#it reminds me of one time (not one time this was a job) when my mom was small (not small she was like? 17? maybe)

[inkskinned]

one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.

the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.

like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.

but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.

so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.

i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?

but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?

sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?

and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.

nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.

the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!

and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.

[inevesgf]

jealousy, jealousy • lando norris

request rules here.

formula one masterlist here.

synopsis ➔ two close friends ignore their love for each other until it becomes too much to handle for one of them.

warnings ⭒ lonnggg, kind of angst/comfort, swearing, use of she/her, driver x female!reader, driver x race engineer!reader, mentions of sex, jealous lando wink wink.

you searched in all different types of nooks and crannys in the world to find love. desperately grasping at the idea, peaking in places to find that good in the bad. but it was hard, you knew that, time and time again you were reminded of why you shut yourself out so much. the worry, the pain — in the end you thought maybe the good times didn’t even make up for the bad ones. you had plenty of misfortune in your love life throughout the years, whether it was your fault or your partners. you found yourself becoming picky: a perfectionist to the love you receive when the love you gave wasn’t quite good enough either. it had come to the point where you became so detached from finding that perfect person. you stopped searching and stood silent like a predator in a bush waiting to catch its prey.

love comes unexpectedly, you had heard that saying plenty of times before that now you have come to believe it. you stopped wasting nights on men that didn’t matter, you stopped trying to impress people — you were just yourself. as years past, friends found themselves shocked at the idea that you would date someone. they saw you as headstrong, independent, and the thought of you in love made them question if they were dreaming. you didn’t want to be seen like some hopeless romantic — someone who didn’t want to love — but you didn’t want to seem desperate either. it seemed as if not even the perfect medium of those two was reachable where you had now hid yourself.

you had been single for a few years now and even if you didn’t want to admit it, you missed being in a relationship. those around you saw you as independent, someone who didn’t need a man, but the need was more of something your heart wanted. you loved too hard, it’s what got you hurt in the end, and as much as you tried to fight it off, it was still there. you masked yourself with a facade that you were too good for any man, that you didn’t want them falling at your feet and nor would you fall at theirs. love was complicated, embarrassing, and you couldn’t even come to fathom the situation you had wiggled yourself into.

you had found yourself in a world full of men, smack dab in the middle of being an engineer for mercedes in the formula one. you took your job seriously and didn’t let much get in the way, but to admit you were far more than just an engineer to some of those men; a friend at that. you found yourself being invited to parties by the FIA, other formula one racing teams, and some of the drivers individually. while you weren’t totally the party type, you didn’t hate the idea of tagging along every now and then. while working for formula one, you put your gaze nowhere else but forward. it was distracting being constantly surrounded by the media, those with higher positions, and even sometimes all-too-good-looking race car drivers. you would never let something so silly get in the way of your position, but sometimes with a little bit of liquid courage, things happen.

“can you hand me my cologne?” the voice of lando norris boomed throughout the hotel room as you cladded your way to the bathroom before handing it to him. “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you dress so fancy.” he raised his brow at you, making you scoff as you shooed him away. “i mean — if the event calls for it, i will. but after this, you’ll never see me in kitten heels again if it was up to me.” you laughed, adjusting the straps of your black dress to sit more on your shoulders. roaming throughout the paddocks before races and on practice days, you had found yourself making friends with drivers simply from running into them. lando norris was one of those drivers, and now you wear the not-so-honorary title of being one of his best friends. though with lando, there were things you did that made you more than best friends: dancing in the rain, snuggling while watching a movie. there was something so romantic about it, but in your manor, you brushed it off as an act of friendship. “you look nice, though.” he sheepishly smiled, combing the curls on the top of his head back neatly. “well thank you —“ you said sincerely before checking the time, “now hurry up, we’re going to be late!”

an event held by the FIA to bring racers and race crew alike together was something you weren’t completely looking forward too. you liked your crew just enough to be alongside them, but not having to see them outside of work was sure a pleasantry. the night was spent with downing shots, doing anything to drown out the despair of being there. you didn’t think your actions would have consequences until the next morning when you found yourself waking up in an unfamiliar bed. you thought maybe it was inevitable to happen; after a few drinks, your worries and cares floated away. when you were intoxicated, you didn’t care who you were with, you didn’t care what you were doing, all you wanted to do was have fun — and fun you had as you turned around in the bed to be met with a curly headed man.

“good morning,” he smiled sheepishly, his eyes squinting to adjust to the sunlight peeking in through the windows. “good morning, danny.” you smiled softly, a tang of embarrassment lingering on your naked skin from under the blanket. daniel ricciardo was a close friend of yours. with you similar humor, it was easy to say that your personalities clashed very well together. you had always had some eyes for the driver, i mean, there was no denying he was handsome. when in groups, it’s like you two gravitated towards each other, always getting along the most. it was awkward seeing daniel in this sense, but part of you liked it. it didn’t feel as much of a stupid mistake like other drunk hookups had; this one felt comfortable. when his eyes finally adjusted to the light in the room, he smiled at you. you smiled back, a little bit of a nervous laugh falling from your lips.

you were lying if you were to say this was the last and only time you had found yourself in daniel’s bed. you would hangout, put on a movie, have drinks, and on some occasions, you’d end up in his bed. it was more friends with benefits than anything, but you couldn’t help but feel safe and respected in his presence. it was a late friday night, around ten pm, where you found yourself sitting atop danny’s lap as some disney movie played in the background. you were falling asleep gradually as time went on and was only snapped out of your tired state when you received a text message from lando.

lalando

➔ can i come over pretty please

you

im sorry lan im not home rn :(

lalando

➔ where are you?

you

GEEZ nosey much?

im at danny’s

lalando

➔ what time will you be home?

you

im not sure, i’ll lyk

you ask sooo many questions

lalando

➔ smh cut me some slack

➔ sorry i want to hangout with

my bestest friend everrr

➔ do you want me to just come

over in the morning then?

you

i don’t know when i’ll be home

im sorry lan

lalando

➔ nono its ok, don’t worry

➔ WAIT

➔ YOU DONT KNOW WHEN

YOULL BE HOME? IN THE MORNING?

➔ ARE YOU SPENDING THE NIGHT

AT DANIELS PLACE?!?!?

seen at 10:24pm

a small laugh escaped your lips as you read landos frantic confusion. you were sure he would pelt with you hundreds of questions tomorrow and you knew exactly what you had to do: deny, deny, deny. lando and your other friends always tried to pry personal information out of you: deep secrets, hookup stories — you thought it was funny. you prided yourself on being a partially opened book. people knew things about you, but not too much, and you wanted to keep it that way.

a cozy night spent at danny’s laying in bed and watching a movie was something you looked forward to. sometimes it had you questioning if you liked him. it was a funny thought, a silly one, especially considering most dates didn’t go anywhere besides the bedroom. it was basically written in ink that you and daniel were merely fuck buddies and nothing else. you two had mutual respect for each other, but that respect wasn’t enough to do anything more than just please the other. you liked it this way and so did danny. you enjoyed it, but deep down you couldn’t help but wish it was someone else. all those years you spent desperately craving a relationship now put you in a place where you didn’t care. you were young — you had to try new things — and maybe even so sleeping with a driver on a rival team would point you in the right direction.

days had went on and you found yourself once again at daniel’s house. this time he had invited you over to hangout with a few of his friends, have some drinks, and get to know each other. he swore they would like you and you used this as a way to get out of the house and meet new people. it was a bit awkward. all the others surrounded around the living area knew each other and their life stories, but you sat there out of place begging for an escape. daniel had disappeared for a bit before he resurfaced in a corner chatting up a group of guys who’s name you couldn’t remember. it didn’t matter to you though, he was enjoying himself so you simply took time to relax. a notification appeared on your phone, another text from lando, with one simple request.

lalando

➔ do you to go out for drinks tonight?

you

again IM SORRY im busy right now,

but i owe you

lalando

➔ busy doing what? daniel?

you

SHUT UP and no actually

not like i was doing him in the first place

lalando

➔ sure sure ok, lie to my face

you

geez ok, calm down lan

come over tomorrow for lunch

lalando

➔ fine, i’ll see you then

seen at 9:34pm

lando’s seemingly jealous manner had you laughing to yourself when your brain started to drift somewhere maybe it shouldn’t. you had known lando since the beginning of your career. you remember the day you full body bumped into him in the paddock, resulting in you two having a laughing fit. something from there told you that you would be good friends, but you couldn’t grasp if thats what it really was. you recalled all that you had done together: going out for dinner, having movie nights, talking about everything imaginable together. it made you question if what you had with lando was far from casual. he was your friend, but you knew friends didn’t long for each others company as he longed for yours.

pouring the sauce onto the noodles, you slid over a bowl of homemade alfredo pasta over to lando, handing him a fork to go along with it. “i feel like i’m just your personal chef now.” you spoke sarcastically, pouring a small bowl for yourself before grabbing a fork. “you would be if your cooking was better.” lando spoke plainly, shoving a bit of pasta into his mouth. “hey! that’s mean! why are you so sour, huh?” you scoffed, not thinking much of it as lando was always this sarcastic with you. “the only thing that’s sour are these noodles.” he spoke, taking yet another bite which had you staring blankly at him. “i’m obviously joking! cmon, you know i wouldn’t eat it if it was bad. you’re the best cook i know.” lando smiled over in your direction, making you sigh a little. “geez — you got me with that one. was starting to think you hated me, mr norris.” you spoke, trailing over to the bowl before picking it up and making your way over to the couch. like a sad puppy, lando grabbed his bowl and followed over, sitting himself right next to you. “i could never hate you!” “oh suuuuure—“ you laughed, placing the bowl onto the coffee table before grabbing the remote. you and lando did this several times a week. you’d order takeaway or make food, put on a tv show the two of you had been binging, and then get distracted by some irrelevant conversation between you too. it was like a cool down time from your hectic lives — some calm in the middle of a storm.

“i don’t even remember what’s happening—“ lando said mid chew, placing the empty bowl onto the coffee table. you gave him a disgusted look, one that read ‘chew before you speak’, before you responded, “it’s because last time we got distracted talking about cats.” “ok well — come here. this time we can pay attention.” lando spoke, opening his arms for you to lay into them. this sucked you back into your prior thoughts. your small hangouts — dates even — had turned into something more than they were before. “doubt that.” you muttered, letting yourself lay your head onto his lap even though you knew the consequences. you leaned your head to the side, attentively watching the show as lando chimed in every now and then to give his two-cents about what was happening. you two shared some laughs and conversations about the shows plot, but nothing off topic to get you two distracted from watching.

the last episode of season two was now coming to an end and you watched attentively to each event that occurred. you were only snapped out of your fixated reality once you noticed landos gaze had went from the tv to you. when your eyes met, you didn’t expect anything from lando until he spoke. “so what were you doing with danny last night?” he questioned, making you roll your eyes. “what happened to paying attention to the show?” you asked, dismissive of the conversation. “what did you two do? watch a movie? sleep with him?” lando spoke, completely ignoring what you had said. it made you a little upset, even though you knew he was most likely just teasing you. the tone in his voice was off, being more plain than sarcastic. “why do you care so much?” you asked, the conversation now merely banter between you two. “i don’t care — i just want to know!” lando was lying through his teeth now and you could tell. the way he delivered his words, the way he looked at you; he obviously just “didn’t care”.

