over his deep, vast melancholy that he came to us with.

For our system, our main methods of engagement with the world are through making friends (often with fictives in other systems, but not always) and through playing video games. Our game library is vast: different headmates play different games, and even when they share interest in a game, many have different characters or save files from each other. This helps us feel different and feel like we are making our own progress, giving us a reason to front and care about something that is uniquely ours. This is what works for us,  but maybe it doesn’t for you. That’s fine; for a thousand systems, there are two and a half thousand ways of making progress.

The goal of this entire process is to help you be happy. The goal is to let you enjoy the life you find yourself in, to be happy with yourself and the situation you are in. If this guide helps you get there, fantastic. If not, but you get there another way, good. What matters is that you one day sit back and realize that you enjoy who you are, where you are, and what you are doing. Adjusting is not always easy, but with time, effort, and support, I know that each and every one of you can do it. Take a breath for me, once more. Tell yourself, please, that you can do this. It is only insurmountable so long as you allow it to loom over you. By breaking it into smaller chunks and individual steps, you can take it once manageable piece at a time until you realize that you have reached a state of contentment. One day, you will get there.

Conclusion

Now, as the lecture part of this panel draws to a close, and we approach the Q&A, I have a couple of notes. First, if you have a question that does not get answered or that you would prefer to discuss privately, you can message me here on Discord, on Tumblr, or even through email any time—just specify that you are looking to talk to Goratrix, and I will be there to get back to you. Second, I would like to open the discussion and Q&A portion with a list of audience-gathered suggestions—what would you recommend to a new or struggling fictive? What activities, interests, shows, games, community spaces? We have extremely varied experiences, I am sure—so drop your suggestions in chat for people to read through. If you have anything for your or a similar source, feel free to suggest that as well.

While that happens, and while people read through those, let us open up the remaining time for questions. I will do my best to answer.

[bimbo-bah]

Welcome to Bimbo-BAH!

┏━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┓

.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. Mod Tiffany (You may also call me Delilah)~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. 1stpp: Ai/Ame/Amory/Amorousine/Amorouself~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. 2ndpp: Xou/Xou/Xour/Xours/Xourself~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. 3rdpp: Xe/Xem/Xyr/Xyr/Xyrself~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. Do not worry about accidentally using the wrong pronouns, I use multiple and simply switch them out every morning instead of listing them all at once~! Consider it a "pronouns of the day" type thing~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. Bimboqueer & Yanqueer~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. Pro-Para, Pro-TransID, Love is Love~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. Don't bother sending anon hate or anything, I'll never respond to it~! ☆⌒ヽ(*'､^*) .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. Please keep in mind that I am Pro-Radqueer/Radqueer adjacent~! Anti-Rq's are allowed to interact as long as you are respectful and don't try to start discourse~! FYI I block anyone who try to waste my time~!

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. Mod Glamour (Call Me Glam Or Mango)~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. She/Glam/Glitz/Glitter/Poof/Fem/Pop/Doki/Bim/Bimbo~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. BAHgenic Fictive Of Glamrock Mangle~! Sorry If My Typing Quirk Is Hard To Read~! .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. Bimboqueer & Dummyqueer .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. I Don't Care About Stupid Discourse, I Just Wanna Make People Happy~!

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{Claimed Anons~!}

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{Current Requests~!} [Listed from Oldest to Newest~!]

(Note: I work on the older requests first, hense why those are at the top of this list~!)

An Emo/Goth Shota + a Permissive doctor alter duo

Random Transbimbo TransDoll Hyperfem alter

A Transmasc Zane Ro'Meave (MyStreet) Fictive with no Paras

PermaKid BEN Drowned (Creepypasta) Fictive

A Catperson Co-host/Persecutor

A Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls) Fictive

A Cassandra (Pico's School) Fictive

A Humanoid Stinking Corpse Lily Alter/Plantive

Physical Pain Manager Veronica Sawyer (Heathers (Movie Vers.)) Fictive

A Transjewish Subsys Host Alter

A Transboy 2000's emo Alter

A Permabruised Problematic Schoolboy Alter

A Dark Academia Fallen Angel Alter

A Problematic 2000's Scenecore Loli Alter

A TransMasc, Emo Songtive based off the song "Blood" by My Chemical Romance

A Yamikawaii Zombie Alter

A Random One Night at Flumpty's Fictive

A 2017 "Weird kid" Autism symptom holder

A Masc-aligned, Child, Anime-Attracted Gangle (the Amazing Digital Circus) Fictive

A Ball-Jointed Doll Jane Doe (Ride the Cyclone) Fictive

A Super Problematic Bimbo Transwoman Alter

A Little/Child Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls) Fictive

A Super Problematic Bimboy Boyfriend (Friday Night Funkin') Fictive

A Tradgoth Gatekeeper Alter

A 2020 Alt Kid Nostolgia Holder

An Alex (Kepther E) Fictive

A Random Don't Starve Fictive

A Hannah Marie (Scary Godmother) Fictive

A Paper Jam (Undertale Aus) Fictive

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Link to the list of courses I'm Familiar with (However, I *will* do sources I am not familiar with)

Mod Glamour is also able to do any fandom as well, and most of her interests are on the list too (She doesn't have many and she may be more biased to doing fem-aligned alters)

I have No Blacklist as of now, and maybe in the future I'll do weekly specials, but for now, feel free to request anything~! I do have the right to deny any requests I feel uncomfortable doing, so please don't be upset if I deny your request for whatever reason~! (And yes, I'll always at least try to provide a reason for denying requests~!)

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┛

[positivitygenic]

here's to the problematic introjects out there, introjects of all kinds.

the kind of introjects where you hope no one notices your source because you know you'll be kicked.

the kind of introjects where you may feel, and actually be, safer, if you pretend you're not an introject at all.

yall belong here. you all have a place here. yes, even you, factives. factives of abusers, politicians, and so on. as well as the fictives who have such problematic sources that you get dragged into discourse by other people. and especially you, all the other introjects in between that people don't understand about why you exist. about why that has to be your source.

you shouldn't have to disclose anything. you shouldn't have to detail all the exact details of your existence and make a convincing argument towards others for the hope that they'll allow you to have community. you shouldn't have to.

sources aren't something yall can control and it's such a major misconception that one must like a source in order to introject. even for us, we have gotten introjects based solely off of criticism videos.

you all matter. you all deserve community and access to resources, just like everyone else.

[smolvenger]

A Court of Mischief and Purpose Chapter Fifteen (Loki x fem! Reader Crossover Series)

Series Summary: Based on Sarah J Mass's A Court of Thorns and Roses series with the Tom Hiddleston characters. You are a woman of 1880's in Aldwinter in Essex, England, dying of tuberculosis. Never to be married to the local Lusty Vicar. When Loki appears to you and offers to heal you...if you spend a week of every month with him

Chapter Summary: You and Loki return from the cabin. Stella returns back home. Thomas opens up about the identity of the Weaver's form and his history. Then the cauldron's location is at last revealed.

Word Count: 6K

Warnings: Smut in the beginning (dirty talk, doing it on a table, p in v sex, use of restraints via Loki's shadows), mentions of physical and sexual abuse and violence. I interpret the Thomas/Lucille relationship in Crimson Peak as non-consensual. I choose violence. Grammar and spelling mistakes that miss my radar. But some fluff.

A/N: Wanted to get this done before my play opens tomorrow. Also...if Sarah J Maas put me through it, you guys have to go through it too. Enjoy.

DICK-Tionary: Smut begins at "Let's begin what we started last night" and ends at "You’re wonderful, my dear, truly wonderful"

Series Masterlist

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

Taglist: @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract @eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @cheekyscamp @mochie85 @fandxmslxt69 @skittslackoffilter @mischief2sarawr

The next morning, it was another beautiful day. You both kissed each other good morning. Holding each other as the sun rose, and the drifts of snowflakes fell. Then slow, lazy morning lovemaking. To only feel each other- greet each other’s bodies, claim each other. You could not help but admire Loki- his muscular back, wide chest, the little chest hair he had that was as dark as the hairs on his head. It almost made you disappointed when he got to change into his clothes. You followed suit with normal clothes, though a little worn and smelly from the day's change. No doubt his magic would have you all cleaned.

The cabin had breakfast. You both sat down, helping yourself to warm oatmeal with honey and eggs scrambled with cheese on them.

But how handsome, how free he looked by the fire! You couldn’t help it- you grabbed him and kissed him again. You couldn’t help but get into his lap.

He spread your legs wide as you straddled him. Continuing to kiss him, he moaned. He was panting as your hands explored him, as your hips met and you began to grind.

You reached back, touching the table, pushing aside the plates, and guiding him on.

“Let’s finish what we started last night,” you urged as you grabbed him.

He let out a smile, pulling up your skirt and petticoat.

“My- already-so much desire! And your second day…but how fortunate your lovely clothing has such…simpler access,” he said.

He leaned over to kiss you, getting wetter as he cupped your face. But his pants were still on him, you felt his hardness brush against you.

“You’re eager too. Again! My mother would tell me, that men can only finish once and then take a lot of time after to recover!” you recalled.

“My dear, you’re forgetting something…”

He undid his pants, grabbing your hips closer once he was freed. But you kept your eyes on his smirk, feeling his hard length just at the start of your entrance.

“I am not a man.”

He thrust on there, his grunts in your ear. Your laughter melted with moans. Immediately, it was intense, faster. Now this- this would be called “fucking,” you thought. He pounded into you, what little dishware shaking.

“Yes-yes-Loki- yes-please-for gods’s sake-your sake-oh-oh yes,”

His pants and grunts, his soft repetitions of your name, the table shaking as he kept on. “Yes-yes, darling- I want to want to take you on every surface here- everyone, until all the corners have felt your-your beautiful bare skin- and not one place isn’t ringing with-fuck-you scream-screaming my name when you cum.”