“are you jealous?” the words feel from your lips so carelessly, so sharply. you didn’t know what overcame you, but something about lando being so nosey to your endeavors made you irritated. “i’m not jealous.” his words were plain and you had now sat up from your once laid down position to face him. words couldn’t form in your mouth. you didn’t know if you wanted to squeeze a confession out of him or make him speak for himself. “are you sure?” it was sort of a teasing manner that fell from your words, egging at him to speak a truth you weren’t sure you wanted to hear. “god—“ lando shot up from his seated position, making you jump back a little and look at him in confusion. “i am jealous, i am sooo fucking jealous.” his voice was louder now, loud enough for the neighbors to hear, his confession making fear grow in your friendship. “you’re all over him — always. you act all sweet and nice to me, you let me hold you — and then you fuck him. i don’t know what’s so different between him and i. i can be all the things he can be too!” “lando—“ you could barely mutter out words before he started again, his face slightly red as he spoke. “i don’t fucking care. you’re supposed to be mine.” his words stung, your lips holding back a gasp from escaping. you didnt know what to say, words not seeming to muster up from your mind. “you know what — i’ll leave. just go hangout with daniel. you’ve gotten good at that.” lando tried to leave, his hands clasping the doorknob to your apartment before you stood up. “i try to deny it, but i can’t anymore.” your words seem to catch his attention, his hand coming off the door and back to his side. “i tried to find another explanation for why i feel so safe with you; for why i always want to see you. i just plucked it up to you being my best friend, lando, but it’s not that. it’s not that anymore.” the words fell from your lips as if they were the last words you would ever say. you didn’t know what you were saying, all you knew is that you meant every word.

“you’re not making any sense.” lando spoke. he looked defeated, exhausted, like he was itching to get out of his skin. “i’m saying that i’m falling in love you with.” you didn’t tell lando what he wanted to hear, you told him what you wanted to say. a feeling of insecurity having nagged at you for a long time had finally become too much to handle; too hard to admit. you knew in your industry and position that you probably shouldn’t be saying these things; you knew you should have gotten out of the water before it got too deep — yet something about lando was like an anchor that had you sinking.

there was a long pause before any other words were said. it could have been a few seconds or a few minutes, you didn’t know. the quick pace of your heart beating had time moving so slow. lando approached you, now close enough to feel his shallowed breathing on your skin. “i’m sorry—“ it’s like he broke down, his voice brittle and hoarse. all you wanted to do was comfort him, but now the confident words that you had spoken so passionately couldn’t come out. “no, lan, it’s okay—“ you pulled him into a hug, resting your head into the crook of his neck as he seemingly cried. “i just couldn’t stand seeing him with you like that — i should have told you sooner. i shouldnt have yelled at you. i just don’t like the idea that he got to you hold like i do. i shouldn’t even be jealous, you aren’t even mine.” his arms wrapped loosely around your waist as he pulled back, red eyes with tears threatening to spill. “i know, i know — but it’s all okay now because i like you. i was too blind to see that what i had been looking for was right here the whole time. i feel stupid, but it’s okay, it’s what makes us human.” you tried to smile, it was what was needed at a time like this, and lando did his best to return it.

what was once a rival, a friend, a shoulder to cry on; anything but a lover, had now blossomed into something you had fought for so long. the pain of searching in every nook and cranny had now met you face to face with the hidden treasure you tried so hard to look for. “i love you—“ it was the mutter in the silence, the dark in the light, and you couldn’t help but feel like you found what you were looking for.

[two-white-butterflies]

★ — imgonnagetyouback | max verstappen

Description: Max ends the relationship with a phone-call.

Pairing: actress!reader/max verstappen

Disclaimer: Everything written in this fanfic holds no truth about anyone's personality or actions. It is made purely for entertainment.

A/N: everything i do used to be inspired by the 2014 ver. grimes. reader is unhinged as her, but gets development in the end!! THIS IS AN ODE TO THE "MONSTER" TITLED FIC I READ ABOUT LEE PACE.

"Let's break up."

Let's break up.

You could still hear the aftertaste of his voice on your ears. How nonchalant he sounded while denying a relationship of seven years. Why was he quick to leave? Did he find someone else?

You sniffled, wiping your snot with a tissue on your right.

I'm gonna get revenge.

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yourname: me, the dogs and @edmundquandt

liked by 728,391 others

>comments

maxversworldargentina: huh isn't she dating max? did u break up?

reversethismess: Who is he?

victoriaverstappen: ❤️

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Y/N L/N AND FORMULA ONE DRIVER, MAX VERSTAPPEN CONFIRM THEIR BREAKUP.

Yesterday UMG Inc. Agency released a statement to SSN confirming the breakup between Y/N L/N and her Formula One boyfriend.

The pair began to date each other in 2017, where Verstappen was accepted into Toro Rosso and Redbull Racing. They have been together for 7 years and have been dubbed as the most iconic couple in the Formula One paddocks.

Rumors between the two splitting emerged late March, however the couple affirmed that they were still dating each other. On December, however the netizens were greeted with radio silence.

According to L/N's team: the breakup was mutually agreed upon, as they grew apart from all the travelling required for their job.

>comments

grills93: I can't make it go away by making you a villain, I guess it's the price I pay for seven years in heaven.

lnworld: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND HER NEW INSTA POST WITH EDMUND???? NOOOOOOO

carshfo: she defo cheated with edmund bcs no way lol

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Max's pulse was racing at the sight of you around another man's arms. Seeing your arms wrapped around his shoulders, leaning into him for balance as you laughed at a joke that wasn't funny at all. "- and then we found out that there wasn't a building in the hotel with those rooms." Edmund finished his joke.

By that time, you were already laughing uncontrollably.

Max clenched his jaw.

A piece of his heart regretted breaking up with you.

"Control yourself mate, he's a big investor." Yuri reminds.

Max didn't give a flying fuck. He didn't own any Redbull stocks. He's a good driver, this Edmund Quandt has nothing on him. His features only soften once he remembered the reason why he broke up with you. He wanted to focus more on his career. He wanted to test the pond for more fish.

He needed upgrades on his car.

Fuck.

He needed to chafe his knees for this guy.

"Funnily enough, when I was in Texas I had a similar encounter. I knew exactly what to do." Edmund placed a hand on the small of your back. Max prevents his eyelids from twitching.

Charles smiles, showing the crowd his dimpled cheeks. Charles always had the ability to charm other people. He was perfect, and now he's friends with Mr. Quandt whom he only met.

"I'm sorry for asking this Edmund, but are you two...?" Charles paused, allowing the other man to fill in the blanks. Edmund smiles - pearly white teeth and a godly physique.

Max doesn't fail to observe the glance that Edmund gives you, a look that asked for your permission.

"We're dating each other, for a month now - but we're still testing the waters." you chuckled, ignoring the presence of your ex-boyfriend despite his figure melancholily staring at you.

"I just want to put a ring on her." Edmund admits.

The other people fade into the background.

"My father always says, give her a ring with a big diamond so she won't be able to see how much of a monster you are." he teased.

"You're not a monster." your eyebrows merged into each other.

Max wanted to punch the air.

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yournamepriv: i love this big baby 🥺 @e123456

liked by 92

>comments

haileybeiber: i love this for u omgg

sophierichiegrange: So cute ❤️🥺

e123456: You got my good side! - yournamepriv: Ur good side is 360 degs

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Max takes a deep breath. Again.

You forgot to remove him as a mutual in your private account. And he was greeted by a picture of you kissing Edmund Quandt. His mind raced through a million different thoughts. Regret, anger, resentment - but they were mostly filled of regret.

He didn't appreciate what he got, and now it's gone.

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maxandynfanbase: do you get deja vu? 😭

liked by lewishamilton and 72,192 others

>comments

mercyplease9: EDMUND IS SO TALL??

ohnoaosd9: lewis we can see u 💀

holyhell1: i like pic 2 more

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yourname: visited some mangrove swamps with this big baby. 🥺your integrity makes me seem small... #savethemangroves tagged: edmundquandt

liked by maxverstappen, lewishamilton and 1,283,923 others

taylorswift: You and Edmund have the KINDEST heart. - yourname: thanks taytay i wanna see u and trav here next time - taylorswift: Will do! I'll tell you when my schedule clears up. - yourname: love u ❤️

haileybeiber: We love a momma who cares

sophierichiegrange: <3

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"I can't believe she's out there helping the fucking mangroves." Max places his phone on the couch.

He couldn't believe your sudden change in tune, that drastic of a change to come from someone like you? "She used to complain being in the EU because it meant not using plastic straws." he breathed, still choosing to believe that you were like him.

Still the same crazy. Still the same stupid.

"She's really being fake for him." he shook his head.

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yourname: i totes know how to play 🎾 this friday we're having an event for all the young racecar drivers that unfortunately can't afford to pursue the sport. all proceeds will go to @bmwfoundationsports and the @grandprixtrust !!

liked by edmundquandt and 1,283,912 others

>comments

edmundquandt: ❤️

CharlesLeclerc: Will be in attendance. 🫡

oracleredbullracing: We love a Queen with a good heart

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maxverstappenupdates: Max Verstappen in @bmwfoundationsports and @grandprixtrust.

liked by kellypiquet and 23,392 others

>comments

youalloverme: HE LOOKS SO SAD...

maxismybf: Hadnsumm

posyposie: wondering if a dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life

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He takes another sip of his whiskey, forgetting about the cameras that snapped his figure left and right. There were a million things he wanted to say to you, but he wanted to start with a question.

"I never imagined seeing you change yourself for a guy." he scoffed.

You turned around with your eyebrows raised. Flabbergasted at his insinuation. "Change myself?" you repeated the word, finding it to be hilarious on his tongue.

"The whole save the earth, save the kids thing - you don't care about that. I understand though, money is money and your boyfriend has a lot of that." Max allowed the alcohol to speak in his behalf.

"You don't have the right to talk about me or my integrity. You abandoned me, remember?" you argued, feeling anger pulse through your veins.

Since he left, you tried to make yourself better.

"When I was with you, we were both horrible people. Quite literally the rich people cliche that we promised not to become. I guess you were right, we weren't growing together - and now I've become a better person without you - all because of Edmund." you gritted your teeth, grabbing the champagne on the table before the media realized that the 'ex-lovers' were talking to each other.

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(PRE-EDMUND QUANDT.)

I'm gonna get revenge.

That night you planned to ruin his chance at winning by exposing a flaw in the car that would allow the other drivers to overtake him. A button outside of the car - with the engineers that could remotely turn off a key engine that allowed his car to move faster.

He told you about it because driving at that speed endangers his life, and if you were the only one in the administration panel that knew about it - he made it your duty to push that button.

You grabbed your laptop, sneaking inside the garage. "What are you doing?" a voice emerged from behind you, and you momentarily stopped with the program.

You turned around - only to be greeted with your ex-boyfriend, Edmund Quandt. A man that your parents adored. A man whom everyone thought was going to become your husband, and he was here - behind you. Looking at you.

"Just grabbing my things, I won't be here anymore." you lied. Despite your obvious lie, he chose to give you the benefit of the doubt. He always kinda chose to see the better side of a person, rather than thinking the worst of them first.

"Oh why is that?" he asked with a smile. "Because of things..." you evaded the question - not wanting to rant about your other ex-boyfriend that broke up with you because of a phone call.

"Are you done with grabbing your things?" his eyes narrowed.

"Oh yeah." you breathed.

You had to evade your plan of revenge.

"Do you want to grab some coffee?" he offered.

"Of course."

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Max Verstappen I'm really sorry for doing that. Must be all the Whiskey I drank 😅

Y/N L/N Drunk actions are sober thoughts, Max

Max Verstappen I still shouldn't have confronted you It's just really weird seeing you post things like save the turtles, donate to the kids we never gave a fuck about those 😆

Y/N L/N Yeah, I didn't care about them But now I do We used to be the same but now we aren't

Max Verstappen ?