As he thrust, he let out a grin that bared his teeth. Then a green light shone in his eyes.

“Let’s make this a little more fun,” he voiced.

Then two shadows went up, crawling from him, they held you back. Then one reached up your leg so they were high in the air. Then the other you felt grab your wrists, holding your arms up tight. It was a deep angle.

“Oh-oh gods!” you cried as he reached there.

“Yes- and that god is me now-” he grunted. “Yes-yes keep there- keep there-darling pet-fuck-good-good little pet-”

He kept thrusting wildly. The shadows holding you close. The spin crawled up inside you, tightening everything. Ready to let go.

“Should I-I-I stop?” he teased, still that slight smile, continuing his pounding.

“Please-Please Loki- oh-oh-please no- oh gods-I’m going to cum- I’m about to-about to-”

With that, your release hit you even stronger. The world spun as it all relaxed and released inside you. You made a sound with it- Loki did as well as you felt his release inside you. Both of you stopped for a while, looking at each other as the high ran its course and then washed down. His chest heaving with the breath lost. He pulled out, pulling you up to press your forehead to his.

“You’re wonderful, my dear, truly wonderful…” he breathed out.

The shadows around the room stretched out to the walls. You looked at them as Loki smoothed your skirt and helped you back up, though keeping a hand around your back.

“Loki…how much magic does it take for the shadows?” you asked.

“Quite a bit,” he answered. “It just….flew out of me.”

You looked around to see the Shadows fixing the dishes that fell. They set them back up. Loki kept an arm around you and you placed a hand on his chest to observe. You noticed the green light still shining in his eyes. Then they shrunk, returning to him. You felt a brush past you like a cool mist. They went back to his toes and the green light from his eyes dimmed.

“Your powers are restored!” you cried.

You looked around- the safe, warm cabin surrounded by snow. A table with little water paintings. The smell of warm bread and lovemaking. The crackling, comforting fireplace. The touch of the warm blankets and embraces and reassuring kisses were as delicate and soft as the snowflakes that flew down outside the frosted windows. Then back at him.

“Then…we must go…” Loki said.

“I wish we could stay here longer…” you sighed.

“As do I, Y/N darling. Just be patient, my dear. We will complete our quest…and then we can return whenever we wish…”

Loki went to the fireplace and leaned down. You raised your eyebrows as he reached in but the fire did not burn him. He took the orange orb in his hands and returned unscathed. The fire continued to crackle as normal, though you wondered without the orb it would die and if the food would spoil.

He used his free hand to create a portal. Clutching his arm, you both went to Asgard.

At once, you were in the throne room of Asgard again. Before you were The Variants, Stella and Sif, and Thor in a circle all talking loudly and worriedly. As the portal made a sound as it closed, their heads all whipped back to you two and they were silenced.

“I hope none of you missed us too terribly,” Loki announced.

They gasped and turned to you, all hugs and smiles, reassuring words. Loki went to Thomas and handed over the orb.

“Here we are-long promised. We went through quite the trouble, so it should help.”

“It shall,” Thomas assured him, amazed that the fiery-looking orb did not harm his hand.

Thor then went up and hugged Loki so tight it almost shook the life out of him.

“How I missed you, brother! We must celebrate! All of us!”

As he let down, Loki returned to you and held your hand in his.

“Yes- took a little longer than expected. We apologize- but we are back and safe. I’ll have to tell you all about Y/N’s incredible rescue,” he boasted. He then raised your hand and kissed it. You couldn’t help but smile big.

Stella looked between you two.

“May I speak with her in private for a minute, please?” she asked.

“Oh, of course!” replied your True Love.

Immediately, Stella led you back to her room and closed the door.

“YN! Please- tell me! The way he touched you! The way you looked at each other…are you….did he…say anything!?” she asked with an excited smile, grabbing your arm.

Your eyes were full of happy tears and your smile grew.

“He loves me, Stella!” you cried.

She went up and hugged you, rocking you back and forth.

“Oh, I’m so happy for you! It finally happened!” she cheered.

She then released the hug, lighting and patting your chin.

“Well, you have spent much time surrounded by all of these handsome men! It only seems fair you should pick one of them!” she teased.

You chuckled at her and then went back to holding both of her hands, the words spilling out from you.

“I can’t stop smiling, and yet crying and I feel shaky and humbled yet alive and thrilled! I…I don’t know what to do! I’m crying and yet I’m also laughing so much…” you rambled on, tears spilling out of your eyes.

“Here, let me get a handkerchief…” she offered.

She wiped your face with her handkerchief.

“That’s much better!” she said.

She hugged you again.

“I am so glad after seeing you brave through such misery to be this happy! To see you loved and in love…” she said.

Releasing the second hug, you returned her handkerchief to her.

“I will tell you, Asgard is my home now. But Stella…what of your home?”

She fixed a few blonde hairs that fell out of place in her braid back in.

“I want to go back home. Yes, I spoke with the others but, I decided to leave after it was confirmed you were safe and returned. I miss my family… Dante playing the piano, Edith sighing about all the gloves she wishes she could buy, Elliott and Brian discussing which girls they are infatuated with, my parents on their chairs by the fire- I miss them all! I waited for you and I know you are safe.”

You nodded.

“Loki will be glad to make you a portal back home.”

“Y/N, I promise I will visit- and I will write letters and Thomas will deliver them until then. He’s nice enough to do that-i could never imagine! A baronet delivering my letters!”

You both smiled and then you clutched her hands.

“Oh, you are always welcome here! I will make sure of it. I promise you, Stella, you will always find friendship and safety in Asgard, in the palace at least- and you will be the most welcome guest of them all!” you cried.

“Oh, wonderful! Now…could you come with me to the kitchen, please? I have some things to make and I want you to tell me all about what happened with you and Loki-do not hide one thing from me!”

She revealed that she was in the process of baking goodies for a long time in the kitchen to thank everyone. You told her what happened in Jotunheim. And you did not hide from her about losing your virginity at last to the god of mischief. She blushed but kept listening, never once lecturing you about waiting until marriage. If she thought that, she kept it to herself. She said she was only happy that Loki made you so happy.

The next day was the day of her departure. She made all sorts of little cakes and biscuits to thank them all and handed them off in little baskets that the group opened to gape at. Sif sniffed her hazelnut biscuit curiously, but taking a bite, raised her eyebrows to admit she enjoyed it. Jonathan carefully nibbled his little chocolate cake, but his eyes never left your friend. She dressed in her clean dress and her blue beads around her. Her vase and flowers are in one hand. She then got out a little cloth reticule and set it on top of a suitcase. She went over to enjoy one biscuit before she left. But you eyed the purse dangling on the suitcase.

“What’s in the reticule?” you asked.

“I found all these blue pebbles in the streets and the gardens. They’ll look lovely with the rest of my collection! Oh- and I cannot wait to press those flowers into my journal!” “It does sound like an impressive collection,” Thomas remarked. “Where do you keep it?”

Jonathan’s eyes flickered to the Baronet, an uneasiness to them, and then back to Stella.

“Oh- in my boxes back home, though they are getting a little full-”

Loki conjured her a special blue box. She gasped happily and then moved the items to be placed in.

“Oh, thank you! Loki- I am only so glad you make my dearest friend happy. She truly deserves it- may you always love her and treat her well!” she said.

“Of course, dear Miss Harris.”

She looked at them.

“Thank you all. Thank you to Y/N for listening to me, and for sending help, of course. Thank you, Jonathan, for taking me out of there. I don’t know what would happen to me if you did not. As well as your gift.”

He smiled at her.

“Of course, Stella,” was his quiet reply.

“Thank you, Miss Sif, for guardian me. Mr. Lancaster, Dr. Laing, Sir Sharpe- you all have been so welcoming and warm to me- and tell the Queen and Prince Thor I’m glad to have met them too…now…goodbye everyone! I will write and return and say hello again, I promise!”

She waved them off and stepped into the portal back home. She easily landed on those brown streets and white houses. At once, her family ran through the door. You could briefly see through the family all hugging her and kissing her. A pile of happy Harris’s welcoming her back. Nothing but warmth and love. Then the portal melted back to normal.

You smiled. As much as you would miss her, you were happy for her and her family.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Later that day, Loki said he had to go find his mother to discuss something. He held it up and kissed it tenderly. You gently touched his cheek, a smile on his face. Then, almost hesitantly, he let go and went back up.

As you went over to eat with the others, you saw Hal, Robert, and, most surprisingly, Thor, at a table enjoying some ale in large cups. Your eyebrows shot up at the blonde god of thunder.

“Why, what are you doing here?”

“I much missed the company of these fine fellows- so here I am!” Thor declared. “Besides, we have something we want to discuss! I hear you and my brother are much in love, Lady YN!”

You sat down, feeling warm. Smiling at them.

“Yes. Yes, we are- and we are! And I’m happy!” you cried.

Robert leaned forward, folding his hands and smiling. Though it was smiles they all shared between them.

“Oh, we all knew about it!” the doctor teased. He took a pastry, you weren’t sure if it was one made by Stella or the Asgard cooks, and took a bite of it.

“Loki spoke of you not long after he met you from his trip to Midgard. He was already at least a little besotted. I told him to court you, and pursue you as any suitor should!” Thor recalled.

Robert nodded towards Thor.

“Oh, it was pretty clear you both were interested in each other, we just had to stand by and watch it all and wait for you both to admit it.”

Hal took a bite of his food and then looked at you.

“My lady, you should have seen the day when Jonathan came forth as a messenger, saying that Loki had brought you to Asgard after your apparent cry for help,” he recalled. He gestured to the others there. “He was already watching everything from his shadowy corners. Then he came up to us in this room as we all sat to tell us what occurred.”