Y/N L/N You broke up with me because you wanted to focus on your career Because all you care about is money and success We both got stuck on that We didn't see the value in other things When we broke up, Edmund brought me back to earth Opened my eyes to the privilege we've been granted

Y/N L/N Take this as a warning Max The high life isn't gonna last forever

*blocked*

[phantom-0-writer]

excerpt from my fic (bio wayne danny)

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” Dick asked teasingly, slipping in next to Bruce. 

“I was just telling Danny how having a space station as a base of operation is a tactical call.” Bruce said, pointedly. 

“As if. It wasn’t a good idea when the JL was just the main seven, but after their expansion project, it’s a liability if not a straight out disadvantage.” Danny scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“How is it a liability?” Dick asked intrigued. 

“Whenever there’s a huge invasion or something, where do you think the evil aliens are going to attack first? The huge space satellite with at least a handful of heroes on it at all times, with state-of-the-art weapons and tech, full of information about literally everything worth having information on probably has no external defenses because no one would think to sneak into a space station, seems like a pretty good start.” Danny explained, Dick watched Bruce appraise his information. “I bet I could get in if I figured out how to get to space.” 

Bruce raised an amused brow at him, “You think you could break into the Watchtower?” 

“Easy.” Danny proclaimed, sporting a wicked grin. 

Before Dick could say anything, someone came up to their table. “Danny!” The boy, Dick recognized as Tucker, said with an exaggerated fake surprise, “What a surprise seeing you here. At the Nasty Burger. Around 6 o’clock. Today.” 

“Tucker? Why- What are you doing here?” Danny asked surprised. 

“I was just passing by,” Tucker said, shrugging dramatically. Danny gave him an accusing and disbelieving look. “My, my who are these people here with you, Danny?” Tucker asked, sliding into the seat next to Danny. 

“Tucker, you know who they are,” Danny said exasperated. 

But it seemed like they had more guests. “Danny! Wow, I wasn’t expecting you here. Small world, huh?” Sam (?) walked over preppi-ly which didn’t match her grunge aesthetic. Her hands hooked with Val’s as they walked together. 

“Small world,” Val repeated with a fake smile. The two of them sat down next to Danny and Tucker. 

Danny put his head in his hands, “I should’ve known.”

“You should’ve.” Sam nodded. 

“But you didn’t.” Val chastised jokingly. 

Next another boy comes dashing into the restaurant wearing a basketball jersey. 

“You’re late,” Val says, admonishingly. Tucker and Sam shake their heads, and Danny sighs in exasperation. 

“I literally ran here.” Wes said in between huffs of air, slumping in next to Val. 

The group of teens who had been teasing each other, in a very strange synchronous action, turn their heads to look at Bruce and Dick. Dick was really regretting watching Anabell last night. 

“I think we’ll need more food,” Bruce comments lightly. 

---

“So, dick.��� Sam started, munching on a fry. “Tell us about yourself.” 

“Like what?” Dick asked

Valerie (“Do not call me Val.”) answered, “What do you do?”

“I’m a cop in Bludhaven.” Dick was met with four pairs of dubious eyes. Danny sent him a small-lipped look of disappointment, he wasn’t sure whether it was for him or at him. Maybe Dick should look into getting a new day job.

“Write that down.” Sam gestured to Tucker.

“Already on it,” Tucker reported, scribbling something with a stylus. 

“You guys are taking this very seriously,” Bruce commented, smiling. 

“It is serious.” Tucker responded. 

“What if you guys are in some child trafficking ring?” Wes commented, 

“Why would they be-” Danny started, before Wes turned to him and very seriously said, 

“That’s exactly the question, Danny. Why would they?” Wes thoughtfully turned to look at Bruce warily. 

“Y’know let’s just dive into the important questions shall we?” Sam asked her preppy attitude from before gone, replaced by a hard glare at the two of them. It reminded Dick of Titus. “What’s your opinion on the basements?”

“Basements?” Bruce repeated, confused. 

“Well, you wouldn’t be the first eccentric billionaire to insist Danny be their son. And we’ve noticed a few patterns.” Tucker informed them as if they were talking about something completely normal and mundane. Though, Dick couldn’t really argue. Bruce was also an eccentric billionaire with a secret basement. 

“Well, we have a basement,” Dick said hesitantly. “Does that dock us points?” He asked Tucker, half-joking, half-concerned. 

“Tentative.” 

“So what do you do in your basement?” Wes asked, sipping on a milkshake. 

“Normal basement things.” Dick lied. 

“Such as…” Valarie implored, eyes suspicious. 

Dick hesitated thinking about what to say. Bruce hadn’t said anything either. But Danny took the time to tell his friends, “Guys I really don’t think that should be a problem. I mean, would someone like Vlad really go for the ‘let’s have dinner so my family can meet your family and we can get to know each other’ approach when the ‘let me drug and kidnap you and stick you in a cloning pod’ approach was right there.” 

His friends seemed to consider this before they all nodded and agreed. 

“Vlad Masters drugged and kidnaped you to put you in a cloning pod?” Bruce asked, concerned. 

“No,” Danny said, offhandedly, not bothering to elaborate. Someone should really look into that guy. 

“O-M-G, is that Paulina?” Wes said pointedly, a menacing grin on his face as he looked at Danny, who in turn looked alarmed.

“Aw, Danny you should go say ‘Hi’.” Tucker cooed, teasingly, Danny groaned, his ears flushing in embarrassment.

“Guys, stop.” Sam said finally, “We wouldn’t want another spoon incident.” A grin cracked on her face. Danny buried his face in his hands. 

Dick looked over to see who they were talking about. There were two girls, one was a blond girl with her arms hooked around Kwan from The Mall, and the other was a darker skinned girl wearing a pink crop top. Dick wasn’t sure who Paulina was, but it didn’t really matter, as he took his chance to tease his brother. “You have a crush on Paulina?” He asked teasingly. Bruce is smiling next to him. 

“No.” Danny denied it fervently. “I mean- I did. Like forever ago. But not anymore.”

“He’s since moved on to more attainable targets.” Tucker nodded. Received a smack from Sam and a spoon to the face from Valerie. “Ow. What? It’s true.” 

“Y’know what they say. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” Wes added with a snicker. 

“Wes,” Danny groaned at the same time as Sam and Valarie hissed his name. 

“I sense a story.” Bruce commented, sipping his drink. 

“It all started when we were fresh little freshmen. Danny had his little crush on Paulina. I was just trying to get by, y’know. Not all of us have Wayne genes.” Tucker started pointedly. 

“What- we didn’t know about that till this week.” Danny pointed out. 

“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t there, dude.” Wes spoke up. Sam and Valerie stayed suspiciously quiet. Dick’s smirk only grew. 

“As I was saying, we’re just doing normal freshman things, when Sammy here,” Tucker points to Sam with his head, “starts crushing. Big time.”

“It was not that bad.” Sam points out. 

“It was, in fact, that bad.” Tucker said, looking at Bruce and Dick, “But at the same time Danny and Val have a little enemies-to-lovers thing and then they both start crushing on each other. And they dated for a while, but then they broke up cause Val had a lot on her plate at the time. Danny was all mopey and heartbroken. And then Sam swoops in like his little knight in glowing armor, then they start dating. And all the while I’m here single and alone.” Tucker shakes his head mournfully. 

“I was not all mopey and heartbroken.” Danny defends himself. 

“You so were dude.” Tucker says.

“Yeah.” Sam agrees. 

“But then Sam and Danny decide that they’re better off as friends because Danny kinda had a lot to deal with. And now we’re all best friends.”  Tucker concluded, cheerfully. 

“Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, huh, Bruce.” Dick says slyly. Bruce huffs. 

“Then what about the spoon incident?” Bruce asked. 

“Oh, that was back when there were a lot of ghost attacks, and the school had my parents come in to run security. And this one time we were having lunch outside, and they just showed up out of nowhere. And I got kinda spooked and…” Danny’s voice trailed off into a mumble, and Dick couldn’t catch the last bit.

“Sorry, what was that?” 

“He said he swallowed a spoon.” Wes spoke up. 

“What?” Bruce asked, alarmed. “Are you okay?” 

“Oh yeah, I got it out.” Danny waved dismissively. 

“How?” Dick asked, confused.

“Uh, I just did.” He waved again. Before Dick could ask any more questions, someone else decided to show up.

“Oh good, I thought I missed you guys.” Another red-haired boy showed up. “Hi, I’m Adam, Wes’s brother.” Dick recognized the accent the boy had. He stuck out a hand for Dick to shake.

continue reading (ao3)

regular boy: daniel wayne - chap 9

[ush1wakas]

Call It What You Want

Timeskip!Ushijima Wakatoshi x fem!Reader Very light NSFW at the end

‘Cause my baby's fit like a daydream Walkin’ with his head down, I’m the one he’s walkin’ to,

As an up-and-coming internet celebrity, you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends and exes — singers, actors, content creators, and most recently, athletes. All the galas and events you’ve been invited to have surely introduced you to various social circles, and throughout the whole thing you found yourself indulging in new hobbies and interests.

After breaking up with your basketball player boyfriend of ten months, you’ve begun to develop an attraction towards volleyball, often going to watch official matches while vlogging and sometimes making content about the sport. Slowly you started to get acquainted with the national volleyball association who are eager to work with you to cultivate the public’s growing interest. While doing your job as a content creator, you naturally grew to befriend the national volleyball team, as professionalism starts turning into genuine friendship.

When you first started being courted by the Ushijima Wakatoshi, also known as Japan’s main cannon in the world of professional volleyball, it felt like a dream. He is respectful, determined, and just a little bit shy when he keeps asking you to go out for lunch, sneaking in some leisure time with you in between his practice, tiptoeing around the watchful and curious eyes of his teammates.

At first he gave you flowers with the excuse of appreciating all the hard work and PR you’ve done for the team. Then he started to give you other presents; sometimes small trinkets that he says reminded him of you, other times clothing that he insists is not expensive at all even though just taking one look at the brand already gave you shivers from how costly they must be.

You come to his matches as often as you can, his teammates soon getting used to your presence. The two of you follow each other on all your socials and he always leaves comments under your new posts. You feature him on many of your videos as your ‘close friend’ (your fans have their suspicions) and he invites you to team gatherings as his plus one. Gossips start to arise, but since the two of you have never confirmed nor denied anything, it stays at that — gossips. But your closest friends know better and there’s just no fooling his teammates anymore, not when he visibly lights up when he catches sight of you.

Finally, after countless dates and dinners, he asks you to come to one of his practices. You walk in, already suspicious of the knowing looks that are thrown to you and the way his teammates splits open a path for you, leading you to a nervous Ushijima, his hands clasped behind his back. There, in front of the entirety of Japan’s national volleyball team, Ushijima asks you to be his girlfriend, handing you the most beautiful bouquet of your favorite flowers. It was his last practice before Summer Olympics, and he confessed that he had no choice but to finally shoot his shot or else he won’t be able to get you off his mind during the games. (Of course, with his team’s excited cheers behind the two of you, you said yes.)

My baby’s fly like a jet stream, High above the whole scene, loves me like I’m brand new.

You’ve had numerous exes. A lot of them are handsome, or popular, or both. But they fade to nothing when you look at him. Ushijima Wakatoshi is self-assured, so stupidly determined at whatever he sets his mind into, and loves you in such a straightforwardly simple way. Not to mention that the man looks like a daydream, his body trained from years of playing volleyball, and yet he spends so much time getting ready for your dates, making sure that he looks absolutely perfect. (His go-to emergency call, Miya Atsumu, snitched on him to you.)