There was a little repressed snigger among them.

“We asked if Loki had wooed and won his lady love, especially after her great rescue by a god,” Thor began. The corners of his lips twitched up.

“And what did Jonathan say?” you asked.

“He said you threw a shoe at him,” Robert answered.

They finally burst into laughter. Laughing so hard, Thor’s voice seemed to shake the walls for nothing about him could be minuscule. Hal dipped his head back, baring his teeth in a wide smile. And Robert turned bright red and placed a hand over his stomach.

“How I wish I could have seen it myself! Even now- we cannot help but laugh at that!” Hal chuckled.

You laughed along with them, accepting your ridiculous actions back them. Then Thor turned to you, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Nevertheless, I am glad for it. You make my brother happy and I love him. I’m glad to see him so,” Thor said.

You grinned up at him.

“Thank you so much, I will do everything I can to make sure he is happy,” you promised.

“I believe you already have,” said Thor, clasping a comforting, large hand on your shoulder.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The orb was taking time to work. And Jonathan was completing the last of the translations. He said he would take it upon himself, and he went to the library to focus on that so Thomas could focus on the device. Divide and conquer, as the old saying goes.

You couldn’t help but be curious about this little room where Thomas made his inventions. It was a smaller room. Three desks full of parts, gears, and knick-knacks cluttering all over sat in each part. You noticed all sorts of children’s toys lying about- music boxes, mechanical animals, dolls. There was one device that sat in the corner behind you. It was a lovely little room full of gears, but also little mechanical toys. Devices, miniature machines, and all sorts of things. The tracking device itself looked like a little compass attached to what seemed to be a mechanical crane with wires near a typewriter with a blank sheet of paper in it- untouched. No location yet.

But there was a figure wrapped in a plaid shawl sitting on a chair- the room could get a little chilly. His back to you. Quiet and focused on something on that desk. His dark, curly hair was so much like your True Love’s hair. He turned over with a smile.

“Oh! It’s you” Thomas greeted.

“Hello, Sir Sharpe…how is it all going?” you asked.

He looked over at the tracking device.

“It should take another day…but then it should all be ready. This device shall sense where it is and the typewriter shall write it down,” he answered.

You observed over at some of the little dolls sitting on the desk. Some of them are in cloth dresses like the ones worn in Asgard.

“Thomas- did you make all of these?” you questioned.

“Oh, yes. Sometimes for the business here. But all of my life, I had ideas. I was fascinated by how machines work. I love to make toys. Let me show you- here! This one!”

He gave you a miniature of the machine he was working on.

“This one. It digs up clay and dirt in the ground and harvests it. Perhaps it shall be useful soon after all of this. Now we have to use it to support the Asgard economy. And here…this one….this is the one we need magic for!” he explained excitedly.

“I bet you will help so many others!” you encouraged.

He nodded, setting the device down on his desk.

“Yes…yes, I will. I wish I could open a shop to sell them. Even if it were simply toys for the little children here, I would be happy,” he said.

He looked around at his various devices. And then he turned to you.

“I know you are wondering about what happened in the Weaver’s Cottage…” he began.

“Yes, I do, and I know Loki told me it is personal…” you assured him, a hand flew up before you to pause.

Thomas’s smile melted down, and you heard him take a deep breath.

“Miss, I believe I am ready to tell you…” he began.

He gestured for you to sit on a chair next to him. He removed his shawl. He then folded his hands, slightly leaning over. He rubbed his hand once, and then looked into your eyes.

“The Weaver- her form was that of my elder sister, Lucille.”

It seemed she always took the form of someone personal to your friends. If it was Munrow for Robert, you had your suspicions, from what you gathered of their stories, whose forms she took for Hal and Jonathan…and Loki too.

He looked sad.

“Thomas…you were frozen in that little cottage. And she said something about women dying and you doing nothing to stop it…did Lucille…harm someone?” you asked.

“We have known each other and have been friends long enough, I can tell you…”

He swallowed.

“I grew up under the baronetcy of the Sharpes. We lived in a grand mansion in England in the middle of the countryside. A plain field with no trees. Where the town was a long, lonely walk away. Isolated, imposing, and grand. The mansion I had known for all of my life was twelve times the size of a normal house. One would think my childhood was full of playing through the halls…but Mother locked us up in the attic. All I can remember was having to stay there. And if we snuck out or misbehaved…Father would beat us. Like he beat mother.”

You turned cold inside.

“He broke her legs. Lucille was allowed in and out then to nurse her…she did so much, there was something of protectiveness in her. Once, we were caught sneaking out of the attic and she took the beating in my place. The words my father called her. His daughter. A child…I could never repeat them to you. We would cling to each other in the dark attic. She would sing me a lullaby to help lull me to sleep. I would come up with little toys from the knick-knacks. One night she was sobbing and I embraced her. We made a vow to never abandon or be apart from each other. One we would keep- we were all each other had. Then…then…”

He hesitated. Then taking in another breath, he continued with his eyes looking right into yours, even if they began to blink rapidly.

“I was nine I think…she was already blossoming into adolescence. And she told me….told me one day to…to take off my clothes. And to lie down on the floor in the dark, I didn’t know what was happening. I felt myself crying. But I was curious and I wanted her to feel better…and she…lifted her skirt and she…she…”

He paused. You felt sick to your stomach.

“You can imagine the rest.”

Your mouth opened wide and you set a hand over it in a silent gasp.

“She continued for years. I didn’t know how I felt. Sometimes it was uncomfortable. Sometimes it was nice. I just kept being called over by her…to do it. Bring her some solace. But yet..I…I didn’t know…I didn’t even know what was happening to me when it did…”

He swallowed.

“Then Lucille had enough of our father. His cruelty. Her rage burned up inside her. Until One day, I managed to get out and his bleeding corpse was on the bottom of the stairs… and she was on top, the blood on her hands…”

“So it meant your mother could let you out?”

“No- she still kept us confined. Years passed- I was about twelve. Lucille Fourteen. Then one day she…she caught us in the middle of it.”

You didn’t have to ask what.

“My eyes were shut- they shut whenever it happened. I don’t remember my mother's face, but I remember her crying ‘Oh my god!’ and calling us monsters. But my eyes did open in time…to see Lucille split an axe into her head.”

He swallowed, blinking, and then continued.

“Then the police arrived. Had us separated- I Was sent to boarding school and she to an institution. I learned while she suffered. Part of me always pitied her. I still do, in a way. She loved me so much, and did everything for me…so when I graduated, I kept our promise and I got her out. To survive, to have the money for us, our house, my inventions…she came up with a plan. I’d marry a rich woman and once we had their money transferred to us, she’d kill them.”

“Did you enact it?” you asked.

He nodded.

“Yes. Three times. With three women. Each with little to no family, so no one would come by knocking if they were to disappear. Though I never fell in love with them, I promised Lucille I never would…yet still I…I pitied them. I would bring them here, smiling. Ignorant of their doom. And dread curled in me. And I smiled anyway. Lucille had a special tea she would brew to poison them, weaken them. I would be the one to bring it to them. Kiss their heads, tell them everything was going to be splendid. They would grow sick, and cough blood. Grow weak. They would think it was consumption..”

You felt a chill. Recalling your past illness that led you here.

“But Lucille was impatient. And eager for blood. So once they signed away their money to go to our family, I would go away. Say it was a business trip. Kiss them one last time. Then I left for town. So I would not hear the screams, their pleas for help, for me, for anyone as Lucille took her blade and shredded them apart.”

You were quiet. Thomas looked utterly white.

“I might as well have stabbed myself. I let it happen. I never once laid with them. Lucille always beckoned me, telling me she loved me, and that it was all for me as she began to do acts on me again…only sometimes my body would feel pleasure… yet I always felt…like an animal doing tricks. Doing things since my youth to please her- since it was all I knew, it was at least what I could predict. She spoke to me always harshly, making me go back to her more- for no one in this world I could rely on more than her…she broke me.”

He laid his head down, looking at his own hands. Then he looked back at you, a few tears in his eyes.

“I have so much…shame and guilt. More than I think anyone could understand…I felt like I could never say no to her. Y/N, I know you must think of me as less than a man for refusing to stand up to her-”

“Of course not! You were merely a victim of it all!”

“But I let her do everything- including murder those women. I wanted to escape...but if Lucille was alone, she would…I’d feel…guilty, she was still my sister, who took everything and did everything…then Loki appeared.”

He looked around his inventions, then back at you, wiping the tears off with his hand.

“He knew it all. He knew I…I could never refuse her, or fight her off. He told me if I did, she would kill me. So he offered me an escape, a solution. He said I could move into the palace in Asgard. To a place where the walls didn’t creak and the red clay from the ground didn’t bleed into the floors. Invent for him, for his special quest. He promised me Lucille would be safe and cared for. That there would at least be a…duplicate of me to be there with her so she wouldn’t be alone as she always feared she would be. And he would conjure enough money so that we would not harm any more poor women. And he brought me here.”

He let out a deep breath.

“…I felt bad, but I was trapped in that place. It became a prison. And Lucille and I were long dead even though we still breathed…”

He picked up the shawl and curled it over himself. There was a brief silence between both of you.

“Dear god, Thomas…” you voiced out.

“Now all I want is redemption, from my shame and guilt….from being in her bed since I was young…”

“You were a child taken advantage of!” you cried.

“Lucille was young too.”

“She was old enough to know better!” you pointed out.

He glanced out at the window where sunlight seeped through. Peaceful and joyful.

“And here- here, I can redeem myself from…allowing Lucille to harm three innocent women? From lying to them and leading them to their death?”

“Loki was right. If you refused or denied her, Lucille would have killed you next…” you mused.

He began to blink a little again, his eyes on the window.