Of course, you know that the Southpaw has a lot of fans. He’s handsome, tall, good at what he does, and wealthy to boot. You, on the other hand, are just another up-and-coming internet celebrity. Sure, you’re pretty, but you’ve seen the way the gorgeous girls in the seats bat their eyelashes whenever he walks in, the way their cheers drowns yours when he scores a point. You’ve read the compliments female celebrities leave under his social media posts, the texts from girls requesting to meet with him. (He never complies, but it still leaves you feeling insecure.)

But then, after the match, he distances himself from his team with a wave of his hand as he walks with his head down, ignoring the growing cheers from his fangirls. His every step is determined and precise, and when he stops in front of you, finally raising his head, he thanks you for coming to his match, proclaiming loudly how your support gives him strength even when he faces opponents much stronger than he is.

He holds your hand like you’re the only person in the room and tells you that he’s booked the usual place on Saturday, reminding you not to overwork yourself. At this you hear his fangirls’ cheers die down, replaced by sounds of shock and disbelief. You nod and tell him to do his cool-downs and that you will see him tonight.

When he leans in to kiss you, the entire gym erupts in cheers and hoots, your breath stopping as his hands snaked their way around your waist, pulling you close to him. It takes Hinata Shoyo three times to call him for him to finally pull away, his cheeks flushed and his eyes dripping with desire, the crowd still going wild behind the two of you. He shyly bids you a temporary goodbye, his hand still waving at you even when he is dragged away by Sakusa Kiyoomi. And when he turns to look at you one more time before disappearing with the rest of his team, you know that he is just as much yours as you are his’. 

The two of you announce your relationship status the very same night. Ushijima is a silent but adoring lover, rarely showing displays of affection in public but always keeping an arm on your waist protectively. To his credit, he doesn’t need to say anything for everyone to know how much he loves you when he gazes at you with stars in his eyes, his touch always gentle and lingering. The long stream of presents continue to come despite your protests, as well as the gorgeous bouquets of fresh flowers he delivers straight to your doorstep every time he visits.

The duality of Ushijima Wakatoshi shines through when he makes love to you, reminding you that he is just as much of a tiger in bed as he is on the court. Then, when you rest your head on his chest, eyes drooping in exhaustion, he caresses your tresses gently, his quiet ‘I love you’ the last thing you hear before you drift off into slumber.

[see-arcane]

With a total of 1,176 votes tallied, the preferred plushie poll winner with 28.8% of votes is…

What a close one! Jonathan came in with 27.7%, the mysterious Mr. Morse with 24.9% and, delicious irony of ironies, London Dracula with 18.9%. Rest in pieces. Now, what does all this mean going forward?

First, just to reconfirm: I will absolutely be looking into the costs for having more than one plushie character produced at a time. For all that Mina has the top spot if it comes down to a solo run, Nobody Wants to Separate the Gothic Horror Soulmates, even as wee little plushies. It hurts my heart to think of. Mina and Jonathan deserve to sit side by side on everyone’s pillow. Just as Quinn Morse deserves to haunt the pillow next to theirs while casually throttling and carving London Dracula into pieces. For enrichment.

But beyond that, some other key things:

How is this getting done?

Sadly, I was not a cool enough kid for Makeship to greenlight a collaboration with me. Tragique. But while I was sitting around waiting for them to get back to me, I had time to browse around for other options. During that sniffing around I dug up a couple of promising manufacturers—one of which has some really neat options for not only plush toys, but all sorts of bric-a-brac like stationery, shirts, bags, cups, et cetera—and I plan to reach out to them for quotes to start with. Nothing really gets to move forward until I can nail down prices and the amount of X plushies to be made.

I am more than a little hesitant to tell anyone MAKE ME 1000+ PLUSHIES, PLEASE, THE TUMBLR POLL SAID THEY’RE GOOD FOR IT. These aren’t as simple as print/make-on-demand products, so I need to be careful estimating the amount of folks ready and willing to drop money on the little guys. But I will keep everyone updated on the numbers regardless!

Sooo is this a crowdfunding thing or an investment or what?

Don’t know yet. I am still between jobs at the moment—reminder to check out my Ko-Fi if you want to drop me a buck or commission some art!—but if this is something I can safely drop some of my own money in with the guarantee that it will let me do better than break even, I’ll do what I can out of pocket. However, if the cost of making something of good quality turns out too steep, I’ll start looking into stuff like Kickstarter and Backerkit and so on. I want to be sure I’m not gutting anybody’s wallet to pull this off and I want to be double-sure that what we’re paying for isn’t some flimsy throwaway junk. We are all here on the same Dracula book club starving artist site, so It Has to Be Worth It and not a money-sink for anyone.

Got it. Any other info to spare?

For the plushies specifically, this is when I’ll start:

Polishing up the current four designs into cleaner illustrations with different angles to provide for mockup samples with whoever I pick to manufacture with. If I get stuck on something—(which is likely)—I may throw up another poll to bug everyone about palettes and fashion choices. I have a few more designs I haven’t dropped yet for Epilogue Harkers, a non-Bloofer Lucy, and keychains that I’d love to share too!

Eyeballing materials. I’m already picturing a very close-cut cloth for the build and clothes, but I need to decide on filling too. Stiff overstuffing to hold a pose versus softer/lighter plush for floppy cuddleability. 

Poking at other character roughs, ala the Suitor Squad, the Weird Sisters, Van Helsing, Renfield, and Baby Quincey. And if all of those go well…

…maybe some designs for other favorites in the public domain playground. (Looks meaningfully at Clarimonde, Carmilla, Victor Frankenstein and the Creature, the King in Yellow, too many others.) ((But that’s all far-future stuff at the moment.))

Cool! But you also mentioned something about other merch?

I did.

Because goddamn do I want some Dracula-themed stationery. Journals! Memo pads! Pens! Every day we don’t have these things with the Harkers’ mark upon them is a victory for the forces of Count Dracula’s document-destroying evil. Likewise for shirts, totes, mugs, keychains, face masks and other things that could use some novel-flavored goodies. Hell, I’ll probably even get on with making stuff for The Vampyres to link on my website too. Because I am. Maybe behind on that. By several months.

Anyway.

I’ve got to start working on some designs for those too while the plushie process is progressing. Pray that my carpals don’t get tunneled.

Nice! Sounds like your plate is pretty full. So that’s it, right?

:)

Arcane?

:3c

Arcane. I need you to tell me this is all you’re working on.

>:}

Arcane.

Please stand by.

I have a little treat brewing for the Dracula Dailiers and @re-dracula folks in honor of a very special day for our good friend Jonathan Harker.

[smnthchrstn]

see a list of prompts here. send a request here. see my previous work here, here, here & here. thank you! i don't currently take anons for my own safety and sanity, but if you have a private request feel free to message me and i can post it without using your url! notes: word count is 1,644. austin is your coworker, you're both working side by side on the bikeriders. he helps ground you after a ptsd episode. tw for mentions of sa/assault/past abuse. dedication: this one shot is dedicated to my gf @vintagecherri may we always be able to comfort each other in our darkest times. thank you for teaching and reminding me to always be gentle with myself, even when i feel i have failed the most. xoxo

safe here with me | austin butler x reader

"And cut!"

You sucked in a deep breath, your eyes fluttering closed and then open again as you tried to regain your composure. That scene had really gotten to you, and you'd nailed it on the first go. You almost had forgotten about the man sitting in the same room as you. His eyes grew from vacancy to attentive, searching your face for some sign that you were doing okay. Your breathing became a bit jagged as the director told everyone they'd done a fantastic job and that they'd be moving on for the day.

The man across from you was your co-star, Austin. And you two had been getting to know each other for quite some time, especially since arriving in Cincinnati to film a movie about a biker club from the 1960s. You played his wife, he played your husband - a wild, crazy, pained young man who got a thrill out of doing the most dangerous things and not caring what anyone thought about it. You'd learned, in time, that Austin was the complete opposite. Most of the time anyway. You'd developed a friendship, although sometimes it seemed like more. You knew he looked at everyone like that, like they were the world's greatest treasure in his eyes. He had a way of captivating people and making them feel as if they were the only other person on earth.

"Hey, Y/N," a low and gravel-y voice asked, and you'd realized he'd been saying it for a few moments at least. Your eyes had glazed over, your hands were shaking as you wrapped your arms around your frame. "Are you okay?" the blonde man before you asked, his eyes filled with worry as he saw the way you'd reacted since the day had been called. "I..yes," you finally mustered enough courage up to answer. "Yes. I'm fine." You took a very shaky breath, running both hands through your long hair. "Completely fine." Austin finally stood, holding his hand out to help you up, and you took the help. He led you back outside to his trailer, holding the door for you and you felt inclined to join him, to follow.

"Hey, you know," he tried to begin saying, a little unsure of his own words. "You know, I don't have to tell you that I wouldn't necessarily react the way my character would to anything said or done." And with that, he walked to his mini fridge and got you out a cold water before taking a seat. You nodded, still a little jumbled up with your words. "I know, it's acting," you responded knowingly. Austin nodded, reaching beside him to pull a cigarette from his pack, placing it between his lips and lighting it. He took a deep drag into his lungs, flicking the ashes away into one of his own homemade ashtrays. You still felt small. You always did when topics like that would come up.

"I know that scene was a little heavy," he said, the smoke billowing around him in a cloud. "Yeah, I mean, it's okay," you said easily enough, with a tiny shrug of your shoulders. "I'm more than capable of handling serious scenes." Sure, you hadn't had too much practice before this with acting, but you'd done well enough to nail the part and you'd been doing a fantastic job. "Oh no, no, Y/N. I wasn't trying to insinuate at all that you aren't meant to be here. You are, you are the best scene partner I could ask for. I've loved getting to know you and becoming your friend," Austin explained, pausing to take another puff of his cigarette. You weren't sure where he'd been trying to go with this conversation. "I couldn't help but notice the way you mentally checked out after that scene, and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

--------------------------------------------

"Don't you, get away from me!" You screamed at the top of your lungs. Your chest burned, your stomach throbbed, everything inside you felt torn apart and hurt, broken and unfixable. And even after you'd received medical attention it still hurt. For days, for weeks, months, even years. You had residual pain that wouldn't go away, you'd been to the hospital and you'd seen doctors, and you had the nightmares that would wake you up in tears some nights. The assault had made your life a living hell, one that you often hadn't wanted to wake up from. You'd thought of countless ways to end it, to stop the pain from continuing.

--------------------------------------------

Big hands moved over your shaky ones, holding them in place. "Hey." His cigarette had been put out since you'd involuntarily closed your eyes. Your breathing became uneven, you were having trouble catching your breath. "Hey, hey, hey," he said, softening his voice, calming blue eyes filled with worry. "S-sorry," you managed to stutter. If you could think straight you would've been so embarrassed. Having such a massive panic attack in front of your new friend and co-star, not to mention a guy that you were absolutely smitten with was mortifying for you. It had been years, you thought you'd been "over" this. Austin placed a hand on your cheek, moving his thumb over your jaw and checking you over. He reached down and over, taking your wrist gently between two fingers and counting in his head. He did that for a moment or two before shaking his head. "Come sit next to me," he said, holding his arm out for you to come closer. "Please." You shakily moved to sit beside him and didn't protest when he pulled you in against his chest, your ear pressed against his heartbeat. "You're safe," he assured you in a low tone. He hadn't the slightest idea of what you'd gone through, but he knew what a panic attack looked like and what trauma looked like - and he knew you'd experienced something horrendous in your past. Austin worked to keep his breathing and heart rate steady, wanting to help to ground you as much as he could. You could hear the gentle lub-dubs in his chest, the soft beating that kept him alive. and it did soothe you unlike anything else had before. You felt his hand on your back, rubbing in gentle circles, breathing loudly as to remind you that it was okay to breathe and that filling your lungs with air would be a good thing, maybe the best thing for you right now.