“Lucille could have been a wonderful woman, an extraordinary woman even if the world was not so harsh to her as a child….in some ways, she was…but yet…in that haunted, creaking, broken house she was always at home. And me, I felt…felt trapped…”

You reached over and touched his hand to comfort him. His blue eyes went from the window to yours.

“You can call me a villain, Y/N. I am one. I know it,” he said softly.

“Thomas, you were hurt and abused by your entire family. Left alone with no one who would genuinely love you to respect your boundaries and wishes. Left to please those who hurt you to survive…how could I think less of you?” you asked.

He pulled the shawl further over him like a blanket

“I just…I sometimes still feel like a child. Like that little boy…helpless and alone…” he confessed.

You squeezed his hand, continuing to look at him.

“What would you say to that little boy if he was here now? The little boy. Alone and scared. Cooped up in an attic. Beaten by his parents, and molested by his sister… What would you tell him?”

He paused. Truly thinking of it. He looked around as if searching for the right words. Then when he faced you, he had tears again in his eyes.

“I would tell him…if no one would care for him, then I will. I will make sure he never has to suffer as he did…” he answered.

You hugged him and let him cry a little bit more. You then asked a servant to bring him some water and a little food. He cried a little bit more, shaking it, squeezing his long-repressed story out. You brought him your handkerchief for him to wipe off his face. You gave him a small smile, and a hand to rub his arm.

“I’m glad you told me, Thomas. You are a hero now. Helping so much. Making so many things that saved us, and will save even more people. You’re free from it all now. And you have a life where you are loved and valued and won’t be hurt…I think you’ve redeemed yourself plenty…” you consoled him.

He wiped off a few more quiet tears with the handkerchief before he returned it to you.

“Thank you…I must get back to work, but thank you for listening to me, as disturbing as it was.”

“You are my friend, of course, I shall listen to you. Is there anything else about it you need to speak of now?” you replied.

“No…I would also like to congratulate you. I am overjoyed you and Loki are together. You both found someone to love without conditions or control or hurt…”

He picked up a little from the other desk. He smoothed her hair out of her little face, Looking at her with longing.

“I hope someday the same can be said of me someday…” he wished.

“I’m sure you will- I keep noticing you at every banquet and party! All the Asgard ladies keep giggling over you! You will have their pick of them in no time!” you reminded him.

He smiled at you. His posture relaxed. Thanking you genuinely, you said your goodbyes and he continued to his work.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

That evening, you joined your True Love in the garden after dinner to watch the sunset. The roses were in bloom with yellows and reds. Trees rustled with the wind. It was the perfect temperature. Not too frigid or warm. He got out chairs for both of you, as you watched the sky melt into pinks and oranges. Smiling at it as you held each other's hands. Then he turned to you.

“Robert and Jonathan told me about these inventions they had for transportation in their time- they’re called cars! They have no horses and run completely by motors!” Loki reported.

His hand opened and conjured an image of a little car above his palm. Your eyes widened, seeing the bright green shine on it and the tires spinning like a mill wheel.

“Thomas knew of them, but he was astounded they looked like that! And there’s another one- for his great quest against Roper, Jonathan had what is called a Motorcycle! It is like a bicycle from your time, only there are motors inside it too!” he continued.

“A motorcycle!? What does it look like?” you asked.

Loki conjured an image of a little black motorcycle and it spun around. You gaped at it in wonder, partially distracted from the ambiance of the place.

“ How does one ride it? It’d make me frightened to fall off!” you commented

“He said you hop on it and push the right buttons and knobs. Then you take off!!” Loki recalled. He made it whirr into place and then drove through the air before it vanished in a shimmer of golden light.

You smiled wide. Then you held hands, watching the sun glow even brighter as it dipped into the horizon.

“To think, it all is almost done…Thomas’s tracker is going to reveal the cauldron. The dagger will be finished and the spell translated any day now,” you remarked.

Loki let out a deep sigh as he took your hand again in yours. You leaned a head against you as you both embraced.

“Indeed…all those days, and adventures…finally this- are you frightened, my dear?” he asked.

“Yes…I am…I only hope all of that training is in good use, should anything occur…”

“We’ll be ready…we all shall…and I trust you as well, my little warrior mortal,” he commented.

You shifted over to sit on his lap. You hugged each other as the sun got lower. You took a hand to smooth his curls. The sky darkened and burst into stars and planets shining above. You could feel his heartbeat soften in his chest, and feel the rumble as he breathed in.

“Whatever occurs…I am only glad to have met you, my dear…” Loki said.

You smiled at him as he lifted a hand and kissed yours.

You both continued to talk quietly. He helped you off of him and you went to stand.

“Now, my dear…I think we should walk through the city. I assure you, it’s perfectly safe,” he said.

“I may be frightened…but I feel like I can face anything as long as you are with me,” you told him.

His hand never left yours as you both started your walk there. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The next morning, Jonathan and Thomas rushed into the room as everyone ate breakfast. Thomas’s curls fell a little out of place from excitement. Jonathan clutched the book.