After some time, he took your pulse again wanting to make sure that your heart rate had come down some. "There we go, slowly making its way down," he murmured, keeping you close to him, still pressed against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat grounded you and you thought maybe you’d be able to talk a little about what had happened during that scene. “Reminded me of something that happened a few years back,” you began. “With my ex-boyfriend. Hadn’t been dating that long or anything and,” she said, shaking her head a little. “He, he told me he’d stop,” you whispered, giving him a heartbreaking look. “He promised he would stop before he even started but he didn’t,” you whispered, beginning to cry again. “He broke my trust. He didn’t stop and it happened. And, and,” you said, your lungs aching from the gasps you were making. “I, and I,” you tried to say, but you could feel your heart pounding in your chest and your head spinning. You could feel yourself back there again as your breathing became more and more labored. “Someone took advantage of you,” you finally heard the deep voice say. “Yes. Yeah, my ex-boyfriend hurt me. And that scene reminded me of that. I’m sorry, I’m a professional. I, I’m so embarrassed,” you whispered.

It didn’t surprise you when you felt his fingers against your wrist again, searching for the magic number of beats per minute, wanting to help bring you back down to earth if he could. “Hey, take a few deep breaths, okay? I’m so sorry that happened. I’m sorry that he took advantage of you, and I want you to know I will never hurt you like that.” The two of you hadn’t even spoken about a romantic relationship, aside from the flirtations that happened after filming and sometimes on set. Austin leaned back some against the couch in his trailer, bringing you with him cautiously. “There you go,” he whispered, moving one hand to your back and making sure you were pressed up against his chest again. You allowed yourself to focus. You could feel his breathing against you, the rise and fall of his abdomen and the soft puttering of his heartbeat. “There you go,” he said, combing his fingers through your long hair, attempting to soothe you. “There we go,” he said again, dancing his fingers over your back. “Deep breaths, after me.” And with his help, you were able to catch your breath. “You’re safe here with me, okay?” He pressed a kiss to your head, wanting to comfort you and relieved that your body seemed to be relaxing. “I’m sorry that triggered these feelings and memories for you. And when you’re ready, you tell me all about that, as much as you’d like to, okay? I’ll be here. I’ll listen and I’ll hold your hand to help it keep from shaking.” You took a deep breath and opened your eyes, your ear still filled with the sound of the man’s heartbeat. “You mean that really?” You asked, almost shocked that someone would take that kind of time to comfort and learn you. “Yeah. I really do.” You took another gentle breath and allowed your eyes to close, snuggling in comfortably against Austin. You’d never felt such comfort in your life, and looked forward to being in his.

[packsvlog]

saw ur headcanon itch and wanted to scratch it

headcanons for new boyfriend gojo, toji or nanami?! 💞

damn im kinda in luv with u for sending this so quick, or whatever…

so, for new boyfriend i’m guessing recent relationship, right? cause i like the way you’re thinking, so let’s go.

ps: i try to make things normal, but i always create a plot, i’m so sorry (i’m not).

GOJO, TOJI & NANAMI AS NEW BOYFRIENDS. ⋆.˚

✶ 𝐬𝐲𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬: foul language / sexual innuendo on toji / reader has no gender.

✶ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.1k

──── ✎ ° ⋆ GOJO SATORU, the helpless fool in love.

First of all, Gojo as a new boyfriend is a different person than Gojo as a boyfriend of many years, for the simplest reason of he does not not how to be a one. He knows how to be a friend or best friend, not to be biased by my own ships (stsg) but I don’t think Gojo is the type of guy to fall for a stranger — he needs connection, thrives of being know.

Your relationship with Gojo as best friends is quite normal, he acts as a child, you scold him for it, and one day out of the loop of normalcy, he catches himself eager for your judgmental stare and scoff. And you also notice how his mischievous smirks and absolute terrible pranks are always on you. You are the one to notice his crush, so you flirt back.

Enters the shocked Satoru, because canonically he gets no bitches, even if he is gets a lot of attention (from middle school girls) and has a cocky personality.

Your first date started terrible. I’m so sorry to be the breaker of such news, but as said before, Gojo doesn’t know how to be a boyfriend. He thinks that everything in life can be easily scripted, not noticing that you, as his best friend, doesn’t need to be impressed.

So, Satoru keeps telling you about his grande missions (forgetting you were there, fighting as good as him) or funny jokes (that you helped him make). He gets nervous when you kindly point it out, but you’re sweet with him, grabbing his hands and taking control of the talk, him following your lead. It kinda becomes a little something in your relationship, when Gojo gets lost, you light his way.

Soon, his nervousness goes away and you’ll be back to having your best friend, that now kisses you from time to time (all the time).

──── ✎ ° ⋆ FUSHIGURO TOJI, the one who finally wins a bet.

Toji is the type to use dating apps and swipe right for the girls that pose with nice cars, or in trips all over the world — he wants to have a girl with money so he can gamble more, he is not a good boyfriend material, sorry.

But you are no dating app type of girl (sometimes you slip, but that’s unimportant). You’re just a hitman, that Toji catches talking with Shiu, he tries to hit on you, and you hit him, with your fist! It’s a match!

He is pissed off but not as much as he is intrigued. You have money, he knows that, but don’t get him wrong, your right hook send this man into a spiral of thoughts, he is already begging for you.

You know of Toji, his name spreads like wildfire in your line of job, he is a murderer and a bit crazy doing his work and way of spending his earning, but his looks outstanding him a lot. So, you make a bet, he stop gambling for a year, and you give him a chance.

You knew this was never going to happen, an addicted don’t stop so quick, and you barely see the guy. You think you are not an effort to be made.

Shocking the whole population and making gamble games loose a comically large quantity of money (he really will me missed), Toji keeps his word and now he is coming to make you pay for yours — a date is set!

As a new boyfriend, Toji needs to be reminded he is in a relationship. Sorry to say it, but it takes him four months to delete his dating app, he wasn’t using it, but it never clicked in him to do that. Toji also very much dates at home for the sole purpose of not leaving the room, you have to threaten him lots and lots for the guy to remember restaurants exists.

He sucks at first, but he is good at what he does with you, so you keep letting him get away with his slack of boyfriend duties, until you give him an ultimatum.

Now, remember that one year Toji kept himself busy with work and no gambling? You can say he has a large amount saved, and to shut your pretty ass up, he is spending with you — he takes you to Korea, buys whatever you set your eyes on, restaurants every day and bed bagging on the wall every night.

He is an asshole, but he can do a pretty job when his lovely partner threatens him.

──── ✎ ° ⋆ NANAMI KENTO, the one who fumbled first.

Nanami Kento is like the prize of life. Not to make a man the center of yours, but you can’t say you are not winning when this hunk of a male specimen who treats women with respect beyond the minimum is yours.

Women, men, everyone is fighting for him. You remember very well the eyes burning you whenever he was talking with you, specially Gojo’s six, prior dating.

Nanami is the set in stone exemple of how to be a perfect guy. But let’s make one thing clear, he did not liked you at first. Not because sometimes you can be weird like Satoru, is because he terribly wanted you, but he hates the idea of dying and you as well — both sorceress.

Contrary to popular belief and shocking a whole nation, Nanami Kento fucks up pre dating, ladies and gentleman. He shows up one day at job saying he is going on a date with a baker from his favorite shop.

You slip a few tears before moving out of the room. He sees them, and he hates himself for it. You both were almost dating, that’s why it hurts.

That night, while crying and eating ice cream and watching “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days”, Nanami Kento knocks at your door, and soon as you open, he is kissing you. He never went to the date, he could never want anyone but you.

Your relationship, despite all of this, starts wonderfully. This man worships you, he makes sure you know how much he loves and care for you, there is no space for insecurities because he is filling everything with his love — you’re drowning in Nanami’s affection.

There is too many dates, too many flowers, too many trips. And this man does not work a lot, he hates to work, the clock hits his hour and he is out the door (curses get eliminated quickly). He is always coming home to you, no one can stop Nanami from falling into your arms.

As a punishment, he is forbidden from going to his favorite bakery — he doesn’t mind (he misses the onion bread so much).

[hayleyscommet15]

the fan she fell for p1

relationship: billie eilish x female reader

warnings: none!

word count: 1388

summary: at a concert, you seem like you’ve caught the attention of the singer billie eilish…

a/n: if this seems familiar, it’s because it’s been posted anymore on an account called “hayleyscomet14” aka julia. i’m julia, my account got banned for no reason, no warnings, this is my new account. if anything you see reminds you of my old account please follow me!

just like everyone else, you were a normal person. first year in collage was going strong, you had made friends, had kept up with your grades and even got a job to pay off some debt. you had your little hobbies in areas such as sports and more, yet your biggest obsession was music. and what fed that? billie eilish.

no doubt billie was a giant impact on a lot of people’s lives. you can bet she even saved a couple of people from tough times. you were no different! billie had always been there, you’d been a fan for so long. and what sparked your year was the fact that you got tickets for her. that’s right, one night in london uk.

you anticipated that moment for months, and the day finally arrived. you got to waiting early in the morning. you were the biggest billie fan to ever exist in your eyes. every song, every era, everything! you were there.

you stood in line with your best friend. you chatted as you waited. you wore a top from billie’s merch, accompanied by jorts you had customized for the concert. small bits of accessories were also added to your fit, such as a blosh necklace and a whole lot of rings. the chilly weather of london kept you sane as you waited for long hours in line.

there were hundreds of other people in line, waiting. you were chatting with your friend when people started cheering on in the line. you were fairly close to the start of the line. “what’s going on?” you asked as you looked around your surroundings. that’s when you started hearing people yell billie’s name. “mate i think billie’s here!?” your close friend yelled back as they also started cheering billie’s name. you looked around once more, squeezing your eyes in order to catch her siluette. there she was. her ocean blue eyes met yours for a second as she walked around the fans. you were already starstruck. you couldn’t believe you were breathing the same air as her, in the same place as her, better yet she seemed to be getting close to your place in the line.

you quickly reached your hands out so possibly billie could grab it or touch it. you also started yelling her name, trying to get her attention like everyone else. billie occasionally stopped and started talking to people in the line, even sometimes hugging them. people kept saying things like “billie hey!” or “billie you’re so pretty!” or “billie i love you!”. then, she came and stood right in front of you, talking to fans around you. you held out your hand her to see. “oh my gosh billie hey!!” you yelled, and that was what got billie’s attention. you didn’t say anything out of the ordinary, you were just so close to your idol it probably got caught.

“hey!” she said as she grabbed your hand, and glared into your eyes. she then took her gaze to someone else. that two second eye contact healed you. you kept pulling on her hand like any other fan. she reconnected her eyes with yours once more and never dropped her smile. “stop you’re so pretty” billie’s words effortlessly fled through her mouth. your lips agape, you thought about billie’s words as you kept on screaming praise words. she let go off your hand and reconnected them with some other fan. you couldn’t stop thinking about that moment. she moved on to the back of the line as you screamed her name as loud as you could.

she continued to go down the line, trying her best to greet her fans. it was absolutely no secret she loved her fans and cared for them. they were like family. “BILLIE!” you kept yelling, occasionally throwing in an “I LOVE YOU!”. that’s when you randomly caught her attention. she looked towards you and made eye contact for the third time. she pointed her finger at you, then scrabbled away from your view. you couldn’t even believe it. THE billie eilish looked at you, made eye contact, pointed at you and told you you were pretty. you could die right there and then.

time waited as you kept blabbing about random subject with your friend, once in a while mentioning the moment you had with billie. the clocks ticked and showed the time as 17.30. that’s when the doors opened for standing tickets. people rushed into the arena and so did you. you didn’t once look back to see where your friend was. you knew that both of you were so into billie eilish, together or not you didn’t care if you got front view. the places closest to the stage, where billie could touch you if you got close. the part where people get noticed.

“you were gonna leave me like that?” you heard a voice saying behind your back. you turned around to see that it was your best friend. laughing, “i though ol you were behind me!” you exclaimed. people started filling up the area. “liarrr!” they said. time went on as you waited for billie to come up. people in the nosebleeds had also came along, filling up the venue. you went on instagram to see that billie had posted a story. “i’m comin’ mamas” it said with a picture of the crowd. you smiled at your phone.

a bit later the lights flickered, the stage speakers started making intro noise as everyone realized the concert was about to begin. you looked at the stage in excitement. that’s when she came along. billie entered the stage with the intro of bury a friend. your wildest fantasy’s were fulfilled. you jumped around the crowded area, thousands of billie fans surrounded you. fixated on the artist, you watched every move. every dance, every word she sung. you couldn’t help but feel billie’s eyes on you though. you refused to take videos in concerts, so you really couldn’t see.

that’s when it hit. the part of bittersuite.

“i don’t need to breathe when you look at me, all i see is green

and i think that were in between everything ive seen

in my dream, have it once a week, can’t land on my feet

can’t sleep, have you underneath all of my beliefs

keep it brief, i’ll wait in the suite”

and a wink following it. she had sung that whole phrase looking at you. no doubt she hadn’t. you weren’t seeing hallucinations, were you? wildest part was that she pointed at you. she pointed at you during the i’ll wait in the suite part. she did. no this wasn’t a dream.

during the last bit of the concert, you’d seen billie whisper something into the guards ear. well this could mainly be anything, but not when the guard points at you saying “the one in the blue merch?” you were wearing blue merch. okay, something was up.

the concert came to an end with one final song, and billie got off stage. you were about to join the crowd who was exiting the venue with your friend, and that’s when someone grabbed you by the arm. “hey!” you yelled offended without even seeing the person who was pulling on your arm. you turned around only for your eyes to widen, “miss eilish would like to see you in the green room. she advices me to give you this permission slip. you can ask the other guards in the arena to show you the way.” said the guard billie talked to before. “what?” you said confused. you had no clue what was going on. billie eilish wanted to see you? “i have no more information than this. you can enter the building by going towards the back of the stage, than a right. you should see a steel door with two guards. once more, if questions on how to navigate around the building; you can ask the other guards on entry.”

you stood silent. your friend watched in awe. “and before you ask, no. miss eilish only wanted you ma’am in the building. your friend cannot enter. and i’d like to apologize if i hurt your arm.” he continued before turning to another direction. you turned to your friend mouth agape, billie wants to see you?

[nightghoul381]

Ellis Twilight ~ Chapter 6 - His Side Story: “A Faint Wriggling, Deep Inside My Chest”

Disclaimer for route warnings | Masterlist

Additional Content Warnings: This is a side story from Ellis' perspective of the events of Chapter 6, as such it too contains depictions of murder and several mentions of blood.

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

(For me, Kate is the person I want most to be happy.)

(I’m happy that she’s been smiling more and more lately. And…)

Kate: “Please tell me about what you like, Ellis. Then I can make you happy tomorrow.”

Kate: “So, what’s your favorite food?”

--

Kate: “Oh,  I spread a lot of butter on the toast before it got cold.”

Kate: “Thank you, as always.”

Kate says she wants to make me happy too.

She listens to my preferences and feelings and remembers them carefully.

(Kate is a wonderful person.)

(…I don’t want to make you unhappy.)

The night I went with Jude and Kate to look for the ‘ring-leader” involved in the kidnapping incident.

I’d seen the woman who had come into contact with the ‘ring-leader’ being dragged into a back alley, and reflexively ran after her.

Reaching the back of the alley—I saw multiple men surrounding the woman and trying to restrain her by covering her mouth.

Scenes like this aren’t uncommon—What I do is the same as usual.

Ellis: “Are you the kidnappers?”

The kidnappers were startled by the sudden voice and immediately attacked me.

I just have to deal with them one by one.

A man who looks like a kidnapper: “—Women are worth money, ‘em alive. Kill the bastard.”

(Women…Ah)

Kate: “Gh…”

I heard a gasp behind me and realized that Kate had followed me.

(…it was her.)

(Kate is a hard worker who can muster courage even in times like these.)

I gently restrained Kate, who was holding a deck brush in her trembling hands.

Ellis: “Kate, stay here.”

(I’ll finish this quickly.)

I kick off the ground.

Taking a life is as easy as polishing a shoe if you know how to use the tools.

If you cut a vital point with a knife, the body will collapse to the ground as though a string has been cut.

(Just a few more.)

(I need to finish this quickly and give her peace of mind.)

Kate had been scared when she saw the men attacking the woman.

(I’ll end it right away.)

I silence the last one and let my feet settle on the ground.

Ellis: “…I guess that’s everyone.”

The timing must have been relatively good.

I looked around the alley that looks like I’ve spilled jam all over it, see there are no survivors, and look up.

“Kate…”

Kate: “Eh…Ah.”

Ellis: “Your face is pale… Are you okay?”

I put the knife in its sheath and reached out to Kate.

At that moment her body trembled.

Ellis: “…”

(--it was)

(From Kate’s point of view, these men and I are the same.)

I’m a ‘human being who kills people’ for his job.

(I had a feeling that Kate, was learning to trust me just a little bit… I forgot.)

I want to make her happy, though.

I’m the kind of person who scares her in the first place.

(I should’ve been more careful)

Ellis: “…I’m sorry. You’re scared.”

Ellis: “I should have asked you to keep your eyes closed so you wouldn’t have to see it.”

Kate: “Um, what… what about the woman?”

Ellis: “Hmm, she’s fine… I think she’s just passed out.”

Jude: “Tch… Ya killed everyone?”

Ellis: “Jude. What about the store?”

Jude: “When I came in, he’d already escaped in a horse-drawn carriage from the back door. He’s quick to run.”

Jude, who was supposed to have been chasing the ‘ring-leader’ walked over to a corpse and inspected it coldly.

(…Ah, I think I’m going to be scolded.)

Jude: “Jeez, let at least one of ‘em live. Otherwise I can’t interrogate ‘em.”

(On second thought)

Ellis: “Sorry. He said as long as we didn’t kill the commander I would be fine…Also.”

Ellis: “They were trying to harm Kate.”

Kate: “…”

Kate took a quiet breath again.

(Maybe I reminded you of what happened earlier.)

(…Sorry.)

Ellis: “… It’s okay now, Kate.”

Her frozen expression never relaxed… and I felt a little sad.

(Kate, you’re still silent)

Step by step we proceed down the hallway.

I walked behind her a little ways so as not to make her even more anxious.

(Is this okay…?)

(If you’re worried, if you’re scared, I want to be by your side.)

(But with me, it might have the opposite effect.)

While I was wondering what I should do to make Kate happy, we ended up in front of her room.

Ellis: “We’re here, Kate.”

Kate raised her head and looked straight at me.

(If you look at me, it might remind you of something scary, but… you’re so kind.)

Kate: “About earlier… Thank you for protecting me, Ellis.”

Ellis: “No. It’s my job to escort you, Kate.”

Ellis: “But, this time I failed…”

Ellis: “If you hadn’t seen that, you would be happier.”

Ellis: “I already knew you were a hard worker and that you would push yourself even if you were scared.”

Ellis: “I should have said, “You follow Jude” before going into the alley.”

Ellis: “Next time, I’ll be careful not to kill someone in front of you.”

(Even if I show you something like that…I wonder if I can make you smile again.)

(I need to think of a way.)

Thinking about this, I was about to turn on my heel, when—

Kate: “…Ellis…!”

My palm was grabbed by something warm.

(Kate…?)

Kate: “Ellis…Aren’t you having a hard time…?”

Ellis: “…”

Even though she must have been scared just a moment ago, Kate held my hand and looked straight at me.

(…I…?)

(Why would you say that?)

I was a little surprised when Kate asked me if it wasn’t hard being the object of her fear.

Then I was convinced.

Ellis: “Ah… I see.”

Ellis: “I thought you were just scared of me.”

(Kate is a wonderful person)

She’s the kind of person who listens intently to my feelings, my happiness, and remembers things like that.

Ellis: “You were worried that I was hurt, so you made that face…”

Ellis: “…You’re so kind, Kate.”

Ellis: “If I say it like this, I might scare you again.”

Ellis: “It’s not that painful, so don’t worry.”

Kate: “…Really?”

Ellis: “Yeah, really… See, my hands aren’t shaking like yours.”

As if to reassure her, I held up our joined palms.

--“Killing people and laughing is what the devil does.”

The words I’d once heard echoed in my head, making me feel a little sad.

(But the reason I’m smiling now is not because I’m happy.)

My heart is not moved by the idea of taking people’s lives as a part of my job.

(My desires have nothing to do with it, so I’m neither happy nor sad.)

I still hold the lid on my desires tighter and tighter.

(This time, I’ll take care of someone as wonderful as Kate.)

Kate seemed to have made up her mind and grabbed my hand tightly.

Kate: “…Hot milk.”

Ellis: “Eh…?”

Kate: “My body is cold… don’t you sleep better after drinking it?”

Ellis: “…”

I suddenly remembered drinking it on sleepless nights when I was little.

It has a sweet, relaxing, and calming taste.

(…I loved it.)

(Especially when drinking it in the middle of the night.)

Ellis: “I’d like that.”

Ellis: “In the middle of the night, I actually like hot milk with butter and sugar.”

Even though she wouldn’t know anything about my heart or the memories I had just remembered,

Kate looked happy, but somehow sad, and took my hand.

(Kate… is a bit of a troubled person.)

(…she’s too nice.)

I want to make her happy, and that’s all I feel, but something seems to be mixed in with it.

The desire I had pushed deep inside my heart began to stir in my chest.

Next Chapter

[666writingcafe]

Rampage

I should have known that my free evening would get ruined.

I had originally planned on spending time with Solomon, since I haven't been able to do that lately with the amount of responsibilities I have as both attendant and founding RAD member. We even made reservations at a fairly nice restaurant downtown. But of course, the moment we get presented food, I get a phone call from Lucifer telling me to, and I quote, "get my ass over to the castle now".

And I know better than to mess with an angry demon, especially when it's Lucifer.

Solomon and I don't even have to step inside the castle to see why my presence was demanded: the grounds alone are in complete shambles.

"What the hell?!" I exclaim. "Who could have done this?" Seemingly in response, the sky opens up and begins dumping a bunch of rain, making the two of us drenched in a matter of seconds.

"That's not good," Solomon mutters. He casts a spell to protect us from getting even more wet. Then, we begin walking, following the path of destruction all the way to...

The colosseum? Why is it surrounded by black smoke?

"Their magic must have combined," Solomon whispers. At first, his statement has me confused, but then it hits me.