“It’s translated…and the device found where the cauldron lies,” Jonathan reported.

Everyone moved quickly before the Asgard royal family could ask questions. Finally, all of you went to Thomas’s workshop. The device shuddered once with the orb inside, and then its gears ran. The typewriter finally began clicking on the paper. Thomas reached and then took off the paper.

He looked at them, Hal had the dagger. Jonathan a copy of a journal with the translated spell.

He then looked at it, squinting, and reading it carefully.

“Svartalfheim- it’s in Svartalfheim in the Cave of Baldir,” Thomas said.

Everyone nodded, hearing it. The answer is finally there. The weight and yet relief washing on everyone. Thomas folded the paper and put it in his breast pocket.

“Then, let us arm ourselves, dear friends,” Hal said.

Clothes were brought for you to fight in. They matched the leathers of Sifs with iron armor for your middle body, shoulders, and knees. You were amazed at the pants- comfortable enough that you could move freely. You sheathed a sword and several daggers. Testing your hand, a bit of fire came out and then back. The ring from the Weavers cottage was placed on your finger. A reminder. A decoration. Still fitting perfectly, the emerald glittering.

Loki then opened a portal and all of you headed through silently.

Svartalfheim was a barren place. Like a desert with nothing but long dunes of tan sand and grey storm clouds. When the sky peeked out, it looked yellow and sickly.

“Now, let us not waste any time,” Loki began.

You sensed out. There was the Baldur cave- it was close! You felt it like a bell ringing in the back of your head. You pointed in that direction to the men.

“It’s there! Everyone hurry!’” you urged.

Off you ran. Then you saw the cave seeping out from the sandy, dry ground like a burrow. All of you walked inside, quieting your steps. Things became dark, only the light from the sun in the back slowly dimming the further inside you wandered. You clutched one hand on your sword.

But a few steps into the cave you already heard bubbling. You stifled a gasp of joy as the dimming light from the mouth shone on something before you-

A cauldron. Large enough that four people could sit inside and as tall as your head. Green liquid swirling about when you peeked in it on your toes. Green steam rose above it like it was a pot of soup.

Everyone smiled and nodded. Jonathan held out the spellbook as Loki held out the dagger, he began to tap it. He began to chant the ancient Norse as he touched it. You held your breath as the phrase was completed.

Nothing happened.

Loki was frowning.

“The spell didn’t work…it is the same as normal, how come?” he asked.

Then out from the shadows, arms reached over and grabbed you.

You let out a scream as well as Loki and the other variants. The dagger and book fell from their hands as they turned around.

Grendel’s men appeared from the shadows in armor just like the ones in Asgard.

You reached over a hand to shoot out the fire- but nothing happened. Loki reached out a hand, but his face fell as nothing hopped out.

And you realized- you had not sensed them. You fought against one- but they held you. Then you heard a voice, smooth, low, baritone, and confident- but it sent shivers up you.

“Congratulations, you fell for the trap, hook, line, and sinker. Welcome to this lovely little cave- there’s a special spell here. No one can perform magic here except me.”

The soldier holding you brought you forward to the voice. A man emerged from the shadows. Dressed still in a black suit like your own times. A pointed chin and sharp features. You recognized the face from your dream- dark hair, green eyes, and pale skin. He could have been handsome, but you knew what he did.

“Grendel…”

He gestured as his men all held your band of friends together.

“All of you make quite a band. Adorable…but quite pitiful.”

“What do you want from her? Don’t you dare touch her!” Loki cried out from where he was. He struggled hard, but they held him tight.

The soldier then let go of you, you tried to rush over to them, but with a flick of Grendel’s finger, an invisible wall came up. Loki struggled and got out, but he realized you were blocked- able to hear and see everything.

“Why…why am I separated from the others- what are you going to do to them?” you asked.

He folded his arms, with a wide smile.

“I made a promise. I always live up to my promises,” he declared.

“Promise? What kind of promises are you even capable of making?!” Robert cursed definitely, tugging against the men holding him back.

With a big smile and dramatic hand, Grendel gestured towards a shadowy corner of the cave.

“Mortal Lady, I upheld my end, and you shall yours…” the villain said.

You turned over to the shadows and saw something. A figure moving.

A green scarf.

Before you had time to process it, the Reverend Will Ransome walked into the light.

[triptychofvoids]

hullo! i was curious, since you are nebulously medic, do you have issues with how the fandom portrays you/the character? (whatever language you prefer)

im a pyro fictive, so you can kind of assume why im asking. you dont see a lot of people out in the wild, fictives, kins, or anything, who identify with any of the tf2 cast. anyways teehee have a good day, dok!!! i pray u get 10 orangutan livers today

aha yes, and i can think of more than a few examples unfortunately! i suppose its just something you have to learn to both expect and tolerate as a part of something that is not only a work of fiction, but a work of fiction with a rather large fan base! but yes, i do take issue with some portrayals here and there..