Diavolo's magical energy is black, and Beel has the ability to control the wind.

And when we enter the colosseum, the two of them are in the midst of a fight.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Asmo quickly rushes up to us and hugs us tightly. "You have to help us. Beel's out of control!"

"What happened?" I ask him.

"I don't even know! One minute, he was fine, and the next he's flipping tables and smashing walls! It's making Satan's tantrums seem tame in comparison!" Beel's roar pierces the air, interrupting our conversation. In a matter of seconds, Diavolo has him pinned to the ground.

"You need to calm down," he warns Beel. "As strong as you are, you're no match for my power."

"Get off me!" Beel bellows.

Various voices begin yelling at once, making it impossible to focus on any particular one. Beel manages to wiggle out from under Diavolo and starts attacking everyone attempting to grab him.

As a human, the sheer amount of motion would be enough to make me sick. But as a demon under Barbatos' guidance...

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, willing time to slow down. While I can't control it for nearly as long as Barbatos can, I don't need a whole lot of extra time to come up with a plan.

I need to knock Beel out. That's going to be the quickest way for him to calm him down. Unfortunately, there's nothing in the colosseum that's substantial enough to do the job. I could channel some of Solomon's magic through the pact I have with him, but his power is chaotic enough that I might inevitably do more than simply make Beel pass out.

Glancing at one of the undamaged walls, I'm suddenly reminded of a particular memory. For a few moments, I had enough strength to knock Diavolo down to the ground. Granted, it wasn't entirely my own, but it wasn't all Lucifer's, either.

I wonder...

The scene speeds up again, and I begin running.

A monstrous yell.

Pouncing on Beel sends the two of us sliding across the floor.

Thud.

"MC!"

Shit.

Beel's out cold, but he at least still has a pulse. He's probably going to have a headache when he wakes up, and I will take full responsibility for it.

However, that is far less important at the moment.

Brushing the dust off me, I storm past everyone gawking at me, making a beeline for my dear sorcerer.

"How dare you!"

My slap across Solomon's face echos throughout the colosseum.

"Do you realize what you've done?!" I will admit, some of this is for dramatic effect, but a fair amount of this is genuine. He yelled my name loud and clear for all to hear.

My actual name.

He may have very well put this entire trip in jeopardy with his Freudian slip.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch

[spencersfavouritebookmark]

Check Ups - A.H x Reader

IM SORRY TO THE ANON WHO REQUESTED THIS I LOST YOUR ASK!!!!

This is the “doctor and Aaron flirting and going on a date and getting together”

Thank you for my first ever request!! I loooooved this idea and I hope that I wrote it well enough.

Not proofread!! (Also I kind of messed up so ignore that Jack was canonically three at this point and pretend he’s ten for me)

Content: Hotch and his Doctor have feelings for eachother and go on a few dates (pure fluff)

Word count: 1.3k

Hope you enjoy x

Ever since a fatal explosion involving the FBI, SSA Aaron Hotchner had become a regular patient of yours. It was your job to assess him regularly for the next few months to ensure that he was still safe for duty.

So here you were, stood by the side of the man. His boss, Erin Strauss had warned you in advance that Aaron could be stoic and closed off but from your experience he was far from either.

"I'm seeing some great improvements in your hearing, how have you been feeling about your hearing?" You ask softly, glad to see so much improvement.

"Pardon, sorry i couldn't hear you?" He jokes, his eyes crinkling in the corner as he smiles. Although he was a very friendly man you could see how he could appear cold. His sharp features set a professional president but the minute he smiled his whole demeanour was warm.

"Nice to see you got your humour back Aaron, but I do have the power to take your job away from you so I'm gonna need some honesty." You remind him, doing your best not to laugh, as not to give him any sense of pride.

"God, I love a woman with authority." He chuckles, leaning back in his chair pretending to admire you. Although his gaze was joking something about it had your head reeling. Every appointment with Aaron had you sat in your office giggling like a lovestruck school girl the moment he left.

"Aaron, I think this might be our last appointment." You sigh, pulling a card out from one of your draws and scribbling your number on it. "Call this number if anything gets worse"

As you spoke, Aaron's expression softened, the reality of this being your last appointment sinking in. The thought of not seeing you regularly anymore filled him with an unexpected phone sense of sorrow.

He took the card from you, his fingers grazing yours for a moment longer than necessary. Looking down at the numbers scribbled down and he nodded silently. "I'll remember that."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few painfully normal days go by for both of you, falling into the same old routine as always.

Aaron sat at his desk, twirling a pen between his fingers as he stared at his phone, silently debating whether or not to call you. After several minutes of internal debate, he caved and dialled your number. His heart rate picked up as the phone began to ring, the sound echoing in the quiet room.

When you answered, he paused for a moment, his voice coming out a bit hesitant. "Hi, It's Aaron Hotchner. Sorry for calling out of the blue like this."

You rush over to your planner, secretly elated to hear his voice again, to potentially have another appointment with him. "Don't apologise, what's going on, are you getting those headaches again? Sensitivity to sound? Has your hearing gotten worse?"

Aaron chuckled softly at your questions, a mixture of relief and amusement washing over him. It was heart warming to know that you still cared about his well-being, even though this wasn't an official appointment.

"No, no" he assured you, "I'm not calling because my headaches are back or anything like that. My hearing's still fine." He paused for a moment, his tone growing slightly serious. "There's actually something else I wanted to talk about."

You pause for a second, succumbing to your nerves as he announces this down the line. You'd had the 'I need to talk to you' talk countless times but never from a patient. You just wait silently for him to elaborate.

There was a brief moment of silence as Aaron debated the best way to approach this. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for your reaction.

"Listen" He said, his voice more apprehensive than you had ever heard it. Almost foreign from the confident man you had been treating. "I've been thinking about you lately. Not just as my doctor... And I know it's not appropriate for me to call like this without violating my medical ethics but-"

"Are you free mid day tomorrow? I could really go for some good lunch with a handsome man." You interrupt with a sudden burst of confidence, a giddy smirk playing on your face.

Aaron was taken slightly off guard by your sudden display of confidence, but couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. He chuckled lightly, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"A mid day lunch, huh?" He paused contemplating his schedule for a moment. "Yeah, I'm free." Excitement flickered in his eyes. "Name the time and place, and I'll be there."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day you enter the café more nervous than you anticipated, taking a seat at a small corner table.

Aaron arrived at the café a few minutes after you in an outfit far more casual than you usually saw him. He usually wore his work suit but seeing him in a t-shirt that he filled perfectly left your cheeks heating up. His eyes scanned the room until he spotted you sitting at the corner table. His heartbeat quickened a notch as he walked over to you, a mix of nervousness and anticipation swirling inside of him.

He offered you a warm smile as he sat down across from you. "Hey," he greeted, his voice a touch gentler than normal "You look beautiful today."

You smile softly, a soft blush spreading across your cheeks as the man takes a seat “thank you, Aaron.” You say, wracking your brain to say something nice about him, but he knows by the way that you look at him that you think the world of him. And to him that means more than words.

He chuckled softly, a warm smile playing on his lips. "You don't have to say anything." He reached across the table, his fingers lightly grazing the back of your hand. "Your eyes speak volumes."

“I knew asking a profiler on a date was a terrible idea.” You joke, although something about him being able to read you so well makes you feel comfortable, seen almost.

“So this is officially a date?” He smirks as he glances over the menu

————————————————————————

The date is successful, as are the next few.

Tonight you’re baby sitting Jack for him. He’s a sweet kid, much nicer than most you meet, and very mature for his age.

“Y’know my dad talks about you a lot.” He says nonchalantly as he builds a Lego wall so his transformers can defend themselves against his nerf gun

“Oh yeah?” You ask calmly, trying not to poke your head in too much.

“It’s nice that he has a girlfriend now.” Jack replies simply, not really knowing the impact of what he’d said.

Of course you and Aaron had gotten very close through your dates but you had never thought that he’d want a relationship with you.

“You think I’m his girlfriend?” You laugh

“Well not yet. But I’m almost certain he wants you to be.”

Unbeknownst to the two of you Aaron had just come into the house and looks into the living room where the two of you sit.

“Jack. That’s enough of exposing me for tonight. Let’s get you to bed.” He says fatherly, he’s so good with Jack.

He glances to you softly “I’ll be downstairs in a minute.”

It feels like an age that he’s up there, you can’t distinguish the words but you can hear soft words being exchanged between father and son. You wait impatiently shuffling on the balls of your feet.

After about fifteen minutes you finally hear his gentle footsteps coming down the stairs.

You stand in the living room nervously chewing your finger nails.

“Hey..” he says softly, finally hanging his jacket up after his long day

“Was Jack right?” You ask quietly.

He nods, confirming every thing you hoped was true. Your heartbeat increases as he nods and you stop chewing your nails, you rush over to him flinging your arms around his neck.

“Is that what you want?” He asks, kissing the top of your head.

“More than anything.” You mumble, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

“I should probably go and tell my little man the good news before he falls asleep.”

[drbased]

We think of mental illnesses (and anything seen as adjacent to that, development disorders included) as an add-on to one's 'true personality'. We say 'I have depression/anxiety/OCD etc'. What was revolutionary for me was recognising that depression isn't some aberrant tumour on my psyche that needs to be removed, but rather it's a reflection of my psyche. There's this pseudospiritual idea that the 'self' is pure - I remember as a teen pondering over how the concept of life-after-death can even exist, because so much of my personality has been formed from my life experiences; the 'me' that would go to heaven now would be entirely different from the 'me' as a baby. Atheistic people and society want to reject this idea of the soul existing separate from the body, but the idea of the 'self' being pure, untouched and eternal, and therefore essentially being a soul, still persists. It exists without the need for religious justification because people changing is always existentially terrifying. And so, too, are mental illnesses.

I spoke to the same woman a few times at some free mental health drop-in thing. I don't know if she was a mental health professional, or just someone whose job it was to listen. The first time I spoke to her, I agreed with everything she said. The next time I spoke to her, I came in with an entirely different attitude, and now disagreed with much of what she said. She commented on this, the implication being that when I agreed with her - when I was cheery, motivated, upbeat, agreeable - that was when I was 'mentally healthy', but when I disagreed with her - when I was holding back, unhappy, pensieve - that was the mental illness talking. The thing is, by the time in my life where I'd come to have this series of conversations with her, I already had come to recognise the fullness and value of myself, depression included: I am always, entirely, me. It interests me her black-and-white assessment of the situation: I agree with her and am happy = I am well/I disagree with her and am not happy = I am not well. I don't blame her for this in the slightest, but rather by analysing the situation it allowed me to understand something about how society percieves, and therefore I once percieved, mental illness. I now understand that I went into that room for the first time, a full and conscious being, emboldened by recent actions, and made a choice to listen to a point of view I knew I wouldn't always like. I've written on this blog quite a a bit about my relationship with wisdom - that I once saw it as vapid, and now I have learned about myself I see the value in it. So now I have a deeper appreciation for 'normie speak' [if this makes you cringe please understand that I am using it for brevity] and thus I made a choice to, instead of dismissing her point of view outright, seek the value in it. I found her to be incredibly insightful and was honest about that. But the next time I had spoken, I had had time to reflect and was less pumped-up and more realistic about who I am, especially with regards to my Pathological Demand Avoidance (at this point I consider it a mental illness in and of itself, and have to treat it with delicate care). I did try to communicate this to her, and throughout my explanation she irritably flicked at a ringbinder - something incredibly rude for someone in her position to do. But she heavily implied that she was more mature than me because she has kids, so, y'know. It was during this exchange that I was reminded of why I rejected 'normie speak' for so long - and why I dismissed its wisdom as inherently vapid. Most people percieve the world in such a way that there are 'mentally ill' people who are Dumb and Bad and Wrong and Need Help, and 'mentally well' people who, by nature of their being well-adjusted, are just Naturally Correct and therefore anything they say, especially if they are put in a position of power as authorised by the system, as she was, is just Better than anything I have to say. Anything I explain under that context is Just An Excuse, an Overcomplication of The Issue, hence why she was visibly irritated with me - my attempt to communicate the wider picture was just Me Being Mentally Ill and Trying To Justify That. I wasn't pulling myself up by my bootstraps; she said I should do a mood board, and I rejected that, knowing that engaging with things purely because they're the 'right' thing to do is exactly what triggers those depressive feelings (something I had already explained to her), and she accused me of not accepting help.

When my depression says 'I want to die', I now say, 'I agree, and I truly feel your pain - but realistically, I'm not going to kill myself right now, and I want to find a way to enjoy my life in the meantime. So what can I do?' I once used to simply count the amount of times I found that voice saying 'I want to die'. But, shockingly, it turns out that the person saying 'I want to die' is me: the thought comes from my psyche. When I first sat in that room and hotboxed it, I asked myself the questions that some part of me always knew the answer to, and thus I was able to answer those questions with staggering ease. Every confusion I've had, every fear I've had about myself has gradually come to light since, with further questioning, more honesty with myself. Now, when I walk in a room, I have a much clearer picture of exactly who I am and what I want from the situation. My 'mental illness' is reflective of an attitude that I have, and I have that attitude for a reason. My depression is still very much here, in that the attitude that it represents still lives inside me. Instead of dismissing that attitude as 'my depression talking', I took the much scarier approach of 'but what if that's actually me talking?' and instead asked it the hard questions. I understand its logic entirely, I sympathise and empathise with that logic and could explain it to you in full. What do you do when you want to convince someone? You engage with their point of view.

Years ago, before I started this journey, I made a deal with myself that I was only ever going to kill myself if life got untennable - say I ran out of money, or gained an illness that made existence unbearable. That was an early example of me taking my desire to kill myself seriously, and therefore it's been one of the most robust decisions I ever made. Ever since I made that decision, I had that urge to kill myself a lot less - because it turns out that my psyche isn't just a set of random impulses but rather a whole, complete person with a whole, complete worldview. I became much less fearful of myself when I realised that I can always accept myself, take myself seriously, and then negotiate with myself. But I have to take myself seriously: dismissing my depression is dismissing part of me, it's telling me that part of me is Just Stupid and incapable of making decisions, and any decisions it does make are inherently irrational, always tarnished with the brush of Mentally Ill. Acknowledging and accepting the logic of my depression means that I don't really have it anymore. I'm currently going through the shittiest thing that's ever happened to me - the reason why I sought those mental health services - and I have not had those classic depression symptoms that were once so expected, so comfortable to me. Instead I am more honest with my emotions, seeing how depressive symptoms once filled in the gap of that kind of honesty. Depression was a response to my lack of engagement with my own psyche. Instead of authentic sadness, depression allowed me the space to be sad with a more dramatic justification. Instead of authentically not desiring to do an activity, depression forced me to not do it. Depression was both the cause and solution: depression said that my emotions and beliefs are not enough - they are too small, too embarrassing. It's too embarrassing to just be me - if I'm sad over something some part of me has decided is Objectively Too Small To Be Sad over, the depression swoops in and says

Lo! But the sadness of existence is tragedy itself. To feel such great, deep feelings, is a beautiful curse. I feel such deep woe, not just for this one tiny instance but what it represents! I could never be sad at only something so small, for I am most definitely a much deeper being than that, capable of great intellectual musing and emotional depth! My ease at being turned to tears is actually a strength of mine, a sign of how at ease I am with my own emotionality, and I should defend to the heavens my inalienable right to be in such a state!

In processing my depression, the word 'embarrassing' kept cropping up, speaking to my fear of there being some Great Power of Objectivity Watching Over Me. Instead, allowing myself to be authentic involved the recognition that I'm going to always have beliefs, feelings and actions that are going to be seen as weird, and that's entirely my prerogative as an individual. So, then, my depression isn't 'bad' because I'm showing 'bad symptoms' that mark me as 'mentally ill' - but rather, it's bad because of the much more terrifying reason that it hurts me to be like this. My PDA, the depression, and the symbolic states, are rejections of my psyche, of my selfhood, because I so desperately want to feel that there's some objective standard I can follow, so then I never have to engage with the existential terror of being responsible: responsible for others, responsible for my actions, responsible for my relationship towards myself. Having to weigh up a situation and decide for myself if I personally value the outcome is much less simple and much more terrifying, but in doing so I come to learn to value myself. I stopped having depression not because I 'fought it' or any other grandiose narratives, but rather because I learned to treat myself with genuine compassion - and whoops, there's Classic Wisdom #12956: Treat Yourself With Care, As You Would A Friend. By rejecting 'normie speak' I veered right back round into it. But I refuse to be vapid about this - yes, there is a major simplicity to what I've learned, but the process of getting there is not simple.

We as a society made a major leap in empathy by recognising mental illnesses as something other than a nuisance to the 'normies'. But unfortunately, there has been an over-correction in response to mental illnesses that, in liberal-politics fashion, doesn't really actually disagree with the classic narrative. Both viewpoints percieve mental illness as 'I Just Can't help it and Need To Eradicate it' - the classic view-point paints mental illness as an aberration of the soul, and that the only way to eradicate it is to either destroy the demon inside, or lock away the person. The more liberal view-point recognises that mental illness is part of a person's psyche and therefore can be engaged with, but it is still an aberration and the goal is still elimination.

It's at this point I'd like to appreciate just how much my engagement with (radical) feminism has been instrumental in my new attitude towards my own mental illnesses. Society already dismisses the Mentally Ill as Bad and Wrong, and so mentally ill women are dismissed as even Badder and Wrongerer. Being able to reclaim my selfhood and take my mental illnesses seriously, as a part of me just as human as the rest, and therefore be sympathised with, understood and engaged with, has been revolutionary for me in a way that only feminism can achieve. No matter how much we want to believe that we as a society are past the stage of dismissing women as inherently irrational, or dismissing mentally ill people as inherently irrational, that attitude is very much live and well and hides in plain sight, implicit in people's actions and inactions, in how they phrase their words, in what they don't say as much as what they say. Being able to walk into a room and not immediately feel terrible for every single choice I've ever made simply because one person in front of me might disapprove of it, has been such a tremendous burst of freedom for me. And it's still ongoing; I still feel the 'tug' where I fear I'm not being 'objective enough' - but since now I understand that my primary responsibility is to myself, the brain fog has dissipated and I have time to emotionally and mentally breathe and process. I'm still not free yet, but I have built myself a foundation of self-love.

[witerh]

01 HEADCANON! || boyfriend re2r!leon — car mechanic/ sfw

lunch — every day you visited him at work for him with lunch, knowing that he would always forget it early in the morning even with a reminder. Your carefully prepared food has always been praised for your cooking skills, proud of you for such delicious masterpieces.

You pass a warm container with food into his hands, watching as he opens it and the fragrant smell of food hits his nose, and his mouth is already full of drool. He eats casually and hastily, telling you about the differences between halogen headlights and xenon ones. His speech seems to be an endless stream of technical terms that only he can understand. You sit opposite, with a look full of tenderness and tenderness, watching him «purr».

No matter how much time passes, he remains as spontaneous and sincere as on the first day you met.

You reach out with a napkin to clean the food from his lips but his fingers wrap around yours and he does it himself: "You know, your lunches make my job more enjoyable." he quietly tells you kissing your cheek and thanks you for caring about him.

touches — his strong arms will lift you onto thе cold metal bumper while fingers soak into your thighs, gently massaging; he will lean closer to you until you feel his tickling breath on you. With Leon’s clumsy movements, the strap of your dress falls down, exposing your curved shoulder completely for his gaze. The redness on your face cannot be avoided while your hand is in a hurry to correct it, but it made him amuses. A small smirk played on his lips until his nose nuzzled into your neck; fleeting and unnoticeable kisses were left on your collarbones while you sighed and giggled. Lips tenderly press against your delicate skin, which you coat with cream every evening, making it so soft that you want to kiss it forever. A light squeak leaves your lips when he lays you down on the hood of a black BMW that the owner brought for repairs.

"Don't worry, we have plenty of time just for us", he coos for you, pointing with his gaze at the sign that was on the window: «Closed»

dirty clothes — Leon was not one of those who was very bothered by motor oil on the hands, because his white short sleeve tank top was completely saturated with this smell. Sometimes he could sneak up behind you and hug you; caress your waist through your polka dot dress. He was too tactile and he didn’t care whether his hands were dirty or not until you started to sulk at him for such an act.

“Well, it will wash off, princess", he smiled slightly, ignoring your words of anger, grabbing a rag and wiping the dirt from the motor oil off his hands. "Stop being offended, I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Every time he promises not to do this, but he forgets to wipe his hands, and you are always angry with him. Again soak the dress in washing powder in hopes and prayers to all the gods that it will wash off.

you and help for him — Tirelessly responsible and immensely passionate, he loved to delve into the depths of automotive mechanisms but sometimes he did not have enough hands for his work. A slight rustling sound came from under the car while he was working on the car that had been delivered recently while you were sitting on a wooden stool. He was a car repair shop worker, he invariably demonstrated his best sides and there should be no mistakes either.

"Princess, there's a tool next to the motor, see, right? Give it to me, please," his outstretched hand closer to you was waiting for the instrument.

bath time — "Princess, can you get me a new towel?" he shouted to you coming out of the bathroom. He didn't care about his naked position; there is not a drop of embarrassment in him. He rubs the back of his head with his hand, having already forgotten in the bathroom that his towel was in the trash because of being a victim of his wiping his hands at his job.

You always thought his muscular and tanned body was cute and now you embarrassedly covered your face with your hands, realizing that he was naked. The light stripes on his shoulders were due to wearing different T-shirts and tank tops. Light steam emanated from his hot body adding a little intimacy to it.

leon and cleanliness in the house — There are no spare parts or wrenches in the house because there is a garage for that. Everything is stored there, even cans of gasoline, just in case.Leon, with the liveliness and attention of a stock analyst, followed changes in gasoline prices, paying more attention to this than to his own well-being, and he did not even pay so much attention to important dates.

"Do you see? I put all the parts in the garage as I promised!”

"You're well done, honey."

[fatehbaz]

.

[fluffypotatey]

*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*

PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????

I have. So many Feels. About Themst™

The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????

Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.

If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.

Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.

Indifference is the true opposite of love.

Hate is love that's gone rotten.

“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK

WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)

(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)

OK OK SO

we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?

F+ father of the year :)

he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:

(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)

also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)

UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.

UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?

not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!

UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.

ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana

now, about the double edged blade…..

as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse

way #1

i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)

MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?

early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2

MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!

MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?

UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA  As many as it takes!

to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.

the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.

ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)

way #2

compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)

ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.

ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!

ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.

we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them

(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)

on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.

notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀

however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse

looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)

AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.

UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!

so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here

Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).

so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.

OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic

sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)

when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)

however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.

[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]

anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.

SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)

^worried/protective Morgana

^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers

Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).

that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.

it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.

like honestly,

look at them T^T compared to before

their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.

fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.

like fuck, man

two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood

screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite